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dreamiesdotcom · 3 years

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shooting star | n.jm

Summary: You take a pen, resting your cheeks on your palms as you lazily think of words to write — now and then, you lock gazes with Jaemin and you pretend that the red in your cheeks is just of the cold.

Word Count : 3.9k

The rooftop is big, but it feels a little crowded.

The addition of people is not bad, you think, especially since those people make your friends happy. By tradition, you welcome the New Year in this rooftop, playing music and games just like the other days but this time, with more food and... well, New Year stuff — fireworks, things to make noise with. The addition of people is not bad. If you're observant enough, it can even be entertaining.

As an example, if you look close enough, you'll see that Renjun and Jisung have been just friends for too long. That, in the sense of Renjun watching Jisung playfully ride the beat, a smile that tips over the line of finding his carelessness unbearable in a growing-more-in-love kind of way.

He looks lost, maybe even intoxicated in the other's laughter, admiring the way Jeno can make his best friend easily drop his shyness. Renjun looks like he wants to know how. If you look close enough, you'll see the regretful heart behind his faux scowl.

Renjun looks at Jeno and Jisung with longing, the kind you're familiar with. He turns to you, and you avert your gaze a little too late because he's giggling as he walks over to your direction.

"So, you saw me, huh?" He asks, handing you a glass of whatever drink he first laid his hands on, no 'happy new year' or any appropriate first greeting. He leans against the railings and sighs wistfully, "Look, do you ever just fall in love with your best friend's boyfriend?"

"Out of random?"

"You don't fall for people at random." Bewilderment crosses his face, and he turns to you the same time you look at him. You shrug, and he arches a brow, "You let that build up and wait for it to destroy you."

You let that build up — the words echo inside your head as you break eye contact. Right across, Donghyuck pulls away from hugging Jaemin with a bright smile, handing him a gift. Jaemin sets it down, and probably feels your gaze on him because he looks up and beams at you. Red flushes your cheeks. — and wait for it to destroy you.

"Toast to that, I guess," you smile, watching him pretend to judge you and fail. Chenle calls out his name for a picture before they set up the fireworks, and before Renjun detaches himself from you, he bumps the rim of his glass to yours. You sigh.

"To the love we wished deserved and didn't."

Shock engulfs his features, then he laughs and he repeats the words before he leaves. The sudden lack of company feels a little cold.

You look at the candle one of them randomly lit, looking at it in stupor before picking it up. The wax trickles and scorches your skin, but you don't wince like you probably would any other feeling day. You hold onto it firmly until its golden glow is close enough to your hands, warm enough that you could pretend it's about to set you on fire.

All so suddenly Jaemin is beside you, blowing off the flame. You watch at him in question until he smiles.

"That'll burn."

"That's alright," you fake a laugh. "I want for a lot of things to burn."

###

It all starts on a Wednesday, a fine afternoon spent sitting at a cafe, waiting for Donghyuck. Your notebook remains open at your side, empty and waiting to be filled with unabashed emotions. The past eight months were spent uninspired, and you decided to look around the place in search of something — maybe the vintage items, the ivory wallpapers, the beautiful chairs — anything.

Something comes in the form of nervous eyes and flushed cheeks, a boy sitting at the far right of the place. He sits alone, fingers tapping on the table, sunlight grazing his skin. You almost hated how cliche everything had been — a boy, an uninspired poet, hands that so desperately itch to write about faded pink hair and a lost angel.

Your gazes meet, and everything unfolds way too softly for it to not be love at first sight.

At that moment, you knew nothing that good should be real. At that moment, you knew nothing that good could be yours.

You were right.

Donghyuck comes in, and he waves at you excitedly before furrowing his brows. Your best friend had always been adorably one of a kind, but none of his weirdness could have prepared you for when he walks straight to the boy's table, and you were almost certain he caught you two staring at each other and is waiting to set you two up, until he's walking back to your table with the brightest grin, the boy beside him.

Their hands entwined.

"He's my boyfriend!" He squeals, "Oh hell, should've said his name first. He's Jaemin, and he's my boyfriend."

"Oh..." you nodded, hands subtly moving to close your notebook. "Uh. Hi."

They both stand in silence before they start cracking up, inevitably making you smile. You excuse your awkwardness, and Donghyuck introduces you two again, and you shake hands this time. You pretend you don't feel shivers run down your spine.

The day passed in blurs of sugar smiles, a love story, a dull throb in your heart. The poetry being written in your head never got finished.

###

The first time you realize it, the world seems to forget you were even born, Donghyuck's across the world with his parents, and solitude is eating you alive. You find yourself stumbling back to the same rooftop, plucking rose petals with a sad face.

It's probably petty — honestly, it is, but it's not just that. It's not that you wanted gifts, or you wanted attention; you wanted to just feel special, to know that someone is glad that once upon a time on this very day, you were born. To belong. To feel wanted. To be told "Happy Birthday" because you are important and should be celebrated.

And maybe it's also because you grew used to it, waking up to several different ways of saying 'Happy Birthday'. Maybe you were used to midnight greetings, to people forcing you out of bed at 6 am, to eating breakfast and lunch and dinner together. Your home had been so empty and to have your friends fill that gap even just for a day is something you look forward to every year — the mournful feeling is there again.

8 pm glares at you on your lock screen, and it reminds you that you can't do any of that now. You tip your head back and let your back hit the floor. Maybe if you look hard enough, you'll see a shooting star and it'll give you a little something.

"What're you doing?"

You look up, surprised but not alarmed. Jaemin's soft smile greets your sight.

"I'm laying down and waiting for a comet to strike me."

