#if his stank ass comes on my tv I’m ending a life

[are-we-really-doing-this]

ronnie doesn’t wrestle but saraya wants him to wrestle w her in aew she wanted it against jericho ?? or maybe just have him involved i don’t remember exactly (you don’t have to post this i just saw ur tags on my post and wanted to answer lol)

GAG

#if his stank ass comes on my tv I’m ending a life #aew doesn’t need a worse version of what wwe is doing with the smuggest Paul brother #also Falling in Reverse sucks ass #Saraya’s theme is their only song I listen to and that’s mostly radio play #and rock radio is fucking dead where I live #aew lb #aew dynamite

[kamari333]

Got tagged by @starsgivemehp for this meme!

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

I'll go backwards from last update, if thats okay? First paragraph of each first chapter...

mind the tags and be responsible <3

iNVaDeR FeLL: The Nightmare Begins :: The Irken Empire (which had retained its name even after the shift in management brought about by the events of Operation Impending Doom I) was more alive than it had been in years. Signs replayed message after message redirecting convention-goers how and where to attend the Great Assigning in the Main Convention Hall on Conventia, one of the many planets conquered and repurposed for the good of the Empire. The teleporter ring was blazing almost as brightly as it once did before OID1, only this time, it brought to the surface not Irkens, but Monsters; creatures of every shape and size. They came not only from the 'kingdom' that had overtaken Irk (they called themselves 'Fell'), but those from the 'kingdoms' of conquered worlds as well, which had been expeditiously subjugated in a fashion worthy of the Irken Empire.

How Dance Got a Picture of Lust Covered in Kittens :: "there's sammaches in th' fridge," Red mumbled, feeling the lunchbox lid click shut under his claws. "'r if ya want some'n lighter, there's soup in th' freezer. just gotta nuke it..."

Burlesque Noir :: Lust peeked around the curtain to look out at the crowd, as he had done so many times before the last few days. The speakeasy was full and vibrant and alive as it was every night, as swanky a joint as Grillby could make it and still keep it safe. As packed as it was, however, Lust didn't see any sign of his favorite patron.

It Could be Worse :: Life... Could be worse.

An Anthology of Dreams :: Sans was at his desk, as always, analyzing his latest attempt at a synthetic soul compound. His last two-thousand-and-twenty trials had been devastating failures, but even Dr Gaster was intrigued by his steady progress.

The EMV Anthology :: Red had a love-hate relationship with the holiday season.

An Anthology of Nightmares :: Sans stumbled out of his room just in time to escape. He had no idea what was coming, he only knew his years of fighting for his life underground was screaming that he had to move his bony ass if he wanted to live. Just as he crossed the threshold of his bedroom into the hallway, there was a loud crash. When he looked back, his whole room was gone.

A Growing Future :: Red stumbled out of the house, squinting at the glare of sunrise peaking like a glinting knife over the neighbor's rooftops. The air had a crisp chill to it, made all the more shocking by his lack of a shirt, but he knew it would be overly warm in only a few hours, and there was a lot of work to do.

Kinktober 2020 : Kamari333 Edition :: HI FOLKS! Beyond this point you will find 72.5k words of pure, unadulterated, self indulgent, Undertail-themed SIN, ~57.7k of which was prewritten in September, the rest in October, all written and published for Kinktober2020. This year, due to conflicting schedules, the sin was written in September, to be published on time in October. Please note that there may be plenty of typos, although I will/have since gone back and fixed some of them since I'm garbage and read my own stuff, and this year I have been indulging in the use of my lovely betas!

A Night in the Woods :: Red bit back a curse as he once again had to detangle his phalanges from the flimsy tent material. Stupid-ass cheap plastic bullshit, so thin he could breathe on it wrong and watch it disintegrate, but the packaging said it somehow kept out wind and rain, and that was honestly all he could have asked for. That, and perhaps that the piece of shit stop snagging on his claws every five god damn mother fucking seconds, fuck-

Arum :: The room was pitch black, save for a nearly indiscernible ambiance that glowed low and dim like the twilight right before the true darkness of night. The walls and floor of the room oozed with a viscous substance that stank of fermentation and rubber. At the end of the room, upon a throne of black stone, sat a diminutive figure from whence the slime seemed to originate, itself drenched in it to the point of blackness save for the singular glow of one lavender eyelight, shining like poison in the darkness.

Poignance :: Sans Blueberry pulled on his modified gloves, rolling his shoulders to make sure his makeshift pauldrons were cinched tight enough. The scalemail he wore under his chestplate made a soft noise, not quite the clink of chainmail, but not quite the hiss of cloth or leather either. He fingered at the tiny plates over his torso before pulling his bandanna back on around his neck, grateful to Alphys again for donating her sheds, and Undyne for reinforcing them so they wouldn't turn to dust.

Those Feelings at the Bottom of a Bottle :: Ink carefully managed his supply of emotions, keeping his usual level of orange (excitement) and yellow (happiness) as he made his way back through the house. The crowd of people, with their ever-vivid colors and gold-glittered eyes, made it easy to blend in and keep himself inconspicuous to the ever watchful guardian. It was like a game of hide-and-seek: Ink hid, and Dream looked for anything potentially amiss.

A Skeleton Plague Doctor in Lord Dream's Court :: Falsi woke up from a restful sleep on his examination table, shifting under his thick black blanket (one of the few luxuries he was allowed, usually kept hidden away in his bedroom with all the other small luxuries he had managed to keep, like his collection of skulls, his beast fur pelt, his mask, and the tapes and videos of a more personal nature he had collected over the years). He slid down to the floor, thankful once again for the mercy of a windowless apartment, as he folded his blanket and stumbled into the adjacent room: his bedroom.

Bad Day :: Edge was used to getting ominous messages from Red at odd times. It was just the nature of any relationship Red was involved in.

Burlesque (Censored) & (Uncensored) :: Of all the bars Red frequented in Ebott City, this was his favorite.

Happily Ever Laughter :: It was almost midnight. Papyrus had been sitting at Muffet's bar, enjoying his third (or was it fourth? Fifth? Hard to say) glass of Spider Cider, when he got the call. He pulled out his phone, surprised. That was his brother's ringtone. He flipped it open. "heya, bro. wazzup?"

Egg on Arrival :: Slinky could feel it in his bones: the hum of his future, the tremble of his soul. Even if it was still cold as balls outside the nest, his internal clock said it was spring.

I think I'm Paranoid :: Red came back into the livingroom, popcorn in one hand and a six-pack of coke in the other. He lingered, taking in the scene in front of him.

Another Me :: Lust fiddled with the TV remote idly as he mentally went through the available channels in his head. He didn't dare cable surf, not when He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was so prominent, and Pink's relentless job searching made his schedule so erratic that he could show up at any minute. The sight of the blackout curtain over the bookshelf (which served as the house's movie collection's honored display) reminded him of how understanding Papyrus had been of the need for temporary censorship.

...oh my some of these are terrible for catching the readers attention XD (why are all my hooks like 3 paragraphs in gdi).

EDIT: i forgot to tag folks! um... @deku-lily @silverryu25 @bonerpuns @msmkcreates @jellyficsnfucks @jellyfish-swims-through-gold @tkwolf45 @nanenna @dana-chan325 @skerbaderbadoo @keelywolfe ...im terrible with names and can't remember anyone else's handles ;-;

#kamari333thoughts #kamari333fanfiction #invader fell #burlesque *ship #burlesque noir #ebott is a multiverse #it could be worse #thats just the fic name #dr33mtal3 #kinktober mention #is this nsfw? #burlesque *fic #aint this more than lust #aint this a lamia

[youralternantpersonality]

Invitation

Seth x Reader: Invitation

Warning: Harassment and sexual innuendos. Alcohol consumption of the girls of the wolf pack gang.

All the girls are the same age for this story (and every story I make).

“Invitation” by Ashnikko ft Kodie Shane

***

All we wanted was a girl’s night out; a night where we don’t get groped, harassed or stalked. Is that so hard to ask? Emily, Clair, Kim, Rachel, Leah, Aliza (Embry’s imprint), and I all went to a bar in Port Angeles to get away from, well, everything. The Vampire Mafia war ended and just wanted a day to calm our nerves without the guys. But can we get a night where it could just be a bunch of girls having fun? No, because why would it (note to sarcasm)?

Fuck you mean you need it

He said he needs it or he'll die Touching on my inner thigh Dirty seedy kinda guy His castration would be nice And I'm just cruising on my bike Summertime, my T-shirt tight He say I'm the type he like Like I'm a biscuit he could bite

I can't even wear my skin Without them asking where I've been Without them asking for a spin This is not an invitation

Our outfits where tight and colorful, our heels were as high as they can get, our hair and makeup were done to perfection, and when we walked in, our confidence was through the roof into the galaxy. We went to the bar to take shots and, of course, a creep decided to hit on Aliza. He snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her close. Emily reacted faster than us and his drunk ass fell to the floor. So, we took our drinks to a table in the corner.

This is not an invitation Fuck you mean you need it? Fuck you mean you RSVPed? I don't need a reason This is not an invitation Fuck you mean you need it? Fuck you mean you need it?

I could be lickin' on a lolly Dolled up like a dolly Short skirt lil hottie Don't you comment on my body Put a jiggle in my titties I can giggle like 'em silly Call me prudish call me bitchy Knock you out without a semi

When the alcohol settled and the music entered our atmosphere, we went out to the dance floor. Different music of all genres started flowing through. It was packed filled with people and you can feel the body heat of the person next to you.

All we were doing was dancing in our world and a few guys grabbed Leah, me, and Kim from behind. We pushed them away from us and kept minding our own business. The song “Back that Ass Up” came on and, of course, that is what some of us did. Emily (by surprise), Clair, Aliza, and I all back it up. And like the true friends they are, Kim, Rachel, and Leah were behind us laughing as we dance in unison to the song. But that was short-lived.

I can't even wear my skin Without them asking where I've been Without them asking for a spin This is not an invitation

This is not an invitation Fuck you mean you need it? Fuck you mean you RSVPed? I don't need a reason This is not an invitation Fuck you mean you need it? Fuck you mean you need it?

We went back to the bar to get my drinks. We cheered and laughed, talking among ourselves. That’s when I felt a hand go up to my back thigh to my ass and you best fucking believe I slapped the absolute shit out of the guy who did it. But to my surprise, it was a female. And that just pissed us off even more. We all gave her and her friends the “stank face” that said back the hell up, took our shots and went back on the floor.

This is not an invitation She like to talk a lot, when I pull up, can't say shit I don't want that girl because she can't be patient Come with me right now we about to switch locations So fuck with me you need it I ain't fucking with these boys I got my reasons Diamonds on me just like lights they change the seasons I think you gotta do way more if you wanna please me Diamonds look like water on my girl it look like Fiji Diamonds freeze me now forever diamonds 3D She can see me VVS just like the TV just me and AZ You know it's not debating, you can't replace me

The DJ played a Latin Mix and, of course, we all playfully acted gay for one another. We laughed and had fun as any person would. But the line was drawn when we were leaving. We called Sam and Paul to come and get us (mind you, it’s 2 am at this time) and that we’d be waiting outside near the bar door. All we were doing was standing there, taking selfies, and blasting each other on Snapchat. But apparently, that’s not acceptable either.

This is not an invitation Fuck you mean you need it? Fuck you mean you RSVPed? I don’t need a reason This is not an invitation Fuck you mean you need it? Fuck you mean you need it?

Leah and I had snapped. We were the tallest and strongest out of the six of us and when a group of guys started to harass Kim, Rachel, and Emily we were over it. All we wanted to do was enjoy our girl’s night out and we can’t even do that. So, you bet your ass we walked up on them and pushed them from them. They acted as if they were going to fight us, and they probably would’ve, had it not been for the two wolves’ behind them grabbing them faster than they could register.

Paul and Sam twist their arms around their back to the point where the bastards fell to their knees begging for them to stop. It was amusing honestly. And like Leah and myself natural behavior, we looked at each other, smiled, and kicked them in the balls. Should we have? No, but after tonight, we didn’t care too much. After Sam and Paul let them go, we went home and the whole time we went back to being a bunch of girls consumed with alcohol who were singing beyond off-key to every song that came on the radio.

