#im fine this is fine! the heartache of it all! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cafelattaes · 4 months

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death by a thousand cuts | njm

summary : in which you find yourself watching as jaemin gradually becomes out of reach; forcing you to confront the painful reality that your story is heading towards an inevitable end, even if you’re not ready to admit it.

pairing : jaemin x fem! reader

genre : college au, angst

word count : 2.5k

playlist : the last time, you’re losing me, sad beautiful tragic

in your dimly lit room, the blue light from your phone screen cast a cold hue as you stared at the last message you received from jaemin. you had been seeing the same words for what felt like an eternity, as if they were mocking you, each repetition intensifying the sense of heartache and resignation you felt.

'i’ll be right back'

you let out a heavy sigh, carrying the burden of disappointment and frustration. a week had passed in the blink of an eye, and his silence felt louder than ever. you were stuck in a cycle of waiting, hoping things would change with each passing moment.

jaemin’s words had become an echo of broken promises. it wasn't the first time, but the disappointment still hurt. you glanced at the screen, feeling a mix of emotions. the exhaustion of always being the only one begging for effort and acknowledgement bore down on you. with a heavy heart, you set your phone down, facing the reality that you needed to let go of the relationship that no longer served you.

paper cuts had turned into gashes. the resentment over small things, continuously dismissed thinking they weren't significant enough, had boiled over, sending you to your gradual demise.

FIVE MONTHS AGO

'hey jaem, are you doing something right now? i miss you :('

‘i’m sorry, baby. i'm not done with my cases and research yet. also we’re studying for upcoming exams’

‘oh, okay. no worries! make sure to get enough rest when you’re home.’

‘you too, love’

a twinge of sadness and disappointment crept into your heart. while you understood the gravity of jaemin's aspirations and the difficult nature of dating a medical student, the challenges of your on-and-off relationship lingered. this was the longest you had gone through with jaemin without breaking up. resisting the urge to let past grievances resurface, you chose to keep most of your emotions to yourself, knowing that voicing them out was not going to make anything better and would only add to his stress. you didn't want to burden jaemin with your feelings or ignite conflicts during a time where his focus needed to be on his studies.

you busied yourself by scrolling through your phone and randomly navigating your friends' instagram stories. jeno's post grabbed your attention, featuring a group picture that included your boyfriend. however, your focus shifted when you noticed eunbin among the faces. her connection with jaemin as his childhood friend, as well as her evident feelings for him even before you entered the picture, weighed on your mind. you felt a bit uneasy thinking about the situation. you wondered if her being around might bring back unresolved feelings or make things even more complicated for you and jaemin.

you tossed your phone on the bed, redirecting your attention to something else to shake off the sudden drop in mood. even though you didn't want to feel jealous of eunbin, it was hard not to. she liked your boyfriend and confessed to him before you got together. despite his reassurances and the clear boundaries he set, a pang of jealousy still remained. you had to accept eunbin's role as one of his closest friends, a constant presence in his life. there was not much you could do to change it.

after a long day of busying yourself to focus more on your academic life, you felt your phone buzz with a text message from jaemin.

‘hey! are you free today? let’s go on a date :) i miss you a lot.’

‘sorry, im too tired to go out these days. i just want to rest after spending so much time studying’

‘oh no baby :( it’s fine. do you want anything? we can just stay and laze around all day in your place instead. but only if you want to’

‘okay’

an hour later, you heard a buzz at your door, and there was jaemin, wearing a smile and holding some of your favorite snacks. you took them from him as he settled into your place. while you prepared the food, jaemin came up from behind, giving you a hug and planting a gentle kiss on the back of your head. he then rested his chin on your shoulder.

"we don't see each other a lot these days. i missed you so much," your heart tightened, a sudden rush of longing and sadness enveloping you. you missed him a lot too. since you got back together, you've been suppressing a lot of your thoughts to avoid another breakup. however, the past few months have been challenging, and you felt like even the smallest thing might cause you to break down emotionally.

“i missed you too,” you whispered in reply.

jaemin was not clueless. you've been together for more than two years and he could easily sense if there was something off about you. he noticed that you began to distance yourself from him. your responses to his messages were brief and dry, picking up on the growing disconnection. he, too, was afraid to bring it up, opting to ignore the underlying problems that had been bothering both of you for a while. he would rather pretend as if everything was fine than risk a conversation and face the possibility of losing you again.

he feared that if you two were to break up once more, it might truly be the end. a sharp stab of pain coursed through his chest with that thought.

THREE MONTHS AGO

you were starting to fall asleep when your peace was suddenly interrupted by your phone ringing. noticing it was a call from mark, you answered.

‘mark?’

‘hey, y/n, sorry to bother you. can you pick jaemin up?’

‘huh? where?’

‘we’re at a bar right now, i’ll text you the address. i can’t bring all of us home and i also drank a little. hope you don’t mind.’

‘yeah, it’s fine. i’ll be on my way.’

‘thanks y/n.’

you left your place once you received the address from mark. you arrived at the bar a little later, scanning the place for the familiar group of guys. you spotted mark, struggling to separate himself from haechan's grasp.

“hey.”

“oh, y/n, you’re here.” jeno waved at you. “jaemin, your girlfriend’s here.” jeno shook him violently, prompting him to get up.

“y/n, did you know? jaemin said that you’ve been-“ haechan groaned in pain as mark slapped his back to stop him from talking.

“you guys should go. jaemin is dead drunk, he almost fell asleep on the bathroom.”

“alright, we’re off. you guys take care on your way home.” you bid farewell to them as you held jaemin for support.

the night air was cool as you stepped outside, hailing for a cab. after some effort, you managed to get him inside, settling into the backseat. jaemin was mostly asleep on the ride home. despite some difficulty getting him out and bringing him to your place, you eventually managed to settle him on the couch. you took off his shoes before getting a damped towel and offering him a glass of water.

“jaemin, do you need anything?” you asked him quietly while wiping his face with the towel. he was silent for a while as you helped him into a more comfortable position.

“you’ve been spending a lot of time with eric,” he murmured. you raised your eyebrows in confusion. you’ve only seen the guy twice this week for some club related-activities.

“stop seeing him, or he might get the wrong idea.”

oh.

jaemin had mentioned before that he didn't like eric, claiming that whenever you two took a break, the latter guy saw it as an opportunity to make a move on you. however, jaemin misinterpreted eric's intention, being one of your friends who comforted you during your breakups. while he hinted at liking you at some point, he respected your boundaries and never attempted to cross the line. all your friends knew that jaemin was the center of your world, even at times when you were supposed to forget about him.

“we’ll talk about that tomorrow when you’re sobered up. you need to get some rest now.” you said, standing up to get him a pillow and a blanket. however, he held your wrist, pulling you back to sit on the couch.

“you’ve changed…” he uttered out of the blue, and a sigh escaped your lips. jaemin had a tendency to ramble when he was drunk. it seemed best to let him express whatever was on his mind.

"you used to make time for me, no matter how busy you got. you always found a way for us to spend time together, even when i was swamped with tasks. but now... you're not as affectionate as before and it feels like you love me a little less. you don't get mad, and you don't seem to care even when i try to ignore you on purpose to get your attention. are you getting sick of me?"

your breath shuddered at his sudden confession. it seemed like the first time jaemin was the first to address your situation while being completely honest about his feelings. it never even crossed your mind that he was ignoring you intentionally. up until now, you had always been the one initiating the difficult conversations. every time you bared your soul, hoping jaemin would make things right, it often ended up having the opposite effect. despite his attempts to take your feelings into consideration and provide solace and affirmations, the impact seemed to fade after a few days, leaving you feeling unheard. eventually, you started to question yourself if you were maybe asking for too much. so you stopped trying, which was the turning point that led to your last breakup.

when jaemin asked to get back together, you couldn't bring yourself to refuse, just like all those times you had taken him back before. despite of the emotional turmoil in your relationship, your love for jaemin remained unwavering. being with him, even with the fights and his occasional neglect, felt a thousand times better than not being with him at all. but now, you weren't sure if you could still bear the pain that came with loving him. a sense of uncertainty settled heavily in your heart, feeling a lump formed in your throat.

“you can’t blame me for getting tired when it feels like i’m the only one trying,” your tears began to flow freely, feeling overwhelmed as all your frustrations and hurt hit you all at once. “you keep saying you love me, but your actions say otherwise. i’ve grown sick of showing my love while not seeing you put in the same effort as i do. sometimes, i want to ask if you still love me the way you once did. because if there’s anyone who changed, jaemin, it’s you. you stopped trying the moment our relationship became too comfortable.” you wiped your tears, the sound of muffled sobs echoing in the silence.

“you have no idea how much i’ve been bottling up my feelings. the pain that has built over these years of being with you is suffocating. i want to let out my frustrations, scream at you, and demand your attention, especially when you seem to have time for everyone else but me. even though i know how busy you can get, i can't help but find it unfair, because for you, i would drop everything. i’ve been keeping count of all the times you claimed to be too occupied to be there for me when i needed you the most, only for me to find out that you were hanging out with your friends. your world doesn’t have to revolve around me, but i just want to feel that i still hold a place in your life.”

jaemin's glassy eyes remained fixed on you. even in his intoxicated state, he became acutely aware of all the things he had done wrong in the relationship and the impact it had on you. he had always played it safe, choosing to overlook the signs and letting you suffer on your own. he didn't realize the gravity of the damage he had inflicted on the person he claimed to love. it broke his heart taking in how far he had allowed things to go. with tears streaming down his face, his hand reached out for you.

“i’m so sorry i made you feel that way… i’m sorry for everything,” he whispered in remorse, drawing you into his arms. closing his eyes, he kissed your forehead tenderly as a silent plea for forgiveness. his chest felt heavy with the weight of regret as the painful reality sank in. he wished he could shelter you from every mistake he had ever made.

“i don’t want your apology. i just want us to go back to the way things were before.” your words carried the weight of longing for the happiness that once defined your relationship.

but the air was thick with unspoken truth. you both knew, that no matter what happens now, the two of you can no longer return to how things used to be.

PRESENT

three weeks had passed since the last time you and jaemin spoke. despite sharing tears together that night he got drunk, not much had changed. jaemin became cautious, and you were left wondering whether he would do something to alter the state of your relationship, considering you already said your piece. yet, it appeared that both of you had silently acknowledged the reality that there was little you could do, having allowed things to reach a point beyond saving.

you found yourselves in a tug-of-war, each waiting for the other to end the relationship. however, you hoped he would be the one to pull the trigger this time, because he never made an attempt to ask you to stay. if you were the one to do it, you feared weakness might overcome you if he were to return again. so, you wished for him to take the decisive step to allow you to truly feel that everything was over for both of you. yet, deep down, a small part of you remained hopeful that he would defy your expectations and fight for what was left.

but even when it came down to it, jaemin couldn't muster the courage to call it quits. in your mind, you were begging him not to leave you like this. after everything you had been through together, he couldn't possibly walk away without saying anything.

but as the hours turned to days, days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months, the truth of the matter set in; you must move on to the next phase of your life without reaching a conclusion to the final chapter of your story. until the very end, jaemin couldn't find the words to cut the ties that bound you. instead, he chose the easy way out, one that was hard only for you, leaving behind a heartbreak that time alone couldn't mend and abandoning you to tend to the pieces of your shattered self.

you were left with no choice but to miss him for the rest of your life, each passing moment a reminder of the void he left behind.

#jaemin scenario #jaemin imagine #jaemin x reader #jaemin x you #jaemin x y/n #jaemin scenarios #jaemin imagines #nct dream fic #nct dream angst #jaemin angst #jaemin x fem reader #nct dream x reader #jaemin fanfic #na jaemin #nct dream imagines #nct fic #nct dream

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fandomxpreferences · 1 year

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The Endless Darkness and Mystery of the Ocean Is Becoming A Bit Tempting To Dive Into Now

Masterlist

Pairing: Ex!John B Routledge x female!reader, JJ Maybank x female!reader (all over 18)

TW:18+ smut, piv. unprotected sex. size kink(?), squirting, drug use, angst, violence, brief mention of blood,I think thats it

Summary: After ending things with one of your best friends, you see JJ in whole new light. the problem is you can't tell John B, but everything comes to light eventually. (Based on this request)

Word Count:4.4k

A/N: please excuse any typos, its 2 am and im delirious. also I couldn't choose between these gifs so have them both

Ever since the breakup things have been… tense, to say the least. You've been friends with the pogues since you could walk; they're like your family.

