#im also done with the self pity crap too

[ain-t-bovvered]

15x04 Commentary

bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies​  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon​  (Kat)  

@waywardbaby​  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

Giulia: Ok so in my haste of things i just spilled all my hot coffee on my self.  I’m burning but the ep is ready. But fuck

Kat: Oh shit. Go rinse with cold water

Zee: You alive ??

Giulia: No i burned my self with coffee

Nat : Where did you spill it

Giulia: Leg

Nat : You need a minute?

Giulia: No i think I’m good

Zee: Any blisters ?

Giulia: Well i’ll see tomorrow won’t I.  Whatever just start the episode I’m already angry. Just...start the ep so I can deal with the mess later on , can’t wait for that

Nat : ok

Nat : 3

Nat : 2

Nat : 1

Nat : go

Nat : "We're gonna be free"

Giulia: No i don t wanna see this again

Zee: Becky ?

Giulia: Gasps

Zee: Wtf?

Nat : is

Nat : that

Kat: BEARDED DEAN BEARDED DEAN BEARDED DEAN

Giulia: AAAAAAH

Nat : AHHHHHHHHH

Giulia: jesus christ

Nat : BAMF

Giulia: Yes please

Nat : I THINK I'M WET

Kat: I KNOW I AM FUCKING HOTNESS IS WHAT IT IS

Giulia: YUM

Nat : I JUST SQUIRTED?

Zee: Are you asking ?

Nat : I'M NOT SURE IT'S ALL WET

Giulia: THE FUCK THE FUCK

Nat : FUCK

Nat : I'M NOT OK

Giulia: I HATE HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS

Nat : IT'S MORE THAN I HOPED FOR

Giulia: YES

Giulia: YES SAME

Kat: SO MUCH BAMF BEARDED DEAN

it’s what we deserve

Giulia: FUCK AAAAAAH

Nat : LUMBERJACK

Kat: BBBEEENNNNNNNNYYYYYY

Zee: Benny?

Giulia: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Nat : BENNY

Giulia: BENNY

Nat : I KNEW IT

Giulia: BEEEENNY

Nat : BENNYYYYYY

Giulia: NO

Nat : I TOLD YA

B: I'll see you on the other side, brother

Giulia: NOT THE SAME LINE

Zee: I can’t type

Nat : I'M CRYING

Zee: Bye

Giulia: FUCK OFF

Giulia: FUCKING HELL

Nat : OK BACK TO THE BEARD

Giulia: NO WHERE

Nat : THE VOICE

Kat: SAME THING HE SAID BEFORE HE WENT INTO DEANS ARM

Giulia: FUCK OFF

Nat : HE CAN LITERALLY HAVE ANYTHING HE WANTS

Nat : WHY ARE WE ALL SCREAMING

Giulia: AAAAAAH

Kat: FUCK HES SUCH A BADASS

Zee: OHHH FUCK

Nat : SHIT

Giulia: HATE THAT

Nat : CAN WE HAVE A PARALLEL SHOW WHERE EVERYONE IS BAMF

Kat: BOYKING DEMON SAM

D: What you did to them...what you did to Bobby...to Jody...

S: They tried to stop me. But I will not be stopped.

D: Sam, you listen to me.This is the demon blood. You have to fight it!

Giulia: JENSEN MY GOD

Nat : SHIT

S: Why would I do that?

D: Sammy Please

Giulia: MY GOD I CAN T

Nat : "SAMMY" I HATE IT WHEN HE SAYS IT

Giulia: SAMMY PLEASE

Nat : SAMMY PLEASE

Giulia: HOW ABOUT NO

Nat : NO

Giulia: WOW OK

Nat : FUCK YOU SAM

Kat: OUCH

Nat : Is that chucks book

Kat: And bye bye bearded Dean. Gone too soon

Already missed

Giulia: Well Sam do see his shit now

Nat : The beginning with Dean sounds like something I would write

Nat : I WANT MORE OF THAT DEAN

Giulia: Don t we all

S: Dean, you know I don't eat --

Is Sam vegetarian now?

Nat : VEGGIE BACON

Zee: VEGGIE BACON

Nat : WHY ARE WE STILL SCREAMING

S: "I don't want any of that hippie, Sarah McLaughlin grass-eater crap in the Meat Man's kitchen."

Giulia: MEAT MAN

Nat : THE MEAT MAN DOES HE KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?

Zee: ARE WE ALL GONNA BE TYPING IN CAPITALS?

Giulia: YEAH

Kat: It means he has a big dick

Nat : I KNOW, BUT HE DOESN'T

Nat : Anyway, I'm done watching am I not? That's it. That's the whole episode

Kat: My boys need hugs

D: Look, man, I get it, okay? With Jack...and Rowena..

Giulia: ARE WE GONNA ADRESS

Giulia: SEEMS NOT

Giulia: OK FINE, IT’S FINE, WE’RE FINE

Kat: What

 Zee: What?

Giulia: Nothing . We just gonna push it down in true Winchester style. 

Nat : Of course not, it's a filler episode

Kat: Oh, I think I know If it’s what I think, it’s not mentioned at all

Giulia: What else is new

S: That’s real bacon

D: You're damn right it is

meat man

Nat : Ok bye guys

Kat: SIT YOUR ASS DOWN

Nat : I WANT TO THINK THAT I SAW EVERYTHING I WANTED

Zee: No you didn’t

Kat: But it’s Jensen’s last ep. And I really like it.

Giulia: Anyway

Nat : lAcrOsS

Zee: The end of the world

Zee: He knows

Nat : The little prayer thing at half time

Kat: Ugh parents

Nat : me talking to someone

Nat : SIR CONTAIN YOUR EYEBROWS

Zee: That’s awesome

Giulia: That’s awesome

Giulia: Ok but u know what i don’t like about filler eps tho. That they are like these oases outside of everything where seems like things don’t matter .... Whatever

Nat : Gag me

Zee: Kinky

Nat : please do

Kat: What she said

Nat : SHOULDER TO HIP RATIO

Giulia: Oh the flask again.  What esle is also new, this day is already ruined anyway

Kat: So good

Nat : also it's been shot in the beginning, I hardly think that Jensen knew what happened the episode before that.

Zee: Why is dean drinking and eating all the time?

Nat : don't you do that?

I mean....same

S: We keep them from dealing with the truth, with what's out there, and we carry the weight. It's great. They have no idea What's out there.

Kat: Sammy is a little disillusioned

Giulia: OH WHAT

Nat : oh no

Zee: Becky?!

Giulia: awe

Kat: She’s so normal now

Nat : There's something wrong with Becky

Zee: Great

Giulia: No fuck off

Nat : Ah, there it is

Kat: Not with her lol

Nat : God is fucking desperate

Giulia: That’s not everybody’s else problem tho so can he fuck off

Zee: Somebody’s got a fetish

Kat: Okay Dean

Nat : Don't we all

Kat: Cheerleader fetish lol

Nat : Mine is Dean

Kat: Many

Giulia: Of course she is

Giulia: Oh becky

Nat : mY WOrK

Zee: Oh honey

Nat : A little obsessed

Giulia: Oh honOh look she is us after the show ends

Nat : What show ends?

Kat: The one you’re not watching

Kat: At least she’s not a complete wackadoodle now

Nat : A little bit of a falling out

Zee: Poor God,  Nobody wants to hang out with him

Nat : God is a fucking child throwing a tantrum

Kat: Because he’s a douche

Giulia: Awe that’s so pathetic it’s almost cute

Nat : It sounds wrong

B: I am married to an amazing man, I have two great kids,and I like myself, Chuck. For the first time in a long time, I like myself. So I don't need you.

