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literaphobe · 4 years

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season three of she-ra rated by catradora content

the price of power: adora talks about how she thinks the others at the horde can change too and when u think about it in the “at this point in the story, she still hoped catra would change” way it’s like wow :’) we knew that but wow :’) it sucks tho that in this scenario she’s actually wondering specifically if shadow weaver can change, which :/ hm :/ bc shadow weaver sucks. adora really fucking called her out on her abuse tho which is so sexy, and yes that has nothing to do with catradora i just felt like i really wanted to mention it at least <3 shadow weaver is a loserrrr <3 but.... she does mention “catra betrayed me” which makes adora do her “oh, catra?👀” eyebrow raise. i swear she cannot keep a straight fucking face whenever someone mentions catra. it’s like. are you lgbt or something? :/ 2/10

huntara: no catra this episode, but adora’s reaction to huntara will forever go down as one of her stupidest gay moments. u think catra knew super huge buff ladies were adora’s type? how fucking funny would it be if catra thought she never stood a chance with adora not because of the internalized homophobia shadow weaver instilled in them but simply because she thought she was not tall and buff enough for adora’s taste. “adora doesn’t want me!!!!! not like i want her..... because i’m not swole😔” 0/10

once upon a time in the waste: very funny and sexy of catra 2 be like. hm. i was sent here to die. i have completely given up on my hopes and dreams. oh wait what did you say? she-ra?😏 and she was blonde?👀 she’s got a sword?😩 she was angry?😽 her name is adora?👅 and all of a sudden catra is like nope existential crisis over. i’m gay again. and also evil again. that mix culminates in her giving a sexy monologue. did you know that if you’re gay and evil you will give very sexy monologues? and also sword lesbians will fall in love with you despite your questionable morals? anyway, catra takes over the whole of the crimson waste. i won’t discuss how since technically it doesn’t involve catradora but it was really hot okay😔 also adora was being really hot and powerful and fearless (she did not even flinch as bats flew in her face. hello?) and Angery this ep but i will also not get into it😩 i will however remark upon how both catra and adora low key had meltdown monologues this ep, and it is :( but also hot and cool of them. now, i will move onto when they meet <3 catra starts slow clapping as her goons creep onto mara’s ship and poison dart the best friend squad. they only send three darts flying and the last one is blocked by huntara. we have to assume that catra only ordered her team to send three darts for huntara, bow, and glimmer, leaving adora for last because catra has to greet her with, and let’s say it all together—“hey, adora😼”. adora tries to make a run for her sword but catra uses her new sexy cool whip to take it away. “i think this might be the quickest i ever won a fight. always so dramatic with you, isn’t it, adora?” adora tells huntara to save bow and glimmer first, leaving adora as catra’s only prisoner. 👀👀👀👀 soon after, everyone is celebrating, and catra sits in the big chair on mara’s ship like it’s a throne, casually draped over with adora’s sword in her hand, the long blade just resting between her legs. and. hooooooooooooooo boooooooooooooiiiiii. let me just. let me just have a second over here okay folks? this is all very hard for my sexuality to take. i don’t think u all realize how hard it is to make these evaluations. every day i have a breakdown over how hot one of them is. it’s one thing to just watch the show but every time something gay happens (so like, every five seconds) i gotta pause it and take notes (by take notes i really mean start ranting about it like this) and then i gotta like rewind it and shit to double check and i have to force myself to just be repeatedly subjected to the gayness. starting to get a little homophobic tbh! okay back to the show. catra is so fucking sweet and makes everyone cheer scorpia on too. she breaks out into this beautiful giggle. oh my god her laugh. bitches falling for this catgirl left and right smh. catra grabs scorpia’s claw and drags her away from the party. we also find out this is when catra learns about what a party is. remember how adora didn’t know what a party was either? :( damn. they deserve to have absolute ragers ok. catra starts talking about how valued and cool she will be when they go back and show hordak the sword, etc, and scorpia is like. but what if we didn’t do that. what if we just stayed here and had a gay life. a good honest gay life filled with sick parties and gang leading. and catra is like oh right.... u have a point..... i do hate the horde...... wonder why that is.... and then scorpia makes a fatal mistake. she says “forget adora!” which is about the dumbest thing you can tell a self destructive catgirl who’s been in love with adora her whole life but also kinda resents her atm. and catra is like perhaps i don’t want to forget adora. did u consider that scorpia? did you not think about how i crave her lips upon my mouth every night? fuck u im gonna go uh... find adora n maybe tie her up even more idk >:( catra goes to “check on the prisoner”, according to her own words. what does that mean, catra. like what. ur gonna go see if adora wants some tea? something 2 eat?👅 someone to kiss? Fkskdjdjdj adora is obviously struggling against her restraints and trying to break free, and the second she sees her she goes “catra, you can’t do this! >:(“ and catra is like “well, hello to you, too.” because MANNERS, adora, like god damn it catra always puts in the tender loving care and effort to greet you and you can’t even say hello? :( catra dismisses the goon who was previously guarding adora, because when you.... talk to your..... best friend turned enemy who’s now your prisoner. ur gonna want some privacy ya know😌😩👀😔 anyway catra is like ok.... once again.... y can’t i do this. and adora is like more horde army might come in!!! which. adora baby i love you but maybe don’t make that the thesis statement of your sales pitch? to the person who was second in command at the horde?? not to nitpick but if i were u i would’ve just said “noooooo don’t open a portal that might destroy reality ur so sexy ahaha” OR “if u give me back my sword and decide NOT to rip apart the fabric of this dimension i’ll kiss you on the mouth❤️” i know that u think ur feelings are one sided and that catra isn’t in love with you and that you can��t seduce her to the bright side💔 but u actually could have 💔 fkdkdjdjdj moving on.... catra says “never a dull moment with you❤️” which is weirdly so romantic. like yeah they’re enemies but catra gets bored when adora isn’t around. life is always exciting when adora is there, in catra’s eyes :’( like damn bitch if you like her so much why don’t you just marry her haha. please? <3 adora continues to explain that we will ALL lose if hordak opens a portal, light hope and mara said that opening a portal will endanger everyone!! and catra says the funniest thing. “you’ll listen to anything weird old holograms tell you, won’t you? you should really try to get over that. :/“ LFKDKFKDKFKFKFJ GIRL YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING THIS FUNNY. but then adora says the wrong thing :( she brought up you know who and said “shadow weaver told me” and catra.... :( she’s like. how did. she tell you. and adora’s voice goes soft and it’s like “you didn’t know?” because from what she knows catra is allegedly the one who betrayed shadow weaver, not the other way around. and catra grabs adora by the collar and pulls her in and adora gets this gasp and. let me just scream for five minutes. okay. i’m back. so. catra pulls her in and she’s like HOW. and adora just very slowly and cautiously tells her the truth. that shadow weaver is in bright moon. and :( catra :( she lets go of adora and comes to this. very destructive realization that shadow weaver “left her” for adora and that all the pain she’s felt is all Because Of Adora. that, just by being adora, everything, all the happiness that catra could have had, has been taken away. which she is wrong about but that’s what she thinks :( and adora realizes that this is. not good. and she gently goes “catra?” because the look on her face must be worrying to adora, and catra starts to walk away and adora desperately calls out to her. “catra, please, you have to listen!” but...... it’s too late :( and catra is enveloped by the darkness. 9/10 for the collar grabbing shit and just the inherent gayness of their connection and interactions but also this is all so sad bros :( my bros are all devastated

moment of truth: catra walks back into the horde with her arm around adora’s shoulder. hm! Hm! HM! really doesn’t feel like she needs to do that! but she’s doing it anyway! later on, entrapta and adora are alone and talking. “catra would say anything to get whatever she wants.” true, but also not true, adora. she wants to be your gf, but has she said anything about it? no :/ that’s in like 2 seasons. and you were literally about to die so she low key had nothing to gain. so :/ think carefully next time. fjsjfjsjdjdjd entrapta pulls out the funniest cutest bar graphs of data, and there’s like four categories and for some reason catra has low scores for the first three but a really high score for the last one? i desperately want to know what that is. adora says “look, i understand. catra was my friend, too.” and she casts her eyes to the side when she says this. as if.... that statement is a lot more loaded than it seems. because yes catra was adora’s friend. but also wasn’t she, at the same time, so much more than that? yes <3 it was because they were best friends <3 gal pals <3 “but she makes bad decisions. this is one of them.” :( yeah i mean what am i supposed to do. disagree with that? it’s so wild to think about how even through all of this adora never hated catra. arguably, she never stopped loving her either. which. sigh😔 pour one out boys we are yearning tonight! entrapta leaves the room, asking adora if she’ll try to escape. and adora is like “no?👀” which is irrelevant but also really funny. another irrelevant thing i want to bring up is catra when she’s losing in a fight against shadow weaver. “so, what? you’re on the side of good now? you made me this way, and you get to be the good guy?” bro. fucking.... bro. catra’s lines istg.... also her being able to take on gang leaders and princesses and take those people down easily but to lose so quickly to shadow weaver... y’all know what that is right :( sigh. wait. i’m not done let’s sit very sadly on this next line for a bit. “do you know what happened to me after you escaped? do you even care?” i’m gonna cry okay. right. back to catradora. catra is. really unhinged and devastated and destructive right now :( and so she marches into entrapta’s lab and demands that they fire up the portal machine. entrapta says they can’t, because “adora was right” and immediately that sets catra off. she gives this barely restrained chuckle and is like “adora is right.....” and she’s just. having a full on breakdown. she’s just filled with so much anger and resentment.... i can’t even joke and call it a hate boner man, and that sucks because i would love to call it a hate boner :( “adora gets EVERYTHING she wants” no catra, you are wrong. she wants you. she does not have you. case closed. adora has literally only truly wanted one thing in her life, and she does not have it because you won’t give it to her 😔 in conclusion, adora p much never gets what she wants :( why don’t you go over and hug her and then maybe you’ll calm down. i know it’s more complicated than that but still😔 anyway, catra is very determined to not let adora win, so in order to beat adora, she decides they have to open the portal no matter what, because that’s the one thing adora seems to not want right now. some very not chill stuff happens, and catra runs into hordak’s lab and demands that he opens the portal. she lies to hordak and says “oh you can’t trust anyone, especially a PRINCESS” and she turns over to glare pointedly at adora. which is. SUCH a bitter ex thing to do. “they’ll just use you to get what they want” CATRA SHE LOVES YOU :( SHES IN LOVE WITH YOU SHE ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE WITH YOU :( and also she was raised to think she only had worth if she did what others expected of her and that everyone’s happiness and safety was somehow her responsibility. and that it would be better for her to die than for others to get hurt. she was never trying to use you :( you were the only thing that ever made her selfish :( bow, glimmer, and shadow weaver run in and fight with hordak and catra, and catra realizes she has to pull the lever now or it’ll be too late. adora desperately yells “catra, please, don’t!” and catra looks at her for a last time, evil smirking before she does it. roll credits. 8.5/10

