#i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dramamines · 8 months

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TW Vent below, mentions of SH

ugh ive never vented here and im not planning on making it a regular thing, but i recently had to delete discord so im gonna be talking into the void abt this instead. last night i had to take melatonin to sleep for the first time in ages, and read my book for an hour to calm the anxiety i was having. my mum went through my phone (she does respect my privacy, so she wasn't reading messages or looking through my pinterest, just checking what apps i had downloaded and the screentime has done today). she did find some tumblr screentime, not a large enough amount for her to think i use it regularly, and i made up a lie on the spot that saved me. she's become rlly paranoid abt my internet usage again bc she just had a cybersafety talk at school (shes a teacher) and was told horror stories abt online murders and child p0rn exploitation and shit. she kept asking me if i talk to strangers online, which i do, and how she wouldnt be mad or surprised, but just wants me to be safe. i kept lying bc i was too scared to tell her, and am sure that ill be made to get off tumblr and abandon all my online friends. i just dont think she would understand the benefits of it, even if i told her, and is too scared of me getting hurt, despite that fact that i AM safe on here and block weirdos and dont share personal info. if i didnt have tumblr i wouldnt have gotten in to lots of my favourite fandoms, wouldnt have continued doing art, and until now, ive been much happier being online. she would never let me get tumblr, its listed as a 17+ app on the app store, and she's too scared to allow me anything remotely online, pinterest and yt are as far as she'll go. i know it wouldnt put me in danger if i told her, i would be in more trouble if she found out, cause then i would have been lying to her, but i dont want to lose what ive created. im just so angry at myself for getting into and online community, bc despite loving it and knowing that i wouldnt be as into art or happy, its causing me so much anxiety rn, and i just want to hurt myself for being so stupid. last night i didnt SH, but i wanted to, because i was so angry with myself. ive never SH'd before, and i dont want to start, but i should have known better. my parents both have such high expectations of me, and think they've 'won the lottery with their perfect daughter, who would never do anything wrong or do anything her parents didnt approve of'. i just dont want them to be disappointed in me, bc im sure they would, and they claim nothing i do can surprise them, but i honestly have no clue how they would react if i told them everything. i hope that in a few days my mum will go back to normal and stop being so paranoid abt the internet, but im honestly terrified, and have been feeling anxious since last night. the problem is if i told her how anxious i was feeling, and the reasoning behind it, she would blame it on me being on social media, and i wouldnt be allowed it ever again. im not going to tell her anything unless it gets rlly bad or she finds out, but im just so angry with myself, and i dont think i deserve to be feeling this way bc i have an essentially perfect irl life. i get good grades, i have good friends, i live in a good neighborhoood, and my parents arent bad peole, theyre not conservative, and it wouldnt be the end of the world if i told them, but im not ready to give it all up yet.

if you read this far, im sorry, i was just rambling theres no sense in what i said, this is just an outlet for me

#ballena rambles #vent #tw self harm mention

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maganne-bonete · 11 months

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Life and interest update ramble that no one asked for: General

And I'll probably make more for a while on a variety of topics

So I've been having, not necessarily stressful, but stress induced couple of days. It's hard for me to pinpoint but I think it's me getting overwhelmed with things. Partly my fault because of dumb decisions I've made for the past couple of weeks, and it's called going through the Youtube comment section.

But that's not necessarily the worst thing. It's more of, me deciding to air out opinions abt online celebrities in twitter dot com more than anything 'cause stans are some of the weirdest people on earth and one of them tried using my age as a gatcha for telling them off for being parasocial about a bunch of people's relationship. But anw, that doesn't really bother me anymore 'cause the twitter side of that fanbase just proved themselves to be the worse kind of fans for literally trying to emotionally manipulate their CC.

BUT, other than that, I guess it's also the reminder that I'm running out of time.

Earlier this year I wanted to get myself "prepared" for coming back to school. I took another leave to take care of my sister this time. Around last year's April she almost died after a fatal allergic reaction to an antibiotic. It left her severely disabled so I had to help her out.

In effort of trying to "prepare" myself I tried doing "productive" things like drawing, gardening, language learning, or generally cleaning up more. Which honestly, not that bad. I always considered gardening as one of my healthy hobbies. Doing more art is important for my field in the future. Generally doing other chores like putting my clothes away and cleaning up make-up brushes will be beneficial for me in the long run. I tried relearning french although it was very little like idk colors and numbers and such, but it's honestly barely anything.

But by the time it hit April I just got burned out ? And I thought, okay I'll be more productive by May. But would you look at that? It's already the end of May. And I haven't picked up a stylus, pencil, gardening sheers, or even downloaded duolingo. (Although I also have theories regarding this part of the year 'cause my mood tend to start shifting around this period)

But other than those things, I also tried writing again around those months 'cause writing has been such a struggle for me for the past few years for some reason. Like I use to write a lot but it just got difficult for me. And I NEED to get good at writing in general, fiction or non-fic, because I'll need it for college. But hey, last night I was able to write 600+ in one session over a fictional piece and I consider that a win.

Another thing that should've been something considered productive that I've been putting off was signing myself up for a comprehensive psychological evaluation. It was something I should've considered earlier in the year but the idea of leaving the house to go to Manila was always troubling for me at that time. For the past year I could barely leave the house so I could look after my sister. It wasn't really that bad. I'm fine with staying around the proximity of our house. But this year she has improved a lot and could even go to the bathroom by herself. But even then, I kept holding it off and now June's coming around the corner.

I think it's partly because I have this mindset of "I'm better compared to last year since I don't want to die anymore" but even then I still have OCD symptoms. I also still have really bad anxiety from time to time and I tend to get paranoid too. All of this is bad and are still problems that do bother me every other day. And honestly, out of everything "productive" I need to do before the semester starts, this should have been at the top of the list.

So I should probably get to it within the weekend, at least. And not get distracted with other things. I really really need to do that.

#marge's stuff #marge's life rambles #tw suicide ideation #tw death mention #let me know if there's anything else that needs to be tagged

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uuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 2 years

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Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Feelings

Feeeeeelings

Don’t like em

Dooooont like em.

For the first thing, my feelings towards Chris are very complicated and they are haunting me. Does that mean I’m over him? That I’m comparing to him? I don’t know. Perhaps. Perhaps not. I can’t think to deeply into my psyche like that. All I know is I still think about him, and I constantly have to remind myself the vast majority of the pain he caused me, that I’m thankful I have those videos of me breaking down because without them I do not think I would be able to remember the hard parts of my relationship with him. And I find it very troubling that I have memory issues like that. Lastly on the Chris matter, I’m always think about him in the “next person,” but I’m not sure if that’s implying good or bad things.

The second matter to dwell on is my feelings for Joe…. I…. Have very complicated feelings for him but yet again here I am, with my heart absolutely screaming for him. Like,,,, I have shit memory but I haven’t felt this way for someone since like Cody or Nathan, i believe I’ve said that before. Like Chris doesn’t even compare to what it comes to my type of a person, or a man, but mostly a person.

And like, I’m so giddy and overwhelmed by it, it’s a crush for sure. I want to explore it though but I know the time isn’t right. But I’m impatient as well. This school girl crush feeling I have for Joe…. I’ve had that from almost the moment I met him, it took me years to fall in love with Chris. I didn’t feel this way for him until only maybe days before we were dating. I can’t even say weeks. I was just very protective of him and I didn’t like sharing, and I didn’t like Kiera most of all. I do remember constantly doubting if i was actually attracted to him, I was over time. Physical attraction is something I can almost easily find in anyone. But I remember asking myself if i could love him, and I was afraid of committing to him. I’m glad I didn’t after all these years. I thinks that’s why my life felt so suicidal, because I felt trapped with him. And now I’m free again to be myself and explore myself and love the parts of me I forgot.

I think that’s why I like Joe so much, because this is the most rude version of myself I’ve ever been and still seems to at the very least want to be friends with me.

That’s the other thing about Joe… I don’t know what he feels about me, or how he feels about me, or if I’m paranoid and stupid or if things are going over my head. I’m so confused with him and I wish I had someone to talk to about it. (((This is a huge reason why I don’t think Chris understand why being friends was near impossible for us…. If I stayed friends with him, would he talk to me about these things? Would he be okay with it? Would he turn into an asshole and ghost me and tell me to fuck off?? I think he would do that last one, knowing how possessive he was of me just liking FICTIONAL MEN… ugh))) Anyways….

Again, with my shitty memory, I don’t remember if Joe hugged me or not, or if he went in for a dab and I took it for a hug…. Let me try and remember if I can…. I can’t…. I really can’t… it’s all a blur…. It was dark and I was even confused why he would hug me. Normally there is a pause when doing in for a dab, was there?? I don’t remember there being pause…. And he said “thanks Finn” thanks for what??? Idk…..

Idk!!! Then he starts texting me a lot more frequently… but like,,, weird shit,,,, first to get a job,,, but HE invited me,,,, weird,,,, then he says smth abt the weed,,,,, then he comments on my story to start a convo and we had one,,, very dry,,,, it was weird then he ends it with like a typo I couldn’t understand so I kind of just left him on read??? Like UGH!! I’m not good with my feelings. This is what I mean. Like,,, I tell him all the time be direct and honest. But I can’t with him. I’m still trying to figure it out, feel it out, fail and try again, fail and try again. Portal was… there was one part that was good when it came to Joe. But mostly bad parts. Then everything after was weird. Darian lake was nice… but everything since then has been even more weird. I’m going to keep trying, because I think he’s worth it.

