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#i didnt mean to go with the pan colors but the colors i choosed at first were very similar lol
dissentersbedamned · 2 months
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uuummm little limited color pallet thingy
art commissions
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wait so not aggressive or trying to start a full blown debate here but in regards to your last post, what is an mspec lesbian? i've also heard the term thrown around in twitter discourse and the like but still have no clue wtf it is if you could explain in like,, very simplified terms i'd really appreciate that
ofc anon ! always happy to help
this post is usually my go to for definitions, resources, exclu talking points, and history but ill try to expand a bit on those definitions here with my own experiences to help along and make it more understandable
(its gonna be a long post though sorry, its kinda hard to make it short while also making it as understandable as possible !)
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oh and quick note : mspec stands for multi attraction spectrum aka labels like bi, pan, omni, etc. NOT for male spectrum
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Split attraction
Yk how ace ppl arent always aro ? Thats called split attraction, and its not just an ace thing. Some ppl are for example homoromantic bisexual or panromantic homosexual and might call themselves mspec lesbians. Personally, im romantically attracted to all genders but sexually attracted to only women !
Mspec lesbian is easier, quicker, and more comfortable to say than the whole "mspecromantic homosexual". Plus barely anyone calls themself a homosexual anymore unless its a joke or theyre a "homosexual female" terf which is,,, yuck
Huge preference towards women
Some ppl like multiple genders but their attraction towards men is so rare that theyre functionally a lesbian
The only time i was ever attracted to a man (in a non comphet way) was a purely romantic crush at 14
I dont want to completely ignore that side of me, bc i Am mspec and i do have the potential to be attracted to all genders, but at the end of the day, my attraction to women is much more frequent and important to me
Calling myself a lesbian just makes sense to me. It communicates what i want it to which is "i like women"
Im not sure ill ever like a man again, so calling myself just mspec feels a bit strange to say the least nor does it communicate what i want
Calling myself both mspec And a lesbian is like saying "i like women !! ,,,and maybe more" which is the most accurate and true to myself
Liking multiple genders that dont include men / Liking women and nonbis
"But nonbis are included in lesbianism !!" and youd be right to say that ! However, not all nonbis are comfortable being put under the lesbian label
Also, lots of ppl seem to define lesbianism as "attraction to women and nonmen" which is,,, not a great definition and just creates a new binary
Nonbis come in a million different flavors and not all of them fit in the "non men" category. What abt transmascs, genderfluid ppl who are sometimes men, and mutligender ppl who are part men ? Are they included in lesbianism ? If not, what do you call someone whos attracted to women and all nonbis but not binary men ?
For a lot of people, the answer to those questions is mspec lesbianism
Reclamation of historical definition
Lesbian didnt always mean exclusive attraction to women. It was used a lot more like sapphic is today. However, this changed with the rise of political lesbianism and lesbian seperatism
Political lesbianism is a political theory that was spearheaded by cis white lesbian terfs in the 60s and 70s, such as Sheila Jeffreys. Its the idea that sexuality is a choice, and that women should choose to be lesbians to free themselves from the patriarchy. It considered lesbians to be ideologically superior to wlm
Lesbian seperatism is a severe form of political lesbiansnism, and is the idea that women should have little to no contact with men at all
This hurt a lot of ppl including mspec women (for liking men), trans women (for being amab) and woc (for working with men of color towards liberation)
It was gross all around and mspecs were pushed out of their own communities. After all that and stonewall, we started getting more bi exlusive groups and orgs which is really wonderful ! Still, some ppl werent too happy and chose to call themselves lesbians or bi lesbians regardless
The trend of reclamation has been ongoing since then and theres tons of historical examples
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theres some other definitions like fluid attraction and questioning between mspec and lesbian but i think those cover the main ones !
if you have any questions, or would like me to clear anything up dont hesitate to ask :]
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sainadazai · 3 years
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When your crush is angry all the time
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Ch.4
I wanna be an intern too, you ragedy ann looking ass hoe 😠
Y/n pov
°•○●○•°•○●○•°
All goes well when you are ignorant is what my dear best friend would say to me now, as I sit in the very back of the class unfocused on how our teacher is introducing an activity I have no chance of participating in. All I knew was that when Mr. Aizawa walked up to the board and wrote names of people getting offers, I wasn't one of them. Not that I expected to be, considering I wasn't in the sports festival, let alone the school at all back then. 
However, I did notice a small inconsistency in the order of the most offers. I was pretty sure that boom boom had gotten first place in the festival, him being there is what convinced me to transfer, but his name was actually second on the board. 
Todoroki had taken the place of first as far as offers were concerned. Todoroki the nice boy who I used to meet when I snuck away from my fucking prison cell. Call me privileged for complaining about living in a mansion All my life, but I much prefer being here. With common folk. They ground me. 
I peeked up from my phone at the red and white head of hair in front of me, he didn't seem all that fazed. Although maybe it was just the lack of seeing his face that made me believe he couldn't care less about all but one of those offers. Still, his business is his, and my business is the new Ao3 update on my favorite chrollo lucilfer fanfiction. What a babe. 
I decided that the class as of right now would be of no importance to me, considering I will have no offers, and bakugou-the reason I came here- hates me like I'm a piece of gum stuck under his shoe.  Through that conclusion I allowed myself to dissolve into the world of hxh and forget about how boring this world is. 
Could my power beat Killua or go in a fight? I mean, it doesn't enhance my strength like they did trying to get into Killua's house so physically they must be stronger. 
"Y/n! Is there something you would like to share with the class?"
Mr.Aizawas voice seemed almost shot at me as my gaze rose from my phone in my lap to meet him at the front of the room. He looked displeased to say the least. Well good for him, im displeased too, I might not be able to beat a fucking twelve year old in combat. 
"Huh?"
"You were grumbling, what's so important you had to tell us, hm?"
I thought it through for a second- just kidding, I never think anything through. 
"Oh, well I wasn't sure if I could beat Gon in a fight, but I'm not coming to the realization that if Chrollo is my boyfriend, I shouldn't have to fight anyone at all. I can just be a pretty face in the backgrounds and then after he wins for me i'll suck his-"
"Enough, y/n." Mr.Aizawa no longer held a tired looking face, his eyes were wide and an uncomfortable cringed was set on his face. As I peered at the rest of the class many also had shocked eyes, but unlike our teacher, held faint blushes. 
Minus midoriya, his face was completely red and his eyes void of life. I must've killed him, huh. 
"Wait!"
In an attempt to regain some dignity, I tried to correct myself.
"I would....not suck his-?"
"Don't even say it, shitty princess !"
"Woah bakugou, you spoke to me on purpose!?"
"Shut up!"
"Hey, how come you call me princess, you like me or something?"
He growled at that, neither of us paying mind to the fact that everyone in the class was either dead from nosebleeds or extremely uncomfortable and staring at us.  
"Its cuz you act fucking entitled like a princess"
"I'll be your pillow princes-"
"Enough!" A robotic-like hand sliced the air in front of me. The voice sounded firm, almost more teacher-like than our teacher's voice. I followed my gaze up the hand, not failing to notice how as I drew up the guy's arm his muscles only seemed to get bigger and bigger and- iida? 
"Oh class rep-"
"Y/n this vulgar language and border-line harassment needs to cease immediately. I will not tolerante overtly sexual language and acts in this class-"
As he was speaking I noticed something ironic about the situation. If everyone here didn't like sexual jokes or banter, how were they so flustered at comments that objectively should be unknown to them. 
"How did you know what I meant, iida?" I rasped in a low sultry voice, allowing my fingers to dance up his arm starting at the wrist in front of my face. 
I heard a few chuckles from, who I would say are the only two people enjoying this situation: kaminari and...stinky mineta. Iida's face grew more red than previously and the arms in front of me began shaking. 
"Mr.Aizawa it seems I've disarmed the robot. Is there a restart button or something?" I question with a serious face using the search as an excuse to wonder my eyes all over his body. Perverted? Yes. Rightfully attracted to this giant hunk of a nerd. Yes ×10. 
"No, there is not." Todoroki, who was in front of me, finally turned around to address me. I guess he was unfazed by my words. Looks like someone here can be cool. Whether he is okay because he is more comfortable with sexual jokes, or because he has yet to pick up on them, its nice that somebody in here can still function. Otherwise, I'd feel like a nuisance. 
"Y/n I'm not really sure how to- let's just say to have detention with your m- midnight. Detention. Yeah." Aizawa publicly convinced himself of my punishment? 
"Okay"
"Now, back to this, even if you didn't get any offers ALL of you will have an internship" 
And so went on the class, kids chose their hero names, not me though. I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a hero at all, this was just a little less boring and sad than the way I lived before. This school had people who laughed in joy, not just to mask the pain. That was the real benefit, not being a hero, or being strong. Likely no one here realized that there were many places where none of this joy was possible. 
Some of the kids in class gave me suggestions for a hero name, but I didn't like them anyway. They lacked personality, and while I have many adjectives to describe my personality, my life, none of them are all that heroic. 
"Dark element"
"Girl who will die if her quirk doesnt like its environment" 
See, I'm not the best at this. Even bakugan names had some sense to it...well no. I'd say we're about the same, but still. Ugh. 
~timeskip~ 
Bakugou pov 😠
She came up with no hero names. Fucking entitled brat. Everyone at this lunch table seems to have no problem with the fact that she is here, just happy to have another pair of tits to stare at like perverts. Their gross. I bet she doesn't even want to be a hero, she sure as hell doesn't act like it. We don't even know what her whole quirk is. Ive seen her do that plant shit a couple times, fucking with flowers or whatever. Still, there's more to it. Something we don't know, at least. Cuz in the middle of class she gets up and whispers to Aizawa and he just lets her go. Where the fuck does she go? 
Interrupts class, got into the school because her moms a teacher, won't use her quirk. What a nuisance, I can't believe she is not expelled yet. Plus those bullshit sex jokes are so shitty. She is obviously faking something when she does them. Not like midnight, who always at least seems like she means that gross shit. 
"Hey, who did you guys choose for your internship? I haven't chosen yet."
"The number three hero guy," I spoke, knowing I'm the only person here who already chose. 
"Really? Best jeanist! That's so cool, but are you sure that for you bakugou?" Shitty hair raised a shitty brow at me. 
"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"
"Just that he seems pretty...uptight..for you?" Dunceface added, but he spoke like it was a question. Of course he is the hero for me, he is the highest ranting hero on my list. If I wanna be number one, I gotta train with the best. 
If I go to his agency I'm sure there will be a lot more action, since he is so high ranking. Then i'll get some real experience kicking villain ass, well, other than the USJ. 
"Of course he is the right option!"
"Woahhh~"
Shit. It's her voice. I honestly should applaud her for using it less often around me but, how can one small girl be so goddamn annoying. I don't even know what she has to say and I already wish she would just put a sock in it. How can someone so entitled like her, probably never had to lift a finger, walk  over here and talk like she has something to say. 
"You're working with the best jeanist! So cool, one time he saved me from a group of rapist guys, it was awesome with all these strings everywhere and I could only see half of his face. Oh and he had goofy hair too!"
Oh. I didn't really know how to respond to the girl who looked so excited about almost being violated. Another thing wrong with her? I looked back at the other people at the table to see if they knew how to respond to something like that. 
Dunceface was frozen, tape arms were frozen, shitty hair was frozen, and alíen eyes were looking like a lost puppy and trying not to cry. 
It didnt seem like the shutty princess was exactly understanding how what she just yelled was making things weird. She just stood there expectantly. She kinda looked like she thought being raped was something that must happen to everyone. Did she think that? Wouldn't put it past her weird ass. 
"Uhm...anyways, i'm sure you'll do awesome, he likes to put boys in tight jeans. Wish I could intern too, I'd love to see that boom boom~" she winked. 
A perverted joke...and then she had the audacity to wink at me. 
"You wish you could see me in tight jeans, shitty extra!"
"I know...thats what a I just said." She dead panned, blinking a couple times at me. 
"Tch, screw you!"
"I would-" 
"Can it, i don't wanna hear your shitty voice anymore"
The girl stopped herself after my words, pushing all her hair behind her head, except for the two blond stands in the front. 
(You don't have to acknowledge these if you don't want, but I made it so that they change color depending on what element your using and I thought it was hot*if you have short hair, then you just got a lil nishinoya type thing 🥰)
Lifted her obnoxious hands that moved around while she talked and made a zipper-like motion over her lips. Then she just stood there looking at me. I really wanted to just let her stand there and go back to eating. Ignore her completely and let her hope fizzle out and die or something like that. 
Yet here I am, still looking at her. Silently. Wishing she made a stupid joke so that I could stop flickering between those images I'd seen of her dancing. How even though ballet is a princess fucking dance, the pictures felt nice. Like if I was watching it live I would probably be unable to criticize it. That pissed me off, because I want to hate everything about her, but I can't hate those photos. Where she looks like she is flying, without any need for a quirk.
I see her in that weird gown, and now, in the UA uniform. I see her looking respectable, formal, and serious. Then I see her stupid little smirk as she takes pride in being able to shut up for more than a minute. 
"Why are you still standing there?"
Instead of answering, she took her hand up again, made a pinch with her fingers and unzipped her mouth. 
"I was enjoying the look in your eyes."she smiled. 
The look in my eyes? Could she tell I was seeing two different people? What the hell does that even mean? Even said it without that shitty flirt voice. Like she meant it. 
"You tryna make fun of me?"I stood up from the table to get in her face.
"Not right now, maybe later, I gotta do something." She smiled sincerely at me, for a second as she walked away, I forgot about how this conversation started. What a wierd fucking girl. I'll never respect her as a hero. Tch. (Yes, its canon he tchs even in his thoughts) 
3rd person POV 
Y/n briskly walked out of the cafeteria with a new goal in mind. She would come to remember how maybe being oblivious was a benefit in some ways, but for now, she had a clear plan .
"Mr.Aizawa, let me do an internship."
"You weren't in the festival, I can't just hand you to a hero who has no idea what you can do, y/n."
"Well, you know what I can do, right?"
"No. I'm not doing internships. Stop asking."
"That's not what I meant! You can just tell them, or I could, it's not that hard to explain. Just say i'm all- powerful or some play on words like 'she's got all the right elements' hehe, see how i mimicked your voice there?" Y/n grinned like a child. She was proud of herself. 
"No. Still not happening."
"I wanna be an intern too, you raggedy ann looking ass hoe" 
"Y/n, it doesn't make sense, insulting me to get what you want?"
"Maybe it doesn't, but I bet you feel real insecure about your hair right now."
"You already have detention, what more do you want!"
"An internship, I wanna do one with kamui Woods, I have a good reason, too. As far as my quirk control, i'm the weakest with earth, the aspect that allows me to grow and manipulate plants and stuff. That's why I've only been using that part of it all month. Im trying to get her up to speed so I can start using all four at once. He is like a tres guy, right? He manipulates earth all day long. He could teach me a lot, and that aspect of my quirk would suit his well. Please!?!?!?"
If the girl had just asked again in a normal way, his answer would have been the same. However Aizawa was taken aback to hear how much thought she put into this. From the stories of the teachers lounge, he came to understand her big life goal, was to rely fully on a rich man or woman, and do nothing at all forever. Just to try and forget about the terrible life she was destined to have because of that quirk.
This side of her was something he could not even her mother had seen, and it prompted him to speak those words she wanted to hear so badly.
"Fine." 
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shy-marker-pliers · 3 years
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Just Catholic School Things (AKA why i became an atheist at age 11)
PSA: everyone’s religious experience is obviously different. i’m just talking abt my experiences here and i’m in no way speaking for everyone who ever went to a catholic school lol.
Ok my parents are catholic and because of that i went to a small catholic school for eight years (preschool-grade 6) and hoo boy it was Something. tw for religion, religious trauma, all that good stuff.
UNIFORMS UGHHHH (the only colors we were allowed to wear were red, white, black, and sometimes you could get away with very dark navy blue)
you could choose from this wide variety of options: long or short sleeved polo shirt (has to be tucked in), black dress pants or dress shorts. sometimes they’d let you wear a sweater or cardigan but only if it was red or black. you could also wear a jumper dress as long as you had black/white tights and dress shoes. also the dress had to be black and red plaid.
we only got to go without uniforms if we were having pajama day which only happened like once a year, twice if we were lucky.
having to wear clothes like that for so long is probably the reason why i live in hoodies and sweatpants now lol
Asking my mom if she would sacrifice me if god told her to and her saying yes (i was in FIRST GRADE)
crying for hours and saying that i’m going to hell because i lied about having seen a movie (second grade)
teachers deadass saying that u only go to heaven if you’re the right religion (catholic) and even then you still had to follow all the rules or else you’d go straight to hell
having to tell a priest my darkest sins (this was not optional, everyone was required to do this twice a year)
people in my class thinking that you couldn’t be friends with someone if they were a different religion than you
having to learn cursive ughhhh (jokes on them tho cause now i can read cursive but refuse to write in it out of pure spite)
not being allowed to sing non-religious songs for our yearly christmas concert
being required to speak in church (readings, lord hear our prayer, gospel, stations of the cross, etc) which was hell for ppl that have a fear of public speaking. 
also along with that we had to sing in the choir and be altar servers (again, this was non-negotiable)
ALSO ALSO whenever there was a funeral at church they would make 3 of the 5th and 6th graders miss recess and lunch and altar serve for it, and since there weren’t a lot of us we all had to do it at least once. i’m talking 10-11 year olds not getting to eat and having to spend an hour and a half plus wearing a whole ass robe in a building with no heating or cooling units full of crying people and a dead body 
the only compensation i ever saw for that was a lollipop btw.
im sure that didnt affect anyone in any way
being super fucking clueless about the world around me until like the middle of 7th grade because, whether intentional or not, i was being sheltered
not knowing gay ppl were a thing until 4th grade and only because i overheard my grandma being homophobic and asked what she was talking about
having shit social skills because my entire school, from preschool to 6th grade consisted of about 80 people, including teachers and i had known the same kids since preschool, so i never had to make new friends.
we also had one teacher for multiple grades (for example, 3rd and 4th grade shared a classroom and teacher, 5th and 6th grade did the same)
going to church every week was literally a part of school. every friday we’d get to class, be there for like 10 minutes to listen to morning announcements, and take a 3 minute walk to church. then we’d spend like an hour and a half there and go back to class
and don’t even get me started on lent, advent, adoration, and benediction.
ok i’m gonna get started anyway
fyi advent is the 22-28 days leading up to xmas. lent is 40 days long, not counting sundays, and lasts from ash wednesday to holy saturday (the day before easter).
so every day during lent and advent we all had to gather in the hall or outside and say a decade of the rosary. for those unfamilliar this means saying one our father, followed by ten hail marys, and one glory be. so that’s like 12 minutes of our time that we could’ve been using to idk learn math. 
and on fridays and mondays we had to do 2 to make up for the weekend so double the time wasted yayyy
we weren’t really allowed freedom of expression either. we were told what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, and that’s it. even in art class.
i understand art teachers having everyone do the same style of project (ie: make a watercolor paining, sculpt something, etc.) but ours legit had us do THE EXACT SAME THING.
like, one time we were doing origami and instead of being like “ok here’s some paper and some designs to choose from go wild kiddos” the teacher was like “make a crane, a star, and an envelope. they all have to be different colors and you can’t use white or black paper. ok go.” 
