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prettybutter-flyy · 1 year

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so I'm in what i am calling my cacoon era.

The fact is i have a terrible habit of saying im going to do things to my friends and family and then just not doing it. A couple months ago i realized im only really letting myself down, bc they dont even expect me to do what i say anymore. In fact, i dont even think my loved ones really respect me, but thats a story for another time.

I was just getting so frustrated that my loved ones didnt really take me seriously and wouldnt come through for me but then i realized, i dont even do that shit for myself!

And this is not to say that i dont DESERVE my lov3d ones to show they care or prioritize me or whatever, i absolutely do. If you are someones irl moot, you should show you care about them and prioritize them sometimes.

My point is How can i be mad when others dont come through for me or make me a priority when i dont even prioritize myself?

I am not physically healthy, i eat like shit, im fat, o feel sluggish and weighed down and i dont like it. Dont get me wrong, im cute but i *feel* like shit.

I don't stand up for myself and i invalidate my feelings and thoughts constantly, always looking to others and social media for opinions.

I am not where i want to be financially. But thats just bc I got myself into like 8k debt when i was without a job a couple months ago.

Socially, i feel like im at the bottom of my friend group if I'm being 100% honest. They dont treat me poorly, but i can tell they think im stupid. Maybe we just have too much history, we have been friends since high school, so... and then it doesnt help that im the only single friend, and I'm happy for them genuinely, but the dynamics just change when friends get into relationships. I have 4 hs friends I see semi regularly, 2 of them are married and 2 have serious bfs. They hang out as couples and give me relationship advice and the married ones are getting ready to buy a house and maybe have kids. They're just in different stages of life man, and it peer pressures me into wanting that but im honestly not even sure if i do.

And professionally... idk im doing okay professionally. Im working at a news station as a show producer and my passion has always been film, writing and creating stuff. Its not an exact match but its okay for now and its sustainable and if I can play my networking hands right, i could move to where i want to be (a film firector). My issue here is i have the whole day to do this stuff (write, film, create, practice my art) and i just dont. Idk the mental blocks holding me back, is it my laziness or learned helplessness or what, but i just dont do things that i am passionate about.

All around, i am not where i want to be.

But I moved into my apartment in july, and thats a crazy story in itself but i am an hour away from my closest family (30-40 if i tale tolls). I didnt want to move so far away but recently, ive been getting signs that this was a good move for me. I need to isolate myself to make these changes: no going out to save money; instead workout, get my body how i want; practice making new friends, new SINGLE friends.

Ive slightly failed bc ive been talking to this guy for the last couple weeks but nothing is official and theres no reason it needs to be just yet. I want to get with at least one girl before i settle down with anyone.

My point is, i want to take the rest of my lease in this apartment as a chance to radically repair my life. To sprout my wings and become the butterfly that i feel like on the inside, and let that show on the outside. I deserve so much more than what ive given myself. If i were in a relationship w myself, i would have broken up with that bum ass bitch years ago.

So in my Cacoon era, im isolating myself, trying to make the changes internally and virtually alone, bc I will not have support from family and friends because i have said i was going to get my shit together so many times (and not done it) at this point, i imagine no one believes me. Im chrysalizing myself from a beautiful catipillar to emerge a beautiful butterfly - and I have to do the internal work as well, bc I could lose the weight and still be in a bad financial situation (how will i go on dates!) Or start hating myself and develop an ed (i don't now but i have addictive tendencies) or make shitty new friends who treat me worse than my hs friends (who i want to reiterate, havent really harmed me, just dont respect me). I cant just fix one aspect, they all tie in together, they're all a part of me and what makes me happy and if one of those things is off, i will still be as miserable as i am now.

My cacoon is meant to be protection from the outside, and an incubator for a new me.

So these are the things i want to change, im on a new platform where no one knows me and i have a lil freedom to explore and vent and whatever i want because this is my blog and i deserve it.

I deserve to do the things that i like. I deserve to look how i feel, i deserve friends that take me seriously, I deserve relationships that serve me and to be with someone im crazy about when the time is right. And you do too.

Please join me on this journey. Im begging, one thing i really need right now is a(n anonymous) community of ppl wanting to better themselves just like me, encouragement and maybe tips. An external force to be held accountable to.

Typically, i would ask what your thoughts are, but I don't really care, just follow my journey and tell me abt yours :)

#fitnessjourney #financial #social #black tumblr #black girls winning #cacoon #changing my direction

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swamp-lemonade · 4 years

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Hi helloooo, you mentioned a swap au? 😇

HAHA I GOT SOME TIME AND IM NOT EXHAUSTED I CAN FINALLY WILL MY BRAIN TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

Okay so hear me out

This may be very self-indulgent

And definitely not just me fucking with the relationship dynamics

But I lov

So here we go

First off, it’s modern and a community college thing (totally not projecting about the fact I’m going to a community college haha)

Crutchie:

Very punk aesthetic

Like leather jackets with studs, goth punk man

Likes to pretend he’s a badass with no emotions

Although will back down at the first sight of confrontation

He a coward

Honestly has some issues he should talk out with someone

But he thinks he’s too cool for that (spoiler alert, he’s not)

Dating both Jack and Davey and lowkey melts for both of them

Davey:

A confident, one brain cell, fuck boy

Probably was in at least 3 different sports

One of them was definitely soccer

Wears his letterman from HS with pride babey

Would absolutely end a persons life for his siblings

Doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents and very rarely talks to them

Pretty much only goes back home to hang with Les and see how he’s doing

Also the guy who’ll throw his arm around you and make you feel included and like you’re One of the Guys™️ even if you don’t know him all that well

Loves his boyfriends with all his heart and consistently leaves them cute little notes

Jack:

Man’s a mess

Flusters easily, and cannot flirt to save his life

Such a nerd

You know that song “Stupid with Love” from Mean Girls? Yeah.

Will info dump if you give him the chance

Working really hard to make a difference in the world, and wants to protect the people he loves

Also carries around a small plush rabbit on a keychain that Race bought for him

All around oblivious, sweet guy

Sara:

Won’t Shut Up™️

Super hyper and pumped up and has more energy than the entire group combined

Def squeals when something makes her really happy

However, absolutely will fuck your shit up

Professor being an asshole to her friends or classmates? “Oops how did you end up with all your tires flat? Idk who’d do that.”

When some asshole’s stuff is fucked up, they are pretty sure it’s her, but they don’t have any evidence to back them up

Super into graffiti that makes a statement

Has also gotten into more fights than anyone in the group cares to count honestly

Also doesn’t have a great relationship with her parents

But would do anything for her brothers, no questions asked

Katherine:

Quiet

Only speaks when she really has to, but she makes sure her opinions are known

Won’t let people walk all over her in the slightest

The emo girl that’ll glare at you no matter what you do

Also likes to Fuck Shit Up™️

But is also really fucking nice

She volunteers at several different places around the city

Joins Sara on graffiti runs

Has an okay relationship with her dad, but still doesn’t like how fast he got over her mother’s death

Has been friends with Spot since she was little, and is def protective of him

Spot

“You know what goes great with everything? Pastel.”

Absolutely the soft boy your parents warned you about

Wears those glitter filled bracelets because “I like how the glitter moves when you move”

Bouncy and happy

But VERY emotional

Once cried because “Snowmen just DIE Katherine!”

Knows how to take care of himself! And still very strong

Has a great relationship with his mom and goes back home at every holiday

Uses a LOT of punctuation when he texts (i.e “!!!!!!!!” And “,,,,,,,”)

Race

Shy as hell

Hates when people talk to him and always styles his hair in a way that hides half his face

Wears a hoodie and def pulls the strings so you can’t see him when he’s embarrassed

Soft, quiet voice

Will boost his friends up before he would ever think about boosting himself up

Wants the best for everyone

Someone to talk to who’ll just be there for you and tell you you’re gonna be okay

Tall friend hugs are a special thing he only gives out to his closest friends

Jack’s little brother, and closest friend

Aaa sorry this was so long I just!! Lov them!! And it’s not super fleshed out yet, still kinda a work in progress, but I also have designs for most of them! Curse me not knowing enough about bad ass punk fashion! But yea! This is what I got for now :)

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

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Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say? ooooof. I don’t think i’d buy that. I hardly think people who DO show they have feelings for me are being truthful, so I doubt that.

Do you play video games? haven’t in some time, but I want to get back into it a little.

Do you spend a lot of time with family? oh heck yeah. I have a really great family.

Is your house more than two stories tall? nah, it’s the two stories with a basement.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you? I will never raise my hands to another human being. I once dated someone who was a veteran and had severe ptsd. we were napping one time and he got aggressive. that wasn’t HIM though.

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!) physically, I suppose I have nice eyes and a decent smile. personality wise, I am warm, friendly, loving, supportive, sometimes funny, very loyal.

What color is your hairbrush/comb? depends which one I use. I have a pink one right now.

What snacks do you have available in your household atm? I honestly haven’t got a clue. I haven’t been let out of my room in 2 weeks.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive? yes. it’s weird.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? DEF not. he has been asking me out since we worked together maybeeeee.. 8-9 years ago?

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you? yes! I am trying to learn how to undo that. it’s not that I don’t want to care about him, but I know and can soooooooo clearly see that he doesn’t care anymore, and it is extremely emotionally draining to watch.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female? I wanna say female but idk

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you? scott

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? couple days ago.

Do you play any games on Facebook? Nope.

What would you like to get a degree in? I have two degrees -- one in psych and one in SLP.

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? ahahahaha yes. almost always wide awake from 3-6

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? typically more in the movie/show or book mood.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? Both. nothing like that buttery, salty goodness that obvs requires an enormous drink

What genre of films do you like the best? either make me EXTREMELY sad, or romantic.