remember: oh, we’re really in it now huh :( we hear the last lines from catra and adora from the last episode, and i think this is a part of adora’s dream. she is woken up by catra gently saying her name <3 then by catra a little bit angrily saying her name fjsjdjdjd adora wakes up with a shock and catra is sitting on top of her. HHHHHH. okay. adora shoves catra off and catra is like ???? damn what usually u pull me closer and hug me when i wake u up😔😔 wtf. but catra grabs adora’s wrists to calm her down anyway and gives her this pretty reassuring look, and she jokes “heh, since when do you sleep in? u usually wake up early to flirt with me!” as we all know adora gets nightmares even from her days in the horde so catra just treats this as normal and tries to make adora feel better as usual. ground her and say lighthearted things to make adora remember that she is safe. i mean technically the universe is collapsing in on itself rn so making adora feel safe isn’t the Best thing to do but catra also thinks the fake reality IS reality atm so that’s not her fault <3 adora is confused about how she got “here” and catra finds this strange because adora is in her room! she has her own room now, because she’s force captain! which makes u wonder whether catra and adora would sleep in the same bed if adora was force captain. would catra creep in and sleep in her bed still? would they lock the door and cuddle? oh well! guess we’ll never know! they... are so soft here, just smiling at each other, catra worried about adora, adora smiling back and deciding to just dismiss what happened as a weird dream. “there was something i needed to fix...” “of course you dream about work. there’s nothing to fix adora. everything’s perfect.” hhhh i know everyone in the fake reality thinks Everything’s Perfect too but can we just be gay for a second and think about how a perfect life for catra is just... to be with adora. can we just chomp down on that meaty thought for a sec? :( ok anyway, catra puts her hand on adora’s shoulder and adora smiles and is like wow ur right :) this does feel pretty perfect i mean catra and i are in bed together what could be so wrong💞😜😘👅😎😩 catra pulls adora up to her feet and says “come on, get up” and adora is perfectly happy to just chase after catra. it’s so fucking unfortunate tho that she decides at the last second to pick her ugly ass jacket up. like baby, no. u look perfectly hot as is in that white top. but she needs the jacket to see her force captain badge so she can get Visions or whatever. like goddamn i know the world was collapsing in on itself but imagine if shadow weaver had never been like abusive and the horde was just some chill ass ugly hangout spot instead of a fascist regime. catra and adora really could’ve just been happy huh? :( anyway catra gets kinda annoyed that her gf is not chasing after her any more and instead putting on her ugly ass jacket and looking at it in the mirror. so she’s like “adora! :(“ and adora goes running. she always comes when catra calls for her😌😌😌😌 and then the opening credits play, giving me whiplash. wow that was such a gay fucking cold open. adora walks side by side with catra and is a little weirded out by all the people saluting her and shit. and she’s like lmao wtf what are they all looking at and catra is like u u beautiful idiot. ur hot, and also the invasion of thaymor that u led went perfectly❤️ ur the hero of the hour i’m so proud of you babe❤️ catra is just a proud happy gf who smiles so beautifully and adora is getting more Visions and Flashbacks. but catra is so hot when she’s proud of her that adora decides that she’s gonna be like YEAH OMG I DID THAT WAR CRIME RIGHTS <3 and salutes people like a fucking idiot. and catra does the whole flirty “oh please, you couldn’t have done it without me ;)” bit and wraps her gay arm around gay adora who looks like she’s in heaven, hilariously pushing adora down a bit because catra is SHORT FJSJDJDJD and adora is like “rightttt ;) what would i ever do without you ;)” and man to be a horde soldier witnessing their flirting. i would start yelling slurs at them immediately. adora elbows catra with her arm and they both laugh, but the force causes catra to bump into a horde soldier. and the soldier makes the fatal mistake of reacting normally and being like HEY WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING TWERP and catra is not amused. adora puts her hands on her hips, glaring at the soldier, and he immediately gets so fucking scared. and the soldier is like UHUHUH FORCE CAPTAIN I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE— I’M SO SORRY. didn’t know she was what? DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS WHAT???? gay????? banging this angry catgirl????? in the middle of flirting with her??????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN. what does it ALL mean?????? and adora is just like YEAH U BETTER BE >:( disMISSED >:( like fucking WHAT?????? yeah how dare u get mad at my gf for bumping into you. it is YOUR fault for existing while we were roughhousing as part of a very intricate ritual. u ruined the FLOW of our flirting u jackass. u fucking bitch. now we gotta start all over again :( and then like the soldier leaves while v terrified and keeps bowing at them and catra and adora just bursts out laughing at each other. they’re that lesbian couple who will bully u in school and feel zero remorse for it. that is so fucking sexy. i wish that were me. catra proceeds to make fun of the soldier she bumped into and didn’t even apologize to all “oh, force captain, don’t hurt me! UHAHASHUAH” and adora plays along with the re-enactment by posing and acting tough. catra really do be flexing her privilege as gf of everyone’s boss huh. she’s that secretary who WILL spit in your coffee and kick you in the shin all because the CEO is in love with her and they’re like slamming ass. catra is like. just straight up rubbing it in everyone’s faces that she’s untouchable because adora is in love with her. that’s just. that’s just greaaat. they both start laughing again at their own jokes. and yeah they’re both pretty funny people but like ok lesbians. have fun being happy or whatever. catra is like “too good” and adora is like hehehe baby!!!! where are we going again and catra is like to the locker room!! there’s something i wanna show you😘😘😘 because you know they’re in love. them just walking down a corridor together feels like a straight up date. adora thinks they’re taking The Long Way instead of this shortcut she knows with a side door but that door is gone and suddenly this throws Doubt again. and i guess that door got swallowed up by the reality-collapsing portal but damn adora :/ what’s wrong with taking the long way? :/ too good to spend some quality time w ur gf? :/ JFJSJDJ anyway catra is like what? no this way is the right way :) the scene can be read as cute gfs who argue about directions even tho it’s just a walk to the locker room ❤️ i wouldn’t say it’s the right way to read the scene bc the point is that parts of reality as adora knows it is disappearing but shhh. i am gay <3 catra immediately starts worrying about adora again and she’s like DO U HAVE A CONCUSSION :( and like grabs adora’s face which is so cute. she also accidentally shoves adora towards her chest so adora has No Choice but to stare :) good for you adora “i know you get hit on the head a lot” JFKSKDKSJDJD man but catra gf goals tho :( get u a girl who will check if u have a concussion because you get hit on the head a lot, most of it accidents 😩😩😩 “but i figured your dumb little hair poof would cushion the blow” HDHJSSHAHSHSHSH GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND WHO WILL LOVE YOU EVEN THO UR HAIR POOF IS DUMB😳😳😳 adora is a tiny bit >:( about being roasted for her hair choices and also a bit >:) because catra touched her and she’s like LMAOOO IM ALL CHILL M8 😩👌🏻💅🏻😎 “don’t make me kick your butt” as she shoves catra. wow adora! watch where you’re putting your hands! jk i know i know :) you simply have no choice because the only place to shove someone is to push their tiddies :) i understand and approve :) catra responds to adora’s threats with “pft ;) as if you could” which is just yet another invitation for them to “fight” :). u know how i feel about catradora and their roughhousing? it’s like. u know how people talk about men fighting each other as an excuse to touch? i feel like catradora said yeah that’s ours now. and they’re right. it’s theirs. they literally. they fucking giggle and shit as they start shoving and hitting each other all the way to the locker room. and lonnie is like SURPRISE and adora’s reaction is so funny she legit looks like she got mad p*ssy blocked and she’s like the FUCK. and catra isn’t as mad bc she kind of like planned this cute like i love you adora❤️ surprise party. because it’s a surprise party! for adora! adora is like damn whats this?? grey ration bar cake w my face drawn on it? also from the looks of the drawing i feel like catra definitely drew it. isn’t that so fucking cute. adora hugs lonnie (yay) and kyle (what the fuck gross???) and she’s like u guys 😩😩😩u got the gray kind.... that’s way better than the brown kind.... lonnie is like “hey, it was catra’s idea!” implying that catra definitely specifically told them to make the cake out of the gray ration bars, not the brown ones. and adora. let’s all take a deep breath. she goes. “oh yeah? ;)” in the most. insufferably flirty way ever. like in that Wow This Was All You Huh ;) way, with her stupid hands on her stupid hips giving catra this 😏😏😏😏😏😏 look. and catra is like ;) casually leaning against the wall, her arms all crossed. it is interesting to note that adora keeps putting her hands on her hips and catra keeps crossing her arms. i think that’s really cute. catra says “eh, whatever, don’t make a big deal about it” but it is a big deal catra. u don’t just plan cute surprise parties for anyone. and the fact that this is YOU we’re talking about? for catra planning a thoughtful surprise party catered to adora’s tastes all because she’s proud of her accomplishments..... is on par with proposing marriage. adora won’t let catra live this down tho. “wow, i can’t believe you like me ;) that is so embarrassing for you!” and she grabs catra for head scratches. catra giggles and pushes against adora saying “stop it😳😳(no don’t stop bro don’t stop😩😩) get off 🙄🙄 (wait actually don’t get off😩😩) this is not 😡 because i like you😳😳(it’s because i love you💞)” and she shoves adora off only to IMMEDIATELY pounce on adora, making adora laugh so fucking happily. kyle is secretly a lesbophobe tho so when he sees this gay display he’s like WUUUUOHOH I DROP CAKE :( and we get this VERY quick frame of catra and adora with their fingers interlocked before they pull apart at the crash and look at kyle. that is so fucking rude of u kyle. we could’ve gotten a few more seconds of catra and adora interlacing their fingers but NO. fuck u. thankfully, the euphoria of being gay is still burning strong for catra and adora, so they laugh happily instead of beating the shit out of kyle. how sweet <3 adora sees the word MARA in one of the cake pieces, and she’s very thrown off right before catra holds her shoulder and is like “hang on, you got something right... THERE!” and she like throws grey bar sludge into adora’s face ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 u know? how you pal around with your gals? adora rubs the grey cake stuff off her face, and then.... ugh i don’t even wanna say her name. we were all having such a good gay time :( [redacted] walks in and tells adora to get off the floor, and tells catra to get herself cleaned up. and [redacted] tells adora to come with her. adora gazes gayly upon catra’s face who gives her a reassuring smile that tells adora she’s okay, so adora runs along. catra looks lovingly at adora while she walks away. shadow weaver praises adora’s successful war crime and adora is like i couldn’t have done it without the others aka catra <3 and in this fake reality she succeeded in persuading shadow weaver to let catra come with her! adora goes to the force captain briefing and gets roasted by scorpia because scorpia is still like. jealous of adora because you know..... you know how you hate the person your crush is in love with? yeah <3 adora freaks out because the universe is falling apart and she keeps getting visions from her real life. and then catra appears, and all the weirdness stops for a moment. i think it is so interesting how the world starts falling apart faster when catra isn’t there, but when catra is there things in the fake reality start to look and feel a little more normal. it’s like.... catra and adora’s connection is so strong that when they’re together... they can stabilize the collapse of a reality. just for a little while. just to have a little more time together. their gay levels are THAT strong. they’re like level 5000 lesbians. and they just keep leveling up as the show goes on which is why by s5 they can defeat an intergalactic conquerer just by making out LMAOOOOO anyway. catra is very worried about her wife. she’s all “adora, what is wrong?” yeah she’s so worried she doesn’t even use a contraction. adora takes out the slip of paper and shows it to catra. “did you write this?????” and catra looks at it and is like “did i write a blank piece of paper? i’m gonna go with no.” which. KFKDKFKDKFKDKFFJ BROOOO WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY. it’s like not supposed to be funny because adora is having a meltdown but it’s so fucking funny i—moving on. adora starts properly freaking out and catra is like hey :( u ok omg :( calm down :( and she puts her hand on adora’s shoulder but adora swats it away like I CAN’T CALM DOWN :( and she starts rambling and referencing stuff that happened and this vision of catra betraying adora in promise shows up (i think it’s catra’s memory?????) and catra slaps adora. which. HEY :( but also it’s like very funny. and adora is like ow :( what was that? :( and catra is like sowwy!!!! :( u were freaking out!!!! and it was freaking me out!!!!! :( and adora is like well u didn’t have to Slap Me :(((((( and is like why would my evil catgirl gf do this. have i not loved her enough :( is this the thanks i get for loving her with my entire heart :( and catra grabs her arm and is like come on!!!! let’s get you outside!!!! you need some air :) and oh. oh man. oh to have my hand/arm lovingly held by a girl as she giggles and excitedly drags me somewhere. the fucking dream. adora protests against getting air which (??????) u don’t want air? but u need air? to breathe? i know adora is just trying to say she doesn’t need to like go to her and catra’s secret place at the highest edge of the horde but then oh guess what? she’s there with catra. and adora is like how did we get here.... and catra looks depressed because her gf is losing it and that’s so sad 😔 she’s like how did we get here? we climbed up :( like we always do :( or am i the only one who remembers that :( and adora is like idk what’s happening to me :( it’s like i’m losing my mind..... and catra is like you just need to relax <3 by hanging out with me <3 and adora is like ur probs right :( am fine :( everything fine :( and she gets this glimpse of catra and catra smiling evilly at her but catra gets up and is like huh! ofc im right! Everything’s Perfect! soon, the two of us are gonna be ruling etheria together, just like we always planned 😺😸😹😻😼😽😾🙀 and quietly, adora goes “is that what you really want? to rule the world?” and catra gets this UHHHHH look akin to when someone asks u “hey, do you like apples? or are you just gay for me?” and you gotta awkwardly answer “what.... nooooo..... i’m not gay i fucking love apples” and so catra gets the exact face that expresses this sentiment and she’s like “i mean, yeah, obviously. isn’t that what you want too?” and it’s like UGHHHH because clearly neither of them want to rule the world! ruling the world was just an excuse for catra to be with adora, and when adora inevitably says “hey maybe we shouldn’t rule the world” catra will take it to mean “i don’t want to be with you” instead of “ruling the world is bad” and it’s just. it really tears me the fuck up bros! when catra says don’t you want to rule the world too? she really means don’t you want to be with me? and it’s just. HHHHHHHHH. i can NOT. i have had it up to HERE. adora says “i don’t know (re ruling the world lmao i went on a tangent earlier)” and catra is like “don’t flake out on me now!” like ruling the world is meeting up for lunch and suddenly adora texted at 11:30 am that she’s not really feeling up to it today :/ “this is what we always wanted”, catra continues to say, and we all know that “this” is..... the freedom to be with each other, without everything else getting in the way. “everything will be perfect as long as we stay together”. and she is right about that. but also catra’s current definition of them “staying together” isn’t right. adora and catra were always supposed to meet halfway. they will both have to grow to do that. but let’s not get 2 deep😩 i am here to have meltdowns and make gay jokes only😌 and then adora says “what if we don’t stay together? what if it all goes wrong?” which is like. damn that’s the show right there KFKSJDJSJDJ and adora sees lightning again and she gets upset because why can’t catra see the reality-cracking lightning too!!!! why can’t catra see the light!!!!! why can’t she see that she should be doing good things and not evil things!!!!! why can’t she see that she should be coming with me, running away with me, being with me in a place that’s safe!!!!! and catra grabs her hand and is like “adora!!! stay with me, okay? :( you’re just seeing things. it’s all in your head” and it is all so terribly tragic and sad. ah, the age old argument. come with me, stay with me. i will be whispering this in decades’ time, spreading gay tales to my loved ones. after this, lonnie is calling for adora and catra. “thought we’d find you up there” FJSJDJSJDJD the way it’s just like an open secret that catra and adora are gay and have a gay hangout spot where they do gay things. incredible. adora finds out an entire week has passed all of a sudden and she grips her head in frustration and catra is like adora? :( and holds her in concern. and adora is like ranting about how there’s something wrong with space and time!! and catra is just freaked out and begging her to stop because adora please! please stop finding the destruction of reality weird and hold my hand! i haven’t been happy since the day you left! and.... hoo okay sadness. catra’s holding her arm and adora’s like we’re not supposed to be here!!! catra holds her upper arms and goes “adora, everything’s okay!” and adora snaps and tells her to stop saying that! because this isn’t right! because she will lose everything, including catra, if she does not fix this. “everyone keeps telling me everything is perfect but it’s not! everyone except... scorpia” so she runs away to find her and catra is like adora!!! adora, where are you going? please don’t go. don’t go where i can’t follow😔😔 but adora is gone. we get this whole thing with scorpia and adora and adora is straight up just so petty. about scorpia hating her. which mood because i want everyone to like me. all the time. but also adora in scorpia’s defense she has a crush on a certain catgirl who will Not Shut Up about you :/ adora gets flashbacks about catra and realizes that the girl she’s been inappropriately touching for the past.... day? is the one who did the thing that is destroying reality❤️ LMAOOOOO this would be like... hm actually not many situations available to describe this. except. have you been flirting with the thing that’s been trying to kill us? have you been in love with the thing that’s been trying to kill us? yeah stuff like that <3 “catra did this. she captured me, she took... the sword. she activated the portal!” LFKSKDKSKDKDK you know what? this would be 58384848484 times funnier if they had canonically banged during the fake reality before adora realized the world as they all knew it was about to end <3 and you know what? they did bone. but it was cut for time <3 KFKDKDKDK JKJK god i need to like shut up for once in my life. but if i did that, these evaluations which no one asked for would not exist❤️ adora loses scorpia and razz (temporarily) and lonnie and she finds catra again! even tho she now remembers that catra kidnapped her and took her sword and used it for the portal and activated her portal.... she immediately grabs catra and pulls her along with her. despite knowing all that..... for the moment she is acting on instinct and doesn’t care. she just wants to keep catra with her and keep catra safe because the portal is swallowing up so many people and she cannot lose catra. adora drags her to this weapons closet that closes behind them and catra, instead of kissing her in this enclosed space (WIMP), shakes her and is like hey! you’ve officially lost it, haven’t you? and adora is like listen, we have to go. now! scorpia, lonnie, kyle, rogelio, they’re all gone! but catra is like what are you talking about? who’s gone? and adora’s all they’re gone. there’s nothing left. and we’ll be next if we don’t get out of here right now. and she’s so firm about it putting her entire foot down because No. not catra. she Cannot lose her. but catra is so stuck in wanting some part of all this to be real that she’s arguing with adora that she’s not making sense and Everything Is Fine. and adora goes “don’t say it’s Perfect. i know it’s not perfect and so do you!” because... she just knows catra that well. and she knows catra is smart enough to see what’s going on if scorpia did that too. catra’s choosing to repress it all, but adora’s words snap catra into memory for a moment, and she remembers it, maybe even remembers it all, and i think.... it all just hurts too much and she’d rather not be in that reality so she acts like she doesn’t know a thing and tells adora she’s not going anywhere. frustrated because she can’t convince catra, adora picks up one of the stun barons and... tases catra KFKSKDKDKDKSKDK and i can’t help but think of when catra tased adora back in sword part 2 (1x02) and man that is not good but also so funny that they’ve both tased each other. there’s this desperation there in both instances that we should definitely not romanticize at all but they just. deep down they will just do close to anything to keep the other with them. and it is messed up! and i’m glad that a little ways down the road they unlearn this but also.... wow. adora catches catra tenderly in her arms as she slumps against her, literally fucking BRIDAL CARRYING catra out and running away from the crumbling horde. literally IMAGINE IF LIKE. catra did not wake up and fight with adora. imagine if catra had stayed passed out longer and adora had fixed the portal without anyone getting left behind. and catra was still unconscious and she like walks out of the portal back into where they all were with catra in her arms like that. just like hey i fixed the portal :) all of us nearly died and it was kind of partially this catgirl’s fault but i’m like low key desperately in love with her so can we keep her? lmao :-) anyway. adora steals a skiff again (lmao first ep throw back! remember their date) and flies her and catra out of the crumbling world. catra wakes up, watching adora’s determined face as she flies them out and catra’s like WAIT WTF DIDN’T U TASE ME and is like hypocritically fighting adora trying to grab the stun baton. bad idea! adora’s DRIVING you don’t attack the driver!! but catra does not often make good decisions </3 the skiff crashes and they both fall off. they get up, look at each other angrily and run after the stun baton. catra grabs it first but adora hits it out of her hand and grapples catra who continues to keep reaching for the weapon. “catra, you can’t. we need to get as far from the fright zone as possible or we’ll be completely erased along with everything else.” “you think you can convince me by kidnapping me?” well no but goddamn the world is COLLAPSING catra PLEASE :( also is the power of love not enough? catra she loves you she’s in love with you she would pull you from the depths of hell even if you threw everyone in there in the first place!!!!!! that’s how deep this runs because that’s not even a metaphor adora has identified you as the main party who brought upon this reality ripping portal and still!!! she wants you saved. is that not fucking hot? :/ is that not sexy enough for you? :/ KFKSKDKSKDK jkjk okay catra continues with “what is wrong with you?!” and throws adora over her shoulder. not to like. ruin a very heated and serious moment in the show. but catra throwing adora like it’s nothing is like... very strong..... and when you remember how adora likes strong girls........ KFKDKDKDKDKDKDJ adora b like ow that hurts 😔 u free next friday? 😳 catra goes up to the stun baton again and adora kicks it away. “i won’t leave you behind again.” “why can’t you just stay? we have everything we ever wanted.” BITCH THE WORLD IS COLLAPSING IN ON ITSELF. THERE’S A PORTAL EATING UP REALITY. STAY WHERE? “it’s not real, catra.” YES. save the world first, and then after this you can play rock paper scissors and the loser will go with the winner❤️ wouldn’t it be so funny if they did that. if they decided to leave it up to chance. if adora was like well the horde is evil but if you beat me in rock paper scissors i guess i will follow you wherever you go. and then they like fix the portal and everyone is like yay hey adora lets go back to bright moon! and she’s like yeah uh i gotta hash out this situation with my gf real quick uh just a little heads up i might be bringing the horde’s best strategist and leader over to our side OR i might be fighting for the bad people again :/ so wish me luck and everyone just had to stand there and watch as adora and catra held their hands out and went ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SHOOT anyway. “as much as i wish that things could be simple the way they used to be, there’s no going back.” and she holds catra gently and in many ways i think she’s sort of acknowledging that she really, really just wants that light hearted playful dynamic with catra back. they both just experienced it again. they both just threw themselves back into it again. and adora really wants to be happy with catra, she would stay with catra if she could, but she has overwhelming responsibilities and an overwhelming sense of responsibility that was instilled in her from a young age. and she thinks she shouldn’t get to choose her happiness, to put herself first. also like. THE HORDE IS EVIL DJSJDJSNDNSJS like. that’s a really important part too. it’s kind of hard for catra to distinguish that though because she’s had very. evil things done to her all her life. and she held on for so long because she thought adora would always be there with her but then adora walks away and makes it seem like. it could have been that easy. but it can’t have been that easy because if it was so easy why did catra have to suffer so much for? also adora didn’t run away to save catra. she had this destiny thrust upon her, and she chose to leave the horde before inviting catra along, which is not wrong of her at all, but it inevitably made catra feel like an afterthought. and now... things are kind of damaged. and catra just wants to run if adora won’t stay, so she shoves adora and takes off and adora lunges after her, tackling her, and adora decides to confront catra about the big elephant in the room, the thing she’s not said a thing about to catra until now when they’re fighting because she was so desperate to save catra before. “why did you do it?” “i don’t know what you’re talking about!” which is a lie but now that she really gets to see the consequences of her rage and anguish filled actions, i don’t think catra can properly explain it either. she was just so angry and she had built this narrative in her head that it was adora’s fault, and so she just wanted to do everything that adora didn’t want her to do. except u failed catra😔 adora wants you to love her and you do, you do love her😔 oopsie😔 you just don’t show it in healthy ways most of the time because your relationship is fraught with tragedy and abusive upbringings💔 adora gives up questioning catra for the moment because “there’s no time. we have to go.” catra grunts as adora’s childhood promise plays in her mind and it is overlaid with the adora of the present telling her “i promise, everything will be okay if we just stay together.” and goddamn adora really means it. she’s literally willing to patch everything up together even after everything if catra will just Decide right here, right now, to go with her. right then, the memory of adora first asking catra to come with her plays and adora is asking her, “help me fix this, please, this can’t be what you wanted” because adora knows! she knows how caught up catra was, in her pain and anger and desperation to win, to overcome all the times she lost growing up. she believed that catra, with her loving heart that saved adora everyday they knew each other growing up, could not have wanted to erase all of reality. to erase what they had. but just because adora knows that doesn’t mean catra does. all the rage and pain and resentment that led to her opening the portal, it is still there, and it is still affecting her judgement in a bad way, and by reminding her that she cannot just repress it all, that she cannot just play pretend with adora until their time is up,,,, this leads her to lash out again :( :( :( “don’t you get it? i am never going to go with you.” i wanna be like sad but also this bitch straight up LYING remember that other time she said “don’t you get it?” remember what came after that? so maybe catra in this moment is too angry and consumed by self hatred, too proud to admit she wants adora when she thinks adora doesn’t want her the way she wants her.... but “never”? lmaooooo ok :/ catra evil gay laughs and goes “you always have to go and ruin it, don’t you?” ruin what???? the illusion????? the pretenses you work so hard to keep to cover up how deep the feelings you both have run??? catra lunges for adora and fights with her, scratching and missing because adora is dodging and catra’s heart is too.... sigh..... she’s too fucking gay to really bring it ok? no matter how angry she is she still loves adora too much to give it her best. adora doesn’t fight back, mostly defending and pushing catra away. “catra, look what’s happening. you’re going to destroy everything!” catra stomped on her heart and she still wants to Convince her, which is really sad, for now, for both of them. and catra goes feral and is like “i don’t care! i won’t let you win. i’d rather see the whole world end than let that happen.” :( bro? this song is so sad. can we change it? sigh. catra is too far gone at the moment. everything, even the slightest concession to adora, even at the expense of existence, is like admitting defeat to catra. and when catra says she’d rather see the whole world end than let adora win, she’s also saying she’d let herself... die. and that is just so sad. bro who gave season three the right. like... i am so exhausted. i am just trying to call some bitches out for being gay, i did not sign up for all this pain. i am so exhausted. this episode is twenty odd minutes or so. you know how many hours i’ve spent writing this? it’s not anyone’s fault but mine for being extra, but man i am so tired. i love seeing catradora interact, but god, at what cost? the portal rips up the ground between them, and catra grabs at adora, clutching onto her badge. i cannot tell if she was just trying to take it off or she wanted to grab adora and pull her close too. “catra, no!” adora grabs catra’s wrist but the badge falls off and catra falls too. “catra!” catra is on some rock in the falling heap, and adora reaches for her but she’s too far away. still, she keeps her hand outstretched. but catra, who’s hanging on by a rock at this point, gives her this look of... almost helplessness. that then hardens into resentment and anger and she just. lets go. and adora, who has tears in her eyes, is just. she absolutely crumbles here. and she runs a good distance away and falls to her knees and just starts SOBBING. she is just crying so hard over losing catra AGAIN and it’s just. That’s Too Much, Man! thankfully, razz shows up and is like stop crying bitch u can still save her ❤️ so adora decides to stop crying for all time and gets to work❤️ 10/10 but also did i ask? :/ yes i did and i am in so much pain right now. my god what an episode

