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madasthesea · 4 years

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how can the body die? (you tell me, everything)

Chapter 2

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Tony stumbled into the medbay, cannister in hand, only to skid to a halt as he registered Peter, sitting up in bed with May supporting him as he violently threw up into a basin.

May was rubbing his back and shushing him gently, like it was just a bad case of the flu, like any minute now Peter would be asking for soup and a movie. When she looked up and met Tony’s gaze, her eyes were full of fear.

Tony took a step forward and Peter’s eyes flicked to him before he was retching again.

There was a hand on his arm. Tony tore his eyes away from Peter to find Dr. Cho at his side. She took the cannister from his numb hands.

“Come on. Let me update you.”

“The vomiting started about ten minutes ago,” Cho reported once they’d gone into the hall. “And his fever is at 102.8 and rising steadily. The Centipede serum is making it much worse than we had expected, probably because of Peter’s thermoregulation difficulties.”

Tony nodded woodenly.

“We have him on morphine, a fever reducer, and a muscle relaxant, in an effort to lessen the effects of the seizures. Any more and we risk overdose. Any questions?”

“What can I do?”

Helen looked a little sad. “You’ve done your part, Tony. Stay up here and sit with him.”

Tony blanched. “No, I... I need to help, I’ve got to do something.”

“Mr. Stark. You are not a medical doctor. You are not a pathologist, or a biochemist. Right now, you are a very worried father whose kid is dying. You’re needed here, at his side.”

Tony’s jaw snapped shut and he looked away.

“We’ll have FRIDAY keep you updated and send you any questions we might possibly have on your tablet, but Peter needs you. Besides, three geniuses in one lab usually ends in explosions,” Cho said, a faintly forced smile turning up her lips.

Tony swallowed, but nodded. “Work hard, Doc.”

“Like his life depends on it,” she said, then turned and walked away, the cannister of venom in her hand.

Tony felt practically useless sitting at Peter’s side. May was a nurse and happily took over any task she could find, but Tony just sat in the chair, wiping Peter’s face when he was told, fetching water and towels if they were needed. Peter was out of it, slurring his words any time he tried to talk and losing the train of conversation halfway through. Tony still talked to him, though, holding his hand or brushing the sweaty bangs from his forehead.

Eventually there was nothing for even May to do, and she sat on the other side of the bed, chewing her nails anxiously.

The vomiting eventually stopped, but the fever only climbed higher. Peter, under a near constant stream of medication, faded in and out of consciousness.

Lucidity was only there when the medicine faded, but with it came pain, and Tony hated it, he hated it. He wanted to talk to the kid, joke around and make plans and get emotional only for both of them to pretend it hadn’t happened. But Peter in pain was unthinkable.

He wondered which Peter would choose: to spend his last hours in agony but aware and appreciative of the time he had left with the people who love him, or in a morphine induced haze, unaware and unbothered.

But to entertain the question meant entertaining a future where Peter died, and Tony would not accept that possibility, not before it happened and maybe not even after.

This seemed to be one of those moments, though, between the scheduled doses and high peaks of his fever. Peter turned onto his side to look at Tony. It was his uninjured side, thankfully. Tony got the feeling he’d all but forgotten the original injury in the haze of the poison, but Tony hadn’t. Couldn’t. Every hurt of Peter’s was important and Tony filed each one away to check on and tend.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Tony leaned forward until they were at eye level. Peter’s forehead was glimmering with sweat and his eyes were red from tears. He bit his lip.

“Hey, kiddo, don’t... don’t say that.”

“Tony.” Tony sighed, hanging his head. “I know it’s bad, ok, I... know there’s a pretty big chance that I’m—”

“Don’t—”

“—gonna die,” Peter said over Tony’s protest. His voice softened after seeing Tony’s flinch.

“And I just... I’m really sorry. I know this is your worst nightmare. Both of your worst nightmares,” he adds, glancing out the window where May was on the phone with her boss. “And I can’t imagine what I would be thinking if you or May were the one in this hospital bed.”

Lord, what Tony wouldn’t give for that: for him to be the one in that bed, the end of his life rushing toward him, and for Peter to be sitting in this worn-out chair, fretting but safe.

Tony shifted forward in his seat, looking at Peter intently.

“Have I ever let you down, Peter?”

“No,” Peter immediately answered, his brow furrowed in indignation at the question.

“Then believe me when I tell you that I will not let you die. Capiche?”

Peter gave a tiny huff of amusement. “Yeah. Ok.”

Peter’s eyes closed again after that. Tony let his forehead drop onto the mattress, exhausted and desperate and heartbroken. Because as much as he promised that he’d fix it, he’d done all he could. It was up to Helen and Bruce now and while he knew they were brilliant, masters of their fields, he wasn’t sure it would be enough.

He jumped a little when a hand rested on top of his head. Trembling fingers combed gently through his hair, hot to the touch.

Tony carefully raised his head and Peter’s hand shifted to cup his cheek, exactly like Tony always did to him.

Peter was looking at him with an expression Tony had only ever seen directed at May before. His eyes were soft and alight with admiration and gratitude and love. There was a miniscule frown on his face, a sorrow in the crease between his brows that spoke of how much he hated to cause them grief.

Tony felt it all the way down to his bones, filling his lungs. Peter loved him. Peter loved him.

Peter was going to die.

Tony sniffed, squeezed his eyes shut. Peter traced a thumb along Tony’s cheekbone and Tony raised his hand, trapping Peter’s fingers where they were.

He opened his eyes again and almost instantly had to blink away tears. He needed Peter to stop looking at him like that before he broke down sobbing.

“Let the medicine do its thing, buddy,” Tony said, his voice hoarse. “Go to sleep.”

Peter pursed his lips together in defiance, but his eyes closed anyway, the pull of the medicine too strong to resist for long.

He wasn’t fully asleep when Tony turned his head and pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist, the soft skin burning against his lips.

Fifteen minutes later, Peter was seizing again. Tony stood against the wall as he watched nurses hover around the bed, supervising his vitals.

It lasted nearly two minutes, the heart monitor screaming as Peter’s heart stuttered and skipped. Tony’s heart seemed to jolt every time Peter’s did.

Finally, Peter went limp. His heart settled into a healthier pattern, though still too fast and arrhythmic.

Tony excused himself from Peter’s side for the first time. He thought he might be sick, but when he went into the bathroom, all he felt was empty. Lightheaded. He needed air.

He wandered dazedly out of the medical wing and to his suite, finding himself standing in the middle of the living room. It was dark, the light coming from the wall of windows was dull and gray. A spattering of rain hit the glass.

Face expressionless, mind blank, Tony put both hands under the coffee table and upended it. The glass top fell and shattered on the wood floor in an explosion of shrapnel.

He crossed over the debris, ignoring the crunching under his shoes, to the bookcase, full of Pepper’s novels and Tony’s science books. There was a stack of Peter’s textbooks on the middle shelf.

Tony braced one foot against the wall and wriggled his fingers into the gap behind the bookcase. He didn’t activate his Iron Man gauntlet, just pulled with all his might until the bookcase finally fell forward with a crash, books spilling onto the ground.

Tony clenched his jaw, turned to find something else to wreck, to destroy, to tear apart like he was being torn apart.

He found Pepper instead, standing in the ruins of the coffee table in her high heels and pencil skirt, immaculate and unfazed.

Tony opened his mouth but nothing came out.

Pepper strode forward and pulled him into her arms, her hand threading through his hair as she pressed him against her shoulder.

Tony clutched at her, his fingers digging probably painfully against her shoulder blades, her ribs. He gasped in a shuddering breath and screamed it out, the sound muffled by Pepper’s collarbone.

She just smoothed a hand up his spine, kissed his temple. He swallowed back a sob, his shoulders shaking.

After several long moments as Tony struggled to keep from breaking down completely, Pepper spoke, her voice quiet but strong.

“Are you ready to go back?” she asked.

Tony wanted to go to the lab and make the cure himself, put himself to work doing something useful.

He wanted to fly to whatever police station Gargan was being held in and kill him, without Iron Man or Scorpion, just Tony and his hands and his grief.

His chest ached from being away from Peter.

“Yeah,” he finally rasped.

The nurse updated Tony when he came in. May was once again sitting at Peter’s side.

They weren’t allowed to hold his hand in case he had another seizure. They weren’t allowed to hold him lest it make his fever rise even higher.

All they could do was sit and watch his heartbeat sputter onward. It was, without doubt, the cruelest torture Tony had ever endured.

Peter’s sleep was fitful and restless. He woke often, but was usually delirious from pain, the fever scrambling any thoughts the medication hadn’t.

“I’m going to fall,” Peter whispered. Tony flinched, not even realizing Peter was awake.

“What, kid?” He asked. May was also leaning forward in her seat, her brow furrowed in confusion.

“I’m going to fall,” he repeated, his eyes widening.

Tony looked at the bed Peter was firmly in the middle of. “You’re not going to fall, Pete.”

Peter looked in Tony’s direction, but couldn’t seem to focus on his face.

“He’s going to drop me.” He was starting to sound scared, pleading. His words were slurring a little bit and there was a fever blush high on his cheeks.

“Who, baby?” May asked, putting her hand on his arm. Peter jerked away like he was cowering from an attack and she pulled her hand back quickly.

