#made with great love and even greater Mental Unwellness

[cloudburst-ink]

Epic Sax Jeff

Epic Jeff Edition (10 hour version)

Now made with 99% J E F F !!!

#jeff satur #epic sax jeff #on the drastically unlikely but nonzero chance #that this is my last ever post on tumblr dot com #please take this offering as my final my curse upon ye all #made with great love and even greater Mental Unwellness #i would like to apologize to the gods and also to jeff specifically #SEE YOU ALL ON THE OTHER SIDE MY FRIENDS #I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW

[my-brothers-corrupted]

Chapter Four - Part 6

Anti finds out about the missing medication.

Tws for severe abuse/torture, bruising, blood, imprisonment, and hypnosis.

Part 6 - Grantaire

“Ro?” says Blue carefully, stepping slow so as not to disturb a potentially out-of-his-mind older brother. “You want to tell me what the hell you’re doing?”

Red laughs. “You sound like you’re wondering if I’ve lost it.”

“I might be.”

“Well, I might have,” replies Red cryptically, and then turns to grin at him. He puts the shovel into the ground beside him and smacks his gloved hands together to rid them of dirt, standing over the hole he’s made in the front lawn.

One of at least five you can see.

“Diggin’ traps!” says Red. “So if anybody tries to come to the house, they’ll break their dumb-ass ankles.”

Blue breathes out an amused snort, shaking his head at him. “Better than doing nothing, I guess.”

“You doing okay? Come sit with me and I’ll dig if you want.”

Blue wants to tell him he’s okay, but it’s not been true for a few days. “Yeah, I’ll sit with you. Need some sun.”

“You do,” agrees Ro, frowning over at his moon-pale twin with his foggy, tired eyes. “Yeah.”

pine-storm-season asked: Hello Red, and hello Blue! Has today been uneventful so far?

“Yeah, pretty quiet, which I am more than grateful for,” says Ro, brushing sweat off his forehead. There’s exercise equipment in the basement and the motivation to be strong and fit again is one of the small things that keeps him going. “I think Dapper’s the only one who’s not going a little nuts with the confinement, though. None of us have, like, things to do, really. Usually we help Dok with a clinic or Anti sends us out to do shit. But now we’re just stuck. I gotta get out of this houseeeeee.”

He draws the word out, stabbing into the earth with greater ferocity, but he keeps a warm smile on his mouth, because in all honesty things could be a lot worse. Blue looks at him, thinking. He doesn’t really know where his brother’s at in his head these days, really - he just knows that Red tries to pretend he’s not as sad as he is, and that his priority is always their safety, and that he hasn’t laid a cruel hand on anyone since the day Anti stole him away again.

“If you have any other ideas for how to keep people out, please let me know,” says Red. “I’ll do it. At this point I’m up for anything. I think Dapper’s sharpening spikes on the porch, but in all honesty, I didn’t even think to question the little nightmare.”

Anonymous asked: Where's trick now? Is he still with Anti?

You find Dok at the bottom of the stairs.

He doesn’t even look up at you, just nods.

—

“There are reasons I do the things I do, you know,” says Anti.

You only have to look once to see that he has Trick in a deep thrall. Trick is practically in his lap, letting Anti sew up a hole in his shirt, his arms around his brother’s neck.

“You slapped Dapper,” says Trick, unhappy despite the glaze over his eyes and the faint sway of his head. “Please don’t hit him. I think maybe you’re also… I need you to not do that.”

“Tricks, if there isn’t a little force, everybody falls out of line. There’s a lot of control issues in this family, a lot of personalities that clash and problems in their heads. If I didn’t use a little force here and there, everyone would fall apart, pet. Dapper would have to go to a mental hospital and Red would run off with that guy he barely remembers and Dok - well, you’ve saved him from himself enough times to know what Dok does if no one’s there to save him from himself.”

Trick shivers, shaking his head. “I don’t want Dok to get hurt.”

“Okay, so don’t be so scared when I have to shove everybody around a little or when you have to shove somebody around a little, for that matter. Weren’t you obedient for Red when he used a little force?”

“Yeah, always.”

“You’re Red now. So don’t be so chickenshit. You have to protect the others from themselves. You’re right. If Dok would just take off those necklaces, wouldn’t everything be so much easier?”

“So much easier.”

“Don’t let him get all weepy with you just cause you had to put him in his place. He’ll get used to it. Without it, he would run off or hurt himself. All of them would. And then you’d be alone, Trickshot. You’d be all alone in the world again. No one would care about you. Is that what you want?”

“No,” insists Trick, shaking his head harder. “No, no.”

“Okay, then,” purrs Anti, stroking his hair, his pretty green hair, curling at the front. “Then everything’s good, my darling, isn’t it?”

Trick smiles at him, touching his cheek. Anti closes his eyes at the feeling of his little brother’s fingers in his beard, tangled up with him.

“Everything’s good,” agrees Trick. “Everything’s perfect, Anti.”

Anonymous asked: Geez Anti, you really got him in the palm of your hand uh? That much hypnosis can't be good for trick in the long term

“Hmmm,” grumbles Anti, dissatisfied. He hates thinking about that. Right now, he just wants to know that one of them is his without a doubt, without hesitation. And he will keep this one close to his chest - no matter what it takes. “He’s okay.”

“I feel good,” chirrups Trick. “I feel okay.”

“Yeah, sweet boy. You’re okay.”

Anonymous asked: Hey, Dok. You doing alright, bud?

“Everything’s great,” he says.

And it’s probably meant to be sarcastic, but really he just looks tired. Dapper ducks his head into the entryway, finding his brother sitting alone on the stairs, as he has all morning, without moving.

Anonymous asked: Oh dok... I'm so sorry. It seems like Anti keep burrowing his hold deeper into trick. You're probably going to be alone for a bit

Dok buries his face in his hands.

Very tired. Very tired of this fight. Very ready to be gone. Maybe for good. Very ready for something to change. But it never does. It never does. It never -

A hand descends on his shoulder, enveloping it. He looks up, eyes wide.

“You’re not alone,” signs Dapper, sitting down beside him. “You are never alone.”

Anonymous asked: Is blue alright? ":(

“This is my fault. I should have been watching you. I should have known the sun would be too much for you. It’s like thirty degrees out here.”

Red helps Blue towards the house, clutching him to his chest. Blue wants to tell him his constant self-blame is hardly ever deserved, but he’s feeling - hell, he doesn’t know if unwell even begins to cover it anymore. He’s faint and nauseous and that feeling is back - like there’s something beneath his skin. Like there’s something inside the folds of his brain. Like he’s a stiff white puppet on taut, tight strings, choking.

He’s tough. He is. He always has been. He always tries to be.

Right now, he just wants his big brother to make everything stop hurting.

“Red,” he cries, slumping down against his bed. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

Red paces around the room, stressed, wetting a washcloth in the bathroom next to the sink.

“I want to stop feeling bad, Red, please touch me, please put your hands on me, this isn’t my skin…”

Red recognizes the mantra with a sharp fear. He had hoped that night where Blue was clinging to him and begging for his hands on him would be the only one of its kind.

The realization that the damage Anti is causing could be lasting terrifies him.

“I’m here,” he says, putting a washcloth on his head and his hands on his sides, stroking him through his shirt. “I’m here and so are you. Blue. Azul. My twin. My brother. You’re the only one here with me.”

Anonymous asked: So when is trick going to be allowed back downstairs? Are you going to keep him with you for much longer, Anti?

“I just want to hang out a little,” says Anti, setting Trick down beside him as he finishes the hole in his shirt. “Play a game with me, Trick. Or play a game and I’ll watch. I like to hear you talking. Sometimes it’s quiet with just Dap and I up here. I like to hear you talking.”

Anonymous asked: hey, blue, love. it's just you. it's just you, buddy. how about you curl up with red and we can talk to you, and try to distract you. would you like that, blue?

“Fuck, I can’t think straight,” whispers Blue.

“But that’s not new,” whispers back Red.

There’s a moment of confusion from Blue - and then the most begrudging smile Red’s ever seen.

“Fuck you,” laughs Blue, touching his hair. “Goddamn. When I throw up all over you, it’s because of that.”

Red snuggles down next to him in bed. “That’s fair.”

“You can talk with us as long as you like,” says Blue.

His voice is weak and tired. Pressed against his ribs, Roser can feel just how thready his heartbeat is.

It’s a new kind of fear for him. In the past, the best way to survive has always been to outlast Anti’s temper tantrums, protecting his siblings as best he can as they happen and taking care of any injuries, trusting that Anti and Dapper would not let one of them die, no matter how cruel their master can be.

But ever since that night Blue wouldn’t let him let go of him, Red has begun to wonder -

Maybe this is a storm we cannot sail through.

Maybe we should go.

He loves Anti.

But not enough to let him do this to his heart.

Anonymous asked: hey, blue! birds or reptiles? (in other words, the cat-or-dog question but with animals you probably hadn't thought about before.) and what about you, red?

“Ah.” Blue laughs weakly. “Um, birds, yeah. For sure.”

