#i cant live another day without this

[buttfrovski]

I JUST PISSED MY PANTS A LIL

#i cant live another day without this #i need it #now #or i will die #the sand is falling my time is running out #south park #butters stotch

[crazy-fangirl2524]

No you guys don’t understand. Neil was playing as a way to try to live and how he wants to try actually living instead of surviving. Winning against the ravens doesn’t matter to Neil, winning against his father does. But the books don’t end with Baltimore. It ends with the raven game. But this game means more to Kevin than it can ever to any other characters. All for the game. Neil can survive without exy. He can run away and start a new life. But kevin day does not have anything else. This entire series is for kevin day

#yes yes ofc ik Neil also cant survive without Exy it’s his way to live BUT technically he can still run away (after trk ofc he cant hes in t #too deep but if you think about it this entire series starts and ends because of Kevin day #Neil josten May be the protagonist and Andrew minyard May be the love interest but Kevin day is the whole point the center of this entire se #series #this series wouldn’t have even happened without Kevin day if another team seeks out neil josten he wouldn’t have joined he only joined for k #Kevin and the series ended with neil bargaining for everyone’s lives including Kevin #Kevin is actually the main character #if you think about it the series could have make sense with Kevin day as the protagonist too #I’m so deeplg ingrained in aftg sm I just urgh I just I love them so much #this reread might take longer than I thought because of how much I’m stopping to analyse everything and post about it lmao #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #aftg series #andrew minyard #aftg fandom #neil josten #andrew joseph minyard #aftg incorrect quotes #aftg reread #aftg trilogy #aftg kevin #kevin day #aftg neil #aftg andrew #aftg andreil #tfc incorrect quotes #incorrect aftg #incorrect aftg quotes

[lonelyquail]

ok so while my ds is getting sand poured into it at alarming rates I'm thinking about how jrpgs in specific have a really weird desync with How Important Death Is. like some address it better than others but it very frequently happens where if you take a step back youll go "am I wild or is everybody just like, Really down with murder in this game". and consequences for said murder, especially in a characterization sense but even just actual physical consequences, don't really happen? unless it's a vehicle for conflict but like. when it is a vehicle for conflict it feels weird because why are These Guys actually taking the fact we killed somebody in broad daylight seriously and coming after us for it while all the other npcs and even the main party took it like it was another saturday evening

see I Think where the issue lies is in the fact that everything is in its own little world when you're in a battle? like. when you fight an enemy and you get leather out of it it's seen as something the enemy Drops and not. their hide. when you defeat a character in a battle it does just feel like you Defeated them. unless there's dialogue afterwards that says otherwise you don't even mentally assume you killed em you just wounded them enough to make them flee or dissolve or whatever. and it's Weird to just. have that assumption there because for a lot of games it really isn't clear if you're killing them or defeating them !!

that last point is extra important when you have the specific brand of Skittish Hero / Noble Hero Who Doesn't Kill People / Rational Hero In Way Over Their Head or whatever where you really don't think they Would kill a guy just to get them out of the way. in that case it's REALLY weird because it's hardly brought up. even if it Is brought up that that guy Sure Did Die the mc doesn't tend to actually have a reaction ??? and I don't know why this is ???? like Any written reaction would be more interesting than nothing even if the guy doesn't have a full on crisis about taking another life having them go "oh shit, The Consequences" would be nice. really anything except (oh cool we can advance the plot now).

