#i literally need a mental health day

[cobaltfluff]

a meme because i am delusional

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #spoilers #tbh i wouldnt mind if this is how it ends for him #but i have a feeling (delusion) that it might not be? #i feel like if it was then we'd have the close up full view on the final page #ALSO the fact that one of the bloodstains makes it seem like he's smirking??? #and the fact that one of the narration bubbles covers his upper half?? #guys im literally delusional af #i believe in the character writing gege sensei #the fuckin standing mirroring toji's #but also remembering the fact that he didnt go for the head yanno #also the lotuses and oh my god can he please avenge his beloved #maybe this is the character arc we need #ditch the pure power and believe in the power of love #IM DELUSIONAL OK GUYS DONT TALK ME #when i accidentally saw the spoiler leak ffs i was at work in the office #and i literally tried so hard to not cry #i was that close to losing it #i literally need a mental health day #also the fact of the double whammy of the anime sealing in the same week #i am so done #gojo this gojo that i just want megumi to wake the fuck upppp

[skunkes]

i may be stupid

#(but im not sure) #a doodley #i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication. #first of all like ive said i dont think i need them #im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together. #i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is. #i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws #second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects #idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me #since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment #i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are #im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness #im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too #so its not that...! its personality. its laziness #its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts #with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all

[whump-queen]

begging someone to hold a gun to my head so my brain will finally make me do my dishes, laundry, vacuuming, job applications, emails, messages,, just to get anything done at all without constantly wanting to die

#executive dysfunction is a fucking hellscape and I want out I want out I wantoutoutout #fuck my liiifee #seriously the threat of imminent immediate danger is the only way I can do fucking anything #executive dysfunction #the kind that makes me wanna BANG MY HEAD INTO THE NEAREST HARD SURFACE UNTIL I CANT SEE ANYMORE #death sounds preferable !!!!!!!!! #all those bullshit articles written by nt ppl like ‘MAKE A LIST!!1!1 BREAK DOWN UR TASKS!!!1!’ #THANKS BRENDA BUT ID RATHER PLUCK MY EYELASHES OUT ONE BY ONE #I literally gave my coworker $100 in cash the other day and said #’if I don’t have that report for u by tomorrow you get to KEEP THE $100.’ #because I COULD NOT DO IT OTHERWISE ID BEEN RIPPING MY HAIR OUT FOR WEEKS OVER THAT ONE THING #if u have exec dysfunction and have any tips for me other than putting myself in danger like - pls help ohmygod #legit a cry for help I don’t know what anyone would do but like #god damn a button that lets someone shock me remotely if I don’t do the shit i’m #supposed to do #I ACTUALLY NEED THAT IT WOULD SAVE MY LIFE HHAA #tw mental health #tw suicidality #adhd #tw implied suicidal tendencies #vent #personal

[chryblossomjjk]

taking steps to get on antidepressants tomorrow besties 🤧

#im scared fr bc i know some side effects are like #making your mental health even worse and like oof cannot deal with that right now but #but like it’s worth a shot #also literally fuck anyone who says meds are the /easy way out/ #like most of us live with mental health issues for YEARS before we seek any type of treatment #like ive felt this way damn near my whole life #just as of recently it’s been literal rock bottom where it’s like a last ditch effort #and i feel like that’s the case for most of us?? #idk #but yeah literally fuck the stigma around medication #you deserve help #and you deserve to not feel miserable every day of your life #also like you don’t have to reach a certain level of bad or ill to seek help #if you feel like you need it pls pursue it #you deserve to be happy

[iero]

Had a panic attack that literally woke me up in the middle of the night last night and lasted until the early morning and let me tell you, that shit is TERRIFYING. Needless to say, I think I'm ready to go back to work.

#personal #Am I still in pain? Yes. Is it controllable when painkillers are taken though? Also yes. Somewhat. #Breaking news! #Girlie who doesn't have their mental health under control feels 100x worse being holed up in the place they live alone under for FOUR days #I literally have not left my house since my surgery on Wednesday morning... #And then I'm wondering why my anxiety/panic attacks have been God awful these four days... Gee I wonder why! #Like I don't wanna go back to work because capitalism but I need to for like... A distraction. #My thoughts have been racing and I'm just begging for people to talk to me in my personal life to calm my anxiety down. #It feels debilitating at this point. It's literally taken over my life. #And I have my anxiety meds but I only just got them so I have to wait that 1-3 weeks for them to actually 'kick in.' #I really should have asked my new GP for the tiniest amount of benzos to get me through this recovery. #And I don't even have a follow-up appt. for my recovery but I am gonna call them on Mon. and ask for one for my own peace of mind. #I've called this office three times now over the course of three days to make sure what I'm feeling is 'normal.' #Anyway!!!