How many bank accounts do you have? 2

Have you ever had the flu? Yeah.

What is your goal for the next few months? i have several. the only one that can/will be public right now, is to get my lungs back to functioning as they were.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life? yes. I have very bad breathing during sleep. I have had 11 sleep studies done, because my breathing will just stop randomly, which luckily my brain wakes me. it doesn’t really affect my like severely.. I function normally. but shoooooot, if I got normal levels of sleep i’d be a force to be reckoned with.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. Yes. It was AWFUL. vomiting for 2 days straight. it was so gross.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex. smart and romantic.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it? hmm. I think there have been times where i’ve let people have more access to me than they should have had. or there have definitely been times I’ve been used in school groups. But honestly, I tend to be protective of myself. I stop when I feel enough is enough.

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? I would want either Bill to not die, or for her to be spoiled incessantly by someone else.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? psh. no. my friends are all tiny which is just not fun.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you? Yeah. i found it so fun.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see? ahahahaha no.

Which is worse: dusting or mopping? mopping. i hate doing the floors.

Did you pull a senior prank? Not really advised when a homeschooler.

Did you graduate? Yes. that was a rough, rough day.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship? Nope

What was the last song you listened to? i think it was Happier than Ever by billie eilish. the lyrics are ... woof.

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision? 20/12 -- the last time I had insurance anyway.

Is fashion one of your interests? honestly, if I had money, it would be. but it isnt right now.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone? It’s getting harder and harder to believe that will be the case. I knowwwww I need to start dating, but every time I go to open up an app, I hesitate and chicken out. I just was so happy before.. its hard to think I could be able to offer anything to anyone right now.

Do you care what people think? veryyyyyy few people. I care about the thoughts of those I genuinely love and respect. However, I still ensure I’m protecting myself regardless.

Is acting something you enjoy? No.

What was the last thing you broke/sprained? I have a bum knee, so I sprain that from time to time. I last broke a finger.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours? ahahahaha yes. but years ago. never because of mine.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. I don’t cuss.

Whose house, other than yours and your families’, are you most comfortable at? probably either nathan’s or em’s.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? alix’s family used to yell at me a lot for being fat. that used to mess me up.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? soccer. no, i found the endless running to be unnecessary.

Did you ever watch the show Full House? yup

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry? no, thats so out-of-touch with reality

Have you ever burned someone’s picture? yes, i have.

What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on? i think it was 8 hours. I hate hate hate hikes. But, thats because I have really weak lungs, so my doctor says it’s like lighting them on fire.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo? No.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? kile

Do your parents smoke cigarettes? my mom hasn’t since a teenager. I think my dad does still. though, i dunno for certain.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it? uhhhh, PTK honors society

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. Any reptile or insect. <<<< same

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller? Taller.

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Yes. very much so.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? No, i respect people who are truthful saying they either try not to judge, or that they do judge despite their desire to stop.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in? sooooooo much. it’s small town-y, quiet, safe, lots of trees, family close by.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during? ps i love you will always shatter my heart.

What’s your favorite restaurant? buona or ashford

Is there a dessert you don’t like? im not wild about pastries.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it? hmmm maybe that one mrs. pettigrews home for peculiar children.

Underwater or outer space? i’m fascinated by both. typically more interested in the water.

Dogs or cats? both. all of them.

Kittens or puppies? kittens.

Bird watching or whale watching? whales!!!!!!!!

What was your best subject in school? in HS probably history. or science. in college, psych or neuro.

What was your worst subject in school? Math. always freakin’ math.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school? Uhhh. hm. i don’t think anything. I liked my experience.

Who is your fashion icon? nada.

Diamonds or pearls? Both are nice. I love pearl stud earrings and I really want a simple, one pearl necklace. I am kinda ruined for diamonds for some time. My favorite rings and necklace were diamonds from kile and I just cant bring myself to wear those anymore.

What color dress did you wear to prom? pink

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now? oh sure. I am envious of those with bangin’ bods. I’m envious of those who have great finances. I am envious of those who live life married to their love. I’m envious of people who see kile regularly. But there are difficulties that come with any of those situations.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out? not long ago. the whole crushing reality of losing kile just destroyed me. I’m OK now.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? ahahahahah. I just reject all calls.

Who are you closest to? My mom and nathan rn.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience? no

Are you currently sad about anything? several things have recently been really saddening, but I’m ok. Ill get thru it.

Have you had any form of exercise today? Its going to be some time before I’m cleared for that. I almost faint from taking a shower and I have to be on oxygen after doing the one flight of stairs.

Can you handle blood? doesn’t bother me at all.

Has any place hired you underage for a job? yes. I mean technically, I was legal to work in that I was 17, but the company didn’t want to hire younger than 18.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? not like in public, but at a house or gun range, yes.

Are you currently searching for a job? soon.

Does eating breakfast make you sick? i’m never ever ever hungry for it. I know i should, but its the worst. I don’t even like breakfast foods.

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abundantchewtoys · 5 years

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HS Epi Meat, page 4 reaction

So, is John going to zap to the next plot point now, or will it switch back to Earth C?

I wonder, if it's the latter, whether we might see something from an antagonist, or a less important character, like Jack Noir or GCATavrosprite. And if the former, I wonder if John will venture further into (a retconned version of) the Game Over timeline, or not?

---

"You arrive in the Land of Heat and Clockwork in a flash of white." OOOoooh, LOHAC! Will he visit Dave - well, presumably yes. But will he revisit the moment he zapped back to, when he came to ask for help regarding his retcon powers?

... I kind of like Blaperile's idea better, that he revisits the point in time he disrupted before, the conversation between Dave & Jade, but which he afterwards retconned again, sending himself to go find Roxy? ... Wait, it was never really explained where that John that bapped himself on the head came from, I swear, if this is (out-of-comic) retconned as having been this 23-year-old John... Okay, I might have forgotten if Rx John had already gone back. ... Okay yeah, it already happened. Page 8333 vs 9047 of Homestuck. Anyway...

Hmm, GO Dave never used the eggsword much in the end (Caledfwlch), as he went after Jade's body and tied to a critical devilbeast combo. But I don't think John'll take it?

"Through the condensation you can make out the shapes of Dave and Jade below, as well as two more of you hovering in the air above. Both Johns turn to look at you." PFfffffff, of course he draws his other selves attention. Why would it resolve so cleanly as they zapping away in the background. Dave had a fit before when he saw one, but now, if he'll acknowledge all three...

"On the ground, Dave is talking in a particular cadence, one that is familiar to you, his longtime best buddy. Casual, wandering, verging on droning. It’s a good indication he’ll be monologuing for a while, and probably already has been." Yeah, GO Dave was summing up all the reasons he didn't particularly want to do anything about LE. Retconned Dave just thought he should fulfill the prophecy to get it over with, but that's about the end of his commitment in the matter too. Only Davepetasprite^2 really felt like going up against LE. Will Caledfwlch make it into their hands?

"DAVE: thats what...DAVE: you do...DAVE: with..." Awesome, he even gets trailed off at exactly the same moment in his monologue. :D

"DAVE: karate. john what the fuck are you doing hereDAVE: or... waitDAVE: actually three johnsDAVE: hey three johns what the fuck are three johns doing here" Dave is so whatever about this, it's hilarious. Then again, he's been all around LOHACSE thrice in a single day, he's got some experience in the matter of walking around alt time selves.

Also, I wonder if Dave (and Jade) will notice he's an older version of John. If not, his god tier powers probably keep him youthful, like Superman.

"It’s a fair question, which logically should have been directed to the oldest and most knowledgeable John. Nevertheless, one of the younger Johns replies first." Pfff, the second oldest one then? The one that came back here with a semblance of purpose, not randomly zapping through canon? Plus, if Dave wouldn't notice a difference between the Johns, neither would the younger ones.

"(JOHN 1): er.(JOHN 1): i don’t know." Ooooh! Cool, not just are they parenthesed, the Johns are now also numbered! Yeah, we wouldn't want them to just all be named John, that'd be insane and probably what Jade went through with PCG & FCG from her end (aka two ?CG's).

"JOHN 3: john, don’t worry about it. i’ll take things from here.DAVE: johns dont get me wrong its cool that you all randomly dropped by again but this wasnt really the best time" Hah, yeah John, try and get that semblance of knowing what you're doing back, like you acted out on LOPAN against your past selves. I'm actually interested to see whether he will be as dismissive towards his other selves as back then. Right, this is the second time Dave saw John, after the time he dropped in when Dave was looking at his old photographs.

"DAVE: we were kind of in the middle of a thing here(JOHN 1): whoops. sorry.(JOHN 2): uh... actually, i only came here to swoop in and zap this john away without being seen, to retcon away the mess i made earlier.(JOHN 2): i didn’t expect to see another john here.

JOHN 3: hey, other john, i said i’ll handle it!

JOHN 3: i’m the only one who actually knows what’s going on here.DAVE: god damn it johns what the fuck did you do" John 1 fucked it up, John 2 would've fixed things but then John 3 came back and fucked up some more. It's like the goddamned Primer movie all over again.

"JOHN 3: young dave, please.

JOHN 3: let me deal with the johns first, then i’ll explain.DAVE: young dave???" Why did that make me think of WV's polite commands. "Sir John" and all that. :P I think the other Johns will be able to get resolved easily enough, one zapping the other away to bop him in the head, both confused over the mess they left behind.

"DAVE: ohDAVE: yeah why are you a fucking adult now" OOOOOOh, nice! Okay, even though it'll be all shades of awkward, I really like the age difference isn't getting skimmed over.

"DAVE: did you grow up and start time traveling dude" Take that, reverse it.

