#i want harry to ruin me :(

[u3pxx]

KIM KITSURAGI - “Is that. My kineema.”

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Something in him is about to break, *big time*.

EMPATHY - And it’s not going to be pretty, do something!

- DRAMA [Formidable] - Everything is fine!

- “Sure is.”

DRAMA [Formidable: Failure] - Surely he’s aware that he’s not the *only* person in the world who owns a Kineema?

YOU - “Is it really *yours*? I mean, plenty of people have their own Kineemas, right? Like working men, government offices, uh, firefighters I guess, maybe even animal control people? Exactly! A million different people who could’ve driven it into the uh…”

DRAMA - Pause, my liege! Ixnay on the Ineemakay!

YOU - “It could even be our *mysterious* joyrider!”

KIM KITSURAGI - Your frenzied babbling falls deaf to the lieutenant's ears. Instead, he approaches the broken vehicle, sunken in the ice. He moves with a caution and gentleness you haven’t seen him display before.

INLAND EMPIRE - It must be cold and lonely down there, in the icy water. Maybe he could sense its sorrow, calling to him…

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Easy: Success] - His hands, which are always stiffly placed behind his back, are trembling.

ENDURANCE - This is the shuffle of a tired, tired man.

HALF LIGHT - He’s going to do something drastic because of you. Oh god, terrible! You’re a terrible liar! You can’t look at this, you just can’t!

VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - It's not *you* who drove his kineema into the sea. You have plenty of faults, but this one is decidedly not yours.

KIM KITSURAGI - He kneels down with his head bowed, casting his face in shadow. He plants a hand on the ice to stabilize himself, squinting to get a better view of the motor carriage. “Detective, it says ‘57’ on it.”

YOU - Sweat drips down your brow, and you feel a terrible headache coming. “Maybe our joyrider has an affinity for that number?”

LOGIC - He's not stupid, he knows that it's not that.

KIM KITSURAGI - “57.”

YOU - “What about 57?”, you brace yourself.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Precinct 57.”

YOU - You wince. “Kim, look-”

KIM KITSURAGI - “When I woke up in the Whirling-in-Rags with no memory of what happened during the days before, I've taken note that something of mine has gone missing.” He grits his teeth. "A very. Important. Something."

He runs his hands over his face, messing his already unkempt hair in the process. Regret creeps up on his features. “God. Fuck. They’re going to fire me over this, they’re not going to hear me out.”

EMPATHY - Desperation settles in the lieutenant's tone. Sadly, you find yourself in agreement, even if you don’t want it to be the truth.

YOU - “People are more valuable than machines, Kim.”

KIM KITSURAGI - “Not people like me.” He rasps.

YOU - “…”

KIM KITSURAGI - Before you can say anything more, you fail to notice the lieutenant carefully walking onto the edge of the ice. He looks over the frigid water, a dizzying blue that mirrors and distorts his exhausted face back to him.

YOU - “Kim?”

KIM KITSURAGI - Seconds pass as he looks to be contemplating something. Out of nowhere, he casually takes another step where the ice ends and the sea begins. It happens all too quick for the lieutenant to even voice a call for help— if he even wanted to — his body plunging into the cold water before your eyes.

YOU - “KIM!!!!”

uhhh bonus stuff? sorry i have swap au brainworms pfttt

(im not sure what skills kim has at the moment so rn he only has narration as his inner monologue ok whoops, i would like to keep harry as the guy who thinks in dialogue trees so im still figuring it out pfttt)

also, this was done bc i wanted to expand on these old scribbles of mine, just like an idea, i just think that he'd be having an even worse time wheezes

#disco elysium #kim kitsuragi #harry du bois #den's disco swap #disco elysium role swap #HI nobody look at the fact that. i am a novice writer at best DFGHJFGH #i had idea for some comic dialogue but it ended up being this instead whoops. i mean i could still draw this as a comic #anyways. i was like. trying to reverse engineer my idea of how kim can change into his bomber jacket instead of his uniform. #which. i dont think you can do with just simple convincing bc that thing is fused to him in spirit so there has to be like a good reason wh #oh it gets ruined! how? it gets like wet or smth! how'd that happened? he threw himself into the sea #also isnt it fitting that my memory problems is making me not remember the things that happen in disco elysium very well wheezes #so whoops if the characterization is a lil off lmaoooooo #but i have been trying to figure out how i want harry to be in this swap au #i dont think he's as well as he wants you to believe he is. and just the image of him pushing this 'youre allowed to be in denial about + #this' to kim about the kineema was so vivid in my head and idk if that tracks but hell. its in there now dfghdjfg #starry don't look #sunnysidedraws #sunnysidedisco