total bullshit tbh
ill talk more abt her later cuz this is getting long lol
anyways thats my spicy religious trauma 4 u
but jokes on them cause now i’m an nb pan anarcho-communist lmao
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edge-lorde · 4 years
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hp update: what time is it? its VALENTIMES! thats right, i am in the midst of the new gildaroy lockhart themed valentines special event! 
its valemtimes time in the magical phone game-iverse, and lockhart is on tour with his new book voyages with vampires and as part of that tour hes coming to his former boarding school. we get a level where we all gather in the cafeteria for an assembly before he talks to us. get a cute scene with all the different house kids sitting together at their tables talking about their opinions of valentines day. i dont remember all of them but heres the ones i do:
penny: its good and i love it.
tonks: of course you love it penny.
penny: i love that you know that about me!
diego: one of my character traits is that im inherently flirty. i have both hit on the mc and a centaur before but im not dateable so dueling or whatever. 
jae: anybody want to buy some love potion? i swear im not a cop.
charlie: this holiday has no dragons in it = charlie no carey.
bill: im not here so i guess i graduated already
ismelda: i hate valentines day cause im goth
merula: i hate valentines day performatively because im merula and full of angst. 
liz: aminals 
barnaby: i get valentines sent to me in the mail all year round :) doesnt everyone? i have heard someone call me a heartthrob before :))
andre: gildaroy lockhart is a fashion icon i hope this lockhart themed event doesnt disappoint me. 
tulip: prankintines anyone?? hmm??? 
talbott: i prefer................. flying solo (looks into the middle distance as themesong plays)
we get fun valentines themed class levels after this, in potions, transfiguration, charms, and herbology. each of these classes is implied to be made up of kids from your house plus one other house, so every player will have at least one class with each of the other characters. the potions class was notable because snape had a cauldron of love potion pre-made to show us and lecture about, but hes not about to teach us how to make it. 
snape: this causes very potent infatuation only. using this potion is comparable to coercion. children conceived under its effects will be doomed to be unable to love*.
liz (!!!! who is IN THE CLASS!!): gross. why is it here?
snape: so i can teach you how to recognize and avoid it. this is the closest thing to sex ed you will ever get so pay attention. 
we then get a bit where we can say what we think it will smell like, because love potion smells like what you love. your options are merula, barnaby, and nothing here. i picked nothing here.
barnaby: but... we went to the dance together... we went on that date too... why dont you want to smell me?
because i thought that would be a really weird thing to say in front of someone... barnaby or merula....
transfig class has a lovebirds to lovenotes lab. you get to pick how much of urself you want to put into the lovenote. i chose to keep my feelings private and so my note only said “be my valentine.” lovenotes work like howlers in this world, meaning they open themselves up and read themselves out loud. this implies the existence of many more emotion-based talking mail species but that is a thought for another day. 
then we have lockharts talk. all lockhart levels so far have it so that the only thing you can click on is him and this is done intentionally. hes got some good new character specific animations. he says hes having a book signing in diagon alley and hes inviting a few randomly selected students to attend because he doesnt want the whole dang school there. seems like if this is a book tour, he should be having this signing somewhere in hogsmeade, you know the town close by. diagon alley is in london i thought and hogwarts is in scotland. granted, there are many forms of fast travel that make a move like that feasible but it just seems unorganized. i suppose the game devs cant make up a bookstore in hogsmeade that wasnt in the original text though im sure there would be one. 
the event skips over the selection process but the mc is chosen along with the 5 dateable characters: merula, penny, andre, barnaby, and talbott. mama weasley is also there just cause she likes lockhart and wanted the book and hoped one of her kids would be chosen for the trip, the statistical odds being in her favor. this is post the latest christmas special because she greets both the mc and merula. 
later lockhart names us his new valentines party planners and makes me captain, but he refuses to specify whether this party should be focused on his new book, himself, or valentines day. he then tells us to just plan it and leaves. we get down to business and decide that my captain name should be captain valentine. then we have a slow pan across all of my potential suitors faces as we ready for the next leg of the event, one-on-one levels with each of them. thats where i am now, but i just wanted to highlight andres animation in this shot. the game creators have really been killing it lately, giving some characters their own signature animations and therefore mannerisms. andre gives a nice little fingerwave here and it adds a lot of character. 
so far ive done one-on-one levels with barnaby and penny. barnabys was first and i thought it fit with the story pretty well. i meet him in the herbology classroom and hes like i have an idea for decorating! we can use the roses we grew during out valentines herbology special class (which i didnt mention earlier because nothing else happened.) 
we are given the option to say no barnaby thats stealing but im not percy so i didnt pick that. then at the end hes like
barnaby: so... remember how we went to that dance together...
mc: ye
barnaby: and then we went on both of ours first real date together...
mc: uh-huh. romantic, totally. 
barnaby: well.... i dont have a valentine yet....................
he of course doesnt come right out and make you say yes or no right there because theres 4 more suitor levels i have to do but it actually makes sense for him to beat around the bush like this if it were that i really did shake his confidence by saying that i didnt smell him in the potion before. i am gonna pick him at the end, all these other levels are just filler. i would feel bad if i didnt pick him for everything date-worthy now both because not doing so leaves him up to the mercy of ismelda and just cause im boring like that. i picked him and ill see it through to the end of the game, which likely will end with us going to different colleges and loosing touch but still. 
next level was penny. she wants my help with a charm rather than a potion this time. shes out of her depth. she comes right out and asks me to be her valentine even though ive never chosen romance options with her before at all. i was flabbergasted in a good way when it turned out that the game did in fact allow the mc to be gay by not locking any date choices by gender, but so far this was only in the mcs hands, this is the first time a character has confessed romance for the mc without the mc choosing it first. meaning, all of the datable characters could be canonically queer. i think thats pretty cool. penny is gay to me now.
the next level in my docket is with andre. lockhart has told him he wants the color scheme to be lurid pink. andre is distressed. never meet your heros kid U__U next hp update we find out why.
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rqs902 · 5 years
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qcyn ep 10 aka an episode that really made me happy!! but also really made me miss season 1..........
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG WU CHENGZE AND CHEN SIJIAN AND XU FANGZHOU OMGOMGOMG IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM!!!!!! OMGOMGOMG THAT BOTTOM ROW AHHHH I WAS SO SURE THAT CHENGZE WASNT GONNA MAKE IT BUT OMGOMOGMOG YESSS AND THANK GOODNESS SIJIAN OMGGGG YESSSHSHSHS AHHHHHH 
phew thank goodness lin mo made it tho, now i feel like there’s not much left for me to do cept wait for this show to end bc im pretty sure thats as far as he’ll get, and im so so relieved he made it to the top 20 thats all i was asking for, i just wanted him to be able to participate in every stage. so now im just excited for when he gets out what mr tyger will do!
man iqiyi really skipping even 14-19 man..... 
wowowowow long lost xixi spirit of the knght footage that we never got to see T__T
LOOOOL LONGHAN THE POOR CHILD HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HIS INTERACTIONS WITH YIXING ARE GOLD
awwwww huaiwei’s feeble “are yall not gonna clap” was so sad... but also i was kinda expecting his fall with the 2 vote restriction bc huaiwei is hilariously fun and everyone likes him, but hes not as much bias material.... lol shi zhan awkwardly stuck between two crying people lol
HAHAHAHHA CHEN SIJIAN ‘why cant we just talk to each other’s face to face’ HAHHAHAHA I LOVE HIM 一點都不說唱 HAHAHHAAH
lol zhenning exposing shi mingze is the content im here for! mingming is the cutest bub omg 
LOL WTF IS THIS THIS EDITING IS SO EXTRA HAAHAH
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wow a rare zhan yu teardrop mole sighting!!
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lol how much u wanna bet it was rigged that the first one was for wenhan from yangyang
aw huaiwei and yueyue....... ok but is he really telling them that they shouldnt go to the hospital if they get third degree burns?? bc as a future healthcare professional im gonna to strongly disagree on that one........ please take care of yourselves and your health first.........
HAHAHHAA I LOVE XIXI AND JUNJIE’S FRIENDSHIP HAHAHAH the fact that sijian was like “lol its junjie” as soon as xixi got called out ....oh my goodness this is the sweetest thing oh my goodness 
aw zhenning being so caring towards wang zhe.... but luckily wang zhe did really well in maze :) 
i hope we get to see more of these letters in the extra clips.... im waiting for jia yi’s letter to lin mo ;_; i see that mr tyger group hug ahhh also was that lin mo that wenxuan was hugging at the end bc their friendship is really aw too
OH MY GOODNESS IS THAT SUN ZELIN IN A CF/?!?!?!! OMGGGGG MY CHILDDD HAHAHHAHAH OMGGGGG YESSSSS CHEN SIJIAN TOO!!!! WOWWOWOOW AMAZING!!
aw junjie looking for happy for his friends even tho he likely wont make it this round.....
aw shi mingze and zhenning aww look at zhenning rising to the top, he really became people’s one pick after retreat huh hahaha 
man this might sound kinda mean (im really not trying to be) but what are the chances jia yi will keep falling and fall out of top 9 so mr tyger can continue as 5.... LOL im sorry i love the child but tbh i dont think being in top 9 will be worth his time as much as being reunited with his favorite geges......
aw poor mingming so nervous.... reminds me of quanzhe from last season that one time iqiyi kept panning to him during elims....
i wonder why there’s a bunch of them missing from the special class / the charity activity this time..... are they all in the hospital again???? like lin mo, jia yi, wenhan.... would zhan yu be with them to watch over lin mo and jia yi? 
lol why does bo yuan know the maze choreo, did he learn it in like 30 seconds?? gu landi with his saxophone!!!!!!!!!!!
ok can we pls talk about how ymm is in such disbelief that he went up so much?? i really hope this helps him gain more confidence....... AND OMG HIS SMILEEE 
omg chen youwei bringing up yi xiao.... aw this just makes me think of when youwei kept chanting jin fan’s name during the first elims.... and now wang yi and li yuzhi are left watching from below..... omgosh wu chengze is crying so hard.... do you think its bc his bff sun zelin ranked beside him last time but this time..... he’s not gonna be able to continue with him? (omg im just thinking about how sun zelin talked about chengze high-fiving him and going out of his way to wish him good night every night before bed... their friendship is...... so important......) honestly im gonna miss sun zelin and his silly humor and his adorable personality... he recognized he wasnt as skilled but he still tried really hard and dreamed big and im proud of how far he made it! 
wait i have a question, if ymm has this many solo stans then who else were they voting for with their second vote if not wen yechen??? MINGMING’S SMILE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS OH MY GOODNESS omg cutting to a crying shi mingze their friendship is so important MINGMING YOU DESERVE THIS 
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA YAO MINGMING KEEPING IT REAL HAHAHHAHAHAA SO REAL IM CRYING HAHAHAHAHAHA BO YUAN’S FACE HAHAHA AND THEN YIXING HAHAHHA
wow waiting for them to announce who ranked #1 is just as suspenseful as it was on “all for one” -- aka not suspenseful at all........... ITS WENHAN OK WE GET IT NO ONE THINKS ITS GUAN YUE IM SORRY
lol i just looked up bo yuan’s birthday and hes like 9 months older than lin mo but now that hes eliminated does this make lin mo the oldest trainee on the show..... 
omgosh im gonna miss the sound of feng junjie’s voice screaming
omgosh zhan yu helping lin mo lift his box out aw!! aw zhan yu and jia yi working together.... aww them all working together
aw zhenning and shi zhan friendship!!!! LOL THIS IS SO CRINGE HAHAHHAHAHA wow i just realized the S symbol reminds me of a sadder looking yoyo class symbol from “all for one” lolololl 
ooo at least we’ll get another junjie ep of YAA!!!! and sun zelin too!!! SHI MINGZE YOYO POWERS/??!!? omg reminds me of bi wenjun ;_; i miss our yoyo prince ;_; omg they reused the puffy suits from last season LOOOLLLL wait but im sorry xixi i cant look at that colorful one without thinking of lou zibo ahhhhhhhhh I MISS ZIBO TOO and qian zhenghao in the tiny alien one omg that was such a iconic moment!!!!! and qin fen in the overblown monster one ahhhh I MISS SEASON ONE IM SORRY I FEEL LIKE ITS LATE ENOUGH IN THIS SEASON THAT I CAN SAY THIS WITHOUT FEELING LIKE IM BEING BIASED BUT SEASON ONE WAS BETTER ---- but i still love many of the kids from this season, its not their fault this season has just been generally more frustrating and less focused on all of their friendships. but season one just seemed generally more enjoyable, fun and lighthearted, yet emotional in a positive manner
LOL theyre all so obviously reading off a script this is pretty funny WHY IS HANYU SO CREEPY HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA 
FENG JUNJIE 28 NOOOOO ahhh i thought shi mingze would make it too........ man wang yi 38?? i thought he’d be higher.... man chen sijian’s literally the only rap line trainee left wtf............ wow wang jiayi really dropped so much throughout this show.... 
wait i wanna hear the full version of shi mingze’s speech, i feel like he mightve said more about his friendship with mingming... i guess now that i think about it, mingze having ranked rather high last time was rather impressive considering iqiyi hasnt given him much time to shine......
ooof ok im kinda hoping 20 will be gu landi or shao haofan bc their vocals really would’ve earned it. omgosh gu landi asking chen tao if he can sit next to him ahhhh so cute
im yao chi praying for gu landi... but i feel like its gonna be chen tao bc freaking wenhan’s “gwi ze” LOL
yep
not surprised
man the audience be sleeping on gu landi’s talent..... 
omg this is my new favorite friendship omg gu landi is so supportive towards yao chi im crying.... 
lol they keep saying the top 9 is 換血 but literally i feel like the only new person is zhenning...???? 
OH MYGGODNESS DID THEY JSUST CALL FENG JUNJIE IM SSHAKINGN!!! MASD;ALSKD;LAKSD;LK;LS;AKLDK YEASSSSSSSS!!!!!SKJSALDKJSALKYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THANK YOU THANK YOU THAKN YOU OH MY GOODNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IM SO PSODKALSKDJLAKJDSLK DSALKJSALASD IM IN DISBELIEFASLDKJALK IM LITERALLY CRYING SO HARDR IGHT NWOWWWW AHHHH OMGOMOGMG THIS IS THE BEST NEWS IVE HEARD ALL DAY OMGGGJGGGGGAHHHHHHHHH THNAK GOODNESS AHHHHHHH LAKJSDLAKSDLKL HE CAN STAY WITH XIXI TILL THE END THANK GOODNESS OH MY GOODNESS IM SHAKINGG 
hahhahahahhaha fjj: i didnt imagine i would be picked by the old men... yixing: i can tell :)  LOOOOL JUNJIE YOUR FACEE HHAHHAHAHAHA
wow today is a such good day wow feng junjie made it wow im so grateful wow this is a great day wow life is great isnt it 
ahhh im wu chengze chanting wu zelin sun zelin wu zelin sun zelin 
aw lin mo and wenxuan are really so close....
just dont say wenhan LOL
lol the old men really like zhou shiyuan so im not surprised... he does deserve it tho!
oo good for haofan! 
honestly they prob made sure the old men didnt pick yechen, zhan yu or bo yuan again... sadly..... but also sad they didnt notice gu landi....... omgosh look at zhan yu pumping his fists in the air even tho he knows its over... this is his “pretending to be mature gege” side, trying to appear positive for his bros... i wanna see lin mo and jia yi’s full thank you speeches and see if they mention his again T_T
WANG JIAYI TELLING HUAIWEI ITS OK TO NOT BE STRONG IS SO IMPORTANT. ahhh hes really a caring friend
oh gosh seeing the top 20 choosing their final songs makes me think back to last season and im getting freaking mack daddy flashbacks and im shuddering in fear LOL “ITS OKAY” WAS AND STILL IS THE SUPERIOR SONG IM SORRY ITS JUST A FACT
LOL THEY TEXT THEM!??! on the bright side, this just reminded me that top 35 will still get to be in ep 11 so yayyy we get another zhan yu stage!!!!!!
lol this earth ad is even more cringey.................. the ending credits.... i see lin yuzhi! and xixi got a cool shot :D im surprised lin mo didnt get any shots haha and that they didnt show mr tyger at all during the hugging portion at the end but oh well i guess..... 
tbh this was a minimal lin mo exposure ep but its ok, im still grateful that he got a few random closeups (which is more than i can say for some of the others) and now that hes safely in top 20 i honestly think my work here is done LOL. there’s not much more lin mo fans can do for him. theyve gotten him onto all the stages and i dont think any amount of work will get him into top 9... and ive said before i dont even really want him in top 9 bc id rather he stay with mr tyger and help them stay relevant bc theyll need his help to do so, especially since jia yi will probably make top 9. 
(from here is where i go into a rant about season 1 vs season 2.... LOL)
lets be honest, ranking 16 is too low for lin mo to make it lol....... last season the only kid who made top 9 who wasnt already in top 9 by ep 10 was yanjun... and yanjun had been on a steep upward trend leading up to the last ep (lin mo went from 17 to 16... theres minimal momentum there lol) and then bi wenjun going from 12 to 10 was the other surprise. xikan going from 18 to 13 was impressive, but he still wasnt one of the contenders for the 9th spot. i think at the end it was bu fan, qian zhenghao, bi wenjun and you zhangjing right? out of those 4, the lowest ranked in ep 10 was bi wenjun at 12..... so going from 16 up to 9 would be really really unlikely, unless lin mo somehow makes an even greater impression on the audience during the mentor collab stage than yanjun did last year.... which i think will be impossible bc literally the entire audience fell in love with yanjun during the “zero” performance in last season’s ep 11 lol it was crazyyyy.... but anyway i think ive reminisced about last season enough this rant.... can you tell i really miss it? honestly ive tried to stay as positive as i could throughout watching qcyn and i gave iqiyi the benefit of the doubt from the beginning that “oh maybe it just doesnt seem as great as the first season bc we havent gotten to know the kids yet, the show’s just started, we’ll learn to love it later” ---- but we’re on ep 10 now and i just.......... i still dont think i got to know the kids as well as i did last season and its not their fault, theyre not any less lovable kids (some of them i really like!!! more than some of the kids from last season!) but this season’s editing is really just disappointing. i really miss last season and it was honestly so much more enjoyable to watch..... i thought about this the other day, if lin mo had been eliminated during the last round, would i still be watching this show? and i thought about it and i honestly think i would... because i really like some of the other kids like mingming, junjie, xixi, jia yi, guan yue, chen sijian, etc. but i really dont think id be as eager to stay up to date with it. ive fallen behind on yaa and dont even look forward to watching fanafan anymore bc lin mo hasnt been on any of those (no, i dont count the yaa ep he literally only got 1 second of screentime in) these side shows are fun, but not as fun as fanafan from last season. they feature the same kids over and over again (literally yuehua trio was the ONLY kids on fanafan 2 weeks ago and then they were 1/3 of the ep last week too??? and hmm how come there are kids who have been on yaa multiple times yet there are also kids who have never been on it at all???? that’s just so unfair.....) without fanafan from last season, would you zhangjing have made it into top 9?? fanafan was the medium thru which he really showed us how hilarious and fun and lovable and sweet and sassy he was (whereas on the actual show he showed us his true, undeniable talent) and im just here wondering, if qcyn’s fanafan had featured ye ziming half as much as they had featured you zhangjing or his partner in crime yanjun (who both ended up making top 9), would he have at least made top 35? or how about chen sijian and wu zelin? or feng junjie?? or su yuhang?? where would they be now? why hasnt lin mo been on fanafan at all??? if given the chance, would people actually be appreciating zhan yu’s hilariously weird and crazy personality that we NEVER got to see?? sigh.......... 
