#i miss those weasels i hope theyre doing okay | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dontshouta · 4 years

Note

heeey! can i request bakugo, izuku, shoto and shinsou with an s/o that is a bad influence for them (they manipulate the boys to skip classes, make them jealous/angry just for fun, etc) and then someone or something makes them snap and realize that their s/o is not good? i really like ur writing and really liked this idea but it's ok if you dont feel like doing them

this request made me 🥺 why must u make me write these dumb boys bad 😔 theyre doing their best okay. also i know u didn’t make this exclusively reader x bnha but like. I wanted a happy ending okay.

Bakugou Katsuki:

You were sat in your usual seat in the back of the class, your eyes lazily sweeping over the heads of your peers. Professor Yamada was droning on about some grammatically incorrect sentences in the background of your own thoughts, your mind elsewhere while you drew incoherent doodles in the margins of your notes.

English was your last class for the day, the clock ticking ever so slowly while you thought of any last minute plans you could make with your friends. You thought you could go to the mall with Mina, you needed a new pair of shoes and you knew she wouldn’t do you wrong. Or, you could hang out at Sero and Kaminari’s place, you’ve been meaning to bum out and have a movie night with those two. Or maybe, you could grab some lunch with Bakug-

Where the hell was Bakugou?

Your eyes jumped to stare into his empty desk, burning imaginary holes into the seat while searching through your mind’s eye to figure out why on Earth he would be gone. Bakugou never missed a day of class, so why now? Did he catch a cold? Does he have a dentist’s appointment? Was he abducted by aliens? Did he get hit by a-

Suddenly, the classroom door swung open and in came the culprit. Along with a demon clinging onto his arm. You rolled your eyes, a sigh escaping through your lips as you watched the two make their way to their respective seats. Of course she was the reason why he was late.

“Ahh, sorry professor!” She cooed, mock saluting poor Professor Yamada. “Didn’t realize we were so late, right Katsuki?”

You knew the rat was lying through her teeth. You knew she would rather die than come into class early like a normal student. You glared seething hatred into the back of her head, watching as her hand stayed glued to Bakugou’s arm, even as they sat in their seats.

Bakugou merely grunted in response, his eyes downcast while he settled in. You wanted to get up and pull him by the ear out of the classroom and give that dumb boy a stern talking to but you had at least some restraint. You studied the boy’s face closely, and you felt your heart sink. You couldn’t remember the last time you saw him look so… anguished. His expression was so openly conflicted you couldn’t help the feeling of dejection filling your tight chest.

After class, you launched yourself to Bakugou before his demon of a girlfriend could sink her claws into him first and hightailed it out of the classroom without a trace.

“Y/N- what- where the fuck are you taking me!” He growled, trying to shake himself from you.

“We need to have a little chit-chat Bakugou.” You started, rounding a corner into a little nook where you and Bakugou could talk without any disturbances. “I saw your face, I know you’re not happy with what happened today. What’s going on?”

Bakugou was quiet for a moment, emotions flickering through his face until he finally broke the silence with a deep sigh.

“This isn’t the first time this sort of thing happened… She keeps forcing me to skip my classes and shit and I don’t know why but I just can’t fucking say no. What the fuck is up with that? Since when have I ever been a damn toy for some girl? This shit’s been really pissing me off but I haven’t done jack shit about it!”

You could see the anger coursing through his body as he restrained himself from probably yeeting you into space. You felt angry. Angry because you didn’t notice his inner turmoil earlier and even angrier because of the person doing this. Didn’t she care for Bakugou at all? What a shitty girlfriend. You wouldn’t treat him like this.

“Bakugou,” You placed a comforting hand on his bicep, squeezing the hard muscle tightly to show your support. “I think you should break up with her. I’ve never had a good feeling about her in the first place and I hate seeing you so miserable because of some obnoxious brat.”

He reached up to squeeze your hand back before removing it entirely from his arm with a heavy sigh.

“Thanks, Y/N.. Even though you’re always in my fuckin’ business I appreciate you knocking some damn sense into my head.”

You gave him a bright smile. “Of course! I’d hate to see my favorite rat in distress!” You puffed your chest out with pride. “Now you owe me, how about taking me out on a date once your free from the devil’s clutches?”

With a roll of his eyes he ruffled your hair, a smirk playing on his lips while he abandoned your super secret hiding spot. Hands shoved into his jeans pockets, he looked over his shoulder, a cocky look in his eyes.