“I want a snake,” says Red.

“Fuck’s sake.”

“I do.”

“You’d have to feed it little baby mice.”

“That’s nature! I am ready and willing! Or maybe a skink.”

Anonymous asked: hell yeah, bird gang! snakes are pretty cool though, too. my family has a bunch of really silly chickens, sometimes they'll do stuff like sleep outside in the rain,,, while literally sitting on the door to the henhouse,,,,, or steal all the plums from the plum trees we have. they're good birds though, although they are dumbasses sometimes. does noodle do dumb cat things like that, too?

“I don’t know, I think he does,” says Blue, shaking his head a little. “Um. He falls off the bed sometimes.”

“Let’s let Blue have a lie-down for a while,” sighs Red, sitting up beside him. “You’re looking so pale.”

“Really don’t feel well,” he murmurs. “Really don’t.”

Red looks down at him, his hand across his white face, his eyes closed.

“Okay,” he says, beneath his breath. “We’ll go to the hospital tomorrow, then. And if Dark catches me… then Dark catches me.”

Anonymous asked: Yeah, we're here, Dok. We're with you, bud. We're supporting you however we can.

“Thank you,” sighs Dok. “You, at least, never seem to fall for his tricks. I’m grateful.”

Red steps into the hallway, a slightly dazed look in his eyes.

“Red?” asks Dapper, cocking his head at him. “Everything okay?”

Red blinks and then nods. Dapper doesn’t need to know. It’s safer if he doesn’t. “Yes, buddy, no worries.”

He’ll pack. He needs til tomorrow to try and steal the IDs out of Anti’s room - assuming he’s made new ones since the fire. He’ll get snacks and ready a lie.

He’ll get his twin help. No more waiting around. He is big brother, and he makes his own decisions.

Anonymous asked: do you want to try to sleep a bit, blue? that might help.

Blue does end up sleeping. He sleeps deep and hard, and Red is grateful. He hopes Blue is getting used to being himself at night again. He is still sleeping while Red gets his backpack and begins to shove things inside.

He puts brownies and apples and granola into their own little ziploc bags, and damn, isn’t that a privilege in its own right after all this time? He never thought he’d feel rich holding ziploc bags. A couple changes of clothes for both of them follow their snacks in, as well as what little money he has - Colombian pesos, already near worthless in their own country, now worth even less wherever he is now. He gets a camera and a charger and tucks it away just in case. Their toothbrushes. A comb. Deodorant. A blanket. Bag’s full.

“What else, what else?” he mumbles. “Can you think of anything? I’ll need to get the IDs out of Anti’s room if he’s made more. Most of the time, I’d try to go without them, but my fear is - ”

He gives a deep, mournful sigh, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

“My fear is we might be in America.”

“Dun dun dun,” mumbles a sleepy Blue from his bed, and Red barks out a laugh.

“Go back to bed, dumbass. I got this handled.”

“I just let you do your own thing.” Blue turns back over and goes back to sleep.

Anonymous asked: what's your plan here, red? that might help with figuring out anything you've missed.

“I just - I’ll just get him to the hospital. I know where the road is, I think I remember. I can carry him if he’s tired. I’ll carry him the whole way if I have to, but I’m hoping we can hitchhike. We’ll get to a hospital. Sneak him out if I gotta cause we don’t have insurance. And if Anti comes to get us, at least he’ll have gotten a little help by the time he - ”

There’s a crash from upstairs and a short scream.

Red stiffens and stills, listening.

Anonymous asked: bringing him into the forest? do you think that is a safer option than waiting another few days?

Red sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “I… I don’t know. Maybe I’m being hasty. I - ”

Trick rushes past the door. Red looks up, startled. “Bud? What’s going on?”

“Where’s Dok?”

“Downstairs, I think. Hey, wait! What’s happening?”

“Dude,” says Trick, shaking his head. “Man, I’d hide.”

He tears down the basement stairs.

Red looks up.

Anti’s staring down from the banister upstairs, holding a half-empty bottle of small, white, anti-psychotics.

Anonymous asked: what is it, anti?

“Oh, nothing much, nothing much, nothing much,” says Anti, voice completely unglitching. “Not that much at all.”

Red backs up and returns to his room, standing in front of Blue as he sleeps. Anti stalks down the stairs step at a time, step at a time, step at a time. He puts his lips together and whistles a pretty old song you’ve heard Dap whistling a time or two - daisy, daisy, give me your answer, do…

“Where’s my little boy at?” he says, but the whistling keeps going even as his mouth moves, echoing around the walls of the house. “Where’s my dapper darling? That was silly of you, Monochroma. That was silly. Thinking you could steal from big brother.”

Anonymous asked: dapper did nothing, anti. he did not steal from you.

“Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm,” nods Anti. “Definitely. Definitely. There you are, sugar.”

Dapper looks up from the piece of sourdough bread he’s eating, covered in golden butter. He’s sitting on the kitchen counter in Dok’s shorts and one of Blue’s t-shirts, his hair curling up from his eyes, his black eyelashes shining in the morning light. He sees the look on Anti’s face and sets his bread carefully down beside him, sitting up straight on the kitchen counter.

Anti steps forward and pulls him down by the collar until they’re nose to nose. He grins coldly at his pet, stroking the soft curls on the back of Dapper’s neck.

He leans in and puts his mouth against Dapper’s ear.

“I’m going to ask you this once,” he whispers, voice jovial and easy-going. “And you’re going to tell me. Or you won’t like the consequences very much at all. Where’s your Haldol, little mister? Huh?”

Dapper does not swallow or shake. He stares dead ahead, silent, unmoving. Trying to find a way to answer.

Anonymous asked: ??? Anti are you not HOLDING his haldol right now? What are you talking about?

“Don’t play dumb,” growls Anti, the faux pleasantry wearing off a little. “I know there was more. I have footage.”

Your screens all flash and you can see him the morning before Red stole it, sitting in his bedroom, sulking and rolling the Haldol around in his hands. “There was more of it. You disobeyed me directly. That wasn’t very clever.”

Dapper stares at him, pursing his mouth.

pine-storm-season asked: Is it not with you, anti? If it's not, i don't think Dapper knows where it is.

“No,” signs Dapper, shaking his head. “Okay, I give up. I’m sorry. I stole it.”

“So where is it?”

Dapper is stuck again, letting out a low, trembling breath.

“Unless someone else stole it for you?”

pine-storm-season asked: Red, where's Dapper's medicine? Anti's questioning him.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” whispers Red, pacing for a second before he darts out into the hall and stands in front of the kitchen, trying to get a look. Anti turns and looks right at him. He’s pressing Dapper into the back of the wall behind the counter, his hands gripping too tight at their little brother’s knees. Red feels a wave of revulsion for him and can’t even put a finger on why.

pine-storm-season asked: Anti, can you let Dapper go? I'm sure he gets the point.

“He’ll get the fucking point if he doesn’t start talking,” snarls Anti, slamming Dapper back against the wall.

There is a weak clattering as eleven more Haldol pills fall onto the table. Dapper and Anti turn to look at Red, holding out his hand.

“It was me,” he says. “Dapper didn’t have anything to do with it. Punish me, Anti, not him. He didn’t even know. He didn’t know where I hid them or that I was going to steal them. Leave him alone.”

Anti steps back from Dapper, letting him go. He stands in the middle of the kitchen, staring down at the little white pills. He pauses and turns to the sink, spitting out blood. It tastes like betrayal in his mouth. Like weakness in his mouth. He straightens up again, eyes gleaming, and Red feels a chill up his body.

“First I’m going to torture you,” he says, pointing at Red. “And then I’m going to string your little brother up to show you what happens when you work against me.”

“No! Anti, he wasn’t a part of - ”

Anti slams into Red and grabs him by the head, tearing out strands of his hair.

pine-storm-season asked: Dapper was not involved, Anti. Dapper didn't even know it was happening until it already had.

“He should have goddamn told me,” yells Anti. “He would have known the second that Red gave it to him what had happened! He thinks he can pretend he’s always so fucking innocent! He’s sneaky, I know that, you think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know, you little brat? You get it from me!”

Dapper is on Anti’s shoulder, trying to yank him off his older brother. Anti slams his elbow into his face and throws him back, dragging Red towards the stairs.

“Ro!” croaks Blue from his bedroom door. “Anti, don’t!”

“You want to be involved, you little witch? I’ll use you for goddamn kindling. Come here, Blue, I need a body.”

Blue’s eyes widen in alarm and he rushes towards the basement.

“You can’t get away from me! You all belong to me! You’ll do what I fucking say! Little traitors, little rats! You think you can outsmart me, think you can beat me down to the earth again? I’ll strip you into leather! Think Jack made you all stronger than me? Clever? More sly? I’ll rip you apart!”

bupine asked: trick? where are you? anti's upset, your brothers are in trouble. i suspect you can calm him down.

