#im a sorceror man

[animentality]

listen you don't need any points in constitution if you don't plan on getting hit

#dungeons and dragons #dnd #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #im dropping my constitution to the bare minimum #im a sorceror man #i dont need health #storm sorceror anyway ill just fly out when someone bugs me #im gucci babe dont worry about me #worry about you

[bhaalble]

I like Shadowheart but I legitimately do not know where the narrative emerges from that Lae'zel is the aggressor because in every single playthrough I've done Shadowheart talks about her like three times more and usually unprompted. Lae'zel's RUDE sure but the worst thing she does to Shadowheart is tell us not to save her in the middle of a burning crashing mind flayer ship (while doing nothing to stop us if we decide to do it). Shadowheart comes out the gate suspicious of Lae'zel and is incredibly hostile and mistrustful of her not because of anything she's actually done. Shadowheart has actually done something to Lae'zel's people and she knows it but when confronted about that immediately jumps to "well it was probably stolen plunder anyways 😒😒😒" ITS NOT. ITS CARVED WITH GITH RUNES AND HAS BEEN WITH THEM FOR GENERATIONS. AND ALSO THAT WOULDNT MAKE IT YOURS.

The weirdest the game gets about this is that fight where Lae'zel challenges her to a duel and Shadowheart instead sneaks up on her in the middle of the night and holds a knife to her throat! And then starts!!! lecturing LAE'ZEL about how they need not be enemies and they could instead direct that hostility at others! This is seconds after "If the others ask, I'll say you were turning. Don't expect to be mourned" btw

To be clear this too is yuri but girl you have problems! Conditions even!

#it occasionally (often) feels like the game really banks on me agreeing on gith default evil #which i dont for any number of reasons. #but also laezel is like pretty much nothing but practical the whole opening act #considering the stakes she believes are at play! #very rarely does she actually pick fights with the others she just doesnt have patience with them #also its deeply funny to be playing as a gith sorceror who's mostly in shadowhearts good books #she keeps expecting orroros to agree and orroros is like hey man im scared shitless of her but like #for a reason #whats your reason it doesnt seem like you have a reason #then they get a proper look at the astral prism and go oh thats the reason #well that sucks >: ( #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #shadowheart #lae'zel

[ajdrawshq]

doing a solo run on octopath bc i Cannot let go of this game yet. chose Therion bc it fits him more thematically n bc he was my original first choice anyway, and i just think hes neat. plus he has some stuff i thought would be useful with no other help available. not that i was wrong but this game is absolute hell 👍

but also its really funny bc naturally hes a thief and ive also made him a merchant for like 99% of the time so far. and ive been making my way thru by stealing shit and selling most of it. perfect job combo

#but fr i am DYING so much i cant get past th fuckin . 3rd boss #man im level 47 and i cant do shit .. i miss having the power of friendship #octotag #also attempted getting the sorceror job. that boss is Not as easy when u dont have teammates

[scarrinotspooky]

"im busy"

OH YOU THINK I DONT HAVE A LIFE? YOU THINK I LIKE FINDING OUT IM BEING HUNTED BY THE FUCKING FBI IN PASSING CONVERSATION? YOU THINK I LIKE FINDING OUT FUCKING SHADOW CREATURES EXIST?? YOU THINK I LIKE FINDING OUT MY FUCKING PATRON IS ALSO BEING HUNTED BY THE FBI. I WILL CONVERT. PLENTY OF GODS OR SORCERORS LOOKING FOR A COOL EMO WARLOCK. YOU WEAK LITTLE SHELL OF A FUCKING MAN. YOUVE FUCKING ROTTED EVERY YEAR YOUVE BEEN ACTIVE YOU WALKING CORPSE. YOU ARE NOT UNDEAD YOU ARE A SHAMBLING LITTLE BASTARD BARELY CLINGING TO WHAT YOU THINK LIFE IS. YOU ARE NOT A GOD. YOUR 'POWER' IS LIMITED AS MUCH AS YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IT IS NOT. YOU ABSOLUTE SON OF A DRUNK YOU ARE NOT UNKILLABLE. IMMORTALITY IS WASTED ON YOU. FUCK.

#ooc tags: #dndads #dndads s2 #dungeons and daddies #rp account #vampire #vampire rp #scary marlowe #scarri marlowe #willy stampler

[ruinikaido]

Ooooooo did you fully catch up with dungeon meshi :D what are your thoughts

I DID NOT I FORGOR WHERE I WAS BUT IM DEFINITELY NOT AT THE END however here are some character thoughts ill try to go more in depth soon but

Laios:My husband like we're literally getting married i love him so much. I think people overexaggerate his weirdness and flatten his character in a very frustrating way like that which makes me sad because hes genuinely such an interesting and refreshing protagonist in a way where like he just does his own thing the whole time he doesntcare . AND he loves his friends and food and monsters life is beautiful and also he may become a king which is pretty awesome. I fucking love him bro i do wish he was a freak more often though to be honest because its funny but you know i hate fanon him for that reason too though so

