#i'm so excited to post these fics too!!! they're also getting me to write outside of my fandom / blorbo comfort zone a little bit so that's

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // part twenty-seven

summary: you were back in the capitol, and you would be damned if you didn't try your hardest to make it worthwhile.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.4k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: omg we're coming up on the end i could cry :') i finished writing everything and i feel like a shell of a person rn without this fic to plan and write, but i hope you guys are excited! there will be five more parts after this and then the epilogue, which brings me to some really exciting news!!

big news #1: i'm opening oneshot requests for this series!! my normal requests will remain closed but i'd love to see what you guys want for the more of this series! (link is here!)

big news #2: the end of this story is opening the doors to my third coryo series which I've been working on for a hot minute, and it'll be called requiem! (see the original request for it here to get the vibes before i post anything!)

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist

The protests caught you off guard, more than anything.

It had only been two weeks since you started your classes and you were loving them, but you hated getting dropped off in the morning and picked up in the afternoon. You and Coryo could no longer eat lunch outside, and the previously full lecture halls you had occupied saw more and more students dropping out as people stood outside just to shout at you as you came and went from the school four days a week. To call you an animal, that you don't belong there, that you should be "put down" for crimes against the Capitol. What they were? You had no idea.

Suffice to say, parents were not happy that you were there.

Generally, Coryo said that people had loved you in the games. You were "harmless", and "sweet", you gave them someone to root for- but now that you were walking freely among them instead of being kept behind the bars at the zoo or trapped inside the arena awaiting your death, you were suddenly a threat.

"They... they think I'll hurt someone?" You sniff, watery eyes overflowing as you look at Coryo lying beside you in his bed.

He bites his tongue, nodding as he wipes away your tears with the hand he has resting just under your cheek on top of his pillow. "They're afraid. That's all, it's not because of anything you did."

"I won't." You cry. "I would never, you know that, right?"

"I know, love. I know that." He promises you quietly.

"I don't want people to be afraid of me. It's not fair to them... If they feel unsafe I should just drop out."

"You're not doing that." He insists with a slight shake of his head. "We'll figure it out. Okay? Don't worry about them."

You just nod softly, wiping your eyes as he pushes his arm under your neck. "C'mere." He mumbles rolling onto his back and you move closer, laying your head on his chest as he pulls you closer to his side.

Coryo did figure it out, for the most part, which is how you ended up standing in Capitol TV's studios, awaiting an interview with Lucky Flickerman, someone you definitely thought you would never see again after the games. You didn't know how Coryo did it, who he had to talk to in order to convince them to let you plead your case so publicly. Apparently, the Snow name came with more power than you knew.

"You're gonna do great, love." Coryo whispers to you. "Just be yourself, but remember what I said about your essay, right? Be honest, but think about how you word things. I know you can do it." He assures you quietly, hands resting on your shoulders.

You nod, giving him a hopeful smile. "Thank you."

"I'll be right here, I'm not going anywhere." These types of reassurances were becoming less and less necessary over the month you've been here, but still, you don't like it when he's far, and he doesn't like it when he doesn't know where you are. It worked nicely for you both.

"Miss Y/L/N, whenever you're ready." One of the crew directs you, pointing to the comfortable chair they had set up in front of a homey-looking backdrop. It was fake, but it was meant to look like you were in someone's house. The idea of it was confusing to you, but you supposed it was also unimportant. You had much bigger concerns.

"Thank you." You smile at them and give Coryo another quick nod before making your way over to the seat that they said was yours.

Coryo watches as you carefully brush your hands over the front of your dress, smoothing it as you sit down. You looked so elegant as you did it, if he didn't know better, it looked like the habits of the people you were now surrounded with were rubbing off on you quickly. He had watched you rehearse how you would carry yourself and how you would speak and act with Tigris just this morning, after she fit you into the dress she had made for the occasion. Clearly, you had been paying attention.

When you draw your hair from your back and over your shoulder so your meticulously styled curls wouldn't be crushed against the chair, Coryo thinks he might need to sit down. Especially so when you look back at him again, subtly waving at him with your hand from where they are placed in your lap. The dress Tigris had given to you was red- a deep red silky material that complimented the red of his coat and mimicked the shade of the Capitol's flag but still had you standing out on your own. Seeing the way that dress fit you and hugged your form in all the right ways even as you were sitting, he was sure he had never been more grateful to his cousin and her talents.

"Y/N, it's so good to see you again." Lucky smiles at you as he sits down across from you, adjusting the small device attached to his lapel as crew members come up to you and fasten the same thing to the front and back of your dress.

"You as well." You grin, trying the best you can to mask your nervousness.

"Are you ready? Do you need anything?" He asks and you shake your head.

"I am ready whenever you are." You confirm, looking around as some more lights flick on, bright in your eyes as the man behind the camera starts counting down.

You look over at Coryo one last time and he nods at you. It was just like your first interview all over again- you had to sell yourself to the people. To prove that you were worth trusting.

"My name is Lucretius "Lucky" Flickerman," You smile as he flips a coin up into the air. You've seen him do it before, but you still weren't sure how the trick worked. "Amateur magician and your host for everything interesting on Capitol TV, and today is certainly no exception. Today, I have a familiar face with me who I know you will all recognize as well, the Victor of the Tenth Annual Hunger Games, Miss Y/N Y/L/N." He looks over at you and you keep your eyes on him, certain that all cameras are watching you now.

"Y/N, I am so happy to have you back. How have you been?" Lucky asks you and you're already fighting off the need to fidget with your hands.

"I am very well." You smile at him. "How about yourself? It has been a while."

"I'm great, thank you! You know, I was not allowed to bet on the games, but anyone who was there can tell you that I predicted your win from the beginning. You certainly are something else."

"Oh, well thank you." You giggle. "Though, I can't fully be credited for my win. I have to thank the sponsors who allowed Coriolanus to send me food and water. That made all the difference in my game."

"Oh, most definitely." He agrees. "But you shouldn't deny your own role in that. Hiding in the vents, that was genius!" Lucky claps. "Truly, that was a jaw-dropping moment for all of us watching. I remember thinking 'wow, how did she think of that?' It was incredible!"

"Yes, well, I saw the grate and knew it was worth a try." You shrug, slightly laughing. "I had nothing to lose."

"Yes, well, I'm dying to know- what have you been up to the last few months? You went back to Twelve, and then what?"

"Oh! Yes, I did. I've been spending time with friends and family, I got a job at the local library, catching up on some reading, that sort of thing." You grin, glancing at Coryo for only a moment and he gestures for you to continue. "I got home and I really realized for the first time how much we should be appreciating everything we have- even out in the Districts where sometimes life is tough, it's key to remember how privileged we are to be alive. The games were truly eye-opening for me."

Coryo gives you a quick nod of approval, and you smile, training your view back on the man across from you.

"Yes, I agree. Live life to the fullest, that's what they say." You just nod at his response. "Which also begs the question, if you were happy back in Twelve, what brought you back to the Capitol?"

Let the lies begin.

"Well," You laugh nervously. "When I was given the opportunity to come here for the games back in July, I was so interested in everything. The people who I got to talk to, the things I got to see, it was all amazing and I was just dying for more."

"So you decided to come study at the university here, is what I've heard."

"Yes, exactly." You grin. "I just think that the Capitol has so much to offer as far as education goes, I am already learning so much and I am having so much fun doing it."

"So really, your focus is just on your education." He prompts you and you nod.

"Definitely, considering the course load I don't have time for much else, but that doesn't really bother me. Like I said, I just want to learn from the greatest minds in the nation. Even the other students, it's amazing! Everyone has earned their spot there and I can see why and all the work they have put in to be there. It's a privilege to study among them, and I am so grateful that I was given this chance."

"You say 'all the work that they put in to be there', but you didn't attend the academy, so how is it that you were admitted?"

"I filled out the same application that all the other students did, I went through all the same testing." You confirm, nodding at him. "Although," You laugh slightly. "I was only given one day to complete it all. I was locked away in my room working on it all night. I hardly had time to blink, it was tough."

"Wow!" Lucky laughs. "One day? I remember when I applied to the university, my application took months to get just right. You must have aced it all."

"I am very proud of the work I did to be admitted, yes." You smile.

"From what I hear, you should be." He agrees. "So, you're really not in it for the sake of making friends."

"Well, I certainly would love to, but it is not my priority." You nod. "But, if any of my classmates are watching, I promise I am good at proofreading and if you need a second set of eyes on your papers, I'm happy to help. I'd also love to have more people to discuss our readings with." You joke, looking into the camera for the first time.

Lucky laughs. "You've heard it here, everyone. Y/N's pitch to make some friends!"

"Yes, I suppose it was." You chuckle, smiling at him.

"Now on the topic of friends while we're getting to know you better," You tilt your head at him while he begins the question, unsure where it is going. "Back home, do you have a boyfriend? Surely he must be missing you."

"No, not at home..." You laugh, catching in the corner of your eye as Coryo shakes his head at you, his face flat of emotion. "I don't have a boyfriend. Again, that's really just not where my priorities lie at the moment. I've... I've had a very busy year, you could say." You explain hesitantly.

"Wow! A beautiful girl like you?" You laugh nervously at his response. "Capitol boys! She's smart, pretty, and single. Just saying." He says, raising his hands.

You knew his job today was to help you, to make you more likable and more normal, to humanize you, but it was still uncomfortable to hear. "Oh, please." You laugh nervously, waving a hand at him. "Like I said, I'm just here to learn. I'm not after anyone's son."

"No? Not even all the handsome boys in your classes? I'm sure there are at least a few." He teases you and your cheeks flush red.

"I wouldn't know, I'm watching the lectures." You shrug jokingly.

Coryo is trying not to lose his mind while you talk about how single you are. Not that you were much of a willing participant, and to be fair he did tell you not to indicate to them that the two of you were together. You technically weren't, if he was being totally fair, but just because it hadn't been said doesn't mean it isn't real. He knew you knew that, though. So why was he getting so mad?

He doesn't even realize how little attention he was paying after that until you're standing up and shaking Lucky's hand. It was over, you'd done everything you could have to ease the minds of scared and angry Capitol parents.

Lucky gives you a quick hug, wishing you good luck in your classes before you're allowed to rejoin Coryo. "Ready to go?" He asks and you nod.

"How did I do?" You ask as you walk out of the studio and into the hall, aiming for the elevator to take you back to ground level.

"Amazing, love. You were perfect." Coryo confirms, still noticeably tense as he walks next to you.

"Are you sure?" You ask as he presses the button to call the car up to your level, unsure since he still hasn't really looked at you.

The door opens and you both step in. "Yes." He tells you again, quickly tapping the door close button.

"Oh, good. I was really nervous..." You laugh slightly as the doors slide shut, and as soon as any light from the hall ceases to enter the elevator his hands are on you and his lips are pressed against yours.

You let out the slightest squeak out of shock, but quickly relax as Coryo rubs familiar small circles on your hips with his thumbs. How he could be so gentle as he backs you into the wall of the elevator you don't know, but you're grateful for it as you hum into his mouth. But still, something was different.

Spending so much time with you only made him want you more. He loved you, he knew that, and someplace deep in the corners of his mind, he had always wanted you in a way he never thought possible when he first fell for you before the games. Now, with you curled up under his sheets almost every night, seeing you step out of the bathroom with damp hair after a shower in pyjamas that don't fit you quite right, he thought about it more than ever. Thoughts of you plagued him more than usual, and the best way to describe the accompanying feeling was guilt. Guilt that he couldn't show you off given the circumstances- at least not yet.

He trails his kisses away from your lips and across your jaw, pulling you tighter against him. "You're so beautiful, my love..." He mumbles into the skin just below your ear, leaving a kiss in his wake that has your head spinning.

You giggle, eyes fluttering open. "What has gotten into you?" You ask, hands sliding up over his chest to rest on his shoulders.

"I can't tell my girlfriend that I think she's gorgeous?" He asks, shaking his head slightly as he looks down into your eyes.

"Oh, so I am your girlfriend." You giggle and he nods, kissing you again.

"Of course you are, and don't forget it." He chuckles, pulling back from you as the elevator stops moving, waiting for the doors to open.

Your skin is flushed down to your chest as the doors slide apart and even though he's not touching you anymore, you can feel the ghost of his hands on you. You look up at him, a lingering smirk still on his face as he looks straight ahead and leads you out of the car.

The phone rang at the time you were eating dinner, and you quickly asked if you could be excused to go answer it. Coryo and Tigris both just nodded at you, but you could still feel their grandmother's eyes burning into your back as you quickly walked away. She still wasn't fond of you, but she tolerated you. For now, that was just enough.

You grab the phone off the receiver as the small round screen flickers to life. "Hello?" You answer, hopeful that it would finally be your family you see on the other side.

You had answered every call that came to the Snow's apartment for weeks, waiting anxiously to hear their voices again.

"Y/N, is that you, honey?"

You gasp with excitement when you get a clear enough view of your ma. "Ma! Hi!" You smile, leaning in a little closer to get a more clear view as the camera on their end begins to adjust. This was likely the first time it was being used.

"Oh, honey, how good it is to see you!" She smiles, and out of nowhere, you feel hot tears welling up in your eyes.

"You too, Ma." You nod, biting into your lower lip. You didn't want to cry so quickly into the call. "How are you? How's everything at home?"

"Same old." She shakes her head with a slight laugh. "I'm much more interested in you- how is everything? How is school? And how is Tybalt settling in? How are you settling in? My goodness, I just have so many questions!"