OKAY WHERE ARE ALL THE EXTRA CLIPS IMMA FIND YALL
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hellomisterriddle · 6 years
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Questions About Creating Your OCs
‘Cause sometimes the stories of how OCs come to be are just as interesting as the OCs, themselves. Tell me how your virtual kids came into the world.
(from that ask meme i just reblogged; here are all my answers)
I’m using HotSpot/Hester Heights for this
What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?
His looks! The first thing i remember wanting was to make sure he looked like a fuckboi
Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?
Sorta not really??? Like I only knew what a hand full of characters looked like in Neoapolis at the time, so mostly I worked on making him look like a foil to my other OC, Regal.
How did you choose their name?
HotSpot was an easy enough name to think of. I wanted something kinda dudebro-y and it basically chose itself lmao Hester Heights on the other hand... I’m pretty sure I was thinking of literature and just combined withering heights with that girl from....that one book.... crucible??? scarlet letter??? cant remember sklgjskfljjs
Also fun fact i didnt know hester was a girl name until i googled it way later agdjfkfk
In developing their backstory, what elements of the world they live in played the most influential parts?
Definitely the Reputation levels and Celebritism that runs in the veins of Neoapolis. I knew HotSpot needed to be molded by that system and manipulated into thinking that all that mattered was being rich and famous
Is there any significance behind their hair color?
Long and Blond made me think of surfer dudes and fuckbois
Is there any significance behind their eye color?
Yes!! So his eyes aren’t one specific color--I call them “molten” so the’re basically like a lava lamp of fiery colors. My favorite to use is gold (think idris elba as heimdall) 
Is there any significance behind their height?
Nyeheheh yes--I just wanted him to be shorter than most, adds some fire to him if he’s ever teased about it
What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?
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Are they based off of you, in some way?
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(we’re basically the same person tbh--he’s just more vocal) 
If they have an LI, how much of their character is tailored to be compatible to that person?
ZERO LMAO when i first made him i had no idea he’d have the bae he eventually has
however--its a different story.........later on...............
Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation?
Nope! I didn’t know a lot about him when i made him tbh--I just needed a foil to my other character. i didn’t expect to get so invested in this asshole. Although i always used to imagine him surrounded by hordes of women before i eventually decided on making him pan
What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?
Writing. Writing HotSpot is so fucking hard. He’s so fucking unpredictable, I have to constantly double, triple checked with myself to make sure ‘hey is this in character??’ its damn near impossible
How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?
LMAOOOO OKAY FUNNY STORY UHHHH
so HotSpot is an OC in an rp group...an rp group that hasn't started yet sfjghfjgdf LOL;;;; sooooo while me and my gf figure out the logistics of this group, we just went ahead and started rping shit that wouldn’t necessarily require others’ characters yet! our rps themselves have only gone 2-6 years in the future, but we have like... ideas and aus that go up to like 10yrs in the future sdfjgkfg
If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?
His recklessness/temper and his complicated feeling for his bae (at first winkwonk)
What is something about your OC can make you laugh?
his fuckboi-ness lmaooo
What is something about your OC can make you cry?
oh man--and this has happened before, i’ve cried rping about this--but how much he ruined his own life with his unchecked emotions
Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?
Kinda wish I hadn’t killed his sister for the manpain fgkldjflhk i mean to be fair it only effected him subconsciously, but still... wish she still lived :(
What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?
im constantly discovering all sorts of things with HotSpot/Hester thanks to how little i thought about him when i first made him. The most recent one thoooo...
OH!! LOL it was from our most recent RP!! I discovered that while Hester doesn’t mind waking up early, he very much minds it when he’s woken up earlier than he has to be fjgdlfjhd 
What is your favorite fact about your OC?
like...fact fact, as in a random fact or like... fact as in anything about who he is in general??? immm...gonna take it as the latter...
my favorite thing about hotspot/hester is how he gets better. its something im proud of in him, and something i want to do too. 
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angeltaehyung · 7 years
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questions tag!! i was tagged by @pjminis! thanks a bunch!!! 💞
Name: ryan
Nicknames: ry
Zodiac sign: taurus
Height: 5′7 / 173cm
Orientation: bi? pan?? definitely one of those
Favorite fruit: watermelon or peaches probably
Favorite season: summer or fall i think...... 100% not winter fuck winter
Favorite book: the chanters of tremaris trilogy i’ve reread it so many times i love it
Favorite flower: lilies and roses (i especially like the white ones)
Favorite scent: eucalyptus spearmint, peppermint, citrus-y scents
Favorite color: light blue
Favorite animal: dogs probably but i rly love like all animals
Favorite beverage: water and diet coke
Average sleep hours: recently probably like 7 or 8 
Favorite fictional character: uuhh kageyama tobio? luna lovegood maybe?? i honestly have know clue i love so many fictional characters   
Number of blankets you sleep with: late fall to early spring - 4 blankets, late spring to early fall - 1 blanket
Dream trip: i wanna go to italy and greece so bad.... and argentina and sweden and s korea..... but mostly italy and greece
Blog created: this blog was created march 2016 but i’ve been on this hell site since october 2010
Number of followers: well it is most certainly A Number
Gender: nonbinary
Time right now: 11:56pm
Last thing I googled: fields of gold lyrics eva cassidy Favorite bands: bts, wjsn, exid, vixx, say anything, dnce, and lots more Fave solo artists: jessi, cheetah, beyonce, bebe rexha, kehlani, fka twigs.... dude honestly the list is Endless   Song stuck in my head: teenage dirtbag by wheatus Last movie I watched: blue is the warmest color i think??  Last show I watched: i mean i watched your lie in april on netflix if that counts? i dont watch tv What do you post: bts, aesthetic posts, some other groups  When did your blog reach its peak?: i don’t think it has yet
Do you have other blogs: nope just this one
Do you get asks regularly: no i get them almost never lmao
Why did you choose your url: bc, in case u didnt know, taehyung is a literal angel so angel taehyung is actually pretty redundant Following: 227 Posts: approx 6.3k Hogwarts house: slytherin Pokémon team: mystic but i dont play pkmn go anymore so Lucky numbers: 8 What am I wearing now?: a tank top n a pair of shorts  Dream job: a job where i get paid for sleeping (it says dream job, not realistic job)
tagging: no one this time sorry!! if u read all this and want to do it tho (these things are always pretty fun lol) u can definitely say i tagged u!!  💕 
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iampotatoe · 7 years
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Hey.. so I never do these things but @pierce-the-reckless-and-brave tagged me because she’s awesome so I guess I’ll give this a go.
Rules are to tag 20 of your followers you want to know better
Name: Alex
Nickname: lol not telling you but you can make me one
Gender: NB
Star sign: Scorpio
Height: 5′8 1/2 yet for some reason I’m still considered short
Sexual orientation: pan
Hogwarts house: slytherin or ravenclaw
Favorite color: black and blue
Favorite animal: snakes or reptiles in general but I love all animals
Average hours of sleep: like 3 on a good day
Time right now 4:20 pm
Cat or dog: if I had to choose it’d probably be a cat
Favorite fictional character: I really hate choosing but probably Jack Skellington
Number of blankets I sleep with: two but my house doent have heating so I’m cold
Favorite band/ singer: basically anything with Frank Iero or Ed Sheeran
Dream trip:GERMANY
Dream job: idk what I’m doing with my life but like an artist or photographer or musician preferably something where I could travel
When was this blog created: in June of 2014
Current number of followers: 149 so not many 
When did your account peak: it hopefully hasn’t yet
What made you decide to make a Tumblr: I saw screenshots and wanted to join in
Why did you pick your url: bc im a potatoe i saw the kawaii potato thing but I’m am just an average potatoe and I’m okay with that 
:)
You don’t have to do this and I probably don’t know you too well if i’m tagging you tht just means we’ve had some form of communication or i’ve seen you in my notifications I TAG:
@cynnamon-roll @vicssmile @transfrank 
@neverenoughmcr @mall-cart @mcr-and-coffee
@theskywasmadeofamethyst @victorious-killjoys @ked-poetry
@alternative-snail @rosyrunner @cute-loner
all you people that i tagged are amazing and i see you so you can do this if you want (even if i didnt tag you directly) but dont fell obligated this is all for good fun :)
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arplis · 4 years
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Arplis - News: Arlyns Warm (& Sort of Last-Minute DIYed) Holiday Reveal
Spoiler alert: This starts sad, but I promise a happy endingjust like your favorite Hallmark movie. Yes, its a post about decorating for Christmas, but its a bit of a journey (and your prize for sticking around is seven tips for a pretty holiday look without a ton of planningnext to a cash reward, what more could you want, hm?).
Before moving to LA, I had a long-standing Christmas tradition that involved a sleepover at my place with my twin nephews. Wed go buy a fresh tree, head to Target to pick out their yearly ornaments (and okay, I usually caved and bought them several when they couldnt pickauntie privilege), and settle in for the night with a big ol cheese pizza and tons of candy to decorate and watch holiday movies. When I left Florida, my absolute favorite weekend of the year stayed behind along with my family, and frankly, I didnt feel festive enough last year to decorate. Sure, I bought a tree and then proceeded to cry my way through placing all the memories from years past on it (like I said, no this whole post wont be one giant Joni Mitchell River-esque depressing monologue). But, its been almost two years, and I realized that it was time to start making some new traditions, starting with proper decorations to set the scene for the season.
By proper, I mean nothing more than something that actually brought me joy. In my last home, I didnt care even the tiniest bit about my Christmas aesthetic. Id throw around scraggly bows, dangle strange garlands in places that would inevitably fall off (left unfixed until January). While I appreciate a classic, kitschy look, this didnt make me happy. Looking back, it was a lot like the holiday aisle at Big Lots come December 26sparse, random and nowhere I wanted to be. BUT THIS YEAR IS DIFFERENT. Guys, I really actually tried, and whoa, I love coming home. I get so jazzed to know Ill walk through that door after work to all the fairy lights on (thanks, timers) and all I need to do is light my pine-scented candles.
When I first discussed decorating and shooting my place for the blog, I told Emily I would take the more last-minute DIY angle for this story, except, ha, I should know myself better than to think Im a DIY person (have I talked about the unfinished dining chairs sitting in a corner of my master bedroom enough times for you to understand the stakes here?). Im more of an early minute buying personif we can all agree thats the opposite of last-minute DIY, but dont worry Emily, I pulled out a few stops even for me to salvage this story. Really, though, its an excuse to show you guys my living and dining rooms again, this time just festooned for Christmas using nearly everything Target, because those guys have affordable holiday decor on lock.
Aside from what I bought, there were a few things I planned on doing going into this: dried oranges for garland and ornaments, and the addition of real greenery to anything faux for a lusher more natural look, but more on that in just a bit when we get there. Lets start in the living room:
Creating a Christmas Couch With Simple Textile Swaps
Swapping out textiles seasonally always felt to me like the equivalent of womens magazines telling me when I was younger that Id be going from day to night far more often than I ever have (never). Who was really doing this? Sure, my mom would throw a random Christmas pillow on the sofa when I was younger, but a full swap was absolutely something Id NEVER consider doing. Except well, for the sake of this shoot, I did it, and guess what. IM OBSESSED WITH IT. Dont knock it til you try it.
I left one of my everyday pillows out because it played well with everything else, but Im half tempted to never actually switch them back. Im officially living the cozy life and DONT MAKE ME GO BACK. But seriously, seeing that Fa la la pillow and those little gold embroidered Christmas trees fill my heart with childlike wonder and joy and Im now a winter textiles swap person (once I figure out a more permanent solution than throwing my year-round pillows and blanket in the guest bedroom).
Neutral Tree + Homemade Goodies
The (Christmas-celebrating) world is divided into two subsects: those who take no issue with faux trees, and those that choose to torture themselves with a real evergreen. I am the latter. Every year, when it comes time to recycle this baby, I curse myself for the massacre of needles. But alas, I cant be stopped and I will always opt for a real tree. This is a noble fir that I picked up at Lowes and it has that gappy vibe everyone is into right now. I like how you can load up a branch front to back and things dangle so nicely, sparkling and dazzling in the twinkle lights.
As for the decor, this is actually the first year in a long time I went with white lights. Ive always been a colored-lights just throw crazy stuff up on the tree and call it a day girl (correction: let your small nephews throw crazy stuff up on the tree and call it a day). Someone once asked me if I changed my trees color motif every year and Im pretty sure I rudely laughed in their face before I realized they were serious. No. I am not that person. This is why this year, once I realized that oh wait, people will be seeing my home and I needed to try, I opted to go for something a little more neutral so I could build on it over time. I also had a box full of handmade and drawn ornaments from my nephews that I needed to be sure made it up on those branches (see the paper and crayon snowman, for example). Theres enough going on in my apartment that something a little more minimal didnt make me want to crawl out of my skin a week into the merriment.
Because I wanted some color, I thought to do what evidently everyone else on the internet also thought to do this year: dried oranges as ornaments. I definitely did not get the mailer that must have gone around to tell everyone this was the look of 2019, but regardless, I love it. Some string (in a white and red becauseChristmas), a bag of small oranges and a few hours to dry them out in the oven (Erin from Francois et Moi has a great tutorial here) and boom, I supplemented my tree for about$4. LAST-MINUTE DECORATING LIFE HACK. Put dried oranges on just about everything and you have an instant holiday lewk that feels warm, unpretentious, welcoming and a wee-bit British (i.e. all I ever want to feel).
Some of my favorite ornaments I scooped up this year with my nephews top of mind: the sloth, the fabric Santa, the clip-on glittery birds, and the ceramic turtle doves (I promptly forced my husband Charles to sit and listen to why I got those to represent our undying love). Oh goodness, and I cant move on before discussing that Cookies For Santa plate and milk jug. No, there are no children in my house, but when I saw it, I knew I needed to hoard it for the day that there are because every year my sister runs around trying to find something to put cookies and milk in and it always ends up being an awkward mini loaf pan or something and this feels like a pat yourself on the back for planning ahead moment that I wanted to put on display.
Mix Real + Faux
HOT TIP: Faux garland is so great for using year after year and traditionally, I used to think it looked very fake, but Target has some good stuff. I went with their faux white pine and berries strand here and over the archway and Im so happy with them. This one is 72, so, maybe dont be like me and instead measure before you figure out how much of something you need. I ended up with about 8 inches of bare mantel and had to guinea rig a solution. The left side there, by the candlesticks, is actually a piece of faux greenery also from Target in the same color/finish that I added to the end and BOOM, fixed.
Once I put the eucalyptus wreath on the door, however, I realized it was much cooler in tone than the garland and side by side, they looked a little jarring. My solution? Get some actual eucalyptus (I had some leftover from my Thanksgiving tablescape) and shove in pieces of it about every 6 inches or so. This accomplished two things for me: it married the color/style gap between the wreath and the garland, but it also brought some life to the faux-ness. (Again, this stuff is good, so it doesnt NEED it, it was just a visual preference for me).
Can we talk about the cutest stocking? Growing up in Florida, a land devoid of mantels and fireplaces for obvious reasons, we were not a stocking family. Every now and then, my mom might tie some to the stair banister, but they were never full of anything. Well folks, thats over. I live in LA now, a land with NON-FUNCTIONING fireplaces, but fireplaces nonetheless. LA is all about illusions after all, so as long as it looks like a fireplace, thats all that matters, right? Throw some fairy lights in, no problem (and maybe light some candlesI used these candlesticks from Targetif youre brave and attentive for that real fire feel). This knit guy with the poms is maybe my favorite thing I got this year but HEAVY (hence the nutcracker on top of the stocking holder for that oneI have a little cut-out in the molding that meant less stability, but itll probably be fine if you have a normal 90-degree angle on your mantel).
And, in one of my favorite last-minute moves to use up random leftovers of things, I took some ribbon I had bought for my gift wrap, tied a little piece into a bow and velcroed it to this art piece. Dressing up your artwork can be SO fun for holidays (remember Emilys googly eyes over that oil portrait?). Its so unexpected, costs basically nothing and will get everyones attention, I promise.
Sprinkle Christmas Cheer Throughout Other Vignettes
This whole post should be titled Never Underestimate the Holiday Styling Power of the Bottle Brush Tree because if you look closely enough, there is absolutely one in nearly every shot angle of my home. I threw some on my console table, on a side table, on my coffee table, on my TV standand just WAIT until you get to the dining room. Bottle brush tree galore! They are very affordable and if you dont mind glitter sprouting from nearly everywhere until the end of time, theyre almost all you need to fill in your home with some Christmas spirit outside of the big moments (tree, fireplace). Same goes for leftover ornaments, pieces of greenery (such as free scraps from the tree lot), and super budget-friendly figurines, like these reindeer that make me so happy.
That blonde wood bowl is VERY good guys, and I will absolutely be leaving it out year-round, but for now, it screamed FILL ME WITH JINGLE BELLS so I had to oblige. These are 2-inch bells and honestly just so dang fun. Put them in a vase or bowl but save a few to sprinkle throughout other vignettes (or on a gift!).
The last moment I threw together in this room was the bench by my window. I moved the rust-colored velvet cushion into the guest bedroom (which honestly, I treat like a storage unit, so I know this is not a universal solution) and draped my sheepskin pelt a little asymmetrically. I gotta say, Im quite proud that this placement was my first go at it. The less fussing you do sometimes, the more effortless things look. I over-ordered pillows for my sofa, but thank goodness, because they worked great on here. The green pillow with the poms is SO cute and you might not see it here, but it has these little wood beads at the base of the pom pom which makes it extra special.
Alright, lets move this party into the dining roomafter you.
Accentuate Your Architecture
Ever since I saw Ginnys garland-bedecked archway into her dining room, I dreamed of being able to do the same thing. So when I stepped foot into this apartment for the first time, I instantly knew it would fulfill my greenery-over-archway dreams. This is three pieces of faux garland, hung with some small nails I dug out of an IKEA art hanging kit. Because of my 100-year-old plastered and heavily textured walls, Command hooks simply laughed the THREE times I tried themin three different sizes and configurations (both the laughter and hook type). I finally gave up and went to get the hammer. Cant wait to patch those holes come January, trulythough worth it to me.
Implement a Big Holiday Moment (Thats Actually Really Easy)
Over on the console, I went for a sort of kind of holiday village. It was my initial vision to do a jam-packed Christmas village here, so I bought what felt like hundreds of trees and houses, and then I put them all down and the credenza ATE it. It was like starting with a pan full of fresh spinach and ending up with 2 tablespoons of cooked spinach. My dreams were dashed and I came up with plan B: mix in everyday things with some holiday feels and pretend it was your plan all along. Im actually very happy with it and dont think I havent sat at my dining table some mornings and nights just looking over here with a twinkle in my eye and sugar plums dancing in my head. When you boil it down, its really just three new vignettes: the two bottle brush trees + seasonal candle (above), a footed bowl with some leftover greenery and bottle brush trees (below) and ceramic houses with some fairy lights shoved up into them on top of books which were already there (photo after next). Oh, and some oranges from the grocery store because #theme.
