#i don't remember her even appearing in KoA

[leclerc-s]

track 004. vete a la fregada

─── ❝ te miré con alguien más, vete a la fregada ❞ ───

masterlist // previous // next

liked by maejones, logansargeant, lilymhe and others

isabellaperez pre-miami dump. local american boy is thrilled to be at his first home race.

tagged: oscarpiastri, maejones, maxverstappen1, danieljricciardo, schecoperez, logansargeant, alex_albon, lewishamilton

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landonorris why does oscar get to be in a photo dump before me this year?

↳ isabellaperez because oscar's more tolerable than you

↳ oscarpiastri wow.

↳ isabellaperez sorry koa!

↳ oscarpiastri can you not call me koala? thanks.

↳ isabellaperez as long as you call me bella i'll call you koa.

maejones wow. we look great

↳ isabellaperez dump max and date me. please. i don't care if nonsense is about him

austinriley lookin' good

↳ arthur_leclerc just got the biggest biggest ick ever.

↳ dulceperez vete a la fregada pendejo

↳ danieljricciardo not-so-kindly fuck off. no one wants you here.

↳ charles_leclerc i can and will run you over with my car.

↳ maxverstappen1 "i hit you like bang"

↳ logansargeant i don’t even know you but i’ve heard many things. stay away or the war criminal will be sent after you

↳ user93 max is on twitter, he's seen the tweets

↳ user31 logan gets the way things work around here. love my fellow american

user49 i didn't know she was close to logan and oscar, guess she is.

user06 BABY LECLERC APPEARANCE! REJOICE!

↳ user85 i love how none of us know what baby leclerc looks like or what her name is.

↳ user06 natalia and charles are amazing parents and their friends are great too. they're keeping this secret for them because it's important to them.

lewishamilton when did you take that picture?

↳ isabellaperez oh, i've been holding onto that one for ages. figured this was the week to let the people see it.

user46 the williams boys look so happy.

she wasn't nervous, fuck max verstappen for thinking she was. isabella perez was not nervous to be seeing her asshole ex for the first time in months. so then why did she ignore his voice, that called out for her to stop? because she was late for a meeting with christian, that's why, not because she was nervous. okay, so maybe there was no meeting with christian but in her defense she was scared, not nervous. isabella picked up the pace when she heard his voice getting closer, failing to notice the boy in papaya standing in her path. she crashed into him, causing him to lose his balance, nearly toppling over.

"oh, shit, i am so sorry. i didn't see you," she quickly said. she turned to look back and noticed him getting closer and held her breath. oscar followed her line of sight, and noticed him, it was hard not to, his tank and tattoos made him hard to miss.

he approached them a smile on his face, "bella, how are you?"

isabella scowled, "my name is isabella, not bella."

austin laughed, as if he was catching up with an old friend, "you didn't mind before."

"i did, you just didn't seem to give fuck on what i minded or not."

"we need to go," oscar said, grabbing isabella's hand, "charles invited us for lunch, remember?"

"and you are?" austin questioned, not letting them make their escape just yet. oscar stared at him, "oscar piastri."

"oh, pastry boy," austin smirked, "you're not all that special. how's life treating you at mclaren? better than alpine?"

oscar pulled isabella back, noticing the girl was ready to throw a punch or two at austin. he didn't want to be the one to tell sergio that his niece needed to be bailed from jail for assaulting a guy. the perez girl was fuming at austin, but it wasn't anything oscar hadn't heard before. at this point, it was water off a duck's back.

"life's great at mclaren, thanks for asking. now, if you'll excuse us, we have to catch up with some friends. you do know what those are right? or do you not have any?"

austin opened his mouth to reply, but by the time he had found something to say the duo had left him behind. isabella was laughing loudly, still holding oscar's hand, while the boy was telling her something. they were off in their own world and austin wondered if there was more to them then they let on.

duckling god, i'm begging you, please make my feelings for this man go away.

paddock dad i told you so

duckling you know what seb, i don't need this right now. not when i'm facing feelings for a fucking koala and my shit ex is in miami at the grand prix

paddock dad HE'S WHAT? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?? NOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO BE IN MIAMI!

honey badger it was in the groupchat seb

paddock dad ISABELLA STAY AWAY FROM HIM

super max i think oscar has got us covered.

paddock dad what’s that supposed to mean?

duckling hey, should i start a red bull support group? like current drivers and former drivers?

honey badger please stop trying to change the subject, what’s this about you having feelings for oscar? and why the sudden epiphany?

duckling he held my hand

super max going back to the red bull support group thing, i vote no because then you’d have to include mark webber?? oscar’s manager?

duckling i forgot about him…🫢 but pierre and alex…

paddock dad i wish i could forget mark

duckling that answers seems a little fruity to me but okay.

honey badger MULTI 21 SEB!!!

paddock dad LET IT GO ALREADY! honey badger NEVER!

duckling are you sure the two of you didn’t date? there was so much tension between you two

paddock dad like you and oscar? super max i expected that sort of comment from daniel not seb

duckling besides what could possibly go wrong this weekend?

