#i think I’m slowly losing my mind after such a hectic school term

[claymorexpunisher]

Little Bill >>>>>>> Calliou

#little bill #calliou #tv shows #childrens tv #random thoughts at midnight lmaoo #i think I’m slowly losing my mind after such a hectic school term #and now I have pretty much no school for the next week or so and it just feels odd to not have due dates or material to read lmaoo 🫠

[adelheidvonschicksal]

Gosh, the Hawks x intern! Reader sure made me tear up :(

Like imagine him regretting not being there for her and his baby girl from the start and trying to make up for it now 😭😭💖

I was going to imagine this, but I couldn't because I ended up writing 3000 words. 😭 I just love fictional babies so much and want them to be happy, okay? I left it open-ended, so I wouldn't betray the "kick his ass" gang. I'm a weak woman 🥺 I still don't know much about him other than what Wikipedia and memes tell me but here we go!

Part One | Part Two

Hawks doesn’t think you’ll ever let him in, not that he could blame you. Every time you see him, your expression hardens, pretty eyes narrow into a glare, nostrils flare, breathing heavy. His only bright light during your last exchange is that you wait three seconds before slamming the door in his face rather than the usual zero.

Oh, he’s definitely softening you up. Not.

It’s been a month now that he’s been at this, and he is starting to wonder if this entire thing is worth the headache. All he’s accomplished so far is bothering you with his requests to talk. Then, he remembers the little angel that you have with you and thinks it’s worth the headache.

At first, he had ignored your previous exchange that day at the park and the nagging feeling in the corner of his mind upon seeing the two of you. Until that same feeling started to weigh on his heart. He quickly realizes what those feelings were. Guilt and regret at not taking another path with the high schooler he so carelessly took advantage of and impregnated.

If he had, he could be annoying Endeavor about his cute little wife right about now.

Hawks feels a bit like Icarus flying too close to the sun and now sinking in a turbulent ocean of his own making. Instead of drowning, the world decides to throw him a lifeline as the receptionist patches a call through to him.

His heart jumps when he hears you on the other side, resistant but succumbed in your plea, “I need your help.”

The very next day you arrive at the agency, a small hand latched in your own as you stand in the middle of his office. You didn’t want to be here. The thought of being in the same place where your daughter was conceived with the same man who left you makes you antsy. You can’t believe you actually let Fumikage talk you into this.

You remember that phone conversation.

Your daughter’s quirk had been coming in full force, so fast you didn’t know how to handle it. You hoped that Tokoyami would have been able to help her control it since he trained with the very person she received her quirk from much longer than you had and that he was part avian himself.

“Please, Fumi. It’s getting worse,” you begged over the phone. “She accidentally hurt a few of the kids at school. No. No. They’re fine, some cuts and a little shook up, but fine. They won’t let her back in until she gets it under control though, so please.”

“I told you there’s not much else I can do. The best solution would be to go to the person with the same quirk.”

He’s right. He’s absolutely right, but you don’t want to rely on someone like that man especially now. What if he ended up hurting her?

“I don’t want to do that.”

“I know you don’t, but he’s been trying to contact you, right? So I'm sure he'd do it if you asked.”

“Yeah…” You growled. “I swear if he makes one smart-ass remark, I might kill him in front of her.”

“Remember it’s not for you. Although, I don’t think you could kill him even if you tried.”

“If we combined our strength…”

“No,” Tokoyami immediately shot down.

You sighed. “I’m only joking. Do you have the number to the agency still?”

Now you’re here, watching the very man who abandoned you kneel down to your daughter’s eye level. Hawks couldn’t believe he’s actually seeing her. It’s a bit exciting to see how much bigger she’s gotten in such a short time with big fat wings at her back holding way more feathers than she can probably deal with.

“So, this is the special girl,” he says. She shies away from him, hiding behind your leg for protection. “Come on out, Baby Bird, you don’t have to be scared of me.”

Slowly, she peeks from behind you, fingers still clutched in your pants leg, and Hawks smiles.

“There you are. Did your mommy tell you who I am?”

“You’re her and uncle Toko’s old teacher, and you’re going to help me control my quirk.”

“That’s right. You just turned five, right? That’s when a lot of quirks can get kind of hectic.”

“Yeah. I had a birthday party with Elsa last month.”

Hawks’ smile falters for a second as he thinks he doesn’t know exactly what day her birthday is. At least now he knows the month. Quickly, he’s back to normal to keep an air of happiness in the situation. “You know I know a lady that looks a bit like Elsa. She has ice powers like her too,” Hawks says, having grown a little closer to the number one hero's family as he tried to figure out what to do about his own family situation.

When her eyes widen, Hawks knows he has her hook, line, and sinker. She throws her initial shyness to the wind in exchange for excitement. “She does? Can I meet her?”

“I’m sure we could make that happen. If not, her son has an ice quirk, too. I’m sure he’d show you.”

The young girl smiles at him, but Hawks notices her vision drifting to something else. Cautiously, her tiny hand stretches out to him, making him nervous as to what she’s doing, before chubby fingers clutch around the edge of his wing, squeezing into his feathers. “They’re pretty,” she mumbles.

“Want one?” he asks, and she nods.

“This is my birthday present for you, don’t lose it,” he says, offering her a single long feather from the back of his wings. She clutches it to her chest tightly, a happy smile plastered on her face.

Then, you interrupt.

“Baby, mama has to run some errands, but she’ll come right back to pick you up when the clock says twelve. You remember how that looks like, right?”

“It’s a 1 and a 2,” she says, bringing up her hands to show you.

Hawks decides to walk you out as your daughter sits in his office chair, twirling around his feather in her hand. He isn’t sure what to say to you now that he has you near him. Should he thank you for bringing her? Or would that only serve to piss you off since it’s not like you wanted to do this by choice?

“Hawks,” you say, bringing him out his thoughts. “There’s one more thing before I go.”

“What is it?”

“Don’t tell her,” you order. “Don’t you dare tell her.”

His chest squeezes at that but he can understand why you wouldn’t want her to know that information when the two of you aren’t even on speaking terms outside this issue. He didn’t want to do anything to make the situation worse either, so he brings his fingers to his mouth and zips his pinched thumb and index finger across his lips. “I’ll make sure mine and anyone else’s lips are sealed if they want to keep their job,” he calmly reassures you, always calm and carefree so you wouldn’t think that your rejection is successfully deterring him.

From then on, you drop your daughter off at his office twice a week to get a better handle on her powers. You didn’t stay long aside from that, but Hawks likes the small moments when all three of you are in the same room together.

The hero can be thankful that at least one of his girls likes him. His Baby Bird quickly attached herself to him, always pattering after his footsteps like a shadow, and always asking if he’d hold her hand, a smile forming whenever he engulfed her smaller one. He even keeps his promise to let her see Rei, or Elsa as Baby Bird so passionately refers to her, now that the woman is out of the hospital.

He thinks that if that family can recover from what happened then his shouldn’t be much different as long as he keeps trying to put in the effort and not step on your toes too much.

It isn’t long before Baby Bird begins to get a hang of her powers. At least enough that she wouldn’t be hurting anyone at school. Hawks had hoped you would still allow him to train her past that point though, but you quickly told him that she wouldn’t be returning to the agency when she reached that point.

He was sad to hear it of course, but he didn’t want to cause what little progress he made to be broken even if he really wanted to see her fly at least a few inches before she left. She’s been getting into the habit of jumping instead of walking to practice like he used to do. Although, she resembles more of a bouncy frog than a bird, to be honest.

He watches, amused, as she bounces along next to him in the hallway.

“You’ve gotten good at that,” he compliments, drawing her attention upwards.

“I’ve been practicing lots at home, but I’m not that good yet. Will you teach me how to fly like you do tomorrow?” she asks.

“No, Baby Bird. Didn’t your mommy tell you that we’re done with training after today?”

She hangs her head down, her bouncing stopping as she drags her feet. “…Yes,” she answers, letting his arm go lax as she releases his hand. Hawks pauses, watching as she draws her hands to her waist and anxiously bunches and twists the bottom of her shirt, and Hawks throat goes dry as she asks with glossy eyes, “Daddy, why doesn’t mommy like you?”

He’s completely silent, wondering exactly when she figured it out or if someone in the office had told her, let alone told her the fact that you didn’t like him. Well, he guesses it doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. “How do you know to call me that?"

“Yesterday, my teacher told us that we inhe-inhe-inherent our quirk from our parents. I remember you said Elsa and her son had the same quirk, and you have big wings like mine and can make your feathers move.”

Hawks smiles. She’s a sharp one to piece it together in a day. “Your teacher is right. I bet you’ve never seen anyone else that looks quite like us.”

“No,” she answers, sniffling. “I don’t want to go home. I want to stay and play with you. Mommy is so mean to you. I hate her!”

Hawks cups her chin in his hand, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Look at me. Don’t talk about your mommy like that. It’s my fault she always gets upset when I’m around. I was mean and bullied her a lot, so if you’re mad, be mad at me. I’m the reason we can’t play together more.”

She sniffs again but it isn’t enough to stop the globs of tears running down her cheeks. “When we saw you at the park, mommy started crying when we went home. I didn’t know why she did.”

Hawks knows why. The reason you’re always so angry at him is because of the hurt you still hold inside for what he did to you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have cried. The opposite of love is indifference as they say, and he knows it’s true because he had been indifferent to the pain he caused ever since the day you came to him with weepy eyes and shaking arms as you told him you were pregnant. You had been scared, and he told you to deal with it.

Hawks scowls. He’s starting to feel sick.

"If you make someone cry, you should say sorry."

Hawks smiles. “I know, baby. I'll apologize to your mama, and I’m going to try my best to make it up to her, and you, too. I’m not going to make either of you cry anymore. Then, when she forgives me, we’ll play together again.”

She looks to him, a small glimmer of hope. “You promise?”

Hawks chuckles and grins at her, the same charming expression that made you fall for him in the first place. He holds out his hand. “Even better. I pinky promise,” he says and confidently hooks her finger with his. “Repeat after me: birds of a feather stick together.”