MARCILLE: I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHES WONDERFUL SHES SO CUTE AND SMART AND COOL I LOVE GIRLS LIKE HER THAT ARE LIKE idk how to describe her character but its good guys. I think her fear of death and losing her loved ones is really interesting and i really like her dream sequences and stuff like that. i love when the rest of the group comforts her its very cute. i think one of my favorite moments with her is when laios comforts a kid version of her in her dream or when she was done using everyones dead bodies against the rabbits and brought them back to life and broke down about it that was soooo. Omfg i fucking love marcille. also shout out to marcilles succubus she has my taste fr. Oh Also shout out to laios's succubus that looked like a crazy beast version of her that was awesome. Also her relationship with falin is so forgive me for saying this word but "wholesome"

Senshi: Backstory interesting.He is my grandpa. that is all i love him but i dont have much to say about him

chilchuck: My adorable divorced man i love how grumpy he is sometimes and also his dynamic with izutsumi (who i love btw i love her little catgirl self) is so adorbs and i just like him in general hes great i have more to say but i forgor

KABRU and MITHRUN: putting them together becauase i cant sum up my thoughts on each of them individually cuz it would be really long and insane but to keep it short THEY ARE BOTH SO INTERESTING oh the dungeon sorceror master person too. All cool i like them esp kabru i like how much he hates laios and mithrun is so chill and kinda scary but also just has a cool vibe to him very nice

Falin: Fawin T_T so many thoughts but cant say

Anyway theres obv a lot more important characters than this but this is just whats in my mind rn

[kleinstar]

this chapter half (obv im more excited for the second half bc the new guy's coming and all reinforced some stuff i already knew but

eiden's sense of duty of "being" grand sorceror and feeling unsure bc he feels he can't fill the shoes (even though he already is, just not in huey's way)

thinking back to the halloween event where he mentions his fears of 'being shunned' and ' being unable to to find worth in himself' and as it's known his self-confidence is very built and something practiced it's kind of neat character trait

this is more like further thought than about anything in the chapter but his habit of being competitive (and like ...semi-graceful loser like idk i cant say he's a great loser but he's not like ...entirely terrible either) could also connect to that if a bit distantly

love him reflecting Yakumo's insecurity with his own which is also what he did in the halloween event,

(on another note man i cant remember anything told about the elemental spirits bc thats those twinkly things in this chapter id assume)

keeping exterior calm eases him/makes him feel like he's more on top of things

reckless as usual my guy just ' ohhh new clan member ill go alone after' like did you not learn anything about your first meeting with kuya (who granted was only testing him but hey)

#ooc // #i lovelove eiden #that said its more like a set up chapter but also i love some small stuff here and there hehe #*chapter half #the new guy next chapter with his birdfriend....looking at the leaks im a little more interested on him now lmao #not appearance speaking here lol #(i mean it spells out most of this for you but lmao love it all anyway)

[widowedsimp]

Spoilers !!! Spoilers ahead!!

Would do anything. (Bruh i’d even sell my siblinng for nanami ngl 💀)

Would legit swap my own life with nanami’s just to bring him back

My life isnt worth much but if that meant nanami being alive i’d do it not even in a heartbeat

#nanami kento #im dead srs about my husbands dont fight me #my man shouldve just fled to malaysia whats so good about saving gojo the kids and tokyo #nanami is too altruistic to ignore sorceror responsibilities

[lonesomedotmp3]

arthur is acting so insane rn... gonna jarchiefy this and start saying camelot is a metaphor for the closet or something

#man takes one step out of there and he's acting like THIS. ok #literally alright i know im a prince so we can't be friends but if i wasn't a prince well then i think we'd get on. so you can tell me #when merlin is revealed as a sorceror it'll kill me. like for real I'll see arthur look betrayed and then end it all #merlin lb #anyway. gonna be normal now

[baticuls]

i wonder if after shibuya we'll get another villain like fushiguro toji ..like just someone else with no curse energy and who still poses a huge threat to all the rly powerful jujutsu sorcerors. basically someone like garou from opm hold on cancel post im pretty sure gsrou had superpowers........or he was just REALLY good at martial arts

#i love gojou but when toji stabbed and killed him well. it was pretty based #i havent watched or read opm in a looooong time . i miss genos. and zombie man he was hot #im forgetting everything about tojis abilities rn like he has no curse energy but can see cursed spirits so does that still make him a #jujutsu sorceror/curse user....im blanking out. #m.jjk #m.talk #jjk spoilers #just took nyquil and it stole my cognition

[beetingroot]

idk what possessed me to write this in the middle of me studying physics but here's a short drabble if my love, geto <3

(also idk how tumblr works so i don't know how to enable the "story under the cut" feature 😥)

major jjk manga spoliers ahead ⚠️⚠️

--------------------------------------------------

you heard your doorbell ringing. you scurried over to open the door, only to welcome your bloodied boyfriend, suguru.

"sugu are you hurt anywhere? oh dear, come in, i'll patch you up." you took his hand and pulled him into your house. you quickly sat him at your dining table. before you could even fetch your first aid kit, his hand weakly stopped your movements.

"you don't need to do anything." he said.

you wonder, tilting your head in confusion. "ah, are you not hurt then? thank god-"

"im tired [y/n]."

"what happened darling?" you slowly took his large fingers into your palm and kissed it, not caring that it is coated with dry flakes of blood.

