#i know ill find people who dont make me feel like i have to beg and fight for scraps of attention/consideration but fuck

[ohgirliepleasee]

I think I just have to accept that I'm always going to be the one who cares more.

#frankie.txt #like even with people who like me i feel like so often i am just not afforded like #basic respect or consideration #and i am always *always* thinking of how my actions will impact others and trying to make things easy for people #to a fault. and im so tired of it but idk how else to live #i know ill find people who dont make me feel like i have to beg and fight for scraps of attention/consideration but fuck #im so tired of thinking i matter to people and then realizing im a b list friend at best #im so tired of losing people and being discarded and feeling like im NOTHING #sorry im just like. finally accepting that its happening again and i just want to crumble i feel so betrayed #theres like 3 ppl i feel truly care about me and i am so grateful for them but it still hurts when other ppl ghost me #like i never meant anything to them #and it keeps fucking happening #anyway ill be fine i just had to say this

[suffarustuffaru]

why the emilia camp thinks otto is their most threatening member 👍

i see some people being confused on why the emilia camp collectively seems to agree that otto is the biggest threat there for some reason and like. yeah. i get it.

but let me explain real quick why i think it makes sense for the emilia camp to think that :O !!

otto though is disarming because. well okay look at him he doesnt look threatening at all. he has the looks and personality of a wet cat. hes whiny. hes cringe fail. he gets stressed out with paperwork. he looks like you could just smack him around like a bug. he HAS been smacked around like a bug. but that makes him unpredictable because apart from roswaal, he is the Most Amoral one there. you can expect roswaal to be trying some shit, but youd never know when to expect otto is planning something. his moral compass is just “does this benefit me or my loved ones in some way? if not, then its gonna be gone 🥺”.

sure, he does nice things sometimes out of the goodness of his heart. he genuinely means well a lot of the time.

but also then you read the shit hes thinking in his internal dialogue and its like.

“should i go save some girl i dont even know from bandits??? hmm lemme think for a couple minutes. im the only one that can help rn… some guy claiming to be her dad is begging me to help his daughter, but also hes kind of annoying… but i dont even live in this city so why should i help… or Care. actually. but i feel kinda bad about this girl… but also this is gonna put me and my profits in danger… but if i reject helping then im forever gonna be known as the guy who abandoned them and then i wont be able to make any sales in this city anymore :<<<< ……anyway im gonna help them then lol im so smart.” and then he gets captured by the exact same bandits anyway so hes like “well okay now me and this girl might be sold into slavery so i might as well save both of us or ill feel bad ☝️☝️”

(yes. yes this is genuinely ottos thought process if you read through the Otto's Bittersweet Peddling Log side story.)

except all the back and forth Calculation he does in his head Stays In His Head and doesnt match up with his outward appearance most of the time. which means that sometimes his words dont match up with his actions. “dont be surprised if i leave at the first sign of danger,” he says, right after risking his life and writing a suicide note over a dude hes known for like four days. “ahah thanks for giving me a vacation to see my family…” he says, damn well knowing he cant go back home yet otherwise he’ll get sniped by assassins. “im gonna give you some of my own money bounty money to help you BUT BUT BUT DONT THINK THAT IM NICE OR ANYTHING I NEED MOST OF THE MONEY FOR REPAIRS OK YOU CAN ONLY HAVE A BIT :<<<“

this also means that whenever otto says or does something Particularly Questionable, all his friends are still kinda blindsided by it because otherwise otto seems Mostly Fine in comparison to whatever the hell everyone else has going on. hes just a wet pathetic cat of a guy ahah. theres nothing more going on with h—

“if everyone in vollachia dies but rem and natsuki-san live, then we’ve won. if everyone in vollachia lives but rem and natsuki-san die, then we’ve lost.”

um otto can you repeat that. what the fuck did you just say.

otto looks Mostly Normal, Just Stressed Out or Somewhat Chilling the vast majority of the time, and then he whacks you over the head with a steel chair. like can you imagine being garfiel and learning that this pathetic rag of a man is actually pretty brave when it counts. youre like “oh cool lol we kinda beat each others asses and i was Annoyed but now that thats all over i got some newfound respect for you!!” and then you read through his diary and hes got a suicide note in there, which is like. okay fine whatever hes kind of a clown just like my New Captain lol but hes dedicated to his friends, ill give him that. and then a year later you find your now brother figure (whos also lowkey highkey an alcoholic) with a broken hand after punching a wall because he couldnt do his Lets Abandon 50 Million People Plan and youre just sitting there going

and okay dont get me wrong—subaru is Batshit Crazy. in Multiple Incomprehensible Ways. if the emilia camp (or Anyone. At All.) knew about all the shit hes done and been through with rbd, subaru would INSTANTLY be skyrocketing up the Most Threatening People list. but at the same time subarus less threatening than otto in the sense that subarus Always going to want to do good. hes Always going to want to save everyone. hes Extremely forgiving, on top of that. he goes along picking up friends everywhere he goes in his own Incomprehensible Unhinged Way and hes fond of All of them.

otto? yeah his opinion of you could shift on a dime and you could end up in his personal shit list unless youre one of the *checks list* *clears throat* maybe like ten people he cares about. and even if youre on the I Care About You! :) list, he could still get pissed enough at you to, i dont know, punch a wall over you? and spiral into obsession? and even if hes not upset at you hes still gonna mansplain manipulate malewife his way to his goals <33

and yeah of course subaru is also Mansplain Manipulate and Gaslight Gatekeep but at least he has way more good intentions AND his attitude about it is gonna be like "sorry :<<< i just gotta do this for your sake :<<<<<< :((( haha dont worry about it". subaru would never ever want to do anything big to hurt his loved ones (except for rbd). while otto doesnt even bat an eye. everyone can be manipulated if he has to. he goes down his list of Things I Need To Do and goes "yeah that had to be done. oh well. anyway i got more shit to do (like maybe kill a toddler lol)"

also lets talk about roswaal's perspective really quick. post-arc 4 hes like "well subaru-kun is always gonna want to save everyone and hes doing a pretty good job of things in general so whatever lol. i can still keep him in check by killing everyone if even one of his friends dies :)". so its like. YEAH subarus an Unhinged Wildcard. roswaal knows that. but right now subaru is more predictable and also again, roswaal knows he can keep subaru in check by making subaru have to reset if roswaal really needs to.

but otto? yeah ottos second in line for being an Unhinged Wildcard. but whats even worse is that otto is Basically Subaru but More Calculating and with a moral backbone thats Near Nonexistent. roswaal was genuinely concerned for otto in arc 8 for once and there was still Literally No Stopping Otto from being a stubborn little shit whos hell bent on all the maladjusted insane mentalities hes got floating around in his head, half of which he doesnt even say out loud, and all of which he thinks is Completely Right and that theres Nothing Wrong with what hes doing.

and also otto being underestimated and Not In The Tome was a big help as to how subaru got the win over roswaal in arc 4 👍and then otto Continues to try keeping an eye on roswaal after arc 4, to the point of getting roswaal's tome and actively trying to investigate roswaal's actions, so roswaal is Very Aware that otto is. a bit of a threat. roswaal of course is smarter and more powerful than otto though, but that still doesnt change the fact that otto is still capable of being a threat if roswaal doesnt Also kind of keep an eye on otto back. because roswaal kind of lost to otto already in arc 4!!

but okay, on top of all of this, no one knows the full extent of whats going on with otto, not even roswaal (though he has his Suspicions), and most definitely not subaru yet (whos Still a bit of an otto apologist anyway), and otto is already a bit menacing even without knowing All of that. and the rest of the emilia camp are already a bit more lenient with roswaal (as hes seemingly chilled out after arc 4 + they all need him still). that, and you can easily Expect roswaal post-arc 4 to be suspicious and Probably up to something. you wont know what it is, but you wont Exactly be surprised when it happens.

and also roswaal isnt publicly batshit crazy like otto is. otto of course isnt as Openly Weird as subaru, but otto is still Openly Unhinged and Pathetic. just look at him declaring julius and anastasia, HIS CAMP'S ALLIES, as enemies right to their faces alsdfjlsdjfl.

and with subaru, there is Zero doubt in the emilia camp's minds that subaru wants the best for them and everyone around them.

otto though? yeah he also wants whats best for the camp. he Cares about them, he really does. but hes so obviously Questionable by the time you get to arc 8 to the point where the entire rest of the camp starts eyeing him like this:

theres also the fact that ottos dp allows him to have eyes and ears Everywhere so long as he doesnt overuse it. that paired with his Intelligence, Stubbornness, and Lack of Morals or self-awareness/sometimes guilt/regret over his actions is dangerous. theres a reason why gluttony if subaru decided to flood The Entire Surrounding Area Around Otto. the flood took away the potential army otto couldve made out of the animals and allies otto had in the city, and once you do that, whats otto going to do against someone like shaula? all of ottos power regarding his People Skills and Animal DP was stripped away.

