#im posting alot on here most likely over the course of the day

[dckweed]

hello babes, ive been working hard on plotting this series for weeks now and im quite happy to be posting the first part! Now look, im normally a tom cruise gal okay? And I went into TGM totally expecting to have my usual Tom moments like I do with any of his movies (im looking at you Top Gun, Days of Thunder, and the outsiders) but i..i had my fair share of moments over every character okay? And currently, my fixations are Bob and Hangman.

Hence, my baby Sugar Sweet was born at the moment i have this plotted for five parts, but it could definitely be extended. Please comment below and let me know if you'd like to be added to a TGM tag list ! Reblogs are always appreciated and feel free to send in some requests !

summary: hangmans very existence annoys you, he thinks you're adorably easy to frustrate. maverick knows your situation and knows you need a roommate. when he says he knows a guy named jake, you don't expect him to bring hangman to your doorstep. but can you really afford to turn him away?

warnings: mentions of death, glen powell himself is a warning because just mm he's so mouthwatering, mentions of body/weight, roommate!jake, cursing, angst? no fluff yet, no smut yet. this is fairly slow burn. reader is mostly referenced to as SUGAR..

word count: 3,519.

SUGAR SWEET, jake "hangman" seresin.

Looking back on it, Jake had never really been sure what he actually liked in a woman, every woman he'd ever slept with was usually somewhat tall and usually pretty thin, most had smaller breasts and tight little asses, and for most of his sexual adult life, that's just what he assumed his type was. Though, when he got to thinking about it, none of these girls had ever given him the feeling that his friends talked about when they were with their significant others, hell he had even asked his brother during his wedding reception how he knew that his sister in law was the one and all he had said was "i just knew". God, looking back on it now, Jake had thought that was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. His brother had gone on to explain that he just had this feeling with his wife, one that he had never felt before with anyone else (and like Jake, his brother had seen his fair share of women). Jake thought that that was absurd too. 

Well, until you came along that is..

Jake was a gym rat through and through. He spent alot of his down time at the gym, he loved watching the way his muscles worked and grew the more that he did, the longer that he did it, and he loved finding new ways to challenge his body.. So, when their top secret detachment was finished and the Top Gun leaders requested the dagger squad to stick around for a while as a more permanent group, he knew that the gym at the base just wasn't going to cut it for him anymore, and before he bothered looking for a more permanent place to live, he sought out the best gym in town. The one that just so happened to be your place of work. 

You weren't necessarily the normal person you'd find in the gym, sure there were thick girls in here, but they were girls that were thick in all the right places, with tight abs. You? You were on the opposite end of the spectrum. You were short, and curvier than a country back road, of which got you plenty of male attention sure enough when you were in your teens and were smaller than what you were now, but stress and constant working had taken its toll on you and your previous work out regiment, because of course you weren't an absolute stranger to working out. At twenty five you now had a bit of a pudgy stomach, and you swore your hair was already turning gray from the stress of your life but your little brother constantly reassured you that you were just insane, something you desperately adored about him, though you would never tell him that he was the main cause of your stress. 

Needless to say, you weren't what most people expected to see when they first walked into the Iron Side gym, and you certainly weren't what Jake was expecting when he walked in the morning after buying his membership, gym bag slung over his shoulder. He looked like a God wrapped in sunshine, was your first thought when the bells above the door tinkled, before you recognized who he was and rolled your eyes. 

You'd seen him around before, when you caught the late evening shift a few nights a week at the hard deck, he was always the most noticeable one in the group of pilots he hung with, but how could he not be? Always so loud and obnoxious..God, what was it his friends called it? Badman? Bagdude? Ba.. "Bagman, isn't it?" You say, finally landing on a name you had heard thrown around towards him once or twice. 

He raises his eyebrows, pushing his sunglasses up onto the top of his head. "..fancy meeting you here, sugar.." He says, fishing for your name, he knew it somewhere in the back of his brain, had heard Bob or maybe it was Rooster call you by it a few different times. He'd only seen you a handful of times, enough to know you only worked the bar a couple nights a week, if that, and definitely enough to know that he hadn't ever expected you to be at the gym, let alone, his gym. 

"It's Y/N," You say, irritated as he sends you a flirty smirk. You roll your eyes as he fondles for his membership card on his key ring, holding the orange and black plastic card up to the scanner. It beeps once before he walks away, tossing you a look over his shoulder as he heads towards the locker room. 

"Well, Y/N, the names Hangman." He winks at you, and you roll your eyes, plopping back down into your desk chair. You didn't have times for guys like him, and the games they brought with them. You'd had your fair share of them too. 

It isn't hard to ignore him, the gym isn't too busy but you have phone calls to focus on, reminding patrons that their memberships are coming due again, though that doesn't stop you from noticing him a few times, your eyes catching once or twice on the way the muscles in his back moved as he worked at the cable machine, the lat pull downs really doing what they were supposed to..

You must've been staring for longer than you realized, mind drifting off in a daze because before you know it, there's a chin dropping on your shoulder and strands of curly hair whispering at your face. "Whatcha lookin' at?" The familiar voice asks, you let out a small screech jumping in your seat before relaxing, your hand going to the side of the boys face to give an affectionate pat to his cheek. "Jesus, Y/N, jumpy much?" He chuckles, pulling back from you. 

"You scared the shit out of me Kai!" You half yell, standing to your feet to fully look at him. He ducks as you bring a hand up to swat at him, and backs away with a shit eating grin. You notice a dark forming bruise in his hairline as he does and you narrow your eyes at him. "What the fuck is that?" You ask, grabbing his chin in your hand and turning his head to the side. The bruise is large, and goes down towards his ear, like someone had boxed him real good. "Kai Alexander did you get into another fucking fight?" 

He pushes your hand away, eyes flitting around the gym. You look around too, rolling your eyes when you notice Hangman looking your way, your voice probably prompting him to pause his workout. 

"It was an accident okay? I promise, im fine.." He says, voice more hushed now. You notice he's wearing a black hoodie with the gyms logo on it, and a pair of shorts. He had come to work out, you figured you could at least let him and save the interrogating for at home. 

You sigh, hands on your hips. "Alright, fine..go get your training in.." He kisses the top of your head before heading off towards the same area Hangman was in, you watch as they talk to each other for a brief moment, Hangman looking back over at you with pursed lips before going back to whatever he was doing. 

"An accident my fucking ass.." You mutter, sinking down into your chair again with a groan, your brother really was the cause of most of your stress. 

The rest of your day drags on, and by mid afternoon you're more than grateful for the second receptionist and floor manager to make his arrival. "It's been pretty slow, but there's supposed to be a few group training sessions tonight.." You say, grabbing your purse and water bottle and motioning for your brother to head towards your car. He had been hanging around cleaning some of the equipment for you while you worked, stressful as he may be, he was still always helpful to you in that kind of way. 

The drive home is quiet and you both sigh when the front door of your small house closes behind you, a stack of over due bills clutched tightly in your hands. You were in need of a roommate, something you'd desperately been trying to find for the past month or so, someone who could help pay rent and utilities, because even with two jobs you just weren't cutting it alone. 

"I'm going to get ready for my shift at the bar, let me know what you want for supper and ill make it for you before i have to leave.." It had been two years since your father had passed away, two long years and you had done everything in your power to make life at home as normal for your brother as possible, which included eating supper together every night. 

Kai grunts as a way of letting you know he heard you as he passes through the living room and goes straight for the hallway, smacking the top of the door frame with his hand as he does, a teasing way of reminding you that you couldn't reach it. You roll your eyes at the teenager, shuffling right behind him. 

The Hard Deck is busy tonight, you and Penny work behind the bar efficiently enough though, pouring IPA's off the tap and handing bottles of corona's and budweisers to the numerous aviators and civilians that littered the bar.

The music is loud, someone keeps repeating the same Tom Petty song on the stupid jukebox in the corner and you want to punch them for it, but the chatter of the folks is even louder. You're able to drown it out as you focus on a couple of regulars you hadn't see in a while, falling into easy conversation with them as you pour their drinks, catching up like You'd known them their whole lives. 

You're turning away from one such conversation to grab a couple of glasses for a couple that had just seated themselves near you when you hear his voice, the Texan accent thick when he calls you that damm name. "Hey Sugar," he says, catching your attention immediately. "can i get a whiskey neat and a couple more corona's please?" He asks, leaning against the backside of the bar. 

You take him in, he was plain clothed tonight, no ugly tan of his service khakis, and handsome as he was, you couldn't help but to be annoyed by his very presence, you weren't sure if it was because you were attracted to him (because you would have to be absolutely stupid not to be, Hangman was an absolutely beautiful man, and you weren't that hard of sight to not notice it) or if it was because guys like him got on your nerves..or a combination of both, and that goddamn accent didn't help.

You weren't overly fond of the cocky confident type, but good lord it did suit him. The man exuded confidence even in the way he leaned against your bar, casually enough to most people, but you could tell that there was something almost more to it. 

You nod in his direction, finishing what you were doing before pouring him a whiskey neat and grabbing the beers from the ice box. You hand them to him, and he knocks the whiskey back instantaneously, swallowing it as if it's water. You had to admit, it was kinda sexy. "Thanks, Sugar." He says, winking has he hands you back the glass. 

"My name is Y/N!" You say, watching as he turns to head back to his friends, who had grouped around the pool table. A couple of them turn their heads to watch your interaction, your loud voice catching their attention. 

"I know!" The man simply says over his shoulder, handing the beers to a woman, who takes it gratefully and the man next to him, who appeared to think that a pornstache was the look to go for. You roll your eyes, turning back to your work. 

After a few long hours, the counter starts to empty, and so does the bar itself, and one by one you start ringing up people's tabs, swiping their cards or paying with cash. Another hour or so passes and the man with the mustache and the dark haired woman are walking out together, hanging onto one another as they warble a song st the top of their lungs, completely out of tune. 

You chuckle, shaking your head at them before your attention is brought back to the counter as a credit card is slapped down onto it. "I'll pay my friends tabs too, Sugar.." He says, loving the way you go rigid at the name. He can practically feel your eyes roll before you turn to look at him. God, he thought, you've got a killer stare. 

"They're aviators too?" You ask, going to the register to do your job, you'd tallied about five or six rounds for him and his buddies, who seemed like they could drink any alcoholic under the table and still be able to fly a plane straight. 

"Sure are," He says, smirk cocking on his lips. "they're definitely nowhere near as good as me though, far as i know, none of them have two confirmed air kills." He doesn't even know why he's trying to smooth talk you right now, you aren't normally the type he goes for, but something about the way you look at him like he's about as annoying as a June bug gets his blood pumping. He's not used it that from pretty women. 

"That supposed to mean something to me?" You ask, sliding his card back to him, and a copy of the receipt for him to sign. He purses his lips, giving a quick signature. He hadn't ever missed with that line and it was quite obvious to you. 

"Guess not.." He says, pocketing his wallet, his ego only slightly bruised by your quick blow off. "Your brother looked like he got roughed up pretty good this morning..that an issue with him?"  He was genuinely curious, he could see the furious and frustrated look from across the gym floor and he knew it must've struck a nerve. The kid didn't offer much information about to him either when he asked. 

Your gaze turns hard immediately. "Respectfully, that's none of your business." You say, giving him a forced smile. "Have a nice night, Hangman."

 He tips his head at you and turns away from the bar, he knew a struck nerve when he saw one, and he already knew enough about you to know that he shouldn't try to push it with you, curious as he was. "You too, Sugar." He says, long legs striding him straight out the door before you can yell after him about how that isn't your name. 

You roll your eyes at him, going back to clearing glasses and wiping the beer nut crumbs off the bar. "Insufferable pilots, always have to get the last word." You grumble to yourself, unaware that Maverick had strode into the bar merely a moment after Hangman had left it, here to pick up Penny for the evening. 

"What's that about pilots now?" He asks, watching you with an amused smile lifting the corners of his mouth. You turn around, small smile gracing your lips. This was one pilot you could stand to be around. "Hey kiddo, busy tonight?"

You shrug, leaning over the counter to give the man a short hug, you loved the smell of his brown leather jacket. "Not too bad, made decent tips.. Penny's in the office, she'll be out soon." 

Mav takes a seat on one of the bar stools, helping you sweep off what bit of crumbs he could reach. "Hey, are you still looking for a roommate?" He asks, remembering hearing you complain to Penny about how you were barely making bills since you had kicked your last one out for giving your brother drugs. You quirk an eyebrow at him, stopping what you're doing. "His name is Jake, he's one of my aviators. He's clean, actually he's too clean if you ask me it's kind of creepy, and he's a pretty stand up dude. He has a cocky streak but he's good for his money and he doesn't make too much fuss."

You purse your lips, thinking on it. Why did the name Jake sound so familiar? It was tugging at something in the back of your brain that you just couldn't quite put your finger on. "What's wrong with where he's at now?" You ask as politely as possible, trying to gauge if he's been kicked out of his current place or something. 

"He's been on base for the last couple of months, he's not a student of the academy anymore but he's a permanent squadron member..he can live off base, he just hasn't found the right place..and we need the room he's in, we have a big class coming." Pete says, watching you think it over in your brain. 

As long as he's not as insufferable as Hangman, what do you really have to lose? You think to yourself, you can't afford to turn anyone away, not when they're capable of paying without breaking any laws, unlike Devon, your previous roommate. "Okay, well..ill meet him." You say, and Pete smiles triumphantly. "Bring him by the house tomorrow, after Kai goes to school, ill be home all morning." 

You spend the entirety of the next morning nervously cleaning and arranging your small house, your brother trying his best to stop you and calm you down, he knew better than anyone how you felt about strangers coming into the house. He offers to stay home from school, but you glare and tell him he better get on his way. Kai does as told, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he grabs a protein bar off of the kitchen bar type counter, swinging his school and duffle bag full of his baseball gear over his shoulder. 

God, you really hoped this worked out because you were dreading having to tell him that you couldn't afford to keep him in baseball if it didn't, you hated taking things away from your brother like that always so disappointed in yourself for not being able to provide for him the way that he needs or wants. Your father would be disappointed too you were sure, the man bad always made sure that his children had everything they ever asked for, no matter how hard he had to work to get it. You often found yourself wondering why you couldn't do the same as him, before you remembered that you lacked a highschool diploma, and had barely obtained a GED certificate. You had had to drop out of school when he got sick, he couldn't take care of everything himself like he used to, and Kai certainly wasn't old enough either at the time. 

"I'm doing my best daddy.." You sigh, looking at his picture up on the small fireplace mantel in your living room. "I just hope I'm doing it the right way.."

The doorbell rings and you jump, the noise cutting through the dim reverie of your life. "Coming!" You yell, doing a final sweep of the room before taming your wild hair in the mirror for a moment. 

"...she cooks too, you know.." You distinctly hear Mav's voice through the door as you unlock the deadbolt, taking a deep breath before pulling it open. 

Your eyes land on him immediately in all his tall, sun-kissed, cocky avjator glory. You'd be damned to hell if you said he didn't look good standing there in his green flightsuit, black t-shirt just barely poking through the gap in the collar. Your gaze trails downward, his helmet is attached at his waist, and you noticed his brow was awfully sweaty and smudged with a bit of dirt. They must have been doing flight runs this morning. "Him?" You glance at Mav, bewildered. "You?"  God, what gave him the right to smell so damn good when he was so clearly hot and sweaty and covered in..airplane grime. 

Jake takes you in, your jeans are up high on your waist, but loose fitting and they did look damn good on you from the front. Your top was cropped just enough to show the patch of skin between your tummy and bra that your breasts filled out entirely too well. When Mav had said that he was taking him to meet someone, a girl named Y/N, he hadn't even registered it as your name in his mind. In his mind you were simply - "..Sugar, fancy meeting you here."

Pete looks between the two of you, the ghost of annoyance littered on your face, the cocky smirk sliding its way onto Jake's.. "Hold on..you guys have met?" 

