#i will not sabotage myself or the students of course

[cannibalisticskittles]

i go back to work tomorrow and it is. so weird not having something pressing to do.

obviously starting tomorrow -- and particularly starting next week, when the kids actually come back -- i will have far less time to be listless. and when my next class starts in a few weeks, i will have no time.

but for the moment it's. weird. i need something to throw myself into.

#theoretically i could start prepping for work #bc lord knows there's never enough time to get the classroon and materials ready #but i refuse. i refuse to work outside my contracted hours except in (what i deem) emergencies #when i am there they have my time and my energy #but before and after that my time is mine and i will not concede a meagre second of it #this is how i keep myself from burnout #otherwise i would never have made it to the second year #they have no curriculum for me. they have few materials. they haven't even given me desks yet. #and i will not strain myself to make up for these failings -- not on my time #bc. if i manage to achieve great success by working longer (unpaid) hours. if i stress and streas and get things done. they will assume #that i can continue working like that #i will not sabotage myself or the students of course #but like. theyre giving me more kids and i'm already down a TA. #so i can guarantee that my students will be safe and happy. guarantee. and I'd LOVE for them to learn. #but w/ three grades at once and HAVING ONE LESS TA than i ought to have.... its not going to be nearly as efficient as it could be otherwise #the sped facilitator is so busy and tired all the time that its worsening her physical injuries #i wish she'd take time for herself #but I can't make her. #i can certainly say no for myself tho.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not doing anything with information about someone's math grade?

🐟

^ so i can find this.

I 17M am in a pretty unstable friend group. There is a LOT of drama and infighting. The main characters involved here, nicknames for anonymity's sake, are Coke (17m), Pepsi(17m), and Fanta(16NB). I am estranged from and do not generally talk to or associate with Coke or Pepsi, though i am pleasant and quiet around my distaste for Pepsi, and not around coke.

Coke, Pepsi, and I, are all seniors, and all take the same math course, though are in different class periods. And so we all had the same final cumulative project, and were all told the same final deadline. It was of course a massive part of our grade, more so than the final exam. The teacher mentioned to us that they had had a student who had come to them crying and sobbing about how they forgot to hit submit, how they needed to pass the class, etc- something the teacher had made very clear would not help fix a grade. If you did not turn in the project, they could not help you. I later find out that it was Coke who hadn't submitted the assignment.

A few days later, Fanta and i are talking to Pepsi during a lunch period outside of our class. During finals, so only two days left in the semester. Discussing the drama within the group, and what we think of the various controversies. And so i learn that Pepsi and Coke had recently fallen out again. And Pepsi very cautiously tells us that he had sabotaged Coke's grade by unsubmitting the assignment.

To be clear, i hate Coke. He has told me to off myself, and compared me, intentionally, to my abusers. He continues to spread cruel rumors about me.

But... that project was a massive part of our grade. In a math class, which is required for graduation, and required for college applications and certain scholarship programs. To sabotage him so wholly... it's appalling. It's cruel. In theory, this could ruin Coke's whole future- only in theory, as from what I've heard it's been resolved, because Coke is rich and white and has the resources to fight it with the school.

To be completely clear- i do not approve of what Pepsi did. It's disgusting and cruel.

But... i had two days of opportunity to try and alert the teacher to the foul play. I don't know if it would have made a difference. I don't think it could have. But i did nothing. Fanta also did nothing. We just sat by. Am i the asshole for that, for not saying anything, not getting involved?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[robininthelabyrinth]

Remember in your AU "Fire and Light," Wen Zhuliu tries to sabotage Wen Chao's stay at the Cloud Recesses by exposing him to every creepy thing and vice possible? And NMJ and the Lans swoop in to save the day! This time - it's canon verse, and Lan Qiren finds out Bad Things Are Afoot and goes on the war path over it, taking Wen Chao under his wing in the process!

ao3

“My ear still hurts,” Wen Chao grumbled, rubbing it for the fourth or fifth time as if he were trying to play for sympathy. “I can’t believe you dragged me out of there by the ear –”

“If you think your ear hurts, you should wait until you get a taste of our sect discipline,” Lan Qiren said dryly, and watched as Wen Chao’s eyes went wide with disbelief. As he’d suspected, Wen Chao was definitely among the young men that had snuck over to the Lan sect’s Discipline Hall in order to watch others receive their punishment.

“You can’t be serious!” he exclaimed. “You’re not going to let those beasts smack me with rods! You’re going to assign me to – to copy lines – or –”

“Why would I do that? Serious infractions deserve serious reprisals.”

“But – but – my father –”

“Sect Leader Wen may be an indulgent parent –” Absent is more like it. “– but he respects discipline. If he sent you to be a student under my care, he entrusted you to me in all matters, and that includes correcting your conduct.”

“But…” Wen Chao’s eyes flickered from side to side wildly. “But…”

“Have you never been disciplined?” Lan Qiren asked, genuinely curious, and a little bewildered. Even the usually well-behaved Lan Wangji had spent time in the Discipline Hall, kneeling in repentance or receiving a few strikes as appropriate – he’d never known a student that hadn’t been given a few smacks for youthful impertinence. But the way Wen Chao was acting, it was as if he’d only ever seen it from a distance, never experienced it, and thought it far worse than it really was.

“My mother would never permit it!”

Ah, and there was the truth of it, wasn’t it? The second Madame Wen…she probably thought she was protecting her son from harm, when in fact she was spoiling him rotten.

Lan Qiren shook his head.

Still, Wen Chao wouldn’t be the first young brat with overly indulgent parents that Lan Qiren had taught – yet in comparison, his behavior was infinitely worse. Some teachers might ascribe it simply to Wen sect arrogance, which was said to come as naturally to them as breathing, but Lan Qiren didn’t think so – there was something else going on here.

For instance…

“How did you even find such a place as this?” he asked, frowning and reaching up to tug his beard. “You have not even been at the Cloud Recesses for a full half-month, and this is your first excursion – how could you find your way here?”

Wen Chao scoffed. “As if it’s hard to find a gaming house in any city!”

Lan Qiren arched his eyebrows. “This is not a gaming house.”

Wen Chao faltered. “It – fine, it’s not a gaming house, it’s a brothel. But –”

“It is not a brothel, either.”

Now Wen Chao looked extremely confused. As Lan Qiren had suspected, he didn’t know the nature of the place he’d been visiting in the slightest – and that, of course, meant that he hadn’t found it on his own.

“I found you there myself,” he pointed out, in case Wen Chao had forgotten the scene of being dragged out by his ear. It was always possible with adolescents; he’d learned to his regret never to doubt the questionable nature of their short-term memory. “Do you think that I would visit a brothel or a gaming house?”

“I – uh – that is – there are many – many hypocritical…” Wen Chao trailed off, apparently unable to actually complete the accusation even to himself. “…actually, why were you there, Teacher Lan?”

“I was buying medicinal ingredients that are difficult to locate locally,” Lan Qiren said mildly. “Why else would I visit a drug importer?”

“A drug–” Wen Chao looked horrified. “I wasn’t going there for that, Teacher Lan!”

“Yet that was what I heard you asking for while you were in there.”

In fact, Wen Chao been using the slang parlance common to such transactions, and he’d been asking for some pretty strong stuff, too, some of which was only useful for wretched business. If Lan Qiren didn’t know that Wen Chao was a fourteen-year-old currently residing in the Cloud Recesses, carefully watched over, that list of requests would have made him think that Wen Chao was planning to kidnap and rape some poor woman.

Others might have thought so, but they hadn’t had the dubious pleasure of grading Wen Chao’s papers. Lan Qiren was quite certain that Wen Chao, while spoiled rotten and rather nasty with it, had neither the genuine malice nor the creativity for such a thing.

Which meant that the impression of wickedness was intentional.

“Why did you think it was a gaming house?” he asked. “Did someone tell you?”

“I – I mean – he said– well, he didn’t say – it’s not – it was supposed to be a password –”

“Who told you the password?”

Wen Chao crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. “I’m not saying!”