My favorite thing about this whole scene is probably those beautiful wreaths hanging by velvet ribbon over the windows. I LOVE a wreath-over-window (or, as youll see, mirror) moment and two windows meant I had two chances to do it in this room. Quickly: Im very much obsessed with this wreath. It looks so high-end with the dangling brass bells and it matches the garland in the living room, so both spaces speak to each other.
Over on the bar, my vintage gilded mirror called for another ribbon-hung wreath, but I went for the faux cypress leaf version instead to keep things more minimal. The addition of some new brass barware (the Project 62 line looks really good, folks) and a few bottle brush trees and voila, my holiday bar.
When In Doubt, Keep It Simple (For Real)
When it came to what to do on my table, this was REALLY a last-minute DIY situation because I had no idea (which is typically the case with my table). The day before this shoot, Emily texted me that she had some leftover garland at her house from her shoot, and I could come grab some if I wanted. So grab it I did, not knowing what I planned on doing with it, but I ended up throwing it on the table just to think and when I finally came to, I realized it was exactly where it belonged. I pulled out my kitchen sheers because I do not have clippers (apartment living), trimmed it to size and pulled out some small, cheap glass votives I had in my cabinets already to make things moody. AND THEN, I had some extra oranges from my tree ornaments and I just scattered some throughout to connect both rooms visually.
But wait, theres more. At the last minute (okay, the night before), I wanted to give the room more of a casual party vibe and wanted a dessert set up, so I ran out to Ralphs with the intention of making something with the zero minutes I had left in my life to whip up a baked good and found a pre-made bundt cake instead. A simple glaze (though Im sure you could find one glazed already), some cranberries I rolled in sugar, and a smattering of fresh sage leaves is all I needed to fool Sara into thinking I had actually made this when she made it over to shoot. SEMI HOMEMADE TRICKERY.
I will most certainly be doing this again in the future, and if you do, as well, everyone will think youre a domestic goddess. Set out some cute appetizer or dessert plates (these from the Hearth & Home with Magnolia are super cute with festive sayings on them that are subtle but still fun), flatware and napkins, and with very little effort, you just became the hostess with the mostest time to actually blow dry your hair before people show up.
And thus ends my holiday dissertation. It started out bleak, but I promised it would end on a high note, and theres no higher note than being pulled together enough to maybe put some curls in your hair (at least for me).
I rounded up ALL the goods I got from Target below in a few groupings, and yes, at the end of the season, you might find this stuff is sold out either in-store or online, so for that Im SO sorry, but ALWAYS check your local stores because they restock or people make returns and you might just find what youre looking for. Oh, and for a few more exclusive tips, I wanted to share the story Ruemag.com featured of my home as well, so check that out if youre interested. Thanks for stopping by and the happiest of holidays and the merriest of Christmases to you all.
1. Wooden Ornaments Set of 3 | 2. 28 LED Battery Operated Wreath | 3. Lit Up House Ceramic Christmas Ornament | 4. 13 Lit Gold Metal and Capiz Star | 5. 3ct Glass Christmas Ornaments Set Birds | 6. 72 Faux White Pine Garland with Berry | 7. 8ct Glitter Pine Cone Ornament Set | 8. Green with White & Gold Wreath Gift Wrap Roll | 9. 40ct Shatter Resistant Veranda Ornament Set | 10. Fabric Santa White Ornament | 11. Embroidered Tree Skirt | 12. Ceramic Birds Ornament | 13. Sloth Ornament Ornament | 14. Artificial Cedar Stem w/ Pine Cones | 15. Cream w/ Black Swiss Dot Gift Wrap Roll | 16. Faux Leaf Ball Ornament | 17. Truck with Bottle Brush Tree Ornament | 18. Philips 300ct Incandescent Mini String Lights
1. Large Gold Glitter Christmas Tree | 2. Christmas Nutcracker Figurine Gold | 3. Knit Square Throw Pillow with Corner Poms | 4. Holiday Stocking Sour Cream Knot with Red Poms | 5. Milk & Cookies Stoneware Set | 6. Small Gold Glitter Christmas Tree | 7. Wooden Oval Bowl with Handles | 8. 2 16pc Jingle Bells Vase Filler | 9. Cream Faux Fur Oversized Throw Pillow | 10. Embroidered Trees Velvet Throw Pillow | 11. Holiday Stocking Green Stripe | 12. 3pc Taper Candle Holder Set | 13. Texture Faux Fur Throw Blanket | 14. 3pc Mini Deer Figurines | 15. 10 12pk Unscented Taper Candle Set | 16. 2pk Basic Stocking Holder | 17. Large Mercury Glass Christmas Tree | 18. Fa la la Velvet Oversize Lumbar | 19. Clear Glass Vase Large | 20. Channeled Faux Fur Throw Pillow | 21. 4pc Green Flocked Bottle Brush Trees | 22. Large Bottle Brush Tree | 23. Philips 50ct Battery Operated LED Dewdrop Lights | 24. Small Ceramic House
1. 24 Faux White Pine Wreath with Metal Bell | 2. Set of 4 Linen Napkins | 3. 3pc Bottlebrush Trees | 4. Stainless Steel Cocktail Strainer | 5. 4pc Bottle Brush Christmas Tree Set | 6. Stainless Steel Cocktail Stirrer Spoon | 7. Ceramic House Figurines | 8. 5pc Stainless Steel Kayden Silverware Set | 9. 4ct Seasonal Appetizer Plates | 10. Oblong Brass Footed Bowl Gold | 11. 4pk Napkin Set Green | 12. 18 Faux Cedar Wreath | 13. Dew Drop LED Lights w/ Copper Wire | 14. Bottle Brush Tree with Wood Stand | 15. 2.5oz Stainless Steel Double Jigger
***photography by Sara Ligorria-Tramp, design and styling by Arlyn Hernandez
The post Arlyns Warm (& Sort of Last-Minute DIYed) Holiday Reveal appeared first on Emily Henderson.
Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/arlyns-warm-sort-of-last-minute-diyed-holiday-reveal
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tundaycapital · 5 years
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How We Started Selling on ebay
A few months ago I had the itch to do start something myself that was separate from the normal career path. I listen to a lot of the success type podcasts that led me think I could try and sell things online to make a little extra cash. Initially the goal was to set up a used book business on Amazon. Unfortunately, Amazon didn’t pan out because they revoked my selling privileges for reasons never explained to me after multiple attempts to regain the ability to sell. So after that first blow, I focused my attention on ebay. This business would have to be larger than just books as anything goes on ebay. Reading a bit more into and listening to a few more podcasts, we decided to choose garage sales as our primary source for items. This is because we don’t have a ton of cash and it is actually quite interesting. We never know what we’ll find. The following is a step-by-step guide of sorts for how anyone could do this starting next weekend. It will be similar to more popular ones, but it’s our process nonetheless.
1. Download the Yard Sale Treasure Map App and the Ebay App
This app is a necessity as it sources all listed garage sales from Craigslist and their locations so that you can plan your routes accordingly.
Aside from this app, if you see a sign on a street post, pull over and check it out. At least half of the garage sales we go too are from signs along the route.
2. Go to the Garage Sales
Easier said than done. Back in the day garage sales started at 6AM and everything would be gone if you were late. Nowadays in our local areas the garage sales seem to start around 8 or 9AM and they highly discourage “early birds”. Luckily for all it makes garage sailing much more accessible.
3. Look for Interesting items
This simply means find things that look like they may be worth something. Think of branded clothing (Nike, Levi’s, Lucky Brand, The North Face). These sell well if you are in the right price range, which I will cover further down. Also look for things that you know are valuable or interesting to other people. I know the value of bags and books reasonably well but need my lady for women’s clothing and shoes. If you know the intricacies of toys or purses or anything for that matter then search for those specifically. Be careful with kitchen products as those haven’t been very hot for us.
4. Search the Sold Listings
This part takes time and frankly looks awkward to do at garage sales, but just go for it.
Go to the ebay app on your phone and type in the item description to the best of your knowledge. Be somewhat specific with sizes and colors and brands but not so much styles. Under filter, hit the Sold Listings to on and try to find either the exact item or one similar. See the price range for the item you’re searching for.
When you have a range you’ll need to do a quick mental calculation to determine if it’s even worth buying. If there are no results it is a bad sign, avoid the item unless it is a niche/vintage product you really believe would sell. The formula would go as follows:
Avg. Sold Price(on ebay, including shipping) – Estimated Shipping -Purchase Price = Gross Profit
Estimated Shipping has a large range. $3-6 for books depending on their weight. Otherwise determine how heavy and estimate lighter items to be $6-10 and heavier $10-20, as you can always use a flat rate box if it is too heavy.
The purchase price is up to you. Try to get as low as you can, but be willing to walk away if the owner is being ridiculous. $1 is a favorite, but be willing to pay if the item is worth it.
Example 1: Monopoly: Disney My Villains Collector’s Edition
Avg. Sold Price(including shipping): $60
Purchase Price: $2.99 at the local Goodwill, call it $3
Estimated Shipping: $15
Gross Profit = $60 – $3 – $15= $42
That happened in less than a week as I bought the item only a couple of days before it sold. I knew it would be a hit online since it’s a Disney Collector’s Edition with a little supply on ebay.
The next example will show poorer fortune.
Example 2: Carter’s Baby Jacket
Avg. Sold Price(including shipping): I DIDNT EVEN CHECK, after review 5-12-20, Let’s say $12
Purchase Price: $0.50
Estimated Shipping: $7
Gross Profit = $12 – $0.50 – $7 = $4.50
Unfortunately, things didn’t work out so hot when the item sold and the real numbers came out. 
The sale price was 50% lower than I anticipated from the sold comparisons. Shipping was more as well by about 50%. This combined with ebay+paypal fees ended up with us LOSING $5.10. Not the best strategy, but it happens sometimes.
5. Buy it all
Or what you think is most worthwhile.
6. Go home and List.
Open up the ebay app and head to the selling tab, click the list an item button. Type the title of the item. This will take a moment to learn how to be concise yet descriptive. Follow the procedure from there and add photos and a description as best you can. List the item and it is ready to roll.
A quick shortcut to the listing would be to go through Step 4 again but instead click on the item you are selling and a button should be at the top saying sell one like this. Click that and adjust as you need. This saves a little time in crafting the listing.
We keep track of prices, listing and sold items on Google Sheets so we make sure we aren’t losing money.
7. Get paid, but be patient.
Selling doesn’t happen immediately. Some items sell in the same week and some a few months later. We have so far had a 46% net profit margin over the past 3 months, meaning out of the sales we pocket $46 for every $100 sold. This may not sound like a lot but considering many items are bought for $1 or less, the return on investment is phenomenal. Be patient but keep doing this in your free time and you will make some cash on the side.
Here’s a video of random thoughts garage sailing:
youtube
Additional links: https://www.garyvaynerchuk.com/find-easy-products-to-sell-on-ebay/
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"How much cheaper is insurance from G2 to G?
Hello, I am a 20 year old male driver with a G2 license. I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident. I was wondering how much cheaper getting a G would make my insurance? I haven't gotten around to it yet because I am far from a test center and I'm not sure if driving all the way there is worth it. Thanks in advance for answers.
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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If u wrote-off a $5000 car, on average how much would ur insurance company give you back?""
How much is short term car insurance for under 21's (approx price)?
I want insurance on a vehicle for no more than 1/2 weeks. I've been on some websites, but lots don't offer under 21 insurance and others require registration and form filling, which I don't want to do until nearer the actual time. Has anyone on here had experience with insuring a car, short term, at a young age?""
Vespa scooters...insurance? Motorcycle license?
I'm thinking of buying a vespa scooter or something like it but if I'm not sure if it'd be worth it if my insurance goes sky high. Do I need to worry about insuring it? Also, would I need a motorcycle license?""
""I am starting a Cleaning service, I need to be insured can some one help me find good affordable business ins?
I need to find a insurance company that will have some affordable business insurance it will only be my self and 1 other person please help!!!
I pay 450$ for car insurance. Ridiculous!?
I am 20 yrs old, have a full license with no accidents or major tickets. How do they expect young people to survive? With gas at crazy prices i pay nearly 800$ a month on gas and car insurance. I drive a Honda Accord and i need the car due to my commitments. Any thoughts?""
Do I have to buy health insurance in New Mexico?
I recently moved to New Mexico and started a new job. Now I am being told that I have to buy health insurance from my employer, or prove that I am covered under another policy. I am only 21, but I am a smoker and I know this will be expensive. I do not go to the doctor, and have not since I was 10. Do I have to buy coverage I won't use? Is there a way around this?""
Homeowner's insurance and lawsuit?
If I was physically assaulted on someones's property by their family member, can I sue homeowner's insurance? The grandson of the homeowner had been drinking and during a discussion he punched me and broke my jaw.""
Do i qualify for VA insurance?
I just found out that i am pregnant last week and we don't qualify for state insurance because we make too much. But my husband just got out of the marine corp in August so does anyone know if we can get insurance through the VA even though he's already out even if we have to pay a little a month. Or if anyone knows of any insurance i can get for cheap, by the way i don't know if it helps but my husband is unemployed right now. Thank you.""
Tricare/ER Insurance Question?
I lived in Arizona last year and still am in the Tricare West system (out of Luke AFB), although I now live in Ohio. I hurt my ankle several weeks ago and still can't bend it certain ways, and am beginning to suspect a hairline fracture...if I go to the ER (nowhere near any military facilities, especially not with hospitals), and put down my insurance company, will Tricare pay for it (including poss. X-rays) even though I'm still in the Tricare West system? Or should I submit the papers to get a PCM in the North region? (No matter what, I'm assuming I don't need a referral from my PCM to go to the hospital/get X-rays, is this correct?)""
Which insurance company should I chose? Which one is better State Farm or Liberty Mutual? ?
Which insurance company should I choose Liberty Mutual or State Farm? It's mostly concerning claim payouts and handling.
Car insurance??? and a car accident?
hey, my mom got into a car accident a couple months ago with three other cars. However the car was not her, it is my uncles car. He has liability insurance. His insurance company called us and said that just forward the calls we were getting to them. then we start getting a call from a lady saying that we owe her 3,000 dollars. But my uncles insurance company or her insurance company has not contacted us. What do we do? can she do that? what is liability? if the insurance company is not calling us, then does she just want to get money from us. please help me out""
Is it illegal to not have insurance?
I was looking online and saw something in my state for someone getting arrested for not having insurance. My car is insured, but the insurance is not in my name and is under someone else's name and they pay for it. Is it illegal for there not to be an insurance in my name as well?""
Insurance questions: Allstate Insurance?
so i got in a car accident a week ago, other party's at fault , he have no insurance, now, a guy calling from all state asking me questions and have it recorded or something, so i told him to call and talk to my attorney, he called again saying that he have permission to talk to me, i told him tell my attorney to call me n tell me that. I never been in a car accident until now or have any experience in how insurance companies work, i'm onli 19. Do the insurance company usually call and ask you questions regarding the incident or is it all a hoax to get my statement recorded? Cause i have a little suspicion about that guy. I thought everything can handle with my attorney right,? and u don't have to do anything.""
What are some good insurance companies to contract with as an independent broker?
What are some good insurance companies to contract with as an independent broker?
Car insurance? first car?
i have a '96 fiesta 1.1.its my first car. i cannot get insurance cheaper than 2000. it is garaged, minimal miles per year. any one know where i can get cheap insurance??""
Can I drive my parents car without insurance?
Can I drive my parents car without insurance, the car is insured under my parents name, ( we live at the same address) and also can I drive someone elses car without insurance with his or her permission""
Which is the best health care insurance plan & which is the best Indian company to get it?
I'm very particular about Hospital cash insurance.
Can my Storage Company force me to buy their Insurance?
I have had the same storage place for over 10 years now, and recently they have been charging me an extra 9 bucks a month to have their insurance. I do not want to have their insurance ( or any insurance for that matter) and wanted to know if I legally have to pay this or if they are doing something illegal? They also charged me for a month that earlier than what they said I initially had to start paying.""
Any good dental insurance?
We live in the awesome country of America, oh wait, healthcare here sucks, so we need insurance. My family and I need some type of dental and health insurance, any good ones?""
Insurance rate for 2000 ford escort?
it has 143k miles for a female i just need an estimate, it is for a class assignment thanks""
So is there any health insurance for those with serious medical conditons?
My younger brother who's only 20 years old has a host of serious illnesses: crohn's disease, rheumatoid arthritis, irritable bowel syndrome, and a few more conditions that has constantly kept him sick for a good portion of his childhood. He's missed at least half a school year on a number of occasions, and despite his maturation he's still heavily affected by his conditions. Obviously, it's practically impossible for him to hold a steady job, he'll work for a while and then he'll have to take off a month or two just to deal with his illness, with that said he surely won't have employee health insurance. Currently, he's using our state's medicaid, however once he turns 21 he's no longer eligible for medicaid. With the health care system being the way that it is, is there any possibility that he could continue receiving health care despite his ineligibility? He takes a ton of drugs daily, and even takes some of the same medications that our grandparents take lol. I know some of you heartless conservatives believe he should provide his own health coverage, but how? His drugs cost thousands, and he's in the ER constantly, thus making his health-care only affordable to extremely rich individuals. When healthy, he does contribute as much as he possibly can, however for someone in his condition it would be downright shameful if he can't continue to receive any healthcare.""
Auto Insurance Question/Teen Driver?
Our teen is about to get his learner's permit. At what point am I obligated to notify my auto insurance company that our son is now a driver.....when he gets his learner's permit or when he gets his actual driver's license? I'm wondering at what point my rates will increase as a result of needing to insure my son. The state is Vermont. Thanks!
How much cheaper is insurance from G2 to G?
Hello, I am a 20 year old male driver with a G2 license. I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident. I was wondering how much cheaper getting a G would make my insurance? I haven't gotten around to it yet because I am far from a test center and I'm not sure if driving all the way there is worth it. Thanks in advance for answers.
I have a question about business insurance?
I just received the Insurance Premium Quote and General Commercial Liability from this Insurance company. In the last page they claim that their company is not licensed by the state of California (nonadmitted or surplus line). It says: The Insurer is not subject to the financial solvency regulation and enforcement which applies to California Licensed Insurers. The Insurer does not participate in any of the insurance guaranteed funds created by California Law. Therefore these funds can not pay your claims or protect your assets if the insurer becomes insolvent and is unable to make payments as promised . So I checked the www.insurance.ca.gov and this guys are there, as active. However, should I trust them? What this notice exactly mean?""
Can I have an estimate on my car insurance?
I am an 18 year old male, in the state of Pennsylvania who is gonna buy his own car. I have never been in a car accident or gotten a ticket in the past 2 years I've been behind the wheel (with my moms car). I also have State Farm insurance. Can someone let me know how much It would cost if I got a car insured under my moms insurance? Or maybe if it could be cheaper for me to get my own plan? Thank you!""
What is the best car and best insurance to go with?
