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lovesickeros · 5 months

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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 4 ]

{☆} characters arlecchino, furina, lyney {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 3.7k {☆} previous [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]

Fontaine was bathed in darkness, not even the moon daring to illuminate where the common man fears to walk. The streets were bleak and empty save for the constant, rhythmic ticking and clanking of machines marching on endlessly, dauntlessly wading where even the bravest dared not to venture. Not even the sharp click of the Gardes boots followed the occasional hisses of steam as they walked the barren streets.

It was haunting, and it'd been like that for days now. It showed little signs of stalling in the slightest, too. Every inch of Fontaine was practically crawling with Gardemeks– like a swarm of rats skittering about.

Arlecchino had secluded herself in the Hotel Bouffes d'ete for days at this point, waiting– biding her time. Her nails clicked against the wood as she tapped at the table in a stilted rhythm, the subtle click of the clock mixing into the clanking outside, weaving in and out of earshot as the patrols slipped by. She reached forward after a moment of thought, reaching for the white king.

She leaned back against the chaise, tilting her head just enough to catch a glimpse of a patrol of Gardemeks as they vanished behind the rows and rows of buildings. It wasn't enough to keep her attention for long, however, her features twisting in disinterest as she glanced back to the chessboard– and the letter neatly resting beside it. The seal was unmistakable and a sobering sight, demanding her attention– the soft hues of blue etched into the shape of a dragon stared back at her in a way that almost unsettled her.

She had already parsed through it's contents hundreds of times, but she was met with only vague, flowing script that only served to irritate her more then anything– it filled the page top to bottom yet managed to say nothing at all. Her hand reached out again, but instead of reaching for the letter she plucked the black rook from the board, setting it down with a soft click.

Arlecchino had all the time in the world to sit back and observe her prey, but all that time would be useless if she lacked the information to act.

And he was quite tight fisted about it, evidentially. None of her inquiries or attempts to decipher any potential codes in the letter left her empty handed. She could not act without even knowing the reason for his summons– it was almost worded like a personal affair rather then one would expect for a foreign diplomat. In truth, she'd expected a scalding report on her operatives, but it lacked any mention of anything of the sort.

She was no stranger to people masking hostility behind pretty words and compliments, not that it was ever unwarranted per se– the Fatui did not create connections through honesty and genuine kindness. They have strong armed more then their fair share of people into cooperation to the point distrust is all the Fatui are met with outside of Snezhnaya. Every word was meant to conceal the deceit, every action meant to conceal the price later paid.

So she had been..skeptical of the letter, to put it lightly. She doubted the Iudex of all people would offer a hand to the Fatui without a price attached– a trap, perhaps, meant to lure in the most powerful piece left on the board. Her eyes narrowed, reaching for a white rook and moving it to the right.

Or he was hiding something. Something that he simply couldn't risk getting out to anyone, not even the Divine themself. A tempting prize, whatever it was.

..A dangerous prize, too.

She'd considered burning the letter and forgetting it all together– the risk was great, and she couldn't risk getting caught up by whoever else the Iudex may have on his side of the board. But she could hardly pass up the challenge and the prize that he fought so hard to keep from prying eyes and ears. Even her agents came back empty handed each time. She lazily picked up a black rook, sliding the white pawn aside.

"Lyney," Arlecchino drawled, crossing one leg over the other and turning her gaze to the door as it slowly creaked open. The pale visage of Lyney stepped through, though his siblings were noticeably absent. The weariness that weighed down on his shoulders was apparent in the slightest furrow of his brows and the subtle creak of leather as he clenched his fists behind his back. "Father." He choked out, the title dragged out by the sharp inhale and shaky exhale.

He looked out of breath, she noted.

The silence that lingered after the small exchange was punctuated only by the click of another chess piece being moved. She sets aside the black rook, letting it sit among the dozen other pieces that had been wiped off the board. She can see the conviction glinting beneath the fog of exhaustion, but if he would utilize it was another matter all together.

He had seemed to make his choice quickly, at the very least.

"Our contacts and operatives within the Fortress of Meropide have gone silent– all we have is their final confirmed missive.." His voice is confident, but it is rigid as the words spill from his lips. He takes a sharp step forward, unfolding his arms from behind his back and opening his hands– the small, water stained and messily folded note catches her eye, plucking it from his palms with a half hearted interest. "They believe the Duke left the Fortress of Meropide..and that he may be coming to the Court of Fontaine."

Her eyes narrow dangerously, nearly crumpling the thin paper in her hands– yet just as quickly, she collects herself.

But she cannot get rid of the bitter taste on her tongue, lingering as she sets down the note and slides it to the side, her lips pursed into a thin line.

So the Iudex had shown one of his pieces..she tightly grasps a black rook, tipping over the white rook, letting it roll against the board.

If the Duke was involved, things were much more complicated then she expected– he would be a problem, she was certain. She couldn't blame the lamb for fearing the wolf, either. Whether her agents had been killed or captured by the man mattered little. He had his ways, and he was a force that could instill fear in even them.

Which meant the possibility that her operation was already compromised was far too real.

What had the Iudex so concerned he had gone through the trouble of bringing in the Duke and herself? The Fatui was one thing, but to specifically request one of it's Harbingers..

The Prophecy? The thought had her clenching her fist, but..no. If it were to rear it's head now, the Iudex could simply not afford to waste time on his contacts deciphering his nonsensical script– If the prophecy were to be the issue, there time would be limited to mere minutes in the worst of cases. Which meant it was worth biding his time in order to ensure absolute secrecy.

So if not the prophecy, then what?

Her next moves were..limited. She was already walking on eggshells considering her position and the reputations of the Fatui– especially with a Harbinger in the midst. If they caught wind of her operations, they'd weed out her operatives and be on guards for any snakes that lingered in their garden.

She reached for the chessboard again, picking up one of the white rooks from the board with a scowl. The sharp click as she sets down the white rook and sets aside the black pawn draws a shaky inhale from Lyney as she moves another black pawn, the dull click of the pieces drowning out the distant clinking of machines.

..A draw, perhaps.

The pieces were all falling into place– the players of this game were slowly being revealed. Whether she could secure her victory..she was unsure.

She wasn't even sure who her opponent was. Only that the Iudex himself was but another piece in their game.

Arlecchino reached for the board again, yet this time she hesitated. Perhaps she could still swipe the win from beneath them, if she played her cards right.

She would simply have to capture the king– or, if need be, let it end on a draw. Either way, she would not concede. She could not afford to concede. Down to the last piece, she would drag out this match until she was in a position to force their hand into the outcome she desired.

She stood slowly, picking up the king piece and observing it for only the briefest of moments before she set it down on the table, taking measured steps around the table and across the room. She was hunting a much more dangerous quarry today– it would be no simple runaway traitor this time.