“I knew you only wanted me to break up with her just so you could get a shot at me. You’re playing a dangerous game, Y/N.”

A furious blush erupted onto your cheeks as you wildly yelled at the boy. The only response he so graciously gave you was a wink and a chuckle, causing your shouts behind him to grow tenfold.

You were left with red cheeks and a shy smile as you watched Bakugou escape your sight. You just hoped the stupid boy would actually break up with the witch or you feared you’d meddle again and do it yourself.

Midoriya Izuku:

Click. Click. Click. Click. ClickClickClickClickClickClickClickClick-

“Okay, Mido, I’m taking that from you.” You snatched the boy’s pen from his hand before he could protest and shoved it into your jacket pocket. His face flushed as he muttered incoherent excuses under his breath, the mess of hair on top of his head bobbing while he jittered in his seat.

You’d hoped you could have a relaxing study session with Midoriya in the local coffee shop but the poor boy had been fidgeting ever since the pair of you entered the establishment.

“Mido, what’s wrong? You’re more spazzy than usual.”

You watched as he rolled his bottom lip in between his teeth while staring at something behind you, causing a large sigh to escape from your lips.

“Dude, are you zoning out again? I asked you a ques-” Just as you started talking you turned to see what he was staring at, as soon as your eyes landed on the scene behind you you whipped right back around with wide eyes.

“Yo, isn’t that your boyfriend??” Your eyes were wide with concern, your body frantically forcing itself in front of Midoriya’s line of sight. “Mido, he’s all over that guy, did you guys break up or something?”

You wanted nothing more than to launch yourself from your seat to beat the other boy up but you held yourself back to hear out your friend instead.

Midoriya raked both of his hands through his hair, mumbling as he did so. He slumped back into his chair in defeat, his face scrunching up in both anger and betrayal.

“Haha.. no, Y/N. Um, he’s-he’s been doing this for a while actually haha.. At first it was kinda cute I guess but now I’m not sure if he even likes me anymore. I don’t like being jealous, Y/N.. I don’t even feel like it’s worth the hassle anymore..”

Your heart broke for him, watching him struggle with his emotions right in front of you. You stole a quick peek behind you again, your eyes meeting the flirting boy’s briefly. His eyebrow cocked up, almost making you jump out of your seat to defend your friend. You felt the need to fight a bitch growing now more than ever.

“Dude what the hell, he’s doing it on purpose?? What’s his deal? Is he so insecure in your relationship that he has to openly flirt with someone else? Mido, you don’t deserve that.” You took his hand in yours as you watched tears well up in his angry eyes. A watery laugh bubbled out from his as a sneaky tear slipped down his cheek.

“Y/N I feel so stupid right now! I can’t even muster up the courage to tell him off-”

A hand wrapped tightly around your arm and ripped it away from Midoriya, you winced in pain as it was suddenly ripped in the wrong direction.

“Yo, what the fu-”

“Get your hands off him, freak. He’s my boyfriend, remember?”

Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. You stood, your body silently fuming as his words hit your ears. Your arm slightly aching at the socket, adding fuel to the already blazing fire. Who the fuck does this man think he is? You made a mental note to have Todoroki melt your arm off later.

“You’re one to talk! You’ve been all over that guy the entire time we’ve been here! And Mido’s been telling me this isn’t the first time this has happened. You have no right to come up to me, physically injure me, and tell me that I can’t comfort my hurting friend over some douchebag like you. Frankly, I’m fucking disgusted that you had the balls to pull that shit with me.”

Midoriya stood too, his chair screeching as it was pushed back with force. He planted himself between the two of you, a fiery look in his eye as he jutted his chin out to address his “boyfriend”.

“You can play with my heart all you want. You can keep making me skip my classes. You can keep pressuring me to do stuff I don’t want to. You can keep making me jealous. You can keep flirting with other guys. But you, hurting one of my best friends, crosses the line. You need to go. Don’t bother trying to contact me, as of now, you’re nothing to me.”

Before the weasel can so much as object, Midoriya gathered everything from your abandoned table, took your hand, and rushed out of the coffee shop.

The two of you walked in silence for a couple of blocks, Midoriya’s hand still gripping yours like his life depended on it. Causing your cheeks to flush and your heart to accelerate even more than it already has.