Trick is in the guest bedroom, him and Dok playing with pieces of string for Noodle to chase. He knows his brother hasn’t heard the commotion upstairs, because he looks happy and calm, laughing when Noodle leaps after his piece of string. Trick gets up and goes to the door. He hears the dull thud of someone striking the floor and steps back, looking at Dok.

“Haha, he gets so frustrated, look at his face!”

Dok is smiling, wide and calm. He hugged him when he came back downstairs and won’t stop holding his hand. He’s here. He’s okay.

His twin is okay. Sometimes the others need a little force.

“Haha,” repeats Trick flimsily. “Ah, yeah. Yeah. He’s cute.”

He shuts the door behind him and goes back to sitting with Dok.

cest-mellow asked: trick you NEED to go upstairs. anti is going to possess blue again and he’s gonna torture red. is that the force you think they deserve? all for getting dapper his medicine he NEEDS? should they be punished for taking care of one another? is this the force you agree with??

“There’s nothing I can do,” whispers Trick, pushing you away.

Anonymous asked: Trick, the scar on your hand, the sting in your cheek, he slapped Dapper right in front of you. He's not "using a little force". He's hurting them because he's angry and violent and he wants to see them in pain and no other reason! He's done the same to you and your twin for years.

Trick rubs anxiously at the burn on his hand, using his other hand to rub at Dok’s shoulder. They’re so used to casually touching each other it doesn’t even make his twin look up.

Yes. Anti has hurt him and his twin for years. But not today. Today, he is the favorite, and he can keep his zwilling safe.

Anonymous asked: Trick I need you to understand that whatever anti told you, this isn't "force" or"punishment" he explicitly used the word "TORTURE"

Trick’s face seems to break. He grits his teeth hard, shaking his head and curling in on himself.

“Hey,” murmurs Dok, looking over. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Trick doesn’t answer. Dok glances over at you, seeing the camera flash, and takes it carefully into his hands. Within moments, he is on his feet, headed to the door.

“No, no,” cries Trick. “Stay down here, Dok.”

“What’s going on?” Dok’s voice is afraid.

pine-storm-season asked: Trick, Anti's mad because Red got Dapper his medicine, and I think he might go after Blue, who did nothing. At least calm him down so he won't hurt Blue too, okay? Blue did nothing to deserve that, even if you believe the others did.

“Shit,” hisses Dok, tearing open the door.

Trick is there, grabbing him, a second later.

Dok stares down at the hand wrapped around his bruised wrist, his heart thudding hard in his chest. Slowly, he turns to his twin. Trick’s eyes are blue flames.

“My love,” says Henrik. “It is time you start making choices about the man you are becoming.”

“Don’t go,” says Trick. “This isn’t about morality. This isn’t about me. He will hurt you again.”

Something inside Henrik’s chest breaks clean open.

“Again?”

Trick turns his eyes away.

“You knew. Or guessed, anyway. You suspected.”

Trick cannot look him in the eyes. Something in Henrik’s chest is oozing hurt. Crimson as the sun when the trees are burning.

Anonymous asked: Trick, I know how much Dok means to you. Trust me, I know how much this kills you. You just want to do what you can to keep your twin safe. But everyone else, they're your brothers, too. Red sat with you at night, y'all talked about serious stuff and silly stuff like the dorks you are. Blue sat with you after YOU attacked Dok. They don't want you to be hurt. They would try to keep Anti away if he ever wanted to "punish" you, or worse. Brothers shouldn't hurt each other, Trick. I think you can believe that if you really try. Brothers shouldn't hurt each other. And you can help.

“I don’t - I don’t want…”

Dok can’t tell if he’s stammering or just trying to find the words. Trick is looking at him. Trick’s hand rises slowly and his fingers touch Dok’s throat, wrapping loosely around, but just like the other night, Dok doesn’t protest or fight. Trick pushes him back just a little and Dok goes, hitting the wall.

“I don’t… want to be something that hurts you. Or any of them. I don’t… think brothers hurt each other?”

Henrik doesn’t know why he sounds confused, but he sees the truth still alive in his brother.

“Let me go, Chase,” he says. “Please.”

cest-mellow asked: trick, loving your brothers doesnt just mean cooked sausage and cakes and holding them in their sleep. it doesn’t just mean getting them water when their hands have been mangled and it doesn’t just mean calming them down. you have to protect them and defend them from what’s hurting them. and what’s hurting them is anti. he told red “i am going to torture you, and then string your little brother up.” protect. your brothers.

“But that - that - that’s what I want it to mean, Deutsch,” Trick says. “That’s what I want it to mean cause then nothing would ever have to change.”

“Was that happiness, Trick?” asks Dok, shaking his head. “Was that all you hoped for?”

“You besides me while I sleep? Your hands against my shoulders while I keep guard over us? You eating sausage and playing with our cat? Yes, that’s all that I hope for. That’s everything I hope for.”

Dok’s face contorts with tears, but still he smiles.

“I want better for you - for all of us - than having to live in fear all the time. I want you to want for more than my companionship. I want you to hope for things, to live for people other than me. I want you to know you’re not so worthless that you have to chase the love of someone who hurts you all the time.”

Trick shakes his head hard, tears running down his face. “He does love me.”

“I want you to find your babies again, if you can.”

“No, don’t talk about them!” cries Trick, letting go of Dok’s neck and falling back. “Stop it, Dok! My head hurts!”

“I think you do want for greater things, desperately so. I think you just pretend because you’re scared of things not staying the same. But Trick, no matter what happens, I’m here and I love you.”

“No, you’re wrong!” shouts Trick. “You’re wrong! There isn’t anything more than this for me! If you leave, if you all go, if Anti lets you escape - I’ll be alone! Don’t go! I just want you to stay. I just want everyone to stay. Stop talking about things beyond this. There’s nothing beyond this.”

“Then here we are,” says Dok, his voice raw. “But one way or another, whether or not things are changing, Blue and Red and Dapper are upstairs, about to get hurt, and it would be wrong of us not to try and help them. I’m going upstairs. Are you coming with me?”

bupine asked: trick, this is really serious. red, blue and dapper are in danger and you're anti's current favourite, so you could maybe try to help. please, trick. i know you're having fun and i'm sorry to have to intrude, but they're going to be really badly hurt. red especially. he took medicine for dapper to prevent him from going into a psychotic episode and anti's very, very angry. is there anything you can do?

“Does Dapper deserve to be without his medication? Can you call that right? Acceptable, appropriate? Do you think Red deserves to be hurt than for no other reason than that he tried to keep his youngest brother healthy?”

Trick turns away from him, shaking his head, rubbing at his temples.

Dok turns his eyes away and steps through the door.

Trick’s hand is on his wrist again, stopping him.

Anonymous asked: Henrik, stay here please. It's safer for Trick to go, yeah? Trick will help them.

“I’ll go,” says Trick. “If you stay.”

Dok’s tongue flicks out to wet his tongue. “You promise me you will try to help?”

“I promise,” says Trick. “On my life.”

He touches his hand to Dok’s chest, above his beating heart.

“On my life.”

Anonymous asked: trick, i'm worried. i know you want dok safe and protected, but you deserve to be protected too. you deserve to not hurt. and i'm worried anti will hurt you, either physically because he doesn't want you to try to help or by hynotizing you again, really badly. he's already the reason it's so hard to keep your thoughts sometimes, and to imagine better things for yourself. if you and dok are together, you can have each other's backs. your safety is not less important than dok's.

“Well, theirs isn’t worth less than mine either,” says Trick, heading up the stairs. “So if I can share the pain with them a little, or at least make it less, I will try. Or we just all get hurt. But sometimes you die with your friends instead of running away, yeah? Let Dok be Marius and I’ll be that loyal drunk-ass Grantaire. Cause you know, Grantaire didn’t ever give a damn about the revolution, not really. He just loved his friends that much. Deutsch loves that book, you know. He loves a lot of books. Nerd. I had to make him stop reading Hamlet so much, once… he would whisper the lines to Horatio when he thought I was sleeping. Had them memorized. Had the whole thing memorized. Horatio, I am killed… ah, let Dok be Horatio for a hot minute, and the rest of us all go down in pointless sword fights. But not pointless, either. Not pointless. Or that’s what Dok said.”

cest-mellow asked: thank you trick. but. please hurry.

Upstairs, Anti is already wearing Blue’s body, and any fatigue he had seems to have fallen away - to be remembered, of course, next morning, with interest added. He has Red in the bathroom upstairs, the rosey one that stinks of lotions and bathbombs, holding him over the tub to let the blood fill it up, the tub stoppered and filling with dark lines of venomously dark crimson, the lot of Dapper’s white pills scattered along the porcelain floor. Red bleeds from a deep cut in his throat, his eyes closed, his face silent. He has always survived like this - sitting as quiet as he can, not protesting, waiting for Anti’s rage to blow over. It’s the closest thing to safety he can have right now. He knows that through long years of experience.

In his head, he’s far away. Dermot Kennedy is playing. Max’s hands are at his waist. There’s still the pain, and the sticky sensations of blood and skin against his own, but they’re more bearable with the image of Max in front of him, smiling at him, swaying. He leans close and whispers something Red can’t hear. Ro tastes Starbursts.

