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borhap-au · 3 years

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Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

“You’d be better off with someone else”

Despite thinking long and hard, you weren’t able to answer the question “what you like the most about yourself,” because the truth was, there wasn’t such a thing. You hated your looks and your personality and your insecurity and… well, everything. The only good thing you found in your life was your relationship with Joe. He was a great boyfriend, very patient and understanding, but also loving and gentle. You loved spending your time with him – that is of course until the insecurity kicks in and ruin all the fun for you. You looked at him – a handsome, attractive man with a great sense of humor and amazing personality – and you couldn’t believe you dated him. But what you couldn’t believe even more, is why he dated you. In your opinion, he could’ve had any girl. He was charming, interesting and famous. There wasn’t a bad quality about him that you knew about. And yet he chose you, a “walking disaster,” as you liked to call yourself. And from that insecurity (and only from it, because Joe gave you no reason to think that) stem the idea that he will soon realize how bad you are, and how much better he can do, and he will leave you. So to save yourself some of the pain, you slowly started to distance yourself from him to make it easier later. It didn’t escape his attention.

You were sitting on a couch, watching a movie, but it wasn’t the usual scenario. Before, you would be snuggling to him and he would be petting your back. Right now, you were sitting at a distance, focusing on the movie instead of your boyfriend. He noticed.

“Y/N?” He looked at you concerned. “Did something happen?” He knew he had to be careful around you when you were feeling down. You were very fragile and he didn’t want to do anything to accidentally make it worse.

“No, why?” You looked at him for a short while and then came back to watching the movie. He moved closer to you and put his arm around you. You didn’t object, but your body was visibly tense.

“Are you sure? You seem a little different tonight,” he, on the other hand, paid no attention to the movie. He was completely focused on you.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lied. It wasn’t a comfortable situation for you either. You missed his touch, but when you finally got it, you felt like you didn’t deserve it, like he should be with someone else right now, someone better than you. So you felt guilty for wasting his time.

“What’s with the distance then? And the sudden urge to watch the movie? We’ve seen it twice already, you never paid much attention to it,” he explained, but in truth, it wasn’t just about tonight. He felt your change of behavior much earlier than that, but for a while he thought it was just a phase that would soon pass.

“Third time’s a charm. I thought since we watched it so many times already, it would be nice to see the full movie at least once, to know what it is about,” he nodded at your answer. It sounded reasonable and you felt even worse about lying now that he believed in it.

He let it go for some time. Later that evening, you were making dinner and he came up to you, hug you from behind and started kissing your neck, as he usually did, to make your cooking a more pleasant experience. Usually you stopped, at least for some time, to enjoy his touch, but tonight you just continued making the meal ignoring his affection. You even moved away, trying to reach some ingredients, without minding his embrace. He stepped back.

“What is it this time?” he asked knowing very well it was never about the movie. He looked at you hurt and disappointed, but more in himself than in you. He hated the fact he couldn’t help you feel better.

“It’s nothing, really. I’m just really hungry, want to make the food quickly,” lies again. He didn’t fall for it twice, but he nodded his head, knowing you won’t tell him. You sighed seeing that. You didn’t want your last days together to be like that. You wanted him to have nice memories of you. “Don’t worry, Joey,” you muttered quietly while coming back to cooking. “The next girl will treat you better.”

“What?” he raised his brow, not believing what he just heard. “My next what?”

“Next girlfriend,” you repeated, not looking at him.

“Where did that come from? Why would I want another girlfriend?” he asked, visibly confused. He definitely didn’t expect to hear that.

“You know, someone who’s worthy of you. Someone… Who isn’t me,” it wasn’t easy to say, but it resonated in your mind for some time now. You believed wholeheartedly that you weren’t good enough for him.

“If my future girlfriend isn’t you, then I don’t want her,” you smiled under your breath hearing that. It was very sweet of him to say that.

“Joey, we both know you deserve so much better than me. Prettier, skinnier, smarter and funnier,” you said, trying to smile, but it wasn’t easy. “You deserve someone who will make you happy, instead of constantly getting you down. You deserve someone around who you won’t have to mind your words. A relationship in which you can be yourself, unapologetically, without always doing something for the other person.”

“I am unapologetically myself around you. It doesn’t bother me that you feel down sometimes. I mean of course, it’s a problem in a sense I would immediately want to make you feel better and I don’t like when you’re sad, but it’s not a thing that would make me break up with you, ever,” he held your hand to show you he means it.

“Baby, you can have a girl that’s so much prettier than me. And sexier. What about your friend? Or my cousin, you know which one,” you said and he laughed softly.

“Really, girly? You’re going to advertise me other women?” he smiled and pet your cheek. “I don’t want any other type of figure or any other type of beauty. I want your beauty. Why do you think I’m not capable of making my own decisions? I’m pretty grown up actually. I know you and I love what I know. I fell in love with you and not anyone else. And I’m very content with my choice. So let me have what I want, okay?”

“You will soon realize how awful I am and change your mind. Just wait, I know you will. And I don’t want to be around to have my heart broken when that happens,” he sighed hearing that and took his hand away.

“Really? You think I’m so moody that I would break up the happiest relationship I’ve ever had because of a whim? We don’t fight, we have mutual goals and we love each other. Why would anything change if it’s all so good? I like it now, I want to see no changes apart from you being happier and more confident in this relationship, because we… Well, we love each other still, right? I mean, do you love me?”

“Of course I do. I would be a fool not to love you,” you answered.

“That’s exactly how I feel about you. I love you, and I want to be with you and you only. You’re perfect for me, no one else is,” he reassured you. You sighed.

“I’m not perfect,” you muttered, and he came to you and hugged you tightly.

“You’re perfect for me. There are girls who have other qualities, maybe they have something that you want, but for me, you’re all I need. You have all the qualities I want in a girlfriend. You say there are skinnier girls? Girls that feel happier more often? Maybe. But at the same time I’m sure they would be annoying, or bossy, or whatever else. They have other qualities, sure. Qualities I don’t need. I chose you with my sane mind. I knew who you are and I chose you. Now I got to know you even better and I would still choose you, every time,” you hugged him tightly and started crying quietly.

“Even if I’m so boring…?” you muttered quietly.

“You’re not boring,” he reassured you, petting your back. “Actually, you’re fascinating to me. I love listening to you, especially when you’re passionate about something. It’s just so entertaining to watch. And I love looking at you, because you’re just my type. You have such a unique type of beauty, it’s so hard to find someone like you. And I found everything I ever needed in you.”

“What if you find someone better?” you didn’t look up saying that.

“Better from perfect? I don’t think so. I don’t know how I can explain that to you in other words, but life is not about being skinny, having perfect hair and clothes. For me relationships aren’t about that. That actress that you like so much? If I were with her you would probably think “that’s what he deserves,” meanwhile I would be suffocating in that relationship. Because she wouldn’t want to spend time with me like we do together, she would have other priorities, she wouldn’t get my sense of humor or whatever else. Your personality is perfect for me. So is your body, but I assume you won’t believe in that yet. But it’s true. So please, don’t push me away. Having this distance between us is a torture, really. Please, let us both be happy. Just be with me, and I’ll try to do anything I can to appreciate you like you should be appreciated. Can you do that for me?” You slowly nodded your head and only then looked him in the eyes. He smiled at you and kissed your lips softly.

“You’re sure you don’t want anyone else?” you asked after the kiss.

“I’m sure. Can you please stop asking me this question? I want you and you only. Did I ever do anything to make you feel otherwise?”

“No…,” you muttered quietly.

“So, please, don’t overthink it. If I had anything new to say to you, I would just say it, I wouldn’t expect you to learn that from some signs I’d give you. Really, I love you, and I will continue to love you, even if you break up with me. But please, don’t. I’m crazy about you,” he smiled, petting your cheek. You stood on your toes and kissed him softly. He kissed you back.

“Thank you,” you smiled after the kiss.

“Don’t thank me for that. And come on, you were hungry. We got to finish the meal,” said and this time he actually helped you out, not just by kisses. Although he planted some on your head and shoulder, because without them, it just wouldn’t be the same.

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angrylizardjacket · 5 years

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the things we do for likes {Joe Mazzello/Reader/Ben Hardy}

Anon asked: lol ben and joe having instagram wars on who can post the most embarrassing content of reader

A/N: again, written on my phone because the writing demon possessed me at 2am. I'm probs gonna have this as a series akin to B/R/R, aka disconnected vignettes in the same universe. Lemme know if you wanna be tagged. A case of the mondays is a McElroy reference, before you ask. 😊😊

It starts when Joe wakes up to an empty bed and noises coming from the kitchen; noises being footsteps, a loud bang, and some half coherent swearing. There's silence for a moment, then the opening and closing of the fridge. As soon as he's got his wits about him and realises it's just you in the other room, he opens his phone.

"So I wake up to no girlfriend and noises in the kitchen," Joe says after a minute of searching through his closet for his baseball bat, ready to film a bit for his Instagram. As he makes his way to the kitchen now, he holds the bat in frame, "I'm ready to rescue her if it's robbers." He assured the camera, voice still quiet and rough with sleep. Once he gets to the kitchen, however, he stops dead at the sight before him. There's a very long couple of seconds where all that the camera catches is his surprise.

"Why do you have a bat?" Your voice is muffled, as if you're speaking around something, and that's when Joe seems to remember he's filming, he changes to his front facing camera and turns on his phone light, exposing the fact that you're sitting cross legged on the kitchen island, eating a banana with a carton of juice in your other hand. You hiss at the light, arm coming up to sheild your eyes. The light doesn't move, and after a beat you shift your arm so he can see your face scrunched up where you're squinting at him, clearly unhappy about this intrusion into your snacking time. You take another bite of banana.

"Why are you on the counter?" He breathes, a little flabbergasted, and you chew, looking down at where you're seated, as if it's only just occurred to you that it's not exactly a normal chair. After a beat, you shrug, and raise the juice carton to your lips taking a long swig. You were so focused, so deliberate, and so obviously tired and half asleep that Joe couldn't help but laugh.

"Seriously, why do you have a bat?" And you finished the banana and put the peel down beside you with far more delicacy than it reasonably warranted.

"I heard noises and you weren't there, so I thought I'd come protect you from robbers." He explained, moving forward until he was standing next to you by the counter. You gaze into the middle distance for a moment as you contemplated his words.

"I was the robbers." You say, nodding sagely as the realisation comes to you. As if to prove this point, you reach out blindly for the fruit bowl that you'd already accosted once, picking up a lime and trying to fit the whole thing in your mouth. The last thing the video catches is Joe lunging forward to pull the fruit from between your teeth with a surprised exclamation before the video cuts off.

It's there that he realises that you're not half asleep, you're completely asleep, and sleep-eating at that. You're compliant enough when he leads you back to bed, though you adamantly refuse to let go of the juice, and you sit it triumphantly on your bedside table before promptly falling back into bed. Despite everything, Joe can't help but be endeared as he settles in beside you.

The video goes up the following morning after he shows it to you for your approval.

@joemazzello @yourinstagramhandle: "I had a case of the Mondays!" Me: "What does that even mean?"

@benhardy1 there's so much to unpack here

@benhardy1 also @yourinstagramhandle caught red handed drinking straight from the carton

@joemazzello @benhardy1 listen it was a lot to take in but youre right @yourinstagramhandle there was a cup right beside you!!!

@gwilymlee what is happening over there??

@benhardy1 @gwilymlee i know, im gone for one week......

@yourinstagramhandle I HAD A CASE OF THE MONDAYS!! 😂😭 @benhardy1 @gwilymlee @joemazzello

@yourinstagramhandle dont bully me @benhardy1 i miss you x

@benhardy1 @yourinstagramhandle 😘😘

@joemazzello @yourinstagramhandle @benhardy1 gross (im kidding, come home)

@benhardy1 @joemazzello 🙄🖕 (😘)

It becomes a thing, much to your chagrin, 'a case of the Mondays' becomes a meme the moment Ben posts a video from set, of him walking into his trailer where you'd been waiting for him, only for him to find you laying on his sofa under a fluffy blanket, watching Netflix with a face mask on.

"You took too long, now I'm having me-time." You announced. In the background, the Friends theme song starts.

Ben captions the video 'when you're hit with a case of the mondays', and tags you.

Not fifteen minutes later, Joe responds with his own video posted to his Instagram story captioned 'are mondays contagious? asking for a friend'. The video seems to have been taken not long after Ben's since you're still in a facemask on his sofa in the trailer, the difference is that Ben's in a face mask, and you've got your feet in his lap. The video starts in the middle of a heated argument, and it takes a few moments for the two of you to realise Joe is there, filming. Ben's the first to reach out to him.

