#it was probably the same one who gave magnus relationship advice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

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OH MY GOD! ITS HAPPENING! Its only the summary and I’m emo 😂 I should be studying for my exams, but I have tomorrow for that ;)

Ok, lets do this:

UDHWIJSHW THEY ARE SO CUTE FOR EACH OTHER I CANT-

"He preferred to hide his heart away. But he couldn’t hide David. He didn’t want to. David deserved to be seen." Like father like son. Both speeking poetry about their love ones. (and no, Idk which father I'm talking about 😂)

“I don’t think they are fake dating,” David hummed from the other end. “You don’t talk for hours every night if you are just fake dating.” (THANK YOU DAVID! SOMEONE THAT ITS NOT BLIND)

"They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”“So, by not helping them, we are technically helping them?” Bapa had asked and Max had nodded with a grin. “Shadowhunters are weird.” “True dat,” Max had laughed. They were all weirdos. But Max loved them anyway. He loved his weird shadowhunters. (The domesticity lf this is killing me in a good way🥺)

“Will you on a date with me? Tomorrow?” Max asked then – because why the hell not. (Hell yeah Max. Go big or go home babe😎)

“This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.” In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that. (I'm already feeling his chaotic ass will do something like Magnus did, but lets keep hope)

"Maybe Lexi and Liv would probably enjoy a date – a fake date - in the arcade." Could I be more in love with both of them?? Is that physically possible?? 💙

Elyaas giving Max dating advice!! Lmaooo 😂😂

"His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice. But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages." YOU LIL SHIT. YOU ARE NOT WRONG THO...

FUCK. An attack??

You lil shit Max.

Yep, Rafael has to deal with it everyday 😂

OOMG YESS. THE ALIANCE RUNE!!

"So, when he got tired, he would simply fix the problem by eating. It was a win-win to be honest." I feel like I should say something, but tbh it makes sense

Ok, this fight is intense

Wait. Anjali is there??? What?

Oh ok, it wasn’t

“Say the thing!”Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.” I'm dead 😂

THAT SCENE WAS EVERYTHING. LOVE THOSE TWO

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out. “Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.” “Asshole,” Max laughed and punched his brother.

“Text dad we are okay,” Rafael said, slowly recovering. “They will worry.”Max nodded and did that. (This just summ up sibling relationships so well *chef kiss*)

“It can be hard, Max. Bapak and dad…Sometimes I look at them and feel like I will never have what they have.” YUP. THEY HAVE SIBLINGS DYNAMIC. ALSO RAFAEL IS JUST 🥺🥺🥺

David got wounded???

Oh ok. False alarm.

Rafael sat down next to him and put Bapak’s head on his lap, gently massaging it.

“Are you okay?” dad knelt down next to his husband. “Just a little tired,” Bapak replied.A little tired. Max knew Bapak was fucking exhausted." "Bapak never showed it. He never complained. Max wondered what else he hid away from everyone else." “Okay,” dad whispered and kissed his husband on the head. “Get some rest, my love.” Bapak nodded and closed his eyes as Rafael hummed something softly. (Well, now I'm crying 😭😭)

" His niece found an herbal medication that helps with the pain.” ANJALI!! I LOVE HER💙💙

"Dad finally smiled and went out to the balcony, phone in hand. He seemed to hang out in the balcony a lot lately" No no no. I dont like this. Babe find a better copying mechanism!!

"Bapak smiled then. A brilliant grin. The one dad probably fell in love with." jsyeihdiej I cant🥺💙

"Bapak sniffed when dad sat down next to him and gave him an odd look. But he didn’t say anything." Magnus tell him something. I dont like where this is going😭

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked. “Do not drag me into this!” Bapak protested and dad laughed at that" Ahh yess. Typical family discussions 😂

"David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!” (😂😂 I HONESTLY LAUGHED WAY TO HARD!!)

“Well, no! I don’t want drama. But I want you to be dramatic so I can tell you not to be dramatic!” I would like to say WHAT? but I honestly get it 😂

“Also, we all know you had an embarrassing crush on Uncle Jace growing up,” Rafael snickered. “And you definitely still have a crush on Uncle Jem.” Oh god 😂😂 but I mean... Who doesn't have a crush on Jem?

“Oh yeah?” Max demanded. “Well then let me explain your type. You are probably going to fall for someone who is like a combination of Aunt Izzy and Aunt Lily! Some femme fatale type who is a heartbreaker and looks like a supermodel and-” Boy got it right huh? 😂

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?” “There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!” lmaooo 😂😂

"And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life." I. I have no words

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.” “Not happening,” dad said into his coffee, and Max groaned before walking back into his room. (THAT FAMILY 😂😂)

" I tried to hurt your father once.” OH no, the angst is coming

" He didn’t know about this. He knew about their story. Everyone did. The accords hall kiss. The fight in Edom. The changing of the law. Their love was legendary. Not this!" THIS IS BRINGING BACK SO MANY FLASHBACKS

“All I know is that I was terrified. I love your father. I love Magnus more than anything in the world. And I didn’t want to lose him. And I didn’t know what to do.” 😭😭 NOT AGAIN!!

"When you love someone so much, sometimes you do crazy things.” THIS

" Love had made a fool out of them. Love had made them blind." Yup. tsc: a summary

"When you love someone, you have to be honest with them" And THAT is character development!!

"They called it The Jem effect." I'm using this from now on 😂💙💙

"Uncle Jem was wearing a tank top and and ripped jeans." So its time for SIMP over Jem Carstairs? Okey then.

"In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual." Same here 😂

“MINA! I SWEAR TO LILITH I AM GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!” OH MY GOD I LOVE MINA!!

“In my defense, I was busy!!” “Oooo, someone has been getting busy!” Mina WINKED. (You lil shit! I love her 💙)

He didn’t know he could blush!!!

" They had gone to hell and back for Roman. It wouldn’t have been possible if not for Catarina. She was, and always has been, a miracle worker." Again, I love my queen💙💙

“I believe in Mavid supremacy.” ME TOO

"There is something so queer about Ferris wheels!" Someone needed to say this

"They had their own space in the spiral fucking labyrinth. These fucking legends." I BELIEVE IN WARLOCK TEAM SUPREMACY

"But Ragnor had always had a soft spot for Rafael." 🥺🥺

I love my warlock squad so much I cant-

Ragnor is so done😂

“I don’t want to lose him,” Max said it out loud for the first time. “But you will, Max,” Catarina said gently. “Everyone loses people they love. Every day. It’s how life works.” (its to early to be crying)

“Yes, we do,” Ragnor replied. “But it also means we fall in love over and over. Century after century. It’s our blessing.” (these warlocks are just to perfect)

“And that love is going to last for a lifetime,” Tessa said softly. “Can you imagine that? Someone loving you for centuries. Someone remembering you for eternity. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” 🥺🥺

David deserved to be loved like that – endlessly and impossibly. (OK BUT THE PARALLEL)

Tessa should definetly write a guidebook

“Je t’aime à la folie,” Max said.David’s eyes widened. “Vraiment?“ "Je t’aime. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Je t’aime pour toujours.” ( I literally screamed and woke up my sister, I just love them so much!!!)

"David smiled. The smile Max fell in love with" 🥺🥺

“I know I am not your forever and I am okay with that.” Max bit his lip. “Okay.” “But you are mine,” David said. “You know that, right?” (ksidjdldk its just all this was beautiful!)

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do." (Me as I should be studying 😂)

" And you were just scared. You were just a kid." “I just…I just realized you might not have had that when you were growing up – that there might not have been people you could talk to about these things.” THAT!! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!

"Max pulled him closer and kissed him again. Every kiss a promise. A promise to love. A promise to fight. A promise to survive" I would die for this two

OMG he took him to the Celestial Palace!! Thats so perfect and 🥺🥺

“Oh mon dieu! Ceci est incroyable! Il y a tellement de livres! Oh mon dieu! Je l'aime tellement!”💙💙 Idk how you manage to make me love David even more

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.” David blinked. “You’re joking, right?” “Of course,” Max grinned. His father had actually said that but there was no need to scary poor David any further. (😂😂 Imagine having the Consul as father-in-law, poor David)

“Yeah, not good with words my ass,” Exactly!! They say they are not good with words and procede to recite poetry of their love one??!!

Ughh I love this chapter so much and I loved how they deal with the inmortality thing! I just love when people comunicate and talk to each other! THATS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! And how they didn't repeat Alec and Magnus mistake. I just love it! *chef kiss*

Anyway, this was really long and it took to open notes to fullfill, so i'll just leave💙💙

Bro I just felt like I read the whole chapter again and I am feels. I AM FEELS SEND HELP. Not me catching feels over my own shit lmaooooo.

Thank you so much. I have some work to do and I was like meh and now I have some energy to do it lol. I hope you spend tomorrow studying! You better!! Good luck!

ps - I love you notice the parallels and references. It makes me lil heart go boop!

also why do I feel like y'all are eternally doing exams????

#ily thank youuuu #lbaf

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illdesigns · 3 years

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30 magcharles👀👀

“I never cheated on you! How could you even think that?!”

Charles’ eyes followed Magnus as he paced and ranted - it was a wall of noise that he could barely register and keep up with, and he probably couldn’t even if he had wanted to do so. Which he didn’t. There were bigger issues at hand (literally so, Falconback documents rustling as he shuffled them from time to time) than whatever Magnus had burst through the door with. But it was Charles’ decision to bring Magnus back so he was sort of stuck listening to him complain. If he had decided on buying a new puppy he would have had to put up with accidents on the carpet from time to time. He viewed it the same way.

But eventually, dogs were trained. It had been months of this now and Magnus’ more egregious behaviors remained unimproved.

“And the food sucks,” Magnus snapped finally before stopping in his tracks. “Well?”

“Well?” Charles repeated calmly, head tilted to the side. “Improve your behavior and you get better food.”

“That is the least of my fuckin’ problems and you know it!” he retaliated when faced with an immediate comment on his behavior. “I...we...you-you always did this!”

Did he? Point out Magnus’ issues, problems, behaviors before? He didn’t remember that at all. The opposite, really. Charles remembered many waves of his hand when Magnus would blow up, or sulk, or show up too drunk or high to listen at meetings or play at practices or shows. He remembered he put up with quite a bit from him.

“One...one pack of cigarettes,” Magnus suddenly said. “That’s all I want. I’ll make it worth your while.”

Charles reared his head back with a look of disgust.

“The way you were brought back fixed your body in multiple ways, including the...chemical dependencies...you picked up over the years,” Charles shook his head. “You shouldn’t start the habit again.”

Magnus folded his arms over his chest in a pout.

“You always did this shit back in the day, just...shut off,” he said sullenly.

“I’m sorry, is me asking you not to start up smoking again and delicately avoiding how you propositioned me...shutting off?” he repeated with a dry tone.

“...Yeah,” replied Magnus after cutting his eyes to the side. “Fixed my body and not the eye, huh?”

“We can pick and choose,” he looked at the door. “Do you have anywhere to be?”

Magnus paused. Opened his mouth as if to speak, before closing it again. His arms remained locked around himself as he shifted his weight on his feet, looking at the lamp on Charles’ desk instead of him. Charles had hoped he would have taken the hint, but instead he watched as Magnus all but rooted himself onto the floor of his new office.

“I miss you,” his voice was small and soft, odd compared to the anger from just a moment before. A sudden open vulnerability as if he was rolling onto his back and displaying a soft underbelly to sharp teeth. “How you were...before…”

Charles folded his hands together and looked at the lamp as well, as if it was a way of making eye contact.

“Have you not considered that I feel the same?” he asked. “For better reasons?”

“Before you cheated, I can see that, yeah,” Magnus scowled as the bitterness seeped from his voice.

Wait.

Charles remembered plenty of things. He had an excellent memory. No history of memory problems, no long-standing blackouts from substance abuse, no want to make himself forget - as hard as he tried to. And Charles did not remember cheating.

Charles did not remember having a monogamous, romantic relationship with Magnus Hammersmith in the first place.

“I never cheated on you,” he said flatly. Magnus looked up at him. “How could you even think that? We weren’t ever together.”

Magnus opened his mouth again before baring his teeth in a frustrated snarl. His face flushed dark and ruddy as he stood, still and unmoving like a tree.

“Magnus?” Charles began. “You know that we weren’t, right?”

“I don’t...I don’t remember…” Magnus finally said.

“What do you mean, you don’t remember?” he leaned forward in his seat.

Brain death, a lack of oxygen, synapses corroding, memories burning to ash as Magnus’ corpse sat and languished until it was found. Charles hadn’t had that problem. But, Charles had come to the Church far more...fresh.

He looked at Magnus with a furrowed brow and watched as Magnus picked on a scab on his arm with an intense gaze at his shoes. A pang of guilt sank in his stomach and pooled throughout his body. It had been months since Magnus had been brought back.

And all this time, he had thought-

“I remember we...we were close. I remember being in your house a lot. Your bedroom. I know that I l…” Magnus stopped himself. “I remember you stopped taking your shirt off, around me, even when we-“

The brand on the back of Charles’ neck had a phantom itch. It was years old - bestowed upon him with a proper initiation. The first Gear. Prestigious. And received when Magnus, ignorant of prophets and stars and churches, was still sharing his bed. Even when Charles became more familiar with the prophecy, when he spent long days at work in a law office and long nights under Ishnifus’ tutelage.

“So I thought you...you, uh, I dunno, really? I thought we were together and you were sneaking out. Gone a lot. Canceled plans,” he was still going. God, he was still talking. “And you fuckin’ brought me back, man! I figured you, like, gave a shit-“

He stopped. He looked at Charles and snorted suddenly.

“Thought the guy who brought me back from the dead who I used to fuck, like, cared about me. Just did it to laugh, huh?” Magnus’ posture switched suddenly, hunched and inward, hands in his pockets. “Or did you used to?”

“I-“ Charles began.

“You pick and choose that, too?” Magnus threw up his hands. “Y’know what? I do have somewhere to be. Later, dude…call if you wanna reminisce or laugh or...or whatever you have me here for.”

Charles winced at the door slamming shut. Rubbing his eyes under his glasses, Charles sighed and looked down at his papers. He was going to read. He was going to read, and forget.

Magnus was right.

Charles was going to read.

Hours and days and weeks and months of time, spent together. Years of secret trips, of hotel rooms, of Charles’ house, of just existing together.

He was going to read.

Magnus was brought back stupidly, selfishly, against the advice of the other priests. For the want of Charles’ own nostalgia that he remembered with a vividness not granted to the man that he had missed. The smile he remembered and had yet to see again, the hair that he had yet to pet and preen and pull again, the skin that he had touched and kissed when it was cold and hard and not flushed with new life.

Charles watched as a drop fell onto the paper below him. It crinkled the page, smudged the ink, rendered the first half of a word unreadable. He did not read - instead, he held his head in his hands and wept.

#mtl tag #mine #ash this was such bait for my emo ass glfkglfdkgd how dare you

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forensicsisabelle · 3 years

Text

Not Too Bad

SRating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: F/F Fandom: Shadowhunters (TV) Relationships: Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow, Alec Lightwood & Aline Penhallow, Max Lightwood-Bane & Aline Penhallow, Helen Blackthorn & Max Lightwood-Bane Characters: Aline Penhallow, Alec Lightwood, Helen Blackthorn, Max Lightwood-Bane, Magnus Bane Additional Tags: Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Married Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow, Married Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Babysitting, Shadowhunter Bingo Summary: Aline and Helen have begun discussing having kids, but Aline is worried that she doesn't have what it takes to be a good parent. After a heart-to-heart with Alec, Aline finds herself babysitting baby Max in what Alec and Helen hope will be a self-esteem boost. But things don't go as planned.

Written for @shadowhunterbingo Square filled: babysitting

Read on AO3.

“Aline?”

Alec’s questioning finally caught her attention, and Aline sat up straight, dropping her hand that she’d been resting her chin on as she stared at the fire on the other side of her office. Her cheeks warmed as she tilted her head up to look at Alec standing opposite where she sat at the desk, just to the side of the same fire. She prided herself on her abilities as a Shadowhunter, yet she hadn’t heard him approach or the knock on the door that she assumed he’d given her before walking in.

“Sorry,” she said with a self-conscious smile. “I’m a little distracted today.”

“I can see that,” Alec said, lowering himself into one of the chairs in front of her desk. He watched her for a moment before he continued. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, no,” Aline said, waving her hand dismissively through the air. “It’s nothing that anyone should be worried about. I’d much rather discuss why you’re here. I assume there’s something you need to tell me?”

Alec’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t press her any further.

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “I was talking to Lindquist. A vampire clan in their jurisdiction wants to speak to the Clave, so I was hoping to talk to your mom about scheduling a meeting. Only she wasn’t in her office, so I came to see if you could pass the message on.”

Aline gave him a smile, much more at ease with the topic safely on work instead of anything personal. Alec may have been her friend, but she’d been having trouble discussing her feelings with Helen recently, let alone anyone else. Still, she felt dangerously close to blurting out her feelings to anyone who asked.

“Of course,” she said. “Last I heard, Mom had a meeting with Tessa Gray from the Spiral Labyrinth this morning, but I think she’ll be finished soon. We had plans to meet for lunch. I can pass on your message then.”

“Sounds good,” Alec said. “I was just about to head out to lunch myself, so I was hoping to let her know before I left. Better we don’t leave the Lindquists waiting too long. They’re not a big fan of your mother. Don’t want to give them more reasons to dislike her.”

Aline cringed. Now that Alec mentioned it, she remembered the spat her mother and the Lindquists had gotten into several years earlier. She couldn’t even remember what the fight had been about, but dealing with them had been touchy with her mother ever since.

“I’ll definitely let her know,” she said with a decisive nod.

With their business complete, she’d expected Alec to excuse himself, but he remained sitting in the chair across from her desk, watching Aline as if he were trying to sort something out. She stiffened, already sure of what was coming and dreading it.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about whatever had you lost in your own head when I came in?” he asked hesitantly.

They’d known each other for years, but Alec had always been more closed off with Aline than Isabelle or Jace. It was only in the past few years that she felt she’d really gotten to know the real him and not a closed off version that he’d carefully crafted to hide himself. She was pretty sure that he could say the same about her, even if she liked to think her facade had appeared more genine than his.

She sighed, feeling her resistance crumbling from no other power than his gaze.

“Helen and I have been talking about adoption,” she admitted. “It’s not new. We both said we wanted to have kids when we first got together, but now we’re really talking about it.”

“Like the ‘it may happen soon’ kind of talking about it?” Alec asked, leaning forward in his chair.

His eyes sparkled with excitement at the idea, and Aline couldn’t hold back a snort of laughter at his eagerness for someone else to have kids. She never would have pegged Alec as a kid person before baby Max had come along, yet his son had made him more baby crazy than anyone she knew. Not even her wife with her million siblings who she’d practically raised could compare.

“I think so,” Aline said quietly, her gaze on the fire. “It would make sense. We’re married now. We’re settled, and we’ve always said that we would. Now’s the time.”

Alec’s excited smile dropped into something threatening to become a frown.

“Are you sure about it?” he asked. “Because if you don’t actually want kids, you shouldn’t—”

“I do,” Aline rushed to assure him.

With anyone else, she would have been offended that they’d offered unsolicited advice as if she hadn’t carefully considered everything for herself, but she didn’t feel that way towards Alec. She just felt tired after the long morning she’d had obsessing over the same nagging thoughts that had been coming and going for months.

“I want kids,” she added even more forcefully. “That’s something I’m sure of, and I wouldn’t have promised Helen otherwise if I wasn’t. It’s just that…” She fiddled with her pen the click clack of her opening and closing it echoing through the room. “I’m an only child,” she continued. “Helen has lots of younger brothers and sisters. She’s been around kids her whole life, and she’s so good at taking care of them. Any time that something happens, she knows exactly what to do. It’s like she doesn’t need to think about it.”

Aline clicked the pen closed and threw it down on the desk before sinking back into her chair. Alec was silent as he watched her, a thoughtful frown creasing his brow.

“I don’t have instincts like that,” Aline admitted, staring into the fire. “I’m an only child. The closest I’ve come to taking care of kids is helping out with Helen’s siblings sometimes, but there’s always someone else around too. And they were all older when I met them anyway. It was nothing like taking care of an actual baby, you know? I don’t know how to do that.”

She fell quiet, her cheeks were warm, but she couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or the heat from the fire. She tapped her fingers against the armrest of her chair, waiting for Alec to say something to end the judgement she felt.

“Lots of people don’t know much about kids when they have their own,” he said slowly, turning over each word carefully before he said them. I was eleven when my youngest brother was born, and I had to help out some, but that was nothing compared to having my own kid. And lots of only children have kids. Either way, you have to figure out everything as you go. It’s difficult sometimes, but I know you and Helen would be up for it. You’d care too much to do a bad job.”

