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national-nobody-writes · 3 years

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2020 Creator Wrap

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by the oh so talented @irolltwenties!

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I’m not a particularly prolific writer (WIPs for days, but completed projects? Not so much). Somehow in this hell year though, I did manage to complete more fics than in any previous year for a total of seven new works (~49k words, all on ao3), plus a chunky chap of a long running WIP (~20k words) so I’m actually pretty damn proud of myself! I also made some new fandom friends in 2020 which has easily been one of the biggest delights of the year & has definitely helped my creative momentum, so ty all for that. <3

Counting down from 5, here are my favs:

5. Downtime

I have endless love for JayRoy and it felt so good to finally finish something for them for once this year! All of my past WIPs primarily focused on them ended up firmly in my graveyard folder, including the fic that this one shot was originally meant to be connected to. I liked the way this turned out well enough to clean it up and post it on its own though, so at least now I can say that I have something published for them at last.

(Also it got me back into the JayRoy headspace enough to outline a whole YJ/Earth16 JayRoy fic that I’m excited to start drafting in 2021, so we’ll see where that goes...)

2.3k NSFW; A mix of playful sweet and roughness, just like them.

4. Mirror Image

Bluepulse Week really saved me this year in terms of forcing me to just write, damn it! Did I finish all the prompts this year? Nope. Did it get me to complete a handful of fics that I ended up really loving? Yes. This was one of them.

This fic zoomed into existence entirely out of necessity as an alt idea to a prompt that I had a much longer idea for, but didn’t have time to complete. It then got a positive enough reception that I decided to turn it from a crack-adjacent, passable one-shot to a slightly more developed two-shot by request of one of my commenters. Really, it was writing that second chapter that ended up endearing the fic to me.

6.3k Humor, time travel shenanigans & accidental dating. This fic is the sweetness of teenage crushes, the confusing mess of discovering your sexuality, & laughter with your best friend.

3. Soft Wesper One Shots

Would you look at that, another nsfw piece. Could it be that I’m starting to get to the point where I can look back at completed nsfw fics without cringing terribly? Love that for me.

This fic took me by surprise, tbh. I wouldn’t consider myself a part of the grisaverse fandom (I’m utterly ambivalent toward the OG trilogy & have no plans to read them), but I did fall deeply in love with the whole Six of Crows gang earlier this year to the point of having quite the book hangover afterward, unable to pick up anything else except related fanfic for a couple weeks straight. These fluffy, nsfw scenes were born out of that, and I was pleasantly surprised to see such a positive response to them in the comments. The whole SoC gang has my heart, but the dynamic between Jesper and Wylan in particular got my writing fingers itching.

3.7k Domestic, post-canon fluff & tender sex with flirty Jesper & blushing Wylan abound.

2. Stick With Me

Ohh, I still get warm fuzzies thinking about this fic! If I’m only low-key proud of the first three on this list, this is one I’m legitimately very proud of. I had this idea on the docket already from a convo with @ivyxwrites early this year (or maybe last year? who knows, time means nothing anymore) but used Bluepulse Week as the excuse to finally get started, and I ended up adoring the process of writing it far more than I anticipated.

As much as I love planning out meticulously crafted, plotty stories, sometimes all you want to do is pick some well-loved tropes out of a hat instead and run with them (in this case: stuck in a cabin, only one bed, & heated argument leading to confession). It was freeing to just mess around and have fun with this fic, knowing pretty much right from the get-go how I wanted it to unfold and seeing it so vividly in my mind. It also probably helped that I was writing it for Ivy; it’s much easier for me to stay motivated when creating directly for my friends.

Finishing this was also such a serotonin-filled burst of pure victory for me since, as previously stated, I’m terrible at finishing projects--particularly multi-chap fics, particularly within a decent timeframe.

25.5k A showcase of the essence of what I love about the best friends-to-lovers dynamic. Part character study, part wires getting crossed & uncrossed, and whole idiots to lovers. This fic is the warmth in the pit of your stomach from a yearning made real & the sudden clarity of realizing what you were looking for had already been there all along.

1. The Rest Pt 1: Delicate (Remember Me Chap 4)

Oh, Remember Me. Of everything I’ve ever written, this story remains the one I’m most proud of and certainly the closest to my heart (not to mention the longest running, whoops). The first iteration of the beginning of this story was actually drafted back in 2017, but I walked away from it for a couple of years before deciding to dust it off and try again. It has spiraled into something far bigger in scope than I originally planned for, but I’ve come to love the path it’s led me down so far, and finishing this whopping 20k chunkster of a chapter was like breathing a huge (if temporary) sigh of relief.

This chap was particularly cathartic to write because it allowed for a number of convos between the boys that had really needed to happen, and was finally the ‘getting together’ moment the fic had been building toward for a while. It’s also so sappy I could die, but I will not be apologizing for that, lol. I was really hoping to get Chap 5 up this year as well, but y’know. Sometimes things just don’t work out like you plan for and that’s okay.

Chap 5 does have 17k done already (with prob another 5-8k still to go) & I’m itching to share it, but no sense in rushing if the end result would suffer for it. Luckily, everyone in comments has been kind enough to beat me over the head with ‘take your time, we don’t mind/we’ll still be here!!!’ which I’m immensely grateful for. So, at least the pressure to hurry up and get it done is purely self-inflicted.

Of all my works, this fic has not only gotten the most passionate responses, but has also been the main gateway for me to interact with other bluepulse creators, which has been a real joy. Nothing brightens my day like the essays people leave me over there from time to time after discovering the fic. That kind of engagement is the highest praise, & responding is very self indulgent fun for me (bc, clearly, I could go on and on about this fic & YJ in general forever).

54.8k total so far (WIP). Bart & Jaime’s relationship journey from beginning to ‘current day’ (aka the moment the fic begins), using amnesia/memory restoration as a framing device. The high highs and low lows of first love, navigating a 3 yr age difference, and the long, winding road from best friends to lovers as the years roll on. Slow-burn-adjacent (in terms of both the boys’ relationship to each other and reader’s relationship to the fic bc of how long I take between goddamn updates).

Tagging @ivyxwrites, @incorrectbatfam, @paintingwithdarkness, @bluepulsebluepulse

#writing #fanfic #dc #young justice #bluepulse #jayroy #wesper

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calumance · 4 years

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LA Devotee - Part I

Warnings: cursing, drinking, divorce, smoking, depression

Word Count: 3.2k

Summary: Emily went through a pretty rough divorce when she got a new job that involved moving to a different state. After moving, her best friend has continuously tried to cure her depression, but nothing has worked. It’s not until she meets the brown eyed man in the club that maybe life will start looking clearer

A/N: Hello!!! Oh my gosh, I finally reached 400 followers!! So, to celebrate this milestone, I am posting the first chapter to a fic I have been working on for, like, two months, but have kind of kept to myself. I hope you all like it, let me know if you want to read more!! 😊

The door locked with a click as the deadbolt set into place. As I turn around I am welcomed by the boxes stacked high that I have yet to unpack. It’s been three weeks since I moved here, and I’ve continuously put off unpacking, even on the weekends when I absolutely nothing to do. It’s not that I don’t want to unpack, it’s just because I’m lazy (which might be a side effect of the crushing depression). A sigh escapes from my lungs causing my chest to fall and I step my way into my drab apartment. Just as I get to the fridge to pull a Smirnoff Ice out of the fridge, the mail was dropped through the metal slot and onto the floor. As I twist the metal cap off the drink, my eyes catch sight of a large orange colored envelope. I took a large swig of the drink, not taking my eyes off the envelope. My heart sinks knowing exactly what was in that envelope.

The glass of the bottle clanks as I roughly set it on the counter and make my way to the envelope. I squat down and pick up the envelope and my heart instinctually starts to race. My finger quiver as I turn the envelope around in my hands. The contents of this envelope are the exact reason I am standing in this tiny apartment surrounded by the boxes that contain my entire life. My eyes close and I drop my right hand, still holding onto the envelope while my left elbow rests on my knee and my hand slides down my face. I think about crumbling them, maybe even lighting them on fire. Three months ago, this had all been completely mutual, but as the process went on, it became completely one sided.

The office was cold and smelled like wet wood. An interesting smell for the inside of a lawyer’s office. I looked out the window towards the downtown skyline. The glass touched my lips and I took a drink of whatever whiskey the lawyer’s assistant had gotten me. A man behind me cleared his throat, causing me to jump and spin around. Mr. Hernandez was standing in the doorway holding onto some papers. The look on his face told me that what he was about to say was not about to be good. As much as I wanted to set my drink down, there was a voice in my head telling me to hold onto it. “He, uh, didn’t accept the conditions and came back with new ones.”

“What the fuck do you mean he didn’t accept the conditions? I felt like I was being MORE than reasonable saying we should split everything 50/50.” I stomped toward him and snatched the papers out of his hands and started reading. My eyes scanned over every word on the page as I carefully took in the new conditions. The rage in my stomach started to boil, to the point where I was physically trembling. I was right in not putting down my drink, because I threw my head back and downed the remaining amber liquid. My hand slammed the glass down and I held my breath for a second so I wouldn’t start yelling. “This motherfucker wants to take everything I have? Why? What the hell did I do to him? He’s the one who decided to divorce me when I told him I got a new job and have to move to LA.” My eyes connected with Mr. Hernandez’s, who was obviously feeling the same pain I was feeling. I dropped the papers to my side and closed my eyes and let the tears fall. “Fine, tell him I accept. I don’t care anymore. I just want enough that I can move to LA without sinking.”