When we pulled up to the house and all the guys came out looking worried. I guess Paul called them to tell them what happened because the doors opened, and we were helped and asked multiple questions. We all looked at each other and continued to laugh and sing to a song we didn’t finish singing. Even if Leah burned off all the alcohol due to her body heat, I was glad she was still able to soberly intoxicated as we kind of were.

“Babe! Are you okay!? Paul told us what happened?” Seth asked. Man…I love him. I hugged him and kissed his chest.

“I love you, Seth. You’re pretty and nice to be around.” He laughs and instead of responding he picks me up and carries me bridal style to his and Leah’s place. Who, by the way, is piggy-back riding on Jacob because, you know, why not? Emily and Rachel were trying to run from Sam and Paul while Clair, Kim, and Aliza were spinning together singing “It’s Raining Men.”

“Jesus Christ! What the fuck did you guys consume!?” Jared asked watching all the imprints and our inability to have control of what is going on.

“Jared! Language!” Emily tried to stay serious. Sam took that chance to grab Emily and haul her over his shoulder. Rachel saw it and said,

“NO! Emily!” then proceeded to run to grab her hand as if that was going to do anything. Paul followed Sam and grabbed Rachel. Somehow, they were able to grab each other’s hands and acted as if they were trying to save the other life.

“I got you, Emily!”

“Don’t let go!” Emily screamed.

“Damnit, Rachel! Seriously?” Paul said laughing.

“Oh, this is great footage. I can’t wait to show you guys tomorrow.” Brady said standing next to Collin who was laughing at the scene.

“What! Wait! Get my good side!” Leah screamed.

“But both sides are your good side!” I replied.

“Awe…thank you bunny!!!” we both laugh.

“Brady, send us a copy of this in the group text,” Embry said watching Aliza carefully so she doesn’t fall.

“No problem,” He said. Yeah, that night was good.

Masterlist

#sethclearwaterxreader #seth clearwater x reader #sethclearwater #invitation #twilight #twilightsaga #twilightwolfpack #seth clearwater twilight #seth clearwater #love #othercharacters #other reader #breaking dawn #breakingdawn #breakingdawnpartone #BreakingDawnPart2 #breakingdawnpart1 #eclipse #new moon #newmoon #edward cullen #edwardcullen #Bella Swan #bella cullen #bellaswan #bellacullen #midnightsun #midnight sun

[misfitpanda]

“You’re a Hooker.” “You’ve been spending our rent money on fillipino hookers?” They’re not hookers, they’re massage therapists.“ "You’re getting a lion?” “Dude you can get past a dog, nobody fucks with a lion.” “Your bed is a car.” “Yeah but it’s a fucking sweet car.” “My cock is lost in the jungle and it’s up to you to find it.” “I can’t believe you came on my mom.” “I didn’t wanna disturb you, you were balls deep in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.” “Ugh my doll is a whore.” “What’s up douche bigalow you sleep well last night?” “No but I’ll self park it in your ass hole.” “SHITS WEAK!, SHIIIIIITS WEAK!” “How much do clothes cost in the matrix?” “Don’t take the red pill.” “Adios turdnuggets.” “Why so you can jerk off on my mom?” “How many people did you tell about the incident with me and your mom?” “I’ll call you later, let you know which bed I end up in.” “Yes and possibly shitting his pants.” “Maybe because I was with three chicks last night, something you’d know nothing about.” “Hey look it’s Bono’s brother.” “I wanna get you a black cobra, to go around the neck.” “Please. get. on. top. of. me.” “You play a demon who’s been summoned from hell to clean out this meth lab.” “Space shuttle!” “Take that you dirty dopers.” “I can’t believe there are people in this world who still don’t have cable.” “I don’t have antlers do I?” “Chicken cutlet, spaghetti with garlic bread, oh, my God, the wings to go with the breast, I don’t know what you are but I’m gonna fucking eat you too.” “COCKSUCKER ASSFUCK OH GOD DAMNIT!” “Let me guess, was your dick on fire?” “Yea it was my roomates, they tied me up.” “And just when I was about to scream for the police, I came.” “Oh my god, Are you serious? I think he fucking shattered it.” “Because you’re a woman and you’re swimming in a sea of virgins.” “I know you think I’m really hot and you wanna have a drink with me but my boss gave me this serious deadline.” “I hate your face.” “I wanna eat the TV.” “Thanks, maybe tomorrow you can introduce them to Heroine.” “Shh, go read your playgirl or something.” “What’s going on shit lips?” “You’re not jerking off on my dad.” “You’re dead to me, over.” “Yea lose the Woody Allen jacket.” “What does high score mean? High score, is that bad? Did I break it?” “You would if you had robot ears.” “You’ll have to wake him up out of his sex coma first.” “All those stank ass ho’s.” “Cool I hope it’s a naked guy with a boner.” “Jerking off on my mom is one thing.” “You can stay as long as you like and love any man you choose.” “Alright! Who wants a piece of the grey bush?!” “Hopefully that will help with the bad energy troll.” “I had a dream last night, I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea, and then I dove in to the ocean and swam with the Dolphins. I was two animals joined as one…Which meant good things are coming, good things.” “I just got the new season of Buffy on DVD and I’m gonna stay at home and watch the bonus features.” “Behind this awesome, I’m simply a human. But I’m working on that.” “That’s cool, if you wanna be sober and vomit.” “Do you have bathrooms here or do I have to shit in a plant?” “Go eat a hamburger and choke on a cow dick.” “I tried to tell you that was a piece of dry dog poop but you didn’t wanna believe me.” “There is absolutely no way you could beat me at any video game.” “I have to pee out of my ass.” “Chi chi choo choo no co co.” “If I knew you were bringing people over, I would have trimmed my antlers.” “I can hear my hair growing.” “My grandma drank all my pot.” “Hey easy pothead I’ll get you your fix.” “By girlfriend do you mean that piece of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?” “Hey does anybody have a light I found some weed….I wanna smoke it.” “You want an ice cream sandwich? They’re on whole wheat with lettuce.” “I once gave Charlie Chapman a hand job.” “What’s the matter nana’s boy? Can’t hang?” “Someone’s ass getting laid tonight.” “My beef strong.” “Your beef wrong.” “I FUCKING LOVE THIS GIRL!” “Are those Leopard spandex?” “I should have worn a condom.” “I am a robot, I like robots, I have a robot vagina.” “Almost as hilarious as your face.” “So who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era?” “This chicks pussy smelt like the great depression.” “Maybe it’s a fireman stripper.” “This guy’s not gonna rip my heart out of my chest and show it to me is he?” “Don’t tell me your grandma beats you.” “It invaded my mind with such force I thought I was going to explode in to the atmosphere.” “I want you to take the Frankenstein shit, the deer shit, the bling and the bling bling and roll it all in to one joint.” “I’ll smoke it with you, we’ll go to the looney bin together.” “i’m video taping this for scientific research, this shit will be on the discovery channel.” “Don’t judge me monkey.” “Backstreet for life.” “I started a fight club.” “What is that ringing? Do I have a tumor?” “Phone’s for you I think it’s the devil.” “He kidnapped your grandma and he’s going to eat her soul through her head.” “I’m way too baked to drive to the devil’s house.” “Dude where do you get your weed?” “You’ll get so stoned you’ll shit your pants.” “Yea monkey karate chop the elephant!”

#grandmas boy #rp memes #roleplay memes #my memes

[utopianvoices]

dating au | p.seonghwa

⤗ check my masterlist for other members!

how he acts around you

the “i’m rly smooth around you but dies when you’re not around” kind

the biggest flirt

will throw you pick up lines for every. single. situation

you trip over something?

“woah watch out... we don’t want you falling for anything else but me.”

you’re sharpening your pencil?

“life without you is like that pencil... pointless.”

basically anything you do, he’s got a pick up line for that

he does it so excessively that instead of showing you signs that he likes you, you just start to think that he does that with everyone else

and that you are no special

reader you aren’t the brightest crayon

the members definitely know what’s up tho

will threaten it out of him

“we’ll thrash the whole dorm if you don’t speak up right now.”

“the dorm already looks thrashed you’re not making a difference.”

but this isn’t about sassy seonghwa

this is about his crush on you

whenever you’re around, you’ll realise that they tease seonghwa and you every time he says something cheesy to you

you weren’t very good at reading people but you knew when someone was uncomfortable

no you don’t

and seonghwa looked uncomfortable when the members were teasing the both of you

but that’s just because he was scared you’d find out

so you took the liberty to clear the air

“guys stop that. seonghwa and i don’t like each other in that way.”

well ouch....... you just broke this big baby’s heart

how he confesses

after you broke his heart

he’ll be convinced that you had no feelings for him

and will stop with all the cheesy pick up lines

the whole atmosphere shifts 180 between the both of you

it gets really awkward when you both are in the same room that the members have literally gotten up and left because they couldn’t stand it

at first you thought that it was because he was stressed about something

but when it didn’t stop and just grew more and more awkward, you’d confront him about it

asking him if you did anything wrong for him to act so weird around you

and he spills the beans

literally

he was holding a can of beans to prepare for dinner and dropped the whole can when you asked him that question

rip beans

he just stares at the spilled beans and lets out a sigh, contemplating if he should tell you why he was acting so weird around you

you take a step closer to him, giving him the push he needed to say it

“i actually really like you. and after you said you didn’t have feelings for me i just thought that i should keep my distance.” 

let’s just pause right there

and rewind a little bit

he likes you? and your dumbass thought you were helping him by pretending you didn’t have feelings for him so that it wouldn’t get weird

so you tell him just that

“i-i like you too. i just thought the boys teasing us together was making you uncomfortable so i told them that to shut them up.”

he immediately whips his head up and you can see the smile slowly spreading on his face

it’s the cutest you’ve ever seen him tbh

probably just beams at you until someone shouts at him to clean up the beans because it was going to attract roaches and they didn’t want mingi to start screaming

first date

most probably a fancy dinner

at a fancy ass restaurant

my boy here is a whole ass gentleman

with top class manners

holds the door open for you when you enter the restaurant, pulls out your chair for you, helps you with your napkin

just marry him 

during dinner you’ll have such a great time together, talking about the posh people around you

at one point, you let out a loud laugh because of something seonghwa said, attracting rich glares from all the high-class snobs there, causing the both of you to laugh harder

after dinner, the both of you leave the restaurant and go to a nearby local shop for dessert, because he had just emptied his wallet for that meal and wasn’t going to spend another $10 on a tiny lava cake that wouldn’t be enough for even one of you

you both get ice cream and sit out in the open, carefree laughs filling the air as you exchange jokes and stories

once you’re done, he walks you home, shrugging the jacket off his shoulder to wrap it around you because it would be a sin to leave out that classic first date move

walks you all the way to the door and just stands outside with you, none of you wanting to leave each other

which leads me to my next long-awaited point

first kiss

definitely planned it

he even made a small chart of the whole date while he was still back in the dorm

so there you were, standing in front of him looking cute af, waiting for him to say something

and he does

“can i kiss you?”

