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scarletwidowaf · 3 years

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broadway, baby. (part 1)

Florence pugh x female Reader

Summery: reader is a singing waitress in a new York restaurant (like in glee) where many famous people go to, and one night the little women cast are are there and R is their waitress.

Warnings: there's some cursing and harassment. Its not revolve around it but its there.

A\N: im soft for florence pugh and this is a complete shit.

masterlist

Credits: Glee Gif Credit • Florence Gifs Credit

“I'm just a Broadway Baby, walking off my tired feet, Pounding Forty Second Street to be in a show. Broadway Baby, learning how to sing and dance, waiting for that one big chance to be in a show.” - Cast of follies

Life can be hard and some days can be rough, especially in your line of work where people competed for the spotlight on a daily basis. but that's life and that’s the road you chose to walk through. And it's alright, after all, what's life without a spark? A movie without a breaking point? or a shift at Clayton's without drama?

This was one of these days, the kind of days who kept you on an edge as your body and mind both ached for a break.

'Just roll with it. just a few hours for your day off.' You silently said to yourself.

Being a young artist in New York was a challenge you’ve taken on yourself, luckily for you working at "Clayton's" was a good way to start a career. most people who started working there were young talented artist who were determined to make an impression over the industry. The place was always packed with many famous people, from actors to singers and producers. So, in many ways, working in "Clayton's" could be a ticket to Broadway or the music industry. And that was the reason you moved there in the first place.

You tried the traditional way, but after months of trying to get into college and fix your past mistakes, like your high school career, you decided that this path wasn’t for you. no matter what you did or how hard you tried your ADHD still managed to kick your ass. So, that’s how you ended up as a singing waitress in NY. You liked your job, truly. You liked singing and dancing and meeting cool people along the way, but sometimes it was just too much.

"You look like shit" Aaron said from his spot at the bar.

Aaron was a sweet guy and probably the only straight person in your group of friends. He was charming and talented and most importantly; he was the first friend you got in NY.

Aaron pulled his long brown hair into a bun as he chuckled at you. You huffed in frustration in return.

"Thanks" you muttered as he passes you a mug with coffee, hoping to help you get a grip before the restaurant opens.

"You need to rest" he said. "properly"

"that’s overrated" you joked and took a sip.

You felt an hand on your shoulder and you turned around to meet your friend's stern gaze. "You, okay?" she asked

"Always" you answered Mackenzie's question and she raised her eyebrow, knowing full well you were lying.

"we should sing as a warm up!" David, another one of your coworkers and Aaron's twin brother said.

"Let's not" Aaron said as he rolled his eyes at his brother's enthusiasm.

You laughed quietly as the two started bickering. Mack and you glanced at each other knowingly. Both of you already know who will win in the stupid argument.

15 minutes later, after a group warm up and Aaron's dramatic sighs 'Clayton's' was open for business.

It was a nice evening, not too full, not too loud. And most importantly, not too many known faces.

Of course, you liked to have famous people on your shifts, and it could obviously be a game changer for you but it can get intense at times and you want in the mood. Seriously, how can you be the only one who found singing "defying gravity' in font of Idina Menzel as a very stressful experience?? You were terrified by the idea you'll fuck up in front of the original singer- and make a total fool out of yourself.

When 10 pm rolled around, every opinion you had about the evening flew out the window. at this point, the restaurant was full with costumers and some known faces as well, and you found yourself holding every inch of you together as you approach the table who was occupied by the one and only Meryl Streep, and some fellow little women cast members.

*rule number 1 of working at Clayton's: don't make costumers feel uncomfortable. Don't annoy the costumers, don't ask for autographs if they're famous and generally treat them as normal and respectfully as you can. *

"Hello, my name is Y/N and ill be your waitress for tonight" you introduced yourself with a small smile. The women smiled at you brightly.

"How does it work" Meryl held the tablet with a puzzled expression. "Am I that old?" She joked

"Barley" One of the other women, Emma fucking Watson, said.

"I know it looks complicated-" you told them as you took the tablet from Meryl's hand."-But it's pretty simple, actually, I promise. As you can see the top part of the tablet is divided into two sections: The right one who says 'ask for a waiter'- which means that your waiter- which in this case, me, is busy- probably performing at the moment, and you can ask for a different waiter." You said with an ease, knowing the explanation by heart.

"The left section says 'ask for my waiter' which is a pretty simple one to understand... I guess- if you'll need me for whatever reason, you can press it and it'll page me. Feel free to use it." You said with a smile as you scanned their faces, making sure they understand the first part.

"And the bottom section?" Saoirse asked.

"The bottom section is the 'refill' sections. It will get into validation only after ill place your order in my own tablet and send to the kitchen." You explained as you gestured to your own tablet. "It's pretty useful, the point of it is that you can ask for a refill without having to social with me. Its awesome"

You noticed one of them, Florence pugh, scanning the tablet with a small smile- as she listened to your explanation. She was absolutely a sight for sore eyes, that's for sure.

"Thats pretty cool" she said and you nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I got really excited over it when I started working here" you admitted awkwardly "most importantly- When a section isn't relevant its will be grey instead of in color so you won't get confused. Like, for example - if You haven't ordered anything yet you can't get a refill, for the obvious reason. or if I'm not performing you can't ask for another waiter... which means you're stuck with me for the time being" you finished with a small chuckle.

"I don't think any of us mind that" Florence smiled and the others agreed. The blonde smiled at you again and you blushed slightly. "You're singing, right?" she asked out of the blue, just when you were about to leave and let them look through their menus.

"Yeah, i do. In a few minutes, actually"

"Thats cool! Good luck" she smiled and you wondered if Emma, who set the closest to you, could hear how fast your heart's beating.

"Thank you" you said with a smile and turned around to the stage.

__________________

"you paged? I'm guessing you guys ready to order then" You said as you approached their table after your performance.

"YOU WERE SO GODD!" Florence said excitedly.

"Thank you" you blushed slightly.

What. The. Fuck. Y/N?! You scolded yourself.

The others joined into the conversation with their own compliments and you thought you'd die when Meryl Streep, the legend herself, complimented you.

After another few moments the conversation calmed downed and moved to the next, and most important topic: the food. You tried your best to not blush under Florence's soft gaze and keep your focus on the other members of her table as they consulted you about the dishes, but damn, that was hard. luckily for you it didn’t take long and a few minutes later, their order was sent to the kitchen.

The next hour and a half weren't much different. you sang and placed orders, you smiled to costumers and even pretend to laugh at some old man's joke. And maybe (just maybe) you glanced over to Florence every now and then.

The thing about Clayton's is that apart for the famous people who visit there frequently, it also contains many of the rich and the snobs of New York, so you weren't surprised when you got paged from a table who was occupied by two guys with fancy clothes and their parents credit card.

"Hey" one of them said to you as you approached them.

"hey, welcome to Clayton's! You're David's table, right?" You said and pointed at your friend who started his own performance.

"Yeah, the fag one" the other guy said and your smile fell.

Take a deep breath, Y/N. It's not worth it.

"I see you guys already ordered a few minutes ago" you said as you checked your tablet.

"Yeah" the asshole confirmed.

"Okay, in that case, how can I help you?" You asked politely as you could.

"we would like to get the check." The first guy said politely as he pulled out a few bills from his wallet. "Keep the change" he said as you took it and made sure it was enough.

"Thank you" you smiled politely and made a mental note to give David his well-earned tip.

"my brother want to know if you're single" the asshole said and the nicer guy looked at his with his eyes wide.

Shit.

"I'm sorry, I'm in a relationship" you lied after a moment, hoping the lie will spare both his feeling and any more questions in the subject.

The guy nodded in understanding but on the other hand, the other guy didn’t seem to get the massage.

"I'm sure he won't mind sharing" the asshole said and you felt sorry for the poor guy for being related to this ass.

"What the fuck Chad" the nice guy said as chad smirked at you.

"yeah... that’s not going to happen." You glared at him "have a great weekend tho" you gritted out and turned around to leave.

you were taken by surprise when you felt chad's hand on your ass. Again, what the fuck?!

"What the fuck is wrong with you' asshole" you gritted out and moved away from him.

Don't make a scene. He's not worth it.

"C'mon-" he started to say as he got up. You moved away, knowing you were cornered since the place was full, the lights were deemed and the music was loud.

"Don't touch me" you said and moved away; you're back hitting an empty table who stood nearly.

"Hey what's going on here?" You heard and turned to catch Florence walking to you.

If a look could kill chad would’ve been dead. that’s for sure. It's like the sweet and excited Florence had left and a different, intimidating (and hot) version of her took her space and so help you god, you were glad she was on your side.

"Nothing! we were just leaving, really" Frankie said.

"None of your business" brad said and Florence raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow, daring him to cross her.

"I see" she said "well, I'm sure y/n won't mind my intruding"

'Thank god for Florence Pugh.' You thought.

Before chad could press the subject any further David, who just finished his performance, got there. You were sure he noticed that something was happening.

"what's going on here?" he asked after he scanned the situation quickly.

"nothing as I said to your friend, we were just leaving" Frankie said again.

he didn’t want to draw any negative attention, just like you, and thankfully for the both of you, not many people noticed the situation.

This time chad didn't answer, he just glared at Florence and you while his brother pulled him away from the place.

"so, are you going to tell me what happened?" David asked Florence and you after the two left.

Florence looked at you, waiting for you to answer him.

"Nothing" you lied. "it's okay David, you can go" you promised your friend. David looked at you with his 'I done believe you' expression, but he didn't press it any further. He just nodded before he turned around and left.

Rule number 2: do not make a scene under no circumstances. At Clayton's, everything you do while you're on the clock is practically showcased. You slip? you fall? you sing out of tune? Its under a spotlight, everyone can see that and everyone will have something to say about it. Thats the thing about this place. most people who started there and moved on to bigger things as Broadway or Hollywood were practically trained to keep their best poker face, act on the demand or pretend that everything is okay when it was clearly not.

"You should go back to your table" you said to Florence

she looked at you with an unreadable expression before she went back to her table. You didn't have much time to read into it since a few minutes later you found yourself at her table, printing their check and having a small friendly conversation with the women. You smiled at them as they left before you turned your tablet off and went to cover for Aaron at the bar.

"I thought you guys left" You said with a smile when the blonde approached you a few minutes later.

"Why did you lie?" Florence asked with the same unreadable expression from earlier.

Okay. No smiling then.

"I didn’t" you pulled out two shot glasses and filled them with tequila. The blonde gave you a 'are you kidding me' kind of look and you couldn't help but to chuckle. "I didn't see a reason to make a scene over nothing" you explained and downed one of the shots.

"It wasn't nothing Y/N" she said before taking the other glass.

"its fine. I'm fine. He didn’t do anything " you said as she downed her shot.

"Yeah, because I was there" she argued.

"I can handle guys like him. Seriously, at this point it might as well be a part of my job"

"you're not helping yourself"

"I liked you better smiling" you chuckled as she glared at you.

"I'm sure you did"

"shut up"

"How's your back?" She asked/

The blonde definitely didn't seem convinced about the chad situation but you were just grateful for the change of subject.

"It will be alright"

"Good"

"I appreciate your worry, truly. But I'm fine and I really don't want to hold you back here over it" you said

"Who said I was worried" she smirked at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh, you don't?" You played along

"Nope"

"Then why are you still here? Its almost 12 am, don't you have something better to do" you teased her

"no. Do you?" She turned the question and you laughed.

"I guess not - considering the fact I work here and I'm still on clock"

"Oh, please we both know this place is about to close" she argued your logic

"True" you admitted

"So, if you have nothing better to do, and you don't, would you like to go out with me? You kinda owe me after I saved your ass earlier"

"Uh, and here I thought you did that as an act of kindness" you joked. A small smile playing on your lips.

"Ew no" she said and You laughed. "Well?" Florence pressed with a cheeky smile.

"Yeah, why not. It's not like I have something better to do"

"Just what I wanted to hear" she joked.

#florence pugh #florence pugh x reader #florence pigh x female reader #florence pugh x fem!reader

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i-see-you-now-you-see-me · 3 years

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Awaken the World (oneshot)

Pairing: Wayv Ten (Nct Ten) x Reader

Word count: 11k im sorry

Warnings: smutty smut, pure filth, Ten is an alien with two dicks... that’s it, that’s the warning, mention of suicide, (keep in mind, this is a fiction and has nothing to do with real people in real life, also, use protection!!!)

*new Years party*

-You deserve a break from time to time, Y/N, - Trish said while talking to you, - besides, you rarely go out, it feels like you are stuck in that apartment of yours.

-I know, I know, you and Shin always tell me that, give me an hour and I will be ready, ok?

-Yes, we will get a taxi and let’s go!!!

Your friend hung up and you went straight for the bathroom to get ready. It was unusual for you to go out, but you did like it from time to time. What you didn’t like in fact was the “gropers” as you called them. People who randomly grab other people, it did not matter how drunk were they, it’s just one of the things that you disliked, and your body proportions did not help either. Being tall and curvy (can be any other description, remember Y/N has a variety), always gave you peoples glares and staring, which did not pay any compliment at all, it made you more insecure.

What if people stare cause I’m ugly?

That was always there in your head, but your friends reminded you it is not like that, they stare because you are gorgeous.

*La Wanderlust club* two hours prior.

-Jack, I don’t think we can do that, - Michel spoke softly, he was new to the business and this was the first time he was about to do something bad.

-They will pay us near hundred grand for every girl, I ain’t gonna lose that money, if you do not participate you might as well leave.

Michel bit his lip, he knew this was bad, and if ever anyone finds out, they will all go to prison, but money like that did not grow on trees, and despite the fact, that their club was doing great, extra money for themselves for a “tiny” thing like that, would not be so bad.

-Fine, - he finally spoke, - I will do it.

Couple of hours later the club was getting busier, girls, loners and couples kissing in the booths that they provided. Everyone having a drink in their hands, enjoying themselves. Michel checked the pills under the bar, in total just 10 pills. Ten girls.

Tonight he will spike drinks for ten girls, and later send them away, no questions asked, spike the drinks and get the girls in the back on the club until the buyer collects them.

Shin was the first to drag you to the bar.

-Cosmos for the girls!!! – she nearly shouted while Michel prepared your drinks. He was watching you all carefully, thinking about who’s drink to spike. It was a hard decision, he was not yet able to make, so all the pills stayed where they were.

A couple hours later Trish was dancing with a random stranger while you were sipping coke by yourself at the corner, your eyes looking Shin who said will be back after she went for a fag. You felt a light tap on your shoulder.

-Hey, sexy, want a drink? – a stranger asked you, he could barely stand on his feet. Michel was fast to approach you and take you to bar.

-Annoying, huh? – he asked, and you nodded. – Anything to drink at all?

-Yeah, uhm, gin with tonic, please, - you said and gave the bartender bank card, while you turned around to spot your friends, he smoothly put one of the pills I your drink. In fact, that was the last pill. His brothers had already taken the other girls to the back, stripping them from their ID’s and purses, putting them in separate boxes.

Their buyer said they will sort It out themselves, so the guys do not have to worry about anything.

The dizziness hit you like a brick and two minutes later you were dragged away, your friends both busy with their newfound partners (always make sure your friends are not like this, yeah? They should care about your well being as well as their own), not noticing how you go missing, in front of their eyes. You were half asleep, half awake, you felt how you got thrown on the ground, and your beating heart knew nothing good will come out of this, but your body was shutting down faster than you could react.

You were out cold when the buyer got here, paying the bar owners huge money, taking your belongings as well as all ten bodies, putting them in a trunk, driving to a different place. They gave all girls sedative to keep you out for the hours needed. You were being prepared for an exceptionally long drive, far, far away from home.

Noticing lights further down the road, the buyers didn’t waste no more time and drove to where your destiny would start.

Up on the entrance pass code was required, which was sent to one of the buyer’s phones, the gate opened and what looked like some sort of “space station” was waiting for them. A big looking fella greeted them when they got out of the van.

-I assume you did well, - one of them spoke, as he was approaching with a bag full of cash.

-Yes, just like you wanted, there is ten of them, you can check if they are your liking, - buyers face smirked. Truth to be told, the “big man” did not care at all, the girls would probably look a lot different after quite a while, but it was none of his concerns. He had a hand in this business for a very long time and no one had ever suspected a thing.

Traveling from country to country, every five years some girls go missing? Who cares! People go missing every day. Business is running like normal.

Buyers unloaded the package and left with the cash, while “big man” made sure they were far away from sight before the center of the building ground opened, a platform moving higher until a spaceship was spotted. Opening the doors, he entered, taking the girls in one by one, taking of their shoes, putting on something that looked like a onesie of someone who works in a chop shop, smearing their make up with wet wipes so they looked ruined, make up running down like that.

Not that his clients needed their faces to look good anyways.

Walking through the ship towards the controls he noticed that an error had come up.

“ERROR 401, assistance needed, fuel tank”, to what he checked and decided it still would be enough for the journey, and if his clients will require some more of the product transported, they will provide him fuel generously.

-Safe journey, - he whispered before setting the coordinates and walking out, securing all bodies, making sure the spaceship is set for its destination. Walking back and starting the system up he fare welled with a bow and watched how the spaceship disappeared into the sky with a speed of lighting. This would be the last time you would be seen at all, and he had no regrets. A smile formed on his lips and a yawn; it had been a long day preparing. Time to rest.

*10043567901;1102033149001. PLANET DYVLONY*

Detective Ten pulled his spent cock out of his partners mouth, smirking.

-What a good girl you’ve been, - he said, while wiping her smeared lips with his thumb, his sperm glistening on her chin, - but I have one more in need of a touch.

His partners eyes widened noticing that instead of a one graceful phallus, he indeed (as the rumors had said) had been gifted with a second one, which even with one glance was visibly thicker and more veiny than the other.

She licked her lips in anticipation.

-Get on all fours for me, lovely, will you, - she did as Ten told her to, and soon her entrance was filled to the brim with just one thrust. Ten was still wearing all his clothing while his partner was borne down to nothing. She mewled at Ten’s sharp pelvic movements and thanked him for each slap she received. His hands moved to grope her breasts and pinch her nipples, while his thrusts never stopped. Her core was clenching, she was close, but Ten would not have this. He pulled out, grabbing a hold of the ceiling chain and tying her hands, pulling her up in standing position, before she even could comprehend a sentence to somewhat – bastard, how dare you!

His interrogation room, which normally was used to invest in pains of criminals, was now used for the pleasure of sex, and Ten spanked his partners bottom, he swatted away her bare cheeks till they were red in color, and the sounds his partner was making, didn’t make no sense. Ten lifted her leg up, and found her opening with his fingers, two of them making their way inside her body, thrusting as fast as he could manage, finishing her off within a minute, but before riding her orgasm, pushing his cock in her again, till tears were streaming down her face.

-I cccaaa…nntttt… - she was trying to say, but Ten would not stop, she was climaxing again, her core muscles milking Ten for all he’s worth, his hands letting her leg down, and his front pressing against her back.

His cum was leaking down her thighs, together with her essence, both of them breathing heavily. He whispered.

-So, is it true what they say about me? – he smirked against her shoulder. While trying to come up with a proper sentence, his partner turned to face him, she stood 6`1 tall, - taller than him by all means and, bit her lip.

-Ah, you know what, - she whispered, - you are not too bad.

Ten laughed.

-You could not even say anything five minutes ago, so I take that as a lie, - he said, setting her down on the ground, letting the chains rest on the floor, before securing them up again, Ten zipped up his pants.

-There is a shower, you can clean up.

-Well, - his partner spoke up, - you do suck at aftercare.

With that she stood up and left to where Ten had pointed to. Ten was all she wanted in a man, he was fearless, strong, good at what he does, and yes, oh yes, great at sex, but she knew this would be the first and last time they would sleep together, which does not even count as sleeping together, it was just raw fucking, her abused cunt convulsing around nothing imagining how great it was.

Dressing up, she was greeted by Ten, who as a gentleman he was, had opened the car door, where he would put a seatbelt on her, give her a bottle of juice, driving her to the town. His phone went off.

-ALERT! ALERT! ALERT!

Ten put the phone on speaker.

-Detective Ten, this is Xiao Dejun from the High court, there has been a crash at the GYPE beach, and it has been secured by SWAT teams who have cleared the area, we are waiting for you and your colleagues to arrive, it is an emergency. Sir, are you alone?

-I will be in a couple of minutes, - Ten stopped the car and gave the woman a sympathetic look, before she stepped out of the vehicle and slammed the door, well, at least it was not his face, she slammed. – I am now.

-It is…, - Xiao Dejun stopped before continuing, - it is a spaceship, we are on a high alert now, I am surprised no one had called you.

-I was occupied elsewhere, no one dared to trouble me, but I will be with you ASAP.

-See you soon then.

Couple of minutes later Detective Ten parked his car and was trying to get through the public crowds and reporters, who were trying to catch a glimpse of what is happening. Ten showed his V card as soon as he was approaching the secured area. It was crowded with SWAT teams of all sorts. White, none see through plastic covering all around the area, police teams in full gears and weapons. Ten stepped inside.

It was dusty, the ships landing must have created a sandstorm of some sort, the spaceship itself was covered in dust, the electronics on the other side being ripped apart from the intact with ground, the wires spiking an electric volt from time to time.

-What are we seeing here? – Ten asked, when he was approached by High Court man, Dejun in front.

-We were waiting for you, you have worked with anomalies like this, so we are in need of your assistance with this.

As they talked, they had approached the entrance of the aircraft, as they had assumed. As a detective, Ten had come across various forms of UFO’s that had probably drifted away from their main coordinates, but they had always kept things from public eye, since it was nothing harmful, just something that had proved they are not the only ones in universe.

The fire rescue team were waiting for a signal to cut the door out, the SWAT teams ready to shoot at any point, officers from the station were Ten works, standing next in line after SWAT team. Ten put on a west and secured his weapon. Putting his hand up, two fingers signaling for action, fireman cutting down the metal door, taking it out, putting ladder board to the entrance, he was ready to enter first.

Slowly moving towards the entrance, careful as they could, detective Ten with two swat members went in. Sweeping the aircraft bit by bit (since it was quite small), shouting -CLEAR, after checking every corner they spotted, moving forward until they reached a clearance, where they stopped, eyes widening.

