#i’m so worthless

[derealisagetion]

I will never be able to create the way I want, I’m not good enough.

#I’m so worthless #and unaccomplished #I’ll never be anything or anyone #ill never be good enough

[n0ahsferatu]

pov you are a locked chest or perhaps someone bleeding to death

#hello 🤙 #it has been 84 years i am SO SORRY #im genuinely going to try to stick around this time!! #this may be a broken ass website but you people are lovely and i have missed you :3 #anyWAY. VIDDY GAME #noah gaël gamer era #baldur’s gate 3 is not a video game it is a magical place that stores all my boyfriends #you can have this weirdo though i don’t want him #/lying #but he is still SO RUDE. TO MY TAV #every morning my tav wakes up and casts lesser restoration on himself and this is how astarion repays him? #worthless boy. mean and impolite #he keeps getting away with it because I’m still silly about him though :( #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate fanart #baldurs gate astarion #astarion #bg3 #bg3 fanart #bg3 astarion #artists on tumblr #digital artist #illustrators on tumblr #noah.jpg

[otrtbs]

i delete any hate comment on ahb! that i see bc i’m not the one except for the for the very first hate comment ever. which came directly after i uploaded the final chapters of that story. ironically, the person who left it was the first person to read the whole fic in its entirety (ouch! but i digress). i keep the little hate comment up as a relic. the first hater ever if you will. imagine there’s a gold frame around it.

#and now they bear the weight of standing in for every ahb! hater #every now and then someone will comment smth like #‘fuck you. u worthless person’ #and i’m like 🧍‍♀️ jesus what did i do now? #but it’s just them responding to my first ever hater #i blocked them on ao3 tho so they can’t comment on my fics lmfaooo but people can still reply to them 😭 #it makes me giggle #anyway ao3 user DARKRISE if ur out here on my blog on the tumblr-sphere what’s up? #lmaoo

[cheddertm]

My new fav duo. They’re so fun and silly together, I always love when they’re together just to talk n stuff

Charlie “cringefail” and Foolish “gods fav” my beloveds <33333

#qsmp #foolish gamers #slimecicle #idk wtf their duo name is #BUT IT SHOULD BE CALLED FOOLSGOLD #BC GOLD IS GOOD AND FOOLISH BUT ALSO ITS LIKE WORTHLESS AND CRINNGE WHICH IS WHAT CHARLIE WOULD FIND INSTEAD OF SMTH USEFULL #I’m so good at duo names #Charlie is the new Forever in just constantly trying to flirt with Foolish #while Foolish is not interested as he’s taken and has too many accusations

[marvelousartcatastrophe]

My Qi Rong headcannon of the day (incorporating my design for him) is that like Hua Cheng, he can change his appearance so that even after he loses his mask in the second book/season, people can’t exactly say he looks like Xie Lian. My design for him really turns him into a goblin so if we pretend he looks like that then he’s intentionally becoming something as far from Xie Lian as he can, but his true form would be much more beautiful and their similarity much more prominent. But in canon he doesn’t actually have enough power to do that I don’t think? Hua Cheng is powerful enough to have multiple forms so maybe Qi Rong can get by with having only one.

And ignoring my design for him, I think this is also why he wears a mask. Pretty boy don’t like being reminded he’s related to Xie Lian.

I also have a headcannon that he was executed by decapitation with the royal xianle family so in the afterlife he has a huge scar around his neck. He’d get pissed off to find it mirrors Xie Lian’s cursed shackle.

In other words he’s trying to be something as far from Xie Lian as possible, even if he has to make himself as ugly as he can to do so.

He’s on my walls now…

#art catastrophe #I like the idea of him being a disgusting little freak #like if you like qi rong being pretty then hell yeah make him pretty #in fact it was so funny to me that in the dinghy’s when his face was revealed her was wearing makeup #legit the most beautiful boy in the entire show #but in my head based on my impression of him from the books he’s a freak of nature #he would flick his boogers at you #the type of guy to wear socks OVER his sandals #or even bathe with his socks on #it’s his way of saying fuck you to the royal family cause they never gave a shit about him or his mom #and let’s be honest while they were both mortal Xie Lian kinda treated Qi Rong like he was a dolt or just worthless #I’m just saying he’s gotta be more of a menace beyond just being a cannibal #tgcf qi rong #tgcf #qi rong #tian guan ci fu #hua Cheng #tgcf hua cheng #tgcf headcannon #headcannon #tgcf theory #heaven officials blessing #tgcf donghua #manhua #tgcf manhua #tgcf books #tgcf book 2

