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#iwillkillyou
misamixa · 2 years
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how about no.
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rapports-de-combat · 2 days
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Iɴᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟɪsᴇᴅ Cᴀᴛɢɪʀʟ Mɪsᴏɢʏɴʏ Wʜᴀᴛ Tʜᴇ Fᴜᴄᴋ Is Gᴏɪɴɢ Oɴ
previous ( 1, 2, 3 )
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"I assume no one has informed you of our current...peculiar predicaments?" —@perdicinae-observer
"You. Stupid. Connard. Your indulgence in self pity costed that poor kind soul Duroc his arms. You endangered half of the marshalate. What were you even thinking?! Were you even thinking you stupid useless piece of shit?" —@le-brave-des-braves
"DONT WHACK YOU WHACK FUCKING WHACK DARE WHACK HURT WHACK HIM WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK IWILLKILLYOU!" —@your-dandy-king
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As Ney slaps Bessières, what looks like smoke puffs out from where her hand makes contact. He staggers back, clutching his face, eyes wide, pizza boxes falling to the floor. His hand reaches under his cloak, but before he can respond- A tall beautiful Amazonian woman starts committing violence apparently on his behalf. Bessières takes one moment to take this in, before anger and chivalry force his hand. He pulls out his saber and raises it, intending to draw people's attention- but as he does so, his cloak flutters open, revealing that his body... He is dressed in the green and red uniform of the colonel of the Chasseurs à cheval de la Garde impériale, yes, but it seems he is in danger of evaporating with wisps of dark smoke and small red embers emanating from his body. What look like indistinct smokey words write themselves across his form, words of regret and intimacy and anxiety. And, around all of that, he appears to be held together by an unnaturally long golden chain wrapped around his torso, ending in a closed pocketwatch dangling over his heart.
Bessières: Stop this madness right now!
His eyes catch the light, and the usually polite and reserved man's voice is loud and animated with offense and disbelief. Though whether he can be heard over the fight is hard to say.
Bessières: I don't know what is going on but I do know that I can very well defend myself or seek my own satisfaction, Mada-
And then he suddenly is struck by an awful realisation. What is it that the quiet lady with the glasses said about being "fellow marshals" and "peculiar predicaments"? There is only one marshal who wears glasses.
Bessières: ... Davout?
... Ney? ... JOACHIM MURAT..?!
Petiet: What should we do..?! Brun: ... Normally I'd say we get the marshal but the Maréchale was rather insistent they do not be disturbed. Lameth: We either eat popcorn or we disappear, I say~ And I am feeling rather curious about what would happen if one of us read that strange magical letter! Saint-Chamans: Let's go look at the letter and leave the big hats to sort themselves out!
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1billiongecs · 4 months
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fuck my parents i hope they kill themselves @stove #actually #iwillkillyou #imupset #stophavingsexineedtotakemyestrogen
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visides · 7 months
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#iwillkillyou #ifuckinghaditwithyou
#lgbtq+
#call911ifyoudare
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chickensarentcheap · 2 years
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Tyler stuff :)
@tragiclyhip​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @secretaryunpaid​
Now to finish my chapter! Sooooo close.
I’ve seen Kota drive.  She’s not laughing out of enjoyment. That is fuelled out of pure terror.
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If the kids start scraping before she’s finished her first tea of the day, she just sits back and let’s them fight to the death.
#onlythestrongsurvivethishouse
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Would someone please take my wife’s pinterest away? I am begging you.  Put me out of this misery.
#gunmouthnow
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Totally milk drunk.  That boob juice is some good shit.
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Yeah, he looks cute, right? Well five seconds after I took this, he yelled ‘mum! dad! I got sand in my ass crack!’
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The hotel has a chin up bar above the master suite door.  She wanted to try it. I actually had to lift her up to reach it.  So we had a ‘chin up showdown’
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She didn’t win.  But she’s cute so I won’t rub my victory in. Not too hard, anyway.
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Guess who’s all doped up on pre-op meds and is soon heading down to get her insides taken out?
She’s hilarious as all hell.  I’m scared AF.
#closingupshop #precancerouscells #hysterectomy  #loveyoubabe #itsallgonnabealright
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That’s one hell of a view.
I guess the water and rocks and whatever aren’t too bad either.
#lookatthatass. #lookdon’ttouch #IWILLkillyou
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We start ‘em young here
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Not sure what she’s got going on here, but okay.
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When your kids wants to be Ninja Warriors one day so you transform part of the basement for their training.  Tanner’s sensory area on the other side.
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Just me and this little bloke today.
#damncute #Idogoodwork
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“Do you think you could sit still for just a bit? Maybe half an hour? I need a break.”
Brookie: “That’s ‘cause you’re old.”
Savage.
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arcfish · 3 years
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The Fledgling Assassin: Good Boy, Nice Girl Comic 10 - A Small Gesture
Is the art style better? I think it's better.
http://arc.fish/the-fledgling-assassin/
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mikanpo · 4 years
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you lied to me.. YOU LIED TO ME! you passed it off as a joke but it was NOT a joke, who is influcencing you, who is telling you to lie.. ill get rid of her for you, please just love me.. or die so you cant love anyone else
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gypsygirlwrites · 4 years
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Guess what!!
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It is possible to use metal garden stakes as throwing spears.
Side note: Everyone at the barn knows not to fuck with me. Ever.
Side note 2: yes I speared a 'peace tea' can. That's how I roll.
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sleeping-satan · 5 years
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I caught this golden boy while next to my boyfriend and started flipping out. He called me a nerd but how can he not understand It's a Shiny Charmander.