Mr. Hernandez nodded and had me sign on the line that said I agreed to the conditions, even though I didn’t. Over the years I had learned how to deal with him, and deal with all the shit he threw at me, but this, this reminded me of just how miserable he has made me for the past five years. After Mr. Hernandez walked out of the room, I knew that my life was over, or at least this part of it. The book of my early adulthood was finally coming to an end. Maybe moving to LA was going to be good for me. A fresh new start, away from the guy who took so much of my youth away from me. It took a minute before Mr. Hernandez came back into the room, and when he did, he didn’t seem too surprised that I literally hadn’t moved. “So, the papers will be filed tomorrow. In the State of Colorado it takes about 90 days for the divorce to be final. We will mail you the completed files to your new address in California. If you need anything else Ms. Williams,” My heart skipped and I cringed when he used my maiden name, only digging the reality of how real this was further into my heart, “Please, let me know.”

My eyes sprung open and I ripped the envelope open. The envelope fell to the ground as I pulled the finalized divorce papers out. The fire in the pit of my stomach raged as I read through everything I was entitled to and everything he was entitled to. He took everything from me, the only thing I was entitled to was the money I put down on the house we bought together, my clothes, and anything my mom had bought for us. Everything else was his, he was still living in the house I put the money down on, he still had our dogs, he still had everything. I stood up and tossed the papers onto the counter and grabbed my drink. My head tilted back, and I chugged the whole drink down. I grabbed a second drink and walked out of the kitchen towards the couch. As I fell back onto the couch, it moved backwards causing it to make a screeching noise across the hardwood floor.

The annoying sound of my phone ringing caused me to groan out loud. The name on the phone is that of my newest friend, and also my best friend, Mikayla. “Hello?” I answer, not really wanting to talk to her, but it was better than sitting here wallowing in my own self-pity.

“Emily! What are you doing right now? No, wait don’t answer that, because every time you do, I just end up feeling bad for you.” She wasn’t wrong, I’m pretty much a miserable person. I have been since I got my life ripped out from underneath me. “It’s Friday night, you should go out with Trevor and me. We’re going to this club that is supposed to super fun.”

There was no way I was going to catch myself in a club. Drinking by myself at home sounded just fine for a Friday night, “No, I’ll pass, thanks though.” She complained in my ear consistently for five minutes, and just because I wanted her to shut up, I gave in, “Fuck, okay! I’ll go, but I’ve already been drinking.”

She squealed, obviously a lot more excited about going out than me, “That’s fine, Trevor and I will come and pick you up. Dress cute!” She hung up before I could even protest. My eyes scanned all of the boxes. There had to be a good club outfit in there somewhere.

It took a while, but I finally found myself standing in front of my mirror wearing a blue spaghetti strap dress that was form fitting and looked as if it was a wrap, coming to an upside-down V in the front. In another box I pulled out a pair of sparkly gold four-inch pumps. I curled my shoulder length blonde and pink hair and plastered my face with a classy smoky eye and a deep red lipstick. There was a knock on my door, bringing me out of my thoughts. I threw my leather jacket over my arms and flicked my hair out of the back. When I swung the door open, Mikayla gasped. “Emily, you clean up so nicely, I mean, not that you look bad at work, just like, damn.”

“Thanks, can we go now, because the sooner we leave, the sooner I can come home.” Before we left, Mikayla managed to look at the inside of my apartment. She looked at me with a concerned look, but I brushed it off, just as I do with every concerned look I get. My mom gives me a lot of those looks when I am facetiming her. I’m not saying she shouldn’t give me those looks, but I am saying I’m allowed to be hurt and be depressed after my life was literally signed away from me. I am allowed a grieving period, even if it is longer than it should be.

“I, uh, got the finalized papers in the mail today.” I said in a monotone voice as we reached Trevor’s car.

Mikayla stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me, “Oh, shit, Emily. Are you alright?”

The door handle popped as I pulled it open. My hand grabbed the door as I gathered my thoughts and turned to Mikayla. “Yeah,” I nodded, “Yeah, I’m okay.” That was a lie.

All the people in the club were standing shoulder to shoulder, which immediately put me on edge. The only place that didn’t have a lot of people was the bar, telling me that most of the people in this place were too young to purchase drinks. Mikayla and Trevor went off towards the dancefloor while I went off towards the bar. I pulled out a barstool and took my jacket off, placing it on the back of the barstool. The bartender had to yell at me over the music to get my order, which just solidified how terrible of an idea this was. After I yelled back at the bartender, I looked around. There were a few people at the bar, a majority of them just being there to get their drinks and head out to the dancefloor. And there was only me and two other people sitting on the barstools, which this barstool is where I intended on being all night.

To my right, at the end of the bar there was a man, most likely around the same age as me, taking a sip out of his drink. There was something about him that completely caught my attention. His hair was blonde, but it couldn’t be a natural blonde since his eyebrows were a dark black. In the dark, it was hard to see what color his eyes were, but they had to be a dark shade considering in the darkness of the club, his eyes looked black. He laughed at something the bartender said to him, and his smile lit up the whole space around him. My eyes diverted when he looked towards me, obviously knowing that I was staring at him. When he looked away from me, I looked at him again. He was wearing a black button up shirt that was unbuttoned and a black tank top underneath. He pants were the same color as blue jeans, but they did not appear to be the same material. He has tattoos on his hands, but from my spot, it’s hard to make out what they are. My eyes travel up his left arm and note the multiple tattoos on his arm. He looks at me again, and I dart my eyes in a different direction, grabbing my phone, hoping that I don’t look like a creep.

My finger flicks across the screen with a rhythm as I scroll through my phone. Suddenly, the bartender places a drink in front of me, causing me to look up from my phone. I look at the bartender, confused, since I hadn’t asked for another drink yet. “It’s compliments of the gentleman at the end of the bar, he said he likes your leather jacket.” The bartender shrugged and pushed the drink towards me. Reluctantly, I grabbed the drink and looked towards the guy who had caught me staring at him twice. I held the drink up and nodded my head towards him in a silent ‘thank you.’ After I took a few sips of my drink, I set the glass down and continued to scroll through my phone.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the man starting to move. Even though I continued to look at my phone, I concentrated on him. He stood from his seat and placed his hands in his pockets. He walked closer to me, and surprised me when he leaned towards my ear, “I’m going to step outside, would you like to join me?” As I looked towards him, he was walking out of the bar area and into the crowd. I thought about if I wanted to go with him or not. If I went with him, there was a small chance I could get murdered, but I mean I could get murdered in here too. In all reality, I could get murdered anywhere. Fuck it, I thought to myself.

I grabbed my jacket and my phone and squeezed my way through the crowd, and out the front door of the club. It was nice to feel the fresh air, and it was nice to be able to hear my thoughts again. He was standing off to the side, lighting a cigarette. My hands dug deeper into my pockets as I stepped down the stairs and the few feet down the sidewalk towards him. He looked at me through a partially opened eye and smiled, “Look, if you’re going to murder me, just get it over with.” My heels were already making my feet hurt, causing me to shift my weight a few times to find a comfortable standing position.

He laughed at my comment, and his laugh sent a shiver down my spine. “Definitely not going to murder you. You just look really miserable in there.” He offered me his cigarette and as much as I wanted to, I waved my hand declining his offer. “Why’d you come to a club if you were just going to sit at the bar on your phone?” He asked before taking another drag.

I laughed and looked out into the street as a car drove by, “Don’t want to give anyone the impression that I chose to come here.” I shrugged my shoulders until my shoulders were touching my ears and then dropped them heavily. “My friend and her boyfriend dragged me here when I was more than happy getting drunk on my couch by myself.”

He nodded taking the last drag of his cigarette. He flicked the butt of the cigarette on the bottom of his shoe a few times to make sure it was out. Once he was sure it was out, he flicked the butt into the street. “Then why don’t we get out of here then?”

I took a step back, slightly offended, “Listen, I’m definitely not out here to try to get laid or anything. Don’t start thinking that I came out here because I want to suck your dick or something.” Not that I didn’t think he was one of the most attractive people I’ve ever laid my eyes on, I’m just not that kind of person.

He raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes while laughing. I could finally tell that he had chocolate brown eyes, and there was something in his eyes that made me just want to get lost in them. “Woah, okay.” He laughed again, “I wasn’t asking you to suck my dick, I was just asking if you wanted to leave. No sexual favors involved.” His laugh resonated in my ears, like I was listening to angels sing. There was something in my gut telling me to go with him, even though it could literally lead to a one hour special on Investigation Discovery.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and texted Mikayla, “Hey, I am going to catch a ride home, I guess this isn’t going to be my cure after all. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” My phone made a wooshing sound as the message sent and I looked at the brown eyed man standing in front of me. “Sure, but I need to go pay for my drinks.”

He pulled his keys out of his pocket, causing them to jingle, as I turned to walk back into the club. “Don’t worry about that, I already paid for them.”

I stopped dead in my tracks and tilted my head a bit confused, and now slightly angry. Not even entirely sure why I was angry, the feeling just suddenly took over my whole body. I spun on my heels and took a few steps closer to him. “Why did you pay for my drinks? Did you know you were going to get me to go home with you, or what the fuck where you planning?”

His eyes grew big as my sudden outburst of anger shocks him. “Uh, nope, not trying to do anything. I paid for your drinks because I was being nice to the attractive woman a few seats down from me at the bar. I wasn’t planning on taking anyone home with me, if that means anything to you. I was on the edge of trying to go home myself, just thought I’d like to talk to you in a more quiet setting. I’m sorry if that looks bad, I meant nothing bad of it.”

My heart beat slowed as I realized I was literally acting crazy. Never in my life have I had a random guy pay for my drinks to be nice. As I took a deep breath I ran my finger and my thumb across my forehead, trying to send a silent message that I’m not always this insane. “I’m sorry, I just- never mind. I’ll follow you to your car and you can take me wherever you want to go, just get me away from this place, and please don’t murder me.”

A smirk formed on his lips as he nodded and turned to walk away from the club. Even though I agreed to go with him, I still was reluctant to follow him. We were silent, the only sound between us being my heels clicking every time they made contact with the cement. I watched my feet so I wouldn’t fall, but looked up at him every so often. My mom would be losing her mind right now if she knew I was leaving a club with someone I’d literally never met. My phone vibrating consistently told me Mikayla was having an absolute panic attack. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and shut it off. “My name’s Calum, by the way.”