[quirkle2]

hey if u have stretch marks ur rly cool and i love u

#qktalks #had a Moment earlier when i discovered stretch marks on me #and my very first thought was ''omg i need to lose weight'' #girl no u don't ur literally so skinny #and even if u weren't . u don't need to lose weight. dumbass #society when it successfully brainwashes me #anyway yeah if u have stretch marks it just means u have sick fuckin stripes on u and ur cooler than everybody #having a shitty mental health day but i have cool stripes so

[miodiodavinci]

good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)

bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)

worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁

#please please please for the love of god ; ; ; #i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ; #this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ; #i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid #and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate #i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm #i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ; #we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants #and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'(' #so the agreement was she could stay for One Week #and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then. #like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house. #with new excuses every time. #and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them #so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick #(and decided to come over anyway) #i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ; #i feel like crying ; ; ; #i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week #i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks #and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ; #a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ; #i'm already behind ; ; ; #i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;

[wurm-food]

ok returning to my cave of solitude now ✌️ kiss kiss

#wurm.txt #ngl my mental health has been very shitty recently #and sometimes I come on here and just yell into my personal echo chamber until I feel and believe all the worst things about myself #I have today off work so I’m just fucking off for the day #I’m very excited for my vacation soon too cause I need it…. #anyway idk why I felt the need to explain literally nothing. I love you all I’ll probably be back tomorrow honestly 💕

[chemblrish]

x

#ngl my mental health has been garbage lately #can the ex overachiever ever know peace? #im starting to think the answer is no #years of therapy and nothing has changed #this whole thing is so painful to me the only way i can bring it up irl is through jokes #i don't live in the us we don't have this gifted program stuff here #but i was so brilliant so excellent absolutely perfect #being mediocre now is like having my heart ripped out of my chest every single day #watching people do better than me has me on the verge of losing my mind #i know it has to sound whiny and ridiculous to people who never experienced this #but success was all i ever had #successful was all i ever was #and now i have nothing and i am no one #years of being used by teachers only to end up spat out by the education system #all this pain for nothing #my therapist used to say im quite literally grieving #how long is this supposed to last? #how long until i stop feeling so worthless and miserable? #im so sick of being like this but nothing ever changes #ill probably delete this later but i needed to vent first

[brainrotdotorg]

my brain is fried i need to go outside

#turns out that being alone in your room for five days straight isnt good for your mental health #i need to feel the sun on my skin or soemthing #but i think i also need adderall. #like. bad. #i cant focus on fucking anything and its really really bad and im just now noticing #i tried to read a book i cant read a book #i tried to scroll i can barely even focus on whats on my screen #watch a video watch a movie draw i cant do any of it #but time keeps passing so fast . it was noon the last time i looked at the clock #its kind of scary. i feel like im losing time. #really really sure i have adhd but i am literally not able to do anything about it #so. fucked!

[roadimusprime]

trying not to believe they turnt the Internet off before they left for work. 😒

#Absolutely something my dad's wife would demand. #Keep in mind this is the same woman who took away my laptop in highschool after I missed one work assignment. #Whatever. I am using 4G. #I noticed it was off before they left and then I woke up to see I had a text from my dad telling me the Internet is off at 6 am. #Y'all I could literally just use my phone (as I am now) or play the sims 2 all day or read or #Like. It's not the Internet that kept me from going to work #Or kept me awake for to long that made me ''tired'' (I even got the correct amount of sleep) #My mental health is just shit. #And yes I already planned on going to work today. #So it's not like I was going to stay home to begin with? #When I call out it is for a day. #And yeah. I already called out earlier this month after Covid #But that's cause I was still feeling the effects of Covid. #Do cameras need a wifi connection? #If so. Maybe one of them went to check the cameras #And they actually didn't turn the wi-fi off at all. #Loon.txt

[silenthillbunni]