“I-I need my webs, I’m going to—It’s so high,” he whimpered. He was starting to shift around in his bed, dislodging some of the ice packs.

“Hey, bud, calm down, you’ve got to keep these on.” Tony stood and tried to rearrange the bedding for Peter, but the kid pushed him away with a shout.

“No, don’t drop me, I can’t—We’re too high, I’ll fall, I—” He kicked the cooling blanket off, too, his eyes growing wilder by the second.

“Cho mentioned hallucinations,” May muttered, watching her kid struggle with some invisible enemy. Tony nodded, mouth dry. He’d been muttering nonsense for a while—apologizing for not finishing his homework, spouting random Spider-Man jokes or the occasional chemical equation—but this was so much worse. Peter was scared, now, of whatever was happening in his head and there was no way to stop it.

“Please. Stop, don’t drop me. No!” Peter screamed, clutching at the sheets hard enough to tear them.

May jumped to her feet, looking down at Peter as the kid thrashed on the bed, sweat curling his hair and soaking his hospital gown.

“Catch him,” she said in a rush.

“What?” Tony asked, his head spinning as he tore his gaze away from Peter.

“He thinks he’s falling! Catch him!”

Tony gapped at her. Then, shaking his head a little, he sat on the edge of the bed. Peter screamed again as Tony yanked the kid into a sitting position and cradled him to his chest.

“Peter!” Tony snapped. Peter’s frantic movements calmed down a little bit. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Peter arms snaked around Tony’s waist, holding on just a little too tightly, as if he were clutching the Iron Man suit as they tumbled through open air.

“Don’t worry, kid. You’re safe now,” Tony muttered low into Peter’s ear and Peter slumped against him as if in relief. His grip didn’t loosen at all though.

May was watching, chewing on her fingernail nervously.

Tony let his hand tangle in Peter’s sweat-damp curls.

“Would I ever let you fall, Pete?”

Peter shook his head against Tony’s sternum. “No, sir,” he slurred.

“No,” Tony agreed. “I’ll always catch you.”

Peter’s arms finally released their death grip on Tony, the kid sighing as he tucked his face against Tony’s neck.

Tony ducked his head and pressed his cheek against Peter’s too hot, sticky one. Even with the fever, it felt so good to hold the kid again, what he’d been aching to do for hours now. The feel of Peter’s staccato breaths against his throat was more soothing than any heart monitor ever could be, the comfort of Peter’s heart beating against his own. Tony closed his eyes, ran his hand through Peter’s hair.

“Tony,” May said softly. Tony opened his eyes again, remembering suddenly that they weren’t supposed to hold Peter. He needed to be tucked under his cooling blankets again, needed the ice packs carefully arranged around him.

Clearing his throat in embarrassment, Tony carefully lowered Peter back against his pillows.

“Here we go, kiddo. Terra firma, once again, huh?”

Peter sighed in relief, his eyes slipping closed as Tony gently prised Peter’s fingers from his sleeve.

Tony sat back down while May fussed over Peter and subtly wiped at his eyes.

Time dragged on as they waited. Tony kept asking FRIDAY for updates from Cho, only for the AI to play a recording of a snarling Cho telling Tony to back off and let her work.

May had cracked her first smile in hours as Tony had blinked in surprise. Then they’d both settled back into the positions they’d been in since Peter had last fallen asleep: Tony, with his hand on Peter’s knee, and May, propping her head on her hand and slowly stroking Peter’s arm.

Peter’s eyes snapped open. For the first time in hours, there was no pain clouding them, no fever or medication. Just pure, animalistic fear.

“I can’t move my legs,” Peter gasped.

Tony and May both bolted to their feet, standing on either side of his bed. May’s hands hovered over Peter as he continued to pant.

“FRI, tell Cho,” he breathed.

“I can’t, I can’t move,” Peter hiccupped.

“Shh, baby,” May cooed as she wiped away tears that were beginning to race down Peter’s cheeks.

“Scorpion venom...,” Tony murmured numbly.

“Is a paralytic,” May finished, meeting Tony’s eyes. Tony had thought it would be the muscle seizures that... But he remembered suddenly Cho saying that it was the venom that was killing him. The venom that would stop his heart once the paralytic reached it.

Peter looked between them frantically, his face pale.

“It’s ok, kid,” Tony rushed to assure, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “As soon as you get that cure you’ll be up and running into trouble in no time, alright?”

Peter’s bottom lip trembled, but he nodded.

“Good boy,” Tony murmured. May bent and kissed his temple, still thumbing his tears away.

“It’ll be ok,” she promised him, and it gave Tony a tiny bit of comfort to know that they would both be breaking promises today.

They held his hands, this time. Tony decided that he could care less if Peter broke his hand and it seemed May agreed, because she laced hers and Peter’s fingers together without a second of hesitation.

Tony would squeeze Peter’s hand every few minutes, and for a while, he got a small squeeze back. After another quarter of an hour, he stopped getting responses.

The heart monitor kept beeping, but it seemed that Peter’s heart was skipping more beats than it was hitting now. His breathing was shallow and wheezing.

The kid had fallen asleep, or passed out, again at some point.

May wiped tears from her face. Then she stood and clambered onto the bed next to Peter, curling up next to him. His fever was the least of their worries, now.

“Get up here, Tony,” May sniffled. Tony opened his mouth, trying to think of a way to protest. She just rolled her eyes and leaned over Peter to tug at Tony’s arm. “Come on. We’re not going to let our boy be alone, are we?”

Tony swallowed, and shook his head.

He clambered onto the mattress, Peter pressed close and fever hot. Tony cautiously laid his head on the pillow, tracing Peter’s profile with his eyes. He laid his hand on Peter’s chest and his fingers brushed May’s, doing the same thing on Peter’s other side.

“The night Ben died,” May murmured, her voice shaking, “Peter locked himself in his room. He’d been distant for a while and he’d been with Ben when...,” she cleared her throat. “I was laying on our bed, just... distraught. I couldn’t sleep I was crying so hard.”

Tony swallowed. He couldn’t imagine living in a world where Pepper was dead. But he’s sure May had felt the same way before Ben had been murdered.

He couldn’t imagine living in a world where Peter was dead, either.

“At almost one in the morning, I heard my door creak open. Peter came and crawled onto the bed with me and I tried to pull myself together enough to comfort him, but instead he—” May’s voice broke and she took a shuddering breath. “He pulled my head against his bony little chest and held me while I cried.”

Tears burned in Tony’s eyes and fell onto Peter’s pillow.

May hiccupped. The bed shook a little as she sobbed. “I won’t have anyone to hold me now.”

May was fully weeping against Peter’s hair now. Tony was barely holding on to his composure, feeling that he didn’t have any right to mourn when compared to May. He wasn’t the one losing his last family member, the child he’d raised for ten years.

“I love you, Peter,” May tried to say, but her voice was so thin and torn Tony could barely hear it. “I—Tony,” she begged.

Tony sniffed, but took over. He brushed his thumb over Peter’s temple, his cheekbone.

“We love you, kiddo,” Tony said. “We love you so much.”

Peter took a rasping breath. The heart monitor beeped, paused for a long moment, then beeped again.

This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening.

Tony cleared his throat.

“We just adore you, Pete,” he added, and May sobbed out an agreement. “You’re... you’re the light of our lives.” His voice cracked and he had to stop.

The light of their lives. A blazing star, about to die. And they would both be sucked into the black hole that was born from its end, never to escape. Never to recover.

A tear dripped off Tony’s nose, landing in Peter’s hair as Tony pressed a lingering kiss to his temple.

May grabbed Tony’s hand.

The door burst open.

“I’ve got it,” Helen breathed, rushing forward. “I’ve got it.”

Tony nearly fell off the bed in his haste to get out of her way.

Cho had a single syringe, which she injected directly into Peter’s IV port.

Tony looked from Peter, to her, to Bruce standing in the doorway, rumpled and wide-eyed, and then turned to May. She had one hand over her mouth, the other still clutching tight to Peter.

“How... how long, do you think?” Tony asked numbly.

“Not too long,” Cho said, crossing her arms and watching Peter. “A few minutes tops before he starts being able to move again.”

May smiled, suddenly, blindingly, and let out a slightly hysterical laugh.

“Thank you,” she hiccupped. “You have no idea how much... thank you.”

She seemed reluctant to move from Peter’s side, which Tony understood. But he stepped forward anyway, sweeping a surprised Helen into a hug.

“Thank you,” he echoed. “If you hadn’t been here...”

She patted him on the back and pulled away. “Of course,” she said, shrugging off the praise.

Tony hugged Bruce too, before they both left to rest and get something to eat, with the promise that FRIDAY would alert them when Peter woke up.

Then Tony returned to the bed that he’d sat vigil at for the last four hours, perching on the edge.

May stuck out her hand, smiling as Tony took it. Then they each took one of Peter’s hands and waited, barely able to breathe.

It took two and a half minutes of squeezing Peter’s hand, but finally, finally, Peter squeezed back.

May sobbed, a giddy, elated sound. She bent and pressed a kiss to Peter’s cheek, then leaned over Peter and wrapped Tony in a one armed hug, kissing his cheek as well. He hugged her back just as tightly.

It was a miracle there was no lasting damage, from the fever or the Centipede serum. Tony had offered to buy Cho a private island in gratitude, but she’d laughed, saying that she’d be there for a day before he was calling her back because Peter got shot again. Tony hated that she was right.