"why do we have to put our lives on line for stupid monkeys like you to maintain peace of this land?" he confessed.

you were taken aback from that confession that your boyfriend made. "monkeys ..?" you questioned, not quite following what he said.

"why can't i just kill every non-sorcerors so that we," he squeezed your hands, punctuating we, as in jujutsu sorcerers, "so that we, could just .. live in peace."

you sucked in a breath, realising the predicament your facing. you softly chuckled and released your hands from his, slowly walking towards your kitchen.

"why are you laughing? do you think that this is funny?" he asked.

"everybody has their breaking point darling, and you have reached your breaking point." you calmly answered the man, reaching out to a cup and filling it with water.

"how do you-"

"it's funny how i asked this exact same question to yaga sensei the other day, and how he begged me to not tell any of you." you opened a sachet, pouring the powder in your cup, letting the fainting sizzling of the bubbled to die down.

"i admit that we humans are selfish. i wouldn't say the same for your higher ups as well." you heard a chuckle from that man. "did i hit the spot?" you smiled, knowing that the man sensed your smile.

"you never seem to miss."

"what do you plan to do now?"

"i just killed my parents. i came here to tell things and maybe-"

"kill me too?" you mused, gulping down the drink and softly putting the cup.

"i- i just-" he stuttered, not being able to form a sentence.

you walked over to him again, slowly taking off his hands from his face. "our brains truly are linked up yea?" you chuckled, engulfing the man into a hug.

"darling." you whispered.

he hummed, answering you while slowly wrapping his arms on your body.

"promise me one thing, will you?" you softly asked, feeling slightly faint and sleepy.

he hummed again, snuggling against your neck, seeking for comfort.

"will you please peel peaches on this date every year at my grave?" you whispered, before collapsing in his arms.

the frightened man quickly catched your weaking body, while kneeling on the floor.

"what are you saying-" geto muttered, looking at your eyes fluttering slowly.

you could smile weakly as a stray tear rolled down your cheeks. geto couldn't process any of this, about why are you suddenly weak and lifeless.

"i saved you a lot of time didn't i?" your throat was hurting, you could only croakly voice out an audible sentence.

"you really, .. are selfish to the end." geto stared at your eyes, swirling with hate and sadness, he couldn't really comprehend his own emotions. was he thankful that you could understand his ambitions or was he mad you decided to end your own life at your own volition?

he stares at the now lifeless body, as his lover finally succumbs to death in his arms, looking as beautiful as the first day his eyes landed on you. he finally accepts the reality of this situation and carried your body into your shared bedroom, slowly tucking you in the bed. as he exits the room, he slowly said,

"-----------"

a/n : i apologize for any grammatical errors or whatsoever bcs i absolutely have no experience in writing stories bcs all of this just came straight out from my brain as i daydream

#jujutsu kaisen angst #geto suguru #geto angst

[jaskicr]

geraskier soul animal au

soulmate au where people can shapeshift into the animal that best represents their soulmate, but the animal that represents jaskier is not a frail bird like anyone would expect (because deep down he’s fucking feral), which creates all sorts of angst and complications.

geralt can transform into a some kind of large, spotted cat, and he thinks that it’s fitting, that the soulmate of a witcher would have the ferocity and aggressiveness of a deadly predator.

jaskier can shapeshift into a white wolf (classic, i know) and he’s always looked forward to meeting his soulmate, who is undoubtedly fierce and loyal, and he’s pretty sure he’s half in love with them already.

when they meet in posada, jaskier begins to suspect that geralt might be his soulmate, so he starts singing about the white wolf.

after travelling together for some time, jaskier is pretty sure that geralt’s the one.

he’s deadly to his enemies, but loyal to those he cares for - roach is treated with the utmost gentleness, and jaskier is sometimes the recipient of his quiet affection.

and it fits geralt, the white wolf, the moniker jaskier has bestowed on him. something deep in jaskier’s soul just knows - his heart yearns for him, for his beautiful white wolf.

geralt, on the other hand, has no fucking idea. people don’t usually shift in front of those who aren’t their soulmate, so he has no idea that jaskier’s animal is a white wolf.

it doesn’t even cross geralt’s mind that jaskier might be his soulmate. his bard is loud and loving but breakable and fragile, and nothing like the big cat that resides deep inside geralt.

or so he thinks

yes, he sees the flashes of aggression when jaskier lunges at drunken men who insult him in taverns, his seething anger when people call geralt butcher, the small dagger he keeps tucked in his boot, but those moments, as much as they make his heart ache in fondness, are fleeting and geralt doesn’t dwell on them, doesn’t think they mean anything.

meanwhile, jaskier pines, wondering if geralt knows. maybe he does, and he just doesn’t want jaskier as his soulmate, and the lack of acknowledgement is geralt’s way of quietly rejecting him.

one day, when jaskier carelessly wishes for death on his bardic nemesis, there’s something about that which tugs at geralt, makes him wonder -

and then there’s yennefer, beautiful and lethal, unafraid to go after what she wants, and geralt thinks that maybe, maybe this fierce woman is his soulmate.

it would suit her - she’s feline in her grace, ruthless in pursuing her desires, and utterly, utterly deadly, and geralt thinks she might be the one.

so he binds them together - he’s waited so long, and he doesn’t want to lose her.