My head flicked up to look at him, he was holding out his hand as if for a handshake. I placed my phone back in my pocket and looked into his deep brown eyes. “I’m Emily.” Our hands clasped together and I couldn’t help but notice how well they fit together. He smiled a wide smile and shook my hand once.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Emily.”

Part II

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onceuponastory · 4 years

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Coming Back Home Chapter Two: I Am A Heart

“I am a heart that’s hard to pin, You are an arrow sticking in” - hey ocean!: i am a heart

Read Chapter One: Hometown here!

Plot: Six years ago, Y/N left her hometown and all its bad memories behind, and never looked back. But now, she’s come back to be the maid of honour in her sister’s wedding. Returning ‘home’ means she has to confront her past, the last thing she wants to do. When she meets the handsome best man Nick, she feels more comfortable…until her sister asks her to show Nick around town…a town that Y/N fell out of love with a long time ago.

Can Y/N fall back in love with the town she left behind, and maybe find love of her own along the way? Important: This story is based on a prompt by @orphicodysseywrites. It’s a mix of prompts one and two from this post, so full credit for this idea goes to them! Warnings: There’s a few mentions of death in this chapter. If you’re sensitive to it and don’t want to read this chapter because of it, I totally understand <3 A/N: This is a very long chapter, almost 2,500 words long, so I hope you all enjoy it, lmao. As always, this chapter has been checked for errors, but if you see any pls do let me know. I’m going to be inactive this coming week, because I’m taking a little staycation to a place with very limited wifi, so if you send me a message/request, it might take me a while to respond. But I will respond ASAP! I will also be trying to work on chapter three/other stuff whilst I’m away, but I REALLY need this break, so pls don’t get mad if I don’t write anything.

Again, special thanks goes to my best friend Jo, aka @thesundrop, who made this banner, and helped so much with planning this fic. Some of you may know her as @staticscreenwriting, where she writes Billy fics. Check them out, they’re amazing!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Nick or his character! I just used Nick bc he’s the only character of Dacre’s that fits this prompt. Again, aside from Nick being in this, this fic has NOTHING to do with The Broken Hearts Gallery. But you should all go see the movie if you can, because it’s adorable!

Adjusting my hair and outfit in the mirror for what felt like the hundredth time, I sigh. “You look fine, stop adjusting your outfit...” I tell myself. “Nick’s not going to care how you look....right?” God, I’m a mess. Putting on yet more lipgloss, Jane’s voice echoes in my mind.

“Both of you look so much like your mother. Especially you Y/N.” She was right, I did. Not that I had many memories of how my mother looked when she was still alive, but hours spent leafing through stacks of photo albums with my Nana and Katie when we were younger had made me more familiar with her and how she looked. She was gorgeous. I wish we had more time with her. If we had, our lives would be very different...and I would never have come to this town in the first place. Suddenly, I feel stinging sensation at my eyes. Aaaaand I’m crying. Great. Just what I fucking needed. A knock sounds at my door.

“Y/N? Are you alright? You’ve been up here a while.” Nick’s voice sounds through the door. No, THIS is just what I fucking needed. Shit. Now he’s going to think I’m a total emotional weirdo who doesn’t want to spend time with him. Not that that was a TOTAL lie, I did want to spend time with him....just anywhere but here. Oh, he’s going to hate me. “If you’re not feeling well or something’s come up, we could do this another time?” Nick continues, and I sigh again. He’s so sweet. I can’t let him down. Quickly trying to stop the tears from falling, I open the door, and Nick smiles. “Hi. You look great.” I immediately blush.

“Thanks...Oh! So do you!” I gasp, trying not to seem awkward.

“Thank you.” Nick chuckles. He looks at me closer, and his eyebrows furrow together. “Are you okay? Have you been crying?” He asks.

“Uh, no! It’s just...allergies.” I lie. “The dust in this house is terrible. So...shall we head out?” I ask, and Nick nods. The two of us walk downstairs.

“Byeeee you two! Have fun!” Katie’s voice calls from the living room. Oh, I’m sure I will.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Nick asks as the two of us leave the house.

“I don’t mind. I mean, we could go to the park, or for a coffee....or just, a walk in the woods?” I suggest. ��Actually, maybe not the woods. There may be an axe murderer, or the big bad wolf or something.” I immediately cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth, and Nick laughs. Oh god, he’s laughing at me and how cringy I am.

“I mean, I didn’t personally think of that, but that’s a valid concern. I think we should take the park then.” He says, and I nod. “This way?” He points towards the town, and I nod. He sets off, leaving me standing there.

Well, that went better than expected. Oh right, I better go catch up with him.

“So, how long did you two live here?” Nick asks as we both walk closer into town.

“Um, about...sixteen years.” I work out the maths in my head. “We moved here when I was four, and Katie was two. We both left to go to college.”

“Oh! I thought this was where you guys were born.”

“Nooo, we just call it our hometown cause we’ve lived here from such a young age. At this point, it feels like our hometown. We’re actually from New York City, and we both moved back there for college. I live there full time now. Katie’s in New Jersey.” I explain.

“Oh, what a coincidence! I live in New York too.” Nick smiles. “Small world, right?” I nod. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, why did your parents pick here to move? This place is nice and all, but it’s a lot different than New York.” He asks. A memory flashes through my mind.

“What the hell do you expect me to do? I can’t look after them! This shithole is the best option, and you know it.” I shudder, hoping Nick doesn’t notice.

“Um....just personal circumstances really. Our Dad wanted a change of pace and scenery for us. He thought the city was too busy for us to grow up in.” Nick nods, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Another crisis averted. I look up at the sky and see the leaves on the trees. Some were bright orange, whilst others were red. I sigh happily. “You gotta hand it to my sister, she picked one of the most beautiful times of year to get married.”

“Yeah, beautiful.” Nick mumbles, and I look back over at him to see him looking at me.

“What?” His eyes go wide.

“Nothing! Just agreeing with you!” He gasps, before continuing to walk. Okay, that was weird. I shrug it off and follow him down the street. After a while, we reach the park and begin to walk around together. The two of us are silent as we take in the scenery around us. The leaves crunch under our feet. I was right, this time of year really was beautiful. The cold wind blows, and I shiver. “Want my jacket?” Nick asks.

“No thanks, I’m okay.” I smile. But come on, giving a girl his jacket? That’s so cliché...and so damn cute.

“Want to go on the swings? That might warm you up a bit.” He suggests. Another memory enters my mind.

“When’s he coming back?” I ask, tugging on her skirt. “I miss him.

“...Soon, sweetheart. He’ll be back soon. Why don’t you go and play on the swings and I’ll come over and give you a push in a minute?” She suggests, and I nod vigorously.

“Okay! See you in a minute!” I call, running towards the swings.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go on the swings.”

~~~

A few hours later, Nick and I were in the local coffee shop, chatting about everything from our interests to our time at college. “So when do you want to practise our big dance number?” Nick asks, taking a sip of his coffee. I sigh.

“Oh right, I forgot we’re meant to plan that at some point.” Nick chuckles. “So, what song do you want to pick?” Nick shrugs.

“It’s up to you, I’m okay with whatever.” I raise an eyebrow.

“Really? I don’t think Katie would be happy if we picked something like Baby Got Back to dance to.” Nick bursts out laughing.

“You’re right. But it would be funny. Any suggestions?” I shake my head.

“I mean there’s so many...maybe something slow? Or something more upbeat?”

“Well we have some time, so why don’t we each make a list and pick one?” He offers. I nod. “You know, I had a really nice time today...” Nick begins. I smile.

“Me too.” And I actually meant it. Despite how much I was dreading this, it went better than I expected. My phone rings, and I take it out of my bag. “Hey, Katie...Yes, I know...Okay, I’ll be back soon. Bye.” I hang up.

“Everything alright?” Nick asks.

“Sorry, turns out I’m urgently needed for some maid of honour duties, so I gotta go. Are you okay here, or do you wanna walk back to the house with me?” Nick waves me off.

“No, don’t worry, you go on. I need to take care of something in town anyways. See you later.”

“Bye, Nick.” I leave the coffee shop, and start the walk back to the house, almost feeling a spring was in my step. For the first time since being back here, I was happy. I was comfortable. And it was all thanks to Nick. I soon reach Nana’s house and walk inside. “Helloooo!” I call.

“Well, someone sounds happy.” Katie’s voice sounds from the living room. She comes out to greet me. “Oh. My. God. Look at the smile on your face!” She gasps.

“I had a great time with Nick today.” I explain.

“I can see that. Guess my big sister has the hots for the best man, huh?” She teases. My eyes widen.

“No, I don’t!” My cheeks flush.

“Mhm sure. Deny it all you want, I can tell. Anyway, come on you, we need to make the centrepieces.” I wasn’t in love with Nick. I may love spending time with him, but I absolutely was NOT in love with him.

~~~

That Night

"We are here today to honour the life of Rose L/N.” The priest begins. “She was a light in the lives of many, especially her two granddaughters, Y/N and Katie, who she is survived by. For most of their lives, she was also their guardian.”

“He’s not here.” Katie whispers in my ear. I discretely roll my eyes.

“Of course he isn’t. He stopped caring a long time ago.” I reply. I find her hand beside mine and give it a squeeze. “We have to be strong together now, like she said. It’s just us now.”

