#like he's the first irl person i told about my fic writing bc i knew i didnt need to be embarrassed

[the-winter-witcher]

love that I can be 100% my weird ass self with him and he loves me anyway

#♡ #me: i wanna make a necklace with your blood 🫣 #him: cool i got some to spare #me: i miss you even tho i saw you two days ago #him: thank god i miss you too it cancels the needy out when we both feel it #like idk man #he accepts all of me #the weird creepy shit i like #my needy clingyness #my idiocy (its a lot) #he loves my quirks and my dumbass self for all of what i am and trust me he's seen it all he knows me better than anyone #like he's the first irl person i told about my fic writing bc i knew i didnt need to be embarrassed #and he supported me when i first started writing it years ago #and i know he even read some bc he's a cutie #he supports my buying stupid shit #he loves that im a nerd too #ughhhhhh i am in ♡ love ♡ #and feel so appreciated and seen

[bro-atz]

that sumin fic was crazy af i’m obsessed w your writing… could we possibly get a university au w music composition major minjae x f!reader?? and w some smut in there too pls thinking a lot abt rapper minjae being good w his tongue akdjjsjsjsj

the theory of music

in which: there's a rumor about minjae that you want to find out more about.

pair: uni student!minjae/uni student!afab!reader

word count: 3.4k

content: college!au, smut, heavy sexual tension, oral sex, completely consensual!

author's note: you wanna know what's crazy anon? i know someone like this irl HAHAH nd he's truly one of my favorite people (if i ignore the fact that he had a threesome in my living room once but that a story for a diff day) but yes this is something i can def do and just did for you (^з^)-♡♥︎♡ seriously tho im glad you requested this bc i wanted to make a lil series for xikers so this was perf

tag list: @eyeryis @sinnarols apply for the permanent taglist here! university!series: sumin, minjae, junmin, hyunwoo

You weren’t one for parties, especially rooftop parties. You only went to this specific rooftop party because it was your friend’s roommate’s birthday, and she promised you that it was going to be lowkey and fun when it was anything but. Yet, you had a good time— when the company is good, why wouldn’t everything else be good? Some kids were still yakking off the roof while others were getting completely stoned or crossed, but the ones that were still somewhat coherent were cool. There was one person in particular that you were drawn to the most, not because you were attracted to him (although he was very attractive, you’ll give him that), but because the air around him was so calming and he seemed to vibe with literally everyone.

“Him? That’s Minjae,” Junmin, one of the boys you were talking to at the party, told you when you asked. “How do you not know Minjae?”

“I mean… It’s my first time seeing him—”

“Still, he’s infamous at these parties.”

“This is my first time at one of these rooftop parties. Cut me some slack, Junmin.”

“Well, I’d just warn you and say don’t get too close,” Junmin brought his voice down and said ominously.

“Why do you say that?” you matched his decibel, clearly not taking him seriously.

“He’s… A character. Kind of loose. I mean, you see how many girls go swarming to him. It happens all the time, and it happens for a reason”

“Dude, I’m not looking to fuck him. I just want to befriend the guy, is all.”

“That’s what they all say,” Junmin sighed loudly. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Heard loud and clear.”

You wanted to defy Junmin, but he was just so sinister with informing you about Minjae that you dropped the idea of befriending the guy in general. You spent the rest of the party interacting with other people, completely unaware that Minjae’s gaze kept flickering to you every so often.

You saw Minjae again at Junmin’s rooftop party, but you paid no mind to him. This time, you steered clear of him because he was surrounded by a bunch of girls— girls that definitely were not at the party you were at the other night. You knew after what Junmin said that Minjae was a popular guy, but it didn’t fully register in your head until that moment. Maybe it was his soft, brown hair that spilled over his face and gave his eyes a mysterious charm that made the girls fall for him, or maybe it was his irresistible smile and laugh. Whatever it was, there was just something about him that drew girls to him like a moth to a flame.

You kept to yourself for the most part during Junmin’s party. Junmin was running around the rooftop trying to make sure his friends didn’t fall over the balcony or throw up anywhere that wasn’t a toilet— honestly, seeing him scramble all over the place did not make you jealous in the slightest. If anything, it was entertaining to see him break a sweat and make sure the party didn’t completely fall apart.

While you were observing Junmin, you didn’t realize that Minjae actually approached you and stood right next to you with every intention to flirt with the one girl at the party that wasn’t all over him.

“Hey,” you heard him speak into your ear, startling you completely.

“What the— Oh?” you were fully prepared to fight whoever it was that scared you, but when you saw Minjae’s beautiful face super close to yours, you short-circuited. “H-hello…”

He held his hand out for you to shake.

“Minjae.”

You nearly said “I know” in response, but you choked back that first instinct. You shook his hand.

“Y/N.”

There was a beat of silence. Honestly, you didn’t know what to say to him because Junmin truly scared the shit out of you, so the only questions on your mind was just to inquire about his reputation.

“You know, I saw you at the last party and wondered who you were because I’ve never seen you at any of these parties,” Minjae said, trying to continue the conversation.

“Yeah, I’m not really a party person,” you admitted.

“But you’re here at this one?”

“Because Junmin invited me.”

“What about the last one?”

“My friend invited me since it was her roommate’s birthday.”

“Oh, okay that makes sense.”

Minjae nodded and smiled at you, making you feel slightly guilty that your impression of him was so tarnished thanks to your own assumptions. He ended up getting more words out of you and got you comfortable enough to have very candid conversations about everything. He had a very complex view on the world that you resonated with, and it made you want to know more about him. There was definitely a deeper side of him that he was hiding, and you wanted to find it.

You were so engrossed in your conversation with him that you didn’t realize how much time had passed and that most of the party had cleared out until Junmin approached you and Minjae, his hair and clothes completely disheveled.

“I appreciate you both so much, but I’m going to have to ask you both to go the fuck home,” Junmin said with a heavy sigh.

You checked your phone and saw many, many missed calls from your roommate, and you also saw that it was four in the morning.

“Damn, it’s already this late? Sorry, Junmin,” you apologized.

“We’ll leave now,” Minjae added.

We? You looked at Minjae with slight confusion.

“Thanks. Get home safe— And, Y/N, text me when you get home,” Junmin instructed.

“Ow, you don’t want to know if I got home?” Minjae asked feigning hurt.

“You’ll be fine,” Junmin rolled his eyes and pushed Minjae away. “Get out.”

You and Minjae left Junmin’s apartment building, and before you could bid adieu and head home, Minjae asked, “What direction are you headed in?”

“There,” you pointed.

“I’ll walk you home,” Minjae stated.

You eyed Minjae suspiciously, wondering if he had any other intentions by walking you home. Deciphering your look, he held his hands up and said, “No, I just want to make sure you get home safe, too. It’s four in the morning, and you are a woman after all.”

You were still not convinced of his intentions. It was only when he held out his pinky and looked at you with the most sincerest of eyes did you cave and let him walk you home.

During your walk, you both continued to have a deep discussion about the world to the point where you didn’t even realize that you had already gotten back to your dorm. Before you went inside, Minjae stopped you.

“Wait, I have a question for you.”

“What is it?”

“If I invited you to one of my parties, would you come?”

You briefly pondered the thought before nodding. He grinned at you then held out his phone. “I’ll text you the next time I throw one,” he said.

You gave him your number, and with that, you both parted ways.

You seriously wondered why Junmin told you to avoid Minjae in the first place. He didn’t seem so bad.

You and Minjae became friends since the night you exchanged numbers. Not once did you feel like Minjae was trying to get into your pants or anything—especially because he mostly texted you— making you doubt Junmin’s explanation of the guy more and more. When you asked Junmin, he refused to elaborate on it further, so you had to settle for a shrug and acceptance that Junmin was probably just really wrong about Minjae.

you:

what’re you doing rn?”

You ended up texting Minjae right in the middle of class one fine day. You shouldn’t have been on your phone, but the class was such a drag that you desperately needed the distraction.

minjae:

studio why

you:

ah okay nah i was just bored is all

minjae:

you can come to the studio if you want

you:

yeah? you sure?

And immediately, Minjae sent you an address along with a room number— it was one of the buildings on campus, but you had no idea which one it was until you got there. It was the music building on campus, also known as a building you’ve never entered on campus and never thought you would enter because you were not in the music composition major. You were nervous as hell the entire time you were making your way to the studio that Minjae was in until you saw him down the hall, half his body out the door as he looked and waited for you.

You had never seen any sort of music studio before, and were honestly quite surprised to see that your school had such a professional one— well, multiple professional ones since the entire hall you walked down was filled with studios— readily available on campus. It was completely soundproof inside, and it was also dark as hell in there. There were no windows or anything. Just a room, a chair, a computer, a monitor, a bunch of keyboards, and an audio mixer.

“I thought this was a recording studio?” you questioned.

“This is the mixing studio. So if we don’t have to record vocals or instruments and just need digital, we can use this room,” Minjae explained.

“Oh…”

“Want to listen?”

“Sure.”

Minjae let you have a seat in the singular chair in the room and gave you the headphones. As soon as you were comfortable, he played the song for you. It was upbeat, but also melancholic in a way. You found yourself nodding along to the beat of the song the more you listened, and when the song ended, you were amazed but also confused because that was super short.

“This is really good,” you told the boy as you handed the headphones back.

“Yeah, but it’s still not done. I only played you the intro into the first chorus since that’s all I got right now,” he said with a tiny sigh.

“Still, what you have so far is so good. I can’t wait to hear the whole song now.”

With a small smile, Minjae reclaimed his seat, leaving you standing. You looked around, trying to find a place to sit, but the only place to sit was the singular chair in the room that Minjae was using.

“I’ll head out then, leave you to it,” you told the boy as you reached for the door handle.

“Honestly, you can stay if you’d like,” Minjae said without tearing his eyes away from the screen.

“Won’t it be weird if I’m just sitting on the ground in the corner?”

“What? You can sit in the chair with me.”

You eyed the chair, then looked at Minjae skeptically. “You really think that we’ll both fit in the chair?”

“Yeah, the arms come up. See,” Minjae said as he proceeded to demonstrate— and they did.

You somehow found yourself sitting on one edge of the chair while Minjae sat on the other. You though he would be uncomfortable working like that, but he seemed perfectly fine and completely focused on his work. You tried to keep your eyes on the screen, but for some reason, your eyes kept straying towards the boy.

Minjae was very attractive usually, but he was absolutely breathtaking from the side. His chin was tilted upwards since the monitor was on an elevated desk, so you got the best view of his jawline. He unconsciously licked his lower lip as he clicked on the screen, and he bit his lower lip while he focus, the mere acts send flashes of heat through your body.

He usually looked like a very soft, very cuddly boy, but this version of Minjae you got to see was incredibly sexy— unbelievably and unbearably sexy. He was so immersed in his work that he just oozed charisma, and the way his arms would subtly flex when he moved the mouse around or clicked or typed made you pay more attention to the way he was built— so much attention that you started wondering what he looked like underneath since his arms were pretty muscular.

It was only when he turned his head to look at you did you suddenly snap out of your daydream. You looked right at the monitor thinking you barely avoided Minjae noticing you staring, but he noticed well before he even turned to look at you. In fact, he felt you staring him down, and despite the fact that he was playing the song, he heard you gulp the building pool of saliva in your mouth. Plus, it did not help your case that your face and ears were reddening slowly.

“Y/N,” Minjae said, nearly startling you out of your skin.

“Y-yeah?”

“You good?”

“Y-yeah…”

“You sure?”

You were going to respond with another yeah, but the words got stuck in the back of your throat when you felt his hand on your thigh, his hand rubbing inwards ever so slowly. Butterflies rampaged through your entire body when you felt his burning touch, the impure thoughts in your head getting dirtier by the second.

“You know, if you wanted, you could just ask.”

“What’re you talking about?” you deflected while trying to reclaim your thigh from him; but, you were unsuccessful, and he ended up moving his hand along your thigh, closer to your crotch. “Okay! Okay, I know, what you mean!”

“I can help you relieve that tension right now if you’d like.”

“Right now? In here?”

Minjae nodded.

“Are you insane?! In here?! What the fuck?!”

“Got a problem with that?”

“A bunch!” your voice nearly shrilled. “Aren’t there cameras? What if someone walks in? And—”

“No one will come in here since you need to have the key card to get in, and there are no cameras in here.”

“Still, but…”

You tried to find more reasons to object to having sex in the studio, but when his hand reached for your face and his fingers held your chin, your mind melted. He brought your face closer to his, and your eyes fluttered close when he brought his lips towards yours, but he stopped, his lips mere millimeters from yours.