Aline offered him as genuine of a smile as she could muster.

“Thank you. I wish I could believe that as much as you claim to.”

Alec shook his head in amusement.

“Well, if practice would make you feel better, Magnus and I are always up for a date night. You and Helen can watch Max any time. Just let us now.”

The idea sent adrenaline through Aline’s veins. She’d never watched a kid as young as Max before. She wasn’t even sure if she’d held a kid as young as Max except for the times she’d held Max himself. As a result, she’d always been more nervous around the baby than she wanted to admit.

“Do you mean that?” she asked. “You’d trust us with him?”

“Why wouldn’t we?” Alec asked with a laugh. “Like you said, Helen has a ton of experience. Between the two of you, I can’t imagine anything bad would happen.”

It wasn’t a bad idea. Aline knew Max better than she’d ever known a baby, and she knew he was fairly well behaved. A bit mischievous at times as was probably required by the son of Magnus Bane, but it was nothing too bad. If she couldn’t handle him, then it would be a real sign that she needed more experience under her belt before she and Helen took the next step.

“I should talk to Helen first,” she said. “But thanks for the offer. It’s not a bad idea.”

“Of course,” Alec said, standing from his chair. “Like I said, just let us know if you want us to bring him around. We can make plans.”

She gave him one last smile as they said goodbye. Already, nerves were building in Aline’s stomach. Asking Helen about this meant admitting that she needed practice, and that on top of actually taking care of Max made her more nervous than it should have.

Aline plastered her best smile on her face as she tugged open the door to reveal the Lightwood-Bane family on the other side.

“Look who it is!” Alec crowed to the baby warlock in his arms.

Max babbled with excitement, smiling widely at Helen and Aline. He flapped his arms happily, one of them waking Alec against the chest repeatedly, not that he seemed to mind at all. Looking at him, you would have thought that he didn’t even feel a thing. Maybe he didn’t. Max’s fists were so small that Aline couldn’t imagine they made much of an impact, especially when you were used to much worse injuries. She swallowed, suddenly even more aware of the fact that this tiny person was going to be her and Helen’s responsibility.

“Hello,” Helen said, taking over the greetings as Aline struggled just to keep the smile on her face. “Look at you,” she said to Max in her best baby voice, which Aline would have found adorable if she weren’t petrified.

Her eyes grew wide as Alec slid Max into Helen’s arms. It was actually happening. They really would be left alone with him for the evening. Aline’s heart began to race faster than when she was face-to-face with a Shax demon.

Magnus handed Max’s bag out to her with a smile, and she took it without fully processing what was happening. It was black with blueberries embroidered into the fabric. She stared down at it as if she didn’t know what it was. It was heavy as she slugged it over her shoulder. She could only begin to imagine what was inside: diapers, bottles, toys. She wondered if she’d even recognize everything inside when she looked.

“Everything you need should be in there,” Magnus said, still smiling as if he didn’t notice Aline’s unease. But she knew he must have. “We packed twice the amount of diapers that we think he’ll need, so I really doubt you’ll run out of anything.”

“But if you do, just call us,” Alec finished. “Even if it’s just a question about something.”

“Of course,” Helen answered for the both of us. “I really don’t think there will be a problem, but if there is, we’ll let you know right away.”

A few more assurances were exchanged before Magnus and Alec were back out the door, Helen waving Max’s little hand at them as they left. The baby was still babbling in her arms, not concerned that his fathers had left him behind. He was a mild mannered baby all things considered. Aline tried to let that comfort her as she remained rooted in the same spot with Max’s diaper bag over her shoulder. It had been a struggle to even get a ‘goodbye’ out to Magnus and Alec when they left.

Helen gripped her shoulder.

“Aline, calm down. He’s not even remotely upset yet.”

“Yet,” Aline repeated dryly.

Helen rolled her eyes, but she was smiling as she carried Max down the hall and into the living room. Aline followed her with the bag and sat it on the coffee table. She unzipped it to find a plethora of baby supplies, and she breathed easier with the knowledge that she recognized just about everything in the bag. She pulled out a toy and held it out to Max, who took it with a cheerful cry and stuffed it into his mouth.

“Get that blanket and spread it on the floor,” Helen said. “We can set him down and let him play for now.”

Aline did as instructed, even placing down the other toys his dads had brought along, and watched as Helen sat the baby down. She half-expected Max to start crying the second he was out of someone’s arms, but he didn’t seem to mind. Helen knelt beside him, and he played with his toys happily, almost as if he’d entered his own little world with them.

Tension left Aline’s body, and she sunk onto the couch.

“Don’t relax too much,” Helen said, throwing a smirk over her shoulder. “We’re only five minutes into the evening. He will cry, Aline. The goal is to keep a level head when he does.”

Aline sighed. “I know that, but I already told you that I can’t promise anything.”

Helen laughed. “And I told you that, if you can fight demons, then you can handle a baby for a few hours. Remember, it’s okay if you don’t know why he’s crying the second he starts crying. We’ll figure out what’s up together, okay?”

Aline nodded. She sure hoped she could manage that.

Max babbled excitedly as Aline zoomed the spoon towards his mouth like one of those mundane airplanes. Helen had warned her that he may not accept the food easily. Apparently, Tavvy had refused to eat mashed carrots when he was Max’s age, but Max accepted them with no problem, smiling happily as he chowed down and smeared the bright orange mush all over his face.

For the first five or so spoonfuls, Aline had felt proud. Max was hardly even making a mess, and she was confident they’d make it through the whole meal without any major mishaps.

The feeling of success was premature. A few minutes in, Max started trying to grab the spoon from her hand. Aline’s reflexes were quick. She swiped the spoon away before he could get hold of it, but the whine he let out at the rebuff set off alarm bells in Aline’s mind. She knew it was a bad sign.

Sure enough, the next time she raised the spoon to Max’s lips, he tried to get the spoon again, but this time, he knew better than to just reach with his hands. Blue spars erupted from his hands, and Aline felt a supernatural tug on the spoon. She tightened her grip, determined not to let go, but Max kept tugging. Alec had to have a method for dealing with moments like these, but Aline had no idea what that method was. In the magical tug-of-war, the mashed carrots went flying and landed on the other side of the kitchen floor with a splat. Max laughed in delight and clapped his hands, no longer trying to grab the spoon that was still in Aline’s hand.

Helen chose that moment to enter from the other room, where she’d been picking up the toys Max had been playing with earlier.

“Oh,” she said, looking down at the splatter of carrot with a smirk. “Is someone having too much fun with his dinner?”

Aline rolled her eyes and grumbled. She knew that babies made messes, yet she couldn’t help but be a little annoyed to have her perceived success yanked away from her. Still, when the babbling Max looked at her happily, she managed a smile. She pushed the spoon back towards his mouth, and he accepted it easily, apparently content to eat this particular spoonful instead of making a mess.

Sensing Aline’s annoyance, Helen came up behind her and squeezed her shoulders.

“If that’s the only mess he’s made so far, then you’re doing a good job,” she said encouragingly.

Aline nodded but didn’t verbally respond as she tried to get Max to take another bite. Once again, he was more interested in grabbing the spoon than eating. Feeling self-conscious in Helen’s presence, Aline didn’t react quickly enough, and another splatter of carrot went flying in the opposite direction of the last one. Aline sighed as Max laughed. Helen gave her shoulders another squeeze, massaging them for a moment.

“I’ll clean it up,” she said, doing just that as Aline continued feeding Max.

It was silent as they both completed their jobs, Helen humming to herself while Aline did her best to stay calm. She wasn’t mad at Max; she was frustrated with herself. Surely, there was a secret to getting more food in his mouth than on the floor that she wasn’t aware of. Perhaps Magnus was able to deter Max from his mischief with magic, but Alec must have had a different strategy. Helen probably knew it too. Whatever it was, Aline couldn’t figure it out.

By the end of the meal, Aline wasn’t sure how much of the food Max had eaten instead of played with, but Helen swore it was enough. She took the baby, who was still babbling happily, to wash the slowly trying food off his face and hands. Aline leaned back in the chair, searching for the energy needed to clean up the high chair.

She couldn’t believe how much energy one dinner had taken out of her when she hunted demons every night. It shouldn’t have been possible. She ran a hand over her brow, more sure than ever that she wasn’t cut out for kids no matter how much she wanted them.

Helen found her in that position a few minutes later with a much cleaner Max in her arms. She sat down in the chair next to Aline and reached out to take her hand. Aline continued to stare at the mess on the high chair.

“Don’t be hard on yourself,” Helen said. “It was your first dinner. You didn’t do a bad job, Aline.”

“How do I feel so tired?” Aline asked instead of responding to what Helen had actually said. “It shouldn’t be possible.”

Helen shrugged. “Like I said, it was your first time. Babies are a lot of work. That doesn’t mean you were bad, Aline. It just means you’re new at it. Even parents need a break sometimes.”

Aline didn’t respond. She wanted to believe Helen. She was even sure that Helen was convinced of what she was saying, but she just couldn’t believe it herself. Surely some kind of maternal instincts should have kicked in, but they hadn’t. There was something about taking care of kids that just didn’t click with her; she was sure of it.

She rose to grab a dish rag and wet it in the sink, setting to work cleaning the high chair without looking at Helen. Max was being much quieter than he had been during the meal, watching Aline work from Helen’s arms. Aline tried not to look at him too much as she worked.

Aline let Helen take the lead when it came to putting Max to bed. She hovered, prepared to step in and assist whenever needed, but she didn’t trust herself nearly well enough to do any of the most important tasks.

Max had sniffled a little once he realized he was being put down in the bassinet that had once been Tavvy’s, but Helen had quieted him with an ease that had left Aline in awe. By the time they were back in the living room, snuggling on the couch, Aline felt as if she were in a daze. The struggle she’d been expecting to happen before bedtime hadn’t come, but that didn’t make her feel at ease.

“You’re amazing,” she told Helen, letting her head fall to her wife’s shoulder. “I wish I could have helped more. I feel so useless.”

“Stop that,” Helen scolded, moving her shoulder to jostle Aline. “You fed him dinner, did you not? And you were a help putting him to bed even if you think you weren’t. Trust me. If that’s you being useless, then I know some actual parents who could learn a thing or two.”

Aline sighed, not believing Helen in the slightest. Anyone would have seen that Helen had done far more work than she had.

Just as she was about to respond, a high pitched squeal echoed through the house. It wasn’t one of terror, but it was loud enough that Helen and Aline both shot to their feet. Aline took off for the bedroom that they’d tucked Max away in before she could think about what she was doing. She reached the room before Helen, and her heart lurched into her throat when she saw that the bassinet was empty.

She whipped her head back and forth but didn’t spot him until Helen gasped, “Look up!”

Max’s back was pressed to the ceiling as if he’d been plastered to it. He laughed happily when they spotted him, clapping his hands together without a care in the world. If he realized he was hovering above the room, it didn’t bother him. Aline’s stomach dropped as she rushed forward to stand beneath him. At that moment, she may not have known how to get him down, but she wasn’t going to let him plummet to the floor.

“What do we do!?” Helen shouted, panicked for the first time since Max had arrived. “Neither of us can use magic, and he probably doesn’t know how to get himself down. Even if he did, he can’t understand what we tell him to do, and he could accidentally send himself in a freefall.”

Aline looked away from the baby long enough to zero in on the dresser that sat against the wall. It was a little far from the bassinet that Max was still floating over. If she stood on top, she wouldn’t be able to reach the baby.

“Come here and stand underneath him,” Aline said, using the same voice that she used when leading a team. “If he falls, you’ll have to catch him.”

Helen did as she asked, her arms out with a purpose despite no sign that Max was budging.

“What are you doing?” she asked Aline as she the other woman approached the dresser.

“Getting Max,” Aline said shortly as she took hold of one end of the dresser and tugged.

It wasn’t as easy as it would have been with someone at the other end helping her, but she could at least maneuver half the dresser closer to the bassinet. She climbed on top of it and found that the tips of her fingers could just about brush the ceiling. Max babbled happily when he saw that she was closer to him. His back was still pressed against the ceiling, and he didn’t show any signs of moving, but she knew better than to rely on that.

Helen still hovered beneath him, not moving an inch. The dresser was still a bit too far away for Aline to snatch Max out of the air easily. She moved carefully to the edge, her feet partially dangling off the side. It would be hard to reach for Max and also keep her balance. There was a chance that Helen would be catching her instead of the baby, but she’d have to risk it.

She reached for Max, and in what could only be a twist of fate, Max reached eagerly for her in response. He moved, and for a second, her heart dropped with the fear that he was about to fall. Instead, he reached his tiny blue fist out, and it was enough for Aline to grab onto him.

She tugged. It was rougher than she would have dared be with him in any other circumstance, but she didn’t know what other choice she had. As soon as he was close enough, she clutched him to her chest with one arm and used the other to stay balanced as she wobbled from side-to-side. Helen latched onto her legs, doing what she could to keep Aline standing. After a tense second, they both realized that Aline and the baby were stable, and Helen laughed, hitting Aline’s foot in her excitement.

Aline allowed herself a smile as she crouched down and handed the baby to Helen before climbing off the dresser herself. The rush of adrenaline that had pushed her to act fled, and she collapsed back against the dresser for support as her head spun. She watched in bafflement as Max stared between the two of them with wide eyes, not showing much of a reaction to what he’d just put them through.

Helen surged forward and captured Aline’s lips in a kiss. Aline gasped, her mind struggling to process what had happened, let alone a kiss.

“That was incredible!” Helen exclaimed loudly. “I was so worried that we wouldn’t be able to get him down, but you climbed onto that dresser like you’d already prepared for him to fly into the air like that. Amazing!”

Aline shrugged. It didn’t feel as impressive to her as it was to Helen. She’d only done the first thing she could think of when she’d seen Max hovering above them. It easily could have been Helen who’d thought of it first.

“You could’ve done it,” she said in a weak voice.

Helen raised an eyebrow. Max let out a squeal in her arms, and Helen rocked him back and forth, starting the process of getting him back to sleep.

“But I didn’t,” she said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper. “All I did was panic at the door. I might still be there if you hadn’t acted.”

Aline knew that wasn’t true. Helen would have gotten herself together eventually, and if Max had fallen, there was no way Helen would have stood there and done nothing. But she was right in a sense. Aline had been the first to think of a way to get him down, and she’d followed through on that plan without thinking. She bit her lip to hold back her smile, but it was useless. Helen smiled at her, and Aline couldn’t disguise it any longer.

“See,” Helen said, tilting her head to the side. “You wouldn’t be as bad at parenting as you think.”

Max may have been one of the most adorable babies she’d ever met, but Aline breathed a sigh of relief when Alec and Magnus knocked on the front door not even an hour after the ceiling incident.

Helen led Magnus straight to the room where Max was sleeping. There hadn’t been any more magical incidents since the first. Aline hovered in the hallway with Alec, internally debating how many of the night’s events she should share with him. She didn’t want to keep anything a secret, but she also wasn’t sure how to broach the most dramatic of the night’s events.

“Did everything go well?” Alec asked with a slightly nervous smile as if he was expecting to hear the worse.

Aline wanted to ask him where those nerves had been when he was assuring her that everything would be fine, but she didn’t.

“He’s healthy, I think,” she said slowly. “But there was an...incident after we put him to bed.”

Alec groaned, his whole body crumpling.

“Please tell me he didn’t levitate himself again.”

“Again!?” Aline snapped, crossing her arms against her chest. “You’re telling me that he’s done that before, and you didn’t warn us?”

Alec scrunched his shoulders up towards his ears and gave her a sheepish smile.

“It must have slipped our minds. It’s not like he does it every night. It’s only been a few times, and last time it happened was a few months ago. I genuinely didn’t think about it.”

Aline sighed, the tension she’d felt over revealing the truth leaving her.

“Yeah, well, he’s fine, so I guess it’s all in the past now,” she said.

Alec narrowed his gaze.

“How did you get him down? The other times it’s happened, Magnus has had to use magic.”

So, Aline quickly told him the story of the dresser, earning a laugh and a pat on the back.

“For whatever it’s worth,” he said just as Helen and Magnus appeared at the other end of the hall, “I agree with Helen.”

#shadowhunterbingo #heline #aline penhallow #malec #alec lightwood #max lightwood-bane #helen blackthorn #magnus bane #my fanfic

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thechangeling · 4 years

Text

For better or worse, I am alive.

So basically my brain is being a jerk again and making me suicidal. So I decided to repost this.

Set after QOAAD.

Sometimes mornings just hurt.

Kit had no explanation as to why.

There were just days when he opened his eyes and the burden of the day ahead was simply too much to bare.

Today was one of those days.

I'll just sleep for a few more minutes. I just need a little more time. Just a little longer.

Then five minutes would become ten and ten became twenty and suddenly a whole hour had gone by. The heaviness in his heart growing by the second.

Expectations hurt.

Like the way Tessa looked at him sometimes with a glowing smile. Like she was seeing someone else through him. Caught up in her own fond memories. Wanting him to be like the Herondales she lost.

Be brave and strong. Be the perfect warrior like Jace or a hero like Will. Everyone's counting on you. Don't be weak.

Don't be weak.

Herondales weren't weak.

Kit wished he didn't view his feelings as a weakness. He wished he could give himself the same love and empathy he felt for Ty.

But he just couldn't.

Logically he knew that just like Ty's autism, his feelings which seemed to be symptoms of depression, were beyond his control. And yet still he could hear those harsh, jagged words forming in the back of his mind.

Weak. Pathetic. He doesnt love you. He never will.

No one loves you.

It was moments like this when Kit remembered what Julian had said to him about Ty's differences.

There are shadowhunters who can barely get out of bed and there are shadowhunters who find that the words float off the page when they try to read. The clave is aware of these things, but they push these people into the background. They're considered the dregs of the nephilum community. I never wanted that for Ty. They can never know.

The dregs of nephilum community.

No one would have dared to imagine that a Herondale could be one of those people. Different. Not at all falling into their little cooker cutter idea of a perfect angelic warrior.

It was the same kind of thinking that led most people to assume Kit was straight. No he couldn't possibly be "like that".

Fucking small minded babies. All of them.

Memories hurt.

Memories of Ty's smile, his laughter and all his quirks.

Then the memories of Ty raising Livvy from the dead. Pleading with him. Telling Ty that he loved him. He knew it was a bad idea and he knew Ty wouldn't say it back and he knew he was being pathetic and selfish and now he was sinking again.

Kit never really knew what it was like to be loved. He never had a mother growing up and looking back on his relationship with his father, he was almost positive that he had never really loved Kit. At least not the way the Blackthorns loved each other. He shouldn't have let himself crave Ty's love. It would never happen

However, he still let himself hope. Maybe this time things could be different. Maybe this time the pain wouldn't win. But it did. It won in the form of anger. Kit allowed the darkest parts of his mind to transform the heartbreak into anger.

Anger was easier. Anger hurt less then the truth.

I wish I never met you.

A fucking lie.

I love you. I need you. I feel like I'm drowning, I've been drowning my whole life and you're the only thing that makes it better. Things don't hurt as much when you look at me. I'm sorry I know you're dealing with a lot but I need to talk to you. I need to talk to someone.

No. He could never say any of that. He couldn't tell anyone.

Kit rolled over in bed and checked the clock on his nightstand.

3pm. Jesus christ.

Pathetic. Worthless.

Kit squeezed his eyes shut and put a pillow over his head.

I can't do it. I can't do anything.

A knock on his bedroom door jolted him out of his thoughts. "Kit?" Tessa called apprehensively, "Are you alright?"

She didn't sound angry or even exasperated.

She sounds worried.

Worry. Pitty.

These were things worse then hostility. It made everything harder.

"Kit? I'm coming in." The door swung open to reveal a frazzled looking Tessa. Her brown hair had been tossed up in a messy bun and she wore baggy excersise clothes to accommodate her rather large baby bump. Any day now Tessa and Jem would have a child of their own. They probably wouldn't want him around any more.

"Sorry, you didn't answer me" Tessa spoke tentatively, almost as if she was afraid to break him. "Its been one hell of a day. Jem and I are trying to finish the nursery."

Kit looked down avoiding her eyes. "I'm sorry" he breathed out, unable to speak any louder then just above a whisper. It would require too much effort. " I just dont feel well".

I just dont feel well.

I think I'm sick.

These are the phrases Kit kept repeating over and over again. Different ways to tell Tessa how he was feeling without actually telling her.

Tessa sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. "Ok, but it seems like you haven't been feeling well for awhile now" Tessa explained worridly. "If you need to talk about anything, I'm here." Tessa gave him a comforting smile. Kit was still trying to avoid looking her in the eye.

Why is this so hard? She might understand.

No, She won't. No one will.