You laugh, quickly wiping a stray tear. You had told them about all of this in letters, of course, but she just wanted to hear you say it all. "Everything is good. School has been so lovely, Coryo walks me to all my classes and we eat lunch together between. And Tybalt just loves it here! They have a garden on the roof, and I take him up there as often as I can. Tigris won't stop giving him treats either so he couldn't be happier."

You look down at the animal as he brushes against your leg, looking up at you.

"That's amazing. I've been so worried, it's just so good to see your face again. God, we've been missin' you..."

"I miss you too." You agree, careful not to choke on your tears. "How is Len? And have you seen Lucy Gray and the Covey?"

"He's... He's doing alright." Your mother looks off-screen, and you assume he must be there. The look on her face, one of nervousness and hesitation tells you he doesn't want to speak to you. "But Lucy Gray has been around every day, she and Maude Ivory come over and they help me with hanging the laundry and such... It's been good to have them around."

You smile sadly, nodding slightly with the receiver pressed to your ear. You felt bad about that aspect of leaving- you spent as much time as you could before the games helping out around the house, but even in the summer when you came back you weren't much help. Your mother wouldn't let you do dishes all summer, for fear that the sight of a knife might set you off. She knew you came back a different person, and she wasn't taking any risks. All she really allowed you to do was hang laundry and "keep her company" while she did other home chores. But now, she didn't even have that.

"Can I speak to him?" You ask, referring to your brother who you knew was there.

She nods, waving off camera and holding her hand over the wrong part of the phone. "Lennox, come over here. Y/N wants to talk to you."

His response is muffled, but you make out the gist of it. 'I don't want to talk to her'.

"She's your sister, Lennox. You can't ignore her forever."

'If she wants to talk, she should come home.'

Your heart clenches in your chest and you chew your lip. You have to pretend you couldn't hear, but you just felt so horribly guilty. You shouldn't have left, but he doesn't understand you had no choice. He wouldn't be able to understand until you could come home and see him again, likely not until the summer. Coryo had told you to be mindful of what you write in letters and what you say on the phone, it's possible others were listening. The Capitol was always listening.

"He's just a little busy right now, honey." She smiles at you, but you can see right through it. "But tell me about your day! Did you have class?"

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl ,  @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs, @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie,  @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore , @strawberryflavouredkisses, @cascadingbliss

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

#tbosas #tbosas fanfiction #tbosas fic #tbosas x reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #thg #thg fanfic #thg fic #thg series #thg fanfiction #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus fanfiction #coriolanus imagine #coriolanus x you #coryo snow #coryo x reader #coryo x you #snow lands on top #snow x reader

[5eraphim]

could you write something about Scout with a breeding kink please?? i don't usually see a lot of fics like that when involving him, also maybe some angst too and slight yandere aspects?? only if you're comfortable ofc!! my friend recommended your blog to me :3 ((if they're reading this, i want them to know that i think they're smelly.))

it's spooky season so i'm answering this for werewolf!scout from the monster mash au. (this is a little drabble i wrote about werewolf scout's backstory, you don't really need to read all of it, but for context- scout and reader were childhood friends, but after reader moved away scout seizes the opportunity to get back with "the one that got away") now he's forced reader to live as his mate. not much difference from human scout tbh, it's just spiced with a bit of tetro and full-moon-intensified-horniness, the emotional core/angst of the story is more about his issues regarding family/loyalty/responsibility. i hope that's all good with you, thank you so much for the request!

Title: Puppy Eyes

Character: Scout 🐇 (Team Fortress 2)

Rating: X (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! GO PLAY OUTSIDE!)

Content Warnings: dubcon, breeding kink, yandere, tetro (mild), full moon horniness, mating press, AFAB reader, exophilia, fingering, dirty talk, abandonment issues/daddy issues scout, scout drinks reader's sweat? if that's anything?

Word Count: 3.5k

MASTER LIST

TIP JAR

"I never wanted to kill. I am not naturally evil.

Such things I do, just to make myself attractive to you.

Have I failed?" Morrisey, The Last of the Famous International Playboys

(post 2/31 of my version of kinktober where i write whatever i want for every day of october <3)

"I-I know it's a lot- but fuck! C'mon, stay with me, just a lil more!" How many times had you heard that line tonight? You already lost count. It was so late out, the summer night sky crystal-clear as the full moon and starlight pooled through the open windows bright enough to illuminate the entire room. But you didn't want to see; all you wanted to do was bury your head under the pillows and sleep, despite knowing there was a significant chance you wouldn't get more than a wink of sleep tonight. 

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! I-I'm almost there! Keep goin'!" Scout continued to try and push you on. His voice had gone hoarse and sounded winded, but he was close. You could feel his knot building, a sensation even now after so many rounds you couldn't determine to be sickening or erotic. Even if you tried to tell yourself it was gross, you'd already come twice feeling Scout grinding it against you, forcing you to lay on your belly under him with your knees bent while he humped you with his briefs still on. He was excited and wanted nothing more than to get right to pounding you into the floor, but even he couldn't entirely ignore his anxiety. It was your first night with him as a wolf, and if he messed up tonight, he knew it would take ages to make it up to you.

It was the first full moon the two of you spent under the same roof, and you knew it would be a rough night, but you had no idea Scout could be so insatiable. Scout was a braggart and a liar. When he told you about all the dirty things he fantasized about doing to you under the full moon, you thought he was trying to get a rise out of you. Needless to say, the countless hickies spotting your neck, shoulders, and tits, the bruises on your thighs and hips, and the ungodly overstimulation going on between your legs were more than enough to convince you Scout was being dead serious. Even before that, usually, Scout liked to dirty talk while he undressed you, liked to watch you get embarrassed and turned on, completely unable to hide it. But not tonight. As soon as Scout locked the door behind himself coming home, he practically jumped you, dragging you to the heaping pile of pillows and blankets in the middle of the bedroom floor you called a bed.

You'd be lying if you said it wasn't more than a little erotic to see someone so animalistic and primally lustful towards you. And though you weren't about to admit it, Scout didn't look half-bad in his wolf form. Even as a wolf, he was pretty lean, with a shaggy, deceptively soft blonde pelt and, of course, his big blue puppy eyes. Bright, excited eyes that lit up when you praised him, gave him attention, wound your fingers through his hair, anything- he couldn't get enough!

On the other hand, you were starting to fade fast and needed a break. Not only to replenish your energy, but you desperately needed to grab a towel and clean up a little. It was the full moon, and there was nothing on Scout's mind other than coming inside you, but given how many loads he was shooting off, you were physically incapable of keeping all of them inside. Resulting in sticky smears coating your back, thighs, and arms.

"Hang on, just- Jesus, Scout, will you let me get up? I just wanna wipe off a little sweat."You turned your back on Scout, about to head from the "bed" to the bathroom to grab a towel, when two clawed hands grabbed your arms from behind, keeping you in place, "I can help!" 

Before you could even ask what he meant by that, you felt the long flat of his tongue dragged over the back of your neck, collecting the wetness in his mouth before lapping his tongue out again to catch more. The feeling was terrible, but accompanied by the sound of "dog slorping" directly by your ear, made you cower forward to avoid another lick. "Scout, that's disgusting!"

"What? You taste amazing!" Completely uninhibited by your visible repulsion, he tried to lean forward for more while you struggled. 

You shouted, "Stop it!" Louder than you intended, and with a heavy sigh, he loosened his grip on your arms, allowing you to slip away, pulling away from the bed in the process, trying to ignore the light scent of dog breath clinging to your back. Scout sat back on the bed, pouting and fidgeting restlessly, visibly unhappy to see you resisting his advances. "Not tryna gross ya out-, y'know I can't help it!"

He was right, and it was tough to stay mad at him when he gave you puppy eyes, but you were too physically exhausted to let him pull you back right back into bed. 

A voice in the back of your head scolded you for having any kind of sympathy for the monster who held you captive and insisted the two of you were meant to be mates. This wasn't close to a healthy relationship, but Scout wasn't human. How could you expect him to know how to treat you like one? 

Hugging your arms around your naked body, you stepped back, "Let's just take 10, alright? Just let me get some fresh air, maybe something to drink?" 

And in the blink of an eye, Scout's ears perked up again, his tail swishing against the blankets on the floor, "You wanna snack break?" 

Nodding, you smiled a little, "Yeah, I'm just gonna take a step outside, alright? I'll meet up with you right after." 

He nodded, standing until he was towing over you. As he passed by to leave the bedroom, he put a paw-like hand on your shoulder, "Don't make me come getcha, alight?"

Swallowing a lump in your throat, you made a noise of affirmation, watching him head over to the kitchen while you pulled a loose blanket around your naked body before stepping outside to the fire escape and sitting to look up at the sky.

It felt nice to step away from the dank and musky-scented apartment, even if it was just for a few minutes. Everything leading up to tonight felt so overwhelming and confusing. You knew the first full moon you spent with Scout would be rough. And by God was it ever. You could already tell your poor, overstimulated body would be incredibly sore by morning, assuming you could get any sleep tonight, that was.

For about a month now, you were living like this, but counting the days as they passed while in captivity was difficult. The only measure of time you had at your disposal was the phases of the moon and its effect on Scout. Though it wasn't all awful, there were always those rare evenings he would offer to spend out with you. Sitting outside alone, you thought back to one specific evening out with Scout. The night he took you out to meet his mother.

Honestly, you never thought you'd hold much sympathy for the mother of the man who was planning on keeping you as his "mate." Forcing you into captivity with the final intention to make you into a monster like himself. You only agreed to meet up with him at his Ma's place for dinner because you wanted any excuse to get out of Scout's apartment. You'd bargained with him, agreeing to meet him at his mother's place for a few hours of freedom before dinner.

You never thought he'd grant you independence like this, but something about promising to willingly go with him to meet his Ma made his entire face light up with excitement. 

During those few precious moments away from Scout, you didn't even think to try and run away. It was impossible to try and escape a master predator who could track you down in a matter of minutes, and even if you could get away, what was to stop him from hurting your loved ones to get back at you for the betrayal? Instead, you simply enjoyed some fresh air, went for a long walk, and mentally psyched yourself for dinner. 

The walk to Ma's house felt nostalgic in a melancholic way. You could remember racing over to Scout's house as kids, how his Ma said the door was always open for you. She was beautiful, always kind, and made you feel at home. You couldn't understand why you never saw her husband around. But you knew better than to bring something like that up, especially whenever Scout was around.

When you showed up, you expected to see Scout open the door to greet you. But when you knocked on the front door, you heard someone from inside calling out, "It's open!" 

Timidly, you creaked the door open, still unable to shake the feeling you were dreaming of childhood and would wake up any moment. Tiptoeing your way inside, you heard an old black and white television set playing some old British thriller, the sound just as muffled by static as you remembered. The flat was less cluttered than you remembered but maintained the warmth and coziness you never forgot. 

When your eyes met Scout's Ma, you momentarily forgot the resentment you expected to feel for her, overcome by the joy of seeing an old family friend after so long. She smiled at you, her face and figure softened by years, but she was just as stunning and distinguished as you remembered, nothing less than radiant. You watched her walk from the kitchen to greet you with a warm hug, welcoming you with parental affection as though you were one of her own. For just a moment, you held onto her, suddenly choked up, realizing you could now meet her at eye level.

She pulled away gently, "Good to see ya again."

Taking a slight step back, you cleared your throat, "I apologize; I must be a bit early. I thought Scout would be here by now." You felt a touch awkward, trying to figure out what to do in the absence of Scout.

She turned to walk back to the kitchen, talking to you from over her shoulder. "He was. I sent him out for an errand run. I didn't want the boy smothering ya as soon as I walked in. Can ya come help me set the table?" 

You followed her through the kitchen, "You sent him out?" 

Scout's Ma chuckled, making you freeze up a little, taken aback by how eerily similar Scout sounded when he laughed, "He's been talkin' my ear off all damn day. I just wanted a lil peace and quiet. Can ya blame me?" 

Walking into the kitchen, you could see the small but delicious-smelling meal she prepared for the three of you to share already laid out on the table. You tried to force yourself not to stare and focus on helping her finish setting up. Still, Ma could notice you were distracted, staring off into space, caught up in your own memories. She grinned, "My boy cleaned up the place before you got in. Bless his heart, I ain't ever seen him so determined to clean all his life."

You bit down on your lower lip, unsure how to respond, keeping your gaze fixed on your hands as you laid the silverware down. Did she know about Scout keeping you like a prisoner for nearly a month now? Did she have any idea how dangerous her son really was? You had no idea. "I never thought he'd bother with that sort of thing."

You could see Scout's Ma looking up at you from your peripheral vision, but you didn't have the resolve to meet her eye. "He cares about ya. He's always cared more than he wanted anyone to know."

"So she does know?" You wondered, somewhat confident she knew much more than she was letting on. Looking at her cautiously, you took a seat. "I'm not sure I believe that. Scout's never been the "caring" type… No offense."

She had an odd, far-off look on her face as she nodded, taking a seat by you. "I understand why you'd think that. But he's been through so much; it's not easy for him to love. Not without fear."

Your brow creased, "I don't think I understand." 

She sighed through her nose, looking past you, out the window to the street beyond. "When Scout was a little boy- Every day I told him I loved him. Every day, I patched up that boy's scrapes and made sure he made it home safe every night. And he'll always be my little boy... But I can only do so much for him, y'know?"

Trying your best not to sound nosy, you responded, "What do you mean by that?"

Ma's jaw tightened slightly, her piercing eyes finally meeting yours, "I couldn't make his father stay, for one thing… And I sure as hell couldn't stop him from getting into trouble." 