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, pierregasly, danieljricciardo and others

redbullracing and for the second year in a row mr. worldwide isn't present at the miami grand prix. excuse me while i go cry. peep the picture of max being utterly in love with charles.

tagged: maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, landonorris, schecoperez, fernandoalo_oficial, pierregasly

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📍redbullracing REJOICE SALTY SPICE HAS GIVEN UP ON TRYING TO CONTROL ME! MR.305 PLEASE COME TO THE VEGAS GRAND PRIX!!!

user84 wonder how many pitbull memes isabella has saved.

↳ redbullracing the limit does not exist.

nataliaruiz never seen someone as in love with charles as max is and charles is my boyfriend.

maejones someone remind max that he and charles have girlfriends

logansargeant i will never understand your love for pitbull

↳ redbullracing "this for everybody going through tough times. believe me, been there, done that."

danieljricciardo please stop playing pitbull in the garage.

↳ redbullracing no, you will appreciate pitbull or i'll start playing gasolina again.

↳ maxverstappen1 please don't i can't handle hearing the words, "zúmbale mambo pa' que mis gata' prendan los motore" again

↳ redbullracing and yet, you know the words.

↳ user90 never thought max verstappen would know the words to a daddy yankee song. this is peak humor.

↳ maxverstappen1 i don't know the words, i googled them and i pasted them in the comments

↳ redbullracing BOO! YOU WHORE!

user42 isabella terrorizing the red bull garage with pitbull and daddy yankee was not on my 2023 f1 bingo card

↳ isabellaperez they must learn to appreciate the music of my people.

↳ dulceperez we're mexican, pitbull is cuban and daddy yankee is puerto rican. they are not our people.

↳ isabellaperez you're right it's time to terrorize them with paquita.

↳ schecoperez canta le a austin rata de dos patas

↳ user31 damn that's foul.

user29 with every red bull post i am reminded why isabella is my favorite admin.

sebastian vettel someone want to tell me what the hell happened?

arthur leclerc OSCAR ALMOST THREW HANDS WITH AUSTIN

oscar piastri snitch, also, that's not true!

mae jones in oscar's defense, i almost bit someone's ankles and i genuinely think max almost punched someone.

max verstappen that is very true. that klootzak is so fucking lucky christian stopped me from punching his arrogant face.

sebastian vettel what happened?

dulce perez well, austin was being a dickhead and tried to get into the red bull garage and gp stopped him. which is when he started shouting like a maniac for my sister and she came out of the garage, which we all told her not to do, but she never listens, like always. bailey winters which is when, oscar, two garages down, heard the commotion and left his own garage, and saw austin stepping closer to isa, when he stood in front of her and told austin to leave, in the kindest way possible. but of course, he didn't, started calling isa his "sloppy seconds and a whore" mae jones then max, checo, danny, and christian, who were all in a meeting, stormed out of the red bull garage, because gp had told them what was happening, heard him say all this crap while oscar's yelling at austin to go away, still in the nicest way possible. max walked over, told him to fuck off and things really escalated when austin asked if isabella had slept with someone on the team to get her job. freya vettel that's when oscar and max really lost their shit, started screaming at him to get the fuck out of the red bull garage, he still didn't. christian is trying to get security but they were busy solving a different problem, so it took a while, danny and checo are trying to comfort isa, who's on the verge of tears. then max winds up ready to throw the first punch, christian sees this, grabs max and pulls him away, while oscar and austin are shouting at each other. lando norris that's also when someone let's arthur free, so this man barges out of the ferrari garage like a man on a mission and is the only one to touch austin. he pushes him out of the way tells him to get lost, curses him out in french, and that's when security finally escorts him away and this man is still shouting but security tells him to stop causing a disturbance or else they'll ban him forever. that's when he shut up.

sebastian vettel arthur pushed someone? that's the part of the story i find hardest to believe.

arthur leclerc ok it's not like an asshole shows up at every race and starts shit with my best friend.

arthur leclerc and if charles has a bloody nose, it wasn't me. but he did hold me back and was met with an elbow to the face. charles leclerc a mistake on my part truly.

max verstappen my only regret is not punching that klootzak.

sebastian vettel isa, are you okay? how are you doing?

isabella perez i'm hanging out with little jewel, that's the best form of therapy. look at that cutie. who can stay sad around her?

oscar piastri you should get a dog.

dulce perez we should get her to go to therapy first. then she can get a dog.

isabella perez i'm fine. it's not like i almost had a panic attack in front of everyone? oh wait... i did.

sebastian vettel isabella, you should go to therapy. maybe that will help you conquer your fear of falling in love again.

isabella perez i'm don't have a fear of falling in love. daniel jones-ricciardo you do. max verstappen you do.

sebastian vettel we can't keep being your therapists

isabella perez uh, yes you can?

daniel jones-ricciardo go to therapy isa.