Kit could feel his eyes beginning to water. Tessa gently rested a hand on his shoulder. She was biting her lip in contemplation as if deciding what to say.

"Kit listen" she began. " let's say supposedly you had something wrong with your physical health. Maybe a heart defect or a brain tumor or something".

Kit looked up slightly alarmed, "but I dont have a brain tumor?" He cocked his head slightly in confusion.

Tessa looked like she was fighting a smile. "No, but just bear with me here ok?" She pulled her legs up onto the bed so she was sitting crosslegged and then took a deep breath Kit felt the urge to apologize, but instead shook it off. Maybe she wasn't annoyed. Perhaps this was something completely different then Tessa telling him off.

"So, as I was saying" she continued, " if you had something wrong with your physical health you would do your best to seek treatment or talk to a doctor. Right? Or at the very least, you would tell someone".

Kit wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer

"I guess yeah. But I dont get what this has to do with anything" Kit replied hesitantly.

Tessa gently took his hand. " My point is, if you would seek help for a physical problem then why wouldn't you do the same for your mental health?"

Kit inhaled sharply. She wasn't supposed to know. Perhaps he wasn't being as discreet as he thought. His instincts were telling him to deflect or deny it. Do something to make her stop looking at him like that.

But the minute he opened his mouth, he was hit by a wave of lethargy and all that came out was a slow and quiet exhale. Barely noticable to the human ear.

That was all he was capable of managing to defend himself. He was just too tired.

Tessa began to rub slow circles against his back as a comforting gesture. "Hey" she whispered soothingly. "Its gonna be ok. You'll be fine, we can get you help." Kit lifted his lead back up and turned towards Tessa to meet her eyes. " I thought shadowhunters weren't supposed to go to therapy?" Kit asked with a slight hint of hostility. Which he instantly regretted. Tessa remained unfazed and continued to smile at him sympathetically. "Yes well we aren't exactly a part of shadowhunter culture right now, and even if we were, nephilum attitudes towards therapy are something that needs to change as soon as possible." Kit nodded along, behaving almost as if he was in some sort of trance. Not fully processing what Tessa was saying. He could hear her continuing on with her reassurances, making plans and promises. He wanted to be happy someone cared enough to try and help him.

But he just couldn't feel it.

"I dont know" Kit deflected, turning his head away. " I just don't know if it'll help, I feel like nothing I do makes anything better".

Tessa was silent.

Sensing a pause in the conversation, Kit layed back down horizontally on top of the bed. Just talking alone seemed to take a lot out of him. He waited for Tessa to say something but there was only silence.

Silence, and then "you should talk to Will".

Now that defenetly got Kit's attention. He shot back up like a rocket and turned to face Tessa again. At first he thought maybe it was some attempt at humor but she looked deadly serious.

"Talk to Will? How?" Kit asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

Tessa rolled her eyes fondly while still maintaining a small smile. "Kit, I know you can see ghosts. Every Herondale can. So that means you should also be able to see Will and I think he could help you. He has dealt with feelings like yours before. You could almost say that mental illness might be a bit of a Herondale family trait."

Before Kit could respond. Tessa was standing up. " I need to start thinking about what we're having for dinner later and I need to call Magnus. If you want to talk to either me or Jem, we will be in the living room. But I would reccomend taking my advice." Tessa finished, rolling back her shoulders and shaking out the kinks in her upper back and arms. She started towards the door.

"Wait." Kit called after her. Tessa paused to listen. Kit drew all the strength he had to conjure up a smile. "Thank you."

Tessa returned his smile, "Your welcome sweetheart." Then she turned and disappeared down the hallway.

Kit lay back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He had a feelings things still wouldn't be easy, but for the first time in awhile he was experiencing something besides the empty blackness. Something completely different.

Hope.

#kit x ty #kit herondale #mental health #the dark artifices #tda #mental health acceptance #mood disorder

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jessi-writes-fandoms · 4 years

Text

A new beginning: An OC story

Chapter 2

Another week had passed and Remedy and Nightshade were feeling right at home. Nightshade was slowly starting to come out of her shell, mostly because Remedy would force her out of their room. Remedy had dragged Nightshade over to Swerve’s bar so she could meet some of the others, Remedy was sitting at the bar chatting and laughing with Swerve, Chromedome and Rewind, each of them exchanging stories and jokes. Meanwhile Nightshade was sitting by herself just trying to avoid the noise coming from the other side of the room. After some time Whirl had asked to join her, she happily allowed him to join her in the mild silence of the dark corner.

“You don’t talk much do you?” Nightshade Kept her gaze at the wall next to her. “this just isn’t really my scene you know?” Whirl tilted his helm in confusion. “Then why are you here? Wouldn’t you be happier somewhere else?” Nightshade gave a long sigh and looked over at the bar where Remedy and a few of the others were having a good time. “I wish I could be more open like Remedy, despite what she did back on Cybertron the thought of being hated never really occurred to her.” Whirl looked over at the others and just groaned. Popularity is overrated, sure she probably loves being everyone’s friend but she’ll learn that it’s not all happy fun time around here. Did they tell you guys about the sparkeater that was on board a while back?” Nightshade was snapped from her thoughts. “There was a what?!”

Over at the bar Remedy was telling everyone about the many planets she and Nightshade have been to on their runaway adventure over the past couple thousand years. “I gotta say my favorite planet we been to was Earth, we pretty much used our holo avatars the entirety we were there. It’s amazing no one found us, I mean weren’t a majority of Autobots and Decepticons on earth as well? Oh and the music that the organics have is amazing!” The others simply laughed and continued on asking more about their adventures. Swerve slid another glass of high grade to Remedy. “So what exactly do you plan to do when all this is over, you know the whole finding the knights of Cybertron thing?” Remedy’s sweet cheerful smile suddenly turned to a scared and sad frown, she then took a swig of the high grade. “Ratchet said I could still possibly be arrested for what I did and Nightshade could be killed.” The others stared at her in disbelief, Rewind then gave Remedy a small hug.

“They won’t hurt you guys, they just can’t! Nightshade doesn’t seem like the type to hurt anyone and you’re too cute to be locked away.” Remedy gave a weak smile and thanked her new friends for caring so much for her and Nightshade despite them still being strangers on the large ship. Suddenly Rodimus walked into the bar and sat next to Remedy. “Well helloooo nurse~ how are you enjoying your stay? What am I talking about, you love it here! Look at you being all social and getting so much attention, but I’m sure you’re used to that.” Remedy gave a questioning look, not sure exactly how to respond. “uh.... not really? I kinda been with one other bot for the past couple thousand years.” Rodimus simply gave her a sly smirk. “C’mon Rem a femme like you should get all the attention, you deserve it.” Remedy rolled her optics and turned away from the captain. “I don’t seek attention from anyone.” Rodimus let out a bored sigh but continued to pester the young nurse. “Look you’re an attractive bot I bet there’s someone on this ship you got the hots for.”

Remedy suddenly froze, a faint blush crawling across her face. Sure there was a certain mech who she had thoughts about but she just pushes them aside, besides she’d never tell Rodimus who it was anyway. Knowing him he would probably shout it on the comm system so the whole ship would know who she had feelings for. “I’m gonna go check on Nightshade, I will see you guys later.” She then got up from the bar and walked over to the dark corner where Remedy and Whirl were seated and Whirl left to leave the two alone to talk. Nightshade gave Remedy a concerned look. “What’s wrong? You were having so much fun with the others and Rodimus actually talked to you!” Remedy sighed and sat down across from her good friend. “He always talks to me and it’s always flirting and asking who I have a crush on.” Nightshade lowered her wings in sadness and darted her eyes from Remedy’s gaze. I guess it’s not surprising he would flirt with you, you’re so pretty and I can barely talk to anyone. Wait you don’t have a crush on him do you?!” Remedy raised her servos in defense. “No, hell no I would never- Why would you even assume I liked him?”

“I seen the way he looks at you, and you always said you were a sucker for smooth talkers. Remember the other day when he pulled you from the medbay just so he could ask you about your hobbies and interests, then he started using all those pick up lines?” Remedy Rolled her optics remembering that annoyingly long five minutes of Rodimus asking about her personal interests and saying something stupid. “He’s really annoying, Ultra Magnus must be losing his shit dealing with him. I just wish he wouldn’t ask personal questions about who I have a crush on.” Nightshade suddenly looked at Remedy, her wings perked up in curiosity. “Do you have a crush on someone? You can tell me I promise not to laugh or say anything I swear!” Remedy sighed and gave in. “Ok fine. There is a mech I been thinking a lot about lately. We kinda had an awkward first meeting but something about him made my spark skip a beat.” Nightshade pulled Remedy out of the bar and grabbed her shoulder. “Tell me who it is already!” Remedy took a deep breath and told Nightshade the whole thing. “It’s Drift, but it’s just a crush, a phase nothing more. I told you I can’t do relationships anymore, not after all the pain they’ve caused me.”

Later that night on the opposite side of the Lost Light Rodimus was going over some things with Drift. “So Magnus was saying we should stop at this next planet, no idea what the name of it is but- Drift are you even listening?” Drift had been in a daze the entirety Rodimus was speaking to him. He had been doing this a lot recently and it was starting to get on Rodimus’ nerves. “What’s with you lately, you’re constantly zoning out and ignoring everyone. Drift? DRIFT?!” Drift was pulled from his thoughts from Rodimus’ sudden outburst. “I’m sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about her.” Rodimus gave a questioning look to the ex con. “Who? If there’s someone keeping you from listening to me I’m gonna have a serious talk with them.” Drift sighed and decided to just come clean about the whole thing.

“It’s Remedy, we became friends but I think I like her more than that.” Rodimus simply sat there with his helm on his servo, bored out of his processor as Drift continued talking. “She’s sweet and so beautiful, she’s like an angel. When I look into her optics it’s like seeing the well of allsparks.” Rodimus let out an annoyed groan. “Yeah she’s very hot, funny you mention her because I talked to her over at Swerve’s and I asked her if she had any sort of feelings for anyone.” Drift tilted his helm slightly. “What did she say? did she say who she liked? who is it?” Rodimus leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment. “She didn’t say anything she just kinda got up and left. Swerve said something about her having a bunch of failed relationships and she refuses to let herself fall in love, some bullshit like that.” Drift’s expression changed from that of curiosity to sadness at this new information. “I should’ve known I wouldn’t have a chance with her, she probably wouldn’t feel the same way even if I was to tell her how I feel.”

“She’s a nurse all you gotta do is get hurt and maybe she’ll kiss you better!” Drift gave a deadpan look, he couldn’t believe Rodimus would suggest something so dumb, actually he could believe it. “Ok how about when we get to this next planet you ask her to go check it out with you, Magnus said It’s supposedly full of glowing flowers and amazing scenery. Swerve said she’s obsessed with beautiful scenery, he says despite her not looking for love around here she’s a hopeless romantic.” Drift let his thoughts take over, the kind of thoughts he had been experiencing a lot lately, Thoughts of He and Remedy walking servo in servo, looking into each other’s optics whispering sweet nothings to each other. He wanted no more than to just be with Remedy and make her happy. Seeing her smile made his spark jump and he wished he could see that smile forever. Her caring nature, how she saved the life of a Decepticon knowing it was wrong, she didn’t judge she simply saw someone in need and helped them. She was perfect in every way in his optics, he would one day ask her to be his sparkmate.

“When will we be arriving at this planet?” Rodimus was busy etching little doodles on the top of his desk but suddenly spoke. “I don’t know maybe 5 days or maybe even a week? You know me I barely pay attention to anything Ultra Magnus says. If I were you, I would talk to Remedy but play it cool, be smooth about it femmes love a smooth talking mech.” Drift looked over at Rodimus with skepticism clear on his face. “You’re a smooth talker and you’re still single.” Rodimus looked slightly hurt by that statement. “This isn’t about me, this is about you! Also before you ask Remedy out, you may wanna talk to Ratchet about it.” Drift gave a confused look. Rodimus simply gave a sly smirk. “Apparently Ratchet has known Remedy since she was a sparkling, he practically raised her so he’s basically like her sire. I bet he’s like one of those “dads” like they have on earth, the ones who tell guys they’re not allowed to date their daughter or whatever. Ratchet might throw a wrench at you if you ask Remedy out.” Rodimus then started laughing at the thought of Ratchet beating the shit out any mech who dares to ask out his adopted daughter.

Drift decided to take Rodimus’ advice and talk to Ratchet seeing as how he knew Remedy better than anyone else. He couldn’t help but worry that Ratchet might get angry at him for wanting to ask Remedy out, sure Ratchet had a bit of a temper at times but surely he wouldn’t actually hurt someone without a good reason. Drift stood outside the medbay contemplating wether or not he should go through with it or not, the thought of being told he can’t be with the one bot he so dearly cared about began to eat away at his spark. After a few moments he walked inside the large room. “Ratchet, there’s something I need to ask you.” Ratchet looked up from what he was doing. “What is it Drift I’m a little busy at the moment, Remedy needed a break so I told her to go get some rest.”

Drift stood there fidgeting with his digits, he thought about simply walking away but decided to just go through with it. “Ratchet, I was wondering if it would be alright if I asked Remedy out.” Ratchet looked up from his work with questioning look on his face. “Not sure why you’re asking my permission, Remedy is a full grown femme she can make her own decisions, I just don’t want her dating Rodimus.” Drift let out a relived sigh, at least he wouldn’t have to face being hit with a wrench. “I must warn you Drift that Remedy can be rather stubborn, when she wants something she’ll do whatever it takes to get it. She won’t back down from any conflict, she’s strong headed so if you and her get in an argument just save yourself the trouble and tell her she’s always right.” Drift nodded and thanked Ratchet before leaving the medbay to go recharge, tomorrow he would ask Remedy out on a date.

#transformers #mtmte #transformers fanfiction #transformers oc #oc: remedy #oc: nightshade #a new beginning: oc story #oc fanfiction #jessi writes

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alexanderlightweight · 4 years

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a choiceless hope - pt 1

ao3 link

sequel to the sensibility of cider

tags: established secret relationship, political themes, light angst, romance

Alec was exhausted but he held his head high and continued towards the Institute’s doors, intent on getting to his destination with as little outside distraction as possible.

It had been a harrowing week filled with one demon alert after the other, injured teams and a public argument with Hodge that had then turned into a nightmare of a political situation.

Four months ago Alec would have let Hodge’s behavior go and turned a blind eye to a -what he’d considered at the time- problematic but ultimately harmless attitude. Hell, even two months ago he might have done so. Now, after more than a few months of dating Magnus, he trusted his boyfriend the most out of anyone in the world and listened to his advice when it was offered.

Magnus provided a perspective and outside opinion as both an individual and also as someone in a position of authority that Alec had never tried to understand and wasn’t able to. Magnus’ offered point of view and information had shaken Alec’s world, but he’d needed it.

For the entirety of his life, Alec had been so caught up in following the rules that he’d completely lost sight of being his own person and becoming a leader his people and those whom he protected could depend on. With both his parents and his siblings in Idris he normally would have kept his head down and stuck to the status quo, just relieved to have a break from them. Instead, without even meaning to, Magnus had unintentionally changed his world in the best but most complicated of ways.

Which led to this.

At some point during their conversations, Alec had realized that having a former Circle member -especially one that was on permanent house arrest- teach anything other than sparring and drills was not only a security risk but also a terrible idea. Even if, as no doubt his parents would prefer, he blatantly ignored the fact that Hodge was a completely biased teacher and someone who had been radical enough to join a genocidal movement, there were still other issues.

Enough so, he had managed to compile an entire file of reasons that had nothing to do with morals and ethics, just to make sure that no one among the Clave could contest his findings.

Hodge was an Institutional nightmare on paper, let alone in person.

The man had gone straight from training in Idris to joining the ranks of Valentine’s genocidal little group. He’d never participated in life at an Institute until after his sentencing and the little he did know of the mundane world came from books, research and an assortment of unsanctioned Circle raids. He’d never once participated in or been a part of an actual team, nor had he gone out on hunts whose main purpose was keeping both mundanes and the Shadowworld safe. Overall, he had absolutely no idea what he was doing and the fact that he’d done it for as long as he had, while completely unchecked, was utterly appalling.

As if that weren’t enough -and it was- Alec had gone over backlogs and old reports while conducting his own assessment and realized that while Hodge was a good combat instructor, he was a terrible strategist and had very little understanding of teamwork or how much skill navigating a city like New York took. It was with that in mind that Alec had finally put forward his case and today he’d both received the news and then had to be the bearer of it.

To say that he was looking forward to seeing Magnus was an understatement.

Magnus respected him as a person, as an adult and as a leader. It was probably one of the reasons why Alec was so willing to listen to him.

If they disagreed on something it could get a little rough. Magnus and he both had an immense capability for pettiness, however it was never purposefully painful. The worst thing that had ever happened was Magnus slamming the balcony door in his face and Alec, after staring at it in shock and getting his head on straight, had found himself laughing at the entire situation with Magnus not even two nights later. Alec felt a comforting sense of security, knowing that his boyfriend would never begrudge him affection, even if they were arguing.

Magnus had opinions and he didn’t hesitate to share them but at the same time, while his disappointment was painful enough, Alec knew that it was never intended as a weapon to hurt him.

Magnus pursed his lips at an errant potion and narrowed his eyes threateningly. It was not a complex potion, merely a time consuming one with a few ingredients that were younger than he’d realized, which caused the brewing time to be extended. Considering that Alec was on his way over he was very tempted to just scrap the entire batch and redo it another time. With a groan he shook his head and reminded himself to stay committed to the task. He had not survived for centuries only to lose his patience because the man he loved, who he had yet to confess to, was on his way over. Alec was more than capable of letting himself in and entertaining himself until Magnus was done.

That resolve might have lasted longer if at that very moment the door hadn’t opened and Alec hadn’t called out a hello. The sound of his name being said like a cry of relief made Magnus heart trip over itself and he was about to snap his fingers and vanish the brew when his study door was gently pushed open.

“Hey.”

“Alexander,” Magnus said and Alec came close, leaning over the desk of ingredients to press a kiss to his jaw. “Let me just clean this up.”

Alec caught his raised hand and kissed his fingers, a spark of magic extinguishing against his lips and the trust there that Alec always showed nearly made Magnus swoon.

“I can wait till you’re done. I need to go clean off anyway.” Alec pressed one last kiss to his knuckles and then left with a tired though happy smile and Magnus only just managed to switch his attention back to the potion.

It was a with a renewed sense of urgency that he measured the remaining ingredients and expertly stirred the potion. His mind was hyper vigilant, reminding himself that quicker to finish meant a faster reward and the prize he had waiting was one he very much intended on enjoying. Finally it was done and he bottled it, a little dismayed when he glanced at the clock and realized just how much time had passed.

At the moment with Alec only having the title of Interim Head but having all of the responsibilities of the official position of Head of the Institute, they both had to be careful. Neither had been exactly sure what they were doing or where they were going with their relationship at the start, but things had changed and now Magnus was aware, as was Alec, that they were both in this for the long haul.

It had helped that throughout their relationship, Alec’s family had been away. He’d had time to process and find security not only in his own feelings but in his confidence as a leader and as an individual in a relationship with another person.

It also meant that Alec didn’t sleep over nearly as often as Magnus would have preferred, especially as their relationship was still very much on the down low. While officially Alec had no one to answer to, and when at one point Hodge had tried to demand an answer, he’d shut the man down his lover still practiced caution. Someday soon he hoped that Alexander living with him would become a reality he could cherish but it wasn’t time just yet.

As it was, Magnus had planned to slip in and enjoy the end of Alec’s shower with him. Instead he found his boyfriend submerged in the tub. A surprising but in no way unwelcome sight and he paused at the doorway to admire Alec’s peaceful face and smile at the fact that his lover was submerged in a bath full of very purple liquid.

“Is there room for one more?” He asked and Alec blinked up at him in the dim bathroom light before raising one very salty brow.

“There better be, or you’re not as magical as you claim to be.”

Magnus laughed and snapped his fingers, vanishing his clothing to his closet and Alec moved just enough to let Magnus slip in behind him. The water was still piping hot and Alec settled back against him immediately, turning just enough to press a kiss to his collarbone and then relaxing with a sigh.

“This is better,” he said and he raised a hand and flapped his fingers expectantly until Magnus gave in and happily offered his own fingers to embrace.

“It is a nice way to end a long day.” A few moments passed and Magnus let himself soak up the heat and the weight of Alec against him, “are we talking about your day? Or is that a conversation for tomorrow?”

Alec huffed but his grip remained relaxed and his thumb traced little patterns on back of Magnus’ hand.

“We can talk about it now. I heard back from the Clave.”

Magnus tensed a bit but managed to keep himself mostly calm, not quite trusting his words and instead asking Alec to continue with an inquisitive hum.

