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anundyingfidelity · 25 days

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I'M A RUIN — Soldier Boy/Ben (Part V)

Series summary: After the events of the Seven Tower, you present Grace Mallory a new secret project you're working on already to develop a cure to Compound V. The only problem? You need Soldier Boy for that.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader.

Word count: 2.4k.

Warnings for series: set after S3 (spoilers), some OOC!Ben, some depressed!Ben, angst, hurt/comfort, eventual smut, slow-burn, language, PTSD, reader has Compound V (she's no Vought supe tho), Soldier Boy being an usual asshole, reader is a fucking liar.

Warnings on this chapter: some misogyny and shit (you know who), psychiatry stuff, canon gore, blood, heads exploding, and violence?.

Notes: so I'm sorry for any mistakes during the psychyatric process, I go to therapy and take medication myself so that's all I know plus google research. And be aware of the gore descriptions, I tried to do my best I guess lol. Thanks for reading as always!

this fic tags: @k-slla @syrma-sensei @mostlymarvelgirl @cheynovak @drasticemotions @soldirboy @deans-spinster-witch

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get yourself in the taglist!

GEN MASTERLIST! — SERIES MASTERLIST!

Part V: Blow Your Mind

With a deep breath, you reviewed the symptoms Soldier Boy barely 'gave' during your session. The list was kind of long on the pages and it read:

Always being on guard for any danger, self-destructive behavior, irritability, angry outbursts, panic attacks, feeling emotionally numb, not trusting anyone, not feeling safe, hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, fatigue, muscle tension, headaches, back pain...

There was a weird silence surrounding both of you, mostly because of his mood and his change in demeanor from a somewhat friendly asshole to an irritated, unbearable jerk. Once you had started with the uncomfortably stupid questions, he felt threatened. Soldier Boy wasn't actually open to talk about his past and the traumatic experiences he had, and that meant it was difficult to get to know how his body and mind were reacting to all the stress and madness he went through in decades, adding those weeks after Billy Butcher had released him from his nightmare.

He was opposed to speaking directly about how he was feeling, but you knew better that Ben speaking out on his symptoms was not going to happen. So you had to ask each one of them and review some his most harsh experiences directly, in order to receive monotonous responses, limited to: 'yes', 'no', 'I don't know,' and finally 'what the fuck is that?' You took them all as an absolute yes.

He was being defensive and you knew better than to miss anything after he almost burned the whole damn building. And with the small but confident experience you had with psychiatry, you concluded that he needed medication and therapy. As soon as fucking possible.

"Yeah, you have PTSD," you said after a moment and your eyes found his unreadable gaze.

He raised his eyebrows with false surprise. He already heard that shit from Hughie before. "And where's the fucking drugs?"

"For that to happen, you have to stop the weed first."

"I've survived bricks of coke mixed with shit you probably don't know about and you want to take the only thing that's keeping me sane? Fan-fucking-tastic!" he fumed, but you didn't flinch. Not a bit.

"Look, my goal is keeping you safe and making you sane because you definitely are not. Not right now. And since I took you out, you'll follow my process, so stop whining."

He chuckled softly with a bitter grimace on his lips as he shook his head softly. "No, that's not gonna happen."

"I don't care if you agree with that, it's settled," you continued, a triumphant smile plastered on your face.

It was true, you didn't give a single shit. He had to be clean and quit any type of drugs to start the medication but most importantly, to use his blood. Eventually. You were more than aware that he wouldn't die easily, that was proved. And it was just a matter of time to get him to your lab to take samples of his blood and run the necessary research on them while you and your team still continued the studies with the Anti-V prototype. You were only hoping that day would arrive soon enough. Two months sober, that was all you needed from him. And the best part? Soldier Boy didn't have to really know the whole details.

Ben, on the other hand, clenched his jaw so tight and closed his eyes for a moment after hearing your statement. You really were a fucking bitch, letting him fall into the abyss of misery and torture that was his own wrecked mind. He considered your intentions internally, once again for the millionth time. You showed up there all dressed up, playing a rich doctor when in reality you were just a fucking slutty brat, just to tell him he had to stop his usual pot, which you also brought happily when he asked you to. And now, you were taking away the only thing that stopped him from ripping your head off. What a great move.

"That's not smart," he insisted.

"Why not? I have you under my own terms."

Ben tilted his head, studying you carefully. "You can't stop me, doll. None of you can. I'm only here because I find it suitable instead of storming out and catching unnecessary attention."

Ben saw you swallow down, he immediately knew it was because you were angry, not scared. You never really seemed scared of him. And you tried to restrain yourself from slapping him right away. "Are you blackmailing me again, Soldier Boy?"

"Is just a warning," he said, nonchalantly. "Wouldn't want to harm such a pretty thing like you, now wouldn't we."

"Oh well, just a reminder I can also turn on the damn gas if needed," you snapped. The arrogant smirk on his lips fell off and it was your turn to smile back. "We all have hidden cards, right?"

Such an arrogant bitch, he thought.

"So, what's your plan?" you switched the subject to avoid going further into what was troubling him.

"What do you mean?"

"Homelander. You want him dead, don't you? You must be getting ready to fight again..."

His body seemed tense once you pushed him to talk, looking away from you to calm a bit. "Isn't that what all of you want?"

"Any sane person would love that, trust me."

Soldier Boy narrowed his eyes. "Well, I can do it. If I wasn't here... You've seen what he's capable of. Jesus, I've seen it," he bitterly chuckled. "And the kid? He's a fucking menace."

"You've been watching the news, I take that—"

"The fuck I do! Wasn't gonna wait for you to keep me up to date of what the fuck is going on!" Ben shouted, his loud voice roaring in your ears despite the distance.

"I don't want you to stress out more than you do," you said, vacillating. "A lot of things take time, such as you adapting to the twenty-first century."

"I'd love to know when that'll happen," Ben insisted. "Or else, I might just break out."

With a tentative smile, you started to write down the report. "I'm so glad you're talking more during our sessions."

You barely said goodbye to Soldier Boy once you finished your daily session. Your head was aching as you walked down the aisle, barely leaving the empty wing of the building behind. Certainly he was hard to handle and was behaving defensively. Before you left he began asking, or better said, bossing you to get him whatever the kid Hughie told him he needed to learn how to use. Shit like the internet and GPS, he said. You told him he was not ready for it yet.

But you'd give him a golden star for trying and insisting so badly, even if he was against eighty percent of your methods. He was up to something, there was no question for that. He was a soldier, more or less like his given supe name. People like him always had a plan, and underneath his facade, there were more plans backed up with words of honor that you had to track sooner or later.

As you made your way to your office, greeting your lab employees and guards, a disturbing sensation grew up inside. Before crossing the doorframe you subtly looked around, focusing for some reason in the security camera, more time than you'd like to admit. You turned again to finally get inside, facing the entry of your office when hurried steps and a voice stopped you from doing so.

"Doctor!"

Once again you turned on your heels to see your assistant, tablet in hand. Those had to be the results.

"Hey," you began. "You have everything?"

Bianca nodded with a straight face and handed you the tablet. You noticed her tight grip and her somehow trembling fingers when you took the device from her hands. You eyed her a little, she remained with her hands intertwined in front of her, her attention seemed lost. With caution, you continued to check the file.

"Is the patient alright?" you asked, reading the profile of the supe who had the not so good luck of being tested previously.

Solaris was his supe name. And he had the ability to manipulate light and matter with his mind. He had taken part in the program for a month now and this was his first test. As always, each supe you had into the program was low-profile. You were thankful of your team keeping these supes under their gaze to offer them some sort of solution, even after all the deaths you tracked from time to time when a test of the Anti-V was run. More than a solution for them, it was a partial contribution to find it.

You quickly scanned the updated file that Bianca completed for you. He was doing better than projected, his powers were still gone with a forecast of probably coming back within a couple of hours. A deep breath left your lips. Now that was an improvement. It was the first time anything like that happened on any tests. The supe survived, he was weak but the powers were off for a bit. It was a small step closer to your goal. Just a little bit more maybe and it could be done, finally...

"He's resting right now," Bianca interrupted your thoughts. Your eyes were back on her face.

"This is great news, thank you. I trust he's doing okay."

She nodded. "He is."

"Great, I guess I'll see him in a couple of hours," you said about entering your office.

"Wait!" Bianca suddenly closed the little space between both of you. She breathed heavily before stuttering words out. "I, I have- I'm sorry..."

"Are you okay?" you inquired, knowing her behavior was unusual. She swallowed down, turning her gaze away, her hands shaking. Was she sick? "Bianca, what's wrong?"

You tried to reach her cheek with your hand, but she stepped back abruptly, looking at you like if you were a ghost with her eyes red and wet, and a fine layer of sweat adorning her skin.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

You walked towards her, worried about what was going on but every step you took, she also gave it back.

"Bianca, what's happening?"

Her back bumped the wall of your office, and finally, she started to cry. "I'm sorry. You have to go, please..."

Your heart started pounding heavily on your chest. "What—"

"Go now! Please... Please don't hurt me..."

"I'm not going to hurt you, Bianca," you whispered, trying to comfort her.

But she continued crying and mumbled incoherent words with eyes shut, while hot tears streamed down her face. She choked on her sobs as she pleaded for her life. But you didn't understand why. You tried to soothe her, reaching her shoulder with your free hand.

And when you placed your palm on her, everything became red. It all happened in seconds. Ropes of warm blood covered your face in an instant. A loud gasp fell from your throat. You felt every drop mixed with brains on the skin of your face, on your neck, and sliding down the skin under your blouse. It was shocking and equally disgusting. And your eyes remained shut, not brave enough to move or see the horrid picture in front of you.

Your palm was still on her shoulder when the remains of her body fell to the ground with a thud. Your trembling hand wiped some blood from your face to open your eyes anew. The wall was painted with her, as much as you were, and it left a trail of blood from where her corpse slid to the floor. Her head long fucking gone.

"Shit."

Shit. Fucking shit. Was it him? It had to be him. There was no reason to doubt it. It was him. And he complied with his promise. Had Homelander been controlling Bianca? Was she the only one? No. There had to be something more. Homelander wasn't easy and he wasn't merciful with anyone. You had to stop him and get Soldier Boy out of the building. Now.

You tried to control yourself as best as you could, walking away to reach anyone, crossing a corner on the hallway, where a guard was casually passing by.

He stopped on his tracks at your sight, covered in blood and meat. "Doctor?"

"I need your help," you whispered.

He nodded quickly and you began explaining with a low, shaky voice.

"I don't know what happened, my assistant was right there with me when— Fuck!"

You walked some inches away when his head exploded, just like Bianca's did. Luckily, or not, this time was inside his helmet. All the red brains and blood were catched by it. Still, you wanted to throw up right fucking there. The remains of his body fell to the floor with a loud sound.

