#im not trying to be like Everything Is A Symptom but this is annoying enough of a problem it FEELS like i do it worse than neurotypicals

[bananonbinary]

do any other autistics have like...extremely minor coordination problems? like, i don't think i have anything that could be Diagnosable or that needs aids so i can function, but i drop shit often enough that i don't like handling sharp or hot objects and i'm resigned to spilling a little bit of basically every meal and drink. is that a thing. do we as a community just drop shit all the time.

#im not trying to be like Everything Is A Symptom but this is annoying enough of a problem it FEELS like i do it worse than neurotypicals #like i often ask for help getting something out of the oven not bc im a child but because i dont want our dinner all over the floor #actuallyautistic #and its a bit of a running gag with my sibling how terrible i am at high-fives #we both know its not a goof tho im just very bad at it

[apocalypseyoshia]

I’m on my period so here’s some Olrox comforting trans male reader (I also wrote this for a friend of mine who is ✨suffering with me!✨)

Olrox x trans male reader comfort 🏳️‍⚧️

Genderless blogs female she/ her using people don’t interact this is only for trans ftm people and please understand I will be blocking any blogs

You woke up feeling sick? No not sick just unwell, you grabbed your stomach, it hurt really badly. slowly you get out of bed being very careful to not wake up olrox, and went to the bathroom hoping that bad feeling was not what you think it was.

“Oh fuck me” you felt like you wanted to cry as you looked at the blood soaked underwear, ‘gods why’ it felt like the gods just where not on your side this week, as you slowly took off the underwear and grabbed a pad than you froze, how were you going to get clean underwear without waking up orlox, you looked down at the pad in your hand as tears pooled in your eyes.

“I hate this” you managed to get underwear and put the pad on, and it was annoying it felt like a constant reminder. The more you had to wear it the more irritable you were

“Morning love, I don’t see you in bed is everything alright?” olrox asked it was an innocent enough question but you couldn’t help but snap “I’m fine, leave me alone.” olrox raised an eyebrow but didn’t fight back, as you grabbed some coffee and left to go back to bed

You didn’t want to admit it but you felt bad for snapping at olrox, he didn’t do anything wrong he barely said anything but you felt angry, angry that you’re body was betraying you, angry that everything hurts, angry that you had to deal with this pathetic excuse of a body

“Hay darling, I got you something.” He slowly put down a cup of tea next to the almost untouched cup of coffee “I know you’re not feeling the best right now, but would you let me look after you?” He rubbed the side of your arm with your back facing him, at his words you start shaking and crying

“Baby?” you turn to look at him “i'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you its just” you tried to calm yourself down it wasnt working, Olrox gently grabbed the sides of your face

“Take your time and breath” your hands trailed his arms, as you held on to him and tried to steady your breathing as he wiped away your tears

“You okay now Or do you need a minute?” you look at him “im fine” “okay can you tell me why you're sad?” you kept quiet then in a low voice you answer him “i'm on my period” “oh, would you like me to stay with you in bed?” you nod, Olrox smiled, and you scoot to make room for him in bed, he got in and wrapped his arms around you, you buried your head in his chest.

He started humming and playing with your hair “you’re such a strong man, if it was me I would completely crumble” “no you wouldn’t” you said not believing a word he said

He looks at you “Tender breasts, Bloating, low blood Pressure, Muscle aches, Joint pain, Headaches, Acne, Abdominal cramps, Muscle cramps and indigestion, i wouldn’t last a day with those symptoms you last a week” he kisses the top of your head “most men can’t even deal with indignation for a week, so when you add every else on top of it it seems impossible but you do it on a monthly basis” he says as you hug him tighter, you knew he only wanted to help but listening to him talk about it just made you feel worse “Olrox, stop i know you’re trying to make me feel better but, my period just always has to remind me of its existence, it’s like it’s taunting me, telling me that no matter what I do and no matter how much I think or feel it I will never be a man fully”

olrox stoped and looked at you, he wanted to say something but he didn’t want to interrupt you.

“What happened I can’t get out get out of bed whatsoever and I’ll be angry at nothing for no reason for such a long time that it overwhelms me it all feels like to much like for this week and only this week I’m in the wrong body, a weak weird one it makes me feel wrong”

He knows he could take all of those feelings away but he would help anyway he could, he got up slightly and picked up the still warm tea “here I can’t take away those bad thoughts but I could sooth the person who has them” he says while looking at you, you got up and leaned against his chest, he brought the cup of tea to your lips as you took a sip “fruit?” You asked taking another sip “I had some got some in case you bad a bad day” you mumbled a thank you and continue to drink

After the tea was done Olrox went and put the dirty cup in the sink and start boiling some water he got a water bag a gently start to pour the hot water into it filling it it was to hot to the touch so he put a wool cover so it wouldn’t burn you, He picked up your favorite fluffy blanket and grabbed the book you where reading

He came back blanket water bag and book in hand he put the water bag on your stomach rolled you with a blanket sat next to you on the bed wrapping you both loosely with the extra blanket you rested your head on his lap and he began reading out loud while playing with your hair

You where getting drowsy and Olrox could tell he stopped playing with your hair after he noticed your eyes closing, he laid down next to you in bed and gave you a kiss on the lips, you brought your head to his shoulder and right about when you where going to fall asleep you head “I love you, my strong boy”

you smiled realizing that it didn’t matter if you didn’t have a man’s body you where just as much a man as anyone else, the man you love made it clear that he loves you no matter what and that was all you needed

#gay #trans comfort #castlevania nocturne #castlevania #mlm #olrox x male reader #olrox x reader #olrox #gay mlm #mlm fanfic #trans fanfic #comfort #comfort fic #olrox my beloved #no smut #fluff #gay fluff #trans fluff

[cartoonrival]

obtio and itachi for the character bingo. actually lets also go with sasuke lets get the whole uchiha family drama in here

ok i did this bingo a while ago w obito but im doing it again because my opinion is more developed since we've now discussed him at length. i think he's fucking annoying and his significance in the final arc is absolutely bizarre and deeply undeserved.

obito's significance in the story should begin and end at kakashi's backstory. like you've talked about, to kakashi, obito is more of a symbol than a person; kakashi was deeply traumatized (understandably) by obito's final moments, and is infinitely plagued with guilt over the person that he was at that time, blaming himself for his friends' deaths even though it wasn't actually his fault. he had no respect for obito until obito's final moments, where he sacrificed himself for kakashi and gifted him HIS EYE, GOUGED FROM ITS SOCKET AND SWAPPED WITH KAKASHI'S, HEALED INTO PLACE BY HIS 12 YEAR OLD TEAMMATE, finally making kakashi understand that looking out for the people you love moreso than the mission itself is honorable, actually. obito represents what kakashi should be and what he was unable to be, a point of failure and something to strive towards and fall short of forever. the horror of obito's death is emblematic of what's wrong with konoha and the ninja system in general-- why was rin, a child, taken prisoner? why was it left up to kakashi and obito, children, to rescue her alone? why were the three of them on the battlefield to begin with, KAKASHI AS THE TEAM LEADER? children gouging their eyes out as parting gifts. obito cared about kakashi from the beginning enough to give him an actual piece of himself, but kakashi couldn't be assed to give him the time of day until the moment obito died (because he was 1) an asshole as a child (love and light!) and 2) also traumatized by his father's SUICIDE (ALSO A BYPRODUCT OF WAR) which shaped his world view in an extremely rigid way), and THIS should haunt him forever. he can grow from it and make new connections and try his damnedest to make up for it, but obito should NOT come back. there is NO REASON for him to come back. he is not even SLIGHTLY an interesting enough character in his own right to justify him coming back, especially not as a MAIN PLAYER IN THE FINAL BATTLE. HUH?

his obsession with rin, a girl who ALSO had zero personality and thus i don't care at all about their relationship with each other, was absolutely bizarre and ridiculous, the way he hung onto it i understand objectively was a symptom of his stunted emotional growth and being a very broken man, but the way this was executed was MISERABLY done, no one cares, shut the fuck up, she didn't even like you (she liked kakashi, for some fucking reason, weird to make that like her only personality trait just for kakashi to not even like her back). like his anger that kakashi didn't protect her is 1) sexist but we know this (she is apparently incapable of protecting herself) and 2) annoying because again, this would serve much better as just another failure notch in kakashi's fuckup belt, but instead this dude comes back at the age of 32 to be like ooououuuugh all i wish is to hold hands with the girl i had a crush on when i was 12 and know nothing about..... SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPP

and obviously the fandom. fucking. KAKASHI/OBITO???? REALLY????? kakashi cares about obito because he was his teammate and a symbol of his personal failures, and obito sacrificed himself for kakashi because he was a kindhearted child and both of them were raised as war machines. how the fuck does that ever ever translate to romantic attraction. ever. what. they weren't even actual friends. why is this so popular. like in what world.... IN WHAT WORLD............

itachi....... itachi............i loveyou......... i mentioned this in a previous post but to me itachi is gen the POSTERCHILD of everything that is so wrong with the political system. he grew up SWALLOWED by it and chewed up and spit back out. his father took him to a battle field when he was like 4 literally just so he'd see what it was like. he was raised as a double agent and brainwashed so seamlessly that by the end he didn't even know whose side he was actually on. absolutely fascinating character and heartbreaking and devastating and horrible. ive never never never seen siblings written as well as kishimoto wrote sasuke and itachi, because LITERALLY WHO CAN GROW ME A NEW BROTHER... itachi loved sasuke more than anything. im convinced that if you dont think he loved sasuke then you weren't watching. obviously, what he did was terribly cruel and he ruined sasuke's entire life and no amount of i love you and im sorry can fix or change that, but he loved him. driven to do something unspeakably horrible by the government officials who had groomed him into a killing machine, setting the fate of his clan and the village and potentially beyond that on his teenaged shoulders, but he had to spare his brother. like itachi is deeply deeply brainwashed by konoha and this is something that he never gets over; he spares sasuke and drives him to hate him because he's afraid what would happen if sasuke crossed konoha, what konoha would do to him, he thinks that maybe he's doing the right thing and protecting the village, maybe, if sasuke grows up strong, stronger than him, no matter what it takes, then maybe he'll fare better than itachi did. but also there needs to be someone left to hate him for it. itachi can't bare to get out where everyone who knew him, who could really really hate him like he deserves to be hated, is dead. its selfish, obviously its fucked. but he needs it and he's terrified.

