#it could also be system memories

[mariana-oconnor]

The AO3 search/filtering system has just ruined me for every other search function ever. I genuinely go onto websites, click 'advanced search' and then look at what paltry options they've given me in utter horror. How does anyone find anything? How do people survive?

#AO3 #I'm not saying that I can always find exactly what I'm looking for if I want a specific fic #but 9 times out of 10 I can #And yes this is as much down to the dedication of the users tagging things effectively #If people didn't use the tagging system it would be useless #But people do #and then the tag wranglers make it all work so well #Glory to the tag wranglers #and it's just beautiful #I could weep #Also I'm pretty sure some of the fics I'm looking for have been deleted #Which is tragic #and I can't find them on the wayback machine either #Lost to the abysm of time and now living only in my memory #Alas #alack #alas and alack

[spottedgardeneelstan]

please light a candle for peak lord shen's poor hips and waist.

#svsss #bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #svsss fanart #mxtx #i dont think you can read what's on the system window but sqq is frantically googling 'fast and easy death' and 'memory removal' #i will NEVER learn what lbh's demon mark looks like. i will draw it as whatever i think is appropriate contextually forever #anyway i drew this so i could draw shen-laoshi flushed. #i need him biblically #also because people apparently think that sqq is *not* as obsessed with lbh as lbh is with him. which is SO insanely wrong

[uniquezombiedestiny]

I'd like to know why you are all alone while I'm lost at sea /

Maybe we'll be there when you want

#bella #fc!bella #lc ocs #art #this is from reinhardt's (branch-wdk53) pov! you cant escape him in my art. i cant escape him #link leads to stranded lullaby - the lyrics are also from there :3 #this is around rein's fears about bella being like ryn but is also about the extraction interaction (still love that name) #honestly every piece of this has. so many meanings like. god #let me just redo all this and go through them one by one lmao #the sea: this one's about them being in the same situation. also their issues (the sea will slowly rise; obscuring and drowning them) #it's also about guilt - it can be a blood ocean! the blood of those they let die... #OOOH I JUST NOTICED THIS: bloodbath! since it's a blood sea :3 #the halos: the inner one is halfway just for composition half bc rein sees bella as a good person. the outer (hard to see but) tear-shaped #halo is both a drop in the sea (me when the blood sea! when we've let so many die it no longer matters.) and a noose's opening - #like foos's but metaphorically(? lmao) bella's own suicide by distancing herself from her friends and therefore her help/support system #the black spots: represents rein losing her in a way. he knows what's happening but has no idea how to help. also tied in with his #amnesia/memory loss (totally covered; lost info; yknow). could even be from pain or drowning in the sea! who knows! :3c #...........yeah im normal about these two. you can trust me. #i need to make a bella/ritz piece istg... ive been sleeping on them!!!!!!!! #but. i love these two so much. total of 2 interactions and i made the MOST out of them <3 #also since im naming all these now since i gotta save them to post em: this one is called lost

[birdricks]

doing my anatomy study is fucking torturous bc every time i read some shit like “birds dont have a diaphragm” my brains like “hmmmm…… birdperson…..” and then i end up thinking abt him instead of studying

#it is rlly fun tho. thinking deeply abt alien (bird guy) biology all the time #ok typing this bc its fun and counts as revision. #(if i get anything wrong idgaf. this is from memory) #birds only have tiny kinda rigid lungs so they have a bunch of air sacs instead for air to flow into #and no diaphragm! so they use the intercostal muscles to breathe in and out #which r like the muscles around the ribs #but also means if u squeeze them around the middle they cant breathe #birds also have a kinda weird digestive system due to not having teeth etc #but of course bp .. does. but his diet is similar to that of seed eating birds #we dont see him eat i dont think. ? #its possible he has a mixed style of digestive system.. with a stomach like a human and gizzard like a bird #assuming he just swallows seeds whole without chewing lol #hmmm… id say its probably more likely he just has a proventriculus/gizzard combo and maybe like. a larger proventriculus than normal birds #hard to say. we dont rlly know enough abt his diet ig #altho i imagine it to be omnivorous #also smth fun is birds often swallow stones to help digest seeds. now if he chewed it probably wouldnt be necessary. but think abt it. silly #ok take this w a pinchhh of salt. but diet aside the teeth could be used simply for speech. #i vaguely remember learning abt that in language. #also he does Canonically have a cloaca ! wont go into that rn. but hmmm. much to think abt. #basiclaly bp pussy reallllll #kinda. #in the ways that matter ! #oooooh what else. #ooooh. yes. birds dont have vocal chords. they have a syrinx for vocalisation #but of coursee bp can talk. #butttt there are birds that can imitate human speech. so its possible bp just uses similar techniques for speech #but it also gives him a far greater control over his voice than most … making him perfect as the lead singer :] #oh and ummm. he veryyyy likely has hollow bones. so even tho hes huge hes deceptively light. TEE HEE #ok thats it. i need to actaully revise this shit now LOL #but ooohhgghhhg. i need him.

