#idk man im so tired being on here

[blackskorpi0n]

I gotta get off my phone because the more I scroll, the more bullshit I see, the more depressed I get.

#like the doom scrolling js enough #i saw it and my stomach churned #idk man im so tired being on here #stormtxt

[ermwhattheheck]

HHHHHH THIS TOOK ME FOREVER.

anyways its another redraw in my actual art style, hope yall enjoy.

#digital art #redraw #screenshot redraw #futurama fanart #futurama #philip j fry #leela #turanga leela #art #im so tired man #also tumblr is so chill idk why i thought i would be burned at the stake for being here but you guys are so nice #also thanks for all the support!!

[dazai-on-my-mind]

I keep getting notes about how others see Aroace Dazai AND YET THERE'S NO POSTS ON IT????

Like where are the analysis about Dazai feeling disconnected from humanity and how things like love and sexual desire are two of the main things that people say make us human (incorrect but not the point). Why is no one talking about the vulnerability required to even participate in a romantic or sexual relationship???? Dazai Osamu the man whose bandages serve as an allegory on how he won't allow anyone to come too close and see underneath his facade.

And as much as I keep thinking about the nurse scene and Chuuya's threats to send Dazai's address out there are still multiple plausible explanations that aren't related to him having a sexual relationship with any of those women.

#its hard having the correct opinion on anything ever 😔 #but somebody's gotta do it #I'm running on like 4 hours of sleep idk what's happening rn #my head huuuurts #I still stand by that scene in the hospital being a hot and heavy make out #the man was shot y'all c'mon #also Dazai is Dazai he probably just asked those women for a double suicide 😔 #i hope someone with better analysis skills picks up on this because its driving me insane #there's so much here to dissect #AND THAT'S JUST THE MANGA/ANIME #i haven't read the light novels so who knows what more is there #im so tired #anyways more to come #because this is driving mw insane #aroace dazai #aro dazai #ace dazai #aroace headcanons #aroace #cory talks bsd

[poems-of-a-lover]

i want a boy to teach me how to do something he loves. i want to learn how to do something with him that he's passionate about.

#like an instrument or a game or something. anything. #man im. ugh. christ. #i said id take time after my breakup before fully putting myself out there #its been months tho. i think ive moved on enough. i mean who knows but i dont wanna get into it all on here bc theres so much #theres soooo much that happened with it and im tired and ive gone thru it a million times but still. ugh. #idk man im tired and i miss being in love #mlm #mlm yearning #mlm post #mlm love #gay mlm #mlm thoughts #t4t #trans mlm #mlm blog #t4t yearning

[paging-possum]

Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

#my art #gore #organs #its 2am so not a lot of this is going to be very coherent but this song makes me feel a lot of things about it all #like. its the Expectations #the expectation that im going to date men and the expectation that im going to date at all have always felt equally stifling #theres that feeling of not trying hard enough or not realizing it at first or trying to lean into what you're told you should feel #and having it not pay off time and time again and wishing you could just make it work #because everyone else around you has it just fine and you dont get why you're struggling with it so much #THERE ARE MORE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE TWO IS WHAT IM SAYING #like obviously figuring out aromanticism is especially weird because its a lack of something BUT THEYRE PRETTY SIMILAR #realizing I dont want to date anyone mirrors realizing I didn't like boys but like. idk man its worse sometimes? #I wouldn't trade it for the world it means a lot to me but its almost like people go out of their way not to understand it sometimes #at the end of the day I am the you in that song #it was a very very long road to being okay with never falling in love because that was something I wanted for a very very long time #at the end of the day I will never have to be someones wife and I think its better that way #but its also hard not to get jealous sometimes #like I know its irrational I know I get physically ill at just the thought of being asked out but like #sometimes ill see my friends with their girlfriends and ill feel like clawing my own chest out with want #but also if anyone asks me out I will have to dig myself into a pit and never come out. I think. #I want to be with women but I dont want to Be With Women if that makes sense #its another layer of difficulty that I dont think I'll ever be able to get past #I feel like at this point I should just be trying to conditioning myself out of any form of desire because its just not an option for me #which definitely isn't true and like chappell roan says. you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling. #but its also so tiring to have to sit here with the feeling and feel bad for having the feeling. #I dont know #I think if I felt a little more or a little less I’d be fine but I’m stuck in the middle #it feels very weird talking about this openly but also its very difficult to talk about with friends because most of them dont get it #anyways something something Josies monologue from bottoms #im going to bed

[catfindr]

hi i’m so sorry to hear about your depression getting worse, i’ve lived with it for most of my life but cats make everything better!!! here’s Meenakshi

💛💛💛

#cats of tumblr #catblr #cat #kitten #kitty #qna #i take effexor for my depression but idk i think ive just been overworking myself lately #im so tired i sleep through every day that im not working #and ill still sometimes get bursts of intense sadness because im still grieving lili #it also doesnt help that im still pretty upset about being kicked out of the last place i was living at #even though they were very openly misandrist even when i expressed that it was upsetting to me as a trans man #whoops didnt mean to rant in the tags here... oh well #thank you very much for the well wishes everyone‚ im trying my best here

[lemon-wedges]

...

