#i think im just gonna keep spiraling bc idk what else to do

[pekodayz]

uhhh............. ososan oc infodump but i laser u after u finish reading bc i am... out my comfort zone. vulnerable to everything (cries) I HATE BEING SELF CONSCIOUS . plz... read under the cut.. haha.

So I made three in one go, bc I wanted to have a trio...badly. They were initially just my basic ocs, but I realized it would be funny to change them and put them in hell. (stripped of their powers and forced to be human ??!!) Their og clothes were good (they're cute ashell but I NEEDED them to be in casual clothing). So I was thinking about ososan, then my brain clicked. After like 3 weeks of me losing files, getting petrified. drawing something else to cope, and staring at other ppls stuff... I came up with those designs. I AM SHY PLEASE FORGIVE ME and the grammar idk it's 3am...and im a bit nervous

So there's Aini (she/her..5'2) . "what the hell is that "fufufu~" for??" "..I-It's my signature laugh..shut up..". She has a complex where she thinks she's better than everyone else. Cocky. She's a (squints) a chunibyo...and a tsun___.She finds this world boring and a waste of time. She believes that she is a demon, and that she is surrounded by petty humans. Don't mind her, she's harmless. Unless she gets like flustered, then she pulls out a gun and gets trigger happy. (misses every time). She does know deep down, that she's playing a delusion...but she immediately removes that thought once she spots an unsuspecting victim. I think she just likes making rivals. She does get emotional and will break her act when she is at her most vulnerable state. It's rare, but it happens. She is a walking anime stereotype.

Then there's Molly (she/they..5'7). They are a sweetheart...most of the time. She's a bit of a pushover at times, but she does have another side. They care for their friends very, very much. She's the tallest of the three. Why does she always look afraid? Like they just saw a ghost...what...? Nothing is there, everything is a-okay. She lovesssss anything sweet. They get fraps...every, single, day. They can't help but drop an unusual amount of money on a sweet treat. She shares with Aini and Usiuii, they both r foreva grateful for her kindness.

Usiuii. (she/her..5'3). Stoic. Stop staring at me...why is she getting closer?? I don't know what's going on in her head, but she has some sinister vibe that travels with her every step. (jk she just wants to say hi :3!!!!) ...okay she does have some slightly evil tendencies. Keeps Aini in check by slamming her in the head with her bass. (just imagine Usiuii holding it like a bat and aiming for Aini's legs) She has a shark-toothed smiley face, wishes she can eat gum properly. High pain tolerance. She has a side gig. It's suspicious. If you do find her at that gig, do not approach her. She will spiral if she sees anyone she knows at this place, and will chase you down.

They all love pachinko. Molly thinks it's like Vegas, so she drags Aini and Usiuii with them. Aini loses the most, Usiuii is in the middle, Molly wins the most. Aini goes into a frenzy and starts to violently shake the machine, trying to force those damn silver balls to start pouring out. In the midst of her frenzy, Aini accidentally smacks Usiuii in the face. They both start fighting, looking like idiots. Molly gets her cash and pulls both of them by the collars with a disturbing look. They leave. Aini is quietly sobbing. Usiuii is counting Molly's winnings. Molly is staring at the sunset while pulling the two. (fucking idiots: she thinks while giving them a warm smile)

As for jobs: Molly works in the corporate world. She hates it...but alas, it pays well; they're just gonna have to force a smile and keep going. Every waking moment, her boss keeps giving them more work to do. Pushing her around...Molly silently gets angrier by the day. They are testing me, she smiles through the pain.

Usiuii and Aini work in a convenience store. They both love it, they can be as stupid as they want to be. Huhuhu!~ Pathetic humans in need of MY service?? Hmph. I SUPPOSE I can help you. "....isn't that your job." ".....uh....y-yeah....." (i guess u can imagine Aini leaning over the counter when a customer is about to pay...saying that...plz stop aini, you're being bizarre.) Usiuii gets realllyyyy close and welcomes anyone who comes in, she finds their reactions funny. Takes 15 steps to you: WELCOME...!~ (she gives them a wide smile, then she bursts into laughter)

The three of them would befriend Chibita. ummm bc they pay their tab as soon as they finish. And they love. love eating his oden. like it was a gift sent from the heavens. I guess they would also rant to him about their lives.

Aini thinks the matsus are figments, like how are there that many copies of one person...just there? (this is just her trying to make life a bit more interesting..don't try and school her on sextuplets, she will tune you out. ("I AM NOT A FOOL! I KNOW THEY'RE REAL, IDIOT. DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME..." teary-eyed) Molly tries to believe they r all good citizens, blah blah blah... sees them in action. ....immediate mood change.

I think the 3 would befriend totty first....bc uh...let's just assume he still works at the cafe, okay? since molly is always getting frappes and stuff. She eventually makes small talk with totty, and yknow yay a friend!11!! They rant to him a lot, considers him a dear friend.

Ummm maybe aini would "befriend" oso at some point but like its a rivalry thing idk. it's funny. to me.. It would prob be over pachinko, aini won for the first time and she rubs it in his face. he wins, he rubs it in her face hahaha (stares at wall) .they find each other slightly annoying, but good company. i think aini would be playing one day, and stumble upon him being there..then stuff insues, omg yay friend. they both knock each other out. idk they prob get drunk one night and kiss but its like ewww cooties!!11!1 then they stare at each other. silence. "....that was gay." "....pardon?" (slams head on counter)

Usiuii hmm would be fwiends with choro bc she finds him funny .,,,looking. got em yeah. okay..fine jk they both love idols. but Usiuii does NOT want anyone to know. she begs choro not to tell a soul, threatening to take his if he dares. usiuii...what. she's supposed to be the cool one, not the one who goes bonkers over idols. but..yknow. they both fangirl over stuffz yeah...

WHAT IS ROMANCE. I DONT KNOW. (I fold on real-time romance…expect goofy shit instead. like in the anime’s!!!1!!)

umm yyahhh im exhausted. thank you for reading. i will work on their ref sheets very soon!!!!`` lhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oc brainrot starts......when i wake up in the morning . line up -> infodump -> ref

EDIT: i add stuff as i lay here in bed (steam comes out of head)

They all drink. but in moderation…maybe. then they beat the shit out of _____________ ____________ group attack i think. gag. haha (puts finger down)

who would get drunk (first to last): aini usiuii molly

Molly has warm hands, but when she gets nervous, they have the tendency to fidget them together a bit. Then they catch fire. oh no…..

Usiuii keeps putting her hand in the oden, to take a bite she gets yelled at every time. She says she feels no pain, therefore it’s gonna be okay guys. (she smirks, chibita chucks a hot piece at her)

Aini sometimes wears those anime head wing thingys for fun. but uhhh she plays the role. they’re not real, stop wearing them on the job. (Someone just roleplay with her for a few minutes. Then she won’t have to be so cruel with her words)

I think molly is like retsuko (yknow from aggretsuko) since their job pisses them off. she breaks, and goes on a long winded rant, full of evil. Then it wears off, and she’s all like “oh my god??!! im sososoosossoos sorry..!” then they look like they killed someone. plz forgive her.

okay they love u very much, but they might kill u in a triple attack (hearto)

#AUGHHHHH #(dies) #this was my top 3 longest rambles #i need a shirley temple #thank u for reading. #MY GRAMMAR GETS BAD TOWARDS THE END #ososan oc #ppp

[yuukei-yikes]

would you talk about shintaro's romantic relationships post str? im really curious about how what happens between shinaya breakups and after. how'd he hit on takane? how did they get together with kano? what does ayano think abt all of this?

ive had this ask in my inbox for like 3 weeks idk why cuz i love it but. ok u gotta hear me out for a second. im gonna repeat myself A LOT A LOT ALOT but i have a lot of fun doing that💗 this ended up super long because im sick in the head.

after shintaro and ayano break up shintaro is like. OK HE'S SPIRALING DOWN. but it's a lil more nuanced than that it's not that he reverts back and it is exactly the same as it was and he's just whining over ayano shut in his room. deep down and truthfully he's totally relieved. he wasn't ready to be in a relationship, just like ayano, and while this isn't the only reason for their relationship's demise it is basically the core problem, and out of it a million other problems are created.

during the time he's like. recovering. or whatever u wanna call it. he dooooes sort of revert back a lil bit to being a shut in but not really bc now there's everyone around and no one will let him actually do it LOL also he's definitely not as despaired as he was back then. and takane is there for him a lot. also haruka and momo and just generally the dan even if the mekatrio wanna kill him with hammers. sidenote on that i think ayano after cooling off she would explain it wasn't entirely shintaro's fault and she was also kind of a dickhead in the situation (ayano was projecting all her pain on one person and taking out her sadness and frustration solely on the relationship when she was really hurting abt literally everything else. this also wasn't fair to shintaro and she knows it) and mekatrio are like oh my god our sister doing wrong?!?!?! completely possible she is a person. continue <- except kano. we'll get back to him.

i think shintaro rather takes it as an excuse to finally break down as if he didn't have the right to before, a bit similarly to ayano he was in denial of all this baggage. like it was really a match made in hell LMAO but basically shintaro is STILL in denial even after breaking up while ayano is picking herself up which is why she even ends things in the first place

while he's in this state obviously takane's worrymeter chart goes off and breaks and explodes and shintaro sorta reverting triggers takane into sorta reverting so then theyre back to being alone in his room. LIKE i keep saying shintaro is terrified of the unknown, like he's seen the same thing over a hundred times and he can remember it all but this is new and it's very scary.