YOU GO GIRL

Nat : you do you, becky

Zee: By Becky nonetheless

G: You don't need me. No one does.

Zee: Boo fucking hoo

G: I feel so lost.

Kat: Oh shut up with the pity party chuck

B: Then, Chuck, you have to write.

Giulia: Oh no he doesn t

Nat : Dean is eating his way through the episode

Kat: Rob plays annoying so well

Kat: thicc arms

Giulia: Sure she wants to help you lol

Kat: Dean with the slow clap

Zee: That smile

Nat : I can't with Dean's eyebrow this episode

Giulia: Felt that

Kat: I need wine lol

Nat : It's the dad?

Giulia: Wow

Nat : Anything stronger than what? Water?

Zee: What does he want with Becky ??

G: I mean, I used to be able to see Sam and Dean in my head, wherever they were, whatever they were doing. It was all just there, ripe for the picking. And now it's just gone.

Nat : oh god, chuck annoys the fuck out of me

Nat : throw him out, becks

Giulia: Hey

Zee: Fan fic isn’t the same ?? Excuse you dick

Nat : I read EXPOSE your dick

 Kat: I wish she wouldn’t push him to write

Giulia: Awe look at that maniac stare

Kat: Bad idea

Giulia: Ew no

Kat: Of course

Nat : Ah, it's both of them

Nat : Sam walks in with a puppy look

Kat: He looks like that the whole ep

Giulia: How they know

Zee: TheY seriously need to control their ducking faces

Zee: Fu

D: We're not FBI.

Giulia: Well that was hot

Nat : Where did he keep the machete

Nat : in his pants?

IN HIS MEAT MAN PANTS 

Kat: A holster under his many layers

Giulia: Not great

Nat : The way he says Sammy

Kat: JUST WAIT

Nat : But right at his ass

Zee: FOCUS

Kat: She is. On his ass.

Nat : I can't. I wanna see how he pulls it out from another angle

Zee: What she said

Nat : finger guns

B: No one even mentions Cass.

Giulia: AH

Zee: Thanks Becky

Giulia: I LIKE BECKY

Nat : Becky gets it

Giulia: chuck angry

Kat: SHUT UP BECKY

Nat : Ah no,

Giulia: Fuck. No thanks

Nat : I give you danger

Zee: Fuck you becky

NO, WE LIKE HER NOW

Nat : get off my dick god

Nat : Ah

Kat: Now you know

Nat : Well

dad: You don't have children, do you? Because if you did, you would know that to see your child in pain rips your heart out. And you'd know that you'd do anything. You'd die for them.

Giulia: AH but he does. They all do

Nat : He had a child, thank you very much

Giulia: JACK

Zee: And Ben

Nat : EMMA

Giulia: Meh whatever

Giulia: Hate this

Kat: This whole thing is sad

Nat : I mean, I kinda feel for them

Zee: The kid wants to do good

snorts.....like Jack....lol ring any bell?

*sound of someday starts to play*

Nat : AH

Giulia: AAAAAH

Zee: NOOOOOOO

Nat : SOUNDS OF SOMEDAY

Giulia: FUCK

Nat : WHAT

Giulia: STOP

Nat : MY GOD

Giulia: SOB

Nat : Great, now I will associate it with that scene?

Giulia: UGH

Zee: IM DEAD

Giulia: WOW OK

Nat : I'm sads

Zee: SHIT

Giulia: WELL OK

Nat : It's so sad

Giulia: oh no this is so sad. This shot is beautiful tho

Nat : Cuz it's true, the lengths parents are willing to go

Giulia: Chuck fuck off

Zee: FUCK YOU CHUCK

Nat : CHUCK SHOULD FUCKING GET OFF OUR DICKS

Giulia: Yeah it is dark af

Kat: IT GETS SO BAD GUYS

Giulia: Nice

Kat: HOLD ME

Zee: FUCK YOU

Nat : GO TELL HIM BECKY

Kat: Winchester 😭

Zee: WHYVIS BECKY US ?

B: You can't do this to the fans.

Nat : It's good right?  Fuck off

Giulia: I already hate this

Kat: OH NO OH NO OH NO

Nat : Ah no

Giulia: OH COME ON

Nat : WTF

Giulia: CHUCK

Nat : FUCK YOU

Kat: IT GETS WORSE

Nat : FUCK YOU CHUCK

Zee: I can’t

Giulia: Ah babe dean already did that. Remember when Dean prayed to God about Mom, Crowley and Castiel? lol Bet this fucker made the exact face , maybe munching on popcorn 

Nat : WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Giulia: and we are at 5 goodbyes . So: Kevin, Ketch, Rowena, Becky, Benny

Nat : I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED WATCHING IN THE BEGINNING AFTER THE RIDICULOUSLY HOT DEAN

Kat: See she shouldn’t have encouraged him

Giulia: With my leg burning

Zee: Shut up both of you

Nat : Go look after your leg

Kat: Now for the BM scene

Giulia: My room smells like coffee

Zee: Not bad

Giulia: Coffee i did not drink

Nat : Ah stop it Dean

Giulia: Why they look so much all over the place tho

S: we'd have done the same thing. For Jack. If we had the chance.

I can’t decipher Dean’s expression right now . idk.

D: I get it. We have lost way, way too much. And it's hard not to feel like just...cashing out. I felt like that.  After Chuck, back at the crypt. But you know what brought me back?  You did. By sayin' that what we do still matters. I mean, that's why I wanted to drag us out here  That's why I wanted to -- to work a case, to save lives, you know? 'Cause it is -- it's a -- it's a crap job.  We do the ugly things so that people can live happy.

S: lucky them

D: We still do the job. But we don't do it for us We did it for Jack,  for Mom, for Rowena. We owe it to anybody who has ever gave a damn about us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what. And, hey, man, like you said, now that Chuck's gone,

Giulia: AH THEY THINK

D: we're finally on our own.  We are finally free to... move on, you know?

Nat : Sam with his stupid puppy face

S: I can't forget any of them. Dean, I still think about Jessica. I -- I can't just let that go.

Giulia: aw sam

Kat: I still think about Jessica

Zee: Someone hug Sam

Kat: Damn it not the hearts

Kat: Sammy is broken af 😭

Nat : "I can't even breathe"

Nat : Same, Sam

Giulia: Hate this

Giulia: Hate

S : But maybe tomorrow. You know, maybe I'll -- I'll feel better in the morning.

Giulia: Can sam stop crying

Giulia: Asking for a friend

Nat : Can Sam just stop Period

Kat: Ugh chuck again

Giulia: Asshole

Nat : We all know it

Zee: I hate it

Nat : Promo?

Nat : So young,  and the way he's so full of himself "obviously", so proud

Giulia: So cocky

Giulia: Bastard

Kat: Makes me giggle bc the fandom always says he doesn’t age

Zee: I can’t wait for the million red gifs

Kat: I’ve already reblogged a few sets

Zee: I saw

Kat: And made a post about his beard

Kat: Did you look before the episode?

Zee: I can’t hear you. I’m entering a tunnel 

Why am I not even a bit surprised.

Zee: I’m talking about the gifs Giuls will start slapping us with

Giulia: Idk I don t feel like it. I’d would love to make them nicer BUT NO ONE I ASKED TOLD ME HOW so....

