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#its 7:39 and the birds are chirping

the-chronicle-of-holy-days · 27 days

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Day 13

Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli

1. O my beautiful God! I swim in Thy heart like a trout in the mountain torrent.

2. I leap from pool to pool in my joy; I am goodly with brown and gold and silver.

3. Why, I am lovelier than the russet autumn woods at the first snowfall.

4. And the crystal cave of my thought is lovelier than I.

5. Only one fish-hook can draw me out; it is a woman kneeling by the bank of the stream. It is she that pours the bright dew over herself, and into the sand so that the river gushes forth.

6. There is a bird on yonder myrtle; only the song of that bird can draw me out of the pool of Thy heart, O my God!

7. Who is this Neapolitan boy that laughs in his happiness? His lover is the mighty crater of the Mountain of Fire. I saw his charred limbs borne down the slopes in a stealthy tongue of liquid stone.

8. And Oh! the chirp of the cicada!

9. I remember the days when I was cacique in Mexico.

10. O my God, wast Thou then as now my beautiful lover?

11. Was my boyhood then as now Thy toy, Thy joy?

12. Verily, I remember those iron days.

13. I remember how we drenched the bitter lakes with our torrent of gold; how we sank the treasurable image in the crater of Citlaltepetl.

14. How the good flame lifted us even unto the lowlands, setting us down in the impenetrable forest.

15. Yea, Thou wast a strange scarlet bird with a bill of gold. I was Thy mate in the forests of the lowland; and ever we heard from afar the shrill chant of mutilated priests and the insane clamour of the Sacrifice of Maidens.

16. There was a weird winged God that told us of his wisdom.

17. We attained to be starry grains of gold dust in the sands of a slow river.

18. Yea, and that river was the river of space and time also.

19. We parted thence; ever to the smaller, ever to the greater, until now, O sweet God, we are ourselves, the same.

20. O God of mine, Thou art like a little white goat with lightning in his horns!

21. I love Thee, I love Thee.

22. Every breath, every word, every thought, every deed is an act of love with Thee.

23. The beat of my heart is the pendulum of love.

24. The songs of me are the soft sighs:

25. The thoughts of me are very rapture:

26. And my deeds are the myriads of Thy children, the stars and the atoms.

27. Let there be nothing!

28. Let all things drop into this ocean of love!

29. Be this devotion a potent spell to exorcise the demons of the Five!

30. Ah God, all is gone! Thou dost consummate Thy rapture. Falútli! Falútli!

31. There is a solemnity of the silence. There is no more voice at all.

32. So shall it be unto the end. We who were dust shall never fall away into the dust.

33. So shall it be.

34. Then, O my God, the breath of the Garden of Spices. All these have a savour averse.

35. The cone is cut with an infinite ray; the curve of hyperbolic life springs into being.

36. Farther and farther we float; yet we are still. It is the chain of systems that is falling away from us.

37. First falls the silly world; the world of the old grey land.

38. Falls it unthinkably far, with its sorrowful bearded face presiding over it; it fades to silence and woe.

39. We to silence and bliss, and the face is the laughing face of Eros.

40. Smiling we greet him with the secret signs.

41. He leads us into the Inverted Palace.

42. There is the Heart of Blood, a pyramid reaching its apex down beyond the Wrong of the Beginning.

43. Bury me unto Thy Glory, O beloved, O princely lover of this harlot maiden, within the Secretest Chamber of the Palace!

44. It is done quickly; yea, the seal is set upon the vault.

45. There is one that shall avail to open it.

46. Nor by memory, nor by imagination, nor by prayer, nor by fasting, nor by scourging, nor by drugs, nor by ritual, nor by meditation; only by passive love shall he avail.

47. He shall await the sword of the Beloved and bare his throat for the stroke.

48. Then shall his blood leap out and write me runes in the sky; yea, write me runes in the sky.

This day is for my Cult ❤️❤️❤️ years favorite is in bold.

Artwork from https://www.lisasterle.com/mwt

#thelema #thelemic holy season #argentum astrum #holy days #silver star #tarot #the hermit

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grumpygreenwitch · 1 year

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The Fairy And The Prince #66 + #67 + #68 + #69 + #70 + #71 + #72

Part 1 - Part 2 - Parts 3 & 4 - Part 5 - Part 6, 7 & 8 - Part 9 & 10 - Part 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 & 16 - Part 17, 18, & 19 - Part 20, 21 & 22 - Part 23, 24, 25 & 26 - Part 27, 28, 29 & 30 - Part 31, 32, 33 & 34 - Part 35, 36 & 37 - Part 38, 39, 40 & 41 - Part 42 & 43 - Part 44 & 45 - Part 46 & 47 - Part 48, 49, 50 & 51 - Part, 52, 53 & 54 - Part 55 & 56 - Part 57, 58, 59 & 60 - Part 61, 62, 63, 64 & 65 - Part 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71 & 72

THIS IS IT. 103K words and I don’t even know how many months later, and it’s done. If you stuck it out with me, THANK YOU. Thank you from the bottom of my soul. If you enjoyed it, just a little, and would like to let me know, I’d appreciate it. If you hated it, I would like to know as well. When I first started writing this, I meant to go back and forth between it and Ser Lyrian’s story. I also thought it’d be a short story, a speed writing. It... is not. The size of it boggles my mind somewhat, and I’m the one who wrote it. If you came this far with me, and would like to do me a kindness, there are five questions I always ask of people who read my writing and express a willingness to go the extra mile.

1. Favorite Character? 2. Least Favorite Character? I’m interested in the character you love to hate, but if you have a character that’s just boring, I want to know about that, too. 3. Favorite Scene? 4. Least Favorite Scene? Meaning a scene that plodded on or was poorly written. 5. Anything else you liked/hated?

Adam managed. He even found the time and the energy, somehow, to scrub at his battered clothing, and to replace his missing sword with the traveling blade kept with his saddle. The peeping, chirping sparrows that made their homes in the vastness of the stables came to greet him; to them he'd always been Adam, and he always would be. They didn't care about crowns or Compacts or trials, lucky them.

He didn't meet any of the stable-hands he heard working in other parts of the vast building. He did meet some few people on the worn path going down to the stables, but sleepy and elderly and blind his horse was still a very large creature, and they scrabbled out of his way, staring in disbelief. Someone ran back up to the palace, and Adam kicked the charger into a light trot; even the jarring gait of its arthritic limbs felt good, felt real and solid against the Prince's own aches. "Trout, would you go tell them I'm coming?"

The pixie took off like a bird. He could hear the ruckus slowly growing somewhere in the depths of the castle as he rode up to the gate, frowning minutely when he realized the closer he drew, the more exhausted he felt, as if he were dragging miles of chains all unseen behind him. Had they snuck up another test on him? Were they truly cheating at the very last possible moment? He'd ride the horse to his bed if he had to, the charger seemed to have no problem carrying him.

His concerns scattered when he reached the palace gates, and a smile as sunny as the dawn broke over his face when he saw Dane standing there, tall and broad and wrapped in priest-blessed armor.

Trout flew back to Adam's shoulder and perched there. Dane caught the reins of the gelding and looked up.

"Dane," Adam greeted.

"Highness," Dane replied.

With a muffled groan Adam slid off the saddle. His ankle tried to give out on him; Dane's hand snapped out to steady him, and Adam caught onto his shoulder. They traded a very small smile, and Adam felt suddenly lighter, as if he were young again, at a time where such things as crown and loss hadn't mattered.

No one stopped them as they made their way through the palace, coming back much as they'd gone the day before, even if Adam was a little poorer in fairy gifts in his pockets, and infinitely wealthier in grime. Somewhere behind him a ruckus was growing where the impromptu messenger who'd caught sight of him on the path to the stables delivered his news.

Adam didn't care. He opened the door to his rooms.

He paused, and after a moment he had to laugh.

The same breakfast on the table, laid out exactly the same to the last plate and spoon. The same books on the desk, quill trimmings on a small bowl. A fire in the hearth. The wash basin ready, steaming faintly. Even Culli-maid's and Beli's clothing were the same, a miracle he would have never believed after seeing the state of Culli's house slippers the night before. He had the feeling that his bed would be rumpled down the same to the last wrinkle on the sheets.

Beli had been pacing restlessly, and Culli had been sitting by the fire, her basket of mending on her lap. It went flying when she sprang up to her feet. That, at least, they didn't have to change; they'd been just as anxious the day before.

"Hello, Culli," Adam greeted her.

Tears spilled down her round cheeks, and she couldn't speak for a moment. "Good morning, Highness," she managed at last.

He swept her into a hug that dislodged Trout off his shoulder, and she sobbed. "Has it killed you, not to make the bed?"

"Oh, it needs changing anyways, Highness," she protested, laughing through her tears.

Adam held her a moment longer before stalking up to Beli. "Look at me," he demanded.

"I can," Beli told him.

"Look at me!"

"I can!" Beli's smile was the brightest Adam had ever seen in the solemn young man. The pale brown of his eyes was bright through tears he refused to cry until Adam caught his face and stared at him; he caught his Prince's shoulders. "I can. I can see you. I can see you just fine."

"Beli." Adam dragged him into a hug as well.

"Don't think this will save you from doing the books with me," Beli warned him in a choked whisper. "Welcome back, Highness."

Adam stared all around them, at this tiny Court of his, his friends, half his world that he'd come so close to losing. He still felt exhausted, crushed, as if he were carrying a millstone on his back, but even that couldn't crush the simple joy of being home, being among friends, being safe.

"Adam," Dane called in warning, and the young Prince turned. There, on the doorway to his rooms, stood the Queen Dowager. She was wearing an exquisite quilted robe over her sleeping clothes, and a long, elegant shawl over it all. Her silver hair hung in a long braid at her back. Without the pomp of her rank she looked tiny and fragile, like a porcelain figurine. There was a single maid with her, likely the only one who'd been dressed and present at that early hour.

Adam left Beli and nodded to Culli, who moved over to further push the door open. The Dowager and the young Prince met by the hearth, and Adam bowed very low before her. "Majesty, good morning."

There were tears caught in the deep blue of her eyes, Adam suddenly realized, but she drew herself up proudly. "Good morning, my Heir."

Something immense snapped so loudly that Adam flinched, instinctively whirling around to cover the Queen, hand going for his sword. The Dowager cried out and staggered, and both Culli and her maid rushed over to catch her. Dane and Beli were instantly by Adam. "What's wrong, what's happened?!"

Adam tried to step back and nearly fell into the hearth. He felt light as air, light as a feather in a stiff breeze. The world, beautiful though it was, shone to his eyes with nearly blinding new colors, with light and life he'd never seen before. "Didn't you hear that, can't you see that?"

"He can't. They can't." It was the Dowager who replied, leaning on the young maid and drawing herself up carefully straight. "The Compact is fulfilled, and the seal in our bloodline's magic is broken. Now, now we are as we were always meant to be." She gestured lightly, and power gathered and spiraled around her fingertips; the smile she gave Adam was radiant. "Thank you, my Heir."

***

Life turned into a whirlwind after that.

Adam insisted on making one last visit alone. He hadn't known what to expect, but after seeing how hard it had been for everyone he'd left behind, he'd wanted to give his oldest nemesis the grace of discretion. Everidge Leminy had wept like a child at the news.

The priests of the Night-Mother and the Tree-Father had come, and before two vast audiences of worried, hand-wringing nobility, Adam had gone through all the tests. He'd been pulled this way and that, brought to far too many meetings, asked a deluge of questions though no one seemed to be listening to his answers, introduced to endless rows of people. Adam smiled and nodded and did as he was told.

He bid his time.

He still found the chance, on the early morning of the first true day of summer, to sneak out of his room and the palace altogether. He ran into the woods and to the clearing where the green pixies nested. Barefoot, in nothing but pants and a light shirt, he climbed up the linden tree and nestled in the familiar crook of a strong branch, watching the vast green sea of the woods ripple in the morning breeze. "I heard you," he murmured. "When I was lost, and I had nothing else, and I called out, I heard you. What a nanny you've been," he teased wryly. "There's not a time I can name when danger came looking for me in these woods that you weren't there to ward it off."

The tree swayed lightly in the breeze, a green, sweetly scented cloud all around him.

"Thank you," he said simply.

Stay, the tree begged in the song of the breeze.

"I can't," he replied, caught off-guard and strangled breathless by the endless well of the tree's heart, that even then would ask him to forgive. To heal.

He stayed there as long as he could, but in the end he had to go back. He was dressed in rich royal finery, fussed over, fawned over.

On that first true day of summer, Prince Adam of the Realm was named Crown Prince and Heir before the worthies of the realm. A great celebration was thrown. He smiled and greeted people and let them fuss over him and make much conversation about their daughters and nieces and sisters and cousins.

He bid his time still.

The next day, for the first time, he made his way to the Chamber of Council. During those two months between his birthday and his coronation, Adam had spent every moment he could spare with the Queen Dowager, with Master Leminy, with the Genealogist and with teachers who'd seen very little of him before. Nine years of education had taught him the theory of the laws and politics of the realm, but in truth none of the princes had any actual practice with the ruling bit of, well, ruling. None of them were firstborns, none of them were heirs to their own family holdings; Adam, himself, was the youngest of several children.

Though neither the Dowager nor the Master of Scions approved of what Adam wished to do, neither would oppose him. They had made very careful plans for that first meeting. Adam walked in to find most of the seats empty, as expected. He'd taken the throne at the vast horseshoe table and been mostly ignored, as expected. The fact he'd ousted the Earl and Duchess sitting at both his sides to allow both the Queen Dowager and Master Leminy to take their places had made them grumble, but there were so many empty seats that it seemed a non-issue.

The first issue, on fisheries and taxation, came up. It was, the Dowager had told him, an old issue. The coastal lords didn't want to pay taxes; they wanted the fisherfolk to pay them instead, leaving their coffers untouched. Adam remembered the kind, warm welcome of the folk who worked the gull-winged ships of the realm. He refused the tax. The lords threatened to override him.

He snapped his fingers and the very long and seal-laden scroll burst into flames.

The chamber went breath-takingly quiet.

"All this time," he said into the silence. "All this time you've known the price the Crown paid to keep the rest of you safe, and still into the grindstone you sent your children, just for a shot at it. And in the meantime, you schemed for power and acted as if the only reason you'd given your loyalty was fear. Fear of magic. Fear of power. If you want to be ruled by fear, I can absolutely do that. I've learned a little about fear from the Court Beyond the Woods. I'm happy to put those lessons to use with you."

"How dare you speak to us so!" One of the nobles shouted, surging to his feet and gesturing sharply at the Dowager. "Do something!"

"The Duke of Cherst misunderstands, perhaps," the Dowager replied mildly, "who answers to whom here."

"Perhaps the Duke is not aware," Adam examined some of the documents before him idly, "that people can burn just as well as parchment, provided the right amount of power is applied." He leveled a hard, dark stare on the man, who didn't need to know it had taken Adam two weeks to be able to pull off that bit of showy magic without setting on fire everything else in the vicinity. "Sit down."

When the ashen-faced Duke obeyed, he threw the list aside. "Fear is a poor way to rule," he said into the silence. "I want to rule with you, but make no mistake, mine is the crown. Mine is the right. I have bled for it, I have faced madness and darkness and death for it. I will hear your voices, and I will take your words into account, as long as you speak sense to me. But you would do well to remember that the power of our armies is meant to be used against our enemies abroad. In here, within our lands, the power is magic and the magic is mine." He stared at them all. "We're not taxing the common folk. If that's your business here today, it's concluded. The answer's 'no'."

"But, Majesty -" A woman protested.

"Your reasons better be exceptional, Duchess, because I have a full day planned ahead for us and you're already costing us lunch. Let's hear them."