My eyes open, and I look around the room for a moment to get my bearings. I’m still in my childhood bedroom. It was just a dream. A dream featuring our past. A past I had tried to run from. Of course, it found a way to find me again. It has a funny way of doing that. My eyes drift over to the bedside table, displaying a picture of Katie and I with our Nana from many years ago. I smile softly and run my fingers over the image. “I miss you, Nana. I wish you were still here. To guide me...to guide us.” Laying back on my pillows, I sigh and hold the picture close. “Maybe if you were still here, I wouldn’t be such a mess.”

~~~

One Week Later - Fifteen Days Until the Wedding

“I’m just saying, Cinderella continues to be the best live-action Disney adaptation. It’s faithful to the story, the costumes are great, and it’s just so cute!” I exclaim, trying to stifle a yawn in the process. I was still having nightmares and barely sleeping. Thankfully, I was managing to hide it well, and nobody suspected anything. If they did, I could just lie and say I was up late working on bachelorette party plans and lost track of time. Nick laughs. “What?”

“I love that this is what you’re passionate about.” He grins.

“Well, I’m absolutely right.” I tell him, and he nods.

“Oh, absolutely.” I had a feeling that he had no idea what I was talking about, which was usually the case. But he agreed with me anyway, which I appreciated. Despite all my nightmares and bad memories, spending almost every day with Nick was helping me feel happier, and far more comfortable. It also took my mind off of my nightmares from the previous night. Nick was lovely, and I actually felt upset whenever we had to go back to the house. The fact he was gorgeous helped too, of course. Before I can say anything else, I suddenly spot the town’s bakery and walk over to the window.

“Look at all these cakes.” I smile. “Oh my god, those cupcakes still look delicious.” I state, staring through the window at them. “My Nana used to bring Katie and me here every Friday after school, and we’d each get a cupcake. I always chose the birthday cake ones, cause it felt like we had a birthday celebration every week.” I smile fondly. “It’s one of my favourite memories of her.”

“Do you want one?” Nick asks, causing me to look over at him. “Seriously, do you want one?” He repeats, taking out his wallet. “They do look amazing. And after all, today is Friday. Can’t waste traditions.” He smiles, and his smile almost makes my heart do backflips.

“Seriously?” I ask.

“Seriously.” Nick opens the door of the bakery. I hear the wind-chimes over the door sound as we both walk in, just like they did all those years ago. The smell of baking is everywhere, filling me with a sense of comfort.

“Oh god, I remember this smell. It’s so...familiar.” I whisper to myself, closing my eyes. In that moment, I feel like I’m a little kid spending time with my Nana again. But when I open my eyes, I’m back to my real life, and the nostalgia is gone.

“I’m coming, just give me a few minutes!” Someone calls from through the back of the bakery.

“Opal?” I ask. Opal was the owner of the bakery...at least when I still lived in Saint Chase. Like Jane, she was friendly and welcoming, and every customer was her friend. She always used to sneak Katie and I samples of her new loaves of bread and cakes before we went to school in the mornings. If we liked them, they stayed. She always called us her honorary business partners. Of course, now I know she probably said that to every kid who wandered in, but it made kid me feel great.

“That’s my name, don’t wear- oh!” She gasps, immediately retreating back through the door she came from. Nick and I give each other a confused look. Rose returns a few moments later, carrying a small cake.“Katie! You look so different from the last time I saw you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!” She grasps my hand and shakes it vigorously, then does the same to Nick’s hand. “Want to see a preview of the cake? This is in no way finished, but it’s just a small sample of the real thing.”

“Oh no, I-”

“We’re not-” Nick and I begin, but Opal ignores us.

"You two are going to just love it.”

“Opal! I’m not Katie!” I insist. She gasps, and her eyes go wide. “Katie is my sister. This is Nick. He’s the best man.”

“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.” Her face goes red. Nick and I reassure her that it’s okay. “Anyway, what can I get you?” Nick and I order our cupcakes, and she rings them up for us. Nick opens his wallet to pay for them, but Opal shakes her head. “No, please, these are on me. Count it as an apology...Seriously. I’m so sorry about the mixup.”

“Well, thank you!″ Nick smiles, taking the cakes and walking towards the door.

“Y/N...” Opal beckons me in closer, and I lean in. “I just have to say, you two are adorable together. I’m still sorry for my mistake, but honestly, you two look like a great couple.”

“We’re not-”

“Everything okay?” Nick asks.

“Oh! Yeah. Opal just wanted to ask me when we’re picking up the wedding cake.” I lie, giving Opal a pointed look. She nods vigorously. “Come on, let’s go. Bye Opal.” I say quickly, walking towards the door. She waves goodbye to us as we leave the store. Once we’re outside, Nick passes over my cake, taking a bite of his.

“Oh. My. God.” He moans happily. “That’s incredible.”

“Right?” I agree, taking a bite of mine. “It’s just as good as I remember.” Nick starts laughing at me again, and my eyes widen. “What? Did I say something weird?”

“You have icing on your face.” He responds. Of course I do. I’m a walking cliché, honestly. “Actually, you know what? I don’t care. This cake is that good.” I take another bite. “And besides, so do you.”

~~~

Later That Day

“That one looks like a dog.”

“A dog? No way. It looks like a hamster.”

“How the fuck does it look like a hamster?” Nick frowns.

“How the fuck does it look like a dog?” I respond, raising my eyebrow. Nick laughs. The two of us had finished eating our cupcakes (and wiped our faces), and were back in the park, drinking coffee and trying to see if we could tell what shape the clouds were.

“Guess we gotta agree to disagree.” I smile. “Even though I’m totally right.”

“Of course you are.” He says sarcastically, and I gasp in mock annoyance. But I don’t detect any malice from his comment...well, I hoped he wasn’t actually annoyed with me or anything, but he didn’t seem to be. Like I said before, I felt comfortable with Nick. Even though we had met a week ago, it felt like the two of us could joke with each other to our hearts content, neither meaning anything bad by it. It was weird how close we were, despite not knowing each other for that long. “Uh, Nick?” I ask, looking up again.

“Mhm?”

“Do those ones look like rain clouds, or is that just me?”

“I think you’re right, it’s-” The heavens open before he can even finish his sentence. “Oh god, okay, come on, I saw a bike shed or something over there, we can hide out there until it stops.” Nick tells me, quickly taking his jacket off and throwing it at me.

“What’s this for?!” I ask.

“What do you think it’s for?! It’s to hold over our heads!” Nick shouts. “Now come on, let’s go.” He holds out his hand, and I take it. He pulls me up. “Ready to run?” He asks. I nod. The two of us begin running through the park, holding Nick’s jacket over our heads with one hand each. We laugh as we run, trying to avoid slipping on the damp leaves or falling over. We soon reach the shelter, and Nick and I jump under it. The shelter is small, so our bodies are pressed up close against each other. I’m aware of the scent of his cologne again. Nick’s body is warm against mine as he wraps the jacket around my shoulders.

“You don’t have to give me your jacket.” I protest, but he insists.

“Don’t be silly. What would your sister say if I made her maid of honour catch a cold?” He asks.

“The same thing she’d say if the best man caught a cold.” I reply, trying to take the jacket off. Nick reaches out, gently placing his hands on my arms, stopping me. It feels like electricity runs up my arms as he touches them.

“Y/N, don’t worry about it. Honestly.” The two of us stand there, Nick still holding onto my arms. But it feels good. It feels...right. Nick keeps looking at me.

“Do I still have some icing on my lips?” I ask. Nick shakes his head.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” He mumbles loud enough for me to hear. Whether I was supposed to hear it or not, I wasn’t sure. Nick leans closer to me, and my brain immediately goes:

“He’s going to kiss me. Oh my god, he’s going to kiss me. Do I even want him to kiss me?” And I realise that...I think I do want him to kiss me. Nick’s head moves closer to mine, and my head rises up to meet his. But just as our lips are about to touch, my phone rings, causing us to break apart. Dammit. I take my phone out, seeing Katie’s name flash on the screen. She always has the best timing. “Hey Katie. What’s up? ...Yeah it’s raining really badly. Yeah, a lift back would be great. We’re at the park. Okay, see you soon. Love you too. Bye.” Hanging up, I sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Nick responds. However, despite him saying that, it still felt like the air around us had changed. It wasn’t like we could go back to where we left off either, because everything felt awkward now.

Shit.

~~~

That Night

“Be good for your Daddy, okay Y/N?” She bends down and presses a kiss to my forehead. I nod. “I know I can trust you to help him look after your sister, right?”

“Of course, Mommy!” She grins, and pulls me in for a tight squeeze.

“There’s my smart girl. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I nod again.

“Have fun, Mommy!” I call, as she walks out of the door. And then, she was gone. The image changes into something else. “Daddy? Where’s Mommy? Why are you crying?” He blinks rapidly and bends down to my eye level.

“Mommy’s had to go, sweetie.” He explains.

“But...but where? She was meant to take me to kindergarten!” He looks away from me.

“I’m sorry. Your mommy’s an angel...she’s not coming back.”

Gasping, I sit up in bed again, looking around the room. My heart is racing. “It’s just a bad dream...Just a bad dream...” I tell myself, trying desperately to calm myself down. Getting out of bed, I cross over to the window, trying to ignore my shaking hands, and peek out at the night sky. Rows and rows of trees disappear into the darkness. “It’s not real. She died almost twenty years ago. It’s just a bad dream.” Clenching my fists, I furiously wipe at my eyes. "Dammit!” I curse.

I hadn’t had nightmares about the death of our mother in at least fifteen years. I thought I was finally getting better. Of course, life had other ideas. “I knew I should never have fucking come back here.” I hiss. That’s why still had bad dreams, because I was back here. I should’ve said no and ran when I had the choice. No, no, that’s stupid. Of course I couldn’t have said no. I could never let Katie down. God knows life let us down enough times already. No, I need to stop blaming the town for my problems. It’s my fault. I thought I was ready and healed, but obviously, I’m not. God, I need a drink.

Trying to be as quiet as possible, I leave my room and tiptoe downstairs to the kitchen, using my phone torch as a light source. Once I reach the kitchen and flash my light into the room, I almost jump out of my skin when I see a figure sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hey, I- Y/N?” Nick blinks his eyes, clearly startled by the bright light of my phone.

“Jesus Christ Nick! I thought you were a fucking murderer!” I gasp. He frowns.

“A murderer...who sits at the kitchen table? Anyway, why are you up so late? It’s like 2am!” I switch the light on.

“I could ask you the same thing. Why are you here scaring the life out of me at 2am?” He holds up some paper.

“Best man’s speech. I had a stroke of genius and decided to write some of it.”

“In the middle of the night? In the darkness? And people say I’m weird.” Nick chuckles. I cross over to the cupboards and get out some mugs to make tea. “Want some tea?” I ask, and he nods.

“Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. What brings you here at this hour?”

“Oh I just love hanging out with men in kitchens at 2am, didn’t Katie tell you?” I tease, filling the kettle and putting it on to boil. Nick laughs. I can’t tell him the truth. Then he would think I was weird. “But seriously. Couldn’t sleep.” I mean, that wasn’t a total lie. Nick didn’t have to know the truth. “How’s the speech going?”

“Ehhh?” Nick responds. I turn back to him and raise an eyebrow. “Not well.”

“I can tell.” The kettle finishes boiling, and I pour the water into the mugs. “But I’m here now, so you have an extra person to help you.”