Nat : I’ll rewatch the first 5 minutes and keep on squirting

Zee: TMI bb?! lol

Nat : Is there anything like TMI with us?

.

NO, there ain’t

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If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

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#15x04 #15x04 spn #spn commentary #Supernatural episode #Episode commentary #season 15 commentary

[revol-lover]

i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok. 

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though. 

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend. 

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020  but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i  have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic. 

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is 

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me  in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

[waltrp]

I WISH MY COHORTS WEREN’T SO DUMB

BIDDI BOPPI BOOP A SPECIAL MESSAGE ADMIN ZULEMA: welcome to walt Ash !  The Teague siblings are characters that I hold near and dear to my heart. They’ve always been my favorites of the nightmare gang since we opened. You captured Sadie beautifully in your app. You understand her well and I have complete faith that you’ll transform her into something magical. I’m ready for PAIN. Also, I love your passion for the nightmare before christmas. It’s one of my favorite movies as well so I know you’re going to kickass as Sadie Teague. You have 24 hours to send in your account. Please refer to THIS PAGE for your next tasks. We can’t wait to roleplay with you. Welcome to our Ohana xx.

It’s a pleasure to meet you…

Hi darlings, I am Ash, 22, GMT \ She/Her.

Not entirely random but.. I have a TNBC tattoo on my arm, I have seen TNBC live in concert with Danny Elfman, Catherine O’Hara and Ken Page and I think I love my cats more than most humans.

Triggers; Not really triggered by per say but not comfortable writing sexual assault.

Are you positive you can be active?

I can be very active in my evening time on weekdays and all day on my days off, weekends not so much as its the only time I see my partner and friends. On a scale i’m about a 7/10 but at the moment im on covid-19 lockdown so I am very much available to write for the next two weeks at least.

How did you stumble upon Walt?

Through the Zane Holtz tumblr tag!

Did you read the rules?

Yes indeedy!

Are you sure?

~

Character you want?

Sadie Teage

Please describe the character for us

I would describe Sadie as the Star tarot card flipped upside down. A girl with so much potential and love and trust in her heart that was cruelly ripped from her by the real world leaving her distrustful, angry and prone to self sabotaging for her own protection . A girl who could have been a kind reflection of her mother or as brilliant as her brother Logan but who had her self confidence poisoned by her malicious father and his evil ways. A girl with a guarded heart and no faith in humanity, a scorpion in a world of frogs. A girl who deep down is still suffering silently, wanting for a better life but never being able to see past the next rent due day. A girl who constantly counts her pennies to keep food on the table for Beckham, who never once lets herself live because she is too afraid of what would happen if she did

Second character choice

No secondary character interest at this time.

It’s time to see that sample para.

Sadie’s dry and cracked lips rested against the battered, old chipped mug that held a substantial amount of bitter black coffee, the heat from the liquid rose up danced against her sharp chin as she shivered all over. The apartment felt as cold as Dante’s Inferno and as her bony fingers decorated with thick rings clutched onto the mug for dear life her gaze drifted towards the open door of Beckham’s room. Sadie exhaled shakily, allowing herself the time to collect her thoughts before her younger brother returned home. Against the plug on the kitchen wall and attached to a charger falling to pieces her phone began to vibrate itself to the edge of the counter. Sadie caught it with one hand just as it began to dangle and frowned at her landlords name across the screen. Locking her phone she placed it back down on the cool counter and rolled her eyes at the charger that had given up. “Piece of crap.” she muttered walking away to the kitchen table where a small notebook containing numbers rested. Setting down her steaming mug of will to live, Sadie propped her hair out of her face and took a seat alone at the table.

Budgeting; something Sadie was not the best it but something that was a necessity to how she survived from week to week. Her income stretched as thinly as she could possibly make it to have her ends met, the empty cupboards mocked her as she scribbled down a grocery list of baked beans, rice, coffee, bread, eggs, milk and porridge. Her gaze once again shifted to Beckham’s room as the temptation to borrow a few dollars built up inside her but almost as quick as it appeared Sadie ushered it out of her brain feeling sick. “New low point Sadie.. new low point” she sighed. Sadie was all too used to ‘borrowing’ from people, a five finger discount at stores, a free sample enthusiast but taking something from her family was a level she couldn’t bare to bring herself down to. Drumming her fingers against the table Sadie pondered on whether or not to contact Logan about her financial situation, ask Beckham contribute more and buy his own damn sugar if he wanted it that badly but she sadly shut down the thoughts feeling guilty. Even know she still wanted to protect them in her own way, not letting them know how bad things were getting would save them in the long run or at least that what she told herself.

Sitting back against the old wooden chair with a wobbly leg Sadie reached for her mug and swallowed a hot gulp of coffee, grimacing at the bitter aftertaste, maybe Beckham was onto something about his sugar. “Fuck– what am I supposed to do..” she whispered to the empty kitchen. Rent was due, the heating was broken, the cupboards were empty and her phone was about to call it a day. Everything was crumbling down around her, the fresh start she swore to herself would be different was now looking more like a hopeful dream she used to have a child. Sadie felt foolish, how did she let herself think she could be anything other than a pitiful, useless child. Tears stung in the back of her eyes as she tried to push back the overwhelming memories of her Father’s violence and heartbreaking words. Sadie knew from a young age she wouldn’t amount to much, that was Logan, she would always just be trailing behind on his coat tails keeping the electricity running. Hot tears ran down her face as Sadie began to imagine her life turning out like her mother’s, no escape from poverty, no happiness, just three rotten children and a house falling down around her.

Quickly Sadie rose to her feet pushing back the chair, she wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her shirt and wiped her nose after. She began to make her way across the kitchen breathing deeply to contain the emotions. Crying wouldn’t solve anything, but getting shit done would. Sadie unplugged her dead and gone charger from the wall and picked up her phone before walking back to the table. She grabbed her jacket off the chair back and her note pad from the table, stuffing it into her pockets. Walking towards the apartment door she fumbled for her key and began to type up a message.

[MSG; ORION]:: hey. you around? feel like causing some chaos.

Anything else, love?

I haven’t rp’d in like two years so this is me kind of coming back to the scene. Very rusty but if I am successful in joining your lovely group I hope to get back to speed and relearn everything all over again.

Also i am kind of obsessed with TNBC so I apologize in advance!

#accepted #waaccept #disney rp #bio rp #rp #rpg #roleplay

[theshy1derwoman]

A little bit of loneliness

Its pretty common to feel alone. The irony of it all is that we feel it together; and this was said by rupi kaur herself and it could not be more true. why are we so desperate to be wanted but the minute we get it, we turn away from it. 

This isn’t about being sad when your best friend goes home for the day but when you feel an emptiness or a void in yourself. Its almost like an ache and it becomes agitated and the only solution you can think to combat this loneliness is...more loneliness. You want to get out of a situation full of people where you feel completely on your own and go back home to feel “comfortably” alone. It might seem like a good thing and others call it introverted but in the long run it is the equivalent to suffering.

I read somewhere that the number one cause of suicides was feeling alone. Wonder why its done alone? When nobody is around? When nobody can see you? Why its done in an even more painful way? People tend to end their pain one last time with more pain. Its a heavy debate as to why people choose to self harm. People find it as a form of relief. They only know one feeling; pain. How to deal with their demons? Pain. Maybe that might “kill” the said demons. Maybe that is the only way a person knows how to feel.

 one of the main reasons we drift away from people is when we are physically kept from each other; in other words, distance. to be honest, whoever said that distance makes the heart grow fonder was an idiot. in reality, and with all kinds of relationships it doesn’t work like that and especially when you have so much technology and social media. Have you ever thought about how having every form of social media is actually reinforcing the fact that you have no excuse for replying late to messages/not replying at all and missed calls? how many times have you looked down at your phone, seen an message notification and not replied within the next five minutes? if you reply too soon; you are desperate, too late you are lazy. either way you don’t really gain any favour, you have to be willing to talk and if you don’t then that becomes a problem when you try to make friends.