itachi's manipulation of sasuke's entire life is frankly very very fascinating and horrible to me, the willingness to rewrite and rewrite sasuke's beliefs and control every aspect of what he knows and believes and wants to a desperate attempt to keep him safe and to keep the village that fucked them both over safe. normally i think bringing characters who already got their epic death scene back from the dead cheapens the weight of the original death, but with itachi i actually think his return is sort of critical just because it breaks my heart so fucking bad. sasuke please don't call me perfect. sasuke this is everything i did wrong and im sorry and i love you and im not going to control you anymore. whatever you think is right, ill always love you. like itachi fucked up irrevocably. but man. thats his brother. thats his baby brother. we are fucked. i think given time sasuke will not think as highly of itachi as he does when the story ends and i think this would be a fantastic development to watch, but where things stand and considering how the rug has been pulled out from underneath him about one billion times i think its fully understandable that he has the take that he does by the storys end.

itachi was not a good brother, obviously, christ, but he DID love sasuke and i think what happened to them both is horrific

SASUKEEEEE i love a guy who doesn't know what he is doing or what he wants he just hates himself and his life and is terrified of weakness or connection or love and he gets led around by his nose because he's so full of hate and fear and anger that anyone who can help him direct it LITERALLY FCUKING ANYWHERE is immediately someone he will stand beside, until he changes his mind again. like im going to be sick. HES SO FUCKED. its crazy i think how little im about to write about him bc i think without direction my brain sort of looks just like @#**)#!H@FUIBEW*(#@*(WESDU@* *CWF)*WCF wrt sasuke.

was he right? umm im generally anti-tyranny but he was on the right track. it fucking sucks that kishimoto is so scared of change. im so glad he killed danzo. i fucking hate team taka though that was lame as hell idrk why kishimoto was afraid to just let him walk a lonely road the only road that he has every known and instead had to give him a bunch of tonally dissonant goons. devastating. what the fuck even. "you are the only person left who loves me and that terrifies and unsettles me so badly that i desperately need to kill you so that you'll stop and i'll really be alone" is an absolutely insane and also gay character motivation.

post canon sasuke is i think what makes me the most miserable with him (and im trying to get into this w b2, we'll see how successful i am) because i think its like. wow. what kind of person even are you after spending 7 odd years like how sasuke spent them. who even are you. what are you doing. what are you GOING to do. how do you know you won't change your mind and start hurting people again. how do you know you wont change your mind and start hurting yourself again. youre already hurting yourself. where are you. what is this. why are you alive. you should be dead. you deserve to be dead. you kind of wish you were dead. but also someone loves you and swears on his life that nothing in the world could ever make him stop, and you believe him and its so terrifying being known by yourself and by someone else but maybe things will be okay but maybe they wont and you hope that when the two of you die, its you first, because even though he says he never ever could you know he could get on without you but you have no idea who you'd be without him.

i wont rehash boruto because ive done that already but its critical as well. WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO HIM IM GONNA THROWUP

#asks157 #nrto #naruto #wont tag the first fellow bc this is major hate for him lol #sasuke #itachi

[strawhatsoraya]

Yo ! How are you doing ? :)

As an ADHD girl, I was wondering if I could request headcanons for Corazon, law and Luffy with a female SO who has ADHD (inattentive type) ?

To help you with it (especially if you are not familiar with it) my symptoms are :

-forgetting and loosing things constantly

-being overwhelmed when there's is too much things happening (especially at work), like multiple people talking close to me ect, If someone talks to me and there's someone else speaking loudly or close to me I won't be able to filter anything that's being said to me and I'll lag haha

- when I'm sitting I'm either constantly moving (fidgeting, scratching my skin all the time, looking around...) Or I'll look super calm and absent, zoning out completely and working on autopilot and just daydream constantly or planning stuff in my head

- I often get distracted during conversations, I think about something else and I'll miss half of what they were talking about. I'm either going to bid my head and deal with the little infos I got or ask "what is happening? What did you say?" Even though I was there looking at my friends the whole time and when they don't respond and move on I feel isolated :( I have two people close to me that often asks me if I understood everything and I often say no and they repeat, it helps me (but I know it's annoying to do so I don't expect it)

-I will often not look in someone's eyes when they are talking to me but looking around or let my eyes get lost in the void. I'm listening (if the conversation is short) and responding but idk why I won't look at you

- I actually harm myself fidgeting when I walk and scratch my leg with my shoes (I can't help it) and it gives me scares and I bleed :( (I'll try fidget toys and see if I can get over this)

-im so bad with time I constantly am paranoid of being late so I'm always one or two hours early at meetings because if I'm not too early I'm late, there's no I'm between (when I'm with my friends they must tell me to chill and that we will be on time if I follow their rythm and it helps)

-im afraid I'm being too obnoxious and childish sometimes :( so I often apologizes when I'm happy, (but recently I've been told I shouldn't because it's funny and it's nice to have some positive) example when I'm outside with people : "OH this is so pretty!", "It's so beautiful!", "Look at that tree ! So beautiful!!!" Every 10 seconds, jumping around ect. BUT with people I don't feel comfortable with or not enough I undereact to hide how easily excited I am to the point people think I'm not interested

I hope this helped! Thanks 😊

Hey! I'm doing well for a Sunday lol. Thanks for sending in your request. As someone who struggles with ADHD I totally related to your symptoms lol. I constantly lose track of my belongings, and have the worst time management ever. I have like 100 alarms on my phone and somehow manage to snooze them all. It's a problem. I know. Anyway, I wrote a few drabbles for you for this cute little headcanon. I hope you enjoy!

Corazon

 eyes that (don’t) commit

He hadn’t noticed at first. It was a truth he’d be too ashamed to admit. He hadn’t noticed the way your eyes always flit from spot to spot–quick as a butterfly, your attention always split in between worlds. He hadn’t noticed the way you always responded a beat or two too slow, or the way you’d repeat his last words like a parrot–a cute one–as if that would help jog your memory; or perhaps you were stalling, trying to buy time.

He never really understood why; truthfully he didn’t see a reason for it.

You were you, and that was fine. You laughed at his jokes, and had once, very boldly, with your whole chest made fun of his laugh only to confess very quickly that you loved it too; loved how it made you laugh, and what more could Cora ask for?

Your laughter followed his own wherever it went. It didn't matter if your eyes didn’t. He knew your heart was with his.

Law

where focus goes energy flows

At first, it irritated him. You were unable to follow through for lengthy conversations. He’d be staring at a book, expecting you to understand his instructions. When he’d look up, you’d be staring blankly, a little smile on your lips. 

It was both infuriating, and endearing.

You always seemed embarrassed after, deeply apologetic. You’d say the word over and over and over, like it would ease his heart. A ‘sorry’ did nothing for him. The expression on your face, the pained look behind your eyes was infinitely more worrisome than any bit of conversation that you had missed.

How many before him had failed to understand you? How many had turned your heart away because they lacked a certain kind of tolerance? He couldn’t tolerate the mere idea of it.

The day it finally clicked, he found you in a corner of the Polar Tang, as if you were trying to remember where you were headed. He chuckled beside himself, and gathered you in his arms, squeezing you tightly.

“I really hate it when you say: huh,” he could hear your voice now, see you blinking. It made the corner of his mouth twitch. “But it’s okay. You can keep saying it as many times as you need.”

Luffy

what a plot twist you were

The Sunny could be so loud sometimes; in so  many ways. You could handle the chaos most of the time. You thrived in it, almost, the way there were always so many conversations going on at once. It did; however, become inconvenient when you were trying to pay attention to your boyfriend.

You were both sitting on the head of the Sunny, ocean vast and wide ahead of you. You knew you had been observing the rippling water, the way the waves became white and foamy as the ship sailed on. Then what had happened? You’re not sure.

It’s Luffy’s pinger poking your cheek that brings you back. You turn your head slowly to look at him, eyes wide, head empty. He smiles widely at you, a small wheezy laugh shaking his shoulders. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” he asks brightly, eyes crinkling at the corners. You return his smile. This is what you loved about Luffy; this and many things. The easy way he made you feel like you belonged, right there next to him. No judgment. No pretenses. 

“I don’t have any. Do I still get a penny?” you ask him. Luffy’s chuckles become softer, a little mischievous. His eyes narrow slightly, as he wrinkles his nose.

“How about a kiss?” he says and he leans to capture your lips with his.

#fic request #one piece headcanons #one piece hcs #donquixote rocinante #corazon x reader #corazon x you #one piece corazon #law x y/n #law x reader #law x you #one piece law #luffy x reader #luffy x y/n #luffy x you #one piece luffy #one piece fluff #luffy fluff #law fluff

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

#answers

[eldritch-spouse]

heya boss lady, im fuckin sick how would the bois take care of/neglect me

~mommy milkers annon~

How would they treat a sick s/o?

Breg is going to get so many blankets. Too many. You're cold, aren't you? You're so cold! What do you mean a fever? Huh?? That doesn't make sense. Oh God, he's not prepared for this- You're gonna die! Holy shit- Calm him down. Immediately. He's going to stress out, which will stress you out, and that's the last thing you need. You're better off calling someone else or giving Breg very simple instructions while he reads up online. What he can anyway.