"Monica's the worst Friend, right? Back me up here." He asks, and before Joe can even think about answering, you groan loudly, rolling your eyes.

"Ross is obviously the worst Friend, are you kidding me? He's manipulative, he's mean, he's-" you start, carefully extracting yourself from beneath the blanket as you spoke, peeling off your face mask.

"He's a terrible boyfriend and brother, yeah, but he's not the worst Friend," Ben elaborates, following behind you, and Joe quickly takes your spot on the sofa while you're in the bathroom. The argument continues as you wrinse your faces, you taking it in stride easily when you realise your seat's been usurped, sitting yourself in Joe's lap while Ben takes back his original seat. Finally the two of you look to Joe who had been waiting for this moment. The Friends laugh track goes off in the background.

"Well, you're both wrong; the worst Friend is Phoebe." He announced very matter of factly, like it's something he's been sure of for a while. After a beat, both you and Ben groan in unison, you even going so far as to move from Joe's lap to Ben's. That's where the video stops.

You update your Instagram story not long after with a picture of Joe in a face mask, grinning like an absolute fool, captioned 'we got him'.

There's more videos, more pictures, all showcasing you in the worst lighting or weird situations, and all of which you approve before they're posted, despite how embarrassing some of them may seem. Despite all of this, you don't care; it's posted because you're comfortable enough to share yourself with them, even in less than flattering situations, and when you look up, their gaze meeting yours where they're grinning behind their cameras, you can see in their eyes the fondness, the 'yeah, this is the fool I love'.

Ben posts a candid video of you recreating the Risky Business sock-slide scene when the song comes on your Spotify while folding the laundry. The moment you spot him, he stops filming however, because he sees the mischief in your eyes, and the way your hips are moving as you step towards him; you're feeling silly and sexy, climbing into his lap on the sofa, still dancing, though it's more grinding now, and singing the half remembered words. That's not for the rest of the world to see.

Joe posts a series of photos chronicling you forgetting to use an oven mitt to check on the frozen pizza you'd chucked in the oven, and even goes so far as to draw a red circle around the mitt that was literally sitting on the counter beside the oven as you sulked in the foreground of the final photo, holding a bag of frozen peas to your hand. He doesn't post about how he sits you down in front of the TV and brings you a proper ice pack, how he finishes getting dinner all ready and how he and Ben spend the rest of the night doting on you as much as they gently tease you.

They post dumb, nonsense arguments, but not sleepy morning kisses; your reaction to trying food that's way too spicy, even for you, but not how you smile so sweetly over desserts; the way you nap in the weirdest places, bit not how cute you look when you fall asleep on one of them. That's by design. From the outside the relationship is fun and chaotic and bright, but you don't owe the world a confirmation of just how much you love these men. But honestly, the world seems to understand, and somehow that doesn't make you uncomfortable. Though even the small snippets the three of you have shared, it's clear you love and trust each other.

And it comes out in other ways too, other cast members, not that you really mind.

"Tell us about Ben, Joe, and Y/N, are they actually sappy on set?" Gwilym reads out a question during an Instagram live session he's hosting in his trailer to kill time between scenes. "Listen, I'll tell you what, they're worse on set," he tells his audience with playfully annoyed expression, getting up. "Joe's trailer is right next to mine and if I check-" leaving his own trailer he takes his phone with him, knocking on the one next door as the comments of his live show go absolutely nuts, "I bet all three of them are in there." He mused.

Joe opens the door, yawning and rubbing his eyes, clearly having just woken up. "Keep it down, man," Joe mumbles before he sees the phone in Gwil's hand.

"Sorry I woke you, say hello to Instagram, Joe." Joe grins, giving a wave when Gwil holds up the phone. "They were asking about you three," he knows without having to ask that you and Ben are with him. Whenever you came to visit the set the three of you stuck pretty close together.

"They're still asleep," Joe steps aside to allow Gwil to peak inside. As promised, you and Ben were draped over each other on the sofa, though your feet have clearly been moved where Joe had to extract himself to answer the door. The UK Office is playing on someone's laptop. You yawn in your sleep and nestle in against Ben further, even Gwil's heart melts a bit at that.

"Alright, sorry to wake you," Gwil smiles and retreats as Joe stifles a yawn and assures him it's no trouble at all. When he's back in his own trailer, Gwil takes a breather before going back to looking at his live stream.

"They're cute, it's disgusting at times, how cute they are, and yeah, no, they don't show a lot of that in public, but they do really care about each other." He paused, shrugging, "and sometimes they're just weird. I saw Joe dare Ben to try and eat a whole apple in one bite, and he tried, and Joe video called Y/N when it got stuck, but it turns ou her solution was for her to eat a whole apple in one go too, to see how to get out of it; it just got stuck. They all seemed surprised by this, and it was just one of those times where I was like 'ah, yes these people make sense together', you know?" He shrugged, grinning as he read a few comments, "yeah it really did feel like they all got hit with a case of the mondays."

Taglist: @cosmicsskies

shoot me a message and I'll add you xx

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #joe mazzello #ben hardy x reader #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello x reader #the angry lizard writes #gwilym lee #borhap cast imagine #borhap cast #bohemian rhapsody imagine #borhap imagine #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #ben x reader x joe #ben hardy x reader x joe mazzello

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borhap-au · 3 years

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Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

Passed out.

Joe looked up from his phone and smiled when he saw you. You definitely caught his attention while you were walking down the street. You looked at him, but didn’t smile back. You were feeling sick and dizzy, you leaned on the wall to support yourself. You were breathing heavily and closed your eyes, hoping it would just go away. But it didn’t. Joe looked at you a bit surprised, not knowing what’s happening, but he wasn’t the one to bother strangers and he just assumed you were sad, maybe after a heartbreak. But as he approached you, you only felt worse and worse and finally you slipped down the wall and fell on the ground. Joe immediately run up to you.

“Excuse me? Miss? Are you alright?” He kneeled next to you and gently squeezed your hand to see if you respond. When you didn’t, he leaned over you and put his ear close to your mouth in hopes to hear your breath while also observing your chest. It was moving up and down steadily and he could hear your breath, so he sighed relieved. He lied you on your back and put your legs on your bag and his backpack to aid blood flow to the brain. He loosen the belt you had on your dress and took his phone to immediately call 911.

He stayed with you until the help arrived. They took you to the ambulance and asked whether Joe knew you. He admitted he didn’t, but he felt weirdly responsible for you, so he asked whether he could go with you. They agreed.

After they run all the exams and made sure you’re going to be alright, they put you in a room until you regain consciousness. After some time, you finally did. You slowly opened your eyes, trying to adjust to the bright lights in the room. Joe smiled at you.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” He asked and you looked at him trying to remember when you saw him before. He was like a fainted memory. You tried to speak, but your throat was too dry.

“Water?” you grunted quietly. He nodded and walked out of the room to try and find some water. When he did, he came back and helped you sit up and take a few sips.

“Is it better?” you nodded your head and covered yourself with the quilt.

“Why am I here?” you asked and Joe explained you how you passed out and needed to be rushed to the hospital. “And why are you here?” He didn’t have a good answer to that, other than he just needed to make sure this absolute stranger is feeling better.

“Empathy, I guess,” he smiled a bit embarrassed. “I just needed to make sure you’re going to be alright. I found you, so…” he shrugged. You gave him a little smile.

“Thank you for that. And for everything,” you put your hand on his and squeezed it gently. “If there is anything I can do for you, tell me. I’d like to repay you somehow for taking care of me.”

“Nonsense. I did what anyone would do, you don’t need to thank me for anything. And you most definitely don’t have repay me,” he replayed and pet your hand with his thumb. “I’m just glad to see you’re okay.”

“I insist. Can I at least… Invite you for a cup of coffee?” you took your hand away and smiled at the beautiful stranger.

“I don’t think coffee would be good in your current situation…”

“Then dinner. Let me invite you to a dinner. Please,” you didn’t give up. “Tonight.”

“Well, I guess I need to make sure nothing bad will happen to you. My car is parked not far from here, I can take you home,” he suggested and you nodded your head. You weren’t from this part of the town, it would be a long walk home.

“Yes, and after that, I will invite you to a great Italian restaurant near my home. We’re settled,” you smiled proudly. He chuckled and nodded.

“Alright then. We can do that,” he finally agreed. “I’m Joe, by the way,” he smiled and reached out his hand.

“Y/N,” you introduced yourself and shook his hand. “So Joey, huh? That’s the name of my prince in shining armor?” He chuckled hearing that. “Joseph the Great,” you joked smiling at him.

“I’m hardly that. I’m just glad I could help.”

Soon after that a doctor joined you. When they made sure you’re going to be okay, they monitored your heartbeat and talked with you about potential causes of the fainting and how to avoid them, they let you go. You held Joe’s arm as you were walking to his car. Less of a necessity, more of a personal pleasure, but you didn’t let it be known. He opened the door for you and you thanked him as you got in.

“Can I change the station?” you asked during the trip.

“Sure,” he nodded his head and you immediately tried to find the radio station that played classic rock 24/7. When you did, the beginning of “Somebody to love” could be heard from the speakers.

“I love this song,” you smiled sitting more comfortably in your chair.

“Me too. It’s my favorite Queen song, if not my favorite song in general,” he smiled and you looked at him surprised.

“Really?” he nodded. “It’s my favorite too!” And it was just the beginning of things you had it common. You talked about movies, TV series, books, and you found out you had very similar taste. While in the restaurant, you both ordered the same meal without consulting each other beforehand.

“Of course I like that movie. Come on, it’s about dinosaurs, who doesn’t like them?” you smiled. “Like Jurassic Park. It’s a classic!”

“You like it?” he smiled and in that moment you confirmed what he already suspected to be true – you had no idea who he was.

“Oh, yeah, totally. I watched it for the first time when as a kid and totally loved it. All other action movies usually only had adults in it, this one was better, cause it had kids I could relate to,” you smiled and drank your water while he tried to hide his smirk.

“And what do you think about the ginger kid? I think he was quite lame…” he started, but you didn’t let him finish.

“Take that back!” you chuckled. “I won’t allow you to say a bad word about him. He’s my biggest childhood crush,” Joe couldn’t help but let out a quiet chuckle. The situation was just too funny for him. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he moved his napkin on his lips pretending to wipe them, while in reality he was hiding his big smile.

“No, it’s not nothing. Tell me what’s so funny. Are you laughing at me?” He shook his head.

“No, no. I’m just happy you liked my performance, that’s all,” it took you a second to realize what he meant.

“No, come on. It’s not possible,” you muttered in disbelief.

“Joe Mazzello, nice to meet you,” he even took out his ID to prove you he’s not joking. You looked at it and immediately turned red.

“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry! I feel so stupid right now for not recognizing you. That’s why you looked so familiar… Oh, God. Once again, so so sorry. I must still be dizzy from earlier,” you tried to justify yourself.

“Don’t worry about it. It was actually nice not to be treated differently because of my work for once. Quite refreshing,” he reassured you.

“Well… One thing I have to admit, you know how to make a great impression on a girl even without your star status.”

“I’ll drink to that,” chuckled and lifted his glass with lemonade and you clinked your glasses then both of you drank your non-alcohol drinks. “So, you had a crush on me, huh?” he chuckled quietly.

“I feel so embarrassed right now!” you turned even more red.

“Come on, it was cute!” he chuckled quietly.

“No, it’s embarrassing and you know it. Go on, tell me who your crush was…”

The conversation didn’t stop there, neither did your relation. It soon turned into a boyfriend/girlfriend situation and let me tell you, Joe loved telling everyone the story of how he “saved your life” on your first meeting. You found it annoying at first, but with time you learned to love it. After all, that situation brought you two together.

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borhap-au · 3 years

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Joe Mazzello - the fluffy chronicles.

Only an assistant.

It was really weird for you, how often Joe came around you when you were on set. You were working together for a few weeks. He was the star of the movie, while you were an assistant of an assistant, with your basic work requirements being “Hey, Y/N, bring me…” So you could never understand why he would even want to hang out with someone like you, since you were sure that to him, you must be nobody.

“Hey, will you join us for lunch?” he smiled at you one day and you looked at him confused.

“Me? Why?” you were used to sitting away from people, all alone, until somebody asked you to do something.

“Well, because we would all appreciate your company,” you couldn’t help but notice how beautiful his smile was.

“We, meaning who exactly?” he mentioned a few names, most of them actors in this movie. “Why, so you can make fun of me?” he looked at you surprised, not believing what he’s just heard. “Cause that’s why you’re doing it, right? You have like a bet, who brings the biggest loser to the table? Why did you single me out? I was always nice to you, was that not enough?” He looked at you almost in shock.