I’ve been alone most of my life. Whatever friends i had at the time i drifted from because i didn’t put in tha effort myself. Once the other person ALSO stops putting effort in, you kinda lost that friendship. But maybe this is a gender thing? I mean girls are more prone to talking crap and being bitchy about each other so when communication stops, assumptions come in. “She’s so weird, she doesn’t wanna talk, she’s too busy for me etc” with guys it doesn’t matter if you meet after 1 month or 1 year, guys don’t really care, they just want company. That’s probably why guys get along better with each other as well as the opposite gender. There is no overthinking involved; you just do it.

How do people who constantly feel alone cope?

i have felt all forms of loneliness and at times when it got really bad i would think ‘nobody wants me around, nobody understands the way that i feel, they would be better off without me’. and at the time i honestly believed it. my inability to talk to open and freely, to make friends instantly was and still is one of the biggest reasons why I am still somewhat alone. being shy and really having nothing to say is not good enough either especially when you are at school. first impressions are always the last unfortunately and once a person can get a vibe off you that you don’t talk much, then that makes you unapproachable hence finding a good friend becomes difficult because you rely on the first conversation but they are not that willing to talk to you. i mean i have had it like this for a while and lets just say that the past four years have put a damper on my confidence and in my head i just feel like i can’t make friends and i won’t be able to because of what might have happened at my last university. 

so back to the question, well the answer is in it. you just cope with it. suck it up and deal with the fact that you will continue to struggle making friends unless you miraculously start talking about everything and anything again. for me personally, its a confidence issue and at university, an age issue. i don’t have to say my age to a bunch of 18 year olds but the differences lies in conversation topics, interests and just the whole nature of how they are in their year. of course i might be overthinking it and i don’t mean that everyone is like this. i have met some nice people in my course so far but i don’t really feel a sense of belonging. i have three years to pull through in this course and i don’t mind doing it alone becuase i have always been used to my solitude. i can’t really say for sure and its quite stupid of me to form an opinion only 2 days into my course but honestly i can’t help it and i need something for my blog which was long overdue.

ALSO

I guess a great time right now would be to also talk about mental health (because its mental health awareness week). I’m not trying to justify being alone, its not something to take lightly. It does consume you and once you start being alone, you begin to NOT crave as much company. Being alone doesn’t involve much conversation hence that “loner” next to you or who is always in your class struggles to make friends. They just don’t know how to talk really. Its not a matter of “just be confident” people go through different emotions, people have different problems so the same generalised solution is not always the answer. And remember that loneliness is just a small frsgment of mental health. Other things can affect this mindset and all it takes is just a small conversation.

I mean for me; I’m just deathly shy to talk to people sometimes(okay all the time), i’m underconfident, i have low self esteem i mean i’m on the borderline but I’ve allowed myself to wallow in this self pity because that’s all i’ve known how to feel; at least for the past few years or so. It was something that made me feel at least human that i was allowed to feel some kind of emotion. I mean, im kind if rambling but what i want to really say is that feeling this way is only temporary, it is REALLY difficult but all you need is a clear mindset. It won’t happen overnight but at one point you will realise that you are not alone and that people do care, people can even relate and it doesn’t have to stay that way either.

>this kind of seemed like  a little rant and a ramble but i needed a new post because it was way overdue.<

#blog #blogging #blogger #lifestyle #my life #life #school #loneliness #writing #thoughts #writer #words #worldmentalhealthday

[taffystake]

Heroes In Crisis #7 Review

Written by: Tom King

Art by: Clay Mann, Travis Moore, and Jorge Fornes

Colors by: Tomeu Morey

So....remember how I said I was usually positive? Its time to get real negative because.....holy crap, does this comic make me utterly detest the writer. While I have undeniably enjoyed some of Tom King’s other work, Heroes In Crisis has driven me to madness with some of the most painfully slow, agonizingly self-reflective, and utterly meaningless writing I’ve seen. The fact this mystery comic has been more content to dwell on everything BUT the mystery just makes it all the more painful. But...I’ll try and start with the one positive....

The art for this comic is actually very good looking, with a lot of the character designs, backgrounds, and motion being conveyed extremely well. The art does a lot of good work conveying subtle emotional shifts, which helps to get across some of the points that, honestly, the writing is horrible at doing. If it weren’t for the art being as good as it is, this comic could rightfully just die in a ditch. Please let Clay Mann get some better writing for his art after this travesty.

Now then....the plot. After a few pages of watching Wally fuck around in a flowery meadow, we get to watch Harley manically sing as she attempts to bludgeon and stab Booster Gold to death. A very unsuccessful death, as his shield generator is back online. Leaving Batgirl and Blue Beetle to talk about the insanity of all this. After an interlude with Wally West’s interview from his first week at Sanctuary that....just establishes how cheery and bright he was before this comic ever happened, we get another interlude with The Flash rushing to Batman to get help finding Booster and Blue Beetle.

As Blue and Batgirl watch, Blue lets slip Booster’s shield only stays online while Blue is conscious. so Batgirl knocks him out. And then Harley continues beating on Booster Gold. Another interlude of Wally losing his cheery nature to this place later and another interlude of Batman and Flash hunting Booster Gold later, we jump to booster pleading for death, which...Harley fails to oblige. After admitting her manic singsong has apparently been her attempt at superhero banter, we get....another interlude of Wally West, which packs in the most blatant audience jab in this entire comic while also demonstrating his continuing downgrade into mopey bitch from his normal personality.

....Screw it, I’m going off on the audience jab here. Wally West’s revival at the beginning of Rebirth was meant as a sign that hope, legacy, and hero families would once again become the norm within the DC Universe after the New 52 did its best to kill all of those off. And so Wally is apparently feeling the weight of being this symbol of hope. EXCEPT there is no in-universe reason for him to be seen as ANY FORM OF A GODDAMN SYMBOL OF HOPE! NONE! NADAH! Even the one thing that could justify it, becoming a Blue Lantern at one time, doesn’t account for this because he lists all the shit his life has gone through chronologically and the Blue Lantern thing was before the New 52 reboot. So this is just Tom King taking a cheap shot at people WHO LEGITIMATELY WANTED A GODDAMN BEACON OF FUN AND HOPE THAT HE DECIDED TO KILL FOR THIS AWFUL EVENT!

....okay, Im good. For now. So after.......that, we see Wally’s hand generate electricity and bring to life a bud that grows. And grows. And grows. And grows until it becomes human-sized, opening itself to reveal a very Swamp Thing-esque Poison Ivy that he has apparently revived. Back with Booster and the others, they begin discussing Wally’s body being five days older than the others and how they are now five days after the Sanctuary massacre, so obviously Wally is alive and somewhere out there.