The sound of his camera constantly breaks the static, and you realize that he'd been taking pictures of the nightlife. He makes a noise that tells you he isn't convinced with your answer, but you don't entertain him anymore. You just watch him take as many polaroids as he can, and you laugh because suddenly, the only thoughts in your mind becomes 'pretty, pretty, pretty'.

You force a laugh, "It's my birthday."

"Is today your birthday!? Nobody told me!"

"It's not important. I mean, who celebrates birthdays these days, righ— Hey!" The familiar snap sounds again and you stand up from where you're laying down, ready to hit him, but then he gives you the film. You look at his hands and back up, "What's this?"

"My gift." He shrugs as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. You take the picture from his hands, hesitant but relieved that it seemed to look nice, anyway. Jaemin smiles, "It's the image of an angel."

The world stops.

It's ridiculous and cheesy, even he knew that; the two of you laugh uncontrollably. It wasn't the kind of laughter that fades after a minute, but rather the kind that stops for a while only to start up again. The sound grows louder with each passing moment, and your eyes meet, but you don't stop until you both become embarrassed enough to blush; neither of you look away.

Maybe you are in love.

Maybe you are in love, and maybe he is too — except this time, it's not with Donghyuck, who it should be.

###

"It's you I meet again," Jaemin chimes. "What's up, buttercup? What are you doing here, a coffee shop, at 3 am?"

You look around the cafe, the tables empty. You briefly wonder about when Jaemin started working here before you realize you're unnecessarily curious. You press your lips into a thin line, looking for someone.

"I'd like to assume you already know." Your forehead creased when you noticed the unusual absence, "Where's my favorite boy?"

"Am I not your favorite boy?"

Jaemin pouts, and heaven, how it made your heart skip. You blink, spending the moment in silence, waiting for him to give up. "You are, indeed, not my favorite boy," You smile sweetly. "Where's Renjun?"

"I'm here because he's not. Do I seem like I work here? I was drinking coffee before he passed me an apron and left."

You roll your eyes, a poor attempt at keeping in the words of agreement — you kind of do, you look pretty, I could write so much about you — and you pretend to want nothing but get your drink. It takes an eternity before he lets you go, but once he does, you get comfortable on a table and whip out your notebook.

You look down on the first page, tracing the neatly written words — a confession if anybody who knows you gets to read it. A confession more than a dedication.

To the boy I shouldn't have loved.

The very same shooting star who gifted me a lifetime of heartbreak.

You heave a heavy sigh. You take a pen, resting your cheeks on your palms as you lazily think of words to write — now and then, you lock gazes with Jaemin and you pretend that the red in your cheeks is just of the cold. From that moment, every word you write is either about lights so bright you don't forget how beautiful he was under them, or something so strong it erases every trace of him from your system.

Jaemin leaves the counter and takes the chair across you. You look at him in confusion.

"I don't think you can do that?"

"I just did so I suppose, I can definitely do that." He smiles brightly. "So, what're we doing?"

You eye your notebook before quickly closing it, and then your half-finished cup of coffee. It's still dark outside with only some cars and people passing by, none of them interested in coming inside the cozy place. You say something about just being about to leave, and you look at him as if to say whatever's inside your head. Then, you stand up and walk away.

"Stay," he whispers, light enough that you'd think you weren't supposed to hear.

You swallow the lump in your throat when you feel his hand wrap around your wrist, cold against warm, and you don't have to look at his face to know of the begging stare he has directed for you at the moment. You try to look away but you feel weak, so weak that you could only manage a thin, shivering voice.

"Let me go."

"I can't."

Then don't, the voice in your head whispers, the selfish one; the greedy one, the desperate one. In reality, you close your eyes and tug your hands back because what's wrong is wrong, and what's wrong can never be right.

###

The rain clouds come one of the many times Jaemin asks for you to accompany him, and the storm looms darker above you with each genuine 'yes'.

The way this set up started had been pretty simple — hanging out together as friends, getting closer for Donghyuck's comfort; best friend-boyfriend bonding as he called it. For a while, it was everything. It's just your best friend trying to get you to trust his boyfriend, getting to know each other, and that's all — that's the truth.

It was friendship until it wasn't, and that was the truth until it was not anymore.

The night was peaceful so you didn't expect anything to go wrong, but expectations aren't always accurate. The sea looks calm, the moon brighter than all the other days. Jaemin's playing a somber song, something magical that just fits right for him and bittersweet love. His eyelashes flutter in a way gentle enough to drive you crazy, his perfume mingling with the cold night sea breeze, and it's too much that it drives you insane.

"What's wrong?" He asks as if he already knows the answer. "You're not telling me something."

It's been three months and a year since you and Jaemin started hanging out alone, and the swirling guilt in your gut is unnecessary because you're not even doing anything wrong.

It's the fleeting moments, you think, those lingering touches whenever you try to take from him the keys — "I'll drive," you'd whisper when you see yet again that look. Jaemin would smile, "What, scared I'll crash? I'm not stupid." — and when he doesn't give them, you sigh heavily with a hopeful look in your eyes. "Where to?" You'd ask even if you didn't care, and he would let himself forget the world as he opens the door for you, whispering words only a dreamer would say: "Stars."

And maybe it's where everything goes wrong. He shouldn't dream much for hopeless cases.

"Hey, shooting star," you call. He arches a brow at the nickname, but you ignore him. "Do you love me?"

"Would you hate me if I do?"

"You're dating my best friend, so of course, fuck you." You chuckle, shaking your head. "I hate myself more, so don't take it personally."

You meet his gaze, and the world shifts yet again just like at that moment in the coffee shop — angel boy, uninspired poet. He looked at you the same way he did weeks ago at the New Year's Party, that in the way his eyes are saying so many words for him to not be in love with you. Except now, he's much closer. Except now, in the confinements of his car, nobody to witness but the sea and the stars, he's leaning in and his breath is tickling your skin.