“You really think I would ask you to sit with us to make fun of you? No, I wanted you to join us, maybe meet some new people. I’ve noticed you’re usually alone, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to meet someone new,” he explained, and you, of course, got offensive.

“Oh, so I’m a loser after all, huh? Someone you need to help because I’m not capable of doing basic human things, like finding myself a friend? Don’t worry, I refuse to be your charity case so you can go on without worrying about me now.”

“What did I do to you? Why are you mad at me? If I offended you, I’m sorry. I never meant to do that. All I wanted was to be nice and friendly,” he explained. “I promise.”

You didn’t look at him, you were visibly mad. He sighed.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it to sound bad. I just wanted you to join us, well, join me, because I like you and I enjoy your company. But I didn’t really know how to be straight-forward with it, so I asked to join our table instead. Sorry, I really didn’t want to make a fool out of myself.”

“You wanted me to join you?” you looked at him, not quite sure what he meant. What someone so amazing could’ve wanted to do with you, you wondered.

“I wanted to ask you out,” he knew he had to finally be open about it, because otherwise it would just lead to more misunderstandings. “But at first I wanted to test if you even enjoy my company enough to say yes, that’s why I wanted you to join me at lunch. So we could have a real conversation.”

“So ask me out. Don’t force me to spend time with people that don’t want me there. Let’s go out, together, and try things out on our own,” you suggested. He liked the idea, so he nodded, smiling.

“Yeah, I’d like that. So, are you free on Saturday? We’d go to a restaurant. That is, if you want to, of course,” he smiled, still a little shy and unsure.

“And you really want this? Like… not to just make fun of some random nobody?” you asked, disbelieving. You thought there were hidden cameras around you and he will soon tell you it was all just a prank.

“You’re not a nobody,” he said immediately, defending you from yourself. “You’re smart and funny.”

“And I work as an errand girl. Such a prestigious position…,” you said ironically.

“So what? Your job doesn’t define you. Everyone started somewhere. Neither I nor anyone I respect judges people based on their job. Everybody has to earn a living somehow. And I’m sure that thanks to your job, you met more fun people than I did,” he gave you a big smile.

“Well, yeah… You,” you smiled shyly. “I would like to go out with you, if you really want us to. I’m sure it’ll be fun.”

And it was fun. He took you to a very fancy restaurant in that part of the city you didn’t even go to. Of course he told you beforehand that it will be one of those restaurants that expects elegant clothes, so you came prepared. You both, without consulting each other, ordered the same thing, so food was your first topic. It turned out, you had a lot in common. From then on, your conversation went smoothly, and he was able to make you laugh easily.

“You really thought I wanted to make fun of you?” he asked finally, looking at you. You looked down.

“I didn’t want to believe it myself, because you were always nice and I didn’t think you were really an asshole, but… A lot of people make fun of me because of how insignificant my job is. I guess it came out of my insecurities and frustrations. I’m sorry you had to be the innocent victim,” you muttered and looked at him. He was smiling comfortingly.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not mad or anything. I just wanted to know whether I gave you a reason to think of me this way.”

“No, never,” you shook your head. “I was just hurt too many times I guess. It’s hard for me to trust people.” You smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry to hear that you were hurt. But you don’t have to worry around me. I have no intention to hurt you. I really like you. And about those people who make fun of you because of your job – it’s the lowest of the low. Like literally, a job is a job and nobody should be judged for how they make money, unless they sell drugs or do other illegal business. And you actually have a cool job. You get to meet many interesting people and travel all around the world. Many people dream of a job like that. I mean it.”

“I don’t think anyone dreams of it, honestly…”

“I disagree. There are people who are introverts, who don’t want to be in the spotlight, but at the same time, they would like to have a chance to meet their favorite actor. So it’s a perfect job for many. Trust me, many people look at you and think you’re lucky. Even the people who said nasty things to you. The reason is always jealousy and their own insecurity. Happy people don’t put other people down,” he smiled at you and you actually believed him this time. You had to admit, he was right. “I know it’s easy to say, ‘don’t worry about those people.’ I know it’s not easy to actually stop caring. But the sooner you accept that they are in fact unhappy with their lives, so in turn, they want to bring other people down, the sooner you be much happier. You’re not the reason why they spread hate, they are. There’s nothing wrong with you and there’s a lot wrong with them.”

“That’s sweet of you to say. Thank you,” you smiled and he smiled back at you. “That’s how you deal with hate? Remember that it’s not your fault, but theirs?”

“Yeah. I know that many people wish to be in the position I’m in, to work with the people I worked with. So if they send me hate, I simply pity them for they have no life apart from jealousy. But if they hate on my fans, I have to react. It’s a different story. I can handle hate. But I won’t accept someone bringing my base down because they like me. It’s a really shitty thing to do. So I have to assure them they’re amazing and the haters are too sad and lonely to find actual friends so they only connect with other haters. Plain and simple.”

“Oh, yeah, I absolutely despise people who make fun of others because they like something else and they’re passionate about it. Like, there is no ‘superior music taste’ that makes you better than people listening to other genres. Or liking different movies. They are all made for the audiences to enjoy it, so if you enjoyed it, good for you. I could never understand how people say others are uneducated or uncultured because they liked something that the person didn’t like. Can we just all enjoy artists’ work in peace? We should only connect over what we like, not how much we hate others who like something we hate. It doesn’t even make sense.”

“I agree. So you understand it yourself, hate doesn’t make any sense,” he smiled and you nodded. “Imagine having nothing better to do than to spread hate. How sad is that?”

“Extremely sad…” you looked at him. “Thanks, Joe. You made me feel better.”

“That’s why I’m here,” he reassured you. “So, dessert?” he smiled and you took a menu.

“Always.”

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borhap-au · 4 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

Joe defending your relationship against his family.

Joe was very excited about introducing you to his family. After all, you were his first serious relationship since that unfortunate incident a few years back, that ended in a heartbreak for Joe. You already knew his mom and his siblings, his nieces and nephews loved you.

Before it actually happened, you weren’t sure how Joe’s closest family members would react to you, after all, you were much younger than him. But Joe said they all thought you were a nice girl, and it was “really up to him” who he was dating, after all, it wasn’t their call. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what the rest of his family believed in.

You met them at a big family party. It was unfortunate for you, because you hated family parties, you hated being in a center of attention in a group of strangers, and you hated that Joe was all the time asked to go somewhere, so you were alone most of the time. You were obviously trying to be very nice and kind to whoever you were talking to, trying to show your best side, but also, you were always looking around, hoping to spot Joe and excuse yourself from the conversation. At the party you had the most fun around children, playing with them, because that was the only place you knew for sure you weren’t being judged. Unfortunately, that didn’t really help your case.

When you finally spotted Joe, he was going inside to the house, so you followed him. You thought he was going to be alone, but when you heard his voice in a mix of others, you stopped yourself from going there. You wanted to go back, but then you heard your name. At first you thought someone was calling for you, so you moved a little in the direction of the door, but then you realized, it wasn’t to you. It was about you.

“Come on, guys, just give her a chance. She’s really nice and smart. You will like her,” you heard Joe’s voice and sighed quietly. So all of your effort was for nothing.

“She’s out there playing with the kids, Joey. She’s a child herself. You should find yourself a real woman,” one of his cousins said.

“First of all, she looks younger than she really is. Second of all, she’s not a child. Sure, she’s younger than me, but she’s been an adult for a good few years now, so don’t worry, she is a woman,” Joe didn’t give up fighting for you and it was really sweet in your opinion. Although you didn’t really want him to fight with anyone, especially because of you.

“The age difference is too transparent. What you two even talk about? She’s probably into Justin Bieber and that Miley girl, while you listen to the old classics. Does she even know who Freddie Mercury was? Has she heard of Queen?” another of his cousins said.

“Excuse me, you don’t appreciate her enough. She actually loves old rock n’ roll. She listens to the classics more than I do. Her favorite movie is The Godfather. We have so much to talk about,” he took a breath, probably to drink something, while his female cousin gave her two cents.

“If she loves old things, that would explain why she wants you,” she joked, and the rest of them laughed. You were sure Joe rolled his eyes at that comment.

“Are you her sugar daddy or something, Joey? Is that what it is?” you heard another voice saying.

“No, I am not her sugar daddy. She has a job, she has her own money. She’s not even comfortable with me buying her expensive gifts. She’s not in this relationship for money, don’t insult her like that, Karen,” oh, Karen. Now the comment made sense to you.

“Okay, but what does she even know? Those young kids these days, they don’t appreciate anything. Only social media are on their minds. Facebook, selfies, no culture, no nothing,” you heard one of the older aunts.

“I’m about to prove you wrong. She actually loves literature, she knows a lot about cinema, her hobbies include sports and taking frequent breaks from social media to be around nature. We often go on small trips around the country, she is a great photographer. And she has unbelievable knowledge about history. We don’t only have million topics to talk about, it often is that she talks and I just listen, because she has so many important and fascinating things to say. And she also has very strong views and beliefs, and your old school view on women is definitely something she would disagree with. She’s smart, she’s independent and she’s with me because she loves me. I really do not understand, what is your problem, people,” Joe was actually starting to get mad, and you were mad as well, but even more so because of the fact that they made him mad. You didn’t want anyone putting Joe down because of something, or someone, he loves.

“Well, if she’s not in for the money, then probably for the fame,” you heard that voice before. Apparently Joe didn’t persuade them enough.

“No, none of that. She refuses to go on red carpets with me. She doesn’t even allow me to post anything about her on my social media. She doesn’t want the attention. She wants the relationship to be a private matter, and frankly, that’s what it should be. I shouldn’t even have to explain that to you,” despite all the nasty comments about your alleged motifs, Joe didn’t give up fighting for you, even if that meant going against his family.

“Let’s just all calm down. We spend too much energy on a topic that’s not even worth it. It’s just a whim, he will soon come to his senses,” you weren’t the one to really care about some old woman’s opinion, but that one hurt you. For anyone to assume you were just a quick thing for Joe, it was hurtful and unfair.

“Oh, no. I beg you pardon. I want none of those kind of insinuations. She’s not a doll to throw away when I’m done playing with her. She’s a real person, with a heart and soul and she’s so much more than you give her credit for. You guys are awful, you know? You didn’t even give her a chance! How is she supposed to prove you wrong, when you dismiss anything she says? Stop belittling her. She did nothing to deserve this. I really expected more of you,” he scoffed.

“Come on, she’s not a wife material for you, and most definitely not a mother material. She was a child herself not so long ago,” another person added.

“Once again, you are wrong. She’s most definitely a wife material and I would be more than happy to marry her someday. Don’t be surprised when you get an invitation to our wedding. Or if you don’t get one, if you’re going to continue to act like that,” you smiled hearing that. Becoming Mrs. Mazzello was a dream come true for you, but you had no idea Joe even took that under consideration.

“Before it comes to marriage, Joseph, you will change your mind five times,” another aunt, another wrong statement about Joe. You thought that they not only treated you like a child, but actually also him, not listening to a word he says.

“Maybe, or maybe I already looked for a ring. We’ve been together long enough. Some of you were married after shorter periods of knowing each other,” oh, you could feel that he smiled ironically. And wait, were you supposed to hear that? I mean, you weren’t really supposed to hear any of this… But maybe you just found out about a surprise engagement… One way or another, you were overjoyed.

“But she may change her mind. She may change a lot in the next few years. She’s still growing, discovering herself as a woman. You’re a grown up. That’s the difference. Where you want to settle down, she only starts her journey,” nice quote, but no. You were all about setting for a journey together, helping each other grow, give each other peace and love.

“Actually, I have no plans of holding her back. She can grow and discover herself as much as she wants, whether it’s in the relationship or in a marriage. I want her to find her path, pursue her dream career, become successful and do whatever she wants to do. She’s a woman with big dreams and plans,” Joe said, but was quickly interrupted.

“Yeah, I bet a girl in her 20s wants to stick with one dick for the rest of her life,” one of his cousins said, and you almost threw up in your mouth hearing that.

“First of all, don’t be disgusting, there are ladies in this room, and you’re talking about a lady as well. Second of all, despite of what you’re implying, not every young woman’s dream is to party and change partners all the time. Some actually want to settle down. And she’s one of those women. I know that, because contrary to you, I listen to what she says. She focuses on her career and her relationship, trust me, she’s not missing anything,” some of the guys laughed, but most of the girls acted more tasteful.

“Is it about your former girlfriend, Joe? You try to patch up a broken heart by having a fling with a much younger girl?” oh, wow. You didn’t expect that one.