"So she does know…" You thought, though, for some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to hate her as you thought you would. Scout's Ma couldn't control the guy any more than you could. You tried to lighten the mood a little, offering a weak smile, "Scout's a grown man now. He can handle himself just fine."

She folded her hands across her lap, sitting back in her seat a little, as though deep in thought, and trying to choose her words as carefully as possible. "Scout's a man now, but when his father left- I don't think he ever came back from that."

Leaning forward a little, you rest your hands on the table, "I thought he never knew his father?"

She nodded, "That's what he always said. I think it was the easiest way for him to cope with the disappearance." 

You were about to express your condolences, feeling quite overwhelmed with the new information, but she continued, "I can still remember how he would pretend to go to sleep, waiting to see his father again… I never had the heart to tell Scout his father was never coming back… And to be honest, without you, I think he would still be waiting."

Stiffening slightly, you asked, "What do you mean?"

Finally, she was able to look you in the eye again, appearing much less lost in her own thoughts, "I don't know how to put this, but I think the day he stopped waiting, that was when he made up his mind to become the father he never had." 

You seriously hated how much sense that made. 

Scout's Ma reached across the table, squeezing your hand with hers in a gesture of sympathy. "And there was something about the look on his face when he told me you were back in town… I think he always wanted it to be you."

You nodded. As much as you were terrified by Scout's obsession with you, the idea he'd felt this way since childhood never even occurred to you. She continued, "Believe me, I've seen him chase plenty of girls- but it was nothin' more than foolin' around, you know? Like he was waitin' for you to come back. It's like he always believed you two were meant to be."

Ever since that night, you could not get that one phrase out of your head, "As though it were meant to be…" Even now, the mere thought of it pulled at your heartstrings, doubting you had any chance to escape your destiny. Slipping back inside, you let the blanket fall from your shoulders as you sat back on the little blanket pile by Scout while he shotgunned Bonk with one hand, holding a protein bar in the other. 

Scout allowed you to settle by his side before wrapping an arm around you to pull you closer. Eating seemed to mellow him somewhat, and he wasn't nearly as grabby with you as you nestled into his soft pelt. 

The wholesomeness of the moment didn't last long. As soon as Scout finished his drink, he tossed the can aside, nuzzling closer, looking at you with expectant eyes, "So you wanna…"

You met his eye, "I think I can do one more round…"

That incentive was all he needed before he was back on top, smearing your neck and chest with messy, open-mouthed kisses while he fumbled for a moment, trying to re-find his position against your body. With a bit more force than he intended, Scout pushed you back down on your back, lifting your legs with his arms. Scout got properly situated between your legs, practically shivering with excitement. "Alrighty then! One more round- gotta make it count!"

Feeling that all too familiar swelling at the base of his cock, you winced as he sunk his claws into where he was holding you up by your thighs.

For a moment, he was distracted, groping the soft skin of your thighs with his fingers, making you moan, trying to recapture his attention, "Scout- c'mon please-" A little breathy plea and sleepy bedroom eyes were all it took before Scout could feel his blood rushing straight to his cock, making it throb while his mouth began to salivate.

"God, you look hot as fuck like that!" He was already aligned to penetrate, and you felt your oversensitive nerves forced against his overheated body. "I will never get sick of seein' ya like this- Ya drive me fuckin crazy, y'know that?"

"Scout, just a little more; I can take it!" You tried to keep urging him on, but as soon as he began pushing inside, you felt your head rolling back as you forced yourself to stay nice and pliable for him. A task easier said than done. But even horny out of his mind, Scout could see you were trying your best to hang on for him and make the last round count. 

You were so good to him like that. Scout was so proud to finally call you his girl that he could hardly take it. "I'm gonna make you real proud, I promise! I'm gonna give ya a baby, a-and more! Fuck, we'll have our own pack goin' in no time!"

It was harder to follow along with what he was saying as he picked up speed, his words getting muffled by his growling and wild panting. While you felt your body being used like a toy in his crushing grip. His feral lust and size made your head spin, and as he continued to grind himself against your clit you felt another intense pressure building at the base of your spine. A pleasure which you tried desperately to ride out but hardly could on account of being unable to move against the monster above, but even without being able to stimulate yourself, once you felt his knot building up deep inside, making you come just a few intense thrusts before Scout. Forcing the two of you to remain connected until the swelling went down entirely, Scout took this opportunity to lap apologetically at some of the more intense bitemarks and bruising left on your neck.

You thought you could finally relax when you felt him finally pull out, only to be caught off guard by the feeling of his clumsy fingers trying to force the comeback inside of you without accidentally tearing you apart with his claws. Though, given the night you just endured, you doubted a few more lacerations would mean anything at this point. 

By now, your mind and body felt like two entirely different entities. You could feel a kind of queasiness of being overly filled by Scout, feeling so full you felt paralyzed from the navel down. You wouldn't be surprised if your body was rubbed bright red after hours of overstimulation, though you took immense comfort knowing the long night of passion was coming to a close. Now that Scout agreed to concede for the night, you weren't too scared to snuggle up closer to share body heat for fear of getting roped into "just one more round." 

Scout was too tuckered out to think of asking for any more, and he felt more spent than ever before, the sensation as exhausting as it was euphoric. He watched your limp body latch onto his chest, grinning like an idiot, feeling your fingers getting lost in the dense fur of his pelt. Better than making love under a full moon after dreaming of this his entire life, being able to hold you close made his heart swell. Scout felt so protective to keep you close like this. Cradling you, his baby, while you held a baby of your own, or so he liked to think.

Even though he knew you were probably already asleep by this point, Scout pressed his forehead to the top of your head, whispering, "Ma loves ya, and she's been on my back asking' about grandkids… I'm not tryna pressure you or nothin', but- I mean, I just wanna say- you're gonna fit in perfect with the rest of the family. I know it."

Even if you couldn't hear him say it, to say all that out loud while holding you close felt like a dream come true, and he knew there was nothing he wouldn't do to protect this dream.

#x reader #anonymous #request #yandere #self ship #yandere x reader #yandere tf2 #yandere tf2 scout #monster x reader #monster bf #team fortress 2 x reader #dirty talk #mild tetro #exophilia #breedingkink #mating press #monster x human #werewolf boyfriend #monster mash au #kinktober

[eemamminy-art]

I've been sitting on a fic that I finally finished after slowly picking at it for the last two years.

I feel like people don't really talk about this anxiety around sharing things-- I mean, there is always that anxiety of like, is it good, will people like it, stuff like that, but I guess for me the anxiety's a little different. Don't get me wrong I do have the other anxiety too, I'm very self critical and I do not have confidence in my writing in the same way that I (occasionally) have confidence in my art.

But the thing that's got me in a chokehold is well, that fanfic is complicated for me.

I barely read any fic at all. I barely write either, but I think a lot of writers will only put out a couple of things in a year anyway, but they're at least reading things during that time.

I've never been much for reading. Well, maybe when I was very young and just learning to read, but at some point it became really difficult for me. I don't have any official diagnosis and I always got good grades so there was never any cause to look into it, but reading has always been such an ordeal for me. I'll read a page and get so distracted in outside noises or my own thoughts that I have no idea what I just read. I have to concentrate really deeply for anything to sink in, create a voice in my head to read it to me, and even that sometimes doesn't work and I'm really slow. I use a screen reader and that does help but it still takes immense concentration for me.

Then there's just well, my pickiness. If it's boring or out of character, well that just makes it all the more difficult to focus. Too long and the screen reader's voice begins to drone and I tune it out and my thoughts wander away even as I scan the words going by. If it's not tagged well and I run into my trigger (which is often not tagged for at all) then I not only feel like I wasted my time but also am upset and lingering on the trigger for sometimes hours, sometimes days.

So then, what to do when I post a fic? What justification is there for anyone to bother with mine when I won't bother with theirs? Whether my reasons are good enough or not, whether it's easier for them to read than it is for me, whether you say fandom is give and take or not, I feel like I'm not upholding my end of the deal. You read mine, I read yours. Except I don't, other than maybe a handful of things each year.

And I know it's a problem. I know it makes people feel slighted. It's the same way I feel slighted when I try to engage with other artists and they don't give me the time of day or share my art in return, and then I begin to resent them for the rejection. I'm certain the same thing happens to me with fanfic, that I have all these reasons for why I rarely read fic, and then when I read the 2 or 3 fics that I can manage each year, it's a slap in the face to those who weren't among those rare few.

So I feel held back by it. I'm so bad at responding to ao3 comments too because I feel guilt about it, about not participating in the way everyone else does. So I was excited to finally think of an ending to this fic only to just... do nothing with it.

I have to wonder if anyone else experiences this? Or something similar? Or knows at all what I mean?

#personal #writing stuff #fandom stuff #ok to reblog #I'm just kind of rambling I suppose but I think about this whenever it comes to fic #it's such a difficult subject for me #idk what to do with myself really #when I try to read more I get burnt out immediately and it's not fun

[bringmefoxgloves]

i want to get more into saw/saw blogs b4 X comes out - what r some of ur fave saw blogs

Hi! You caught me at a good time (one where I have energy) so let's see if I can pump this out. I am in no way an authority on the entire Saw fandom so I will only be talking about my little corner of the internet. Please forgive me, my beloved followers, mutuals, and other owners of posts I have loved in this very small fandom-because I may forget some of you. The brain fog sometimes gets the best of me and if I did a full complete list, it would be.... It would be so long. This is in no way in order of best or worst, and sometimes I just have no words for why I love a person's blog.

@turnipoddity - Oh, what an artist! Every single post I see, love it. So excited to see an artist acquiring the Saw brainrot.

@bloodcoveredgf - Luna! Also just all around funny & good posts in addition to the Saw insanities.

@dracofelin - Jay has such good writing, and will make you love the ship of Mark Hoffman/Peter Strahm (coffinshipping).

@thefoulbeast - Simply put, Will's art makes me want to bite my own arm off. If you're interested in the video game Pathologic, his blog is worth a follow for that too.

@bathroomtrapped - I sometimes get the honor of previewing Larry's art mid-construction (because with all those colors and layers, it looks like building a house) and even half finished, it blows my socks off <3

@sawtrapz - Kaz, oh Kaz (!!!), Kaz gets my brain clicking about some of the rarepairs of this fandom and I will always spin your boygirl Adam in my head.

@cl0wnb0yyy - Will is just a great person in the fandom, also if you like Midnight Mass or NBC's Hannibal.

@ispyspookymansion - Kora looms large in the Saw fandom in my mind so it would be impossible to assemble this list without him.

@3razyswfangirl / @kiramillet - Kira's pixel art is amazing!!! Bunny <3

@tibby - Take a look through Tibby's saw meta. You won't be disappointed.

@allegedly-writer - Contrary to Jack's url, Jack can sure damn write! He just posted a fic and guess who it's for <3

@hansy-pansy-art - OUGH another amazing amazing artist. Also currently in a Red Dead Redemption moment, which I love.

@piddgeon - Speaking of RDR.... Mercury! Ah, just. (Chef's kiss) of a human being.

@samwis - Jami, who hears all my most insane horny thoughts who is such a mainstay in my corner of Saw fandom.

@romanromulus - Adam writes fics that will make you scream and cry into your pillow at midnight.

@tapeworrmart - Just. Ough. Art that I dream of one day hanging on my wall.

@vanilladella - a.m.'s art is my discord header. Enough said.

@carouselcometh - Remy is hilarious and also you need to read his series on Ao3.

@onehandkilling / @fatmasc - Shlomo... What do I say? Just go. Follow. Also threw in their fat fashion blog because YES!!!

@angel-trapped - Téa, you absolute legend. Origin of angelshipping (to me) (aka Lindsey Perez/Allison Kerry)

@sawtrapx - Liv, such a fun human being!!!

@starlightsailfish - Star's Saw Warrior Cats makes me dance in excitement.

@iinsawdious - Adrien is the best champion of the Adam & David (Saw 0.5) & Specs (Character from the Insidious franchise, also played by Leigh Whannell) are family hc. I love his enthusiasm!!

@adrianicsea - Adrian! Just. AH!!! Adrian's Sleeping with Ghosts series was perhaps my first introduction (outside of Adam romanromulus) to the sheer brilliance of Saw fandom writers.

@dodddraws - Dodd's art is.... I'm just at a loss for words, scrolling back through his blog. So much nsfw goodness.

@sawvhs - Rar's art is so so so iconic.

Okay I have to cut this list off here, jfc. There's others I should probably put on here but I'm getting tired and sweaty and my hands are hurting. Follow these people, check who they're reblogging from or who is reblogging them, go forth, prosper anon. Welcome to the Saw brainrot.

#wes says things back #jfc did i just do a follow forever in the year of our lord 2023? guess i did #if you do not follow me and i tagged you... i'm sorry for popping up in your notes. #just want to share your brilliance in the saw fandom out there

[curiouselleth]

Oooh, tell me what are your plans for the Gil-Galad is Eluréd please!!!!

Hi @camille-lachenille!!

Thanks for the ask, this fic is spiraling into something possibly longgg, so I'll talk about the events I want to hit with this fic, and certain things I want to write with it. Also sorry this got long lol

I am avoiding big spoilers in this, I am going to be adding a lot of things but I'm staying relatively close to canon so going over what this is going to cover in this way is not very spoiler-y I think.

Well my pl*n (ahem, lol) is for this fragment I posted a while ago to be at the end of the next chapter. From there, Elured will be trying to figure out what to do from there, because he's been crowned king of the Noldor and his pl*n to see if Elwing was alive and live as a happy family flew out the window.