Fasma, while he may not look like it, is old enough to know how to take care of a sick human. He'll actually go through the effort of staying mostly sober while you're like this. But not because he cares, he just doesn't feel like hiding the body if you kick the bucket (lies).He can have dumb conversations with your fever-fried self and help you fall asleep by retelling some stories from his past.

I hope you like soups, because Morell has so many ready... Open up, piglet. You're staying in bed and you better not whine about having no appetite- Tsk! You know, none of this would have happened if you listened to him. You're not like him, you're fragile and tiny and when Morell tells you not to run around outside like an idiot, you better listen. Or else you'll be sipping soup for the rest of your life!

Gallon is so out of his depth. Help bestie. He's not sure what to do to make you heal faster, so he just does everything for you. Chores, errands, cooking, everything and anything. You're constantly being poked so he can gouge your temperature or if anything hurts. It's going to get annoying real fast. No Gallon, this is not worth going to the hospital for- No, you're not chronically ill...

Santi knows he can't do much to help you, the incubus can't shag some strength into you, that's not how humans work. But he does know about common sickness medication, and that's what he's going to rely on first. What do you mean you won't just get better after one pill? Some doctors you humans have... Well, if nothing else, you'll get a lot of cuddling and comfort foods.

Grimbly's putting you to bed immediately. Stay. Do NOT get up. He's calling your doctor immediately. No, SHUT- If you get up, he's going to tape your wrists to the mattress. He's not having you go outside in this state. He's not the best cook either, so I hope you like salads... At least it's not junk food, right? You also need to tell the bat what you need, because he's not above getting distracted and offering you "top notch blood", or forgetting the sun won't make you get sicker.

Patches is totally convinced he can snap your sickness away with magic. And to be fair, he does have plenty of tricks up his sleeve. Problem is, he gets cocky. And he's stubborn. So if the first try doesn't work, you're better off not letting him continue, or he might try to give you something with significant side-effects. Jackass gets so focused he starts thinking of you as a test subject rather than his lover.

Vinnel is a sickness. His whole life is being sick. He's chronic illness incarnate. And therefore, probably the one that is most worried about you deep down. You're getting to a hospital immediately, no matter how mundane the symptoms. You're going, end of discussion. He doesn't show it, but he gets very emotional. He will not separate from you while you're sick, mostly out of past trauma. The jester was abandoned and left to die due to his illness, so you're going to get a lot of reassurance and not understand why.

Sybastian doesn't know what to do. At all. When he gets sick, he usually sleeps through it, so he's adamant that you get a lot of rest. Even if he has to hold you in his arms and keep you still so you don't try to wander off. Rest. After that, he's going to bother people who actually know what to do with a sick human. Probably scares the ever living shit out of some poor pharmacist... He's trying. Says one or two words and expects them to understand what he means.

Nebul, who has trained many a human before, is np stranger to the common sicknesses, and he's definitely one rigorous monster that can get you back on your feet in no time. Thing is, you're gonna follow his orders down to a T. Otherwise, you'll get punishment immediately after you're healed. You're constantly being surveillanced, even while he works. Purpur will be there to act as a splendid nurse and get you all the stuff you need. If Purpur is busy, another weirdass pet will be there to keep an eye, or several, on you.

If your partner happens to be Fank-e, please for the love of God, call a doctor and make them have a long talk with the robot. Otherwise, he's going to give you Monster drinks and put stickers on the boo-boos, generally make you sicker than you already are. He's already a hazard towards a normal person's health, stay away from the robot when you're sick please.

Ludwig mostly just helps you stay calm and content. He knows humans don't experience sickness the same way demons do, but some part of him still expects you to start fucking breaking shit and screaming bloody murder in frustration like your average wrathful folk. So he'll treat it as if you're in need of a really relaxing vacation, which is funny but still largely appreciated. Due to this irrational assumption that you'll get livid out of nowhere, Lud doesn't let other people near you too much.

Being Krulu's vessel implies that you are unaffected by most illnesses. If you ever do manage to fall sick, it's a very bad sign for you and an indicator that Krulu has weakened significantly. Be worried, mostly about them. Krulu's health is imperative to your own survival. Speak to him and gain information on how you can heal yourselves. Do not let anyone see you while you are vulnerable. There are vultures everywhere, the scent of a wounded god is like blood among sharks.

#Krulu oc #Bregory #Fasma oc #Morell oc #Vinnel oc #Gallon oc #Nebul oc #Ludwig oc #Patches oc #Fank-e oc #Santi oc #Grimbly oc #Sybastian oc

[unwelcome-ozian]

i think my partner is starting to hate me. because im too traumatized or something. my symptoms are constantly showing. im too needy and paranoid and scared of abandonment. im too clingy. im too much. it feels like every single thing i say annoys them. today they kept rolling their eyes at me and got mad because i wasn't talking enough. i feel so helpless. im trying to be better. i go to therapy every week and do everything i can to be fucking normal but it's like no matter how hard i try it always ends up the same. i don't know what to do.

If you feel comfortable and safe I encourage you to talk with your partner. I would talk with them about how their eye rolling makes you feel and how you want to respond to those feelings. Ask them their thoughts and what their perspective is. Let them know what you need.

Also, be what is ‘normal’ for you. Part of healing is working through things and sorting out what is normal for you and your wellbeing. 

It’s alright to feel what you’re feeling. Those are all symptoms of trauma and take a lot of time to heal and work through.

You can only do your part. Make yourself and your healing a priority. 

Take Care,

Oz

#answers to questions #relationships #advice

[traumatizeddfox]

hi fox. im going through it rn. this month is a big trauma month for us but on top of that i think my partner is starting to hate me. because im too traumatized or something. my symptoms are constantly showing. im too needy and paranoid and scared of abandonment. im too clingy. im too much. it feels like every single thing i say annoys them. today they kept rolling their eyes at me and got mad because i wasn't talking enough. i feel so helpless. im trying to be better. i go to therapy every week and do everything i can to be fucking normal but it's like no matter how hard i try it always ends up the same. i don't know what to do.

if i were you, i would tell your partner that when they roll their eyes at you, it hurts you. if they arent aware, people let them know youre struggling. If they either respond terribly, or just being a dick, i would def rethink of the relationship, its not healthy

#anon

[qumiiiquinnquin]

feeling empty. like theres a large missing gap in my stomach

constant feeling like i will cry but nothing happens 

back to hardly eating and drinking after a few days of eating a lot

feeling sick and like ill throw up in the morning

struggle to stand up or leave my room or get out of bed

past week or two when i hold a 🔪 i come very close to cvtting my wrists and committing

believing im hated by everyone everywhere so i hardly talk to anyone

believing every single thing is my fault

believing im annoying everyone by talking freely so starting to force myself to talk only when im directly addressed and only saying what they want to hear

both windows have been closed and locked the last three or so nights due to fear of a break-in and abduction or being four letter r worded

believing i was born only for others desires

believing i deserve to be four letter r worded

dont think ive suffered enough to deserve feeling like this

know that others have it worse so i try to force myself into the mindset that my life was and is completely fine and im faking having trauma and being depressed

thought about chking myself the other day

little things make me want to breakdown or scream

lying to everyone and saying im ok and everything is ok. forcing myself to bottle everything and put on a smile

doing nothing the past few weeks and wasting the days away 

medication is not working

back to family being frustrated at me when i display symptoms of mental illness and not being afraid to show it

feeling only days away from trying again after my last attempt almost 2 years ago

#vent #tw r@pe #tw child trauma #only notable thing ive done was clean a part of my room today #and finally showered and put a clean pillowcase on my pillow yesterday #besides that. ive just been. drowning #tw sui ideation #tw sui attempt

[spicypopcornfromhell]

Oh look a vent post

Tw for suicide, suicide attempts self harm abusive household, cynicism, depressive behaviour and more, dysphoria being the new addition.

If you press read more and i ruined your day its on you, you have been fucking warned

Ik i shouldn't but i have nowhere else to throw these thoughts and unfortunately ill put it here

Final fucking warning if you struggle with depression or anything above DONT FUCKING INTERACT WITH THIS.

Dont. Its for your own saftey

I dont know how much longer i can keep up the façade between the memes and the horny posts, the only thing that gives me any reason to live is a future i might never have. A future ruined by greedy old men in suits.

Im trans now but everytime i turn off my phone i see the same old cis dude with stubble bc shaving is getting tedious. I keep doing this why? Why do i do this ehy cant i just FEEL like a women i know im trans but everytime i look in a fucking mirror i feel shit. I sometimes wish the pills worked, i took too little.

Fucking im 18 and yet i get treated like a child in real life. The bad way aswell. Peaple irl tell me i talk too much and i should just shut up. Idk even know if im autistic "enough"to get treatment. Ik for a fact i have adhd but online tests are telling me fuckoll. Tho multiple peaple irl tell me im def adhd, i have so so so much symptoms of autism. I blend in with some autistic peaple but i feel fake. I dont feel like me anymore im just some fucked up husk smiling at peaple bc i cant fucking reveal to peaple how i feel irl. The internet is my safe blanket. No one knows me here. I can be WHAT i want to be but when i close this phone and I look in the mirror im just dude. Short hair testosterone chubby cant pick up shit. Im too fucked to be a women or a man. I can be neather. Mabye if i die i dont have to feel like anything but im too scared to try. Ive been trying to get better and im clean since the 18 of dec 2023. I hate myself. I wish i was some cis women instead. But life wants to watch me longingly stare at models online, wishing i could be them.

