#it's like 1am and i'm rambling

[somegrumpynerd]

Thinking about how Nightmare has 4 mortals and 3 of them are so so bad at taking care of themselves

#UTDR #UTMV #My Art #Truce au #Killer Sans #Dust Sans #Cross Sans #Horror Sans #Nightmare Sans #''I don't feel like drawing a bunch I'll just do a quick silly doodle'' sits up until 1am finishing this #But this is about their bad habits not mine so #Killer and Cross are the worst offenders for sleep but they're pretty managable #Dust is the worst for food but Horror can coax him into enough food to get by #Horror was - for a short time when he first joined - Nightmare's clear favourite #Because he would actually ASK for things when he needed them #(Not that his joining didn't have problems of it's own but y'know #Nightmare was starting to expect it at this point) #I should ramble for 10 pages about the boys joining the gang someday #Not now cause I'm going to bed but y'know #Anyway goodnight gang!

[lazylittledragon]

do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

#ramble #yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am #and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. #drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks #i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me #one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know #i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary #some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier #and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless #signs that i should go to bed ^^^^ #i will resume my pity party tomorrow

[scrawnytreedemon]

Seriously tempted to make a highkey detached headcanon/pseudo-analysis post regarding Zant and gender. Probably a bad idea.

#scrawny rambles #zant #strong emphasis on the pseudo it's red string pins and corkboards fueled by audhd & months if not cumulative years of hyperfixation #my thing is that the optics are awful and this is tumblr #when it's like. alot of finding my gender issues and feminine rage in a character that... does not play *well* with that #it could be seen as crossing a line when i'm closeted transmasc and i see them as. well closeted *something else* #if that makes sense #it's deeply meaningful to me and comes from a place of compassion #but i think even someone in good faith can see the obvious issues with that #let alone the numerous people who either don't/no longer have the patience #or are looking for a fight #idk man. don't really have anyone personally to talk about this with that has the same extensive bg on the guy as i #i've got good and eager friends #but i'm giving them the context— the conversation is inherently led and skewed by my biases in a topic i have wayyy too much investment in #and they don't. yknow? #as opposed to presenting it to other people who share it and have wider context #and the sense to know if i'm bullshitting #the lens ends up being an addition instead of the groundwork; y'feel? #it's 1am god help #seasonal depression has my sleep schedule in a shit pit. sad! #tl;dr: things that look bad unfortunately compell me and that's why i give villains 18752489 flavours of queer biracial and neurodiv. ty. #just like me fr frrrrr

[doodle17]

Could you maybe tell us what future Raz and Lilis relationship is like now?

*vibrating with excitement*

Putting this under a read more because it might be really long hemngh

So I'd decided to study their characters and how they interact a little more (mostly from the second game, but a little bit of the first too) and think about how their relationship would develop as they got older.

I came to the conclusion that I want to portray them as two people who have some level of affection for the other, but don't have time to focus on being sappy "boyfriend and girlfriend" because of work. The "fun" part their relationship ended waaaay back when they were 18-ish and went from Junior Agents to Official Psychonauts. It ain't exactly easy to go on dates and save the world at the same time y'know, and both of them have a lot of personal stuff going on.

Raz is almost always busy. Constantly filling out paperwork, running around in Sasha's lab, doing agent stuff, Circus stuff, the WHOLE shebang. Lili, is still trying to get over her dad's retirement, as the while thing still feels very surreal to her. Not to mention Hollis and her dad trying to push her to become the next Grand Head, much to her dismay. It's not very easy to have a social life with that much going on to be 100% honest.

Theres also taking their very different personalities into account. Lili's "Fuck around and find out" and Raz's sticking to a solid plan type of methods tend to clash quite often, and many newcomers have a hard time telling whether or not they're dating or competing with eachother.

Lili is probably the most complicated woman Raz has ever worked with, and while he finds it endearing he also finds it incredibly exhausting. Sometimes, It feels like she'll do the exact opposite of what he tells her just to get a reaction out of him, out of spite. But it's not like she can help it. She absolutely hates being told what to do, and one of her least favorite things about Raz is when he decides to become "Mr. Boss man" and order everyone around during missions. Despite all of- that- however, they do end up having very successful missions!... Most of the time.