but if that Isnt stripped away... well honestly otto can do whatever the hell he wants the moment he figures out a solid plan to try and get what he wants. his biggest ability at the core of what makes him dangerous is his ability to quite Literally be in the background. so long as hes underestimated, so long as he still has secrets, no ones gonna know the full extent of his bullshit!! you cant stop him if you dont even realize what hes going to do, and hes Good at doing that!!

and if gluttonybaru hadnt taken out otto, subaru would be skyrocketing right to the top of ottos shit list after subaru literally just killed All of ottos (and previously subarus.) loved ones. otto wouldnt stop until he figured out how to destroy subaru. its to the point where im pretty sure if otto had to choose between destroying half the world vs kill gluttonybaru once and for all, otto would certainly choose one of those options in a Heartbeat.

anyway. if youre an emilia camp member, and you see the dude whos in charge of the Vast Majority of the factions political affairs, the guy who you Know is very intelligent and competent and determined when it counts, say shit like "if everyone dies in this entire country i wouldnt even give a single flying fuck as long as our friends get back safe and sound :) it would be such a loss if the entire country lived but our friends didnt :<<<" OF COURSE I WOULD BE LIKE YEAH THAT GUY IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ONE HERE. HE HAS THE SKILLS AND THE MOTIVATION TO BACK UP THAT STATEMENT AND I WONT EVEN KNOW WHEN ITD HAPPEN. he also has the Mental Instability to back that up too, given the amount of times he spends drinking and Raging and Being Terribly Anxious over Every Little Thing.

youll be sweating buckets being wary of otto while ottos casually standing there with his wet cat looks and a knife in your back.

and otto has, for the most part, some of the most normal trauma compared to a bunch of people in this cast (not to discount ottos trauma and pain or anything but its true lajdsfls sorry otto. but also im not sorry because arc 5 was partially on you T^T). he doesnt have rbd, he doesnt have some weird family drama bullshit going on like the astreas or emilias family or the segmunts, he hasnt been erased by gluttony, etc etc. but hes still like this. if you put him in subarus position and gave him rbd, he would get even worse than he already is.

yeah so anyway thats my quick rambley psa about why i think it makes sense that the emilia camp's voted otto as the most threatening one there 👍

but the fact that we (the audience) (or at least some of us!!) keep questioning why the hell the emilia camp thinks otto is the biggest threat there is means that otto's funny silly guy image is. Kind of Working??? just a little bit.

because. granted. of course i think subaru is easily the most threatening person there with both His Flavor of Insanity and rbd. subaru is an eldritch horror in every single way. but at the same time - hes an eldritch horror who thinks friendship is the best magic of all T^TT !!! he FORGIVES PEOPLE WHO'VE KILLED AND TORTURED HIM. hes not threatening in this sense - the fact that hes kind of just way too nice in this sense!!! granted yes, he IS abusing rbd and Terrifying and Threatening in a multitude of ways, but i'd rather take my chances with mainbaru over main otto right now HAH T^TT at least subaru will apologize and start bawling his eyes out if he stabs some random innocent civilian and stranger in the gut for Some Necessary Reason!! otto would feel a bit bad and then completely Eradicate that feeling of guilt with "i had to do it. it was them or me so no regrets <3".

because otto..................... yeah otto is the Worlds Most Pathetic Yandere to his whole camp.

#this is an impromptu ramble post i made again while taking a break from homework alsjdflsd but yeah ive been seeing people Still being #confused about this over on reddit so i felt like typing smth up about it just to try and figure this topic out!!! bc you think the emilia #camp would be voting up like roswaal as their most dangerous member right??? but no!! its canonically otto!! which is very fascinating hah. #and it genuinely doesnt make sense at first until you think about it for. a While. #re:zero #rezero #arc 8 spoilers #otto suwen #natsuki subaru #roswaal l mathers #did i write this just for that last line of this post?? maybe....

[spacexseven]

ok im finally here with the spy au stuff. sorry this took me so long i suddenly got Extremely Ill and couldnt really do much but im BACK baby.

im gonna do some more than i originally planned since i made u and the venerable budijojo wait so long so buckle up

AKUTAGAWA - ohhhh akutagawa… poor thing. this is about The Most devastating thing that could possibly happen to him. i could see him not realizing he loves darling in time just by virtue of arrogance, similar to fyodor. he doesnt think he’d ever deign to have something as silly as affection for someone like… you. preposterous. doesnt help that he has dazai’s voice in his ear at every second. but, well, here he is: stuck adoring somebody who hates him, and knowing it’s all his fault. although deep in despair, ever the devotee, he will gracefully take any punishment darling throws at him- granted they stay by his side. you might not think so, what with all the ‘stabbing you a hundred times with his jacket’ business he put you through, but you’re truly the safest by HIS side, you’ll see! no one can protect you as well as he can! you can spit at him, scream at him, hurt him, tell him all the ways you despise him; he’ll accept it all, but he won’t- *can’t* let go of you. he needs to keep you safe, it’s the only way he can make up for his sins.

DAZAI - oh christ. if you thought akutagawa had attachment issues get a load of this guy. i could see him REALLY shooting himself in the dick by also getting a bit of torture in before “killing” you- either cuz you suddenly started being cagey with information and he was approaching his deadline or just cuz he felt like it at the time. dazai is… very jarring. his emotional state is such that he feels this very suddenly and very violently, and his demeanor is very dependent on what he’s feeling. this is all to say that when you and dazai meet again, the version of dazai you knew- the manipulative nihilist who kissed your cheek within the same hour he broke all your fingers with a pair of pliers- is all but gone. he’s been replaced with some sopping wet cat of a man who looks honest-to-god shattered at your rejections. and he really IS like a pet cat who just realized hes in trouble, or maybe more of a stray who learned the hard way that people stop feeding you after you maul them. anything he can think of to get even a SECOND of your affection he’ll do, and i do mean anything. he’ll debase himself, scream, cry, beg, kill, anything he thinks will do the job. just please please please please PLEASE dont run away from him he loves you so much please stay he needs you please….

CHUUYA - i think hes the least likely to make this mistake just cuz he seems pretty self-possessed, but i could also see him getting very swept up in the little competition he made up in his head and not thinking his actions through very well. also DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL he’s gonna be the LAST guy to admit his feelings in this circumstance, just cuz admitting it would be much too painful so his brain just rejects it. i mean, the fella kicked you so hard into the wall it made a crater, he can STILL hear the echoes of your bones crunching in his head every time he closes his eyes, thats HARDLY the actions of a man in love. besides, even if you DID somehow survive that, youd never take him back (not that he wants that lol no way) so it���s not even worth thinking about. theres gonna be a lot of waking up from a drunken stupor only to find himself in your old apartment or surrounded by your possessions in a nest and some extremely pitying glances from kouyou before he lets himself accept what he feels and what he did. any peace he manages to make with this over time will immediately shatter what he hears that youve been spotted wandering around the city. our boy is going off the deep end instantly. 

FYODOR -it doesn’t really come as a shock that fyodor didn’t realize his feelings for you til pretty late in the game, given that he’s a black hole where emotions go to die. UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT i can very easily see fyodor feeling guilt over the whole Trying To Kill His Darling debacle, its just that he doesnt really have any kind of handle on this feeling at all. all he can process is that you’re scared of him/mad at him and this makes him feel this Mysterious Bad Feeling™ that he doesnt know what to do with. it occurs to him that he could very easily just make you compliant with him by fiddling with your brain like he did to ivan, but this makes the Bad Feeling worse. he doesnt want you to be a smiling puppet, he wants YOU, as strange as this desire is to him. all the little things used to do that had gotten on his nerves or perplexed him he now feels this alien yearning for. he feels this full body frost whenever he hears you crying through the door of your (cell) room, the distinct sensation of oncoming sickness. he finds himself very hesitant to put his hands on you, or even enter your line of sight out of fear of disturbing and upsetting you. odd. expect him to creepily watch you sleep a lot after he kidnaps you, enjoying seeing your face at peace for once. 