Hodge had been a point of contention between them and one of the reasons for their first true argument. Their kiss goodnight that night had tasted bitter and Magnus had clung to Alec in their parting embrace, hoping that he hadn’t pushed too fast and too hard, knowing that Alec was young and new to not only relationships but the reality of their world.

However, Magnus was who he was and not even the love he had for Alec would not cause him to turn a blind eye when he could instead impart knowledge. He’d lived far too long to let his personal attachments and worries stop him from educating someone in a position of power and Alec was in that position just from being angel-blooded.

That Alec had listened to him had filled him with hope and later, after they’d reconciled and sat down to talk, Alec had promised to let Magnus speak first without arguing and when Magnus had finished, he’d asked for some time to think. Magnus had given it, working on potions and keeping himself busy as Alec paced the balcony.

He’d been worried at the time that the indoctrination and radical beliefs of Alec’s childhood were too strong, that perhaps they ran too deep.

Instead Alec had looked sheepish and apologetic when he’d finally come inside, cheeks windburn and nose pink from the cold.

He hadn’t needed time to understand what Magnus was saying, he’d needed time to breathe and pace because what Magnus said had made too much sense and it was shattering his worldview. The life he’d built was made all on the foundation that the law was the law, not only because it was hard but because it was right. Alec had always lived by the law and only ever twisted it -never quite breaking it- his entire life. Magnus knew for a fact that he knew the law, perhaps better than anyone, just so that if he ever needed to, he could use the law to his advantage.

For Alec, finding out that the law he’d based his life so rigorously upon when he was young and adrift was a bit like making a home only to realize that the leveler he’d used was broken. The pieces that he’d so meticulously cut from himself were uneven and nothing fit together.

“The Clave has agreed that the position Hodge currently holds is one that creates a conflict of interest. As such, they have rescinded his ability to access not only the Institutes database but also his authority as anything other than a combat trainer. I received a new intelligence specialist today, Mirai Lakecastle. She’ll take over our mission protocols as well as intelligence gathering. An inquiry will also be started, as to why Hodge had the security clearance he did in the first place. It was approved by the Clave years ago, so that part at least is no longer my problem.”

Magnus waited until Alec finished talking and then let out a shuddering sigh and wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’m so proud of you.”

“You’re the only one who is.” Alec scoffed and Magnus ached, wondering just what was going through his lover’s head. “Jace and Izzy come back from Idris in a couple of weeks, but my parents will be staying there longer due to politics.” Alec continued and he sounded exhausted, “I miss them but I’m not sure how to deal with them.”

“Oh? I thought you were excited to have them return.” Magnus wondered at the sudden change of subject but supposed it was all intrinsically related, as most complicated things were.

“I am, or I was but it’s different now.”

“Because of me?”

“No.” Alec snorted and Magnus tried not to feel too offended, “you’re the easiest part of this whole insanity, Magnus. My siblings they don't… they’ve never cared about the law. And right now, if I’m going to make it through this, I’ll become official head of the institute sooner rather than later.”

“So?”

“While this situation with Hodge is under investigation my Institute is going to be even more under review than usual. Jace and Izzy don’t abide by the rules and me being in charge isn’t going to change that. They’ve never respected it before and they won’t understand why they need to now.”

“Surely they won’t want to jeopardize your position.”

“They won’t see it as that, they’ll think it’s just me being a downer, not letting or wanting them to have any fun.”

“Just because you respect the rules doesn’t mean you’re not any fun.” Magnus said, upset on Alec’s behalf. His boyfriend may be a little taciturn with strangers at times but Alec was always excited and ready for an adventure.

“Magnus, everything is different with you . I’m different, because of you.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Maybe one day I would have said yes but no, it’s not. It’s the best thing in the world. Being different is perfect because it means I have you.”

Magnus was glad that Alec couldn’t see him, couldn’t see the way his glamour dropped and his eyes filled with happy tears and he tightened his hold on Alec.

“I’m glad I have you too, Alexander.”

Lakecastle was not at all what Alec was expecting but she was exactly what he needed. She’d arrived late in the night during prime hunting hours and Alec had been out on one of his firsts hunts in weeks. The demons in question were quick and rather than send a team out to suffer hunting them for hours, he’d added himself to the rotation, knowing it would be easier and quicker with a long range specialist.

She was waiting for him when he got back in what could have felt like an ambush, if Alec had cared for such things. Instead he’d been tired but satisfied. The thrill of a successful hunt still thrumming in his veins as he escorted one of his youngest shadowhunters, who was still two years older than him, to the infirmary. An in field iratze had healed the wound but Alec preferred to have his hunters have a full workup to avoid complications like venom poisoning later on.

“Lightwood, it’s fine.” Darkwater told him once again and Alec rolled his eyes, allowing a nod to the newcomer but not leaving his position as escort.

“Then it will be fine once you’ve had it checked out, officially.”

Alec heard the mutter and was distracted from his observation to turn sternly and stare at Darkwater.

“What was that?” He left no room for excuses and his voice and eyes were hard as he stared the man down.

“Sorry.” Darkwater said without actually sounding apologetic, more sheepish at being caught than anything else. “It’s just, your team never does this.”

Alec opened his mouth to protest and then closed it, taking a breath as he thought through it and remembered the feeling of not having the whole picture.

“That’s somewhat true.” He allowed, “but not entirely accurate. Hodge and Izzy often acted as field medics during briefing, which isn’t one of their official duties. Now, due to a pending investigation and as Hodge is unqualified for that kind of service, he is no longer available. Likewise, my sister is in Idris and while she is an accomplished scientist, she is not medic qualified which means she too will no longer be doing that. That she ever was is an oversight that I’ve already begun to rectify.”

Darkwater frowned but nodded, stripping out of his clothes as the medic came over and Alec watched with a furrow in his brow as they worked. He wondered just how often his example was followed to the detriment of others health and silently made a vow to lead by a more visible example.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he said and then gave a short nod, “you did well tonight.”

“Alexander Lightwood?”

“It’s Lightwood, or Alec.” Alec said and reached out to take the hand offered him, “Mirai Lakecastle?”

“Yes, the Clave informed you of my arrival?”

Alec nodded and motioned for her to follow him, “you made good time.”

“The Clave didn’t feel they could afford to sit on this matter any longer than they already had.” Lakecastle said and Alec nodded his understanding, “however they were impressed by your actions. You clearly run a tight ship here.”

“Not tight enough if security issues like the one Hodge presents are considered the normal.”

Lakecastle gave him a tightlipped but sympathetic smile, “but instead of letting it remain the status quo, you risked poking a nest of ravenors.”

Alec paused in their walk, he’d been automatically leading Lakecastle to his parents office but he realized now it was more unofficially his office, as he used it more than they ever did.

“It came to my attention that having Hodge preside as he had, while not obviously damaging, was not in the best interests of my Institute. Or for the safety of my shadowhunters. I also had concerns about the potential ramifications of having someone who was once an active part of the Circle so closely involved with downworld relations.”

“Is that something you’re interested in, protecting downworlder interests?” There was no censor in Lakecastle’s voice but Alec did note the sudden gleam of interest in her eyes. Even a routine answer could be enough for her to report unfavorably to the Clave but he found himself pausing and gathering his thoughts as they stepped into the office and he gestured to a seat before taking his own.

“Downworlders are a part of the Shadowworld. It’s our duty to not only protect mundanes and the integrity of remaining hidden, but also keep safe those within the Shadowworld. So yes, I consider their protection to be important.”

Lakecastle watched him without comment for a moment before nodding and it was only because Alec was watching her so carefully that he saw how her shoulders relaxed just slightly.

“There were some concerns due to your family history, I’m glad to see that they won’t be a problem.”

“What does my family have to do with anything?” Alec asked with a frown, it was true that Izzy and Jace were hardly discrete in their dalliances among downworlders. But the only thing that might jeopardize his position was their recklessness and his past habit of following Hodge’s example and sweeping it under the rug.

Lakecastle seemed to still but when her eyes met Alec’s she gave nothing away and simply tilted her head, “Nothing.” Was all she said, “After all, you and not your family are in charge.”

“For the moment.” Alec reminded her, “My parents are still the officials Heads of the Institute.”

Lakecastle hummed noncommittally but Alec recognized the look in her eye and did his best to stay quiet. Something was clearly afoot in Idris, which meant that perhaps his parents were being considered for a more political role and his temporary leadership would become permanent. The possibility sent a thrill of excitement through him. Established leaders of a successful Institute held a lot more power than just someone who was the heir to a prestigious lineage.

If he had that, some sort of sway in the Clave, or at least records good enough that they couldn’t be dismissed then no one could truly use Magnus against him, or him against Magnus. Instead of being a weakness for each other, they could easily become strong political allies and the idea of it was intoxicating. Instead of just listening to Magnus and learning of problems, he could use what power he had to start implementing a real change and leave behind a legacy of peace rather than bloodshed and domination.

Magnus woke to a muttered curse and the fumbling of a belt being undone in the dark, he kept his eyes closed and let a smile spread across his face. He’d asked Alec to come by after his patrol and argued with his lover when he’d declined. Alec had been insistent that he’d be done with patrol too late to do anything other than disturb Magnus’ sleep but Magnus had been very firm on the fact that he didn’t care if he was woken up, he’d actually prefer it. He knew that Alec was a strong shadowhunter and a good leader, but he couldn’t stop himself from worrying.

To hear Alec’s quiet curses, his fumbling movement and then to feel his presence as he padded with silent footsteps to the bathroom and then when he was done, back to bed, made Magnus relax. True Alec had woken him up, but before his sleep was restless and now he felt as though the few hours he would catch with Alec in his arms were well worth the disturbance.

Alec slid into bed, fingers brushing Magnus’ arm as he sought him out and Magnus kept his breathing deep and even, not wanting Alec to feel guilty… or for him to feel smug that he’d been right about waking Magnus up. Alec gave a small huff of pleasure and wriggled closer, trying to be considerate and careful. It wasn’t until a moment later that his truly arctic toes pressed against Magnus’ calf that he broke the facade and cursed.

“Alexander, your feet are freezing!”

Alec let out a startled yelp and pushed away from Magnus. Accidentally kicking him in a move that would no doubt leave bruises on Magnus’ shin while propelling himself out of bed. Magnus tried to hold back a laugh but found himself chuckling as he summoned a small silver light to illuminate the room. Alec was blinking up at him from the floor, wearing only boxers and a confused expression and rubbing at a red mark on his chin.

“I guess I woke you up after all,” he said and he sounded so sad about it that Magnus couldn’t help but laugh harder still.

“I was awake the moment you stepped into my room, my oh-so-mighty shadowhunter.” Magnus teased and he propped himself up in bed, holding out a hand and grinning at his boyfriend. “Now come to bed properly so we can warm you before you lose something to frostbite. I refuse to lose my favorite shadowhunter because of a chill.”

Alec gave a sheepish laugh and took his hand, letting himself be pulled up and into bed. Magnus was happy to curl around him, gliding his fingers up and down Alec’s torso a few times, letting himself feel that there were no bandages or obvious wounds on Alec’s body before he settled his hand low on Alec’s belly.

Alec pushed back against him, a happy hum in the deep of his throat and if they both hadn’t been so tired it might have led to something else but for now, it was a content intimacy and Magnus pressed his lips against Alec’s shoulder and let the summoned light fade.

It was overly bright by the time Alec woke up and Magnus, who had gone to bed long before his boyfriend had ever come home, was now going over paperwork. There was a grumble from the bedroom, a sleepy murmur protesting the sun and a noise that Magnus had become used to whenever Alec woke to find himself alone. Summoning a new cup of tea, Magnus made his way to the room, a soft smile breaking out on his face as he entered and found Alec sprawled across the entirety of the bed, head pillowed in the indent Magnus had left.

“Morning darling,” he said and was rewarded with a soft grunt and Alec burying his face further into the mattress. Magnus let his robe fall from his shoulders and dance over to his dresser as he slid into the bed. His thigh brushed Alec’s forehead and his lover nuzzled the bare skin there and pressed a little kiss to it before throwing his arm over Magnus’ waist and sighing contentedly.

“I have breakfast.” Magnus told him, a little bribe to start the morning but Alec shook his head, grip tightening in silent complaint.

Magnus just smiled, time like this was precious and he didn’t mind spending it here with Alec and the dawn of a new day. Once Alec’s family arrived he knew their time might become even more short and precious but ultimately stolen moments.

While Alec did plan on telling his siblings about their relationship, he was going to wait until they’d calm down from their return. According to his lover, the Lightwood siblings tended to return from Idris rather stir crazy, add to that the new changes, well it would be best not to bombard them with everything that was new.

“I’m still worried about Jace and Izzy.” Alec confessed quietly and here, in the quiet of Magnus’ room it didn’t feel like a betrayal. Magnus made a soft noise, an indication that he was listening and Alec reached out to thread their fingers together so he could admire Magnus’ elegant hands and play with the shiny rings there. “I didn’t realize until recently just how much damage Hodge and I were doing. They’ve never faced consequences for their actions and they don’t follow any of the necessary protocols, even though they should. I’ve begun to lead by a strict example but I’m worried that they’ll undermine it, maybe without even trying to.”

“You can’t control or predict their actions and they are adults, adults who should and do know better.”

“But I’m the oldest, it’s my job to protect them.”

“Alexander, you can’t live your entire life under their shadow or living for them. You are your own person and they are theirs, they can’t be children under your wings forever.”

Alec shuddered and turned his face further against Magnus’ hip, gripping his hand tightly.

“My entire life has been about them, to protect them. To be better for them. What am I without that?”

“No matter what path you travel, just a few actions alone are not enough to define you. Protecting your family is a huge part of who you are, but it’s not the only important thing about you. You can love and take care of your siblings without sacrificing your sense of self and your happiness for them.” Magnus told him gently and ran fingers delicately through his hair, “it’s not a crime to want more for yourself, or to build a life that doesn’t have them at the center.”

“I want you.”

“And you have me.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

Magnus snorted, “you don’t get to deserve me, Alexander. You can’t put a price on a person or their affection. No, I know,” he said before Alec could interrupt. “Your parents raised you a certain way and that’s not your fault. You were taught that affection and love were earned as a reward and taken away as a punishment, but that isn’t a universal truth. just an unjust practice.”

“So they come back and I what, just let them fail and punish them for it? When it’s my fault to begin with?”

“It’s not your fault.” Magnus repeated, “From what you’ve told me, your sister and parabatai are intelligent beings, they’ve just been spoiled. If anything, you’re protecting them by teaching them this lesson now. We both know that you won’t always be there for them, not even by your own actions. It’s a fact of the life you live that the Clave could transfer them, or they could request a transfer or they could fall in love or go down an entirely different career path. Pampered nephilim do not succeed anywhere outside of Idris, remember that when you’re dealing with them and you’ll both be fine.”

Alec made a muffled noise of agreement and Magnus wished they were discussing this in a little more formal of a setting so that he could see his lover’s face. Instead, he had to contend with deciphering noises and watching the muscles of Alec’s back contract or relax.

“What scares you the most about all of this? It can’t just be disappointing them,” Magnus asked quietly.

“I love my family. I’ll always love them and I want them safe, but I don’t think they’re my priority anymore.”

“That’s okay.” Magnus promised him, “it doesn’t mean you care for them any less.”

Alec was quiet, not wanting to put the burden of his truth on Magnus. That while he didn’t care for his siblings any less, he did care for Magnus more and in a very different way. It wasn’t a bad thing, he knew that intellectually but in other ways he felt like he’d failed his siblings.

“You’re allowed to put yourself first, Alexander. Anyone who truly cares for you will understand that, I promise.”

Alec bit his lip to hold back a reply and tried to stifle the worry that lingered in his heart. There was a part of him, however small it was, that worried about just how true that statement was. Someday soon he was going to get proof of whether or not his family understand the truth that Magnus imparted so easily, and just how much they actually cared about him.

#shadowhunters #malec fic #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #my writing #my fic #fanfic #fanfiction #sh fic #shadowhunters fic

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centaurianthropology · 4 years

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The Magnus Archives Season 4 Binge-a-thon (Contains spoilers through the finale)

I’m back! Life and work have been crazy, but I really wanted to binge the half-season since I last listened in order to get in on the season finale. It’s been quite the experience. The last time I binged TMA was season 1, since I started listening at the beginning of season 2. I had really wondered which way was better listening: twenty minutes every week, having things play out gradually, or in one huge go.

I have to say, things flow really well as one run-through binge. I couldn’t say I hands-down prefer doing it this way, but that the structure really holds up as a binge. Plus, the evolving storyline begins to run at a less gradual pace. The build-up of tension is strong, and I really ended up enjoying my binge.

I think part of the danger of listening to each week is that you get lost in the minutia. It lets you pick over everything, which can be great, but it can also be frustrating. The character choices are that much more maddening when you have to wait a week to see how things turn out (and one character in particular in this latter half of season 4 I found particularly frustrating, so I think that listening week by week to that would have been a challenge).

I figured I’d go through some thoughts on the episodes, starting with where I left off at ‘Decrypted’ and going from there. I’ll be talking about episodes in little chunks as I go, with random comments in each section:

Decrypted, Infectious Doubts, Threshold

It’s interesting how much the Lonely was infecting the whole Institute at this stage in the story, although during these episodes it seemed like everyone hadn’t quite noticed it. Or they’d gotten so used to it during Jon’s coma that they stopped noticing how bad things were getting.

Listening now, it seems like Basira got hit the hardest, and that combines with the fact that she also seems to notice it the least. While in season 3 she was the level-headed one, here she’s trying to take that level-headedness too far. She wants all the answers so she can make the best decisions, but she refuses to wait for answers, and she refuses to acknowledge that those answers might be complicated.

The Lonely may also be the explanation for her detachment. As in the plot as she is, she’s desperate to not engage emotionally with any of it. Even Daisy seems to be held at arms-length, and Jon is labeled a monster without any unpacking of that term or what it would mean. She also seems to refuse to address how close Jon and Daisy’s behaviors have been, at their worst, and that Jon is in the throes of his hunger, while Daisy was starved of hers forcibly. She chooses to remain calm and chooses to work to overcome the Hunt, but her initial detox program was very much not of her own choosing. She has simply chosen to stick to it, to embrace the good thing that came out of her imprisonment in the Buried. Jon is struggling because he’s not being forcibly weaned, and no amount of Basira calling him a monster is going to prompt him to stop.

I think that Basira, at this point, is perhaps the most blinkered of the characters. She’s so focused on results that she refuses to do any sort of self-inventory. She’s so convinced of her own rationality that she misses the places where she’s irrational: Jon has always been a semi-threat to her, so she can much more easily slide into thinking of him as a monster. Daisy, on the other hand, was her partner; someone she trusted and cared about. It’s much harder to look at someone you love and call them a monster. She can see the shades of gray in Daisy, but it’s easier to ignore them in Jon.

As much as I think Basira likes to think of herself as the rational one, I think Melanie and Daisy fit that better at this point. Both have passed through their own marking by one of the powers, and both have had their own time as monsters. And that gives them both an outsider’s perspective on the situation, and an insider’s perspective. And both had to be forcibly wrenched away from their respective powers. As much as Melanie resents being torn away against her will, without any say in how it happened, she now has the perspective to look at Jon’s monstrousness as both something very not good, but something complicated. Her own feelings toward Jon are complicated. He helped her, but he took away her free will to do it. He’s a monster, but so was she.

Daisy is even further along that path of understanding, having been given a LOT of time to think in the Buried about herself and her choices. She understands far more than Melanie, and far far more than Basira how the lines between monster and personal choice blur until there is no hard line between them. She has to own all her choices, because she may have been deep in the hunt, but being chosen by a power often happens because you love it as much as you fear it. With perspective, she knows that her choices were awful. That she was awful. But in that moment, she chose the Hunt every time.

She wants to help Jon and Martin, but also knows that people need to want her help before it can really be given. I think that’s why she left as soon as Martin told her to go. If he wanted to reject her help, she couldn’t stop him.

Melanie is also embracing perspective, choosing to go to therapy. Choosing to make herself better. If she’s doing that, her demand that Jon also do better carries more weight. He’s not yet wrenched free, but he like Daisy still has choices to make. They’re just a lot harder when he’s inside looking out.

Jon, of course, is deep into his own monsterhood, his guilt, and his isolation. The guilt is keeping him at least a little grounded, but the isolation is definitely not helping him not become a monster. People overcoming addiction have to make the choice themselves, yes, but they also need support. They need people to hold them accountable, but also know what they’ve been through so genuinely useful advice can be given. Confronting Jon was necessary to prevent him descending further, but I feel like Daisy’s understanding and Melanie’s therapy probably helped more than Basira’s “You’re a monster; don’t eat people” statement.