I'm 20 years old new driver I know my insurance going to be high I'm taking A 6 hour road ready driving school but at the end what is the best car I'm not really into cars I'm much more into kind of truck sure enough that would be the best type of car and insurance car insurance that help new drivers not Kill they wallets / bank account
Quebec car insurance question?
does anyone know how much insurance would be on a Camaro for 17 year old im not sure which year of the camaro or like if its like 1 side or whatever im not to sure how that works but just roughly for a car like that how much would it cost? thank you
Who understands health insurances? please help?
Okay so im 22 and have no health insurance, i just started working, and at this company they offer health insurance for full time positions only and well i am part time. I have had swollen tonsils since i was fourteen and been hospitalized twice because it was so bad that literally both tonsils were smashed together (i know gross) well i guess the question is, i want to try to get a health insurance that will minimize extremely the cost of getting these suckers removed. I dont understand all the deductible talk. So which insurance do you think is affordable and might be the one for me and my need? Please any advice and suggestions will be appreciated. Its a constant pain to go to the doctors and just come out with antibiotics which i guess take the pain but im not lying when i say that they are everyday permanently swollen. Please and Thank you.""
How to find health insurance for a pregnant mother?
how can i get health insurance if im already pregnant or is there other affordable options available
How much should i be paying for car insurance?
I'm a 18 yr old male...driving a 94 Pontiac Firebird. How much should i be spending? appreciate the help. [ my GPA is 3.6 if that has anything 2 do with it]
Benefits on no Claims on car Insurance?
to the insurer, would you appear as a safe risk? would your future insurance be cheaper? thoughts pls""
What's the best site for cheap bike insurance ?
need to insurance my moped but want to make sure I get a good deal and cheap, any ideas ? thanks 
Health and Auto Insurance?
I'm 25 and have no health insurance, and am still on my parents auto insurance. I would like just the basic for both - I can't really afford anything but the minimum. Any suggestions besides 1-800-safeauto? Affordability is the only thing I care about.""
What would my insurance company do if I told them I'm derestricting my moped?
Hi, I'm not a stupid driver or irresponsible, it's just I work so I have to drive 15 miles to and from work (I'm 16) and I know it's illeagle to derestrict my 50cc moped but I could really do with abit more speed without being caught, so if I told my insurance company that I'm 16 and derestricting my moped, would they still cover me or cancel my insurance? I'm a sensible driver! Thanks in advance""
Will my insurance go up if we get another car?
Ok, so im 16 and I want to know if my mom buys herself a new car and gives me her old one, will my insurance go from a part time driver to a full-time driver, EVEN if BOTH cars are in HER name. So in total, there will be 3 cars, 1 my dad's(his name) and 2 my mom's(her name) I've heard many different answers, some of which say no, and some yes. If it helps, I live near Philadelphia PA. Thanks!""
Insurance on a 2006 Suzuki GS500F?
I am 16 years old, living in California. How much is collision insurance for the Suzuki GS500F? The minimal insurance possible?""
Is it worth it (in decreased insurance costs) to finish driver's ed after getting my license?
So, I got my license today, but I'm literally halfway through my driver's ed course. I was just thinking, if I pass the test, great, if not, I'll retake after the class and nbd. I honestly want to drop out since the classes are very repetitive and common-sense, and it's 15 hours I could be using on something else, but my mom disagrees... I know some insurances make you pay less if you've finished a course, but is it that significant that it would be worth it?""
What is The Best Life Insurance Policy?
What is The Best Life Insurance Policy? I am Looking For the Best Life Insurance Policy We are having another child and I have to do something about not having any life insurance Can I get A free Online Life Insurance Policy Quote somewhere. Thanks for your time
Can you get car insurance for 1 day?
Im 18 years old and i have 1 years no claims. Is there a company that will insure me on a car for one day?
Can you buy car insurance for yourself if you are under 18?
I'm under 18 and my boyfriend wants to buy a car for us. The car will be under his name. He doesn't have a license so he will need me to be the sole driver of the car. Is it possible for me to buy car insurance since I'm underage?
""Regarding NJ Law. If I suspend Auto Insurance on my car, do I have to surrender the plates to the MVC?""
I have a car that I seldom use now, can I keep the plates on the car with no insurance policy. And if I need to use this car, reactivate my auto policy for those specific days. Is this legal? I know in some states it is and in some not. If I do suspend insurance and I do have to surrender the plates, how long do I have till the MVC penalizes me?""
What laws if any must car insurance companies follow when responding to a claim?
It seems that the only remedy if an insurance claim in Ontario cannot be resolved is to take the issue to court. The average driver may not be aware of any legislation that may force insurance companies to meet certain deadlines.
Should I really get insurance for my car?
I am thinking about getting a cheaper and older car just for going to and from work. Should I really get insurance for it?
Health care bill will make health services more affordable and of higer quality?
why would it? can anyone give me a paragraph on why and why these things happen?
Can I add a motorcycle to my car insurance policy without them rechecking my points?
I want to buy a motorcycle and add it to my insurance but when I got insurance I only had 4 points. Now I unfortunately have 6 points (3 points come off in 10 months) and I probably cannot afford to pay for insurance that high. A few months ago I asked them if I could switch the car I drive now out for a different car and they said that was fine and that they would not recheck my points but would just give me a new, higher rate (since it was a better car) while only including the 4 points. So is it possible to just add a motorcycle to my existing policy while only continuing to pay for 4 points? Thank you very much. (I know I can call and ask the insurance company myself but I can't call them because I will be extremely busy for the next few days so I was hoping to get a quicker answer on here if anyone knows) thank you!! :)""
Where can i get affordable health insurance for less than 100 dollars a month?
just for me. i dont want a company that will take a week to decide..i want something fairly fast...can anyone help/? thanks
Car Insurance weird Price? help?
okay im 23 years old been had my drivers license for 3 years. im searching to insurance a 973cc corsa my quote has come 1700 so i thought i make my dad main driver and put it on his name his been driving for 18 years and with 9 ncb the insurance came up to 2500 ? whats happening here my dad hasnt had no claims on his insurance
How to get auto insurance quote/ estimate without a car?
I am doing a research, and heard that ur insurance can be based on not just the model but the color of the car. I want to know how to get an estimate based on vehicle, model. So that I can make a diligent choice when purchasing my new car.""
How much cheaper is insurance from G2 to G?
Hello, I am a 20 year old male driver with a G2 license. I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident. I was wondering how much cheaper getting a G would make my insurance? I haven't gotten around to it yet because I am far from a test center and I'm not sure if driving all the way there is worth it. Thanks in advance for answers.
Cheapest car to insure/ run in UK for a 21 year old female?
Someone said Renault Clio. Then someone said no, because they're branded boy racers. Then someone said Vauxhall Corsa. But then they're supposed to break down frequently. I don't like Ford Ka's or Micra's. Help me please! Aha x""
Convertible insurance?
I'm a new driver and have been browsing car dealerships for an affordable car. Right now I'm interested in a 1998 Chrysler Sebring Convertible LX. I was just wondering on average how much more insurance is for a convertible than a non-convertible?
Im 15 and how much am i looking forward to pay on my car insurance? The car is a 2005 chrysler 300c?
It's a black car V6 engine i live in the city it will be parked in the garage and we have a low crime rate in the city ? i would like specific answers or similar stories?
Is there anyway to avoid paying my 1000 dollar deductible on my Car Insurance?
I recently changed my deductible to 1000 dollars on my car insurance, and sure enough, got some dents on the front of my car sliding into a tree during bad road conditions. Is there ...show more""
Car insurance company wont pay for my car? /:?
I got into an accident like 6 or 7 months ago. I was making a legal left hand turn and she tried to pass me on the left while I was making that left and obviously she hit me. she lied to the police and said I was pulling out from the shoulder and I didn't look to see her coming and the officer believed me and wrote my story down on the report cuz that's actually what happened lol. her insurance company (Geico) is obviously taking her side cuz they don't want to pay and even though they have the police report they are only paying me 50% and that's just unacceptable. Is there anything I can do to make them pay for at least 75% of it?( besides eyewitnesses cuz there were none )
How much does car insurance cost?
Do you know how much does auto insurance cost if I am 24 years years old, just got my license, I am from New York City, I drive a 2001 Toyota Celica and I am not married. Where can I go to find out the best quote? What car insurance company is the best and cheapest? Thanks!""
I am looking for my auto insurance statement so I can see if my husband paid our insurance?
where do i go on the net so that I can view our previous payments on our insurance
Do I have to transfer my car to get an insurance discount?.?
I'm moving back home for the school year because my parents live in the city I'm attending University at. I have my own car and my dad was telling me I should probably transfer the car into his name for ease, as I would get the house hold discount rate. To me this doesn't make any sense, and I know how controlling my parents are, is this another way for him to have some control on me?.. Or is this legit?.. I've never had any special rate or whatnot, I've been paying my own insurance since my first car. I just want to know. Does he need to OWN my car before I can be put on the household discount? * Both of our insurance plans are state farm if that helps* - Thanks in advance.""
Do you know of a good health insurance plan?
I need to find a plan that is affordable outside a group plan or is there a group plan available to me? I do not want the discount card type of plan I want an actual insurance policy accepted by many doctors and hospitals. 80/20 coverage is great with annual deductible choices.
""What the best, and cheapest car insurance to get full coverage on??""
I moved to another state, need to change insurance companies, and have a 2000 pontiac sunfire.. its still in good shape and would like full coverage. What the BEST, and cheapest insurance to get full coverage on??""
What is a 1989-94 Nissan 240sx considered as?
Sports car, classic, what? I mean what would the car insurance consider it as? Serious question, mature answers please. Thanks!""
Private health insurance = cheaper and better care?
Statistics show that US citizens pay almost exactly 2X per capita for health care compared to countries with government-supplied general health care. As with so much of our ...show more
Need help with auto insurance!!!?
Hello everyone. I'm from Sacramento/Elk Grove, California. I'm currently insured with Bristol West Auto Insurance for the past 3 years. I'm planning to switch auto insurance because it's really really hard to get a hold of customer service. And when you do, (after 1 hour of holding) they'll put you on hold some more, or even tell you they'll call you back. Which they never will. My point is BW customer service is very very crappy. I need help choosing an auto insurance company that's reputable but yet affordable. Considering the fact that I have an SR22 on file, low rates is my main focus. The lower, the better. I'm planning to insure 4 vehicles (1 is temporary until car get smogged) and 3 drivers. We all have good driving record, inspite of my dropped DUI case. Three of the cars are years '91 and under. Mines is a '98. If anyone have any information (site/link/etc.) or knows any good auto insurance company, please do let me know. Thanks in advance and any input in greatly appreciated.""
What is the cheapest way to get insurance with a friends car?
I'm already practising my driving lessons and theory. Once I pass what's the best and cheap way to be insured.
Affordable car insurance/ college student. please answer =]?
hey everyone! i am looking for some car insurance! like... the most affordable i can find... for a 98 nissan. i am 18 years old, no accidents or tickets. and im a broke college student soooooo the cheaper the better, and just liability is fine. any suggestions? good/bad experiences? thank you!!""
""If my mom adds me onto her car insurance, about how much would it go up?""
I'm 17 Shes with GEICO Its a Buick Rendezvous SUV (2004) Our zip is 33312 (South florida, if this helps for those answering that may be in my area) I have a clean record B Average in school""
Would you say my insurance is going to right my car off......?
i had a crash the other day where i got hit in the passanger side door and the car then bounced up an fell down on a high curb aon the drivers side. so after everything was sorted out i drove it home. the insurance have said it was my fault anyway. so i have got a fiat punto evo 60 plate, 4500 miles on clock 3 door. it cost me in april 10,995 to buy. So its been in a body shop got an estimate of 5300 to fix it and i have an excess of 1150. The body shop thinks its going to be a right off?? i am just wondering what your veiws are? thanks""
Why do health insurance companies care what type of doctor you see?
My health insurance is awful. It doesn't cover anything I need and I wonder why they'll offer so much to pay for one type of specialist, but none for another type. If they are willing to pay the money for one type of care, why does it matter if you want a different type of care, worth the same amount. Why does it matter what care you're getting? If you're sick, and need help, isn't that what insurance is for? Right now I need to see two doctors to treat bipolar disorder, but it's not covered at all. But if I see a doctor about my physical health, they'll pay 80%. My physical health is fine, all I need is payment for mental health therapy and medication. They don't pay for mental health medicine either. I've had the same insurance for many years before having this issue. I never actually used it, and now that I need it doesn't help me at all.""
Mustang GT car insurance?
Hey in 16 and im looking at buying a 1994-2005 Mustang GT. I like working on cars and this car seems to me an awesome car to work on. I just wanted to know how much people pay for insurance with a mustang GT. Also how much more would it cost because i am 16.
Got rear ended my rates will go up?
Tonight I was sitting at a red light when I heard breaks screeching and before I had time to see where it was coming from I was rear ended by a tow truck. I just got my car yesterday a honda passport, the only thing that saved my car from severe damage was the spare tire on the bottom of my car by the bumper. The damage is not too bad the bumber has been pushed to the side and there is a gap along with some gouges on the bumper. The cop did not give police report to me as he said I would not need it in the state of florida for a claim but he warned me that my insurance premiums could possibly go up if i file a claim. I have full coverage insurance, Why would my premium go up?? When I called my insurance company they said to wait for the claims department to contact me. I was rear ended 4 years ago and I got a lawyer only because the damage and injuries were bad, This is not even close to being as severe as far as damage and injuries go. I only have a slight head ache and some moments of intense pain in my neck and upper back. Should I consider a lawyer?""
Does this guy need a license and insurance?
Someone's advertising a fitness class in the local park, for 5 an hour. He claims he's a personal trainer. Does he need a license, permission to train in the park because technically he's running a business, and insurance to run the group??""
Dodge charger car insurance?
How much of a difference in car insurance would there be between my 1998 Honda Accord and a 2007 Dodge Charger? Im a 17 year old male. Please dont answer unless u know wat ur talking about.
Should i get insurance or not?
Im a 17 year old girl and i recently passed my driving test in the middle of October. I've bought myself a Corsa and found that the cheapest insurance is 1500. My mum is going to pay half of this aslong as i pay the other half, tax, mot and petrol which i think is completely reasonable. I can afford all this with money I get through college, but it leaves me with pretty much zero to spare. I've applied for about 30 jobs and have got either turned down or simply no answer back. Im someone that likes to have money but i also want the freedom of being able to jump in my car and go wherever I want. Do you think I should go for it? Or wait until i find a job which will enable me to have more income?""
How much national insurance contributions will I need to pay to fill a two year gap?
I have a two year gap in national insurance contributions as I was taking care of a sick relative and not claiming any benefits as other family members were supporting me. What is the minimum amount I should pay to fill the gap.
Would motorcycle insurance be cheaper if I get an M1 now and not drive?
Should I get motorcycle insurance under my parents name? Or should I just get the license and wait? Anyone know a good/cheap company for insurance? I'm 21 and live in Toronto. Thinking of getting a 2007 CBR1000RR.
How much cheaper is insurance from G2 to G?
Hello, I am a 20 year old male driver with a G2 license. I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident. I was wondering how much cheaper getting a G would make my insurance? I haven't gotten around to it yet because I am far from a test center and I'm not sure if driving all the way there is worth it. Thanks in advance for answers.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/tip-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-ma-michael-wilcox/"
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state farm insurance quotes charlotte
"state farm insurance quotes charlotte
state farm insurance quotes charlotte
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecost.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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What is the cheapest anyone my age (17) has got their car insurance, what car and how did you get it cheap? The best quote I have got is 1200 for a 1.0 litre saxo, and 1700 for 1.0 litre polo's, corsa's and fiesta's""
Can I sue my auto insurance company?
i Switch insurance companies back in Feb. of this year. The new insurance company never filed the paperwork with the DVM. As a result my car was impounded because it said that i wasn't insured. However every month auto insurance was being taken out of my account as an EFT. Now i need a rental, lose a day of work to go to traffic court, and i don't have a car for the weekend. I am being inconvenienced for no fault of my own.""
How much would car insurance be for me? I'm am 16 years old and get overall good grades.?
Some other things that might help are, - 16 year old Male - It will be under my parents credit/name ( They have Allstate ) - I would be driving my dads 2004 Ford Explorer (Once in a while his 2011 Nissan Altima) - Like I said, overall good grades - I live in Tooele Utah Please give my positive answers! Thanks!""
Insurance for a honda civic?
I am 16 years old getting insurance for the first time got my licence a week ago never driven on it.....i want the simplest insurance ever something that will let me drive my car legally
""Any opinions on AUTO INSURANCE in Providence, RI? cheap prices?
cheap prices
I need affordable health insurance?
I live in Monmouth Co., NJ, and I need to find affordable health insurance. I was covered under my parents insurance when I was in college, but I am now 22, and own my own home w/ my fiance. My job does not offer health insurance, but I make a decent amount of $ there. I am getting married in 2008, so I will be covered under my spouse's insurance then, but I need to go to the dr. now! Nothing life threatning, but I would like to have the piece of mind knowing, god forbid, if anything happened. Please help!""
Any cheap insurance companys?
i am 22 been driving for 2 years looking to buy a 1.0L corsa ls but struggling to to find cheap insurance. i tried all the comparison sites ie gocompare confused beatthemarket but still cant get below 1k yet my first car i had when i first passed my test was also a corsa but a 1.2l engine and only cost 600 to insure so need a good company as i cant work out why my insurance is going up rather then down even though i have no driving convictions or never had to claim. i never had a parking ticket lol.
Where to get cheap insurance for at risk drivers?
Well I had an 08 chevy cobalt (dad was paying for it) & me & my friends were always stupid & I was always doing stupid things. Totaled it. & I got 5 points on my license. I got a Job & my mom agreed shed pay for half the payments on a car. I liked the 2013 dodge darts bc they were really good on gas, looked cool, & had a lot of room. Well the insurance for that was gonna be 900 a month through Allstate. Which is crazy. I can afford 1-150 a month for insurance. Anywhere I could go to get a cheap car insurance? Within my price range for an at risk driver? & I probably won't buy the dart, I was thinking like an 07 civic or eclipse or something on the lines of that""
Where do i apply for free state insurance in the state of Georgia?
i dont have health insurance and cant afford insurance
How does my insurance calculate the value of my classic car?
i have two classic cars, a 66 mustang and a 70 pontiac tempest. both are daily drivers and both have full coverage on my auto insurance policy. my question is: how will my insurance company (mercury) calculate the value of my cars if they are wrecked or stolen? bluebook doesn't list cars older then 1992. is there a website i can check? how will my insurance determine the value at the time of loss?""
Sr-22's in southern California?
I just want to know what carrying one in the state of California does for me. My license was suspended in Chicago for parking tickets, and before I can get it back, I must rectify this. But before I have the 5 grand to do so, my mother mentioned looking into an SR22, citing something about being able to recieve limited driving priviledges. The DMV is closed, and this is bugging me, so I thought I'd ask you guys. I appreciate any help that anyone has to offer.""
How much will my car insurance probably be?
I'm 17 and one speeding ticket that resulted in four points on my record. I drive a white 545i bmw 2005, I rlly need to know bc I mite need to sale my car. Thanks""
Motorcycle insurance for 16 year old?