"Do you remember the directive?" She inquired coldly, her hand lingering on the door for that long, tense moment. "..Yes, Father." Lyney faltered, taking a hesitant step back and bowing at the waist. "Then do not stray."

All that was left was the silence and click of the door shutting behind her as she disappeared down the hall, her boots clicking harshly against the floorboards. The rest of the agents knew better then to linger in her path as she stepped down into the lobby, adjusting the cuffs of her sleeves. She barely even acknowledged the Fatui agent standing at the ready by the heavyset doors, their gloves hands held out with her cloak held loosely in their palms. She quickly snagged it from them, tugging it over her board shoulders and clasping it around her throat.

With a quick tug, she brought the hood up over her head to conceal her sharp features, lifting her hand and placing a neatly folded note within their waiting hands. She had only one chance to make the right moves and secure her victory– no matter the cost.

Each piece had it's purpose.

Oft, that purpose was a bloody and horrible end– but for the grand goal of the Fatui built on the backs of the dead, it was an honor.

She didn't bother speaking a word as she dismissed them with a wave of her hand, pushing open the heavyset doors and stepping out into the barren, damp streets. The rhythmic clink and whir of Gardemeks was still distant– she needed to move. Her boots clicked and splashed in the rain soaked stone of the streets as she slithered between the buildings, ducking through the openings in the patrols.

It was almost too easy.

She tilted her head back, taking in the towering Palais Mermonia with a scowl, her hands clenched into fists. The final moves were being played– the king was within her reach, yet she felt no more confident then when she began.

The air carried a sense of unease, thick and heavy, filling her lungs until she felt her breath still in her chest– listening to the empty, bleak night that seemed so..quiet.

She'd done her fair share of research, had more then her fair share of her agents try to peer into the Iudex's office or the Archon's supposedly hidden chambers, but every attempt was a failure. She had to give them credit, they were quite elusive when they wished to be. Though now she only thought about it bitterly– this was all a risky gamble, in the end, and only time would tell if it paid off.

With minimal effort, she'd managed to pull herself to the flat, tiled roof, eyeing the massive tower peaking out of the center cautiously. At least here the wandering patrols down below weren't likely to notice her..she could hear them passing by the spot she'd been in only a few minutes ago, just beneath her. She pulled the hood further over her face, peering through the sheer darkness of the night for any oddities, but it was almost impossible to see in the dark.

Her boots clicked softly against the tiles as she approached the tower jutting out from the Palais, her hand gliding along the smooth stone, pressing against odd indents or crevices. If it was for the Archon's chambers, she doubted they made it very difficult– she'd only met the woman once, but she doubted the Iudex make it all that complex just from a brief glance. And it surprised her little when one of the stones sunk into the wall, gears whirring as the walls split open to reveal a stairwell straight into an inky black hall. Only the barest hint of light peaked under the door at the bottom, but it's occupants must have heard her, considering it went out not a moment later.

She cautiously stepped down into the small crevice, her breath visible in the bitter cold air– her shoulders tensed at the subtle sound of muffled footsteps behind the door, her vision flaring with a molten heat between her shoulder blades as she reached for the worn handle of the door. The heat of her vision was enough to just barely heat the metal, her vision flaring like a quickly building inferno.

Arlecchino was prepared for a fight, if it came down to it.

The door creaked as she pressed against it, shoving it open with a grunt of effort and surveying the room with narrowed eyes and a biting remark on the tip of her tongue– the lavish opulence was expected, she supposed, but the lack of the towering figure of the Iudex was not.

Yet before she could get a word in or even take in her surroundings properly, the light flickered back on and she had to squeeze her eyes shut with a hiss at the sudden brightness. She could hear the door being shoved closed behind her, the hurried footsteps retreating just as quickly as her eyes adjusted to the light.

..This was a joke, wasn't it? It had to be.

She'd expected the Iudex, perhaps even the Duke if she'd been unlucky, not the Hydro Archon. She had half the mind to test her worth as an Archon then and there, her temper flaring like an uncontrollable blaze, barely kept at bay. It took all her self control to force herself to smile politely at the woman rather then snarl.

"Miss Furina," She sneered beneath her hood, x shaped pupils locked onto the startled, trembling Archon with thinly veiled contempt. "What a..pleasant surprise. You'll have to forgive my manners, I assumed I was meeting with the Iudex." She observed her body language carefully– the way her eyes darted about like a frightened rabbit seeking escape, the slightest tremble of her lips..

Arlecchino opened her mouth to offer another scathing remark, but her jaw audibly clicked shut as her entire body seemed to lock up. Even her vision went cold against her back, a chilling feeling creeping up her spine as someone, or something, crept up behind her. Their footsteps were almost silent, the slight rustling of their clothes the only thing she could hear over her heart pounding against her ribcage.

Arlecchino had always prided herself on being on the other end of that sensation– she was the monster, and her target was the prey frozen like a deer between the hunters crosshair.

It was a chilling feeling to have the dynamic shifted on it's head.

She couldn't even swallow, her jaw clenched so hard she could hear it creak as she tried to reason with her quickly splintering mind– a futile effort, her joints locking up almost painfully. Black spots were quickly swallowing her vision from the lack of air in her lungs, the sound of shuffling behind her barely audible over the ringing in her ears.

For a moment – a moment too long to have only lasted the seconds that it did, yet so quick it gave her whiplash – she thought she would hit the floor dead before she could even glimpse her assailant.

And then it was gone. She came crashing back into reality with a startled inhale, her lungs burning and her knees nearly buckling under her. The instinct to lash out and kill whoever had done it was intense, yet she couldn't bring herself to move even a finger– it would be so easy to twist around and ignite them with searing flames, but her feet were rooted in place.

She almost didn't notice the surprisingly gentle hands unclasping her cloak, tugging it off her shoulders, if not for the sheer intensity of the presence still lingering behind her. Her mind was still fractured, struggling to right itself after the ordeal, and it had her seething.

"..Are you certain you held back enough?" Furina croaked, the normally soft lilt raspy and almost hoarse. "Not– not that I doubt your capability, most Divine!"

Arlecchino felt her nails dig harshly into her palms, heat swelling beneath her skin– Divine? Had she lost her mind? The Divine was..

The Divine was upon their throne where they belonged. She'd seen them!

"Hm. Well, maybe? Sorry, I didn't think it'd affect you too." Their voice was sickeningly soft as they stepped around her like she wasn't even there, focusing their attention on the Archon who seemed more then delighted about it. "What gave you that impression, most Divine? Aha, I..was completely unaffected, as you can see! Perfectly fine."

Furina let out a small squeak when they pinched her cheek, but the almost affectionate smile that tugged at their lips revealed the lack of malice behind the action.