Having a cis person assume bc i talk to women i wanna fuxk her is so so fuxked up im so tired of it. Having a dad who loves me yet fucks me around emotionally tell me "I MUST HAVE KIDS" like i dont work with kids i just cant it pisses me off indont lilke kids.

5 fuxkinng weaks im botteling this up 5 fucking weaks i cant look in a mirror. Those nudes, were the closest i get to be a women, not even hrt is gonna save me at this point.

Rubbing salt into my scars and jerking off is the few hits of dopamine that still works. And some friends but noone irl reallly cares abt me, im the disposable vape in human form. One hit of dopamine and contentment is suddenly a joke. 6 peaple make the mistake of sticking with me. Alot of peaple online too. They and a few peaple are the only tether i have rn.

The housing markets gone to hell and i dont have MARKETABLE skills i can voice act sure but ai will fuck me over there. I can be annoying. Ads do my job better. I cannot draw art and i get like just above fail for everything. I cant do sports i cant motivate myself bc some teacher thinks traumatised children can learn, well fuck you mister S yelling at a kid who had writing issues isnt the way to teaxh i child. I fuxkign ger nauseous everytime i see complcated math equations. Its better now but like 7 years later. So any "self proclamed business" work wont save me

My current ccountry has a 55% unemployment rate and im going to a conservative town in canada. Tho i hope things are better there i so so hope mabye a new country might kinda help

Goinng back to my inescapable family problems im essentially the fucking mule. I poar drinks and i wash the dishes and most of the family's clothes. I bring the cigarettes and i (often) mow the lawn. I have to do the "manly" tasks bc wowie i have a dick and corse voice. I bairly get thanked aswell. Only thanks i got was being the emotional punching bag. Yk why else have a sun. Bc who else do you take the anger out on. Fucking get told i do good work the one day then i get belittled the next. The fuck am i supposed to feel anymore.

I want to relive a different childhood, i want to be a kid again, but with a fresh start. But i cant. God knows how i deel with all this. But i have friends that would be sad to see me go. But im a burden and a cancer and the only way to get rid of cancer is to cut it off tho i wont do that rn. I cant. I just cant. Want to but i cant.

Ill add latwr or nah idk. But i dont know

Sorry if you read this

[tears-of-boredom]

the quiet air sounds so beautiful to me. just. having my window open and letting the silence of the air into my room. that makes me so happy sometimes. its very comforting. i think ive said this before, but to me, there is a huge difference in a "natural" silence and an "enforced" one. enforced basically means like, a room that is made to be quiet. or just like,,... like you know... when someone actually makes an effort to make a place quiet. be it with noise cancelling headphones, or sound proofing, or anything like that. basically just a quiet place where the air lays still. that is very suffocating to me. natural is just. there's no one around to make noise. or like,,.... like if im in a library with a bunch of people, and its obviously quiet yeah, that is enforced. it doesnt need to be inside, it can be just like a park full of people who arent making noise, that is enforced. but if they are all sleeping, it becomes a natural silence. but I have to know that they are sleeping for it to really take effect. if people are taking steps to uphold the silence, it isnt natural. but times like these, at 1 am and away enough from the heart of the city, its a natural silence when I open my window. the cold air moving around kind of gives me a confirmation of that. and yeah its not actually silent. i can hear cars driving on the big road near here, I can hear a couple birds, the wind makes a wooshing sound, I have music playing, my cat is snoring. but its just this like,,,,.... like every sound is removed from me. the cars arent too noticable even and often blend into the wind, the birds, they're just a fact of nature, and everything else i can control. i can turn the music off, which ill actually do cuz its giving me a headache, and if my cat gets too loud, i can wake them up and encourage them to leave my room. i wont hear their sounds from that far.....the more i explain this the less logic i can make up to explain it. I think its just the wind tbh, i like hearing it and feeling it. and I like the night-time because the house is quiet and practically empty. no ones gonna be there if I go to the kitchen. except maybe the cats.

you know I dont think it was the music that was giving me a headache. i think its just because of the whole "not eating" thing, combined with just being tired. or, the fun thing about humans is that this could just be because of stress. literally stress could be behind like a shit ton of symptoms. all my neck pain. my poor eating habits. my bad sleep quality. literally so much could be waved off with just "its stress". because I dont fucking trust myself to be able to recognise if im stressed or not.

i forgot that this extension cord made noise. god is it annoying. just the sounds of the like, electricity probably, bubbling and crackling like an old computer. this cord isnt old. its just like this for some reason. or maybe this is the autistic thing people talk about like hearing very quiet sounds. and boy isnt it funny that the people more likely to get overwhelmed by sounds, hear more of them. god maybe its that fucking extension cord thats giving me headaches. or maybe its the cold air im letting in. funny how there are so many possible causations that its basically pointless to try and stop it even.

i know its the hunger and lack of sleep. im just hypothesizing to pass the time.

#tearful stuff

[mgsdelta]

im really annoyed with people trying to tell me that im not leftist enough because im moving out of texas when i should be staying and fighting. i cant. i dont know what to tell you but like i literally cannot go outside without fearing for my life. im mentally ill with symptoms that have been WAAAY aggravated by this shit. im physically disabled. how the fuck am i supposed to fight

i have to be in a place where i can feel safe before i can put up a fight that would mean fucking anything. right now i hardly leave my apartment. im not doing anything of use i cant bring myself to go out and protest i cant even stand for that long. why would i be shamed for taking care of myself. you think i dont know that theres other people that cant leave? you think i dont want to help them? thats such bullshit. you should know that as soon as im in a place where i can get out of bed in the morning and go outside without fearing being attacked that i will be doing everything i can to assist those that are still trapped. fuck you for thinking less of me for doing something thatll prevent me from fucking killing myself. you dont know me you dont know what im thinking or feeling and you dont know my plans. me leaving the state that i was born in and grew up in for the entire 23 years of my life isnt some pleasant getaway i have to do this or i will fucking die. it fucking sucks. this is my HOME. i dont want to leave it any more than people dont want to stay.

so if you wanna tell me im a piece of shit for leaving then i really dont know what to tel you. im so fucking tired of hearing this shit. i have to be able to take care of myself before i can take care of other people. i have to keep telling myself that because i see videos and posts and shit saying otherwise. you think i wont fucking fight?? i WILL. but i have to not be on the verge of death first. you want the fight to go somewhere right? you want it to be productive? well thats how that happens. your fighters have to be able. and i am not. i understand that i’m lucky to be able to move (im not even able yet, we have to get more money together and like i said im disabled and cant work so its my gf and best friend scraping by while im the homemaker), and i dont disagree. i know there are people that dont have that option. and i want to be able to be there for them. but if i cant even take care of myself what am i supposed to do for others?

this is the first time ive made such a big decision to uproot my entire life leave my entire family and go to an entirely new locale. i only know one singular person there. i wouldnt do this if i didnt have to. but even before all of this legislation and shit i shouldve done this forever ago for my mental state. this has been a long time coming this is just the straw that broke the camels back. and im tired of being told that for once im taking action in bettering my life and im a piece of shit for it. its just ableism wrapped up in some shiny new ribbon. its not like im an ablebodied fuckin neurotypical queer person moving because the new laws are “icky.” this is some shit that has me thinking abt being checked in to a facility but i dont even feel safe doing that because theyll have records of me. there is so much more to consider on the individual basis that people dont consider when thwyre putting out posts saying like “no lol stay and fight!!!” like I CANT. if you can, then GOOD and we NEED MORE LIKE YOU. but i am not one of those, as badly as i fucking wish i could be. i wish i could be.

#слова-паразиты

[callmeyoungdoctor]

Today I’m choosing one step at the time. After such a beautiful day outside my city, away from everyone and everything I came back and what I found in ✨home✨ was a lot of noise and unnecessary comments, so I did what I needed to do to prepare myself for a nice sleep but I couldn’t.

I gave myself permission to cry a little bit and then fell asleep. Today my brain has these wild thoughts about everything and everyone so, let me put out here what im thinking, probably it’ll go away.

1. Can’t wait to be on vacation

2. Both of my parents have covid but my mom has this annoying attitude of I won’t isolate and shit (like, luckily you got it in a moment when we know more about it, you got 3 vaccines, and strain isn’t as lethal as the other ones, you can treat your symptoms like a common flu and you’re young and healthy enough to deal with it)

3. The people that I work with:

A. The girl has been through a lot of shit when she was younger and has the personality ✨trait✨ of dealing with everyone’s bullshit, like if I was one of her siblings. She talks shit about what she doesn’t know and she can be absolutely irrational with her words and actions. I try to be nice to her, but I don’t give her any type of info cuz … idk you don’t need to be friends with all of your workgroup. Just get the shit done, be kind and leave.

B. The guy is an arrogant piece of human being. He’s a junior doc and doesn’t allow himself to ask for help when it’s needed and so most of his duties have to rechecked. He definitely doesn’t know how the teamwork works. His very first week of training he said he knew how to do everything perfectly fine … I waS genuinely surprised bc when I said that first time it was around my 5th month working there. Yet there I was during the weekend correcting him stuff so he does them again and we don’t get in trouble.

4. Saw this tiktok about “who you are today is the person you wanted to be around so it could protect you from the things that happened to you” or so. And this unfortunately opened the box of the memories I didn’t want to remember and spent most of my weekend thinking about the past and shit. But must say, I’m so proud of who I am today.

5. My man is coming to visit me for a few weeks and just when I thought I had a nice study schedule, I was always productive, even working out and shit. Now I have to physically include him in my daily basis which YES I love him so much and I’m so happy he’s coming but if you know you know that’s all I’m gonna say. I love him.