From there, he will try to get in contact with Elurin again. I won't say how that goes, for good or bad because I don't want to give major spoilers, but, well... you know how much angst I write 😂 (take from that what you will lol)

From there - however that goes - we will see more of Elured as High King. I will spend some time on him getting into the job, finding his feet and learning, and in a way finding his identity outside of being Elurin's twin, as someone independent and with such a different kind of power, and his struggle with all this.

And I want to spend some time on the 3rd kinslaying, and the War or Wrath.

The 3rd Kinslaying -

I want to show his point of view from Balar of the leadup, his interactions with Elwing in this time as he tries to protect her and advise her, but she likely pushes away because of how she has been infantized and treated as lesser by some of her advisors and lords and such. I think there would be a few more visits between Elured and Elwing, him meeting Earendil, possibly him at their wedding, meeting Elrond and Elros... some good things for a time.

Then I want his POV as he gets the news. As he rushes to try to help... I'm not departing from canon too much, I am placing Elured into canon as a different character. There will be differences. New things. But I want to explore it like that, without departing too much. We know so few details from that time so it's also exploring that time and what it was like.

Then I want to show him after, what he tries to do, his public acceptance of his sinda heritage, something he likely didn't advertise much beforehand.

From there I would start heading towards the war of wrath, and with Elrond and Elros leaving Maedhros and Maglor and coming to him. I want him to meet and know his nephews, some of his last family, I want him to teach them about their maiar powers... I want them to be a happy not quite family for a little bit. He won't tell them who he truly is of course.

Then the War of Wrath.

I want to cover things getting worse and worse, possibly in small bits with a lot of jumps. What I am particularly excited to write is the unlooked-for arrival of the hosts of the Valar and Finarfin.

I want to write the tension of it, yes, they are here to help but they expect the people of middle earth to stand down and let them handle it, and that will not go over well. I want the tension of them trying to reconcile two kings of the Noldor, them trying to treat Gil-galad as someone young, inexperienced and naive. They think he is going to step down, give his power away, give way to Finarfin's authority. Hell no. Then I want to see him show them who's boss and how they have no idea what they're doing and for them to teach the hosts how this place works, how to truly fight... then of course for the hosts of Valinor to gain some respect for the peoples of middle earth, maybe a Galadriel and Finarfin reunion, and a proper, respectful alliance lol.

(I have Thoughts about the hosts of Valinor finishing the war without the peoples of Beleriand lol)

From there it would be summary or jumping to the end of the war. I'm not sure if I will continue this to the second age, I prefer the first and third ages and know much more about them. But we'll see!

...okay this got a little long and rambly 😂 well I suppose that's always what happens when I talk about my fics lol

This fic, or theory I should say, actually started as part of another fic, but that fic has become a white whale and this one has branched off. This theory will be used in that fic, and this will be part of the universe that fic is in, if I ever get any in post-able form lol

Thanks again for the ask!!!

#about my writing #veil of starlight #elured is gil galad #my writing #my fanfic #my fic #about my fic #about my fanfic #elured #gil galad #silmarillion #the silmarillion #silm #the silm

[clawbehavior]

not actually a question, but a declaration and a thanks.

I love your stories, Enantiomer is especially my personal favorite! I had a greedy moment after I finished reading chapter 3, write a comment that may or may not seem delirious bcs there were things I think I missed (I forgot which is the older twin from Gaon and Isaac), the small things like that. I decided to immediately reread the whole story and I thought, these 3 chapters are enough!

let me tell you, I always shed tears reading the 2nd chapter. chapter 3 feels like having your prayers answered/ a breeze in a very hot weather. it just feels right and peaceful, hopeful ending. the ending is enough to make me wonder how the characters will fare in the future but i have faith they're in a happy place. it's that kind of story for me.

i will reign my excitement and overflowing feelings for this story of yours as to not scare you off or make you overwhelmed with my responses here and there. thankyou you wonderful human!

i once read this beautiful post by Paulo Cohelo where he described getting a comment from a reader across the world about how touching they found The Alchemist, so he got up and and went outside and looked up at the sky. reading your comment made me understand what he meant by that, what he felt, and why he did it. 

i'm so, so happy that 'enantiomers' touched you deeply. because i also care about them deeply. like you, i felt hurt for yohan in chapter 2 and relief for their growing family in chapter 3. but as you know, being a creator means wondering if your art/story/plot/setting/characterization that you experience so richly when creating them also come across like that to your reader; if someone will be similarly moved by your story as you. and you got it!!! you picked up on all these tiny and crucial details; the differences between the twins, how kang jisang had left an impression on isaac, gahan's hyung kink, that gaon badly wanted to be loved and yohan badly wanted to give it to him. getting your comments made writing that story worth it. 

i totally agree that the fic left off on a hopeful note even if the way forwards seems unclear. strong emotions like theirs take time to fully resolve, no matter how genuine the effort behind it. but i know they get through it. gaon and yohan actively include isaac (and his little family) in their lives. they show up when things get tough, congratulate each other on their wins, push each other gently when needed, and are there for each other. isaac's whole thing with their relationship stemmed from a fear of change and losing yohan. but seeing yohan be healthy and happy and being actively included in their lives settles him. as a result, gaon feels secure too. 

actually, reading your comments made me want to write a version of this story where kim deji is alive, gahan still falls in love, and she lovingly guides everyone through that transition. it starts with gaon waiting for his train on an outdoor platform and watching trains pull in and out of the station. he makes eye contact with a university student through the glass. it shouldn't be anything big except that the young man visibly starts and says something to gaon through the glass. gaon blinks back in confusion, but the train is already pulling out of the station. the young man frantically runs the length of it inside while gaon watches. gaon sees him mouthing the words ishmael and isaac, realizes that this man knows his brother/his family and they share a grief stricken look before the train pulls away completely. 

gaon stays rooted to the platform. he misses his train. but it's worth it because yohan gets down at the next station and runs all the way back to the older man, catching hold of him. gaon can barely make out what the younger man is saying, talking a mile a minute as he is, until yohan pulls out his phone, calls kim deji, and gaon hears his mother's voice for the first time in decades. 

--

a little gift for you for your lovely comments. i will cherish them deeply. thank you. 

#a03 #am writing #moots #penpals #i was away from tumblr bc i started a new job on monday #and came back to this beautiful comment #penpalling

[the-cookie-of-doom]

🥺🎯👀✅

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Any type of brotherly bonding, with any of the KP brothers ;_; I'm a middle child and I don't have a good relationship with either of my brothers, so that always gets to me. As for good feels, I love it when Kim is allowed to just be a kid, and for he and Chay to interact as friends, not just boyfriends. Everything about their relationship is so intense all the time, I love it when they get to goof off and play videogames and just enjoy each other's time. Kim is younger than me! He's a baby!

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Yes they have. Unfortunately, outside of Out of the Shadows, I don't have any plot-heavy fics posted, and that one is still in the set-up stage, so there's no real plot to guess on. But back in my teen wolf days, I remember getting so excited whenever someone would predict the plot for Estranged. I legit kept track of users and would dedicate chapters to them when we got to the reveals that they guessed.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

wouldn't you like to know 👀 Idk what to talk about that 1. you don't already know, and 2. that I haven't already gushed about on here. Bc! I! am a wordy bitch! In need of constant validation! Hmmm. I will say... I do have that AU based on the Dum Dum unchained BTS. I've hit somewhat of a block on it so idk when I'll get it finished and posted, but that one is heating up! Kim is nearly-feral and mostly nonverbal after being... kind of trafficked? For a while?? He was kidnapped to use as leverage against his father, however by that point has just left the family, and is no longer useful/wanted. Letting him go was never an option, especially since Korn refused to trade, that would show weakness. And it would be a waste just to kill him... so. Bad times are had. But it's alright, Chay has a thing for lost and wounded strays, he's all too happy to take care of Kim. Too bad Kim can't trust him enough to let him. I also have a PWP cropping up that just needs a few finishing touches. Nothing dramatic there, just a KimChay sex scene instead of their very adorable couch cuddles.

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Depression. I have no idea, I've suddenly forgotten anything I've ever written. No but really, when it comes to long fics, I think I almost always write a nightmare/comfort scene. They're just *clenches fist* so good. Oh, and I'm incapable of writing something purely happy/fluffy. I always wind up working some angst in there somewhere lol . I've given up and accepted my fate

Send me a fic writer ask!

#cookie speaks #thank you friend <3

[librathefangirl]

9, 10 and 17 for your fic wrapped pls 🥺❤️

My pleasure! Here you go 💜

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

Okay, so romantically speaking, this year I've only posted fics for Melizabeth in different constellations - Elizabeth/Meliodas, Goddess Elizabeth/Meliodas, Elizabeth Liones/Meliodas, and Liz/Meliodas. Out of those four, Goddess Elizabeth/Meliodas was the most fun to write. I just really enjoy exploring that era and that pairing to be honest. I mean, enemies-to-lovers in a holy war whose love story was so revolutionary that the gods decided to kill their own heirs?

Liz/Meliodas takes second place because Liz and the Danafor era deserves some more love - but I've only written one fic with Liz and it wasn't that much focus on her/her relationship with Mel in that one.

But if we're talking pairing as in two people with any kind of relationship (romantic, platonic, whatever) then it's hands down Meliodas & Zeldris. I mean, it's the demon bros, do I need to say more? I am, personally, a huge sucker for siblingship of any kind in media. (Maybe because I have a lot of siblings myself? Maybe because my aroace self feel a bigger connection to those relationships even tho I really enjoy romantic ones too). Plus, there is so much fun dynamics to explore with these two; Mel and Zel's childhood, the betrayal, reconciling after everything, or other stuff completely (<- I'm actually low-key working on an au where Mel and Zel are goddesses and Ellie is a demon and it's been really interesting to figure out the brothers' dynamic without the canon betrayal, also they're twins in that one fyi).

10. What work was the quickest to write?

Ooh now that's an interesting question. Let's see... The fastest ones were probably all written in February to be honest, because that was my most productive writing month (I was also doing Febuwhump which added pressure and motivation to complete the fics quick lol).

There All Along was probably the one I finished the quickest. It was written in February, within a day, and also one of my shortest fics.

My Love, It Burns was probably the quickest longer/multichapter fic I wrote this year. It was written during the end of February, also within a day I think, and, well, inspiration just struck. I had a clear idea of what I wanted to write, and was excited to try writing two different endings to the same fic. (Plus I wanted to write the endings close together so they matched up well).

But also telling how quick a fic is to write is hard lol usually I write down the idea and maybe even make the document but then don't actually work on it until days/weeks/months later...

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

This is actually a difficult question. Because while I do love writing about Meliodas (he's my blorbo, my baby - the only fic out out 25 that he wasn't tagged as a character still had him featured in the background and as a "topic"). But I also feel like I tend to write other characters' pov more than his (possibly because he's mostly the one getting whumped lol). So Meliodas is a character I like to write stories of, but if were talking point of view and all, I liked writing Merlin and what's-his-face... Gavin!

Merlin is actually a character I find hard to write (but hey it can be a fun challenge) but also fun to write. I especially love how she can be like a bridge of knowledge between what the other characters know of Meliodas/demons and the truth (that she knows). Writing from Merlin's pov also allows me to really tap into the age and history of Meliodas and her :)

Gavin (my oc from One Man's Beast, aka the Monster Sins AU) was fun to write because to be honest outsider's pov is really funny when the Seven Deadly Sins are involved (the chaos! lol). Also it allowed me to explore the AU in a better way. (<- speaking of, I'm playing around a bit with the outsider's pov in my next Monster Sins AU fic too, because a part of that one is from Dreyfus and/or Hendy's pov)

Anyway! ao3 wrapped (ask game) <- if anyone wanna send me more questions :)

#thanks for the ask <3 #libra answers #zorria #ao3 wrapped ask game #libra talks about her writing #when did this turn into a post promoting my wips lol

[sanguineterrain]

THIS CELEBRATION IS CLOSED.

well, hello there, my little crumb cakes. the rumors are true: your local feral malewife enthusiast will indeed be 20 soon, if you can believe it. i thought it'd be fun to do something special to celebrate my two decades on mother earth, so…

𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕖'𝕤 𝟚𝟘𝕥𝕙 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕤𝕙!

this celebration will run from march 3rd (mar. 4 is my actual birthday!) — march 10th. anyone 18+ can participate!

feel free to send stuff in now :)

are you excited?! here are the festivities i've planned:

🎁 — presents! can't have a party without presents, silly. but i wanna give you something! (mutuals only) send this and i'll write a little love letter to you, 'cause I love you all so so much. 🥰 

🎵 — hey, are we gonna dance, or what?! okay, fine, i'll pick the song. send me 3-5 of your favorite things and i'll give you a song rec based on those vibes.

there are party games too...

💏 — send one of these for a kiss, marry, exile (because I'm a benevolent, pacifist girlblogger who doesn't believe in killing. mostly.) send three characters (18+ of course) for me to decide fates for. can be outside of ST and mcu!

🪄 — send me this for a CYM (cast your mutuals) along with something to cast my mooties as! fruits, characters from a show, queen albums, anything! (**mutuals, if you don't want to be tagged for this, please lmk. no hard feelings 🫶)

📖 — send me one of these for a rec! this can be a rec for me or i can give you some recs. a fic, a movie, a song, anything! 

📝 — did you know i'm a writer? 👉👈 yeah, little known fact. send me a prompt from one of these lists (don't forget to tell me which one!) and a character and i'll write a little somethin'.

List 1 | List 2 | List 3 | List 4

i will write for steve harrington, eddie munson, and robin buckley. i'll also write steddie! NO SMUT. 

there's cake and refreshments, but make sure everybody gets a slice! 