“You think you’re better than me?” shrieks Anti, scratching Blue’s white nails down the cut in Red’s throat. “Cause he made you so perfect? You think you can disobey me? I’m the one in control now, Jackie! I’m the one who won! You’re nothing! Look at you! Pathetic! Lying there as I bleed you. I’ll teach you to try and undermine me, to try and hurt me. You’re never pulling that hero shit again. Fucking traitor. You belong to me, not him! You’re never making me mortal again!”

Dapper is slumped against the bathroom floor, unmoving, his eyes closed, a yellow bruise appearing on the whole left side of his face.

Anonymous asked: Okay. Thank you, Trick. We'll be with you, bud.

Warm arms wrap around Anti’s shoulders, pinning his arms to his chest for a second. He whirls, snarling - and Trick’s eyes, unhappy and scared, look back at him.

Jack’s eyes.

“You gotta stop, man,” says Trick, and that’s all. “You gotta stop, like, yesterday.”

Anonymous asked: Anti stop it. Dapper had nothing to do with it first of all. Second, what good is possibly going to come from torturing your two strongest when you're playing games with Dark? You're just handicapping yourself by injuring Dap or Red. Plus, it'll drive them away, make it easier for Dark to worm their way in because they have a hatred for you already.

Anti grinds his teeth so hard you do, in fact, see one fall apart. He regrows it as a fang, a deep growl thriving in his chest.

“You shut the fuck up,” he hisses. “And you get off me. Right now, Trick.”

Trick shivers, but doesn’t let go. He hides his face between Anti’s shoulder-blades, whimpering.

Anonymous asked: Anti, please leave Red be. I know you want him to suffer, and to punish him for what he did, but this could easily kill him. At least, if you will not stop, do something else to hurt him? This is going to seriously damage him, and I don't know how long it's already been happening.

“I - I wouldn’t kill him,” protests Anti in a snarl.

“You can be a little out of control sometimes,” mumbles Trick against his back. “You could.”

“Well, if I did…” Anti trails off, looking down at Dap, unconscious at his feet. No turning back til he wakes up.

Anonymous asked: please, anti?

“Please,” snarls Anti. “Please, they say. As if that… as if… please, they say. Huh.”

But his voice is getting weak and he knows it, so he shuts himself up. For a moment, there’s just Anti with his eyes closed, and Trick rubbing his hands into the muscles of his back, just like Dok always did for him. Anti leans back slightly, his head faltering onto Trick’s shoulder.

“You did used to just say that, when I was scaring you,” he says. “Like you had nothing else to say.”

Trick doesn’t know what he means. He just stands there, massaging his back. He lets one of his hands intertwine with Anti’s hair, hoping to keep him in place.

Anonymous asked: Blood loss is a dangerous thing, Anti. Red might end up struggling somewhat to survive, and he's one of your strongest. I know you wouldn't purposefully kill him, but you might not catch yourself until too late.

“You have to be careful,” agrees Trick quietly. “I don’t think this is what you meant by force.”

Anti stares down at his hands for a second, riddled in blood. He has cut throats too deeply before in the past. And he wasn’t able to amend for that.

He just wanted to feel that Red was as weak as he sometimes feels. Being weaker than Red is not an option. Not again. Never again.

But at least he has his little brother under his heel. Anti rubs distractedly at Trick’s waist, panting harshly in the cold emptiness of the bathroom.

Anonymous asked: Come on, Anti. Let's let Dok bandage Red up now, and he'll most likely survive, okay? Red has suffered enough for what he did. You beat him, yeah? Let Dok help him now.

“No, no,” growls Anti, shaking out his head, stepping away from Trick a little. “No. You don’t have any control over me. Any. You or you.”

He turns and gives Trick a dark look. His little brother makes his posture small and re-buries himself in Anti’s back, hugging him around his waist. Anti fumes, torn. Now that he’s stopped he’s a little worried that Dapper hasn’t woken up. Did he drop him that hard?

No! He shakes it off again, snarling and biting his teeth at nothing at all, because he sees threats everywhere and always, and any amount of control shared is weakness to him.

“I’ll get chain. Stay here.”

“No, please, Anti, please. Let Dok see them. And let Blue go, please.”

“Trick,” he warns, voice low and dangerous.

Anonymous asked: No one is trying to control you right now, Anti. We're scared, we're the weak ones begging at you to just not kill them. To just not hinder your assets like this. No one is trying to control you, we are literally simpering and grovelling.

Anti stares at you for a second.

Then he laughs, shaking his head, and suddenly he just looks bewildered and tired and maybe a little younger than he did a moment ago.

“I don’t… get it?” he laughs. “I don’t… I… you never stop trying to help? Fuck’s sake, I had thought you would all fall off, one by one, as you realized you couldn’t do anything. But fuck, you’ll do anything for them. What the hell? It was going to be my last little defeat over you. Not just that you lost them, not just that Jack’s story stopped. You walking away from it - giving up on them - moving on? That would have been the sweetest victory. But you never do quite go. I don’t get it…”

He drops his knife on the ground, shaking his head.

Dapper and Red said that maybe, with the timeline broken, only the people who really loved them could still remember who they are.

What does that make you?

Anonymous asked: Anti, we're asking you because you have all the control here. We don't. We're asking to let Red be helped, because we're very worried about him, but we can't do anything if you say no. I just think that Red might die if you don't let him be helped.

“But I can’t just let them go, no way,” says Anti, shaking his head and sighing. “They still gotta learn their lessons - and you pansies never like to let them sit with a little well-deserved pain. I’ll go get chain and I’ll look after them myself. Trick, don’t go anywhere. You can be a little shit too, don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

Anti paces off, running a shaky hand through his wild green hair.

Trick falls to his knees at his big brother’s side, taking Red’s face between his hands and trying to lift him up without hurting him worse. The wound bleeds heavy, but it isn’t as deep as it could be. Trick feels carefully around the cut and knows that it won’t be fatal. Dok taught him how to check. How to look after them.

“Oh, Ro, fuck, it must hurt like crazy. Are you okay? Are you with me?”

Red smiles faintly, eyes still closed. Max is kissing the side of his hair.

“I’m with you,” he whispers.

pine-storm-season asked: Anti, can you at least let Dok or someone bandage the cut on his throat? It'll still hurt just as bad, but it'll stop bleeding.

Trick tears his shirt apart without hesitation, tying the closest approximation to bandages he has without leaving this bathroom.

“Won’t be perfect, but it might slow it down a little,” he soothes.

“Ohh, no, Trick, please, I’d rather have the pain than a tight collar. I hate things rubbing against me that tight.”

Trick winces. “You might not like what Anti’s got planned for you, buddy.”

“Just check on Dap, I can take the rest…”

pine-storm-season asked: Red, hang on, buddy. You'll be okay, yeah? You'll be okay. Can we help you with anything, Red?

“I’m good, I’m good, I’m bleeding, what else do you want from me?”

Anonymous asked: ohh, man, well done trick. scary as shit. i'm glad you're okay. itll mean a lot to them that you're there and watching over them how you can, thank you.

“I don’t know that I did much at all,” says Trick. “But I think things could have been a lot worse.”

Anonymous asked: Have you noticed some of us haven't given up on /you/ either, Anti? We always mediate and try to calm you when you rage because some of us haven't given up on you either. Always searching for good somewhere in that sewage pit heart heh.

“Awww! So stupid of you!” He shape-shifts his pupils into sweet black hearts and then rolls his eyes.

pine-storm-season asked: We just want to help. Is there anything Trick can do to fix the makeshift bandages on your throat, Red?

“He, um. He put them on me! They are there and slowing down the blood loss. But if you have any ideas - ” He coughs as his voice breaks. “I am open to them. Fuck, I think I better sign.”

pine-storm-season asked: When Anti comes back, we can try to convince him to let someone bandage your throat properly. And we can talk to you unless Anti takes the cameras. Does that sound alright, Red?

“Okay, buddy,” he signs, giving you a fragile grin.

Anonymous asked: i guess just take deep breaths for now, red, buddy. keep moving that oxygen around. try not to move a lot, and focus on keeping calm. uhhh as much as you can. because, granted, shit's fucked atm

“In my family, when is shit unfucked?”

“Lie still,” begs Trick. “Come on, man.”

But the reality of what happened is beginning to hit Red. He leans back against the tub, eyes welling, and sighs as he tries to stay calm.

Anonymous asked: Feckin A+ with the heart-eyes-motherfucker move, mr. sewage pit. 10/10.

“Thanks,” answers Anti testily, taking thin chain from the drawer beside his bed.

Anonymous asked: things definitely wouldve gone way worse if you hadn't come, tricksy. you came up here to help, that's so huge. and you helped calm anti down a little, kept his focus away from them for a bit. you did a lot, trick. i'm sorry the burden was put on your shoulders but you handled it as well as you could, and i'm really really happy you didnt get hurt

“Thank you,” he says quietly. “I should have… I should have come sooner, but…”

He turns away from you, shaking his head. Not ready to talk about it.

cest-mellow asked: dapper? are you awake too?