There's also the pressure to keep up professional appearances for their fellow agents and new interns. One thing the both of them can agree on, is that they'll avoid showing any PDA in front of their coworkers. They still cringe thinking about how a little too comfortable they were as kids, and how almost EVERYONE in the Motherlobe knew about it. Luckily, most of those people are retired, quit or fired, and gives the two a better chance to be a little more professional with their relationship in front of the newcomers, because if they have to hear, "You guys are like the next Sasha and Milla!" One more time...

This isn't to say that things are always rough and gloomy for them. They still have a very special connection, and after knowing eachother for half of their lives, it's not like they're going to get rid of the other anytime soon. So might as well make the most of it, eh? She'll never admit it out loud, but there's really no other person Lili would rather be tied up and dangling over a pool of pyrokenetic sharks with than Raz (which has actually happened before btw) There's no way you won't catch them holding hands or sneaking a quick kiss at least once.

Anyways, to sum all of this shishkabable up best I can: They're WAY too close to be considered "just coworkers", but they also have way too much going on to focus on a serious relationship at this time.

Good on you if you managed to read my nonsensical ramblings all the way through! Take a prize from the prize bin you deserve it 👏 👏👏

#I hope this makes sense- #It's like 1am rn and I kind if blacked out while writing this #I was on a roll for a hot minute #Feels kind of nice to have a creative ruch again since art hasn't been doing it for me recently #Anyways allow me to ramble some more in my tags now that I'm conscious again #I hope I managed to get my take on their relationship clear #I don't dislike razlili #I LOVE razlili #It's one of my comfort ships they're so stinkin cute #And as much as I love sappy future Raz and Lili #I want to try and focus on a more realistic and slightly dramatic take #AT LEAST IN MY EYES #I want to explore their business relationship as well as their romantic one #So why not do a mixture of both amiright #The only people who ever see the two of them “together” are the (previous) interns or the Aquatos #Also the old superstar agents like Sasha Milla etc. #But yeah #Idk im tired #doodles rants #psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #razputin aquato #lili zanotto #anon babble #Razlili #Psychonauts future

[the-magpie-archives]

The thing about blood is that once you've seen it you can never really get it out. It has a tendancy to linger, to drip into those places impossible to reach, a slow unnoticeable movement breaking its stagnation. Even if you think you've got all of it, chances are you haven't. The smell lingers, a sickly sweet fuzzy smell tinged with iron that somehow sticks in the back of your throat.

Imagine how much blood there was when Jared Hopworth attacked the institute. We know the boneturner is capable of removing bones with no blood at all but why would he when what he wants to cause is fear? He says that they undid the institute staff for parts, so I'd say they took a hell of a lot more than bones.

That's not to mention Melanie's attack with the knife, God knows how much blood Jared and his "perfect" friends had in their eldritch bodies, but if that knife hurt I'm willing to bet that blood was spilled. A lot of blood.

There's something uncanny about a place where something that awful's happened. Something in the foundations of the place. In a place with a history as messy as the institute I'm sure there was always something on the air, but that amount of bloodshed never really fades.

Even if you can't see or smell it I think there's something in the soul that knows it. Growing up there was a small park near where I lived, I always knew of it, walked past it, but never once had any desire to go near it. I don't know if I avoided it, but I never wanted to go into it. I found out a few years back that a girl died there. I won't go into detail but it was the kind of death that leaves that mark, and when I did eventually end up in that park the weight in the air was palpable.

I wonder if Jon could feel that sense of something when he came back to the institute after his coma. Does otherworldly sight stretch into the realms of the metaphysical? Could he see the residual fear of an entity so different to his own lingering in dark corners and clinging to his coworkers? Or could he simply sense it, that slight wrongness that would be so easy to attribute to being away for so long.

Jon didn't get a warm welcome, and perhaps he returned to a place that didn't even feel like the prison it'd been before. There's a comfort in the horrors we face daily, and even positive changes can make it feel even worse than it did before. The behaviour of his friends changed so much, and somehow so did the behaviour of his workplace.

It begs the question, is it better to know or to be oblivious? To be blind or to seek knowledge relentlessly? That feeling, that slight instinct that something happened here, there's something to know; how could one bear that after six months of knowing nothing real at all? Jon didn't know about the attack, and him knowing didn't help, but did he feel it? Was it there in that sea of knowledge the whole time but he couldn't bring himself to reach out and grasp it?

Because the thing with blood is that it lingers, and once you smell it, it never really goes away.