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realpouet · 5 years
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• oopsi. #cup #strip #periods #drawings #digitaldrawing #vénère #iwillkillyou https://www.instagram.com/p/BqHx5xqh385/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vnqzdimq24a0
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hasibond-blog · 3 years
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This pony is fricking 38 years old . o.o I am scared she is way too energetic when food is coming #givemefood #iwillkillyou #omgrunforyourlife #oldgrannyrunnig #stillactinglikeafoal #lüleck https://www.instagram.com/p/BFC4W_mRTZXmljwC87h5ohwbww_VPRtnE45KSQ0/?igshid=11b3jj8phwsxz
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thisismrforbes · 4 years
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I’m #intelligent. I spend 98% of time dumbing down for the few around me. I’m not #remorseful as i used to be #BackInTheDay. I would hide my smarts. Well I’ve also went through a #phase where others would try and use me. And some were #succecssful but I later learned that I must use me. #fuckthem, they must #PayMe and so I became greater without a choice but rather #naturally. This #staggered those who already had a hold on me. When someone is using you they don’t want you to become better because then they lose what little #control or #illusion thereof that they have on you. Soon you get to where you feel your back is against the wall. And make a #vow to yourself never to fail like that again. And is someone gets close to #captivating you then they certainly tried hard and #suggestively you will #DoubleDown on your #VowToSelf & protect your #Peace with your #Life. Results: You become unsparing of theirs. #FuckYou! #IWillKillYou #TreadLightly 🖕🏾 (at Little Haiti) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCxj9DUBxJy/?igshid=1uo51wz3n7hw1
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chickensarentcheap · 2 years
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Tyler stuff :) NSFW mention
@innerpaperexpertcloud​, @tragiclyhip​, @secretaryunpaid​
The wife knows exactly what she wants and how much of it. Which is why I’m all the way over here instead of helping her.  I’m just here to carry heavy shit, keep her company, and get things off the high shelves. Old bloke in the pic has just walked up to her and started mansplaining. Don’t do it, mate. Don’t do it.  At least not if you like your balls attached to your body.
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After thirteen years, we don’t put much effort into our flirting game anymore. I mean, we already landed each other.  Neither of us are going anywhere. 
But I appreciate the effort to get into my pants, babe ;)
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I came home with cupcakes, but they were all sold out of her favourite kind and when your wife is eight months pregnant and hormonal AF,  no excuse or explanation is acceptable.   Right now she’s in shock.  Give it a few seconds and she’ll burst into tears. 
I’m no rookie.
#sendhelp
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Now this is some quality entertainment right here
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That is NOT water in that glass
#longdaywiththekidsbabe?
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A little Zoom time for me and the missus.  Not expected to be gone long, but it still sucks being away from her and the hooligans.  God she’s cute.
#homesick  #gettingtoooldforthisshit
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A fancy night out with a client and his spouse.  He’s getting a little too close to mine for my liking. 
#dontmakemebeatyourass #whatabeauty
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She’s playing the parts of mummy bunny and baby bunny number one.  I have to be everyone else. And I’m expected to do different voices for each. Anything less is unacceptable.
*cracks knuckles* Let’s do this.
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It’s going to take her ten minutes just to slide off that stool.
#readytopop
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Way back when:  Just under a year into my recovery from that douche bag Nathan.  I was finally given the green light to completely weight bare on my right leg and told to try and walk without crutches or the cane.   Little miss and I would take strolls together.  All the way down to the end of the road to check the mail and back again.  Took forever.  But she didn’t give a shit how slow moving I was. She just sat in her stroller, looking cute and babbling and giggling away.
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Some time on the waves with The Ginger
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“Dad! You gotta come and see Mac!”
*heads outside, thinking the hairy old bloke got into some messy shit or got bitten by something or is eating goat shit again or has gone toe to toe with a kangaroo*
So that’s where my new Ray -Bans went. 
#heisstylin’tho
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One of the days I’ve feared has finally come.  Where teenage boys, young men, and even OLDER men are coming onto my baby girl.  When I’m in close enough vicinity to hear and see them.
I’m going to be busting a lot of heads.
She’s TWELVE. 
GROWN  MEN are flirting with her and trying to pick her up.
#Iwillkillyou
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My wife: “If you’re going to take a picture of me in a bathing suit, take it while I’m lying down. Things spread out and I look flatter and skinnier that way.”
Just for that, I’m taking a picture of her butt ass naked later.
Added bonus: cute kid in cool shades
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She’s just standing there. Watching me. With that expression on her face.
I don’t know what I did, but I feel like I should just start apologizing and hope for the best.
#hotwife #whopissedinhercornflakes?
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Esme: “TJ, why is the snowman’s arm so low?”
TJ: “That’s not his arm, mumma. That’s his dick.”
Long awkward silence. The wife staring at me.
TJ:  “And I didn’t put it there. Dad did.”
#threwmerightunderthebus #outofthewill
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Me:  What’s up your ass this morning?
Her:  You cheated on me last night.
Me: What the hell are you talking about? I was home all night.  With you.
Her:  In my dream.  You banged another woman.  I kicked you in the balls and made you cry.  But I’m still mad at you.
Me: (unfazed, drying off from a shower, cheekily waving my cock at her). Would something else up your ass cheer you up?
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projecx · 4 years
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#iWillKillYou #SATAN #THATSMICHAELSJOB ! (at Albuquerque, New Mexico) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6GUSW9gG4C/?igshid=dqhnq4znrvr2
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yeothemark · 7 years
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Only smut fics of mark tuan should appear when you search this. I DO NOT ALLOW MARK LEE SMUT. I will fight you if you post one
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mikeyslifeondisplay · 6 years
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#trust #iamnottheone #iwillkillyou
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