GOGOL - clown boy has established he feels guilt over things as much as the next guy, so ohhh BOY is he not gonna handle this too good. honestly, i could see his guilt overwhelming him to the point where he refuses to kidnap you or approach you again at all. he had his chance and made his choice, best to let his birdie be free now, yes? of course, he doesnt let you go TOTALLY. he has his eye on you as often as his schedule will allow. definitely dons disguise after disguise as an excuse to get close to you, maybe even makes up a persona that works at a shop you frequent so he gets to talk to you every day. eventually his mind might fray to the point where he cant STAND it anymore and NEEDS to get you back no matter what, especially if he insists on prolonged exposure to you, but hed probably try to avoid upsetting you as much as he can. youll give in eventually, hes going to be the only person youre ever going to be close to again, after all, so theres no need to force anything. he can convince you of his sincerity, hes sure of it.

also bonus i think this concept would also work really well with jouno what do you think. couldnt think of anything for kouyou sorry :/

- 🩹

thank you so much for all your effort behind this :> hope you're feeling better now!! i tried to write fyodor a little differently for you so. what do you think eheh :> the linked words take you to the original spy au posts for those characters! i considered writing for jouno but this post is way too long already for an ask lol

cw: yandere characters (akutagawa, dazai, chuuya, fyodor, nikolai), obsessive behavior, violence, forced relationships, stalking, manipulation, mentions of torture/interrogations, deceit, imprisonment (not proofread)

akutagawa is constantly tormented with his feelings for you. he knows he doesn't have the time to be in love, since he has more important things to do like make dazai recognize him, but he doesn't have a handle on himself. he can't put a lid on the wonderfully complex things he feels for you, and that's why it manifests the way it did. besides, he can't imagine actually tolerating, let alone liking, you, with all your kindness and concern that was long beaten out of him.

you've always been so kind to him, looking out for him, talking to him, treating him like anyone else. but all he could do in response was nod to your questions. akutagawa himself hasn't been shown a lot of affection so his way of showing his feelings is...awkward. he didn't know how to be friendly or be loved, but you didn't seem to care. and then when he finally, finally identified the cause of his palpitating heart and distracted mind, when he finally came to terms with what he felt, everything went wrong. you weren't supposed to find out, and you weren't supposed to get hurt. you weren't supposed to hate him, even if everyone else did.

he had been prepared to face the anger from his coworkers when they found out he fell for the enemy, but he wasn't planning on you finding out the way you did. and the look on your face, the hatred and the betrayal, it broke him. akutagawa, having lost everything already, grovels at your feet. he's desperate for another chance, but he doesn't dare complain, not when you ignore him and scorn him, not when you refuse to even acknowledge him.

he has hope, though, that one day you'd realize he only wanted to keep you safe. he only wants to show you that he's worth keeping around. you saved him before, and he only wanted to repay the favor forever. your organization was down and yokohama was far from safe, but with akutagawa by your side, nobody would dare touch a hair on your head.

dazai well, it's established he hates you from the moment he was assigned the spying mission. of course he hates you and the dates you planned out and the meals you make and the hand holding and the kissing and the...warmth he never gets elsewhere...and...the adoring way you look at him...and....and...

what was he thinking? you were just a target!

dazai has so many dilemmas during this mission because he's conflicted with hating you for being so damn annoying and feeling something because you're head over heels for an asshole like him, but let's say he pushes down the growing good he feels for you, shoves it away and sticks with hating you constantly for the purpose of this scenario. when the gig's up and you find out he was using you to get intel, there's no point in pretending anymore. no point in going along with your affectionate touches and asking about your day.

dazai has to rely on his usual, faithful method of getting intel—interrogation. he pretends like he doesn't care about hurting your feelings, pretends like it's just another job and it doesn't affect him if you're scared or crying. he doesn't care what you think of him now, of course not.

but right after it's all done, he's drowning in regret. he can't even remember what you told him, he just wants to take it all back. he scared you terribly, he knows he probably traumatized you and he can't undo it anymore. he tries, though, of course he does. at one point you were hopelessly infatuated with him despite how mean he was, so if he was the complete opposite now, you'd definitely look back at him, right? you'll be satisfied seeing him suffer for your sake, right? he'll happily beg for your forgiveness and debase himself if you'd feel even a little satisfied. if there's no way for you to forgive him, then he'll just have to go all out. he'll pull out all the stops and do everything in his power.

(i think dazai would definitely kick into the typical "i'll kill for you" yandere thing around here, hoping that by killing your enemies you'd appreciate him. he can't stand knowing other people were around you, people you had no reason to hate unlike him. what if you liked them instead? you liked dazai despite his shortcomings, so you could also fall for someone else that wasn't him. he couldn't have that)

chuuya (hehehe ive been waiting for this) feels the most guilt out of everyone in this list. i find it hard to imagine him actually hurting darling even if it's for the pm, like you said, he has the most self-control. in the original post of spy au! chuuya, he's completely obsessed with you and ends up scaring you off since you realize something's off, which leads to him finding your new place and what not. so i'll use the premise of him feeling guilty for scaring you and you kinda hating him for being a creep :>

he can't bring himself to hurt you, so knowing he's frightened you, knowing you hate him for what he believed was showing concern for you because he loved you, it shattered him. he didn't mean for you to think that he had it out for you or that he was going to kill you just because he worked for the enemy organization. he loved you and he only wanted you to be safe. he only wanted to get to know you so you'd love him back.

he allows himself to suffer, drinking a dangerous amount almost every night, staying in the apartment you used to instead of his own, looking at all the things he bought you and imagining you using them. it's pathetic to see how he's turned into a helpless, lovesick fool that can't even get you to look twice at him anymore. he tries to throw away the feelings he had, he avoids any mention of you and drowns himself in work and alcohol, but it's only a matter of time before the two of you cross paths again and he's unable to hold back from breaking down and begging you to take him back.

since i don't have a planned out story for fyodor in this spy au i'll make it up as i go. probably some info stealing for the doa, he can't exactly ask anyone else to go. bram is...in an awkward state, kamui is far too much of a public figure, sigma is too busy with the casino, and nikolai...there's no guarantee he won't just kill you, and fyodor can't have that, not after all his efforts to track you down and choose you for his mission. you should be honored, really, that he's giving you such an important role in his plans. maybe he could even convince you to join his side and completely sell out your organization.

everyone knows fyodor would be successful in his mission, and they know he'd get you wrapped around his finger very quickly. of course you don't think there's a single suspicious thing about this strange man who suddenly walked through the doors of your life and is somehow always around you and wow he's so nice and wow, isn't this moving too fast? but fyodor has that way of reassuring you with a smile and gentle strokes that there was nothing to worry about, and who were you to question him then?

you try to make him happy. he's always a bit emotionless, always a neutral expression on his face so you can't really tell if he's upset or happy when you greet him with a kiss. or is that surprise on his face? you don't know if he likes you holding his hand or if he wants to hear about your day, but one reassuring squeeze of the hand and an acknowledging hum sends you happily continuing your earlier actions. fyodor is a little surprised by your efforts to make him feel included. he's used to silence except for nikolai's random interruptions, but having you constantly by his side isn't the worst. compared to the miserable people in the world, you weren't nearly as unbearable for him.

fyodor is mostly surprised by how disappointed you look when it all blows over, and his identity is revealed. you're not disappointed at him, but at yourself for falling for a lie, and causing your coworkers deaths. he was too good to be true, you think, and you blame yourself for falling for his tricks. trust one charming stranger, and look where that got you? in some obscure prison cell and subjected to cruel questioning.

it's not very satisfying seeing you cry and rub at your red eyes. it's far from nice when you're ignoring him and boiling with resentment. and well, he shouldn't care. you had one purpose in his plan and it was now fulfilled. you should be happy you had a chance to help out in the making of fyodor's goals, but here you were sobbing so uncontrollably. he's a little uncomfortable seeing you look so devastated, and he's uneasy now that you don't tell him anything anymore. it's unfamiliarity that haunts him because you've changed, and not for the better. if he sees you opening up around sigma, who was the most ordinary person in the building, he's a little troubled by it, but you glaring at him with burning hatred is even worse than seeing you talk to someone else, so he just leaves the room.

despite the unhelpful suggestions he gets from the rest, he doesn't want you to lose your mind like ivan, even if the latter claims he isn't unhappy anymore. watching you when you sleep1!! yes, the only time he feels he can be around you now, when you're unaware of his presence. he doesn't like it, doesn't like having to walk on eggshells and hide from you like he was in the wrong. which he shouldn't be. he was only saving you from that hellhole and that shitty organization that never stood a chance against him. if he left you back there, you'd be dead. shouldn't you be grateful?

considering nikolai is like, the master of disguises, this mission should have been a piece of cake. get intel, and then he can do whatever he wants to you and your friends. this was a fun break for him! he was asked to join the company you worked for (a front for the organization) as a new hire and gather all the intel he could, but he didn't think he'd get attacked to anyone on the job.

you were surprisingly excited to guide him around the office, taking the senior role with pride. nikolai doesn't let it slip that he doesn't care about what you do or where the break room is, so he happily follows you around and shares your enthusiasm. you're all friendly and helpful to him, and he doesn't mind at all but it was a little annoying when he was trying to bug a meeting room and you just came around the corner, insisting he check out the new coffee machine. well, despite how irritating it got, he couldn't bring himself to dislike you for it.

and really, he can't help but tease you a little, watching the startled expression when he stares at you a little too coldly for a little too long, or lets it casually slip that he knew about the organization, though he's a little surprised by how quickly you bounce back to your usual carefree manner. oh, but the fun hadn't started yet! he was mostly looking forward, to the after. he couldn't wait to see your expression when you realize you've been cheated all along, and how you were going to die by his hands—

—but when the day came, it wasn't even a little satisfying to see you crumble. he didn't expect to be consumed entirely with guilt when he sees you tear up, hurt in your eyes. something inside him aches; he knows he's not invulnerable to feeling like this, but this intensity of emotion was new. he can't bear to look at you, facing the horror etched into your face at the sight of him, so he just disappears into his coat, leaving you somewhere far away from the devastation.

despite how much he yearns to be free he can't let you experience the same, unable to stop thinking about you. he checks in on you from time to time, hoping you'd try seeking him out. after all, he was the only other person who knew what happened, and you couldn't rely on anyone like you could on him. he knew you better than anyone else, all your secrets and your thoughts, and you'd need him by your side.

he'll definitely give into his urges and kidnap you eventually. he can't bear to be away from you, not after he knows you're probably feeling lonely, not knowing anyone else who could understand you. well, you probably didn't want to see the man who ruined your life, but it wasn't like you had many options. he's sorry that he hurt you, really! nikolai promises to be good, to go back to being the guy you befriended, but only if you promise to stay by his side.