Except now, he's about to kiss you and you're not stopping him.

I can't, the rational part of you whispered. You say that you can't, but you're almost always on the edge of something and you're brave enough to consider through the guilt; you hate to admit it but that's the truth. You say that you can't, but at the same time, you don't draw yourself away from him — why?

Because in each and every one of this I can't's is the nasty truth that reads I want to.

You look at the water, and you chase your thoughts out with a dive. Jaemin's lips are still hovering above yours, and maybe if you weren't so numb you'd feel his heartbeat. You want to tear away, you want to run home and make a call and cry a litany of apologies. You want so much. You want so much, but what you want the most at the moment is for him to do what you can't and just kiss you already — you'd rather break yourself than not have this.

You close your eyes and decide that whatever will come tomorrow is something you deserve. You'll break your heart and ruin your world just for a kiss, and he'll leave — but you'll know that for a while he loved you and everything else is forgotten. You choose him and you forget all the consequences.

Just for once, just tonight. Just right now you'll let yourself indulge. Just this time he can have everything.

Right before your lips crash, you catch yourself and swim.

"Would you give me what I want, because you love me?"

Your words come out raspy, your eyes glistening with tears. Jaemin smiles in a manner just as heartbreaking, "What do you want?"

Not him — dear moon, I want him so bad, but I can't — definitely not him.

"I want fire so hot it burns away all the bad thoughts in my head." You suppress a sob as you move away, leaning back on the seat, clutching the fabric of your clothes as if to search for any semblance of sanity. "I want light so bright I forget you."

"What… what?"

You look at him with pure misery, "I think we should stop seeing each other."

Jaemin doesn't reply, but he starts up the car and makes a turn. You close your eyes hoping that everything could just be washed away by the rain, and you don't look at him for the rest of the drive.

###

Never in your life did you even think of living life without your best friend. That just can't happen, and so, why give it a thought, right? You're with him all the time, and he's been there since you can remember, and it wouldn't make sense if one day you wake up and he's all too suddenly not there anymore. You're certain that he's not going anywhere, and even if you're unsure of what the future holds, you aren't so worried.

If you knew, maybe you should have been.

"Hyuck?"

"Are you gonna remind me of the time I almost drowned and you told me you'll kill me if I die?"

"I'm leaving."

The traces of his previous chuckles disappear, and it seems like a movie scene with the way yours bloom tragically as you watch colored lights reflect on his skin. Then, as if sunrise, a slow smile etches on his face. A brief moment of regret and pain crosses his eyes before love overtakes it.

"You don't have to." He murmurs, sight still cast at the sea. Both his hands are tucked in his pockets in such a leisure way, and then he casually peers at you, "You don't have to leave because I'm not mad."

The sea makes the wind blowing even colder, and suddenly, the docks that used to warm you with sunlight feels cold as snow.

He knows... of course, he knows. Donghyuck saw your iridescence from every side and he knew how everything looked by heart; of course, he knew, he's your best friend, after all. Oh, how evil you are. How evil you are for loving the boy who belongs with him. How evil you are that even after that, Donghyuck reaches for your hands and you let him hold you; you let him smile at you sweetly, you let him calm you still.

"How can I even get mad at you? I love you more than anything in this world," he chuckles, and it breaks your heart. "You're my best friend and I'll give Jaemin up if I have to, if that will make you happy."

If that will make you happy... if it will make me happy... why did I do that to you, love? How did I manage to... oh, sweet heavens.

"You're all I need forever," you answer weakly, breathless and breathing all the same in his hug. It's your way of saying no, absolutely no, your sadness would never make me happy. You thank the high heavens that he couldn't see your face and the pain in it when you whisper, "But at the moment, this is what I need. Distance."

The first tear falls from Donghyuck's eyes, and the sudden drizzle of rain washes it off him. You look up to him and see longing, wondering just why it had to be this way, almost begging you you stay. He looked like he's about to send the world away if it meant that you won't have to leave, but the truth burns down to your determination, that he always admired: you have made your mind and there's no stopping you. You know what is best for yourself, and Donghyuck trusts you.

Set yourself free, Donghyuck whispers before he walks home. After that, please come back to me.

###

When you meet Jaemin ten hours before you leave, he's standing at the very same place Donghyuck was the day before. He's wearing a similar jacket, standing in a similar manner, looking just as beautiful against the water. The only thoughts running inside your head is how perfect they are.

"Jaemin."

Not even 'shooting star' anymore.

He turns at the call of his name, and you're still standing on both of your feet, but it feels like diving deep. His skin reflects the very same lights Donghyuck's did, but it looked kind of different — be it red or yellow, white or the shadows; everything looked midnight blue. It feels like standing on a cliff and almost tipping over, eternally almost tipping over and falling into blue nothingness.

Jaemin smiles, not happy but breaking. It makes you hold your breath.

He laughs, "Don't break my heart."

"In the next life." Because it's all that you could have. You return his smile, "I hope I deserve you in the next life."

His laughter rings in your ear, but it doesn't make you laugh at all; instead, it makes you want to sob or scream or just hurt, yet again, to savor the pain because he doesn't want you to but it's all he could give. It feels claustrophobic to align in a way that's everything meeting with your soulmate should be, with someone who's not your soulmate. Or you are indeed soulmates, but not the ones destined to be together like that. Just two wholes that compliment each other but are meant to be torn apart.

"I just said don't break my heart, what did you do?" He tries to crack a joke, walking the last step to be closer to you. He tilts his head in that charming way, "Why did I fall in love with you?"