will not do it if you’re not ready for it

but who wouldn’t be ready

so you shyly take a step forward, indicating your positive reply, and he takes it as his cue to do what he’s been wanting to do the whole night

wraps his arms around you and slowly leans in, giving you the softest and sweetest kiss ever

your hands softly grip the front of his shirt as one of his hands moves up to cup your cheeks, his touch as light as a feather

when you part, the first thing that comes out of his mouth is “wow”, causing you to giggle shyly

and boy oh boy did his heart do a thousand flips at that sound

gives you a small kiss on your forehead before sending you in, not leaving until he’s sure you’re safe inside

it was one of the best days he’s had and 10/10 would do it again

first fight

this was the most difficult to write

because fights can happen anytime and anywhere because of anything

but one of the first few fights you’d have is probably because of seonghwa’s tidiness 

you would have had a terrible day, and all you wanted to do was go home and sleep

but that wasn’t really possible because of seonghwa’s nagging, telling you to clean the place or do the dishes or wtv you were supposed to do

on normal days you’d just whine and get up and do it

but that day wasn’t a normal day

so you snapped, and it wasn’t pretty

you probably end up saying something hurtful 

and he’d definitely be shocked at first, not expecting you to snap

slowly, as he goes over your words, the hurt seeps in and he leaves the room without arguing back because he knows it’s only going to make things worse

you definitely regret what you said right after you say it, but you give yourself some time to collect yourself before you head out of the bedroom to find your boyfriend

you find him sitting on the sofa, staring blankly at the tv

and oh boy do you feel guilty

scared that you’d be overriding his space, you sit down a safe distance away from him, fumbling with your fingers as you think of what to say

finally you just decide to keep it simple and tell him what went wrong and why you were being so mean

all while reinstating the fact that none of it was his fault and that you were to blame completely

maybe you shed a few tears while talking

seeing this, he just sighs and pulls you towards him, wrapping his arms around you while whispering a soft “it’s okay baby”

and maybe you cried more hearing that

because your man had a heart made of gold

you’d probably have to do the chores for the rest of the week as punishment though

favourite things to do together

he’d love love LOVE to build figurines with you

his gundam figurines

to him, it’s the perfect way to bond

his favourite is the petty arguments you both have over which way is the correct way to assemble it

when there’s a whole instruction sheet lying right next to y’all screaming “read me crackheads”

but where’s the fun in following instructions

he’d probably give in to your way, just watching as you happily try to assemble the figurine, frowning once you realise the you were in the wrong the whole time and that seonghwa was right

you’d never admit it though

“actually maybe we should just do it your way, since i’m feeling a bit generous today.”

plays along with you and you both finally finish assembling it

what takes usually an hour, takes at least three hours when it’s you both assembling it together

because y’all are always distracted

petty arguments over who’s right

and many many many stolen kisses

general affection

wouldn’t usually initiate cuddles but will never reject them 

if u wanna cuddle then he was gonna cuddle the fuk out of you

you’d come back and just fall on him if he was laying on the sofa

or if he was in the kitchen, you’d just walk over and slump against his back, wrapping your arms around his waist

if you were already lying down, his arms will be around you, while your head rested on his chest, the both of you talking about your respective days

if you were to back hug him, he’d turn around in your arms and give you a soft forehead kiss that usually says “i’m busy right now but i’ll cuddle you later”

is honestly more of a kisser than hugger

keeps pda to a minimum—nothing more than a hand on your waist in public or in front of the members

but in private, damn

doesn’t know the meaning of the words ‘personal’ and ‘space’

will randomly kiss you

you could be walking past him and he’ll just pull you in and give you a quick kiss and pretend like nothing happened

i feel like he’ll be a very passionate kisser

other than pecks, when he’s really kissing you, definitely puts in as much emotion as he can

ᶜᵃⁿ ᵇᵉ ʳᵒᵘᵍʰ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ

definitely the type to combat jealousy by making out

talking about jealousy

gets jealous very easily

not that he doesn’t trust you, but he just doesn’t like the idea of others thinking of you in ways that only he should be thinking 

other than the members, any other guy you talk to gets the stank face from him

unless they’ve earned a pass, which is pretty rare

but if he still ends up being jealous, you better prepare yourself to be attacked with kisses when you’re home

ᵐᶦᵍʰᵗ ˡᵉᵃᵈ ᵗᵒ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰᶦⁿᵍ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ʷᵉ'ˡˡ ⁿᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵏⁿᵒʷ

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #park seonghwa imagines #park seonghwa scenarios #park seonghwa #dating au series #dee scribbles #woooo my first ateez fic #hope y'all like it huhu #<33

[smartguyreviewed]

1x7 - A Little Knowledge

Original air date: May 7, 1997

Hello there, friends. How are we holding up during these “unprecedented times?” I am currently holding up by pretty much being high 18/7, not sleeping and obsessing over a show that pretty much nobody talks about because I am that bored.

Really, I do want to thank anyone who takes the time to read this blog and/or drop a like. I started this blog because I enjoyed reading reviews of Lizzie McGuire and Boy Meets World. And then I thought of how not that many black sitcoms are pretty much ever really discussed. I watched Smart Guy so much when I was a kid but didn’t realize how important it was to even be watching it because we had so many other black television shows during my childhood, the complete opposite of how it is now. I always thought about even making a YouTube channel reviewing that black ass nostalgia that I love so much, but since I’m in the ugly phase of growing my starter locs, I figured I’d blog for now. 

Alright! There’s my intro. I really did mean it, but I had no idea how else to segue into the opening for this episode. By the way, if anyone is a super meticulous asshole and thinks the numbering of the episodes is off, I was honestly confused because Disney omitted a whole ass episode of the show, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the numbering of the episodes is different here but nowhere else on the web. The first season is already less than 10 episodes, so whatever.

Okay, so we open to Floyd about to do his books but he needs the little precocious calculator to help him out. This triggers me because I still have not done my taxes even though the deadline was extended. Luckily, it doesn’t appear that the Hendersons have any timely bills due but they are broke. After TJ adds up all the numbers, Floyd sees he is definitely not in the black. 

Because the episode is about money, naturally, both of Floyd’s grown children need pricey things all of a sudden. Yvette comes down and asks for a coat to replace this...thing that she’s wearing because it’s clearly ill-fitting. Floyd says he can buy her a new coat, as long as she’s not particular as to which winter she gets it in.

Up next is our Marcus, asking for something totally egregious. At least Yvette was asking for weather appropriate clothing. Marcus is asking Floyd for a $1500 bike. And now I’m confused. Why the hell would Marcus of all people need a bike? If he’s really trying his damndest to get the girls, I thought the band alone served that purpose. Regardless, Marcus needs it and he’s a teenager so the world is going to end tomorrow if he doesn’t get this deathcycle of his. He even tries to manipulate his dad by showing him a photo of Floyd on his bike. I actually think it’s cute how Floyd lights up at the sight of younger him. Maybe he met his deceased wife during these years? 

Floyd breaks out of memory lane and reminds Marcus that he, a human parent, wants the finer things also, including the chance to see his old friends at his high school reunion but that doesn’t seem to have a snowball’s chance in hell of happening. Yeah, because Floyd has to put food on the table for a woman and three guys (yes, I’m including Mo and guys eat a lot and I don’t wanna hear shit about how girls eat a lot too because guys just eat more and that’s a fact) and school all of his children. No room for the finer things.

He then says that Yvette and Marcus can buy what they want but simply have to get jobs. Marcus balks at the idea and says he wouldn’t want work to interrupt his studies. Yvette and TJ have a nice little kii over this since hahaha “Marcus is dumb,” hahaha.

We cut to TJ in his room attempting to strategize ways for the Henderson clan to save money while watching a bootleg version of Jeopardy!. Marcus comes in on the phone with Craig, the guy selling the bike, and convinces him to not sell it, even though Marcus only has 4.2% of the funds. Yvette barges in and is pissed at her annoying little brothers for not unlocking her door when they’re done with the bathroom. See, they share a bathroom in this episode. In another episode, Yvette gets her own bathroom built...somewhere because she’s tired of sharing with them. This bathroom is never mentioned again. In another episode, Marcus temporarily moves to the attic. I just wonder exactly how the Henderson house is built because it seems like there’s so much space yet so little space? 

The boys aren’t listening to Yvette however, because she stank. She credits this funk to the job she just got at the Cluck Bucket, “yanking the gushy stuff out of chickens,” as Marcus eloquently puts it. She brags, saying she makes $100 a week, which is obviously $1000 a week in 90s money. 

After TJ proposes that Yvette cut Marcus’s hair, Marcus realizes TJ is attempting to optimize their family’s finances. TJ really is doing a lot for a 10 year old here. Normally, he’s being extremely rude to them, but in this episode, he’s trying to use his intelligence to fix a problem that he has no business worrying about. Clearly, this intelligence is a gift and a curse. I’m about to be 29 and I worry all the time about things I can’t even control along with the things I can. Imagine being 10, gifted AF and stressing only about adult things you can’t control.

Marcus actually delivers good advice this episode, most likely unbeknownst to him. He commands TJ to turn off his brain and stop worrying because this is something he can’t fix. And Marcus is right. A 10 year old has zero reasons to be trying to balance the family checkbook. It would have been better if he threw a Gameboy at him and told him that’s his homework instead.

But this is TJ and he is the determinator AKA hard-headed. Bootleg Jeopardy! is about to end but the host announces a junior version of the show. TJ checks all the boxes. Youngster? Check. Living in the D.C. area? Check. In desperate need of $25k? Double check!

TJ and Marcus are back home and go over how they’re going to break the news to Floyd since obviously he wouldn’t have given TJ permission to audition if they asked. Floyd seems pissed at first when they tell him but Marcus makes sure to place emphasis on how TJ kicked ass. Floyd is proud now, even though a few moments ago, he was about to go full Papa Bear.

The next day, Piedmont is buzzing about TJ’s television debut but he’s confused because he only told his fam. We then cut to Marcus blabbing to some girl about how he can get her a seat next to him so she can give him a handjob on the sly. (Of course, we don’t even see said girl at the show.) TJ tells Marcus he didn’t want everyone to know because, understandably, now there’s more pressure on him. Marcus responds to this by putting even more pressure on him, telling Craig that TJ is going to win him the bike. Then he puts a damn anvil on it by telling Craig to raise the price to $1700 and he’ll just take the bike now. This will end well.

TJ, under immense pressure because the show is filming in 6 hours at this point (film/TV people, if you’re reading, feel free to say if this is even normal for it to move this quickly especially for an underage guest?), is up late at night studying his ass off and high off legal coke. He’s awoken Marcus who is wondering why on earth TJ would be up this early studying for a quiz television show that has a large monetary prize and they’re broke. He wants TJ to get some sleep by he’s in the zone because he had 20 cups of coffee. After a drug fueled rant, he just passes out. 

6 hours later and TJ is still high. Floyd chalks it up to nerves before TJ starts sprinting around the set. Marcus shows up, announcing he just chained up his new bike to a dumpster. This will end well. He checks in on TJ who is still coked up and not coming down anytime soon. His dad calls him over to meet the other contestants which include Dylan Roof and Yung Sharpay.

After the kids are ushered onto set, Floyd goes to the other hoity toity parents, bragging about their kids’ accomplishments. He dismisses them and says TJ actually has a life. Floyd, you dick! Afterwards, the show begins. The host is opening and says he believes that children are our future. Floyd and Marcus are backstage and in true black parent fashion, once TJ is announced, they lose their shit!

The game is now underway and Yung Sharpay and TJ are caught up. Dylan Roof is pretty much just there because he’s so far behind that it doesn’t even matter. Amy loudly tells TJ that he has a broken leg and they’re loading the shotgun because she just caught up to him. Of course, nobody heard this even though she was loud as hell. Also, racial implications much?

Yvette comes late in her work uniform and is hurriedly trying to tell Marcus a bit of info he’ll want to act fast on, but naturally, he shushes her to listen to the game that TJ is about to possibly lose. Yvette is also a petty asshole, so she doesn’t even try to tell him again. They cut to break and Yvette announces then that Marcus’s bike is gone. Turns out, locking it to a dumpster isn’t the best idea because some guy in a garbage truck stole it dragged the dumpster away. Marcus is pissed and lets slip that he paid $1700 for it which gets him in trouble because he just told Floyd that he was taking it on a test drive. Then the rest of the truth spews out. Marcus says he wanted something from the money TJ was going to win and oh mama is Floyd pissed because he naturally expects the worst from Marcus always and thinks he forced TJ to be in the competition which wasn’t even the case. Floyd tells Marcus he’s going to talk to TJ and warns him to “brace himself” for when he gets back. Yvette gleefully says she’s going to get chalk for his body outline. What did Marcus do to everyone to make them hate him so much? TJ does way shittier things than him and he’s still held in high regard. Hmm.

Floyd comes over to TJ to check in and lets him know that he’s aware of what’s going on. TJ, who has only consumed coffee and chocolate for the past few hours, is now dizzy. Floyd has to remind TJ that he has plenty of time to worry about rent and bills and student loans and credit card debt and finding a therapist and the pressure to have it “together” by the time you’re 30 which is crazy unrealistic. Good lesson and one of the few times I don’t wanna strangle TJ. Understandably, with the pressure off, TJ wants to dipset. The host, while seeing TJ and Floyd leaving, says they signed a contract so somebody needs to fill in for TJ. Cut to one of the funniest scenes in the show, hands down.