#all this talk about spies has me thinking abt spyxfamily #a true gem #‟he’s a black hole where emotions go to die‟ that he is #yandere bsd #yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bsd x reader #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bungou stray dogs #yandere dazai x reader #yandere dazai x reader #yandere dazai osamu #yandere dazai #yandere akutagawa #yandere chuuya x reader #yandere chuuya nakahara #yandere fyodor #yandere fyodor x reader #yandere fyodor dostoevsky #yandere nikolai x reader #yandere nikolai gogol #yandere x reader

[molluskmirage]

I have been deeply perturbed by the revelation that the qsmp egg admins (and other admins) have been unpaid. Anyone but particularly young folks are taken advantage of a lot in the working sphere and it makes me feel deeply ill.

The amount of love those admins have clearly had for this smp and what it stands for is absolutely highlighted all the more. Every time they were on especially if not ‘required’ by plot, thats just pure love. Love for loves sake. And it kills me to know all the obstacles they may have faced irl to work on something purely for passion.

no money. no fame. no name. Every egg always fell quiet upon jokes or jests of there payment. No sass because there was nothing. Nothing to show their families nothing to fund this ‘lifestyle choice’ thats a job that doesnt pay. Being characters synonymous with the series, begged for, all the while with nothing. While the streamer they attend to is getting dono’s they preform on screen. Their streamers meet together offline at big events, while they’re not even supposed to communicate over call with one another. Left behind with nothing, if they want merch from the streamer they hangout with day in and out they must buy it from there own pocket.

(speculation on my part but Dappers admin started getting burnt out around summer, they also hinted at building things behind the scenes, did they do so because that was paid work? Man so many little moments make my stomach turn)

this is a very serious matter.

this isnt to make everything either good or evil. People not getting paid for the work they do is bad. While I can hold the hope and hold accountable that the right thing (in payment and back payment) will and must be done, I hold it very dear when I say there is damage. Nearly an entire year these wonderful human beings have worked for nothing. The same or more work the streamer they are accompanying is praised for. So much goes on in a year that having no pay to show for work done is appalling and detrimental towards. It makes my skin crawl with all the possibilities behind the scenes. I am both incredibly angry and upset.

I do not know how Quackity was unaware. I am ignorant on how that is the case. I will believe it as the admin’s statements have been so but I am deeply disappointed. I do not believe him ‘evil’ he is human but people who are under his name are not having their needs met and I take that very seriously. His mission is good his love is good but this absolutely must be rectified. Not of criticism but of fact it must be done.

young people get taken advantage of so often and quackity himself could be swept up into that category, I am unaware of the particulars behind the project but as its in q’s name he is the one I am looking towards.

I have no particular ills to speak about quackity other then this topic, once resolved can be forgiven but I find it more disheartening how many wish to downplay severity or that they themselves would be happy to work for free. Those attitudes perpetuate cycles of abuse. I so hope for a future were folks come to know their worth and how precious there time, energy and love really is, and that those abusing do better and honor that work or else suffer a downfall.

So sick of people being taken advantage of.

I do think things can be fixed but that does not negate that this is a very serious subject (to me personally). I can believe something is good but requires fixing without it being synonymous with bad or evil. If somethings broke you fix it and its fine. Right now its broke, were in the fixing stage so I reserve judgement upon why this occurred until presented with the fix.

I do not like to villainize or dramatize these people or situations, this topic is serious and needs appropriate care. This can be done. I have faith. What I dont like to see is downplaying needs or making monsters of men.

People need pay for their work.

#Qsmp crit #qsmp discourse #qsmp neg #im still not sure how tags work or if this is right dont care if anyone reads this just want to make sure they have the chance to avoid it #If its too big a subject of discourse

[simplyjake]

i have a request!!! playing minecraft with streamer!Hee 😭😭 i think i’d be really cute, can be hcs if you want!!

a/n: anon... streamer!hee is my whole personality i personally believe he would be a streamer if he wasnt an idol but thats for another day. i hope this satisfies ur request!!

warnings: none that i know of

gn!reader

Minecraft with boyfie streamer!hee

His twitch and/or youtube has like 5 million subscribers or something idk

People love hot men who game! (me core)

Kinda irrelevant but i think heeseung would be one of the korean members in the quackity smp server idk idk idk

Hees fans know abt u

But you never really show yourself because you dont rlly feel the need to yk

But heeseungs comments keep begging him to play games with you

So he goes to call you (on stream may i add)

“Baby!!!” so cute stfu

“Yeah hun whats up” ur phone connected by your ear and shoulder (do yk what i mean im bad at explaining) bc ur buying groceries for the house😭😭😭

“Chat is asking for you to play a game with me on stream”

“As long as we play minecraft im so down”

“Thank you lovie! Ill see u when u get home MWAH”

So then you guys plan for his next stream

BOOM now ur here

Ur cute lil set up right next to his i cant do this

He helps you set up ur facecam n everything so that chat can see and hear u

Now for the actual game

The mc world name is yabadabadoo 

I think heeseung is a calm mc player not one who grinds and does allat yk

Stream starts nd hes like

“Baby lets play a game, anytime something scary happens we kiss”

“Kiss… during the scary parts??? Of minecraft???”

Cue chat calling heeseung a loser im sorry

You guys start off in ur survival world and immediately his hunter gatherer instincts kick in

He’d getting meat, house materials, wool 

“Hee, put ur minecraft bed next to mine”

And he gasps 

“Yn thats so scandalous..”

At first the house is just a dirt hut

But everytime you guys stream mc tgt the house gets more elaborate

From ur lil dirt hut to like a mansion

You guys have a barn that you built

You even learned how to make an aquarium in mc go you!!!

When heeseung mines and he finds diamonds, he gives a majority of them to you

Like let's say he found 7, he gives u 4 and he keeps 3 yk

Love a man who can provide for his lover

Even w this big mansion home

He makes SURE ur beds r still tgt

You get lost a lot when you wander and dilly dally so he has to come find you 😭

Your knight in shining diamond armor

You guys have a cat and a dog

Cat is named kombucha (heeseungs idea)

Dog is named hershey (ur idea) 

It was supposed to be a one time thing but you liked it and heeseungs fans love you so minecraft streams are a twice a month typa thing

Now its something you, him, and the fans look forward in doing 

#enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #enhypen reactions #enha x reader #heeseung x reader

[gloomylace]

haii :33

im here to talk abt the post ！ note、 dont pity me、 i am aware i have messed up

Hello ！ Some of you know me、 some of you dont。 I'm Lolita、 now known as Lovelet。 Only my friends may call me Lolita (o^ ^o)

I'd like to publicly apologize as I've sent private apologies to them already。 I apologize for my actions and behavior overall。 I was neck deep in a delusion and this broke it、 thank you those who called out my actions。 I did fuck up && I needed to be shown。 

I、 deep in a delusion、 thought I was completely in the right on everything、 that everyone else was wrong if they disagreed with me。 I saw myself as holy and correct、 worthy of worship and adoration。 That was a big part of my identity as a Goddess。 I still am a Goddess but I no longer behave the same way about it。 

I was delusional、 it was caused from something that happened late December of 2023。 It triggered me and people were enabling my delusions、 telling me I was right && that anyone who disagreed with me was wrong。 I'm not blaming those who enabled me、 I know it wasn't purposefully。 

I acted irrationally and didn't care who I hurt。 I wanted love and people's attention。 I don't like public attention but I relish in private attention from friends。 I took advantage of that and used it against them。 I got upset when the attention I craved was taken from me。 

I'm not using my mental illness as a crutch anymore。 I know I fucked up and I only used my illnesses as a cover。 I forced myself into believing the narcisstic cover I made for myself was the real me、 it wasn't。 I am a bad person、 I know and own up to that。 Hurt and discomfort was never ever my intentions on anything。 I was a desperate boy who begged for any attention I could get。 I was needy、 selfish、 and an attention seeker。 I was desperate for love、 I used people and didn't care。 

I'm aware how bad that is、 I'm owning up and making it known that I feel guilt and remorse。 I feel awful and I wish those I hurt heal and forget about me。 

I'm glad people called out my actions、 I needed this delusion to stop。 It has and I'm now feeling the guilt I should've felt。 I'm back to the person I used to be and I no longer will act how I acted before。 

I will not be taking a break from this account however as I find editing my comfort and I'd miss it。 For now、 only my mutuals can request and I'll be posting mostly self indulgence。 

#tw long post #cw long post #tw large text #cw large text #tw wall of text #cw wall of text

[shuuuuush]

💙 for darkest because he is the loml 🫶 maybe just some highlights from a footasylum video w him and some of the other common people. would prefer if it wasn’t like OVERLY romantic because that gives me the ick but just like kinda cute …. I FEEL SO WEIRD REQUESTING THIS BUT YK WHATEVER and u also know how i look now so if u want those details may make it easier ??? IDK …

SOMETIMES U GOTTA LEAVE UR COMFORT ZONE GUYS !!! BUT IF U DONT WANNA WRITE THIS THEN HMU IN MESSAGES AND ILL UNDERSTAND !!! 😭😭

DONT WORRY OFC ILL WRITE THIS FOR YOU GIRL ❤️

So sorry this took so long to post 😭 I hope you like it 🫶

Laughter With You | Darkest Man

"Home school is back!" Sharky spoke, as he raised his hands in the air, earning a cheer from all the others there, you, Darkest, Harry, and Filly. "Yes, this is the show where fully grown adults take on school children at maths, science, and history. Plus a bonus round of English for our special guest."