I will also mention that Some deaths do matter plot wise but very frequently what makes them matter is how much of it is linked to an in game battle I think. if your mc just finishes a fight and comes back to the overworld and the guy's Disappeared or Dissolved or whatever it means they don't matter. if the guy's still around after the fight it means it's more significant, especially if they're still alive but wounded or Really Shaken Up. because this clears up the indistinguishable line between if a battle is lethal or not and if a character decides to deal a finishing blow now it's Way more telling of their character. even though this is basically the same thing that happened in the (killed In A Battle) scenario. just with more dialogue. I will also mention that the person who deals the finishing blow is Rarely Ever that good hearted protagonist and often they'll even go :0 at somebody else committing a murder despite them instigating and helping murder quite a few people. just. In Battle. so it's less bad. I guess.

this is leaving out the fact that in party deaths are often a Major Major Blow because like. ok that's fair. that's A Guy You Knew that's understandable. anyway I don't really know where I'm going with this I just think it's interesting how in these types of games death can swap from not mattering at all to mattering a Lot and if u don't think about it too hard u don't even question it. I'll probably be putting some examples in the tags idk

#i will note that in this specific instance most of my party Is actually super down with murder like vocally #so its less weird but it Is weird that the mc does. Not Seem The Type. #i mean not to say he should have tried to spare everybody i think its kinda neat that he doesnt but #if the fact that he doesnt was brought up at all thatd be interesting. have him acknowledge he killed a dude #but no hes just kind of standing there like (ok what next) no leaning one way or another #these would all be interesting reactions if they were actually Brought Up in dialogue but no its just. oversight #anyway this is about sand but ive also felt this about live a live and even bits of twewy #like specifically in lal the fact that the edo chapter Exists and killing people is just Battling Them made me look at Every Other Chapter #thru a lens of (okay am. am i killing these dudes.) and the answer is I DUNNO #like the guy exploded into a cloud of mist theres no way hes Not dead but its STRANGE #this felt most noticeable in the imperial china and present day chapters because they had mcs who decidedly did not feel down with murder #specifically present day because masaru is fighting this guy for the crime of killing a guys. and woa. he killed a guys. with his Hands #i think theres only a handful of deaths in lal that actually mean anything and you can tell which they are because they dont explode #like in You Know The Part with The Character I Cant Say that guys i think the only time defeating an enemy Leaves A Corpse #ok actually thats a lie the Other Guy I Cant Say in The Chapter Before That also died like that and that was equally important #s also worth mentioning that said first guy can ? also die without leaving a corpse? just turn to ash?? #depending on where u go with him. which is weird right. thats weird right. #maybe that just means (hey youre not supposed to feel bad about him dying this tiiiime) #anyway its 5 am ill post this in the morning #vee shut up

[mechawolfie]

someone took ONE of my cookies.

#smudgy.txt #its nothing but also taking into consideration #we got two packs of cookies both nearly gone in the day they were gotten #because my mother and the 2 children shes training to ruin their own lives like she does hers #will stuff as many sweets as they can get in their faces without immediately getting sick #so freaking jumbo bags. hell one whole and a half. of candy. will be gone in a DAY #before i even know they were bought #so i had saved. 4 of each on a plate. foil on top. w my burger #n i took a few of one of them. didnt touch the other bc its my favorite kind #wanted to save them #i did notice someone peaked in there bc the foil was disturbed before id even got up #this morning #and i just. sighhh. #i cant say anything bc ive already got a strike against me for bothering to #speak up abt mother insisting on gettnig pets she herself wont take care of #and another strike for fucking being alive i guess #so. biting my tongue. whateverrrr. im gonna game

[pisstheon]

x

#another day another really weird dream #at first i dreamt i was watching a movie or a video game gameplay #where the main character was a woman who lived with her husband and two kids in the middle of nowhere #in like a house on the mountains #and one day two alien thingies like take ahold of the house but without her knowing #the husband knows tho amd hes trying to keep cool and give in to their request #and then we find out they approach her and give her the same 'rules' other wise they'd hurt her family #and like theyd drink blood and take samples from her family while she watches but she cant make a sound #she has to pretend everything is fine or they'll kill everybody #in the end the husband finds her #covered in blood with the two aliens dead and with their brains removed and eaten #but we dont kmow what happened. so then the dream changes #and its actually me with my family and im the main character #same stuff happens to me. but they're not really aliens theyre two men with weird powers #one night they give me a final trial. i have to hide from one of them until 5 am or they'll kill me and keep the game going with my family #i manage to hide and run for the whole night and they say i passed a test and me and my family are free #and the two men have become my subordinates and they must do everything i say #so i called the cops on them lmao. but then changed my mind and killed them before the cops came #and the cops were like ah. oh well. cleaned the house and left lol #and then i woke up