so it's comforting to be back in his room with takane. because thru it all he's also resenting takane because all this time they were supposed to be like this duo or whatever, like in ALL routes they're ALWAYS together she is always there with him and she just. cannot remember that. they were together for a year but for shintaro it was one year a hundred times and for takane it's JUST one year. their codependency comes from this, for shintaro it was so much more time and for takane even if for her it was really just a year she made shintaro her LIFE so it's just as heavy for both. sorry their friendship makes me so crazy

and when shintaro is off horribly dating ayano, haruka and takane are being normal and picking up where they left off and being cute and working on their problems together and etcetc like I've talked abt it in a post lol but basically harutaka drives shintaro crazy because he's like ohhhh my god why does SHE get this. why is takane managing so well. subconsciously ofc my man has NOT the emotional capacity to identify that feeling so he expresses it through live shintaro reaction. like as he and ayano go more and more downhill, takane is more and more self aware of their codependent dynamic and yknow WORKING ON IT. like its simultaneous how shintaro is losing both these relationships so fast at the same time.

so when the breakup happens and shintaro is NOT OK, of course takane puts a pause to everything and is by his side. for shintaro this is super comforting not because takane is there for him and she's helping but rather cuz. yes. THIS is what i know. THIS is comfortable. and as a plus to shintaro, takane reverting her progress probably means she reverts progress with haruka and that makes shintaro a little relieved he's just like thank god im not the only one fucking up💖 takane and i are 2 different sides of the same coin so she can't run she's just like me for real💖 that's just his sick narrative btw. in reality takane is totally aware of what's happening and overdue giving shintaro a smack in the head

like it WONT BE LIKE IT USED TO because THINGS ARE DIFFERENT!! takane cannot dedicate her life to shintaro and the fact he sort of expected her to do it again is insulting to her. like from shintaro its very unconscious he doesn't do it on purpose he just refuses to think outside this box of personal narrative he's built. its not like shintaro is being a dickhead like hey Live For Me Again he rather shows it in moments like, he's surprised when takane says she has to go bc she has work or bc she made plans with haruka, or how he will call her at any time unannounced and be like. hey on ur way here can u get more coke ok byeeee and she's like. it tells her he EXPECTS her to put him before everything like she used to and it pisses her off.

to rant a bit abt the "personal narrative" of shintaro. i think it's interesting that shintaro is essentially a very self centered character and kagepro is very meta in the way it treats him as a main character. because inside of kagepro, he really gets as much focus as any other character, they're all "main" character to us. its rather inside the story he plays a very important role therefore he is the protagonist and as the protagonist he puts an end to the story itself too. i think this is all interesting together and fun to dissect shintaro's character as inherently self centered because that's what the story is. it shows not only in the way he acts even without retaining activated, but he is really in the center of it, and the way he handles it in everyday life once this story is over and theyre free from a narrative in the first place, is self destructive (and fun. to me) because its not compatible to being a normal fucking person.

so yeah it IS taking him a bit to really LOOK at his friends and stop looking only for himself. technically he's lived a hundred doomed lives and now he's here trying out this one and again it is scary and new and well. he is trying to navigate thru it, even if not in the best ways. he takes takane totally for granted because of this. in the narrative she has always been his sidekick. she has been the second main character to him. she has always lived and served him in all timelines, in all the time theyve known each other that she can't remember and he can, takane has been ene and ene has always been his annoying lap dog he hates as much as he needs in order for the story to move forward. so takane also being her own person outside of him, moving on, finding love somewhere else and OUT LOUD tackling issues like hey we have a codependent dynamic going on we should work on, IS ALSO STRANGE AND HE DOESNT LIKE IT. he shuns it completely whenever takane brings it up, which she does a lot as time goes on. because time keeps going on. it keeps passing by. and everyone around him seems to be growing up and that's so infuriating and so terrifying and ayano dumping him is as much of a reality check as ayano asking him out in the first place, and he doesn't know what to do with it other than cry and thrive off the attention takane is giving him again

i think takane would try to do what she does and be silly as fuck to distract shintaro but this time also sorta mixed in with actual talking unlike how their dynamic used to be. not to repeat everything i just said but YEAH shintaro is taking her for granted, he already was but when he and ayano break up it sort of gets worse. the way takane isn't reacting how he expects her because she's... not playing a role, she is just a person. she is growing up and moving on and this serves as extremely horrifying as well so he. teehee. enter kano

kano enters the picture in between shinaya breakup and takane having enough. shintaro and takane still share this dynamic but shintaro keeps being forced to look at the reality of his situation and the way he's been self sabotaging all of these relationships and he haaaates it and i think while kano is dealing with all his own baggage he is SO mad at shintaro for his whole thing with ayano and kano is Very emotionally smart he just uses it for evil&malicious purposes and also he is so petty all his eq becomes constipated and destructive. but like he knows it. he knows he's hurting himself by approaching shintaro who he KNOWS he likes and he isn't even sure himself if he's approaching him because he likes him or because he hates him. kano has so many mixed feelings over shintaro especially in this scenario where a messy shinaya breakup takes place.

kano gets close to shintaro because he knows he's at his lowest. he tells himself it's to irritate him and to throw things on his face and just to be evil or just to watch him suffer from up close but shintaro's out here looking like a kicked puppy and kano is whipped So Bad he can't help IT!! but not even he knows with WHAT intention he approaches him with. and he hates himself for it bc auugghhhh ITS AYANOS EX FIRST AND FOREMOST AND HE HURT HER AND AYANO CAN DO NO WRONG NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS AND I HATE HIM but kano and ayano sharing their shit taste in guys is his demise. he likes shintaro dammit. so no matter WHY, he gets close and well they kiss a little.

from shintaro's side IVE SAID i dont think shintaro hates kano as popularly believed idk i think he's rather confused with him and even understands why he's so icky around him bc he's overprotective over ayano so like HE GETS IT. i think shintaro and kano get in this AUGGH SHUT UP IDIOT dynamic that goes both ways exactly here because shintaro isnt in a great headspace like always but now especially and kano is just a fucking asshole. so they hang out and its awful and also a relief to shintaro because it feels good to be finally held accountable. this is also how he feels when ayano breaks up with him, tho for her it's also mixed with so many other things like a reality check. that angry ayano is unfamiliar and strange and freaks him out. but when it was over it was a relief because it meant he was free of that relationship he didn't want to be in (entirely. of course ayano and shintaro love each other and get together because they wanted to, but sadly love is not enough sometimes) and he was also free of having to see sides of ayano he isn't comfortable with seeing yet

with kano that isn't a problem because he's always been a little shit so it's a win. also makes him feel responsible, also a win. but seeing shintaro be accepting of being at fault it makes kano so damn angry too like UGH WELL IT WASNT ENTIRELY UR FAULT!! AYANO ALSO DID THIS AND THAT like EXACTLY as ayano has been telling kano when kano kept antagonizing shintaro in their breakup, ayano keeps explaining her side of things and how she wasn't entirely innocent either. and kano doesn't wanna listen but still parrots all of it to shintaro when shintaro keeps having a pity party and shintaro's like wow. i never saw it like that... and kano's like WELL THATS WHAT ID SAY IF I DIDNT THINK ITS ALL UR FAULT. WHICH IT IS. U HURT MY SISTER WHO CAN DO NO WRONG I HATE YOU. I LITERALLY CANNOT STAND YOU and then they kiss. because theyre crazy.

anyways. also terrifying. 1. unfamiliar. 2. gay. so shintaro is losing his damn mind like the whole thing is his extended freak out about the narrative being over and living in the good ending basically lol. so at his wits end he IS INDEED going to takane. everything is falling apart and nothing makes sense and he can't feel grounded and he feels so sick all the time and THAT'S why he turns to takane. the one constant!!!

takane is the one constant. takane is who has always been there. and because he needs at least 1 more punch to be able to see clearly that's how he turns to her and "hits on her" as I've put it in the past LMAO i think that's very simplified but u asked specifically how he does this and man i wanna write it so bad in a fanfic like i keep saying but OK BASICALLY its not that he Hits On Her its rather that he's like talking to takane as if she hadn't made any progress like him . he's like what if we make ourselves a favor and u move back in my comp 💖and we live driving each other crazy forever 💖wouldnt that be crazy. and takanes like YES that WOULD be crazy. amd shintaro's like "RIGHT it would TOTALLY be crazy LOL!!! but erm. HEAR ME OUT" because he thinks she's still barely holding it together and assumes she's still obsessed with him which she isn't, i picture this happening one or two years after str so takane's like. living her best domestic harutaka life. she's FINE. and shintaro's talking to her like she isn't fine which has been pissing her off already from before but now its in one culminating moment. because it's ok to hold ur hand on the journey to heal but if u refuse to keep fucking walking listen eventually the person is just gonna let go of ur hand my man

he asks takane to live with him forever because of how terrifying the good ending is and in his stupid personal narrative she is also still struggling so win win!!! THE ROMANTIC ASPECT OF IT comes with ayano&kano being part of shintaro's love life and the 2 people who he's been driving himself crazy about and is using takane to distract himself. so he puts two and two together and is like well wouldn't it make sense?? as icky as it is??? to be with takane??? because he is stupid and i find this extremely comical. i dont know if he would actually fall in love with her i think it's rather that he convinces himself he is because it makes sense on paper to him. he probably writes down all these conjectures and nodding like well of course it makes sense. like all the people he knows are parts of a math problem or some shit LMAO

in this math haruka's (old) insecurities of takane choosing shintaro over him are included too. shintaro's mistake comes in the fact haruka&takane's relationship does not pass by him and he has a very simplistic and self centered view of it. in reality haruka isn't as insecure if at all by then, and takane has been trying to deattach from the dynamic with shintaro for a while now and instead is attempting to be regular friends. like haruka and takane are married mode by then, having grown as people and as a couple but shintaro is so stuck in time and in need to give everyone a role that works for him that he fails to acknowledge that detail which is WHY he can approach her so easily. he's like I've done the people math this Makes Sense and its Fine it will all work out in my favor. he's nervous and pathetic of course but he's delusional first and foremost. i think the "hits on her" is rather shintaro&takane having a very fucked up talk that escalates and takane gets angry very badly lol. I Will Write This.