A year ago, your relationship with John B blossomed into something more and up until last month, the two of you had been a picture-perfect couple.

However, after everything with the treasure hunt and deserted island, something just changed. Your heart wasn't in it anymore, and John B agreed. Though it was mutual, it still put a strain on the group.

It's not like a normal breakup where you don't have to see each other anymore. Your entire friend group is shared, and you still have to hang out with him every day. It's getting easier, but how do you recover when you went from best friends to lovers and back again?

Walking away obviously isn't an option for either of you, so you're just trying to make the best of the situation.

You've found solace in JJ, the two of you growing even closer in the midst of your heartache. Which is exactly how you found yourself sitting at the end of the dock passing a joint back and forth.

The two of you have been laughing hysterically at nothing for the past hour when JJ suddenly goes quiet. You look over with a frown and find the man staring off into space. You wave your hand in front of his face with a small giggle.

"Earth to JJ. Anybody there?"

It's lighthearted, but his face is dangerously serious when he turns to look at you.

"I liked you first, you know."

The words hang in the air, thick and heavy as they register in your hazy mind.

"No, I don't know. What the hell are you talking about?"

You're genuinely confused at the random confession. You'd be lying if you said you don't find JJ attractive, but you never thought he'd see you in that light. He lets out an exasperated huff as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"I liked you before John B. That's why we made up the whole 'no pogue on pogue macking' rule. We found out we both wanted you, so instead of fighting, we made a truce and promised not to pursue it. I kept my word, he didn't."

He takes another hit of the joint and blows it toward the night sky, a thick white cloud dissipating in front of his face. He doesn't seem to realize the gravity of what he just said, but you feel like you're suffocating.

JJ liked you so much that they made up a rule?

"JJ.."

Your voice is soft as you reach out to grab his hand and his eyes dart down to where your flesh touches his.

"It's fine, Bambi. You didn't know, it's in the past now."

Your heart clenches at the nickname only he's allowed to use, and suddenly you feel tears sting your eyes. He's called you that since you were kids, your habit of falling and bumping into things earning you the fitting moniker.

"Is it?" You whisper, and you notice his breath catch.

That's all the answer you need and without thinking, you lean forward. He stares at you with wide eyes but doesn't pull back.

The moment your lips touch you realize how stupid you've been. Things were great with John B, you have chemistry and history, but it never felt like this. Electricity crackles under your skin, every nerve feeling like a live wire threatening to electrocute you.

He stiffens for a moment before succumbing to the sensation of your mouth massaging his. He's dreamed about this since seventh grade, and you're so much sweeter than he ever could have imagined.

The kiss deepens and you moan quietly as the taste of mint, beer, and weed mingles on your tastebuds.

He pulls away to breathe and you chase his lips, desperate to feel them again. Kissing him is like you were brought to life, suddenly aware of how dull the world has been all these years.

You didn't know what you had been missing, and now that you do, you're not sure you can make peace with not having it.

Your eyes slowly flutter open to find JJ already staring at you, and your fingers brush against the soft pink skin as if to make sure it's still there. His eyes are filled with love and lust, pupils blown, and you know he felt it too.

It's late, most likely early morning by now, and the rest of the group went to bed hours ago. You look around to make sure no one is watching, the only illumination coming from the moon and white Christmas lights strung around the wood railing.

As soon as you know you won't be caught, you lunge forward and JJ instantly wraps his arms around your waist. You can feel his muscles bulge as he maneuvers himself on top of you, his lips ravishing yours like a man starved.

Your movements are rushed and hasty, the idea of being seen looming over the two of you like a dark cloud. You lean your head back as his mouth moves down to your neck, the feeling nothing short of euphoric.

His lips are so soft, a stark contrast to the rough calloused texture of his hands as they roam under your shirt. He moves quickly, pulling down your bikini top and brushing his thumbs over your perked nipples.

Time seems to move at warp speed and in slow motion simultaneously as he unbuttons your shorts; your own hands moving down to his swim trunks. You can feel he's hard already, and he lets out a low groan when your slender fingers wrap around his thick cock.

Even without seeing him, you can tell he's bigger than John B.

The denim stings your freshly shaved legs as he drags them down the tan skin, a deep moan reverberating in his throat as he takes in the sight of your half-naked body below him. He stops abruptly and you look at him, concern written on your features.

"I don't have a condom."

You bite back a smartass remark about JJ Maybank not keeping a rubber in his pocket and settle instead for nipping at his Adam's apple.

"I'm on birth control."

He seems to like your response as he drops his head into the crook of your neck and rubs his tip through your folds to spread the wetness. Under different circumstances, you'd beg to taste him. But now is not the time, and you're certain you'll get the chance later.

He looks to you for confirmation, and you give it with a short nod.

You hiss as he pushes in an inch, the burning sensation as he stretches your heat taking you by surprise. You'd never had this problem with John B.

"I know, sweet girl. You can take it, I promise. I'll go slow."

He's speaking through clenched teeth and you know he's exercising a painful amount of restraint. He pulls back and pushes in a little more, repeating the movement a few times as you adjust to his size.

You gasp loudly at the feeling of being full, your eyes rolling back as he hits a spot you didn't know you had.

"Almost, baby. You're doing so good."

Your eyes snap open and peer into his, a look of sheer bewilderment on your face.

"That's not all of it?"

You don't think about the absurdity of the question until a playful smirk breaks out on JJ's face and your head rolls back in embarrassment.

With one more short thrust, you feel his hips meet yours and breathe a sigh of relief.

He stays still for a moment, waiting for your cue, which you give him in the form of lifting your hips.

He starts at a slow pace, testing the waters, and your mouth drops open. You briefly feel guilt over the fact you never let John B hit it raw, despite his incessant begging, but the thought is quickly erased.

You can feel every single inch of JJ, and your mind goes completely blank. He takes this as a good sign and speeds up a bit. His arm wraps around your hips, angling you up, and you let out a sharp whine at the new feeling.

He's pounding into you relentlessly now, each sharp thrust slamming his pelvis against your clit, and loud mewls rip from your throat each time he makes contact. You feel his hand cover your mouth to quiet you, but it doesn't do much to stifle the sheer volume of you screaming his name.

"As much as I love hearing those pretty sounds, and my name rolling off your tongue, you need to be quiet before you wake John B up. Can you do that for me, Bambi?"

His voice is strained, and the thought that you're the cause has delicious white hot heat bubbling in your abdomen. You nod against his palm and he resumes his brutal fucking.

It's not long before you feel the coil in your belly threatening to snap, and JJ knows you're close by the way your legs tremble and your chest arches into his.

The hand that was over your mouth drops down to where the two of you meet, and he rubs fast circles on your clit. You try desperately to silence yourself, your teeth drawing blood from your bottom lip as you clamp down.

JJ stops and removes his hand just long enough to push your shirt up so it's in your mouth before resuming his assault.

"Come on, Y/N. Let me feel you squeeze my cock. I'm dying to know what that pretty face looks like when you come."

The sound of him growling your name pushes you over the edge and your body convulses as pleasure you've never experienced before rips through your body. Every muscle seems to contract as your vision goes white and your fingers and toes tingle from the intensity of it all.

JJ fucks you through it, your own release triggering his as your pussy squeezes him with a vice-like grip he knows he'll feel for weeks. He paints your walls with a loud grunt, his face contorted beautifully from the force of his orgasm.

It takes you longer than usual to come down, your lingering high amplifying even the slightest sensation. You slowly feel your breathing calm down, and peel your eyes open to find a spent JJ staring down at you in wonder.

"There she is. You did so well, take some deep breaths for me okay? I don't need you hyperventilating and passing out on me."

You smile tiredly at the comedic relief, your body going completely limp as you regain feeling. You lay there and consider just sleeping outside as JJ pulls out carefully and starts cleaning you up.

"Do you usually do that?"

Your eyebrows furrow as you will your limbs to work.

"Do what?"

There's a brief pause before he answers, and when he does your eyes snap open.

"Squirt. Because it was the hottest thing I've ever seen and I kind of want to make you do it again."

Your body seems to kick into gear as you prop up on your elbows, and you stare at him in shock.

"Uh no, not really. I didn't even know I could do that."

You don't miss the victorious smile on his face, no doubt happy that he finally beat John B to something. You can't help but match his expression when his dimple pops out and he plops down next to you.

Neither of you says anything as you bask in the afterglow but you know you're both thinking the same thing. There's no coming back from this.

"Is it weird that it didn't feel weird?" You wonder quietly and his head flops to the side to observe your face.

"No, I don't think so. It kind of felt like something we should have been doing the whole time."

You breathe a sigh of relief and nod.

"I'm glad you said that, because I'd be super fucking bummed if we never did that again."

His bubbly laugh fills your ears and you lace your fingers through his gently. Another silence falls, and you're just about to stand when JJ speaks again.

"We can't tell John B, or anybody for that matter. Not for a while at least. We have to keep this on the down low."

There's a tinge of sadness in his voice and you nod solemnly.

"I know."

The next three months continue with you and JJ hooking up anytime you get the chance. It's not easy having to sneak around, especially when you're never alone. Making up excuses and cover stories is getting harder, and you know the group is getting suspicious.

One night after you managed a quickie, JJ is sitting out by the fire with John B just chatting when everything comes to a screeching halt.

"Why so glum?" JJ teases, and John B takes a long swig of his beer.

He's been staring blankly at the flames for twenty minutes now, and the silence is starting to irritate JJ.

"I'm still in love with her and I don't know how to stop."

John B's voice is barely audible, but JJ hears him crystal clear. In a matter of seconds, the guilt of his secret relationship with you crushes him and bile rises in his throat.

It's not just hooking up anymore, the two of you have developed real feelings and made it exclusive. Meanwhile, as he's living in bliss, his best friend is still torn up about you.

"I didn't realize it was that serious. I thought the breakup was mutual."

JJ tries to best to conceal his rapid breathing as he chokes on air, and it seems to work as John B releases a bitter laugh.

"I didn't want her to feel bad. What was I supposed to do when she said she wanted to end it? Confess my undying love and guilt her into staying?"

JJ doesn't have a response to that as his mind is sent reeling. Two best friends, both in love with their other best friend. How the fuck does he always get himself into these impossible situations?

He tries not to think about the fact your cum is dried on his boxers or that there's still an imprint from your lipstick smeared on his cock. He feels like John B can sense the pictures of him fucking you on his phone, and gets the urge to chuck it in the ocean.

"You just need to get laid, bro. She'll be off your mind in no time."

It's all he can muster before standing and basically sprinting into the chateau. He feels bad leaving his friend in a time of need, but he was choking like a fish out of water.

He knows it's bullshit. He's absolutely certain that after having you, he would never be able to move on. Not fully.

How could he when he's felt your loving touch and let you into the deepest corners of his heart? It's even worse to know that John B is in love with you when your heart is reserved solely for him now.

His feet carry him to you instantly, and the look on his face has you following him into the guest room without question. That seems to be a new ability he's gained since dating you. He always knows where you are, like his heart and body can sense you before his mind does.

"What going on?"

You cup his cheek the way you always do, and he leans into your touch. Normally it would bring him comfort, but hurt shoots through your chest when he seems to realize what he's doing and recoils.

"Did you know he's in love with you?"

The question takes you by surprise, and you try to get caught up to speed.

"Who? What are you talking about?"

His hand runs through his hair as he turns around, and he just as quickly whips back to face you.

"John B!" His voice is just below yelling and he lowers to a harsh whisper when he realizes.

"JB just told me he's still in love with you, Y/N."

You shake your head in disbelief and pace back and forth a few times before stopping.

"JJ, we never even said I love you. It's been months, why would he still have feelings for me?"

Despite dating for a year, you could never bring yourself to say the words. You do love John B, but you could never figure out why you weren't in love with him. It didn't make sense, not until you fell for JJ.

You're nearing panic as you resume pacing and JJ throws his hands up.

"Y/N, have you seen yourself? Who wouldn't be in love with you?"

You stop all of a sudden and turn slowly to look at your boyfriend.

"What?"

His brain seems to lag for a moment and you catch the exact millisecond he realizes what he said.

"No, I- I didn't me-"

You cut him off with two strides forward and he shrinks under your intense gaze.