“No, he’s out,” mumbles Trick, touching his little brother’s neck for a pulse. “Oh, tell me he didn’t…”

Turning Dapper onto his side does not make things look better. He kicked him, curled up there against the floor, until Dapper could barely breathe, and then slammed him down against the ground. Dapper is bruised black and blue, his whole body looking small and fragile, and the gash in his wrist has come open and bleeds slowly against the floor. Trick pulls his little brother to his body, hot shame washing over him. He should have come up sooner. He wasn’t going to come at all. He could have killed him. What does Anti know about ribs piercing lungs and head trauma? He reaches down to begin re-wrapping Dapper’s wrist, but then Anti is back, silver in his hands.

Anonymous asked: All this screaming about traitors and sneaks sure does make you seem... weak, honestly. Like you don't even trust that your own strings are still wrapped tight. Like come on Anti, this is the smallest ""betrayal"" that I could possibly imagine and you're having a temper-tantrum. It's okay man, chill down just a bit.

Anti’s face draws back in a snarl - an expression that is fast becoming his norm. His nails dig into his palms as he glares at you, drawing his own blood.

Anonymous asked: Heads up for a bit of maybe-too-soon humor, Red, but last time I gave blood, I got to eat starbursts after to keep my blood sugar good! So, once you all get out of this, I'll owe you some starbursts. You can eat all the pink and red ones but I demand the orange. And Max gets stuck with the yellow ones 'cause he didn't get his throat slit and he can deal with it. Very exclusive club of blood-losers-getting-yummy-candy.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Red whispers before Anti kicks the camera away from him, scowling. You sit across the room, spun around to look back at the tub where Red is lying, coughing.

Anonymous asked: Anti, dude, are you literally so paranoid and overdramatic that Red just getting some pills for him counts as "working against you" in your brain? Calm down, man, you're making yourself look weak.

“I’ll show you goddamn ‘weak,’” hisses Anti, grabbing Red by the hair and dragging him up, to his feet, shoving him down in the tub.

“Anti!” begs Trick, but his brother ignores him. He wraps the chain tight, tight, tight around Red shoulders and legs and shoves the other side against the metal of the tub faucet, using Blue’s fire to melt the two together, chaining Red securely to the tub. Red is crying by now despite a firm, defiant smile on his mouth, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. Anti huffs out a bitter laugh and shoves his head before turning to get Dapper too.

“Don’t chain him in there, come on.”

Anti shoves Dapper’s body against Red and ties him into the chains. For a moment, Dapper, disturbed by the movement, awakens and looks dazedly up at his brother, wondering if this is real - he’s never been tied up with anything more than a little rope for as long as he can remember, and Anti hasn’t done much more than slap him around a little or, once, toss him down the stairs since his snap. Usually he’s too scared to do anything more than that. Dapper feels a thrill of alarm. Anti’s fear of Dapper snapping has finally been out-weighed by his fear of losing control over him.

“What?” bites Anti, slapping him. Dapper jolts and shivers, sinking down against Red’s body, letting himself fade away again inside the belly of the bathtub.

scunneredzombie asked: Anti, please be careful with the chains on Dapper... He could potentially have cracked ribs that could puncture his lungs with any excess pressure and kill him, and with that level of head trauma something could be seriously wrong. All I ask is that you let him see dok soon as you feel... okay with that. He could die from this, and there would be no way to fix it.

“It’s just around his neck,” sneers Anti, as if that makes things any better. He rises to his feet and beckons to Trick.

“You. Come with me.”

“Anti, I…”

“I said. Come with me. NOW, Trick.”

Trick hastens to his feet and, trembling, follows after him, casting one last look on his tired brothers, who have fallen quietly together, Dapper unconscious, Red weeping in silence, in pain.

Anonymous asked: yeah, i know, red. we can distract you, if you'd like. do you want us to do that, or to just leave you with trick?

“I… I think,” says Ro, his voice whimpering. “Um. I think I’m just going to take a nap, if that’s okay. I don’t want to be awake right now.”

aether-mae asked: Red buddy, it’s best you do that with all the brothers (minus anti) for the best results. They all need it

Best you run with all his brothers, you mean.

Not just Blue. Not just a short trip to the hospital.

Take all your brothers and run.

Ro turns his head, his breathing struggling with quiet sobs no matter how quickly he tries to bite them down.

“I was just going to take Blue away for a few days,” he cries. “And then maybe come back, if he was okay. Or find a way to get him out of here and then come back myself, to keep looking after the others. The best way to protect them has always been to weather the storm, to weather as much of it for them as I can. Always. Always.”

He turns his head as best he can, coughing on his weak throat, and if he twists his body, he can see: bruises, black and yellow, bruises and blood from the open wrist of his little brother. Tears pour down his cheeks. He rocks himself carefully in the tub, trying not to cry out aloud. Pain and fear. Pain and fear.

That’s his brother.

That’s his lonely, brave, funny, disabled, beautiful, courageous, kind, deadly, perfect baby brother.

And Anti beat him til his whole body was one big bruise.

Jackie opens his mouth and lets himself cry loud and ferocious, tears making his face hot, sobs ripping from his ripped throat. His whole chest shakes with it. He cries so hard it hurts.

“JJ, I’m going to get you out of here,” swears Jackie, pressing their heads together. “My little brother, I promise. We’re all getting the fuck out of here, and we are never coming back.”

Anonymous asked: If you torture or hurt Trick (or Dok for that matter) for doing quite literally nothing but stopping you from killing your two strongest, then I hereby proclaim you have officially lost your gourds. You've won already tonight, Anti. You've won, and they are all hurting and weak. Let it rest.

“No, no, no,” purrs Anti, drawing Trick carefully into his bedroom and putting a hand on the back of his neck, stroking gently at his hair. “No, you stopped me before I did something stupid. That was probably good, huh?”

Relief washes over Trick. He nods eagerly, touching Anti’s arm. “Yeah, I just didn’t want you to hurt anybody!”

“Innocent enough for now,” says Anti, a little bit of a growl in his voice making Trick grovel politely a little, smiling sweetly up at Anti, like a kid embarrassed but also proud to have been caught doing something both clever and against the rules. “But let’s not pretend that you didn’t let the cameras and Dok talk you into this.”

Trick’s faux innocence - a trait he is learning much as Dapper once learned it - falls swiftly away, leaving him nervous and small. “Sorry, Anti.”

“It’s okay,” sighs Anti, stroking his hair. “It’s okay. But I can’t just let this… rift in you continue. You belong to me. Not to Dok. Not to them. To me.”

Trick nods quickly, pursing his mouth and stroking his fingers along the bend of Anti’s elbow. “Okay, master, yes. I’m sorry.”

“No worries, darling. I just want you to do something for me that’s going to be good for everyone involved, alright?”

“Oh?”

Anti smiles, humming. He leans forward, knocking their foreheads together, and looks Trick dead in the eyes.

“Get those necklaces off your twin in the next three days,” says Anti, sugar-sweet, his eyes drizzling to black. “Or I will murder him in his sleep and leave his corpse in the bed beside you.”

Trick freezes solid, eyes blown wide. He looks into Anti’s eyes and finds no lies.

Not this time.

“Okay, pumpkin?” chirps Anti, pulling back. “How’s that sound?”

Trick opens his mouth to protest - and then the power of Anti’s eyes drowns him, and he hears himself giggle without any reason to laugh, and feels himself lean eagerly forward, hugging Anti earnestly to his heart, his arms wrapping deliriously around him.

“There you go,” sighs Anti, sinking back onto the bed and bringing Trick with him, holding his warm body to his chest. “There’s my Jack.”

Anonymous asked: That's okay, Red, love. You sleep. We'll do our best to keep you safe.

And Red sleeps.

Pressed to his little brother. Chained up, cold, in that bloody bathtub, agonized more by the sensation of the chains than of the cut in his throat. But he dreams of Max and safety and his siblings, and that is all that matters.

Dapper, in his sleep, shifts closer to him.

You will do your best to keep them safe. You promised.

From this point on in the story, it will be possible to permanently lose major characters.

#chapter four

[linkspooky]

No , please don't say you are a dumbass , you are not, you just disagree with my point and I disagree with yours, that does not makes you or me a fool. About Hinami reality is people can't know how others feels if you don't tell them you can percibe how they feel but it's not fair to blame others for not guessing, and the ccg never really saw kaneki as a human to begin with. So what can he talk about if they already made their minds to kill him, they already saw him as a tool knowing he was a

Victim , a human transformed into a ghoul and a really disturbed person so it makes sense to me that he did not thought that things can be talked in the Naruto way, yet he did had the intentions to talk to the people that controled the system The washuu

But anon, I am a proud fool. A clown. I wear the title with pride. See ultiamtely it’s a good thing that we disagree! That’s what makes narratives so fun. No two people can read a work the same way, there’s no authority on how a work should be read so you can read one thing in a thousand different ways! You’ll never run out of things to talk about that way. 

