#it just. it makes me very sad tbh

[captainsavre]

My FSH is high, which means that I can't... Maya and Carina || Station 19 - 7.05 ‘My Way’

#not a surprise tbh… we all kinda predicted it #but still very sad #why carina has to always suffer this much?! #just give her a break and let her live and be happy #for fucks sake #i'm glad they can still try and she can still be pregnant tho #but maya won’t ever hold her little carina and that makes me very upset #marina #maya x carina #maya and carina #maya bishop #carina deluca #station 19 #station19edit #danielle savre #stefania spampinato #mine #otp: you’re my home #tv: s19

[luck-of-the-drawings]

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #jrwi the suckening #arthur bennett #HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT? #LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT #this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page. #but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT #ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH #WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW? #ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME #DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER #HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW #AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE #I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much.... #AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game #but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping #DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds #I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors #what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012. #almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS. #only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE #while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs #THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN #WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS #the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess. #i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band #EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION

[b1gwings]

GOOD LORD i have not been able to think about anything else but Fig's undying devotion to her friends since last night's episode. I wonder if she's actually going to persue the paladin stuff, and if she does I wonder if they're going to make her a custom oath??? i know mechanically, oath of devotion is pretty versatile, but ALSO it would be so cool to find something that's so Fig. the way you could combine the warlock "relationships & agreements" stuff to an oath.... her love for her friends is so powerful :(

#there's something about fig faeth that can be so personal #maybe i'll make a less jumbled post about this later #fig faeth i love you with my entire heart #im so excited to see what's in store for her #not to mention her generational curse 💀 #fig faeth #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fig and kristen are so fucking relatable this season #they're honestly everything to me #although tbh id be kind of sad to see the bard side of her go :( #jack of all trades is so good for her. bardic inspiration is so real. & i just really love a good gnarly punk rock bard #i know whatever happens is gonna be good though #very excited for next episode #fig and kristen are sooooooooo audhd coded #u can pry them from my cold dead hands

[kissmefriendly]

It’s really kinda sad painful and interesting that the Captain’s death is one of the few where we don’t see him become a ghost. We almost expect it but the final shot of that scene is just him laying lifeless on the floor (and I suppose there there’s some mirroring between his and Kitty’s death, especially through the cinematography). How horrific must that have been when he did become a ghost? To be able to see Havers and trying to reach out to him, trying to get through to him only for Havers to never know he was still there, alone. Having to listen to all the nasty comments made by the other officers. To watch Havers leave the house for a second time, unable to get his attention or say goodbye.

#I find it interesting and very sad that Kitty and the Cap are just shown lying there completely lifeless #and we EXPECT them to become ghosts like with Humphrey Julian or Thomas #but they both just lie there #even the cinematography with the placement of Eleanor and Havers and the overhead camera just… #these both hit me so hard #especially considering their almost father-daughter relationship later on #I just have alot of feelings about this choice #I’m kind of tired and in some pain so my head is woozy #no idea if I’m making any sense but that choice really struck me #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #i might elaborate #but I haven’t stopped thinking about it tbh #I wanna go into more depth about Kitty and the Cap’s deaths as mirrors but uhhh brain is slow and stupid rn

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

#veep dad :] #i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE #i need excitement in my life but im like #has no social life #oopsies...! #so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad #yea thats it #also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so.... #apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done #im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with #im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard #my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc #i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN #anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum #it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow #just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog #senior vice president #sr vp #veep dad #personal tag if i dont wanna main tag.... #doodles #traditional art #guz art #toontown

[androidboy]