#thw itch is flaring up tonight #im just gonna complain and mOVE ON #but arrrggggg #i know im healing and its gonna get better but #im just so tired of not being able to draw #i wanna get my commissions DONE i wanna work on my patreon #i just wanna get back into learning new art stuff #bwing cut off from art like this..... #idk man #feels real bad #and fustrating #and useless #and too easy to fall into some doom spiral #sigh #but it will pass i guess #the highlight to all this is that since im here at rock bottom ive kinda just embraced getring new hobbies #the muppet was very fun and its so tempting to make otacon or snake #hopwfully this week ill be able to go to tbe store and buy some balloons to start learning how to make balloon animals #then clean out the garage stuff and see if i can find any of my old magic trick props #or else i gotta invest into like facepainting or something #paper cut outs? #hmmmm we'll see......

[polaraffect]

current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit

#damien.txt #sorry its like 5 am and i havent slept and wanna vent so. here inam #i really do be having a wild time bc ill have like. weeks at a time where ill be like. wait a second. what if im not trans actually #okay well. never in a 'im 100% not trans' way but in a 'maybe i shouldnt transition' way #and then ill have a day where i wake up and go. oh. i think that feeling is just coming from fear about. the current state of trans issues #because oh my FUCKING GOD am i scared like 24/7 bc of that shit #and so like. then im like. maybe i really am like. actually transmasc. fr. bc i like. literally have been feeling it my whole life. #and then i wake up a couple weeks later back at the beginning like hmm....... but..... what if.... #and im so tired of not knowing!! it's fucking exhausting questioning what the fuck is happening w me every 2 seconds #and im being dramatic abt it but idk. i think its a symptom of neurodivergence or something bc im like. so so scared abt being trans atm #at a level that is. certainly unhealthy. #and it really feels like something that is inhibiting me from doing things in life which is like. upsetting y'know! #but at the same time. the concept of going thru life as my birth gender is... bad. sort of inconceivable at this point. #and this is particularly hard bc like. really going back and forth on making decisions abt taking T. bc when i get in these spirals #abt maybe not being trans. i get the urge to not take it. but like. i cant fluctuate w a medicine like that that much! #but at the same time when i go back to being like oh yeah transmasc... my brain is like cool. take T again. so. fuck me i guess. #idk man. im just like. i just want to live my life without being perceived by others actually #my true gender is no one's business <3 thanks #i am. tired.

[qasian-tech-support]

Please ignore if I clicked the wrong blog to respond to.

But I also want new Megas and Protomen :(

RIGHT?!?!

I mean, yeah, the Megas also have their takes on Skullman's theme ("Cracked Skulls"; inspired by MM4) and Chill Penguin's theme ("Chill XMas"; inspired by MMX), and I guess there's also one based on Storm Eagle's theme ("Rougmer Storm"; MMX), but I haven't listened to that one yet.

Like, I get that they have a good story arc to cover the first 3 classic games, but it would be so cool if they explored some of the themes of the following games, y'know? Or flesh out the MMX or other series music! Or hell, pick and choose some Robot Masters and make a new narrative, or like literally anything, please, people are starving over here! And it's not like they aren't still active. Don't get me wrong, I love their Castlevania stuff under the Belmonts label, but it would be nice to get Mega Man content outside of just remixes/remasters of their existing songs. Plus, they're still doing concerts, so like the audience is there for it!

And as for the Protomen, I hope that they actually end up releasing Act III at some point. Having listened to The Fight, it makes me crave it to an unhealthy degree. I love the grimdark kinda take on Mega Man that focuses more on the role that humanity takes in all of the conflict. I feel like that angle gets extremely neglected in Mega Man media.

Idk, as a fan, it's just kinda frustrating how neglected mega man gets. Like, it feels like the rare times whenever we do get content, it focuses on the first three or four games (if we're lucky), and then it just dies off! Or goes dormant for a decade or more. The franchise has so much creative potential that just isn't realized and it's so sad!