[thatsrightice]

Hyping myself up for Part 5 dropping tonight be like—

#less than 13 hours until it drops!!!!! #when I first found out the episodes dropped on Thursdays in the US I was so confused 😅 #if you want the premiere times let me know and I’ll drop the graphic #literally freaking out #masters of the air #mota #Anthony Boyle #Harry Crosby #tumblr ruins gif quality and I’m at work so you’ll have to deal. I can drop this whole 30 sec video tho if you want me to #mota musings

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

do you support jkr? /genq

because i really like your content but am a little unnerved so i would like to clarify so i can put my mind at ease

Thank you for asking anon maggot and here you shall have my answer (I have to say I might get a tad bit emotional because this is very very very important to me):

FUCK JKR WE DO NOT SUPPORT JKR OR HER TRANSPHOBIA ON THIS BLOG. I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO YELL THIS LOUDER BUT I CANNOT POSSIBLY.

Fuck JKR, and fuck everything she did to tear away the safe space her stories had made from queer people everywhere. Fuck her for using her position of influence to endanger the lives of a community that's already so vulnerable.

I'm a trans man, and while I refuse to let what she did take away the joy I've found in the queer parts of the Harry Potter fandom (because it exists, god bless fandom), I will never spend a day without feeling sick at the thought of how much grief she's brought to me and queer people everywhere.

[adding an edit here to say that there is an explicit discussion of transphobia below, so content warning, skip the next two paragraphs if you need to]

It's really sad that I understand completely why you asked that question, anon maggot. Because every time I enjoy someone's content or a creator, I'm always, always wondering but what if, but what if they hate my community, but what if they're against people like me, I don't know if I can feel safe here.

I never know if I can feel safe anywhere. I have to sit and listen to people who love me and I'm not out to, as they talk about how trans people shouldn't have basic human rights. It's a sickening feeling to know how if I said just one sentence, people who claimed to love me, the families of my friends, would immediately just... turn on me. Invalidate me at best, and I'd rather not think about the worst.

Please know that this blog supports all queer people (yes that includes people who are aroace spec, of course it does, that should not be discourse that is happening at all, but it is, so yeah).

You are all safe here. I will do everything possible to make sure you know that.

#good omens mascot #weirdly specific but ok #asmi #maggots #lgbtqia #good omens #good omens fandom #good omens is a queer show #and i love it for that #the fandom gave me a place where i felt accepted #i want this blog to be as safe as that #transgender #trans rights #fuck jkr #harry potter fandom #and the author that did her best to ruin it #trans rights are human rights #aroace people are queer #and part of the community #aroace #aromantic #asexual #trans #queer communities

[pparkerized]

you're telling me they're making this harry. this fella, this silly little guy into a villain??

#allow me to rant in the tags #i already made a post saying how unique and different insomniac!harry was to other harry's #in how sweet and caring he's shown to be in the crumbs we got of him. he genuinely wants to make a difference in the world #and now he's been given a second chance at life #idk how they're planning to take his arc. but i'm guessing its something like. he wants to heal the world (as said in the trailer) #like he was healed. and thats. not really a bad thing. but it seems somewhere along the way he gets obsessed with this goal #then gets the symbiote. gets corrupted by it. and then his entire character is gone bc they wanted another big bad #and it seems harry's character was the only one worth stripping away #i love this harry already. but i am so afraid that they're just gonna ruin him. like tasm harry #marvel #insomniac spider man #harry osborn #venom #marvel spiderman

[kalakilo]

me trying to come up with literally ANY type of explanation to the aous ending that wouldnt mean what it most obviously means because i am so devastated