[puppyeared]

does anyone else feel like they could be a really really good tour guide if the memory problems didnt exist

#LISTEN. LISTEN I COULD RAMBLE TO YOU FOREVER ABOUT MY CITY. I REALLY COULD #BUT MY MEMORY IS ASS AND I KNOW I WOULD END HALF OF MY SENTENCES WITH 'BUT THATS JUST ME' 😭😭 #i would hate myself for misremembering something and passing on that information. and even more embarrassed if someone corrected me in fron #of a group of people.. i mean i guess its not realistic to know everything about everything but still a little embarrassing #but like seriously.. i could tell you about the weird public art sculptures. i could tell you about the local cryptid sighting from the 70s #i could tell you about the weather and public transportation system. i could tell you about the weird underground walkway #pretend im grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you back and forth because i would have so much fun doing that. UGH #on a similar note its also really fun to go through atlas obscura and wonder how tf some of these dont get more attention. like i get that #popular attractions would be more worthwhile. i tend to go for museums and aquariums whenever im visiting somewhere #but idk i think it would be cool to chill in an abandoned train station or popular skate park. shrugs #i seriously need to get out more. sigh #i showed crow pictures of it snowing hard this morning and they were flabbergasted that its like -5 degrees here lol #yapping #txt

[thorarms]

The loki series is fascinating to me in that it says so much more about the writers than it ever could about loki himself

#its difficult to put into words exactly what it is that makes it Like That #like the way the writing feels so oblivious to any of the big concepts or archetypes in the story #and it misses the mark so badly with them. i could do a full rant JUST about how misused the trickster archetype was #the morals are all over the place too with the tva #like ok so the tva is Bad and Fascist or whatever and theres a ton of stylised propaganda lying about #that specifically invokes big brother esque comparisons. but also theres a shot of mobius bathed in angelic light in a church with a halo?? #like mobius is portrayed as one of the good guys in a bad system. he even has a whole bit about finding 'his own glorious purpose' #which im not even gonna touch that rn #he lies to loki. manipulates him. locks him in a room and forces him to replay a shitty memory over and over till he breaks down #and the show frames this as good?? as loki getting what he deserves to induce character development?? #i havent even gotten to sylvie yet. and i wont here bc this is already way too long #loki series critical

[glambots]

Okay, so I know this is probably NOT how it's going to go at all, but I think a really, really interesting take for the Ruins DLC (or just A Post-Fire AU in-general), would be for the fire itself to have snapped the animatronics out of the viruses hold. Like, the sheer damage or security/self-preservation protocols it instills straight up is enough to short circuit the virus and snap them all back to reality.

Imagine the horror of finding out what they've done, what they've been forced to endure, and what's happened to their home all because someone had control over their bodies and minds and it took an entire fucking fire bringing the building down to free them from it. Ouugh.

#im thinking mostly about roxanne losing her face in the ruins dlc #oh god poor roxy #monty looking down at his half body and wondering what the hell happened to him #dj waking up from bouncer mode with no memory of what happened once he fell asleep and why he's suddenly so broken #chica panicking at her sudden inability to speak and the fact that she's all burned and broken #sun and moon going through the trauma of their system fighting for control for each side while being slowly burned alive #man this shit gonna hurt!!!! #i mean theyre probably all still in virus mode in the dlc but could you fucking imagine!!!! #ALSO WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO FREDDY #WHERE IS MY DAD. WHERE IS MY FATHER. #i care not for the potential 'new villain' nonsense i just Want My Dad