🍰 — do YOU have a talented creative blogger you want to kiss on the mouth every time they post something? send me a username or usernames of writers, artists, gif makers, basically anyone who makes stuff, and i'll post it and let them know they're appreciated ❤️ and you know what? i would be none the wiser if you put yourself, so…

☕— this is an anti-capitalist blog, so i don't require an exchange of goods and services for us to interact. treat this like a week-long sleepover! tell me about your day, send me pictures of your pets, ask me advice (20 year olds are known for their wisdom btw), tell me your starbucks order (I'm a pink drink truther), anything! this event is, above all, a time to interact. so ask/send me stuff, psychoanalyze me, declare your undying love for me, etc. 😎

tagging some peeps i think might be interested under the cut

@cryinthecar @thesoftestpunk @thornsnvultures @itistimeforusalltodecidewhoweare @starchildbucky @stevebabey @stevestummy @spideystevie @joellkeeny @starrystevie @cable-knit-sweater @real-jane

#sanne's birthday bash #birthday celebration #blog event #fun stuff

[boleynns]

Do u have fic recommendations?

I'm gonna assume this is for Daemon/Rhaenyra since that has been all I've talked about for months haha. And definitely have plenty of recs! In general I love reading really long fic (like, in really popular pairings I will set my parameters to see 50k+ or 100k+ fics only...), so due to the relative newness of this ship's popularity, most of my recs are incomplete. I also have way more that I am subscribed to that absolutely could be faves eventually, but that are just a little too early in the story to guarantee.

Canon/Canon!AU

To Ashes (Series) by Emerald_Aphelion (~30k, series incomplete but has 3 complete works so far) -- AU from Daemon's return from the Stepstones, basically where Daemon and Rhaenyra are just a little more thoughtful and forward-thinking within their relationship and with the political situation they're in. Established Relationship Vibes but also slow burn romance at the same time, they make each other smarter and better by working together, Rhaenyra bonds with baby!Aegon AND Rhea, Daemon picks Rhaenyra up and puts her on a table and calls her his queen at one point (hot), and this is the ideal Dance fix-it.

my eyes are aching to see you--126AC by SeveDeChampagne (~2.5k, complete) -- set between Episode 7 and 8, a very spicy First Time Post-Birth one-shot that contains multiple sentences that are some of the most intensely romantic things I've ever read. Considering my love of long fics, it takes a special kind of short fic for me to be so moved and attached.

How to Win Thrones and Ensnare Dragons by Writer_in_the__Dark (~15k, incomplete) -- Time Travel AU (my kink) where Rhaenyra is reborn into her baby-self. Only a few chapters in but I am HOOKED by the writing style and characterization of The Early Years dynamic, and am so looking forward to seeing how this evolves as time moves forward -- but based on the writing so far, I know it will be wonderful.

put down that gravestone by darkgods (~35k, incomplete) -- Post-Episode 4 AU, where Daemon went back to the Vale and Rhea didn't die, and then Rhaenyra gave birth to very Daemon-looking twins (wonder how that happened!), and then 10 years later Rhea has dead and Viserys invites Daemon back to be Hand. This story is so well-written and rich with character detail, I honestly just want to re-read it over and over! It has so beautifully dove into Rhaenyra's psyche, Daemon's personality (from his own perspective and from others), built a very sad and realistic portrait of Jace and Luke's lives as outcasts in court, set up some deliciously hurtful and complicated strings to unravel between Daemon and Rhaenyra due to this inciting situation, and has already indulged my pathological need for some Outside POV content by adding in Luke's (very well-written) perspective on a dinner scene. The fact that the chapter count is currently at 4/36 and we already have 35k words has me so hyped, you guys don't understand how badly I need piles and piles of giant fics.

Significance by AmazingAngie (~21k, incomplete) -- AmazingAngie is amazing because of how quickly she writes such amazing material! This is a Soulmate!AU, and this one in particular is just so insanely lovely so far! I'm a sucker for a "meant to be" setup so I will always love those from the get go, but I especially love the nuance in this story, and the ways that knowing that they are the endgame changes the trajectory of all of these characters lives.

you came/you called by scarlettscribbles (~10k, incomplete) -- basically an Episode 10 AU, kind of, but beyond that I just suggest reading it and going with the flow, because once I was like 80% into this first chapter I finally realized what was happening and it was so exciting. Needless to say I am pumped for the rest of the story.

Modern!AU

No joke I have literally NEVER liked Modern!AU's before, except for with 'Merlin' (because even if it wasn't explicitly stated, I could pretend that it was Reincarnation). It has just never appealed to me, until now with Daemon and Rhaenyra -- because they are just that powerful. Also none of my Modern!AU faves are any of that "Oh, actually, Daemon is adopted, or they're third cousins twice removed, or Daemon is only a ~symbolic uncle", like, we all know what we're doing here 😂

Lets Ignite Under the Ember Skies by grandlovescheme (26k, complete) -- So freaking good! The uncertainty, the jealousy, the tension, the ~vibes, the ~sexy ~vibes, it is a tightly-written and very well-characterized modern version of these characters and I love it.

Petrichor by sweetestsorrows (katschako) (~23k, incomplete) -- one of the chapters made me cry for real. Very intense "we are way too close to be appropriate, and it is causing angst, but i wanna be closer..." vibes, and I am so here for it. It really is wonderfully translating their bond to a modern lens, and all the problems and tensions that would come along with that dynamic. It made me go "omg that is so intensely romantic", it made me literally cry, it made me go "ooh ~spicy", its got it all.

the beauty queen in tears by writingwhatidream (~30k, incomplete) -- AHHH I am obsessed with this story (almost as obsessed as Crispin is with Rhaenyra in it...). To try and sum it up, it is a Modern!AU A/B/O Royal Family fic...but that all sounds so much more reductive than it actually reads. For me, it is: delicious Daemon/Rhaenyra "Us Against the World" vibes, where even if they're not physically together they are 100% together, with a healthy (or rather unhealthy, in-context) dose of creepy Outsider POV, and the promise of Alpha/Omega-induced drama, love, possessiveness, and danger to come. It is juicy and beautifully written, and is giving me so many things I want all in one place.

#thank the gods for writers writing the best stuff for free #hotd #daemon x rhaenyra #there is so much good fic happening i am truly personally blessed to read it

[robo-cryptid]

Do you consider yourself a Yeehan shipper? And if so, why? I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, I’m a relatively new shipper (started playing this year, and other Yeehan shippers directed me to your work), but I’ve seen some of your tweets and in many of them you seem to have more negative things to say about how they make you feel than positive. So I was curious to know your stance on them, and why you keep writing for them. (If this is too invasive, you don’t have to reply)

Also, I really enjoyed Ricochet. It sold the ship to me, basically (but now I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing)..

First off, I'm really glad you liked Ricochet! It's one of the fics I'm still really proud of, and I'm currently in a project with fanartist @showerwhoops and a friend who makes fandom light novels to make it printable with lots of gorgeous art. I mean, mostly I just love collabs and wanna support G's light novel-making hobby, but hopefully other people will find that exciting to know.

With regard to Yeehan, lol, I'm struggling to figure out how to answer this, especially without context for which tweets in particular. The simple answer is yeah, I'm a Yeehan shipper. I love them. I've said it before, but I basically trauma-bonded to them and can't let go. But also I love the themes of redemption and the various forms that can take, and people finding love not when they're young and fresh-faced but when they're jaded and have been through some shit, and seeing two people fight not only to make the world better but to make themselves better people together. I love all of that. It's delicious. I also love writing them as dumb himbos because why the heck not.

I've been in this fandom since 2018. I've written 70+ fics just for Yeehan (plus a few dozen others for the rest of Overwatch), and I'm still writing it. Of my last three art commissions, one was Hanzo and one was Yeehan. I started Yeehan Fic Rec Friday (@yeehanfrf) to help new people find good Yeehan recs sourced from the community, not just one person, and to lift up my fellow writers. All of this is on my twitter, and that's not even getting into all the fan events I've participated in, etc., before this year. So yeah, I'd say I'm a fan, lol.

Unless you're mistaking my shitposting and lovingly mocking the characters for meanness, maybe the negativity you're seeing is when I'm being critical of the fandom itself? In which case... you know, I'm going to take this as an opportunity. And it's gonna get kind of long, so let's go behind a cut.

I can only reiterate that I've been here since 2018. I've seen so much shit, and while some of it has come from "outsiders" (other shippers, people who are sick of Overwatch, etc.), plenty of it has come from my fellow Yeehans too. And while most of my frustration with the Yeehan fandom is on the level of, you know, family that you love but would like to shake some sense into, that doesn't change that it can be frustrating.

Here, an assuredly incomplete list of all the things I've experienced from other Yeehan fans:

I've seen people harassed outright for drawing/writing the "wrong" character bottoming. I've seen literally dozens of nonbinary and transmasc people misgendered and harassed for being "fujoshi" "fetishizinig mlm," because nothing says great justice like blending transphobia and misogyny to attack real people over fictional characters. I've been here for at least 10 different rounds of witch hunts for various fandom "crimes" like people shipping characters with a bad-idea-in-real-life age gap or power imbalance, or even just shipping the same character with multiple people.

I was here when Cassidy's animated short dropped and it took less than an hour to see hate posts about Ashe. And I was also here when fandom retconned the tale of those events to claim Yeehan fans only hate her because some of her fans are shitty, and it can't possibly under any circumstances be misogyny ever. (Which is not saying that some of her fans aren't shitty. It's just that some Yeehan fans are also shitty and in denial about it.)

I've been outright harassed for talking about fandom misogyny, no matter how kitten gentle and "Let's Have a Teaching Moment" I've been about it. I've been harassed for pointing out fandom racism. I've seen a friend get ostracized and harassed much worse for pointing out the same fandom racism and misogyny. And this is, of course, on top of actually seeing and reading racist portrayals of Hanzo and occasionally Cassidy, and seeing and reading constant misogyny (mostly over Ashe, but not exclusive to her) to remind me that men get to have greater interiority and receive more sympathy and get their flaws smoothed over in ways women never do, in fiction and in reality. But hey, don't point any of that out, because fandom is supposed to be a place for escapism, even if those things are making it difficult to escape, yourself! (And then of course I've seen people attacked really harshly over the kind of "they probably genuinely did not know better and it would have been an easy fix if someone just very kindly explained it to them instead of needing to publicly punish them" racism or misogyny.)

I've had someone hold a sustained, months-long campaign of just constantly shit-talking me and low-grade harassing me across multiple Discord servers, and recruiting their friends to do the same, all because I said, "Hey, you've been consistently rude and also triggered me this one time."

I've had anons in my inbox doing everything from demanding I write more to accusing me of pedophilia (or supporting it) for... I don't even know at this point, lol. Because that's a thing people do in fandoms, I guess.

Maybe because I'm prolific or maybe because I actually talk to anons or maybe because I have a follower count above the triple digits, a lot of people have treated me like I'm nothing but a content machine, not a person, which is something I've seen plenty of people do to other artists and writers across fandom. It's crummy. It makes me feel like I don't belong here if I'm not "producing," and even then I'm only tolerated for that, not for, like, my basic humanity (or being funny as hell imho). I've had people attack me over dumb jokes or act like I'm not a "real fan" for them (despite the aforementioned 70+ fics, like I guess those don't count if I make a joke about Cassidy being kind of a douche one time in his animated short).

And anything that's happened to me, I've seen happen to other people. Often worse, actually, because I get far fewer rude comments on my fanfic than several of my friends do, and nobody's misgendering me when they imply I'm a woman, even if they do sometimes erase my queerness.

On the scale of things that are mostly just annoying/stressful and not so much acts of aggression, fandom does this thing where it just freaks out (positive or negative) about something instantly, so I get spoiled on stuff if I don't see it within 15 minutes after it dropped? That's frustrating, especially if the reaction is largely negative, so I'm just, like, absorbing all these bad vibes before I ever get to see the thing for myself.

And then, you know, shipwars. Shipwars are obnoxious. They are exhausting. I do not have time for them. They are also unavoidable these days. Any time I go searching for content, there's someone shitting on Yeehan and someone else stirring the pot by replying to them, and frankly it's just tiresome from all sides. (Besides, I think if you're a fan of the juggernaut ship in a fandom, you've gotta chill and recognize people will find you annoying, then go comfort yourself with your near-daily fanarts and over 6,000 fics. This doesn't mean they're allowed to be absolutely garbage monsters and harass people. Like I'm not pretending Yeehan fans are the only people capable of sucking, lol. They aren't! Online harassment is shitty at all times! But if all they're saying is, "Why does Yeehan get so much attention? I hate it," you can just ignore them, mute them, block them, whatever you gotta do.)

In general, I'm often critical of fandom, especially my corner of it, mostly because I'm a social scientist by training so observing groups of people is what I do. Like genuinely, I enjoy holding the world around me under a microscope. But also in terms of reach and efficacy, I'm more interested in "cleaning up my own backyard," so to speak, than arguing with people who wouldn't listen to me anyway (Yeehan antis in this case, I guess). So when I turn the "negative" lens on, it's of course going to be aimed at the community I'm most embedded in. It doesn't mean people outside of Yeehan are better or worse people; they're just not the ones I'm exposed to constantly, lol.

But also, as many bad things as this sounds like, I've actually mostly enjoyed my time in this fandom. I've made a ton of friends here, people I adore and respect and am so, so grateful to have in my life. I've gotten to be part of some really cool projects. I've been lucky enough to experience the absolute joy of knowing people like something that I've made, of getting to make stuff for people, of people telling me I inspired them to make things. All of those are really special, wonderful things that places like fandom cultivate, and I love that part so much that it makes me feel gooey and self-conscious about trying to articulate it.