#ive seen some people say it kind of ruins the film for them #and in a sense i can see how the ending could go different ways as well #but. idk to me it just served like the final gut punch #also??? idk if this is mental but to me another possibility is that harry couldve done it the night adam went to show him his parents house #thats actually how i sort of interpreted it whilst i was in the cinema #but maybe thats also because i didnt want to accept the common interpretation. its too much #and whether it be that harry also re-experiences his death or adam chooses to embrace his ghost like both are devastating to me #because grief is not easy at all!!!!!! so like to say that adam starts grieving harry then is also just😭😭😭😭sad asfuck #but it could also very well be him sort of reassuring harry like he did his parents. how he tells them both that they went quick even though #his mom didnt. so adam reassuring harry with 'youre not in there' and asking him to go upstairs could be him letting go as well #but no fr there is no way to me that none of that was real. #god i am truly so devastated. i just fucking rewatched aftersun why do i do this to myself #lol anyway! #all of us strangers

[disco-elysium-sideblog]

hey! can we see your playthrough notes?

You absolutely can! A lot of them have made it into my posts in one way or another, so it probably won't be a lot thoughts people haven't seen before, but I'm happy to share! It's definitely fun to look back on now that I know more about the game. These notes were intended just for me to organize my thoughts so they might not make a lot of sense to other people, or be phrased in the best possible way. Also TW for a self harm mention

I hope it's everything you hoped for lol

#disco elysium #love how my notes go back and forth between first second and third person to talk about Harry #self harm tw #some of the phrasing here is weird #like the way I talked about Kim once kinda made it sound like I liked him *because* he handled racism stoically and that's not true at all #in my first playthrough I immediately pushed over the pale emitter instead of talking to Ruby so you can see me being shocked by some fairl #basic plot points in the second playthrough lol #I'm not going to fix the spelling mistakes it adds to the vibe #i also started but didn't complete the communism quest in my first playthrough #the tribunal really caught me by surprise ok!! #I also wanted to wait until after my third playthrough to look at fandom stuff to avoid spoilers but then I didn't #and I still haven't finished my third playthrough!! #it gets mentioned in the notes but sometimes when I hyperfixate on something hard enough I get afraid to engage with it because I don't wan #to 'ruin' it #I'll finish my third playthrough eventually

[batfamfixation]

Actually? Fuck all of the people trying to gatekeep comic book characters that exist in other media. Acting like people can only form opinions about characters based on the comics is bullshit. If someone likes the Teen Titans because of the TV show instead of taking the time to read the thousands of comics "required" to be a "real fan" of those characters, good for them. If someone likes the Young Justice or Justice League cartoons and wants to talk about their love of those characters, they should. If Batman from Batman the Animated Series is a person's favorite version of Batman and their comfort character, GOOD FOR THEM.

This need to gatekeep comic book characters that appear in other media is fucking gross. If someone loves Batman and says he's a great guy because of how he's depicted outside of modern comics, then they're not a "fake" Batman fan, they just love a version of Batman that you don't care about. The same goes for all of the other DC shows and movies. People are allowed to love versions of characters that exist outside of comics and call themselves a fan of that character.

Stop. Gatekeeping. Fictional. Characters

#Are there any fandoms that aren't toxic? Please? #Growing up I experienced misogyny for liking media that fanboys considered to be theirs #(looking at you ⭐ Wars fandom) #I didn't experience misogyny in the Harry Potter fandom before the series ended but then JK R0wling ruined that herself #fucking with the spelling of fandoms so they don't show up in those tags #I felt fetishized and objectified in anime fan spaces (am lesbian) #Comic book fandoms used to be dominated by misogynistic white guys who didn't believe women who said they liked comics #Remember when we used to criticize guys who wanted women to prove they were “real” fans???? #Why are women now doing that? #So many women fought to be a part of fandom spaces just to turn around and join in on the gatekeeping #Setting rules on who can call themselves a fan #Stop #Please #I'm so tired of going to character and comic books tags just to see people gatekeeping what iterations and ships are acceptable #This fandom is full of so much hate that I'm losing my love of comic books #I planned on binging Roy's comics #but the die-hard Arrowf@m fans “us vs the Batfam” mentality is ruining the character for me #and from what I've seen of Roy's Titan run I relate to him a lot and absolutely planned on making him my next comfort character #and I really need fucking comfort right now