the portal: it’s so fucking refreshing not seeing catradora for a bit <3 i spent hours watching remember ok. here i am now starting the last ep at least a full week later because of how much it was. sometimes this show is too gay <3 i love it tho! i do <3 it’s just hard having to pause and replay every five seconds and write an essay about the tiniest thing <3 and i know what you’re thinking <3 no one asked me to do this <3 no one asked me to be so extra <3 and yet <3 anyway, more than half of the ep passes with adora losing bow and glimmer in the end, but as she’s crying on her knees again she lifts her head up and corrupted!catra touches her forehead with one finger. oh <3 that’s gay <3 anyway, catra’s here because she died but she’s got like nine lives so she’s back now and infected by the collapsing portal. oh great! we get what is probably the most cursed ḩ̵͕̺̯͚̞͈̰̤͎̥̗̳͂̽̃̄͌̎̅̈́̏̎͘͝͝ẻ̷͇͚͈̤̪̖̜̥̥̱̼̅̒͌͗͝y̴̥̺̓͌͊͌̊͒͌̏̔̕͝ ̶̧̟̤̠̯̱̳͕̙̯̔ͅá̶̤͉͕̱̰̮̺̮̝̗̱̲͓̺̯̒͐͐d̵̨̟̖̦̈̑̄̌̍̆̀̾̊̑̽͗͝͠ȏ̷̧̢̨̞̮͇̟̘̘̠̼̊͆̐̉̉̀̌̿̚ͅŗ̴̢̬͚͉̦̘̪̜̥̑̔̈́̀̒͂͗͜͠ͅą̸̡̡͕͈͚͕̼͔̳͔̖̙̯̱̓͗̊́. the look on adora’s face when she’s greeted with this is very interesting. she gives catra this little once over. on one hand, catra isn’t gone like adora thought when she had lost her into the collapsing portal, but also something about this catra definitely doesn’t look right. catra then proceeds to slam adora into another dimension. flat against the bar table in the crimson waste... and ngl it looks like. catra slammed her on the table for :/ stuff :/ that’s like :/ you know :/ banging :/ and adora even looks around for a moment because catra isn’t there and adora’s thinking damn where u at catra? :/ so you didn’t slam me against this table for... no? :( we aren’t gonna slam ass? :( but then surprise surprise! catra straddles her at the last moment! adora gasps and catra is like oh... where are your friends? in that unsettling corrupted tone. notice how adora has been silent this entire time. so horny you couldn’t speak bitch? :/ sadly, catra lunges for adora and adora realizes that catra is still evil and that she isn’t going to kiss her gently on the lips after all 😔 adora grabs catra by the arm and pulls her close. she puts her other hand on catra’s shoulder. adora baby.... you don’t need to touch her with both hands. are you that gay? yes. why am i even asking that question. “catra, stop. you have to–“ catra pushes her face aside. “it’s always the same with you, adora. i have to do this, oh we have to do that!” and then they’re like gay struggling against each other? and catra pulls adora up and holds her tight against her, adora’s arm bent over catra’s shoulder to keep her there. then with her other arm she wraps her elbow around adora’s other arm to further restrain her? and then she puts her face right against adora’s cheek. i don’t know how to explain this. it’s just. homoerotic. damn the gays fight like this? catra then tosses adora aside and they land somewhere else. catra says like things to adora that are about her insecurities and stuff. but i’m not gonna get into those <3 isn’t that so sexy of me? instead i will say this. catra kind of like fights one sidedly with adora a lot in this segment where they go through various locations we’ve seen in the show, and she like talks a lot of shit. but let’s focus on how adora’s feeling <3 she goes through it like this. 1) not horny anymore! i’m scared/insecure/angry with catra now 2) catra throws adora into the big chair on mara’s ship and catra slams her hand against it next to adora’s face like how someone might do before you kiss them in movies 3) horny again 4) catra doesn’t say sorry for the mean things corrupted her said and she didn’t kiss her gently on the lips so adora gets her shit together and realizes all the things evil corrupted catra is saying is not her fault! she pushes catra away and is like “i didn’t make you pull the switch. i didn’t make you do anything! i didn’t break the world, but i am gonna fix it. and you? you made your choice. now live with it!” and in between all that she fights back against catra and at the end she does you know that punch we all know about. but after the punch she calms down from that emotional breakthrough high and gets this :( face. at the end of the day... no matter how far gone catra went, no matter how right she was in setting those boundaries and making it clear catra has to be responsible for her actions, adora cares. adora loves her, it’s the one thing she can’t help. and to see catra sink so deep into the darkness... it hurts her. adora watches catra disintegrate when they fall into the wormhole thing that the portal caused, and she has this like. >:( :( look because adora’s planning to fix everything anyway, the upsetting thing here for her is that she failed to make catra see sense. catra’s likely going back to the horde when all of this is over and there’s nothing adora can do about it. and at the moment i don’t think adora wants to try anymore after failing so many times... which is good for her! but also they are both going to be so sad after this </3 after the whole angella scene (miss that milf) adora gets the sword back and becomes she ra again. we go back to the scene in the horde and catra clutches the side of her face, so we know that was her but it also wasn’t Her, you know? like part of her face got corrupted by the portal and she just had to make sure she was real and whole again. adora comes back as she-ra and destroys the portal, prompting catra to escape. but she looks back at the last moment, looks back angrily, and adora gives her an equally hard stare. she’s done with catra, for the moment, and catra realizes this, and it kind of hits her that this adora is different now. and for a moment she is sad and afraid, but she pulls it together to make a mean face again, before running away. 9/10