The question is how much did Thomas Jefferson, another TJ, pay for the Louisiana Purchase? This is word for word what Marcus-as-TJ says.

“Well uh, let’s see. In DC, the most you can take out of the ATM is $300 and you would wanna hold back a $20 in case something comes up, so I’m gonna say $280, Hugh.”

Yvette’s reaction says it all.

In the end, we see Yvette at the Cluck Bucket, putting on her functional gray pea coat that she probably got from Contempo Casuals or something. Marcus is the janitor now because he has to work off his debt to Craig and because remember, Marcus is a dark-skinned buffoon and couldn’t get the same job as Yvette for some reason. Whatever. I wonder what Yung Sharpay did with her prize money.

Stuff I Noticed:

- Yvette’s jacket. What is this?

- Marcus’s face for Lil’ Dylan and Yung Sharpay versus TJ. I love black families.

White lady on the left does not approve.

- No Mo this episode! :(

#ashley tisdale #smart guy #disney #tahj mowry #tj henderson #90s #nineties #marcus henderson #floyd henderson #john marshall jones #jason weaver #high school musical #yvette henderson #essence atkins

[monicalorandavis]

I was an intern at Comedy Central and it mostly sucked

File this under the category of “Who Cares?”

Everybody knows interns (at basically every company) are treated like shit.  They are used strictly for running errands and little else. It was likely that a TV network should follow suit. To no one’s surprise, Comedy Central treated interns like shit. I was. The interns around me were. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time. I had so little work experience and I was so grateful for the opportunity that I figured it was part of the process of getting to where you wanted to be. It wasn’t until I ran into Joe, an assistant (who had particularly made my life hell) at a party a few years later that I even thought about how mean he had been to me. I wanted to let it go. But he had been really fucking mean and it stung to think about. He wasn’t alone. It was actually a whole group of assistants who I’d felt had humiliated me. I remember going to lunch at the same time the assistants were leaving for lunch. They caught the elevator and I had asked to join, trailing just a step behind them. Joe barked “No”, closed the elevator doors in my face and I heard them all laughing at me on the way down. I stared at the closed doors, shocked. Never in my life had I been treated like such a loser. I was in a fucking teen movie being bullied by complete pricks. And the worst part was, these people were definitely the kids who’d been bullied.

I caught the next elevator and when I arrived on the ground level, they were waiting for me. They didn’t say anything. They looked guilty like they’d realized they’d been mean to an intern who would likely say something to someone in HR and decided to extend me the kindness of waiting for me. Only I didn’t want them to wait for me and I would never say anything. Unlike them, I didn’t like making people feel like shit. We walked to get salads in silence. They resumed their conversation but I paid and left before them. It was so weird after that. For like a day. And then, it started all over again.

There were exceptions during that time and I would like to name them and give them all their credit. Tony, one of the early writer/producers of Workaholics (a gig he got during my time there), was fabulously kind to me. He never made me feel lame or stupid and I was sad to see him go even though I knew writing was his goal. Walter was nice. Gary was nice. Seth. But I have forgotten many people’s names and you’ll forgive me as this was almost a decade ago. That time exists in a haze. I was living downtown with two of my girlfriends in a loft apartment that didn’t have walls. I had no bedroom. Just an upstairs “room” with a bathroom with a toilet but no shower. I paid $500 a month for a glorified port-a-potty and thus, acted like a degenerate. Every night, I either smoked weed until I fell asleep or scoured the streets for a cute boy to spend the night with. It was during that time that I was lucky enough to get an internship at a company that could change the course of my life - Comedy Central. It was a gift to work there and I knew it. I didn’t have any Hollywood connections.This was it. I would take it seriously, I promised myself. So, I did.

Comedy Central used to be the mecca. Before Tosh.0 and Jim Jefferies, it was the home of Chappelle’s Show. I am not exaggerating when I tell you this: that show changed the whole goddamn world and I was no exception. it changed me. It was the blueprint. Comedy could be brutal on white people. It could get real and gross and political and stupid all at the same time. Comedy nerds like me ate it up.

Dave Chappelle’s two season masterpiece of a show infected college campuses in 2004 when it was released on DVD. That was the year I started college. By happenstance, I was part of the DVD revolution. We would crowd into each other’s dorm rooms and cry laughing and then watch the same episode again. It caught fire. Dave Chappelle bridged the gap between black and white, famous and normal while still keeping himself removed from the whole thing, aloof - distinguished...better than us. His skewering of racism was a glass through which we could see in fact, we were all participants in the same system albeit on other sides. 

So, Chappelle’s Show was important to me. I wanted to work at a place that had created art. I would try to shine there and let my own ideas blossom into projects.

But in spite of my eagerness, I was aware at the time (as we all were) that Comedy Central had paid Dave Chappelle $50 million for a third season but instead of delivering, he walked off set and fled to Africa. This was the story we were told. This was before Twitter and Instagram. The internet swirled with rumors that he had gone crazy and was going to live in Africa forever. He had abandoned Hollywood for good.

But the whole thing stank of racism, buried just underneath the surface. Why was Chappelle suddenly crazy when he didn’t want a huge sum of money? Yes, that’s a huge sum of money but deep down I thought, those people are trying to exploit him. Intuitively I felt like Chappelle knew he was part of a bigger racial-bridging that was allowing white people access to private areas of black culture. He had invited fans to shout famous lines back at him. Lines that Chappelle himself and other black actors had killed with. But, lines that white fans should never say. They were insensitive to the privilege shared by black people to communicate to other black people. White people want to say the n-word and it’s not theirs to say. It’s a truth other black comedians have shared.

When Chris Rock was caught in conversations with racists who relayed his “niggers versus black people” bit back to him he retired it permanently. The price of being an honest black comedian in this country is that white people can retell your insider information as intel. White people who would otherwise have no interaction with black people now has an arsenal of information. They have evidence that was not acquired through firsthand experience. They have heard the inner monologue of black America and instead of fixing racial injustice, they are repeating their favorite lines. And in spite of all of that, in spite of all the drama between Comedy Central and Dave Chappelle, in spite of the racial implications the media had thrown around, I got a job as an intern in hopes just being in the same office that created Chappelle’s Show could imbue me with some genius or good fortune.

It didn’t.

It was whack. There were like 40 of us on a rotating schedule where three of us would work certain days together and then another three would work another group of days and sometimes you would see other interns on your day because they couldn’t come in on their regular day. Since there were so many interns doing the work that one capable assistant could perform we were all basically twiddling our thumbs, trying to look useful and eager. Some interns dazzled executives with their epic notes on scripts, replete with a solid three act structure and relevant examples, figures, marketing suggestions. Others buried their noses up anyone’s ass who lingered near them long enough, offering to get coffee, lunch, snacks, dry cleaning, children from daycare, gifts for spouses, you name it. I employed none of these strategies. I scoped the most eligible bachelors and tried to dazzle them with my charms. The married ones would have been the smarter bet. Married men are more willing to go out on a limb for a cute, inexperienced graduate with a lot to prove. They won’t cheat but they like feeling important to women still so they’ll toss around bread crumbs. The single ones are still so obsessed with themselves that they can’t see far enough past their noses to help. I was vying for the attention of one executive I was sure would marry me, given I had enough alone time with him in the kitchen, when I learned he was getting engaged. It was devastating. Of course I would choose to be in love with someone just about to propose.

It dawned on me that marrying your way into the entertainment business was sort of gross and I was at Comedy Central to make a name for myself. Meaning, I should make it for myself. Not rely on somebody else giving me a handout. I had to go out and earn my job. Unfortunately, it seemed that only a few at Comedy Central had actually earned their job from sheer hard work. Most people had arrived there from a combination of knowing someone and favors and white privilege that is the winningest cocktail of all time. But, even they didn’t really like their jobs. It made no sense. The ones with the worst attitudes, who were the most lazy, cranky, emotionally unhinged seemed to know the most people. And they hated everything and everyone.

Below them, were us, the interns. And to my chagrin, I’d been wasting entire weeks of time pining over some man who’d hardly noticed me while these nerds were working their asses off. I was light years behind and frankly, unwilling to break my back for a job that didn’t seem like it would ever come my way. I was this sore thumb. I felt like a step sister and everyone else was The Brady Bunch. Primarily, I looked very different than everyone there. I wore ripped jeans and had tattoos and listened to hip hop. Wearing hoop earrings to work basically identified me as a member of the Crips. These people were so white and goofy that the only person of color they’d managed to hire had gone to private school their entire lives.

This sounds bratty already and I swear to God, I am not an ungrateful asshole. I am writing this to say that the experience crushed me a little bit. I left the internship at the end of the summer with no interest in staying in touch with anyone. With the exception of running into Joe at a party, I’ve run into one girl, Sarah, at my exercise class. I reveled when she feigned confusion when I asked if she’d remembered me from Comedy Central three years prior. I thought to myself, “I’m about to ruin this bitch’s day” and I’d like to think that her trembling, noodle-like legs during my class were some karmic retribution for her unkindness.

Besides that, I have no ill feelings towards anyone presently. To be fair, the assistants were only a year or two older than me at the time and wielding an unnatural amount of power. They did not handle power well. Not many do.

#comedy central #dave chappelle #workaholics #comedy #intern #2000s blog

[neganandblake]

The Strip Club - A Negan & Blake AU | PART 2

Blake works as an exotic dancer in a high end strip club where Negan has just got a job on the nightclub’s security team.

It was late, gone 3am by the time the last of the revellers had been turfed out onto the street and the strip club’s light were turned up and the nightly cleaning crew began their work.

It was the end of Blake’s shift and she had already managed to slip off stage ten minutes early to get changed back into a pair of tight black jeans, a white vest, with a black jacket thrown over the top of her bare shoulders. And as much as she enjoyed he shimmery, sequinned costumes, it was nice to get back to being herself again.

Her fall earlier this evening had definitely shaken her nerves a little bit. And since then, she hadn’t been able to get her rescuer off her mind.

And so with her black purse clutched tightly between her hands, Blake made her way across the club, waving goodbye to Jimmy,the club’s manager, as she went.

It stank of sweat and spilt liquor in here, and usually Blake was in a rush to get out of this tired old place once her shift was done, but tonight, her eyes searched the multi-layered room, looking for someone...

But unfortunately there was no sign of him here.

She knew of course that the security staff hung around for at least another hour after the dancers went home, but still, she could see Max, Eric and Tony, but no sign of her mystery man anywhere...

So, letting a sigh escape her lips, Blake’s shoulders dropped a little, as she tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, heading out of the back door of the club and into the lit alleyway beyond, where her car was parked. Not even noticing a figure leaning against the wall of the club, smoking a cigarette...

Reaching into her purse for her car keys, she almost jumped out of her skin as a sudden voice behind her spoke.

“Glad to see you’re wearin’ more sensible shoes now, Peaches...” came a low hum of a voice, causing Blake to drop the keys she was holding in fright.

She spun around, worried for a moment that it was of the club’s drunken clients, but to her relief her eyes met with a pair of warm almond ones instead.

There he was, her saviour, smirking gently, taking a drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the floor and stubbing it out with his foot, letting out a puff of spoke from his lips.

Blake clutched at her chest.

“God you could’ve given me a heart attack,” she uttered catching her breath and giving a gentle shake of her head, as the man approached her, bending down to pick up her keys to hand them to her.

He stopped close, so close in fact that Blake could smell the warm cigarette smoke from here, mixed with peppermint and leather, and felt her heart beat just that little bit faster at his proximity to her.

“Sorry about that, Darlin’,” he said in a goading voice. “But after I saved your ass earlier, I feel like you have to forgive me for that.”

He pressed the keys back into her hands and gazed up into her eyes as she rolled her own, a smile twitching its way onto her lips.

“Hmmmm,” she mused, wrinkling her nose teasingly. “Maybe....”

Their eyes met for a long moment as they smiled at each other in the silence of the alleyway.