Fucking what. Im sorry, but we’re using evidence that a Flash is a few days older than normal to declare he must be alive five days after the slaughter. Two things: One, this entire run hasn’t done a goddamn thing to set up a fucking bit of chronology. If they hadn’t said it was five days after here, Id have thought anywhere from two days to five fucking weeks might have been the timeline here. Two, we are trusting this time DNA thing to be correct. On a Flash. GUYS WHO RUN SO FAST THEY TIME TRAVEL ON THE REGULAR. AND ITS ON THE ONE WHO CAME BACK FROM LITERAL OBLIVION IN THE SPEED FORCE! SO FOR ALL ANYONE KNOWS, EVEN IF THIS EVIDENCE PROVES FLASH LIVED PAST THE SLAUGHTER AND HIS BODY WAS TIME TRAVELED BACK, IT COULD BE A FEW HOURS AFTER TO A MONTH AFTER! 

But no, after we get the four stooges settled on their team name, we see Batman and Flash noticed their efforts to use Skeets to find where the hell Wally is. And it turns out he is alive in the flower meadow, talking to the revived Poison Ivy and saying he is sorry because he hurt her and she’s about to see something else. What thing exactly? Why, Wally West arrive from five days in the past to kill himself.

Yep. Wally West, the cheeriest man in the DC Universe, is the one who slaughtered all of the residents of Sanctuary. A bunch of heroes, a few villains, and most notably his best friend Roy Harper.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?!

THIS! THIS IS THE BIG FUCKING TWIST OF HEROES IN CRISIS! THE KILLER IN THIS MURDER MYSTERY IS ONE OF THE VICTIMS! AND NOT JUST ANY VICTIM, THE ONE VICTIM WHO SPENT HIS WHOLE TIME IN SANCTUARY WALLOWING IN SELF PITY AND STARING AT HIS NAVEL SO MUCH HE CAN COUNT THE HAIRS! THIS ISN’T FUCKING PROBLEMATIC AT ALL!

....Now then. To explain. This entire series was solicited as a murder mystery and as a way to look at the psychological impact of their actions on superheroes. And with this single issue, this limited series has proven it has no FUCKING IDEA WHAT EITHER OF THOSE MEAN! The mystery, if you can call it that, was who exactly managed to kill everyone at Sanctuary. But the comic delays getting anything beyond slow diatribes about the heroes and the fallout from this place being slaughtered until issue 6 out of 9. And the one piece of evidence it gives is fucking meaningless because of who it involves, until this issue when the comic decides to establish exactly how many days its been since the Sanctuary slaughter and also establishes for sure that the evidence actually meant fucking anything. So figuring out who the murderer was could’ve been accomplished by a monkey and a dartboard more accurately than actual detective work.

And on the psychological front, this comic is a fucking travesty. Harley Quinn basically rides the bipolar seesaw in the most painfully cliche ways it can possibly use, having her manically singing songs and stabbing people before spontaneously breaking down into tears and regrets. But its worst affront is with Wally, as revealed in this issue. He went into what is essentially therapy a happy and well-adjusted person and came out of it so dour and ruined that he apparently decided to SLAUGHTER DOZENS OF HEROES AND FRIENDS OF HIS!!!! Which, despite being a comic proclaiming that it deals with mental issues, manages to make going to therapy look like a thing for people too dumb to just suppress their issues and die from the resultant tension. Wally goes in chipper and bright, and came out homicidal despite having NOTHING POINTING TOWARDS THAT AT ANY POINT IN HIS HISTORY!!! This comic understands mental trauma and mental illness like I understand Sumerian. FUCKING ABYSSMALLY!!!!

#heroes in crisis #dc #dc comics #tom king #comics #comic #comic book #comic books #review #comic review #taffys take #KILL THIS COMIC GODDAMN YOU #BURN IT AT THE STAKE

[my30s-blog1]

My personal paradigm shift...

So let me begin by telling you a little about myself. Im Gemma, I am 31 years old and have spent most of my adulthood dedicated to my career, travel and just not really giving a crap about the future. This morning I woke up at 230 am and could not get back to sleep. My mind began working in overdrive, thoughts spinning around, pointless Facebook video led to pointless Facebook video. Then it hit me, like a punch in the chest. ‘Im 31!!! What the hell are you doing with your life?’

The fact that I was watching friends on my iPad as background noise may have helped  shift me into this panic stricken state. ‘The one where they all turn 30..’ I have distinct memories of watching this episode and enjoying the halfheartedness of it. Thinking to myself ‘ wow 30 is so far away, you are going to be fine’ .... But not today, oh god not today. 

So let me get something straight before I babble on. This is not some pity party for the single 31 year old women who has focused on her career and is suddenly yearning for a husband and a baby. This is a women who has had many years of internal conflict and has not really dealt with it until this year. This blog is very personal to me and a way for me to express how I feel. Things get all jumbled in my head and I find getting it down on paper is the best way to deal with it. Plus what 40/50 year old doesn’t want to read a blog they wrote in their 30′s? if anything Im giving my future self a pretty cool, and somewhat cringe-worthy gift. Future Gemma, your welcome, enjoy the ramblings, I hope you figure shit out. 

Ok so a little bit of background information, lets make sense of this whole situation and what has lead to this moment in time, I am a Nurse, I work hard and have nearly finished a masters degree. I finally have the job of my dreams and will have the financial freedom to do whatever it is i got to do. 

I am currently living with a friend. My dear friend Jon. Jon is a beautiful man, a handsome, kind and down to earth man. We have been friends for about 8 years now and our relationship has just organically blossomed with little effort needed. I love those kind of friendships. No guilt or unwanted commitment, just good friends who have a good time together. I have been living here for about 2 months now. I previously lodged with a couple for 3 years who I adored. I work in the city so moved there about 9 years ago. Left the small town and never looked back. I always felt like i never belonged there anyways. Just found it difficult to connect with local people, other than my close group of school friends and family. Since moving to the city, I have rented various properties, living with an ex- boyfriend, staying with a friend for 6 months, living with single friends who inevitably met their partners and moved on. Until I lived with  Rachel and Kyle, The perfect couple who put up with me for three years. I loved that family and their son who joined us about 1 year in and the dog. Oh Roxy, how i miss you the most! But I got way to comfortable, never an empty house, never time to be alone and actually motivate myself to date. I plodded along with work, friends and study until it became very clear this year that I was not really being the person I wanted to be. I decided to get some counselling sessions, I had been working on my physical health for so long and never really got far so decided to tackle the mental barriers I obviously had. 

Counselling is probably the best thing I could have done for myself. I would highly recommend it to everyone. It has given me clarity on a lot of previous issues.

Anyways, back to the point in matter. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?! 

I have always focused on my career up until this point. Always felt content with my decisions because once my career was sorted I could then concentrate on other aspects of my life. So fast forward to now, this very moment in time. Its 6.45 am and as i long for my second cup of tea, I have a few decisions I need to make. I decided to move back to  my home town to save, Jon has a huge house and is not here that often due to work commitments and a long distance relationship with David. So it felt like a natural decision to move home and sort myself out. I woke up today and realised, I want a child. I want to have those sleepless nights and commit my time to growing a human being. This is never something I have admitted before. I have always remained  nonchalant about the issue, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't then that is fine too. 

But its not fine anymore. Its not fine that I think to find someone I have to loose weight and have my own house and all these other things that are just a way of stalling myself and stopping myself putting it out there. 

This blog is a way of processing my thoughts and I am hoping to get some much needed motivation to reach my goal. I need to get confident, go on some dates and look after number one. To some people that is just common sense, That is what life is about, To me, it is terrifying, the thought of being vulnerable and actually romantically interested in someone terrifies me so much. It terrifies me so much I have not dated in over 6 years! 