She went quiet.

"Hm." Adam gestured. Leminy's secretaries began passing around scrolls. "These are the new taxes and levies; you'll find there's also -" The chamber had gone to chaos at the sound of that dreaded word, and Adam sprang up on his feet with a shout. "Enough!"

Every goblet, pitcher and inkpot shattered. Cracks appeared on several of the glass panes in the windows.

"Levies, yes. You'll find they're generous. There are also exemptions for the provinces that meet the quotas included."

"Majesty," a younger man pointed out hesitantly. "These are quotas for uncured iron and rowan wood army lengths."

"They are." Adam dipped his head politely. "There are thirteen graves behind the palace temples. There are just as many if not more scattered across the realm. That doesn't include the common folk that had the miserable luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The crown is done with the Court Beyond the Woods. We go to war." Before they could get into too much of a fit over those news, Adam pitched his voice to carry. "And because I know first-hand how fragile a matter royal inheritance can be, I will be wed before we march." He gave them all that hard, heartlessly level look. "Consider the choice of my queen a further potential exemption."

"Majesty," a stately woman with far too much make-up smiled graciously at him. "Surely this is a course of action best discussed with all of your ruling lords, not just us measly few?"

Adam popped his lips thoughtfully, as if the meeting weren't going exactly as the Queen Dowager had predicted. Well, barring the glass shattering. At least he hadn't had to escalate to kicking a chair; they were bloody solid and he wasn't sure he wouldn't have broken his foot in the doing, no matter what she said. "Exceptional wisdom, Baroness. On second thought, meeting adjourned. We meet again in one week's time. Enough time for those who wish to travel to do so."

And with that, he swept out of the chamber and left them to their panic.

***

Prince Canemore made one last trip into the hidden keep beneath the Old Place. He made it wearing traveling clothes, his very best; he had very far to go, on a trip he didn't wish to undertake, to a goal he didn't wish to reach.

He found the gateway leading into his secret garden empty, cold and dark. Rubble covered the space beneath it; though he didn't know it, it had been painstakingly carried, one piece at a time, from beneath the empty plinth where the dancing lady had once stood.

Beyond, the frozen summer garden had gone to autumn, against all his power, matched at last to the seasons above. At the center of it, in the perfect clearing, the golden, gilded cage stood, twisted and broken, bars pried apart by the force of the wild growth of the amethyst vine.

Of Linden there was no trace.

He threw the garden into winter and darkness as he left, and stalked away, never to return.

***

His books had been absolutely right, Adam found out: war is not a quick affair. He found his time full from dawn to midnight, accounting for meetings and supplies, oversight of troops and manufacturing. He never faltered when he spoke, and neither did those around him: their enemy was the Court Beyond The Woods, not the woods themselves. The Courts could be powerful allies just as they could be dire enemies; he would point at the winged, golden creature perched on his shoulder whenever the question came up. Trout had already bit someone's fingers off when they'd waggled them too angrily in Adam's face, and no one cared to find out how well it could wield those silver-tipped lacquered hair-pins.

Before he knew what had happened, autumn and winter had come and gone, and spring loomed again. His birthday, the celebration of the Compact being fulfilled, was planned to be a massive celebration, a masquerade to dwarf all others before. The entirety of the realm, it seemed, wanted to attend.

"They're dusting off every relation they can find, as long as they're young and female," Adam protested vaguely as he suffered through one more fitting. "There's girls pouring out of every cellar and cupboard."

"You can't blame them, Adam." The Dowager was directing the seamstresses and examining the Heir's costume with a stern look. "You're the one who opened that door."

"It seemed the thing to do," he admitted.

"Oh." She shooed the seamstresses away so she could speak to him so very, very quietly. "You could try for friendship, Adam. Even a broken heart can have friends."

He managed a wry smile at that. "It can. But it wouldn't be fair to her. She'd expect love. No, it's better like this. She gets a crown, I get iron. Beli, any new contenders on the guest list?"

The Dowager gestured the seamstresses back to work. From his desk in the Prince's rooms, his Seneschal answered. "Not really. It's hard to compete with the fact that Lord Bagley has both the mines and the foundries. There's just one. Their counteroffer is... clever."

He brought a set of papers for Adam to examine, and the Heir looked very surprised. "You're joking!"

"I thought it might be an issue -"

"No, no." Adam found what the letters were telling him, at the very least, amusing in the extreme. There was light and animation to him that had been missing for months. "At least I'll be able to tell her apart from the others. How goes my personal project?"

"The engineers are working the axles and wheels. Water's heavy, Adam, I didn't realize how heavy until they told me. Carrying that much water, and a person to boot? That's hard. They're thinking of sleds at this point."

"As long as they think of something," Adam winced when a pin stabbed him, and looked up swiftly when the door opened, suddenly hopeful.

Dane, just coming in, shook his head as he'd done every morning for nearly a year, and wilted to once again see hope fade from his Prince. Every morning he went into the woods to wait. Every morning he came back having met no one, not even the pixies. They'd abandoned the clearing of the linden tree, and no one could find them.

No Needlemaw.

No Boul.

Adam turned, expression gone to stone. "Well, now I just have to meet the ladies and we'll see what we'll see."

He was eventually allowed to escape the fittings, only to be snared into a few more last-minute meetings. Then it was Culli who rescued him, only to shove him into a bath, though she did manage to sneak in a meal, the first of his day, for all that it came at the price of his dignity, having to subject himself to the ignominy of being scrubbed like a toddler just so he could use his hands to eat.

Clad in his costume, the circlet on his head, an incredibly itchy domino tied to his face, he took his place at the entrance to the palace's grandest ballroom, to greet the mass of people pouring in and be introduced to all their marriageable relations. He wouldn't, couldn't, leave the party without a betrothed; a number of concessions had been granted to the Council of Nobles in exchange for that promise. No one wanted war, and no one could budge the Crown Prince from it, so they were all working as best they could to minimize any potential fallout from it.

Trout, on his shoulder, solved half the itchy part within five minutes, by biting off the domino's feathers and gleefully flailing around with them. Adam couldn't very well be stern at the pixie when the Queen Dowager herself, standing just behind him, could barely keep from laughing aloud at the fierce creature's antics.

He was introduced to the young lady Bagley, grand-daughter of the Earl of Bagley, who stammered through half her greeting and forgot the other half, overwhelmed. She winced openly when Trout spit out a feather. Adam sighed.

Behind her came the first familiar face in that sea of strangers, and the young Heir couldn't help but smile. "Prince Rickard."

Rickard flushed under his elaborate mask, all the more so when the Crown Prince offered his hand, preempting a bow. He took it, and couldn't help a little smile. "Prince Adam."

Adam grinned, the first honest gesture to cross his face since the gala had started. Rickard was costumed as a bull, in violets and reds, and the silver and gold that his family boasted were stitched on every velvet and satin seam. He'd grown into a young bull, too, though he couldn't match Dane in either height or breadth of shoulder. The hand gripping Adam's was powerful, but the callouses Rickard had earned from his years spent at the palace were fading. Still, it was the sight of the man that gladdened him. "Prince Bully," he murmured.

Rickard's discomfort vanished under a very inelegant snort of laughter. "Prince Twerp," he retaliated. "Where are the others? I know there's a few that... made it."

Adam gave him a disbelieving look. "As far away from the palace as they can be," he replied. When his one-time torturer gave him an uncomprehending look, Adam gestured all around. "Every girl of marriageable age in the realm is here, Rickard, prowling for blood. Until you got here, I was the only available bachelor." He watched understanding, horror, and panic flicker over what he could see of the young man's features and jerked him suddenly close. "No running. We die as men," he whispered, and let him go.

"Oh, gods," Rickard squeaked. In all of the ruthlessness and machinations he'd once wielded and devised, this apparently was a trap he'd not seen coming.

He was none too gently elbowed by his companion, and the Crown Prince's mouth twitched. "Duke Lagrace, won't you introduce me to your companion?"

Rickard cleared his throat and gestured to the elegant white, silver and gold doe next to him. "My sister, the lady Elizabeth Lagrace, Majesty."

Elizabeth Lagrace curtsied with great grace. "Majesty," she murmured. She was, astonishingly, built along the same powerful lines as her brother, softened by the fact she'd not spent her formative years trying to survive in a cutthroat court, or learning to fight with every weapon and tactic created by man. Adam could only see that she had her brother's eyes, but her hair was lighter, a riot of golden curls artfully oiled and pinned over her head with an exquisite silver clip.

Silver, gold and priests. The Lagraces would back the Crown Prince's war without hesitation for a shot at the crown. Adam expected nothing less than the lethal predator that her brother had once been behind the dainty doe's mask. Elizabeth Lagrace was one year older than Adam, but they'd been so sure of their offer that they'd sent none of their younger ladies.

"The lady's costume is radiant as a star." Adam took her hand and kissed the lace of her gloves. "I wager it pales before what it hides."

"The Heir's costume seems to have grown lopsided," she replied evenly. "Shall I make a note to stay only to one side of you if I wish my hair to stay of even lengths, Majesty?"

Adam barked a laugh. "They grow them merciless in Lagrace," he noted in amusement at the siblings. "I should like a dance with the lady, if I can find her in the chaos later?"

"I will be found, Majesty," she assured him, lacing her arm through her brother, who was scowling in an entirely brotherly fashion at the Crown Prince. She all but dragged him off.

"Better than Bagley," the Queen Dowager murmured.

"Perhaps a little too much," Adam agreed.

"Adam, what are you looking for? Bread in milk?"

"A queen that won't resent my absence from her life. That one has her brother's wits. If she also has his drive, she absolutely would."

But then who would be coming up to him but Arditty, and he swept her off her feet and spun her around, her lace butterfly wings fluttering with the wind of his delight. She introduced him to her flustered husband and their son, who was young enough to be shy of the firebird stranger, but old enough to do his bow without aid. Adam made her promise him one dance before the endless cavalcade resumed once again.

The first dance, however, went to the Queen Dowager. It was the one move Adam knew couldn't be ascribed to politics or diplomacy. Likely they thought it was an invitation made out of family love, but love was the one thing they knew would never grow between them; they had both done things too terrible, lost too much, to be willing to offer more than affection and loyalty and friendship. But they could indeed be friends, and hers was the wealth of knowledge and courtly savagery Adam knew he would need in the days to come. He would have asked the same of Master Leminy, but the Master of Scions had begged leave to retire, and he'd looked so worn and fragile when at last he'd known himself free of his terrible duty that Adam hadn't had the heart to refuse him.

They moved sedately to the music, the swan and the firebird, and Adam was surprised to find out he'd put on a few inches on her. When had that happened?

He danced a merry jig with Arditty, bringing her back to her husband breathless and laughing, and taking the time to tell him wicked tales of her besting the higher authorities of the palace when they'd been younger. He left them in each other's arms and went on to dance and dance and dance some more, until he found himself wishing for more conversations on supply trains and iron forging just so he could sit at a table and rest his feet. Trout brought him a handful of grapes and Adam didn't ask where the pixie had got them. A special pocket had been stitched into the costume because Adam would not have worn it without, and Trout dove into it, safely away from the noise and crowds. Adam envied him.

He danced with the lady Bagley, and managed to get a timid smile out of her. Rickard was under siege when he went to request a dance from the lady Lagrace. She took his hand with a little curtsy; the music began, and they danced in silence for a few moments before she spoke. "You really aren't here at all, are you, Majesty?"

"I beg your pardon?" Adam jerked himself sharply back to the present.

"Here, at the party," she specified, then added. "You're as far away as if you'd flown to another land."

"I am here now. The Lady Lagrace has my undivided attention."

She scoffed. "I know better, Majesty. Don't insult my intelligence and I shan't insult yours."

"Noted," Adam replied, his curiosity roused. "Is this how the lady means to draw my interest? Veiled insults?"

"Nothing I said would be new to you, Majesty. I asked Rickard to tell me all he could of your time in the palace. I wrote to any of my friends who had family here during that time. No, I shall simply be honest."

"Honest."

"Yes. And share with you my observations."

"Do." The dance spun them momentarily away from one another, then brought her back into his arms.

"You're never going to love your queen."

Adam's jaw tightened until a muscle twitched along his cheek. "The lady Lagrace is correct. 'Correct' and 'bethroted' are quickly becoming mutually exclusive."

She smiled. "Would it help if I admitted I've been mistaken for a while now, and didn't realize it until I met you?"

"Do I truly wear my heart on my sleeve like that?"

"Gods, no. You're one of the hardest men to read I've ever met."

Adam hesitated as he spun her. "Thank you?"

"You're welcome. No, you see, I thought at first you wanted a queen that would love you, even if you don't love her. But I was wrong. You know how cruel that would be -"

"Dangerous."

Her head cocked minutely.

"Cruel and dangerous. I don't need a wife that'll stray. Thrones have fallen for less."

"Ah. Cruel and dangerous, then. And you are many things, Majesty, but you're not cruel. You're simply not here at all. Whatever wife you choose will have to live with that absence. It would break Miriana's heart, you know. Lady Bagley. She might agree to a loveless marriage, but your absence would destroy her. She'd die thinking she failed in some way she can never understand."

"So I should choose you?"

"Lagrace has the best offer to your future military endeavors," she replied coyly.

"You don't strike me as the sort that would abide my not being there."

"Oh, I'm sure it would drive me mad every now and again. But I would have the crown to keep me warm in that empty bed. See, marking your absence and letting you know I do are two different things, Majesty. I'm quite sure you'd never find out how I felt about it. Until I met you I was also fairly certain I could make you happy, but now I know no one can."

The dance ended; Adam held onto her. "And why would that be?"

"Because it's not that you can't love, which is what everyone believes, what I believed until I met you. But that you already love someone, and can never have them." She shrugged gracefully in his grip. "I come into this fight knowing I'm already beat, Majesty. And I'm alright with that. How many girls here can say the same thing?"

She stepped back and Adam let her go. He danced, again and again, but it all came to him in a blur where he didn't register faces or names or music, his feet moving out of training as Elizabeth's words careened through his mind.

You already love someone, and can never have them.

For a while, caught in the whirlwind storm of preparing for war, Adam had forgotten.

Suddenly there was no hiding, and the pain was there, like a fist around his throat, like a dagger through his heart.

Linden.

"Mortal prince?"

"Adam?"

He was sitting, and there was a cup being pressed into his hands. The storm of sound and color of the party came back to him, painfully overwhelming in ways the world hadn't been since he'd learned to master his perceptions of it with his magic unchained. Trout was a warm press against his cheek, and Dane was crouched before him, splendid in the official armor of the Captain-of-the-Guard he was still years from becoming.

"What happened?" he asked hoarsely, dragging off the mask and rubbing at his face. He was sitting on the stone bench that ran along the railing of an oval balcony, one curtain drawn, the other open, and he felt cold to his soul.

"You stopped. Like a clockity-clockwork toy," Trout told him. "You said not to bite you so I called Dane."

"Ugh." Adam buried a hand in his gold-dusted hair. "Did anyone notice?"

"Only that you're tired. The Dowager is making your excuses."

Adam buried his face in his hands. "I really thought I could do this, Dane."

"You're doing fine, Adam. What happened? Trout said you were just talking, no one's come at you with a weapon. And Culli's got the kitchen locked tighter than Beli's purse-strings. It can't have been poison."

"It was words, Dane. It was just words, and suddenly I just remembered everything I'll never have anymore, and I couldn't breathe. I remembered that I miss my other friends. That I never said goodbye to Boul, that I never even saw Needle. That Linden..." He swallowed thickly and threw his head back, eyes closed and hands gone to fists.

"I'll get you out if you want, Adam. Just give the word."

"I never wanted this," Adam whispered.

"I know."