But Blake couldn’t keep up the act any longer, her gaze slipping down to the keys in her hand, blushing.

“In all seriousness though, I really did want to say thank you for what you did earlier.”

Her earnest comment earned her a smile from him.

“Well as of six hours ago, it’s my job,” he said easily. “But hell, I think even if it wasn’, I couldn’t have stood by an’ let an asshole like that put his hands all over you...”

Blake looked up at him, licking gently at her lips.

“Well I really do appreciate it,” she said in a quiet voice.

The man grinned back at her.

“Well in that case, how ‘bout you come to dinner with me tomorrow night? If you’re free, before work?” he asked smoothly.

Blake felt her cheeks flush a darker pink. “I can’t...”

“Brunch then?” he tried.

But the blonde woman just glanced away tucking a strand of hair behind her other ear.

“I don’t even know your name,” she said with a small laugh.

But the man easily held out his hand towards her. “Negan.”

She blinked at him for a second before giving him her own.

“Blake,” she replied.

The man named Negan offered her a wide smile in return.

“So how about it, Blake? What do you say? Brunch tomorrow morning....or Thursday if that’s any better?”

But Blake, biting down onto her lip, lost her smile, her cheeks flushing for a different reason now.

“I’m really sorry, I can’t,” she said with a shake of her head, lowering her gaze to the floor. “Thanks again got your help Negan. I-Ive uh...I’ve got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

And with that, feeling as though she could cry, Blake turned away and walked to her car, leaving the man named Negan standing there looking more than a little confused as she drove swiftly away without another word.

--------------------------------

Blake took the short walk from the car to her house, trying to be as quiet as possible as she let herself into a her front door.

During her years working as an exotic dancer she’d earned more than enough money to rent in a good part of town. She had everything she needed in life....didn’t she?

She gave a small gulp, thinking back to her conversation with Negan.

She so wished she could’ve agreed to go with him to dinner, but some things, as much as she dreamed about them, were just impossible...

She slipped her shoes off in the hallway, glancing up as she saw the flickering of a tv screen coming from the darkened lounge.

A hard lump formed in her throat as she rounded the corner, stopping in the doorway.

“Get any good tips tonight?” came a slurred voice, full of contempt, as it so often was these days. “Or do you actually have to suck their dicks too to get anything worthwhile these days?”

Blake felt sick at his words.

She was a dancer and that was where she drew the line, and so for her fiancé David to accuse her of something like that, truly hurt her now. “You’ve been drinking...” she said in worried voice. “Mia-“ “Jesus Christ you stupid bitch, yeah the kid’s asleep, me havin’ a couple of beers ain’t doing her any fucking harm now is it?” Blake paled, backing up and making to head upstairs to check on her two year old daughter. But with one foot on the staircase, she heard David’s voice call out to her again. “So, you too tired, after givin’ old men boners all night, to suck me off or not?” Blake’s fingers gripped the railing so hard her knuckles turned immediately white. “Uh...I have a bit of a headache, so...” she lied, feeling her mouth go suddenly dry. She heard David let out a hollow laugh from the living room. “Y’know for a stripper, you can be one hell of a frigid bitch sometimes.” Blake hovered there for a long moment, a tear slipping down her face, before making her way quickly up the stairs, hoping that she would have time to check on Mia AND pretend to be asleep by the time David made it up to bed... ....wishing somehow, that despite her nice house, closet full of expensive clothes and beautiful daughter, that her life had turned out differently... ...her mind flitting back to Negan hopelessly one last time, before scurrying away upstairs. 

-------------------------------------

:(

#negan and blake #negan #negan oc #negans-network #negan twd #jdm #jeffrey dean morgan #negan fic #negan imagine #negan prompt #the walking dead #twd #negan au #negan and blake au #negan the walking dead

[thekrazykeke]

This is so much fun, I swear before Jesus! As a big family person myself, writing about the reader’s family is cathartic. Mainly because families spill the tea in my stories more than the main character ever will 😙🤣

Boop.

It’s easy to get caught up with Erik, to be swept up in his energy. Although you’d tried to maintain a ‘slow and steady wins the race’ mentality when you’d agreed to be his girl, somehow, someway, the two of y’all just dived headfirst into a relationship. 

More often than not, you ended up staying the night over at his crib and you didn’t always use the excuse of wanting to play video games to go see him. He surprised you by how affectionate and touchy-feely he is, though you tried to get used to it and reciprocate in kind, you had been on your own for a good stretch and some habits are hard to break. It didn’t irritate him (so much) anymore and he even took it with good grace, seeming to make it his mission to wrap an arm around your waist that more often, kiss the back of your neck, or pull you into his lap, etc.

Nadia noticed the change in y’all dynamic and while she said that she approved, there was the feeling that she was distancing herself from you, which hurt, if you were being honest, since the two of y’all had hit it off instantly and been flatmates for over two years. 

However, you weren’t the type to beg anyone to be friends with you if they didn’t want to. 

The independent streak that your mother had nurtured in you your whole life wasn’t disappearing anytime soon, if at all, and occasionally, it clashed with Erik’s habit of spoiling you with too much of, well, just about everything: clothes, shoes, hair, nails, etc. Hell, he had paid off your portion of the rent for six months (you’d managed to talk him out of paying off the entire year just barely). While you would like to say that you were happy, and most of the time you truly are, you couldn’t quite shake the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

“Girl, you stupid.” Breanna, your older cousin, stated bluntly. “This nigga is payin’ bills, showering you with gifts, and, wait, is the dick good?”

You swirled the spoon in the bowl of ice cream, unable to meet her eyes. “So good.” 

“Did you hit ya head or somethin’? I should walk out of this cafe right now. You called me alllllll the way out here with a SOS text message and I’m thinkin’ it’s a serious situation.” Giving you the stink eye, she stabbed her slice of pie viciously. “Bitch, you is living the dream.” 

“It is a serious situation.” Ignoring her ‘girl, stop it!’ look, you purse your lips, “Like, I don’t know where he works, what he does for a living. He told me a little bit about his childhood, but...” 

“Y/N, baby cousin, I love you like a sister, and because I care about you so much, I’m going to say something that might hurt your feelings.” Breanna comments, putting down her fork.

“Oh, damn. Lay it on me then, cuz.”

“Your current boo is not your stank ass ex, Mitchell. Girl, you need to celebrate, apparently yo pussy so good, you got a hotep willing to be a househusband. I mean, damn. Give me lessons!” Expressively, she gesticulated as her voice gained an octave. Customers glanced in y’all direction and you laughed nervously before glaring at her. “Sorry, sorry.” Breanna apologized, tone lowering again. “Does he know about Mitchell?”

“Can we change the subject from that whack ass nigga?” You complain.

Mitchell Sanders had been your high school sweetheart and the two of y’all had dated a year and a half through college. During the final year of your relationship, he had been increasingly short tempered and critical of everything about you. While you were young, dumb and in love, you weren’t too sprung that you didn’t love your melanin skin and his passive-aggressive, caustic comments about ‘if you were a little lighter...’ only frustrated and depressed you enough to eventually dump his ass. Not even two months later, he started dating Cassandra Wynters, a preppy white soccer player. Last you’d heard about the happy couple, they’d been racing for the nearest courthouse as she was pregnant.

“No, because that nigga got yo silly-dilly ass thinkin’ that yo future baby daddy is a no good asshole wit a white girlfriend on the side.” 

“Oh God. You know what? I’ma head on out of here.” You try to flag down the waiter, only Breanna kicks you in the shin. “Ow, bitch! Mercy!” You hiss through your teeth. “The hell?”

"You such a baby.” She rolled her eyes. “Sit wit me for a few extra minutes before I gotta go back home.” Breanna instructed sternly, in the way that only family members really could command somebody to do anything. “This the only time I get some personal time away from Miguel and Tiana.”

“Oooh, how are your kids?” You pick up your spoon, the melted sweet dripping off the end and back into the bowl. 

Snorting, her tone is fond as she says, “Bad as hell as usual. Dre’s watching them right now so it’s all good. They always behave for they daddy.” Mushy expression changing quickly, she pointed a finger at you accusingly, “Girl, don’t even try and change the subject, though! You need to communicate with ya man so that he can address these issues early in the relationship. I will not stand by and let you sabotage yourself because you scared that you feelin’ this dude a little too much.” 

“Whatever, Bre. I’m done talkin’ about this for today.” 

Even though you said that, it lingered at the back of your mind the rest of the day. Work was routine so you didn’t mess up due to inattentiveness, thank goodness, and you couldn’t talk to Nadia since right now the two of y’all were in some strange type of friendship/flatmate limbo. 

"Wassup?” That’s the greeting Erik gave you before giving you a peck on the lips. “...Ay, you good?” He asked, pulling back a little to scrutinize you carefully. 

‘Fuck, he’s figured it out!’ Reaching a hand up, you place it against the nape of his neck, leaning in for another quick kiss. “Mm, better now. I mean, heh, why wouldn’t I be?”

Score one for being overcompensating. 

Eyebrows raising, for a heart stopping moment you thought he’d call you out on your bullshit, but Erik just shook his head. “...Okay. Good day at work then. I can work wit that. I’m sayin’ though, you wanted to check out that restaurant on McMillan and 4th West Ave? I made a reservation if you still wanna go...?” 

“The restaurant with the skyline view of the city and that famous seafood chef that cooks his food fresh every day?” Eyes lighting up, you launch yourself into his arms and he gripped the back of your thighs, lifting you. “Yes, yes, yes! Please!” Hands framing his face, you kissed him again, this time more intently, feeling his fingers squeezing your thighs. “And afterwards we can come back here. You let me say thank you again, properly?I might even get on my knees.”

Erik set you down on your feet. Bodies brushing up against each other, there’s no mistaking the feeling of him being half hard. “Don’t start that shit. Teasing a nigga before we go out in public.” Popping you on the ass, he snorted at the squeal you let out. “Hurry up. That reservation at seven thirty.” 

You gaped at him momentarily, turning to leave, “Why didn’t you say that at first?!”

“I’m tellin’ you now!” 

Last minute as it was, the two of y’all showed up literally dressed to slay. All eyes were on the both of you. The question in all of those pale faces were ‘How can these negroes afford to eat here?’, if not phrased exactly like that, the point still stood. 

Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to care for once. 

It didn’t matter how Erik knew the chef personally and that they shook hands as if old friends, or how the table he’d booked was strategically placed right near the area where the chef worked and you wouldn’t miss a thing while he cooked. 

For tonight, you had decided to let those fears and anxieties go. To enjoy this date with ya man.

Then the weirdest thing happened. 

“Y/N?” A nasally, high pitched voice called. "Oh my God, Y/N! Hey, hi!” Waving excitedly is a slightly plump, but cute waitress. Handing off a tray of drinks to another waiter, she hurried over to the table. “It’s been so long.”

“Uhh, baby?” Erik is understandably confused and so are you.

“I’m sorry. Do I...know you?”

“Oh! Oh, duh!” Slapping her forehead, she went through a quick demonstration of your alma mater’s hand sign. “It’s me! Cassandra!” She added, when it became clear that you were still drawing a blank.

“O-Ooooh, Cas. Wooooow, girl. Hey.” Your greeting lacked enthusiasm and Erik raised an eyebrow at you. You valiantly ignored this as you grasped for something nice to say. “Lookin’ good, girl. Shoot, I ain’t even recognize you.”

“It’s okay.” Heavily, she dropped into a seat next to Erik and yourself after grabbing a chair from another table. “I know I put on a few pounds since college and I cut my hair.” 

“Nooo!” Waving your hands frantically, you shake your head, “It’s not that. It’s just...I thought you’d be on TV, living your dream as a soccer player and everything.” Erik ‘coughed’ into his fist. “Sorry! Cassandra, this is my man, Erik. Baby, this is Cassandra Wynters.”

He ignored her outstretched hand. “And we on a date. So...maybe get back to your job?” 

As if you’d only just recognized her uniform, you gasped, hoping it’s believable. “Oh damn! I didn’t mean to take up all your time with my chit-chatting. I don’t want you to get in trouble, and we are on a date, so... Rain check. I’ll have the, um, maitre d’ give you my contact info.” 