"Hey, Jaem... you're not. Forget that. Love him." You shake your head, fixing the collar of his shirt, an excuse for one last guiltless touch. Your voice breaks, "He's my best friend. I love him more than the world."

And just as he is to me, I would rather let you go and make him happy, you smiled at yourself. I'd rather you make each other happy.

"I know." he croaks out, a fragile smile on his face. "In the next life?"

You try to imagine a life where Jaemin isn't haunting your thoughts; you can't. For a moment, you fear meeting someone else and not being able to love them because they're not him. You fear that they'd be kinder, softer, gentler than Jaemin and you won't be able to love them back because oh, Jaemin was just right; he was too much but in a way where it's just enough — Jaemin who looks at you like you hold galaxies, Jaemin who would risk the world, Jaemin who is with your best friend. The doomed play goes on and you think again of a life where he isn't what you desperately love, and realize that indeed, hopefully, in the next life.

In the next life, because this love feels right but it's not. In the next life, because it's painful but you'll love him still again and again and again until your stars finally agree.

"In the next life." You nod, fingers clenching on the straps of your bag. You look at the ocean ahead of you, and the lights it reflects, and then you close your eyes as you feel the wind.

"Until then, shooting star."

—

yellow tags 💛

coffee shop

untitled1

#nct dream one shot #jaemin oneshot #nct dream x reader #nct dream imagines #nct dream scenarios #jaemin fanfic #jaemin imagines #jaemin scenarios #also nahyuck #haechan x jaemin #platonic haechan x reader

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edgeofpages · 4 years

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'Goodnight Bookstore Blog' [책방일지] posted by 葉

Post #1

There's only one reason why I love winter.

The leaves that were covering my window have fallen so I can now see your window across the street. And because of Christmas and New Year's day you come back to this town and spend a few days here.

Post #2

Irene borrowed <The Wind in the Willows>

I hope she enjoys the books, but if not, so be it.

My favorite version of that book has Patrick Benson's illustrations.

But I shouldn't say this out loud around the books... since books and drawings have ears too.

The night is getting deep and I've talked too much.

Since the night time is a great time to talk.

Post #3

She's asleep right now, under the same roof as me.

She came into my room earlier and said the old lamp on my desk was beautiful. I suddenly felt a surge of happiness and wanted to get on my knees and hold her hands... and tell her how I felt about her but I didn't want to surprise her, so I just said, 'Thanks'.

Something unbelievable is bound to happen someday, everyone.

Post #4

At today's book club gathering, we chose our favorite quotes from poems and novels that fit with winter and shared them. She's adapting quite well to this book club. She sometimes reads the books that our members have already read. I began to wonder whether she gets curious about the person who reads that book. Then what type of book should I choose?

Post #5

I thought about what I said to Irene before. 'All first loves are past perfect.' Why did I say something like that? Thanks to the repair work at Hodu House, she and I are sharing the same space. If she asks me again, I can tell her... that most first loves are past perfect, but I'm the exception. That I haven't completed anything yet.

P.S. Irene brought home camellia flowers. I asked why, and she said they were her late dad's favorite flowers. She tells me about her family from time to time... and it feels like I'm getting closer to her.

Post #6

Tonight,

I want to read a book written by an unknown author.

Those precious stories that make us feel sorry since we can't pay royalties to an unknown author.

Stories written by unknown authors will continue to be published in the future. As long as we keep forgetting and the sense of losing something continues to exist.

Gosh, it's been a hectic day. Like walking on cloud all day. I want to say something but I need to do some more thinking.

Post #7

Irene told me, 'I like you.'

I froze in that spot and couldn't say anything. Is this what you call a time that feels like an eternity? With those words from her mouth, the whole universe, including me, came to stop.

I barely pulled myself together, but all I could say was, 'Okay.' What on earth have I done? It's such a bitter night.

Post #8

There are things you can see more clearly when you're alone. And it's not so bad to learn from loneliness.

The less you expect, the calmer your days are.

It's painful to genuinely want something. But I'm not without desire. I kissed Irene in the mountain.

I almost fainted. I can't joke about it anymore, which means it's serious.

She now lives behind my eyes.

Post #9

If I think about it, the Mugunghwa train was where it all started. It was an early autumn morning, and there were maple trees. She was standing there, where the morning train had come to a stop. How could I not fall in love? Actually, my history with Irene goes way back. When I was about ten, I bumped into her once. I thought Irene was a boy back then. That's right. We might've been together in many more pages than we thought.

Post #10

Goodnight Bookstore held its first public event. Irene was more or less our leader. I'm grateful to the book club members for all their hard work. In the pictures that captured their memories, they all look so happy that I almost feel jealous. Irene has became a lot more cheerful since she came here at the end of last year. Maybe it's just me, but she seems to laugh more often, and her darkness has faded. Every time she smiles, it's a dazzling sight.

#when the weather is fine #i'll find you on a beautiful day #날씨가좋으면찾아가겠어요 #seo kang joon

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way-veee · 5 years

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ineedyou

word count: 1.7k+

rating: m

genre: drama, mystery, smut, romance, sad

warnings: dark themes, smut, talk of suicide and depression

pairing: johnny x reader

pt.6

note: this is kinda long and sad but I also think its a really cute scene :)

you smile at johnny, he smiles back.

" thanks again for letting me borrow your clothes." you say when you walk out of the bathroom wearing one of johnnys black shirts.

"anytime" he smiles trying not to look at your bare legs. he loves looking at the way your messy hair falls on your shoulders and how his shirt falls against your thighs.

"johnny theres one more thing."

"yah?" he responds scared that you might ask to leave.