#text #she ra #catradora #spop #this is so long i hate myself #please like this and find it funny #also feel free to discuss any of the concepts or scenarios or things or whatever i brought up in here #we are on catradora s3 evaluation lockdown!#also yes i started using emojis here which i did not use for s1 and s2 #have fun reading!#please rb this

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captainlordauditor · 5 years

Text

Crowley’s Looks, ranked by a Gay with a hobby in historical costuming

im not a huge expert in any era, but I have a decentish overview of things, especially 1700 onwards. im newish don’t crucify me. And I’m really horny

Eden. Okay this isn’t bad. Long and curly, but the curls are obviously artificial and held in place. They do kinda vaguely resemble the Mesopotamian pictures of their curls though, even though they’re obviously not natural, so points for that. Can’t really see his robes but they seem nice. Good wings. Lost a point for bare human feet. Give him chicken feet you cowards. 5/10

Flood. I’m not counting this one as historical, really. I also don’t know anything about what most people in Mesopotamia wore. Tunic’s very boring, but he makes up for it with excellent hair. I’m not sure if he’s supposed to be taking care of that hair or not though. maybe he’s a stress braider. I also don’t understand why he never covers his hair even though other dudes do, but it makes me gay 7/10 for boring tunic

Golgotha, 33 CE. Now we’re getting into the historical section, but I’m out of my depth. I know shit about fuck about ancient Israeli dress(other than a bit about its fabrics) but this is nice. Very mysterious. He looks like a fae you meet on a walk through the forest on a foggy night and when you look up he’s gone. Dressed more similarly to the women in the scene than the men, which is cool. Crowley said fuck gender. Still want him to have chicken feet. 9/10

Rome, 41 CE. Awful. Ugly. what the fuck is this. The hair is okay but why is he wearing laurels? You can’t just slap those on people. What did he do to earn those. Either there’s a Story there or the costume designer doesn’t know shit. What we can see of his tunic is nice. I like that they haven’t given him deep dark black yet, very good. Nice embroidery. The sunglasses are ugly and I don’t like them. 3/10 bc i can’t get over his fucking accessories

Camelot, sixth century. You’re wearing armor centuries ahead of what you should be wearing and it doesn’t even look good. 0/10

London, 1601. Now we’re getting somewhere. This is, as the kids say, A Look. He’s got the overall silhouette right. Dark black is very fashionable, I like it. He should probably have a ruff if he’s being super fashionable, but we all know Crowley would hate them. Not sure about his beard or hair, but it makes me want to run my fingers through it and make out with him in the backstage area of the Globe before rehearsal so I accept it. Sunglasses are still ridiculous looking. Pleasantly surprised by this, there were many ways they could’ve gone with this era but they weren’t cowards and gave him the puffy pants. Even though they’re a bit out of fashion I admire that. 8/10 because its all such a dark black I can’t see shit. gimme some depth

Paris, 1793. This one makes me giggle but not for the reason you think. At first I thought this was a decent 1790s outfit and was tickled by his out of fashion hair, but then @vinceaddams lightened it and we discovered his hair and clothes are both 1770s. Probably just woke up from one of those 20 year naps he takes. Amused by the fact that he seems to not have caught onto the fact that humans have been wearing wigs for the past century and a half and actually styled his hair that way. His buttons should be covered, but he likes shiny things so I’ll let it slide. Very goth and very 18th century. Could fit him better. Sunglasses still ridiculous but they go with his hair nicely. 8.5/10 because those buttons are distracting

London. 1862. This is hard to rank because I keep getting distracted by Az’s furry hat, but I’m gonna try. Kind of like it. Very Abe Lincolnesque. Love his cravat. They were cowards for not giving him a full stovepipe hat, though. Not sure how I feel about the sideburns, but they’re fashionable. I like that his clothes are a very dark black, artificial dyes have just come in and that’s very fashionable. Those sunglasses confuse the fuck out of me and they don’t look good. 6/10 because we can’t see his full outfit and those sunglasses are back to being ridiculous

London, 1941. oh my god. what the fuck. can we please get some more lighting in here. Exact same problem I had with Paris. I want to see shit. Good hat, not sure how I feel about the sunglasses but they’re infinitely better than the victorian ones. Shoulders good and boxy but his overall silhouette is way too fitted and narrow. 4/10 because that hat has me gazing at him from across the room hoping he’ll notice me and buy me a drink or ask me for a match

London, 1967. I still can’t see shit. Lighting designer pls. Ugly hair but it’s the 1960s so everyone has ugly hair. Glasses continue to improve. I love that jacket. He looks cute in a turtleneck. His jacket also gets the peak lapels here that the angels have, and he has again in 2018, which is a great touch. Overall v nice, even though I don’t like the 60s. 7/10 bc that hair is ugly

1970s. Absolutely not. 1/10 because it manages to be better than the armor, somehow

That’s it for the historical looks. I’ll rank the 21st century ones as a Gay later

#good omens #good omens tv #dendarii.orig #dendarii.txt #18th #June #2019 #June 18th 2019 #good omens costuming

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jwywrld · 4 years

Text

voicemail

genre: fluff & slight angst

pairing: jung wooyoung (ateez) x fem reader

word count: 1900+ words

warnings: mention of loss of loved ones

summary: you don’t like phone calls but your history partner, wooyoung, insists on calling you for your project. frankly, he just wants to hear your voice.

a/n: hii i’m rly new to writing and this is my first post :) i’m rly nervous shdjs hope you like it! if i made any typos or errors i’m so sorry (also the title sucks im so sorry i really didn’t know what to name it)

ring! ring!

with a roll of your eyes, you pick up your phone. “ugh who is it. don’t they know i hate phone calls?” looking at the caller id, you saw that it was your history partner, wooyoung.

“hey! i heard we’re paired together for the history project!” a black haired boy chirped, bouncing up to you. “yeah.” you replied with a sigh. it was wooyoung, the nicest and most cheerful boy in your class. he seemed nice but you thought it was all an act. how could anyone be so nice to everyone all the time? it’s probably just to gain popularity. he was kinda cute though you had to admit. “great! just give me your number so we can work on it together.” he smiled, handing you his phone. after you keyed in your phone number, you turned and left, asking him to text you when he wanted to work on the project.

feeling your phone vibrate in your hand, you looked at it, seeing it was a text from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: hi! is this y/n?

y/n: who are you?

Unknown Number: it’s wooyoung, your history partner

y/n: oh

wooyoung my history partner: can we start on the history project now? i wanna start on it earlier so we don’t have to rush it

y/n: can we start tomorrow

kinda tired now

wooyoung my history partner: sure! :)

“hello?”

“hi y/n!”

“why did you call me?”

“um.. because we have to work on the project?”

“wow didn’t know that. i meant why did you have to call me. can’t we just text?”

“calling is waaaayyy easier though!”

“i don’t like phone calls.”

“wha—”

you hung up.

about 3 seconds later, you got a text from wooyoung.

wooyoung my history partner: HEY!! why’d u do that! >:0

y/n: i told you. i don’t like phone calls. can’t we discuss over text?

wooyoung my history partner: No.

y/n: ugh

fine.

wooyoung my history partner: :D

immediately after, you heard your phone ring again. you sighed and picked it up.

“so... we have to choose between the mexican-american war or the cold war right?” you asked.

the two of you talked about the project for about an hour, researching and sharing the information you had found with each other, then collating it. in between, you guys made small talk and he told you a few jokes, causing you to let out small chuckles.

“ok that’s it for today. i still have work to do.” you said, your brain not being able to take any more history.

“ok bye—”

that wasn’t that bad! maybe phone calls weren’t as bad as you thought they were.

about 3 days later, you were practising some math questions. however, no matter how many times you tried it, you just couldn’t understand it. you decided to move on to the next question, only to find out that you were stuck as wel. frustrated, you felt the wet hot tears build up in your eyes. why do i have to be so dumb? why can’t i understand it right away? to make it worse, your exams were in two weeks and you had so much to catch up on. sitting at your table, you sobbed, the tears streaming down your cheeks uncontrollably.

feeling your phone vibrate furiously on the table, you saw that wooyoung was calling you. you declined it, wiping the tears away from your face.

wooyoung my history partner: why did you decline my call :((

y/n: do we really have to call???

wooyoung my history partner: i don’t understand! why do you hate calling people so much?

“y/n, your dad and i are going to be staying in New Zealand for a while to take care of gramps. i know you’re only 16 and it’ll be hard to be living alone but we’ll try to be back as soon as possible. we promise.”

“mom... why do i have to be left alone here?”

“sweetie.. we don’t have a choice.. gramps is really sick and needs someone to take care of him. i promise we’ll be back as soon as we can.”

those were the last words you had heard from your parents before they had gotten into a serious car accident right afteryour grandpa had passed. you had prayed for them to be okay for days, but to no avail. they had passed, leaving you, a 16 year old girl to fend for herself. after that incident, phone calls only reminded you of the day when the nurse had called you, informing you that your parents didn’t make it. it was one of the hardest years of your life, having to cope with the loss of your parents, grandpa and also having to get used to being alone. it had been 2 years and your aunt had been paying for the bills, insisting that you only repay her in the future when you had a stable job and income.

y/n: idk

wooyoung my history partner: wtv i’m still calling you idc

accepting defeat, you picked up the call, trying to calm your shaky voice.

“hi.” you said softly, your voice quivering.

“y/n? are you okay?” the concern in his voice genuine.

how did he pick that up from one word???

“yeah i’m fine. let’s just do this.” you sniffed.

“i’m not stupid y/n. but if you don’t wanna talk about it that’s okay.”

“thank you.” you croaked.

you let him do most of the talking while you typed down the points. after the discussion, you completely broke down again. not only because of stress but also because wooyoung’s question had reminded you of your parents.