Cheeks flushed, she raised slowly from her position, “Right. So sorry, that was rude and inappropriate, my just running over here.” Laughing awkwardly, a little piggish snort escaped and you sipped at your drink to avoid laughing in her face. “I’ll catch you later then.” 

“Yep. Ta-ta!” Dismissing her, you turn your full attention onto Erik once again, relaxing only when she walked away. 

“That musta felt good, huh?” Erik is excellent at reading your body language and cues. You grin evilly and he snorted. “I can’t believe she just ran her ass over here like y’all was in a crowded subway station or something.”

Your shake your head and thank the waiter who refills the glasses while another takes the extra chair away again. “Some people have no home training!” You state in your best posh voice. 

Placing a hand over his chest, he played along, effecting a ‘shocked’ tone, “Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?”

It was very likely that y’all made all those white folks big mad with how y’all were laughing and carrying on. Enjoying the food and each other’s company. And when it came time to leave, Erik’s hand on your waist is a warm comfort as you catch sight of Cassandra being scolded by the maitre d’, or her boss, or whoever, at the corner of your eye. For a brief moment, the two of you stare at each other and you’re the first to look away, tilting your head up to kiss at Erik’s jaw, an action that caused him to startle briefly before he captured your lips in a kiss that toed the line between being indecent and sweet.  

Maybe its God, or karma, or something else telling you to stop questioning every single thing about the mystery surrounding this man, that when it was time to know, he would tell you. To enjoy being the central focus of someone’s attention and who actually, truly, wants to be with you and only you. That everything would work out. Whatever the lesson to be learned here, the thought, ‘I am so blessed.’ Kept reverberating through your brain on a loop. And yeah, you gave that dimple cheeked fool some road head while on the way back to his crib. 

Can you really be blamed? 

#mcu #erik killmonger #mcu imagine #erik killmonger imagine #marvel #black reader #marvel imagine #black panther #erik killmonger x reader #black panther imagine #thekrazykeke

[crazedattractionff-blog]

Chapter 10

Mayleen Janae Carter

My back against the seat, lighting up my fifth blunt of the night, just thinking about life and Dre...he's always been solid about his feelings towards me, but the way he acts at school is just something different. Why act brand new in front of everyone else, but behind closed doors he shows affection? I don't get it, and I don't think I ever will. I'm not bout to wait on him either, so maybe letting him go will just have to be best. That's what it comes down to.

"Why you don't wanna be together?" Dre asked, looking over at me.

After we parted ways with the crew, we decided to hang out, but now it's getting deep...I didn't think he would be the one to bring it up, but I knew it had to be talked about one way or another...just not tonight, this can go two ways between us.

"Cause Dre, you already have females...I don't wanna be added to that list, aight?" I said truthfully. I'm more than that, and discovered my worth a while ago, I will not be anybody's second choice, rebound, none of that!

"Who said I got females? Cause I don't." Dre paused, licking his bottom lip, scratching under his chin. "Listen, ion want any of em cause they ain't genuine, never really took the time to get to know me, like you did...I ain't comparing em to you, cause you're different, Mayleen. You've always been true, and ion know what took me so long to realize that." He confessed, I had to fight the urge of rolling my eyes.

"Dre..you been smoking, so why couldn't you say this before we were five blunts deep?"

He just shrugged, dropping the conversation.

India Jade Williams

Silence.

That's what consumed the house. Blake is over at one of his friends' houses, a couple other boys on his team spent the night over there; I didn't have a problem with it because we know the family, they've been over here a few times due to parties. As Blake was gone, it was just me and Chris, I'm staying in my room because I don't want to have a run in with Chris...never mind there was only so much silence I can take, so I put my pride to the side and made my way to Chris' room.

Bunny slippers and all.

Blowing out a breath, I raised my hand to knock on his door, soon creaking the door open and walked in slowly. "I'm not disturbing you, am I?" I questioned, as I looked at him, holding a tiny smile.

He shook his head, waving me over.  "Nah you good, wassup?" He licked the corner of his lip, eyeing my petite frame. I looked down at what I was wearing, leggings and a tank top.

"Nothing, I'm bored...and I guess we could have some bonding time?" I added in quickly, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. I meant it as like friendly bonding, nothing sexual...but if it happens, it happens.

He raised his brow, shaking his head, "What you tryna bond over?" I just shrugged, his voice was in that relaxed state, had a slight rasp to it, and that shit was a weakness for me.

"We could watch a movie...then eat something?" I suggested. The way he was looking at me had me ready to jump on him, but I had to keep my cool. Getting up from his bed, I clapped my hands and made my way towards the door, "I'll meet you downstairs, we can order a pizza too."

"Aight, I'll be down in a bit." Chris sat up on his bed, going to a box on the side of his dresser. I'm guessing that's where he keeps his stash, cause I have one myself. Nodding, I turned on the heels of my feet and walked out of his room.

Letting out a hum as I sat on the couch, I turned the tv on and settled on old reruns of Wild N Out, it's mad corny now but they got some good guests. Feeling the couch shift, I looked over at Chris, then back at the tv. Out the corner of my eye I saw him split the backwood, pouring the guts into an empty water bottle, and filling the wrap with green.

"Dominos or Pizza Hut?" I asked, as a commercial came on.

"Pizza Hut. The fuck kinda question is that, India?" He chuckled loosely, tucking and folding as he sealed the backwood. I distracted myself by dialing the number for Pizza Hut.

"Hey, I was just asking. Most don't like them." I shrugged, the dial tone ending as someone answered.

"Thanks for calling Pizza Hut, this is Emily, how may I assist you?" Emily spoke, sounding too cheery. Must be her first day, or she just loves her job.

"Hi Emily, what kind of deals are you guys offering?" I asked. You have to ask those type of questions, cause you'll be saving money. Thank me later!

"There's a 2 Medium 2-topping pizzas for $5.99, a Dinner Box with your choice of 1 topping medium pizza your choice of a side with cinnasticks, and then there's our Big Dinner Box, 2 medium pizzas and 1 topping and a choice of two sides." I put her on speaker so Chris can hear too, he mouthed the last option. Of course with his fat ass.

"The last option is sounding great, so for the first Pizza just pepperoni and the second sausage. For the sides, let's do that chicken pasta and buffalo wings." I let her know, Chris smirking. I don't know what for, and I'm not asking.

"Okay, will this be delivery or carryout?"

"Delivery. 14825 Figueroa Court."

"Your total will be $23.50 for the night, will that be on a card or with cash?" I let her know cash, "Great, it should be there within the next 45 minutes."

"Thanks, have a great night." I smiled, soon hanging up and placing my phone onto the arm of the couch.

3 slices of pizza, 4 wings and a scoop of pasta, and I was done for. The itis was kicking in, and I could fall asleep at any given moment, but the movie that was displayed had my interest. The Lion King. My all time favorite, and Chris couldn't say nothing about it.

"I get you love this movie, but com'on let's switch it up." Chris groaned, leaning into the couch, as he lifted up one of his legs, laying it atop of the coffee table.

"Take your foot down." I chuckled, "It's almost over, so chill. You got dibs on the next movie."

"I'm good." He licked his lips, soon standing up and letting out a loud burp, it stank so bad so I covered my nose with my crew neck that I had got before the pizza arrived. "Hmm, Freddie vs Jason, Harold and Kumar, Barbershop 1 and 2. Damn y'all got the good shit." He chortled, looking through the collection against the wall.

"Hey!" I called out, seeing that the screen went to the blue, he really took my movie out.

"You'll be fine, you can watch it anytime you want." Chris put in the dvd he had selected, soon coming back to the couch, and laying down. Barely giving me any space, he ain't slick. "C'mere."

Panties soaked? Check!

His voice was in that husky state. Shaking my head, I stayed put, I'm gonna try and not give in. "I'm good where I'm at."

"Stop being difficult and com'on." A low laugh parted his lips, as he patted his lap. I mentally rolled my eyes, before sitting on him, my legs on the side of his waist, just above his dick. "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" He taunted, placing one of his hands on top of my butt, and giving it a light squeeze, soon rubbing it.

I bit the corner of my lip, shaking my head. "Cut it out." I said lowly, diverting my eyes to the screen. "What movie did you put in?"

He continued to rub my butt, it was relaxing. "Scary movie." He chuckled, sliding his hand down my thigh, leaving it in a relaxed state.

I just nodded, seeing as the first scene came into play. I needed this. Alone time with no parents, or little brother around. I shifted on top of Chris, placing one of my hands onto his chest, as I nestled my head into his neck, gently pecking his skin. This was perfect, and I don't know what I was doing, or why I even bothered to do that, but for some reason it felt right...our parents aren't married, so there's no harm in us doing this, right?

Feeling his hand contact my skin, caused goosebumps to form against my body. He had slid his hand into my leggings, tracing the material of my thong. My breath got caught in my throat as his fingers reached my entrance, I bit down softly on his neck causing his fingers to slip inside my wetness. Moving my hips to the rhythm of his fingers, I felt his member hardened beneath me. He was wearing basketball shorts.

"Damn." He muttered, licking his lips. "Take these off." He referred to my leggings, removing his fingers from my lovebox. I sat up, soon getting off him and slid my leggings off, leaving me in my black thong and tank top. He reached for me, turning me over to where my ass was directly sitting on his hard-on, "You think you can handle this?" He questioned.

No

"Yes." I licked over my lips, as he moved my thong to the side and inserting himself into me. I moved my hips slowly as I rode him from the back, the sounds of my wetness surrounding the living room as he brought his hand to the front of my entrance and fingered me as I put in my work. "Shittttt." I moaned out, placing my hands onto his knees as I did a slow bounce on him.

"Fuck." I heard Chris grunt, swiftly turning us over as he was now on top, my face in the cushion of the couch. "This my pussy?" He questioned, tapping his dick at my entrance.

I smirked. "No." I looked over my shoulder at him.

He chuckled, "Aight, keep playin." He slid his big length into me slowly, pulled out halfway, then slammed into me causing me to shriek and moan at the same time.

#chris brown ff #india love ff #india westbrooks ff #highschool theme ff

[kittensjonsa]

Fucking gatekeeping, Jackassrys shippers. The traitors to the J0n$a fandom. Stay the fuck in your lane.

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

"rape deception" ? "RAPE DECEPTION"? WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT?? I don't want to hop on other's posts nor hijack so I decided to make my own. (Also I don't want it to show up in the tags)

Rape is a very bad thing to accuse someone of, whether in real life or fiction. TV shows and movies are often dragged for portraying rape scenes and now I hear that here in the fandom some are freely accusing a well loved character of the most vile crime, one whose honour is undoubtedly the most important aspect of his being? Just because you arseholes can't accept the undercover-J0n-playing-D@ny meta/tinfoil/speculation that's going around and you feel that it's your fucking entitlement to shit on it? Why? Because you wrote the fucking books? Because you and GRRM are tight buddies and he told you all the plotlines and endgames? Or because you're just fucking sore that Jackassrys is a doomed ship and your precious Dimwit Tallyhoe is a shit ruler and crappy game player? Or you feel you are entitled to say whatever shit that comes out of your heads because you've been in the fandom longer than everyone else? Newsflash dumb dumbs, nobody fucking cares about your hierarchy and gate-keeping in the fandom. And if you don't have anything better to offer or counter offer, spec/tinfoil/meta or otherwise, don't even say anything. Shut yer gap.

You fuckwits better stop using words you do not fucking understand. Do you actually know what 'rape' means? I can't believe I'm doing this but the Salt Goddess in me compels me so -

Textbook definition:

(now) The taking of something by force; seizure, plunder. [from early 14th c.] ▼ (now) The abduction of a woman, especially for sexual purposes. [from 15th c.] ▼ The act of forcing sexual intercourse upon another person without their consent or against their will; originally coitus forced by a man on a woman, but now any sex act forced by any person upon another person. [from 15th c.] ▼ (obsolete) That which is snatched away. ▼ (obsolete) Movement, as in snatching; haste; hurry.