He and May had started taking shifts in the Medbay, so they could actually get some food and sleep. Peter was supposed to be released in a couple days, but neither of them were too eager for that.

The kid’s muscles were still sore from the seizures, the wound on his side closing more slowly than normal. Not to mention that he was still in pain pretty much all the time as the poison worked its way out of his system.

It was May’s turn to watch the kid, now, and Tony was sitting in the darkened living room nursing a tepid mug of coffee. The bookshelf had been righted, all the books put back on. There was a new coffee table that Pepper must have picked out. Wood, this time.

“Is that new?” a voice asked, making Tony jump.

Peter was in the doorway, leaning against the wall for support.

Tony leapt to his feet and hurried over, wrapping an arm around Peter’s waist. The kid shifted to lean against him instead, letting Tony lead him back toward the couch.

“I would lecture you, but I’m honestly surprised it took you this long to escape,” Tony tutted. “May fall asleep?”

“Finally,” Peter said. He sat down with a hiss of pain that made Tony wince in sympathy. Tony sat next to him and found his shoulder instantly utilized as a pillow. “Seriously, that table is new right? I’m not addled?”

Tony huffed, curling his arm around Peter’s back. “Who still says addled, kid? But yeah, it’s new.”

Peter hummed in approval. He breathed in time with Tony for a long minute, shifting so that their ribs were pressed together, expanding and contracting in sync.

“Did you have to kill Scorpion to get the venom?” Peter asked quietly.

Tony took a deep breath, Peter’s damp hair smelling of the baby shampoo they provided in the medbay showers.

“No. I wanted to, though,” he admitted in that unintentional candor Peter often brought out of him. “I still do.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Tony knew that. Peter wanted everyone to live, no matter what they’d done or who they’d done it to. “I’m proud of you.”

The words sunk into Tony’s bloodstream, warm and healing.

Tony put his hand on the back of Peter’s neck, feeling the knob of his spine against his palm, the lingering warmth from his shower.

He pulled Peter a little closer, wrapped his other arm around him and held him for a long moment, his eyes closed as he counted Peter’s heartbeats.

Peter cuddled into him like he was ready to go to sleep.

“Uh-uh,” Tony chided gently, only pulling back enough to rest his chin on Peter’s head. “May’ll kill me if I let you sleep out here.”

Peter gave a small snort. “Nah. You two have bonded now, she told me.”

“She told you,” Tony repeated deadpan.

“Well, she told she didn’t hate you anymore. Same thing.” Peter’s nose was a little cool where it pressed against Tony’s pulse point. It was almost nice, banishing the lingering memories of burning skin and fever hazy eyes.

“I’m not carrying you to the medbay, kid.” Tony insisted.

“Sure, you will,” Peter said, and Tony could feel his smile. “You adore me.”

Tony thought back to only a day and a half before, when he said the same thing to a Peter hanging onto life by a thread. When he thought he was saying goodbye.

“The light of my life,” Tony agreed, sincerity in every syllable. He kissed Peter’s hair.

“I like it when you do that,” Peter mumbled, the words starting to blur together as he dozed.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Tony whispered. He’d call for a wheelchair to be brought down in a little while, but for now, he was happy to sit and hold his kid while he slept.

@irondadficexchange @iron--spider

#irondadficexchange #Irondad and Spiderson #Tony Stark #Peter Parker #MCU #brotp: speaking of loyalty #my writing #fic #how to write endings....

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27emailsicantsend · 5 years

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3x14 and 3x15 Andi Mack scene by scene recap + my unnecessary opinions lol

Forewarning: as from the title these ARE spoilers to the episodes if you haven’t seen it. I’m tagging spoilers out but there’s still a chance they could be seen. Also, I’m giving a scene by scene recap with my opinions of the show. I’ve been requested to do the recap but I also want to talk about what I thought from these episodes in more detail than my post yesterday. So for the most part it’ll be factual but I’m really invested in these two episodes so I’ll definitely be adding my own twang. It’s virtually impossible for me not to recap my own hype for the episodes lol. Hope you’re a Muffy and Tyrus stan bc I’ve got some cOnTeNt for you ❤️

Ok here. we. go.

3x14

Scene starts in the spoon. It’s Andi, Muffy, and Cyrus. Muffy and Cyrus talk about Andi’s parents not getting married while Amber overhears. She gets upset and asks why. Andi clarifies her parents aren’t married, but still together and Amber makes the comment, “unlike my house. My parents are still married but barely together”. Which gets some awks looks from the table. Andi tells them she’s not sad, but angry. Then she says that B&B (Bex and Bowie) said she’s entitled to her feelings to which Cyrus claims as being manipulative?? (Still don’t see how, but he explains that they are playing dodgeball and b&b are on one side and Andi on the other. She has a ball of anger she wants to throw, but they’re ready for it. So if she throws it, they’ll catch it and then she basically can’t show her anger- he’s obviously been listening to his counseling parents hahaha). Andi asks where she can throw her anger ball (lol) so Amber takes her to a sledge hammer place (Rage Cage) where everyone is in individual cages that have old items that you just beat up with a sledge hammer.

*opening song*

Andi is laying on her bed and gets a really excited phone call from CeCe about the wedding to which Andi feels guilty. She tries to tell Bex to tell CeCe it’s cancelled but Bex refuses bc the next day is CeCe’s bday. This scene had some really good acting BTW (I’ll probably tell you when this happens too bc honestly props to the actors. And the cinematography and music in these two episodes is beautiful. Literally made me feel like I was watching a movie).

Buffy runs up to Marty at a bench and he gets a big dimple smile bc why wouldn’t he be excited to see her?? Lol Buffy starts mocking Marty’s shoes because they have toe inserts and that’s when he tells her they are for a marathon. Buffy gets confused (and lowkey upset) she didn’t know about the marathon and Marty is all, “we have a lot of catching up to do” and I’m all (you have a lot of dating to do because my soul has been empty this past season without you. #RIPME 😭 ⚰️). So Buffy gets all flirty competitive and says she wants to race as well. Marty tries to talk her out of it bc he’s worried about an injury, dehydration, etc. but this is Buffy we’re talking about and she insists she can do it and then runs away lol, but Marty can’t help the love he feels for her and smiles sheepishly as he goes to run away with her (very metaphoric. I love)

Jonah and Cyrus are walking and Cyrus invites Jonah to see a meteor shower in his backyard for a campout (good Jyrus moment if you ship that) Jonah makes a lame joke about not having a s’more in awhile and so he has “s’less”- Cyrus tells him not to hurt himself making that joke 😂😂

B&B and Andi are at a restaurant waiting for CeCe & Ham. CeCe shows up and tells everyone Ham went back to India.

Cyrus and Jonah go into a beautifully set up tent where Cyrus obviously had to out-do himself and make everything in the tent extra. I love a gay interior design queen.

Back at the restaurant, CeCe says Ham went to India for rest. CeCe makes some really weird remark about seeing him again (yikes) and the rest make comments about him doing what he needs to do and that they have to accept it and not take each other for granted. Very subtextual of the real situation, but also a great way to write off his character and play into Bex worrying about cancelling the wedding. She showed fear like she wouldn’t want to say anything to CeCe bc he’s gone, but since CeCe was ok with him leaving, Bex calmed down too. Just really well done. CeCe tried to show Bex venue photo’s and Bex tried to stop her but then Bex just says she had a problem mailing the wedding invites *cliff hanger*

Cyrus and Jonah back at the tent. Jonah is panicking about dying in Cyrus’ backyard and Cyrus brings meat into the tent but makes it all flirty and weird- I don’t ship Jyrus but the whole thing lowkey felt like they were trying to impress Jyrus shippers with date vibes haha (also the meat is BAD if you’re camping bc animals can get to you). Then an animal hits their tent at (obviously) the right time

CeCe now knows the wedding is off and is PiSsEd™️. The waiters are all completely unaware and don’t know how to read the room so they bring a sparkler cake. CeCe flips the sparkler upside down, shoves it in the cake, and exits as dramatically as possible. Leaving the mustached waiter with an awkward face like:

Then there was this weird commercial on my app promoting season 2 like bish you already know I watched that season at least twice don’t play me like that

Back to the pointless tent scene (for real- this scene was just filler. You rip off Tyrus FOR THIS? Actual homophobia). Jonah mispronounces some weird thing (and Cyrus says don’t hurt yourself again) and then breaks the tent. Cyrus makes a failed attempt at opening the tent with a cheese knife but Shazam! saves the day by telling Cyrus not to hurt himself and opening the tent with the same cheese knife (honestly, weird flex but ok). They escape and are saved and watch a poorly CGI’d meteor shower like two old men on their front porch. and yippee five minutes of wasted screen time are over. I don’t care if you ship Jyrus. It was a waste of time when we could have been focusing on the TeA of the show. *rant over- no worries. Many more to come*

Back to important matters, Muffy is now running their race. Marty doesn’t want to race. He just wants to finish in under 4 hours and Buffy wants to finish under his time. Buffy agrees with Mr. Party at first, but then hears the word “race” and bolts away like Lightning McQueen.