Just wondering, how much would motorcycle insurance be monthly for a 16 year old, living in NY, say with a 500-600 cc engine bike?""
What height/weight ratio will get me best life insurance rates?
I want to replace some ART life insurance with level term. But I'm worried my weight relative to height might keep me from the best rate. Is there some way to find out what numbers trigger higher risk? If so I might wait another year and try to lose 10-20 lbs.
""I have the title to and own my car, does ohio still require that i carry state minimum insurance?
i heard on a radio show that if you had the title to your car you don't need to have collision or comprehensive insurance
state farm insurance quotes charlotte
state farm insurance quotes charlotte
Insurance or Registration?
I can only aford one or the other. I live in a very expensive state, california. I can only aford either insurance or car registration. am i better of to drive with insurance and no registration, or registration and no insurance.""
Are there private health insurance industries in countries w/universal(rationed) healthcare...?
Just wondering, because I thought I would have heard about it by now if that were the case. Hope Obum will make sure HC doesn't go fully national, and makes sure a private health insurance industry affordable to the middle class always exists. What say you?""
Whats the top 10 cars cheap on insurance for a boys first car (17yrs)?
can i not have any resent cars that have just came out even thought they are good on insurance i just don't like them can i have cars like the austin mini cooper 90's or the beetle, cars like that please.""
Isn't it patriotic to want all Americans to have access to affordable healthcare?
Isn't it patriotic to want all Americans to have access to affordable healthcare?
How to get insurance to buy a car?
Im about to be 18, and have some saved money to buy a new, cheap car to get me to school/work, but Im a little confused. Ive never done this before and have to all alone now. I know I need insurance on the car to buy it legally, but I'm not sure how to get car insurance coverage first. Do I call my preferred future insurance provider and tell them I need insurance proof for a car Im about to buy? Im not really sure what to do, anybody understand that can help?""
Car insurance help please?
hi well im 30 and just would like to know when i pass my driving test in uk will my insurance be cheap as i am 30 years old or will it still be high as i have no experiance on the road cus i want a golf gti or shall i op for the 1.4 :(
Car insurance for a young driver?
I Live in NSW Australia and I am getting a car for my 16th birthday..I will also only be on my lurners permits (L Plates). I was thinking about getting a 4 scylinder 80s modle celica. but I have been told because its a 2 door sports car the insurance will be verry high for someone who is 16. is this true..and are there any things I realy should know?
Car insurance????
is it higher insurance in illinois to have a 2 door car???
Good mobile insurance companies?
I'm getting an iPhone 4S and I want to feel as though I've got back up if something went wrong (I'm very clumsy too at times) and I've been through lists of insurance companies and they're either too expensive or have bad reviews about 'receiving refurbished phones' Can some one tell me a good company they know of under 7 per month and/or even better someone whose had a claim and they were a good company?! Really stressing out!
Does my dad lose his no claims if I'm added to his car insurance?
I have a query about car insurance. When I passed my test last May, I was told that if I was to have my dad as the main driver, and me as the named driver, and my dad has 9 years or more no claims, then they would have to be reset to 0 years when i am added to the insurance, is this true? if it is, then i'm going to have to stick with the ridiculous insurance quotes... if not, then i've just realised that i could be saving myself 1000! Any opinions appreciated! :)""
I need as much help and info about mopeds (UK) as possible please!?
What are the best types/ names of mopeds suitable for a girl? Do you have to take a test or lessons to drive a moped? If so how much does this cost? How much on average would insurance be for an 18 year old first time driver for a moped? How fast can mopeds go, and can you drive them on motorways? Any other useful information would be appreciated, thanks if you can help!""
What is the ball park annual cost of running a standard used car including all expenses and repairs?
Including registration, tax, insurance, maintenance, repairs, oil changes and cost of buying a used car what is the ball park annual cost on a standard size and model vehicle""
How much is your car insurance? Do u have full coverage? What company do u have?
What state u live in? Do u also have Roadside assistance?
I need cheap car insurance for Astra SRI 1.8 58 plate. I'm female with full license for 4 years.?
I use car for school run and shopping only and I park it on the street outside my house. I am 32 years old and female. Any help would be great as car insurance is beyond expensive. Thanks
How much would car insurance would cost for a 16 year old?
Okay so i need to know how much would the insurence about be for a 16 year old driving a 2005 Mazda Rx-8 4 door coupe manual? Please help
I just got my license but no insurance?
i got my license few weeks ago and i would like to start driving my parents car , they have insurance under there name but not mine yet, and my dad doesnt want to add me on there till later on due to the cost, so will i be able to drive their car with the insurance under their name ? I live in Cali, LA. thank you""
SSN check for auto insurance - WHY ?
I've received a number of answers for the question. It seems that in a number of cases the quote that's received depends on how good or bad your credit is. What's the difference if someone has bad credit, as long as he's a good driver? Insurance premiums are paid in advance so why the credit check ?""
What are california's car insurance laws?
Im a new driver and was wondering if its a type of insurance i need. I only have Liability on my car nothing else am i ok if i get pulled over and asked for proof of insurance??
What makes car insurance cheap?
What makes car insurance cheap?
What car insurance is best/cheapest?
I am going to be getting a used car from my uncle and would like to know your opinion on what car insurance to get. My parents wont put me on their plan(this is my first car btw) so I have to get my own. I need a cheaper plan considering I only work during the summer as of now(thinking of getting a job on my college campus next semester). Any help would be good(your experience etc) I tried going onto the General insurance website(commercials say their cheap) for a quote but they keep on sending me to a Geico website, has anyone else had this problem? Thanks in advance for answering.(BTW I am a girl, I know that we get cheeper insurance typically for some reason lol and I also went through drivers ed in the past and I know most companies will give me a discount for that)""
Will this help save on car insurance?
My husband and I need a second car because I got a job way across town and with school coming up, we have completely different schedules... So I was thinking of only putting my name on the title and the insurance for the new car because my husband has an accident on record and our rates went up. Secondly, would it be beneficial to take my name off our current car and insurance so that it will be only in his name? Could this help save money with our insurance? Sorry if this is a gay question, just trying to save us a little extra money to put away in savings""
How much would it cost to own a porsche boxter a year? pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... answer. i beg to you?
a 2007 model, 3.5l, if i drive around 20000 miles a year. include insurance, tax, maintenance, repairs, etc. would 5000 british pounds be enough""
Making 40k a yearm take home 2500 monthly after taxes and insurance. How much rent can I afford?
Can I afford 750 amonth making 40k a year? I have a car note of 300, cell phone, car insurance no credit card debt. It's really nice and I've looked it has black appliances, ...show more""
Adding a Black Box to my Car Insurance?
I am a new, young driver, and in order to reduce the cost of car insurance I am looking into the Black Box (I am aware of both the benefits and drawbacks). However, when finding a ...show more""
07 honda civic Si insurance?
hello peps...i hav a 07 honda civic Si coupe and its red T_T..actually its kinda dark orange...i was wondering how much do i hav to pay for the insurance for it...we hav 3 cars insured right now NOT including the civic yet...my dad plans to insure it with him as the primary driver cuz im still 19 and it will prolly make the price higher....
state farm insurance quotes charlotte
state farm insurance quotes charlotte
How much will the insurance company give me for my car?
i was crashed into by another driver who has accepted full responsibility, my car was a vw polo 1.2 e it had done 55,000 miles and was a 53 plate. does anyone know how much they will offer me? im really worried im going to get completely ripped off and i only brought it a few months ago and the crash wasn't my fault at all. thanx for any help :)""
Affordable Health Insurance in California?
I'm really sick and I went to the doctor's office yesterday to see what I had. I was under Medical but the doctor said he couldn't see me because I had to pay $795 dollars monthly for them to see. I don't understand why I would pay so much, I'm 20 years old, a single mother, and a full-time student. I work too, but my income is less than $1200 monthly. Has this happened to anyone? My baby is still covered by medical but I would like to find an affordable health insurance for the two of us... does anyone know of one? thank you [:""
What should my health insurance premium be?
If I am a single, healthy 36 year old non smoker in Florida with a low deductible and good coverage....can you give me some idea of what my premium should be? Because I am worried I may be getting ripped off and my premium is set to go even higher next month. I will soon be paying almost $250 a month... does that sound normal?? Can anyone give me some estimates or ideas? Thanks.""
Can car insurance companies discover speed camera tickets?
Long story short: Do I need to tell the car insurance companies about speed camera tickets I received? I read that lying to car insurance companies is a good way to get your insurance canceled, or claim denied. I know that they check what you say on the application. If these were regular speeding tickets, I would have no question that they need to be reported, because it's on my record. But these are from a speed camera. The citation says it cannot be used to increase my car insurance rates, and that it will not add points to my record. All my friends say they don't report it. Despite that, Travelers said these do count, and denied providing a quote because I have had three speed camera tickets in the past three years. Is this information even present on my driver's record? Is this something they can verify? More importantly, could they deny a claim I make for failing to tell them about these tickets?""
California insurance program help!!!!!?
i applied for insurance with them and they sent me back a letter saying i didnt qualify because i wasnt licensed continuously for prev 3 years.....ive been driving since i was 16 and now im 22 i had tickets prior but recently i obtained a dmv record and all of them are cleared ......but my license was suspened when i was 19-20 do you beleive this could have been why i was rejected?????
Car accident-how much will my insurance premium go up?
I was in a car accident today, driving the speed limit at about 30 miles per hour in a residential neighboorhood, not paying attention and struck the car to the left of me, damaging the driver's door of my car and the other car's passenger door. He was driving his company's truck. I already have an accident on my record from 1/06 that was my fault (not a huge accident, but not a super minor one, no injuries). Today's accident caused no injuries. I can tell my car door and the front bumper will need replacing. I assume that the other car needs the passenger door replaced. My annual insurance premium is $3,240, but last month a traffic ticket just came off my record. My car is a four door 2004 Honda & I am a 42 year old female who lives in Fremont, CA. I'm fearful my monthly car insurance payment will go up a lot! Does anyone know how much it will go up? Thank you so much!""
How do I get a car registered which has no papers/plates and has sat for years?
I responded to a newspaper ad recently and bought a 1971 vw beetle. The car had no plates and no paperwork that I could find. There were several telltale signs that the car had sat a number of years, but I understood it to be a project. The seller said he had originally bought it at auction with the intent of using its (good) engine for a sand rail dune buggy, but that like many other good plans requires time. Once paid for, I was provided no bill of sale which I feel I was owed. It was as if the seller felt that since he had let the car go very cheap, that he owed no person any more, and if he did, he should've either charged more or wrecked it instead. Like he could have gone to the trouble but would be put out for something extraneous. The seller has a shop in an easy to find location, so it is not as if I cannot find him, and he doesn't appear to be trying to hide, hes just a strangely irritable and crotchety person.""
""Why am I getting quoted 11,000 for 1.0L third party only car insurance?""
I am 17 years old (male) and have just passed my driving test. I was supposed to purchase a 2010 Citroen C1 5 door with a 1.0L engine today but had a look at the insurance first. This tiny, under powered pathetic excuse of a car is probably the most insurance friendly car I could think of yet on all the car insurance sites like go compare and confused the lowest quotes were 11,000. What am I doing wrong? I have been able to choose all the best stuff like locked in a garage at night, the highest excess, low annual mileage etc There is nothing in my details that would be counter productive for a low insurance quote. This is only third party as well, if I was to have a bump my car wouldn't even be covered! I need to be driving by christmas, I don't even care that much about what car I have to drive (hence the C1) as long as it isn't too old. Just anything that I will get a realistic quote on. Any advice? Maybe I am doing something wrong here. Thanks!""
Can the color of a car affect insurance rates?
Can the color of a car affect insurance rates?
Do you get your credit checked for car insurance quotes?
Do you get your credit checked for car insurance quotes?
Non owners insurance in california?
i am considering non-owners insurance for a car. however, if i drive my friend's car, their insurance policy will cover me. 1) what is the point of getting non-owners insurance, if non-owners insurance already assumes that i don't have frequent access to a car, and my friend's policy will cover me, also assuming i don't have frequent access to his car? also, i know, in the case of an at-fault accident with my friend's car, and assuming i have non-owners insurance, my friend's insurance will kick in first, then my non-owners insurance will cover what's missing. 2) what's the point of non-owner's, if my friend's limits are high enough already? 3) won't my friend's insurance increase since his insurance company had to pay? 4) if my friend's insurance increases, then what does the non-owner's insurance cover/protect??""
Cheap auto insurance for a new driver?
Are there any auto insurance companies which offer rates to their younger customers at anywhere between $100-$250 a month? I've been looking around and every insurance company I check with wants to charge me $500-$900 a month, which is ridiculously out of my budget. It would end up costing more in a year than I plan on spending on my car in total and more a month than my family is paying off on our few year old Kia Soul. I'm aware that having a newer car like a Soul raises my insurance prices, but I don't want to buy another, hopefully crappier, car until I'm sure that I can pay insurance to drive it. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?""
Can my car insurance company raise my rates if my CA Drivers License was put on hold?
I'm just curious. Can they do that? I was pulled over in 2010 for driving without car insurance or registration and I was given a ticket. I never paid it (I didn't have the money at the time but I just paid it off as of Jan 2013) and I got a notice from the DMV saying my DL was going to be placed on hold (basically suspended) until I paid it then it would be released. At the time I found this out I was trying to insure my new car, and the company told me because of that my rates go up. I've seen my DMV record, it does state that my DL was placed on hold, but it didn't cost me any points. So I still have 0 points on my driving record. Can the charge me more for that? Also no judgement please, I dont want to go into a long story. The ticket from 2010 is a long story and partially caused by a controlling abusive ex. He is now gone, and I am almost finished cleaning up the wreckage he caused, the ticket being one of them.""
Home insurance?
I am buying a home. How do I find a home insurance company? Will my mortgage company help me with that?
How much is insurance if...?
I am 16, female and driving a sports car [[camaro]]? please give an average for texas and several different companys!""
How much would my insurance on my new car cost?
I am about to buy my first car but need to know what insurance will cost on my parents plan. The car is a used 2004 Mazda rx-8 and our insurance company is State Farm. My parents have perfect driving records outside of my dads 2 speeding tickets but those were over 2 years ago. I am a 16 year old male by the way, and I think that's it as far as Information goes. I have worked my a** for over a year trying to get enough money for a decent car and i would be pretty mad if insurance is 1500-2000 a year.""
Does anyone know of a car insurance that can give you a policy without a down payment?
I live in miami fl my car insurance expired on 2/26/12 i don't have money for the renewal does anyone know of any car insurance company that can except me with out a down payment please i need help and at this ponit i need to take what i can for my car before it to late???
How do I enforce my rights according to Ca Auto Ins. Law without an attorney.?
Their insurance accepted fault immediately. I have rights according to CA Auto Ins. Law, but Geico acts like they do not have to adhere to my rights under California Insurance law. The CA Ins board is watching, but they will not answer this and other questions.""
I Need Health Insurance?
I am currently 19years of age and a full time college student. I am not working but I need to find affordable health coverage. My insurance ran out as soon as i turned 19 and what i paid before was about 10 dollars a month because i was a orphan or something like that of the state. what should i do? even if i get a job now i cannot afford to pay 200 dollars and upwards a month.
I need to find a good Car no older then lets say 1999! Thats good on Gas and low Insurance! Low Price $5000 <!
Hi my name is James. I am a college student and I am looking for a used car to get me through college and maybe Further! I am hoping to spend under $5000 Dollars. I need it to be able to have a lower insurance rate then lets say a sports car. I also need something thats has a very good fuel efficacy! I am a tall guy but can fit into any thing! So if any of you know of a car that looks almost good has good gas millage and is not too expensive on car insurance let me know! ASAP!!!!!! Oh and this car not one I want to buy online or privately. It is one I want to buy from a car dealer ship this is just to help me lock down my search!
""Where can I find the absolute cheapest auto insurance in Kennwick, WA?""
I need cheap basic liability auto insurance for my car, who can help?""
Are car insurance rates adjusted by occupation now?
I just got done reading this article on car insurance and occupation at http://www.consumerbadcreditguide.com/carinsurance.html What do you think about this?
How much for car insurance?
My mom told me to look for my first car and I found a 2002 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS, Silver, non-convertible, and i asked her if it was ok. She said that the it is considered a sports car because it is a coupe and insurance will be high, it has 2 seats in the back but it is a 2 door....can somebody tell me if insurance will actually be high for me...im 16 and ive never been a accident Thanks!""
Should i get insurance for my first car? Where can i get CHEAP car insurance? I live in Aus.?
Should i get insurance for my first car? Where can i get CHEAP car insurance? I live in Aus. I am looking at buying a s13 non turbo at 11k. when i looked for a quote the minimum was like 5k which i do not have the money seeing as i am going to have to get a loan for my car.
How much does a sixteen year old in BC pay for car insurance?
The car is an 87 porsche 944. my grades are less than satisfactory. i am expecting high numbers. i make $9.50 an hour working ten hours a week. also, is it even possible for me to pay the insurance along with gas and income tax? (car takes approx. 20 mpg) i drive about 30 miles a week.""
state farm insurance quotes charlotte
state farm insurance quotes charlotte
Question about insurance liabilty when driving a drunk friend home in his car?
My friend asked me to drive his car for him to pick him up because he was drinking. I picked him up and on the way home got into a fender bender at my fault. His insurance paid for the damages done to the other vehicle, but he does not have complete coverage for his car and wants me to cover 800 dollars in damages done to his vehicle. I do not feel responsible for this. I have minimum coverage. Will he be able to take me to claims court? Am I liable for his damages?""
Will this make my car insurance rates go up?
On Sunday, I was at Home Depot. I came out of the store to discover some ****** hit my car with a metal shopping car, leaving orange paint down the side and a good sized dent. Two witnesses came up to me and gave me a description of the car and the license plate number. I don't want to pay a deductible, I want this jerk to pay for it. If I call my insurance and tell them about it, will my rates go up? How else can I get this guys information to take him to small claims court?""
What is the cost of insurance when renting a car in USA?
Hello, I want to rent a car. I do not own a car and nor the insurance. I want to know how much I have to pay for the insurance cost. I am above 25yrs of age. Thanks.""
What is the *cheapest* car insurance for a 20 year old female driver in TX?
I'm going to pay. I don't have any close family that can put me under their insurance, so please give me the CHEAPEST choice... Thank you.""
Average cost of insurance?
what would be the average cost of insurance for a 16 year old male in georgia with an 09 mustang? with a honda accord? with a dodge ram? i guess really with a safe new sports car (cause the new mustangs are 5 star in all but one thing where they hav a 4 star in safety), with a new sedan, and with a new truck? thanks. and also how much might taking extra classes help lower the insurance? i mean defensive driving classes. and would being an eagle scout help any? i really don't know so im just thinking of things that might help. thanks""
Car insurance legal team?
Do you have to use the legal team that comes with your car insurance or can you choose an independent one? Had an accident and am not happy with the insurance company's attitude - we had a rear end collision.
Insurance with car or person in Georgia?
My wife has been allowing her father to use her car to work as a pizza delivery man while his car is getting fixed. We don't have her car listed as a business vehicle, but he says that if he wrecks it his insurance will cover it. I'm not sure if he is correct or not, but I don't know the law in Georgia. I'm afraid he'll get in a wreck and we'll get sued or have our insurance policy canceled. Is he correct? Thanks.""
