#i haven't even seen the queen's gambit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shhh-secret-time · 1 month

Text

Queen's Gambit

"Are you lost little bird? These aren't your woods."

Chapter 1

It doesn't take the voice of a king to silence a room, something you and the bard learned very young. A familiar glint of recognition shines in those earthy brown eyes of his, one that you mirror back. The fairy lights that drift around in the room swirl and coalesce around your form. The ball of light circles you once, twice, and then break off into a ray of colors. No doubt the magics of the brown-haired man who limps next to you.

Jimmy Valour, the only other man who you had ties to. A bard who had made a name for himself in the last war, a decade ago he was but a teenager who successfully played both sides of the war. You haven't seen him since your days at the College of Whispers, a school dedicated to the art of being...well a bard.

Now here he was, introducing you to the Elven and Fae nobles of the room. Listing off the titles that came packaged with them. The long and tedious courtroom etiquette would be just that if it wasn't the perfect time to get a feel for the room. First you went down the line of the lower nobles, the scribes and historians that were only there to keep a record of what was to happen today. Then it was the nobles who had stake in this war, families that you could only assume would see to gain. No matter the race, it was the same. You didn't need to be an expert in the inner workings of Fae and Elven politics to know that much.

Lastly were the knights, men and women alike who were donned in leather armor. Vastly different from the metal that the human knights wore. Each adorned with a sun that held their capes on their backs. Green cloaks with a golden symbol that looked like brush strokes, the flag of their King.

A king who has not taken his eyes off you since you entered the room. They're narrowed in just a way that it's almost certain that he's scrutinizing you, watching every little move you make.

No one would think less of a diplomat for buckling under the intense gaze of a King. Any leader worth their name would look at the enemy of his people like this. But you didn't come this far to throw in the towel before even having a chance to speak. Instead, you give him a small nod and a smile, with your lids lowered in just a way that tells him:

"The game has only just begun."

Kyle's brows bounce up for a moment, he covers his lower face with his hand. He rests his elbow on his armchair and leans down next to the stoic looking man next to him. He whispers something to him and try as you might it's impossible to hear from where you're standing.

Raven hair that comes down to the base of his neck, right where the spine connects, falls just above his furrowed brows. Bits of the locks poke out from under the dark blue helmet. Fit perfectly around his head, the front making an M shape. The design carved into the helm is almost as captivating as the Kings gloves. They're similar in the way they swirl and turn into branches and vines. Your eye for design tells you, they're made that way on purpose.

One of the first lessons you were taught when dealing with the Elven and Fae people was to never look them in the eyes. To them the eyes were windows to the soul, only those with a strong bond could cross that line. Even in the courtroom here, most stare at their conversation partner's nose. So, it's worthy to note when you see the King and the knight he's whispering to look each other in the eye. They stare at one another for a while, their whispers dissolving into a silent conversation.

The knight nods after a while and his body physically relaxes. A shift in moods, no longer on the defensive. All in time for Jimmy to wrap up his rambling.

"Thank you, Sir Valour. It's an honor to have such an introduction read by someone as esteemed as yourself, much less by a friend." You thank him, casting him a small side smirk.

"Th-... The pleasure is all mine, I assure you. It's been a while; I see you've made a name for yourself. Quite a few actually." Jimmy responds as he keeps his eyes forward.

"What? Did you think I was going to let you hog all the glory? Maybe we're not as close as I thought." You hum, that playful tone dancing on your tongue.

He escorts you towards the end of the table, down the line of the Kings vision. Ser Clyde follows with an amused grin on his face. The banter between you and the bard entertaining the young knight.

"If this court meeting doesn't tear y-... tear y-... tear you apart then it'd be nice to catch up." He matches your energy with his own playful wisp. Once you sit down, he gives you a nod, but you don't miss the smug smile on his face.

He got the last word for now. Making a mental note to get him back, you turn to the eyes of many. The room has gotten so quiet you could hear a pen drop from the other side of the castle. Ser Clyde shifts from foot to foot, his armor clanking ever so slightly. He stops when you shoot him a small glare, offering a nervous apology.

Your breathing slows to a steady rhythm. Each time you exhale you can feel the emotions in the room. You open yourself up to them and time seems to slow down.

The ebb and flow of unspoken thoughts flood your mind, voices that aren't your own. The people of this court room project themselves onto you like a sunset does open water. It feels as if a spirit passes through you, leaving you hollow to nothing but these feelings.

Sunset eyes stare me down. Spice on a spring day. A gentle breeze breaks the tension. Their lightning eyes shoot me down. They want me to drown. Hands grasping at my clothes to pull me back up.

But it's his that are the loudest. Not so loud that you'd find yourself clutching the sides of your head. Even in his thoughts he speaks with authority and confidence. The King that stares you down holds the voice of rulers long past. They speak together in balance with one another.

Silvered dagger rests in her mouth. With wit just as sharp. She knows not to look in the pyre reserved for Kings. Looking down my table, she stares me down...but she does not see me.

You don't linger on him for too long, you can't. Not when with every passing moment it feels like flying too close to the sun. You're starting to melt and burn. The man next to him sings a different song. The difference is night and day. It is ice and fire. It's the feeling only poets can put into words, but these absurd thoughts coming in would do just fine.

The pain in my back throbs. Flesh cut open and flayed out for my heart to bare. Remember why you're here. Less man than you are steel. I'd cut the throat of every man here if it meant the sun would rise again.

It takes everything to not physically shiver at that. Those blue eyes that you catch a quick glimpse of are shards of ice. Ice if it had lost the crystal colors and were laid flat. Yet there's something animalistic about them. Primal even.

It feels as if hours have passed since you sat down. Hours of these councilmen and women staring you down waiting for you to speak. Fortunately, it's only been a few seconds. Wading through the raw rivers of emotions will do that to you. A drawback to your little gift. But it was a small price to pay to level the playing field.

Pawn to D4

"Ladies, Gentlemen, and those who do not define yourselves as such, thank you for allowing me into your capital. With tensions as high as they are, you're taking a gamble on me. So, for that I thank you." You break the silence with a carefully constructed opening. "It's a shame we live in times where this is the case. Only a decade has passed since the war. Ten years and we can all recall it as if it were yesterday."

"It would not be like that if many of us didn't feel like it was yesterday." An older gentleman chimes in. Red hair like the Kings, but there are brushstrokes of white going through it. A thin mustache and beard that goes with it.

"And for that I apologize. I cannot speak for all of my people, to do so would be foolish and a waste of time." You waste no time with a response.

You predicted someone would come in with such a comment. The difference in the way humans and elves age is no secret. A fact Elves like to remind Humans quite often.

"Then who do you speak for Human? If a so-called diplomat cannot even speak for their people, then what good are you?" Donnel spears the question into you, voice dripping with malice.

"I am good enough for the Grand Wizard and enough to know my role at the table Ser Knight." You smirk down at him, tilting your head to the side just enough to dodge the spear.

His voice was the loudest amongst the people here. His thoughts were that of a cadence, marching soldiers gladly ready to die for their home. Fists pounding on shields taunting the enemy to come closer.

You wouldn't play his game. He's not even a player at the table.

"Then you speak for your King?" Kyle speaks as if he already knows the answer to the question, but he wants to hear you say it.

Pawn to D5

"I am both his mouth voice and my own your Majesty. The Grand Wizard trusts that I come here today with both kingdoms intentions at heart." As you speak your hands gracefully pick up the chalice.

They offer hospitality, it would be rude not to partake. Second rule of the Fae, a dry throat does no one good.

"To wet your tongue after spouting such blatant lies. Humans have never had anyone but their intentions at heart." A noble woman at the table snaps her fan. The blue and white fan no longer hid her angular face, or the birth mark directly under her eye.

"The same could be said about any living being when it comes to the tides of war. Do you not have you and your own best intentions?" You scoff a bit at her remark, but you don't offer much more. Before she can respond, you continue speaking. "But I'm not here to talk about history. I'm here to speak of the future. How to prevent another war."

Pawn to C4

Kyle's lips press together as he watches how you interact with his people. How you respond to every snide comment or glare, he notes how you walk the line of acknowledging them and refusing to give them your time. It's done so in a way that no one could call you out for being rude, you're following proper etiquette. He's torn between being impressed and frustrated.

Pawn to C4

"So, I come to you with everything on the table. My people cannot handle another war." You emphasize the word 'cannot' with your fingers pinched together and your pinky out. "We will not survive another onslaught from both sides. Your people outnumber us there's no questioning that, we're not able to ascertain the exact number of troops you have at the ready, but the number is inconsequential."

You can feel Ser Clyde shift again, his jaw tightens most likely, so he doesn't speak out of turn. To him you've just admitted defeat, shown that you and your people are weak, and he couldn't be further from that. He wears a red cloak for a God’s sake. The grip on his sword tightens, but as quick as he grips the leather, he lets go.

"Wise words. It speaks volumes to know when you're outmatched." The red head speaks again, stroking the ends of his mustache with his finger and thumb.

"Words are cheap. It is actions that carry! And every action the humans have taken has led to the suffering of our people!" Donnel scowls, slamming his fist down on the table.

"In a meeting such as this, words.are.everything." If he wants your attention so badly then he would have it.

You turn to him and stare him down, eyes trailed to the space between his eyebrows. There's not much space from how furrowed they are, almost connected in one thick line. Even if he does stand taller than Ser Clyde, compared to you he is a child. Out in the battlefield he would have you dead to right, there is no denying that, but here he is a victim.

"You bellow like a wounded boar when adults are trying to decide the fate of tomorrow. You have already made your intentions clear; you don't wish for peace so why are you still here? Why do you waste our time with your squeals and wails? If tomorrow comes and there is war know you had your hand in it. If it is peace that we decide I hope this memory burns into your mind forever. Ser Knight I ask of you, respectfully, to think - before - you - speak." Each word that spills from your lips is a dedicated strike. Unlike Donnel's sloppy swings, yours are honed. Trained to know where and how to strike to make it hurt.

You know you struck a nerve when you see the vein in his forehead pop, and his teeth grind so loudly that Jimmy stops playing that whimsical tune. Just as the final tune dies down in the room and your lips rest, he stands. He's taken the bait. Shown that he's not fit to be in this room.

"Ser Donnel. I gave you one, it seems you forget yourself still. Wait outside." Kyle's voice echoes like the roar of thunder. The storm is subtle right now, not yet at its full potential.

"But your Highness I-"

Kyle doesn't need to say more when a sigh escapes his lips Donnel stops. Freezes in place like ice was being directly pumped into his veins. From the way the knight next to him was glaring, maybe it was. Kyle waves his hand and said knight walks over to Donnel, all but grabs him by the forearm and walks out with him. The dark wooden doors behind you slam shut, muffling the sound of footsteps.

Jimmy resumes playing music like nothing happened. There was no fight, there was no look of disappointment. Just a council who took a second to breathe and the sound of his lute.