*by force; without consent; against their will; snatched away

Which one of those words did you dumbfucks did not understand? I hate saying this but somehow or rather I feel I should - because you shitheads have fucking triggered me and made me and everyone else in the fam uncomfortable, so I think you should feel the same bitterness - as someone who has had first hand experience with rape, sexual assault, forced against my will to do something I did not want by someone I trusted - you shitposters are all idiots for using that word to describe at best, what could be a possible case scenario that instigated the boresex acted upon by two grown ass characters (on the show at least) who were NOT IN ANYWAY forced, coerced against their will.

Boresex wasn't rape. Dimwit Tallyhoe gave her word to fight alongside J0nny and J0nny, the handsome idiot that he is, willingly pledged his fealty to her. I'm sure the sex was just them trying to solidify that partnership whatever the fuck that was written. It was not stated if there was somehow a scene where they both forced each other to have sex with one another (??) to get something that they want. Which would be kinda stupid since they both already assumed they already have it and this one final thing they're doing are just them trying to further reinforce what they want/have from the other party - or whatever the amazing unercover J0n metas say.

I may have zero belief in the undercover plot and I may be anti J0n right now and anti d@ny but I do not feel the need to shit on those posts and stir up drama. And accuse those metas by calling such vile names. I don't agree with the metas as amazing as they are ONLY BECAUSE D&D AREN'T CLEVER WRITERS AND THEY HAVE VERY LITTLE MATERIAL TO WORK WITH since the books are not done written yet. So my dislike stems from the very bad writing and character assassination and I have zero faith in that GoT will turn out good in the end. But I can only hope that's temporary. Because my dumb ass still love J0n$@ too much to let go.

So back to the point. Rape can be very loosely defined or widely interpreted based on the context but the words 'forced', 'coerced' and 'against one's will' should always be key in trying to put that R label on someone or something.

J0n's not a rapist *hurts my anti J0n ass to even type this sentence* when he laid it thick on D@ny in her cabin that night. He did what just any modern average fuckboy would do. He wanted something from D@ny and he got it because she gave it to him. Plain and simple. And tbh the juxtaposition of scenes showing his actual parents marrying and hearing what Dumb & Dumber, the actual actors themselves are saying about Jackassrys in the BTS commentary should give you a very clear idea where this ship is headed. Yep that's right, you idiots. Down to the depths of hell where it'll burn to ashes. True Targ style.

So stop the shitposting and hurting the tags. And keep your doomed dank ship far away from the J0n$@ tags. We don't need that stank shit up in here. Respect that name bitches.

#the og are starting shit again and playing the victims #this is their wank and yet we have to see it #entitled bitches can't keep their hands to themselves #got negativity #the salt goddess speaks #rant #this rant was necessary #i want dany to die a horrible death #new otp dany x death #if any of you are friends with the og unfollow or block me because they are shite to others and i will constantly call them out

[fanofafan2ff]

48: Big Daddy

Chris

“Baby, stop moving.” I grumbled. A nigga was trying to sleep and kept trying to wiggle out of my hold. “Chris, I have to pee.” She whined trying to pry my hands from around her waist.  I kissed my teeth and released her reluctantly. She hopped out of the bed quickly and scrambled to the bathroom. I chuckled as I watched her push the door closed. 

I looked over at the alarm clock on my night table, 10:30 am. I was surprised Christian hadn’t busted into our room yet. He normally woke up around 9, 9:30 on Saturdays. Our room was his first destination. I hopped up and headed to his room to check on him. 

Sure enough, he was sprawled out in his bed, knocked out. His arm behind his head, just like me. Our trip to Disney yesterday was a success, so it was no surprise to see him like this. My mama, my sister, Tasha, and the crew got to the park around 12 and we didn’t leave until closing. 

Christian rode all the rides he wanted to, ate all the candy he wanted to, and overall had a great time. All of us did. Madi and Lytrell were the only two that stayed behind most of the time. Madison hated roller coasters and there was no way she was about to get on, and my sister- well, that was self explanatory. It was great to be around my family and friends after being away for so long, for real. 

Four weeks. That’s how long they had me sitting in that bland ass, cold ass jail cell. How the fuck do people spend years at a time, locked up in there, without going crazy? I didn’t know, because for the short time I was there, it felt like I was going crazy. There was nothing to do, other than stare at the dirty, beige walls, rattled with graffiti. Motherfuckers were bound to go crazy in here.

Being on probation was no joke. Whenever you fucked up, the consequences were major. So, when Mark popped up at my house that day, telling me about my warrant, no lie, I was shook. I knew for sure I was going to jail. The only thing that popped in my mind was leaving my family. I’d miss Christian growing up, Madi and I would grow apart, and my mama... man. I didn’t even wanna think about it.Thankfully, he had a plan. He advised me to turn myself in, and we’d go from there.

After I turned myself in, hours later, I had my bail hearing. I had to be the world’s unluckiest man, because of course I had to get stuck with the judge that hated my guts. Judge McHale. We’d seen each other before. That nigga hated my guts. So, I wasn’t too surprised that he denied my bail. I expected it. I wasn’t going nowhere.

I sat in my cell for almost 20 hours a day. I only moved to shower, work out, and call my family. My day started at 6:00 am. I brushed my teeth and thirty minutes later was breakfast. After I ate, I was back in my cell until lunch. After lunch I’d go out side for a little bit, then back indoor. Dinner, and then a shower, then it was lights out. That was my routine for these four weeks. Nothing more, nothing less. I read here and there, wrote, that was the only way I was keeping my sanity.

The day they told me I was being released, I couldn’t move fast enough. I had to get the fuck out of there. Darius bitch ass dropped the charges just as this shit was supposed to go to court.

Mark explained to me that although I did beat his ass, this whole thing turned over on him. He waltzed his ass in an event that was hosted by me, knowing I’d be there, and was antagonizing my girlfriend, who has a restraining order out on him. See where I’m going with this? Even if we did go to court and fight this thing out, he either might end up paying fines, with money he doesn’t have, and/or get a misdemeanor charge with jail time for violating the restraining order. Karma was a bitch though, and he was gonna get his.

I looked over at Christian again before heading back to our room. Madi still wasn’t back in the bed, but I climbed in anyway. “Baby.” I called out for her. Instead of responding, she swung the door open and walked out. “What?” “What? That’s how you answer your man?” I smirked. 

She rolled her eyes and slipped back into the bed. “My bad. Yes massa Chrissypha. What can I’s do fa ya suh?” The look I shot her made her laugh. She drew closer to me and threw her arm over my chest and her legs over mine as she continued laughing. I let my hands wash over her lower back and ass. 

“You swear you funny.” I mumbled. “I am funny.” She retorted. “You corny.” “Chris! If anybody’s corny it’s you!” She giggled. I fanned her off and turned on the TV. “Is everybody still sleeping?” She asked. “I think so, I just checked on Christian and he was still knocked.” I replied flipping the channels. 

I settled on a reruns of Martin and put my hands behind my head. “Baby.” Madison called from below me. “Huh?” I answered with my eyes still glued to the television. I knew she was speaking, but for whatever reason, I could only focus on Martin clowning Pam for the millionth time. When I chuckled, she sat up and gave me the stank eye. 

“Christopher, are you listening to me?” She asked. “Yeah, baby I’m listening.” I lied. “What’d I say then?” She crossed her arms over her breasts. “Uh...” I started. “Something about Christian’s school right?” “No! I said, we need to get new furniture for Christian’s room.” 

“For what?” I asked finally paying attention to the conversation. “We just bought all this shit not too long ago.” She had a field day in that furniture store when we bought this house and decorated his room. Shit, she put a dent in our account decorating this big ass house. 

“He needs a new bed. That race car bed is already too small. Plus, I wanna get a few other things for the house. Like, the second guest room could use an armchair and an ottoman.” She said pushing her hair out of her face. “Why I feel like you gonna drag me around to do this shit with you?” “That’s cause I ammmm!” She giggled. 

She got on her hands and knees and leaned over to peck me quickly. “You don’t have a choice either. I want us to make a decision together.” I sighed, “Alright. But, come here.” I gripped the bottom of her tee shirt. “Uh uh, lover boy..” She pulled away from me and rolled over on her side of the bed. 

I kissed my teeth but still managed to pull her back to me while she laughed. “Chris, our whole family is in the house.” She reminded me while I feasted on her neck. “Everybody sleep.” I grumbled. I moved my lips from her neck to her lips, carefully slipping off her shorts.

Before I could get some shit going, there was a knock at the door. I let out a frustrated groan and threw myself back against my pillows. A nigga couldn’t catch a break. Madi only laughed and pulled her shorts back on. She pulled the covers over us and told whoever was at the door to come in. 

My cock-blocking ass sister waltzed in, with a sly look on her face. “I’m not interrupting nothing, am I?” She asked as she crept in the room slowly. “Hell yea-” “No. What’s up Ly?” Madi cut me off. I kissed my teeth and shot her a look that only made her laugh. 

“I was gonna make breakfast, but y’all ran out of eggs. Soooo.... brother can you take me to the store, please?” She smiled. I groaned but got up nonetheless. “Let me brush my teeth.” I shoved the covers away from me before heading towards the bathroom. I peeped when my sister made her way into my spot, making herself comfortable with my wifey. 

I shook my head and shut the door. I took a piss, brushed my teeth and washed my face before reemerging from the bathroom and sauntering into the closet. I picked up some sweats and pulled on a white tee, and the first pair of sneakers I saw. 

“Come on.” I yawned picking up my wallet. “No type of manners. I’m telling mommy so she can get you together.” She rolled her eyes before climbing out the bed. “I’ll be back wifey.” She let Madi know. “Okay bae.” Madison played along. “Y’all annoying.” I muttered. 

“Okay, I need eggs, pancake mix, some sausage- remind me to get the maple syrup ones too, Chris. Um, what else?” She asked as she waddled next to the cart. “Pickles! I knew I was forgetting something.” She jotted it down on her phone as we finally made our way through the entrance. 

“Yo, what is with pregnant women and pickles?” I questioned. “I don’t even know honestly. I real life hated them, but now they so good! Especially with peanut butter.” She basically moaned. I gave her the nastiest side eye. “Peanut butter? That’s nasty as fuck man.” I shook my head in disagreement. “But have you tried it?” “That’s not the point. It’s two different-” “But have you tried it?” She repeated her question. “You got it.” I laughed. I wasn’t even about to argue with her ass today. 

“Madi used to eat them shits with marshmallow fluff.” I laughed as I reached for some eggs. “That sounds so good!” She moaned again. “We gotta get some marshmallow fluff too then.” She made sure to ad that to her list on her phone. I just shook my head at her. 

We made sure to get everything we both needed before heading to check out. I paid for everything and we were on our way back home. “Let me ask you a question, sis.” I spat out randomly. Well, it probably seemed random to her. But, this was something I been meaning to ask her for a minute. “Shoot, little big bro.” She said removing her eyes from her phone. 

“You and Madi cool right? Like you love her right?” “Chris, what kind of question is that?” She laughed. “I love Madi like the sister I wish I had. That’s my baby for life.” “Alright, cool.” I nodded. “I need a favor then.” I said turning the corner. “Anything.” She retorted. “I need you to help me pick out an engagement ring.” 

The screech she let out was so damn ugly, I had to laugh. “What?! Are you serious?! Oh my Godddddd! Baby brotherrrrr!” She sang. “Chill out.” I chuckled. “Oh my God! Oh my God! Finally!” She grinned. She kept clapping and cheesing like she ain’t have no damn sense. “Finally! I knew she was the one! I knew it! I knew I loved my sister for a reason. Now we about to be sisters for real! Won’t he do it?” She continued to clap her hands. 

“Ly, chill.” I continued to laugh. “Sorry, I’m just in shock. I can’t believe it. Are you sure you’re ready?” “I never been so sure about anything in my life.” I was being honest. Madison had my heart from the moment we met. And it may be corny to say but, I knew I’d marry her from the day we met. She was literally my better half. She completed me in every way possible. She gave me the world with her love and all that was left was to give her my last name. 

“So why didn’t you ask one of her bestfriends? Trust me, I’m coming with you but, don’t you think they know her better than I do?” “I trust you big head. Not saying I don’t trust them. But, I just want this to be a surprise to everybody. Plus they all got they own thing going on right now.” I admitted. If I have to ask one of them, if push comes to shove, it would be Kaya since she was the closest to Madison. 