-What the… - Ten spoke, in front of their eyes was bodies of girls/women, dressed in weird clothing, but it didn’t seem like they would be able to operate this aircraft. Ten spotted a movement, approaching straight away, putting his gun down and checking the pulse of the girl. Both SWAT members ready to shoot if she would attack the guy.

-We need ambulance, - he shouted, realizing that they are alive, but not in the “mood to fight” and heard the response teams through microphones, soon the medics were there, untying girl bodies, ushering them in ambulances, sending them away to a secret facility that lies below the High court for special occasions such as this. Teams provided with extreme medical equipment, wearing full gear, in case this was some sort of diversion, or something far more dangerous or poisonous for that matter, were ready to start working as soon as the bodies would arrive.

Once the ship was cleared, detective Ten with some of his teammates, were doing the “detective work”.

-Does not look like they were supposed to crash here, - one of them said, - coordinates are not ours.

-There is a glitch in the system, - Ten said, - but to check what is that this ship is in need of fixing.

-Like hell it is, - other one said, - this is nothing like ours, Ten, it is probably near to impossible changing any parts, this is not as advanced as ours, if we could find a clue to where it comes from, that would be a record.

-I know, but you also know how good I am at my job.

-Detective Ten? – he turned around to see High court man coming in his direction.

-How may I help?

-We will move this aircraft to a different facility, location we will let you know once it will be secured, we need to make this as clean as we can, is that right?

Ten and his teammates nodded.

-Of course, sir, - Ten bowed, and cleared the ship.

-We should be heading back, detective, - his mates said before leaving, Ten’s phone rang at the same time.

-Detective Ten speaking.

-You should come to High court, there will be a member of staff to greet you and take you to us, they are coming to their senses.

Ten nodded and hang up. Soon enough he was going down the elevator with a member of staff, going lower than Ten had imagined of how deep the facility was build. And how?

-Detective, - Xiao Dejun greeted him, taking him though corridors, - so far, we have discovered all of the bodies are female, we are checking their health balance as we speak, they are definitely from another place, even Planet… so we have given them an injection of microchip, and also a vaccine, looks like they have taken them well. Also, since we do not know why they are here, do not think of this being uncivil, when they have not given us any answers either.

Ten ached a brow.

-You’ll see, - Dejun opened the door. On a high platform was ten chairs, all girls seated on them, tied up, all looking scared as ever, - and if you can get a criminal to talk, I assume this will be a piece of cake for you.

Ten smiled and nodded. Oh yes. He would enjoy this.

-Greetings, aliens, - Ten said walking towards the platform, none of the girls said anything back. – I am Detective Ten, and I will ask you some questions, if you do not answer there will be consequences, and I am sure none of you would like the ones I have in my mind.

You were shaking in your chair. You had no idea where you were, why were you tied up, how you came to this, and the detectives look was even more terrifying, especially his smirk.

He stood in front of one girl.

-Who are you? – when she didn’t respond, Ten walked over to the girl next to her and slapped her hard across the face. You jumped in your seat.

-Let me make this clear, if I ask, you answer, if you don’t answer, I make sure the person next to you pays for it, clear?

You and others nodded. A tear slipped from the corner of your eyes. Ten walked over to the girl next to you. Which meant- is she did not answer, he would slap you in return.

-Why are you here? – detective asked again, it looked like she was trying to formulate a sentence but trying to speak was getting difficult. The language felt strange on her tongue, the microchip that was planted, was only now starting to work. The question was understood, but to speak was a difficulty.

Not satisfied with “no answer”, detective was striding towards you with his hand ready, but before he could smack you, you found your voice and shouted loud and clear.

-I WILL TELL YOU ALL YOU WANT TO KNOW, - and then you went quiet, Ten leaned closer, - just don’t hit me, o-o-o-or anyone, p-p-please.

The tears you had felt frozen in place, and the saliva in your throat seemed to dry out too fast. The stare the detective was giving you, sent chills through your body.

-Who are you? – he asked.

Your throat was dry, and you couldn’t speak. Ten took this as a sign for water, he knew this face well after a long session of sinful pleasures, even his mouth was dry at some point. He was handed a glass, that he put to your lips and gave you a small sip. A little bit of water dripping down the corner of your lips. Ten’s cock twitched in his pants. His previous activities coming to mind.

-My name is Y/N, - you stated.

-Who are you, Y/N? – detective continued.

You were thinking to yourself- what do I say? Who am I, really?

-I am a regular girl, - you said, detective eye-level with you.

-And?

Ten was pushing you for answers, and you were trying hard, really trying, he walked to the girl before you and smacked her, since you had not given an answer.

One of the girls started sobbing, and Ten went to her.

-Who are you? – she sniffled, and tried to speak, Ten gave her water as well.

-I am Anna, - she spoke softly, trying not to cry, - I c-cannot remember…

Ten turned to Dejun.

-Had they been on drugs?

-Here is a report, - Dejun’s assistant handed Ten a piece of paper, various blood tests showed signs of unknown supplement in their blood. Even their blood was nothing they had ever seen. DNA looked completely anomaly, compared to theirs.

-We were trying to make a sample, but it was too fast to clear from their blood stream.

Ten nodded, thinking to himself. He looked at all girls, eyeing them carefully. They were female. Why would someone send females to attack? He checked photos of the girl naked bodies, curves and a bit of chubby thighs, so they were not sent to war, fighters have fair share of muscles, which none of these girls possessed. Their bodies were free from poison, so they were not sent here… or not meant to land here in the first place.

-I need to see the ship, - detective Ten spoke, - for now, leave them here, I will be back as soon as I can.

With that he left the building together with Dejun’s assistant.

The facility was located a few miles from the GYPE beach, the ship cleared from all the dust, all parts, that had broken apart, next to the ship. Engineers were working to recover any sort of information to help them.

-Detective Ten, this is the engineering team A, specializing in UFO’s, you have worked with them in past, - a man in his fifties shook hands with Ten. -My name is Leon Yah, I am their team leader.

-Yes, I remember, anything yet?

-A little bit, - the man said, taking Ten closer to the team. – This is Jungwoo, one of our best new mechanical engineers and biochemists, he is helping us with this case, - Leon proudly presented Jungwoo, even putting his hands on the guys shoulder, - tell them what you know.

-So, I found a piece of electrics that I actually can use to pinpoint the location this ship came from, it carries the information, sort of like the black box, if you will. It is trying to get it now, so, then at least we might get a clue, what is the reason for crashing here, or any info at all.

Two beeps later, Jungwoo was the first to run towards his computer.

-Just what I though, - he said and then stopped, - what? How is this possible?

-What’s that? – Ten asked.

-There are fragments similar to CASE 101, 1992… but I have no idea of what that is.

-Whatever do you mean? – Ten asked, seeing Jungwoo’s face expresion, and the team leader Leon came closer.

-A while ago there was similar crash, only partly one, there was a ship that contained 2 people, and at that time we came across a different DNA, using one of the bodies, one of the females died, and the other…

-What’s with the other? – Jungwoo asked surprised, he had not heard of this.

-The other is my mother, - detective Ten spoke.

Jungwoo’s jaw went slack, he could not say a word. How had he not heard of this? This is important information.

-At that time, your mother told us, she was sent as a prostitute, because when she got drugged, she hadn’t used alcohol, so she was half awake when it all happened. And your father as a doctor, made sure she was taken care of. I remember that, as if it was yesterday…

“And fucked her like a prostitute he thought she was,” Ten gritted his teeth thinking about this.

-And a few years later I was born, half human half DYVLONY, - detective Ten never liked this part of the story, first of all, who knew, humans could carry a DYVLONY child, even be able to copulate in the first place, also, that is why he was born different. - Could they all be human females then?

-They might be, there is documents about your mother, that could be used to identify if they indeed are human, also maybe there is still metal research of the previous aircraft, that we could use. They should be with the High court, I will ring Xiao Dejun and let him know.

Jungwoo was checking through the information that he had received and sighed. For him this was indeed the first-time seeing UFO and hearing about different species gave him a weird tingle.

-This ship was not crafted by humans, that’s for sure.

-How can you bee certain? – Ten asked.

-If we do not possess this sort of metal, I do not think there is a possibility that this would come from humans, maybe the older report had more on that.

Yes, humans. Fragile creatures. Ten sighed, his mom was human, but heck she was strong woman, whom he loved dearly, and his father, who might have taken her for the wrong reasons, later fell in love and married her.

Team leader came back a few minutes later, giving the papers of what they had discovered to Ten, so he could get back to High court.

Stepping through the threshold, Ten was greeted by the ten females again, all still sat on the chairs provided, all still looking scared, but a bit more relaxed. After checking the papers about his own mother, Ten came across the idea of these females being sent to a different Planet as whores, the same as his mother once was. He just needed some answers to see if it is true.

-How did you end up in the aircraft? – Ten spoke, this time more softly.

-All I remember is me and my friends on a night out, - one girl spoke. You nodded, you remembered that as well.

-I had a drink, and then… - other one spoke, your memories were there as well, you remembered being dragged to the back.

-They took our identification, - you spoke, - and that is all I remember.

-I cannot even remember that, - another girl said, - I wish I didn’t drink that much.

Ten left together with Xiao Dejun to have a chat about further actions.

-It is clear that they were meant to be sent somewhere else, and they are harmless, - Ten said.

-What do you think we do?

-The same as thirty years ago, - he said, - we take them into our community, make sure they are taken care of, and see where it goes.

-How?

-I propose, we put each female together with a person who would take care of them, teach them our culture and see.

-Yeah, true, it’s not like putting them in prison, they are not criminals, - Dejun agreed.

-What about members of society council? There is plenty of men capable, - when Ten said those words he nearly choked, he knew half of the council would have them girls eagle spread on their beds in less then twenty hours, and he would be one of them.

-And you? – Xiao asked, Ten nodded, - let’s ask and see, shall we?

Two days later, all females were dressed in casual clothing, they were cleaned and fed, taught a few things about ownership, since that’s what they would be, OWNED. That meant that the household they would stay in, would have their own rules to follow.

You were anxious. Who are you going home with? Before your parting, all of you had a small chat, just expressing your worries and fears, since this was not exactly a trip to Maldives, or a trip in general. Besides, you were not friends, you were bunch of randomly selected girls for prostitution.

-I hope he will be nice, - Anna spoke, and then the thought of you going away with some random men started to scare you. It could go two ways, either way nice or, he would treat you like shit. All these men want is just one thing, which with your lack of experience would be -nothing. If he even would dare to touch you, you’d probably kick him in the balls, run away and hide.

At that point it didn’t seem like a bad idea, oh boy, how wrong you were.

You were the last one waiting for the person to pick you up. You never got to see who was here to collect other girls, so it was possible, that you would not see any of them again. Not unless, the person who you are going home, could tell you were they are.

Minutes turned to hours, your palms were sweaty, your heart was beating fast until…

-Miss Y/N, - you nearly jumped out of your body upon hearing your name. You stood up and walked through the door. – There is a paperwork to get signed and you should be able to leave as soon as it is done.

Next thing you know, detective Ten walks through the door.

-Ready? – his gaze found yours within seconds. Surely there must be a mistake… no way you are going home with this crazy dude… When he was in front of you, you realized that you must have spaced out, but detectives face looked like he was about to hit you.

-Ah, yes, - you managed to speak. He handed you paper where you had to sign, and after you followed him, no questions asked. When he opened the car for you, you sat down, Ten put a seatbelt on you, got in the drivers seat, started the engine and got going. It was silence. Long silence.

-So… - you wanted to start a conversation, and turned to your new “legal guardian”, he put his hand up and you put your hand on your mouth to shut it, turning your head to the other side, feeling the tears threatening to fall, he was about to smack you. So, he was abusive… oh no.

-Let’s make some things clear, - he started in a low voice, - you do not speak when you are not spoken to, no asking questions, you will not get any answers, make sure not to be in my way, when I leave for work, you do not leave the house at any point. Understood?

You nodded.

-I need words, Y/N, - he said it in clear language, even though normally people struggle with your name pronunciation.

-Yes, - you said quietly.

-Yes what? – he re-asked.

-I do not know, - you said your voice smaller than before.

-Call me Ten, better yet sir, if you wish, that’s more polite, yes?

-Yes, Ten, - you spoke in barely a whisper. Minutes later Ten turned left and you approached his house. Once inside the garage, Ten helped you out of the car, and you took in your surroundings. Everything was neat. Things on shelves, DIY items, you could not spot a dust anywhere. You noticed doors with password access, wondering what could be there, but were cut short with Ten waiting for you at other doors, which were the entrance to the house.

-You can walk through the whole house to see what’s where, but do not disturb me when I work, also since I am a detective, there is a few things you do not need to know or see. I will show you to your room.

You followed behind keeping your mouth shut. You did not want to anger a guy who was abusive, it terrified you to the bone, so you better stayed quiet. Your room was simple, it contained a bed and a nightstand next to it, the bedding was white, like half of the things in his house. There was a wardrobe, which was empty.

-There is a passage to bathroom, I will get you a towel, give me a second, - Ten walked inside, coming back with a towel, putting it on your bed. – how do you sleep?

-Huh?

Ten bit the inside of his cheek. His patience was running thin, the whole idea of a female staying at his house was somewhat disturbing, but also alluring in some way. Maybe soon he could have you tied up in his interrogation room, naked, pussy dripping and ass on display, he licked his lips.

“What is he thinking about? Pervert!” you thought to yourself.

-What do you wear?

If you were on Earth, you would crack a joke how you would sleep naked, but this was not the place or time to do so.

-Pajamas, - you answered, - really, it’s just shirt and trousers, - something more on, god know what this guy could be up to! Duh! Your brain signaled crazy thoughts.

-Ok, I will get you some, - with that he disappeared. You felt like you were in boarding school, not that you had a clue to what that feels like, but hey, imagination. You sat on the bed, your eyes were threatening you with tears that were gathering, but you looked up and thanked the gods for that you were alive. Could have been worse. You could have been sent to another Planet and could have been sold to some asshole as a whore.

Alright, he might not be the nicest guy, but he is providing you with a place to live so you were grateful. For the time being, once you figure out how to get away.

Ten was just about to get his car keys and go to store, when he received a message from Xiao Dejun. They used to be students, going to the same school when they were kids, as hard as it was for Ten, Dejun was always there to protect him, so they became friends.

-A video? – Ten said to himself and transferred the video to his tablet, - I will watch it when I come back.

With that he left. Once you heard the door being locked, you got up from the bed and went to explore. Passing by Ten’s room, you noticed it was not personal, there was no pictures, but at least he had a plant. A very weird looking one, but still a plant. Walking further through the house, you went in the kitchen. There was a tablet left on the table, you didn’t pay much attention to it at first, but walking past it caught your eye. It lit up, a video had been received and you checked if no one was watching you, and pressed “play”.

-??? – what you saw, made you question if the girls that got drugged were actual prostitutes. High court magistrate Xiao Dejun was balls deep in Anna and looked like she was enjoying it as much as he was. But she left only what, like two hours before you?! What the actual fuck was going on? Was this expected of you? To give your body to some alien? Did detective Ten fancy some good old human-alien pussy or what?

-Guess what, he ain’t getting nothing! – you nearly shouted, not noticing how detective Ten was right behind you.

-Getting what?

You jumped, before turning around, not even looking him in the eye.

-Getting what? I asked you a question!

-Uhm, nothing, sir, - you managed. Your back was covering the tabled, the video left on “pause”, as if nothing has happened, you had not seen nothing.

-Were you watching that? – detective Ten asked and you nodded a “no”, did not have to be a detective to see how your eyes darted elsewhere but him to know that you were lying, - I won’t tolerate liars.

Was he about to smack you? You couldn’t really tell, one thing for certain, he was not pleased.

-Let me ask you again, - he warned, - were you watching the video, that is my private property, and you did it without any permission?

You nodded your head. You felt like being scolded by your parents.

-I need words when I ask you question!

-Yes, sir, - you said quietly.

-Turn around, - he ordered, and you looked up at him as to ask “huh?”.

-Was I not clear? – he said again, - turn around, - so you did. – press play and watch the video.

Only then you noticed the length of it. A solid hour… You pressed “play” and closed your eyes. Ten didn’t see that you had closed your eyes. When moans and slapping sounds echoed through the kitchen you were trying not to cringe. Behind you, detective Ten was near enough grabbing his own crotch to relieve some stress, but he needed to punish you first.

-Are you getting wet listening to them? – you thought “what the fuck”, - I bet you are. Dirty girl, cannot wait for me to do that to you, yeah?

You were biting your lips in hopes of him stopping talking. On Earth you would have turned around, smacked the asshole and told him to fuck himself. Here… uhm, you stand and wait. A whoosh reached your bottom cheeks. A smack so loud, louder than the video being played, had reached you. You jumped and opened your eyes.

-How do you like it? – he was so close, you felt his breath on your neck, he smacked you again, groping your ass, - you are a good girl, aren’t you? Letting your hair down, biting your lip, teasing your partner just to see a reaction, well then, baby, I am all yours, besides, I have something others do not possess.

Your eyes were bulging out from your eye sockets. Was he dirty- talking you in sleeping with him? How to politely decline? Yikes.

-I apologize for watching this video, and I won’t do that again, I promise, - you stated, getting out of detectives grasp and running to your room, leaving Ten in the kitchen with growing tent in his trousers, squinting his eyes, trying to figure out what just happened.

His dirty talk always works, so why it had not affected you?

You were no virgin, but your past experiences were not the best either, so might as well count yourself as a reborn virgin. You were not the type of person to sleep with someone just like that, it just was not your thing. Being on a different Planet does not help either. Remembering how magistrate Xiao was even able to fit in Anna’s delicate body, had your body shutting down, ah a migraine was on its way.

You would think about that all night.

Duh.

Ten didn’t return, at least you didn’t hear him. Only later he came by your door to announce that dinner was ready.

-It’s not much, since I don’t know what you eat, it’s spicy though, - ha warned, you thanked him and sat down, having the first spoonful only small, in case it was something you would not be able to eat. He was studying you, there must be something about you, there was no chance he had lost his charms.

The food was fire.

Your run to the sink was so fast, Ten burst out laughing.

-You eat this? – you cried, pouring cold water on your tongue.

-Too spicy? – he giggled, you would have laughed as well, if it didn’t burn your mouth or lips.

-This is poison!!! – you still kept watering your mouth, while Ten continued eating. When you sat back down, your face red and puffy as if you just had an allergic reaction, Ten looked up at you, standing up and walking towards the cupboards, he opened one up.

-What of this can you eat? – he started a conversation.

You turned around and saw something similar to oats.

-Do you have milk?

Ten opened the fridge. At least a porridge, that will do, nothing much, but hopefully will be edible.

Few moments later you were enjoying a porridge that actually tasted like porridge.

-I bought you clothes, - Ten said, - left them in a bag by your door.

-Thank you, - you stated, and Ten didn’t incline that he was angry with you for not addressing him “sir” like you were meant to. You washed the dishes and went back to your room. Opening the bag detective had left you, surprised laugh left your mouth. He had bought you jumpers and trousers, shirts and even a couple of underwear, at least you though that was an underwear, some holes missing, he must have bought them from somewhat “kinky” section.

From time to time you started to hear screams, loud, so loud, you could not sleep. Turns out, Ten as a detective did quite a lot of methods in catching criminals, that no one knew about. Forbidden methods, the ones, you cannot use, if you work for police task force. He assured you, that it is nothing to worry about, but how can you not?

-It just sounded like someone was about to die, - you stated at the dinner table, chewing on your porridge.

-I did tell you not to ask questions… - Ten warned.

-I don’t, - you talked back, - it’s a statement of the sounds I heard.

-You wanna see how I do business? – Ten offered, - I can take you downstairs and show you how I deal with criminals.

-No, thank you, - you turned around, going to sink and washing your bowl.

-Come on, don’t be scared now, I will show you, - to be true, Ten wanted you to see what happens if you become a perp. Also, that would work as a warning in case you want to do something that Ten would not approve of, like- running away, which, you have thought of every night before going to sleep.

Ten dragged you downstairs, typed the code for the other doors, which you were curious about, and you stepped inside.

Blue colors, chains from the ceilings, a table further down, your eyes had to get used to the lighting, until you spotted a chair, before looking around to see other “interesting” instruments, that gave you creeps. Ten walked further, opening a cupboard, taking out and loading a gun, pointing it at you.

-What the… - you choked on your saliva, - uhm, are you doing?

-You know what this is? – he asked, still pointing a gun at you, you nodded. – this is paralyzer. Guess what it does?

-Paralyzes people? – you asked in a small voice.

Someone coughed, diverting your attention, turning around, you noticed the criminal, who was beat to a pulp, looking closer you noticed sharp pointers in his back from the chair he was sat in.

-Wh-what are those? – you whispered.

-I did an acupuncture, - he stated easily, - tell you what, - he kept a pause, - it works miracles...

You swallowed. The blue light made Ten look especially evil. You watched as Ten pressed a couple of numbers on remote control, and the spikes disappeared. The gun was now pointed at the criminal, and without a single thought, you saw Ten shoot the guy, without remorse, not even a flinch. You jumped. On Ten’s command, the spikes went back through the guys back, he screamed in pain.

You did not want to end up like the guy, your feet moving faster than your brain, out of the room, through the door, through the garage entry, running away, not even knowing where. You ran till you were out of breath, stopping randomly to breath in, catch your breath and get going. You were sure, detective would hunt you down, and if you don’t move faster, he might catch you, and god knows, maybe torture you like that guy.

Lungs on fire, seemed like you had run for hours. Taking in your surroundings you smelled freshness from something close, walking further you found out you had come to beachside. Blue water, clear and see-through greeted you with opened arms. There was something else that caught your attention – police tape, surrounding what looked like a hole in the sand.

-This must be where they found us, - you said to yourself.

-And here I thought you were a good girl, - a voice not much further behind you startled you. You turned around to see detective Ten with a serious expression on his face.

-Why? – you asked, Ten didn’t say a word, - why do you treat me like that, huh?

Not knowing, your body moved closer to Ten’s, your pointer finger poking at his chest.

-What do you want from me? – you shouted, - I am not like Anna or anyone else, I won’t do what they are doing, I should not be here! Why are you abusive? Do you want to hit me? – you breathed in, - I am from another planet, I do not know how to be someone I am not, I do not wish to be owned, and certainly not by someone like you.