“Birds of a feather stick together.”

“That’s my girl,” he praises before dropping her hand to pet her head. “I think we might have a little time for me to teach you something before your mommy gets here.”

At the end of the day, Hawks is already waiting for you at the front steps of the agency as your call pulls into parallel park at the sidewalk. You step out and walk towards the steps, but your daughter meets you halfway by hopping over them, her wings flapping to hover before she falls back down onto her feet.

You smile at her. You can’t believe she’s actually flying, at least a little that is, but your surprise is ruined when she cheers. “Mommy, look at what daddy taught me,” she says, bouncing to show you her new hovering skills. “Are you looking? Are you looking?”

“Yes, I’m looking. You’re so good at that. You need to show me more when we get home,” you say but to be honest it’s the last thing on your mind as you glance over to Hawks. “Baby, why don’t you go sit in the car, and I’ll be right there.”

Hawks watches as she obediently follows your instructions, turning her back and happily hopping towards the vehicle.

“(Name), I-” Hawks says, unsure what to expect when your angry glare turns back on him. It isn’t until his yellow visors are already clicking against the pavement that he realizes you hit him. He hisses at the sting on his cheek. “That actually kind of hurt. I guess I had it coming, but I’m not really sure what I did at least recently,” he tries to play off, but you aren’t having it.

“You told her, you told her,” you keep repeating, and he’s backing away in case you decide to strike him again. “Are you trying to get her on your side?”

“Not in the way you’re thinking, and I didn’t tell her,” Hawks explains. “She pieced it together on her own. She’s sharper than you think, she can see that we look alike when she looks in a mirror, and she knows how quirks work. That’s more than enough for her to tell.”

His explanation is enough for you to halt in your assault, and you angrily huff under your breath. You don’t shift to leave, and there’s no door for you to slam away. He finally has you available. “So, what do you want to do now?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she knows; and honestly, I’m glad she does,” he confesses. “I wouldn’t mind seeing her again if you’d let me.”

Hawks swallows his anxiety as he waits for you to answer. Your eyes shift from him back to where she sits in your car, fiddling with the toys obviously left to clutter in the back before you look back at him, thinking.

“She does seem to like you…for some reason,” you add distastefully, but you know full well how happy training makes her. How her little smile beamed when she fluttered over those steps. How the word daddy came from her so sweetly. “She always likes talking about you after she spends the day here. You make her happy. But that’ll just make it harder for her when you leave ag-“

“I won’t,” he cuts off.

“How do I know that?”

“You don’t but I promise not again. (Name), I’m sorry. I’m sorry for telling you to go away like a burden and for not being there. You must’ve been scared, but I won’t leave either of you alone from now on even if you don’t want me there. I’ll be there if you need me.”

“Drop it. I’m not a part of this,” you tell him.

He knows that you’re rejecting his apology, but his ears can pick up what others can’t. He can hear those soft inflections in your voice right before you harden it into aggression, the slight stutter that you so cleverly thought you hid from him as you nearly fumbled your words, a little glimpse of a teenage girl with a crush on her sensei. “Not yet but do know I plan on trying until I make you fall for me all over again. I miss your cute little face when I'd smile at you.”

You glare. “Say that again, and I will smack you in your "cute little" face.”

"You already did that, but if it makes you feel better go ahead, I can take it if it helps you forgive me.”

He just didn’t expect you to actually take him up on the offer. This time, it’s the other cheek that burns.

“You’re right. That did make me feel better,” you say, smirking as you shake the sting from your hand. Hawks grunts, rubbing his jaw as you begin to walk towards your car. He bends down to pick up his shades before following close behind. You open the driver’s door, and say, “I expect you to pick her up at 9 tomorrow. If you’re late, don’t bother showing up ever again.”

Hawks smirks. You certainly became aggressive these past few years, but he thinks he kind of likes it. As you get in your car, he notices Baby Bird smiling at him from the window, her hand up and clutched around that birthday feather he gifted to her as she waves him off.

He’ll definitely be there on time.

#hawks x reader #takami keigo x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #hawks x y/n #bnha hawks

[jazziwritesthings]

Lonely Call - Stiles Stilinski

I do not own teen wolf or any of it’s characters.

Inspired by Lonely Call by RaeLynn

Lyrics in bold

Pairing: Stiles x Reader

Word Count: 1,228

Warning: None??

**************

Just a Monday, thrift shop couch Bowl of Cheerios, it's getting dark out Clicking my remote to an episode Of Crazy Housewives And before you know I see your face on my screen That ringtone can only mean Your friends are gone You're all alone And you're thinkin' 'bout me

The past few weeks had been hard. You had just gotten Stiles back and now he’s rushing off to the other side of the country. Of course you were happy for him that he was finally going to be able to work at his dream job, but that didn’t stop the pain and heartbreak that came with him leaving. You were sitting on your couch in your apartment just watching TV when you heard it. The ringtone you had set specifically for him. You slowly turned your head towards the coffee table and saw a picture of the two of you kissing on the screen. It took everything in you to not pick up.

I used to be your "6 a.m Hey good morning Beautiful, how you been?" I used to be a "we just landed Miss you, you can't stand it See you this weekend"

You were a year older than Stiles so you went off to college while he started his senior year. You guys made it work, even if you were about a four hour plane ride away. Constantly texting and calling each other. You would almost always wake up to a good morning text or a picture of his sleepy face. He would come up to you a few weekends out of the term, when it wasn’t hectic for either of you. It was always a hard goodbye. A lot of the time you never knew if he would make it, or if he’d even be alive. That's why there was constant texting and calling. You needed to make sure he was okay and he needed to hear your voice in order to be okay.

It's been three weeks and two days And twelve hours, but who's counting Ten thousand tears, feels like a year Looking for some peace, and I found it 'Cause boy you said, "Let's take a break" In the front seat of your Jeep So if you got more to say Leave a message at the beep

It was about 3 months before he was taken by the ghost riders. You were visiting him on a long weekend you had. Everything seemed perfectly normal. You went out to dinner, enjoyed yourself and spent some quality time with him. After dinner as you sat in his jeep in front of your parents house you could feel the air had gotten stiff. “Stiles. Is everything alright?” He looked like he was having a war with himself in his mind. You tried again, this time grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers, “Stiles? Babe?” Your touch seemed to bring him out of his head. Instead of bringing your hand up and kissing it like normal, he undid his fingers from yours and placed both hands firmly on the wheel, “Stiles?” You were freaking out, something wasn’t right. “We should take a break.” His words hit you like a ton of bricks, knocking the air out of your lungs.

The next few months felt like hell for you. You and Stiles had not only been dating but you had been friends since elementary school. So not only did you lose the love of your life, you lost your best friend. After about 2 months of trying to figure out a new normal you finally found some semblance of peace. You were doing great in your classes and you got a job at the cafe near your apartment that you loved. Everything felt normal for once, you were happy.

Then everyone forgot Stile Stilinski, including you.

Now I'm just a midnight number Familiar voice When you start to wonder if you made the wrong choice So let it ring, let it ring all night long 'Cause I ain't your lonely call I ain't your lonely call, call, oh

The day started like any other. Your alarm waking you up. Getting out of bed and showering. Going to class and then work. It was when you were sitting on your couch later in the evening when something changed. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Every fiber of your being was telling you to look at your phone. Picking it up you unlocked it and went right to your contacts, seeing a name that sounded so very familiar. Before you did any sort of thinking you pressed the call button. Hearing it ring made your heart feel like it was going to pound out of your chest. “Y/n?”

You heard your name and it’s like everything came back at once, making you drop your phone. Before you knew it you were sobbing. You could hear Stiles on the other end of the phone calling your name. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. Somehow you had forgotten your best friend, and the ex who broke your heart. He just kept calling your name. It had to be a good ten minutes before you had caught your breath enough to pick the phone back up. “Stiles?” You whispered into the phone, not completely trusting anything. “Y/n, thank god. Are you okay?” You sat there listening to his voice. “W-What happened?” There was a long pause on the other end before he finally spoke up, “ A lot actually. It’s too hard to explain over the phone. Are you off anytime soon?” Your brain felt like it was broken, “ I-I can’t remember.” You heard a bunch of different voices on the other end of the phone. Finally someone called your name again, this time you recognized the voice as Scott’s mom. “ Hey Ms.McCall.” She was talking to you and asking questions. The questions were all medical stuff. You had no idea what was going on and it felt like you were surrounded by a thick fog. You heard Melissa say, “ She’s in shock, call her an ambulance.”

I used to be your "6 a.m Hey good morning Beautiful, how you been?" I used to be a "we just landed Miss you, you can't stand it See you this weekend"

It felt like you had been at the hospital forever. In reality it had only been a little over twelve hours. You had no clue how you even managed to get here. The doctors all said it was shock, but they couldn’t determine a source. They said when the EMT’s found you, that you were sitting on the floor with your dead phone to your ear, with tears staining your cheeks.

When you finally got back to your apartment you flopped onto the couch and fell asleep. You were woken by some knocks on your door. You sighed and slowly got up off the couch and stretched, having slept so oddly on the couch. Walking to the door you threw your hair up into a ponytail. Getting to the door you looked through the peephole and saw him. You had never opened a door so fast in your life. As soon as it was open you were throwing your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you back. “Hey Beautiful.”

#Stilinski #stiles stilinski #stiles stilinksi imagines #stile stilinski imagine #stiles stilinski imagines #teen wolf #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf imagine

[retvenkos]

amends pt. 4 // ricky bowen

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series - Slow Burn Ricky Bowen x Stage Manager!Reader Fic. Summary: That’s asking a lot of the theatre gods. Then again, it does include a lot of drama, so maybe it might just work out. pt. 1 // pt. 2 // pt. 3 // pt. 4 // pt. 5 // pt. 6 // pt. 7 // pt. 8 // pt. 8.5-ish // pt. 9 //  unfinished

To say that you had been having a hectic week was a gross oversimplification. Ricky and Nini drama aside, the entire main cast was at each other's throats. Gina was sabotaging Nini by making the role of Gabriella an oversaturated triple threat with dances that were impossible to memorize, Ricky and EJ were trying to give each other concussions with basketballs, and at any given moment, all four of them would jump at each other’s throats to secure the lead. Part of you was glad that you never became an actor yourself. Underhanded tricks and backstabbing blows were not things that you were eager to have on a daily basis. That doesn’t stop you from being in the middle, though. Perks of being in charge! You get to deal with everyone’s drama.