“M-Midoriya, I think we’re good.. now”

The boy suddenly stopped, causing you to crash into his back. A small ow sounded from you, your hand rubbing your nose while you silently cursed the literal brick house in front of you. How could a sweet, innocent guy like Midoriya be so fuckin’ stacked?

“Y/N.. thank you for sticking up for me back there.. I know I wouldn’t have had the confidence to tell him off if you weren’t there to do it first.”

“It was no problem, Mido! What’re friends for?”

“Haha yeah.. Friends..”

Todoroki Shouto:

It was around 3 AM. Honestly, you weren’t really sure what time it was exactly but what you were sure of was the fact that it was way past your bedtime. You wanted nothing more than to collapse onto your bed without a second thought but you couldn’t ignore your growling stomach. So, you were posted in front of the microwave like a soldier guarding a princess, waiting for your good ‘ol cuppa mac n cheese to finish.

You heard the front door to the dorms open and shut, two pairs of wobbly footsteps entering with angry shushes accompanying them. You moved from your position, making your way out of the kitchen and towards the two people trying, and failing, to keep quiet.

“Todoroki? What’re you doing here so late? Shouldn’t you be in-”

The other person shushed you, eyebrows set in a tired frown as they clung to Todoroki desperately. Something was off.

“What the fuck’re you so loud for? Shove off why don’t you? It’s none of your business.”

You were shocked to the point where you couldn’t get a clever retort in even if you tried. Which pained you. But, you couldn’t leave it at that. You would’ve loved to pretend like you didn’t see them, but you couldn’t ignore Todoroki’s look of displeasure on his usually calm, beautiful face.

“Dude, as much as I would like to ignore you for the rest of my life, I can’t just let you drag around Todoroki like that. Can’t you tell he’s uncomfortable?”

They just rolled their eyes, hands tightening on Todoroki’s shirt possessively. You felt your own hands ball into fists, your patience thinning in the company of the little troll.

“Like I said, it’s none of your business.” Their response rewarded a scoff from you, you refused to let them get away with whatever they were trying to do. It didn’t seem right, not one bit.

“Um. But it is my business. Todoroki’s my friend and I’m not gonna leave you alone until you leave him alone.”

“Ha!” They barked, hand fluttering onto their chest haughtily. “You think he’d rather be with you? What, you confused or something? He’s dating me, smartass. Not you.”

“Actually, I’d much rather be with Y/N right now.. If you don’t mind.” Todoroki’s speech was slightly slurred as he spoke, his eyes barely following your movements as he slumped over.

His date physically recoiled, an incredulous look painting their already angry features as they pushed the drunk boy onto you without any care.

“Fine, like I care. When you come to your fucking senses, I’ll be in my room.”

With a huff, they were gone. You were left with the barely sober man who slowly wrapped his arms around you, using you as his support while the two of you stood without a word.

A million thoughts were racing through your mind as you assessed the situation. Todoroki and his date came super late into the dorms, drunk. His date tried to get him up into one of their respective rooms, together. The thought made your skin crawl, hoping the events that would’ve transpired were more innocent than you thought.

Todoroki shifted in your arm, his face nuzzling into your neck with his hot breath fanning against your cool skin.

“Um- uhh, Todoroki? Do you want me to take you to your room? You should sleep, it’s super late.”

The boy hummed, his face burrowing deeper into your neck, making a surprised squeal erupt from your lips while goosebumps exploded onto your skin. You felt hot, your whole body burning from the sudden affection.

“No.. I’d rather be right. Here.” The boy said it with such finality you wondered if he’d sobered up right then and there. You wished he did though, he was getting heavier and heavier in your arms. You would be surprised if the two of you didn’t collapse onto the floor.

“Todo, you’re drunk, please lemme take you upstairs.”

He let out a small whine, his hands wrapping around you tighter. He shook his head no while still buried in your neck, tickling you and causing you to giggle. Oh man, he was going to be the death of you. With a defeated sigh, you ran your fingers through his hair to try and appease the drunk brat latched onto you.

“I like you better than them, Y/N. You’re nice to me and don’t make me go out clubbing every night.”

Your heart raced, the hand in his hair stopping its ministrations to process the words that had just came out of your drunk companion. This was a usual thing, wasn’t it? The poor boy must always be tired. Come to think of it, there has been some uncharacteristic dark circles under his eyes lately. You wanted to sleep with him every night to make sure he was getting a good night’s sleep.