You finished your sentence in barely a whisper. Ten got a hold of both your hands.

-I don’t like your tone, - he started, and you laughed in his face.

-So what? – you laughed, - what now? I end up like the guy you tortured?

You got out of his grasp, fleeting towards the see as fast as you could. Ten was after you, as you ran in the water, he chased after you. Your feelings on high alert, there was no turning back if you wanted to go back home.

Not even reaching deep enough you got on your knees without holding your breath and getting under water. Ten’s strong arms pulled you back up.

-No, - he said in warning voice, - this is not how we do things here.

You still were trying to get underwater.

-No, - he said again, grabbing you towards his much stronger body, - STOP!

Tears felt down your cheeks. You really thought that killing yourself was the exit. When you didn’t struggle anymore, Ten started to pull you out from the water. He was completely silent. Bringing you with him to the car, he put the seatbelt on, got in the drivers seat and drove.

Both of your bodies were soaked, and the closest person to help him was his own family. Pulling up in the drive- way, Ten got out of the vehicle first, then helping you out. Soon a knock on the door, they opened with Ten’s fathers face.

-Hmm, what do we see here? – he asked and smiled, opening the doors wider, letting Ten drag you inside, - honey, we have a visitor.

His mother came rushing from the kitchen, when you saw her you had to blink a couple of times, she was a bit shorter than you, near Ten’s height, looking not at all alien- like (if that was even a thing), and you started questioning things.

-Ten! – she greeted with big smile on her face, and then she noticed you, - hello!

She came straight for you.

-Let’s get you all cleaned up, shall we? – with that she took you upstairs, towards the bathroom, opening drawers she took out a bathrobe and a towel, she made sure water was warm in the shower, she helped you undress, not saying a word, she washed your hair, helped you get out of the shower, she took care of you, not even asking questions.

Meanwhile downstairs.

-What did you do? – Ten’s father asked, handing him a change of clothes, that looked like parachute on Ten’s smaller body.

-I did nothing, it’s a new case.

-Case? – his father ached an eyebrow, Ten nodded, - don’t tell me she’s an…

-Human, - Ten sat down, his father handed him a beer, - I’m driving, - Ten stated, declining.

-What happened? – his dad questioned.

-Another ship crashed, with ten females, all alive, we just took them in, I got her..

-What’s her name?

-Y/N, - Ten said sighing.

-She’s beautiful, - his dad stated, - so what’s the problem, she’s not giving you any, or is she bad at it?

Ten looked at his dad with “??” (what the fuck) expression.

-It’s complicated, - Ten said quietly.

-Hey, I know what is complicated, - his father let out a small laugh, - I have lived with that for a while now. But let me give you some advice. You must be clear about your wishes, if you wanted her for sex, I trust you have no issue with that…but ask her first, yeah? I am a doctor after all son, but humans are more than that. They have feelings, they have issues, they have past, if she is here, think about what she was like back on her planet, she is missing what she had, doesn’t matter if that was something special or nothing, heck, she might have not been anyone, but even that she might miss.

Ten nodded. He hadn’t thought about that. His penis was thinking first, by the looks of the situation.

-Never forget that there is trust in any relationship, you do not have to be a couple to have some kind of relation between you, even if she just lives in your house, or you “own” her for now, you got to look deeper, - Ten smirked, his dick would be up to your cervix, cannot go deeper than that, and his father re-phrased, seeing his reaction, - Ten, you know what I mean.

-I can’t help it, - he stated,- that is all I think about, all of them are something I have never seen before, it’s like a desert I didn’t think I needed until I saw… wow!

-I believe so, you know your mom and I, that’s how I feel.

DYVLONY people were all sorts – there was not a single one that Ten would count as somewhat other-worldly, all his sexual partners were gorgeous, taking him the best ways possible, but he had not felt any attachment to any of them. It was sensual acts with no strings attached. But being with you even for a dinner time, his thoughts always travelled elsewhere.

Upstairs.

You were sat together on their bed, while Ten’s mother combed your hair.

-He is not a bad guy, - she started a conversation, you looked up, - I don’t know what has happened, but I am sure whatever it is, you can talk it through. But first, do you know anything about me?

You nodded a “no”.

-A while ago I was out, clubbing with my friends, when I saw a girl being dragged out forcefully, she didn’t look like she was moving, and I saw that only because I went to use restroom, so, instead of getting my friends first, I headed straight into something I should not have. Hours later I found myself on spaceship, eyes wide opened, seeing outer space, solar system, until I was knocked out when transferring into another galaxy, and later, naked on a medical table.

You were shook, not knowing what to say.

-Turned out I had landed on a planet, while the other girl I tried to save, had died from the impact when we crashed. I was an alien to them, was taken to the doctor’s home, he was collecting material on me via my DNA. I was so, so shy, while he was doing his job, I had to remain without clothing. When he discovered that my body was similar to his fellow female mates, he wanted to experiment and so…

-I don’t think I want to know more, - you said in low voice, - it’s horrible.

She giggled.

-No, no, I will give you advice, - she smiled and whispered in your ear, - we are much tighter in that area than woman here, so, guess what I did?

You looked surprised. She continued to brush your hair.

-I let him sleep with me and he gave me everything, on top of that, he did not touch me if I said no, and trying for a child, even unexpectedly, was our common decision, until we married before Ten was born. Our bodies are more appealing to them than their women, and we can use that to our advantage from time to time. If you want something from my son, use your sex-appeal and body, he will be at your feet in no time.

She leaned again closer to you and whispered.

-Besides, you are where fantasies come from… - you looked at her and she wiggled her eyebrows, - and my son has been gifted very well… - It was weird listening to his mother speaking those things, but you guessed she was not wrong. Remembering how Ten had eyed you up and down, thinking you don’t notice, it was perfectly clear what his intentions were.

Soon enough you were downstairs eating hot soup together with Ten’s parents. Looking closer you saw similarities between him and his dad, and him and his mom. His charms definitely came from his mom.

What if you did use your body, until you would be ready to give it to Ten?

Later saying farewell’s, you left, going back to Ten’s house. A sudden phone call startled your calm journey, detective Ten picked up.

-Hey, tiger, - a female greeted, and Ten didn’t hesitate to answer.

-What do you want?

-Oh, is that a way to treat someone? I thought we might meet up and have a chat, - she moaned in the speaker, - have that fat cock of yours stuffed deep in…

Ten ended the conversation. You felt your face warm up but didn’t look up. You both had not spoken a word to each other.

-Don’t mind that, - Ten finally said.

-Ok, - you nodded.

Ten opened the doors for you like he usually did, locking them behind both of you.

-I will be down here, so keep upstairs will you? – he said, you nodded and left to your room.

Nothing was heard from downstairs, and you fell asleep.

Ten moved the ceiling chains, washed up, cleared table and disinfected all his toys and torture equipment. He looked at the butt plugs, taking one, he thought of how much time he would need to prep you, till you could be rewarded with one of his cocks. Assorting vibrators by speed, size and use, he also put various lubricant bottles next to them.

Giselle was on speed dial, and he was hesitating.

-Ring, rriiingggg, rrrrringggg!

-I thought you will call me back, tiger, I suppose it was not the best timing?

-No, I needed to speak with you without others listening, - Ten’s words were soft, - whatever we had going on, it’s over. I want you to respect the decision I have made.

-What? – Giselle felt angered, - who is she? Does she suck you off better than I do? Can she squirt like I do? What is it Ten?

-It is nothing like that, Giselle, you were brilliant and we had much fun, but that’s it, I hope you understand.

-No, I don’t, - she was honest, - I cannot believe you are leaving me for some other hoe!!!

-Just let go, - Ten spoke, - we were never together.

He ended the call, deleting Giselle’s number from his contact list. The same time he received a photo from Xiao Dejun. Selfie with him and Anna tangled in bedsheets, text under the picture “she is all I wanted”.

Passing by your bedroom, Ten stopped.

-You are all I want, - he whispered and went to bed himself.

***

-Ten, I had to show you this, - Xiao Dejuns voice echoed through his earphones, Ten was re-watching the video he had received, one hand down his trousers. Anna walked over to Dejun, while he sat on the edge of the bed. Her hands was massaging Dejuns legs through his sweats, and she continued to bite her lip, while moaning sweet nothings.

Ten rested his head against the headboard, slowly attending to his member, Anna in the video, had just pulled down Dejuns trousers, licking on his penis at no time, her hand wrapped around the base. Her pretty lips wrapped around Dejuns cock, sucking on the head, then licking it up and down.

-She’s a naughty girl, -Xiao spoke to both, Anna and Ten to hear, - aren’t you?

She just nodded and continued to suck. Ten felt the wetness from his cock onto his hand and used it as a lubrication to continue his masturbation. Going up and down, a little harsher each time, stopping in between to see the video.

Anna was wiggling her butt while lying on her stomach, and Dejuns dick was seen in the picture, she got on her knees, spreading her ass cheeks, showing herself of. Seconds later Xiao had his dick spreading Annas lower lips, sliding in her opening a little by little.

-Ugh, it’s gonna be…- Xiao swallowed, - so… so tight…

He couldn’t even formulate a sentence, and Anna continued to tease him, wiggling her booty, allowing Xiao’s member to slide deeper and faster, until it turned into a proper pounding, which Anna gracefully received.

Ten felt his balls tighten, the orgasm was near, through his earphones he heard a noise of something crashing, getting out of the bed straight away, headphones and tablet on the bed, trousers up, he was ready to search for wherever the sound came from. Mentally kicking himself, it was hella hard to put his dick in his trousers when it was like this.

-Fuck, - he swore under his breath, going through the corridor, spotting the light from kitchen. You were on your knees, picking up pieces of smashed glass, until you saw a figure approaching, nearly jumping back.

Seeing it was Ten you quicky apologized.

-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, - you said, - It’s an accident.

Somehow for whatever reason, your eyes travelled from Ten’s face to his disheveled shirt and trousers, where it was as clear to see outline of his penis as it was to know you were an alien on this planet. It was long and hard, begging for attention. You looked away, continuing to “be looking” for some glass pieces that you could have left behind unnoticed.

Ten was just standing there not saying nothing. You disposed of the glass, he still said nothing. While washing your hands, his mother’s words came back to you – use your sex appeal and he will be at your feet no time.

Harder done than said, but all or nothing, you thought to yourself.

-You need help with that? – you asked, not turning around. Ten looked at you.

-What’s that? – he asked.

-Do you need help with that…? - you turned around to point to his lower body. Ten ached a brow, there must be a catch, were you referring to his dick or were you playing him?

He stepped closer.

-What do you mean? – he asked still moving closer, and the next thing you did, surprised your inner self as much as it surprised Ten.

You grabbed his penis through his trousers. Ten nearly choked, you were kicking yourself mentally. Shit. What now?

Looking him in the eye, you moved your hand on his length a couple of times, only to reach in his pants to stroke his naked member seconds later. Ten was used to his hands doing the job, and he had no problem finding a partner either, so why was this so weird?

-I want… - you started, - I want to make a deal.

-Mmmh? – Ten questioned, your hand stroking him ‘oh so well’, if you would continue, he sure would give you everything. You got down, pushing his trousers down as you went, not far enough to see his other dick.

-You could… - you were about to strike a deal while performing a blow job, this was just ‘no’, if you would see yourself right now. Your lips licked his tip, Ten could have come right there, he waited patiently. Your mouth was wet and warm, Ten groaned from the sight and feeling, how your cave welcomed him, your tongue licking the sides of his dick, and then you started sucking. Pre cum tasted bitter on your tongue, but you managed to deepthroat him in no time, letting Ten control your movements a bit, holding on his hips, now using your mouth only. You stopped to breath in. – you could let me leave the house from time to time… for walks… maybe go to the shop… etc.?

Ten nodded. He definitely was not thinking straight.

You took one of his hands and put it at the back of your head, taking him back into your mouth, letting him finish. Ten’s hand grasped a handful of your hair as he fucked your mouth mercilessly, quiet moans (but still moans) left his mouth, until he stilled, hot liquid filled your throat and mouth, all you could do was swallow. Coming down from his high, Ten noticed how your nipples were pressing though the fabric of your pajama shirt, so you were enjoying it. His charms were working.

Ten didn’t let you say or do anything, pulling you up quickly, just to push you closer to living room where the sofa was. Not saying a word, he pulled your pants down together with your underwear. Staying on the floor, Ten made you sit on the sofa, spreading your legs opened for his hungry gaze. You sat back up to say something.

-Shh, - he whispered, - I won’t do anything to hurt you, let me take care of you, - you nodded. Kissing the inside of your thigh, he let you put your guard down and relax a bit. You hadn’t shaved, but he didn’t seem to care either. To test the waters, Ten slid his tongue through your pussy lips lapping up all the nectar that had gathered there, moaning at the taste, diving back in, grabbing onto your hip, pulling you to him. He watched you through his eyebrows. He looked hungry to say the least.

This was the first time someone performed oral sex on you. Your hand went down to play with Ten’s hair, but he grabbed it before you could reach him. He moved your fingers to your clitoris, pressing onto it, your nerves coming alive, his hand together with yours circling your nerve bundle, his tongue sliding in your vagina, with a couple more thrusts you came, a powerful orgasm (which you were sure had never reached before) making you close your eyes, as Ten still was licking you up and your bound hands continued assault on your clit. All of the sudden there was something else, a new sensation, your eyes shot opened straight away. Ten watched your reaction. One of his fingers was massaging the tight rim of your ass, his lips came back to latch onto your clitoris, the feeling nearly making you lunge forward. His finger was now the first knuckle deep between your butt cheeks.

It was as scary as it was exciting. Your body grew used to it, and then Ten would push his finger deeper, penetrating you slowly and then faster, stretching you out, your legs were near to giving up on you, your sticky substance providing Ten’s fingers with more lubrication. It went from one finger to two. Another orgasm going through you in vibrations, only then Ten let go of your clitoris, licking up last time, you shying away from his touch, as it was too much. His fingers were still in your other entrance moving in and out, your vagina convulsing around nothing.

There was a sound of silence. Only the clock announcing it’s 1AM. You looked at him, and Ten back at you. He smiled.

He freaking smiled!!!

Only then his other hand left your other entrance, now resting on your legs. His other hand was touching your hip tenderly. A long pause of silence in between the silence.

-I want you, - Ten spoke, - I want to do so much to you… and I won’t hide it. I want to fuck you so badly you won’t be able to walk for days…

You silenced him leaning in and smashing your lips onto his. Your hands holding on his shoulders, your tongue tasting yourself on his lips. The kiss was gentle, you were exploring each other’s mouths, Ten was standing up from the floor, taking you with him. Your legs around his lower back, as he carried you to his room.

This would be the first time he would make love to someone on his bed/ in his bedroom.

Once on top of the bed, Ten took of his sweats, revealing his other counterpart, your eyes widened. How was that even possible? Ten pulled up your shirt, throwing it somewhere kissing your chest with chaste kisses, sucking on your nipples for a short period of time, discarding his own shirt next. His body was lean, no abs, but inviting, with a tattoo decorating his chest and you licked it, swirling your tongue around his left nipple.

He laid you down, disposing of whatever was left on his bed, and it landed with a thud, his body finding it’s way between your legs, a trail of kisses left all over your body, your hands in his hair, no restrictions this time.

Ten reached your lips, an eye contact was made, and he whispered.

-Which one? – you didn’t understand at first, but he grabbed your wrist, and you were soon touching his cocks. – this one?

He let you touch it briefly before moving onto his other dick.

-Or perhaps this one? – the same pattern of you touching him happened again, and you were confused. It was clear that one of them was thicker, but the other was longer, and you didn’t know which one to choose. Ten kissed your lips seeing your hesitation. – are you worried?

He asked, and you nodded. The stretch will definitely hurt, you were sure of it, so you chose randomly. Little did you know, that the one you chose was the longer one. Ten fondled with your breasts, while kissing you, slowly moving his hand down, to position himself at your entrance. He was holding his breath when he slid inside an inch, and you gasped at the intrusion, spreading your legs to make more room, he looked down, pushing in a bit more then looking up at your scrunched face.

-Just a bit more, - he said quietly, tenderly stroking your hips and your waist, your sides and back down, sliding in a bit more every time. Kisses reached your lips again, he tasted blood from them, it was clear that he had hurt you a bit, but he would make up to it.

-I am going to move now, - he spoke softly, you nodded. Ten pulled out almost all the way just to thrust back in, earning a whelp from you, shallow thrusts were changed for deeper ones, as he studied your features and body language to what you enjoyed more. Once he discovered that longer/deeper thrusts make you arch your back from the bed, he would suck on your nipples and penetrate you like that just to hear the volume of your moans. Your body was like a violin he enjoyed playing.

Ten felt the pressure coming in slow waves of pleasure, he needs you to come first, your hands leaving scratch marks on his back as a proof, that you needed the orgasm as much as he does. He changed the tempo. Shallow thrusts, faster tempo, quick kisses on your lips, quiet whispers in your ears.

-Will you come for me, - he questioned, you could not answer with words, so you nodded.

-More, - you whispered, - more Ten, give me more…

Wet squelching sounds echoed in the room, your essence dripping on the sheets, thrust after a thrust, Ten was providing you generously, his hand coming between your bodies to give you that one last push, when he circled your clit, your core clenched furiously straight away, and you screamed, reaching your high, grabbing onto Ten.

His thrusts became faster only to go slower when he came after you, your core milking him for all he’s worth, his cum dripping from your entrance. Pulling out he leaned in.

-Hold on for me a bit more, - a quiet whisper reached you. His other cock was being pushed inside of you as you nearly cried out. It stretched you a lot more than the first one. You had never felt fuller of something, like in that moment.

Your muscles kept on clenching around his other member, the sliding in and out was making your head spin, you felt like you were about to burst.

-Ten…. Ten… - his name was the only thing on your lips, - Ten… I can’t….

You begged.

Your erratic moans and pained whispers were edging Ten towards another orgasm of his own. He kissed you as he stilled inside you and came, quickly rushing his thrusts to not to hurt you, when your body started to convulse again, trapping Ten’s cock in a vice like grip, Ten thrusted forcefully a couple more times, and when the pressure felt too much, he pulled out only to witness a clear fluid squirt on his lower abdomen, your body going limp in the process.

He placed you on the pillows carefully, cleaned you up, got a glass of juice, waking you up with soft touches.

-Hey, - he greeted giving you a sip.

-Hi, - you said back.

-How are you feeling? – Ten asked, you reached for him and kissed his lips. – I see.

He giggled, earning a laugh from you, he looked at you again, kissing your lips.

-About your request about going out… - he started, - you think after this you are leaving the bed?

You smacked his shoulder playfully.

-Come here, - he smiled pulling you closer to him. Maybe staying on this planet won’t be as bad as you thought it will be. - DYVLONY is now home… will you stay with me?

#wayv ten #nct ten #wayv ten smut #nct smut #wayv smut #smut #fiction #fan fiction #chittaphon leechaiyapornkul #nct chittapon #nct scenarios #nct fanfic #wayv fic #ten smut #awaken the world #wayv

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sleepypeaky · 4 years

Text

weeping willow

michael x bonnie

request: michael gray × bonnie gold with 68 from the big prompt list except let's just pretend in this au that polly and aberama aren't dating so it doesn't make things weird lol

68. “Let’s carve our initials into the tree.”

Warnings: homophobia, some slurs, yearningg

a/n: i love this ship so thank you so much <3im sorry i made it a little darker, i feel like their ship requires a bit of accuracy i dont normally add. also yearning. im gay and so are they. also pretend that teh golds just moved down there for no reason

Michael opened his eyes.

He was lying on the grass with his head in Bonnie’s lap. Bonnie leaned against a willow trunk, his hands twisting through michael’s hair.

This had become their spot. This particular tree had be mangled as a sapling, probably by a farmer who then changed his mind about removing it. Now, at nearly a century old, it grew at an odd angle, which led its leaves to touch all the way to the ground. It was here, beneath the leaves of the weeping willow which curtained them from the outside world, that they fell in love.

3 months earlier

Michael had been assigned to welcome duty. Typical.

A new ally was moving down to birmingham, what michael had been told was it was a skilled marksman and his boxer son. Michael and the son were roughly the saem age, and therefore michael was stuck with the task of showing him around the city.

As the car pulled up, Tommy and Michael stood shoulder to shoulder on the steps. In the next whirlwind of seconds, tommy introduced them all and ushered Aberama inside, leaving Michael and Bonnie to stroll the streets of small heath.

After about 20 minutes of empty touring, Bonnie asked,

“do you have any natural places around here?”

“what? the raining coal dust and brick streets aren’t your slice of heaven?” Michael said sarcastically.

Bonnie chuckled.

Michael led him to the northern outskirts of the city. He explained that when he moved here he had also longed for the nature he was accustomed to. It was a little ways off, but still on the northern hills surrounding the city there were farms and fields and forests. They walked for a while, meandering through the grass. They talked, oddly enough. Something between them allowed this simple communication.

After a bit, bonnie looked off into the corner of the field they were in. A large weeping willow crowned the corner of the field. Michael wondered how he had never noticed such a magnificent tree before.

“Lets go see it.” Bonnie grinned.

Then, as if once more boys, they raced to the tree with the giddiness of someone who finally found a treasure. It seemed that with that short sprint, they were now the closest of friends.

Bonnie climbed up a branch at once. As if he had done so with this tree many a time. Michael, ever afraid of heights, watched him from the ground.

“What d’you say michael?” Bonnie asked as he once more stood on the ground. “Let’s carve our initials into the tree.”

Michael tilted his head, inviting an explanation.

“Well, seeing as we are the only people around here who value the outdoors, i say we mark the tree as ours.”

Michael smiled, “I do believe you are right.”

Bonnie took out a pocketknife, unhinging the blade and approaching the tree. Before long, a ‘B.G’ was carved in surprisingly nice fashion into the grey bark. He handed the knife to Michael, resulting in an ‘M.G’.

They stepped back to observe their handywork.

Of course Michael had heard it, the mutterings followed by harsh spits at the ground. The bodies so badly mutilated they were no longer recognizable. But everyone always knew who they were– that is to say, why they were in such a state.