erm. that's how it happens. i think as he talks to takane and it becomes clearer and clearer that she is NOT in the same page he begins to despair abt it because his carefully calculated social plan is finally falling apart. and with it being a 2x1 because it makes his friendship with haruka fall apart too who through it ALLL from ayano to takane to kano has been telling him SHINTARO YOU ARE SELF DESTRUCTIVE PLEASE BE CAREFUL. ive also gone over that in an ask but lol yeah💖😀

for what ayano thinks of it, ayano and shintaro are completely taking a break from each other during all this but i dont think she'd be angry. she's completely focusing on herself (in a good way unlike shintaro) and working on her own baggage so she's like aw. poor shintaro. haruka&takane are probably a bit annoyed at the reaction bc he's a dickhead but ayano probably puts it more in perspective. takanes like yeah but it doesnt mean i cant be angry. ayanos like yeah ur absolutely right im still furious with him😊 <- while looking like that. but ayano's an empath💗 so while she is angry and sees everyone is angry she's still like, despite it all they all love shintaro and hope he will take these things to finally better himself. it's very frustrating that shintaro only understands when he drives u to a point of screaming and crying and then u feel bad for him even though HES the one who drove u to that point. he will be ok he needs the company of someone who won't keep giving things to him and give nothing in return. he needs the company of someone who will do to him the same he does to everybody. that said kano has been hanging out with him A LOT.

kano is there for shintaro they both crash and explode together but somehow pick themselves and each other backup. like it's a whole thing💗 i think ayano is on top of everything she's like it will be UGLY. but it needs to be done💗

shintaro also gets a therapist😀 sorry if i have a delusional design and hcs for shintaro's therapist like she's an unnamed oc. whatever.

ayano is busy with herself to worry about shintaro's mess. she still does but not before she gives herself the time and space she needs. a talk between them after certain time has passed would be so interesting and do so much good to both. but heh. sorry did all that answer ur question

#ask tag #headcanons #kagenalysis #ayashin divorce

[stitchthesewords]

Scar just watching appreciatively fondly when Mumbo unbuttons his shirt LMAO I know I already said that but I needed to highlight it here-

I love how scary Scar is in this jkgfkjfd like that man is SCARY even when he's smiling I love it <3 The fact that he can just so casually mark someone (well, mark in the literal sense of marking them with a glyph hjfdsk) and pull up a barrier and well he's fae so like. Scary <3 my beloved-

and Mumbo's serious attitude versus Scar's seemingly laidback attitude I love it <3 One of my favorite dynamics honestly <3

"Are you a vampire" "Yes." Short, simple and to the point lol. Mumbo's inherent distrust of Grian and I'm just like. Get used to him sweetie that's part of your future right there <3

ALSO THE CONVENIENCE OF SCAR JUST BLOCKING THE ROOM OFF TO KEEP GRIAN FROM FOLLOWING and just. Accidentally trapping Grian inside with the intruder lmao WHOOPS. Grian casually being birb and perching on the chandelier, it is CRIMINAL that I didn't think of that aw man, I love it-

THE FIGHT. GRIAN FIGHT. HE GOT SOME FIGHT. He might be light and have bird bones but he know how to FIGHT ahaha and OF COURSE it's then that Scar and Mumbo show up. Wonder how far away they were when the gunshots went off....

Scar being more miffed about the floor being ruined because he CHOSE that specific hardwood for MUMBO jhkflsdkghj AND MUMBO MAGIC MUMBO MAGIC we get a glimpse of MUMBO MAGIC AAAAA I love it already hjgfjh <3 I can't wait to see more of it at work 👀

Grian literally jumping across the room (with the help of his wings) after Mumbo startled him and Mumbo just like so not impressed or amused lmao I cannot WAIT to see how the tide turns with these two I just hgfdjkgfdjk

But hey, CONVENIENT WAY to prove you're not on the enemy's side~! Lmao <3

ANYWAY EXCELLENT AS ALWAYS THANK YOU FOR FEEDING ME WELL AFTER THIS TERRIBLE DAY OF WORK <3

He is looking disrespectfully |D hnnnnnngh my scary pretty man. I haven't fully figured out how fae magic works since I'm just going with my gut here but hnnnnnnnnngh. I love him

Y E S Somebody needs to be serious or else nobody would take scar serious and that would be terrible for business fdhklsgh. though you know, as seen above, scar's scary in his own right but its just like - if YOU saw that man interacting with someone in public no hackles would raise at all. Now if you saw that man with a critture stood over his shoulder -

ALSO YES ASDFGAKDLFG I feel like its always Scar v Grian when it comes to like the three of them and MUMBO V GRIAN IS SO FUN ahhhh especially considering they are in Mumbo's Domain and NOT Scars im dfsldfkgsd 👀👀👀

LMAOOOOOO I do love the "Alright I'm gonna keep you here to get you out of the way - oh good the way went to you" trope it is one of my favorites. Now of course the question remains - who or what is The Way 👀👀

ALSO YES I literally started this AU w the intention of having Grian fight in the first story but it wasnt in the cards so HERE HE GOES AHHH - of course with the disadvantage that he's never seen a gun so in his head he's like "Its like a cross bow right" WRONG. INCORRECT. It is a good thing that shot hit something vital-- ASDFGH I MEAAAAAAAAAAAAN The manor is Big but it's not Getting Lost in a Maze of Cooridors Big in my head so who knows 👀

SCAR MY DESIGNER LOVE I have some Plans for that tbh coming up and I am Very Excited because this Au started VERY actiony but theres a whole lull/fluff/.....idk piece i've got in mind coming up bc Scar has Stuff To Do and ahhhh my lil designer ALSO YES MUMBOS MAGIC AHHH The og vampires I'm basing my ideas off of are like. 12 years old from a story I handwrote in a spiral notebook and it feels SO GOOD to dust them off and actually write them decently

BIRD BOY PESKY BIRD BOOOOOOOY I am discovering I really like writing Bird Antics so I had to sneak something in there just like right at the last second dsfkljasg

Ah yes 👀👀Convenient 👀Prove 👀👀👀👀👀👀

<3 <3 <3 <3 ASFGDFGHLKHKLSDFSHKL THANK YOUUUU

#Mumscarian #Mumscarian Rift AU #hermitshipping #Ask #Rift Asks

[frostbite-the-bat]

goofy ass ms paint werewolf eating a mango as a divider between the rant under this bc i do not wish to be precieved rn but i still wanna rant some thoughts out

random lovely guzma urge to delyeet everythin on myne site bc not only did i make it for petz things back when i was active between petz folks and got some encouragement there and ended up never finishing petz things for it, but i also feel horrible and uncommited for it being hosted and made on weebly and for bein too lazy to yeet my shit over to neocities just cause that shit gives me a headache and instead of getting inspired by people i feel jealous and unwelcome

also been working on my sleep schedule its a bit better now and im like. better in general now..? idk how long i can keep this up but getting up early makes me just. so tired like all day urgh i do not understand how i used to keep myself up when this tired. tired tired. brain empty. hard to do shit for long. defo needs more breaks but i swear to god everything feels like its frying my brain but i got nothin to do indoors. guess i can go draw traditionall but i end up putting such high expectations on myself i just yeah. fuck it up. get stressed. not fun. i need to stop thinking about others bc i keep thinking i put effort into smthn i need to show it off.like if i wasted time here i might as well. no this isnt showable it sucks damn it

even stuff i do draw purely for myself as self indulgent shit i go urhh this aint right

oh and then i try doin a lil excercise so im not like. physically diyng but my god that tires me out like instantly. but its okay, baby steps.

dont know what sort of place i am in mentally. the type id prolly spiral a bit over if it werent nice and 2 pm. wacky stuff. i wanna maybe do some stuff but ugh my brain just. isnt big thoughts when im tired. but honestly when am i not tired. and i am getting art done but i cant get myself to draw all day again ill end up in pain again my hand rn already is being a bit of a bitch

uhhh played pokemon in the morning but i need better pokemon already. i fuck up every raid (raids i need so i can get better mons easier) (and my shiny ralts i want easier)

hmm maybe i need a break from stuff but what kinda break what even is relaxing in my case? and "break from people" is a slippery slope of self isolation i always slip into. bit difficult to figure myself out

also, different thing, but ive been considering this for a good few months now and kinda ignoring it but i read one (1) thing and i m intrigued to do more n more research now but man do not like how moral ocd clicks perfectly with a lot of my most common issues . so i guess thats a thing to consider going into (like research) . if it helps .bc dear god i am Sensitive

but uhmmm yea sleeping better now ig like i went to sleep around ONE. my usual sleep time was 5-6 am a while ago !!!!!!! 1 am has always been my kinda usual time. man and i used to do that even when i had school and i *functioned* with less sleep. how did i do that. uhm. not well i guess

but yeah. things.. arent feeling right and i kinda wanna wipe my brain. also the neocities thing seems to be a part of my issue of (ppl who dont care abt me) r gonna thingk i suck bc i dont do (this that i find difficult) (coding) i will be exploded forever and shunned andhated

uhmmm what else yea last thought i forgot as i was gonna type it and the last thing i am deciding not to share anyway bc Shame so hooray

guy who is eeypy tired

i am just realizing how like tired i am but if i go nap ill make it worse so uhmm cope i guess lmfao at least it keeps me going to sleep at a more regular hour but like srsly brain we got around 8 hours of sleep why are you tired we used to get less and function fine. maybe not as good but we functioned

#vent #rant #??? i dont know im not feeling emotional currently. putting myself and my thoughts under #a microscope i suppose #keeping reblogs on incase i wanna add to this but i swear to god if anyone #rbs my personal vent post again bc of an image attached #i dont care i will block you

[ifeelsoemptysometimes]

