#i feel like I'm responsible to keep people safe from covid at my job and that i should do my best to prevent covid infections

[shadowdaddies]

So being sick with covid and being on my period at the same time is not fun so I was wondering if you haven't already done it a sick reader head cannon? With whatever Sarah J. Mass male you want or all of them whatever you want.

ah I'm so sorry you're sick love! covid definitely seems to be making the rounds right now, stay safe and I hope you feel better soon💜

SJM Males When You're Sick Headcanons

ACOTAR

Azriel

⁃ Azriel knows you’re sick before you do

⁃ His shadows wake him up in the night when they hear your sniffled breathing, notice your fever

⁃ He’s up and getting you water and a cool rag, making some tea with medicine from Madja as soon as you are up

⁃ If he has to go anywhere, he leaves his shadows with you to keep him updated on how you’re doing or if you need anything

⁃ He gets you your favorite flowers and a book, which he reads to you as you take a warm bath, the water helping with any congestion 

⁃ Picks out your favorite clothes for you to sleep in, keeping an eye on you while being careful not to pester you too much

Rhys

⁃ Rhys secretly loves the excuse to take care of you

⁃ You usually tease him for using magic to do the smallest things, so he takes every opportunity to make anything you could need appear in an instant. You want warm soup? Right there. Another blanket? Five blankets of various fabrics appear without hardly a thought. 

⁃ You are not leaving the bed. Rhys pushes any meetings or responsibilities he has to stay with you, taking the opportunity as the perfect excuse to spend quality time with you, absolutely spoiling you in every way

Cassian

⁃ Cassian gets anxious, immediately going to Madja for any possible medicine you could need

⁃ He would ask for step by step instructions on how to best care for you while you’re sick, and stick to that routine

⁃ He makes sure to make you food with lots of nutrients to boost your immune system 

⁃ Azriel and Feyre both tell him to calm down and that you just need to rest, so Cassian carries you everywhere. He is undressing you, lifting you into the bathtub, washing your hair…

⁃ And then he discovers how much he likes carrying you everywhere, cradling you to his chest bridal style. It becomes a tough habit for him to break once you’re feeling better

Lucien

⁃ listens to you and what you need

⁃ He’ll do lots of small things, like bringing you a sweet treat or small gift to cheer you up

⁃ Knowing you feel terrible, he consistently tells you how beautiful you look and how lucky he is to be your mate, despite your laughter and protests

⁃ Plans a special night for the two of you once you’re better doing something he knows you love 

Eris

⁃ this sweet baby is on high alert the moment he notices something is wrong

⁃ Once you’ve assured him that no one hurt you, you just aren’t feeling well, he checks you over thoroughly

⁃ He will make sure that you are tended to for everything you could need, assigning various people to give you medicine, cook you whatever meals you like, etc

⁃ But he’ll complain that they’re not doing a sufficient job and take over, halting his duties to take care of you

Throne of Glass

Rowan

⁃ Teases you for getting sick, saying you’re being irresponsible and not taking care of yourself

⁃ But he’ll insist on caring for you, making no sure you get plenty of rest and that no one bothers you with responsibilities

⁃ He’s the perfect one to hold you when you’re sick, his warm body soothing against yours as he wills a gentle, cool wind against your face

Crescent City

Hunt

⁃ he’d hear your small cough when he came in the house and immediately crumble

⁃ He’d rush over to you, asking what hurts and if he can get you anything to drink or eat, ordering your favorite food to be delivered

⁃ He’d pick you up in his lap, bundling you in blankets as he held you close until you fall asleep

⁃ He’d let you watch whatever show you wanted, even if the sunball game was on (but once you’re asleep, sunball is back on the TV)

⁃ Forehead kisses. Constantly. Carrying you into the shower, softly washing your body while he kisses all over your head and shoulders, wherever he can show physical affection

Ruhn

⁃ This cute dumbass would tease you at first, probably ask if you’re hungover 

⁃ Once he realizes you’re sick, he’d go all out. Messaging Flynn and Dec to gather food and medicine for you while he sets you up in your shared room with blankets, pillows, TV, etc

⁃ He lays in bed with you, absentmindedly playing with your hair, watching tv, just to be there if you need anything and so you don’t feel alone

⁃ He’s definitely searching on his phone “will I catch my girlfriend’s sickness if I go down on her?”

#acotar #acotar x reader #crescent city #crescent city x reader #throne of glass #throne of glass x reader #acotar headcanons #acotar imagine #azriel acotar #rhys acotar #cassian #lucien vanserra #eris vanserra #throne of glass headcanons #rowan whitethorn #crescent city headcanons #ruhn danaan #hunt athalar #azriel x reader #rhys x reader #cassian x reader #rowan x reader #hunt x reader #ruhn x reader #acotar fluff #acotar azriel #cassian acotar #ruhn danaan x reader #hunt athalar x reader #lucien x reader

[loyalhorror]

one of the things that does aggravate me about that post though is this (and other similar sentiments):

If you want an environment in which you feel safe from covid, at this point in the pandemic (when the virus is endemic and not spreading rapidly as far as we can see from case counts) it is your responsibility to take the steps necessary to make you feel safe.

because like. actually it sucks that i have to keep myself safe, and also there IS no environment in which i feel safe... because nobody is masking. my primary issue is that nobody is masking on public transport and in crowded indoor spaces. i can't really make myself feel "safe" when that safety relies on other people. yknow?

i don't appreciate that that post, like so many people who choose not to mask anymore, places the responsibility of keeping oneself safe on the people who are most at risk (to be clear i'm not particularly at risk other than having mild asthma, but the post addresses immunocompromised people specifically here and i think it's kind of shitty to say "well a terminal cancer patient has to keep themselves safe, it's nobody else's responsibility to do so" even if it's true).

idk, like. the post does a great job of explaining the online fearmongering and paranoia and reassuring us that things aren't as bad as that even if covid is still a very real threat... and for the most part, it also does a good job of like, explaining that look, people are not being malicious here they're just trying to live in a way that makes sense to them

buuuut it still kind of feels like it misses the point that people who are worried about catching covid are worried because there is only so much they can do to mitigate that risk if the people around them won't do the same. i mask up every time i'm indoors but i still have to take public transport where almost nobody is masking, ventilation is questionable, and i have no fucking idea how many people's infected breath is still lingering in the air.

like. i think it would be unreasonable of me to expect everyone to mask up at every single indoor gathering forever and to never go out and do anything that poses a slight risk of respiratory infection transmission. people deserve to live their lives as they choose.

but i don't think it's unreasonable to be frustrated that people won't even mask on crowded buses or trains or in doctor's waiting rooms anymore. idk. there's a difference there, to me, even if i can't fully articulate it, and even if i KNOW that it's my own responsibility to keep myself safe, i don't think it's unreasonable to be upset that i'm the only one shouldering that burden. yknow?

#rat.exe #plagueblogging #that said it is a VERY good post and i'm glad i read it. i just have some nitpicks.

[wormeats]

I fell for propaganda and was turned against those I have always wanted to root for

I wanted to send this to the CDC somehow, but the email contact form on their website has a character limit and I'm incapable of being concise. I thought this might be helpful for some people to see because it took me a while to reflect on.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, living in Florida, being young and trans and traumatized by the current political climate and dangers posed by the pandemic, I was swayed by likely a mix of propaganda and a fear and anger response to the amount of stress that time came with. I found myself trusting in the CDC less because of several things that I never fully examined until now recently. It was all just a mix of fear and hopeless rage about public health and my fears about our political climate, and much of that was directed at the CDC. Upon examining this recently, I think this was because I assumed the CDC had more power than it may actually have in enforcing public health. I thought isolation periods could be more solidly mandated, that mask wearing could be solidly mandated, and so on. I assumed the CDC had more control over when schools reopened for children (I now realize a lot of this is controlled by states individually or even more locally), and in my fear of the pandemic and distrust in the CDC sowed by being worried about the country as a whole, I even failed to fully weigh the consideration that virtual learning has a significant impact on Anyone’s mental health and that for children especially, social and emotional development should be fostered and that is an issue that gravely concerns mental health extending to the rest of their lives. I thought the CDC could require employers to keep allowing employees to have sick days when testing positive, so they wouldn't have to make a choice between risking their job and livelihood versus strangers’ physical health and possibly risking permanent damage or death for some with no way to tell (I'm grateful that the risk has been reduced so much by vaccines/boosters and being cautious with masking and washing hands, but I feel it is so important to allow isolation away from work when it concerns transmission and health and recovery). I particularly was swayed more into distrust when I heard that Delta airlines wrote a letter asking the CDC to update isolation periods for vaccinated individuals who would still be required to mask, believing there was no new data to give confidence to such a change in recommendations (10 day isolation period to 5 day isolation and next 5 days with a mask), but found there explicitly was reasoning given on the CDC update from that time available to view on the website’s archives (these have been very helpful because the time of all of this was an emotional traumatizing blur, so specifics are hard to remember). Before I examined this all more after the fact, this led me to believe that the CDC was influenced by economic concerns and the workforce instead of public health and keeping those workers alive and healthy, and furthered my distrust.