Pawn to E4

"Forgive me for calling recess early like this, perhaps we should all step outside and collect our thoughts. It would seem we were woefully ill prepared for your arrival." Kyle stands to his full height and addresses you with an even tone.

Each step he takes off his throne demands your attention, no spell on this earth could put you in a trance quite like him. The bright green healthy leaves beneath him float around the unseen gust of wind. They spiral around him before fluttering away to the patches of soft grass that make up the floor. The gold that flickers off his wings creates a light wherever he goes. You watch as it brightens and dims in time with his breathing, fading in and out but never fully going out. To call it a candle would be an insult.

When you don't stand like the other council members Clyde puts his hand on your shoulder; the iron gauntlet rests heavy. If it was one thing Clyde was, it was bold. You look up at him and offer a smile, the polite one that is expected of you. It's when he sees that dangerous glint in your eyes that he pulls back and offers it out to you instead.

Of course, you take it and bring yourself to your feet, straightening out your dress as you do. Patting down the fabric of your dress, you collect yourself. Regain composure and try to smile again. "Apologies Ser Clyde, thank you."

"You're fine, I just didn't want to be the next target of that tongue of yours. I thought when the Grand Wizard sent me here to escort you, the only thing I'd have to be on the lookout for was the occasional bandit. I didn't think you were actually going to make me do my job." He jokes to ease the tension.

While you don't find it funny by any means, you can appreciate the effort. "I thought I caught you in the corner of my eye dozing off, figured I'd wake you up a bit." The innocent tone in your voice does not match your smile.

"Madam you wound me. To imply that I, the Grand Wizard's one and only Red Cloak, would fall asleep in a meeting so very important. Why I'm hurt. I think you might need to step outside and remember yourself." He smirks down at you, bringing your hand up to his lips. "Perhaps we could go together? Enjoy the scenery?"

You laugh, it pulls an actual laugh from you. Again, it's not his joke that's funny but the fact that he's trying. Your laughter is brought to an abrupt halt as you pull your hand back. "No. It's adorable that you are trying though, I think a few lessons on how to court a woman and you might be in league well enough to try again."

Clyde feigns a pained look, but he lets go of your hand and that smirk returns. "Suite yourself, you know where to find me if you change your mind. Gods know I cannot say no to a beautiful woman."

"I know Ser Clyde. Many know."

"You're better off trying to seduce a vi-... a vi- ...a snake." Jimmy cuts into your conversation, ambulating over to where you stand.

"Ha!" Clyde doesn't bother to watch the volume in his laugh, fueling the bards stupid grin.

"Oh? And now two grown men must team up to try and attack me? Jimmy, my dear friend, I always said that someday you would go far. I only wished you had stayed there" You purse your lips at him and for the first time since you walked through the double doors you feel at ease.

"Oh~!" Clyde exclaims, bringing his fist up to his mouth. Of course, not to muffle the sound, but out of shock.

"It's funny you say that...I'd love to see your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass!" Jimmy grins at you and your brow twitches, visibly bounces in annoyance.

"It's good to see you again too darling." Your frown breaks and turns into a smile, laughter rings out like the sound of bells. Jimmy joins you in that and memories of better times come flooding back to you.

"Wait...so you guys are actually friends?" Clyde looks between the two of you with confusion on his face.

"So, where'd you find tall, dumb and ha...ha...handsome?" Jimmy asks as he rests back on his crutches, ignoring Clyde.

"The Grand Wizard sent him with me, he's been dutifully escorting me through the lands." You gibe with an eye roll.

"Hey! .... You think I'm handsome?" Clyde seems to reject any form of insult; it slides off him like a blade would a shield. Maybe you really were no match for this man.

After a moment of staring up at Clyde, Jimmy goes back to his conversation with you. "I see. Well, they say the dumb ones plow the-"

"Do.not.finish that sentence Valour. I swear on all that the light touches I will tell this courtroom of that night you drank Dragon's Fire and Elderberry Mead."

"Yo-... You wouldn't dare."

"Oh? You have little faith in those you call your people. Think they would listen to a viper?"

"They'd sooner listen to a viper than a human it seems."

You sigh and cross your arms over your stomach. Even if he is joking, there's truth to those words. A man would rather get himself thrown out than to listen to you, even if he was like a child, it still hurt. However you had a job to do, you'd come too far to let a tantrum stop you.

"Well maybe not all of them." Jimmy breaks you from your thoughts.

Your brows knit together in confusion when you see him turn and walk away again. No goodbye, no indicator that he would return, not even a snarky remark. From the corner of your eye, you see Clyde bow his head and put his arm over his chest, his fist knocks into the opposite shoulder.

It isn't until you feel a warm light on your back that you piece together who could get both men to act accordingly. Kyle stands towering over you and Clyde; it makes you wonder if that warmth is coming from his wings or the small smile on his face.

But even caught off guard like this you wouldn't allow yourself to panic. You turn back towards him and bow as you had when you first entered the courtroom. His hand comes down next to your face, offering it out to you with a silent nod.

He wouldn't make you panic, but he would catch you by surprise. You stare at the hand for a moment before taking it. You damn the hesitation in your movements, but he doesn't seem to notice; and if he did, he's courteous enough to not make a deal of it.

"Might I borrow her for a moment? I wish to speak with your diplomat a bit before we regather." He's addressing Clyde when he speaks.

Pawn to E6

"I um...I'm not really supposed to-"

You cut him off, as Kyle pulls you up from your bow. "I will be fine Ser Clyde. If his Highness wanted me dead, we would not have even made it into this room. I'd be honored to accompany you."

Queen to A4. Check

Kyle smiles again, this time it reaches those greens in his eyes. There's a little spark behind them, this silent game you're playing with him is entertaining. He can't recall if he's ever been this entertained with a headache, but it's impressive. Every part of him needs to know more about the source of both.

Bishop to D7

"I will return with her shortly, worry not." There's something in his tone that almost sounds like he's trying to be playful. If a fire could be playful, you'd think this is the closest it would sound like.

"Uh...yeah okay. I mean, of course Y-Your Highness!" Clyde stands there and watches as Kyle moves your hand to his arm. How small you looked next to him, and how the large robes he wore engulfed your hands.

The mask is quickly put back on, it was nice to breath while you could. Silence falls over you two as he escorts you through the castle. You catch glimpses of decorations and paintings hung high on the beautiful walls. Vines of ivy and grape leaves wrap around the columns in a tight hug. Passing art pieces that you would most likely never see again, yet all you can seem to focus on is the direction he's taking you. Queen to C4.

Tucked in the corner of the board, Clyde stands there waiting for you to come back. He looks to the bard who simply offers him a friendly shrug. Jimmy gestures for him to walk over, making Clyde look behind him. The bard rolls his eyes and points to him with the crutch. Then to the spot next to him, in his corner of the board.

So far one pawn has been removed.

But the games only just begun.

Prologue | Chapter 1

#south park #sp fanfiction #south park fanfiction #reader insert #south park x reader #x reader #kyle broflovski #kyle broflovski x reader #Kingdom Come #Chapter 1 #Fantasy AU #clyde donovan #jimmy valmer #stan marsh #shhh its a secret

29 notes · View notes

the-fiction-witch · 8 months

Text

Love In Separation P1

Media The Queens Gambit

Character Benny Watts

Couple Benny X Reader

Rating Sweet Af

Requested: Its another benny one lol (I love that man to death😂) But imagine benny being like super upset cause he hasn't seen his girlfriend in like forever (two weeks lmao) cause she's busy in London for work and he's so upset that when she suddenly shows up at one of his tournaments he just fucking runs dead straight for her and hugs her like "I MISSED YOU!!!!!" cuz lets be real benny is definitely that type of boyfriend anyways

so he's like so happy and hugging her that he doesn't even remember the tournament he's just focused on his girlfriend 😂

I sat admittedly pouting, sat on the bed my back against the wall my shoes kicked off of course leaving me in my black socks, dark blue jeans my belt still wrapped around the bedpost, and my dark grey button-down my sleeves rolled up to my elbows my arms crossed over my chest I could feel the cold sing of my chains against my arms. Watching as she moved gracefully around our bedroom often moving back and forth between the edge of the bed where her suitcase sat with various items sorted into piles and the wardrobe where most of her dresses hung. Her little white fluffy slippers glided across the concrete floor, the slight swishing sound of her long black dress as she moved humming to herself as she picked things out, counting clothes and picking perfume all the usual packing things but I couldn't help feeling the way I did

"Do you have to go?" I asked

"I have to We've been over this" she laughed

"Can't your agent just do it?"

"No, it's a press tour that's the whole point" she laughed "hummm plaid or checked skirt?" She asks holding both

"Plaid always, but y/n I'm serious there's no way you're able to get out of this?"

"No Benny, you know I wouldn't go away if I didn't have to," she says giving my cheek a kiss

"But you'll be gone so Iong,"

"Benny I'll be gone two weeks?"

"So?"

"So? You go away for tournaments for months at a time in the chess season?"

"I know but I always take you with me," I told her getting to my feet wrapping my arms around her pulling her into my chest "We haven't spent any real time apart since you moved in, and you'll be so far away, in a whole other place that might not be safe, and we won't even be able to call because of the time difference, and I'll be going to my tournament and I haven't been to a tournament on my own in-" I began but she kissed me

"You can just say you'll miss me, Benny"

"Of course, I'll miss you, little bird." I cooed pulling her into my chest and of course, she happily rested her cheek against my shirt as I gently stroked her hair until she moved and rubbed her nose into my chest "Hey!" I complained it ticked

"It'll be okay, it's just for two weeks Benny then I'll be home"

"I know, I just… I'm not used to you not being around."

"Well it'll give you lots of guy time"

"Guy time?"

"Yeah to do all the things I usually don't let you" She smiled heading out of the bedroom but I followed her

"Like what?"

"Like, have a party?" She laughed going to the shower to make up her wash kit to take with her

"I don't like parties"

"Drink loads of beer and watch sports?"

I didn't even answer I just leant on the kitchen counter and glared at her "Well not exactly that, but do…man things"

"Everything you tell me not to do you have very good reasons for,"

"Like?"

"Like you tell me not to leave junk food out, very good we love in New York the rats don't need encouragement, you tell me to shower everyday good my body is weird and goes sour if I not constantly cleaning myself, you tell me to make the bed and I actually really like when I'm tired and I get to crawl into a warm made bed it's nice makes me feel fancy"

"Well do other not-normal things then, have wine, play poker, buy chicken nuggets. Just do whatever is going to make you happy Benny" she laughed taking her now full wash kit and giving my cheek a kiss before she went to the bedroom to add it to her suitcase

"But… being here with you would make me happy"

"Naaawwwww" she giggled "that's so cute"

"I'm not cute"

She smiled coming and taking my hands pulling me into the room more "Benny, when you wanna be your damn right adorable" she smiled rubbing her nose on my own "humm what would the chess boys think? There scary goth cowboy pirate all cuddly and cute"

"That's why you're the only one who gets to see me like this" I smiled pulling her into a kiss and stroking her cheek "My little bird, I'm really gonna miss you"

"Aww Benny I'm gonna miss you too"

"I'll be here in this dark cold basement all on my own, without my little bird to warm my bed, or make me coffee, or to go shopping with, or to do laundry with, or cook with, or play chess with, or cuddle, or kiss"

"Awww Benny, it's okay it's only two weeks just have fun treat yourself have some boy time, play chess, have drinks, get a pizza do some self-care. Enjoy some time without a lady messing up your boy time. Like it was before I moved in"

"Do you have any idea how miserable I was before you moved in?"