"You're a bad liar, Furina. You might want to sit down..please?" They didn't take her protests for an answer, gently pushing her to sit on the bed before abruptly turning to face Arlecchino once more, a forced smile on their lips. "Oh, good, you're..uh, not dead. That's good. I thought I fried your brain. Sorry?"

..Had she hit her head on the way here? The Divine should still be on their throne, yet she couldn't shake the weight of their stare– it felt tangible. She felt like she was standing face to face with the stars– galaxies and constellations bearing down upon her.

She grit her teeth and clenched her hands until she felt the sting of her nails against her palms, grounding herself in the pain through the sheer overwhelming nature of their existence.

"You.." She croaks, reaching out with a shaky hand and grabbing them by the collar of their shirt, lifting them up until their feet left the floor– she pays no mind to the startled protests of the Archon. Arlecchino would crush her like a bug before she even got the chance to intervene and they both knew it. "You shouldn't exist– you aren't them, and yet you..you're the imposter, aren't you?" Her grip tightens yet they face her without an ounce of fear, meeting her unyielding glare with a pondering look.

Arlecchino wanted to make them bleed just to see if she could, the urge to sink her teeth into skin welling up in her chest to the point she visibly snarled, her mask of politeness long . "You're the imposter." Her expression falls for a moment before she schools it into one of apathy, setting them back down and holding them there for a moment, finally releasing them after a tense moment. "Or you were supposed to be."

Hers brows furrow– she wants to demand answers, to throttle them for damning them to being nothing more then dolls for the supposed Divine to break at their whim, but none of the words come to her.

"..Why now? The current Divine has been in power for years, yet you descend now?" Her shoulders tensed, lips pursed into a thin line– it's impossible to ignore the truth that lay before her. The Divine is a fraud and this..imposter is the true Divine. How many years had they been in power, now? How many years were they waiting? Why did they wait? Was the suffering of Teyvat not enough? Was the blood that painted the steps of their stolen throne not enough?

She'd personally been on the wrong end of the Divine's wrath– she wonders..had they watched? Had they seen the cruel hand of their imposter and turned their back on Teyvat?

"I.." They hesitated. It made her seethe, her hands clenching into fists at her sides– her vision flickered, flames swelling within it's casing just to be smothered by the presence of the Divine. But once that spark had been lit, she refused to let it go out. "I didn't know."

The answer does not satisfy her. There is an itch beneath her skin that she cannot scratch, a fire that burns in her chest so hot it scorches even herself.

"And what about now? Are you content to cower like prey in the safety of the Palais Mermonia?" She snapped, taking a step forward, her brows furrowed and her glare intense– she can see the slightest bit of worry in their eyes. She revels in it. "Will you let them use your acolytes like pawns? How many more need to be broken on the steps to your throne before you act?"

Again, her vision flares and dims– it refuses to be used against the Divine that created it.

"Have you no answer?"

The room is silent. They do not speak and neither does she.

Even the world itself seems to quiet in the face of her accusations, fury boiling to the surface so hot it incinerated all it touched.

"I will kill them myself."

Their words are quiet, but they are not soft– there is a vindictive, searing anger that explodes out like dying stars within their eyes. The sight of constellations replaced by a void that would not be . The smell of ichor grows stronger– to the point she feels almost lightheaded.

"..I am aware that I have failed in preventing this, but I had no choice in the matter. Still," They muse, their voice like the tolling of bells. A solemn melody that stills the swelling fury burning in her chest, if only for a moment. "I will rectify it– I will tear down their throne of lies and let not even the earth tarnish itself by burying their corpse among it's soil."

They pause for a moment, holding out their hand– scarred and bandaged by the weapons of the devout, yet still they take upon the burden of dirtying their hands to save those who did not save them.

"Do you trust me, Arlecchino?"

Did she?

"Will you help me?"

She exhales heavily, meeting the starry iris' of the Divine with a scowl still tugging at her lips. Arlecchino trusted no one but herself.

"..Yes."

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #imposter au #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #arlecchino #lyney #furina #you do NOT wanna know what i got put thru writing this fic #trying 2 find out where arle was in the few times we DO see her and going down a rabbit hole of fuck fontaine and its layout actually!#I spent like 3 hours looking it up and checking in game it gives me a migraine thinking abt it. ew #anyway trying to write a really smart character is surprisingly difficult when ur as dumb as rocks #also used an actual chess match for this and gave myself an even worse migraine trying 2 make sure i didnt repeat moves or smth #furina doesnt get a spotlight yet just imagine her sitting in the corner trembling like a wet kitten you found on the side of the road #arlecchino goes thru a crisis more at 11 #shes a tired single dad shes isnt getting paid enough for this okay #hands u a fic over half the length of the other THREE PARTS #ehe :]#is arle actually on ur side??? is she gonna double cross u???? who knows!!!!!#shes unpredictable she might stab u for funsies #anyway im gonna go nap in a ditch now this took SO LONGGGGG OH MY G-D #also just think acolytes who arent buddy buddy w reader and even resent them is so tasty #bc how r they supposed 2 know reader was a human vibing 5 minutes before their got eebied 2 teyvat..#reader gotta roll up their sleeves and get 2 WORK sometimes murder IS okay #they gotta fix some shit around here and that means committing several crimes all at once. sometimes more #a group can be g-d (just got here) their dragon (neuvi) their cat (archon) their dog (wrio) and their wolf (arle)

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stardust-vi · 5 days

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Dumb ramble but I hate that you can't critique The Thing you love within a fandom space without some dude breathing down your neck like "Well actually that means you hate The Author and The Thing! And what about all the times The Author did this Good Thing? Checkmate, liberal." as if you can't be critical of something because you love it and want it to be better.

#just. i'm in a rush rn so i'm probably not articulating myself well and i could go more in-depth with my thoughts #at the risk of someone spinning my words into “cringe blue hair pronoun wants to cancel araki!” which... will happen inevitably #even though i don't know how many times i can repeat “i do not hate araki #this is specifcally about jjba btw because like.#look i love it and araki has done some good things (or at least had good intentions in most cases)#but i'm so over the fact he constantly has to reach for some form of traumatizing women in his writing #and I already hear “well it shows they're a villain!”#but does he HAVE to use assault? why does he have to use that instead of demonstrating their villainy in other ways #that don't need to use it as a crutch #i'm not even saying you can't ever write about assault #that's not my argument either.#I'm not even accusing him of being a bad writer or person but just. Can we please retire the overusage of assault for shock value?#i obviously don't hate people who enjoy the series regardless #i'd be a massive fucking hypocrite #i mean i've literally been in this damn fandom for 6 years and just now decided to post my art.#but i'm tired of any time someone brings up legit criticisms of the misogyny in his writing #it's met with “but araki did this-” like it changes anything.#i'm glad he did somewhat improve writing women over time compared to the earlier parts #that said. that doesn't cancel out the blunders he did make or will make in the future #even if he has good intent.#or really any criticism of the writing being hit with “but its not supposed to make sense #anyways rant over. probably going to delete later bc im tired.#tw assault #assault tw

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randomgooberness · 1 year

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Gordon should NOT get a biological hand back(if he does it’s busted to all hell and mostly numb). And any prosthetic he gets sucks ass unless it has a cartoony switchable feature that lets him adapt to certain tasks because even high tech prosthetic hands with the correct reaction speeds will never beat gun arm if your goal is shooting something.