~~~

One Hour Later

“Y/N...Y/N?” I hear someone whispering. Is someone....nudging me? I look up. Why was my head on the table? I notice that Nick has scooted closer to me. Is he the one nudging me?

“Mmm, Nick...whashappenin?” I mumble.

“You fell asleep.” He explains. I shoot up in my seat and rub my eyes.

“What?!” I gasp. “Why didn’t you wake me up?! I was meant to be helping you with your speech!”

“It’s alright, don’t worry.” Nick reassures me. “You looked really tired, so I thought I’d let you sleep. You sure you’re okay?” He asks. Before I can say anything in response, I yawn. “Guess that answers my question. I think you should go to bed.” I shake my head.

“Nope. I’m not....” I cut myself off with another yawn. Nick gives me a look. “...Okay, maybe I’m a little bit tired.” I admit.

“Mhm. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He helps me up. I protest, but he continues to do so. “Y/N, trust me. You need some sleep. You’ll thank me later.” I realise he’s probably right. So, I let him lead me upstairs and into my bedroom, his hand resting on the small of my back. “So uh....can you take care of yourself from here?” He asks. I chuckle softly and nod.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks Nick.” I smile. “Goodnight.”

“Night Y/N.”

~~~

The Next Morning - Thirteen Days Until the Wedding

“You invited Great Aunt Hilda? Seriously? All she’s going to do is talk about her cats.”

“That’s why she’s sitting with you. At least you’ll have something in common.” Katie jokes. I jokingly punch her in the arm. “Hey!” She laughs. The two of us were spending the day arranging seating charts and finalising the seating plan. So far, it was all going well, and we managed to make it fun. “Oh, god.” Katie wrinkles her nose. “I forgot both Uncle Chris and Aunt Pamela said yes, AND they’re bringing plus ones. That’s gonna be rough.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay. Didn’t they get divorced like three years ago?” I ask.

“Yeah, but I don’t think Aunt Pam’s gonna be a fan of his plus one....” She raises her eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh right, he dumped her for his secretary, the one with the big boobs, didn’t he? Are they still together?”

“Yuuuup. She’s the plus one.”

“Better sit those two as far away from each other as possible then...” I mumble, trying to arrange the tables on my side of the chart as best as I can. Studying the rest of the little figures representing people, I frown, seeing one I haven’t seen before. One I definitely did not expect to see. I pick it up, and my eyes go wide. “Uh, Katie?”

“Mhm?”

“...Why does our Dad have a seating place?”

#dacre montgomery #dacre x reader #dacre montgomery fanfic #dacre montgomery fic #nick x reader #coming back home fic

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patchwork-panda · 4 years

Text

If A Moment Is All We Are (Ch.1)

This is the Dazai x OC/”reader” with bits of Kunikida x OC/”reader” fic I created.

I’m just gonna post the entire text of first chapter below the cut bc even tho it’s at zero hits, I still feel there’s people out there who might want to read it...

OC is based off “The Story of Your Life” by Ted Chiang, the basis for the movie “Arrival” w Amy Adams.

Shout-out to @discoten for Beta-ing this first part :)

*************************************************************************

Pale gold. Rose red. Dusky purple.

My eyes traveled from one brightly colored glass panel to the next, finally landing upon the deep azure blue of the Virgin Mary’s veil. I kept my eyes trained on her face, trying to stay focused on the massive stained-glass windows, the beautiful art shining all around me, anything to pretend I was at this gallery under different circumstances. Shafts of colored light as bright as shattered gemstones danced across the floor in the late afternoon sun, flitting over the black-clad bodies of the two men who lay prone nearby, their silent forms looking unnaturally still against the vibrant carpet.

I swallowed uneasily, a familiar sort of nausea creeping up from the pit of my stomach as I watched the dark pool of liquid around them grow wider and wider, the smell of iron heavy in the air...

Squeezing my eyes shut momentarily, I wrenched my attention away from them, trying to go back to staring at the windows but found myself looking once again into a pair of steel-gray eyes. There, at the entrance of the gallery, standing so still he may was well be a statue himself, was the young man who’d slain the two security guards lying on the floor nearby. With his pale face, stark-white cravat, and torn black overcoat, he reminded me of a vampire, or maybe even a god of death—his very image called to mind a painting of the Grim Reaper I’d passed on my way into this room. If only I had heeded the warning...

If I had, then maybe I wouldn’t be staring into a pair of piercing red eyes right now—the eyes of a shadowy monster attached to the back of this man’s cloak. As if sensing my thoughts, the demonic creature bared its dagger-like fangs and growled, its bloody, gaping maw stretching wide.

I kept my hands in the air. My cold, sweaty palms trembled on either side of my face as I returned my attention to the stained-glass windows around me. I’d had my hands in the air for so long that my arms were getting tired but I couldn’t drop them—I didn’t want to think about what would happen next if I did. Then the headlines tomorrow would read: “Attack at the South Pier Art Gallery. Three dead: two curators and one visitor.” In perhaps a day or two, they’d identify my corpse as “Kusunoki Kyou, aged twenty, a college drop-out and local shut-in.” They wouldn’t be able to get a hold of my parents; they were overseas and I hadn’t seen the rest of my family in so long, I wasn’t even sure if they were still in Chiba any more. Maybe the reporters would interview one or two of my former classmates... But would they even be able to find anybody who still wanted to talk about me after I shut myself away so abruptly?

“Hey, how have you been? Akutagawa-kun?” the man behind me called out brightly, the lilting tenor of his voice jarring, given our current situation.

I kind of figured he was crazy from the moment we met, but not this crazy.

What kind of man tries to play catch up with a friend (acquaintance? I honestly had no idea how they knew each other) while holding a gun to somebody’s head—my head? Even though I couldn’t turn around to see his face, I could picture his cheerful smile, the twinkle in his intelligent brown eyes, the layers of bandages wrapped around his neck. I could practically hear the gears in his head turning behind me as he watched Akutagawa and calculated his next move, the tone of his voice giving absolutely nothing away.

There was a tiny click—the sound of the safety being shut off—and I grimaced as I felt the metallic chill of the handgun’s muzzle pressing more firmly against the back of my head. Akutagawa immediately shot a dirty glance over my head at the person holding me hostage. He spat out a single name:

“Dazai-san.”

I went back to staring at the windows.

I really shouldn’t have left my apartment this morning.

***

Ramen.

Instant ramen was the reason I decided to venture out of my glorified broom closet for the first time in probably weeks. Had I known that the craving for convenience store food would lead to my being shot to death in six hours’ time, I would’ve ignored the growling of my stomach and taken my chances with starving at home instead.

Maybe.

I’d stayed up far too late the night before binge-watching the latest season of a new anime I’d picked up and my best guess for when I’d finally fallen asleep at my computer was probably around three in the morning. When I finally woke up (sometime around noon), I had Pocky crumbs in my hair, my pajamas were sticking unpleasantly to my skin and my stomach was grumbling from the lack of real food in who knows how long. Unfortunately, my pantry was empty, so I did what any normal person in my situation would do: put off going outside for another couple hours by picking another anime to watch. I only realized I really needed to get going when I finally reached into my giant bag of snacks and found it empty.

Dread building in the pit of my stomach at the mere thought of going outside, I threw off the pink bunny pajamas that I hadn’t changed out of in a while and tossed them on the growing pile of clothes on the floor. I hadn’t done the laundry in weeks and it was anyone’s guess which pile was “clean” and which was “dirty” (I’d lost track of which was which days ago). However, I didn’t have a real need to distinguish between the two until today... I stepped into the bathroom, walking right past the tiny cracked mirror above the sink without really looking into it and pulled the shower curtain closed. I knew what I would see: a greasy, dead-eyed otaku version of the creepy girl from The Ring, with long black hair and reddish-brown eyes, only instead of a haunted child, I’d see an adult who failed to get her life together after just two years of moving out of her relatives’ house.

Half an hour later, I’d dressed myself in an old pair of jeans and a large sweatshirt emblazoned with the logo of a magical girl anime and was desperately fishing around in my kitchen drawer for the thing I needed most: a pair of gloves. I hadn’t needed to go outside in so long that I’d forgotten to stock up on nitrile gloves and it was with an enormous amount of relief that I finally retrieved an old pair at the bottom of the drawer.

I was too tired and hungry to notice the small hole in one of the gloves when I pulled them on, nor did I notice when I put on my face mask and tied up my hair. Honestly, I was just lucky the torn one didn’t rip completely away from my hand when I was putting on my shoes but maybe it would’ve been better if it did. Maybe then I wouldn’t have ended up at the art gallery...

But I wasn’t thinking about my gloves when I prepared for my short trip; I was thinking about food. After all, it was supposed to be a quick trip, just a short walk through the hallway and down the street to the nearest convenience store, then back. It honestly might not have been so bad if everything that happened after hadn’t gone so horribly wrong.

The first thing that went wrong happened the moment I stepped out of the building. Blinded by the sudden appearance of sunlight, I smacked right into an old lady walking in front of my building and immediately fell on my butt.

“Oh my, Kyou-chan!”

I groaned as I slowly got back to my feet.

“Is that you, Kyou-chan? Nobody’s seen you in weeks; it’s been so quiet on your end of the floor that we thought maybe you moved out!”

“No, I’m still here, Yamazaki-san,” I replied, recognizing the woman’s face before her voice.