#top gun #hangman #jake seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #hangman seresin #jake seresin fanfic #top gun maverick #jake seresin imagine #hangman fanfiction #hangman top gun #top gun maverick imagine #tom cruise #glen powell

[iamawolfstarsimp]

Lighten Up Moony

Sup bitches im back

This has been sitting in my drafts, fully finished for like a week and I totally forgot to post it soooo here ya go lmao

So yeah enjoy

Remus didn't laugh that much. When he was a little boy he didn't laugh alot, he started laughing more when he met the other marauders. When he was 17 was probably when he laughed the most. After the war his want or need to laugh died down so much it was almost dead. The most anyone could ever get out of him was a scoff or a small chuckle at best.

Now-a-days, even while living with basically two re-encarnations of Sirius and James and Sirius himself, he didn't laugh alot. And when he did it was very quiet, timid. He didn't even notice that he didn't laugh alot until one of the twins (he couldn't recognize which one it was) mentioned it.

"Hey, Lupin?" Fred (he assumed) asked. Remus glanced at him. "Why don't you ever laugh?"

"What are you talking about, I laugh." Remus hid his surprise.

"Yeah but not alot, even at jokes and stuff you never laugh." They answered. Remus contemplated what he had just said.

"Well, maybe you guys aren't as funny as you think you are." Remus teased to help mask his confusion. Honestly he didn't know why he didn't laugh alot. It might be because playful banter always reminded him of staying up late with his friends back at school. Or that Fred sometines made him think of James. Or maybe being alone for all that time made him unable to just laugh at something.

After that no one mentioned it again but it always stuck with Remus, and apparently Sirius too.

Sirius found Remus in one of the many rooms of this house, reading a book off of one of the shelves, it looked to be about poetry. How boring. Remus looked up when he heard Sirius enter and gave him a brisk nod, closing his book.

"Hey," was all Remus said.

"Hey Moons, can I ask you something?" Sirius walked over to him.

"Sure, what is it?" Remus tilted his head slightly, something he did when he was listening.

"The others were talking about a while ago how you never laugh and I want to know why."

Out of habit, Remus tried to think of a good lie to come up with before realizing he shouldn't lie to Sirius. He didn't have to. He sighed and thought.

"I don't know." He finally answered. "Really I don't! I'm being completely honest." Remus said to Sirius' skeptical look.

"Maybe all the years of trauma finally got to me." He shrugged with a small smile.

"I could get you to laugh." That startled Remus. He didn't expect Sirius to say that. Though, Sirius said alot of out of pocket things so he shouldn't be surprised.

"Alright.." he said warily. He decided to humor Sirius. "How?"

Sirius immediately grinned and grabbed his hand, tugging him twords a dusty looking armchair. He sat Remus down and the leaned over in front of him.

Without warning Sirius scribbled his fingers on Remus' sides. Remus yelped quietly, his elbows shooting down to clamp to his sides.

"What are you doing?!" Remus said in a higher pitched voice than his regular voice.

"Just trying something out," Sirius said nonchalantly. "You wouldn't happen to still be ticklish, would you Remus?"

"N-no, of course not." Remus mentally kicked himself for stuttering. He didn't even know if he was still ticklish or not. It had been years since someone had actually tickled him.

He watched and let Sirius' hands contiune their scribbling on his abdomen, moving over to his stomach where he had to tense his muscles and bite his lip not to let out a giggle.

Sirius watched his face to see any changes in his expression. He narrowed his eyes and poke his sides and belly again, still getting no response. But when he moved up to scratch at Remus' lower ribs-

"Okay, okay!" Remus' hands came down and grabbed onto Sirius' pulling them away from his ribs.

"Aha!" Sirius shouted excitedly. He broke free of Remus' grip quickly and rapidly squeezed his ribs causing Remus to break into a fit of giggles.

Sirius grinned devilishly down at Remus. He looked ten times younger while laughing like this, head throw back onto the back of the armchair, eyes squeezed shut, his nose scrunching up in that cute way he used to do when they were younger.

Even after all this time Remus noted that he still didn't mind when Sirius would mess with him.

Sirius allowed Remus to grab his wrists and hold them away from his body while he caught his breath. Sirius leaned closer and kissed Remus in the cheek, just to watch his face turn red.

"I can't believe I'm still ticklish." Remus grumbled as he covered his face with his hands.

"I can." Sirius grinned when Remus glared.

"Oh, come on." He smirked. "You're like, the king of being ticklish."

"Shut up." Remus punctuated his works with a sharp poke to Sirius' stomach.

"I can't wait to use this against you," Remus groaned at that, rolling his eyes. Sirius gasped. "I need to tell Harry!" He jumped up and ran out of the room.

"I'm gonna tickle you back!!" Remus shouted after him but to no avail. He sighed shook his head fondly. Never a dull moment with Sirius Black.

Hope you liked

#sirius black #remus lupin #sfw tickling community #marauders #tickle fic #tickle fluff #marauders era #wolfstar #Idk how to feel about this one #It's okay #I don't hate it #sfw tickling #wolfstar tickle #my writing

[0dde11eth]

I posted 15,706 times in 2022

That's 6,861 more posts than 2021!

959 posts created (6%)

14,747 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@help-help-i-need-an-adult

@theamazingrin

@penandinkprincess

@witcherbeech

@itsrapsodia

I tagged 3,740 of my posts in 2022

#my nonsense - 962 posts

#fan art - 943 posts

#jaskier - 691 posts

#geralt - 655 posts

#geraskier - 506 posts

#i think im funny - 433 posts

#kaer morons - 411 posts

#another day in kaer morhen - 391 posts

#lambert - 384 posts

#reaction - 339 posts

Longest Tag: 110 characters

#to me theres nothing cuter than a person genuinely enjoying their meal and just eating with unrestrained gusto

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Geralt loses his absolute shit when he sees this horse.

1,256 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#4

1,280 notes - Posted August 23, 2022

#3

Jaskier finally convinced geralt to go a bardic festival with him. Unfortunately they end up separated because jaskier has to sign in for the competition and they don't allow guests backstage.

And of course jaskier is herded out a different door than the one he entered. So they lose track of eachother, and they didn't think of having a designated spot to meet up.

Cue geralt searching all over oxenfurt for jaskier. He gets desperate enough to start asking around for help to look for jaskier. Unfortunately he's geralt, aka the ultimate himbo. So he tries to describe jaskier instead of using his famous name.

"Have you seen a bard around here?"

"He's very colorfully dressed"

"Hes Carrying an instrument"

"Has a hat with a feather in it"

"This tall, brunette, blue eyes"

"He's flamboyant, talks loudly"

"Sings alot, likes to rhyme"

"Hates valdo marx"

Everyone he talks to looks at him blankly, and is like... "that doesn't narrow it down. At all"

(Jaskier just says "you see my witcher?" and is pointed in the right direction immediately)

1,359 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

#2

Geralt: *sitting up straight immediately on guard*

Eskel: "what's wrong wolf!?"

Geralt: "somethings wrong. Jaskier is in danger. Where is he!?"

***meanwhile***

Lambert: "this is a rattle snake, it's actually a mini basilisk, according to the bestiary"

Jaskier: "well hello there Mister Noisy Tushy!"

1,461 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Jaskier absolutely losing his shit the first time he sees a Witcher eating raw chicken.

Lambert coming into the kitchen post training for a quick snack, grabbing one of the chicken breasts jaskier is cutting and just chowing down.

The other witchers hearing screams, swears and the sounds of a body hitting the floor.

They enter to see Lambert pinned on the floor with jaskier desperately trying to pry his mouth open

1,939 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #My

[hideyseek]

6. 10, 11? For ur ao3 wrapped? Mehabs?

(im on mobile if something is weird. No it isnt)

bro ,,,,, im so sorry to report something was weird, i only saw this guy come in today he was not in my inbox before. apology for delay. but hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii yes thank you for the ask!!!!! of course i will answer i love to fucking TALK hehe :3

ao3 wrapped asks

6. Favorite title you used?

mmmm hehe. i'm gonna answer this based purely on title vibes as opposed to like "how well the title fits the fic" bc i wrote a bunch of shorter (to me) fics without a lot of internal thematic happenings that a title could reflect and so i don't really think of anything i published that a title is doing very much work.

i think my favorite title of anything published this year is i wish you the wind just because ah ... what a phrase! no idea what this means but it sounds so damn romantic to me! really has a flavor of like ... bittersweet farewell!

10. What work was the quickest to write?

mmm, haha. well, two answers to this i suppose. on one hand, there was keep me here which unfortunately i wrote in about one day from nothing (and therefore had approximately 12 minutes to revise) because i was determined to post SOMETHING for that day of kaze week 2023. but the first fic that came to mind (and perhaps the most accurate answer, time-wise) was my drabble from week 2 of inception wicked which came together in about three hours total drafting, but there was a span of several days (and truthfully several days that felt like several weeks lol) between me initially having the idea and sitting down to draft. but like, to be fair, it is about 400 words so revising goes exponentially quicker. truly this shocked even me, though i guess really what this means is i already was primed with a bunch of subconscious thoughts about the dynamic in this fic lol. (you can read it here on the gdoc with the other fics from that week! bc i haven't gotten around to posting on ao3 yet lol. content warnings for: semi-explicit sexual content, fantasizing about a married couple, voyeurism)

11. What work took you the longest to write?

hmm ... i don't know if there's a winner for anything i published, tbh. most of the rest of the kaze week fics from january kind of came together in a span of 3-5 days depending on the fic, and most of the other drabbles for both events came together in about the alotted week. so instead i'm going to gleefully misinterpret this question so i can talk about my beloved unpublished nemesis project, narrative!fic :3

i hate that guy! (<- said extremely lovingly) i probably earnestly worked on this fic for ... 4 or 5 months of this year? had a nice breakthrough for some story logic in august / september ish, outlined from that through october, and wrote pretty diligently for most of november. (i did tell my roommate fully two years ago, "hey you need to watch kazetsuyo so i can make you betaread this fic i'm writing at the end of the year, i'll watch star trek with you in exchange". that was literally 2021 lmao. they have not yet seen a draft bc there has not been a draft worth having anybody else look at yet.)

i think the thing that has made the process of drafting narrative!fic so long is really just that, for the last two-ish years, narrative!fic wasn't actually a story to me, so much as it was a project into which i dumped all my post-college facing-the-future feelings and loosely tied up with a string called "i'm sure i can make haiji go through this as well". but then, due to various life events in april of this year, suddenly i came back to the draft and it was like: oh. ohhh, okay. i can see how this can be a story, actually. this is about haiji, as a character, as opposed to haiji, as a semi-direct proxy for myself. and then over the next few months i cut out a ton of stuff and reworked his main arc and now it's like ... a story, instead of just a bunch of feelings and events. which, truly, is only my personal marker for what i was looking for from the project. like, i personally want a separation of my own experiences from what is in my fic, i want to be thinking about developments in the fic as narrative choices the story requires rather than as alternatives to how my own life could have gone. (which ultimately may well be the same thing but its the headspace im in, for me).

and i think the other part is just -- i didn't know how to write! i mean, obviously i know how to string words into a sentence lol. but a LOT of i guess the first two years of drafting and then setting all the drafted stuff aside to start again from scratch like four times over, was me learning to like, figure out my own longfic writing process. (big sobbing emoji, lmao. i remember in my youth reading about maggie stiefvater having 200k of unused draft material for one of the trc books and i was like, how??? and now i am like: yeah. unfortunately i get it. not that my tossed-out drafter material is of that specific magnitude. but there is a lot of it, goddamn.) and now that i've got at least an initial / foundational sense of it, the hardest part is only actually sitting down and writing. (i say as if this is not also, extremely challenging for me lol). so uh, i guess i'll say here "maybe this time next year i'll really have a full draft of narrative!fic", and. we'll see how that goes :3

#hidey speaks #hidey talks fic #ask game #lmao sorry this took me like one hour to write because in the middle i reread i wish you the wind and took seven million notes on revising #it into something longer and slightly more complex

[mirahshahar]

Husband appreciation post is about to come😅 standby tissue.🤧

I never say this alot , neither do i express myself to my better half. I am shy like that eversince. Actually not, i am just afraid of giving myself too much that i will lose myself and i am afraid of people leaving me once they have all of me. I've been there 🙁

But i am thankful that my husband chose me, the broken me. He saw me living through my anxiety and depression. In sickness and health.

He took my hand for marriage and guided me through the reading of Quran. Keeping me reminded of my deen and humbling me down as a person.

Through him, i grow. His short temperedness has bettered my patience. The way he relied on me made me a much responsible person. The way he enjoys my cooking even the simplest of dish, made me motivated and mastered more recipes.

Of course, it is not all rainbow and sunshine. We went through alot of yelling,cursing and beatings trying to understand each other over the years. We lived through the abuse. We almost, almost... didn't made it through... it was that bad.

But hey, here we are..

I now understand Allah's wisdom.

We never truly get what we want but He gave us what we need.

Both my husband and i have baggages from our past. They were heavy. We are not 50/50 on most days. We are 90/10 , 20/80. We kept slipping through in comparisons to what we had that we thought was "better".

It was a pain but i would never trade this experience with anyone else. For one reason; despite all that we go through we hang onto each other tighter.

Refusing to give up and found our way back to one another.

Tough love.

If i were to go back in time, to the first time we met , it was years ago being an acquaintance. Little did i know, you were going to be the one.

We both laughed out loud whenever we spoke about our first impressions of one another back in the day. I supposed he had an eye for me for the longest time. Love that fact and i love him then, now and forever. In Shaa Allah, till jannah.

Aamiin Aamiin🤲

Eeeeeww screams cheesy! Yucks🤢🤮🤧im not crying. You are crying.

Bye.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

i talked to my therapist today and broke down when she asked me about richard since he took care of me during surgery and after. i told her my feelings came back and it hurts to know we can't be together and it made me hopeful that maybe we can try again but then after a few days he went back to the person he usually is that rather play a game with his cousin than watch a travelers guide to love on netflix with me and Aden. And how he got argumentative and lost patience for me when i would snap at him when i wish he would just roll with my punches and let it go because he loved me, but he doesn't. therapist told me that it sounds like i desire having somene i told her i have always been a long term relationship type of person and i wuld still like to find my person. she told me i should seriously think about what i really want so when i go to look i will know what i want. she said it can be fwb if iwant some more years with my son or meet someone for long term, whatever my heart desires but i think she doesnt want to see me sad over richard anymore, and i agree. still not sure if i want or ready for a relationship right away or if i even have time but the thought of meeting more people is nice. then later in the day im reading about a woman trying to cope with being cheated on and the experiences other women posted really got me emotional because i felt all of that that they went through and i started crying. then i showed it to richard and told him he doesnt deserve me. then he didn't text me until he got off of work. i was still feeling emotional at midnight so i msged him and asked how was his nap, then i started pouringmy heart out to him and told him i want to meet someone else. i cried so hard, i was not angry, i just wanted him to know how i feel. i told him i love him and i wish we were still getting married. i miss us . like alot . i remember when he was here i loved looking at his perfect body even thoug he has gained weight it did not bother me because he will always be attractive to me, i love his long salt and pepper hair, i never thought i would find grey hair attractive but it looks so damn good on him i remember when i saw it in person for the first time and i couldnt stop staring and i remember thinking it's actually very hot, like he's a greying man in his 30s but he rocked it so well and it would make me weak when i saw it everytime after that, down or in a ponytail i loved it all, brushing it was so romantic. his beautiful green eyes that i could look at forever. hes not even the hottest guy ive been with, he might not even be in the top 5 but certain features of his are just so magical and straight up sexy. i was estatic when i thought of us gettng married. but anyway, i told him i cant get over him cheating on me and how i will never be the same, also that i didnt want to live my life being sad over him. he probbly did me a favor though bc i can't do all his rapture talk, his hate for things that did not affect him and his crazy ass animated over talkative personality and of course his cheating ways and sexism and how he is just clueless about women bc he never took the time to learn us. he is a whole ass cringefest and the most toxic thing is how he isn't even aware of it. when men think that being like that is just "a part of their personality" and changing it would be "chnging them" and how they act dramatic like it would be stealing their identity. eye roll. that's just their pathetic excuse to never do better. this started out sad and nis now feeling like it ended in realizzation but maybe that's bc I already cried all i could tonight and the emotional stuff has left and I'm only feeling logic now or something. idk

[maria-akira]

how you meet the ahs boys + their reaction while you're having a class - PART 1

—♡—

hey yall im back again 🧍🏻‍♀️ is this what you call a headcanon?? idk BAHAHSHHA. anyways i've had this idea in my mind for a while and i wanted to share it to yall, so i hope you guys like it 😌

these also have a little back story on how you guys meet !!

also, special mention to @tatestripedsweater for helping me give ideas with jimmy's part !! thank you so much mwah 🥺❤

warnings: none! just pure fluff <3

please excuse any errors !