"Well, gods help me if Lady Lagrace figures it out." Adam downed the cup in one gulp. "Trout, thank you for not biting me." The pixie's wings buzzed and its slender chest puffed up proudly. "I need a favor from each of you."

"Name it," Dane said simply.

"I need you to find an alcove, close the curtains and douse the candles. Trout -"

"I'll go find them!" The pixie arrowed away.

"Adam, what are you doing?"

"Making sure I've done one thing right since I came out of the damn woods," the Crown Prince replied, rolling to his feet and tying on the domino with a gusting, weary sigh. "Go on. I suppose I can get in one more dance while you get it all set up."

He was halfway through a dance with a young girl who was giggling so hard out of nerves that Adam had yet to get her name out of her, when he caught sight of Dane waiting for him. The dance ended and she curtsied and fled, leaving him free to meet his friend. "I wonder if their parents told them I eat young marriageable girls for breakfast or something. I know I'm not that terrifying to look at."

"You aren't. The crown you're wearing is." Dane led the way.

"Ugh." Adam followed. "You'll want to wait outside, Dane."

"Adam -"

"This is stranger than Needlemaw."

Dane's jaws worked a great deal around words he would have never told Adam, but was seriously considering telling his Prince. In the end he stepped back and closed the curtains, leaving the Heir in nearly perfect darkness.

"Sluagh?" Adam asked quietly of the dark.

"Oh." Several sets of eyes suddenly filled the dark with their pale, blight-haunted light. "You did ask after us. We did not know what to think, when the pixie told us."

Adam had to laugh a little. "I did. I wanted to know... that you're alright. That you're finding the scraps and the bones left for you."

"Yes." The pairs of eyes moved through the dark. One drew close and suddenly stood up, towering over Adam. He could just make out, in the light of Sluagh's eyes, the faint upper outline of its muzzle, neither human nor animal but something more and something else. "Hunger is less now, because of you."

"You can never not be hungry, can you?"

"No," Sluagh admitted. "We are hungry to the marrow of our hollow bones, to the knots in our empty muscles. We can eat until we gorge, and gorge we have, thanks to you. But there will always be hunger to us."

"Then I'll ask something else. Are you content?"

Sluagh stared down at the Crown Prince. "This is important to you, this answer. Not because you will use it against us, not because it brings you power. But because we... matter to you."

"Yes. You've been watching people, Sluagh, you're learning how they think."

"It seemed important. You were... new to us. There have not been many new things in our lives. And you were neither enemy nor food. It is important to learn, when someone is not either of those things."

"How old are you?"

"We don't count time as you do. We have been since before the War. There was no palace. We are not certain there were any of your people on this land. There were more of us then."

"What happened to them?"

"We ate them."

"I don't know why I even asked," Adam admitted sheepishly. "And no one's tried anything against you?"

"No. The Court Beyond the Woods is quiet. Waiting. They will see what you do, first. Perhaps they will leave, and things will be as they were before. Peaceful. Small. Better."

"I would accept that," Adam said. "I would count it a victory if they left and never came back."

"Ah, there is the shadow that follows you," Sluagh breathed. "Your crown of blood and sorrow and black ice. Until now it was hard to see."

"Hatred."

Sluagh nodded. "We do not feel hatred. We see it, know it, but do not feel it. We do not think it would be a good thing, to feel it, for all its power. It wounds you in ways no one can help." They paused. "And we would help, if we could."

"To know that is almost as good as the help itself, Sluagh. Thank you. I'm sorry if I called you away from something important. This is the first time I've had time to think on all that I should have done and didn't."

"It is fine, bones do not run," Sluagh replied blithely, their head cocking. "Here comes your pixie. Let us give you a gift on this, the day of so many of your births, when you are finally many. Truly a first among your kind." The fairy threw out their spindly, long arms, and bowed with unearthly grace. "We are Sluagh. We greet the mortal king, crowned in loss and wit and heart. We pledge him our service." Sluagh straightened up and crossed their arms. "Be he fair to us, we will always be fair to him." And then the dark fairy was no longer there.

The sound of Trout's wings came, muffled, past the curtains, pausing after a moment. Adam opened the curtains to find the pixie perched on Dane's gauntleted fist.

"It's tin and paste," Dane explained at the Heir's look of disbelief. He rapped his knuckles on the shiny, shiny gauntlet.

"It's gross." Trout was rubbing its hummingbird tongue against the tiny tabard Culli had made for it.

"Trout, please don't lick Dane's armor. Words I never thought I'd say, but here we are." Adam went out to dance and converse and occasionally sneak away to scarf down whatever food and drink Trout and Dane managed to sneak him. He found himself dancing with the Dowager once again at some point close to midnight.

"Any luck?" she asked him.

"I think it might have to be Lagrace," he replied. "Bagley is apparently the sort to get attached, and hurt later from it."

"And Lagrace?"

"She's the sort to not give a damn."

"A dangerous game, Adam. If you should grow to love -"

"I won't."

"If you should grow to love Bagley," she persisted, her tone clipped, "she would at least love you back. Lagrace never will."

"If I were capable of it, I would have never survived the trials," Adam said simply, and she could give him no answer to that.

"I will speak to her father," she said resignedly at last.

The dance ended and everyone clapped. The bells of the temple, the heavy brass of the Night-Mother's and the smaller copper ones of the Tree-Father's, called out midnight.

Conversations and music and the general hum of the party petered out under that double onslaught, until there was a rare moment of silence when the bells at last stopped ringing. In it, the thump of the Seneschal's staff on the marble floor seemed as loud as if he'd cracked the stone with it. "Queen of the Courts of Spring and Summer, her Majesty, Titania."

The entire immense ballroom might as well have been a painting. Even the servants ferrying food and drink had frozen in place. No one could believe what they'd just heard.

Adam closed his eyes and felt inexplicable laughter bubbling up inside him. The year's worth of training in remaining unreadable and stone-faced was the only reason he could turn around and look towards the entrance of the ballroom without looking like a madman before the elite of the realm, drawing in a deep breath through gritted teeth. "Well." He laced his hands at his back and waited to see the shape of this new trick against him.

He faltered almost immediately. He could remember, in vivid detail, Queen Conemara. He had drawn her a few times in his journal, and though he knew he was no artist, he was also certain he'd been faithful to the blinding, painful light and brittle, icy beauty of the Queen Beyond the Woods. Conemara would have been like a clay cup before the gilded chalice that was the Sidhe woman moving through the parting crowd.

She was nearly as petite as the Queen Dowager, of a height with her and even more delicate-seeming, as if she were made of the finest gossamer. Her skin was the pale, soft color of a quail's eggshell, her features sharp and inhuman but without any of the painful starkness that made it hard to look at any of the members of the Court Beyond the Woods. There was a subtle, gentle softness to her, detracting nothing from her inhumanity but making her a flawless, enthralling beauty. Her eyes were green and violet behind the merest hint of a domino. She was dressed in a gown that put to shame the richest costumes the wealthiest nobility in the realm had been able to conjure, all the more absurd because she was a humble spring meadow, a hundred shades of green dotted freely with violets and daisies and bluebells, with larkspur and clover, with fluttering butterflies and bumbling bees. Her hair was a rich crown of vivid crimson braided in a stern, motherly fashion. Her crown was gold, and on it winked a gem of every color known to mortals, and a few they had yet to find. Her wings were a summer sky, the finest spun clouds, sunlight dappling through the trees.

She moved with gracious surety through the crowd, never hesitating as she approached Adam. Dimly the Heir noticed that Dane had rushed to his side, that the Dowager was hurrying to him. Trout clambered up on his shoulder and shifted restlessly, wings slicked flat against its body.

There were three more fairies with the Queen - no, four, Adam realized. A tiny blue pixie perched on Titania's shoulder as Trout perched on his, wings flicking idly as it peered with great interest at everything and everyone around them. He tried to look at those escorting the Sidhe Queen, but his head shied away from them; they looked human enough, and that was enough for Adam to know that they weren't, but even his magic couldn't penetrate the Queen's glamour.

"The throne of Faerie greets the Crown Prince, the Heir to the Throne of this mortal Realm," Titania's voice was a song in the stunned silence. She curtsied with grace that made the heart glad to behold.

Adam bowed with as much formality as he knew. "I am beyond honored to welcome the Queen to the palace, to this party. She honors us with her presence, and even more with her greeting. I'm not sure we can do justice to her visit, but we will surely try." She smiled at him, and Adam felt his heart trying to swell with pride, as if she were a doting mother and he a child who'd done well at a difficult task. He gritted his teeth until they ached.

Linden.

"Your welcome is gracious and warm, Prince Adam. More, because we know it's offered under dire circumstances."

"My moods do not affect my manners, Majesty. I'd be a poor excuse of a future king if I allowed them to do so."

"Ah, one could hope to find such poise and sense of station among our own," she murmured. The Dowager reached them then and, astonishingly, a sunny little smile broke across the Sidhe Queen's flawless beauty. "Charlotte."

"Titania," the Dowager replied, trying not to sound breathless.

Adam blinked at her, and all at once he felt like a fool. All those years and it had never occurred to him that 'Dowager' was her title, not her name. He felt color creeping over his face.

"It has been brought to our attention," Titania's voice suddenly rang clear and sure like a silver bell over the gathering, "that the Crowned Heir of the Realm feels Faerie has deeply slighted him." She pinned those green and violet eyes on him. "Deeply enough that he feels war is the only solution."

Adam saw the question in her eyes, felt it in her power as it reached for him, but unlike Conemara, she didn't force her way in. She waited, as courteously as a guest at the gate. Before her he set the broken half of his heart, the other half shattered and gone. "Majesty, I do," he said simply.

Her eyes went soft and bright. "Oh, your heart," she whispered. "Is peace not an option?"

"I sued for peace," he admitted. "I sued for peace twice. Before the Court Beyond the Woods, before Queen Conemara and Prince Canemore I sued for peace. I asked for one thing. They could not, or would not, give it. I will, if need be, sue for peace a third time before the Highest Queen of Faerie. But that would be a third, and I fear it might be... discourteous."

The Faerie Queen smiled wryly. "It would. Particularly when the fault for this terrible situation lies completely with the Court Beyond the Woods."

Adam recoiled minutely. The entire gathering gasped; no one had expected to hear one of the Fair Folk, particularly their Highest Queen, admit to being wrong.

"When we sent the twins here, it was our hope that being alone, forsaking the joys and merriment of the Highest Court, would teach them the... poise and sense of station that they lacked at the time. Instead it would seem their character flaws have grown into unforgivable behaviors and abhorrent mannerisms." Titania pursed her lips. "The Court Beyond the Woods is no more. They are Queen and Prince no more. They are simply Conemara and Canemore." She looked at Adam. "Would that make peace an option?"

Ah, so that was the trick, then. Adam's smile was brief, thin and bereft of humor. "Majesty, it would not."

The nobles caught their breath. Next to Adam, Dane shifted nervously.

"Hm." Titania looked unsurprised. She tapped long, shimmering nails against the rosebud of her mouth. She had better offers in mind, Adam was sure of it; she hadn't got to them yet, that was all. "Our daughter offered you her brother's life, and you refused it. We will not repeat that mistake. Does the Crowned Heir remember what else she offered? It would help us greatly."

"Knowledge, wealth, power. Majesty, I hardly know what to do with the power I already have. I want no wealth but what keeps my people and their homes safe. I want nothing that she offered."

"Well, we would offer a palace greater than this one by a hundredfold, hidden in the woods," Titania mused, and the Dowager gasped tinily. "But it is not ours to give."

"It does miss its mistress, though," Adam murmured.

"It doesn't!" The Dowager hissed.

"It does," he persisted. "I didn't tell you?"

"I didn't think to ask," she admitted.

"For twenty thousand years we have watched you mortals." The Sidhe Queen's voice filled the immense hall. "We have laughed with you and cried with you. We have raged against you, taught you, learned from you. We have shared so much with you. What we have never done, not once, is win a war against you." Her green and violet eyes passed from spring to summer and back again, spiraling slightly, and for a moment it was nearly impossible for Adam to stare at them, they were so like those many-colored, shattered eyes. His hatred, his sorrow, his rage all rose up inside him until only the force of will that had brought him to that moment kept him from screaming until he lost his voice.

"Adam." Her voice was suddenly very gentle, like rain against the black ice of his hatred. She had reached out to touch his cheek with the tips of three fingers, warm like summer sunlight.

"Please don't do that." He stepped back minutely, his voice strangled. "It hurts too much."

"Ah, it must be a family thing, to give away your heart the once, and never again," she murmured, pulling away her hand and looking knowingly at the Dowager. "Tonight, on this day of celebration for your birthday, you are seeking a consort, I'm told."

"I am." Adam shrugged minutely. "A throne without an heir makes people nervous, and wars have a habit of killing without much care as to who dies, peasant or king. It's better for the realm to have that matter settled."

"And if such a consort asked you for peace?" Titania asked, and stepped gracefully aside.

Adam felt the world tilt out from under his feet. Dimly he was aware that Dane had caught him, was holding him upright, but he couldn't understand anything beyond that.

Behind the Queen of Spring and Summer, shining like the first true kiss of dawn on a night-dark land, was Linden, his friend, his love, his heart, willowy and slender, a willow's grace, an oak's strength, a linden tree's beauty. They were wearing a gown that shimmered through every color of their shattered eyes; Titania was a spring meadow, but Linden was the summer woods, where flowers hid amidst a sea of green, where the sky shone blue and perfect, where sunsets were fire and dawn was golden treasure. They had put on a slender domino made of bark, dotted with bejeweled insects picked out with fantastic accuracy in emeralds, sapphires, rubies, obsidian.

But they were Linden. His Linden, the white fuzz of their hair very short on their head so early in the season, faint green freckles on their sharp brown cheekbones. Adam's Linden, all that was kind and joyous and fierce in the woods, perfect down to the one bark-covered hand. Linden, surrounded by a flock of green pixies, crowned with a circlet of living vines with a single stone blossom nestled between the green leaves, an amethyst heart just peeking through the gray.

"Linden," Adam heard himself say, and the black vastness of icy hatred inside him cracked, his heart struggling in a darkness that had swallowed it for far too long.

"Adam," Linden said, and there were tears ruining the elegant glitter someone had sprinkled so very carefully on their cheekbones.

Titania lifted her hand, and blew lightly, scattering a stirring of dust like golden motes in the air. The Dowager gasped. Adam wheezed for breath.

Needlemaw, the illusion that had hidden her broken, was suddenly on Adam's other side, holding him up when he would have slipped from Dane's grip and fallen. "Come, now," she urged him, "where's that muchness of ye gone that yuir knees go to jelly for naught but a wee bit of glamour!"

"Needle," Adam gasped.

"Aye."

"Needle!" Adam cried out and dragged her close, close enough to bump their foreheads together, so close that he could smell her charnel-and-soil scent, and he felt as if he could not breathe, as if he were drowning in the blackness with which he'd armored himself. He clawed at nothing, trying to escape it -

A gentle, rough hand the size of his chest caught the front of his costume and lifted him effortlessly back onto his feet. "Adam."

Dane, for whom the Queen's glamour still persisted, swore under his breath at the all-too familiar voice, the abrupt pong of a bullfrog's croak, both coarse and gentle. Adam had to laugh. "Hello, Boul," he managed, and realized he was crying. "I'm sorry. I'm being a baby and can't even greet you properly after missing you like someone cut off a limb."

"You always greet me before," the young troll said. "Now, I greet you." He offered his hand in the human fashion. "Like the first time."

Adam, surrounded by his friend both mortal and fae, fought himself to his feet and then collapsed again. "I can't breathe."