“Is it because you don’t want to do this with me, or because you’re just nervous about the location?”

“…The latter.”

“If that’s the case, then don’t worry about it.”

“How a can I not worry about it when that’s all I’ll be thinking about?”

“Then I’ll fuck you so hard that you won’t even be able to think.”

Without a second to lose, Minjae’s lips were on yours. You didn’t think he was going to be so intense with you right off the bat, but when his tongue pushed into your mouth, you were completely taken aback. You leaned into him and held onto his shoulders when you felt his hands move down to your waist. His fingers slipped under your shirt and tiptoed their way up, leaving goosebumps in their wake. When his hands went over your breasts and started massaging over your bra painfully well, your grip on him tightened, and you pushed yourself further into his chest, a slight moan leaving your lips. You for sure thought Minjae was going to laugh at your reaction to his touch, but he was so intently focused on you that he was just eating up every single noise that escaped your soul.

You whimpered and whined slightly when his lips left yours, a thin string of saliva barely connecting his tongue to yours before being broken the second he brought his lips to your neck and started sucking lightly on your skin. His hands held the bottom of your shirt and pulled it upwards, your bra getting pushed up shortly thereafter. You flung your head back and let out a gasp mixed with a sigh when he started sucking on your nipple, his teeth nibbling slightly as he did so. He pinched and twisted your other nipple, sending shocks down your spine.

Next thing you knew, you were fully naked and sitting all by yourself on the swivel chair, the arm rests down for you to grip. Minjae lifted one of your legs and set it over his shoulder as he pushed the other to the side to fully reveal your soaking wet cunt, your slick glistening with the lights of the monitor. You felt Minjae exhale lightly, making your toes curl with excitement and lust. You face was burning up when you looked down to see Minjae looking up at you with shining eyes and a little smirk on his face. He didn’t have to utter a word for you to know that he was thoroughly entertained by your reaction to his being.

It was when he licked a stripe down your cunt did you fully lose your mind. Yellow and white sparks filled your vision as Minjae took his time with you. His tongue swirled around your clit, and he slipped a delicate finger through your folds. He curled the finger inside you and left it there the more he slurped you up and let his tongue wildly flick against your raw bud. You gripped onto the arm rests for dear life and bit your lower lip painfully hard when you felt the finger slip out and his tongue replace its position.

“Darling, you can be as loud as you want. No one’s gonna hear a fucking thing,” Minjae said softly as looked up at you with devious eyes and a slight smirk, your arousal fluid completely coating his mouth.

You weren’t planning on taking him up on that until he sucked on your clit, the feeling of the suction absolutely driving you up the wall. A sweet, loud moan sounded in the studio, more gasps and moans tumbling out of your mouth when you felt him slip two of his fingers inside you, fingering you slowly but with immense intention. Your hands left the arm rests and moved to his hair, his hair bunching up in your fists as you pushed him closer to your pussy.

“Ah! Mmm— Min-Minjae,” you cried as you tugged at his hair, prompting him to look at you. “More…”

Wordlessly, Minjae delivered. He kept curling his fingers inside you every time he pulled his fingers out, and he fingered you way faster as he slurped obnoxiously, your arousal filling his mouth completely. It was when he left your clit with a sickly sweet kiss did you cum, white filling your vision as you flung your head back and moaned loudly. You squirted right into his mouth, the boy downing everything like it was his last meal. You felt your face get hotter the more lewd noises he made with just his tongue and your pussy.

You thought he would be done, but he was far from over. He barely gave you a second to rest before diving in again, his fingers ruthlessly fingering you and rubbing along your g-spot repetitively, overstimulating you to the max. You were still riding your high when he pushed further, and it felt like you were seeing heaven and hell at the same time when you came for the second time, white filling your vision as you felt your body nearly burst into flames.

“W-wait, Minjae,” you said while breathing heavily, your hands desperately pushing his head away from your cunt. “I just—”

You cut yourself off when you saw his face, your arousal dribbling down his lips and dripping from his chin, his face pink and rosy. You were completely shocked— not once had you cum like that for any boy you had hooked up with in the past, and you definitely did not expect yourself to cum that hard ever in your entire lifetime. So, when you saw that the collar of Minjae’s shirt was also drenched, you wanted the Earth to swallow you whole.

“I guess I have to,” Minjae said as he stood up. He used the bottom of his shirt to wipe his face, giving you the slightest peak at his toned torso. “I’ve got to check out of the studio soon, so we’ll continue this back at my place if that’s alright with you.”

You finally understood what Junmin was hinting at. Minjae was going to be the best sex you ever had, and there was no going back from there.

“Fuck, yes, please.”

#broatz request #xikers #xikers minjae #kim minjae #minjae smut #minjae x reader #kim minjae xikers #minjae xikers #minjae xikers smut #xikers minjae smut #kim minjae smut #broatz

[forabeatofadrum]

You know what fuck it actually, answer all the writers asks that you haven’t already answered yet PLUS another #25 if you have already answered it bc you can be proud of multiple scenes HAPPY EL WOOWOO WEDNESDAY

I should've seen this coming. I am putting this under the cut because this got long. Again, I should’ve seen this coming.

I’ve already answered 5, 8, 9, 13, 18 and 25.

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

I MEAN... look at my many, many WIPs. I think the main reason for holding off a fic is because I got stuck, or because I want to prioritise other fics. I’m trying to not take on new projects, but instead focus on older ones (famous last words, probably).

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

Anything written pre-2015, unless I have rewritten them (like This Charming Man or the SBL/Glee crossover). That, except for JTWLYT, even rewritten it’s bad. I don’t mind, You gotta start somewhere, right? Because otherwise I don’t really mind any fics. Like, I wrote a Glee/Animal Crossing fic once and it slaps.

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Mostly chronological, but it doesn’t really matter. So yeah I write what I have in my mind. For example with Ljubim te, I of course knew there were going to be 24 chapters since it’s the Advent, so I plotted out a little bit what happens in all chapters and by now each chapter has at least something.

4) favorite character you’ve written

Jack motherfucking Zimmermann, even though I have abandoned my boy and I haven’t written proper Check, Please! fic in all of 2022. I want to finish two Zimbits WIPs this year, though. Maybe the attic vs. roaches debate breaching containment will bring me back to this fandom. Aly, what would you rather have? A person living in your attic, or 1000 roaches living in your attic?

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

Oh I change things without shame. I do point it out in the author’s note, in case someone notices.

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

This is a difficult question. WAIT NOT ALY THIS IS ME AFTER POSTONG THE ASK I FORGOT TO ANSWER THIS ONE I WILL DO THAT LARER CAUSE I NEED TO GO TP UNI NOW!!

OKAY ALY I AM BACK (and also hello to others!)

So, this is a difficult question because I have the Fear of Being Perceived by people I know IRL. Not necessarily because I think they will judge me, but this is just something I’ve ever had. This is also why I am not going to karaoke night tonight. As a result I do not tell people I write, but not because I am embarrassed. I have just always kept my online and offline lives separately, you know? And this has only grown over the years. I have, like, one person I know IRL follow my personal blog and I created this blog because I do not want him to see my stuff. It’s literally in the bio of this blog. This is also why my name isn’t on here, although I do not mind when people use it in asks or replies. It’s not foolproof, I am aware, but it’s how it is.

But I am also fucking proud of my work and I an enthusiastic. This is why I love ask games like this or communites on Discord. I put a lot of time and effort into my work so of course I love to blabber about it. The person I mentioned above? Yeah, he knows I write fic. But I made him promise to not go look for it. Now I did meet some people who unabashedly talk about what filth they post on AO3. And I told these people I write fic to. But I am always feeling that hesistant feeling. I told them vaguely about Bakery fic and So Much Better, but I am never going to send them the link so if they want to find it, they can, but I will not be the one giving my AO3 away. (Rip. I never kudo their fics either for this reason, cause my AO3 account will pop up).

Aka it is just kind of weird.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I CAN NEVER WRITE WITH PEOPLE AROUND. This is why, when I visit my parents’ house for the weekend, I write less. I recently told Jenna (@thnxforknowingme, not Ushkowitz) that I am shook that she can write at work. I cannot relate.

I don’t like silence in general. I always have sound on, but it doesn’t really matter what. I am currently listening to The Last Five Years lockdown version, but I also just put on video essays that I have seen before, or gaming music, or YouTuber content. Only when I have a specific song/playlist for a fic, I tend to actively choose what I put on, like the playlist for River fic was on repeat during the writing. And Nothing Matters When We’re Dancing is my song for “damn Baz, you live like this”/Time After Time. That kind of stuff.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

Uh. Everything. But I am also not too harsh on myself. I was 13. I am 24 now. And my English has improved. Fun fact, I did not know the difference between make out and break up for a very long time.

OH AND I LEARNED HOW TO DO PROPER PARAGRAPH BREAKS

12) your weaknesses as an author

Movements. Setting. That kind of stuff. When two people are in a scene and talk, I love the dialogue but I am constantly like “oh God, what else is going on in this scene?”

I am writing a scene for Ljubim te with Kurt and Sunil in a restaurant and I am constantly like “DON’T FORGET THEY NEED TO EAT!!!”

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

Not right now. I don’t make playlists for my fics that often, unless I want to integrate the music into the fic (again, see River fic). Or I make a playlist AFTER I am done, like my Myosotis playlist.

15) why did you start writing?

Fanfiction? When I first read Harry Potter when I was around 11, but I used to write stories before that. Shout out to TEENZZONE and my first ever gay character that I made when I was 10 and then I got scared cause oooooh homosexuality scary!!! ooooh taboooo!!!! and erased it and made him marry a lovely woman named Daisy but then years later I was like “fuck it he’s bi then”

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

Oh, uh? The first ever gay now bi character from TEENZZONE I guess. Fuck, was Danny his name, or was Danny the guy who came before Daisy? Look, I was 10. Ik zat in groep 7, of misschien zelfs 6. It’s been 14 years.

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

It doesn’t have to be perfect. I am not a published author. This is all for fun. Besides, I read a lot of fic that maybe aren’t “that good” in the eyes of whoever decides what’s good, but I still enjoy them and that’s what matters in the end. I write for me and me alone and hopefully people like it too and we will all have a banging time.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

Not

Jk jk

I often have a little section in my doc with “Information”, like a timeline or people’s names or what is happening when. The one for Ljubim te has the names of my OCs and the street names of where Kurt and Blaine live. I am thinking of also making a timeline, because there are some time jumps between chapters, although I also try to point out what month it is in the chapter itself.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

Depends on how inspired I am. I write when I have an idea. Sometimes things snowball from there, sometimes it’s to only add one line.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

Define older. As I said, everything before 2015 I pretend I do not see, but after that I actually reread a lot of my stuff. Hence the “I write for me and me alone” mentality. I reread Mendacious this week. And I haven’t read the Anyway series in years and I kind of want to.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

There are too many to list, but from the top of my head: non-con/dub-con, detailed slavery or kidnapping or something like that, graphic violence, MPREG, fic with one being a minor other an adult.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

GIRL MY MAIN STARTING POINT FOR KLAINE FIC THESE DAYS IS “WHAT PART OF MY LIFE CAN I LIFT FROM??”

Mendacious: a conversation I had with one of my friends about internalised homophobia

River fic: lol (my broken friendship) (it’s almost Real Blaine’s birthday) (ah, then it will have been 4 years since I last saw him)

Ebb & Flow: my love for Splatoon 2

Bakery fic: me being obsessed with a documentary about rich people in Dubai

Ljubim te: I miss Ljubljana

So yeah, sometimes it influences the plot (Mendacious and River fic) and sometimes it is more a starting point for me to build upon, but it’s my liiiiiiiife it’s not or neverrrrrr-

Also, okay, I am writing this Snowbaz fic called Just Some Guy from an outsider POV and that is coming from me very much believing that Baz is not that hot. Simon is just in love with him. Sorry Baz fans.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

Expert? I wouldn’t say that, but I do learn about obscure things like Broadway orchestra subbing. And of course I had that entire chapter about neurobiology in Myosotis sylvatica. But I can’t say I am an expert on things.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

You can get some All the pretty things lore as a treat.

“As if in every lifetime you and I have lived, we’ve chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, over and over for all of eternity. And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime because all I want to do, all I’ve ever wanted to do is spend my life loving you.”