I have a gynecology appointment and I'm terrified out of my mind. Just thinking about it makes me feel my anxiety in my throat and tear well up in my eyes. Maybe I've just thought about it too much but im just. So afraid. I told my grandma how I've had a pelvic exam as a kid and I'm pretty sure I was left traumatized from that bc what else explains my strong aversion amd fear?? She looked sorry for me but of course wasn't able to say much to me. She told mu aunt and she said I was just embarrassed and nervous. Nut I knwo those feel like, and sure I do feel those things its normal to fee like that but I also feel such a deep and strong fear. Panic attack level fear. That's not embarrassment or nervousness. Of course I understand that she of all people wouldn't have really understood so I didn't take it to heart. It's not like she knows me anyways. I also told my mom and she also didn't know what to say and told me so. It felt nice to be honest. She didn't just brush me off as if im being crazy. Bare minimum I suppose. But yea. She said that she wanted me to do it in the States but idk how much it's gonna cost me there. It's only gonna be 800 pesos here which is about,, 60 bucks? So it's literally do obvious. And my cousin is gonna go with me instead. I cant help but worry tho. I'm afraid that I'll have a panic attack and that I'll be called crazy. I tend to shut down-ish, depending the situation, and if im conscious, I'll try to calm down but it seems that if someone tries to touch me I'll freak out and start screaming. It's kinda harrowing imo. Not to mention the draining of energy that happens afterwards. I'm afraid that they'll think im fucking crazy or some shit. That's even more embarrassing in itself. I'm also afraid that I'll spiral bc of it, fall into some sort of depression... I know im just catastrophizing but I can't help it. I'm so terrified that I could vomit. No one i I talk to understands how I feel and it's so distressing. I need to keep talking about it till someone understands. I need someone to understand my fear and not just think im being exaggerated or a crybaby. This being said... I hate how it makes me wish Donnie could just hold me and tell me I'll be okay. For him to hold my hand and just confort me. I'm so pathetic. But hey that's how I cope I guess. It feels like thats they only thing that could relieve me. Ugh. So stupid. So yea. I'm just... not well. I suppose I'll update myself on here tomorrow. How knows maybe it won't be as bad as I feel it will be. Maybe im just my chronic anxiety talking. Maybe. Well see.

[anotherblogforborderlines]

damn wouldn't it be something if i could figure out whether i loved or hated myself?

#actually borderline #actuallybpd #bpd feels #actually bpd #man how do u be a person #i feel like im waiting for something but idk what anymore #i think im just gonna keep spiraling bc idk what else to do #why do i miss when i wasn't able to communicate anything ever? #does it take the responsibility off of me? #i didnt even know then #i didnt know #i know this is probably a jarring post compared to my last one but #yeah its pretty jarring to feel too #bc my heart is on my sleeve here #congratulations the only time i can be honest with myself is in tags of posts #bc the tags dont carry w the post #im not really doing too well i think #and all i know how to do is keep going #but i feel like im malfunctioning or something #i used to be capable of focusing at work #it was like the only thing that made me feel normal #and i dont even have that anymore #i used to refuse to break down at work #but now its just me in my room #alone #and none of my friends would ever fucking know unless they found this #how tragic is that. #sorry this is so so long but lets be real #no one read this far

[thesmallestwhaleshark]

Dont read this lol

#idk guys shit just be bad for me rn #no one needs to read this and if you do how dare you for not following the instructions #but anyways #i feel like shit lamow #so im basically manipulating this guy into liking me bc he already did and i was like sorry but im gay just wanted to tell you before things #got too far and he was like aha ha no but ur so sexy ahaha and basically didnt take no for an answer the first time so i got his number and #have been faking these flirty texts so emotionally kick him off a mountain #idk i havent thought it thru but im in too deep to quit now i think... its making me feel bad #bc like im not a mean person usually but this seems like a special case so idk whatever #and i keep having this fucking thought that im not gonna put into words bc that would make it real and i want nothing more than for it to go #away and leave me alone for fucks sake its driving me insane but whatever ill just have to deal w that ig #also im switching rooms w my brother and its turning out to be more work than i thought so now i have that going on #and i just feel like im spiraling and everything in my brain is telling me where im gonna end up and i cant fucking take it anymore #but i dont want to talk about w anyone bc again that would make it feel too real but it already does feel too real bc these fucking scenes #keep playing out in my head and theyre so fucking vivid that it feels like it already happened but it doesnt make any sense bc if it had #already happened then something else would be different and i know thats vauge as fuck but i cant go into detail without feeling like shit #idk what im saying i think i just had to say something before i fucking go crazy and start crying but whatever #only like one person is gonna read this and im not gonna answer follow up questions im just gonna pretend like this never happened so yeeyee #gn everyone

[bulkhummus]

Welcome to Night Vale SPOILERS/////

listened to wtnv 171 again and having big thoughts and feelings about a cecils literal manic episode about (literally, heavily implied) killing the version of himself in the mirror while on public radio in light of wtnv 192

some quotes that really got my gears turning regarding the big plot drop of supposedly cecils father and his inability to remember correctly (not new But really prevalent in recent episodes) and im not making connections or anything im just drunk and spitballing and the episode really had some gnarly philosophical questions dinnit?

1. “If you think about a memory long enough, doesn’t that mutate the truth? Isn’t every act of remembering another log on the fire of lies?”

“You think awareness and manifestation are one and the same, don’t you?”

vs

“Could that [a crack] be an egg, or a twig, or a leg? Narrative is everything, isn’t it?”

An unreliable narrative is one of my favorite things in story telling. One of my favorite books has to do with the unreliability of memory, and how a distorted memory (from time, trauma, bias etc) comes to be the most accurate version each time you remember it. It gets watered down each time. I think its cool that Cecil is aware of that, and also that its understandably a huge point of distress for him. He’s constantly misremembering and eventually trying to decipher if what he feels or thinks is even real. Pulling things out of context often makes them seem crazy, when there is no narrative to connect them. Cecil’s job is literally to offer that narrative, but what happens when he can no longer supply a somewhat coherent one? What happens to Night Vale? Why does cat ballou not hold up anymore? also i love that cecil watches the movie on repeat (mentioned at some point) bc its like that thing about people who are anxious like to watch things theyve seen because its low stakes and you know whats gonna happen and you dont have to make space for new story or characters in your head? IMAGINE PUTTING ON YOUR COMFORT MOVIE TO FIND THAT ITS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT???????? ouch

2.“When was the last time you saw your mother?…Did she lean over your sobbing face and ask you: ‘Why are you crying when you don’t even exist?’ Did she tell you again about the mirror?’”

vs

“What unholy monster [the one in the mirror] cries like a child, what does it want—Why won’t it stop?!”

“Did you ponder the idea that such a coat was so basic, [angrily] so unassuming, so without frill or feature that no one had ever thought to create it? [angrily, scarily] Do you want to know what’s in the drawer below the table?”

I like here, that these quotes are kind of like call and response within the episode. Cecil talks of his mother asking him why hes crying, and moments later Cecil wonders why the monster in the mirror is crying. His mother tells him he doesn’t exist (SO fucked up) and moments later he’s the angriest he is the whole episode (voice literally rumbling goddamN BALDWIN) talking about how something could be so unassuming that no one bothered to even spend the time or energy to make it. Didn’t think anybody would need it or want it. Why else would they include that angry thought about being so unneeded that the thought never even crossed a persons mind to make the thing? It it weren’t Cecil talking about himself? Panicking about his existence and if he’d ever been wanted or needed to the point of him being there for whoever does?

2. B —“You didn’t ask for any of this, did you? But what have you ever asked from the universe that you could not get yourself, and when has the universe ever obliged?”

c-carlos? Maybe is that one thing possibly, good, that has simply happened to cecil ??? (And Their SON??? Obviously but that wouldn’t have happened without carlos there) im just thinkin abt it

3. “What was it your mother said before she left home when you were a teenager? Did she tell you she was an oracle?”

CECIL IS AN ORACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE I wrote a big long rant about wtnv 192 and now I listened to this episode and had a conniption when he mentioned her disdainfully being one. A mother telling a child they know them and who they are can feel like divine truth, and if they call you a monster and tell you that you don’t exist, then is it still divine truth? Is she still all knowing? Do you believe her because shes your mother and mothers know best?

4. Do you notice it wears black rings?”

Cecil says this of the monster in the mirror, and says this about the man digging into the tree in wtnv 192, and he thinks that that man is his father. BUT if the monster in the mirror is the cecil we know, who killed the mirror version of himself from another reality who was a teenager (as it’s been implied since cassettes and the intern anyways) then what does that imply???? oy vey

IN CONCLUSION : none of this is literally an essay about anything. Im just drunk on a sunday and put on night vale To fold clothes. i wonder if other people in night vale are as fragmented by the weird reality bubble they are in as cecil? he seems to be caught in the in between one foot in and out With cal and his father and sometimes knowing carlos and sometimes not and whatnot

ALSO AS A FUNNY SIDE BAR: IMAGINE BEING A PERSON IN NIGHT VALE maybe u just cooked dinner maybe ur taking a drive and the fucking local radio host is just having a manic episode with severe instances of unreality (in every sense of the word) on the radio ?????? i so deeply wish after weird episodes like these where cecil is just balling out in the disassociation soup that in the following episode someone would say something about it in passing like “yeah what WAS that the other night cecil? u know we can hear u when u do that right”

also in the REAL world like our world, cecil is a direct metaphor for ptsd, feelings of unreality brought on by anxiety, period of disassociation and just like the mental state being fragmented by trauma. Its like such a direct metaphor lmao.

also like the episode had everything and Cecil Baldwin really used the full command of his voice. truly bonkers, that he could pack so many different emotions into a 25 min spiraling monologue. it could have been so boring but he really organically (while still imploring Cecil palmers flare for radio host dramatics) had the full decadent range of delicious anger, fear, disdain, apathy, panic, disgust, demand, hollow joy, etc and that he sounds so BITTER at the end when he says “wont you have a good night, night vale?” it feels like such a slap to the listeners face because while we get to end the episode (and the town in the show), cecil palmer continues to writhe in these questions and worries and fears. Like it was SUCH a good way to end it.

