Oh nothing, I'm just thinking about how Scar started secret life with his poncho showing sunflowers, which symbolize loyalty, longevity, and the sun. Y'know, the sun like the way we equate Grian to being due to him living and winning in the desert and being a disastrously bright person. And the loyalty he pledged and kept to Scar even after his debt was repaid. The longest standing players. I'm just thinking about the way it switched to lilacs and poppies when he went red. Y'know, like the lilacs and poppies he offered to Grian when he turned red hoping they could stay a team. Lilacs, which symbolize love, rebirth, and new beginnings. And poppies, which symbolize peace, sleep- and death. And I'm thinking about how he won Secret Life once he turned red, when he threw off the sunflowers and donned lilacs and poppies to pave a bloodstained path.
finally took on this template from @xmaruu11!! not.. super proud of this (fun activity: watch the quality of each design decrease the further down we get!) but i really needed an excuse to nail some general designs for every character
Grian with the imagery of being forced to the ground his arms and wings in chains
each chain being held by the different people he's loved and hurt
Scars chain is old and worn down, but in the crack are lilacs and poppies pushed in between, trying to mend to chain or break it more who knows, the handle itself is gripped tight, and Scars knuckles are scraped and bruised, but still he holds tight, the chain itself hangs loose, but its cutting into scar, hurting him, its at Grians neck, never to forget what he's done
Mumbos chain is new and shines brightly it holds grians wings down. Mumbo's back is turned away, and his grip on the chain is slipping. Mumbo's hands are clean. Grians wings are torn and frayed feathers falling away
BigB’s chain is one of gold, different from the others, one forged on promises and gifts one formed not on trust or love but on mutual deceit. BigB holds the handle of the chain in the air. It covers Grian's mouth, punishment for the lies he's told
Jimmy and Joel share one chain, which wraps around Grian's legs, not tightly they loosely lay there. They are not new, but they are not damaged Jimmy and Joel's hands hold each other as well the chain is wrapped around their hands as well with no handle to hold
and finally Cleo and Etho hold separate chains, holding his arms tight, the chains link to each other but are still wholly different, a mother and a father protecting their son, Cleo and Etho are linked by a chain too, it feels more light and airy than the rest, but the chain is still there. And Grian is not free
love love love scar and grian. like. they've got the super romantic trope of 'we find each other in every universe' but. they are so desperately trying to get away from each other (and doing a horrible job of it) and it is so funny to me. they've got a red steel bar of fate and they're both frantically sawing at it with safety scissors.
in my head there are two versions of traffic!grian. if you ask me what i think the correct, canon interpretation is, that answer will be Way Different then my fanon version of him, which aligns more with how i write him in fanfics.
canon traffic grian moves from person to person quickly, and doesn't tend to make alliances with the same person twice. his relationships with others are fast and bright like a fire, until the fire goes out. he's fiercly loyal to those he cares about, but that disappears if they betray him (or what he views as a betrayal). he doesn't take kindly to being forced into something he's not willing to do. he's a survivor- he's careful and maybe even paranoid, and he often makes it pretty late in the game because of this. he enjoys the game a little too much, and takes delight in a successful trap (even if he's not on red). he's a force of chaos, who can't be forced into a box but will stay by your side until he outlives you.
fanon traffic grian is different. he's still loyal, but he forms attachments quickly and never really forgets about them, even if the people in those relationships hurt him. he holds his friends close to his heart, even after a new game has begun. he feels trapped, and scared- this is his punishment from the watchers, and he blames himself for what everyone else is going through. because of this, he pushes the people he cares about away. he's a tragic hero, a pyrrhic victor, a falling icarus. yet he still loses himself in the chaos, thriving in the danger and high emotions of the game (perfect for a watcher). he's scared but trying to be brave, guilty but trying to be strong, and traumatized but trying to push forward because he has no choice.
those are two different people. and that's okay. it's why it's called fanon.