This is how All the pretty things ends. Obviously it is not my writing. This is a direct quote from Glee. I may hate the proposal but they went hard with the speech. But I knew I needed to end the fic with this quote, since it actually inspired the entire premise of the fic. They hop through all these dimensions and in every one of them they find each other to go on to the next. And they grow stronger in the process. I do not know if this fic would be this fic without this quote.

For my own writing, I am really happy with the “emotional climax” of Paradiso 1 and Time After Time, but shhhhh spoilers, you gotta read that for yourself. But a shareable part that I am admittedly obessed with is from The Naked Truth:

We’re acting like a bunch of hormonal teenagers, but I don’t care. We’re high on energy and love. The moment we get to my flat and I close the door behind us, I press him against it and he laughs.

Again, there’s so much laughter.

Is this what love is like? Endless exuberant laughter? I revel in the sound of his joy.

I wrote this because I used “he laughs” or “I laugh” or “we laugh” A LOT in this fic up to the point that it was making me wonder if it’s bad writing, so I just put it in the story. Hooray.

ALY I FUCKING DID IT.

#ask #blurglesmurfklaine

[bonesandthebees]

Shroom anon back to interrogate again >:3 if you don’t want to answer any of the questions feel free to skip them <3

A) do you watch double life smp? If so who’s pov do you watch and who do you think will win?

B) have you ever had someone ghost you irl because you watch mcyt/write fanfic?

C) if you could interview any c!dsmp member who would it be and what would the first question you’d ask be?

D) what made you start to kin c!tommy?

E) who’s your favorite content creator? Doesn’t have to be an mcyt!

Hehe ty for putting up with my nosey questions ^^

-🍄

hi shroom anon!! i love your questions they're very fun to answer!

a) yes I do watch double life! i'm keeping up with scar's POV, but I do hop around between other POV's to see funny moments i hear about on tumblr (like I've skimmed through bdubs' stuff a bit and some of scott and pearl's as well). now as for who I think will win?? I'm really not sure, but tbh I could see martyn and cleo actually getting far?? idk why i just feel like they have a pretty solid shot. either them or impulse and bdubs. i'd love for the perfect soulmate couple living out their domestic bliss dreams to be the final two at the end

b) I'm extremely careful with who I tell irl about the fact that i write mcyt fanfic. technically, there's 6 people who know, but 2 of them i met online bc of my fics first and only later figured out we went to the same uni (yes, that happened twice), 1 reader approached me irl bc we were in a creative writing class together and they recognized my worldbuilding bc i used the same concept of someone else's dream but with original characters for a workshop piece lmao, and 1 person i figured out was into mcyt while we were chatting and I gave her my twitter so she knows but we haven't hung out much since that one day. so the 2 left are the only people i've told on my own, one of them being a really close friend of mine who already knew i wrote fanfic, and she definitely teases me that i got 'fandom famous' for writing minecraft fic, but she's not mean about it. the other person is a guy i was kind of dating for a bit who is literally the chillest and nicest human being i think i've ever met, i never intended on telling him but he's just so genuinely non-judgemental about other peoples interests so I told him and he thought it was very cool. so no I've never had anyone ghost me bc I only tell people who I know aren't going to care lmao

c) oh man that's a tough question hm... this is gonna sound weird since i'm a c!wilbur main but i think i'd interview c!techno?? pretty much just to be like "sir are you aware you're not really an anarchist" and also just call him out on some of the shit he's done lol (don't get me wrong, I really enjoy c!techno as a character and a lot of what he's done is justified, but I definitely have so many questions for him about his thought process for certain things he's done)

d) i don't kin characters tbh?? and I definitely don't kin c!tommy lol. nothing against it, but I'm just very strange in that I really don't see myself in a lot of fictional characters. I can project onto them, but that doesn't necessarily mean I heavily relate to them or anything

e) well my favorite content creator is pretty obviously wilbur soot, but if we're not talking mcyt then it would definitely be mina le. she's a video essayist on youtube who i absolutely adore. she talks about things like fashion history, the subcultures of fashion, and also discusses pop culture a lot in really interesting ways. I've watched pretty much every single video on her youtube channel and I get so hyped every time she uploads

#mushroom anon #ask

[tharros-auris-black-asimi]

Warmth

Pairing: Alpha Beefy Bucky x Female Mutant Reader

Summary: Being paired off with Bucky Barnes on a mission was hard enough. Hell, the two of you being a part of Hydra a long time ago was already hard enough. But when the two of you are forced to seek shelter in an Avengers safehouse, it gets even worse.

Because there's only one freaking bed.

Will you survive the night with the grumpy Alpha by your side? Or will you rip your hair out?

Who knows. The nights are unpredictable.

What you do know is, is that Bucky Barnes is too fucking hot for his damn good.

Maybe you just might pull your hair out.

Warnings: Heavy A/B/O dynamics. Mentions of past torture from Hydra for both Bucky and the Reader. This Bucky is sort of a mix between CW!Bucky, (hence the beefy!Bucky), but also TFATWS!Bucky bc I love grumpy old man, sassy Bucky. Some angst/hurt/comfort, because I'm a hoe for angst. No heats/ruts in this lil fic, just good ole rough smut. Some biting and some mild blood too. This sex would be considered unprotected irl, but in the a/b/o verse, I don't think you'd need protection??? Who knows. Italics are for when Bucky and the Reader are talking in Russian. The Reader also has a nightmare, which ties back in with the whole mention of past torture from Hydra. If I missed any other warnings in this, let me know and I'll make sure to add them!

Additional Notes: This was written for @agentofbarnes's writing challenge! Congrats on 7k, Zee! I'm sorry this took so long. I started writing this in July, and let it marinate for far too long. But it's here now. I hope you enjoy!

All writing mistakes in this fic are mine, as usual.

Word Count: 4,602

Hell.

This was absolute pure fucking hell.

As you and the former Winter Soldier, James "Bucky" Barnes himself stared at the front door of one of the safehouses for the Avengers in case of emergencies, you couldn't help make eye contact with him.

Great. This was just great.

No one, not even Clint had told you that it would be snowing in freaking January in rural Ohio, of all places.

Then again, you had faintly remembered doing gymnastics before you had been taken by Hydra with some arrogant Alpha guy named Lance. He had been a real pain in your ass and you remembered you had made him cry once. After you had escaped from Hydra, you had bumped into him again. Funnily enough, he was still just as scared of you as he was all those years ago. Which, you know, was nice.

But what was not nice was the Alpha that was currently looking back at you. James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky, Buck, White Panther, Jesus, Bionic Staring Machine- (the last three nicknames, all given to him by the Alpha Sam Wilson himself), scowled at you. His blue eyes even narrowed at you.

You wouldn't call what you and Bucky had a friendship. You two weren't even enemies. Heck, colleagues? Teammates? That was just putting it lightly, the relationship you had with the Alpha. Even when you had been captured and brainwashed into serving Hydra, the two of you had never crossed paths. It had been only after Hydra had fallen, did the two of you actually meet in person. Other than that, nothing. Nada. Nope. No with a capital N.O.

"Come on, let's go." Bucky all but grumbled. Realizing he didn't have the key to get inside, he looked at you. Like you had the key or something.

"James, I don't have the key." Bucky groaned. "Do you have a bobby pin, Omega? Something?" He asked in Russian. You plucked a bobby pin from your hair. A stray piece of hair fell. Putting the flat side in, you managed to unlock the door. You turned to look at him, giving him a toothy grin.

"Learned that from Pit Pocketing for Dummies, 101."

Bucky rolled his eyes at that. You just sniggered as you opened the door, greeted by cool air smacking against your face.

It made you shiver.

Because, unlike Bucky, you did not have any of that good ole supersoldier serum in your veins.

You were a mutant that could control water. Sometimes, you wished that you had the ability to control fire, because then, at least you could be warm in such dire situations such as these.

Taking your shoes off and putting them at the door, you surveyed the place.

It was a small house. Like a cozy little cottage. Probably only had at least two rooms at the max. It certainly gave off that vibe. There was a fireplace in the living room. A fully furnished kitchen, complete with a little wooden table with benches instead of individual chairs near the window.

Your grip on your bag of clothes became tighter as you realized that you needed to take a shower. Your stomach grumbled, alerting Bucky that you were hungry. Your comms had died. The two of you could contact no one until you charged them.

Which meant for at least tonight, or whenever the snowstorm outside stopped, you only had Bucky Barnes for company.

Well. That certainly would be pleasant.

"Go and shower first. I'll make dinner."

***

After your shower, you walked back into the kitchen, your sweet smell that reminded Bucky of deserts that his Ma used to make for him and his younger sisters back in Brooklyn drifted towards his nose. Thanks to the serum, he had already smelled it a mile away.

Cinamon rolls. Apple turnovers. Apple pies. Pumpkin pies. Bucky felt his Alpha rumble at the smell. Even Winter stirred at the familiar scent he loved so much.

When Bucky had gotten the trigger words wiped away from him due to Princess Shuri's genius, the Winter Soldier hadn't gone away from him. Rather, Winter had become a part of Bucky. Winter had been what Bucky became to survive Hydra. Winter was Bucky, only darker. More possessive. The deepest, darkest thing of him that the Wakandan Elders had helped him find again and reconcile with.

It was during times like this, making dinner in the kitchen that reminded him so much of his time back in Wakanda. Taking care of his farm and his pet goats, (that he sadly couldn't bring back with him when coming back to America), that he missed the most. It was domestic, in a way. He could almost feed into the fantasy, the thought that you were his Omega, his Bondmate, and that he was just making dinner for you.

From an outsider's perspective, it might've looked like Bucky didn't like you. That he just tolerated you. Treated you like how he treated everyone else in his life.

But it was the contrary.

He liked you.

He liked you very, very much. Other than Steve, Natalia, and heck, even the winged pigeon- you were one of the only people to truly understand him. You were probably even on the same playing field as Natalia, because you knew what it was like to be controlled by the Russian government. You held him at an arm's length at most, and you never treated him like he was some fragile, broken man. When you treated his wounds, you never fretted like other Omega's. Nor did you dottle. Ask him if he was okay every five seconds. It was disappointing in a way.

Bucky turned his head, just as you hopped yourself onto the counter, away from the conduction stove.

The smell of butter pasta was filling your nose. You watched with rapt attention as Bucky shut off the stove, grabbed the freshly grated cheese, and dumping it in. To hell with calories. Stirring quickly for a few seconds, he stopped. Turning his head to look at you, he gave you a low smirk. His scent of something sandalwood, oceany filling your nose. It made your Omega preen.

"Get some bowls, will ya doll? And forks too." Hopping off of the countertops, he heard a chirping, yet sarcastic reply.

"Yes, Sarge."

He felt his pants tighten at the thought. Hearing you grab all of the stuff, he swallowed.

Not that he would tell you that.

No.

Never.

***

"Oh, you've gotta be fucking with me."

So, as luck would have it. There weren't two bedrooms.

Nope.

There was only one.

Not only that, the entire room was fully furnished. A closet was on the left side of the door, against the wall. There was a window and just a bit to right, in the middle of the room, was a queen-sized bed, all made up with all the fluffiest blankets, comforters, and pillows imaginable.

"And you're sure this is the only room?" Bucky said. "Yeah! It's the only one, James. It's either this or the couch. And I'm not sleeping on the couch. It's too cold. Whoever built this safehouse didn't have any heaters built in either. Fuck, is this how I die? Freezing to death?" Your voice was getting higher with concern.

Bucky just rolled his eyes.

"No, doll. You're not to freeze to death. We're going to share that bed."

You turned your head towards him like he had just grown a second head. "What?" you exclaimed. "No. No, no, no. Noooo. James. Nu-uh. Uh-uh. I'm not going to sleep with you in my tank top and underwear. the least you've seen me in is a pair of short shorts and a tank top."

Bucky inhaled deeply through his nostrils.

Get yourself together Barnes.

Don't throw her over your shoulder.

Don't do that.

"You're a water mutant, doll. You're not a fire mutant. You aren't a supersoldier either. I'm not letting you freeze to death. I'll keep you warm all night. Better yet, don't sleep in your tank top and shorts. Our body heats will do just fine." Bucky snapped at you. You were still trying to collect your thoughts.

And then the realization, the reality of your situation, smacked you right across the face.

Bucky was asking you to sleep naked.

With him.

In the same frigging bed together.

Oh you were going to die. You were going to die and go up to wherever other spirits went to after they died. You weren't really all that religious nor spiritual.

But tonight though?

Yeah. Maybe you believed. Maybe a little.

Just the slightest bit.