“I’m long over that relation- whatever that was. I’m not trying to make up for anything here. I met her, I fell in love with her, and now we’re happy together. You really think I would bring a ‘fling’ to a family reunion? For what, to brag? Come on, you know me better than that. And if you really think I would do something like that, then maybe I’m wrong, maybe you don’t know me at all. But I’m not wrong about her. Now excuse me, I’m going to find my girlfriend and I plan to spend the rest of the evening with her. Have a nice party,” you realized you should probably escape quickly so that nobody finds out you were listening to all of the conversation. So you quickly run to the bathroom and then got out of it soon enough so that Joey saw you and knew where you are.

“Oh, hey,” he smiled, and moved his arm around you. “There you are, I was looking for you. How’s the party?” he had an empty whisky glass in his hand. Clearly, the conversation exhausted him. He quickly put the glass away when he saw you looking at it.

“Oh, the kids here are amazing. Your niece won’t let me have a break,” you chuckled quietly, and he smiled.

“That just proves how great of a mommy material you are,” he pointed out as you were walking out of the building together to get some fresh air and get away from people.

“Well, then I’m happy that I was able to find a perfect daddy to match my greatness,” you smiled at him.

“Honey, I told you not to call me that around people,” he joked, and you softly punched him in his chest.

“I’m never complimenting you, ever again,” you pretended to be mad, but soon rested your head on his shoulder, petting the side of his body, as you slowly walked around the garden in perfect harmony and peace.

“What if we stay together until the end of the world? Then you won’t compliment me either?” you smiled slightly hearing that, because you knew what he really was asking you about. He wanted to be reassured that he didn’t fight for you for nothing, that you really wished to be with him forever, or at least you hoped that it would all work out between you and you would still love each other after all those years.

“If you promise me we will be together forever, then maybe I’ll change my mind,” you teased, because even the most serious topics turned into a light-hearted conversations between you two.

“Want to get married someday?” he asked, petting your arm with his thumb and smiling at you with such love in his eyes, that you fell for him all over again.

“I’d love that,” he smiled in response.

And guess what? A year after that conversation you were actually married. And Joe made sure that everyone on the wedding reception knew he remembered about the conversation he had that day, when during a toast he mentioned how “nobody believed in you two, but for him it really could be the whole world against him, because he didn’t care as long as he has you by his side to support him through the roughest times,” and how “you were there for him even if nobody else was standing by him.” After that, you were always strong together, loving each other, and even produced a few newest members of the Mazzello clan.

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borhap-au · 3 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

Surprises.

You’ve been going through some stressful times. The amount of work you had to do was overwhelming, you were busy at work and at home, you didn’t have much time for your boyfriend, and when you could find a moment for him, he was out, filming. You saw each other at home, of course, but you usually had to tell him to be quiet, because you had to read and revise all of the paperwork. He usually just smiled at you and left you alone, not to disturb you, because he knew how much you’ve done to get this job and he didn’t want you to lose it. But you noticed that deep inside it made him sad that he couldn’t spend more time with you. The amount of work was overwhelming both of you, and Joey was simply worried that you overwork yourself.

So, on what you thought will be just another boring day, Joey left earlier for work, and you actually could sleep a little longer, so he didn’t wake you up to say goodbye. When you got out of bed, you went to the bathroom. Still tired (after all, even your dream had to do with your work) you yawned as you walked up to the mirror and then you saw a little yellow piece of paper stuck to the mirror, with a sentence on it, reading “smile! you’re beautiful.”

You felt like shit, and you were a total mess, but nevertheless you smiled seeing that note. Joey really was considerate and put much effort into making you feel better. You couldn’t think of a better boyfriend, and you were sure nobody you knew could be better than him.

Then you went to the kitchen, not sure if there was even anything left in the fridge for you to eat. You were pretty sure you will have to either find some old chocolate bar, or grab something quickly on your way to work. You opened the fridge and saw a pile of sandwiches and another little piece of paper with a caption “I hope you’ll enjoy it.” Yet again, he made you smile. This way you were not only able to eat an actual breakfast, but there were even some sandwiches left for you to take to work, which was very important, because you had to give a presentation at work, for which you were preparing for the past week.

When you went to the bedroom, you opened your wardrobe to take your suit, but you couldn’t find it anywhere. You looked around, but it was gone. Completely panicked and stressed out, you grabbed your phone to call Joey, and then you saw a message from him saying “in the living room. Was ironing some of my shirts yesterday, thought it wouldn’t hurt to iron your suit too.” And when you walked into the living room, there it was. Hanging on the door, your suit, freshly ironed. You couldn’t even believe this man was real. A real treasure, that he was for sure.

By the door, next to the keys he found for your yesterday, so you didn’t have to worry in the morning, there was a note saying “you’re going to nail it! I believe in you.” You smiled and walked out of the house. And then you came back, because you forgot your notes for the presentation. But then you left your home for real and headed to work.

On the way to work, you found your favorite chocolate in your purse, and you were sure you weren’t the one who put it there. But eating chocolate always calmed you down and made you happy, and Joey knew about it.

An hour before your presentation, he texted you: “stop with all the revising. You know all of it already. Give yourself a break. Breathe, relax. You got this, honey. I know you do. I love you!” He knew you’ll be revising. You always were. You were shaking because of all the stress, and always revise ‘till the very last moment, but at least Joey reminded you to breathe deeply, trying to calm yourself down. You went for a tea, to listen to his advice, but when you got the tea you came back to revise some more.

You did get your point across and the presentation went rather smoothly. Nobody had any doubts that you did your homework and found out everything you could about the subject. You were your own harshest critic, but your boss actually said you did a great job and can take the weekend off as a reward. After all, you impressed the guests and persuaded them to make the deal with your company.

You were so incredibly happy, mostly because you knew you will finally have some time to spend with your absolutely perfect boyfriend. You texted him the great news immediately after you got them, not waiting until you finish the work. Joey got home before you, so you told him you’re going to grab some pizza on the way back home, so you can eat it and watch some movie. But he told you not to buy any food.

When you got back home, you called his name, but nobody answered. Instead, you saw a trail of dried flowers on the floor. You decided to follow them. They led you to the bathroom, where you saw Joe, in the bathtub full of bubbles. Lit scented candles were standing all around. He smiled at you. Then you noticed he was holding a glass of champagne in his hand.

“Hey, honey. How was your day at work?” he asked and smiled at you.

“Stressful as hell. But at least it’s all over now,” you smiled in return.

“Jump right in,” he encouraged you, and you quickly dropped your clothes, with Joey smirking at the view he missed so much during the last few weeks. Then you joined him in the bathtub, leaning on him, and finally relaxing after so many stressful days. He moved his hand on the side of your body, petting it. “How do you feel?” he muttered in your hair. Your eyes were closed, and your head was tilted back, resting on his shoulder.

“Right now? Just perfect. All the tension is leaving my body, and the water is so nicely warm. I’m in heaven,” you muttered without opening your eyes.

“Want to make a toast? For a nice weekend for example,” you opened your eyes and smiled at him, nodding.

“But of course that I do,” you took a glass from his hand. He took the other one. “Cheers, honey,” you clinked his glass with yours and drank a bit of the champagne.

“Cheers, babe,” he drank some as well, and then you put your glasses on the shelf, so you were both able to enjoy the bath. You leaned on him again, resting your head on his shoulder and closing your eyes. You just wanted to relax for a bit, and his lips certainly helped to make you feel better. He kissed your jawline, neck and shoulder with his warm, soft lips, and that moment sure felt like heaven to you.

He didn’t tire you with more talking, especially not about work. He knew how overworked you were and didn’t want to bring that back on your free weekend. So instead he just focused on kissing your skin, while his hands slowly caressed your body. That was until your stomach started growling, remembering the pizza you were supposed to eat, but Joey didn’t want you to buy.

You then left the bath, and when you were making sure the bathroom isn’t going to burn down, Joe went to the kitchen. You knew he’s had something planned and you were pretty excited to see what was waiting for you. When you went to the kitchen, he was heating up the dinner he’s made earlier. You had time to change into more comfortable clothes.

He took one of the candles from the bathroom and lit it on the table as well, making it a real romantic dinner. He made chicken with vegetables, and you had the unfinished champagne to drink.

“I’m proud of you, darling,” he said, while you were eating. “I’m proud of the woman you are, of how you handle everything. You’re amazing. A real role model,” he smiled and took a sip of the champagne.

“Thanks, Joey. I’m just sorry for neglecting you and our relationship. It was just something very important to me, a way to show my skills…” you started the long apology you had prepared in your head, but you didn’t finish it, because he didn’t let you.

“Don’t worry about me, girly. I’m a big boy. I managed to be on my own for the few days, you know?” he smiled at you. “I was happy to help you however I could, even by making a simple dinner. I knew it’s important to you. I would never make you choose between your goals and our relationship, honey. It’s your career, your future, and as much as I would like to be a part of it, I know I’m not all of it, and you need those things outside of this house, like a job for example. You never complained about my busy schedule, and I would never complain about yours,” he assured you.

After the dinner, you went to the bedroom to watch something. You chuckled quietly when upon entrance you saw a teddy bear holding a piece of paper with a big “CONGRATULATIONS! YOU DID IT!” on it. There were lots of your favorite sweets all over the bed. You looked at Joe in disbelief, shaking your head.

“What? I wasn’t sure whether I’ll manage to get home on time, before you did. I had to go out to visit a few places before you came from work and do the shopping. And I wanted you to have a nice surprise when you come back,” he explained, and you kissed him, moving your arms around him. He truly was a blessing.

You put the sweets away and went to bed. You started your favorite movie, but it wasn’t long before you fell asleep, finally being able to rest after weeks of stress and constant work. He smiled seeing you finally being able to rest and kissed your head, as if to say “sleep well.” Then he continued to watch the movie and pet your arm, hoping you’ll have sweet dreams and dream of him. He already had the entire weekend planned for the two of you to catch up on the time you missed because of work.

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borhap-au · 4 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

A blue day.

It took a lot from you to actually get up from the bed and check your phone after you heard several messages coming in. For you, it was one of the blue days. You were strong, trying to deal with everything, but it kept piling up and finally it was too much. It just overwhelmed you. You spent the entire day in bed, under your blanket, without caring to change your clothes from yesterday or wash your hair. You just physically couldn’t make yourself do it. So when you saw a few messages from Joe, saying he’s going to come to your house in the evening, you immediately panicked. You didn’t want him to see the mess that was your room, or the mess you were that day. You didn’t expect anyone who didn’t struggle with depression to understand what you’ve been going through. You knew a lot of them would never do anyway. For some of them, you had everything they wished they had. But it was just the surface. Sure, among other things, you had a handsome, caring boyfriend, who was just a dream come true. But in all honestly, despite the fact you loved him very much, you couldn’t really gave all of yourself to that relationship. You were full of fear caused by the depression – you were scared that you weren’t good enough for him, that he was just wasting his time with you, that he was a source of jokes because he had such an “awful” (in your mind) girlfriend. You thought that either he’s going to realize how unfortunate he is to end up with you and leave, or he’s going to get stuck with you forever and be unhappy. Either of those broke your heart. So what you couldn’t admit to Joe, but what you had considered in the past, was deleting yourself from his life. You thought that’s the only way for him to let go of the burden and finally be happy. You never said that out loud, but Joe was suspecting it might’ve crossed your mind. So when you sent him an emoji of a blue heart (a code you had, for telling him you’re having one of the blue days, but you love him and don’t want him to be worried, that you just need some time alone) he wasn’t planning to leave you to your own devices. Especially since was scared you would choose a razor blade.

Joe understood your struggle, at least from a perspective of a person who wasn’t dealing with similar problems himself. He was the second person you were the most open and honest with, right after your therapist. He knew you, the real you, and he loved you for who you were, which was almost completely unbelievable and impossible to you. It took you a long time to open up to him, but when you finally did, you felt a bit better – especially after he didn’t leave you, he kept coming back, talking to you, trying to help you. He was good at finding “small” solutions – things you usually did for a few hours, but they had a lasting effect, with you going even as long as a week without having bad, overwhelming thoughts. He bought you an aquarium with several different species of fish, since you loved animals. Observing them made you feel peaceful. He also took you on a road trip, where you could cut yourself from everyday life and have some vitamins from the shining sun. He made you laugh by having various funny and sometimes weird ideas. He let you put make up on him to practice, you both used colorful foam to make your hair have crazy colors for a few days. You sometimes pranked people together. He overall could just make you laugh, which at times was almost impossible. You usually didn’t fake anything around him, and that was really important and refreshing for you. But as it is with depression, after the good days come the bad days, and today was unfortunately one of the latter. You sighed quietly when you saw his text back.