[origami-butterfly]

Ok but sometimes the most infuriating political stance a person can have is point blank refusing to discuss social issues with you when you bring it up because they "don't want to get political". Don't open the tags unless you want to read a rant

#my random stuff #vaguepost #vent post #like... babes. how do i explain EVERY DAMN THING YOU DO can be considered political by some metric #YES that includes your silence #also the fact that they will happily talk about being a socialist and fuck the tories and everything #but then if i ever want to discuss something that doesn't directly affect them they will literally just shut me down #like i know our normal friendship consists of sunshine and rainbows and silliness #but I'd fucking appreciate if you didn't ruin that friendship by refusing to agree with me about things that should be a no brainer #I can't even discuss fucking JK ROWLING with them!! because their sibling loves harry potter and they always say “it's just a kids series” #and “let them have their nostalgia” #OH I'M SORRY. #DOES YOUR FUCKING NOSTALGIA MEAN MORE TO YOU THAN MY LITERAL SURVIVAL AND HEALTH??? #like. I'm sorry but there's more important things here #babygirl i don't know how to explain to you #that if a political party said they were going to kill all lefties people BUT give all right handed people unlimited access to horror films #you would vote for them wouldn't you? #even though I'm left handed you'd say “of course i support left handedness how can you even question that” #<- shit metaphor. i know. #but i could point out “yeah they want to kill me” and they'd say “I just don't know enough about it to discuss this; sorry” #like??? if you don't know enough #maybe. fucking?? educate yourself??? by having discussions about it??? #PLEASE pull your head out the sand sweetie #saying you care is just empty fucking words #i shouldn't be saying this; they're one of my oldest friends but GOD. #if you can't even agree with me about jkr being a fucking holocaust denier we're going to keep having problems

[dirt-str1der]

Love characterising nishikiyama as a booze hound drug hound meth addict high every day body mass 75% alcohol hands constantly shaking literally spacing out while driving fifty over the speed limit using elderly folk as speedbumps one hand on the wheel and one hand free to do more drugs and coming into work while functionally deaf and blind and he is still leagues more competent at his job than kiryu

#Yakuza loveblog #i dont talk about nishikiyama enough because im kazamapilled and hate him a little bit but im also kiryupilled and love him so much so you #see my problem? like i adore when nishiki is just. better in every way than kiryu and nobody ever sees that because theyre all too busy #sucking kiryus cock like okay nishiki had the rest of his life planned out when he was twenty and he was an extremely successful criminal #and getting himself noticed in many many circles then kiryu steps outside and gets into a street fight immediately and the entire tojo clan #surrounds him to throw cash at him like nishiki was actually doing so well for himself before his life was ruined. nothing is his fault #like i love just accepting that nishiki has one hell of a substance abuse problem and nobody cares enough about him to talk to him about it #and kiryu thinks its normal because hes the only one who can see that nishikis doing some great work out there so he must be doing #everything right. inconceivable that nishiki has any sort of ‘problem’ hes the real screwup and kiryu knows he makes life harder for himself #but he refuses to change because hes convinced that thats the only thing hes good at. like i believe that nishiki has a coke snorting #mechanic in game like harry db and without his coke buff he cant do as much damage like with it his output is on par with kiryus whos just #been blessed since birth by the violence gods. anyway kiryu is the only person in the world who thinks that nishiki is great do you get it #nishiki has lived his entire life in kiryus shadow and he doesnt care that kiryu has a natural charisma that he will never have. he has to #get out there every single day networking and socialising and hustling and nonstop landing interviews with cool magazines to get his name #out in the world while kazama takes kiryu out and drags him by the elbow to meet people like this is my son kiryu who has every disease and #everyone claps and cheers like i cannot stress enough how on top of the game nishiki is compared to kiryu. he has a car. kiryu doesnt even #have his own lighter. they are not on the same playing field and yet nishikis always trailing behind him because opportunity is always #knocking at kiryus doorstep whether he likes it or not and nishiki gets fed scraps and nothing else and hes the one with ambition he wants #the view on top and most importantly he wanted his brother there with him but nobody ... likes him ... nobody likes nishiki nobodys in his #corner he onky had kiryu and when he lost him it was quite literally him against the world. it always made me laugh how at the end of yk1 #harukas paying her respects at nishikis grave when the only time he ever cared about her was because he wanted her little pendant and he #(actually fucked how alone nishiki was he didnt even have his own fucking men to rely on he was basically working alone with someone he knew #was using him like ??? he was fucking desperate) anyway i really love to think that kiryu being nishikis only friend and the last person in #the world who thought kindly of him (barring like ... kashiwagi) was grieving terribly over his death and haruka being a sensitive and #sweet little girl took the initiative to ask about nishiki and i think kiryu would tell her stories every night of the kind of stuff he and #nishikiyama would get up to when they were her age. he would tell her how amazing nishiki was and how he always looked out for him how he #took care of his sister and how he would always be the one to remind them of impending birthdays and the like. nishiki cared about the #little things .. and he made kiryu want to care about them too but theres just something different between them because nishikis always #been a better person than him .. and he would tell haruka in a voice that sounded like he was begging her to understand that nishiki wasnt a #bad person.. though he did bad things he was a good man and he still wishes with all his heart that he could have done more to save him ...