"Breathe with me." Suddenly Linden was there, and it really was Linden, kissing their prince, their Adam, sweet and sure and patient, with a love that had known itself so clearly, so certainly, that it had never doubted its time would come. Under the taste of that kiss, lemon and honey, sunlight and summer, wind and laughter, the ice of Adam's hatred didn't stand a chance. It was gone as if it had never existed, and Adam gasped in a huge breath, as if he'd been drowning for the past three years and had only reached the surface there, in that place and moment.

Linden caught Adam's face between their hands, both sun-browned, one smooth, one rough. Adam clung to those hands and brought himself to his feet. Linden laced the fingers of one hand with his, and the young Heir turned to face the Sidhe Queen. There was one more person with her, but Titania had not broken the glamour on them.

"Majesty."

"Crowned Heir," she nodded graciously.

"You asked me a question." Adam found his voice rough, and swallowed to try and keep it from breaking. "I have been asked for peace before. I would not grant it to a friend." He looked at Dane, but his childhood friend looked so profoundly happy for him that Adam knew the prospect of war was not even a thought in Dane's head. "Nor would not I grant it to family." He glanced at the Dowager, who gave him the tiniest nod, her eyes once again filled with tears she refused to shed.

He looked at Linden, who squeezed his hand, and turned to face those green and violet eyes. "But if the right consort asks for peace, I will grant it."

"I ask," Linden whispered.

"It's yours," Adam answered, and they fell in each other's arms.

***

The gala continued. No one had a single solitary clue as to how to handle what had happened, but they also knew that the Queen of the Spring and Summer Court had come expecting a party, not for all the guests to stampede in a panic at her arrival. And so the party carried on.

"Charlotte."

The Queen Dowager had retreated to a seat behind an elegant floral sculpture, where she was nursing a goblet of mulled wine. She looked up into the unchanging face of an old and dear friend, and smiled. "Larkspur," she greeted, offering her hand.

The Sidhe Queen caught that hand in both of hers and crouched before her mortal friend. "Oh, Charlie, why didn't you say something? Why didn't you call for help?"

"I honestly don't know, Larkspur," the Dowager admitted, finally allowing her tears to fall. "Pride? Grief? By the time I realized what he'd done, it was done. I couldn't figure out how to fix it on my own, and then I was too ashamed to admit to it, and you'd gone back home -"

"I would have come back for you. I would have come back for the sister of my heart, you know that."

"I know. Look, I was young, I was in love, I was heartbroken. Common sense was nowhere near my first priority."

They both laughed, sheepish and quiet. "I want to give you something, Charlie, but I won't if it will hurt you."

"What is it?"

"It's something you were promised," Titania said. "Promised, and never given. Your people taught mine the importance of keeping one's word." Without actually reaching into purse or pocket, there was suddenly a small velvet box, black and gilt in gold, in the Sidhe Queen's hand. She opened it.

The Queen Dowager went very still. After a long, long moment she drew in a deep, shaky breath, and reached out to brush her fingertips delicately against the ruby. It was a brooch, without adornment or addition, a single ruby the size and shape of a man's heart. Under her fingers it beat, harried and steady. "It's -"

"Yes," Titania confirmed. "He promised it to you, and lied. And so now he must keep his promise, whether he wants to or not. It is yours. And yours it will remain, until you feel he has earned it back."

"Is it wrong of me," the Dowager asked in a very small voice, "to be a little pleased at the shape of your justice?"

Titania laughed. "Never."

***

They sat, all of them, in an open balcony. Adam debated waking Beli, or trying to pry Culli from the kitchens, but decided against it in the end. Plenty of time in the morrow for them to gather once again and come together, at last, the two halves of his world. They shared their stories, the harrowing trials Adam had faced, the infinite patience of Linden's own escape and race to the High Court, only to be met halfway on the Winding Road by Titania. As Linden had predicted, the Queen had been more than glad to welcome the blue pixie back into her Court. She knew its worth. And its news had spurred her to action at last, to correct the unforgivable infraction her children had tendered against a Danu-child.

Boul and Needle were, in theory, there to escort the Queen, and so they'd had to leave when Titania chose to mingle, disconcerting greatly the massed nobles. But the third person stayed with Linden. She was an older woman with very dark skin and very green eyes, bundled up in simple peasant's clothing that was more cozy than elegant. She allowed them to kiss, but when the kiss lingered she cleared her throat pointedly.

Adam squinted at her. "Do I know you?"

Linden laughed. "Adam, how can you not? She didn't come here for me!"

Adam gave Linden a puzzled look, and then turned to face the stranger once more. The woman gave him a look of such profound and utter affection that the Heir found himself flushing faintly, and the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. He rushed over to hug her, and in those powerful arms he found himself made safe once again, as always he had. "Silly me," he said, feeling near tears once again at that most poignant show of loyalty. "You are wearing a costume, you're disguised as a human!"

The linden tree smiled proudly at him, and brushed back his hair. They hugged again, and when he was at last willing to let go, she turned and walked away through the crowd.

"It's hard for her to be away from her place," Linden explained. "But she really did want to come see you, make sure it was all set to rights. She wanted to know you weren't hurting anymore." When Adam looked down, they bumped him lightly. "She said you heard her."

"I did. She's the only one I hear. But if that's all I ever get, that's more than good enough." Linden beamed at him, then leaned on his shoulder with a grimace. "What, what's wrong?"

"These shoes are very pinchy."

"Kick them off? The skirt's so big, no one's going to notice."

Linden did so, and Adam shoved the delicate green slippers under a bench. "Ah!" Linden sighed in relief. "So much better."

"You still look like your head is full of plans."

"Well, not plans. I've done all the planning I can stomach already. You're the one who's good at planning, I just asked myself 'what would Adam do'. That's how I fixed everything. It's just..."

"What?"

"I don't care for the dress. It's lovely, but it's all over the place. I can't walk without crashing into someone, or something. And do I have to be a Queen? That's what Canemore called me."

"Oh, that!" Adam laughed in relief and stood up. "That's why you see all the women go around with their hands plastered down. Shoves the skirts right back out of your way."

"But what if I need my hands?"

Adam popped his mouth thoughtfully, and Linden swatted him for it, and the sheer familiarity of the gesture made him feel as if his heart might burst with joy. "You don't have to be anything you don't want to be Linden. Consort's just what you call someone who marries a King, so, yes, if we marry, you're a Consort. But that won't take away from you being Linden. It's just a thing people call you."

Linden's expression brightened up like a sunny day. "Oh, it's like having all those princes running around. Prince is just something you call them. Consort... I could be that, I suppose, as long as I can still be Linden."

"You will always be Linden." Adam leaned close, and they rested against each other.

"There's lines on your forehead that weren't there before," Linden brushed the fingers of their smooth hand over those lines. "Can't I fix that?"

"I don't know. The whole point of this mess," Adam waved a hand at the vastness of the hall and the ongoing masquerade, "was to make sure there'd be an heir. A baby, at some point. I guess." He sounded about as sure of the goal as he did the process, and even less thrilled about it.

Linden brightened up. "Oh, I can do that!"

"You can?"

"Yes, of course, it's easy." Linden seemed to think. "Though we're going to need a few cabbages."

8/29/2022 7:55 PM X 1/3/2023 3:48 AM

#the fairy and the prince #linden and adam #linden the fairy #adam the prince #original writing #Fantasy Writing #boul #boul the troll #boulders-for-brains #needlemaw #needlemaw the redcap #trout the pixie

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resbangmod · 3 years

Text

Resbang 2015 Throwbacks, Week 5, Part 7

Time to get hype for this year’s Resbang, and what better way to do so than to check out the ghosts of Resbangs Past!

Come say hi to this year’s participants and mods on Discord!

This year’s schedule can be found here: beep

[Τ] That Girl is a Goddamn Problem [Kilik/Liz, minor Tsubaki/Black Star, minor Maka/Soul]

Elizabeth “Liz” Thompson is wanted for violating terms of parole, possession of illegal firearms, and drug charges. A Caucasian female around nineteen years of age, she was initially incarcerated for attempted armed robbery and participation in a street gang. Last seen in Death City at former place of employment, Deathbucks. Known associates include her former manager Kilik Rung, colleagues Blake Barett and Solon Evans, and sister Patricia “Patty” Thompson. Assumed armed and dangerous. $10,000 reward for information leading to arrest and conviction.

Warnings: gun/weapons mention, drug mention, death mention, sexual themes, language

by author: Rainshatteredsky, dead link

with artist: Yonderlie @yonder-land

Read it here: [[ff.net][ao3][tumblr]]

View it here: [tumblr]

[M] Chase of Tales [Soul/Maka, Tsubaki/Black Star, Stein/Marie]

As a young child, Maka dreamt of adventures and piracy. Guided by her dreams she joined Shibusen, ruled under the sinister thumb of Captain Soul Eater. Caught in a deadly race with the ship Arachnophobia, all chasing the legendary Oni’s Treasure, where only one can claim the first true pirate’s riches.

Warnings: Sexual content, gore, near death experience and Giriko shenanigans

by author: OblivionTime @oblivion-time

with artist: GunningTwice @gunningtwice

Read it here: [ff.net][ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

[T] Cloudburst [Soul/Maka, minor Liz/Kid, Liz/Tsubaki, Tsubaki/Black Star]

Cursed by a witch in an effort to save his soul, Soul Evans resigns himself to the fate of being a feral, unadoptable, animal in the sleepy town of Death City—that is, until the green-eyed volunteer with a loving smile and compassionate laugh catches his attention. She may just prove to be the catharsis needed to help him learn his lesson in redemption before it’s too late.

Warnings: language

by author: Poisoned Scarlet @scurwrites

with artist: Sugarintolerant @sugarintolerant

and artist: Sojustifiable@sojustifiable

Read it here: [ff.net]

View it here: [Sugarintolerant: [tumblr], dead link] [Sojustifiable: [tumblr]]

[M] Heistception [Soul/Maka, Marie/Stein, Medusa/Stein, several incidental side pairings]

Ocean’s Eleven/Fast & Furious AU. Marie Mjolnir left prison with a plan. Medusa had burned down her strip club, seduced her husband, and taken her foster children from her. Luckily the kids are all grown up, and are more than willing to help her pull off a very ambitious casino heist using the casino’s annual off road race as cover. Unfortunately, Medusa’s into a lot more than gambling, and the price of failure might be very high indeed (though not, Soul thinks, as unbearably torturous as Black Star’s kazoo playing or Maka’s backseat driving).

Warnings: violence, language, some implied sexual antics, stripper-related nudity, alcohol use, drugs, organized crime

by author: Bones @adulterclavis

with artist: Adorabbey @adorabbey

and artist: Darkpurply @darkpurply

Read it here: [ff.net][ao3]

View it here: [Darkpurply: [tumblr]] [Adorabbey: [tumblr]]

[M] Dreams of Long Summer Nights [Soul/Eater, implied Stein/Marie, Kim/Jackie, Star/Star]

“She remembers why they went here all those times. The beautiful smell, chirping birds, humidity in the air… Well no wonder her mama deemed it as her most favourite place in the world. She quickly discards her flip-flops, burrowing her toes in the moist choppy grass, props her arms on her hips and breaths in a lungful of the wonderful clean air. So this is Lake Tahoe.” Camp!Au with smoker/mechanic!Soul and know-it-all/bearcat!Maka. When it's not just about a burning summer passion but rather about finding someone you can trust and love and maybe hit a good few times on the head. Rebang 2015

Warnings: frequent strong language, nudity, mentions of sexs, drug usage

by author: PeppermintPoppy, dead link

with artist: Mssketch, dead link

Read it here: [ff.net]

View it here: [tumblr], dead link

[T] Didn’t You Flash Your Green Eyes at Me [Gen, Soul/Maka, Black*Star/Tsubaki, background Stein/Marie]

Soul Eater is a Jedi with a chip on his shoulder, a bounty on his head, and a mission to complete. He’s been tasked by Jedi Master Stein to retrieve the pieces of an ancient Sith artefact before it can fall into the hands of Imperial Admiral Medusa Gorgon or her mercenary crew. He wasn’t counting on Maka Albarn – top cadet in her class at the Imperial Naval Academy – and unknowingly, a Force-sensitive in a galaxy where to be a Jedi is to court death. Together they must find the artefact before it falls into the wrong hands and its terrible power is once again unleashed.

Warnings: canon-compliant violence, minor character death via human sacrifice, mentions of genocide

by author: Victoriapyrrhi @victoriapyrrhi

with artist: Alliumcepa93 @allium-cepa-39

and artist: Phfsiiing @haleyhams

Read it here: [ff.net][ao3]

View it here: [Alliumcepa93: [tumblr]] [Phfsiing: [tumblr]]

#soul eater #resbang #resbang 2020 #resbang throwbacks #long post

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thehierophage · 3 years

Text

April 1, 2021 æ.v.

Dies Jovii,

☉︎ 12° ♈︎ : ☽︎ 10° ♐︎ : ♃︎ : Ⅴⅴⅰⅰ

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The Day of Yod, the Day of the Hermit

Hebrew Letter: Yod

Numerical Value as Letter: 10

Numerical Value as Word: 20/14 (Yod+Vav+Daleth or Yod+Daleth)

Meaning: Hand (open, palm, side & fingers)

Thoth Card: The Hermit (Atu IX)

Alternate Title: The Prophet of the Eternal, The Magus of the Voice of Power. Image:

Correspondences:

Tree of Life Path Association: Key 20 - Tiphareth to Chesed (from Sephira 6-4)

Astrological Sign: Virgo

Element: Earth

Egyptian Godforms: Isis [as Virgin], Heru-pa-Kraath

Geomantic Figure: Conjunctio

Gemstones: Peridot

Perfumes: Narcissus

Plants: Snowdrop, Lily, Narcissus, Mistletoe

Animals: Rhinoceros

Colors:

King Scale – Green, yellowish

Queen Scale – Slate grey

Prince Scale – Green grey

Princess Scale – Plum colour

The Secret Instruction of the Master:

Wander alone; bearing the Light and thy Staff! And be the Light so bright that no man seeth thee! Be not moved by aught without or within: keep Silence in all ways!

Mnemonic:

Most secret seed of all Life's serpent plan, Virgin, the Hermit goes, dumb Guardian.

Recommended Text for Meditation:

Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli, Cap. 5

Liber Liberi vel Lapdis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum Sub Figura VII

Being the Voluntary Emancipation of a certain Exempt Adept from his Adeptship. These are the Birth-Words of a Master of the Temple. A.˙.A.˙. Publication in Class A. Imprimatur: N. Fra A.˙. A.˙.

1. O my beautiful God! I swim in Thy heart like a trout in the mountain torrent.

2. I leap from pool to pool in my joy; I am goodly with brown and gold and silver.

3. Why, I am lovelier than the russet autumn woods at the first snowfall.

4. And the crystal cave of my thought is lovelier than I.

5. Only one fish-hook can draw me out; it is a woman kneeling by the bank of the stream. It is she that pours the bright dew over herself, and into the sand so that the river gushes forth.

6. There is a bird on yonder myrtle; only the song of that bird can draw me out of the pool of Thy heart, O my God!

7. Who is this Neapolitan boy that laughs in his happiness? His lover is the mighty crater of the Mountain of Fire. I saw his charred limbs borne down the slopes in a stealthy tongue of liquid stone.

8. And Oh! the chirp of the cicada!

9. I remember the days when I was cacique in Mexico.

10. O my God, wast Thou then as now my beautiful lover?

11. Was my boyhood then as now Thy toy, Thy joy?

12. Verily, I remember those iron days.

13. I remember how we drenched the bitter lakes with our torrent of gold; how we sank the treasurable image in the crater of Citlaltepetl.