I wanted to comment on his story and try and spark a convo again but I was to scared. That’s why I wish I had someone to talk to, to give me confidence. I kinda of tried to tell jas, but she already made her disapproval because he’s 19 and I’m 24… that is something to greatly take into consideration. There are a lot of things to take into consideration. And IF Joe also has similar interests in me like I do him,,,, which I just had a spaz attack over IF he did and IF he’s trying and I’m just to dumb to see,,, he’s been taking to Max and Cody about it, asking them for help. If he is, that’s very endearing because Chris had to do the same thing. So IF Joe feels the same I think that’s also why I can’t read him.

He may be taking this cautiously. I’m 24, 5 years older than him, I’m his best friends sister!!! I’m “not an NPC” like him. I don’t think he wants to fuck it up, whatever we have, he’s taking a great deal in care trying to not only grow it but not ruin it. Or at least that’s the impression I THINK I’m getting BUT THEN AGAIN I DONT KNOW BECAUSE I DONT HAVE ANYONE TO TALL TO ABOUT THIS.

Hence why I’m here. I can’t tell mom, because,,, age,,,, and Jessy’s friend. Can’t tell jessy at all because like,,,, well I have no idea how she would take it. I think if Joe has any feelings for me he also would be very cautious about telling Jessy. And also…. I don’t want to turn a blind eye to him being 19

I don’t want to be that person that’s like “Well he’s turning 20 soon so that’s okay” I don’t think it would be good for a 20 year old to date 25 year old,,,, even tho as 24 I would date someone possible 30 if they were the right person.

So I also fee I think if I met the right person, age wouldn’t matter at all. Well not at all. A child’s love is different than this. This is a mature spiritual love, a love for another human that I can share emotions with. But I don’t think it’s love. It’s absolutely not yet. It has a great potential and that’s why I’m so afraid to fuck it up. But my life feels so short so at the same time I want to say fuck it and rush into this. Which,,, clearly would only end badly. I want to make sure I actually know Joe, and I’m just not using him to get over Chris. I want to make sure I’m not crazy either, and that he’s a real person that I share interests with, that I can hang out with and talk to. I haven’t hung out with him yet on my own, and I’m so afraid to ask him, I don’t think he understands how mysterious and guarded I really am. I’m not comfortable yet where I can ask him those things, so I think if anything, and hope, that he’s picking up on that. That I’m special and I’m something to work for and I’m not easy.

So I know, I know……… I know I feel better after writing this. That first I should probably just figure out how to talk to him and hang out with him and be me. It’s gonna be slow and I need to be patient but GOD am I so close to blurting this shit out.

It’s killing me, not really but it’s hard. Again, I just want someone to talk to about this. Fuck you Chris. I could never talk to you about this as much as you want to make me think I could. You were a bad person and a bad boyfriend. And the only time you were ever right is I deserved so much better. You constantly manipulated me and my emotions and I hate to say it, but you where the worst one out of us. I hate saying it because it brings me pain, it brings me no honor to think I was better than you, it hurts me to know I put in so much more effort than you did. It hurts me and brings me shame to know I was pushing so hard for something so fruitless, it hurts me to even think that I was a better girlfriend than you where a boyfriend, because,,,, it never should have been who’s better or worse to begin with. It never should have been a competition. I remember always telling you I hate comparing, I hate love bombing and that’s what you did allllll the time. You told me how great I was while how shitty you where and that was manipulation whether intentional or not, whether you even knew you were doing it or not. That is a fact, that is what you did. I know you did not mean to do it, but it’s still what you did and it’s not up for debate or argument. Maybe it was unconscious, but the perhaps behind that behavior is to get me to mother you, to coddle you, to love bomb you in return. Which is toxic and unhealthy. It’s just one of many things you did that come to mind.

I also think I’m weirdly a system, or someone with DID. I need to write more and I’ve been trying to write more but I don’t think that’s going to work for me. I think I should text more here and see what happens and video tape me. I think it’s okay if writing doesn’t work for me. I’ve always hating my hand writing and I’ve always hated the strain it puts on my hands. So I’ll try and be here more.

I should go to bed now. Good night.

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dr3amofagame · 3 years

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I really love when people write about c!wilbur manipulating c!dream so I was wondering if you could write on about the smp realizing that c!wilbur manipulated c!dream into being a lap dog for him but a hell lot of trouble for then and if you could add c!wilbur taking advantage of the fact that dream is a god during a fight that would make my day. Hope you have a great day.thank you. Love your work.

ooh yeah - c!wilbur is back and GGG-ing as good as ever, , which Really makes you think abt what it’s gonna be like when he interacts with c!dream again. this ended up being a little more c!sapnap centric than i intended, hope that’s alright haha. (and thank you so much for the kind words!)

tw: implied abuse, torture, drowning, dismemberment, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, emotional distress, dark content, prison arc/pandora’s vault, c!sapnap critical? not really?, dark portrayal of c!wilbur (typical MAD duo shenanigans)

Sapnap isn’t expecting to find anyone when he storms out in the middle of the night - he’s tense, they all are after the fiasco at the prison, but really his thoughts are filled with Karl once again going inexplicably radio silent for days on end and Quackity ignoring all of his questions with a simple “i’m busy” that he’d failed to follow up even twelve hours later, so Dream and Wilbur and whatever the hell happened that left Pandora’s Vault - obsidian, indestructible, tall and dark and proud - half-crumbled and sunken into the sea are just about the last things on his mind.

Even so, he’s not an idiot, so he had enough foresight to pack a few potions and gather his armor and weapons before stepping into the summer night - it’s cool under the moonlight, a soft breeze cutting through the otherwise stifling weight of the humid air, and the comfortable night is enough to make his anger die down, just a little. Kinoko Kingdom glows soft and warm from the lanterns Foolish had scattered all over the place, thick with the earthy smell of fungus and flowers, and he takes a deep breath before walking to the city outskirts to hopefully clear his mind.

He’s no stranger to late-night walks; his temper had always been fiery, even as a child, and he’d figured out pretty early on that the easiest way to deal with it was to walk or run until his brain was too tired to think anymore. Walking at night also meant he could take out some of his frustration on mobs as well as the satisfaction of setting a random patch of forest on fire without worrying about burning down someone else’s property, and once he got good enough with a sword and shield to come and go relatively unscathed, Bad had stopped his worrying enough to let him do whatever as long as he came back in time in the morning. Sapnap frowns as he hacks at a random branch in his way with an axe, watching as it falls in a spray of leaves and crashes to the ground; he hasn’t seen Bad in a while, not since he became obsessed with the whole Egg thing. Quackity had mentioned some cryptic things, and Karl was adamant that they avoid the Egg as much as possible, but he probably should’ve at least visited, or something. Bad always knew what to say when it came to messy things like this.

Though - Sapnap laughs wryly - it’d never been this bad, before. Karl distant and absent, Q somehow even more so with a new glint to his gaze that sent a shiver down his spine. George, usually asleep, never around, expression perpetually foggy like he doesn’t know where he was. Dream- evil, insane, awful, somehow so familiar it hurt and too much of a stranger to recognize. He wonders when it all got this bad. He wonders what it says about himself, that he didn’t notice until it was far too late.

“Fancy seeing you out here.”

Sapnap whirls around, sword drawn; the figure staring back at him doesn’t even flinch. His eyes narrow at the sight, stance widening, shoulders tense.

“Wilbur?” He keeps his voice wary, guarded, trying his best to keep surprise from coloring his tone. Wilbur grins at him, tight-lipped, the planes of his face faintly lit by the moon shining over them, facial features only barely visible in the dim light. Without really meaning to, Sapnap cranes his head to look around at the surrounding forest, but nothing moves or makes itself known outside of the figure still staring at him, smirking. “What- what are you doing here?”

And where’s Dream?

Because Sapnap might not know much about what went down at the prison and what Dream’s plans are and the whole mess that he’d been so desperate to put behind him and utterly failed at doing so, but what he does know is that the two of them - Dream and Wilbur, Wilbur and Dream - had been all but inseparable, strangely attached to each other in a way that spelled out nothing but trouble for the rest of them. The rest of the server had been compiling sightings of the two in the hopes of being able to stop whatever it was that they had planned, but Sapnap knows his former friend, brother, and even if he doesn’t know Wilbur, his reputation more than precedes him: the two of them are smart, not to mention paranoid as fuck, and the rest of them have a better shot shooting targets in the dark than figuring out whatever the hell was going on in their heads with the two of them working together. Either way, he knows that they’d never been sighted apart - it was always Wilbur standing on a hill with Dream sitting next to him, or Dream hacking through mobs as Wilbur followed, or the two of them stepping into a fortress and leaving minutes after - until now.

“Could ask the same of you,” Wilbur laughs, just a shade to the left of friendly, and the moonlight scatters through the leaves and glints off his glasses. “Don’t be so tense, man! I’m just going on a walk, thought I’d enjoy the night. Didn’t see anything like this in Limbo, you know.”