OLLIE!

i'm not going to be your therapist isabella.

that's not what i was going to ask you

yes, you were. can't you go bother arthur? your best friend? or dulce, your sister?

arthur's telling me to get therapy. i don't need therapy. dulce's annoying, don't tell her i said that, she'd kill me.

yes, you do. based on what i've read, you have a crush on oscar and don't want to admit it because your ex messed up the way you receive love.

okay, when did this become a call out isabella session?

what were you going to ask me?

do you think i should get a dog?

you can barely talk about your feelings, what makes you think you can be responsible for another life?

at least it's not a child

please, do not have a child.

why would i need to have a child when i have you?

ollie bearman i think isabella just became my grid mom??

arthur leclerc what the fuck???

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @applopie @lorarri @mypage-myfandoms @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @cowboylikemets1989 @justtprachisblog @rmeddar123 @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @Smnthnclj @dan3avocado @melissayalene @nothanqks @nikfigueiredo @bella-1 @namgification

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! yeah, i tried making austin the biggest asshole i possibly could. kinda hate him and i wrote his character. this has been sitting in my drafts for a full week already but i just didn't think it was good enough, but oh well.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

#leclerc-s #the honest series #oscar piastri #oscar piastri x female oc #formula 1 #formula 1 fic #fanfic #fanfiction #f1 #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 instagram au #f1 fic

[acourtofantumbra]

Was doing a deep dive for a future post about *gestures wildly* witches... Manon's lineage... cross-world connections... something I've found that feels actually tangible, maybe. Anyway, despite only dipping a toe into the ToD reread so far (I am not a ToD hater lol I'm just busy) I found myself checking a moment from KoA and took a nosedive into something immediately shinier. But it was so sudden I didn't have time to do my usual highlights/scribbles on my (currently dead) ipad so... enjoy my measly Kindle highlights.

I KNOW many folks have beautifully analyzed SJM's repeated character names because at one point SJM herself basically said, "I keep a record of all of them and I know what I've used."

I've seen folks flag important repeats for years now (we've seen this film before, A+ work, it keeps me up at night!), but the heavy hitters have been Briar, Thanatos, Cormac and even Ruhn (you know... the Erilean mountains and the hottie who knows 3 things).

So it stands to reason that repeated names might deserve some extra scrutiny... And I pray we get some pay off with that in CC3.

Anyway, as I'm pulling at the thread of ToG witches via our (my) favorite queen - Manon - I hadn't realized I fully forgot her dad's name. Frankly, of all the plot points from ToG, Manon's story's specifics were the haziest... except where Dorian is concerned I'm a mere mortal... and that has me suspicious regardless. Anywayyyy, as you can see above, it's Tristan. Tristan Crochan.

I cannot fully explain the cartwheel flip my brain did thumbing through the roladex of SJM's characters... because Tristan Flynn was not the energy my brain was ready for after reading this really sad passage about Manon's murdered family.

On my first read of the SJMU I went ACOTAR (long break between the original and ACOSF) -> CC -> TOG. And on my first TOG read, this passage triggered no alarm bells. I probably just didn't remember Flynn all that much. But after my CC reread... oh. I remember him. Don't you worry.

Now I am fan of Flynn. He's got a rakishness I simp for, I root for him and the dragon, and clocked his lordship woes despite having what we've all decided is a "hot dad". He's a good time. And Flynn feels like someone to watch! He makes an appearance in not one, but two, CC bonus chapters... and he's got a crush on the aforementioned dragon, who either was introduced for no reason or is gonna be a key player going forward. Or SJM is fucking with us. I don't have the answers.

But what I'm struck by Tristan-wise is a) the similarity in the little physical descriptors we get - brown hair, brown eyes and b) not actually Flynn-related... but a deeply similar sounding story to none other than the Autumn King. Daughter you didn't know was born to a woman you claim was your real love... check. Searching far and wide with a singular focus on recovering your daughter... check. Having another kid out of obligation and duty to continue on important bloodlines... check!!!