"JADE: will someone tell me what the fuck is happening???????" Oh right, Grimbark Jade's text colour thingy!

"JOHN 3: johns, there’s no reason for you to hang around anymore.

JOHN 3: not to sound like a wet blanket, but the things you’re trying to accomplish are now useless, so you can just zap away and do whatever you want.(JOHN 1): ummm...(JOHN 2): useless?? wait." Harsh much, John. Also, just cause they won't/aren't you, they can just go become you, or whatever how you want to put it.

"JOHN 3: ok, maybe i shouldn’t have said that.

JOHN 3: i’m sure you can still go and do what i did when i originally did what you’re currently trying to do...DAVE: jesus john" Dave's inner time logistician is crying. John's retcon powers are so OP, he doesn't have to take any care in keeping time loops going if he doesn't want to. But that'd just result in copies of him flying around, so he'd best to just send them on their way, hopefully never to run into them again.

JOHN 3: in fact, it will still probably be a very rewarding experience!

JOHN 3: some of my best memories happened right after you do what you’re about to do next." I was thinking of the meet-up with his friends in general, but yeah, it's probably mostly about meeting Roxy, which is the closest thing to happen to (John 1)'s point in time.

"JOHN 3: the point is, you should just go do it, so that you aren’t here anymore." Savage.

"JOHN 3: i’m here to make sure some new and different important things happen, and those things don’t include you.

JADE: :|(JOHN 1): oh...(JOHN 2): ...ok.

The useless Johns zap away. You sincerely hope that they have a beautiful and fulfilling youth." ... That's not what your mouth ended up conveying there, John. Nor your thoughts, I mean, "useless", dear god man, have some alt self respect. :P

"DAVE: adult john what the fuck have you doneDAVE: is this some time travel shitDAVE: please dont tell me youve been spending the next however many years bungling through time like this because tbh if what i just witnessed was even remotely indicative of shit you get up to on a recurring basis then your future is almost too embarrassing to even think aboutDAVE: and this is coming from a teenager who was just in the middle of an angsty episode" Self aware Dave tirades are still the best. :D

"JOHN: i used my retcon abilities to travel here from the future, in a manner of speaking.DAVE: sounds fuckin stupidJOHN: it is stupid. but that’s just how things are." Glad they can agree to agree on that very valid assessment. :P

"JADE: im a little confused

JADE: im supposed to be hunting you down and capturing you... but im not sure if the adult version of you counts?

JADE: i think the condesce might just be... confused if i brought her an adult john?" Oooh, is this conflicting with her "programming" some how? Doggy Jade is confused, that's actually intruiging that she's given pause.

"JOHN: no, you don’t need to capture me, and you wouldn’t be able to even if you wanted to, since my existence literally transcends the confines of canon.

JADE: well...

JADE: i guess that simplifies things then?" John bullshitting his way to victory over people smarter than him, it remains a sight to behold.

JADE: in that case, would you mind giving me and dave a few minutes to wrap up our conversation?" XD Lol, wut????? Hahahah, Paradox Space really can only handle so much derailment to a timeline. At some point it just throws up it's arms and goes "leave me be, for five minutes, I was busy here!"

"JADE: we were sort of in the middle of something important... i thinkJOHN: no, you really weren’t.JOHN: sorry to be the bearer of lame news, like i just was to the other johns.JOHN: but whatever you were doing doesn’t matter anymore.JOHN: nothing that’s happening here matters at all.JOHN: this session, this whole takeover by the condesce... this isn’t how a universe gets made.

JADE: its not?JOHN: no." Sorry to break it to ya, but you're in a doomed timeline.

"DAVE: so what nowDAVE: if its all a done deal like preemptively speakingDAVE: can we all just relax or whatJOHN: actually...JOHN: no." Okay... So, what, can he just recruit these guys off and zap off with them to the next plot point? Won't something have to be done about the grimbarkness first? Also, if the next plot point is in the same timeline... Game Over really gets derailed. No Jade, no swapping Derse for LOFAF.

"DAVE: fuckJOHN: ah! i just realized why she sent me to this point in time to start recruiting you all.DAVE: whatDAVE: who" Rose, but not your Rose, although perhaps with the memories of that Rose, so kinda your Rose. :P Okay, so it's not that Rose's letter gave more detailed instructions than to zap there & recruit. So John'll have to figure out what to bring besides the people, in some cases at least. Like, here that would be Caledfwlch.

"JOHN: this is the moment just after you made your legendary cue ball sword.JOHN: you’re going to need it.DAVE: for whatJOHN: to come fight lord english with me.

Dave’s eyebrows descend beneath his sunglasses. You feel pretty bad because you’re about to completely circumvent the life-changing epiphany he’s just had that you know for a fact will make him a happier, chiller, and altogether more well-balanced human being." :/ Yeah, Dave really was happier cheating his way out of the prophecy. But then, he could only become so happy if someone else took care of the REAL Lord English for him. Guess another Dave'll have to bite the dust for "alpha" Dave again. Then again, epiphany or not, GO Dave might have ended up happy... but then he'd have been a happy ghost, for just as long until LE or the black hole got to him.

Still, man, I'm feeling for the guy. It's one thing to reject the call when it's an abstract prophecy or artefact thrust on you. But now it's his best friend asking him to join him in a crazy last stand. That's... actually one of the toughest challenges any Dave has had.

"DAVE: oh shit" ... Best underwhelming response he could have. :D

"JADE: what??

JADE: john. he is NOT going to fight lord english just yet

JADE: he is staying right here

JADE: old ladys orders :PJOHN: actually, yes he is." I'm sensing a showdown coming, but I wonder how swift John will take care of her, can his mangrist trump First Guardian swiftness? Oh, yeah, and he could turn into the Breeze too, I recall. Yeah, Jade's gonna bite the dust.

"JOHN: and so are you. we all are." Oooooh, okay, he wants everyone from the GO timeline to take a swing. Cool that he's getting his gang back together. Still, the age difference! :P Everyone but Roxy might be a little wary of it. (I'm saying that because at one point Roxy crushed on Jane's Dad.

"JADE: omg

JADE: how dare you?????JOHN: jade, you’re brainwashed.JOHN: sorry. but nothing you’re saying now means anything." Like, I understand where he's coming from, but dang John, still so brutal.

"JOHN: it’s fine though, you’ll stop being brainwashed once i zap you outside the influence of the condesce." Oooh, round trips to blankspace it is? I don't think it'll be to LOWAS, just to "a" point in blankspace they can be "stored" until the gang is assembled.

"JADE: youre not zapping me anywhere!!!!!JOHN: ha ha, yes i am.JOHN: watch this...

> Zap Grimbark Jade outta there." Has he learned to do a snap to zap her away while staying behind himself? Like how Jade zapped everyone to LOMAX.

It would be anticlimactic for John's retcon powers to suddenly cease working here. It would also be very Hussie for that to happen spontaneously. :P But then again, not likely as he'll use the same power to go to LOCAM (Caliborn's planet).

"You set a hand on Jade’s shoulder and zap her off to a better place. Then you touch down on the concrete surface where the whole pointless confrontation was taking place so that you can talk Dave around whatever it is he’s going through right now. Dave, like his ecto-sister, really needs to get in an absurd amount of extraneous words before he can fully process a situation.

The Mayor tips his head at you and fiddles with his sash. God damn, you missed the Mayor." Ah, okay, that particular conversation we might not see in its entirety? Or maybe we will. In any case, right, WV was there! Aww, yes we missed him. But hey, seems like John at least took a little time before they travelled into the future, to get to know WV? I wonder if he ever found out he was his exile, probably not.

"DAVE: so what do we do nextJOHN: well, i’ll leave you to hang out with jade for a bit, while i go round up the others." Hey, it occurred to me, Dave & Jade could have a chat while they wait, work some things out. A similar conversation as that GO Dave & Jade presumably had right after their deaths, when they woke up next to each other in the dreambubbles!

"DAVE: what others... likeDAVE: everyoneJOHN: yes. rose, and the other four." Yeah, this is speeding things up rapidly as far as the meetup between the kids is concerned. Dave & Dirk might benefit from some alone time out in blankspace together, mirroring their LOTAK conversation. Also, this means John will be zapping into the outer reaches of the session to retrieve Dirk, hahah. ... I wonder if the glitches from the stardust will be causing any disturbance, probably not anymore since the stardust was blown out of the cartridge, admittedly at a "later" point in the timeline.

Blaperile has a good point, what about Roxy? I'm going to assume that, by the time gets around to breaking her out of jail, John 1 or an equivalent John has already visited her. But I don't remember if they talked about the ring already back then. I do still think John will be giving her the ring to go revive Calliope, but the exact feelings around the moment will remain to be seen.

"DAVE: i seeDAVE: so...DAVE: sorry if i seem a little slow here im just trying to figure this outDAVE: youre telling me that i made this sword because im destined to defeat lord english and weve all been training for that day our whole lives to some extent more or lessDAVE: and we are actually successful here like we overthrow the condesce and make a universe and everythingDAVE: and thenDAVE: we..." ... Yeah, this timeline won't spawn a universe, it's already been done, it exists, no point in repeating the whole process. This session is now void again. Dave tries to build a timeline in his head that makes sense, but the sad thing is, his future is uncertain. Though, he might not be sad at all? I mean, not if the future is his to be written, right?

"DAVE: sit on our asses for several years in the new universe and become adults and lead mostly boring lives instead of going off to fight him?" ... Or, does Dave really DO understand what has happened, that he's picking up left over plot behind some other version of him.

"JOHN: yes.DAVE: guess that makes senseDAVE: now that i think about it thats probably what i would want to do by the time we finally wrap up this whole hot messJOHN: yep, it is what you wanted to do.JOHN: and pretty much everyone else agreed, including me. so that’s what we did." Not sure how conscious the decision was for them at the time, but sure.

