#it isn't that your life sucks

[xoxoemynn]

I know it shouldn't surprise me, but it's frustrating af to step outside the fandom and read about OFMD's cancellation on more general entertainment sites and see the majority of reactions be along the lines of "oh well it was probably Taika being over it, he always gave me the ick anyway so, whatever," and then often devolving into comments about his personal life, or conspiracy theories that can be disproven if you use your brains for 30 seconds or maybe step outside and touch grass idk idk.

And this isn't me saying "omg how could you dislike Taika" bc truly unless you're being racist or antisemitic (which, let's be real, many are), I don't give a fuck what you think about him.

But the point remains that if you have a show that is all about celebrating queer joy and finding yourself later in life, that has a diverse cast of characters in terms of race, ethnicity, sexuality, and body type, that was WRITTEN by a diverse group of writers, that is receiving praise from critics and fans alike, that from all reports was one of Max's most successful shows despite them doing next to no promotion the first season, that had two successful seasons and the creator is on the record saying he had a plan to tell the entire story in three, and it gets CANCELED.

I don't give a fuck how you feel about Taika, or how you feel about OFMD. You SHOULD be concerned about that. Because your show is next.

And before you come at me with "it's just a show, have you seen what's happening in the world?" Yeah. I fucking have. And the arts matter. They have always mattered. It's how we've shared stories and fostered communities and passed down what's important to us as a society. And they've brought us joy. And I don't know about you, but I think we could all do with a fuckton more joy in our lives.

This is absolutely a huge loss, and unfortunately it's not going to be the last as streaming services continue to go deeper in crisis. If that doesn't concern you, idk, go enjoy yourself watching season 47 of The Bachelor.

#also truly if you're going to come on here and immediately start spouting the very nonsense I described above #kindly get fucked #and then do something productive with your life like calling your representatives or donating or going to a protest #you being a dick to people who are upset isn't going to do anything #your smug self-righteousness isn't going to save the world #the world sucks and people should be allowed to experience joy by watching a show where they feel represented #and anyway if you try it on this post or in my inbox I won't be engaging I'll just be blocking #so you're wasting both of our times #byeeeee!!! #ofmd

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

#positivity #yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself #i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because... #...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting... #...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum #even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise #i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it #and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art #so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!! #(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive) #(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour) #(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously) #(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!) #(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)

[prncewilhelm]

craaazy that some of you are so determined he stays within the mould when the entire show is chronicling him breaking out of it 

#it fills in when he takes the role of crown prince after erik's death #and slowly becomes more rough until it's entirely not in the lines anymore #like season 3's logo #young royals #yr s3 spoilers #spoilers #no one yell at me i'm tagging everything #young royals season 3 spoilers #as someone who has grown up working class w a monarchy that sucks the living daylights out of my country #and has caused so much systemic oppression and created the class system that only widens the wealth gap as time moves on #i'm really exhausted by having to explain that wille being a queer king isn't a progressive thing #and that yah this is a tv show but it presents you an opportunity to #rewire your thinking about real life situations and the actual class system #the people at the top are still oppressive even if they're gay #imperialism is still imperialism even if you let gay people go to war #go read red white and royal blue if you want your gay royal fantasy #this is literally a show about the class system #and how historical systems that are held up by institutions like the monarchy #are a bad thing #and can never be progressive #even if you rainbow wash it

[bitimdrake]

i can't remember if i've already made this post so sorry if i'm repeating myself, but that bit about treating pit madness (which is, to clarify for those unsure since i know it's hard to tell, not a real comics thing and only relevant in discussions of fanon) as absolutely separate from the person suffering from it (which is always jason, though again, not a remotely canon thing) has reminded me of my hyper specific yet horrifically common pit madness sub-pet peeve:

fics where Jason is one of the good guys again, for whatever that means, but he's still suffering from pit madness (which is made up fanon), which he is fully aware of and theoretically struggling against....while being a vigilante.

and no one. not a goddamn soul. brings up how this is obscenely, dangerously irresponsible.

the pit madness (of which there is no such thing) is treated as so absolutely separate from jason himself, so utterly external in its cause, that neither a single character in the narrative nor the narrative itself notices that jason actually has a lot of responsibility here.

that like. if he knows he has 'pit madness' (which is fanon). and he knows sometimes he goes into violent rages. and that in those violent rages he does bad stuff he doesn't like. and then he knowingly puts himself in situations that trigger that.