It might not have anything to do with Flynn at this current moment... but it's not implausible. Lord Flynn is of course a beloved frat-pack member living in a dump with his fellow bros. He specifically pops up in these bonus chapters going through the motions necessitated by his aristocratic bloodline. His mom/family is eager to marry him and his sister off - of course he seems miserable about the whole idea. But also resigned to it? It seems complicated. TLDR there's a world where Flynn's like "woof, yeah I gotta get married off but the heart wants what it wants!" There is precedent!

Also, I've been 👀 Flynn since it was flagged that he has "super rare earth powers" not commonly seen in Valbaran Fae... first off, what does that mean? Second, hot?!

Well I've done it again, so many words and nothing really of note to take away haha. I'll be honest, my mind was not in a Tristan Flynn headspace!! I'm kind of bogged down in my own thoughts about the witchier women of this multiverse... but in my dragon theory speculation Flynn popped up again and I really can't explain why random dead ends are turning up Tristan!!! I'm not mad about it, but I wish I understood.

#sjm multiverse #throne of glass #cc3 #sjm multiverse spoilers #sjm theory #manon blackbeak #tristan flynn #tristan crochan #crochan witches #rhiannon crochan #crescent city #house of sky and breath #kingdom of ash #autumn king #bryce quinlan

[emilystheories]

I think you have some great theories but some require so much explanation to make it work and are buried in references and outside sources, we almost get away from what we know - SJM makes whatever lore she pulls from her own. Some are so complex and very specific to the way you analyze, we can't possibly expect SJM to have been on the same wavelength as you. Considering how often SJM retcons and contradicts herself in interviews, I just don't think she's putting in as much work as some fans do with some theories. Yes, she has plot twists and turns, but they aren't overly layered and she's not the best as creating two demensional villains either. She's also made some questionable writing decisions that so many fans never could've predicted. Like, I remember all the wild theories for KOA & ACOSF and none were remotely close to what she planned in terms of plot development aside from the obvious, Nessian as endgame. I think at best, the theories that do come to fruition are the simple ones even causal readers can pick up. I think you have some creative ideas, but I think we are expecting too much from SJM.I think she's a simple gal, who loves writing romance. Will you be disappointed if none of your theories come to be true? If none come true, I hope it doesn't stop you from expressing your thought and blogging, there's so many other fandoms who would appreciate you in their corner.

This is a valid point, so thank you for bringing it up!

I think first and foremost, it goes without saying that most SJM fan theories will (likely) be wrong in some capacity - my own included. I am definitely aware of this, which is why I am intentional with my wording (ie. I will never say "I figured it out!", or try and present my theories as canon facts). For me personally, theorising isn't about trying to be "right" (as that's pretty much impossible); instead, it's about pondering all the different possibilities that SJM could take in future books, and then sharing these possibilities within a community.

As for expecting too much from SJM - I am undecided. I do see where you are coming from, and I especially agree with KOA; a perfect example of this was Elide's character - SJM hinted several times that Elide had Blackbeak blood (which spurred on the creation of many incredible theories), but then it ultimately lead to nothing...? However, I also know that Merrill's hypothesis in ACOSF (about the 11 different dimensions, or as many as 26) is a direct reference to String Theory - and then the Harp, with the 26 strings, represents this. To me, this does indeed suggest that SJM is thinking about her worlds (and how they interact) beyond the surface level.

This is also why I often reference outside sources in my theories (such as mythology or folklore), because to me it is clear that SJM derives so much inspiration from these same sources. For example, Helion appears to be named after "Helios" (Greek god of the sun), and Thesan appears to be named after "Thesan" (Etruscan goddess of dawn). Knowing that SJM is connecting her characters in this way lends itself to questioning the other remaining characters - for example, why is Hunt named after Orion; a famous hunter in Greek mythology? Why is Mor named after The Morrigan; a famous war goddess/shapeshifter/banshee in Celtic mythology? Does it mean something? (Or, are you right, and SJM is just choosing names at random?)

So, I guess I can admit that I do have high expectations of SJM going forward, and that my theories reflect that. However, if SJM does indeed opt for more "basic" storylines in her future books (ie. much less of a crossover than we are anticipating), then it wouldn't be the first time that my theories have failed to account for that. In the past, I have actually posted theories for two well known TV/book series, and both went "viral" within those respective fandoms (I still remember when Reese Witherspoon posted a news article about my theory to her instagram story lmao). However, both times, the author went for a much more "obvious" ending, and as a result, I was on the receiving end of fandom backlash (that my thoughts were too "outlandish," or that my expectations were too high).

But, that's still part of the fun. Honestly, my one true goal is to write my own fantasy series - that way, I am free to include as many "outlandish" twists, turns, and ideas as I wish !! :)

[lilyellowsongbird]

Song of The Day - Jan 22nd '23

Call Me In The Afternoon - Half Moon Run

Our first contemporary song! Well, at least it was made during the 21st century.