"DAVE: which uhDAVE: i guess begs the questionDAVE: if it seemed pointless at the time and nobody could be assed to go fight him when we all had our shit togetherDAVE: why does it suddenly become important to go back and beat him years later after we become a bunch of lazy adults with boring lives" You'd have to ask Rose but she wouldn't remember in this timeline so the point is kind of mute. :P

"JOHN: i pretty much had the same questions, dave.JOHN: there are probably some pretty good answers to that. definitely some complicated answers.JOHN: but to be honest... i kind of forget what they actually were?DAVE: god damn it john" Pfffffff. John "it seemed important at the time so here i am" Egbert, everyone.

"JOHN: it has something to do with canon unraveling, and such.JOHN: we all live outside canon in the future, and if we don’t do go do this, everything will stop meaning anything.DAVE: does...DAVE: anything you just said actually mean anything in the first place" There's a song that comes to mind from Volume 9, "Everything means Something to Somebody". To Dave, it must be sound like the same level of fortune cookie wisdom.

"JOHN: that’s a great question, dave.JOHN: one that i can’t say i’m qualified to answer!JOHN: i think the bottom line here is, this is what rose said we had to do.JOHN: so, that’s why we’re doing it.DAVE: sounds like a bullshit reason if i ever heard oneJOHN: you might be right.JOHN: but is it less of a bullshit reason than any other reason we currently have to go fight him?DAVE: ...DAVE: damnDAVE: youre rightDAVE: i dont know how you did it but you somehow instantly sold me completelyDAVE: fuck you adult egbert" At some point, the scales will buckle just from the shear heap of bullshit piled on.

"You zap Dave off to where he needs to go. The Mayor is still staring at you, blinking his buggy little eyes. You shoot him a warm smile and a thumbs-up before bouncing off into the ether of infinity." Awww, actually, leaving WV behind can't be all bad for him. He can find Serenity in here, PM too. Condesce might very well leave for the Furthest Ring, and then this session is up for sale to anyone. And with the royalty down for the count, WV can take over. Well, okay, WQ... probably blew up when Union Jack broke Prospit. Yeah, WV, PM & the still alive Derse agents are the top bill around, and if PM can trump Jack again (the three of him, Spades Slick & Union Jack included), then the remaining Derse agents would follow.

That marks the end of Meat, page 4 for us!

#homestuck #homestuck epilogues #homestuck meat #upd8 #reaction #spoiler alert #john egbert #dave strider #grimbark jade #wv #the mayor #LOHAC #retjohn

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warmau · 7 years

Text

Highschool!AU Haechan

find college!nct (here) & more hs!dream kids will be coming soon!!

favorite subject: piano & creative writing

least favorite subject: chemistry

voted most likely to: become a famous game show host

haechan is described by his homeroom teacher as ‘popular’, with pretty high grades in all subjects - even the ones he despises, and a personality that’s loud an vibrant it’s only natural that people want to be his friend

although he does have a streak of giving back cheeky answers to teachers, never insulting or rude just a bit too sarcastic

but that just makes him even more popular, because everyone thinks he’s hilarious

his parents are both musically inclined so haechan took every music extracurricular class that was available, the piano teacher basically lets him live in the music room

some older kids had tried to make snarky comments involving haechan’s talent, but he had confidently told them to buzz off with their low college entrance exam scores and well,,,,they never bothered him again

doesn’t skip class often, but when he does it’s totally with jisung and chenle to cause some no good pranks on their friends jeno and renjun

and/or to get snacks down at the corner store, the owner is like “hey shouldnt you be in school??” and haechan is like “oh, it’s national government day so no school!” and the person is always like uh,,,sounds legit and haechan just grins

has he used his cuteness to get free food from the lunch ladies? yeah,,,he has,,,,much to the look of regret on jisung’s face

his other favorite class is creative writing because haechan is imaginative, it’s hard to not notice both his personality and his creativity

and he likes storytelling and songwriting, so even if everyone else is writing cheesy romance hs love plots like haechan’s gonna write his dragon slayer robot apocalypse piano playing hero trilogy - just you watch him

(what im saying is popular boy haechan probably lowkey loves reading magical books and stuff,,, like he might hate science but do i think haechan loves scifi novels??? yeah,,,,look at him)

and you actually have creative writing with haechan this semester, which is funny because ofc you know him

your friends are friends with his friends yada yada, but you’ve like never really given him a thought

one of your friends had a brief crush on him when you were all freshmen, and you’d agreed - something about him was charming

was it the clear, glowing skin? the long eyelashes? the smile that made the room light up? the way you’d made eye contact across the lunchroom and haechan’s eyes , an earthy brown, had sparkled -

ok yeah you totally just thought that “something” about him was charming not like you’d thought about him twice

but being in the same room with him for a whole semester changed that

and it changed it really,,,, really fast

and you weren’t expecting it, coming into class - trying your hardest to listen to other people read their stories, make comments, ask questions

but all you could do was sneak peeks at haechan

who sat at the desk beside yours, closest to the windows

and when a gust of wind would past buy, his hair would ruffle slightly and he’d tap the end of his pencil gently against his lips

whenever the teacher called on him, he’d have something so interesting to say and the chance amount of times he’d look your way

you had to pretend to be scribbling something against your own notes

because what,,,what was happening

you had never thought your crush would end up being haechan and not because he was the school sweetheart or the most athletic kid on the soccer team or any of that stuff from the movies

you just got,,,,entranced,,,, “he’s a wizard, right?” you once rationalized to yourself in bed but what - no c’mon,,,that couldn’t be it

and it wasn’t like haechan didn’t notice,,,,,,

he’d always wondered - when you were both freshman and you’d met eyes in the lunchroom during the first couple of weeks of school

why had you never,,,looked at him again?

it had bugged him, he had even asked mark about it who had graduated and mark just said something about “why do you care? oh,,,,do you like them?”

haechan had gritted his teeth “what are you talking about?”

mark’s cheery laughter came on the other end “only people ask a questions like ‘oh why aren’t they looking at me?’ when they have a crush.”

“you know what mark, i called you for some REAL advice and you’re giving me this baloney. this was dumb, college is making you dumber bye”

mark hadn’t been hurt when haechan hung up the phone, he was too busy chuckling over the fact that haechan 100% was interested in you - and just refused to admit it

or maybe haechan was just as confused as you, he would act like you didn’t phase him at all in creative writing

most of the time he’d concentrate extra hard on staring out the window, or asking questions about other peoples work

because one slip up and he’d have his head down on the desk, hearts floating above his head looking at the way your hair falls over your eyes sometimes, the pretty birthmark on your arm, the cute animals you doodled in your pages when you weren’t listening

haechan did NOT want to fall into that hole - he had seen jisung have crushes before and it was never pretty he acted like a total fOOL

but it was hard,,,you were so cute,,, he’d thought that when he first saw you but high school life had got in the way

now you sat beside each other????? what the heCK was he supposed to do???

you hadn’t told anyone about your feelings, and it was easy to hide you literally never saw haechan in the halls or at lunch - the only period you had with him was creative writing

so no one suspected a thing,,,,not until it was haechan’s turn to read aloud his writing

and you were secretly dreading it, but it did give you an excuse to finally look at him without seeming weird

yet the gnawing idea in your head was just: what if it’s a love poem about someone ,,,,, or some kind of allegory ,,,

it was a dumb thought - but you’re a teenager in love these things always bubble up

so on the day off, you briefly considered cutting class but ended up at your desk, watching haechan walk to the center of the board

his story was set in the future, something about a hero who played the piano while simultaneously defeating monster robots - it reminded you slightly of a comic book story line

someone had snorted at the idea, but haechan wrote it really well

to the point that halfway through the class, and even the teacher were on the edge of their seats

and then ,,,, came that part

haechans main character, who played piano in a well known orchestra was sitting beside his love interest

haechan read, “i would sit with them, completely alone in the grand hall. i would read music and they would practice at the other end of the room. the tune they played almost religiously, was one of my favorite. yet, there was never a moment where i could feel their gaze on me. almost as if i did not exist. i could clearly remember the first time we met, the canteen had been full of other musicians and orchestra staff. it was bustling, but like in any special moment time had slowed when we saw each other. it was like looking at someone who embodied spring. bright, just as curious and nervous as i. their eyes were a color i could see myself falling in love with effortlessly. but like spring breeze, the moment dwindled for a second and was gone. since then, they have not dared to spare me a glance.”

for a second you felt something familiar in the scene, then you realized haechan was describing a memory you had

the memory of the two of you in the lunchroom during freshman year

subconsciously, you were arguing that it was just a coincidence. he didn’t remember that, why would he?

but your heart was flipping in your chest, your grip on your pen had tightened

you almost didn’t hear the teacher call your name and ask for your opinion

haechan’s eyes landed on you and your face felt like it was on fire

“i,,,,,,,,,,i really like the scene between the protagonist and his ,,,,,, crush.”

you weren’t even thinking straight, but it came out

you hide your eyes back onto your paper, too concentrated on hiding your blush to see haechan’s lips turn upward ever so slightly

he had thought to himself,,,you remembered this moment too?

as class came to an end, you couldn’t get up out of your seat. your legs had turned to jello and you were still overthinking the whole situation

when the room had emptied out, even the teacher gone you finally put your hands on the desk and pushed yourself up

haechan had been waiting outside the room, he didn’t really konw what to say to you but the look on your face in class had meant something

and really, this itching feeling to look at you,,,,,to hold your hand,,,,,to even kiss you was starting to overwhelm him

and he wasn’t a patient person, i mean when his thoughts had crossed over to ‘why wont they look at me?’ to ‘they look really cute, kissing them would be nice’ he had decided to write that scene in his story

he wanted to know - he needed to konw

if what happened that day meant something and if that something was happening now, now in this one period class you had together

you didn’t see haechan when you opened the door, your eyes were on the floor and you were muttering to yourself

when you heard someone clear their throat and you looked up

“h-haechan?”

he looked at you and that sparkle from back in freshman year was still there

“i dont want to guess, but i need to know. you remember what happened a while ago,,,,,,,,,,what i based the scene off of right?”

you could feel the lump in your throat grow, you were late to last period calculus but you couldn’t even use that as an excuse

“i ,,, i do. but -”

“but, i want you to know that i started feeling it again. what i felt in that moment. i have a,,,,,,,,,,,mark used this word so ill use it too even though,,,it’s,,,corny but whatever - i have a crush on you.”

you stand there, backpack slung over one shoulder and your eyes wider than ever before

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,haechan likes you?,,,,,,,,

“y-you like me?”