Anyway. I'm sure the actual question you asked got answered in the paragraphs above the cut, but just in case it didn't, it was nice to be able to just say all the things anyway. You're new here. I hope you enjoy all the fun parts and don't get bogged down by the crummy ones. Also you should definitely check out the @yeehanfrf rec lists if you haven't.

#robo answers #anonymous #whoops this got long but #have fun reading this absolute word dumpster

[eyedelater]

i have written a post to encompass every thought i have had about the golden kamuy character ogata hyakunosuke. i couldn't help writing it, and here it is. it includes analysis, interpretation, confusion, thoughts about shipping, and spoilers all the way to the end of the manga.

the post is incredibly long because i wanted it all in one place... i'm sure that much of this has been said by other people, but i haven't read anything anyone else has said. this is purely between me and canon. i have now read golden kamuy through twice and watched the anime once. i missed a lot on the first read, and i probably missed some things on the second read too.

i can't help but love the character ogata hyakunosuke. i know a lot of it is the character design: sneaky eyes with built-in eyeliner, greasy all-back hairstyle with a powerful ahoge (and don't try to tell me an ahoge is not what it is), little beard that somehow skirts past my strong dislike for nasty little beards. he's so crafty… he's sorta weak in close combat… he's completely wrong about things such as killing one's parents and the nature of guilt… he's confident right up until he isn't…

normally if a character captures my interest like this, i want to ship them with another character so i can be satisfied by looking at amusing fanart of them outside of canon. but there honestly isn't anyone i want to pair him with… the fact of his eventual death notwithstanding. (i don't ship dead characters. too sad.) he's great as a cruel and calculating loner who thinks he knows what he wants but doesn't. i don't feel a need to see fun and exciting shipping antics with this character in particular. i will to look at some fanart to see what i can get out of it, but i'm really satisfied by just what happens in canon. and yet i still feel like i have to make sense of these feelings, so i'm writing a post that nobody asked for (just like all my other posts).

i'm annoyed with myself because as i was first reading golden kamuy, it took a long, long time to dawn on me that there MUST be people who think of ogata hyakunosuke as their favorite silly little cinnamon roll and make obnoxiously cute posts about what he would do in domestic situations and stuff. as we learned more about him, i became certain that some people must feel that way, Despite Everything. and i was so very annoyed by the thought of it that i decided to make it a point to dislike ogata… to buck the trend. to avoid biting the fandom bait. BUT IT DIDN'T WORK………… he grew on me… ugh. i still really, really don't want to see fluffy fics with him or anything like that though. god. i have less patience than ever for fandom content that cutesifies every character. especially fucked up weird horrible men like him <3

it's an incredibly audacious move to create a merciless sniper character who killed three (3) members of his closest family (and who knows how many soldiers) and then also give him explicitly catlike characteristics and behaviors, all the while knowing that everyone loves cats!!! (slams table.) fuck off! noda-sensei had to have been trying to induce brain-melting levels of cognitive dissonance in the minds of horny readers who desperately want catboy hyakunosuke to be their poor little meow meow but also want to cancel him for being a bad dude. i'm not immune

i like ogata in kind of the same way i like crocodile one piece. they're weird and smug and fun to watch. and of course, they're similar in some ways. the greasy all-back hair with pieces falling down, and the facial stitches, and the excessive confidence, and their voice actors being perfect. and, you know, the being villains who are eventually defeated. crocodile lets out his slow laugh whenever he feels things are going his way, and ogata just does a little shit-eating grin, and they're both perfect. key difference: ogata gets naked

i have been made aware that a non-zero amount of people ship ogata with asirpa, and those people might benefit from being run over by a car. asirpa is excluded from shipping of any sort, no exceptions, because she is 13 years old and 95% of the other characters are (bizarre, horrible) adult men. the fact that she has a one-sided crush on sugimoto for some amount of time is perfectly natural and reasonable given the circumstances (i believe that anyone would fall in love with sugimoto if they were in her place). the relationship between sugimoto and asirpa is that of a wonderful, wholesome, and strong found family.

back to ogata. i liked that during his first appearance, he gets his arm broken, gets beaned on the back of the head with his own gun, falls into a ravine, hits his face on a cliff, and bounces off the cliff into the icy river. that was so early in the story that his character design wasn't even nailed down yet, and that scene can be easy to forget, but it should be remembered. i like when ogata gets shot in the chest and the shoulder. i like when we get just a little snapshot of ogata knocked out cold at the stenka. i like the flashback of masked ogata getting his face bloodied by teen koito and then having to pretend like it never happened even though he's pissed. i like when ogata gets the snot beat out of him by usami. this is not a toga-himiko-like aesthetic preference for a man's bloody and beat-up body. rather, i love how he has strong (and justified) confidence in his one skill (sniping) and therefore seems confident overall but keeps getting busted up anyway because he's weak in close combat. it's a good dissonance.

i love seeing ogata smugly perched on things… it's like, "ah, there he is…!"

i love ogata feeling guilty about only the worst murder he committed and none of the others… he was testing his limits, and he found them. it didn't stop him from killing again, but he never got over it either.

i love ogata being the only one who chose not to hold hands and jump at the beach scene… doesn't want to make a fool of himself… but he made a funny face when he got beaned in the back of the head, didn't he. i like the ogata who gets made a fool out of.

after the ordeal with anehata shiton, ogata said that all men feel regretful and disgusted after they shoot their load. probably that's all he's ever felt, doing it with prostitutes and such, if at all. makes a little note in my notebook

ogata does terribly cruel things, and he must recognize to some degree that people will see his actions as cruel, but he doesn't do it for the sake of being cruel. he is heartless, but only when he feels he has a reason. everything is analyzed based purely on how it will affect him, and he acts that way consistently throughout the entire story. he can mime kindness if he has to, but clumsily. he cultivates a trusting relationship with asirpa purely because he understands that nopperabou is her father. he goes along with what sugimoto wants purely for convenience and because he understands how strong/dangerous sugimoto is. he shoots wilk, despite knowing that he is asirpa's father and that she will be very upset, purely because he wants to limit the spread of whatever information wilk has about the gold. he shoots sugimoto, his ally for months, not to be cruel, not as revenge for almost killing him that one time, but to eliminate a potential complication to his plan. the only one he really needs in his party is asirpa, and all asirpa is to him is the key to the gold, and all the gold is to him is a path to climb the ranks to prove that his father was worthless. his behavior is unpredictable on first read, but when rereading, it's incredibly consistent. his lack of guilt is entirely premised on what he can justify to himself, and he's great at justifying anything in his own mind. but there is a limit, and yuusaku was that limit; what haunts him most about yuusaku's death is that this time, he can't justify it. he didn't have a good reason. that causes a crack in the foundation of his entire personality, and when he gets acute aconite poisoning from asirpa's arrow, the anxiety it brings is what causes that crack to spread and his entire ego to collapse.

can someone count how many panels feature ogata's face and then also count how many of those panels show him smoothing back his greasy hair and give me some kind of ratio? i think it's high. i think the ratio is high. though i didn't notice until a couple hundred chapters in. but on reread it's like yeah, every other ogata panel, he's got his hand on his head. i do like when an author commits to a tic. no one else in the story has such an obvious repeating tic, i think. he even gets a nade nade (pet pet) sound effect when he's smoothing his hair repeatedly out of nervousness (after he shot the reindeer by accident).

have i mentioned i hate nasty little beards but ogata's slides right in under the gate? that's another cognitive dissonance for me, and it's tough. hard to get over this one.

"daily affirmations i Can be normal about that man"

~quote from deleted post by a tumblr user who maybe doesn't want credit bc they deleted their post

he dishes out smug grins when things are going his way, but he dishes out WRY grins when things AREN'T going his way! hoargh! (throwing up hands)

it's worth noting, to defend my honor, that ogata is not the only one who grew on me. everyone grew on me. another important one is tsukishima, who i admit i wasn't paying very much attention to until they started heading toward karafuto (during the first reading) and then i was like, that was the guy in the coal mine... right? oh, he's been there The Whole Time. and his design didn't change very much. he grew on me a lot. first you think snake nose, but then you think bunny nose. (someone on pixiv said gorilla nose? i don't like that…) his little beard doesn't strike me as nasty either (why not?? i don't know.) of course, koito was the boy of the hour as soon as he first appeared, and i paid a normal amount of attention to him. (the only part of his design that changed is that his eyebrows got stronger and his parted hair got fixed. actually his part seems to fluctuate between messy and neat.) i really like the dynamic of koito being a needy younger pain-in-the-ass to tsukishima while outranking him and being taller than him. in japanese, tsukishima always addresses him with polite speech, and koito rarely even addresses tsukishima with an honorific. tsukikoi seems to be a good and semi-wholesome ship… you know, semi-wholesome. listen, they end up together forever at the end, so it's fine. you guys can make obnoxiously cute posts about what they would do in domestic situations if you want. so anyway, it's not just ogata who got my attention. but it is ogata who this post is about, so let's end this paragraph and leave room for more notes.

Noda-sensei will use any and every opportunity to show you the silhouette of a dick and balls swinging around during an action scene where people happen to be naked. However, he doesn't do that with Ogata. The reason is that he wants you to remember that Ogata is a serious bad guy character and doesn't want you laughing at his dick and balls. For the same reason, he also precludes Ogata from partaking in the horny otter sumo wrestling. In this essay, I will-- ok just kidding, they showed his dick and balls when he kicked koito in the face. and then they showed that exact panel again a few chapters later. with his dick and balls again.

i bet the hyaku in hyakunosuke is obviously referring to getting a 100% hit rate. (hyaku means 100, same kanji and everything. -nosuke is a common ending for a boy's name.) or to put it in sogeking terms, 100 shots, 100 hits, lu lu la la lu

it's interesting that out of the 4 people we see tsurumi gratuitously manipulate into loyalty, ogata is the only one where it doesn't stick very well. to be fair, tsurumi played his game with ogata a bit differently than with the others. he helped ogata kill his father and promised to help him rise through the ranks, but ogata didn't understand at first that tsurumi had an ulterior motive that would make hanazawa's death a win-win for him. it was usami who brought up mantetsu and made ogata understand he was being manipulated. but even knowing that, he thought tsurumi might uphold the other part of his end of the deal by helping ogata get into the army academy, so he was willing to play along. of course, tsurumi's time was split between everyone he was trying to manipulate (as well as pursuing his main goals), so everything couldn't happen at once. another problem was that each of them wanted to be daddy's only special little boy, and ogata was no exception, so he got impatient upon seeing him pay attention to the others and thought tsurumi wasn't working to help him fast enough. it was only when ogata decided that tsurumi wasn't holding up his end of the deal that he decided to betray him by working for central (in the hopes that central could uphold a similar deal instead). i think i'm getting that right. compared to what tsurumi did for tsukishima, he didn't do that much for ogata. but tsukishima was his masterpiece of manipulation-- look how much he got out of him. in the end, tsurumi wanted to cultivate soldiers who are dogs among sheep, but of course, ogata is a cat in that metaphor…

i didn't read the manga well enough the first time and was thinking that ogata's failure to advance in the ranks was because he just wasn't really good at anything but sniping, and sniping wasn't properly appreciated by the higher-ups. while those two things are basically true, i now understand that he couldn't get promoted because he didn't attend the necessary school and was ineligible for any promotion above his current rank, regardless of his skills. and that's why his roundabout desire to climb in the ranks was hinged on his going back to school, which he couldn't do without the help of either tsurumi or central. so complicated…

people ship ogata and sugimoto, and i'm really torn about that. they do look kinda good together, but first and foremost, sugimoto deserves better (and he deserves a character who doesn't die at the end). i also think that the dynamic between those two is not that fun or interesting-- yeah, they almost kill each other and then save each other, etc., and that's fun, but i mean all the other interactions. i think there's not that much potential between them. plus ogata shoots him in the head. maybe that part should have come first and foremost. he does shoot the man in the head. that being said, of course, there's not a lot of great options for sugimoto to begin with, so i understand when people want to put him with ogata-- they need someone for sugimoto to be horny with, and they need someone for ogata to be horny with. like, who else do we have for sugimoto? shiraishi? you could argue for it… tanigaki? but what he has with inkarmat is pretty good, and i hate to sully canon romances by shipping against them. kiroranke? dies. anyone in the army? they're living in different worlds at the end of the story… just not a lot of great options for sugimoto, who deserves the best. also, if ogata and sugimoto had anything between them, ogata's death would make sugimoto sad, and i wouldn't like that.

shiraishi/ogata might be funny though. i like that scene when shiraishi is like "boy am i hungry!" to the man with a gun who likes to hunt and ogata doesn't say anything or look at him. (other good options for shiraishi include kiroranke [who dies] and boutarou [who dies]. that's 3 for 3 dead. unfortunate.)

i saw some ogata fanart. some artists like to give him Sneaky Squints and Crafty Grin all the time. he is sneaky, and he has distinctive eyes, but i think canon makes it clear that Sneaky Squints and Crafty Grin is a very rare special occasion thing, and a huge majority of the time he only has Glassy Eyes and nothing at all going on with the mouth. and that is the righteous truth. in a manga, facial expressions are a very important part of characterization, especially for characters who are always around but not always involved, so i prefer fanart where people try to emulate (and exaggerate) the faces a character makes in canon instead of assigning their preferred faces to a given character. (an unrelated example of this assigning of preferences would be taking two complex characters and turning one into Stoic Seme and the other into Weepy Uke. it is shocking how thoroughly and audaciously people will squish characters into those two molds. what a waste of time.) i get that i'm probably in the top 1% of sticklerism when it comes to wanting characters to adhere strictly to canon in certain ways, but it's because i strongly feel that canon ogata who is making a neutral Ogata Face 95% of the time and a rare Other Face 5% of the time is true and beautiful. to sully that by tailoring his character to your preferences is your prerogative, but to hate that is also my prerogative. not that i would ever leave negative comments or anything along those lines, ever. because that's stupid and a waste of time. the most time i will waste in that way is the time it takes to write what i've been writing here.