14. How the good flame lifted us even unto the lowlands, setting us down in the impenetrable forest.

16. There was a weird winged God that told us of his wisdom.

17. We attained to be starry grains of gold dust in the sands of a slow river.

18. Yea, and that river was the river of space and time also.

19. We parted thence; ever to the smaller, ever to the greater, until now, O sweet God, we are ourselves, the same.

20. O God of mine, Thou art like a little white goat with lightning in his horns!

21. I love Thee, I love Thee.

22. Every breath, every word, every thought, every deed is an act of love with Thee.

23. The beat of my heart is the pendulum of love.

24. The songs of me are the soft sighs:

25. The thoughts of me are very rapture:

26. And my deeds are the myriads of Thy children, the stars and the atoms.

27. Let there be nothing!

28. Let all things drop into this ocean of love!

29. Be this devotion a potent spell to exorcise the demons of the Five!

30. Ah God, all is gone! Thou dost consummate Thy rapture. Falutli! Falutli!

31. There is a solemnity of the silence. There is no more voice at all.

32. So shall it be unto the end. We who were dust shall never fall away into the dust.

33. So shall it be.

34. Then, O my God, the breath of the Garden of Spices. All these have a savour averse.

35. The cone is cut with an infinite ray; the curve of hyperbolic life springs into being.

36. Farther and farther we float; yet we are still. It is the chain of systems that is falling away from us.

37. First falls the silly world; the world of the old grey land.

38. Falls it unthinkably far, with its sorrowful bearded face presiding over it; it fades to silence and woe.

39. We to silence and bliss, and the face is the laughing face of Eros.

40. Smiling we greet him with the secret signs.

41. He leads us into the Inverted Palace.

42. There is the Heart of Blood, a pyramid reaching its apex down beyond the Wrong of the Beginning.

43. Bury me unto Thy Glory, O beloved, O princely lover of this harlot maiden, within the Secretest Chamber of the Palace!

44. It is done quickly; yea, the seal is set upon the vault.

45. There is one that shall avail to open it.

46. Nor by memory, nor by imagination, nor by prayer, nor by fasting, nor by scourging, nor by drugs, nor by ritual, nor by meditation; only by passive love shall he avail.

47. He shall await the sword of the Beloved and bare his throat for the stroke.

48. Then shall his blood leap out and write me runes in the sky; yea, write me runes in the sky.

Love is the law, love under will.

#Thelema #thelemic holy season #Tarot

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shatteringsivan · 4 years

Text

Harry Styles, dream with me, transcript

(0:00) Hello, I'm Harry Styles. And tonight, I'm going to help you drift off to sleep, with some soothing words and calming music. A sleep story, just for you. (0:24)

(0:28) With all the business of your day, I know how hard it can be to get to sleep. So thank you for choosing this story, and me, to help you. I wish you a wonderful night's sleep. So, make yourself comfortable. Take a deep breath in, and then out. In, and then out. And when you're ready, close your eyes. (1:20)

(1:28) Have you ever wondered, what happens when you sleep? Where you go, and what you feel? The places that you seek. When you start to drift away, your mind becomes a book. That writes itself then fades away, before you awake to look. (2:02)

(2:11) Tonight we’re going to think about, anything you’d like. So first, let’s visualize some scenes to see us through the night. Settle back and clear your mind. We’re heading somewhere special. Beyond the world of consciousness, to somewhere more celestial. (2:44)

(2:55) I'd like you to imagine now, you're there beneath the stars. Which, when you pause to think about it, actually you are. As you focus on the darkness right before your eyes, fill the scene with glinting lights, to emulate night skies. (3:29)

(4:13) Think about the things you cherish most, and those you love. And then, allow yourself to be embraced from up above. The power of the universe, meanders through your mind. So, come with me and let’s see, what the two of us can find. (4:48)

(4:58) Lets travel now, to moonlit valleys, blanketed with heather. The kind of landscape you and I, could dream about forever. Imagine lazing on the ground, succumbing to the charms, of blades of grass. We now caress with fingertips, and palms.(5:32)

(5:41) A gentle scent of cedar wood, is floating on the breeze. A gift from mother nature, and her nearby cedar trees. We’re gazing at the night sky now, marveling at infinity. So allow your mind to wander, to a peaceful new vicinity. (6:15)

(7:00) Picture this, a rich green forest. Damp with morning dew. Inhale the morning air, as we explore, just me, and you. Leaves create mosques, in every shade of green. As gentle birdsong mingles, with the babbling of a stream. (7:33)

(7:44) Dappled sepia sunlight, cuts through branches overhead. As dew drops fall from leaf to leaf. Like glistening strands of thread. The dew drops finally coalesce, forming satin beads. Occasionally, they kiss our chicks.small pleasures, quenching needs. (8:17)

(8:26) Holding hands, we stroll. Until we chance upon a brook. Its cool, clear, water, mirroring our faces as we look. The shimmering reflection, show us smiling from above. The word we think, but dare not speak, is L-O-V-E, love. (9:01)

(9:45) Now, we snuggle on a raft. And drift for endless hours. As willow trees sway in the breeze, and blossoms fall in showers. Gently swaying to and fro, we look up at the sky. And watch the clouds above us, forming shapes, as they pass by. (10:19)

(10:28) The wisps of cloud, swirl slowly, tinged with tangerine and pink. And as they fade, the sunset, gives us cause to muse and think. Of places we should visit. and oceans we could cross. For some who wander through this world, there’s grace in being lost. (11:02)

(11:11) Passing by a waterfall, our thoughts sway two and fro. And time begins to fade and blur. beneath the moons pale glow, a symphony of tumbling water lulls and mesmerizes, nature’s soundtrack to our dreams, assumes so many guises. (11:46)

(12:31) Strolling on a sidewalk now, as rain begins to fall. Its gentle, pitter patter, holds us deep within its thrall. The raindrops’ rhythm briefly slows, then, intensifies. Peaceful and benevolent, a gift from moonlit skies. (13:04)

(12:14) The fragrance that the rain creates, upon the concrete surface, inspires yet relaxes us. And focuses our purpose, to shift our minds to neutral. And allow our thoughts to drift. And recognize the rainfall, as a mesmerizing gift. (13:48)

(13:59) Sheltering beneath a porch, we watch the rain pour down. Though now the time has come, to leave this dreamy moonlit town. A gentle breeze wafts through the trees, it causes leaves to stir. And then, the rain relents and fades. As time begins to blur. (13:31)

(15:17) We find ourselves upon a shore line, lounging by a lake. While crickets chirp in nearby reeds, it’s hard to stay awake. The scene feels like a watercolor. Soft, diluted tones, as looking down, we see each other. Laughing, skimming stones. (15:51)

(16:00 ) The stones skip on the gleaming lake, and ripples start to form. And though the sun has dipped from view, we feel content and warm. Herons drift on thermals(?) high upon a sun bleached pier. And in the trees beyond the lake, we glimpse a passing deer. (16:34)

(16:44) Strands of cloud unfurl like ribbons in the orange sky. Mirrored on the lake now, like a painted butterfly. In the distance, mountains beckon. Kept with pristine snow. The kind of sight that dreams evoke, when hearts and minds let go. (17:18)

(18:02) Contemplating nothingness, a scene take shape before us. And as it sharpens in our thoughts, we hear a distant chorus. The dampened sound of silence, that only snow can bring, surrounds us with its calming vibes, and touches us within. (18:35)

(18:48) Glistening snowflakes fall in flurries. mountain rivers freeze. The powdery slopes look beautiful. And fresh snow dusts the trees. Somehow now, we’re in a cabin, taking in this view. As a fire crackles in the corner, just for me and you. (19:24)

(19:32) We linger for a moment. Or maybe it’s been hours. For when we blink and look again, our vistas waft(?) in flowers. Another destination lures us. Closer now it seems. Perhaps its real, or just another chapter in our dreams. (20:04)

(20:50) Drifting in and out of sleep, our thoughts take us elsewhere. To an island fringed by swaying palms, lush beyond compare. A path winds through the mangroves, towards a distance beach. That underlines the turquoise ocean. now, within our reach. (21:23)

(21:32) Eventually, we feel the powdery sand, right beneath our feet. The sun above now blessing us, with gentle, soothing heat. We hear the lilting sound of surf, breaking up ahead. While spiral shells and pearly shards, determine where we tread. (22:07)

(22:16) Finally, a lapping wave, engulfs our sandy feet. It seems to pause and ruminate, then gradually retreat. We dig our toes, in cool, wet sand. Then sit and face the sea. And let the sand wash over us. Alone just you, and me. (22:51)

(23:50) Staring at the nothingness, that stretches on forever. Our thoughts dovetail and unify. In tune, two minds together. As minutes turn to hours, we drift off somewhere new. And visualize a stairway. To a door, we now walk through (24:08)

(24:18) Imagine now, a meadow, on a balmy afternoon. Birds, and bees, and rustling trees. Create a summer tune. Flanked by fields of sunflowers, hand in hand we walk. As the gentle sound of nature, surrounds us while we talk. (24:52)

(25:02) Sunflowers give the scenery a warm, and golden hue. While hazy sunshine softens, our idyllic, rustic view. As we roam past hedgerows, a farmhouse sits alone. Its open shutters pressed against, uneven walls of stone. (25:36)

(26:21) A garden winds around the house, and daisies poke through grass. A bench thats lived through countless summers, creaks as we walk past. We wonder if the house is empty. Once loved, but no longer. The thought of passing times inspires, a feeling that grows stronger. (26:54)

(27:04) This feeling washes over us, lost between a sigh. And as the sun begins to set, we stop and wonder why. Gravity caresses us, it pulls you close to me. Then the scene begins to fade, our new reality. (27:37)

(27:48) Deeper, gradually deeper. We drift and now, transcend. To unfamiliar places, too surreal to comprehend. Slowly, we capitulate as sleep begins to call. Entwined in dreams, and shifting scenes, we drift and gently fall. (28:22)

(29:06) Friendly faces, glorious places. Things we hope to do, intertwine with snapshots. Some of me, and some of you. Moonlit valleys, verdant forests, gazing at the ocean. Summer meadows, tranquil sunsets, Steeped in pure emotion. (29:39)

(29:48) The tenderness we feel when we are close, two minds as one. Surrounds us, and connects us. But we’ve only just begun. For now, we dream together. Of all that is to follow. And know that sleep will keep us safe. From now, until tomorrow. (30:23)

(30:34) Maybe all the memories that we’ve gathered here tonight, are all dreams now remembered, or wishes in plain sight. No matter what, they're with us now. For this night and forever. And every time we close our eyes, they’re yours and mine to treasure. Goodnight, and sleep well. (31:15)

#harrystyles #onedirection #dreamwithme #styles #harry #calm #1D #directioner #dream with harry #harry styles #dreamwithharry #dream with me #one direction

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screaming--agony · 4 years

Text

A friend of mine wanted me to answer all 50.

1. how many pillows do you sleep with? Two. One for me, one for my dog.

2. do you believe in soulmates? I’ve seen plenty of people who aren’t good for each other, there has to be a polar opposite.

3. would you ever kiss a stranger? Depends on the situation.

4. describe your dream house? Multi-level Country house, wrap around deck, balcony on the top floor. Fireplace. Basement for a mini movie/game room.

5. do you usually use cash or card? Cash.

6. do you enjoy driving in general? Yeah with music on.

7. do you like your name? if not, what would you change your name to? My name is what it is. My last name, I would change but I don’t know to what.

8. what’s your favorite cuisine? Chicken Alfredo.

9. how often do you get massages? Never.

10. do you play video games? if so, what games? Apex, Old school runescape, gta5, call of duty black ops 3, fortnite, rockband

11. do you prefer to color with colored pencils, crayons, or markers? Colored pencils, makes it more realistic

12. what other fandoms are you in? None.

13. do you have a signature in your style/everyday outfits? I dress comfortable, it depends on my mood whether to dress girly-ish or tshirts.

14. do you have any pets? if not, do you want some in the future? I have a doggo.

15. do you give objects you own a name? (car, house, plants, etc). I used to name my cars but thats it. Otherwise its just cussing.

16. do you like the weather where you live? I’m not a fan of heat but I think everywhere has its own weather obstacle. It could be worse.

17. if you could wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be? Blue

18. do you like making small talk? Not preferrably but it starts a deeper conversation.

19. what’s your favorite social media platform? Tumblr. But snap is the second.

20. have you ever been to hawaii? No but I would love to.

21. name a fashion trend that you absolutely hate. Clothes that are way too sexist.

22. name a fashion trend that you absolutely love. I’m not up-to-date with fashion trends. But beanies are a guilty pleasure.

23. what was the last text you sent? “lord have mercy. texting and driving. seat belts on.”

24. when making plans, do you like to organize or go with the flow when the time comes? It depends on who I have plans with. Each person is different and I adapt. Some, I have to have a plan. Others, go with the flow based on vibes.

25. what do you want to name your future kids? I try to avoid making future plans.

26. do you have a type? I vibe with personality.

27. when was the last time you kissed someone? Awhile.

28. how often do you cook? A couple times a week.

29. do you think __x__ is overrated or underrated? I’m not sure.

30. do you always remember your dreams? Nightmares, yes.

31. do you believe in ghosts? Without a doubt.

32. would you ever want to move outside of your country? Yes please.

33. describe your first love? I met Vince in 7th grade, a couple years older. We dated a month and broke it off but still kept our friendship. I went through a rape and Vince was there for me the entire time. He became protective, always wanted to hang out, and we just spent a lot of time together having adventures. I fell for him and we were best friends until after I graduated. Life happened and he got married. That was that.

34. more peanut butter or more jelly? Equal.

35. do your irls know about your tumblr account? No.

36. do you prefer hot or cold beverages? Depends on the beverage.

37. when was the last time you finished a book? I haven’t read a book in a couple years.

38. what would you want your wedding colors to be? I don’t plan for my future.

39. how long do you let your nails grow? Until they dig into my palms.

40. if you could stay at a certain age, what age would you pick? None.

41. who do you think has it easiest: older siblings or younger siblings? The oldest (first born) and youngest (baby).

42. how often do you post on social media? On tumblr, a lot.

43. do you enjoy big groups? Fuck no.

44. do you like it when you’re awaken by the sounds of birds chirping? If I wake up peaceful and natural, yes. If I’m disrupted, no.

45. which hand is your favorite? Right.

46. how many people do you follow? Around 3k I think. I slack on following back but when I see the “follow back” option I don’t hesitate to click it. It’s just a lot of energy to go through everything.

47. how many followers do you have? Almost 7k.

48. how many drafts do you have? 13.

49. do you hang or fold your sweaters? Fold unless I have something important going on, then I’ll hang it.

50. even numbers or odd? Even.

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woos-sweaterpaws · 4 years

Note

i want to get to know you so do 1-50 (except 29) 🌻

This is really really sweet of you anon thank u!!

__________________________________________

1. how many pillows do you sleep with?

I have 6 in my bed rn

and over 20 plushies

its never enough

2. do you believe in soulmates?

yes i do

3. would you ever kiss a stranger?

yes but not if its like total-never-spoke-to-them stranger

4. describe your dream house

i would prefer not a house but a nice penthouse-loft-apartment in a big city with a nice view and big windows

interior would be minimalistic style with light wood and a big double sized bed for me (since i dont think i will have a partner lol)

i would love an apartment with multiple floors or like a half-floor for the bedroom

5. do you usually use cash or card?

card

6. do you enjoy driving in general?

i hate it with a burning passion

7. do you like your name? if not, what would you change your name to?

i dont HATE my name

there are better/prettier ones but i think mine fits me

i would still like a more international name (since mine is kinda weird in the english speaking world) but i dont have smth specific in mind

8. what’s your favorite cuisine?

italian ~

9. how often do you get massages?

i dont o.o i got some a few years ago because my back is fucked but otherwise never

10. do you play video games? if so, what games?

generally chill games like animal crossing, stardew valley and such, the big nintendo titles like mario kart and zelda, binding of isaac

11. do you prefer to color with colored pencils, crayons, or markers?

colored pencils!