Michael heard it used as insults to other men, he heard it yelled from fathers to sons in furious disappointment.

Michael heard it from him, and as a permanent tormenter Hughes’ voice echoed in his mind. He felt sick.

fag.

sodomite.

poof.

They all heard it, everyone did. but most could walk by without notice.

Michael tried.

And then Bonnie came, and the fear took a deeper, tighter hold.

Bonnie already knew who he was. He got away as a ‘rumored homosexual’, living in relative safety knowing that anyone who tried anything would get their skull blown off by his father. he knew he was lucky.

Michael denied it all, then all of a sudden he was tasked with showing him around and he fell hard

As the weeks past, they talked, shared their pasts –to an extent– with each other. Normally michael wouldnt do this but there seemed to be a connection that made communicating easy, made it seem ok.

And michael was consumed. It was everything, his dark curly hair, his manor, the way his cheekbones caught the light, the intensity of his gaze. His heart beat red, but the fear and confusion he felt encased it.

He remembered what he had been taught, what was said, what he had been told by that evil man and the society around him.

And then he slowly he grew more silent, reserved. The friendship that sprung up so quickly seemed plugged, like a stream with dwindling water.

Such was the case today as he quietly followed bonnie to the willow.

As usual, Bonnie was in high spirits. He hoped his cheery attitude would raise michaels, he desperately wanted the old michael back.

“Race you!” He called, beginning to dash across the field. He thought perhaps a sudden spark of competition would snap him out of it.

But Michael kept his pace, waving his hand to suggest he would not be racing today.

Bonnie sighed in defeat and allowed michael to catch up.

“Michael” He started as they pushed through the leafy curtain, “What’s the matter?”

Michael looked at bonnie as if surprised,

“What? Nothing’s the matter.”

But this statement fell short as his eyes refused to look up from the shadowed ground. He felt the bubbling wave in his chest rumble. He refused to cry.

Bonnie sighed and crossed his arms, starting in a hushed tone

“Michael i know something has been wrong for a while now, please tell me.”

Perhaps it was the softness of his voice, or the light hand on his arm. But to michael keeping it in seemed no longer to be an option.

He opened his mouth and found a large lump in his throat, he tried to swallow it but found his throat now dry as a bone.

A tremor stared throughout his body, and the tingly sensation of fear coated his skin. His lips quivered

‘bonnie–” he tried and had to clear his throat. his eyes still unblinkingly linked with the earth.

“i-” the tightness of his chest became unbearable. He couldnt breath, and his mind went elsewhere.

“I love you.” He whispered, the tears he promised to hold in fell freely from his eyes, traversing the faint sunspots on his cheeks.

Bonnie watched as michael’s shaking form wept in silence. His own cheeks became wet. He crept his hands up to michael’s face and lifted his chin. He pressed his forehead against his and whispered against michael’s soft sad lips,

“I love you too.”

Michael looked up at the love of his life with bright watery eyes, translucent pearls continued to leak out and roll to the ground. He moved his chin just a fraction to connect his lips with bonnie’s.

perhaps the willow knew, for the wind seemed to subside and pull the curtain of the leaves closed around them.

Now, reclining in the new warmth of spring, that day seemed so long ago.

Michael once again looked up from his place in Bonnie’s lap, he reached up and caressed his cheek. Bonnie leaned into Michael’s touch.

“I love you so much bonnie.” Michael said, gazing in utter adoration at the face above him.

Bonnie shifted his body so he could lie down beside michael and kissed him.

As they lay intertwined, the warm aromatic breeze fluttered through the willow’s branches. A beam of sunlight entered as if through a door, and shone upon the bark of the tree. In the light were two names carved; now encompassed in a heart.

☾ ✧ ☾ ✩ ☾ ✧ ☾ ✩ ☾

☾ ✧ ☾ ✩ ☾

☾ ✧ ☾ ✩

☾ ✧ ☾

☾ ✧

☾

#bonnie gold #bonnie gold imagine #michael gray #michael gray imagine #michael x bonnie #bonnie x michael #bonnie gold x michael gray #michael gray x bonnie gold #gay peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders fic #they do be gay doh :')

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bluejaysgonerogue · 4 years

Text

I’m Sorry PT.2-Stucky x Reader

Read first part first!

Warning; Mentions of S***ide, cutting, extreme depression,

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3

Please, dive in.

—

I stop shading the background of a picture, looking up at the New York City Lights.

If you need me

Wanna see me

You better hurry

Cause I'm leaving soon

Sorry can't Save me now

Sorry I don't know how

Sorry there's no way out

But down

Mmm

Down

I skip the song, not wanting to think of jumping off this roof. I made them a promise, and I will keep that promise even if they hate me for it.

Promise us you won't ever die because you don't have us with you.

They had said those words with such seriousness as they sat with me on stools at the island. I had nodded my head, agree and telling them the same before we all kissed.

It's not true

Tell me I've been lied to

Crying isn't like you

Oh-oh-oh

I let a single tear fall down my cheek as I think of the pained looks they gave me. The first day I stopped sleeping with them, they looked so sad the next morning. When Steve had gone to pour my tea, he had found I had already finished the job. And added the cream Bucky usually drops in.

What the hell did I do?

Never been the type to

Let someone see right through

Oh-oh-oh

I had wiggled out of their passionate hugs from behind, shrugged off their shoulder kisses. I stopped going to dinner, lunch and breakfast, residing with tony in his lab. Steve and Bucky took turns dropping off food, but I eventually stopped eating

Maybe won't you take it back

Say you were tryna make me laugh

And nothing has to change today

You didn't mean to say "I love you"

I love you and I don't want to

They had confronted me a week after I left their room, asking me what was wrong and cupping my face and kissing my head and face. I told them I had rethought a lot since I had died and that I wanted to play the field. So, after they had started to leave me alone, I'd go to bars and hookup and date people. They didn't matter- just greedy people who wanted the chance to be in Stark Tower with the Avengers. Hell, one idiot even tried to steal nats underwear, and he didn't leave without a limp and a dislocated shoulder.

Oh-oh-oh

Up all night on another red eye

I wish we never learned to fly

high

I had gone to LA for a few weeks, meeting youtubers who wanted to feature me in their videos. I dated a guy for a hot minute, posting only one video with him. We had gotten this idea to reenact cute couple photos. We did, he edited it and posted. I stalked the comments from my hotel room, seeing that the YouTube account Steve and Bucky had set up had commented a few paragraphs. The guys fans got really toxic and hated on stucky, some calling them fags. Ugh. I hate that word so much.

Maybe we should just try

To tell ourselves a good lie

I didn't mean to make you cry

In the airport, after my flight, tony had Happy drive me back. I, Of course, didn't know that Steve and Bucky we're having meltdowns in the back of the car. After about ten minutes, I practically forced happy to pull over and let me sit in the passenger seat up front. We had sat in silence as we listened to the sobs of my exes.

"Yknow, tony told me they had been crying the whole time you were gone." Happy had said when we were on a less crowded freeway.

“I know." I had said, while giving a blank stare out the window.

"Could you maybe-just maybe- try forgiving them? All they want is you kid."

"I know."

"Look, you don't get love like that. It's once in a lifetime sorta thing. You gotta stick with it when you got it, because you never know when you're going to loose them."

"Happy, look, I'm just in the way of their relationship. Once they get over it, I know they will be happier without me, eventually." I give him the first reason why I'm doing this.

"Okay kid. Okay."

Maybe won't you take it back

Say you were tryna make me laugh

And nothing has to change today

You didn't mean to say "I love you"

I love you and I don't want to

Bucky and I had to spar for fury. The man had us in minimal clothing for some goddamn reason. And we all know how hot Bucky is with no top on. So of course I let it slip.

“Heya Moss." Bucky called me by my last name, something he'd never done before.

"Hello Barnes." I usually called him Sarge or James. But never before has I called him Barnes. He looked pained, like a kicked puppy. I know I shouldn't've fallen for it, but I did.

"God I love you so much." I gave him a hug before realizing what I was going. I quickly pushed myself away, rushing out of the gym, out of the shield base, and out of New York. I took a plane out to Columbus Ohio for a change in scenery. Went and saw some local bands, ate some of the best Chinese ever, and had a lot of one night stands.

The smile that you gave me

Even when you felt like dying

We fall apart as it gets dark

I'm in your arms in Central Park

There's nothing you could do or say

I can't escape the way, I love you

I don't want to, but I love you

When I came back to the tower, Natasha had actually ambushed me with hugs. She held me close and pulled me towards Steve and Bucky's Room.

In fact, that's where I am right now. Standing outside their door with Natasha's arm around my shoulder. She knocks, getting a weak 'go away' in response.

"Cmon, Ash. Say something. Sing something, just do something. They've been doing horribly. They stopped eating when Bucky came back full out bawling and in tears after the sparring incident. The team doesn't know why you started avoiding those two. We all know how close you guys are. Please ash they've been more miserable than I was after Clint." She stops for a moment. A vow she took to take a moment of silence after saying his name. "Please Ash. Say something to them. You're the only one they'll open the door to."

I look at her, a dumbfounded expression on my face.

"Nat, it's been three and a half months. They should be over me."

"Well, they aren't."

"Natasha, I don't deserve those angels. They're literal human gods. They're the perfect two people to be together. They're so compatible it's unbelievable. I throw that off nat. I throw off their relationship Becuase they feel like they can't just give each other attention, they have to give me attention too. Nat, I love those shïtheads more than I love the team. But, I hold them back. So I let them go. Natasha, it's 4 am, I just got away from some creepo who tried to take my uterus. I am not in the mood to deal with two crying men. Especially not the only two who I would actually cry for. So please, tell everyone to stop circling me in and let me go to my room." By now, all of the avengers, save tony, bucky, Steve and of course nat, has formed a circle around the door and me, all in full armor. Hell, Loki had created some fücking forcefield or something to keep me unable to go anywhere aside from inside that door.

"Ash, you have to pull your big girl panties up and admit that they can't function without you."

"They did just fine for a few months." I retort, staring Wanda and Natasha down.

"Loki, can your just pull them out? Or put her in there butt naked? Please?" Sam looks bored at this point, determined to get away from here and back onto his couch.

"Woah woah woah, no way in hell that is going to happen." I sigh, finally realizing they've cornered me. "Damn you guys are evil."

I turn to the door, putting my fingers on the glossy paint of the door. i let it rest there for a while, tears threatening to fall down my face as my lip trembles.

"Say something I'm giving up on you. I'll be the one if you want me to. Anywhere I would've followed you." I finally let the tears fall, choking me as I sing the song they should be singing.

"Say something in giving up on you." I wait a second before continuing. "And I. Am feeling so small. It was over my head. I feel nothing at all."

I lean my forehead against the door, my breath fogging up the paint. "And I. Will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love. Just starting to crawl." I really was new to love. They were my first real relationship, of course.

"Say something im giving up on you. I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. Anywhere I would've followed you. Say something im giving up on you." Instead of the strong voices used in the recording, I use my head voice, softly as it cracks with my sobs.

"And I. Will swallow my pride. You're the ones that I love. But I'm saying goodbye." I fall to my knees, feeling the eyes of my teammates burning a hole in the door.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you. And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. And anywhere, I would have followed you. oh say something, I'm giving up on you" I'm starting to give up on them. Maybe they won't forgive me. Honestly, I wouldn't blame them if they never did. I'm a horrible person for what I did to them.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something" I just collapse against the door, my back and head falling against it. I cry, looking up at the grey ceiling. I stop singing, talking softly now. I know that if they tried, they could hear me. "Say something"

"I'm so sorry. God I'm such a mess. I miss you guys. So much. I miss cuddling, I miss talking. I miss sleeping in between you two. I miss making you guys breakfast in bed in the rare occasion you guys weren't up before me. God I'm such a goddamned idiot. I'm so new to love. God, I've never let myself get this close to anyone before you two came along and crashed my party of one. God, I miss you two. So, so, so much. Y'know, Happy told me that you guys were miserable. God I'm so sorry I left you in the car. That should've done it. But it didn't. Because I'm the fücking idiot that I am and I took you two angels for granted." I pause, turning my torso to rest my hand on the doorframe. "God, I miss curling up in your tops, snuggling into your sweaters when I'm sick. I actually miss the empty feeling when you two are both gone on missions without me. I miss climbing into our closet and sitting on the floor between your clothes. I miss the sandalwood smell I get when Steve's been gone, and I miss the smell of cedar that becomes potent when Bucky gone alone. I miss everything about you guys and I don't know how I'm still alive and here. I don't know why I haven't just jumped off the roof of this tower."

That's when it happens. The door flips open and my head is caught by a warm lap. I am pulled inside the dark, musty smelling room, the door slammed after I'm inside. I look at the guy who's lap I fell in, only to not recognize him.

"Who are you?" I ask after a quick look at his face. He has long, long deep blonde hair and an unkept and unforgettably long beard. His eyes are a dull blue, and his face is tear stained. I look around his neck, breathing in his scent. "Cedar... Wait Steve?" I look at him. He looks like shït. And he's just staring at me with a blank expression.

"Oh my god Steve are you okay? Have you even gotten up lately? Why are your eyes so dull, why'd you grow your beard out so long? Why haven't you cut your hair? Where's Bucky?" I ambush him with questions as I look his face over, taking it inbetween my hands and moving it around so I can inspect him.

"Wait Steve why are you wearing long-" I pause for a moment, realizing what I'm saying. "Oh my god Steve no. God no. Please god please please please no tell me you didn't." He doesn't say anything, but the slight movement in his face tells me everything.

"Shit." I takes me a split second to trip his sleeves up, seeing the scars and lines of dried blood. They're deep, but healing well thanks to that serum. "You idiot. If it weren't for that serum you'd be dead and I couldn't yell at you for being so stupid. I mean, Nomad you at least took care of himself. Why'd you do that Steve? Why did you start-" I stop again, already knowing the answer. "Oh god I hate myself so much right now. What the hell is wrong with me. I can't even make up for the shit I've caused you. Damn I'm such a mess. Going around town and keeping beds warm. God I missed you Steve. I'm so sorry I'm such an idiot for leaving you two. I'm such a goddamned blind dense idiot-"

He cuts me off, pulling me to his chest and kissing my forehead. I let him sit there for a second, sighing as I finally feel at home. And then I remember.

"Bucky." I get up off of Steve, searching around the room for the brunette. My eyes sift through the piles of dirty clothes littering the floor. I rake through the closet before my eyes land on the bed.

"Dear god." I see him, gauze on his arm. He's collapsed in the bed, a pillow underneath his head and a blanket tucked around him. I rush over, jumping into the bed and inspecting him.

His arm is wrapped in bandages, his metallic arm slightly corroded. His eyes are staring at the ceiling, his mouth slightly ajar. "Steve?" He asks, low and slow. I let more tears fall from my eyes as I place my hand over his, lifting it to my lips.

"Oh god buck... I'm so sorry... I'm so, so, so, so sorry. God I'm such a fück up. I always leave you guys behind, letting you watch me from behind. What did I ever do to deserve you two... because I honestly don't. You two are angels in every way, and I'm the personification of hell... god Bucky why'd you do this..." his cuts are deeper than Steve's, almost to the bone. Most are healed over, the only fresh one on his upper bicep.

"Ash?" He asks, still not looking over. I let out a small cry, holding the back of his hand to my forehead. He moves his hand down, letting it rest on my cheek.

"Yeah baby?" He uses his hand to guide me above him. I can't stop the tears, hearing them hit the fabric as he moved me above him. His eyes are dull, blank, lifeless as they stare up at me. There's a small spark once his eyes focus, hope, before it fade away again.

"Is it really you this time?" He mutters, just loud enough for me to hear.

"Yeah. It's me. I promise buck. I promise I'm back home sarge. And I promise I'm never going to leave you two again." I give his forehead a light kiss before hugging him, my nose finding the crook of his neck. I feel Steve come and lay behind me, putting an arm around my waist lightly.

"Good." Bucky turns on his side facing me, his fleshy warm arm finding its way behind my lower back, pulling me closer to him. Steve shifts forward, placing a sweet kiss on my neck. Bucky pecks my lips before closing his eyes. After a few minutes I hear him and Steve lightly snoring. I open my eyes to see Bucky looking peaceful for, which I would later find out, the first time in a long time.

|—☆—|

I wake up, a soft light seeping in through the curtains. I try to roll over, only to be stopped by two pairs of hands.

"Oh no, you're staying right here." Bucky's husky morning voice breaks the silence as I huff back down onto the covers. He smiles, his sunken eyes and pale face making me frown slightly.

I pull Bucky closer to me, Steve groaning slightly at more movement. "Go back to sleep babe..." he mumbles, pulling me closer to his chest.

"How can I? You two are too cute to miss a second of taking in those features." I smile as I brush my fingers over his beard. I kiss his forehead, smiling before turning to Bucky.

"Wait... how come Buck doesn't have a beard?" I ask, brushing my fingers along his stubble. He looks me in the eyes, a warm, comforting feeling falling over me.

"I remembered how you said you like me clean shaven... so I shave." He says, a smirk on his face as he scoots closer to me and Steve.

"Ok mister crowd pleaser." I give him a quick kiss, nestling myself closer to him and Steve.

|—☆—|

It took us literally until 1 in the afternoon to want to get up.

Steve has left first, going to the bathroom and taking a shower. Bucky followed close behind, then I joined him the the shower and helped him wash his hair. They had already gotten dressed in simple jeans and T-shirt's, now cleaning up some of the messes they made.

I look down at myself. I'm wearing a pair of black cotton leggings, converse, yet I have no top on. Then it hits me. 'Bucky's sweaters!' I walk over to the dresser, reaching down to open the sweater drawer before I suddenly stop.

"Maybe they don't want me to wear them right now..." I breathe out, letting my hand fall by my side. I mean, I did leave them. And return their sweaters. I mean, I know that they used to love me in them, and I love wearing them becuase they smell like Steeb and buck, but may-

"Go on ash." Bucky's smooth voice rings throughout the room, interrupting my inner conflict.

I freeze for a second, suddenly having difficulty breathing at the same rate. I slowly turn around, letting my head fall to the side as my face contorts into a confused jumble of anxiety and fear.

"Wha...?" I let the word slip out of my mouth, my breathing hitching.

"Go on doll. Take a sweater or two." He smiles, using the pet name he gave me when we first met.

I stand, my arms against the bar as I look out into the ensemble of people. A man with brown hair, with strikingly blue eyes sits next to me, getting a beer from the bartender.

"Hello doll. Why are you alone on such a night?" He asks, a small smirk gracing his angelic features.

"Well, some boys cheat and don't cover it up too well." I say, looking out around the crowd before watching my ex, Conrad, dancing with some blonde chick in a skimpy dress.

After a second, the man breaks the comfortable silence. "Ah, so he's a disloyal idiot then."

I turn my head to him, tilting my head to the side and back as my eyebrows furrow together. "I beg your pardon?"

"Well, doll, any guy who get with you should stay loyal no matter what." He smiles as he sips his beer. "You're cute, and I can tell your Smart, witty, and filled with some sort of fire inside you."

"Well, it's nice to meet you sir. Names Ash. Ashlynd Moss." I smile, extending a hand to him.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Ash. I'm James." A metal arm reaches out to bring my hand up to his lips. I look at the small amount of the arm that is exposed, infatuated with the intricacy of it- even from a distance. He pulls his hand away quickly, moving it behind his back. "I-I'm sorry about that..."

"No no no, please it's nothing. In fact," I use my left hand to break the seal of the silicone on my hand. I pull the rubbery material off, sliding off the sleeve aswell. "I know exactly how you feel." I let my metallic Vibranium appendage shine between us. (It starts in the middle of the lower half of her arm)

"Wow, that's beautiful doll."

I smile at Bucky, turning and opening the drawer. I take out his biggest, fluffiest blue and red sweater, pulling it on. The neckline falls off my shoulder and the hem is at my mid thigh, but I love it.

"Thank you James." I smile, raising the sleeve to my nose to let the sandalwood invade my lungs. I go over and sit between Steve and Bucky, leaning my head on Steve shoulder.

We sit in silence for a while, just looking at each other and kissing lightly. I stare down at my right hand for a while, contemplating if I should take off the cover or not.

"Oh fuck it." I say internally, egging myself on. I push up on the latex, breaking the seal. My hand pulls at each of the fingers, breaking the suction between the metal the the fleshy material. I pull lightly on the bottom of the sleeve before pushing it down from above.

"Ash, why?" Steve mutters, both his and Bucky's eyes burning into my back.

"Because, I except you guys fully for who you are, and you do the same, then why should I have to hide this huge part of myself?" I turn around and look at him and Bucky. I give them a small smile, getting big goofy ones in return.

"It isn't a huge part of you ash." Steve says, nuzzling into my neck.

"Steve, I lost a third of my arm. That's a huge part of me." I roll my eyes, kissing the top of his head.

"Physically, Maybe it's a huge part of you, but emotionally? No. It's not a part of who you are Ashlynd. It's something that made you who are today.

"Steve, I lost my arm to a red room newbie. That's despicable. I had finished the graduation ceremony, and the kid came up, broke my bone clean and ripped the flesh off." I look down at the fingers. Flexing them in and out.

"Maybe that did happen doll, but it doesn't mean anything." Bucky kisses my cheek. "You're still the best girl out there."

"So you're saying I can't beat you or clint?" I smile quietly as I say these words, leaning away from Steve to look Bucky in the eye.

“No." Bucky takes my metal hand in his, stroking it lightly. "But I am saying you're better than Natasha. At least."