“mom... dad... why did you have to go... i miss you so much. when can ever be happy again?”

after a week of calling wooyoung on the phone and discussing, you realised that you actually enjoyed talking to him. you also learned some things about him like how he was afraid of bugs and loved puppies. you also heard him talk about his younger brother and how much he missed him while he was staying at the dorms in school.

wooyoung my history partner: helloooo do you wanna meet tmr after school at the library to do the board

y/n: ok

wooyoung my history partner: can you bring the board & markers? i’ll bring paper & glue.

y/n: ok

wooyoung my history partner: ugh you’re such a dry texter

y/n: what did you expect me to reply to that???

wooyoung my history partner: ...

idk

y/n: exactly.

wooyoung my history partner: ok wtv see you tomorrow!!! :))

y/n: c u 2

why did you feel so nervous at the thought of meeting him tomorrow?

“hey woo” it was a nickname you had given him in the past week, thinking it was short and cute.

“hey y/n! did you bring the stuff?”

“yup”

“ok great”

you worked side by side, writing down the different notes and points, blushing when your hands accidentally brushed and mumbling a small ‘sorry’.

after two hours, your board was finally done!

“all that’s left to do is present”

“ugh that’s the WORST part”

“come onn y/n you know it’s graded! so let’s just do it properly”

a day later, before you called to practise your presentation. a thougut you had been pushing back popped into your head.

what happens to us after this project? i still want to stay friends. will he just pretend like nothing happened?

worry creeped in at the thought of being alone again without having anyone to talk to, even if the two of you did not talk much in school. however, others had noticed him occasionally staring at you during classes or breaks.

halfway through practising the presentation, curiosity and fear kicked in and you couldn’t help but blurt out

“woo what’ll happen to us after.. you know.. this?”

“what do you mean?”

“are we still gonna be.. friends?”

“why shouldn’t we be???”

“i don’t know.. i just thought.. maybe you wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with me anymore..”

“what?? you’re crazy. of course we can still be friends!! anyway let’s drop this subject and continue from where we left off.”

after hearing his words, you felt assured and relaxed. when another question popped into your head.

“woo? why do you like calling me so much?”

“i just... it’s just... weren’t we talking about the first phase of the cold war?” he cleared his throat.

“wooooooo~ you didn’t answer my question” you whined.

“how about we just focus on the project y/n?”

about half a year passed and you and wooyoung had soon become best friends. you facetimed each other everyday, talking about how your day went or ranting about the annoying teachers and classmates. you had told him about your parents, explaining why you were awkward and dry with people

what he didn’t know was that you had quickly developed feelings for him, but hiding it because you were scared of how he would react and afraid that you might lose your relationship with him.

it was one of the rare occasions when you were at his dorm, seated beside each other on the purple velvet sofa, just enjoying each other’s company while watching a movie.

“woo, remember when i asked you that question like. a while ago?”

“what question”

“why did you like calling me so much?”

“well... i... i... i guess i just had to do the history project with you?”

“we both know we could have just made a google document... so... why? i’m honestly soooo curious so just tell meeeeeee”

“fine. ijustlikedhearingyourvoiceiguess” he replied, cheeks turning pink.

“... you what”

“i just.. wanted to hear your voice you know?”

“oh”

“anyway y/n. what i’m trying to say is. i like you. a lot. i- i was scared to say this to you because i don’t want to lose our friendship but.. i don’t think i can keep this in anymore. i like you, y/n.”

gasping at his sudden confession and not knowing how to react, you just stared at him with wide eyes.

“ah shit i’ve screwed this up. i’m sorry y/n just. please ignore what i said.” he bit his lip.

“i... i- may or may not like you too?” you managed to squeak out, cheeks rosy.

suddenly, you felt a pair of lips on yours, eyes widening at his sudden movement. it was a short but sweet kiss, causing you to turn even redder than you already were.

“oh god y/n you don’t know how worried i’ve been about this. i’m so glad that you.. feel the same away about me!” he babbled.

“i..i’m afraid though, woo. what if... what if i lose you too? like i lost my parents.” your voice started to shake and tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of that.

he cupped your face in his hand, wiping your tears with his thumb.

“hey.. don’t say that alright? i’m here. i’m right here. i’m not leaving you.”

he pulled you in for a hug while you cried into his chest, letting the tears run. he held you in his arms until you stopped crying.

“how ‘bout i take you out on a date this saturday hm? how’s that sound?” he said, lifting your chin up so you would meet his eyes.

“great!” you smiled softly, melting into his gaze.

the next two hours were just spent cuddling, your head pressed against his chest, breathing in his scent while your legs were tangled up and he played with your hair and left little kisses on your head. it was the first time in a long time you had felt so happy, heart fluttering and exploding because you knew, finally, you weren’t alone anymore. wooyoung was here. and that was all that mattered.

#ateez fluff #ateez wooyoung #ateez au #ateez x reader #ateez #jung wooyoung #ateez soft hours #kpop #kpop au #kpop fluff #wooyoung #wooyoung fluff #wooyoung au #wooyoung x reader #kpop x reader #fluff

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whetstonefires · 4 years

Note

"the top three of its forty floors are filled with brass telescopes of every size, pointing in every possible direction, including several that do not exist within the normal three dimensions of space." thats SUCH a cool image / "If any harvest will come." ooh i wonder whats going on / "The roofs are of red tile, the stucco of the houses painted in shades of blue. It stands empty, but has not had time to fall into disrepair." the little bits of detail getting added to the picture im LOVE (1/?)

I’m gonna do these all as one post but broken up for ease of reference, I think.

Thank you! 🥰 Deciding the theme for the Tower and giving it that visual anchor really helped to pull things together. If you consider the whole setup, it seems unlikely the Tower was originally built as an observatory, since those tend to benefit from height (especially if you’re looking around you rather than up, but for the up ones also) and the builders could easily have put it on top of a mountain or at least some hills, but instead put it by the river. It’s above sea level, and it’s away from light pollution, but there were better locations. Nearby.

So either it wasn’t an observatory, and it’s been refitted as one, or they had so many observatories they didn’t care about locating them optimally, there was some other factor making having the tower there important even if it was suboptimal in terms of observation capacity. Or, potentially, it’s been moved since it was built!

:} Yay thank for being interested by the foreshadowing. I tried to put just enough in without actively overshadowing the actual place-setting-up and making the reader impatient with the description.

"If you look through an enchanted telescope you may see trees without needles fail halfway up the nearest of the great peaks, and even these fail before the top, though there is a span of nearly barren stone past that line, before the snow begins." you: mentions different plants living in different climates me: :0 / there's so much good description!! its all so pretty!! (2/?)

sflka;l;jlk i mean yeah, that’s pretty straightforward isn’t it. But! It establishes How Much Mountain it is visually rather than by saying ‘it was a big fucking mountain’ or ‘it was tall enough for the thinness of atmosphere near the top to create a small tundra region.’

o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

<3 Thank you! I kinda cut loose lmao.

"blocks veined with every color, pale blues and purples, reds and greens and golden-duns all mottling toward white and grey and black" god i want to live there so badly!! this tower is meeting all my standards!! cool pretty magic tower with rad telescopes!!! / "make a remark no one present understands about a Doctor named Seuss. His guide, the dousing tracker Amnaphi, will assume this person to be a famous astronomer from his homeland." im love!! misunderstandings about references!! (?/?)

💗💖✨ Yay! That’s an important feeling to create in fantasy, imo. The wanting.

I really enjoyed playing with the standard forms for ‘thing made of marble’ here, because all these marbles really exist, but in spite of the existence of the word ‘marbled’ our narrative uses of it tend to be tied up with Neoclassical aesthetics. So very white and smooth, yeah?

Also idk if it’s obvious to the reader but this Tower is to some degree in dialogue with Orthanc, which made a great impression on my mind as a child as the iconic wizardly tower, and while I don’t disagree with any of Tolkien’s use of symbolism for the purposes he was deploying it, there’s so much potential in Isengard as a setting that LotR had no space to explore, even if Tolkien would have noticed those angles at all.

Like...the parkland around the Tower is shown being despoiled for the orcish war machine and then reconquered by the forest, but of course it wasn’t forest to begin with. What was it for before Saruman lost his shit? Ordered gardens, for peaceful contemplation? Who dedicated the space that way? Who maintained it?

Did Saruman employ a gardener? Did he design his own gardens, or did they come with the keep, which we’re informed was built not by him but by the Numenoreans?

(“I liked white better” is still one of the greatest lines in a fantasy novel, Tolkien does not get enough credit for his contextually hilarious one-liners that rely on pointed code-switching, but Saruman’s evil rainbow oil-slick robes also sounded really baller and it’s kind of a shame they were not attempted for the movie lol.)

The fact that this is a world designed around a kid getting portal-fantasied into it and staying for 30 years really gives me some options which are fun to deploy but also like. Risky lmao. Because it encourages the reader to surface from the setting-logic and apply their own perspective, which can really break up the magic.

Being able to zoom out on the Tower after all that detail and be like ‘it’s awesome but also it looks like something Doctor Seuss would draw’ was fun though.

"Within the even hexagon of its outer wall, the Tower encloses a great parkland, enough that if it was all put under cultivation it could easily feed as many people as could live in the Tower itself." the tower has PLANTS i love it so much / "Ten Years’ Winter" god PLEASE tell me this is going to get into the agriculture and society stuff game of thrones didn't about long winters that would be SO cool / "Watchers of the Stars" AND they have a cool name holy shit (?/?)

Plants are important! As is food supply. As everyone who’s been reading this blog for a while already knows I think lol.

I mean, it’s not about that, really? The Ten Years’ Winter is a historical event--the most recent meteor impact severe enough to have global climate fallout. The dust it kicked up took a while to settle, and the famines were pretty severe.

But the cultural consequences of something that happened a hundred and fifty years ago exist, and are important, including the relationship between governance and disaster preparedness, which varies a lot regionally as you may imagine.

Astronomy has a long history as a wizardly sort of activity in the real world, both because it’s had continual overlap with astrology and just because the process has always been mystical and abstruse. In this setting, with a history of both devastating meteor impacts and being invaded from the Moon, but also actual magic, it’s got more obvious practical importance. Although since neither of these are remotely everyday occurrences, the average person on the street might not agree lol.

So it’s on the one hand a purely descriptive title, and on the other hand a serious boast, suggesting as it does that they are primarily responsible for Watching The Sky For Stuff. While also having broader philosophical implications and just sounding nice lol.

You gotta have good marketing if you want to persist as a wizardly order, because if talented students aren’t motivated to come to you how will you gain new members? Natural replacement is not an ideal strategy to say the least. That’s how you turn into a cult instead of an intellectual powerhouse.

"The northern third of the Tower’s park contains neatly regimented orchards, apples, pears, plums, and a few rows of carefully tended peaches and apricots, all clipped flat against low brick walls angled south and slightly west." hhh t r e e s / "wizards, while enthusiastic about innovation in the abstract, hate change." me too, wizards. me too / "The Tower grounds are filled with refugees." ooh now we get to why everything was empty earlier (?/?)

Trees! Which are also food!

And technology lol. Greenhouses built against fruit walls with good insulation are so much more sensible than ones heated from inside. Obviously as a passive solar-powered technology these only work when the sun is available and not, for example, cut off by a giant dust cloud.

These people are fairly acutely aware of their dependence on the sun and it figures prominently in a majority of their religions and their magical theory, even more than in ours.

There seems to be a mild consensus that the wizards are relatable. In truth: we are all wizards. :D

Yup! At long last lol.

"This division corresponds imperfectly to the usual split of the town by the course of the Meroda." because people!! take comfort!! in what normalcy they can find!! / "Makeshift pallets line the spaces between every fruit wall—the injured are being laid out here, now that the Tower is full, to get the benefit at night of the warmth meant to mature fruit." the awesome magic tower people trying to do everything they can for the injured who come to them for help in case i thought i couldn't be (?)

more in love / "Half of them are making ready to turn south along the Meroda." oh nooooo / "but the Moon People are the successors of the ancient magics, and just because they could not break the walls the last time they came, according to legend, does not mean they have not worked out a method now." im so worried for the people oh no (?)

Yeah! It really seemed natural. But of course they also aren’t recreating it obsessively; lots of people are grouping up with relatives who normally live across the river, or with people in the same line of work on the river, because people also adapt to circumstances.

No institution is ever perfect, of course, but I’m glad the Watchers have come across this way so far. They’re broadly well-intentioned and mostly well-organized.

And they were not ready for this.

A significant fraction of the reason for the order of the Watchers to exist at all, particularly in this observatory with its great eye fixed ever on the face of the green moon, is to be able to warn the world if this ever happens again. But the Moon People knew they were being watched, this time, and they kept all the build-up to mobilization that might have given them away on the far side of the moon until the last minute.

What the Magister is doing, as I hope was made clear or at least successfully indicated--I wish your commentary on the ending had come through!--is summoning what turns out to be an actual child from another world to do hero stuff.

Even if he’d gotten an adult that would be kidnapping someone to help with your problems, a routine element of the portal fantasy whose ethics have been addressed in a variety of ways, most famously ‘is Lion Jesus and always right.’

The reason they need a hero from another world is that the Moon People build a lot of their wards and their offensive and disabling magical attacks around a targeting system based on what planet people are from, because even though they’re originally from the same stock--they’re the descendants of ancient moon colonists who evacuated ahead of a major meteor impact somewhere approaching four thousand years ago--on a magical level having been born and raised on the planet or the moon makes a pretty huge difference.

So no one can get into the place their magic space elevator is anchored and fuck it up so they can’t keep bringing troops and supply in and loot out. Their single supply line is their only strategic weakness, and they’ve taken appropriate precautions.