-

#ive got this awful feeling i just want to scoop out #i feel stupid and sensitive #like ive hardened myself to all this shit so the fact that i’m being affected by it is also making me mad at myself #my family didn’t want me around for thanksgiving and didn’t want me there for the family christmas party and didn’t want to #spend christmas with me because my mom doesn’t want me around the extended family because of how far in my transition i am #and my gf put off asking her fam about bringing me over for christmas for a month #and barely just asked and it sounds like they don’t want me there either #and tbh i kinda knew they wouldn’t #but also i feel like my gf also didn’t actually want me there which is why she put off asking for so long #and idk #i felt like with how far along i am in emotionally and physically recovering from stuff #and then also having a partner for the holidays for the first time #i would’ve left my sad sandra bullock era. but i have not #the only person who wants me around for the holidays is my dad and ive got such a weird relationship with him #and it literally would just be me and him alone #my dads side of the family doesn’t want me there either bc of the trans thing i just feel really fuckin #disgusting #feeling very goop monster

[aho-dapa]

This fandom is honestly...

Like, there is something to be said about fandoms in general and how they've changed as a whole generally but

There's also something about how the acotar fandom is especially toxic like

The idea that a post is surprised a murder hasn't happened yet and I found myself agreeing??? Is honestly telling

Like, also. A massive part of this is shipping and maybe it's because I have my corner of this fandom, but even then shipping the "wrong" thing in general has become something I honestly have to take in consideration when thinking of my mental health and if I can personally be prepared for any backlash??

This fandom at large doesn't feel safe and that's majorly concerning tbh

Maybe instead of saying shippers as a group are doing harm, we should just disavow harmful actions in general and not be complicit in it idk???

#anyway #just having thoughts #anti sjm #like I'm also pro Tamlin? and that doesn't help #i had to stop making intensive tamlin posts because my mental health honestly couldn't handle the constant discourse #which is sad when people genuinely come with the intent to discuss but since its all horrible in general I end up not having a lot of #emotional space to have a good conversation most of the time sighhhh #i also just end up blocking people in general when my timeline messes up my interests but #i have yet to block main ship tags because I still want to interact with my side of fandom on it but I'm sooooooo close to blocking #main tags because some people are vile on here #don't even get me started on gwyn because people end up saying shit they shouldn't be just because of shipping #and I don't have any personal feelings about gwyn but the way people say she's not important as a character gives me the ick tbh #like I get it from a sjm is a terrible writer standpoint #but gwyn did have narrative importance in acosf despite however I feel about how it coulf have been better written #and also as a character that is very explicitly a SA survivor some people here need to THINK about how they talk about her

[laesas]

did you ever make a post about pete not liking tankhun ? i know you mentioned it a few times in your tags but i don't remember seeing a post. (i share your opin ions.)

I definitely toyed with the idea of meta or a gifset but I didn't ever make a full post! I love unrequited love and I ESPECIALLY love the extremely rare platonic version which Tankhun and Pete absolutely nail in my opinion!

There are loads of moments where Pete's smile drops around Tankhun very quickly, or he insults Tankhun behind his back. Instead of laughing things off like Arm and Pol, he almost has a wincing fear-response to Tankhun, which we don't really see at all from the other bodyguards.

I think that Tankhun likes to think of himself as being close friends with his bodyguards, and he does genuinely show a lot of open affection for Pete and eventually concern for his safety. But I think ultimately for Pete, Tankhun is just a part of Pete's job, and over time resentment has built up until he thinks of Tankhun as one of the *worst* parts of it. I definitely don't think he resents Tankhun enough to hurt or endanger him, but that's about as far as it goes, there's certainly very little love there.

Something about that dynamic is just particularly brilliant, especially when combined with Pete's eventual defection from Tankhun's side to Vegas'. He chooses a man who has beaten and tortured him over a man who showers him in affection and throws parties on his return.

I utterly adore Tankhun but I think as a character that's grown up in a gilded cage, he doesn't really understand that what Pete needs is a sense of his own autonomy rather than being dragged to "fun" "lets cheer up Pete" parties that Tankhun has demanded on his behalf. At least with Vegas he *chose* to go back, he handed Vegas the ropes, let him lock him back up again. Even before he develops feelings for Vegas, Pete has clearly felt like a subhuman pet for Tankhun and the main family for a long, long time and I think ironically Vegas acknowledging Pete's humanity is the tipping point for him.