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thevmontgomery · 4 years

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Montgomery Family Values

After Rocky’s vigil, Vanessa comes home to gather a few things and is unfortunately met with a Montgomery sibling meeting.

included: @montgomery-malachai triggers: homophobia, rocky’s death, slut shaming,

Vanessa: There were few situations Vanessa ever felt like she didn't have any control, there was only ever one that she's ever truly felt powerless: when it was her and her brothers. Vanessa had only came home to get a few things knowing that their father would be out, but caught her eldest brother Nate staring back at her with disappointment in his eyes as she was instructed to follow him to the dining room table, Kai already sitting there. She hadn't been home since she ran away and Vanessa knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to face her family. Her family that changed the locks on her, her family that took her son from him took every piece of existence of the boy out of the house, the family that made her feel like she didn't exist the majority of her life. Vanessa sat down across from Kai, not bothering to make eye contact.

kai: Kai hardly had a relationship with his eldest sibling, even when they were younger, he had always been closer to Vanessa. Something about Nate being able to bring out the almost submissive puppy in Kai, always breaking the hard exterior he built up as their conversation went. He had been sitting in the living room, his brothers eyes on him when they heard Vanessa pull up. Kai getting sent to sit at the dining table, popping one of his /sales/ in his mouth, dry swallowing it as he sat down. Hoping to feel something other than sobriety in this impromptu family meeting. His head glanced up as he heard the clicking of his sisters heels, rolling his eyes as she avoided eye contact with him. A part of him not shocked that she had left him with the two people he had hated most in the world, but a part of him still hurt by it.

Nate: "Sit," Nate instructed, sitting at the head of family seat. Looking over his siblings all he could feel was disgust and disappointment. "Have you two learned nothing?" he started. "All you two have done since I enlisted was cause Hell in this house. Mother would be turning in her grave if she knew how you two have become? A fucking useless teen mom and a drug dealing fairy. You two are going to wisen up and you're going to wisen up now!" his voice thundered. Nate turned his gaze to Vanessa, "And what do you have you have to say for yourself? Do you know the mess father and I have to clean up because you and those god awful Bells? Do you want to be one of their gang sluts for the rest of your life? You already fucked up your life getting pregnant and now you're going to let them ruin your life some more? You're going to pack up all your shit wherever you are and come home /tonight/. Not tomorrow, not when father is gone, /tonight/. And you..." he paused turning to Kai. "Fort Union Academy will be expecting you to move in this weekend."

kai: shook his head as Nate brought up their mother, no one in the house understanding Kai, especially after the accident. Talking or thinking about his mom was hard, let alone the thought that he wasnt what she would have wanted of him. He knew deep down that his mom would be disappointed in who he was, but he enjoyed himself, he loved himself. /most of the time/. His eyes glaring daggers at Nate as he addressed Vanessa. Knowing she went in on herself day in and day out, and now with rocky being gone he knew it had gotten worse. "dont act like you give a fuck," He spoke, for once getting bold with his brother. Instant regret washing through him as he turned to him, his brow raising, "youre funny if you think im getting shipped away like some fucking amazon return," he knew at that point he already sealed his deal, and he shouldnt have kept talking, but he had.

Vanessa: Even though Vanessa in her brain was the more mature one out of the three, she was also the most weak willed out of them and easily persuaded when it came to her family. She already felt so alone in the house that she would do anything to make her family happy with her again. Nate's words were hitting Vanessa like knives and she became that sad little forgotten girl once again. Tears started forming in Vanessa's eyes. Maybe if she had been a little nicer, a little prettier, a little smarter, a little more like her parents wanted, Rocky might still be here. If only she would have been enough all of this wouldn't have happened. "I... I get it, Nathanial," she said weakly, curling into herself. He was right. She was ruining everyone around her and letting other people ruin her. Before she could say anything else, she looked to Kai, shaking her head to stop him. Vanessa knew how cruel Nate was to Kai. She gave him a look of warning, hoping he'd stop talking. She'd take the beating if it meant Kai would be safe.

Nate: head snapped once he heard Kai's reply. "I don't give a fuck about some fag who is dead set on being a disappointment for the rest of his life. I'm concerned about our slut of a sister who killed our brother. Or did you forget?" He stood up, palms pressed against the table and eyes of fury. He took a deep breath, pretending to add some softness to his faith. "She's useless, beyond help according to father, but for whatever reason he thinks you can be fixed. A year at military school should /straighten/ you out in one way or another. It's not up for discussion. When father comes home your hair will be black again and you both will be grateful that he is continuing to let you live in his house. Do I make myself clear?"

kai: "No all you give a fuck about is impressing the image of a man who has never been a father to anyone but you," he spoke sharply, his whole body telling him to stand down. That his brother wasnt going to take kindly to his words, but the fire he felt in his skin from hearing him talk about vanessa, he couldnt stay quiet. "Shes amazing. If you took a fucking second to look past what father has warped into that peanut brain, you wouldve seen the person she really is. Shes not a slut, shes not an idiot, shes not useless. Shes fucking family!" Kai spoke, standing from his spot, "Everything she has ever done has been to make father happy, to make you happy. And for what?! To be forced to live a lie her whole life? She didnt kill our NEPHEW. She didnt go to that appointment knowing that Vince fucking Bell would bring his gang ties with him. You dont get to sit here and lecture us when you arent even fucking around to see anything happening anyway!" He rolled his eyes, catching the way he spoke the word straight, "Yes because a year with only men around is really gonna make me only want woman. Smart plan on that one homie,"

Vanessa: "I didn't kill my son!" Vanessa finally spoke up, the pain clear in her voice. "You think I purposely got my son killed! I wish it was fucking me! I wish every fucking day that I was the one who died and I know you all wish it too! You wished it when Mama died and now you're all wishing it with Rocky gone," she continued, tears rolling down her cheeks. All she wanted right now was to drown herself in vodka but she couldn't right now with Nate of all people here and Kai catching onto her habits. Vanessa fell into herself, slowly breaking down for the first time in a long time. It was like everything came flashing before her. She knew her family hated her, knew her family didn't nor ever loved her, and it was all just resurfacing. She looked up for a second, puffy eyes immediately going to Kai and mouthing "stop". If Nate was already dropping the F word to Kai, it would only escalate from there.

Nate: "It should have been you," he spoke sternly, not bothering to even look at Vanessa. His full attention on Kai. He shoved Kai in his chest forcefully putting him back in his chair. "Don't get loud with me, Malachai. You think because it's just you here now you're the man of the house? He died because your sister didn't know who the fucking father of Rocky was. If she hadn't been whoring around there wouldn't have been an appointment. You let her go to that appointment alone. You're just as much to blame as those fucking Bells. This is your last straw, Malachai, last fucking chance. You want to learn what it's really like to be alone? You wanna get sent away too? Don't push me."

kai: "Like it shouldve been me when mom died? Bet you loved telling an 11 year old that everyday for months," He spoke bitterly, a groan falling from his lips as he was shoved back into the chair. His head snapping up to meet his gaze. His words sinking in and knowing there was plenty of truth to them. "I shouldve gone youre right," He spoke, "But you know who else couldve? You. You know who couldve stopped Vince being involved from the gun? You." Shaking his head, "Im already alone Nathaniel. This place is simply room and board at this rate. We arent a family, weve never been a family. father and yourself have made damn sure of that,"

Vanessa: heard the garage door opening and looked to her brother with desperate eyes. Thankfully, Nate walked out to the front to meet up with their father who no doubtly wouldn't even bother even saying hello to any of them now that his precious son was here. Vanessa waited a moment til their brother was far enough, "You're not... you're not a you know what," Vanessa whispered, not even daring to call him the F word. She hated the way Nate spoke and treated Kai. Kai always got the worst of Nate's anger especially since the youngest came out; usually Vanessa was there to defend him but in this moment she was being beaten down so bad she couldn't think straight. "I'm glad it wasn't you," she added.

kai: 's eyes shifted to their sister, his eyes soft at the look on her face. he could see how affected she was by nates words, the fire in kai only growing. shaking his head as she spoke, "he cant say anything I didnt say to myself for years. I know the stigma around bi men, as shitty as it fucking is," He shrugged, "Everything he said about you isnt true V. You arent useless or an idiot, youre an amazing human. Im glad youre my sister," He spoke, a smile gracing his lips as she spoke, "Im sorry you lost your son V, neither one of you shouldve been lost that day," He spoke softly, himself and V being the closest to Rocky, it hit home hearing Nate talk about him. As if he had a relationship with him.

Vanessa: "But you're not, I'm not going to let them send you away. I'll take whatever daddy has to throw. I won't let you be alone," Vanessa spoke. She got up from her seat, moving to sit in the one next to Kai. "I love you, little brother," Vanessa spoke, putting her head on his shoulder. The conversation was all too much, but everything Nate was saying was true. She believed every last word. She was useless. She was a slut. She was all of it and worsy. "It should have been me," she mumbled.

kai: "I like what I like, no one can get mad at me over that. Not logically, i aint doing harm," He shrugged, " We're never alone. As long as we got eachother we'll be ok," He spoke, resting his head on top of hers for a moment. "I love you too big sister," He knew her gears were turning, knew every word nate spoke was on repeat in both their brains. "It should've been me too," He spoke softly

Vanessa: "No harm, though, you could have better taste in men," Vanessa teased. "You think things would be different if Mama was still here? Or that she'd turn on us too?" she asked weakly. She knew her mother loved them, know deep down in her heart that Malachai and Vanessa whom she always joked were her precious little twins considering how similar they looked (way before the blonde locks and the shaved pink hair), but she also knew that her family wasn't perfect. That her father's heart was cold long before their mother's death. Would he have turned their mother cold too. "At least if it was both of us, we'd be with Mama..."

kaii: "as though you got any room to talk on that front," he teased, rolling his eyes jokingly. His smile falling as he thought of his mothers, the words of his brother ringing between his ears. "I think Mama wouldve looked out for us," He spoke softly. His connection with his mom strong from the jump, he was a premie baby. So he needed the extra love at the beginning, and not much has changed in his relationships since. But himself and the two females of the house were practically attached at the hip, having inside jokes and comments, little memories that no one else could recall. Their mom being the reason people never knew if the two siblings were twins or not. Their family was a mess, no doubt about it. Anyone looking in could see that they werent a family, but merely people coexisting in a home that became a house the day their mother lost her life. And thats what finally caused Kais tough exterior to break. All the memories and thoughts of his mom came rushing back, the ones he had pushed aside since that day in the car. Tears flowing but his face never changing from its stoic expression, a part of him scared that his father or brother would walk through the door. Calling him a fairy and other terms because he was showing emotion. "I miss her so fucking much.."

Vanessa: "the men i date are the best of their groups thank you very much," vanessa replied, sticking her tongue out. she took a deep breath, noticing how silent her brother had become. she shouldn't have brought up their mother. it was a sensitive topic for vanessa, but she wasn't there when their mother died. she wasn't the one who had to watch them pull her lifeless body out the car. vanessa turned to kai, right away seeing his tear stained face. she quickly used her shirt sleeve to wipe away his tears, ears listening closely for footsteps. the last thing they needed was either of the elder montgomery men coming in and seeing kai in tears. it was already world war 2 in their house, things didn't need to be worst. "I miss her too, but I need you to be strong for me right now? Okay, KK? I wouldn't ask this if I didn't think you could do it. Daddy can't see you like this. Just go to my room and lock yourself in there for the night, they won't bother you if they think it's me in there. I'll stay out here and deal with Daddy."

kaii: He allowed her to wipe his tears, tilting his head back as he caught his breath. He knew better than to be showing emotion, given that the two people he feared the most were beyond the door. But everything had become to much for him, every decision made in his life flashing through his mind. A gut feeling telling him she wouldnt be proud of him, and that hurt more than anything could say to him. He nodded to her words, "I know I know," He spoke quickly, rubbing his eyes slightly, "After all this I will. Im not leaving you with them alone,"

Vanessa: "Go." Vanessa said more forcefully. She wasn't going to take no for an answer. Vanessa knew all too well how their father was towards Kai. She never protected him from it, just hid in her room and pretended to be interested in whatever Nate was talking about in order to have someone to keep her from fully freaking out. "Whatever they do to me isn't going to hurt me as what they do to you. Go."

kaii: "No," He spoke with a headshake, "we're in this together V, from now on. You and me," He spoke with as much force as her, "We cant protect one another if one of us is just running off," He spoke, not meaning the double meaning behind his words, and not realizing till they were already out of his mouth, "We need to be united, it has to work,"

Vanessa: "United."

#para

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brianna0040 · 4 years

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Reddie

Richies P.O.V

I was on my way to the clubhouse to hangout with my friends. Leaving my house I grabbed my bike and got on my way.

Deciding to get some drinks for everyone I stopped at a convenience store on the way. While looking around I heard a familiar yet unwelcoming voice. Henry Bowers. I continued to look for Eddies favorite beverage when i felt someone grab my collar and pull me back.

" Since when do they allow fags around here?"

Deciding not to answer i grabbed the drink and left to the counter to pay. Making sure I was safe i left the store rather quickly. While biking by a nearby park something hit me in the head.

"Thought you could get away that easily fag!?" I hear Bowers yell.

"You on your way to see you dumbass friends?" Patrick asks.

"Actually I was on my way to see your mother." I replied with an attitude. I quickly regretted it as I was punched to the ground by Henry.

"Aw getting defensive over Patrick, cute." I snapped back knowing it would just make the situation worse, but not being able to stop myself.

After kicking me a few times they left snickering. I got up and quickly biked to the clubhouse. Once I arrived I was bombarded with questions.

"What the hell toke you so long? What happened? Are you okay? Oh my god Ben get the first aid kit for me. Now."

"No Eds, i'm okay. There is no need for that."

"Richie shut up and sit down so I can clean of the blood from your face." Eddie said sounding frustrated. I did as told. He quickly finished up and sat back down.

"So what did happen?" Beverly asked.

"Oh, just an encounter with bowers and his goons. Like I said im fine. Its no big deal." I replied shrugging my shoulders calmly.

"You know i'm getting really sick of them constantly messing with us." Bev says sounding pissed.

"We all are B-Beverly. But th-there isn't really much we c-can do." Bill said much calmer.

They kept arguing back and forth for basically the rest of time we where there. We all said our goodbye for the night, i quickly caught up to Eddie.

"Hey eds!"

"Don't call me that idiot. What do you want?" He asked annoyed.

"Whoa calm down Eddie-Spaghetti I just wanna spend more time with you. Is that so wrong?"

"No." He replied quietly.

"Hey Eds, are you okay you've been acting very strange lately. Is everything okay?" I asked, concern lacing my voice.

"Yea I'm fine.." He answered very quietly

I stopped my bike in front of him.

"What the hell Rich!?" I looked at him.

"Don't lie to me. I know you way to well for you to be able to get away with it. So i'll ask again, what's wrong?" Eddie looked away blushing a bit.

"I'm worried about you Eds, please I just wanna help you." I said calmly with a hint of concern lacing my voice. I don't wanna pressure him but I get worried.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks shyly.

"You just did." He gave me a death stare. "Sorry, go ahead."

"Are you homophobic?"

"What brought that on suddenly?"

"Just answer the question!" He says seeming nervous.

"No. I'm not. I think you can love whoever you want as long as you're happy and not hurting anyone. Why?"

"Would you unfriend someone if they where gay?" He asked still not looking me in the eyes. He seemed scared of my answer.

"Of course not Eds. Now please tell me why you're suddenly asking all of these questions." It toke him a moment to reply.

"I'm gay Richie." He said with his head down as if he was ashamed.

He started shaking. I realized he was crying.

" Eds!." I pulled him into my arms gently. "Shh calm down I got you. Why are you crying?"

"I was so worried y-you where gonna leave and never want to talk to me ever again and-." I cut him off with a kiss.

"You where rambling." I said with a cocky smirk. He hugged me giggling.

"Eds I wanna ask you something. Will you be my boyfriend?" Eddie looked shocked.

"Of course!" He replied happily kissing me again.

I walked him home making sure he got there safely. Giving him a quick kiss before leaving.

"Goodnight Eddie-Spaghetti"

"Goodnight Trashmouth"

Hope you guys enjoyed.

#reddie #richie tozier #richie x eddie #eddiekaspbrak #it #fanfic

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lysung · 5 years

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Wabi-sabi (part 1)

Genre: angst, fluff (in the upcoming chapters :))

Pairing: Minsung (Jisung + Minho)

Words: 2,750

Summary: Wabi-sabi means imperfect or incomplete beauty. This is a central concept in Japanese aesthetics, which comes from Buddhist teachings on the transient nature of life. A pot with uneven edges is more beautiful than a perfectly smooth one, because it reminds us that life is not perfect.

Han Jisung and Lee Minho are two average high schoolers who have differences in common; two of them are being from the other high schoolers are being a part from the LGBT community and too thoughtful in an unhealthy way, besides many other things society would see as "flaws". After accidentally knowing each other through Twitter, they eventually became best friends but both of them still had colorless and monotone lives outside internet, until that, someday, one of them is about to get beaten up for being LGBT and the other one defends a random guy from getting beaten up by one of his best friends.

Warnings: bullying, homophobia, depressive thoughts

A/N: hello! i'm alexis and this is my first au :) i know this blog is supposed to be a fluff imagines blog, but i've been feeling like writing some ansgt lately. i hope y'all don't mind it ^^ i've worked hard on this since it's my arts homework as well, so i didn't have all the time to write this, but i did write it on my pace and, honestly, im still a bit unconfident about this one. if this gets a great reaction, i will definitely continue this asap ❤️ i hope you enjoy and please leave a heart and/or reblog, it would help me a lot and make my day 💕

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Legend says that, as soon as you’re born, you get a red string tied to your finger, connecting you to someone you’re destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The string may stretch or tangle but it will never break.

Han Jisung always found the Universe majestic but crazy at the same time. Isn’t it weird how everything happen as it wills? Or, maybe, would it be They? Who is in control of the universe, if there’s someone with such power? Would they be God? But who is God, actually? Is there someone above God? — This kind of thought dominated the teenager’s mind every once in a while and, when it did, it would always keep him up at night. The thought of living his own life but, actually, being controlled by a divine existence, would scare him sometimes.

But, the thing is: the Universe, be it "it" or "they", never did anything out of the blue. Everything happens for a reason; whether if we trip or fall, cry out of pain or laughter, fake or genuinely smile, nothing happens “just because”. And we live to grow up as individuals and learn each and every lesson “it” has to teach us, even the small and silly ones.

Laid down on his bed, Jisung, who strongly believed in such legends, turned off his phone and stared at his dark-ish room’s ceiling, slightly bright thanks to the street lights outside.

These thoughts were, once again, haunting him. All he could do was wonder 3 things: What is he supposed to learn? Why? And, specially, who is going to help him?

These thoughts were soon replaced by self depreciative ones as soon as he looked through the window and noticed the sun rising. He would soon have to be up to get ready for another monotone day of school. He turned around, his back facing the windows, closed his eyes and, one more time, tried to fall asleep. But, as time passed, his thoughts wouldn’t go away; neither his usual philosophical thoughts or the self depreciative ones. There were hundreds of voices screaming in his head – some were calling him, some sounded mad, you would be afraid if you could hear them too. And when he least expected, his alarm ranged, meaning not only it was time for him to get ready for school, but also that he lost another fight to his strong mind.

Later that morning, during class change, he noticed 3 of his seniors in the other side of the corridor. Changbin, Hyunjin and Felix were staring at him and laughing out loud; he tried to ignore them and got his material for Math class. Walking to his classroom carefully, trying his best to avoid them, but they eventually came to him and Changbin pinned him to the nearest locker.

"Where are you trying to go, you shameless fag?" Changbin, their "leader", said to his face in provocation.

"Leave me alone, Changbin. Mind your own busin-" The younger tried to say and break free from his strong grip, but failed and was cutted out by Changbin.

"What are you gonna do? Are you gonna run away? Huh?" The oldest said, the provocation never leaving his tone.

Jisung was speechless. The small anxious boy didn't know what to do — should he fight back? Say something mean to them? Run away? He was totally alone and lost; there was nothing he could do.

"What is going on in here?" A high-pitched voice echoed through the, now, empty corridor, and, right next to them was the school's principal, looking pissed off as usual.

"Oh, nothing, Mrs. Kang! I was just... just... asking him how he'll go back home after school, so that I would know if I should take him home or not, hehe! I love this guy, Mrs. Kang. You have no idea how much I lo-"

"Detention. The 4 of you. And, Mr Seo, I'll let you go this time but, if you ever try to lie to me again, it's detention for a whole week. No buts." Mrs. Kang said and left, cutting Changbin's excuse off and getting a sigh from each of them in response.

"Listen up." To turn back to Jisung was the first thing Changbin did as soon as Mrs. Kang left. "I will get you and teach you how to behave like a real man, annoying faggot. Wait for it." Changbin threatened again, looking deep in Jisung's eyes and left. He watched their figures get smaller as they walked through the long corridor, fear and regret as evident in his eyes than never. Changbin had something in his eyes that made Jisung even more confused and lost.

As soon as the group had finally disappeared, Jisung bursted to the school's restroom without looking back, not being able to hold back the tears. Poor boy wouldn't make it to Math today and he was very aware of it.

This was just a tiny bit of Jisung's daily life, but it always shattered his heart in a billion pieces. He wondered, how can people be this heartless? Why are people like this to people like him, who were just born "different"? What's so wrong in being different? In being yourself? In loving someone, not minding their gender identity? What did Jisung do to deserve to live in such a inhumane society?

What did people like him did for the universe to punish them like this? What did they do to deserve such pain?

Jisung eventually lost his hope on society and hated his mind even more for being so cruel to him. All these voices calling him out, calling him names and saying stupid things would never shut up. How great would it be if he had somewhere to scream freely, without fearing to be heard...

As he walked through a dark path in life, it only seemed to get darker. He tried his best to run away, but something was stronger than him, pulling him further into the endless darkness, regardless of how much he fighted back, until he couldn't fight anymore. That's when he gave up.

After two hours spent locked in the bathroom, including some time to calm down a little bit and reduce the swelling in his eyes at least a little bit, he finally left the restroom and safely got his stuff and went to his classroom, lowering his head to hide his swollen eyes.

And this is how Jisung spent the rest of his time at school: hiding himself from everyone, specially his eyes. No one should see his eyes, or else he would be bombarded with questions and feel even worse with people pretenting to be concerned.

When he was finally back home, his safe place, the first things he's done was locking himself in his room and throwing himself on his bed. It was a way too long day for Jisung and all he wanted was to sleep forever.

Hence he couldn't sleep, he unlocked his phone and tried to look for a calm and soothing song to sleep when he received a message from one of his favorite people ever: Lee Minho, a friend he knew through Twitter. They were like best friends; sending memes, using matching icons, tagging each other in random "love yourself" tweets and even writing sweet things to the other, just to remind them that they are loved and appreciated. It was the kind of friendship people either envy or ship. They would never stop talking to each other and Jisung would never find the exact words that can express all his gratitute for having such an amazing person in his life.