I am glad that now I have further examined where this distrust has come from and found that it was irrational on my part, and I regret that I carried on with this tainted view of the CDC for so long. I have struggled with this because I did have a strong trust in the CDC and felt more unsure of where I should find reliable information, knowing the CDC certainly has more expertise than I and has likely devoted a lot of time and research to any particular consideration I might come up with. I hope if others were similarly swayed by political propaganda that sought to utilize fear and stress from the pandemic, that they too come to reexamine how they came to think that way and find trust in this institution of scientists who are clearly passionate about public health and finding ways to keep all of us safe with many unpredictable variables to consider. I feel very ashamed that I allowed my trust in the CDC to be shaken to this extent. I hope scientific research, public health concerns, environmental concerns, and any crisis that requires humanity to understand facts and cooperate is taken more seriously and listened to from experts in each respective field and not turned into political opinions one way or the other. I am so devastated by all the damage COVID has done that feels like it could've been so preventable if this didn't become a political issue and remained a public health crisis to work through cooperatively. I have now come to see that I think the CDC did as much as it could through all of this with all of the consideration at the time and with its limited influence amidst political stress.

Thank you everyone at the CDC, I am sorry that I fell for this propaganda, and I would like to talk to as many people in my life about addressing propaganda and fully considering that no one is fully safe from falling prey to propaganda and biases we don't realize are tainting our full view. Thank you again so much for everything incredible that you have done for humanity. Be kind to yourselves everyone, shit has been so hard honestly.

#cdc #center for disease control and prevention #propaganda #covid #covid19 #covid-19 #covid 19 #coronavirus #public health #idk what to tag aaaaaa #also i was Pretty Sure from everything i was looking at and trying to find that the CDC didnt have as much power to set mandates and stuff #But in case i missed something and am wrong on anything i said here plsss let me know i would wanna look into that :o #bc i kept trying to dig further and find if the cdc did anything i actually disagreed with or thought was irresponsible #and i think most of it was just i thought they could do more Oop and the trump administration did not make shit easy

[genuinenoprize]

covid is not going anywhere ma'am, nobody is going to put their lives on hold for the rest of their lives. i spent three entire years not doing anything, not going anywhere besides work and home, and i wanted to die the whole time. we are way way past the point of being able to eradicate this because so many people don't care. working a job with a lot of people younger than me made me realize that these kids just do not care if they kill someone or not. I am the ONLY person who works there who still wears a mask everyday and uses gloves to make the food. it makes me sick to my stomach, but I can't just never do anything I want to do ever again because of these people. I do frequent covid testing and if I ever contract covid at a concert, I will just immediately quarantine myself and no one else will get sick. but I'm not gonna be miserable for the rest of my life waiting for assholes to care about other people, it's not ever going to happen. and I am immunocompromised btw. sorry if this came off as rude, wasn't my intention. I just think it's an important conversation to have. the people going to two concerts a year are not your enemy, it's the people that go out every single night partying without being vaccinated, without covid testing beforehand, the people not wearing masks, it's the people that don't care. that's your enemy, not the overworked poor people just trying to find some joy in life before their disabilities get so bad they won't be able to anymore. I hope you have a great day, and please be safe out there we need to keep people like you around. sidenote: you're really pretty ❤

Thank you, I was mostly venting on that post because concerts and especially conventions seem like parties to me since I constantly hear stories of otherwise responsible people going to one, catching it, and saying "I'm not sure where I got it". (this post gets personal and heavy below, feel free to skip)

For my part, I spent over 20 years living in my room under my parents in functional quarantine, and then moved out when an Actual quarantine started. Let me tell you it is not easier when it's your entire life. Like the suicidal ideation of growing up has been replaced with constant threats from people who couldn't be damned to wash their hands occasionally or read the news once every couple of years.

It feels like those truly reckless, selfless, arrogant assholes who pretend like covid "is over" or never happened as an excuse to ignore any responsibility or safety have taken part of my future from me. So, I'm touchy about this.

Though in retrospect the most frustrating part for me was hearing people talk during the very beginning, when no one knew how long things would last. Parents saying "Oh my gosh am I going to have to spend a whole 3 months with my child!? Shoot me!". People bemoaning how they couldn't possibly go a whole 6 months without sex. "How do you even spend that much time when you're at home?" "But what about my Disneyland annual pass?". From the word go it felt like people were screaming that they couldn't possibly handle the authoritarian punishment of,,, one of Skye's summer vacations.

It was hard not to feel bitter, not at the opportunities I've lost because I never really felt like I had them. It was hard not to feel bitter at others for having unrecognizably different lives and seemingly scoffing at the idea that they might have to live like I did, even for a little while. Maybe the most frustrating part of hearing those comments was admitting to myself that, by their standard, my life had been a waste up until that point. That my "normal childhood" really was just one long traumatic incident.

At the time I felt smugly superior because all these people were announcing they couldn't handle my hardships but now? I'm mostly burnt out. I occasionally find that fire when someone is being truly reckless in public but, most of the time I'm just exhausted. Probably from long covid, because I was stupid enough to go christmas shopping for my wife.

I am trying to do better, both to myself and others. But it's hard knowing that some people would watch us die just to avoid an inconvenience. Not to mention, since I'm trans, I'm sure some of them would cheer.

Trying to go on after facing that has been a process for me.

All this to say, I appreciate your message, and I hope you have a great day too.

#personal post #vent #suicide tw #covid

[swilkas]

Tomorrow I'm going to go to work and I'll do everything my boss tells me to do. I'm going to neglect a lot of my safety concerns about covid and just do what he says.

#janitor ethical dilemmas #im not going to clean bathroom stall locks and handles or sanitary receptacles or sink handles or soap dispensers or the bars for disability #or the toilet flush buttons or the baby changing stations #just the door handles and the toilet seats #i feel like I'm responsible to keep people safe from covid at my job and that i should do my best to prevent covid infections #but if i get fired then the new person will just do the same things boss tells us to do #so if i stick to my morals and get fired #the outcome would be the same as me just sucking it up and do the job im paid to do #am i being overdramatic or am i right

[benlaksana]

2021

It's been roughly a year and a half since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic here in Indonesia, and I've recently been trying to understand where I'm at. Not physically, as in physical space, but mentally and probably existentially. What is the state of my mind? I am aware that I've become somewhat bitter, my late nights are sometimes riddled with anxiety for what the next day may bring and reoccurring personal-collective grief has at times, and recently more often than I would like to admit, numbed me.

This may probably be my mind's automatic coping mechanism seeing all this death mainly as a result of how my government has failed us, its citizens, especially during a time of crises. And I really need to stress this point: how my government has failed us Indonesians during the times we need it the most and I very much believe that it is because of this why many of us Indonesians are in constant misery and haunted by that feeling of despair. If chronic physical pain causes constant daily anguish, I am not surprised if chronic physical and mental pain caused by structural violence causes persistent misery as well.

I'm somewhat fortunate in this regard, I'm grateful that I've learned ways to keep my sanity in check. My contemplative practice is key for me. Honestly, I wouldn't have gotten far in life without it. I have many people to thank, but Art Buehler especially, my former professor in esoteric contemplative/meditative practices who reminded me and pointed a certain possible direction of where I should head when I sense a lost in my life's direction, is one those I should thank the most. I know this seems like an individualized response to structural oppression, and I don't intend to paint such a picture, but I do believe we need some kind of mental stability to keep on going. To survive if not thrive.

Art sadly passed away in 2019. I received an email about his passing. And come to think of it I never really did allow myself to properly grieve for his passing. I don't know why. To be told through a short concise email that someone you cared for died, without having the opportunity to properly say goodbye feels like that person never really passed away. It is horrible way to end relationships. A sudden cut, nothing finalized, and since goodbyes are relational, now nothing can really ever be concluded. I have to make amends with myself and only with myself. If I said goodbye yesterday, or if I say goodbye today or perhaps tomorrow, will it ever be enough for me?

Life is individual yet also relational. It's good to have friends, family, people that care for you or the odd mix of all three to get you through life. So although I have these array of tools to possibly help get me through life but if the people whom you look for some kind direction is no longer present, I'm just not sure for how long I can maintain it if I'm doing all this by myself. Will a breaking point come to me?

The mind is a fickle thing, and the mind is as strong as its habits. Bad habits, bad mind. Good habits, good healthy mind (no habits, no mind?). They also say that things that might happen, will indeed happen. It is just a matter of time. If so, how will I break? To what extent? For how long? What will change? What will I lose? Will there be something renewed? Will I come out the same person? Will I come out changed but for the worst?