[wulfhall]

i thought in memoriam by alice winn was really beautiful but then i read somewhere that she started out writing as a really prolific drarry fanfic writer and i can’t even find the source where i read that now to verify it but now in my head that book is just ww1 au drarry sorryyyyyyy. still a very good book but yeah

#i don’t want to slander her if this is untrue and i just dreamt it or something #1 whisper of harry potter is enough to ruin a book for me….okay not RUIN but #massive disclaimer that this might not be true and also no disrespect to fanfic writers at all i love u all etc #but it is the formula of blonde boy dark haired boy……literally if someone said she was a merthur fic writer that would also make sense

[therealvinelle]

Heretical thoughts on Gameboy games?

It's a great way to be introduced to the Harry Potter franchise.

I was eight years old, hadn't read any of the books nor seen the movies when a relative gifted me the Game Boy as well as the game for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

An incredible time was had, complete with the shock I had when the unskippable character dialogue revealed that Sirius Svaart was in fact innocent, and then the teeny tiny pixel rat turned into a not so tiny pixel man. Lupin turned into a werewolf shortly after that, and we had a boss fight.

The only thing resembling drama would be that the game was in Danish, so I learned the Danish versions of everybody's names and made something of a fool of myself because of this when I tried to talk to the cool kids about Harry Potter. "Have you read the books? Or even seen the films?" "No... game boy..."

It was a great game. I sometimes miss it.

#thanks for the nostalgia ask anon! #game boy #about me #harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban #nintendogs #the urbz #gaming #Other Game Boy/Nintendo DS I had a great time with would be Nintendogs #(I bought it on the launch day #only got brown beagles and even maxed out the kennel so I could have more of them #proceeded to wish I had exciting non-beagle dogs without ever wanting to sacrifice any of my beagles. In the end I gave one beagle away and #this ruined the game for me and I stopped playing.) and The Urbz (spent actual real life years walking around tending to my sim's needs #while she lived in her apartment before discovering by accident that I was meant to go clubbing with her and progress within the game. #There was a storyline?! #I suspect the problem here was that I didn't speak English at the time.). #of course i also learned some english from nintendogs. when dogs are famished it means it's not good

[dubiousdoctors]

THE BIG SCARY

#THE BIG SCARY THE BIG SCARY THE BIG SCARY #thing what I am experiencing currently. Uh Oh Uh Oh Uh Oh. Hell. Hell I Made For Myself. #literally I am inside a horrendous shakespearean comedy and I sure hope that I come out of it alive! #but we are all adults here and the other people involved are - to say it quite harshly - a little less neurotic than I am #the consequences in my mind are improbable and also not exactly life-ruining but I am far down the thought spiral already aren't I #time to DISTRACT MYSELF. make and mend and movie time maybe. #I want to be watching sharpe and I have two more to go but also I should take a break because it's making me weird in the braincase #and also. if I stay here harris and hagman are alive forever and just fine. but the show must go on is the thing. #both in the sharpe-watching and in my actual life there must be a moving forward. you can't stop the world in its tracks by wishing. #after writing this all out I do feel a little better. whooeee.