Sapnap winces at the reminder, that Wilbur is here and alive in defiance of law and reason and the universe itself, but Wilbur barrels on, seeming unaware of his unease.

“Anyway - how are you doing, man? Haven’t seen you around in a while.” He leans back, hands shoved deep in his jacket pockets, stance loose, relaxed. “I’d ask Dream, but he’s been in prison for a bit, you know? Most of what he knows is pretty - ah, outdated, not that I tell him that.”

“What are you planning?” Sapnap snaps, grip tightening around the handle of his sword. “You and Dream. What do you want?”

“Who’s to say we want anything?” Wilbur seems to grin wider, and the expression on his face is unsettling, makes something cold slither up his spine. He shakes his head to rid himself of the feeling, half-wishing it was brighter so he could better see the other’s eyes.

“I mean-” he stutters. Because Dream always wants, he almost says, bitter and angry, that all-too-familar swell of betrayal rising in his chest at Dream, forever insatiated, forever wanting, forever looking for more more more. Because if he were to escape, and if he were to want nothing, then what did that mean for the rest of them? Because if he didn’t want, if he wasn’t left wanting, then did Sapnap ever mean anything at all? The thoughts stick to his skull like tar, words clinging to the roof of his mouth as it goes dry. Wilbur seems to stare at him, unimpressed, and he feels his face go hot.

“He’s not- he’s dangerous, you know,” Sapnap says instead of answering, because untangling the awful, knotted feelings that make up his remaining ties with Dream, half-frayed and neglected and forgotten, is more work than he can handle and more emotions than he has the energy to bear. It doesn’t matter, in the end, because Dream is still dangerous; he knows that, resolutely, and maybe it’s lucky, that he found Wilbur without Dream whispering plans and manipulations and meaningless words by his side. It’ll give him a chance to warn Wilbur, bring him back to their side instead of risking his life (again) in the company of his friend-turned-tyrant. Dream is dangerous, whether he wants or not, because Dream is Dream and he’s been in too many manhunts to face him with anything less than one hundred percent confidence. “You don’t want to be with him, Wilbur. He’s hurt- so many people.”

Wilbur’s expression doesn’t change, seeming as indifferent to the words as ever; if anything, he looks a little amused. “Really,” he hums, almost to himself. “Dangerous, you say?”

“He’s Dream,” Sapnap insists, because it’s the truth, and it’s the simplicity of it, really. It’s Dream, and Dream is dangerous whether he’s on your side or not, forever ruthless and unheeding as long as he gets what he wants. He’d been in Wilbur’s place, once, convinced that Dream’s strategies and planning and infallible logic had meant they had no way of losing. He knows better, now. “You’ve fought him before! He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about anything.”

And if the words are a little more bitter than they should be when he says that, who but he is going to notice?

Wilbur’s eyes stay on his, completely silent, expression unreadable. The quiet gets awkward quickly, Wilbur’s expression seeming unchanging, nothing but the faint rustling of the leaves around them to break the stillness of the air, and Sapnap feels his gut roll uncomfortably as he looks off to the ground, waiting for Wilbur to react in some way, any way. It’s hard, he knows, to realize that someone you thought was on your side had been using you the entire time, he’s been there before and he gets it, but- it’s still strange, how still Wilbur has become. How he still hasn’t reacted - is his expression going to change?

And suddenly, starting quiet and then swelling in volume, Wilbur begins to laugh.

“Goodness,” Wilbur drawls through his chuckles, voice low and dark and sending chills down his back. “I thought he was exaggerating, man - you really do hate him, don’t you?”

“What- what’s so funny?”

Wilbur smiles, teeth flashing white as the faint light from the moon bounces off of them, “I have to give you my thanks, truly. I’d thought that Quackity did the most of it, or Sam, but you- I really couldn’t have guessed.”

Sapnap’s head is spinning. Wilbur’s expression is positively gleeful, eyes dancing, smile wide and brilliant, bouncing from one name to another with little explanation to how any of them tie together. Sam? Quackity? Nothing is making sense. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh Sapnap,” Wilbur croons. “You really don’t know, do you?”

He twists his hand in a flippant gesture, eyes directed into the forest surrounding them.

“Let’s just say that his, ah- stay, in Pandora, wasn’t exactly what I’d call a five-star experience. But you know that, don’t you?” Wilbur directs a flat smile his way, and Sapnap swallows, throat dry. Briefly, images flash behind his eyes - walls, dripping with crying obsidian, the lava’s heat hard to bear at his back, even for him, mining fatigue pulling at his limbs and making them heavy. How startlingly bare the cell had been, even through the haze of his anger, Dream, slumped in a corner of the cell, barely moving, barely even breathing as it seemed sometimes, sunken-in cheeks and sagging shoulders speaking of nothing but a bone-deep exhaustion. “Apparently, being psychologically and physically tortured for months on end has an interesting effect on the human psyche. Even more so when, say, your best friend comes once in the entire time to tell you that he’ll kill you if you ever try to escape.”

“How-” he trips on his own words, lungs seizing, “how do you know that?”

“He tells me things. A lot of things, really. Did you know it takes one and a half regen potions to reattach an arm after it’s been cut off? It takes three and a half for a leg, he thinks, but the blood loss made it rather hard to remember.” Wilbur steps forward. “Did you know that scars created by healing potions tend to be much thicker and more prominent than those made by regens? Or that he can hold his breath for a little more than two minutes before passing out?” Wilbur smirks, jagged, threatening. “Did you know that I can tell him just about everything, and he’ll believe me because there’s no one else to tell him otherwise?”

“Wh- what?”

“I’ll be sure to tell him what you said; I’m sure he’ll love to hear how his brother is doing.” Wilbur waves. “And when you see Quackity, be sure to give him my thanks, will you?”

“Wilbur, what- come back-”

And with a flash of purple particles, Wilbur disappears, leaving Sapnap alone in the middle of the forest. Stasis chamber. His heart pounds in his ears, breathing all-too-loud, and he stares desperately at the empty space where Wilbur had stood like it’ll bring him back again.

Fuck, he swipes his hand across his face, startled when it comes back wet. What does he do now?

#tw abuse #tw torture #tw drowning #tw dismemberment #tw manipulation #tw unhealthy relationship #tw emotional distress #tw dark content #prison arc #pandora's vault #c!sapnap critical #mutually assured destruction #my asks !!#-> my asks #my writing :D #-> my writing

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rotshop · 3 years

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your drawing of Wank gushing about the reader reminded me how much I love her, so if you can, could you do some headcanons of Wank with the reader, doesnt matter which reader you want to use, animalperson, employeer, go wild. we just need more Wank simp juice

-Abstract

SO ,,, i m combining these two asks for the sake of ease ,,, i got a third wank req but i might do that later today idk ,,,,,,,, 4 now u get these </3

[ tw ; one very very brief and non-detailed mention of violence ]

-chances are you two just kinda. ran into one another at some point. you were probably in some of your own trouble with the aahw for one reason or another. it's essentially incident 010a

-chances ALSO are u were kinda horrified when u first seen her, u've gotta recognize her and idk man !! having someone who could easily snap your neck looming over you and just staring down at you isn't!! super reassuring!! :[ you don't even know if she's really listening as you're trying to plead ur case (and y'know. for your life.) because she's just ,, not reacting at all. she's just staring down at you in silence, you can't really see anything of her eyes behind the goggles and it's just making it worse. eventually though, you're cut off by her just picking you up and throwing you over your shoulders with an almost embarrassing amount of ease

-SO YEA ,,, i hope you like getting carried around like a sack of flour and unable to really do much at all, i mean, u can TRY and squirm around or hit at her backc but it usually just results in her tightening her grip on you :[ congrats to u tho because unlike her counterpart / sibling in incident 010a she HASN'T thrown you around !! so enjoy that at least

-eventually, you're allowed to see nevada from a normal view again when you get tossed in the back seat of a car. u don't get the chance to really think too in depth abt the idea when she's already stopping you, making a little 'watching you' gesture before she shuts the door on you. yeah its. not a great first meeting :[

-after u get brought back to her little base of sorts and get questioned by some others (who, are luckily a little bit less physical and generally intimidating), u just kinda. hang around. they've decided ur not a threat and its not like you really have anywhere else to go, aahw would probably just hunt ur ass down again anyway, esp considering you've been seen w/ wank now

-she starts to warm up to you a little more after the fact. you notice really early on that she's actually a lot more emotive and animated when she isn't tearing an agent a new one !! (granted, that's. pretty animated in its own right) she's still got that air of intimidation but for the most part she's pretty light-hearted, so!! it's not as surprising when she keeps checking up on u

-at first u just kinda excuse it as 'oh, she's probably just wondering if i got hurt or if im doing anything sketch' but she just kinda. walks in, asks if ur ok and then just stands there. you can tell there's always something a little bit off but she's usually walking off before you can point it out though. there is one time though where instead of walking off she just kinda. walks over to you, if you have any hobbies like reading, writing, or drawing then that's what she asks about first. she asks if she can watch you / read with you for a little while and so you both just kinda. chill like that. it's a little uncomfortable at first since there's not too much room between you and her on your bed but,,it works (or. yknow. you can always just sit between her legs and have her wrap her arms around ur waist and kinda rest her head on top of urs :flushed:)

-it becomes a routine of sorts after that, she'll come check up on you, see how you're doing, then come lie down with you. it's just..nice, in a way. it helps her calm down a little and she just likes being around you for some reason !! a fully platonic reason of course, you're just her friend who she sometimes thinks about kissing and who she can't help but think about your smile or the way your laugh sounds even when you're not around, fully in a just kinda friends way of course !! nothing more to it and the way she can't help but get giddy whenever she's talking about you !!! bestie behavior. yeah she talks to someone abt how she feels and it takes everything in them to not double over in laughter

-she eventually goes 'hm! fuck!' and realizes she's in gay love w/ u lmao. she's. pretty lost on how to go abt that and it reaaally doesn't help that you both are rlly affectionate w/ one another, so it just makes it harder for her to tell if the feelings are returned or not ,,, chances are she just kinda spontaneously confesses in her own kind-of-nerve-wracking way when you're both hanging out alone. she just kinda. cups ur face and makes you look at her and blurts out some 'i love you' or something

-N E WAY ,,, onto more mismatched hcs.