This is one of the things that worries me. That certainty of uncertainty. The certainty of breaking, the uncertainty of when and of its form. Will I explode in sudden exasperation, engulfed in madness? Will it be a quick balloon pop yet a slow descend into meaninglessness? An unabashed diatribe rant towards someone I care? Something that's just a twitter post away from me on actually doing it. Will this be an opening, an opportunity for 'satori', a sudden lift of the 'veil', bringing about comprehension and understanding of the true nature of things? Questions, questions, questions, not much when it comes to answers, is all I have for now. To be hopeful is hard these days and with the wavering hope, very much coming and going like waves, it has become incredibly hard to even retain any semblance of kindness. That is something I do not want to actively become a habit of. Without hope, comes the cold embrace of fatalism that many on the 'left' are guilty of. Clutched by fatalism, empathy becomes harder to come by. I've seen it, and I have felt it.

I know that my eroding sense of hope is connected to my personal dreams. Specifically how it has become very hard to actualize it. Rara and I never really planned on staying in Indonesia for long. I was confident enough, a bit too confident come to think of it, that we will be out of Indonesia by 2021 the latest. A mere 2 1/2 years after our last stay in New Zealand. The plan was for me to continue my studies, getting into a Ph.D. program and of course a scholarship. That was our ticket out. Hoping that we'll be back to our old routine in Wellington, in and out the university's library, my head in books, loving our 'flatwhites' while regretting having too much of it, the usual stint doing some university tutoring, community organizing stuff, lazy gardening, out and about on the weekends tramping around Wellington and if Covid did not happen or/and maybe if my government handled things much, much better I think that would've been the case. Or at least I constantly would like to imagine that would be the case.

Yet here we are still in Indonesia, me struggling to do my Ph.D. through this wretched distant learning, initially in the comfort of my home yet steadily devolving into cabin fever. And Rara with her own struggles trying her best to get back on her feet as an aspiring musician. None of it is going as well as we had hoped for. All this while juggling trying our best to keep ourselves safe and our families and friends safe. Both of us have become direct witnesses how challenging this has been, physically and mentally. Both of us slowly grappling with the continual kick in the gut, the never ending structural absurdity, violently absurd.

That slow grueling realization of how fragile our lives are. Not just existentially. It is existentially precarious yet at the same time understanding that precariousness in many of its aspects is structurally and politically maintained. It is this political construction of precarity, which Isabell Lorey elaborates in her book State of Insecurity: Government of the Precarious, that angers and saddens us the most.

Lorey provides a nuanced approach in unpacking and differentiating this thing called being 'precarious'. The three dimensions of being precarious: precariousness, precarity and then precarization. On precariousness, Lorey draw's on Judith Butler's conceptualization of precariousness which she sees as existential, relational and inevitable. I'll insert my existential philosophy and Buddhist values here, to help me see and more importantly accept the transient nature of life and that impermanence or change is the only constant. Our lives, our bodies are destined to die and wither away. We humans are fragile mortal beings. The loss of life, the loss of one's identity, the loss of everything that makes us, us is unavoidable. It's also a 'relational' thing, as in it is also a shared experience. Everyone will experience it. It is the great equalizer some say.

Then we have precarity. Yes everyone dies, but the process of dying or even the process of grieving someone's death is dependent on what Lorey see as the “effects of different political, social and legal compensations of a general precariousness”. Some die at young age due to starvation, riddled with poverty and disease and have nothing or no one to ease their pain, others die surrounded by family and friends in a well-cared for hospital. Some have days or weeks to grieve, others have to go back to work the next day as she or he have no luxury to stop working even just for a moment and simply grieve. To stop working even for a day draws some closer to the possibility of death for the person or those dependent on the person working. This is the inequality of dying and grieving due to our social hierarchies. How fragile we are, is dependent on those social hierarchies.

And last we have Lorey's third dimension, governmental precarization which is the instrumentalization of insecurity by the government. In other words, the government using the idea and the reality of insecurity as a tool or device to control its citizens. The calculated, deliberate attempt by the government in destabilizing our lives in order for us to be easily governed. Insecurity, be it real or due to perceived constructed fear of insecurity is an effective governing tool. The fear of being labeled "useless and lacking in contribution to the nation-state". The genuine insecurity of not being able to get a job due to the false understanding that it is simply a result of an individual's laziness rather than due to systematic government policies. The deliberate attempt in making our lives constantly insecure, constantly on the edge, without us initially knowing it and when we do come to understand, the blame is on us. It is normalized and it is internalized.

This is not simply a social issue, it is a deeply existential one as well. We Indonesians have very little to make us feel safe at the moment. Covid and the government's response to it has severely limited our movements and it's not simply physical immobility, but also an existential one, the inability to even have the imagination that our lives are actually "going somewhere", towards a forward direction. Perhaps some sort of minute incremental progress, but progress nonetheless. This imagined mobility is what Ghassan Hage calls as "existential mobility" and this immobility suffered by many of us is what he also calls as "stuckedness".

Turning an often momentary or the ephemeral nature of a crisis into something prolonged and perhaps even permanent is another part of the strategy of governmental precarization. Our lives or jobs are always on the line and again coupled with the sick prevailing idea that we only have ourselves to find the solution. The crisis is permanent, we don't know why but we've been told that way, if we fail to overcome it is because of our personal inabilities thus proliferating and intensifying this sense of stuckedness.

Forcing us to accept whatever solution the government-messiah presents us with in order to relieve us from this suffering. From labour laws that normalizes precariousness even more, to oppressive new laws that limits our desire and ability to dissent, to including who or how our enemies are defined, easily accepting who is to blame for all this insecurity we are all suffering.

Be it the long dead Indonesian communists, the Chinese Indonesians and the racist perception of them being "selfish and greedy", the Indonesian Islamists - the kadruns and their conservatism, the "foreign forces" whomever they may be constantly trying to take over Indonesia, anyone or anything is to blame. Anyone but the Indonesian government and its affluent patrons. Insecurity and the fear that rises from it renders many of us easily governable and compliant.

This governmental precarization and this 'stuckedness', which Hage sees no longer as a possibility that may or may not happen but an "inevitable pathological state which has to be endured" is how Rara and I feel at the moment.

Rara and I feel our lives are going nowhere. We feel that our lives are stuck, constantly rotating in a hamster wheel trying our best to overcome our precariousness. No progress, no forward movement, no growth, just trying our best to survive from this sustained uncertainty. It's an awful feeling, paving way to existential dread. We are very much looking forward to moving back to New Zealand as soon as possible but with the conditions right now, that is something I can't even dare to imagine.

And although I am grateful that the weave of our privilege with at many times just pure sheer luck has kept us alive and physically well for the time being, we both now realize that we have hit a proverbial concrete wall here. Adding to the already precarious nature of life here in Indonesia, our line of work as a fledgling social science academic and aspiring artist and what Rara and I aspire to do socially, what we aspire to become, easily ends in stagnation if we intend to continue to live our lives in Indonesia. (I want to direct you to Social Science and Power edited by Vedi Hadiz and Daniel Dhakkidae to get the gist of what I'm trying to get at here.)

This is a hard pill to swallow, harder to write and even more so to act upon. I am existentially tied to Indonesia, my family and friends are here, my father is buried here and so will my mother. Memories of the distant past, the colloquial language when shitposting on social media, my mind and body have been shaped by Indonesia in ways I possibly do not even fully realize. This is why I oscillate between guilt towards others and guilt towards the self. I feel guilty for simply having an exit strategy when many others don't, I have the luxury of choice. Yet I also I feel guilty for feeling guilty about this, as it means I am also neglecting the well-being of myself, now and in the future. I need to work on this and find my bearings, being stuck in a guilty limbo won't get me anywhere.

And the future is far from stable, I wonder what is on the other end of surviving this pandemic? There is so much collective grief, collective anger and of course personal anger. All this will amount to something, I'm sure of that. Although I don't know what exactly, I'm not entirely confident this something will be good. John Keane's new book 'The New Despotism' comes into mind.

What do I personally do with all this anger? I’ve noticed how anger, especially when it is on the verge of hatred, morphs itself and easily descends into madness, into aggression and often showing itself, unawaringly to us, when the act of expressing anger happens. Your mind becomes instantly clouded, ending in mindless action. This inability to have control over oneself terrifies me. I already have so very little semblance of control over life in general at the moment, if I truly have no control over myself whatsoever, what then do I have?

And I wonder if it is a waste of time asking these pseudo-intellectual questions? I don't know, yet I do know I live in a society where it hones aggression and hostility, whether it be in physical and digital spaces, and I would like to draw myself away from all this at the moment before I transform myself into something I do not wish to be. Anger I can fully understand, and it is needed and useful. Yet to actively transform it into deep blinding hatred and sustain it daily, is something I feel psychologically destructive for me and I'm trying my best not to go on that path.