Martin wasn’t in any of these episodes, but he continues to reach out in ways that keep him at as much of an emotional arm’s length as Basira, simply without any of the confrontation. He gave the tape to Daisy and the others after he found out about Jon feeding on people, but didn’t confront him himself. He’s avoiding all contact with people, making it ‘easier’. He may have a plan, but he’s also deeply infected by the Lonely. Like Basira, I wonder if he has much perspective on himself. They both think they’re playing things smart, but they both seem to be missing glaring parts of the world closing in around them.

Weaver, Extended Surveillance, Concrete Jungle

Jon’s addiction is tied into desire, and also into terror, and also it’s as much a choice as it is for people addicted to drugs to take their next hit. They do know it’s not good for them, but they make the choice, because it feels good, because they love it as much as they hate it. And that analogy, in spite of never being directly brought up in these episodes, continues to be driven home by the statements he reads. A relationship with an addiction is complicated, and is often used as a substitute for something else initially. How much of Jon’s embracing of the Eye was originally driven by his terror of the Web, deep seated and still child-like? I think he fears Annabel Caine more than any other avatar, because she strikes at his worst fear: to be manipulated, to be pushed back to his childhood helplessness, to be lured and consumed against his will. Isn’t it better, from his perspective, to be consumed by his will, by a power he knows and in many ways loves?

One thing I’ve noticed is that the people who are servants of powers embrace those powers as much as they fear them. It’s not a new revelation to say that Jude Perry loves the Desolation, or that Jane Prentiss both loved and feared the Corruption. But seeing that in Jon is harder, because he has something that they seemed to lack: moral qualms about what he’s doing. He can acknowledge that the Beholding is as bad as any of the others, but how much of that is an intellectual acknowledgement? How much of him revels in the Knowing in a way in the same way Jane reveled in the song of the hive?

But of course, in his isolation, he’s struggling to hold onto those intellectual moral qualms, when the hunger is so strong. He can recognize the justifications for harm in other monsters, and even in himself, but his recognition isn’t the visceral pull that the hunger is. And with a very rickety support system, it feels almost inevitable that he’ll tip over and feed again. His one saving grace right now seems to be that his skill at analysis is just as powerful when turned against himself as it is when it’s turned outside. He knows he’s slipping. He knows that he no longer cares as much about investigation, about the victims of statements, as he does getting his next story, his next hit. And no amount of admonishment is going to stop that craving.

The other thing that seems to keep him anchored is Martin, but that’s an anchor growing more and more distant, closer to his intellectual understanding and further away from the deep-seated emotional attachment that might be enough to overcome the hunger. Jon is continually concerned about Martin, wondering how he is to anyone who will listen. I think of Gertrude being Agnes’ anchor, both holding one another to the world. That was done to them, but I have to wonder if Martin and Jon have started anchoring one another simply through affinity. Martin is trying to cut off all ties, but he keeps looking out for Jon. He can’t help but try to keep Jon good and as human as possible.

The conversation between Georgie and Martin was interesting. Georgie has chosen to help Melanie because Melanie isn’t as deep in it as Jon, and because Melanie is actively seeking therapy and help. Georgie seems firmly in the camp that she’s willing to help, but will only help those actively helping themselves. And I get that. She is an outsider reaching in. And she needs to protect herself as well; she’s right that tying oneself to Jon is probably going to get one killed. She’s not obliged to die for him, or for anyone. And from her perspective, he isn’t even reaching for the ropes being thrown to him.

Contrast that with Martin’s perspective, which is that Jon needs help, and that waiting until he helps himself could be disastrous. This is also right, but the problem is that if Jon is drowning, Martin isn’t really getting in the water any more than Georgie is. He’s avoiding Jon, but is offended that Georgie is doing the same. I can only hope she held up a mirror to his own decisions. He’s choosing to protect himself every bit as much as he’s ‘falling on the grenade’ in order to try and stop the Extinction. And trying to protect Jon from afar is as much a defense of himself as what Georgie is doing. Both are reasonable. Jon is self-destructing. But Martin was also right that he needs help. And for someone to help Jon, they almost certainly have to wade into all the danger that being around him entail. Georgie’s decision not to be that person is frankly the healthier decision. No one owes anyone drowning with them. But that’s a decision each person has to make: how much are they willing to help? How much of a life-line do they throw? Georgie has helped, but also protects herself and respects Melanie for doing the same. Daisy is helping a decent amount because she’s been there, and with a few bad days she could end up right back where Jon is. It’s why people with addictions are often the ones to help others with addiction. You sort of have to understand it from the inside.

Martin doesn’t know he understands it from the inside, because he doesn’t realize how much he’s falling to the Lonely. Disappearing whenever personal confrontation occurs isn’t healthy. He was an open wound of caring and emotion before, so it’s understandable that he’s swinging the pendulum to be less vulnerable, but he’s swung it too hard, and he’s drifting away. And as much as he wants to help Jon, he’s not. If he really wants to be Jon’s anchor, he has to be willing to open up all his emotional wounds again. And he has to make that hard decision knowing how much it could cost him. Or he has to let go entirely. He’s in limbo, Jon anchoring him, but the tie between them is frayed.

‘Cul-de-Sac’ offered up a way to take hold of that tie and make it strong again. The Lonely very nearly claimed the narrator as a victim, but in the moment he was almost totally lost to it, a call from his husband and the words “I love you” brought him back. It gave him a way out, and as much as he believes he has to trust Martin’s decisions regarding his work with the Lonely, he also knows that the Lonely is seductive, that it has you do its work for it, that Martin is plagued with self-doubt and self-esteem issues, and that the Lonely is feeding on that. Jon is trying to trust, but Jon also needs to reach out and help, just as much as Martin needs to do the same, if they both choose to take that route.

Basira has also apparently not made any real choice regarding whether or not she’ll help Jon. She continues to be around Jon, but isn’t helping. She’s very intelligent, but increasingly … black-and-white, which makes her blinkered. And Elias was right: it also is making her predictable. It’s like she’s trying to be more like Daisy as Daisy becomes more like Basira used to be. But her taking a harsh tone with Jon and telling him ‘just don’t do it’ is likely to go exactly as well as everyone who’s ever told a drug addict to just stop. Stopping is usually the hardest thing an addict ever has to do, and increasingly, Basira seems to want things to just happen. If Daisy has learned patience, Basira has lost hers. And that means that she also seems like she’s lost perspective.

And then there’s Melanie. I really like that Melanie is sort of taking the middle-road of Georgie’s approach and Daisy’s. She’s stuck there, and she’s still interacting with Jon. Hell, her reactions to him pulling facts out of the ether are more like frustrated rolling of eyes than genuine anger at this point. But she’s also unapologetic that helping the Eye—whether it be passively or actively—is wrong. For her own good, she’s opting out. She knows she could get sick. She knows she could die. But she is making a choice. And like Georgie, I can respect that choice.

Elias continues to be an evil delight. Seriously, what a fantastic villain. He gloats, he’s gleeful, but also urbane and intelligent. The little moments of vulnerability sometimes feel like manipulation, so it’s hard to tell exactly how much he could be damaged. He, of all people, seems to have taken Annabel’s advice to heart. He is always either under- or overestimated. And that just makes him fun.

Big Picture, A Gravedigger’s Envy, Love Bombing

Simoooon!!! My favorite wacky wizard is just as much a delight as I had expected. He’s a ton of fun. He’s old and he’s full of joy, and he’s horrible. He’s my favorite. I also managed to predict that he was centuries old! So pleased to find that out.

It’s interesting to find out that so much of the rituals are bound up in the feeling and the fear. All the ways the powers manifest or work are based on those feelings. So rituals are made up because they ‘feel’ right, and it seems like they all fail because none of them genuinely generate the fear necessary to bring one power into ascendance over the others. It seems that the balance is not only something most are dedicated to, but that it’s harder to upset on a global scale than people thought. Robert Smirke, for example, seemed to think that the world was balanced on a knife’s edge, one second away from falling to a power. And every fear took a cue from him and generated a ton of rituals. But none of them have worked. Because the truth definitely seems to be that none of them know what they’re doing. They’re groping around for greater meaning, when it’s all really based on feelings and impressions. That may make Simon one of the most effective avatars, as well as one of the most sanguine with the way the world works. He’s not trying too hard to make the Vast win because he’s realized how difficult and potentially pointless that might be.

The end of ‘Big Picture’ has another confrontation between Basira and someone, this time Martin. She’s taking the same tack with him as she did with Jon: telling him she doesn’t trust him, that he’s an idiot for working with Peter, etc. Again, acting as Daisy might once have done, and again, I don’t see that she accomplished much. She let Martin know that Jon’s heard of the Extinction, that he trusts Martin, and that’s about it. Beyond that, they’re much in the same position. Whatever her goals are in this situation, they’re either escaping me, or she has no real goals aside from being angry at everyone around her for not being as useful to her as she wants them to be.

Helen, on the other hand, is as helpful and delightful as Simon, while being just as dangerous and malicious. She’s becoming more and more the Distortion, less an less Helen as she lets go of her guilt and embraces the feeding and the hunger. She’s Jon’s ally, but is also unpredictable and is clearly playing her own game, learning the maze under the Archives, but refusing to let him in on what lies at its heart. Their discussion about Jane Prentiss, about choice, throws more light on Jon’s choices.

And the thing that sets him apart from the other monsters: his guilt, his burning humanity. And his connection to others. She looks at this as temporary. Not the feelings, which may well persist, but the effect those feelings have had on his actions. And I think that’s the hard truth that Basira has failed to impart as an outsider: Helen, as an insider to being a monster, gets that there is no hard line between the one-you-were and the one-you-are. She gets that being a monster is as subjective as the powers or the rituals are. It’s about feeling. And Jon clings to his feelings and his connections. And because of this he’s been finding excuses for his behavior. But he still chooses it. He knows that he shouldn’t want the drugs, but he keeps giving in to the temptation before the guilt spiral starts over again. They all choose, and their choices may be guided by having no good alternatives, but the choice has always been his. Of course he gets to keep what makes him fundamentally Jon, because Jon is the perfect Archivist. He didn’t need personality traits grafted onto him. They came ready made for the Eye. How long had it waited for someone just like him?

But the thing about choice is that it’s yours. Accepting that he makes the choices and that they are his alone means that he can control them. He can take whatever control he can muster, even in the face of danger and death. He can make the choice Melanie did, or a different choice. He can choose to act, knowing that his actions are owned only by himself. There’s power in that, every bit as much as there is responsibility.

And Daisy is the perfect example of that. She doesn’t want to go back to the Hunt. She’d die first, but she also will let that Hunt slip back in just a bit to protect Jon from Trevor and Julia. Hearing her and Jon work through her impulses to listen to the blood, to find her way back to calm with his help, was one of the first indications that he really does get that choice. And I find myself hoping that if he can help Daisy, he can learn to make those same choices, and that she’ll be there to guide him back when he needs it.

Bloody Mary, Cost of Living, Reflection

Jon going looking for knowledge the Eye didn’t want him to know was encouraging, and the revelation of Eric Delano’s page was a hell of a thing. First, of course, there was James Wright (watching everyone through pictures and any eye available) before there was Elias, and Elias ‘changed’ a lot. Another point for the Elias-is-Jonah theory, perhaps.

There was also the confrontation of Gertrude with a former assistant, how emotionally distant she was from him and the others, and how hungry she was for knowledge. She wants explanations, not stories though. More practical and less lyrical than Jon. And less emotional. Jon feels thing deeply and desperately. It might be his salvation, as I’ve mentioned, but also it makes him just as human as her, despite his more outward monstrousness.

Eric was definitely in an abusive relationship with Mary, but after the betrayal and what Gertrude put him through, she seemed preferable. And that’s thing, isn’t it? Betrayal and under-handedness hurt worse than straightforward evil in the TMA world. And so Eric accepted Mary and blinded himself to get out of the Institute, and wasn’t even too hurt that Mary turned right around and killed him for his sacrifice. He found the way out because he had someone he loved: his son. Much as tearing the bullet out of Melanie broke her free of the Slaughter, Eric tearing his eyes out let him free of the Beholding.

Could Jon help but entertain that fantasy? Running away, tearing out the part of himself that is a monster once and for all? No more hunger, no more temptation.

But Martin’s right. He can’t do it. Because Jon is still choosing the Beholding, he still loves to Know. He’s turning away from freedom actively. And for Jon, running away with Martin was just this perfect potential ideal, but would never become reality without some really fundamental commitment that both of them lack right now. As much as Jon is sunk in his love for what he knows, Martin is sunk in denial about how much he might actually mean to Jon. He can reject Jon’s proposal easily, because he can’t believe Jon would ever really give up power just for a chance to run away with Martin.

Martin is sunk deep, and Jon, who could reach him if he tried, isn’t trying. Just as he isn’t tearing his eyes out. He’ll be passive, and he’ll look at Martin like an ideal, but the real issue is that neither of them is reaching out to one another as a PERSON. As more than the ideal that they’ve both seen one another as. Being an anchor is all well and good, but eventually you need to dig in and get to know one another to have a true reason to stay human. And they’re both lacking that right now.

Martin is drifting hard. Realizing that he might only think he misses Jon’s voice, that he cares about Jon, that even his love is getting lost to the Lonely is very hard to hear. Because Martin threw himself into all this to save Jon, and he’s not even horrified that he’s losing the original motivation for giving himself to the Lonely. He seems to be going through the motions, letting everything happen, taking the easiest and least ‘noisy’ way out. And that’s the draw of the Lonely right there, isn’t it? There’s no real pain to lose yourself, because by the time you’re lost, you just don’t care. Martin is being eaten by apathy, and that’s the hardest thing to shake. He just doesn’t care enough to do it.

I really appreciate Jon finally confronting Basira about her hypocrisy. The fact that she’s willing to give Daisy over to the Hunt to keep her alive, but is demanding that Jon starve himself to death if he has to is the height of hypocrisy. It’s also deeply disrespectful of Daisy’s very difficult choice. I appreciate that Jon stood up for Daisy’s stand, and I hope that it causes Basira to reflect about how she’s gone about her approach to Jon and Daisy.

Because honestly, they’re both questioning their natures. Daisy understands better, but Jon is actively exploring his nature, and the nature of monstrousness. ‘Cost of Living’ is the perfect example of the entitled nature of a monster’s survival. Each time she was confronted with their death, she found someone to exchange a life with. And what was at first a one-off quickly became a continuous vampirism, one ‘unworthy’ life after another. At each step she blamed the victim, explained her actions by the good she was doing. Jon feels the same pull, but also a revulsion for her self-justification.

And some people would rather do anything other than serve that sort of monstrousness. Melanie gouged her own eyes out, leaving the Archives as definitively as possible. I’ll miss the hell out of her character, but I am so glad that she found a way out. I’m glad that, of all of them, she was the one who seized Eric’s solution. Jon would never do it. Basira won’t do it. Martin won’t. But Melanie still could. She tried so hard to leave for so long that it’s fantastic she gets to go on her own terms. And I’m so glad Jon respected her decision; that she left as bravely and calmly as possible for leaving by ambulance.

Rotten Core, Panopticon

So Martin or someone else left his final tape to Jon. Peter might have left it, Annabel could have done, so many others could have. But the simple question is, what will Jon do with the information that Martin is walking off to oblivion?

Dekker’s final statement was something I wasn’t expecting. It makes sense with the Extinction storyline gearing up, but it’s still strange to hear the end of this remarkable and remarkably eventful life. And to go out in such a horrific way is tragic. He searched for the Extinction so long, only to get taken down by the Corruption. Just accidentally stumbled on John Amhurst, and though it’s good to know that Dekker properly contained Amhurst, it leaves his work unfinished. But then, I think the work of people like Dekker or Gertrude always have unfinished business when they’re finally killed.

Jon is not nearly so sanguine with death. Hearing that the Extinction may be slow or strange or not real at all, he can’t not follow Martin down into the tunnels. He tried to get a second opinion from Melanie, who is with Georgie—in all senses of the word—but she’s out. He tried to go to Helen, who is not interested in helping because it entertains her more if he finds out what’s in the tunnels on his own. She may think he’d just go home and give into his hunger, but the one thing that anchors him is in those tunnels. So Jon is definitely going in.

At least he waited for Daisy and Basira, as much as it must have killed him not to go charging in. And he’s lucky he did. Peter Lukas set the Not-Them loose again, and Trevor and Julia are also back to finish Jon off. And of course, Elias has also made a jail break to be there for the final show of whatever it was that Peter planned.

And it directly affects him, of course, because we finally got that confirmation: Elias Bouchard and Jonah Magnus are one in the same. Jonah left his body behind in the Panopticon that lies at the heart of the labyrinth, permanently jacked into the All-Seeing Eye. That was the Watcher’s Crown, attempted first as himself, and again in other bodies. Peter wants to overthrow Elias, to replace him with a willing puppet in Martin. The temptation of having that sort of power must have been undeniable.

But it all still hinged on Martin choosing to serve the Lonely, to give himself freely to the Panipticon and to Peter’s power. And Martin has been playing this game well. Telling Peter what he wants to hear, all to see what his end-game was. Listening to Peter and Elias duke it out verbally over him, Martin clearly knew that this was never about the Extinction. This was just a stupid bet about whether or not Peter could steal Martin away.

So Martin refuses. As much as he wanted to kill Jonah, he refused the game (but in so doing handed the victory to Jonah).

The reason he knew that Peter wasn’t being straight with him about the Extinction was more than a little heart-breaking, but very in keeping with why he couldn’t believe Jon would really run away with him: Martin cannot believe that he’s important enough to be made a priority, let alone to be made a hero. And so, even though Elias won the round, Peter had one more game to play: he threw Martin into the Lonely, and both he and Elias waited for Jon to arrive. Because consuming the Archivist would certainly wrench the ultimate victory from Elias’ hands.

But Elias is far too calm, and far too pleased with this turn for it not to be just as much set up in his favor as Peter’s. He might have verbally warned Jon against going into the Lonely, but he was all too eager to show him the way. This is just more of his game, and I’ll be interested to see how it plays out.

The Last

Which leads us to the penultimate episode of the season, Jon plunging into the Lonely after Martin. The end-game of whatever bet or game Peter and Elias have been playing with one another turns out to have hinged on first Martin giving into the Lonely, and then Jon following him down. Elias’ biggest pawn is on the line, and Peter has put himself on the line, letting something like the Archivist into his world.

At first, Peter clearly has the home advantage over Jon. He confronts Jon with the fact that he and Martin have been chasing the ideal of one another for so long, but they don’t really know one another. But Jon is pissed, and Jon is hungry, and when faced with dying for Martin, he didn’t even hesitate. Peter doesn’t understand love, or any connection. And so he can’t understand how deeply tied Jon and Martin are to one another. Hell, I don’t know if they quite understand it, except that they’d walk through hell to find one another.

So instead of giving in, Jon fakes his own drift into the Lonely to draw Peter in close, and then goes after him hardHearing Peter’s story was interesting, but not particularly sympathetic. He was created to be a Lukas, certainly, but he also relished it and wallowed in the upper-class life he was given. He wallowed in his loneliness, and hated everyone around him. Sure, his family messed him up, but he embraced it while other siblings didn’t.

So hearing that Gertrude took down his ritual with a call to a newspaper? Amazing. Wonderful. Perhaps my favorite takedown of hers ever. I laughed out loud at Peter Lukas drowning in community outreach.

And hearing Jon tear him apart? Also amazing. Potentially terrible, because once you open that door, it’s hard to close it, and Jon’s “Stubborn fool” is as close to truly being lost to the monster as we’ve heard Jon on tape. But if Jon had to feed, tearing Peter apart wasn’t a bad way to do it. But of course, that means Jon doesn’t get an answer as to how Elias gets him.

But Jon does get Martin. And that reunion? The “I see you”? So beautiful. They’ve built to that moment for so long that the quiet conversation, walking out of the Lonely hand-in-hand and so gentle, was utter perfection.

Which is why having this be the second-to-last episode of the season is so ominous.

The Eye Opens

Here we come to the end, and we begin with domesticity and a continuation of the gentle quietness started last episode. It seems, from the date of the statement, that Martin and Jon did get at least some time together before this episode to settle in and be together, and it shows. There’s a comfort and a familiarity between them I’ve never heard. Whatever time they’ve spent getting to know one another, they clearly fit together exactly as well as they’d hoped.

They may be on the run, uncertain if Trevor or Julia or the Not-Them are still alive, but it has an almost honeymoon feel to it. They’re in contact with Basira, but seem distant from all that, here in their coccoon in the woods with its crackling fire and poetic cows.

And it’s really lovely. Hearing them together, quiet and gentle and happy, was wrenching if only because it came so early in the episode. And then it hits. Jonah, smuggled in as a disguised statement, slipping in and taking over Jon’s body and forcing him to read against his will. You can hear Jon struggling not to read at first, perhaps knowing what was coming, but Jonah’s will was too strong. He’s too good at control to let Jon slip his noose here at the end.