—also all the funky sound design is so good and I like then warped version of the main theme! they should do more of that (tastefully)

if you’ve read this far godspeed and keep on trucking idk what the fuck was in that vodka lemonade but im wired

#all of this is MY OPINIONS not facts so dont be mean im just having fun #tell me your thoughts i want OLEASANT DISCOURSE #PLEASANT BEING KEY #Come chat with me about it and also anoht what the FUCK carlos’ role in night vale is and if its really him just being cecils husband #Wtnv #Welcome to night vale #thought tag #Wtnv spoilers

[lesbeet]

this morning i was thinking about how emotionally stable i am rn considering it's my pms week which tends to fuck with my head really badly

and then i snapped at my 6th period class (which is not something i do) bc i was frustrated with them, and one especially awful kid in particular. i didn't yell at them or anything but i was like "i gotta be honest, i'm not really sure what to do here. i know this isn't everyone's favorite subject but i'm trying really hard to keep class as interesting as i can, i chose not to make you read a book during this film unit, i let you vote on the film we're gonna watch, i tried to find example movie clips that you'll actually enjoy, and you're still just sitting on your phones and not paying attention or participating, so i don't know what else i can do to keep you engaged." and nobody said anything and i was like "that was a question. what can i do to get you more engaged in this class?" and they all just stared at me and a couple seemed really taken aback bc i don't usually talk to them that way obviously

so of course the one kid who's been a shithead all year made some stupid comment and i transitioned into the lesson and just tried to act normal lmao. they did seem like they were trying to participate more

but while we were watching one of the movie clips i caught myself spiraling and i was like ok no this is stupid. they're one of my better behaved classes except for that one kid, and on the whole they didn't really do anything egregious, i need to chill and probably apologize bc i feel like i freaked some of them out a little bit lol.

so after we were done going over the notes i was like "i'm sorry that i got a little intense earlier, i'm just frustrated" and one kid goes "it's ok!" rhsjsksks so i was like "you guys are still my favorite 6th period class ok? and i really do want you to enjoy being here, i just need you to meet me halfway" and then it was fine

but idk even though i feel bad i dont feel THAT bad bc like. comparatively it was just your everyday teacher speech about them not doing their work or paying attention or whatever. ive been in classes before where teachers genuinely lost their shit and yelled at us and this was definitely not that. mostly im just like oh. ok so im not as emotionally stable as i was just thinking this morning lmao

#honestly im proud of myself for catching myself spiraling and just taking a deep breath and letting it go #there are past versions of myself who would've let it turn into 'im the worst teacher i should just kill myself' #and then go cry in the bathroom #so yknow. little victories

[trashcreatyre]

I'm gonna explain one of my TMA playlists bc I've been wanting to do that for several months, and how else am I supposed to procrastinate my animatic project at one in the morning?

(here's the link to the playlist bc I think its pretty slappin')

General:

Body Terror Song By AJJ-

I know that it could technically be a flesh song, but I feel like its a bit more vague than that? if that makes sense?

The Afternoon By Lemon Demon-

there's gonna be a lot of Lemon Demon songs in this lol- This one is also pretty vague, but for some reason it kinda reminds me of Michael specifically? I don't 100% know how to describe it.

thrifted youth By dalynn-

Most of the descriptions/reasonings in the general section are pretty simplistic and vague huh? I guess it just kinda fits the vibe? I might be saying that for a lot of the general ones-

Aurora Borealis By Lemon Demon-

this one reminds me of the season five, kinda feels like a jmart song. (also you'll probably notice that there's not much in the ship theme in this playlist. I like to keep my ship playlists separate from my more general ones, don't know why.)

Under My Skin By Jukebox The Ghost-

just kinda fits the vibe y'know? other than that I don't really know.

Turn the Lights Off By Tally Hall-

i can't actually remember why I put this one specifically- that's a bit unfortunate-

When He Died By Lemon Demon-

This one mostly just fits the vibe, makes me think about the really old Victorian era statements.

Ancient Aliens By Lemon Demon-

again, fits the vibe.

She Doesn't Sleep By Anthony Amorim-

Feels like a random statement tbh. also reminds me of Not!Sasha too.

Nightmare Fuel By Lemon Demon-

funky song- fits the vibe- I don't know what more I can say-

Everybody Loves Me by OneRepublic-

I don't remember actually???? I think It was an Elias one??? but thinking about it now that doesn't really make much sense???? I'm gonna keep it tho, fits the vibe, at least it does to me.

Bloody Nose By Jack Conte-

fits the vibe :)

Christmas Kids By Roar-

I think I saw an animatic to this one time? now I can only think of the season one archival staff,,,, my beloveds,,,,

La nuit en matin By OH MU-

imma be honest, I have no idea what this one's actually about, but It lowkey reminds me of the intro music during end of season three- y'know, the clown vibes :D

9 to 5 By Dolly Parton-

Archival staff moment

American Healthcare By Penelope Scott-

I guess it could technically be seen as an End themed one? but I put it on bc I felt like it fit the vibes (are you getting sick of reading vibes? i'm getting sick of typing it)

Butch 4 Butch By Rio Romeo-

mostly just the rat filled piano line,,,,,, and also it fits the vibes to me.

Oblivion By Grimes-

Kinda feels like a statement?? In a way?

Murders By Miracle Musical-

the vibes. hopefully thats the last time i type that for this-

oh yeah woo yeah, we're onto the specific Entities now B) lets start with the one that probably has the most, if not, it sure feels like it-

The Spiral:

Spiral Eyes By Rewenge-

yeahhhh,,,, I know it doesn't really fit the vibes all that well, But the title fits and I like it so-

The Distortionist By Ghost and Pals-

this one is SUPER obvious, but it fits REALLY well in my mind.

Out of Her Head (Outerlude) [From The Film Possibly in Michigan] By Korban Baxter-

I can literally picture this one- I lowkey wanna do an animatic of this one one day.

A Crow's Trial By Vane Lily-

OKAY- so this last one is because it's the song from an absolutely GORGEOUS animation/animatic by Akidachi on YouTube, I ADORE this animation. please watch it omg-

again, I'm like, 90% sure that The Spiral has the most songs on this playlist, definitely not a bias or anything. next up is the mf uhhhh-

The Corruption:

Spiral of Ants By Lemon Demon-

no explanation needed.

Maggot By Slutever-

Mostly just the name, but it's a good song too so-

Sick On Seventh Street By Sarah and the Safe Word-

fits the vibe title and actual song wise.

in retrospect under my skin probably could be here-

The Web:

Redesign Your Logo (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

Feels like a very web song,,,

Boris The Spider By The Who-

Spider,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Spider Dance By Toby Fox-

Yes,,, like from undertale,,,,,,,

i think thats it for the web (i swore there were more,,,,)

The Lonely:

Nobody By Mitski-

C'mon, you didn't think I WOULDN'T put this one on, did you?

This December By Ricky Montgomery-

idk what it is exactly about this one, just,,,, feels correct?

Blue Jay Way By The Beatles-

MANNNNNNN- i love this song, my mom hates it- that's unrelated- but I always just feel like there's fog or like, an eerie sea, or something- while listening to it. it feels very lonely-

I'm a Member of the Midnight Crew (1909) By Eddie Morton-

I have no idea why spotify suggested this song to me, but I will never not find it funny. Anyway- reminds me of the crew on Peter's ship :)

The Stranger:

Rattlesnake By Kabaret Sybarit-

Idk, feels like smth Nikola would sing at jon- idk how else to explain it-

A Mask of My Own Face By Lemon Demon-

pretty self explanatory lolll

The Slaughter:

War Pigs By Black Sabbath-

war.

The Hunt:

The Hunter By Slaves-

maybe this one is because it's because it's litterally called the hunter, and that they say hunter a bunch, but it is fun to listen to-

Teeth By 8 Graves-

I cannot remember my reasoning at this current moment-

The Flesh:

Body By Mother Mother-

the lyrics do be fittin doe

The Dark:

Everything Goes Dark By The Hoosiers-

i mean- everything goes dark- what more do you want me to say-

Dr.Sunshine Is Dead By Will Wood and the Tapeworms-

i think its mostly the song's vibe and the title.

The End:

The Trick to life By The Hoosiers-

the trick to life is not to get too attached to it.

Memento Mori: the most important thing in the world By Will Wood-

remember death.

YOOO OKAY NOW WE'RE ON THE ONES THAT I HAVE ACTUAL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT NOW- at least for the most part-

Characters:

i think i'm gonna go from least to most for this- (spoilers, Jon has the most ones because I care him)

Cryptid Hunt- Demo By Averno, Sushi Soucy-

this one makes me think of the WTGFs,,,,,

You're at the Party (Bonus Track) By Lemon Demon-

makes me think about Micheal Shelley,,,,,,,

Saint Bernard By Lincoln-

Alice "daisy" Toner moment-

Mary By The Happy Fits-

mary keay,,,,,,

there used to be a gerry one too, but the more I heard it in the context of the playlist and him, It just didn't fit,,,,,

Ew it's Elias/jonah time-

The Fine Print By The Stupendium-

capitalism- jk- kinda- Idk, just feels like it fits because he really just kinda,,, doesn't care about his employees-

How Bad Can I Be? from the lorax-

I had to-

Boss 3 from the terraria soundtrack-

Listen- I don't know why- but- it has elias/jonah vibes- the vibes are fowl, but the song is good.

Ruler of Everything By Tally Hill-

Panopticon/eyepocolypes time-

Ayooo it's jon time- I really hope I can write out my thoughts in a way that makes any kind of sense- /foreshadowing

A Sadness Runs Through Him By The Hoosiers-

Goddddd,,,,, he's just kinda filled with sadness and survivors guilt, just like, all the time huh?