“yes, im sorry for saying crush it’s corny but i guess,,, i dont know,,,,it fits the situation?”

haechan gives a small shrug, but a smile starts forming on his face

the cute, shy one you’ve never seen before

“i - i like you too,,,,,,, i just got kind of confused because well i just,,,,, it’s never really,,,,something,,,”

haechan nods “something you thought about before?”

it’s not like this is middle school or anything, but even as high schoolers neither you or haechan ever had much of a mind when it came to crushes

haechan had always found distractions in good friends and music - you had found it in your pasions

so it was only normal that liking each other kind of sent you bothi nto mini panics

but haechan, has never been embarrassed by telling the truth so it was just a matter of time till he confessed

and standing there, alone in the hallway with the muffled sounds of other classes going on , you were happy he did

your first date starts that afternoon, you both are too late for your last classes so you sneak off and go into the city

neither of you has much allowance, so you scrap up what you’ve got and buy snacks to eat, dropping what change you have into the pal of your hand

“it’s not much, but we can go see what it’ll get us at the thrift store?”

you nod and follow haechan into a small, underground store that is stuffed to the brim with second-hand items and vintage clothing hanging off the ceilings

aside from the trendy adults in the store, you and haechan stick out like sore thumbs in your school uniforms

but you completely forget because haechan puts on a large, round straw hat with flowers on it and does an impression of one of your favorite actresses

you two giggle over trying on outrageous clothes, digging through old records and books, until haechan pulls an old puppy toy from the depths of some stack and goes

“doesn’t he look like me?”

you laugh because the puppy is a slightly washed out red color, but the adorable face with big eyes does sort of remind you of him

on he flip side of the dogs ear is a worn out tag, the name ‘cherry’ spelled out in cursive

“should we spend our change on this guy?” haechan asks

you take him and hold him up “well it’s either him or we share cup ramen in the subway,,,,”

haechan and you agree, cherry is worth it

and as you walk around till late, the city lights illuminating you two in a soft glow, you hold cherry

and the people walking by flash smiles at you two, a young couple in love

when it’s time to go, haechan has to catch the train but you’re getting on the bus

he fusses with you over waiting till you get on safely, longenough for your bus to actually get there

watching you climb on, you turn over your shoulder and tell haechan to be safe

he points to cherry and raises an eyebrow “you two be safe as well.”

you nod, and haechan seems to stutter for a moment

“see you tomorrow.”

you call before the door shuts and the bus stars on its way, haechan watches your figure through a window as the bus pulls away

softly, with a smile he answers “see you tomorrow”

on the bus ride you stare out the window, holding cherry tightly in your arms

who knew haechan’s story would be the reason you two,,,,finally understood each others hearts

haechan gets home,,,,,and immediately calls mark

“i have a stupid crush. you were right. college is making you smarter.”

mark just laughs, he saw this coming and asks haechan to tell him all about you

when you end up in class the ext time, you try hard not to smile like an idiot when haechan comes in

but to your surprise, he doesn’t hide it all

he smiles, sliding into his desk and moving it just an inch closer to yours

“how’s cherry?”

“fine, did you get home late?”

the entire class seems to shift their gazes on to you and the weight of their stares makes you nervous

but haechan doesn’t seem to mind, he just looks at you and says everything was good. clumsily he adds in,,,,if you want,,,,,i gotta show you something after class

the thing he shows you is the piano in the schools music room, you never knew it before = but haechan is a skilled player

and when he sits down behind it, you think he looks handsome - like some kind of young prodigy - like the character in his story

the more you get to know him, the more you see a side of him that you’re sure he hides from others

the little that you knew from other people was his popular, sarcasti image

but there’s a lot more - there’s someone that wholeheartedly loves music and his friends

it makes you fall for him even harder,,,,,,,

haechan isn’t sure how to tell jisung and the others, so he approaches jeno first since he knows he’ll deal with it the calmest

“you’re dating,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,what how did we not EVEN KNOW?”

haechan shrugs “you guys are kind of oblivious.”

jeno frowns at haechan’s joke, but congratulates him nonetheless

now when isung, renjun and chenle find out ,,,, it’s a whole different ball game. there’s a lot of shouting. renjun even goes “haechan, you have a heart? you never told us!”

when you meet them, they all have some story to tell you about haechan

and haechan just ends up chasing half of them around, threatening to reveal their own secrets to their parent if anything

jeno, who stands beside you watching this unfold leans over and goes “he says he’s really happy these days thanks to you.”

you even get to know jaemin, haechan’s close friend whose on a break from school

haechan is a half-decent cook, you find out when you try to have a picnic and your homemade lunch is nothing like his

you end up discarding your pitiful sandwich for whatever haechan has in his fancy lunch box

dates with him are always a surprise and goofy

the amount of times you two use the ‘cute highschoolers with no money’ charm is uncountable - free popcorn at the movies? check. extra fries at burger king? check compliments from people on how you two will only get better looking from here on out? weird, but check

you don’t even need money to be happy, honestly you and haechan can make it fun no matter what

from running by the sea, backpacks discarded in the sand and the early fall wind blowing the waves up close as you yell when haechan pretends to jump in

to taking cute pics of the puppies in the puppy cafe windows

heck, once haechan gave you some flowers before first period and you were like how’d you get these,,

and he had told you that he just “got them” when in reality he part-timed for a friends cafe on the weekend to get some money for a gift

you and him meet up at the public library to try and study, but get distracted because you text each other even though you’re a foot apart

‘hey, chemistry sucks’

‘you know what doesn’t suck? my cute face’

‘agreed’

haechan sends you memes he made of jisung himself

you keep asking to meet mark because, most of the dating advice haechan gets is fro him but haechan is just like ‘mark’s a loser,,,,,,,,,,but he’s my big brother and he’d say something to embarrass me.’

you do meet mark when he comes back on college break and he does tell you something embarrassing. it’s that haechan doesn’t shuttup about you.

haechan teaches you some songs on the piano, you two stay late after school and the music teacher entrusts you with the keys to the room

but it’s nice, to be there with him in the soft evening glow of the sunet - no noisy kids in the halls, just you

your first kiss is outside of the music room, with haechan’s hand on your waist and his nervous laughter afterwords, because he’s confident but ,,,,,,a first kiss is really something else

but you reassure him, when you kiss him a second time before getting on your bus home and haechan walks to the subway, dizzy with glee

haechan doesn’t do pda persay, but he does do little things that are cute

he’ll lay his hand flat on your desk, looking at his textbook like he didn’t just do that and you’ll giggle and hold his hand or play with his fingers

one time you kissed them and haechan blushed deeper red than you thought was humanly possible, but he likes it,,,

other cute quirks; calls you nicknames that have to do with your clumsiness, compliments you when you least expect it, sends you his favorite instrumentals when you say you can’t fall asleep because he knows they can calm you down, has your favorite snacks memorized so he know what to get you without asking, haechan would probably read your horoscope to you everyday if you were into horoscopes like he’s that kind of boy

also if you’re ever upset by something or someone, haechan has the kind of skills that will uplift you in ways you never thought possible. with possible jabs at what made you upset here and there

he might be ‘sarcastic’ to some people, but with you he is nothing but truthful and gentle. he can make jokes and be playful, but his love is real and strong and if anyone hurts it - he goes after them like bad blood

always ends his texts with “stay safe” if you’re going anywhere

and totally leaves his cardigan on purpose on the back of your chair in class if he sees that you’re cold

mark: can’t believe you’re soft for someone haechan

haechan: im not,,,soft

mark: their name in your phone has three heart emojis next to it

haechan:,,,,,,,,,and yours has three poop emojis now goodbye

(he is soft for you tho, fyi ^^)

#alright here is the first hs!au i hope its ok! feel free to tell me ur opinions ^^#haechan scenarios #donghyuck scenarios #nct 127 scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct scenarios #haechan imagines #donghyuck imagines #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct 127 imagines #haechan #nct dream #nct 127 #sfw #lee donghyuck #highschool!au

2K notes · View notes

brown-rice · 6 years

Text

Tagged by @cafe-et-tiramisu for the “Truths Tag” thing (*・∀-)☆

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you respond with truths about you and choose 25 people to be tagged.

Tagging @transbakugoukatsuki @rmxstudiojd @leetaliel @kronchip @disney-princess-izuku @bean-paste-man @maytheamazing if you wanna do it.