-she doesn't train w/ you very often since she's nervous about hurting you or exhausting you, she knows ur strong and you can take a lot but,,she still gets a little paranoid about it. however , she does enjoy you watching her train w/ others !! this isn't fun for them however because she does unintentionally go a little harder to impress you lmao ,, wank is not immune to favoritism and it shows

-like said before, she's very affectionate with you and she's not afraid to be so around others. if ur in her viscinity she just!! gotta hold u, its the law man. she just likes wrapping an arm or two around you and pulling you back against her, usually leaves a lot of little kisses on your temple or on top of ur head ,, it's worse if you fluster easily, hope u like being kissed a lot and being picked up bc she WILL do so just to see ur reaction ,, on the bright side though you do get to hear her laugh a lot more often since ur just that cute to her

-not at all shy abt her relationship w/ you and she wears it proudly on her sleeve, she cares abt u so so much and she genuinely adores you, it's written clear as day in any interaction you two have with one another so!! like hell she's gonna try and hide it

#wank x reader #white hank x reader #madcom x reader #madcom imagines #madness combat imagines #madness combat x reader #rot writes #abstract anon

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alfredosauce50 · 3 years

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whenever youre free, can you write yandere 2p china headcanons? im just thinking abt him 👉🏽👈🏽

Yandere 2p! China headcanons

Getting together with you was hard enough. But now that you’re his, he can’t go back to being a second choice he’s always been. He’s never letting you go.

Zao doesn’t have a single yandere characteristic by default, but when he does, ooh boy. It’ll take some time for him to deviate from his normal personality and mental stability, but given enough paranoia and infatuation, he will start losing his sanity, then, his ability to distinguish between right and wrong. And the terrifying thing is, he doesn’t even know it. By this logic, he is by far, the craziest yandere you’ll ever have the misfortune of encountering.

(There isn’t a lot of fanart on 2p! China so have this fanart of Wei Wuxian for visual purposes)

Home life

He’s very into kissing, so much that he’ll sneak some in while doing the most mundane things. When he talks to you, he will hold your waist and fill the brief moments of silence with kisses. In his eyes, having his lips on yours while a conversation happens is being ‘productive’ as he makes the most out of being with you. Before anything escalates, which ends up happening more often than you’d prefer, you’ll pull away and clamp a hand over his mouth. He’ll lick your hand and laugh at your reaction.

He bathes with you. He could’ve gone with the more economical option of showering, but he’s far from broke. And plus, he can do so much more while sitting down. You usually stay on the opposite end of the tub, but he’ll pull you onto his lap and whisper this in your ear, “Don’t be shy, kitten. This is your throne.” As you sink into his embrace, which ends up hotter than the water you’re submerged in, he will caress your back and make out with you. Once you’re pleading for air, he will pull away and trail a tongue up your neck instead. When you’re with him, he never actually lets you catch your breath, ever.

Zao is very mindful of your comfort. Perhaps not when it comes to something sexual, per se, but he will always bring you a blanket if it gets a little chilly. If you forget to put socks on, he will put them on for you without asking. Whenever you go out, he will bring a bag with him and most of the things inside are either yours or for you.

Spoiling you is a given. He can’t imagine a better way to put his hustle to good use--to give you things you want. Even if you don’t ask for anything, he never fails to get you something you end up loving. But there is one thing he won’t ever let you touch. Substances. Zao is so overprotective in all aspects of your life, he doesn’t even like you drinking. He’s a little more lenient on weed, and will let you have a few puffs of his joint.

He always covers up at home, and will get a little flustered if you catch him indecent. Zao doesn’t wear a lot to bed, like tank tops and underwear, so he isn’t shirtless very often. The only time he doesn’t get embarrassed is when the mood is... You know. And he’s doing you-know-what with you. Otherwise, he will call you a pervert, but really, he’s teasing you more than expressing embarrassment. Because clearly, that’s rich coming from him.

Yeah. It’s not news how big of a pervert he is. Nor is he ashamed of it. Any dirty thought that crosses his mind, he will never fail to relay to you. It leaves you mortified when he tells you what he wants to do to you, in detail, especially when he isn’t being self-aware. Save that for when you get home, you idiot! But the private sphere only makes him even worse.

He calms down at night, thankfully, and lays in bed with you on his chest. This is where his love language starts speaking to you. Connecting to you emotionally and mentally is how he shows he loves you. This takes place in long, deep, and random conversations, and if not, he will just captivate you in his dark eyes and stare at you endearingly. “What are you thinking about, kitten? I hope it’s something related to me~” Then, he’ll dig his hands through your hair and massage your head as he breathes you in until he gets intoxicated with you.

When he gets jealous

He’s the type to get so jealous, it becomes suffocating for him--especially when he doesn’t outwardly show it. So whenever anyone remotely shows interest in you, he’ll keep his cool for the most part, but will get very irritable and clingy. It doesn’t matter how subtle they were, it could’ve been a single glance, even, but alarms will go off. He will pull you into a tight embrace and bury his face in your neck until they leave. You don’t really mind because he isn’t giving anybody trouble, but you do find it cute when he immediately returns to his soft side afterwards.

Zao isn’t the biggest fan of conflict, even if he’s more than capable of it. Instead, he will gravitate towards his intelligence and cunning to outdo anybody he hates. Stalking is definitely on the table if he needs to get to know someone, then, when it comes down to it, sabotage. He will do anything to keep them busy so they wouldn’t have to see you. And he succeeds every time without you finding out.

Unlike most SO’s, it’s easier for him to get jealous over friends than love interests. He values the emotional aspect of your relationship with him the most, and gets very upset if you bond with people other than him, platonically or not. To make up for it, he demands your attention and ensures the time you spend with him is two times more fulfilling than whoever it was you were with. This is the fundamental reason why he’s more susceptible to getting jealous--literally anybody is a rival in his eyes.

This is all the more reason to be so much more paranoid and restless than other typical yanderes.

When you argue

He doesn’t agree with you on a lot of things, so it’s like talking to a brick wall. Objective subjects are easy to get through when it’s straight up facts, but if the topic is about what he can or cannot do in the relationship, save your breath. You will never get through to him. When he feels entitled to something, he takes his own side, regardless of what you feel about it.

Nevertheless, he will do the bare-minimum of leaving you alone in the meantime when you’re upset. That’s how he somehow respects this boundary he just crossed. But a few hours later, he will go back to normal, which means he will be affectionate even when you’re not in the mood. This cues the second phase of the fight. While you’re trying your damndest to push him away, he will corner you, physically and mentally.

While he hugs you tight, he will force you to look at him while you cry. It’s invasive and suffocating, but the night always ends with you making up with him. Be it kissing or other means. It’s unfair, but no matter what he does, you can’t help giving in to him. And he knows this very well. That’s why he keeps doing it.

Psychology + When he snaps

He is much more intelligent than he lets on. Even though he already knows you like the back of his hand, he studies you every day. If you asked him what you were thinking about, he could probably guess it. That’s what makes him such an intense lover. You can’t hide anything from him if you tried. Hence, he has a terrifying amount of control in the relationship, and he will use it to his advantage.

Zao is a good multitasker. He can juggle his ‘job’ and hobbies while keeping you in the palm of his hand. There is absolutely nothing you can do without him finding out, and this is precisely how he keeps himself miles ahead of you.

As everything progresses, he will tolerate less and less. His love language is how much quality time he gets with you, along with emotional connection. Eventually, he will start ruling out the prospect of you having any of these things with anyone besides him. That includes friends, so he will start isolating you from them, all until the only soul you are truly close to is him. Soon, you will have to rely on him for everything, which he absolutely loves. He will make himself the only person in your life.

As this continues, he will become obsessed with the idea of your co-dependency on him. Zao always loved looking after you, but he isn’t satisfied with that anymore. Being your own person? Hell no. Every single thing you do, he will be in the backdrop. If not, he will be next to you, and start influencing your own thoughts until you can’t even trust yourself.