[katiebell]

Gideon killing crux, who was so cruel to her, and having a breakdown over the revenge not feeling good broke me btw

#gideon nav #tlt spoilers #nona the ninth #the locked tomb #forget all the stuff with harrow. that awful fuck was so abusive and watching Gideon find out you can’t take that pain away… #oh I’m howling she didn’t fucking deserve that #the way she tried to drag some… repentance out of him by throwing in his face that she’s literally the child of god and he still called her #worthless ohhhh im so sick. she believes it she believes she’s worthless and this was the one thing she learned about herself she staunchly #believes finally has some worth - finally would change how she was treated growing up - and that worthless worm throws it right back to her #face AUGHHH #he didn’t even give her the grace of the fantasy of ‘they would respect me if they knew. they’re REGRET it if they knew’. TAMSYN MUIR IM GON #NA GET YOU

[vacantgodling]

worthless war

You never learn his name.

Your thoughts have already devolved into the most basic of actions to sustain you along. Eat. Sleep. Forward. Retreat. Swing. Parry. Kill.

There is a reason generals do not wear helmets. Their matted, blood soaked hair used to be windswept and glorious. They bark orders and their pawns follow; the matted grass of stinking, rotting corpses, the board of a most convoluted game of chess. In the beginning, how foolish your company thought, should you make it behind enemy lines that you would become kings. It didn’t take long to realize it didn’t work that way. That eyes cast up to the heavens stayed that way, glassy and unseeing in their swift death.

Your eyes weren’t adept at seeing anymore. Your helmet made the world dark and despairing, a fitful mirror to the fruitlessness of this Worthless War. It was a war of pride, not a war of glory. By the time you entered the fray, any semblance of morality had long fled; back to the homeland where praises were sung of a warrior’s valor and the duty of the sword. There was no honor in this place.

Except.

You met him when a stab to the side, under the chink of your chain mail made you kneel. In the centre of the battlefield, you knelt there, statuesque and unseeing. Was it your time to die? Maybe. You were so tired. This war has taken everything from you. You could still see the face of your dear sweet Lucasta*, rosy faced and bright, cheerful and kind. You had not kissed for she was chaste, but you held her hands tender as a newborn babe and bid her farewell.

I will return a hero! You said—what a fool you had been! Young and suckling like a calf to a teat; you knew not what awaited you, young lamb to the slaughter. You knew not of how this war would betray you.

But you felt an arm raise you up.

No words were spoken, only the gleam of his sword in his hand in the sunlight. His helmet was impasse, but his arm that held you felt like warmth, felt like summer, felt like the joy of a child. You leant heavily into him, and he supported you, and took you far away from the battlefield.

It was the first thought you’d had since your mind fell away some time ago. Where are we going? You could ask. Are we advancing? Retreating? How else would you know your place in line? Are you God? If perhaps, you were religious. You weren’t. But maybe you were—if only for the way he sat you squarely down on a rock in some remote and desolate field in some forgotten daydream. Even if the war raged, the clashes of swords and armor not too far off on the horizon, it was a muted murmur this far away. The war but a distant night terror. Your body felt lighter than air, your head clear yet clouded, perhaps it was the dizziness from blood loss.

He didn’t speak, but his hands were verbose. He left your helmet fast to your skull, but pulled you out of your armor, piece by piece. What an intimate ritual—you oft used to think of undressing Lucasta when the two of you were finally wed should you make it back from this war. From her corset and over skirts, to her chemise, her stockings; to unearth what bounty lay beneath cotton coverings, just the same as he unlatched your breastplate. Cool hands spread across your collar and chest, then came to the side just underneath your arm where blood, thick and viscous, stuck like molasses to your skin.

Where he retrieved water when rations were low, you didn’t know. For so long you have just been some spectral floating thing; only manifesting as a sword for your general to wield. But now you felt horribly human; your mouth dry with thirst and caked with dirt and grime and the sins of taking life after life. Heaven knew no prayers would wash you clean, but he did. He washed your wound and dressed it as best he could. He ripped pieces and pieces of his own spare shirt and wrapped them round and round your body, pressing until the blood stopped. Until the blood rushed from your head south at the novelty of another’s touch, never mind the touch was a man. This was the touch of your savior; your holiness, your shining grace given from Lucasta’s Lord above.