12. what other fandoms are you in?

oh boy

okay so apart from all of kpop and thai dramas im in

skam

aftg

trc

the mentioned video games if you wanna count that as fandoms

im probably forgetting a ton rn

13. do you have a signature in your style/everyday outfits?

if its comfy i like it

usually involves hoodies or boys shirts

i prefer if i dont have to worry about showing skin somewhere i dont want to

14. do you have any pets? if not, do you want some in the future?

no i dont have any atm but i had bunnies, birds and a guniea pig before. and yes i want cats when i move out

15. do you give objects you own a name? (car, house, plants, etc)

i named my cactus but it died (plants hate me) i also name all my plushies and random animals on the street

16. do you like the weather where you live?

its okay yea. summers are not too hot but i wish the winters were cold enough for snow :(

17. if you could wear one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?

black! its generally my comfort color in clothes

18. do you like making small talk?

WHO tf likes smalltalk? no!

19. what’s your favorite social media platform?

tumblr 100%

20. have you ever been to hawaii?

no :(

21. name a fashion trend that you absolutely hate

no offence but crop tops

i dont hate them they look good on you guys

but i hate that i cant find hoodies and shirts in womans sections anymore that arent cropped (ive been searching the past 6 months and everytime i like smth its cropped - i especially hated that when looking for oversized hoodies)

i dont wear them myself because cold so it sucks not finding cute clothes

i also fundamentally disagree with mustard-yellow

22. name a fashion trend that you absolutely love

oversized hoodies with ripped jeans and boots was my winter favourite

23. what was the last text you sent?

“okay” in out family groupchat lol

24. when making plans, do you like to organize or go with the flow when the time comes?

i like it to be organized but not be the one who actually organizes it if that makes sense?

25. what do you want to name your future kids?

i dont want kids but i wanna name my cats mochi and (c)leo (depending on gender)

26. do you have a type?

with looks i generally prefer darker hair with pretty eyes but if im comfortable with u it doesnt matter

if u like cuddling, are patient and gentle and love to make jokes that arent funny i probably like u lots

27. when was the last time you kissed someone?

like...kissed kissed? in grade 7 so...2012? my first and last kiss lol

28. how often do you cook?

as often as necessary, as little as possible (i cant really cook except for pasta and stuff so im mostly living of instant meals and “cut up a lot of things and put it in a pan until its browned” kinda stuff)

30. do you always remember your dreams?

no i dont

i had a dream diary once but that was a disaster

31. do you believe in ghosts?

yea kinda

i believe in invisible spirits/souls living with us yea

32. would you ever want to move outside of your country?

sometimes? im too scared to actually do it but there are many nice cities i would love to live in

33. describe your first love

well idk about love...it was always more of an obsession kinda thing and it was never a two-way-thing so i never had a real first love...

34. more peanut butter or more jelly?

i hate peanuts so no pb and only jelly (or nutella if you love me)

35. do your irls know about your tumblr account?

they know i have a tumblr but only my best friend actually follows me (and a high school friend i lost contact to)

my other friends dont have tumblr so they dont care

36. do you prefer hot or cold beverages?

cold!

37. when was the last time you finished a book?

i reread the aftg series last december for the 4th time

38. what would you want your wedding colors to be?

green-white? like a soft bright pastel green? maybe add pastel pink too

39. how long do you let your nails grow?

if i can see them clearly from the inside of my hand i cut them

40. if you could stay at a certain age, what age would you pick?

probably 19 or 7 theres no in between

41. who do you think has it easiest: older siblings or younger siblings?

older siblings because they learn responsibility earlier

i dont have siblings tho so idk

42. how often do you post on social media?

on tumblr daily, on insta never, on twitter occasionally if fun stuff happens

43. do you enjoy big groups?

nope

44. do you like it when you’re awaken by the sounds of birds chirping?

its better than my alarm but waaay too early so nope

45. which hand is your favorite?

left?

46. how many people do you follow?

1152 (yes i might have a problem)

47. how many followers do you have?

359 on my main and 27 on my fandom side account

48. how many drafts do you have?

53 but i use it to save posts i find interesting or that contain links i might need later

49. do you hang or fold your sweaters?

hang because im lazy and it saves space on the clothes dryer rack

50. even numbers or odd?

odd!

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inspiringwhilerespiring · 4 years

Text

Me avoiding work :))))

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

I am a sucker for both; I usually miss sunrises though :(

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

Waffle

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

I live in TX so its pretty dang hot most of the year, but I do love them A LOT

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

Oh man, I am really working on this. On average I’d say 30 min-hour lol thats awful to admit out loud. But I want to be able to just get up and jet!

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

BRUH I am sure there is sooo much out there - especially like Asian or Carribean or Indian cuisines.

6: What does your umbrella look like?

Don’t have one

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

Yeah lmao I have a whole ass playlist on Youtube

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

I appreciate the fuck out of both <3

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

Just about everything lol but off the top of my head - the smell of freshly made coffee.

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

Lately, its been that sandy, dusty pink or nude - goes really well with all the plants I have lol

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

Depends of course

12: Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

Mines pretty neutral but it don’t really matter to me

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

Lol toooo many - I believe there is no such thing as enough candles. The one in front of me is Floral Serenity

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

Yeeee haw I’m from TX bitch

15: Do you have glasses?

sunglasses ya, and those blue-light ones from amazon lol

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

I’m pretty knowledgable in Spanish, but I’d like to be 100% fluent - also ASL

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

FUCK! Hard one - but I guess Fall and October/November; I just love the cold and October has some nice ass weather in TX/

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

Not really lol I wear this crew cut white pair a lot lately tho

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie?

Hmmmm I’m not sure - maybe Lion King

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

Don’t care

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

Growing up it was always those Junior Mints lol

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

Hmm good question - I really like Richard Linklater (he’s from H town) and he does a lot of films in TX and his projects are really interesting, so maybe his movies lol as for video games and shows idk

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

bitch you guessed it!

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

ganjaaaaa lol but in all honesty, this is a haarrrddd question. Any plant that I can eat or has medicinal values - which is a fuckton of them lol

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

nah, I appreciate all forms of art.

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

blush and thank them

27: Do you like nicknames?

yeah I suppose - lol I feel like as humans we all appreciate or enjoy any form of thoughtfulness or something that makes us feel exclusive/individual

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

Yeah lowkey I put on shit like Planet Earth, Fresh Prince, Spongebob, That 70s show, etc in the background sometimes if I can’t sleep or am feeling anxious at night to fall asleep to

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

yeah

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

LOL I think the best one I did was Baby spice from the Spice Girls - I thrifted the entire outfit and got a shit ton of compliments

31: Are you a fashionable person?

eh lol in my head mostly

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

yeah honestly

33: Cookies or brownies?

cooookies

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

we’ve all done that I’m sure

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

no for the most part

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

yeah fasho

37: How often do you doodle?

not enough anymore

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

when I chew gum?

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

books

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i bite the fck out of them :/

41: Any birthmarks?

42: Thoughts on freckles?

I don’t have any thoughts, they are what they are - but I do like how the artsy/imaginative side of me likes to believe that they are little stars on our bodies and we’re all made up of the same matter in the universe type shit lol

43: First video game you ever played?

Sonic the Hedgehog - Sega or Super Mario Bros on the Gameboy

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

some type of songbird

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

I used to a lot more lol

46: Thoughts on spring?

LUV U<3333

47: Ideal temperature outside?

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

Cloudy

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

A lot since I live like 15 min away from the airport, I get to watch em take off from my window

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

Yessss

#about me #another damn survey #haylee #questions

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whiskynottea · 5 years

Photo

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43

AO3

@theministerskat , thank you so much for being such an awesome beta!

Chapter 44. Dreams

In the morning, I felt Jamie’s soft lips against my cheek. His whispered words mingled with my dreams, causing me to doubt that he was really in my room - Lallybroch’s guest room.

“We’re leaving, Sassenach,” he announced, lightly pecking my lips with a kiss that didn’t quite alleviate my want for him.

“What time is it?” I asked confused, opening my eyes to see the most beautiful sky blue in his. He wore an indigo t-shirt and jeans, and he was smiling.

“Seven-fifteen. Go back to sleep. We’ll be back before ye know it.” With that, the heat of his body vanished from my side. I heard the door close behind him, and my heavy eyelids shut the light out again. It was too early.

I nuzzled my pillow, pulled the covers up to my chin, and thought of him.

Dream a little dream of me.

I woke up almost four hours later, and stared at my phone, stunned at how late I had slept.

That’s what holidays are for, right?

Relieved that Brian wasn’t there to witness my waking hours - the man woke up before dawn - I stretched my body languorously and got out of bed. Having the entire house to myself had its advantages. Without bothering to get dressed, I padded to the kitchen in my pyjamas, looking forward to a warm cup of coffee.

It was a beautiful summer day. The rays of sunshine squeezed through the curtains to dance upon the wooden kitchen table, Bran barked his disagreement with the chickens’ behavior in the yard, birds were chirping from the trees next to the back door, their song a praise to the cloudless sky.

The house was quiet and I closed my eyes. The coffee’s scent had filled the room and I inhaled deeply, listening to all the sounds that were usually swallowed by the constant buzz of the city. I was far away from Edinburgh, and yet, this place felt like home.

Lallybroch held a distinctive warmth, like a wisp of vanilla and cinnamon enfolding me when I stepped into the house. Brian, Jenny, Jamie… They had opened their arms to me. Even Ellen, with her fiery locks flying in the wind, smiled at me through the picture on Brian’s desk. Her eyes kind, her gaze conspicuous. Take care of them.

I suddenly felt alone. There was a note with Jamie’s writing on the table and I picked it up to see a smiley face next to a hastily-written ‘Good morning, babe. Breakfast in the oven.’ I chuckled and opened the oven door to find a bowl of porridge, with blueberries and toasted nuts.

My little chef. Jamie Fraser is not little. My personal chef, I amended.

With a smile, I took the bowl with one hand, my coffee with the other, and headed to the library. On my way there I realized I had left my phone in the kitchen, but I had read Jamie’s good morning text already, and it would probably be a while before he could send another message.

We had been at Lallybroch just for a day, when Jamie’s coach had called him, asking if he and his father could return to Edinburgh because he needed to talk to them – both of them. He apologized for the inconvenience but insisted it was important.

Jamie and I had spent the previous night on the couch, him lying on my outstretched legs, making guesses as to the meeting’s purpose. At last, we agreed that Jamie’s coach would want to talk to Brian about Jamie’s future, and make sure he would continue training with the team during the next year.

Which was ideal, concerning our gap year plans.

Our applications to the colleges at Oxford University would be due in October. Our interviews would follow in December, and by the beginning of the new year we would know if we were accepted.

We would - I knew it. And then we would celebrate our success with a trip to Paris, just as we had agreed. Maybe Rome, too, depending on our budget.

Our budget was currently at zero, but we had come up with a way to fix that tiny detail. We had both started looking for jobs in Edinburgh, and we wanted to talk to Brian about our plans as soon as possible, because he had to let Jamie stay with Murtagh one more year. Maybe it would be easier after the meeting, if his coach talked to Brian about the importance of Jamie’s training.

But just in case, we had a backup plan too. Once Brian set his mind to something, it was difficult to convince him to change it - just like his son. So if he would insist on Jamie staying at Lallybroch, I would go with him and find a job in Inverness. We wouldn’t spend our gap year apart when the last year we had been just a phone call and 10 minutes away.

Thinking of my phone, I remembered the message he had sent me that morning and a wide grin spread across my face. It had been a gif of a sleepy baby, and a text saying how much he would like to be in bed with me.

Just a few more hours and he will be back.

Perched in my armchair – the olive armchair that I had declared mine – I ate my breakfast, staring at the bookshelves and wondering what to read. My gaze fell on Circe, the book Jenny had suggested, and I soon found myself lost in its pages, forgetting to finish my coffee.

I was so engrossed with my book, that the next time I checked the big clock on the wall behind me I sprang to my feet and almost ran to the kitchen.

Two hours had passed, and the meeting would certainly be finished by now. I was sure that I would find tons of messages from Jamie wondering where I was – and yet, there was nothing.

Sassenach: Jamie? Are you still in the meeting?

Five minutes passed without a reply. Five minutes, even though he was online.

Sassenach: Jamie?

He didn’t read my messages.

Calm down, he probably hasn’t checked his phone. I heard a little, calm voice in my head.

But he’s online. An evil second one, added.

Sassenach: Is everything okay?

Nothing came in response to my texts. I paced back and forth in the kitchen, then back to the library to retrieve my bowl.

I checked my phone again. Nothing. I washed the bowl to avoid sending yet another message. Once my hands were dry again, I grabbed my phone from the table, typing furiously.

Sassenach: Where are you?

Finally, three dots appeared on my screen – only to disappear again. I felt my stomach clench. Jamie never hesitated when messaging with me. But he had never avoided me before either.

I typed again, but deleted my message. I stood in the middle of the kitchen – his kitchen – on that same beautiful summer day, and yet I shivered. I stared at my phone’s screen, waiting, willing myself not to text him again. Finally, his picture appeared on my screen, next to a new message.

Scot: Coming home, Sassenach.

That was all? No emojis, not even an exclamation point?

Sassenach: Are you alright?

Scot: Yes, fine. Ttyl.

Talk to you later, my ass.

That wasn’t fine. It was far from fine. Miles away from fine. Jamie never texted like this.

What the hell happened in Edinburgh?

I spent the next two hours watching the clock, wishing the hands to move faster. Wishing Brian to speed up, to bring Jamie back home to me.

I needed to see him, to listen to him say he was ‘fine’ and look me in the eye. He wasn’t fine.

I had tried to resume reading, but I couldn’t focus. I could do nothing but pace back and forth, then sink in the armchair in despair only to find that my limbs needed to move as much as my lungs needed to breathe.

The house suddenly seemed too big, too empty. Every little sound drew my attention, upsetting me. A subtle sound of plates settling on the drying rack in the kitchen, scaring me half to death, a door creaking, the roof clicking… And above every other sound, the one of my nerves rattling. The same question repeating itself in my head, loud and clear.

What is wrong? What had happened?

We had everything planned, we had thought of a solution for every possible problem. This meeting was supposed to help us.

And yet, Jamie wasn’t speaking to me. We had promised we would share everything, and now he wasn’t opening up to me.

I had my head buried in my hands when I heard Brian’s car and then the front door opening. I walked to the foyer to find Brian alone, his brow furrowed, mirroring mine.

“Jamie?” I asked, hesitantly.

“He’s outside, lass. Give him a moment, aye?” His eyes were soft, his lips pressed in a tight line. As if he was sorry.

Sorry for what?

I nodded, but my lips moved involuntarily, asking “Why?”, even though I knew there would be no answer to my question.

I waited five minutes. Five excruciating minutes, and then I walked back to the front door, put my shoes on, took a deep breath and stepped out. The sun blinded me for a second, and then I saw him, tall and impressive, red hair fiercer than the sun, standing on end in all possible directions.

With a shaking breath, I walked to him. He stood with his back towards the house, facing the hills, just as he had told me he did as a child, when he felt sad. The scenery calmed him down; wild and tamed, it was like him.

All my anger about him not replying to my messages and then being cold evaporated like fine mist under the sun’s heat. I wanted to hug him. To wrap my hands around his waist and bring him to me, whispering that it would be alright. But as I took a final step towards him, I felt afraid, unsure of how to approach him. I placed my hand between his shoulder blades tenderly, wishing not to startle him.