"Yes, I know this sounds unfair, but when you find out who the contestants are for this season, you'll realise that the kids actually have an advantage." Sharky grinned as he looked around to the others, a shocked look on their faces, offended at what he just said, mumbling that what he said was rude although a smile on their faces peaked through.

"So do you guys wanna introduce yourselves?" You laughed, clasping your hands together as you glanced around the room.

This was a new season of home schooled and you got invited on for a special first video. Normally, there would be 3 people battling this 6 year old, named Timmy, but they decided that since it was the first video back for the season, they let you join in for the extra round. (Darkest also may or may not have begged for you to be in a video together to the producers)

Filly started to speak first since he was already at the table with little Timmy starting off, "Hello everyone, I'm Yung Filly, and I like to say a little slogan that goes like yeahh man!"

Harry, Darkest, and you were all sitting on the famous homeschooled couch, going in order to introduce yourselves to the camera.

Harry spoke next, the camera turning to him, "Yeah, uh, my name's HP like the sauce, Harry Pinero, but today I am Quincu Osafia."

"Hello, my name is Darkest Man, aka darkest of men and I, uh, decorate traffic lights."

Everyone laughed, including you suddenly clutching onto Darkest's arm as you laughed. It was so random, but it did make the video all the more funnier, saying the same thing all the time would have been boring.

"Hey there, I'm Allygater, aka Ally and the special guest for today's video!" You raised your hands, as everyone shouted a welcome to you, and you bowed, saying thank you, not forgetting of course to point to the young boy, Timmy, and introducing himself as the other special guest but an opponent on today's video.

The first subject was maths, Filly up against Timmy, and everyone beating him up about how he's definitely not going to win this one.

----

During the middle of Filly's subject, someone's phone began to ring, all turning your heads as you see Harry bending to grab his phone.

Sharky going over to reach and take Harry's phone, "I'm gonna have to confiscate your phone, no phones in the classroom."

Harry protested and repeatedly kept saying, "It's my son." A chuckle came from out of you, looking over at Darkest as he had the exact same thought as you.

"Wait, how have you got a son in school?" You spoke, causing everyone to laugh too, earning a look from Harry as he grudgingly handed his phone to Sharky.

"Wait, wait, what year is this, Mr. Sharky?" You asked, trying to hold in your laughter, as you glanced around at everyone's faces, them doing the same.

"This is Year 2."

That's when you couldn't hold it in anymore. You burst out laughing as you clutched onto your stomach, Filly saying, "Year 2, and you got yute already?" That definitely did not make it any better as you laughed your heart out, tears forming slightly as everyone made it worse by adding more comments onto it.

"Imagine being like, sorry sir, I have to go pick up my son." Harry put on the funniest baby voice ever that got you all cracking up.

"Who picked you up from school then?" Darkest added, As he saw the look on your face, he laughed harder, grabbing your hand as you both laughed together.

----

Darkest smiled as he watched you try and help the kid, with answers against Filly, sneakily coughing and then saying the answer, to which Sharky pretended not to notice.

Both you and Darkest ended up helping the kid at times with the answers to the questions. Despite Filly shouting, "That's cheating," it made it more funnier to do so.

"The answer is," you coughed, "The 80s," coughing again.

"No no Ally it's," coughs even louder, "Harry Pineros time," followed by another cough.

Your eyes widened as you stifled a laugh, Harry sending a glare between the both of you as you just violated his age for what seemed like the 10th time this whole video.

----

It was now science, Darkest's turn. Sharky introduced him, saying that both Filly and Harry have lost against a six year old, but Darkest has the chance to steal the win.

You cheered, whooping, "You got this!"

Darkest's cheeks turned a small pink, a bashful smile appearing on his face as he said, "Aw, thanks babe."

You raised a brow, "Not you, the kid."

A cough choked out of Filly next to you as he started laughing, yelling, "Ain't no way, she just did that to you, bruva!"

Harry and Sharky follow suit with laughter. After hearing what you said, Harry shaked his head with a laugh as he kept repeating over, "Absolute violation. Absolute Violation."

Darkest slumping over, putting his head on the table with a dejected look, although you knew it was fake, you still couldn't help but let a small frown on your face.

"Sorry, love you though, it was too funny to resist." You apologised, sending an apologetic smile Darkest's way. Earning an eye roll from him, making the rest of you all laugh.

----

"Ok, so, how am I doing so far? What's the score?" Darkest asked Sharky, turning to him.

"It is... 3-3" Sharky responded, a shocked look appearing as he raised his brows. "If you get this next point, you win."

"Wow, babe, I thought you were dumb. But now I guess you're only a little bit dumb." You smirked, Darkest gasped, placing a hand on his chest, taking "offence."

"How could my own girlfriend call me dumb?See Timmy, a great example of why you should never date."

Now it was your turn to be shocked, scoffing as your mouth was left agape, slowing reaching over to cover your mouth with your hand.

Shaking your head as you slowly said, "You. Did. Not."

"Ohh couple scrap!" Harry said, clutching onto Filly's arm as he laughed.

"Not in my classroom anyways, take your couple problems and go." Sharky pointed towards the outer set, the camera crew waving towards you both.

"How are you lot in year 2 and are dating already? Mental." Filly chuckled, remembering what you said earlier about this class being "year 2."

----

You were up next, the other three grown ass men not winning against the six year old. This was going to be interesting, the subject was English. And even though you were from Norway, you were going to ace this.

Darkest wouldn't be able to say anything afterwards when I win. You thought to yourself, a shit eating grin arising.

"Now your question is, how do you spell Asylum?" Sharky asked, looking back down at his notes to make sure he got it right in his head too.

"Wow, fits perfectly for this video." Darkest admitted, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back into the sofa.

"And why is that?" You asked, looking down at your board as you wrote.

"Because you're a lunatic." He spoke, plain and simple, gazing straight into your blue eyes. If you looked hard enough, you'd see his gaze soften just by glancing your way.

Harry put a hand on his friend's shoulder, whispering, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear, "That's why you feel in love with her, though, right? You're one as well."

"Aww, that's cute though, innit? I like seeing interactions like these." Filly giggled, watching the both of you.

"I thought he was gonna say because this is on Footasylum, didn't expect that, though." Sharky said as he put down his cards to turn to you and Timmy, as you buzzed first.

Turning to show your board, Sharky looked at you and then his cards, nodding his head, "That is correct!"

You bowed, "See? I can spell."

"Good job." Timmy said in the cutest voice. All of you turned to say, "Aww," you side hugged the little man, saying, "He is so cute, honestly."

You could guess that when you looked up, Darkest's brows furrowed, watching the scene in front of him. Yes, he thought it was cute too, but maybe he was a little bit jealous.

As if reading his mind, "Watch out, Darkest, Timmy's gonna steal your gyal." Filly laughed as he saw Darkest's reaction, earning a smack from the guy.

"HE'S SIX YEARS OLD HE AIN'T STEALING NOTHING."

You smiled, letting go of Timmy, and sitting upright properly. Darkest being jealous was something you definitely didn't know you'd see today but it was cute in a way.