What im saying is he makes a million different hands for himself to the point where he has “fork hand” and “screwdriver hand” and “scissor hand” ect

#hlvrai #gordon feetman #HAPPY 5 AM IM STILL RUNNING ON 3 HOURS OF SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like look. i dont expect the RTVS gang to put thought into their disability rep in a comedy series on gmod. i dont #but also i get so tired seeing people be like. oh his arms back :) AT LEAST LEAVE IT SCARRED AND NUMB……DAMN!#not to mention people constantly sleep on how interesting mobility aids are to flesh out for characters #though that might be from my years of experience writing an amputee.#DISCLAIMER!! I MYSELF AM NOT AN AMPUTEE JUST BTW!!!!!!!!! LISTEN TO ACTUAL AMPUTEES BEFORE ME #though im repeating everything ive ever heard ESP that prsothetics tend to fucking suck #not saying he cant HAVE a robot hand. i draw him with one. i just think itd be funnier and more realistic if he swaps it out #might draw examples when i wake up bc its silly and fun :)#wait adding more tags despite the fact that NO ONE WILL READ THEM. this is esp the case bc hes right handed #he needs his right hand for fine motor skill you will NOT get that with a prosthetic

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lucyvaleheart · 25 days

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#i need to stop doing this. but i just. i.....#.....I'll probably fall asleep minutes after i post this #so if you message me about it and i don't reply that's why #but i just #............fuck I'm trying so hard #it doesn't seem to matter #no matter how much i get done or accomplish it's never enough I'm always ten steps behind where i need to be to even reach net zero #not even the point of making progress. the point where i can so much as rest #I'm so tired. im so tired. nothing i think of works nothing i try is ever the right thing #i know from the outside looking in i may not seem like a burden i may even seem like an uplifting person to be around #but I'm a burden.#i am. I'm not self deprecating. it's a fact. it's just a fact.#as i am now i am a resource sink and i need too much help and i can't really be independent #and yet i don't really have a choice #so at present whoever i live with (currently my husband) gets stuck taking care of me because i just fall short in so many ways #.....i can't do anything right #nothing i do seems to matter. i can't.... i can't do anything #fuck #I'm just repeating myself I'm almost certain but #...............why can't i have a decent idea for once #all this confidence and i just keep fucking up anyway #worked so hard on being confident in myself that i don't match up to my own expectations now #i #.............fuck #everything hurts so badly #I'm so tired #....I'm so tired #....................if anyone happens to live in Minnesota and wants to just. come shoot me dead hit me up #im too much of a coward to do it myself

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youretoosweetforme · 1 month

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i am so terrible at taking care of myself

#just started to climb into bed when i realized i was still in jeans #and legitimately contemplated just sleeping in them #i rarely change into proper pyjamas #i forget to eat #i put off or forget about basic hygiene #when something physically hurts i hit it to make it feel better #i repress my emotions so much they cause me genuine physical pain that can be nearly crippling #i have been overcome with waves of pain due to to repressed emotions before while standing and come so close to falling #i avoid everything #i put off sleeping even when im tired just cause i dont like it #i can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning #i parent my entire family despite repeated advice from actual medical professionals not to #i cant look at sharp blades for more than a second #this has turned into a rant. my bad #antiopa

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dexaroth · 2 years

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i know its unrealistic and nonsense to feel bad bc im not as good as i could be within a hobby bc a hobby is supposed to be fun and occupy your time but i cant for the life of me not feel guilty about not drawing and not improving

like.. i have most of the resources. i often have the time. i have almost a thousand pictures in my reference folder to be used to practice and learn. i have an internet connection to be inspired and learn from those better than me and yet... i just don't feel like drawing. and i mean drawing something grand.. not just the dozens of doodles and oc refsheets i keep churning.. i want to do standalone pieces like i used to and look at them fondly and feel proud of something. but i just dont have the flame to do it for months and months on end

i mean obviously this is much more likely to happen when it has been your primary hobby for over like 7 years contrary to, say, webpage coding which i just started to learn like a year ago. what's keeping me from wanting to draw though? its so frustrating to know you Have the Potential to be a good artist and knowing How you could become more but just.. not feeling like it. and telling urself im gonna draw tomorrow and tomorrow comes and its one of those days you'd rather stare at a wall the whole afternoon and it just keeps going and going and you stay stumped

#yes i have the potential to do so much better than what i can show you right now dude trust me #not only for personal reasons but i also want to start looking into doing commissions for real and like.#thats insane #idk what to draw > set up comms so someone gives me smn to draw > they dont know what i can draw > idk what to draw > repeat #im also like the guy that loves giving gift art but ive had so many cases where i drew for a rando and they just. treated it like a product #sold along the character like cool! so glad i spent my time into a drawing for you to throw it into your garage sale like everything else!#and that looming fucking awful sense of 'originality' like boohoo someone drew this already waaaa i dont believe in originality why do i >#> care so much. Why. its like knowing there isnt a monster under ur bed and still suffocating yourself inside the bedsheets. nonsense...#this is so tiring. not drawing to me feels like neglecting a dear friend #even though i dont feel bad at not practicing at a game. at not knowing how to code everything in 2 days #at not knowing the best clays to sculpt or the best knitting tricks.#bc its a fucking hobby. i should feel obligated to do it i should have fun when i want to and yet i chain myself to it #i shouldn't fell obligated* oop #could you imagine how crazy stupid it'd be that a construction worker felt bad for not building some lately #WHY AM I LIKE THIS!!! I DONT GET IT!!!#dextxt #<its always funny to end a post with a cry and then have it followed by lowercase txt tag like teehee just another white guy moment #but i do mean im tired and frustrated and miserable for nothing.. war and hate on planet earth or whatever. *explodes*

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yakisabajanai · 2 months

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#god i have to get a new job i can almost apply elsewhere bc my bonus hits friday #i cant do the random schedules the constant drama and gossip and unprofessionalism and childish behavior #the empty promises of management that things will change the fact i make either 25¢/hr more than or potentially 8¢ less than ppl whose jobs #i do for them bc they cant do shit bc theyre not given the time to learn or bc they put no effort into learning is exhausting #im getting snappy at ppl when i have to repeat myself over and over every shift its not their fault but i cant do it anymore #or the customers blaming us for literally anything in the world. front store out of items. their insurance expired. somethings backordered.#its endless #i get 2 days off with my one wife a month. 2. and im too tired amd depressed about going in the next day to do anything at all #its not worth it. i cant do it much longer. i look at my calender and it gets harder to breathe and tears well up #certain people start talking and i get furious im tired of having no choice but to listen to their bullshit while i keep working. shut up.#please please shut up leave me alone please #i don't even feel comfortable filling my own scripts there anymore. no one respects anyone elses privacy. hippa who.