I rarely update this blog I know, but this blog has always been used as a personal chronicle of how much I have progressed, digressed or both. And I needed to write all this, because I've never been this least sure of what my life should be like and where it should go. I know I am not alone at this. This pandemic has destroyed the lives of many, our futures, our dreams, our sources of love and I hope that anyone of you reading this finds a way to get through it, doing anything you can do day in, day out.

I'm not sure it if amounts to anything. Maybe it won't, maybe it will, or maybe it has but maybe we just can't see it. All I can personally do for now, is to hold on to these 'maybes', and maybe, just maybe I'll get through this too.

“Where must we go...

We who wonder this Wasteland

in search of our better selves?”

- The First History Man, George Miller

[positivelyadhd]

Hiya! Hope you've been well! Recently I joined a new group chat for ND people and it's been really nice so far! Able to help and support each other and get things off our chest if we need it. People have told me I'm very kind which is really nice to hear! Also started drawing with a tablet recently, and I'm definitely improving! Asked a friend for some advice and they said they're honoured I ask them for help with drawing! 1/?

hi!! i oml i have so much to say i'm gonna put your asks and my response under the cut so it doesn't get too long haha

tell me something that's made you happy recently

you are so kind our interactions always make me so happy thank you for being such a positive part of this community! and aaa i'm so glad to hear you got to be part of a group of ND people! talking to other ND people is my favourite it's so nice to feel understood <33 2/? Tomorrow we're going out to dinner with lots of family members for my grandfather's birthday, all staying safe of course! Everyone save for the little ones are vaccinated and we're spread over two tables. Saturday my Shakespeare theatre group is coming together again for the first time in a while! Reached out - or rather, cycled to - a friend wondering if they'd like to join again, but they said they play D&D on Saturdays, so I wished them the best and hope that I get to see them again soon! I hope you have a good time out with your family!! I got to see my family for the first time recently after covid and it was so lovely it's nice to be able to spend time with them again! awh goodness a shakespare theatre group sounds so fun oml but also,, i dearly love d&d so i'm excited for your friend to play that regularly!! it's so lovely of you to go see them to see if they wanted to join your group again though i hope you had a good time seeing them!! 3/? Also, therapy is going really well! Able to keep myself stable better. Whenever I see something bad from my past, I'm not as disturbed as I was before. I've also been talking with a contact person who is more focused on laying the groundwork for a study or job for autistic people. Many thoughts in my mind have been really neatly sorted into a few categories and steps that are way easier to follow! Programming is what I want to do, part time study and job. Will start looking next year! I'm so happy to hear therapy is going well for you!! I'm proud of the progress you've made look after yourself my friend <33 that job opportunity sounds so exciting oml and especially programming is so interesting that's such a cool job to do I hope you have fun!! 4/4 (Don't want to make it waaay to long /lh) Currently playing a survival/building game and managed to deal with some problems in the game that I couldn't find solutions for. Gonna head to bed soon, as I'm tired. Leo & Pipsqueak are next to me and I'm going to enjoy snuggling with them as it's cooling down here. Wishing you the best with your roommates & friends for Uni! Remember to take good care of yourself and stay safe! Love ya! /p Thank you so much!! i hope you slept well and give Leo and Pipsqueak my love! Take good care of yourself as well <33

#sorry it took forever to reply i fell asleep! #opening letters #love letters to the world #jdeck306

[nerdzzone]

Light After Dark: Chapter Two

Summary: Brooke Harris was trying her best to be grateful. As the world tackled the COVID-19 pandemic, she was healthy and safe and so was the rest of her family, but her dreams had very quickly been crushed by the economic fallout. Trapped on the quaint island of Jersey with nothing, but free time to wallow in her mistakes, Brooke’s mental health was taking a hit, but when she collides with a handsome stranger she starts to realize that the future might not be so bleak and there might still be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC

Note: I was planning for this to be longer so I’m sorry if this is a bit of a boring chapter, but I figured something is better than nothing and it gives some more insight into Brooke’s life. The next chapter shouldn’t take me as long as this one did so don’t lose hope! And a big thank you for every like and reblog of chapter one!

______________

April. 17. 2020

Considering I was anxious and restless before injuring my ankle, the few days after were fairly close to absolute hell. I couldn't put much weight on it, not enough to walk on, so I was stuck on the couch with my foot raised up on the ottoman unable to hobble away from my mother's fussing. She felt guilty for forcing me out of the house the day I got hurt and therefore felt she needed to hover and fret around me all day to make up for it. I mean, it was nice to have someone bring me drinks and snacks whenever I needed them, but for the most part constantly being asked if I was alright and the endless fluffing of cushions was suffocating.

There was a reprieve though on the fifth day after my injury. For once, during the evening, everyone was off doing their own thing and I had the living room to myself. I had a full glass of wine, a bowl of popcorn and I was enjoying the peace and quiet. It was just the break I'd needed and I was feeling fully refreshed as my movie finished and my sister flopped down on the couch next to me.

"Hey, Cassie," I greeted her, but was met with a simple grunt in response. "Where's Molly?"

"I sent her out to the garden with Mum," She sighed. "I just got off the phone with Luke."

I shot her a sympathetic look before nodding my head towards the bottle of wine on the table.

"Pour yourself a glass," I instructed. "You look like you need it."

She nodded, quickly dragged herself off the couch and headed to the kitchen before appearing moments later with a glass in her hand. Once she'd poured herself some wine, topped mine off and settled in, I resumed my questioning.

"Is Luke doing alright?"

She sighed again and took a large gulp of her drink before nodding.

"He is, yeah," She assured me. "It's just hard. He misses us, Molly in particular of course, and he's down about all the horrible things he's been seeing. So like, he's fine, but he's not. He's struggling emotionally, I can tell, but he doesn't want to talk about it when I call. And I'm so worried about him. They don't have enough PPE, supplies are dwindling, as if his job just isn't dangerous enough at times like this."

Her words came out in practically all one breath as she toyed with the necklace around her neck, one that Luke had bought her just before we left London. Her grip on the wine glass in her hand had me worried she would snap the stem, but my heart really went out to her.

"He's going to be fine," I assured her, knowing my lack of expertise on the subject would really do little to comfort her. "Luke is responsible and cautious. Even if they don't have enough protective equipment, he won't go running into a situation that isn't safe. He knows what he has to lose if he gets sick, he'll do anything to make sure he gets back to you safely at the end of all this."

"I know, I know," She took another swig from her glass. "But it's not always in his control and I know him well enough to know he wouldn't ignore someone who needed help just because he didn't have the right protection."

"But he'll take whatever precautions he can," I insisted. "He loves you more than he loves the job."

"I know," She repeated with a sigh. "It's just hard being apart for so long. I really miss him."

"I know you do," I smiled sympathetically. "I can't even imagine how hard that must be, but if we all just stay home and away from other people this whole mess can't go on forever."

Cassie shot me a suspicious look with a smirk on her face.

"That's the most positive thing I've heard you say since we got here. Are you feeling okay? Did Dad slip you some good painkillers?"

I tried to swat at her from my side of the couch, but my elevated ankle restricted my movement.

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes. "Being the tortured, mopey one is my thing. I'm just trying to stop you from stealing my aesthetic."

"Your aesthetic?" Cassie raised an eyebrow at my word choice. "You sound like a wannabe teenage Instagram model."

I giggled, realizing it was true.

"What can I say?" I asked in a very bad valley girl american accent. "I like totally have to keep my followers happy or I won't get any likes."

She stared at me blankly for a moment before she burst out laughing.

"That was horrifying," She informed me. "Please, never do that again."

"Oh, you just wait," I teased. "Only a few more years until Molly discovers the world of likes and followers..."

She cringed at the thought.

"A few? I'm hoping for at least ten..."

"Ten?!" I laughed at her optimism. "Maybe five, but I seriously doubt she'll stay off social media until she's seventeen."

"I didn't have Instagram until I was twenty-four."

"Only because it didn't exist," I scoffed. "If it was around when we were teenagers, you would have been all over it."

"But we didn't so I can still hold that over Molly's head when she starts insisting she needs it," She smirked as she reached for the bottle of wine on the table. That was when she noticed that Man of Steel was on the TV. "Oh my god, are you watching his movie?"

I felt my cheeks up as I realized she'd caught me, but I tried to play it cool.

"I've never seen the whole thing," I shrugged. "It was on Netflix so I figured I'd give it a go, it wasn't because he's in it."

"Oh, I see," She nodded as she filled her glass and poured the last splash into mine. "It's just a coincidence that after being carried around in Superman's arms, you're suddenly interested in watching his movie."

Her words were dripping with sarcasm, but I just rolled my eyes.

"He carried me out of necessity," I reminded her. "And I told him he didn't have to."