Home By Cavetown-

the lyrics are just- very him- like- I just gjbdjgsflkjns-

Broken Crown By Mumford & Sons-

frick- the foreshadowing was accurate- the best I can describe it is that the lyrics just???? y'know??? hhh why am I like this sometimes-

Sweet HIbiscus Tea By Penelope Scott-

i'm willing to bet that he never wanted to be the main character-

Honey I'm Home By Ghost and Pals-

I saw a Jon centric animatic to this one time- I can't for the life of me remember who by, But everytime I hear the moth lines, my brain goes ":0" Because I remember there was a time when people kept drawing moth jon- I don't know where that came from but I thought it was very cool.

Who Are You, Really? By Mikky Ekko-

I'm like- actually starting to get frustrated with how poorly im articulating my thoughts right now- this just isn't funny anymore-

Sleep By My Chemical Romance-

I'm not actually sure why for this one- I just remeber putting on my black parade CD, hearing this, and being like, "damn, that do kinda be jon tho-"

I hope you enjoyed my ramblings- tbh, all this sounded and read out better in my head. My words might not make sense, but I do like how the playlist is. also im very tired, maybe this would've been written better if I wasn't struggling to keep my eyes open lol. I'm gonna fall asleep now- or maybe i'll post a spiral themed doodle dump again, who knows. I don't know.

#tma #oh god im literally too tired to put so many tags #i just cant #the magnus archives #playlist #spotify #spotify playlist #my brain actually hurts #im so tired

[hawopro]

i’ve been thinking a lot about what yonghoon said and honestly it's been weighing my mind bc i relate to it so much

whether you're an artist, writer, gif maker, or in this case, musician, when you put your effort into something you love so much but no one can recognize it, it can really be demotivating

it's so easy to spiral down to 'whats the point no one will see it anyway'

‘whats the point of writing this fic for a 15 yr old fandom that no ones gonna read’ ‘whats the point of giffing mubo when a set that took 6 hours gonna get like 4 likes and maybe 2 rb 1 of which is mine to bump’

and if you're a creator, maybe a small fandom creator, you probably have thoughts like this before

and it's completely valid

but i found what helps is going back within yourself and thinking about why you're creating in the first place

go back and remember about the satisfaction you felt completing a work, the joy of learning new things for a project, the freedom of creating purely because you want to

go back and remember about how happy you are seeing that clip of your fav over and over again while you were subbing or editing; or that time someone said nice thing in the tag of what you thought was a flop set

and at one point you will be content to create for yourself and it's okay to just create for yourself

it’s also okay to stop if creating for yourself doesn’t make you happy anymore

but it’s hard, that’s why i like to use the word self-indulgent as much as i could to remind myself that i create for myself foremost, and if other ppl like it, thats great, if not, that’s okay too

i hope one day he can find peace within himself just to create his music without thinking about being more well-known to the public

but i think what makes me feeling all these feelings is

i have fallen out of love with music before

i still cant pick up the violin without thinking about being sleep deprived in the practice room at 2am, eating dinner that i packed in the morning bc i havent gone home while looking over sheet music, about the disappointment on my teacher’s face, about failing my jury

to put in so much effort, and still not being enough? to slowly fall out of love with something you spent years pursuing?

like he said, you really can’t keep going with persistence alone, so i get it, i get what he’s saying

thats why it makes me sad that such worries are on his mind on top of everything else he’s doing

of course he’s human, he gets sad and he worries, and im glad he’s sharing them with us

i just wish i could somehow let him know that we can hear him, we hear what he wants to say in his lyrics, in his melody, we can see the effort he puts in

that it’s okay if he’s not superstar famous, that he’s not failing anyone bc he feels like he can’t repay their love or support by being less known or whatever

i think yonghoon is fortunate to have four members accompanying him in this journey, he isn’t alone, and i hope they can pull him out of his head when he gets like this, that they can help each other in time like this

all i want is for them five to be happy and healthy

however, i sincerely believe onewe will get their due recognition with time bc they're so very talented speaking objectively

we just need a little patience

and if you’re a small creator, with time, you’ll also find someone out there who is into the same thing as you are

and you won’t feel so lonely anymore, and you won’t feel as bother with notes and comments when that one person have seen your work, hear your voice

i just think it would be neat if that one person is yourself you know

idk where i was going with this _(:3」∠)_  thinking about love and falling out of love got me in a mood, so i just want to get it out...

#personal #rambles #was gonna say on twt but it got long real quick

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

Uhm, my day was decent? I mean aside from the fact that mornings exist and I did not want to wake up in time for my shift at work. But. And the end of the day when I have literal hours to do stuff after.. it works out cuz. Usually I get off and its oh shit I have enough time to halfway emotionally recharge and then its time for bed.

But. I got in and E^2 had put like. My name down on the schedule, and. That was great really. And we had this sheet for sign up of, basically what areas you want to be personally responsible for. And I signed light and it was great. And I dont think anyone really noticed cuz the manager wasn't there and no one else really looked at the schedule or anything else. But. It made me happy.

Still haven't gotten my name tag changed and honestly I dont think I'm going to. Cuz. I feel like I'm just being a bother asking again. But. It is what it is I guess.

I got off at five and its now nine and ive just been vibing in the car listening and singing to Spotify since I got off just trying to keep the sad at bay. And I should probably go home but. I dont want to. Cuz I know I'm just gonna wallow in the sad and self destructive tendencies if i go home.. If I ask nicely will the fae take me in as one of their own and I can become a cryptid in the woods?????

I have a three day weekend coming up and im considering doing a touch up on my hair since its really washed out. But I cant decide if I wanna keep it fully red or try and do like an ombre double tone thingy.. but I'm not sure what other color I'd try to do to the tips? Idk

I kinda wish my hair was longer so I could do like. The galaxy hair thing? Where its various shades of purple and blue and some pink and it looks different depending on how you style it. But I also know attempting to grow my hair out longer than I already plan to is a bad idea, cuz the sides and back are already getting too long and I hate it. But I wish I could do fun stuff with it too

Oh well. The duality of man i guess..

Uhm. I bought a giant plastic egg the other day, that reminds me of a dragons egg kinda. And I'm trying to decide if I should keep a hoard of dice in there or a hoard of crystals. Cuz. Dice and the clacky math rocks. But. Also shiny crystally gems

Speaking of dice I also really kinda want to try and get into a dnd group, but social anxiety and I have zero idea where to start with that so. That's fun.

Im currently resisting the urge to go and get more holes and metal in my head too. I just. The red hair makes me feel cool and powerful and I wanna look punk and

Sorry I've been rambling for like half a novel. I'll stop now before I get annoying. I mean I definitely already am. But you asked for asks and distractions and 👉👈 I love you

Id ask about your day but you seem to want a distraction from that sooo. How about, got any fun headcanons to share??

Thats awesome on the name front!!! I saw that and I got really excited for you when you posted the picture this morning, honestly I think you should bring up the nametag again, esspecially if its showing up on the schedule too. (Oddly enough I kicked around the idea of using a new name with friends and sruff today which is weird mostly bc like i like my name irl, its fairly androgynous and it makes me happy and i love my online name bc it means me :))

My vote is two tone!! I almost did a pink/purple ombre with my hair this round so I say do ittttt (that's also what I say about the extra holes and metal. Do itttttrrr)

That would be a hard choice but u do really like the idea of a giant dragons egg full of dice ngl. I need to find some people to play with too. I'm trying to get b and c in on something but idk if its ever really gonna pan out the way I want it too. My town actually has a pretty active dnd community but I am way too new and way too socially anxious to ever join something like that so I feel you there.

100% not annoying, each paragraph made me smile more. :)

My day was actually mostly ok, i just sorta ruined it with Danny at home. I just pointed out that the idealized dream band life that I wanted and thought I had was what she got and that it made me kinda jealous and she pointed out (correctly) that I'm jealous of so many aspects of her life that she now has a list of things she can't talk to me about for fear of setting me into a spiral and just. Yeah. That wasnt fun.

But work was ok. The kids all were really tierd so there was a fair bit of crying going on, but the weather was really nice so we got to go outside with them for a long time and that was very nice. I also got some really sweet cuddles from a few of them that made me very happy.

Oh! I also have a funny story about them!! So I was squatting (my main position is almost like Spiderman bc I'm down on the kids' level but i can also get up and move if I need to pretty quick) and one of the girls goes and gets a book, then stands right in front of me and points at the floor and says "sit" in the most authoritative voice I have ever hear from a 1 1/2 year old 😂 as soon as I sat down she was in my lap and opening the book so I could read to her.

As far as headcanons.... Sadly my brain is bouncimg mostly art ideas for the Tamgled au and not anything of substance so I may take a crack at that later. Otherwise I keep thinking about whumped up Will crying on the floor and Maurie finding him. Really I'm just thinking about Maurie and Will being bros. A lot. So much. God I love them.

#also i love you

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

#jackal.txt #android infinite au #i need a proper name for this #infinite the jackal #dr starline #starfinite #long post #idw sonic spoilers

[alanncs]

hi my angels ! my name’s dani , i’m from toronto ontario aka best city in the worldt , & i’m 20  !  i’m the kelsey m on the main  &  i can’t tell u how excited i am to have wealthy up n running again !  i literally can’t wait to plot with all you beautiful peoples , so pls like this  &  i’ll slide in the dms , otherwise u can also hit me up on discord 𝒎𝒈𝒌'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒆 .#1958  !!  i’m gonna put all you need  2 know about alanna below aaand i hope y’all like her ! <3

new york’s very own alanna d'alessio was spotted on broadway street in gucci bee sneakers . your resemblance to hailey baldwin is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty first birthday bash . while living in nyc ,  you’ve been labeled as being reticent , but also gracious . i guess being a scorpio explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be anything pink , the lingering smell of weed , and a cigarette between her fingers . &  ( cisfemale & she/her  )  +  ( dani , 20 , she/her , est . )

                    *  /   𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑠 .

full  name  :  alanna  marie  d’alessio  .

age :  twenty  -  one  .

hometown  :  new  york  city  .

zodiac  chart  :  scorpio  sun  ,  aquarius  moon  ,  libra  rising  .

character  inspo  :  alyssa  (  the  end  of  the  f*cking  world  )  ,  marissa  cooper  (  the  o.c  )  ,  hanna  marin  (  pretty  little  liars  )  .