“I’ll come anyway. I just missed my girl too much,” you put your phone away and almost cried as you began to clean up your room. It was just too much for you. You felt helpless and unable to do the simplest tasks, the emotional pain was taking over the control of your body. You sat on the floor, trying to come up with any excuse that would persuade Joe not to come. You didn’t feel that bad in ages. You knew you will have to fake your happiness not to concern him, but today it felt like too much to ask from you. You just didn’t want to pretend.

Before you came up with anything that could make Joe stay at home tonight, he was already at your door. He knocked on it, and you jumped surprised and scared. After a second of bringing yourself together, you told him to come in.

“Hey… Your mom let me in,” you nodded hearing that. You looked down. Didn’t want him to see the make-up you had on from the previous day, or that your eyeliner was all over your cheeks from crying. Your hair was a mess. You were wearing just a simple tracksuit. You had no energy to get up, so he sat next to you.

“Please, don’t. I stink,” you muttered quietly, moving away from him. Only then you saw that little teddy bear he was holding in hand.

“It doesn’t bother me. Here, I brought you a present,” he gave you the teddy bear and you took it, looking at it carefully. It had a little sweater on, with your and his initials in a heart. You had to admit, it was cute.

“Thank you, it’s lovely. But please, don’t come closer. It may not bother you, but it does bother me,” you muttered quietly again, softly cuddling the toy to your chest. He nodded his head.

“So we’ll start with a bath, how about that?” he smiled and you looked at him with a visible exhaustion in your eyes. He knew you wanted him to go, but he just couldn’t let you be all alone when you were in such a state. He wanted you to feel his presence, his support. You knew he wasn’t going anywhere, so you slowly nodded your head, without saying a word. He got up and went to the bathroom that was attached to your room. He started preparing the bath.

You looked at the teddy bear again. His fur was really soft, and he was all white. You were planning to call him Joey, as it was your favorite nickname for your boyfriend, and you wanted to always have a Joey to hug at night. Soon after that, Joe came back to you.

“May I?” he asked, and when you didn’t object, he picked you up. You left the toy behind, on the floor. Joe took you to the bathroom and make you stand on a rug, while he began to help you undress. There was nothing sexual about it, on the contrary, it was almost as if he was a parent helping his child out after a long, exhausting day. He looked after you with care and protection. It gave you a sense of security.

After your clothes were already in the laundry basket, he helped you to get in the bath. He himself sat on a small stool next to the bathtub. The first thing he did was taking care of your yesterday’s make up, by washing it off. You didn’t like your bare face, but he actually loved it. He gently pet your cheek, but when you didn’t look at him, he took his hand away, not to do something you may not like. Then he took a sponge and began to wash your body with a shower gel. You were hardly feeling it. You felt like you were drifting away, like you were somewhere else, under the water, while your body stayed there with Joe. He felt you disconnecting.

“Hey, beautiful,” he kissed your temple. “Where are you now?” he asked, smiling slightly. You looked at him and tried to smile back.

“Right here, with you,” you put your hand on his and began to softly pet it.

“If you want to get anything off your chest, I’m here to listen,” he reassured you.

“Thank you, honey. But not today. Today I don’t have the strength to talk,” you explained to him, and you knew you’d understand without questioning it.

“Darling… I don’t want you to be mad at me for asking this question, but I have to make sure. Were you taking your pills?” he looked at you with concern, trying to find any way he could help you.

“Yes,” you nodded your head. “They just made my dose a little smaller… Apparently it’s a bit too early for that,” you answered him honestly.

“We will make sure they bring back the right dose. I’m glad you’ve been taking your pills, honey. I’m really proud of you,” he pet your head. “Always remember, you’re not alone in this. I’m here for you,” you looked at him and gave him a little smile.

“Thank you, Joey. I don’t know where I would be without you,” you muttered and held his hand, because you needed to feel his presence. He got the message.

“Do you need a hug?” you nodded your head and he cuddled you, petting your back. You liked everything about hugging Joe. His warmth, the smell of his perfume, his closeness. He held you for as long as you needed, he wouldn’t dare to break out of a hug first, knowing how much you needed it. So after some time you broke out of it, because otherwise you would stay in his arms forever. Not that you minded that.

“I love you,” you whispered so he could barely hear it. But he knew you meant it.

“I love you too. So, so much. You’re like my own personal piece of sunshine. I want to be with you forever,” there was an actual honesty in his words. There was something about him that just made you want to believe him, even on the days you didn’t believe yourself. “Did you sleep well tonight?” he asked with care.

“I barely slept at all, I kept on waking up,” you sighed quietly. Bags under your eyes were a proof of that.

“Are you having nightmares?” he held your hand now, petting it with this thumb.

“All kinds, the worst kinds,” you answered.

“What about meals, did you eat?” you shook your head.

“Mom brought me something earlier, but I couldn’t take a smallest bite without feeling like puking,” you explained to him and he kissed your shoulder.

“So how about I’ll make you something? Remember when we made pizza together? It was nice, wasn’t it?” he smiled, trying to make you remember the better days, and make you feel better. It really was a nice day, the pizza day he mentioned. It was when your mom had a girls night out and he stayed with you. You cooked a pizza together, making a huge mess, but it was fun. And the pizza was delicious, despite the fact it looked absolutely awful.

“After the bath?” you asked, looking at him. He nodded with a big smile.

“Yes, after the bath. I’ll make you anything you want. And then we’ll watch your favorite Disney movie. Would you like that?” you nodded your head slowly. “So we will. Now come on, tilt your head back. We need to make your hair wet.”

When he was washing your hair, you calmed down a little bit. His touch, his fingers running through your hair, his gentle massage, all made you feel a bit better. Later he helped you get out of the bath and dried your body up with a towel.

When you came back to your bedroom, you began to brush your hair, while he was drying it with a hair dryer. The warm air filled up the room and made you feel better. After that, you put some actual clothes on instead of a pajama in case your mother was in the kitchen. Yes, you were an adult, but still, it would be quiet uncomfortable to expose the fact you were just naked around your boyfriend like that. Even though your mom actually liked Joe. She saw the good impact he had on you.

While in the kitchen, Joe started off on his own, trying to make some traditional Italian pasta from a recipe he found on the internet. But when you saw him struggle, you soon joined his effort, so now you struggled together. You chuckled as you were trying to make something out of the things that you had, instead of those that were actually in the recipe. Joe was cracking jokes all the time, and it actually helped you forget for a little while. You focused entirely on him.

When you finished, you went and had a dinner on the balcony, talking about stars, cosmos, and people passing by on the street. Joe wrapped a blanket around you to make sure you won’t get cold. He asked you about how you felt and kept on reminding you that you’re valid and important for him and if you ever needed him, he’s there. Then you came back to his room and watched the Disney movie he suggested earlier. Before the ending, you were already yawning.

After all of that, late at night, he suggested he should come back home, but at this point you didn’t want him to go, so you persuaded him to stay. You felt better falling asleep in his arms, and he held you tightly, petting your back. The Joey bear was lying next to you on the pillow.

The last words you heard from your Joe before falling asleep was always “I love you,” whether it was through a text, call or in person. Tonight was no different.

“Sleep well, honey. I love you,” was the words you heard from him while you already were half-asleep from all the day’s exhaustions. You had a feeling that this night will be better than the previous one. And you sure hoped that if you had a nightmare, Joe would appear in your dream to save you, just like he protected you in real life.

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borhap-au · 4 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

Comforting Joe.

It’s been troubling two years for Joe, since his dad – his hero, his best friend, his role model, passed away. He still sometimes caught himself wanting to call him in times of trouble, and only when he couldn’t find his dad’s number on his contact list had he realized he will never be able to call him again. On daily basis Joe was caught up in other things, too busy for too much thinking, but around the time of his dad’s birthday or the anniversary of his passing, the thoughts come back again. You never dismissed his troubles, always let him cry on your shoulder, talked with him long hours about it if necessary. He confided in you, not scared of letting you know about any of his little secrets. You were generally someone who was able to lift him up, but those current times were really troubling for him. Not only did he lose his dad, but also in times of the pandemic the entire movie industry shut down, with him not being able to find a job. He didn’t star in any movie for two years, and it was hanging over his head, because he wanted to be able to provide for his family that he wanted to start with you. From all the troubles in his personal life and his career, he has experienced a writing block, not being able to write or edit any of the scrips for his future movies. Once, while checking his Twitter, he came across a thread of people hating on him, and that broke him a little. He didn’t talk much, he was rather quiet and wanted to spend more time alone. You let that go for a few days, hoping he will open up to you when he will be ready for it. Unfortunately that didn’t happen, so you decided to come to him and ask him directly about his troubles. He was hesitant at first, but then decided to let you know what was going on. It started off as usually, with him telling you how much he missed his dad.

“And you know, I should visit my mom more often. I don’t want to miss any moments with her, I’m done playing the adult role in my life, I’m done pretending I don’t need my parents and their guidance from time to time. I wanted everyone to see how independent I was, how I could handle everything on my own, and because of that I missed some of the very important moments with my dad. I should’ve visited him all the time when everything was still good,” he muttered quietly and laid his head on your legs, and you softly pet his head and shoulder. You understood him. You also lost a family member and you knew very well how that regret creeps in from time to time. At the same time you were very proud of Joe, for being able to talk about his loss, for the fact that he didn’t close it all in, and also that he let the entire world know how amazing his father was, in his posts on social media. Not many people were able to talk about their loss with such honesty. Moreover, you supported his charity work, also inspired by his father.

“So we will. We will visit her on the weekend, okay? And any time you need it,” you smiled and he looked at you. He reached his hand to your face and pet your cheek, smiling slightly. He felt your support and that was very important to him, especially in those moments.

“Are you sure about this? Those trips may be boring for you, I know you’re not really in for family meetings…” you shook your head, confirming what you’ve said before.

“Whenever you need me, I’ll go there with you. I like our little road trips,” you took his hand and laced your fingers. He pet your hand with his thumb.

“I’m happy to hear that then. I like when you go there with me. I hate not having you close. I always miss you. A lot,” you smiled, but before you could add anything, he continued. “But I also don’t want this to be a responsibility for you. We should both enjoy it equally.”

“I like going there with you. I like your mom. And I like to spend the nights in your old bedroom,” you smirked, letting him know what exactly you meant by that, also reminding him of a few very nice moments. He smiled as well, especially since you reassured him about certain things. “Even if you went alone, I’d follow you. I hate when you’re not around. Especially at night. I need to have your arm around me to feel safe, even at home,” he knew what you meant, because he also hated when he went to sleep and you weren’t there.

“Sounds like you love me,” he gave you a little smile and you immediately nodded.

“Of course I love you. With all my heart,” after all, you knew each other for a while and you were even planning the future together. Your feelings towards him didn’t change, if anything, you loved him more than before.

“Even though I’m a loser without a job?” after hearing that, you immediately hugged him tightly.

“You’re not a loser. And you have a job, your job is acting. We are just in a middle of a worldwide pandemic. Once it’s all over, you will have the Duck movie, and many more,” you smiled to him and quickly added. “And if they don’t consider you for the next Jurassic movie, I will sue those motherfuckers,” you joked and he immediately chuckled, because it was too funny for him how innocent you sounded while cursing. While he was still laughing, you continued.

“You’re one of my favorite actors, but not because I’m biased. You have a great range. From dramatic roles to comedy, you’ve nailed everything I’ve seen you in. And you’re a director too! Not to mention you write awesome scripts. If you want to, we can later do some brainstorming, maybe we will come up with another wonderful piece such as Undrafted.” He smiled when you mentioned that. He was really happy to hear that you enjoyed his movies, after all, he decided it’s you that he wants to impress for the rest of his life.

“You’re a blessing, you know? You’re amazing and gorgeous,” he smiled, petting your cheek. You chuckled quietly, because in your opinion, it was way too far-fetched to call you all those things. But he believed differently. “You make me feel better, not only about all of this, but also about myself. Seeing you always makes me think: how did I get so lucky to have you all to myself? And then I start thinking that maybe all the flaws I see in myself, maybe they don’t really matter to you. And that’s a very important thing to notice. That something that to me is a big problem, something that I believe is too visible for anyone not to notice, the same thing for you is either too small to be a problem, or not noticeable at all. It always makes me feel better.”

It was really everything you needed to hear. It was your goal to be your boyfriend’s biggest supporter, not only in a way that would be visible to others, but also to him. You wanted him to feel appreciated and loved in the relationship. You wanted to always lift him up, instead of putting him down. Life was already miserable enough in itself, and you wanted to be able to bring happiness into the life of your biggest source of joy, your man, Joey.