yennefer doesn’t know if they’re soulmates - she’s a sorceress, and their shifting is part of what they had to give up (and one of the things she wants to reclaim).

she doesn’t remember what animal she used to be able to shift to, but geralt looks at her with something like awe in his eyes, and she’s inexplicably drawn to him in a way she’s never experienced before.

so she doesn’t question it when geralt tells her they’re soulmates - she takes this revelation, grasps it desperately, telling herself that it’s possible, that she can take back what she’s lost.

when geralt tells jaskier that yen’s his soulmate, joy in his eyes that jaskier’s never seen before, jaskier’s heart breaks.

he thinks of his white wolf, and he wants to scream, wants to tell geralt that no, you’re mine, but he can’t.

jaskier has never seen geralt so happy before, and he doesn’t begrudge his friend, his love, his soulmate, the happiness he more than deserves.

over the next few years, geralt and yennefer meet every few months, and each time, jaskier’s heart breaks just a little more.

he drinks himself into oblivion, thinking about an unrequited bond, a white wolf who will never love him, the man who is jaskier’s soulmate but jaskier isn’t his.

on the mountain, borch tells yennefer that she will never regain her womb, that she’ll never have a soulmate.

yennefer is enraged. geralt’s my soulmate, she snarls, if that’s possible, you can’t tell me that my search for a child is futile

borch just looks at her sadly. you knew the risks when you chose to embrace your power, he tells her. chaos has a price, and you do not have a soulmate. geralt belongs to another.

yennefer is left shocked, upset. borch tells her about geralt’s wish, and she leaves, seething with fury at the witcher and anguish at what she may never reclaim.

she truly thought she’d gotten what other sorcerors had claimed was impossible, but apparently it had been nothing more than a djinn’s meddling, and it hurts to know that there isn’t a part of her soul out there, waiting for her.

your soulmate is still out there, and deep down, you know it, borch tells geralt. go. go find them. they are your destiny.

geralt is agonised. he thought he’d found his soulmate, but apparently he hadn’t, and he’d really thought she was the one.

he thought he’d finally found someone who was powerful, who could keep up with and and wouldn’t die on him - but it had been nothing more than wishful thinking.

he’s angry, angry at himself for so foolishly reaching out, for being so desperate for his soulmate that he’d deluded himself into thinking that yennefer was his.

then jaskier tries to talk to him, and geralt turns, a mixture of pain and anguish and anger swirling in his gut.

if life could give me one blessing -

jaskier leaves. his heart has been broken one too many times, and he can’t take it anymore. once he’s far enough, he shift and howls, a sound of pure grief and heartbreak, and runs down the mountain, determined to get as far away as possible.

the further jaskier gets, the deeper the hollowness in his heart becomes as he races away from his soulmate, but he persists.

he’d given his heart, offered it to geralt, who’d stomped on it in favour of another. jaskier can’t deal with that, not anymore. soulmates or not, he won’t let himself get hurt that way again.

geralt watches his bard walk away, and something in him tears apart, ripping open an abyss in his chest, and he wonders, he wonders.

i will write this but for now i just needed to get this off my chest. im not sure what big cat jaskier will be - im thinking a leopard or maybe a jaguar. leopards are more lean and agile and they’re more territorial, but jaguars have like the strongest bite out of all big cats, which just fits how inwardly aggressive jaskier is.

the idea of him being a big cat inside is inspired by @witchersjaskier whose fic on it is amazing!!

#geraskier #jaskier #geralt #geralt of rivia #the witcher #soulmate au #after that they travel alone for a while as geralt sorts out his emotional constipation #and jaskier tries to get over his heartbreak #and geralt reflects on all the times jaskier has been way more feral than a bard has any right to be #and theres a dawning realisation in him #the next time they meet jaskier is fending off a bunch of bandits #geralt is terrified and runs to defend him #but by the time he gets there all the bandits are on the ground and jaskiers dagger is bloody #and in that moment geralt just knows #mine*

[space-city-traffic]

im sick and don’t wanna do homework, so let’s rank classes that my dnd warlock could switch to if he ever finally manages to kill his patron!!!

13. barbarian. Byron’s strength is 8, and he has a magic chronic illness, this would not go well.

12. monk. again, he has abysmal physical stats, and also, he actively tries to avoid learning about magic.

11. rogue. he just wants to live a quiet life. why would he be sneaky. he just wants to vibe.

10. druid. Byron is a city boy, he knows nothing of nature and doesn’t love animals. bad.

9. ranger. i don’t know the difference between these and druids, but I think this would also be bad.

8. paladin. in theory, Byron is really principled and dedicated, and I can see him following an oath. in practice, 8 strength and 10 con means he would die so fast. the vibe here is right but Byron is weak and also a pacifist.

7. bard. Byron does have 16 charisma, but he doesn’t know any instruments, and I think it would be a bit odd for him to go from sacrificing folks under the new moon to speed-running picking up the ukulele.

6. blood hunter. 13’s in intelligence and dexterity, so it would work, and Byron would absolutely sacrifice his health for power in the current state he’s in. however, if he does manage to get free from the pact that’s sapping his life, i think he would want a break from magical self destruction. he deserves better than he had before. this would not be better.