[cheeryknots]

me, describing my favorite scene of this book i've written to my therapist, knowing damn well it's just fanfiction about dead gay wizards and i can't even tell her that because she drinks out of a fucking marauders map tumbler every day and it would scar her for life

#she told me how proud she was of me for loving these characters so much #and projecting myself onto them and working through shit #and she wants to hear more #but maam i will literally ruin your life if i tell you it's about harry potter's godfather accepting his love for his professor #but ya know sometimes that's how it goes #marauders fanfic #wolfstar fanfic #we love it here #maybe ill just change the character names and let her read a scene #oh not to mention that one death eater who canonically drowned hunting a horcrux is trans in this story #god damn it

[sleepdeprivedweeblol]

SHOULD I START THE PERCY JACKSON BOOKS???

#I WANT TO READ IT SO BADLY BUT I ALSO WANT TO FINISH RE-READ BOOKS FROM 8-9 OF KOLTC FIRST #BUT I ALSO NEED TO RE-READ MURDER MOST UNLADYLIKE AND THE MINISTRY OF UNLADYLIKE ACTIVITY TO READ THE NEW BOOK #BUT I ALSO HAVE MORE SERIES TO READ THAT I GOT FOR XMAS #LIKE THIS ALLY CARTER SERIES ABT GALLANGHER HIGH #AND RE-READ THE SCHOOL FOR GOOD AND EVIL SINCE I FOUND THE BOOK I WAS MISSING #(I STOPPED READING AFTER I REALISED I HAD MISSED A BOOK) #I HAVEN'T READ THE HARRY POTTER SERIES OR THE LORD OF THE RINGS BOOKS #I GOT FROM THE NICE GUY WHO BROUGHT THE THERAPY DOG INTO SCHOOL AND TOLD ME I REMINDED HIM OF HIS DEAD DAUGHTER SO HE GAVE ME HER BOOKS THA #COULDN'T GET HIMSELF TO SELL AND GAVE THEM TO ME YO KEEP AND TOLD ME THAT I NEED TO READ THEM SO I CAN TELL HIM IF I LIKED THEM OR NOT #BUT ENDED UP NOT SEEING IN A WHILE BECAUSE SCHOOL IS RUINING MY MENTAL HEALTH #OR THE MAZE RUNNER SERIES #OR THE THIRTEENTH REALITY SERIES #OR THE ALCHEMIST SERIES #OR THE SILVER ROAD #OR THE MIRACULOUS SWEETMAKERS BOOK #OR THE SECRET LAKE BOOK #HELP MEE #si needs help? #kinda #si lore???

[act-more-like-a-dog-sirius]

trying to search tumblr for any kind of HP related meta is an experience alright. one filled with so so so much frustration, exasperation, incredulity, and absolute fucken RAGE. because. holy fuck. people be getting some shit real fucken wrong oh. my. god.

like. even the rare few posts that have a couple decent points simultaneously manage to get a bunch of canonical facts/details straight fucking wrong. and i just cannot even 

#catch me hitting the block button so i am not tempted to go scream at strangers on the internet for being WRONG #i am petty enough to want to #but (hopefully) mature enough not to #lmao #harry potter meta #harry potter #oh god fandom is so bad these days #what has tiktok and wolfstar done to everyone?? #also ngl all the anti-jkr stuff going around has also really warped peoples' ability to objectively analyze canon #im absolutely NOT defending jkr or transphobia #But the proliferation of so many people misreading and straight ignoring actual canon has coincided with the ‘jkr is evil’ discourse #it’s ruined peoples’ ability to think objectively or with any kind of nuance ngl #multiple things can be true at the same time y’all #the world isn’t black and white #don’t come at me looking for a fight I am not interested #salty hp takes #mostly just salty about fandom #and fandom being WRONG #local woman has ocd and HATES when fandom gets canon details wrong

[titan-god-helios]

i’m so fucking done y’all i HATE loving books whilst being audhd cause here’s what the majority of my reading sessions go like: - hyperfocus. i finish a book the width of my arm in a single night and end up collapsing in class the next day because i got no sleep