—♡—

~♡ TATE LANGDON:

before the pandemic, you and your family have moved into the murder house.

the house gave your family a very odd vibe, but nonetheless all of you had to bear with it because it was sold for a cheap price.

but when the pandemic arrived the country, you were stuck at home 24/7. thus, classes were online.

you met tate because of your father. tate was one of his patients and the both of you grew close.

"Y/N, what are you doing?"

tate would randomly barge in your room while having a class and you would jump out of shock.

"Jesus, Tate. Stop scaring me like that!"

tate would giggle and lay on your bed, observing the lesson that the teacher rambled about.

while you're writing notes, he would stand up and take a chair from some part of your room and sit beside you.

knowing that tate is clingy, you would warn him not to bug you and behave while you listened in class.

of course, he doesn't listen and he would place his head on your shoulder and eventually would cuddle you.

"Taaate, please let me focus."

luckily, you always keep your camera off.

"Mmm, no. I enjoy bugging you."

~♡ KIT WALKER:

one time, you were driving to school on your own and you were almost running out of gas.

luckily, you saw a gas station nearby and decided to get a fill before heading to school. and there, you met kit.

when you first laid your eyes on kit, you thought that he was the prettiest man ever. you couldn't let this chance slip, thus, you exchanged numbers with him.

you talked all day and night, the both of you were so inlove with each other and you finally decided to introduce him to your parents.

your parents loved him and you were so, so happy.

but when the pandemic came, it affected your relationship with kit.

since all schools and unis were closed down, everything went online.

when kit stayed over, he couldn't spend a lot of time with you because you had to attend classes early in the morning, till afternoon.

"Can you stay in bed with me for a little bit, darling?"

unfortunately, you woke up late that day and you missed 10 minutes of your first class. and just like that, you were stuck to your desk until afternoon.

"Kit baby, I'm sorry. I'm late for my first class. Maybe later, okay?"

as much as kit hated this whole online class thing, he would always find a way to cheer you up.

thus, he would cook you breakfast and bring it over to your room.

"C'mere, I'll feed you while you listen and write down notes."

~♡ KYLE SPENCER (PRE DEATH AND POST DEATH) :

PRE DEATH:

madison, your friend, had bugged you all week to go with her to this college frat party near your house.

you weren't the party type. you loved staying at home, watching netflix or reading some sort of fan fiction on wattpad.

but you hated being single. so, this was your chance to actually get a boyfriend.

when you arrived at the party, you immediately hated it. everything was so loud and everyone was drinking, it was definitely a new sight for you.

you were sitting on a couch that was in the balcony, with a red cup that was filled with punch. you loved being away from the commotion.

this is where you met kyle, it was love at first sight. the both of you had so much in common and you thought that he was the man of your dreams.

you exchanged snapchats and from there, you were partners-in-crime.

you and kyle had stopped going to parties ever since the pandemic arrived, which means you got to see each other less.

since the both of you were students, both of your classes went online.

one time, kyle had no classes for a day and he decided to surprise you.

that day, you were having an online presentation. both your camera and microphone were on.

"Rene Descartes was the Father of Modern Philosophy—"

as you were presenting the slide show, you were cut off by kyle's presence infront of your desk.

"I brought you food, baby!"

you would shush him and suddenly turn off your mic.

"I'm so sorry, Miss. My boyfriend arrived and I—"

kyle would go beside you and kiss you on your cheek, your classmates and teacher cooing over it.

"Miss, you better give my girlfriend a good grade."

POST DEATH:

*pretend that he survived the bus accident and had a coma, because we arent involving witchcraft here*

kyle and his fraternity were on a bus that was going to some college event at school.

on the way there, you guys snapped each other and his friends would talk to you as well.

unfortunately, they got in an accident and the bus was flipped over.

a few students, including kyle, survived the accident.

when you heard this news, you cried your heart out and you didnt talk to anyone in your family.

you and your family visited the hospital and you rushed to kyle's room, it broke your heart to see tubes in him, with machines that beeped like there was no tomorrow.

when the doctor said that kyle was in a coma, your heart sank in the deepest part of your body.

this made you stay 24/7 with him until he was discharged.

when he was discharged from the hospital, he was not his usual self. the bubbly, energetic kyle was gone. instead, he was so confused with everything.

kyle's mom made him stay with you until he got his memory back, and you were more than glad to help.

but this took a toll on your studies because your classes were online due to a pandemic.

everyday in class, you would let kyle sit beside you and let him observe what you were doing.

"We're in Science class, Kyle. You were really good in Science, you helped me alot with my homeworks."

most of the time, you would help kyle develop his speech and his writing. but it was difficult for you.

"S-Sci... S-Sci-en.. ce?"

"Yes, Kyle! Good job, now one more time."

~♡ JIMMY DARLING:

ever since you were a kid, you loved going to carnivals, your parents would always bring you there every weekend.

there were carnivals almost everywhere, and your family brought you to all of them.

to you, each carnival was unique. the clowns and magicians in each carnival had different tricks up their sleeve.

but as you grew up, these carnivals slowly went out of business. except for one, which was elsa's cabinet of curiosities.

you decided to visit it one day just for a trip down memory lane, you never really had expectations for this place.

when you arrived there, there were a few people that were seated.

the show started and it instantly made you smile, they reminded you of your younger days. oh how you wished to be a child again.

you watched through a few acts, and the last act was a man named jimmy darling

when he came on stage, you locked eyes with him. there was something about him that really struck you.

after the performance ended, jimmy ran over to you and got your number. from there, you always talked and you would visit him regularly.

the regular visits stopped when the pandemic struck the country, forcing entertainment establishments, schools and unis to close down.

for the mean time, all your classes went online. you told jimmy that he could stay with you until things went back to normal.

on an early tuesday morning, you were in english class. jimmy was with your parents preparing breakfast, and you were falling asleep while your teacher discussed about the odyssey.

unlike tate, jimmy would always knock on your door. as his mom always taught, never enter anyone's room without knocking.

jimmy would giggle at your sleeping sight, your head lowered and your hair messed up.

"Hey, sweetheart, wake up! You're in class."

jimmy's timing was perfect. as he woke you up, you were called by the teacher.

"Miss Y/N, Do you think Odysseus was loyal to his wife?"

obviously, you panicked. but jimmy was there to save you. since jimmy was fond of reading, he finished the book and he whispered the answer to you before you could turn on your mic.

"No, Ma'am. Odysseus had an affair with Calypso and Circe."

once you got your teacher's approval, you turned off your microphone and let out a sigh of relief.

"You're lucky that I'm here to help you."

jimmy would joke and you would jump up to him, tackling him into a hug.

"I'm always lucky to have you, baby."

~♡ DANDY MOTT

at a young age, you were exposed to different types of fabrics. denim, silk, corduroy, neoprene. they name it, you've probably seen it.

your mother worked as a fashion designer. she managed to open a shop in the city and it was a great success for you and your family.

your mother has styled famous models. because of this, the shop was promoted and broadcasted all over the country. one day when you came from school, you saw a long line outside the shop.

that day, the staff count was low. there were only 5 employees instead of 10. you didn't exactly know why, so you decided to help.

after what felt like several hours, the long line finally dissolved into 2 customers, which was a mother and her son. they looked through the shop and the mother instantly loved everything.

her son, on the other hand, was trying on this lilac tux that your mother made.

you assisted her son and when you locked eyes, the both of you smiled. you entertained him throughout his shopping spree and the both of you never broke eye contact.

this was how you met dandy. he made the first move by getting your number, and of course you gave it back.

from there, the both of you talked day and night, even when you were in school.

since dandy's mother, gloria, loved your mother's shop so much, she would invite you and your mother regularly to her mansion.

gloria and your mother got along very well, and it was like gloria was your second mother.

so when your mother went to paris for a fashion show, she let you stay in gloria's mansion until she came back.

but to your dismay, your mother was not able to come back due to a pandemic that was all over the world. flights, establishments, and schools closed down.

of course you were sad, but you didn't worry so much because gloria treated you like her real daughter.

classes were online and you were forced to attend them everyday in the shared room you had with dandy.

since you had to get ready for class early in the morning, you would quietly get out of bed because dandy was sometimes a light sleeper.

it was around 8am and you were in math class. in your school, cameras were required to be turned on at all times. you thought this was a shit rule, but you had no choice to comply.

you were drawing some circles with a compass for an example that was being discussed by your teacher, when all of a sudden dandy was beside you.

"Dandy, sweetie, what are you doing up so early? Go back to sleep.."

dandy would pout at the lack of attention that you were giving him. since he loved holding your hand, you let him hold your other hand that you didn't use for writing.

"You're doing Math instead of cuddling with me!"

—♡—

i'm actually super proud of this omg !! i hope yall enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it 🥺❤

—♡—

#ahs 8 #ahs 9 #ahs freakshow #jimmy darling imagines #jimmy darling x reader #dandy mott x reader #dandy mott #jimmy darling #tate langdon #tate langdon imagines #tate langdon x reader #kyle spencer x reader #kyle spencer #kyle spencer imagines #kit walker #kit walker x reader #kit walker imagines #ahs murder house #murder house #ahs asylum #freakshow #ahs coven #american horror story

[sumiko000]

I’ll be your star

.hello hello everyone this is a small tanjiro x reader angst. sorry for the first post being so depressing 

!!! SPOILER WARNING kinda???

this takes place after the battle with muzan

(tw/ blood and death)

       For years, going out into a field and gazing at the beautiful night sky felt impossible. Enjoying it would be difficult with demons spilling out from every direction as a tear does from an eye full of sorrow. 

  “y/n, are you awake?” a timid and cautious voice said, removing the painful silence from around you. “ I am, do you need something Zenitsu?” Zenitsu smiled seeing that you were awake and feeling well enough to talk. “Nezukos’ making tea and was wondering if you’d want any?” “Of course she always makes the best tea!” you said with a hint of excitement in your drained voice. 

You waited a bit for your tea and finally after what felt like an eternity Nezukos bright face came walking in with a steaming cup. “ you’re looking much better today, y/n.” Nezuko said in delight. “I definitely feel alot better now that i have your amazing tea in my hands.” Nezuko giggled, she always looked so peaceful and it calmed you. “ Tanjiro will be back in a few nights, he said the doctor will be with him too.”  You sighed, it hurt you so much to see how hard everyone was trying. But you knew this sickness had no cure, you watched your mother fall victim to it and even after everything…. She couldn't fight any longer and left this world, and you knew soon you would too. 

“Nezuko… you know tha-” you were cut off by an abrupt pull of your hand. “Y/N PLEASE…. Please don’t…. Don’t speak like that, who knows? Maybe a cure has been discovered or maybe you’ll be strong enough to overcome it!?” you could hear the pain in her voice. It made you want to cry.   “I’m trying Nezuko, I really am.” You pulled nezuko into a hug, you felt the wetness on your shoulder grow and soon enough you were crying too. “Um Nezuko, Y/n- ARE YOU GUYS ALRIGHT!??” you both turned your attention to the yellow boy standing in the doorway with a worried look painted on his face. “We’re okay, sorry to worry you.” you said as you dried your eyes with your sleeve. “Oh alright, but uh Inosuke just brought some firewood in. I'd like to get to the matches before he does because he may set the house on fire.`` Nezuko giggled, “ Let me show you where I keep them.” you smiled watching how giddy Zenitsu got when Nezuko grabbed his hand to lead him to the matches. 

3:00 am

You jerked up bursting into a coughing fit. Your lungs felt like they were on fire and your throat felt like it was being ripped to shreds. Desperately you crawled out of your bed in search of water but before you got anywhere close you felt something coming out of your mouth and the overwhelming taste of blood flooded your taste buds. You felt your eyelids grow heavy and all the strength you had left leave your body. There was nothing you could do but lay there as tears swelled up and became too much for your eyes to hold in. 

“Y/N!! Y/N! WAKE UP!” you could faintly hear the desperate calls of your friends, the next thing you knew you were being lifted up and brought back to your bed. Mustering up all your strength you pushed out a small “im sorry” before letting yourself fall into a quiet slumber. 

“D-don’t worry she's still breathing..” Nezuko said solemnly. “She said this was going to happen nezuko.. She said this happens near the end.” Zenitsu couldn’t help but to burst into tears at the thought of one of his best friends leaving them behind. It wasn’t soon after that Nezuko was crying right along next to him. “Why is everyone crying?” Inosukes rough and tired voice broke Nezuko and Zenitsu out of the crying trance. “ is Y/n okay?” “She's just resting right now. Sorry for waking you Inosuke.” nezuko said as she helped Zenitsu up from the floor. 

A few days later 

“GUYS!! TANJIRO AND THE DOCTORS HERE!!” Zenitsu yelled, running out the front door to greet them. 

“ so where is this y/n?” the doctor said as tanjiro helped him step up into the house. “She's right this way let me show you.” Tanjiro led the doctor to the room you stayed in. Carefully opening the sliding door, Tanjiro stepped to the side to let the doctor get to your lying body. “Give us a moment please.” the doctor said with a wave of his hand. Tanjiro walked out the room, closing the door behind him. “Nezuko, how has she been doing?” Tanjiro asked with tears in his eyes. “... it's been worse the past couple of days'' she said, looking towards the ground trying to hide her tears from her brother. Immediately Tanjiro pulled nezuko into a hug hoping to make her feel better 

“ Hey doc, I'm sorry that you were brought here for no reason.” you said with a soft smile before going into a coughing fit. The doctor handed you the cup of water that was laying beside you. “What do you mean?” the doctor asked, utterly confused. “I know i'm not making it out of this alive.. My mother passed away from this exact disease.. And i'm already so far along that…” at this point you already started crying. You didn't want to die, you didn't want to leave the friends you loved so dearly behind, you didn't want to leave tanjiro… 

A few minutes later the doctor walked out of the room with a long frown plastered on his face. “ I'm sorry.. She doesn't have much longer.” “wh..what? Are you sure- there has to be something you can do, she can't leave yet.” you heard tanjiros' pleas and hurt you so badly. You gripped the end of your kimono sleeve, your hand clawing at it with anger and sadness. Why now? Why couldn't this happen once you lived out the small peaceful life you always wanted? You kept asking yourself why over and over again but it wasn't doing you any good.

“Hey Y/n.” you heard the raspy voice of tanjiro and looked over with a sad yet welcoming look on your face. You patted a spot next to you signaling for tanjiro to come sit. “Take me out to see the stars tonight Tanjiro.” you said as you leaned your head on his shoulder. “But its cold and-” “and? Its not like i’ll get anymore sick, and if i do what will it matter.” tanjiro frowned, feeling tears start to prick the corners of his eyes again. “y/n.. Please don't say things like.” You immediately felt regret, you didn’t mean to be so blunt but the anger of a sickness getting the better of you took over and you could help but let out your thoughts. “ I'm sorry Tanjiro i.. I just don't want to die.” you were pulled into a hug, the warmth rushing over your body. You missed this, you missed being in tanjiros arms more than you knew. “ Tonight we’ll go look at the stars okay?” “Thank you.”

You were all bundled up and ready to go outside. “Ready y/n?” you nodded and lifted up your arms so that tanjiro could pick you up. As soon as the 2 of you walked out the front door the crisp air bit the tip of your nose. To most this might be an unpleasant feeling but you loved it. 