Allow me to talk narrative for a moment. More follow up and debate time under the cut: 

I mean see what you’re talking about is wiggle room.    We can talk wiggle room all day when it comes to the actions of a character and the amount of choices they had in a situation, but ultimately Kaneki is not a person but rather a constructed character. All of his choices were purposefully chosen by Ishida to convey something, so technically being a fictional character he could have done anything. What I think is more reliable is to look at the construction of the narrative. Take a look at Kaneki outside of the narrative as a character entirely outside of context, and then look specifically at the hurdles Ishida chose to set up for him. Each challenge is not the world being unfair to Kaneki it’s a challenge set up by Ishida that he was either meant to overcome, or to fail at and his reaction to that is supposed to convey a message about his character. A character themselves out of context is just a list of personality traits, however inside the context of their arc certain personality traits are given focus in reaction to certain situations and they come to be defined as a character. 

I for one don’t really expect a torture victim like Kaneki to be able to make the kind of decisions that would be required of him to actively reform the world. I totally understand how he he’s insular and inside his own head as a method of protecting himself, especially after being exposed to extreme violence and developing a fracturing psyche because of it. 

I understand Kaneki’s character. As I’ve said I don’t have a problem with Kaneki’s character, I don’t think it’s wrong for a character like that to focus more on their own personal happiness or trying to protect a few more manageable people rather than taking the whole world on at once. Taking on the whole world has shown to be rather strenuous for Kaneki’s psyche and usually results in him being overwhelmed. I don’t have a problem with the narrative of an abuse victim who doesn’t understand love, finding value in himself, and realizing there are more healthy ways to love rather than continually needing to prove himself to others. That Kaneki will still have loved ones in spite of his mistakes is a good thing. 

What Kaneki the character are, and what Kaneki’s narrative is however is woefully mismatched. 

TG:Re is a narrative about trying to radically reform the world around you. It’s about the circumstances that created the world, the greater forces at play, the conflict between the two sides. 

I don’t expect somebody who has been abused to the point that Kaneki has and has even lost his memories and had to regain it all back over three years to be able to understand and work out such a conflict the way Kaneki has. But I’m not the one who gave him that role of the conflict. 

Kaneki’s arc is a personal one. It’s mismatched with a story that’s about solving the problems of the world. Ishida is the one who set up this arc and made all of these story telling decisions. If Ishida had chosen to make Kaneki’s character not about him leading a ghoul revolution when he’s woefully under prepared for it and not in the healthy mental space to do it, if Ishida had chosen to make Kaneki’s arc about his own personal recovery after getting out of the CCG and trying to reinstate Anteiku and work out the problems of ghouls on a smaller scale showing the power of human connection and forgiving others which Kaneki specifically is good at I think that would have been great. 

So yes it’s understandable that a torture victim is inside his own head as a method of protecting himself, ad therefore doesn’t go out of his way to understand the minds of violent people like Furuta, Mutsuki, and Hajime when he abhors violence hiself. It’s understandable that Kaneki focuses on his own recovery when he’s very mentally unwell most of the time. I think the title of king was too much pressure on him and it was doomed for him to fail.

My point is merely to point this out. Kaneki’s arc is a very deeply personal arc, and Furuta’s arc is an arc about the world because he was born into the conflict of the world. Therefore the character who is involved with and ultimately deals with the conflict of the world is Furuta. 

#metasks #Anonymous

[ladyastrelle]

July Full Moon Free Reading 🌛🌝🌜

Welcome to the July Full Moon Free Reading by Lady Astrelle. Featuring the Crystal Mandala Oracle. Scroll down to select your card(s) and to see your individual messages from Source for July 17th-Sept 1st.

💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎

Focus on the image and select your cards intuitively from the four Oracle cards below.

💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎

Keep scrolling to see the cards REVEALED. Each card holds special messages and divinatory meaning. For an extra boost, try meditating with the crystal you find associated with each card you've selected.

July Full Moon Free Reading

⭐REVEALED BELOW⭐

💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎

Which card did you select?

💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎

A: Ascended Master Mataji and Crimson Cuprite.

B: Ascended Master El Morya and Blue Star Sapphire.

C: Ascended Master Serapis Bey and Clear Calcite.

D: Ascended Master Yoganada and Rhodonite.

💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎

Meaning:

A. Asc Master Mataji/Crimson Cuprite

[Releif & Repair] This card brings the blessing of relief and repair. This card brings a warm nurturing energy that suggests restoring and rebalancing your body. Right now you may be feeling spiritually diminished or perhaps overwhelmed, over-stretched, or mentally physically or emotionally exhausted. Take time to relax for yourself, and use the restorative life-force of the Earth to strengthen, fortify, and nourish you. Walking in a spiritual light feels great, but afterwards the body and mind can feel burnt out, overloaded and confused. You may feel emotionally unstable and even overwhelmed by attaining your inspiration and dreams. Right now there may be no real plan as to how you can bring them to life utilizing practical steps.

You must learn how to balance your spiritual side and devotion and also care for your body. There are times when your body needs time to simply be, and express itself in a spontaneous and carefree way. Channel your inner child and give yourself over to play. You will also need discipline to continue to grow on your spiritual path and heal yourself. If you balance that discipline with a self loving, and self caring attitude, it won't be so difficult to keep up. The Oracle of relief and repair comes with a message about your spiritual growth- You may not be aware of it, but you are learning to call more spiritual light into your body, your mind, and your life. If you have been praying or meditating more often or perhaps opening your mind to new levels of consciousness, your soul has been growing even if you don't quite feel it or recognize it consciously, keep going.

Take a short rest and repair now so that you do not become unwell or overloaded later on. You are being given the gift of healing from the universe when you need it most. This Oracle also indicates that any situation that may appear to be never-ending is not so, any broken heart or defeated will; or apparent failure, can, and will be resolved and restored through the universe. There will be a blessing of relief and repair upon you and your life situation soon.

B. Asc Master El Morya/Blue star sapphire

[Higher Will] This ascended Master card brings you the blessing of higher will. There is a great plan of divine love unfolding throughout the universe, and the fulfillment of your divine destiny is included. Sometimes it may seem hard to trust in a higher will, but if you do, you can bring a feeling of great relief that even though you don't have all the answers, or all the control, everything will still work out beautifully in your world. Set ego aside, and do not be afraid or frustrated when things don't go according to plan.

Your mind is not always privy to the workings of the universe, but you don't need to be in order to be happy, free, and manifesting your destiny. Trust in the universe now. In your life at present, a higher will is at work. Of course, it is always in operation, but there are times where it may be hard to see or believe. You may know, intellectually, that the universe is helping you always, but emotionally, you may sometimes feel insecure, uncertain or challenged by what is happening in your life. What is causing you uncertainty now will change in time.

As you grow through it, you will naturally access increased understanding, acceptance, and even joyful appreciation of how incredibly creative, and intelligent life, and the universe, truly is; and you will be amazed to see your spiritual journey unfold. Though sometimes growth can bring suffering, and it may be difficult for the mind to let go of ideas and expectations and learn to believe in what is, it is always a gift, even if we can't quite see how at the time. Sometimes higher will will ask that you cultivate patience, there is no point to rush ahead on your path, but be ready to teach, share and shine with those who you are destined to assist. Your voice will not be lost in the darkness.

Feel joyful and enjoy the moment that you are in, learn to love the foundation of the building as much as the successful completion of the task. Though it is a mystery as to how the universe and a higher will is working its magic in your life, it communicates with you everyday, every moment, through the simple truth of your own divinity. If you are feeling anxiety impatience, uncertainty, guilt, shame or anger; or even excitement and joy that a plan is coming together, this Oracle brings you a reassuring message. You can do everything you can, and then let go- trust that a higher will is working for your best interest, and will help you manifest your most soul-satisfying success at the perfect time, and in the perfect way.

C. Asc Master Serapis Bey/Clear calcite

[Karmic Grace] This card brings a blessing of Karmic Grace. There are many ways to learn and grow, some are joyful, and some are more challenging. Sometimes a challenge can be resolved through profound struggle that forces you to transform in such a way that you can never go back to what has been. Struggle can be a painfully deep experience for the mind, body and emotions, and yet, what is gained from this experience is a multiplicity of blessings- personal power, freedom, insight, self-respect and wisdom. These qualities then help you live a better life where the past pain need not be repeated. Other times blessings can be gained through joyful experience. Sometimes the struggle is what will bring you the greatest spiritual progress, and sometimes a more joyful path will show you how to grow best.

The universe loves you and will give you what you most need to help you fulfill your Divine destiny. The struggles we encounter in life can be challenging enough without adding unnecessary guilt, shame or judgment to the mix. There are times when the path of life becomes easier, flowing and effortless, shining with radiant grace; and in those moments we feel as though we are doing something right and the universe is affirming and validating us. Everything just falls into place and we feel blessed. What can be more difficult to accept is that there is grace in your struggles to. The Divine, in its infinite love for you, will empower you to fulfill your innate potential. For some that might be a gentle journey of progress, less challenging to the mind, body and Soul. It may be appropriate to spend a lifetime focused on tranquility and feeling supported. However, there may be times in anyone's life that you experience challenge, and this frequently accompanies accelerated spiritual growth. When this happens, it is what will serve you best. Even the most intense paths that include experiences of trauma or abuse will be able to look forward to the times of lightness and joy.