[quarterprioritymidnight]

What bas song do you want to hear live that you haven’t already?

i missed all the doom days tours, so basically anything from that album, but there are also a couple of extended edition tracks like i wish sleepsong had made it on to the bbx setlist. comfort of strangers and real life are also two that id love to hear live, but i fear they are pipe dreams 😭

#ask #anon #i cant look at the doom days club nights setlist without wanting to kms #divide??? another place???? admit defeat???? #every day i regret not going to that tour #tbh i didnt think id ever hear million pieces live but there we go #im being so dramatic ive literally heard half that album live lol

[natandacat]

btw im feeling a lot today bc my neighbor is having a bbq and i really wanna go but i had to lie and say i was working bc everyone there is a hardcore party goer and theres too many covid cases rn so even in an outdoor setting i would need to mask and that crowd would be super weirded out by my n95 and also it would suck bc i wouldnt even be able to eat. anyway. being at risk is like living in purgatory while 99% of the population literally doesnt care.

#I WANNA DO DRUG WITH MY NEIGHBOR AND INSTEAD I HAVE LONG COVID #i think the universe is spitting on me #the levels of restraint i need to have to remind myself that its not worth it #i kinda have to keep thinking about the infection and the bad relapses #even though its super traumatizing lol #bc if i dont force myself to remember i would just go bar crawling like tonight ngl #but then i remember being too weak to moan #and how terrifying those hours were #i remember the days where ive been too weak to move in my bed too weak to breathe without effort #and it kinda kills the urge lol #but it sucks!!! that i have to think about this all the time!! #i wanna forget those horrible times fr but the pandemic is ongoing #the mental fortitude i need to survive this fr. #just bitching #medical cw #i live alone rn i cant have a big PEM im not doing another survival week unable to feed or clean myself #im NOT lol #last year was harrowing and this time around i am more prepared and i WILL not end up at the bottom of the hole again #sorry i need to give myself this pep talk bc i hear the music outside and fuck i wanna drink and smoke weed 😔😔😔😔😔😔

[orcelito]

Tally's just a liiiiittle bit fed up with my clinginess today

Can't help it tho. She's my baby.

#speculation nation #and i spent an hour in a panic spiral over her and then 5 more hours compartmentalizing and Not Thinking About It #she's fine though. just got a little sick this morning but she seems to be feeling better. #probably just ate smth she wasnt supposed to. it happens. #but ykno. i hesitate to throw around the word 'trauma' willy-nilly. considering it has a lot of weight to it. #but i really do think ive got some trauma due to the cat deaths. #how else would i explain me having a whole panic spiral over tally just throwing up? #it almost makes me wonder whether i should bother with more cats after them. but i know i couldnt live without them. #ive spent all but 3 years of my entire life living with cats. i cant live without them. #but after some untimely ends i am just... so fucking afraid. #tally's about 3 years old now. she should have plenty of life left to live. #but cassy wasnt even 2 years old. and look how that turned out. #i got young cats purposefully bc i didnt want to have to say goodbye to them for a While. and then i had to anyways. #and im always so fucking anxious that im going to have to again. constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop #so when Anything happens i end up a total mess no matter how minor it is... #im sick of it. im so sick of the uncertainty. sick of being scared ill wake up one day to another cat dying. #and theres not really any way to make it better. days and weeks and months and hopefully years #just spent waiting for the other shoe to drop. #i just hope it wont come for a while still. so i can have at least a few years of peace. #animal death ment/ #negative/ #sorry for the vent etc etc im just. i wish i could bundle them up and keep them in my life forever. #but it doesnt work that way unfortunately. lifetime disparity really is so awful.