"No"

"Well, I was. And it's not just being here on my own, I have to pack up and drive all the way to Ottawa by myself without my little bird to navigate for me, and I can't even get slushie and fries on the way because that's the thing we do and without you, I'll just be all alone in my car with half an order of fries and half a slushie that you normally have" I explained

"You still can Benny"

"No, not without my little bird. It's not the same it's our tradition I can't do it without you"

"That's very sweet Benny, why not get something else like a cola and a burger or something instead then?"

"I guess but who's gonna make the hotel bed up just the way I like? Who's gonna help me figure out hotel shower taps? Who's gonna tell me I'm wearing my boxers inside out?" I explained

"I'm sure you can manage all of that yourself for one trip Benny" she laughed heading to the bedroom getting her now packed suitcase and bringing it to the door with her already packed handbag she kicked off her slippers and put on her little flat shoes for travelling going through her handbag to check she has all her paperwork and I sheepishly approached

"But… who's going to tell me how handsome and clever I am before I go play?"

"Well I suppose you just won't be told"

"But - but you tell me how clever and handsome I am before every tournament."

"That's true"

"I can barely play chess competitively without being told how handsome and clever I am"

"Well tell yourself?"

"That's not the same"

"Benny" she sighed

"I'm sorry y/n. I shouldn't be complaining. This is a big deal I'm excited for you getting to tour for the release of your book, I really am happy for you, I'm sorry for being such a crybaby about it"I told her giving her a cuddle

"Thank you, Benny, it's alright it's very sweet to see how much you care"

"I'm just not used to being away from you"

"I'm not used to it either benny, how do you think I feel having to fly off halfway around the world without the man I love to keep me company, it's alright it's just for two weeks and I'll be back home again"

"I'm sorry"

"It's alright, It's sweet to hear how much you'll miss me" she smiled

"Of course, I'll miss my little bird, but have fun really and be safe"

"I will and I'll bring you a present back I promise"

"Alright," I nodded as I slipped my shoes on, I took her bags up to the street and soon enough her car to the airport arrived so I loaded up her things for her and stood on the pavement staring at the yellow cab knowing she'd be gone she's picked my head up and smiled

"It's just two weeks"

"It's just two weeks" I nodded "I'm gonna miss you little bird," I told her pulling her close and inhaling her sweet sugary scent squeezing her tightly doing my best not to cry

"I'm going to miss you too Benny"

I knew if I didn't let her go now I wouldn't and I didn't want to make her late for her flight so I forced my arms away taking her face in my hands and kissing her forehead as I stroked her cheek "I love you little bird'

"I love you too Benny" she smiled pulling my hands down and giving my hands each a kiss before she moved away climbing into the cab the driver started up and she blew me a kiss before the cab and she scampered away into the hazy new York streets.

I headed down to the apartment and locked the door kicking off my shoes leaning my hands on the railing listening to the deathly silence of being alone.

39 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 11 months

Note

I've been trying to keep my mind open, about The Idol, and watched the episodes that are out on a totally legal streaming site, and had to click out because it was just... so fucking boring? It's literally nothing we haven't seen already, nothing that hasn't been put to film about a thousand times already and always with the same formula.

Like... it's just badly written and badly acted softcore porn that desperately wants to be something more by trying to mix into it deep themes that are very clearly misunderstood and mishandled by the scriptwriter. It's just another man who wants to be considered special for portraying the True Female Experience™ while utterly failing to see women as complex human beings. I've taken a number of film classes, and the script for this series is the stuff you can expect an edgy freshman to write to try and shock the class with how Dark & Broody he is.

And I was genuinely thinking about it being a me problem, to the point that I began wondering if I was sliding down the rhetoric used by antis, until I realized that one of my favorite TV shows of all time is Fleabag, a series whose main female character is a hypersexual woman who consumes heaps of hardcore porn, constantly cheats on her boyfriend, and sends nudes en masse to see who pays attention to her first.

Still, you can see that Fleabag's main themes are grief and guilt, and that Fleabag's hypersexuality holds thematic importance.

In The Idol, hypersexuality and sexual exploitation are presented as being present for thematic exploration, but they don't come off as such: they just feel like another way to ogle at the main actress' body (I genuinely can't stand shows in which the main actress is constantly naked but the main actor never even pulls off his shirt; it really shows who the show was made for, imo. The Tudors wasn't a particularly good series either, but at least the men on cast weren't scared of being seen with their dicks out).

It all has the same vibe as that scene from Queen's Gambit in which Anya Taylor Joy's character is going through the roughest time of her life, her entire world is collapsing onto her, and the director depicted this "rough patch" by having her lounge on her couch in lingerie with her make-up sexily smudged while she sexily sips from a bottle of nondescript liquor. In interviews, he went on to talk about how that scene is meant to depict the hell of addiction and how it shows the strengths and weaknesses of Anya's character. No, my dude, you just wanted a conventionally beautiful actress to wear lingerie, that's about it. If her character had been male, I very much doubt he would've been made to wear... idk, his Magic Mike attire? His clubbing outfit? His sexiest lacy thong?

I just wish these Hollywood people would stop selling their crap as deep and meaningful when it's just run-of-the-mill softcore porn. But, then again, Sam Levinson ended up sobbing at Cannes because the line "Welcome to my shithole" moved him so much, so... the hell do I know of what happens in those people's heads.

Tragically, they probably think they did make something deep.

39 notes · View notes

tealenko · 1 year

Text

WIP -Sleep Cycle

I haven't written anything in a month, I wake up today and boom: a whole chapter.

To be fair, I've been reading a lot (someone help me for I'm in the Queen's Gambit vortex once again T-T) so... I've been inspired to write... But not my usual stuff soooooooo...

Here's a wip of the first chapter of my post-post-ME3 fic lol (it's in that point where calling this a wip is a strech... But I still have to revise it for mistakes so, technically, it's still a work in progress)

I think @sillyliterature tagged me for a wip (among many things, which I'm doing btw... love to do them, I just lack the time sometimes XDDD) And as always, thanks a lot for the tag <3 <3 <3

Okay, I'll shut up now XDDDDDDDDDDDD

---------------------------

Through Hell and Back series -> [link] A Chance at a Happy Ending - Ch.1 Sleep Cycle (WIP)

All her body aches.

That’s usually a literary sentence used as a hiperbole to get quickly to the point of view that an author wants to convey.

Nevertheless, in this case it’s not only true, but it’s also been true for many years now.

No matter how well they resembled her after Alchera. No No matter how well they resembled her after the Citadel, after the war. The countless hours of doctors, training and therapy are only successful at keeping her alive, for it was their main objective they ever had, to keep her alive. No one stopped to think about the pain.

She turns again in her bed. And again. And again.

Every position hurts a different part of her body.

So she turns one more time.

Carefully, of course. She’s always careful in her moments for, no matter how bad it hurts, it would be worse for her to wake up her bed companion.

Watching his sleep is even therapeutic in itself, which usually marks the position she finally chooses after hours of turning around on the right side of their bed, when the morning sun is starting to rise and there’s enough light in her room to be able to see something.

In desperation, she closes her eyes for a second, sighs and says to herself: if I’m not going to sleep… I should choose at least the better (sight).

So she turns one last time, completely ignoring the jaw dropping Vancouver sunrise that’s always featured through every window in their bedroom, and rests all her weight on the right side of her body, despite being the position that hurts her the most, and just stays there.

Frozen for what seems hours instead of minutes, staring at the man that sleeps next to her and trying her best to control her breathing.

God… He’s stupidly beautiful.

She thinks inside her head.

It’s not always that sentence, but it always conveys the same feeling. A mix of adoration and disbelief that masterfully hits her feelings without a fault.

After keeping the posture for a while, the pain starts to ease. Not because it gets better, but she starts to forget about it.

That’s another literary cliché for you. She mumbles inside her head, but that doesn’t make it less real for her.

Because, despite the fact that it is indeed an overused plot in thousands of novels and dramas, there’s no point denying the truth.

The truth being: she loves him so much everything else disappears.

She laughs in disbelief.

He mumbles something in his sleep, probably about her, but he keeps sleeping nonetheless.

Even after so many years, she still doesn’t believe it.

There’s always people who don't believe in true love, or just in love at all. There’s people who idealize it too much, looking for something that does not exist.

And then, there’s Mio, who always thought it existed, for she had seen it many times, but never expected she’d be able to deserve it, nor to find it.

And yet… Here we are.

She stares at Kaidan while pain fades, replaced little by little by the deep and increasing beats of her heart against her chest, by the intense breathing that fills her lungs every few seconds and by the many memories she treasures of him, flooding her mind and soul to make her forget about anything else.

The travel usually starts at the first time they met, always dedicating a second to laugh at her oblivious past self, who had no idea this is where the road was leading all along.

He blushes when I flirt…

She remembers thinking back on her first days aboard the old Normandy, before Saren and the reapers, before the council and the specters, back when her life, complicated and damaging as it was, still had a resemblance to something she could process and understand.

He’s cute when he blushes like that.

So she kept flirting with him.

And, as her life started more and more convoluted, as the few reasons she had to smile and keep going started to fade, and the weight of the entire galaxy (reacaía) on her shoulders, the flirting became first a distraction, then a routine, and later on, a trap on it own.

She cannot pinpoint exactly when her heart decided to surrender to what initially was only a pastime, but she still remembers the moment she realized her mind was no longer in control of her actions.

She can almost see it, as it was yesterday, and although she can no longer recall after which mission it was, she knows it was after a mission.

Chucked her equipment in record time, showered as fast as able and, still with her hair wet, maid it to the less lit area of the common space of the ship, where Kaidan always was, keeping himself busy with maintenance and repairs to distract himself from the many noises of the Normandy.

She liked when he stopped working right away the moment he noticed her presence, knew he was full with anticipation for the few seconds that he could spend with her outside of work, and that day wasn’t any different.

The focus of their conversation has been lost in the forest of her memories for a while now, but the end of it, she knows, is scorched to her soul in a way that will be impossible to forget.

Kaidan smiled at her, and she lost track of everything. It wasn’t the first time he used that power against her, but it was the first time she noticed. And, just like she does now as he sleeps, he found herself staring at him for a few seconds, before she was able to excuse herself and walk away.