"do you have a pair of boxers or shorts I could wear? everything I have is soaked."

he knows you don't mean this sexually and he knows that he shouldn't trail his eyes up your legs. but now that you've admitted you have nothing on underneath, he does both of those things twice then responds meekly

"ya sure im just gonna go get a pair for you then." you nod in in gratitude as he stumbles into his room.

you really don't understand what all of his fussing is about. a few minutes later he comes back out into the dark hallway with a pair of purple silk shorts. you cock your head quizzically at the sight of them.

"oh, no these aren't..."

johnny backtracks unable to form cohesive words from embarrassment of having ladies shorts in his room.

"these are one of taeils old girlfriends, I found them and thought youd like something short. no- not that I want you to wear something short or that youd want too- I just.."

he gives up trying to answer and hands them over to you in defeat, his head hanging down. you can see that his ears are beet red so you don't say anything, instead you smile softly, take the shorts from him and close the door to the bathroom so you can change.

johnny rests his head on the door frame silently thanking himself for wearing dark colored sweats today. he still cant stop thinking about how sexy your legs look.

how much he wants to touch you and kiss you.

he cant stop thinking about how hard he is or how he probably wont be able to contain himself for the whole night. he stays there for a long time thinking about all those things until you emerge from the bathroom looking the exact same, just this time wearing shorts underneath. you have your clothes in bundle in your hands.

"my clothes are all wet and I was hoping to use your dryer." johnny smiles, but not for the same reason that you think.

" here i'll take them. it'll only take a few minutes."

"thanks"

you watch him disappear down the dorm hallway. you walk down the hallway in the opposite direction, looking around to see if anyone was there. oddly enough no one happened to be in the dorms. it was late at night so the other boys could be trapped wherever they happened to be when the storm hit.

you find the living room and sit down on the leather couch facing the television. it was eerily dark and quiet from the power outage, you suspected this evening contradicted every other at the dorms but you liked that nobody else was going to interrupt your night.

this made you smile slightly as you sit in the black of night in the living room. you look for candles, opening up random doors and cupboards until you find one that smells like gingerbread and one that smells like lavender. a weird combo you admit, it was even worse when you lit them but at least you can see.

the leather of the couch was so cold and your legs are rampant with goose bumps. theres no way that youll be able to sleep on this tonight without the heating system.

you turn your attention to the books on the glass coffee table in front of you. you grab a book with a black spine and a decent weight. you open it up and find out that its an author you know quite well. you start flipping through the pages never having had read the book. you hear johnnys footsteps near the couch,

"do you read kafka as well?" he questions surprised,

"a little bit, ive never seen this installment before though."

"oh its really fascinating, its about a man who wakes up one morning and gets arrested, he doesn't know why and no one will tell him."

johnny continues talking about the book, but instead of listening you watch him sit beside you on the couch. hes changed out of his grey sweater and into a form fitting white t shirt.

you know its not a big deal because he probably wears less clothing in front of thousands of people, and that regular people wear less clothing all the time. but this is the first time that youre seeing him without a sweater on.

you feel like the shirts not even there.

his arms bulge and you picture them lifting you up and holding you against a wall, you picture how is abs would feel under your touch and how his fingers would feel tangled in your hair.

you vibrate just from the thought. all of a sudden, your desire makes you shudder and johnny then stops talking.

"are you cold? I can get you a blanket or pants?"

"no its okay" you smile at his eagerness to make you feel at home.

"this couch is really cold though, I don't think i'll be able to sleep on it."

johnny knits his eyebrows in concern.

"well all of the boys always lock their doors so nobody else can raid the rooms and closets. I guess that only leaves my room."

he looks up at you for a second then looks down at the floor, his ears turning a blush colour.

holy shit, youre going to have to share a bed with johnny.

you've only met him twice counting todays encounter, which under normal circumstances would be a big red coloured flag. but the situation you two find yourself in is not normal.

you both feel an intimate connection, you both cry together and understand each other. then again looking at johnnys arms you believe there are other concerns as well.

"can you not sleep on the couch?" you question weakly.

"if the powerful y/n cant handle the conditions of my living room do we really think I have a chance?" you chuckle to yourself quietly.

hes funny now too? tonight is going to be so painfully long.

"okay I see your point. but I guess this leaves us.." you look up to johnny in question. hes still sitting hunched beside you, wading in confusion.

"I guess this leaves us both sleeping in my bed?" he says in a tone like hes trying not to yell, which you understand because youre silently doing the same thing.

"ok sure, I mean if you'll let me?"

he nods twice in your direction, not making eye contact.

"thanks again, youre being really nice to me. and I don't know why."

johnny finally makes eye contact relaxing his face. you think its the most beautiful face you've ever seen.

"y/n, you've helped me more than you know. I don't know if i'll ever be able to repay you."

your eyes soften, a light smile dances on your lips. johnny looks at you, thinking youre the most beautiful person hes ever seen. you don't say anything back because theres nothing you can say to johnny.

so you just stare at him instead, wondering why you haven't stared at him before.

"sometimes I feel like that man."

"who?" you respond confused.

"the man in franz kafka's book. sometimes I wake up and feel like ive been taken prisoner by something, I don't know what and I cant figure out why."

you look at his saddening face again. you want to hug him and kiss his tears away, but you haven't touched him since the fist time you met. youre scared to do it again.