[sanstropfremir]

....I have to ask..... what do you think about gidle song nude? The Marilyn Monroe inspiration was definitely there along with that jazz age sound in a way?? But man... I'm not sure what to think of it. Bc I can see what they're going for. The different shades of blonde remind me of red velvet ice cream cake era. I can see the message maybe about embracing sexuality? Something that exid would do in terms of messaging but way more obvious. Idk. It feels like soye*n is trying to make impactful songs which chart wise and album sale wise she does but it doesn't ever hit for me.

i wish gidle would actually do something that was worth the 'hype' that they get. i don't like the song but i've never liked a song from them so. the mv........it's complicated. there are actually a lot of good connections and ideas happening there, but the problem is that they just don't DO anything with them. like 90% of the mv is references to different types of 'scandalous' media or cultural touchstones, and from which ones they've chosen i can see that they're trying to make some kind of comment on the judgement and policing women's bodies and sexuality, but they don't really follow that through to anything meaningful. they themselves don't actually do anything scandalous, which, in my instincts, would be the logical conclusion in my brain. they just make references and call it a day.

the base format for the whole thing is vaudeville, which is pretty much the ancestor of burlesque and stripping; the opening moment with the pink velvet dress is just a knockoff version of marilyn's diamonds are a girl's best friend number from gentlmen prefer blondes; the cone bra is obvs a madonna reference; the cartoon is jessica rabbit from who framed roger rabbit; the book she's reading is (i'm assuming) walt whitman's leaves of grass; obvs also the marilyn white dress moment; also inexplicably there's a banksy reference too with the shredding frame. which was a scandal, but it's not at all related to gender or sexuality so i have no idea why it was included, unless they're trying to make the conflation between the female body and art as a bought and sold commodity, which.................well. there's better ways to handle that that make more logical sense. like clearly there was a creative team that had relatively lofty ideas, but you have to do something with those ideas. and they kind of set themselves up for failure in this instance, because they were clearly trying to make some sort of intentional statement (basically it wasn't just a spectacle piece), but you can't just reference a bunch of media and call it a day. you have to synthesize something new out of those references. that's the difference between why something like 2 baddies works and why this doesn't; 2 baddies makes something new from a ton of source material (literally in the case of the custom porsche too). it also isn't trying to be deeper than it is, yea it's based in a bunch of weird niche research but the mv isn't expecting you to know about the history of car manufacturing or art deco in order to appreciate the neon vomit chaos. it's there in order to give the visuals an underpinning logic. but if you don't know any of the references in the nxde mv, the theme means literally nothing. it's incomprehensible. they literally have to name some of the references at the end of the mv so people get it. and that's a cheap shortcut, instead of actually doing the work to make something that has artistic merit on its own.

#gidle w #kpop questions #like a lot of this mv explicitly hinges around jessica rabbit's ''im not bad im just drawn that way'' #but do you think a single kpoppie has seen who framed roger rabbit. or even knows who she is on sight? #tbh i think it's even a reach to expect ppl to know that scene from gentlemen prefer blondes at this point #idk like i guess its possible that they accidentally stumbled into the same themes since jessica is meant to be the same type of comment #but idk. i dont think they were smart enough to get there #and the animated/live action combo is like way too specific of a detail. esp with the style #also? extremely weird and racist to associate being blonde and pale with being 'nude' #and i'm not gonna bring up the chanel styling but there's another scandal reference if you want one #text #answers #like if they truly wanted to make the art/body connection what they SHOULD have done was referenced the marilyn warhol prints #not banksy. also who the fuck cares about banksy these days #like i hadnt heard that name in like five years at this point #like there's a ton of postmodern art references you can make here to talk about art market manipulation etc etc #like you cant just kind of vaguely gesture at the whole women/art thing without unpacking #bc it BOLD to make the inference that a certain type of person is bought and sold as a commodity????????? hello???????????? #anyways gidle made a thing i didnt like again. big surprise