Bex and Andi back at the house. Bex says it went bad with CeCe bc she won’t even act like Bex exists. Andi realizes her anger and knows where to take her (you guessed it. RAGe CAGe- Andi said it wasn’t for Bex lol so she wouldn’t tell Bex where she was going with CeCe 😂 the shade)

Marty is jogging along like a middle aged white woman and sees Buffy wheezing. He gets all husband like and concerned as he catches her in his arms. (Which reminds me of a pic I saw on Tumblr where they drew her in his arms but laced it with the “Miss Keisha” vine and I was here for it). Then Marty and Buffy put their arms around each other and he escorts her to a bench. (Just saying, everyone knows Tyrus is going to involve a bench scene but as us loyal fans know, Muffy shadows Tyrus and they have also encountered two (2) benches thus far. Coincidence? Maybe. Will I believe it was a coincidence? Absolutely not). Then he puts her on the bench and acts all cute and paramedic and concerned. He’s been taking doc notes at General Hospital obviously. (He even mentions taking her to a doctor). Buffy is all like, “Run your race Marty. 4 1/2 hours. [I’m the supportive girlfriend you hoe].” And he doesn’t want to leave her and she accuses him of being a martyr? Then she snaps at him (like tf) to go away and he gets all angsty™️ and runs off and my heart broke bc I was not ready for a Muffy battle.

Andi and CeCe at the Rage Cage... rage. In a cage.

Marty comes running back to Buffy with a dimple smile again bc he knows she was trying to “White Fang” him from a movie they saw together (❤️). To “White Fang” is for the boy in the movie to send the wolf away, wolf doesn’t want to leave, so the boy throws rocks at him to make him go. Buffy is caught (but she ain’t mad) and I need to quote this part word for word bc it’s TOO CUTE 🥰🥰🥰

B: You’re the one who said we should run our own race

M: That’s what I’m doing

B: Wanna sit here with me?

M: No. I wanna cross the finish line with you 😭😭😭

And that, my friends, was the day my heart ripped in half from joy

Then he picks her up and they put their arms around each other (I seriously can’t. They made me cry last night and lowkey I thought it was bc I was tired but I’m fully energized and watery eyed... sooo....) then Marty makes a joke about them running and Buffy goes, “you’re hilarious” and his voice gets all soft and he looks at her all gentle and goes, “you finally figured that out” AND PLEASE TERRI STOP IT HURTS. But no, the scene CONTINUES BECAUSE MY HEART APPARENTLY COULD TAKE THAT (lies). And the scene changes and now Marty is PIGBACKING HER ACROSS THE FINISH LINE THREE HOURS LATER. LIKE STOP. STOP. I CAN’T HANDLE THESE TENDER MOMENTS. (Seriously they were together an extra three hours with him helping her. I’m WeAk). And they both get medals and Buffy compliments him so he gets all happy and tells her to keep going, but she runs out of compliments so he goes, “ok, I just wanted to see how deep that well went” with his eyes darting all over her face and then the music shifts to almost like progressive-romantic music as BUFFY PUTS HER ARM BACK AROUND HIM AND THEY WALK AWAY (the music was placed so we knew they were having a moment) and that was the exact moment I died. MY PARENTS. (Watched this scene 3 times and will 100% watch it at least 1000 more).

Then Andi sees Amber raging. In a cage. She’s like “excuse me? What are you doing here” and Amber is all mad at Jonah and Andi’s all break up with your boyfriend yeah yeah cuz I’m bored. And Amber wasn’t here for it because apparently she thinks she’s in love with Jonah now? (with tears in her eyes... I mean, love to me isn’t that angry and hating everything he does [he only sent her six emoji’s apparently and just isn’t there for her] that it drives you to physical violence but ok)-(but good acting along with the last Muffy scene but I’m sure ya’ll picked up on that from my synopsis lol)

3x15

FYI this synopsis won’t be AS long, but that’s because Muffy is absent and I have an unexpresible love for them and this episode also sent me over the EDGE with Tyrus 🙄😤🙃 but I’ll do what I can with Tyrus bc it’s still gay and angsty and I was here for that part of it (also I love the Terri devoted two separate episodes to Tyrus and Muffy. Like she really knows this Friendom and what will keep us watching lol)

Unnecessary opening scene with B&B and Andi going to the movie instead of spending time on their phones (it was cute but unnecessary. I liked in the last episode that the rage cage in the beginning scene actually tied into the episode)

*opening credits*

Buffy and Cyrus watching Kira and TJ like hawks from the bench far away and Buffy is confused af about it. She asks Cyrus and he gets all angsty (I WILL over use this word bc it’s too accurate for this episode, wait til you actually see it) and goes “I don’t know” *shoulder shrug* “I haven’t been hanging out with TJ lately”

Buffy: because of that?

Cyrus: they’ve been pretty much attached at the hip (then Kira has the AUDACITY to jump on TJ’s back) and the back. They look happy.

B: it won’t last. Kira’s not a nice person. Only took me a day to figure that out. Since he’s a GUY, it’ll take longer.

Cloud 10 with Bex and Andi discussing Bex and CeCe making up, but in front of CeCe. CeCe is still PiSsEd™️. Bex tries to talk to her and BEGS to make up with her mom but her mom is cold and I felt Bex’s pain. (Great acting in this scene too. I just wanted to hug Bex. Like did you really have to do her a dirty like that? With Tyrus and Bex, this episode is starting to feel like 3x13 again and I thought we all agreed to never speak of that episode ever again)

Cyrus is sitting all angsty and alone with some frozen yogurt in front of a greenhouse? Literally no idea where he is at but it’s such a mood lol and even funnier that TJ found him there. Like where are they?? Hahahaha but ANYWAY, TJ sits down and confronts Cyrus about avoiding him. Cyrus says he isn’t but TJ is like “kinda feels like it”. Cyrus tries to say that TJ has been occupied with Kira taking up his time and TJ denies that hard. And here’s the TEA sis:

Cyrus: you two are clearly hitting it off. Which is great. I’m happy for you guys.

TJ: you make it sound like we’re a couple. We’re not. We mostly just talk about basketball.

C: and then you give her a piggy back ride?

T: she bet me I couldn’t carry her. That was all

Then TJ tried to tell Cyrus to hangout with them more and Cyrus rejects that bc Kira knows Cyrus is Buffy’s best friend. Then Kira comes in to hoe around the scene and sits at the table. Says “heyyyy” all flirty to TJ 😒 and “hi Cyrus” direct and cold to Cyrus. Then becomes the most fake hoeeeee when pretending to agree with TJ that they should hang out more with Cyrus. Cyrus YEETS outta there and Mr. heart eyes looks like he created depression (it was that prevalent). Kira gets all needy and is like, “hellooo? I’m over here” and TJ just looks at her with the fakest angsty smile. Like why.

At the spoon, the GHC AND Jonah are sitting and Andi tells of this store called Mint Chip where they burn clothes rather than donate them bc it would make the brand look bad and lose sales if it’s with charity. Like??? Ok you actually look better with charity sooooo take two steps back B. Buffy gets the taste of wanting to be a bad guy (cue bad guy by Billie Eilish) and they all go dumpster diving and get the clothes from Mint Chip’s dumpster. Not much happens other than them stealing clothes and Buffy says her ankle hurts so she can’t get in the dumpster. IDK if that’s from the dehydration last episode (bc when she’s walking with Marty 😍 she’s limping) or if she fell wrong at the dumpster. It’s foreshadowing bc I know she has a hurt foot in a later episode so not sure where it will come in or why.

The kids have an outdoor “sidewalk sale” where they give away the free clothes from mint chip and some lady comes and gets a coat. She shows up later in the episode to tell Bex and CeCe about the sale but they do nothing. It was really weirdly staged like this character had more importance in the episode and got cut or she has importance later on. IDK? She just got a ton of screen time for it to go nowhere so we’ll see. And Cyrus is a Queen and styled some guy for an interview and Buffy is a Queen and styled a lady for a first online date. Then Jonah is just himself and doesn’t know what a pencil skirt is. *cue clothing sale montage with Jonah being a player and talking to lots of girls and the GHC+Jonah looking all sweet looking at pics from the day*

B&B get a wedding gift from Celia. It’s a snow globe from the night Bowie proposed, but since it’s mailed, was sent before CeCe knew about the cancellation. Bex tries to write her a thank you card but can’t and cries through it (great acting here too- Bex just takes the cake on acting TBH)

At the sale, Cyrus shows Buffy a shirt he wants to give to TJ (which isn’t a hoodie, surprisingly). He takes a pic & sends it to him to ask if he likes it and Buffy says “it’ll look good with his eyes” and Cyrus is all “it WILL 😍”

Buffy: he’s gonna like it. Why don’t you just give it to him?

C: I thought about that. I’m not sure how much he’s want that.

B: a free shirt??

C: ME. Giving him a free shirt.

B: there’s a great way to find out

C: what is it?

B: *forcing the shirt back to Cyrus* give him the shirt. Maybe it’ll mean something to him. Maybe it won’t. Either way, it’s a nice thing to do [seriously though I stan a Tyrus Ally]

C: it’s TJ. Thumbs up on the shirt *replying to Teej lol* you should come by the sale. It’s amazing. *back to the Vampire Slayer* was that too braggy?

B: not braggy enough

C: TJ *reading the message* I’m at the park *back to Buffy* what do you think that means?

B: he wants you to meet him?

C: you think

B: why else would he tell you where he is?