With a deep breath you continued your way, finding guards, lab assistants and agents. If they were alive, their heads popped into your sight. And if it was your somehow lucky moment of the day, you just found their headless corpses lying on the ground, creating a pool of blood you tried to avoid.

The only thing on your mind was taking Ben out of the building. The alarm had been turned on and the annoying sound of it was driving you crazy. Your head ached more than ever as you made your way to Soldier Boy for the second fucking time during the day.

Since there was no time to open the heavy door properly, you used a force field around the metal, moving the door until it slipped enough to let you in. You found him standing in the middle of the room. Eyes dark and alert, with fists and frame ready to fight. He wrinkled his nose once you entered the place.

"What the fuck's going on?" Ben growled, observing your blood covered face.

"We need to go, now. Take your clothes off."

He blinked, taken aback. Before he answered you continued with an explanation.

"I'll turn you invisible, but can't turn your clothes," you ordered, looking in the closet for a sports bag you knew was inside and picking a couple of shirts, pants and boxers as quickly as time allowed you to. Once finished, you turned to Ben again.

"Mind to fucking clarify?" he insisted. You sighed, closing your eyes for a moment.

"Look, I'll tell you everything once we're out," you turned one of your hands invisible for him to see.

Ben snorted with laughter. How ironic, he thought.

"No fucking way."

"Strip. We're leaving."

#soldier boy x reader #soldier boy x you #soldier boy x female reader #soldier boy imagine #soldier boy x y/n #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys amazon fanfiction #the boys series #the boys tv #the boys amazon prime #jensen ackles fanfiction #soldier boy/ben

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optimistic-dinosaur-nacho · 4 years

Text

Chapter VIII

Story Rating: 14+ Warnings: Violence, Murder, Mentions of Murder, Language, Gore, Mentions of Suicide Summary: Y/N is Andy and Laurie Barber’s 14-year-old daughter who is a high-grade student in Archer Middle School. Her best friend, Alice Miller had been gone for a while. They search for the lost student and find out that Alice Miller’s body has the prints of Andy and Laurie Barber’s daughter, Y/N.

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X Chapter XI Chapter XII Chapter XIII