Lan Qiren frowned thoughtfully to himself. It was someone the boy trusted, then – how insidious.

And it really was insidious: the drug importer was a relatively respectable one, as such things went, but like everyone else in that type of business it was still a snake, willing to do everything and anything to chip out an advantage. Even if no one had seen Wen Chao in there, trying to make the ‘purchase’ he’d asked for, the merchant himself would have ensured that the news was spread. It would stain Wen Chao’s reputation…stain, but not ruin; given Wen Chao’s age, that reckless and impetuous youth, it would be easy enough for him to play it off as if he’d been dared to do it by some other boy.

No, the ruin would only come if he was found to have actually used the drugs on someone…

“Do you want to be punished?” he asked.

Wen Chao went white, but pressed his lips together tightly. “I’m still not saying!”

Admirable enough, as such things went. There was still hope for the boy.

“I am not seeking to force you to speak,” Lan Qiren clarified, and he wasn’t, genuinely. If he wanted to do that, or to find an answer to his question, there were better ways to go about it. No, right now, he had loftier aims: saving the boy from himself, and from whoever was plotting against him. “Your actions are deplorable, and you must be punished for them. However, the grade of the punishment can vary depending on the circumstances…I propose a wager.”

Wen Chao blinked, taken aback, and then a moment later his eyes brightened. Unsurprising, if he’d already been introduced to gaming houses; it was too easy for a child to pick up a taste for gambling, and easier still to lure them into playing more than they should. Perhaps whoever was currently scheming Wen Chao’s ruin had also been the one to introduce him to the gambling dens – it would be pleasantly ironic to use that very quality to defeat them.

“You want to bet on something?” Wen Chao asked, a little skeptically. “You?”

“There is no prohibition against wagers in our sect rules,” Lan Qiren said, voice dry. People tended to think that there was, including some people in his sect, and they were always so appalled to belatedly figure it out…typically after losing a great deal of money and often enough their dignity as well. “I am willing to wager on the terms of your punishment. If you win, you can reduce the severity significantly.”

Wen Chao looked even more enthusiastic at that.

“All right,” he said, bouncing a little. “I’m listening. What’s the bet? And what do I have to pay if I lose?”

At least Wen Chao was still cognizant enough to ask that question.

“If you lose, I want the name of the person who told you about that place,” Lan Qiren said, and Wen Chao scowled. “But if you guarantee that you will serve out whatever terms of punishment are ultimately imposed upon you willingly, I will also guarantee that if you lose, and the individual in question is one of your people, you will need to approve what happens to them before discipline is applied.”

Wen Chao pretended to think about it, but his face was too expressive – it was clear that they were one of his people, and that he thought that Lan Qiren’s promise was foolish. For him, it must seem like a no-lose situation; after all, he could always refuse to impose any punishment, or insist on punishment so minor as to barely be a censure, even if he did ultimately reveal the name.

“All right,” Wen Chao said, and smiled. “Then I’m in.”

Lan Qiren nodded. “Then let me tell you the terms…”

If the person behind this acted as Lan Qiren expected, Wen Chao would soon find himself waking up with a girl in his bed and a raging fire in his body – and then, regardless of what he actually did, when that was revealed, his reputation would be ruined once and for all. No matter what he did in the future, the cultivation world would always remember him first and foremost as an abusive waste. He would not only be humiliated, but unable to recover from that humiliation, leaving him no way out, and from there he would sink into despair, more than likely to simply give in and accept his fate, becoming a waste in truth.

But if Wen Chao abided by the terms Lan Qiren set out, they would be able to prevent that disaster from taking place, and Wen Chao would see with his own eyes that whoever it was that he trusted and sought to protect was betraying him and trying to harm him. After that, ensuring that Wen Chao gave his consent for the culprit to be punished would be easy enough and then Wen Chao would have to willingly serve his own punishment, finally learning something…and when that was done, maybe he could finally start improving and making something genuine out of himself.

Lan Qiren would make sure of it.

Wen Chao was Lan Qiren’s student, after all. Didn’t he have a reputation to protect?

#mdzs #lan qiren #wen chao #my fic #my fics #still reposting stuff I wrote but never posted #while I work on the Megafic #or work on actual RL work instead of the Megafic because life under capitalism is cruel

[twistiraki]

Cinderella and the jealous co-star

‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗ TᗯIᔕTEᗪ ᗯOᑎᗪEᖇᒪᗩᑎᗪ Pairing Jealous!Ace x F!Reader Warnings None ‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗

Y/N had landed the lead role of Cinderella in the school play, and she couldn't be more excited. She had always loved the story of the fairy tale princess, and now she had the chance to bring her to life on stage. As the day of the performance drew closer, she practiced her lines and songs with her co-stars.

"Okay, let's run through the opening scene again," Vil said, clapping his hands. He was chosen to be the director of the play. "Y/N, you'll enter from stage right, and Ruggie, you'll be playing the fairy godmother."

Ruggie grinned, holding up his wand. "Bippity boppity boo, Cinderella, I choose you!"

The other roles were assigned to various students: Trey as the wicked stepmother, Azul and Floyd as the stepsisters, and Leona as the prince. Y/N was impressed by how well everyone was doing, even the stepsisters, who had to wear ridiculous costumes and wigs.

As the rehearsals went on, Y/N noticed that one of her co-stars, Ace, was acting strange. Ace had been cast as one of the mice, but he kept staring at Y/N during the scenes. Y/N thought it was just nerves, but as the dress rehearsal approached, she noticed that Ace was getting more and more jealous of Leona.

On the night of the performance, Y/N was backstage, putting on her glass slippers, when Ace approached her. "Hey, Y/N," he said, nervously fidgeting his tail. "I just wanted to say... break a leg out there."

Y/N smiled, not sensing anything amiss. "Thanks, Ace. You're going to do great too."

As Y/N took the stage, she couldn't help but feel nervous. She didn't know what to expect. But as soon as she started singing, she felt the nervousness fade away. She let herself get lost in the music and the story of Cinderella.

But then, something unexpected happened. The stage was suddenly filled with bubbles. The audience gasped as they watched the bubbles float around the stage, some of them popping and sending soap suds flying in all directions. Y/N looked around in confusion, trying to figure out what was going on.

Then, she saw Ace, standing off to the side with a bubble machine in his hands. He looked mortified.

"I'm sorry, Y/N!" he called out over the sound of the bubbles. "I just... I couldn't help myself. ."

Y/N couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation. She walked over to Ace, her glass slippers slipping on the soap suds. "You're ridiculous," she said, grinning at him.

Ace grinned back, his cheeks turning pink. "I know, but... I couldn't stand seeing you with Leona. I... I really like you, Y/N."

Y/N felt her own cheeks heat up. She had to admit, she felt the same way. "I like you too, Ace. But... you can't just go around sabotaging things."

Ace nodded, looking sheepish. "I know, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you somehow."

Y/N grinned. "You don't have to. This is definitely a performance to remember."

The rest of the play went off without a hitch, and Y/N couldn't help but feel grateful for the unexpected turn of events. After the final bow, Ace came up to her, holding a bouquet of roses.

"I hope you'll forgive me," he said, holding out the flowers.

Y/N took the roses, smiling. "Of course I forgive you. I'm just glad we can still be friends... and maybe more."

Ace grinned, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Definitely more," he said, before walking away.