....he is in fact 100% to blame for everything he does while pit mad (not real). How little control he has in the moment doesn't change that in the slightest.

#* #*dc #dc #dc meta #jason todd #except instead all the characters are like aww poor jason #he has magic murder rage and went to confront people he hates #and then he accidentally did much violence! #poor guy! what a hapless victim of magic mountain dew! who could have forseen this! #anyway sorry that life isn't always fair cause it sucks. but what is your fault =/= what is your responsibility

[oathkeeperoxas]

So @frostbitebakery tagged me in a last line meme, but in the spirit of six sentence sunday I am instead posting the last six paragraphs I wrote because I think they're chewy and tasty and deserve to be seen and likely otherwise won't be. Thanks Frost!

And Ice in turn looks undeniably, deeply sad. Not grieving or mauldin or hopeless or another dozen emotions that Maverick has seen of him that are shades of that feeling, but simply, obviously, incredibly unhappy. Ice carries an dissatisfaction inside him – different to the one that Maverick has, the one that has him burning like a star coming through the stratosphere, but there all the same – and there’s an underlying sorrow that accompanies that, always, but that’s not what this is. Now, he’s just sad, and Maverick has done that to him.  “We tried, didn’t we?” Ice asks, and somehow, even through that sadness, he smiles. Maverick wants to claw through the suddenly huge chasm of distance between them and cup his face in his hands, turn that smile into a true laugh, to make everything right again. To do anything to make Ice happy again. It’s intolerable that anyone hurt Ice. Even him. Maybe especially him. “Yeah,” Maverick says through a thick throat, voice catching. “We gave it a red hot go.”  “I still would do it,” Ice says, eyes deep, seeing, knowing. Not moving from Maverick’s face. Like he wants to savour every second left they have together. “I’d still want to try, even if I knew we couldn’t make it work. I’d still want to know what I know of you, Mav.”  And it hurts like a bitch. Like Ice has stood up and suckerpunched the air out of him, except that would only be a physical pain, and this one instead scours itself deep onto Maverick’s heart. “You can’t say shit like that,” Maverick says, breathless, almost choking on his grief, and Ice closes his eyes, that shade of a smile disappearing from his face. Now, he just looks tired.  “It’s the truth,” he insists. “I don’t usually get to tell the truth, but I’m not going to avoid it here. Even if it was only for a summer – I’d want you to be mine.” 

#icemav #still interrogating these characters. this is a bit of an exploration piece instead of part of a fic but still so delicious #anyway. breaking up due to circumstances out of your control. wanting so so bad for things to be different. but they can't be. #how do you act and how do you feel and what do you say... #mine #my writing #I think Ice has the itch of never being good enough despite what anyone says - he has to prove it to himself but never quite manages #which is what drives a lot of his behaviour in so aggressively following the rules and being at the top #chasing a career as a form of finally trying to be happy with who he is and what he's done with his life and then oops #turns out that letting someone / something (the navy) dictate your life path isn't the way to being happy. sucks man. #go and kiss the man you've been pining for for 30 years about it #anyway that's not totally relevant to this snippet but thinking about character motivations and i think that ice is just. depressed. #lowkey about it. but it's there. and it's never going to entirely go away

[chemdisaster]

god i can't fucking stand people who come into a community having an issue with someone and decide to make it everyone else's problem. as someone who's been both the victim and the server owner forced to sort through their dirty laundry - quit trying to guilt mods into banning people you don't like. quit asking them to be the judge and jury of your interpersonal issues. you are on the internet. you have a block button. use it. the world doesn't fucking revolve around you.