And the end, as it turns out, is the end of the world. It’s discarding the Watcher’s Crown as a botched job, and instead embracing a new ritual: the Magnus Archives. The transformation of Jonathan Sims not into the Archivist, but into the Archive.

And Jonah will become king of the ashes of a ruined world.

Jonah, Rayner, Lukas, and likely Fairchild all came together to become not only the first to realize that the world was almost guaranteed to end, but to figure out how to handle it. Only Smirke kept to his guns and refused to embrace the end. He tried to use balance to prevent it, to keep it from ever tipping over, but one by one the others embraced one power and decided that if the world was going to end, then it should end to their benefit.

Jonah tried the Watcher’s Crown, sitting in the Panopticon, but failed except to become a mind freed of his body. He built the Institute to help himself with the race, trying the Watcher’s Crown again and again, each new body dying and giving rise to another.

And then he realized that the Watcher’s Crown was a flawed ritual from the off. All the rituals were flawed. All the rituals were doomed to failure, because every ritual only involved a single fear. And so there wasn’t enough fear to keep it going. Every one, even the ones not stopped, failed under its own weight.

The true ritual was the Archive itself. Turning a person into an Archive, and through him, with every other power burned into him, tearing open reality. Because the true ritual HAD to have all the fears involved, because all fears are one fear, each blending into each, each reliant on another. And so all powers had to come through at the same time, with the Eye watching over all.

And Jon has been marked by every single fear, chosen by Magnus after he survived Mr. Spider. Stabbed by Michael, burned by Jude, thrown into freefall by Mike Crewe, cut by the Slaughter when he tried to save Melanie, went into the Buried bodily to rescue Daisy … more and more and more until he went into the Lonely to save Martin and took the final step. He consumed stories, consumed lives. He embraced his own power in destroying Peter. He chose to be the Archive at every turn, built himself as a record, wove a tapestry of every fear to create something greater than each alone.

And so Magnus used his Archive. He used Jon’s body and his power, and then left Jonathan Sims, both tied to and gutted by the world he created, behind as the world cracked open. We finish the season with Jon and Martin, clutched together in their cabin, Jon knowing that the whole world has been consumed by the powers and by his own embrace of the Archive.

“Look at the sky, Martin. Look at the sky! It’s looking back.”

The Future

And so we head toward the final season of ‘The Magnus Archives’. Daisy and Basira may both be alive, or Basira isn’t sharing the fact that she’s already killed Daisy as she promised. Melanie and Georgie got out, but there’s not a lot of getting out of an apocalyptic world.

And the world is apocalyptic. Jonah intends to sit the throne of this world, but I’ll be interested to hear if things go to his plan, of if the powers are so much larger than him that he is swept aside as every other living being will be. This seems like the sort of plan born of hubris, from a man so desperate not to die that he’ll burn the whole world to survive it. And I just don’t see fully manifested fears giving much of a shit about Jonah Magnus.

And that leaves Jon and Martin. Jon is having a well-deserved breakdown over his part in this, but I don’t think he’ll get to do so for long. If the Archive was needed to rip the world open, it may be the only way to repair it. Whether that requires Jon to die, or Jon to lose every bit of Archivist in himself to do it, or something else entirely remains to be seen. But he at least has Martin this time, and I genuinely hope that whatever path they walk in the final season, they walk it together. That they fall together or rise together. One or the other being alone at the end would be the worst possible outcome for them at this point. They anchored one another in the Lonely, and they might well be the thing that pulls one another through to saving the world. Going down together might be a sort of bittersweet happy ending for an Archive and the man that keeps him human. What will the world be like now that all the powers are here? Would people like Simon and the other avatar glory in this new world, or does a complete manifestation of all the powers make moot all the appeal of their gods? I’m interested to find out who might be interested in a return to a normal world, and who love their new reality.

40 more episodes until the end. It’s been a hell of a binge, and honestly? I’m very interested to see how thing play out come April.

#The Magnus Archives #analysis #I'm back!#whoo!

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secret-engima · 4 years

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Yo! Would anything have changed in AMOSC if Magnus didnt become Starwish's Opi? Like, he hadn't found his One yet?? Would Prime have taken her in?? Ratchet?? Would it change a lot or a little??

Ummmmmm okay buckle up for a long ramble because I can never talk about my stories and keep it SHORT XP.

Yes and no? If Ultra Magnus had never sparkmated, he might have still ended up in the running to be her caretaker because he would still have been very respected and known as a decent, honorable mech. But honestly, yes, either Optimus would have taken her in or (more likely) Ratchet would have. Fun fact: Ratchet almost DID end up as her caretaker in AMOSC. I had it in my plot notes and everything once I knew I wanted her to be a medic, because who better to raise a medic than a medic? I still have those notes I think ... buried in the eternal void all my other plot notes seem to disappear to. But then I was rewatching the TFPrime eps where Magnus first shows up and my muses flipped the table with visions of Ultra Magnus learning kindness and family from her while teacher her to stand up for herself and the rest is history :). Second fun fact: other mechs in the running to be her caretaker/Opi other than Optimus and Ratchet (Ultra Magnus was not on my original list, funnily enough he was a literal last minute change) were Alpha Trion and Prowl. Because Wise Immortal Archivist™ and Logical Tactician™. Alpha Trion would have been less her intended caretaker and more the result of Optimus frantically calling for advice/to see if Alpha Trion would mind taking in a civilian to work in his archives for her own safety and Trion would have been like- sure. She can stay in the Archivist dorms. I shall make her my apprentice along with Smokescreen. Prowl would have been a literal last resort if Ratchet and Optimus couldn’t do it for whatever reason, because with Prowl at least Optimus knew she’d be treated fairly, no one would dare accusing the SiC strategist of doing anything dishonorable with her, and he has technical experience with younglings thanks to Bluestreak. Prowl and Starwish would have been a lot less Parent-Child relationship and more a trio of Disaster Siblings where the eldest (Prowl) frantically tries to keep order and learn how to Parent his two younger, constantly winding each other up siblings (Starwish and Bluestreak).

For changes ... hard to tell, considering my ability to plot out details of a story over the long-term is kinda patchy at best but with Ratchet, less would have changed in the overarching plot (becoming a medic, unlocking weird program) than things would have changed in the minutia. Starwish would have decided to be a medic earlier, her relationship with Ratchet would have been a bit tricky because she would have been his child and his apprentice at the same time (and whoo boy the angst of the “I don’t believe you memories arc” would have been ... whoooo boy). Starwish would have also developed a much greater tendency toward sarcasm and caustic dialogue as her defense mechanism because Constant Exposure to Ratchet™. I’m also not sure she would have become a Cyber-Ninja. Like- Yoketron might have still offered, but I’m not sure Ratchet would have been so keen on advising her to take it. Honestly I see her learning combat from the commandos Ratchet patches up (and the Wreckers, the Wreckers were originally going to be a way bigger part of Starwish’s life) rather than Yoketron in this alternate path. That’s about all I can think about for the Ratchet Path atm.

I never really gave much thought to how the Alpha Trion, Optimus, and Prowl paths would have gone, so I can’t tell you as much about them. I do remember that Alpha Trion would have realized something was Up with Starwish well before her program physically manifested and taken her more firmly under his cryptic wing and that she would have essentially become Smokescreen’s technically-younger-but-definitely-more-mature sibling figure. She also would have intentionally gone diving into the secrets of Cybertron’s history and stuff out of curiosity, and been a Cyber-Ninja earlier because Alpha Trion would have known about her sooner.

Optimus and Elita would have been awesome tag-teaming parents, Cyber-Ninja-ing would have still happened, but perhaps most interestingly Starwish would have spent more time outside Autobot cities, learning medical skills from the Femme Contingent and generally being nomadic with them (if with longer/more regular visits to civilization because of Hardwire and the Twinlings).

As I said, Prowl path would have been a Sibling Disaster Trio, and instead of straight up Cyber-Ninja she would have picked up a lot from Jazz’s mechs, who Prowl works with surprisingly closely. Possibly even become the Spec Ops go-to medic. Also, the D R A M A that would have gone down during the “your memories aren’t real” arc and then later the courting debacle would have been legendary. Prowl would have probably legit punched someone in the face during the former and Jazz would have been under So Much More Scrutiny from Prowl in the latter. Because Prowl loves his Amica Endura but Starwish is under his care and in his responsibility and Prowl takes that Super Seriously™.

....I hope that answers your questions? This was fun to talk about but I know I rambled a lot. Also, gonna tag @wolfsrainrules cause she might find this ask interesting.

#SE asks #oliverslewty asks #Secret Engima Rambles #AMOSC verse #Starwish (OC)#Ultra Magnus #Optimus Prime #Prowl #Ratchet #secret fun fact since I'm rambling #but in the earliest prototype of this story #Jazz was not originally going to be her sparkmate #and no it was not going to be the Twins either #feel free to guess #but I doubt you will #XD

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bytheangell · 5 years

Text

This Is the Coda That Never Ends... Part 13

(Read on AO3) (read from the start)

“I’ll keep you updated,” Alec assures Magnus, giving his husband a kiss goodbye before picking Clary up off of the sofa and carrying her through the portal. When he steps through into Lorenzo’s mansion it looks almost the same as it did a year ago when he was last here. The little constants are nice, especially considering how much the world around him has changed in such a short period of time.

Alec immediately moves towards the sofa but Lorenzo stops him.

“Can you carry her upstairs?” Lorenzo asks him. “We can put her in a proper bed this time until she wakes up, I’ll conjure up something for her to eat, too, the poor thing must be drained.”

Alec tilts his head for a moment, caught off-guard by the extra measure Lorenzo considered to keep Clary comfortable. He hasn’t dealt with Lorenzo very much in the past year, not since his move to Alicante and Isabelle’s appointment as Head of the Institute in his place. Of course, during his visits and time catching up with Underhill with a night out here and there, he’s heard his fair share of the subtle shifts in the High Warlock of Brooklyn’s attitude from the man who once blacklisted Magnus from the warlock community.

On the outside he still puts on a show of being above caring about trivial matters and people who serve him no purpose, especially during official meetings and council sessions, but this is a taste of the Lorenzo who Underhill and Isabelle have been telling him about. Alec almost didn’t believe them before seeing it with his own two eyes; Underhill is one thing, Alec expects him to be kind to his boyfriend, but he has no reason to go above and beyond for Clary.

“That sounds good, yeah.” Alec shifts Clary’s weight in his arms before turning towards the stairs.

“Up the stairs, take a right, second door on the left.” Lorenzo says before turning and heading off somewhere.

Alec’s second surprise - being allowed to wander Lorenzo’s home freely. He expected the other man to follow him around, or maybe offer yet another tour of any new acquisitions from the past year, but instead Lorenzo vanishes out of sight before Alec is even up the first set of stairs.

He finds the bedroom easily enough. It’s clearly a spare for visitors, and even though it isn’t dusty or anything it’s also obvious it hasn’t been used in quite some time.Alec shifts the covers enough to lay Clary down and pull them over her, leaving the door open on his way out and back down the stairs.

Alec is about to call out to find where Lorenzo went when he hears sounds coming from a room down the hall and follows them to find Lorenzo not actually conjuring something up, but gathering ingredients out of the cabinets and fridge to cook with. A lot of ingredients.

“How many people do you plan on feeding?” Alec asks, eyebrow raised.

“Assuming your entire hoard of Shadowhunters are likely about to invade my home to speak with Clarissa when she wakes back up, at least half a dozen.” Lorenzo doesn’t even look up from what he’s chopping as he speaks.

“Oh,” Alec says, not quite sure what else to say to that. Lorenzo doesn’t seem angry about it, more resigned to the inevitability… and entirely willing, just as he was in offering Clary a proper room, to go the extra mile. Maybe he can sense how tense this entire situation is for them. Maybe he just wants to be the better person after that jab at Alec for keeping this secret, the same way he had the Soul Sword. “Thanks,” he adds. “I know you don’t want to be doing all this.” “What can I say, Bane set quite the precedent for Shadowhunter tolerance,” Lorenzo shrugged.

“Mmhmm,” Alec hums, smiling slightly. “Though it seems like you’re doing a bit more than tolerating Underhill these days.You’ve been together the whole year since the wedding, haven’t you?” Alec hears Underhill’s side of things occasionally, but it’s rare he has a moment alone with Lorenzo that isn’t focused on some sort of official business of another.

“I suppose so,” Lorenzo confirms. “I suppose,” he continues in a would-be-casual tone. “Not to jinx it, but things are going rather well these days. Andrew is quite the charmer when he wants to be.”

Alec stifles a laugh. “Good. I was afraid after earlier-”

Lorenzo cuts Alec off with a sigh and a wave of his hand. “We’ll talk it out. We always do; this isn’t the first time he’s put his duty as a Shadowhunter before our relationship. I’d probably do the same if our roles were reversed.”

Alec shakes his head. “But you shouldn’t have to, and neither should Underhill. Ordering him to keep this a secret, I never should’ve done that. It was a bad call, and it goes against all of the transparency I’m trying to create in the Shadow World. How are you ever supposed to trust me and the rest of the Shadowhunters if we keep running around keeping secrets?”

“If you think you’re the only ones keeping secrets, Mr. Lightwood, you’re more naive than I thought,” Lorenzo states simply. “This isn’t something that’s going to stop overnight. You’re doing good work, but you’ve barely begun. You can’t undo years of systematic oppression and self-preservation with a law or two.”

He wonders if Lorenzo knows something he doesn’t, openly admitting that there are other secrets being kept in the Shadow World. Which, Alec reasons, could be almost anything. But the tone that their conversation shifts to is much more serious than it began, and he has to consider if it isn’t more of a veiled warning than a casual statement.

He doesn’t get a chance to ask before Alec’s phone rings, Isabelle’s name flashing across the screen.

“Hey Iz, what’s up?” He asks, already knowing the answer. Magnus filled her in on where he is and what’s going on, and she wants to know what the next move is.

“Honestly, I’m not so sure anymore. You didn’t see her when she suddenly remembered Magnus… if we bring everyone here it might be too much for her all at once…”

Lorenzo looks up at that. “If I just chopped up that many fresh carrots for nothing-” he starts, falling silent when Alec holds up a finger to shush him so he can hear his sister through the phone.

“What? No, nevermind about the carrots. Listen, I know he’s going to kill me for it later, but tell Jace to stay back for now. If you and Simon want to come, that’s fine. But until we know how her memories are affecting her, and why they’re coming back, I don’t want to risk anything that’s already triggered her.” Alec pauses, listening again. “Take your time, see you when you get here.”

He hangs up, turning back to Lorenzo. “What do you think? Should I even let those two come?” He asks, curious to hear the warlock’s opinion.

Lorenzo looks shocked to be asked. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because I meant what I said earlier. I can’t fix this on my own, and if I’m being honest I’m more than a little biased here, so I’d like a second opinion.” Alec says, opting for honesty this time around.

“I don’t think it’s a terrible idea,” Lorenzo admits. “But I can’t say for certain, and neither can you. First you’re trying to keep her away from the places she’s remembering, then you’re asking her all sorts of leading questions back at Magnus’, and now you’re trying to keep her away from it again. You’re just as clueless as I am in this unfortunately unprecedented situation.”

Alec hates how right Lorenzo is, cursing his intuitive outlook and the fact that he really doesn’t shy away from telling things like they are. Alec’s trying to play the diplomat here, while balancing his personal history with Clary, and failing miserably at both. He thought for a second back there he was covering it well enough but clearly that isn’t the case.

“If there’s one thing you learn being immortal,” Lorenzo continues after Alec’s prolonged silence. “It’s adaptability. Make a plan, but don’t be afraid to change it when something new comes up and it stops working. Don’t just stick with it because you said it an hour ago.”

Alec isn’t sure how he feels about getting leadership advice from Lorenzo Rey of all people, but it’s good advice.

Alec catches himself staring at the yellow magic that Lorenzo uses, remembering the short period of time he had it at his own disposal. He thinks about that more than he cares to admit, the feel of it just under the surface of his skin, the power at his fingertips…

“Have you considered using it again?” Lorenzo asks, and Alec sees his gaze watching him watch the magic. “The alliance rune?”

Alec shakes his head. “No. I mean, yes, plenty of times. But not seriously. Not after the pushback it gave the first time, and the price Clary paid for it’s creation… the Angels clearly didn’t want that to exist. I can’t ignore that a second time, not considering the potential cost for using it again.”

Lorenzo nods thoughtfully. “Do you think your Angels will allow it now, if they’re returning Clary and all of her powers back to our world?”

Alec pauses to consider that. He hadn’t thought about it before, but… maybe, just maybe…

He refuses to get his hopes up.

“Let’s worry about one thing at a time,” Alec suggests instead of pursuing that line of thinking, though now that it’s in the back of his mind he knows it’s going to stay there for quite some time. He clears his throat to refocus. “Alright. So we stick with the plan for now and change it if we have to-”

“What plan?” Clary’s voice sounds from the doorway, causing both men to jump slightly at the unexpected sound.

“You didn’t leave,” Alec observes, pleasantly surprised. When he left her alone in that bedroom, no wards holding her in or person to keep an eye on her, he half expected her to flee the moment she woke up. He has to admit he’s pleasantly surprised to see her still here.

“I told you, I want answers, too. And it looks like you guys are the ones who have them.” She glances around. “Where’s Magnus?”

Alec and Lorenzo share a look of concern. Clary seems okay at first, but the longer she thinks about him, trying to remember the warlock and what happened before, the more Alec sees the discomfort grow in her expression.

“He isn’t here. We didn’t want you to be in any more pain if we could help it. The remembering hurts, doesn’t it?” Alec asks, knowing it’s a stupid question but wanting to hear the answer from her just the same.

Clary nods. “The first time is the worst. If it’s just a piece of something I can mostly ignore it. But if it’s something big, or all of it at once… well, it sucks. I mean, you saw me, did I pass out again?”

Alec stores that knowledge away while Lorenzo cringes a bit from behind a boiling pot on the stove. “Ahhh, actually, Miss Fairchild, that was my doing. I… incapacitated you before the pain could. Both times.”

“Oh,” Clary says, and Alec’s afraid she might actually run at that news. “Thanks, I guess?”

“You really do trust us, don’t you?” Alec asks, amazed and confused but also more than a little grateful for it.

Clary nods. “I do. I shouldn’t, but… here we are. Me in a house with two strangers who have ‘incapacitated’ and kidnapped me twice now. If I don’t end up on some procedural cop show a year from now it’ll be a miracle.”

There’s the unmistakable sound of a portal in the living room and all three of their heads turn towards it.

“What’s that?” Clary asks, immediately taking a step back.

Alec looks at her with a cautious grin. “How do you feel about meeting a few more old friends?”

“Do I have a choice?” Clary says, taking a deep breath.

Alec considers this, and then nods. “Yes. You do. Say the word and they’re gone.”

Clary hesitates. There are voices now, calling out for Alec. A girl and a guy.

Alec watches Clary carefully as the initial fear fades to the stubborn determination he remembers her so well for; a flash of the old Clary if he ever saw one.

“No… it’s fine. I’m fine,” she says with a resolute nod, and Alec is positive she’s trying to convince herself more than him, but lets it go. “Let’s do this.”

#alec lightwood #lorenzo rey #clary fray #shadowhunters #isabelle lightwood #SORRY IT'S A BIT OF A FILLER CHAPTER #but we're establishing ~relationships~ here #and stay tuned next week for some very feelsy Simon POV! <3 #elle writes a few deadbeat lines #long post

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thereisnoyellinginfantasycostco · 6 years

Text

“All That Lives Must Die” Part 9

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8]

When Lup got the call from Taako, she could’ve cried from relief. While she knew that Kravitz could never let Taako die forever, Lup had thought herself into circles about what could’ve gone wrong. Thought about her never hearing from her brother again, him cutting her off because she killed him. Thought about her and her heart’s relationship being irreparable broken like his and Lucretia’s was. But nothing could be wrong when her brother (her twin her heart) sounds so normal and happy, happy to hear her to talk to her.

“Hey, Lu-Lu, almost all of the birds are here. We’re having a little get together shindig and well we can’t really have a Bird Party without all the birds now can we?” He laughed and she laughed with him. He wants her at her house, he wants her over and wants to talk with her.

“Right, okay. I just gotta finish up this one bounty for RQ and then I’ll be over to you and Kravitz’s, kay?” Lup twirled her scythe in her hand as she cut a portal to her next bounty.

“ ‘Kay. Can’t wait to see you.” The line went dead, leaving Lup with a feeling of unease that didn’t go away. There was a tone underlying his voice that set something off in her. Some genetic feature within her blood that thrummed with warning as she heard his words.