C: should I bring the shirt? I’m gonna being the shirt. *walks away and comes back* the shirt feels weird

B: then don’t take it

C: *walks away and comes back*

B: *whilst saying nothing hands Cyrus the shirt with a loving, yet so over Cyrus’ gay angst expression*

C: he’s gonna be expecting it... so I’m just gonna- yeah *yeets out of there in gay*

Kira and TJ at the park. Kira asks who TJ is texting and he says no one 😤 so TJ suggests feeding the ducks and Kira decides to hoe around yet again and suggests swinging first. She’s all flirty and TJ is ~not straight and not here for it~. He’s all like “I’m not five” like he doesn’t go swinging and Kira gets all competitive over who can swing higher and makes comments reflecting his and Cyrus’ convo which gets him to get on the swing (reluctantly) and also she is on Cyrus’ swing?? So umm? Get tf off???? And that’s when Cyrus pops around a tree, shirt in hand, to see THAT DISGUSTING MOCKERY OF A FRIENDSHIP I HATE IT SO MUCH??? EWWWW. And he’s all sad and angsty and jealous so he walks away **AND AS HE’S WALKING AWAY DOES A LOOK BACK SOOOOOOOOOO HE IS FOR SURE IN LOVE FREAKING HECK I CAN’T** and I just want to hug my boi and I can’t hug him and ugh 😭😭😭 my sad tears are here.

So Cyrus sees Buffy and tells her TJ was with Kira so that makes Buffy all annoyed (she’s a real one). Cyrus becomes a liar and says they’re “good together” again. Buffy tries to reassure him it won’t last, but Cyrus isn’t sure and now has this shirt he doesn’t know what to do with. He gives it to Jonah and says he has nice eyes too??? Like umm? Rebound much, Cyrus?? Like Boo. Don’t do that. I’m here for YOU. Jonah then tells some woman about how they pulled off the clothing shop and a police officer shows up. They don’t have a license to sell and never bought the clothing so they can’t give it for free. Next thing you know Bex is getting a call (after trying to make things right with CeCe AGAIN and more A+ acting.. seriously though freaking FORGIVE HER ALREADY SHE IS DOING EVERYTHING SHE CAN) and runs with CeCe to go help bail the GHC+Jonah out of jail (this was also after the woman in the coat makes a 2 second appearance at cloud 10 to talk about the sale and NOTHING HAPPENS WITH HER SO WHY). The scene ends with the cell door closing so I hope next episode maybe this scare freaks CeCe enough into making up with Bex. But IDK.

I’ve got many mixed feelings about these episodes. Hope you enjoyed my highly detailed and opinionated synopsis of the show 😂😂 can’t wait for next week!! ❤️

#andi mack #am spoilers #andi mack spoilers #tyrus #muffy #epidode recap #buffy driscoll #marty from the party #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #sophia wylie #luke mullen #garren lake #joshua rush #bexie #cece mack #bex mack

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marshmarrowsans · 6 years

Text

Sans/Reader: Outdoor Monster Concert and Jamboree

I saved this word doc as “OutDOOT Monster Concert and Jamboree” lmfao -Mod Kasha AO3 link

You had to say, you appreciated the creativity they put into the big monster concert and jamboree. It was a huge deal, both to monsters and to the humans who loved them. There was an enormous selection of food and drinks, both alcoholic and virgin, both magical and mundane. There was a big, theatrical performance on stage for each song (most of them involving Mettaton, because who the hell would want to go up there and entertain both human and monsterkind more than him?). And the idea behind the song choices was simple: one song from each decade they were trapped underground, counting backwards.

Currently, you were on the 80s. She’s a maniac, maniac on the floor

And she’s dancing like she’s never danced before!

You weren’t really looking onstage anymore. You were too wrapped up in what you were doing: hopping and swinging your hips along to the beat, and letting Papyrus pull you along. It really didn’t bother you at all to be dancing with your best friend Sans’ little brother like this—the two of you were close friends too, he was so much fun to be around, and he had so much energy! The whole reason he ended up dancing with you was because Sans was too busy lying on his stomach like a cozy little slug, on a blanket laid out over the grass, watching the performance on stage, and occasionally, glancing over to look at you. He wasn’t much of a dancer. But boy, Papyrus sure was! “WOWIE! I CAN’T BELIEVE SANS IS BEST FRIENDS WITH SOMEBODY WHO IS SO GOOD AT DANCING! MAYBE HE LIKES THAT YOU COMPENSATE FOR HIS OWN LACK OF GRACE!” You laughed, twirling in a circle that made your loose clothes fluff out around you momentarily, like you were some kind of royalty. “Yeah?! Well I can’t believe that Sans is RELATED to somebody who’s so good at dancing!” It can cut you like a knife If the fight becomes the fire On the wire between will and what will be…

The chorus started up again, and you put everything into your dancing. You forgot your insecurities and inhibitions, forgot your usual worries that somebody might look at you and laugh at the way you danced. You’d never felt so comfortable in your own skin as you did around your monster friends.

“NYEH-HEH-HEH! YOU GO, HUMAN! STRUT YOUR STUFF, AS THEY SAY! SHAKE THAT BOOTY!” You were having a hard enough time holding in your own laughter when you heard him say that before you glanced over at Sans and saw him snort the root beer he was trying to drink up into and out of his nasal cavity. That made you double over for a second, laughter squeezing a couple of happy tears from your eyes. Then you threw your arms up in the air and sang the last couple of verses of the song at the top of your lungs while dancing downright recklessly.

She's a maniac, maniac I sure know And she's dancing like she's never danced before

Maniac, maniac I sure know…

As the song fell into its final diminuendo, so did your dancing, until the song was over and you were left standing there, breathless. Papyrus rushed you and gave you a hug that almost made your exhausted legs give out from under you. “Whoa! Is my dancing THAT great?” “IT’S JUST SO NICE TO SEE YOU HAVING SO MUCH FUN!” It struck you at that moment—you didn’t know it had been so noticeable, but you hadn’t exactly been in a good place when you met your now-friends. You had been shy, and quiet, and lonely, and sad. And that was all putting it simply—it had been more severe than just those things. Sure, things weren’t perfect now, they never would be perfect, but you were happy. That was worth a lot. And it showed, clearly.

That was easily the most energetic dance you’d done so far at the concert, and you’d been on your feet since it began, so you and Papyrus both agreed that you’d earned your spot next to Sans on the blanket. “wow,” he remarked simply, his eyes following you all the way from your spot in the crowd to your new spot next to him. “making me jealous of my own little bro.” “Pffft. Why? I’d dance with you if you wanted to.”

“i know. i just wish i could keep up with those quick hips of yours.” He grinned mischievously and reached over to tickle your sides, making you squirm for a moment before you managed to shove his hands away. “heheh. too bad i’ve got these old, slow bones.” “Sans! You’re only, like… five years older than Papyrus.” “i know. i’m sooo old. i’m knock-knock-knockin’ on heaven’s door. man. they shoulda’ played that for the 90s song.” Now that you were close together, he put his arm around you. Between cuddling with your best friend and the cool evening breeze, relaxation washed over you quickly. Your heart slowed from an excited and euphoric race to a slow, even beat.

It was a good thing you took some time to relax, because a few songs later, a miracle happened. Sans got to his feet and silently, somewhat awkwardly offered you his hand. You looked up at him, puzzled. “… You want to dance to this one?” you asked him. “if that’s ok. it’s in a movie i like. and it’s slow dancing. the only kinda dancing i can handle…” he joked, earning a cute little giggle of acknowledgement from you, “if you don’t mind putting up with my two left feet—” “Of course I don’t mind.” Earth angel, Earth angel, will you be mine? My darling dear, love you all the time I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you

You and Sans stood across from each other, your arms over his shoulders, his hands on your hips. You swayed aimlessly from side to side like a couple of teenagers at prom, but not even high school prom. Middle school prom. Eighth grade, we-just-did-the-dancing-unit-in-PE-and-we-swear-we-know-what-we’re-doing prom. “… i’m so bad at this,” Sans whispered under his breath. “You’re fine, little guy. As long as you don’t step on my toes? I’d say you’re doing pretty well~” “just so you know. when i keep glancing down?” You’d noticed he’d been doing that. “that’s not me getting fresh with you. that’s me making sure i don’t step on your toes with these clodhoppers.” “Heheh! Okay, Sansy…” “it’s true.” Earth angel, Earth angel, please be mine My darling dear, love you all the time I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you You smiled, feeling your cheeks become warm as they often did around him, and pulled him in until you had your arms fully wrapped around each other and you were dancing cheek-to-cheek. You could smell something besides ketchup and pine on him for once. Did… he put on bone cologne for this? He must’ve been planning to dance with you ahead of time, waiting for a good song to start. God, it was always the little things about Sans that made him so sweet. I fell for you, and I knew

The vision of your love's loveliness

He mumbled what you were pretty sure was your name against your chest, and you shifted your head a little to let him know he had your attention. “Yeah, Sans?” He pulled away, just a little, and you faltered and stopped dancing for a moment before he chuckled and told you to “keep goin’.” He just wanted to look at you. His pupils were in the shapes of hearts.