#prattledisaster #once a-fucking-gain. a mod's responsibility is to keep the general peace and deal with misconduct within whatever community they're modding #not to get sucked into playing justice because someone never learnt how to set their own boundaries and avoid people who make them upset #for the third fucking time - i'm not your goddamn mother #this isn't a playground #this isn't school #no one's gonna hold your hand and call the parents of the kids who upset you #because we all know that the real problem isn't the existence of that person on the outskirts of your life #the real problem is that you want everyone to hate them as much as you do #it's social power and ostracization and the game of who's more well-liked all over again #so shut the fuck up and keep your shit to yourself #for god's sake

[recitedemise]

𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝗵𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱. This, beyond being a testament to his softer heart, his rather sizable well of care, is a consequence of his time shared with Mystra. Being a worshipper, a follower and lover both to the mother of magic, Gale is far more familiar with giving than receiving. A tremendous deal more. Beyond those illusions of love, Mystra granted him nothing, and whenever she was troubled, even sour or short, it was Gale, doting Gale, who would smooth it out. In truth, short of the stars, he had offered her everything. His whole life to boot. Still, living for some years prioritizing Mystra, Gale's grown notably reluctant to ask for help. It's why, when strapped with the netherese orb, newly blighted and rotting to death, he'd sooner clamored in his tower than look to friends. He's loathed to show his folly, of course, and is far from a fan of stirring worry, but with Mystra, any ask he'd made was resolutely shunned, and from his lover, his deity, that left its mark. Gale--a giver, a man that wants to hope but doesn't dare to--is not a man to ask for anything. If ever he does, the ask is comically small, and even then, he expects to be denied almost immediately. Consequently, an eager kindness leaves him floored. Gale can read displeasure. (See: Mystra.) Gale's trained to soothe it, too. Yet, when confronted with the novelty of that same generosity, your resident Gale of Waterdeep is like a fish out of water.

#HEADCANON. #This hit home because I know too intimately what Gale went through. #God. It sucks. Gale is so attuned to Mystra and her periods of distance and #her cold demeanor. #He just learned to go right into tell me what I can do to make it better mode. #I think Gale isn't really the best at reading or catching social cues #but he's very aware when someone is upset. #He had to learn because god forbid he failed to recognize something and receive less warmth from Mystra #(she isn't exactly warm to begin with.) #she was just largely neglectful of Gale and Gale was convinced it was love #he showed so much of it and so much warmth and...kinda felt being chosen by her #was enough of an expression of love on Mystra's part (it isn't!). #Gale also only asking for help from YOU because he knows you deserve to know #because hiding it would be a danger to others around him. #Like Gale truly asked for no ones hand before the nautiloid incident. he had to be quite literally #torn from his life and freefall into another disaster before even asking for help #a small ask too. This man is like hey can I have your UTTERLY useless necklace so I don't die? i'm so sorry i'm such an inconvenience #fuck. Gale. Gale...baby.... #Literally you go 'children shouldn't die' (arabella) and he's all you're such a decent person...i trust you #???? honestly. need i say more. #anyway idk if ill write much today beyond this. im DROWNING in work and i have to prep for an event tomorrow #so you can just frown with me about gale #Me writing about Mystra: wow theyre a lot like my abuser. 🥲🥲🥲🥲hauew..a..

[satari-raine]

Sometimes I really wish I could give everyone countless dollars (or insert your relevant currency here) to go enjoy the things they want to enjoy and get the things they want to get, be it wants or needs. I'd do it in a heartbeat if I could.

#Satari rambles #To delete later probably #Seeing people upset about the chaos that was getting Sleep Token tickets mainly inspiring this #But also it just sucks to have to spend all of your time and money on surviving and not being able to indulge #This isn't too say people who can should feel guilty #Not at all #Everyone should be free to enjoy what they want with no shame #I just hate that it's so hard for that enjoyment of experiences and possessions to be universal #Granted I'm also struggling to find a job and pay bills #Like hell I can afford concert tickets even if they are in my state #Sorry this is really dumb I just #Giving everyone a virtual hug right now who is struggling with the hell that is a life with and without money

[cluescorner]

Some people: Kaeya’s bio father is an abusive monster who abandoned his son in order to achieve his own selfish goals. He is an evil man who deserves everything awful that might happen to him. 