The feeling was still there when she was knocking on Taako’s door two days later, and only increased when the door opened.

Her brother was there, and he looked...normal. Healthy skin (not pale from death), ears flicked up (not down, not scared he’s not scared of her), and a bright smile. But there was something off with his face, as if everything was slightly to the left of where it should be.

But that’s ridiculous. Ridiculous and she needs to stop doubting her brother. If anything, he should be the one doubting her. She killed him, she hurt him so badly. Lup should definitely be grateful-

There was a thrumming in her blood again, a pulse of warning, of screaming in her ears that something was so very wrong.

Lup’s lips twisted as she pushed the pulse away, this was her brother after all. “Hey, Koko.” She opened her arms to embrace him in a hug.

He grinned at her, bright and perfect (wrong wrong wrong wrong), “Hey Lulu.” Taako moved forwards, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close to his chest.

Over his shoulder, Lup looked into his house and more of the warning thrummed within her. Sitting inside, were two groups of people.

On one couch were Lucretia, Kravitz, and Angus. Each holding a cup of some tea who’s smell made her ears draw back in some primal instinct that tells her when things are so very very wrong. They were making small talk between each other, every so often trying to attract the others on the other couch to join them.

On the other couch, looking decidedly very uncomfortable, were Magnus and Merle. They didn’t hold tea cups, and didn’t really interact with anyone on the other couch. For this reason (no tea no wrongness), Lup decided to sit with them. They made room for her in the middle of them and she sat down.

Taako didn’t seem to notice the atmosphere, and merely clapped his hands together, “Fantastic, almost all the birds are here! Just one more to go!”

Lup looked around, and furrowed her brow, “We’re down two, Koko. Where’s Barry?”

“Yeah, Taako,” Magnus’s gruff voice held an edge to it, “Where’s Barry?”

With a flick of his hand, Taako dismissed them and took a seat in his chair, “Oh, he’s downstairs looking at some books Krav brought back from one of his bounties.”

“When you were talking to him, you said that it was a sciencey thing.” Magnus’s grip tightened on the arm of the sofa that they were sitting on.

“Right..right. They’re books on science, and they’re in a language Krav here can’t read, so I decided to let him try his hand at it. He’s probably...sucked into his work right now, but whatever. I’ll go get Jort man whenever Davenport gets here.”

“Why don’t you go get him now so his lover can talk to him?”

Lup scowled, and elbowed Magnus. Even with the wrongness that looking at Taako gives her, Lup felt tired of hearing Magnus needled her twin, “Calm down, Mags, I know Barry. If you rip him away from his work when he’s neck deep in it, he’ll be distracted all night.”

“Thank you, Lulu.” Taako grinned, and Lup had to avert her eyes from his face.

“Yeah, no problem, Koko.” Lup grinned, though it was weak.

Taako didn’t seem to notice as he reached for the teapot and a teacup, “Would you like a cup of tea?”

“No!” Lup shouted, her ears drawing back. A flush rose to her cheeks as she realized how weird she must’ve looked, “I mean, no. I’m fine right now, thanks for offering.” Gripping Magnus’s bicep (her hand couldn’t even go all the way around it), she tugged at him, “Hey, Mags, can I talk with you...in private?”

Magnus met her gaze and gave her a very slight nod, “Of course, I know just the place.” Rising to his feet, Magnus led her to Angus’s room.

Lup shut the door behind them, flicking her wrist to lock it, “What has happened to my brother?”

Magnus scratched at the back of his neck, “We don’t...know, exactly. The kid had a theory-”

“Angus? Which reminds me, what’s wrong with Lucy, Krav, and Ango?”

“Taako charmed them, we’re almost positive. I’m not sure how much you could see, but for Merle and I? Their eyes are tinted purple: Krav’s entire iris and pupil are solid purple and we think that’s because he’s been charmed the longest, Lucy’s, uhh, the white parts of her eyes are purple, and she got got last night. The kid’s...the kid’s the same as Lucy.” He sighed, dropping down onto Angus’s bed and making it groan with the unfamiliar weight.

“Taako...charmed them? Why would he do that?”

“We don’t know, but there’s some sort of corruption that’s been overtaking him since he came back to life.”

Lup’s face paled, and she gasped, covering her mouth with a hand, “Since he came back to life? That was almost a week ago, Burnsides!” The ends of her hair began to light up in her fury, “Why didn’t you tell me the second you knew.” She rushed forwards, grapping him by the collar of his shirt.

Magnus’s eyes went wide and he raised his hands in surrender, “Angus told us not to!”

“And you took the advice of a child?” Her elvish form was slowly losing it’s composure, and Magnus could see brief flashes of her skull.

“Yeah! We trust him! Look-” Magnus gently took Lup’s hands off of his collar, “We need to be objective about this.”

“Objective about what? About the fact that I could’ve seriously fucked up my own brother?”

“Lup don’t blame yourself. See, this is why we didn’t call you!” Magnus sighed, and was silent for a few moments as he reassembled his thoughts, “We need to be objective on how to save him…and what we’re saving him from.”

“You don’t even know?”

“I told you! The kid had a theory and he got got before he could tell us.”

Lup paced in the small child’s bedroom (small not only in the sense that it belongs to a tiny child, but because the poster lined wall and galaxy painted ceiling felt like they were boxing Lup in), ears downturned as she wrung her hands, “Shit...shit.” Her eyes were wide, small flames flickered in her irises as she kept pacing. Her paces got smaller and smaller until she was barely taking a step before turning. Her chest began to heave, pupils growing smaller as her ears raised only to flatten against her head.

“Lup.” Magnus’s voice was soft, but it was enough to startle Lup out of the spiral that she worked herself in. She looked up, eyes still wide. Lup’s teeth were still half bared in a snarl with her ears flat against the sides of her head, but some of the fire went out of her eyes, and Magnus took that as a cue to continue, “Lup, we’re going to save him. He’s Taako from TV!”

The nickname, familiar and not at the same time, drew a laugh from her. Muted and subdued though it was, he found it was another small victory. It was all about small victories with her, he had found over their century-long road trip through the planar system. A twist of the lip here, maybe a snort there, but there were always cues for him to continue, and cues for him to stop.

“He’s Taako, and he’s your brother, and my best friend...and whatever Merle thinks of him. And we’re not going to fucking abandon him.”

Lup’s grin turned slightly more forceful, slightly more wide, “You’re goddamn right, Mags. You’re goddamn right.” With that, she turned around. Her red cloak whirled around her, the very edges of it caught fire, and Magnus knew the cue. So he stopped.

When she entered the living room, the only cue she gave Merle that she was in on the truth was a glance out of the corner of her eye. This was completely disregarded by the way that Lup took her brother by the arm and said, “Hey, Koko. Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a quick second?”

He grinned, and nodded, pretending not to notice the flinch as he touched his twin’s elbow to lead her into the kitchen.

The last thing that the birds saw (the birds conscious enough to see it for real) was the flash of Lup’s red cloak and how she gripped the handle of her wand. Merle and Magnus shared a worried look, this wouldn’t end well.

[Part 10]

#taz #taz fic #lup taaco #lup taz #taako taaco #taz taako #magnus burnsides #taz magnus

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sufin5ever · 6 years

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Hey! I would love to see the prompt " your soulmate's feelings about you is written in your body" for sufin（＾ω＾）

This is the last one that I’ll write for a while! I managed to write the five soulmates au that I said I was going to! I’m going to take a break this week though, so I won’t spam annymore (?)

If your prompt was choosen for this week, don’t worry. I’ll write them in the near future :)

SuFin/Dennor College AU.

Link to ao3!

Tino was looking at himself on the mirror. He couldn’t stop looking at the words that were written all over his torso and arms. Since they had appeared, some time ago, he was curious to meet his soulmate.

I wish I could talk to you, but I’m too shy for that.

That was one of the messages that was on his chest. He had several more, such as: You are probably going to reject me; You are way out my league; You are too cute and fun.

While he was a little bit concerned, maybe because his other half was too shy to talk to him, he couldn’t stop thinking about them. How would they look? Who were they? When he was going to meet them? He had so many questions.

He shook his head and went to get dressed. Whoever that person was, he was excited to meet them. He told himself that he would anything that he could so make them feel more secure about themselves.

He grabbed his stuff and went to classes. On the bus, he found Sigurd, his best friend and he immediately sat down next to him. He realized that Sigurd also had a lot of words written all over his skin. He had to contain himself, because there was a sentence on his forehead.

“It’s not funny” Sigurd wanted to cover himself.

“Come on! You have to admit, it’s really hard not to do it” Tino responded, trying to not hide his giggles.

Sigurd rolled his eyes. In his forehead, the sentence said: “So freaking handsome!!!”

“I swear, I’m going to kill them” Sigurd was really embarrassed. Like Tino, he still hadn’t met his soulmate. But unlike his friend, he wasn’t really excited about it. Each sentence that appeared just annoyed him even more.

“Come on. That person finds or will find you handsome. It’s not a lie” Tino replied and then he shrugged.

Sigurd didn’t reply. He wanted to hide in a hole on the ground and to never come back. Though, on the inside, he was slightly curious about his soulmate. Every sentence that appeared was adorable. He wasn’t going to admit it at all.

After almost an hour, they finally reached the campus. Tino was in a really good mood. He took a deep breath.

“See you a lunch?” Tino asked Sigurd.

“See you at that time” Sigurd replied before running away. He wished he could erase those damn words from his skin.

On another place of the same campus, Berwald was trying to comfort his brother. He looked really devastated because of all the words that appeared on his skin.

“Do you think I’m really annoying?” Magnus was looking at the floor. He was so sad.

“No. Maybe they are wrong. When they get to know you, that will change” Berwald put one of his hands on Magnus’ shoulder. He wasn’t really good at giving advice, but he couldn’t leave him like that.

The Dane was too sad. He stood up and then smiled at Berwald.

“I’m heading home” Magnus lost his happiness. After all, even his soulmate didn’t like him at all.

“Magnus, wait” Berwald grabbed him by the arm. He didn’t want his brother give up so easily.

“I’ll come to class tomorrow” Magnus told him before leaving. He couldn’t handle anything on that day.

While walking towards the exit, he crashed with Sigurd, who wasn’t even looking his way. He was hiding behind a book, so nobody could notice the words on his face. They both fell down to the ground.

Magnus shook his head and tried to help Sigurd immediately.

“I’m so sorry” Sigurd apologized without even making eye contact with Magnus.

“No, I’m really clumsy. Sorry” Magnus explained and then he gave him his hand so Sigurd could stand up.

In that moment, all the words resonated between them. Sigurd opened his eyes widely. He felt so bad when realized that Magnus was the one who had all those feelings for him. He never thought he would meet his soulmate like this, so he didn’t have a clue on how to explain Magnus his true feelings.

“Oh…” Magnus took a couple of steps back. His heart was so happy, but he was still sad.

Sigurd looked away. He knew he had screw it up.

“I don’t hate you” Sigurd said but it wasn’t enough for Magnus.

“I’m sorry for being so annoying!” Magnus just ran without even looking at Sigurd. He knew he was being childish, but the thought of his soulmate hating him was too much for him.

Sigurd couldn’t believe that his day could be this bad.

During lunch, Tino noticed that something wasn’t going well with Sigurd. He was being way too quiet and the words on his skin had changed. Sorry; I’m sorry for being a burden; I don’t deserve you.

“I messed up” Sigurd finally managed to confess “I met him and I broke his heart” He wished he could even know where to find him. He was really worried about Magnus, he was so surprised for feeling that. But he wanted to make amends with him, somehow.

“Oh. So you found your soulmate” Tino was jealous but he tried to not think about it. It was not the moment “Well, i think he will understand you once you get to know each other” Tino was making an effort on being positive. He didn’t want to see his friend so sad.

Sigurd nodded. He was barely touching his food. He had lost all his appetite and he could only think about Magnus.

“Well, if you found here, then it means that he goes to classes here. All you’ve got to do is just search” Tino told him. He was hoping to cheer him up.

“What do I say to him if I ever see him again?” Sigurd asked.

“Your heart will tell you” Tino was concious that he just said something really cliché, but he thought that Sigurd needed to find that answer for himself.

A week had passed, Tino and Sigurd were walking on the hall when the former stopped all of the sudden.

“What?” Tino looked at where Sigurd was pointing.

“That’s him” Sigurd whispered. He wasn’t prepared for that at all.

“Go!” Tino pushed him “You have to do this. You love him, right?”

Sigurd wasn’t ready to admit it, but since their first encounter, he couldn’t stop thinking about Magnus. He took a deep breath and decided to talk to him.

Tino watched from a distance. He shook his head, he turned around. He had to respect their privacy, even if he wanted to know how things were going. It wasn’t his relationship.

Magnus stopped when he noticed that Sigurd was walking towards him. Truth be told, he was really expecting to talk to him again.

“I’m sorry” Sigurd apologized immediately, but without making eye contact “I… I don’t hate you”

Magnus dared to touch one of Sigurd’s cheek.

“You truly are handsome” Magnus responded. He was enchanted with his beauty “I’m sorry if you were embarrassed about my feelings”

Sigurd looked up. He could stare at those big blue eyes for hours. It was just so peaceful.

“Let’s start this over” Magnus proposed “I’m Magnus, I’m so glad to meet you” He explained. He decided that he was going to forget those hurtful words.

“I’m Sigurd. Nice to meet you too” Sigurd replied. He was so relief. Their relationship still had a chance.

Over the course of the days, Berwald noticed that more questions were appearing on his skin. Where are you? Will I ever find you? Do you feel the same way than i do? Will I be a dissapointment?

Berwald felt almost the same. Magnus told him about his encounter with Sigurd and how things were going. They decided to take things slowly, to get to know each other before taking another step. He was genuinely happy for them.

He sat down next to them on the cafeteria. He felt like a third wheel, but Magnus didn’t want him to leave.

“So my friend is going to join us too” Sigurd announced.

Tino was so excited to finally meet Magnus. But when he saw Berwald, he let his food hit the ground. His face turned red. It was so weird. His full attention was to that unknown man. But he recognized the questions on his face. Those questions belonged to him!

Berwald stood up. He contemplated Tino for a while. He was as cute as he thought he would be.

“Are you okay?” Berwald asked him on a whisper.

“I…” Tino felt like the words on his face where burning “Yes, I guess…” He smiled. He was so nervous because he finally met him.

“Let me buy you another lunch” Berwald was really curious about Tino. He wanted to use every single moment that he had with Tino. His heart was telling that.it was him.

Tino didn’t even know what to say. He just nodded and then smiled. He didn’t care that some people were staring at them.

“I’m so glad I finally got to meet you” Tino whispered and he dared to gave Berwald a small kiss on the lips.

Berwald noticed that the words on his skin changed completely. Instead of questions, there were sentences like: I’m so happy to be with you finally; You are everything that I always wanted; Can’t wait to get to know you better. This was truly happiness.

#sufin #dennor #aph nordics #aph finland #aph sweden #aph denmark #aph norway #mily writes stuff #soulmates au event #anon asks

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malecsecretsanta · 6 years

Text

Merry Christmas, @jinellewarner!

I hope you have a wonderful holiday! :•)

*****

Chapter One

If there was one thing that Alec hadn't planned on happening at 10:34 pm on Christmas Eve, it was being sprawled out on the sidewalk with a complete stranger on top of him after slipping on a patch of ice. He really hadn't meant to pull the man down with him, but he had panicked and grabbed onto the first solid thing he could find, which just so happened to be the unsuspecting person in front of him- who, as far as he could tell in the brief moment he had held on for dear life, had very nice arms. The breath had been knocked out of his lungs, but he was sure that he would've been breathless no matter what, because the man who was practically straddling him was drop-dead gorgeous. His brown eyes were warm and full of amusement, and Alec was both literally and figuratively frozen, his cheeks flushing with a mixture of embarrassment and immediate interest.

"Well then, I am positive that this is already a much better gift than anything Ragnor will give me this year," the man said, his voice smooth and tinged with humor. Alec had no idea who Ragnor was, but it didn't seem to be important in the moment as the man shifted suddenly. He grabbed onto the fire hydrant that was next to them and pulled himself up much more gracefully than should've been allowed, and before Alec had fully recovered, he was being offered a hand. He stared at it for a few seconds, silently pondering whether or not his brain had been scrambled in the fall, before sliding his palm across the stranger's and standing. "I take it ice skating is not one of your skills?"

Alec felt his cheeks get red again, but he stood his ground, allowing a sheepish grin to cross his features. "That was always my sister's thing, not mine," he said, scratching the back of his head with his free hand. It took him a moment to realize that he was still holding the man's hand, and when he met his eyes that same mirth was present. Instead of letting go, however, the man shook it.

"I'm Magnus," he said, swaying his shoulders in a way that was just distracting enough to draw Alec's eyes away from his gaze. "Normally I wait at least a month or two before I let myself fall for someone, but you didn't give me much of a choice, did you?" He was obviously teasing, but the implication had Alec's stomach fluttering pleasantly. The majority of his relationships had been set up by Isabelle, and lasted less than a couple weeks because there was never enough time or chemistry. But there was something about this man that had Alec's nerves singing, and for whatever reason he didn't want to let this opportunity pass.

"I guess I'll just have to make it up to you, then," Alec said, hoping that he sounded even half as calm as he intended to. He watched Magnus' reaction closely, preparing himself for an excuse or straight-up rejection, but instead those beautiful eyes- which he now noticed were framed with golden liner- lit up as the man smiled, and he nodded.

"Lead the way, then..." He paused, and Alec realized that he never actually told him his name.

"Alec," he finished, his heart racing as Magnus stepped closer, his grin widening.

"Good to know," he replied, his head tilting to the side with an expression close to wonder adorning his face, and something settled in Alec's chest then and there. This was different from all of the other times, and Alec was not going to let it slip through his fingers.

---

The bar that they ended up in was small and a little bit scary, but Alec felt far from afraid as Magnus' hands moved across the space between them, gesturing wildly as he told a story about his vacation to Rome. It turned out that Ragnor was one of his best friends, and that he always gave boring Christmas presents, but Magnus loved him anyway. Alec filed as much of the information into his brain as he could, wanting to memorize every little detail. He reveled in the flush of Magnus' cheeks after he drank a few cocktails, the slight droop of his hair due to the heat of the room, the way the skin around his eyes crinkled when he talked about his friends. He was beautiful, in a gut-wrenching, all consuming, taking-your-eyes-off-of-him-would-just-be-stupid way, and Alec couldn't get enough.

"So, why were you out and about so late on Christmas Eve?" Magnus asked suddenly, and there was that teasing smirk again. It already felt familiar to Alec, but that was probably because he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from the man's lips long enough to focus on anything else. He forced his gaze to meet Magnus', and his stomach flipped for the millionth time that night. God, he was so screwed.

It wasn't until Magnus raised an eyebrow that the question sunk in, and Alec's heart stopped for an entirely different reason. It must have been clear on his face, because Magnus' expression changed completely in a matter of seconds, his confidence clearly wavering. "I'm sorry," he said, reaching forward and placing his hand over Alec's, which were wringing together nervously. "You don't have to tell me."

Alec focused on the warmth of Magnus' skin against his, and he shook his head. For some reason, he felt like he could trust him, and he was tired of holding everything in. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the fact that this man made Alec feel warmer than he ever had in his life, but before he could stop himself he started talking, letting the story spill out of his mouth. He told him about his cheating father, and his mending relationship with his mother, and how Christmas had never really felt like Christmas at all in his family, and the best part about it was that Magnus didn't look at him as if he was weak or pathetic. Instead, he just listened.

Alec had never met anyone who didn't feel the need to give their input. He grew up with nosy siblings and strict parents, eyes constantly watching and analyzing his every move. The fact that he could sit there and tell Magnus about such a big problem in his life and not receive any unrequested advice was shocking, and maybe just a little bit addicting, too. It made him want to keep talking, keep revealing parts of himself that he usually never dared to speak of, because somehow he knew that Magnus wouldn't complain, that maybe he would even be eager to hear it, but Alec refrained from doing so, reminding himself that they had only met hours ago.

They fell into silence, and Alec stared into the empty beer bottle in his grip as if he could find all of the answers he needed inside of it. Magnus' hand was still resting on his own, and when his thumb slid across his knuckles he looked up, immediately catching the other man's gaze. Magnus stared for a moment, his expression far away, before he smiled softly and eyed something behind Alec.

"Well, Alexander, I think this just might be the year that things turn around for you," he said, his voice gentle. Alec raised an eyebrow, turning and following Magnus' line of sight to see the clock.

It was 12:00 am. Christmas Day.

A rush of joy that could only be attributed to the man sitting across from him shot through Alec's body, and he offered Magnus a smile as he turned back around.

"I really hope you're right."