I hope and I pray, that some day

I'll be the vision, the vision of your happiness

Oh, oh, oh…

He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his teeth to your lips, tense, as if just waiting for you to pull away and reject him. Instead, you leaned in, curled your fingers into the fabric of his hoodie, and reciprocated. Earth angel, Earth angel! Please be mine My darling dear, love you for all time

He pulled away first, nervous despite your clear acceptance. “probably shoulda warned—” “Shut up and kiss me again, bone boy.” You leaned in first this time, and kissed him even deeper than the first time. It was his turn to show his acceptance, and he did, his body relaxing blissfully in your arms. I'm just a fool A fool in love with you.

#sans #sans the skeleton #sans/reader #sans x reader #monstersummermash #undertale #pre-relationship #first kiss #fluff #happiness #first dance #dancing together #just aaahhh #papyrus is there bein cute too

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riskeith · 3 years

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hihi! <333

it didn’t stay for long but then it started snowing a lot again and this time it seems like it will stick.. dude crazy how different our climates are rn.. i can only imagine how warm it is rn in aus. no worries! there’s always a tomorrow after today :DDD my days has been nothing but stressing over school and exams, watching haikyuu, playing genshin and thinking about you (sry i have to flirt can’t help it 😜) wbu?

i do have her, i meant hypothetically ! also THE DILUC COMIC IS SO SPOT ON gosh that’s so funny shhdkdhdjdjdj that happened with my boy bennett he just... can’t light those torches... bouken da bouken... 3: gotta bring out amber for that task tbh.

traveller is such a op!! from what i gather people sleep on them because they’re free and there are “more” exciting characters but traveller is a five star!!! put some respect on their name 😤 to each their own, but yk. underrated baby.

YEAH PRO BENDERS!!!!!!! well.. they’re on opposite teams and something happens at an important match of theirs so they’re forced to link up to survive and well.. yeah 😌 i’ve written about 20k words and i’m not even half done with the story help... i really wanna finish it though... anyway yes i do write shdksjdksjdk at first i was too shy to bring it up but you know so much about me already might as well.. 😶 i’ve written for years but i only started posting seriously again after years of not doing it in 2020... i have a couple out actually !! shsjdjhdjdjd not a lot of klance but some bnha ! 🥺 maybe someday i’ll share... 🥺

this connects a bit with this ^ part above as well i suppose. it was incredibly freeing ! it was actually the best thing i’ve done to myself.. idk i realized that that life was just dragging me down so much... always being connected and knowing everything all the time drained me so much. then i just cut everything out and found myself??? this sounds so generic but it’s true jshsjjsisjfj if it’s something you’ve thought about i truly recommend it!!! it takes some time to get used to the silence but god when you do it’s so relaxing. it’s like... so fun hanging out with yourself. i got into so many shows and watched so much movies and stuff by myself and made my own memories and i treasure that so much. shdhdkdhkssj this got so deep..... freelance writing do be like that. you can’t force it you just gotta let it come to you. but looking at your posting list you’re super consistent and it’s always quality fics so don’t feel too bad!! here’s an outside view telling you that you’re doing super well... <333

COUPLES THAT FIGHT TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER. yea they fucking do. look at us being todobaku kinnies... dhsjdhkshsksjdhdkd LMAO. GOD SERIOUSLY AAAA??????? wait 😭😭 venti baby is coming home..... he is coming home!! 😭😭😭😭 i’ve thought about it seriously and i’d happily pay money to have him his fighting style is just soooo good... 🥺 imagine if we had xiao and venti that would be so sexy of us. manifesting it all day every day. you know i would happily give some financial support for your xiao pulls... if it comes down to it <333333 i haven’t read anything either i haven’t thought much about shipping while playing tbh shksdhksshdk maybe someday for fun tho.. also i had no idea!!!! i’m def gonna check it out, is it on their website?

if they announced a movie and it was a prequel... i’d be so upset. like... so fucking upset lmao. there are so many unresolved loose ends it would be so annoying... but truthfully i don’t think they’ll do it. voltron took to hard of a hit for them to pull a move like that lmao .

hmmmm it’s true that studio ghibli movies end too fast.. one moment you’re like... in this amazing beautiful world and the next there are end credits. haku is BESTEST boy. dragon king.... <3333 you’re going on a studio ghibli marathon??? how beautiful of you. <3

🥺 ik but i love asking.... you know that tumblr post where the dude talks about how he keeps calling his wife ‘my wife’ because it makes him happy to remember that they’re married? that’s literally me.. ANYWAY AAAAA ! a one shot multichap sounds soooooooooo good.... i’d love to read it pls i’d be so honored. it’s up to you though i’d accept Anything i too have my whole heart open..

btw i’ve never asked but always wondered: what kind of music do you listen to? <3

*bernie voice* i am once again asking for your forgiveness. i keep sending these long ass asks i rly need to chill... goodbye LMAO :*

(‘read more’ again bc my reply got long fhksjfjds)

hi bb!

oooo nice! did you get to play in the snow~ and yeah ahah it’s close to 30 degrees rn! it was pretty shit earlier in the week but it’s gonna get hotter again for a bit. does it get pretty hot in sweden in the summer? or are you guys too close to the north pole or something for that to happen

that sounds good!! (other than the horrible thing that is school...) ahah you’ve got my heart going doki doki now please 🤪💓. in all honesty it seems pretty balanced tho i do hope you’re taking breaks from study and all!! hmm today i got up super late again and then i tried to go for a walk (it was too hot so i came back) and then i was editing a fic! and now i’m gonna play genshin bc i think a new event started, then hopefully maybe finally start studying fhksjfd

ahh ! AHHAHA nooooo rip :( but omg i still can’t believe you have bennett.. like i know that i haven’t tried for this banner and maybe i would have him too if i did but 😩😩 he’s so cute!! WAIT on that topic guoba does that too i swear i have to like make so many calculations and figure out the optimal spot to place him so he won’t go breathing fire in the wrong direction XD

i 10000000% agree!!! like excuse me they can also control TWO elements???? who else could ever 😩 i watched a video about geo traveller too some time ago and that made me stop sleeping on them like damn they did some damage!

hehehe that sounds so intriguing 👀 20k!!! that’s more than i could ever omg... sending you strength!! you’ve got this 💪💪 icb you were too shy to bring it up pls im losing my mind over here 😭 but aw that’s really nice <3 maybe 2020 did some good after all.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pls whenever you’re ready i’m here... or mayhaps would you be okay with just plain copying a snippet into an ask sometime i promise i won’t look it up and try find you 😩 but i wanna witness some of your magnificence !

(also scratch that genshin co-op date idea um... fic collab instead?! could you imagine 😌)

yeah ugh i totally get the being drained feeling.. it’s like it doesn’t bring you joy you know? and you’re just still there bc you’ve just always been there and it’s too late to leave. !!! that does sound really tempting.. but i think i’m a bit too attached to the people i’ve met (you being one of them hehe) to fully let go. but if in the future i just need to take a break i’ll def do it! i was hesitant about doing that last year but now that i’ve done it before surely I won’t hesitate before doing it again (tho i’ve noticed that whenever i try to leave/take a break some new thing happens or releases and i’m losing my mind and can’t go fskjfhsd)

tysm marriage anon i appreciate you sm 😭💞 but yeah it’s easy to get lost in it sometimes but then i’ll look back and see how much i’ve actually done throughout the year and it’s like?? wow i did actually do and achieve a lot? so perspective matters i guess ahah

FHKDSJFH okay but todobaku who’s who? i like writing from bakugou’s POV more which makes me think I can relate to him more (like i used to write from lance’s pov a lot! that, and just bc we both love keith a lot 🤪) but i do write from todoroki’s pov quite a bit too.. hm.

and yes!!! honestly if venti is actually coming back i should invest in getting him too.. he can do so much !! the only issue i have is that i don’t really like bow users bc i’m shit at aiming hfkdsjfhjsd. waiting for the day we can live out our xiaoven dreams <333 FKJSHFKJSD and please don’t give me money for that fhsdkfjs!! spend it on yourself instead 😩😩 but also real talk i wasn’t gonna say this bc i’m uber paranoid that somehow someone will read it and hack into my account FKHSFKSJD but i have like... 12k primogems rn AHAHAH so i’m feeling good about getting him! ty for the offer tho but seriously, let that go to your own genshin funds first if anything fhksjfds get yourself a c6 venti. yeah honestly me not really shipping anyone is a big reason why i haven’t read anything either lolll. like the art is good and i’m fine but i’m not invested enough to read fics about it yet fdshfkjs. yup it is! in case you haven’t found it yet, here! (i saw that the prologue alone was 74 pages and yeeted out of there hfdsjf)

yeah i think dreamworks ended up kinda unhappy with it all FKJFHKDSHFS but honestly with how they ended the show i feel like in their minds all ends were tied so the only option would be for a prequel? idk. and also bc i feel like movies from shows tend to do that ahaha. or omg a spinoff with completely new characters and maybe we only get mentions or cameos of the old ones hfkdsjf

yesss i’m so excited to at least get through the most popular ones!! still haven’t started howl’s moving castle yet tho lol. can’t wait to finally understand when everyone talks about these movies 😩

no i don’t know that post?? but omg.. 💕💕 also is this an appropriate time to ask what your pronouns are/how you like to be referred to FHSDKFHSD i’ve been using non-gendered language as much as i could bc idk what you prefer!

okay i might.. post a link to that doc in an ask sometime soon then or hm.... what if i continued working on it instead... many different options hfskjdfd

i mostly listen to kpop!! ahah in recent years i’ve really said fuck western media and fully immersed in the asian stuff.. but yeah my ults are bts but i really got into seventeen in 2020 and i love them so much... they’re all so funny btsvt collab when HFKSFJS. hbu??