Other people: Kaeya’s bio father did the right thing and leaving Kaeya in Mondstadt was the only way to give him a halfway-decent life. He is a better father than he is given credit for and should not be as hated as he is. 

Me: Kaeya’s bio father is integral to the general ‘war is hell and bad choices can reverberate across time’ thing that Genshin seems to be going for. He made unethical choices, but mostly because the ONLY OPTIONS HE HAD WERE UNETHICAL. If our understanding of the Alberich’s role in Khaenri’ah is accurate, General Alberich (my name for him until stated otherwise) was suddenly in charge of a hopeless and dead kingdom which begged to be saved. Assuming that there was a reason Kaeya specifically was chosen for this mission, General Alberich was forced into a position where he needed to choose between the lives/future of every Khaenri’an vs the life and future of his young son. Abandoning either is an awful thing to do and a horrible decision, but the bad decisions of Celestia and Rhinedottir have led to a scenario where General Alberich can only make bad decisions. In the end, he chose to prioritize his people and made his young son into a spy. We do not know the process for this, but knowing how much Hoyoverse loves to torment people (especially Khaenri’ans) we can assume that this process was horrific for Kaeya and could definitely be considered abuse. General Alberich is effectively making his son into a child soldier for a war that the majority of people never wanted or asked for, and one Kaeya was likely far too young to understand. At least, until he was forced to grow up far too quickly in order to fulfill his duty. General Alberich likely loathed everything about what was happening and even in his last moments with his son he asks for forgiveness. He knows that what he is doing is wrong, but to turn back now is to both abandon his subjects and make everything that happened to Kaeya in order to turn him into a child spy be for nothing. So yeah, General Alberich is a terrible person who made horrible choices. But war and the bad actions of others have created a situation where he has nothing BUT horrible choices and where being a terrible person is the only thing he can be. And that’s without considering how the curse/abyssal corruption could impact the scenario. 

#idk #I just think that Kaeya's father is kinda an Asgore situation #where the only decisions he could possibly make were awful and unethical ones but choosing neither would create an even worse outcome #also I want to clarify that both of the other interpretations that I parroted before giving my own thoughts are valid #because we are working with such limited information and yeah no shit people are gonna have differing thoughts #people have differing beliefs and perspectives on things which are CANONICALLY CONFIRMED to be clear situations with lots of info about it #so of course people are going to go in like 80 different directions with his character #BECAUSE WE HAVE NEXT TO NOTHING TO GO OFF OF #and basically every interpretation of him I've seen is pretty reasonable #Like yeah man's son is a child spy who was abandoned in a far away country for the purpose of being a spy for Khaenri'ah's interests #thinking that he was an abusive asshole isn't exactly unreasonable #nor is it unreasonable to believe that he was actually a decent man who left his son in Mondstadt as the 'only hope' of Khaenri'ah #because he just wanted Kaeya to live on and have a life outside of the Abyss #and Kaeya was mistaken when he thought he was simply being left behind as a pawn #Genshin is no stranger to unreliable narrators and this wouldn't be the first time a character story wildly mischaracterizes something #so like...both of those interpretations are valid #and pretty fair ones as well #But I think that it really is like an Asgore situation where yeah this guy sucks and he is an awful person who made so many bad choices #But also was left with nothing BUT bad choices through war and grief and other factors that were genuinely outside of his control #Sacrifice your son's childhood and happiness by forcing him to be a child spy and abandoning him in the middle of a deadly storm #or let your people (including yourself) rot away into nothingness while facing a fate worse than death while they all but scream to be saved #there are no good options #kaeya's father #don't take this too seriously I just really liked Undertale when I was younger and I'm getting Asgore vibes from General Alberich

[embarressment-erradicated]

seeing people not from america learn about how weird this place is is just... so hilarious.

I'm mean we might be on the brink of a dictatorship and or total governmental collapse 24/7 but like...

atleast we can have 3 car dealer ships right next to each other, cause despite what you might think, that's the most profitable place to put them, even with all the other competition.

I kid you not however, I once saw 3 spirit halloweens in or around the same mall.