To top it all off, you had two essays due the next day, and you had only started on one.

The only one thriving was Seb, who was perfect every time you saw him - onstage and off. You tried to figure out what his secret was, but according to Carlos, there wasn’t one. Perfection simply happens to ‘unproblematic cinnamon rolls’ naturally. What a concept.

But all shows hit stormy, turbulent waters at some point in the rehearsal process. Hopefully, it would be smooth sailing from that moment onward. You didn’t think you could handle much more. That’s why you were so relieved when you got a text from Ricky’s friend, Big Red, asking if he could be a part of the crew. An extra pair of hands was just the thing you needed.

Turning the corner to where Carlos had said rehearsal was going to start, you almost ran into a few, wide-eyed ensemble members. It was only after you started to weave your way to the front of the group that you realized why they had looked so shaken.

Nini and EJ. Standing a few paces away from the group, a pointed space between them as they argued. Their voices were low, but any conversation that had been happening in the hallway had stopped as everyone listened to them with bated breath. You moved to stand next to Big Red, vowing to talk to him after you finished listening to what happened between Nini and EJ. In your defense, it was your job to know what was happening between your leads chemistry wise. After all, Ricky had texted you to let you know that he was going to be late to rehearsal (it was a group text to you, Carlos, and Miss Jen. It’s not like he had any reason to text you personally. It’s not like the two of you had been texting all week and he was the only reason you were sane or anything…). So Nini and EJ were going to have to be Troy and Gabriella, and this betrayal of trust was complicating things.

“Summer’s over.” The tension in the hallway was palpable. Nini’s face was set in harsh lines, and although you couldn’t see his face, you could imagine his eyes widening in panic as his jaw worked soundlessly, trying to come up with an answer.

You turned to Seb as he pretended to be reading from his binder. He looked at you, his head never moving. “Are they…?” you whispered, trying to remain inconspicuous as Nini now faced the group. His nod was almost nonexistent, but the look in his eyes told you everything. Great. So much for clear skies and smooth sailing. You looked at how EJ looked at Nini longingly, the realization of how badly he messed up dawning on his face. Then you looked at Nini, her face solid stone while her head and heart raged within. A hurricane was coming, that much was certain.

Carlos and Natalie ran out of the room that everyone was waiting outside of, effectively disrupting the dark mood that hung in the air. You took that as your cue to start getting Big Red up to speed on where the musical was. If there was going to be a disaster, you needed all hands on deck.

…

“Since when was blocking like going to hell in a handbasket?” Gina chuckled slightly at your remark as you watched scene seven of your beloved musical crash and burn. Well, not the entirety of scene seven. The first part was great. The ensemble did a killer job being comically terrible at their audition. They Sharpay and Ryan audition was ridiculously good, and Ashlyn killed it as Ms. Darbus. But then it happened. Miss Jen (insisting on using the names of the characters) ushered Sharpay and Ryan offstage and called for Troy and Gabriella to enter stage left. That’s when it all started to go downhill.

You looked down at your notes for the scene as Miss Jen tried to work with the lovely couple onstage. Was it even worth fixing? Part of you wanted to scrap the scene entirely. I mean, sure, maybe it was worth mentioning to Nini that she needed to be more natural in her movements, but did you really need to tell her and EJ to actually look at one another when they sang? If they couldn’t pretend to even be apathetic strangers, could they really transform themselves into being pretend lovers by opening night?

“No, dear, that would be upstage.” You looked up as Big Red furrowed his brow, moving so that he could push the piano in the correct direction. Another note: make sure to teach Big Red blocking terms. Nothing would ever get done if the basics couldn’t be handled.

Your phone buzzed and you tore your gaze away from the mountain of corrections you had. It was from Ricky.

from: ricky

(3:15 p.m.) i’m on my way. my mom got an earlier flight, got held up with family stuff.

You bit your lip as you read his text. Things were very confusing with his family, but you didn’t exactly know how. There had been hints of it at auditions and when the two of you talked about meeting up to practice lines or study for math on the weekends (not that you would ever have the courage to actually get together with him), but Ricky had never explicitly told you much. Not that he had to or anything - you were just worried about him. You could tell that it bothered him. You figured that you would get there in time. Friendship takes time to grow, and personal stuff like that was usually disclosed later on.

to: ricky

(3:17 p.m.) we’re in the little theatre. get here as soon as you can.

Your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Should you tell him that Nini and EJ broke up? You fought with yourself; it wasn’t your business to tell, but it would give a reason as to why he was needed so badly. But then again, if Ricky thought that Nini was available, wouldn’t he try and pursue her again? And wouldn’t that cause her to quit the show from the drama? Wouldn’t that then lead to EJ dropping out too? The last thing you needed was people dropping out or calling it quits. There were only so many actors, and the last thing you needed was a change in dynamics this late in the game.

(3:18 p.m.) miss jen is about to go off the deep end.

Ricky texted back a panicked emoji and you smiled as you locked your phone. It wasn’t a lie, that much you realized as you watch Miss Jen try and salvage the scene with some good, old fashioned girl talk.

Carlos turned around to look at you, a distressed look on his face. “If we can’t get this together soon, we’re going to be behind your schedule.” You sighed, flipping to the schedule at the front of your binder. You had spent hours making sure there was a time for everything. You even color-coded it.

“Maybe we could get some of the individual choreo learned outside of rehearsal time?” You gave Carlos a knowing smile. “You and Seb still have to learn Bop to the Top.” You winked at him jokingly and he laughed, a blush growing across his face.

…

You and the copy machine were good friends. Especially at this point in the rehearsal process. So when Ricky said he needed to borrow someone’s copy of scene seven, you had grabbed Miss Jen’s key off of her desk and made toward the copy machine in the teachers' lounge. Most of the teachers recognized your face in there at this point - you had been making copies for teachers since your first year as a TA for Psychology.

You grabbed the warm pages off of the copy machine and made sure to align them before stapling them in the correct order. Then you sat down at a table and (getting out your pens) started to mark down the entrances and blocking for Troy. Lord knows EJ wouldn’t help Ricky - especially after what went down earlier.

You felt bad for what happened if you were being honest. EJ and Nini were never the perfect match. They both needed someone different. You just weren’t sure if that someone that Nini needed was Ricky or not. They had history, sure; they also had chemistry in spades. But it takes more than that. You knew that. Love was hard.

You let your mind drift to Ricky, with his small smiles and sad eyes. You remembered how happy he used to be. All you wanted was for him to be that happy again.

A teacher walked into the lounge and pulled you from your thoughts. The scene. Ricky.

You quickly finished writing the blocking with a few additional notes and stuffed your pens in your backpack. You made a mental to-do list for when you got home as you walked back to Miss Jen’s office. You stopped outside and rose your hand to knock, but heard something inside before you could make a sound.

“My parents are splitting up.” You knew that voice. It took everything in your power not to gasp. “For real.” You stepped away from the door slowly, letting the voices from inside the office muffle with each step.

You weren’t meant to hear that. You shouldn’t have been listening in on their conversation. If he wanted to tell you he would have. But poor Ricky. It all made sense now. What he said at his audition. The snippets of conversation you heard when he and Nini fought. The reason he could be so despondent. Why he was so afraid of losing people.

You looked down at the copied scene in your hand. Rifling through your backpack to get a pencil, you wrote a note at the top corner of the last page.

--- taglist:

@snowman-spidey, @dinsey-chanel, @ruefulposts, @mightdielater, @ggukstoe, @wallacetdog, @onceuponafanfiction, @goodnight-n-dayglow, @prttybitchin, @loyalucas, @hxney-bunches-x, @hxzstxles, @parkeroffline, @madamestarlet, @parkerharrington, @fudgemesteveharrington, @hobistigma, @farfrom-peter, @fangeekkk, @tori-marie, @amxx44, @onceuponafanfiction, @softpeteparker, @filmqvakers, @wcnderwoo, @stitch-flo, @liberty01, @kxhliforniaa, @ilymarkchan, @complete-trash-101, @dystopianchic13​

#hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #ricky bowen #ricky bowen x reader #x reader #fic #fic series #slow burn #stage manager! reader

[holosoftheoldrepublic]

Marriage: Reloaded

(Also available on AO3) 

          Yniuria was the happiest she had been in a long, long time. When she had gone to Ossus to help the Jedi sheltering there, she had not expected to run into Doc again. And despite everything, a small part of her had feared that he had moved on to someone else when the Eternal Empire separated them. To find that he had remained true to her and was still as in love with her as he had been six years ago had gotten her quite emotional.

           She had been sure to reward him quite vigorously after they had returned to Coruscant.

           Curled in his arms after, listening to his rapid heartbeat as it slowly calmed, she felt complete. Being a Jedi, helping others and defending them against the Sith, was all well and good, but one could not live with just duty alone. Or at least, she couldn’t. Having someone to come back to made the pressure easier to deal with. When she was with him, the tension all just melted away.

           Doc bent forward to give her a lazy kiss on the forehead. “I missed that smile,” he murmured, squeezing her gently.

           “Just the smile?” She teased.

           “Your smile, your laugh, the way you feel in my arms, the colour of your eyes, your intensity when you’re facing off against injustice, basically everything, really…”

           Yn laughed and kissed him. “I missed everything, too.”

           “But mostly my rugged good looks, right?” He grinned.

           “Oh, yes, especially that,” she replied seriously, able to keep a straight face for about ten seconds before she started giggling, and Doc couldn’t help but join her in it.