“W…” You managed to croak, and he stopped his ministrations. If you had hydration enough for tears, perhaps you would’ve shed them. Don’t stop. You wanted to say. Those glorious touches that reminded you that you were alive and a soul and part of this world. “Why…” Your voice was no louder than a field mouse.

Behind his helmet, he didn’t say a thing. Not a grunt, not a hum, not a word. He only kept dressing your wound. Round and round he twirled those makeshift bandages, and you imagined Lucasta on your long awaited wedding day, twirling in your arms as the blushing bride she ought to be. But here, and bare, and carnal, you felt you ought to be the bride. Why shouldn’t you receive such tenderness of a strong hand to your lips or touch to your brow? Why shouldn’t you linger in this comforting daydream where you were just a man, and the knight dressing you was another, and in the hay of this little barn of innocence you sullied it with passions that Lucasta’s God would blush at?

You gripped his hands, hissing as he bade you stand. It was always easier to suit standing. When he returned the chinks of your breastplate and tightened it fast, it was every deceleration of love you could ever hear. It was a proposal, a wedding, devotion divine. You took his hand. He gave you your sword. He led you back to the battlefield. Your thoughts returned lifeless, but when he took his place next to you in formation, your mind bloomed with flowers; roses and daffodils and forget-me-nots; an endless springtime where he knew your scars and perhaps, you knew his.

And as all evils do, the Worthless War drew to a close.

There was no grand finale. No heroes of lore or legend were born out of this war. You stood at the foothills of your hometown, with nothing but a small ration, and a few bits of coins for the trouble of it all.

You returned to Lucasta. She knew the light in your eyes dimmed. She spoke to you of the wedding, of babies, of summertime—but your life was paused; ever stuck and transfixed at that moment he took you aside to patch your wound. Suspended in that one shred of humanity that you felt in that moment, and the lingering warmth that you felt after, for the days and weeks until the war came to an end. He never spoke, but he was always by your side, and you fastly to his.

Your head was bare, but your soul never took off its helmet. At night, you lay awake with Lucasta’s head pressed delicately to your chest, dreaming of the metallic hiss of his breath in and out as he undressed your soul.

some footnotes:

* = the name Lucasta i lifted from the 17th century poet Richard Lovelace as the meaning is “pure light”. in this piece Lucasta serves two roles: as the bride to be the protagonist has waiting back home, but also represents his innocence that the war has taken from him. how even though he’s returned home and has his former life waiting for him how he can never truly regain that innocence.

#ren writing #still thinking about knights and so this came out #i’m kinda obsessed with it #short stories tag #<- ig #s: worthless war

[youngyoo-apologist]

OG Choi Han they could never make me hate you cause if some random rich boy was yelling at me and telling me my family deserved to die like a day after it happened and all I wanted was to know how I could get help I’d beat him up too

This plus the added fact that the Harris Village people were the first people to take Choi Han in and take care of him after years and years in the dark forest. Like he’s obviously not going to be mentally stable after all that, and he was so young when everything happened to him like I cannot blame him at all. I don’t think I can ever hate OG Choi Han like ever, he’s flawed, he has problems, but I love him dearly. He deserves the world. This kid who had to fight for his life, was taken away from his family, and in the process had to give up parts of his own humanity to survive, and like went to war two years later, they could never make me hate u OG Choi Han…

Like yeah violence is bad I guess but OG Cale had it coming(saying this as an OG Cale fan, I love him, but he was mean as hell when he was younger!)

If I’m honest, I think they were both in the wrong to an extent. Like OG Cale shouldn’t have said all that no matter the circumstances, and OG Choi Han shouldn’t have beaten him up so much. But u say mean shit and you get hit, that is how it will work when you’re talking to the guy who just saw his entire village get murdered like idkkkk man

I understand where OG Cale was coming from, but he had many issues and while he wasn’t an awful person, he was capable of doing bad things because of his own internalized pain and emotions that he never got to properly process because of his emotionally distant childhood and relationship with his father who should have been there for him more when he was younger.

Okay speaking of his childhood, Deruth isn’t the WORST father in the world but there are a lot of things he could have done better. I think a lot of Deruth’s flaws come from his fear of failure and messing up. He’s scared of doing the wrong thing, and so he sticks to doing what he knows and using what he knows best. That’s why he uses his money, that’s why gift giving is his way of showing affection, he knows that it is one thing he cannot mess up.