"Okay, okay," you grumbled, "I won't wear any clothes. Better yet, I'll even give you a show. That'll even out the odds, James."

***

Warm.

He was just oh so warm.

Your back was flush against his front, feeling skin-on-skin.

You had stopped shivering about an hour ago.

Bucky had scouted the safehouse, to see if there was actually a heater, in case you had missed anything.

Nope.

There were no heaters in the safehouse.

Absolutely none.

Not to mention, all of the blankets weren't as thick. From what Bucky had observed a few hours ago after dinner while you had tackled the task of doing the dishes, was that the safe house had been abandoned for a while. It was either that, or nobody had stocked this place up for a while.

He had chosen the latter.

With his strong arms wrapped around your stomach, he pulled you close. You were asleep. Dead asleep. Bucky felt and saw your body rise up and down as you slept, your breaths all evened out.

It was nice, almost. Outside was quiet. Bucky could hear other than your breathing only the soft wind blowing due to the snowstorm outside.

For a moment, Bucky was lulled into a sense of calm. His mind was clear. His Alpha and Winter were quiet. He didn't have to fret. Or look over his shoulder. Didn't have to second guess himself or his actions anymore.

And then he heard it.

Soft whimpers coming from the sweet-smelling Omega that he was currently holding in his arms. You had begun to squirm, arms thrashing out. Your legs smacked on his knees, trying to desperately claw yourself free from his tightening grip on you.

"... I'll be good... just don't chuck me in the freezer again... please sir... I hate it there... please don't chuck me in the freezer, please..." you were sobbing in your sleep. You started to blubber, continually trying to claw yourself out of Bucky's grip. The metal plates of his Vibrainum arm shifted as his metal fingers tightened around your stomach. Bucky knew not to apply too much pressure on you- you weren't like him, Steve, or Natalia. You didn't have the serum in you.

"Doll? Hey, doll. C'mon, wake up. It's not real." Bucky tried shaking you awake to no avail. You had continued to thrash in his arms.

Sniffling loudly, your Omega was thrashing in her cage, in the confines of your mind. She was whispering, yelling at you to wake up.

"Omega. Wake up."

Bucky didn't mean to use his Tone. But you were being so hysterical, shaking, and crying to the point where it was beginning to worry him. Your sweet scent had begun to twist and turn into something more burnt. Singed. It made his eyes water.

You stopped thrashing in his grip. Your body froze up at his use of his Tone. Your Omega stopped throwing her temper tantrum too. She had paused for a second.

Her Alpha had given her a Command.

So why wouldn't she listen?

Peering from her cage in the confines of your mind, she sighed happily.

Alpha. Alpha cares about us. She whispered in your ear.

Slowly returning to consciousness, you struggled to know where you were for a second.

You had been having a nightmare.

A full-fledged nightmare.

You hadn't had one of those in a while.

"... Where am I?" Your voice was gentle but confused.

You still didn't know if you were still in that godforsaken Hydra facility or not. But you just wanted to make sure.

"Here, doll. You're here with me. We're in Ohio, remember? Sharin' one bed together cause I don't wanna be a bad Alpha and letcha freeze to death." Bucky said.

You couldn't help it. You snuggled into him, hearing a deep rumble coming from his chest. Bucky's Alpha was pleased. Very pleased. Winter was quiet. Which surprised Bucky. The little shit was usually more vocal about his own needs these days.

For a moment, it felt okay. You felt that weird fog lifting. Your brain slowly settling in your current surroundings. Your sweet, filling scent that had twisted and burnt into something smoky and burnt was slowly wearing off.

You were still a little shaken up. You could still hear your screaming echoing in your head. Your voice trembling, and because you didn't know if you were still stuck in the facility, "How long?"

"Not long."

Bucky watched as you lifted your head up, blinking once. And then twice. And then again, just to be sure.

Your body felt like it still wasn't physically here. Your body still felt like it was back in the cryo chamber, stuck in that damn freezer. Bucky watched your chest heave up and down. Taking in deep breaths.

Then you flopped right back into your previous spot, your back facing his front. Bucky pulled you back with his metal arm. You heard the metal plates in his arm readjust and move. You couldn't help it. Your vagina throbbed at the sound. Chewing on your bottom lip, you wiggled a little bit.

A deep rumble had come from Bucky.

The metal-armed Alpha had pushed a little bit of his weight down on you. Making you feel all warm and safe with the sandalwood and salty scent wrapped all around you like a cocoon.

You wiggled up against him again, trying to get comfortable. Your eyes closed.

A deep groan came from Bucky.

Was he asleep?

You stopped moving.

Another groan came from Bucky. His arms were wrapped around you. Not tightly, but still. It was kinda nice in a way. You could feel every muscle on his broad chest against your back.

Maybe Bucky had the right idea to sleep naked after all.

You shifted again. Trying to wiggle out a little out of the embrace.

A deep growl rumbled from Bucky. His grip on you tightened. You squirmed against him again.

Voice gravelly, "Stop moving."

Your eyes flew open.

He was awake.

And you had been-

Letting out a hiss, Bucky pushed his entire weight onto you and grinded his half-hard cock against your ass cheeks. Not even caring about if his entire weight would crush you, because of the serum.

He saw red.

Pure absolute red.

You choked. A needy little whimper filled the room.

Bucky's metal hand traveled down, all the way down to your pussy, his knee pushing your legs apart. You were panting in anticipation, eyes wide as saucers. His metal fingers were shoved deep, all the way to the knuckles. A pitiful whine left your lips. A needy whine too.

When he entered you, a choked sob escaped from your lips. Your hands curled into fists, eyes rolling into the back of your head as the formerly brainwashed assassin let out a growl.

"So sick and tired of you teasin' me," was what the former Winter Soldier growled under his breath, hissing at the way your cunt wrapped around him. Slick was smeared around your inner thighs, and you couldn't help but sob at the feeling of being so full.

Bucky was groaning above you, his hands nearing shaking.

Never had he ever thought he could ever get to do this again.

Because Bucky very much still liked sex. He very much so was a sexual creature. Being inside you gave him flashes of his life before Hydra. It made him remember a much skinner, smaller Steve. A much duller, war-stricken Brooklyn. It made him remember the giggles of Omegas. It made him remember his Ma's cooking growing up. Rebecca's giggles in his ears. Just like the old times.

Not for the first time in his life, he didn't feel trapped.

He felt free.

This was freeing to him.

And when he began to move, position his hips against your back, smacking roughly. Good enough to leave marks in the morning.

Wet, squishing noise echoed noisily every time he bottomed out of you. Every thrust in, filling you, completing you. It sent you gasping and crying out into the pillows. His hands- both metal and flesh, reached under you, to grab ahold of your breasts in a tight grip that only made you sob for more.

"More, more, more, please James, please-"

Something snapped in him.

Broke.

Bucky had never felt this feral before. The last time he felt this feral had been the hours when he first presented.

You whined loudly when he slid out of you, crying out at the empty feeling. Your Omega screeched in alarm.

Why had her Alpha stopped? Why?

Grabbing ahold of your legs, he lifted them up. Before he thrusted back in again, filling you up to the brim. It was deeper than last time, and his cock hit that spongy part. Hit your g-spot so good that you screamed into the pillows.

You were coming. You were coming so fast, that deep coil inside you snapping like a bomb wire being cut that you never got the chance to feel your programs. Your body jolted, spasmed. Your legs lifted off of the bed or at least tried to. Bucky's body weight was still keeping you down. So all you could do was grip the bedsheets when Bucky started to pound into you again, taking all he could.

You couldn't help yourself. You glanced back, just to take a glimpse of him.

James Buchanan Barnes looked downright feral and your pussy clenched around him deeper at the sight. as if she knew.

Every thrust made him go deeper, hitting your cervix every time. It made your second orgasm piggyback off of your first one, sobbing into the pillows. It was only when your second orgasm came, your walls clenching down onto his cock that Bucky's teeth sank into your shoulder, shattering, breaking the skin there. The taste of copper filling his mouth. Bucky let out a grunt as he came. Filling you up with so much of his jizz that he was sure it would drip from you tomorrow morning.

Bucky lifted his mouth from your shoulder.

Pants filled the room as the two of you tried to regain yourselves.

Bucky shifted, moving off of you and lying beside you. His eyes weren't black anymore. They were back to their normal blue. They reminded you of the sea in the morning on a peaceful day.

Your hand came to touch his face. Your hand faltered, trembled though. Because you were nervous.

"It's okay," his voice was deeper, huskier. It made your pussy throb. "You can touch me. It's okay."

Your hands came to touch, cup his jaw. You leaned in, pressing your lips against his. His lips were soft. Your lips moved together, his tongue slipping into your mouth. The kiss became deeper. You hadn't expected it to become deeper. You had been just going for an innocent kiss.

You swore.

Like- you really did.

You didn't expect to be fully making out with James Buchanan Barnes.

But it wasn't like you were complaining though.

Because you weren't.

Bucky was the first one to pull away. He could see how red, bruised your lips looked. He didn't recoil from your gentle touch on his face. He welcomed it. He truly did. Hands holding your hips, he looked at you.

His lips traveled down to your mating gland. He touched over it with his tongue, giving it a broad lick. His teeth sank in, piercing the skin.

Your ears popped. You cried out. His grip on your hips didn't falter.

"Yes, yes, yes," you gasped. Bucky lifted his mouth up from your gland, before sinking his teeth back in and biting again. Making his mark all that deeper.

It was only when he lifted his mouth from your gland, wiped your blood off of him with the blanket did you come at him, sinking your teeth into his gland. It made him grunt, even groan. His flesh hand came to your head, pushing your head down, making you sink your teeth even deeper into his gland.

"Yesss," hissed Bucky, his flesh hand sinking into your hair, gripping it. "Deeper, doll. Go deeper."

Winter and his Alpha completely agreed.

Theirs.

You were theirs.

After what seemed an eternity, you lifted your head up. Wiping your mouth on the blanket, you spoke.

"I missed you. What did you do to get us paired on this mission? I thought I was going with Sam," you said to your Alpha. A smirk stretched over Bucky's lips. "Ah," your Alpha said, still smirking, "I might've put something in his drink to make him vomit his guts out. He got sick."

A noise came from you.

"You gave him food poisoning? James!" You scolded him. Bucky leaned back against the headboard. "Don't worry doll, it'll wear off when we come back to the Compound. Bird Brain won't even know what hit him."

You shook your head in disbelief.

"You're unbelievable, Sasha. Did you teach Natalia that trick, too? Hmm? She and all of your Widow students?"

Bucky was still grinning ear to ear at you when he responded back.

"Well little bird, someone had to teach them. After all, I was their teacher. They all called me Yasha. Speaking of my Widow students..." he trailed off in Russian. You looked at him.

"You've contacted one of the KBG? About that leaked Russian tape with the orange man that is, unfortunately, our President?" He asked you. You nodded. "Yeah, Sasha. Everything's going as planned. Although, I think assassinating the orange man would've been a much better option. We would've gone in there and made it a done deal by now! Fuckin' Steve and his righteous self." You grumbled unhappily.

"Hmm. It would've been great as a date night. Don't you think, doll?" Bucky drawled. You gave a serious nod.

"Although... seeing him freak out on Twitter is much, much better. The tea is better when it's hot." You grinned. Bucky just let out a sigh.

"I'm restricting your phone privileges. And your TV privileges. You need to stop watching those drama channels, Mega."

A noise of deep discomfort came from you.

"Sasha!" you whined, "then what will I do while you're gone on missions?"

"Wait for me to come back?" Bucky suggested. You just sighed. Even shook your head in fondest. You happily snuggled up to your Alpha, your nose rubbing up against your Mate's gland. "I always wait for you to come back, Sasha. I wait and I worry. I love you, James."

A deep rumble came from your Mate.

"I love you too, Little Omega."

Your head peeked up.

"So, can we tell the rest of the team when I leak the tape?" You asked, your eyes glimmering with mischief.

Bucky burst out laughing.

"Yes, yes, yes. We can tell them once you've wreaked havoc, Omega."

"Good." You were nodding seriously, in complete agreement. "It'll be fun. And... also, I forgot to tell you."

The joyful expression on Bucky's face was suddenly replaced with one of worry.

"What? What is it?" He asked gently. "When you were gone for your last mission two months ago... I... I came off of my suppressants. I'm ready, James. I want a family with you."

Shock flickered over Bucky's face. And then he was shoving you back into the bed with a shriek coming from you.

"When's your pre-heat?" He demanded.