“As an actor,” he continued, “I am aware of every little part of my body that may not appear flattering on screen. That’s also why I turned to comedy, because it doesn’t matter how you look like on screen as long as you make others laugh. But around you, I feel like I could be right there on screen alongside all those Pitts and Goslings, and compete with them, and even win. Of course that will never happen, but I just wanted to put into words the things you make me feel,” he smiled, sat up and kissed you softly. You put your hand on his cheek, kissing him back.

“In my heart, you’ll always win with them. I don’t care about any Pitts, Goslings or anyone else, as long as I have my Mazzello. To me, you’re amazing, and handsome, and overall attractive. You’re my supermodel, my Oscar-winning actor and director, in my mind, you deserve everything that’s the best in the world, because you make my life better. And not only mine. You read all of those messages from girls telling you how much they love your movies, your comedy, your YouTube channel. You to them are what Brad Pitt is to others. Not everyone has the same taste, and to some of them, you are the perfect man. I know you are to me. You’re funny and you care about others. I don’t know what can be more attractive than a good heart. Not to mention, you really step out of your comfort zone to make others laugh. You’re such a dork sometimes. God, I love you for it,” you chuckled and you both instinctively hugged each other. There was no place better than right there, in his arms.

“You like my comedy?” he muttered, petting your back. You smiled and kissed his shoulder.

“I love it. Anytime I hear you have an idea for a new YouTube video, I literally want to see it right there and then, even if you haven’t finished it yet. I just love every single one of your projects, no matter how small. And that one video, in which you told us it was okay to make fun of you or even insult you, as long as it will make it easier for us to get through quarantine? That was so selfless and amazing, I had tears in my eyes just watching it. You’re my love, my idol, my hero, my everything, Joey. I hope you feel it every day.”

“Oh, I’m your hero now, huh? Good to know, will annoy you with that for the rest of your life,” he joked, because he didn’t really know how to respond to that. It was beautiful and overwhelming to him, but he felt happy after hearing that. You could see it in his eyes. “And since I’m a hero, then you must be my princess,” you nodded when he said that, because you always loved the pet names he had for you.

“And I can promise you, my knight in shining armor, my prince charming…”

“Your king…”

“Let’s not go that far,” you both laughed. “I promise you that everything will be okay, as long as we have each other. I’m here for you and I always will be. I swear.”

“Thank you for it. I love you, Princess,” he pet your cheek, smiling.

“I love you too…”

“King.”

“No,” once again you chuckled, and you knew that when Joe was able to crack jokes like that all the time, everything will be alright.

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borhap-au · 4 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles

Talking about future.

you were laying on a couch in your apartment

actually, your legs were on Joe

some movie was playing in the background, but you didn’t pay much attention to it

your head was on the pillows and your eyes were shut

you were smiling

Joe was softly petting your legs

you always enjoyed every single one of his little gestures

and he did not spare you any, he loved showing you affection

finally he said: this

“hmm?” you opened your eyes to look at him

this is what I want from life

you looked surprised at the screen thinking he meant something that happened in the movie

no, no, he smiled, I meant us, here

“we’re not doing anything special” you smiled a bit at him

it is special to me

cause you are here, and it’s so peaceful, and you’re smiling

“I’m smiling cause I’m happy. cause you make me happy”

you smile wider

“you know what? this is what I want too”

I want this, but upgraded

“upgraded?”

yes. you, me, and a little one. more than one, if you agree

“you want a kiddo?” you smiled

don’t tell me you didn’t know it

“we never talk much about it”

cause I don’t want to spook you!

he chuckled quietly

but in truth I can’t wait to see your face in miniature

“you mean, your face. this adorable little cheeks and ginger hair”

oh no. everything but the ginger hair. don’t make them suffer like this he chuckled

“and I want my babies to be ginger. I want them to be exactly like you”

I just want them to be healthy and for you to be their mom. that’s all I’m asking for

“you think about it often?”

all the time

“really?”

yes. I mean, I’m happy here with you and if it stays like his, I will remain happy, but I’d rather have this home... fuller. with those small little feet running around

“I actually really love the idea”

after you finish college?

“and after we get married, yes” you nodded

that’s something you think about often?

“I already chose my dress!” you chuckled and he joined you

for real?

“I mean I didn’t buy it or anything, but I know how I want my wedding dress to look like”

“...and how your suit s h o u l d look like” you two laughed more

you already thought of everything?

“more or less, yeah. I want a wedding in june or july”

great, we can start searching for the wedding invitations

“wait, I didn’t mean this year-”

why not?

“you don’t just marry someone out of the blue, you need to think about it-”

you just said you did

“yeah, I did, but it’s typical for girls my age. I meant more like... you need to be sure you love the other person that much”

and you have doubts?

you shook your head

“no, I don’t. I know that if I spend my life with you, I’ll be happy”

so what’s the problem?

“we aren’t together long enough...”

honey. we are together long enough. we’re not rushing anything. so what’s the problem? why do you want to postpone it?

“I’m-” you sighed

“I’m just not sure if you thought this through. and if you won’t regret it...”

you really think I would just throw caution to the winds?

if I didn’t mean it with my whole heart, I wouldn’t ever start the conversation

I wouldn’t hurt you like that

“so you meant all of this?”

I want to make all of your dreams come true. and I want to marry you. if you want to wait ‘till another june or july, it’s fine. no rush. but I want you to know that no matter what, you are my princess. and I want to make you my queen

and the ring is in the drawer of my bedside table, if you decide to say ‘yes’

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borhap-au · 4 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

Joe’s girl feels down and needs him to be there for her.

He knew something was wrong. You could see it from just looking at him. He wasn’t like he always was. He was not playful, he didn’t crack jokes. He didn’t smile. He knew you felt bad. And – what broke your heart to a thousand pieces – he thought it was his fault.

“Please, please, please, just tell me” he looked you deep in the eyes, holding your hands in his. He was leaning towards you, sitting on the chair opposite you. Your mind was pure chaos. You knew well what was bothering you, despite telling him you were just in bad mood, without a reason. Yet it was so hard to say out loud. It wasn’t a one-time thing, it was happening for quite a long time… And you never truly admitted to anyone what was going on in your head. But it was the right time, the only right time if there ever was one. Right here and there – just to reassure the man you loved more than anything else in the world that it was not his fault.

“Where do I start… Well, fuck. Do you really feel like listening to all this? Because it is a long story, and as much as it’s important to me, I know nobody else cares, so…” you started. You honestly doubted he was ready for what’s about to come. He probably thought it was just about a stupid fight with your friend, or that you didn’t fit in your favourite jeans. He didn’t know how deeply it was rooted in your brain.

“Yes. I am ready and willing to listen to you no matter how long you want to speak. Please, tell me everything. I’m begging you” you smiled sadly looking at him. Despite feeling down you knew one thing – Joe was perfect. He was the perfect boyfriend, he was so loving, caring, so sweet. And you wanted to give him much more than you believed you were.

“I hate myself” he wanted to interrupt, but you didn’t allow him. “Just let me get all of this out of my chest. Then you can say whatever you want about it.” He nodded slowly letting you proceed.

“It’s not a new thing, I did since I was like… 12? You know, I was one of the cool kids when I was very young. I was believed to be pretty, smart, interesting. Always told by everyone I will go far, I will go wherever I want actually. Got the best grades, boys were interested in me, I had expensive clothes, beautiful hair… You know, the things that are important when you’re 12. And then I entered my teenage years and the reality hit me. Hard. I got much fatter than I used to be, I got acne, I heard for the first time that I’m ugly. We got new subjects and there were kids I could never catch up with, because I prefer languages, history. I was never good at physics or PE. I realised I’m more of an introvert type. I got less and less popular. I had a really toxic best friend that bent my worldview, but also my self-esteem. I was always in her shadow and at her every wish. I’m pretty sure my parents just got me because well, they… happened to have me. Neither of them is really meant to be a parent, they don’t know what they’re doing, really. And when I got into my rebel phase, they never understood me. They still don’t. Nobody in my family really does. They’re all like: “socialize more” or “lose some weight” or “all your problems start with you.” Well of course they start with me, Karen, I am the problem! I’m never good enough. All the people around me make me feel bad about who I am. I’m an introvert, and logically, there is nothing bad about it. It’s just the type of personality I have. But no. “You should go out! Meet people! You’re like a freak all by yourself in your room. You don’t socialize because you have no friends, is that the case?” Or if I’m shy and I don’t feel ready to be an adult yet, I’m scared to go on a job interview, I don’t like strangers, I have a fear of being rejected. And it is not my fault. I’m just that kind of a person. I do make money, just differently, I teach a few kids I know. But no, all the other people my age make fucking millions. “Oh, your cousin has bought a house. Your friend is balancing three job and college. Oh, my friend’s son is travelling all around the world.” Oh, well, good for them for fuck’s sake. I’m not like them. I’m not perfect. Just tell me I’m a fucking disappointment already. Just disown me. Because all of those little comments just make me feel like shit. And yes, it took me years to find a boyfriend so I obviously heard about it too. “Oh, you’re just jealous it’s not you.” No, I’m not jealous. And even if I was, I still wouldn’t like listening about other people’s love and sex life. I’m just not interested in those things. Honestly, I try to be a good friend, but when you’re the only single person that constantly need to give advices to those in relationships… It gets tiring. And of course nobody has ever been proud of me, not since childhood. I try, and try, and work my ass off and when I for example score 90% from a very difficult exam, all I hear is “why not 100%?” I’m not smart enough. I stress about everything. And when I stress, I eat. So I can’t just get slimmer. I can’t get motivation to work out, because I can’t get a motivation to live. I don’t feel like getting out of bed. I’m not smart, pretty, skinny… Not even interesting or charming. I’m annoying. I can see in people’s eyes they had enough of me few minutes into our conversation. I always feel worse, like I’m not good enough for anything, like literally everyone’s better. At everything. I don’t have my own thing. And even if I find something, soon people turn to the person that is better than me. I’m not anyone’s favourite person-"

“Oh no, I need to interrupt you here. You are MY favourite person. You are my favourite person on the whole planet. And I’m really sorry you don’t see how beautiful you are. I know the girls in the magazines look differently. And good! Because they are not real. They’re photoshopped. And we are made to believe this is what we want – this is what girls should look like, and in those kind of women we are supposed to fall in love with. But they don’t exist. To achieve such a small flat stomach you would have to get rid of all your organs. It doesn’t work like this. You are slim. You are beautiful. Why do we even care about the standards of beauty other people tell us we should have? You are my standard of beauty. I’ve never seen more beautiful eyes or smile in my life. I look at you and I just immediately smile to myself, thinking how lucky I am and how happy you make me feel. When you’re laughing, goofing around, when you do absolutely anything. They make money on dieting, sport related things, “healthy” food, proteins, whatever. They want us to hate ourselves. To always try to achieve the impossible. Because then we buy more. Because we are sad, depressed. Easily manipulated by the media. And I don’t want you to let them win. Because you are so fucking beautiful, girl, I had a crush on you since the first day we’ve met. I adore your body. I cannot take my eyes off you when you’re walking past me. You are the reason I’m happy and I want to be the same for you. And I am proud of you. I’m incredibly proud of every single achievement you attain. I always tell people what a good person you are, how loving and caring you are. I notice everything. And if you got 90% from a test I know damn well there is not a single person that got 100%. Because nobody is better than you are. And nobody knows more about the things you’re passionate about. And to me there’s nobody that can overshadow you. You are the one and only, the only one I see when you walk into a room. You’re your own light. And you have enough to give me a bit of that too. Because this is what kind of person you are. You give instead of taking from people. You are very special. And anybody who doesn’t see how blessed they are to have you in their life can go fuck themselves. I see it and I know that I am. You mean so much to me. And I see that you’re trying and honestly in the circumstances given, you really do well. You don’t have to compare yourself to others. They all had a different start. They came from a different place, they had different people around them. Especially since you only had people discouraging you. You achieved it on your own. You owe it all to yourself. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert, when will people acknowledge that? It’s not a mental disease like they want it to appear. “15 ways for introverts to appear as extroverts!” What about manuals for extroverts to be more quiet and understanding sometimes? And you never disappointed me. Since we’re together I’ve been so much happier and I really wish I could do the same for you. I don’t know where I’m making the mistake-“ you stopped him with a kiss.