[vampire6bux]

everyone calls me Ñ because i have all of the spanish language knowledge lol

#i hold those memories or what not … #spanish was not difficult for us to learn simply because of all of the loanwords in filipino #filipino is kind of a mix of English and Tagalog and Spanish but the different between Filipino and Tagalog is not strong anyways #there are many Spanish loan words also #Spanish heavily influenced the filipino language vocabulary #yeah ok so a lot of the words are very similar but the grammar is veryyy different for sure #the language itself isn’t similar to Spanish at all but the loan words make it easier and besides most of the time people use English words #distinction. i forgot where I was going… i ramble and lose my train of thought a lot #other Filipino languages have a higher Spanish likeness like cebuano #you could use Spanish words to like order at a Filipino restaraunt basically most of the time #just walk in and say bizkotse salamat po #30% of tk e language had Spanish roots? I think that’s the right number #that being said most native speakers don’t even recognize the difference between Filipino & Tagalog its more often just an academic- #when speaking Filipino … #me when the Phillipines were colonized by Spain … #333 year colonization… #oh yeah people call me Ñ also because codex’s husband’s system has an N also. wow that felt weird to say #when i talk to thon i call thon nitrogen lol #-Ñ

[chaos-in-one]

Any idea how to find system focused spaces to join? Things like discord servers (although I’m wary with that due to past bad experience w/ discord servers ngl), websites, anything like that Honestly I just want to meet more people who share experiences with me and have actual conversations with them, I only talk to a handful of people atm and most of them are really busy so I am missing human interaction rn too

Before anyone asks, I don’t particularly care about syscourse stance of said spaces, as long as they’re chill with people who don’t overtly fit into anti or pro endo. I’m cool w/ being in any side of spaces other than that. Preferably though, more inclusive spaces when it comes to things like lgbtq+ identities because several alters in our system have ‘contradictory’ or otherwise lesser accepted labels so obviously I’m not gonna feel welcome in a space that doesn’t welcome me or anyone else here’s gender & orientation

#also PLEASE do not give me anything w shit like rules about what introjects can speak or introject dnis #I will not censor me or any other alters existence on the basis of things we cannot control being like that #I also don't do well with hyperspecific censoring rules because I have shit memory and will not remember to censor more common things easily #I know that leaves not many discord servers I could join but thats alright #would rather have less options and feel comfortable than force myself to feel uncomfortable to give myself more options #system #osdd system #plural #actually plural #actually osdd #actually dissociative #plural community #pluralgang #did osdd #system community

[absensia]

just now remembering how much Lessons in Chemistry resonated with Char while I was watching it, and for none of the actual narrative reasons that the show's drama followed along. it was, of course, the premise taking advantage of the clear but seldom romanticized intersection between cooking and chemistry; it was the details, such as: Elizabeth destroying her kitchen and renovating it to function as a chemistry lab and kitchen, her making coffee using lab - ware, her treating cooking like an experiment and her chemistry experiments like life-sustaining cuisine, it was her sometimes getting poor results despite doing everything "right" by the science protocol or recipe because sometimes chaos bubbles just out of our control.

#Char learned to bake and cook simultaneously #she also (at the same time) learned to cook up explosive materials / various remedies and medications / poisons and irritants to the senses #she has always been keen on chemistry (and all its various forms/applications) and she's got the brains for it ... #... but she also still very much struggles with memory issues and chemistry (among other subjects) has given some of the most trouble ... #... in terms of not only understanding + retaining the information but actually keeping the info correct in her head #as with most things - Char learns and works best hands - on. if she seems to have a certain chemical reaction down pat it's because ... #... she's gone through and done the reaction COUNTLESS times /physically/ in the lab + then worked those actions backwards in her mind to . #... solidify the reaction in her memory/mind. #it took her forever to get the concept of chirality down because she just COULD NOT keep the visuals of it stable in her head #WHY she's so drawn to chemistry is a whole other thing tho; not overly complicated but still ... a Thing <3 #our dearest and most damnable charlotte. #an isolated system.