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musical-0wl · 10 months

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/ (if you know me in person, read at your own risk)

#im just #oh so tired #over the past few years ive come more into myself #but as part of that. this house im living in is no longer mine #and now one of my most dysphoric activities is on display for the whole house #everytime i sleep at my most comfortable (naked) i am at risk of being exposed to my youngest sibling because my door will randomly get #opened to let the dog in #and im developing new dysphorias (yay) after the only informed consent GP has closed their books due to massive influx #and im still not sure if i want to look into that as an option but its struggljng to get out and i cant let it in this place that is notmine #i live in the room of someone who is not me #and part of that is i have not unpacked since moving house months ago #ready for the next one? im so tired of feeling temporary in peoples lives. and thats on me. but i feel if i just walk away and start again #one or two people might look for me. but also they might just assume i need space. ive had space. 18 years of it.#i sometimes feel like im just around to help others heal. im so lonely and isolated.#if i dont maintain the converstation 24/7 they will never message me first #if i take a break everyone will drift away. no one checks on me rabdomly. no one will show up at my door randomly. or invite me specifically #the last week ive been listening to self love off the spiderverse soundtrack on repeat. i feel like a drifter #a permanent hermit #(also with the transition stuff im caught in a bunch of unknowns. there are some things about my body i love. but more and more that keep #popping up that never were a problem before)#im just so #caught in the middle of everything #hiding parts of me away #i want to learn how to write music but now is never the right time in my life yknow?

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poseida · 1 year

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really wanted to answer those kind asks. i wasnt really on my right mind (clearly xd) and im still. idk. sad? idk if sad is how im feeling but lets go with it. so— sad. but like im still being functional despite of it, and today i've been trying to distract myself (being both the dog and the hand shaking a brand new toy), ignore the physical symptoms (somatizando..), really go fucking blank fucking dead brain just to get through it. so yeah!!!

#ngl it was harder bc of the news of astro moonbin...#which left me feeling frustrated and so shocked i went numb like. it feel is so unbelievable. and im also tired of the same #pattern repeating itself again and again..#it was also triggering but oh well. i want to allow myself to grief even if it might be.. silly. but #those are still my feelings. i will marinate them until i have the strength to process it all. hopefully soon enough #bc im exhausted yall..#it feels* so unbelievable etc #to grieve*#look....its whatever. just like my last post

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pizzapizzadickz · 1 year

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#ya just gotta learn how to cope with the stress #i cant #im tired #im home from work #diary #personal #ive been sorts hitting my limit and then some lately. like. theres just too much going on.#and pll (my dad in particular) keep telling me or variations of that #and idk. it sorta really sucks.#bc like. im so utterly fucking tired and spent and overstimulated and burntout and everything that id love to just like -#idk cry myself to sleep and sleep for the next 24-48h.#honestly i can like *feel* the undercurrent threatening to swell up. i just keep on feeling tears in my eyes.#but once i actually do reach a meltdown point all i can ever say is or or whatever.#i just say it. on repeat. over. and over. and over again in my head.#god. i swear i look like im going fucking crazy everytime i do.#usually - oddly enough - i calm myself down by researching something or doing some odd thing #...when i cant i sorta just curl up and cry myself to sleep.#when i was in elementary school - like when i was 11-13 or so - id cry everynight till i slept.#life is really really hard. no one's really noticed bc i hide it all the best i cam #i keep on bringing up shit to my mom lately about things i felt or have happened and shes always shocked #haaah. my parents are talking and i cant focus on my thoughts. i wish i could put on my headphones #but i still havent finished my routine. so i cant move forward or sleep till i dom #honestly im really distressed and lagging behind bc my routine has been disrupted. and i know tomorrow will be the same #i have to take care of the bunny which means i cant have a break. i honestly just cant do this anymore im so tired.#ugh. i just need to finish. then i can cry or whatver. i cant until i finish.#i just wish they could fucking shut up i hate this.#i really hate life. i...dont really get why people enjoy shit fucking shit.

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afternines · 1 year

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#i mentioned this on twitter circle but i need to repeat myself here just cause i can #i am forever stuck in the befriending someone > getting obsessed with them > getting sick n tired of the obsession > ghosting them n ruining #our friendship cycle #like tell me why im on twitter friend 184726 and ive gone through the exact same process with each n every one of them #currently ghosting my latest friend and it makes me SO MADDSD cause i spent the last few months having brzakdowns in her dms abt how im #terrified shell get tired of me and well stop being friend and ill end uo alone again #and she kept comforting me saying that wont happen!!! shell stick with me forever!!!!! and here i am doing the ol switcheroo ghosting her #I AM AWARE that im so very in the wrong with this because she didnt do anything wrong its just like a switch in my brain clicked and i cant #even look at her username without getting nauseous n it makes me wanna kms bc i wanna dm her so bad but i physically cannot get myself to #do it #which is so stupid like. just fucking click the dm and type some words goddamn #i alr know im gonna lose her over this caus ethats how i lost everyone else too and it sucks so bad bc the problem is MEEEE yet i cant get #myself to fucking fix it #i genuinely dont know what to do #im so desperate to have good relationships with other people but every time i do i just end up sabotaging myself #and im so fucking self aware about it but i cant do anything about its like. staring at a zoo animal from behind the glass except the zoo #animal is also me and its jusr staring back at me with eyes full of anger because im also the person who got me captive behind the glass in #the first place #if that makes sense #n uhhh this is a conversation for another time but im gonna be forever craving and never getting a genuine romantic n intimate relationship #because of how i keep sabotaging shit #sev mentioned this at some point and i was like :(. like i was genuinely upset for them but just now it hit me in the same situation #like i fully understand sev im sorry it took me so long to realise #jesus fuck man. not having a normal brain really sucks

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4byun · 2 years

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( •̛̣̣꒶̯•̛̣̣ )

#the amount of stress i deal with every single day is honestly insane #cannot even sleep for a few mins without having a random panic attack #could barely function in uni today i just felt too overwhelmed #and running on no sleep once again #only for my profs to 1. not even bother looking at my project #and 2. telling me it’s bad and to repeat it for the 29838383th time #at least tell me what’s wrong with it so I know what to fix?? does this sound reasonable to you? its so unfair #if it weren’t for the fact that I want to graduate next year i wouldnt push myself to my limits every time #but i want to leave this house so bad #living with an abusive parent every single day drains me beyond reprieve #im tired of being anxious all the time and feeling unsafe in my own home and being unable to do work and focus on anything #im so so SO tired #then you go to uni and deal with professors who constantly undermine you without doing their JOBS to teach #i want to rest i want to sleep i want my appetite back im losing weight again #i want to cry but i cant evem find it in me to cry #i feel so burnt out #anyway i love tumblr tags i get to say all this without spamming anyone’s tl like twitter

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watersunairmoon · 1 month

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cw: dom!(?)sukuna, choking, smut, degrading, kind of sweet sukuna at the end (cause im delusional) (i could fix him okay)

okay but modern!au Sukuna would totally be into some choking and impact play. Not only on you but on him as well. Dont get it twisted though, he’s still 100% the one in control, but i think he’d like it just cause it gives him that extra little shot of adrenaline to fuck you even harder.