“Todo, if you don’t like them, break up with them. It’s that simple.”

He moved his face from it’s spot in your neck and rested his chin on your sternum, mismatched eyes staring into yours earnestly.

“If I do, can I be with you instead?”

Shinsou Hitoshi:

You knew you were being creepy. You could feel it in your bones. The creep factor was up by 50% with the way you were slinking around in the library. You couldn’t help it though, you knew something was up as soon as you saw them walk in.

You watched with narrowed eyes as Shinsou and his girlfriend walked through the library. Shinsou looked as passive as always, but you knew him better than that. You could practically feel the discomfort coming off him in waves.

You wanted to confront them but something was stopping you. You knew you couldn’t just come up to the two and start accusing his girlfriend of something you don’t know anything about. You didn’t want to make a scene. Yet. So, like the nosy bitch you were, you decided to snoop.

“Hitoshi, just use your quirk, yeah? Do it for me? Please?” The way she pranced around him and hung onto his arm for dear life made you want to gag. But you were more concerned about her trying to coerce Shinsou to use his quirk.

For what? What was she trying to accomplish? Did she want something from someone? Why were they in the library? What was the point of all this?

“You know I’m not comfortable with using my quirk for things like that, so why do you keep asking?”

“Well, you’re my boyfriend, shouldn’t you make an exception for me? It’s not like you’ve denied me before.”

You furrowed your brow. She’s been making him use his quirk without his full consent? Why would he let her do that? You found the whole thing to be completely and utterly. Whack. You really didn’t understand what was happening so you continued your snooping adventure.

“Yeah, well, I just don’t wanna do it anymore. Like, you keep making me use my quirk for villainous shit. You do realize I’m trying to prove to everyone that it could be used for heroing too, right? You’re my girlfriend, shouldn't you understand?”

Hearing him use her own words against her made your chest swell with pride. Fuck yeah, Shinsou baby, tell that bitch what’s up. But then you felt it sink right back down after processing his words. She’s been making him use his quirk, with dubious consent, for villainous activities? That’s more than whack. She’s in a school for heroes for crying out loud, surely she’d know better than that?

“Hitoshi, it’s all just a little bit of fun! We’re not hurting anybody, and nobody knows its us! it’s a win-win if I do say so myself.”

At this point, you couldn’t keep yourself concealed, you had to give her a piece of your mind. You sprang from your hiding spot and rushed towards the two, an accusing finger pointing right at the little gremlin woman who claimed to be Shinou’s lovely girlfriend.

“Listen up ya little wench, I think you’re gross for trying to use my buddy Shinsou for your little games! How could you do that? Shinsou’s such a genuine person trying to be a hero and here you are ruining it for him! You make me sick!”

She all but huffed before stomping away, flipping you off behind her back and motioning between her and Shinsou before making a heart and breaking it.

“Did she just break up with me?”

His casual nonchalance at the whole fiasco caused a cackle to erupt from your chest, hand slapping at his hard chest as you fought your raucous giggles.

“Good riddance! I couldn’t stand to hear her babble on any longer.” You huffed and crossed your arms, making sure to stick your tongue out at her retreating form.

“So.. you were spying on me.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah? And? I could smell her bad intentions from a mile away, you should thank me.”

“How about I thank you over some dinner?”

411 notes · View notes

starrbomb · 7 years

Note

:OO can you give me hanahaki lance, but like hes with hunk already and hes poly but he doesnt know what that is so he feels like shit for being in love with keith too and hides both his attraction to keith and the hanahaki until ?? (its too late? theyre just in time to save him?? you decide fam) (also actually the whole time keith liked him too but he was with hunk rip) klunk isnt my thing, but you can do that! or just an open, understanding relationship would be fine too (what i prefer tbh)

hmmm, I’ve never really looked into the klunk ship tag before, but I’ve always thought it was a really nice idea, so hopefully, I’ve done this prompt some justice. I’m sorry it’s taken so long to get this out to you.