           They lay contented for a while, basking in each other’s company in silence. Life had been so hectic, and with hostilities resuming between the Republic and the Empire, it would continue to be that way, so they cherished the moments of tranquility that they got.

           She realised, lying there, that most of her good memories were tied to Doc. The only other thing that came close was the Jedi Order, but they paled in comparison. While she was still devoted to the Jedi cause, she found herself caring less and less about many of the dogmatic restrictions.

           And she didn’t want to hide what made her happy anymore.

           “Doc?” She said, nudging him.

           “Hmm?” He responded, his eyes closed, possibly half asleep.

           “Let’s get married.”

           Yn watched a ripple of emotions going over his face, settling on confusing as he opened his eyes and gave her a curious look. “You get a bit rattled on Ossus there, beautiful? We’re already married.”

           “By a protocol droid who wiped the ceremony from his databanks,” she said. “And it’s not on any official records which could make things… difficult, legally.”

           He absently stroked her arm, thinking. “So, you want it to be more official?”

           “Yes.”

           “You’re alright with upsetting the Order?”

           “With all the things I’ve done for the Order, I think they can overlook a marriage,” she said. “And if they can’t… well, I’ve decided that some things are more important. I don’t want to hide this anymore.”

           “Considering that we made out in front of several prominent Jedi, I think it’s safe to say our relationship isn’t a secret anymore, beautiful,” he said dryly.

           She stuck her tongue out at him, and he took it as prime opportunity to kiss her deeply.

           The discussion was tabled for a little while.

           “I should propose to you more often,” Yn panted when they were done.

           “How many marriages could we have before it gets too indulgent?” He asked, rolling onto his back with a groan. “I’m out of shape… not as much running around and getting exercise on Ossus, you know…”

           “So, do you want to?” She asked, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m okay if you don’t. We did go through it once already, after all…”

           “If it makes you happy, I’ll do anything,” he grinned. “Well, not anything but you know what I mean…”

           “When I was little, I sometimes imagined getting married,” she said. “Dressed in a pretty white wedding dress, with my friends and family gathered and lots of good food…”

           “Hmm, the wedding dress has a certain appeal,” he said, a far away look in his eyes as he thought up whatever degenerate scenario he had in mind. “Yeah, that would be nice…”

           “Archiban.”

           “It would be nice to bring everyone together,” he said, tactfully moving on. “A celebration will help keep people’s spirits up, what with the war resuming and all…”

           “Good company and good food?” She said, smiling.

           “And maybe with a marriage announcement, Kira will come out of wherever she’s been hiding to yell at me,” Doc said dryly.

           Yn sighed. “I wish I knew where she and Scourge have been hiding…”

           “Sorry I couldn’t keep an eye on them.”

           “They’re their own people, and you all had your own problems to deal with, after all,” she said. “I’m sure we’ll find them again.”

           He gave her a squeeze, smiling. “So, does this mean I need to break the bank to get you a ring?”

           “A black band with a red stone would be nice…”

           “What, no diamonds?”

           Yn made a face.

           “You can get red diamonds, beautiful.”

           “Yeah but… they’re ugly.”

           Doc snorted, then laughed. “Alright, a red stone that isn’t a diamond.”

           “And a black band.”

           “You ever think about expanding your colour palette a little, Yn?” He asked.

           “No.”

           He was useless from laughing for a minute.

           “I’m going to invite all of your ex-girlfriends to the ceremony,” she muttered. “Every single one. I’ll pay for their transportation personally…”

           “Nooo don’t do that,” he laughed, squeezing her again. “I’ll die...”

           “No less than you deserve,” she grumbled. “Making fun of your wife for the colours she likes…”

           “You still want a white wedding dress, though,” he said dryly, poking her nose. “Why not have a red and black wedding dress?”

           “I want the stereotype!” She said, propping her head up on a hand. “A fancy, flowing white dress and sprays of white flowers covering the marriage hall from floor to ceiling…”

           “But a ring with a red stone and a black band.”

           “Well I’ll be wearing it after the wedding, so it needs to match my aesthetic…”

           “I thought Jedi were supposed to be above that sort of thing.”

           “We’re also supposed to be above romantic attachments,” she said, rolling her eyes, “so unless you want me to dump you maybe don’t bring it up.”

           “Aw, don’t even joke about that,” he said, kissing her cheek. “I just found you, why would I want to lose you so quickly? I might have to handcuff us together…”

           “Well, I’d never have to worry about losing you in combat…”

           “So that’s the ring, the dress, and flowers sorted,” he said, ticking them off on his fingers. “What about food? I’m guessing you want a cake.”

           “I want the biggest cake physically possible,” she said, looking absolutely serious.

           “You planning on giving cake to the whole of Coruscant, beautiful?”

           “I want a big impressive wedding to satisfy my younger self, who fantasised about all the things she couldn’t have to make life a little less dreary,” she grumbled.

           “Tell your younger self that we’re not made of money, please.”

           Yn stuck her tongue out at him again.

           “Hmm, tempting, but unfortunately I’m not up to the task yet,” he grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

           “You really are a walking hormone,” she giggled. “Aren’t you in your late 30s now?”

           “Shh,” he said, pressing a finger against her lips. “I’m 28 forever, beautiful.”

           “You say that, but I’m pretty sure I see some grey hairs…”

           “You take that back!”

           “Right here, and here, and here…”

           “Weren’t we talking about food for the wedding?” Doc complained. “Why are we talking about my nonexistent grey hairs?”

           She kissed his nose. “Shouldn’t you come up with some ideas? It’s your wedding, too.”

           “I’m not really much of a foodie, love,” he shrugged. “I’ll eat anything put in front of me. Came in handy on Balmorra.”

           “Come on, Doc, you almost got married once before, surely you have some ideas?”

           “If you recall, I ran from that wedding at the speed of light,” he said with a nervous laugh. “I wasn’t really involved in the planning at all… I’d rather not think about how terrible I used to be, if it’s all the same to you…”

           “I’d agree but if you’d married her, we wouldn’t be here now so I can’t help but thank your terrible, younger self.”

           “Thanks,” he said dryly.

           “As for food…” she thought about it. “I’m not sure, most of the foods I like aren’t what you would consider wedding fare.”

           Doc snorted. “It’s your wedding, do whatever you want.”

           “Our wedding,” she said absently. “I do like Selkath food… but I don’t think a lot of people would appreciate a largely fish-based meal…”

           “You could always have things from a bunch of different cultures,” he suggested. “No matter what you do this is gonna be a bit in the public eye, so you could always make it a gesture of unity and togetherness in these dark times.”

           “Why are you pulling politics into our wedding?” Yn complained.

           “You’re a Jedi, everything about you is politics,” he grinned. “Besides, having a whole lot of different food would be fun.”

           “I’ll leave you in charge of catering then,” she said. “You should be involved in some of the planning, after all.”

           “How about music? Can’t be any sort of celebration without music. And decorations, can’t have just flowers… guests… seating arrangements…”

           “For someone who said he wasn’t involved in his own wedding you sure know a lot,” she commented.

           “Hey, I went to a lot of weddings, you know,” he grinned. “Romance in the air, people emboldened with a bit of alcohol… great place to pick up women… Yn, if you roll your eyes any harder, you’re going to break something. Trust me – I’m a doctor!”

           “Is there anyone you want to invite?” She asked.

           “I can think of a few buddies from med school… some people I worked with on Balmorra… lot of people from Ossus…” He said. “I am absolutely not inviting any of my exes.”

           “It’s a shame you haven’t remained good terms with at least one of them,” she sighed. “You should send out apology messages…”

           “I’d be at that for the better part of the decade.”

           “Who will you have as your best man?” She asked, deciding to veer away from subject. “Rusk?”

           “Oh, stars, no,” he grimaced. “I’ll have to think about it.”

           “I would’ve loved to have Kira as my maid of honour,” she sighed wistfully. “I’ll have to ask Sara if she’d be up for it. Did you know that she got married and no one made a fuss about it? How is that fair!”

           “I guess it’s different when you’re a barsent.. bareth… uh…”

           “Barsen’thor.”

           “Yeah that.”

           Yn stretched languidly. “We have time to think about it,” she said. “Time to plan things out, invite people, research things… for now, I think we should get out of bed.”

           “But it’s so comfy,” he complained.

           “Well I’m going to have a shower, and then get breakfast,” she said dryly, slithering out from the covers.

           Doc watched her stand and stretch. “You know, maybe I’ll join you for that shower…”

#star wars the old republic #swtor #jedi knight #swtor doc #archiban frodrick kimble #marriage #proposal #fluff #fic #god these two are so cute #and no one stopped me from the garbage title #so there you go #you only have yourselves to blame

[bring-forth-your-justice]

Chapter 1: Troubled Mind (Reader x Akira Kurusu)

So um, I wrote a fic. I already have 3 chapters complete for this long fic. When I say long, I mean very long *cough* 15,293 words *cough*. So a bit of context to the story, it ties in with persona 3 because of the reader’s past. As well a major change to the story (won’t reveal it because I’m not so sure on whether to add it in or leave it out.) Hope you enjoy reading this piece of trash.

You couldn’t be late to school, not today.

You ran past people in a panic to reach the subway. The forecast said it was gonna rain today, but your wonderful and brilliant brain forgot that. Not that it mattered anyway, you had no idea where your umbrella went.

Thankfully it wouldn’t rain for another hour or so, that was your saving grace for the day. You only wished it could’ve been used for something else though.

You reached the subway just in time and pushed your way into the cramped train, managing to grab the last seat. You held your bag tight, so tight that you could’ve sworn that your papers were gonna be in crumples by the time you left. “Maybe today won't be as hectic as I predicted”. You thought to yourself, as you tried to doze off for the duration of the ride for Shujin Academy.

Normally you were never late, not once did you ever miss school, and you wouldn’t dare over sleep. After all, you were the student council vice president! You were a straight A student for goodness sakes! You were the person every student would look to for help and advice, a role model. Only second to Makoto, but even then you both were identical in terms of efficiency and marks.

So why were you late?

Well, you weren’t late, not really. It’s just your student council meetings start before school does and that's what you couldn’t be late for. You had many things flooding your mind last night and you ended up over sleeping.

Luckily your 3rd alarm woke you up. If not for that, Makoto would’ve freaked and sent enough messages for the constant dinging to wake you up.

The train had stopped and you made your way past the other passengers. You put your headphones on and started making your way to school.

As you made your way towards the school, you spotted the alleyway that Ryuji and you would walk through together. You flinched at the thought of just hanging around Ryuji again. As badly as you wanted to again, as badly as you wanted to say sorry and make him smile, you couldn’t. There was just something standing in your way, why lie to yourself? There was someone in your way.

The gloomy clouds plagued the skies above you but it didn't matter now, you’d finally reached school. Walking through the empty halls seemed to take more effort than usual. It seemed the feeling of the desolate halls had caused you to forget about your surroundings, as you had tuned out someone shouting your name.

“Y/N! Y/N! CAN YOU EVEN HEAR ME!? Oh GoD!” She hollered, as she tried to close the gap between the two of you.

You lept back as the girl caught up to you and grabbed your shoulder. She then continued to slump forward, crouching, in an attempt at catching her breath. “Arine? What’s wrong?! You look exhausted.” You say in confusion as you take out the headphones from your ears. 

Arine suddenly shot up at what you had said, with only frustration to be dissected from her expression and beads of sweat showering down from her hair.

You jumped back at the sudden action, still dazed with her conduct.

“Are YOU REALLY asking ME if there’s something WRONG with ME!?” She retorted back, still huffing, slightly slouched. Just as you slightly parted your mouth to respond to her, she cut you off. “Never mind that, c’mon the meetings gonna start. I was looking to see if you had came or not. But, like always, your right here.” She sent you a quick loving smile and grabbed your left hand, and dragged you to the council room.

“ Sooo..er..Arine, why exactly were you so upset?” You spoke shyly, you were now walking beside her, retaining your elegant stature. Arine was a first year, and the treasurer of the student council. Although a very small and timid girl, she proved to be very enthusiastic around those she knows well.

“Well, besides the fact that you made me run after you around the school, and made me look like a fool for yelling and screaming your name about 4 billion times..” She spoke sarcastically as she turned to face you. “ The..” You noticed the sudden shift in her expression, from one with glee to one with dread and unease. Your face didn’t falter from its blank expression, but you felt concern ebbing away your lifeless expression.

“It’s j-just the..um...the t-transfer s-student”.

The transfer student? Wha-oH WAIT! “OH, yes of course! It seems as if I had forgotten about him. I just had a lot on my mind the other night, and I forgot he was coming today.” You spoke with more confidence.

“But why exactly are you mortified by just talking about him?” You slyly inferred. Arine shot her head down, being both shocked and embarrassed by you noticing her dismay. “Oh, um. Well, err you see..uhh.” She choked on her words, making it hard for you to understand why this student brought out her inner demons just at the mention of him.

‘GOOD LORD! Was this boy the new coming of Voldemort!?’ You thought, with concern now evident on your face.

“A-apparently he’s currently on probation for ASSAULT! A-and I overheard some of the teachers that he’s really d-dangerous, they said that if he had a knife that day...he wouldn’t be convicted of assault but ..m-murder.” Arine started to tremble. You slid your hand into hers in an attempt to rid of her quivering. “I’m not one to judge on rumors….but if he’s as menacing as you say he is..” You took a pause in between your thoughts, slowly biting your lip with the situation at hand.

“I’ll be careful, and hey! Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt anyone. Including you, so quit your worrying!” You said blissfully.

Haha..how would that even work? You couldn’t even save your brother, father, or even yourself! Pathetic, you want to save your friend and the school while you can't even escape the people who hurt, torment, and abuse you. You lie to yourself and now you lie, to her.

Arine’s face slowly lit up with more of your false assurance. The two of you reached the council room, and were greeted by Makoto and the others. Makoto rushed to your side to give you a small but strong hug. She asked what had taken you both so long. You sheepishly explained that you overslept and were in a world of your own thoughts before Arine came along. Makoto was shocked at the fact that you overslept, and continued to say that she would personally enter your house and wake you up. After that, the meeting had finally begun.

“Y/N wait!” Makoto said just as you was about to leave the modest, dimly sun-lit room. “Hmm? Something wrong Mako?” You and Makoto have been childhood best friends since middle school, always by each other's side.

Things were rough after your mom, dad, and big bro died. After all, you were only 4 and Taro was 12. Your oldest brother, Taro, was left to take care of you but at the time, you had your grandma. When she passed, Taro was 17 and was on his way to becoming a prosecutor. That’s where he met Sae-san. Their friendship lead to you meeting Makoto. You both had so many things in common, your love for knowledge, books, kawaii things and of course, the need to be like your older siblings and bring forth justice! But besides your interest, you both shared the pain of losing your parents and loved ones. You depended on each other when the world around you seemed to collapse, when the pain and grief resurfaced. When the occasional sibling fight happened, the other would always spend the night at the others house.

When the other didn’t have an interest in one particular area, the other would force them to do it with them. Makoto doesn’t know how to play piano or skate so you drag her with you. Cooking and aikido comes as a challenge for you so you’d tag along with her and learn a thing or two.

You told each other almost everything. Feelings, opinions, secrets, hopes and dreams. Including a secret only she believes when Taro can’t except it..

You know in your heart that, that secret is no secret, but the truth. The truth that won’t ever be told until you find the killer. . .

“No, nothings wrong but um, Miss. Kawakami had asked if you would show the transfer around the school?” Makoto asked shyly, fiddling nervously with the pencil in her hand. You were in shock. Usually the homeroom teacher would be the one to show the student around. Though you wouldn’t argue with a teacher about showing a student around, it was just this student. After what Arine said, you weren’t so sure about this.

“I certainly don’t mind, but why? The teachers usually show them around, am I wrong?” You asked.

“Yes, it is the teachers duty but, you and the transfer are in the same class. So Miss. Kawakami thought it would be good if he got to know someone in his class. She also mentioned that it would be wonderful if he had such a marvelous and outstanding influence as his first ‘friend’ at this school.” Makoto clarified.

“Alright, I guess you already know what I’m doing this morning. Honestly though, I’m honored that she’d think so highly of me.” You let out an embarrassed chuckle.

“Obviously, you’re an amazing student. Not to mention an even better best friend. Speaking of which, you told me Taro is not coming home tonight, you watnt to spend the night at my house?” There was no way you wouldn’t take up the chance of staying over at Makoto’s just talking and goofing off.

“Why would I say no? I mean, my dance class was canceled today, and I could always reschedule my shift. As long as Sae is ok with it, I’ll come over right as I get something~ from my house!” You said winking. “Oh please tell me it’s ‘that’ thing! Also Sae’s always ok with you coming over, so don’t worry about that.” The two of you exited the room and headed towards your classes, laughing at the random jokes that each of you would insert into the conversation. You said bye to Makoto as she walked down to the third-year floor.

You walked into the classroom, with all the students in groups and talking about the latest gossip, trends and so on. As you went to take your seat, you would get the casual stares from some of your admirers. You stood out from the other students, partially because of your very different uniform ( a black waistcoat with white accents, the Shujin skirt, black thigh high boots, A white button up collar shirt, and black tights. Along with a headband in your hair.), but it was mostly due to your brandeis blue highlights.

They weren’t highlights they were part of the aftermath of what happened one year ago. You tell others that they’re highlights to hide the truth.

You sat besides Takamaki-san, she looked agitated, and distressed. The girl was looking down at her desk while fiddling with her blonde, curly hair. You didn’t really know the girl, you’ve never really had the chance to talk with her. You’ve wanted to but... you don’t know what you’d say to her. All you actually knew about the girl was she and Suzui-san are best friends, and that she's half american, a kind girl whose parents are always overseas due to work. Then there were the rumors with her and Kamoshida, the volleyball coach, an award winning athlete.

Ah~ There it was, you already figured out the reason behind her melancholic expression.

You knew how scary and menacing Kamoshida could be, from first-hand experience. You did whatever you could to be far away from him and his counterpart, Kaito-kun. No one knows that Kamoshida has harassed you too. After all on the outside it doesn’t look as if you’ve been hurt by him, but on the inside your dying, a soul pleading for any form of help. You’ve tried, you’ve tried saving others plus yourself from him. Sometimes it worked but all your efforts puts you into a dangerous zone with him instead. To save others you’ve put yourself in vain.

If you knew about a volleyball player that he was gonna ‘call out’, you’d jump to their aid by using the little authority you have, to ask the volleyball player to help you with a student council duty. That way, they wouldn’t have to see Kamoshida. But your efforts to help others backfires on you when he catches you.

“SHE’S HERE! Everyone get to your seats!” One student hollered.

“OMG Kiyoshi! SHE’S COMING! MOVE!” Another student yelled as she pushed a girl out of the way, presumably Kiyoshi.

“MIYAKO!!” Kiyoshi squealed just as she tripped and hit the ground face first.

‘Ouch!’ You thought.

Miss. Kawakami walked in through the sliding doors and all the students scrambled to get to their seats. Miss. Kawakami let out an annoyed sigh, she looked deflated and exhausted. “Okay, everyone settle down. Settle down! Uh, Yuki-san can I talk to you outside?” She spoke sounding incredibly tired. You nodded and walked outside the classroom; outside to the empty hallway.

“I’m glad you said yes to giving the transfer a tour.” She said with a faint smile on her face. Was she always this burned out? You felt as if she would fall over any second now, so much so that you mentally prepared yourself to catch her fatigued body.

“Frustrating as it is, the boy hasn’t arrived at school yet! So I suppose for now just relax but if he does show up, then I’ll come find you. Alright?” She asked.

‘Wow, late on the first day! It’s really becoming harder not judge this guy! No, you promised yourself you would never make assumptions and judge others without knowing them!’ You thought to yourself, mentally scolding yourself in the mix.

You told Miss. Kawakami that she could rely on you and not to worry. She let out a tired but grateful sigh. “It’s great to have such a dependable student, unlike that Sakamoto. Looks like he’s not coming to school again..”

Your eyes widened. ‘Ryuji, why would you miss school? I get it, this place is hell! But you hafta stop getting yourself in serious trouble!’

“Oh...I see. Well that’s unfortunate.” Your voice was laced with sorrow.  

“If he had only stayed on the right path, he could’ve made a great student. After all he was once a star athlete.” Miss. Kawakami unknowingly had added insult to your already aching injury.

‘Bullshit, It was all Kamoshida’s fault! He stole his future, THAT PERVERTED BASTARD SHOULD BE THE ONE THAT GETS HIS REPUTATION TAKEN FROM HIM! He HAS to pay!’  Your thoughts fueled your anger.

‘But how can I put an end to the pain, and him..’

#Persona 5 #reader x Akira kurusu #s/o x Akira Kurusu #Akira Kurusu #I'm trying so hard not to turn reader into a Mary sue #I'm making Makoharu A thing in this fic #I'm having anxiety by trying to post this trash

[novadreii]

a diatribe about the emotional unpacking i’ve been doing this summer, specifically regarding my anxiety, how it’s affected me, and how i’m trying to drop kick it in the face. 

i will be honest and say that this weekend i’ve been sitting with some mild anxiety. mild, but still there, enough to set off alarms. just this...undercurrent of fear about the future. i go back to school in exactly 1 month, and getting my degree means more to me than arguably anything right now. some of you have been watching me bitch about this for years, but i’m stubborn as fuck and refuse to let it go. it’s not about the status, or the diploma. it’s a struggle of significance for me; since 2012 i’ve wrestled on and off with my mental health and this made staying in school consistently impossible. so in 2015 i made the decision to not go back until i was properly ready. a lot has happened since then, but to make a long story short, i’ll never be more ready than i am now. finishing this means everything to me; it means digging my heels in, working hard, and earning something for myself. something that, for a long time, i really lost hope that i was even capable of achieving.

but as always, doubt always starts to creep once the deadline approaches: what if i fail again, what if i can’t handle it, what if i drop out and have to work boring low-level jobs my whole life, what if i panic, what if i can’t do it?

every piece of text on the subject that i’ve ever read, every meaningful message from all my favorite books/series, has pointed me towards this one solution for when i’m paralyzed with fear: just feel it, sit with it, don’t run from or avoid it. and once you’ve done that, go through your fear and do the thing you’re afraid of anyway. that’s called bravery, and if you repeat this process enough times it will give you the confidence to keep doing it in the face of anything you fear. how often have we heard that being brave is not synonymous with being fearless? fearless is a lofty concept, an ideal, but honey, it’s just not realistic. everybody has fears. the most incredible people throughout history had their own fears; what sets them apart is how they dealt with them. 

my methods for avoiding pain/fear these days are 1) weed 2) tv/video games in excess and 3) avoiding my responsibilities/doing anything that would progress my life. obviously this will not work out for me, not in a long-term sense anyway. 

so recently i’ve just....stopped using coping methods when i’m getting into my fear. i do anything other than my usual destructive habits. i force myself to clean in a frenzy, i listen to loud music on my headphones, i go for a walk around the block, i read a book, i’ve even forced myself to do boring paperwork that i was avoiding. i make a challenge out of forcing myself to do the exact opposite of what i really want to do in that moment.

and THAT’S where the magic happened for me. once i confront Fear and do it over and over and over again, it begins to lessen. i’ve done this before, and i survived. it wasn’t that bad. it was worth the effort it took to just deal with it. 

the truth is that everything in life is a trade-off. you can’t get anything you want without sacrificing something of equal value whether it’s money, time, energy, or any other resource. and on the flip side of that coin, you can’t just avoid your life and desires, not without paying for it emotionally. so logically speaking, if both paths are equally as difficult, if they take roughly the same amount (but a different TYPE) of effort, which one will i choose?

it’s become obvious to me now, whereas it wasn’t before, that i should choose the path with the end result that is most worth it for me. depressed bastard who never did anything with her life? or...who knows? someone who actually tried and maybe got SOME of what she wanted? so now that the two choices are so clear, i’m beginning to feel drive, determination, and ambition again. goddamn, i was born with those traits burned into my personality and identity; losing them temporarily during the last few years fucking hurt, i really did lose a part of myself. but they were just dormant, inactive, because i can feel them faintly taking root again. and it feels friggin amazing. 

so nowadays i’m practicing a new skill: willpower. i believe it is absolutely a skill that anyone can cultivate and work on. i realized that i can force myself to do shit i know i should be doing instead of running from my problems. knowing that i will feel so much better if i just address and overcome what is scaring me is enough to motivate me. i can do this without resistance, without wanting to go hide in my bad habits. my awareness (my true self, separate from ego), knows the right answers, the correct path. i can physically do what i know needs to be done even if my mind is screaming at me to self-destruct instead; i have that power, because i am not my mind. none of us are; we are the awareness behind the mind, so to speak. if this sounds too new-age for you, i’m sorry. but i’ve been reading books on the topic for years without understanding completely. it made about 75% sense to me up until now, and i found the missing piece. mindfulness, the Self, the Ego...it’s all interconnected, and i used to think it was more religious BS that I didn’t care for. but it really isn’t. it’s a logical approach to heal yourself emotionally, and it starts with recognizing that your internal dialogue, your thoughts, and even your emotions, do not make up who you are, so you don’t have to be a slave to them. i wish i could articulate this better, but i barely understood it myself when i first started researching the topic. but something inside me knew that the answer i’d been looking for was somewhere in this train of thought, so i’ve kept with it (if you’re interested, the one book I would recommend is the power of now by eckhart tolle. i know, i know. but it really is the most easily digestible medium for this subject. just know you will have to engage with it and put in the work to fully understand). 

so anyway, that’s what i did this weekend. no weed, no mindless distractions, no emotional eating, despite the low burning of fear about school in the back of my mind. i cleaned the shit out of the kitchen and my room instead, which was distracting and physically tiring. then because i still felt restless, i went for a jog. now i’m showered and tired, about to watch a movie that i feel i actually earned. i think Fear produces a nervous energy that i can dispel with any kind of physical activity, which takes the edge off and makes it bearable.  

and lo and behold, by not being destructive at the first sign of feeling afraid, i didn’t burst into flames or anything. sure, my heart rate might jump for a bit, i might feel a bit sweaty/nauseous for a couple minutes. but then i swallow it and continue on my path.  by going through Fear instead of doing a 180 away from it, i can continue moving forwards instead of backwards. i can grow and progress, not stagnate. and another hard lesson i’ve learned is that the stagnation from avoiding my life has arguably caused me the most pain, far more than the fear of life itself. 

i isolated myself from my friends (missing one of their weddings which i have to try to not beat myself up about for the rest of my life). i stalled in my education. i was cut off socially, emotionally because i was in denial, and going nowhere. 

so i think i’ve just reached a point where anything is better than this. than a lonely, unfulfilled future where i reach none of my potential. on my deathbed all i’d feel is profound disappointment. and to that idea my gut reaction is HELL NO. is this what they mean about actually hitting rock bottom, even though i felt like i’ve hit it countless times before?

because now, i am finally willing to fight for what i want even if it’s the hardest thing i’ll ever do. once school starts, my days are gonna be long as hell. work during the day, and schoolwork on evenings/weekends, so logistically i need to make my life flow to accommodate how hectic my schedule will become. i’ll do so with the following steps:

gonna clean my apartment and car to stepford-levels of cleanliness (in progress, about 50% done). will also go on an organizing spree. i’m generally a neat person, but it could always be better you know? my state of mind is usually amplified by the state of my surroundings, so that’s one of the best ways to help myself.

gonna stock up on non-perishables/cat supplies/toiletries to keep effort spent on grocery shopping and errands to a minimum from september to december. 

gonna nail down a healthy meal prep routine so i can properly fuel my carcass through everything. cereal for dinner won’t cut it anymore.

in general, i will develop solid self-care routines in the areas of sleep, fitness (will work in occasional exercise where i can to let off steam), food, and giving myself mental breaks. again, this will keep me from losing my shit. 

this is my 4 point plan, and notice how little of it has to do with school itself. but i know that if i take care of myself properly, i can ground myself enough to get through anything. 

studying, homework, going to class, the pressure of exams...i feel confident, finally, that i can take all of it on. in fact, i’m starting to feel my old competitive spark slowly coming to life again, and i’m tempted to say bring it on.

and sure, Fear isn’t going anywhere. i haven’t vanquished it or anything. far from it; it’s still right there, making my chest tight when it gets really bad. but what’s changed is that i’m not afraid of Fear itself anymore. that is a huge distinction i’ve had to make, and it’s taken me years to get here. it’s much easier to do The Thing and confront Fear while doing so, rather than avoid both The Thing and Fear altogether. because that way of life was miserable for me, whereas option 1 will actually yield results. and weirdly enough...avoiding Fear doesn’t even make you like, less afraid or anything. what the hell?

so, after years of struggling and cowering and letting myself off easy for everything, it’s that simple. i’ve boiled my approach down to something weirdly logical and direct, because i’m over this shit, to put it elegantly. i will enthusiastically and unabashedly go after what i want in life, and when Fear inevitably pops up on occasion, as it always will, i’ll acknowledge it with a nod or a small dab (lol), and then continue doing what i was doing. i can be afraid without letting it paralyze me. fear isn’t really able to stop my body from doing what i want it to, i can actually smash my way through that mental barrier. i think that is what is at the core of the concept of bravery, and anybody is capable of it (yes i got that from soul eater, a life-changing message). 

so i simultaneously feel insanely motivated and driven for the first time in years, and also scared as shit. it’s the strangest feeling, a kind of nervous euphoria. but it’s okay. knowing that if i just trust the process and take things a day at a time, i will get to where i want to be eventually; that makes it so much easier. in my mind, this lends incredible significance to every little step along this journey. keeping good work habits and taking care of myself are what it’s going to take, and truly understanding that every Good thing i do for myself, even the tiniest thing, is what will get me there one day. it removes resistance from my thought process, and resistance is usually what gets me to cave, and run away. it makes every difficult, necessary step worth it to me, and that is what fuels me.  

so ultimately, my conclusion is this: i’m just going to have to get strong enough to carry my fear with me throughout the whole journey and use it to fuel me, instead of letting it pin me in one place for the rest of my life. and that’s the thing: invariably, over time, the relative burden of that weight decreases as you get stronger. 

so knowing that, how could i not just charge forward like a maniac, fear be damned? because the truth is that i can overcome it in the present moment with enough effort, and in time, it won’t take anywhere near the same amount of effort. pain is always temporary, so i don’t need to fear it right? i just have to use pain, and Fear of pain, and that’s the promise i’m making to myself as i attempt to close an unpleasant chapter in my life. 

i’m finally getting back my drive, my spark, when for so long i just tried to convince myself i didn’t actually want the things that i did. i thought that my goals were unobtainable, that i was too weak or incompetent to achieve them, so i may as well convince myself i didn’t even want them in the first place. isn’t that sad? it really is, and i’m trying to reflect on Past Me with compassion, instead of frustration for all the lost time and unhappiness. it won’t change anything, and i want nothing more than to move forward. because one day, it will all have been worth it. 

#diary of nova #holy shit this got long #it's a culmination of all my introspection and analyzing of my state of mind since april #that's my form of therapy #diving into my own mind for answers and trying to be 100% honest with myself #i know it's long but if any of you struggle with anxiety chronically or acutely #there are some tidbits in there that i hope can help you #anxiety

[ktaebwi]

[TRANS] ‘WINGS’ Concept Book Interview - Suga

© floofyjimin KRN - ENG © ktaebwi

『 What I’m thankful to Bang Shihyuk PD and our music production team is, there are originally a lot of people who don’t know a good sound even if we present them one. Everyone has a different preference so it’s hard to pick the sound we think is the right answer, but there’s always the sound close to the right answer in our music. Mixing or mastering is as important as composing, and having a company with the ability to differentiate between good sources and good sounds is a huge blessing. 』

2016 was a meaningful year to both BTS and Suga personally. “It was hectic. Lots of things happened too. My life’s always hectic but last year was even more so. We told ourselves ‘We went through a lot, everyone all worked so hard’. Luckily it turned out well so we could look back on last year like this.”

But you don’t seem to be carried away by that good mood. “We are a realistic team. We can enjoy the happiness because we have been and will be doing well, but we have never once been content with ourselves. It’s been like that from before debut. Every time we release an album, we always worry whether or not it would do well, and they said this album was the most important one. That’s why we received even more stress, but we do not settle and continue to work on it, that’s the strength of our team.”

Why? “From before debut, our company was small and had no money. We came out when the company was on the verge of falling down. Some friends who used to train with me left the company and even suggested going with them, but then I debuted. So we always tell each other not to be content with ourselves, to look forward and keep going. I think showing what we can do steadily is the top priority.”

How did you work on the album? From the mixtape released under the name of Agust D to “Blood, Sweat & Tears” and repackage album, you’re slowly reflecting the stories of yourselves into the albums more and more. “Bang Shihyuk PD-nim once said this too, a person would brighten up after releasing a mixtape. He even asked where that incisive person full of wrath from before had gone. It was my complex and the way to solve it was music that I need to make. Thinking about how many idols can have this chance, I’m making music in a very good environment. BTS, Agust D or a human named Min Yoongi, it all comes from the same person, so if I put in the real stories of mine, many people can listen and relate to it.”

What’s the difference between releasing as BTS and releasing mixtape? “My mixtape is purely just shouting out. (laughs) I figure that the influence my mixtape brings is different from what BTS’ albums bring, with BTS, I need to refine. Firstly, there’s not much I can use. To compress what I want to say into as short as possible, I have to think more compared to when making mixtape.”

Was “First Love” from <WINGS> that point of contact? “It’s a meaningful song too. “First Love” talks about the piano I used to play when I was young, which also means the only friend I had. I cried a lot while recording. I kept crying at the emotion explosion part in the latter half. It was when I just finished working on the ‘Agust D’ mixtape and moved onto the album right away, so I didn’t have much time, I wrote it quick and recorded all by myself. Right after I cried and recorded the song, I sent it and went to the airport, but then they called and said it might need to be re-recorded because the file was broken. I cried that hard while recording but! (laughs) I recorded again after going back to Korea and went to catch a flight again 4, 5 hours later. It was stressful but fun.”

What led you to choose the current message of your solo songs among many stories you can tell? “Bang Shihyuk PD-nim informed us there would solo songs when we talked about the album concept. I thought a lot about what kind of song I should do and suggested ‘So Far Away’, which is currently in the mixtape. It’s something I can pull off well and also public-friendly, so I asked ‘How do you think?’, they said it was fine but we need to discuss a little more. Then the song was put in the mixtape. After listening to other members’ songs, I felt like if my song is depressing, it would sag the mood of the whole album down. I asked how about doing the ‘tough’ style that I can pull off the best, but it would not fit the flow of the album. So I started making a rap-only track. Actually, the main line of ‘First Love’ is the same as ‘So Far Away’. I remembered the orchestra sesssion I wanted to put in but couldn’t because of the lack of time and made use of it. If you listen to ‘First Love’, there’s just straight up rapping for 3 minutes 9 seconds. It’s not that common nowadays so it was fun.”

You don’t tend to show your emotions much, seems like you relieve it through rapping. “I don’t think I live an ordinary life.. I started making music since I was young, and left home since I was young too. Many interesting things happened in my life. I don’t show it much usually. Basically not at all. But I always live hoping someone would know it. I relieve through music. It’s like I resolve it by performing and making music. I think of music as my release. That’s why I made ‘Agust D’ freely. It was a load off my mind.”

What happened in the past? “There was a time I had to live with just 300,000 won ($262) a month. I couldn’t eat three meals a day. It was hard and I wasn’t that rich, but I think I enjoyed it. Why? My inferiority complex and the desire of wanting to do well quick was strong after debut. It wasn’t like a total failure, just my high ideals made it hard. Back in high school, I spent my days playing around and having fun with my friend. I went to my old school, took a walk, sorted out my thoughts and got to know what I need to do.”

Is “First Love” or “Spring Day” the result? “Yes. ‘Agust D’ is my turning point. It’s probably the best thing I did in 2016. I was very emotionally exhausted then. There were also the worries of being an idol. I met an old acquaintance not long ago and they said I became a completely different person. If you ask me whether I’m satisfied with the music in ‘Agust D’ or not, I would say I’m not. I didn’t have enough time and many parts could have been better, but if you ask I regret releasing the mixtape or not, I want to say I really like it. The members said the same too. They told me my mixtape is too ‘fierce-fierce-fierce-fierce’. (laughs) I said I couldn’t do anything other than it. I don’t regret making it that way at all. I became more relaxed making music after that. More naturally too. There is no longer a limit like before.”

How did you work on “Blood, Sweat & Tears”? “I heard the beat made by Pdogg-hyung first and it was so good. What I’m really thankful to our company staff is, they always develop, even Pdogg-hyung and Bang Shihyuk PD-nim. Pdogg-hyung made half of the title track and the rest was on us, so I started working on it without much pressure. It’s like, if it doesn’t do well, let it be. I tend to be really stressed when working but that time I wrote the song while playing games. I unknowingly finished the outline after playing a few rounds.”

Was it difficult putting your individual into the sound or flow that’s different from before? “I became really sensitive to sound when working on ‘Agust D’. I modified every single beat and even personally participated in mixing. For this album, I would give it 93 out of 100 in terms of sound. What I’m thankful to Bang Shihyuk PD and our music production team is, there are originally a lot of people who don’t know a good sound even if we present them one. Everyone has a different preference so it’s hard to pick the sound we think is the right answer, but there’s always the sound close to the right answer in our music. Mixing or mastering is as important as composing, and having a company with the ability to differentiate between good sources and good sounds is a huge blessing. We all got goosebumps when we listened to the album for the first time in Pdogg-hyung’s room. Truthfully, it doesn’t lose to foreign artists’ sounds.”

Now you must have gained the confidence to be able to bring in a certain quality when making songs without worrying too much. “Good things don’t always come when there’s stress. I pursued for perfection a lot before. Actually, people called perfectionists, they’re not perfect, they have a complex there. You can’t know at the time how it would be when looking back after everything’s done. What makes it hard is keeping being greedy despite of that. Thinking this way eased my mind. I couldn’t live telling ‘So what if I fall’, ‘So what if I’m hurt’ through music. I can’t fall, if I fall it’s the end, I have to endure even if I’m hurt, I used to think like this but now my thoughts changed a lot, because I’m a human too.”

How high is Suga’s goal? “I think being a musician, we need to be satisfied as late as possible. Money and the standard of success are important too, but I’m just curious. How far can BTS and also Min Yoongi go? Bang Shihyuk PD-nim told us this. That at this level, we need to carve the new way for the juniors. Not the juniors in our company, but the juniors in the Korean music industry. I used to think whether we could success more if we debuted 3 years earlier, but not anymore. I think we too are walking on the way paved by many seniors and receiving a lot of generational benefits like Naver VLIVE and Twitter. We need to carve a new way so more musicians could introduce better music to the world more easily.”

How does it feel having people all over the world listen to your songs? “This is probably half of the goal I set before. I used to work as a studio engineer while composing and performing at the same time in Daegu. But there was no one when I performed. 50 people was a lot. I lost money every day, I didn’t even have money to eat after performing. I had had enough of it. If I want to make the kind of music that satisfies myself only, it would be better for my mental health to make it alone at home. (laughs) I came up to Seoul because I wanted to let many people hear my music, so BTS’ achievements feels like a miracle. It’s also the reason I became an idol.”