"hey, how was school today? did those dumbasses disturb you again?" Minho asked him in the most "Minho" way as always. Jisung's heart always skipped a beat whenever he would receive a message from him - he's one of the few people who actually worry about him and he loved this feeling.

"it actually sucked as always, but there's not much I can do about it anyways. and yeah, they did, that's why :(" Jisung replied, trying hard not to remind of what happened earlier.

"wait right there bub, i'll brb i will get some tickets to go to your city and kick some asses to mars" Jisung smiled at his reply. Ever since they talked for the first time, Minho's personality amazed Jisung. They were completely opposites, and that was the fun part - their differences made everything perfect.

Minho was, unfortunately, the only person Jisung told about Changbin and his "crew". He just couldn't gather the courage to tell anyone but him, blind by scenarios of his family's possible reactions.

"you're so weird" "i love you so much" Jisung replied and smiled as wide as he could. This kind of reply between them would be pretty common. Now, the question is: is it really a joke or not? Did they mean it, or not? They never even thought about saying this, but it obviously made both of their hearts best crazily fast.

"now that's a lie because i love you more" and tons of heart emojis and memes were shared.

They were each other's happiness, home, a safe place. It was incredible how each message would melt both their hearts. Happiness was endless whenever they would talk. "If only universe could make us live near...", Jisung said to himself. He just wanted to hold tight this bright light that had been brightening up the path Jisung was going through.

"hey, I didn't go to school today so i kept on reading about random facts and found out about a japanese legend that says that two people who are destined to meet are connected by a string tied to their hands and i thought of you" "you said you really like legends like this, so i was wondering if you knew about this one..." Jisung's cheeks began to hurt for smiling for so long. Minho makes him feel so loved, which is a feeling he's still not used to, but he wish he could feel all this in person.

"you're so adorable :( and yes i do know this one, it's one of my favorites!" "i wonder who's on the other side of my string..."

"if you're not gonna be on the other side of my red string then what's the point."

"i love you. i wish i could say this in person."

"i love you too bub and that's fine. some day this will happen, okay? we can and will make it happen. promise?"

"promise."

(...)

It was time for another monotone day at school. He would always know what was going to happen because it's been like this for a while now: he goes to school, sleeps in class, is bullyied, sometimes sleeps a bit longer and then, go back home. It's like he's stuck in a viscious loop - in the end of the day, he would always come back home with a sad expression in his face but he couldn't change this.

At school, waiting for biology class to begin, Jisung decides to try talking to someone. If he wants to stop avoiding people, he should be able to have short conversations with anyone. While talking to this girl who sits beside him about a test they would have later that day, a group of boys sat next to him and started to talk in a much higher tone. Jisung couldn't see their faces before they sat, but it was, surely, Changbin as his crew. Soon they started "talking" about gays and how they are ridiculous. Nice. What a beautiful place with sympathetic people, yay. Poor boy could barely focus in class because of all the noise they were making.

As his class ended and he was about to get his materials for his upcoming biology class, the same group of boys pinned Jisung just like the day before. He was shaking; it was happening one more time and he still didn't know what to do. Shaking under his breath, he didn't say or do anything. He wouldn't dare.

"Hello fairy, we're back." This was enough for Jisung to want to disappear. No, not these feelings again...

"H-hey... b-b-back for w-what?" Jisung asked, stuttering, in deep hopes it wasn't about what he thought.

"I told you we we would teach you how to be a real man, didn't I? And we'll do it now. You'll thank us later when you finally understand what being normal is." Changbin said, clearly trying to scare Jisung even more but, unfortunately, he couldn't get anymore scared. He could barely move or speak. He definitely gave up when he saw Changbin's fist in the air, getting ready to punch him, but another yell from the other side was calling for Changbin this time. His attention was divided between Jisung and the mysterious guy.

"What are you even trying to do?" The guy asked, trying to separate Jisung from them.

"N-no, it's not like that, I swear-"

"What is this supposed to be, then? I saw what I saw, and heard what I heard. So, you're gonna teach him how to 'act like a real man'? Because of what, he's gay?"

"Minho, what are you doing?" Changbin tried to reach him and grab his arms, just like how they would do when they were children, but, this time, Minho wasn't feeling like it. He completely understood what was going on and something must be done about it. He wasn't going to keep anything to himself in such moment, even if the one he's confronting is one of his best friends.

"First of all, he is a man. He's not 'less manly' than you, just because he like boys. Love is normal. Don't you even dare try to say it is not normal, or a sin, or whatever excuse you want to give." Minho kept on yelling and pushing Changbin and his other friends. It did hurt him inside, but he wouldn't stop. "You believe in God, right? Well, God wants you to respect His children as who they are. Also, stop acting as if 'gay cure' exist. You think beating a gay up will 'cure' him, huh? Well, this is not and will never be the right option, Changbin. He's done nothing wrong and there's nothing to be cured. You are the one who should learn to be a man. I thought you had finally understood me when we had that talk, maybe you really weren't paying attention at all, apparently. I can't with all this. You have absolutely 0 respect for people who aren't like you, and I won't stand this anymore. I can't do this. You will never change." At this point, there was a crowd watching Minho, their jaw dropped. He really thouched each of them deeply. Jisung could feel the pain and suffering in his voice. All he wanted to do was to hug him, if it means it would make Minho feel better, even if just for a while. He thought he is so brave for standing up for someone like Changbin because of a stupid dude he didn't even know. This is insane.

Maybe you can still have hope on this society, after all.

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chuckaliclous · 6 years

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Awkward//Reddie

CH 4

CH 1 CH 2 CH 3

Tag list: @eddie-kaspjack @plsshutuprichie @eggosoutfor011 @t-rash-m-outh @strangerthoughts @stenbroughreddie @greywatertrashmouth @second-fannypack

okay folks this is the angsty chapter and i would say im sorry but im just not here we go fellas

Chapter Four: Unfaithful

Richie sat in his living room, gazing out the window at the melting snow on the sidewalk that he would have to shovel later for the buck his dad had promised him. He sighed, returning his attention to his homework on his lap, only wishing Eddie was here to play with his hair as he did the work.

A small crash on the front lawn startled Richie back to reality and he snapped his head up to look out the window, only to see the one and only Stanley Uris throwing his bike down and running to the door. Confused, he went to answer the rapping at the door from his best friend. He flung the door open to discover Stan’s face red and blotchy, tear tracks stained on his cheeks.

“Stan?” Richie questioned. It wasn’t odd for Stan to show up at the Tozier household, but he usually calls first, letting Richie know that he’d be there in exactly seven minutes, as always. And he never left his bike on the grass like that, he always has to use the kickstand or his OCD goes crazy.

“C-Can I come in?” He pleaded. He resembled a sad puppy dog that desperately needed attention at the moment. Richie nodded and Stan threw himself on the couch, trying so hard to hold back tears they both knew were coming.

Richie awkwardly took a seat by him and placed his hand on Stan’s back. “What’s going on, Stan?” He asked, concern lining his face as he looked Stan in the eyes. Richie wasn’t the best with friendly affection in times like these; he only knew how to be with Eddie in his vulnerable times. Even if Stan was his best friend, he’d never seen his guard let down his guard this much. “Oh c’mon now, Stanny boy you can’t start crying or we’ll both be crying.” He smiled lightly, trying to make Stan reciprocate but getting nothing.

“Bowers…” He breathed, then began to cry again.

Richie jumped up, prepared to grab the first aid kit Eddie kept here. Not that he’d know what to do with it, but he could always try. “Shit. Are you hurt?” Stan shook his head and Richie sat back down, trying his best to comfort him. “What happened?” He asked in the most soothing and sympathetic voice Trashmouth Tozier could possibly choke out.

Stan took in a deep watery breath. “He called me a queer… and a fag. And told me I deserved to die like Adrian Mellon.”

“Mellon?” He asked.

“You know… the gay guy that got murdered.”

Richie gulped. “I’m sorry, Stan… but I mean, you’re obviously not, right?” He chuckled a little at the thought, before turning to see Stan’s completely stoic face. Richie wiped the smile off his own face very quickly. “Stan…, w-why didn’t you tell us?” Richie was completely shell-shocked. His own best friend couldn’t say what Richie hadn’t even had to to the Losers. Richie just showed up holding Eddie’s hand one day and never let go, telling anyone who had a problem with it to suck his dick.

“I don’t know,” He confessed, looking down at his hands. “I… was afraid.”

Richie laughed out loud without meaning to. “Stanley, do you even know how gay Eddie and I are? C’mon now. The only problem we’d have is competing to out-gay each other.”

Stan let out a small giggle under his breath, a rarity for whenever Richie made a joke around him. “You know what? You’re not so bad, Tozier.”

Richie felt a pang of anxiousness and guilt in his chest as he realized he was smiling at Stan the way he smiled at Eddie. He quickly shoved the thought away. “You aren’t so bad yourself, Stanley Urine.” He found himself saying, causing the boys to crack up.

Stan looked up at Richie with huge blue eyes, not expressing sadness anymore. No, it was something more… something Richie was used to seeing in Eddie’s big brown eyes. But Richie wasn’t thinking about Eddie.

In one swift motion, Richie swooped in and his lips were suddenly on Stanley’s. Stan’s heart was beating out of his chest as his lips collided with Richie’s over and over again. Richie felt a wave of guilt overcome him, only to be replaced by excitement. He knew how Eddie’s lips tasted, how his body wriggled beneath him, how his gasps and moans would sound in his ear. But he didn’t know any of this about Stan. He’d never imagined it before, but now he kind of wished he had.

They were horizontal on the living room couch, Richie on top of Stan, Stan’s fingers running wildly through Richie’s knotted hair. Richie didn’t care if he left hickeys on Stan’s ivory neck; it was just begging to be stained by Richie’s chapped lips. Wait, what am I doing? Richie thought urgently, remembering the boy at home, probably puffing on his aspirator and waiting for Richie to call anxiously.

He broke away from Stan and tore himself off of him, standing up. “Holy fuck! This is bad. This is really bad. We did not just fucking do that shit!” Richie started pacing, his thoughts racing and not slowing down anytime soon.

Stan stood up and put his arms around Richie, causing him to recoil at Stanley’s gentle touch. “Hey,” He said softly. “It’s okay.”

Richie looked him in the eyes, as if for confirmation that he wasn’t the world’s biggest asshole at the moment. Somehow, against all the goddamn odds, he found it in Stan’s eyes.

“What Eddie doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

So this continued. For days. For weeks. For months on end. Richie would ditch Eddie at study hall for Stan, finding an empty classroom where he could leave even more hickeys on his neck, which none of the Losers suspected the culprit to even be a boy, let alone Richie. They didn’t ask many questions, they just laughed about it once in a while when a new hickey would appear, which was often.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Richie would breathe between kisses.

“Then why do your lips keep finding their way back to mine?” Stan would smirk back, causing them to lunge into even more hungry kisses.

Richie caught himself smiling between kisses. He never did that with Eddie anymore. Yes, he loved Eddie. He loved Eddie more than anything, that was true. But there was something about Stanley that Richie just couldn’t resist.

He loved it. He loved the rush of almost getting caught, the small flutter in his heart when the Losers mentioned to Stan whoever she was was a lucky girl, or when Eddie asked where Richie had been and Richie makes up some story and Eddie looks as if he almost doesn’t believe him. Richie loved the excitement.

Eddie had noticed something was… off. Something was wrong with his boyfriend, but he couldn’t tell you exactly what it was. Eddie noticed how he stopped meeting him behind the gym during study hall, and how he gave Stan a ride home after school instead of smoking with Beverly after he drove Eddie home. Which was fine, Eddie knew Richie had his own life and was allowed to have friends, and Eddie thought it was great that him and Stan were keeping up their best friendship status. That is, until he knew the truth.

It was a cool April day in Derry, and Richie drove Eddie home today, which made Eddie very happy since it was a seldom occurrence nowadays. Beverly was doing homework in the library with Ben so Richie wasn’t going to smoke today, which made Eddie even happier. All he cared about was making sure Richie was happy and healthy; which made Richie feel like even more of a jackass.

“I’ll call you when I’m done with homework, okay baby?” Richie smiled sweetly, kissing Eddie on the cheek tenderly as Eddie grabbed his things and opened the door to get out of the beaten up car.

“Okay.” Eddie smiled brightly at his boyfriend, the butterflies in his stomach still raging as always when Richie did so much as to touch him.

Richie drove the rest of the way home with a guilty conscience, in complete silence. No, he was not going to do homework. Instead, he was gonna do a little Jewish boy and lie to his boyfriend who loved no one but him. Richie hated himself. But he couldn’t help himself, either.

“Richie!” Stan waved from the lawn, his bike propped up beside him on the grass.

A smile spread across Richie’s face as he turned the car off and ran to embrace Stanley. “C’mon, let’s go inside.”

They plopped down on the couch, their usual place, and began doing what they always do. Stan’s body was on Richie’s, the body heat making sweat drip down Richie’s shoulders. Stan used to think it was gross, but oddly enough, he liked the smell of it. Only when it came from Richie though. But it wasn’t like he’d ever had that with anyone else.

Stan thought maybe he might be in love with Richie Tozier. Which made him anxious. Stanley struggled with anxiety his entire life, as well as depression that popped up when he was about 13, and decided to stay. He didn’t talk about it, but everyone knew about it. Just like everyone knew Eddie was gay before he even hinted at it, or how Beverly was a child of abuse, or even Richie and his parent issues. Stan always wanted to feel wanted, and needed, and loved. Stanley Uris always wanted to belong to someone, and have them kiss away the pain and whisper that it was all gonna be okay.

Meet me in the middle of the day, let me hear you say everything’s okay. Bring me southern kisses from your room. Meet me in the middle of the night, let me hear you say everything’s alright. Let me smell the moon on your perfume… The song echoed in Stan’s head as he felt the other boy’s lips give him confirmation that Stanley was capable of feeling happiness, which he hadn’t previously believed for a long time.

I can and I will be happy, He thought. With Richie.

But no, he couldn’t. Of course not. Because Richie was in love with Eddie, everyone could see how in love they always had been, even before they could see it themselves. Stan was hopelessly falling for Richie, and he knew he couldn’t have him. This isn’t a movie, Stanley. No matter how this ends, it’s gonna be bad. Probably for you.

Eddie thought it was a little weird that Richie didn’t want to do homework together like they always did. He seemed to want to be alone a lot lately, if he wasn’t with Stan. He was worried. Maybe his dad had said something that got to him, or maybe his suicidal thoughts had come back, or maybe he was hurting himself again, or maybe-

“Maybe I’ll just give him a call,” He whispered to himself and the empty kitchen, picking up the phone and dialing the Tozier household.

The ringing of the phone interrupted Stan and Richie, and Stan pulled away for a brief moment. “Let it ring,” Richie whispered seductively, grabbing Stan’s face eagerly and yanking it down to kiss him once more.

Eddie waited until he couldn’t just let it go on anymore and sighed to himself. Worrying was what Eddie Kaspbrak did best, and of course he was worried about Richie. He decided to pack up his school bag and head over to Richie’s anyway, maybe he’d be able to study with him a little.

Richie and Stan continued on the couch, unbothered. Richie had torn Stan’s shirt off, a little too eagerly, Stan thought, and Richie was down to his boxers. They didn’t think twice about Stan’s bike plainly left on the front lawn, nor about the door being unlocked. Until Eddie walked in.

“R-Richie? Stan?” Eddie’s incredulous voice rose from the silence.

The boys broke apart instantaneously, Stan shooting up so fast it made his head spin. Richie ran up to Eddie, who backed away from him. “Eddie! It’s not-”

“Not what it looks like?” Eddie finished for him. Hot tears welled up in his eyes now and threatened to stream down his face. “Of course it’s what it fucking looks like! Of course it is, Richie!” He turned to Stan, mortified. “And you, Stan? I thought we were friends!”

“We are friends, Eddie!” Stan’s voice cracked as he rushed to put his shirt back on.

“No! Friends don’t fucking do this to each other!” He finally broke, falling to the floor on his knees and covering his face in his hands as he sobbed. “How long?” He spat out in a defeated voice.

“What?” Richie whimpered, tears rolling down his face as well.

“How fucking long, Richie? How long have you been fucking him?” Eddie screamed, his face turning redder by the second.

The two boys stayed silent as Eddie wept. There was nothing to say. They all knew the unspoken answer, clear as day. Eddie just had never dreamed that’s what they spent all their time together doing. Because Richie would never hurt him; no, not his Richie.

“I don’t even know who you are, anymore.” Eddie regained his breath solidly and stood up, pointing an angry finger at Richie. “You’re not the fucking person I fell in love with. Not even fucking close.”

Richie gulped audibly, trying to come up with anything to say. All Richie knew was that now was not a time for jokes. “I-I’m sor-” He started, his voice cracking.

“You’re sorry?” Eddie huffed. “Sorry? You just broke my fucking heart, Richie! Just fucking smashed it to pieces!” Eddie began to cry again, and Richie inched closer to put his arm around him.

Eddie smacked his arm away. “No!” He shrieked, tears overflowing his tear ducts and dropping generously to the floor. “Do not fucking touch me!”

“But Eddie, I love you!” Richie shouted, lunging forward to pull Eddie into a hug.

Eddie then did the very thing he swore he’d never do. He slapped Richie Tozier straight across the face, and the three gasped as they heard the sickening smack that echoed throughout the empty house. Richie clutched his now burning red cheek with his hand, and Eddie leaned down to whisper, “Yeah, I used to love you too, Trashmouth.”

With that, Eddie was gone.

#awkward #richy writes #beep beep richy #reddie #reddie fic #reddie cheating #stozier #stozier fic #it #it 2017 #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #stan uris #stanley uris

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riproarrude-blog · 7 years

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Receipts

So, here’s my receipts post for kob featuring his cronies. Really, the big one for all of them is the pedo apologizing bullshit, because, tbh, I haven’t interacted with any of them in a memorable way, so I’d really have to dig through stuff if I wanted to find posts the others have responded to in their own words. For the most part, they just agree with kob and all his shitty opinions and sit in his back pocket whenever he has to pull the “I have minority friends” trap card out. As though minorities can’t also be toxic to each other (see; the current state of the queer community)

Pedophilia Apologizing

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164081508615/darkvioletcloud-rwbycrit-riproarrude#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164077458930/mageknight14-takashi0-darkvioletcloud

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164076260355/mageknight14-darkvioletcloud-rwbycrit

http://blakegdiamond.tumblr.com/post/164939080335/rabbittiddy-theshynekotaru-rabbittiddy

These posts are full of kob and co defending the right to ship minors in explicit relationships with adults by saying things like, “They’re older teenagers.” “Anyone that’s affected by it is stupid and/or fragile and it’s ultimately their fault.” “These people don’t actually exist.” They also defend it by trying to bring up other ways that pedophiles groom children as though equating policing the glorification of adult/minor relationships somehow means that the solution to stopping the other bad stuff is going to be exactly the same. They also equate guns to pedo ships, as though guns aren’t tools designed with the sole purpose of killing things.

Furthermore, they try to discredit anti-pedophiles by calling them fascists, a classic attempt at making the oppressed seem like the oppressor. This is a common theme among this group.

These posts are all reblogged and agreed with by mageknight, rainbowloli, the original post is made by darkvioletcloud, all of whom continue to defend the ‘right’ to ship explicit relationships between a minor and an adult.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164821411335/iolanthepeverells-traumadic-but-the-age-of

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163660995700/fucking-sick-of-pedophilia-in-the-animation?is_related_post=1

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164125905725/im-going-point-out-a-few-things

(Warning, middle link is super long)

In these posts, he uses the age of consent to argue that it’s okay to sexualize and have sex with minors. He clings to the use of ephebophilia, defining it as attraction to someone that is going through puberty, something he says is 15-19, and that because they could have knowledge of sex, they’re old enough to consent. He also says that the mind cannot comprehend sex until puberty.

Fun Fact: Girls usually hit puberty about 11 years of age, but can go through it as early as 6 or 7. Boys typically will go start puberty at 9, but can go through it as young as 7.

He also tries to say that ephebophilia is a better word because it makes people stop and think, which is true, but all it does is mask the true nature of the situation. Sexualization of/wanting to have sex with people that are not yet adults by adults. Equating the age of consent with the age of majority does nothing to change what the reality is.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164843599510/mageknight14-knightofbalance-13#notes

Not only does he continue to use ephebophilia in a bid to further soften the stigma of an adult having sex with a minor, but he defends nazis and homophobes by saying that the words mean less because it’s thrown around on the internet. Sad to say that an adult that wants to have sex with a minor is fucking scum. If we can’t agree on a name for it, then let’s just call it what it is.

And his example here, of a 19 year old that’s been dating a sixteen year old is just as bad. Because they would have started dating when they were 14 and 17. So why is a high school junior dating someone in middle school? Also, way to tell a CSA survivor that they’re projecting. Maybe it never occurred to him that I actually know what I’m talking about when I say that a minor is still a minor and an adult is still an adult.

Suicide Baiting

https://rwbyfan18.tumblr.com/post/158128562895/more-hopeless-than-romantic-i-dont-understand?is_related_post=1#notes

https://rwbyfan18.tumblr.com/post/158128206060/i-wanted-to-thank-you-for-your-insightful-rwde?is_related_post=1#notes

https://rwbyfan18.tumblr.com/post/158649725205/checkmate#notes

Here’s the proof of kob trying to bait people into telling him to kill himself. This is one of his alt accounts, of which we can confirm 5, commenting on posts with things like, “Death to KOB.” and “Should just shoot himself.” Then equating a single person being a dick to an entire group of totally unrelated people, as though every single person that used the rwde tag decided to suicide bait him. Also, ignoring the fact that the person was told off.

Bonus:

https://rwbyfan18.tumblr.com/post/157888505200/mageknight14-knightofbalance-13-rwbyfan18?is_related_post=1

https://rwbyfan18.tumblr.com/post/158132853810/dreams-of-atlantis-mageknight14-this-way-we#notes

https://rwbyfan18.tumblr.com/post/157891224415/knightofbalance-13-rwbyfan18#notes

Arguing with himself, using the f-slur and implying mk is his boyfriend as an insult.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/158720578340/dreams-of-atlantis-knightofbalance-13

Confirming the creation of the rwbyfan18 blog and that mageknight was in on the whole thing, so just as guilty.

https://shadecritic.tumblr.com/

https://shadecritic2.tumblr.com/

https://shadecritic3.tumblr.com/

https://shadecritic4.tumblr.com/

Other alt accounts. Further numbers are password protected soooo… Maybe more?