You ended up giving the win to Timmy. Even though Darkest chewed you out for it, he gave you the longest hug afterwards, and you wouldn't have it any other way right now.🫶

Requested by: @allygatcr

#marly's 100 followers celebration #Fic for Ally #darkest man #darkest x ally

[kaeyx]

I honestly dont think people understand that Asmo is literally the only one from the transfer of Obey Me to Nightbringer that didnt treat MC differently from day 1. (disclaimer, i havent played nightbringer in MONTHS im still on like lesson 14 if that gives you ANY idea on how long its been since ive played) But like...........yes people notice it but i dont think people UNDERSTAND it. Asmodeus was THE ONLY ONE. Solomon is the exception but imagine you build a life with these people, you build relationships with these people, your like romantically involved with at least one of them, your best friends with at least one, youve shared secrets with them, you share a connection with them that NOBODY does, and then you get thrown into the past and ALL of that gets erased, all of the affection, all of the memories, your pacts, all of the time and effort you put into them is basically just.....gone. So imagine how it must feel to have Mammon back to being how he was at the start, or how it must feel to be shut out by Lucifer again (as a lucifer persuer it was so fucking hard to get through to him and to be thrown out and forced to worm my way back into his heart again- EXCUSE ME!? LIKE BITCH I EARNED MY PLACE IN HIS HEART HOW DARE YOU-!? THAT TOOK TIME-! ) Or how it must feel when Satan doesnt look at Mc the same anymore, or how it must feel when Simeon doesnt show the same amount of love he did before, and then being able to have that sense of........liek.....warmth when talking to Asmo because you know that....nothings really changed. Asmo is still YOUR Asmo. Asmo is the ONLY one, out of everyone, who treats Mc like nothing really changed the moment they met in NB. Its like......Solo and Asmo are not only a package deal, but theyre also a sense of familiarity and comfort in the chaos that is being thrown into the past and being told "you'll be happier here" (also i feel like i have a right to be extremely upset with whomever yeeted MC into the past because ITS MY CHOICE ON WHETHER OR NOT ILL BE HAPPY NOT URS WHY TF DO U GET TO DECIDE IF IM HAPPY OR NOT!? WHAT IF I /WANTED/ LUCI TO KILL ME?! HUH!? LIKE. BITHC. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I FIND KINKY OR NAH STFU >:( its my life how dare you try to tell me whatll make me happy- tho im 100% okay with it if it means i can romance Dia and Barbs within the plot instead of just gathering intimicy points- like.....marry me pls dia i beg of u- pls for the love of the gods make me ur husband- on my hands and knees for u ANYWAYS-) I feel like thats something nobody really pays attention to and like.....understands and acknowledges about NB is that like....everyone else changed EXCEPT Asmo- SORRY IF THIS ISNT LIKE A THIRST OR ANYTHING LEO I JUST THIS HAS BEEN ON MY MIND FOR A WHILE AND I WANTED TO SHARE <3

It's a rlly good point! Asmo is generally very nice to MC even when they're a complete stranger, and it's a bit harder to tell when his affection becomes... deeper? More genuine? Idk how to say it, when he starts caring for them as a person instead of just "cute/interesting new person to play with", but he's still being nice even in that first stage. Beel also behaves like this imo, he's very sweet and opens up to MC pretty quickly (especially when compared to like. Lucifer or Satan)

#asmo.obey me

[r0b0t1me]

"#sorry i can only make snippets of scenes and never elaborate on them#unless someone asked me to. huehue" i am begging. you to elaborate the "train me" sketch on the upper right 🥹 and any jr. hcs you have that u wanna talk abt (but only if u want).... also pls your coloring and expressions are INSANE but this is nothing i havent told u before!!!!!!!!! i just think your sketches have so much story bleeding out of them. its great

so funny thing about the train me one....

some of these are ideas i know ive talked about already, but im pulling a lot from idw where casey copes with fear/anger/insecurity by picking fights and attempting to be a vigilante. leos always the one who portals him out of jail and patches him up but the more i think about it, raph could help in managing his anger or taking it out in a more productive way (duo missions perhaps?), even if he cant unpack the mountain of trauma caseys got on his shoulders

i cant help it that the scene where casey cusses out leo is engraved in my brain forever. the kids a jones, on top of the constant violence in his life, anger feels like something that would come pretty naturally to him in order to cope* (i know he was raised to be a soldier, following orders and keeping a check on his emotions to carry things out, so i feel like the moment he doesnt have to fight a war and keep himself in line for the sake of other people anymore everything just kind of pours out of him) donnie has easily spent 1000$ in new sandbags for the dojo

*not that i think casey is inherently violent or always upset. but i think the kids a bit messed up sometimes from the. yknow the Everything

from riches and wonders by the mountain goats. casey jones, the restless ghost who cant feel at home

actually yknow what lets make this post a mile long who cares. i wanna explore casey hanging out with all the boys. i know i focus a lot on him and leo bc their dynamic is so twisted but i need to draw him hanging with mikey, learning to cope with self expression that he never got the real chance to do in wartime. him being around donnie and the two of them both learning they can support each other while still trying to protect their family in their own way (talking mainly abt casey helping donnie with his tech here, since donnies neurotic as hell abt security after the movie to me). casey getting to know raph in general, a living legend to him. and of course cassandra, something i was too afraid to touch on before but now i think im confident enough to try and tackle at this point

i dont think ill ever get around to writing a whole story but i know eventually casey finds stability. in my mind i see him getting a job where he helps people (something in a medical field, maybe). he has a good relationship with his family, and practically lives with them 75% of the time. leo is the one hes closest to, of course. he travels the world alone after a few years and cries over fleo never getting to see it, but knows that wherever his master is that hes at peace, knowing that at least casey had the chance

i have more to talk about but im running out of steam and im starting to get embarrassingly heartfelt the longer i ramble so um- (EXPLODES)

#asks #and AUUGHG THANK YOU ANDY ToT #i have this problem where im plagued by random ideas that play out like movies in my head #and it would take an infinite amount of time and effort to realize them all #so it bleeds out into walls of sketches like that #like taking screenshots out of them #long post #i mean it

[inari-zaheer]

hello!! i hope you dont mind me sending a request lolol, the infomation is on the wiki, yt and a ton more, but i hope your day is going well, but ill get started anyways..

can you do Vi, Caitlyn and Jinx with a S/O who has the same personality as Ciel fro Black Butler??

thanks in advance!!

Thank you so much for the request and have a great day too!♥️

Vi, Caitlyn and Jinx With Ciel!Reader

Pairings:Vi x Reader; Caitlyn x Reader; Jinx x Reader

—————————————

Vi

My first thought is that you'd be a dangerous couple

Vi wanting to punch anyone that wronged you and you wanting revenge on the same people?

I pray for the poor souls who cross your path lol

You probably met through Caitlyn, maybe on a party at the Kiramman's that Cait had begged Vi to attend

As soon as you started dating Vi you asked her to move in with you, as you were sure you could not handle the life in Zaun

You didn't want to sound like a spoiled brat, but come on, Zaun's enviroment wasn’t great at all

You'd try to teach Vi how to play chess, as to try to make her understand how your mind worked, but girly can't be sat still for more than five minutes

Everytime she even thought about wanting something you already had it planned and in her hands by the end of the day

If she hadn't got the information on Silco, you'd help her with all your might to find him, as after she told you her story all you could think was abolut helping her avenge Vander's death

She'd be the best at comforting you when things were too much, giving the best hugs and the best reassuring words to make you feel better

Caitlyn

I can see the both of you meeting when you were still kids

Your parents where friends with Cait's parents and you'd always play together

Having chess matches where the two of you being extremely competitive could go on for hours on end until you had to go home

She was probably the one who thought you how to shoot, and when you guys were older it became a frequent date plan

Caitlyn's romantic attraction to you probably started when she realized that all the kids who were mean to her at some point got some kind of payback for it

Random injuries in the playground, toys going missing, them randomly crying after you had a talk with them

She felt loved and cared for

As her parents caring a lot for her image and how she shouldn’t down her level for those people, knowing you always had her back no matter what the situation was always made her heart warm

It was almost a competition of gifts in your relationship, each one of you wanting to give each other something bigger but meaningfull everytime

Not being used to comfort from her parents in her life she'd not exactly know what to do at first, but would always say that whatever you needed she'd give you with all her love

Jinx

Your first meeting with Jinx was kinda chaotic

You went to actually have a meeting with Silco about some partnerships with your family in the topside

And she randomly flopped down the ceiling onto the table to say how attractive you were

I can see you bonding through the revenge aspect

You want someone gone? Your lovely girlfriend did it for you

Making plans on ending your enemies in the most gorey way possible is a common date for you

Jinx is someone who needs a lot of comfort daily, so lots of times she’d search for you around town so you could be together

Crashing any meetings that you have in the day and giving the death glare if someone was rude to you

She didn’t get to learn how to play chess when she was a kid, but is a smart and fast learner

(And i can see her exactly like that meme where she’d be wining by eating random pieces of yours when you weren’t looking just to drive you crazy lol)

#arcane x reader #vi x reader #caitlyn x reader #jinx x reader #vi #arcane vi #caitlyn kiramman #arcane caitlyn #jinx #arcane jinx #arcane fanfic

[melshome]

Helloooo idk if u take requestt so feel free to ignore

But i was thinking...

Scaramouche x reader accidental confession (if u ddcide to write it i would beg u not to make it angst or au pls but if ur comfy w writting au or ansgt dont worry about it then)

Also dont worry if u cant take ur time il leait

Dont overwork urself have a good day/night and GO EAT!!

i take requests :) i should probably add that onto my profile-- thank you for the request!! and yes, ill be sure to add no AU and angst ( ´ ▿ ` ) but maybe a little argument... you all have a good week ❤❤❤

cw fluff character scaramouche credits to my best friend, unnie for the confession part

scaramouche, your boss, also known as the Balladeer, assigned you to become his personal assistant

you were quite surprised as there are better people that work for him, to become his personal assistant.

its been 3 months since you started working as his personal assistant, and you've noticed something..

your heart always races when you're around him, and you're a bit more clumsier than you were before

your face always feels hot, and cant seem to get him out of your head when you're sleeping

"it's definintely love [your name].."

you start laughing. first, you thought it was a joke, then you slowly stopped.