"How was it out of necessity if he didn't have to?" She smirked. "And then he just had to have your phone number, was that out of necessity too?"

I tossed the last few kernels of my popcorn at her, but she just shielded her face as she laughed.

"Asking for my phone number was clearly out of politeness," I informed her. "Since I haven't heard anything from him."

"Didn't he message you that night after you met?"

I nodded, but felt a familiar disappointment.

"He did," I confirmed. "And we chatted a bit, but I haven't head from him since."

"Well that was only, what? Four days ago?" Cassie pointed out. "That's not long enough to give up hope, he's probably just busy."

I raised an eyebrow at her suggestion.

"Busy doing what? We're in the middle of a pandemic, no one can go anywhere or do anything."

"People still have commitments," She reminded me, frowning at my pessimism. "And mum says he hasn't been home for ages so he's probably got a lot of catching up to do with his family."

"I guess that's true."

"Besides," She started, a smirk replacing her frown. "Why do you even care so much?"

"I don't!" I lied. "It doesn't even matter. Nothing could happen between us anyway with all this going on. He's just nice to look at so it was nice to daydream for a moment."

"Of course something could happen! My friend met a new guy on a dating app since all this started and she seems really happy with him."

"Have they even met yet?"

"No," Cassie admitted sensing my skepticism. "But you have met Henry so you don't have that issue!"

"But we wouldn't be able to get within six feet of each other for potentially a few months," I resisted. "And even when we can get closer to each other, kissing or whatever might not be allowed until there's a vaccine so what’s the point?"

"Ooh, ‘or whatever’," Cassie wiggled her eyebrows, her low alcohol tolerance clearly showing. "But seriously, if things start easing up in a couple months then kissing a man might not be so dangerous."

"I have asthma," I reminded her. "Kissing a man could actually kill me."

She tossed her head back and groaned at my stubbornness.

"Well by the time you're able to, you might not even want to. But you won't know unless you send him a fucking text."

As she was speaking, the door to the back patio flung open and a tiny, but very loud voice filled the room.

"Mummy said a naughty word!"

My niece, Molly, screamed as she flew through the door.

"She did!" I agreed. "That wasn't very polite of her, was it?"

"No!" Molly shook her head, dirt that had been smeared in her hair falling to the floor from the motion. "Naughty words hurt people's feelings!"

"They do! My feelings are very hurt."

Molly frowned at that information as she put her dirty little hands on her hips.

"Mummy, you need to apologize."

Cassie rolled her eyes as she turned to me and I smirked.

"I'm sorry for using a naughty word and hurting your feelings, Brooke," She said reluctantly. "But I stand by what I said. You don't have to wait for him to make the first move."

"The first move?" Molly questioned, her face lighting up. "Are you playing a game? Can I play?"

I laughed at her enthusiasm as her mother and I shook our heads.

"No, sweetie, we're not playing a game," Cassie told her. "And you can't do anything until we get you all cleaned up! Shall we go run you a bath?"

Molly looked disappointed, but nodded her little head.

"I got really dirty helping Nana plant some plants..."

"I can see that," Cassie smiled. "Let's go wash it all off."

I smiled as they left the room, leaving me to my thoughts. I went back and forth on whether I should message Henry and was just about to pull out my phone to maybe write a draft when my parents came through the door Molly had just appeared in. Taking it as a sign to not do what I was about to do, I locked my phone and put it back down.

"Hey, sweetie," My mum smiled at me. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine," I assured her. "And honestly, my ankle's a lot better. I can hobble around enough to look after myself."

"I know, but you don't need to while I'm here," She insisted. "I never get to dote on you girls much anymore, it's been nice having an excuse."

"I know and I appreciate it, but I'm fine."

My mom nodded and kissed my head as she walked past on her way to the stairs that Cassie had just chased Molly up.

"Just shout if you need anything," My dad added as he followed her. "Goodnight, kiddo."

The days were getting longer so I hadn't realized it was almost eight o'clock already. I shouted my goodnights before putting the empty wine glasses in the empty popcorn bowl, scooping up my phone and limping into the kitchen. Once the dishes were tidied away, I went up to my room and quickly changed into some pajamas before getting comfortable on my bed with my foot elevated once again.

I set my laptop up next to me with something mindless playing on Netflix before turning my attention back to my phone. I opened my conversation with Henry, but I was at a loss for words. He was a world famous superstar. He worked with and probably dated some of the most attractive women in the world. Why would he want to hear from me?

I closed the conversation again with a sigh, wishing I had some more wine to relieve some of my inhibitions. I was just about to put my phone away in defeat when a stroke of curiosity hit me and I opened Instagram instead. I liked a few posts that friends had made before tapping on the search bar and tentatively typing Henry's name. A few fan pages popped up, but his account was there with that coveted blue tick. I felt a strange nervous bubbling in my stomach, like I was somehow infringing on his privacy, but it was there for anyone to see so I decided to scroll just a bit.

He didn't post much, but that made sense from what I knew of him. He didn't strike me as the kind of person who wanted everything in his life to be on display plus he was a pretty busy guy with all the movies and shows he'd been in lately. There were a few pictures of Kal, a few pictures of some baking and cooking he'd been doing, a few horses and some lovely selfies. One in particular caught my eye. He was wearing a rugby jersey and his hair was long with a slight curl. His jaw was strong and he looked incredibly handsome.

I clicked on it eagerly, hoping to get a better look, but my heart sank instantly as that little heart popped up. I'd liked it. A picture from six months ago. He would know I was creeping through his photos, it was such a rookie mistake! I cursed myself, quickly closing the app and tossing my phone onto the bed as if it never happened if I couldn't see it. My cheeks burned with embarrassment and I suddenly remembered why I always felt like social media was much more suitable for the younger generations.

#light after dark #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fic #henry cavill x ofc

[swiftliv]

🦔🐧

Guess what I did last week? I bought socks with HEDGEHOGS ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS on them AND socks of PENGUINS SKIING. HOW AMAZING IS THAT!!!     

Anyway, well that's the last time I tell anyone anything about animal anons plans, otherwise they will be spoiled and ruined by my friends! Oh well, it's all in good fun (and also forced me to keep my commitment of posting tonight despite being depressed that Jurgen got sent home...#gbbospoilers)!

Well as many people have predicted correctly, I passed the Bar! Hallelujah! I was sworn in as an attorney this week so I am officially an esq! I also am scheduled to received my dolly booster shot next week and earlier this month I started a new (not 80 hours a week) job! So I have had a fabulous month and have many things to be thankful for including my epic sock purchase! Which is perfect timing for the holiday ahead! So I wanna know what you are thankful for this year? I know it's been a tough year for so many so it can be as small or as large as you can think!

I'm so excited to learn more about everyone's year and what you're thankful for! Remember to tag animal anon (if you so desire) because I love scrolling through all your amazing responses! And since it was requested of course I LOVE atwtmvtv and the short film! My favorite vault song is IBYTAM because I love LOVE LOVE CS (please everyone go watch his performance with Jhud from the CMAs, it is mind-blowing)!

And remember, animal anon thinks you are all beautiful talented gorgeous people who are all killing it at life! ❤

ANIMAL ANON I MISS YOU SO MUCH!! of course you passed!! i’m so proud of you 🥰 you deserve the biggest celebration that is such an amazing accomplishment!! these socks sound UNREAL i wish i could see a pic of them! my birthday actually lands on thanksgiving this year and i am so thankful for my close little covid bubble friends i’ve holed up with for the past 2 years during this panini. 2 of them have small kids so being safe and staying in together was a big priority and it honestly was the best experience, we cooked together and binge watched so many shows and i never felt lonely. i feel like it truly bonded us even more than we were already! i hope you have the most amazing holiday, you LAWYER!!! thank you for bringing so much joy to all of us, seeing you pop up in my inbox always makes me smile ❤️🦔

#animal anon #❤️❤️❤️❤️

[veterveter]

Hey hey, it's gay bike anon again! I'm more than honoured to get my own tag!!! I definitely would like to keep talking to you <3 And only love for you too <3

I'll gladly wait for your response to my ask (or asks??? we'll see one day ehehehe)! I feel you, when people cite some of my text messages from a few months (or more) ago I'm often like "nope, nah-ah, that's not me, you're wrong". Same for older essays, I often can't believe I wrote those. And even with things I wrote late at night a few weeks ago, sometimes I'm like "I wrote that? That monstrosity??? Okay, I need more sleep before writing". (My capacity of writing in correct English grammar usually goes to sleep before I do, same goes for varied word choice). But sometimes I'll see this project I've worked on YEARS ago and exactly recognize the pieces I wrote? Since the ask would be fairly recent, I suppose I would recognise my writing style and word choice and since I didn't wrote it whilst sleep deprived (I hope??) I'm setting my chances of recognising it pretty high. But we'll see one day, the mystery will marinate for a while... [I am rereading this in the daytime, and this is EXACTLY what I meant, at night I make the weirdest word choices?? I’m definitely not changing it though because I might find it kinda funny]

I snorted so hard about the way you talked about your almost-name, I'm giggling here like crazy. Apparently my name means something alike 'dedicated to God', but my parents aren't really believers, so gotta love that. The meaning of my sibling's name is 'summer', but I'm the one born in the summer, whilst my sibling is born in autumn, oops. Guess my parents never checked one of those sites/ books where you can find the meaning of a name hahaha.