The first time you realize he likes your hands around his throat was a complete accident.

Hes leaned back against the bed in your shared apartment, blankets and sheets scattered everywhere, nearly falling into the floor from all the fucking and rolling around going on between you two for the last 30 minutes. Youre already out of it at this point, eyes rolling into the back of your head while you bounce and grind on his length, the only things grounding you are your hands pressed firmly against his chest to support your body and his fingers leaving a bruising grip on your hips.

“mmm, ‘kuna, y-youre so deep like this” you whimper out, momentarily glancing down only to see the wide smirk plastered on Sukunas face. He always looked so good like this, eyes lidded, filled with desire, and body covered with a light sheen of sweat that seemed to only enhance his well defined body. He looked delicious.

“yeah?,” he replied, cocking his head to the side a bit as he glanced up at you, his large hands on your hips tightening as they helped you slam your hips against his. “y’ takin this cock so well princess,” he almost moaned, feeling you clench around his length from his praise. “but you can do better than that, hmm? Go faster.” Dominance laced in his tone, you were in no position to disobey, but your thighs were already burning from the workout, shaky and weak as you kept your current pace.

“mmm… but ‘k-kuna, im tired…” you whined, looking down at him with a small pout, even slowing down slightly to try to prove your point. As if it wasnt already obvious, Sukuna could clearly feel your thighs tremble with every move you made, but pushing your body to its limit was part of the fun, no? He loved to see how much you could take.

As he removed his hands from your hips, you sighed in relief, thinking he was going to switch positions and give you a break, but this thought was quickly proven incorrect when you felt his grip on your jaw, tugging you down so you were face level with him. A gasp left your lips and your eyes widened, looking dead into his. Not an ounce of amusement behind them as he glared at you.

“Did i ask if you were fucking tired?” his grip on your jaw tightened.

“Ah! N-no i-“

“What did i say? hm?”

“You said g-go fa-“

“Go faster. Thats right. Not bitch and complain. Now get to it. And dont make me repeat myself again.” And with that he pushed you back up, one hand returning to its rightful place on your waist, and the other lounging behind his head, watching you expectantly. “whining like a fucking whore…” he grumbled, loud enough to ensure you could hear. He couldnt help but to grin a bit, feeling your walls tighten and pulse around him, yet the pout on your face remained as evident as ever, lower lip poked out and eyes glossy. “Oh, dont look at me like that baby,” he cooed, looking up at you with an almost taunting expression. “I can feel your tight little cunt squeeze me every time i get mean…” His hand on your waist slowly made its way to your lower stomach, placing his palm flat against it and reaching his thumb down to rub little circles on your clit, causing a light moan to escape your throat. “Thats how i know you really are a little slut. Now be a good one and do as your told, yeah?”

God, he had such a filthy mouth, but youd be lying if you said you didnt love every second of it. Every word and groan that ever left his mouth during moments like these always went straight to your core, upping the wetness that was already dripping down his balls and making a mess on the sheets below you. So of course, you do what youre told, starting with a roll and grind of your hips, relishing in the way his dick massages the deepest parts inside of you before you start bouncing once again. Skin hitting skin with little pap! sounds every time your ass meets his thighs. And just as he demanded, you go faster than before, rapidly losing yourself in the feeling of him rearranging your organs.

“sh-shit, ‘s so good” you slurred, nails slightly digging into his chest from how fucking good he felt. Even with the aching of your thighs, you couldnt deny that riding him like this felt amazing. You tossed your head back, more little mewls and gasps left your mouth, so focused on his length that you didnt even notice how sweaty your hands were getting. With every ricochet of your hips, they slipped a little farther up his chest, making their way past his sharp collar bones, until they were quite literally around his throat, using his neck as support for your body weight.

You could feel Sukuna starting to lift his hips to meet yours half way, deepening the thrusts and making them feel more intense than before, making your eyes roll back and your moans grow louder. You almost didnt even notice the moan Sukuna let out, and honestly you probably wouldnt have if it was a normal occurrence. Sukuna usually did make small noises during sex, mainly just grunts and small groans, but this was a moan, like you had never heard from him before. A fucked out grin made its way to your face, proud of yourself for pulling such a sound from him, but when you finally dropped your chin to meet his eyes, you would have sworn you could have came right then.

Hands wrapped tightly around his neck, face a bit red from the lack of oxygen, pupils blown out, and his lips parted in a small ‘o’, you were shocked to see that he seemed to be… enjoying? getting choked? You really had to do a double take over his features to make sure what you saw wasnt just some sex-induced illusion that you were having. Sukuna had never mentioned being against being choked, but with his dominant personality you would have never thought hed enjoy it this much.

“S-Sukuna-“

“Harder.”

This caught you off guard even more, eyes widening and slowing your hips down to take in what he just requested of you. “Wha-“

“If youre gonna choke me, then fucking do it right” he growled, narrowing his eyes at you. He must have been a little embarrassed at this new kink the two of you had discovered, seeing as the more you looked at him with this ‘holy shit no way’ look you had plastered on your face, the more he seethed. He took this moment to bend his knees, placing his feet flat on the bed and thrusting up harshly into you, making you cry out and fall forward a bit. Sukuna grabbed your thoat, pulling you down to the same spot he had you in earlier, this time squeezing your neck brutally between both of his large hands, and continuing to use your current position to piston his hips into you at an inhuman rate, making your jaw drop and your brows furrow with pleasure as you looked at him.

“You too fuckin stupid to know how to do that? huh? Gotta be reminded what it feels like to get choked the fuck out?” He held you right in front of his face while he roughly fucked into you, broken moans and fragments of his name falling from your lips from his aggressive hips and how tight his grip on your neck was. “Yeah baby, use that dumb little brain of yours. You remember now? Huh? Fucking do it.” He spat at you, pulling you to meet his lips for a sloppy kiss.