Getting someone in from a third location is the best idea anyone’s been able to come up with in the very limited time available. Since no one can figure out how to turn one of the Moon People against the cause they came here for, on short notice, when they aren’t even stopping to talk to anyone so far. Like, that’s clearly not going to happen.

Heron Yl Fanult isn’t unaware that it’s ethically questionable, but he’s doing it anyway.

So I’m glad the ominous imminent oncoming of the Moon People can really be felt, because that atmosphere is fairly essential context for the decisionmaking going on at the top of the Tower.

"Young wizards sit in their bunks, six each to rooms that were previously individual, and hold lighting cupped dancing in their palms." a quick break from being worried to point out that this is rad as hell / "some with their heads decorously covered..." cultural differences!! especially with regional purposes like the Hedro!!

Thank you! 😆💖 I thought so too lol.

It also establishes the parameters of the magic system a little more. Throwing lightning bolts is pretty iconicly high-powered, right? And here it’s what most of the student wizards are practicing in anticipation of a battle, because most of them aren’t specced into combat and this is actually one of the easier lethal spells to master, especially if you have an academic background.

‘Electrocute’ isn’t a very flexible spell and it’s easy to lose control of, but it’s actually easier than, say, ‘set on fire to a significant degree in a non-electrical manner’ because concentrating a lot of heat in a certain location takes a lot more brute force than encouraging ionization.

You can pull most of the actual destructive force for the palm lightning spell out of the physical air and/or earth if you grasp the principles, which is much easier than channeling a comparable amount of magic directly because it doesn’t have to go through you.

The limiting factors on magic in this setting are how much power you can tap into and how much of it you can actually use without hurting or killing yourself. It’s not usually a lot, though the amount can be increased by things like choosing your workspace, prepping your workspace, and a whole lot of practice and meditation and things like that.

Magical traditions that get bundled under the heading of wizardry tend to focus on force multiplication, obtaining enough contextual understanding of a subject to make whatever power is applied go further. This means a lot of studying theory and using magic to make observations (such as the existence of microorganisms and their connection to disease) and often results in making clever devices based on what you’ve learned that may not actually wind up being magical at all.

Which is why the solar greenhouse proposal is considered ‘more wizardly’ than the fruit walls, which are wizardly in the first place even though the technology is pretty widespread at this point--it’s carried the principle of minimizing the energy you have to invest to get the result you want to the logical conclusion, where you don’t have to do any magic at all, you just set up the situation and get out of the way and the sun will do the work for you.

Other schools of magic, particularly religious ones, are more likely to emphasize just getting better at handling energy for yourself, which tends to yield a lot more in the way of immediate practical dividends and in a lot of quarters wizards who don’t do something obviously practical like physic or smithcraft with their theoretical background are considered crackpots or dilettantes

An impression helped along by the fact that being taken on as a student of wizardry at a basic level tends to focus more on your reading comprehension than your ability to actually do any magic, so in places where religious and wizardly institutions coexist the most talented students have a tendency to gravitate toward the religious life. This is particularly marked in areas religiously dominated by the Compact of the Golden Circle, wherein full ordination is contingent on being able to pull off certain fairly hefty rituals, so if you aren’t physically or mentally up to that kind of magical heavy lifting your religious career will stall out in one of the lay fraternities. In some of the cities on Sutouchel, the landmass to the southeast where the Compact is based, a slang term for wizard is ‘sanctum washout.’

But of course force multiplication is something that can scale up pretty far, and studying theory doesn’t stop you from also putting work into your practical skills, and not having talent isn’t the only reason someone would choose not to seek out a clerical career, if it’s even an option. Religion along the Meroda is pretty localized; communities tend to have local deities who correspond to a natural feature like the nearest mountain or the river or something, and if that deity rates a fulltime shrine the keeper also tends to be the major local medical provider, and since the wizards got settled in at the Tower it’s become pretty popular for shrinekeeping families to send their kids there for a year or two to get some educational polish in addition to what their parent already emphasized.

So depending on where you live and what your personal experience has been you’re going to have very different ideas about what wizards are good for.

Hrm. I’ve gone on a tangent. But that wound up taking so long you came back! :D I love it when being turtle works out in my favor.

Or was this actually the meta I was supposed to be doing in the first place? Aaaaa who knows.

im fairly confident you said eight asks survived so this is number nine? anyways onwards! "The hale survivors of the First Battle of the Second Descent sit waiting in their leathers, jack-chains and helmets laughably inadequate armor against the coming danger, and yet the best hope now just as they were on Carun Tol once the wizard fell" i have a lot of emotions about how their best bet is also a terrible bet but its all they have (9/?)

Yes 8.

Woo, thank you! ^^ & I love that you described it that way because that also describes the ‘summon alien’ spell Yl Fanult is casting and echoing the same emotional theme throughout the scene was very much the goal here.

"Threads have escaped from the braids pinned across the top of her skull: she has not had the chance to take them down for two days." god just the continuation of how desperate everything is / "He leans forward to peer through the narrow glass that has been turned on its articulated base to face the middle of the room, and relaxes very slightly. At least there has been no catastrophic alteration there, either." what does that one do id assume theres no approching army in the middle of the room -

:D Yeah, the fact that one of the chief medics available is already overworked to the point of neglecting nonessential personal hygiene and the enemy isn’t even here yet I hoped would resonate.

Well, remember how some of the telescopes at the beginning point in directions not included in the normal three dimensions of space? :}

- "trained as it long has been upon the face of the moon" also forgot to mention their enemies being from the moon is Rad As Hell / "He snaps his fingers for a spark that falls into the deep circular groove full of distilled spirits, and steps through that as well. He is not burned." ooooh whats he doing / "At his feet lie a glittering piece of gold ore, a moonstone, and a carefully sanded round of pumice." i see the connection to the moonstone bc moon army but i wonder about the others -

Thank you! It took a fair amount of poking before I decided it was a solid approach; it provides just enough physical alienation that there’s no direct cultural relationship and you can have that ‘everyone in the entire world Disliked That’ vibe, without needing to create any complicated magical and cultural explanation for such a long run of isolationism. They were out of contact because they were On The Moon.

Also I really get a kick out of putting space invaders in a fantasy setting in a way that stops just short of turning into sci-fi.

I’m glad the ritual lead-up is exciting! Even if the foreshadowing wasn’t as obvious as I thought it was lol. That’s fixable.

Gold is for the sun, moonstone is yeah for the moon lol (although in other circumstances people also use jade, because it’s been a long time since the moon was uniformly silver on account of it having been terraformed a few thousand years ago) and pumice is for the world--it’s a stone full of air that floats on water, so it’s popular as an anchoring device for rituals that call on all three local celestial bodies.

"He cannot take much time. He has only until the ring of fire dies." whats he doingggggg / anyways i love this so much!! the descriptions are gorgeous and im so invested in all of everything!! i hope you write more im so curious about it all!!

XD Ok I covered this already, I would have saved it for down here or Been Mysterious if tumblr hadn’t eaten the last few asks the first time lol. Thank you so much again! For encouragement! Before and now! I’ll try! To keep it going!

Here’s hoping this successfully posts, tumblr just kicked me onto New Dashboard again and disabled the turn-it-off button, so now my alternate posting strategy is borked up too. 🤞😅😘

#hoc est meum #ask #worldbuilding #a nonny mouse #the tower of sight #people say nice things #long post #<3

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potuzzz · 4 years

Text

I can’t fucking do this.

I can’t play this game.

I’m so tired.

I can’t do anything I want. I don’t even know what I want.

All I know is that anyone who’s ever given me a reason to smile feels infinitely far away right now, and I’m left with a cold, unforgiving world that values things that I simply cannot give.

I don’t even want to leave the cesspool, because of knowing there are people like me I’d leave behind. Fuck I think I just want to die. I think everybody just has to die. Thank God I believe in the immortal soul and a relatively good afterlife because if I didn’t I don’t know what the despair would do to me.

It’s so ugly. I cannot even look at it.

I was a knight, and I was stripped, and now, I do all the things I scoffed at. All the things I promised myself I would never do.

I’m just sitting here mindlessly fucking around on the same 3 websites, nothing is changing, I’m just melting my brain in hopes that it will dull some of this horrible feeling.

But this visceral feeling is deeper than that. It’s deeper than surface emotions. It’s in my fucking soul. my soul is on fire and thers nothing left on this world to put it out. theres nothing that brings mejoy. i dont care. even if something pops up right now that would make me feel better, it will be fucked. it will all exist for the wrong reasons. i cannot even, for example, hope to meet a random new friend, because i cannot make new friends. it has, tried-and-tested proved to be impossible. im too broken. my mind just doesnt function the same way. if they dont hate and reject me, i will hate and reject them. i will pour everything into a rose colored illusion i project, and be viscerally, cripplingly disappointed when i finally dare to remove the veil.

im slowly accepting the veil. i was told by so many powerful entities that i must not submit to apathy. but im sorry. im too high maintenance. i just cant do it. i cant do anything i promised of me. at least, i sincerely doubt it. i just cant. i cant change the world for better. i can even be nice anymore. i forgot how to be nice, “stop being nice” they said, “ you need ot take care of yourself. you need to fight back against this ugly world.” well now im ugly and i cant go back. i used to be naive and unjustifiably forgiving and cringey and annoying and unhealthily passive and pathetically submissive and i fought those things just to become the thing i hated. and now im turning into a young adult and my formative window is over. i cant change myself. i can only hope to get a fucking aneurysm from the stress of just being sober or of not actively participating in self destructive behavior. im so tired. let me destruct. let me go out in a blaze of glory, an explosion, dont let me die softly with a pathetic whimper before fading nonchalantly into the background, to be easily forgotten. what a curse.

just let me stop working, fuck. either let me be a sheep, a slave, a workhorse, trained to rationalize on my own accord how everythings okay and im the main character and its all gonna be good and cool, but dont fucking put me in this middle ground. dont leave me alone with the darkness and then make me hop back and forth back. this is dehumanizing. this is...this isn’t fair. if they came to hear me beg, they’ll be satisfied. allow me the small dignity. allow me this one fucking thing.

take it out of my hands. put me in a war. a big one. one where i can pretend that im doing something good, fighting for something bigger than myself. one where i have comraderie with people who i would easily hate in an other siutuiaton. youb know, bdy conditioning class in ghigh school was fucking great for this reason. all these shitty peole who would bully me, who would hold me in the loewst, cruelest form of contept, who would even continue this view of me at the beginning,w e all became equals through the trials of fire. imagine what bonding could be had over death and squallor and rage and intense, immeasurable, uunignorable suffering.

that’s the fuckign problem with the is world . all the suffering is way too damn weasy to ignore. death by a billion paper fcuts. slice me asuner with a fork of lightning, dont give me this undignified death. its cruel, pointlessly cruel. you lose nothing buy giving me somthoing dignified.

i cant even fucking sleep. i cant even have my own self for comfort, me versus the world baby. noep. its dead. i cant even talk to ymself. i cant even look at myself, as if ive done something wrong, when ive literally not done antyhting wrong, buefcause i havent done a fucking thing. i dont areif this is hyperbolic.

im so tired of saying the same words over and over

im so tired of seeing the same 5 different types of peopl,e

im so tired of being disappointed. show me something whimsical. something truly magical. something awe inspiring. terrigying. attack me in my dreams. rip my soul out its soft, comgfy shell, and thrust it into the sky, that visceral discomfort. am ai really a coward beause i didnt go sky diving or something? i dont know. am i ca cowrard because i stopped allowing myself...WHATEVERT THE FUCK WOULD HAPPEN IN MY DREAMS???? I DONT NOW!

blah blah blah wow noah this is going to be so useful in your brand building campaign wow hahaha youre so cool oure going to be famous boy! FAMOUS BOY! youre gong to be big and famous and universally olloved! everyone will be yor friend! eveerything woikll work out in the end. nbody you love will ever die or ever hate you. it all works onut in the end. it all works out in the end.your going to be GFAMOUS DUDE LAOL HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS ACTUALLY MAKING ME SMILE!

DUDE, FUCK YOU!

FUCK OFF!

FUCK OFF! FUCKI OFF!