---DEFENDING JACOB SPOILERS---

Italics are considered thoughts from the characters if you didn’t know that.

~~~

The next morning everyone was silent. Their schedules were changed nowadays. A few days after the trial, Laurie goes to the store alone, early in the morning before anyone else.

The Barber family tried to avoid as much attention from others as they could. Y/N still remained at home being home schooled the past days. Andy still stood on a paid leave and so was Laurie.

The family was trapped in their own home.

They’d only leave the house for the important stuff only. Andy happened to go to the pool early in the morning for a few laps up and down the pool.

And that day was another session with Joanna.

Y/N sat in the same spot as last time with her parents on either side of her, watching her closely as Joanna folded her hands in front of her.

Y/N gazed down at the table, “I just wanted it. That’s all,” She replied. Joanna looks at her, “But why did you want it?” She asked. Y/N’s hands twitch, “I just wanted it. It was a cool knife,” She replied.

Joanna inhales, “The DA will say you bought it because you were being bullied by Alice. They’re gonna use that as motive,” Joanna states. Y/N bought the knife cause it was cool—showed it to her friends.

“But it wasn’t,” Y/N replies, coldly. “Your friend Derek seem to think otherwise. Tell me why you think Derek connected your knife to what happened to Alice,” She said. Y/N looks down at her hands and shook her head, “I don’t know. Maybe he’s the real killer, and he wants to blame me for it.”

“Whoa,” Andy cranes his neck back, “Hold on a minute.”

“What?” Laurie asks. “I’m just saying,” Y/N says. “This isn’t a game, Y/N,” Joanna said, “If you think Derek has something to do with this, we need to know why you think it.”

Andy looks over, “You really think Derek had something to do with this?” Y/N was silent for a moment before she shook her head. “I don’t,” She says, “You asked me why he’s blaming me. I don’t know why,” Y/N shrugs.

“Had you ever said anything to him about wanting to hurt Alice?” Joanna asked. Y/N shook her head again, “I don’t think so.”

“That’s not a no,” Joanna says. Y/N swallowed, “Maybe, but-” Andy shifts, “-not in a way that meant anything. I mean, Derek didn’t like him either. A lot of kids didn’t.”

Joanna drops her hands, “Where is the knife now?” She asked.

The room got quiet as Y/N glances at her father who glanced at Joanna. The three shared looks, “Andy, you have it?” Joanna asked. Andy looks at Y/N and licked his lips, bringing his attention back to Joanna, “It was a dangerous weapon. I threw it away.”

Joanna was quiet. “I did what any parent would’ve done,” He says.

“So the knife is gone?” She confirms. Andy looks at Y/N, “This is well before Y/N was considered a suspect.”

“Andy, I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m just trying to ascertain what happened,” Joanna said. Andy nods, “Right, right, right. Yes. Sorry. It’s gone,” He said.

Joanna folds her arms and brings her eyes back to Y/N. “Had you taken it to party on the day Alice was killed?”

Y/N shook her head, “No.”

“Have it with you in the park?” She asked, “When you left the party, did you follow your usual route?”

Y/N nods, “Yeah.” Joanna continues. “So the spot where Alice was killed just happened to be on the very same path you normally follow?” She asks.

Y/N stares at her hands, “I guess so. I never really thought about it that way.”

“Before you discovered Alice’s body, did you see or hear anything unusual at the party?” Joanna asks, Y/N shook her head at the question. “You sure?”

“When we reached the party, I lost Alice in the crowd...” Y/N says, Joanna looks at the notes in front of her. “The party was confirmed that there was alcohol in the home, even Alice’s body had shown signs of alcohol in her system.”

Andy and Laurie shoot towards Y/N. Her eyes never looked at either of them. “Alice left me in the other room when she went to go drink. The party was mostly filled with high schoolers so...”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Andy asked, “Who invited you two?”

Y/N lifts her head up, “Henry was a cousin of Emily’s, she’s a junior, I think.” Andy and Laurie look at each other. Joanna softly sighed, “Did you ever drink?”

Y/N was quiet for a moment and the couple seem to be a bit bewildered. “Y/N,” Laurie softly scolds, Andy leans back. “Did you?” Andy asked. Y/N shakes her head, “I had a small cup, I swear.”

Y/N seemed tensed in her seat as her parents looked at her. Joanna leans forward, “Y/N did something else happen while you were there?” She asked. Y/N kept her eyes low at her hands.

Swallowing thickly, she shook her head. Managing to blink the tears away.

“So, what happened when you left?” Joanna asks. Y/N sits up, “I was just walking, and then... there she was.”

“Alice left before you did?” Joanna confirms, Y/N sighs, “I’m guessing, yeah. She was just lying there at the bottom of this slope, in a bunch of leaves. Wet.”

“How did you know she was there when it was dark?” Joanna asked. Y/N’s lips part before they closed. “It wasn’t that dark, I could see her dress. It was this bright pink dress with flowers, it was one of her favorite ones.”

Joanna nods, “So, you found this body lying on the ground. What did you do?” She asked.

Y/N thought long and hard. “I kind of called her name, like-- ‘Alice? Alice? Are you okay?’”

“So you recognized her right away?” Joanna asked. Y/N nods, “I saw her dress, it was familiar to me.”

“In the police report, you said that she was lying face down, her head at the bottom of the slope. Leaves covering almost her body. And unless I’m missing something, from that angle, all you could see what the bottom of her flats?”

Y/N shook her head, “No. I could see more than that.”

“So, then what?”

“She wasn’t moving, so I went down the hill to see if she was hurt or something.”

“Did you cry out for help?” Joanna asked. Y/N shakes her head again, “No.”

“Did it occur to you to call 911?” Joanna asked. Y/N shuffles, “My phone was dead at the time. I couldn’t--” Andy looks over to her squints at her, “--I thought it could’ve been an accident. Like maybe she fell or something. I didn’t bother to-” She cuts herself off.

“Fell on what exactly?”

“On-- I don’t know. I’m just saying--”

“And if it was an accident, you wouldn’t need to call someone?” Joanna asks, Y/N stammers, “No. It’s-- That’s-- You’re twisting things,” She mutters. Andy looks over to her, “Why didn’t you just call me if they were doing that sort of stuff at the party? If Alice left you alone, you should’ve called.”

“Andy, if you don’t mind-”

Y/N looks over, “I thought I’d get in trouble or something.”

“In trouble?” Andy asked. “Andy, please,” Joanna says, she managed to smile at him as he leans back. The old woman turns back, “What happened next, Y/N?” Y/N’s eyes gazed over to the shelves. “I went down the hill, and I got down beside her.”

“Got down on your knees?” Joanna asks. Y/N nods, “I think so. Yeah.”

“In the wet leaves?” Joanna asks, Y/N lifts her head up finally, “Or maybe I was standing.”

“Stayed standing?” Joanna asked. Y/N sighs, “I honestly don’t remember.” Joanna folds her hands in front of her, “Your parents waited you to return home, they said that your clothes looked perfectly clean.”

“I guess I was standing, then,” Y/N says. Joanna nods, “Then what?”

“Uh... Then I rolled her over to check on her,” She says, Laurie and Andy watched their daughter close. Not to see anything she could possibly be lying. They honestly felt she was pressured. “How did you roll her over? With your foot? Your hands?”

“Hand,” Y/N responds. “Even though you were standing?” Joanna asked. Y/N breathes in carefully, “I bent down. I remember bending down to turn her over.”

“Is that how your fingerprint wound up on the tag of Alice’s sweatshirt?” Joanna asked. “Maybe. I guess,” Y/N replies. “So you rolled her over by her collar,” Joanna continues.

Y/N nods, “Yes, right. So, um. That’s when I saw the blood, and I started freaking out.”

“Because face up, it was now apparent that Alice had been attacked,” Joanna says. Y/N nods, “Yeah.”

“Was there a lot of blood?” She asked. Y/N manages to force herself to look up and nod, “Yes.”

“And still, you stood there and not call for help.”

“I got scared, and I figured someone else would find her pretty soon anyways,” Y/N said. Andy lowers his head and shook his head lightly. “You said you were freaking out.”

“Yes, I was.”

“When Derek came over during that break, he described you as being in a good mood after Alice went missing,” Joanna says. Andy spotted the tear slip down her cheek. “I didn’t want him to know.”

“Why not?” Joanna asked, “He’s your good friend, isn’t he? Why didn’t you feel like you could tell--”

“I don’t know why. I just didn’t, okay?” Y/N snaps, raising her hand up. “Hey,” Andy says. Y/N looks over, “What? It’s obvious she doesn’t believe me.” Joanna slightly leans back as Laurie stares at Y/N with a silent scold with her look.

“Y/N, let me tell you something. It’s doesn’t matter if I believe you. I’m your lawyer, not your mom or dad.”

Y/N shrugs, “Well, that’s what really happened.”

“No one’s saying it didn’t,” Joanna shakes her head. “Yeah, right,” Y/N cranes her head back, “You don’t think I can tell the way you’re asking those questions?”

“What way is that?” She asked. Y/N lifts her shoulders, “I feel like you’re trying to trick me,” She felt like she was about to burst in tears from there but she stood back. “What question was a trick?” Joanna asked.

“You know what I mean.”

“Actually, I don’t. In what way am I trying to trick you?” Joanna asks, Laurie could tell how pressured Y/N felt, she saw it in Y/N’s hands as they twisted against each other and Laurie jumps in.

“Joanna, please. You made your point,” She says. The old woman leans back and the four drowned in silence for a little to ease the tension from Y/N.

Joanna felt bad, “Y/N, I am sorry that I upset you, but I promise you, what we are doing here is nothing compared to what Mr. Logiudice will do to you if you take the stand. Your story has holes in it. I don’t know why, and maybe you don’t either. Our memories are often less reliable that we think, particularly in moments of stress.”

The couple lowered their eyes away from Y/N who kept those tears from falling down like rain. Joanna slowly sighed, “But if I were a juror, I’d have a lot of questions.”

Y/N looks up to her with the crystal eyes as she says, “It’s the truth. Not all the details. You messed me up on those.” Andy understood that, yes, Joanna pressured her with loads of questions. Shooting at her like hell fire.

He nods, “Okay. Okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Y/N snaps, “She just said the jury won’t believe me, so...” Andy looks over to her, “That’s why we’re not gonna put you on the witness stand.” Joanna nods at his response, agreeing, “I think that’s wise.”

Y/N stutters, “How-? How will I tell my story?”

“That’s my job, not yours,” Joanna said. Laurie blinks at her confusingly, “Then what’s his defense?”

“He doesn’t need one,” Joanna says. “What?” She asked. Andy looks over to his wife, “Burden of proof is on the prosecution.” Y/N listened to them speak back and forth, her eyes becoming blurred with tears and she tries to blink them away again.

She has no defense.

The session was ended minutes after as they family walked out of the building with Joanna. “All right, we’ll convene again next week, young woman,” Joanna holds her hand out and Y/N shakes it in hers.

Andy looks over to his girls, “Why don’t you girls go wait in the car. I’m just gonna talk to Joanna for a second, okay?” He asked. Laurie reaches for Y/N’s shoulder and gently gestures her to walk over to his car in the distance.

Andy raised his hands to his hips as Joanna sighs. “It’s a mistake,” He said. “Oh, you don’t honestly think she belongs on the stand.”

“No, of course not, but we can’t just deflect. Juries want a story, and we gotta give ‘em one. A better one,” He says, raising his brows. She shakes her head, “I don’t disagree, but right now, all evidence points one way. And I’m sorry,” She said.

Andy lowers his head. “I’m speaking to you lawyer-to-lawyer here. They knife they found in the park-- You saw the forensics report. It’s not a match.” Andy raises his head and looked out into the plaza up ahead.

“She didn’t do it, Joanna,” He looks over to her, “I know her story sucks, but she’s a kid. They get confused. They say dumb things.”

“I know,” She says. He wanted to get straight to the answers. He didn’t want it to be answered by others. He knew what was the truth.

“She’s innocent.”

Joanna looks out and nods at him reassuringly, “We’re gonna get her through this, I promise, but when you start talking about giving the jury a better story...”

“The story is Leonard Patz,” He said.

“There is nothing connecting him to this case,” She says, his shoulders lift, “Yeah, ‘cause no one’s looked. No on’es taken the time.” Andy looks over to his wife and daughter as Y/N hopped into the back—Laurie gazed up at him.

“I know there’s something there, and I’m not gonna stop until I find it,” He says. Joanna smiles at him, “Just tread carefully, okay?” Andy nods at her with a small grin, “Okay.”

She went to head inside but them stopped, “Oh, I forgot to mention, I got a voice mail from a Globe reporter. I think they’re in town doing some magazine piece on this. If you and Laurie get approached, do not--”

“Yeah,” Andy cuts her off, “Yeah. Obviously.”

“Any press is bad press right now,” She says. Andy nods gently at her, “Thanks, Joanna.” The two go their separate ways. Andy returned back to his family sitting in the car to head back home.

Y/N typed on her computer, working on her work from her last learning session as homework. Laurie recently had grabbed the mail from the box outside and began to scan through them.

Letters from people who threatened Y/N.

She threw those in the bin as she stops on one large mail in the pile. Something she wanted since Andy told her about him. She paused and stared at the mail in front of her.

Y/N perked her head up, “Ma, is Middle East considered Africa or Asia?” Laurie turns her head and thought about it. “I think it’s part of both,” She says. After a moment, Laurie turns around, looking over to Y/N to make sure she wasn’t focused on her mother at all— slowly.

Laurie slipped the mail in the small compartment under the kitchen counter with other mail and magazines as she heads back over to the cut vegetables in front of her.

Finishing off dinner.

The three sat at the table with food in the center of the table as the family ate in silence since they sat. Maybe some thank yous were added just as they dug in. Milo was sitting patiently behind Andy, peaking around as Andy glanced over.

“Down, Milo,” Andy softly says, Milo licks his muzzle and slowly lays down as the command had been given, peering up at him still. Andy began to cut down his food in front as Y/N began to cut her food— the boring look stuck to her face. Head hung low as the utensils clattered on their plates.

“I don’t get why we have to do this every night,” She mutters.

Andy peers up at her, confused, “Eat?”

“No, have this big sit-down dinner,” Y/N says, she took her fork, “We never used to. Not like this.” Laurie was silent, the more Y/N spoke about them eating at this table, she tried to hold it in. The rubber band ready to snap.

Andy sighs, “Well, we do now.”

Y/N looks up slightly and picked at her food, “It’s like we’re trying to pretend we’re normal.�� Andy shook his head once, “Is that so bad?” He asked.

“It is when it’s fake normal,” Y/N says. That was it. Laurie felt the band snap and it released her head up to her daughter. “Y/N, what do you want us to do?” Laurie snaps, she tried to sound hopeful. Something to have Y/N say what she wants.

Andy stayed in a stilled position. Here we go.

“We’ve never been in this situation before. What does a parent do?” She asks, Y/N looks over to her father if he were to say anything now. He stood silent. “Just tell me, and I’ll do it,” Laurie said.

Y/N lowers her head. “You wanna go for burgers at Lee’s and have the whole town stare at us? That’s fine,” Laurie nods, “We can do that.”

“Honey,” Andy says.

“No!” Laurie turns, “I mean it. Maybe we’re doing this wrong, acting like prisoners in our own home, sneaking out at all hours just to get a simple errand done,” She said.

Y/N’s eyes began to gaze over the table, afraid to look at her mom and dad. Andy had lowered his head as well. “Just tell me what to do, because I have absolutely no idea anymore. Okay?”

Y/N finally had the gut to look at her mom, blankly. The silence was strong and the lump in Y/N’s throat tightened. She cleared her throat, “Okay,” She says, going back to her food, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Laurie lowers her head then— giving once harsh nod, “It’s fine.” The tension in her arms tried to relax as she breathes in slowly. “We can order pizza tomorrow.”

The family grew silent at the table from the beginning again— this time with the tension and regret filled the air. Andy slowly leaned back as he reached over to place his palm on the back of Laurie’s, rubbing her back soothingly to calm the tension she had in her muscles.

He pulled away and leaned forward. Thinking about something. A joke perhaps.

His brows furrow, “You guys hear about the hipster who burned his mouth on his pizza?” Andy asked, the two girls peered up slightly, no grins yet. Andy reached for his beer, “He ate it before it was considered cool,” He says.

A grin formed on his wife’s face and he looked over to his daughter. The frown stood on her lips before it quirked up into a smile as he grinned.

Dad jokes always worked.

Once dinner was finished off, Andy offered to watch an old movie with Y/N in the living room. The two watched the man and woman chat on screen before Y/N laughs along with Andy. He chuckles, “I can’t believe you’ve never seen this.”

Y/N grins, “We should make this a thing, like a movie night or something,” She gazes up at him.

His brows raise, “Works for me.”

“Because of my mistake, six men didn’t return from that raid,” The man says, reaching for his glass. The woman grins, “Seven. Lieutenant Zipp died this morning-”

The man spits his water out and Y/N laughs at that.

Andy turns to look over to her again. Grinning softly at her— watching the smile he haven’t seen since appear on her face with the clear shine of happiness in her eyes.

To him, they were unique. But he never thought those were the eyes of someone who could take another person’s life. The eyes of someone special in his life, he wouldn’t want to see tear apart in front of him.

He drew his eyes away and looked back towards the screen. Laurie glanced over to them as they laughed. Slowly, she walked over to the side of the counter and slipped out the mail she had gotten that morning— taking it up to her bedroom.

The sound of the doors opening to a man in a orange jumpsuit. The tattoos on his arms and wrist haunted his dreams. The man sat in front of him as the man folded his arms.

“Hey, Billy,” The woman says beside him. The man in the seat looks down at him, “How you doing, Andy?” He lowers his head to the man. “What’s the matter, kid? Afraid of me?”

“Billy, stop,” The woman said. “Look at me, “ Billy says. The woman leans forward, “You’re scaring him.”

“Shut up,” The man growls, “I said look at me.” Andy looks up to Billy sitting in front of him, grinning like a menace. The face of a killer.

“You scared of me? Huh?” Billy asked. Andy lowers his eyes again. “Billy, he’s shy, okay?” The woman said. “Look at me,” Billy says again.

“Stop.”

“You afraid of me, Andy?”

“Stop it.”

“Look at your old man.”

“That’s it. We’re going,” The woman grabs Andy’s wrist and pulls him out of his seat. “Look at me now!” Billy grabs his other wrist and Andy glances at the blade tattooed on his wrist.