#hoping praying everyday for more #oh god and like just how foundational both bands have been for the creative efforts for the classic series #the archie comic even references The Megas a few times!! I GAVE YOU HAIR (ROBOTIC HAIR) #imagine the potential with a Bass focused narrative! or Quint! or Dr Cain!! #and Capcom themselves arent free from scorn here. if they encouraged more creative efforts a la the archie comic it could stimulate #even more interest in the series beyond just jumping and shooting. like that helps to build an evergreen fanbase #and i mean more than just XDiVE. like i find XDiVE charming yeah but like. Im not seeing the profits from being put back into mega man stuff #having friends that have gotten me back into transformers really makes me reflect on Mega Man. i get that transformers has toylines and MM #is more game focused and that def makes a difference but like. the amount of comic series and issues that help flesh out the transformers #universes. for MM we get like 55 issues for archie? 'indefinite hiatus'? bro we know the sonic stuff brought MM down with it just say 'dead' #let IDW take up the license and get Ian Flynn to come back. i know we likely wont get ArchieOCs like Tempo back but like #idk.... it hurts bc i know how good of a job the archie comics were. its hard to imagine a reboot that isnt basically identical in story to #archie. esp bc how much love was put into tying in with the side content like the hand held games. but surely something could be done #somehow it could be continued. find some kind of Genesis Wave-esque mcguffin to change the OCs out. retcon the sonic stuff out completely #i really dont want to see MM1—MM3 needing to be revisited *again*. its like a Dr.Wily/Sigma in their own right for how much it comes back #like thats prob what kills a lot of creative endeavors tbh. the themes and events are so foundational that theyre nigh inescapable #I'm just.... tired.. #i have so much love for mega man and so many chains holding that love down

[bl00dw1tch]

It is so fucking funny how someone telling me to do something is the fastest and easiest way to get me to want to Actively grind my life back to halt instead.

#horse.txt #vent // #its dumb. im being dumb let me be clear. this is about getting a fucking job. writing my resume. my mom told me i need to #'start getting serious' about it #and i do. i do. #im just. ghhhh i feel like im going to fucking explode. its so easy its so easy everybody has to do it i dont get to be fucking special #but knowing that never fucking Means anything i can know that like its tattooed to my eyelids and it doesn't change the fact that #i have no idea what the fuck to do #i have lists and lists and lists of advice and tips and help and links and i appreciate them bc at least now i have a foundation to jump off #but i still can't fucking get through them #i cant figure it out. its right there but the second i start to try i run into some roadblock and i start freaking the fuck out #and then i cant fucking go back to it bc by then ive spent an hour crying and im too tired to do anything but sit and cry some more #i hate the fucking options here. i hate the options everywhete. i dont want to fucking work dude im just. im not fucking there #but theres no other fucking option and people get so fucking mean when you try to say that bc im just being fucking lazy lazy lazy #i dont know. if i am im not sure i care that much anymore #im just tired of feeling so fucking miserable and useless but it's hard to ignore because i just amm!!!!! #the only thing i can do better than some people is draw and the idea of doing That for a job makes me feel sick to my stomach #man. i dont know. idk #sometimes i just have to catastrophize things to get it out of my system . iygiygi #ill be fine #just might be a tense Christmas apparently.

[luffysbasement]

hello, i'm finally distancing myself from mcyt :]

it's been really fun!! i loved drawing for everyone, for my interest and esp just interacting with you all. this fandom brought me my friends and different experiences and emotions that are rly unforgettable but i think it's time. thank you for everything, i appreciate you all! ♡♡ pls do stay safe and take care of yourselves!

(my art will remain here ofc but i will most likely be turning this blog into how it was before, multifandom, personal and just a bunch of whatever!)

#the shorter version is the post #ill be here in the tags to talk more :] #honestly im pretty grey on the situation and im just rly waiting for whats gonna happen #thats not why im leaving (mostly) i think its abt time to accept im getting tired of how the experience is of being a drm stan #i loved the man i rly do hes been with me for the entire pandemic him and his videos helped me get through it #but its kind of a bummer that just by being a fan u get exposed to antis and their nonstop scheme of just starting up shit #and that everytime something new comes up you keep hoping its just an accusation but at the same time u feel terrible and anxious anyway #ive alrdy distanced myself from twt and by extension even tumblr bc i thought if i just keep drawing and not looking at my socials those #dramas wont reach me (they still do and it sucks lol but i did get a peace of mind just being free of social media) #at some point i started losing interest in mcyt in general the only thing keeping me was drm not even mccs nor other ccs rly just drm #but then recent thing happened and yeah :/ idk what to think im lost and honestly just tired of stuff like this #thats the final straw i think i dont rly want my mental health tearing up over whether to worry abt things i alrdy stress over abt (w the #college and family stuff) and freaking minecraft youtubers fandom #i think whatever the outcome is im just over it if drm comes out innocent i dont think i can let go of him yet #so ill prob still be checking up on hm and watching him by myself #if not then thats that. #stilli cant deny the fact that it rly has been an amazing two almost three years #i hope you all stay safe and takecare of yourselves ♡ #if anyone still wants to see my art im just hanging out in my onepiece sideblog lol @/luffysbasement