I have dabbled in online dating over the years, but never seem to click with these men. It has always felt like it infringed on my precious spare time. I have signed up to dating websites, paid the fees and hoped it would spark some sort of flame inside me to seek ‘the one’. Well it hasn’t , not one bit. If anything it has cemented my belief that ‘the one’ doesn't exist. The world is full and you are not meant to be in a relationship, sorry there is  no one left for you. You had your fun, now deal it with and start bulk buying cats. 

So this blog is purely for my own entertainment/ life goals. I am lonely. I have to address it and at least try to change it. I long for love, I want to share my life with someone. I also want to stop feeling like there is no hope. There are ways of being a single parent, I will also be exploring this option, Let the personal paradigm shift begin.......

[beatconductor-blog]

AA: y0u tried t0 c0ntact me? AA: s0rry i was busy being a...grub

😎: i got as much yeah 😎: i guess you ungrubbed 😎: bc listen uh 😎: shits wild 😎: hey you know how you told me sometimes i gotta risk shit 😎: im having second thoughts AA: d0 tell 😎: id rather not 😎: jk 😎: just uh 😎: give me a moment 😎: alright so uh 😎: hey funny story did you know socks also called dave 😎: and also i shouldnt be here in the first place and this is probably the biggest mistake of my life and boy i did a lot of those AA: ... hm AA: i supp0se i AA: c0uld have put th0se things t0gether already 😎: could you or did you 😎: and does that mean were in unanimous agreement that i should gtfo yeah kay cool AA: i did n0t AA: and n0 AA: where d0 y0u want t0 gtf0 t0 😎: yanno 😎: anywhere else thats not here 😎: out of this city 😎: this universe 😎: peoples life > Deleted. AA: hmm AA: let me c0nsider this briefly AA: n0 😎: okay 😎: but uh 😎: i guess shits a lil awkward 😎: like someone shitting into the punch bowl at a wedding awkward(edited) AA: a little bit yes AA: but y0u didnt kn0w did y0u? AA: y0u still d0nt kn0w the full st0ry i assume 😎: yeah no 😎: but i know a lot of other shit 😎: and just 😎: well shit 😎: i guess this is all a lil too much too handle 😎: and im kinda still panicing 😎: look arent you proud of my incredible self-awareness AA: y0u d0nt have t0 handle it right n0w y0u kn0w AA: y0u are pr0bably still sh0cked y0u sh0uldnt decide anything right n0w 😎: alright whos gonna do the deciding then tho AA: im deciding y0u need a g00d hug 😎: sounds like a sound decision AA: im c0ming 0ver then 😎: alrighty 😎: uh ara 😎: thanks

Coco 👑Yesterday at 8:19 PM > There's a knock on Dave's door about half an hour later. rootyYesterday at 8:31 PM > There's a loud noise as something gets knocked over, and then most more hasty scrambling. Then a moment of silence, which totally isn't you trying to make yourself look somewhat presentable right in front of the door, nope. > Then you open the door. And boy, it's a mess. You and the apartment. You look like you didn't sleep in three days, which is probably about right, and there's stuff all over the apartment because you most likely didn't stay in a single spot for more than five minutes. > Also, a soft cawing from like three crows that got very comfy inside because of a window that's been open for just as long. Coco 👑Yesterday at 8:39 PM You got worried that whatever got knocked over was Dave for a moment there but he does manage to open up the door, so that's something. The mess inside is easy to ignore, you know Dave well enough and you grew up with a bunch of brothers. The mess that is Dave though... Utterly pitiful. You just pull him into a tight hug right there in the door. rootyYesterday at 9:02 PM Oh, you didn't expect that to go so quick but... Man, you didn't realize how much you really needed that. You stand there awkardly for a moment, then your arms try to find their way somewhere through Aradia's mane. You realize there's no way you can say anything without your voice shaking, so you choose to just be quiet and let that happen. Coco 👑Yesterday at 9:31 PM Nothing a good long hug can't at least make a little better right? But all good things must end so you eventually let go of him to make your way to his couch, kicking off whatever crap is on there. You gesture at him to come sit with you. "You look like shit Dave." It's important to be honest right? rootyYesterday at 9:38 PM "I know." There it was, the shaky voice. And that half laugh didn't really cover it up. You gladly follow her to the couch though and let yourself drop next to her. And... then what? Being honest sounds like a good plan, but you honestly don't know where to even start. So you opt to just bury your face into her and let out a long-drawn-out noise. Coco 👑Yesterday at 10:01 PM "Shhh..." You just pet the mess in your arms. What can you even say about this whole mess? Not a lot. God knows he has every right t be fucked up over it. rootyYesterday at 10:26 PM

Oh hey is it getting wet or is that just you? No, it's totally not your face that's leaking. After a couple of minutes you actually manage to calm down some and turn, so you're lying somewhat comfy on Aradia's lap and just start babbling on your own as the silence gets unbrearable. 

 "So... you know... Sock being a Dave isn't really the problem. I've- I've talked with alternates before. That of other people and my own. The multiverse is a big and weird place. The issue is that he's, like, THE Dave. The- the one from here. I- I almost forgot this isn't my place... That I came from somewhere else. But... I didn't think he'd exist. He wasn't there. There was only Bro and- Fuck, Bro..." Your voice cracks, but you're not done yet. 

"The shit he said about Bro. I thought he was a better one...." Now you're done, as your voice slowly dies in your throat. Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:05 PM This is actually the first time you have seen Dave become this undone and it's breaking your heart. Worst of all there's so little you can really do for him except for stroking his hair in a weak attempt to calm him down. 

"You couldn't have known that about him though. You didn't know he's around when you arrived here right? Don't blame yourself for something that was out of your control." 

Bro though... It hits you just now how little you actually know about this man beyond him existing somewhere maybe. That's about all Dave ever told you and Sock never spoke about him at all until just yesterday. 

"How...How did Bro treat you then?"

rootyYesterday at 11:16 PM

Don't Blame Yourself is a real big fucking word for you. Aradia should know that. But then again, hearing that little reassurance from her was kind of helped. "Better than him..." This one did, at least. It's not that you wanted to keep anything hidden from Aradia this time, but more than you yourself were absolutely not ready to delve into whatever the fuck you left behind.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:25 PM

You know that's asking a lot of him but damn, there's nothing to be gained by blaming himself for everything all the damn time. "Well... Perhaps he wanted to make up for how he treated Sock? Whatever the reason, that's not your fault either." rootyYesterday at 11:34 PM

Your hand finds hers and just... holds it. Presses it against your head. The more contact, the better. The only way to make this all somewhat more bearable."This whole thing is a fuck." Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:39 PM

You other hand finds his cheek and gently pets it. Shhh... "It is. But it's not your fuck, you are just along for the ride. That and.. You don't even have the full story do you? Like why Sock wasn't around? Don't run away to earth before you at least talked to him okay?"

rootyYesterday at 11:43 PM

"I'm not, alright. I'm just... I don't know." The touch helped. Something nice you could focus on. "God, he must be freaking out..."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:47 PM

You can have plenty of touches Dave. "Probably, yeah... But he's at home, I'm sure he's safe."

rootyYesterday at 11:50 PM

But can you really be sure, Aradia. You sigh. "What do I even say to him.."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:51 PM

"Well knowing you guys... Some awkward introduction while you both pretend everything is fine until you eventually break down enough to actually tell each other what's on your mind."

rootyYesterday at 11:53 PM

You actually finally open your eyes and give her an annoyed look. Mostly annoyed because you know she's right. "Thing is I still don't know what's on my mind. It's all a mess. ..I don't wanna leave him hanging though."