The summer after I graduated high school, I took a month long trip across the Great American West with my childhood best friend Rachel. I paid for it all myself. I worked three jobs my senior year, practically ruining my mental and physical health in the process, but it was worth it. Just before we left, I hung out my friend Gigi and watched her race against her friend Ethan to explode a watermelon with rubber bands. Ethan was hot, but my mind was on my trip. The first day of the trip, I was absolutely terrified. A whole month on the road? By myself? On the other side of the country? Once we reached our first major stop, Rocky Mountain National Park, all of those fears disappeared. It was all worth it, the work, the fear, just to see those mountains. I could think about something other than getting across Kansas and pitching tents in random KOAs for the first time in three days. That's when I remembered that Ethan existed. I thought, "fuck it" and asked Gigi for his snap. Suddenly we were talking and I was crushing hard. In an effort to appear more attractive to him, I started listening to music he liked, which is how I ended up listening to one of the Stomp and Holler playlists on Spotify, which is where I found Call Me In The Afternoon by Half Moon Run. I loved this song, I listened to both versions on Spotify multiple times every day while driving across the states with my best friend. It reminded me of Ethan with his beard and beautiful laugh.

While I found this song on a Stomp and Holler playlist, I wouldn't exactly put it in the same category as the other songs on that playlist. Yes, it has this certain, granola, run-away-and-never-look-back quality to it, it's more electric. Not enough mandolin to be considered Stomp and Holler. What sticks out most to me is Devon Portielje's voice and the piano during the chorus. Portiejle's voice is clear and vivid, with that slight raspy stress in certain moments that I adore so much. When he sings "Take one if you need it but you really shouldn't get this fucked up" you feel the desperation in his voice as he reaches out to the subject of the song. The piano during the chorus is distinct, backing Portielje's anguished voice with loud, pronounced chords. Maybe it's the pianist in me that I pick out the piano in songs, but the piano is really what makes the backing effective.

Things didn't work out with Ethan, we don't even talk anymore, but that never soiled this song for me. I put myself out there for once, both on that road trip and in asking him out to coffee (he said no. he didn't have time for a relationship). I found out later that Rachel absolutely hates this song because I played it so much. She said "There are only three songs hate with a passion. Call Me In the Afternoon, Call Me In The Afternoon Spotify Live version, and Janglin. All because that's all you listened to on that roadtrip." I swear she questioned being friends at me at all when I told her I only listened to it because of a man. As I sit here writing this and listening to the song, I can't help but remember driving through Idaho on my way to Oregon, listening to this song, and letting the piano take me across the plains to our next stop. I try to live without regrets, and I sure as hell will never regret that trip or listening to this song.

Listen to the song here:

#music #indie rock #opinion #nonfiction #song of the day #Youtube

[rhysand-vs-fenrys]

NSFN Headcanons: Hasar/Reina Sleep-Play

Reina’s shining brown hair curtained Hasar’s chest as the princess slept.

There was no need to perform or worry about Hasar’s pleasure, this was about what Reina wanted. What she would take for herself.

She didn’t bother trailing kisses along Hasar’s neck or fuss over how long she had been sucking at the same supple breast.

Hasar slept. She would not wake, would not respond, would not tell her lover what to do or how to do it. In this moment, the Princess of the Southern Continent was a toy for Reina to play with.

The dregs of herbs at the bottom of her khave had Hasar locked away nice and tight in her own dreams.

She wasn’t tricked or poisoned with them- this was a gift Hasar gave to her lover every now and then. Reina did so much for Hasar- endured every rant or tantrum, soothed both those around them and Hasar herself when tempers faired. 

Reina was the only one who could understand the horrible pressure of life among the royal family. She who Hasar brought in from the dusty, dirty streets and fell head over heels in love with.

No matter how long they had been together now, Reina was still shy and submissive in her desires. Hasar did not mind one bit waking to Reina’s lips on her body, but the moment she did her bride would change. The pleasure she brought to Hasar was indescribable, but if there was anything a Princess could understand it was the need to indulge ones appetites. 

Reina liked to play with her while she slept. To worship her wife’s body with lips and tongue at her own pace, even as she pressed her thighs together and shuddered at her own building moisture.

So Hasar- in days long past- had Yrene prescribe a sedative. One that could be easily dissolved into tea and was safe for how Hasar wished to use it.

A spoonful of herbs into her evening khave and Hasar was gone.

Meaning Reina was free to indulge.

She could spend as long a she wished suckling at her wife’s breast. Leaving patches of red skin that Hasar would proudly hide beneath her clothes- or find scandalous outfits specifically to show them off.