At this point, he is manipulating you to accept everything he does. And he succeeds a lot of the time, especially when he’s so unfazed. You start wondering if you should be this unfazed, even when what he’s doing is wrong.

If one of your friends tries to intervene, he will make sure they won’t see the light of day ever again. He has a lot of connections, and combined with how cunning he is, he can get them to disappear with the snap of his fingers. He will keep doing this until every single person in your life is gone if he has to.

Zao acts purely on his own desires. It’s his moral compass. Right and wrong will blur together so long as it’s for you, and there’s nothing he won’t do. Murder is as casual of a topic to discuss and do as having breakfast.

A lot of psychopaths would at least get the thrill of doing something so heinous, but he won’t give a shit. He won’t bat an eye. He won’t feel the smallest shred of remorse and carry on like nothing happened. But what he will feel is satisfaction.

If you find out what he did

You can cry all you like. He’ll only feel remotely guilty because you’re heartbroken, but it passes pretty quickly when he’s happy with what he’s done. You could try running away too. Try. But he always finds you. It doesn’t matter if you leave the country and go into hiding. He will follow you to the ends of Earth for the rest of his life. What can he say? He loves a good chase. It’s a fun game of cat and mouse he knows he’ll win.

Every time he finds you, he’ll sneak up to you from behind and whisper, “Are you done, now? Let’s go home already.” If you try to run away again, he’ll just catch you and hold you tight, even while you’re thrashing in his arms. “I can do this forever, kitten. You have nobody else to go to, and nowhere else to be. So don’t waste your energy and come back with me.”

Response to ask:

Of course :) I’m honored you submitted an ask to me after thinking about him 🤗 He’s definitely one of my favorites! Zao’s gotta be the most fleshed out 2p next to Allen. Since 2p’s aren’t canon, they rely solely on the fandom’s interpretation and ability to dish out content on them. I haven’t seen any proper yandere stuff on Zao, so I think this is a first. And boy, he’s a terrifying one for sure. I feel like he embodies the worst of the yandere trope because he’s into psychological manipulation. Worst isn’t the right word, actually. I believe ‘accurate’ is a better way of describing it. This is what a real yandere looks like.

#yandere #yandere headcanons #headcanons #hetalia #2ptalia #2p!china #2p china #2p china headcanons #Axis powers ヘタリア #axis powers hetalia #request #ask answered #hetalia fanfiction

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reidslibrarybook · 2 years

Text

sometimes I get so sad thinking abt the future and how the number of things I have to do will literally skyrocket. I don’t even wanna leave tumblr but how feasible is writing fics when I can barely get my shit together and stay out of fucking trouble. like ? why is nothing working out for me rn?

I can’t write and when I do have some sort of motivation I’m stuck in an outside situation I don’t even want to be in that makes me so anxious. and I’m not even paranoid for no reason, I’m literally feel stuck in this bubble of being afraid of what could happen to me cuz of this one person Idek.

now I have to wait two and a half fucking months until this shit can be over. I realize it doesn’t sound that long but after what happened I don’t think I’ll ever be able to feel like im safe anymore. Im so fucking scared all the time and even when I’m with someone I trust my whole life with, im afraid…all because of that fucking asshole.

I realize this makes no sense without context and idk how a regular anxiety dumping post turned into this so im sorry if you’ve read this all the way thru lmao. Just needed to let that out 😐

#tw anxiety #I’m just dumping thoughts out #don’t mind me 😐

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jerbric · 3 years

Note

can u tell us abt the au? 👀

Yes! Also this was going to be a brief summary but the more I wrote the more invested I got and so I fully fleshed out the AU for both you and me. It’s sooooo long so if you end up not reading it, that’s cool. Anyway,

You know those AUs where when Della disappears, her eggs are split between the cousins and when the kids find out about each other they try to Parent Trap everyone? So it’s a little bit of a spin off of those AUs.

Basically, the eggs are split, yes with the basic Louie/Gladstone, Huey/Fethry, and Dewey/Donald concept. Anyway, they grow up with their respective parents, and accept their very simple lives. Except one day, out of curiosity, Huey asks Fethry about his parents, and Fethry goes on to talk about Della and everything else. He talks about Donald and Scrooge and Gladstone, and how one day Della just “disappeared,” but he never once mentions Dewey and Louie. So, interested to learn exactly what had happened, Huey begins to write letters to Scrooge McDuck, hoping that one day he’ll respond and want to meet up and reconnect. Unfortunately, that never happens, so he ends up giving up and going back to being comfortable in his little home with Fethry.

Back at the manor, Webby is still invested in McDuck history and heritage. She still makes her boards and all that, and this time, she gets her hands on Della Duck’s old journal way earlier. She looks up to Della and starts to wonder what happened to her and why Scrooge ever stopped adventuring. She tries to grab Scrooge’s attention from afar but it’s fruitless, and her little adventure is at a dead end. Until! Until one day, she’s getting the mail at Beakley’s request, and she finds letter from someone cities away from Duckburg. They’re addressed to Scrooge, and while Webby knows when to keep her hands to herself, she knows that Scrooge throws out any mail that’s not work related. So she hides the letter and later on takes it to her room. She reads it and is immediately interested in everything Huey Duck has to say and offer.

And she does this with every letter that comes after, each one a request to meet Scrooge. But the more that come, the less formal they are, and the more desperate they sound. The very first one was a formal request to meet Scrooge to talk about some personal business, but later on they begin to give more detail. Huey is Della Duck’s son, he lives with his Uncle Fethry and his grandmother on their farm. He also mentions Gladstone and Donald, and how he hopes the five of them can meet up and reconnect.

Anyway, point is, Webby decides that this is her moment to shine. She’s going to step out of the shadows and bring together Scrooge McDuck’s family and then he will finally notice her! Also, this is an adventure, and it will be long and there will be ups and downs, but just like Della Duck, Webby’s not going to let anything get in her way! I know, she could just ask Beakley for help but Beakley would get upset over the hidden mail and simply say that Webby’s adventure is just her digging into something she shouldn’t. So Webby packs her things and sneaks out of the manor, setting out on her very first adventure. She was trained to defend herself and detect any forms of harm, so she’s ready! (Don’t worry, she left Beakley a note saying she’ll be safe and back in no time.)

She wanders all around Duckburg in search of Donald Duck, who lives there according to Huey. This is how she meets Lena and becomes an unexpected accomplice to shoplifting. Basically, she’s walking around when she’s knocked back by someone, but when she gets up, she only sees the back of the girl as she runs around the corner. As she starts picking up her things, she realizes that the girl forgot something, so she hurries and runs after her in order to return it. She ends up at the abandoned amphitheater, where she confronts Lena, and Lena, who is still paranoid about a passing cop, takes Webby inside and explains what happens. Webby is shocked but let’s it slide because she thinks Lena’s cool and wow! she runs fast!

So Lena asks Webby what she’s doing wandering around Duckburg and Webby shows her the letters and explains her grand plan. Lena takes interest immediately because she still works for Magica and helping Webby out would mean the possible chance of meeting Scrooge McDuck so “you realize travelling alone is dangerous, right? You’re going to need some help.” And obviously Webby let’s her tag along!

They stay at the amphitheater for the night and the next day they set out to find Donald Duck. They figure out where he lives and go to knock on the door. Instead they’re greeted by a young duck who’s bored out of his mind because his babysitter won’t let him do anything. Anyway they meet Dewey, is what happens, and once Webby explains everything to him, he does the same thing Webby did. He packs his things and leaves Donald a note (this happens later that night, not with the babysitter bc that would’ve been yikes lol). He joins them, and then they set off to the city of Macaw, where rumor has it that Gladstone Gander is making some big wins.

The same thing happens, they meet Louie, who agrees to tag along and they set off to find Huey, the reason for this whole adventure. Dewey and Louie bond the entire time going on about “we’re related to the Scrooge McDuck?!” and “where have you been all my life?!” Webby and Lena also bond some more, and they become best friends, and eventually, Lena begins to feel like this life is so prefect and so good. She’s having fun, meeting new people, going to new places, and it’s such a wonderful thing, she would’ve forgotten about Magica if Magica would only stop bugging her about her mission for five minutes.

It’s when they’re on their way to Grandma Duck’s farm, that things start falling apart and they start having doubts. Magica starts to get frustrated and begins causing trouble, which ends up with Lena confessing everything. Despite this, Webby believes in her and she convinces Dewey and Louie to let her stay. They’re hesitant, but they allow it and they help Lena keep Magica at bay. I mean, she can’t do too much while she’s a shadow. And this part isn’t too thought out atm but it will be later.

And so, they end up making it to the farm and finally, they have a warm place to sleep without having to worry. Grandma Duck and everyone else is very welcoming and they provide more information than they had initially agreed to give. The kids spend a few days at the farm and Huey, Dewey, and Louie bond. Webby and Lena talk about what’s going to happen when they get back to Duckburg and Lena begins to doubt how much she’s actually wanted around by the others. So the night before the kids and Fethry are supposed to head out, she leaves.

They boys try to brush it off as “she was going to go her own way when we got back to Duckburg anyway, so does it really matter?” “Of course it does! Lena is my- our friend! We have to find her!” In the end, she’s outvoted by the boys and Fethry, who does try to get on her side but it was a losing fight, and they return to Duckburg, immediately going to Donald. They invite Gladstone over, and once they’re all together, they all go visit Scrooge and it’s one big reunion. And tears and all of that. Of course it doesn’t end there! Webby goes off on her own again to find Lena.