5. wizard. Byron actually tried this as a kid before he was forced to make a pact and switch career paths. he’d be good at it and it would fit his vibes, but I can’t see him actively seeking out more magic right after finally getting away from the horrible pact that made him hate magic forever.

4. cleric. going from an unhealthy pact to a healthy relationship w a good entity? gaining magic to heal his friends instead of hurt them? this would be wonderful, if Byron would accept it. but he wouldn’t. my man is a staunch atheist. he has trauma from deities. he is not doing that again. no sir.

3. another warlock. if we’re talking celestial warlock, I’m thinking mayyyybe. if Byron tried to be a cleric, I can see him ending up here—he has no trust and no affection for deities, but if he has to, he can work with them. he’d hate it though. and as for fiend/great old one, absolutely not.

2. sorceror. again, we have 16 charisma to work with, and I think if u kill a god you deserve magic powers. however, Byron hates magic and becoming basically the new incarnation of his patron would make him sad. this would be perfect, but again, i don’t want to make Byron sad.

1. fighter (surprisingly enough). Byron has 13 dex, so multiclassing is possible, and i genuinely do think that he would be good with a gun. only a gunslinger fighter, though, no other kind. but yeah. give Byron a gun. thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

#byron not getting up from his chair but cocking his gun ominously: you’d best take that little fight out of my tavern #dnd shenanigans #long post #byron core

[bigsnzstanacct]

King’s New Allergy Part 4

This is wildly overwritten but at least I’m writing...? Here is the link to the other chapters of this story lmao. Of course it is also on le blue forum. After this chapter there is one more to conclude the story (which is already partially written!) and then there’s a chance I’ll eventually write an aggressively porn-y epilogue. okay byeeeeeeee!

------

My nose. My damned nose. By all the gods old and new, my insatiable, insufferable, intolerable, insistent, itchy, tickly, twitching, torurous nose!

“So the… th-thehhhh… the harvest in the W-weehhhhh… Western… -sniff-”

I was fighting.  I was fighting as hard as I’d ever fought anything. Harder. But to do battle against a swordsman, a sorceror, a monster, a ghost… that was child’s play. For that I had tools and training. Years of training in weapons and fighting. For this meeting too: years of training in diplomacy, in leadership. But none of that training involved a struggle to the death against your own damned nose!

“In the W-wehhhh… weeeeeeehhHHHH…”

Through narrowing eyes, I saw their faces: full of disapproval, fear, hands itching to clap to their ears, legs twitching to hide under the table, as though I really were a storm unto myself, and in taking cover, they might be spared the worst. Perhaps if I simply allowed the sneeze to come, it might not be so monstrous but… I could not. I could not bring myself to succumb so easily, to give in, to be weak. I chanced putting a finger beneath my nose. It was a desperate failsafe that had served at least a few times, but in truth I could never resist for long. I could no more resist these violent eruptions than the sky, overcharged with energy, could resist the lightning arcing across the sky, or the terrible roar of the thunder in response.

“Oh gods… I’m sahhhh.. s-ssaahhhhhh… s-sorreeehhhhhHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRSSSSCCCHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AnothhheeEERRRYYYYYYYYAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! hehhhh… hh-hehhhhhh… HUUUH! HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

They came, thick, fast and violent. Each one felt like it took all my strength, as though I couldn’t help but through the full weight of my body—no, the full weight of the castle herself into each sneeze. And then, for a moment…

Bliss.

No itch, no tickle, no torture. As terrible as they were, as much as they terrorized my meeting, my castle, my citizens, my countryside… there was a guilty, fiendish part of me that felt such magnificent release and relief with each great roar that was loosed from my mouth and nose. Drained, too, of course. Exhausted as though I’d climbed a mountain after practically each sneeze, let alone a whole terrible fit of them like I’d done. But also, utterly and simply delighted.

And then I opened my eyes and the embarrassment flooded in, and then, barely a split-second later, the tiny, teasing, barely-perceptible blossom of the itch that presaged another sneeze. The urge to sneeze again was following closer and closer on the glorious feeling of release and relief. When this all started I could go half the day without a sneezing fit. Then hours. Now barely minutes. But perhaps if I didn’t think about it, if I just barrelled through and ignored the tickle… maybe it would leave me alone.

“My apologies again, gentlemen.” I said, and quickly, before anyone could comment upon my nose: “Now, the Western harvest is among the best we’ve had in some years, which means our levy at the current rate should be -sniff!-” the itch already was worming its way up. But I could hold out still. I could ignore it.

“At the current rate should be more than sufficient to provide for capitol needs, y-yes Minister?”

The Minister of the Exchequer tried to discreetly rub at his ears, but it was obvious what he was doing, trying to clear his head from my sneezing long enough to focus on what I was saying. I couldn’t bear it.

“Yes! It will be sufficient, I don’t need you to check my arithmetic. You may repohhh… re-re…” I gave a hard sniff, and allowed myself  a quick rub at the underside of my nose with the heel of my palm. It was an embarrassing, almost childish gesture but I was far beyond caring about small embarrassments. I had much, much larger mortifications to be concerned with.

“Youmayreportbackifneedsbe!” I barrelled out, knowing the tickle was already roused, and at any moment could turn the act of speech into feat as tricky as any in my storied questing career.