I love how my ask was so weird and chaotic that you sent a screenshot to a friend. I LOVE that she had no idea what was going on. Then again, I watched the semis (obviously hahaha) but I had no idea what was going on either... But honestly it was peak Dutch culture, water and bicycles, I would just add an ode to 'hagelslag' and voila, the entirety of Dutch culture summed up... [Also: if you don't know: 'hagelslag' is just sprinkles which we eat on bread, yes, on bread, we do not not only eat sprinkles as on cake or on donuts, like in any other country, no, we put it on bread. It's actually a really popular sandwich topping here. My ultimate favourites are the chocolate ones, but you also have them in several fruity flavours (like forest fruit) and anise flavour.] Thank you, perfect chaotic energy is an ultimate goal I strive towards *bows like I'm Victorian royalty or something*

You're absolutely right, it went EXACTLY like that. Specifically, I would be studying for my exams, explaining topics to myself like I always do, so I'd tell myself "The six possible origins of economies of scope are indivisibility, specialisation, marketing, research and development, GUESS WHAT.. SUBWAY DRIVER GANDÍA... ehhh... what was I doing again??" OR: "one of the most detailed and most used models of responsive regulation is Brathwaite's piramid. His enforcement piramid visually shows, nope not important, SUBWAY DRIVER GANDÍAAAAAA" And I'd laugh, continue explaining theories and calculations to myself until my focus started lessening again and my thoughts would wander off again. I am VERY glad I'm not the only one who thinks about it from time to time, and I'm glad you're not suing me for any mental harm yet.

Yess, those pictures I saw from Promising Young Woman look so beautiful and aesthetic!! I'll probably watch it somewhere after the 16th, because I'll most likely have finished my last exams by then. I'll tell you what I thought about it! Thank you SO SO SO much for all the luck wishes!!!! I had an exam last Friday and I absolutely rewarded myself, because it went better than I expected and I passed an earlier exam and a paper too! I didn't buy myself a tricorne (yet), but I did buy funko pops (my inner economist said it was 100% rational because it was a really good deal hahaha). I still have two exams to go, so I could always buy a tricorne for finishing either of those, OR. EVEN BETTER. I'll ask my parents (or my grandparents) for one for my birthday. I mean, that would be hilarious. They'd be so confused. They've never seen S3 and S4 of LCDP so they'll have no idea, even if I tried to explain it. It would be so incredibly funny (and really really weird for them), I am laughing like crazy just at the thought of it.

I've never been in Finland before, but those temperatures do not sound legal indeed. I have no knowledge of Finnish law, but maybe article 3 of the European Convention on Human Rights, the prohibition of torture, would work? If I was the judge I’d 100% agree, so we should all sue the weather sksksks. I'm glad to have brought you rain though (and that I apparently possess the power to do so - magic weather controlling pirate seems like a nice enough job to me)!!! I hope the temperature has become at least somewhat lower. You're right, climate change should just... stop... right away. The weather is pretty weird here, right now: one day it will be super sunny and (at least) around 27 degrees and almost melting away, and the other day it will be raining and I'll be wearing my warmest sweater. Like, why the extremes??

I love that I am able to make you lose your coherent thoughts (that's probably why we have one brain energy about Underwater, because I, too, have the ability to make myself lose my coherent thoughts). I'm glad for your faith in my impersonation of Martín. I even started Duolingo Spanish again, and now know the phrase, "Yo bebo leche" (I drink milk) which obviously would be very important to him. Now I'll just need an Argentinian accent to go with it. Leaning menacingly on a cane would be GREAT, I love the idea. I'll open job applications for a Denver. Maybe my cat could help me, she, much like Denver, is super loud and she is super aggressive towards other cats, so there is potential there. And guiding dogs and even tiny guiding horses exist, why not a guiding cat?

I always assumed I would follow a more... you know… legal... career path, maybe even literally a career in law. But, my accounting professor also showed us how to manipulate financial statements ("so you can notice when people are doing this", uh-huh sure, sure that’s why) and another professor of mine also said that a criminal career sometimes could be the more rational, rewarding choice over a legally acceptable career. So, I suppose I should not be surprised by this sudden change of career plans. I should have seen this coming. And what better way to be able to avoid the laws than by knowing exactly what they are and how far you can go. And if that plan doesn’t work out, the books of law I have (they’re combined in two huge hardcover bundles) are really heavy and you could probably harm someone with them if you hit hard enough… Well, I suppose you can even leave “hard” away, just by hitting someone softly with those books you can bring serious harm to them… Ah, and like that one professor would say: in this scenario it would be a rational choice to become a pirate instead of a privateer. Oh dear, not Arturito :/ Mutiny would seem like a good option, I’ll take over the ship and become Palermo the Pirate. Sounds much and much better than “Arturo the Pirate”, since that isn’t an alliteration, sooo mutiny is reasonable even for that reason. And then there’s the fact that it’s Arturo, I mean, that says enough.

YOU LOVE UNDERWATER TOO????!!!! I completely forgot that you posted that! It seems we do indeed already have one shared braincell energy my friend <3

Last week has been pretty good (except for having to make a test at 9:30, what a godless time, I’m usually barely awake by then ehehehe), I think I aced the test I had, got back some good grades and finally got my first Covid vaccination (and only shortly slight dizziness as a side effect, so that's pretty great). And thanks so much!!! For now I’m safe from Gandía, but somewhere in mid-July I’ll have to take an exam on campus, so I’ll might be able to bring out my inner Palermo then.

How was your week? If the weather is still unkind to you (well, also if the weather *is* kind to you), treat yourself to your favourite ice cream and a break every now and then <3 Do you already have holidays or hasn’t your academical year ended yet?

You’re also right - this is conversation and we’re friends now <3 And I absolutely do like cookies! I would say my favourites are american cookies (though stroopwafels are reaally good as well) but honestly there are only a few kinds of cookies that I don’t love that much. And anything with chocolate in it is GREAT. I do also love apples and bananas, though grapes (which I just had) are even better! What’s your favourite kind of cookie?

Also, I know I have been giving you so many prompts already, but I saw this one in that list you reblogged and it gave me so much Berlermo energy: you live in an apartment with your best friend. the two of you always fall asleep in each other's arms, but one day, your friend isn't there. they've fallen in love with someone else. it's your other best friend, who recently moved in with you. and that's when you realize, that those nights you spent together, weren't so platonic after all. I would love it if you’d write it, but if you decide not to that’s absolutely fine too, no worries <3

By the way, I was going to post this quite a bit earlier, but my laptop (unlike me) decided yesterday night, when I was finishing writing this, that it was time to sleep, so I had to quickly dump this whole rant in Google Docs (it’s almost two and a half pages what the heck) and I was busy all day so I only was able to upload it just now. I swear I can ractually espond faster than after a week :) Have a lovely evening, much love from the gay bike country <3

Heeeeeeey you are back!!! How happy am I to see my favouritest gay bike anon return to my inbox!!! 💕 [Author's note: You can tell I started this reply right away because you've sent me three or four asks since this one and one can tell you are indeed back hahaha]

Yeeeeeees this is how one makes friends!! You know, I was just thinking the other night of how "gay bike anon" shortens to GBA, like the Game Boy Advance, you know. Make of that what you will, but it pleases me to know that you can also have a cute nickname for your cute nickname. Nicknameception.

Yes, exactly that, "I did not write that, and if I did in fact write that.. No I did not." Also, "the mystery will marinate"??? That's an amazing word choice and some day I will absolutely use it for something, just you wait. I think it just goes to show that you should write everything while tired, haha.

Haha I love that naming convention for you. It may make very little sense, but....... but. Also, happy birthday for whenever it is, presumably in the nearby past or future!! Lots of love!! You're the summer child while your sibling is... a summer child, but like, different.

Since you appreciated my almost-name story, I'll reward you with the rest of it: so my name is Tuuli, which is Finnish for "wind". My mum originally wanted to name me Pilvi, which means "cloud". And then she was like oh no this child is not at all serene and cloud-like??? and thus, a new me. I'm glad she had second thoughts, although I wonder if having such an ill-fittingly chill name would've done anything to alter my personality? Nomen est omen and all. There's some kind of an alternate universe where all of that played out, but I'm glad it's not this one.