“Stop it! Billy stop!”

Andy jerks awake, gasping softly as he turns his head to his wife before letting out a sigh. Jesus Christ. The nightmare had his mouth dry, his heart slightly beating fast than normally. He felt it slow down as he slowly gets up from the bed to get a glass of water.

Leaning on the sink, he took a sip of water from the glass as he looks up to the mirror. Even in the dark— he could see the eyes of a murderer. The eyes of his father. But even the eyes of a man. A man who’s family is being teared apart.

A man who just might lose his daughter.

He shook the thought off and took another sip before splashing the water into the sink and turned it off.

The bed rustles beside Laurie as she felt the bed dip by Andy’s return from the bathroom. Slowly, her eyes opened once Andy finally situated himself on his back and pulled the covers over.

“Andy?” She asked.

He stared up at the ceiling. “Yeah?”

Laurie had it running through her mind like a roller coaster. The thought just came back every day. Her lips parted, “Is there a part of you, even a tiny part.... thinks she might’ve done it?”

Andy thought about it. The eyes. That smile. Never once he did. “Of course not,” He replied, he turns to look at the back side of her. Waiting if she’d add more to her question. She remained quiet.

After finding the address and names of the owners and witnesses. Andy took a drive through town. Driving through the small neighborhood, the sun was barely shining with those gloomy clouds. Kids out with parents, houses that looked like apartments.

Andy parked his car and looked around the neighborhood. He walked around his car and heading down narrow walkway. Car honking, trains blaring, the sound of children shouting were ringing in his ears as he walked up those stairs.

He spots the door, first thing he does is reach up and knocks on it. He shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away. Seconds just when he turned around, a woman opens the door.

“Mrs. McGrath?” He asks.

The woman furrows her brows and leans on her door, crossing her arms, “Who’s asking?” Her thick Boston accent was noticeable. “I represent Y/N Barber. I was hoping I could speak to your daughter, Madelyn.” This kid was another victim for one of Patz assaults.

“Y/N who?” She asked.

Andy shoots his eyes down then up, “The murder in Cold Spring Park.”

Her neck cranes back, “Oh, right. The kid. You her lawyer?” She asked. Andy shook his head once, “Her father, actually.” Her head tilts up in realization. “No shit.”

“Is Madelyn here?” He asked.

“Uh... Yeah, she’s here. What’s she got to do with it?” She asked. Andy shakes his head, “No, not her. Leonard Patz.” The woman tilts her head up and uncrosses her arms, turning away.

“All right.”

He followed her into her home as he closed the door. The hip-hop music was loud in the other room. Andy spots the cat on the ground. “That’s Amelia. Don’t try to pet her, though. She’s a bitch,” The woman turns, “Maddie!” She called.

Andy stared at the cat for a while. Dogs are better. Glad we only have Milo. “She’s in there with her girlfriend, doing God knows what. These freaking kids.”

Andy stops next to her and looked around the room. “Well, I don’t have to tell you. I mean, look who I’m talking to.” Andy doesn’t even look at her. “Maddie! Hey, how’d you get our names, anyway?” She asked, “I thought sex victims are supposed to be confidential.”

“I used to work with the DA’s office,” Andy responds, the woman’s eyes gaze before she nods. He shrugs, “I’m just trying to get information on Leonard Patz. That’s all.” The woman tilts her head.

“You know what he did to Maddie, right?”

Andy nods, “He groped her in the library.”

“He groped her tits. Maddie!” Andy drops his head and sighed. “What?” A girl shouts on the other side.

“I’m calling your goddamn name! There’s a man here who wants to speak to ya!” She shouts. Andy lets her do her own thing, standing there somewhat awkward as the mother sighs and sat on the couch.

The music stops and two people walk out. Two girls, one with blonde hair and the other was a brunette. Andy turns, “You’re Madelyn McGrath?” He asked. The girl had a chain on her neck, blonde hair was curled and her lipstick slightly smudged.

“Maddie. Who are you?” She asked, she then stops, “Oh, shit. Wait. I’ve seen you on TV,” She turns to her girlfriend, “His kid’s the one they think killed that kid at Archer.”

“Listen, I just wanted to get some information on Leonard Patz. Maybe there’s somewhere you and I can talk in private,” Andy says. The girl’s arms go out an inch, “Who says I wanna talk to you at all?” Madelyn asked.

Great, one of these kids.

“Hey, Maddie,” Her mom says. “Shut up, Ma.” Madelyn looks back at Andy, “Look, I don’t know anything about it, okay?” Andy nods. “I don’t know what you heard. But whatever it was, was wrong.”

“Okay,” Andy said. The girl sways, “So, what? You think Patz was the one who killed that kid in the park?” Andy shrugs. “I don’t know. Do you?” He asked. It’s either gonna be the easy way or the hard way, kid.

The girl shakes her head, “Dude, I just said I don’t wanna talk to you.”

Hard way it is, then. “Well, I’m gonna level with you, Maddie,” Andy looks down before he brings his eyes back up to her.

“I don’t really give a shit what you want. I read that statement you gave to the police. I didn’t buy it,” He shakes his head, “Seeing as how they dropped the case, I’m guessing they didn’t buy it either.”

The girl shuffles in her spot. “You said Patz approached you in a library, chatted you up for about an hour, followed you into a bathroom, grabbed your chest, and then took off. Is that right?” Andy states.

Madelyn shrugs, “Yeah, so?”

“So, I’m supposed to believe a registered sex offender, on probation, is gonna risk ten years in prison to cop a feel on a kid that wouldn’t think twice about beating the shit out of him? Come on. That doesn’t track,” The more he spoke, the more the mother began to rub a hand down her face anxiously.

Nervously.

“The only thing I’d have a harder time believing is that you were in a library. What’s your connection to Patz? You his dealer?”

Silence.

“Lover?”

“Fuck you,” Madelyn spats. Andy grins on the inside, “Did Patz say anything about being in the park the morning of the murder?” Andy finally turns his full body towards her.

Nervously, Maddie looks at her mother, thinking this man might jump on her any second. “Don’t look at her. Look at me.” The girl looks back at him, wide eyes. “If you know something about the case against my daughter, you have to tell me. Now.”

The silence and tension grew once Andy had finished. The strong look of determination while the girl was the weakest there. Driven by fear.

“Ma, make him go,” Madelyn says.

Andy steps up, “My daughter’s life is on the line, Madelyn-”

“You gotta get outta here,” Mrs. McGrath says, Andy takes another step up to Maddie. “I don’t fucking know anything,” The girl says.

“Her life is on the line. You hear me?” Andy’s voice began to raise, “My daughter’s freedom.” Her mother shoves her daughter back, “You go to your room.” Andy takes another step. Madelyn peaks over her mother, “I don’t know anything.”

“Give me any hit of information!” Andy says.

“Get the fuck out!” Madelyn shouts.

“Shut up! Shut your face!” Her mother says, she turns to Andy, “You get out of my house!”

“I need you to do the right thing!” Andy said, Madelyn’s mother points, “Get out. I don’t know who the fuck you think you are,” She says. Andy furiously bounces his leg up and down as he stared at the family.

He shrugged it off and sighed. “Just do the right thing, Madelyn. Your mother has my number,” After that— Andy left the neighborhood. With no trail of evidence.

Earlier that day, Y/N had her first session with Dr. Vogel. Small tests with pictures of good or bad pictures. With an pulse oximeter, it beeped as Y/N pushed the green or red button on those pictures.

Dead animals. Bodies. Children happy. Riots. Y/N glances over to Dr. Vogel and the woman gives the girl a small smile. The corner of Y/N’s lip curves up for a second and turned back to the screen in front of her.

Laurie stood outside the room. Staring at the painting in front of her.

Pierre Bonnard

The painting had looked like a lake or pond. Trees surrounding it with the blue sky with clouds. For the first time in a while, Laure felt. Peaceful. Something pulling her into a void of happiness, gentle and peace. It seemed to calm her.

Something she haven’t felt for a long time.

Breaking from her thoughts, she hears her phone chime. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out her phone and read the calendar.

Children’s Cottage Spring Gala!! Now Tonight at 7:00PM

The thought when she came back from work, they told her it wasn’t a good time to come back after Y/N’s arrest. They were shocked to see her come in so soon. But they told her to head home.

Spring Gala was what she set up. The video she created was never gonna be up. Someone other than her probably did it and never complained how bad it was. Laurie felt distraught.

Laurie hears the door click in front of her, “Sorry. We ran a little long,” Dr. Vogel says, she turns to Y/N. “Really nice meeting you, Y/N. I look forward to us talking again next Tuesday.”

Laurie stands up as Y/N nods, “Okay.” Laurie gently smiles at her. Dr. Vogel grins, “She’s a very good sport. She was really focused and she was...” Elizabeth stops to see Laurie’s look.

“Is everything okay?” She whispered. Laurie nods, “Yeah. I...Yeah. Sorry,” She whispers back.

“Okay. Don’t worry about it,” The woman says, Y/N looks over to them and patiently waits. “We’re going to be late for her tutor,” Laurie says, hoping not to waste Elizabeth time any longer.

“Yeah, okay. Of course. Um--” Vogel gently takes Laurie’s hands and grins, “Take care, okay?”

“Yeah.”

Taking Y/N out of the building, Laurie and Y/N both rode in the car in silence. Laurie keeping her eyes on the rode as Y/N stared out the window. “Is dad home?” She asked.

Laurie glances over, “Um, I’m sure he’s out running a few errands. He texted me a while ago, so I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

Andy had sat in his car in front of Freeman’s Hardware. Following Leonard Patz who was reported to be working there. His cap low over his brows as he watched the sex offender walk out to his car after work.

Andy followed him. He made sure not to be so close to the man for him to be spotted and considered some psycho dad. He wasn’t. Was he?

He stopped on the other side of the street when Leonard Patz chosen to grab a pizza at C&M’s. The place Andy would grab his for the family. Andy watched him drive off and he followed once again.

Leonard had reached his apartment complex and gotten out nonchalantly. Andy stopped at the sign and saw Patz walk over to the front. Pulling his notes over to his lap, he began to write.

He looked over to the time.

Patz returns home around 3 pm.

After that— Andy drove home. He parked his car in the garage and went through the back doors instead of the front. He walks in, being greeted by their lovely big dog. “Hey, buddy,” Andy gently pats the dog’s stomach as he walks over to the counter.

“Honey?” He called, looking around. He drops his keys and began to pull off his jacket, looking into the living room. No one. He hears the faint sounds of shooting, like a video game was beaming upstairs.

Andy walks over and jogs up the stairs casually as he reaches Y/N’s door.

“Yeah. Shoot him. Shoot him, right there,” She was muffled behind the door and Andy’s fists tighten up. What the hell did he just tell her? “Shoot him!”

He grabs the door and twists it, “What the hell did I tell you abo--” Andy cuts himself off when he sees two people sitting next to Y/N. A boy. And a girl. Sarah from when he spoke to her at the school.

The boy was a brunette. Green eyes. Somewhat strong jawline for an eighth grader. Andy pauses, “Oh. Sorry,” His voice was more softer than from when he came in.

Y/N grins awkwardly, “Uh, this is Matt. And this is Sarah. They’re from school.” Andy’s shoulders drop now, “Right. Okay, hi.”

Sarah nods, “We met before. When you came to Archer that day. I’m sure you haven’t met Matt, though” Andy nods with a smile, “Of course, of course. Hi, Matt,” The boy shyly grins.

“Mr. Barber.”

“How are you?” He asked. Sarah and Matt shrug, “We’re good, thanks.”

“Nice to see you two,” Andy looks over to Y/N with no change of expression. Except that the fact she had a boy in her room. No problem.

“I was just, uh... checking in,” He says, he turns around, “Where’s mom?” He asked. Y/N turns to the screen, “I’m not sure. She said something about meeting someone from work.”

“Okay,” Andy nods, “Well... have fun.” He grins. He looked at the three and noticed Y/N’s eyebrows raise up as she pierced her lips together. The awkward silence stood before Andy closes his eyes, “Right. Sorry,” He grabs the door and closes it.

He smiles gently as he went back downstairs, listening to them laugh.

After a few hours of them playing, they left before they could have a slice of pizza Andy had ordered. They began to watch the soccer games. “They didn’t want to stay for dinner?” Andy asked.

Y/N hums, “Their mom wanted them back home.” Andy turns to Y/N, “He’s related to Sarah?”

Y/N nods, “Matt is adopted, he told me Sarah’s mom had a miscarriage at the time and she found him.”

He nods. “Who is he?” Andy asked.

Y/N rolls her eyes with a grin, “Um, just some kid who was in Derek’s group, he wasn’t much of a talker so we didn’t really know each other before he came up to me.” Andy nods, “They seemed nice.”

“Mm-hmm. They’re a little weird though.” Andy brings the napkin to his face and wipes it before turning to her, “Weird?”

“Yeah. Like artsy, you know? A lot of kids give them crap for it sometimes. Matt’s more of the quiet kid,” She said. Andy nods, “Well, it’s nice they came to see you.”

“Yeah. Matt and I were just texting, and, uh, he asked me what I do most days, and I said ‘Nothing much’, so he said they can come over, hang out.” Andy watches her reach for another piece of pizza as she watched the television.

“But I think he just feels sorry for me.”

Andy thought about him and slowly shifted, “Maybe he just likes you,” He looks over and smiles. Y/N blushes and shakes her head, exhaling, “I think it’s more like he feels guilty.”

“What do you mean guilty?” Andy asked.

Y/N swipes her tongue across the inside of her cheek, “He said Derek was saying some stuff about me to him and Sarah and they just feel bad about it. For believing him, whatever.”

Andy turns away, “They don’t believe him now though?”

Y/N shrugs, “I guess not,” She mumbled, “If they came over. But he’s been into me and Sarah forever.” Andy turns to her again.

“Who Derek?” Andy asked.

Y/N nods, “Yeah. He’s, like, obsessed with Sarah, not just her.”

“If he liked you why would he say those things?” Andy asks, Y/N shrugs at the thought. “You know how boys get, they usually bully girls to keep their secret inside but I found out when Matt told me. I think Matt and Sarah think maybe he did it.”

Andy turns to her and closes his eyes, shaking his head, “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What’d you just say?” He asked, he turns his body towards her.

Y/N inhales, “Matt and Sarah thinks he might have done it. But they didn’t say that, you know. Sarah just said she heard the cops at school and had talked to him. They called in his mom, too.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s a suspect,” He states. Y/N nods, “I know, but that’s what they think it was.” Andy stares at her blankly. She shook her head, “I don’t know. Maybe Matt just wants to make me feel better.”

Andy finally situates himself back onto the couch as he silently sat there, staring down. And he never spoken about that again.

Laurie returned home just like she said, around 8-8:30. She was tensed. After speaking without knowing that the woman at the diner was a Global writer, asking about the case after Laurie had just finished rambling about how her days were going.

Saying that Andy never had friends.

Entering through the front door, she drops her keys at the front. Andy peeps over, “Hi. How was dinner?” He asked. Laurie manages to speak, “Good.” She pulls off her purse and greeted Milo who came trotting over with a wagging tail.

“I might have made some progress today on the Patz front,” Andy says. Laurie peers up, “Oh?” She tugs her coat off. “Yeah. Talked to this kid who’s mixed up with him. I think she’s hiding something,” Laurie never moved as she seem to be staring into a complete void.

In her own thoughts as Andy looks over to her and tilts his head, “You okay?” His voice drenched with worried. Laurie looks up before softly saying, “I’m just tired.” Andy nods and grabs the bag filled wit cans and bottles.

“Okay. I’m gonna take out this recycling. I’ll be up in a minute,” He peers over, reassuringly. Laurie nods, “Okay,” Then she turned a heel. Andy carefully and worryingly watched her walk up the stairs as he heads over to the back door.

“Come on, bud, let’s go outside.” Milo sniffs the door as Andy opens it for him.

Y/N sat on her bed as she typed away on her computer, eyes completely fixed onto the screen as she stared.

Full Name May Kobbs User Name may_kobbs Password |

Y/N typed in a password and added a profile picture saying ‘Veddy Nice’ with two thumbs up. Someone knocks on her door and she looks up. Andy peers in, “Hey,” He says softly.

Y/N pulls an earbud out as Milo strolls in and immediately goes for his bed in the corner of the room. “Mom and I are gonna hit the hay. You should probably do the same,” He says.

“All right,” She says, “Good night.”

Andy nods at her, “What are you watching?” He asked. Y/N looks at her screen, turning it to face him. “Watching skateboarding fails,” She lightly laughs.

Andy nods, “High comedy. Okay. Don’t stay up too late. Night, Milo,” Andy said, the dog’s ears perk up as his eyes slowly drooped. After Andy closed the door, Y/N puts the earbud back in and goes back to the account.

Andy began to tug off his shoes while Laurie began to brush her teeth, “Just kind of a sense of normalcy in a way. I mean,” He shrugs, “It’s not like he ever had boys over before, but you know what I mean.”

He walks over and leans in the doorway to the bathroom, “So, dinner was nice?” Laurie looks over and hums, giving him a thumbs up. “Good. God, I’m glad. You deserve it.”

Y/N scrolls through and finds Matt’s instagram, following it just after following Sarah’s as well. Y/N goes to the messages and began to type.

Sent May Kobbs HIGH FIVE!

From Matt Grohl That’s you? lol i thought you weren’t allowed?

Sent May Kobbs I want to see your guys songs

After that Y/N got accepted in. Seeing piano videos along with Sarah and Matt in together with guitars. Y/N grins.

Andy slowly walked out of the bathroom and headed over to the bed, joining Laurie. He turns off the light, “I’m gonna check in again with Duffy tomorrow.” Andy began to get under the sheets, “Matt told Y/N he saw the police at school, questioning Derek,” He grunts.

“About what?”

“I don’t know. Sarah and Matt seem to think that he might be a suspect.”

“Derek?” Laurie asked. “Yeah. Anything’s possible.” Andy looks over to Laurie who lets out a small sigh. “What?” He asked.

Laurie gently shakes her head, “That’s what everyone says about Y/N.”

“Well, that’s why we can’t leave her fate up to the cops and a courtroom. We gotta get answers for ourselves,” He says.

“Isn’t that Joanna’s job?” She asked. The two stare at the ceiling, “Joanna’s a great lawyer, but lawyer’s have boundaries. I don’t. Not anymore. My only job now is trying to protect our daughter.”

The silence stood still as if the air never moved any longer.

“Whatever it takes.”