“What is the next item on the ahhh… hahhh…” my eyes swam, unfocused for a moment. Hands crept up towards ears, dread lining in every face of the council. I could feel my knights tensing behind me, as though bracing for an explosion, hoping not to be knocked off their feet. The sneeze wasn’t even ready, it would play with me for several more moment yet. It reminded me of nothing more than sparring with the quartermaster as a boy: putting up a valiant fight, certain I was on the edge of victory… only to find he was only playing a game with me. He would always win.

“The next agenda item!” I said, slamming a fist down on the table. I wasn’t angry with the council, and I hope they knew that, but. It was all so damned frustrating… I couldn’t speak without terrifying my council, not with my words but with the threat of my nose. Of all the mortifying.

“Well my lord, we have not admitted petitioners in over three weeks, owing to your condition. I was informed the Royal Physician as well as the, ah, King’s Right Hand will be pursuing some possibilities for treatment, but the peo---”

“Damn the conditiiIiiiHHHHHH… HHIIIHHHHHH!!” May noses and sneezes be damned by all the gods old and new! The urge was already prickling in my nose, fanning its way towards inevitability, as though to mock me for cursing it. By all the gods, I should be able to see my people, to hear their complaints and all because of my god’s damned lack of control, I couldn’t even do that… I felt furious as a boy, looking up at the quartermaster teary-eyed with rage at losing, at humiliation. And here I was again, losing. And to a thrice damned tickle in my thrice damned nose…!

My nose, on which the whole room hyperfocused, as intent upon it as I’d ever been on any foe on the battlefield. Every twitch garnered a flinch, every skipped breath a skipped heartbeat. My damned sneezes could be heard throughout the entire castle, throughout the entire town. I was just waiting for someone to announce they’d heard me sneeze at the furthest edges of the regions, echoing off the Black Mountains or the White Cliffs, resounding across oceans…

With all that, being so close to my sneeze must have been a form of auditory torture. And I couldn’t put my advisors through that. Not any longer. And not with the vague but unmistakable sense I felt that what was beginning to well up in me would be a fit to rival any I’d suffered since I came down with this accursed, irreparable allergy, this implacable need that seemed to be unmoved by any force physical or magical, on earth or in the realms above. I was going to sneeze, and the fit would leave me exhausted and the whole castle ringing, I knew. But the urge itself was small now, my winds gathering strength for the one man hurricane they would turn me into. What a curse, to make of a king a slave to his own body. I was disgusted with myself. And yet, I could no more stop the force building within me than I could will the rising sun to set or still the flowing tide.

This council meeting was accomplishing nothing. And dammit, I needed to sneeze.

Abruptly, I pushed back from the chair. Everyone rose with me. “Ladies and gentlemen, you must excuse me, I’m a-afraid… oh I…” I was doing my best to keep up a kingly facade but already I was faltering before the effort of damming back the torrent of sneezes that seemed to be pressing up against each other, jockeying for position, each demanding to be the first to erupt out of me. “oh gods, I have to sneeze. It’s going to be a terrible fit and I… Iahhhhhh… I m-muuhhhhh… I must r-repair to my… my chahhhhHHHHH… hAHHHHHHHHHHHH… w-with m-mehhhh…!”

I ordered my retinue to follow me, but I’m sure a number of them did so quite reluctantly, and frankly I couldn’t blame them. What I felt coming seemed like a sneeze to beat all sneezes, an itch to beat all itches, nothing which could soothed, calmed, or controlled by a little finger under the nose, a few rough rubs. I’d asked my former manservant more than once about his… powers. How he felt all the hidden powers of the earth welling up through him, the connection to the secret side of everything, how he could make it shimmer and dance. I felt the same sense  of something beyond myself intruding upon me, but it was not under my control. I was beneath its thumb, dancing like a marionette on a string in miserable abasement to, of all things, a tickle in my nose.

“Someone… someone please… huhhhh… p-put your f-finger… under…”

It was pathetic. At least I’d managed to get well out of the way of the council chambers before I succumbed. I’d only embarrassed myself like this once or twice before, but if this went on much longer, I’d have to appoint a knight to do this for me full time, to press and pinch and wrangle my nose in a way my own hands could no longer suffice. Perhaps that way I could at least forestall the sneezes long enough to do any of the duties of a king.

But for now, my only goal was fighting off the absolutely monstrous fit I felt brewing for a few more moments, until I could at least reach my chamber. At least then I could succumb in private, although such succumbing was never private. Before the curse even, I blushed to think a vigorous sneeze might echo through the castle, and I never could dam them back. But under the curse now… all of the castle, all of the city heard my every falter. The sound of my failure resounding back at me from every brick in the kingdom.

The Captain of the Guard slid a thick finger under my nose, and ever so imperceptibly the urge diminished. He pushed upward, hard. And all I could do was blink at him in acknowledgement. At this point a single word would send it all crashing down.

“Knights dismissed! I will escort the King further.” I heard his voice ringing out, and I was as grateful as I’d ever been for him. At least the knights would be spared the very worst. The captain alone would be with me to the eruptive end.