"No, you asked who wouldn't be in love with me. Are you in love with me?"

He lets out a frustrated groan and rubs his hand down his tired face.

"Don't change the subject."

You scoff and quirk an eyebrow, suddenly much more interested in the man standing a mere six inches away from you.

"I'm not. You're the one who said it. So what's the answer? I'm not letting it go.

He ponders his options for a second before relenting. He knows you, and he knows that you will get an answer come hell or high water.

"Yes, okay? But now is not the time, so can we please put a pin in it?"

You smile brightly and kiss his cheek before standing flat on your feet again.

"Fine. For the record, I'm in love with you too. So what are we going to do?"

You can't help but think how cute he looks as the wheels turn in his head, and he gives a playful glare as you stare at him with heart eyes.

"Don't look at me like that, baby. We can't tell him, not now."

Your shoulders drop as you deflate. You know he's right, but it still sucks.

"I'm tired of hiding us." You murmur and JJ's features soften as he pulls you into a tight hug.

"Me too, but we have to be careful about this. Just a little bit longer, okay?"

He kisses the top of your head as you nod against his shoulder and pull back. The two of you compose yourselves, hiding any sign of affection, before trekking back out to the rest of the group.

A month later, you're all sitting around the bonfire after a kegger; a little too much alcohol coursing through your systems. You've settled into a game of truth or dare, loud laughs being shared as you all do ridiculous tasks and share secrets.

You're sitting across from JJ and he shoots you a wink when it's your turn.

"Okay Y/N, truth or dare?" Sarah asks and you press your finger to your chin pretending to think for a second before answering.

"Truth."

You instantly regret it as she gets a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Her and John B have gotten cozier since his confession last month and you're glad he's finally moving on. The problem is since you've both experienced a relationship with him, it opens you up to a whole new level of personal questions.

"Where's the craziest place you've had sex?"

You don't catch the smirk on John B's face as he takes a sip from his cup, thinking about the time you fucked on the open beach. He's sure that's your answer, and he almost chokes when you respond with something different.

"Either on the hood of a police car or on a motorcycle."

Your answer is immediate and you don't give it a second thought before spitting it out. It doesn't occur to you that your ex is sitting five feet away and that it most definitely wasn't with him; or that he knows you only had sex one other time before him in the bathroom at a party.

You don't realize that you just told him you've hooked up with someone since the breakup, and you don't see the way JJ tenses as your words linger in the air.

Sarah barks out a surprised laugh while raising her cup to cheers you.

"Who knew you were such a daredevil."

John B certainly didn't. You're about to move on when Kie interjects.

"Wait,"

JJs eyes squeeze shut when he realizes what's coming. This is terrible timing and the second worst way for the secret to be revealed. The only thing that could top this is being caught red-handed.

"JJ, didn't you tell me you hooked up with a girl on top of a cop car like three months ago?"

His mouth opens and shuts a few times as he fumbles for words while Pope adds fuel to the already scorching fire.

"Hold up, you told me you fucked a girl on your dirt bike two weeks ago."

As soon as he says it, JJ wishes the ground would swallow him whole. He could have passed one off as a coincidence, but both? It's not exactly common to hook up in those locations, and he knows you're caught.

His silence and your beet red face only confirm the suspicions, as realization dawns on everybody at the same time.

"Holy shit." Kie mutters and you don't dare look at John B as his eyes bore into the side of your face.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" His voice is laced with venom and you wince, instantly kicking yourself for your lapse in judgment.

Everybody jumps to their feet and your head spins as chaos breaks out. You're decidedly too drunk and not drunk enough for this and evaporating into thin air seems like a good idea right about now.

"He's my best fucking friend! You left me so you could fuck him? Since when are you a homie hopping whore?"

He's screaming now as Pope and Kie hold him back, and you look like a deer caught in headlights as tears pour down your cheeks. To her credit, Sarah is comforting you despite the conflict of interest and you're eternally grateful.

You drop your cup and gasp as JJ lunges forward, slamming into John B and tackling him to the ground.

"Don't fucking speak to her like that!"

His voice is hoarse as it booms from his throat and John B just laughs.

"What are you gonna do? Hit me? She's gonna get tired of you too, man. Before you know she's played you, she'll be on her knees for Pope."

JJ's fist collides against his nose with a sickening crack and you barely register your own voice as you scream for him to stop.

Much to your surprise, the blonde listens and is standing in front of you in an instant. Johns B's blood is on his knuckles and he cups your face tenderly as your friends tend to your wounded ex.

"How long?" John B coughs, and your eyes meet his over JJ's shoulder.

You can see the sheer hurt and betrayal and your stomach lurches. You never meant for any of this to happen.

"Four months."

Your answer is simple, yet John B looks like he's been shot.

"Un-fucking-believable. How could you do this?"

Your heart breaks as his voice cracks and JJ hates the anguish in your usually bright eyes.

"Hey, we don't have to do this right now."

You shake your head and step around him, coming face to face with your lifelong best friend.

"I didn't mean for this to happen, or for you to find out like this. Please, John B. I love him."

He physically recoils as the words ring out, and your knees wobble as they threaten to give out.

"I can't do this. You can't have us both."

He knows it isn't fair, but despite his growing feelings for Sarah, the idea of watching you be happy with a man thats like his brother makes him nauseous.

"Don't make me choose, John B."

You feel JJ's hand rest on the curve of your lower spine and subconsciously lean into him.

"Why? Because you'll choose him?"

He looks ill as he speaks and you slowly nod your head.

"Yeah. I choose him."

You mean it with all your heart, yet the words still taste like acid as they leave your tongue. This is exactly what you didn't want.

John B stays glued in place, his eyes raking over your face searching for any sign of doubt or deceit. When he finds none, his heart shatters all over again.

He knows he should leave, that he should stand his ground and never look back. But this isn't just anybody. This is two of his best friends in the entire world, and he doesn't have to ask JJ to know he'd choose you too.

He can't bring himself to walk away, and his eyes squeeze shut as reality sets in.

"I'll get over it."

He doesn't entirely believe himself as his voice shakes, but he's going to try. He's got a good thing with Sarah, and if you can be happy for him then he should try to be happy for you. If he loves you, he'll let you go.

You swallow thickly as you take a hesitant step forward and JJ resists the urge to pull you back.

"Pogues for life?" You ask quietly and he nods.

"Pogues for life."

Sarah and Kie take this as their chance and pull you inside, leaving the three men outside alone. JJ shifts his weight, hands wringing nervously as he anticipates John Bs next move.

"Hurt her and I kill you."

JJ gives a mock salute and watches as John B turns hastily to walk to the end of the pier. Pope looks at him with raised eyebrows and JJ gives him a pointed glare.

"Don't."

Pope raises his hands in surrender with a smug smile.

"Wasnt gonna. We all kind of knew besides John B anyway." He admits and JJ tosses his cup at him.

"Asshole."

@disturbedbeautywrites

#jj maybank smut #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #John b angst #John b imagine #John b fic #John b x reader #outer banks #outer banks smut #outer banks angst #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

Note

AITA for not asking for christmas off and just telling my mom we can have a make up day for it as a slight revenge for taking away my halloween and telling me the same? so lil backstory this year i worked a seasonal halloween job. it was my first job (im 20) and so my mom was helping me with alot of it, when i got an email asking what days i need off i mentioned asking for halloween off since i didnt want to miss our family tradition and miss my favorite holiday but my mom told me that may mean they'll be less likely to hire me since im working a halloween job for 2 months it only makes sense i'd work then. so i didnt ask for that day off and so i worked the entire night halloween and before then i was so distraught and cried and would voice my frustrations about losing halloween but everytime my mom would just dismiss it all as "thats adulting" or "oh we'll have a make up day for you" which really bothered me cause it felt like she was dismissing my feelings and was okay with me missing a family tradition cause she thought they wouldnt hire me for asking for 1 day off. so now i have a holiday job thatll overlap with christmas and i didnt request christmas off and its bothering my mom since she loves christmas. ive just been telling her like "eh, we can just have a second christmas." and other dismissive things and if she says stuff about it again ill just tell her thats what she taught me when i did my previous job. that if im working a seasonal holiday job its expected of me to work the day of the holiday otherwise i wont get the job at all. i mean that is adulting right? sacrificing silly childish things for your job. even if that thing is incredibly important to you and caused you heartache for losing it to the point you would sob often and fell into a depressive slump. thats adulting!! at least according to my mom. i feel like its mean to do this but im only following her advice and her words. its just this time its her favorite holiday and not mine. im 100% fine with just celebrating it on a different day and such so this isnt harming me its only really bothering my mom TLDR: my mom made me miss holloween with dumb advice and dismissed my frustrations so im working on christmas to give her a taste of her own medicine.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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williamswifey · 1 year

Note

PLS A PART TWO TO THE BELLA YOU JUST POSTED. IT IS SO GORGEOUS. OH MY GOD

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒 - 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐘

part one ; the exit

masterlist

pairing ; bella ramsey x fem!reader

summary ; your ex bella had texted you after months of no contact. you knew what you were getting yourself back into as soon as you replied.

content warnings ; slightly toxic dynamic, angst with a happy ending, bella is still sort of an asshole but working on it

a/n ; hi lovelies <3 im absolutely honored at how much love part one got, i knew i had to get a part 2 up asap 😩 i hope this ending is satisfactory !!

‘hey.’

your face paled as you read the text on your screen. was this some kind of joke? was your phone company fucking with you?

your heart rate soared as you looked at the words on the screen. should you respond? should you leave them waiting? you didn’t know how to react, and your palms were growing sweaty as you felt your chest tighten.

“what’s wrong?” heather’s voice rang out cautiously, “you’ve got this…look on your face.”

“bella just texted me.” you replied, voice void of emotion.

“oh, shit.” came her softened reply.

oh shit was right.

you spent the entire afternoon staring at the text. you were tempted to reply immediately, but you didn’t want to seem desperate.

you were barely able to get any work done, you were thankful that it had been a slow day with barely any customers. you didn’t have it in you too deal with anyone else today, as you stressed and stressed over the text message.

a part of you—the smarter part, knew the best idea would be to not reply at all. you didn’t like that idea very much.

you took a deep breath, and opening the text.

‘hi :)’ you typed out, before deleting. too flirty, not enough anger.

‘what the fuck do you want?’ you typed out seconds later, before deleting the text entirely. definitely don’t send that.

‘hey.’ you message parroted theirs, but you deleted it again. what if it was too boring and they didn’t reply?

‘who’s this?’ you wanted to send out of spite.

you weren’t above being petty, but that just felt plain mean.

a part of you wanted to call them, to hear their voice again. your missed the sound of their voice, even if you only heard it for a few seconds before your call disconnected.

that idea was the worst of all.

you sighed as you flopped against your sheets, a deep sigh rumbling out from your chest.

anxieties began to rush in your mind. what if bella texted the wrong person? what if they were drunk? what if it was a prank?

you stilled your shaking hands, sending a simply ‘hi.’ as you threw your phone across the room.

you didn’t expect your phone to buzz seconds later, the sound amplifying from the pile of clothes it had fallen into when you tossed it aside.

you walked over to your phone, unlocking it.

“it’s been a while. how are you?”

jesus. so it wasn’t the wrong person, nor was it a drunken text.

‘fine. u?’

you tried to keep your text brief, debating whether or not to continue the conversation. you knew that being in touch with bella again would only lead to more heartache, but you couldn’t ignore the thrill you felt in your stomach at the chime of their texts.

‘do u still live near our old apt?”

bella’s text made you furrow your eyebrows, as you quickly sent a reply. the term ‘our apartment’ made you feel sick to your stomach.

‘i live about two hours away. why?’

your heart raced as bella’s text bubbles appeared.

‘i’m in the area for a press conference. was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch.’

fuck.

your heart raced as you read the message over and over. what did they want? were they just looking for closure, or did they want you back?

for the next few hours, you struggled with your emotions. you couldn’t decide whether it was a good idea to meet them or to leave things as they were. in the end, bella was your weakness—they always had been.

‘sure. when?’

bella was quick with their response, even though you had left them on read for a solid three hours and forty-five minutes.

‘tomorrow afternoon. come to our spot, my treat.’

your heart raced. ‘our spot.’ you and bella had found a small italian restaurant a few years back, with food that was to die for. it wasn’t well known, and it was your secret.

‘okay.’