Mrs. Yamazaki lived on the same floor as me and was kind of a busybody, but a caring one. The evening I’d first moved into the building, she’d knocked on my door around dinner time and asked if I knew how to play Mah-Jong. One of her friends had canceled on their group last minute and they’d needed a fourth. I’d declined as politely as I could but was still somehow dragged out of my room by the boisterous old woman and forcibly socialized over a cup of hot genmai-cha. I’d meant to return the favor by dropping by with some kind of snack in hand but never got around to it.

I could feel the guilt curling in the pit of my stomach as I took in her tiny form, her smiling face but all I could do was smile weakly as she remarked on how malnourished I looked and how long my hair had grown since she’d last seen me. Then she spotted the tote bag in my hand.

“Kyou-chan! Are you going shopping?”

“Not really, just getting some ramen at the convenience store.”

Mrs. Yamazaki’s eyes widened.

“Is that all you’ve been eating these days?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“N-no. I’ve had...”

I thought back to my box of strawberry Pocky.

“...Other things.”

She frowned.

“That won’t do,” she declared.

Without waiting for me to respond, she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the nearest crosswalk.

“Yamazaki-san!” I tried to wrench my arm out of her grip but she was surprisingly strong for her age. Or maybe—I cringed—maybe I’d just become extremely weak after months of being a shut-in and not getting any proper exercise. Drawing commissions hardly worked the arms.

“This isn’t the way to the convenience store! Yamazaki-san!!”

Before long, we were inside an actual grocery, Mrs. Yamazaki chatting away merrily as she pulled vegetables off the shelves and tucked them away into her own basket (I’d run into her just as she was about to go anyway). Occasionally, she’d grab something green and leafy and stick it into the basket she’d forced into my hands, and she kept doing it until she’d buried the thick layer of ramen and junk food that lay at the bottom of the bag. When she was satisfied with the composition of my groceries, she nodded approvingly and hurried me towards the cash registers.

“There now,” she laughed once we were outside and I was carrying a very heavy bag of things I hadn’t actually intended to buy. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

She stepped off the sidewalk and two things happened very quickly: one, a truck ran a red light, barreling towards her as she attempted to cross the street, and two, as I dropped my groceries and rushed forward to save her, my right glove caught on something sticking out of my bag and finally ripped.

“Yamazaki-san!”

I reached out—my fingers stretched towards her.

“Look out!!”

Several onlookers screamed as I seized Mrs. Yamazaki by the back of her jacket and yanked her back. We fell to the ground, crashing down onto the sidewalk just as the truck sped through the intersection, honking madly as it flew by. Somebody behind us was yelling for the cops, several people had taken out their cell phones and as one of the grocery store employees rushed over to help us up, I felt an odd stinging sensation in my right hand.

I looked down and saw that my right glove had been completely shredded. Though I still had coverage on most of my fingers, much of the pale blue nitrile was hanging off my right hand in thin, ragged tatters and there were several long scratches on the palm of my hand from where I’d scraped it against the sidewalk when I fell.

The store employee, a stout, middle-aged man with bulky arms, helped a very shaken Mrs. Yamazaki to her feet, and though I could feel her trembling as she clung to me, I tried to shift my posture as she leaned on me. I couldn’t let her touch any part of my bare hand.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” the man from the store asked.

“Y-yes, I’m fine,” Mrs. Yamazaki answered, her voice quavering as she looked up at the man and then at me.

Tears sprang to her eyes and before I could stop her, she got down on her knees and bowed deeply, touching her forehead to the ground in gratitude.

“Y-Yamazaki-san?”

“Thank you!” she whispered, her voice cracking. “You saved my life, Kyou-chan!”

“Yamazaki-san, please,” I dropped to my knees as well and tried to help her up. “You don’t need to do that. Please, get up.”

As the store employee and I raised Mrs. Yamazaki to her feet, she chuckled, her eyes wide with wonder as she looked at me.

“And to think, if I hadn’t met you on your way out this morning, I might be...”

She shook her head slowly and I exchanged a worried glance with the man who’d come to help.

“I don’t know where I would be if you weren’t here, Kyou-chan,” Mrs. Yamazaki breathed. “From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

Though she seemed to be completely fine, with no broken bones or serious injuries, she continued to cling to me, and I felt her grip on my arm tighten as the employee informed her the police were on their way and we may want to stay to give a statement. Panic slowly rose in my chest as I felt my uncovered wrist coming out of my sleeve but as I carefully began to extricate myself from Mrs. Yamazaki’s grip, she suddenly turned to me and looked me up and down. She gasped.

“Oh, Kyou-chan!”

Her eyes had fallen upon my scratched palm.

“You’re bleeding!”

I yanked my hand away.

“I’m fine, ma’am.”

“Let me see it,” she demanded, grabbing my wrist. “I insist.”

As the store employee ran inside to get some band-aids, Mrs. Yamazaki gently picked up the edges of the ripped nitrile, pulling it away from my bloody, scratched-up palm, oblivious to my attempts to get away. As the glove gradually peeled away from my hand, I felt the warmth of her wrinkled skin brush against my fingers.

And then it happened.

The sound of canned laughter echoes throughout the room. Flickering green and white light casts odd shadows upon the walls. The cat-shaped clock above the television reads half past eleven in the middle of the night but there is another sound that is audible over the muffled noises from the TV. It beats in time with the clock and it sounds like something dripping, something liquid and warm.

Tick.

T i ck.

The clock cat’s eyes shine with unnatural green light— light reflected from the television screen. They are blank , open, and staring, just like the eyes of the woman draped oddly over the side of the television set, her eyes wide with fear and shock.

Mrs. Yamazaki clutches at her chest. Blood dribbles thickly from between her fingers, her breath comes in wheezes and gurgled gasps as she slumps further and further down the side of her TV set. She leaves a bloody hand print on the side panel and falls to the ground.

Someone is laughing.

I am laughing.

The sound is deep, unfamiliar. There is a large, bloody kitchen knife held fast in my fingers, which are thick and hairy. I move my arm to check the wound Mrs. Yamazaki had inflicted on me and I see the vivid tattoo of a monstrous green snake, its fangs sinking deeply into a cracked human skull.

The television returns to its regularly scheduled programming. A time stamp appears in the upper right hand corner...

I came to, to the sound of somebody calling my name and immediately let out a sharp hiss of pain. While I was out, I had dropped to my knees, scuffing my jeans, and I could feel the thin skin over my kneecaps bruising horribly against the concrete sidewalk. Thankfully, that was all but my hands were shaking and I had a massive headache. Looking alarmed, Mrs. Yamazaki, not a single knife wound visible on her body, held my hand in both of hers with a troubled expression on her face. She had been the one calling me.

“Oh my goodness! Are you alright, Kyou-chan? You’re as white as a sheet.”

I immediately ripped my hand away and stuffed it into my pocket, just as the store employee returned with bandages. As he stuck out his hand to give me the bandages, I took a step back, shrinking away from the two of them.

“I’m fine.”

I stuffed my hand deeper into my pocket, ignoring the stickiness of the drying blood.

“Are you sure?” Mrs. Yamazaki asked, worry clouding her voice.

“I SAID I’M FINE!!”

That came out way louder than I’d meant it to. The people around me looked startled. I could hear the whispers. My Ability, “The Story of Your Life,” the curse of seeing visions of the future of those I touched, had manifested at the worst possible moment. I picked my bag off the sidewalk and ran.

#bungou stray dogs #bungou sd #dazai x oc #dazai x reader #kunikida x reader #kunikida x oc

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tumbler-tidbits · 5 years

Text

Today Is the last Friday of this month so the time has come to post February’s Fic Recs! Please Keep in mind that these have been culminated over a period of a few months (since I’m so far behind) so some links may no longer work thanks to dumblrs porn bots! I have no control of that so if a fic is no longer available PLEASE don’t blame me! These are mostly smut but there is a mix of some fluff and a smidge of angst. All warnings and summaries from the writer are provided!

1)Can’t Keep My Hands to Myself by @bamby0304

Link:HERE

Summary: Misha can’t help himself. It doesn’t matter that you could get caught at any moment, he just has to have you.

Pairing: Misha x Reader

Warnings: Explicit language. Smut. Dirty talk. Public sex. Fingering. Unprotected sex. Hair pulling

My Review: JFC y’all this one is a panty ruiner! I’ve just recently started reading Misha/Cas smut and boy did this one pull me in! Dom/sub, pinned against the wall, fear of getting caught.... hbdhgshsndmnfv

2)Magical by @supernatural-teamfreewillpage-d

Link:HERE

Summary: Dean’s Pov On A/His Girl Squirting

Pairing: Dean x Female

Warnings: 18+, Squirting, Language, Sexual Thoughts.

My Review: This Awesome smut is from Deans point of view and it makes for a magical scene!

3)The Bet by @maddiepants

Link:HERE

Summary: Y/N can totally go a week without sex. Can't she?

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: little bit a plot, lotta bit a porn, little bit of Dom Dean, that’s it i think

My Review: Good God my girl can write the smut! This is so fucking hot, I felt needy!! Jesus I need me some Dean!

4)The Mirror by @wheresthekillswitch

Link:HERE

Summary: The problem isn’t your reflection, it’s the mirror you’re using

Pairing: None

Warnings: self-doubt

My Review: This sweet little drabble speaks volumes for those of us who have insecurities (read: all of us!). Short, sweet, and to the point! Hold your head high.

5)Uncharted Territory by @fatestemptress

Link:HERE

Summary: Dean thought he had done it all. He was wrong.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Smutastic. Rimming. Anal play. Oral (Male Receiving) 18 PLUS ONLY!!

My Review: HOLY FUCKING SHIT. This is not something I ever considered erotic and Jesus christ on a cracker if this didn’t change my mind. THIS WAS FUCKING HOT AS FUCK! The smart ass Dean in the beginning, then the way you described his pleasure... fuck woman you paint a gorgeous fucking picture! Now I’m trying to put out the fire you just caused! Bitches READ IT!!