~~~

I screamed when they added the Whatever it takes line into the show. It was midnight at the time, okay? I screamed.

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chaoticspacefam · 3 years

Text

OC Music Meme

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch ! Thank you & sorry it took so long, didn’t have time to write this out before I left for holiday stuff so here we go! I shall tag: @actualanxiousswampwitch (go on give us another one XD), @a-muirehen , @kyber-heart , @thedinalixlegacy (no pressure as always, I know I’m kinda late now sksjkshskhs!) and anyone else who wants to do this, yes, I promise I mean you!

art is by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :D

Let’s do Aria this time, shall we! Since her playlist is the second-longest, and her and Vano’s ship playlist is the longest, we’ll have the most (probable options! Long post so goin’ under a cut. Additional TW’s for: drugs, alcohol, alcoholism, drug addiction and murder, in case I’ve forgotten to add it to the song-specific sections. If you click past this cut, know that this is what you may find there.

reminds you of them most: It was super hard to pick just three for hers, there were so many others I wanted to include here, but couldn’t, as I wanted to make sure I included songs that covered as much of her over-arching characterisation as I could. Honourable mentions to: Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco feat. LOLO, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy, Beekeeper - Keaton Henson, and Bones Of A Rabbit - Young Heretics, which can all be found (and more) on her Spotify Playlist - catch-all warning for: sex, drugs, violence and murdering of parents applies here, be aware her playlist is very dark, just as dark as Rai’s but with differing subject matter, proceed with caution if you find anything like that triggering!)

You’re Going Down - Sick Puppies :: This one is kinda self-explanatory. I heard it on a Spotify or Youtube shuffle at some point a year or so ago and immediately went “Oh, hey Aria!” so onto her playlist it went XD “Because I'm hyped up out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know.” don’t mess with the Tiny Sith, guys, she will put you in the medbay. She’ll do it, she’s done it before ask Vano what happened to the last guy *nods*

Liar - The Arcadian Wild :: This is a relatively “new” song in comparison, which was sent to me by a good rp/writer friend on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have other socials!) that I often discuss plot points etc. with among other things, saying “hey this reminded me of Aria thought you’d like it!”. I listened to it and yep, sure enough, it’s an Aria song. A big part of Aria’s character is that at the start, she really is quite a bad person. She’s nasty, and cantankerous and she really doesn’t care about anybody except for herself (and maybe her dad. A tiny bit.), as things progress, however, while she is still inherently quite rude and selfish, she DOES learn to value other people...provided they are people she cares about, like Vano, and her friends, and so on, as well as (sometimes, she’s working on it still) taking the blame for her own actions and learning it’s not “weak” or bad to a) admit you care about people, b) make mistakes and c) admit those mistakes and take responsibility for them. "I sense there’s trouble ahead, it’s clear by the signs and warnings. That should tell where all blame is due, So why are they pointing at MY head? [...] I sense deception to come. Honestly, truth and I are never one. 'Cause I am the lying man and I have made you my next victim. I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask, or else I'll be left in the lie. And I'll deceive my way straight to demise! Cause I’m not in the right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it. My stubbornness will put up a fight! But I don’t deserve to win it... I’m left in the dark, pondering my mistakes But in the light I swear I will, deny it all...”