Yeah either you watched the semis and have no idea, or you didn't watch them and have no idea. There is no way to get what was going on there, I'm certain they themselves also didn't get it. I had no idea about hagelslag but thjipgnhefjpihjo that's amazing, I love that for you!!!! There was absolutely no reason to go there but you as a country just... did that. Amazing. Please have some and report to me so I can live through you. And also, you are absolutely legit Victorian royalty [or something] *bows in return*. Also, I do love how you say "I watched the semis (obviously)." Imagine if you didn't and this entire time I was tragically misinterpreting the nature and intentions of your ask and you were just rolling with it because you've no idea what I'm on about but are also too polite to tell me that. Khhhhhhh

Your brain has priorities!!!! And they're honestly beautiful. Well done, brain. Subway driver Gandíaaaaaaaaaa~~~ My brain is filled with Berlermo quotes that come @ me at random times during the day and leave me just a tad shell-shocked, remembering how it all went down. I'm eating my morning yoghurt and my brain goes yo te propuse fundir oro juntos, and I'm just there like :)))))) Real nice, brain.

Have you had the opportunity to see Promising Young Woman yet? Hhhhh it's so pretty, every time I work on this reply [it's a lot of times, okay, I'm very diligent about this, I stare at this ask and craft snazzy replies in my head all the time, that's why I'm so slow in... actually replying] I'm reminded of that. I'm not a very visual person but the colours and the framing... that was really nice.

I am somewhat glad you've not been to Finland yet, you must hit me up when you come visit, I'll take you for coffee!!! It's actually cooler now (bless!!!!!!!!!!!), the last... four days have been reasonable 14-20 degrees, after four consequtive weeks of 25+. Kkhhhh thinking back to it makes me feel a little ill, but now beret weather is back. I own a lot of berets, dear gay bike anon. I'm going to my university city for the weekend and I'm already wondering which beret(s) I should bring with me. This is an important decision with potential long-lasting consequences. I don't know if you've played any of Telltale's games (The Wolf Among Us and the first two seasons of The Walking Dead are the best ones, fight me), but when you make a decision and the game goes "This character will remember that." and you instantly go oh no what have I done??? That's how I feel about choosing the perfect beret for my city outing. But yes, weather extremes are just the worst. We've been having the longest drought I've ever seen here (it's still not properly rained, for the record, on Tuesday it rained for an hour or so) while in other places there's awful flooding. That's awful.

Ahhh I'm so happy you're continuing your Spanish-learning!! I took a beginner's course at uni in the spring semester, I'm going to take the next one when uni resumes in September. And yes, I'm studying it for LCDP. I mean I love languages in general, but I never had a particular need to study Spanish, until this year I suddenly did. I'm also Duolingo-ing it! Very slowly and steadily. Also, I adore the idea of your cat being your Denver. What's your cat's name??? What do they look like?? Tell me everything, you can't just leave it at my cat, you simply must allow me to meet them. Also, you know why guide cats aren't a thing? Because cats are the worst. I love cats, but you can't just teach them to do useful things. They'll do them if they want to. As I type this, my cat is trying to catch flies at my feet. Her name is Muusa.

I studied accounting for my undergrad!! So I can join you in [[[preventing]]] tax fraud and [[[recognising]]] tampering with financial statements. We can make a totally legitimate business out of it. No but truly, I'm certain we were taught some of those things with the expectation that our future employers would expect it of us. Capitalism is so fun :)))))) And you shouldn't be surprised, academia is but a stepping stone to crime, honestly. Any dark academia book will tell you this. You start out learning Latin and wearing turtlenecks, you end up with murder. That's just how academia works. And you seem to have already chosen your weapon... you're well on your way. :) Palermo the Pirate sounds great!!! I support your mutiny. I don't think I said, but this is my favourite word of the English language. Mutiny. Mutiny????? It doesn't sound very serious. It sounds cute, actually. I love it.

I'm so happy to hear you got your covid vaccine!!!! I had mine a month ago or so - I typed you a reply to the subway Gandía thing on the train ride back, actually. I was really stressed about getting it on my right arm, because I'm left-handed, and last time I got a vaccination (like a decade ago) they insisted on giving it on my left arm and I was sad :( But this time!! I got it on my chosen arm and was very pleased. So anyway, that was a segue. I'm glad you got your covid shot and were side effect -free!!!

My week has been good, thank you!! I went to my uni city for my niece's birthday on Monday, and as said I'm going back on Friday (tomorrow). So this time in between has felt like exactly that, time in between. I started reading Call Me By Your Name. I had my Korean class last night. Now I'm hanging out with my cat (she has stopped chasing flies and climbed to my lap) and talking to you. My holidays started already in May! And uni resumes in the beginning of September, but I'm a tutor for new students so I need to show up three weeks earlier for the orientation weeks. Yes, we do three weeks of orientation (read: three weeks of drinking). It's a bit insane.

Now I need to ask you again how your week has been, since I'm so slow. How has your week been?? Are you free from your exams?? When does your uni resume?

Stroopwafels are so good ahhh I'll have to buy them when and or if I see them. Possibly when I'm in central Europe but haha I can hope to be lucky and see them at a store with imported stuff, you know. My favourite cookies??? Omg maybe these ones - they have this truffle filling, and they're fun to eat (this is important in cookies, you see):

And of course they're Fazer. Because Finnish people have only one setting, apparently. Or maybe that's just me. But all cookies are great, honestly. I like making American cookies, that's always a fun pastime (and you get to have cookie dough, that's like half the fun). I've actually not made them for a lifetime??? Maybe I should, soon. I'll keep you updated. Also, brookies. I love making brookies, they're great.

I really really appreciate being given prompts, I hope you know that!! Thank you!! Consider me pocketing this prompt and maybe eventually some day theoretically getting back to you about it!! You're right - it has Berlermo energy. Insofar as either of them actually have other friends. :)

Thank you for this kind message, dear gay bike anon <3 I'd apologise for my slowness in replying but I think I'd rather you just assume that I'll get back to you, and thank you for your patience <3 Your kind and funny and chaotic asks always brighten my day. I hope you'll have a great rest of the week and just... all the nice and fun and good things and great vibes in life. All the best, dear gay bike anon <3 Take care!! And greetings from Muusa as well - she just yawned and I presume that means "greetings".

#only love for gay bike anon #the timeline became accidentally somewhat restored with this one #I may have intended to reply to medieval snails first - I was writing these two simultaneously even though that makes very little sense #- but I finished this one first #strange!!!!!! but yes all the best to you my friend I hope you'll have a great day and a best rest of this week!! #asks #I'm scrolling to check that the formatting didn't break and the random box of cookies amuses me

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

A lot of control freaks are at risk. Mostly,control freaks

The ones that must invite evil into other's lives.

The mom that doesn't care her daughter doesn't like her fiance and feels it a mistake to have gotten engaged. But continues to push her daughter, even planning the wedding for her to force her to marry someone whom will be unkind to her

The moms that get limited money welfare or child support and goes and gets her nails and hair done and leaves the children in rags.

The moms that force their children to be perfect at all times, children never had the joy of feeling free. Mud between their toys without receiving corporal punishment aka an ass whipping.

The "friend" always pushing you into drug use.

The "friend" bullying you to go out every night calling you a nerd for wanting to do homework or eat dinner with family.

The teacher that stuffs more and more work down your throat with nary an encouraging word nor tone.

The principal that beats students so hard with paddles it can be heard through the halls of the school and the child not being able to sit pain free without days.

The doctor that doesnt listen to your symptoms and sends you home without proper care Because they are too busy and overbooked.

The dentist that applies a chemical to rot teeth so that they can get money from repairing what looks like cavities in xrays

The adults breaking bones in others because they're "too" drunk or high or much of an ass hole not to be selfish jerks.

Bullies. People that don't mean well but we trust with our souls and lives and they purposely push advice or decisions onto others who dont want them.

Someone who doesn't allow you to breathe freely.

"You don't know how to allow us to breathe. So let us breathe for you" The Ventilator response to idiots and jerks who think they rule the world and you aren't allowed to think or breathe for yourself. In response to the person whom says "you don't know how to breathe. Let me do it for you"

Breathing the same term as live.

Its a beautiful virus Corona and COVID-19

Ironically it affects most Zulululu aliens... And they are the ones that created it.

Welcome to Eaerth. 🌎

COVID-19

Co Ventilator ID (children & adults as age) 19

Those of us helicopter parents ... Co parent the child with the world and the child as age 19.

Those of us helicopter children .... Co parent the parent with the world and parent as age 19.

Thus you see the equation is equality between children and adults.

I by far have raised more children than any other teacher taught for a maximum of 60 years and done it better than them by treating them as adults.

62% of negative comments about the way i taught the NHRA children said I needed to tone down sexual abuse and other information i gave them, the problem is As Adults we Learn that we were sexually abused and People KNEW at that time we were young that it was bad. So i had to tell them each and every thing that could be bad. Because they asked.