"franz kafka never finished that book, so I sometimes like to imagine how the man would escape or if he even would." his eyes glisten with tears. "this is how I picture it."

you look up at johnny in wonder, how you ever ended up meeting someone as good and smart as him. its a miracle that you've been gifted someone like him when you know you don't deserve him. johnny collects his thoughts and starts to speak,

"im sitting in my jail cell with nothing, no possessions, books or friends. the door opens and I think its a guard with my dinner, but its not a guard. in fact its a girl with flowing hair and sparkling eyes.

she smiles at me and takes my hand. I don't know why, im a criminal in jail probably for a horrible crime.

but the girl saves me.

she leads me out passing all the guards. I look around in bewilderment because no one stops me. its probably because the girl is good, and they think I must be too if she thinks im worth saving.

so we leave the jail hand in hand, and I don't need any of the possessions I once had, or care about a lot of the things I had before. because I have her."

youre crying at this point but you couldn't care less. you look at johnny and he looks back at you, his eyes full of adornment and something you hope is close to desire.

"the girl was saved too." you say quietly into the candle light.

"the girl needed the boy too, for her own reasons, and he helped her escape too. he really did. not from a prison, but things that were just as confining."

johnny doesn't really believe that he helped you. how could anyone so calm and collected need fixing. then again his fans and friends probably thought the same way about him.

his heart swells, johnny knows he shouldnt try to touch you or kiss you. then again he also knows that he needs you.

from the way you talk, to how you comfort him and tell subtle jokes, he knows that hes falling for you. and if any part about you needing him is true, well he better take his chances even if the room smells like burnt cookies and rotten flowers.

he takes a deep breath and leans forward looking at your plump lips and rosy skin. all too suddenly johnny kisses you.

his lips are so soft. softer than a marshmallow or a pillow. theyre unlike any lips you've ever kissed before.

his lips move against yours tentatively.

you chuckle slightly, because you want him to do the opposite.

you rub your lips against his and warm heat shoots right into you. you deepen the kiss and he follows. moaning into the kiss as his soft tongue explores your mouth.

you hop into his lap to get a better angle. you cant help yourself and bite onto his lower lip, pushing your teeth into his soft flesh.

he smiles into the kiss growling in a low tone. you two stay there for a while. youre not really sure how long because your head is spinning and your body is pulsating.

“fuck,” you moan into his mouth as your hips rub against his hard cock, you haven't really thought about "it" before, but "it" was definitely better than expected.

you smile giddy from kissing him, and possibly about what this could lead to.

“wait.”

you say, pushing him off. your train of thought wrecking the heated moment.

that's just it, what this could lead to. were you ready?

was he? (he definitely looked and felt like he was but still).

“I- I cant, this is really fast, um..” you look at the ground mad and embarrassed at yourself for not being able to do this. he looks at you intensely,

“its not you at all, im just not sure im ready for this..” you look at johnny all too disappointed in yourself.

“have you ever?” he questions in a high pitched voice from confusion.

you smile at how naïve he could be.

“oh you have no idea,” you smirk into his face still inches away from yours.

“ but right now I cant.”

you frown, mad at yourself. its not that johnny isn't amazing or that youre not attracted to him. you just cant take that next step until youre sure. you promised her and yourself this, you trust yourself enough to believe that youre making the right choice.

“right, no of course. we only go as far as your comfortable.” johnny says seriously, you know that he respects you and your choices which comforts you even more.

“is this still okay?” he gestures to you sitting on his lap, legs hiked up, his hand on your lower back. you laugh slightly and nod.

“is it also okay if I ask why?”

he says softly, his hand starting to rub your back in slow circles. you wonder whether you should say yes or no.

you've never told anyone, but you trust johnny.

“yes.” you whisper. here goes nothing.

“okay, umm, picture this, youre with someone who you think is perfect.”

johnny nods, knowing exactly what that feels like.

“imagine that youre with them all the time, you talk to them and laugh with them, you share everything possible with them. and you also love and cherish them more than you ever thought possible.

you think everything is going good because it really is. and youre so contempt that you've found your one person to be with forever, everything is great, so great.

well then imagine, one day you come home, waiting for them so you can talk and laugh and tell them everything all over again. but they don't come back.”

you cant feel the tears because your face is numb from sadness, but you know that theyre there because you hear them hit the wood floor.

“so you wait and wait, you don't sleep all night because you want to believe that they'll come back, and hug you and love you like all the nights before. but deep down you know that they wont,

because they cant.

you don't sleep again for along time, you don't think about anything for along time and all of your everything's pile up because you have no one to share them with.

imagine that that person took the best parts of you with them, because they brought out the best in you. it makes sense because you were only ever theirs.

on your restless nights you made a pact with yourself to never share everything with anyone ever again.

because nobody would be them.”

you look into johnnys sullen eyes wondering if they feel as heavy as your heart.

“johnny, I like you. even though I barely know you, I like you a whole lot. I think eventually i'll be able to be happy with you if you'll wait for me, im just not ready to give her up yet.

I never will, but right now its bad johnny, and I really wanna be with you. but I just cant give her up. not yet...

I need her.”

johnny suddenly hugs you in the warmest hug you've had in a long time. it fills you up pushing some of the sadness away. you cry into his shoulder.

you cry lightly, smalls sobs escape whenever you breath in too deeply. johnny doesn't say anything for a long time, this comforts you because you couldn't reply.

“I don't know what youre going through but it sounds awful. one thing I do know though, is that you have so many good parts of you still here, too many maybe, but hey.”

you laugh through your quieted sobs.

“you are so perfect here right now in this moment, and in the next and in the last. also,

I don't mind waiting, i'll wait forever, as long as I get to be near you, as long as your happy i'll survive.”

you hug him so tightly you think your arms are going to fall off. you cant believe he’d wait for you. the thought of someone being there for you is so amazingly reassuring you almost laugh.

“thanks,” you whisper into his broad back. he doesn't say anything but you can feel him smile into your hair. you hold him until you stop shaking from the cold and sadness.

finally you unlatch from your embrace and stare into his beautiful face.