And this is where I leave off because this is too long and I got carried away (also that last part hasn’t been thought out). I am so sorry. If you read all of that, bless you, I love you. Also I think this might be my most thought out AU so far?

#webby vanderquack #ducktales #my aus #long post #< jic #asks

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pocmuzings · 3 years

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Hi! I was hoping for some advice if it's not too much trouble? How many passes do you think you should give a person before you stop rping with them? I've spoke with them about an issue a few times and it keeps happening. We have a mumu together and I love my characters and want to talk about them, whenever I try to the other rper always pulls it back to their characters. I want to talk about their characters too obviously, but it feels as though mine are props for them more than characters 1/2

by themselves. The only time the other rper seems to care is when she wants one of my characters to prop their's up. My characters can never be sad because their's have been through more. Mine are meant to go along with what they want. I have to say no to things at least four times before they start to listen and they still try and push after that. The spotlight only goes to their characters and for only two muns around it feels unfair.

i give people like . . maybe 1-2 chances where i really explain it to them . then if i notice the behaviour continues , or its happening to OTHER PEOPLE , thats when i really just put it on blast and peace out . but thats only because im so used to invalidating my own opinions / feelings and i often feel im paranoid and overthink things / am overreacting in general . but if this person is a friend , they should respect u and listen to u the first time . end of . you deserve so much better . don’t sell urself low like that . if u get a funny feeling abt someone , trust that feeling . u have that feeling for a reason .

#shutup g.#i need to be better at this too #Anonymous

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beetleinmates · 4 years

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OK HERE I GO TALKING ABOUT THE TOME. i’m sorry if it gets confusing i’m HORRIBLE at explaining myself/ perspective of things sometimes and i have a jumbled ass brain that cant put things on paper

Anyways let’s about about this tome. Horrible. Most of it is horrible and inconsistent with the original lore that first came out with legion. Like they added fucking arson? the fuck? They live in a small town that shit would. not hold up. They would get caught instantly. I’m gonna be honest, this arson section came out of No where, not even their cosmetics talk about it. I wouldn’t have that much of a problem if it wasn’t a huge ass THEATER but whatever it happened what can I do. Though, it does have alittle symbolism in it.

Okay let’s get alittle jogger on the original lore before comparing it to the original. i’ll just point out the important shit and move on to my thoughts yadda yadda.

1) Julie is introduced as a girl who is convinced she deserves a better life than in Ormond. I know that doesn’t really tell a lot about her or doesn’t signify who she REALLY is, but it’s important because of her decisions in her tome.

2) When Frank is introduced its seems hinted at he was at multiple parties she has thrown, not one. Kinda leaves things out in the open about possibilities that he was lurking around or not, or something entirely else!

3) One thing I thought was VERY important to keep in mind of the age group of Julies parties. Younger. it is also important about frank and his desire of being admired by a younger audience. When I first read it, I sort of considered it a red flag for numerous reasons. Why would a teen like him care about impressing younger kids? Possibly he likes it because a younger audience is easier to manipulate?

Then you are introduced with this. Frank seeing Julie and them and their lives as an opportunity to shape them into something more. He instructed their plans, he got them together to do reckless things for his own gain. ( seeing that it got to a point they would do anything HE asked.)

Which leads to this. Seeing that they were ALL shocked, this was obviously the first time Frank has done something so violent infront of them. Especially when they HESITATE on stabbing the janitor when he ORDERS them to. Seeing even Frank to tell them to move fast is also another crucial part, because it comes off as sheer panic. Even at the end of the lore there’s like, small hints of Frank being paranoid too but that isn’t really crucial to Julies tome.

Now to Julies tome let’s start it off

couple good things, we figured out the little artist! it’s Julie. cute. And her last name is Ukraine! I’m guessing this is when they first meet, typically ‘omg i drew u hehe..’ moment. Julie invites him to a party yadda, and Frank seems to be a talkative type of dude! really uhm. preachy in a way.

Then we are introduced with julies ‘true colors’ quote on quote. I.. don’t like this at all, I really think bhvr just looked into reddit and their insight of julie of how ‘SHES THE MANIPULATIVE ONE!’ bullshit. but that’s not it. at all. Julie seeks admiration from Frank, showing all her hard work on serial killer. Frank is really into it and Julie eats that shit up. Frank is throwing fuel into the fire to encourage her to go deep into her impulsive thoughts, which you see more in the logs.

Also I found it odd how Frank would read up on Ormond? It’s stated in his original lore he was focused on getting out of Ormond, not educating himself on the place. Anywho.

More bullshit of how Julie is just as insane as Frank which is just. No, I refuse to look at it. This is an interesting log to see though. As i’ve stated before, Frank is the one that is in control. He’s the one that pushed Legion into the reckless shit they did. So seeing Julie take control is interesting. If anything, it’s a form of manipulation Frank is trying to pull. It’s only so subtle though, only acting dumb and testing the waters in what she can do.

This is where things make you go hm! Maybe Frank is really the one in control here. From this point Frank knows how Julie perceives him, they are bonded to the point Julie will tell him anything, even the darkest things. He even encourages her to do these dark desires, which really just shows his manipulative side? EVEN WHEN HE STRAIGHT OUT PREACHES ABT IT ???

Ok so the arson part is just. a mess. An actual mess. Like the setting of it is a fucking mess and COULVE been executed better, but Franks control over julie is really starting to show. His encouragement is pushing her into her darker desires. the fact he LITERALLY sets up this whole burning down something for HER is just pure peer pressure her to make her desires to become a reality. He wants her to embrace these thoughts.

and he CONTINUES to push her. He wants to see how far she’ll go. Why? because he is testing her limits. The only thing is that he’s subtle about it so it’s easy to gloss over. Why? because manipulation is easy to be glossed over. When he asks if she would kill from him is also very important. In the video, he once again tests her to see if she was serious about actually killing someone. To his surprise, she did. As I already complained about.

Okay. I’m just going to say it, Julies tome is a mess. It’s inconsistent. It has many holes as to why they killed another janitor, and you know that was at least their first time because of their masks and it doesn’t correlate to the original lore. (seeing as though Frank dares Joey to vandalize the place.) Susie and Joey has some questionable reactions to Julie LITERALLY KILLING A MAN, only to brush it off like it was nothing and just stare at the body while in the original they were in a LITERAL hurry to clean it all up. What I can say is? it could’ve been executed better. Obviously behavior has a time crunch and what not, but they should really look back on what they wrote and really read what they put down. If there was different settings, different actions, this could’ve been SO much better. I don’t particularly enjoy seeing Julie being a troubled child with some darker desires. I can see her as a kid that was for sure looking more in life and cause a little mischief, but not this. Though I will give props to Bhvr showing Franks control, the subtle hints of him testing her limits. He was the one pulling the strings in making her desires become a reality if you really read into it and examine the video. He was the only one with the knife, he was the one that gave her the knife to give her that opportunity. He was also the one to give her that match and set that place on fire. I will say this a million times, Frank is manipulative. He is NOT a good person, as much as he seems like a sweet guy in the story HE ISNT. that’s how manipulators and abusers pull people in. But yeah, it was a mess, i Really don’t enjoy what path they chose for Julie bc now all the incels are gonna be like “FRANK IS GOOD NOT JULIE.” utter bullshit. anwyays yeah that’s my input. also there was shitty inconsistency with Susie and Joey loving that they caused a bunch of terrible car accidents? uhm??? ok??? yet they cant handle stabbing a janitor. Makes sense.

#rant #SORRY ABT THIS IVE BEE NTALKING ABT IT ALL DAY HONESTLY IM SO SORRY #dbd spoilers #legion dbd

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ofstrikcrs · 4 years

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heyo what’s poppin ! it’s me, hannah ! i’m 20 n vibin in the est. my pronouns r we/them/boys but she/her work as well djskfsmd n i’m currently #unemployed BUT i am a full time student... majoring in dumb bitch theory n loving my gf n i’m at the top of my class baby...... :’) ANYWAY. i’m back again w a ( hopefully ) more condensed version of the infamous google doc(s) STRIKER KIM? MORE LIKE STRIKE ME IN THE HEART I LOVE U BITCH so that u dont all have to read the monstrosity that is my app ( but like, if u wanna... u can find it right HERE )

n without further ado... let’s kick it !

this is striker, he’s 28 ( soon to b 29 #ariesculture ) n he’s very complicated.. very complicated....

his mom cherry kim ( nee corallo ) is the daughter of lorenzo corallo, renowned filmmaker. daphne had a stint in acting in her youth as well but ending up withdrawing from the spotlight once she married his dad.

his dad is warren kim, business man

what kind of business you ask ? well..

let us rewind a little bit, shall we? now if you know anything about the ins and outs of organized crime in new york city, the name corallo might sound *eyes emoji* familiar to you. giovanni corallo was a boss of the lucchese crime family until his arrest and… you guessed it… that means our man lorenzo corallo is a man of the mafia !