*bernie voice* i am once again asking you to stop apologising >:( please these are genuinely the highlight of my day LOL i am always looking forward to your messages!! pls do not chill >:((((

yours, c.r. <3

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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butheresthething · 7 years

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Sometimes Life Chooses For Us

“Wyatt Earp wanted to be a farmer. 30 seconds in the OK Corral, and a gunslinger he was made. Sometimes, life chooses for us.” This line from the Wynonna Earp pilot, said by Doc to Wynonna, came roaring back to me this week because replace a few details about farming and the OK Corral and it might as well have been said about Wynonna. In those 24 words, Doc previewed one of the central themes of the series, the tension between fate and choice. Realizing that we don’t have as much choice as we thought and doing the best we can to navigate the decisions life forces on us. It’s a theme this entire season, really the entire series, has explored in different ways. We’ve seen Wynonna, much like her great great grandfather, thrust into a role she never asked for having to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders even if she can barely manage the weight of her own demons. But the other thing this show is about is what it actually means for her to be forced into the role of hero. Everything has consequences, this isn’t John Wayne riding off into the sunset unscathed at the end of the movie. Being the heir shapes who Wynonna is and she pays a price for every decision she is forced to make and every consequence of the curse that is beyond her control.

Episode 10, I See A Darkness, brought a lot of that back into focus. In quiet moments in between the rush to save Nicole, in subtle emotional beats played beautifully, as usual, by Melanie Scrofano, and ultimately in the crushing moment where Wynonna realizes that Waverly didn’t wait, we see the pressure that comes with being heir, whether it be the moral ambiguity she has to embrace to do what needs to be done or the weight of the endless onslaught of being the only one who can do it. Episode 10 reminds us that nothing about being the heir is fair or easy.

Wynonna has always had a darkness to her and an affinity for the violence that surrounds her. It’s a darkness that predates becoming the heir, but almost certainly has its origins in that fateful night when the seven took Willa and Wynonna shot Ward. But what’s relevant here less where it came from and more how she uses it. Throughout the series, we’ve seen Wynonna channel her rage and anger into a laser focused determination that can often be quite ruthless. In 2x10 this was on full display when she threatens Rosita and forces her to be the test subject for Jeremy’s anti-venom. Whether she actually had to threaten Rosita or not (she didn’t) is not really the point. There was no way for her to know that for sure. They needed a test subject strong enough withstand the cure and didn’t have a lot of time to find one. As disgusted as he was, even Jeremy acknowledged that there weren’t a whole lot of other options. And the thing is the people who surround Wynonna have the expectation that she will do what they can’t regardless of how difficult or emotionally taxing. No one is asking Jeremy to choose between possibly letting Nicole die or forcing Rosita to endure painful testing. Yes, he is the one who has to do the testing, and that’s not nothing, but he gets the luxury of not ultimately being the one responsible for the decision. Wynonna carries that burden. In another example from 2x10 Nicole asks Wynonna to end her life if things get bad. In truth, I loved seeing that moment of trust between Nicole and Wynonna, but it’s an incredibly difficult thing to ask Wynonna to do. Not only is Nicole asking Wynona to accept the emotional cost of ending the life of a friend, but she’s asking it as the only person Waverly loves as much as Wynonna. She’s asking Wynonna to bear the brunt of Waverly’s anger and grief because she’s the only one who can. That is what it means to be the special one, the one people depend on. Wynonna doesn't get to decide something is too hard, unfair or distasteful. With the fitting, but brief, exception of Doc in the season two premiere, there is no one who can take a turn shouldering the burdens of the heir. It’s practically written into the curse because she’s the only one who can even use Peacemaker. So Wynonna does the best she can with the hand she was dealt. She endures the cost of digging into her darker instincts to help her compartmentalize and push away emotional distractions until the crisis is averted.

I sometimes wonder if Wynonna’s darkness doesn’t scare Waverly a little. Whatever Waverly’s darkness is that keeps getting alluded to, we haven’t really seen it yet (Gooverly doesn’t count) and it’s one of the most striking contrasts between the sisters. I remember first noticing it in episode six of season one when Waverly and Wynonna are in the diner looking at the picture of the seven. Waverly says she hates the picture and is repulsed by it. But Wynonna says that she loves it because it reminds her why she’s needed. She is feeding off of all the ugliness it makes her feel to give her purpose and drive her forward. We see the contrast again in season 2 when Wynonna and Waverly are talking about finding everything that got into the ghost river triangle and killing it at the end of episode one. Waverly’s response is a simple, “sounds messy,” while Wynonna, with a hint of determination and swagger, says “braving the winter while hunting demons in an endless cycle of violence? Sounds fun” (I am also aware that this is a nod to the audience about to join Wynonna on this ride). Again one leans into the darkness the other is repulsed by it. To be sure, Waverly does her own compartmentalizing, but instead of ruthlessness or anger, usually when she does it she redirects her focus to helping others or making them feel better (For example I think her “that’s what she said” joke after getting her hand chopped off was as much to make Wynonna feel better as it was anything else). Perhaps most relevant to episode 10, Wynonna also says in the premiere that her only job is to keep her baby sister safe. Not even to protect her, which could more reasonably be interpreted by Waverly to include prioritizing Nicole. As with the seven Wynonna is zeroing in on a simple and single minded purpose to propel her to action. It’s easy to believe that Waverly wouldn’t fully trust Wynonna to use the Seals at least at leverage if all other options failed or there was no time left. We’ll never know for sure what Wynonna would have actually done. I personally think since she gave Peacemaker to Willa in season one to save Nicole, she would have made a similar decision if she had to in this situation, but I can understand Waverly not being willing to bet Nicole’s life on that.

There is no right way for Wynonna to navigate being the heir or to handle the extraordinary circumstances she finds herself in. She’s making the most of the tools she has. If using her rage and anger keeps her from getting pulled under then that’s what she needs to do. There is no judgment there. But but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences either. In interviews about 2x05 Melanie said a few times that in a way Goononna was who Wynonna might have been if not for the curse (you know, minus the evil and the rat smoothies). If not for the curse she would have had that lightness and fun about her that Goononna did. The tragedy of Goononna was getting a glimpse of what an unburdened Wynonna could have looked like. We’ve also certainly seen Wynonna reach her breaking point before, sometimes in healthy ways like leaning on Waverly for support at the end of 2x06 and other times in unhealthy ways, like binge drinking at the beginning of 1x09. But inevitably, before she knows it, the curse will demand more of her and Wynonna will use her strength to push past her own needs and save those she cares about from whatever is threatening them this time.

Through most of 2x10 Wynonna stays solidly in her “do what it takes to fix it “ mode. She doesn’t have time to be sad about her friend or be indecisive about moral ambiguity. But Mel lets us see beyond that, she brings us into the tension between Wynonna’s resolve to do what she needs to do and the wear and tear of doing it. Our first glimpse comes early in the episode in Mercedes’s hospital room where Wynonna talks to Mercedes, but really herself, about all the ways the Widows are kicking their asses. The guilt over what happened to Mercedes that had been there throughout the scene is joined by a look of exhaustion and a little exasperation. We see the losses weighing on her and that the energy it takes just to keep up is physically & emotionally draining. But before she can even take a breath she hears Waverly’s screams for help in the other room and the moment is over. We see that weight again in the already discussed interactions with Rosita & Nicole. It’s most clear with Nicole when Wynonna, realizing what Nicole is about to ask her, says “Nicole, please don’t ask me to do this,” and then the note of resignation on Mel’s face as she makes the promise to honor Nicole’s wishes. It was heartbreaking to watch Nicole plead with Wynonna to end her life, but it was equally difficult seeing Wynnona make that promise and accept responsibility for yet another no win situation. Even with Rosita, while her words never give her away, Mel’s face and body language tell a story of someone who doesn’t like what she has to do, who knows exactly how cruel she’s being and takes no pleasure in it. She confirms as much later with Doc when he says “but she sure can feel the pain” and her response is “they all can.” Her line implies that even though most of the revenants are evil and deserve their fate, each act of violence she’s responsible leaves a mark on her as well. Whether it was her choice to be the heir or not, she is responsible for the consequences of her actions, including the toll a life of violence takes on her own spirit.