“Okay, so when are you trying to propose? How are you gonna propose?” I sighed, “I don’t know.” I was thinking sometime soon while our parents were all together so they could all witness it. But with everybody leaving in a week, I feel like I would have to rush everything. I wanted everything to be perfect, so rushing things was out of the question. “Don’t worry, we’ll figure everything out.” My sister assured me. 

“Daddy, I have bacon?” Christian asked from my lap. We all were all in the back yard having breakfast. And glue couldn’t have my lil man sticking any closer to me. When I got back from the store and Ly started breakfast, I jogged upstairs and could hear the TV on in his floor. When I walked in he looked up and his eyes lit up. He been on me ever since. 

“Yeah buddy. Here you go.” I said breaking my last strip in half and handing it to him. He sat back against my chest and enjoyed his food, while I smiled. I couldn’t help it. The kid was cute. I looked around at everybody sitting at the table, chatting it up and laughing. I really was glad to be home. 

I looked over at Madi, my wife to be, and grinned. She was laughing at something my sister said, and the sun was hitting her just right. She had this glow about her. I made my mind up about this marriage shit, I was ready. I wanted to be with this girl for the rest of my life. 

After breakfast, everybody decided to chill in the living room. Laughing and chatting it up, Christian needed a bath, since he decided most of his clothes should have breakfast this morning too. “Look at my pumpkin!” Madi gushed as I towed a towel clad Christian into his room. “Daddy got you all nice and clean.” She tickled him. 

“Tell her cute is for puppies little man. You fine just like your daddy. Tell mommy you fine.” “I fine.” Christian grinned making the both of us laugh. “Your mom is taking the dogs to the dog park, she wants Christian to come.” “Aight.” I nodded and pulled up his pull ups. He was still getting the hang of the potty training thing. 

I zoned out for a minute getting Christian dressed and when I looked up, Madi was just staring at the both of us and grinning. “What?” I chuckled pulling out Christian’s tiny pair of Vans. My little man was fresh. “Y’all are just so cute. You’re the best daddy ever.” She smiled. “Mommy right little man? I’m the best daddy ever?” Christian nodded while I tied his shoes. 

“And who’s the best mommy ever?” I asked him. “Mommy!” He grinned. Little dude was smart. “Thank you, pumpkin.” She took a seat on the floor next to me. “You love being a daddy?” She asked me. “Hell yeah,” I chuckled. “What kind of question is that?” “I’m just asking.” She shrugged. 

She started fidgeting and I knew she was nervous. “What’s going on baby mama?” I let Christian go and he immediately went for his blocks in the corner. She looked up from the floor and she looked like she was ready to cry. “Babe, what happened?” She was starting to scare a nigga. 

“I wanted to tell you when you were... away. But, I was so scared, an-and I didn’t want anything to happen and then you would have to deal with-” She sniffled. “Babe, what’s going on?” I asked again. She took a deep breath and looked me in my eyes. “I’m pregnant.” 

“What?” “9 weeks.” “What?” “I’m pregnant.” She repeated. I don’t know why, but it took a second to hit me. Pregnant. “You serious?” She nodded. “9 weeks?” She nodded again. “And.. everything alright? Like not like last time right?” I asked. “So far, everything is good. I’ve been to the OBYGN every week since I found out just to be safe.” I pulled her into a hug. 

“Thank you God.” I muttered. “I know you scared baby, but I got you. Don’t worry about anything. Our baby is gonna be alright.” 

#I know yall sick of me trying yall #This is almost over #Thank god

[queennicoleinboots]

Day 18 of Xara and Peter's Curse: The Shitty Pool Party, part 1

(Scroll down to figure out what happened to Days 14-17)

Jasper found a small brick house with a pool in Athens, GA. He and Murphee moved there. Gabby walked all the way from Winder, GA to find the house, so when Jasper and Murphee arrived, he was there on the front steps waiting. Gabby was a magical cat that always knew how to find Jasper.

I helped Jasper, Murphee, and Gabby get settled in their new humble yet cozy abode. It didn't take long to get the new furniture or the new desktop computer in the house.

Murphee had a fenced-in background where he could roam around and play. He also could access the pool if he were to press an access code into the pool gate with his paw.

Gabby always had access to the pool, but he chose not to swim. He walked around the pool deck like a boss, though.

"Wow. I definitely did good with this house," Jasper said.

"I'd say. It's very neat and minimalistic," I said.

"I told you I wasn't going to pay those excess bills I was before," Jasper said with a laugh. "Not to mention this pool actually is clean and makes sense. It's not radioactive like the last one was."

"I know. Your pool looks tantalizing to swim in," I said. "We should have a pool party!"

"What a fine idea!" Jasper exclaimed. "When should we have it?"

"Friday!" I exclaimed.

"There you go. That way, every one of our asshole friends will be off work!" Jasper said excitedly with a laugh.

Murphee howled in agreement.

"I'm going to invite my asshole friends now!" I said.

"And I'll invite mine!" he said.

So we spent the next few hours calling our friends. I called Joebear, Peter, Mr. Williamson, Dereck (my friend from Canada), and even some old friends in Savannah, GA. (I was raised there.)

-------------------------------------------------

(Days 14-17 were full of random bullshit and getting ready for the party. Dereck came early to help Xara and Jasper prepare. Dereck discovered how fucking stupid Georgia, United States was)

_________________________________________

Friday, 10 a.m. when Xara and Jasper were barely alive and slaphappy

"I'm so happy my pool deck isn't dry rotted!!!" Jasper said excitedly.

"Me, too," I said. "I love the marble tiled deck." I heard buzzing in the background.

"Did the exterminators come by?" I asked.

Jasper answered, "It's Georgia. No one ever does their job on time. They were supposed to come yesterday, but I expect them to come Monday."

LaBelle, my 40-year-old black friend from Savannah, GA, enters the pool area. "Good morning!"

Jasper "greeted" her. "Morning. If I were at my job this early, I'd tell you 'Fuck you. Don't talk to me before noon. I can't deal with this shit.'"

LaBelle and Xara cracked up laughing.

"I'm serious. The only reason I opened up early because I have a million people showing up to this party," Jasper said.

"A million? Dude, are you a Playboy or something?" LaBelle asked him as she was putting her hair up.

Jasper answered, "In my own mind. I do have a ton of young girls coming over. Hehe. Speaking of young girls, where's the masseuse? She was supposed to be here at... 9:45 or something." He scratched his head.

Dereck, Xara's normal and relatively quiet Canadian friend, smiled as he was viewing everyone's activities. He watched LaBelle go into the pool.

LaBelle screamed in pleasure. "Wow! That's refreshing!

Dereck walks over to where she was and tries to talk, but words wouldn't come out. He was a shy guy when it came to women. He wasn't sure what language to use.

I sighed and looked around. "Where is my bear?" I asked.

Murphee walked on the pool deck next to my feet.

Dereck was getting ready to swim. He did a couple of stretches before he dove in the water with LaBelle.

My phone was ringing. It was Mr. Williamson. I answered the phone. "Hello?"

Mr. Williamson spoke, "Hi Zara." He couldn't pronounce X-ara. "We can't make it. I have an emergency sermon I need to do for the needy in Logantown."

I responded, "Well, that happens. See you bright and early Monday."

Mr. Williamson said, "Thank you. See you Monday. Bye bye."

I said, "Bye bye." I hung up and then pinched nose to talk, "Bright and early."

People started coming into the pool area. A few of Jasper's ladies were getting massages and giving him massages.

Lizzie and her three children: Miguel, Skyler, and Nathaniel were entering the pool area. Her best friend and my former friend, Nadella and her husband and two children: Adrian and Samus followed her into the area.

A blonde girl addressed Jasper while she was massaging his shoulders. Her head was very close to his right ear. "Hey Jaspie. Want a happy ending?" she asked.

Jasper answered with a grin as he looked at the lady sweetly. "Haha. Maybe later. I don't want to end yet. This is going to be a LONG pool party."

Joebear shows up with fish, berries, and many cans of Surge. He also brings supplies for grilling.

I screamed in happiness upon seeing my bear coming in with food. "BAEWHUHH!!!!!!" I ran to Joebear and hugged him.

Joebear laughed and hugged me. "Little Bae. I gotta make fish. Where's the grill?"

"It's in the far right corner of the pool area, Boo," I answered as I led him to the grill. "Jasper has plenty of charcoal."

Joebear went to grill and put fish fillets on it: "Yes, my love," he said as he did a bear dance while he cooked.

I told my bear, "Thank you, Boo!" as I scratched his fur. "How you been? I missed you."

Most of Jasper's ladies chanted while Joebear wiggled his ass, "Look at him go! Look at him go! Look at him Look at him Look at him goooooo! Look at that bear with a big bear butt!!! A beautiful bear with a beautiful butt!"

I was beating his ass to the rhythm of the song.

Joebear laughed and wiggled his butt. "I have been good. Donuts sound yummy right about now!"

"Fuck! I forgot the donuts!" Jasper yelled.

Skyler, Lizzie's daughter, cracked up. Lizzie chuckled while Nadella shook her head in disgust. Nadella was one of those strict wholesome pagan-Christian moms who went to every Parent-Teacher Association meeting and had something to say.

I yelled, "So did I. I'm on a diet!!!!"

Jasper asked, "Who hasn't shown up yet?"

"Peter Parker and his family," I answered.

"Peter Parker? Spiderman! You invited Spiderman?" Miguel, the oldest of Lizzie's children, asked.

"No. Peter W. Parker, formerly-known as Super Coping Man before he had a mental breakdown a year and a half ago," I answered.

Lizzie laughed. "Oh yeah, the comic NOT meant for children. God it was funny," she said.

"I'll second that!" Jerome, Nadella's black husband, commented.

Nadella rolled her eyes and continued reading Best Parent magazine while sunbathing.

"Son of a fuck! Text him and tell that bastard to bring donuts!" Jasper yelled. "P.S. I was Headquarters/FartMan. Xara invited him because he's an ape."

Nadella's mouth opened as she threw her hands in the air. "My children are going to hell if this guy keeps up," she said in a strong Southern accent.

Joebear laughed and spoke, "Oh God he's showing up. He's a fucking mess."

Jasper commented, "He's an actual ape."

Joebear blinked a few times before commenting, "I thought he'd be a giraffe if anything!"

I chimed in, "Nope. He turned into a fucking ape."

Joebear raised his eyebrow. "Wow! How did that happen?"

"Long story," I answered.

Joebear spoke again, "Tell me later. I gotta flip this fish." He flipped the fish.

I text messaged Peter, "Hey asshole. Can you guys bring seven dozens of random donuts? We're fucking stupid and forgot them."

I then turned my attention to my bear. "It involves black magic."

Joebear slapped his forehead with his left paw while he was cooking, "Oh God I thought I told you not to turn otherwise decent people into animals!"

I answered with an exasperated sigh, "It happened the same day Artemis Stank was born! I couldn't help it. My shits are magical."

Joebear spoke loudly, "Oh God. Why did you do that to him? He was fucked-up enough as a human."

Nadella was hitting herself with a parenting magazine. "Fuck it," she muttered.

I yelled to Joebear, "It just kinda happened. I'm sorry BAE WHUHhhhh!!!!!"

Joebear added, "Whuhhhhhhhh."

Lizzie walked over to the grill and smiled. "Hey Joebear. Are you making fish?"

Lizzie's daughter, Skyler was standing behind her staring at Joebear with a grin and waving to him.

Joebear addressed the girls. "Hey Lizzie. Hey Skyler. How are you?"

Lizzie responded, "I'm good."

Skyler responded, "Good."

Joebear made Homer Simpson noises.

Peter returned my text. "Sure. Let me find my magical wallet that can afford that. @_@ I didn't get much cash for my house insurance policy."

Godiva, Peter's mother, texted, "No worries. We can get donuts. Peter is in an asshole mood because our TV went on the fritz in some freak accident."

Godiva sent a second text. "He told me to text you this, 'Anything else?' He used ape language to ask in real life, lol."

Yep. Peter is the biggest ape asshole on the planet...