What you need to remember is not to judge yourself, or think that you are doing something wrong when life gets difficult. It is actually a sign that you are going through an accelerated phase of spiritual growth and the blessings that come from it will be what you need and want the most. Avoid the temptation to judge oneself in the struggles of life and to wonder if this is an act of karma. The guilt, shame and judgement make situations more difficult; don't do this to yourself or to others. Understand that where there is struggle, there is opportunity for breakthrough to be grasped by the soul. This opportunity can come to you through this method of growth. You will have other times that are more joyful too, so there is no need to worry.

Some souls choose to have lifetimes where much struggle characterizes the early phase of their life, preparing them for great work- a much lighter and more joyful experience in the second half of their life. Except that the karmic grace bestows upon you the best way to grow and manifests your divinity in every moment. You don't have to understand it, but to accept and trust in it, you need to believe that you are truly loved by the universe.

D. Asc Master Yoganada/Rhodonite

[Empowered Service] This ascended Master card brings the blessing of empowered service. It is your time to assume your place in the world, like the Masters who serve the loving hand of the Divine. You have been asking for your purpose to be more clearly unveiled and manifested in the world.

You have endured lessons of patience. You have learned that spiritual progress can be made even without the results being immediately obvious. Now it's time to surrender your personal desires to a larger plan. Know what you are capable of and step into the next level of empowered service to the greater plan of divine love unfolding. Some of the most difficult and most spiritually empowering lessons that you will master on this plane are those of endurance and continued effort in the absence of immediately perceivable results. Life may not always seem glamorous or radiant but being able to walk in the light even when you are in times of darkness is one of the most advanced lessons your soul can master.

You are the light that can be relied upon to shine where it is most needed of course in the darkness, with total faith and unconditional trust. This is the true work of a powerful soul with great compassion. You are willing to feel the light, and yet not leave the darkness behind, but rather stay and shine your light for as long as those you are meant to serve are in need of it. As you continue to progress on your spiritual journey, you are gifted with the experience of being empowered to serve in new ways or at a new level of wisdom, potency and effectiveness. Your method of reaching people will either become very clear to you or evolve into a new expression that will better match your increased power.

When the Oracle of empowered service comes to you, there are particular messages to hear from your higher guidance at this time. Trust in your abilities. You do not have to compare or compete with any other. The people places and situations you are here to help in this lifetime have been selected at a higher level long before your incarnation. Additionally, if you have been dreaming of something, wondering if a vocation or life path you fantasize about could translate into a real vocation, this Oracle brings you confirmation that you will be given the opportunities to do so, emowered to manifest your passionate purpose according to the loving plan of divine. If you have been wondering if a situation at hand, which is challenging you is something you really can't handle, then this Oracle comes as confirmation all will be well. You will be empowered to obtain what you seek.

💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎🔷💎

Blessings and Love,

-Lady Astrelle xoxo

www.Celestialtarot.etsy.com

[bienready2122]

Little Frieda

I have often spoken approximately loss of life  Custom Made Jewellery Sometimes it comes like a loud shout, a large bang intentionally however on occasion it's far unusually quiet as if there's a royalty to its detail. And then there may be the earth that we fold the body bodily into, throw dirt on it and pay our respects or the ash that we maintain in our arms. And then afterwards whilst the family gathers to eat, to sup collectively, to interrupt bread there are a lot of things I assume they surrender, that they permit cross of or do not. Head beneath water is the most effective region I can allow move of all of these items. There is not any echo, not anything to distract me here, evaporate me like smoke. And it's the only location in which I locate God. It isn't rain pouring down, wires of serotonin, dopamine, electrolytes developing from my head, nightmares that come to me inside the midnight that issues me so, and infection.

Its pores and skin was purple, orange and green, tasted like butter. A mango is delicious from the first time you flavor it. I tasted my first right mango in Swaziland (all that goodness got here with its warmth, that sweetness on my breath, juice on my clothes, sticky fingers however shadows need to meet someplace and all I desired to look became London). I recall the mangoes you kept for me until I came domestic from college (you would positioned it inside the fridge till it was cool, the orange strings of flesh). We could have avocado on toast, or French toast with fresh coriander leaves fried in creamy butter or hotdogs and chips as simplest you can cause them to in which Swaziland was my home for a 12 months. You died earlier than some time, my 2d mother. Your fingers faded, hair dark and as you have become extra unwell with the greater weight you misplaced however you have been nonetheless lovely to me. Leaves shake and decay in autumn, spin round, and round. You were my vibrant star amongst all souls. I pass over epic you each day. There's a loss that comes with respiratory. But the stranger inside the ghost residence has no voice. He does not speak of self-assist, a shelf-life. A double existence, crimson dirt, dead parakeets, sweat jogging down his wife's returned, the insanity and melancholy of Liberace. Something is unanchored yet still superbly capabilities, is effective. It is referred to as own family and the attention of coming domestic, a flag become planted here in the South's barren region in which a genocide came about, there's whisky in a glass, a day cocktail. Books which might be a sanctuary. An Eric Clapton report is playing. The purple dust of this county does now not speak of self-help. There is a suicide. A death in a river. And the police have come. This is August: Osage County.

The police come in the middle of the night. Like the detectives in plainclothes that got here to my house inside the nighttime while my brother took a knife and stabbed my father. Nothing romantic approximately it. About the onslaught of demise, of it catching up to you like a thief within the night time, a cat burglar, a cat drowning in a bag with her kittens, that is how I felt as if I became a drowning vacationer. I noticed guns that night I led a double existence. I pretended I did now not see or hear some thing and inside I turned into numb. When I noticed my father's blood. It had an oppressive great to it like the whole thing in my existence so far. The tablets refused to work. So I took more and more of them and slept all day and all night time.

The double lifestyles of the romantic jasmine. It lives, it dies and it lives and it dies like human beings. I can talk and communicate and no person might be listening to my conversations, eavesdropping. Down the iciness road I got here across men who stare at goats. Men who were top dancers or American infantrymen who took German fans at some point of the conflict. Men who have been true actors, a few were heavy drinkers in my mind, and philanthropists. The knife was sharp. It struck air time and again and once more. And then is changed into anchored in skin. I failed to scream. I became a Scout's knot. Ran in my sandals to the neighbour's residence as rapid as my toes ought to convey me. Outside the air felt cool as rain. How I wanted it had rained? But there has been no rain that night time and they called the police.

There's no romance in death. Hair and flesh coming loose. And nonetheless daddy turned into left standing, unafraid. My brother changed into prancing round all of us, smirking, smiling with cunning deceit, excessive he become having his cake and ingesting it too. Pinned daddy to the bed along with his fingers like shark teeth. My mom had ran away within the darkish. I changed into left with notes of grief, a stem and a route to observe. A flowering bleeding coronary heart making waves, beating speedy. It turned into Christmas. But there were no presents only a iciness road to observe.

To hell with it if I do no longer ever fall in love. It is a case of much ado approximately not anything. I actually have lost my thoughts and recuperated in hospitals. Once again turn out to be anchored to reality in restoration. I do no longer have a brother and I do no longer have a sister. I do not have a mother and I do no longer have a father. They stay their very own lives, so they amuse themselves, selfish humans every person. While I am stored sheltered in Pandora's Box. It is a container filled with romantic villagers of my own making. What a comfort they are to me. I am an orphan on Okri's famished street. I am Nabokov's and Kubrick's Lolita. And soon I may be forgotten like breath. The portable a ceremonial dinner of intercourse, romance and death. Damaged, broken, broken however I should now not speak of it.

It will be the loss of life of me and I have to live without the disorder, the stain of trauma a while longer, take a seat on my throne, accumulate bones like arrows that fall from the sky. Curiosity has killed me. Men have killed me exceedingly. But I even have nine exquisite lives and am left smiling like the Cheshire cat.

This is the brother who I am presupposed to love. I do now not respect him anymore. I feel nothing for him after I understand that night time from hell. House of hunger. House of hell, of insanity and depression. If he had a gun all of us might be useless. I split the onion, seduced with the aid of its layers. And I cry for what has been lost, gemstones every one. There are diamonds in my eyes and I blink them lower back. My kids, my teenagers, my children and there may be no ring. No ring on my finger, all the ones continual wasted years. Now he is Lucifer manning the gate to the wards of hell. My beautiful, darling boy what has grow to be of you?

The secrets and techniques that we maintain are dedicated to memory. They're training inside the needs of humans round us, a lesson in obedience, from time to time even awareness. And it takes bold work for us to recognize that the future is brilliant whilst every so often we are challenged, while we must mine glory. And make a ceremony out of it. There are profound substances that goes into making a spaghetti bolognaise. Family is of direction the first precedence. Next the butcher, mint from the lawn and limes for the cocktails. Footsteps on the stairs and laughter scribbling inside the air.