lorenzo, however, wasn’t a first-born son which also meant he wasn’t an heir in any way shape or form and was free to do his thing you know BUT when it came time to arrange marriage for his one and only daughter, cherry, it was Expected of him to keep it in the family

enter the kim family, who had been loyal to the lucchese family for as long as they’d been in america and had built up quite a reputation for themselves in the family, so it was just a natural choice to marry off cherry to their son, warren

they had two kids! their first-born son, dagger, and their second-son…. STRIKER !

and, as in all mafia stories, there is no better prize than the benefits reaped from die-hard loyalty, so in addition to getting to marry a corallo girl… a series of unfortunate events ( i.e. some deaths and arrests ) led to the promotion from right-hand man to acting boss of none other than our very own warren kim

now being the child of an acting mob boss is stressful, but being the second-son of an acting mob boss is… slightly less stressful. see, cherry stepping Out of the spotlight was a strategic move on her own part but was entirely her own decision which meant that striker was free to choose the exact opposite

with no real mafia-related responsibilities or expectations ( other than keeping his mouth SHUT ) on his shoulders, he was more or less… free to roam however he wanted and as he’s always had a taste for the finer things in life, there’s no real surprise that he chose to follow his mother’s side of the family and became nothing short of a socialite in new york city

which.. despite what the press says abt our #mans striker kim ( i.e. being a billionaire playboy, irresponsible, reckless, wild, etc. ) he’s smart n his main motivation for heading straight for the spotlight is bc every person who falls in love w him is part of a complex and expansive insurance policy that makes it that much harder for the mafia to make him Disappear, u know ?

this is one of the reasons why striker and dagger never Really not along, though striker’s always had this theory that dagger was built for nothing but the mafia anyway bc he’s straight up one of the meanest, cruelest, most RUTHLESS people that striker has ever met. but, like, with a name like dagger… how could you not be?

things really start getting #Complicated for striker when he’s ABOUT to graduate from college and his dad yeets this mortal coil in a Shocking Tragic Unexpected death ! it doesn’t really affect striker all that much bc striker spent a lot of his life living with his grandfather in the city but… rather when his father dies it’s dagger that ascends into the role of acting boss and BOY OH BOY that’s nothing but trouble for striker

dagger gets striker roped right back into the mafia that he worked his whole life to try n get out of.. just like that. sad.

and because striker is… como se dice…. a stubborn shithead with a penchant for the dramatics, he starts looking for a way to make his brothers life absolute hell because! yes! striker IS the person who fucks with the mafia! what a moron!

for a good few years it was just minor stuff, nothing really consequential, but that gets boring very quickly bc ... u know ... it is what it is

ANYWAY. he really finds his in to what’s going to make dagger kim’s life HELL and that is getting himself involved in a little heist group. there are only so many events that striker can show his face that end with a robbery of some sort before it starts to become suspicious, and it doesn’t take a genius to connect the kim family to the corallo family to the lucchese family. it’s just enough to keep people talking but not enough to actively incriminate himself. and as long as he’s not publicly throwing the lucchese family under the bus, he’s still, by all accounts, insured by the mafia as the son of warren kim.

anyway! enough w the backstory! here’s some fun lil personality n headcanon stuff :’)

first and foremost.. he does have a face tatoo. ( and an eyebrow piercing and yes i have photos of both if u want to see them ) it’s of a crown on his left cheek and he got it within a week of his father dying and dagger forcing him to come back into the mafia to Assert His Dominance n show dagger he was still in charge of his own goddamn decisions so fuck you dagger

dagger punched him in the face for getting the tattoo and he had a black eye for two weeks but you win some you lose some

on the surface? rich kid asshole!!! rich RICH kid asshole!!! you know the kind of guy you take one ( 1 ) look at him and you’re like yeAh u absolutely think that ur better than me ? that’s him

does he rly think he’s better than u? unclear.. depends on who u are... i already have some thots abt who striker wld dislike hmu tho aha x

fluent in english ofc n also korean and italian, his primary language is lit rally a jumble of korean and italian tht nobody can understand but like.. him n dagger n his dad ( rip ) n he also knows a little spanish and japanese.

he’s afraid of horses but will never admit it

he loves to bet!!! he loves it!!! it’s probably from growing up in a family where making bets on things was a major source of income but he will 100000% place bets on anything there is to place bets on and will rope as many people into his betting pools as possible

he hasn’t had his gay awakening yet isn’t that tragic?? turns out the mafia ISN’T a very lgbt friendly place, who would have thought?? so that’s absolutely something that’s going to happen bc we know that i love to make my characters suffer esp when it’s related to their attraction to someone whew…

he’s somehow both the biggest gossip and the most secretive person that you’ll ever meet??? like he’s an instigator n will make offhanded comments abt what he’s observed other ppl doing recently that he thinks are… inch resting… and you’ll have this long ass conversation w him and not realize until like 2 hours later that he didn’t say one ( 1 ) thing abt himself the entire time

you know how finnick from the hunger games used to get paid for things w secrets??? that’s so striker to the core… like you can’t buy him or bribe him bc baby has $$$ and is so disinterested in the glitz and glamor of fast cars and expensive drinks and whatnot, so if you really want him to do something for him… you’re going to have to trade him some secrets… n that’s that on that!

he doesn’t like to take his shirt off around ppl bc #scars ( predominantly the large letter L that’s branded on his chest but there are some others that i haven’t decided on yet ) anyway he does not partake in the pool parties n as explanation has just always told everyone that he doesn’t know how to swim… n he’ll die w that lie, thank u !

very paranoid... has 2 different phones w his contacts n codes.. folds his clothes a certain way so he can know if someone touched his stuff... has a fun in a safe under his bed that he changes the passcode to regularly.... he also has some ocd but a lot of it is #trauma

im sry there r so many points here i .. rly tried to trim them down n there are like 300% more in my app but.. whew... ok

i’m going to stop now but pls.. pls plot w me i beg ok thank u bye

#heistintro #this is so long im so sorry #ok

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mattsyrmiller · 4 years

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( ✩ - ARON PIPER, MALE, TWENTY-ONE, HE/HIM ) have you seen MATÍAS MILLER around campus lately? HE is a SENIOR studying as a BUSINESS MAJOR. they remind me a lot of covered-up tattoos, cigarettes, endless streams of coffee and business agendas, probably because they are LOYAL & TACTICAL. HE is living OFF CAMPUS at the moment! ✩ beti, 21, CET, she/her. – )

hello hello! i’m beti and this is my fav child Matt!! i tried do a summary of his bio but it ended up so long i added a summary to the summary lol,, scroll to the bottom for that. also hmu for plots and connections, either here or on discord!

matt was the result of an unplanned teen pregnancy

his dad’s parents disowned their son upon learning he fathered a child at seventeen and denied him any and all financial support, which among other things meant he would no longer be able to attend an ivy league business school he’d already been accepted into

his mom’s parents helped with the bare essentials for raising a child, but never gave more than absolutely necessary, oftentimes leaving the young family struggling to pay their bills

his parents started having a lot of relationship problems but stayed together for the sake of their child, as soon as his mom realized matt was the only thing keeping the family together, she “accidentally” forgot to take her birth control and gave birth to twin boys and later a little girl

when matt was 8 his parents had a nasty split, dad moved to new york and completely cut ties with his family, matt was the only one to keep in contact with him

the reason his dad moved to NY was because of a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity that skyrocketed his venture capital firm and made him a prominent name in the world of venture capital

Matt has spent his whole life trying to be like his dad, he always pushed himself to be at the top of his class, had to be the president of every club he found himself in, attended all local business talks (first as a visitor, then as a speaker) and has been working on getting his name out there since he was basically a child

he ended up graduating high school a year early (partially cause he knew it would look good on his resume and partially because he really wanted to get out of his hometown,,,, his mom remarried soon after his dad left and yes, her new husband was actually a very cool guy, but the whole family tried to pretend like matt’s real dad didn’t even exist and the stepdad was the only guy in their life and that just,,, irked matt a lot and caused a lot of fights in the household)

he moved to California when he was 17 to major in international business at Columbia

his dad’s net worth had reached the millions by then, he didn’t really care to share the wealth with his ex-wife and kids, but he did start sending generous checks Matt’s way once he started uni

with no financial troubles to weigh him down, matt spent his undergrad years as a library dweller by day, party animal by night, his ability to balance a thriving social life and a successful academic career probably his biggest talent of all

at the beginning of his very last undergrad semester, his dad fatally injured himself while rock climbing, leaving all of his shares of Miller Ventures to Mat

matt became the majority owner of one of the biggest firms in the country basically overnight with his net worth now just shy of $700 mil

miller ventures came under fire when news broke on then 19-year-old matt being the new guy in charge, most people didn’t even know his dad had a child and so they weren’t too trusting of the decision to leave this huge company in the arms of some unknown kid

matt became terrified of ruining his dad’s legacy, he quickly appointed one of his dad’s business partners a CEO and told everyone he would remain a hands-off owner until he completed his degree and got some real-life business experience

hard work has always been his means of distraction and so he managed to graduate top of his class at Columbia and even get himself accepted into NYU’s business MA program that very same year

he lives off-campus, in a manhattan penthouse he inherited from his dad

at the moment, every decision he makes links back to the firm and his fear of doing something stupid that could ruin its reputation

if he’s not good friends with people and doesn’t feel 100% comfortable around them, there’s about a 99% chance he’ll be extra fake when interacting with them, mainly because he’s afraid of cancel culture and doesn’t want to do anything stupid that would reflect poorly on the value of his firm

for that same reason, he doesn’t have a real social media presence and is super cautious about how much he shares with strangers

he used to be a huge party animal, but stopped going out as much after inheriting the firm (again, because he doesn’t want to be labeled as a reckless young drunk who’ll just run the firm into the ground). He’s still very social though and loves to host events, one of his favorite things is to just get together with friends and do game nights (he loves event hosting!)