#Tma is a podcast so naturally I'm obsessed with the unspoken elements of it... Often the absence is more important than the presence #There's so many things that couldn't be said and episodes can only be so long so things like this show up in my brain #I just find blood fascinating in literature (and in reality of course) ‚ anything that literally fuels human life is an excellent metaphor #And it's so beautifully perverted by the flesh. So much of the flesh is about beauty and perfection #But as an audience we're never really drawn to agree or sympathise in a meaningful way #Which is actually really cool and I'll probably write a post about that one day #Anyways let me stop rambling in the tags. It's 1am and I'm not even sure the post makes sense! The tags needn't be worse. #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus institute #jonathan sims #jared hopworth #tma the flesh #melanie king #tma season 4 #tma the slaughter #Oh god now the trigger warnings #tw blood #tw death mention #tw death #tw injury #tw knife #tw violence #tw horror #Okay I think that's enough. As always if you think of any more let me know!

[coffee-bat]

i finally started watching gravity falls btw :))

#it's long overdue and i've been putting it off for like. years💀💀 #so i started watching at like 1am today. watched like 2.5 episodes and went a mimir #i'm enjoying it so far though!! #ramble

[greymoon]

i have 84 drafts and i want to clear most of them out, so lots of posts incoming, let's see how many i get through

(mostly reblogs because i either wanted to post something else fist or didn't want to type out tags, i used to fast reblog so much but then I wanted tags,,,, idk i'm a confusing tumberlina still learning her tumblr ways and habits despite being here for a few years already)

#grey rambles #g misc #g posting #ignore that i'm doing this at like 1am

[adammilligan]

see the thing to consider about the early years of the cage is like. michael and adam's relationship (<-as a general term. the BEGINNINGS of it) was developing directly alongside the prime example of an archangel absolutely turning upon his vessel re: sam and lucifer. and they were bystanders to this! they could see what was happening! but first of all adam was powerless to do anything about it/would've been depending entirely on whatever protection michael would've deigned to give him back then during a time where they probably very much did not like each other and second of all while michael implied in 5x13 that he viewed what the other (arch)angels did to their vessels as something to disapprove of ("unlike my brothers, i won't leave you a drooling mess when i'm done wearing you") he still fundamentally does not give a shit so long as it doesn't affect him.

like while michael has always treated his vessels with respect while possessing them just based on his phrasing i'm like 90% sure he only did it (back then) to set himself apart from his brothers and keep himself established as the big brother setting the example. if that makes sense. he was being very proper about it he was like you see as much as i also think humanity is beneath me god favored them and so i will treat my vessels with respect as he intended. yknow. and i do think that seeing lucifer absolutely tear sam apart would've reinforced this? like ohhhh i am so much better than lucifer i would never stoop to a level like that. i think at least SOME of the early cage years with michael leaving adam alone would've been because of the fact that he's trying to be better than lucifer and what better way to do that than to prove to god that he isn't some savage animal who would turn on his most favorite creation with a lust for sadism.

and this would have to be present for their early interactions is the thing! because adam is THERE! he can see it happening! like not only is he helpless in the face of sam's torture but he is also put in a position where he is constantly Very Much Aware of the fact that michael. at any point. at any time. could turn on him and start doing the exact same to him that lucifer was doing to sam. and he has a VERY real reason to feel this way because for all that michael may leave him alone he literally already signed off on his torture once. what was stopping him from doing it again but with his own hands this time? his own pride, and that was pretty much it. and when you compare it to how they are centuries and centuries later, when adam speaks his mind to michael without any fear whatsoever and doesn't even flinch when michael snaps at him because adam had him backed into a corner, it's insane. but in those years back then? when michael's faith in god and that he was the better of the two of them was pretty much the only reason that adam wasn't getting ripped apart like sam was? yeah no adam would've been. absolutely fucking terrified of michael. like there is just no way around that.

but at the same time he is in! that! position! where the only thing he can do is RELY on michael. and it's a horrible position to be in and to look at from an outside perspective. even with the future knowledge that michael never once betrays adam's trust in him and that they will eventually grow to care for each other as deeply as they do. it's like you have adam sitting there listening to sam's screams and not being able to do a thing about it and watching michael and going. if you think it's so savage then why don't you do something about it? and then you have michael going because it's none of my concern. and besides, he was the one who diverted god's plan. he's the one who got us all trapped down here. and then you have adam going well why aren't you torturing me then? for not being the true vessel? and then you have michael going don't be ridiculous. i would never stoop to my brother's level of monstrous, and it's hardly like you're worth my time. and then you have adam, who stays very very quiet at that because his real thoughts about it might piss michael off. might dig himself deeper into this hole he's found himself in. because he's thinking, buddy. you're just as much of a monster. you've just got a different complex about it. but he can't say that and so he doesn't.