You looked up into the sky, with most of the trees being bare it made it easier for you to see all the stars. You and Tanjiro stared at the stars, talking with each other about little things that happened in your life. Then silence fell and you took the opportunity. “Tanjiro, i'm sorry to lay this on you so late. But I need to say this.” Tanjiro looked at you directly in your eyes, but this made your heart hurt worse. “I.. I love you, I always have. I wanted to marry you, and have children but it looks like my plans have been cut short.” a fake an airy laugh escaped your lips before a few violent coughs made their way out of your mouth. Blooded tinted your lips and your breaths became heavy. “Y/N! Let's get you inside.” Tanjiro said, trying to quickly get to the house. “No.. stop, let's stay out here. If i'm going to die tonight I'd rather it be out here with the love of my life next to me, with a background of stars painted behind him.`` Tanjiro started crying as he pulled you closer to him. 

You felt the pace of your breaths slow down and your sight was getting blurry. “Tanjiro, i'm going to-” Tanjiro put a finger on your lips. “ Let me kiss you?” you nodded, with a small smile growing on your face. The warmth of his lips against your cold ones made you cry but with tears of joy this time. As soon as he started to pull away you felt empty again. “ i love you y/n, please.. Please don't leave me.” “don’t worry tanjiro, i'll always be with you. I’ll be your star, and i'll watch over you always.”  

With that, you closed your eyes and smiled, letting tanjiros warmth take over as you slipped away into paradise where you’d always be able to watch over tanjiro.

       - sumiko

#tanjro tanjiroxreader angst demonslayer demonslayerxreader kimetsunoyaibe kimetsunoyaibaxreader

[ambivalencese]

i haven’t been on here in forever, so here’s an update that no one asked for

it’s insane how much can change in a year. I’m in (kind of) a better headspace, (being a COVID nurse is so mentally draining), i’m strengthening the current relationships i have with my friends and family, i’m learning more about myself + my good/bad habits, I have a job with a great support system and fun coworkers, and i finally have a better work sched! i’m not open to any serious dating just yet, i’m hesitant to put my heart back out there. I’m kind of seeing someone right now, but we have some history and things feel kinda meh. I still have major trust issues lol. I finally took the first step to seeking out therapy. I talked to my doctor about it and she provided me with a few resources that I am so thankful for. I have recognized alot of things about myself that have stemmed from my upbringing/conditioning that affected my relationships with others. I also have recognized that I have suppressed alot more feelings/memories than I thought. Hopefully therapy helps me sort through most of that.

i look back on my previous posts on my other feed…LMFAO i lost him folks. but actually, he lost me. he missed out on someone great. the breakup last year hit me like a truck, but it was much needed. i lost myself in that relationship. I was burned out from my previous job and just everything else going on in my life + a long distance relationship with a guy that i felt was slipping through my fingers, but i think i was in denial at the time + covid pandemic!! He was catching feelings for another girl who was also in a relationship.. or maybe she still is? idk at this point

I used to hold out hope that maybe one day we’d reunite and maybe, something might happen again. I’ve let go of that idea. He‘s probably happy with someone new and I hope he learned to seek happiness within himself instead of trying to find it by jumping from girl to girl... I was in that mix, no different from any of the other girls he’s dated in the past, just another girl that was taken off his roster is what it felt like in the end. I knew I couldn’t make him happy, no matter how much I tried. However, i still tried. I’m also not saying it was a horrible relationship, it was nice while it lasted and we cared for/loved each other. We both weren’t happy and the relationship just ran its’ course, i guess. Unfortunately, it’s so hard for me to remember all the good times we shared, i have alot of memories of me crying, having feelings of not being good enough, not measuring up to his expectations, fearing he’d throw me away and not caring about me at all (lol welp)

im proud and surprised on how much i’ve been working on myself this year, however i do still miss him from time to time. I still wish him the best.

Healing from this was probably the hardest thing i’ve had to do this year. Some days, I felt fine and i was completely over it. Other days, I felt like I was back at square one. I had to block/unfriend him on some socials because being in contact with him was difficult. I’ve never had to do that before, but i had to do what was best for my mental health. At the start of this process, I felt so alone. But what i’ve learned is that yes, doing the work myself is so SOO tough and draining, but having a great support system to lean on has helped me so much.

it’s baby steps, but progress is still progress. for that, i am so proud of me.

[pathcrier]

This ask game has alot of good questions!! But 💖 and 😊 for all the ocs in your tags!

THIS IS VERY LONG IM SORRY HAHA

💖 Has your OC ever been in love, be it romantic or platonic or otherwise? Who with and did they ever express their feelings or keep it private? How long did these feelings persist / do they still feel this way?

Dahlia Shepard: romantically, she had been in love exactly three times. First time was with a girl back during Alliance training, Catalina. She was head over heels but never really told her, just because she felt it wouldn't work out in the end and let her doubts overcome her. Lasted for nearly a year, and no, she's completely over her (and actually attended her wedding and felt nothing but happiness for her.) Second was Aria T'loak, back when she was undercover on Omega. They had worked closely for months (trying to catch a cerberus cell leader) and had been seeing each other- but Dahlia presumed it was just a casual fling and would be over once she was finished. Dahlia knew once she was back in Alliance space, it wouldn't work out, and left it at that. Took a bit longer for her to get over this time, but she eventually did after focusing solely on her military career. Finally the woman she would easily rescue a galaxy for, Liara. For the first time, Dahlia allowed herself to be selfish and to want to be in a longstanding relationship. For the first time she sees herself willing to sacrifice everything for the one she loves, she is beyond head over heels for Liara. She platonically falls in love with every one of her friends, even if she's the worst at showing it. She loves these people more than life itself.

Nicola Amell: growing up in the Circle, with templars looming over your shoulders every second of the day- she never really bothered to invest any time in crushes, never giving them the chance to grow into something more. She devoted all her time to her studies and squashed any crush at the start. She didn't actually let herself fall in love until she felt her life was on the line, until she met Leliana. It was the first time she ever truly loved another person in a romantic sense, and she was going to live in every moment as if it were her last. Even by the time of the events of Trespasser, Nicola still takes the time and effort to send love letters and gifts to the now Divine Victoria. No amount of blights, ancient tevinters, nor elvish gods will ever keep the Warden Commander from her love.

Delaney Hawke: well, being a half elf mage apostate constantly living on the run for a majority of her life- she never really had time to actively meet people long enough to develop an emotional connection. Most of her crushes were as short lived as their homes. 

Until moving to Kirkwall, that was. Having a crazy band of misfits that constantly follow you around, it's hard not to form attachments. Platonic or romantic. And when she fell for Isabela, she fell hard. I'm talking about head in the clouds, only able to think of one name. She's never experienced a crush like that and it freaked her out. Instead of telling Isabela about her feelings, she ran to Varric. Almost immediately. Delaney unsure of how to handle love in a romantic way, and Isabela shutting love out- it took quite some time for those two to establish themselves in a relationship. But even in those standstills, Delaney had almost expected her heart to move on, but it did the exact opposite- caused her love to grow stronger. Even now in Inquisition time, it took all of Delaney's strength to leave the comfort of Isabela's ship to go aid Varric. Not wanting to be separated for long, but not wanting to leave her best friend high and dry (who she loves very very much.

Gryff Hawke: like his twin sister, Delaney, he never had the time (nor desire really) to search for any love. At the time, the love of his 3 siblings and his parents was enough for him. He was happy and content. He knew he didn't need a relationship to be happy and content, so he never actively searched for one. Hell, even in Kirkwall, he was too busy keeping him and his sister out of Meredith's grasp and keeping the qunari at bay. But he did quite literally stumble into thoughts of a certain glowing elf, and never realized just how far he had fallen for him. Despite their differences they saw on magic, Gryff knew Fenris was the one he wanted to be with. For the first time ever, Gryff was actively seeking out affection for another person romantically. He will never admit it, but it was the best feeling he ever had. His love language is traipsing across thedas taking out slavers with his badass boyfriend.

Kiri Lavellan: Kiri LOVES being in love, adores the feelings of warmth and security a partner brings. She has had a few partners of course, but none ever lasted too long, especially amongst her Dalish clan, where everyone knows everyone's business. That being said though, she doesn't jump right into anything. When she loves someone it's very slowly and then all at once, pouring her heart and soul into her partners. Which was fairly difficult when it came to Sera, given her stance on the dalish, magic, and dalish magic. That didn't deter her though, she was understanding and patient and more than happy to move at Sera's pace. Despite their difficulties and differences, there's never been a stronger bond between pairings- Sera was so devoted to her inky, even as far as post Exalted Council, following Kiri back to her clan and being introduced to Kiri's friends and family.

Niamh Valyn: here's another one who just claims she never has time for a relationship. Not saying she will actively deter them, she just- doesn't expect anyone to want to put up with extensive time apart due to her place with the Rangers. She's fallen in love platonically more than romantically, and she's not going to complain. She loves her friends very dearly, they're her whole world, even if they're miles apart. But when it comes to romance, she finds it to be more difficult to keep a relationship going, finds it more emotionally taxing at times and just hasn't really put any thought into seeking someone out. She's content with where she is, if someone comes along who willingly wants to deal with distance- she will happily accept. 

Ezra Marlowe (because I forgot to tag her and she's my baby): twice. She's fallen in love twice, and the first time damn near killed her. She let herself love so wholly and blindly, she never anticipated being hurt (quite literally.)

After that she felt very scared of any romantic advances, even if she was the one to initiate- she'd eventually run off if her overwhelming fear of being hurt overcame her.

After a while, the second time- it was a very slow, unsure path she took. But this man, the love of her life, Bashir, had proven just how much Ezra means to him. Through patience and care and understanding. Ezra once again allowed herself to love wholeheartedly, and for once, she's not scared.

Roux Lux: now here is someone who falls in love with the world anytime the sun sets or rises. She loves virtually everyone she meets. She falls head over heels for all her friends, in the most platonic way possible. She gives everyone the same special treatment, affection, and adoration as she does with a romantic partner. Though, Beetle may receive extra special treatment for being her amour. When she was ready to tell Beetle how she felt about him, she did so in the cutest puppet show..which she spent days hand crafting her props and painting new marionettes 😭

😊 What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC generally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy?

Dahlia Shepard: it's hard for her to always feel happy when there's an impending invasion on their doorsteps, but one surefire way to cheer her up is a quick call to her son, Otikk, a little salarian boy. He is such a lively, happy go lucky boy, and always eager to cheer his mama up. Dahlia comes off very brash and intimidating, but she very much loves pulling her friends out of the dark- whether through inspiring words, or distracting them with their favorite hobbies.

Nicola Amell: even with the blight raging, she always looked for the little things to cheer her up. To be honest, just having her closest friends at her back was more than enough. Knowing that she will always have people to pick her back up if she falls was the greatest comfort and a thought that always lingered when she felt low. Making other people happy is what being a hero is all about in her mind. When others around her feel safe and are smiling, that fills her with so much pride and joy.

Delaney Hawke: ah yes, the one who finds any reason to crack a joke- ill timed or not. To be honest whenever she's in a low spot, just curling up in bed with her mabari, Junji, is enough. Though sometimes having Isabela sprawled across next to her, having her tell tales of her life at sea, watching her put on an exaggerated reenactment of exciting fights is just what she needs too. Or sitting around a table with everyone, letting Varric make up stories on the spot, everyone happily buzzed…. Never fails to bring a smile to her face. She's generally very chipper and easy going, so everyone assumes by the amount of quips and playful teasing. Deep below, she's miserable, and full of guilt and self doubt. She doesn't like letting her friends know that, so she puts up this front and goes to any extent to make sure no one else feels how she does.

Gryff Hawke: raging ball of anger who has a hard time letting himself be happy- especially trying to keep himself and his twin alive and out of the Gallows. It's hard to feel happy when everything you do backfires and bites you in the ass, even when you know you did everything you could. Even with this rowdy band of misfits at your back, sometimes it just feels like you're drowning. But sometimes there's a hand to pull you up, bring life and air into your lungs. Having Fenris curled up beside him, quietly and slowly reading through a particularly difficult chapter, pausing to ask you what a word says- it reminds Gryff that there are things worth smiling about, and oftentimes they're the ones to pull you out of the dark.

Kiri Lavellan: being dragged into a humans holy war and being propped up as their god's herald- it takes a lot out of you, and Kiri always fears she is about to get uprooted from her dalish heritage at any moment. So in the quiet rests, she finds herself reciting stories in private that the keeper once told her. Anything that reminds her of her roots, where she comes from. She tries very hard to keep a brave face, a beaming smile, one that would inspire hope amongst her men. She wants others to believe she can do this, that she's not scared, anything to instill security in those around her.

Niamh Valyn: when she's feeling lost or homesick, no matter where she is, she carries a leather-bound journal filled with bedtime stories her mother and father read to her as a child. Cuddled up with her wolf companion, Zarola, and her pipe- it's like all her worries just melt away. Even if she looks stoic and imposing like a stormy mountain, she's a very happy person. She's content with where she is, and easily makes those close to her at ease with her playfulness and cheekiness.

Ezra Marlowe: to her, all her happiness she keeps is heavily guarded and protected, not willing to let it go, risking getting hurt. She has no issues pushing people away and hurting them to protect herself. But that being said, those who truly know her, they know she can be enjoyable to have around...in an annoying sibling kind of way. Always looking to push buttons for a laugh. But on her darkest days, she finds the most comfort in the arms of Bashir. He's one of the fre who can easily calm her nerves, bring her back to reality and truly make her feel safe.

Roux Lux: a walking ray of sunshine, this one. Wherever she goes, she leaves a trail of smiles and mirth in her wake. She love love loves creating smiles and making people laugh and feel good. Its why she joined the circus to begin with, her puppet shows have brought nothing but joyful squeals and it's the greatest feeling in the world to the changeling. She's always in the happiest of moods, rarely is she seen without a smile. Yet on those rare days when she feels small and insignificant- curling up in Beetle's lap and listening to him hum soft appraisal to her is all she needs to bounce back to her original self.

#sorry this took so long to answer!!!!! #asks #long post #dahlia shepard #nicola amell #delaney hawke #gryff hawke #kirivatriel lavellan #niamh valyn #ezra marlowe #roux lux

[drkcnry67]

join me?

title: join me?

pairing: Jared x reader

rating: 18+

fluff: single parent AU

kink: shower sex

tags: shower sex, single parent x single nanny, vaginal penetration, climax, asking someone you know to become your partner in raising your child

summery: not telling

mentioning @sweetness47​

created for @spnfluffbingo​ @spnkinkbingo​

kink list   fluff list

the following AD you had placed on all the job boards:

“if you are a Single parent in need of someone to move in to help look after your kids, clean, cook for you Im that person. obviously i can cook, clean, drive, shop for groceries you know the esentials. basically anything you would require of me i can accomplish. call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx, to discuss details. sincerely YN. PS im willing to relocate if needbe. thank you for reading this.”

just like that it was done, it was posted. now, all you had to do was wait. someone was bound to call eventually. 

after 3 weeks you were about to re-post the ad, your phone rang. someone from san Antonio, as far as you were concerned you knew of no one who lived in that corner of the world. 

you took a chance and answered the call. 

YN: hello!

Jared: yes, im looking for YN

YN: thats me

Jared: perfect, my name is Jared Padalecki. i’m a single father to a 4 year old boy named Thomas. he’s my mess maker & i love him to bits. but balancing between work and parenting is alot harder than most people think. my wife had divorced me she felt like i didnt care enough about her or the foundation she built, so one night she walked out and i havent seen her since. so anyway i was looking through the ads for live in nanny when i came across yours. your ad drew me to it, im sorry if this sounds too forward but its been hard. 

YN: not at all. so what are the terms of this job?

Jared: well, as we speak im just finishing the details of your flight to San Antonio which first of all i need your current location like where you are coming from and how much baggage you are bringing. 

YN: thats very kind of you to book me a flight. im coming from San Francisco with 3 suitcases and 2 carry ons. most of it are small keepsakes and other sich clothing items i pick up along the way. but not a big deal i just dont have a permenant home to leave anything at. so if you dont mind me coming with all my little nik naks and figurines...

Jared chuckled in the background before he spoke.

Jared: girl, i think we can deal with that. ill buy some wall shelves and a special case for your statues and figures, with enough room that should you want more you can get more. There will be a vehicle you can use to transport my son to school and do errands and stuff like that, there will be a spare room included for you with your own bathroom. The shopping can be done by you after you drop my son off to school on a day of your choosing. If you like all that your duties do not include yard maintenence. You are free to take my son out for shopping trips as well, you get a shared card to my all expense account to do all your spending for the house and for yourself. It goes straight to my account it's all good. I want your time here to be awesome.