Does mods affect car insurance?
Hey guys I have a honda civic 2000 and i was going to to add some mods such as an intake and a BOV as well as body kit and other engine modifications. I was just wondering what would happen if i didn't tell my car insurance provider about these what would happen?
Insurance for scooter?
I am thinking of getting a 125cc scooter to save gas this summer. Do I need insurance for the scooter? Then it would defeat the purpose for me
Do car insurance rates increase because of family visiting?
Hello there. I was wondering if anybody ever heard about car insurance rates increasing because of extra people in the house. My wife and I will be staying at my in-laws house for a few months and we have our own vehicles with insurance so therefore we will not be driving my in-laws car. HIs brother was told that his rate insurance will increase because of the extra people in the house. Does any of this sound right to you? Thanks. We ilve in florida.
Honda CBR125R Insurance rates or recommended agencies? 16 Year old male Ontario?
I have an 80% average in school and my parents have auto and home insurance with statefarm. Only 125cc 130km/h tops. first vehicle. Thanks
How long does it take for car insurances to determine fault?
I got into an accident a few days ago. It's pretty cut and dry that it was the other persons fault, however the police don't determine fault and leave it up to the insurance companies to figure out. Those who have been in a similair situation, how long from the time of the accident did it take for your insurance company to find fault in the accident. I'm curious because I'm having to pay a $1000 deductible and car rental fees. I want to make sure I get it back if its the other persons fault.""
Where can a 16 year old get cheap moped insurance?
I'm 16 a need a moped to commute to college. Where can I find an insurer that doesn't think that every teenager is a boy racer! I've had several years of cycling on the road, would that reduce my quote? Thanks :)""
How to get a good quote for my car insurance?
basically, i've got 1 year no claims with direct line car insurance for the past year( only 1 year driving experience). i was paying 85 for fully comprehensive, and was 24years old when applied for the insurance. i just received a letter from direct line for my renewal, and now it's gone up to 109. i was wondering what might cause it to increase, and if now am over 25years should i really inform them (if it's gonna make a difference). is it advisable to switch to another company for maybe cheaper deals?! p.s i have a vauxhall calibra year 1995""
Can my employer drop group health insurance coverage while I am pregnant?
I live in Oklahoma and I just found out that I am pregnant and my employer is considering dropping my group health insurance. Are there any laws that prevent me from being dropped? How do I continue my health insurance to cover my pregnancy?
Can you give me any car recommendations?
ok im a 16 year old boy turning 17 next month and my parents are buying me a car.they said that there are some requirements of their own 1.the oldest it could be is a 2005 model(i don't know why) and it needs to be with in our price range which is $10,000 to $20,000.i don't have many requirements just that it needs to have something where i can connect my ipod and phone to the car to play music or make a call and i don't want a honda or toyota because everyone has one of those in my area and at school(sorry if it sounds bratty but it kinda feels weird to me to have a car that most people have in my area). so what are some nice cars in our price range that would be a good first car.also my parents said the insurance cost doesn't matter.""
What is the best and most affordable whole life insurance i can get for my mother who is 77?
what's the best and most affordable whole life policy i can get for my mother who is 77 and has numerous health concerns?
What insurance company offers the cheapest insurance rates for teenagers?
after drivers ed, good student and other discounts..""
""For Americans, How do you feel about your current health system?""
Reason I ask, I saw a segment on television of people in the states lining up in a showground to receive basic health care, instead of clinics, I was horrified, is this the norm? In Australia we have Medicare & Private health insurance, the main difference is one is a bit more comfortable than the other, I would really like to hear your views.""
Can someone please explain how health insurance works to me?
Ok, I realize this question shows how ignorant I am about the real world, so I'm embarrassed but I have to be honest: I have no idea how health insurance works other than that it covers certain medical expenses! I'm just getting out of college so I am not used to having to deal with this. I know you pay a monthly fee, but what is a deductible? How does this work? For example, say a company charges $50/month with a $2,500 deductible fee...when would I have to pay the $2,500, if ever? I need the most affordable health insurance possible... I am really struggling with money at the moment. I am a U.S. citizen with a very very good health record. 22 yrs old and non-smoker. I plan to travel to Canada (Montral) and live there for about 6 months after I graduate. If I get health insurance in the U.S., will this cover me in Canada as well? Thank you for any info, it will really help me out a lot!""
Car insurance for teen?
ok so i am going to get my drivers license tommorrow, and my mom brought up the whole insurance thing. my question is, i dont have a car of my own yet so i would have to drive my mom's in her words (IF i let you drive at all)--how stupid is that?!? anyways. would she have to change anything about her insirance if im driving her car and have been since ive had my permit, or can she leave everything as it already is???""
What is a reasonable price for a teen's first car?
I'm hoping to get my license soon, but figure, there isn't a whole lot I can do with it without a car of my own. I'm really not sure how low the prices of cars get without being a piece of junk. Are there decent cars that start in the thousands, or is everything pretty much over ten thousand? What difference does it make if it's used? I'm not looking for a dream vehicle, just something for the next few years to get myself from a to b. The only knowledge I have so far is that my mom's toyota was around $30,000 brand new (and I'm definitely not looking to spend that much), so that's basically what I'm comparing everything else to. Any advice on the basics is greatly appreciated. Thanks!""
Is it possible to buy life insurance to insure the life of someone on death row?
Chances are, like in California, they'll just die of old age, so it's not that bad of a risk.""
Auto Insurance Claim.?
hi, i just got into a collision and it was my fault. the damages were minimal i know i am a auto body man myself. the other vehicle will be needing a bumper and right headlight +paint material+work hours (hourly rates vary by shop 25.-35.). i know my insurance will go up due to this collision but, i was planning on fileing a claim on sandblast on my truck i live here in the desert side of california and the free ways here can sometimes be very bad. i had painted my truck at my own shop about 7 months back my truck came out clean but, now its just sad there is little sand pits all over the front end not to mention the sides. Even after being in this collision, will i still be coverd for a sandblast claim?""
Is this considered Expensive Health Insurance????
This is my firsft full time job with insurance out of college now. I was wondering if you thought it was expensive since I am new to this. It is 186 a month and I make 2200 a month. It does seem pretty good though, is this decent insurance?... No deductible. Doctors visits: 100% paid after a $30 dollar co-pay for physicians and $45 for a specialist 100% paid rehab services (phys. therapy, chiropractic visits) after 30 dollar co-pay, for a max of 60 visits a year 1 eye exam every 2 years, 100% paid after a 30 dollar co pay Dental: no deductible or co-pay, 100% paid for preventative services (exam, xrays, fluoride). 90% paid for basic services (filiings). The max they pay per year is 1,000""
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Trove Fishing Bot
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viralhottopics · 7 years
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Everything You Need To Know About Choosing The Right Guy
The following is excerpted from the book Everything You Need To Know If You Want Love That Lasts.
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. ~ Bill Maher
All the relationship advice in the world wont make any difference if youre choosing the wrong guy. This is the step that often gets missed or overlooked. Women hammer away, trying to pound the proverbial square peg into a round hole, then wonder what theyre doing wrong, why they cant seem to make it fit, why they cant get the love they want. You cant turn a losing stock into a winning stock. You cant force someone to change and to want what you want. You cant convince someone to feel a certain way about you.
I spent way too long chasing after guys who wouldnt or couldnt give me what I wanted, and then I wondered what was wrong with me when it didnt get me lasting love! The problem was simple: I was choosing the wrong men. It sounds straightforward enough, but its a very tricky thing. We fall for these guys because it feels so right, because were swept up in the passion, the chemistry, and the intoxicating aura of unavailability; we get sucked into the space that exists when someone is just beyond our reach and it makes us yearn for him. We convince ourselves that this is it, that hes the one and we just need to make him see it.
This is where the problems develop. This is where all the questions and tears and doubt and uncertainties and fears start to consume you. You mistake these feelings for true love because maybe youve never felt this way before, and you think it must be because this guy is different and this relationship is meant to last.
This is just a glimpse into the confusion that ensues when you choose the wrong guy. If youre hung up on a man who cant commit or wont commit or who is mean to you or who is just a mean person in general, a guy with baggage, a guy with serious issues, a guy who you think would be perfect if only he changed such and such, then youre setting yourself up to lose before you even begin, and you are blocking yourself from ever finding the love you want.
Where Healthy Relationships Begin
Before we talk about what to look for in a guy, its important to look at how relationships begin. The start of a relationship can oftentimes color our lenses and sometimes lead us down a bad path and into a toxic relationship.
Here’s a situation that may sound familiar to you (it was certainly a recurring theme for me in my single life!) You meet someone, something clicks, and suddenly it feels like a force outside of you has taken over.
After this encounter you can’tfor the life of youget this guy out of your head. You try to think about other things but nothing works. You ruminate over every detail of your interaction with himwhat he said, what you said, what his body language said. You think about the things you wish you had said.
You check your phone constantly to see if he called or texted. If he does, your stomach drops, your heart races, you want to leap off your seat and shout for joy. And then of course you need to figure out the exact right thing to say back to him, the perfect quip to show him that you’re perfect for each other.
The high continues as you venture into a relationship, and it becomes even more intense. You never quite know where you stand with him. The uncertainty keeps you on your toes, constantly on alert for something that looks like a bad sign or an ominous foreshadowing. This emotional rollercoaster is as thrilling as it is exhausting. You’re hooked. The worst possible thing that could happen is him leaving. It’s a fear you can’t quite shake no matter how promising the situation looks, a fear that drives everything you say and do.
Now another scenario.
You meet a guy, you think he’s nice and all, you have a good conversation, and he gets your number. While you’re pleased, you don’t go into a tizzy over it. You may check his Facebook profile, but only for a few minutes. You are happy to hear from him if he calls or texts, but you don’t notice the hours that pass in between your interactions. You go out a few times, not expecting much, but soon enough your interest and attraction begin to grow. Things feel calm, there’s no drama, no heart palpitations and it feels really nice.
Which relationship do you think has a stronger chance of survival?
Instinctively, you would say the second one. In real life, you would fall for the first. That’s because the first scenario illustrates everything we’ve ever been told about love.
In movies and romance novels, love is this grand, all-consuming force that takes you over in the most dramatic of ways. There are huge obstacles to overcome, but it’s OK because love conquers all! I mean, would any of us have cared for “The Notebook” if Ali and Noah were of the same social status, went on a few lukewarm dates, then got to know each other and developed a deepening connection over time? Don’t think so.
Unhealthy Relationships Start With a Pull
Relationships that start from a place of pure, unadulterated passion can seldom survive unless they have some substance and depth of connection to stand on. Explosive chemistry isnt what creates a lasting, healthy relationship. It can lead to great sex and feelings of euphoria, and you may come to understand why they say love is a drug, but no matter how intense and all consuming, that sort of thing is seldom sustainable long term.
When you feel a strong and sudden pull towards someone else, the kind that causes you to turn him from mere mortal to deity-like being, something sinister is usually at play. OK, maybe not sinister, but something that isnt exactly what you would term romantic. There are a few good reasons why we might become inexplicably drawn to someone who isnt good for us.
Imago Theory
This theory, developed by clinical pastoral counselor Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., posits that the pull we feel towards another person is guided by our unconscious desire to rectify some issue from our past. Imago is Latin for image, and the theory essentially states that we unconsciously seek partners who reflect the image of our primary caregivers so that we can try to heal lingering wounds inflicted by them by working through issues with someone in their image. These relationships present the opportunity to heal ourselves and become whole again, but they also pose the risk of continuing to pour salt into open wounds.
How it pans out is something like this: if your parents always made you feel like you weren’t good enough, you may seek out guys who make you feel like youre not good enough, then try to win them over in an attempt to rectify those painful feelings from your past.
If your father was very critical, you may find yourself drawn to a man who is very critical, trying to win his love and approval in order to heal from the hurt of your fathers rejection. These decisions aren’t conscious, they happen very deep beneath the surface in areas we can’t easily access. When we meet someone, we immediately sense everything about him, especially the way he makes us feel (again, this happens unconsciously).
On a conscious level, you may assess the things he says, but on an unconscious level, you’re looking at his body language, his tone, the way he phrases things, how much eye contact he makes, his whole demeanor. If your unconscious finds something familiar in that person, something that reminds you of an unresolved hurt from the past, it will light up and push you towards that person.
You may also unconsciously seek out partners who have some quality that is underdeveloped in you. For example, if you’re a Type A workaholic and always wished you could ease up, you may be drawn to a laid-back partner who isn’t so driven.
Maybe this sounds a little too New Agey to you, or maybe it doesnt describe your situation at all, but its a powerful concept and it has gained a
lot of praise and recognition in the field of psychology so its worth considering. I know Ive seen some of this at play in my own dating life.
Infatuation
Being infatuated sounds like a grand, romantic thing, but it can actually be quite dangerous. The problem with infatuation is it isnt based on anything real. Infatuation causes you to fall in love with an image rather than an actual person. It causes you to put someone on a pedestal and overlook his flaws. Since he’s so “perfect,” you become afraid to be yourselfI mean, how could your true self ever compete with perfection? You don’t want to say the wrong thing and scare him off, so you aren’t genuine in your interactions. You rely on his approval so desperately that you also become a bit needy. You may not act needy, but it’s something that lurks beneath the surface and he will pick up on it … men always do. You lose your sense of worth because it becomes so wrapped up in how he feels about you.
Healthy Relationships Build Slowly
Healthy relationships usually begin with mutual interest and attraction that grows over time. This is the complete opposite of unhealthy relationships, which usually start out with a grand light show that quickly simmers into ash. If you can internalize this, it will change the way you date forever.
The most important trait to develop is objectivity. No one really talks about that because its not so sexy, but if you want to find lasting love and prevent yourself from getting hurt, youll need to learn how to use your head a little more than your heart, at least in the beginning. Your heart can lead you into all kinds of bad places. Your heart is the one that tells you its a great idea to go for the bad boy whos just so dreamy, even when hes out on parole and struggling with addictions, or has told you he wont be in a committed relationship, ever. Your heart convinces you that the heart wants what the heart wants and who are you to deny your heart? Your heart doesnt operate according to reason or rational. It makes you do things that you later look back on and wonder, what was I thinking? But you werent thinking, thats not what the heart does. OK, I know Im being mean to the heart. It does have its benefits, but that comes later. In the beginning of a relationship, its best to remain as objective as possible and try to keep your emotions mostly contained.
The best way to do this is to try to go slowly. Ease into the relationship instead of diving in head first. This will create an environment for you to allow your level of interest and attraction to grow steadily over time, rather than flooding you all at once in a big emotional tsunami.
If you spend all your time with him, you risk overlooking critical information about who he really is and if the relationship is built to last. Just because two people feel strongly for each other it doesn’t always mean they can be together.
It is imperative to have a foundation of compatibility, shared goals and interests, and common values. Some things simply can’t be negotiated. Before you emotionally invest, it is wise to determine if you are fundamentally compatible. And the best way to do this is to go slowly. I dont necessarily mean physically, I mean emotionally.
When you first meet someone, you want to spend every minute of every day with him. You talk for hours and hours on the phone, text all day, you can’t get enough. The obvious reason this is problematic is because you may end up relying too heavily on the relationship for your happiness, but also, you don’t get a break from the emotional excitement and stimulation of it all. Then, if you realize this guy may not be right for you, you’ll be in too deep to get yourself out of the situation. You’ll instead rely on some clich like “love conquers all” to justify staying with him.
I am not saying to stay away from guys you feel a strong immediate attraction to and only date guys you’re only “meh” about. I think you should date both kinds of guythe infatuation guy could turn out to be a loser and the “meh” guy could turn out to be the love of your life. (I’ve seen it happen countless times!)
Either way you have to date smart. This will come more naturally with “meh” than it will with the object of your infatuation.
If you just met or just started seeing someone, I strongly advise that you try to limit how much time you spend with him early on. Try to not go on more than two dates a week or engage in marathon texting sessions that go all day. When you do this, you never get a break from the emotional high and you dont get a chance to come back down and recalibrate.
So many girls make the mistake of getting caught up in how the guy feels about them rather than focusing on how they feel about him.
You can avoid falling into this trap by doing regular reality checks. Make sure you see him and the situation clearly. The best way to do this is to make sure you can recognize his flaws. The way you know you’re infatuated is if you see no flaws. has flaws.
Why It Matters
When you get in over your head, you may convince yourself that something like him wanting to live only in the country and you wanting to live only in the city is not such a big deal. Someone who maintains a more objective perspective would acknowledge that she would be miserable living in the country, and since this guy wouldn’t choose to live anywhere else, she would get out of the situation.
I’ve seen (and personally experienced) many situations where a couple breaks up after a long period of time because of some issue that was apparent right from the beginningtheyre different religions, want to live in different states, one person doesn’t want kids. In every one of these situations, the couple believed that things would magically just work out. Imagine how much time and effort they would have saved and heartbreak they would have avoided had they been dating with their heads instead of their hearts from the beginning.
Qualities That Make Him a Keeper
A lot of women write to me begging to understand why their relationships always fail why guys treat them badlywhy they always get hurt … why they can’t get a guy to commit. The common thread in most of these cases is that these women are choosing men who clearly are not husbandor even relationshipmaterial and hoping that by some chance the men will suddenly transform into the knights in shining armor they want. This type of situation doesn’t exist anywhere aside from cheesy romantic comedies. If you choose to pursue a relationship with a guy who clearly isn’t relationship material, then you’re setting yourself up to fail before you even begin.
Trust me, I know all too well how enticing those damage cases can be. Sure, he has emotional issues, he’s jaded, he’s struggling at work, he has no direction, he still acts like a frat boy even though his acting-like-a-drunk-idiot-and-getting-away-with-it days expired years ago, but there’s a really great guy underneath all that and as soon as we deal with all this other stuff, then we’ll have an amazing relationship. I’m sorry, but no.
The problem with these damage cases is that they often have a lot of the qualities we want, but not the ones we actually need. There is a big difference between wants and needs when it comes to relationships, but it’s not always easy to make the distinction. You might want a guy who is tall and strapping and charismatic and a CEO of a major company, but a guy with those credentials might have a host of other qualities that arent good for you and dont fulfill your fundamental emotional needs. My husband is the opposite of the “ideal man” I had envisioned for myself, but even though he doesn’t have certain qualities I used to consider requirements, he is exactly what I need. That was clear to me and everyone around me very early into our relationship.
When I hit that stage in life where I realized I was done dating for the sake of dating and wanted to settle down and find “the one,” I realized that the kinds of guys I liked to date weren’t necessarily husband material, and I had to really examine my list of wants and needs and figure out the differences between the two. Doing so made all the difference. Suddenly the damage cases who were once oh so appealing did nothing for me.
Whether you’re single, dating, or in a serious relationship, these are the most essential qualities you need to look for in a man, the ones that tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that he’s the one and this is it.
He loves your good qualities and accepts and embraces the bad without making you feel guilty for having flaws. You don’t need to hide your true self from him and put on a front in order to be what you think he wants. You can share your true self and be vulnerable and feel safe doing so, knowing that if anything it will make him feel even closer to you.