“what was her name?”

he says softly not wanting to speak over the light silence of the living room.

“jisoo.”

you whisper lightly, thinking about how beautiful she was inside and out.

you think about her smile and her soft voice. you think about the beautiful letters that make up her name and how when you first met her you couldn't stop saying it.

“that's a beautiful name” he states. you nod and chuckle wiping the tears out of your puffy eyes.

“it really is.”

you sit beside him, watching the candle light flicker.

“can we go to bed?” you almost inaudibly whisper.

johnny nods grabbing your hand to lead you to his bedroom. you admire how pretty his fingers looks wrapped around yours, at how perfect his arm muscles look trailing under his t shirt.

“here we are,” he gestures to his small room, with a bed barely big enough for two, a simple desk light and table in the corner of the room.

you sit on his bed almost sighing from how soft his blankets feel. you are so exhausted and don't protest when johnny lowers himself onto the bed beside you and pulls up the covers.

the sheets are cold and you soundlessly start shivering. johnny silently pulls you into himself so his knees are pressing into the backs of your legs and his arm drapes over your stomach, he hugs you into him. hes so warm.

“I never want to go back to my own bed when I know I could be here with you.” you whisper into his arm.

“the boys would be hassle though, never let us hear the end of it. if youre okay with that and minimal sleep because of the sound of eight other teenage boys then?”

you laugh from your belly.

“imagine,”

he laughs too, imagining it all too clearly. you snuggle in closer to him.

“im excited to run away from prison with you.” you lightly tease.

“hey hey remember whose bed youre generously being let sleep in before you mock a person!”

“ don't worry, I remember exactly.”

you feel him smile against your curled spine. you've never fallen asleep smiling before, but you figure today was a good day to start.

pt. 7

#nct #nctjohnny #johnnysmut #nctsmut #slowburn #pornwithplot #johnnyxy/n #johnnyau #nctau #johnnyboyfriendmaterial

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astrovksoni · 6 years

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How to start right in astronomy?

"DEAR friends today we discuss about that how can we start right in astronomy." I have always been fascinated with the stars and universe. What would you suggest my first step be to get into the hobby, so that I might get the most enjoyment out of it?"

It's a good question, one that deserves better answers than most beginners find. Many newcomers to astronomy call us in exasperation after blundering down some wrong trail that leaves them lost and frustrated. Such experiences, widely shared, create a general public impression that astronomy is a tough hobby to get into. But this impression is altogether wrong and unnecessary.

Many other hobbies that have magazines, conventions, and vigorous club scenes have developed effective ways to welcome and orient beginners. Why can't we? For starters, novice astronomers would have more success if a few simple, well-chosen direction signs were posted for them at the beginning of the trail.

What advice would help beginners the most? Sky & Telescope editors brainstormed this question. Pooling thoughts from more than 200 years of collective experience answering the phone and mail, we came up with a number of pointers to help newcomers past the pitfalls and onto the straightest route to success.

1. Ransack your public library. Astronomy is a learning hobby. Its joys come from intellectual discovery and knowledge of the cryptic night sky. But unless you live near an especially large and active astronomy club, you have to make these discoveries, and gain this knowledge, by yourself. In other words, you need to become self-taught.

The public library is the beginner's most important astronomical tool. Maybe you found Sky & Telescopethere. Comb through the astronomy shelf for beginner's guides. Look for aids to learning the stars you see in the evening sky. One of the best is the big two-page sky map that appears near the center of every month's Sky & Telescope, which the library should have. When a topic interests you, follow it up in further books.

Many people's first impulse, judging from the phone calls, is to look for someone else to handle their education -- an evening course offering, a planetarium, or some other third party. These can be stimulating and helpful. But almost never do they present what you need to know right now, and you waste an enormous amount of time commuting when you should be observing. Self-education is something you do yourself, with books, using the library.

2. Learn the sky with the naked eye. Astronomy is an outdoor nature hobby. Go into the night and learn the starry names and patterns overhead. Sky & Telescope will always have its big, round all-sky map for evening star-finding. Other books and materials will fill in the lore and mythology of the constellations the map shows, and how the stars change through the night and the seasons. Even if you go no further, the ability to look up and say "There's Arcturus!" will provide pleasure, and perhaps a sense of place in the cosmos, for the rest of your life.

3. Don't rush to buy a telescope. Many hobbies require a big cash outlay up front. But astronomy, being a learning hobby, has no such entrance fee. Conversely, paying a fee will not buy your way in.

Thinking otherwise is the most common beginner's mistake. Half the people who call for help ask, "How do I see anything with this %@&*# telescope?!" They assumed that making a big purchase was the essential first step.

It doesn't work that way. To put a telescope to rewarding use, you first need to know the constellations as seen with the naked eye, be able to find things among them with sky charts, know something of what a telescope will and will not do, and know enough about the objects you're seeking to recognize and appreciate them.

The most successful, lifelong amateur astronomers are often the ones who began with the least equipment. What they lacked in gear they had to make up for in study, sky knowledge, map use, and fine-tuning their observing eyes. These skills stood them in good stead when the gear came later.

Is there a shortcut? In recent years computerized, robotic scopes have come on the market that point at astronomical objects automatically. They represent an enormous change. No longer do you need to know the sky.

Once fully set up, a computerized scope is a lot faster than the old way of learning the sky and using a map -- assuming you know what's worth telling the computer to point at. But they're expensive, and opinions about them are divided. For beginners, at least, there's some consensus that a computerized scope can be a crutch that prevents you from learning to get around by yourself and will leave you helpless if anything goes wrong. Moreover, you miss out on the pleasures of making your own journeys through the heavens.