You were listening to all that he was saying not believing this man is yours. He was like a blessing, he understood everything you had in your mind and was able to help you understand very important things too. And he loved you. Loved you more than you allowed yourself to believe. He was genuinely interested in you and your problems. He wanted to help, however he could. He even blamed himself for not doing more. Yet he did so much more than anyone else in your life before. In that brief moment, you felt happier. You knew it wasn’t the end of fighting for your happiness, it was just the beginning. But you finally felt like you wanted to fight. He made you want to take appropriate steps to change the voice in your head. Because for once you felt like someone actually wants you to be better, but in a sense that they cheer for you, not that they’re disappointed in who you are. And you knew it’s a long fight and there will be many defeats. You knew the excitement you felt now won’t last forever. But the moment you felt his lips on yours, his hands on your back, bringing you close, you knew you had a reason to fight for your happiness for. He was your reason.

“Believe me or not, I actually feel better now… It was good to finally talk to someone about it. But please don’t tell me that you feel bad, because it’s your fault… It isn’t. It started happening long before I met you. I don’t expect you to come into ruins and build a castle from them. I just love you so much for the fact you enjoy what you’re seeing for the reasons others hate it.” He smiled a bit petting your cheeks with his thumbs and kissed your forehead.

“I love you very much. And if they don’t see how amazing you are, it’s their loss, not yours. You have the people that truly care around you. You have me. And you will have me as long as you need me. I’m here, always. Call me at 3 AM, no problem. Text me and I’m here. Stay over at my house whenever you please, fall asleep in my arms if that calms you. Let me know if you need my attention more than usually. Hit me up when you need someone to encourage you. I will do all of it for you, and more, but please, just let me know you need those things. I’m not a mind reader, although I wish I was. I cannot help you if you won’t tell me something’s wrong.” He looked at you concerned. After all, he still wasn’t sure if he did enough. He was truly worried. He really cared.

“Only if you promise me that you will do the same. Maybe you think I don’t know it, but I do. You feel down sometimes too. And I don’t want to feel like I’m nosey and I try to dig out something you don’t want to tell me about. But I do care so much about you, and I want you to tell me, always. If I see that you don’t, I won’t tell you either. Either we’re both in this relationship, caring for each other and helping each other, or… There is no deal. I don’t want you to suffer quietly and then come here to help me. Men can feel bad too. You should allow yourself for it, rather than keeping it in and pretending all is fine. Men can be emotional, men can cry. And you can cry on my shoulder whenever you want. I’ll do anything I can to help you overcome your problems.” He sat on the couch next to you and you leaned on him, snuggling. He pet your back.

“I promise you. Actually, there’s something- I didn’t tell you this before, but I really like when you ask me all those little questions. Like how am I, is everything alright, did I took everything, how was my day, am I feeling well physically and mentally, did I dress appropriately, didn’t forget to eat… It may seem stupid, but I really love those things. They make me realise how much you care for me, to take time to think about those things. And I like resting my head on your stomach hugging you in bed. It makes me feel close to you, I love hearing your heartbeat. Those little things are important to me.” He smiled slightly when you nodded making sure to remember all of it.

“I like when you text me first thing in the morning. And when you come here out of the blue. I like when you’re showing me affection, hug me, hold my hand, caress my body. I like when you speak about your emotions. I like when you say”

“I love you” you both said at the same time and you smiled.

“Exactly. And I love that you listen.” You added.

“Because you listen too. I have boys who listen to me when I’m excited about sports; mom, if I want to talk about job opportunities or my dreams… I can always find someone who listens if I talk about good things. Nobody else listens when I feel down. Nobody else but you. You understand the importance of my mental health. I hope one day you’ll understand how important your health is. How important you are. ‘Cause to me, you mean everything.” He kissed your head.

“If one day I feel like I’m good enough, it will be thanks to you.”

“You are so much better than just that. You could fucking own the world if you wanted to. You can do, achieve, whatever you really want. You are a queen to me. I love you to the moon and back. And I’m so fucking proud to call you my girl. You just make other people happy. You make me happy. You know how much it’s worth? In the world where everything brings you down? It’s priceless. You are priceless. And I don’t know what more to tell you other than this girl – the one I have in my arms right now – is the reason I go out of bed, if feel like I’m flying instead of walking and whenever I know you got interested in something new, I can’t wait to hear you talking about it, gesticulating and being all excited. I love it. I love those moments with you. I’m always happy when I know we will meet on that day. It makes me feel alive.”

You listened to him carefully. He was better than you could imagine him. You knew he really would come at 3 PM to comfort you if you asked him to. And it was so important to have someone like that in your life.

“I don’t know what to say either. I just love you so much.”

“I love you too. From the moment you said you want to be with me, the life has been surreal. I feel like it’s all just a perfect dream. I’m in coma and I will wake up and you will be gone, my angel.”

“I’m here, Joey. I’m as real as it gets. Why are you here, though, I cannot understand.”

“Because you make me happy. I don’t feel obliged to be with you or any other bullshit the voices have been telling you. Actually, I would be happy if you became my wife one day. Because if I spent my life making sure you feel great and loved, then I would consider my life to be a fulfilling one. I’m not here because I have to, or something like that. I need you. My beautiful, intelligent, attractive, charming girl. My best friend. Just please, stay with me. Just as long as I make you happier than others would. If you find someone better, I will step aside. Because I genuinely only care about your well-being. I love you so much it hurts when I’m not around you.”

“Do you mean all this?” it’s like he’s been reading your mind. He told you exactly what you needed to hear.

“Every single word. Please, just try anything to be happy and I promise to be there, on the way with you, cheering for you and telling you how proud I am for every little step. And I mean all of this too.”

“Who would I be without you?” You asked rhetorically. You knew the answer was “nothing”, but you didn’t want to say it, since it would hurt him to hear you saying it about someone he loved so much.

“An ambitious girl with a bright future in front of her. Honey, you would be exactly who you are right now. I don’t make you whole, you are whole. I’m just an addition. You don’t necessarily need me, but you want me, and I’m happy and proud of it. And I will stay as long as you want me to. Helping you achieve what you would achieve on your own anyway and hopefully much more. I will not leave you. I’m here, for you. Always.”

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borhap-au · 5 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles

Falling asleep in Joe’s arms

you had your little ritual before going to sleep

every night when you came out of the bathroom he was already laying in bed

he smiled and complimented your look

whether you looked cute in a messy bun, or sexy in his shirt (he would never admit it, but he always gave you the shortest one not without a reason) he never failed to point it out

when you get under the quilt, he immediately hugs you

he loves to be your big spoon

he always needs to touch you - whether it’s a hand resting on your arm, hip, or he’s simply holding your hand - he has to feel your presence

you especially liked when you didn’t have your pants on and he moved his hand on your bare leg

when he’s extra needy for your attention, he moves his nose on your neck, tickling you

sometimes he purrs sweet nothings right into your ear

every night he buries his face in your hair

your hair eventually annoys him after a few minutes and he gets them out of his face, but he just likes the smell of your shampoo

and like Axl Rose wrote “her hair reminds me of the warm safe place” - that’s how Joe felt about you

not to mention how you loved his smell

he always either smelled of an aftershave, shower gel or perfume, and since you chose all of them for him, you were sure they’re all good

he often kissed your head or your shoulder - that was his favourite place when he couldn’t reach your lips

but you needed him just as much as he needed you, so every night you turned your head to kiss his lips and he immediately kissed you back

every time you kissed for a solid few minutes before you turned around and fell asleep trying to get as close to him as you could

he was warm, he was just perfect to sleep with during winters

sometimes he caressed softly your body to show you how much he adores you right until you fell asleep with a smile on your face

you always fell asleep first, you felt so safe and happy with him by your side

nothing could break your mood when you felt his chest on your back and his arm around you

although not every night you fell asleep spooning

sometimes he fell asleep with his head on your stomach

you both loved and hated that

you loved that you could repay him for all he’s done for you and for once take care of him - pet his head, arm, back, play with his hair, just make him feel good and safe

but you hated that because you knew that if Joey rests his head on your stomach without saying a word, it means he has a problem, or simply is stressed out

he liked that position because it calmed him

he felt your heartbeat and knew your heart beats for him, like his beats for you

he always pet your stomach, sometimes leaving little kisses

but never said a word

you knew there was no reason to push him, he eventually told you anyway, he just needed his time to think

if either of you couldn’t sleep, you put on a gentle classical music or nature sounds and told each other stories

whether they were real ones or made up ones, you always loved them

Joe has a gift for telling stories and even bigger one for making them up

there was also one other position you loved

and sometimes you managed to hug him first and establish your dominance

that’s when you chose to rest your head on his chest, snuggling

cause you also loved the sound of his heartbeat

you loved that you could kiss his chest, pet it

move your hand all over his body

somehow your hand always landed on THOSE ARMS gently squeezing them, cause his biceps were such a pleasurable view for you

but most importantly you loved how he put his strong arm around you

always petting your arm and kissing your forehead

that was also a position where you could smell his aftershave and he could smell your shampoo

you thought that maybe it wasn’t about the smell after all

maybe it was just that those smells reminded you of each other

and they meant you are in each other’s arms again after a long day

#joe mazzello #joseph mazzello #fluff #canon #headcanons #tim murphy #pat murray #Bohemian rhapsody #Jurassic Park #undrafted #fanfic #fanfiction #request #girlfriend #love #relationship #joe x reader #the fluffy chronicles

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borhap-au · 5 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles

Spending Joe’s birthday with him

he didn’t want a party, which surprised you

I mean he did want to meet his friends, but his evening he wanted to spend just with you

so until 9 PM you two met with all his childhood/high school/BoRhap friends and family

and then there was a time for just the two of you

honesty, you were already exhausted

you didn’t drink, but you danced, ‘cause Gwilym wouldn’t let you just sit in the corner (even though you wanted that) when everyone else were on the dancefloor

Joey was a bit tipsy, but only a tiny bit

he didn’t want to disappoint you tonight, so he mostly just talked with his friends and slowly sipped his drink

and danced, of course, and obviously he made you dance with him

but today was his day so you did everything he wanted you to do

there was also karaoke, and you both sang “you’re the one that I want” from Grease

he also sang your favourite love song to you

you bought like the most perfect Dinosaur birthday cake and only put 18 candles in

he blew them all at once

you made many pictures with the Polaroid you got him for his birthday

you also wore the same dress you did on another party

you very much wanted to wear something else

but Joey totally loved you in that one and you just couldn’t say no to those puppy eyes

he always says that “every day is a national "eat something that’s going to make you fat” day" so you ate a lot of pizza, chips and everything

yes, Cardboard Ben was also there, but he left early because he just couldn’t agree with the “real” Ben

Joe really liked the party, but was glad when it was over

because he got himself a gift for his birthday too

it was a very sexy, silk, red underwear that cost too much for you to ever buy it

but he saw it on a shop window exhibition and totally had to see you in it

after spending a few minutes telling him how you thought that kind of gift is way too expensive, you finally agreed to wear it

unsure of what goes where, you came out of the bathroom after ten minutes, feeling a little bit stupid

not because the underwear wasn’t beautiful, it really was, but you didn’t think something so sexy suited you

you were more of that clumsy type of sexy that always made Joe chuckle and he loved that about you

but tonight, you looked like a Victoria’s Secret model and he just couldn’t take his eyes off you

again, you agreed to do anything he wanted, but Joe wasn’t too unusual when it came to sex

he liked a little bit of dominance, but he totally let you top if you wanted to, and he loved aftercare just as much as you did (I made a post about falling asleep in Joe’s arms - that was something like that)

you loved when he kissed you

it wasn’t just a typical, ordinary kiss you had with your previous boyfriends

Joe’s lips and tongue told you everything he couldn’t put into words

and that night, you kissed a lot, almost constantly, as if the day you spend with others felt to both of you like a year apart and you immediately needed to catch up

Joe had his hands on your body, but contrary to you previous experience, that didn’t make you feel bad, you didn’t think about any of the extra kilograms you might’ve had

all you could think about was Hey Violet’s song “Guys my age”

“cause you hold me like a woman, in a way I never felt before, and it makes me want to hold on, and it makes me want to be all yours”

despite being younger, you didn’t feel worse in any way, less experienced or anything, because Joe really made you feel like a woman, his woman

he liked to say that a lot - “my girl/my woman” - and you always thought the tiny bit of jealousy in his voice when other men spoke about you was really cute

you made a whole bunch of Polaroid pictures of just the two of you, but you sure won’t show them to anyone else

you said “happy birthday” like 36 times

you also wished him to all of his dreams come true, and that night, when you lied in his arms, he told you “you made all of my current wishes come true, honey. And you managed to do that in one day”

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borhap-au · 5 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles

BF!Joe

Imagine you and your best friend in a book shop

Joe is there as well ofc

But he’s in a different section

And you look at all those books about movies

And come around one about Jurassic Park

You open it up on a random page

And see your boyfriend’s cute little face

He’s about nine in the photo

You smile immediately

“y/bff/n, look”

And you show her the picture and she smiles too

“or look here”

And you show her another one, and another

And you finally whisper

“I want one of those”

And she knows damn well you don’t talk about the book

You talk about a baby that’s gonna look like little Joe

And yes, he was the cutest

And then Joe shows up

Leans over your shoulder

And says as if it was the most normal gift you can wish for, as if you asked for the book

“I can give you one of those in nine months”

And kisses your cheek

And then proceeds to go and look at other things

And at first you cannot hide your smile

Because well, you’re way younger than him and yet he thinks about you so seriously

Heart eyes, obviously

You’ve probably never been more in love

And your bff smiles with you, knowing she leaves you in his safe hands

But then, after a second, you turn to him and ask suspiciously

“what’s with all the do it yourself gifts, Joe”

And he laughs

“I wanted to bestow us both”

And he kills you again bc now you know he for reals wants to start a family with you

#Joe Mazzello #Jurassic Park #Joseph Mazzello #Tim Murphy #au #headcanons #imagine #canon #bohemian rhapsody cast #best friend #undrafted #the fluffy chronicles #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello fanfiction #joe mazzello fic #one minute men #bf!joe

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borhap-au · 5 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles

Meeting Joe.