                   *  /   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚   !!  tw  : kidnapping , ransom , drugs

alanna was born heir to the d'alessio family which came with the billion dollar dynasty that her parents created . 

her dad is an italian government official  but they grew up in ny basically bc her dad is an ambassador/representative for italy  &  her mother is a super model who also wanted to raise her kids here having lived here her whole life , and so they did . 

she had everything handed to her on a silver platter and her parents expected nothing but success from her because of how wealthy they were, they knew they would never have to worry about providing for her and her siblings , and so they spoiled her with whatever she asked for and more

but that came with a price, she was expected to do everything they wanted of her, go to an ivy league college, follow in one of her parent’s career footsteps

alanna did just that, she got amazing grades in high school and was head of many student clubs, organized prom, got almost perfect on sat’s and exams, and busted her ass to get into a good college despite the fact that her parents could’ve easily gotten her a spot if she didn’t do as well as she did

her life was going so well, she had the perfect boyfriend, perfect group of friends, was on her way to brown university in a couple of months, her parents and her couldn’t have been in a better spot with their daughter

the last thing they expected was for someone, a stranger, to get their hands on their daughter . a week after her 18th birthday , she’s walking to school on a monday morning and before she knows what’s happening , there’s something over her head and she’s being dragged into a van and taken from her life

the one thing that was expected, was the $10 million ransom she was held for

basically her dad had some shady dealings with the italian mob & didn’t pay his debts to them for some time - so they kidnapped alanna in retaliation for that

they kept her for 3 days before her parents were able to work with the authorities to get her returned and pay the people in full

surprisingly, she was returned alive but she had to spend two weeks in the hospital afterwards with injuries

once alanna was returned, she wasn’t the same

she told the police what happened to her , but only barely . she didn’t tell her parents or anyone else about what they did to her when she was gone .

she didn’t speak , eat or sleep for two months after she got home

she spent the last few months of her high school in bed, she didn’t attend her graduation, deferred from going to brown in the fall, she didn’t see her friends anymore and she broke up with her boyfriend

the people who took her were never caught & she is still to this day completely terrified of going anywhere alone

she never walks anywhere alone  

it took her months to be able to get back to doing normal things again and being who she was before

to this day ,  alanna still struggles with the memories and the ptsd from what happened to her , but she doesn’t speak to anyone about it and she refuses to bring it up in any scenario

she also has a horrible relationship with her father now , having trouble forgiving him for what happened to her

some people know about it as obviously, being as famous as her family is, it was on the news at the time, and everyone she went to high school with knew what happened so sometimes it can be hard to avoid it

she wants to forget - here comes her secret - she got into drugs after the kidnapping and it quickly spiraled out of control , now she can’t seem to function without them because they’re the only thing that make her feel normal and make the memories fade

anything she can get her hands on rly

but the media think she’s an angel , her reputation has been kept p much pristine her whole life . and her parents have no clue how much she’s struggling or how much she’s changed . so if this were to come out , it would tarnish not only alanna’s reputation but her family’s  as well

                                         *  /   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚  !!

after deferring from brown ,  alanna knew she had to find some way to keep herself occupied and make money , even though she could live off her parents for however long she wanted

alanna wants to be . miss independent .

so she started getting into modelling , bc of her mom it was easy for her to book gigs

she was able to book gigs like adidas , guess , calvin klein  etc  !

so  that was super exciting for her bc she got really into it and  enjoyed doing it sm

she started acting about a year ago - started off in a few movies , & now she’s currently starring in a netflix series - smth similiar to elite or on my block !

oko so in high school alanna was super bubbly , and just like the really overly nice girl that would talk to literally every 1

but it worked for her bc she was  voted prom queen  and valedictorian ! even tho she missed graduation . yike

Anyway now ! she is not v much like that anymore , except  when she’s super high .

since her kidnapping alanna has been closed off and aloof . in general , she’s not as talkative

she says what she thinks but it usually comes in one word mumbles

can sometimes b very entertaining  . she’s kinda like paris hilton a little bit

also think Marissa from the oc !!

call her a  spoiled brat she’s gonna be like “ yah… and ?”

she  can be very selfish to a fault  in certain situations

and very defensive if she feels attacked, judged , put into a corner , physically cornered , etc

she’s a hopeless romantic at heart and dreams of having an epic love story

but she  has Hella trust issues which easily lead to commitment issues for her so … she will cheat “by accident” lol

that’s why she tries to steer clear of relationships but she also has such a big heart she  falls in love 5 times a day sffsdkj

also w  how much this girl  can sleep around it’s not happening any Time soon 4 her ! she enjoys being single a lot

Bc she likes to get wild

shes like nicole richie on the simple life when she’s partying  lmao

like she likes 2 fuck with ppl sometimes lol , like she will flirt w anyone and everyone just cus she’s bored

umm she lives  in sweatpants n crop tops !

her hair is either in a  bun or just down , she’s rly lazy when it comes to hair and makeup   . like if her makeups done someone else did it lol

Unless she’s like fully in the mood

ooverall she’s a rly sweet lil bean whos just scared of humans ! :’(

um ya idk im always developing  her but IF U read  all this  ilysm !

here’s her pinterest board for more of an idea !

                                  *  /  𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  !!

EVERYTHING   !  here is a link to my wc page & a link to my wc TAG which are both full of ideas so  msg me  & i’ll throw tons of ideas at u <333 let’s do it i luv plotting sm okay

#tw drugs #tw kidnapping #wealthyhq:intro #hehehe <3

[ts-2020-olympics]

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 2)

no. jk here.

So, it’s morning. I look around at our camp, and see everyone is at work. Karen is painting their flag and using safety scissors to cut out Monty’s head, Kevin is chanting to himself in the corner, Stoner’s been asleep so we buried him in the sand up to his neck and then sculpted a sand castle around him. Tommy is just trying to make eye contact with anyone he can and so I’m...avoiding that. I’d say we are solid but that’s probably not the truth, and so that kind of stinks. I’m hoping the newbies really fuck up, and I know that’s harsh but...that’s showbiz, babe!! Speaking of newbies I still haven’t talked to a few of them.  Emma like zoomed away the first day and I’ve given up on talking to her. Hope she goes first. That’s all I got for now, going to eat breakfast I will continue this rant later.

my truth is that i haven’t played an org game in so long i forgot i was playing and then remembered an hour ago and tried to do this wack qwop game hsksksj! my legs were not qwoperating 

I see there's an arena going on! I might go there first if the rest of the team is okay with it - gives me a chance to scope things out and get a feel for the area. I'm excited!

WE WON THE FUCKING CHALLEEEENGE AAAAA NOT ONLY DID WE WIN BUT WE KILLT IT WE SCORED 12 AND EVERYONE ELSE GOT LIKE 8 AND 5 OHMYGOOOD IM NOT GONNA BE FIRST OUT YALL IM SHAKING I CANT BELIEVE GSJDKDVDSNDBWSKHSD okAy okay so thank god bc my tribe has like no drama so our vote would’ve been really difficult and that gives me more time to think about my possible advantage and the possible bonds here. 

so while I am safe I still have to game a little bit and talk to the people I’ve been talking with who are going to tribal like Sammy and Jordan, funny enough who are on the same tribe.... maybe I can get them to protect each other..... hm

Well we lost because of technicalities, I choose to blame that. This tribe is apparently extremely quiet to each other, so the fact that I messaged everyone hello this morning, nearly 48 hours after the start, I am SOMEHOW one of the best social players here. Challenges are generally my strength, we got last in QWOP, so backup is social game in a social ORG. I can be in some danger here, but I think I have a TRusuT sclusTER to keep myself here. As is necessary. I don't care who goes, I have a preference, but I don't really want to set a goal right now. Flexibility is key.