Didn’t make it too far though.

In retrospect, she should have gone to her quarters, but to be fair, she wasn’t able to think that much at the moment. So she just got as far as possible, to the stairs that led to the main deck and, before losing control from her own mind, she made sure that she was alone.

And just like that, she realized. But how couldn’t she.

Her breathing had never been so intense, her heart had never beat so far and, to be honest with herself, the only reason her legs hadn’t failed her is because she was resting all her weight against the wall in order to avoid falling to the ground.

“What the f…”

She never finished that sentence, for she already knew what was happening, despite the fact that her mind was a few seconds behind in the process of being aware of it.

But the truth was that, after many flirts, after many smiles, her meetings with Kaidan had gone from casual to intense little by little and, what was once a routine, now was the only thing she looked up to in her entire day.

It felt good, felt right, to spend time with him. And, by the time she realized she could no longer call it anything as remotely as casual as mere friendship, it was already too late to run away.

That was her M.O. If you cannot kill it, run.

There’s a reason she had survived up to that date, afterall.

Nevertheless, there she was, captured, against all odds, by her own trap.

And here she is now, lying in their bed, still mesmerized by Kaidan, even after so many years later, the same way as she was the first time.

She gets lost in her memories of him for a while.

When they met, when she walk up in the medbay and found him next to her after touching the beacon, when she realized he had fallen for her, that she had fallen for him, the night before Ilos, the way they stared at each other in between missions, when she got to see him again in Vancouver, when he came back to her crew… When he came back to her.

The confessions, the I love you, the i’m the luckiest man alive.

A tear falls as she lands in the moment when she woke up in a hospital, after the end of the war, and found him there, sleeping by her side as he does now.

Always at his side.

Always.

And the always hits her soul, as it always does, and with all the good comes the bad to invade her mind.

The don’t leave me behind, the many moments she thought she’d lose him, the medbay of the Normandy after Mars where, this time around, they switched places so that the universe could torture her with the idea of a life where Kaidan is no longer alive. Alchera, and the look of his eyes when she ordered to leave, mortified by it till the last second as she suffocated alone in space, with the unavoidable force of the planet pulling from her.

She takes a pause, a second to breath, but her mind swifts now to different kind of torture, sinking her even more into the darkness of her memories.

Horizon.

She no longer minds the confrontation with Kaidan, no longer curses him for his words, no longer curses herself for her replies, nor for the way she broke her hand after hitting the wall in anger and anguish.

What still gets her, it’s the before.

An eternity of finding frozen people while desperately searched for him, looking in every single nook and corner not knowing what it would be worse, finding him frozen ot not finding him at all, mortified by the fact that there were her best options, praying to every deity she didn’t believe so that she wouldn’t find him dead in every corner she took and every room she entered.

The fear of losing him in Horizon tortures her to this very day, and brings along with it the pain of everyone else she’s already lost.

She closes her eyes, and begs for it to walk away.

Big mistake.

As if she was Alice, falling through the rabbit hole to Wonderland, she falls into the darkness, surrounded by her well known forest of personal memories and horrors.

The whispers, the voices, the regret. Everything in this hopeless realm joins forces to bring her back to the ground, and the many voices of those she’s lost during her life, fill the air that surrounds her without leaving spare time.

The ones she’s lost under her command at the Normandy are more prominent at the beginning, usually followed by the ones that died by her side, mostly members of her squad back in Akuze, the two friends she had for a few years after she runned away from the orphanage.

There’s a special highlight, now and then, where she hears Anderson talk to her, in a loving tone, as his voice morphs little by little to become her father’s, replaying the few memories she keeps of him before he died.

And when she thinks she can no longer hold any more pain inside of her, that’s when his voice hits her, as loud and clear as when they met on their first day as Alliance trainees, as when got drunk together, as when she surprised him on each one of his birthdays and he used all his forces to pretend he didn’t know when it was hers.

The laughs, the mission… She, explaining to him how to shoot even better, and him teaching her the best ways to get through a written test. The way they celebrated when she finally got her high school degree, and two years later, graduated university.

His neverending yabber and the way she could be silent for days and he wouldn’t mind.

His jokes, her jokes… His kindness. His heart.

His nervousness as they were on their way to Akuze, as if his body already knew what was going to happen.

“Dee, listen… Please… Do not let me become an anchor.”

He told her, once they knew there was nothing she could do to save him, bleeding slowly into his demise as they awaited for the help that would not be there on time.

And then, as she always does, she hears the last thing he whispered before his eyelids started to become too heavy for him to keep his eyes open for much longer.

“How about a song?”

He’d usually teased her, every week when they were on leave, from the moment he heard Anderson say that she had the voice of an angel.

And she always refused.

Except for once.

Except that day.

With his last breath he asked her to sing and smile and, for the first time, and last, she complied and started singing.

He passed as she was mid song, with a smile on his face, and holding onto her hand. And as she noticed his grip losing all its strength, started crying, for the first time since she was little, and kept singing through her tears until the song was over.

Took a minute to breath, planted a kiss on his forehead and, she saw the message of the ship that were coming to aid her she softly said:

“Okay.” As she sealed a promise to his late friend, and to herself, to keep moving forwards, even if it was only for him.

She wakes up abruptly as always, and the time on her clock hasn’t moved too much, which means revisiting all that suffering was for nothing.

“Okay...” She repeats now in the present, with a whisper, before taking the time to calm down. “Okay.”

Kaidan is still sleeping peacefully, as always, and she doesn’t want to disturb him and wake him up, as always. And, as always, she fails to do so.

She lasts around three seconds, before her body and heart, completely ignoring her better judgment, seek for comfort where she always finds it and, as if they have a life of their own, her arms quickly move to find Kaidan and embrace him.

Still half asleep he returns the hug, smiles a little and, as he comes back to reality, his eyes search for her, knowing what this type of waking up means half of the time.

Kaidan is not surprised to find tears on her face, for he’s seen them before and he also knows her past and knows that no one, not even Mio, could live free of pain after enduring so many horrors.

“I’m here…” He tells her, tightening the embrace even more, giving her a soft kiss on the top of her head.

She replies something incoherent and falls asleep in his arms, and now he is the one staring at her.

But Kaidan doesn’t feel pain. Not anymore.

The nightmares and regrets were left behind the moment she walked up in the hospital after the war, completely vanished, once he knew she would be okay.

Every stone in his path, every obstacle… Every loss. Everything he’s had to endure in his life had led him to her, right into her arms, and he’s well aware that he would’ve sacrificed even more without even blinking if he knew the end result was this one.

“Love you…” She whispers in her sleep,and he sighs a little as he feels his heart melting inside his chest.

“Always.” He replies, following her into a deep slumber.

#mass effect #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #shepard x kaidan #fshenko #femshep x kaidan #fluff #angst #wip tag #fanfic wip #post mass effect 3

12 notes · View notes

magic-ace · 3 months

Note

[Chess] Go shove it up your ass: the story of Hans Niemann's (alleged) vibrating anal beads, and the biggest scandal in chess history

Fuck you Rian Johnson, there's a new exciting mystery set during Covid. And this one has butt stuff in it.

This is a bit of a bizarre case: an incident in a niche hobby went viral and spread across the Internet, to the point where most of you have probably heard at least *something* about this. But so many people don't know *why* the anal play was so controversial, or even what happened. So sit down, relax, and lube yourself up, because we're going to slide inside of the biggest drama chess has ever seen (except Bobby Whoggy).

---

A few brief disclaimers before we start.

First, I don't want anyone to say that I haven't researched this well enough, or haven't checked my sources, so during the entire writing process, I have been wearing anal beads, which vibrate at varying speeds. During this time, I have not lost a single game of chess at the grandmaster level. That may be because I haven't *played* any games at grandmaster level, but I just think the beads are working.

Second, some of you may be worried that I'm not going to approach this seriously, and will spend a lot of time making anal jokes. You're absolutely correct. This writeup will be absolutely stuffed as I jam them in for your pleasure. But I also cover all the boring non-butt stuff as well, so you can stick around for that.

Finally, I tried writing a version of this where I'd stop occasionally to address public response. That immediately became unreadable, because there was *so much*. So while I'm only bringing up major figures, rest assured that at every point of this drama, there were hundreds of thousands of memes, tweets, and flame wars. This was (and often still is) half of the jokes on r/AnarchyChess. Every single person even remotely involved in chess knew about this. This got front page articles from major international newspapers. It was *big*.

With those settled, let's dive on in!

---

# Setting up the board

Chess is the game with the little horsies and the bloated monarchy running around on a checkerboard. While not the oldest game in human history, it has certainly been the most successful and long lasting over the past 1,600 years. Over those years it has been the game of kings, a way to test improvements in programming, and the easiest way for any writer to show you that a character is super duper smart.

It's a bit odd to talk about something as widespread as chess "becoming popular", but nevertheless, that's what has happened in recent years. In a perfect storm of people staying home due to Covid, new online options to play, streamers looking for content, and *Queen's Gambit* being a smash hit on Netflix, a new wave of people to play chess. The most popular website, Chess.com noted that their daily users have grown five times larger since 2020, with five million people each day and three times the subscribers.

With that wave came increased attention and focus on watching professionals. Some are just a classic Twitch stream, but there has also been a surge of interest in the world's top players at tournaments. After all, while most pro sports had to be shut down, chess tournaments could continue online with a minimum of difficulty. And as we all know in any hobby: new fans leads to mo money, which leads to mo drama.

Now that the pieces are all in position, let's look a little more at our two players.

**Magnus Carlsen** became grandmaster at *thirteen*, and became world champion in 2013. He has held that position uninterrupted since, a record only matched by legendary Soviet chess master Garry Kasparov (Gary Chess to his friends). If I went into all of his various achievements, awards, and tournament victories, I'd hit Reddit's 40,000 character limit, so just believe me when I say that he is *good* \-- maybe even the best ever. Aside from chess, Carlsen is generally seen as a decent guy. He's known for being mild mannered and polite, being both a good winner and loser. He has also managed to turn chess into a genuinely lucrative profession, on top of becoming a model and semi-celebrity with his own chess app.

It can be easy to underestimate the skills of chess grandmasters, and just hear "he's good". It goes way beyond that. Magnus playing a regular person in chess is like Muhammad Ali boxing against a cardboard cutout of a toddler. And that cardboard cutout is soaking wet. Chess scales exponentially, so he's not just crushing the average person, he is annihilating people who have dedicated their lives to the game.