Y/N watched him go, feeling her heart race. She couldn't wait to see where this unexpected romance would take her. And who knew? Maybe they could even star in a play together someday... without any soap suds and sabotage involved.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland fanfiction #twst fanfiction #fanfiction #ace trappola #ace trappola x reader #ace x reader #fluff #jealous!ace #I played Cinderella too in my high school performance!! <3 #Ace was not jealous of the prince then though ; - ;

[terrence-silver]

Hi Bea! I have a scenario. What if Beloved hated Kim Da Eun? Kim’s attitude towards Terry, all this bossing him around and demanding that Terry proves he is good enough for the way of the fist is super annoying. What if Beloved gets pissed seeing this and decides no one will treat their boyfriend this way? So Beloved comes up with a plan. They try to make friends with Da Eun, offering they will show her LA (Da Eun needs somebody to show her all the cool places), asking her for Karate lessons (“just some basic moves? You know just to be able to defend myself if I need to”) and doing everything to gain her trust hoping sensei Kim will finally show some chinks in her armor. Even if Da Eun doesn’t open up about herself Beloved may try to spread rumors about her and say things that will make sensei Kim seem less competent (something like “Terry is always so serious about Karate and the whole healthy lifestyle, you know training every day, going to bed early, having good sleep and clean diet but Kim is just the coolest person, we went to a party yesterday and we came back at 4 in the morning” said at some event, meant of course as a compliment). Beloved starts coming to the dojo more frequently (to see Terry of course) and while they’re there they always say something that undermines Kim’s authority in the eyes of the students (not openly, but some innocent questions like “are you sure this will help us win? I’m sorry for asking, I just care for Cobra Kai so much I want you guys to choose the best tactics for the tournament”). Beloved may even recruit some of Terry’s staff, like Carla and Amber (I imagine sensei Kim isn’t very popular among Terry’s employees) to spy on Da Eun. Terry’s reaction when he realizes what is happening?

---

I mean, we validly don't have enough information and the show hasn't done nearly enough exploration on Kim Da Eun's personality for us to know the definitive answers to this character sadly, so way too much is left to interpretation, and that's literally the opposite of good for any quite literally character anywhere. We do know Terry would be oddly proud (and turned on), where the petty scheming on beloved's part is concerned, but more so on the fact that they're so adamant and devoted in silently defending him and his authority. He could even see it as a proof of their love for him, outright.

But Kim Da Eun? How would she react to being besmirched? Sabotaged?

Hard to tell.

I have no concrete answers, and as such, I have to go out of my way here and headcanon that a lot of her icy, steely exterior hides staggering amounts of insecurity and that continued implications that she maybe only vaguely isn't as disciplined, dedicated, strict on herself or meticulously Spartan with her lifestyle might just lead her to firmly over-justifying herself, that that in fact, isn't true. Like, the sole accusation that could ever hurt Kim Da Eun is the implication that she isn't loyal enough to her own craft and lifestyle, which digs up old fears that stem from way back in the time her despotic and doubtlessly strictly traditional grandfather maybe didn't think a girl was good enough to train The Way, or hey, maybe he had no firm gender biases, but this mentality of doing right by one's body, spirit and mind through living healthy, living right and living a life for discipline and continued training was drilled into Da Eun to the point any notion she is straying from that path even in by the slightest is enough to create...like the tiniest crack in her otherwise iron resolve. Of course, she'll merely raise a petulant eyebrow questioningly at being accused at having a little more to drink than Sensei should and she seems otherwise unfettered, cold and haughty, but inside, she's burning up, because she feels she failed herself somehow through the mere fact someone dares to imply such rubbish.

#kim da eun #terry silver #cobra kai #terry silver x reader #terry silver x beloved #cobra kai season 5 #the fist #they really should've characterized kim da eun a bit more

[the-healing-mindset]

Personal story. For about the past 2.5 years, much of what I had come to know in my life just fell apart. All of it. Family members minimized to relatives. Supposed mentors recognized as the hollow individuals they always were. An inadequate social environment. And then there was me. Lost in the throes of it all. Not to mention dealing with a school that didn’t even value its students and weighed down by the financial burden that comes with attending university.

As things fell apart around me, I pressed forward. I saw what was happening, but there was this drive within me that just kept me going. Not to say that it wasn’t hard, because it was. But there were days (and there still are days) where I wanted to do something different. I wanted it to be easier. I saw all the fun that those around me were having, and I wanted in. Thus it began. I slowly crept away from myself. I slowly crept away from all that I had done. I was losing myself.

All that I had accomplished. All the success that I had built for myself while no one else was around. All the enthusiasm and enjoyment from my past. All the potential that came from my hard work and experience. All the excellence. I found myself wanting to give it up. Because there was no one else around, and because I found much of my life starting to deteriorate, I started to give up. I found myself waving the white flag and looking for an escape. Looking for someone to save me.

There was no escape; however, nor did anyone come to save me. I did receive help though. Guidance. Sometimes this guidance came in the form of people who very much did seem as if they were there to save me, but after all the disappointment that I had been surrounded by, I knew that this likely was not true. I’m not saying that external rescue isn’t possible, I just knew that it wasn’t going to happen for me at the time. Other times, this guidance came through reading certain material, or through watching certain videos. This guidance showed me that I was indeed, gone. I know - not the outcome that you were probably expecting.

I became upset with myself. Looking for something or someone to blame. No one was particularly at fault though. Much of this just happened as it did, which is just a part of life. In the end, I just followed the guidance. Each individual message - though I had to be open to receiving them - showed me that I was way off course. Because I found much of my life falling apart, many of the things that I had known undergoing their natural exits from my life, I developed a self-sabotaging attitude. “If things are this bad, I may as well make them worse.”

Digging deeper, I found that this was not me. This was not a thought process that I had developed on my own, yet it was one that I had adopted from years of having been misled. I found that each time things started to get difficult in my life, I always sought an escape. For me, despite all that I had accomplished up to that point in my life, the loneliness proved to be too much. When everyone else walked out on me, I walked out on myself. Abandoning the only person who could really do the needed work and help out.

Wrapping up, don’t give up on yourself. There will times where you will feel all alone. Times where it will seem like all hope is lost. It isn’t though. There are just some habits that need to be unlearned and replaced with useful skills. Skills that will help you keep yourself together when things get rough. Some people have the opportunity to develop these skills early on in life while others may have grown up in an environment that did not permit this as they always had to be in survival mode. Always reacting. But that’s okay. Knowledge is power, and you have the power to make the necessary adjustments to live a better life.

#personal story #personal #life #living #a look into my life

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello! I'm 25 at the moment and I'm at the brink of giving up on finding my enneagram. For the last 5 years I read every book about enneagram I could find, I observed myself endlessly but still nothing.

Types I'm considering are 9,1,2 and 6.

First, 9. My goal is to feel cozy and comfortable all the time and I give in to pleasures without feeling guilty. <- strong sp

What you describe as 9 actually isn't 9 at all. It's the social instinct and procrastination (anyone can do it) and general positivity (probably your 2 wing).

Yet, I have way stronger opinions and attitudes than any 9 I know. I have a moral opinion on EVERYTHING. There's non of that "its okay" with me. Recently someone said that it's none of your business to help someone who's struggling with self harming and it pissed me off. Like, of course you should help, its your duty to help. That seems like 1 to me. I'm also highly perfectionistic, I have exact image how I want my life to be like and who I want in it and I just discard anyone who doesn't fit in that image. The person I'm going to marry has to be perfect by my standards. Even though I'm 25 I have never been with anyone because nobody ever lived up to my expectations and its not right to jump into relationships.

This sounds core 1w2. Perfectionism, frustration, and rejection. 9w1s side-eye things they disagree with and go along with it; 1s put down their foot and moralize about it.

Everything I do has to be perfect of I won't do it. I started to learn crochet recently and it took me 2 months to make a simple blanket for my cat because it needed to be perfect. And you can apply that to any area of my life

The core pain of being a 1 -- rigid with yourself and self-sabotaging because it has to be "just right."

But, like I said before I give in to pleasures like eating, sleeping and buying things that make me happy without any remorse or guilt. I suffer a lot from guilt for bad things I did in my life like lying and manipulation (I did a lot if that when I was younger) but not for making myself happy.

2s don't feel guilty for their well-deserved luxuries; if others will not pamper and indulge them, they will do it themselves -- they have earned it!

2 I see in my need to help others but also in anger when they don't express gratitude for what I have done. I work as a student and my boss needed someone for next shift and I immediately offered to stay whole day at work (its a hard job but I would do it just to please her). She said students can only work 6 hours a day so I could not stay but then I did everything I could to find someone. I called everyone I know and I did find someone. When I was leaving my boss didn't even say thank you and I was angry for it. Is that 2? I did this for you and you should express love to me for it.