***

you had barely slept all night. you were awake just past 9am, you had a two hour drive to make to get to the restaurant.

you showered and changed, putting on a light floral dress, your hair natural and flowy. you would pretend you didn’t put extra time into your appearance, but you knew it was a lie.

when you approached the restaurant, your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest. you were a few minutes late—due to traffic, and while you should’ve felt apologetic, you felt bella deserved it for being an asshole.

you walked into the restaurant, fiddling with your necklace. bella spotted you immediately, flagging you down as they called your name.

“over here,” they called, as you nearly knocked yourself to the ground from how fast you spun around.

bella was sitting in a booth, smiling at you as they gestured for you to sit across from them.

bella looked…different. a little taller, much more confident. their style had changed, and you hated to admit how good they looked.

you wanted to run out of the restaurant, your intuition told you this was a bad idea. but the heart wants what it wants.

you sauntered over to them, plastering on a smile that you hoped didn’t look too painful as you slid into the booth across from bella.

“you look stunning as always,” bella commented, a small smile on their face.

you had to remember they were just being polite as you fought back the blush on your cheeks. you thanked them, drinking a large gulp of your water, feeling the cool liquid trickle down your throat.

it was soothing, and it took your mind off bella, who was staring thoughtfully at you from the other side of the booth.

neither of you wanted to start the conversation you knew had to take place, so instead, it was silent.

you noticed they tried not to be on their phone, eyes darting all around the restaurant. you wondered if nostalgia was hitting them the way it was hitting you.

you remembered going here with bella at least once a week when you were dating, making a night out of it. it was your favorite day of the week.

now, the restaurant seemed to have lost its magic. it didn’t feel like home, not like it used to. you wondered if it had been simply being with bella that made the place so magical all those months ago.

“so, how are you?” bella asked, picking at their nails.

“i’m okay,” you replied, voice a little breathy. your heart hadn’t stopped its somersaults in your chest since you arrived, “and yourself?”

bella began to update you on their life. it was painful, seeing how much they had accomplished without you. your heart ached at the twinkle in their eyes, the excitement in their tone. the way they made you feel hadn’t changed.

it was easy to talk to bella, you forgot how much they made you feel like you belonged. it was like old friends catching up, not missing a beat. it felt like nothing had changed…but deep down you knew that everything was different.

bella was like an addicting drug. so easy to go back to…so hard to let go of. you remembered why you put up with their bullshit for so long—because they were bella and you were you.

when the waiter came, bella listed off both of your orders without a second thought, like second nature.

perhaps they noticed you slight glare as the waiter walked away, causing them to speak up.

“oh, sorry,” they said, “is that not your order anymore?”

you sighed, shaking your head.

“it’s not that, bella,” you began. their brown eyes glanced your way, and you felt suffocated under their dreamy gaze.

“it’s just—what are we doing here? i mean, you’ve been doing your own thing and i’ve been doing mine. why all the sudden did you decide to reach out?”

bella was quiet for a moment, fiddling with their rings as they cleared their throat.

“i’m sorry,” they said, catching you off guard, “for what i did. i was a selfish asshole, and i know i hurt you.”

you wanted to say it was okay, but you’d be lying.

“thank you for the apology, i appreciate it,” you decided to reply instead.

you hated how it was between you two. it should’ve been easy—it was easy…when you two were pretending that nothing had changed. the two of you had always fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle.

now that you were tackling what had gone wrong, the atmosphere didn’t feel quite as comfortable.

“i don’t want things to be like this anymore. i miss you.” bella said.

six months ago, it was everything you wanted to hear. but now, the words that rolled off their tongue settled bitterly in your stomach.

“did you think all you had to do was say you’re sorry and i’d come running back?” you spat, “plus, don’t you have a girlfriend?” you asked.

bella looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. they opened your mouth to reply, then shut it again after a few seconds out of pure confusion.

“no?”

bella looked at you as they tilted your head. what about everything you saw?

“you don’t?” you asked in confusion.

“last i checked, i’ve been single single we broke up,” bella now seemed just as confused.

“but, your instagram and the news headlines—”

“you’ve been stalking my instagram?” bella asked, a slight teasing tone in their voice as your face went red.

“i—” you tried to defend yourself, but the words died in your throat.

“i’m just messing with you,” bella said, the atmosphere balancing on the line of tense and airy, “if you’re talking about amara…she’s just a co-star. news and headlines just like to gossip.”

“oh.” you felt stupid for bringing it up. you hated how bella could manipulate your emotions so easily, for better or for worse.

they knew it too, it’s not like they were that stupid.

you felt bella’s hand brush against yours, bringing your attention back to them.

“i’ve had a lot of time to think. no one compares to you.” bella spoke, and you didn’t know how to react.

you wanted to slap them, kiss them, scream at them, and cry, all at the same time.

“you put me through hell, you know?” you said sadly, fiddling with your necklace yet again, “i was there for you. before your career took off, when you needed a shoulder to cry on.“

“i’ve beat myself up everyday for what i did. there’s no excuse. i was new to all the fame—all the interviews. i wanted to leave my old life behind—so that’s exactly what i did. i was shitty. i owe an apology for everyone i’ve wronged, but especially you.”

bella looked down guiltily.

“i can’t take back what i did,” they said slowly, “but i’d like to try.”

you licked your lips, noticing the sincerity in their voice.

their eyes were doe-eyed, lips puffy from biting down on them.

you knew you should walk away, prevent the inevitable hurt you’d go through again when bella got bored. but for now, you picked your poison. you’d take the happiness for now, a fair exchange for the pain you’d feel later.

you tried to shush the voice of insecurity in the back of your mind. for now, bella was yours, and you were theirs. they looked at you the same way they did when you first started dating, all giddy and love struck.

you laced your hands with bella’s, a smile growing on your face.

“yeah,” you agreed, as bella shifted in their seat hopefully.

“i’d like that.”

#bella ramsey x reader #bella ramsey blurb #bella ramsey imagine #bella ramsey fluff #bella ramsey x y/n #bella ramsey drabble #bella ramsey #bella ramsey angst #bella ramsey x you #bella ramsey imagines #bella ramsey fic #bella ramsey x fem!reader #ellie williams x reader

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em1e · 1 year

Text

⠀ ⠀ ༝ i hate you for what you did, and i miss you like a little kid.

⠀ 一虎 // MOTION SICKNESS ⠀ ༝ ༝ kazutora hanemiya ⠀ ༝ ༝ 2.3k words ⠀ ⚠︎ angst + valhalla spoilers + IM SORRY ! ⠀ — he’s taller, now, hair bleached, but it’s still those same wide eyes that meet your own.

january 16, 2000

baji and kazutora were constants in your life.

being neighbors with baji left you trailing behind him like a puppy, and the idea of having someone as kind as you by his side made him happy - so despite his complaints and the bickering that always ensued between the two of you, he decided to keep you tucked away like a secret.

and when he introduces you to kazutora, it’s another warm friendship melting easily with the first.

and the three of you form an unbreakable bond, with the promise to always help each other when in need. kazutora would spend more time in your house than his own, and your parents take him in easily. it’s a taste of love he’s never felt, and when he lays on your bedroom floor next to a sleeping baji, he finds it hard to fall asleep with that feeling swelling deep in his chest and taking root under his heart.

august 22, 2003

it’s baji who comes to your door late one night. who else, when his other half is in juvie as he tells you.

you break into a sob at the news, and it’s baji who holds you with apologies falling off of his lips as if somehow he’s to blame for it all.

he holds you until you wear yourself out, and stays with you when you beg him to through tears. another promise it made there, to never leave one another behind, and it’s a promise you intend to hold kazutora to once he’s released.

baji rubs your back until you’re asleep, and he wonders if there was something he could’ve done to avoid this heartache; from seeing his friend carted away in handcuffs, from seeing you cry. he wishes he could go back, just for a moment, to change this outcome.

september 12, 2004

you wrote to kazutora when you could, but never received any replies. baji caught you once in the middle of you preparing a life update, snatching the paper from your desk and holding it above your head when you reached for it.

“give it back, baji!”

he stands on his toes to keep it out of your grasp, and chifuyu grumbles from your floor something about that not being the study sheet we’re working on.

“what’s this, a love letter?” he snorts, squinting to read the letters, “‘happy birthday kazu! baji and i miss you lots, even if he won’t say it outloud-’.”

you stomp on his foot and snatch the letter away when he slouches in pain, glaring at him, “you’re such a dick sometimes.”

“he never writes you back, i don’t know why you keep sending those.” baji huffed out, sitting on the floor beside chifuyu, “he probably doesn’t even get them.”

“what does it matter,” you roll your eyes, placing the paper in a folder and leaving it on your desk, exchanging it for the aforementioned study sheet, “s’not like it’s anything to do with you anyways.”

“it does,” he argues, despite the glare you send him, “my name is very clearly mentioned.”

“i just don’t want him to think we’ve forgotten about him or don’t care about him.” you say finally, and the way your gaze falls on him leaves him looking away with a small fine, whatever.

the tension that remains bleeds from the air and crawls under your skin, but chifuyu clears his throat and flips through the first few pages of the worksheet with a hum, “what the fuck is hydrolysis?” and that is enough to clear the air.

october 20, 2005

two years pass and not a single letter is returned.

some days you wonder if you should call the center, ask if maybe there was something wrong with what you’re putting in them as if that could be the reason he isn’t getting them, but the fear of knowing that not being the reason he won’t reply frightens you beyond belief. you want to ask the post office if there’s any way all one-hundred and six letters could have been lost in the mail or sent to the wrong place, but you’re all-too aware of the return address being labeled as your home.

instead, you settle with the unknown. there’s no getting hurt that way, no way of truly finding out if he was ignoring you for all of two years.

it’s not until you bump shoulders with a stranger outside of the market that you get to piece things together. you’d recognize that tiger tattoo from anywhere.

“‘tora?”

the bags you’re holding almost slip from your grasp, scrambling to free a hand to grab at his elbow and turn him around. he’s taller, now, hair bleached, but it’s still those same wide eyes that meet your own. you swallow dryly.

“when- when’d you get out?”

he tilts his head at you, earring chiming from the movement, “last week. thought baji would’ve told you.”

“me too . . .” you’re hurt by the admission, he can tell. you clear your throat, “the letters i sent - did you ever get them?”

“i did.”

the confession is enough to break what little resolve you have, frowning, “unable to reply, or . .?”

“didn’t see the need, “ he hums out, straightening with a smile when he looks behind you. a glance over your shoulder and you see baji, sharp toothed grin faltering when his eyes find you.

“what a nice reunion,” baji settles for when he finds himself standing beside kazutora, patting your head before wrapping an arm around kazutora’s shoulders, “should’ve planned a picnic or somethin’.”

you shove at baji’s shoulder half heartedly, “why didn't you tell me kazu was released, you asshole. and what happened to your knuckles?”

he jerks his hand from your grasp when you grab for it, ignoring the hurt you hold in the furrow of your brow at his reaction.

“huh? must’ve slipped my mind,” he pulls on kazutora’s shoulder, forcing him to turn, “anyways, we gotta go! have plans we just can’t miss.” he gives a wave as he walks away, kazutora in tow.

you come home that night to a message from baji. barely able to finish reading it through your tears, but you’re able to get the basic understanding.

kazutora and i decided we’re on different paths in life, so we’re cutting you out.

the promise to stay together breaks apart by the seams with each tear that falls down your cheeks. kazutora never replied to your letters, didn’t even bother to look for you after he got out, and baji’s being ripped from your grasp. it feels like every piece of yourself you’ve been holding onto for the past two years is being brutally torn away from you with each second that passes, and for the first time in your life, there is no one there to help you hold it all together.

november 3, 2005

you’d been planning his birthday for weeks before the actual date. despite the message he sent to you previously, you’d continued to prepare for something, even if he wouldn’t show up.

except, that’s not the reason he doesn’t come.

it’s chifuyu now, who distributes the bad news to you with a frown, and you want to tear down each decoration you’ve put around your home as if that’d undo the words that have left his lips.

and when you crumble to the floor, it’s chifuyu who comforts you in a way that’s all too familiar, but never the same as before. you’d never feel that comfort again, nor the warmth that'd surround baji like a fire. you have to pry the details out of him, beg for anything he’s willing to give. how did it happen. was it painless. did he suffer. did he cry. who started it.

he answers to the best of his ability through his own tears, explaining kazutora stabbed him first but baji delivered the final blow to himself, and those words leave you folding in on yourself even more.