All of this makes that final blow with Waverly that much more tragic and heartbreaking. Perhaps the saddest moment in the whole episode is Wynonna practically skipping down the hospital hall with the cure for Nicole. She thinks she finally has an unequivocal win. She beat Faux-cedes without having to give up the seal, no one died in the process, and she was able to keep her promise to her baby sister. But we know what’s coming, we know it’s all about to snatched away from her. Worse than that is it’s Waverly, Wynonna’s tether to the light and the person that keeps her grounded, who snatches it away. That it’s Waverly, of all people, that not only robbed Wynonna of her win, but enabled the curse to once again choose for her is utterly devastating. Remember, Wynonna was trying to take control of the curse and break the seal on her own terms. She thought she could come up with a plan to free herself and her family from the curse forever and without having to play by its rules. But Waverly took that from her. Took her chance to beat fate. I don’t really blame Waverly for what she did and as much as I like to think I’d have kept the faith and trusted Wynonna, I’m pretty sure I would have made the same decision. Waverly chose the certainty of Beth-faced Widow’s cure over the hope that Wynonna would be successful. It may have been the wrong decision, but it’s one I understand. But whether Waverly’s decision was reasonable or not doesn’t make the betrayal Wynonna feels any less potent. It doesn’t change the impact it’s going to have or mitigate the consequences for Wynonna. Wynonna will most certainly find her way to forgiving Waverly despite what Waverly might think. Their bond and need for each other are too strong for her not to. But right now, or at least up until she disappears, Wynonna has been betrayed by another sister (calm down, I’m not trying to suggest there’s actually any equivalence between Waverly and Willa, plus any one who’s talked to me about the show before knows just how much I love Waverly, so don’t @ me on this) and left to deal with the repercussions of the choice life made for her.

#wynonna earp #waverly earp

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shadygentlemenstudentposts-blog · 6 years

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The Greatest Guide To clip in veneers

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unabashedempath · 7 years

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Sexuality and Innocence

(Sexuality and Innocence)

There are times where I feel the best way to express how I feel is only interpreted through words that can’t be necessarily spoken or physically manifested. I feel that to be verbose is to be the most uncharacteristically honest and real-that to verbalize feelings through stream-of-consciousness thought is the truest expression of human expression and connectivity. This open letter/study is not for the faint of heart, and I honestly have no idea where to put this: should I post this for the world to see? Should I keep this buried inside my Google Docs somewhere in a folder where no one else but me has access to? Or should I paint these words all over my body where everyone else can see them, and then allow them to make attempts to persecute me or judge me based on their own perceptions? I have no clue.

The overwhelming sense of nostalgia I’ve felt while being at my Grandparents house this weekend is...well, exactly that...overwhelming. I remember how many times I came here and was shrouded in a sense of love, understanding, acceptance, and happiness. I have fond memories of watching children’s daytime shows with my younger sister, aimlessly imagining what life around me is about, and only really having a full understanding of how sitcoms and old T.V. shows in syndication taught me about how the world works. All in all, as a child, I dreamt of falling in love the way “Cory” and “Topanga” did, or perhaps having that perfectly imperfect group of friends the way “Rachel”, “Joey”, and “Ross” did, or living in a bubble where everyone treated each other with love and kindness the way the characters on “Sesame Street” did. At my Grandparents house, my view of innocence was formed and molded here...it became a place where I could run away to.

It also became the place where I first realized I had an anxiety issue.

I always became overly homesick here: there were times where I would only stay here a day or two, and I would be overjoyed at the thought that on the last day of that particular weekend, either my dad or my mom would spend the last night to come take me home. I was afraid because my Grandparents didn’t have an alarm system in their home like my parents did, and my mind became overloaded with paranoia:

“What if someone comes in in the middle of the night and steals everything?”

“What if there’s a new burglar on the rise?”

“I have to go home-my Grandparents should live with me… there’s something not right about not having an alarm system. Homes should be protected.”

I instantiated this belief without any evidence. And I’m not sure where this all came from. I would spend days trapped in the guest bedroom where I would sleep, or relentlessly cry for hours...the only solace I would have is being called down for dinner, or if my younger sister wanted to play with me for a few moments. And this would happen every time I stayed there. The homesickness and anxiety made me feel abnormal, and later on, I learned that my anxiety was a symptom of codependency, and a common trait of those who are hypersensitive to the world around them…. I also began to notice other patterns of anxiety in my life as I grew up. I would worry to worry then worry upon worry only to worry some more.

As I aged, and I as I grew older, staying at my Grandparents house was less scary. I realized that burglaries didn’t happen like that… and that me and my Grandparents were safe. I also realized that the life I had outside of their home was drastically different from the sitcoms I adored and admired. That I actually wanted to be here more than go away...

And that’s when I realized that I had lost my perceived innocence.

As a woman, losing your innocence is almost always attributed to losing your “virginity”, losing who you are in a “relationship”, or losing your identity in a “partner”. I’ve noticed these expressions coincide in talks or discussions about what my place in society is supposed to be, how I’m supposed to be good, and what makes a woman valuable and whole in the eyes of the world. In the power dynamics and sexual scripts we act out and claim are biologically inherited through birth, we exemplify these roles, process them, and then “gender” them. In reality, these assertions are not necessarily biological, in my opinion… I believe that these scripts are inherited through birth dynamics based on the spontaneity of “natural selection” (which we claim is strictly biological, but I’d like to argue that there is a sense of psychological aspect to Darwin’s theory). When associating this to people, we are born being who we are supposed to be… then, we as a culture create societal expectations and norms that people are supposed to adhere to.

If you think about it, the way I had lost my innocence had nothing to do with sex, but if you research ‘loss of innocence’ in most online search engines...most of the articles will discuss children and sexual development. Conversely, the psychosexual development of children is normal… children absorb and take in their stimuli… and if psychosexual development is normalized (i.e. learning about sexuality through T.V., people, their environment, themselves) then when is innocence truly lost, and why do we assume that in regards to women’s sexuality they are “innocent” until their first adult/mature sexual encounter?

My “innocence” was actually lost when I realized people took advantage of others, when I learned what racism was, when I heard about murder, when I found out that genocide was a thing (and still is a thing), when I learned about rape, when I found out about Red Lining and the systematic displacement of people based on socioeconomic status… and when I found out that burglars commit crimes and break into people’s homes…. When I found out that the world can be harsh and cruel….

As a bigger mental flip, I in turn learned that there is no actual innocence to be lost. Because no one is born pure and innocent in this world. It’s another concept… a part of the psychological “natural selection”.

I internalized this belief that I had lost my innocence… but it never existed. Instead of believing in “innocence”, I’d like to believe in wisdom and maturity.

I find it fascinating how this one concept of innocence played a part in how I portray myself in relationships with other people, and about what is correct in terms of expressing myself with other people. Growing up, I’d been told several times that I needed to never have sex…

“Only do it when married.”

“Waiting is better.”

“You don’t want to be a slut.”

While conversely, being told…

“You aren’t having sex?”

“No one will talk to you if you aren’t sexy…”

And I was told to value one version of myself over the other.

Then, I observed how people discussed sexuality and hypersexuality in two ways:

“The news media is talking about the hypersexuality of young girls and teen pregnancy rates….”

“I don’t like Beyonce… she objectifies herself.”

“I want to reclaim my sexuality through being carefree about sex…”

But then, seeing this:

“I’m anti-Islam because they hide their women… they oppress women because they aren’t allowed to show themselves…”

“Women should be modest… they need to cover up and keep their legs closed…”

And then, finally, this:

“I’ll sleep with (insert fetishizing statement about Black bodies) but I’ll never date them….” (There are countless other things I’ve heard, but then this ramble would never end.)

And with all of that beside me, replaying in my internal monologue, I think about how I project myself in the world. I’ve noticed that when I fully discuss my sexuality with a potential partner, or while I’m currently with a partner, they can only see me as one or the other… and it freaks them out that in their minds I’m “both”... “both” meaning I no longer let my sexual scripts oppress me, and that I also can be warm, rational, kind, and understanding.

I’m “innocent”.

The kind, rational, meek, warmth is from what I mentioned above as the psychological aspect of “natural selection”... these characteristics came from my external environment and how I interpreted them… when I saw sadness, I reacted to it-when I saw fear, I reacted to it-when I worried about something, I reacted to it. The reaction I chose was based on how I interpreted the world, and that became an interpretation of the world through a hypersensitive lens.

That is about me as a person, and while having all of that, I can be sexual, too.

When we discuss sexuality and the implications of gender… we should be discussing life experiences and the idea of maturity, like I stated before. You gain insight and maturity as you learn about the world around you… you don’t lose anything. And our sexualities are not connected to these ideations.

It bothered me that one type of person was validated more than another type of person, and I’ve internalized these assertions and projected them towards others and myself when I’ve talked about being infatuated with someone, while simultaneously being curled up in a baby blanket, watching a little kids movie about princesses or something deemed as “innocent”.

I’ve felt the need to walk a fine line as a woman between these two worlds:

“Am I being the right amount of innocent, and pure, and heavenly? Am I being the right amount of sexy, wanted, reckless, and desirable? Which type of woman am I supposed to be?”

I’m supposed to be a person of good moral character and standing who truly loves others. While “losing” innocence and receiving maturity, I learned that the way to combat the issues of the world and how to approach the fallibility of humanity is to have a good heart.

And the goodness of people comes with the bad, and while trying to grapple the meaning behind “the fall of man” (even if you are non-religious or religious, the idea behind this concept is the same… mankind is flawed) When you can own that and realize that our lives contain these weird road maps without any real sense of direction, and that we adapt to our environment and our stimuli in the best ways we can… and when you can do this and attempt to not want/try to hurt others in your path… that is more important when becoming a fully-realized person than what others attribute to you….

So, concluding, I’ve ended my trip to my Grandparents house realizing that while I have a quick nostalgic refuge being here, it was also the place where I matured as a person. Where I learned how to be a human more than being a woman...and to not have shame about any of the lessons I’ve learned along the way.

#empath #feminism #womanism #sexism #purity #misogyny #misogynoir #mental health #rant

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