He is there for you when you need him, even if it’s inconvenient for him. A partnership will sometimes require sacrifice and compromise. Life is unpredictable and unexpected. You can’t predict what will happen and nothing can possibly go as planned 100% of the time. A guy who is husband material will be there for you when you need him. He will be in it with you; he will be your partner in whatever happens and will weather the storm with you, even though he might prefer to stay in the sunshine.
He considers you when making decisions, both big and small. A relationship is a partnership, not a dictatorship. Factoring you in shows that he respects you and that he wants to create a life with you, not simply envelope you in his world. Our worlds can be comfortable when we dont have to compromise, so it’s not always easy taking someone else into account and factoring in their wants and needs and preferences, but that’s what a relationship is.
He is growth oriented. No one is perfect; we all have flaws. And these flaws aren’t black and whiteusually a person’s greatest strength is linked to his greatest weakness. In a relationship, his behavior affects you (and vice versa) and sometimes his less developed traits will have a negative impact on you. A growth-oriented guy will want to work to strengthen his character. A guy who isn’t growth oriented will say its your problem and that this is just the way he is and you need to deal with it.
For example, let’s say you’re dating a guy who can be insensitive at times. Maybe he doesn’t give you emotional support when you’ve had a rough day and instead just gives you matter of fact advice in a direct way. His no-nonsense approach to solving problems might be useful to him in the workplace, but it might be hurtful to you sometimes when he doesn’t empathize with what you’re going through and instead just tells you what to do about it, or gets impatient by the fact that you’re upset over something he doesn’t consider to be that big of a deal.
You want a guy who will accept that his tone can come across as harsh and hurtful to you and who actually tries to work on it, not one who says it’s your problem and you need to deal with it. He probably won’t get it right every time, but if he’s growth oriented he will at least try.
He has similar beliefs and values. This one seems so obvious yet it’s so often overlooked. Love does not in fact conquer all. If you are not fundamentally compatible, you will face major hurdles ahead. If he is going to be your life partner, you have to make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to issues that matter. And if you aren’t on the same page, then make sure he respects where you stand (and vice versa) and that youre both willing to work together to reach a mutually fulfilling understanding about your differences.
Everyone’s values are different. For some, their values will be rooted in religion. Other people value a strong work ethic, while some value a commitment to a healthy lifestyle. It may sound trivial, but I’ve seen very serious, long-term relationships end because one person couldn’t deal with the other’s lack of ambition or motivation.
He views you as his partner. The relationship is something more than each of you individually … together, you and he are a team. And as that team, you are both individually stronger than you could be on your own. He sees you as his equal, as a person of great value, someone he can grow with. Not someone who is there to feed his ego, give him validation, be his emotional crutch, or be there solely to satisfy his needs.
He respects everything about youyour thoughts, ambitions, opinions, the things you say, the company you keep, your job. He doesn’t make you feel bad about your life circumstances and he appreciates the person you are and the choices you have made.
He wants to make you happy. One of a mans most fundamental needs in a relationship is to make his girl happy. It may not always feel like it or look like it, but its true. In order to truly bond with a woman, a man needs to feel like he can make her happy. And when a man truly cares for a woman, he wants to do whatever it takes to make her happy. Love is a selfless thing. If you love people because they make you feel great about yourself, then it isnt real love. When a man shows he genuinely cares about you and your happiness, even if it sometimes comes at the expense of his own happiness, then you know his feelings are for real.
He communicates with you, even about tough issues and even if one of you is upset with the other. With the right guy, you won’t be afraid of bringing up certain things for fear of rocking the boat. You know he respects you and will see what you have to say as valid and important. Every relationship will face its share of obstacles. There will be fights, miscommunications, arguments, and also times when one partner isn’t feeling loved. The only way to emerge from the tough times better and stronger is to work through them together, and this starts with open communication.
He wants the same kind of commitment you want. A guy can have all the qualities on this list, but if he doesn’t want to marry you (or commit in the way you want), or maybe doesn’t want to get married in general, then he is not for you. When a guy is ready to get married and meets a girl he thinks he can spend his life with, he knows pretty early on. That’s not to say hell get engaged right away, but he knows this is it and she knows it too. Maybe he tells her or maybe it’s so obvious he doesn’t even need to. It might be the wrong time, maybe he wants to wait until he’s more established in his career or more financially stable, but he will still convey his level of commitment; she won’t be left hanging and guessing and wondering.
If he still feels like he has wild oats to sow and is drawn to the single, bachelor, party-boy lifestyle, he is not commitment minded and you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If what you want is a serious, lasting commitment, make sure he is on the same page before you become invested. When a guy is ready for a serious commitment, it’s usually pretty obvious. And if it isn’t, then bring it up and discuss it with him. If he’s husband material, he’ll understand. If he isn’t then at least now you know before it’s too late! And yes, I understand that not every woman makes getting married a goal and I respect that. But Im speaking to those who want a lasting commitment, be it marriage or a partnership without a legal piece of paper.
But the Most Important Quality of All Is
He wants to make it work. Hes willing to put in any amount of effort. If there is a problem, he wants to find a way to solve it. He wants to work harder, to be better, to be his best self. The important thing to keep in mind is that people have different ideas about what it means to put effort into a relationship. He might believe that working hard and being good at his job is putting in effort because he wants to provide for you and give you nice things and a comfortable lifestyle. (I use this as an example because it’s a classic point of contention between men and women: she will often view him working too much as him putting no effort into the relationship and being married to his work).
I remember the exact moment I knew my husband was the one. After about a month of everything being perfect (as they usually are in the beginning), we had our first conflict. It was nothing major; we just started experiencing areas where our personalities clashed and seeing how we process things differently. I tend to be more intellectual and straightforward in my thinking, while he’s more emotional and dynamic in his thinking. I would get impatient with this, and my impatience was hurtful to him. The details don’t really matter, what matters is that I remember the way he brought the issue up and how sincere he was about working through things and getting to a place of better understanding.
I have seen countless variations of this kind of scenario: girl is dating a guy, things are going great (again, as they often do in the beginning), but then they hit that inevitable point of conflict. Maybe she acts needy or maybe he gets distant, but whatever happens suddenly things aren’t as seamless as they were the week before. Then he decides he can’t hang anymore and tells her he “doesn’t have time for a relationship” or he can’t give her what she needs. The girl racks her brain trying to figure out what she did wrong, what she could have done differently.
She thinks if she hadn’t been so needy, if she had been a little more chilled out, if she hadnt done this and instead done that. Really, the only way things would have turned out differently is if she had behaved perfectly according to his script, if shed never disagreed or been unhappy with him, if shed been perfectly in alignment with his thoughts and what he wanted in a partner. That sounds reasonable, right? (That’s sarcasm in case it didn’t come across!)
If a guy leaves when things get a little rocky, it means he is lacking in the most important quality you need in a partner, and that is a man who is committed not only to you, but to making it work. It’s easy to be in a relationship when everything is all sunshine and roses. The truth comes out after time goes on, when you let your guard down, when you can be more of yourselves instead of the absolute best version of yourselves. Even the best couples don’t seamlessly fit together. There is always a certain degree of work involved in order to create that deep and meaningful connection, and it has to come from both people.
When a guy is ready to settle down and sees you as a good potential partner, he wants to make it work. He wants to overcome the differences, to get to a place of better understanding. My husband and I are so different. The way we think and feel is different, and the way we communicate is different. In the beginning of our relationship this definitely caused problems, but now, after really committing to working on it, we have hit this amazing place of understanding and are so much more in sync. The differences still exist, but we were able to meet in the middle. Even when things got difficult, I wasn’t any less sure he was the guy for me because of how deeply committed he was to making it work.
A big mistake I see women making is blaming themselves when a relationship falls apart. They torture themselves with could haves and should haves. I should have been less needy, I should have been more agreeable, I could have been more supportive, etc. Yeah, you could have done all that, but it wouldn’t have mattered if he wasn’t committed to making it work.
There will always be differences, there will always be problems, you will not always behave exactly how he wants a partner to behave (same for him).
A relationship isn’t about finding the perfect match, it’s about finding someone you can form a meaningful, lasting partnership with. Notice the word form. It’s an active process; it doesn’t just exist. It’s about working together, being a team, and overcoming the challenges.
Some people have deal-breakers and that’s that. Maybe it’s religion or where to live or lifestyle preferences. But all the other stuffpersonality quirks, your nature, your ways of interacting in social settings, your fundamental traits … either he’s in it or he’s not. And if he’s not, then there is nothing you can do.
Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
Every relationship is different and comes with a unique set of circumstances. However, there are some universal standards that indicate a guy isnt the right one for you, a few red flags that should never be ignored but usually are.
You Don’t Trust Him
Without trust, there is no relationship. Period. In a good, strong, healthy relationship you feel at ease. You feel safe. You feel secure. You do not feel constantly panicked and on edge, always anticipating the proverbial other shoe to drop.
If you don’t believe the things he tells you or are always questioning his motives and his whereabouts, there is something majorly amiss. You can’t spend your life constantly on the lookout; that’s just exhausting.
Sometimes a lack of trust develops because of something substantial. Maybe he cheated, maybe you caught him in a few too many lies. And sometimes it’s something that lingers in the pit of your gut. Even though you can’t quantify the reason, you just don’t feel like you can trust this person. Either way, it’s a big red flag and a major sign that your relationship isn’t going to last.
If he cheated on you or lied to you, then you’ll have to be honest with yourself when you decide if you can truly move past it and if you really, genuinely believe that he’ll never do the same thing again. If you can’t get to that place, then there isn’t much point in sticking it out. You’re just setting yourself up for a life in which you always feel paranoid and insecure. Relationships are supposed to bring out your best, not your worst.
If you can’t quite pinpoint the reason for your trust issues, you should listen to your gut. Our gut instincts can be incredibly powerful. Just make sure you aren’t projecting your own insecurities onto him and aren’t making him pay for the sins of a cheating/lying ex.
There Is No Depth of Connection
Sexual chemistry is great and is definitely important, but that alone can’t sustain a relationship. An amazing sex life is only one piece of the puzzle, yet for a lot of couples it’s the only leg the relationship has to stand on. I know so, so many women who got so engulfed by the intoxicating chemistry they experienced with their partner that they overlooked every sign that clearly showed he wasn’t the one and wasnt even that great of a person.
For a relationship to last, you need to have depth of connection. You need to know your partner intimately, and this goes way beyond his bedroom skills. You need to know who he is, what he wants out of life, and what his hopes, dreams, and fears are. You need to connect to each other in an honest, unguarded way.
Each person is composed of many layers. In our lives, some people see the surface layer, a select few see what lies beneath the exterior, and very few see straight to the core. Your life partner should be in the last group.
Knowing the basics about someone isn’t knowing who they are. If you know the same things about your guy as most of the other people in his life, then you don’t have much depth of connection. Fortunately, this issue is one that can be fixed. Try to make an effort to connect to him in a real way. If he resists, or you still don’t feel like youre connecting in a significant way, then it means he’s probably not that invested in you or the relationship. Or maybe you’re just not the right fit for one another.
Attraction and sexual chemistry are never enough to sustain a relationship. If that’s all you have thats fine, but you might want to move on if you’re serious about finding the one.
Lack of Respect
Respect is the most overlooked element when it comes to making a relationship work, but it’s one of the most essential. If you’re going to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, you must respect your partner and he must respect you.
Respect is huge for guys. In fact, I’d say it’s the number one thing men want out of their relationship. Just as most women need to feel loved and adored, men need to feel respected and admired. A man needs to feel like the man; he needs to feel respected. If you don’t respect him or the way he lives his life, he will resent you and will not want to be with you long term.
At the same time, you need to be with a partner who respects you. This means he respects you as a person: your beliefs, your aspiration, and especially your boundaries.
Eye rolling has actually been shown by famous relationship researcher John Gottman to be a big predictor of divorce, and it’s no surprise eye rolling is a manifestation of contempt, which is the opposite of respect.
He Brings out Your Worst
As I mentioned earlier, relationships are supposed to bring out your best.
The sad fact is, a lot of women end up shackled to a person who brings out their worst.
Sometimes you might not even recognize the person that your relationship has turned you into. That was definitely the case for me many years back before I knew any better. I made the same mistake countless women make. I got so caught up in my feelings for the guy that I overlooked the fact that I didn’t really like myself all that much when I was around him.
Throughout the course of my yearlong relationship with Eric, I was unrecognizable from my previous confident, happy, positive self. Instead I felt insecure, panicked, anxious, and perpetually on edge, but I couldn’t let go because of my strong feelings for him. Those feelings locked me in a tight grip, and it was only when the relationship inevitably imploded that I was able to see just how toxic the situation truly was.
It wasn’t that he was a bad guy; he was just bad for me. It’s a fact that would have saved me years of heartache had I realized it sooner. While getting myself out of that relationship felt impossible, the end was always inevitable because we brought out the worst in each other.
The point is, a relationship should lift you higher, not drag you down. It should help you reach your potential and become the best version of yourself. Of course relationships can’t be all sunshine and roses all the time. They take patience and work. But this work leads to a positive place, a place of growth and understanding and more love and connection. Bad relationships are ones where the work involved is expending energy on fighting and arguing and trying to win. A relationship wont always feel perfect and pleasant, but overall it will help you grow into a better person, as long as youre with a good guy who is committed to making it work and loves and appreciates you for who you are.
He Doesn’t Take Responsibility
One of the biggest relationship red flags is when someone wont take responsibility for anything and instead blames you, maybe using a justification along the lines of, “Well I wouldn’t yell at you if you weren’t being so annoying.” Rather than admitting when hes wrong, he comes up with excuses and justifications for his behaviors and reasons to blame you.
One of the biggest indicators of psychopaths or sociopaths is not being able to take responsibility; its a fundamental lack of empathy that prevents them from ever being able to see the other persons perspective. However, it doesnt always start out this way. In the beginning hes enraptured by you and everything you do is right. Then suddenly he’s unhappy and he blames you for everything that’s wrong. If you erroneously reason that youre the problem, he may feed this mentality. You don’t inspire him enough, you don’t give him what he needs, you arent supportive enough, youre always negative. It’s always you, never him.
Im not saying every guy who cant take responsibility is a psycho; he could just be immature. But it is something to keep in mind because narcissists are out there and this is one of their key features.
Hes Selfish
I have a friend who was seeing a guy she really liked, and she continued to date him even though he was clearly a bit immature and selfish and not ready to settle down (we joked that he had her sexmotized and thats why she wasnt able to break free of his spell). There were signs of trouble all over the place, but most were little things and thats why they were easy to sweep under the rug.
For example, one night she suggested they go to a vegetarian Indian restaurant she loved, and he got all pissy and said there wasnt a point in going out for Indian food if he couldnt eat meat. Never mind the fact that he always chose the restaurants, that they always did what he wanted, that they always slept at his apartment because thats what he wanted, or the fact that he had told her to pick a place for dinner. It was the one time she got to decide something, and she was overruled because it wasnt what he wanted.
This may seem like a silly example, but it demonstrates the essence of selfishness, one that will continue to pop up when dealing with a selfish person. And in that relationship, it did, over and over until finally she couldnt take it anymore and ended it. (This launched the make-up and break-up cycle for a while, because thats what happens when you linger in a relationship with the wrong guy, but eventually they cut it off for good.)
Selfish people also tend to engage in selfish love. That is, they love you when you make them feel good; when youre behaving how they want you to, theyre the best partners ever. When you go off script, then they withdraw and wont do anything for you in a sort of tit-for-tat retaliation.
Thats not how a relationship works. A relationship isnt there to serve one person. Its a partnership and its about working together, not one person working for the other.
Let Your Gut Be Your Guide
I mentioned the importance of listening to your gut earlier and want to get into it a little deeper because its an essential skill, one that can keep you out of sticky situations. f At the end of the day, you usually already know the answers to your dating questions. The lists I provided of qualities to look for and red flags to watch out for can help you see things more clearly, maybe making it harder to hide from whats right in front of you, but oftentimes you already know. You know when a guy isnt worthy of youwhen youre wasting your time, when youre not being treated the way you would like to be treated or the way you know you deserve to be treatedbut you push this knowledge down because you just dont want to deal with it. You dont want to deal with a breakup, with putting yourself back on the market, with dating more guys, navigating the waters, trying to find a guy who cares about you. You dont want to because its exhausting! It seems somehow easier to stick with whats broken and try to just make it work.
In a good, strong, healthy relationship, you feel loved and secure. You don’t question whether your man is using you and if the things he says are genuine. You just feel at ease. Feeling constantly on edge, waiting anxiously for the other shoe to drop, is usually a sign that something is amiss and your instincts are trying to open your eyes to a reality you don’t want to see.
Your gut is a powerful tool in relationships. It’s something we all possess and it can be fine-tuned to work optimally. The way to get in touch with it is to listen to what it’s telling you. Listen to that small, quiet voice that gently tells you: “You deserve more than this, you don’t need this guy.”
The voice of your ego is loud and overpowering. It tells you “Of course hes the guy for you! So what if he disappears for days at a time, he told you that you were the most amazing women he’s ever met, so I mean, DUH! He loves you.”
Your ego shouts over the noise and convinces you that the outcome you want is reality because it has a lot at stake should this not be the case.
Most people allow their egos to get so entangled in their relationships that when the relationship collapses, their ego comes crashing down with it and then absolute misery ensues.
Our unconscious mind has a whole arsenal of information that our conscious mind doesn’t have easy access to. It has stored up pretty much everything that’s ever happened to us and makes decisions accordingly.
Have you ever met someone and liked him right away even though you barely knew him? Or maybe you meet someone who seems perfectly nice, but you just can’t stand her? This is the unconscious at work. The people we’re drawn to oftentimes remind us of people we’ve had positive encounters with in the past. So too with the people we don’t like right off the bat.
You can pick up on things subconsciously without even realizing it, and it will cause you to have a feeling that you can’t quite pinpoint or explain.
The point is, most of the time you already know the answer. The problem is that you wish it were a different answer so instead of accepting it you whittle away what you know with rationalizations.
Here are a few tips to help you get better acquainted with your gut:
Ask yourself a question and listen for the immediate answer. For example, if you’re debating whether or not to dump your boyfriend, ask yourself: “Should I break up with him?” and listen to what first pops into your head. The real answer will most often come first, and then the excuses and justifications will pile on top.
Make the decision and then listen to your body. If it’s a bad decision you’ll feel an aversion to it, usually in the pit of your stomach.
Check with a friend. It can help to get an outsider’s perspective because sometimes we can mistake wishful thinking for our gut instincts. Talk to a friend you trust for a dose of objectivity.
Practice mindfulness. Most people live their lives bouncing from one thing to the nextwork, errands, happy hour. There isn’t that much time to listen to our own thoughts. Try to stay mindful and conscious throughout the day and check in with yourself to see what you’re thinking and feeling. It also helps to set aside some reflection time. You can use this time to meditate, do yoga, journal, take a walk around the parkanything that will give you the space to check in with yourself.
Remember this: Choice is everything. It will largely determine if a relationship succeeds and lasts or fails and leaves you broken-hearted. The good news is that you have the power to choose the man you let into your life. Choose wisely!
Love doesnt have to be that hard, by Sabrina Alexis is available here.
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