#im tired of everything i just want to disappear

[marthebreezy]

I just need someone to touch me.

I don't care which way.

Hateful, lovingly,sadly. I don't care.

Just hold me.

PLEASE.

#hell is a teenage girl #female manipulator #female hysteria #girlblogging #female rage #girl interrupted #im just a girl #just girly things #femcel #girlhood #female insanity #im so tired #im slowly going insane #who am i? #i hate everything #i want to disappear #why me

[innielove]

.

#can't wait for the moment when i finally snap and cut ties with literally everyone and i go to a cave and go mad there all alone #I want to make and maintain relationships but it's so fucking hard when i feel like im bothering everyone and no one ever needs me #literally haven't made a single friend in the past 2 years in university I'm only talking to people when we are in the same class #or when we meet somewhere in the uni buildings and we bitch about teachers and assignments or group projects we are working on together #i barely have any high school friends too like. i gave up on keeping in touch with people because i always feel like no one gives a fuck #about me and im always the one trying to arrange meet ups and whatever #im only talking more to one of my closest friends from hs because we are living in the same apartment during the semester #but also i fucking hate it how when people actually message me i just get overwhelmed and i dont reply for hours or days even #because fuck me why would i be able to perform a simple social interaction #im tired of everything i just want to disappear #also haha sorry for not doing shit on this blog except for the occasional rants and non skz reblogs :))) #shut up vivien no one cares

[moenmomentsthemoe-en]

#tomorrow..................... #delete later #vent #more vent in tags (it gets heavy sorry) #it is like 4am and ik theres a rule that you should never trust what you feel about your life after 3am but i feel like this 24/7 WAHA #mann i #im so fucking scared that im not a good person or friend or anything im trying so hard #i dont know why i feel hurt by things i shouldnt feel hurt by and i dont know why i keep failing to do the things i want to do or #god it probably isnt right for me to vent. i think? i dont know honestly i dont know anything #i dont know anything #i have such amazing friends and people around me theyre good people #im so tired and am so very tempted to just delete this blog delete my socials and disappear off earth or just live as a husk by ignoring al #my emotions and incapabilities and stop bothering everyone #everything is so so confusing and everything has gone to shit around me but the people around me arent at fault theyre good people #it has to be that im not trying hard enough #god i have no idea if im a good person. i dont know if a good person has this much trouble and dumbassery #i am. an adult. 18. adult. i have to be #god i wish i could have an adult to help me out but its just. its just me. its a problem i made and surely only i can figure it out

[yaoiconnoisseur]

I’m feeling deeply unhappy with everything and I’m unsure if it’s due to stress or if it’s the depression

#or maybe it’s a mixture of both #:/ #this has probably been the shittiest holiday season ive had in a long time #definitely not the worst. but no where close to one of the best #i just want to curl up and disappear for a while #im so tired of dealing with my partner’s mom and sister #theyre so high strung. i cant deal with it #not with everything else going on #and now i have news that my mom’s husband is having really bad medical issues to the point where #they’re discussing what happens if he dies #and im like. idk. half numb to it half super upset #i like him ig but it’s more i like him because he makes my mom happy #im mostly just upset with the idea of my mom being widowed twice #i probably need therapy for how i feel towards him since 90% of it is ‘keep him at arms length so i dont get attached to #and lose another father figure that my mom is with’ #what sucks is if he does die i’ll have to do that whole funeral without my partner since he cant travel due to recovering from his own sur #gery #god. fuck. can i catch a goddamn break? #anyway thanks for reading if you made it this far lol #i just needed a moment to vent #they speak

[tortademaracuya]

Lalala im just venting in the tags

#im so sad lately and i hate it #wanting to cry out of nowhere. being unable to even take care of myself or others #i just want to lay down and rot while these feelings of loneliness overwhelm me #i know i should ask for help and part of me wants to. but the one i reached out didnt turn out okay #i dont want to be the type of friend that only asks for stuff #and iknow i mustnot be very fun like this. soasking for people to keep me company feels selfish #not only that but. admitting how i am...feels pathetic everytime myfriends ask how im doing #its pathetic to admit ican barely take care of myself because ima little sad. that i cant find joy in anything or do the things i have to do #everything feels so tiring and wrong and lonely. eachday that passes i feel worse #even in a group of friends i feel so lonely and thats unfair to the. who havent done no wrong #my head is just broken and i feel like i should just disappear so everyone dont have to worry about me #haunted.txt