I think even without their nascent romantic love as a factor, Pete would always choose Vegas. Because despite the threat of suffering, he offers a sense of freedom that Tankhun's gilded cage does not. It all makes for an incredibly interesting betrayal, and makes Pete choosing Vegas over Tankhun all the more pointed. By choosing to be Vegas' pet, he chooses to be human.

#I have had this gifset concept rattling round my brain since before I even learned to make gifs #if I didn't have so many complicated feelings about Pete after the whole Build situation I'd make it in a heartbeat tbh #my worry is that it would either be taken as a ''hating on Pete'' set and I'd get mad shit for it in my inbox #(despite it being one of my fave facets of his character) #or it would be interpreted as a ''Build's acting appreciation!'' post which tbf it kinda would be. #theres no getting away from the fact that he shaped Pete into a very interesting and nuanced character #but you wouldn't catch me dead making a ''Captain Jack Sparrow appreciation'' set even if I loved POTC as much as KPTS yknow? #like theres only so much distance I can split the character from the actor. which sucks bc Pete as a character was one of my favourites #idk. probably not the ideal answer lol #my first instict was to just make the set since it was all planned out from like december #but since January my love for Pete as a character has mostly been in a little box on a high shelf that I do not ever touch. which is sad #but it is what it is ig #anyway lol 👀 #tankhun theerapanyakul #pete kp #tankhun kp #kp meta #ask #anon #watch me deliberately not putting that shit in the pete tag out of fear #anyway back on the high shelf you go little pete feelings. lets go back to simply not acknowledging u once more lol 🥲✨ #goddamn I deliberately hadnt thought about him in months but now I kinda miss Pete... :( I love this ask though thank u for sending it! 🦔✨ #damn rereading this its like girl. do you have an unrequited love for commas?? fucking use them?? :) anywaY #kpts

[the-kipsabian]

i hate it that watching aew doesnt make me happy

and yes i know theres alternatives. yes i have rather easy access to most of it. no i dont have the spoons to try to get invested into anything new i havent been keeping up with in forever. yes i would like to try but im in a spot where its just really difficult for me to do that personally

i just. i just want something to get excited about about a product that im already familiar with and that im watching. thats it

#swerve might be the one thing keeping me afloat right now tbh. and come revolution that might change if he doesnt win the title #and then they dont know what to do with him anymore. and its gonna suck ass again #i dont know. theres just a lot i cant get behind and i just dont find interesting #i know this is very much a me issue but its making me sad and i dont want to be sad about a thing that i want to like #this isnt even just 'oh i miss my faves' issue. its just like. everything. this product just doesnt do it for me right now. and thats sad #i should sleep my head hurts ough #wrestling musing

[anghraine]

I’ve been thinking about the development of Elizabeth’s feelings for Darcy in P&P, and one of the things I find really intriguing is how incredibly careful Austen is in her handling of their physical attraction to each other.

A lot of takes on Darcy’s initial attraction to Elizabeth focus entirely on the physical element, but Austen’s description of it folds together his attraction to her intelligence, her expression, her body, and the “easy playfulness” of her manner. Of these, the earliest mentioned is his realization that her face is “rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes” and her eyes are the physical feature that he seems to dwell on the most.

At any rate, Darcy’s attraction to Elizabeth is established early on (Ch 6) and continues as a thread from that point on. And—I mean, even in 1813, it’s one thing to show a man in his twenties being attracted to the pretty heroine. Austen is a lot cagier about Elizabeth’s feelings.

The narrative is structured so that we know Darcy is physically attractive from his entrance in Ch 3, when the narrator refers to “his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien” along with his wealth. But we’re not in Elizabeth’s head at that point, and iirc, she isn’t shown as saying or thinking anything about his physical attractiveness until she blushingly agrees that he is very handsome forty chapters later.