At star parties beneath gorgeous black, star-sprinkled skies, we have seen beginners struggling for hours with electronics when they should have been sweeping the heavens overhead. Is this just the carping of old fogeys? The jury is still out.

4. Start with binoculars. A pair of binoculars is the ideal "first telescope," for several reasons. Binoculars show you a wide field, making it easy to find your way around; a higher-power telescope magnifies only a tiny, hard-to-locate spot of sky. Binoculars give you a view that's right-side up and straight in front of you, making it easy to see where you're pointing. An astronomical telescope's view is upside down, sometimes mirror-imaged, and usually presented at right angles to the line of sight. Binoculars are also fairly inexpensive, widely available, and a breeze to carry and store.

And their performance is surprisingly respectable. Ordinary 7- to 10-power binoculars improve on the naked-eye view about as much as a good amateur telescope improves on the binoculars. In other words they get you halfway there for something like a tenth to a quarter of the price -- an excellent cost-benefit ratio.

For astronomy, the larger the front lenses are the better. High optical quality is important too. But anybinocular that's already knocking around the back of your closet is enough to launch an amateur-astronomy career.

5. Get serious about maps and guidebooks. Once you have the binoculars, what do you do with them? You can have fun looking at the Moon and sweeping the star fields of the Milky Way, but that will wear thin after a while. However, if you've learned the constellations and obtained detailed sky maps, binoculars can keep you busy for a lifetime.

They'll reveal most of the 109 "M objects," the star clusters, galaxies, and nebulae cataloged by Charles Messier in the late 18th century. Binoculars will show the ever-changing positions of Jupiter's satellites and the crescent phase of Venus. On the Moon you can learn dozens of craters, plains, and mountain ranges by name. You can split scores of colorful double stars and spend years following the fadings and brightenings of variable stars. If you know what to look for.

A sailor of the seas needs top-notch charts, and so does a sailor of the stars. Fine maps bring the fascination of hunting out faint secrets in hidden sky realms. Many reference books describe what's to be hunted and the nature of the objects you find. Moreover, the skills you'll develop using maps and reference books with binoculars are exactly the skills you'll need to put a telescope to good use.

6. Find other amateurs. Self-education is fine as far as it goes, but there's nothing like sharing an interest with others. There are more than 400 astronomy clubs in North America alone; see the directory on Sky & Telescope's Web site. Call the clubs near you. Maybe you'll get invited to monthly meetings or nighttime star parties and make a lot of new friends. Clubs range from tiny to huge, from moribund to vital. But none would have published a phone number unless they hoped you would call.

Computer networks offer another way to contact other amateurs. CompuServe, America Online, and the Internet all have active astronomy areas. These present a constant flow of interesting news and chatter by amateurs who are quick to offer help, opinions, and advice.

7. When it's time for a telescope, plunge in deep.Eventually you'll know you're ready. You'll have spent hours poring over books and ad brochures. You'll know the different kinds of telescopes, what you can expect of them, and what you'll do with the one you pick.

This is no time to scrimp on quality; shun the flimsy, semi-toy "department store" scopes that may have caught your eye. The telescope you want has two essentials. One is a solid, steady, smoothly working mount. The other is high-quality optics -- "diffraction-limited" or better. You may also want large aperture (size), but don't forget portability and convenience. The telescope shouldn't be so heavy that you can't tote it outdoors, set it up, and take it down reasonably easily. The old saying is true: "The best telescope for you is the one you'll use the most.

Can't afford it? Save up until you can. Another year of using binoculars while building a savings account will be time you'll never regret. It's foolish to blow half-accumulated telescope money on something second rate that will disappoint. Or consider building the scope yourself, an activity that many clubs support.

8. Lose your ego. Astronomy teaches patience and humility -- and you'd better be prepared to learn them. There's nothing you can do about the clouds blocking your view, the extreme distance and faintness of the objects you desire most, or the timing of the long-anticipated event for which you got all set up one minute late. The universe will not bend to your wishes; you must take it on its own terms.

Most of the objects within reach of any telescope, no matter how large or small it is, are barely within its reach. Most of the time you'll be hunting for things that appear very dim, small, or both. If flashy visuals are what you're after, go watch TV.

"Worthiness" is the term entering the amateur language for the humble perseverance that brings the rewards in this hobby. The term was coined by Ken Fulton, author of The Light-Hearted Astronomer(1984) -- a book describing the hobby as a jungle full of snares, quicksand, and wild beasts that only those with the spiritual skills of a martial artist can traverse unmauled. It's really not that bad -- but there are definitely times when a Zen calmness will help you through.

9. Relax and have fun. Part of losing your ego is not getting upset at your telescope because it's less than perfect. Perfection doesn't exist, no matter what you paid. Don't be compulsive about things like cleaning lenses and mirrors or the organization of your observing notebook.

And don't feel compelled to do "useful work" right away. Ultimately, the most rewarding branches of amateur astronomy involve scientific data collecting -- venturing into the nightly wilderness to bring home a few bits of data that will advance humanity's knowledge of the universe in some tiny but real way. Such a project often marks the transformation from "beginner" to "advanced amateur," from casual sightseer to cosmic fanatic. But it only works for some people, and only when they're good and ready.

Amateur astronomy should be calming and fun. If you find yourself getting wound up over your eyepiece's aberrations or Pluto's invisibility, take a deep breath and remember that you're doing this because you enjoy it. Take it only as fast or as slow, as intense or as easy, as is right for you.

#astro_vksoni #astronomy #astrophysicist #astrophysics #cosmologist #cosmology #cosmos #multiverse #physicist #physicists #physics #scientist #space #spacetime #time #universe #science

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