#also canadians you are not fucking excluded from this either #your country still sucks #sometimes in different ways #but like it isn't the holy land or some shit #it's still an incredibly flawed place #though I might prefer living there over america soon #lol #I say lol but #actively fearing for my life #and the life of everyone I know and love! #heh

[yepthatsacowalright]

I really appreciated the video Julien Solomita posted recently (an edited part of one of his Twitch streams) where he talked about online creators leaving the public eye. Specifically these bits really struck me: "I think it's hard for some people to imagine what a person goes through with years kind of compounded of doing something like that in such a public way. You see a little bit of it, right? Like you see videos, and you see posts, and you see some appearances and it's the tip of the iceberg, but not only are you not seeing the other things that happen that make that machine run and that make it all possible, but...you also aren't experiencing the toll that someone has to pay." "There's always a cost... I think what people are starting to realize when they see creators leave is what that cost looks like. For different people it is a different cost...but there's like...an overarching similarity with that cost. There's like a common denominator, which is like it's kind of part of your soul. You're kind of giving a part of yourself to make yourself available in content for the world, and after doing that for a long time it can sometimes, I think, feel like you've forgotten what it feels like to just be a person." It reminded me of a lot of things currently on my mind, including the post John Green made a while ago about what he gained and what he lost as a successful author and YouTuber. More and more I feel like the creative people I admire most all end up feeling this way, and it has me so conflicted and stuck. I used to think what would ultimately hold me back creatively would be fears that I'm not good enough, or that no one would care what I have to say or share, but that's not it. I mean, those are worries, sure, but they aren't enough to stop me. No, what stops me is wondering if I am good enough. If people would care about what I say or share. Because then I would have to pay that toll. Something equal to what I gained would be taken from me, and I would never be able to undo it. I would never stop being The Person Who Did That. I will have no choice but to live with all positives and negatives that unfurl as a result. I would have to continue to do it to maintain the income and the success. Parts of me would not be mine anymore, and what happens to them out in the world would be out of my control forever after. There's something much more terrifying and haunting in that potential outcome. I just still deeply do not know how to reconcile the desire to make a creative, meaningful impact on the world, and the desire to protect what matters to me. It doesn't feel like these should be the only two options. I wish there were more.

#additionally i do think capitalism purposefully exacerbates this #it wants you to believe that as long as you're making buckets of money you're automatically happy #except that isn't how it works #but you can't be successful and point that out because now you're ungrateful #so you just have to only speak about how great your life is and never ever admit how it also sucks major ass #and you must always feel guilty about the fact that so many people have much less than you and always will because the system #the same system you are benefiting from #the same system you have no choice but to be grateful for even when you don't feel grateful for it #makes it so #also when julien said 'sidenote: go to therapy. if you can go to therapy.' i felt that #julien solomita #jenna marbles #content creators #content creation #twitch #youtube #fame

[inspector-montoya-fox]

like what the fuck did they want Sly to do in ancient Egypt exactly? snort sand and get his brain pulled out of his nostril ?

#thinking about TiT is so exhausting like it always sucks the life out of me one way or another isn't that crazy #how was your weekend? hope it was great and relaxing. don't forget to drink plenty of water #anyway i don't want to entertain the idea but what exactly was their plan if Sony was like “TiT was a major success make another one” #if Sony was like “TiT was finger-lickin' good pls make another one Sanzaru plssss!!!” #if Sony was like “guys you really saved the videogame world with TiT and it's like practically the new bible now so...” #HAHAHAHAHAHAHA #AND TO THINK they went on to make Sonic Boom or whatever the fuck HAHAHAHAHAHAHA #i'm such an unserious lil goofball it's crazy man

[sortanonymous]

Just remembered this one comment I had on AO3 (kinda forgot the fic) and now I can't stop imagining Elfilis as Elvis Presley.