The problem is that money and gifts is NOT what OG Cale needed. I think what that guy needed the most was a parent who wasn’t afraid to talk to him, to ask him questions. Not to say that Deruth gave up on OG Cale, but I think in a way he gave up on OG Cale by giving up on himself. Deruth didn’t trust himself to have the capabilities to talk to OG Cale, which is why he never did. It’s because that Deruth was scared, and didn’t trust himself, that he could never face OG Cale

If Deruth was able to trust himself a little more, and pull himself together, I don’t think OG Cale would have turned out the way he did. As a kid, he probably thought the only way he could help his family without relying on anyone(no doubt this whole ‘I have to do it myself’ thing came from the fact that he couldn’t rely on his father when his mom died, and instead was acting as a pillar of support for his father when it should have been the other way around) was to sabotage himself, the only heir. If he was shown to be unfit to be heir, then everyone else would have no choice but to direct their hatred towards him instead of his family.

If Deruth had talked to his son at least ONCE when he was a kid, asking him why he was upset or why he did the things he did, I think OG Cale would have told him. Why? Because he’s a kid!! A kid will obviously want to rely on his father, if he just had one sign telling him that he didn’t have to do it alone I’m 90% sure OG Cale would have said something.

Basically, while Deruth isn’t the worst father, he’s not really a great father either. I think he does do his best, but he has issues with communication lol

OG Cale and OG Choi Han are both complex characters and had their own reasons to behave the way they did. The thing is with people is that they’re complicated and have layers, so the situation with them would have layers behind it as well with multiple co-existing truths and stuff

#guys I’m a big fan of Choi Han #and I get sad when people bring up this scene and all the blame is on him #like okay he was wrong but if YOU saw your entire family dead and some random rich boy started yelling abt how their lives were worthless #you’d be mad too no? #like his feelinsg were totally justified cause OG Cale was REALLY mean in that scene #‘their lives are worth less than the bottle in my hand’ OHHHHH OKAY OG CALE THATS ENOUGH THATS ENOUGHHHH #I love OG Cale but u have to admit he wasn’t very nice when he was younger #like the statements ‘he had his reasons’ ‘being trash was an act’ ‘he wasn’t a bad person’ ‘but he did say bad things’ can co exist #yes being trash was an act but he is ALSO capable of saying mean things and things that are wrong #LIKE TELLING THE GUY WHO JUST GOT HIS FAMILY MURDERED THAT THEIR LIVES WERE WORTHLESS #HE WAS NOT INNOCENT FOR THAT #Younger OG Cale is not a black and white character #and neither is older OG Cale but this post isn’t abt him #okay I’m gonna bring up someone who isn’t from TCF #but take Eunyung Baek from no home as an example okay #eunyung did bad things and was a bad person because of his childhood right #the reasons to being a bad person do not take away the bad things he did #but just cause he did bad things and was capable of them did not mean he could not change #I love OG Cale a LOT and I just think that his character has a lot behind it #Older OG Cale is obviously very different from his younger self #years and years of war and tragedy have matured him and like he’s not the same person he was anymore #okay back to Choi Han I love that guy I will defend him with my life #beating up people is wrong yeah but with the circumstances I’d say OG Cale had it coming #like okay it would be different if it was unprovoked but it was very much provoked #I swear I love OG Cale I just think he was very wrong for that #not to say he can’t change or isn’t capable of change he definitely is #idk I guess my point is that OG Cale was wrong but he changed as a person #and OG Choi Han was wrong for beating him up so much but it wasn’t unjustifiable #tcf #lcf

[jacarandaaaas]

if I see one more “mirabel was so lucky to not get a gift comment” I’m gonna lose it. Way to miss the point of her character arc everyone!

#encanto #encanto disney #disneys encanto #mirabel madrigal #saw an edit on tiktok and it was the first comment like shut uppp #like yeah she was so lucky to be ostracized and feel worthless for a decade instead of being pressured #LIKE ITS ALMOST LIKE THE MOVIE ISNT ABOUT COMPARING SUFFERING BUT RECOGNIZING HOW TRAUMA AFFECTS PPL DIFFERENTLY #mirabel was not lucky like Idk how anyone can watch the movie and think that #she was lucky that she never let her internal bitterness and jealousy consume her and continued to be a positive uplifting person #like that’s the only thing lucky about her #LITERALLY ITS ALMOST 2024 PPL NEED TO STOP DISREGARDING MIRABELS TRAUMA #sorry I’m very passionate about this #mirabel get behind me

[jewishbarbies]

I don’t blame people for wanting a “permanent ceasefire”, because that’s the end goal for all of us. we all want peace, we all want safety, we all want freedom. the problem there, is that it’s not going to work for anyone as long as Hamas has control of gaza. they haven’t been able to have any elections since the early 00’s. that has nothing to do with Israel - Hamas is a terrorist dictatorship controlling gaza and all the people in it. there will be a permanent ceasefire once Hamas is gone, so why don’t we advocate for their surrender? why aren’t we calling on them to fucking stop? even people who claim to believe they’re a terrorist group have been pedaling the ceasefire idealism, and it’s not going to do anything for palestinians. no one is advocating for real change, just something that makes them all feel better, and everyone in the region is going to continue to suffer.