WOW THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT FOR THE ALGORITHYM THIS IS GOING TO LOOK SO GOOD ON THE RATIOS AND THE METRICS AND THE RED LINE GO WEEEEEEEEEEEE EAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY THIS IS GOING TO LOOK SOOOOO GOOOOD ON YOIR PORTFOLIO WHERES YOUR PORTFOLIO CAN YOU LINK EM TO THE SONG DUDE YOU JUST GOT TO LNK ME TO YOUG MUSIC MAN!!!! IM SURE ITLL BE GREAT ILL LOVE IT :) :) :) O))IK

fuck YOU

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW LE ME STYA UP ALLLLLL NIGHT

ALLLLL NIGHT BABY THIS PATTY GOES ON ALLLLLLLL NIGHT

CAN I GET AN AMENE LOUDER FOR THE KIDS IN THE BACK

KIDS I N YOUR BACK ITS JUST THE KIDS IN YOUR BACK

YOU LL FEEL HOLY JUST HOLD STILL FOR THE

ahahhaahhaahahahahahahahahahahhahah

if you’ve killed yourself Your’e a Damn Hero a(TM) and im not nmade at you. not anymore. i used to be, sre, but now i get it. i fuckin get it my guy. how fucking 1st world of me to think you wouldn’t. honestly. its amazing uyou put up with what you did. you’re souch a good musiciain dude. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH an ARTISSSSTTTTEEEEEEE I GOT THE BIG BRAIN BIG THINK TIME MY FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT IM AN ARTISSSSSTTTTE

dont show your ASS FOR A SECOND OR THEYLL RIP YOU TO SHRED SBOY

just osme advice before the planks fdrtop

yeah just make sure you never do any of tis

dont hsow weakness for even a second

dont beg

dont you pathetic loser

just be happy

just make your life happyier

you know

they always this new bullshit ass looking way of things, the whole, “they killed themselves it woas outside of your control there is nothing theyhat you could have done it was doomed from the start they made the decision THEY made the decision

like literally fuck you dude. whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night.

you might just be a grain of sand, but a grain of sand is a lot more than 0/. i get to live every single day with my sin,s, they are variou s and many and oh boy they are GREAT. , if i may do say so myself. but i dont.

pause

more dirnk

*jeopardy song(

All i have is imagined scenarios. All i have is parasocial relationshiops. All i have is people im supposedly super close with that i feel a constant need to hide gfrom.

you don’t know me. and when i let the mask slip for a seocnd you are repulsed. fuck you.

i’d like...i liked to think it was because i was special. because i did omthing outside of the norm, that brought this...new thing that had to be contended with...HAD to be contended with...for the human speices to evolve. i was just a small LEOG brick in the gram dn sceneme of things, sure, but i was an actaual...i was a VESSEL. I was a VEHICLE>. now what am i. nothing. a waste of tiem.e a waste of love and anergy and resources. of hope. how dare you hope for me. you have no idea. luck is in not many people’s favor but i dont even have the money for the lottery tickets. i wouldnt even know how to read the numbers if i wanted to. i’d be too much of a prudish, self-centered, egotistical, unbearably annoying hipster to use the numbers even if i could read them, and i know this to my fucking core. it’s like i’d rather ...

FUCK THIS HALFWAY POINT

THE HALFWAY POINT BETWEEN SLEEPING AND AWAKENING IS HELL

AND I HAVE SETTLED PERMANENTLY ON IT

for why?

SPITE

I SWEAR TO GOD BECAUASE I CAN THINK OF NO OTHER RESOASN.

it doens’t matter.

i have to stop typing and go to bed.

and shut my eyes.

and sit in silence.

alone.

so alone.

and wait for sleep to take me.

and then wake up and flip burgers.

it has to happen. i cant stay up all night. i’ll fucking die tomorrw. i wish i could just stay uo all night.

amyabe i should? like i mean seriously, accelerationist based shit but like, maybe i just need to lose my job just to...rip the bandaid off.

everyone, im sorry if youre reaing this, i;m okay. im just in a rough spot. im sorry, please ignore this. im sorry.

#doubleups

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 14 (Finale) | “All of this and more, but only in Autumn's World” - Autumn

So I figured out that Amir does have the idol and Jakey originally had it that round... damn I wish I looked a little more but I just didn't think Jakey had it. So that probably means that Autumn is going this round, and then I just need to find a way to win this next challenge over Amir. I know Kendall and I will vote together next round regardless, so worst case scenario next round for me is that I am in some kind of fire-making challenge, but I at least see there being a good chance that me and Kendall could be sitting in FTC together, and I'm just hoping at this point that it's Augusto sitting there with us. P.S. In the event that I make FTC... I really hope I'm not seen as a goat. Like, I don't think I am, but I'm not sure how much respect I'll get for my game. I'm hoping people see how savvy I had to be to continuously work my way back up after a couple blindsides and being pushed to the bottom, but you never know with this jury / cast. P.P.S. Please no pressure cooker next round. I'm not ready to have to beat Amir THAT way.

So I'll count that as half of a success. I was at least able to help convince Amir to play the idol he told me about to flush that, and with Autumn safe, the next option was to do Adam. Knowing that if Autumn did have the merge idol, she probably wasn't playing it on Adam, this was the next best option. I need Kendall and Augusto around because those are the two I'd like to bring to FTC if I can make it there. It makes sense to take them to the end as our games are all very similar, so at least we aren't against a winner at the end. Part of me thinks that bringing Amir may not be the worst thing in the world given he has screwed over a decent bit of that jury, but also, I'd rather not take that risk.

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed!

youtube

So Amir blames me for playing his idol... I think that's a win for me then, right?

I'm so glad I was able to take this challenge win! I needed to win this to guarantee I wasn't some kind of contingency plan. But now, it's about how can I guarantee a winner goes home. I've already kind of told Autumn she was in trouble (literally 0 point in lying to her about it) and have explained to both Kendall and Augusto that we should find a way to split the votes / guarantee that Autumn and Amir have no shot of working with one another and sending home one of the two people I want with me at FTC. I feel so close, yet so far away from the title of Sole Tumblr Survivor. I want this win so badly. I can't describe how much I want this win. I didn't come back just to have fun; I didn't come back just for maybe an ounce of redemption from Guyana, I came to win this mother-effer. I have at least a 25% shot at the moment, but I want to increase that number.

Final 5... it's so insane honestly because I never expected this of myself but I've played my ASS off (literally, that's why I'm flatter than a table top) especially these past few rounds. I'm kinda shocked that the clear targets are Autumn/Amir/TJ just given I have been a force in the game (subtly ofc) so its def a gag... but yeah. TJ winning the immunity was WORST case scenario because I wanted to come for that man's neck SO bad but we'll just have to get him next time. Amir having the merge idol isn't a SHOCK but it was interesting to say the least like rip telling me that but both his idol plays are gonna be kinda useless which helps my case! I know that Autumn said me and Kendall have been up Amir's ass but first of all... i'm a bottom so I would never BUT also I feel I've held my own this entire game so it isn't my truth in the slightest but I'll just have to prove her, TJ, and the jurors wrong if I got to. I've gone from flop (16th in Bhutan, 17th in Great Lakes, 12th in Socotra) to the top (6th in Flops, 2nd in Seychelles) but I am trying to WIN and wear my deserved crown, it's time I won something yknow.

Amir and I when my plan worked and NEITHER of us walked into jury yet again https://twitter.com/abridrakegraham/status/1222552252357005313 The kids HURTIN yall and I will 100% respect their privacy at this time. Like they really thought!!! They really thought they finally killed me and were probably singing ding dong the witch is dead all day and now look at em. They done lost the boy they all wanted to go to the end with, got severely played by me, AND still gotta see my face everyday. Someone check on Jordan Pines I wanna make sure he's not still holding his breath waiting for my demise. And I've teamed up with his other least favorite person? HOES MAD. But it's not just him- Kendall ready to fight Amir in PM's, TJ in his feelings on call during tribal, Augusto couldn't even find the words he was that shocked. It's all so glorious and I truly fucking love wrecking everyone's games. Amir was like I've never felt these emotions before/ this is one of the wildest moves I've ever been apart of and tbh I agree with Amir. This was batshit crazy but you know what the gag is? This is literally just another day in the mind of Autumn Hill Jury mad, the mayos mad, Augusto mad, and I'm literally on top on the world right now. Like I love Augusto yes but that move was the definition of powerful. Like it's not just playing an idol correctly. It's the fact that Amir came to me begging that I forgive him and that we work together again, I then agreed and admitted to having the idol to A WHOLE ASS WINNER, convinced Amir to tell the kids he had the idol, got everyone to feel super comfortable around me all night and day cause I knew "I was going," snapped in the tribe chat at 2:00 because I "just wanted people to be honest about voting me," got the kids to essentially then tell on themselves since they listed all the reasons why they were voting me, and then idoled out their king using his once closest ally. Liiiikkkee?? STIFF WHERE?? DEAD WHERE??? Bitch I'm playing to win ok I hope yall enjoying this master class I've put on cause I'm hanging it up after this. Unless yall get serious about having a TS version of Winners at War, then call me. But otherwise, yes I'm going ham because I have every intention of walking into the 2 time winners chat. I WANT TO ASCEND!!! So PSA: if my funeral is public knowledge, that means I ain't dying hahaha. Apparently everyone has nicknames for me and that might actually be my favorite part. Jakey calling the game Autumn's World all merge to the boys and TJ only referring to me as the Godmother?? iconic! You know I'd hate me too if I wasn't me, which is why I'm flattered by it all. They know damn well they're almost out of time to get rid of me and they've spent the entire fucking game hoping and wishing and praying and still can't pull it off. And them not targeting me out the gate like Jordan wanted has gotten soooo many people killed. But most importantly I have successfully played an idol now TWICE at Final 5.. And I sure did win back to back immunities at Final 4 and Final 3 in Crossroads so finding out this season has a final 2? Perfect let me dust off the blueprint real quick

https://twitter.com/rcgersnatalia/status/1168071613763342336

okay im going to work my ass of to win this but autumn and tj have both claimed they can do this really well, so like basically, tj cannot win immunity, i need to win or i may be absolutely screwed https://66.media.tumblr.com/583667e85060a36a2cccb8551baa27d5/tumblr_inline_oh5slaYgdO1tr4u58_500.jpg but as of rn, i was going no matter what if i didnt win immunity, i tried to make a story to autumn and we called for like 3 hours and i did my damnest to sell that tj is the problem with everything that happened last round and that i was down to vote augusto for real until tj really sold the plan out to augusto and i didnt want to go to rocks, but i played the idol out of fear that augusto-kendall-tj would 3-2-1 me so she believed there is a true rift in the beauties right now and has more of a reason to hate tj she is so fucking smart so she may have sussed it out and went along with it, but im hoping it worked??? idek but she said if she wins immunity she'll idol me she did admit she has the idol to me but maybe because she knew i already knew

I just... do I even have words anymore? Like, time and time again, I'm getting screwed over and I just... it's a good underdog story now. I just have to win this next challenge. I guess regardless I had to win this next challenge, but also, I was really hoping to not have to have as much concern as I do right now.

What was that?? oh cause I thought the yts who can't successfully kill me had said something https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Wux4HnZRY0 Another day, another body bag. THEY WERE SO SURE THEY HAD ME AHHHH I really have to laugh. Kendall was certain this was my funeral and I'm like nah baby it's yours. I'm still screaming that TJ would keep immunity for himself and let Kendall go to firemaking where she would 100% lose that's wild. Only for me to find out after that sis really was THE RAT??? Y'all set her up lmaaaooo. Now I really don't feel bad cause she ran from her karma long enough and if Amir had told me that shit before firemaking I really would've smoked her in the comp. Kendall had no business snitching to Jordan about an airtight unanimous vote and blowing up all her allies' games just to do right by an egom aniac. Then Jordan still died and she falls in love with his bestie boo TJ (he's playing you sis!!) who sensed she could die this round but didn't give a single fuck?? Absolute mess. She really got Devon, TJ, Amir, and Augusto to lie about it the whole game and they agreed because they knew if I ever find out the truth, I'd kill her on sight. Bitch I killed her anyway!!! So was it even worth it? Cause she still walked into jury but she got a better placement and a noble death, which miss Devon and Augusto cannot say. Too busy being lying https://media3.giphy.com/media/6DMfLQEhixGdW/source.gif I feel so affirmed though- every person who has come for me is either sitting in jury or is about to walk in. That's power- that's RANGE! Also I just wanna say to Devon while I'm here: you really gave me all that grief for considering you could be the rat when you, Amir, and Augusto were in on it and protecting Kendall the whole time??? Fuck outta here. Like whose fault is it really that you died Devon? I wanna know. You mad at me and Amir when you need to be mad at yourself for picking the wrong girl, which is on brand for straight white men but y'all not ready to have that conversation. Anyway! Kendall trying to undermine me the ENTIRE merge and using all these men to do it only to still get killed by me in the end?? Fucking love that shit. All of this and more, but only in Autumn's World

https://66.media.tumblr.com/143402720bb2766ebe14eb1d657e2ca6/tumblr_inline_o8662rxDt11tr4u58_250.gifv

Me before the challenge https://peopletalk.ru/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/tumblr_n49eidw5Zk1rsrbdko1_500.gif

Me after I went beast mode and embarrassed the men https://twitter.com/intoragnarok/status/1233477557565173762

I'm screaming at Amir asking me after if kept him strategically or out of loyalty and I'm like sis what do you think. I was not about to let the white knights get their way and give TJ the win all because he's a good car salesman. Like y'all should've seen that 1 hr plus discussion of TJ and Amir going back and forth on camera about who I have a better chance of beating and I'm just sitting there IMMUNE taking notes, knowing neither of them wanted this. The power that that has, the intelligence that that has, the clearance that that has, the access that that has. Amir and TJ planning to kill me and then being thwarted once again is arguably my two favorite storylines. TJ wanted to do this the ENTIRE MERGE and I never let him succeed. And Amir wanted to be the one to say he killed me cause he's Mr. Smith when I'm Mrs. Smith and my ass spared him and helped him several times. Now look at em, getting third and second. I made a joke at Final 5 that Amir and I are the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith and it's so true. I adore him as a person and I know he loves me too but we're not above killing each other. Hell we genuinely want to kill each other but time and time again we chose to kill everyone else instead lmao.