#the trust that developed between michael and adam is absolutely batshit insane. especially when you think about the times BEFORE that trust #developed and what it would've been like for them. michael sneering at lucifer's brutality. adam absolutely terrified that the same thing #is going to happen to him ESPECIALLY since michael already signed off on his torture once. like it's the cage and it's just. #a bad situation all around. do you get me #anyway. it's 1am and i'm so fucking tired and i'm just gonna post this without a readmore because it's my blog and i can do what i want #goodnight. i need to stop pulling this shit #kate rambles #we came to an agreement

[eggmeralda]

overcome with the sudden urge to listen to songs my friend likes...what does that mean

#the friend i had some massive platonic thing for back in october 2021 and then again for a bit at the start of 2022 #the one with the girlfriend who i had absolute drama with in 3rd year of uni. but not for reasons of like. me formerly having a thing for #her boyfriend but actually just bc she was a bitch and really toxic and manipulative to him anD THEY'RE STILL TOGETHER what is up with that #anyway i have a playlist of songs he likes and i am. Listening to it...... all of a sudden #wtf wthag the fuckkk wha tfo you mean ye what i #but i also have the overwhelming need to listen to songs i liked in spring 2020. idek why i'm experiencing both these things at once #i didn't even know him in spring 2020 #i think it's bc i was thinking about the secret history this morning which was soooo spring 2020 for me #and don't delete the kisses was The song of spring 2020 it was so symbolic of. the events going on at work #and my friend loves that song and we listened to the album on vinyl together at like 1am on the sofa in october 2021 and. #and i accidentally just listened to that song which is responsible for me currently experiencing both these Vibes #anyway disregard this post i am just feeling thoughts and thinking feelings #ramble

[quatregats]

Just pulled an all-nighter for no apparent reason, very interesting

#at like 10pm i was like this feels like 1am and now that it's 7am i'm like this might as well be 2am for all i can tell #i should go to bed this is concerning #unfortunately i also have a case of the hornblower brainworms and would like to beam several stories directly from my head #but that's not going to translate into anything meaningful at this stage so i might as well sleep #perce rambles #crazy though how i pulled exactly one all-nighter in college and it was the last day of finals my fourth year #and since then i've pulled several for no reason at all #not sure what's up with the old brain but it's been on a very weird wavelength since graduation and/or covid year off

[bitegore]

Why am I up before the sun. I'm on vacation

#red rambles #i have to bite my stupif sleeping pills in half because my doc fucked my script up and gave me double price ones and it wore off at like #4am #so now it's 6:30 and i'm up #my ass only got in bed at like 1am!

[theauthorlives]

Here's a question for you folks: have you ever considered that for all the Christmas traditions and expectations around the setting, there are people who have never had a 'white' one?

I was - I was talking to someone earlier today and you know what they told me? They said that they're more used to grey Christmases and cannot remember a proper white one like in the movies. A grey Christmas is, er, that's where there's rain instead of snow, so it looks duller compared to a snowfall. And you know, it makes sense when you think about it. This world is so vast and varied that we don't all have the same local climate. I mean, that's a pretty ridiculous concept when you think about it. If everywhere was the same, then there wouldn't be places people would travel for skiing, or-or go to the beach on summer vacations.

And that's not even considering those in the south who celebrate Christmas in the middle of summer. It'd be impossible to have a white Christmas there.

Well, when I told this to my friend Orville, he said that they could have a 'white' Christmas if the beach counted. I said to him, I said, "Orville, most beaches aren't white. They're normally a pale gold-yellow colour."

And Orville said, "That depends on the light from the sun."

To which I said, "Everything changes under different lights. That's like saying you're a blue elephant because we're in a certain part of the Pizzaplex."

A blue elephant....? Where was I going with this...?

O-oh, I remember.