**Hans Niemann** is the opposite of Magnus in many ways. While he also started chess at a younger age, he stalled for a few years, and didn't become a professional until he was in college (what a loser, am I right?). During Covid, he got a lot more into chess, amassing a significant following over Twitch. Part of that was due to his skill, but a large degree is how... let's say *passionate* he can get, win or lose. Unlike Carlsen's poker face, Niemann is prone to fits of emotion and yelling. You can get a picture of what that looks like [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2E3IsTQ5ISU&ab_channel=GMHikaru). This has lead him to be called the "bad boy of chess" (which is a bit like being the academic of the concussion ward). As you might imagine, he's not exactly well liked by many other chess players. According to close friends, Niemann has told them that he doesn't care how he's perceived, because he'll be good enough that major tournaments *have* to put up with him. He's well on his way to achieving that, with a rapid string of victories securing his spot as the fastest rising star in chess. However, even before this event, there were a number of rumors about him being a cheater.

Magnus and Hans represent the rapidly forming divide in chess, between the old and the new. This has been caused by the surge in online popularity, with far more amateur players being interested. Some don't even play that much, they just want to watch skilled streamers. As you can imagine, this can lead to more than a little bit of conflict. It also means that chess players now have *fandoms*, which is very weird, and also complicates drama, since each side's fans will follow along loyally.

Finally, the third character in our little drama. **Hikaru Nakamura** is sort of what you'd get if you crossed Hans and Magnus. He took a more traditional path to becoming successful chess player, at one point being ranked #2 in the world. However, he's far more well known for his Twitch stream, and is often credited as one of the major figures who started the online chess craze. Like Hans, he thrives on his personality -- although he tends to be less confrontational, more comedic. He has followed the time honored Internet tradition of "person who is really good at something uses their skill for stupid and ridiculous purposes", which has paid off. He is a friendly acquaintance of Magnus's, with the two of them collaborating to make the only use the [Bongcloud attack opening](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bongcloud_Attack) (a common chess meme) in a professional game. He has a rivalry with Hans, making fun of him on stream for things like his accent (Hans is known for a fake European accent, which he will forget to speak in at times).

But enough setup. It's time for the game to begin

# The Opening

>For quick development is of the utmost importance, and he who succeeds first in placing all his pieces, from their initial awkward positions, to such places as give them command of the greatest possible number of squares, has the better chance of concentrating a superior force on some important point.

---

Most people hearing about this drama assume it started at the Sinquefield cup, the incident that really went public. In reality though, it was the *second* incident.

**Always do foreplay before full anal**

The first sparks of drama occurred a month previously, in August of 2022, at the FTX Crypto cup. You may now pause to laugh at the fact that FTX sponsored an event to convince people crypto was for smart people, then went tits up and lost everyone's money after robbing them blind. But a company who got to the top by brash maneuvering and blatant lying might have been oddly prophetic.

Niemann beat Carlsen in their first match, a major victory for him. When asked how he managed to pull it off, he told reporters that "the chess speaks for itself", and wouldn't say more. Carlsen then proceeded to steamroll him in their next three matches, eventually winning the whole tournament.

This didn't exactly go *ignored* at the time -- Niemann's fans celebrated, and a few chess fans took note. But the FTX cup wasn't a prestigious competitive event, where players were at their best. It's a little like scoring some points on Michael Jordan in a game of pickup basketball: still good, but it doesn't mean you can beat him in an actual NBA game.

With that out of the way, let's move on to where it gets *really* juicy.

**Pounded in the butt by the Sinquefield Cup**

On a lovely St. Louis day, September fourth, Magnus faced down Niemann at the Sinquefield cup. It was a significant tournament, with a prestigious history, world famous players and a $350,000 prize. Ahead of the game, most of the discussion wasn't on who would win, it was how well/badly Hans would lose (or tie). He was never going to beat the world champion (especially since Magnus played white, a major advantage), but he could prove his skill by how close the game was. Except... Hans didn't lose. He won. Carlsen went on to hand Niemann his ass in the two speed chess games which followed, but nobody cared about those. The drama had begun.

This was... an upset can't even begin to describe it. Carlsen has been the world champion since 2013, and the #1 rated player since 2011. Since 2011, he has only lost nineteen times in classical games where he played white (to fifteen players). Given that he was playing against some of the best players in the world, that is a *staggeringly* impressive record. At the time of this game, he had not lost a similar game in the last fifty-three sittings, over two years. Niemann isn't *bad* \-- he's still competing at a level that most people could barely dream of, especially at his age. But this would be like if a random athlete from Belgium managed to outrun Usain Bolt. While wearing crocs. And hungover. Not to mention, it seriously damaged Magnus's attempts to raise his rating to 2900. The win seemed too good to be true -- which as it turned out, might have been because it wasn't.

**Magnus withdraws**

In a move that shocked and confused the chess community, Magnus withdrew from the tournament the next day. He refused to state why, only tweeting out [this](https://twitter.com/MagnusCarlsen/status/1566848734616555523?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1566848734616555523%7Ctwgr%5E78e3b897f66f8becfe7d31ba89075dd1472167ef%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fnew.chess24.com%2Fen%2Fwall%2Fnews%2Fmagnus-carlsen-withdraws-from-the-sinquefield-cup) \-- a withdrawal message, along with a video clip of Jose Mourinho saying "If I speak, I am in big trouble".

Jose Mourinho. The soccer/football coach. Whose comment about not speaking was because he wasn't allowed to make allegations of cheating.

Oh shit.

It may not seem like it, but in professional chess, this is a Very Big Deal. Withdrawing from a chess tournament, by your own choice, without some kind of emergency, at this level of play... it just isn't done. It's not just rare, or uncommon, *it doesn't happen*. Magnus had never done so in the past, nor had any other chess player at his level in the past fifty years. Former champion Gary Kasparov spoke out, asking Magnus to explain the decision, and calling it "unprecedented".

Along with the shock of him withdrawing, it meant the few games he'd already played were annulled for the purposes of the tournament -- so Niemann didn't get any benefit from his win. This almost certainly wasn't Magnus's main intent, and he didn't have a choice in it, but it can easily be seen as him twisting the knife.

The organizers politely wished Magnus well, and confirmed that he hadn't submitted any formal cheating complaint. Despite that, they instituted a fifteen minute delay on the broadcast, and increased anti-cheating measures. They later tweeted out that no player at the tournament was suspected of cheating, all of which fueled rumors even further.

**Niemann responds**

Niemann gave a [post game interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCeJrItfQqw&list=PLVWaFpMwtaGje62nXsd8ryInBy-nkKZs7&index=23&ab_channel=SaintLouisChessClub), discussing both the game and Carlsen's withdrawal. In it, he said

>And I think even if it was a draw, he was so demoralized because he was losing to such an idiot like me. It must be embarrassing for the World Champion to lose to me.

Not helping yourself dude.

Hans then went on to explain that, in actuality, it was all a big misunderstanding. Referring to it as a "ridiculous miracle", he explained that when studying Magnus's past games (a common tactic), he had seen Magnus use a similar variation of his opening against Wesley So at the 2018 London Chess classic. Problem solved, right? Still a good game, just a lucky one. Everyone can go home.

Except Magnus didn't play that opening against So. In fact, neither Magnus nor So played in that tournament at all, and analysts mentioned that the tactic was an unusual one for Magnus, not a repeat.

Whoops.

Throughout the whole interview, Niemann seemed to be struggling. He was unable to give explanations for some of his moves, and tried to argue that a computer's prediction for a move was wrong (it wasn't). All of this just caused even more speculation to grow.

PlayMagnus (Magnus's chess app) tweeted out in response to the interview, with a link to an article called "greatest chess scandals", and [a meme](https://imgur.com/a/Y3ms3Fr). This was quickly deleted.

**Suspicions of cheating**

As mentioned at the start, the chess world exploded. People argued, analyzed, and took sides, all while the memesters reveled in glorious chaos. The reigning world champion was taking on one of the most polarizing figures in chess. As mentioned previously, the chess corner of the Internet was on fire, and the blaze was quickly spreading.

Professional chess players generally stayed neutral. Some of them, such as Kasparov and Karpov (who, despite their names, aren't a comedic slapstick duo) seemed to take Niemann's side, arguing that the game showed no evidence of cheating. However, most critics added that they would like to hear Magnus come forward with actual complaints and allegations so that they could make a real judgement. Professional chess is relatively drama-free, with many unspoken rules of etiquette, so no one wanted to rock the boat. They were professional, reasonable, and *very* unsatisfying to read about, so let's talk about the fightin'!

Hikaru became a *very* significant figure in all this. He had never hesitated to criticize Hans before, and he made his thoughts very clear: Carlsen had withdrawn from the tournament because he believed Niemann had cheated. Given that he was a streamer, his analysis of the situation was far more animated and entertaining than most other professionals. He also claimed that Hans had been banned from Chess.com in the past for cheating, a claim repeated by several other figures in the chess world.

I'm taking time to note Hikaru's response, because he was a crucial part in all of this. Of course it was always going to be a drama within the chess community. But Hikaru is notable for both being an Internet person, and *understanding* the Internet. He communicates in memes, in jokes, with big splashy statements that throw aside rules of etiquette. No major drama can thrive off of bland, pre-planned press releases and ten hour long analysis videos that end inconclusively. Magnus and Hans may have lit the fire, but Hikaru was the oxygen that it needed to grow into an inferno.

Both sides had a lot of arguments, so I've gathered them all here.

||Magnus fans|Hans fans|

|:-|:-|:-|

|Hans's performance fell after the Sinquefield cup started using stronger anti-cheating methods, going from a 270 ELO to a 250|His performance is worse now because he can't cheat like before.|Hans was publicly accused of cheating by a major figure, and chess is a highly mental game. It makes sense that he'd lose focus. Plus, other players in the tournament had similar drops in performance.|

|Experts looking at the game suggested they didn't see any proof of cheating|That's because Hans did so subtly, and used technology sparingly. High level cheating can be hard to detect without analysis.|There's no evidence of cheating because there was no cheating, Magnus is just mad.|

|Hans's interview made it look like he didn't understand the moves he made, and made a false statement about learning from Magnus's past game|He clearly didn't make all these moves himself, because he's unable to understand them. His lie about analyzing Magnus's past game proves this even more.|Again, he was just accused of cheating by the world's best chess player. Of course his head wasn't in it.|

|Hans has a long history of credible cheating accusations|Once a cheater, always a cheater. Why would he stop?|There's not enough proof to say that. Also, the allegations are that he cheated in online matches, not high level in person tournaments.|

|The tournament had vigorous anti-cheating methods even before they increased them|Clearly, they weren't good enough, and we've seen evidence of people evading them in the past.|This shows that Hans couldn't have cheated even if he wanted to.|

**An aside: Cheating at high level chess**

I figured it'd be worth taking a moment, and explaining *why* there was such debate. After all, if Hans cheated, it should be easy to find out, right?

The problem with catching cheaters at high levels is that it is *very* difficult to do accurately. While plenty of cheaters get caught, they tend to either be low level players or they're physically caught with communication devices. The usual method of analysis is to compare the move suggested by a computer to the move played, and see how often they match up. Unfortunately, this is only really effective for amateurs. After all, "this grandmaster who dedicated years of their life to chess made a lot of optimal moves!" isn't exactly an airtight claim. They also have the skill required to play without the computer, so they can use it sparingly, and not get caught by an algorithm. Niemann could have made a move from a computer, then two or three of his own, then the computer, and so on.

So while analysis can prove that Niemann wasn't *entirely* relying on a computer, and it can *suggest* that his moves were his own, it is very hard to say that he never used one.

Making it even more difficult, chess is a game where a tiny advantage can have massive effects. A single suboptimal move -- not even bad, just suboptimal -- can lose you the whole game. Think about it like Olympic sprinters. Sure, adding 0.05 seconds to their time wouldn't seem like a big advantage. But at their level, a tiny advantage to one competitor can be what it takes to win.

One last thing: chess is a highly mental game (all those buff chess players you see are just a coincidence). So someone's emotional state, sleep patterns, hell, even their appetite can all provide that tiny edge someone needs. Remember that for later.

**Digital anal-ysis**

This is the point where the vibrating anal beads theory first started. Note that it started as anal *beads,* not a plug, like so many foolish butt plebeians thought. Trust me, *completely* different feel.

People joked that Hans Niemann had vibrating anal beads up his ass, with a friend watching the game. The friend would plug the board into an AI, get the best move, and vibrate it to Hans using the butt toy.

From what I can tell, Chessbrah was first to mention it on a stream (although Eric Hansen may have done so first). Within minutes of him saying it (and no, I'm not exaggerating), r/AnarchyChess had gleefully jumped onto the meme, and were milking the ~~prostate~~ joke for all it was worth. The most iconic version of it was penned by u/XiTro with [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/chessmemes/comments/x8217h/the_real_answer_is_actually_elementary_magnus/). Even Elon Musk (thrice cursed spawn of a dozen devils that he is) [weighed in on Twitter](https://www.chessdom.com/elon-musk-comments-on-accusations-towards-hans-niemann-tweetoftheday/).

Most treated it as the meme that it was, but a number of people seemed genuinely convinced. Several poor, long suffering reporters were told by their editors to go do a serious article about the potential butt-bead usage. An adult cam site even offered Hans a vast sum of money if he'd play nude to prove he didn't have anything up his... sleeve. The anal beads meme became far more well known than any of the other legitimate complaints about cheating.

**Hans finally responds**

In another interview on September sixth, Hans discussed the allegations. And oh boy, he came out swinging.

Throughout the entire interview, he was clearly pissed off. He admitted that he'd cheated twice on Chess.com -- once at age twelve, once at sixteen. But in the three years since then, he claimed he had played completely honestly. In addition, neither of the games was significant. There was no money or official tournament involved. Why should he continue to be punished for the mistakes he'd made as a kid?

He even seemed to address the anal allegations, which had clearly left him sore

>They want me to strip fully naked, I’ll do it ... I don’t care, because I know that I’m clean. You want me to play in a closed box with zero electronic transmission? I don’t care, you know? Name whatever you guys want.

Hans, buddy, with all kindness: I really do not want to see you strip naked. Please don't.

But all of that became secondary. Because in the interview, he announced that he had just been banned from Chess.com because of the recent match against Magnus. Remember how I mentioned earlier that Magnus had made a chess app? Well, just over a week before Magnus had lost to Niemann, Chess.com had offered to buy it for $87 million. That deal was later finalized, with Magnus becoming a "Chess.com ambassador".

The plot thickens.

Hans accused Magnus, Hikaru, and Chess.com of trying to destroy his career, and announced that he was going to fight back. Why Hikaru? Well, Hans had noticed what was being said in the stream, as shown [in his tweet](https://twitter.com/HansMokeNiemann/status/1567665353727135746).

The day after this, Chess.com uninvited Hans from a major tournament, explaining that they'd reached out to him privately to explain his ban, and reiterating that it was *not* in retribution for Magnus's loss.

# The Middlegame

>We must throughout maintain a favourable pawn formation, in view of the end-game which might be forced on us by exchanges. On the other hand, as soon as we have gained an advantage sufficient to secure the victory in the endgame, we must ourselves, by the exchange of pieces, try to reduce the position

---

**The rematch of the century.**

On September 19th, both Magnus and Hans were set to play against each other once again, in the Julius Baer Generation cup. The chess world waited with bated breath, and watched the stream to see what would happen.

Magnus made his opening move... then resigned, and switched off his webcam.

People were *shocked* \-- most of all the [poor announcers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IW9Z_-wxq4E&ab_channel=GuardianSport) left to deal with it (seriously, just watch their reactions). A number of popular streamers were live streaming the game, many of whom had [similar reactions as they watched it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rel6kLRZ-2w&ab_channel=ChessWolf). This was a definite breach in etiquette, and it shattered any remaining possibility that Magnus didn't suspect Hans. He was clearly refusing to play against him, and was purposefully making that statement in the most dramatic way possible.

It also pissed off a *lot* of people, including those who were fans of Magnus and who believed Hans cheated. The common sentiment was that if Magnus really believed Hans was a cheater, he should officially come out and say so, not dance around with middle school "I'm not playing with you" bullshit.

Magnus had stated that he'd refuse any interviews during the Baer cup (for reasons that are obvious in retrospect). However, when asked on broadcast, he replied

>Unfortunately, I cannot particularly speak on that, but people can draw their own conclusions, and they certainly have. I have to say I'm very impressed by Niemann's play and I think his mentor Maxim Dlugy must be doing a great job.

Hot *damn*. You can dislike Magnus, but the man has a genuine talent for subtle burns. Maxim Dlugy *was* Hans's mentor... and had been caught in a very public cheating scandal.

The International Chess Federation (FIDE) sent out a [tweet](https://twitter.com/FIDE_chess/status/1573337597879123969?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1573337597879123969%7Ctwgr%5E007c4f901c4aca744575b3562fd9e662e2fb4e8c%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cbssports.com%2Fgeneral%2Fnews%2Fchess-sex-toy-cheating-scandal-explained-world-no-1-magnus-carlsen-hans-niemann-in-wild-sports-controversy%2F) with their thoughts on the situation. They weren't the ones running either tournament, but they explained that, as the governing body for the chess world, they were tied up in it. Their message was similar to what most others were saying: "Cheating is bad, and we'll look into it. But Magnus, dude, get a hold of your shit and do this properly." It was a message that could have been crafted by a dozen politicians, saying a whole lot without taking a side.

(Magnus went on to win the Baer cup anyway, but no one really gave a shit about that.)

**Magnus finally responds**

The day after winning the cup, Magnus [tweeted out an official statement](https://twitter.com/MagnusCarlsen/status/1574482694406565888?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1574482694406565888%7Ctwgr%5E007c4f901c4aca744575b3562fd9e662e2fb4e8c%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cbssports.com%2Fgeneral%2Fnews%2Fchess-sex-toy-cheating-scandal-explained-world-no-1-magnus-carlsen-hans-niemann-in-wild-sports-controversy%2F)

At this point, the gloves were off. He formally stated that he believed Hans was cheating, calling out not just one game, but his entire adult career. He talked about how cheating was an "existential threat" to chess, and how he wanted to fight it as a whole. At least in terms of worries about general cheating, Magnus is correct. Chess is experiencing a boom in popularity (with far more prize money), and is moving online, which means that people suddenly have much more motivation and opportunitY to cheat. This reframed the issue, from Magnus protecting his own reputation, to him defending the game as a whole from cheaters.

Magnus pointed out that Niemann had not been taking their game as seriously as most players would, appearing relaxed and not paying attention "while outplaying me as black in a way I think only a handful of players can do". This can certainly come off as a tad... egotistical, but Magnus seems to just be stating the facts as he views them. Chess is a highly stressful mental game, and grandmasters excel at studying each other's body language. A game with the best player in the world *should* have had more of an effect. Was Hans relaxed because he knew he was guaranteed to win? Or was he just really good at bluffing?

But what's that? What's that teeny little sentence near the end that most people overlooked?

>I am not willing to play chess with Niemann

What many people would come to realize is that this was *massive*. If you're organizing a tournament, and you have to pick between the world champion and a guy who is a pretty good player (with a very bad reputation to boot), who are you gonna go with? Magnus had already proven he would follow through on his threat. He was essentially shutting Hans out from a lot of high level play, silently asking organizers to pick a side.

**A new challenger has entered the arena -- the Chess.com** **report**

Chess.com had been mostly quiet after banning Hans, just denying that it was in retribution for Carlsen's loss. And then, on October fourth, they released their [report](https://www.chess.com/blog/CHESScom/hans-niemann-report) (alongside a [Wall Street Journal Exclusive](https://www.wsj.com/articles/chess-cheating-hans-niemann-report-magnus-carlsen-11664911524). And they brought the receipts.

The document is seventy-two pages long, and includes detailed analysis of over a hundred online games played by Hans, proving that he'd cheated in them. They used software, checked with experts, and looked to see how often he was clicking away from the page mid-game. All of that combined showed a frequent pattern of cheating. Contrary to Hans's previous claims, he had absolutely cheated at high levels and when money was involved, especially against other streamers. Quite repeatedly in fact. And far more recently than he had admitted.

And if that wasn't enough, it revealed that Hikaru's allegations had been true -- Niemann had previously been banned from the site. They revealed messages between Hans and themselves, where Hans apologized for cheating, which lead to him being allowed back. They also had transcripts from a call he made

>As you \[Hans\] admitted to me \[Danny\] in our call where you confessed that “having a higher rating would mean people tune in more to my streams when I’m battling Hikaru, Danya or Eric (Hansen). I need people to believe that I’m a worthy rival to follow and subscribe”.

You *have* to wonder why he'd lie about something when he had handed evidence to the people he was lying about.

They explained that they usually kept such matters private, and were only revealing them because Hans had made a number of public claims against them, and they wanted to set the record straight. The report also repeatedly emphasized that Carlsen had not been involved in the decision to ban Hans from the site or tournament, and that they had not been biased against him.

Although most of the report focused on Hans's online play using their site, a few pages were dedicated to his OTB (over the board) play. They didn't make any concrete accusations, but pointed out some irregularities in his game with Magnus, along with suggesting that his rise in success with OTB (over the board) play was extremely rapid and suspicious. However, they concluded by saying that they could find no significant evidence of OTB cheating, but suggested that someone look into the irregularities further, as they had no authority or data to make a conclusive statement.

The report closed with a brutal finale: revealing a personal letter to Hans, sent just after he made public accusations against them. Much of it just details the same things mentioned above, but they closed by offering Hans a way to get his account back, and to play in tournaments again, if he was willing to own up to his mistakes and start playing honestly. Hans had refused. His permanent suspension was no one's fault but his own.

I guess you could say they wrecked 'em. Or in in this case, they rectum.

So... drama over, right? Niemann had just gotten slapped down *hard*, and was proven both a liar and a cheater. Except it wasn't over.

**The holes in the report**

Many people, both pros and fans, pointed out that the report didn't necessarily validate Magnus's claims. It could prove he had cheated online, yes, but it couldn't provide concrete evidence that he had cheated in any OTB game, including the one against Magnus.