So please enjoy this visual walkthrough of our wild ass partnership

(when we met at merge) https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3f/48/5e/3f485e53a56fb43c62c22c0790e8afd7.gif

(when we voted together at Final 11 and Final 10) https://media1.giphy.com/media/l3Ucho9gtq4b7SLok/source.gif

(when I caught Amir in a lie and killed Devon as retaliation but still wanted to work with Amir) https://media0.giphy.com/media/l3UcotueAJQAW0zjW/source.gif

(when Amir killed Ali and Adam to piss me off) https://66.media.tumblr.com/eebc1dc0a509a652ea543aba82bcb1c5/tumblr_ojjk22iVXM1uhcmrao1_250.gifv

(when Amir tried to get back in my good graces at Final 5) https://66.media.tumblr.com/3b157a36601820370897ace6673af493/tumblr_n17egq7Hdq1r7fawxo4_r3_250.gifv

(when I agreed to the winners pact and got him to kill Augusto and Kendall with me) https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DefiniteVapidDogwoodtwigborer-size_restricted.gif

(when he kept trying me at Final 4 and Final 3/ saying he'd kill me) https://i.gifer.com/3lie.gif

(when I snapped and took Amir to Final 2, like I said I would, and we both knew he'd lose beside me) https://66.media.tumblr.com/d1f3506fc873a7d2393d705a7f58065d/tumblr_mgooqovRHw1qkdoj2o1_500.gif

mood after everything that's happened and me making FTC again- we out here. Coming out of retirement has been good to me https://twitter.com/emrific/status/1235072497055227907

(final 4) oh dear me this one is a tuffyyyy wuffyyy.... okay okay. so its f4, tj thinks im voting with him and kendall to vote autumn. Autumn thinks im voting with her against kendall to make it firemaking. basically, i was originally gonna vote autumn, and i told autumn and she was like fk no so i told her im convinced but i am STILL UNSURE So if I vote kendall: autumn has to win fire making which like statistically i do not see kendall beating autumn, but then tj takes me to final 2 over autumn, and autumn will take me to final 2 over tj, she also threatened to make jury hate me if I cut her now which doesn’t really scare me tbh if I’m next to kendall anyway, but regardless of that threat, me going with tj and autumn gives me a 66% chance of winning this game. If me or Tj win final immunity, I think I win this game. If Autumn wins, then uhhhhggg she will probs take me but like we will thee i just hope she doesnt win final immunity If I vote autumn: me or kendall have to win final immunity, because if tj wins, then I’m getting third place, and kendall would probably take tj as well, so like, yeah i would beat them both at the end but i would be putting myself in a position where i have to win immunity but idk . i think voting kendall is better as i type dis

final 3 oh my gooooodddd, the fact that i am here is so surreal 2 me, and idk idk this immunity is gonna be the deciding factor of my game and im so nervous but also happy and proud of myself however this game turns out. hoyoyoyooyoy

SO MISSS AUTUMN JUST UHHHHHHHH wooped me arse in immunity and me and Tj had to PLEAD for ourlives but she ended up TAKING MEEEEEEEEE so partyyy Honslee tho, while this is gonna make winning 90x times harder, I am pretty happy to be sitting next to Autumn cuz our end game mr. and mrs. smith alliance is highkey iconic af ewnfewkjfnewkjnf like we killed each others allies and somehow have been aligned since early merge and I lied to her and somehow we always came back and protected each other and if i don't win im happy she will <3 but with that said, i gotta take her DOOOWNNN

AUTUMN WINS 8-1

#BackWithVengeance

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

Text

Episode 14 - “Maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time” - Owen

youtube

What the motherfucking ass shit was that. Who in their right mind would let it slip so that Ian/Devon would play an idol. And then Matt playing the idol, first of all wtf I didn't know he had an idol. But god damn that was messy. I'm shook that Maynor and I didn't get any votes in the revote, but wow that paints a target on our backs which is the last thing I want. It makes me feel great about where I'm at with the people I've been talking to and even those outside the alliance. So this is both good and bad but wow messy. Ahhhh I still don't know how to feel, but if that revote tied then maynor and i would've gone to rocks and been out since it would only be us and yeet there I go.

I feel super shitty for doing that to Corey. I don't even know if it was the right thing to do, but I didn't want to have to use my tiebreaker yet and if it had tied I was not about to let Timmy/Maynor go home. I never wanted to turn on Corey in this game but the way this merge has turned out ugh idk. I had to make a choice and I had to choose the group of people I feel comfortable with over the group of people I'm only tied to because of Corey. It was shitty all around. I'm sorry Corey, I know you're going to be mad at me but asdfkjhf fuck i love u :((( god im shit. okaythat was actually kind of crazy tho and I'm honestly a little happy it went down like that? two idols OUT OF HERE! and that ian idol couldve been so fucked up later on. matt's idol gone got me happy af too. I feel closer with timmy and maynor after this round and hopefully matt knows he cann trust me for not blowin up on him about his HIDDEN IDOL!!!! madison and I got closer a little this vote too. I'm glad she was on the same page as me. It's a little awkward to deal with the aftermath of devon and ian. especially with corey or cullan coming back.... cullan I can deal with but corey not so much. thats gonna suck. i still got my idol i still got my tiebreaker and a threat is still leaving either way. but now when the pieces rearrange next vote I gotta work hard to pull them together in my favor. kjDFHSKJSF goooooooooooooooooooooooood idk. that wa swild. i said at tribal that the game was gonna blow up soon. maybe i should be careful what I wish for nxt time lmao

Oh... WIG guess this tribal popped the hell awf. At the time of my last confessional I had no intention of playing my idol, but things were just so tense and quiet that I knew it should be done, but boy did I not know how badly it needed to be. Now I’m more scared than ever with like 3 pissed off people and all the eyes on me for having a secret idol. Guess it’s time for everyone to stop playing quiet, easy games, and time to go the heck crazy.

Annnnnd that was the worst possible outcome from that round. I inadvertently idol'd out my closest ally. My game could potentially be over, this very well be my first ever double digit placement in the 9 orgs I have played, but if I'm going out then it's not before I do the only move I got left. I've shared all my information I have been sitting on about Owen/Kait and by extension Matt, how they are aligned with Thomas and Madison. All I can do is let the others make informed decisions on how they think this game can be played best for them. If they choose to let the power team continue to run it for them then that's their prerogative. It's all I have left. At the very least I didn't go home with an idol in my pocket and I didn't burn it without needing to use it.

So last night, I wanted to die after the votes became 0-0. Me and Timmy had a 1/3 shot of going home but we some how managed to get zero votes against us. I felt really bad about voting for Corey. He was someone i really liked and was working with but we got to different sides. Now ian has some interesting info that Owen and Kait are part of an alliance with Thomas & Madison and also had devon and corey. Idk which side they are most loyal to because they sided with us this time but they could easily flip to other side if they wanted to. I need to keep an eye on them thats for sure.

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What the hell, 11 idols in play!? Like this twist is crazy. I want and need to find my idol. There is no excuse. I really need it to make sure im here after tribal. Like idk care who its getting votes as long as im safe.

I have so many feelings on this immunity challenge. Mainly I'm pissed because I don't have an idol clue because I got second so technically I didn't bite Chips so he didn't get a clue for me which sucks because like people like me I guess so I'm pretty much punished for that. As a result it could be easy to vote for me since I have a disadvantage in finding my idol since I don't have the clue. I'm scared because of that since what I learned after last tribal is spicy (and i'll make another confessional about that tomorrow) so I don't even know what to do at tribal and I'm just hoping it's not me. But I didn't give Thomas his clue so hopefully that will help me since he won't know where to look either so that's an advantage for me because I have absolutely no reason to give him his clue, we don't talk. I'm not going to help someone else while subsequently actively hurting myself. At times I also want to try looking at spots for other people to try and get their idol so I know that they won't have it...but that's just a maybe.

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I’m heated and I can’t even do much about it because of the nature of this round. Kait, Owen, and Matt think their sitting so pretty and I’m fucking sick of it. Here I thought I was doing well and hearing shit about them and now seeing it first hand is ridiculous. Owen is kind of slipping up with that trio and here’s why. Owen told me that kait and Matt found their idols, so I messaged both of them asking how their hunt is going. Kait hasn’t answered yet but Matt says “If I get up at 9am and guess every hour I’ll find it” because he’s “figured out the math”. Bitch i already know you have it and now you’re just lying to my face. Like we’re in an alliance together but I guess that doesn’t mean shit to you. I’m assuming Owen even probably has his idol and is lying to me. I feel so stuck because i can’t make a move this round due to the idols, but I’m probably going this round due to not having a fucking idol clue because of the bullshit this challenge was.

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OH OH KAIT JUST ANSWERED “no luck lol I suck” WOWOWOW AND SHE HAD EVEN SAID SHE WOULD HELP ME FIND MINE. Fucking fake people i can’t stand them.

THIS WHOLE IDOL THING GOT ME CRACKT OUT MY MIND LMAOOOOOO HSKSHDJDJDHD FORST OF ALL!!!!!!! I hate that tommy gave immunity to chips and not Timmy. Why wouldn’t tommy pick someone more likely to give him his clue????? Ugh. SECOND OF ALL. Literally fuck madison and Maynor for giving Devon and Ian their clues. What the fuck were they actually thinking !?!?!?!? Everyone with a clue is gonna find their idol unless they’re stupid or someone else finds it first so like.... idk I genuinely don’t get it. I think Maynor just wasn’t thinking and madison was tryna be social with Devon idek. I’m mad about it and it makes me want madison outta here. Not Maynor tho bc he’s precious and I luv him. Third thing why does Devon think I’m going to believe any guess he sends me nnnnnnn like he sent me matt and Kait random coordaintes that apparently weren’t it. I replied to Devon being like ‘e9 is miss too hehe’ and then realized I shouldn’t tell him where I’m searching and panicked and sent ‘omg typo meant r9 oops!’ Hskshdjdjdh Fourth KAIT FOUND MT IDOL SHSHDHD AND THEN WOULDNT GIVE UT TO ME AND I ACCIDENTSLLTNPOSTED ABOUT IT IN THE TEIBE CHAG AND KEPT IT THERE FOR A MINUTE IM SO STUPID. Literally started crying after. I’m like I can’t velieve I did that but if only my roommate hadn’t woken me up singing I’d still be ASLEEO RN AND NOT FUCKING UP. Or if Kait had just Given ME!!!! Oh my god like I’m rlly embarrassed and if they didn’t know Kait and I were tight before they sure do now! Tommy and Timmy are the only ones without clues. It’s kinda fucked that chips didn’t get a clue for Timmy grrrr. I rlly don’t want either of them to go but if I gotta I guess it needs to be Thomas. But I can tell Kait wants thomasnto stay....

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God I love when the dumb bitch disease flares up

Having idol make me happy, but I’m probably gonna end up losing a number, that being either Thomas or Timmy. I can’t even figure out who I want to go out of those two and I hope maybe Ian doesn’t have his? It’s very strange trying to come down from the last vote without really having the chance to vote anyone besides who’s available.

Honestly this challenge probably could not have come at a better time, just about everyone has their idol so people feel more free to talk since we're all "safe" but if Timmy goes instead of Thomas my game could still be in trouble. The beauty of this round for me is that I planted the seeds about Owen/Kait/Madison/Thomas alliance before the challenge even began, then they played it out exactly how they would and Timmy at least took notice. Timmy has become woke, that's why I absolutely need him to stay, I can't say for sure if Chips is on the wavelength but Maynor seems to be since he shared my clue, albeit late, but he did. I could still end up tenth but if that alliance burns to the ground then I have done what I needed to in this game. I also talked things over with Mateo, we might work together down the line, we might not. At the very least I expressed why I felt we had beef at the beginning of merge and that I was willing to turn a new leaf with him.

So this is a crazy round obviously. I really think the trio approach really helped but finding all those idols myself was crazy. Still don’t feel safe in this game for now, going to be a crazy night.

I’m so stressed!!! Like I don’t want to go home on a twist round, that already happened in Virgin Islands, like been there done that already. I have Thomas’ idol so I know he doesn’t have it, thank god. People are saying their voting Thomas, but I have no reason to believe them bc they have been lying to me so much. I only trust maynor so if I see after the season that he was lying to me...I’m going to be hurt, like genuinely hurt for a while because he knows how much I trust him. These past 2 rounds have been taxing on my stability and I want to make a move but with the nature of this round, i can’t.

There were barely any vote talk this round. I found my idol and Im playing it on myself. Im trying to find Timmy’s we only have 2 more guesses. Thomas is the target this round which okay with me because he hasnt been talking to me all that much so dont think he’ll be a good ally moving forward. This round has been not chaptic like last round.

So this vote has a lot for me to cover. Last time, I was voted out alongside Corey. However, after a 3 1/2 hour endurance challenge, I fought my way back into the game with an idol and a legacy only the jury know about! Coming back into the game there was a challenge which chips won immunity. There was also a twist where everyone had to search the grid for their own idols where I found mine and will be immune at tonight’s vote. From what I know, Thomas does not have his idol therefore will be the person I am voting for and hopefully he goes home and I don’t get blindsided again

in a shocking turn of events...... i love tommy so much i'm so sad at the prospect of him leaving.

Well I am very fucking pissed at the moment. Timmy wanted to keep the fucking idol clue away from me and I wasn't able to find a fucking idol. Now I am going to be going home because of it. I just got to get this off my chest, THIS SEASON HAS BEEN SHITTY! I love traditional Survivor gameplay and stuff like the warzone and the everyone gets an idol twist like Oprah gives everyone a car twist is unnecessary. Like what the fuck! I've been in several ORGs but, no offense to Alyssa, Johnny, and Monty, this has been the worse ORG I have been apart of. I was able to meet Kait, Maynor and Chloe but those were the only posituve things from this ORG aside from a few challenge ideas I got for my ORG. That is it. Peace y'all.

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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