Even there, Austen leaves the dialogue to stand on its own and tells us nothing of what Elizabeth actually feels about it. The conversation moves to Darcy’s personal virtues, which reveal the critical fact that Darcy is consistently kind and good-natured in the domestic sphere. So Elizabeth’s concession that Darcy is physically attractive is narratively linked to the suggestion that he would make a safe husband, emotionally speaking (although her concession comes first, which may be significant).

Between the initial, omniscient narrator-type description of him and Elizabeth agreeing in Ch 43, we do get references to his looks a few times, but during the period of Elizabeth’s dislike, it’s always either through implication or through someone around Elizabeth rather than Elizabeth herself. So Bingley, for instance, jokes about how Darcy is so much taller than he is, but the narrator only remarks on Elizabeth’s assumption that Darcy is offended by this.

We know that Elizabeth looks for a resemblance to Darcy when she first sees Lady Catherine, and finds it, but this isn’t explicitly linked to her conclusion that Lady Catherine might have been handsome in her youth.

Then there’s the introduction of Colonel Fitzwilliam, when he arrives with Darcy, as “about thirty, not handsome, but in person and address most truly the gentleman.” Obviously the contrast is with Darcy, who is handsome but has less gentlemanly manners, but this isn’t explicitly spelled out. Austen simply says that Darcy “looked just as he had been used to look in Hertfordshire” and moves to the manner of his compliments to Charlotte.

We do get an explicit contrast later, when Darcy, Georgiana, and Bingley come to Lambton (so, after the critical revelations):

Miss Darcy was tall, and on a larger scale than Elizabeth; and, though little more than sixteen, her figure was formed, and her appearance womanly and graceful. She was less handsome than her brother; but there was sense and good humour in her face

Austen breezes past this to Georgiana’s manners and Bingley’s arrival. There are a couple of discussions of Darcy’s appearance earlier at Pemberley, but entirely held between Mr and Mrs Gardiner, who admire his figure while Elizabeth is consumed by embarrassment. She mentions that it was obvious that he had only just arrived via horse or carriage, but not how she knows this or what she feels about it beyond repeatedly blushing.

Then they meet again, he interacts with the Gardiners for awhile, and Elizabeth and the Gardiners leave. The Gardiners discuss the encounter including Darcy’s appearance, and Mrs Gardiner—who at this point, still thinks Darcy has mistreated Wickham—first concludes that Wickham is handsomer, then immediately re-considers and decides that Darcy has perfect features, but not Wickham’s angelic countenance. She (Mrs Gardiner) goes on, “He[Darcy] has not an ill-natured look. On the contrary, there is something pleasing about his mouth when he speaks.”

Elizabeth does not opine on Darcy’s mouth, lol, and instead defends Darcy’s moral character as far as his financial dealings with Wickham are concerned. We don’t hear much more of it apart from that, and in general, we see Elizabeth’s reactions to Darcy more than we hear about them:

Their eyes instantly met, and the cheeks of both were overspread with the deepest blush.

She blushed again and again over the perverseness of the meeting.

The colour which had been driven from her face, returned for half a minute with an additional glow, and a smile of delight added lustre to her eyes, as she thought for that space of time that his affection and wishes must still be unshaken.

Darcy had walked away to another part of the room. She followed him with her eyes, envied everyone to whom he spoke, had scarcely patience enough to help anybody to coffee; and then was enraged against herself for being so silly!

The colour now rushed into Elizabeth’s cheeks in the instantaneous conviction of its being a letter from the nephew, instead of the aunt

She had only to say in reply, that they had wandered about, till she was beyond her own knowledge. She coloured as she spoke

I do not personally think there can be much reasonable doubt about whether Elizabeth is attracted to Darcy during this phase of the book. But the narrative does dance around it enough (for understandable 1813 reasons, I suspect, given that Elizabeth either dislikes or hates Darcy for a significant portion of the book) that it’s not at all clear when she begins to finds him attractive, especially given that she does not actually see him between receiving the letter and acknowledging his attractiveness at Pemberley. So I think there are multiple valid interpretations or headcanons one could come up with for that.