Her soft warm skin against Reina’s cheek was as powerful as the allure of her sex. Before Hasar, Reina had never been with a woman. Part of her still marveled at the taste of Hasar’s breasts. The feeling of her lower lips against her cheeks. The wet warmth of her core around Reina’s tongue.

She nibbled at Hasar’s knot. While the Princess slept her body woke, and Reina was devoted to memorizing every last inch. She pulled Hasar’s leg over and straddled her foot while Reina lapped at the building moisture in her core.

She parted her own sex over the top of the foot and ground against it slowly, moaning into Hasar. She was so hot, so hungry. It was an awkward position, but Reina rolled her hips while she sucked each part of Hasar’s sex into her mouth and played with it. No concern for getting Hasar off, only on curious exploration and for the sake of her own pleasure.

Reina squeaked as she came against Hasar’s foot. Crawled off of it and adjusted Hasar’s body beneath her.

Reina lay down on the bed, holding the foot she had cum on. Her core pressed against Hasar’s. Using the leg she clamed for leverage, Reina ground herself against her wife while she sucked on her toes.

Soon there were loud wet sounds of skin smacking against skin. It was loud and lewd, but Reina only smiled.

She abandoned the foot when she wanted to and held the leg properly. Her hips rolled slowly and deliberately. The feeling of Hasar’s wet sex against her own made her toes curl in pleasure.

Hasar groaned in her sleep. She’d climaxed on her own. Far quieter than she was under Reina’s normal ministrations.

Reina would ride her for a while, taste her some more, and ride her again when the itch struck. She had hours to play with Hasar’s body. There was no rush.

In the morning when Hasar woke well rested and yet somehow exhausted, she would smile at the beauty sleeping with her head on Hasar’s stomach. Her cheek would be resting against the patch of short hair between Hasar’s legs, her hair a curtain of shimmering brown spread across Hasar’s chest.

It was Hasar’s favorite way to wake up.

And Reina’s favorite way to fall asleep.

#my writing #headcanon #headcanons #reina #hasar #throne of glass #tog #tod #tower of dawn #nsfn #not safe for november #tagged tod in this one just because if people aren't familiar with Reina she's from that book #i don't remember her even appearing in KoA

[signofwolf]

Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas – book review

Series: Throne of Glass #7 Genre: YA, Fantasy Theme: Fae, magic users, war Warnings: mentions of torture, imprisonment Star rating: 0,5/10

Why did I pick this up?: I wanted to end this horrible series once and for all.

[Heavy spoilers ahead]

To make myself clear, before this book I quite liked this series. It wouldn’t place in my top 100 books, not even close, but it was a pleasant pageturner to listen to in audiobooks when working.

Language

Let’s start slow. I lack the words to express how much I hate the words ‘male’, ‘female’ and ‘mate’ after this series. Not even gonna try to express my trauma. But these 3 gems aside, Sarah J. Maas needs a dictionary. Or compress her work to a manageable size. Everything sang, Everyone melted, Every man roared, Every woman trembled, Everyone was unleashing themselves at least once a chapter (number of chapters: 122) ). And now I know definitely too much about Yrene’s ‘womb’. I know so much…

Dynamism

I thought that was a book about a war with heavy action content. Oh boy, I was wrong. This 984-pages monstrosity has maybe 5 pages of action. If you squint.

Every sequence, where by design action should take place was followed by one of two scripts:

Few sentences of action and then a few pages long internal monologue. Often repeated with the same character after the next few sentences of action, or with the next character and then the next (sometimes the first character made a second appearance and then everything would go all over again). And the word ‘character’ used in these sentences is not because I’m rambling. This book is written that way!

Few sentences of action and then action stops, and we are graced by a few pages long conversation. In the middle of a battle. Or spying. Or in Erawan’s chambers, when his castle is going down, and he is running up the stairs...

Time

Leaving alone the fact that apparently all series took less than a year (till this book I estimated the plot for about 3 years, Wiki told me it was 2, but Maas knows best), because that is a can of worms in itself. Time in this one? I honestly have no idea. There were many ‘few weeks of travel’ parts with two main groups of POVs. Personally my only time indicator was ‘Orynth won’t fall till Aelin gets here’. But nothing just fit. And I saw Lost Song when in the last episode we as the audience realized that our two POVs parallel storylines are in reality millennia apart. Lost Song made sense.

Emotional loading

… there wasn’t any. Really, it was like reading a milk label. Every time the scene was potentially emotionally impactful, Maas went ahead to overexplaining EVERY. GOD. DAMMED. THING. And it was abso-fucking-lutely everything. ‘Emotional dilemma? Let’s current POV explain it! 2 pages should be enough… Damn maybe it wasn’t enough. I know! I’ll switch POVs and explain it through the other character!’ <= My impression of Maas’ thought process. I’m fairly sure that the record was 7 POVs explaining the same thing in the row, but I was blacking out a little, so I cannot be sure.