[piplupod]

(can i please get a waffle voice): can i PLEASE having a coping mechanism that doesnt turn maladaptive. can i PLEAAASE have just one !!! i am Begging you, on my hands and knees !!!!! AUGH

#tfw your coping mechanism detaches you from reality and now you're watching yourself warily to make sure u dont fall into That Pit again #skirting around the edge and unhooking my claws from the coping mechanism and holding it gingerly with the tips of my fingers #praying i do not have to put it down entirely. because man..... its slim pickings around here for shit that actually Works fhfjdkl #the issue with reality being nigh unbearable ... is that you cannot bear reality. and thus detach. but u cannot go too far away from it. #or else Bad Shit happens. that i don't especially want to experience again fhdjdkdl #it'd be so cool to have a brain that didnt do this. so i could just freely la-dee-da along with fun things #instead of the fun things turning Bad bc they went too far fjfkdl #or having to keep a very close eye on myself when i get into new things bc i can see they have the potential to go badly for Me w my brain #sobbing forever honestly. i feel awful. this sucks shit. im trying to be funny about it to cope but im Upset fjfjddkl #im so sick of this type of thing fjdkdl I wish i could just like... be okay. for a while. without it going badly like this fjfkfl #i thought maybe i was on the up finally but nooooo it's just bc i was getting too far from holding onto reality properly #god i hate this pattern. im so fucking angry w it tbh fjfkfl i cannot believe i let myself think this was going to be different fjfkfl #but anyways!! onwards we march and hopefully i figure smth out fjfkdl im uhhhh very tired #going to crawl into bed at the ripe time of 8:30pm and just go listen to music and draw or smth idk fjfkfl this is frustrating #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[dogbunni]

I have been on semi-haitus bc I recently got diagnosed with hypertension (at 24!!!! what da fuck!) so I've been trying to reduce some stress in my life while also trying to like figure out what I need to change diet/lifestyle wise and get all the testing done that I need to get done and figure out medication w my Dr. it's been kind of a lot

#im still SO stressed but that is because i suffer from shit life syndrome and there is little i can do about that #like im in pain all the time and also autistic and also my cat is terminally ill #and also i cant work because of the disabilities so im still living at home with my parents and idk what im going to do with my life #also living with my parents is a special kind of hell no offense to them but 🙃 #so the STRESS #i just realised that i was stressing a little about updating CTTD and i am NAUGHT going to worsen my health over fanfiction #so ive gone on an impromptu tumblr/ao3 haitus #idk when im going to be BACK back #but im still on here reblogging shit sometimes #just not rly making nendo headcanons or screaming in tags #i dont have the energy im SO stressed hahahahaha fuck #i have to get tested for diabetes??? #so my stepdad has been on my case about how much sugar i eat bc i always crave sugar #ive been trying to cut down like ive got zero sugar syrups for my (decaf!!!) coffees #and im trying to eat less chocolate #idk its hard man. my life already sucks and now my mundane little joys are slowly being cut out one by one #idk #anyways thats my life update! #saiki k fandom i love u all and i may not be active or in any of u guys notifs gushing about fan art or neno rn #but KNOW that i am still just as feral about it i am just half dead and so tired i am so sorry <3 #dogbunni diary log

[isa-ah]

idk! it just feels so much more nasty and underhanded for them to do this considering.

#the people who raised me are dead #the guy who helped them is dead #my besties mom has secretly thought of me as a terrible burden to her all this time #the only family member who was willing to take me in abused me so badly i was borderline attempting for years after #my mom and brothers were it. they were the only people i had left from any kind of support system whatsoever #so finding out just how deeply disgusted and disturbed they are by me even tho theyre polite when im around is so. its just so #nasty man. its so nasty. you couldnt just suck it up and stop being religious extremists for 1 day #for me. for this? #how are we ever supposed to speak after that? how will our relationship EVER have mutual trust after that? #it wont is the answer but then neither will any of my other relationships w people i knew #there is only 1 real motherfucker in this planet and its taylor who went thru everything w me and is still here and loves me #im just tired idk. sorry for bitching sm. im sad and lonely for people who are never coming back