You felt it. A cramp. It made you whimper.

"N-Now, James. Now," you stammered. Your Alpha pulled your legs apart roughly before he thrusted back into you, making you gasp.

"Say it," he hissed. "Say you want it. Say you want my knot. Say you want my pups."

"I want it, James." Your voice was a low whisper, even staggering a little bit. "I want your knot. I want your pups. Please. Please, Sasha."

His hands, both metal, and flesh gripped your shoulder tight as that vein of his neck nearly popped. His eyes were black with want. Soon, his Rut would be upon him and he'd breed you. Put his pup in you. You'd carry his pup. He'd have the pack that Winter and his Alpha desperately wanted after all these years.

A whine came from you when he pulled out, only to let out a scream when he thrusted back in. Hitting that part of you that made your eyes roll into the back of your head. Your mouth fell open, but no words came out.

His pace was brutal, not even letting you hold onto him. Your hands were left to grip the bedsheets again. You gripped them so tight that your knuckles turned white and you thought that they were going to pop.

Bucky continued to push, continued to shove his ejaculate deeper and deeper inside of you. A mixture of your slick and his ejaculate smeared all over your thighs and trickled down your legs, and you just didn't know what was happening. Your hindbrain was telling you that this was what was needed. That your designation wanted, nay, demanded this. After all the shit you had gone through, your Omega had found her Alpha and now, now she was determined to have a family. Have the pack she desperately desired.

"Mine."

A harsh thrust made you sob.

"You're mine now. I waited for you for so long. Wanted you for so long. You're mine now. Got my Mark. Got my clothes in your nest. Gonna give you my name. Gonna give you my pups. You're mine. All mine. Say you're mine. Say it!"

You came screaming. Your orgasm making you see white. Bucky continued slamming into you, the wet, squishing noises coming from your pussy becoming louder and louder the more he pushed in. Your teeth sank into his flesh shoulder, shattering and piercing the skin there. You tasted copper in your mouth.

Bucky came with a shout. He shoved you back completely, making you shriek. And then he was leaning in again, sinking his teeth into your gland. Making another deep mark. It made you fall limp into the bed as his knot swelled, locking the two of you in place.

He lifted his head.

Being inside you... knotted inside of you... it was bliss. It was just as good as cockwarming. His cock all nestled deep inside of you whenever you two would sneak off to sleep together.

"Bite me again. Give me your mark, Omega." he panted. Slowly, your head went up, you slowly sat up, before taking in a deep breath and sinking your teeth back into his gland.

Home.

You had brought Bucky home. He held you tight, whispering in your ear how much he loved you and how much of a good Omega you were.

"I love you Omega." His voice was rough.

Lifting your head from his gland. Blood still trickling down the corners of your mouth. You offered him a smile. A genuine one. One that made his stomach all fluttery.

"I love you too, Alpha."

#agencyswritingchallenge #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #female reader #mutant!reader #abo dynamics #alpha bucky x omega reader

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

#beyond the story #bts smut #Jungkook smut #bts jungkook #bts #bts imagines #bts preferences #Jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook

[mcfiddlestan]

Fic Writer Questions

I'm bored and this was in a note on my phone from forever ago, so I must have been tagged at some point. Apologies to whoever tagged me. 🥴

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

52. Though, I used to have a few more. I deleted a few fics some years ago bc I hated that they were just sitting there unfinished. I was going through a particularly brutal bout of writer's block that affected both my fic writing and my RP writing.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

720,782. And I was stressing about a 30-page thesis. 😂 (which ended up being over 15,000 words)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I started writing fic in 2000 with *NSYNC, Christina Aguilera, and Backstreet Boys fics. I stopped writing a bit around 2004-2007 (because of a stupid boy) and picked it up again in 2012 after reading some awesome Cherik fics and wanting to write my own FrostIron College AU when I read one that was good, but kind of disturbing. I think I write for one fandom -- Marvel -- but, like different factions of it. FrostIron and WinterFrost mostly, with a dash of Stucky, ThunderFrost, DashingFrost, and WinterIron.

4) What are your Top 5 fics by kudos?

Black Light Special (WinterFrost) - 628 kudos

Can I Bum A Ride? (WinterFrost) - 425 kudos

Empire State of Mind (FrostIrom) - 420 kudos

Dark Side (FrostIron) - 398 kudos

A Worthy Collection (FrostIron) - 309 kudos

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really do make an effort to respond to every single comment, even the not-so-nice ones. I want people to know I've seen and read the comment they took the time to post, so even if I just thank them for reading and commenting, I respond.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Considering it features two -- count 'em, two! -- major character deaths, it's definitely Empire State of Mind. Though, I'd argue Dark Side is a pretty close second.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably Ghosts That We Knew. It was the final fic in the trilogy that is the Picture Perfect Series. It follows Loki and Tony from when they meet in college and ends 30+ years later.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

No, not really. And I rarely, if ever, read them. There's no real reason behind it other than I've just never come upon one and thought "ooh I need to read that."

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I got a lot of hateful messages after I completed Empire State of Mind. People were really angry at me for killing off two major characters. I mean, a lot of the messages were "omg I hate you but I loved this!" kind of vibe. But there were a few that cussed me out and called me names for writing it.

I had some chapters of a Fools Rush In FrostIron AU posted a while ago, in which Loki was a female, the only daughter in both the Odinson and Laufeyson families. Following the storyline of the Matthew Perry/Salma Hayek movie, Loki meets Tony Stark in a bar and gets pregnant from a one night stand. Anyway, I got a lot of messages telling me that Odin's misogyny and mistreatment of Loki was unrealistic -- even though I had literally modeled his behavior after the movie that inspired it. 🤷🏽

I have some prompts done for the 100 Ways to Say ILY writer's block challenge and for one of them, I borrowed the storyline from an episode of Will & Grace when Will's father dies of a heart attack after they have a bad argument where his father basically admits he wished Will wasn't gay so he could have had an easier life. In the epsiode, the fight starts because Will's parents gift his baby blanket to Grace, who is pregnant with her ex-husband's child. Will takes offense, they don't understand why bc he never mentioned wanting children, and a fight ensues. Similarly, in my fic, Frigga and Odin offer a pregnant Natasha (his BFF) Loki's blanket. Some readers did not like this and did not understand why I would write it. In another prompt, one that was literally how my last relationship ended, got some harsh critiques. Those ones hurt especially bc it was such a personal experience I wrote about.

And I actually got into a fight -- like a screaming match -- IRL with my best friend's boyfriend at the time. One of my bestie's friends asked about my fanfiction and I gave them the gist of one of my stories where Loki has a brief relationship with Sif that results in a child and later reconnects with Tony. Later on, Sif offers to be a surrogate for Tony and Loki and eventually births three more children for them. Bestie's boyfriend could not fathom why a woman would purposely get herself impregnated and then give the child away. I tried to explain that this was a thing that a lot of women did IRL -- and some don't even use their own eggs, but the eggs of a woman who cannot conceive; Sif used her own eggs so that all four children were half related (two by Loki, two by Tony). But he just did not believe me and told me I must not be a very good writer. Worst night of my life.

10) Do you write smut?

I was just telling @teadrinkingwolfgirl the other night how when I first started writing fic I did not write sex scenes. It was always inferred or glossed over. When I started writing again in 2012, for FrostIron, it was my first time writing more detailed sex. I cite Jackie Collins as my smut-writing mentor. I've written almost exclusively M/M smut.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Which is like the best thing ever! A couple of my older fics have been translated to Russian. I have one *NSYNC fic that was made into an audio fic. And someone recently messaged me on ff*net to ask to translate as many of my fics as they can to Spanish. :D

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not technically. I've gotten a lot of prompts and ideas from friends and mutuals, and I started reformatting my WinterFrost RP with my ex from 2014-2015 into novel form a while ago. That's tecnically the only thing I've written with someone else and published.

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have two that will always, ALWAYS, have my heart and attention. FrostIron (Tony Stark/Loki) and WinterFrost (Bucky Barnes/Loki). They are the two ships that I write the most, read the most, and seek out fanart for the most.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Probably The Flame. It's a fic that starts out ThunderFrost (not related; Asgardian Prince Thor semi-rescues an imprisoned Jotun Prince Loki) but eventually ends up FrostIron. It's the only fic I've ever written that features Loki with both male and female biology. I have a few chapters done but I haven't worked on it in years.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write realistic relationships. And I think my dialogue is also realistic and easy to grasp. And I put a lot of humor in between all the angst and hurt.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I get too detailed with background. I just reread my Picture Perfect series (which I do like once a year), and there are literal paragraphs of background that in Google Docs is like pages and pages. But I want to make sure people understand my characters! LOL

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm a big fan of it. I featured a lot of Norwegian in the Picture Perfect series. And French. I think as long as it flows with the storytelling and it's not forced on the characters it can be really cool. It should be natural. I always leave a translation list at the end of the chapter or explain in-text what was said. Which I think most authors I've read do.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Backstreet Boys. LOL. Don't judge. I started writing my own fics after discovering BSB fanfiction written by an author named Mistress Lynz. She wrote a lot of fics about bloodletting, but I really enjoyed the fics where the guys were hooking up with each other behind the scenes, LOL explains why I write mostly M/M now. 😂

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

They're kind of like my babies so at different times different ones are my faves. But if I really had to pick one, I would say Stay With Me is my favorite. I got some of the most amazing comments on this story from people that found meaning and themes in the story that I didn't even realize I'd put in there. It was one of my first WinterFrost fics I'd posted and the response was more than I could have asked for.

And now I have to tag people! @teadrinkingwolfgirl @incredifishface @incubigirl @rabentochter @marvelswinterfrost and whoever else feels up to it.

xoxo

#fic writer meme #fic writer questions #all my fics #my writing #frostiron #winterfrost #stucky #thunderfrost #winteriron #dashingfrost

[pain-somnia]

(1)so, i've been re-reading AOY for like, the third time, and i just wanted to tell u how much i appreciate the way you write all of the characters. i feel like you approach them with empathy, or at least an understanding of some sort. like, you don't ignore their flaws or their virtues, you don't get viciously against or in favor of any of them. and even if your fic is focused on Hyde&Jackie and their relationship, u give depth to almost all of the characters,

(2) none of them could be replaced with a cardboard cutout, u know? and the dynamics in the group are fantastic, everyone matters to everyone in one way or another (although there are different degrees of closeness, of course). a long time ago i had started reading the eric/buddy fic u mentioned, and while it was well written and intriguing, i couldn't get past the first few chapters bc i can't handle fics that are too biased (not to say that it was bad, it just wasn't my thing).

(3) plenty of other t7s fanfics are biased too (to a certain extent), which is fine and completely normal, but idk, i just love that u seem to care for everyone at least a little bit. it's one of the things that makes AOY so compelling to me. i'm looking forward to what's next, especially bc i wanna know how Hyde&Jackie are gonna deal with their new-but-not-really relationship,

(4)and i NEED more Buddy&Fez, and Jackie&Donna. i also i have a good guess as to the ship you're gonna introduce, so i'm excited to see how you're gonna tackle them 👀. anyway, i didn't mean for this message to get so long lmao. hope you're doing well 💕.

First, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY WORK I’m in awe that you re-read it that much (I’m always in awe when ppl re-read my work)

I’m blushing so hard from your compliments. When I first came up with the idea to do this time travel fic I did mostly focus on Jackie and Hyde but then I started to think about the other characters and how Jackie isn’t entirely selfish and she is a compassionate person, so why shouldn’t relationships with other characters be mentioned or highlighted in some way?

(gonna try and put everything under the cut so I don’t clog up the dash but if it doesn’t work I’m so sorry)

Besides the fact that the show was about the group of friends, a huge bit of inspiration for giving more attention to the other characters especially having them do activities with each other especially outside of the basement actually came from my own years as a teen and into my early 20s. The zenmasters fandom is still really new to me unlike the sasusaku fandom so many don’t know about how I got really sick and lost the closeness I used to have with my irl friends due to my illnesses and inability to do all of the things I used to do with them. This is my way of capturing my love for my old friends in a way.