I didn’t mean to post like half the song but woops it’s done so have it anyway lmao

Brutus - The Buttress :: TW: intense violent imagery in the lyrics. This one is very relevant but contains spoilers for upcoming and as of yet unposted/incomplete chapters (as in...like 3 ish chapters time at most) of Creeping Shadows, so I’ll post this quote as “explanation” and let you theorize who it’s about

“My name is Brutus and my name means “heavy” So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my Enemy! My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I too have a destiny! This death will be art! The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, And I'll be great too! I don't want what you have, I wanna be you!!“

reminds another character of them:

Where’s My Love? - SYML :: (Vano) I think the acoustic version is especially emotional : ))) Vano looked for her for years but couldn’t find her and genuinely thought Aria was dead. You can understand why she was so fucking angry when she found out that was a lie...but at the same time, she just wanted her love to come home :( “Did she run away? Did she run away? I don't know If she ran away, If she ran away, Come back home Just come home“

Mothers - Daughter :: (Myla, her mother) “Love all you need to love before it goes... When your face becomes a stranger’s that I don’t know. You will never remember who I was to you [...] I’m called “mother”, but they’re called “home”.”

Myla raised Aria for the first few years of her life, and really wanted to keep her away from both the Jedi and the Sith but as it became more and more clear that Aria’s Force affinity was as strong as her father’s, the situation rapidly spiralled out of Myla’s control. She tried to hide Aria, but in the end her father Noctis did find them and take Aria to train with the Sith. She didn’t see her daughter again until she was a teenager, suddenly turning up with the task to kill her for treason against the Empire (Myla is not the canon Imp Agent, but follows the general trajectory of the LS!Agent storyline i.e. an agent disillusioned with the Empire who eventually defects to the Republic with the help of the SIS.). Though she’s a Senator on Onderon now, Myla carried a blaster for personal protection and ofc knows how to use it, except...she couldn’t shoot her own daughter and that was all she wrote. I imagine her thought process during her final moments went something like in this song, especially the bit that I highlighted up there.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly, etc:

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives :: Aria & Vano (Romantic). Aria’s relationship with Vano is incredibly messy and complicated. On one hand, she knows Vano deserves better, but at the same time she doesn’t want her to go anywhere else and it seems like no matter what she does to try and “warn her off” about what a “bad person” she is, Vano keeps coming back anyway. Ergo, this song. "Oh, I will ruin you. I will ruin you. It’s a habit...I can’t help it. I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent. I will only break your pretty things, I will only wring you dry of everything! But if you’re fine with that, if you’re fine with that [...] You can be mine.”

Colours - Halsey :: Aria & Merak & Ziri (Friendship/Platonic Love) “You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old...”

Aria “coped” (i.e. not very well but she did it) with the guilt of killing her mother and the stress brought on by the night terrors by self-medicating with glitterstims (spice) and alcohol, and this is how Merak in particular remembers her. Though she got clean from spice after they picked up Ziri, she still continued to drink (and still does) quite heavily, though at least it’s easier to manage that habit. Both of them supported her through this the best they could and it’s probably a big reason (other than Merak being Vano’s little brother) that they’re still Aria’s friends to this day, even if she doesn’t actively travel with them anymore.

(honourable mention to Agnes - Glass Animals which also falls under this “category” but I didn’t want this to get too crowded lmao, it is once again a super long post woops) You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring :: Aria & Roan/Darth Noctis (Familial/Familial Love) Listen, he may have taught her very bad emotional habits and turned her into a tiny attack dog, but her father did love & protect her the best way he possibly could. He was very proud of her and always envisioned her taking his place as a Darth one day (and it takes her a longass while, but eventually she does! Congrats dad!). That’s all I’ve got to say about this one 🤷‍♀️ Monster - Willyecho :: Aria & Satele Shan/The Jedi Order (Enemies to Begrudging Respect (eventually) “I can see the truth. No, you don’t have to lie to me. Don’t fill your head with things and think you’re free~ [...] You don’t believe in monsters, do you~?” ”Of course not!” ”Well, I do...” See me change...into something...darker....” My personal favourite from this “round”. It’s not until Ilum that Satele and the Jedi finally realise they have not “converted” Aria as they thought they did, but rather...they’ve had a Sith hiding under their noses, a Sith related to a Dark Councillor well-known for murdering Jedi no less, and that perhaps...the “deaths” she had convinced them were accidental, were in fact, not an accident at all. 😈 Aria, of course, gets her ass thrown in jail for a few years for this lmao When the schtick with the Revanites happens and Theron needs someone who can “negotiate in a civil manner with Sith”, he and his mother agree Aria is the best bet - if it works, the Sith will respond more positively to her than any other Jedi, if they kill her instead then they’re “rid of” her and don’t lose one of their own - when Lana’s point-of-contact happens to be Vano and the pair reunite after another several years apart, Aria refuses to return to the Republic after Yavin IV. By then, she’s developed enough of a begrudging respect for Satele (and vice versa) that the Grand Master lets her go (not that she was willing to try and fight Vano, Ni’kasi, Marr & Lana to try and take Aria prisoner again anyways). They haven’t seen each other since and though Aria is neutral to the Jedi who have joined the Alliance, she doesn’t care for those who are still loyal to the Republic and would rather have nothing to do with them if she can help it.

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underoosweb · 5 years

Text

Salvation Ch. 5

WARNING: CONTAINS ENDGAME SPOILERS!

Pairing: Tony Stark x Stark!Reader, Peter Parker x Reader (Eventually)

Tags are open

2018

They lost. That's all he could think about they lost. Tony was currently playing a game that Peter and Y/N taught him with Nebula. She won. Tony made his way to the front of the ship, grabbing his mask he started to record his 23rd message.

“This thing on?”

The helmet scans TONY, he leans against a wall.

“ Hey, Y/N, Miss Potts. If you find this recording don't post it on social media because it'll be a tearjerker. I don't know if you're ever going to see these, I don't even know if you're still... Oh god, I hope so. Today’s day 21... No, 22. You know if it wasn’t for the extestional terror of Staring Into the literal void of space I say I'm feeling a little bit better today. Infections run its course thanks to the blue meanie back there, Y/N you’d love her, very practical only a tiny bit sadistic. So the fuel cells were cracked during the battle we figured out a way to reverse the iron charge bought ourselves about 48 hours of flight time, uhh but it’s now dead in the water, thousands of lightyears from the nearest 7-11. Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning. That'll be it. Pep, Y/N, look I know I said no more surprises but I gotta say I was really hoping to pull off one last one but it looks like.. Well you know what it looks like. Don’t feel bad about this. Y/N, I'm sorry, I know I wasn't the best dad but then again I didn't have the best example. You remember our saying. I love you. Forever and always. I should probably lie down for a minute, rest my eyes. Miss Potts, when I drift off, I'll dream of you. It's always you.”

Tony then fell asleep, Nebula covered him with her jacket and made her way back to the back of the ship. Tony shakes himself awake, a bright light blinds him and he sighs in relief. Carol found them. Tony made his way out of the ship once they landed, Steve greeted him

“Are they...Please tell me..” Tony looked around and found Pepper

“Oh thank god.” Tony pulled her into a tight embrace.

“Where's Y/N?” He asked.

“Tony.” Steve looked at his old friend.

“No. No. That... That couldn't... That's not possible…” Tony felt his legs give out, Steve caught him

“We need to get him in.”

Tony currently sat in a wheelchair with an Iv attached to him.

“We’ve been looking for Thanos for 3 weeks now. Space scan, satellites we got nothing. Tony, you fought him” Steve said

“Who told you that? Didn’t fight him, no he wiped my face with a planet while the magician gave away the stone, that’s what happened, there wasn’t a fight.” Tony replied.

“Ok, did he give you any clues, coordinates, anything?” Steve asked

“Oh, pfft,” Tony waved his hands around.

“I saw this coming from years back. I had a vision, I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I was dreaming.” Tony continued

“Tony, I’m going to need you to focus,” Steve said

“And I needed you, as in past tense that trumps what you need. It’s too late buddy. You know what I need,” Tony said while getting up knocking bowls over during the process

“To shave. And I believe I remember telling,”

“Tony, Tony, Tony.” Rhodey made his way to help him

“Everyone that what we needed was a suit of armor around the world. Remember that. Whether it impacted our precious freedom or not, that’s what we needed.”

“Well it didn’t work out did it?” Steve stated

“I said we’d lose, you said we’d do that together too. Guess what Cap, we lost. You weren’t there. I got nothing for you Cap, No trust. Liar. I lost the kid. Not only did I lose the kid but I lost my daughter. My daughter. I swore on my life to protect her. So did you Cap and look at what happened. We lost. That’s it.” Tony collapsed to the floor and everyone rushed to him.

**********************************************************************

2023 5 years later

Tony somehow managed to move on, not really. He and Pepper finally got married and had a little girl, Morgan. She reminded him so much of Y/N, when she was born he swore he would protect her from any harm and danger, he wouldn't fail a 3rd time. Steve came to talk about time travel which Tony thought it was impossible, yet he still created machines that would make it possible. He did it. Tony went and put Morgan back to bed.

“I love you 3000.” said the little girl

“Wow, 3000. Go to bed or I’ll sell all your toys.” Morgan giggled

Tony made his way downstairs to find his wife sitting on the couch.

“Not that it’s a competition But she loves me three thousand,”

“ Oh does she now?” Pepper replied

“You were somewhere in the 6 to 900 range.” Pepper laughed. Tony couldn’t stop fidgeting, he turned back to the hologram of the machine

“What cha reading?” he asked

“Just a book on composting.”

“What’s new with composting?”

“Interesting st-”

“I figured it out. By the way.” Tony turned his head back to Pepper

“And just so you know we’re talking about the same thing.” Pepper turned to Tony

“Time travel.”

“What? Wow… That’s uh amazing and terrifying.”

“That’s right.” Tony made his way and sat next to Pepper

“We got lucky, well not really.” Pepper took a hold of his hand

“Yeah. I know.”

“A lot of people didn’t.”

“Nope and I can’t help everybody.”

“It sorta seems like you can, Tony you have a chance to bring her back..”

“Not if I stop, I could put a pin in it right now and stop.”

“Tony trying to get you to stop has been one of the few failures of my life. I know you’re scared that this might not work but there’s nothing wrong with trying.” Tony smiled small.

“Something tells me I should put it away in a locked box and throw it to the bottom of the lake and go to bed.”

“But would you be able to rest?” Pepper asked and held his hand.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tony pulled Steve aside

“Steve I want you to do me a favor in case it works and something happens,”

“What is it, Tony?”

“Take care of them.”

SNAP

Bruce snapped his fingers.