Lance loves Hunk. no doubt in his mind at all. he’s so lucky to have Hunk not only in his life, but to be able to call him his boyfriend is the best thing Lance could ever ask for. they’ve gone through so much to together, some of it good, others not so much. Hunk was there when he came out to his parents; Hunk was there for him when Lance had his heart broken by so many before him; Hunk has always been there for him, and Lance wouldn’t want anyone else to be with.

and yet, here he is, heaving into the toilet in the middle of the night alone. throwing up red and white flower petals as the burning in his throat makes it almost impossible to breathe. after minutes of clutching onto the toilet seat, he finally stops coughing out petals and is able to get a full breath into his burning lungs. this doesn’t make any sense; why is he coughing up red petals? he might need to talk with Coran about this, he might know what’s going on.

*****

“ahh! yes, I have heard about this before. it’s called Hanahaki disease. it is when flowers grow in the lungs and around the heart, usually when it comes to unrequited love. lost a few Alteans to it long ago when traveling the universe, although I’m not sure how a human has caught it? it’s quite interesting.”

“Yeah, yeah super interesting, but there’s a way to get rid of it, yeah? I mean, if you’ve lost people because of it-”

“Don’t worry lad, there are ways of curing it. the simplest way is to confess your feelings to the person, but there is always surgery. but of course, there are drawbacks to going through with the surgery.”

“Alright, thanks Coran for the information.”

“glad to help number 3, I hope that your confession is well received and that you feel better soon.” Coran pats Lance’s shoulder before leaving Lance alone with his thoughts.

all he has to do is confess, and then this…hanahulahoop, or whatever it’s called, will go away. except…Lance knows that it’s not because of Hunk. he knows he loves Hunk, and those feeling are returned. but it’s also the fact that…Lance knows who it is about. it’s something that he’s been beating himself up about for weeks on end, and many nights he hates himself because of it.

Keith.

it’s Keith. somehow that hotheaded, impulsive man has weaseled his way into Lance’s heart, creating chaos for his heart because he still loves Hunk, unconditionally. He wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt him, and yet he’s done the worst thing possible. he’s found himself in love with Keith as well. And it’s been tearing him apart whenever it crosses his mind. He’s spent countless nights trying to figure out why…why did this have to happen.Lance hasn’t been able to figure out what to do, and now his health is on the line because of the debacle in his heart that has been destroying him mentally and emotionally.

he needs to tell Hunk. it’s unfair to him to keep hiding this from him. but even after everything they’ve been through, all of the ups and down, Lance is scared. He’s scared to tell Hunk, let alone tell Keith. He can’t do that to either of them. He loves both of them too much to bring that kind of pain onto them. Lance groans into his hands, unsure of how to solve any of this mess that he’s put himself in. he just needs time to figure out what to do. Just a little time to sort out his head.

He can hide this for a few days, just until he figures out how to tell the both of them.

*******

Lance is hiding something from him. Hunk is sure of it. Lance has never been good at hiding stuff from others, especially from Hunk. Usually Lance will come to him on his own after a couple of days of trying to hide from him and they’ll talk things out about what’s been bothering Lance.

So when Hunk can tell that Lance is hiding something from him, he doesn’t mind waiting for him to come on his own accord.

But after two weeks of Lance avoiding Hunk and the others, making up weird excuses about why he’s late to training or dinner, Hunk is seriously contemplating about going to Lance and getting him to talk to him. Yes, it will be much harder than when Lance voluntarily comes to him, but Lance is worth it. He’s always worth it.

Hunk walks up to the blue Paladin’s door and gives it a few knocks. But there’s no response.

“Lance? It’s me. Can you open the door?”

There’s still no response. Hunk lets out a sigh and starts working on the panel to try and get the door to open, but finally, he door opens and Lance hangs out of it halfway looking paler than usual.

“Oh. Hey Hunk.”

Man, Hunk is pretty sure that he’s never heard Lance’s voice be so hoarse before, not even when he had to get his tonsils removed because they were affecting his voice.

“Hey, are you okay? You don’t look too good?” Hunk takes a step closer and places his hand on Lance’s forehead, getting a resounding hum from his boyfriend.