YN: this is my cell, please tell me you have some good news about my flight details. 

Jared: check your texts. 

You check your messages before you go back to the call.

YN: thats a good flight, so what kind of plans are for when i get there. 

Jared: well if you want we can go get the groceries when you arrive, after we leave the airport. then we can go for lunch and get you a few pretty things. sign some bank papers to put your name in my accounts. 

Yn: that sounds good, I've just sent notice to my landlord, I'm just packing up some of my figures now. I'm gonna have to get my license and stuff switched over to Texas state license but I'm excited for this.

Jared: i know as am i its been a while since we had any type of female presence in the house. we havent any such thing, but tomorrow that all changes. i know that you are gonna bring a light into our lives that hasnt been here in well ever. 

YN: glad i can help, now lets see whats the day tomorrow yields. 

Jared: i am so excited, so is my son. he keeps asking when you are gonna be here. but it is gonna be a happy day tomorrow. i know that this is gonna sound strange, but i hope your the one that can save me.

you heard his tone change instantly, you felt the power coming from it. you felt the wet in your panties. you were not okay in the slightest. but you felt amazing at the same time. 

YN: i guess ill let you go. ill shoot you a text when i get to the airport. cause i want to help you. i want to be the one to save you. 

neither of you knew what the hell just happened, neither of you would remember what was said, at the end of it neither of you would be able to state the words of the other. it will remain that way till a different day in the near off future. 

Jared: ill see you tomorrow... YN.

YN: jared.

the call ended, it was the moment when you felt like you could breathe again. the moment when you felt as though it would be your last. the moment when you felt like you were on cloud 9. 

you went to the cornerstore to get a few travel items. a few other things as well. a lot of times before you travel you do this kind of big shop, but this time was not like most times. Jared was providing everything for you, you had to bring you and what you currently owned, as well as your documents and stuff like that. 

after cleaning most of what you could in the apartment, you set your alarm and went to bed. you woke up to your 6:00am alarm. it was a long time but you were also a good half hour to the airport. you wanted plenty of time for check in and travel distance. 

finishing packing, leaving your keys to the apartment in the hands of your landlord who helped you bring your bags out the front door. she wished you a safe trip and to call if you were ever in the area again. 

you brought your bags to the cab and got in. you told the driver to take you to the airport. upon arrival at the airport, the cab driver helped you load your bags onto a cart and drove off.  you pushed the cart into the airport, went to the check in desk. 

check in lady: may i see your ticket and passport please?

You hand over your ticket and passsport. the lady scans your ticket and hands both your passport and ticket back to you. 

check in lady: alright your good to go, the gift shop is open if you want to stop there, its just on your left passed security.

Yn: do I give you my suitcases! Well at least the ones that aren't carry ons.

Check in lady ushers for a security guard to come round to take the 3 suitcases from you. To which you smile and thank them and head off to go through security.

Security guard: please put all your bags in a bin, your jacket and shoes as well as your jewelry in this bin and then you can stand on this square we will bring you through and go from there.

you did as asked. you complied you went to stand on the square, were waved through, the thing didnt beep but you were still patted down and then given your stuff back.  sent on your merry way, you were happily walking through the airport again. 

you went to the gift shop, you were buying a few puzzle books to keep you entertained on the flight. as well as a dress off the rack and some playing cards (one of each type), and some statues. these ones were small but made you smile.

you paid for everything and then went to the bathroom to change and organize your bags. you come out of the bathroom, your hair is up in a ponytail. you go take a seat holding your passport and ticket. 

after half hour of sitting there, your flight number was called. You pulled out your phone, texting Jared.

Yn (by text): morning, I am about to board my flight

Jared (by text): morning, I hope you have a safe flight, Thom and i cant wait to see you. Thom made you a sign we will be holding it, you have my word and honor that we will be good, we will all get along quite good. 

YN (by text): of course, as do i. i look forward to getting to San Antonio and beginning a new life. the pre flight is starting ill let you know when i land. 

Jared (by text): have a safe flight. see you in a few hours. i gotta bathe the kiddo. 

The pre flight took a bit longer than you thought it would, but Jared's message was one you ended up saving as a screenshot. You listened to your music when the flight attendant said we were free to use the screens ahead of us and whatever else. 

You even did some puzzle books and wrote in your journal. 

You were nervous, of course you were nervous. This was the first time you were gonna meet a single dad and a son. Thoughts of what they might look like floated through your mind. The thoughts of the life you were stepping into were beyond what your mind could conjour. 

But the way he spoke to you said something about saving you, made you wonder if something more was happening to him. 

Something maybe in his past that might be coming after him now. There was a darkness in his voice that you couldn't shake. 

But you shoke it off, you were not gonna let these thoughts consume you. You waited for the hours to pass, and they did rather quickly. 

For what was once 30 mins that had passed, became an hour and a half. You were almost there. 8 am quickly turned into 1030am there was still half hour to go. 

This was it the landing checks the whole pack up whatever you took out, close the trays un recline your seats, take out and shut off your music speech came quickly. You put away the books and things, you held your phone in one hand using the other to get up form your seat. You followed the people out of the plane. 

You walked out onto the concourse and made sure you were lookin good before you stepped onto the escalator. 

Jared was watching, but when his eyes landed on you coming toward him he smiled. He couldn't help himself. A little voice in his head told him not to smile, but to jump you instead. Jared ignored that voice for he didn't want to do anything harmful with Thom around. Even then he wouldn't. he instead watched you walk toward him. 

Jared: YN.

YN: you must be Jared. It is a pleasure to meet you. 

You both shake hands but a spark flows between both of your hands. Before you place your bags on the ground and look at Thom. 

YN: you must be the little cutie. Did you make this sign all by yourself?

Thom nods and gives you a hug which you graciously return. You were feeling happy. 

Jared: i think we should go wait by the luggage bay so we can grab your luggage. Then we can head off for lunch and shopping and paper filling. 

YN: the luggage should have started coming out by now anyway right?

Jared: possibly. But i want to hear more about you, your adventures and can i just say that dress is delectable. 

There it was again, that deep dark tone to his voice. He now held his hand out for your bags as Thom was urging for you to carry him. Jared carried your carry ons, you carried Thom who just smiled happily. 

Jared: ive never seen Thom take kindly to anyone before. This is gonna work out just fine. 

YN: thom is so sweet, i look forward to working with him on a daily basis. I also look forward to helping you with the house. 

You smiled as thom came up to you and sat in your lap. Jared just watched amazed by your skill with kids. 

As the luggage came round you pointed out your suitcases to Jared who grabbed them placing them on the cart. 

You held thom who just contently hugged you. He nestled himself against the crook of your neck, soft snores filled yours and Jared's ears shortly after. 

Jared: he barely slept last night he was too excited. I'm not surprised that he is sleeping now. 

Jared says as you all walk to the car, Jared with the luggage cart, you holding thom. You gently placed thom in the car, you watch Jared place the luggage in the trunk. 

Jared: and you are the miracle worker, he is asleep. He will sleep till we wake him for lunch. He will also hopefully sleep through the bank and licencing appointments. 

Before he could say another word you went over and gave him a kiss to his cheek. The air between you both was growing thin. 

This would have been your first kiss if not for the fact that jared’s watch went off. 

Jared: we have to be at the bank in half an hour. Which is perfect but first i want to try something. Just dont move.

You didnt move you stood there as Jared slid his hand around your waist. And placed a soft kiss to your neck. Then moved to whisper in your ear. 

Jared: a little bit of food for thought. The darkness is growing inside me and i swear i will hold it back as long as i can. But you need to understand you are the only one who can stop the darkness. 

You went round to your side of the vehicle. Feeling a little flustered. Jared was behind you, you turned to see him, his eyes starring at you. His hand on your own, you feel a spark, you feel that same spark that you both had felt back in the airport, when you first met. 

The ride to the bank was good, you and jared talked and went over a list for shopping and made a list of things to do when you arrived to Jared’s home. You were done the bank & licensing appointments.

 Deciding that it would be easier pick up take out for lunch as Thom was still sleeping. Like he was out like a light. You guys were able to quickly go in follow the list and get everything on the list. Finally on the road with lunch and heading home to Jareds. 

YN: so i guess i will need to set up some stuff and unpack. 

Jared: ill even help you set up and build the shelving and things. Believe me your suite is gonna be your style when we are through with it. We are almost there. Then we will get you settled. And its still early in the day. 

YN: lets hope that we can get a majority of this done before thom wakes up. 

Jared: or at least un pack the car or have the lawn care people help with that as well. Ill just pay them extra for it.  

Within a few moments after that you guys pull dup to a gate, where Jared used a key card to open it. 

Jared: welcome to your new home YN! 

From that point in the day you and Jared and thom spent it getting acquainted, you did some schooling with thom, jaredd helped you set up your suite, Jared and you celebrated with a glass of wine each before bed from then on.  More little moments were stollen like the one that happened in the airport. 

Something worse would be a drift in the near future. you didnt know what but you had a feeling that something would come to light that you would never expect in a million years. 

~its now been 8 months and 12 days since you came to live with Jared and Thom. you settled in quite nicely. you drove back and forth to get thom to and from school, you cooked, cleaned and you happily did all the laundry. now we start our story again on the last day of school, with you just having picked up Thom from school and are in the car driving back home~

you had just gotten on the freeway Thom had passed out a while back for his afternoon nap. you were just happy for a small moment of peace and quiet. but your bluetooth came through the car at a volume that thankfully didnt wake Thom. 

you saw it was Jared so obviously you answered. 

Jared: hey hows it going?

Yn: good, thom is having a nap, im just on the freeway. how was work?

Jared: good, i couldnt wait for the day to be over. i have a surprise for you. 

YN: for me or for me and thom or for all 3 of us

Jared: call it a family surprise. 

YN: wait im part of the family. none of my jobs previously had ever considered me part of the family. its nice to finally be included in an actual family. 

you could hear jared chuckle before he continued to speak. 

Jared: i know you are new to the whole permenant family thing, and we are always gonna have a home here for you. but i want to celebrate the start of summer with a tradition. 

YN: something new or something old?

Jared: a new tradition one that starts as soon as you guys get home... 

YN: and will i need to pack a bag?

Jared: yes although i had my assistant at work go out and buy you a few new things for this trip today, so how long till you guys get home... 

suddenly thom pipes up from the background. 

thom: hi daddy.

Jared: hey little man, ive got a surprise for you when you and YN get home. 

YN: we will see you in 10 minutes jared. 

Jared: see you in the driveway 

the call ended and you handed thom a sucker from your center console. he smiled and giggled all the rest of the way home. you pulled into the driveway parking in your normal spot. 

Jared comes round to bring thom out first, after spinning him around before setting him down on the ground, he comes round to your side. he opens the door and extends his hand to you. 

he helps you out of the car, and walks you to the door. where you all enter before Jared send thom up to his room to get ready. guess he had told thom the secret before he told you, but you were now standing in the living room with Jared who turns to you.

YN: what is the big surprise, i assume you told Thom and thats why he ran upstairs all excited. 

Jared: i bought us a vacation house about 2 months ago. it is all season, and we get to go there and spend these next 6 weeks there. its in canyon lake about 2 hours by car. thom will probably sleep at least part of the way there. but YN i want you to know that i have a secret one that has me flustered enough to internally keep it from you for he is the glue that holds us together. but i wonder if perhaps we as in us 2 have a few things we can be together. 

before you could respond Jared leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to your lips, for those 2 seconds it was like heaven had shot you with an arrow.

Jared pulled back and began to walk toward the kitchen to pack some trip snacks and drinks. but before leaving you alone in the living room he spoke.

Jared: ill leave you with that food for thought for it will be something to definately make conversation about later.

That kiss, your only real first kiss. Made you extremely excited. But the drive the 2 hour drive had you all hot and bothered. you went to pack your stuff in your bag. well at least thats what you thought, when you got to your room, you saw a suitcase, one filled with yours and Jareds stuff. maybe you guys were traveling light or there was already stuff out there for you guys.

you packed your journals, some games and a few books and of course a deck of cards in your backpack. you wheeled the suitcase out of the suite while carrying the backpack. then you went back in to put your hair back.

you heard someone calling your name. you answered the call and heard footsteps coming to your room. you turned to see Jared standing there, like nothing had happened downstairs.

Jared: are we almost ready to go?

YN: almost. just gonna get into something a bit more vacay less public appearance. meet you down in 2... 

Jared: wear something sexy. i guarantee that you will be the hottest thing in the car. and you can pick the music. 

you grabbed something out of the closet and took it into the bathroom. you came out to see Jared standing not  facing you. till you would speak woulkd be when he would know you were there.

YN: does that mean we are bluetoothing it all the way there.

Jared: got the wireless charging pad installed and all ready to go. plus i hooked your phone to the bluetooth already. now when you are ready we will head out.

YN: i know. jared are we gonna discuss what happened between us downstairs?

Jared: that kind of talk is better suited for vacation. 

thom is waiting by the door, you and jared bring down the last of the stuff. thom just as excited about this vacation as any little child should be. everything was loaded in the car, you went to lock the house and set the alarm. but before setting the alarm, you said the one word that you were sure might confirm your suspicions. 

YN: christo!

the cross on the wall near by turned upside down. you finished setting the alarm after salting the doors and windows. only hoping that this would be easy, but now you were certain that you had figured out the darkness that Jared kept mentioning. 

you went to the car, sitting down you nodded at Jared to start driving. and it was declared right then and there that you all were officially on vacation. Thom sat quietly and eventually passed out. your music playing in the background, Jared realizing that Thom had fallen asleep moved his hand to rest on your thigh.

this made you look at him, the darkness in his eyes faded when you placed your hand on his. the darkness that starred at you, the way his hand tightened on your thigh. you were the luckiest girl in the world. you hoped that this vacay would yield the answers you hoped you didnt need. 

over the last little while you had done research on what you thought might be the darkness latched to Jared. after what happened in the house before you left with the cross. you were certain. Jared was possessed. and you had to stop this thing from doing something he would regret. 

your mind circled with those thoughts, but a voice brought you out of your own mind.

Jared: you have been quiet, is everythign alright?

YN: yes everything is fine. just going over the list and making sure we dont need to have the lawn people do any extra tasks while we are gone.

jared: why do you think we forgot something?

YN: its just a feeling. but its nothing to worry about. now when we get there i assume that we are gonne have a tour and a chance to unpack before we decide our first vacation activity.

Jared: i also hope you dont mind sharing a room with me. its a little 5 bedroom cottage but the 3rd, 4th and 5th rooms are supposed to be guest rooms. they only has a cot and no closet. we are just waiting on a few parts to be reno’d in there. 

YN: i think i can live with this arrangement. thom i assume is gonna be in a room close by.

Jared: yep he is at one end of the hall we are at the other. you know when i called you all those months ago, asking you to fly out here to help me, i was ready to give up on finding someone to help me take care of the house and Thom. but your ad made me have hope that maybe you would be the one that would save me.

YN: i think i know what darkness follows you but i wont know forsure until i can run a test. 

Jared: what kind of test

YN: one that would need to be done when Thom is asleep. one that i hope will either prove me right or prove me a liar. that is if your willing to try.

Jared: im willing to try anything.

YN: well then we will try it tonight after Thom goes to bed. 

neither of you had realized how much time had passed, then you saw a sign. Jared smiled.

Jared: we are close now.

YN: that sign that i just saw is that where we are going?

Jared: yep. once you se the place you will understand why i got it. and i sound proofed the master, just in case...

he winked at you as he slowed down at the edge of a driveway. he then guided your gaze to look ahead at the cottage that now stod before you.

Thom woke up shortly after you had pulled him out of the car. he rubbed his eyes and smiled as he ran toward the house, screaming happily as he approached the steps. where he waited for you and Jared. 

you both brought what you could while still having hands to open the door and help Thom up the stairs. jared unlocked the door allowing you and thom to walk through first. your eyes went wide at the first glance of your home away from home with Jared and Thom. 

this was gonna be an amazing vacation. you put down what you carried, as well as let go of Thom who was running around looking at everything. you spun round and somehow landed in the arms of Jared.

Jared: what do you think?

YN: what do i think.. this is amazing. i love this. this is incredible. i wouldnt trade this vacation for anything. honestly i would rather be no where else. im quite happy here. 

Jared: as in this home or my arms.

YN: both. jared, i i... 

just as your about to speak again. you and jared are interrupted by thom coming out of a nearby room half dressed. 

Thom: daddy, YN can we go swimming now...

jared set you back on your feet and you both laughed. 

Jared: in a few moments bud we gotta find the swim suits first. 

as Jared said that the attendants brought up the luggage. you looked at Jared who just smiled and whispered in your ear.

Jared: you have the summer off to relax for 6 weeks. just be normal with me and Thom. these next hours could prove several things for us. starting with lets take Thom swimming and then go from there. we will hopefully eat when we return. the attendants are already preparing supper. 

you could do nothing except smile. it was already turning into a really steamy vacay. you went to where you saw jared going through your shared suitcase. first chance you got you grabbed your bikini and cover.

you went into the nearby spare room closing the door behind you. you get changed, you could hear Jared ask one of the attendants to take Thom to find him a life jacket from the boat house. then you heard silence. 

then you heard the sound of the door knob turning, you were only half done tying your bikini. when Jared walked in shirtless and wearing his swim trunks. 

Jared: need help?

you froze in place at his words it was like your actions were not your own. it was a few seconds after that you felt his hands around your waist sliding slowly up your back.

Jared: i wish we had this place to ourselves. we would not be leaving that master suite for a while. 

YN: i wish Thom was asleep so i could take away your darkness. 

Jared: so you know what it is...

YN: yes and i need you alone when i take away the darkness, Thom would be in too much danger. dont worry you will be darkness free soon. you will be back in the light and free to live your live happy with me and Thom. im not gonna let this darkness ruin your life any longer. tonight it gets banished.

Jared: just gotta tire Thom out enough that he will sleep tonight. 

YN: well then lets not keep him waiting any longer. 

you and jared walk outside and down the path to the lake. you were amazed at the wonder and beauty before you. bout halfway to the lake, you were pressed against the back side of a nearby tree. Jared’s eyes darkened at the sight of you, the feeling of your body beneath his hands had him hard, you could feel it against your lower back. 

Jared: once Thom is gone to bed, I'm gonna make Jared watch through his own eyes as I fuck you into next week. Jared will never inhabit his body again.

You struggled slightly before speaking.

YN: i address the entity within, who are you?

Jared’s form just smiled evily at you, his hands still freely roaming your body. 

YN: well you should also know that you wont live long enough to fuck me into next week. im gonna expell you from Jared’s body and send you back where you came from. now i command thee for all that light brings give me Jared back immediately.

once you finished speaking Jared’s body fell to his knees, you kneel down to only be hugged by Jared.

Jared: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

YN: don't worry, just calm down. That demon is gonna be gone when I do the ritual. Take a few moments to breathe, I'm gonna go sit on the dock where the attendant is in the shallows with thom. Just take your time.

You placed a kiss to his cheek, then walked the rest of the way to the lake. Upon arrival at the lake, you watched the attendant and Thom, playing in the shallow water.

Attendant: miss YN. Where is Master Jared?

YN: he will be along shortly he just wanted to check his messages make sure everything is running smoothly.

Attendant: then I shall stay down here with you both till he arrives. How do you like the place Miss?

Yn: it's gorgeous. I love it. I have never been invited to go on any type of vacation. Not even in my own family. So this was a really awesome surprise.

Attendant: that is so sad... Well to many more times like this then. Thom here is a amazing little kiddo, you have been working so hard master Jared just wanted to give you a vacation you wouldn't soon forget.

Thom meanwhile was just enjoying the water, his expression had a huge smile on it. He was wet head to toe and absolutely having fun!

You kept waiting on the dock for Jared to approach and for 10 min he didn't till you, looked and saw his form approach.

you sat on the dock and felt him slide down behind you, his legs are on either side of yours, his arms round your waist. you both sat there enjoying the view while Thom played with the attendant in the water below. neither you nor Jared felt like moving knowing that in a few hours you both would be expelling the demonic force that lay now dormant inside Jared. 

Jared: do you know what is better than sitting here on the dock.

YN: what

Jared: sitting on the dock with you surrounded by nature, this will be the best vacation ever once we get rid of the demon.

~time skip to a few hours later. after some swimming you all went back to the house for dinner. after dinner you guys played a game or 2 with Thom who then went with one of the attendants and had a bath, then it was time to put him to sleep. you and Jared read him a story, then he fell fast asleep. for he truely was tuckered out, you and Jared dismissed the attendants and locked the doors for the evening. you both went to the master suite as we return to the story.~

YN: i need to set something up first can you wait like 5 minutes before you enter the bathroom. oh and dont plan on showering in your trunks, and bring towels with you. i have a feeling like we will need them when we are done. 

Jared: ill see you in there.

you walk towards the bathroom, holding the prayer beeds in one hand and un doing your bikini in the other. you placed the bikini on the ground and set your phone on the counter. 

YN:  Exorcizo te, creatura aquae. In nomine dei patris omnipotentis et in virtute spiritus sancti.

you finished the incantation and placed the rosery on the shower head so it lands in the water. then you took one look out the window and just let the water run over your body. 

Jared walks in with nothing on he places the towels on the counter, you see him out of the corner of your eye.

Yn: join me?

Jared didn't need an invitation he was already climbing in behind you. For he knew that this was the only way to expell the demon.

You turned around and now faced him, you looked up at him holding his gaze you move him round so he is under the water.

His body starts shaking that's when you spoke again.

Yn: please let this work...

You had him lift you up so he was holding you as you slid down onto his cock, and spoke the incantation that hopefully would save his life. In other words bring his light fuller to push away the darkness.

Also there was a Devils trap in the floor where jard was standing you had the attendantz draw one, for the demon to be sent straight back to hell. With a clear voice the following words were spoken by you.

Yn: exorcisomus te, omnis immunus spirits, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursion infernalis adversarri, omnis legio, omnis congregato, insectas diabolicas, ergo dracto malidicte, eclesium secura fascious liberate, te regamous, audinos

At that point black smoke came out of Jared's mouth, and went straight through the floor. When Jared looked at you again his eyes were clear and he leaned you against the wall.

He began thrusting his hard cock in and out of your pussy. It was something that both of you had dreamed about for months.

His hard cock pounding your sensitive tender pussy. With each thrust you climaxed. But it was the kisses that left you both breathless.

The more he thrust the more he came. After 45 minutes and 16 climaxes for the both of you.

Jared set you down, helped you rinse off, both of you getting out after Jared turned off the water, Jared wrapped a towel round you, then he dried himself off.

Jared: thank you. Thank you for saving my life. But where did you learn to do that.

YN: too much research on the paranormal. I knew something was off and when that demon named himself I knew what I had to do. 

Jared: would you consider making your time here a role more permenant than just a nanny?

YN: what kind of role would that be?

you are immediately pickd up and placed on the bed with Jared crawling on top of you. he made love to you for a few moments before just curling up with you in his arms and muttered only 2 words before he crashed.

Jared: marry me

you used voice command to turn out the lights before passing out yourself. when you both woke the next morning with just a sheet covering your still cuddling forms. you blinked a bit before moving a piece of Jared’s hair out of his eyes. 

it was a few moments later that Jared stirred. 

YN: morning handsome.

Jared: that was the best ive slept in years. 

YN: do you remember saying anything after we hit the pillow last night.

Jared twists away from you for a moment and pulls something out of one of the drawers in his nightstand, before coming back to your embrace.

Jared: all this time i felt empty and now i want nothing more than to have you stay permenantly. YN will you partner with me in raising Thom full time, not as a nanny but as a step mom to him. YN i believ i already asked you this but will you marry me?

he reveals a small rose gold band with a 15k diamond in the center surrounded by your birthstone and Jareds birth stone. this made you nod alot, trying to find your voice as the cool metal band slid on your finger. 

YN: yes! yes yes yes!!!! but umm does this mean we dont have to leave this bed right away. 

Jared: i think that can be arranged besides its still early. its only 6am... we are still on work time. 

going back to cuddle mode you admired your new ring as Jared now once more wraped your form in his own, your leg draped over his hip and you guys were basically a free range pretzel. so to speak. it became the start of the life you always wanted something permenant and stable. not loose and ragged. 

goes to show love strikes when you least expect it.

#spnkinkbingo #spnfluffbingo

[hanniiesuckle17]

i would like to bless your followers and dash, sooo can you give me a crash course in noir 😊😊

OMG YES OFCCCCCC💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

OKAY SO HERE IS THE DEAL

NOIR is a nine-member boy group under Luk Factory

(Not really pleased with how they are promoting my boys but imma get over it one day!)

Our fan name is Lumiere (or Lumi) and we don’t have any official colors or a lightstick yet.

Noir debuted on April 9th of 2018. With the mini-album Twenty’s Noir. Their title debut song was Gansta (SUCHA GOOD VIDEO) 

They also had a predebut song called As a Star and it makes me so soft.

Their next comeback is on the 27th (THIS MONDAY!!!!!!) The album is called Up the Sky and the title track is called Lucifer

IM SO FUCKING EXCITED YOU HAVE NO IDEA

MEMBERS 

Shin Seunghoon

Shin Seunghoon is our precious leader!!!! 

(He was what got me into Noir. I saw a video about the best leaders in kpop and I was like)

He is 27 years old. His birthday is May 30th, 1993 (He is a Gemini)

Boy is tallllllllllllllllllllll

like he’s 5′10.

but in pictures by himself he for real looks like he is 6′2

istg he is like 65% legs.

ALSO MAN AS A RIPPED CHEST SORRY BACK TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED NOIRING

He is the leader, main rapper, and also sometimes a vocalist (but the rappers in this group pretty much fo everything)

HE SPITS FIRE when he wants to. 

Really good at freestyling 

He makes mixtapes on youtube on Noir’s channel. (I think he has 5 out now)

He is a college-educated man!!!! (He went to Korean National Open University

He took taekwondo when he was younger

The man trained for 8 years

He and Hoyeon compose and format a lot of their songs with a team of producers from LUK

(I often think he and Chan from skz are really similar.)

Seunghoon is legit a father of 8 soft crackhead kids. istg he is so done with them most of the time

We call him our koala because he looks like one <3

Seunghoon is obsessed with accessories and wearing them to the point where stylists literally have to take them off of him. (I have never not seen picture of him not wearing jewelry. )

he is actually in the military right now and i miss him so fricking much TT

All in all hot boy on screen and soft dad in real life

Kim Yeonkuk

this boy I cant

Kim Yeonkuk. Damn.

he was on Produce 101 season 2

he was eliminated on ep.5 :(

He is the lead dancer and a vocalist

Yeonkuk is 25 years old. His birthday is February 8, 1995 (An Aquarius)

is totally the aegyo king but denies it

he seems cold at first but has a big ass bright personality its so freakin adorable

my personal favorite clip of him is and the boys dancing around on vlive to big bang and him saying fantastic baby (its sounds so cute when he says it)

He is also a 5′10 tall boy

he trained for 3 years

THIS BOY IS SO FREAKING SKINNY SOMEONE PLEASE EGIVE HIM A HAMBURGER OR SOMETHING TAKE HIM TO TACO BELL

not kidding

his waist is so fucking small its scary.

Yeonkuk=stringbean

literally a walking meme.

pause in any interview and he is pretty much gonna give you a memeable face

this boy is so loveable and goofy 

also if this boy doesn't post like 8 photos of him doing something on insta im convinced he thinks that it just didn’t happen

he never posts just one photo its always like 6-8

also I was highkey afraid he was gonna go bald last comeback when they legit turned his hair into smurfs pubes

Lee Junyong

Lee Junyong. When i say i love this man with my whole heart

also 25 years old

his birthday is March 1st 1995 (Pisces)

another 5′10 king

Main vocalist.

he is a former member of INX

his brother is Seungyong from N.CUS

he trained for 4 years

THIS MAN IS TOO ATTRACTIVE FOR THIS EARTH

vocals for days. VOCALS.FOR.DAYS.

Did a cover of BTS’s The Truth Untold with Siha and literally gives me chills.

He has little crooked front teeth so when he sings he has this tiny little breath in some of the words so his voice is even more distinct

BUT LIKE JUNYONG HAS THE CUTEST SMILE EVER (I love his teeth in that's a weird thing to say but i think they are so cute)

he is 1/2 of the Highnote Belting Club

talks. all. the. freaking. time.

he goes live alot

boy is obsessed with Yunsung someone save yunsung from him

total crackhead when not doing real interviews

never fails to make me smile

he is said to be the moodmaker of the group

APPARENTLY HE WAS IN ONE EPISODE OF MY FAVORITE DRAMA AND I HAD NO IDEA

he was in episode 6 of The Liar and His Lover

overall he is just so sweet and funny and its so easy to love him

Nam Yunsung

Yunsung is the Lead vocalist and Visual

24 years old His birthday is August 29, 1996

He is a virgooo

MAN IS 6FT EVEN

lead vocalist and LOOKS IT

he is the king of intense eye contact with the camera 

he looks like legit prince charming

2/2 of Highnote Belting Club

weird af

istg he is the biggest crackhead

very extra. (as you can see in gif)

he calls himself a vampire because of his super pale skin

he trained for 4 years

he raps part time

HE ACTUALLY ENJOYS EXCERCISE

he hides snack between his bed and the wall but apparently daewon and junyong steal them

I think he rooms with junyong? not sure

Someone save him from junyong. boy is going to be smothered to death

ngl their relationship is really cute

he was also in Produce 101 S2 but left bc of health issues.

cutest thing ever and then turns into a devil onstage

a literal puppy

he is big fan of ateez and he and another member actually went to the groups first concert in korea

he is just so precious and weird 

Kim Siheon

oml this smol bean

Kim Siheon god damn

He is 23 years old

Birthday is December 23, 1997 (Capricorn like meeeee)

also 5′10 babyy

Vocalist but also a rapper (he rapped suga’s part in their remix of BTS Fake Love)

LIKES TO BIAS WREKC FREAKING EVERYONE

Beware the Siheon

He has a hot older sister, Hanbit, from a group called Hot Place (Their debut song is called TMI and its pretty good.)

HOTNESS RUNS IN HIS FAMILY

he trained for 5 months

he really likes drawing and does caricatures of his members

he is the eyebrow king

idk his eyesbrows are just.... 

stylists do things to his eyebrows anf it just fucks everyone up

high key has the best fashion sense

others boys willshow up to vlive in like hoodies and he is wearing a freakin casual suit

BOY PLAYS TO WIN’

he is like a boss at every kind of game

claims himself to be sweet like “Heonie”

“Hi! I’m siheon! Heonie Heonie Siheonie!”

he is a litter quieter than the other guys 

BUT he is so funny 

he doesn't like spice on his food for some reason

yeah he's crazy

he trained for 5 years

he's just precious and hot and hot and really hot

Ryu Hoyeon

THIS MAN HAS GIVEN ME SO MANY PROBLEMS

Ryu Hoyeon.

So he is my bias wrecker. Boy climbed up my bias list so freaking fast

He is the main dancer, vocalist, and a rapper (he also composes and arranges with Seunghoon)

He is 22 years old

His birthday is February 6, 1998 (Aquarius)

anontherrrrr 5′10 babbyyyy

cheekkkkkbooonnneeeessss

SHARK BOYY

He says he looks like a shark and i agree

HE HAS A NICE FUCKING TORSO

There was a predebut photo of him half shirtless it was awesome

he was also on Produce 101 S2 

eliminated on ep.5 :(

he trained for 2 years

He, yeonkuk, and seunghoon were in the Japanese tour of the musical Altar Boyz with Teen top’s Niel,2PM’s Chansung, and many others

he has a semi viral video of him

when he was a trainee / on produce 101 he was dancing to nct127 cherry bomb and had an unfortunate but quite hilarious accident (just look it up its funny)

sucks ass at games. every game. ever.

he is a low-key crackhead. he is a calm crackhead lol

VERY ATTRACTIVE

he used to have a youtube channel

you can still see his insta (leaderyoo) its so freaking cute and has predebut stuff of all the boys

he made their entire remix of fake love

he choreographed their song Diamond and also their cover of Taki Taki (which was very hot)

becomes a beast when dancing

he has an original chore to WEight in Gold that is very.......(insert eyebrow wiggle here)

has that dorito torso

(tiny waist and broad shoulders)

also thighs god damn

He is also a HUGE Vixx fanboy

Alter ego is DJ Ironman

He is very close with Siha, Siheon, and Yeonkuk

they turned him into a traffic cone for the Doom Doom comeback

he speaks a little bit of English (just a little bit)

all in all I'm completely in love with this man

Yang Siha 

THIS MAN IS SO FINEEEEEEE (he's my bias btw I have never been so in love with a man other than jisung)

Yang Siha is just uugghghhh god damn

22 year old babyyyy

Birthday is March 9, 1998 (Pisces)

Lil baby is 5′7″ oml i love him

MAIN VOCALIST AND DESERVES IT

he likes watching youtube videos and anime

He trained for 1 year and 1/2

looks good in every freaking hair color

his voice does NOT MATHC HIS FACE 

but not like in a Felix level way

He says his most attractive features are his “feminine features” (he says his unpronounced Adams apple and his small noes and doe eyes

HE HAS SMOL EARSSSS and i lovethem

close with Hoyeon and Siheon

but like his voice though

its so freaking pretty

it gives me chills

everything about him is perfect

he has tiny lips lol

he can play guitar

legit i swear his entire closet is black he rarely wears color

legit EVERYONE LOVES HIM

if someone is hugging anyone in a vlive or something

its siha

its always siha

everyone cuddles siha

i wanna cuddle siha. fuck.

for some reason I've just noticed this

the boy likes to wear long sleeves idk why

he also always seems to wear this one necklace Idk why but its so pretty and i really love that he does idk

he says his favorite song by NOIR is Travel (its also my favorite. its on their debut album and omg his part <3)

he is just so pure oml everything he posts on insta just makes me so soft

he is just so freakin cute and makes me switch lanes so fast

Kim Minhyuk

ooooof this cutie

Kim Minhyuk is something else

i just don't know what he is lol

Lead rapper and lead dancer

22 years old

His birthday is March 18th, 1998 (Pisces)

5′11 boy yes sir

ALSO A COLLEGE EDUCATED MAN

He went to Seoul Arts College

he has an older brother

apparently he cooks in the dorms

he trained for 1 year

he likes to play basketball

he really loves taking photos on his camera

he HATES bugs. its kind of funny ngl

he also is deathly afraid of balloons (i will not apologize for laughing at this one)

He and yunsung loooove ateez. they went to their first concert.

HE SERVES LOOOOKKKSSS

I think he is the most versatile member (look wise) because sometimes its hard to recognize him with each comeback because they change his style

he has these really cute big circle glasses he wear and just uwu

he kinda looks like Simon or Theodore from Alvin in the chipmunks in the best way.

he has a thing about jumping

like whenever he gets excited or happy he just starts jumping

he smiles like sunshineeeeee

even though he is the second youngest a lot of the members say that they go to him for advice 

(probably cause he has permanent hold of one of the 3 braincells noir has)

he looooves girl group dances 

especially twice 

TIKTOK KING 

He owns Noir’s tiktok pretty much. also their insta

he's a precious chipmunk

Kim Daewon

Thhis baby oml

Kim Daewon is the cutest thing since that fluffy little dog whose name i cant remember

20 years old 

Birthday is April 18th, 2000 (Aries)

Lead Dancer, vocalist, maknae

PROTEC THIS BABY BOY

In pictures he looks tall af

actually...

5′7″ but looks like 5′4″

the cutest thing everrrrr

HIS CHEEEKS

the biggest fluffiest cutest cheeks

everything about him is smol except for them thighssss

trained for 1 year

he has one older sister

THE BOY NEEDS MORE LINESSSS LUK FACTORY GIVE HIM MORE LINESSSSSS

he goes off in the chorus of their b-side track “Between” though like fuuuuuuucccckkkk (lowkey one of my favorite songs by them)

literally one of the funniest people you will ever see

extra crackhead energy

makes all the boys laugh

he loves chicken and snacks (gotta keep those cheeks in top shape)

literally the softest boy

he's good at everything i swear

he likes to shimmy.

has a cute butt lol

he talks in tiny

literally the cutest maknae ever oml

I hope this helped guys!!!!! I really hope you can stan noir and support them in their comeback this Monday! I hope this helped @distrikt9 if you need videos or anything feel free to ask! I love sharing my boys. They really are so underrated. I did this so fast ngl. I've never typed so fast

#noir #noir imagines #intro to noir #kpop intro #kpop groups #noir reactions #noir members #noir comeback #noir up the sky #noir lucifer #noir airplane mode #noir doom doom #noir gansta #noir kpop imagine #noir kpop #shin seunghoon #kim yeonkuk imagines #lee junyong imagine #nam yunsung #kim siheon #ryu hoyeon #yang siha #kim minhyuk #kim daewon #new kpop groups #introducing new groups #get to know noir #get to know kpop #noir preferences #noir oneshots

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

Okay so for youtube au who's the one who does all the stupid challenges? Like I'm talking the 8 minute planking on top of a McDonald's sign kind of stupid challenge

Aaaaa i love you and inlove talking about theyre dumbassery

And even though he doesnt have a channel of his own its remus, its one hundred percent one Remus Abel Prince.

But heres the thing the glorious part of it anon

He does all these stupid dangerous channels on dee's channel. They film and post them as lighthearted breaks from dee's usual urban explorations(as sometimes they can get freaky and suspenseful and heavy) so they post these like 10-15 minute videos of remus taking dares and challenges, only the ones he knows are dumb and reckless and they spend remus's whole days off filming him just going absolutely feral and doing all these challenges(with varying success i will add) and post them the next day with wildly stupid titles(dee's fans fucking love some of these videos)

Theyre filmed like vlogs, with dee usually behind the camera following behind half heartedly warning remus "careful, you might get hurt..." "Oh fuck off im an adult ill live!"

Various of these videos include

Jungle obstacle course(making terribly unstable obstacles in the woods out of town and just going feral trying to get through everything as fast and uninjuried as possible. Filmed after it rained and everything was wet and mucky)

Knife fight(self explanatory really. They took theyre pocket knives and pretended they were swords and fought over whod pay for gas and lunch[dee won that time but both these dumbasses lost because they had to patch up before vee and logan found out] cussing up a storm with every swipe. There was no serious or lasting damage or even deep cuts. But there were alot of little bleeding cuts. This isnt there first time doing so)

I swear i didnt get arrested for this-somehow(this would be parkouring and planking on random public things and other reckless stunts in places like the downtown shopping plaza that they absolutely shouldve been arrested for)

Diy broke survival guide( they go backpacking just outside of town on a dare saying they would spend overnight in a creepy/rumored haunted place, usually in the woods)

And many other things. Remus is a man who thrives on the chaos of being an absolute dumbass with his best friend with an excuse to do stupid things! Logan is exasperated but at this point as long as he stays mostlynsafe and doesnt get arrested he doesnt protest too much. Remus isnt stupid doing stupid stuff, he knows the limit and unfortunately from being a chaotic bastard most of hisnlife hes damn near an expert at controlled chaos

Thanks for asking! Feel free to ask more!!

Taglist

@phantommoonpeople

@sweetsweetemo

@leesacrakon

@amazable01

@heyhelloitsk

@strawberryjellystuff

@jemthebookworm

@max-is-tired

@seriously-a-dragon

@sar-kasstic

@soupspam

@riarites

@yalltookmyurlideas

@unsocialchapeau

@hyperions-stallion

#sander sides #sander sides au #asks #anon asks #youtube au #sander sides youtube au #ts remus #remus sanders #ts janus #janus sanders #intrulogical mention #anxciet au #anxciet mention #characters info

[bleedingthirium]

Gavin x Reader (Stressed Out)

Authors Note: -Sobs- I tried to go for a softer Gavin Reed around his S/O at home but I feel like I went a little out of character. And I wrote ALOT. Im sorry! But I hope you enjoy it and I’m so sorry if it’s bad. And sorry it took so long to post.

Warnings: Swearing (because it’s fucking Gavin, c’mon people. GET A MOVE ON!) Category: Fluff

You and Gavin work completely opposite jobs; he was around dead people all the time, trying to find the murderer… whereas you were (more or less) based upon keeping people alive. Or – eventually, it would be come your job. Technically you held half a title as a Nurse. You’ve still got a lot of studying to do before you became a fully registered nurse. Though the doubts were slowly creeping in from the back of your mind, clouding your focus as you sat on the floor leaning your back against the couch. For some reason you preferred to sit on the floor with your studies spread across the coffee table. You know this wasn’t good for your posture, being a Nurse-in-training, you definitely knew better! At least everything was in reach and you didn’t have to lean yourself halfway over a dining room table to retrieve a document or textbook that happened to be a little bit too far from your reach. This was more or less how Gavin found you. Sitting on the floor with your studies surrounding you.

“Hey Babe. How’s your day?” He asked as he shut the door behind him, grey eyes taking in the copious amounts of paperwork and text books and forced himself to hold back a groan because he hated paperwork. The last thing he wanted to come home to was more paperwork, it reminded him too much of being back at the precinct. Of course, he didn’t outwardly complain because he knew this type of paperwork was necessary/essential. No way in hell he’d ever tell you to pack it away.

You didn’t even hear the keys jingle in the doorknob, or even hear him walk in until his voice suddenly yanked you out of your thoughts, causing you to jump almost ten feet in the air! “Jesus Gav! A bit of warning!” you gasped, hand flying to your chest in fright, as if you were attempting to calm your frantically beating heart down. “I gotta come home some time, babe.” He chuckled, clearly amused at catching you off guard. Your reaction was pretty fucking priceless. But his reaction slowly fell as realization dawned on his features. He had said goodbye to you this morning just as you were setting up for your study sesh. Except it had only been three text books and a small file of paperwork. Not this strewn of a mess. “Y/N? Have you been there the entire day?” Your eyebrows lifted as if Gavin just asked the most ridiculous question in the universe, but when your eyes glanced to the clock on the wall, they widened at the time. 6:30pm! What the hell!? Where the hell did the time go!? “Uh, I guess so? Then that also means I haven’t gotten as far as I’d like. I’ve still got a report to write, essays… Oh my god, I’ve got a test to study that I almost forgot about!” A hand lifted to your forehead in stress before sliding down your cheek and your E/C orbs glanced around at the mess. “I’ve got so much to do! Not enough time. I’m going to fail. Oh my god, I’m going to fail!” “You’re not going to fail.” Gavin’s firm voice spoke through your thoughts. This wasn’t the first time he’s helped you through a mild anxiety attack regarding your studies. Stepping over some of your books and paperwork, you watched as he made his way over to you, lifting his leg slightly as he swung it behind him so he could straddle the couch behind you, so that you now sat in between his legs. “You were born to be a Nurse. I’ve seen how you’ve patched me up. Your gentle with your hands. It’s one of the things I fell in love with.” You leaned back, head tilting back and upwards to glance back up at him. “Just my hands? Not my heart or my beautiful face?” Gavin quietly chuckled, “And your sense of humor.” Speaking of hands, you suddenly felt his hands on your shoulders. You immediately let out a groan of satisfaction as his fingertips firmly pressed into the knots on your shoulder. Gavin was quiet as he began massaging your shoulders; giving you a small break from your workload, knowing he can at least offer something to help you. Judging by the roll of your head and the small mewls of pleasure coming from you, he must be doing a good job! It wasn’t often Gavin massages you. Mostly due to his own hectic workload, and quite often he came home exhausted. But when he does, oh his fingers are magic and immediately have you trapped under their spell. “I don’t know Gavin…” you started, biting your bottom lip before letting it go. “I’m worried I’m in over my head. My passion is to help people and there are other ways of doing that. This whole medical study is a little too hard.” There was certainly no mistaking the disappointment in your voice and Gavin stopped in his ministrations for a moment before picking up again. “Y’know…when I studied to become a police officer, I didn’t think I’d get through.” He quietly opened up to you a little. It’s not often he does, he’s just not a very open person and you learned that it was easier to let him come to you when he’s ready rather than you question for answers. “I was just some dumb punk kid. Couldn’t spell. Kept pickin’ fights, worried I was gonna end up on the wrong side of the law indefinitely. But, uh… here I am. Y’know? The physical stuff was easy. Loved it. But the academic stuff? The studying, the essays? Man, it felt like bullshit. My final exam… y’know, the one that really matters…? Thought I’d fucked it up completely. I studied as hard as I could but it felt like nothing… I left that exam room, ready to quit. Wanted to quit. Hell, I even almost tore up my acceptance letter. There was just no way in hell I was gonna make it. But I did. And you will too. Just keep going, Y/N. Don’t give up. The world needs you as a Nurse. I need you as a Nurse. Who else is gonna patch me up?” You let out a sigh as Gavin kept working the knots on your shoulders, and his firm voice slowly soothing your worries. To others who didn’t know Gavin, one would assume he was being a bit harsh or blunt with his speech, but you knew the tones of endearment that lay within the message he was trying to send. “Take a breather, Y/N.” Gavin suggested when you didn’t respond to his little spiel that came from the heart. He didn’t take offense to you not replying. He knew you tend let things process a little before taking on board what was said. “I can’t. I have so much to do.” You said as you leant sideways on his knee, a hand waving at the mess of papers and textbooks everywhere. “Your burnt out. You’re gonna get shit done tonight. You don’t think I’ve been where you are? You’re gonna just sit there and re-read the same question for the next three hours, trying to make sense of it. And you’re gonna write fuck all because your brain is tired.” His fingers had stopped massaging across your skin, but they had now begun to caress softly across your shoulders before dropping to your upper arms and giving them a squeeze of reassurance. He’s head coming to lean down and press against the side of yours as you both sat there for a moment in silence. You hadn’t argued against him so, to him, that meant you were likely contemplating what he was suggesting and would heed his advice in stopping for the night. His grey eyes spotted something in one of your text books and frowned, trying to make out what the fuck it was… “What’s that?” he asked, pointing to something that represented a certain type of sweet. “It’s a spleen.” “Looks like a jelly bean to me.” “Yeah, well it wouldn’t taste like one.” “How would you know? Have you ever tasted one before? Are you secretly a cannibal that I don’t know about? … ‘cause that’s kinda hot. Let’s do it!” Joking of course, he attacked your neck with kisses, making you smile and the small sound of laughter escaped. Gavin’s heart fluttered just a bit knowing he made you smile, even if it was just a small smile… “C’mon Y/N. Pack all this away. Start fresh tomorrow.” “Yes Detective.” You murmured, teasingly using his title which you did every now and then. It always earned a small sound of laughter from him. With a kiss to your temple, Gavin wiggled himself out of being trapped on the couch by your body, and left you to pack up your paperwork. He would have helped but he didn’t want to mess up any system you had going (working on case files at the Precinct, he knew what it was like to have a mess of papers spread out across the table but for it to also be an ‘organised mess’). You barely paid any mind to where Gavin was going, assuming he’d gone to take a shower or something. You focused on packing things away, feeling a little more at ease after Gavin was able to place your mind to rest. This is one of the things you adored so much about him; at first glance he looks like a gruff person you wouldn’t dare be friends with, but underneath all that… there’s a much sweeter side to him. It took him ages to show it, but you saw his potential, caught glimpses of it beneath his rough-boy exterior. Hence why you never gave up on him.

Everything in two neat piles, you carried both to the dining room table and set them there, ready to tackle tomorrow. For now, you needed to focus on cooking dinner because even though it’s been a long day for you, it’s been an even longer day for the poor Detective. And the last thing he needed to come home to was a stressed out girlfriend. “Hey, Gav? What do you want for dinner?” You called out from the kitchen, hand resting on the countertop with a finger idly tapping away in thought because you hadn’t prepared anything earlier. “Don’t worry about dinner” Gavin said as he rounded the corner into the kitchen, making you jump ten feet in the air. Again, making him chuckle at your reaction. “Ran you a bubble bath. Go relax. I’ll handle tonight.” Had your hand not been resting on the countertop, you would’ve fainted at the offer. All this time Gavin had prepared you a bubble bath while you were tidying up your papers, despite his own long-ass day. How the hell did you get so lucky to have him? How the hell did people not see that he was such a kind man beneath his rough exterior? “I… but what about dinner?” “I’ll order pizza. Now go. Water’s gettin’ cold.” You stared at him just a moment longer before the relief washed over your body and your shoulders sagged, hand sliding off the bench. “Sounds good.” You softly murmured before walking up to him and pressing a kiss against his cheek. You didn’t see it as you made your way to the bathroom, but Gavin had a stupid smile on his face. He may not show it in all the right ways, but he was head over heels for you. He fucking worshipped the ground you walked on. You were that softness he needed in the world of cruelty he was exposed to either by his job or his own damn actions. You soaked in the bath for a good long while – or until your stomach started growling loudly and ruined the mental aesthetic you had going on. The last thing you expected Gavin to do was run you a bath, much less a bubble bath. Just add it to one of the many things you loved about him. Like it was said, he doesn’t show his love or appreciation in normal ways. But the massage, the bubble bath, the taking over the evening’s plans so you can relax despite his own long and stressful day… those were the ways he shows he cares. It wasn’t long before you were snug in your pyjama’s and followed the scent of Pizza that sat on the coffee table, Gavin patiently waiting for you to join him before he began eating. You hated that he does that, he needs to eat. No need to wait for you. But then again, you adored that he had some gentlemanly values. Because, looking at him (or with your first impression of him), you thought he lacked them entirely. There was a bottle of water waiting for you too, as sweet as Gavin was to take everything into consideration, it made you feel even more guilty because he’s had a long day and you haven’t even asked about his day, or how he was going! You quietly sat down and took your half of the cardboard box that had your pizza on it. “Hey. You’re gonna make a great Nurse one day.” Glancing over to him, you saw the sincerity in his grey eyes. He 100% believed in you. No doubts. Your eyes quickly shifted to the kitchen table before glancing back at Gavin again. He’s right. You can do this. You’ll do it for him. A gentle smile spread across your face, blush lightly tinging your cheeks. “Thank you, Gavin. For everything.” “Hey, c’mon now. How many times have I come home late or pulled an all-nighter? It’s the least I could do. Besides. You got no idea how hot you’re gonna look in your uniform.” “They’ll be scrubs Gavin. Not the 1950s get-up.” “Still gonna look hot babe. And ‘m still gonna rip ‘em off you.” You chuckled softly at the underlining compliment before moving a little closer to him on the couch, resting against his arm. To which he moved it slightly so you could rest in the crook of his side while you ate. “I mean it Y/N. You’re gonna be great and I’m so proud of you.”  

#gavin reed x reader #gavin reed #DBH Gavin #gavin reed imagines #gavin reed imagine #dbh gavin imagine #DBH Imagines #DBH Requests #gavin reed soft #gavin reed one-shot #gavin reed one shot #gavin reed is my weakness #dbh x reader #detroit become human x reader #detroit become human #detroit become human imagine #detroit become human request #oh god please don't judge me

[will-i-everape-my-despair]

my life

okay where to begin  when i was young or when i wasnt?

alright ill start from the beggining 

it wasnt a great life

well not ideal anyways 

when i was born i almost died, my mother was diagnosed with post natal depression in spain, yeah i was born there ....when having to move to australia because spain isnt good with that sorta support .......my dad said he would come 

he lied

he cheated on my mother and decided to marry someone else, meanwhile my mother braught her one and only daughter with her, me 

i loved my mother because everyone else didnt like me , or atleast because of my mental contition they thaught i wasnt worth anything , i became dependent , and knew a world where you wernt huged nor kissed often, you had to grow up fast or youll be left behind .....mum helped of course but .....idk i wasnt an easy child to take care of , i didnt understand most things like love, respect ect i.....i dint understand emotions , she had to teach me to emote and to sleep, at least thats what she said 

when i first moved it was an expierience but , from then on my scheduales got stricter and my mother would get violent for no reason i thaught , i didnt uunderstand why she got so mad , i wasnt the best child but i never knew why

she hit me pulled my hair blackmailed me berated me ABUSED me 

and yet 

i still loved her , because when all you are taught was despair .......how can you see it as bad?,

expecialy when the world was against you 

======

i moved schools , into a new area  it was fun....i was scared at first ....and it was also my first taste of hope  i prefferred school over home  why? well....my family aint the best  i was often the scapegoat for my cousins actions , which just made the family hate us more ......except my grandparents  i was either sheltered , or mum just didnt have time to teach me idk  but my aunties not my mother would take care of me....when i was very very sick .....mum had to work 

from here it gets fuzzy 

i only remember a few things , when i was sick being forced to go to school, we never celebrated halloween like ever , i didnt do my homework because i would weasel out of it , and for the longest time i felt well.....sick .....inside or outside no idea i thaught is was depression, mum asked me why i feel like that and said then i dont have it 

====

we moved again 

more like we got kicked out 

and then

from there

mum only got

WORSE

we moved into someone named tonys house .....he was....to put it simply, a piece of shit , how mum fell in love is BEYOND me  he....liked to make mum mad....and sick her on me by running out of the house  from here ........i developed insomnia , my pillow was more full of tears than dreams , and tbh i had horrible nightmares , when i told mum she didnt look concerned.....well her eyes never showed it not that i knew ......i was .....always medicated but .......this was new i felt 

lost broken void emotionless empty expecialy after my cousin made me his little prostitute

still i was expected to work, my hair that used to shine like gold in the sun....lost all of it and my hair started turning white , i have more grey hairs than the average teen my sparkle was long gone....and i hid myself in the world of my mind and technology, eye baggs were visible and i dint do anything heh kinda like now.....i went to tutoring....i avoided work like the plauge  around this time however mum told me about her old faith....Jehovas Witness  i was sure why not  i at first ....it seemed so lovely  and i actively participated at this point i was in high school ... the family was in conflict...and school wasnt much better  then came....the dreaded ......scrunchie incident did i mention i was never left alone at home? because i was in highschool and still going to day care well i made friends in this little toddlers day care and well...i was invited to a party.....i just had a shower and lost the scrunchie i always wore and still do wear mum became enraged pulling my ears my hair making me hyperventilate ...i might of died no idea thank god abuello saved me  after a while of tonys bs, and becoming completely dead inside i....we moved again  i was still a JW but then......i became less trustfull of anything and anyone ....i looked at it .....and saw how condtradictory it was  i saw how bad the school system really was .....the more i searched on the net the more i learnt .....and the more i learnt the more i knew...

something was WRONG 

then last year in yr 10 maths......is the devil...expecaily the advanced stuff ....lets just say school wasnt safe anymore and math class made me pass out due to stress mum would hit me over homework, or throw my books in fits of rage then told me its YOUR FAULT i do this , YOUR FAULT that im breaking jehovas laws! and i actualy faught back after she nearly bashed my head in ..........i .....the iron my grandma died two years ago

english class wasnt too bad, but this one asssignment mum re wrote the whole thing ..........because “it didnt make sense “  i told her to shove it and not to be infolved in my work anymore

 i hate school the***pists ......i was overwhelmed......and at the end of the year i ......broke.....BAD....i told all my fellow classmates everything i had experienced........................to come home.....get called by my mother......and get yelled at .....over the phone.....for telling the truth......not because she was scared for me.....but because of her reputation.....she yelled at me and berated me.....i was still breaking and in a flash a thaught  one single thing “would anyone care if i died?” “if i died would mum be happy and free from me” “maybe i should go im a waste”  

i grabbed a knife  held it to my chest and couldnt do it  i thaught of my family, my friends and how they might feel

only to get berating texts and yelled at by my auntie  

then......yr 11 poped up  and the acedemic sprang into place  ....mum and i ......dont ....arent.....we arent compatible i found out after this  it was online work....my ADHD ass couldnt DO that....and what was worse my alters made themselves KNOWN ha  ha hahaha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA killer kit my mother with a bottle and she whined of how i could of killed her....i distrusted him after that  i cried in the kitchen...laughing like a phycho  ... .................. ............................ and they were very distracting towards my work....which is what CAUSED that in the first place  term 2  well i found a friend group on line  they are angles  really they are 

tbh before yr 11 i was a bit better  but now i had well ALOT of appointments that i dint want  that didnt help  and the kids ......liked making me scared  term three is now  my grandpa died i finnaly cut myself off the JW  i told mum how i felt , the truth like she WANTED  she told me im spinning things that im abusive that shes a servant  i know i dont do much.....but my boddy is broken....i dont have motivation  and this place keeps me sane  and  alive one more year in the chambers of despair  and when that year is up the frail angel that lost her wings will be given the power  to soar to hope once again 

#idk #look this is a depressing blog #tw abuse #tw suicide #tw death #tw despair #will i ever excape? #or am i forever destined to live in despair

[blue-eyedangel21]

I’m sorry..

So I wrote a whole essay yesterday only for tumblr to be really stupid and I lost it. Anyways, I came to write out my feelings and my thoughts before being done with this tumblr.  I've mentioned this tumblr to you before and you didn't care enough to even look at it for yourself. So I'm sure me typing all this is a huge waste of time but its worth losing this amount of time to let out everything I need to, to move on. It's time I put this all in my past. So we tried again recently.  And I fucked it up. Because that's all I've been doing for years now.  I'm really sorry, truly, for how i behaved and lashed out on you. It's not okay how I handled that situation.  But I have told people time and time again that I am NOT doing well mentally or emotionally. And I was not kidding nor exaggerating, as you had to find out the hard way. I did try to calm myself down when I was mad and said how I felt and what I thought at first in the most calm way I knew how then you proceeded to be an asshole and talk to me sideways. So I lost my shit. You had the opportunity to see my ugly"asshole" side.  You say I can't handle yours  when I dealt with it for a year, but you couldn't handle mine after ONE time of lashing out on you. I did NOT ghost you. I told you in the voice clip, that I was done. YOU said you weren't listening to it. So therefore it was your fault that you didn't know i was done. Your fault that you didn't take the time to hear what I had to say and went around saying I ghosted you. In that moment of anger, I was done with you. But of course like always after my anger and feelings have calmed down, I felt like shit and regretted how I behaved and the stupid decisions I make when I'm upset. So in all of that out of control emotion, I lost you. And IT IS MY FAULT. And yes I do regret it. But what is done is done. I admitted to being the problem.  But im not all of what was wrong in that relationship.  You too had issues of your own that you did not hold yourself accountable for. And I dont find it fair that I had no problem admitting I was the issue and holding myself accountable for that and my behavior. However I rarely ever heard you own up to your shit. So I'm not taking all the blame but I can take most of it because some of it was me too and not just you. But I bet you are okay with me taking the blame for all of it. The constant leaving you was not because I wanted to but because of how you made me feel. Yet I felt like I couldn't live with you, I also couldn't live without you. And that was the confusing part. Why i probably kept going back and forth. I never felt this way about anyone . I never felt like I couldn't live with them but I couldn't live without them either. You have disrespected me many times and I bit my tongue and said nothing. My whole life I've been around drama and bullshit and narcissistic abuse.. so I dont know how to be confrontational in a healthy way or how to communicate effectively without feeling like im always the problem or im wrong or my feelings are wrong. And etc. It's hard to explain but a lot of that has to do with what I had to deal with growing up and still somewhat dealing with it as an adult. So im trying to break myself from bad, unhealthy, toxic behaviors and habits. So thats why im still doing and reacting the way i am. I am 25 years old and still dealing with that shit, its not part of my past yet, but it will be. So thats just explaining why I'm like this, not excusing it.  So the times I left were mostly YOUR fault. But you also left at least  2 times too..so it isn't all me. Every time I would for sure leave you alone, youd come running back. Just when I thought I could move on here you were. And sometimes I was the one running back. Like I said i was confused. But im not running back this time. I'm not gonna reach out to you. I dont hate you nor do I love you any less. I still love you with all of my heart and that hasn't changed nor will it ever even if that has changed for you because of how I've hurt you. But for me this is speaking my truth. And thsts the truth. I'm sorry that i threw everything we were trying to build together, in the garbage over an argument and because of my emotions and my mental health being so terrible. If I could go back and change that I would but we are better off going our separate ways. I'm sorrh I had to block you but I had to block Sierra too. I do not appreciate her posts. Feel what she may but what I wrote was honest and wasn't just about you but about others I've hurt along the way. You are not the only one. I don't care that she feels that way or if she doesn't like me anymore. She's not in my shoes nor are you, to understand or try to understand. I already admitted to being the issue so if she didn't like what I posted on my fb she could've just deleted and blocked me. But instead of reacting in a bad way i deleted and blocked her because i dont need negativity when im trying to heal and move on. I dont need her judgmentYou sent19 minutes agoNor do I need yours. You are always gonna see me as the bad guy and that's fine. But im no longer looking at myself that way. I'm seeing a woman who is trying to break herself from toxic ways and toxic behavior but is struggling to do it while also going through a lot of shit. Im flawed just like you..I'm not perfect. Not even close to it. I've been understanding and patient and always trying to see your perspective and its never really been a two ways street with you. You expect that from me but don't expect to give it back. And I'm tired of that. Been tired of that. I put it in alot of effort to make shit work when I was trying to fix things but I got tired, Bee. I didn't take you seriously because every time I tried to i didnt feel like you were taking it seriously enough to change your ways and your lifestyle. I wanted you to work so you had an income to better yourself and your future and also to help tatianna with Julian. As a single mom it is hard to take care of a kid by yourself and I wanted you to try to help her financially at least.  And not only a job but to stop drinking because I don't want you to end up in a coffin at such a young age. And to leave behind your son. How fair is that to Julian?  I love you, bee. I never want anything bad to happen to you even if you don't believe that. You're the only one who doesn't see how much i love you or how bad you have had an emotional toll on me. For some reason you're blinded by all of that. You say i didn't love you but if i hadn't I would've been done with you the very first time we broke up in November . But no I fell hard for you and put a lot of effort and love into us only for us to fall apart. So.. I hope you know i wanted a family with you too. I wanted to wake up next to you and my daughter,  and one day maybe. Not just my daughter. But a child of our own. With big blue eyes and curly hair.. that looked like you. I wanted a lil boy that looked like you with my eyes and hair and your face.  I wanted that more than i could tell you. I never could tell you that because i got embarrassed.  But I wanted that, with you. Not anyone else and now i feel like that I don't want another relationship.  Nor do i want to even bother starting over with someone else and feeling like this again. I don't even care anymore. Im so drained and exhausted. You were the love of my life. I fucked it up and now the bed I made, I have to lay in. So yeah you get the satisfaction of knowing I'm hurting and regretting what I did. But I get the satisfaction of never allowing myself to make this mistake again with another person and to focus on my issues with myself so I don't bring this kind of baggage and problems into my future relationships.  So maybe it's for the better that we move on. Maybe one day you can forgive me  enough to not hate me and maybe if I'm lucky enough to at least call you my friend.  I loved you like I've never loved anyone and it is hard to write without crying but I know that sometimes life is pain and heartbreak and that if we were ever meant to be than maybe somewhere down the road we could rekindle a friendship or more but maybe the timing is off and you were my right person but wrong time. . Maybe you'll come back...maybe you won't but please know you had my heart like no others. I felt that in my soul.  I felt it when I looked at you. When I thought about you. When i talked about you. When I looked in your eyes. When you smiled or laughed. When you were doing whatever and I was just staring at you. With every kiss. Every moment in your arms. When you were sleeping so peacefully.  When you were being you, I felt like i was home and I cant tell you the last time i felt that way. It was when my grandma was alive. So to find someone who was even close to feeling like home is a serious misfortune to lose like this. And losing you and this relationship will be a grieving process for me. I had to lose the one thing that brought me happiness, wholeness and love. So I'm heartbroken it has come to this because of my actions. But I love you Bee. Please take care of yourself.