No matter how you might celebrate the holiday season, and no matter what your beliefs or traditions are, I hope you have a good time over the next few days. A-and be sure to take social breaks. There's nothing wrong with having to take time out to charge those batteries.

(Especially if you're like me and have to carry a battery around.)

#(he's still inactive but I just felt like writing best grandpa for once. There's a natural rambling that I still enjoy all this time later) #(I'm not going to rp the f.naf muses. I can barely rp the characters I want to write at present) #(but it's 1am so I probably should get a little sleep) #(tbh one of the silly pipe dreams would just be to have a blog dedicated to Hippo rambles but I don't think I'd actually be able to commit)

[mafukasa]

Some thoughts on Tsukasa’s next unit focus...

cw spoilers for the new wxs event(?)

I’m ngl I can’t help but wonder what Tsukasa's next wxs focus event will be like considering the perfect build-up for it that’s been going on for the past few events.

They basically kept highlighting how much Tsukasa wants to keep on improving and moving forward through showing us his disappointment with the end of wxs’  promotional performances, him being visibly worried about his own skills among other skilled actors in curtain call, and now in his new year’s mixed focus we once again saw how much he values and needs performances in different environments and with new people, which was immediately followed by Emu’s focus event, where he took his own steps to move forward through practicing at the workshop on his own record.

Another thing that really makes me Think is how so far he seems to be the only wxs member that isn’t too scared of their future separation lmao. We already got a view on Nene’s, Rui’s, and Emu’s feelings on that topic, and it’s clear that all of them have/had a hard time accepting and coming to terms with their (most likely) unavoidable disbandment. And I feel like it’s safe to assume that we will get to know Tsukasa’s true feelings towards it in the next event, if they follow the current pattern.

I may be proven wrong in the future but — I really do feel like after seeing how much the idea of parting ways pained the other three, we will now get hit with Tsukasa not feeling nearly as upset about it as they do in his next focus lol. It’s been kind of implied in the past events, and if we also connect it with the emotional distance between him and the rest of wxs members, it really would make a lot of sense.

But it’s obviously not like he’d immediately jump to separating himself from them so suddenly, and it’s definitely not like he doesn’t care about wxs either. He does care about them a lot, and has a high sense of responsibility towards them as their leader. However it’s important to note that it is implied in many scenes that his attachment towards them is more of a “I will make sure to support you as your leader while we’re still performing together” than a “I would do anything to stay with you and somehow connect our goals to do it”.

And noticing all of that also made me believe that his next focus might be about him having an internal conflict, and perhaps a pretty big one on top of that. I feel that soon the two sides of him, the utter determination to achieve his main goal combined with his need to keep on moving forward, and the desire to make everyone happy without being a disappointment to them instead, will make him question his future steps and what he truly wants, when the topic of wxs’ disbandment gets brought up once again. 

Because if we imagine a scenario where someone offers him a spot in some other troupe, that would allow him to improve even further and was basically a chance that someone with dreams like his would never let slide (similar to what Rui has gone through in curtain call lol), what exactly would he do? On one hand he desperately wants to keep on making progress and hates standing still, but on the other hand the sense of responsibility he has towards wxs wouldn’t let him just leave like that, especially if he also saw how hard it is for others to even consider leaving wxs. They would surely be incredibly upset if Tsukasa just decided to leave them, and he doesn’t want them to be unhappy because of him. He cannot let himself be a disappointment in their eyes.

TL;DR I need this man to be put in a situation where he will have to choose between the two things he values the most  — other people’s happiness and his own personal goal of becoming a star  — and possibly even realize how much his feelings and aspirations clash with the ones of other wxs members in this area.

On top of that, I find it so interesting how the next Tsukasa focus might end up being the 88th event in proseka (which is estimated for march), which makes me believe it may have a really big lore importance both for Tsukasa himself, and the rest of the unit.

And I feel like the recent build-up for a Tsukasa event even further proves that it really might be the case after all.

#prsk lore rambles #I wrote this at like 1am I'm so sorry if it barely makes any sense #but wow I sure am excited for Tsukasa's next event. #we will see how right or wrong I was all along lmao

[cold-neon-ocean]

short-ish vent/explanation as to why things have been so slow sobs

I don’t really feel the passage of time anymore but it’s crazy how much time I’ve lost just since February to just one after another dealing with the house pets. First our puppy’s neuter, then my sister bringing her cats into the house, her cats tearing things up and needing to be watched constantly (by me of course bc I’m the only one here), her cats then giving everyone ringworm which was a nearly 2 month ordeal that we’re still recovering from physically and financially, and now both puppies (one has seemed to recover now) are having some sort of intestinal issue the vets don’t know the cause of, but I’m just cleaning bloody diarrhea (its not parvo, the vet tested) and doing laundry all day.