6)Tell Him How You Feel by @supernatural-jackles

Link:HERE

Summary: Another season of Supernatural has wrapped. You are headed to the wrap party with your two best friends. One being your ex, and the other being yours and your ex’s best friend; the guy you have fallen for over the course of a few months.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader, past Jared x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Feels, ��Fluff, Sweet Smut, Minor Talk of Insecurities.

My Review: This friends to lovers story was incredible! The backstory and how the reader was written in to the lives of Jared and Jensen was perfect! Romantic, sensual, and just so warm and fuzzy! Give it a read, it fulfills your fantasy 😉

7)Being Kept by TheShygirl on AO3

Link:HERE

Summary: Reader is at an out-of-town hotel for a work meeting when a big storm hits. A power outage from the storm leaves her trapped in an elevator with two extremely attractive men who decide to make the most out of a bad situation. From there, her life gets turned upside down as she tries to balance her newfound relationship with work and an intense interest from another man.

Pairing: Please see link

Warnings: Please see link

My Review: This series was recommended to me by several friends! And I’ll be honest, based in the tags and warnings, I would have never read it. But I asked my friends about my concerns and they reassured me. So I trusted them and dove into the story, and HOLY FUCK am I glad that I did! Two things you should know about me, 1) I don’t typically read RPF and 2) I have never read M/M, F/F. And before you jump to conclusions NO I’m not homophobic, I’m straight and read reader insert so M/F is what I gravitate to. WELL this fic changed both of those things with multiple partners/pairings! It was sexy, erotic, romantic, angsty, and fluffy! It left me happy, ecstatic, sad, furious, upset, betrayed, sickened...literally any emotion you can have was portrayed in this fic and I felt every single one! Folks this story is so good that it felt REAL, like BTS this scenario is actually happening in real life. It’s 73 chapters, but trust me it’s worth it and in the end you will be begging for more!!

8)Thunder Rolls by @amanda-teaches

Link:HERE

Summary: When your fear of thunderstorms is triggered, Dean decides to distract you the best way he can- with some good, old-fashioned, mind-blowing sex.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: SMUT (unprotected penetrative sex), swearing; 18+ only

My Review: This was intensely passionate! The sex is hot but the love behind it really makes it great! The authors use of super descriptive descriptions of your pleasure will have you clenching your thighs!

9)Lingering Scents by @kittenofdoomage

Link:HERE

Summary: Dean’s always tried to resist the pull. How long until he can’t anymore?

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader

Warnings: jealousy, angst, scenting, A/B/O, rough sex, implied breeding, marking, mentions of sort-of cheating.

My Review: whew! If your in to A/B/O fics this one is hot! Dean learns that he can’t fight fate and your more than willing to go along!

10)Cupid Can Shove his arrow right up his... by @bamby0304

Link:HERE

Summary: Valentine’s day sucks when you’ve got no one to send you flowers or serenade you with sweet song. You’re in a mood, stomping around the overcrowded bunker, not caring if you kill the buzz of the couples around you. Luckily for them, however, Sam is quick to distract you.

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Warnings: Explicit language. Little bit of Valentine’s day hate. Smut. Dirty talk. Thigh riding. Fingering. Praise kink. Hair pulling. Panty kink. Biting. Unprotected sex.

My Review: Holy Fucking shit I LOVED THIS! The attitude, the sass, the fucking innuendos... THE FUCKING! Jesus Christ on a crumbled cracker, This one killed. Go beg Amber for MORE of this! And make sure you say PLEASE! We need to see ALL those scenarios played out... Read this one in privacy ladies and have a helper handy 😏😉

11)Only One Woman I Trust by @georgialouisea

Link:HERE

Summary: None

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sophie, Marg.

Warnings: Fluff, Swearing

My Review:This is just absolutely precious! You think you know what’s going on but there’s a surprise! This one will rot your teeth ❤️

12)Edge of Glory by @sculptorofbeginnings

Link:HERE

Summary: A supply run with Dean and Castiel takes an interesting turn.

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Castiel

Warnings: This is just Smut. Gratuitous, Endverse, smut. Implied established relationship and previously agreed upon situations.

My Review: Well damn. Shaila gets you revved up right off the bat with an amazing gif! Then sweet fucking sin it gets hotter from there! Ladies save this one for some alone time.... it’s definitely a panty ruiner.

13)Inked Up by @evansrogerskitten

Link:HERE

Summary: Dean most definitely, not at all, really doesn’t, have a crush.

Pairing: Dean x tattooed!Reader

Warnings: Fluff. Cursing a lot cuz it’s Dean. 18+ because you must be an adult to be on my blog

My Review: Ever want to know what goes on inside Dean’s head when he sees a hot girl? This fic is super hilarious and totally fluffy! I love Dean’s internal struggle to keep himself in check 😂 this one is fun!

14)Match Made on Crushbook by @carryonmywaywardwriters-deactiv

Link:HERE

Summary: The douchebags of online dating...

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Online Dating struggles (made from actual chats I’ve gotten...cringe with me). Mutual masturbation. Some dirty talk. A bit of praise!kink. I believe that is all during this part.

My Review: As a girl with a serious praise!kink this one got me all hot a bothered! And as a single female trying to find a relationship... this fic is totally relatable!

15)Good Morning Beautiful by @ladywinchester1967

Link:HERE

Summary: Good Morning Indeed.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Oral sex (female receiving), fluff, smut, Dean being a sweetheart. All porn, zero plot.

My Review: Holy fuck this is so.... yes, all the yes! I want this, I NEED this!! God it’s just so fluffy and passionate. LOVE IT

16)Reunited by @saxxxology

Link:HERE

Summary: Sam’s locked in a government prison during the birth of his first child. Reuniting him with his family is the best thing that could have ever happened to him

Pairing: Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader

Warnings: angst, mentions of killing, Alpha/Omega parenting instincts, non-graphic labor, fluff, lots of happy tears

My Review: OMG this is somewhat heart shattering, but Oh so fluffy! You start off wanting to cry but don’t worry, those will turn to happy tears :)

17)Dangerous Dance by @bamby0304

Link:HERE

Summary: When you first saw him, you knew he wasn’t like any other man that walked through the doors. There was a gleam in his eyes that screamed mischief. A gleam you would come to crave just as much as he craved you, if not more. When you first saw him, you had no idea what you were in for.

Pairing: Soulless!Sam x exotic-dancer!Reader

Warnings: Explicit language. Angst. Fluff. Pole dancing. Sexy dancing. Smut. Dom!soulless!Sam. Fingering. Masturbation. Voyeurism. Dry humping. Dirty talk. Unprotected sex. Bondage. Breath play. Squirting. Other smut related warnings that I just can’t think of right now.

My Review: Folks grab a fire extinguisher because this series is HOT! 14 chapters of deliciously smutty soulless Sam! What more could you ask for? Amber hits a lot of kinks in this series so you are likely to find something you like or discover a kink you didn’t know you had!!

18)Discipline by @squirrel-moose-winchester

Link:HERE

Summary: After flirting with a suspect to gain information against Sam’s orders, she must suffer the consequences.

Pairing: Dom!Sam x Reader

Warnings: Smut (but not really), Spanking (of a slightly different kind), Implied sex, Rough!Sam

My Review: To steal a line from one of our favorite memes “Mark me down as scared and horny!” Whew! This was unexpectedly hot and a total surprise! Note to self, do not make Sam angry.... or ya know DO!

19)Worthless by @maddiepants

Link:HERE

Summary: It's hard to fight the demons, when they're inside your head.

Characters: Reader, Dean, and Sam

Warnings: thoughts of suicide, talk of possible self harm, self hatred, Dean being a helpful, loving bean, Angst.

My Review: This one is angsty but wow it’s also very poetic! I know many of us struggle with this very scenario and Erica has written it beautifully.

20)Wrecked by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Link:HERE

Summary: After the show, alone in a dark corridor, he shows you exactly what that song means.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: Kissing, Vaginal Fingering, Clothed Sex, Wall Sex, Slight Chain Metal Kink, lip biting, Jensen Ackles in that fucking CBGB t-shirt and hat and the wallet chain WTF dude, Let’s pretend he’s single, Like a Wrecking Ball, you know why, Smut, Shameless Smut, Consent is Sexy, NSFW

My Review: JFC if this isn’t every Jensen girls fantasy! This one just ruined me! Wall sex, hand over your mouth, soft nips and kisses *shudders* give it a read!

Taglist: @idreamofplaid @dean-winchesters-bacon @maddiepants @pisces-cutie @covered-byroses @currentlyfangirling99 @spnmightkillme @spnfamily-alwayskeepfighting @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @xxhalfbloodprincessxx @supernaturalsammy01 @sammyimpala-67 @lunarboycas @ladywinchester1967 @sweetiepie-dean @fangirl-forevers-world @thoughtslikeaminefield @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @ruthiesconnells @bobasheebaby @evansrogerskitten @missjenniferb @sculptorofbeginnings @kbl1313 @spnskinnyballs @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @justcallmeasmodeus @ain-t-bovvered @purpleskiesandcherrypies @curly-haired-disaster @getnaildbyme @thoughtslikeaminefield @gripmetight-raisemefromperdition

#Fic rec Friday #Final Friday Fic Recs #supernatural #tumbler-tidbits

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avaalons · 6 years

Text

Chris Evans Fic: Hiking and Hypocrisy (Chapter 8)

You were struggling to contain everything you felt. You had imagined seeing him again a thousand times over but nothing prepared you for the reality. You felt small, vulnerable, nothing like the person you had been for the last five or six years. Your life had been separated into three distinct stages: pre-Isaac, during-Isaac and post-Isaac. Post-Isaac you were collected, calm, you didn’t allow much to phase you, you didn’t allow much to shake you in any sense. You had learned that the consequences of allowing anyone in just weren’t worth it. Until Chris, of course, who had, despite all your best efforts, wriggled his way into your consciousness with his easy humour, his charming smile and his genuine, honest love of life and people.