[bo0zey]

i’m a plague to everyone’s life i ever come in contact with

#selfish stupid girl selfish stupid girl #ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they #everyone knew all along u were never something worth caring for. #i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous #all i do is hurt people even if i never intended to i still always do it to everyone im so tired of being me #’m so tired of being an awful person. i say i want to love and care about people but i can’t do it right #i say i love everyone in my life more than they love me but maybe it’s not true because you don’t hurt the people you love #i wish it was 5 years later and i could die already im so sick of myself i’m a plague to my own life #ngl almost passing out at riot fest kinda opened my eyes more to death #after the bouts of nausea and dyspnea and everything suddenly got soft and fuzzy and far away #all i could feel was empty space around me buzzing softly my body felt so light #i closed my eyes and saw purple and blue stage lights flashing and blurring above me. i felt like i was high the world was so far away #it was just me and i couldn’t support this airy weak body i felt like licorice i wobbled i think #it felt like hours time was so still and then the colors disappeared and all i saw was fuzzy black faded television screen #then i opened my eyes and saw security directly in front of me reaching towards me and then blinked and it was black again #opened my eyes and realized i was being pulled over the barrier #i was still in a hazy state but it slowly lifted enough for me to feel shame again and be able to walk myself to the medical tent #i wish security hadn’t pulled me out. i wish i could’ve died then . those seconds that felt like hours thst felt like i was dying. #there was no pain or nausea anymore. no gasping for air. i felt like an angel #i’m so sleepy i’m going to sleep now i guess #can barely keep my eyes open it feels so good to check out of existence #ramblings

[hello-yue-here]

hi i hate adobe premiere and adobe audition thats all

#no its not ur gonna read the tags and find out exactly why i hate them #because i get these for free because of my school or whatever right so i have to use them for my classes #and as a film major #i use these A LOT #and i am in THREE production courses this semester (two is the most ppl usually take at once but i decided to make my life hard) #so as u can imagine i have a LOT of projects to do that require premiere and audition (the video and audio editing suites from adobe) #AND EVERY FUCKING TIME #i always end up with half of my footage mysteriously disappearing EVEN THOUGH i triple save everything and make sure its all there- #-before i close the program SO LET ME KNOW HOW WHEN IM POSITIVE MY SHITS RIGHT HALF OF IT IS GONE THE NEXT DAY. HOW. HOW DOES IT HAPPEN. #it also just decides to like ruin al my projects right #so today for example #i wanted to add some reverb to an audio track right nothing major literally so simple #and i go to hit apply #AND AUDITION JUST ??? REMOVES ALL OF THE SOUND ALL TOGETHER???? WHAT???? #i was so lost #i saved my project and went to submit it and ONCE AGAIN it is soundless but it says an audio is playing but theres nothing #so i go back to audition and everything fine! #i double check how i saved i looked up the proper save procedure just in case i did something to just not save the audio #which again- how can i possibly save a SILENT AUDIO FILE like thats literally just a file of nothing #so i decide fuck it its 3 am and im tired im just gonne record the finished audio file in my VOICE RECORDING APP ON MY PHONE just in case #if i have to whip out my phone during class to present this im actually gonna stand in front of a stampede of bulls

[celeryw]

✌️ i will not have a job next year ✌️

#i think i'll take a break though i've saved enough that i don't have to worry too much i'll just cut back on spending uhhh on everything #cel speaks #im so so tired i just need like eight months of nothing so i can work on things i wanna do #and i will 👍 be in vibe city #(worried) #but the customer service manager did say something abt potentially coming back and just switching departments ? #so there's at least something there to fall back on #but i do want to make like a hermit and disappear?