- chill reading, until The Sound comes in. The Sound could be a person, a youtube video someone else is watching, an outside noise, an ad in the middle of my music and so on. after The Sound appears all focus is lost and the reading session is ruined - desperately trying to read but nothing is right. there is a bright or cool toned light, a sound or a lack of sound, my clothes are weird, there is no sitting position that is right, there is a weird taste in my mouth and my eyes are slowly dying. my brain is racing and making too much internal noise and i simply cannot focus for the life of me. at all. not even for a sentence. often, this happens suddenly in the middle of a previously good reading session and my brain turns off at this point - brain is too slow to read and would rather disassociate. sometimes you even get bonus trauma flashbacks or embarrassment flashbacks as a treat !! - brain is too fast and excited meaning my eyes skip entire paragraphs and i miss very important pieces of information, making me slow my roll and go back and read the boring monologue of text before the Exciting Part

AND THE DIFFICULTY OF READING VARIES WITH THE TYPE OF BOOK TOO. for example, if it’s a modern book/written recently (meaning from 1970s - present day) it is more common to enter a hyperfocus reading session than the other types. if it’s a classic or older book with slightly different writing styles, it is impossible to have a hyperfocus session because now my brain must analyse the words and stop to look up new words.

the worst thing about this ? i LOVE classics. i love all the fancy words and the different sentence structures and the vivid descriptions that the authors poured their heart and souls into. i love the characters and the unique influences on their personalities that come from being written in a different time. i adore analysing meanings and picking apart phrases and words and characters and plots. but i cannot ever focus on it for more than maybe half an hour or an hour, reading painstakingly slowly for my standards and taking all the immersion out of the reading experience because i have to stop to process the information, meaning i am me in the real world. i am not in their world, with the characters. and it makes me want to SCREAM.

the worst worst worst part ??? on the extremely rare occasion i do have a good reading session with a classic, i am always, without fail, interrupted by someone talking to me, making me pause my music and immersion for whatever remark they feel they have to make over and over again until i feel like ripping their face off because SCREW YOU I JUST GOT TO ENJOY THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF LITERATURE WITH ALL THE PRETTY WORDS AND YOU RUIN IT WITH TELLING ME THE BUS ROUTES TO SCHOOL ?? THE SAME BUS ROUTES I TAKE BY MYSELF ALREADY AND HAVE BEEN TAKING FOR AT LEAST FOUR WEEKS BEFOREHAND ???????? SCREW YOU >:(

#just started to read the picture of dorian gray by oscar wilde and was struggling so hard #at first i couldnt focus at all because my clothes were weird and my brain refused to absorb the wordsa and just read them #without actually understanding them #and then i had trouble finding the right sounds for my ears to be happy #and FINALLY it was perfect i read and was happy for all of like fifteen minutes #because my mum came downstairs and ruined it by talking to me #and my sister started watching very loud youtube videos just next to me #and i gave up because there was no way i was gonna be able to read after that #you wanna know how much i read in an hour and a half ? #nine pages. #NINE FUCKING PAGES #GODDAMN IT I COULD HAVE FINISHED HALF AN ENTIRE BOOK IN THAT TIME HAD IT BEEN A GOOD SESSION #i am not happy :( #and i want to read more i love the world building and descriptions and characters so far only in nine pages #but i cant #it literally isnt a choice my brain will kill me if i try and read right now #on that note basil hallward is so yes i love him #and harry wotton too #hes so babygirl #like a good husband ?? yes ???? #a man who appreciates flowers ???? #yes ??????????? #an eccentric darling man who likes being whimsical n shit ???? YES ???????? #a man with a lowkey homoerotic painter for a best friend ????? y e s ????????????? #i can fucking smell the gay wafting off of basil already by the way but thats not the point #a man who SMOKES “innumerable cigarettes” ?????? no thank you but its okay i can fix him #ksjsjdhajdhshshs AND ALL THIS LOVE FOR NAUGHT #ALL THIS LOVE FOR ART #DASHED TO THE ROCKS #BECAUSE OF B U S E S