Jamie took a deep breath and let it out in a single word. “Sassenach.”

I had never heard that tone in his voice before. A relief, feeling my hand on him, mixed with concern and something that was terribly close to fear.

“Jamie?” My voice was small, but my steps were steady as I walked to face him. “What did your coach say?”

Jamie pursed his lips together, just as Brian had done minutes ago. “Come with me?” he asked, unsure.

“Of course.” I smiled and turned to take his hand. My eyes lingered on the scraped knuckles, the blood still fresh, painting his fingers. “What happened?” I asked, swallowing with difficulty.

“I punched a tree,” he answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“You punched a tree.” I repeated. “And I guess if I go check, the tree will be worse than you, right?”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “Ye’re really funny, Claire, have I told ye so?” he mocked me, but his lips curled up.

“I think you have,” I said, and took his other hand in mine. “Let’s go inside to clean that up, you bloody Scot.”

His laughter came stronger this time, and I revelled in the sound. As long as I could make him laugh, all would be well.

Jamie sat quiet while I cleaned and bandaged his wounds. When I finished he pulled me closer, breathed in, and said, “My very own doctor.”

“Always,” I whispered, placing a kiss on the side of his neck. I pulled away then, scowling at him. “Why the hell did you do that?”

Jamie shrugged, his eyes fixed on the floor. “I didna ken what else to do.”

“Will you finally tell me what has happened? I’ve been waiting for hours, Jamie, and you kept me in the dark.”

“Claire,” he said, and his hand came to rest on my cheek. “Ye ken I love ye, aye?”

Things are worse than I thought.

“Tell me,” I pressed, feeling my heart speeding up.

The kitchen was suddenly too small, the walls too thick to let me breathe. Jamie must had felt it too, because he took my hand and walked us outside again.

“Come, Sassenach,” he said, when I pulled us in a stop. “I want us to be alone.”

We walked up the hill behind the house and sat on the grass. The view was beautiful, the sun caressing the hills, hues of green and yellow coloring the earth, as if an invisible hand had painted them fresh that same morning. Walking had soothed my nerves, but when I caught my breath again I felt the anxiety build in my chest, rising up in my throat, threatening to choke me.

“Tell me,” I demanded again, before tears could come to my eyes. This tension was painful, the truth he kept from me mocking me from the shadows, hidden, powerful, intimidating. I needed to know.

“There was another coach in the meeting today,” he started, and I took a breath to steady myself, but Jamie didn’t continue.

“And?” I asked, impatient.

Jamie turned away from me, hiding his face in his hands, rubbing his temples. “I was offered a scholarship,” he mumbled in his hands, so low that I wasn’t sure I had heard correctly.

“What?” I froze.

I should be hugging him now.

I wanted to move. I wanted to do something more than just stare at him, lost. Something that wouldn’t aid him in building a wall between us. “A scholarship?” I whispered, striving for more words. “That’s wonderful, Jamie!”

God my heart hurts.

The scholarship wasn’t for Oxford. Because if it was, he would have called me the moment he had left his coach’s office.

In that moment, seeing my world tumbling down, I smiled the strangest smile of my life. Happy, sad, afraid.

Happy for him. Sad for me. Afraid for us.

He turned in my arms and cupped my face with both hands. “You know I love you, right?”

“I do, Jamie,” I answered and kissed the lips that I ached for all day, tasting him. Counting.

One more kiss, now that he’s still mine.

I needed that kiss, and all the kisses that would follow, to feel his presence next to me, inside my heart. To believe that the end of the world hadn’t come yet. “I do,” I repeated. “Tell me about the scholarship.”

“The coach was from the University of Michigan,” he said in a low voice, as if the volume would change the blow.

Michigan. The United States.

Oh God.

I listened to him quietly, not daring to trust my voice, unsure if I wanted to bring my feelings to the surface. This was a great opportunity for him. Maybe the best thing that could have ever happened. Jamie explained to me that the University of Michigan had one of the best bachelor programs for business administration in the US, and one of the best swimming and diving teams. He wore his mask tight, careful to show no emotions. Maybe because he couldn’t sort them out either.

“They have an Olympic sized pool for student-athletes, coaches and sports-specific dieticians and physios. Michael Phelps trained at the University of Michigan.”

Michael Phelps. Jamie’s first crush before he met me.

“It’s going to be amazing, Jamie. I’m so happy for you,” I said and hugged him again. I didn’t want to let go. I needed to keep him there, with me, in that moment while we were still together. But all I could see in front of me were broken dreams, their shards painful against my skin, carving a smile on my face that was neither fake or genuine.

I didn’t know how to feel. At that moment, I understood why Jamie hadn’t replied to my messages, why he’d hit that tree. It was happiness and anguish mingled together in the most inexplicable way.

“I didn’t say I’m going,” he said pulling away, his eyes searching mine. Dropping his mask.

In that moment, I saw his dreams and aspirations tearing him apart in front of my eyes. Half a heart here, half there. Torn, no matter what.

I wouldn’t do that to him.

“You didn’t accept?” I asked, my voice matter of fact.

“No.” He shook his head repeatedly, as if to prove his innocence, his devotion.

“Jamie, you should. This is like a dream coming true.”

My smile was genuine this time. Not our dream, but his. There was not a me anymore, just him. I had to see him safe, whole. And if I had to sacrifice a part of me to do that, I would gladly cut it out myself.

“I ken,” he said, his voice light at the thought of accepting the offer. “But what about us, Sassenach? Michigan is… far,” he finished lamely.

Too far. But still.

I took a deep breath, forced the widest smile on my face and took his hand between both mine.

“Are you kidding me? You have the opportunity to go to the US on a scholarship and you’re thinking about it?”

Jamie didn’t say anything, just looked at me.

“You said you love me,” I said.

“I do!” he exclaimed, his hand squeezing mine. His eyes honest, shining with unshed tears under the sunshine.

“Well, I love you too, you bloody Scot. You will go to Michigan, and we’ll make it work. If…” I trailed off. “If you still want that. Us.”

Jamie wrapped an arm around my waist, claiming my lips with his. “Of course I want that.” His whisper was hot on my lips. “You’re the most important thing in my life, Claire!”

I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. “We will FaceTime, we will visit, and you’ll come home during breaks, right?” Jamie nodded, and it was my turn to take his lips in mine. It was a long, unhurried kiss; trying to convince us both that we could make it work.

“He said I have to hurry, if I want to start in January. I have to take the SATs and complete my application by the 1st of October.”

“Then that is what you’ll do.” I shrugged, and smoothed the frown between his eyebrows with my index finger.

“Are you sure?” he asked again, and I silenced him with another kiss.

“I’m sure. You have to go teach Michael Phelps how things are done.”

His laughter. That boisterous sound, filling every empty nook of my soul.

“I dinna ken what I would do without ye, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered, still smiling. The sigh that followed felt as if the weight of the world had been taken away from his shoulders.

And set upon mine.

As we walked back to the house, hands tightly clasped together, I could feel my heart beat with difficulty, my brain hurt.

No Paris. No Rome. No Oxford.

No sleeping in Jamie’s arms every night.

No waking up to his whisper breathing ‘good morning’ in my ear every day.

Dreams crushed, like the wildflowers underneath our shoes.

Chapter 45

#thermodynamics #The first law of thermodynamics #jamie x claire #high school au #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction #picture is mine!#from Aberdeenshire not Lallybroch #but it was beautiful

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the-chronicle-of-holy-days · 1 month

Text

Day 4

Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli

Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum sub figurâ VII

1. Thou wast a priestess, O my God, among the Druids; and we knew the powers of the oak.

2. We made us a temple of stones in the shape of the Universe, even as thou didst wear openly and I concealed.

3. There we performed many wonderful things by midnight.

4. By the waning moon did we work.

5. Over the plain came the atrocious cry of wolves.

6. We answered; we hunted with the pack.

7. We came even unto the new Chapel and Thou didst bear away the Holy Graal beneath Thy Druid vestments.

8. Secretly and by stealth did we drink of the informing sacrament.

9. Then a terrible disease seized upon the folk of the grey land; and we rejoiced.

10. O my God, disguise Thy glory!

11. Come as a thief, and let us steal away the Sacraments!

12. In our groves, in our cloistral cells, in our honeycomb of happiness, let us drink, let us drink!

13. It is the wine that tinges everything with the true tincture of infallible gold.

14. There are deep secrets in these songs. It is not enough to hear the bird; to enjoy song he must be the bird.

15. I am the bird, and Thou art my song, O my glorious galloping God!

16. Thou reinest in the stars; thou drivest the constellations seven abreast through the circus of Nothingness.

17. Thou Gladiator God!

18. I play upon mine harp; Thou fightest the beasts and the flames.

19. Thou takest Thy joy in the music, and I in the fighting.

20. Thou and I are beloved of the Emperor.

21. See! he has summoned us to the Imperial dais.

The night falls; it is a great orgy of worship and bliss.

22. The night falls like a spangled cloak from the shoulders of a prince upon a slave.

23. He rises a free man!

24. Cast thou, O prophet, the cloak upon these slaves!

25. A great night, and scarce fires therein; but freedom for the slave that its glory shall encompass.

26. So also I went down into the great sad city.

27. There dead Messalina bartered her crown for poison from the dead Locusta; there stood Caligula, and smote the seas of forgetfulness.

28. Who wast Thou, O Caesar, that Thou knewest God in an horse?

29. For lo! we beheld the White Horse of the Saxon engraven upon the earth; and we beheld the Horses of the Sea that flame about the old grey land, and the foam from their nostrils enlightens us!

30. Ah! but I love thee, God!

31. Thou art like a moon upon the ice-world.

32. Thou art like the dawn of the utmost snows upon the burnt-up flats of the tiger’s land.

33. By silence and by speech do I worship Thee.

34. But all is in vain.

35. Only Thy silence and Thy speech that worship me avail.

36. Wail, O ye folk of the grey land, for we have drunk your wine, and left ye but the bitter dregs.

37. Yet from these we will distil ye a liquor beyond the nectar of the Gods.

38. There is value in our tincture for a world of Spice and gold.

39. For our red powder of projection is beyond all possibilities.

40. There are few men; there are enough.

41. We shall be full of cup-bearers, and the wine is not stinted.

42. O dear my God! what a feast Thou hast provided.

43. Behold the lights and the flowers and the maidens!

44. Taste of the wines and the cates and the splendid meats!

45. Breathe in the perfumes and the clouds of little gods like wood-nymphs that inhabit the nostrils!

46. Feel with your whole body the glorious smoothness of the marble coolth and the generous warmth of the sun and the slaves!

47. Let the Invisible inform all the devouring Light of its disruptive vigour!

48. Yea! all the world is split apart, as an old grey tree by the lightning!

49. Come, O ye gods, and let us feast.

50. Thou, O my darling, O my ceaseless Sparrow-God, my delight, my desire, my deceiver, come Thou and chirp at my right hand!

51. This was the tale of the memory of Al A’in the priest; yea, of Al A’in the priest

(Years favorite is with bold as always) and I can’t even explain this days choice haha

#thelema #thelemic holy season #holy days #liber liberi #liber resh vel Helios #argentum astrum #silver star

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holy-mountaineering · 5 years

Quote

VI 1. Thou wast a priestess, O my God, among the Druids; and we knew the powers of the oak. 2. We made us a temple of stones in the shape of the Universe, even as thou didst wear openly and I concealed. 3. There we performed many wonderful things by midnight. 4. By the waning moon did we work. 5. Over the plain came the atrocious cry of wolves. 6. We answered; we hunted with the pack. 7. We came even unto the new Chapel and Thou didst bear away the Holy Graal beneath Thy Druid vestments. 8. Secretly and by stealth did we drink of the informing sacrament. 9. Then a terrible disease seized upon the folk of the grey land; and we rejoiced. 10. O my God, disguise Thy glory! 11. Come as a thief, and let us steal away the Sacraments! 12. In our groves, in our cloistral cells, in our honeycomb of happiness, let us drink, let us drink! 13. It is the wine that tinges everything with the true tincture of infallible gold. 14. There are deep secrets in these songs. It is not enough to hear the bird; to enjoy song he must be the bird. 15. I am the bird, and Thou art my song, O my glorious galloping God! 16. Thou reinest in the stars; thou drivest the constellations seven abreast through the circus of Nothingness. 17. Thou Gladiator God! 18. I play upon mine harp; Thou fightest the beasts and the flames. 19. Thou takest Thy joy in the music, and I in the fighting. 20. Thou and I are beloved of the Emperor. 21. See! he has summoned us to the Imperial dais. The night falls; it is a great orgy of worship and bliss. 22. The night falls like a spangled cloak from the shoulders of a prince upon a slave. 23. He rises a free man! 24. Cast thou, O prophet, the cloak upon these slaves! 25. A great night, and scarce fires therein; but freedom for the slave that its glory shall encompass. 26. So also I went down into the great sad city. 27. There dead Messalina bartered her crown for poison from the dead Locusta; there stood Caligula, and smote the seas of forgetfulness. 28. Who wast Thou, O Caesar, that Thou knewest God in an horse? 29. For lo! we beheld the White Horse of the Saxon engraven upon the earth; and we beheld the Horses of the Sea that flame about the old grey land, and the foam from their nostrils enlightens us! 30. Ah! but I love thee, God! 31. Thou art like a moon upon the ice-world. 32. Thou art like the dawn of the utmost snows upon the burnt-up flats of the tiger’s land. 33. By silence and by speech do I worship Thee. 34. But all is in vain. 35. Only Thy silence and Thy speech that worship me avail. 36. Wail, O ye folk of the grey land, for we have drunk your wine, and left ye but the bitter dregs. 37. Yet from these we will distil ye a liquor beyond the nectar of the Gods. 38. There is value in our tincture for a world of Spice and gold. 39. For our red powder of projection is beyond all possibilities. 40. There are few men; there are enough. 41. We shall be full of cup-bearers, and the wine is not stinted. 42. O dear my God! what a feast Thou hast provided. 43. Behold the lights and the flowers and the maidens! 44. Taste of the wines and the cates and the splendid meats! 45. Breathe in the perfumes and the clouds of little gods like wood-nymphs that inhabit the nostrils! 46. Feel with your whole body the glorious smoothness of the marble coolth and the generous warmth of the sun and the slaves! 47. Let the Invisible inform all the devouring Light of its disruptive vigour! 48. Yea! all the world is split apart, as an old grey tree by the lightning! 49. Come, O ye gods, and let us feast. 50. Thou, O my darling, O my ceaseless Sparrow-God, my delight, my desire, my deceiver, come Thou and chirp at my right hand! 51. This was the tale of the memory of Al A’in the priest; yea, of Al A’in the priest.

Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum sub figurâ VII - Chapter VI Suggested Thelemic Holy Book Reading March 23, 2019.

#thelema #occult #magick #thelemic holy books #liber lapidis Lazuli

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british-order-of-thelema-blog · 5 years

Text

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Todays pathworking and meditations (23rd March) come courtesy of Atu XVIII 'The Moon' and the reading of Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum sub figurâ VII - chapter VI.

The Path of the Moon joins Netzach to Malkuth. It takes the seeker far from the Divine Source in Kether, into the material world of Malkuth, The Kingdom, where all the accumulated energies of the Tree take fixed form.

Netzach means ‘Victory’ and here the implication is the conquering of our own demons.

Malkuth is the earthly Sephiroth at the very bottom of the Tree of Life and serves as the means for establishing an identification with outer reality.

The implication of this path between Netzach and Malkuth is to look inside ourselves to that which we have repressed/ ignored and have found difficult to come to terms with (moon) , in order to conquer this aspect of our nature (Netzach, Victory) so that we can express ourselves much more freely in our daily life (Malkuth).