I'm literally PISSED. I'm fuming right now, like wtf? OK so I haven't confessed anything yet because my tribe has been SO quiet. I've honestly talked a lot more to some of the people from ONE WORLD than I have from some of the people from my own tribe... and I'm not crazy okay? It's NOT my fault. I put in effort with these people... But some of these people are just DRY! Drier than the Sahara Desert! Drier than my chappy ass lips! They can't hold a conversation, and that's obnoxious. I'm not going to respond to you if your message has literally nothing in it worth responding to, that's why most of my messages will either have a follow-up question, or something actually of substance to comment on/reply to... YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME SO WE CAN ACTUALLY SPEAK AND MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT DIALOGUE!!!!!!! But NOOOOOOO, my tribe decides to not speak... MOVING ON! The only people I've had good conversations with really are Juls and Em, and lo and behold, Em does lit rally nothing in this challenge, which sucks because I'm afraid that may put a target on her back. But I'm not sure, I definitely will vote with her and I think Juls will too. I'll move onto that later but I wanna talk about why I'm fucking LIVID RIGHT NOW. I literally made SO many suggestions on how we could tweak who does what in this challenge, or what we do on certain parts. Now I'm going to admit a TINY bit of fault here, in that I didn't say my suggestions on the tribe flag. There are some things I think we could've done to make it better, but I love Juls, and everyone had already told her it was great, so I didn't wanna make her feel that I didn't like it or was over criticizing. So I didn't say anything. That was my bad. BUT EVERYTHING ELSE, LUV? I said We should guess lower than 610... Now granted my even 600 guess still would've been too low to win, BUT AT LEAST IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN OVERBOARD! HMPPHH!!!!! Or maybe we could've compromised on 605 if people hadnt IGNORED ME!!!! IDK!??!?!?! Further than that, I asked for different tweaking on the chant and nobody gave any suggestions. I'm not saying we would've won or anything had I taken the lead or that I was doing everything the right way,  obviously I wasn't since my chant got 3rd, but what I'm saying is once it became obvious the challenge was going to be about group participation and suggestion, our tribe needed to unify. Everyone in the tribe needed to have a clearer vision and talk to eachother and actually put in the EFFORT that this stuff requires. Which I'm admitting my own error, in not doing that with the flag. But our tribe was just so quiet and silent before now, which sent me down a paranoid spiral, that I was super fucking worried about my place in the tribe or where things were heading. Now I realize I'm in a good position on the tribe for sure, it's just that our tribe is STRUGGLING. ON THE (Mr.) BRIGHTSIDE!!! We lost by a tiebreaker guess, and only by 4 points.... and I'm pretty close with Juls, and it seems like a target will probably fall pretty easily onto Billy. He had the worst QWOP score, described himself as arrogant in his own intro, and just seems.. critical of others. He gives off a strange vibe. If it's not him, I'm pretty sure it'd end up being Jacob or Em. I feel that me and Juls are safe which is all that I can hope for on a tribe this freaking tiny, I instantly connected with Juls over our love of anime, the fact her name is the same as Euphoria Jules, and other stuff. As far as One World goes, I honestly keep forgetting it exists. I haven't reached out to too many of the others but have talked back to those who talk to me and it's been generally decent. I get along well with other Jacob, the not pie one. Caeleb I already know from before this and so I feel like we'd def work together, and I get good vibes from a lot of these people like Eve, Nicole, Ben, etc. Honestly I'm just so frustrated right now because things have been quiet and nervous and I'm PARANOID, and my tribe was so close to winning but fucked it up over minor things we could've tweaked had we just tried a little harder and communicated a little more. ugh, this SUCKS. now my first legacy in Tumblr Survivor is a mediocre chant (i honestly really like it and i put a LOT OF THOUGHT INTO IT OKAY....) and a trip to tribal council *Sobs* Here's hoping things take a positive turn from here...? It could always be the Bronze before my Gold! ~Hamfisted olympics metaphor~

Love my tribe a lot! However, i still feel on the outside somewhat tho.... Idk this is a lot for me I just hope we win until a swap or whatever its called ahh

Alright, Darcy back here with yet another confessional!   Here is a little update since I last posted confessional, mainly the biggest difference is now I have an ally formed with Ben.   At least, I made a deal with Ben yesterday proposing just the generic looking after one another ordeal, then going to give it some time and maybe question Beck about forming an alliance, since I've been connecting with her even more past bit, but don't want to go too fast and end up asking half my tribe right away to work with me, as I don't want to be seen as playing hard out the gate and make myself a target.   Meanwhile, I decided to give the Olympic Village searching a shot, but alas was no luck in the cafeteria cabinets, so will just have to try my luck again in the future rounds.   Thinking of searching either the South or North end of Village next round, but we shall see.   Anyways, I'm glad my tribe won Immunity, so don't have to go to tribal this round, and this Olympic Arena twist sounds great, essentially one person from each tribe goes to the Arena, I believe for the immune tribes just 1 person is selected to go to the Arena, and for the losing tribes, the two voted out go to arena, where the winner of the voted out people come back in the game, and loser is out of the game for good.   Think I read that all right, but maybe won't hurt to give it another read to double check.   For now though, I shall go, so will see you all with my next confessional.

Fuck having to go to tribal first. I don’t like having to send someone home when I don’t even really know who I’m playing with yet. 

Seems like Billy pulling the "I don't want to make any moves" to me was surprisingly bullshit. Who would've thunk. I think everyone is fine with voting out Billy here, I didn't really want to initially, but yeah, uh no. I could be in danger, but if everyone is honest here, I should be fine. Fingers crossed. "I'm either going to be first boot or win" - Pia Miranda

So, the first tribal is in a bit and we were almost sent there but managed to pull through in the tiebreaker! I hope that opens some of my tribemates eyes (lets be real, just Stoner who hasn’t been doing much of anything!) Being in One World but none of the newbies talking to me is still wild to me, half of them still haven’t even accepted my contact request. Yet they’re plenty active in the chat, so what gives? Anyway, I hope it’s just that they are intimidated by the very fact that I am beauty, and grace, and Miss United States. I hope we can win the next round, hopefully first or second place so we don’t have a close call again. We are trying to get Chris to go to the Arena so he can get us that 20% but he hasn’t answered so...what gives? On the alliance front I’m good with Kevin and Karen tribewise , the bigger picture is Kevin, Jacob and Sammy want to align and then we will have a bigger alliance that includes Beck, Juls and Eve. Eventually I might wanna break off and align with Jules and Eve, but having bigger targets around is essential. Anyway that’s all I got for now. I should start making video confessionals AS THINGS ARE HAPPENING. Ya know? Anyway toodles for now see ya next round. OH, and I’m hoping Jules and Jacob are safe this tribal :( love them and hope we can work together going forward. 

Hiiii, arena results are about to come in so I'm just gonna drop a quickie confessional before that happens. I don't honestly remember how much I talked about the strategy and gameplay that was going on, so I'll give you a quick rebriefing of that. I'm really close with Juls. Em I like, but I want more out of her. Jacob is quiet, but inoffensive. Billy, I actually like him, but there are certain things about him that just.. Rub me (and others) a strange way and that's why we voted him out because certain things he did just didn't quite gel with the rest of the team. If he does return from the arena though, it's possibly I may vouch for him over Jacob because Jacob... HE JUST NEEDS TO TALK!!! But idk. One world still SUCKS and is dragging me through the MUD because nobody wants to do cross-tribe talking me included but that gets me paranoid as FUCK, luv. About the live tribal, it was fun! My camera angle was awkward and I was soo nervous though, but I think I was still able to hold it together relatively well, act normal, and give semi-decent answers. Will definitely be improving my live tribal performance for next time so I can be a bad ass bitch on call, it's GOING to happen... dskfdsf. I love Emma on call/video sooooo much, But on text she's kind of dry. Maybe I need to ask her if I can call her sometime, but I haven't done a call for a game like this in a looong time. I'm a bit nervous about that. But yeah. I'm looking forward to the game... The first tribal just makes everything real, and you realize, oh shit, we're playing Survivor. And I forgot how thrilling it was to play in a live, video environment like that, it just grips you and it feels so much more intense than when wiki results are just posted in chat and you don't have to deal with physically seeing the person you're voting out, talking to them with your actual voice, etc. All that stuff just makes the experience that much more realistic and it's so intense and fun. I'm ready to get this game on (Btw fuck the arena twist)

hey guys im really loving this game so far... keep up the good work!

i didn’t appreciate the attitude billy gave me whenever i tried to help the team out but! i’m willing to get over it because he is a nice guy. i feel fairly comfortable with my team and i’m just hoping we can avoid another tribal! 

Hello! I can not believe I'm back for a 6th time on Tumblr Survivor this is so crazy! Especially for an Olympic season because I vowed to myself that I would never do a season again that was more than 20 people after being in Japan. Now that I'm back I'm ready to play, I haven't really came into this season with a strategy but if I did it would have changed because this is a One World season and now with the arena twist I'm sweating. One World makes the season super social (probably one of my least favorite twists) it's very easy for this season to let pre-mades and majorities take over just like that and let underdogs like me in this season to get taken out especially taken out early. So I have been social not only with me but a few people on different tribes but not too much. I don't want to seem like I'm playing too hard but I wanna build relationships before swaps happen so that people choose to ally with me (A WINNER) over a newbie or a returnee who hasn't won because I already have a big target on my back. With how the tribe divisions are it gives the newbies the biggest advantage with 15 newbies compared to 5 winners and 5 non-winner returnees, which isn't bad in a Fan vs. Favorite season because the ratio is even with returnees and newbies. However, now that I'm in the minority and also labeled a WINNER, I have to do damage control to lower my target but most importantly integrate with other people which is hard because I'm not the best social player and I know that's my weakness but I still have to attempt. In terms of my own tribe I'm closest to Kevin, when I talk to him we have a good conversation I probably already irritate him but I think out of everyone I can put my trust in him the most compared to everyone else. I think having one good ally is how I want to approach this season due to the arena twist I don't want to come across as running the tribe especially the winners tribe incase we do go to tribal because if I vote in the majority and that person stays they are immune and will be mad and spill the beans about the tribe, and I want that person to be the least mad at me so the focus is not on me. So having overall good vibes and 1 strong connection is a good strategy for the long term game. It might put me at risk for being voted out in the short term but I want to play the long-term game. Preferably if it is up to me I'd want Nicole to be the next closest to Kevin and myself without myself having to make an official deal with Nicole so I'm not seen as the ringleader. Kevin says he wants Stoner to be the first one voted out on our tribe but honestly I rather it be Karen. Stoner has the reputation keeps his target bigger than the rest and I think Karen has the better chance of flipping on the winners and succeeding than Stoner does. So my target is Karen if we do lose. I also believe that there may be an alliance with Nicole, Kevin, and Karen which I hope is not an actual alliance because that's bad news for me. I hope we don't go to tribal because I don't wanna go to a tribal with only 5 people. Wish me luck!

Whew it has been one round and i've fucked up so much its not even funny. its a little funny. anyways i start this game on a tribe of 5, i allign with connor who ive never played a game with and find some similar common ground, and with jacob who seems chill. we lose the first challenge sucks and all hell breaks loose, long story short fuck sammy. I'm trying to work my way back in caeleb and jacobs good graces. its gonna be a rocky road, but its one i've driven before

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals