#im talking about fictional characters because I’ve noticed I’m for the extremes

[umbralrosa]

10 Q’s

Tagged By: @s-talking Tagging: @casketdweller, @xmpereur, @the-ghoul-remains, @hail-the-one-eyed-king, @fallesto, @alvcrd, @astra-stellaris, @calamxty, and anyone who wishes to do so

ℒ:

1. When are you usually online? It’s spotty nowadays because of school, but otherwise -- always. I’m usually checking my phone the most or popping on the comport to check the activity page or scroll the dash. I’m always on my phone exclusively reading in tags and hanging around in IM’s if they’re blowing up. I’m eastern standard time in the U.S. so I’m particularly on my phone around 10-12 and my computer is varied.

2. What verses are you involved in? Yes. Just check the verses page I got one too many: Tokyo Ghoul, Destiny, Naruto, Witcher, Avatar The Last Airbender, InuYasha, Demon Slayer, Jujutsu Kaisen, My Hero Academia, Hellsing, Black Butler, Final Fantasy VII, and Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss.

3. What is your biggest RP pet peeve? When people obviously don’t read my rules, particularly any of the information on my muse on the blog before or after interacting. I have everything on SakuYoru on this blog that should cover just about all things real-life and fictional. Usually I get the occasional hypotheticals or needed clarifications, which I do enjoy dearly, but I always have been able to tell in the interactions when someone hasn’t done the needed homework. People always specify needing all information on an OC somewhere on the blog and I have it -- then they don’t do their own part reading it. Which goes in tandem with blogs that set up a muse page but have zero information on their muse or the verse they intend to write them in -- this is particular with canon muse blogs, and this leaves me confused despite knowing what canon character their roleplaying with. I also hate when there isn’t a tag for posts, particularly OOC ones so I can just block it without issue. I also have a problem with people following the blog and never interacting or reaching out at some point -- this is exclusively for those who I tried interacting with and received zero answers or was outright ignored, because I myself am extremely socially awkward and anxious so interacting is hard even with mutuals at times, and being ignored while seeing apparent favoritism is just... It cripples my confidence y’know, so I end up doing a clean-out to see who cares or not.

To name a few.

4. Are you drawn to specific types of muses? Them broody dark types always get me. Any character with a dark trauma-filled past basically. Bonus points if they make SakuYoru think and want to come out of their shell.

5. Are there reoccurring themes in your writing that people might not notice? I’m the one who doesn’t notice, so I have no idea m’self. I think I switch between 1st/2nd and 3rd person with SakuYoru in my writing, and lean on descriptions of the character, environment, and what the character is perceiving in real time. It’s the details that SakuYoru catches, and I want that conveyed always that they are always aware.

6. What are your favourite RP trends? I don’t even know what is trending right now on Tumblr. I live under a whole different rock even on the internet. I guess one of those aesthetic boards.

7. What is your process for starting a new story with someone? Plotting spooks me, so anything off an ask or meme that’s turned into a thread is much preferred. I think a given concept of a thread is what can roll with but I prefer that go-with-the-flow vibe.

8. How do you feel about duplicates? SakuYoru is my own OC, so I don’t think there will be duplicates there better fucking not be owo. I have had suspicions when people suddenly pull an idea out after interacting with SakuYoru and add a few copypastes, but I’ve anxiously assumed that 2 times on my whole time on Tumblr. 

9. How long have you been involved in roleplaying? *squints* 2009/2010 for sure. Assuming you’re not counting the weird larp/roleplay shenanigans kids do with their siblings through characters in multiplayer video games.

10. Is there a muse or verse you could write in, but haven’t? I think I got everything covered so far. I do have to get around to that Bloodborne, League of Legends, and any sub verses within other completed verses.

#玫Out Of Roses [OOC]

[hartrathaway]

Hii I'm interested in Hartley's story but I know literally nothing about him except that he was Wally's gay bestie in the 90s, what's his deal? Do you have any comic recs for him?

HI IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!!!!!!

Okay, so really brief, his dealio is: born to ‘incredibly rich’ parents (we never get a specified ballpark, but Hartley states that he was ‘born with two silver spoons in [his] mouth’ if that helps context wise), Hartley’s deaf!  His parents had him get cochlear implants when he was a child, which ‘medically healed him’.  (His deafness has been treated extremely ablest by writers who actually remember he’s deaf, I need to warn you of this now.)  He’s a music and sound waves guy, a former villain (it’s an on again off again relationship, but a lot of his character is defined by his time as a hero) and he’s very leftist.  Gay best friend in the AIDS crisis turned Wally West from a midwestern conservative to a leftie as well.  (Wally’s wife, Linda Park, was a major contributing factor, but we’re focusing on Hartley for this, so I’m gonna talk about him.)

I’ve got a mix of good reading from all over, so I’m gonna break this into sections, and do my best to describe which is which.  (all my screencaps are from this website right here, because i do not own all the back issues and it would have taken much, much longer to do this post, and as such, some of them are not sized or formatted correctly)  Click the read more if you’re interested!  Please note: I am not a 100% authority figure on Hartley, and I know there’s a few stories I have left out (the story with Bart Allen’s first appearance is a good one that Hartley is in), but these are the gist of who is he, what he’s been up to, and what is the family drama.

So for New Earth (otherwise known as post-Crisis on Infinite Earths), is where Hartley actually becomes Wally’s friend, and is a hero!  I’m going to focus on this section first.  Unfortunately, due to being a minor character, a lot of stuff is broken into small stories, or things that are happening behind the scenes, so there’s no real issue x - y that’s gonna help much.

The Flash Vol 2 #31, #32 Quick summary: In issue 31, supervillain here is killing homeless people, Hartley has been helping these same people get up on their feet by helping them get squatter’s rights.  They skip the fighting because a kid asks if they’re going to fight for a half hour and then team up, and go right to the team up.  They get Linda Park in, supervillain ends up backfiring his powers.  In issue 32, Wally, Hartley, and their pal Mason officially move to Keystone city.  Hartley’s folks are in trouble while the three of them are trying to freeload (off of Hartley’s parents, his and his parents’ relationship is better now than it had been, for a multitude of reasons), Wally and Hartley rescue Hartley’s parents, we also meet Jerrie, Hartley’s sister, and all is resolved there.  Yay, the family loves each other again!

(issue 31)

(issue 32)

The Flash Vol 2 #53 Special mention this is the issue where Hartley comes out and also has to inform Wally that Wally cannot tell who is a homosexual.  Also Wally’s an IRS agent here, for shame Wallace.  At least Hartley gets to cosplay Wally at the end, so that’s fun.  Content warning for this issue specifically is some casual homophobia, just so you know that going in.

(issue 53)

The Flash Vol 2 #170 In 170, Hartley’s being contacted by his father to call in ‘a favor’ that Hartley owes him.  The main plot line includes (one of) Wally’s ex(es) showing up, a former hero and teammate, Frances Kane, otherwise known as Magneta.  A person has been found murdered at Keystone Motors, and supervillain Goldface begins rallying union workers (which seems to just be a poorly timed coincidence).  The story itself (170 - 173) in and of itself is really fun, but I’m only going to talk about Hartley, or else I’ll be here all day.

(issue 170)

The Flash Vol 2 #174, #175, #178, #179 And here we get some drama! I’m grouping all of these together, since it’s all the same chunk of the story for Hartley, but since it’s the Flash, Wally’s center stage.  In 174, the people who were living with the Rathaway family aren’t exactly big fans of Hartley.  They know he’s changed his ways, he’s a hero now, but it’s just…  something feels off.  There’s loud music sounds, and bam!  Suddenly Hartley’s there and oh boy is this gonna be a hot mess.  In issue 175, we see some footage, and Hartley’s the lead suspect in his parents’ murder, considering that the footage has Hartley onscreen.  178 rolls up, and after Wally’s getting Gorilla Grodd taken care of (and that fight is a doozy), Wally gets to find out Hartley’s been arrested for the murder of his own parents, and Hartley confesses on-screen to his parents’ murder  (Also Hartley’s got a beard now, that’s how you know he’s depressed.) 179 opens with Hartley being processed.  Linda and Wally go to see him, and although Hartley confessed, he said “I think I did.”  (emphasis is mine; in the panel Hartley says “I think I did.”) Joker?  He’s got some Joker-fied people, and poor Hartley gets it too :(  Hartley straight up nearly kills Captain Boomerang (it’s okay, Wally stops him), and surprise!  Welcome back to Iron Heights Hartley.  Gonna have a fun time :)

(issue 174; this is the least messy part of the panel, but it was intended to be that way)

(issue 175)

(issue 178)

(issue 179)

The Flash: Iron Heights Brief interlude from the main comic line, we’ve got a one-shot that’s taking place in Iron Heights.  This takes place before Hartley gets arrested, presumably (since, y’know, they’re breaking in and all).  Fun one-shot honestly, keeps me on my toes the whole time.  Hartley’s a main character, and it’s less personal drama and very story driven.  You don’t need this to enjoy Hartley regardless, but I enjoy it!

(The Flash: Iron Heights, which you can read here.)

The Flash Volume 2 #189, #190 189! Now we find out how Hartley’s parents were actually murdered!  No spoilers, but we do get a prison breakout.  This is where we get some origin story! Don’t read this first though, because you’re going to be spoiling yourself the plot of his arrest.  In 190 we get more origin, including the way DC treated his deafness. (It’s ablest, and I’m still mentally grappling how you wouldn’t notice your child being deaf for two years, but okay Rachel and Osgood, you keep being bad.)  The story goes on for now, with Hartley on the run from… well, everyone.

(issue 189)

(issue 190)

This is pretty much it for New Earth Hartley up until Countdown.

I don’t like Countdown at all.  I’m much happier pretending that Countdown doesn’t exist (both because of how it treats Hartley for a multitude of reasons, and how Thad Thawne is treated leading up to Countdown).  More happens with Hartley’s storyline in Countdown, but I hate it with such a passion that I wouldn’t recommend it at all.  Countdown leads into Final Crisis, and I’m not a fan of either.  However, should you wish to read and make your own opinions, here’s Countdown and here’s Final Crisis.  Please note, Countdown’s issues are done in reverse order (so from issue 51 to 1, rather than 1 to 51)

And now I’m going to tell you the gospel truth:

I do like New 52 Hartley!  A lot. Unfortunately, he’s not as much in the n52 Flash run as I would like (but I’m biased, as obvious by my url).  What you need to know is that Hartley’s a musician now, like orchestra director, and he’s in a relationship with Barry’s boss, David Singh. (power move, honestly)  Unfortunately, we don’t get a whole lot in the main line.  Also at this point, the Wally West of New Earth hasn’t transitioned to the n52.  Wallace West of n52 is an entirely different character, and that’s a whole other issue for another discussion.  Wally West as we know him from New Earth doesn’t come back for a while.  Wally and Hartley haven’t talked since before Flashpoint, and that’s a shame. 

So read the Crimes of Passion Anthology he’s got please I’m begging you.  The only downside is that the artist gave him a haircut.

(Crimes of Passion: Secret Admirer)

I haven’t read anything DCeased related, and while I know Hartley gets his time to shine and kiss David, I can’t tell you much beyond that.  I’m pretty sure there’s other people who can tell you more, but it’s not me I’m afraid.  (This is me saying guys, please tell me about Hartley in DCeased, someone tell me about my fictional lavender marriage husband.)

#Anonymous #ask #hartley rathaway #pied piper #pied piper dc #dc #(for my own records) #i'm biased and i hope the read more keeps the worst of this off of my followers' dashes #hope this helps!!!!

[seulgiology]

kiss it better | park jimin

pairings: idol!jimin x choreographer!reader

words: 1.1k

genre: a little angsty

warnings: a minor injury, none really

a/n: i have been lacking as an admin 2 so this is really rushed so i am sorry if it isn’t as good. something short and it’s kinda bad im so sorryyy. I’ll make it up i promise but for now here it is. it’s a bit of a fast read so i’m gonna put this as a drabble ??? 

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

---

You sat in front of the mirror of one of the dance practice rooms in BigHit Entertainment. You took a good glance at yourself and cringe. It was noticeable that you had been crying the night before and since you didn’t wear makeup to work, it never crossed your mind when you had got out of the shower this morning, to put at least some concealer on.

Even though you have been refusing to talk to Jimin, you guys still worked together basically. He would still drive the two of you to work and you would lean your head against the window, heart hurting at the tense silence and awkwardness that has become of your relationship. You guys barely argue but when you do, it’s harsh for the both of you. 

You’re snapped out of your thoughts when the door opens and in walks Hoseok. He’s always one of the first members to show up if not Taehyung. You force a smile on your face at the sight of the sun itself. 

“Morning, Y/N-ah,” he greets and you greet him back. You’re reminded to start stretching as the other members start to pile in and as per usual, Jimin is the last one to show up. He was probably stretching in one of the other practice rooms since you had arrived early with him.

You guys don’t speak as the boys start to get ready for practice. Today you were going to go over the dance routine for their performance at MAMA in a few months. You know they have been working extremely hard and it was a strain on you as well.

You went over the dance with the boys more times than you can count and you were more tired than usual. You don’t know if it’s the restless nights or the distraction that is Jimin. You’ve never let Jimin affect your work before because you kept it professional. In fact, when working you and Jimin kept it professional. 

The boys were piling out of the room but you had to go over the dance routine again, being a stickler for details. Your head swam with thoughts of the events of the past couple of days. It happened two days ago when Jimin had come home tired and aggravated. It was best to steer clear of Jimin when he wasn’t in the mood but sometimes he wanted to be held. 

You tried to talk to him but he had told you to leave him alone in such an offputting tone, it had you do a double-take. You were relentless though and tried to comfort him but he had snapped at you. Called you annoying but instantly regretted it after, however not having the chance to apologize as you went off at him again. 

The two of you had argued for about five minutes before you told him to sleep in the guest room. He tried to apologize but you weren’t having any of it. Sure, you both had said some pretty messed up things but you both were too stubborn to apologize. You two were so attached to one another, you ended up apologizing at the same time. 

You were so caught up in your thoughts you didn’t realize when the door of the room opened but you heard Jimin’s voice. “Baby, the boys were-” Jimin quickly stopped himself when he realized the slip in his words just as you slipped yourself. 

The impact you made with the floor was harsh and you landed on your back, your head hitting the floor hard. Jimin’s eyes went wide and he rushed to you, his heart racing so fast e heard it in his ears. He heard and seen the way you fell and there was no way you didn’t have a concussion. 

You cry out in pain at the feeling washed up your back and straight to your head like someone just stabbed you in it. Your eyes were squeezed shut and your ears were ringing, not hearing your surroundings for a moment. You didn’t even feel the familiar hands of your boyfriend trying to soothe you because of the blinding pain. 

“Y/N,” Jimin was trying to stay as calm as possible but his words weren’t registering with you yet, even if it was your own name. His hands started to calm up nervously at the sight of you hurt and he wasn’t sure what to do. 

You blink your teary eyes open and you squint at the harsh lighting in the room. Then a face appears over yours and you’re relieved to see it is Jimin. Your head was throbbing and it felt like someone was hammering a big nail into your skull.

“Y/N, are you okay? You fell pretty hard,” Jimin says softly, moving some hair away from your face. Feeling him so close makes you want to cuddle into his warmth but then his words ring into your ears and your head starts to hurt even more.

“God, you’re just so annoying!”

You reluctantly push away despite knowing you’re hurting. “I’m fine,” you lie through gritted teeth and sit up slowly, blinking away your sudden blurry vision. 

“Don’t move, you could have a concussion,” Jimin tells you but you weakly swat his hands away from you. Jimin’s heart breaks knowing you didn’t want to be near him and he couldn’t bear knowing it was his fault. But you needed medical attention and moving was not the best option right now.

You stand up on shaky legs and soon as you’re fully up, your vision sways and the dizziness sends your knees buckling from underneath you. Before you could collapse though, Jimin was catching you and calling out for help to the other members. 

“You’re so stubborn,” Jimin whispers while clearing your sweaty forehead of your sticking hairs. Tears cause your vision to blur more and Jimin is surprised to see you crying. “Hey, hey don’t cry, you’ll be alright, okay? I’m right here with you.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper and Jimin frowns at your words. “I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you and not giving you the chance to apologize-”

“Y/N stop,” Jimin hushes you with his fingers running through your hair. “I’m sorry for calling you annoying. I don’t think there is anyone who loves and cares for me as much as you do and I love you so much. I’m sorry that I was being an asshole and that I was inconsiderate of your feelings,” Jimin apologizes with his own eyes glossing over.

The door is opening once again before you can tell him you forgive him. Namjoon rushes to get a medical examiner when noticing the state you’re in/ You refuse to leave Jimin’s hold as the medical examiner goes over some procedures and declares you having a mild concussion.

But nothing seemed to matter to you anyways because all the mattered was Park Jimin and you knew things were back to being okay. Even if you couldn’t work for a couple of weeks.

#jimin fluff #jimin angst #bts fluff #bts scenarios #bts drabbles #bts imagines #bts headcanons #jimin scenario #jimin imagine #idk what this is im sorry pls forgive me

[simptasia]

neurodivergence in abc’s lost

i’m gonna be listing off and talking about the canon neurodivergent characters in lost. i won’t be adding characters that i personally headcanon as neurodivergent in some way, what i’m writing here is elaboration upon what has been given to me by the show. please note that none of these people’s conditions or disorders were named in the show, so such diagnoses being named here are me taking that extra step based upon their symptoms

first of all i wanna point out that based on what i’ve seen the show, that the island’s healing powers applies to conditions inflicted upon the mind, not ones inherent to the mind. thats why daniel’s brain damage heals, but people like hurley and locke will always continue to have depression

hugo “hurley” reyes

schizophrenia and depression

our most prominently featured mentally ill character. it might seem bold to label him with schizophrenia when it’s never said that that’s what he has. but during his time on lost, he displays many of the symptoms: paranoia, pathological self loathing, delusions and hallucinations. now, it’s a fictionalized depiction of schizophrenia and that’s probably not even what the writers had in mind but it’s none the less a really, really good and respectful portrayal of it

it would take too long to list off all the times when hurley displays paranoia (heck, it’s easy not to notice how much its a part of his character) and self loathing. delusions? the situations regarding the numbers and his bad luck (canon never ever Proves what hurley believes to be true regarding that stuff)

they did an episode dedicated to hurley having hallucinations. a man named dave who drives him to self destructive behaviour, self hatred and attempted suicide. fun fact: when people with schizophrenia in real life have hallucinations, they tend towards just auditory. hurley gets visual as well as per Rule Of Drama. this is not a bad thing, just a narrative tool

(steering slightly into headcanon for a bit here but i personally ignore the dharma made Hurley Bird they revealed in the epilogue and just take hurley hearing that bird say his name as an auditory hallucination. for two reasons: one, hurley hearing/seeing things that don’t exist is already consistent with his mental state. and two, that bird literally, genuinely did not fucking say hurley)

extra notes

to be clear, in case there's confusion, hurley really does have magical powers. he can talk to dead people. that isn’t a delusion or hallucination. you can understand how confusing and distressing this must be for hurley

he's had a compulsive eating disorder since he was ten due to the pain of his father abandoning him. his struggle with this is well documented

at several points during the show he’s shown to have trouble spelling. he especially confuses his “y(s)” and “ies”. it’s not clear if this is due to poor education or a learning issue. or both, really. it’s safe to assume with him being poor, mexican and mentally ill, that school wasn’t easy for hurley

hurley has unjustifiably lived at mental health institutions on at least two occasions (the first time was against his will, second was volunteer)

john locke

depression

locke suffers from severe self esteem issues, and i know most lost characters do, but i mean to the point of irrational and destructive behaviour. he has an obsession with being deemed special in order to justify his existence. he also suffers jarring mood swings. (he can switch from calm and jovial to angry and defensive at the drop of a hat). when he was wheelchair bound, this threw him into a depression. when he failed to convince anybody to come back to the island, he attempted suicide. he would have gone thru with it too. he will go to extremes to make sure things stay the way he wants them to (killing an innocent woman so they can stay on the island, tying up and drugging boone so he won’t tell anybody about the hatch), and will fall into despair if he fails

also note that the things im saying about locke are not a comment on people with depression. i don’t think all depressed people kill and drug people. those were statements on locke’s character that i believe are a part of his mental state. my point is: he’s emotionally unstable and he tried to kill himself. and i think his extreme need for validation (from people and the universe in general) is especially concerning

to me, this all says to me that locke has clinical depression

locke isn’t as easy as the other people on this list to classify as Canon Neurodivergent but at least to me, i think it’s very obvious. like i feel bad being so vague but like, basically, watch any locke episode

daniel faraday

acquired brain damage, severe memory degradation as well as other neurodivergent behaviours (i’ll go into it)

he’s played by jeremy davies. enough said

okay, jokes aside. at some point in the past daniel and his assistant theresa were involved in some vaguely referred to time based experiments. while she was catatonicized, the accident left daniel severely brain damaged (also daniel spent years doing radioactive experiments without head protection, which would not have helped and indeed that is foreshadowing of this whole debacle)

apparently this left him in a state where he can no longer take care of himself, having been assigned a carer. his most outstanding symptom is that his ability to process short AND long term memory has been impaired

short term: he’s shown to have issues retaining memories from day to day. he wasn’t sure if he had met charles widmore already (he hadn’t). charles lays some exposition on him and when daniel asks why he’s telling him this, charles says, with sureness, that “because by tomorrow you won’t remember this”. counting on that to be an absolute fact seems silly to me but that does seem to the case. again, Rule Of Drama is in play here

long term: he can no longer access memories he formed many years ago, famously the memories he formed with desmond in 1996. all in all, this condition is highly plot convenient. can’t argue with results, really

no, i can keep going, i got more, this is daniel fucking faraday we’re talking about: his ability to remember 3 playing cards has been impaired (note that this is a skill most 4 year olds master), he forgot the secret code the science team were all taught and when he introduces himself to jack there is a long pause, in hindsight implying that daniel forgot his own name

like real life memory conditions, theres varying level to how much he does and doesn’t remember. he’s thankfully not in a 50 first dates situation and doesn’t forget everything day to day. clearly he remembers people if they’re around enough, like during his time on the boat. charlotte, miles, frank, naomi...

upon landing on the island, his memory slowly gets better (considering his condition beforehand, the fact that nobody comments on this is staggering)

when dan is fully healed? i could not say, i could theorize, but such things are nebulous. but still, the times we see dan without his brain damage, he still behaves like a neurodivergent person. just not like he was when he was brain damaged. he stims near constantly, has a tendency to repeat names and words (echolalia) and it’s shown that dan compulsively counts in his head. he counted up to 864 beats, if i remember correctly, which is about 10 minutes of counting in his head. by no stretch of the imagination is that neurotypical behaviour

(im not trying to sound defensive. and i don’t think anybody, anywhere, is arguing that daniel faraday is a neurotypical. unfathomable)

going into headcanon territory again, his ND traits, when not brain damaged, say to me that he’s autistic and/or has OCD and possibly anxiety. thats all theorizing on my part tho. but the fact of the matter is, damage or no, he’s neurodivergent

notes

his apparent need for tactile sensory input is legendary in the lost fandom. in layman’s terms: him pet pet. not just people but objects too. humans, overall, tend to touch things to process input better. many ND people do it more, and it seems daniel is a case of that (i am not making a solid statement on jeremy davies’ neuro state. that’s his business)

he shows an inability to properly process grief

he also shows shocking indifference to his own safety, resulting in reckless behaviour. how much of this is a result of his mental state or his upbringing is up for debate. i think it’s a combo of both

without his brain damage, he appears to have an eidetic memory

danielle rousseau

trauma induced mental illness

pretty self explanatory. the loss of her expedition, husband and daughter, as well as 16 years of loneliness (on THIS island) has resulted in emotional instability for danielle. she’s prone to paranoia, trust issues, irrational behaviour

she’s just not well. she’s right most of the time but she’s not well

libby smith

indeterminate mental state 

libby was institutionalized (the same place hurley was sent to) and placed on medication (which seemed like sedatives to me, based on her expressions). in the show it’s not what clear what put her there, but having just done some research, i’ve discovered that Word Of God says that libby became mentally unstable after the death of her husband dave smith. so this is probably another case of trauma induced mental illness. she must have had a pretty extreme episode to cause her to be sent to a place like that. something to think about

but alas, it’s libby, so not much info. moving on

benjamin linus

anti social behaviour disorder (is my best guess)

oof. depictions of mental illness with characters who are immoral are depictions of mental illness nonetheless. i feel almost silly saying this but: ben is not... okay

ben displays issues (at best) with empathy, compassion and morality. how much he cares about other people is highly debatable but one thing that's certain is that he does genuinely love his daughter. everybody else is ????

but the loving alex thing rules out him being a sociopath or having narcissistic personality disorder. and it is genuine because when he loses it with grief, it’s not a performance, because the only audience is us...

he’s a compulsive liar, lying even when it doesn’t benefit him. lying just because. ben is highly unpredictable, which isn’t inherently a neurodivergent thing, but when a person goes from a calm discussion to strangling somebody, all roads point to Uh Oh (i don’t know the technical terms for Uh Oh). many of his outward emotions are performed (the difference between his fake smiles and few real smiles is noticeable). he’s manipulative, he treats people like objects for his benefit/plans, he’s self absorbed, he has zero issues with murder unless it’s a child. he does have some moral standards. but overall, uh, [just gestures at ben]

also ben is repeatedly offended when other people don’t trust him, which is HILARIOUS, but also shows a cognitive dissonance on his part

hmm i need more here, im gonna break out the big guns

that’s some basic info there and doesn’t that line up with ben?

the article goes on to say that people with this can put on superficial charm. that is, behave friendly and “normal” when they have to. which ben is shown to be able to do

and this

“Serious problems with interpersonal relationships are often seen in those with the disorder. Attachments and emotional bonds are weak, and interpersonal relationships often revolve around the manipulation, exploitation, and abuse of others.”

reminds me of his situation with juliet. and locke. and his “friendships” in general

i snipped the wikipedia article for this because unlike the rest i felt,,, underequipped to talk about this sort of thing

ben being mentally unwell is clear enough in canon and i think this disorder is what lines up best with it. please note that ben is capable of change and growth (like people in real life who have such issues) and like the show i’m not gonna paint him 100% evil or irredeemable. i’m just saying what’s true

notes

ben says at one point that he doesn’t dream anymore. it’s highly probably that this is a lie, but if it isn’t, well that's not good. it’d mean his brain isn’t entering into REM sleep properly, which can lead to emotional problems

ben doesn’t blink as much as most people do, something michael emerson did on purpose. this can apply to some neurodivergent people

it’s shown that he was quite nonverbal as a kid. in the flashbacks in “man behind the curtain” little ben barely speaks

honourable mentions

pretty much all the survivors suffer from PTSD due the trauma of the crash

a great deal of the characters suffer from PTSD from trauma in general due to their awful lifes. like, abusive parents, war, loss of loved ones, etc

and i must note that ben, daniel and locke suffering from parental abuse, ranging from emotional to physical, is something to factor into their cases

claire, similar to danielle, also suffered trauma induced mental illness due to the loss of her baby and feeling like she was abandoned

sayid is depicted as dead inside during season 6 due to The Sickness, so thats like a magical form of depression. and one could argue that he already had regular depression beforehand

boone joked about shannon having bulimia. (whether or not it’s true, boone is an asshole) if it’s true, shannon has an eating disorder, which is considered a form of mental illness. espech one so self image based

self harm

self harm is not an inherent part of mental illness but such concepts are often linked so i felt i should mention some of these, it’ll be quick

hurley’s aforementioned eating disorder

charlie takes heroin as a form of self harm (that isn’t a theory on my part, it’s clear as day that charlie started taking it because his sense of self worth was so low that the drugs felt like the only option)

locke, hurley, (both as mentioned above), jack, desmond, michael and richard have all attempted/nearly commited suicide

so what can we conclude from this? well that's up to you, really. that i love lost a fuck ton? that the actors and writing in lost is amazing? that all the neurodivergent based depth got saved for the boys? yeah

but i wanna conclude with this: a part of what makes lost really special to me is that these people i’ve talked out here? they’ve suffered, and oh boy it was tasty suffering, but all of them, yes even libby, were more than suffering

these people have nuance. one way or another, these people (to varying degrees) were happy at times. silly. funny. angry. opinionated. they loved. they were loved. they lived and breathed as human beings. that means a lot to me

lost is a story of broken people given a second chance. take that as you will

thank you for your time

#lost #charthann #missinglost #(i don't wanna lose this so i tagged you guys) #i've made a list like this before but i wanna go into detail #and before i knew it i made an incredible essay #lost headcanons #most of this is based on canon but as i said there is extrapolation at play #and i mention some headcanons along the way when i felt it was needed #gosh this became a whole Thing #i hope y'all enjoy it! #and this isn't counting ppl i headcanon as ND #like jack being autistic or charlie having HPD #i could go into that too

[welcometothenightcourt]

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. when is it ok to say I’m a system and how do I know which disorder I have?…I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. I also feel like often I’m possibly co con ?? bc I’ll feel unlike “me”/the body yet say “I have to be (body name) who else could I be)… plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly Rn

Okay, first things first bud: slow down. Take a breath, and remember that there is absolutely no rush to come to these conclusions. Not about your system status, not about your gender, not about any of this stuff.

Next: As long as you’ve done your research, and taken time to really look at yourself and did/osdd/udd, and you feel like your experiences align with them, then it’s okay to self dx it.

As for the amnesia, yes. Amnesia is most commonly thought about as a complete black out, Idk what the hell happened at all kind of amnesia, but that’s not the only or even the most common type of amnesia. While black outs happen for some, grey outs (sort of remembering, but also not really, maybe like remembering big events but not any details of the event) or emotional amnesia (remembering something sort of but also feeling very emotionally disconnected) are far more common.

It’s important to remember that no ones experiences in system life are exactly the same way. Just because your experiences aren’t exactly the same as those you see doesn’t disqualify you from having the disorder at all. For every system you see out here having organisation and lists and blogs and whatnot there are three to five more you don’t see because their systems aren’t so comfortable with that or known or communicative or overt enough.

On a personal note, it took five years for us since we started questioning and noticing things to even accept and conclude that we were a system, and three years since that to get to the communication level that we have. Also, remember that here on Tumblr and on places like TikTok and whatnot, we get to choose how we present ourselves, what we do and do not share. We tailor how others see us. And most of the time for yalls viewing pleasure, we keep our dark shit off of this page. Our serious struggles and trauma and bad shit that comes with DID goes to our private vent page. What you see on social media is not ever going to be a 100% perspective of a disorder and all of the ways it manifests.

That being said, if you feel like you don’t quite fit the criteria for DID or OSDD, there is another diagnoses called UDD which can include those with systems. Please read this post for more on self dx, the criteria for DID, OSSD, and UDD, and related. (It’s also pinned in our pinned post, so you may or may not have read it already)

Lastly, the fact that you don’t feel comfortable talking to your Mental Health Professional about mental health is very concerning. I strongly recommend you get a new MHP asap with whom you can discuss these things if at all possible.

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions or if I missed something you wanted a direct response to, don’t hesitate to ask. Always happy to answer to the best of my ability

#did #actuallydid #asks #ask #system #long ask #osdd

[crimeronan]

that last post i reblogged made me reminisce about the times i actually Have become the subject of ppls ire and it’s kind of. amazing. putting under a read more so as not to subject people to Wank but. if u wanna know what 8 years of blogging has wrought on “i enjoy things in non-mainstream ways” Maximum Aggro and “i’ve had several posts about autism and psychosis go viral” Extreme Difficulty

here are things ive gotten several anon hate and the occasional dedicated ongoing hateblogging campaign over

“diagnosing” characters with autism

a whole bunch of other autism-related stuff that is Unfortunately not fun so i will not detail it

shipping the raven cycle ot6

“wanting ronan and blue to have sex,” notable especially because the blogger who mounted the campaign somehow didnt notice id written at least 5 posts about ronan and blue as platonic metamours & talked at length about how ronans gay & specifically stated, repeatedly, that its important to me that their relationship is platonic and nonsexual

posting a humorous contextless snippet of an RP btwn me n my partner where ronan asserted that being monogamous would be miserable

(because it was part of my malicious campaign to oppress monogamous people and invalidate their relationships)

saying adam and ronan aren’t inherently made for each other and had to work for their relationship

saying gansey is actually capable of having healthy relationships and that i even think he has some in the actual canon text

saying gansey is a good friend

(you will think this is facetious but this was honest to god an intense point of controversy and hatemail. the context is people were already mad about [pick anything on this list] and padded their manifestos with my gansey positivity)

(but it’s So funny to imagine a horde of people just blacking out in red-misted rage upon seeing the words “gansey good”..... a concept that causes enough wrath to fuel death threats violence bait and graphic content submissions...... let’s please imagine that’s what happened)

having polyamorous homestuck ships

especially ones where m/m couples were still together and just as committed and passionate and in love..... but also dating a woman too

saying zuko can be interpreted as autistic

problematic because it’s impossible for autism and trauma-related emotional issues to exist in one person

(the joke is i was writing abt him bein me. an autistic person with trauma feelings)

(this isn’t even the autism stuff that was Unfun this is amazing autism stuff)

writing about psychotic characters who have a fairly adjusted humorous grip on reality

bc it delegitimized the Seriousness of Psychosis

and could Reinforce The Delusions Of Actual Psychotic People

especially notable due to me tagging the posts in question with “i’m psychotic”

because. they were humorous posts about how i’d like to see my day-to-day life represented. because i’m an actual psychotic people

im sure other things have happened im forgetting but these are the biggest highlights that come to mind

(not included: things that only got me sent one hate message from a clear troll. too many of those to try to remember)

then the things i EXPECT to be attacked for (enjoying fictional violence, writing messy unhealthy relationships, prioritizing platonic mlm/wlw relationships over canon gays, wanting my faves to commit murder, etc) have like..... yet to cause an issue for me

(this is not an invitation to cause an issue for me.)

#not for reblogging djskhd #this is basically just a list of ppl comin after my bipolar psychotic autistic survivor ass for #writing autistic bipolar psychotic and survivor characters in ways that weren’t Mainstream Enough #anyway the thing is ultimately once youve been thru all of This Nonsense u reach a point of like. tru zero fucks given #my ability to judge between legit worthwhile crits of my work n hateful circlejerking... would never have gotten so polished w/o this blog

[fcarher]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: slug / ellie     Age: 19       Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: Yunaeisha Adynora, other demons from my lore Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Yunaeisha Current Fandom(s): None really  Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  Naruto, PKMN, Magi, Gangsta, OPM, MHA, Hazbin Hotel & currently working on an ATLA verse My language(s): german, polish, italian, english   Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: highschool, modern & fantasy/medieval

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: the best way is just to straight up approach me. most often than not, just liking a post is not enough because it’s too vague ?? like if i post an idea & you like that, i’ll still be hesitant when it comes to roleplaying or approaching you because, while i appreciate such gestures, i’m just too anxious. therefore, plopping into my IMs without a properly fleshed out idea is also fine ! it, at least, gives me the hint that you’re actively seeking interaction. however, just saying “i want to roleplay & plot !” won’t cut it; at least, have something in mind, please !

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  basic ideas & pouring their heart into plotting! i don’t mind waiting, at all, so if you’re busy, don’t worry about keeping me waiting; i completely understand since i’m also often busy with work or university. but !! please don’t only come to me with the statement: “i want to plot!” it’s not gonna cut it & it’s not gonna help with a proper interaction, at all. if i approach someone, most often than not, i have SOME sort of idea in mind. but yeah, being passionate is the most important thing!

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  most often than not, the conversation will die down because i will loose motivation; i don’t like it because i’ll feel like a bother & i shouldn’t feel that way when it comes to a hobby! therefore, one-sided plotting is one of my deal breakers; i usually end the conversation & there will be little to no interaction happening. like i said; i don’t mind waiting, i just hate that feeling of coming on TOO strong when my plotting partner delivers no input. 

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  often than not, i start off with rather simple question like; are you interested in a certain verse ? do you already have something in mind ? if not, i will go through their about page & ask them things about their character & how that could possibly bring our characters to interact. sometimes, the about pages of a muse cannot give you every single bit of information; muses grow & change with each thread, therefore, it’s often better to just ask the people about their characters ! & from then on, it often just comes naturally. 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if the thread is not THAT important or vital for our character’s relationship; i don’t mind & won’t need to know if the thread is dropped. sometimes, if it’s a heavily plotted thread & i’ve anticipated the interaction a lot; i’d appreciate a quick heads-up from my partner that they’re not feeling that certain thread any longer; i don’t mind that !! - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: they don’t need to tell me; SOMETIMES, it’s just a nice gesture but most of the time, i don’t care, we can always start another thread !!

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  many things can lead to me dropping a thread; just losing motivation, having no muse for a certain genre or simply having the feeling that my partner is not liking it, any longer (ex. extreme lack of trying to match the reply length ). my health & my schedule can also, sadly, affect my motivation, so, more often than not, i tend to drop shorter threads & keep longer ones.  - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  i get anxious really fast if people stop replying for a very long time, out of the blue. it has happened to me once before with a good friend with whom i have no contact with any longer due to miscommunication & them not trying to communicate the issue with me; therefore, yes, it is very important. i wanna know if something is bothering you; i wanna know if you like something very much; i wanna know what’s up ! we’re humans & we’re adults; we can talk about this.  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  yes ! as long as it is constructive criticism & not straight-up bashing my characters or lore; i’m all for it. i don’t mind hearing negative things; in fact, i appreciate the honesty & it gives me room to work on myself & my writing ! - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  building relationships that LAST & exploring my muses through & through; it is amazing how much yuna has grown through interactions with others; how different she has become from the yuna i once started out with; it’s almost been a year now & it’s just amazing. however, i’m not stopping anytime soon; THERE IS SO MUCH MORE I WANT TO EXPLORE !! the ultimate goal is for me to just look at my blog & be completely proud of what i have accomplished & written; i want fleshed out relationships & threads; deep stuff !!

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  yuna talking with someone about her struggles; mentally & physically. being open about her abusive father & how it has traumatized her & painted men in the worst picture one could imagine. HOWEVER; a hard thing because i don’t want these things to be pre-est or something; i want a thread where there is struggling, screams, conflict ! it is rather hard to find someone, though, who is willing & fitting to go onto that long journey with me & yuna. also, i’d love to write about darker stuff; i love fluff, though, sometimes i sure want a bit of that, too. 

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  the only things i won’t rp or explore are stated in my rules; ex. pedophilia, rape & really descriptive animal abuse. killing, torture, gore as well as cheating, heartbreak or toxic relationships are okay, while i do prefer to have a deeper bond with someone while exploring the latter & be communicating the whole time; i think these are really REAL topics & that’s why i wouldn’t mind exploring them because it does happen, more than one would like them to happen. however, if i see you, the mun, glorifying or romanticizing these; just no. 

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: i like everything with some sort of substance; i love short ones as much as long ones, nevertheless, you have to give me something to work with. yuna would ignore anyone not of any interest or value to her; therefore, if your muse just asks her random questions, the interaction will go nowhere. if you’re unsure; just ask !!

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: i love characters with uniqueness to them; it can be a certain interest, certain appearance or their species can be totally unique to them; i’ll love it ! i do have a thing for villains, though; always had, even when i was young 8^) so, dark, stubborn & “evil” characters catch my interest far more than a really nice muse who just is all smiles all day. i love a muse that can kick mine & yuna’s ass, basically. someone with strong morals or who is just really set on their beliefs can also offer conflict which i ADORE !! i need it; i live for it !!

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  really kind & unbothered muses who are self-sacrificing, perfect & loved by everyone for no reason ?? idk, i just think it’s bad writing. everyone has flaws; no one is perfect ! 

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  i am a very open person who will talk with you about anything & is keen on exploring our character’s relationship at all times & through all means; i often send my rp partners prompts in form of my yuna just being her dumb-self or through memes ! i will constantly think about our characters & will try to have them interact as much as possible. i am, most of the time, very active & respond to the threads fairly quickly ! if i am totally invested; you’ll get everything you want; a moodboard, an edit, a drawing, etc. i literally pour my heart & soul into every bond my muse has; i live for them. oh !! i also love asking people question about their characters; i just love learning new things about them !! 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: i’m very slow out of character; i don’t approach muns a lot because i’m scared to be a bother, working on it ! i often ramble a lot & my writing can become a bit convoluted & hard to understand, i apologize ! i tend to not message people on discord as often as i’d like to; mostly because i’m really socially awkward or just don’t think that what i want to show to them is THAT important. i’m not as straight-forward as i wish myself to be; however, even with all that; i still have a lot of fun & am acknowledging & actively working on my weak aspects ! 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  often, it is because i want to develop the relationship or yuna’s character; she’s a very sexual being who hardly connects to someone emotionally; therefore, writing sex & exploring the vulnerability behind it can be really beautiful ! though, fun is also involved !  - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  non-consensual stuff is a no-go ! also, certain kinks that make me uncomfortable are also off the table; ex. anything involving bodily fluids other than spit. 

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  i love the conflicts the most; clashing ideals or just two stubborn muses arguing for the heck of it is really fun & can develop the relationship beautifully ! yuna is a person who likes someone that can be properly fought with, verbally here. but of course, i also adore the very soft moments!! i love meaningless fluff; it warms my heart.  - What is your smut tag?: SINFUL.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: nothing TOO drastic; a friendship, a rivalry is a-okay ! however, i’m very hesitant when it comes to having pre-est. romantic relationships; though, you can quickly change my mind if you pour your soul into the plotting; then i’m fine with it ! everything that needs time when writing also needs time when plotting; don’t just straight up jump into something if you’re not able to give it your all.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  i think yuna is a person with whom it is easy to form relationships with; it takes a bit of time but due to her rather drastic ideals & opinions; anything can be founded within seconds. she doesn’t hold back when it comes to her honesty & conflicts will arise. also, for all muses with demonic or deity backgrounds; being a daughter of the literal queen of hell, though, also harboring fragments of a god’s soul makes her unique in the supernatural world which can spark interest with your character or even they can develop an ill-will towards her ? i think it’s really interesting exploring what makes one work & go on & yuna has the philosophical potential to tickle that out of your muse; she question EVERYTHING. now for certain plots; one-sided love or even friendships are always really interesting, especially when she is the one having such feelings. other than that; she has enormous & dangerous powers; so if you’re into character or world-building; can offer that as well !

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:  humans; she doesn’t approach humans who are just kind & have nothing to offer for her, the least she’d do is have sex with them or kill them to harvest their life energy. i’m sorry but she really does hate all of humanity & to change that opinion ? man, you must be the most stubborn person ever.  - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  characters who are of supernatural or demonic nature; she’ll be very interested & even nosy to a point. also, very attractive characters who are not afraid to speak their mind; she’s really superficial most of the time & will flirt with anything that she deems good-looking. muses who have ideals that contrast hers or that are similar to her but also, generally, people who are open-minded. 

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  sex, parties, plants & flowers, astronomy, writing, demons & hell, the underground scene, killing, knives & playing the piano - What do they desire, is their goal?:  the questions that bother her the most are; why did her mother had to die ? why would nobody help her while she was being abused by her father ? why was she kept alive by her sisters ? is there love out there for someone like her ? what do these strange visions mean that occur almost every night ? she has a lot of things she wants to experience & wishes to have a normal life once she has killed her other mother, lilith, which is her ultimate goal, at the moment.  - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  their appearance; the scent of their blood & if it differs from humans; how they react towards her & what they do in front of her.  - What do they value in a person?:    strong opinions, loyalty, good looks, humor, strength (not limited to physical strength) - What themes do they like talking about?:  herself or the world & the state of it; she likes being philosophical with some, can often be somewhat self-centered; THOUGH; it is almost always for her to see how they would react to that. 

- Which themes bore them?:  love & drama; she does not care a lot for gossip or anything relating to it; the topic of love, no matter in which sense, is always brushed off because she just doesn’t find any appeal in it. 

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  Being the reason her own mother committed suicide; Her father & sister abusing her all her life, spouting lies & beating her until she could stand no more while her other sisters would watch & do nothing, even though, they were supposed to support each other; laewa, one of her sisters, fancying the idea of killing yuna for the greater good; two of her best friends turning on her when they find out she’s not human & then being killed right in front of her eyes; her one & only boyfriend protecting her from a demon hunter & being killed in the process - What could possibly trigger them?:  loud sudden noises; making fun of her attachment to her late ex-boyfriend, being awfully nice to her, the sight of any dog or wolf, tender touches (esp. her back being touched), being alone with her thoughts for far too long  - What could set them off, enrage them?:  people who make fun of her & her powers; calling her a monster; not understanding her pain when she opens up; purposefully touching her back or any other scarred skin, being nosy  - What could lead to an instant kill?:  you are a demon hunter that does not show remorse when killing demons with a consciousness, trying to kill her, killing one of her comrades 

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  Keela Adynora, Myra Adynora (Father, Sister), the other D.O.L.s, EYES’ superiors (the organization she works for), Humans, Lilith - Is there someone /-thing they love?:  Evelin Adynora (Her biological mother)

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: If you’re not quite human or are a demon, you could literally stand next to her & be silent; she’ll become curious on her own. other than that; be interesting or flirt with her; just do something that does not involve small talk; she hates that.  - Where are they usually to find?:  strip club (her workplace), bars, clubs, clearings within a forest, nice areas that are full of trees & plants; a roof-top

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  Yuna is basically pandora’s box personified; she may seem nice & attractive from the outside but within her are sleeping demons that only wait to be awakened. & withal, she is still a cutie who will become your number one supporter & protector if you manage to build a proper relationship with. it’s hard to get through that shell & what awaits is NOT that pretty but with years upon years of abuse, neglect & shit being thrown her way; it’s not easy being a carefree immortal. 

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @skyvar , i srsly love these so much, snow !! thank you for tagging me <3 i had so much fun 8′)  Tagging:  @thevvolf ; @nezumi-vc-103221 ; @empiia ; @dvojakyvlk ; @childrenxfthemoon ; @hensetsu​​ ; @goldempire​​ ; @animatedatrophy​ ; @talonness​ ; @shikkotsunin​ ; @wcrthlessanimal​ & anyone else !! 

#˗ ˋ † ᴏᴏᴄ ﹕ slug arrived ! #˗ ˋ † ᴅᴏꜱꜱɪᴇʀ ﹕ the things that were left in this life i call mine ! #( ajsjas u dont have to do this ofc !! bUT IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN!! ) #( also thanks again now !! i really liked this one 8) <3 )

[hanabiira]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Bunny   AGE: 26      CONTACT: IM & Discord

CHARACTER(S): OCs, and technically Kensei but I have neglected him as of late. 

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach 

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  None that I’ve actually written yet but I have an Avatar LOK AU for Miki.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, no other languages I can fluently write in. I can read hiragana and katakana and very basic elementary kanji. 

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sports / Music / Science / Fight / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc.

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS (for OOC questions only) / PERSONALS (for OOC questions only) / ANONS. (for OOC/IC questions)

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES (please do!) / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: crack / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS (if I know the fandom) / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING:  Tumblr IM or if you know me, discord. Once you have my discord there’s no reason to IM me really. I’m more likely to notice a message from discord than tumblr since I have discord on my phone and laptop. 

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: I mean, if we’re actively plotting something I at least expect some back and forth?? But if it’s just general spewing of shit about stuff our characters might do I don’t necessarily expect it to become a thread or anything. Sometimes I just like to scream and think about stuff with other people lmao.I don’t even really expect plotting all the time, unless you have a really good idea then I’m all for it!! totally!! I love a good plotted thread but I am also cool just going with the punches. 

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: If the person doesn’t seem into it I’ll probably just drop it? I’m not going to pressure anyone into any sort of rp they’re not vibing with, it’s fine. 

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I love that this meme assumes I plot a lot lmfao. Uhh...I find it quite difficult to come up with a lot of different active scenarios or stories but I do frequently like to discuss what ifs between my characters and whoever I’m talking to and that often can evolve into an idea for a thread which I am all for taking places. I wouldn’t necessarily call it plotting because it doesn’t always have to turn into something, but its just fun little banter about our characters and their reactions. If I am trying to buckle down and plot I will do my best to contribute to whatever we’re trying to plan? 

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I won’t be mad, just be like ‘hey can we drop this?’ and I’ll be like “cool”. I get that sometimes you just can’t find the words to reply to something and that’s ok. But just let me know so I’m not sitting there waiting for a reply I’m never going to get. 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?:  Either an natural ending of the thread or I just....can’t think of any juice to keep it going and get stuck behind a wall. I am MORE than happy to start something fresh and new when threads are ended or dropped! 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: I think a lot of misunderstanding stems from a lack of communication. Do I talk OOC with ALL the people I rp with? No, but If I have concerns or questions about a thread or something we’re doing I am 100% going to talk to them about it to make sure nothing gets misconstrued. I get people get anxious but like...if you have the balls to write a character on the internet with a stranger you can send them an IM if you have a questions/concerns. None of us are mind readers, so don’t leave your partner in the dark about your thoughts and feelings. Obviously if they are writing with you they don’t hate you. 90% of us don’t bite and are just lame nerds behind a computer screen, so.... 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I mean, I’m not going to LOVE hearing something negative but if its a valid point or concern I’m absolutely going to listen to it and try to rectify it? Problem is a lot of people thinly spew hate or baseless negativity and then thinly veil it as “criticism” that stems their personal feelings about a character than it really is anything constructive, which is a no go for me.  Will I 100% always agree with how everyone else plays their characters? No, but if its not hurting anyone and they’re having fun I’m not going to say anything to them. I 100% welcome constructive criticism or tough questions! It’s one way to improve. 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: My goal is really just to have fun and enjoy myself. The longer I am here the less I am worried about doing big deep threads or having amazing fancy graphics for that RPC clout. I’m here to have fun with my friends and play my OC that I love. Again, I don’t profess myself to be much of a writer so I’m not technically here to really further and deepen my writing skills. That sounds bad, I don’t mean to say I am adverse to improvement and I am always looking for ways or feedback that could make my storytelling better, but it is not my main goal or reason for why I rp, if that makes sense. Telling a narrative has always been something that’s been difficult for me (I HATED having to write stories in school and avoided creative writing like the plague) but I really welcome ways that could help me be better, because it hasn’t always been something natural to me. 

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  I YEARN for a good thread with a Shunsui about Miki taking over the 8th division and how she changes it since his time there. She really worries about still holding onto his legacy while also making a name for herself and differentiating herself from him and how he ran things and would really want his feedback and approval. I would also really love if there were some characters that really took an interest in the kinds of stuff she does with the things she grows in her garden and greenhouse. It is more than just “ooh, look at the pretty flowers” and it is not really something I’ve gotten to explore despite my time here. 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Anything gross. Rape/noncon/underage/furry or weird extreme fetish shit. I 100% do not vibe with racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. I do not mind some darker themes but I don’t really have any interest on writing any threads where Miki is deeply deeply hurt or tortured or anything like that, which kind of falls under the gore category. Will I write her injured and do I welcome some kinds of sparring/fighting threads? Yes. But I won’t subject her to gross violence and having the shit being beat out of her. Miki is not infallible but I don’t want to write it. 

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?:  Starters that are too open ended, start with a general with a question and/or little scenario building. You know like the “why are you here”, “what are you doing”, “who are you” sorts of starters. They’re boring and I will most likely run out of ways to keep going with them. Set a scene for me and I will have a much easier time! 

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  That’s a good question...Miki tends to like friendly people (obviously) but also gets a kick out of interacting with cold or difficult to talk to characters (think Soi fon, Kensei, Byakuya etc) because she sees it as something of a challenge. She wants to see if she can befriend them. I also like characters that have an interesting theme or shitck . 

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that are not really in her age group (think the karakura kids). I have the most difficult time thinking about how they might even interact in a way that is not on the most superficial level. Also characters that I can’t realistically see her meeting or running into. 

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am pretty easy to reach OOC, and once I’m in I’m in. I love talking about our characters interactions and will spam you with asks and shit if that’s what you want. I will talk all day about our characters if you let me. I will send you stupid memes. Even if I am not posting on tumblr I’m easily reached through discord. And Idk my oc is good??? maybe??? 

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I would say I’m inconsistent? I know its covid times right now but I do work a full time job that takes a lot of my time and energy usually and I absolutely can’t write when I’m mentally exhausted. It won’t happen. So there may be times where you just won’t see any posting from me and it may take a long time for me to answer a thread or ask. As much as I also don’t like to label myself this way...I guess I technically do suffer from chronic pain (I have a hip malformation), and sitting is one of the things that really can exacerbate my hip and back pain meaning sometimes I just can’t tolerate sitting at my desk for very long or even sitting up in my bed which really prevents me from writing sometimes even when I want to. I wish mobile draft writing was better lol 

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Too much smut is boring, obviously, and I’m not really a fan of smut really just for the sake of smut and threads like that tend to die for me.  And I also don’t rp smut with just anyone, there has to be an established relationship between the characters. But if it flows with the story and it makes sense for the scenario then yeah, I’m down for a good smut thread. 

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: I’m pretty vanilla and I didn’t really give Miki anything that’s really nonstandard. I’m not going to shame anyone for what they’re into or their characters but there’s just kinks I couldn’t convincing write, would be ooc, or I just would be too embarrassed. So far I have not run into anything weird though. 

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES?? / NO. Though I mean ship not in a strictly romantic ship sense. I value all ships as in friendships and other relationships, mentor mentee, etc. and it really helps drive story for both characters I think. Miki CRAVES FRIENDSHIPS!! SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND!! LET HER!! Even negative relationships have value.  

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF (ooc stuff).

ARE YOU:  Multi-ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - As long as its discussed before hand or is easily implied (say like, an 8th lieutenant). 

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?:  Miki is unique, I’d like to think. She is a blend of soft and gentle, but also stubborn, opinionated and desperate to prove that she shouldn’t be messed with. I basically wanted a character that just seemed like a living and breathing springtime breeze. I’m not saying necessarily that some of the tropes she holds are entirely unique to the series, but I think its the blend of all her aspects that make her different compared to other canon characters. Plus if you love that plant and flower aesthetique™ you have come to the right place. Plus she takes it further than just an aesthetic or a surface level “I like flowers” aspect of her personality. It runs so deep and she is so passionate about it in so many different ways. 

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Again, ones that I can’t find much of a commonality with so those who are not her age or are strictly human. Though it is not impossible to interact with humans, I prefer to develop her story within the scene of the Seireitei. Also characters that are super volatile and aggressive. 

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  Peace, accomplishment, happiness mostly. Miki wants to be recognized for her hard work as well as desires to form positive relationships with others. She wants the Gotei to feel less disjointed. 

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  The way they talk, their facial expressions, their eyes. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Kindness, determination, drive, sense of humor. 

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  Plants, flowers, flower arranging, gardening, poisonous plants and their potential affects and uses, tea, shitty jokes, food, general day to day gossip, handsome men (lol), books, kido and other shinigami arts, human world stuff. 

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Math, long convoluted talks about history, people who talk too much about themselves. 

- DID THEY EVER GO THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  The thousand year bloodwar. The death of a romantic partner. The death of her mother. 

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  It’s really hard to imagine a scenario where Miki would immediately go in for the kill zero questions asked with no context. Probably only if it’s someone known to be a threat, has done things that are terrible, and is likely to continue being a threat to others or is actively killing/about to kill someone else. 

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Birds. Hypocrites. Super self important people. 

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  Just roll up on her. She’s easily found in her barracks. 

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: uuuuuh she bean.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @bazzardburner technically but for quincy miki which I will also tweak and post there. 

#(.:✿:. Bunny Mumbles; ooc )

[descendantofthesparrow]

Part of your world – Harry Hook x Reader- Part 7- Savior part 2

a rewrite of @blackplaidcalum x reader that they wrote for me

summary: a who doesn’t love the Disney World, well, (y/n) especially loves descendants, and one day, as she dances in her kitchen getting ready to head out. 17-year-old (y/n) becomes part of that world, now a certain blue-eyed pirate meets the girl from a world where he is a fictional character and he has an actor named Thomas Doherty.

 warning: mention and the act of rape included in this part

 Key:

 h/c- hair color

 e/c- eye color

 h/l- hair length

 s/c- skin color

 y/n- your name

 your stuff

 --

Hook sat in his office admiring his new collection of rum, given to him by (insert bitchy name here), he didn’t have enough money to give the woman, but she was ecstatic to accept his son at payment, as many others did when Hook either didn’t have money or just didn’t feel like spending it.

So, Hook sat oblivious to the traumatic horror he was putting his only son through. Harriet and the daughter of the sea witch tried to put a stop to the basically prostitution of harry, but they failed, only resulting in Hook letting his crew give in to their desires of his son.

Smee walked in, wringing his red worn cap in his hands as he always did when he was nervous or scared. Hook raised an eyebrow and motioned for his first mate to take a seat and offered him some of his new rum. Smee shook his head, he didn’t want the rum acquired from Harry's misfortune. The poor boy, Smee only hoped that the (h/c) girl had saved the boy he thought of as a son.

“isn’t it a fine night Mr. Smee~”

Smee only meekly nodded, he didn’t think so, Harry was sold once more, and he didn’t even know if the girl had managed to save him or not.

“new rum and the boy has served his purpose once more HA!”

Smee gritted his teeth, only a degrading sentence away from quitting as the first mate and leaving.

“and to think I thought that the boy wouldn’t amount to anything~! He makes a damn good payment if I do-“

The cabin door slammed open, revealing a bleeding crew member, Hook and Smee stood to their feet, hearing the sounds of swords clashing and screams.

“what the bloody hell is going on!”

“c-captain!” the crew member panted “some-someone’s on deck kill- gnh ack” blood spilled to the floor, a sword sticking out of the man's chest, he fell to the floor. And there you were, blood splattered on your body and sword. Dripping to the floor.

“hello Hook” you spoke in a deadly voice, stepping over the body and shoving it out of the way, closing the cabin door.

“who-“ Hook sputtered “who the fuck are you! What are you doing on my ship!”

“I’m here” you snarled, “to have a talk”

Hook rolled his eyes, you were trying to scare him, it wasn’t working

“Alright then, speak wench”

You lifted your sword, aiming it at him, “you sold harry.”

Hook groaned and rubbed his face, great another one, just like Harriet and Uma, this bitch was trying to stop the selling of the boy.

“why do you care, he is nothing but a pay-“

“Harry is a fucking human being, and your son!” you snarled at him, now thinking that Hook didn’t deserve death, but something much worse.

“Alright then if you want me to stop, we shall duel” hook drew his sword in a flourish and grinned sadistically at you “to the death!” just as he was about to charge. You stopped him.

“no!” Hook stopped confused “to the pain”

He furrowed his brows “ I don’t think I’m familiar with that phrase”

“I'll explain, and I’ll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced Buffon.”

Hooks face showed surprise and disgust “I think that is the first time anyone dared insult me”

“and it won't be the last!” you smirked, speaking in a deadly calm voice “to the pain means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles, then your other hand at the wrist, next your nose”

“and then my tongue I suppose, I've allowed this to go on for too lon-“

“I wasn’t finished!” you interrupted him, smirking, still a calm deadly voice. “ the next thing you lose will be your left eye followed by your right”

Hook rolled his eyes sighing exasperatingly “and then my ears let’s get on with it!”

“Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why.” You smirk became sadistic and a shiver ran down hooks spine “so that every shriek of every child of seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish, every babe that weeps at your approach every woman who cries out “dear god what is that thing!” will echo in your ears.” Hook stared at you in fear “ that. Is what to the pain means, it means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.”

Hook and Smee stared at you before Hook stupidly opened his mouth to speak, “ I think you’re bluffing”

“its possible pig. I might be bluffing” you stared him down with a deadly calm gaze “ it's conceivable you miserable vomitous mass, im only standing here because you lack the courage to step forward”

Hooks face burned at the implication and rushed forward swinging his hook at you, and with a flourish of your sword, you cut off his forearm, Hook screaming in pain.

“AHHHHHH YOU BITC-“you pointed your sword at his neck.

“drop

Your

Sword”

Hook shakily dropped it and you motioned him to his chair “have a seat~” he quickly stood and sat in his chair. You motioned to Smee and said, “Tie him up.”  Smee quickly followed your orders and tied his soon to be ex-captain up.

“make it as tight as you’d like”

Smee finished and looked at you, you gestured to the door.” Now leave, go see Harry, he's on the revenge”

Smee nodded and whispered a thank you, before scurrying off.

You closed the door after him, turning back to hook, he shivered under your gaze, “what-“ he squeaked “what are you going to do!”

You smirked and raised your sword

“to the pain”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH”

---

Uma paced the deck, Smee had arrived about an hour ago, and you had left an hour and a half, and from what Smee told her, you had taken down almost the entire crew, leaving one survivor, the cabin boy, and had cut off hooks left forearm.

Uma had to admit, she was impressed. But also extremely worried, she knew of Harrys growing crush on you, which she had noticed started just a little bit after you had stolen the trophy, and if you didn’t come back, Uma didn’t want to think of what Harry would do.

But her worries were erased when you turned the corner and walked the gangplank. She rushed forward but stopped when she saw the blood coating you, Hooks hook gripped in your left hand, face softening when you saw Uma

“hey”

“uuhh” Uma droned “hey, soooo” she gestured to you “you have fun”

You shrugged and walked to the shared room, when you entered you saw Harry talking to Smee, wearing a baggy sweater and pants, blanket curled around his shoulders, sitting on the edge of the bed, he saw you and gasped your name

“(y/n)” you smiled at him and grabbed your clothes and walked into the bathroom, “I gotta get this blood off, be out soon”

Harry frowned and turned to Uma and Smee, “wha’ is she talking about’ ?” Uma shuffled in place, Smee wringing his cap.

“wha’ happen’ ? wha’ (y/n) do?”

“she uh” Smee mumbled, “she uh, your father is”

“she fucking messed your father up” Harry's jaw dropped, and he harshly swallowed and shakily asked “wha’ she do?”

Smee and Uma shrugged, Harry understood, they wanted (y/n) herself to tell Harry what happened.

Smee patted Harry's shoulder and exited the room, Uma following him. Harry sat in the room, the sound of the shower echoing through the room.

‘she’ Harry thought ‘went after my dad?’ Harry buried his face in his hands ‘for me’ tears burned at Harrys eyes ‘why?’

The door opened and you stepped out, clean and free of blood, hair damp, trying your best to dry it with a towel.

You saw Harry sitting on the bed and you walked over to him and stood in front of him.

“Harry?” He stopped shaking and looked up at you through his lashes. “are you okay?” Harry sat up a little, allowing you more room to get closer to him, standing between his legs.

“why?” you tilted your head, raising your eyebrow “why did ye go after me da?”

You sighed and wrapped your arms around his shoulders and brought him into a hug, his arms going around your waist.

“I did it because I care about you, and he needed to learn a lesson”

“wha’ did ye do to him’?”

You blew your hair out of your face, “I cut off all his limbs and left him to suffer”

Harry's jaw dropped and you shrugged and poked his nose, he made a face and wiggled his nose, you giggled and Harry rolled his eyes and laid his head on your chest. You softly smiled and scratched his scalp.

He sniffed and rubbed his face on your chest, making you blush. He lifted his face, meeting your eyes, your faces only a couple of inches from each other, your breaths mingling, Harry glanced at your lips biting his own, you pursed your lips and leaned forward, Harry’s eyes fluttered slightly, you kissed his forehead (making Harry a little disappointed) and whispered.

“I swear to Calypso that I will protect you from now on”

Thunder rumbled in the distance, Harry let out a harsh breath, and you both stayed there for a few more minutes, feeling comfort in the others embrace.

Later that night, Harry and you slept in the bed, luckily it was large enough for both of you to have a side, and as Harry laid there, staring at your serene face, he realized something

…

He was falling for you.

…

And fast

--end of part 7--

comment or message me for part 8

taglist:

@namelesslosers (he does deserve the world, and im gonna give it to him in this fic and the next.👍👍)

Imma also tag @crazybutconfidentaf because I wanted you to know you get to cackle in revenge against Hook. 😜

#Descendents #descendants #disney descendants #harry hook #harryhook #harry hook x reader #harry hook descendants #harry hook imagine #captain hook #reader is a badass #and took notes from princess bride

[bi-dazai]

2000 words on soukoku romance-coding in episode 26

i’ve talked a lot on here about how there’s a lot of romance-coding in the canon content featuring dazai and chuuya. here’s a rundown of my base theories here

i didnt add this in my original above post, but ill say now that diegetically chuuya and dazai are usually quite levelheaded and manipulative - both are the two youngest port mafia executives in history. even when dazai is annoyed with other characters (such as kunikida or atsushi) it is clear that he is play-acting. chuuya, meanwhile, is extremely level-headed and doesnt get upset at all - even when yosano and kenji appeared heavily armed. dazai is only slightly upset by shibusawa and dostoyevsky. the only person to genuinely get a rise out of both chuuya and dazai are each other. even so, their arguing has, from the beginning, been petty on the surface, yet upon reading into dialogue and animated/written/illustrated facial expressions show deep hurt at each others actions, particularly on their 4 year separation and dazai covering up his loyalty to chuuya by betraying his trust in episode 21.

i have two more points to add on concerning their non-diegetic relationship. firstly, that official merchandise and posters almost always depict chuuya and dazai either ogling each other (theres a trend of dazai ogling chuuya’s ass in particular) or doing something romantic together (for example there’s a poster where they are depicted hanging around together with no other characters near a christmas tree - christmas is considered a romantic holiday in japan. the same coding is given to many canon fictional couples in japan, and to another studio bones production pairing in bnha kiribaku, which has a similar level of gaycoding).

the second non-diegetic point you should understand about soukoku: it’s one of the most popular ships in japan, and japan’s anime industry tends to be a lot more open about showing same-sex relationships/gay-coding than the west is.

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and for a note on my authorship - i admit that i do ship soukoku, and that this gives me a bias. i am also bisexual and am much more sensitive to noticing homoeroticism than many straight audiences. however, to counter this point id like to clarify that it takes a lot to make me believe a same-sex ship has even the slightest chance of being canon. also, id like to say that i am an author in my second year of a creative writing degree and my first year of a film studies minor. these degrees both involve analysing text within production and authorial context (a lot...). in my free time i read a lot of papers and articles on the production context and general views of lgbt representation in different countries’ media, in particular the usa, australia, and japan. i consume every piece of media i view with an intensely critical eye and i specialise in connected diegetic elements with non-diegetic elements in terms of production, authorial, and social context

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*NOTE* im going to be doing things out of order here for no other reason than that i realised them in that order as i thought about the episode analytically

today i want to talk about something extremely specific that came up in episode 26, and it has to do with the use of symbolism and shot composition. it’s just a short, short sequence but to me it speaks volumes, both for their canon relationship and their coded romantic relationship.

specifically this sequence. this is just one shot and to me it portrays soukoku’s dynamic as explicitly romantic in a mise-en-scene sense.

before we like to go in, id like to clarify that the dialogue doesnt matter - it’s mainly expository stuff.

the first sc is the first shot we see of dazai and chuuya ‘alone’ in this scene. it’s unclear where mori is exactly. even though mori is clearly orchestrating the two of them and this entire scene’s dialogue, he isn’t in this shot until the very end. this defines the soukoku relationship, as well as their first meeting being entirely incidental, as being something that was supposedly orchestrated by mori but on a deeper level something they created and grow themselves. it is their relationship from the beginning, not mori’s. even though we know that mori is orchestrating this, we are told that this story will be about chuuya and dazai, not mori’s plans. along with that, it’s also the first shot of open sky we get in this scene, and it’s with just chuuya and dazai looking at each other, silent. it’s open and refreshing and new, but there’s something there already - which i will discuss now.

so. let’s talk about the vapour trail. the vapour trail has no real relationship to the scene or story at all. it would be perfectly logical to just place clouds here, or even place the vapour trail somewhere else. but this vapour trail is very specifically placed to form an arrow to comes from dazai’s heart and reaches towards chuuya, passing over mori’s head narrowly. mori watches the trail, dazai and chuuya watch each other. mori knows the middle part - that they will be tied together to be a device of violence of his own making. but at the other ends dazai and chuuya are tied together in a way that goes above and below mori’s knowledge. this symbolises their future together, and indicates a subtextual level to their dynamic.

the choice i want to focus on here, however, is the choice to have this arrow reach from dazai’s heart. as a writer, if i was trying to symbolise the general strategic soukoku dynamic i would have this arrow go from dazai’s head (the brains) to chuuya (the recipient and conductor of dazai’s plans). in fact, i have a dynamic im writing right now that is similar to this, in which one is defense and one is agility. however, these two also end up in a same-sex romantic relationship together later on. in order to code and foreshadow this, as well as add romantic subtext, often when using symbology i adjust my symbols to fit a romantic context subtly. as an author myself, this shot is a clear hint of adjusted symbolism in order to code dazai’s feelings for chuuya.

and if i’m to read further, i would even say that the fact that the arrow flies over chuuya’s head suggests that dazai currently has romantic feelings for chuuya that chuuya does not yet return (but comes to, something that i have discussed in my linked post above).

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secondly, tumblr user @cream-and-punishment made a fun joke post about dazai and chuuya “exchanging wedding vows” at their first meeting. firstly, it’s funny as fuck and when i first saw the post my reaction was just “haha it does sound like that!”. however, i keep looking at that post, keep returning to the script and that scene, and my reaction is now “wow. it does sound like that. like. exactly what soukoku wedding vows sound like. huh.”

for the lazy here’s the script (translated by the funimation subtitle team):

Dazai: You’re a cocky, overconfident child. You’re the kind of person I hate the most.

Chuuya: And I hate condescending pricks like you more than anything in this world.

and because im thorough, i ignored my english subs and listened the original japanese script as well (with my limited japanese to basically check for anything that could be translated differently or means something in japanese that is culturally untranslatable). what i found was that the english subs are right, and capture the original lines quite well.

dialogue can function as a tool for multiple results. in this two-line exchange, neither of the lines are meant as views into the character’s true interiors. instead, the purpose of this interchange is meant to be foreshadowing, specifically into the fact that this is how chuuya and dazai spend the rest of their relationship (up until the current point in the canon manga plot) expressing their opinion towards each other. it mirrors the kind of dialogue we see in episode 10 in which dazai and chuuya’s dialogue works as exposition for their past and their base dynamic, and here it is used to foreshadow what is considered backstory in the main plot (if that makes any sense?).

however, chuuya’s response to dazai is where im interested. im gonna pull my writer’s card here and say that if i was, again, just foreshadowing hatred and frustration as well as cooperation, i would cut chuuya’s line to something like this:

Chuuya: And I hate condescending pricks like you the most/just as much/etc.

“more than anything in this world”, of course, could just be incidental. but considering how a lot of soukoku’s dialogue is clearly double-entendre (read my original post linked above), it makes me consider a second option: that we are already putting that romantic double-entendre into their dynamic. if we refer to the future soukoku dynamic, in particular in episode 21, we are shown multiple times that chuuya genuinely cares for dazai’s well-being (secondary to rimbaud’s hat of course hahaha). chuuya would be genuinely upset if dazai died, and its implied (though still up to interpretation as opposed to the explicitness of chuuya’s shown feelings, however i would argue that dead apple is fairly explicit in dazai’s trust and feelings) the vice versa is also true.

going off that, often how both of them express concern for each other is by making ‘hateful’ comments towards each other. in episode 9, it’s clear there is uncomfortable tension in the room. there is 4 years of unspoken confusion lingering and chuuya is clearly, clearly upset. so dazai, in referencing an unchanging nature of what makes them them, calls back to one of his first mocking entries - how short chuuya is. it’s funny and it’s mocking, but the blows they trade are familiar and even when theyre brawling, despite being on opposite sides they take genuine pleasure in each others company. considering both of their personalities and histories as well as their trauma, both of them tend to struggle with interpersonal relationships and opening up. but chuuya and dazai canonically feel comfortable with each other, and know how to read each other well enough to both bounce off each other while also understanding what lies beneath.

so when chuuya says something like “i hate you more than anything in this world” we are pulled back to the present (in the plot), where chuuya says these things but moments later is concerned or worried for dazai’s wellbeing. chuuya in this line prioritises dazai as the foremost person in his life within minutes of meeting each other. diegetically (to the characters) we know this is them exchanging tense negotiation. non-diegetically (to what we know of the script and their future, as well as this entire exchange being mostly foreshadowing), we are clearly meant to interpret this to mean that chuuya will, eventually, hold dazai to be incredibly important to him, and vice versa. 

of course, we also have the fact that the phrase “more than anything in this world” is yet another soukoku romantic double-entendre. as i mentioned with things such as “the silent treatment” and mentioning drinking heavily when someone abruptly leaves you, it’s clear that these are used almost entirely as romantic tropes. i’ve discussed this before so i wont get too much into it, but just say that this scene adds yet another line to that long list of soukoku double-entendres.

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considering at least the first 3 episodes will be related to exploring the soukoku backstory, ill be trying to post an analytic of soukoku for each episode of the 15 adaptation. furthermore, these posts won’t be explicitly about the potential of canon romantic chuuya/dazai, but will analyse soukoku scenes in a focus that i see fit for each episode. whether this is examining it like this post again, or examining it for foreshadowing or cinematographic details etc, will be decided once i watch each episode.

anyway lol! yet another rambling analytical of something nobody cares about haha

#long post #skk #soukoku #double black #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #damn i feel like a hack fraud tagging for attention but i wrote all this out so

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

hii! so i was typed an infj, both by cognitive functions tests, personality tests, and the 16 personalities thingy. my enneagram is 6. so because the whole stigma around the mistypings of infj so i get really unsure of my type a lot. no other type resonates with me more but im not the calm, collected version infj’s are made out to be. as my best self i am chaotic, and excited, making no sense at all and being free. i am also not as morally righteous as infjs seem to be, however i used to be more

           chaotic infj back again. i do see myself being easily manipulated by people with npd and such and can also see myself using my NiFe to manipulate others sometimes without even noticing. i also see myself adjusting to those around me to make them the most comfortable, if they need someone shy or outgoing etc. however, because of the N preference in the community i feel i might be mistyped there, when i am in fact an s. i love ideas and big abstract themes such as morality, the nova effect 2/infj            

3/infj politics, mbti, etc but while still in highschool i see myself just wanting facts and facts and no abstract ideas and anytime there is not a definite answer i get anxious. this could be due to the competitive nature of my school and my perfectionism or when i get into an NiTi loop but i also wanted your opinion. i am very self aware and self reflective, hence why i can’t seem to stop doubting who i am, and i know thats a trait of infjs. i also resonate a lot with andrew garfield who is            

4/infj who is an infamous infp and i know im not as idealist as i used to be with politics but i still don’t think im as free flowing as an infp because i don’t revel in being different i hate it. thanks for listening and doing what you do and if you have any thoughts i would really like to hear them            

5/infj, also im sorry about using Ni and Fe and Ti and all those i forgot they were in ur faq and thats normally how i talk about mbti and i also know i used very average descriptions like morally righteous and stuff which is also in ur faq eek, im sorry i tried my best its hard to describe yourself             

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Hi anon,

Just to get it out of the way, I don’t have a typing for this and my advice is going to be what it is for many high schoolers who have difficulty describing themselves, which is wait until you’ve developed more as a person. It’s always hard to describe yourself, but it’s much harder when many of your choices are made for you and you’re still very much in the midst of figuring out who you are.

A few things to consider when retyping yourself in the future: first, tests are garbage. They type essentially everyone who shows mild curiosity about the world as an intuitive, anyone who isn’t extremely extroverted as an introvert, and reduce the valid differences between judgers and perceivers to neat/messy. I do find they’re often kind of okay on feeling vs. thinking (in the dichotomy sense - they can’t tell apart Fi from Fe), but that’s also something that in many cases I find relatively easy to tell. Anyway, the only thing I’d consider taking away from this is that you’re probably a feeler, and the information you provided seems to back that up.

Second, I’m not sure what your sources are for INFJ behavior. The fact is because this type is so commonly over typed, you can hear arguments for basically everything since people of all types think they’re INFJs and even the same descriptions often contradict, and not in a Walt Whitman kind of way but in a “wow you did not think this through” kind of way. I mean, what kind of moral person prides themselves on the door slam, an immature and stupid thing to do*? So I would just ignore all of those and try to type yourself, as a person, based on the functions.

For manipulations; first, how many people do you know with NPD? Like, actually diagnosed? I’m not saying it’s impossible you’ve run into them but I don’t think I’ve ever run into someone personally with an actual APD or NPD diagnosis that I knew of. Second, what specifically do you mean by manipulation? I find it’s an area that gets weirdly defined on Tumblr and sometimes people use it to refer to like, normally asking people to do things for you which is just being a person. Manipulation has an implication of underhanded tactics.

For liking philosophical ideas: I find most intelligent people do. Intuition vs. Sensing isn’t a matter of liking philosophical ideas in an academic/leisure setting; it’s more specifically about how you interact with them in your actual daily life when you’re not in school or spending your free time. I’m a physicist, like, as my job, and I love physics, and I was drawn to physics by a lot of cool theoretical ideas which I still find interesting - but I have absolutely no desire to be a theoretical physicist professionally. So I have a question, and a caveat here: first, would you be happy spending your life pondering philosophical or theoretical questions as a primary thing that you do? And for the caveat: in high school I absolutely would have said yes, and as a junior in college I realized the answer was actually a strong No, which is yet another reason why I think waiting to type yourself until you’re older is often a very good idea. (Note: this is not a perfect sensing/intuition question by any means anyway - I suspect a lot of ENTJs would answer No here because of their dominant Te. But it’s a valuable question to have in mind when typing yourself.)

I think being a little older will also shed whether you want guidance because you’re a sensor or guidance because of the general nature of high school and academic pressures, and whether you want to fit in because you have Fe or because of the general nature of high school. It’s worth noting that if you’re confident in a 6 core enneagram, that might be a factor whether you use high Fe or high Fi.

I don’t place a lot of value on who you relate to; not only do I not personally know Andrew Garfield’s type I think part of the nature of celebrity (and/or fictional characters) is projecting a persona that can appeal to a lot of people, and the reasons we relate to people often are about shared experience or a shared opinion about something important to us. We can relate to people of different types quite easily - which is good - but it means it’s not really a typing tool.

And finally I guess to clarify - the reason I ask people not to use MBTI terms in asking questions isn’t because I dislike it for its own sake - it’s because it makes it pretty much impossible for me to draw my own conclusions. Typing over the internet is always a challenge because I’m relying on someone’s own unintentionally cherry-picked understanding of their personality, rather than my observation, but when they use functions to describe what they do it, I don’t even know what they’re trying to say because there’s an additional layer of uncertainty based on whether their understanding of Fe (for example) is the same as mine and so I have nothing to go on and won’t be able to answer. Believe me, if the FAQ was about things I dislike rather than things I need to type well I would just be deleting every question in which someone ended a sentence with ‘lol’.

So: no idea on type other than feeler, but I hope the above gives you an idea of what to look for in the future, with the understanding that you might not be able to type yourself accurately for a while, and that’s fine.

*as always I make an exception if you’re cutting off ties with an abuser but a lot of the door slam descriptions aren’t “I stopped talking to my abuser and didn’t tell them why because it would put me in danger,” but rather “this person BETRAYED MY CONFIDENCES and I cannot ever forgive them, they have pushed me too far this time and I have given all of myself, but I shan’t be hurt again, I cannot bear it” and it’s all extremely amateur-production-of-a-Bronte-novel and melodramatic and very silly.

#mbti #i had to look up the nova effect #and i think it's extremely nonsensical #but it is abstract i'll grant you that #Anonymous

[luthorao3]

6, 7, 19, 20, 22, 23, 30, 36, 51 :)

ouu this is gonna be a long one hahah~ 

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in. &  7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

im going to do this from my main fandoms as listed on ao3 just to narrow it down some:

Once Upon a Timeotp: swan queen / outlaw queen notp: emma / anyone else. just cannot read it, cannot get into it. maybe with zelena because im trash and bex mader owns my heart, but otherwise no.

Jane the Virginotp: roisa notp: i don’t have strong enough feelings for any notps hahah

Mass Effect otp: shiara, tevos/aria, ryder/peebee notp: shepard/garrus (i love him but as my brother)

League of Legends (K/DA)otp: evelynn/ahri notp: i don’t go here (but im really not into evelynn/akali sry)

Overwatch otp: all ladies, all the time (widowmaker/tracer/mercy/ashe/pharah/literally any other woman thanks, also mercy/zarya because!! wow!)notp: not really but pharmercy. i can enjoy it, aesthetically, and i’ve even written this pairing briefly but i just can’t…. get into it?

Dragon Age otp: ALL LADIES, ALL THE TIME (warden/morrigan, leliana/morrigan. hawke/isabela. inquisitor/cass, inquisitor/josie, cass/josie.)notp: anyone/cullen (but especially a mage warden/hawke/inquisitor). inquisitor/solas. hawke/anyone but isabela. 

Life Is Strange otp: chasefield, pricefield notp: max/warren i don’t want to fucking go ape !!!! 

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? 

hmmm probably pharmercy. i can enjoy it on a surface level but it does nothing for me, really. i have never actively sought out fic for them.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

outlaw queen. massively. i was extremely jaded over swan queen and the fact that it would never happen, emma’s characterisation murder, the general decline in the show itself… so i stopped watching. and then i saw regina was happy and i had to see more, and robin was inoffensive and they worked for me, and i liked seeing how regina had grown – and that it wasn’t because she was in a relationship. that was the important thing, really.

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

yes :)

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

You’re a shark and I’m swimming because this was around the time that i really started to notice improvement in my own writing and i was just… having fun with it. no-pressure, non-committal fun. and i stg i will finish this fic one day, likely no time soon. 

but also flame that came for me because i have never taken on a writing challenge and fulfilled it this well before in my life!!! i wrote this in just over two weeks!!!!! that’s incredible for me. i’ve never been able to tell myself, ‘you need to sit down and do this and finish it’ and like…. actually accomplished just that. the writing isn’t the best and the story is rushed in places, but goddamn. for what it is, im super proud of it lmao.

30. What inspires you to write?

anything and everything… gosh idk. mainly, it’s seeing a little spark of potential between two characters that i don’t feel has been properly explored in whatever canon setting they’re from, and i want to explore that. but also, i was put on this earth to make it just a little gayer. i specifically want to write gay shit and get it out there for gay people to read and enjoy. that’s all im here for.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

romance~! im grey-aro/ace and do not do well with that shit in reality, but i like exploring it in fiction.

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

okay! let’s talk comments. let’s talk reblogs. im the first person to tell you that the number of kudos/comments/reviews/notes your writing receives is in no way indicative of how good a piece of writing it is, or how enjoyable a story it is, etc. however. if you like something, and you want to see more of something, and specifically if you’re the kind of person to send an anonymous message asking for more of something, you better be spreading the shit out of the thing you liked so much in the first place. give writers feedback. it can be one line, it can be one hundred lines. we will take it all. if they publish their writing on tumblr, and you like it, reblog it. spread that shit. let others find it. support your local anxiety ridden writer today f o r  f r e e~ 

Fanfiction Questions | Send me a number!

#awaybacktothen #asks #ask meme #thank u honey !

[seulgiology]

maybe it’s love ┃son seungwan

pairings: bestfriend!wendy x bestfriend!reader

words: 3.6k

genre: angst, fluff

warning: established relationship, f2l, crying, like a lot of crying, some arguing but nothing too extreme, like sad arguing ???, all over the place fluff, this is lowkey sad

a/n: here it is for the beautiful anon that requested this. im so sorry this took me like two days but ive been sleeping and doing my online work. im sorry forthe crappy ending as well but i just might make a followup with some smut if you request it maybe. but i hope this was good and angsty enough. it is currently 4:43 in the morning so it’s time for admin 2 to sleep. I hope you like it :))

disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

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“Okay um, the directions say to wear gloves so the dye won’t get on your hands and in your nails,” you read from the small instruction paper to your best friend, who is mixing the dye together. 

“Y/N-ah, I’ve had my hair dyed multiple times so I know how to do this,” she assures with an amused laugh. She rounds the chair to crouch down in front of you mockingly, smiling beautifully in that way that gets your stuttering, “Trust me,” she says next and you nod quickly, breathing out your nose and pushing strands of hair out of your face.

“Alright, but if my hair falls out, Seungwan, then I will sue,” you teasingly say and Seungwan only pinches one of your flushed cheeks making you smile shyly. She then goes back to mixing the dye as you read the box of the dye the two of you had bought earlier.

“Your hair won’t fall out, princess,” Seungwan assures in a soft voice, using the nickname she has been calling you for years. You have to bite your lip to stop the huge smile from breaking through. You glance behind you to see Seungwan’s hands clasped together under her chin in concentration, head tilting side to side as she inspects the color of the dye. Just looking at her is enough to get you going.

Seungwan and you have been best friends for as long as you could remember. You guys have done everything together and grown with each other. You two have been through it all; both good and bad. You’re not sure when it happened though. 

You’re not sure when you fell in love with your best friend, Son Seungwan.

You can’t bring yourself to tell her as much as you want to. You just know that she won’t feel the same way and you can’t bear the pain of hearing her actually saying those words. What you two have now is way more important for some silly feelings you have for her that should’ve left a long time ago due to it being unrequited. 

The thoughts are pushed to the back of your mind when Seungwan claps her hands twice, catching your attention. “Alright, we’re ready to go so lean back and relax,” she instructs, sounding as if she is your hairstylist.

Seungwan starts working the dye in your hair, talking to you about how she feels with her new album coming out in a couple of months. You listen intently with your eyes closed and releasing some hums as she speaks. She talks with that subtle excitement that always underlies in her voice when she speaks.

“We leave this in for forty-five minutes and then wash it out. If all goes according to plan then your hair should be the strawberry blonde you want it to be,” she says while inspecting your hair that is pinned up in four different sections with a satisfied smile.

“I’ll clean up the mess and while I’m doing that you should find a movie for us to watch,” you suggest and stand up from the chair you’ve been sitting in for what feels like forever. Seungwan perks up at this and rushes to the living room, excited sounds coming from her loudly. “And we’re not watching The Fault In Our Stars!” you shout after her and laugh as her sounds die down into defeated whines.

“We never get to watch that movie though,” Seungwan complains but her efforts are useless.

“Wan-ah we have watched that movie three times in a row,” you remind with a laugh. You toss the bowl that was used for the dye in the trash and clean up any excess color that happened to splatter. After cleaning up the kitchen, you walk into the living room where Seungwan is snuggling up in her favorite blanket that so happens to belong to you.

Your heart warms at the sight and when she turns around, smiling so brightly that her eyes shape into little crescent moons, you don’t know what came over you at that moment but all you know is that you wanted your best friend as close to you as possible.

You get on the couch next to her and quickly snuggle up next to her when she opens the blanket for you. She’s thrown off when you’re the one cuddling her tonight instead of it being the other way around. Nonetheless, she rests her head on your breasts softly and wraps her arms around your tiny frame that almost matches hers.

“Y/N?” Seungwan whispers in question, concerned with the way you’re holding her. As if it’s the last time she will be in your arms. “Is everything okay? I didn’t pick The Fault In Our Stars if that’s what you’re worried about,” her voice is soft as she speaks. Almost too soft and you feel your eyes water at her consideration.

You didn’t want to lose her. 

Your hands are running through her soft locks and your left cheek is resting against her forehead. “I love you Wan-ah,” you say it so quietly that you’re not sure she heard you. You’re positive she didn’t hear the crack in your voice or notice how this time when you said it, it wasn’t in the way she was used to.

You don’t know why suddenly you feel like right now you should confess but the feeling is clawing at your heart. And seeing Seungwan curled up in your blanket with the smile of a complete goddess on her face, face lit up happily― you knew that you had to tell her. 

You often acted off impulse and that was one of the things Seungwan would tease you about. Thinking things through wasn’t your best fort and you’ve been thinking things through enough with trying to sort out your feelings for your best friend. If you’re being honest here then you’re terrified. You’re absolutely terrified about what’s going to happen when she finds out you have feelings for her and how long it has been going on.

Will she hate me? Will she think different of me? What if she doesn’t look at me the same… What if this changes things forever and not in the way I want it to. Thoughts ran through your head so fast it was as if they were chasing each other, tempting you to open your mouth and spill how you’ve been feeling these past few years.

“I love you too,” her voice is pulling you out of your torn thoughts again. This time however her wide eyes are looking up at you and when she sees you teary eyes, immediate worry crashes through her and she pulls out of your hold. Her hands are instantly cupping your cheeks and her worry-filled eyes are searching your teary ones. “What‘s wrong? Y/N is there something you’re not telling me? Where is this coming from?” She asks all at once, her voice still calm but it’s rushed and you can tell she’s concerned.

Seungwan’s heart breaks when she sees the first tear drop down your cheek. She doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t know what is the cause of your pain. Seeing you like this made her own eyes gloss over. “Please talk to me,” Seungwan says and her voice is desperate, wanting to know what is going on so she can help you. She hates not being able to care for you and right now she can’t care for you fully if you’re not willing to speak.

“I’m sorry,” this comes out as a soft cry and the way Seungwan’s whole face turns down is painful. “I’m sorry, please don’t be upset,” and saying this awakens some rage in her. You’re crying and yet you want to apologize and think she is upset?  Knowing each other for the majority of your lives, you two have the tendency to care for one another more than oneself at times. 

“Y/N stop,” she says, shaking her head firmly. “You’re crying and you don’t want me to be upset. It’s not about me right now, princess, okay? It’s about you and how you’re feeling. So, please― please talk to me,” Seungwan begs softy, thumbs wiping away your tears that keep falling.

“It is about you though,” You whisper and Seungwan’s thumbs stop their movements, confusion and hurt hitting her at the same time. What had she done to make her best friend cry like this? Seeing the look on Seungwan’s face, you don’t know what to say but you know it hurts. It hurts so much seeing her hurt because of you. Because you want to be selfish and decide that now is the time to tell her you have feelings for her.

You think about how ridiculous you might look right now. Cheeks streaked with tears, eyes puffy from crying and face flushed. Your hair still has the dye in it and is parted in crazy sections to keep your hair up. Now probably wasn’t the best time to tell her.

“I love you,” is all you say but for some reason, Seungwan feels like there is more to it. She’s waiting in anticipation of what you have to say and she knows shouldn’t say anything. “But not in the way that you love me,” you add in slowly because you know she’s going to have to process it.

It takes Seungwan a few minutes to catch on and in those few minutes, you held your breath. She looked at you with her head tilted to the right slightly and lips pursed in thought. When the realization came upon her, you watched her face drop and heard your heart shatter.

 “Y/N…” she trails off sadly but you shake your head, already standing up from the couch and you feel the tears falling again. What did I expect, you thought to yourself. “I’m sorry,” she whispers and stands up after you. “I’m so sorry but I don’t love you like that but you’re still my best friend,” Seungwan was starting to cry now, afraid she is going to lose you because she doesn’t feel the same.

“Y-You don’t hate me?” You choke out in surprise, watching the girl from your blurred vision shake her head quickly. Even though Seungwan doesn’t feel the same way and she doesn’t think she could ever; she still loves you regardless.

“I could never hate you,” she admits with a cute pout that makes your heart hurt even more. It makes you feel the slightest better hearing that so you smile. You wipe away your tears with shaky fingers.

You don’t think you could stand to be in her presence currently. You have to admit you’re really hurt. You know facing the harsh truth was going to be rough but you didn’t expect it to hurt this bad. You guess now you can try to move on with Seungwan knowing about your feelings and it finally being off your chest. That heavy feeling lifted but was replaced with a heavier one. One that you knew would take longer to leave.

“You should get going now,” you say after clearing your throat and Seungwan looks at you in shock. You two were supposed to spend tonight together and Seungwan couldn’t help but feel like she messed it up even though she didn’t. “I’m getting tired and I’ll wash out the dye on my own,” you tell her, avoiding her eyes.

“Okay,” Seungwan agrees defeatedly. You continue to stand in that spot as she gathers her things and leaves. She turns back to look at you one more time before leaving and the tear that falls from her left eye she is quick to wipe away. She will give you as much space as possible if that means you’re okay and you won’t end up hating her.

You sat on your couch for longer than you thought, just crying. You were twenty minutes late to washing your hair and when it came to, the color was more of a peach than strawberry. The color reminded you of Seungwan’s cheeks whenever she smiled and it made you frown. 

The two of you knew things were going to be different after today.

--

Different things were, indeed.

It’s been a month since you confessed to your best friend. It took a week to get back to normal― well, as normal as things could get. You showed up at one of her dance practices and she was elated to see you, automatically hugging you. Even hugging each other felt different. Especially now that the two of you were really aware of one another’s feelings.

You assured her that everything was fine between you and she had hugged you tighter, going on about how relieved she was that you’re talking to her. 

As the weeks went on, Seungwan also found a change within herself. She started to really pay attention to you; probably more than she had ever done in her life. She noticed the way your left eye would twitch whenever something irritated you or the way you would smile the smallest of smiles whenever she spoke. What she noticed the most is how little you have been talking to her.

Her affection was more excessive and if you didn’t know better then you would’ve thought she was the one in love with you. If Seungwan is being honest then she has thought about you romantically before. It was a few years back though and ever since she had locked those thoughts in a faraway corner in her mind. She couldn’t let that ruin your friendship.

Now that she’s aware of your feelings for her, it doesn’t change how much she already loves you. Nothing you do can change that. She just feels like now you’re pushing yourself away and she’s scared this might be it for you guys.

The night things really changed was when Seungwan was in the dorms, sulking to her close friend and bandmate, Joohyun. She was complaining about how distant you have become since she confessed.

“I just feel like there’s more I can do, you know? Like I don’t know what I could’ve done because I don’t feel the same but she’s hurting and I know it. It’s all because my dumb heart can’t see past our friendship,” Seungwan rants, this going on for the tenth minute. Joohyun listens intently with a growing smile on her face.

“And I love her so much unnie. She’s my whole world and more,” Seungwan explains with a sad laugh. “I don’t feel as complete when I’m not around her but when I’m with her it’s like I can breathe again. I know I’m busy all the time but I make time for her… I’d do anything for Y/N.”

“Wendy-ah,” Joohyun speaks softly and it gains her attention. “I’m not an expert at love but I’m pretty sure you’re in love with your best friend.”

“What?” Seungwan’s voice comes out as a whisper but she doesn’t recoil at the words. She knows that deep down, Joohyun is right. 

“This whole time you’ve been talking to me I noticed the way you talked about Y/N. I haven’t heard you talk about anyone like that and I’ve never really been in love myself but I’ve heard about it. And this right here is love,” Joohyun says calmly. Seungwan’s brown eyes are glazing over with tears and she feels even worse when coming to the realization herself.

“Oh god, she’s going to hate me,” Seungwan whines dramatically but Joohyun squeezes her arm to calm her.

“I don’t think anything can make Y/N hate you,” Joohyun speaks just as Seulgi strolls into the living room. “Oh yeah, that girl is so in love with you I might just fall in love with you to see what all the hype is about,” Seulgi playfully says and it makes Seungwan laugh.

“Tell her,” Joohyun advises and at Seungwan’s wide-eyed look, she nods towards the front door. “Go to her and tell her how you feel. Say it, write it, sing it― just tell her before it’s too late.”

Hearing that gives Seungwan the spark of confidence and motivation she didn’t know she needed until now. “Thank you unnie, you’re the best and I love you,” Seungwan rushes out as she stands from the couch. After putting on her shoes, Seungwan nearly dashes out of the house.

Meanwhile, you just got out the shower a few minutes ago and is sitting in front of your vanity, drying your pale blue hair that you had dyed a week ago. You hum to a song that plays softly in the background from your speaker. Your day had been a busy one, booked with taking shots of a soon to be married couple. It was adorable to say the east and it made you happy seeing people in love.

You hadn’t really talked to your best friend these past couple of days because of how busy the two of you were. But you were purposefully ignoring Seungwan for your own good. Even if she would text you late after one of her practices, as usual, to hang out you would dodge her or pretend to be tired.

You still weren’t over the heartbreaking rejection you had received from her. And you’re mad at yourself for distancing yourself but you don’t know what else to do. You want to move on so you won’t have to continue feeling this hurt. You always thought that if Seungwan rejected you, it would be easier to move on but it was harder than you thought.

At the sound of the door being pounded on, you jolt in surprise and drop the brush from your hands. You look outside your window to find that it’s pouring down with rain and you hadn’t even noticed. Who would be knocking this late at night and traveling in the horrendous weather?

With a sigh, you leave your room and walk to the front entrance while throwing your hair up in a loose ponytail. You swing open the door without seeing who it is but when you do, you’re taken aback.

“Seungwan?” You breathe out in shock at the small girl standing in front of you, dripping wet from the rain and shivering from the cold. “Oh, my god, what are you doing? Get in here,” you grab her hand and pull her in. You leave to get a towel and when you return to her, you’re quick to wrap it around her. 

“Hi,” she whispers sheepishly but you’re frustrated at how reckless her actions are right now.

“Are you out of your damn mind? You can get sick!” you cry out but Seungwan doesn’t seem to care. You notice how her mind seems to be elsewhere and she’s not even worried about the condition she’s in. “And why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?” You ask with a frustrated huff, hands going to your face that was just thoroughly washed.

You watch with raised eyebrows as Seungwan walks closer to you and just as you open your mouth to ask what she’s doing, she is kissing you. SON SEUNGWAN IS KISSING YOU. the literal girl of your dreams has her lips pressed against yours.

And it’s absolute bliss.

The kiss ignites something within you both that pulls you closer together. This kiss was heaven itself with her small hands cupping your cheeks and lips still on yours; as if she’s afraid to move them. Your eyes were closed and you were succumbing to the taste of Seungwan. No, no this isn’t right, you think with a wince and feel yourself pulling away.

“Why did you do that?” you ask before you even recover from the unexpected kiss.”Is this some sort of joke to you?” You ask next, eyebrows furrowing and newfound hurt and offense taking over that bliss. 

“What? No, Y/N-” Seungwan tries but you stop her with holding a hand up, eyes already starting to burn with oncoming tears. 

“You can’t just kiss people who have feelings for you, Seungwan. It’s not fair,” you admit but Seungwan is shaking her head and you’re confused when you see her teary eyes. Why is she about to cry?

“Y/N, listen to me please,” Seungwan begs, moving closer to you. “I think… I think I’ve always been in love with you. I think I’ve always known but I didn’t want to admit nor acknowledge it which is why I freaked out last month and said I didn’t feel the same. But I do! I swear to god I do and I can’t stand going another day without you knowing.”

Your heart stops hearing her speak what you always wanted to hear and you’re in disbelief. Is this really real? There’s no way Seungwan is standing in front of you telling you how she feels. Not only that but she has felt it for probably even longer than you.

I’ve always been in love with you.

“I’m not lying, just please,” Seungwan stops as a sob works its way past her lips and the sound is enough to make your heart shatter. “Please say something,” Seungwan’s voice is pleading. Her hands are in tiny fists as she clenches the towel in her hands. 

You don’t say anything but your body gravitates forward and you’re hugging her. You hold on to her tight because you still have your best friend. Not only is she your best friend but she has feelings for you too. She is in love with you, too. 

That night the two of you held each other until falling asleep, hearts in sync with one another. 

#this shit sad lowkey #wendy angst #seungwan angst #red velvet angst #red velvet wendy #red velvet fluff #wendy fluff #seungwan fluff #sad shit #might get you in your feels idk #red velvet drables #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #red velvet request #wendy request #red velvet oneshots #wendy oneshots

[elcorhamletlive]

For the Meme for Shippers: 1, 2, 5, 12, 18, 20, 21, 26, 32 and 39 (thats a lot os questions im sorry haha)

omg HAHAHA thank you!!

01 - Talk about the first ship you ever had

That’s a bit hard to pick because I was honestly shipping stuff before I even understood what shipping was - like I remember being a literal child and watching Digimon 4 and being extremely upset when Izumi ended up with Takuya instead of Koji lol. So it’s hard figuring out what the first shop was.

I can say, though, that the first ship I was, like, consciously into, that I started reading/writing fic for and that got me into fandom was Ron/Hermione. It’s still a ship that means a lot to me today, and still, imo, one of the best straight canon pairings of any series, ever. It was super formative to me, it helped me make friends and develop my writing, and to this day I can see traces of R/Hr in the dynamics I enjoy. It’s the Ultimate Good Ship, to me.

2 - Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.

Well, first one was Ron/Hermione, easy. Then… As I grew up I got into anime fandons and I fell in love with One Piece and specifically with the idea of Zoro/Robin - they were my favorite characters (especially Zoro, who remains on my Hall of All-Time Faves to this day) and they had this interesting tension that immediately sparked my interest. It was a small ship, but in the brazilian fandom I wrote A LOT for them, often along with a girl who was one of my closest fandom friends at the time. It was AWESOME, we used to talk about them for hours, and my writing also developed a lot. One Piece as a whole meant a lot to me at the time, and shipping Zorobin allowed me to channel all that love into creative energy. It was great.

Then time passed and I got into Glee (lol rio past me) and I was obsessed with Kurt Hummel as a character, so for a while I basically read every Kurt/Original Male Character fic I could get my hands on - the hiatus between s1 and S2, when all we knew about season 2 was that Kurt Would Get a Boyfriend, was probably my greatest time in the Glee fandom. Of course, everything went downhill when Kurt’s Actual Boyfriend was introduced and he turned out to be The Most Annoying Character In The History of Everything (to this day, Blaine remains on my Hall of Hated Characters). Then I was stuck in Glee fandom hell, and I read a lot of Kurtofsky, Kurt/Sam, even Puckurt sometimes. It was my way of surviving lol I also discovered Brittana at the time, and while I wouldn’t count as one of my biggest ships because I never Suffered for them, they were pretty formative in that they were my first ever canon gay ship. Plus, in the context of the terrible writing Glee always had, their chemistry really created something magical, especially in the beggining. Landslide still gives me chills, and Santana’s confession is still maybe one the most beautiful love confessions I’ve ever seen in television.

05 - Do you have any poly ships?

Nope. I’m a monogamist in every way lol Never got the hang of ot3s.

12 - Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together?

I mean, everything about the development of Brittana sucked on the season following Santana’s confession but I can’t really say I was DISAPPOINTED because at this point I was stuck in the toxic position of hating everything that happened in the show, so I didn’t care anymore. Besides Brittana… I mean, most of my ships never got together lol The few who did, like R/Hr, lived to my expectations nicely. So I guess no.

18 - Talk about a moment which made you question an entire ship.

Ok so… During my Homestuck phase (yeah I had GOOD TASTE for fandons cnejjseiwiiewj fml) I was super into Gamzee/Tavros and… I mean, if you’ve read Homestuck you know Hussie pretty much discarded Gamzee as a tridimensional character post-Murderstuck, and Tavros’ role in the story was limited to his relationship with Vriska (who I hated with A PASSION). So I did have a lot of moments where I was like “why the hell do I still ship this”, because it was as if canon was constantly mocking me for even trying to take these characters seriously anymore (again, if you’ve read Homestuck, you know that’s not an exaggeration). Ultimately fanon contend was enough to keep me shipping it, though, until I just dropped the comic altogether.

20 - Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping.

I don’t think there’s one. There are ships I wished there was more contend for (like Kallo/Gil from mea) but I don’t think I ever felt alone shipping something. I don’t ship many rarepairs.

21 - Is there a ship you just don’t get, but have nothing against?

Hmm Idk… Usually when I don’t have anything against a ship I can at least grasp why people ship it (St*cky, for example). If I really really DON’T GET IT, I’m probably gonna have some negative feelings about it (like St*rkqu*ll or W*nterIr*n). So, the answer is no, I guess.

26 - Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to?

Like I said, I can see traces of R/Hr in a lot of my other ships lol I enjoy Tension and Bickering and conflict that arrises from bad communication/poor handling of emotional issues. I like visual contrast a lot (it’s ridiculous, but the quickest way to turn me off a stony fic/art is Tony having blue eyes. It’s one of the reasons I’m not very drawn to 616 stony lol I just like smol Tony with brown eyes more. Like I said, it’s ridiculous). I also like when characters are opposites on the surface but actually share important/crucial similarities in essence.

Finally, I pretty much only ship stuff when I’m able to give a shit about both characters involved. I need to be able to care about both characters in some level, outside of their ship dynamic, so I tend to ship characters that have similar levels of development. Usually I have a preference (Steve over Tony, Tavros’ over Gamzee, Ron over Hermione, etc), but I need to like both characters to see them in equal footing. Otherwise it’s just not that appealing to me.

(I’m gonna make the fic recs in a separate post, ok? Bc this is already too long and also, bc I need to ask of which fandom you’d like. I mostly only read mcu stuff lately lol is that ok?)

39 - Is there a fictional relationship you'd want for yourself?

I guess in some level, I'd want a relationship like Ron and Hermione's, preferably without seven years of pining and misunderstandings lol But as a rule I don't necessarily look for relationships I'd want to ship - I just look for dynamics that touch me.

[rottenbutrecovering]

Hi! I'm starting to come to terms with having BPD but the criteria confuses me; is it okay for you to share how you experience it so I can at least get an idea? Thank you, love your blog!

Okay I’ve had this ask in my inbox for so long but I’m finally answering it! Putting it under a read more as it’ll be long.

Note: I wrote this for my boyf a few months ago (I’m changing the wording), so it uses the old criteria! One day I’ll write it up for the new one

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

I am sensitive to abandonment. To me, when someone is angry, it doesn’t mean “they’re angry rn” it’s “they’re angry so they’ll leave me.” This is why i spent 6 hours arguing with my ex when he dumped me. I’m hypervigilant so will over analyse behaviours a lot. People may catch me often saying “are you mad at me?” “do you hate me?” or “are you okay?” randomly when I percieve a change in mood/behaviour as I will auto assume it’s a negative change and will mean they’ll leave me.

Also, I test people. And I hate it. I’ll say things like “we can stop talking if you want” cause i want the person to say they wanna talk to me. I normally notice when im doing this and stop

Also I say “tell me you love me” and “tell me im pretty” to confirm my boyf won’t leave me

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

Basically, this means in my relationships (this includes friendships and family) I go from adoring the person to hating them, and back. I hate this, and I avoid doing it the best I can. People may notice with my friends one day ill say they’re my best friend and the next ill say i hate them/they piss me off. My relationships are intense as my feelings are.

Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

I mirror others personalities, as I can’t see mine myself. I’m unsure who I am, so change a lot. My views shift with people im with, and i go thru obsessional phases with things and they become my personality (e.g. fnaf). It also means i relate to fictional characters a LOT and often mirror them (unconsciously). I’ve also had quite a few break downs where I end up repeating “who am I” to myself, and I find it hard to describe myself to others

Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., substance abuse, binge eating, and reckless driving)

I don’t binge eat, drive, or abuse drugs or alcohol. However, i do impulsively message people saying stuff that will start fights (havn’t done this for ages tho). I may not have this symptom, altho I show it sometimes.

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

I get suicidal thoughts. When breaking down and crying I’ll say that I wanna die quite a lot, and I may make a lot of jokes about wanting to die. I get suicidal thoughts, well, pretty often. Maybe even daily. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes not.

It’s fairly rare that I self harm, and it’s normally only at my worst. 

I do, however, take part in mental self harm. Looking at things I know will hurt me mentally for example. I sometimes do this when my symptoms are low as i worry im faking.

Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Mood swings son, are the BANE of my life. Tiny things can change them, and sometimes they just change for NO REASON! Yeah, I hate this. It makes me feel I can never fully enjoy anything because my mood can flip to extremes at any moment.

Chronic feelings of emptiness

It’s literally feeling nothing, emptiness. I get this… look in my eyes when im empty that i dont like. When like this i may talk about how nothing matters and say “whatever” and “not that it matters” a lot. I get like this when im breaking down. When like this i become apathetic and, if I’m really bad, kinda mean, and I hate it, cause i wanna be a good person

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

I tend to direct anger towards myself (blame myself for things) than to others. But ill admit I am quick to get VERY defensive and not listen to what others have to say if I perceive they’re attacking me.

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

This bitch paranoid! Which is also why I’m not very impulsive. I often think people are out to get me and doing things behind my back. I will over analyse. I may accuse people of something out of nowhere, with no evidence. But to me, there is evidence. If this happens, please ask for my reasoning, and explain why it’s wrong. I dissociate in stress. Dissociation is where i feel disconnected from my body. My typing becomes messy, my thoughts disorganised, and I feel out of reality. I may ask things like “where am i” or “i have no idea whats going on”. 

#answered #advice #suicide tw #self harm tw #Anonymous

[toyfrog]

Spader' Portguese Interview: Planting a Massive Oak Tree and Breaking Away!

Oh, yes he is.

Without a Doubt: Spader isn’t happy. And it seems his own fanbase are out of touch with his true feelings on the subject of fame, and why he just wants a simple work schedule like he had in Season 1?

Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. And because he’s been forced to work all the time, it’s taking him away from his private life.

HES NOT HAPPY.

But those who follow me *know* this already.

James Spader stars in “The Blacklist” since 2013. It’s more of a dark character in his career, the ones he’s drawn to.

[I’VE MENTIONED THIS: WHENEVER A LEAD ACTOR BECOMES FRUSTRATED WITH STORY, OR IN SPADER’S CASE, ADD THE SHOOTING SCHEDULE, THEYRE GOING TO VENT. NOT IN THE STATES BECAUSE THEY ARE PROTESTING IN THEIR OWN WAY THEIR DISTRESS OVER THE CURRENT STORY DIRECTION. ILL EVEN ADD ON THAT THE INTERVIEWEES ARE HAND PICKED BY THE SAME SOFTBALL CREW WHO WILL WRITE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING TO HYPE A BAD SHOW OR INTERVIEW THE SAME ACTOR OVER AND OVER THE ACTOR WHO LOVES TO HEAR HIMSELF TALK, LIVES THE SPOTLIGHT, NILS IS A TERRIBLE DISEASE FOR ROOKIE ACTORS. THEY START BELIEVING THEIR OWN PRESS UNTILL THOSE RATINGS CRASH THEIR Q SCORE]

[SO WHILE AMIR ARISON, AND RE TWEET THEIR ‘LOYALTY’ BECAUSE THEY ARE GETTING THE MOTHERLODE OF AIRTIME AND STORY, OTHER ACTORS REMAIN SILENT AND FOR GOOD REASON. THE SHOW IS ALARMINGLY IMBALANCED.]

James Spader’s debut in the art of representation took place in the cinema in the early 1980s, but in the nearly four decades of his career, the actor stood out as a TV character in “gray” or completely dark. That was the unethical Alan Shore of Fair Cause and Boston Legal or the puzzling Robert California of The Office. But also from Raymond “Red” Reddington from The Blacklist, NBC series issued in Portugal by SIC. Dressing the skin to these villains is not an imposition, but Spader admits in an interview that DN had access that feels “a certain attraction” by them.

“I’ve always found anti-heroes very attractive and of course playing a villain who mixes his evil with humor and irreverence can be a lot of fun,” he explains. [HERES THE DISCONNECT: RED IS A VILLAIN-HIS FANS REFUSE TO SEE THAT. INSTEAD THEY FEEL RED IS THE LONG SUFFERING HERO HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH LIZ. YEA. THATS *NOT* WHATS GOING ON HERE AT ALL. IN THE END, “HE MUST PAY.” READ THE FARMER PARABLE AND YOU’LL KNOW THE ENDING. It DOES NOT MATTER WHAT GOOD RED DOES IN THE FIVE YEARS….IN THE END, “HE KNOWS IN HIS HEART THAT HE MUST PAY.”]

In fiction, he believes, tyranny represents “in many respects the extremes of society” and is a “kind of morbid curiosity” in knowing these extremes that impels it.

[DO WE SEE HOW SPADER AND KLATTENHOFF APPROACH THEIR INTERVIEWS? ALL ABOUT THE CRAFT NOT THE STORYLINE. NEVER ABOUT THE STORYLINE BECAUSE PROFESSIONALS LEAVE IT TO THE WRITERS. BUT IF RATINGS SINK BECAUSE OF THOSE CHOICES, THE ACTORS THROW SHADE IN A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE WAY AND SPADER BROUGHT HIS OAK TREE]

The success of his “Red”, the man most wanted by the FBI - who gave himself on the condition of being released and in turn helping to catch criminals on a blacklist - is also due to “luck” On television had come “at a time when anti-heroes were not plentiful.” “Now there’s probably more, though I do not have time to watch TV. I’m too busy doing it,” stresses the interpreter. [HE DOESNT WATCH TV HE DOESNT WATCH BLACKLIST ITS WHY HES NOT ON TWITTER HE GOES SHOOTS HIS SCENES AND GOES HOME. HE DOES NOT HANG OUT WITH ACTORS OR STAFF HE IS LIKE MANY ACTORS WHO PREFER TO AVOID THE SPOTLIGHT EXCEPT WHEN THE DIRECTOR SHOUTS, “ACTION”]

In his house, he says, “there is not a single television yet.” “I’ll move in soon, who knows if there will not be?” Jokes Spader, 57. “I do not know if this is not a paradox … I spend so much time, so many hours, [NOTICE HE KEEPS BRINGING UP HIS SHOOTING SCHEDULE? TRY MEMORIZING HIS DIALOGUE THE WINTER FINALE SHOWCASED SPADER FOR 21 MINUTES. THATS EXCESSIVE. He’d prefer ten maybe 8. 21 MINUTES LEAVES NO ROOM FOR ANYONE ELSE. FANS MAY BE FINE WITH THAT BUT SPADER ISNT. THATS OVERTIME] so many days, weeks and months to live within the television fiction and within the television drama … [SPADER IS TIRED. SPADER WANTS WHAT HE WAS PROMISED IN SEASON 1.I dedicate so much of my life to television as when I do not I’m working, I do not want to waste time with her, "he explains. [Her AS IN HIS GF? I would assume?]

Incidentally, probably not watching the fiction on the small screen is that James Spader does not have a formed and "objective” opinion on the evolution of the industry. “I do not know if I understand the business, I know it’s changing, it’s getting more involved and growing, it’s expanding in a dizzying way, [AND HERE COMES THE OAK TREE TO PROVIDE ENOUGH SHADE TO REACH LOS ANGELES] but it’s very complicated to be aware of what happens if we spend a lot of time working, [WORKING SHOOTING, NO TIME WITH HIS GF OR FAMILY NO TVS IN THE HOUSE DOESNT WATCH THE SHOW NOT ABSORBED IN RED ITS NOT HIM AND HES TIRED OF THE CHAOS-MY BELIEF, THE BAD WRITING. USING HIM TO FIX THE WRITING. USING HIS CHARACTER TO CARRY THE SHOW AND THE IMBALANCE TO THE SHOW] Which is my case, "he explains.

Compared to other NBC hit series such as This Is Us, Chicago Fire, Chicago Justice, or Timeless, [ALL THESE SHOWS HAVE BETTER RATINGS THAN THE BLACKLIST. THATS HOW BAD THE SHOW IS. WHEN ACTOR DOESNT USE THE EXCUSES OH, THERES MORE SHOWS ON TV, WE HAVE A BAD TIME SLOT, THE LIve 7 PPL WATCH-YEAH NO HE MAKES ZERO EXCUSES BECAUSE HE KNOWS.

ITS THE STORY TIER. HE WANTS IT TO GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS WHERE HE HAD LESS OF A SHOOTING SCHEDULE. SO FOR THOSE THAT SCREAM MORE RED AND LIZ AH THATS NOT WHAT SPADER WANTS. HE WANTS LESS.] The Blacklist ranks 13th among the 18 issued by the North American station. But it was once one of the biggest audiences. [BUT IT WAS ONCE ONE OF THE BIGGEST AUDIENCES. RECALL SALKE SAYING THE BLACKLIST IS POPULAR OVERSEAS? RECALL ME SAYING WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE BAD WRITING SHOWS UP? When PRESS DO INTERVIEWS THEY GET TO VIEW THE SEASON EPISODES. THATS WHY THIS INTERVIEW HAS BLACKLIST ON ITS DEATHBED] The fourth season, currently on display in the US, debuted in September last year with 6397 million viewers. The most recent episodes were below five million. [A BLOW INDEED ALL BECAUSE OF TOM PIMPING, ARAM PIMPING, ELISE PIMPING ALEXANDER KIRK PIMPING, SARAM PIMPING KEEN2 PIMPING AND FINALLY PLOT DRIVEN STORY WITHOUT PIMPING THE THREE MAIN LEADS AS THE SMASH CREDITS INDICATE FOR A REASON: RED/LIZ/RESSLER. NO INTERACTION WITH THE MAIN LEADS REFLECTS THE RATINGS-THE WRITERS KNOW WHAT THEY DID THATS WHY THEY ARE SILENT AND SO DO THE ACTORS. CURRENT STORY DIRECTION SINCE 3B KILLED THE SHOW] A blow that has left the doubt in the air: will NBC cancel or renew the story? [TWO MILLION VIEWERS LOST AND COUNTING. EUROPE SENDING THE SIGNAL TO NBC AND THE SHOW:FIX IT]

Spader remains optimistic, and believes that what has so far kept this story on air "is a strange mix of things,” [HERE COMES THAT MASSIVE OAK TREE AGAIN JUST PLANT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WRITERS ROOM OR ON TOP OF EISENDRATH'S DESK] including the fact that screenwriters are in Los Angeles [OMG WRITERS YOU ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE MECHANICS OF NEW YORK AND OF COURSE BY THE TIME NY GETS THE SCRIPTS EDITS HAPPEN ADJUSTMENTS HAPPEN REGULARLY] and recordings take place in New York. “We do not even live our lives at the same time … [HE HATES HIS SHOOTING SCHEDULE DID I MENTION THAT? IF LA IS WRITING AT FOUR PM SPADER AND GANG ARE FILMING AT 7 PM OR 9 pm, OR TEN PM OR SIX AM OR 8 AM TO ACCOMODATE LOS ANGELES AND TO ACCOMODATE A SPIN OFF] The series is strange, sometimes surprising [SOMETIMES SURPRISING IOW HELL GET A GOOD SCRIPT LIKE CAPE MAY OR IN S3 IN MARVIN GERARD BUT MOST OF THE TIME ITS STAGNANT, PREDICTABLE AND PLOT DRIVEN] and intense, sometimes irreverent, [OAK TREE] sometimes passive [PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE] and still volatile.” [IOW IF THEY DO A 180 STORY FLIP BACK TO ITS As DIEGO SAID REGARDING S3 A MAGICAL FORMULA, NOT PLOT DRIVEN BS THE SHOW CAN LAST. BUT HE DOESNT WAX POETIC NOR DOES HE SUGARCOAT THE HYPE AND HE BRINGS UP IRREVERENT SOMETIMES? Yeah look it up. HES NOT HAPPY. ]

On the direction he would like to see the plot follow, [MAN I LOVE THIS YES JAMES WHAT PLOTLINE DO YOU WISH FOR BOKENKAMP AND EISENDRATH TO FOLLOW IM GOING TO GUESS ITS NOT KEEN 2 ITS NOT THE BABY, ITS NOT THIS ISOLATION OF THE LEADS AND HE NEVER MENTIONS RED AND LIZ NOTICE THAT?] the actor only says that “the most satisfying is when there is an abrupt change.” [ABRUPT CHANGE OR AS WE SAY IN THE INDUSTRY A 180 STORY FLIP. End KEEN2, SHAKE THINGS UP GO BACK TO RED/LIZ/RESSLER ENOUGH OF ARAM HES HAD THREE STORYLINES IN ONE YEAR AND TOM HAS HAD THE MOST EXPOSURE THAN ANY ACTOR COMBINED AND WHAT DID THEY GET? LOSS OF ADVERTISING 0.7! KEEP IN MIND IF TBL DEBUTS AT 0.8 ITS TOAST. It needs 1.0 TO STAY IN CONTENTION] “I think we’ve already been successful in that aspect and it was precisely these heights I most liked The Blacklist.”

[OY SPADER IS NOT HAPPY. FANS ARE NOT HAPPY ADVERTISERS AND NETWORK ARE NOT HAPPY AND NOW WRITERS ARE SILENT. FOR SPADER, ITS JUST A PAYCHECK NOW. BETTING ON RE WAS STUPID. GO BACK TO ORIGINAL STORY DIRECTION LIKE I SAID-A 180 STORY FLIP…SEEMS THATS EXACTLY WHAT SPADER WANTS: ABRUPT CHANGE AND IF THEY DONT DO IT AND LEAVE IT LIKE IT IS I DONT THINK HE WILL RENEW HIS CONTRACT BUT CONTINUE TO PLANT THAT MASSIVE OAK TREE .]

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