And if that wasn’t enough, this book had a second way to defuse tension: random-plastic-repetitive-badly_written-smut. Really badly written and really repetitive. How could you not feel the spicy bits, when Manon (cruel, self assured 100+years old witch-queen) reacts the same in bed as Elide (20years old, virgin, ex-slave). And the rest of them were the same, there weren’t ANY distinctions.Just copy-paste.

The next point in current case: Someone died, it was impactful, I really liked the character, so I got sad. But then 2 of our characters came out of the room with a body, and after a paragraph of grieving they started making out, and then I was regaled with 2-pages-long description of melting cores. That was the place then this book stopped being badly written, and started being distasteful.

Characters

Remember when I was writing about switching POVs (which is 15(!!!) In the whole book. Oh and an omniscient narrator in places when our current POV was grieving too much to overthink something, but Maas still wanted to inform us about something)? They were all savagely murdered in the worst way: character mutilation. Somewhere between books our maybe-not-that-original but colorful and interesting characters became carbon copies of each other. I have no idea how many times I didn’t realise there was a POV switch. The only indicator was a change of pronoun, or when Maas was telling us the name of a current narrator. These were the only ways. And if you can't distinguish if you are in Dorian’s head or in Manon’s, that is the sign of a really BAD writing.

Romance

…there wasn't any. In all this book there wasn't any naturally progressing romantic scene. There were Maas’ endgame pairings which were sexing or pinning. As the author Maas loves to write about soulmates. And it’s not a bad thing itself. When I want some fluffy story I often tag ‘soulmates’ in AO3 and voila, +10 to good mood. But God above, it is not cute when every pair you write about are ‘true mates’ just BECAUSE. It is the only way Maas sees a relationship, as a fated pairing, written in the wake of the universe by the God himself. There is no choice, nor the work to put in it. They are the author's OTP and that means that they are perfect and they should have children right now. Point in case:

Guy was treating a girl like a shit on his sole, including throwing her naked out of tent, on a snow, with their friends present, all the while abusing her verbally in a worst way. But it’s okay, because when she almost died he realised his mistakes and apologised. Two scenes later, he was forgiven, because... fated mates?

The pathos

I know that many people don't like this type of scenes, but it's not my case. I’m reading by picturing images and not repeating words. I like sequences that I can imagine to be grand and glorious, even if they are a little corny. That said, the pathos scenes were the most disappointing ones for me. Maas likes to write parts that are more picturesquely exalted than logically possible [point in case: meeting of 5 armies/forces in the random patch of sand in Empire of Storms, and it being painted as ‘an Aelin’s great plan’. I laughed myself silly at that. But not taking logic and all the plot holes into consideration that was a nicely looking scene. In Kingdom of Ash that wasn’t the case. I would say that the author wanted to paint us a renaissance painting every 20 pages or so. In my opinion, every time she failed miserably. Each and every of those scenes was or to farfetched to be even remotely realistic, and evidently written only for a sake of the picture, or just plainly stupid.

Example, and it’s so priceless a scene, that I just need to share it: Battle of Orynth, 25th day or so (time in this book doesn’t exist), the 13. sacrificed themselves (like thousands before them but hush). And then, time stops: grieving Manon is going through the city, they open the gates for her (yes, the siege is still on), she goes to the place where they died, after her come out all of our main heroes, and half the city itself with ‘flowers, rocks and precious possessions’ and they lay it there in a tribute to these brave (evil till 2 months ago) witches. I honestly can’t remember when was the last time I saw such an abstract scene. It’s a material for an essay in itself. No, I could not take it seriously.

Additionally, it's hard to make an impact as every damn sentence is grand and lofty. In the end it became truly pathetic, Aelin vs Maeve was unreadable.

Character deaths:

Let's make a quick count: main characters in a series at the start of KoA: 12 secondary characters in a series at the start of KoA: 20ish minor and total background: a lot more

Death count: main: 0 secondary: 3 minor: 2 (11 if we try very hard)

Resurrections: 1 (possibly 3, but not gonna analyze it)

Did you feel emotions of this impossible war against this all-encompassing, all-powerful, invincible, immortal, cunning Evil with armies from 3 continents and 2 worlds? No? Me neither.

Oh well, but there were a lot of deaths of ordinary soldiers. I’m quite certain that all of Terrasen’s army was at least twice brought back to life for them to die in these numbers.