In general, he’s just really hardworking, really cares about his image and will be super fake nice to everyone, though he’ll revert back to the outspoken, direct, flirty kid he’s always been with people he trusts

he’s pretty much just a walking identity crisis, split between being a serious businessman and a twenty-one-year-old carefree daredevil

Also! After his dad died, his mom refused to go to the funeral or even let her other kids attend it, she asked Matt to give up the firm and come home instead, they had a huge falling out over it and ended up cutting ties with each other

Even though they don’t speak anymore, Matt still loves his mom and is thankful for all the sacrifices she’s made, he misses her and his siblings very much, but is too stubborn and too proud to go home. If anyone asks, he’ll just say his family is happy back in Atlanta and won’t even hint at any family drama

His mom is Spanish and she made sure her kids grew up around Spanish media so Matt is bilingual, but I don’t really speak Spanish so please don’t test me on that………… he also speaks fluent german and is attempting to learn mandarin cause ykno its good for business

His full name is Matías Sawyer Muratalla Miller but he dropped his mother’s last name after the falling out so he goes by Matías Miller in public/business settings and by Matt Miller in private.

Idk that’s it I think? He’s a dog person, hasn’t seen most major blockbusters in the recent years, deleted Netflix cause he wants to be more productive but ironically still has cable, one of his goals is to open a board game cafe though it's more of a hobby for him than a main business type of a ting, he loves sports, huge soccer fan, loves to work out, loves being outdoors, prefers to be with people than alone, he’s definitely an extravert and a big social butterfly

that’s all i can think or right now but hmu and we can do plots and connections and i’ll let you know if i think of anything else!!

SUMMARY:

He’s a business boy who used to be a party boy until his dad (his #1 role model in life) passed away and left him with a huge venture capital firm, now he’s in a constant state of an identity crisis, split between not wanting to take life too seriously and always being afraid of doing something stupid that could ruin the reputation of his firm, he’s a lil paranoid about how people perceive him and what kind of an image he gives off to the world. He’s the biggest extravert you’ll ever met and n e e d s people around him at all times, needs at least like five friends to talk about life and feelings with (but is also a bit paranoid people only want to be friends with him for his money so that sucks) uhh yeah idk he’s doing his best i know he seems fake at first but idk give him a chance he’s a very loyal friend and fun to mess around with when he forgets to give a shit abt his reputation

#nyuintro

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aplaceforthesoul · 7 years

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Anonymous submitted:

hi im sorry to bug you but i need advice. and also tw for possible emotional abuse!!!!

i have a friend who is very mentally ill. i am also very mentally ill. he is a trans gay boy and i am a cis girl who is pansexual.

this friend went through a period of about 3 months where he cut me out of his life and ignored me for seemingly no reason, leaving me friendless and confused and abandoned. i would try to talk to him but he would ignore me or be extremely snippy, giving me short answers and refusing to even acknowledge me. i tried so hard to talk to him at first but he ignored me in favor of new friends and new people and i was so sad and so jealous. i talked to him about it about a week ago and he apologized and said he’s sorry and that he’s “a horrible friend” and that he “was just doing it so he wouldn’t lash out at me”, which i get but even after that conversation, he still ignores me and makes me feel awful.

he also lies to me and makes me feel anxious all the time. for example, i have a crush on this boy from my work and I’ll talk about him sometimes. but whenever I would talk about him, he would go on social media and post like “lol time for another breakdown”. and i confronted him about it and asked like “hey, does it bother you that i talk about this boy?” And he was like “why would it bother me?” And I was like “i don’t know, just please tell me if it does.”. And he just goes “that would be irrational”. So I asked further and he just said “it doesn’t bother me. But if it did, it would be unfair of me to tell you that.” and i was like “no, that’s not how relationships work. you need to tell me these things.” And he went into a breakdown and said “I don’t ever do enough for anyone it’s never enough. I need to make relationships balanced. Nothing I ever do is enough”. and like!!! it really wouldn’t bother me if he didn’t want me to talk about the boy I like! it just bothers me that I’m being lied to.

i think he doesn’t want me to talk about the boy because he’s very paranoid that nobody will want to b in a relationship with him.

he also gets mad when I ask if he’s okay. I’ll be like “hey how are you” and he’ll reply “fine.” And I know that’s a sign that he’s not okay So I say “are you sure?”. and he goes. “Yeah. If I say I’m fine, I’m fine”.

and like I’ll talk to him as much as I can and I would go out of my way to make sure he’s good and comfortable and happy and I would buy him so much stuff and stay up for nights and nights in a row to help him when he breaks down but then he’ll post stuff like “nobody ever try’s to help me. I’m all alone and nobody listens to me. They just overshadow me.” And it just hurts I guess.

he makes posts on his finsta about how he doesn’t want to be people’s therapists and how everyone just uses him and he spends all his time helping other people. and it makes me feel shitty about going to him for help. But then i feel bad and i feel guilty for feeling bad!! and he’ll also make posts that say, “i need to shut up and help everyone else. I need to help other people with their problems. I need to not feel guilty.” And that makes me feel like he’s only nice to me because he feels GUILTY!!! which I hate so much. but then I’m stuck because i try to help him but he shuts me down!!

and also whenever I talk to him about my problems, he’ll make a finsta post abt how “lol I’m breaking down again” and “I’m a bad friend”. he blames himself for his friends because depressed and it makes me feel like I can’t talk to him about my own issues.

im scared to see him at school because i hate feeling like he’s going to get upset with me or have a breakdown or something. or he’s going to ignore me and make me feel disgusting. once i flinched around him and he got really upset and was like “god, I’m awful. I don’t want to scare you I’m such a bad friend”.

he’s been emotionally abused in the past so I don’t want to believe he’s emotionally abusing me. Also he is very kind to me sometimes and he does tell me that I can always talk to him if I need something, but I just feel scared of pushing him into a breakdown.

I’m sorry this is so long. I just feel so alone. i feel so sick and i get anxious like I can’t breathe around him. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I feel constantly guilt tripped and hurt and scared

ahhhh this sounds like such a negative and unhealthy friendship ): this post and this website talk about emotional abuse and ways to identify it, it could be helpful to read.

whether it’s emotional abuse or not though, it’s still a really toxic friendship? like there’s so many aspects that are red flags and warning signs that this isn’t a person to have in your life. I mean I think one of more unhealthy behaviours is documenting every. single. thought. and. feeling that he has online, knowing that you’re going to see it? like that’s not cool!! \: I’m all for using diaries and journals and online spaces to vent and to get things off your chest, I mean I use my own tumblr blog for that all the time haha. but it just comes off as very passive-aggressive when he writes down all his negative feelings that concern (or are connected to) you, knowing that you’re going to see it and read it. like if you have a problem with someone then just talk to them?? or if you don’t want to talk to them and still want to get it off your chest, then find some place to write it all down where that person isn’t going to read it.

it’s terrible that he has mental health troubles and is plainly in a dark place, mentally? but his mental health problems are only an explanation of his actions, not a justification or an excuse. you need to look after yourself too! ): and if you find yourself feeling spending more of the time upset and negative, rather than happy? then it’s probably a sign that it’s best for the friendship to send.

from all that you’ve said, it sounds like you’ve trying to do everything right by him? it’s unfortunate that the depression he’s experiencing isn’t letting him see that, it sounds like he’s got a lot to work through with someone trained in mental health.

where to go from here? I’d encourage him to seek help from a qualified therapist if it’s all possible, but in the mean time I’d distance yourself from him. given his anxiety and depression, I think it would be best to talk to him and tell him that you need some space? let him know that you need to deal with your own mental health issues, and that his way of behaving around you at times makes you feel sad and guilty. that way? 1) you’re directly giving him a reason, rather than leaving him feeling confused and with questions, 2) you’re gently stating that while you have issues to work through, his way of acting towards you wasn’t fair or healthy, like he needs to know and acknowledge that.

I’m not entirely sure whether this is emotional abuse, because he sounds like he tries to be nice or wants to help you out when he can? it sounds like he’s got good intentions but just doesn’t know how to follow through on that, it doesn’t sound like he’s deliberately trying to be manipulative, controlling or setting out with an intention to be hurtful. however!!!! this is still a really unhealthy friendship and it’s clear that it’s affecting you a lot, so I do feel it’s best to give yourself some space from him, spend time with others and make your own mental health a priority. take care friend, safe safe <33

- tash

#advice #submission #emotional abuse #emotional abuse tw #friends #toxic #unhealthy #anxiety #passive agressive

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