"what on earth haypasia.."

you playfully punch her as she leaves, winking at you.

she turns around, and suddenly looks so disappointed

"what was that about?"

you turn around and see scaramouche staring at Haypasia, and then back down at you

you stand up quickly, bowing your head

"she was just making fun of me as a joke"

"what was the joke about?"

you were confused as to why he was asking so many questions, but you could not let him know it was about him..

"nothing much.. haha.."

scaramouche continues to stare at you, before lifting your chin

"next time, do not bow"

his violet eyes stare into your eyes, memorizing you

"y-yes my lord.."

you sigh with relief, as you fall onto the couch

you continue to read from the page you were reading from

"hey.. [your name]..."

you look up to find haypasia, sitting across from you, frowning

"yeah, what is it?"

"i like him as well."

you stare at her, wondering if shes serious

"who?"

"scaramouche."

you take a deep breath, trying not start an argument

"you can't like him... YOU KNOW IVE LIKED HIM LONGER THAN YOU."

and at that moment, the door is pushed open

you both turn around, and find scaramouche, standing there, with just a complete shock on his face

"sca..scaramouche. it's not what it looks like-"

his hand clenches tightly on the door, before pushing it all the way

he walks up to you, and grabs your wrist, and drags you out of the room, leaving haypasia shook

he walks into an empty room, and pins you gently against the wall, putting one arm on the wall

"tell me the truth. i need to the hear the truth. now."

you blush, reddening into the color of the red roses in the garden

your soft, reddening skin, causes him to blush, but curious as well

you look down at his shoes, hesitantly

scaramouche starts to wonder if you're ever going to look at him again, with the love shown in your eyes

when he sees that you're looking down, he takes his left, free hand and lifts your face up, wanting your eyes to meet with his

he gently caresses your cheek, feeling the warmth of it

"was what you said earlier, true?"

you stare at his face, filled with genuine love for you and curiosity

but instead of saying anything, your eyes say it all

i really love you.. please.. say you love me back...

scaramouche leans forward, shortening his height a bit

you close your eyes and let him do everything

his lips feel surprisingly soft, but it was expected.

he takes his lips off from yours after a few seconds, grinning

"so i expect that.. it is true."

you try to hide your smile

"maybe it is.."

#scaramouche genshin #scaramouche headcanons #scaramouche headcanon #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin impact fluff #genshin fluff #genshin impact

[the-ark-awaits]

Hello all you may remember me from such bangers as 'show me the proxies in marble hornets' and 'and another thing'

oday um here to talk about how we've fucking regressed as a fandom since creepypasta and marble hornets on ao3 got. presumably merged as a fandom tags bc sorting for exclude crossovers still shows creepypasta fic. in fact doing that just now to confirm this, the very first fic on the list was creepypasta.

so obviously this is a huge pain in the ass for anyone who wants marble hornets fanfic and only marble hornets fanfic. you cant even remove creepypasta fics with exclude crossover, youd have to do it manually with filtering options not everyone knows how to use. and we shouldnt have to yknow? you should be able to go in your fandom tag on ao3 and find only that fandom and crossovers (which should be easily filtered out by exclude crossovers) same as here on tumblr crosstagging is a huge issue but the worst part of it is that the continuous crosstagging in recent years has caused the fandom tags to be merged (not fully as shown by the fact that the numbers for amount of fic in each tag is different) but enough that they're considered the same universe by ao3 which is. blatantly untrue.

creepypasta is a catchall term for internet short stories made by a community, marble hornets is one single webseries online. fuck the creepypasta fandom wouldnt be what it is without huge swaths of shit stolen from marble hornets (like yknow, the pages, the operator symbol, masky and hoodie) but that doesnt mean they are marble hornets fans that doesnt mean theyre making marble hornets content. that would be like saying that since fnaf and batim are kinda similar and the fans have an overlap that means theyre the same and should be tagged the same. they arent, and shouldnt be yknow?

also apologies this isnt the best post im kinda fried rn and im stuck on mobile

that not withstanding its fucking depressing. this did not used to be an issue. thr only fics tagged with both were generally easy to ignore or a real honest to god crossover, but now i swear you look at the mh tag on ao3 and the majority of the recent fics are crosstagged crp fics with giant tag lists that tack up the whole page and tag anyone who is so much as mentioned

and maybe this is a step too far here. but i really think this is bc of tiktok. the people crosstagging posts and fics seem to be the same type to complain avout the 'ao3/tumblr algorithm' not favoring them. but there is no algorithm, just annoyed fans who have to dig for their actual content because people dont have common decency anymore. theres an etiquette you need to follow for shit like this. like how would you feel if like. i dunno. fucking... genshin (just an example of a large fandom or whatever made a character cameo out of like jeff the killer and suddenly all the crp tags were filled with genshin posts not even related to or barely mentioning the character, just ti try and get more clicks?

youd be pretty fucking annoyed having to scroll past all that to find actual creepypasta content huh?

thats the same issue happening here, and honestly i think its a huge issue. for obvious reasons but also bc its so much harder to find mh content now that im sure its incredibly disheartening to be a creator in the fandom rn and foe the past few years. you work and make content for your rather small fandom and its buried under barely related shit, its gonna feel bad yknow? especially when that content gets more clicks bc. frankly theres more creepypasta fans than mh fans just bc of what creepypasta is format wise. its collectively made shortstories. you can like one or two and bc a crp fan, its not like that for mh

this is going kinda off my starting topic but anyways if theres any ao3 tag wrangles following me or who see this.

please for the love of god i beg of you to do anything you can to unmerge those tags i will do anything ill get receipts proving they're separate things please unmerge the tags im dying here

#marble hornets #ao3 #sorry im still reallt spacey rn cause i was high earlier today and im big adhd at the best of times #so someone with more brainpower than me rn id love some input #ill write a more coherent version lf this when im back home with my laptop after new years

[perfectlyripeclementine]

🦄 anon here,

first off you so so very sweet i appreciate it a lot. ill try to keep everything you said in mind. and yea i miss my ex but i know i deserved someone who was nice to me outside of the bedroom also which wasnt her. i dont know if a lot of dom/top people have had this experience but ive been treated like a sex toy a lot in my relationships. like my feelings matter less just because im masc and "look tough" and im there to please and only please but yea im sure ill find a nice person :D

anyway this is not a fantasy but a memory so please do let me know if u are uncomfortable with me sharing this but my favorite "oh shit i think im a switch" moment was when my ex was away but super horny and wanted to call me. i asked her to say please but she wouldn't and just kept calling me. i refused to pick up but she wouldn't budge which resulted in me just straight up going to bed and ignoring her for 8 hours lol. anyway afterwards she finally broke and begged for it and we called but when i was about to come she told me i am not allowed to until i get her permission. and for some reason that i didnt understand at the time i went with it and i had to basically beg like 4 times until she said yes...so id say we were even after that jdkdmdjd anyway it just became a normal thing for me to ask for permission before cumming. i think she just straight up trained me to be a sub for her lol

hellooo 🦄 you’re very welcome! idk if i’ve heard that from a lot of tops/doms in general, but i’ve definitely heard from masc folks before that they are frustrated with the expectation that they’re just there to fuck. so i’m sorry that’s been your experience, and you’re not alone in feeling that way.

that sounds hot but also it would give me MAD anxiety if a partner i had peaced out for 8 hours while we were sexting. but sounds like it still worked out well! she pulled quite an uno reverse on you, waiting so long to beg for you and then hitting you with that making you ask for permission. i feel like if it was me my brain would be scrambled about it for DAYS afterwards

#ask roo #🦄 anon

[luciusspriggss]

i never understood how people would leave those who are addicted to something. doesnt matter what the relationship is, familial, platonic, romantic, etc., i never understood how someone could "give up" on them.

i have always believed that addiction is a disease and you should help and support those suffering with it. that they have changed because of what they are addicted to, and they arent themselves anymore, so you should do everything to help them find themselves and who they want to be outside of addiction again

but i get it. my ex has changed and become someone who actively chooses to do things that hurt me, and make me feel bad when i tell them what they did hurt my feelings. even if they aren't purposely trying to be hurtful, they arent thinking about how what they say or do will effect me and have consequences

they aren't themselves. i know they are capable of kindness and being a good person and a good partner. i know that whenever they heavily drink they become someone selfish and mean drunk and sober. i know they dont see things clearly anymore.

i've witnessed it before. i chose to be with them and let them figure their shit out. and they did. they started drinking significantly less and were kind and loving to me again.

but i dont think i can do it again. especially when they have a new partner they love and talk about all the time and bring over to sleep on the mattress we bought together. especially when they wont admit that everything they have been doing since they met their new partner, are things i have been begging for them to do with me.