This is 2ish, yes. But could also be a 1w2 thing, because this is the right and responsible thing to do and people aren't appreciating it. Think about what motivated it.

I don't do much meddling because I'm super introverted but I do nudge people in "right direction" because I always have an opinion on what should they do.

The RIGHT DIRECTION is very obvious to 1w2s...

Also, I constantly do things I don't want to do just because I think I should. Even though I find cats very annoying (I love cats but they are bothersome) I still saved 2 of them and take care of them the best I can, I gave my entire savings to my mother when she needed money etc.

How dare you find feline overlords bothersome. :P But yes, this is virtue whether you feel like it or not -- fits 1w2.

But I'm also very emotionally distant and rational for a 2.

That's cuz you're a 1. 1w2s are less emotional than core 2s.

2s always berate me for not reaching out. I will literally disappear for days, just reading books at home without any need to interact with others. And if someone has a problem my reaction is always to give them rational advice on how to solve a problem rather than give emotional comfort, 2s do opposite right?

sp/so, introversion, and 1w2. Might also be ITJ.

6 I see the least but Im highly anxious, always thinking about what could go wrong and what will I do if that happens. I need support system badly and others to tell me what is correct thing to do.

Probably a 6 fix.

I don't think so/sp is right, but I'm not super great with instincts yet. You seem more self-contained and distant.

#question #enneagram #enneagram 1

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Good morning and happy Tuesday to all my bookish bats, dragons, and babes! I hope today is filled with amazing new stories, releases, and BIG book hauls!

❓ #QOTD What book release are you most looking forward to at the moment? ❓

💜 I've gushed about you wonderful book bats before, and I'll do it again without hesitation: the booklr/bookstagram community is AMAZING. I've spoken to so many passionate readers about beloved series, auto-buy authors, and OF COURSE black cats since starting this account. Though my growth is small, the support and heart here are HUGE.

⚖️ One of my all-time fave accounts—an account I can NEVER get enough of on my feed—is @thatbookishlawyer on Insta (Mani)! The moment you visit her feed, you're surrounded by stunning book photos, great recommendations, and above all else, a passion for books. Mani is best known for her relatable reels, which ALWAYS manage to make me smirk or laugh (a real feat) at the least opportune times (with all the spicy-sweet books we read, there's really a time and place for Booksta). Regardless of what she has going on, Mani is sweet, inviting, and engaging.

🐈‍⬛ Thank you so much for sending me a copy of The Henna Wars by award-winning author Adiba Jaigirdar (@dibs_j on Insta). This book feels like the perfect post-Ramadan/Eid read. Growing up, I never saw queer Muslims like myself in literature or on-screen. Nominated for the Goodreads Best Young Adult Fiction in 2020, The Henna Wars is exactly what I searched for on shelves growing up. I'm delighted, inspired, and above all else grateful. Thank you Adiba Jaigirdar for penning this story and Mani for sending it my way! #CleoCatra and I have a lot of reading to do!

💜 Sending love to all the readers who have made this corner of social media feel like home. I hope you have an amazing day!

📖 The Henna Wars: When Dimple Met Rishi meets Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda in this rom-com about two teen girls with rival henna businesses. When Nishat comes out to her parents, they say she can be anyone she wants—as long as she isn’t herself. Because Muslim girls aren’t lesbians. Nishat doesn’t want to hide who she is, but she also doesn’t want to lose her relationship with her family. And her life only gets harder once a childhood friend walks back into her life. Flávia is beautiful and charismatic and Nishat falls for her instantly. But when a school competition invites students to create their own businesses, both Flávia and Nishat choose to do henna, even though Flávia is appropriating Nishat’s culture. Amidst sabotage and school stress, their lives get more tangled—but Nishat can’t quite get rid of her crush on Flávia, and realizes there might be more to her than she realized.

#cats and books #books and cats #arab american heritage month #muslim writers #books #book: the henna wars #author: adiba jaigirdar #arab americans #batty about books #battyaboutbooks

[neuropsychstudies]

Hi.

I started this blog long time ago and I started forgetting about it…I’m a third year undergrad student now with some early specialization courses in neuropsychology.

Stressed about many things: self sabotage, internship and applying for grad school.

I don’t think this blog will ever be the most aesthetically present the only time I take pics of myself studying is when I get the BeReal alert.

I’ll be more active now…this isn’t just an accountability blog I wanna be able to express when I feel frustrated or tired and happy or proud.

#psych studyblr #studyblr #neuropsychology #neuropsychstudyblr #neurostudyblr #diary

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi there! I hope you are doing well and safe. I was wondering if I could request and have a romantic match-up with a male Mystic Messenger character except for Yoosung and Vanderwood. Don't get me wrong, I like the two of them, but I do not see them in a romantic way. I really like your writing and analysis, so I am quite curious about which character you think would suit me the best. Please take your time doing mine if you have got a lot on your plate. >//<

I will begin with the basics. I am a consistent honor roll undergraduate student and a scholar in one of the top universities in my homeland, currently taking up a pre-law course. My zodiac sign is Libra, and until now, I am skeptical about my MBTI and enneagram results, so I will not mention it. As for my outward appearance, I would say I am average looking with a short height and a petite figure. My clothing style is hyperfeminine because I love pink, hair barrettes, ribbons, jewelry, and high heels, but I only present myself like that when I feel secure and comfortable with who I am with, otherwise I opted to dress up cozy and casual for my safety. I have friends, who are usually the leaders or the top students in my class, but I find myself struggling to maintain close relationships because I do not like interacting too much with others, so we eventually drift apart from each other. I never had a boyfriend or engage in any casual dating because aside from it being too much of a bother, I am quite reluctant to let anyone enter my private space and inner peace.

Proceeding with my personality, I am a routine-oriented homebody who enjoys being around familiar people and places and staying in my cozy private space doing my own thing and a career-oriented individual who has a tad of perfectionist tendencies and is conscientious when it comes to my goals and responsibilities. However, I am an idler and indifferent on matters I am not interested in. I am also quiet, restrained, conscious, and reserved with strangers and people I do not vibe with but very understanding, carefree, bubbly, chatty, expressive, affectionate, and humorous with my friends and other people I like. I unconsciously become ignorant of my surroundings once I found a person I like talking to or being with because my whole attention tends to only focus on them.

One of my negative traits is that I am a chronic people-pleaser who has self-sabotaging tendencies. I learned in my childhood to make myself low-maintenance, so I would not be a bother, put a burden on anyone, or make things worse. I have many moments where I please others just to fit in or not to be left out during situations I should not be. However, I am now trying to fix it myself, lol. I have already established healthy boundaries, asked others for help, and taken a risky step despite my fear and self-doubt, which is studying law. It is my childhood dream, after all.

In terms of hobbies, interests, and dislikes, I love reading fictional novels, especially the romance genre, gaming, especially MOBA and simulation games, listening to music, plushies, docile cats, and having out-of-nowhere insightful and meaningful conversations. Since I have a cold intolerance, I like wrapping myself in a warm and thick blanket. Once in a while travels are good too as long as there is a plan because I am not fond of spontaneous outings in a place I do not know very well. I do not like messy things, dirty environments, nosy individuals, people who jeopardize group activities through their incompetence or laziness, and tardiness.

In a relationship, I prefer compassionate love, nurturing, and simply just being each other's safe haven, comfort, and rest in this tiring world over a passionate, whirlwind-type romance. Hmm, I am quite a private and low-key person as well, so I will like it if we both have hidden sides and many moments that we only know. My love languages are physical touch because I like cuddles, being hugged, like that big hug where I can bury myself on their chest or neck, and hugging people while caressing their hair, words of affirmation when I am comfortable telling what is on my mind, and surprisingly quality time. After all, once they enter my private space, I feel like I will absolutely love doing almost everything with them, even the simplest and most mundane things. In addition, my ideal type is someone who can protect, motivate and support me, bring out the best in me, and help me grow and become a better individual. Someone who is a good listener, devoted, trustworthy, and attentive, and I can rely on because I lack common sense sometimes. Lastly, someone who is at least knowledgeable about a lot of matters and topics and is willing to teach and assist me in learning them without making me feel stupid and incompetent.