I wrote so much OTL

Last:

Drink: Earl grey tea + milk

Phone Call: My sister telling me she was outside w/ my boba and food

Text Message: From my new friend Dean asking for help on the lab and about watching Violet Evergarden

Song you listened to: Kyouran Hey Kids!! - The Oral Cigarettes

Time you cried: Uhhhhh Tuesday morning having a meltdown over my midterms :^)

Have you ever:

Dated someone twice: If cheesy middle school romances count, then yeah

Been cheated on: Hmm, no even tho we were together all but in name

Kissed someone and regretted it: OML YEAH FUCK THAT GUY FROM AX

Lost someone special: Oh yep, last year I lost a lot of close friends b/c we’d just grown too far apart and they didn’t care about me anymore

Been depressed: /sweats nervously

Been drunk and thrown up: During fam reveal, I went too hard and overdid it, but was also proud b/c my limit is higher than I thought it would be KEK

In the past year have you:

Made a new friend: I made quite a few chill friends from the server and have slowly been making friends here and there at school!

Fallen out of love: I think so, I was in love w/ my childhood friend for a long amount of time, but I feel alright about it now

Met someone who changed you?: I don’t think I’ve met just one person who changed me since the “me” now is a culmination of my experiences/interactions w/ a lot of people

Found out who your true friends are: Sort of, although a little unfortunately haha. I’m thankful for those that did stick by me, but it resulted in me realizing that some people I thought would be a “true friend” were just taking advantage of me. srry im still a little salty/bitter abt this but im working thru it

Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah? Past hs me would have been really mad about it, but current me doesn’t care enough lol

General:

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: I know quite a few friends from band and high school, my server friends (who I’ve seen in pics or have heard in calls), and mutuals I’ve messaged

Do you have any pets?: YES I LOVE MY DOG HACHI, we also have a lot of fish in tanks and the koi pond back home. By extension, my roommate’s cat Sake is pretty much my cat now huehueh

Do you want to change your name?: Nope, I’ve never been much fixated on it besides how long my full name is

What time did you wake up this morning?: I technically didn’t sleep since I was studying for my ochem midterm and i got my ass handed to me in test form anyway

What were you doing last night?: procrastinating, lab hw, and studying for ochem

Name something you cannot wait for: On a smaller scale: AX. Long term: I just wanna be out of school, in a job that I kinda like and is stable enough so that I can commission all my friends and finally have a place of my own that I can decorate and call home without feeling lonely or suffocated

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: My brother-in-law’s name is Tom haha

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: Mainly classes and school since I still feel wrong about my career path, I had to drop a class, and my anal chem lab is frustrating the shit out of me. I miss cc

Blood type: I’m pretty sure it’s O+, but it could be O-

Nickname: Besides “Steph,” I’ve had a lot of nicknames over the years. Memorable ones are Stephie/Stephy, Steve, Vending Machine, Beanie Head, and “mom.” Neko and Mocha told me to add “daddy” and I die a little inside

Relationship status: Single and don’t really care to mingle LMAO

Zodiac sign: Ox and Cancer w/ Gemini ascendant

Pronouns: She/her, but don’t mind they/them

Favorite show: If we’re talking actual TV then Friends, B99, ATLA, Chopped, Voltron, Gravity Falls, and Danny Phantom. If it’s anime then /sweats as I look at all these shows

College: Transfer student from Mt. Sac now going to UCSD and i wanna mcfuckin die ayyy lmao

Hair color: It’s dark brown/black w/ light brown where the sun hits

Do you have a crush on someone?: Currently no, but I am low key flirting with Dean oops

What do you like about yourself?: Maybe the fact that it’s very hard to make me legit mad, but beyond that /sweats profusely

Firsts:

First surgery: Unless wisdom teeth removal counts, none yet

First Piercing: My mom got my ears pierced when I was like 1

First sport you joined: I think I took karate for a little in 4th grade?? I joined tennis and marching band at the same time officially in 8th grade

First vacation: Hmmm, I think I remember one of the first things we did when we came to America was go to Disneyland

First pair of sneakers: Oddly enough I remember my little slip-on Sketchers that were purple and white with pink, purple, and blue flowers

Right now:

Eating: Dino nuggets /w bbq sauce, and I might make some noodles b/c I’m still so hungry oml

Drinking: A fresh cup of early grey + milk

Listening to: Whatever’s playing in the DJ booth, which is Reach You - Sako Tomohisa

Want kids?: At some point yeah, I’m also pretty sure I’m gonna adopt at least 1 kid whether I have my own or not

Get married?: Maybe. That’s a problem for future me, but if I happen to meet someone(s) good for me, then sure

Career: After bouncing around a bit, I think I’ve settled into chemistry for forensics w/ specialization in pharmacology and toxicology. It still doesn’t feel quite right to me, but it’s the best I’ve got

Which is better?:

Lips or eyes?: Eyes, since I think eye contact can tell you a lot about a person

Hugs or kisses?: Hugs, but I’m big on personal space and barely accept hugs from even my closest friends, plus there’s some weird belief that I don’t like hugs?? and idk where that came from

Shorter or taller: I oddly like being the shortest person in a group?? So I prefer if people are taller than me

Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker, I really can’t stand it when people are super hesitant or can’t make decisions. I’m rly tired of having to make decisions all the time

Romantic or spontaneous: Both, but I think I lean a little more towards spontaneity since I’m a person who likes careful planning. Romance is whatever for me, so I’d rather have someone push me to be a little more spontaneous

Sensitive or loud: A balance of both would be preferable, but if I had to pick, then loud. I’m a lot more introverted than I was before and prefer if people are a little more extroverted than I am but have a level of chill where silences are comfortable

Hookup or relationship?: Relationship. I don’t really do hookups. I know I could, and I’ve been asked to before, but I’m not really big on sex

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger: Technically AX boy counts b/c I met him 2 days before we made out lmao

Drank hard liquor: Yeah, but I’m not super big on drinking and just enjoy a smirnoff ice/mike’s hard every so often

Lost contacts/glasses: Nope, surprisingly I haven’t lost my glasses yet

Sex on first date: Likely never, they’d have to be someone who I mesh with super well for that to happen

Broken someone’s heart: A few yeah. Apparently I broke my friend’s roommate so bad that every time he’d drink he’d just talk about how I was the one who got away

Been arrested: Not yet

Turned someone down: /sweats Yeah, a lot. I don’t mean this in a bragging way, because I always feel ridiculously bad about it, but my friends joke about me being “unattainable” and a heart-breaker all the time _(:3」∠)_

Fallen for a friend: I’ve only ever fallen for close friends oops

Do you believe:

In yourself?: Not at all

Love at first sight?: I think it’s out there, just not for me

#tagged #personal #about me #ty for the tag friend #just chilling before maybe another nap and then i get up to do actual work LMAO

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cypresstrees · 7 years

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i was tagged by @thecolormagicmakes -- thank you sb!!

rules: answer these 85 things and tag 20 ppl

i’m not tagging 20 people but i no-pressure tag @boykingsqueen, @madzie-bane, and @boycga, and anyone else who wants to do this can say i tagged them :)

THE LAST:

1. drink: water

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: from my camp squad group chat

4. song you listened to: breaking free from hsm (i was having a Nostalgic Moment leave me alone)

5. time you cried: two weeks ago when i read a transcript of rick riordan’s acceptance speech for winning a 2017 stonewall award (listen... it was a really great speech ok) (i’m linking it so you all can cry too)

6. dated someone twice: nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it: yes

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: yes

10. been depressed: yes

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nopeee

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. green

13. dark pink

14. gray

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. made new friends: i don’t think so?? yikes

16. fallen out of love: nope

17. laughed until you cried: yes!!

18. found out someone was talking about you: haha yes i was vagued about on someone’s finsta and it was honestly one of the crowning achievements of my life (except it also made me nervous as hell but shh)

19. met someone who changed you: idk tbh

20. found out who your friends are: yeah i guess

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: not to sound like a grandparent but umm what is a facebook list? i don’t use fb often enough to have friend lists lmao

GENERAL:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them

23. do you have any pets: no, which is sad

24. do you want to change your name: i don’t think so

25. what did you do for your last birthday: my closest friends came over and we went to dinner

26. what time do you wake up: haha great question. up until i graduated hs i got up at 6 but somehow i don’t think that’s gonna continue into college so who tf knows on school days. rn it’s usually around 10

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: texting with my gf and watching izombie sdcc videos

28. name something you can’t wait for: to find out my roommate for college bc i’m Nervous

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 2 hours ago

31. what are you listening to right now: nothing except these two clocks that are ticking half seconds apart and also the blood rushing behind my ears so that’s disconcerting

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yup

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my One Friend in croatia and i are really bad at texting each other and when we’re not together it always feels like she's humoring me and i’m always worried i’m too much of a burden on her when i’m here bc we both know she’s my only friend... even though i have a feeling really the problem is that i’m not the best at writing in croatian and we don’t have much to relate to when we’re not hanging out irl bc when we are together it’s gr8 i still feel like i’m an inconvenience to her (wow hello insecurities)

34. most visited website: tumblr (yikes)

35. hair color: brown

36. long or short hair: short!! which was the best decision i’ve made in the last year ngl

37. do you have a crush on someone: my gf

38. what do you like about yourself: ask me again tomorrow. idk, i like to think that i’m pretty easygoing and thoughtful??