Anti-Trans/Anti-Queer Posts

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163969249240/cryptid-milk-queer-aviculor-plasmas-king#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163977205610/hey-dude-i-know-that-with-the-trans-danny-phantom#notes

These posts tear down a trans headcanon because kob didn’t like the tone of the OP. Then he said that people that come up with trans headcanons are living a lie and depressing and hurting themselves. Then he outright says they can’t have those headcanons because they’ll attack the creators if it doesn’t happen.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/162758893475/trans-aoi-knightofbalance-13-trans-aoi

Here he tries to tear down another trans headcanon by, again, intimating that the OP would attack creators because he’d seen it happen before. He also continually insists that a trans woman is actually a man because they were assigned male at birth.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163897837605/literallynoonecares-riproarrude

Here he is defending the ‘Man in a dress/skirt is hilarious” trope.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163391321190/we-all-are

This one, wow. Just, whew, it starts out bad and homophobic and gets worse and racist.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163391384950/siryouarebeingmocked-rametarin

Reblogging a post that mocks queer headcanons.

This one I only found a screenshot for, but he refers to a trans woman as a “wo-man”, implying that she’s not actually a woman or that she’s a fake woman.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/158894776535/i-feel-a-need-to-apologize-to-about-90-of-the

Here he says that he hopes RWBY doesn’t get an LGBT character because he’s sick of seeing ‘bullshit surrounding it’.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/165047091260/being-queer-is-not-a-sign-of-quality#notes

Here he is telling a trans person that they can’t be offend by a transphobic joke.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164607506805/ula-star-memezeek-odinoco-jealousies

Regardless of whether you agree with the person, here he is saying “Get over your heterophobia.”

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/162872824450/the-fag-joke-in-camp-camp

Defending a joke that uses the f-slur

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164864011335/skybreakerpony-mojave-wasteland-official#notes

Like, I get it, but here’s using the f-slur again and also using the mirror defense

Defending Nazis

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164984400875/alexxdz-trilllizard420-supersoftly#notes

Here he says he doesn’t trust anyone that uses nazi as an insulting term, referencing the post below.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164945125885/knightofbalance-13-mageknight14-celticpyro#notes

This post here is taking a man who orchestrated the mass murder of 12 million Jews and saying, “Everyone has the capacity for good and evil.” A post like this is terrible because humanizing someone like that means that you soften the blow of the atrocities they committed by putting it on the same level as other ‘bad people’. This is not something that is morally gray, this is not something to be looked back on and say, ”Well, the man who did it was human, just like you and me.” This is a warning, because people like Hitler do not deserve to have ‘both sides’ looked at. There should be no one rational who can sympathize with the monster. Defending it by saying that those who disagree can’t “see the complexities in the world” is just another way to soften the actions of a mass murderer.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164973127735/all-or-nothing-thats-how-rights-work?is_related_post=1

In this post here he defends not punching nazis which, sure, maybe you don’t feel like it’s ethical to punch people. However, he says that maybe nazis aren’t really nazis because the word gets thrown around a lot on the internet. He also says that, ““We should fight the Nazis” translate into the real world as “We should attack anyone we don’t like/who disagrees with us.” AKA FAICISM”. That’s word for word there, folks.

Then there’s the exchange where the OP says, “Oh no! That person is waving a flag that incites ethnic cleansing.” To which kob replies, “Oh no, that person doesn’t automatically confirm my political bias.” As though people waving a nazi flag don’t advocate for ethnic cleansing. Then he defends their right to spread their violent message by invoking Freedom of Speech. At the bottom, he straight up defends neo-nazis, saying things like, “Some might have been tricked into it.”. It’s truly amazing.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164864942625/basicconstant15-knightofbalance-13#notes

This post is about the UN telling America that it should curb some of it’s freedom of speech in order to protect against a nazi threat. Kob is against that, of course, because nazis should be allowed to have a platform to spew a violent rhetoric and call for ethnic cleansing.

Just all the Racism Stuff

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163935557185/httpssokumotanakatumblrcompost163928898054r#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/165014660630/httppassivefantumblrcompost165003236606i-fe#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/159862818245/white-fang-are-freedom-fighterswell-were

Here he is comparing BLM to a fictional terrorist group. Ft some shade thrown at the Black Panthers. The top link, by the way, has many alt right sites as his sources.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163960564185/celticpyro-offensive-humor-plays-on-stereotypes#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163376735460/okay-listen-we-need-to-have-a-talk-jokes-about

Defending stereotype humor, despite the fact that stereotypes are incredibly harmful and continuing to enforce that kind of humor normalizes bigotry. He says not to get upset over off color jokes, that if you don’t find it funny, that it’s not meant for you. Off color jokes aren’t meant for rational people, they’re meant for bigots.

http://delvindeep.tumblr.com/post/161096582969/racism-is-not-morally-greyeven-if-said-racism#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/165055210525/with-the-whole-ilia-breaking-the-girls-teeth#notes

Here’s some posts saying/implying that racism is morally gray. The back and forth with Delvin is particularly enlightening.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/161934909190/these-are-not-your-negroes

This whole thing. Equating the OP with Jim Crow laws

Bonus Terrible Posts:

http://delvindeep.tumblr.com/post/161675748559/mageknight14-delvindeep-mageknight14#notes

I’m not linking mageknight directly because he has a shitty autoplay blog, but here he is using an ableist slur

http://xenodweeb.tumblr.com/post/164487194772/gaylobos-ula-star-knightofbalance-13

Here’s ulastar using an autistic screeching meme, very ableist

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163707306585/writemachinebroke-interesting-that-a-show-thats

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163877669550/mageknight14-joekewlio

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/158950439920/httpepsilon-betatumblrcompost158938989555de

Have yourself some sexism.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163245849215/httpdudebladetumblrcompost163245358311sokum

“censor people and want to live your echo chamber and have everyone listen and praise you “ indeed

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163183846370/keyhollow-justmyantifeministtrash#notes

I’ll just label this as anti-feminist? Because sexism/racism/transphobia/fatphobia/ableism…. It’s just too long to list it all

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/162849924165/assholefromtheabyss-cheshireinthemiddle

More anti-feminism

So, there’s a great big chunk of stuff about how shitty and awful kob and his friends, but mostly kob, are. Like I said, I really don’t interact with the others too much, but pedophilia is my volcano button and every damn one of them agreed that it’s okay. You know, so long as they’re at least 15.

I honestly haven’t even gotten to everything, either. I haven’t interacted with kob lately, although I do still see him on my dash, which is why I’m finally putting this post up. I have all of his cronies blocked, I have all of the alts blocked that I know about. Honestly, not having to deal with people like this is pretty freeing. It was one thing to argue about the plotline of a cartoon, it’s a whole other things when they start reblogging gun propaganda and anti islamic posts featuring uncensored photos of hangings and death(which I’m not going to link because it’s gross, but tl;dr it’s about how the Middle East is anti lgbt).

All that being said, I’d like to once again urge anyone who sees him to block him. If we work together, we can cut the head off this snake.

#kob #receipts #rwde user bullshit

136 notes · View notes

lamecakes · 5 years

Text

With all the barrage of slants and critiques and shaming and insults and defamation and just all around hate she’s been sharing with the workd in attacking me is really starting to make me want to do her the favor of putting this bullet in my skull. I’m sorry I hurt you so badly and am such a “fag,” or whatever it’s is you’re trying to say about me. I never knew you hated me so much and reading all your accounts of my awfulness is confirming all the insecurities I have about myself. You could of just told me all these things like an adult just to me but instead you’re graciously bullying me on the internet and enjoying it. Like was I never anything good to you? I thought you loved me and everything was good But then you see my cousins faggy gf and now weeks later you’ve broken up with indirectly, broken my heart and ripped apart our love for fun or whatever it is you’re doing it for. Did I Really never bring you to an orgasm? Did you really lie to me about everything for five years just so you could murder my heart when you felt ready? Im not sorry I’ve grown insecure and untrusting of you this last year. I used to trust you completely and then you tell me you’ve cheated on me twice and even laughed about it to my face to impress your loose two faced “friend,” who btw was only using you for a couch to sleep on not actually trying to be there in your time of grief. You shattered my trust in you and I’m so sorry that I’ve been so accusatory and suspicious of you being faithful since then but it was staring to go away. You kept that from me for two years and it really hurts me that you dont give me the same room to grow past it on the road to rebuilding trust. I listened to you and comforted you and held you for hours and hours for a countless amount of nights when you were having depressive episodes and now it’s like you’ve completely forgotten how much I care about you and my love for you. Im the first person in your life who cared about your sexuall desires and wanted to eat you out. You’re the most beautiful and charming woman in the entire universe and It’s so fucking awful that you can’t see what I see in you. I’m nowhere even remotely close to being a perfect person and partner and I’ve made so many mistakes our relationship but what I did have was the intent and willingness to learn from the mistakes and wrong I’ve done. I’m not saying that you’re not going to find a better partner or lover. Even more so now reading about how unhappy you were with me. I know I’ve hurt you with my carelessness but I had no clue I’d been entirely damaging to your well being. I feel sick to my stomach and chest feels like it’s going to collapse. It’s getting worse and worse and I’m losing what little self worth I did have reading about your feeling of me. If you wanted to me to know how horrible I am I’d say you’re doing a fine job Casey.

I despise myself for thinking I tried my best to be good to you. I’m so ashamed I thought we’d be together for ever, its debilitating to know how I truly horrible i made you feel. The fact you don’t feel safe to even talk to me anymore is reason enough I should loose this delusional idea that I was ever anything but an abusive waste of flesh, scurge, blight, laughable excuse for a real man, alcoholic, drug addict, undeserving, insecure, shitty, Lousy fuck, worst dick, who never had a clue you hated him so completely until your public service campaign, righteously humiliating me and helping everyone and mostly me know that I’m such a fucking joke and wast of a human life.

I really feel like death is a reasonable option for me to make. I thought we were happy together and our issues were mendable. I don’t want another lover. I don’t want a new horse. I want you @bridgett-colehammer but I see now that you’re really leaving and moving on from our relationship. Our relationship was the most precious and dearest thing to my heart. You’re everything to me (song reference unintentional) and my love for you is and always will be unconditional since the moment we met in the back of that red smelly corrola those self assured, college educated, *alternative kids* with Nuclear families and choice support systems*** were matter of factually driving us down to sandbridge on the 9th of July 2014. I’m glad you enjoyed my t-shirt choice. I hope you know I was being sincere in saying your vomiting wasn’t the slightest bit off putting c: we shared the best peach 🍑 I’ll ever have in my life, in the rain storm, at that farmers market leaving the beach headed to “Ramon’s House.” All The elation and serendipitous quality’s of that day came to a head on the front stoop of that apartment building. How entirely complete I felt, when we agreed to tell each other how we felt ; that gesture was without a doubt the best experience of my life (hands down!) Casey do you still recall that day? I actually pray to any and all gods that on that day, you at least felt safe enough to say how you truly felt 🌸

It’s heart shattering and I feel a total hopelessness That I have never felt before. I don’t intend to ever feel this way again. Casey I am truly so sorry I’ve destroyed so much of your emotional stock and been at the expense of your maturing cells. I love you. Maybe I’ll be a good person again one day, but hopefully if I do won’t be completely unaware and wrong about who I am and the worth of my person

0 notes

chimericarchitect · 7 years

Text

gallionicTrickster 2

-- gallionicTrickster [GT] began trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 20:24 --

[08:24] GT: limey

[08:24] TS: yeah, assfag?

[08:25] GT: your gay

[08:25] GT: that is all

[08:25] TS: FACT

[08:26] TS: For more facts, sign up at EATMYASS.GOV

[08:26] GT: ew hell no

[08:27] GT: your ass probobly tastes like limeade

[08:27] GT: mixed with ass

[08:27] TS: yeah. facts are gross.

[08:27] GT: and lowblood shit

[08:27] TS: pff

[08:27] TS: noice

[08:27] GT: noice as fuck broskey

[08:27] TS: Broskey

[08:27] TS: u ghey

[08:28] GT: not as ga as aV

[08:29] TS: Me too though. Champions of Ghey, aV and I. You could be too, if only you were GREEN

[08:29] GT: im basically green

[08:29] GT: with envy

[08:29] TS: or vomit

[08:30] GT: of how simple your retard lives are

[08:30] TS: yep. vom

[08:30] TS: compare your lowly self to my mighty form

[08:30] TS: and tremble

[08:30] GT: my nook wasnt ready

[08:30] GT: can you fuckin tuck that shit away

[08:31] TS: It is tucked away. That's just how MIGHTY it is.

[08:31] GT: yikes

[08:31] GT: can you not

[08:31] GT: i ordered an adult like an hour ago

[08:31] GT: my waiter sucks ass

[08:32] GT: probobly cause they are a limeblood

[08:32] TS: Here is your order, Sir. Sorry for the delay.

[08:32] TS: https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s640x640/sh0.08/e35/13561562_304011619936407_1506883607_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTI4OTAxOTEzMjUyMDIxNTM2Mw%3D%3D.2

[08:32] TS: Avocado toast with bluberries

[08:33] TS: special 4 u

[08:33] GT: wow

[08:33] GT: id say that was rom antic if i wasnt so disgusted by the thought of those colors mixing

[08:34] GT: which im not

[08:34] GT: your move gay boy

[08:34] TS: bustAsickMove.exe

[08:34] TS: ur move assfag

[08:35] GT: bustAnevenSickermove.exe

[08:35] TS: oh SHIT

[08:35] GT: my body is ready

[08:35] TS: MY HUSKTOP CANNOT HANDLE THE INTENSITY OF THIS SICK MOVE

[08:36] GT: thats cause lowblood get shit pc's

[08:36] TS: tru

[08:36] TS: bet yours is clogged with pics of lowblood BULGE tho

[08:36] GT: come to my hive and experience the granduer of being part of a tyranical oligarchy

[08:36] GT: so much lowblood bulge

[08:37] GT: all of it in fact

[08:37] TS: o hellllllll no blu boi

[08:37] TS: i just got my ass waxed

[08:37] TS: lowblood shit is wack

[08:38] GT: mad wack

[08:38] TS: MadWackingIt.jpeg

[08:39] GT: thats lewd

[08:39] GT: i aprove

[08:39] TS: yep

[08:39] TS: ok hang on

[08:39] TS: here's somethin youre gonna like

[08:44] TS: https://78.media.tumblr.com/da81750fe3cd3b5648328783b234a6fc/tumblr_owrmd6NmU21wcqdpto1_1280.png

[08:44] TS: On the house

[08:45] GT: looks like it tastes like cock

[08:45] GT: PEAcock

[08:45] GT: badum tis

[08:45] TS: holy shit

[08:45] TS: ImpressivePun.png

[08:45] GT: holy shit

[08:46] GT: EasilyImpressed.gif

[08:46] TS: like dis?

[08:46] TS: https://i.makeagif.com/media/10-26-2014/exoIzn.gif

[08:47] GT: yeah that basically what i think of everytime i say anything to any of you lowblood fags

[08:48] TS: snooty booty

[08:48] TS: that's ur name now assfag

[08:48] GT: pfffft

[08:48] GT: i aint even

[08:48] GT: you ever try talking to a clown

[08:48] TS: no?

[08:48] GT: those guys are high as fuck

[08:48] TS: how high?

[08:48] TS: AreYouMAdCuzUrShort.exe

[08:49] GT: yeah pretty much

[08:49] TS: Me too, buddy. Me too.

[08:49] GT: seadwellers are massice cunts

[08:49] GT: like

[08:49] GT: legit cunts

[08:50] GT: not like me

[08:50] GT: well

[08:50] GT: kinda like me

[08:50] GT: except like

[08:50] GT: 100 times more cunty

[08:50] TS: Maybe that's why they live in the water. Because they're wet and salty.

[08:50] GT: yeah like my nook

[08:50] TS: YIKES.png

[08:51] GT: im a degenerate

[08:51] GT: my house is a giant bucket

[08:51] GT: its still overflowing

[08:51] TS: oh lord jegus

[08:51] TS: is THAT why u wanted me to come over?

[08:51] GT: the drones get scared when they make the rounds

[08:51] GT: lol no

[08:52] GT: i wanted you to come see retards try to open a front door thats actually a wall

[08:52] GT: im watching it on camera 6 right now

[08:52] GT: they dumb as hell

[08:52] TS: Don't lie. You just want me to clean your shit.

[08:52] TS: I don't pick up corpses.

[08:53] GT: man i just fill buckets with blood and give it to the drones anyway

[08:53] GT: not like they can tell the difference

[08:53] GT: system broken

[08:53] GT: ezpz

[08:53] TS: TopKek.gif

[08:53] GT: RareTrollPepe.png

[08:54] TS: Mai Lawd an Saveyur

[08:54] GT: wtf are you even saying retard

[08:54] GT: nvm i decoded it

[08:55] GT: with my vaqstly superior intellect

[08:55] TS: it was almost too much for you, huh?

[08:55] GT: yeah

[08:55] GT: i hear thast alot

[08:55] TS: ^_^

[08:55] GT: your gay as shit

[08:55] TS: You bet your blue raspberry bootycheeks I am

[08:56] GT: sempai pls

[08:56] GT: calm down sempai im not ready yet

[08:56] TS: no

[08:57] TS: spred them lIKE BUTTER

[08:57] TS: on my AVOCADO TOAST

[08:57] GT: i must obey my lowblood superior

[08:57] GT: its the law

[08:58] TS: -chokes on ur massive ego-

[08:58] TS: -and mine-

[08:58] TS: -at the same time-

[08:58] GT: do you wanna touch egos bro?

[08:58] GT: its not gay if its in private

[08:59] TS: If that ain't the gayest shit I ever did hear

[08:59] TS: with my own two vibration catchers

[08:59] TS: then I have never heard a word

[09:00] GT: sounds about right

[09:00] TS: Sorry, I can't hear you. Is that gay or am I deaf?

[09:00] GT: both

[09:00] TS: DUN DUN

[09:00] TS: SuspenseReleased.gif

[09:01] GT: i hear cerulean bulge can cure that

[09:01] TS: holy fuck

[09:01] TS: You're back on your bullshit, I see

[09:01] GT: yeah pretty much

[09:01] TS: LonelyAssFag.jpeg

[09:01] GT: its EveryDayBro.exe

[09:01] TS: we should start a clan

[09:02] GT: yeah

[09:02] GT: call it lonely gay boys.com

[09:02] TS: Perfect. it will be for the most pathetic and lonely.

[09:02] GT: yeah

[09:02] GT: like me

[09:02] GT: i am top notch gaytard supreme

[09:03] GT: no one challenges my dryness

[09:03] TS: Get urself a seadweller. I hea they MoistBois.png

[09:03] GT: ew no

[09:03] GT: i hate seafood

[09:03] TS: fish filet

[09:04] GT: those guys are always up to something fishy

[09:04] GT: i dont trust it

[09:04] TS: you don't want the............

[09:04] TS: cod piece?

[09:04] GT: fuck

[09:04] GT: i cant compete

[09:04] GT: these memes are off the dankospectrum

[09:05] TS: Oh shit. My dankometer broke. How high on the dankospectrum AREwe??

[09:05] GT: danker than SmokeWeedEverday-d-Day.png

[09:06] GT: its gone past lime and jade

[09:06] GT: its like

[09:06] GT: fuschia levels of dank

[09:06] GT: unacceptable

[09:06] TS: Oh. My. LORDLY. COCKWRANGLER. I do NOT want to get locked up for this violation of dank safety regulations.

[09:07] TS: Put on your helmet, tardo and buckle your McFuckin belt

[09:07] GT: ok

[09:07] TS: TailspinInitiate.exe

[09:08] TS: CrashAndBurn.gif

[09:08] TS: HuffRubble.jpeg

[09:08] GT: ok

[09:08] TS: yo

[09:08] GT: ok

[09:08] TS: Yo

[09:08] GT: ok~

[09:08] TS: YO

[09:09] GT: yes dadi~

[09:09] TS: no

[09:09] GT: ok

[09:09] TS: YOOOOOO

[09:09] GT: fuck your easily amused

[09:10] TS: Or easily agitated. Hard to tell through a husktop, yeha?

[09:10] GT: how dare you

[09:10] GT: i feel threatended

[09:10] GT: dont speak to me or my lusus ever again

[09:11] GT: come over anytime ><3

[09:13] TS: hopy shiz

[09:14] TS: don't eat any corpses before dessert

[09:14] GT: yikes

[09:15] GT: i signed up for some bad times

[09:16] TS: yeah, maybe later.