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

#i still have to complain about work so sorry besties #so the owners (its a small business a couple owns) live in another state #so they come back here every once in a while and visit all the locations while they're here #since they cant be here in person otherwise #they were supposed to visit my store over the weekend. great for me bc i dont work weekends #they didn't come. manager said they're still in town for 'a few more days' #i dont know what that means! i work today and tomorrow 9-5 but the store is open till 7 #are they still gonna be here Wednesday???? so i could miss them??? are they gonna come after 5??? #or by 'a few more days' does he mean they're leaving tomorrow so they're coming today???? WHEN???? #lets hope they come either after 5 or after tomorrow. omg. #ALSO #my ingredients still aren't here 😐 #i finally told the manager. hes not mad at me but like. i barely have anything to do without these things #he called. and someone said smth about when i put them on the order log i didn't add the date #which im 98% sure is not true. there was one little mix up where the dates could've been deleted but idk #apparently its been ordered now..... when its coming...... idk!!!!! #but i loooooovvveeee how they tried to make it my fault i love that #i think the manager isnt mad. he said hed tell the owners it wasn't my fault if they say anything. #but still!!!!!! AAHJHHH #also. he 'reminded' me AGAIN to greet customers #and ive been telling myself id say smth about my anxiety if he brought it up again #but i had already used up so much anxiety and energy talking about the ingredients :( #so i still didn't say anything #i have stuff to keep me occupied today. maybe some of tomorrow #but if my ingredients dont come in tomorrow idk what else to do #i can make some things that haven't been ordered which im not supposed to do #i can clean. but ive cleaned this bakery SO MUCH over the last few weeks i really dont know what else to do lol #im sure someone would say its still dirty #but theres only so much i can do like!!!!!! #im gonna eat lunch now lol everythings fine everythings FINE!!!

[gothamcityneedsme]

did the unthinkable..... Joined a reddit discord

#Shitpost #i literally cant live without being able to look at the new arkham memes #Arkham quotes and Man memes and 'am i stupid' memes #i just. Theyre on another level. I need ocne a day to scroll for 5 minutes for my mental stability #and now i need to be in a discord for that.

[timegears-moved]

.

#dl #upset at my mom kinda day #still thinking about what happened yesterday #it's not even that she's unhappy with my relationship that bothers me so much (though it does play a part) because i know she knows that #she'll just have to put up with it and accept it #it's the fact that she refuses to treat me like an adult that can make my own decisions #i have to constantly fight her on this #my godmothers and other friends agree that she needs to dial it back but she doesn't and my stepdad only enables her #i know i complained about him recently but im honestly glad that my dad doesn't get that involved with my life and lets me breathe #and for my mom i think it's like a mixture of autistic infantilization (which i have called her out on before) and a reaction to trauma #the latter of which i get why she's doing it but it's not fair for her to take her issues and insecurities out on me #honestly i do feel fine living here but everytime this stupid shit comes up between us i wanna move far away because she makes me #feel claustrophobic with my entire life #i cant get another cat unless she says so even if my landlord approves. i can't use my money in ways she disapproves of. #i can't live at this place or do this thing or wear these clothes without her judgement #i was scared to get my tattoo last month not because of the tattooing process but because of what she would say #i have no fucking agency and she wonders why i never tell her shit #it's because i need to do everything behind her back to be happy and even then i feel guilty about it #idk how many times i have to argue with her on this before she fucking gets it

[yatiso]

i really shouldn’t be so regularly upset that its always so slow at work bc it gives me down time i guess but. im such an adhd freak i NEED to move and then on top of it. i NEED to smoke and i dont take smoke breaks and would probably get shit on hard if i asked for one. but its so hard to sit in a chair doing nothing for hours on end

#🍒 #another reason the 4 hour workday should be implemented #when im sitting on my ass all day at work doing fucking nothing and then i get home and have no time to clean. or do my own work. or anythin #thats a huge fucking problem and it was a problem even when i was taking my adderall #like. youre asking me to hand over a huge chunk of my life. to sit on my ass all day. and then not be able to get much done for myself. kys #this job is scheduled so that its impossible for me to get used to it #im such a consecutive days off every week girl i cant fucking function without it #next week i have the weekend off but. i cant live like this anymore man its not worth a music store job #but idk what else id do. theres nothing that gives me this kindve money and time and energy after work to practice and be a person #sighs