“kazutora’s in jail now for that, will be for ten years.”

it’s like each new addition to the story is you taking punch after punch, and chifuyu is glad that little bit of information is last on his list - unsure if you can take anymore hits. you’re practically gasping for air by the end of it, and with some effort, chifuyu is forcing you to sit up, forcing you to take a second and just breathe.

he only goes home when the reality of it all has settled, leaving you hollow sitting on your bed. on numb legs, you stand and walk to your desk, ripping out a page from your notebook to hastily write.

i hate you, kazutora. i want you and baji back and i hate you for taking him away from me. i hate you and i miss you and you’re the worst

the words blur together, ink bleeding into blobs as your tears fall onto the paper. you crumble up the page and throw it across the room with a sniff, unable to believe what you’ve written.

july 05, 2015

your brows furrow at the sound of knocking on your door. chifuyu told you he’d be an hour late to your hangout, stuck organizing a shipment that came early he’d told you over the phone, but the sound of knocking again proves he’s a liar.

“you don’t have to knock if i know you’re coming-” you start as you pull the door open, only to stop when it’s not chifuyu behind it.

kazutora stares at you, and it’s still those same wide eyes as he takes you in. there’s no blonde left in his hair, you note dully, and he’s gotten taller. you’re practically frozen in place by his appearance on your doorstep.

“hi.” he breathes out finally, offering a bouquet you hadn’t even realized he was holding, and his lip quivers when you hesitate to take it.

you clear your throat, “when . . . when did you get out?” you look down at the flowers to avoid looking at him and god he could break down right here. the smell of your home comes off in waves, clawing at the deepest parts of him and settling with the reminder of childhood. he wants to bottle it up, breathe it in for the rest of his life to keep those memories forever.

“few days ago. ‘fuyu picked me up.”

you pull your lip between your teeth, a nasty habit he remembers when you were young, before you’re taking a step back so he can enter your home. he does so slowly, as if any sudden movement could startle you away from him. he’s almost certain it would.

“was waiting on him,” you mumble out, finally looking at him, “‘fuyu.” you’re unsure why you clarify, but he nods nonetheless.

“he told me.”

silence fills the air again, neither of you wanting to break what fragility remains on your shoulders, until kazutora moves to dig through the bag he’s brought with him. you eye him warily, still very unsure of what to make of it all, when he pulls out a folder filled with stacks of papers.

he offers it to you, and you take it with less hesitation than before, trading it with him for the bouquet so you can open it properly.

august 30, 2003

dear kazutora,

kazutora watches as your eyes widen while they dance across the paper, immediately beginning to flip through each of the worn pages as if the rest of the stack could be fake, before you meet his gaze.

“are these . . ?”

“i kept them all.” he explains softly, trying so so hard to read your expression.

and when you throw yourself into his arms, almost crushing the flowers between the two of you, he’s stunned.

he holds you when your knees buckle, and carefully eases the two of you to the ground. holds you when your tears stain his shirt, and holds you even tighter as apologies fall from his lips. for baji, for not caring enough, for not righting his wrong when he should’ve. for not writing you back.

as he breathes you in, he realizes how familiar this feels, how familiar you are, and suddenly he’s back to being a stupid thirteen year old with an even stupider adoration for you. he’s scared he’s squeezing you too tight, but you’re holding him like he’s your last lifeline and it takes all of him not to do the same.

“i don't want to be like baji and not tell you how much i missed you.” he whispers, and it has a small laugh leaving your lips. a sound he hasn’t heard in so fucking long, it’s all he want to hear for as long as he’s alive.

“i forgive you,” you say softly, when the tears finally subside and your grip on one another lessens enough for you to be able to lean away and look at him, “forgive you for baji and not caring and not writing me back.”

the remission is enough to have him fighting back his own tears, and when you brush a strand of hair from his face to cup his cheek softly, it breaks what little resolve he has left. then it’s you taking him back into your arms, holding him as gently as you can as the assurances pass your lips as something so sweet and soft and everything he has ever missed in the last twelve years sits cradled in his arms.

there’s something so sickly sweet about it all that has chifuyu wishing he would’ve been a little more precarious while putting everything away at the shop - regrettably ruining the moment when he stumbles into your house with beers and yakisoba.

#kazutora x reader #hanemiya kazutora x reader #kazutora hanemiya x reader #kazutora hanemiya #kazutora #hanemiya kazutora #hanemiya x reader #x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #salmon rowe

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asterias-record-shop · 7 months

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Hello, I wanted to ask if your fic requests are still open? Cos I please want to ask for a Finnick Odair x reader involving major character death

So the reader's personality is somewhat similar to Lucy Gray Baird, ( if you have read A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes). Also, I'd like her to be a victor from District 5. Because of her voice, Snow often has her sing at the capitol. She and Finnick often run into each other because of frequently having to be at the capitol, so they develop a relationship and start seeing each other romantically in secret.

Then, she later on joins the rebellion but ends up getting murdered by lizard mutts in the Mockingjay timeline because she chose to sacrifice herself during that mission. So it's the reader who dies instead of Finnick

If you want to skip this request, then that's okay. But thank you, if you'd like to take it.

Also, the one shot would be inspired by the song Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince by Taylor swift

╭════• ೋ•✧๑♡๑✧•ೋ •═══╮

— a dream is a wish

╰════• ೋ•✧๑♡๑✧•ೋ •═══╯

I am so sorry if this is bad, I’ve never been the best at writing angst. Im not proud of it, but i didn’t want to not try :)

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪 𓆩[join the taglist!]𓆪

Finnick wasn’t sure where you had gotten the song you sang to your son. The Capitol had gotten rid of everything that gave knowledge of the old world, but you sang a song that you had heard from a movie.

“A dream is a wish your heart makes,” you sang, humming continuously as you slowly swayed in your all black tactical gear. He didn’t want you to go, he hated the thought of you going. He just couldn’t get you to stay. “When you’re fast asleep, in your dreams you’ll lose your heartache…”

“Y/N,” Finnick spoke as you smiled back at him. “You… you shouldn’t come.”

You continue to hum, swaying as you slowly set down your son. “Effie said she would watch Alexei. Everything will be fine.”

Finnick shook his head, sighing. “What if… what if something happens? You know we said that someone always stays when we go on missions.”

“Do you think I’d sit this out?” You ask, turning around. “Finnick, nothing will happen, I swear,” you whisper, cupping his face as he leaned down to kiss your wrist. “We said we’d do everything together too, remember? In our vows, we swore.”

“Not when I could lose you,” he whispers, his voice hoarse as he holds your forearm delicately. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t,” you press a firm kiss to his lips, shaking your head. “I said I’d follow you anywhere and everywhere, remember? No matter what.”

He inhaled shakily, closing his eyes as he pressed his forehead to yours. “Please don’t come.”

“I can’t let you go on it alone.” You whispered back, shaking your head. “I won’t. Anywhere and everywhere you go, I’m going.”

Finnick lets his other hand settle on your waist, sighing as he pulls you closer, letting his lips press continuously against your wrist before moving to your lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

On the journey there, he held your hand tightly through every step, enjoying your soft singing as you held his hand tightly. He loved that stupid song you sang about dreams, and how his dream was always to start a life with you somewhere safe and secure. He was fighting for that somewhere, and to be honest, he had mixed feelings about fighting it with you.

“I have something important to tell you when we get back,” you say, smiling as you bumped his hip with your own. “I think you’ll be ecstatic.”

He smiled widely, kissing your head. “Anything you say makes me ecstatic.”

As soon as you both went down that tunnel though, he knew something was wrong. You trailed behind him, much to his dismay, mainly because you were the best with firearms and you knew you could protect him.

“Go up first,” Finnick tried to tell you, but you just shook your head. “Y/N, I'm not asking you.”

“Finnick, I’m not going up that latter first,” you say, your usual strong will making his stomach twist. “Go. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Finnick, come on,” Katniss called as you started pushing him up the ladder, tapping his thigh.

“I love you,” you say quickly, smiling as he finally gets up.

Finnick goes to turn around, your scream making him almost fall as he made it to the top. He could barely get out your name when he saw the mutts come out, about to jump down before Katniss yelled into her earpiece.

“No! No, what are you doing?!” Finnick attempted to let go before Katniss grabbed his shoulders and tugged him onto the overhead, the explosion making his heart clench.

His ears were ringing, the wishful thinking of trying to hope that it was fake, that you followed behind him shattered whenever he stared down at nothing.

“What did you do?” He whispers, his voice soft before turning to Katniss. “What did you do?!”

Tears were running down her cheeks as a wail fell from her lips, the only person she ever saw as a friend or an older sister gone.

Finnick refused to believe it, though, already grabbing his trident. “We’re going back down.”

“She’s gone!” Katniss sobbed, running her hands through her hair. “She’s gone, she’s gone…”

Her voice continued to drone on, going into soft whispers as Finnick stared at the hatch.

This wasn’t real.

It wasn’t until he got back to District 13 did everything settle in. Seeing Katniss hold Alexi who was wailing and sobbing, tears in her eyes as she tried to remember the words you always sang so beautifully.

“I don’t… I don’t remember them,” Katniss whispers, thinking back to when you helped calm her down on the beach during the third quarter quell, singing softly as you braided her hair. How could she not remember them?

“I do,” Finnick’s voice was hoarse, his eyebags dark and obvious, a sniffle filling the room as Katniss tried to shake her head.

“You need to go back to sleep-”

“A dream is a wish your heart makes,” he hummed softly, his voice cracked and breaking since he wasn’t much of a singer, but he quickly calmed down at the sound of the lyrics. “When you’re fast asleep, in your dreams you’ll lose your heartache…”

Finnick continued to sing the words that you knew by heart, even if it wasn’t the best, but it still made Alexi calm down. He stared down at Alexi’s eyes which were an exact replica of your own, smiling with tears filling his eyes.

Maybe not all hope was lost, afterall.

Taglist: 𓆩[@lem0ns77]𓆪 𓆩[@cecepop15]𓆪 𓆩[@memeorydotcom]𓆪 𓆩[@your-favorite-god]𓆪 𓆩[@nowitsmissing]𓆪 𓆩[@xyzstar]𓆪 𓆩[@just-my-shit]𓆪 𓆩[@your-mom21]𓆪 𓆩[@c78r]𓆪 𓆩[@dizscreams]𓆪 𓆩[@copypastedaphne]𓆪 𓆩[@asrt5]𓆪 𓆩[@xoxomoonlightbabe]𓆪 𓆩[@f-aggotry]𓆪 𓆩[@ineedmentalhelp123]𓆪 𓆩[@aerangi]𓆪 𓆩[@luv-lella]𓆪 𓆩[@teenwolfbitches28]𓆪 𓆩[@miawastakens]𓆪 𓆩[@hufflepuffsweetheart1]𓆪 𓆩[@nowitsmissing]𓆪 𓆩[@satans--beloved]𓆪

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crowleys-bentley-and-plants · 3 months

Text

The Touch of an Angel - a Crowley pov poem

i love the headcanon that angels cry holy tears that hurt demons and one day when i was feeling particularly down i thought, what if not only the tears, but the very touch of an angel is too holy for a demon and well here's a poem about it

The touch of an angel, too pure for my heart

A celestial whisper, a work of fine art

Feathers that brush, like a soft summer breeze,

Yet cut me like knives with an effortless ease

The touch of an angel, a heavenly kiss

A fleeting moment of ethereal bliss

It tastes just like poison, the sweetest of all

A bittersweet potion, a tear-laden fall

The touch of an angel, a tender caress

Awakens the ache in my mortal distress

Your fingers, like whispers, graze my bare skin,

Unveiling a world where heartaches begin

The touch of an angel, in shadows concealed,

A delicate dance where wounds are revealed

A gentle reminder of what could have been,

Now lost in the echoes of a love left unseen

The touch of an angel, a dance with despair,

Leaving me breathless in the cold, empty air

The tenderness, like petals, begins to wilt,

A garden of love in which sorrow is built

The touch of an angel, a wistful sigh,

A whispered goodbye, as tears multiply

A red heart that once beat, now lost in the night,

As the echoes of love fade into the light

The tears of an angel, unseen in the rain,

Blend with the drops of my own silent pain

The touch of an angel, too pure from the start,

Now etched in the scars on my sick fractured heart

ahh honestly im pretty proud of this one so i was so scared to post it loll

Thank you so much for reading!! Reblogs and comments are really appreciated💙

It's also on ao3!:

tagging my favourite people as always :)) @bearthewhipsandscornsoftime @seven-stars-in-his-palm @fearandhatred @foolishlovers @sabotage-on-mercury @notagoodlad @ficreader500 @lickthecowhappy @ghostsparrow @ineffabildaddy @di-42 @goodoldfashionednightingale @eybefioro @crowleys-curl @crowleybrekkers @spookyllamatree @wanderer-main

#good omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #good omens poem #original poem #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #go2

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murdrdocs · 10 months

Text

west village | r. cameron

description. you and rafe were crazy to think your relationship would work, but at least your final time together reflects the peacefulness of it all

includes. SMUT 16+, so much angst omg, fanon!rafe, one mention of a vape, no proofread and im sad, kind of fluff maybe?

a/n: aka what happens when i listen to false god on repeat

word count: 1.1k+

There’s finality in the air.