But now the evidence, the reminder of all the reasons why you kept yourself so closed off was in front of you for the first time in seven years and you felt yourself shrinking.

From somewhere behind you, Chris’ voice could be heard, confused and wary.

‘What’s going on here?’

You saw Isaac’s gaze flicker to him, and the minute tweak of his sneer as he found a new focus. This whole sorry situation needed shutting down and fast before Isaac could get to Chris. You needed to be gone. Like, an hour ago.

You sprung into action, focusing your attention on the two rangers and gesturing towards Chris, sat with Dodger obediently at his side.

‘This gentleman is injured. Sprained ankle and possibly broken ribs. Is either of you medically trained?’

One stepped forward and made in Chris’ direction.

‘Wait-‘ you heard Chris say, but you didn’t dare turn around and he was being assessed by the ranger before he could say anything else anyway.

‘Are you going to explain what you’re doing in my property at some point?’ Isaac spat.

You shrugged, crossing your arms over your body defensively, ‘Got caught in the storm with no chance of making it back. This was a last resort.’

‘This is trespassing, is what it is.’

‘Isaac, I let myself in with your own key. That’s hardly going to stand up in court.’

‘Does he know?’ Isaac jutted his chin towards Chris.

‘Know what?’ You croaked, panic rising in your voice.

Realisation and malicious amusement danced in his dark eyes, and when he spoke, he was purposefully loud enough for Chris’ attention to be grabbed, ‘He doesn’t, does he? He doesn’t know that he’s spent the night with you in your ex-fiancé’s place.’

You closed your eyes and breathed deeply, ‘Stop it, Isaac.’

‘Did you both eat my food? Shower in my bathroom?’ his quiet, eerie voice was getting closer to you and a shiver ran down your spine. ‘Did you fuck in my bed?’

Your eyes shot open in horror and your face flamed with awful, sickening humiliation, ‘Isaac! Please!’

But he was enjoying himself too much.

‘What was it? Been cooking up your revenge for the last seven years? And this was it? Here it is, your great triumph over me. A revenge fuck with another guy in my bed, yeah?’ The small modicum of amusement disappeared and his voice and eyes turned hard and unforgiving. ‘Like I would give a fuck. Like I have even given you a second thought. I feel sorry for the poor guy, knowing what a disappointment you will have been.’

You trained your eyes to the floor, swiftly glancing in Chris’ direction, praying he hadn’t heard any of Isaac’s words. Your breathing shallow, your body stiff and unmoving as you saw Chris way, way on the other side of the lodge, all attention completely taken up by the rangers. You just needed to let Isaac get it all out of his system while figuring out how to get out of there and fast. This was a situation you had dealt with before, after all, all you had to do was not listen. Just let it all roll off you. It was just words.

It was just. Words.

You were silent, knowing that replying to him would just make him worse. You felt like crying, and not because what he was saying was hurting your feelings, but because it wasn’t so long ago, you’d have believed every word and even apologised to him. For being less than expected. For being a disappointment in all things.

But now, you needed to make sure that firm, hard exterior of yours was back in place and you needed to get out here and fast.

You tuned into the conversation taking place with Chris and knew that an ambulance was on its way. All you needed to do was wait a little while longer. You packed away your feelings to that place you had shoved them all so long ago and fixed Isaac with an unwavering stare.

‘Send me an invoice for the cost of the food. And the facilities if you like. Trust me, I would not have come here if there had been any other option. We’re three hours walk from the car, the storm had moved in and Chris was injured. I apologise for the intrusion but this was the closest safe place.’

The rangers were beginning to help Chris to the car, who was trying to convince them he didn’t needed assistance. They were going to drive Chris up to the where the cars were parked so that he could be met by the ambulance there. You needed to collect Dodger and take him with you.

‘I’m leaving now, Isaac. I don’t suppose I’ll see you again.’

You gathered up Dodger’s lead and clipped it on him as Isaac looked on in something like surprise.

‘So you’re trying the whole ice queen act, I can see. You’re not fooling anyone sweetheart. You’re the same pathetic mouse you always were.’

You paused on your way out of the door, but did not turn around to speak to him. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

‘No, Isaac, I’m not. I was, I’ll give you that. I was pathetic enough to deal with you for too many years of my life, but I don’t have to now. I’m done and have been done for a very long time.’

With that, you walked purposefully from the building, climbing into the open door of the ranger’s vehicle. Chris was there too, of course, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. The engine was started and you were off, Dodger curled up on the middle seat between you.

‘So that was your ex-boyfriends place,’ Chris spoke first, softly enough not to draw the attention of the two men in the front as you rumbled along the forest road.

‘Yep. There was no other choice.’

‘I know,’ he replied, ‘I just can’t help feeling that there were some things you did have a choice about, and you went ahead and did them anyway even though they were very questionable decisions.’

You let your eyes drift shut, feeling the shame wash over you, knowing he was referring to the pretty obvious moves you made on him during the night.

‘I’m sorry.’ It was all you could say. There was no reason, no excuse. You opened your eyes again, vision blurred and desperately trying to focus on the green whirring past you as the 4x4 sped the both of you to where your own cars were parked. For all your big, brave words, you could feel yourself shrinking now.

***

The whole incident felt like a blur as your alarm blared obscenely into the early morning. You barely even remembered driving yourself home, which made you feel queasy. You couldn’t even really recall what had happened to Chris. Had he actually been packed in an ambulance? Had someone come to pick him up? What happened to Dodger? You had run so fast away from it all, you had barely any recollection of what had actually happened in those last couple of hours.

Such was the impact of seeing Isaac again.

You sighed, heaving yourself out of bed and padding to the bathroom. Such was the life of a teacher: nothing but nothing would stand in your way of turning up at school.

You didn’t even dare look at yourself in the mirror, fearful of seeing the evidence of yesterday etched across your features. Fearful you would see yourself as Isaac described. Disappointing.

Berating yourself as you showered for your lack of strength, you kept turning the reunion over and over in your mind. His sneering expression, his words that cut through every single one of the shaky defences you had built around yourself. All these years, you thought you had created an impenetrable fortress for your emotions, determined to never, ever let a man get to you the way he had again. He had made you a shell of a woman and once you were free, it took a long time to rebuild yourself, to find out who you actually were without him. But ten minutes in his company, and the whole delicate construction had come crumbling down.

However, you acknowledged, it wasn’t all him. At the other end of the feelings spectrum entirely, Chris had been slowly but surely encouraging you to let him in. He hadn’t been tearing at your walls, like Isaac always had, but he was gentle, so you barely even noticed when another piece had gone. By the time Isaac showed up, you were already vulnerable and exposed, ripe and ready to have your heart plucked from your chest and crushed once again.

It proved to you, more than ever, that relationships and feelings were more trouble than they were worth. Blasting your hair with the hairdryer, you resolved to forget Chris, to erase him from your life completely, to get yourself back to that place where you were untouchable and closed off. That place was safe and secure and where you needed to be.

***

‘Christ, you look like shit,’ Nina told you, brutally honest, as she walked into your classroom twenty minutes before the first bell, dropping a steaming cup of coffee in front of you.

‘Thanks for your loving support, as always,’ you replied wearily, your head slumped against your hand, propped on the surface of your desk and breathing in the rich coffee aroma gratefully.

‘Rough weekend?’

‘You could say that, but probably not for the reasons you’re imagining.’

‘Go on, give me the summarised version,’ Nina pulled out a chair and sat down opposite you as you took a deep breath and launched into the whole sorry tale, not holding back (excluding the part about Chris being a famous actor, of course), cringing when you told her how you threw yourself at Chris and then how Isaac threw insult after insult at you.

‘So, have you spoken to Chris?’

You sat up straight at that, ‘What?! Of course not! As he’d want to hear from me now, after all that. I tried to sleep with him in my ex-boyfriend’s bed for fuck’s sake!’

Nina shook her head, ‘He’s probably wondering what the hell you were thinking, true, but I don’t think that’s a deal breaker. Especially when you explain to him just how awful Isaac had always been to you.’

Bile rose in your throat, ‘No way. There is no way I will ever be explaining anything like that. No. I’m going back to how I was before, everything back to normal.’

Nina looked at you with something approaching pity, ‘Babe, how you were before wasn’t normal! Keeping yourself locked away and treating any man who threatens to disrupt your carefully ordered sphere by daring to be attracted to you like some sort of criminal isn’t normal. Is this Chris anything like Isaac?’

‘Of course not. Chris is… so different,’ you remembered him pretending to be Captain America for that little boy.

‘Then what’s the problem. Come on sweetheart, let yourself be happy now. It’s been long enough.’

‘I can’t Nina. I get too consumed. I lose myself and turn into this weak, stupid, ridiculous girl who just gets walked over and treated like shit. And I let it happen!’

‘It shouldn’t be like that though. What you had with Isaac wasn’t real, it was abusive! In an equal partnership, you don’t get one person bringing the other one down, changing them. That’s what you need to find,’ Nina reached across the desk to clasp your hand in hers, ‘You deserve it, I promise.’

‘I’m fine on my own Nina, I swear. I was perfectly happy with my life before Chris and I’ll be perfectly happy again.’

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans imagine #chris evans fanfiction

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