“Did it work?” Scott asked

“I don’t know,” Bruce said

Tags:

@ghost-brocolli

@ziggyspurplehaze

@a-sweet-little-fangirl

@imafreakingtaco

@karlitabi-rrito

@rexorangecouny

@too-involved

@alisoncdariel

@outsider-underwater

#tony stark #tony stark x stark!reader #tony x reader #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #peter parker imagine #marvel #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #spider man x reader

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jae-sch-writes · 6 years

Text

Protecting Each Other

Characters: Cas x Sister!Reader, Sam, Dean, Kelly Kline, Jack Kline

Genre: Flangst

Word Count: 426

Summary: The story of the relationship between Castiel and Y/N Winchester

Warnings: Season 4 spoilers (does this count as a warning at this point), season 7 spoilers (once again, ?), season 8 spoilers, season 12 spoilers, death, implied attempted suicide

A/N: Sorry I’ve been kinda absent. School started up and someone decided it would be a good idea to take AP Psychology, College Prep. Biology, and Spanish IV at the same time. But I found this in a notebook and decided to give it to y’all. Edited with Grammarly but any and all mistakes are my own and no one is to blame for them but myself.

Despite your line of work, the possibility of angels actually existing seemed foreign to you. Until somewhere around 2008, and after your eldest brother's death, you had just thought angels were something the church made up to make people feel better about their loved ones dying.

You held on strong to your beliefs. Never wavered from them, until a certain raven-haired, blue-eyed angel came into your family's life.You never really thought much on developing feelings for the angel, but as you exposed more and more to him, you fell head-over-heels.

When Castiel was the vessel for the Leviathans in 2011, you were crushed, possibly even more than your brothers. You shut yourself away, not wanting to talk to about the incident with anyone.

A year later, when Dean and Cas were sent to Purgatory, you couldn't function. You spent at least a month searching for a way to get them back, but Sam eventually convinced you to stop looking. You stayed with him and Amelia. You were happy for Sam, but you felt like something was missing.

When Dean came back, you were overjoyed and hopeful because if Dean was back, then surely that meant your angel was too. You hope immediately fell when Dean delivered the news that Cas wouldn't be coming back with him.

When Can did finally come back, you decided you couldn't have him not knowing about your feelings for him, so you told him. You told him everything. He explained that he was certain he felt the same way, but he wasn't sure and that he had never experienced anything like this before. You were more than happy to show him everything he needed to know.

2017 came along and when you were trying to protect Kelly Kline and her baby, Castiel was killed. You were devastated and beyond furious. You locked yourself away and refused to talk to your brothers or even Jack, sweet, sweet Jack.

You went on hunts by yourself, especially the ones where you knew there wasn't a very good chance of you making it out alive. You hoped, prayed even, they would end up killing you, but they never did.

When Cas returned to your small family, you never left his side. You never wanted anything bad to happen to him ever again. He protected you, even if it had to be from yourself. You protected him and swore to hurt anyone that even dared to lift their pinky at him. He was your guardian angel and you his guardian hunter. You protected each other.

Tag List

@re-fordoremi @dontshootmespence @impala-dreamer @jensen-jarpad

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thatgirlonstage · 7 years

Link

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)

Characters: Lance (Voltron), Lance's Family (Voltron), Keith (Voltron), Lotor (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron), Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk (Voltron), Allura (Voltron), Coran (Voltron), Iverson (Voltron)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Memory Loss, this is VERY HEAVILY Lance, especially at the beginning, I promise klance will happen eventually, and we'll see the other paladins, but you're gonna have to be patient, because it is going to take a while, Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Angst, alllll of the angst, Insecure Lance (Voltron), blade of marmora, the real otp of this fic is lance x letters from the desert cryptid man, keith is a human disaster, Season/Series 02 Spoilers

Lance wakes up in a hospital on Earth to discover he has been missing for four months, with no memory of Voltron or the Galra. Drawn inexplicably to the desert where they found him, he discovers a hut full of research and notes that may provide the key to his missing memories. With secrets and conspiracies surrounding him, and the Garrison potentially hiding far more than he could ever have imagined, Lance grows to trust the notes in the desert - but he may not believe the person who claims he wrote them.

Dialogue in italics indicates it is Spanish. A huge thank you to @allsunkenhearts for the translation of the section actually in Spanish!

[Trigger warning for depiction of an anxiety attack]

Chapter One

One step, then another. One foot at a time. One more step. One more step. One more step.

The sun beat mercilessly through his suit, its black fibers greedily sucking up light and the heat that came with it. Meanwhile his face, his hands, and the back of his neck, wherever skin was bare it was growing steadily hotter and tighter, stretching uncomfortably every time he moved. His legs ached, creaking with exhaustion and weak with heat. His clothes were starting to chafe at him, itching against his wrists and his ankles. Occasionally the shirt started to ride up, exposing a thin strip of his lower back that blazed with painful warmth every time it was uncovered again. A distracted thought slipped across his brain: he wouldn’t be able to sleep comfortably for a week with the sunburn he was getting.

One more step. One more step. One more step.

His brain beat with his pulse, too fast and weak against his skull. His eyes seemed unable to focus on anything. His breaths fluttered through his mouth, hot air pulled in past a heavy, useless, tongue to scrape against the back of his throat. His muscles felt loose and shaky and his clothes were crusty with dried sweat.

He had been soaked when he started walking. Now, his entire body was dry as a bone. Some piece of filed away knowledge whispered that that was bad.

One more step. One more step. One more step.

The world shifted and slipped and crumbled at the edges like the sand underneath his feet. Edges of thoughts peeked around dark corners in his brain but he couldn’t grasp them. He held on only to the knowledge that he had to keep walking, held onto his mantra for dear life, clinging on by his fingernails. One more step. One more step. He just had to take one more step, and then he could rest.

One more step. One more step. One more step.

His vision was blurring. The sun was ruthlessly bright, white light stabbing his eyes. He wanted so badly to close them, to stop for just a moment.

He was starting to see things. A face dominated by round glasses that reflected the sunlight and burned away in its white fire. A headband unraveling and crumbling into sand. A scar across the world that seemed to break it in half, only for it to reform again. A pair of dark, round eyes that flashed purple before evaporating.

One… more… step…

*****

Someone was squeezing his hand so tightly it was starting to go numb. A voice spoke in a long, low rush of Spanish, her voice settling like warm, calm water in his chest. He licked his lips. Why was his mouth so dry? His skin felt tight and hot with sunburn. Had he fallen asleep outside?

“…and Louisa is going to be back soon with Cal, she went to pick him up from school. He wanted to drop everything and come see you as soon as he heard but he had to talk to his dean first, would you believe they made him come in for an in-person meeting even though you were even in the news, it was ridiculous, but they got it sorted and he’s on his way now. Could you wake up for him, baby? He cried for months, it would mean so much to him to come in and see you up and talking. And Louisa, Louisa had to tear herself away, she ordered me to call her immediately if you so much as twitched a finger—”

“Mamá?” he murmured, his words dry and cracked on his stiff tongue. The voice stopped, and the pressure on his hand increased. He thought he could feel someone leaning over him.

“Lance?”

“I’m awake, Mamá,” he managed. He felt like he hadn’t had a drink of water in ten years. His eyes struggled to open, eyelashes sticking together, and he squeezed them shut again briefly as a rush of light hit him. Trying a second time, he caught a look of his mamá’s face, bending over him, anxiety written into lines and sags he didn’t remember. And then suddenly, she was practically on top of him.

“Lance!” she cried, making him cringe as his ribs protested her hug. “Ah, sorry, sorry, I’m sorry, baby, I’m just so glad you’re all right.” She pulled back and he caught sight of the tears streaked across her cheeks. He frowned. His head felt like it was full of cotton balls. Why was she so upset?

“I’m fine, Mamá,” he said. “Do you… have a glass of water?” She wiped at her tears, sniffing, and nodded, seeming unwilling to take her eyes off of him.

“One moment, let me call the nurse. I’ll be right back, okay? This will only take a second.” She lingered for a moment longer, sniffling again, and then bustled off. Lance turned his head, looking at the room. He was in a hospital, IV tubes dripping fluid into his arm, bandages stretched across his skin. What had happened?

His mother was back faster than he would have thought possible, holding his hand while a nurse delivered a glass of water with instructions to drink it slowly. She checked his vitals and made some scribbles on a chart while he sipped at it until his mouth no longer felt like it was made of sandpaper. His mother smiled through an unending stream of tears, holding his hand as if she never intended to let go.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Sanchez?” the nurse asked, smiling at him warmly. Lance frowned.

“I’m… I’m okay, I guess but… Sorry, what happened? Why am I in the hospital? I think I was… in the desert?”

“You made it to just a mile outside town,” his mother said. “They said you must have walked quite a long way.”

“But where…” he trailed off, trying to rewind his thoughts. A sudden horrifying realization struck him. “Hunk and Pidge!” he yelped. “Are they okay?” The nurse and his mother glanced at each other, and that one look sent a stone sinking into Lance’s stomach.

“Were they with you?” his mother asked gently. Lance gaped, grasping desperately at his memories. Why were they slipping through his fingers like this? Why did everything he could remember seem so far away?

“We… I’m not sure. We, um, we snuck out, well, Hunk and I did, we saw Pidge go up to the roof, and…” He stopped and shook his head. “Are we… in trouble?” he asked timidly. His mother brought her other hand up to grab his.

“No, no, no you’re not in trouble, baby,” she assured him. “Please, just tell us what happened. Where did you sneak out of?” Lance frowned.

“The Garrison, of course,” he said. His mother froze. There was another glance between her and the nurse.

“Honey,” she said, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Is sneaking out of the Garrison the last thing you remember?”

“Well… yeah. I guess. I have no idea how I ended up in the desert. Does this mean Hunk and Pidge are out missing somewhere?” His mother pressed her lips together. Lance looked between her and the nurse, panic blooming in his chest. Had he gotten Hunk and Pidge into serious danger somehow? They were just planning to go into town, weren’t they? What could possibly have gone so wrong? He knew the look on his mother’s face, and it never boded well. “What?” he asked.

“Lance,” she said, holding his hand close to her, “you, Hunk, and Pidge all disappeared from the Garrison over four months ago.”

*****

His fingers tapped an aimless rhythm across the sheet. The knuckles were scraped and bruised and the palms sported calluses he didn’t remember. He watched them, skittering atop the hospital bed, imperfection blaring against the crisp clinical white sheets, as he avoided looking up to meet the gazes that all zeroed in on him. He hunched his shoulders, and felt Louisa tighten her arm around them, an effort at comfort that only left him feeling more trapped. “Take your time,” she murmured in his ear, but he didn’t want to take his time, not with Hunk and Pidge lost somewhere in an unforgiving desert. He’d had his time taken from him, and no matter how hard he thought he couldn’t seem to bring it back.