And as many people were quick to point out, Niemann's skill jump *would* have been suspicious -- if it weren't for Covid. Being stuck inside for so long with nothing to do but play chess obviously meant that people would grow in skill much faster than usual. Niemann's rapid growth was matched by a number of other players, and in that context, wasn't as suspicious as it looked.

Additionally, the report had included a redacted list of *other* chess grandmasters who had been banned or suspended from the site for cheating. Some fans argued that, while Hans may have cheated, there was a culture of doing so, and Hans was unfairly singled out to be made an example of.

Finally, some pro players complained that they were worried about Chess.com banning them too if they criticized them. There is no current evidence of this happening, but some have claimed they were sent threatening emails. Chess.com obviously denies that. So far, no one has come forward with any proof on those emails, so we're left to speculate.

Still, Hans would probably fine so long as he didn't do anything monumentally stupid

**Hans does something monumentally stupid**

On October 20th, Hans filed a lawsuit against Carlsen, Play Magnus Group (Magnus's company), Chess.com, Daniel Rensch (Chess.com CCO), and Hikaru, demanding a hundred million dollars for supposedly destroying his livelihood with slander and libel (among other things). He announced it by saying (and I shit you not) "My lawsuit speaks for itself". You can read the whole thing [here](https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/23170256/niemann-carlsen-lawsuit.pdf), which I highly recommend. Please, I beg of you, read the whole thing. Or at least as much of it as you can stomach. It's like if the Navy Seal copypasta went to Harvard. It reads like a teenager making their first edgy, overpowered OC for some kind of chess fanfic, where the world is against him but he triumphs nonetheless. I mean, there is a motherfucking *narrative structure* here. Sure, it's not a *good* one, but damn if they didn't commit.

Regardless of if you think Hans cheated, his legal case is nonexistent. All parties involved -- even Hikaru -- were very careful in the wording they chose. They insinuate or accuse him of cheating online, but avoided anything that could be considered direct slander. In fact, many have since speculated this is why the Chess.com report was so purposefully noncommittal over OTB cheating: they knew he'd take them to court, and only wanted to make airtight claims. Funny enough, although the lawsuit spends a *lot* of time talking about the report, they skip over the emails in which Hans confesses.

Also, Professor Ken Regan? The guy who the filing cites as "the world’s foremost expert on cheating in chess"? The guy they claim disproved all of the claims against Hans in the report? Yeah, he's one of the guys who *wrote* the report, and is extremely pissed off about them claiming his support.

# Stalemate

>If one side or the other emerges from the conflict with some material gain, it will generally be possible to force a mate in the end-game, whilst if both sides have succeeded by careful play to preserve equality of material, a draw will generally ensue.

---

Sadly, there is no earth-shattering conclusion to all this. Magnus didn't hack into Hans's anal beads and crank them up to max when he was on live TV. Hans never managed to ***destroy*** Magnus with ***facts and logic***. Chess.com and Hikaru both filed for dismissal in the lawsuit, and while it may drag on for a long time, there is absolutely zero chance Hans will win it.

FIDE is still investigating the allegations, but it is going to be an *extremely* long process, and one unlikely to produce significant results. They require a 99% accuracy result to convict someone of cheating (barring physical or eyewitness evidence). They're pretty anal about this, and are notorious tightasses. Given that analysis by the best experts in the world has utterly failed to find anything so far, I doubt that Magnus's claims will pay off.

In contrast, the Chess.com report is airtight, and pretty much shut down any complaints in that area, as well as discrediting Hans's word. He still has some diehard supporters, but few people dispute the fact that he cheated online.

I don't think there's any party that came out of this experience with their reputation unscathed. Magnus is still widely popular, but more and more people have grown to dislike how he handled the situation, and doubt is cast on his accusations. Meanwhile, Hans's fate is far harsher. Few people still like him, and he has become more of a running joke than a serious contender. The common sentiment seems to be that even if Hans wasn't guilty of the exact thing Magnus accused him of, he was still a cheater and won't be missed. There's a heavy sense of karma around it.

It's more than a little Shakespearean: Hans had a very solid argument, and could have attracted a lot of sympathy. He *was* accused of OTB cheating without evidence, and *did* suffer because of Magnus publicly blacklisting him. If he'd stuck to that story, and avoided shitslinging, his reputation would have remained intact, and Chess.com never would have released their report. Hans has an aggressive style of play, and it appears that translates over into his real life as well. Ultimately, he is to blame for his own downfall. Worst of all for him, he's not just remembered for the cheating he did -- he is forever immortalized as "the butt plug guy". An eternal joke.

Both players have continued their professional careers. But given that Hans was [given an extra thorough ass-scanning](https://www.tmz.com/2022/10/06/chess-grandmaster-hans-niemann-butt-scan-accuse-cheat-us-championship/) at security, it seems that people are unlikely to forget. People are left with the unanswerable question:

**Did Hans cheat against Magnus?**

At the end of it all, this is the question we're left with. We know that he cheated online, that's undeniable. So he was certainly *willing* to do so. But none of the methods he used online would work in person.

The anal beads theory is obviously ridiculous (probably). However, there *have* been several instances of people sneaking in communication devices, or finding other ways to get around anti-cheating methods.

Hans has pointed to the fact that he has been scanned for devices at all games he has played in since as proof. The issue is that... it's not really proof at all. All it proves is that he's not cheating in the present, which, given that the eyes of the world are on him, just proves that he's not a complete moron. No one doubts he's good enough to play very well on his own against similar or lesser players. The question is if he cheated against Magnus, which can't be retroactively disproven.

However, Magnus is also left without any way to prove his claims. Analysis has failed to provide any significant evidence of cheating, meaning that he'd have to find proof of the method Niemann used, or get an actual confession from Hans, both of which seem unlikely to ever happen. At this point, the only things Magnus has are speculation and circumstantial evidence.

One theory suggests that Magnus had heard the cheating rumors about Hans before their game (something Magnus confirmed). As mentioned, chess is a highly mental game, and there is a noted phenomenon where players are worse when they think their opponent has a bot (they often doubt themselves, or are distracted by speculation). This may have given Hans the edge he needed for a legal victory.

I'll confess to some bias here. Obviously, I don't like Hans as a person (I doubt anyone really does). And I'll admit, I wanted to believe he cheated. But I also have to admit that, at least against Magnus, the evidence seems to be on his side. In the end, I guess the chess skill was inside Hans all along. Deep, deep inside him.

After all that, I guess there's just one thing you can say: Holy hell.

I do not even enjoy chess -- no less what appears to be strange chess RPF. Be warned, dear viewers: this anonymous ask is filled with a fair amount of swearing and absurdist sexual content. Perhaps you (no, not the asker) are, as they say, "into" chess RPF. You do you, friend.

#textposting #askposting #...#Ellipses Anon I must ask #How do you find these posts?

1 note · View note

caribouv · 1 year

Text

2022 best

If it's first it means it's not last. This is probably the most underwhelming and unexciting yearly list I've ever put together.

+ ALBUM

Foxtails - fawn

FONTAINES D.C. - Skinity Fia

Drunk Uncle - Look Up

Birds in Row - Gris Klein

Pool Kids - s/t

OCULA - Crossroad

Le Youth - Reminders

Horsegirl - Versions

Beach House - Once Twice Melody

Soccer Mommy - Sometimes, Forever

+ SONG

Chase Plato - Set You Free

djimboh - Up Here (with Lumynesynth)

+ RECORD/COVER

Honestly, whatever Lane 8 / This Never Happened cooked up this year. I spent too much time listening to mixes and not enough time paying attention to what was actually playing.

+ SET/MIX

Deep Woods with Pretty Pink was awesome, but Lane 8's season mixes played on repeat this year from start to finish. You could just throw any of these on and you've got instant 2-3 hours of deep house, trance. I'm listening to Fall 2022 right now.

Foxtails on Audiotree is awesome too. It's wild the vocals coming out of that girl.

+ MOVIE

This Place Rules (even though fucking Andrew certainly doesn't.)

Trainwreck Woodstock 99'

Nope

Pearl

Movies sort of sucked this year for me. Though to be fair I'm wildly behind on my list: The Whale, Marcel Shoes, Inisherin, Till, Quiet Girl, Avatar 2, All Quiet, etc. etc.

+ TV SHOW

Andor and Queen's Gambit. Without a dobut. Vox Machina is so so so good, but those two shows are on a different level.

Also to note: TV was really, really good this year. Half Bad, Power Rings, Dragon House, Yellowjackets, Arcane, Cyberpunk, Midnight Club, Eps 4 7 8 of Curiositiy Cabinents, Stranger Things 4, End is Nye, Prehistoric Planet, White Lotus, Severance, 1899, Wednesday, Maisel 4, Fleabag 2. I really don't think I watched much anything I didn't like other than that Salt Fat Acid garbage.

+ ACTOR

Voice actors from Vox Machina. I'm so stoked for s2 coming up here next week.

+ VIDEO GAME

Another year of Dead By Daylight. I can't get away from this game.

Project Zomboid and 7 Days To Die are both stellar. It reminds me of the Minecraft/Terraria split from 2010. WOTLK was generally a lot of fun, but I think it's more than just playing resto shaman is a blast. Cycle Frontier was cool af and the only reason I quit is because of how cracked the players are at it. But DBD. D. B. D. I think I'm at like 1,850 hours in it.

+ BOOK

Still going through Wheel of Time. I'm at book 9. They are not mindblowing anymore and I'm getting bored of the constant gender distrust themes, but they are absolutely epics.

+ ATHLETE

M FUCKING BPAPPE. I haven't seen a soccer game as exciting as that world cup final in years.

+ PERSON

Penny or Houdini or my Mom

+ FOOD

I stopped eating out as much this year and instead tried making the food I'd order because budget. Pad Thai, Enchiladas, Lasagna, Chicken Parmesan, Ragu, Soups, Roasts, etc.

The best thing I made over and over this year was Biba's Ragu though. It's dumb how easy it is for how good it is.

Also onions. No matter what you're making, if you add onion to it then it will be better. Spaghetti, eggs, potatoes, ramen, sandwich, burger, salad, pizza, chicken, soup, noodles, rice, beans, etc. ADD ONIONS.

+ TRIP

I went nowhere this year.

+ MOMENT

Probably quitting and getting the fuck out of my mismanaged firm. God damn that was liberating af. Two other attorneys peaced the fuck out right after me too.

+ BIGGEST LETDOWN

Losing Luigi was horrible.

The new Odesza and Flume albums were trash.

Blowing my ankles out in late Feburary sucked because I was starting to really get going with running in a good way.

Clerks 3 had such a brilliant concept to go full circle, but instead it just degrading into clunky fan service, old references, and cameos.

Goals for 2023: Read more nonfiction & a bit the same as 2022: create something be it flash fiction, story, game, whatever.