They asked me an "adult" question. I treated their questions as they were planning to go play with another child's vagina and wanted to know what the abuse part was.

Had I not explained in exact and general terms as I did they could become sexual predators themselves.

That is how i dealt with the situation. Because I was too afraid they would say "that happened to me" So i treated them as potential abusers. Because I would have ended up back behind that candy shack shaking and hysterical losing my mind. So i put up a barrier between their possible pain and myself.

And educated them in how not to become a sexual predator.

Of those NHRA children, in that sexual awareness class, 13 children only 1 became a sexual offender, repeat rapist and it was Ben who refused to listen and usually sat at his desk drawing. Of the kids that paid attention 0 became sexual offenders.

And if you watched the video they clearly focused on Ben to show he was not listening to the content nor context.

Furthermore. I had to teach them all the ins and outs so if perhaps they were an unfortunate victim they would tell me and we would have the CIA investigate so it would never happen to them

I didn't know if they asked because they were thinking about bodies and various ways they could be touched or if they were asking because they had been touched that way.

So had i shut down any child's question with that's too much information and not have a male come explain it and never have the question answered. I knew i would slam the door in the child's face from self healing from abuse or preventing it from happening to them or to someone else.

They needed all the information available. To understand that if they are touched wrongly they have to know it was wrong and that they could get help. They deserved help and someone would help them.

If i said generally "if you are touched here here or here and you don't want to be and so you were molested" then we would have a shit ton more false rape reports out there.

More lives ruined for lack of information

More lives ruined for lack of information.

Treating every one as age 19. Old enough to smoke. Old enough to rent their own home. Old enough to have their own car. Old enough to know better and too young to care.

50 year old ... "Oh sonny I can't do that I'm too old" no ya ain't old lady. You can do it too.

5 year old ... "My mom says I'm too young but i know I can" then it's something that age isn't discriminatory about.

One common thing is Learning. A child can go to an University class. 7,852,931,862,985,301 people signed up for the free wellness class at Yale of those people 76% were under age 18.

Yale. A top Ivey League school. A University most people are aged 18 or more to attend.

13% were age 50 and above.

Two different people age groups vastly far from one another deciding they could do the same exact thing a 19 year old can do.

COVID-19 surviving.

We don't take away Granny's drivers license simply because shes old. She has the same rights to decide her driving benefits as a 19 year old.

No putting granny in a nursing home when she can still keep up her own residence. She has the same rights to decide where and when to live as a 19 year old.

No telling granny and our son who they cannot or can date. When our 3 year old says "my soulmate Is here. I want to introduce you and myself to her" then you go as if they were 19 years old.

COVID-19 that term will allow us surviving the Apocalypse to survive our world that is leftover.

Corona Virus. Time down with Our Spouse and children. The difference between a child and adult is the adult can drink a beer because they are over the age of 21. So in the state of COVID-19 we still respect you're fucking old enough to have kids and we can't tell you what to do.

Wahu Virus. Whahoooooo!! The world will be a better place everyday.

We didn't create the virus. Only the names and chose to not prevent the disease to be released but to be available to be spread.

Nathaniel is always ordering the release of Viruses in China and Hong Kong. I over heard his phone calls and wrote them here. Only 62% of you remember.

He wanted a job...

So it was apparently a code. So our CIA went into the computer and advised them to release it into the Wahu zip code. Meanwhile our CIA on the ground prevented and arrested the ones spreading the disease and only allowed 25% of the virus to hit its targets.

We knew it would spread naturally and the thing was to make a big deal instead of a big virus splash into our air and land.

The targets were outlying rural areas that we allowed. Not deep city but because it was air based we chose to allow the open air places to receive the diseases.

So in a place where 500,000 people would be exposed we closed that to an area where only 5,000 would be.

So while we chose to allow a virus to spread we already had magic done to allow it to kill only EVIL HUMANS. as aliens are not ours to kill...

Except as it progressed evil aliens took too much joy and wanted to do destruction, too. So that is when Wendy and her Team changed the virus to include also Evil Aliens who have no right to be on Earth.

As People became concerned as to how to not catch the Virus COVID-19 became the name.

We never wanted China to be held responsible nor it be called The China virus so we never called it Wahu. Straight to Corona. We said we would back fold it to why we chose that location in particular.

Nathaniel's Zulululu lab is in northern China. So it would been in China it was released. We made up a huge event that was top secret about anti government assassins... People like me would be attending in the millions. And so this way we manipulated the Zulululu to believe it was the best place when really we Jist liked the name and it would suit our purpose to educate for future reasons.

We had to shut down the world's government. And this was simple.

To prove i do have control of the world and we don't want Zulululu here at all or other aliens. They don't fit. They don't live well here. We don't mesh. We aren't friends.

I'm not living on a planet that always deems killing and war necessary. For Some one to try to gain control like sport while hurting my friends I allow to live here, this is my planet it wasn't created by any another than me and Alex. Marc is a star from a collapsed galaxy. Its a long story. But we are a 3some.

When Venus was attacked. We allowed them a safe Haven. We invited them and changed our world to include them

Those some aliens that attacked Venus live here now.

I allowed them and all aliens from 1777 to 1977 to prove they have the ability to sustain their alien life here. Only 1 planet has proven they had the ability.

In the film Virgin River i once again visited to notify the leaders of Zulululu they needed to evacuate inn 1979. They instead said they would change me to rule the world. So i took that challenge. It is now 2020. And they have failed. All alien life has failed.

In the film you'll see I do things my way. To prove they are wrong and do not deserve a place on my planet.

You'll see i do allow friendly conversation and warmness between the community and I.

I get tired of the lying bitch ass mayor and i do strike her with a heart attack. You'll see me extra extra pissed off in those episodes.

So review those and realize I'm totally fucking pissed. Especially when i am standing in her living room after.

But i still remain friendly. I even bring the bitch her dam mattress down.

But i wanted to kill her and didn't. I could had but th3 point was to tell her to quit lying. She figured out who I was fairly early on and abandoned the baby to distract me. I was a trophy to be kept In the neighborhood. Not someone to listen to.

Look at Chloe's eyes. She's certainly of an alien quality..

I also knew what they were up to.

If you watch it seems things take abrupt turns ... Its research. Knowledge gained from patterns and observations.

Like now i watched and right away knew who was lovers. But it is not revealed until i figure it out then. So when she brings out the divorce I had only realized it after going into,her bedroom that the cabin was hers. And doctor had already yelled at her about me staying in his cabin. So in her bedroom I realized they were at one time living together due to her decor. And photos on the night stand on his side of the bed...

Point is we ghosted into alien communities refusing to leave to ask them to leave. Walked and existed in their communities as we did in our own with our True Loves, family and friends.

We proved they had not adhered to guidelines.

And this is why we have WWIII.

Because they are still here.

In the film you'll see phones like now to show them what we could be provided and would provide their home planets with to communicate on.

When they refused we took all our stuff away. And left them with nothing. If we replaced a TV with one of ours... When i left. They had nothing left. I took what was mine in a fit of rage. And didn't return what had stood there before.

We provided them with these items via magic 1-4 months before arriving so they would not suspect a stranger.

The first time we hadn't and in 1979 it was the second time we attempted to help them gently understand they needed other leave.

That is why what you see now in WWIII is so cold, calculated and done. Pissed off. No 2 ways. Fuck you do what i say.

33 years extra i tried different ways. Their recommended ways. To allow them one last chance..

Now in my mind these bitches are all dead. Cause im gonna kill what they live in and eject their souls.

Currently our galaxy is in a black hole. So they can't find us and how to return. Any Galaxy in a Black Hole means if you try to enter you will be killed upon sight..

No "are you lost can i help you?" Instant death.

And our planet is in a black hole within the black holes. It has been since 1817. That is why the only planet we see is Venus because we brought it with us.

Otherwise we could see almost every planet and moon in existence but we don't.

Because of rude ass alien invaders.

So with the Corona Virus we made rules that have punishment of death attached if they are not followed precisely.

To further protect us in the future.

"What's your parenting plan?"

"COVID-19 and if we don't do it we will die"

Aliens will think again about settling in if for some reason they happen to make it to Eaerth.

Then we ruthlessly kill aliens "that wasn't age 19" no second chances..

Loop hole is all ages are treated as 19. So if they do treat us as age 19 because they studied before trying to invade...,well that happened to so and so when,they were 10 --- "we are informed you treated him like a 10 year old. You must be executed immediately"

19 at age 10. 10 at age 19.

You see? Air and water tight.

No one is fucking with our planet again.

Simply they will learn to stay the fuck off.

Don't worry m I break this down to nano if ever we're invaded.

But I built it beyond xyano to prevent it.

So we will be okay.

Work on being safe and taking care and enjoying life. Memorizing your new parental models of COVID-19