“Maybe if we just… start over at the beginning, and go over it again.” The detective sounded tired, tucking his notebook under his arm in order to rub at his eyes. Lance looked up at him slowly. His suit was frayed at the cuffs and collar and there was sand stuck to his shoes. His eyes were bracketed with crow’s feet, scattered grey hairs jumped out against his black hair and skin, and there was an overall slump to his shoulders that spoke of too many long nights and time spent hunched over case files. He’d introduced himself as Detective Todd Hopkins, one of the lead investigators into Lance’s disappearance four months ago. The investigation into three teenagers who somehow managed to completely vanish during a lockdown that had not produced a single shred of evidence of their whereabouts. Louisa was watching at him dubiously.

“I want to help, really I do, but I just… I can’t remember anything. Really, I don’t have a clue,” Lance said. His eyes stung. “I can’t…”

“It’s not uncommon to suffer temporary amnesia in the wake of a traumatic experience,” the doctor spoke up gently from the other side of the room. “With rest and time to process everything, the memories will most likely begin to return in a few days.” He stood up and walked over to the bed, smiling at Lance. “You’ve clearly been through a lot. You shouldn’t push yourself. If you don’t start to remember what happened, we can put you in touch with some therapists who might be able to help, but for right now the best strategy is just to try and recover.” He turned to the detective. “There’s no use in berating him. He’ll remember when he remembers.” Detective Hopkins sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“There’s one more thing,” he said. “Those clothes we found you in. What can you tell us about them?” Lance stared.

“My… clothes?” he asked uncertainly.

“They weren’t yours, honey, they checked with me while you were asleep,” his mother said from her chair in the corner. “I don’t know where you could possibly have found them.” Lance opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling for any answer besides another “I don’t know.”

“I… I’m pretty sure when I left I was just… wearing normal clothes?” he said. He looked from Louisa, to his mamá, to the detective. “Um… a… blue shirt, I think, and just, just jeans I guess. And that jacket, that dark green one I wear all the time. What… what was I wearing when you found me?”

“Something real weird,” Louisa muttered in his ear. He tensed, and she rubbed his arm apologetically.

“It was some kind of skin-tight black… a sort of full-body…” The detective gestured unhelpfully.

“It was a what now.” Lance felt his stomach roiling. What the hell had he gotten mixed up in? Was this some kind of sick bondage sex thing? His toes curled under the sheet and he wondered how embarrassing it would be to have to sprint to the bathroom. To his relief, the detective pulled out a photograph of the clothes. Not nearly as bad as he had been expecting.

“Do you recognize this outfit?” Lance took the picture and stared at it, willing it to recall something, some inkling of a memory, but he couldn’t even manage a touch of déjà vu. He handed it back to the detective.

“No. Sorry.” Hopkins sighed and rubbed his forehead again, scrubbing it vigorously with the heel of his palm.

“I guess that means you can’t tell us what it’s made of, either? Damn.”

“Don’t you have crime lab scientists for that?” Louisa asked.

“They’ve got no clue. Say it’s some kind of fiber they’ve never seen before. No one can explain it. You sure you don’t remember anything, Mr. Sanchez? Anything at all? Even the smallest detail might help.” Lance shook his head miserably. Hopkins let out yet another long-suffering sigh and tucked his notebook away, resigned but unsurprised. He pulled out a card.

“Listen, kid, as soon as you remember anything, I want you to give me a call, alright? Your friends are still out there and you walked too far through a desert to give us any real clues on where they might be. We’re reopening the investigation, but unless you can come up with something we’re just going to run into the same brick wall of nothing as before.” Lance’s bruised and callused hand held the card carefully on his lap as he nodded, unwilling to meet the detective’s gaze.

“I’ll show you out,” the doctor said, holding open the door. Louisa squeezed his shoulders again as they left.

“It’s okay, Lance. You made it, so I’m sure Hunk and Pidge are fine.” He shook his head and buried it in his hands, crumpling the detective’s card, the edge of the cardstock digging into his forehead. The stinging in his eyes grew, threatening to overflow into tears.

“I really thought they were with me,” he said. “I can’t remember anything but that’s all I’ve got – I think wherever I was, Hunk and Pidge were with me. What happened? What if they’re dead? What if I ran off and left them somewhere?” Louisa rubbed circles on his back.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Lance, you wouldn’t do that.” Calixto was leaning against the wall by the door, his arms crossed. He had shoulders as broad as a house and a permanent scowl on his face unless you told him a good math joke, which always made him laugh for at least five minutes before you could get him to stop. He was going to college at Skilton University, a sort of sister school to the Garrison that taught theoretical physics and pure mathematics. Lance had joked when he first became a pilot that Cal’s friends at Skilton would keep him in the air in theory while the Garrison did it in practice. Four years older than him, Cal had seriously skewed his perception of how smart most people were for a long time. He’d thought for a while that he would have to publish at least one paper about quantum physics if he wanted to graduate high school.

“Whatever happened, the most important thing is that you are here and safe,” Cal continued. “And if we found you after we’d all just about given up hope, then we can find Hunk and Pidge too.” The scowl seemed to push deeper into his face. Wiggling out of Louisa’s grip, Lance held out his arms.

“Hey, Cal, come here, I haven’t give you a proper hug yet,” he said. Cal hesitated, then crossed the room in a flash and caught Lance in a surprisingly gentle hold, nothing like the brief bone-crushers he usually gave as holiday greetings. Lance wrapped his arms around his brother’s neck and rested his cheek on his shoulder, closing his eyes and breathing slowly. Some tension seemed to leak out of his chest. This felt safe, this felt like home – more than the Garrison ever had. They stayed that way for a long moment before Cal gave a funny little shudder and pulled away, swiping at his eyes.

“I’m so happy you’re safe, Lance. I really�� I really thought we’d lost you.”

“You gave us all a big scare,” Louisa said, reaching out to squeeze his hand. He squeezed back. Everything felt tenuous and unreal, as if any moment he might squeeze too hard and this dream would pop, and he’d be back… wherever he was.

A phone dinged in the quiet, and his mother, half-dozing in her chair, started. “Ah, your papá is here with Beatriz, Max, and Manuel, and Tío Javier with Elena. I better go–”

“I’ll go get them, Mamá,” Louisa said, sliding off her perch on the edge of Lance’s bed. She reached out and ruffled his hair. “Be back in just a minute, little bro,” she told him.

“I’m less than a year younger than you, Louisa!” Lance called after her, feeling the corners of a smile pulling at his lips. Good to know some things would never change.

*****

The nurses had a job convincing Lance’s family to clear out as it started to get late, insisting that his condition was stable and the best thing they could do for him would be to leave and let him get some sleep. It took them over an hour, with Manuel, Lance’s six-year-old little brother, running back over and over to give him one last hug. Finally, though, he was left alone in the room, admittedly tired enough to fall asleep almost as soon as he lay back on his pillow.

He woke up disoriented by the unfamiliar bed and the dark, the cottony hospital gown awkwardly scrunched up under his hip. He swung himself up to a sitting position, slid off the bed and stumbled, yawning, towards the bathroom.

“…that Sanchez case is strange, though.”

The words drifted through his door, open a crack, and he paused on the other side of it, his sleep-addled brain latching onto the words and trying to thrash through them for meaning.

“What do you mean?”

“Did you hear Dr. Young talking to that detective earlier today? Or even just look at his charts. Kid goes missing for four months, turns up in the middle of the desert, but aside from the immediate symptoms of dehydration and heat stroke, there isn’t anything seriously wrong with him. He’s not malnourished, he doesn’t have any ligature marks, he’s a little cut and bruised but it looks more like he tripped than that he got in a serious fight. There’s no sign of muscle atrophy, no sign of recent major injuries, no sign of prolonged dehydration, no sign of… anything, really. In fact, he’s in peak physical condition. It looks like he was doing fine until he up and decided to take a five-hour walk through the desert. Wherever he’s been for the last four months, they’ve been taking good care of him.”

“Do you think he’s lying?”

“Well if there’s a traumatic experience he’s blocking out, it isn’t anything physical.”

“What did the detective say?”

“He didn’t know what to think – and neither does Dr. Young.”

“Weird. Well, I guess we’ll see if he gets his memory back soon.”

“He IS just a kid. Although, where he could possibly have been for four months, with his face stuck on every lamppost and milk carton in town…”

“Narnia. Clearly he went to Narnia.”

The nurses’ laughter drifted away down the hall, leaving Lance unmoving and covered in cold sweat. He looked down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them. He felt wrong inside his own body. He didn’t recognize his own hands, didn’t know the hard muscles in his arms, didn’t understand how he could just be missing four whole months from his life. Remember, remember, remember, come on, Sanchez, this shouldn’t be this hard. He wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing his eyes shut, the cold floor pressing through the thin hospital slippers into his feet. His breath threatened to choke him. Why can’t I remember? It felt just out of reach, something terrible looming on the horizon, something he needed desperately to know, but every time he reached out it crumbled away like sand. His heart thundered in his chest, beating against his brain, remember, remember, come on, rememberrememberrememberREMEMBER—

Lance flung himself back onto his bed, buried his face into his pillow and screamed, once, twice, then stopped and lay there, nose squashed, heaving with breath. He was gripping the sheets in his fists, hanging on white-knuckled as if he might find himself drifting through nothing if he let go. The pillow was getting wet under his face.

Once his heart slowed he pushed himself up to his elbows, wiping away tears and snot. He stumbled to the bathroom, feeling blindly for a light switch and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment in the sudden brightness. He snagged a handful of toilet paper, blowing his nose and wiping off his hands. He closed the door, and then collapsed to sit on the toilet, pulling his feet up to the seat, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his chin on his knees. He stayed there, breathing in the sharp scent of hospital cleaning supplies, the cold of the toilet seat and the glaring white of the walls all comfortingly, undeniably real.

“My name is Lance Sanchez,” he said. “Mi nombre es Lance Sanchez. I am seventeen years old. Tengo diecisiete años. I am from Cuba, and I came here when I was thirteen to start studying to become a pilot. Nací en Cuba, y vine aquí cuando tenía trece años para estudiar y convertirme en piloto. I am going to be the best damn fighter pilot the Garrison has ever seen. Voy a ser el mejor piloto que el Garrison haya visto jamás. And nothing that might have happened in the last four months has changed any of that. Y nada que pueda haber ocurrido en los últimos cuatro meses ha cambiado algo de todo eso.” He dropped his head down and pressed his forehead against his legs, trying to breathe evenly. He shivered, the chill of the bathroom seeping in through the thin hospital gown, and slowly pushed himself back to his feet. After fumbling his way through using the toilet, he crawled back into bed, flipping his pillow over, and curled up on his side. “I’ll be fine,” he whispered to himself, squeezing his eyes shut. “And so will Hunk and Pidge. We’ll all be home and safe soon. We will. We will. We will. We will.”

#voltron #writing #fanfiction #written in sand #lance #klance #my writing

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