Coco 👑Today at 12:01 AM

"Well we're here to try to sort your thoughts a little."

rootyToday at 12:10 AM

"Well uh. Here's a thought: I hate everything that's happening.  I want him to be alright though."

Coco 👑Today at 12:15 AM

"Sounds reasonable. Sounds like there's no way around talking to him too though."

rootyToday at 12:19 AM

You gesture with your free arm. "Well yeah but how!! 'Hey Sock I know things are hella awkward but I appreciate you' doesn't really cut it does it?"

Coco 👑Today at 12:23 AM

"Why not?"

rootyToday at 12:24 AM

"..." You stare at her. "Does it?" Listen. Aradia should know you're bad at this.

Coco 👑Today at 12:30 AM

"It's a start isn't it? It's reassuring to hear that you still care for him!"

rootyToday at 12:31 AM

"I guess. I hate how everyone always makes that shit sound so simple."

Coco 👑Today at 12:38 AM

"It's not simple. It's really hard, but it's important. You just have to try to explain as best as you can and it'll be okay...ish."

rootyToday at 12:40 AM

"Okayish. Now that sounds realistic for once." Actually, okayish sounds pretty okay. Better than what's going on right now.

Coco 👑Today at 12:41 AM

"Okayish can turn into okay with time and some work you know? It doesn't have to be okay right away."

rootyToday at 12:44 AM

You make some frustrated noises. "Why can't it just be okay right away."

Coco 👑Today at 12:48 AM

"You can't just cheat your way past everything else, that's why." You get his frustration though. He get's a big forehead kiss.

rootyToday at 12:52 AM

You pout. "I can still try." But you've actually managed to calm down a bunch. Who knows, maybe not everything would go up in flames.

Coco 👑Today at 12:58 AM

Boop his nose. "Your cheap cheat codes won't work on your brain Dave. Can't glitch through that things walls either." He looks a little better and that makes you smile.

rootyToday at 1:02 AM

"Hey now. You haven't even seen half of what I'm capable of yet. The other half got stuck in the floor once." Her smile actually makes you smile. Damn those gross contagious feelings.

Coco 👑Today at 1:03 AM

"Did you take pictures of your messy glitchy brain? I'd love to see them."

rootyToday at 1:07 AM

"Yeah, but it all looks like vaporwave and dick jokes. Kinda lame, if you ask me."

Coco 👑Today at 1:12 AM

"Aw. I do like this silly brain of yours a lot."

rootyToday at 1:14 AM

"Getting quite mushy there, miss."

Coco 👑Today at 1:15 AM

"Oh no! I will turn it down!" You pull away your hands. No more pets.

rootyToday at 1:17 AM

Oh. No!!! Your desperate noises say that you liked that. Don't take hands away.

Coco 👑Today at 1:18 AM

"But Dave...I can't keep on touching you. That's mushy."

rootyToday at 1:22 AM

"Aw shit. That's a problem. What do you advise?"

Coco 👑Today at 1:29 AM

"Allowing me to mush you up"

rootyToday at 1:30 AM

You wrinkle your nose in fake disgust. "Aw man. Fine. Just this once."

Coco 👑Today at 1:35 AM

Kiss his cheek.

rootyToday at 1:37 AM

Oh. Oh no that's more mush than you expected. And makes you blush a little. Just a little.

Coco 👑Today at 1:40 AM

"Don't get all mushy on me Dave."

rootyToday at 1:41 AM

"Shut up. I'm not. You are."

Coco 👑Today at 1:49 AM

Kiss his nose.

rootyToday at 1:53 AM

Eeeeeeee alright that's getting too much for you to handle. "Okay alright yep." You sit up and rub your face. She can't see how much you're blushing when your back is turned to her. It's like for a moment you actually forgot how much of a crush you got on her. Whoops.

Coco 👑Today at 1:56 AM

"We already done with the cuddling?" You pout.

rootyToday at 4:44 AM

"Sorry girl, I know you can't resist me. I just don't want you to overdose on this Strider quality." Super smooth safe. Almost as if you didn't learn anything.

#logs

[yujachachacha]

AWM 2017 recap

Things I saw at AWM today plus some bonus content I was informed of by other attendees of the event (roughly in chronological order):

Cinderella Girls

- I know next to nothing about this series except that Rin and Uzuki and that Love Laika duo are popular yuri ships lol.

- I already forgot their setlist OTL sorry I’d probably remember if I listened to some of their songs again. I think they performed 5? STAR, GOIN…uh…

- They pretty much spoke Japanese the entire time and were impressed that the audience seemed to be following along well despite that.

- They did a live skit or something? They showed clips from the anime(?) for each character and had them read a script live. Was pretty cute.

- Lit songs of the set list: YES PARTY TIME (is…is that the right title lol I just remember screaming those words a lot), and of course their closing song Onegai Cinderella.

- Okay to be exact all the songs were exciting but those two were particularly lit. iM@S songs have somewhat difficult calls (at least compared to Aqours) but those two songs are pretty easy to follow along with for wotaing even if you’re not at all familiar with the series.

- They performed one song I wasn’t familiar with because it wasn’t on the AWM Day 0 fan-compiled playlist nor the CG callbook _(:3 」∠)_ I believe this was one of their opening songs, so I started off the concert vaguely waving my KB and chanting “HAI HAI HAI HAI Uhhhh I don’t know the calls for this OOOH HAI OOOH HAI”, thanks for carrying the rest of us, Producers 👌

- Okay a friend has told me that song is Yumeiro Harmony? RIP.

Wake Up, Girls!

- 6 songs performed: Tachiagare!, Koi? de Ai? de Boukun Desu!, SHOUJO KOUKYOUKYOKU, Beyond the Bottom, 7 Girls War, Gokujou Smile. I…already forgot the exact order of the songs, but I *think* at least the first two are in the right places. Beyond the Bottom was close to the end iirc.

- I watched a grand total of 3 episodes of the anime plus the first movie so I’m not particularly familiar with the series, but I got attached to Minyami…to no one’s surprise lol, she happens to be the character whose image color is yellow and has a “nya” catchphrase 🙃 I screamed whenever she got a solo part she’s so cute aaah

- Mayushii is such a good singer holy fuck, kinda reminds me of a super-ikemen Emitsun (except ever since I saw a niconama of her crying hysterically over a horror game I can’t take her seriously :3c).

- They were saying things about having the audience smile or something as a lead-in into Gokujou Smile lol

- They tried to speak a bit of English, but it was mostly basic stuff. They were cute. :)

- I broke a UG (Ultra Green, the green version of a UO/Ultra Orange - which y'all might be familiar with from Snow halation) for Tachiagare and I lost my shit because Shukamod couldn’t find her UG, and she ended up breaking like 4-6 UBs (Ultra Blue, for songs like KoiAqua and MIRAI TICKET) unintentionally in her frantic search for one before I took pity on her and gave her my spare lol.

- SHOUJO KKK was motherfucking lit, everyone lost their shit at the hips great choreography and deep voices.

- Lowkey sad that they didn’t perform 16 sai no Agape because it’s the first WUG song I knew (thanks to King’s ANiUTa playlist) but I don’t have any complaints about their performance tbh. They are really, really good dancers and Mayushii’s singing is so damn ikemen I died.

- Everyone else in ONIBE was 🍝 for Yoppi lol.

- 15min intermission afterwards.

Walkure

- Only 2 members performed but it was still lit~

- These two are so talented??? The audience (me included) completely lost their shit at Ikenai Borderline.