It clings to your skin with the sweat of the summer. It lingers in the smoke from Rafe’s vape, a vibrant colored object that you didn’t pretend to be shocked to see, but it was better than the things from before so you said nothing. It smells through your perfume, and his cologne, and the combined musk.

Finality is present, but you both avoid it.

You avoid it as Rafe kisses you. You ignore it as he lays you back on his bed, unmade and messy but still as comfortable as it’s always been. You pretend it doesn’t exist when Rafe’s deft fingers start to pull at the straps of your shirt, and when his fingers force the button of your shorts through the loophole.

You understand what comes next in terms of movement, your shirt removed along with your pants, leaving Rafe to tease your bare breast with his tongue and your clothed cunt with his fingers. But in terms of this, your relationship, you’re confused.

You can’t help but think about all of the fond moments through his actions, hope drifting through your head. Thinking about the times spent on his family’s boat as he sucks around your nipple. Thinking about the movie nights spent downstairs in the living room while his hand pushes your panties to the side. Thinking about all of the dates and the “I Love You”’s as he pushes one finger, then two, into your welcoming walls.

There was nothing but blind faith holding your relationship together, a glue that seemed secure when first applied, but as it weathered down with time, it weakened until it snapped in two from barely any pressure.

You thought it could work. You thought a relationship with Rafe Cameron would be fine. And it was. Rafe was never the problem.

Despite all of the warnings from your friends and his family, it was fine. You thought you could get away with it, your own Bonnie and Clyde running from reality. But you should’ve known.

It just seems like it wasn’t meant to be.

It’s a hard concept to grasp when his cock pushes in, bare and fitting like you two were meant to be, like he’s filling a mold made years before you two even mingled.

Your back arches, your mouth drops open and a sound threatens to slip out but you stop it before it can.

Rafe looks at you, heartache in his blue eyes as he shakes his head. “Don’t hold back. Lemme hear you.” A second of pause and his features soften more, if even possible. “Please.”

So you do.

You let every single sound slip past your lips as Rafe rocks into you steadily, each whimper and moan and gasp letting him know that he still does it for you.

Even with the distance between you two mentally, he still does it for you. And you start to think he always will.

In an attempt to make up for the gap, your chest presses against his. Your nails scratch at his shoulders, arms hooked around his chest and neck, pulling him as close to you as possible.

He seems to share a similar desperation, his hands pulling your hips to his, blunt nails digging into the plush of your skin. His lips are against your shoulders and neck and chest, kissing and mumbling and biting and licking.

There are marks. Many. You can feel each one settling in as he makes them, painting his final piece along the canvas.

They hurt just a little, but the sting is welcomed. It soothes the ache in your heart.

It’s hard to avoid finality when Rafe fucks you like this. It can’t even be described as fucking, instead something much more intimate that you don’t want to think about, fearing that tears will slide down your cheeks and not in the mind-bending way that they usually do.

Rafe grunts, hips snapping into yours and he starts to chase after your release that seems to run away from him, a fruitless attempt to prolong the experience.

“Remember—“ his voice is gruff, sounding akin to sandpaper as it crawls up his throat and out of his mouth. “Remember when I said I’d die for you?”

The words knock into your chest, taking words and air away from you for a second. You remember it clear as day, the time Rafe showed how he truly felt about you after multiple attempts to try and push you away, led by his own fear.

You try to respond, probably showcasing your best impression of a fish as your mouth opens and closes and opens and closes. Eventually, you take a deep inhale and settle on nodding.

“I still mean it.” He says your name and it’s so tender. It reminds you of all the times he’s said it before. It reminds you of how he said it to you earlier, asking to speak to you, pulling you away and upstairs where no real speaking has happened thus far. But it’s not necessary.

“I would still die for you.”

You kiss him, finding solace in the faux security in his lips. His rocks into your hips slow just a bit, but his grip tightens even more.

You grind into him, meeting him halfway in a dance that potentially could have saved your relationship if you studied the moves outside of the bed. But it’s too late now. It’s too late as you cum on his cock, crying out with a moan of his name and chants of your three favorite words and the salt glides down your cheeks.

Rafe nods against you, your lips separated briefly but your heads stay together, pressed tight forehead to forehead.

“I know, I know, sweetheart. I … I love you, too.”

It’s only a few more thrusts and you feel him getting sloppy, you feel him starting to pull back. But you hook your foot around his waist, and your arms hook around his neck, and you look at him. You really look at him.

It doesn’t take him long to realize what you want, and he gives it to you, warm spurts of his cum painting your walls, the final touch to his art piece.

There’s still the contraceptive in your system, and the money available for Plan B just in case, but it feels nice to have Rafe’s cum dripping out of you as he lays to your side, pulling you close.

It feels nice to imagine what could be if this didn’t all end come morning.

#rafesworld!#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron fluff #outer banks x reader

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bunji-enthusiast · 4 months

Text

Just this once — 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐃. 𝐖𝐨𝐥𝐟𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝

• Sypnosis || days are full of surprises and bargains you don’t wanna make, but maybe… just maybe this is a surprise that even he welcomes. For once.

• Pairing || Wolfwood/GN!Reader

• Warnings || none, short though. (Very bad attempt at writing this dude.)

• Note || something something, boys full of trauma.. something something fluff they absolutely deserve.

Most days he’ll admit, it’s a strenuous exercise to continue walking the desolate plains. Hell, it’s better with company, but he works alone and walks alone. All the better if one would dare say otherwise.

Trying to figure out your own path, part ways with a life that one would have been so comfortable to continue living, wasn’t something easy. Being just sorta… ripped away from it wasn’t a decision all on his own.

Yet, being friends with people he can put his trust in, learn to feel loved and valued — wasn’t something he decided on either. Wolfwood wasn’t nitpicky in the cards he is dealt, these cards are just ones that simply surprise him and far surpasses his expectations.

What were they again?

Ah he forgot, why would they matter anyway? It’s not exactly worth trying to remember in the face of such solace he felt he was trying to find. For now, Wolfwood would just have to sort through it himself.

Partaking in another smoke, he couldn’t help but notice the own uptake of the small smile taking residence on his face. The thought of you, Vash, Meryl and Robert.

In a way, Wolfwood couldn’t help but think of you all, as his family of sorts. Though he wouldn’t ever truly admit that atloud. Almost as if he would be ripped apart from you all at that very thought, not liked he deserved you or them in the first place.

To be careful, and stay at a distance. To not cause himself heartaches that were unnecessary, to remind himself what and why he was here for a reason.

“You’re not asleep,” Your voice rang out, stopping him from indulging in the burrowing reaches of the desolate pit of thoughts he was so used to being comfortable with. Wolfwood couldn’t help but let out a small scoff, sarcasm at best. “Yeah, why are you not?” He retorted.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Taking another step forward, standing right at his sitting side. “Mind if I join you, Mr. Wolfwood?”

The undertaker wasn’t going to refute your company, in spite of the whole of his being screaming at him to just get away from his mere presence. You sat down right beside him, without an ounce of hesitation. No shame or mere embarrassment that had took either.

With a failed attempt at hiding your sigh, he perks up slightly, elbowing you with a smarmy grin to hide his own self deprecation that had clearly seemed far too evident moments before.

“Talk to us.” Putting a hand on his shoulder, he felt warm to the touch. Which had surprised you, but you masked it quite easily, this was about him right now. He seemed more and more in pain every day that had passed. “I worry about you, Wolfwood.”

Your concern had light a small flicker beneath the stone-cold corners of his heart, but nonetheless, he wasn’t going to allow your worry to be pushed down so deeply. Merely rendering it to a fault, within a moment, Wolfwood had taken the forgotten cigarette from the corner of lips, pushing it out into a nearby sand dune.

“Eh, your worry is pretty useless.” He bit back his usual nickname for you, “Sides’ Im good and fine, no problem. Not like m’ injured.”

Wolfwood knew he wasn’t injured, as were you. Trying to find an eventual footing into this tender situation, wasn’t an easy one. To keep your own worries at bay, he honestly was a little offended you thought otherwise about his own health.

“Your no less important then we are.” You frown, scurrying to wipe away the ash that had been lingering at the corner of his lips left behind by his cigarette. Finding purchase in his warmth was surprisingly easy, Wolfwood wouldn’t always let you touch him this easily.

Trying to suppress his emotions, trying to find the words he was having trouble with speaking, he felt you. The shades were damn good at concealing his eyes at times, yet a troubling thing it is when he is so abnormally quiet.

“Wolfwood?”

“Nicholas.”

You looked at him, eye to eye. Taking off his sunglasses, he leaned into your touch that had still lingered on his cheek, barring as far to his jawline. Wolfwood sighed, barely daring to take another breath, as if he felt he was dreaming this very moment.

“Okay… Nico.” You spoke slowly, assuming as if he was just on the verge of losing it. No, he just needed some sort of ministration of comfort, to find community. “Mind if I do something real quick?”

Wolfwood raised a brow at you, not spilling any complaints. Just rather more curios and attentive to you then anything else. “Hm?”

Just in moments, you wrapped your arms around his frame. He let out a small gasp, no doubt he was surprised, feeling a lot of things in just a hug alone.

Trying to opt for hugs or even just comforting touches when he was younger, had left him scarred. Yours? It wasn’t hurting at all. You just hugged him.

And damn, it felt so nice for once.

#trigun stampede x reader #trigun wolfwood #trigun stampede #trigun #trigun x reader #trigun x you #nicholas d wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #Nicholas d. Wolfwood x reader #tristamp wolfwood #wolfwood x reader #wolfwood my beloved

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justagalwhowrites · 7 months

Note

Hi! Just wanted to say that I love you writing, and love how you write angst !!

Asking this anonymously because, I found out I need a third open heart surgery.

I was wondering if you still take request how would Joel feel about his significant other having a third heart surgery and finding him not being able Toby e kids because of it.

As much angst as you want.

Btw, I’ll be fine, it’s the third time they are doing it, im schedule for 5 surgeries! It’s all good, cardiomyopathy is chill when the doctors know what they are doing! 😅

OMG Hi Bestie!

I am so honored that you'd reach out about such an intimate ask. I hope your surgery goes/went well and that you're doing great!

Hopefully, this is something like what you're looking for!

Heartache

Joel looks out for you as you're treated for cardiomyopathy.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader with Cardiomyopathy

Warnings: Medical stuff! Light smut. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 2.5k

If there was one thing Joel hated, it was not having control.

He’d never really been happy at a job site until he was a manager, the one running SOMETHING. That way, he knew it was done right.

It had made life with Sarah’s mom difficult, back when she was at all in the picture, because when she actually took charge of anything, it ended up being a mess Joel had to clean up.

Hell, even just letting Tommy man the grill at family cookouts grated on him. He seemed to love to turn steaks too frequently, never giving them the time they needed on any one side. Joel had to grit his teeth and tried not to watch Tommy fuck up perfectly good cuts of meat.

But at least then you would slip your hand into his, lacing your fingers through his own, and kiss his shoulder, whispering “You know it’ll be fine, Babe” under your breath. You tried not to giggle when you said it, Joel could hear it in your voice.

You couldn’t do that now. Not when you were under anesthesia and he was stuck, sitting in a waiting room, waiting to hear that you were OK.

No, this kind of out of control, Joel had learned, he was especially bad at.