“Not much further now, sire. Please, hold out!” And there was an uncertainty or even... a fear in his voice. It wasn't as if I'd never heard such fear from the Captain of the Guard before. We had quested together, season after season. But this tone of voice ought to be reserved for a onrushing army or a sleeping dragon. Surely there was no reason to steel himself so before my nose?

“T-t-traahhHHHH… tr-trying…” I choked out, scrunching my nose as aggressively as I could, as though if my nostrils recoiled from the irritation, I might dodge the sneeze—no, sneezes—altogether.

And suddenly, unimaginably, the urge… exploded.

It was as if I had never needed to sneeze before in my life. Tears sprang to my eyes, and the simmering flame of the urge became a wild forest fire. Helplessly, I jerked away from the Captain, scrubbing desperately at my nose even as the heavy breaths ripped themselves from me…

“HHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHH… HUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…”

“My King, not yet!” the Captain insisted. Not to be deterred, he came up behind me and tried to guide me, but I was surrendered to the sneeze, overpowered by the urge, defeated by the invisible twinging need. He was practically pushing me as the sneeze swelled and swelled.

“HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… UUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…”

It swelled more and MORE, feeling more ferocious than any of my previous sneezes. I felt like a volcano on the precipice of eruption, as though my winds were swirling and turning and twisting and braiding their way towards tornadic devastation, as though I were not only a a lightning strike but indeed a whole storm set loose to wreak havoc across the land.

“Nearly there, nearly there, please sire you musn't give in…”

But it was too late.

“AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSCHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” I exploded, and it was as though… some sort of… power erupted from me, from my mouth and nose from… from everywhere. The sneezes had always been incredibly loud but now tapestries on the wall flapped, armor rattled, it sounded as though something fell but I couldn’t tell because before I could so much as think, the next sneeze was already erupting: “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUHHHH!!!! AARRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HehHHHHHHH… HEEEEEYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTSSSCCCHHHHHHHHHEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!”

On and on and on the sneezes came, more and more violent, “volume” not even describing what I felt bursting from me. Somewhere, dimly, I heard the sounds of something falling over, and yet still the steady pressure of the Captain at my back, finally…

“Sir, your chamber… We must not let them see you!”

Whether I was able to exert some minimal effort even subdued by my sneeze attack, or whether the Captain just shoved me, somehow I stumbled into the chamber, still sneezing relentlessly, barely heard the door slam behind me, helpless to the urge. My whole world narrowed to my nose, and it was as though some block within me surrendered and the sneezes roared out of me, louder and more violent than ever before again and again and again…

I could not tell how long it had been when the fit finally ended. I felt… amazing. Warm and sated. Entirely itch-free, as though I’d never need to sneeze again in my life. Practically glowing. Maybe that was it? Maybe that monster of a fit had at last blown the insufferable urge away for good? But the moment of euphoria lasted barely an instant. I heard a… squeak? and I opened my eyes to find… him. The sorcerer. His robes and hair disheveled, and then, the room… The bed was without sheets. The mattress ripped, feathers piled against the stone wall, piled up with the rugs, half my clothes, my pillows, my chairs…

“Wh-what… what did I… what did I do?” I asked, panting and mortified.

He stood, mortified, as red as I’d seen him in years. His mouth agape. “I—I… I—I have to go!” He exclaimed, and rushed from the room.

Had I hurt him? Scared him? Surely he of all the denizens of the castle had no reason to fear… anyone. But as I cast my eyes across the disheveled, half-wrecked room, I began to see what he saw. Nothing to fear. But something to pity. An out-of-control freak. Certainly no King.

And even then, with a trickle of fear running down my spine… I began to feel the urge to sneeze again, sputtering back to life. I sat on my bed, feeling the weakened timbers sputter and creak with my weight, head in hands.

“By all the gods…”

#snz story #King's New Allergy #Part 4 #giant!sneeze #sorta #snz fic

[tobythetrashytrash]

imma live blog as i rewatch merlin, i got nothing to do so for convenience uh block #toby.merlin

so season 1 (aka ep. 1-4 for now)

merlin really got himself thrown in jail on day 1 lmao

why did i remember his room being round?? honestly i liked my idea of his room a lot better lmao

arthur you poor dumb bitch

the dragons name hasn't been mentioned and i don't remember but man he gives ~annoying~ vibes

merlin,,, trying to sound/pretend to be gwen lmao?? loser

morgana is absolutely divine

lmao gwen and merlin being awkward right off the bat im-

kajksksjsk merlin saves arthur and uthur says "lmao ur his servant now"

how tf did merlin not get caught

arthur kind of immediately believed merlin about the snake shield im-

i fucking hate uthur, i can't wait to see him die lol

forgot how big of an ass arthur was at first

i kept reading about merlin hiding his spellbook thingy under the floorboards in fics, it was an actual thing lol?? not surprised

merlin is so fucking dramatic trying to cast the spell like bitch me too

merlin says valiant is using magic, he isn't believed by uther, but when it turns out he was right there's no apology or anything?? bro i am angry on your behalf i am so sorry you don't get the respect you deserve

gwen i love you but the second hand embarrassment i get from sometimes aint it

oh is this merlin's first big fuck up time??? (it was)