My home used to have the same feeling as Eric’s basement (every time my family moved my house was still THE house) and I was one of like three friends that were licensed (even up to our mid 20s) and I was the only one everyone fully trusted to drive. So in a way I was the Eric of our friend group especially when you add in my mom’s train of thought when it came to my friends and I which was that she would rather us eat everything in her fridge in kitchen and have her go broke feeding us than for us to be out doing stupid shit. It didn’t stop us from doing stupid shit but that was our life lol

we used to trespass into places (abandoned houses, abandoned asylum, parks and fields and lakes when they were closed at night), I had an ex that stole a golf cart from a security guard cuz it was there and the keys were in the ignition and we all fucking scattered when the guy showed up, we would fuck around at my house or another friend’s house and drinking and weed (and acid and shrooms) were usually involved (I was the mom friend so I always took care of everyone and was designated driver), we went to concerts even if we had to drive to other states and also went to Warped Tour almost every year until I got sick af. We would find the perfect places to watch meteor showers and hold bonfires at a friend’s house (although we did start a bonfire in a soccer field we had no business being in at that time at night).

And we would drive around for hours with no destination. We typically told our parents we were going bowling when we did and we never fucking went bowling lol

There’s so much that we did

This is all the energy of my personal experience being a teenager with access to a minivan and then my own car that really made me think about the T7S gang and even though I want to focus so much on Jackie and Hyde and their romance, I feel like I would be doing such a disservice to the friendships in the show by not having them be actual friends in the story.

I’ve had a friend abandoned by her mother and she moved in with a bf and we all helped her (I had to teach her how to cook rice in a pot cuz her bf didn’t have a rice cooker and my mom made sure she knew she could come live with us if she got fed up with her bf’s family) and my family has opened their home to my friend and her family when they were in between homes. I’ve had to help friends through bad trips. We’ve all had our hearts broken. Some of us have dealt with being queer and learning about our own identities and the struggle with finding out who we really are. I found out my father wasn’t my biological father when I was 20 lol

And we all had each other during those moments. Just like how the T7S gang had each other. So I felt personally invested in making sure to elaborate on moments where they were hanging out and being friends to each other.

And I know. God that fic. Whenever I re-ead that fic I actually skip a lot and my last re-read of it made me feel like I couldn’t read it again just because it is way too biased. Like it completely absolves a certain character of everything and I kind of lost it when Brooke had to apologize to him in the fic....I feel like, you should definitely be able to criticize things that you love and that it doesn’t take away any love to recognize the bad with the good.

Like right now I have to show some bias against Kelso for the part of the story but I keep editing it so it’s not complete hate against him. It’s just for this part of the story he is well just being him which is unfortunately ugly and it has to be ugly until he can grow. But I feel guilty about it lol don’t hate me too much for what he has to go through first

Jackie and Donna. I have such a weak spot for them in my fic mostly because for the longest time I didn’t really have many girl friends. I was always too much of a boy, too weird, too ugly for the other girls so I didn’t have someone I was truly super close with until I was in like 8th grade. And there’s this sisterhood with Jackie and Donna that I wish they did better. Like ignoring s8 completely, there just could have been more. But the sweet moments we got were amazing. I just feel like the writers knew fuck all how to make the girls proper friends without feeling like they were losing the characters and how they were.

i will probably be introducing that ship in chapter 8. I’m just struggling wrapping up the last bit of chapter 7 aka the January 31st part. I’ve just been staring at page 56 and wondering if I’m doing it right.

#asks #zenmasters #t7s #that 70s show

[greennct]

chenle in your camera lens

fansite!au, i've had this idea for ages, i thought it was super cute!! let me know what u think, i tried to make it as fluff-y as possible bc chenle is my baby! it’s also bullet pointed bc i wanted to see how it would feel to write in that style & honestly i was literally just trying to write like @warmau​ bc she’s super talented & i love her im so sorry i had to drag u into this 💞💖💘

edit!! i just posted a part 2 to this fic, which you can find here!

(3.2k words yo what, no triggers apart from chenle making cute meme faces which genuinely actives my soft sad hours)

song rec: notice me by spinn

not to brag, but like,,,, you were pretty famous as far as fansites go

part of it was because you had just been around for so long, taking photos of zhong chenle pretty much since the first day of his debut

and part of it was how talented you were at capturing the boy so authentically

but the main reason nctzens knew/loved/worshipped you, was because of how effortless and pure your interactions were with him

before you had even heard the word kpop, your passion had always been photography

however since you were still in high school, you were broke and unable to really pursue your dream properly

like seriously, apart from one half-broken digital camera you were pretty sure hadn’t been upgraded since 2003, the photography department at your school was pretty much nonexistent. you found yourself getting more and more upset about the fact you weren’t allowed to do what you loved every day

so it really was only a matter of time before you decided to take matters into your own hands

immediately after having spent a ridiculous amount of money on a mediocre, but at least functioning camera, you decided to take it out the next weekend you could, to try and capture some action in the streets of seoul

you were expecting cute photos of couples, candids of children playing, maybe even some views of the city (if you could be bothered to find a rooftop), or anything else that struck your fancy

what you were not expecting, was a world-famous boyband filming some kind of variety show on your local high street

what you certainly did not expect at all, was to suddenly find yourself staring at the cutest boy you had ever seen in your life

there were seven or eight people with cameras already at the scene, furiously clicking away. you sidled up to the closet person you could find, and half-whispered to her, scared of disturbing the lighting speed of her shutter closing, to ask if she knew what the boy with the ash brown hair was called

you were told his name was chenle, & without having to think, you lifted the viewfinder to your eye, and snapped your first photo of him. you still have it today, it’s the first thing that pops up when someone searches your blog, a candid of him laughing at something jisung had said.

every time you look at it, you get this little fuzzy feeling in your stomach, reminded of the very first day that he had caught your eye, by doing something as simple and normal as laughing at a joke

since then, there was no looking back. you steadily made a name for yourself as a chenle fansite, with your amazing photography skills

and sure, your action shots of him dancing were ethereal, and your lack of whitewashing gained you popularity from a lot of fans, but your specialty, the reason everyone flocked to your blog directly after every awards show, was because of your candids of chenle

somehow, you had a knack for knowing exactly when to capture a giggle, pout or shocked reaction to one of the dreamies antics, managing to encapsulate chenille’s bubbly personality within a single frame

people who had met nct dream started referring your photos to international fans, claiming that your photos were the closest thing one could get to actually seeing what chenle was like irl

but even that wasn't the full reason that you became to famous and loved by nctzens

seriously, when the regular/irregular album came out, your inbox was fukk of messages from nctzens begging you to break into sm and reshoot the whole photobook

however, even though you loved taking photos of chenle, the problem was that you were basically his age

you were still in high school, living with your parents, and essentially under their control

having to originally been monitored by your mother every time you went to any kind of nct dream event, you quickly made friends with the other fansites, so that you wouldn’t have to  chaperoned, but instead was supervised by people you trusted, who were responsible adults

however, this didn't stop the older photographers from always teasing you, when you had to leave an awards show at 10pm with the rest of the underage members, were slightly late to an interview, because you had to rush from school, or even from time to time when you whipped out your laptop at a schedule, balancing it precariously on your raised knee whilst waiting for chenle, needing to submit an assignment to your teacher within the half hour

it quickly became a joke within the nctzens, the tiny, underage chenle fansite, who everyone loved to baby, with more talent than half of the adult photographers

what's more, you work didn't go under appreciated by the dreamies themselves

((((not to brag or anything,,,, but like,, you had the highest percentage of photos with chenle directly smiling at your lens than pretty much any other fansite))))

he knew that you were the same age as him, and mentioned it from the first fansite you went to. he told you to drop any formalities since you were “friends now,” and always teased you whenever he saw you

one of the ways that chenle would do this, was by always making a silly face before posing properly, sticking out his tongue, crossing his eyes, or doing some other dumb facial expression

he did it to tease you, trying to ruin your photos, as he had always asked why you couldn’t eve seem to take a bad photo of him

of course you had replied that it wasn't your skills that made the photos so pretty, it was him (with an extremely red face lmaoo), & so chenle tried to take that as a challenge

whenever he was sure no one else was looking, he would pull the most horrible faces for you to take photos of, trying to sabotage your photography

and of course you whined to yourself that he still managed to look incredibly endearing even with cross-eyes and some drool dripping off his chin

and you were sure other nctzens would die as much as you did with how sweet he looked in the photos - after all, the candid shots were completely on-brand for you

but somehow you could never bring yourself to upload the photos online, deciding there was something that would make your heart hurt a little bit at allowing other people to see those photos

even though you knew better,,,,, you wanted to pretend his expressions were just for you

of course you had a crush on chenle, it was hard to follow around such an effervescent & cheeky boy for so long without developing at least some kind of feelings for him

& though you felt your heart flip a little every time he complimented your photos, or told you that you looked nice that day,,,

you also weren't delusional. you knew that you didn't have a chance, you were literally just a fansite, & it was chenle’s job to be nice to you

because you were so conscious of coming off as creepy with your pretty obvious crush, you always made sure to completely respect his boundaries

you prided yourself on turning off your flash if you thought the dreamies looked tired, and when you started making enough money from your photos to follow them to different countries, you made sure to take different flights and stay at other hotels, if their details ever got leaked, not wanting to feel like you were stalking them

instead of ever acting on your emotions, you stayed content with the stupid faces he made you, convincing yourself they were just for you, and tried to shove your feelings deep, deep down

& for a while,,,, it worked. you & chenle stayed,, not friends but,, something closer than just a casual fan

he knew your name, he would always wave in your direction when he recognised you, and you would always hide your furious blush behind the camera lens when he sent you the occasional wink or finger heart

& that was enough for you,, until unfortunately, life started getting in the way

college was drawing closer and closer, & you had to start scrambling to put together a portfolio of your photography to apply to schools with

you realised you probably needed some more extracurriculars, so signed up for a copious amount of clubs, started volunteering for extra credit, actually studying for tests, and even hanging out a lot more with your friends, having realised with a shock, that you had limited time left to share with them before you all went to different schools

with all that going on, you barely had time to scroll through your social media accounts when you finally got to bed,

you spent the half an hour before your eyes drooped so low you were forced to turn your phone off scouring furiously through the photos other fansites had taken of chenle, scouring for any photos of the weird faces he made, if he had started doing them for someone else now that you had been away for a while

searching for a sign they weren’t just for you, and you had been delusional for hoping against hope this whole time

funnily enough, you actually ended up receiving the exact opposite of what you feared

upon opening your twitter one night, you discovered you had a lot more mentions than usual, all tagging you in one video

clicking on it, your stomach dropped slightly. it was taken at an award ceremony, previously your favourite time of the year, because it meant you got to see chenle almost every day. now you just felt a pang in your stomach - you couldn’t see chenle at all at the moment

it was a video of him turning to converse during an ad break with a jaemin fansite, one who had taken care of you a lot when you had first started to take photos

he mouthed the name of your fansite, raising his hands in a quizzical manner. you almost dropped your phone. upon calming yourself, and reasoning that of course he knew the name of your fansite, he spoke about it with you all the time, you resumed the video

when she didn’t understand what chenle was trying to communicate to her, he said you name (your felt your heart do a triple flip where is was beating sporadically in your throat), and asked where you had went

she replied “college applications!” and he pouted, suddenly blinded by flash as the fansites around him tried to capture the moment

“tell her to come back soon!” he said, and turned back around

you rewatched the video at least 20 more times to prove to yourself that it wasn’t fake

this sudden recognition and blatant affection that you were shown, was pretty much unheard of, and not only did you know that, but the whole of twitter knew it too

before you could even like the video, your whole account was filled with  messages from delusional stans either convinced you were dating and sending well-wishes, or threats to stay away from chenle indefinitely from slightly less sympathetic fans.

to be honest, you didn't know which reaction was worse

after all, though it was certainly blush-inducing, it wasn't anywhere close to a love confession, wasn't everyone overreacting slightly?

you sighed, turning off your phone. right now was an important time of your life. though there was still a significant amount of people telling other to back off, and simply being happy you had received such high praise from chenle, the last thing that you needed was your phone pinging all day with messages from everyone else, demanding some sort of explanation about the video from you, when you knew the exact same amount of information that they did.