i cant do it anymore. it is killing me. they wont even let me grieve properly! tell me they think it is weird that i go from being okay, confident, and excited to figure myself out to "suddenly" crying in my room. i get im a loud cryer, but im not going to anyone for reassurance or telling them they made me feel that way. im just crying! by myself! my therapist is the one that told me it is completely acceptable for me to be grieving the way i am. especially because im autistic.

i cant do it. i know they arent themselves. i know alcohol turns them into something awful and i am the target for their meanness. their dad was the same way with his ex-wife. like i get it. they need help. a lot of help.

i dont even point out their alcoholism too much, i try to let them figure it out on their own again. i just cant take it anymore. i cant do this anymore. i dont want to be treated this way anymore. i dont want the love i still have for them to be poisoned by their addiction.

i am so done. they need help. i am the clear target for their hate and awfulness. my former roommate pointed out the way they have treated me for the past month and a half seems abusive. and i dont even know what to think of that.

i cant be their target anymore. they need to figure their shit out. maybe ill message one of their sisters to try to see if they can help, but i dont know if i would be overstepping for that.

i deserve to heal from everything without also having to try and be understanding that the way they are treating me is because of their addiction.

they have grabbed me (a couple times) by my arm in a very aggressive way while drunk. they tried to rape me while drunk. they have punched the wall while drunk and angry at me. they have said some truly malicious shit to me while drunk. they get angry at me because im not expressing my emotions however way they expect me to when they are drunk. they have done so much shit to me while drunk. and i forgave them, even when they would deny it ever happened

when we were still together, they would always try to have sex with me, only when they were drunk, despite the numerous times i have told them that i am not comfortable having sex with someone who is drunk when i am sober. and they know i feel this way intensely because of the "friend" i had that raped me while i was drunk.

aahhhugggggsjsjskahagskakah

i dont know what to do. i dont know how to help them anymore. i dont know how to be there for them anymore. i dont know how to support them anymore. at least i dont know how to do all of that, and protect my mental sanity at the same time.

i just want them to be themselves again. i dont want to be with them anymore. i just miss them. they dont realize im not just grieving the relationship, im grieving them and who they used to be.

#maybe this is who they are now #maybe they are actively choosing to be this person #and i will be their only target and everyone else will get the love and support from them #maybe im the scapegoat #maybe they need someone to blame for how shitty they feel and they are choosing me #and punishing me for it #i dunno #this happens to me #a lot #people change or become who they always were #are kind and generous and thoughtful to others but actively choose to treat me like garbage #and somehow it is always my fault #im done #i dont want this #im tired of being the scapegoat #its not my fault #its theirs #i always take accountability for my mistakes and grow and become better for them #and never make the same mistake twice #i get im annoying to be with because. as my first ex liked to put it #'you are too good. nice. and kind. you make me feel like shit for not being as good as you' #'you need to stop being so kind and understanding ' #i dont fucking get it!!! #why is it so wrong to try to always grow and help people #gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah #i dont ever use all that i do for them against them #i do it because i want to and i love them #i feel like im going crazy #am i the bad person? am i in the wrong? #i dont know anymore. i just want to heal. better myself. and uplift those around me and try to see the good in things

[ankhisms]

just some venting & thinking about things in general under the cut ill be ok im just having one of those days u kno

recently talked to my dear friend who lives in chicago about how things are going & we were talking about him trying to raise enough/earn enough money to get his lovely amazing fiance a computer thatll be good for doing illustration work and anyway the point of me mentioning this is that i told him "yeah im unemployed right now" and i keep coming back to that phrase because it just feels... weird and incorrect despite yeah, i dont have a job right now, so that makes me unemployed. but ive been thinking a lot about my physical and mental health problems especially after how awful my last job was and how much i just felt completely and utterly unable to handle it or pass myself off as a ~normal person able to function normally~ no matter how much i tried. lately i wonder if the combo of my chronic pain/other physical illness problems and my various mental things makes it almost impossible for me to find and hold down a job that also isnt miserable for me yknow. as far as mental health goes my long term job at the flower farm was good because i didnt have to do customer service and my coworkers aside from one were very understanding of my audio processing issues and would explain things or help me until i was able to do things right and that was great. but on the flip side that job was so physically demanding that it literally broke my back and now i dont know if im even physically able to really do a job that i got my associates degree in horticulture for! like i dont think im physically capable of working on a farm anymore and i dont know how physically demanding greenhouse jobs would be in comparison but i also know that those are tough competition.

ive been hoping that there would be an opening at the library i volunteer at which i could maybe get but at this point im kind of giving up on that option because theres almost never any openings and when there are its like librarian students from the nearby uni get preference which makes sense. like two days ago i checked indeed for my area and saw that the humane society that i used to volunteer at has two different job openings so im going to work on applying for those but im also really filled with doubt because of how physically demanding the description of the job sounds. i am very good with taking care of animals and cleaning which is a lot of what the job would be but idk i just am worried that i just am unable to hold down a job like i said before.

also just feeling very discouraged and disheartened lately i just have so little faith in myself and am constantly doubting myself and feel like giving up on everything. last night i had really awful trauma nightmares which isnt unusual i have a lot of nightmares but the ones last night really shook me up because it was all these people from the past and the present including my parents my abuser and people i love like humiliating me and yelling at me about how nothing i did or created was any good and that its all trash and embarrassing and that i just need to give up and that wanting to be an actor is just a fairy tale dream that isnt possible and stuff with my parents throwing things at me and just very stressful. and idk i do feel like giving up a lot lately im always begging the universe for some kind of sign of what im supposed to do or some kind of help from the universe but instead i just get nightmares of people telling me to give up. but i wont ill keep trying even if its hard

anyway thanks if you read all this. love you and hope yoyr days going well

[finnig3n]

Growing up queer in the Balkans

Growing up and being aware that you are different in a way that, at the time, it seemed nobody else was, was insanely hard and fucking scary.

Realising you were something other than straight was so insanely terrifying that words couldn't describe how devastated i was. I spent my early years begging any god ,that maybe, just maybe could exist in this wast fucking universe to make me normal. Because I was never good enough, never normal enough, never just enough for anyone.

Realising i had a huge ass crush on one of my classmates was so heartbreaking. I pretended for so long that i liked the same popular boys everybody else did, but even then i was maid fun of for that.

I dont know what was worse for me , to be honest, the realisation and comming out to myself as a bisexual and a nonbinary person and finaly having the courage to put labels on how i was feeling , or my family , my parents, my grandparents finding out i wanted to look like a boy and kiss girls.

I knew i couldnt tell them, every fucking scenario i played out ended with me either gettting beaten to death or beaten and kicked out.

I planned my escape routs, i had a go bag that I maid for a , just in case they somehow finde out.

It was terrefing and scary and so fucking stress induing that I kept thinking im better off dead then being openly gay.

I never told anyone and it was eating me up inside. It felt like a huge part of me was just slowly dying from the lack of exposure, I felt i was dying.

Finally i had the courage after meeting a friend of mine who was also semi openly gay, to come out as bisexual.

I thought , ok i will just say im bi and the nonbinary trans thing im not gonna mention because what if they dont accept me.

Even now that i came out , and showed people who i actually am, i still feel reserved, and like i have to hide it a lot . Because Bosna is not a forgiving or an accepting place.

I came out in a bathroom of a psych word at 3 am to my mum, absolutely broken and fucked, because trying to explain to my parents that i was severely mentally ill was like trying to tell a fish that if they just try hard enough it can grow legs.

Suffice to say i had a huge mental breakdown and, i will spear you from the gorry details , lets just say it wasnt fun. I knew that this was my only shot at coming out to my parents, they werent there to hit me , i had the cover of a phone, i wasnt at home, and if it all went to shit there was a social worker who could help me get back on my feet.

I know, however stupid and sad and depressing it is going to sound, that my parents only accepted me because they thought i was going to kill myself. And i know that they love to deny it.

Even now they spew so much homophobic shit my way that i dont know how i can stay in the same room as them without crying my eyes out. I guess i just got used to it, even tho it still hurts like a mother fucker.

I mett so many lgbtq people in my country, and the first time i saw and mett a trans person who spoke my language and lived in the same streets and went to the same koffee shops as me, i wanted to cry out of happiness.

I wasn't alone, for the first fucking time, I wasn't alone. We talked about binding and testosterone and how to feel less disphoric, it was the first time THAT part of my life was understood by someone who was also trans.

I love my friends i really do, without them, i wouldn't be here, they are my found family, but they will never understand the trans part of me.

The discomfort and wanting to cut your body parts so you can look yourself in the mirror.

So i guess I'm writing this for that one person who lives in a country where it's absolutely fucked to be any sort of gay. Who, like me felt alone. This probably didn't make a lot of sense but it was just a brain dump so forgive me.

Have a nice day lovely humans. and sorry for the misspellings im disleksisk

Finn xoxo

#brain dump #lgbtq community #lgbtq #balkan #oh fuck i hate this #i dont know how to tagg #its 1 30 am and i cant sleep #so i wrote this #bc idk