“Yeah, it’s just a….cold. I’ll be fine.” Hunk frowns a bit at the hesitant reply but is more worried about the heat coming from Lance’s forehead. “You might have a fever too. How about I bring by some space noodle soup and look after you.” Hunk is a bit surprised when Lance moves away from him, hiding behind his door more than before. “ no. No, it’s okay. You don’t have to.” Hunk moves closer to the door, trying to get Lance to come back out again. “But I want to. I want to take care of my boyfriend.” Lance shrinks further behind his door, coughing raggedly into the crook of his elbow. Hunk is now extremely worried by how bad his cough is, Hunk keeps following Lance farther and farther into his room, and it’s when Lane tries to say something, Hunk sees the blood stain on Lance’s sleeve. Hunk immediately takes hold of Lance’s arm, his eyes trained on the large blood stain in such horror. How could it be so bad? Why didn’t Lance come to earlier? Why is Lance shaking his head? Did Hunk somehow break Lance’s trust so much that he didn’t trust him to tell him about how sick he was?! No. no, right now he can’t let himself worry about why right now. Lance needed serious medical help. Now.

Hunk is pulled out of his head as Lance starts to hack again, still trying to hide behind his free arm, but the coughing doesn’t stop. It only gets worse and worse with no sign of stopping in the slightest. Lance starts to go down to his knees, foregoing trying to hide the blood he continues to cough up in favor of trying to find a full breath. Hunk watches in horror as he watches the love of his life slowly die right before his eyes. He doesn’t stop to question the flowers and vines being coughed up with all the blood; he doesn’t want to stand by as he watches his boyfriend’s life bleed out of his mouth.

Hunk scoops up Lance and runs for his life for the infirmary. Whispering reassurances and support into Lance’s hair. He can’t lose Lance. He can’t. He can’t think about all the blood on Lance’s floor. He can’t think about how much blood and flowers into Hunk’s shirt. If he thinks about it too much he’s going to be sick himself, and he can’t save Lance’s life if he’s freaking out about how is boyfriend is dying in his arms right now.

“-unk…”

Hunk doesn’t want to look down. He doesn’t want to see how pale Lance looks. He just needs to make it to the infirmary. He just passed the main deck, he’s almost there.

“-Hu-cough cough-Hunk…”

Just a little further. He’s almost there now. He barely acknowledges the rapid foot steps behind him. Just get to the infirmary that’s the only thing on his mind. Just get to the infirma- a weak tug on the collar of his shirt finally makes look down at the man cradled in his arms. Blood and red-ish petals sticking to his mouth. He looks so fragile, and yet he’s still trying to smile up at Hunk as if nothing is wrong in the world. But everything is wrong. Lance is dying and he doesn’t know why or how it got to this point.

Lance weakly reaches up and rubs at Hunk’s tear stained cheek. He coughs up more blood and vines into his lap, but he still somehow smiles up at Hunk.

“-unk, I’m so-sorry. I nev-cough cough-never wanted to hurt you.”

“You’re going to be fine Lance, I swear! We’re going to solve this like we always do. Together. Just hang on a little longer.”

Hunk practically runs down the doors of the infirmary, the rest of the team just behind them. Hunk looks around, not quite sure what to do now that he’s finally there. Coran doesn’t miss a beat and gets a pod setup for Lance.

“Hu-Hunk. ‘m sorry. I…Love you.”

“I love you too Lance, so don’t leave me yet. Please. Just hang on a little bit longer.”

“Hunk! The pod is ready!”

Hunk doesn’t waste any time and places Lance into the pod, the glass appearing between them and Lance as they watch with bated breath. Hunk praying to whatever god may be up there for Lance to be okay. For any sign that Lance is going to make it.

Just to even hear his heartbeat on the holographic monitor.

anything.

#langst #hanahaki diesase #hance #voltron #klunk #might be a part two???#idk #lance #im so sorry #no i'm not #hunk #keith #ask #ask and you shall receive #ask willow #prompt #mini fic

120 notes · View notes

fruit-gummi · 4 years

Text

I'm making this post not because I want attention or anything, I just want to vent and screaming into the void that is tumblr is the best I can do rn. This also isn't directed at the like 1 person that follows me that i know in real life.

I am so alone. I have my boyfriend and thats about it. I ended highschool with pretty much zero close friends. Which, im not blaming it on other people, I was to to blame there too. I basically didn't show up to the second half of senior year and when i did it was pretty much just so i could do my work and not fail highschool my last semester. It didn't help that the year prior my ex best friend had spread lies and rumors about me and everyone sided with her so I left junior year with one friend. That eventually blew up even bigger and everyone was against her, but at that point the damage was done and I had no friend group. Which was partially why I sought out attention elsewhere. I also know that I wasn't the best person to hang around, I was depressed and at the time the only thing I was doing was sleeping with a bunch of guys because I liked the attention and I finally felt like I was worth something. Im 19 now, im not in college,so there's no potential for friends there, and while I could reach out to people from highschool, im scared to. I got the general vibe that no one really liked me at the end. I didn't get invited to anything, I felt the only reason people interacted with me in school was because I weaseled my way into whatever conversation was going on. I felt that I wasn't really wanted in any friend group, so I've stayed away. There's been a couple times I've seen old classmates at my boyfriends campus (when it was still open) but all it ever was was a passing hey, whats up and the one time I tried to start a conversation with two of them I got that same feeling, like i wasnt welcome there.