🖤👻🏰🩹

#sooooo i really can't stand living like this any longer. i'm going more and more insane each day and im losing hope and the will to live #i hate every single aspect of my life. and that's not just bc im negative or whatever. it's bc i have mental + physical health issues #i have chronic pain. i constantly keep having new health issues. headaches. muscle tensions. racing heart. heavy body and constantly tired #i dont sleep. i sleep 2 hours then wake up. sleep 2 more. repeat. my sisters havent talked to me this entire year. i have no friends #im poor and one by one all my things stops working and i cant afford to get new ones. i cant afford dental care. i have AWFUL posture #spend my whole life in my bed and my soul dies and rots day by day #ok i went on an unintended tangent. point is i have nothing in my life that works or is good. maybe a couple of things but thats not enough #i hate myself sm for being pathetic useless worthless stupid incapabable incompetent lazy avoidant #i cant keep going like this!!! i cant stand it + my mom is talking abt moving (w one of my sisters) so i literally cant keep being like this #my mom's tired of me and tells me to become independent. i hate myself for being 24 and still being a fkn child. but it scares me bc idk #how to be an adult???? i love my mom but she never really taught me how. and i had to be old when i was a kid so now im just stuck #this got too long guess i just needed to vent abt this >.<

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

#purrs #delete later #covid19 #i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill / #immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in #any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy #for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the #throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more) #disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in #ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and #healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to #school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist #anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to #access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i #HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i #need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have #that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way #it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator. #* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear #for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in #part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I #think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.

[fredthedemonpartner]

Is it perhaps slightly dramatic to compare the experience of executive dysfunction to the experience of being in a saw trap? Probably. But it’s also the best metaphor I can think of for the intensity by which my brain does not want to do certain things. Writing an email? Every word is a fishhook I need to remove from my skin in order to get out before the timer goes off, and brother that camera is gonna have to circle a couple times before I’m liable to start pulling. Sobbing and screaming but I’m literally just trying to answer a prompt that’s unintuitive and overly detailed about something I physically cannot care less about. Like I want to be done with it all more than anything but my brain is convinced I will not make it out of this with all of my fingers intact.

#maybe I am more dysregulated than I thought 😬 #trying to gaslight myself that yesterday was just extra bad and I’ll finally get it done tomorrow #as if I’m not just as exhausted and dysregulated as any other day #mental health #executive dysfunction #actually audhd #tw self harm #sawposting #literally inches away from getting my diploma and I’m trying to bribe myself to finish #maybe I just need to create a Rube Goldberg machine that’ll chop off my toes if I don’t finish quick enough or something

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

what should i get really into posting about in december to alienate the Way Too Many Fucking New People who are here as a result of a one (1) sentence post making a joke about a TV show i've never seen. should i start talking about my animorphs feelings again. should i do as i've been meaning to do actually for years and rewatch gundam wing

#'six billion angry posts about literacy pedagogy discourse' would also probably do it #but like for my mental health i literally have to stop being so mad about ed stuff all the time like it cannot be good for me #i also am genuinely meaning to do a magicians rewatch through 4.11 one of these days #(team 4.11 is good truthers stand up!!!!) #but i feel like i need to do that at a time when my life is less crowded with Tasks #i need spiritual Space bc as i learned the last time i attempted this #i cannot watch jason ralph as quentin for even 5 seconds and remain anywhere close to normal about it #like despite the fact that (1) i have watched it. twice. and (2) it is Dumb As Fucking Hell #it cannot be a background show for me because i am still Insane

[ontargetmadders]

It's been 4 days since it ended now but i'm still emotional about saturday night takeaway ending and I just can't get over it yet... and one thing that I can't stop thinking about is how every time they started the show they always welcomed us by saying welcome to YOUR saturday night takeaway even tho their names are literally in the show's title. And honestly the show really was a massive comfort for me at times. There were countless times I'd had a shitty day/week and just watching it on a saturday night lifted my mood so much and made me forget about my problems for 90 minutes. It was just something always guaranteed to put a smile on my face and make me laugh no matter how bad things were. So I'm just a bit heart broken that I may never get that feeling again when i need it 😔💔

#also i remeber reading a comment about it on social media one day #and it said the show is literally just two best friends having fun and sharing it with us #and honestly i think that's the perfect way to describe the show #and i loved when the boys said it's the kind of show they enjoyed watching growing up #cause they are literally just doing their best to entertain and make us all happy #which is why i can feel a little selfish for wanting them to continue the show when they clearly need the break #and then that also reminds of the time ant went through his personal problems #a lot of people weren't very sympathetic towards him and yes he made a big mistake #but i was always supportive because i believe in 2nd chances #and especially when it involves mental health which is something i've always struggled with most of my life #so i saw it as a way to return the favour for the all the times ant (and dec of course) have made the world a little brighter for me #anyway i'm going on a lot here #but i need to say all this to express just how much i love them and to process the fact that a show #that has given me so much joy could be over forever #ant and dec #saturday night takeaway