Chapter 2

Alec let out a hum as he woke to the sensation of soft lips trailing across the back of his neck down to his shoulder, and a sleepy grin spread across his face without him being fully conscious of it. If there was anybody who could make him smile within seconds of waking, it was Magnus. He kept his eyes closed as he turned to face his husband and nuzzled his face into his neck, letting out a long breath.

"What time is it?" Alec mumbled, dreading the answer. It wasn't that he wasn't looking forward to the day ahead, but he was so warm and comfortable that a part of him never wanted to leave the little bubble that him and Magnus always seemed to create. It was always like that with them, falling into the routine of wearing their hearts on their sleeves whenever they had a chance to be alone. It was becoming more and more rare these days, and they were determined to cherish every moment that they got.

"I'd say we have about 10 minutes before we are attacked," Magnus answered, clearly amused at Alec's reluctance to move.

Alec let out an over-dramatic groan and burrowed further under the covers, causing Magnus to laugh and run a hand through Alec's unruly bed hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. "You've been talking about how excited you are for weeks, darling."

"I am-" Alec began to reply, but he was interrupted by their bedroom door slamming open and two little blurs of pure energy jumping onto the bed. Alec barely had time to register their giggles before Max jumped onto his back, clinging to him as he sat up. Rafael was pulling on Magnus' hand when he looked up, and a warm feeling radiated in his chest. There had been so many mornings like this since they adopted the kids, but none that felt so significant. It was the first time in years that the entire family was going to be together in one place, celebrating the holiday.

"Come on, come on! It's time to open presents!" Max said, his entire being trembling with enthusiasm as he bounced up and down. Alec had never felt affection as pure as when he saw his kids so excited for something that he never got to have when he was younger. Christmas had always been something that him and his siblings despised, something that they hoped their parents would forget about every year.

It always started out fine, with each of them getting a few presents that usually disregarded everything that they had put on their lists, and a silent breakfast. But by the time they were ready to go to sleep at night, they were kept up by their parents' yelling. It usually involved alcohol, and ended with their mother crying quietly in the bathroom where she thought no one could hear her. Alec remembered huddling on his bed, his arms around Jace and Isabelle as they shook, and wondering why his family couldn't be like the ones he saw on tv.

All of those memories were dulled, though, by the sound of Max and Rafael's footsteps slapping down the hallway as they ran out into the living room, impatiently waiting for Alec and Magnus to get out of bed. Lips pressed to Alec's forehead, and he smiled as he felt the bed shift and turned to see Magnus standing.

"It seems I underestimated our children's eagerness. We better get out there before they explode," he said. He was wearing one of his extra-soft smiles, the one that he saved for the moments when he knew Alec wasn't mentally or emotionally at his best. They had been together for five years, married for three, and there was no one in the world who knew Alec better. Not even Isabelle, who had a tendency to be very observant and nosy.

Without a word, Alec stood and walked over to his husband, wrapping his arms around his waist. Keeping the fact that the kids could come running back into the room at any moment in mind, he pressed a brief kiss to Magnus' lips, lingering for just a few seconds before pulling back with a smile.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered in a suggestive voice, and the quiet laugh that Magnus gave in return was the best present Alec could ever receive.

---

"Alexander, you are not going to pregame this dinner," Magnus said, yanking the beer out of Alec's hand and setting it on the kitchen counter. "It's going to be fine."

"One beer wasn't going to hurt anyone." Alec pouted, ignoring when Magnus rolled his eyes. He looked stunning, in a fitted red silk shirt and tight black pants. He had toned down the makeup for the occasion- Alec hated that his husband felt the need to appeal more to his mother's standards whenever they went to see her, but he had to choose his battles- with thin black liner and pink eyeshadow. Alec never got tired of marveling at how absolutely gorgeous Magnus was, and in that moment, with the multicolored lights from the tree shining across his body, reflecting in his eyes, he looked otherworldly. Alec reached out and intertwined their fingers, allowing a smile to spread across his face. "I know it'll be fine. You'll be there."

Magnus glowed brighter than the lights as he smiled back, and just as he opened his mouth to reply, a voice sounded from behind them.

"I think dad and papa are flirting again, just like Aunt Izzy said," Max said, failing miserably in his attempt to stay quiet and go unnoticed. He had his hand cupped around one side of his mouth- Alec wouldn't mention that it was the wrong side- as though he was telling Rafael a very important secret. Alec and Magnus exchanged an amused glance before Alec squatted down so that he was eye-level with Max.

"You know what that means, right?" He whispered mysteriously, holding back a laugh as he watched his sons' eyes widen. They leaned closer, curiosity evident in their gazes, and Alec smiled. "We have cooties," he finished, then reached out to tickle both of them, delighting in the peals of laughter that left their throats. They wiggled around, trying to escape, but Alec picked both of them up in each arm and balanced them on his hips, pressing a kiss to their heads and only cringing a little bit at the sensation of the gel that Magnus placed there in an attempt to tame their hair.

"Now, speaking of Aunt Izzy," Magnus said, his smile wide as his eyes shifted across each of their faces. "Who's ready to go see her?"

The boys called out, raising their hands, and Alec met Magnus' gaze as he set them down. He took a deep breath, letting his husband's warm presence calm him, and nodded.

He was ready to finally have the Christmas he had always dreamed of.

—

The expression on Isabelle's face when she opened the door to their mother's house was priceless, and as she leaned in to hug Alec, she whispered, "Wait until you see this." The words made anxiety ball up in his stomach, but his sister still seemed to be in good spirits as she greeted Magnus and the kids, so he figured that whatever it was, it wasn't bad, just surprising.

"Take off your shoes," he instructed right before Max and Rafael went to run into the house, and watched fondly as they shoved them off of their feet. He neatened up the boots quickly, and as they jetted down the hallway, Magnus following quickly behind, he turned back to Isabelle, raising his eyebrows. "Wait until I see what?"

"Go in there and you'll find out." She nodded in the direction of the living room, and Alec narrowed his eyes at her, stalling for another few seconds before wrapping an arm around her and kissing her temple.

"I've missed you," he said sincerely as they walked together down the hallway. "How is Maia-"

Every single word that Alec had swirling around in his head came to a screeching halt as he entered the living room. Jace was sitting on the floor, laughing as Max and Rafael jumped all over him, his little brother Max was in one of the chairs playing a game on his phone, and on the couch sat his mother, but she was not alone. Luke, a family friend of theirs, was sat beside her, and their hands were grasped together as they watched the scene in front of them. Magnus was standing off to the side, his expression carefully composed as he looked at the couple, and Alec forced himself to do the same before anyone noticed his presence.

Isabelle squeezed his arm gently, whispering, "I know, right? I never saw it coming, but they actually look good together." Alec watched for another moment, waiting for his pulse to return to normal, then he cleared his throat. Maryse turned to look at him, and Luke a second later, and they both smiled, standing up with their hands still linked.

"Alec," his mother greeted, walking forward and releasing Luke only to wrap her arms around her son. Alec hugged her back gently, still not entirely used to exchanging affection with her. It had been years since they decided to put their past behind them and start over, but there had also been many years where they didn't get along whatsoever, so he felt like he was justified in feeling a little bit uncomfortable sometimes. There was no one he loved more than his family, but even he had his limits. "I'm so glad you could make it. You remember Luke, I'm sure?"

She sounded nervous, her eyes flitting across Alec's face as she waited for his reaction. His mind flashed back to all of the Christmases that ended in his mother crying, locked away where no one could reach her, and compared it to now. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips tilted up in a small grin, and it was such a sharp contrast to how she had been before that he was struck speechless for a moment. He hadn't known, back then, why his mother distanced herself from him and his siblings, why she always seemed so cold, but he did now. His father hadn't given her much of a choice. He forced her to build her defenses thicker and thicker until she couldn't see past them anymore, and after he finally left, it had taken more than just a few conversations to get her to take some of them down again. She was happy now. That's all Alec ever wanted for the people he loved, and he certainly never wanted them to think otherwise.

"Of course," he replied, leaning forward to shake Luke's hand. "It's nice to see you."

Maryse practically beamed as Luke placed his hand on her back, and Alec felt warm, not because he was embarrassed or because he felt awkward, but because this was the first time in so long that he felt normal. He finally had everything he wanted.

Later that night, as they all sat around the table, eating and laughing and enjoying each other's company, Alec nudged Magnus with his arm. His husband met his eyes, tilting his head slightly just like he had when Alec introduced himself for the first time, and a wide grin settled on Alec's face as he spoke quietly.

"You were right, all of those years ago," he murmured, intertwining their fingers. Magnus only seemed to become more confused at this, and Alec let out a small laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. "You said it would be the year that things turned around for me."

Magnus looked taken aback at this, but pleasantly surprised nonetheless. He squeezed Alec's fingers, signifying that they would talk about it more later, and Alec squeezed back, his heart already pounding in anticipation.

Back then he had no idea just how much that unsuspecting man who was walking in front of him would change his life, but it was as though the second they collided- literally- Alec's entire world brightened. He had been lost for so long, unable to see light at the end of the tunnel he had been traveling inside of for years, but Magnus helped guide him out of it, helped him see that there was not only still beauty in the world, but also still beauty in himself. No amount of time or words could ever repay that debt, but he would try for the rest of his life if that's what it took.

Alec had always dreamed of having the perfect Christmas, but he realized in that moment, with everyone he loved in the same room, that this one occasion was no different than his every day, because no matter what, he was always surrounded by people who made his life brighter than any present or decoration ever could.

#jinellewarner #malecsanta17 #*fic17 #*gifts17

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katychan666 · 7 years

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One of a kind

After the date, Alec is feeling self-conscious and even though he doesn’t mind Magnus’ past relationships, he can’t help himself but to compare himself to them and he thinks that he might not be enough. With that on his mind and his sister’s advice, for once he tries not to overthink things. However, things don’t exactly as he planned them to go.

(Shadowhunters, 2x07. I know what happened in the show – they went all the way – but in my fanfic things happen a bit differently).

''Magnus, you have nothing to worry about. I want this,'' said Alec and let out a small, nervous chuckle, not really getting why his boyfriend had second thoughts about taking their relationship to the next level. Alec didn’t know how long one was supposed to wait, since this was the first relationship that he was in, but he didn’t want Magnus to think anything less of him because of that. Alec could see uncertainty in Magnus’ eyes and he could feel doubt creeping back into his heart. Trying to listen to his sister’s advice about not overthinking things too much, Alec grabbed the collar of Magnus’ shirt and claimed his lips once again, taking a few steps forwards, leading Magnus towards his bedroom and was kind of relieved that Magnus didn’t interrupt him again that time and went along with him.

Alec kissed Magnus with such passion and hunger that it made the older’s head spin and he kissed the Shadowhunter back, with the same hunger and need, gasping when he was pushed back and his eyes widened when Alec pushed him into his bedroom. He applied a bit more pressure to their kiss, but frowned as he kept his eyes open and his heart shook when he noticed that Alec’s fingers, which were still gripping onto his shirt, were shaking. There was something off about his boyfriend and no matter how much the warlock enjoyed the more aggressive side of Alec, he knew that Alec was probably pushing himself. He meant his every word from before; it’s been a while since he felt like that about someone and he didn’t want to rush into things, with the possibility of losing Alec in the process. He wished to take the next step in their relationship, gods knew how tempting the idea was, but he knew that Alexander wasn’t ready.

“Magnus,” gasped Alec against Magnus’ lips and the warlock’s breath shook as well, thickly swallowing when he felt Alec’s cold fingers travelling down his back, slowly slipping under his shirt, lifting it up. A smirk tugged at the warlock’s lips when he looked at Alec; he looked so worked up already, his lips swollen from his hectic kisses and there was a bright pink flush coming up his cheeks.

Alec closed his eyes, trying to stay focused. The way that Magnus’ eyes were travelling up and down his face made that kind of impossible and he gasped when he heard Magnus’ soft gasp when his fingers finally came in contact with Magnus’ hot skin. The Shadowhunter bit into his lower lip as he lifted Magnus’ shirt more and dragged his tongue over his under lip. He had the chance to see the older one shirtless before, but this time it was different. He didn’t get to touch his boyfriend the last time and before Magnus could say something, Alec had already gotten rid of his shirt, throwing it onto the bed.

It took a while for Alec to calm his racing heart a bit as his hazel eyes admired Magnus’ sun-kissed skin and he let out a hitched breath as he found himself to be staring into Magnus’ eyes, which were full of love and affection. “Magnus, uh,” stammered the younger one, his voice an octave lower than usual. “Can I, um, touch you?” was Alec’s question and the innocence of the question made Magnus’ heart melt.

“Yeah, touch as much as you want, Alexander,” whispered Magnus and gently took Alec’s hand into his own, guiding it closer to his bare chest, placing the Shadowhunter’s palm over his heart. Alec’s eyes widened when he could feel Magnus’ racing heart and he gasped, moving his hand a little bit. Alec’s fingers travelled across the warlock’s chest and he parted his lips just a little bit as he allowed his hand to move lower slightly, enjoying the feeling of his fingers sliding across Magnus’ rock hard body. As he continued to touch, he could see the change in Magnus’ breathing, his chest was lifting and descending much faster, heaving for air when he felt Alec’s fingers sliding across his abdomen. Alec’s eyes flickered up again and his throat went dry.

Magnus could barely feel the touch, Alexander’s fingers were merely grazing against his skin as he explored his body, yet every place that Alec touched, burned. The moment was far too intimate on Magnus’ part and he barely restrained himself from pushing Alec down and devour him right at that spot. Knowing that it was Alec’s first time, he allowed the younger man to take things at his own pace, like always. He didn’t want to be seen as too pushy. When Alec’s hands were on his chest, Magnus looked down and let out a hitched breath; only then he noticed just how beautiful Alec’s hands were. They were rough at the touch and filled with little scars, but beautiful.

“I, uh, I,” stammered Alec and closed his eyes again, trying to stay focused. “You’re beautiful, Magnus,” he then blurted out and went red into the face when he heard himself say that. Magnus chewed on his lower lip and he couldn’t hide his smile really, it was rare that someone called him beautiful.

“You’re quite pleasant on the eyes as well,” whispered Magnus, serious, but there was a hint of playfulness in his voice as well. He placed his own hand over Alec’s heart and chuckled when he felt just how fast Alec’s heart was beating. Then again, his own was racing as well. Magnus’ eyes travelled down to Alec’s deflect rune and he then gently touched Alec’s neck, running his thumb up and down it. Before Alec could say anything, Magnus leaned forward and did something that he’d found himself wishing to do for a while now; he placed a few gentle kisses over the rune on the Shadowhunter’s neck, Alec’s eyebrows curling up as a surprised gasp left his mouth. With a grin, Magnus kissed his way along Alec’s jaw and he came closer a little bit to Alec, gently cupping his face and then gently kissed him. It was the first time that Magnus was the one to initiate the kiss and a soft ‘oh,’ left Alec’s lips as their lips met in a soft kiss.

It was at that exact moment that Alec found himself thinking about it again. He tried not to think too much, but he couldn’t help himself really. Magnus didn’t look too enthusiastic earlier, but he didn’t know how to take that. It was Magnus usually the one who kept on constantly flirting with him, so he was puzzled with his reaction before. The Shadowhunter didn’t really understand what Magnus meant by losing him; it didn’t make any sense. Alec wanted to do it, with every inch of his body, yet, he felt nervous about it. He tried to hide and fight it, but he couldn’t really stop himself from comparing himself to Magnus’ exes. He didn’t mind that Magnus had a past, but he was still self-conscious. What if he wasn’t good enough? Taking the next step was the only way that Alec could think of to make sure of that.

Magnus frowned when Alec suddenly stopped kissing him and he let out a small sigh as he broke their kiss, running fingers through his hair, but the smile remained on his face. That, however, brought Alec back to reality and he gave the warlock a puzzled look. “Why did you stop?” asked Alec with a small voice.

“Alexander,” started Magnus. “I have a feeling that if we take things any further than this, we’d be rushing into something that you’d probably later regret,” he then added.

“No, I wouldn’t regret it,” said Alec and started panicking again. It took him so much to gather enough courage to bring this issue up and there was no way that he was backing from it at this point. “I’m sure enough, so let’s just get over with it and-”

“Get over with it?” asked Magnus, offended and he shook his head, taking a step back. “This would be your, our, first time. It isn’t something that you just get ‘over with’, as you put it. Frankly, it makes me upset that it would mean this little to you,” he then added and folded his arms on top of his chest, his expression turning into a troubled and hurt one, making Alec’s heart fall to the pit of his stomach.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” whispered Alec, hurt himself as well and he then looked down. He should’ve put it in a better way, so he was annoyed with himself. Alec wasn’t good with words and with people, he always managed to mess something up. Usually, he wouldn’t care, but not that much. There was too much at stake and he didn’t want to risk ending a relationship that he fought for so much to make it work. “I just-”

“Then what exactly did you mean?” asked Magnus, interrupting Alec and he quickly walked to the bed, taking his shirt into his hands and he then put it back on, the moment from before completely ruined. So much about taking things to another level.

“I just,” started Alec, but his voice trailed off and he took in a deep breath. He was doing that again, overthinking things and he nervously put his hands together behind his back. Say what’s on your mind, he thought and looked up at Magnus, who looked rather annoyed by then. “For once I didn’t want to overthink things and I, um, I just wanted to go with the flow,” whispered Alec and saw that Magnus arched his eyebrow. “Izzy said that I shouldn’t overthink things like I usually am and just go-”

“Ah, Isabelle?” asked Magnus and chuckled. So, Alec probably went to his sister for an advice about his love life? Alec nervously nodded and Magnus sighed, shaking his head. It was Isabelle probably who gave him the advice that he shouldn’t overthink things and while Magnus would agree with her on that usually, having sex wasn’t something that one could just do without thinking about it for a little longer. “While your dear sister usually has good advice, I wouldn’t think of this one as a good one,” said Magnus softly and stepped closer to the Shadowhunter again. “Now tell me this, do you think that you’re ready? Ask yourself and give me an honest answer, without worrying about anything or anyone else.”

Alec hesitated about giving Magnus an answer, but deep inside he knew it all along that it was still a bit early. Plus, Magnus as well thought that it would be rushing into it, so he slowly nodded. “Maybe we should wait a bit longer, yeah,” muttered Alec and Magnus gave him a little nod and kissed him softly.

“I agree,” said Magnus and pressed their foreheads together for a moment. “Why were you in such a hurry to suddenly make such a big step? I mean I do get you, because look at me,” said Magnus playfully and Alec snorted at his boyfriend’s comment, rolling his eyes. “But we were just on our first date and you, yourself, told me that I am your first relationship,” he said, because he still didn’t get it.

“Well,” stammered Alec and looked down. “I was just afraid that I wouldn’t be good enough,” he then after a few moments of silence and Magnus’ eyes grew wide. “I mean, as you’ve said before, you are experienced and I’m… the complete opposite of that. I’m not bothered by your past relationships, but I couldn’t help but to…”

Magnus heart fell heavy when he heard those words and he quickly shook his head. “Don’t compare yourself to any of my exes and don’t force yourself to be someone that you aren’t,” said Magnus softly and gently took Alec’s hand into his own, lacing their fingers together. ”This, between us, the way I feel for you, is different from any other times that I’ve been with someone. You’re different and that’s a good thing. You’re one of a kind, Alexander, so please, don’t compare yourself to others, because you can’t compare yourself to others. You’re special and something new for me to. In a way, my first as well.”

Alec opened his mouth to say something, but then just closed it again and pressed his lips together. Suddenly, he felt like the biggest moron ever and he just bowed his head down, defeated. He was no match for Magnus’ maturity. “I’m sorry, I was acting like a complete idiot. Look, let’s just do something else, okay?”

“You shouldn’t feel stupid,” whispered Magnus and kissed the top of Alec’s head, still holding the younger’s hand in his own, slowly stepping towards the bed. He then sat down and Alec’s eyes widened when the warlock pulled him down onto the bed as well. Alec sent his boyfriend a confused look. “Now, I have another idea how we could enjoyed ourselves between the sheets,” he said with a smirk and Alec arched an eyebrow. “Cuddling would count as taking a step further in our relationship, right?”

“Right,” said Alec and a smile spread across his face as he laid down and felt how Magnus placed his head on top of his chest. Too lazy to put the bedcovers over them himself, Magnus snapped his fingers, blue sparks flying underneath his fingers and Alec chuckled as the bedsheets were being pulled up, enjoying the warmth and comfort of Magnus’ bed. “Perfect,” he muttered, his worries from before finally fleeing away. Magnus’ words stuck with him and he smiled. One of a kind, he thought. He was quite pleased with that.

“Hmm, more than perfect,” said Magnus and leaned up, giving his boyfriend one final kiss.

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