You quickly tightened your grip, both of you know moaning into each others mouths, choking each other while he jackhammered into your cunt. He broke the kiss to tip his head back, closing his eyes and getting lost in this feeling of the lack of oxygen flowing to his brain and how wet you were getting from all of this, his own precum adding to the sticky mess of bodily fluids between you two. He was just as surprised as you were that he was into this, and when your hands had first slid around his neck, he almost made you move them. But even he couldnt deny that it felt good, and not to mention you looked so hot on top of him, he really didnt have the heart or will to interrupt- and now he was extremely glad he didnt.

High pitched squeals and squeaks forced their way through your throat from the abuse he was showing your core, absolutely no mercy as he fucked his way past your cervix, causing your legs to shake violently and that familiar feeling in your lower belly to grow with every passing second. Sukuna could easily tell from your heat tightening around him so much it was slowing his thrusts down, and from how much harder you were squeezing his neck without even realizing. But the asphyxiation was just riling him on even more, biting his lip between his teeth as he watched you start to crumble.

“‘Kuna! A-ah! ohmygod-d!” Your body began to twitch, hips now moving against his to bring you closer to your high even faster, chasing after it. Neither of you loosening your grips on the other, making the whole thing feel like some drug induced high, too caught up in your own pleasures to even think about lightening up your holds.

“F-fuck! Suckin’ me in baby…” Sukuna choked out, also getting dangerously close to his orgasm. “Cum all over this dick, y-yeah, c’mon princess…” He switched the pace of his hips, once moving quickly in and out in and out, were now punching deep, hard, slow thrusts. “C-cum for me”

About 6 deep thrusts in, you finally let go, cumming all over his shaft with the most pathetic cry of his name, a tear or two even rolling down your cheek from how good it felt and how hard he had been holding your throat. As you came, your small hands around his windpipe twitched, releasing their tight grip and allowing all the oxygen to flow to his brain at once. Between this, and feeling your velvety walls contract around him, he couldnt hold it anymore, pumping you full of his seed, moaning, and holding you tightly in place as he fucked his cum deep into your cervix, his clutch on your esophagus not letting up, causing your orgasm to drag out as well.

When he finally finished, he let go, allowing your body to fall against him as you both heaved to catch your breath, chests moving against each other as you gasped oxygen. Your body still lightly shaking as you clung to him, burying your face in the crook of his neck. Sukuna snakes his arms around your waist, holding you close to him as you both came down, rubbing your back lovingly as you did. He may be rough in bed, but that doesnt change the fact that youre his love, and he wants to make sure you still know that after all the degrading and aggressiveness. You couldnt help but to giggle a bit as you reflected on what just happened.

“So…”

“Dont. Dont start. Just lay here and be quiet. Dont ruin it.”

“I never would have thought youd like bein-“

“Yeah your done. Hope you enjoyed it cause its never happening again.”

…

it definitely happened again.

// damn my asphyxiation kink really popped out in this one. sorry guys. if this does well i might do a second part with the impact play stuff… we will see. hope you enjoyed though! likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated <3 and if you guys have any requests id love to hear them! i cant promise ill get to everything cause i kinda just do this for fun but i would like to write more! so send em my way babies. have a good day!

#sukuna smut #sukuna #ryomen sukuna #sukuna ryomen smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk x reader #jjk smut #sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #sukuna x y/n #sukuna scenarios #jjk #jujustsu kaisen x reader #sukuna simp #jujutsu kaisen #jujustu kaisen fanfic

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rae-dabae · 4 months

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VOID JOURNEY❤︎︎

( long post ahead‼️‼️)

Y’all……. A HOE DID IT!! I ENTERED THE VOID!!!! but i didn’t manifest anything :(((. So basically i don’t really even remember much from last night all i remember is falling asleep and seeing complete blackness. Now i’ve been to the void tons of times without know i’ve been there. @b4ddprincess realization void post OPENED MY FUCKING EYES and got me to realize what the void ACTUALLY was. That darkness you’re surrounded by when you fall asleep and you can’t move or speak or do anything else but literally exist. When i was like 10 i woke up in the void without and it was completely dark but i wasn’t scared n shit it was really REALLY fucking peaceful and i just kinda stayed there. I always thought that darkness was apart of the dream i was supposed to have but once i realized THAT was the void……..🤦🏾‍♀️. Now i went through a wee lil phase of looking for methods n trying them out n them not resonating with me at all. I was stressing myself out BUT I KNEW that the void was easy because I’ve literally been there tons of times. Doubts were eating me alive and really fucking with my confidence and making doubt if I’ve even actually entered the void(we literally enter the void every time we sleep so basically we always are in the void). After like 3-4 weeks of me repeating the same cycle of believing i can enter, not entering and repeating the same old story over n over again. I had enough and started to slowly pull away from obsessing over the void and I focused onward what i wanted. The entire point of me even entering was so that i could manifest ALL my desires at once. I decided to find something that I personally liked and believed i could succeed with. I like sleep methods the best because they’re the most relaxing for me. I like Sats/ Lullaby method but i every time i would try it i would think “ oh it didn’t work because i didn’t affirm long enough lemme try again” so i was secretly fucking myself up because i had made up this assumption if i didn’t affirm long enough I wouldn’t get in. There was one “method” that i likes the best and it was commanding/ ordering your subconscious to take you to the void. I decided to test it out to see if you can really manifest anything just by commanding your subconscious and GIRLLL….. it works. One sunday afternoon i was heavily dreading going to school and just was NOT feeling it, so i decided to test my subconscious and see if it could cancel school for me or just get me not to go without begging my parents or faking sick. I went “ Hey subconscious, im not feeling school tomorrow, cancel it for me” and after that i forgot about it. Later that night my school posts on instagram that someone threatened to BOMB OUR SCHOOL and tons of kids were protesting they cancel (being the piece of shit trashy stank ass school they are they didn’t cancel). All my friends were protesting not going cuz im not tryna get Bombed frl. I called my mom about it and she told me I didn’t have to go to school if i didn’t want to. Then I remembered what i told my subconscious and i went “ DAMNN subconscious i know i said i didn’t wanna go but BOMB THREATS??”( i don’t think I manifested the bomb threats because as much as i dread that place i would never even try doing that) that was the test that proved to me that subconscious really will do anything you tell it….insane. BACK TO LAST NIGHT ( i got distracted Srry) i commanded my subconscious before going to sleep to wake me up in the void but because of my loud ass african mother i couldn’t sleep so i waited until i felt tired and fell asleep. When i woke up i was still in my bedroom and i had thought i didn’t get in but then i tried remember if i dreamed last night and i didn’t remember having one. Actually i remember just being in complete darkness for a while then the rest is blurry. Then it hit me. I ENTEREDD. I know i had entered because it was the same feeling i got when i was 10 and entered. Anyways now i know how to enter and what works for me so STAY TUNED FOR A SUCCESS STORRYYY!!!( ill get into full detail and give some advice)

💕💕Bye my lovess!! 💕💕

#law of assumption #void #void state #void success #manifesation #neville goddard

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rafedaddy01 · 5 months

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Hate sex with like enemy Rafe and him saying “I’ll make it fit” 😩😩😩😩

“Look who it is!” My mother beams at my father as I snap my head in the direction she indicates.