6. New projects are coming soon and I’m really excited and anxious and excited. Yet my brain hurts thinking that I’m not worth of the things I’m achieving and that everything is a lie so I don’t show I am a failure. Too good to be true. But I’m also proud of myself!?!?!?!?!??

Okay time to work

#declutter #spit it out #a brand new day #just get through the day

[ivyquinzel]

.

#The time is five o one am and i am once again worrying that i am not actually autistic but a fucking liar #this is absolutely ridiculous. i have a diagnosis. I've gone through my symptoms. i am autistic. #but am i autistic or do i just want to be special and have attention? #this is also a ridiculous thought. i have anxiety and adhd. thats already way too for me. i hate attention. #i have tried for years to be normal. why would i actively seek out the opposite. #but am I actually autistic enough to be autistic? #i have almost every symptom and it looks different in every person but there is at one common one i expirence less than a lot of people #and apparently thats reason to doubt and hate myself despite thinking anyone else with this exact same problem deserves love and support #and of course I cant talk to my mom or therapist about this because what if they think im grabbing for attention #and on that note what if i am? #is me starting to do more things that are autistic behavior me unmasking finally or me trying to be autistic #is my previous lack of some things because i was super scared and hiding it? yes but like what if it wasn't #it doesn't help that youre supposed to get diagnosed young and i didnt until i was fourteen #and now im fifteen and have done so much research on it and like thats me and i want to be happy i finally know why im fucked up #but what if im lyyyyiiiinnnngggg #but why would i do that? i know i keep asking questions and trying to talk about it and i think it annoys my mom #shes super nice and supportive but now im too scared to annoy her #and now im trying to figure lut how much of my life has been me forcing myself not to do things that people will make fun of me for #or things teachers or other people wouldnt/wont let me do because i should be able to do it? #and why the fuck is everything so ableist. this is a completely different complaint that comes from anxiety and adhd too #wht dont i have the right to function without panicking. why cant i do things that help me focus that dont distract anybody else #literally what harm am i doing #anyways now im stressed like usual so i will practice my daily excersize of zoning out to the fiction land of my choice #and pretending that im one of my ocs that i know better than myself and forgetting everything is horrible for a few hours #then ill probably have to realize its not real again and start crying but its better than just crying without the reality break #its a better coping mechanism than my last one and i actually enjoy doing it whwn im not stressed as well #because i usually domt start crying then #that being said im rarely not stressed #tumblr is a motherfucker and took the word special out of an earlier tag. adhd and anxiety are way too special for me is what i meant #anyways have a good night or day or whatever the fuck it is for you sorry for venting and being annoying

[killemwithkawaii]

Sometimes an unpleasant thought or memory pops up in my mind and there's nothing I can do about it but wait for it to pass. It's like nausea.

I've even had to pause what I was doing so it doesn't get ruined by that sudden unpleasantness... 😒

[CW under the cut: discussion of mental illness including delusions, intrusive thoughts, depression, negative self talk and anxiety (Also Kewk overshares but what else is new lol )]

I'm sorry Meadow, I know intrusive thoughts can be really fucking tough to deal with.... I usually try to find a pleasant distraction to hyperfocus on (drawing or writing are my go-to, but rewatching comfort media helps a lot, too) orI at least try to find a stim that will hold my attention long enough to interrupt that repetitive thought process for a minute, but there are times when that doesn't cut it, either.

A tactic I'd highly recommend (bc im a selfshipper duh lol) is taking some time to talk with your f/o about it. I think it's an excellent way to take a pause, self-soothe, engage in some self-reflection, and find some comfort in your fav all at once! Your f/o won't judge you for your intrusive thoughts/delusions/etc. or how you react to them, they are always there when you need someone to listen, they will never get sick of comforting you or hearing about the same thing over and over again, and they can offer you insights/ideas/solutions that you wouldn't come to on your own because, by speaking with your f/o, you're thinking about things through a very different perspective.

This is all important to me personally because my persistent and very repetitive delusions/phobias/anxieties/etc. can admittedly sound downright silly to someone whos thinking rationally. But, reminding myself of how ridiculous I'm being all the time doesn't help! It just makes me feel more afraid AND stupid for being so afraid, which piles self-loathing onto my already fragile mental state and makes everything get worse. 😔

What DOES help get me out of that spiral is telling my f/o how im honestly feeling, him sympathizing with me and telling me that I'm not 'stupid' (or annoying or disgusting or evil or worthless or any other awful thing I might falsely believe about myself because of my mental illnesses and the symptoms that come with them), while at the same time reassuring me that my feelings are legitimate, but my delusions, phobias and anxieties are, indeed, delusions, phobias and anxieties. But hey, that means that they can be managed with the proper steps! We then discuss what those steps should be, come up with a manageable plan for how to make me feel better right now, and think about how to handle this stuff when it comes up in the future. I can then focus on calming down with some quality fluffy f/o daydream time or other relaxing activity, and chances are I'll be feeling a little bit better (or at least I won't be getting any worse) after all that ^^🩹💘

[Disclaimer: Your f/o is not a replacement for IRL support. Always reach out to a real person for help if you feel like you're in immediate danger!!]

#k.e.w.k. answers #meadow chan #f/o #fictional other #selfship community #selfshipping #tw mental illness #tw delusion #tw negative self talk #having f/os: its free therapy #(not really but it does help lol) #k.e.w.k. selfships #k.e.w.k. x sally

[keilemlucent]

lavender latte: vi

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1   ||   chapter 2  ||   chapter 3   ||  chapter 4   ||   chapter 5   ||  chapter 7  ||

masterlist

word count: 6.8k

finally. god.  

warnings: none really! reader’s foot booted, but that’s about it.

---

well. here we are. thank u to everyone for reading this sweet, sweet story. we’re not through it yet, but i’m happy to offer a meal with this chapter. enjoy lovies. beta’ed by the lovely love @keiqos​. 

||||||||||||||||

You had several problems after returning to your apartment from the hospital. One of your coworkers was nice enough to drive you and your things back, but quickly the niceties stopped and your vague hell began.

Exclusively being on crutches sucked. Navigating your apartment and trying to live somewhat normally was a massive pain. Even just showering was a task that sapped most of your energy. Standing one-legged and balancing made your body ache with a deep soreness, especially the first few days you returned.

This was not even to mention the unpleasant dreams you were having.

‘Unpleasant’ & ‘dreams’ were a nice way of putting it.

You could recall that during your first night in the hospital, one of your doctors told you of the possibility of experiencing a few post-traumatic symptoms. Considering how out of it you were at the time, it was unsurprising how you brushed it off.

The reality was much harder to ignore.

...

Cars revving.

Shouting.

Shattering—

 Your eyes flashed open, chest heaving and brow covered in a fine sheen of sweat. 

Fuck that.

It was the same dream, an obvious recreation of the stimuli of the event. Though it was scattered in your memory, the dreams made it horribly vivid and vibrant despite lacking detail. The sounds and smells of that day clung to you as you shook your head, forcing yourself into wakefulness. 

Your comforter was thrown from your body, and you shivered as cold air rushed over you. As jarred as you were, you still swung your legs off the bed, readjusting your boot and your aching leg, half-heartedly glaring at your crutches.

Your apartment wasn’t terribly set up to get around with your limited mobility, but your difficulty functioning didn’t help your overall mental state. Everything was just harder with the boot on, and you did your best to work with it. 

Being locked up in your apartment added to the hellishness of it. You were so used to the stimuli and social environment of the teashop, it felt like a cold water shock when you were confined to your home entirely alone except for your cats.   

You could, of course, try and venture out into the world. But, it was still winter and the ice-covered sidewalks didn’t seem like the best place to try and crutch around. 

Within the first day or two, you resigned yourself to your three-week fate of being holed up. 

You had a laundry list of things you could do. Shows and movies to watch, places in your house to clean, your cats to pet, but—

You still had far too much time on your hands.

A lot of your newfound time in the first few days was spent on your back, leg propped up, and draped in ice bags, musing over Hawks.

Hawks.

Holy fuck.

You couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t stop it. Just thinking about him made every part of you swirl and thrum like you were listening to some sort of contently-chorded song and you were more than happy to play it on repeat until your ears bled. Maybe that feeling towards Hawks had always been there (it had), but now you accepted it and stopped holding yourself back as much.

You never thought the idea of someone squeezing your shoulder would send you into literal fits of giggles and butterflies, but boy, did it. Not to mention all of the careful touches and gentle words you two had shared in the aftermath of the attack, though the memories were hazy. What you did remember and cherish was the warmth of him, quirk activated or not. Each time you recalled it, your gut fluttered and your hands twitched.

Your ceiling was the most interesting place to look in your apartment. The plain texture was the perfect canvas to allow your memories of the sweet interactions the two of you had shared to play like comforting reruns. The commercial breaks of these daydreams were the texts exchanged between you and Hawks. 

 Keigo couldn’t stop thinking about you either.

It wasn’t as distracting as it once was, as he had been more liberal with letting himself text you. The high number of messages between the two of you was maybe ridiculous, but he was a fast texter and you seemed to have plenty of jokes and banter for him to share in.

As good as the texting was, it was also nice to check-in on you and your recovery. You seemed more annoyed than anything else, but Keigo wasn’t so much of an idiot as to think you weren’t in any pain or struggling at all. Though you didn’t explicitly tell him or show him, he was familiar with the pains of healing and could infer some things about your state. 

Keigo tried to brighten your day as he could. ‘Hawks’ still had plenty of hero work to do, especially with the information extracted from the recently detained syndicate members. Despite this, he took as much time as he could to stop and send you little snippets and messages which hopefully would help you smile a little.

 It did, of course. Just talking to Hawks did.

You had moments of awareness a few times a day where you had to remind yourself that, yes, (Y/N), you were just casual friends and deeply enamored with the number two hero and that sentiment was at least partially returned. 