- Shukamod probably had a good laugh at me screaming shit like “OH MY GOD JUNNA IS 16 HOW TF IS SHE THIS GOOD WHAT AN IKEBO HOLY SHIT”

- oh yeah, setlist…uhhh…also can’t recall the titles from the top of my head, but Ichi Do Dake no Koi Nara was one I remember. Really good song holy mother of god.

- Friends have reminded me that there was 5, and the first song was Koi Halation, other was Bokura no Senjou, and also supplied the title of the last song (I know the calls but not the title lol).

- In the MC, JUNNA and Minori talked about how they were really impressed by the American burgers. They wanted recommendations for more delicious burgers and several people in the audience had to start a chant to help them remember. They started to say McDonald’s and everyone screamed in horror until they eventually caught on that people were chanting “In N Out” lmao.

- They spoke so much Engrish bless these kids

- For the MC before the last song (Run ga Pikatta Hikattara), Minori was trying to teach the audience the call for it and was pleasantly surprised when the audience automatically did the call once she started singing a specific part of the song without her having to spell it out for us. What do you take us for, casuals? >:|

- All the solo parts were done by Minori…dunno if that’s normal but that’s what I noticed ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Aqours

- These are somewhat arbitrary numbers but it seemed like that the audience was made of like 25% CG fans, 10% WUG fans, 5% Walkure fans, and then the rest were there for Aqours. Possibly even more for Aqours, since I saw an insane number of people wearing the caps from the You birthday set lol. I even spotted someone cosplaying Ruby from the recent Time Travel set on SIF, holy shit how did they assemble that costume for AX so quickly… Anyways, of course the entire theater went wild when Aqours was finally up to perform.

- Like for their Christmas minilive and 1st Live, the members entered 1 by 1 through a splash screen introducing their character by default member order (i.e. Chika-Riko-Kanan-Dia-You-etc).

- To no one’s surprise, they started with Aozora Jumping Heart. @saitou-shuka and I were pretty much screaming our hearts out from the start. Shukamod broke a mega UO during Shukashuu’s intro lmao.

- They were wearing their MIRAI TICKET outfits and their set list basically turned out to be almost identical to their ANiUPa setlist.

- MC (member introductions using their standard character speeches e.g. Kanan going “I guess my appeal point is my muscles?”) after Aozora. They went down the line in the order Aikyan-Furirin-King-Rikyako-Anchan-Shukashuu-Suwawa-Arisha-Ainya.

- They didn’t do their call and responses (T_T) and I noticed that right away when Aikyan went into her introduction, so after she finished speaking I screamed “OHAYOSHIKO” and a few people copied me, I think? Me and Shukamod ended up shouting the call & responses before or after each introduction lol.

- Aikyan mentioned that this was her first time in America with Aqours, and when King did her introduction she sounded so smug going “This is my second time zura~~~”

- Rikyako mentioned that this was actually the first overseas performance for Aqours (which I already knew but it’s still cool to be reminded again) and everyone was hyped.

- Screamed a lot during Shuka’s intro RIP my voice.

- Suwawa started her self-intro and forgot what her lines were partway through so we had a good laugh when she went “Eh, nandake?” all of a sudden lol.

- People were cheering loudly for Arisha partway through her introduction, so she shushed everyone and then went “suki” and everyone lost their shit again.

- Ainya is so tiny omg what a shiny smol girl

- I made the resolution to be the American version of that one guy who always screams “AAAAaIiiNYAAAaaaAAa” at Aqours lives, and according to Shukamod I did a pretty good replication of it :3c

- Rikyako and Suwawa were in charge of the English language MC and their English has gotten really, really good holy crap. Only complaint I would have was the line “Let’s enjoy with us!” (should be something like “Let’s have fun together” or w/e), but their pronunciation and speed were godly. Both spoke a lot, but Rikyako in particular was really active in repeating stuff said in Japanese into English.

- Ainya was really clingy with Arisha lol I don’t remember which MC it was during but Ainya kept hugging Arisha and stuff lol

- Rikyako then said that the next song would be from their first single and everyone got hyped for KimiKoko.

- SHUKA LEAPFROG IN HER MIRAI TICKET OUTFIT WOOHOO SEEING IT LIVE WAS WILD

- KOIAQUA AFTERWARDS WHOOOOOOO SHUKA’S DANCING WAS SO GOOD!!! Also according to some people in other seats there were some audience members who were doing the “IE TAIGAAAA” calls for this song 🙃 Shukamod and I each broke a handful of UBS for this of course haha

- Another MC/small break afterwards! Furirin did that routine she always does at Aqours lives where she suddenly collapses and asks if she can have a water break lol is this gonna be a regular routine now?

- SHUKA ACCIDENTALLY TOOK ANCHAN’S BOTTLE AND FLAILED AND SAID SOMETHING LIKE “OH NO I DRANK SO MUCH OF CHIKA-CHAN’S WATER”

- MIRAI TICKET was announced as the Ep 13 insert song to be performed next! It was fun breaking out the UOs and UBS for this song too~ The “we say yousoro” part was of course enthusiastically screamed by all the You fans in particular o7

- Surprise song Yume Kataru yori Yume Utaou! They brought out pom poms too! Ainya and Arisha had a really cute hug in this song :D According to others apparently the 1st years were also super clingy and were doing lots of group hugs and stuff

Miscellaneous

- I spotted someone trying to record a part of the concert in the beginning and got really mad and pointed it out to the members of ONIBE I was sitting with. We screamed something like “HEY FUCKER YOU WITH THE CAMERA STOP FUCKING RECORDING” at him after the song, which caused a lot of stares but did achieve the effect of getting him to stop.

- When Aqours finished, Anchan became the MC for the closing speeches at the end.

- Minori had a paper at the closing MC with a speech written in English on it lol. She tweeted a picture of it after the performance, but basically it’s something along the lines of “Thanks everyone, In n Out burgers No. 1!!!” lmao

- JUNNA couldn’t come on stage at the closing MC with all the artists at the end because minors (JUNNA is 16) aren’t allowed to work after 10pm lmao, I had been so confused and concerned until that announcement was made and then I just cracked up.

- I saw Anchan making an adorable pouty face during one of the other groups’ closing speech aaaah so precious.

- Furirin and Shukashuu were doing small “ganbaruby” motions off to the side bless these two :’D

- King kept doing the Ohanamaru pose too lol

- Apparently for the VIP meet & greet after the concert, someone did a “hagu shiyo” with their friend in front of Suwawa, and in response Suwawa did it too with Shukashuu.

- Sosa (Korean Twitter artist famous for their NozoEli video comic of Garasu no Hanazono) was apparently at AWM today…AND RECEIVED A CALLBOOK FROM ONIBE. I MIGHT HAVE WALKED PAST ONE OF THE KOREAN ARTISTS WHO’VE I’VE TRANSLATED FOR. I MIGHT HAVE EVEN HANDED ONE TO THEM. WHAT THE HELL??

#love live! sunshine!! #love live sunshine #aqours #awm2017 #ax2017 #wake up girls! #cinderella girls #walkure #seiyuu #my ramblings #gonna jot this down while it's still fresh in my head #im already forgetting stuff fml #hopefully I can remember some more things later...? #apologies for formatting I'm on mobile #I fucking screamed about Sosa reeee #the other ONIBE members were like 'omg stfu yuja u sound like ur dying r u ok' #rushed onto twitter once I found out to tweet at Sosa lol #based on Sosa's reply I...might have sounded a bit too creepily desperate whoops;;;