the next day, you texted the jaemin fansite to tell her you'd be staying off of social media for a while. you deleted all your apps. you had decided to ride out this ‘scandal’ until you were at least done with your application, and you had to admit, not having the pressure of everyone scrutinising your every move was quite liberating

though the rest of the year was actually a lot of fun, and you ended up spending a lot more time pursuing things you didn't have time to previously, and spending time with friends,,,,

there was always that small ache you felt whoever your friend texted you saying chenle had asked about you again, or seeing a billboard of his face in the city, hearing an nct song playing in a café, reminding you of the lifestyle that had consumed you just months previously,,, that you missed more than anything,,,,,,, the boy you couldn’t stop thinking about,,

you tried to push the feeling down, reasoning that there was no way chenle was as bothered as you were about the separation, & carried on with your life, no matter how awful you felt at times

of course, the school year did have to end at some point, though. after what felt like years, your college decisions came back!!! you were so glad that your hard work had paid off!!!! (of course you got in to your dream school what kind of au would this be if u didn’t lol)

your friends wanted to take you out to celebrate, but you declined politely, knowing exactly where you were going

nct dream had just had a comeback, and your jaemin fansite friend had won you an extra ticket to their fansign “just in case,” since she know you were about to finish your schoolwork

you missed chenle too much to stay away from him much longer, no matter how stupid you knew your feelings were

let me tell you,,,,, the moment you walked into the hall, the tension in the fansign literally hit the roof

you practically ran into your seat, ducking behind your camera lens, trying to capture chenle without actually having to make eye contact with him

everyone was whispering about your sudden return after months of silence on social media,, you caught some people trying to take photos of you sneakily

the dreamies noticed your presence too, of course

haechan caught sight of you first, and nudged chenle, who was standing next to him, pointing him in your direction

the whole room literally squealed at the way chenles entire face lit up at the familiar sight of your camera

& you,,, well you were just glad your face was covered because hOly hECk you were blushing,,, you tried to keep your face hidden, until you had to go up to get him to sign your album

when you left your seat, the whole room collectively held their breath, like im not even kidding, there had been so much speculation over whether or not you had left the fandom over the controversy, so your sudden unexpected return to the fansign was a huge

now of course chenle was the last in the line, so you had to deal with the rest of the dreamies teasing beforehand, while they signed your album. though you were friendly with them, and they knew your name of course,

however whoever you had talked it had always been sweet and innocent,, they had never made you so,,,,,, uncomfortable before

even jeno, the shyest of the lot gave you a knowing smirk when he said “welcome back!”

jisung told you he couldn’t draw a heart, otherwise chenle might get jealous, and mark just gave you a cryptic look.

“chenle’s been pretty worried about you.... don't break his heart.”

you kind of just laughed awkwardly, and moved down the queue to jaemin. there was no way that he was being serious. nct dream were acting weird around you

you tried to quell the nerves in your stomach when you finally faced chenle

“hi!” you managed

“i missed you!!!! don’t ever leave me for so long again!” chenle pouted, skipping the formalities of small talk. you tried not to giggle like a twelve-year-old

“i'm sorry, chenle, i had college-”

“applications!” he finished “how did they go? have you heard? did you get in? you wanted to go to the arts one in daegu, right?”

you blinked, surprised he remembered such a small detail about your life. you could barely remember telling him about it. “um, ye-yeah! i did!”

“woooaaah!” he cheered loudly, “i always knew you were smart!!” taking your hand in his, he waved them together in the air. you could hear gasps and clicks behind you

“this is gonna be all over twitter tomorrow, you know, chenle.” you blushed, gently trying to extract your hand in order to make sure he was comfortable

chenle simply tightened his grip on your intertwined fingers, pulling them closer to his face, as he leaned his head against them. “they seem to like us together, don't they?” he agreed. you let out a little gasp in spite of yourself, cheeks extremely flushed.

“i don't mind...” he continued, “unless you do?”

you shook your head slightly, not trusting yourself to speak. chenle had always been flirty with you, the same way he was flirty with all the other fans he met, but this behaviour was a huge step up from what you had experienced beforehand. your brain started working overtime, putting pieces together at 100 miles an hour

the weird faces, the asking about you, the trivial facts he remembered,, was is possible,,, chenle also-

“miss? your time is up” a manager started trying to hurry you along, as there were already two or three people queuing behind you. “wait!” chenle said, finishing his signature in your album, scribbling furiously

he then looked up at you, offering the pinky finger of his free hand up with a solemn expression

“promise you won't run away again?”

you joined your fingers with his, unable to do anything but nod at his forward behaviour

“you gotta promise!!”

“i promise!” you half whispered

chenle pressed a small, chaste kiss on your fingers

it was so fast that it could've been mistaken for him simply waving your hands together

however you and chenle, with matching blushing faces knew exactly what the gesture had meant

the rest of the afternoon, you tried to ignore how the butterflies in your stomach had suddenly morphed into huge stallions, kicking up all of your emotions all over the place

it certainly didn’t help that he kept looking over at you. winks, hearts, kisses, pouts were all thrown your way

and of course, from time to time, he would go to your side of the auditorium, lean close into your huge camera lens, and make a horribly ugly face

every time he did, you found your heart swelling just a little more, because you knew, you knew

that those faces had always been for you

& when you got home, and read the message chenle had left in your album, a small paragraph simply stating he thought you were “seriously, like ridiculously beautiful,” you knew that he hadn’t written a series of digits underneath his signature for anyone else

you finally understood, that everything had always been just for you

#chenle #zhong chenle #nct dream #nct chenle #nct dream chenle #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #chenle fluff #chenle au #nct dream au #chenle fic #chenle imagine #nct fic #nct imagine #nct dream fic #nct dream imagine #nct dream scenario #writings

[canonicallyanxious]

this is soo selfish of me to ask but can I please ask what your thoughts are to how simon and bram find each other in the 'we fell like rain' au?? Like do you think it'd happen the same, because I guess they cant give away all that much away about one another without the other one guessing, bc they know a lot more about each other, being best friends? Like Simon could mention one thing about an oreo and I can imagine bram guessing it, haha. But Id really love to hear your thoughts on this! (1/2)

(2/2) bc that fic you wrote is sooo beautiful, I'm so curious as to how everything would play out in that world. I wonder if Simon might have been able to guess it in this verse?? Ahh, so many questions haha sorry! Love your writing

Hi friend! first of all thank you so much for your kind words and for thinking about we fell like rain!! It honestly means the world to me that you would want to know more about this verse like idk it’s just beyond amazing to me that anyone would want to?? second before i proceed i just wanted to say i believe very firmly in death to the author so if you have your own hcs and ideas about what happens next you are 1000000% free to have them and they are totally, completely valid - as I most likely won’t be continuing this verse, your guess is honestly as good as mine! having said that, here are some of the thoughts i have [with a cut bc yikes this got long]:

so first of all i think it’s worth mentioning that unlike Bram, i don’t think Simon would be quite as aware of his feelings for Bram; in simon vs, he’s very adamant about having a “policy of not falling for straight guys” in relation to Nick and so i feel like that would kind of carry over to Bram too if they happened to be close friends, especially considering Simon is much more oblivious and less self aware than Bram is; the feelings might be there, but would he recognize them as such? that’s harder to determine. i feel like he’s the kind of person who’d take his thoughts of how attractive Bram is and be like “but obviously everyone thinks that of him” kind of similarly to how Bram was with Simon in the fic lol

i can see it going a lot of ways, of course, but in my head the trajectory of the plot at least is pretty similar [at least in terms of their relationship developing through email, the blackmail plot, Simon being outed, etc.; one would have to imagine in addition to this their irl friendship would be developing, too - think of the pining!]. i’m not sure that i think Bram would figure out who Jacques was sooner than he did in canon [although you could maybe make the argument that he might have figured it out pretty soon in canon], mostly because he would probably try not to get his hopes up even more fiercely than in simon vs. i feel like his self-preservation instincts are pretty strong, so he’d be trying to protect himself from himself if that makes sense? in that sense, i feel like for him there would be an added dimension of, like, first of all trying really hard to get over irl simon [and maybe not being able to] and seeing similarities between jacques and irl simon as himself projecting his feelings onto jacques, subsequently resulting in lots of guilt and stuff. which could potentially cloud his perception a lot! but after a while i feel like even Bram wouldn’t be able to ignore it.

On Simon’s end, i’m not sure he’d be able to guess it either. It’s conceivable that he would! in my head though the fact that Bram actually mentioned the person he has feelings for in his original post would probably cause him to be even more careful about the information he divulges; it’s a big school but i’m sure Bram is well aware of the fact that most people would know who his “group” is. also there’s all the aforementioned not really in touch with his feelings and probably would make a conscious effort not to assume it was anyone he actually knew stuff

with all that in mind, in canon the emails were very much the one place these boys could be really open about themselves and talk about being gay, and that would still be a big thing in this verse, but i find the idea that the emails are the one place they can be open about being gay but not really much else about themselves to be compelling when juxtaposed with how Simon and Bram share lots of themselves with each other but they feel like they can’t be open about this one big thing. it would certainly be interesting to explore the feelings of that! 

and then you have to wonder how Bram would react to Simon being outed. if he hadn’t figured it out already he would DEFINITELY know then, but i don’t think he’d be ready to tell Simon that he’s Blue. there would probably be a lot of guilt there that he knows all this stuff about Simon that he feels like he shouldn’t know, because would Simon have told him if he’d known it was Bram [i mean, debatable that this doubt of Bram’s is all that founded, but you have to imagine the tumultuous heightened emotions of this situation]?? so maybe that would fracture their irl friendship too a little, if Bram was too overwhelmed with, like, the guilt of knowing all this stuff, plus the guilt of not being able to be there for Simon in the way he really wants to be [i.e - not posing as a straight ally], plus confusion over Simon potentially being into Cal. Blue pulling away in the emails - would Bram pull away in real life too? Hm. Maybe.

anyway, obviously i never got around to figuring out a proper outline so i really don’t know what else i would have changed if i had decided to continue with this verse [and honestly the fact that i figured the endgame at least would be the same made it easy to make the decision not to; i can’t write canon better than becky can!] but i like to think of the weight “it’s you” would have in this verse. like, maybe it wouldn’t have occurred to Simon before that very moment, at least not on a conscious level, but at the same time it wouldn’t surprise him at all. it would just make sense, on a level he wouldn’t even be able to articulate. and the relief that both of them would probably feel that they can finally be completely, 100% honest with each other? Fucking unreal, I would imagine.

in light of all that, i don’t think much would have to be changed from canon to make an interesting story. The interesting part [to me] would be how just this one change in the story could affect the complexity of their feelings. Same story, more or less, but a host of different emotions driving it!

Anyway. that’s pretty much all i’ve got on this subject. i hope this satisfies you, anon, though if you want to keep discussing this i’m honestly more than game. thank you so much for this opportunity to talk about this verse

#wow can you believe i wrote an entire essay about this lol #i'm a parody of myself #anonymous #answers

[jimmriarty]

Do you have any headcanons for Robert and Joseph?

KINDA??? Some friends of mine (irl friends near my mom’s place) are into dream daddy so we basically spent days shitposting irl and having headcanons. Most of my headcanons are super silly and often involve robert/joseph/mary. And when I mean super silly I mean that we watched memes and vines and said “this is robert and joseph”.

NSFW headcanons basically write themselves so i’m not gonna talk about them. I mean Joseph in canon reads books about knots, and Robert is “knife dad”. Also I hope there are fics with praise kink and church related stuff, if not, I will be incredibly disappointed. 

Now, serious headcanons... I’ve some but I haven’t thought them in detail, so I’m gonna brainstorm under this ask.

First of all, I don’t think Joseph is a bad person. I think of the cult ending as a DLC, a canon AU. And if it’s canon, I imagine Joseph is possessed and isn’t a bad person per se -- i love possessed!joseph tho, but for the sake of headcanons and ships i’m gonna treat it as an alternative universe and i’m not gonna speak of it here.

Joseph and Robert had a thing. It’s there, is canon material. We see a picture where Robert has Joseph’s sweater and that’s why I don’t believe the “one night stand” thing. That and the fact that Joseph calls him “Rob” and I don’t know, I’m sure there was something more than sex. Oh, and before I go on I want to say that I mostly ship them in the past, before dadsona moves and all of that.

I think they met because of Mary. Mary, in an unhappy marriage, met Robert at the bar and they started becoming friends. She mentions her husband, youth pastor Joseph. Now, I don’t know how (mary suggested it? joseph did? and if so, how did he know about robert? maybe they met all 3 together? but how, i doubt mary would invite robert home. maybe robert and joseph just met randomly? i mean, they do live near each other...) but Robert and Joseph started talking. Robert is a mess that copes with alcohol and sex. Joseph, on the other hand, is charming, shows empathy and gives help to the ones around him. I like to imagine Robert opened to him and felt loved and listened to. Joseph is trapped in an unhappy marriage and helping Robert also helps him, because he finally feels wanted and loved and desired. 

For a while they were happy. And idk, it just warms my heart imagining robert + soft fruity drinks or robert bringing joseph to hunt cryptids ksenjdkhnjkdfnhk. also idk just their combination of personalities is so funny???