It started a few years earlier, not all that long after meeting you, really.

Joel had first bumped into you - literally - at a park. Sarah was playing, showing off some variation of a cartwheel she’d invented, when Joel saw a dog - a big dog - running right for her. He didn’t think about how to react, he just did, racing to put himself between his daughter and the unknown animal, only watching her and the dog when you ran smack into is side, sending you both sprawling to the ground.

“Ow, shit,” you groaned, sitting up and clutching your head. Joel turned only to see Sarah, flopped on the ground as the dog licked all over her face, tail wagging. Joel sighed in relief, going back to figuring out how to untangle his legs from yours.

“I’m so sorry, he’s usually better behaved than this but he’s all keyed up because we were at the vet earlier,” you said, tugging your leg back into yourself and looking at your knee. “I didn’t have as good a hold on his lead as I should have, he saw a rabbit and took off…”

“S’fine,” Joel said quickly, noticing you properly for the first time. You were in a little dress that showed off your legs, your eyes still bright and beautiful as you watched your dog play with his daughter. You were pretty. Really, really fucking pretty. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “No harm done.”

“Yeah, he’s a gentle giant,” you smiled, getting up. “He looks scary but, since I live alone, definitely more of a feature than a bug. He’s really just a big teddy bear.”

You called the dog over and looped the end of his leash around your wrist before you introduced yourself and Joel did the same, not able to take his eyes off you and your warm smile.

“Hey Dad!” Sarah ran over, some of her curls pulled free from her springy pigtails and wild around her face. “Dad, did you see? Did you see me with the dog?”

“Yeah, Baby Girl,” he laughed a little. “I saw.”

Your dog licked her hand, wagging happily.

“He likes you,” you smiled, squatting down to be on Sarah’s level as you gave the dog a scratch. “His name is Pluto!”

Sarah’s eyes got big.

“You mean like the dog from the cartoons?”

“Exactly,” you smiled. “He’s my best friend and he’s got very good taste, so if he likes you that means you must be pretty great.”

“Dad!” Sarah turned to Joel, her eyes still big. “Can Pluto come over to play?”

“Kiddo…” he sighed.

“Please?” She pouted. “You never let me get a dog, I want to play with a dog and he likes me and…”

You caught Joel’s attention over his daughter’s shoulder as you mouthed “it’s OK with me” at him. He smiled a little at that, you giving him an out so he wouldn’t have to be the bad guy with his daughter if he said no.

And he knew he probably should say no. The reason he said no dogs was because he worked too much and he didn’t want to leave a dog, alone and neglected, at home all day. Giving his six-year-old daughter ideas about a pet probably wasn’t the best idea.

And then there was you.

You were so pretty and so obviously good with Sarah you were practically temptation on legs. Invite you over and he’d be asking for trouble.

But Sarah loved your dog.

And Joel sure as hell wanted to see more of you.

“Want to come over for dinner?” Joel asked. “I’m just makin’ burgers but…”

You smiled, wide and bright and beautiful.

“Yeah,” you said. “Yeah, I’d love that.”

You came over that night and, in a way, you never really left. He watched you play with his daughter and your dog and put potato chips on your burger and find new music to add to his playlist once you heard what he liked to listen to, taking Sarah’s hands and dancing with her on the grass. It was the most fun Joel had had in years.

It was a year and a half later, when you fainted at work.

Joel was frantic when he got the call from your boss. You’d moved in just a few months earlier and Joel was almost waiting for something to go wrong. He’d never had anything go so right for so long in his entire life. Something going wrong was inevitable.

It didn’t seem right that it should go wrong for you.

“Joel,” you said, a wan smile on your face as you sat up in your hospital bed when he ran in. You looked so small and pale and he all but ran to you, sitting on the edge of your bed and taking your hand. “I’m fine, I’m OK, it’s OK.”

“Shouldn’t I be comfortin’ you?” He asked, smiling just a little even though he was having a hard time focusing on anything but the monitors that were attached to you.

“You look more upset than me right now,” you said, giving his hand a squeeze. “Really, babe, I’m fine. I just didn’t have enough to eat today and I got up too fast, that’s all.”

That’s not all it was.

It took them some time to figure out - and Joel pointing out that you seemed tired and lightheaded and your pulse felt strange below his fingers sometimes - but you had cardiomyopathy.

He was with you when the doctor handed down the diagnosis and you frowned, your eyebrows knitting together.

“What does that mean?” You asked. “It sounds serious….”

“It is,” the doctor nodded. “It’s a disease of the heart muscle, it makes it harder for the blood to pump through the body. It can even lead to heart failure. The good news is, we have treatment options…”

You sat there, eyes wide, clutching your purse on your lap. Joel took your hand and tried to take in every word the doctor said. He was going to do this with you. In you he’d found the one person he wanted to do everything with, the only person besides Sarah he wanted to see every day for the rest of his life. He might not understand what was wrong with you but he was going to figure it out.

When the two of you got home that afternoon, you were still in a state of shock. Joel walked with you to the kitchen table and got you a glass of water, sliding it in front of you. You just stared at it, your eyes a little wide.

“Honey,” Joel said, his voice calm. “It’s OK…”

You shook your head a little and drank the water before you set the glass back down, putting your hands in your lap and meeting his gaze from across the table.

“I understand that this was a lot more than you bargained for,” you said, your voice steady. “I don’t expect you to take care of me through all this, I can call my mom, I’m sure she would let me move in…”

“Why are you talkin’ about movin’?” He frowned, cutting you off.

“I mean, you heard the doctor,” you said. “There are surgeries and…”

“So?”

“Joel,” you shook your head and smiled a little. “You have a daughter and a demanding job and…”

“And I love you,” he said. “Not gonna let you do this without me.”

It was rough at the start. He went to all your appointments with you. The doctors decided surgery was the best route and Joel spent hours researching everything he could. It felt like he’d be able to do it himself by the time you went under the knife the first time.

He didn’t think that made him any less anxious about it, though.

It was at a follow up appointment that the two of you got more bad news.

“Wait,” you said, cutting your doctor off. “I’m sorry, I just… You’re making it sound like I won’t be able to have children. Is… is that true?”

“Unfortunately,” the doctor sighed heavily. “Yes, that’s true. There was just too much damage to the tissue and even with the work we’re doing, it wouldn’t be safe to put your body under the strain that pregnancy demands…”

You held it together until the two of you were in the truck, the floodgates breaking the second the door was closed. Joel tugged you against him, stroking your hair, kissing your forehead.

The two of you had talked about children, of course, but you were both undecided. You were both still young, you thought you had time to figure that out later.

“I’m so sorry, Joel,” your voice was wet. “I know we didn’t know what we wanted yet but… I thought I’d still get to choose and not have something else choose for me. I understand if this changes…”

“Marry me,” he said.

You sat up from him and sniffed, wiping your eyes.

“What?”

“Marry me.”

You just looked at him, frozen and blinking for a moment.

“No,” you shook your head. “No, you don’t mean…”

“Yes, I do,” he said. “Marry me.”

“Joel…”

“Only way I want more kids is if they’re your kids, Baby,” he said. “Whether they’re ones we made or ones we adopted, I wouldn’t care, as long as it’s with you. You not being able to have kids doesn’t make a damn difference to me, I love you. Marry me.”

You smiled a little through your tears and leaned over to kiss him gently.

“Let’s talk about that when we’re a little less emotional,” you said.

He brought it up again that night.

The two of you had gone to bed and Joel had fully intended to keep his hands to himself. You, however, had other ideas.

You kissed him and moaned against his lips and he gave into you, pulling your nightie over your head and slipping your panties down your legs before slipping inside of your tight, wet heat with a satisfied groan.

He worked your body, knowing you so well after almost two years together, pressing deep as you tightened around him, sucking your nipple into his mouth, stroking your clit as you got closer and closer to coming around him.

“Let go for me,” he sucked at the vulnerable skin of your throat, pressing so deep inside you as he did. “Come for me, come all over me, give it all to me…”

You obeyed, coming hard around him, your hand flying to his back to clutch him close as he worked you through your orgasm, too.

After, he pulled you on top of him as he lay flat on his back, your soft body spread over his and you sighed contentedly.

“Marry me,” he said again, brushing your hair back.

You laughed and shook your head.

“You really don’t have to…”

“I know,” he cut you off, reaching blindly into the top drawer of his bedside table. He fumbled blindly through it until he found the small, velvet box at the back. He pulled it out and pried the lid open with his nose before turning the box so you could see it. Your eyes went wide, a single diamond almost watching you from its place in the box. “Not just sayin’ it, Baby. Had this for a few weeks. Planned to take you somewhere special to ask once we had the chance but… seemed like this might be the right time.”

“Joel,” you breathed, taking the box, your hand trembling. “This is… I…”

“Marry me,” he said again. “Love you, more than anything. I want to do everything in life with you, the good stuff, the bad stuff, doesn’t matter. It all means more with you. Marry me.”

“Yes,” you said quickly, looking from the box to his eyes, smiling broadly. “Yes yes yes yes yes!”

Joel smiled.

“Oh, is that a yes?” He teased a little. “Just wanted to make sure…”

You rolled your eyes and laughed, burying your face in his chest. He just held you close as you looked back at him, stretching up his body to kiss him.

“That’s a yes,” you whispered.

“Good,” he said, taking the ring from the box and sliding it on your finger. “Because I love you. Love you so damn much.”

“I love you, too,” you smiled against his lips as you kissed him.

You got married just a few months later.

“Mr. Miller?” The doctor came out from the operating room and he all but jumped up to meet him, his stomach in knots. It felt like he’d been sitting there for days, stuck in a state of limbo where he had no control.

“That’s me,” Joel said quickly. “How’s she doin’? How’d it go?”

“Everything went great, Mr. Miller,” the doctor smiled broadly and Joel relaxed a bit. “Your wife is doing very well, you can head back and see her in just a minute…”

Joel nodded along as the doctor filled him in on everything and he did his best to pay attention. But it was hard. All he really cared about was getting back to see you. Everything else seemed like it could wait.

After what felt like a small eternity - but could only have been a few minutes - Joel was led back to your room, where you were just coming out of the anesthesia, still groggy but you smiled at him all the same.

“Hey babe,” you smiled, reaching for him.

He smiled back, taking your hand before leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“Hey Baby,” he took your face in his hand. “How’s that heart of yours?”

“All yours, Joel,” you smiled a little, settling back into your pillow. “All yours.”

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #send asks #kit answers #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc

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albaqae · 9 months

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NIMONA SPOILER RANT!!!

Soooooo I watched it a bit ago and OH MY GOD???????

The way they gave nimona a more pear shaped body as a kid really meant a lot to me, u don’t see that many kids like that in media, and as a child it felt like because I wasn’t like kids on tv i took up more space than I was supposed to (the good old “why do my thighs look like that when I sit” and “why are my shoulders wider” and ofc! The “why isn’t my face as thin as them?”) IDK I HAVENT SEEN LOTS OF PPL POINT IT OUT BUT IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME??????

Altho Merida rlly helped me out w that but kids are still rude!

Bal also put out so many questions, like why do we feel we need to prove ourselves to other people? And why does it tend to take up a bigger seat than our morale? And the way it started to erode off his character was so realistic I feel also because they were so throughout with it, they didn’t just show the viewer “love urself” they actually DEMONSTRATED how that position FEELS

It felt like it was happening to YOU

And I really love they made a character gay without making it a CONFLICT, it feels like whenever people try to make movies about queerness, they can get lost in the homophobia and conflicting gay identity, and it can sometimes overshadow over the characters themselves (their intentions, feelings, etc replaced by labels and social customs so much that the character is just lost), and in the end of it, it leaves me super unsatisfied because I never KNEW who this was even about!!!

But here yes it was a plot point, but the characters felt real, like they actually loved each other, it made this conflict between feeling like one has to choose just a million times more important

I CARED about what happened to these characters

I feel that a part of that is how they made goldenloin the screentime of him regretting what he was going to bal, like u saw the raw, unresolved conflicts in his eyes every time he cornered him and ofc the “im fine, commander” scene REALLY just completes it all

If this movie was around when I was a child, I think it would’ve saved me a lot of heartache and maybe would’ve made me feel a bit better about being “too much”

And a lot more if I saw it when I didn’t know what my identity was (fun fact- I still dunno!)