I think I ended up telling too much, so I apologize if you find it lengthy to read. Thank you so much in advance!! ^^

I match you with...

Jumin!

You're the type of person who knows what you want in a conversation. That's what means the most to you in a relationship. You want the firm debate and chase that comes from having somebody who can keep up with you. Who better to do that than the one person in the RFA who wants the same out of a relationship? Jumin wants a partner who can start a conversation and flow naturally into the next one as if it were the back of hand. The two of you can truly spend hours getting lost in different discussions. It may seem silly to others but to you and Jumin, it's a relief. It's hard to find someone who gets it.

He can bring you a side of you that gets to relax and speak your mind without fail. You don't have to worry if you're with him. He knows what you mean when you share it and he divides your time to figure out the best way to help you decipher what makes the object of your conversation tick. Even if you don't get what he's getting at when he speaks, you'll be affirmed by him every time in knowing that he wants to help you understand what's going on and how to apply your opinion to it. How could you not love someone who wants to put his time and effort into seeing you learn more about the world and gain insight and opinions that weren't readily available to you yet?

The only difference you have is love language. His love language is acts of service and gift giving. But, yours is touch. He learns how to appreciate a warm hug when he returns home from work after a long and grueling day, and you learn how to let go of the unease you may harbor over being taken care of in a world where you might value your ability to take care of your own needs. He plans ahead and learns the best way to be your husband and you get to see how committed a person can become to doing the right thing by their lover. What more could you want in life than knowing that you always have someone to turn to that will never let you down? Or, for that matter, stop fighting for you and your heart.

#ask #anon #mod kait #matchup

[ambientsoundtrackfan]

I have the most paranoid cycle in my courses: I procrastinate (but am also moderately tired after getting off work) during the week and then freak out over turning in my homeworks (that are worth 20%) of my grade and by Sunday I'm always in a state of defeat but then I feel terrible like when/if I go see my professor they will deeply judge me for not turning in homeworks or personally disliking me?

I'm writing this here because I'm stopping this pattern, I'm calling myself out this is super dysfunctional thinking and it totally eats away at my time management (allotting time to be paranoid is very taxing) and also I work helping people and even on a wednesday on finals week I've never cared/judged them (there might not be anything I can do for them but I don't hate them, I barely know them)

and I know my brain is trying to sabotage me because in the grand scheme of things I think I could probably turn these three homeworks in totally late and still get an A, but only if I don't let the mental illness control me. I have to look at the facts a) they barely know me, my professor even mentioned there are so many students he can't remember our names b) he's introverted himself and doesn't emotionally emote when you're talking to him so I highly doubt he's judging anyone c) even if he was judging me it doesn't matter because I'm taking this course and going to try as hard as possible his opinion doesn't matter at all

I just wanted to type this out so I can hear how crazy it sounds for personal reflection, but also I just want to say a couple years this little seed of unraveling might have tanked my entire summer but now that I'm older its here but every semester it gets smaller/less effective and for the past 3 semester's I've gotten 4.0s (and raised my terrible gpa up to a 3.5)

#me to me: no one hates you and if they hate you thats THEIR problem not yours!

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

what’s ur dream job

My dream job is "something that's like a combination of two of my other dream jobs -- but, unfortunately, all three of these things are real jobs I've done, albeit in different fields than I expect my new job to be."

(1) I've said this before but I'm a huge, crazy, nerd love-obsessed fan of the Iliad. Even as a grad student in English I couldn't bring myself to take on Homer as a thesis topic, but I couldn't stop myself from reading it, either, and I wrote a very long paper in college about what I found "interesting" in the Iliad (that is, what made me feel as though I were having some sort of intense visionary experience as I read it), because it seemed like that would produce new insights about what Iliad was "for" and what its "message" might be. It's an area of research I'm very interested in.

(2) I'm fascinated by weird non-Western religions. In college, I got an internship to work on a book about Christianity in Papua New Guinea, which I would have taken on even if I hadn't also been taking a course called "Globalization and Christianity," which I would have needed to take even if I weren't going to a conference that was discussing issues of "cross-cultural comparative research in Christianity." In addition to being a cool project, this course seemed to be teaching me that I might have a chance to do "globalized Christianity" research without needing a dissertation on "the Iliad of Christ," and that might be an extremely interesting career goal.

(3) This one comes up in grad school less often (since grad school is a self-sabotaging enterprise for me) but when I do run into it, I'm fascinated by some aspects of what I do as a data scientist -- the "systems thinking" necessary to interpret results from a statistical regression (e.g. identifying relationships between variables), the "machine learning" necessary to produce models that behave like the kind of statistical regression one is interested in running, the "model building" necessary to get such models to do the things one wants. There's a kind of magic to it to me.

#wulfwoo

[highpri3stess]

Hello Mon Mon~~ I was busy the past few days soo... I am sorry for not showing up... But the whole week was such a chaotic one...

So basically, I became a lawyer, a psychologist, a businesswoman, a class adviser???? a therapist, an artist, a debater, and a single mother of freshman college students who made me their personal all of the above jobs that was mentioned... And somehow all of them are sooo clingy like djksfhjksjsdk I realized that I am better parent than my own parents.....

The context:

So I am selling my products (as usual) when suddenly I saw my favorite set of juniors (The First years) who were about 3 years younger me. So as usual, I try to sell my gummies and baked goods to them and I still earn a lot from them alone. So while having a conversation with some of them, the two of my juniors who were near the chalk board suddenly came up to me and were like,

"Ma! She won't believe me when I said that her crush is such a red flag!"

And I was like: "Did you just call me Ma?"

"Oh my god Ate (it is an honorific in my country which can mean 'big sister' or someone who is older than you who is older than you...)! I am so so sorry! I did not mean to-"

"Finally! One of my children called me Ma! I am so happy."

And he was like: Oh you want me to keep calling you Ma?

Of course I do! Because Monica, I proclaimed myself their mother the moment I saw their batch... Same goes with the other school years... (The amount of Mommy issues that I have is showing in that very sentence)

So they already know about that mother title thingy 4 months ago and they were fine with it, but this is the first someone from them called me Ma so I was so happy.

And I was so happy and he was like a flustered baby! My son was so adorable like awww....

And he was like: O-oh okay-

And some of his classmates were like: "Jay is a Mama's Boy!!!"

And I told them, Nah... Stop teasing your younger brother and they giggled at that...

So time skip! It was break again, and after checking my other juniors, I checked up on their section and they saw me and they looked so distressed and I asked them: What is happening???? and I found out that one of the girls in one of the friend groups in their department actually backstabbed and sabotage their friend group and even screenshoted a private convo and showed it to someone... the fight was so big that most of their class was so affected.

And I told them that what she did was illegal because according to a certain privacy act, you are not allowed to screenshot a pm without the permission of the other person that you are messaging... so I became a lawyer for a second there-

And somehow, they can't decide on how they were suppose to handle their Christmas party, so I became their class adviser and I even held an open forum so they can petition the issues inside their class.....

And somehow along the way with that- I became a therapist- some started talking about family problems, some wanted relationship advise, and a few issues in the room... and it was so chaotic, sad, funny, all emotions all at once...

Someone even opened up about being groomed, someone opened up that her father held their mother at gunpoint wile arguing, someone even cried... And I am so so glad that I am doing this mother title thing... I was able to took care all these people who had broken childhoods and dead inner children...

You're literally an amazing parent person! Literally! I legit admire you. I'm so happy your juniors have an older person they can look up to. And that situation with the girls was genius! Your week is interesting as hell. This is so beautiful!

I hope you take care of yourself too! At least we know that bad parenting didn't break you and that's beautiful asf.

Also the boy that called you 'Ma' I almost teared up. He sounds like such a sweetheart istg 🥺🥺

#found family irl #you're so lucky and i'm proud of you #moots ♡ #but take care of yourself too okay?