[09:16] TS: gtg

@gallionictrickster

#@gallionicTrickster #chat log #teivel pravum #ooc

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the-firebird69 · 5 years

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Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Almost Cut My Hair (Extended Version)

talkin talking and talking macs tisk tisk. you don't live in reality. your life is a lie your movies your astronauts telescopes intel data and witnesses areall on meth or saccharin or drugs and your tbi lets you laze around,due to nothing happening as you say.

and you stick your fag expressions in my face out of absolute arrogance having not eer returned from any other place having gotten here recently. makes no sense. none. bluf or no we need adefinitive answer. when your all gone we shall have it.

a wall is up tons knew and know. lots blame you and yours some us. no mater whose it is we flood. makesno sense...but that tons don't know and you let them die. send them off hiding the truth holding their dollars telling on them all the time. noteven used as a threat...norproper burial. just whores for a hope you have no intel on at all. and the northwill be ours. and you will all be dead.

we have confidence in our system here now. it is smooth. he ironed out some detailes but we had it. now have it tight. and it is good he said to thought we mayexperience influx we did. and you missed all our shows to sit nd yell like mr handshit on is lazy boy or sofa...losers really.

it is a joke you took trump a wrker nd ruined him. as you do all yours ghwb and buried him with stupid stuff. and now you work our son so we hit you your useless.we chopped you in half again and you cannot feel it. after tonight you will. your government gone you will know it. and feel it. no to this yes to that mb to this no more your on your own. and we know we can get him stuff.

f off means just that in English. youwant to torture us with our own systems and comm so you will eat it now. fools. and you will fail in every endeavor and sit grinning like fat idiots. moronic idits. no caldera no ice. no moon. no wwiii. just a hostage you cant touch at your prime. how droll you are. and how mean. and dumb. very dumb. hilarious he says you act like really really dumb animals. no pralell yet.

tossed out all you need to control him and think it works. it wont. your outrageous w your commentstoo.

we tell ya what you do that again and your gone ok gone we send ppl after any who do that. and theircrews elsewhere

this is not McDonald or bbk drive through you did not amass a fortune to come over to me demand stuf for your paper you don't use to do anytying. and wont be used as it is mostly useless now.

retard shit you learned. demand it all the time look for a hole. is retard shit. no making one or several an on and on. just sit back watch tv demand stuf like ordering pizza. like a five yer old oh I have te phone. ridiculous. jail is much worse much mre attention

how lame. turned into retard toddlers who don't recognize the first or last math problem of the day go to bed loving yourselves cuz you can piss me off w a look or talk and think its great, wake up in a vat. for real. get eaten for your trouble.

lame.

and you need to die for the reasons he outlined out loud. useless.

no army of yours no forceto do squat to Kaiju no reason to live but him or not him. and no goal but to put yourselves down and up. wierdos. nopower means no power soft or other. did you think of that....Thor disables devices here all the time. walks in with Harvester and out. and I is his season will be here tonight to roust you fag tourists into leaving. and idiot old shits.

so cheap I hate all of you. and tommy should have fig it out this tommy.

we are too cheap w him that is true way way way off. that is a fact,and it is the fag bja for sure women and etc. but we let it happen and it did. and he is right it is a working persns job not trump or veepand not sheepish macs who rest ontheir lauruls and count o their shitty lame act. it is puke all day all night and in this area is death, ankelasouris all around, he is beat tired and all the time eats cks pulse and face look and eyes and fears the worst so teeth and feet and all the stuff we did bt bwe became invincible nd die of old age. th place is meant for it.

and im telling it ike it is

nobody does well here if they were isolated sure but this cock sucking stuff and fag and queer and all te horny shit and fag shit and big fuck shit is horrible, and you Justin arethe worst shrink shit....shrink to nothing. and macs moron shit pur more on. and we see the stuff he talks about and no force on earth can stop it so what is it not you im not

Tommy Favino

you you aint me and cant fool anyon when your body is looling just like mine I had tests run. so what is it

so its a bluff perfect. ashrink and moron ass fight in the end....me and tommy can ref

Zues

no way but I do get it, you fight and wow. you talkand bja wow, nobody cares to hear It noboy I asked. it is not a show o a pln it is horror your so dumb. this is my place mresponsibity he says we have to move. apartment of tommy or other, and im stuck hard, I agree. every turn I go to stuck with your idiot ft faces in mine due to his talk. and he is a hateful being vs us and it wont stick and we may not get it, but it is for very firm reasons hard math. so you think on it there we try to move him, you want on it is fine. you last so that's ok but this dgsthit as to stop. poo all day and night has fooled nobody and you die a lot. I can tell you he pointed to it new one new onand I see it. why not then.

Tommy Favino

the way he talkwe cannot let him go.

jusin

so what you drive him to it

Tommy Favino

we pump him up and oh. ok you know too your not bill. at all really. a fag sitting here yelling kicking and shitting on himelf. nope

Zues

we hear it all day they sound ridiculous and act under diress and are n under that much so cointinue he act and have no ida what it is or where or if it is there. and keep it up. and die. the usual denial. powrerful wordstoo f off you would not know....and such, they are macs, and from a powerful cln still mac daddysher pull diminsed recently as hers died off so he is one of the mac daddys and bja. and it is crap they dole out nd it is hit you say right no h e is right. ive had I this isnot realiand I admit I was sick and ican be healed fast. yoright your a firend

wel tommy I se your point and ide and plan. this calera gone and Tallahassee is up. but isten to meit is the same shit. the two big fellas think they canmk a suepre duper weapon. the other fags who knows. im on the lam and it very dangerous ake magic work. same loser shit loser club lori was forced into.

thisis it tons new and I did nto was ill they want me to drink it away. what do we have then war oelse. nevr worksthe scoot up to greenlan. due to idiots teachings....

ok like bill lund said you look at the problem as we ar and write it down on paper, the source of actual miseray is the folks here who quit as most did from dc

reason is prb forgienrs they wont fight at all. and suck at it then blame me for them marrhingthe and being stuck to tem and they ar to blame they don't work.

really is retirement and pluggers and sneaks. there is no short cheat the underwatr world is for expers only, drilling there a miricl

hmmmm

but the worm could do it if they had fully depled ur. and leave it there if it is AI so they must have a fully depl worm.

brad

we saw it shiny silver. like coated fully depl ur like the swords and it was in brandon. theguy was elon

levon mb

we work on it tommy says. and it is real now Thor says.

#?#we sawit it is shiney silver and coated w mercury sothat Is why #he says

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yespoetry · 5 years

Text

An Interview with Joshua Byron & Chariot Birthday Wish on Queerness and Art

By Joshua Byron & Chariot Birthday Wish

Editor’s Note: grammar and punctuation aesthetic have been largely preserved for authenticity and tone.

Joshua: We are chatting and checking in with each other on the 4th of July, a honeysuckled day of nostalgia, dogmatism, and fear. I recently began releasing a webseries Trans Monogamist with Alfredo Franco and Artless Media and Chariot Birthday Wish recently released his new book of poetry, hot pearl.

J: How is the weather in Philadelphia- if that's where you are now; it's so hot here in New York. I was invited to a million things but part of me just wants to try and drink some iced coffee and lay down and watch a Derek Jarman movie or something. Perform that kind of tired queerness.

I wanted to talk about your poetry, and your latest work, and also how your work maybe functions as haiku. I was reading Barthes on haiku recently who idolized haiku as a sort of perfect form. The perfect image, something that collapses time inward. And that makes me think of your work- a collapsed inward image. But also like, fun and bubbly. Effervescent.

C: It’s hot in, sticky in philadelphia, i am currently home now. were in the humid thunderstorm loop here but i dont think a storm is going to break for another few days. im going to go smoke weed on mikayla’s roof later today, other then that i've been playing katamari and drinking ice water while drawing all day.

people mention haiku to me a lot, because i write small, few word poems, with a focus on natural imagery. I honestly don’t read much haiku, and wouldn’t site it as a direct source of inspiration, or say that ive studied the form. i do think my work resonates with a similar drive and spirit of haiku though, and i hold a dear reverence for the form.

i love that quote “the perfect image” and “something that collapses time inward” my intent of form for writing poems is absolutely trying to expand a space, a moment, an emotion, memory, as wide and deep as possible with as few words as i possibly can. i really focus a lot on creating complete and whole worlds inside my poems, but its subtle because they are such small poems. my work has a lot of play in it, i think my tone of voice always has an air of play to it.

J: I think for me I think of the succinctness of your work, more so than scale. Sometimes your work even if it isn't about apocalypse, feels very tied to that, the event, the feeling, the fear, the expression of it and often I think your work has mechanical feelings in it, these references to the Matrix or like using human concepts in regards to natural things. I think a lot of some of your work that lists desires and those desires bend to human concepts, not natural ones.

I think that the bubbling of your work feels like it could go on forever, like how do you decide to end a poem or even a collection? In hot pearl or hell ship or i love you, here's a gigantic worm?

C: yes ! i think most of my work, comes from a place of constant consideration of apocalypse. And consideration of technology ! ive always been really inspired by and into sci-fi, cyberpunk ie: the matrix. i love to reference technology for sure. interweaving technology into nature and natural images, one function of that for me is about desire. desire for connection, for access. i think about texting my friends from the middle of the woods, and the simultaneous understanding of the link to earth + self, emotionally and also physically! But I also do think that technology and mechanics are a part of nature, and “the natural world.”

humans are a part of nature and we created these things. there’s this Bjork quote where she says that “You can use pro tools and still be pagan”. I’m really into the idea of using technology as tools of divination and holy connection with nature. I imagine a scene; being in moss, it’s absolute bliss, and then the connection of texting, sharing an image of moss with a friend, sharing that moment through cellular towers, and then that sneaking sense of apocalypse like earth Is going to melt.

and knowing that those moments of sharing and experiencing the absolute magic and heavenly nature of is not going to be possible anymore because humans are melting earth. I’m trying to hold all of these goods things weighted with that, the frantic fear of losing something so special. Its very cyberpunk to me. and then yeah !!!! its driven by desire! if i think of it now, a have a lot of poems that say “i want”i want so much...

with books, I usually decide on a number of pages first its very straight forward. im like okay this book is going to be 20 pages or 100 pages. with poems, if i read it and i have my emotions and vision echoed back to me, then its done ! I try to make myself cry, and I am always trying to write what I think is the perfect poem. i do try to spend a collective hour editing each poem, but usually i just know when its done. Not to be obtuse.

J: How do you think desire plays a role in the work that you do?

Your work has such striking images - things I think are (I hate this word) but striking and original. I'm thinking of even the word "hell ship" for instance or "hot pearl," the fag poem, "superintendent of the golf course," "my flowering boyhouse," and the specificity of the "i want.”

The images feel free from societal cliches and expectations, like a weaving of a fantasy world. I don't know if I have a question, I mostly just wanted to say that. It seems just very sprung from your mind, very specific. It's not that there aren't poetic traditions that predate or intertwine with yours, but I think in some ways it feels very Greek (Sappho, perhaps?) in its directness, in its wink, in its boldness.

I also wanted to hear you speak on the fag poem, it feels so essential and tears me apart.

C: i love to meditate on the feeling of desire, and feel desire. i also think that the reason i make art comes from a similar part in my emotional body as my desire. its an expression of that desire, as well as a manifestation of desire, i really long to create art and i love to make art about desire. its such a full and intricate emotion.

Recently I read a definition of “eros” as the opposite of “death wish” the antithesis of the call of the void, that eros is an absolute will to live and desire to experience. That’s the well of desire I channel my creativity through. which i think relates a lot to your mention of sappho. i read a lot of sappho, her voice and her form (specifically too how we just have fragments of her poems, and what that does to the form of her work) has something that i draw a lot of inspiration from. absolutely the way she, and other translations of greek text (ive been reading the iliad for 2 years).

i do also 100% imagine all of my poetry to take place in a specific and complete realm, in a fantasy world. that idea, of creating a whole separate place, lexicon, and memeplex was one of my first visions and drives as a poet.

the fag poem: i also started it with wanting to write "a fag anthem" which is not usually how i write poems, with a specific thesis for the poem. its an ode to faggots, a faggot declaration, but one from a place of reclamation driven by pain.

J: How do phones play a role in your life or your poetry? Your poems do include references to downloading pics of horses, or texting in the woods, or just texting or staring even. but i also wonder about the idea of writing on phones and what that means poetically and structurally.

What is your relationship to social media and Instagram? it mystifies me! you have a following and i wonder how that feels and how that is tied up in art-making, glo worm, distribution, and if it matters to you or if you have any feelings of community or fracture over how the internet works? In regards to the above, what are your thoughts on looks, or pulling looks? The politics, the aesthetics, the joys of looks? Are you pro look? Anti-look?

C: its a little trick of mine to add a reference to a phone in a poem. i think that phones are so intimate. i have an intimate relationship to my phone, and theyre magically little devices. i try to capture that magic when referencing "downloading pictures of horses" or looking at pictures of birds on your phone. thats also tied to apocalypse though, sometimes im writing from a space of thinking about animal extinction, when certain animals are gone and but we still have access to photos of them on the archive of the internet. our phones being a connection to that archive.

i love social media. i love connection ! im def in the camp of holding closer to the positives of social media, outside of my paranoia about facebook and the surveillance state and like, influencers, etc. i just want to share my art with people and reach people. it feels good to be connected with people who like my art and to be an artist. i can unpack that for hours though.

There are times when being seen, and watched by a following is overwhelming. I think there can be a tendency for people to view you just as the single dimension of what they see online. I def have an online persona, and have built an image, altho thats also complicated and confusing because that image and persona is not a lie, just a crystallization of parts of myself. but I don’t really concern myself too much with that anymore. People can see me how they want. I am highly protective of parts of myself and my life

i love looks. i got into art as a kid because i wanted to be a fashion designer. as a transsexual gay faggot virgo born the week of beauty, aesthetics are very important to me ! in that, the play and fantasy of looks are important to me. i do believe that aesthetics are empty. especially in this year of 2019. and i think holding that in mind can create buoyancy for the play of looks, of pulling a look. its about fantasy and expression. i also find power in it. recently to combat my social anxiety, ill wear elf ears to non-costume events, as it subverts my paranoia of being stared at for being a fag freak. i like giving people a reason to stare at me, a fag freak.

J: Tell me about your influences. Who gives you visions? Tell me about the knife? tell me about Keanu Reeves, the Matrix, and your celebrity icons?

C: Techno music gives me visions, the ocean gives me visions, the forest, the planets give me visions. Bjork gives me visions, Bruce Springsteen, Gregg Araki, Wong Kar Wei, Anohni, Greek mythology, Faggots and their Friends Between Revolutions, Kazuko Shiraishi, the color red, the color blue, Cocteau Twins, dream pop, pop music, Brokeback Mountain.

to me, the knife, is a perfect vision of pop +freakdom + communism + mysticism. Its apocalyptic gay communist dance music, deeply mystic lyrics. it's everything I search for in art in one project, I cannot believe the knife.

the Matrix, simply to me, is about following your destiny. to me it's about actualizing the godly calling, your godly calling, your vision for yourself. it's so virgo, bringing together the celestial and the earth.

Keanu is just so beautiful; i think it's a trans guy thing. me and him have very similar birth charts. i love my playful relationship with celebrity icons. i feel tepid to "stan" people and celebrities. Icons are false, kill your idols, blah blah blah. but its a gay thing also to have icons, and its a part of that fantasy.

J: Talk more about elf ears and giving people a reason to look at you?

C: id just rather give people something truly freaky to look out, rather than just the spectacle of my visibly trans body. its a transsexual thing for me for sure, or like informed by my medicalized trans body, modifying my body, fantasy cyborg, morphing my tool (my body)!

J: Are there any other body mods that really seem exciting?

Did you have a spiritual upbringing or have any spiritual practices now?

What does healing the earth look like to you?

What does healing self and community look like to you?

C: i love getting pierced recently..also obviously tattoos, as a tattoo artist and someone who gets tattoos. if they knew how to dick surgery good i would do that. maybe someday theyll get it. im getting top surgery this year.

i was loosely raised catholic. i do candle magic and ritualistic intention setting.

full ! communist ! revolution now ! fully paid reparations ! returning stolen land back to its people ! and high tech cleaning of the oceans, permaculture, rebuilding of the rainforests. returning Nikola Tesla’s ideas and designs back to the people.

community looks like responsibility. I’ve been thinking recently about how self healing happens with community healing, and when you put your time and heart into community, it heals your heart. I think we’re deep in a culture of individualistic healing, and it’s alienating. Workers of the world unite.

Chariot: what is your relationship to fantasy ? idle cosmopolitan, your first mini series, is full of ghosts, tarot readings, an alternate world. it felt like it was brushing against a suggestion of magic, also the way time + space is expressed in the series, it has a morphing quality. trans monogamist doesn't really carry those themes through, besides the astral projection class ( a little hint at the magic” is there still fantasy in this second work ?

J: I think for me I don't see Idle Cosmopolitan as that fantastical; how hard is it to believe a world with spirits of some kind? Even if they aren't expressed the way they are expressed in fantasy novels or TV. The everydayness of magic. For me, fantasy is similar to queerness in that it means possibility. Hope. Optimism through pain. Most fantasy is born through quests and pain, the classic Arthurian tale.

I think for me, that's the root of it. I read so much fantasy when I was kid. I was obsessed with Arthurian lore, castles, Pokemon, Digimon, the Green Knight, all of it. I think that Trans Monogamist is fantastical in some ways, I've heard Broad City described as a fantastical NYC, as has SATC and almost any show about people in NYC. So in that sense, yeah. Where every corner has people to date. And of course, while I do exist as a NB Carrie Bradshaw in real life, that concept is a sort of fantasy of its own.

C: What’s your relationship to technology and that aspect of film-making?

J: Technology worries me. I read Carceral Capitalism last summer and felt worried, as always, by the rise of surveillance and predictive policing. I think I understand why some people chose paths of craft over content, but I also don't think it's always a strict binary.

But to be fair, at a certain point you can often only know so much about one or the other. You can focus on learning more and more about craft and technology and lenses or you can focus on plot, characters, drama... Or you can do both! I just don't know that many people who end up able to do both. It's a lot of effort and time and money just to do that learning. I do think there are cracks for the light in technology to come forth. It's how we met! But I find myself often pessimistic about it. But I don't want to come across as a technology grump either. I can be modern occasionally.

C: do you think you are expressing a part your self through the main characters of your work? you act as both of them, i wonder what your relationship to self portrait is? if the self insert is significant or, how is that self insert significant to you? is it that no one else could properly portrays these characters?

J: I definitely think of my work as self-portraiture. I think part of it just that I'm making work about things that I go through, I'm making work DIY, and it can be easier (and harder) to self direct. It's also, of course, cheaper, than trying to find someone else and guide them to a place you feel deeply. I think for a while I felt uncomfortable about appearing in my own work but now I"m pretty numb to it. It just sort of feels like the kind of work that I'm making now. I think it felt required. If we're thinking of the path, we're thinking of flow, it just felt like the next step in making art.

Also, for me, it's important to make work specific and not too broad. I want to talk about what my queerness, what my life is like, and I don't want to speak for someone else at all.

C: what is your process like for writing, and editing your video work? you're a workaholic right? can you talk about that process ? your relationship to that?

J: I am such a workaholic. I mean we are doing writing work on the 4th of July!! I have three projects in different stages right now. Video work is usually much more collaborative. There's a free fall element to not having all the control. It's scary and it's also how I push myself to not be a total control freak and to push myself to be a better artist. I do believe in community and collaboration I just also have an intense drive to sort of speed through things and make and create and there's certainly an element of capitalism that has infused me with needing to DO things. It's not my best quality!

But it also is a strength. I like to create! And sometimes that urge is so strong that sometimes I do need to do things alone. I think it's important to balance collaborative work with solo work, you need outlets! So sometimes I write alone, sometimes I don't. My video work often involves at least 16 people in the cast. And Trans Monogamist was all about co writing and co starring with Alfredo Franco and having Artless Media being such a big guiding and production force.

C: What’s your relationship to tropes and pop?

J: I think I love tropes, astrology, SATC quizzes, all of those kinds of things. I think the boxes we fit in or don't fit in both do and don't speak about our personhood. Sometimes we put too much stock into them, sometimes too little.

Queer tropes of course are such a fundamental part of online queer culture and also can be so toxic but also very healing! I think the way queer culture fractures and floats online definitely influences my work, but I try to engage playfully. There are things in queer online culture I feel serious about- in terms of supporting funds that support black trans woman or fundraisers for surgeries. But in terms of other queer iconographies and categories I try to just absorb and play. I think little of my online presence has to do with replicating those memes or ideas.

If anything it's about crafting my own identity that picks apart at random things like Carrie, an occasional look. Trans Monogamist definitely skates around and jokes a lot about types of gays while also recognizing that RIver is their own type of gay and while River jokes about hating gay graphic designers or art gays, River is an art gay. It's just that claiming identity feels scary to River, so they sort of dash over or around it and try and just be a person. Someone described TM as a show that tries hard to categorize people.

I don't know how I fit. I'm an art gay I guess. Nonbinary sometimes seems to be ascribed its own internet aesthetic but I don't know how i fit in that or don't. If anything I think there are certain binaries of queerness that I do identify on.

C: What trope am I?

J: You're definitely an alt-art gay as well, but on a different side of things? There's def a type of gay that does tattoos, is trans, loves communism, and cowboy imagery.

C: right, what you said also got me thinking about tropes as language, theyre identifying words, and that shapes our understandings of ourselves and our experiences. and there is so much play i think, in queer culture between collective experience and personal experience.

J: I think I worry a bit about the ways we seem to gravitate towards locks and keys as ways of conceptualizing identity. And yet, I do that! So who am I to say that? I think it's best to let everyone feel their identity the way they feel it, even if that's not how I feel it. Right? What does that hurt/what does it heal? It certainly heals someone else and probably doesn't hurt me, excluding hatred, of course. Plus, sometimes someone's experience or a collective's experience help us- we say that's me! or that's definitely not me!

C: can you say more about territory? how does pop, or mass culture, bring us into territory?

J: What's the difference between populist and popular? Is there one? Can something that's populist be destructive, can it be healing? Is liking what the people like somehow revolutionary or is it bad? Are we as a people healing bending towards justice or not? It's a tricky counter situation. Plenty of things we probably think are good are considered bad, and vice versa. so sometimes seems revolutionary and sometimes doesn't.

But it does remind me of the way Bergman is against symbolism-reading in his work, Susan Sontag's against interpretation, Patti Smith's writing about not trying to read a message into literature. I'm not sure i wholly agree, but the idea of the sign as uninterpretable or as a mirror is interesting. Of course these are also mostly people with a romantic idea of art and plenty of people believe in interpreting art and for good reason. Works can be about race, class, gender, etc., and also have images that can't be broken down. It can be both.

Joshua Byron is a nonbinary storyteller based in Brooklyn. Their work includes the webseries Trans Monogamist co-created with Alfredo Franco and Artless Media, Idle Cosmopolitan with Glo Worm Press, as well as the zine Sincere Hate. Previously they have written dating columns and lyrical essays for Bushwick Daily, the Body Is Not An Apology, Yes Poetry, and more. Their films have been screened at Sarah Lawrence College, the Indianapolis LGBT Film Festival, Secret Project Robot, and more. They love Ursula K LeGuin, rose soap, and lots of coffee.

chariot wish is an artist and angel living in philadelphia. theyve seen the matrix 28 times in 2 years and love horses.

#Joshua Byron #interview #chariot wish

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