"I'm the sorceror" merlin you are damn lucky everyone is dense and obvlivious enough to believe your lies

see i almost believed morgana did know about merlin but then i remembered that in fics she did not so thannk you to fics for keeping me in the loop /hj

uther you bitch making merlin drink the poisoned chalice, i will fight you old man

merlin deserves better tf

arthur doing everything to save merlin as he should

uthur i stg you ass

did merlin fucking die?? ik he ends up fine obv but?? damn??? (unrelated i hope there's fics on this episode i gotta check now)

i don't remember nimueh at all lmao

surprisingly feels like i'm watching this for the first time which is kind of nice

#toby.merlin #merlin bbc #rant #i wont tag often no worries #don't wanna spam the main tag #excuse my typing it is 2 am

[thegeminisage]

having some merlin thots this evening

it’s really fucked up that during 2.08 merlin could be there with and for arthur the entire time he dealt with all those deep and horrifying emotions about his mother but in 2.13 when arthur’s business came up he had to keep it so fucking close to his chest that even when he was sobbing he still had to cover his mouth to muffle the sound and there is no one who can comfort him or even bear witness to his pain. arthur goes through the mortifying ordeal of being known and reaps the just rewards (merlin loves him) but what does merlin get? nothing

there are so many times merlin could have said something and have it be helpful - he could have told morgana so many TIMES and maybe it would have helped her or stopped her, he could have told arthur and maybe it would have changed things and he just DOESN’T because as long as there’s a non-zero chance it could go badly he’s not willing to risk it

i think merlin, as gaius’s apprentice/ward/adoptive son, is emulating him a little too well. in 1.03 merlin was only too happy to declare himself a sorceror in front of god and everyone if it meant saving a life. since then he’s buttoned it up so tight not even the people closest to him know the truth. gaius is the same way - he keeps important secrets for uther and he keeps knowledge about arthur’s birth a secret from arthur, knowledge about morgana’s magic a secret from morgana, all from fear of it all going wrong. he let his friends die in the purge while he found himself a lifeboat, like, this dude a SURVIVOR and furthermore he’s a WALL. and merlin WASN’T LIKE THAT but he IS NOW because he’s emulating gaius (a little too well in my opinion - imo this is gaius’s fatal flaw/worst trait, and it’s rapidly becoming merlin’s, too) - merlin is serving the royalty as a close friend but he is playing all his shit close to the vest. he’s literally doing exactly as gaius does down to the letter

MOVING ON!!! arthur said “im a prince so we cant be friends” but they are friends. THEY ARE FRIENDS. in season 1 it wasn’t as good it was mostly arthur like. bullying merlin but they’re friends now they give each other shit relentlessly and they’d die for each other and they confide in each other (well, arthur confides in merlin) and THEY ARE FRIENDS. thank you

furthermore there’s been multiple times in the last few episodes i’ve watched alone where arthur cracks jokes about merlin bossing him around and seems to want to needle merlin about his moods - why are you being so quiet, merlin, why aren’t you smiling, merlin - god it’s such a big fucking change from season 1 and SUCH a welcome relief. yeah, they’re not equals in society, but they act like they are. it feels like they are. it’s good shit!

like. come on. “no man is worth your tears” “you’re certainly not” I YELLED. arthur’s face when he realized merlin was really gonna go face certain death via dragon with him. arthur calling merlin wise. THEY ARE FRIENDS!!!!

#personal #merlin blogging #i started this post hours ago and got distracted #but im right about merlin and gaius #liz's meta #liz's merlin stuff #liz makes stuff

[lechet]

loki spoilers

i really fucking wish they wouldnt make loki laugh-at-able im tired of him being a joke on his own show boy all of the fucking lokis are annoying theyre so fucking annoying old loki and kid loki are the only bastards i respect damn they sure showed up quick, mobius and sylvie is this sylvie's show????? OH NO? B-12?????????? did you really need b-12 to tell you that you dumbass "he's green isnt he?" really, mobius is hanging out w/ the other two lokis while our loki and sylvie are squirreled off snuggling up i wanna fuckin puke mans conjured him a blanket?????????????? are you serious??????????? oh that was gross they are literally snuggling fucking snuggling "its not very snuggly" ,,,,,,,aw she said thank u dont try to fucking rope me in now ya aint having me i aint in this ya aint gettin me "maybe we could figure it out,,, together?" am literally gonna vomit i love kid loki aw loki hugs em gross y'know there's only one episode after this listen let me see loki do some magic and ill forgive it. he's a real strong fuckin sorceror, let me see it. i'll forgive a lot of it if i can see my mans being strong. its been 5 episodes and he's been completely weak n shit its awful. oh no old loki is gonna die right i can feel it I DID NOT MEAN OLD LOKI TO DO THE FUCKING MAGIC YOU JACKASSES YOU FUCKING JACKASSES I CANT BELIEVE THIS A WHOLE ASGARD? IM SO FUCKING TIRED IM TIRED OF YALL THE MANS CAN CONJURE A WHOLE ASGARD AND OUR LOKI CANT EVEN FUCKING ENCHANT??? told ya ass old loki was gonna die ,,,,,,,,,,,an old ass castle???? asgard music im So Tired

#im so ready for it to be over #episode 5 #loki spoilers #spoilers #lech livestreaming