Ugh. Him.

Rafe Cameron. Kook King. My sworn enemy. And also my childhood crush.

I roll my eyes as Rose and Ward walk up to greet my parents with Rafe hot on their trail.

Shit. He looks fine.

He’s wearing a black button up with the top button exposed. His shirt is tucked into his black dress pants and his hands hang in his pockets like he could care less about being here.

He probably does, he hated being seen in public with his family, im surprised he’s here.

“Y/n” he greets coldly as I stare at his outstretched hand.

I look him dead in the eyes before reaching out and shaking it.

“Sit down, sit down!” My mother says to rose.

“Oh no. We have reservations! Ward is meeting with some business partners to discuss Rafe taking over the business.”

So that’s why he’s here.

He stands silently still, his eyes raking down my body and up to my eyes where he smirks once he’s noticed he’s been caught.

“Who knew trolls could clean up so well” he laughs at his own pathetic comment.

“Funny.” I say bluntly as our parents continue small talk for a few minutes.

“Here I thought I caught your attention. With the way your eyes were roaming my body I’d say you want me Cameron” I say as I lean my elbows on the table, giving him a show of my cleavage which he gladly takes.

“Ha! Not a chance sweetheart. Not even if hell froze over” he leans closer before bopping my nose.

I scrunch it as I prop myself up and turn my head away, refusing to stare at his smug face.

“Well, that’s our cue” ward announces as some important looking men walk through the front entrance.

“We should catch up soon!” My mother shouts as they walk away, rose turns around to give a brief thumbs up.

We continue our family dinner and after a few moments I get tired of my parents flirting. “Excuse me, restroom” I mutter, which they barely hear, and head head towards the hallway where the bathrooms are.

As I round the corner I bump into a broad chest.

“Oh! Excu-“

“Watch-“

I look up and am met with beautiful blue eyes, the same eyes that I’m dreamed about since grade school. The same eyes that look at me with disgust when they realize who I am.

“Move out of the way Cameron” I gruff and I try to push past him.

“Bitch” he mumbles.

“What did you say?” I snap my head back so fast I think I get whip lash.

“I said your a bitch” he repeats, trying to hold back his smirk.

“You know..” I start, walking towards him and catch him off guard, he steps back and his back hits the ladies room door.

“I don’t get what your issue with me is! Ever since we were little you always have to pick on me. Why? Huh? Is it cause I’m smaller than you? Or is it cause your so jeal-“ I can’t even finish my sentence before I’m pulled into the bathroom.

“What the hell-“

My back is now against the door and Rafes face is inches away from mine.

“Do you ever shut up” his breath is hot and smells of whiskey and cigars, oddly comforting.

“What?” I ask.

“You never shut up, always yapping about something. Maybe I need to teach you how to be quiet”

I’m perplexed as my breath catches in my throat and I gulp, pushing my thighs together.

Rafe cocks an eyebrow at me and looks down, “you like that? The idea of me shutting you up?” He runs his nose down the column of my neck and I let out a shaky breath.

“I think you do” he whispers in my ear before nibbling my neck.

“Fuck, y/n” he groans in my ear and it’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard.

In this moment I don’t even care to remember how much I hate him.

“I’ve wanted to fuck you since you gave me attitude in gym class back in 9th grade” he confesses as he sucks a sweet spot on my neck.

I swallow hard and my eyes screw shut as my hands grasp the back of his neck, “take what you want” I whisper.

He stops and looks at me before reaching over and locking the door.

We lock eyes and Rafe smiles as he leans forward and captures my lips with his. I moan against them and he picks me up and leads me towards the sink.

He pulls away and turns me around so my ass rubs against his straining zipper.

He runs a hand down my back and I jerk up at his touch, “shit your fucking sexy” he whispers as his hands travels down and under my dress.

He locks his eyes with mine in the mirror and his hand meets the wet patch on my panties, which he quickly tugs down and spreads my legs open.

“Watch me fuck you” he says as he unzips his pants and they fall to the ground with his boxers.

My eyes widen in fear as I peer over my shoulders.

“Rafe! Will- will it fit?” I bite my lip anxiously as he grins and slaps my ass, causing me to yelp.

“I’ll make it fit” he shoots my a wink and sinks into my soaking heat.

My mouth shoots open as he slowly pulls out and pushes back in.

He picks up the pace and I can no longer hold my head up, it falls down and Rafes quick to grip my hair causing me to hiss as he pulls it back.

“I said watch”

I grip the counter as his thrusts pick up and he groans.

“Fucking perfect” he mutters “wanted this for so long baby” he hits a particular spot deep inside me and I squeeze his cock.

“Rafe!” His hand comes around and presses against my mouth.

“Shh. I’m teaching you to be quiet”

He stares at me through the mirror as his thrusts become relentless and my eyes roll to the back of my head.

I’m squeezing him so hard and he moans in my ear which sends me over the edge.

“Fuck fuck fuck” Rafe hisses out as he delivers a few sloppy thrusts and cums inside me.

He leans over my sweaty body and catches his breath before pulling out and getting himself together.

I turn around and he smiles at me.

He looks like he didn’t just fuck me into oblivion. Me on the other hand? I have red cheeks, messy hair, and hickies on my neck.

“I want you to walk back out there with my cum dripping down your thighs, let everyone see the marks left on your body and know that your taken”

He leans down and presses a soft kiss to my lips before smacking my ass.

“I hate you” I scowl. Which causes him to laugh.

“But your pussy doesn’t”

He winks and walks out of the bathroom, leaving me a heated mess as I try to find my underwear.

I give up and try to make myself look as presentable as possible and head back to our table.

My parents barely noticed I was gone.

When I sit down my phone dings. It’s a message from Rafe.

*see attachment

“Looking for these?”

It’s a picture of Rafe holding onto my panties and winking.

I blush as I shift uncomfortably and watch him stride out of the bathroom hallway before shooting me a wink.

Fuck me. What have I gotten myself into.

@f4ll-for-you @v21sstuff @rafeysworldim19 @baby19sthings @eventualoptimism @drewstarkeysbae @sevenwivesofrafecameron @rxfecameronsslut @findapenny @r1vrsefx @spencerreidsrealgf

#outer banks #rafe cameron #drew starkey #smut #dark rafe cameron #drewstarkey smut #outerbanks #drewstarkey #rafecameron #fanfic #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron blurb

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