#fun fact: i started writing this bc i was like 'i want to make a post about something trivial i can be concise about' #rip me i guess #but tbh my personal headcanon is that elizabeth /is/ attracted to darcy for a lot of the book but NOT remotely 'secretly in love' or w/e #people will be like 'if the attraction is mutual then what about her dislike are you saying-' #nope! she hates him. in fact she only hates him more bc he's smart and hot and complicated. #in addition to her conviction that he's a terrible person morally #and then she finds out he's actually okay and then that he's actually GOOD and then that he's made himself even better #elizabeth: i tried infatuation at first sight with wickham. now i shall try grown-up feelings like respect and gratitude #three days later: alas... i could have loved him... #some indeterminate amount of time without actually seeing him later: ...oh. fuck. #(i paraphrase. but honestly while elizabeth's realization that half her sleepless nights are darcy's fault is sad it is also very funny) #but yeah i think elizabeth is extremely wary of where attraction to emotionally unsuitable people goes and just buries all that #but once hte brakes go off she falls FAST #also she's genuinely attracted to three different men over the course of one pretty short novel and i love that for her #anghraine babbles #anghraine's meta #austen blogging #elizabeth bennet #fitzwilliam darcy #otp of otps #pride and prejudice #jane austen #long post

[homosociallyyours]

...

#idk how to explain it but like. #was talking to my ex earlier and he is falling in love again #and there's a part of me that's sad about it bc it's been so long and i am way too messed up to fall in love again #but the biggest part of me was just immediately filled with genuine joy #i want for him something as good as what we had or better #which is a tall order tbh bc we did have something very good #but i think there's real possibility this time and that makes the little bit of ache ok #I'll be honest-- i have never been able to figure out where i fall in the poly/mono spectrum #but times like these push me toward poly? #bc when i love someone their joy brings me joy even if I'm not the source of it #and i know i might have to push to keep in touch more (hard) but mostly i just want this person i care about #to have the love and support they deserve #ignore that I'm crying rn though im not sad just nostalgic and touch starved and lonely and drowning

[lavenderjewels]

I appreciate the love for Shoko but all the theories about her somehow resurrecting gojo from death is really setting her up for disappointment

#imo them collecting the body can just be a sentimental choice too not a major plot changer #shoko bringing him to life when barely any chapters have passed without him and without any indication of her having that ability would #be a very cheap move lmao #i still don’t think he’ll come back at all but if he did I’d want it mostly to be His choice. then Shoko could fix him up after #but yeah next chapter will likely be something horrific or sad #it is NOT looking good for yuuta and rika #I don’t want yuuta to die—at least not until there’s a semblance of hope for the protags #gotta balance out the misery with some hope and effort #buuuuut rika??? could see her being destroyed easily next chapter #….and maybe yuuta too. someone important might get eaten soon #jjk spoilers #wanna say that I DO think Shoko will be healing and helping though!!! #just not gojo for next chapter 🤨 part of me wishes higuruma isn’t dead tbh #look if it’s executed AMAZINGLY and thoroughly explained without making it a shocking fake out death—then sure Gojo returnings fine #jjk 248

[heartsburst]

WHY MUST I ALWAYS GET INTO THE SADDEST FUCKING SHIPS WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF

#frankie yells #like fucking. sure any ship can be made sad if you try harder enough but also. fucking. why must it always be tragic little gays #im not complaining but also i keep fucking doing this to myself man why do i keep making myself sad over fictional gays 😭😭 #like do i just only interact with the shit that makes me sad??? do i only really get engaged with sad fics etc. for them???? #is this a me problem???? #like. um. griddlehark. destiel. hannigram (sort of). ash/eiji. satosugu. aziracrow. zukka (in certain directions). shory. aaronneil. #most of my ao3 bookmarks are me sobbing my eyes out... #OH WAIT ALSO FUCKING. REDDIE 😭😭😭😭😭 I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOME BUT OMG REDDIEEEE #me like what if none of the mfs had a happy ending together? what then? #like babygirl are you okay??? why do you always want to be so sad?? #oh god also fucking [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]... both of which i had to stop reading fics for bc i was making myself too sad #like genuinely there is a certain very long fic that i had to put down bc i was making myself depressed #OHMYGOD I FORGOT WANGXIAN AND BINGQIU.... honestly mdzs and svsss in general... kicking my feet 1 moment and sobbing the next #there are sooo many ships in both of those that make me so very sad... too many to remember or list atm tbh #i should go to bed 💀 lmao #it's too late for this nonsense ans i shouldn't have been watching destiel and hannigram compilations in the first place... of course im #just making myself sad...