ogata dakimakura is permitted but it has to be ogata laid up on a stretcher, wrapped up, splinted arm, with his face all puffy after getting dumped in the river by sugimoto. or it has to be ogata standing up wearing his uniform complete with little cape and his gun on his back and looking through his binoculars into the distance. or it has to be a watchtower spanning the length of the pillow and ogata is perched in it, looking through his binoculars into the distance.

i hate the relationship between ogata and usami. usami is the ultimate slimy little dog (derogatory). nasty little freak usami. ogata is wrong about almost everything, but he was right about usami being the cheapest piece on tsurumi's gameboard. nasty little wannabe sexual predator usami. that scene where ogata's like "i'm normal, right?" and usami is affirming all the things he's wrong about, it's like, the man is fucked up enough already! i can't believe i'm saying this, but you're a corrupting influence on him! i don't like how usami calls ogata "hyakunosuke" like they're friends… tsurumi calls him that because he's manipulating him and a cool dad calls his special little boy by his given name, but usami fucking hates him, and yet he calls him that anyway. something gross about it. usami's death was perfect. nasty little death. and i liked how ogata kept quiet due to bullet in mouth while usami was going on and on saying whatever he wanted while he beat the shit out of him, and then usami left after getting shot, and ogata felt compelled to say his one-liner to himself. fuckin nerd

i like the ogata who is seriously, seriously wondering if he's being haunted by his brother's ghost.

i think my one main beef with everyday heroes scans, who did an overall great job scanlating, is that they should have kept honorifics. keeping honorifics is a tough choice to make for a translator because it can be confusing for an english reader, especially when you come across one that's out of the standard few. but i was very surprised to find upon watching the anime that sugimoto calls asirpa "asirpa-san"; i had no way of knowing that in the manga! even though she's so much younger than him, even when their relationship becomes very close, even when yelling out her name in moments of desperation, he keeps the honorific. it might just be out of habit, but i think it indicates how much he respects her. it might be small, but something is lost by omitting the -san. honorifics and the ways people address each other are very important in japanese, and because this story takes place chiefly in japan, chiefly among japanese (and japanese-speaking) characters, i think keeping honorifics would have been perfectly appropriate in this circumstance. i also think it would have clarified some things for the readers rather than confusing them. (for contrast, it would make perfect sense to omit honorifics in a story that doesn't take place in japan but just happens to be written in japanese… though some meaning would still be lost.) (side note: EH scans does in fact keep some honorifics: the ainu word "nispa.") and sometimes, omitting the honorific in a context where it is important can make the translated wording MORE awkward. the example i'm thinking of is when ogata is recovering in the hospital and the scanlation shows him muttering, "yuusaku… sir…" now i'm 98% sure that ogata called yuusaku "yuusaku-dono," even though younger siblings typically get no honorifics, because yuusaku outranked him (and also maybe to show distance between them), and that's what he's muttering in that scene. i think it's less weird to call your younger half-sibling "-dono" in japanese than it would be to call your younger half-sibling "sir" in english. it's an in-between level of respect (and distance) that doesn't exist in english. so it became weirder in english, and leaving the honorific would have preserved that meaning. well, i do respect that EH scans made their decision about honorifics in the very beginning and then stuck with it to the very end. i guess it would have been worse if they selectively added in SOME honorifics when they thought it was important. but my opinion is that they should have made the decision to keep honorifics from the beginning.

in chapter 283, ogata falls asleep on the train and dreams of his mother singing a traditional song to him about how the way there is easy, but the way back is scary. i think the symbolism is clearly that it was easy for him to kill his mother and his brother, but it's not easy (or possible) to take it back. it's a one-way path that he chose. it's another subconscious manifestation of his feelings of guilt.

now here is something i've been puzzling over but which everyone but me has probably already made sense of. i think this is the only part of the manga that has stuck with me BECAUSE i am confused by it. chapter 199, page 6. kidnapped koito otonoshin, whose father just told him over the phone that he cannot be saved, is saying something heartbreaking in reply, and one of his captors is rubbing his back as if to comfort him. what else could that be but a comforting hand? am i mistaken? and it's got to be important because it takes up THREE panels! now, if you're like me and you've decided that tsukikoi is the OTP of golden kamuy, your first thought was to want tsukishima to be the one under the white hat, and ogata is the one watching disapprovingly because he's a jerk. but otonoshin smacks and bloodies the face of man in the white hat with the back of his head, and the wounds we later see (and basically everything else) make it clear that the white hat was ogata. (then of course they put those hats on russian-looking corpses that they obtained… somehow. kidnapped off the street?) (side note: when they take the white hat and mask off one of the corpses, otonoshin should have been suspicious right away, because that guy's nose wasn't bloodied or anything. but i'll let his lack of perception slide given the circumstances. unless he remembers it in a later chapter and i'm the one who forgot.) anyway, so it was clearly ogata who rubbed otonoshin's back, which seems really weird and out of character. i was thinking that it must have been that tsurumi gave them orders along the lines of not completely breaking the kid's will and making sure he isn't too physically or emotionally hurt (or else he and his father wouldn't be usable in the future). this would gel with the fact that tsurumi seems slightly surprised/perturbed when commander koito says he's going to tell otonoshin to die for his country (because of course that's not what tsurumi wants or had planned for). so maybe ogata interpreted those orders, thought otonoshin was giving up on life, and decided that he should make sure the kid's will wasn't completely broken by providing a little comfort. and then the glare from the black hat is tsukishima with a sentiment like, "you're giving the game away, you dumb piece of shit! captors wouldn't do that! ESPECIALLY IF THEY DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE!" but another possibility occurs to me. we heard from ogata when he was pointing his gun at huci that he doesn't want to just kill someone's grandma if he can help it. he's a cold-blooded killer when he thinks he has a reason, but maybe he does have the thinnest sentimental streak when it comes to people he does not perceive as a threat. so maybe that thin streak is showing here? kidnapping some weak kid might have been the dirtiest work tsurumi had ever put him up to at that point. (did he kill his father before or after this? but was that even dirty work to him, when he felt he had a good reason?) maybe he honestly felt emotionally reluctant to traumatize a defenseless 16-year-old like that, so he reached out to comfort him without thinking. i wonder what is the fandom consensus about that page, yet i feel reluctant to look it up… but whichever scenario it is, tsukishima's glare has to be him thinking, "man, you suck at dirty work." (and afterward, ogata glares at otonoshin because he's angry and humiliated that he underestimated how much of a threat a bound 16-year-old posed to him.)

EDIT: regarding the above paragraph, i think i've realized the correct interpretation. it's not that the situation of kidnapping a kid has activated ogata's thin sentimental streak. it's the specific circumstances of the lines that were just said: commander koito saying he could not save otonoshin, and otonoshin apologizing to his father and asking him to pretend he had never been born. that combination of circumstances was maybe the only thing that could flip ogata's empathy switch enough to make him reach out a comforting hand. he probably feels with great certainty that if he himself had ever been kidnapped and held for ransom, his own father would have told him to die for his country as well, and he might even have said a similar line in response. the pain otonoshin felt in that moment was so clear to ogata that he couldn't help but comfort him... it's a key emotional character development moment for ogata... with his face covered... but of course he misinterpreted otonoshin's resilience and that's how he got his nose bashed.

i cried a lot when i first read ogata's death chapter, and i cried a lot the second time too. i think noda-sensei might be a genius… one thing that didn't register on first reading was that ogata must have enjoyed the time he spent traveling with asirpa and the others in a way, even if he didn't exactly realize it. asirpa reminded him of yuusaku, not just in her innocence, but in the way she trusted him and ate with him and joked with him and treated him as if he were "normal" (when he believes he isn't normal). ogata was yearning for familial love his whole life; he just fixated on getting it only from his father, which wasn't going to happen, and ignored what he got from his mother and his brother. yuusaku was the only one who loved him, but he got some of that warm familial feeling from asirpa and the others as well, even though he usually acted cold. (i think he said "hinna" primarily to manipulate asirpa... but maybe after saying it, he felt happy.) and now, not only did he have to deal with his mistake of killing yuusaku, but here he was trying to kill asirpa too! not only that, but he was corrupting her into killing HIM, and he thought he wanted that, but he didn't! he couldn't even accept his old guilt, and now he was foolishly inflicting new guilt, as if by compulsion! it's so painful! as he breaks down, we see him realizing his mistake in real time, how his goal of proving his father worthless was itself worthless all along, how he didn't actually need to kill any of his family, how he was following the wrong path based on his delusions and misunderstandings his whole life, and it hurts him so much… and he tries to deny it, but he's having it explained to him by himself, and he can only trust himself… whenever he felt conflicted about anything, he would just find some way stamp out the opposing view and believe in himself, but now, both sides were him, so he couldn't do that, and as a result, he was defeated. the chapter was very emotionally powerful… he died a coward's death because, never having confronted his guilt before, he couldn't imagine being able to live with it… and vasily found his body by the railroad tracks and painted his fursona.

you could ship ogata with vasily but the fact remains that they spend vasily's entire span of appearance in the manga in a fight to the death and then one of them dies. also he shot vasily in the mouth. you can't shoot a mouth with your gun and then try to kiss it later. that's inappropriate

the last time ogata shoots sugimoto, he doesn't aim for the head. it's as though he learned his lesson. but it still didn't work, did it?

i saw the ogata nendoroid and took damage from it. hate it. i don't want any more chibis...

it seems that some things are changed in the volume releases of golden kamuy. i have only read the scanlated magazine releases. i wonder if i can be content to decide that this is the end of my ogata post when i don't know if any important ogata details were changed in the volumes. i would also like to read and compare the official translation. one thing i want to see in the volume releases is if noda-sensei ever goes back and adds teeth to the white voids of characters' mouths. it is incredibly clear to me that noda-sensei truly, viscerally hates drawing teeth. that's fair, but i do prefer even the vaguest semblance of teeth to a white void of a mouth. when he does draw teeth, they usually look perfectly passable. anyway, my next project will be deciding how to get my hands on the official translated volumes and then rereading again.

i think that might be all i have to say about ogata hyakunosuke right now.

#golden kamuy #ogata hyakunosuke #hyakunosuke ogata #golden kamuy spoilers

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Hi y'all! Looks like I'm going to continue doing character analysis lol. So, it's time for HSMTMTS Appreciation Week Day Two: Favorite Dynamic

Now, my favorite dynamic is seblos. And I will talk about them a bit, but I talked about them yesterday, so I wanna focus on some of the others :).

First of all, Ricky being besties with anyone heals my soul <3. He's just such a good friend. With Big Red, with Carlos, with Nini when they weren't together (think season 1), with everybody really. Also, @phoebenpiperx wrote an amazing fic about his friendship with Seb this I totally recommend, and totally believe now as well.

But anyway, about Big Red, for example. They're like, the most supportive besties ever. They tell each other all the tea, they're always there to cheer each other on (BATB auditions, the fact that Big Red joined crew accidentally just because he wanted to be there for Ricky, etc). And one of the moments I love the most is Ricky coming after his breakup with Nini. Big Red just immediately gets up and hugs him. Also, an underrated part of their friendship is how they manage to make each other laugh. Like Big Red in 1x05 when he starts pretending to be Gina. I just- honestly I love them so much <3.

Not to talk about another Ricky dynamic lol, but I love his dynamic with Carlos! And the thing I find really interesting, is it kinda reminds me of his and Gina's dynamic. Not dating, obviously, but think about it. In season 1, Ricky and Gina have a special connection in the beginning because they're both outsiders. Carlos and Gina have that same connection, explored with the co-choreographer thing in season 2, but it's a bit more tumultuous (thinking of 2x04). And Ricky and Carlos do as well. I've never spent too much time thinking about it before, but it's interesting. Of course, all of the Wildcats are outsiders to some degree (that's kind of how theatre is lol), but it's definitely highlighted in the way these three interact with each other. And yet somehow, those three relationships are all completely different. It's SO good, and it's how you know the writing is good.

Lastly (besides a bit about seblos), I wanna talk about Kourtney and Seb! I seriously love their relationship :D. It's just so cute 🥰. And theatre family (Kourtney being Seb's mother lol) really can go deep lol. I've consistently called someone my ex-husband for a year (as in "Hi ex-husband" "Hi ex-wife"), and that show didn't even go on lol. Also, their friendship gave us the wonderful "Seb was struck by lightning" information, which is lovely xD. Now one thing I personally think exists in their dynamic, but we don't really see, is being "side characters". Like, not literally, and Kourtney has definitely been getting more and more focus (as she should!!), but more in their lives. Kourtney as costumer, Seb as accompanist. Kourtney as Nini's best friend. And as I mentioned yesterday in my last post, I see Seb as kind of "the positive one". And sometimes that can be isolating. I'm not quite sure how to explain what I'm thinking here lol, but I hope it's getting across. I just think they have kind of a commonality in stuff like that. Also, I'm pretty sure they're gonna be sharing the bond of Sharpay soon (as in technically we don't know Kourtney is Sharpay yet, but like xD it seems pretty likely lol), so that's another point xD. And of course, them telling each other they can do anything in 1x08, and the ~thinking jazz~ scene in 2x03 are both amazing and so lovely :'D. They just genuinely listen to each other, and try to help each other out (even when dealing with their own stuff), and I love that for them :).