I never really got the chance to recover from the introduction of the puppies back in September last year. I feel like my life has been overtaken by all these animals completely against my will and out of my control. Mom is just hemorrhaging money from all these obligations and vet bills she never planned/asked for, and I’m trying to help (despite none of these pets being mine) while also barely having the time to work that I used to. I used to be able to sit at my desk nearly all day without being interrupted but now dealing with all these animals by the time I get to sit at my desk I’m exhausted and it’s like 7pm but I gotta get up at 6am to give out medications and make breakfast for 5 pets.

Its starting to calm down but I’m just really upset over how all this affected my ability to work since these extended wait times reflects on my business very poorly and it’s just been killing me because this is not how I normally conduct things but I just had the rug completely snatched from under me and haven’t really been able to get back up. 

I also want to make clear that none of these animals are mine, nor did I have anything to do with the decision making to get them. I was told by my fam that it was expressly kept secret from me- literally until the animals came through the front door, because they knew I’d be upset because I’d have to watch them since I’m the only one home. The only pet that belongs to me is my leopard gecko who is a perfect angel boy who I’ve had not one issue with since getting him (he just turned 2 last month). 

Things are (hopefully) starting to stabilize, I’m praying that we can have just a little time without an animal having some sort of health crisis. I’m really sorry this has been such a long running thing, I never could have anticipated for any of it. I’m so grateful for the patience of my commissioners and am especially sorry to them, this isn’t normally how my business handles and I’m really ashamed of it.

#Matsu Blogging #vent #[ i'm typing this at almost 1am cries sorry if it's a bit rambly #i've been very frustrated for a good while #and the most recent health crisis hasn't helped #I love the puppies don't get me wrong #I like one of the cats and tolerate the other #it's just literally been one thing after another in a nearly year long succession #once this queue is clear I'm gonna be pulling back on commissions if possible #at least until things start to stabilize #I've been job hunting for a while and a new prospect has come up #i hope it works out #i need the stable income so badly #i don't normally like venting like this but I've just been feeling so terrible #like I have no control in my life rn and it's affecting my business #idk if you read this far I really appreciate it lol #sorry this got so long #I feel like this has just become a stain on my career as an artist when I think about it #and I feel like I broke the trust of some clients who I valued a lot #it's just such a terrible feeling ]

[lostintime-liketearsinrain]

New year, same shitty mental illness 💔

#first day back in work today and it was difficult #it's strange #I've done this job for 8 years yet I'm struggling with it so much of late #the mundane aspect of it #feeling of wasting my time #I legit had a breakdown at one point today where my head spiralled and just thought what's the point of it all #like I don't know what's up with me of late #like i feel crazy #like I'm lost but have no real reason to be #I'm lucky. I have a job. a roof over my head. food in the cupboards and a loving family etc #yet my brain just feels numb and dark #I know it's the mental illness but it's draining of late #I think it's time to go back to the doctors #discuss some stronger meds and perhaps find a therapist #I'm 33 now and I just want to have a normal life with someone I love and a future to look forward to #right now all I feel is alone and I keep people at arms length because I'm damaged goods and its easier then letting them down #… its 1am right now and I'm just rambling #im sharing this stuff because it's healthier to be out with it then keep it bottled up #this is my blog after all #I don't want nor expect peoples sympathy or attention from this either #we all struggle and while I feel I have no one right now. I will always have this blog to share my thoughts without judgement #i will get better #i will get through this #…. #mental illness #depression #tw depression #trigger warning #personal

[humanmorph]

1am disgruntled about fanfiction characterization. Write him meaner

#1am isn't even that late in comparison to previous nights #it's just that I had an extremely terrible day and would frankly like to put it behind me. By sleeping & having it be tomorrow #But I'm not tired & went back to fucking around on my phone for a bit. Fanfiction. #Feels kind of novel rn to be disgruntled about sth like that. Low stakes negative emotion... #Rosa rambles #Ok. Giving this another shot. Sleeping