[alchemiclee]

every time someone dislikes a character I consider autistic because they seem highly autistic coded, especially if it's "for no reason/just a feeling" I get so incredibly sad and offended because I just know it's because they have autistic traits. I know these people would do the same to me and other irl autistic people. and that's always such a shitty reason to dislike/hate someone.

I just know they would hate us autistic for "no reason" and it would be because people for some reason dislike autistic people based on some obscure random feeling and they can't even tell you why. they often see us as "broken neurotypicals" or we give them that "uncanny valley robot" feeling (especially for high masking autistic people) or whatever it is. they often think we appear "normal" in every way, except something is "off" to them, they they dislike and bully us for it. it's not our fault we were born with these traits/disability so it's not fair to hate us for it!

at least that's how it always seems to go for me and everyone autistic person i've personally know. especially ones better at masking. (I personally was never good at masking and was seen as a "weird freak" who deserves bullying no matter what I did, especially since i was unable to talk 95% of the time as a kid) the mask still never truly hides that "off feeling" people get. i'm sure other autistic people experience this too, but people always dislike me or even hate me and usually can't ever seem to give me a reason. friends will suddenly turn on me and not give me a reason. (especially if we always had text based communication online and then we meet irl the first time. they suddenly turn on or abandon me after that). if I can get a reason out of someone, it's always because *insert random autistic trait here* so I assume it's the same with every case

if this happens irl, it has to be the same for fictional characters, right? it's the only explanation I can think of. I see stuff like this all the time. the autistic coded characters are always getting hate for seemingly no reason like this:

meanwhile, the autistic coded characters always become my favorites because I understand them better and relate

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #neurodivergent #people probably do this with other neurodivergencies too tbh #hsr #dan heng #ill tag that too in case other autistic dan heng enjoyers are out there and feel the same 😔🤝😔 #i have seen almost the same exact post about albedo before too. hes also very autistic coded #probably wouldn't be hard to find one about lynette since shes very autistic. and others too. sighs. its so sad. let us live #i don't care if someone dislikes me or a character. its when that reason is from being autistic #whether they conciously know or not that makes me upset. disliking someone for a trait/disability they cant help just sucks #even if its just me projecting onto a foctional character who i can relate to a lot because they feel so similar to me #when irl people are all so different and weird to me and treat ME like the weird alien they dislike “for no reason” sighsssss #again i dont care if someone dislikes a character (or me) i just hate when its for autistic characteristics even if they k ow why #they dont know why* #that may not even be it for the screenshoted people. but its SO GODDAMN COMMON for people to dislike autistic people #“FOR NO REASON” or some obscure feeling they cant explain. so that is the logical explanation #i hardly ever see people dislike a character (or me / other irl autistic people) for any other legitimate reason that's not autistic traits #its always things like “theyre annoying/too awkward and quit/too weird/do and say weird stuff/give me a weird feeling/lack personality/ #quiet* not quit #/too obsessed with *special interest*/bad at communicating/etc“ and not legitimate reasons like they're not a good person or something #where was i going with this ramble....got distracted and forgot #lee rambles #lee is confused and upset about these things!!!!