0 notes

tintaszirmok · 2 years

Text

mid year book freak out tag 2022

I don't usually do these kind of tags but I saw this fun one on Youtube, so I thought why not? So this was inspired by Cari.

I read 19 books so far, 13 of these were YA and mostly fantasy, which is actually better than what I was expecting after my reading slump/lack of motivation/time during April, so here are my superlatives for books in the first half of 2022.

1. Best book you’ve read so far in 2022?

Might be because it's one of my most recent reads but I really enjoyed The Raven Cycle series this year, especially Blue Lily, Lily Blue and The Raven King.

2. Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2022?

Since the above-mentioned books are sequels themselves, they apply to this question as well.

3. Most anticipated release for the second half of 2022?

The Final Gambit without doubt, even though the 2nd book wasn't as strong as the first, I'm really curious about the final instalment of The Inheritance Games, so I can't wait! I've pre-ordered it before I even finished the second book.

4. Biggest disappointment?

Red, White & Royal Blue. It's disappointing especially because I really enjoyed the beginning, it was so fun and the premise was so promising but the second half of the book was just not for me.

5. Biggest surprise?

Probably The Raven Cycle because I haven't expected to like it so much

6. Newest fictional crush?

Richard Gansey III because I love me some smart guy with complexes and a bit of trauma, all in for his friends, really.

7. Newest favourite character?

I feel like I keep answering with the TRC but I really liked the characters: Adam, Blue, Gansey, Henry, Matthew, Ronan... I can't really choose.

8. Book that made you cry?

I don't remember crying over a book this year but probably Everything I Never Told You would be the closest.

9. Book that made you happy?

Iron Widow because it was nice to read about a female main character like Zetian.

10. Favourite book to movie adaptation you’ve seen so far this year?

Not a movie, but I read Queen's Gambit after watching the show and it was very well done!

11. Most beautiful book you bought/got this year?

House of Salt and Sorrows

12. What books do you really need to read by the end of this year?

I don't have a TBR but I started the Dreamer Trilogy, so I would like to finish that. Also The Final Gambit. I got The Committed as a gift, so that.

#reading stuff #mid year book freak out tag

0 notes

blackandwhitemotley · 3 years

Photo

#rote #Realm of the Elderlings #robin hobb #rain wild chronicles #dragon keeper #erek #detozi #kim #meme #i haven't even seen the queen's gambit #but keeper kim trying to cockblock erek and detozi cracks me up #i live for these 2 idiots and their pigeon drama

51 notes · View notes

cithaerons · 3 years

Text

my only opinion on mainstream media feminism / misogyny discourse is just. wow you really do see like 20x more discourse about female characters maybe being misogynist than male characters.

#like the whole shtick about beth harmon in the queen's gambit being a Male Fantasy because she was pretty & wore dresses in the... 1960s #& sometimes slept with people. like TQG had problems for sure but. nobody ever mentioned she was almost canonically autistic & was.#obviously deeply traumatized.... all discussion is like. She Is Hot. Is She Male Fantasy. Misogynism Wins!#im pretty sure i've seen more talk about cruela deville (or however you spell it) in these past 2 wks than kylo ren in the entirety of #entirety of my tumblr experience #(kylo ren being the Most Controversial of male villains on tumblr......)#(i have zero opinion about the cruella deville stuff i didn't even know there was a movie coming out & i haven't give a shit abt #101 dalmations since i was 8 years old. so i just. have no opinion.)#(im just alarmed at the shear breadth & quantity of The Discourse on all of this)

14 notes · View notes

doctorjennifermelfi · 3 years

Text

i know in my heart that if joe wright was casting p&p 2005 today, anya taylor-joy would be one of the bennett sisters

#probably Mary #I haven't seen anything she's been in not even queens gambit it's just a vibe #pride and prejudice #no offence to the former Mrs elon musk who was a fine Mary

4 notes · View notes

completeoveranalysis · 3 years

Text

Warning! This post contains spoilers up to chapter 170 of Tsubasa (and Chapter 71 of xxxHolic). Please skip this if you have not read that far.

Please also make no comments about what happens after that point in either manga.

SO here is the other splash image that really stuck out to me:

This time not because of the Seresu arc but because of how the Infinity arc itself ends.

Here's the link to the original post the image is from if you'd like the full context, but the particular quote from that post I want to use as a reference is here:

"Syaoran also sits on the throne - which as far as I can tell, isn’t his. ... The only one ever wearing the crown they’re all wearing [on their clothes] is Sakura. Now, does it make sense that Syaoran has usurped her throne? Heck yeah! He’s stolen everything from her. He’s stolen her journey (they’re following him now, always a step behind), he’s stolen her feathers, and he’s stolen the person she’s in love with."

Where I was kind of on the right track but couldn't have possibly guessed what all the chess imagery was ultimately feeding into. Looking back now the initial liveblogs for all of these Chess-related splash images are such a big mix of different iconography, so it’s very fun reading through all my old guesses back then. I think I did a really good job of trying to decipher some of it, especially the Cinderella and Snow White imagery in Chapter 140, but the Chess was a bit trickier.

Which, like, understandable, because the chess game that was happening in the chapters was stressful as heck and did not end well, but there is a nice conclusion to it with this image which is easier to read now - especially in regards to Sakura. Because it's made very clear to the viewer that the symbol of the Queen piece is in reference to her; both in these splash images (where she wears the crown at one point, and every character wears the symbol in ways that reflect their allegiance to her) and in the plotline, where she functions as the Queen of the battles taking place. Here is another good example of the symbol being used for Sakura with it right there on her throne, and the two Syaoran's wearing the symbol in smaller ways to represent their relationship to her. But with that all in mind? I had no idea what it was really getting at with Syaoran on Sakura's throne here.

BUT NOW I DO.

If you go back to that example I just gave with Sakura sitting on her throne? It's a different throne! It still makes it very clear that she's undeniably the Queen piece, with the symbol in gold actually being a key part of the throne itself.

And the throne Syaoran sits on? It has the crown symbol as part of the decoration, but it's not representing him, it's just a small symbol to show that matches Sakura's throne. This throne is his own.

He's the King piece.

(And, important distinction; the throne is not Lava Lamp's, but our original plotline Syaoran who is now in Autopilot mode.)

This wouldn't have occurred to me the first time through because I was focused so much on what this might mean for Sakura, and how she related to everyone else, but the way the Infinity Arc ends really hammers this home. After all, Sakura is the mastermind in this arc - everything that happens is according to her plan. She's not playing chess just during the literal chess matches, but during the entire plotline, moving every character and circumstance into place to enact her final plan; to activate both Chi's at once, absorb both their feather's, and trigger Fai's curse - resulting in her pseudo (if purely physical) death. But like we see in the plotline, this isn't a loss - it's a win. It's exactly how she planned things to unfold, and it will lead her to winning the game.

Just in case anyone isn't familiar, in Chess the queen is the most powerful piece capable of the widest variety of moves - but the queen is not the endgame goal. You can lose the queen piece in any game and (besides losing a powerful piece) it's not the end of the world. You can still win the game without the queen piece. It's the King piece that's the Win/Loss condition. The King is the piece you have to keep safe at all costs, even if you lose other pieces in the process. The second the King dies, the match is over. You've lost.

And this matches exactly how Sakura played the series events. She was the Queen in control of every move, and Syaoran was the Win condition she was focused on. She foresaw Fai killing Syaoran in the future - which, for her, is the Losing Scenario. She planned everything to avoid this, and she succeeded! She lost the Queen piece (ie, her physical body) but won the ultimate goal of keeping the King safe. She won the 3D future chess game that she was playing by herself, and positioned herself in the place that would have the most benefit for the victory at the end. (Which I still haven't seen, but she was VERY confident about this having a better result than Fai killing Syaoran.)

I'm also super happy that this ties in really well with the fairy tale allusions I talked about back in Chapter 140, but in ways I wasn't aware of back then either.

I talked about Snow White and how the apple (that shows up in a lot of the splash images in Infinity) may have been referring to Sakura's tendency to sleep a lot. What I didn't realise was that Sakura was essentially about to pull the Big Brain Snow White maneuver on herself to ultimately win her chess game. While in Snow White the poison apple is a trap, here Sakura sprung the trap intentionally. Fai is the apple she bit into deliberately - she arranged it so that killed her body, breaking his own curse, and sent her to the World of Dreams (and thus, she is asleep) which also placed her in a Glass Coffin (aka The Jam Jar of Dreams - Im sorry I have no memory of what it's really called). So the Snow White metaphor is now complete.

But also Cinderella! In the image for 140 Sakura is trying on a glass slipper - so she's Cinderella figure as well. But at this point in the plot the clock hadn't struck midnight just yet - like Cinderella, Sakura knew the exact time limit she had to work with, and for her the timing had to be PRECISE. She spent all of Infinity stressed out of her mind about this plan she couldn't trust anyone else with, knowing full well that if she missed the window even slightly it would ruin absolutely everything and they would all lose. Which, funnily enough, makes Yuuko the fairy godmother, since she provided Sakura with the magic she needed to make her plan happen (via wishes). This also means that Fai stabbing her with the sword is the exact moment the clock struck twelve - and like the spell finishing, Sakura could finally drop the act and explain what she had done, even as all the magic disappeared (ie, her luck being traded away). There's even a detransformation sequence of a sort, with her body and soul going in two different directions. But either way, the Cinderella metaphor is also complete!

And with all that done the last part I want to talk about is back in the image of Syaoran on the throne. He's framed on either side with the curtains that portray the chess board, and they're tied back by chains with him in the very centre. He is visually chained to the board - which, like, of course he is. With his Autopilot programming in place he's essentially just a chess piece without any will of his own - a winning piece, for sure, but he's still being moved around without his choice. He's playing the game on auto, making the moves that will lead him to the winning gambit, but without his individual soul he has no choice but to keep playing until the game is over. The goal he's working towards isn't even his - it's Evil Wolverine's. So in the same way that everyone else was a chess piece in Sakura's strategy (if, sort of, willingly), including Sakura herself, Syaoran is a piece being moved around in Evil Wolverine's favour - though if he dies, it's game over for Sakura's side as well.

I'm unclear if Syaoran dying would be a game over scenario for Evil Wolverine, but at the very least it would end the game he is currently playing.

So, in the hyper future 3D chess game that Sakura was playing by herself she couldn't properly win the game for her side by taking out Syaoran because he's her king piece too. Syaoran is the piece at the centre of everything, and will be the key to winning the game for either side. We just have to wait and see if Sakura's gambit will pay off in the way she thinks it will.

#For the record I THINK IT WILL #I believe in her #This has been: a lot of imagery #Tsubasa Catch Up Chronicle #Catch up T144 #Catch up T145 #Catch up T140 #Tsubasa #Ok so Sakura is confirmed Chess Genius y/y?#Sakura #Syaoran #and CHESS

83 notes · View notes