[unimportant-ramblings]

Being any kind of disabled really is just facing a thousand kinds of indignities and being expected to be gracious about it all the time forever

#like. okay. #my dr was on vacay. fine i talk to a resident he's super nice he says i can refill my prescriptions closer to when i need them over the ☎️ #call my dr about getting a refill. she wont do that without an appointment. I'm like ill make an appointment can it be over the phone. #no she doesnt like that :) well i don't super care if she doesn't like that. i dont get days off #and my august is going to be hell actually :) so can she make an exception or can i talk to another dr at the clinic? no lmao #your appointment is more than a month away and that means you have to try to persuade the pharmacist to give you some to tide you over #they can only do one so you have to prioritize the more important meds. #now luckily with this particular pharmacist i have an 8 year long relationship she knows me so all i have to do is make small talk #but i still have to beg for some medication that i have to pay for out of pocket because my insurance doesnt cover outside of prescriptions #and imagine if she didn't already like me. ya know? #chronic illness #you have to be like yeah this manages the pain (reader it merely knocks me out cold so i cant feel anything) #and i cant stress enough 1) how lucky i am to be living somewhere with good health care and to be not totally disabled and having a #fairly good support system like this could be much worse #but 2) this is just one incident that im having a moment about #this is little things everyday

[woosansang]

.

#jazzy talks #delete later #hahahhahha who would have thought that avoiding going to a therapist for years would suddenly make it #extrmeley difficult for you to go back to a therapst hey #how does one even do therapy i dont remember #like hi hello nice to meet you i dont even know whats wrong with me half the time but sometimes i go mute and i think i have autism and #and ive been having a gender crisis for about three years also i want to date girls but dont want to talk to people #and i dont know if i actually had a crush on someone who lives on the other side of the world of if im just that lonely that ill make up #feelings but also every day that goes by when i dont speak to them i feel strange like not sad but i just want to talk to them #or anyone but also i dont want to talk to anyone lol how does tjat work #and i sort of hate my job but i sort of love it sometimes and im way too scared of change to move schools but i dont think #i can survive another year and a half at this school #also someone i havent seen in a few years told me yesterday that i look like ive lost weight which i have #but i drink like an australian and ive started snacking constantly again and i know that's going to reserve everything i worked so hard for #and i am self aware enough to know this yet i cant seem to stop lol #im moving out with my sister and her bf in a few months and idk if thats just going to make me realise even more how lonely i am #with my three and a half irl friends who never make the time to see me #who all tapped out of my birthday party bc they were tired or busy or whatever #when my sister and her bf want to do things without me i feel sad except thafs their relationship not mine #so instead i live on tumblr and photoshop and do badically nothing else for days in a row until the two of them want to do smth with me #im not improving in one of my dance classes and want to drop out of that class #and the dance class i teach is horible sometimes and also makes me want to stop taking them #i work at least an extra working day every single week if not more which is basivally seven days a week #and i want to use my money to travel and do things but the idea of taking that much time off work makes me feel #almost as anxious as actually going to work every day #i want to call my friends but i cant #i want to text my mutuals but i cant #i want to go to sleep but i cant stop thinking about whats going to happen tomorrow #where does the part come where you actually start living instead of just getting through the day bc its been like this for too many years #and i am just tired of it. i am so tired of it yet im going to do exactly nothing to fix it. sigh.

[dungeonpuppykai]

.

#something unfortunate happening to you is one thing #but then having to deal with insolence and as though you're in the wrong is another #god #sometimes ignorance is bliss #since you cant change people #i have had the shittiest day #and i lowkey just want to leave #but i need this creative outlet #i cant live without writing my ideas #or i would have just left #but then again why should i leave because someone else is indecent