#kirby #kirby memes #fecto elfilis #kirby elfilis #elfilis #elvis presley #elvis presely memes #kirby and the forgotten land #this is like by far the most i've ever gotten from elfilis's existence and to say it isn't close would be an understatement #they should have taken up being a rockstar instead of a ruthless monster and mediocre final boss #okay i'll stop the elf hot takes for a bit now #if i could draw for crap i'd totally draw elfilis doing elvis cosplay #maybe even replacing elvis with elfilis on the covers of those songs #btw those are still the only elvis songs i really know about #apart from blue christmas mainly because my mom likes singing it in intentionally off-key ways during the holidays #i guess i inherited more from her than i thought but that's a different story #i may send an ask to someone about this but i can't help but feel bad sending any asks to artists just 'cause my skills suck #oh yeah also i've never heard “jailhouse rock” i just know about it but just move on with your life anyway #move on from imagining elfilis having a past as a rockstar before going psycho and becoming a murderous monster

[luv-assangiebatch]

Errr okay I'm embarrassed to say I had to do some quick research on what happened to the real Julian and well...let's just say I didn't find great news. Some of it was completely cringey and awful. However, there are two sides to a story and all that, so I'm willing to extend some benefit of the doubt. Dude has been through a lot of craziness, so I honestly can't imagine what that sort of confinement and stress does to a person.

However, I still want to gush and obsess over my TFE Assangiebatch. I just find him so incredibly enchanting (that accent, that hair, those adorable goofy smirks, that confidence, that cockiness, his elusive mystery, gaaaahhhhh 😭) and the movie is baller. But I may have to further disassociate him from his real-life muse and put him into another AU. I've been pondering a PrecisionMed!AU so maybe I will have to explore that further...(more computer programming, add some genetics [yessss], minus the politics and journalism)

#fictional character crap #leave it to me to latch onto the difficult ones #this one isn't 100% fictional #the other has a nasty fanbase with gender discourse and rampant misinformation #and the other one they killed off completely #like wtf even my fictional character love life sucks lol #i need an escape dammit my job suuuuuccckksssss #omggg this edit tho!! #so many feels I'm in love #damn you mr benedict cumberbatch for being too damn good at your job #i don't see you at all when I look at him...who is you...but he's not!! #shenanigans!!

[wachi-delectrico]

Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight

#rambling #Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one) #Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No #Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No #What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc #they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil #But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish #and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right? #'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!' #That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child #And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the #societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human #From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol #I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast #She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices #I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever #It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse #As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation #It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember #how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven #I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones #You get the idea #Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night #I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment #Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!' #And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect #Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor

[mantisgodsdomain]

Slowly, yet painfully realizing that we're probably the exact type of person that random fandom guys would miscast as a father.

#we speak #internet teenagers keep coming to us as like the only authority figure on hand who will treat them like people #and we're like... please... we don't want to be an authority figure... why do all of your parents suck so hard... #like we're willing to offer ourself as an anchor as well as we can because we've Been there and know how it feels #but like damn. who the fuck let your families suck this bad. how on earth have situations managed to produce enough of you #that we end up being cast as The Only Adult On Hand Willing To Listen And Talk Through Things MULTIPLE TIMES #and perhaps more importantly why are we the only person in random fandom discords who is willing to treat teenagers like People #weren't the rest of you also teenagers at some point??? don't you like remember how it feels like to not have agency for shit??? #experiencing the “only person in the room who's willing to take a position” thing #despite there being like multiple other people in the room who should be WAY more qualified for this #how does this keep happening and more importantly why are we the only guy in the area who is doing anything to help #just to stress this point #we are trying our hardest to NOT be an authority figure because historically it ends terrible for us due to The Mental Health Issue #but somehow we are continually running into situations where we're the only guy willing to come up to plate #the syndromes. the issues. we are so fucking glad that this particular wave is coming now instead of A Few Years Ago #something something progress but also we dislike that we have to be the one handling these situations #because we shouldn't be considered a primary point of stability in anyone's life and the fact that we ARE a stable point to anyone is uhh #weird to think about. who let this happen. we're not old enough to be a parent #and we also find it very alarming that there are so many of you out there who are severely lacking in support #someone needs to work out a childcare arrangement system that doesn't suck because the current one really isn't doing it #while we're at it we can start overhauling the culture that landed us in being the only person willing to listen to people like ever #and maybe make it so we don't have to be a primary support because people are sufficiently supported already