You had a lot of time to wonder to what extent the feelings were returned. They obviously weren’t entirely one-sided, right? 

It was completely possible that they were, but you did your best to shake off the thought.

It was more likely that notorious bachelor and flirt, pro hero Hawks, just wanted a fuck with some feelings. To fuck with some feelings, right? 

Though, he did say that he cares about you.

But, you definitely can care about someone you only want to fuck.

You wished you had some sort of definitive answer. The murkiness of it all just made the sweetness of the past and the texts of the present seem a bit sour. 

Confessing to Hawks was daunting and terrifying. Not to mention, it felt a bit juvenile, all of it. People weren’t supposed to get melty crushes like this past high school, right? Especially not ones this deep on someone who couldn’t possibly feel the same as you, right?

 During one of these moments of uncomfortable clarity, your phone beeped as you rested on the couch. Despite not even seeing the message, you knew it would be Hawks.

You grabbed your phone, clicking open the newest message. 

 [birdboy]: hey hey angel

[birdboy]: look at this fucker i found

 The image attached was a photo of Hawks standing next to one of his own billboards, advertising some sort of sports drink. The photo had obviously been taken with a timer, the angle of the photo tilted as Hawks and the billboard were quite small in the frame. It added to the charm of the photo, the way Hawks was holding a feather blade to the throat of his own advert. You could even tell through the pixels he was wearing a wide smile as he did so, wings spread behind him

You snorted.

You and Hawks are just friends, you reminded yourself. 

 [you]: looks like a punk bitch 2 me dude

[you]: kinda uncanny resemblance tho

[birdboy]: i agree

[birdboy]: he’s hot tho

 You rolled your eyes, still smiling as you readjusted on the couch. You weren’t disagreeing, not at all. 

 [you]: not wrong

[you]: still, punk bitch

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: feelings = hurt

[birdboy]: please tell me the photo is funny 

[birdboy]: it took like five tries

[you]: very funny, im gonna save it and sell when im short on cash

[birdboy]: my publicist will blacklist u

[you]: i’d like to see them try

[birdboy]: is that a challenge angel????

[you]: a promise

 There was a break in the messages, though Hawks appeared to be typing.

 [birdboy]: unrelated but

[birdboy]: how are you doing?

 You paused, taking stock of your disheveled, sleepy self. You were only a few days out of the hospital and you definitely could’ve been worse off.

 [you]: im okay!!!

[you]: sore and tired honestly

[birdboy]: :^(

[birdboy]: i'm glad to hear its not worse at least

[birdboy]: ill send u lots more embarrassing photos 

[birdboy]: a million angel

[you]: my hero <3

 It all was surreal and mentally impossible to avoid.

You really, really liked Hawks and had for a long while.

             ...

 Keigo spent most of the rest of the day busy with patrols and work for the Commission, much to his chagrin. He hardly got a chance to text you. It reminded him of his reality as a pro, his fast-paced nature and how he truly couldn’t slow down, not at that point anyway. He had a brand and habitual way of being that was standard. Even for you, he wasn’t sure if he could slow down, even if he wanted to or needed to.

The idea scared him, pieces of his reality.

But, at the same time, Keigo hadn’t ever felt like this before. The weird, but incredibly alluring and comfortable heat in his chest made him feel like he’d do anything for you. Fuck, he’d fly to the stars and move them if he could, if that’s what it took. 

Maybe he even wanted to. 

Keigo couldn’t become a different person, for anyone, that’s not how things worked. But if getting closer to you meant... adjusting, he could do that. Easily. He was adaptable as all hell and he’d be glad to use it for something that made him feel good instead of hollow.

Keigo busily flew the day away. As the afternoon turned to night, the sky going pink and purple with dusk, he settled on top of a taller office building. It looked down on a street market, its smells and sounds wafting up to him on his perch.

It gave him an idea.

A good one.

 You were inspecting your fridge with a grimace. Balancing on your crutches and being counter-weighed by the boot on your foot made your angry stance a whole lot less intimidating, but it was the sentiment that counted.

Several days post-hospital had done a number on your food supply. The fridge was empty except for a few nearly expired items and condiments. The dry shelves weren’t looking much better.

The shrill sound of your ringtone from the couch made your jump, nearly falling. You teetered back over to it, eye-widening at the caller ID. 

 [birdboy] calling...

 Hawks had never called you before.

You quickly picked up the call, “...Hello?”

“Hey, angel!” Hawks was chipper on the other line. “What’re you up to?”

“Currently?” You hummed, turning forlornly to your kitchen. “Thinking about how I either need to order groceries or order dinner before committing to my couch for the rest of the night. Why? You don’t usually call.”

“I don’t,” Hawks’s smile was apparent in his voice, even through the receiver. “But, I had an idea.”

“Shoot.”

“I might just be near a super good takeout spot. How hard would it be for me to convince you to let me drop some food by your place? My treat.”

You didn’t reply for a second.

Stunned.

“Are you sure?”

“More than, dove. I’m off the rest of the night, anyways.”

Oh.

That gave you an idea—

An idea that would surely push the envelope of your feelings.

Let it.

“Okay, I’m in. One condition.” You bit your lip, willing your stomach to seize fluttering.

“You name it. This place is really good and—”

“I have been going a little stir crazy, and,” You cut him off, squeezing your eyes shut in anticipation, “how hard would it be to convince you to come over and stay awhile?”

Hawks was silent.

Your stomach dropped.

“Wait, I-I mean—” You stuttered, trying to gather yourself, but this time Hawks cut you off.

“Like, to hang out?” Hawks sounded shocked on the other line. 

“Yes.” 

You kept your breathing even and prayed it didn’t read over the call. 

“God, dove. I’d love to. I can be over in like ten—”

“Wait,” You fisted the fabric of your sweats. “Can I have a little more time? For myself and my apartment.”

Hawks chuckled on the other end of the line, “Sure, angel. Thirty sound better?”

You let out a sigh of relief, falling on to the back of your couch, “Sounds perfect.”

 Keigo decided to tease a bit, his heart pounding in his chest almost painfully. He knew from day one that you were bold, but this was a treat. He had to spare back, just a little.

“Though, dove, I’m sure you look more than perfect yourself. You always do.” He didn’t wait for your response, either out of fear of what you’d say or being a bit smug, he wasn’t sure.

Keigo hung up the call, burying his face in his gloves to try and stifle the blush on his cheeks, though it hardly helped. 

It didn’t have to.

 |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

 Thirty minutes later and you were mostly sorted.

You managed to throw yourself into the shower, tossing on something half-way decent, but still comfortable. Had to keep it casual. 

Crutching around your apartment, you picked up what clutter you could, mind spinning. Hawks coming over to your fucking apartment filled you with elated, and yet terrifying, anxiety. A few times while cleaning, you legitimately paused to muffle quiet screams in your hand at the prospect.

You felt like you were going to burst.

 Keigo did too, notably. 

He took the time to fly all the way back to his apartment, take the world’s fastest shower, and throw on some clothes other than his costume. Going back to get food, his hands shook as he handed the bills to the starry-eyed vendor who he’d just written an autograph for.

You’d sent a quick text just before he’d left with a description of your balcony, so neither of you would have to figure out how to let him in through the roof. 

As he flew to your place, Keigo felt like he was going to implode.

He didn’t ‘hang out’ with people. Nope, far too busy for anything like that. He was a compulsory workaholic, it was part of his mental brand of being (or, mental ‘branding’, maybe). The closest he got to casual time with folks was the preamble before a hookup or the time he had spent at the tea shop with you. Actually going to spend time with someone, casually, and it was you? It was all new and terrifying.

But, above all? Exciting.

The whole situation opened many doors, all of which Keigo pictured and picked apart as he neared your apartment. There were so many potential situations to appraise and plan for, he felt overwhelmed by it all. 

The opportunity to spend some... time with you outside of the tea shop was a necessity, right? Keigo’s original idea had been to drop off some food and banter for a while, but the idea of spending one of his precious nights off with you was so much better than he could’ve expected. 

Not to mention the warm bit of validation sparked by the fact that you asked him to come over, you wanted him around —

It felt nice.

So nice. 

 You paused, hearing telltale scuffing of someone on your balcony. 

Oh my god. 

He’s here.

Hawks is here.

You gulped, shaking your head.

Don’t you dare chicken out now. Commit, dammit. You’re just... hanging out. With your friend.

Yeah.

A knock on the glass pulled you to the door of your balcony, hobbling to slide it open on your crutches. 

Hawks was happy to push the door the rest of the way open, stepping inside with a bag of takeout slung on his arm.

Your mouth parched, seeing him once again in civilian clothing. Was it... normal to get turned on by the fact that he looked normal? 

As Hawks stepped into your humble apartment, wings tucked tightly to his back, you drank him in, hair ruffled with his clear visor placed on top of his head to push back the windswept front pieces. He wore a white sweater and black trousers complete with heavy black boots that were quickly untied and left by the door.

“You’re staring, you know,” Hawks interrupted your thoughts as you straightened up on your crutches.

Recover.

“Can’t prove that,” You tutted, crutching away from the door. “Also, welcome. Watch out for my cats, they might try to get a mouthful of your feathers.”

“Duly noted,” Hawks clicked his tongue, standing up and following you as you meander to the kitchen. 

 Keigo had to admit that your apartment was relatively... cute. He was used to his own, seldom-used digs. He had a big, uncomfortably nice penthouse with too many disused rooms and too much open space. Fixtures and furniture that were too expensive, probably, but it had been far easier to hire some big-name interior designer and not bother with dealing with it himself. Keigo had trouble keeping many ‘personal’ possessions, anyways. His training with the Commission made him almost revile the thought of keeping unnecessary, material objects, sans a few. 