[ellie-e-marcovitz]

Year 1, chapter 9

Finding Ice

The day of the final quidditch match dawned cool, but warmed enough that most of the student body had decided to break out their muggle clothes. There were a good mix of t-shirt, shorts, and sundresses among the student body, and even uniforms were stripped down among those who weren’t.

We were, admittedly, the odd ones out. Rowan had gone with her whole uniform, and had even added a jumper under her robes. I wasn’t much different, just without the extra jumper, but with my scarf in pocket. I’d almost grabbed my knit cap, but decided against it.

The ambient energy in the Great Hall was electric, everyone ready for a match-up between the two most popular houses, and the promise of a exciting match.

At 10 ‘o clock, as the majority of the student body exited towards the quidditch pitch in high spirits, Penny hurried towards us as we made our way to the main staircase, clutching her bag. I had mine as well, carrying two of the bottles of sleeping draught.

“The potions are ready!” she cheered in a hushed whisper, almost drowned out by the chatter behind us. Rowan and I shared a look.

“Let’s hurry,” I quietly implored, nervous. Penny seemed to pick up on it.

“Let’s,” she agreed. “While Filch is patrolling the castle.”

We hurried up, briefly catching a glimpse of Peeves swooping through a door, clutching armfuls of unknown objects.

Picking up pace, something had me send Penny and Rowan ahead to the fifth floor. With good reason. Somehow, Filch missed them and instead stopped me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Filch demanded, stopping me in my tracks, his expression as suspicious as usual.

“Nowhere.” I shrugged, feeling my heart rate speed up. “Nowhere special. Nowhere that I’m not supposed to be.” I hated that I rambled some when I was nervous or having to lie.

Filch continued to eye me suspiciously. I swallowed, mainly to keep myself from blowing this before we started.

“You’re Jacob Marcovitz’s sister, aren’t you?”

“So what if I am?” I defiantly stared back, hoping Rowan and Penny were safe.

“Your brother was one of the nastiest little rule breakers this school has ever seen. Duncan Ashe might’ve been a close second. I was sad to see him expelled.”

That caught me by surprise, though it confused me too. “You were?”

“I was.” Filch confirmed. “I missed my chance to hang him from the ceiling by his wrists.”

I internally cringed. Though I also felt that wouldn’t’ve worked as well as Filch imagined. Marcovitz males (and Northrup guys as well) had a tendency of being rather tall. I suspected it was partly the American in us.

“Now I have a second chance with you.” I cringed further. That was a less than appealing image.

I jutted my chin. “I’m not like my brother, Mr. Filch.”

“You’re a liar, is what you are.” He snarled. “Mrs. Norris saw two Gryffindors lurking in a forbidden corridor. I’m guessin’ one of those Gryffindors was you.”

“I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about… There are a lot of Gryffindors…”

Filch scowled further. “You won’t be going anywhere without me an’ Mrs. Norris knowin’”

A lightbulb came on in my head. “Have you heard of Peeves, Mr. Filch?” I asked, knowing full well that he did. The encounter back in January said a lot. I hoped my nerve wouldn’t fail me at this point.

“Course I’ve heard of Peeves,” Filch grumbled, and I privately grinned. “Filthy little poltergeist has caused me more trouble than every student put together.” He eyed me suspiciously. “Why?”

I narrowed my eyes, daring him. “Because I heard him talking about sabotaging your office, along with the Defence professor’s.”

“How?” He seemed almost panicked at the thought.

“I heard him planning to set all the prank items you’ve confiscated to go off the next time you open your door, and using the rest on the Defence professor.” I shrugged. “Hope Mrs. Norris doesn’t get hurt.”

Filch continued to eye me suspiciously. “Now why would he do that?”

I shrugged again. “You know Peeves better than me, but I assumed it was because he’s fond of inciting mischief and unleashing chaos. And he hates you.” Another shrug. “Just a theory.”

“How do I know you aren’t lying?” he grumbled, squinty expression in place.

“You can think I’m lying, and take the chance that he ruins your office, and hurts Mrs. Norris…” I started. “Or… You can stand guard inside your office, so Peeves can’t get the best of you.” A tip of my shoulders, another shrug. “Your choice.”

“I hate that wretched little poltergeist…” Filch grumbled. “I can’t let him harm Mrs. Norris, and damage my office. I keep my favourite chains in there.” Another suspicious look. “If I find out that you’re lying about this, I’ll be using those chains ta hang you by your ankles…!”

He hurried off towards his office, and I breathed a sigh of relief as he disappeared. I hadn’t totally lied. Peeves had been cackling about the idea as we headed down to the Great Hall.

I hurried onto the fifth floor corridor, dodging several of said prank items, no doubt dropped by Peeves, and met up with Penny and Rowan. The cold didn’t help, and I pulled my robes tighter around me.

“This is so exciting!” Penny squealed softly, vibrating slightly on the spot. “I was wondering when I’d get to go on my first real Hogwarts adventure…!” I raised a finger to my lips, willing Penny to quiet down. I didn’t need anyone, or indeed anything to hear us.

We pulled one of the doors open, and I winced at the loud creaking noise, which seemed to echo down the corridor. Tentatively, we poked our heads in, and I bit back a groan. Mrs. Norris had been left to guard the door in Filch’s absence. We slipped in, shutting the door as quietly as we could, and huddled by the nearest plinth, the same one I’d hid behind last time.

“Is everyone ready?” I asked, keeping my voice low. I got twin nods from Penny and Rowan.

“I brought every potion I could imagine being helpful in this situation.” Penny added just as quietly, patting her school bag. I patted my own, reminding myself of the sleeping draught.

“I spent all last night studying maps of this section of the castle, and going over the plan, Ellie.” Rowan added quietly. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

I nodded in agreement, remembering the hushed conversation we’d carried all the way to curfew, and then some.

“I got Filch to stay in his office, with some trickery on my part, but we still need to hurry.” I noted, before an unpleasant thought hit. “Snape might return here at any minute.” I sighed. “Alright, here’s how we’ll do it: Penny, you’ll keep watch, make sure no one else is coming.” Penny nodded, and I turned to Rowan.

“Rowan, you’ll give Mrs. Norris the sleeping draught, while I,” I pointed to myself. “Cast Alohomora to unlock the door, once we find it.” Rowan seemed nervous, and I privately didn’t blame her. So many things could go wrong.

“I’ve read a lot of books, but none of them explain how to make a cat drink a potion…” Her hands clutched at her robes, a sure sign.

I grinned a little, feeling embarrassed. “I mixed it with some milk. During breakfast. Just- just pour it on the ground, and she should lap it up.” Rowan looked unconvinced as I handed her the correct bottle. The second one would be for emergency use.

We moved forward, Rowan clutching the bottle of sleeping draught mixed with milk. Me and Penny held our breath, as Rowan crept closer, carefully swirling the mixture. She came to a stop a few feet from where Mrs. Norris sat, and carefully poured out half of the milky concoction, before hurrying back to us.

Another look around, and I noticed cold mist seeping out from under the door where Mrs. Norris was keeping post.

“I imagined myself doing all sorts of things at Hogwarts,” Rowan commented in a breathless whisper. “But I never thought I’d be giving a cat a Sleeping Draught…”

We poked our heads around again. Clearly it smelled enough of milk to entice Mrs. Norris, who eagerly lapped it up before the effects took hold and she passed out.

“Yes!” hissed Rowan. “Brilliant plan, Ellie!”

“Thanks, Rowan…” I didn’t feel quite as confident as Rowan, who continued.

“If the wizarding doesn’t work out, you should really consider burglary…” The theme song from one of mum and dad’s favourite American telly shows, Mission Impossible, began playing in my head, before I shook it.

“Erm, thanks, Rowan. Let’s hurry and get inside the door, quick!”

Footsteps from the shadows had my nerves rattling, as we approached the door. I pulled my wand out, remembering the swish and flick. “Alohomora!” I muttered. The lock snapped open.

“Flipendo!” came Merula’s voice, smacking into Penny, and throwing her very nearly on top of Mrs. Norris, before I could make a shield. “Flipendo!” she shouted, this time smacking into Rowan.