[d3athanddecay1]

Just got yelled at over text for talking at the lowest volume I possibly could, love living back at home ♥︎

#So basically Im getting drunkernand playing a game or some shit and not opening my mouth again idfk #depressing shit #sad thoughts #i'm so lonely #depressiv #i wanna die #sadgirl #i just wanna sleep #i'm going insane #i'm just a girl #i'm sorry #i'm tired #i'm so tired #why am i like this #girlblogging #i hate it so much #i hate it here #i hate this #i hate everything #988blr #actually mentally ill #i want to disappear #mentally exhausted #mentally fucked #mentally tired #mentally unstable #bpd

[gogomeaty]

.

#I don't feel good #i feel stupid and so behind everything and everyone. I don't know what to do. #im this close 🤏🏻 to cry fml #my life is so painfully boring #maybe is that im just tired from the family gathering we had with my dad's side but i don't see nothing good about being alive rn #and in so jealous of how my sisters don't seem to have no problem on not meeting new people or wanting to or to go out #I feel like im going to become crazy here jaded almost 24/7 in my house. I want to disappear. #nothing seems to distract me now. I tried to draw and lmao that sucked #and better if i dont think that valentine's day is coming because it's worse ugh lol

[giddybox]

do you ever just get tired of everything around you

#sorry im gonna rant for a minute #im gettin real fuckin tired of my family especially #im getting tired of the fact im expected to grow up faster than im ready to since i feel like i barely got to have a proper childhood #im getting tired of the fact people cant fucking leave me alone when it comes to it #im getting so fucking tired #im trying my best i really am i just cant sometimes #my parents shame me constantly about so much shit and how i barely take care of things while also completely forgetting and acting like i- #dont have depression and so many other things that make it harder for me to even keep going at this point #im just so irritated and no matter what i do its never good enough #im so fucking sick of everything and i really just wish i could do something to disappear and never be seen or heard from again #i want to leave this earth and never come back yknow #i wanna be left alone i want to be treated like my special interests and hyperfixations arent stupid or annoying or childish or whatever #i want to be allowed to enjoy shit without my family making me feel bad for enjoying anything #i wanna go back to when i didnt feel like shit for every little thing i do #im sorry #im just really sick of stuff yknow #specifically my family #im irritated

[tortademaracuya]

#i think like. the worst part of my mood lately #is that i feel so low that not only i have no energy or motivation but i just dont care #i cant keep working on this stupid code because i cant bring myself to care about it. i dont see the point. its useless #but i also know that i will go back to suddenly caring in like 3 hours and im going to have a horrible time :) #it would be easier if at least i stayed on a single mindset :) #but no lets go from absolutely miserable and hopeless but uncaring to hyper anxious mess that gets overwhelmed #maybe i need to touch more grass but now im also starting to get anxious about being outside too...yay..... #dont even get me started on actually talking to another person face to face #haunted.txt #had to go out today and even though it was fun i wanted to explode the second i was alone again #i cant stop overthinking everything everyone says or does...its so tiring #and it feels even more lonely in the end. being surrounded by too many people and feeling like an outsider or #seeing a single person and feeling like you are bothering them #not like i have seen anyone. i would have to go out or take breaks or even reach out for that aha. ahahaahaha #lets see how many more places i can quietly disappear from because i cant be bothered #its all too much and even though at first is a relief its like i need to cut out more and more communication little by little

[thesunjumpsoverthemoon]

might fuck around and disappear off the face of the earth🤭🤭

#I’m going insane #I’m so tired and I don’t want to deal with anything anymore #like i really just want to delete everything and disappear for like two weeks #schools a bitch #writing is my enemy #people are annoying and i dont like them #and it took three days to start disliking my hair #im genuinely so miserable lately #ANYWAYS im gonna sit outside and hopefully when i come back ill be more of a human instead of a vile creature #no promises though #personal

[bespokejoke]

.

#i wish this could just be over #im so tired of feeling like this its been a month of uncertainty #my body feels Not Okay #everything hurts my back my jaw my shoulders #i just want to disappear #havent slept properly for 3-4 days either