What stories do you want to bring people now? “Whether by rapping or by whatever method, I have decided what kind of music I want to make. Hopeful songs like ‘Tomorrow’ or ‘So Far Away’ from the mixtape. Many people find it weird how the least hopeful person would want to make such kind of music. (laughs) I grew up listening to Epik High. At that time, songs about dream or hope were a trend, and the reason I like Tablo-hyung was because he made that kind of music. I want to make such music too. I have an influence now, and I want to use that influence in the right direction.”

#bts #bangtan #suga #yoongi #cncptbook #translation #trans:interview #i want to rant but i have no strength to rant #this was like 4 pages long

[writewithurheart]

A Second Chance: A Dramatic Entrance

Chicago Med/Arrow Crossover 

Author’s Note: It has been a LONG time coming, but the next chapter’s finally up! And we’re finally up to the first episode of Chicago Med! 

Chapter 12

He really has no idea why he thought Chicago would be any better than Starling City. He hadn’t been in town for more than 48 hours and he’s already been in a train crash. Its like he attracted trouble, courted it even. From his childhood to his residency to his fellowship as a Trauma Surgeon, it seems he can’t go somewhere calm.

Or doesn’t want to. He can’t deny that he’s a thrill seeker.

Although showing up to his first day of work in the back of an ambulance, covered in blood wasn’t in his plan. He knew Chicago wouldn’t be serene but still…a train crash? Did these events follow him around? 

Read on AO3, FF.net, or below the cut:

He didn’t mean to traumatize the med student. He just had a job to do and do fast. So he had stepped in. Now, sitting in a quiet room, faced with the gash on his arm, he felt a little bad about it. Just a little. She had to get used to the pace of the ER. He didn’t pull punches. That wasn’t who he was, not since the earthquake. Leaving Starling had changed him. He wouldn’t coddle interns. It would hurt them in the long run.

Connor sighs and pulls off his shirt so he can get a better look at the cut on his bicep. Compared to his other injuries, this is nothing, a scratch. He grabs himself a suture kit and disinfects the wound. It’s long and deep enough that he’s going to have to stitch it, even if it would be a bitch to do himself. The rest of the doctors are busy saving lives and there’s no way he’s going to ask an intern to assist.

“Doctor Rhodes, I thought you could use these…”

He glances back to see the spare scrubs being carried in by one of the nurses. He offers her a barely there smile and focuses back on his arm. “Thank you.”

“How’d that happen?”

“Must have snagged it on the wreckage.” He would shrug if he wasn’t working on his own arm. He’d laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Chicago reminds him so much of Starling, so much so that the difference between him now and him five years ago is jarring. Before everything, before the Undertaking, before Tommy Merlyn died, he had been in love with Laurel Lance, had been fragile and…safe. Now, getting hurt in wreckage was common place, stitching himself up was a fact of life. No wonder Oliver had gotten stranded on an island and become a vigilante.

The nurse frowns at him, voice adopting a teasing tone: “You know we do have a couple of doctors around here. I could hook you up.”

Connor smiles and glances at her nametag. April. Oh, he likes her. Humor in the face of odd doctors. That’s good. Cause he’s independent and quirky. He likes people that can work with that. “I don’t need one. I could use a nurse though. Come be my other hand?”

She nods. He feels bad testing out his new back story with her. It’s technically not a lie, that he grew up in Chicago. He lived here as much as he ever lived in Starling City.  They joke about the situation, tossing words back and forth in friendly banter as he closes up the wound. She’s efficient as they talk, clearly capable. If he was still Tommy, he’d be hitting on her already, but he’s not. He’s Connor Rhodes. He doesn’t hit on everything that moves. He appreciates that she can be a nurse and just that.

…

Whispers follow him around all day. He supposes that dramatic entrance where he told off the Senior Resident What’s-his-face, didn’t help with flying under the radar. Nor the fact that he managed to butt heads with the Chief of Psychiatry, Dr. Charles. Or that he had to display his fluent Spanish when his patient’s girlfriend arrived with only a rudimentary understanding of English.

He does his best to ignore the stares and do his job. That’s why he’s here: to use medicine to save lives.

He had to fight to get Jamie on a ventilator, fight to get a kid with terminal disease treatment of pneumonia. It was one of those things he hadn’t expected to happen his first day. Then again, he was told that the worst part of practicing medicine was patients that wouldn’t listen to reason. Jamie had the right to refuse treatment. It was just frustrating. He’d had to fight Dr. Charles too just to get him to convince the boy to do it.

At least he and Dr. Charles ended up in a good place. Connor’s not sure he’s ever going to be on solid terms with Dr. Halstead. It started off Rocky and got worse. Seems like he wanted to pick a fight, like the fact that Connor had grown up rich had protected him from the world. He would like to throw it back in Halstead’s face, but he bit his tongue. Halstead wasn’t going to break his cover.

The view from the roof though, that was doing wonders for his peace of mind. It’s vaguely self-depricating, standing on the roof staring out at a skyline that reminds him of Starling, or rather what Starling looked like before the Undertaking levelled half the Glades. Oh, he knows it’s a completely Oliver-like thing to do, to stare off into the void and brood. At least he tries to make conversation with people when they approach him.

God, he could use a drink.

Connor takes a deep breath and closes his eyes against the setting sun. He’s had his moment, a break in his hectic first day, now it’s time to get back to work, time to save lives. That is why he became a doctor after all: to save lives.

…

The breather was just when he needed for his luck to turn, apparently. He came back from his break to test results that match his crash victim to Jamie, the college student fighting so hard to live with a terminal illness, the kid who just needs a pair of healthy lungs.

Coming off that high, he comes across the med student from earlier.

She’s hunched over the practice dummy, stabbing in a needle to practice her central line. She’s doing everything right now with her headphones blasting and blocking out the rest of the world. Her hands are steady, the motions sure. He knows first hand that real life ERs are never like that. Feeling a little bad that she’s probably doing this because of what happened earlier, he steps into the room.

“Central line. Can’t tell you how many times I missed before I finally got it.”

“I know how to do it,” she insists without looking over. “I just couldn’t do it in there.”

“It takes practice, that’s all.” And now he sounds like all his teachers, especially Doctor Corbal who insisted that if he spent half as much time practicing as he did flirting, he would be a great doctor one day.

“I’m fine with him.” She finally looks at him. “I never miss.”

“Yeah, he’s the ideal patient.” That’s the thing that’s so hard to understand in med school, that life is messy and hardly ever follows a textbook definition of anything, especially in an ER. “You can’t hurt him and his life’s not hanging in the balance.”

“If this rotation weren’t a requirement, I wouldn’t be here.”

Finally, the truth comes out. He’s oddly proud of himself for getting her to open up. “And where would you be?”

“I’m a lab person.”

Of course. “Pathology?”

“Maybe.”

That’s a yes. It’s adorable how much she believes it. “Yeah, every med student, once they start dealing with patients, thinks they’d do better in pathology. I did.” He’d insisted on it too, for months, right up until the moment he had to apply for residencies.  

She narrows her eyes at him, like she doesn’t believe it. “What made you change your mind?”

Connor shrugs. “I interned in an ER like this one. I saw people come through the door every day, on the verge of death and I saved lives. It’s different, working with your hands. It takes heart. You lose that in the lab.”

She nods slowly, turning back to the practice dummy. “Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Just you wait, Doctor…”

“Reese,” she supplies. “Sara. I’m not a doctor yet.”

“You will be,” Connor says with a grin as he walks out of the room. If she can channel that conviction into an ER room, that drive into helping a living, breathing patient. Then she’s going to be just fine. She wants to be good at this.  She just needs to get past that anxiety.

These people are starting to grow on him. Chicago was definitely the right choice.

…

“So, how was your first day?”

Connor laughs at the question as he walks down the dark street. “It was good, Felicity. It started out with a train crash and ended up with a life-saving lung transplant.”

“A train crash? Sounds gruesome?”

“It was rough. Something happened to the track. I was lucky I wasn’t in the car that fell.”

“Please tell me that was just a really bad joke and that you weren’t on the train.”

“This coming from the woman who runs around with vigilantes,” he teases as he slows to a stop outside the bar. Molly’s had been recommended to him by just about everyone in the hospital. It was apparently owned by some firefighters over at 51. “I made a splash when I came in with an ambulance and pissed off the Head Resident, who might also hate me because I grew up rich.”

She laughs. “Well, you haven’t slept with his girlfriend so he can’t hate you too much…you didn’t sleep with his girlfriend, did you?”

“Whoa, Lis! I’m not the one who had a habit of sleeping with taken women. That was my cohort in crime who now dresses up in green leather and shoots arrows in people.” A couple girls walk past and look him over before ducking into the bar with a giggle. He shakes his head. “Besides, I’m just trying to make friends.”

“Tommy, you’ve got like a magical ability to make friends,” Felicity sighs. “I mean, even if you’re Connor now, you’re still you. You attract people like…I don’t know…Frat boys to a toga party? It’s ridiculous. As if your good looks weren’t enough, you can talk to people without accidentally putting your foot in your mouth.”

“Felicity, your babbles are endearing. You literally have Oliver wrapped around your little finger.”

She sighs, a happy noise. “Yeah, I kinda do, don’t I?”

“Yes. You really do,” Connor says with a smile. “It’s nauseating.”

“You’re not even here.” She harrumphs. “How could you possibly know that?”

“John and I talk.” He spots Dr. Charles through the window. “Listen, I am about to go give a potential new friend some good news. Call you later? And then you can tell me about the date Oliver’s going to ask you on.”

“Uh-huh. You and John with your talks. And if Oliver ever does ask me out, you will be the first to know.”

“I’m holding you to it, Smoak. I better be the first call.”

A laugh. “Deal.”

“Call you later, Smoak.”

“Bye, Wizard. Make good life choices.”

#arrow fic #chicago med fic #arrow/chicago med crossover #connor rhodes #tommy merlyn #crossover fic