41. nickname: miči, mimi (my mom) or meech (my dad bc he’s american and you can tell)

43. zodiac: gemini

44. pronouns: any

45. favourite tv show: currently izombie or in the flesh

46. tattoos: i don’t have any but i’d like one

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: none beyond bone resetting

50. sport: soccer is my main but i also run (rip the shape i was in when i ran track lmao i miss that)

51. vacation: visiting croatia and/or serbia always

52. pair of trainers: i mostly wear vans i guess

MORE GENERAL:

53. eating: nothing atm but i had beans for dinner

54. drinking: water

55. I’m about to: go to bed probably

56. waiting for: s4 of izombie haha see you next april

57. want: to do ok at college

58. get married: whoa there who knows tbh

59. career: HAHAHA i have no fucking clue but my gf always jokes that i should run nasa’s instagram

WHICH IS BETTER:

60. hugs or kisses: hugs

61. lips or eyes: either is fine

62. shorter or taller: both

63. older or younger: both as long as the age difference isn’t wild

64. nice arms or nice stomach: i do not have a preference

65. hook up or relationship: definitely relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: nope

68. drank hard liquor: yes and i am not a fan (getting flak from everyone for not liking rakija 2k17)

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: nope!! something i am very proud of since i’ve been wearing glasses since i was 10 and contacts since i was 14

70. turned someone down: no (therein lies the core of my 8-9th grade issues)

71. sex on the first date: no way

72. broken someone’s heart: yeah i think so

73. had your heart broken: yes but by a friend not by a datemate

74. been arrested: nope

75. cried when someone died: yes

76. fallen for a friend: yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: ummmm occasionally

78. miracles: not really

79. love at first sight: no

80. santa claus: nope

81. kiss on the first date: not my style but i have no problem with other people doing it as long as everyone involved wants to

82. angels: ehhh

OTHER:

83. current best friend’s name: sadie

84. eye color: gray

85. favorite movie: atm probably the new spiderman but in general i’m not a huge movie person. all time ironic fav is forever hsm2 though

#tag game #stuff for ts #julia needs to shut up

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starryevening · 7 years

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ahh. im glad I'm back in the city and back in my own apartment because being at home visiting my parents is. Hard. It gets harder every time I go back for a variety of reasons. but it only takes a few hours for The Loneliness to set in after I get back to the city though. I don’t really miss my family, but when I’m at home I’m within arms reach of like two whole friends sometimes more, and a day’s road trip away from four other really good friends. I’m so happy I got to see them!!! and I spent a lot of time with them and I love them with all my big dumb heart but going back. is always. hard. Really hard. i don’t do social stuff in the city, I don't have any really close friends here. it’s. a struggle. i got to visit some of my old hs teachers when I went to maine and I really value getting to talk to them/see them bcs they’re really really wonderful mentor figures ( and like.....definitely part of why I'm even slightly decent as a human and made it out of maine/hs at all ), but when i was talking to one of them there was just this crushing conversation we got into about living away from home. He asked me like hey how do you deal with the loneliness? A lot of kids who come from maine and move away to other states get really really homesick and return. and i. don't know how i deal with it aside from Poorly. I don’t really miss much about my home. I think distance really makes my relationship with my family better and less strained, sometimes i pine a little for the lakes and oceans and wilderness of home but I’m glad I’m not trapped in the middle of nowhere, as stressful as it can be for the most part i genuinely enjoy my classes and getting to make art on the regular, even if its something i know isn't sustainable beyond college, and most of the friends I had in high school I don’t talk to anymore, not really for negative reasons just drifting apart and junk. but like. My best friend lives in maine, and like, my four other like closest friends live on the east coast too and a handful of other people and it sucks!! coming back and being alone. again. I’m so lucky and happy I get to spend time with people I care about and people who care about me but it’s always so. hard to go back to nothingness. i know a few people out here but it’s not even remotely to the same extent. i have a handful of acquaintances and some sorta friends but no one I'm really close to, i never go out, i never do things. every day I go to class, and go home to my apartment and stay there. that’s it that’s all I do genuinely. i have some friends in the midwest but like. three. or so, compared to like five or six and the closest ones are like four, and nine hours away by train respectively. i’ll probably delete this later but everyone I normally talk to is asleep and there’s a catharsis to typing out how I'm feeling and journaling/venting is something I rather purposefully stopped doing for stupid reasons and should probably work on doing again. i just am sad. i miss people. I don't like being alone. tl;dr; i’m a dumb child who’s lonely and cries about it and its gross.

#personal #:( hhhhhh

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dmallpersonalblog-blog · 5 years

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March 15 2019

Today was my first day of therapy. it was a nice change of events in my current headspace and a step in the right direction. For the longest time I was afraid to admit that I needed help. That maybe I really couldn't do everything alone or in private.

After my session my first immediate response was to eat a cheeseburger, and damn do i regret that. Greasy food and all that doesn't settle with me and I had to put in double the time at the gym to burn off the calories. But, i guess thats why they call it stress eating. The gym has been a good outlet lately for my stress and anxiety and all the sadness i’ve been sitting on for so long. A thing that I do want to change in regard to that is I find myself repeating either “Dancing in the Dark” by Joji, “Crying Over You” by Honne, or “Almost (Sweet Music)” by Honne. All good songs on their own, but just have a deeper personal feeling in regards to my mental health and this overwhelming feeling of sadness or missing my ex. Something I want to try and do is just refer to her as my ex versus her name. In essence ridding myself of her name so theres no hope of getting back together. But fuck. I do miss her.

Back onto topic for today, my first instinct after my appointment (and cheeseburger) was to put my chair back in the car and call my closest friends. I wanted to call my friend Monica, but with everything going on lately its just so hard to dial those numbers or to see the responses she sends me. It feels like she doesn’t even care anymore. I always though that our friendship was something that transcended time or the long periods of maybe not saying anything. I felt like i’ve been there for her when she needed it, but the one mental breakdown since HS, and she’s nowhere to be found. Its ok though, I’ll always have love for her and I want her to be happy especially if she found someone she can love also. It just hurts not being able to talk to someone that you need to.

I really wanted to call Ashley today also but I know she has work. I sent her my previous post yesterday and I felt like she didn't really read it or acknowledge it. It’s okay though. Im sure she has life and work and her own shit going on. Something I need to realize is that everyone cant be your crutch or your lifeline and people have things they need too. I wish her the best.

The talk I had with Derek today was a bit hit and miss for me. I appreciate that he listens and lets me open up to him about stuff, but when he said that he doesn’t know or think depression medication is something he believes in or wants to do kinda upsets me. It was hard for me to open up about it, for as long as I can remember its always been a sign of weakness and its very hard to open up about stuff like that. It is what it is though, because I am getting help to benefit others and not everyone. Something thats new to me. Doing stuff for myself mentally.

The best medicine lately has been talking to my friend Jessica. Originally I just thought it would be nice to talk to someone whose been over a recent breakup lately too and we could be sad and emo together and shit. But honestly its been a lot more than that. It is nice to talk to someone that gives a shit to be frank. Someone who acknowledges what I’ve been going though, someone who just thinks i’ll instantly get better with time and recognizes the work I’ve been trying to put in to better myself. When I called her she just seemed so proud of me that I took the step to see someone and better myself. She didn't make snide comments about needing possible anti depressants. She just made me feel safe and acknowledged. The only thing I can really hope for tbh. Definitely someone I can open up to and share my journey with and when it hopefully ends one day, we can both look back and smile because we got through it together.

In regards to my therapy. I want to be more open and honest with my therapist. It felt like she knew what I was going through and had sympathy. She made me feel like I wanted a reason to live. A reason to keep on going. She told me to go easier on myself, something that I really want to do. I want to live for myself and not for others. I don’t want to burden people. I don’t want to let people know that i’m struggling so bad that sometimes I lay in bed and think that if I jumped off a cliff everything would be ok. I hate that it takes me forever to get out of bed because this paralyzing sense of fear and embarrassment creeps in and makes you hide under the covers and make you think about all the good memories you had in the past 4 year and replaces them with the love you thought you had sucking another dudes dick or laughing at you while she gets fingered by your ex bestfriend. Depression feels like getting a dick constantly jammed into your ear. It sucks and it hurts and why the fuck would you even want a dick in your ear. I hate that we broke up and I also hate the feeling that maybe I needed it to discover more about myself and my happiness. TBH I wasn't happy the past 8 months. I was only happy when I was with her, and thats something I need to change. To be happy on my own. But, i wish i didnt see that youtube search awhile back. Or to see her moving on with someone else, that would hurt way too fucking much.

Other than talking about myself and my issues, we talked about the term co-dependent and what that means. I feel like I was so codependent on her that it was hard to do things on my own. That i wanted to spend all the moments i could and when she wasn't able to, what was I supposed to do? I loved her so much and even after 4 years I loved her as much as our first time together, or our 1 year anniversary. Or just laying in bed kissing and promising our futures together. I love deeply and passionately and I don’t want to be ashamed of that. What is so wrong about loving your partner to the fullest? Caring about their future, and their well being and how they are doing. But recently, I feel like if i were to even go back into the dating scene I couldn’t. Hook up culture scares me. Sex without love scares me. Finding your “soul mate” scares me, because I dont even know what I want yet.

My therapist said that we did spend our first 4 years of our adult lives with each other and not knowing anything else really hurts you, especially with a clean break from each other. I just hope it gets easier with time. I’m hurting and it really shows.

I need a break from social media for awhile. I need a break from my feelings for awhile also.

In regards to my mental health though... there are still a lot of days where I don’t want to do much and I do think about just ending it all. But I know i cant do that. I dont want my parents or relatives or friends deal with that and emotionally fuck them up. But, I also want a reason for me not to end my life and want to live versus wanting others to want me to live. I just need that reason.

Im stressed out about finding a job. I feel like if it was hard to find one in CA, it might be even harder here. Im stressed out about my living situation. I just wish they wanted me here more, or that I didn’t feel like an nuisance or a bother.

I wish I had more friends out here to hangout with or get a drink or just do something fun. Its been lonely if im being 100% honesty. I’m so grateful for my sister though, shes been helping me out so much. I love her so much and I just hope my mental health isnt fucking with hers. She deserves the world and more.

Im glad i’ve been writing these blog posts to empty out my emotions and all those feelings. For the first time in a long time i’m hopeful for the future.