[thedreadvampy]

I tried listening to Olivia Rodrigo and I'm sure this is really good for its target audience of Teen Girls Going Through A Breakup but has she actually ever put out a song that isn't about a guy cheating, breaking up with her and moving on to someone else?

like babe he's not coming back it's been 2 years you gotta find something else in your life

#red said #it's not to my taste. tbh #content aside pop music is going through a very early 2000s breathy oversinging phase #hated it with xtina and alanis hate it with ariana and olivia sorry #it's a personal taste thing but to me however hard you go with the backing track that kind of soft pretty vocal style kind of #drags it back into midtempo sludge for me #also tbh it's just extremely normal music. like i went over to her yt bc people were talking about how Weird vampire is #it's not though????? it's super not???? #anyway the only one I've got anything out of is good 4 u cause she sounds more involved and less self-pitying on it #every other Olivia song I've heard sounds kinda the same bc they all have the same earnest self-pity vibe #which is what a lot of people need out of music! music that makes them feel the depth of their anger and sadness! #but idk it's never done it for me i like there to be something of a tongue in cheek or a hysterical edge #i think most of the songs I've heard from her are just too controlled and polished for them to not sound to me #like she's the person who sees you crying cause your partner is in hospital and goes YEAH I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL #MY EX CHEATED ON ME 5 YEARS AGO AND IT REALLY TRAUMATISED ME AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT and then you have to comfort her #like i recognise she's a 20 year old making music for teenagers so that is. appropriate. #but i struggled with the wallowing then too. were i a Teen at school with Olivia's character i would be so desperate to tell GROW UP #and it's not the lyrics it really is the music #heartbreak is a perfectly good theme to write on but oh my god not every song about it needs to be a mouthful call to arms

[kithj]

Hey, hope you're doing well! Had a couple questions for you if they're not too personal:

1. Whats your favourite story you've written so far? Is it something public? Is it finished?

2. Do you have any long form non-interactive fiction you've written that's available to read? I would genuinely kill to read something like that from you

hi :-) ohh these are fun...

my favorite story is probably My NovelTM which isn't finished yet, i've written a first draft and now it's just been languishing until i can find the motivation to start a second draft. i finished the first draft in august i think, and started editing it pretty heavily before i realized i was just going to have to rewrite the whole thing again. i'm mostly having trouble with the ending, which always seems to be my problem lmfao... anyways it follows the relationship of Angel and Valerie, after Valerie has been missing for a few months and suddenly returns as a vampire with no memory of Angel or what happened over the months while she was away. it alternates between both their povs in both present day and through flashbacks.

so unfortunately for your second question, no, but i do hope to publish Angel and Valerie's story one day, either traditionally through a small press (lol here's hoping) or by self-publishing it. otherwise my only published work is what's available on my itch.io (siren's call, one day hike, etc)

i am working on a short story for vampire jam, which i'll hopefully be sharing next month. it's still in the form of interactive fiction, published in twine, but it's more of a short story than anything like blood choke or tnp. i also have a butch cowboys and zombies story i've been working on for a while, but i'm not sure when i'll get around to finishing it since it's not a priority project.

i do want to write another novel as well, a very old story i've been kicking around for years, but as usual i haven't been able to come up with an ending for it... but maybe one day.

#one thing that amazes me abt published authors is just. the way they churn out books #how do they have so many ideas.... esp when their stories are so varied #i feel like my work is very one note lmfao one day hike & blood choke & hell's holler& even my vampjamp story& the cowboy story #are all very similar. it makes me feel self conscious tbh like im just writing the same thing over and over #but whatever it's what i need to write rn to keep myself sane even if it's all jsut sad lesbians LOL #i tell myself it's helping me refine the narrative i want to perfect in hell's holler (the novel) #idk i would like to write something more happy eventually #like i want to write a YA book. everyone brace yourselves but i want to write a historical fiction during the early 2000s/2010s #it sounds silly to call it historical fiction but like. it would be #around when gay marriage was legalized in the US & the lead up to it #as well as political/cultural attitudes in the US during that time post 9/11. through a high schooler's perspective #think something like the old american girl doll stories when they were actually historical and educational rather than nostalgia bait #yes i AM bitter about the 90s twins why do you ask #anyways. yeah 👍 #ask #sproongoose