#g talks #I’m so tired #so so tired #like genuinely #once you remove the terrorist orgs controlling the people #you can deal with the government #and you can have a shot at real peace #but all western goy leftists want is a pause from Israel #and it’s just #that’s not going to DO anything #hamas broke the ceasefire immediately #like they’ve done every other ceasefire #we need something else #because the ceasefire is a nice idea but it’s worthless #antisemitism #mine #/mobile #/okay to reblog

[liesmultixxx]

i haven’t felt this awful in a long time

please make the pain stop

#i’m ill #i’m depressed #personal #depressing stuff #depressing post #i feel so low #low self esteem #low self confidence #worthless #i’m a failure #i tanked my exam #he doesn’t care #he doesn’t like me back #so i ignored him and i thought that maybe he would reach out and ask if somethings wrong #but he didn’t #and he won’t #i’m so sick and tired of this bullshit #so stressed #pain #this is painful #i want it to stop #sorry to be depressing #and i can’t talk to anyone about it #i’m so alone

[wykart]

The cognitive dissonance of recognising my job is bullshit and not giving a shit about it while also being a workaholic little anxious mess obsessed with efficiency.

#and I end up doubly hating and guilting myself bc I’m like #you’re worthless you fucked up bc you didn’t get as much done as you should have. bc I have So Many Tasks like fuck #and. you’re worthless you fucked up bc you’re trying too hard and why are you putting in effort on this bs thing u should be earning more #you should be somewhere else why are you still here you lazy pos. etc #I cannottttt win

[peaches2217]

Okay! I thiiiiiink I can have a fic up by week’s end! If I don’t follow through this time y’all are permitted to excommunicate me.

#gotta stop being ✨useless and worthless✨ gotta start being ✨good and productive✨ #it’s like… 90% done! I’m just struggling with the ending because it kinda. doesn’t have one #I never planned out an ending and I have no clue what kind of note to end it on. but if I end it at where I’ve got it #then there won’t be any impact. my writing’s already low-stakes low-impact but this one would be entirely uselessly self-indulgent #with nothing to show for it other than just… I dunno. I think what I’m saying is it’s not good? #but! I’ll figure it out! I will figure it out or die trying so help me God!

[seraphicalsuccubus]

I feel like my heart was just ripped out of my fucking chest and handed back to me with a knife stuck through it

#why do friend break ups suck so much #I’m really not doing well today y’all I can’t even hold myself together for more than 2 minutes before I start crying again #this shit just fucking hurts and I feel worthless and unwanted #I just miss having a best friend … mine doesn’t give a fuck about me anymore because of her girlfriend and I just feel so lost

[werebutch]

Heeeelp how am I supposed to cook family dinners when no dairy, no meat (or very little meat) (no vegan meat either), no tofu, no SALT, nothing ‘too strong’ (apparently my eggplant parm is ‘too strong’ ??), and nothing “weird” which changes on a whim with my family’s mood . AAUUUGGHHHH

#and when I cook things that don’t meet this criteria (which is most meals) I am a worthless idiot btw. LOOOOOL #sorry that I made you full very tasty meals almost entirely from scratch.. and I’m even more sorry that they’re multiple times a week.. #I know it’s so hard to be uou….

[mister-lucky-bunny]

Started listening to Pink Floyd - Animals, which happened to be my mom’s favorite album

I sobbed and cried VERY loudly while holding her ashes like an insane person

Guys am I crazy?

#dylan speaks words #iunno #pink floyd #animals #pink floyd animals #I miss my mom guys #I miss her so much #she had the best opinions on music #I’m sorry I was a callous teenager mom #I’m sorry I gave up when you had cancer #I’m sorry I wasn’t trying my best #I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so fucking sorry #please please forgive me #I don’t care if you think I’m a faggot or queer or worthless #I’d give anything to cry in your arms again mom #vent #vent post #music #rock music