ALSO; i’m nervous about anti depressants. Theres such a stigma towards them and I hope i don’t become reliant on them just like I was reliant on my ex. But, deep down I know i need them to be better and feel better.

If you’ve gotten this far thank you for reading and letting me vent out my feelings and my hopes and sadness. I hope I can be a more contributing member to society one day.

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atiellefilletmignon · 7 years

Text

Hard to Explain

Mann Idk what it is but honestly the past few nights I’ve been feeling like I need to let things out. I’m not sure what it is, it has to be something. Don’t get me wrong, I am not sad or depressed or whatsoever. I just feel I need to write. So it’s almost 2am right now and I’m about to write a recap of my life so far.

1996: I was born in the Manila, Philippines. Tondo to be exact. June 4, my mom gave birth to me. Never met my dad, but my mama raised me well. Pretty damn great. 2000: My mom moved to California. The cliche filipinos moving to America to make better money and provide for their family back home. Hey I’m not hating, she had to do what she had to do. 2003: Hmm not sure but I’m guessing this was the year I started 1st grade at Manila Cathedral School. But yes if it was, man I met a lot of people through this school. The system is designed for us to be close to our classmates because we stay with the same 30+ people the whole year. And along with that, there are other batches with the same amount of students. I stayed in this school till 4th grade. In that four years I went through a few good memories. I made friends, and a few of them I considered bestfriends. I can still name a few that I remember, only because I have them as friends on facebook. But hey there’s always this one person from that school that I’ll never forget. My “puppy crush”, thats what they call it I guess. She was my first crush, her name is Abby. I remember getting teased about it almost everyday but I was an innocent little kid so nothing really happened. One reason why I’ll never forget about her is because my mom has our picture framed and its chillin in my living room. Im guessing she shipped us. But thinking about it now maybe catching up with her would be a pretty cool idea. Well we’ll see since I’m going back to the PI this June. So for now, that story is to be continued. 2006: Growing up in the Philippines was fun, no doubt. Since my mom left for LA, I was mainly raised by my lola. I called her mama too. I’ll be honest I was closer to my lola than I was to my own mother but I’m pretty sure everyone understood why. She raised me, protected me, disciplined me, showed me God, and taught me to be respectful. Everyone, pretty much took care of me. I was the favorite nephew, not to be cocky. Until December 2nd of 2006, when My lolo, my lola, and I flew to LA to reunite and live with my mom. A lot of things changed, and it changed really quick. It was almost shocking. 2007: I moved to the US for good, which meant new school, new friends, new culture, and well new everything. My mom sent me to go to St. Martha’s to continue my 4th grade year. She didn’t want to send me to a public school because she didn’t think I was ready. But knowing what I know now, I’m thankful she sent me to go to St. Martha’s because I had some of the best memories there. This is where I met my closest friends specially my best friend. I’m so thankful because they were patient with me, being fob and all they didn’t abandon me. They took me in and treated me as one of them. 2008-2010: School was tough, but I slowly adopted to it. 4th grade, I was very quiet. Didn’t know a lot of english yet. 5th grade, I was still quiet and just went school and home. But came 6th grade I became more comfortable. I started being active, joining sports and other school activities. I was mainly focused on flag football and basketball. But hey it was something. I started talking a lot and making more friends. 2010: This year impacted my life in such a huge and different way. This was the year full of challenges to my family. In the middle of the year my Lola was diagnosed with brain cancer. At that age, I didn’t know what it was or how bad it was until I saw the struggle and the emotions my mom and my other family are showing. My lola fought, and I’m proud of her. But November 3, 2010 my family and I gained an angel. An angel that I’m sure is watching every step of the way. Still supporting us, caring for us, and loving us like she’s always done. Mama I miss you, and I will always always love you. Thank you for everything. 2011: Losing my lola wasn’t easy for me, but we had to keep living. This was my 8th grade year. My prime. I joined almost every school events, activities. I was close with my teacher and I was well known. I was pretty much the clown of the class. This was the beginning of the Atielle you all know now. Hypey. June 4th, I graduated from St. Martha’s. I know, same day as my bday but oh well, wait till you find out what day my HS graduation was. Anyway, this was also the year that I started high school. Freshman year. Man oh man, crazy. I went to Bishop Amat, it was way different than St. Martha’s. I went from being the alpha dog to starting all over at the bottom again. New people, new culture, and new environment. But hey I did the best I could. I joined a club, made friends that I’m still good friends with till this day, and I did well in my classes. 2012: But that all comes to an end because I moved school just cause it got too expensive. So this is when my whole Nogales High School life begins. Same thing. New school, new people, new environment, and new culture. But I did have my bestfriend here, Ethan. Even though I had him at the same school it was still different. I was shocked, coming from Bishop it was hella different. Well to be exact, it was ghetto. The place was dirty, there were cholos, fights everywhere, and too many stereotypes. It took me the whole first semester to get used to it. But for 4 months all I did was school and then home. 2013: I started being more active at school. I met a new group of friends. I got lucky. I met some real good ones. This year I also got my license. And sophomore year just happened too fast. 2014: Junior year was the turning point of my HS days. This was when I became more social. I had a very close group, we called ourselves BcFam. I still do till this day, but of course it’s not the same as it was back when we were just in high school. Hmm I learned a few things this year. Tried a lot for the first time. I started to smoke hookah, I tried weed once this year, I probably had my first alcohol, I attempted to talk to a girl (i’ll tell you later what happened here), I guess you can say that this was the year my whole living in a perfect world, protected by a bubble ended. My bubble popped. I was exposed to real life. 2014: I have to tell you about that girl cause this was really the first time I tried getting at a girl and honestly I don’t know how it started. To keep it short, she and I were close friends, even called each other best friends until everyone noticed that we could be more than that so they shipped us. They started teasing us and I guess thats when I developed feelings for her. So spring break 2014, known to me as Waded. Cause this was the first time I got faded and it was at the beach. So beach day was when our friendship moved up to a different gear. You know, the talking gear. So it was established that I was trying, but after 2 weeks she told me she can’t do it. I was alright, I thought I was heart broken but later on in my life I find out the real definition of being heart broken. Anyway, a week later she decided she was wrong and we tried again. Same thing happened, she was confused. So I stopped trying and since then things got awkward between us. Keep in mind she was part of my close group of friends so it was really awkward and plus it was hs so we were all immature still. But yea! Junior year ended pretty dope. 2014 (summer): This has got to be the most interesting summer I’ve ever had. Around July, I joined the basketball team. New coach so he didnt have a favoritism, thats why I made the team. But yea varsity, I didn’t play much but i still did it. I lost a lot of weight in 3 months. I went from 210 to probably 170. I mean I was skinny. We were dying. I love my team, we went through hell and back together. 2014 (senior year): So 1st semester of my senior year. I’m back! Back to being an alpha dog, I never liked admitting it but I was popular around school. I was one of those asian dudes. I was in basketball, I joined renaissance to dance for my class, and I was in choir. Oh and keep in my i was about 170lbs, I was fire. Around September, I was nominated to be part of the homecoming court and to run as homecoming king. Honestly I still dont know how or why I was nominated but oh well. I was pretty much shipped with the only other asian of the court. Keep in mind, I’ve had a crush on this girl since junior year. Never really planned ok doing something about it until that whole homecoming event happened. I ended up asking her to be my date for homecoming, and things led to more things between us. She became my girlfriend. My first girlfriend. Man I turned into a simp ass dude. So it was pretty much, basketball, her, and my friends all senior year. Wasn’t all perfect mixing all of those together but somehow it happened. 2015: Class of 2015 woohoo! So basketball took over my senior year, and when season ended in February is when I actually started enjoying my senior year. I got to hang out more, with my friends and ofcourse my girlfriend at the time. It was cool! Dramas here and there but it was cool. I think 1st week of May was when my ex broke up with me. I didnt know what to feel about it. First time having a “heart break”. But nah I was alright, mainly because not a lot of things happened between us anyways. Not even a kiss. I was sad but it was alright. I spent the last month of senior year, having fun with my friends. Fixed all the drama that happened and just made sure we went out with a bang. Shit, well like I said June 4th, I graduated again. There goes my high school memories. 2015 (summer): The day after graduation I went to the beach with my group of friends. It was dope! Emotional. Just what we all needed. Around those times I also rekindled with my ex. Lets just say I wasnt the one to reach out. But yes one thing led to another. We got back together. This time it was different. We matured. Our relationship got deeper. First everything. Kiss and ALL that. Okay that’s it, I’m not gonna elaborate on that anymore. 2015 (college): I started an LVN program, 15 month program. This was the time where I mainly focused on school and my gf at the time. I distant myself from my other friends well maybe except for my best friend. But knowing what I know now, I wish I didn’t distant myself as much. I wish I knew how to balance already, but hey I was still learning. Oh First week of August, I moved in a new house too! Same house as I am in right now. 2016: School was going great, I learned to love nursing even more. I was exposed to the medical life. How it could be hard at times but worth it. Around April or May of this year however, we broke up again. But this time it was for good. It was her choice, I don’t know exactly why but I had to respect that. This is when the real heart break happened. I had my heart totally broken into pieces. Sounds dramatic but so was I around that time. It took me awhile to get over it, probably 6-7 months? I dont know, but awhile. I learned to let go and forgive. I went on with life, I finished my school on November. And I became close with my friends again. And this time, I know not to take them for granted. 2017: I went to Philippines for 2 weeks. A much needed vacation. It was short, but it’s alright because I’ll be back in a month. For my bday :) As of right now, I took a break from school and gonna wait till After I get back from philippines to take my NCLEX. So tumblr, for now thank you for listening. Brb, gonna continue life. Well gonna sleep first then continue life. Gnight its 3:20am.

#atielle

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