And THE ANIMATION. THE ANIMATION. THE ANIMATION.

Ima just say- I’ve never seen characters melt onto each other that well, and even LESS in 3D ANIMATION??????

Also nimona’s unapologetic feral energy and how it both brings her up and throws her down- I just discovered a lot of myself in her and idk i guess I’m trying to be kinder to myself and ruder to those who aren’t kind to me (??)

I’m still figuring it out lol

#I wish child me saw this #also it was so pink in such a nice shade it’s my favorite now #this movie broke me #nimona spoilers #nimona #ballister boldheart #nimona movie #nimona film #sobbing #unintelligible rants #alba analysis

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andro-dino · 5 months

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Hi sorry for the ask jumpscare. I've been craving some Nile angst recently and may you could provide some of that Nile angst. (bc I randomly remembered the unrequited love Nile/Kyouya clip a while back. But it doesn't have to be about that.)

oooouhhh Nile angst,,, I haven’t had any angst thoughts in a while.

I think Nile’s interesting bc despite what he goes through, he’s actually very levelheaded and calm about it most of the time. I think he’s a very logical person and able to kinda see a lot of situations two steps ahead already, so he’s able to keep cool (for the most part) in the present. I think there’s a lot you could do with that there. I think the most obvious one is the emotional repression angle, where he’s almost too far ahead to the point where he’s not really letting himself feel in the moment. Like, he’s surprisingly chill about Kyoya’s outburst and split off from the group in fury considering how close they are, and he justifies that knowing that that’s just the kind of person Kyoya is and he wouldn’t expect him to stay tied down to something for long, and yet there’s still something about it that makes his stomach turn. He knows Kyoya’s a free spirit and not necessarily the friendliest person, so this isn’t really that out of character for him, yet part of him still wanted Kyoya to consider him a little more. For how close he thought the two were, they weren’t really getting much time together, and now with this, it only made him feel less secure about their bond. It’s kind of a feeling of his rationalism clashing with his own feelings and attachments, yk?

Another route I actually remembered I have thought a bit about before is how much Nile worries over Kyoya. Nile cares for Kyoya a ton, more than Kyoya probably even realizes, but he also knows that Kyoya has NO sense of self preservation and just wishes he would stop being so goddamn stubborn and reckless all the time. This thought is kinda inspired by wild fang vs gan gan galaxy, where Kyoya is super beat up and in no shape to battle after his battle with Gingka, yet still insists on going out there, despite Nile’s protests. Again, Nile kinda just accepts this as part of Kyoya’s character, but it worries him so much. I can definitely see and argument breaking out about that, and I think it could be interesting if Nile argued in this case that it’s selfish of Kyoya to be so reckless because of how much it disregards everyone else around him. It’s selfish because every time he does it, Nile is worried sick about what might happen to him, and he doesn’t even take the time to think about how his actions are causing that and considering anyone’s feelings besides his own. Like, not to pull out the “Why can’t you take care of yourself, if not for yourself then for me?” right now but like basically that. I’ve thought about this idea more lightheartedly before (I have an old ass doodle somewhere of Nile bandaging Kyoya up while the two yell at each other, ala “THIS IS STUPID IM FINE CHRIST THAT HURTS” “WELL MAYBE IF YOU WERENT GOING AROUND OVEREXERTING YOURSELF AND THROWING YOURSELF INTO TORNADOES, NEITHER OF US WOULD BE IN THIS SITUATION”) but I think it’s a very easy concept to make more angsty if you add more heartache into it.

Nile in general strikes me as the kind of independent but lonely type. In my head at least, he has a kind of duality between being fine on his own, and even preferring it at most points, but so desperately craving human connection and care. I think that’s part of what lets he and Kyoya get along so well in the first place, both are very free spirited and independent, but are able to understand each other and mesh more comfortably because of that. And with that, since there is a degree of yearning and relishing in that connection once he gets it, it’s only all the more confusing and painful once it’s called into question. Him kinda being under the impression that their relationship was something they both enjoyed more than being complete loners most of the time, yet he’s so willing to separate and say he doesn’t need anyone at all. Nile kinda figured they both needed each other a bit, so it’s strange realizing that may have been more one sided than he initially realized.

#axel’s silly little thoughts #nile beyblade #my ask box is always open I love being insane about fictional characters 🫶#always looking for more excuses to talk excessively about things im insane about #Nile’s a character who I think is very easy to make angsty but I always worry it’s gonna be ooc for him since he is so chill in canon #it’s fun to think abt that though #I think you could also for the very easy route of Nile realizing Kyoya’s entire being revolving around Gingka and being like #’hey what the fuck’#but I’m not really a big kyogin guy so I don’t really like to think about it much lolz <3

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honeyglz · 1 year

Text

Deal me in.

A/N - This is going to be a series because I said so ALSO CHECK OUT MY OTHER SERIES 'New light' !!! (Update) P2 is up!

Reader - Fem (she/Her)

Pairing - Bakugou x reader

P2- Amaryllis's ball

Au - Royal Au

Disclaimer- I do not own any of these character aside form Y/N / The reader

Warnings!!- Angsty stuff guys, Arranged marriage. Pls lmk if I missed any !!

-♡-

The rules were simple. Once your in pay up, you can't let your partner know you are participating and you can not under any circumstances allow yourself to be caught. What were all these rules for?

Simple. A bet to see who could survive marriage the longest.

Now of course marriage is supposed to be the tie between lovers. A symbol of commitment and admiration. But her's, to put it plainly, was an power move. A stepping stool for everyone but her it seemed.

The hallowed halls of the stone castle she called home were silent. Most nights were. She sat on her vanity, skin dripping in fine silks as she stared dully into the mirror. Bags sat under her eyes still scanning the letter in front of her. An invitation to play for her freedom. The crisp white paper crumbled under her grasp, waxy red seal glistening under the warm hues of the candle light. She stayed with her thoughts until a soft voice pulled her out of her trance. "Sorry to interrupt ma'am, but I thought I'd inform you of his majesty's arrival, him and his troops have made it back from battle." A young maid announced leaving swiftly, sending her alone once again. Her hands ran over the letter once more before slipping it behind the mirror, a place she hid most things away. Just as she anticipated heavy footsteps rang through the hall way, quickly she stood, a small hopeful smile gracing her lips as her heart pounded. The wooden floor creaked as he entered, messy blonde hair tangled with dirt and grime, skin covered just as much. His pale skin was beaten and bruised, small wounds littering his skin as his heavy boots hit the floor, armour clanking loudly as he dropped the metal on the floor. He didn't say anything as he began to rip of his armour, layer by layer he worked swiftly, tried grunts emitting every now and then. She gulped slightly as her mouth dried looking for the right words, any words really. Slowly she began walking over to him. "Don't." She was taken aback abit before he spoke again. "Just leave me. Whatever you thinking about doing, just don't." This time she spoke up. "I'm just trying to help." "Well don't. I barely wanted you around before I left, what makes you possibly think now is any different" his voice was cold, words sharper than any blade he could have wielded, far more swift than any blow. She felt her heart sting as she swallowed any growing heartache as she turned back to vanity. "Well I'm sorry for trying to make this marriage even abit more bearable." "Tch, see that's where you'er wrong, this, this thing we're stuck in-" She didn't respond as he continued. "-It's not marriage. It's a fucking arrangement alright? Nothing more, nothing less. We're not together, we're not inlove and we sure as hell aren't fucking married." He stood, dropping the last of his armour before leaving, the cold chill of the night cooling down her heated face. A tear ran down her face, then another, more and more they fell gently. She cursed silently as she wiped them to no avail. Her heart aching she grabbed a quill, snatching whatever paper she could grasp she began writing. The letter was short, accompanied with a bag full of gold as the messenger ran to deliver it. The paper stated in coal black ink- 'Deal me in.'

-♡-

A/N - Short little intro to a new series. Im vry sorry for my lack of posts I was camping :). As always enjoy <3 (also. If u wanna be on the tag list pls state so !!)

#mha #mha angst #Bakugou x reader #Bakugou Au #Bakugou mha #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katuski x reader #bakugou x you #x Reader #Mha x reader #mha x reader angst #angst #Bakugou #bakugou mha #HoneyGlz #royal au #royalty au #Mha royalty au

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bluewinnerangel · 1 year

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right back at ya cowboy

Omg ella I'm so sorry I was gonna do this "later" and then it got buried. OK. I clicked. EDIT: I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS IM DOUBLE SORRY lol imma expose my ramble draft

[So in case someone's reading this thinking ???? we sometimes throw a spinning wheel of songs at each other and then just go rambling yelling analysing whatever it gives back. I've kept track with this tag, feel free to copy any of them wheels links and go off or bug someone with it actually pls do]

Oh you mean that song I for some reason like some total idiot put on first thing in the morning and just bawl my eyes out, you know when its so early you're just so vulnerable and everything feels raw and there's no thoughts just something primal happens and it's me drowning myself in this song and then the day can start I guess am I fine nobody knows. It's now my Saturday morning ritual where before coffee I see some sun and I just bawl there's something therapeutic about it. I'd recommend it. Just some sun some coffee brewin some confused pet wondering if you're OK yeah.

Anyway. The song I can place extremely easily in like "1d ended and it sucked" context, but it works with a lot. whatever I can think of him, or anyone, writing about, whatever it means to me. (general Louis' songwriting ramble incoming:) I'm looking at FITF differently compared to Walls and previous work and he's approached it differently, I feel like what he's been saying about his discography fits that as well. I think (this is a mash of what i think to hear in his lyrics and in interviews, so heavy paraphrasing:) before he had this idea he should be writing where the whole thing makes sense to be about this one situation/idea and it has to be about him too and sure perhaps a context might have been written around it, but i think in the past hes been pretty perfectionist on having every single line fit the thing he was thinking of what that song is, and now thats no longer the case. Now it's whatever works, whatever hits, feels, does it. It doesn't matter one thought/situation flows into another.

I guess that was a long rambley way of saying I wanna do line by line lyric analyses of his stuff but I don't know how to make that work as it did previously, for me at least. But on the other by temporarily running with one interpretation and seeing what you can find in the lines can really help see more angles, bring more depth to the line, and consider other meanings and stuff so.. idk not much wrong with it. I wanna do that too I think. This is I guess A Promise I'll do a Holding On To Heartache lyric breakdown. At Some Point. :D

But I think his choices of words and soundscapes and perhaps all them being little references are just wonderful. I cherish it so much. I'm slightly afraid he did the same in Perfect Now (like after seeing a web of possible perfect now lyrical referencing that song did become one of my favs as I love that idea like it gives so much more body depth meaning whatever to a song to me even if not on purpose lol its not even relevant at that point anymore anyway) and long term didn't value it much so now I'm afraid my new little more poppy fav will be his new neglected child but time will tell. Just... have an itch. Rip. EDIT yeah that itch got worse because of the track by track we got now.. it's got that bit about HOTH being a poppy one and the way he's talking about it sigh i feel him but sigh also hes sigh i dont wannt start that discourse over that shit so no. but itch. I uh... luckily don't let how I interpret his reactions to his own songs affect the way I feel about his own songs haha brainpayne this.

ok ok ok last ramble it sounds so fucking liquid? so wet?? how do I explain this why does it sound w e t EDIT: help me he said the sound is like a guitar under water like he's drowning it's flooding we're in a puddle of tears this song, it's what makes me bawl I think, because the song sounds like bawling, and your cheeks are puffed up and we,t and you find a moment of quiet and stare up at the sky with your wet lashes exhausted defeated but you're still here you're still breathing. Also the bridge with the "space between us just comes FLOODING back" at the end of it, it's not the bit that hits the hardest in an obvious way, instead it kinda gets overlooked a way, theres no moment to sit and waddle in the SHIT FLOODING BACK RIGHT THERE it just goes right into the quiet bit again,there's no time given to recover from getting crushed by the wavesm and it just does something to me... I can't leave that bit as the little end of a big thought it sounds like, but the way its sung... time just keeps ticking and we're at the end. I'm almost sure that wasn't intentional and like @ me why focus on this of all the overwhelm that's in this song, but that just feels like a reflection of the feeling I get from this song, you're just fucking sitting there in the middle of this overwhelming ache these waves of hurt and shit just moves on and youre just there stuck there with but i wasn't done? But I guess I should be? Like there's no room for me drowning in this even more but I feel like I need to still?

ramble out.

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