Their break-up must have been nasty. Robert thinks Joseph is a terrible person and thinks the same of Dadsona if you date him twice but at the end choose Joseph. I think he has that reaction not because he’s jealous, but because he feel betrayed by someone he opened up to and I think it’s pretty much what happened with Joseph. I think that Joseph felt guilty and stopped contacting Robert, because his perfect facade is more important. And when Robert tried to idk at least preserve their emotional bond or friendship or whatever, Joseph basically told him that he’s a mess, a bad person, a bad father and that they have nothing in common so they could never be together. I can see Robert saying to Joseph what he basically says to Dadsona in the bad ending, something among the lines of “you think i am a bad person but you slept with me anyway, so you are bad too”.

Robert is still friends with Mary tho, and I think is because their bond was deeper/he knew her before he met Joseph and because he’s angry at Joseph, not at Mary. I mean, I think he didn’t expect a good ending with Joseph, he knew he would chose Mary at the end, but what made him angry was feeling betrayed.

IDK i think their relationship was a Mess bc of Robert’s issues and Joseph’s internalized homophobia

Also, about the tattoo, the reminder... I like to think is a stick and poke Robert did to himself right after the breakup. Now, we know that symbol is connected to the cult but I don’t want to consider it actual canon so idk why he chose that. OR maybe he and Joseph have matching tattoos? but Joseph hide his?? and that’s why he hates being asked about it? 

IDK MY HEADCANONS ARE A MESS LIKE ROBERT

#Anonymous

[cookinguptales]

Okay, so... This post has been a long time coming. Like, long enough that I’ve gone back and forth and made many posts about this over the past week. ahaha. On one hand, I feel bad bringing up things that happened so long ago, and that almost kept me silent for good. It makes me feel grudgey and petty and like I’m abusing my fandom platform. But on the other hand, I’ve had certain things happen lately that have led me to reconsider my stance of silently blocking people who make me uncomfortable in fandom. And god, despite blacklisting and blocking this guy, he’s been showing up on my dash like crazy lately due to screenshots and whitelisting. He’s all over karabita fandom, and at a certain point, I realized that that isn’t just uncomfortable for me seeing him everywhere -- it’s also a bit worrying considering the age of many people in this fandom, who are honestly really young.

Cut for length.

Last spring, I started writing in the karabita fandom, and it led to a lot of firsts for me. I’d never really had many followers on tumblr before, and I almost never got asks before my fic for this fandom started getting popular. So I really wasn’t sure about ask/request etiquette, and I didn’t always lay down the law like I would learn to do so later. Basically, I wanted to be everyone’s friend, I wanted to answer everyone’s @messages and reblogs and asks and IMs, and I didn’t want to say no when I got requests and asks that made me uncomfortable. I also tended to answer asks I had any kind of problem with privately, which is a decision I’ve since come to regret. I learned that answering them publicly may lead to some fandom friction, but it creates a public record of someone’s weirdness towards you.

I’ve definitely gotten some weird asks over the past year. A lot of them have been anonymous, so I never really knew who to avoid. But starting last summer, one person sent me a long string of bizarre asks, and they did it logged in. president-frankenstein. I answered most of these privately bc honestly most of them made me weirded out, frustrated, or kind of creeped out. At least one I found deeply offensive. (And yes, I still have copies of all of these in my inbox.)

There was a strong element of pushing me to do things I didn’t want to do. He approached me asking me to write Totty/Chibita, a pairing I’ve never talked about publicly bc frankly, it’s a very much hated NOTP of mine. I told him this, and he was like “oh, that’s fine!” (Phew!!) And then he asked me to read his Totty/Chibita fic. (What??) And like all these beginning asks were couched in very complimentary, almost obsequious terms (which also made me kind of uncomfortable, but that’s more my own issues) so I was like. “Well, that was weird, but I guess not a big deal.”

Things took a turn for the weirder when the guy sent me a long, detailed prompt (completely unprovoked, requests weren’t open or anything) for a Pacific War AU that included, along with myriad other things, romanticization of Imperial Japanese soldiers, historically inaccurate details that would aid in that romanticization, and romanticization of (non-canon) disability, all things that make me incredibly uncomfortable bordering on offended. (As most of my followers know, I am disabled IRL, and as for the Imperial soldier thing, well, I’d be equally upset to get a request to write a Nazi soldier romanticizing fic. Protip: war crimes aren’t sexy.) I went back and forth on how to answer this weird, unasked for message, especially because I was honestly kind of seeing red about the contents of the prompt. I eventually sent back a polite but very terse message saying that the content made me very uncomfortable and I under no circumstances wanted to write it. And at that point, I basically washed my hands of it and hoped it was over and he’d stop talking to me.

He apologized. And he kept apologizing. Here’s a tip for people who are apologizing: if you apologize and the person you’re apologizing to doesn’t answer you -- but you keep sending messages until you get a reply back? You care about assuaging your own guilt more than the actual comfort of the person you’re apologizing to. And I will tell you, my comfort level dropped from “low” to “basement level”. I honestly never wanted to talk to him again, but I did eventually send him a message like, yes, I got your apology the first time, I just didn’t want to talk to you anymore.

And then the thing happened that switched me from “I do not like a person in fandom” to “holy shit this person creeps me out”. As soon as I told him I didn’t want to respond to his asks, he posted photomanip fanart for a fic of mine plus a multiple paragraph tumblr post fawning over me. There were a lot of red flags in there, and I could probably break it down point by point (and did, when I contacted several friends and showed him all his messages like “am I right to be incredibly weirded out by this guy” bc I still always doubt my gut reaction) but here are the main things that automatically alarmed me.

Publicly implying closeness that did not exist. Referring to me by real name instead of pseud, acting like he knew what I intended for my fics (he was wrong, by the way), talking about how long he’d been a reader (not that long, actually), etc. Huge, huge red flag.

Actually, continuing that second point, the assumption that he knew what was going on inside my head was presumptuous, entitled, and a little creepy. Like he straight up said that he was sure that if had made the fic longer or if I ever continued the fic, I’d definitely include this headcanon of his. (He sent me asks related to this (again, incorrect) headcanon of his later on, and I did not answer them.) Like he just took it as a given that he understood what I really meant when I said things, which is always a bit alarming when someone already doesn’t seem to understand what you’re telling them.

Tagging me in his post and talking about how much he hoped I liked it (I DID NOT) but not actually directing anything in the post towards me. Making sure I saw something but not talking to me. He was just like. Self-admittedly talking to my audience and cutting me out of the loop. He posted it in all the fandom tags. It was weird and offputting and performative. And very, VERY public.

Now, some background and further explanation about why this upset me so much. I have, in the past, been stalked online. And no, these events I’m talking about now never came anywhere near that feeling of unsafety. But guys, this is absolutely something that the guy who ended up stalking me did to me repeatedly, often enough that I finally realized that doing this is manipulative, not complimentary. Here’s the pattern: Be friendly, upset me until I no longer wanted to communicate with him, then make a public gushing announcement about how wonderful he thought I was. This part is complicated. Part of it is bound up in the whole (deeply problematic) trope of “winning a girl’s esteem back through an OTT gesture” that’s popular in movies -- and that I have grown to hate -- and some of it is linked to female socialization. Above all else, be nice. If someone compliments you, even if it makes you uncomfortable, you’re a “bitch” if you don’t acknowledge it and say thank you. When you tell a guy that you don’t want to talk to him and he responds by making a VERY PUBLIC (again, posted to all fandom tags) post full of gushing praise, it is a manipulative move designed to put you in a position where you need to respond. The guy knew I respond to everyone who makes fanworks of my stories (or, uh, at least try to -- I’ve definitely forgotten during busy periods a couple times), and the guy knew that a socially acceptable response to a post like that is public acknowledgment. It’s a way of bribing you into talking to them again (that grand OTT gesture -- whether romantic or, as in this case, platonic -- that makes any girl forgive you) and a way of putting you in a social situation where you have to talk to them again. It’s a shitty thing to do to someone.

And let’s be 100% clear about something. Putting a woman on a pedestal is just another way of dehumanizing her. There comes a time when praise becomes deeply uncomfortable rather than complimentary, and this guy saw that line and fucking pole-vaulted over it.

I went back and forth on how to respond to this. I thought about privately contacting him, which was my usual go-to response when things made me unhappy online. I thought about reblogging it with a simple message to stop contacting me, publicly for once so people would finally know how I felt about all this. (There was a point when people were actually straight up “shipping” me with my stalker (their words), so I knew the dangers of letting the illusion of closeness hang out in public where people who didn’t know our private history would see it.) In the end, I just ignored it and hoped he’d get the fucking picture.

Spoilers: he didn’t. He contacted me several more times, asking for meta and fic again. I answered one ask, out of that sickly guilty feeling I always get when I don’t respond to fandom asks and because it actually was information that I wanted to convey to my followers, and then just...stopped replying to any. Honestly, I wish I hadn’t even replied to that one ask because I fear that it encouraged him. He stopped sending me asks for a little while, but then I started getting anon asks that -- well, obviously I can’t prove anything, but the guy’s asks were always pretty easy to pick out of a crowd, so I had my suspicions. In the end, I was getting stressed out whenever I saw him in fandom (and disagreed with like...100% of his headcanons and fandom thoughts) and I didn’t want to have to worry about if he really was sending me anon messages, so I blocked him. Like the last thing I need is paranoia. I barely ever block people on tumblr, so this was a hard decision for me. But yeah, after several months of weird messages, I blocked him.

Going forward.... idk man. idek what I want. After I blocked him, he couldn’t bother me anymore, so that was good enough for rme. I blacklisted his name, which unfortunately blacklisted a lot of fanworks -- he tends to get his groupie on with other fan creators in the karabita fandom, so he sends asks to people ALL THE TIME and so a lot of fanworks have his name in the post -- and for the most part didn’t see him all that often. But then a whole bunch of things (detailed in other posts) happened in short order and between my realization that resolving my stalker situation privately allowed him to flourish in fandom and the fact that suddenly I could not fucking escape this guy, I started considering going public with my own discomfort. I don’t want anyone else to find themselves in the weird, uncomfortable situation I was in.

At the same time, though, like I said... The guy’s username is in all kinds of fan content posts. After a couple of followers approached me privately to get the story on the guy who was clearly stressing me out, they asked me if I wanted them to stop reblogging posts that contained his asks, especially ones that have screenshots of the asks and therefore can’t be blocked. And part of me really doesn’t want to see those things, but even more of me believes that to be desperately unfair towards the people who make fanworks that just happen to be associated with him. So like. Don’t do that. Please do not make any callout posts or harass anyone involved with this, either. I 100% do not condone fandom dogpiling.

I guess I’ll just tell you the same thing I told the (new) friend that I saw, to my horror, publicly praising the guy who stalked me for years as “a great friend’. You can be friends with whomever you want, but just know the guy’s done creepy shit. It’s possible that p-f is just socially awkward, like many people in fandom, and he just legit did not get that he was freaking me out. (Despite me, at a couple points, telling him I was uncomfortable.) But I’ve learned the hard way that repeatedly forgiving people who are “socially awkward” can land you in situations where you feel unsafe, and that’s never okay.

So I guess now you know?? I’ve gone over the reasons I hesitated to make this post many times in other posts, and I’ll add one more thing. I blocked p-f. Unless he logs out or someone c/ps this for him, he cannot read this, and he cannot directly defend himself. I do worry over that bc it seems unfair. But at the same time, I’ve come to the point where I’m tired of just not talking about it and privately, politely trying to get people to stop when they make me uncomfortable in fandom. Other people deserve to have fun and feel safe in fandom, but so do I! The fic that a guy wants to read, or his feelings of guilt, or his desire to smooth things over and make me like him -- none of those things take precedence over my own sense of safety and comfort while playing around in a hobby, and the fact that he prioritized those things over my clear discomfort is the biggest red flag of all.

Also, I have him blocked for a reason. I will not be looking at or responding to any reply by him, and please do not try to ferry messages between us. I will block you, too, bc I will no longer be able to trust you to respect my boundaries. (Again, that’s something I had to deal with when I finally spoke up about the guy who’d been sending me upwards of 50 messages a day on like 10 different platforms, going to places I liked IRL to find “traces of me”, trying to become friends with my friends so we’d run into each other in social environments, and publicly planning play dates for our future children -- and it tore me to bits when I lost friends that way.)

thank you if you read all this, and I hope you have a good night.

#I don't even know what to tag this...