[samarecharm]

Got a used ps4 controller so now i can revisit my ng+ for p5 FOR REALS

#chattin #i forgot that i had let my cousin borrow it #bc like. i was sure i wasnt going to be playing anything on that system #and he had broken his controller. and unlike me; that was the only way he could play online #its been two years and i literally forgot i did that. i am NOT going to be the cousin whos like um. sweetie… my controller ? #so i got a used one. now i can play :) #i miss my boys…. #i got morgana ann and ryujis second awakening but no one else #i was REAL close to getting yusukes but weh. i didnt have the time in that save to keep going #so hopefully i can get the others done in this run #also hopefully it will help w solidifying some neat details my brain forgot #alot of the ohya stuff is completely blank for me #like i remember her being weird and annoying. #but i am sure im pulling from my annoyance during that point in the game #bc i also remember REALLY hating goro. and that only changed like a year after playing #if i relied on my initial memories from the game id still hate him is what i am saying. lol

[quietwingsinthesky]

even has much angst about many things but the two they do not have any issues with are 1) being a test tube baby until they were adult-sized and 2) the master having swapped out various organs. and bones. and limbs. for parts that work when theirs got damaged beyond repair. usually without their consent. sometimes without their prior knowledge that he could do so. to be fair, that’s mostly because these things tend to accompany a fair amount of blood loss and unconsciousness.

#like. the things around these might bother them but that these happened to them don’t upset them. #much later in life they can go oh! it was kind of fucked up that my first memories are being put to work in waste disposal rather than. idk. #being a child. but it’s not the loss of being a child part that upsets them because they just. don’t really have a frame of reference for #that? they got plenty of childlike wonder into their system vibing with the doctor they don’t feel like they missed anything. #(and also children are small. and powerless. and even is probably more than a little scared by the idea that they ever could have been more #that then they already are.) #and the organ replacements DID happen without them saying the master could do that but like. its not like he hid it. they’re aware it’s #happening and option B was Death. and not their chosen Death By Master. instead just random Death By Organ Puncturing. #if he didn’t tell them he was doing it they’d probably be more upset about it. which. i mean that information could mean anything. #i could be alluding to anything when i say that. potentially. #could be setting up. any number of conflicts. who’s to say. where was i going with this. #dw oc

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life #i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly #but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand #many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts #but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min #i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee #tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words #problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not #hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important #info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in #discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry #too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read #so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted #i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful #bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam #thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes #i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere #its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle #and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment: #intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate #also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony #but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis #lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt #built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source #unrelated #also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out #thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray

[i-bring-crack]

Jinhae Exes AU not in the "ones of us cheated" or "it was all a big misunderstanding that separated us" kind of way.

But in the "one of us realized the world is significantly different than what we were thought to believe and now we are fighting in different sides of the war and I still love you but I think I'm right in this ideology game and just want the other to understand and come back please—"

#i just remembered i also had that idea before in a oneshot wip #never truly finished even though it was going to be hella fun #i also kinda made the fic be platonic in ao3 rather than romantic #i mean i like my jinhae #but #platonic AND soulmates AND m/f friendships are just 'MA HEART' #anyways the whole love wouldnt have been different. #like they still love each other minus the kissing and secc #Anyways the plot was about Haein recovering her memories of the past timeline and looking for jinwoo in order to help him defeat the #denizens of chaos aka beasts and their monarchs or just the monarch and their armies #Jinwoo wasnt looking for any help but was kinda lonely that he just kindof accepted the company from Haein and gave her a system on her own #so that she too could become just as strong as her. At this point they also like 'know'they both like each other bc they both did go on a #date but they never truly met one another so they do have a crush but they decide to take it slow and just become friends first. I mean they #have literally have 27 years in this world to spend so might as well try to know each other first. #Haein isnt quick to open up about her problems tho and neither is Jinwoo quick to say ALL that he suffered for the past 4 years as a hunter #including the system's mess #so they often explore more about the world and talk about the monsters than their problems first #That is until Haein is like 19. both have passed like 6 years toguether only trying to find where the monarchs are hi #hidding as well as destroying possible civilizations that could be useful inside the shadow army. #most of the beasts are agreesive towards them too so they kill them without any regards. #and then they finally get to find the first intelligent beings in this world. The demon race. Haein already from the name alone knows they #(also yes the demon race is still alive in this AU) #but jinwoo stops her and she is just huh? we arent killing these demons? #'nope we are killing all of them except this clan' #and Haein obeys but. like. is so confused. #hen when the radir family throws them a banquet. pretty things and events happen and Haein gets the chance to talk to Esil who in turn is #very chatty so she gets to hear a lot about the story of demons and their lives outside of it. #solo leveling #jinhae