Logic or lack thereof

Oh, and let’s not forget about the Deus ex machina army of unbeatable, magical elves on wolves, from legends, living for the past thousands of years in the unreachable lands of the north, because they managed to run from the surprise attack 10 years earlier. Did I mention that they came from portals, which the whole book was telling us were impossible to make in this scenario? After the previous saviour army was already fighting there for a day? And that Aelin didn’t know they would come for sure (how did she contact them again?)? Even though they were waiting in the full armours for these portals? Ah, and also: that army didn’t do anything. They just came and fought for maybe 4 minutes. And there were just so many things like that!

And if we’re on the topic of armies I present you: ‘My favourite absurd-list in the series: allied armies’.

(As a comparison, in A Song of Ice and Fire by J.R.R Martin, in 7 kingdoms of Westeros, at the peak of war there were 7 forces present, but not all were even engaged in a war.)

First the ones that made sense:

Armies of Terrasen’s Lords (counted as one, not gonna nitpick)

The Khaganate army (also counted as one)

Galan Ashryver’s armada

Whitethorn fraction

Rebel Ironteeth witches

…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’?

And there were some that did not:

Ansel of Briarcliff’s army

The Silent Assassins

Mycenians

Wild Men of the Fangs

Army of magical elves on wolves

And the ‘I don’t even know’ category:

Crochan witches

Overpowering and overreaching

Section title tells it all. The stakes were too high. I was honestly waiting for Aelin to become Super Saiyan and start to throw planets at Maeve and Erawan. I won’t spoil if this happened.

In my opinion it could be a really great series, if our list of villains ended with Arobynn and King of Adarlan, and the list of Aelin titles with an assassin and a princess. We could have had two main fight plots: one emotional with Arobynn, when Aelin would have to face a damage he had done to her, and overcome it. And the second one, with freeing Terrasen from Adarlan’s rule. That’s it. There was an asshole, power hungry king, who feared magic and wanted to rule the East part of a continent. A lot of plot, but not so much that we stopped to care, or didn’t have time to cover everything. We could really get to know what Terrasen and his people were like and not JUST GET TOLD that it was ‘the greatest place in the world’ every damn 20 pages.

Plus…should Dorian be counted as an ‘army’? It's a REALLY valid question.

Climaxes

IIf I have to write a list of things that disappointed me in this book, this review would be thrice its current size, but one of the worst grievances I have is the complete lack of acknowledging the plotlines that had been started. This book series has overall 4 372 pages (not counting novellas) and 12 main characters (still not gonna address this). All of them had their storylines and arcs but if they weren't tied up in the previous instalments they wouldn’t be in this one. I get it, Maeve and Erawan got beaten (in an extremely unsatisfactory way) but they were only a background in this series' plots.

Aelin Well, Aelin was one of 3 people (+2 paragraf-long insertion from Nesryn and Chaol) who got their own POV’s after the battle (second was technically Rowan, who was ‘Aelin’s POV outside of Aelin’.The third Dorian, who got almost a full two pages). And from this we got that: she got crowned, Aedion got his bond and that Maas have no idea how the city looks after weeks of siege. In her case what angered me the most was ‘Terrasen is my home’ subplot. Only in this tome we read at least 3 times that Aelin will be okay with dying, if only she gets to see Terrasen one last time, or if she get to die on Terrassen soil. But you know what? Maas forgot to write the scene where Aelin actually ‘comes in’.

Mannon Didn't get her own POV after the battle, but here’s what we’ve got: She is going to the Wastes with Croachans and Ironteeth. Whait. What? Yes, that was the ending of this 500+ years of feud. They fought together and they decided to unite their two species, completely forgetting more than half a millenia of slaughter. I can only hope that there were at least some talks behind the scenes… NO! F*** NO! This isn’t how it works!

Rowan, Dorian, Chaol, Yrene, Lysandra, Aedion, Lorcan, Elide, Nesryn, Sartaq Lived happily ever after

Secondary minor and total background characters Survived (I acknowledge that they would be ignored in most books’ epilogues, but this abomination is almost 1000 pages of nothing!!).

Good Scenes

That saying, this book actually had 4 good scenes:

Crochan witches go to war - gathering-forces-to-fight trope, which is my *love-always trope* so I’m not even sure if it was relatively good, or if I’m just a slut for this trope. It was still only a paragraph long though.

[recurring] The children’s tale Aelin repeated to herself to remember who she is.

‘Lorcan Lochan’ - the only marginally funny scene in the whole book

I actually found Darrel making Evangeline his heir charming. Even if circumstances were far-fetched at least.

But the words crime of this book? It was agonisingly, mind-numbingly boring. If the overexplaining and repetitions were to be taken out I highly doubt that there would be 300 pages left.

For these 33 hours of audiobook I suffered through I give it half a star. Because Abraxos exist.

Please see my garishly accurate cover on my instagram! You can also like it there :D

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