(if you don’t know the blind dinosaur joke, go find out about it)

you and Rami has been friends for years

your birthday’s really soon and he decides to take you somewhere

but first you have to visit him on set

he’s making “The Pacific”

so there’s the lunch break and you sit in the cafeteria

you sit opposite him at the table

you just chat and laugh

and then Rami just asks whether you’ve seen Jurassic Park

and you’re like “duuuh, it’s a classic!”

“remember that little ginger boy from the first and second part?”

“I think his name was Tim? Yeah, sure”

Rami’s like “see that guy over there?”

and he makes you look over his shoulder

you nod when you see the guy by the window

“that’s the boy. It’s him”

you almost screamed

“Bullshit!”

you and Rami stare at him for a while

Rami couldn’t take his eyes off Joe anyway

I’m joking

but also I’m not, just look at their scenes from the Pacific

the ginger guy looks through the window

and then he turns his head

and looks straight at you

you and Rami turn your heads back immidiately

starts to talk about something passionately

pretending you did not just stare at him

you take your bag and pretend to search for something very important

no looking up

and you ask Rami “do you think he saw us?”

not realising what you just said

you only hear a weird sound from Rami

like he’s trying to laugh, but he covers his mouth

and you hear an unknown voice coming from right next to your table

“no, he was blind”

and you look up

and there he is

Joe fucking Mazzello

your face turns red immidiately

you’re doing a little face palm, but Joe just laughs

he isn’t offended at all

he asks if he could join you and you and Rami say yes

“I’m Joe btw”

you both smile

“and this, kids, is how I met your father”

#Joe Mazzello #blind dinosaur joke #don't mind me I think it's cute af #Tim Murphy #au #headcanons #The Pacific #Eugene Sledgehammer Sledge #Merriell Snafu Shelton #fanfiction #Jurassic Park #since Joe mentioned Jurassic #I had to #he talked about it at the SAG Awards #the fluffy chronicles #Rami Malek #joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello fic #joe mazzello fanfiction

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borhap-au · 4 years

Text

Joe Mazzello: the fluffy chronicles.

Joe Mazzello - Scars.

When your kisses became more intense Joe put the laptop away, stopping the movie. Then he got up from the bed and went to turn the lights on.

“Leave the lights off. Please,” you tried to give him a glimpse of a smile. You knew Joey wanted to make love to you, and you weren’t comfortable with him seeing your body in its full glory. You had some scars you were ashamed of and you didn’t want Joe to notice them.

He sighed quietly. It wasn’t the first time you asked him for a favor like this, in fact, you never let him turn the lights on, and when you were intimate during the day, when the sun was still high up, you used your dark curtains to make the room darker. You said it was to make the atmosphere in the room more intimate, but Joe started to figure out your reasons.

“Y/N,” he said quietly, almost whispering, while sitting on the bed next to you. “What is it? Why do you always insist on having sex in the dark?” he gently pet your leg, wanting you to feel his touch, his closeness, and his affection.

“It’s for the atmosphere,” you used the same excuse again, but this time it just couldn’t work on him.

“I know it’s not. Please tell me the truth. Did I do something wrong?” he looked at you with concern in his eyes. He wanted you to feel just as good as you always made him feel.

“No, of course not. Come on, let’s forget about it. We were in a middle of something,” you put your hand on his bare chest, and then moved it to the side of his body, trying to bring him closer to you. He was shirtless from the foreplay you two already started that was interrupted so that Joe could turn the lights on and have a good look on you that you weren’t planning to allow.

“No, I mean it. Did I hurt you somehow? Did I touch you the wrong way? I always asked you for permission. Did you give me consent without meaning it?” he started to come up with all those different theories or why you acted the way you did towards him.

“No, no, Joey. It’s none of your fault. You were always very good to me,” you reassured him, petting his cheek. You never wanted him to feel bad, as he never did anything to deserve it. He was a very sweet boyfriend and a generous lover, you had hardly anything to complain about when it came to him.

“So don’t I deserve the truth? Why do you hide it from me?” all of his questions came only from the fact he was concerned about you. He wanted to make sure everything that wasn’t alright, would soon become nothing but a memory.

“Because that’s my thing. I try to hide things so you like me better,” you muttered quietly, avoiding his gaze.

“What?” he looked at you in disbelief. “What are you trying to tell me right now?”

“I hide my body from you, so you don’t see it, at least not that well. I just don’t want you to notice… The imperfections and all,” you muttered, still looking down. He got up, and you thought he was leaving, but when you looked up, he turned the lights on.

“No, please,” you immediately hid your body under the quilt. “I’m not ready. Please.”

“Girly… You saw me. My entire body, with all the imperfections. And do you really think I’m so materialistic to care about some minor imperfections? They don’t define your value. It’s your humor, your charisma that make you who you are. Your intelligence. There’s so much more to you than some imperfections that only you notice. Please. I love you for who you are, and not for how you look like, even though for me you’re gorgeous inside out and I feel lucky to be with someone so smart and beautiful. Can I?” he asked, sitting next to you, and gently pulling the quilt. You looked at him for a while and then sighed quietly. You knew you couldn’t hide your body forever. Eventually he had to see it. So you let him put the quilt away.

To your surprise, he didn’t immediately start to look for the things you tried to hide. On the contrary, he smiled to you and focused first on your lips, kissing you passionately. He was so tender that it made you smile to yourself, while prolonging the kiss.

Then he started kissing your jawline and quickly moved his kisses to your neck. You held your breath when he began to take off your shirt, and soon after, your bra. Only then he looked at your chest. There were a few scars here and there. Some of them made on purpose, some of them accidental, and all of them made you persuade yourself that you weren’t perfect, when in Joe’s eyes you were the exact opposite. You were his perfection.

You had most of your scars on your forearms, mostly around the wrists. You always wore long sleeves, bracelets and wristbands, so that nobody could see. But today your hands were naked, and Joe could finally see everything that you’ve been hiding. He began to plant small kisses on your hands. You looked at him a bit surprised.

“You aren’t… Disgusted?” you asked unsure. He smiled to you, petting the side of your body with his thumb.

“Of course not. I would never be disgusted by you. You’re stunning,” he softly kissed your stomach and you immediately pulled in your belly. “No, don’t do that, please. I love your body the way it is. All of it. And I’m really happy I can finally see it in full light.”

He then began to take off your trousers. Legs were also a frequent victim of your razor blade. He moved his hand on your hip, feeling the uneven skin where your scars were.

“Can you promise me you’ll stop?” he spoke softly, not trying to patronize you. It was all out of care for you and honest, deep concern for your mental health.

“I’m already done with this. Those aren’t fresh. I did them all months ago. Definitely before I met you,” you reassured him. “But it doesn’t change the fact I feel awful about them.”

“All the scars are your journey. It’s what you’ve been through in your life. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, I want you to know and feel that I will always love and protect you. But what happened in the past happened, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that. It’s what made you. It’s what brought you to me. I don’t mind your scars, just like you don’t mind all the imperfections on my body. You don’t look at me counting all the things that are bad, you look at me with love. I can see that. So why can’t you see that it’s exactly how I feel about you too? This body, your body, brings me so much joy and satisfaction. Why would I hate anything about it? Your body is you. And I love you,” he started kissing your thighs, especially the places you had scars on. His lips were warm and they made you feel hot inside, because despite the conversation that has been going on, it was still Joe fucking Mazzello kissing your body. And he could’ve had anyone in the world, but yet, he wanted you, and- Exactly. He wanted you.

“And you’re going to stay…? Even though I look like this…?” you muttered quietly, unwilling to stop his kisses.

“You mean gorgeous? Wonderful? Stunning? How do you look like, girly?” he looked at you smiling. “Because you look like all those adjectives to me. I’m not going to leave you because of some imperfections only you see in yourself. I don’t care about them. I care about you, and you’ve always been good and caring towards me. You made me feel loved. You made me feel like the best, most handsome guy in the world, even though I know I’m not one. But that’s the power of your love. And I want to give you exactly the same. I want you to believe me when I say that to me, you are perfect. You’re kind-hearted and funny and you bring light to my life. You’re my sunshine.”

“And you’re my moon and stars,” you smiled and kissed his head, leaning towards him. He smiled too.

“Where you see scars, I see hands that pet my body, make me feel good, give the best handjobs I ever had and trust me, I mean it,” you blushed when you heard that, but you couldn’t hide a smile. “You see scars, but I see stomach that I lay my head on when I felt bad, and you moved your fingers through my hair, calming me down. You see scars, but I see the legs that are not only sexy, but also strong enough to make you walk miles with me on our trips. I see not only the body that turns me on and gives me incredible pleasure, but also the person who this body belongs to. I see kindness, love, friendship. And no, I don’t love you despite the imperfections. I love you because of them. Because every single part of you makes you who you are, and that’s the person I fell in love with. I understand you may feel insecure, but I really hope I’ll be able to help you overcome your problems. Please, don’t ever think again that I’m shallow enough to break up with you because of any of those things you see when you look in the mirror that made you unsure of yourself. I’m sure of you, and I’m sure of us. You should feel like a strong, confident, badass woman that you are. And I want to do anything that’s in my power to make you feel that way,” at the end of the sentence he took your underwear off.

His lips soon wandered around your labia, kissing them, licking, and taking care of your clit with his tongue and lips. While he was doing all of that, his words resonated with you. While your body was filled with enormous pleasure, your mind revised his message. While his hands gently wandered around your body, while he was softly petting your body, your scars, you felt more loved and cared for than ever before. Only then you realized that this situation was exactly the opposite of what you thought would happen. Your fear made you unable to see how much Joe loved you, how much he wanted to make you happy. You felt better about your body now than ever before. Because you saw him treating it with such love and worship, because you realized he doesn’t mind all of the things you managed to convince yourself were too big and hideous for him to see you as sexy. You tried to hide from him, but actually, if he was able to see you long ago, your journey toward self-acceptance would have started long ago. And of course, it was not the end of it, it was just the beginning. But it was the first time you ever felt that maybe you aren’t that bad, that maybe you can be loved exactly for who you are.

Joe was being extra gentle with you. He made sure to kiss and touch every part of your body, so you were aware of it, but not ashamed of it. Of course he was worried about your mental health, because he wanted you to feel happy, and to never again feel the need to scar yourself. But the scars in itself were nothing he couldn’t live with. Actually, he didn’t mind them at all, as long as they were a memory of the past, not fresh signs you’re unwell again. He wanted you to feel good and safe with him.

You didn’t want to be on top, not that night. You already felt exposed, it was definitely enough for one day. But you felt really good when you two did it in the missionary position, with him being on you, protecting you, as if you were under his wings (after all, he was your guardian angel). He pet your cheek and smiled, admiring you. His thrusts were slow and gentle, he was being very careful with you that night, almost as if it was the first time you two ever had sex together. You didn’t mind that at all actually. You felt appreciated, especially when he planted kisses all over your face, making you chuckle. After sex, when he lay down next to you on the bed, he let you hide your body under the quilt. It was enough for one day, he didn’t want you to feel too exposed. But for you it didn’t feel like a necessity anymore, you didn’t immediately cover yourself up like you used to. That night you covered both of you, and simply hugged him. He smiled and kissed your head. That night you went to sleep without clothes on, and you let him pet your body under the quilt. It was just a beginning, but it was a step in the right direction on the journey of self-acceptance.

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