Your home was the exact opposite. 

Maybe it was that he didn’t know how to have a personal touch that it made your cozy little apartment feel so full of them.

Little photos and artworks on walls or in frames caught Keigo’s eyes as he followed you to the kitchen. He took note of several blankets on the couch, catching sight of the plushie he’d given you at the hospital. Even the lighting of the apartment was personal, diffuse. With how easily overstimulated you became, it made sense that you’d keep your apartment so ambiently dim.

“So, first off, thank you for coming by and delivering dinner. I am eternally grateful,” You bowed dramatically, leaning to flail out a crutch at the motion. “Second, as payment, I’ll make you a drink. Maybe not with my quirk, but I have some of my old tea blends here.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Keigo shrugged, setting the takeout down on the counter while his ever-present grin nearly hurt his face from how relentless it was. “And tea? Show me what you’ve got. Or, should I trust you to pick one out for me?”

You hummed, clicking your tongue before moving across the kitchen to a different set of cabinets, “I think I’ve actually got a good one for you. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Lay on the details, angel,” Keigo hummed, leaning against the lip of the counter. 

 You did have the perfect blend in mind. It wasn’t too old, hardly stale. It would pair as well as a nice tea could with fried takeout, judging by the smells wafting from the bag on the counter.

“It’s one I made for a brunch we catered a few months back. It’s just a white tea raspberry blend, but it’s not delicate. It should stand up to any sort of food you’ve brought. Thank you, by the way.” 

Setting your crutches down, you started to push yourself up onto the counter without thinking much of it, booted-foot going limp off the edge. 

“Of course, anytime— woah, angel,” His voice choked as you wavered on the edge of the counter, off-balance. 

There was a short flap of wings and rush of air as you tried to rebalance, cursing the deadweight of your leg. 

If Hawks hadn’t been directly behind you, you probably would’ve eaten shit.

You turned yourself as far as you could, cheeks going hot.

Hawks’ face was just inches away from yours. That was even to mention the hands hovering around your waist, chest brushing up against your back. 

“S-sorry,” Did he just fucking stutter? “You looked like you were about to eat shit there.”

The words hardly reach you, you were too busy actively telling yourself not to stare at his pretty, plump lips because that is not something friends do. Not the can of worms you needed to open, right?

“I-,” You turned away from him, stretching up to the tea tin that had been out of your reach. “To think you’ve saved me from falling while reaching for loose leaf tea, twice.”

“All in a day's work,” His hands twitched around your sides but hardly shifted until you began to descend from the countertop. In fact, Hawks hardly moved away at all until you were situated back on your crutches.

You pretended not to notice the flush on his cheeks.

Maybe, it was a bit too close. Definitely too close, and bad circumstances, but god, you wanted more and more of him. 

You swallowed your desires down, cracking a smile. 

Be normal.

Be cool!

You shook the tin, leaves and dried fruit rattling inside, “So, cream or sugar?”

 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

 The two of you ended up on the couch, picking through the several boxes of takeout that Hawks had brought. Most of dinner was spent bantering back and forth about one of Hawks’ newest modeling contracts and if it was ‘ethical’ for him to wear his own feathers for the sake of ‘fashion’?

“So, off-topic from insulting my employment ethics, ” Hawks spoke while munching on a piece of chicken. “You surviving?”

“Barely,” You laughed, setting down your utensils with a huff. “I forget how isolation makes you go a little crazy. I’m running out of dumb shit to watch and even dumber shit to send you.”

Hawks snorted, setting down his own box, having had his fill, “I know you are more than adept at combing the internet for more good shit to send me.”

“I mean, maybe, but you keep sending me juicy photos of you being a dumbass. They’re hard to show up, you know?” You side-eyed him at the birdish tilt of his head.

“You don’t need to show me up, angel,” Hawks reminded you, some feathers packing up what was left of the food. “Though, it’s fun. You’re fun.”

You internally winced at the sentiment but forced the smile on your face not to waver.

It was a needed reminder.

This close to Hawks, you could fucking smell him. Maybe it was a little creepy, but you remembered it so well, after the villain attack. The scent of some sort of spicy cologne and old sweat, but it was hardly unpleasant. No, it was intoxicating. It made you feel almost fuzzy, as it wafted around like some reminder that Hawks and you were so close. 

You thanked the stars that the apartment lacked the stimuli to make your quirk activate on its own. 

Your couch wasn’t very large, and it seemed even smaller with how Hawks had laid his wings over it. They were propped up over the back, outstretched just the smallest bit to relieve some pressure. All the same, the massive feathers made you feel minuscule.

Even the way he was sitting was intoxicating and a bit gut-wrenching. It was casual, the way he leaned back against the far cushions, legs somewhat spread with an ankle over the opposite knee. The pose oozed a weird, untouchable confidence that you hadn’t seen in Hawks in months, maybe ever. At least, not directed at you.

Despite the warm nature of his words, he seemed guarded.

It made your throat dry.

 Keigo was quite on edge. He hadn’t meant to get so close in the kitchen, really, he hadn’t. But, seeing you dangling off the edge of the counter like that, even if it was harmless and mundane, made his entire body and mind react before he could think.

But, you weren’t in any danger. Even if you had been, Keigo would’ve been there to catch you. 

He’d put himself out of it, overthinking the whole thing. You were fine. Safe. 

The other part of his mind spun with how he wanted to be so much closer.

Feeling the warmth of your body, the lines of your waist, the thrum of your heart and breath so fucking close—

It was a lot.

But, he was well-trained and not going to choke. 

He’d shoved himself to the opposite side of the couch to you, keeping his boundaries up, strong as steel and hard as carbon. 

Of course, Keigo knew the feelings were mutual. That didn’t mean that none of this was terrifying in the same way that it was exhilarating. 

As much as he wanted to be closer (so much closer), Keigo remained careful. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was ruin something before it had even truly happened. 

 You sat back against the couch, repositioning your injured leg on the coffee table, “So, thoughts.”

“On?”

You didn’t look at Keigo as you replied, rather glared at your TV, “What to watch?”

“Oh,” You could hear the smile in his voice. “We’re watching something?”

“You tell me. I imagine you don’t get lots of time to do this sort of thing, do you?” 

Hawks didn’t reply for a moment, sitting deeper into the couch, “Not really.”

“Then indulge, tailfeathers,” You tossed the remote in his lap. “Anything, go for it. Go nuts.”

Hawks nearly put on watching a reality cooking show, before you said that that was off-limits, per an odd conversation from way back when where he had admitted to be hot for Gordon Ramsey. He had been a little too vague as to whether or not he would pop a boner from Gordon’s filmed degradations. And truthfully, if anything was gonna give Hawks a hard-on tonight, you were determined for it not to be competitive cooking TV. Maybe, just maybe, you’d rather it be you.

...

Eventually, he settled on some psychological thriller you’d never heard of.

 Keigo hadn’t either. 

He was glad that you couldn’t hear his heart in the same way he heard your’s pounding.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched you crutch around, turning the already dim lights lower.

Calm the down, Hawks. 

Calm the fuck down.

He’d never even done this before. Keigo wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, even if it was as simple as watching a film.

It would’ve been simpler if the tension in the air was thick and foggy, clouding over his consciousness as he tried to focus on anything other than your nearness and how much he wanted to drag you into his lap. 

 …

 His feathers fluttered as you plopped back onto the couch, pulling a blanket over your lap and offering one to him.

He took it, settling it over his lap as the movie went on.

 You weren’t an idiot. You could feel the blood rushing in your hot ears as you fisted the blanket over your legs. 

Your mind spoke a lot louder than you wanted it to:

Just fucking do it.

 Do what exactly?

 The paramount thought that was causing anxiety to twirl in your gut.

Maybe, you could just tell him how you felt.

Maybe just hold his hand.

Maybe get fucking rejected because he’s out of your league and out of bounds.

Maybe even kiss him—

 You were torturing yourself, the movie just background noise to your internal dilemma.

You’d asked him to your apartment and Hawks had bought you fucking dinner. That wasn’t a lot, sure, maybe, but there were also the months of lead-up. 

There were all of the cold mornings and cheeky grins you gave each other in the waking coffee shop. There were the fuzzy jokes, the lingering glances, and the tight feeling you got in your chest whenever he graced you with mere eye contact.

It felt like you were already in too deep to not be honest about how you felt towards him. Fuck, you’d been in too deep for months. Every time you made him a damn drink, you wanted to just drink him in. You were all fluttering hearts and sweet smiles for him in a way that you couldn’t suppress, only squash in moments of such intense anxiety like this—

“Hey, dove?” It was Hawks, shocking you from your turmoil with a soft voice. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I’m good.” Your reply was curt and clipped. 

Make a decision now.

Pull the bandage off, (Y/N). 

It’ll just be worse, the longer you wait.

Maybe Hawks did just want to fuck with some cute feelings, the seemingly longing looks be damned. Yeah, you liked him way more than for just a fuck, that was obvious and unavoidable. Besides, it’d be better to know than to not know, right?

 “You sure? If the movie’s too much, we can turn it off,” Hawks sounded genuinely concerned from the other side of the couch.

...

You committed, taking a deep breath and turning to Hawks. 

 “It’s not that,” You looked at the couch between the two of you, tracing the seam of the cushion. “The movie’s fine.”

“Then, you’re not feeling great for another reason?” Keigo asked, feeling each of your breaths and heartbeats like bass drums in his ears. He hides the shaking of his hands by crossing them over his chest. “You can talk to me, (Y/N).”

“Can I?” You asked, shaking your head and laughing at yourself. “Hawks, I need to do something really fucking stupid.”

Holy fuck.

Are they—

“What’s that?” 