I growled and resisted the urge to punch her. Another Flipendo smacked me in the back, and I barely avoided hitting the door with my head. “Oww…”

“Only an idiot like you would invite a Hufflepuff to keep watch, Marcovitz.” She taunted, a wide smile on her face. “I was wondering how to get past that nasty cat and unlock the door.” She continued. “Apparently, all I had to do wa follow you, and wait for you to do it for me.”

I balled a fist. I suspected Penny had hidden depths beneath her cheerful façade. I also hated being called an idiot. There had been enough of it in primary school.

Her expression turned into something that unnerved me, one I‘d only seen a couple of times before, while exploring muggle London. I t could be described as raving. Raving mad. “A Cursed Vault could be inside, and no one is going to reach the Cursed Vaults before me.”

She forced her way past us, still dazed on the ground. We pulled ourselves up, wincing, as the door behind us slammed shut, threatening to catch my hair in the process. The temperature in the corridor had definitely dropped already, and I was starting to see my breath.

“Have I mentioned how much I hate Merula?” Rowan groaned. I nodded, and wished for some of the healing potion I had stashed in my trunk.

“Are you alright, Penny?” I asked, knowing she caught the first one.

“I’ll be fine,” she promised, contrasting her statement with a groan. “I brought a Wiggenweld potion. What should we do, Ellie?”

I contemplated my options. “We need to stop her, and I want her to pay for hurting you guys and Ben. I can’t let her find the Cursed Vaults first. She could ruin any chance of finding my brother.” I felt my resolve form. She had to be stopped.

“And we don’t know what’s inside,” Rowan added. “What if it’s an all-powerful artefact? Can you imagine an all-powerful Merula?”

I shuddered at the mental image. “Either way, Merula’s gone too far. She has to pay. For everyone’s she’s hurt.”

“It sounds mad,” Rowan muttered. “But whatever you choose, Ellie, I’m right behind you.” I nodded, turning to Penny.

“Me too,” Penny agreed. “There won’t be enough healing potions in all of Hogwarts to help Merula when I’m finished with her.”

I gave a short nod. “Let’s go and see what’s inside this room…” I muttered, turning to face the door. Penny took a quick swing of potion, before tucking it back in her bag.

We pulled it open, and entered what could only be described as an icy hellscape. I suspected a small part of this could be found on another planet. “Merula?!” I gasped spotting her, but there was little urge to help. “What happened?!”

Rowan broke into chuckles, and I cracked a small grin. “This is too good…”

Ice covered every surface it could, and glowed with an unusual light, one that could only be magic itself.

“T-the ice s-st-stuck m-me t-t-to the fl-flo-floor, and k-ke-keeps sp-spreading over me.” She got out between chattering teeth, and there was a noticeably bluish tint to her skin.

I gulped, trying to keep the panic off my face. “It’s the same ice from my vision,” I muttered to Rowan. I noticed it was starting to cover the door again, covering up the patches of frost already decorating it.

Merula, of course, had to state the obvious, along with a threat. “It-It’s s-sp-spreading over the d-d-do-door too! G-get m-m-e out of t-this ice b-be-before I j-jinx the t-th-three of you!”

I doubted she would go through with it. She could hardly speak clearly, but she was unfortunately right about the door. A couple of fruitless tugs, my fingertips started to turn blue, and the temperature plunged again. The ice grew quicker, covering the door.

“Well, it’s frozen shut now.” I muttered, and I could almost hear the eyeroll given behind us. The ice was continuing to spread, and I barely managed to dodge some that seemed ready to ensnare me.

“Ellie!” Rowan shrieked, as some grabbed her. “Help!” Penny shrieked as well, the ice trapping them both.

“Hold on…” I tried to keep the growing panic out of my voice, but I knew it was escaping. I pulled out my wand. “Flipendo.”

Some ice broke off, before more grew in its place. “Flipendo!”

More broke off, even more appeared. I growled. “The ice is growing faster than I can destroy it. Is it cursed? FLIPENDO!” I shouted, and the ice at Rowan’s feet burst apart.  She flailed at the sudden release, before regaining her balance.

“D-don’t worry about me,” she chattered. “W-we have t-to help Penny…!” I nodded, reluctantly. We’d have to find some tea or cocoa after this. We turned to face Penny and her ice block. I cringed, noticing the growing blue-ish tint.

Rowan gave her wand a little flick. “This ice is stronger,” she noted. “Let’s cast Flipendo together!” I nodded in agreement.

“Flipendo!” we both shouted, focusing our energy on the block of ice. Two wands were clearly better than just the one. The block burst with a ‘crack’ that threatened to deafen us all.

“Thank you, Ellie, Rowan.” Penny gave a strong shiver, her teeth starting to chatter. “I-I was a-afraid I’d f-fr-freeze to death…”

A snarl erupted from Merula. “N-no one c-ca-cares about y-you!” she cried, the bluish tint growing. “S-so save m-m-me!”

I shared a look with Rowan and Penny. “Why? Why should we?” A very pitiful look appeared on Merula’s face. I sighed. “Fine.” I replied, my voice tight. “Everyone stand back…”

Both Penny and Rowan stepped closer to the door.  “This is going to hurt, Merula,” I warned, before raising my wand. Rowan raised hers as well, as did Penny.

“W-What are y-you t-ta-talking about?!” she started, her face contorting. “W-What are you g-going to do?!”

“Flipendo!” we all called, focusing our magic towards the base of the ice block.  Said ice block cracked, loudly, before sending Merula sprawling across the chilly, ice coated floor.

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Rowan snarked.

The shockwave also helped crack some of the ice over the door. Penny dove for her bag as I said, “We have to get out of this room…”

Both me and Rowan threw several Flipendos at it, cracking the ice some, but not enough for the thing to relent. We did make a hole, that was already slowly filling in.

Rowan faced me, panicked. “The door’s still stuck! What do we do, Ellie? The ice is spreading fast…” I honestly didn’t know what to do.

Thankfully, there was Penny.

“Aha! Found it!” she exclaimed, pulling a bottle out, and sloshing it a little. “I guess we’re about to find out if I can brew a Strengthening Solution…” She popped it open, before promptly chugging the contents. She placed both the cork and container back in her bag, and shuddering.

“Did it work?” I asked, unsure if it did anything. A roll of shoulder muscles and a shake of her body, I half-expected her to turn into the Incredible Hulk.

“We’re about to find out…” she confirmed, sounding breathless, before shattering the ice in a single pull of the door. The ice clattered to the floor almost musically, scattering into the corridor.

“You did it, Penny!” I cheered as Rowan paused in the doorway. “Let’s get out of here.”

I paused as well, Penny checking the corridor, something catching Rowan’s eye. “Wait, look at this!” Rowan, Penny, and I gathered around, leaving Merula to creep closer to the door.

“It looks like… Runes of some kind…” Penny noted and Rowan nodded.

“It’s definitely some kind of code.” Rowan agreed. “Looks like someone left a message in the ice…” Rowan patted her pockets, before groaning. “I wish I had something to write it down with.”

I patted my pockets as well, coming up similarly empty-handed.

“I have it memorised. Let’s get out of here.” Rowan noted. “Please?”

I nodded, and we hurried out, pushing the door closed behind us. My knees felt like jelly, and my stomach was threatening to rebel. Rowan slumped to the floor of the corridor, just barely missing a bench.

“We did it…” she groaned, folding herself over said bench. Penny was further down the corridor, throwing up behind the plinth we hid behind earlier. I felt miserable and light-headed and drained.

Merula looked disgusted, and certainly not looking like she was suffering from adrenaline shock. “I should of known better than to follow you idiots. I’ll find the real Cursed Vaults by myself…” she complained as she marched down the corridor, no doubt heading back to the Slytherin common room and rat us out to Snape in the process.

I had my suspicions that this was only part of one. “That wasn’t a Cursed Vault, was it?” I asked Rowan, as we moved away from the door. Already, there were hints. Rowan delicately shook her head.