Anyway! Now a bit about seblos. I'm not gonna repeat what I said yesterday, but I do want to say a few more things about them! First of all, their reactions after Carlos asks Seb to homecoming are ADORABLE!! The fact they were both equally excited kills me (in the best way possible) :)) :'DD. Also, I of course have to mention the significance of dance in their storyline - Carlos giving Seb lessons, homecoming, In a Heartbeat, and Camp Prom. There may even be more! It's just such a sweet parallel :'). And it's especially cool to see since Rina has the same thing - and they seem to be the longest lasting endgame couples (based on Rina's development, not when they started dating). Interesting 👀. Also, considering that dance is so important to Carlos (and it's widely thought of in the fandom that Carlos really only had dance for a long time), and seems significant to Seb (from being the only musical theatre person in his family), it's extra sweet to see it brought into their relationship :'). And don't even talk to me about how the whole video situation in 2x05 relates to that. I guess I'm just kind of thinking, they had dance in different ways, and dance kind of honestly brought them together, and it continued into their relationship :). Oh and speaking of 2x05, Seb wanting to do all of that for Carlos is literally the cutest thing ever <33. They love each other so much your honor, and I love them :'D.

And to think I thought this post would be short lol. But, I hope y'all enjoyed reading my thoughts on some of the relationships in HSMTMTS. Don't get me wrong though,I totally love every one, and I may talk about some more I'm the future :D. But yeah! I had fun with this :). Hopefully I can do something for each day! I'm definitely enjoying getting to share my thoughts about some of my favorite characters (and such) :D.

#hsmtmts #oasis's hsmtmts chatter #high school musical the musical the series #seblos #seb matthew-smith #carlos rodriguez #kourtney greene #ricky bowen #gina porter #big red redonovich #big red #thanks for reading y'all :)! #seriously I'm having a lot of fun with this lol #I love thinking about my favorite characters and doing so is making me even more excited :D #which is helpful as another hyperfixation (rehyperfixation honestly) tries to sneak up on me lol #none of the existing or maybe future ones I was worried about either xD #anyway!! #seriously thinking about writing that seblos fic 👀 #and I think/hopefully writing about them (though in an anaysis way lol) is giving/going to give me some more ideas :)! #so that's handy :D #but yeah!!! #hsmtmtsnet #hsmtmtsweek23 #love y'all :DDD ❤️❤️!!! #byeee :))) 🥰🥰🥰🥰 <333!!!!

[laesas]

For the fanfic as game:

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Thank you!!!!! I keep getting over excited and writing so much more than I mean to so in the interest of not taking over an entire dashboard! TINY answers here; Long answers and snippet under the cut :)

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I think I'm getting good at consistent use of imagery for characters that layers and carries across a fic! It's expecially nice to do for Kim or Chay POV (my little songwriter duo) who I imagine have a very good sense for those kinds of pretty descriptions and metaphors and use them in their heads!

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Ken my bestie Ken. Manwhore Manipiulate Manslaughter 🥰 - He terrifies me to write though!! (also Chan - answered here)

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

I'm reworking my entire KimBig kiss from the beginning (again.) but this time I really like it, so there's a snippet of that under the cut! :)

✨📝 Writers Ask Game 📝✨

💌Send me one here!💌

Long answer time hehe!

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I really love consistent use of imagery in fics, especially ones that feed into eachother and build on top of eachother across several scenes. I'm definitely not perfect at it but it's one of the things that I'm really proud of in the KimBig story! (For context, they're both processing the fact that Kinn was kidnapped and shot and almost died)

Kim and Big are both heavily represented by fire, so lots of sparks and smoke and burning etc. and the warmth vs the volitility. I hoped by making the imagery consistent I'd give the sense of them desperately seeking warmth but also destroying themselves in the process. It gets referred to as "a mutual immolation" at one point, which I think sums the fic up pretty well!

By contrast, Kinn's metaphors are very cold and water based. In the beginning for example, there hasn't been any rain in Bangkok since Kinn left, but by the end when Kim has processed that Kinn is safe, it's raining outside.

For the layering; In the aftermath, Kim refers to his grief surrounding Kinn with this imagery of standing on a shoreline waiting for a tsunami to hit. So where Kim and Big come together and create a little fire, all of Kim and Big's feelings surrounding Kinn gets represented by this huge inevitable force of water that completely extinguishes what little warmth Kim and Big have sought out.

IDK probably a horrible explaination and I swear it's much more subtle in the fic haha! I dont want to be too self congratulatory about it because I am aware that that style of writing isn't for everyone and it's also a fic for such a ridiculous rare-pair that literally 6 people max are going to read. BUT in the interest of self-indulgent explorations of metaphor.... it's fun and I'm kinda proud of it hehe

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

I answered Chan here (for so many reasons!) but I have spent the last several months WISHING I understood Ken well enough to write him!

He's just such a mix of things I struggle with as a writer - He's incredibly direct (to the point of cruelty) and I imagine it's similiar in his inner world as well, which takes a lot of my beloved imagery and metaphorical speak off the table. Plus he doesnt strike me as someone that's particularly introspective or self aware. If someone calls him out on something, he's much more likely to respond by lashing out than he is to absorb any kind of reasonable criticism or change his behaviour.

Paired with Big (and he *wILL* be paired with Big) there are just so many ways that those dynamics could play off eachother. I feel like putting them in a scene together would be a case of the characters very much controlling the scene and not me and I LOVE to plan a scene haha!

I do imagine Ken has a bit of a superiority complex though, which WOULD be incredibly fun to write. Especially as it feeds into how he became the traitor! He's finally being appreciated as something more than one of Kinn's loyal dogs! (Read: he's Vegas' dog now) If Big doesnt want him then he doesnt care! that doesnt matter because Vegas wants him! (Read: Vegas is manipulating him, Ken is lying to himself)

I literally love him so so much but writing him TERRIFIES me!!

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

I'm currently completely re-working the KimBig kiss! once I'm done with that it's just........... betas and posting??? aah!?

Big's hand feels like static where it rests at his back. He stays still, he leans up, he goes where Kim guides him, but he’s almost sickeningly pliant, the only indication he’s affected at all is the uneven hitch in his breath as he kisses Kim back, meeting his mouth with a gentleness that’s almost cruel. His lips are soft but the sparks aren’t catching fast enough and all Kim wants is to be consumed. It’s not enough. It occurs to Kim that this, all of this, is a terrible idea. The thought, once distant and impassive, now spreads in ice-shard splinters across his skin. They should stop. Kim should stop.  Kim should let him leave. But that thought is worse. It constricts in his lungs and warps his vision in a rush of vertigo. ‘Please,’ Kim thinks. His desperation beats in time with the pounding of blood in his ears. ‘Please. please. please. please.’  He doesn’t think he says it out loud but he must have done something, whispered something, thought it loud enough that Big could hear; because suddenly there’s a shift. There’s a sharp intake of breath, the sensation of Big's fingers curling into a fist through the fabric of his t-shirt, then Big is taking his bottom lip between his teeth and Kim’s thoughts finally, finally go up in smoke.

I love a ramble! So sorry these got so long haha!! but thank you so so much for asking ily!! 😊🌸🥰💕

#Kim is really going through it in that snippet and it just... continues to be sad bad devastating lol #my poor lovely touch-starved faves #dhjkfshekgj so sorry these are the longest answers of all time I just get so excited about it and am like and ANOTHER THING!- #I just LOVE themb (Kim Ken Big my deadly yet sopping wet sadboi trio of complicated unrequited emotions lol) #ask #ask meme #cytharat #kimbig #kim kp #big kp #ken kp #kpts

[stevethehairington]

I watched stranger things s1 way back when it aired and thought it was pretty good but then couldn’t be bothered to keep watching when s2 came out and haven’t paid it any thought since and yet now after seeing gif after gif of Eddie fucking Munson and reading headcanons and ficlets about steddie on tumblr I’m suddenly in a position where I’ve read at least 300k worth of steddie ao3 fics and I can tell I’m not about to stop any time soon. I still haven’t watched any more of the show. What is this strange power Steve and Eddie hold

omggg i feel this in my BONES. only difference is i have watched all of it (some seasons multiple times hskgsd) BUT. i totally get what you mean. like there is just SOMETHING about eddie goddamn munson. like, they put fucking CRACK in that boy or something lol.

i was a VERY casual fan before s4, like i watched s1 when it first aired too and i really liked it! but it was definitely one of those this is really cool i really dig it but i'm not like obsessed kind of likes. and i got excited about the other seasons too and i binged them all when they came out, but again, super casual!! like once i watched that would be it. i wouldn't really think about it all that much after. i didn't seek out any fan spaces for it, didn't really discuss the plots or analyze it or anything outside of like very general predictions with family and friends who watched too, and i certainly didn't create or write for it at all.

but then season god damn 4. season goddamn 4 and eddie goddamn munson!!!! i fell in LOVE. i got SUCKED IN. i was pulled DEEP. the obsession set innnnn, that funky little dude sunk his claws in deep and dragged me headfirst into a full on stranger things fixation - dedicating my blog to it, reading a million fics, writing a million fics, joining discords, signing up for zines - and i am STILL hooked, 4? 5? months later?

there's just something SO good about eddie and something SO good about steddie!!! steve and eddie just FIT so goddamn WELL it's insane, truly, how complimentary they are to one another. i reblogged a post about it earlier, where it pointed out how steve and eddie so clearly want the same things, how they have plans for the future but those plans are not set in stone, they're flexible, and all that really matters is if they're together and are able to get and give the support they need to. also i feel like they're both SO easy to put into any sort of situation - ESPECIALLY eddie. because like as much as the show gives him plenty of interests and traits and all, he is still SUCH a malleable character, still SO easy to project onto and relate to and to shape into what you want him to be. and that makes for a WONDERFUL canvas to work from.

and honestly, i am SO glad that this did happen, because like i've met so many incredible people through this fandom already and i've had such a good time, and also steddie has sort of like reignited my love for writing too? like, i didn't not love writing before steddie, but i felt like i was sort of in a writing slump for a very long time. like i wrote for other fandoms and pairings but i would never make it past 10 fics (barely even made it past 5 for some!!) and it just wouldn't stick, and i just wasn't coming up with ideas or getting that spark of inspiration. but with steddie ohhh my god!!! it's been FANTASTIC!! i've been writing more the past couple of months than i have the last like 2 years. i've broken the under 10 fics curse with them haha and i have sooo many ideas still. and the response to the fics i have posted has been insane!!! like so good! and i am blown away!!

so yeah, basically i owe eddie munson my goddamn LIFE sjfdhksf

(also, i totally do recommend you watch the rest!! like the show has it's issues and some rocky narrative choices, like all shows do, but overall it is a very enjoyable show and there's a lot of good stuff that comes out of the other seasons too!! ESP season 3, my beloved. scoops steve?? YES. scoops troop team up?? YESS. robin buckley introduction!!! YESSS!!)

#asks #anonymous #stranger things #eddie munson

[polkadotpatterson]

😐 and 🖊

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

This is maybe not an exciting answer, but I try not to think about stuff like that too much. Sometimes I look back on my older writing and cringe at parts of it, but I don't like to dwell on it. It is what it is, and I'm always learning and improving and I know what I'd do differently now, and I can do it differently! So I try to think of it as a learning experience, if I think of it at all.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

this fic is giving me some trouble and this scene still needs work but here's a little bit about Gloria Bentley and the Gleek's garden! and also maybe a certain prehistory player :)

Gloria doesn't know if it comes from all the time spent dreaming up a garden in the black hole, or from the Gleek being grateful to finally have someone who wants to tend its vegetation, or something else altogether, but the garden listens. It tries to harmonize with her humming, reaches out vines to tug at her sleeve, sprouts plants in her footsteps, bends a branch down for her to sit on when she gets tired.

There is a tunnel that leads up into the light behind the stadium. Gloria wishes it could be brighter underground, and the phosphorescent carnivorous moss gradually shifts to line the roof of the tunnel with its soft inviting glow (sea has to remind the others to never get too close to it). The kelp shifts too, carpeting the floor, leading the way to the proper gardens outside. Rocks coated with algae, pools dotted with water lilies, weeping willows trailing their branches, beds of moss to cushion any fall.

It is far from complete. Not that it ever will be complete, of course; plants are forever growing and expanding, adapting to fit their environment. Still, even in its budding stage, it is attracting Gloria’s teammates from time to time, and it attracts one in particular. Perhaps not surprising, considering the name.

Gloria Bentley is old, the garden is older, but Abner Pothos is ancient. 

You'd never guess by the way it moves, swift and nimble, light on its feet, those magician’s fingers as deft as ever. Once a rising star, now a fallen one, but perhaps on the rise again. Abner is a firsthand reminder that Gloria’s been lucky to escape all the horrors of this splort, a splort that would drag someone out of several thousand years of slumber just to pitch an exhibition match and then let them get swallowed and spit up by a black hole.

No, it's the eyes that betray Abner’s age. You can get a good look at them under the brim of its hat at the right angle, and they're haunted with a whole league’s worth of ghosts. It wears the same big puffy parka everywhere, though Halifax isn’t nearly as cold as Antarctica, or even the Hall, for that matter. Maybe it's habit, or the chill simply comes from the instability, but Gloria’s pretty sure there's more to it than that. No wonder it wants some time in a peaceful space like this. 

#for context pothos is a type of plant #thank you for the ask! love your url btw #answering moistly #orbleglorb