I met my boyfriend literally the last week of senior year. I moved in with him pretty much the first day I met him, which yeah, I know, kinda stupid. But it ended up being the best two months of my life so far and I dont regret it. He's got a fairly small friend group and they like me, but i also know im always gonna be just his girlfriend. Im can hold a conversation with them and it not awkward when my bf leaves the room, but I know they're never gonna really be my friends, theyre always gonna be his friends and im just his plus one to them. Im not complaining, cause at least its better than them not liking me at all and I've connected with all of them enough to know their interests and stuff. But it's also not like I'm ever gonna be able to talk to them about more serious stuff.

I think that part of why things went so south for me in February. I was having a mental breakdown and had no one to talk about how I was feeling except with my boyfriend and he had his own stress and stuff to deal with because of school and some other personal stuff going on. The two other people I could talk to about it were my exs best friend and a guy I had met on tinder before my boyfriend. Both of them contacted me first and I was hoping that maybe one of them just wanted to be friends. I had expressed to both of them that I had a boyfriend at the time and I only wanted a friend and they both said they were okay with that. The one from tinder still flirted with me, i figured that might just be his personality and never reciprocated other than calling him cute and we did talk about sexual stuff, but not about us together. I did the same stuff with my friends from highschool, so i figured it would be okay. I decided to hang out with him after he got off of work one day, at his house. He pretty much immediately tried to get in my pants. My boyfriend had been pulling away from me because of his own stress and I felt lonely and unloved, so i let him. And I cheated on my boyfriend for a second time. I regret both times wholly and completely and I wish I hadn't have done it, but I cant change the past and me and my bf are working through things slowly.

My exs best friend, T, contacted me around the same time and he seemed like he just wanted to talk, catch up a little. A lot had happened in both of our lives since my breakup with my ex and his two friends besides the girl he cheated on me with both liked me better than my ex. Again, I was hoping he would just want to be friends, and at first he did. We had both expressed that if we hadn't have been with our exes at the time, we probably would have gotten together, but that was about as far as the conversation went. I wanted a friend, so we met up to hang out. It was after he got off work, we just hung out and watched some show or movie or something in his room and I went home. I got clingy. Someone was actually giving me attention when I was a little starved for it and I wanted more. We started hanging out like every day, and after a few days of him treating me like a princess, even though we weren't an item or doing anything more than being friends, I was hooked. I decided I needed to take a break from my boyfriend and figure out if I wanted to pursue T and potentially actually have a relationship. While he is a great person and im sure he'll make someone very happy one day, i woke up in his bed one day and realized just how much i missed my boyfriend and wanted him back. I left T's place and I havent talked to him since. Me and my bf have talked about why this happened and were both trying to be better and communicate better so that it doesn't happen again.

Those two events plus the first time I cheated on him mean that trust is still being rebuilt. Yes, we still trust each other, but he doesn't completely trust that i won't do it again. Im not gonna fault him for that. Im the one that fucked up. However, because of that he gets suspicious of any one I have in my phone, especially guys, other than his friends. So i can't just start talking to people and not expect some sort of distrust there. Like I said, im not blaming him. Im the one that cheated and asked to take a break and then almost started dating another guy. Its my fault the distrust is there and im lucky that he took me back after what happened. I just feel so alone all the time. The only person I talk to is my bf and occasionally 1 friend from highschool and a couple that I met through work that are technically my friends, but also are like both of our friends.

Im so lonely and it hurts so much and I dont know what to do. Im spiraling back into my bad depression days and I dont know how to fix it and I kinda just want it all to end.

Like i said at the beginning. This is not a call for help or to try and get attention or someone from tumblr to be my friend. I just needed to vent and get it all out there, and this is pretty much the only way I can.

#personal #please dont reblog

0 notes