“Not… exactly, but the ice itself did appear to be cursed.” She noted, distracted. “Maybe its protecting a vault? Or possibly escaping from one…” She hummed. “Deciphering the runes could give us a clue…”

We stopped shy of where Penny was. “Either way,” Rowan continued. “It seems like your vision was some sort of prophecy…” I groaned, rolling my eyes in disgust. I disagreed with that assessment.

Rowan pushed on. “If the ice is spreading…”

Penny chose that moment to rejoin us. “D’you really think the ice will keep spreading through the castle?” she wondered, looking pale and worn. Rowan shrugged.

“It could, eventually, but only if it’s seriously disturbed over the summer.”

“Let’s get back to our common rooms, before we get caught.” Penny noted, and we nodded. As we exited the corridor, there was a loud ‘BANG!’ and the castle seemed to shake, along with a roar of “PEEVES! YOU PESKY POLTERGEIST! GET BACK HERE!” from the stairwell coupled with a cackling.

Clearly, whatever Peeves had been planning against the Defence professor had been set into motion.

Aftermath

#Year 1 chapter 9 #Hogwarts Mystery tweaked #fic

[theloniousbach]

RETIREMENT CHRONICLES 1.5

I wrote the first installment of this series two and a half weeks ago as an end/first of the year reflection on four months of my retirement*. The asterisk reflects that I was for those four months and will be again fully engaged with the academic calendar with teaching and involvement around a very rewarding program.

But this past month has looked a bit more like retirement. I did some of that school work (grading and prep plus some like administrative work and went to campus a very very little), but largely it was up to me to organize my time, to wake up in the morning and say what should I do?

Except, of course, it wasn’t particularly spontaneous. I had plans (and, I confess, a record system) that extended the fall’s goals—exercise, reading/writing, watching music and writing about it, playing music.

Since this is what Summer when I’m not teaching will look like, Winter Break was a rehearsal just as previous ones have been for retirement.

That’s why this one is numbered 1.5 even if the May one is 2.0 and the August one will be 3.0

I kept the EXERCISE habit intact by going to the gym and taking advantage of “vitalities” that mean that I don’t hurt the next day. We walked outside as we could but I also used the home treadmill several times. My home yoga though slipped some.

I READ lots of fiction, spurred on by having now three mystery series going with those books taking me a couple of days each. But I read a couple of books in an alternative history series I’ve followed for years. The one literary novel was the second Aubrey/Maturin historical novel by Patrick O’Brian. There are 18 more which I have on loan. Those will go north for the summer as the idea of buying three Kindle books a week seems too much, even if it may not actually be more than how others get their stories by cable/streaming services.

I WROTE less than I thought I might in part because of an identity crisis born of the realization that what I like about mysteries is the overall arc of the series and not the mechanics and puzzle of plot. I continue to have fun with it, but let me now say that what I am doing is historical fiction as I amuse myself and try to be clever by seeing how my characters intersect with actual events plausibly. I continue to hope that I don’t sabotage myself by falling back on my training as a historian. I am not that careful or deep in particular knowledge about this period, so I’m just trying to be clever for my own amusement while telling stories about my characters.

With reading being a primary escape/past time, I still watched lots of JAZZ taking advantage of the discovery that I could watch both sets of a run in close proximity using the Small’s/Mezzrow’s You Tube channels rather than wait for sets to be archived. Those 25 sets turned into 15 souvenir essays.

I PLAYED piano exactly once and briefly at that and bass not at all, so those remain aspirational. But I played lots of guitar and made modest progress with Drop D tuning where, for some reason, I have the notes in my hands and can fingerpick the melodies of tunes—lots of folk tunes based in the church like I’ll Fly Away or Will the Circle Be Unbroken?, amusingly enough—nearly intuitively. This started with a Homespun instructional video on flatpicking fiddle tunes. I have a tentative grasp on a third one of those, but it’s still unfamiliar territory for my playing. But besides Drop D, my other fingerpicking benefits too.

I’m looking forward to teaching starting tomorrow with lots of familiar and talented students.

But I’m also looking forward to seeing how I extend the lessons of this past month to mid-May through mid-August.

#2024 #retirement chronicles

[theharshestaddiction]

it's been 4 years now apparently. i don't think I really loved him, I was just vulnerable and young.

i dont know how to explain what it is like after being groomed. it is painful to live with this trauma. i find that my own relationships sometimes cant feel as fulfilling because im not used to having such a consistent relationship. my boyfriend is a constant point of joy and affection my life. i self sabotage to try and recreate what it is like to be groomed and I cant. nothing feels the same as when he did it, or when she did. to be groomed by a teacher is an entirely different experience. when she was older it felt more like a high school thing, she was freshly graduated, but with him he was grown. he saw something in me even though I'm so young, of course I felt special. of course I felt special. it gets harder to remember exactly what happened a lot of the time, I think I am blocking it all out now. i spend everyday on the bus dreaming of writing a book or screenplay that can represent how this feels, but this pain cannot be put into words. i am loved and cared for by nearly everyone I know now, but the pain seems so attractive.

if i were to create a film or book about it I wouldnt want the actor to show his face. i think it would represent how I never put an identity to his name. i never ever made him a real person, here or in real life. my ex girlfriend might remember, but I doubt it. it would be all hands and movements, maybe some shots of his face up close. but it would be just like how it feels. bits and pieces, while I give my whole body and soul.

i always feel like someones gonna go through my blogs if im ever killed or if i die, so i think I should clarify. he never touched me inappropriately, he never raped or assaulted me. he complimented, encouraged and was personal with me. i don't know if he meant to groom me, I dont know what his intention was. i don't know why I was his favorite. i wish i did so i could swallow this all down.

i rarely write or talk about this because it hurts so much, but its been getting bad again. not processing this properly has been bad for me. i think about it on the bus all the time. for at least an hour a day I reminisce on what I think is gone. there was nothing ever there in the first place. i could talk about it endlessly and still say nothing, still describe nothing. there is a cork in my throat and I cant say words. why cant I admit it to myself? why do I still doubt him?

i know he was a good man. i want to know that, at least. the warmth I felt when he was hurting me was unlike anything I have known. like an absent part in my heart had been filled. probably because I was so angry with my parents at the time. i feel like I'm giving away too much. if I'm dead and youre reading this please don't go after him. i don't love him, I wish I never met him. he still works in schools I think. i have been searching for his social media for years, but I am unable to find it. there is nothing on him. no linked in or anything. its weird. his name is too common.

i find that i have a strange attraction to older men now. or maybe just one. pedro pascal is attractive to me, but i dont think thats because of this. hes just attractive. anyhow, I find that i read a lot of fanfiction with age gap relationships. it isn't to like, get me off or anything dumb. i just . i want to feel that way again. i want to feel so far beneath someone that when they lift me up an inch it feels like the first breath I've taken in years.

i am complacent in my own pain.

i wish he had touched me sometimes. i wonder what his bed may have felt like, when im alone and angry. i get mad that he probably has a girlfriend, and that hes forgotten about me by now. i know he only saw me last a year ago but hes probably had a hundred students since my class.i wish he would think about me, or email me. i wish I would wake up to a notification and see his name asking how I am. i just want him to see that I'm doing well in school, just like he remembers. i feel like he would care that I didn't give up. i feel like hes the only one who ever made me feel like my writing was really worth something. i dont let anyone read my stuff anymore unless its for school. no one would compliment it like he did, and even if they could it wouldnt be from him so what does it reall matter.

i remember when i learned he didnt have a girlfriend. i remember trying not to smile, thinking it could be me. i was 14, maybe. she was allergic to shellfish and he had bought her a dinner with shellfish in it, but I don't think thats why they broke up. maybe she found out that he's kind of a loser.

i just wish love hadnt been so ruined for me. it feels like my heart has been beaten down in everyway possible now. sexually, and emotionally.

i hate knowing that this is a shared pain. i hate knowing im not the only one. i hate that im letting go of this in some stupid post on a blog i made for him. i hate that there were others, i hate that there will be others. i should have been the only one for him. i should be the one with him and i should be killing him and hurting him the way he hurts me even now.

at the end of that movie she kills the man, the one with no face. i don't know anything else about the plot, but she stabs him to death in his kitchen.