This path is Qoph. Qoph is the 19th path within the Tree of Life and the 19th letter of the Hebrew Alphabet. It means ‘back of the head’ and is related to the cerebellum of the brain which amongst other things is concerned with regulating pleasure and fear responses. Also being at the back of the head it represents that which we do not see and is therefore related to the subconscious.

Liber VII:VI

1. Thou wast a priestess, O my God, among the Druids; and we knew the powers of the oak.

2. We made us a temple of stones in the shape of the Universe, even as thou didst wear openly and I concealed.

3. There we performed many wonderful things by midnight.

4. By the waning moon did we work.

5. Over the plain came the atrocious cry of wolves.

6. We answered; we hunted with the pack.

7. We came even unto the new Chapel and Thou didst bear away the Holy Graal beneath Thy Druid vestments.

8. Secretly and by stealth did we drink of the informing sacrament.

9. Then a terrible disease seized upon the folk of the grey land; and we rejoiced.

10. O my God, disguise Thy glory!

11. Come as a thief, and let us steal away the Sacraments!

12. In our groves, in our cloistral cells, in our honeycomb of happiness, let us drink, let us drink!

13. It is the wine that tinges everything with the true tincture of infallible gold.

14. There are deep secrets in these songs. It is not enough to hear the bird; to enjoy song he must be the bird.

15. I am the bird, and Thou art my song, O my glorious galloping God!

16. Thou reinest in the stars; thou drivest the constellations seven abreast through the circus of Nothingness.

17. Thou Gladiator God!

18. I play upon mine harp; Thou fightest the beasts and the flames.

19. Thou takest Thy joy in the music, and I in the fighting.

20. Thou and I are beloved of the Emperor.

21. See! he has summoned us to the Imperial dais.

The night falls; it is a great orgy of worship and bliss.

22. The night falls like a spangled cloak from the shoulders of a prince upon a slave.

23. He rises a free man!

24. Cast thou, O prophet, the cloak upon these slaves!

25. A great night, and scarce fires therein; but freedom for the slave that its glory shall encompass.

26. So also I went down into the great sad city.

27. There dead Messalina bartered her crown for poison from the dead Locusta; there stood Caligula, and smote the seas of forgetfulness.

28. Who wast Thou, O Caesar, that Thou knewest God in an horse?

29. For lo! we beheld the White Horse of the Saxon engraven upon the earth; and we beheld the Horses of the Sea that flame about the old grey land, and the foam from their nostrils enlightens us!

30. Ah! but I love thee, God!

31. Thou art like a moon upon the ice-world.

32. Thou art like the dawn of the utmost snows upon the burnt-up flats of the tiger’s land.

33. By silence and by speech do I worship Thee.

34. But all is in vain.

35. Only Thy silence and Thy speech that worship me avail.

36. Wail, O ye folk of the grey land, for we have drunk your wine, and left ye but the bitter dregs.

37. Yet from these we will distil ye a liquor beyond the nectar of the Gods.

38. There is value in our tincture for a world of Spice and gold.

39. For our red powder of projection is beyond all possibilities.

40. There are few men; there are enough.

41. We shall be full of cup-bearers, and the wine is not stinted.

42. O dear my God! what a feast Thou hast provided.

43. Behold the lights and the flowers and the maidens!

44. Taste of the wines and the cates and the splendid meats!

45. Breathe in the perfumes and the clouds of little gods like wood-nymphs that inhabit the nostrils!

46. Feel with your whole body the glorious smoothness of the marble coolth and the generous warmth of the sun and the slaves!

47. Let the Invisible inform all the devouring Light of its disruptive vigour!

48. Yea! all the world is split apart, as an old grey tree by the lightning! 49. Come, O ye gods, and let us feast.

50. Thou, O my darling, O my ceaseless Sparrow-God, my delight, my desire, my deceiver, come Thou and chirp at my right hand!

51. This was the tale of the memory of Al A’in the priest; yea, of Al A’in the priest.

Blessed pathworkings and meditations on this, the 3rd day of our Thelemic Holy Season, 2018 Era Vulgari.

Love is the law, love under Will.

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thehierophage · 4 years

Text

Holy Day Meditation for April 1, 2020 æ.v.

April 1, 2020 æ.v.

Dies Mercurii, Sol 12° Aries, Luna 19° Cancer

An Vvi æ.n.

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The Day of Yod, the Day of the Hermit

Hebrew Letter: Yod

Numerical Value as Letter: 10

Numerical Value as Word: 20/14

(Yod+Vav+Daleth or Yod+Daleth)

Meaning: Hand (open, palm, side & fingers)

Thoth Card: The Hermit (Atu IX)

Alternate Title: The Prophet of the Eternal, The Magus of the Voice of Power.

Image:

Correspondences:

Tree of Life Path Association: Key 20 - Tiphareth to Chesed (from Sephira 6-4)

Astrological Sign: Virgo

Element: Earth

Egyptian Godforms: Isis [as Virgin], Heru-pa-Kraath

Geomantic Figure: Conjunctio

Gemstones: Peridot

Perfumes: Narcissus

Plants: Snowdrop, Lily, Narcissus, Mistletoe

Animals: Rhinoceros

Colors:

King Scale – Green, yellowish

Queen Scale – Slate grey

Prince Scale – Green grey

Princess Scale – Plum colour

The Secret Instruction of the Master:

Wander alone; bearing the Light and thy Staff! And be the Light so bright that no man seeth thee! Be not moved by aught without or within: keep Silence in all ways!

Mnemonic:

Most secret seed of all Life's serpent plan, Virgin, the Hermit goes, dumb Guardian.

Liber Arcanorum Verse:

Also the Priest veiled himself, lest his glory be profaned, lest his word be lost in the multitude.

Genius of the House of Mercury

Iuhavahaⲝanعθaton

Genius of the Prison of the Qliphoth

Yamatu

Recommended Text for Meditation:

Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli, Cap. 5

Liber Liberi vel Lapdis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalae Aegyptiorum Sub Figura VII

Being the Voluntary Emancipation of a certain Exempt Adept from his Adeptship. These are the Birth-Words of a Master of the Temple. A.˙.A.˙. Publication in Class A. Imprimatur: N. Fra A.˙. A.˙.

1. O my beautiful God! I swim in Thy heart like a trout in the mountain torrent.

2. I leap from pool to pool in my joy; I am goodly with brown and gold and silver.

3. Why, I am lovelier than the russet autumn woods at the first snowfall.

4. And the crystal cave of my thought is lovelier than I.

5. Only one fish-hook can draw me out; it is a woman kneeling by the bank of the stream. It is she that pours the bright dew over herself, and into the sand so that the river gushes forth.

6. There is a bird on yonder myrtle; only the song of that bird can draw me out of the pool of Thy heart, O my God!

7. Who is this Neapolitan boy that laughs in his happiness? His lover is the mighty crater of the Mountain of Fire. I saw his charred limbs borne down the slopes in a stealthy tongue of liquid stone.

8. And Oh! the chirp of the cicada!

9. I remember the days when I was cacique in Mexico.

10. O my God, wast Thou then as now my beautiful lover?

11. Was my boyhood then as now Thy toy, Thy joy?

12. Verily, I remember those iron days.

13. I remember how we drenched the bitter lakes with our torrent of gold; how we sank the treasurable image in the crater of Citlaltepetl.

14. How the good flame lifted us even unto the lowlands, setting us down in the impenetrable forest.

16. There was a weird winged God that told us of his wisdom.

17. We attained to be starry grains of gold dust in the sands of a slow river.

18. Yea, and that river was the river of space and time also.

19. We parted thence; ever to the smaller, ever to the greater, until now, O sweet God, we are ourselves, the same.

20. O God of mine, Thou art like a little white goat with lightning in his horns!

21. I love Thee, I love Thee.

22. Every breath, every word, every thought, every deed is an act of love with Thee.

23. The beat of my heart is the pendulum of love.

24. The songs of me are the soft sighs:

25. The thoughts of me are very rapture:

26. And my deeds are the myriads of Thy children, the stars and the atoms.

27. Let there be nothing!

28. Let all things drop into this ocean of love!

29. Be this devotion a potent spell to exorcise the demons of the Five!

30. Ah God, all is gone! Thou dost consummate Thy rapture. Falutli! Falutli!

31. There is a solemnity of the silence. There is no more voice at all.

32. So shall it be unto the end. We who were dust shall never fall away into the dust.

33. So shall it be.

34. Then, O my God, the breath of the Garden of Spices. All these have a savour averse.

35. The cone is cut with an infinite ray; the curve of hyperbolic life springs into being.

36. Farther and farther we float; yet we are still. It is the chain of systems that is falling away from us.

37. First falls the silly world; the world of the old grey land.

38. Falls it unthinkably far, with its sorrowful bearded face presiding over it; it fades to silence and woe.

39. We to silence and bliss, and the face is the laughing face of Eros.

40. Smiling we greet him with the secret signs.

41. He leads us into the Inverted Palace.

42. There is the Heart of Blood, a pyramid reaching its apex down beyond the Wrong of the Beginning.

43. Bury me unto Thy Glory, O beloved, O princely lover of this harlot maiden, within the Secretest Chamber of the Palace!

44. It is done quickly; yea, the seal is set upon the vault.

45. There is one that shall avail to open it.

46. Nor by memory, nor by imagination, nor by prayer, nor by fasting, nor by scourging, nor by drugs, nor by ritual, nor by meditation; only by passive love shall he avail.

47. He shall await the sword of the Beloved and bare his throat for the stroke.

48. Then shall his blood leap out and write me runes in the sky; yea, write me runes in the sky.

Love is the law, love under will.

#Thelema #Magick #Occult #Tarot

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thecaptions-blog · 5 years

Text

Spring Captions

1. Sunshine is the best medicine.

2. All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.

3. Spring: a lovely reminder of how beautiful change can truly be.

4. April showers bring May flowers.

5. The good time for new beginnings is now.

6. Let your joy burst forth, like flowers in the spring.

7. Happiness is waking up to a sunny day during spring.

8. Spring is in the air.

9. Nature does not hurry and yet everything is accomplished during spring.

10. Spring is sooner recognized by plants than by men.

11. Spring sunshine is the best medicine for long winter nights.

12. I smell spring.

13. A kind word is like a spring day

14. Spring breaths new life into the world around us.

15. No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.

16. I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day.

17. Spring has sprung.

18. No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.

19. Go play outside!

20. The force of spring — mysterious, fecund, powerful beyond measure.

21. Life began in a garden.

22. Hello, spring.

23. The birds sing to let us know it’s almost Spring.

24. There is sunshine in my soul today.

25. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

26. If we had no winter the spring would not be so pleasant.

27. Spring: A lovely reminder of how beautiful change can truly be.

28. Today will be a good day!

29. Keep calm and go outside.

30. My favorite weather is bird-chirping weather.

31. Enjoy the little things… Especially during the spring.

32. Chase the sun during spring.

33. Spring is the time of plans and projects.

34. Winter is what makes spring so pleasant.

35. Alright, spring, do your thing.

36. The best time for new beginnings is spring.

37. Life is beautiful, just enjoy the ride.

38. Happiness is waking up to a sunny day during spring.

39. You can’t have a rainbow without a little spring rain.

40. Go outside and get some sunshine!

41. Spring will come and so will happiness. Hold on. Life will get warmer.

42. Seasons change, and so do we.

43. Finally, it’s going to be a bright, bright, sun-shiny day.

#caption #instagram #fbcaption #instacaptions

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pmanisha · 6 years

Text

Dhoodhsagar Part3

-- 30 June 2018 12:13PM --

We are lazy! deadly! never open our eyes even when we have plan at 7am! Eyes are open at 7:30AM (hint for adventure beginning :P ) So by the time all wake up, freshen up, have breakfast, (lakshmi and I getting clicked in the surrounding greenery :D ) it was almost 11AM (facepalm? yes of course! :P :D )

We head towards dhoddhsagar! :) Oh damn! I have a pause now :) :D Emotions come out when I say this! :) :D Okay we are stopped again! :P this time by real police :D checked all documents related to vehicle :D Check Post Police people, they called Lakshmi’s mother to say that her daughter is going in a jungle which is very risky and they hope that their daughter told them about this! :D Aunty being sweet says yeah let them go :D even though she had fear when police just frightened her :D and then asked all of us, whats up with guys :D where is that you all going :D is it that risky? We being super over confident say Aye Aunty dont you worry ;) :D :P

Move finally from Molem to Kolem. The road, the greenery, non-stop rain, the weather it was simply amazing! :) Park car and bikes, suit up with rain coats (thanks to bengaluru boys :D ), grab some snacks so as to eat while travelling. All set! and ready to go! :D

First bumper! came to know from people at Kolem station that trains arent running for dhoodhsagar, and it would start after four days later! Since our plan was trek, we begin the 12 KM trek! :D how to trek? On the railway track :P

Me being so coward girl, who says no to risks :P :D had multiple things running in my mind: are we doing it right? Is it good to go? Trek? On a Railway Track? Damn! Risky! Too risky! Because as I said earlier we had lost all the precious morning time and the moment we begin our trek it was 1:30PM which is so risky!

But as I also said earlier hum hai sakth laundey :D :D we decided we will begin :D :D and it was not even a kilometer that we had covered that a train came.. while standing at the side, it stopped! we were shocked! Train had stopped just because we were heading towards jungle, the police in the train warned us, you will be fined 10,000 Rs/- if you go there, get back, its damn risky!

I was now almost firm that we will get back! but no! the moment train left, rest were like lets goooooo! idiots we are :P :D :P :D that young blood boils at more than boiling point to do such things even when someone gives such strict warnings :P :D Found a snake while going :P could hear chirping of various birds (cant name species you see :D ) and when we completed some 4KM of trek, we were instilled with some confidence (although that initial over confidence had come down :P :D ). Mist, Thick Jungle, water droplets pouring on us since the start of trek, and the only way.. railway track! imagine !! We were of course alert for the incoming trains, checked every red signal, and when train sound is heard approx 1KM away, we used to halt and move again when the train passed by. At coverage of 4KM we got a person who was returning and we asked him how he knows that we covered 4KM (after all it was he who told us the coverage :D ) he said look at these scripted stones fixed at side it reads the KM. so exactly at stone scribbled with 39/2 you will find the falls :D we were so thankful to him and we continued our journey :)

We began around 49/8, every KM was observed, the pace, the movement of all 10 people, being cautious about signals, trains, and make sounds too (may be shoo away animals :D :D ) this wasnt a simple walk on a straight road but a railway track so certainly difficulties did exist. Ganesh was in continuous need of chocolates, I was a little worried about Lakshmi as she was always behind and was thinking what if she couldnt make it out.. made me realize that we were out with no back ups! no torches if required! (yeah mobile torch is of course there), no first aid kit! yet team of 10 was heading towards the destination!

49 down, 48,47,46,45,44,43, read the stones :D :D and we went on talking, singing, what not :D :) crossed 4 tunnels one being a little larger one being a curvy one and we stopped at some point for clicks; by now all were so happy that we were doing it nicely :D

That moment when we could see nature! falling greatly from heights! as if milk is gushing down! Hence the name “doodh” = milk and “sagar” = ocean/waterbody goodness! That serene is still captured in the eyes! :) Yes that moment! when we reached 39/2 we were right in front of the falls, standing right on the bridge! yay-yay! Yipee! Yu Huuuu! Hip Hip Hurray! We did it! the 12KM long trek was over! and we acheived the milestone :D

The beauty of the nature was cherished for 20 minutes, so it took us 4 hours and it was 5:30PM! Now is the kick! How to go back? :P

Stay tuned :P please pray situation :D

#travel #travelgram

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