[countdown-til-sanders-take-over]

So hows it going 😀

TMAGP 7 is a WILD ride

#First we're already starting off with the end of tmagp 6 with Celia Ripley being the new hire #(And having the same voice actress as a extremely side tma character who started calling herself Celia post-change) #Then you get fucking hit with #“I mean it's an old system but it could have been worse. It's not like we're wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders.” #AND CELIA ASKING IF THERE'S A WAY TO SEARCH FOR SPECIFIC THINGS. LIKE BEING BURIED ALIVE OR MEAT. #I.E. THE BURIED AND THE FLESH #I'm much more inclined to believe that the Celia's memories are seeping into each other than bit characters full on universe hopping #(Oh yeah The Magnus Protocol is set in a world that's parallel to The Magnus Archives; not technically a direct sequel) #[But like they are chronologically. I think.] #Anyway CELIA KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP #And you'd think things might calm down with today's incident report; it's just Chester (“ai”/“automated voice” also voiced by Jonathan Sims #[who voices character Jonathan Sims. Creative genius we know.] #with another internet-based statement #(HE'S TRAPPED IN THE FUCKING WEB) #Except know it's about a charity shop ON HILLTOP ROAD #For context: EVERY ELDRITCH ENTITY AND THEIR MOTHER FUCK AROUND WITH HILLTOP ROAD #PRIMARILY THE AFOREMENTIONED WEB #WHICH HARBORED THE MESSIAH OF THE CULT OF THE LIGHTLESS FLAME #AND THE CHARITY SHOP *BURNED DOWN* BY THE END OF THE INCIDENT REPORT #We then cut to the other new hire Sam going to talk to Colin the IT guy #Colin's definitely going to be the first to die he's in DEEP in trying to understand the mess of of system that is the OIAR #And he's been adamant against Alice giving the computers any sense of a personality #And what does Sam go to ask Colin? WHO JON IS #BECUASE HE GOT A NONSENSICAL EMAIL FROM A RANDOM USER WHO CALLED HIMSELF JON BUT IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS AN INTERNAL EMAIL #Obviously Colin's to steeped in paranoia to react well to anything; but what is he hung up on? #That Sam brought his phone into the IT room; and that “it” has probably recorded too much already *!!!!!!!* #Oh and also their boss was like contracted to kill a guy but she failed and Gwen is using a video of it to blackmail her #tmagp spoilers

[oldtvandcomics]

One of the things I wish that people working with marginalized individuals would understand - and I have run into this many times myself - is this constant awareness, not survivor's guilt, not really and not always, but this awareness of just how worse our situation could have been, and how the only thing standing between that and this is dumb luck.

Dear Mme No Doubt Very Kind Social Worker Whom I Like Very Much (and I do, this is always coming from the kindest people). Do you ever have these discussions with friends that start out as a normal chit-chat about everyday things and then devolves into a discussion about how dead you'd both be under an ever-so-slightly less accepting political regime? Because if not, then I honestly don't think that you understand a very important part of my reality.

When I talk about the others, and how lucky and privileged I am, I am not "putting myself down", I am making a reasonable comparison. When I say that I feel bad for getting things that others are not getting despite needing them more, then that is because I literally see people with problems that are clearly more serious than mine not getting the help I get. "But everyone has different problems why are you comparing your struggles to..." Because we receive the same government support. Hope this helps.

#post made in memory of a conversation just like this I had earlier with a friend #dedicated to the OTHER conversation I had on Friday with a social worker #and also last Tuesday #and many times before #I honestly don't think that it is possible to understand how aware you get of your luck and privilege if you are not in this boat #like you WILL be able to tell exactly how and why you'd be dead under various other systems #and which instances of luck and privilege make it that you are not #not to bring in fandom nonsense but this is IMO the way people should go with Mordred in the King Arthur legend #there are a million and one versions of him turning dark and why #but this awareness of how easily his life could have been Hell if only his mother was a servant and not a princess? #yeah that is enough to turn anyone into a villain #personal #mental health #actually disabled