His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be.

 “Fuck, Hawks,” You finally forced yourself to look at him, taking in his guarded posture and pained expression. 

Your heart sank.

“I just need to be honest with you.”

Hawks’s brow soured, lips twitching, “Go for it, dove.”

You laughed, maybe trying to soothe yourself, “It’s probably is just, so fucking stupid, all things considered.”

You ran a hand through your hair, biting your lip between sentences and willing yourself to just get it out—

 “Hawks, I like you. A lot.”

 He still didn’t say anything and you could feel shards of your heart drive into your lungs.

You forced yourself to look up at him, smiling with the slight release of tension in your sternum, however painful. 

“I know, we’re just friends, right? I’m just the barista and you’re my special, pro hero regular. I know I’m overstepping right now, but it feels unfair for me to not be honest with you.”

 Keigo already knew this, right? He knew how you felt, fuck, he’d felt how you felt. He just wasn’t prepared for the exploding and thrumming in his chest when you told him with your sweet lips and kind words.

Why did it feel so different when you were smiling at him like you were in pain and telling him so fucking honestly with your words?

It was the thing about you that he admired the most, that candor in your tone and the grin in your cheeks as you spoke so.

But, your smile was falling, leaving watery-looking eyes. 

“Hawks, I like you. Way too much for friends, and I needed to say something.” 

Keigo’s mouth was dry.

For the first time in so fucking long, he was genuinely speechless.

He couldn’t recall a time in his life anyone had spoken so earnestly to him, just you. Just you, you, you— casually, over and over again, you talked to him like he was something real and something to be cared for. It was subtle, but it was one of the many things that made him want you closer. 

Yet, despite all his bundled up desires, he was lost for words.

“I’m sorry—”

He stopped you, “(Y/N), please don’t apologize.”

“But—” 

“(Y/N).”

 Hawks’ voice was sharp. It made the expression on your face rapidly fall.

He looked at you with rapt attention, arms uncrossing from his chest.

He turned to you on the couch, feathers fluffed up and twitching.

Your nose stung as Hawks, all pretty golds and ambers, shook out an exhale and balled up the blanket in his lap.

“Hawks—”

“Why would you need to be sorry?”

Hawks looked at you with wide eyes, brow creased. His shoulders were... shaking?

Your head spun, leg aching, “... What do you mean?”

Hawks finally met your gaze, giving you the sweetest, saddest smile you’d ever seen, “Dove, you’re acting like there’s no way I could feel the same way.”

Every cell in your body stuttered.

“You’ve done it since we’ve met.”

Hawks scooted closer on the cushions of the couch.

“You’ve always acted like there’s just no way I could like you, give a shit about you—”

He moved a bit closer.

You couldn’t make yourself move.

“You want to know the truth?”

You creaked out a nod.

 Keigo couldn’t help the way he went to cup your cheeks in his hands, thumbs rubbing along the apples of your cheeks. You lean into his touch, just like at the hospital, despite the blend of absolute fear and confusion in your expression.

“How could I not care about you, dove?” And it finally came out. “I care about so much— dove, I don’t know what to fucking say.”

That made you speechless, lips parting just the slightest bit as Hawks continued, losing composure with his morphing expressions. 

He wet his lips, swallowing, “Dove, I’ve never—any of this. I-I don’t know what o-or how to say any of what I want to right now.”

You speak before thinking.

“Show me, if you don’t know how to say it.”

 The idea seemed so novel as Keigo ran a thumb over your bottom lip, pulling it from between your teeth. He met your gaze with the gooiest, sweetest look you’d ever seen in your life, “You want me to?”

“Please.”

It was all the two of you had wanted for a while now, right?

“If I kiss you, I’m not ever gonna be able to make this go away, am I?” Keigo was speaking to himself, just above his breath. But, you were more than close enough to hear him. 

“Hey, Hawks? I don’t know if we can make ‘this’ try to go away.” You grabbed one of the hands cupping your face, pulling it away, only to shakily press in your lips to the bones on the back of it. “I don’t want to anymore.”

“Y-you gotta stop being so sweet, (Y/N)—”

Neither of you could wait a moment longer.

Your arms wrapped around Keigo’s shoulder. In the same motions, he pulled you closer by your waist, dragging you finally closer to him.

He held your jaw like you were the most precious thing in the world. Because, truthfully, you were to him. The sentiment was shared Deeply. 

Your lips pressed together and the long-held tensions in your chests mutually shattered, dissolving in the honeyed touch of each other’s genuine attention. 

You angled your head perfectly, Keigo’s hand guiding you as his mouth worked against yours. It wasn’t a particularly steamy sort of affair, but by god, it wasn’t in any way chaste. Not with the tight grip and thumbing on your ribs. Not with the way your hands tangled in the soft (holy fuck, soft) hair at the base of Keigo’s skull. 

You both tasted each other's sweetness, craving more of it after denying yourselves of it for so long. It was white-hot, exploding behind your eyes, even as your quirk remained dormant. Keigo was honey and cream and smoked spices all dancing across your palette.

To Keigo? You were sweet, cool water over a hot burn. You were the heat of a hearth rolling over him on the coldest of days. He swears that in the first moments he finally got to be close to you, and over and over again— he finally understood how your quirk worked.

There was no way that finally feeling you, feeling you as he felt you, could be described with just five senses.

You pulled away first, gasping for breath and arching your back into him. You lingered as close as you could, pressing your forehead to Keigo’s while your breaths mingled. You didn’t dare stray far.

“Was that enough to show you?” Keigo asked, breathless. He kept a wide hand against your back, urging you with a bit of soft pressure to put your weight into it. You complied, settling in his hold as Keigo stroked at your hot cheeks.

You nodded, beaming up at him with that sunny smile of yours. It never failed to make heat burn through Keigo and god, did it feel good to finally let it unabashed.

“I take it, you like me too, huh,” You smiled, looking a bit embarrassed. 

“Very much, very much,” Keigo repeated, pressing a kiss to your nose (he’d always wanted to do that). “So much, (Y/N). I apologize for not saying anything sooner. This is just...”

“New to you, right?” You finished his sentence, thumbing along the back of his neck in a way that made Keigo just melt. “It’s been a while for me too, if it makes you feel better.”

“It does, dove. Thank you.” Keigo let out a deep breath, shaking his head against yours. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

 “It’s alright, same goes for me,” As much as you needed to adjust due to the angle of your recovering leg, you couldn’t make yourself do it. You were so wonderfully close to Hawks, you never wanted to move. 

“If we’re being honest, then I need to be honest with you,” Hawks met your eyes, his expression going a little dimmer. 

You braced for the worst. 

He picked up your shift easily, finally able to express how quickly he caught your mood after so long of being attuned to it. 

“Oh wait, no, (Y/N), nothing terrible, I promise,” Hawks rubbed at your sides. “It’s about the miel.”

“The... miel?” You cocked your head to the side, confused, recalling the drink somewhat hazily. “The drink I made you on the day of... the attack?”

Hawks gave you a tense smile, “That one, yeah. Remember how you said it was just based on your ambient feelings?”

“Uh-huh.” You let confusion lace your tone until it slowly started to dawn on you.

“You made the drink, ambiently, around me—”

Your eyes widened, mouth falling open, “Oh my god, Hawks, did my feelings for you get in the drink?”

Hawks graced you with a sweet, sympathetic smile, fingers tucking at the hair around your ear, “They did, dove. I’ve kind of known for a few days, it just hasn’t been the time or setting to say something. I apologize.”

“N-no, it’s okay, I totally understand,” You sighed into his grip. “I really thought it might be something worse.”

“Consider your worries assuaged,” Hawks hummed, eyes drifting to your boot. He deadpanned suddenly. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad does your leg hurt right now?”

 Fairly bad, considering. You were half on your knees, the booted leg twisted awkwardly while still raised to the coffee table. This wasn’t even to mention the arch of your back so you could be all that closer to Hawks.

The pain of the position was easy to forget; you were still shaking from kissing Hawks just once. 

“Uh, maybe like a seven, once I can feel anything other than how good you felt just now,” you hummed, grinning up at Hawks as his face went bright red.

The infinite pleasure you received, making him blush so sweetly. 

He shook it off, squeezing your sides, “Cute. Very cute. Mutually returned sentiment, but let’s adjust.”

You nodded but didn’t have much time to react as a bundle of Hawks’s feathers lifted you every which way, albeit incredibly gently. All said and done, he was fully upright against the back of the couch. With the support of a feather or two, Hawks’s arms tugged you into his lap. Your legs stretched to the side, the booted one immediately propped up by a feather-supplied pillow.

You both settled yourselves, blushing and leaning on each other now that you finally were allowing yourself to. 

Keigo fully wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight against him. One of his wings even shifted to drape over one his shoulder, sheltering the two of you in a canopy of a crimson. Keigo let his hands wander over your hips, not seeking anything more than blessed attention and heat. You gave it all to him, tucking your face into his collarbone, drowning in the scent that made you feel at home. 

Keigo pressed his lips to your crown and legitimately shuddering.  

He spoke to himself, so faintly and quietly, you hardly caught it, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

There was melancholy in his voice, but you were quick to strip it away.

You brushed your lips along his jaw, savoring the way he held you tighter, “I have too. Can we do this more?”

“Anytime, dove. Anytime.”

“Right now sound good?”

You withdrew to beam up at him as you were so good at doing, only to be smothered by craving-satiating kisses anywhere Keigo could get to. The sweet, high laughter that he dripped onto you made your heart burst all over again.

And you finally, finally fell into the other sweetly, warmly, and properly. 

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taglist: @thepandapopo @hawksexual @sinclairsamess @darcia22 @inhalingsoysauce @yee-fxcking-haw

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