Perhaps avocadoes had been the first fruits (food for thought) in the Garden of Eden even before Eve changed into crafted from Adam's rib thru the maturation of a human soul and a vortex in flux. Sun and moon. They are miracle angelic novices every one every day. Daughters nicknamed so for jasmine and the day past, these days and the following day. And then as though woken up from a dream the day starts.

Head below water. Silently pushing off from the wall of the swimming pool doing lap after lap. Here is wherein I find my sanctuary, my second domestic and solace from the world outdoor. I am no longer just like the other ladies. They're all younger, thinner, and confident despite the fact that they're still flat-chested, and flirtatious from where I am status. Head underneath water again. I'm praying it won't be the house from hell again tonight. I'm watching films, reading books, wiping my father's bum (there aren't any secrets between us). We talk about our beyond lives, our 9 lives, love and the degree of it, how the devil made paintings for idle palms throughout apartheid, in the course of the Group Areas Act, the Nazi struggle lords, Hotel Rwanda. We talk about the ladies in his lifestyles, beyond and present, the primary girl he ever loved and lost and the measure of it. I end up distracted. He will become distracted and I arise to make cups of espresso, lukewarm espresso. We talk Valkenburg (the mental organization in Cape Town where he resided for some months).

The first social worker he ever met. This is concerned with the ebook I am writing. Walking in his footsteps. Night after night I make a casserole and the 2 people take a seat all the way down to devour at the kitchen desk. He walks, he shuffles, he walks, and he shuffles. Sometimes he sits outdoor with Misty, the canine in the solar. He is forgetful, he stammers, he has a short interest span but alternatively I guess reminiscence loss comes with age. Last night he moist the bed. There are people who might make a mockery of this situation but whilst you're knee deep in it with a person which you love, intimacy is not anything, acknowledging that he is turning into older is the whole thing. I've become an old girl in a single day. Suddenly I even have grey hair, the understanding of a lake, a mild tremor in my fingers, I be afflicted by tension, and I can't sleep at night time. He requires me inside the nighttime. He desires me and so this teaches me that I am now not merciless. I am a lady now. Something has changed the darkness in my existence. I have discovered the stem of meditation.

Its face, its direction, my lifestyles's adventure in this crowded house and tears. My mom does the laundry. Not any such terrible lady after all. If best all girls might be like her. Tough. Made of holy guts, an insatiable instinct, almost a clairvoyant intuition. She lives like a nun and eats like one these days. She eats like a hen making soup, after soup after soup that simplest the three folks consume. As an grownup I actually have fallen in love with the excellent goodness of barley and the healthy protein of lentils. Split peas reminds me of ingesting a home cooked meal within the afternoon's at my paternal grandmother's residence inside the afternoons. My paternal grandmother's arms have been lovely. Wizened due to the fact she suffered from arthritis, darkish brown. Warm with the feel of the solar and freckled. She became my moon, my moonlight and fashionable. She provided us bowls of soup with domestic baked bread that tasted extra nourishing and filling than the shop sold costly kind. My mom guarantees us all an extended life if we drink blends of herbs.

Dried rosemary, tinctures, tonics, homemade inexperienced smoothies with parsley, spinach from our vegetable patch and coconut milk. Head beneath water I reflect, I meditate, I breathe clean. I swim with the fishes, schools of them on this swimming pool. It lighting fixtures a candle in my heart once I swallow water. My brother makes stews together with his domestic-grown carrots and corn. All I could make is spaghetti. Frieda's spaghetti. It is so bloodless now. The international feels so bloodless. It feels as though Iraq has descended into my thoughts once more. Sarajevo. Rwanda and the kids of Northern Uganda. I am a younger female at the verge of a anxious breakdown. I must be sturdy to carry on, stay brave, act bold. Sometimes I can hear Tchaikovsky. My father has taken to his mattress. He has depression once more (of-the-William-Styron-kind). I surprise if John Updike ever suffered from despair. I recognise Hemingway certainly did. What approximately J.M. Coetzee, Radclyffe Hall, Vladimir Nabokov, Kubrick? And the filmmakers, writers, the poets who were heavy drinkers?

But I leave that in God's hands for his observation, all the ones alerts. I'm antique earlier than my time. I'm an antique soul. Complicated, an empty vessel, resentful of splendor like several lady, of children, of the lady, of children in childhood. My infants are my books.

[thesnapshotcafe]

Bride-to-be survival guide during lockdown/ social-distancing 社區距離期間準新娘的生存指南

冠狀病毒給我們帶來了緊張的時間。 我們知道我們的準新娘在這段時間內可能需要特別的支持，因此我們為她們整合了一些小點子。 這對於任何在婚禮上提供幫助的人也可能有用。

保持鍛煉身體和做伸展運動

做運動有助於身心愉快，增加自信及能量水平，改善睡眠，減少患病的風險。 而且您還是想穿上已度身訂造好的嫁衣，對吧？ 妳只需要每週3次進行30分鐘的鍛煉。 可使用應用程式，在線視頻來幫助您。 妳可能希望找到可以鼓勵妳鍛煉的朋友，例如伴娘一起鍛煉。 鍛煉時可以放鬆一下，聽音樂或podcast。

保持健康飲食

飲食健康可以增強您的免疫系統。 妳喜歡食3頓全餐還是5頓小菜讓妳天天精神飽滿？ 請記住以下幾點：

https://www.facebook.com/LondonUKEuropeEngagementWedding/

1.補充水份：每天2升水，請考慮向水中添加半個檸檬。

2. 購物：計劃需要購買的東西。 不要庫存過多。 食用新鮮食物很重要，並且讓妳的鄰居也能夠得到他們所需要的食物。 3. 均衡飲食：40％的碳水化合物，30％的蛋白質，30％的健康脂肪，並帶有不同顏色的蔬菜，水果，堅果。 避免高糖和高咖啡因飲料。 4. 補充營養：多種維生素（尤其是維生素D3和B12），益生菌，超級綠色食品以及薑黃，大麻籽等補品。 妳可以在水果，蔬菜，穀物和土豆中找到碳水化合物，在動物產品，豆類，堅果和大豆產品中找到蛋白質，並從堅果，種子，牛油果等中找到健康的脂肪。

www.foreverlovejourney.com

注意心理健康 這是一個壓力很大的時間，但您需要充足的睡眠。 如果不這樣做，您的免疫系統會變弱。 一直想著“今天是我原來大日子。”或“我不能和我最好的朋友在她生日那天在一起。”無濟於事。 想像一下這場疫症之後，妳可以自由地度過新婚之日，與您摯愛的朋友和家人聚會，擁抱他們。如妳感到擔心，認知妳的想法，選擇除去或保留想法。 放鬆，洗個澡或小睡。 如果焦慮，壓力或沮喪正在影響您的生活質量，請尋求幫助。

練習初舞 做件浪漫的事。

練習擺姿勢 當妳看起來不錯時，妳會感覺良好。

也許是時候戒煙了 迄今為止，冠狀病毒已對老年人和“基本健康”狀況的人們產生了很大影響，現在發現這包括以前吸煙的人。 吸煙會抑制肺部的免疫功能並引發炎症。

但是你不需要戒巧克力 不用擔心，可以在需要時享用一小塊黑巧克力讓自己開心。

打掃你的房子 對抗細菌和病毒。 這也是一個很好的運動。

煮或烤點好東西 為自己和愛人創造一些小點心。

看新聞，但不要24小時不停看 需要知道最新消息但不讓自己產生焦慮。

保持距離，但不要停止社交 我們需要與人聯繫。 與家人朋友保持聯繫。 考慮成為義工，打電話給老人和弱勢群體。

在家里工作 我們應該盡可能在家里工作，並遵守政府的指導方針。 建一個可以提高妳在家工作效率的環境。 不要忘記休息。 如果妳需要經常看屏幕來工作，可不時閉上眼睛或看綠色植物。

與婚禮服務人員保持聯繫 如果妳需要推遲婚禮怎麼辦？ 您將需要立即通知妳的供應商並看看找不找到合適大家的日子。

更新限制 看針對妳婚禮場地的措施有否有任何更新，例如，可以參加婚禮的人數是否受到限制？ 所有客人都需要自我隔離7天或14天嗎？ 航班還有去當地的嗎？

DIY項目 開始一個新嗜好，重新佈置傢俱，妳會發現時間過得更快。

存心感恩並有信心 我們都知道這不會永遠持續下去。 值得慶祝的是，我們有機會團結在一起，互相關心及至鄰居和其他國家的人。

注意安全 請注意Covid-19症狀，例如高溫，持續咳嗽，呼吸急促或呼吸困難。 如果妳感到不適並表現出任何症狀，則應留在家中並自我隔離至少7天。 如果妳的家庭中有任何成員表現出症狀，那麼您都應該自我隔離14天。 如果症狀變得更嚴重，則必須立即就醫。 咳嗽或打噴嚏時要遮住臉和鼻子，這將有助於保護周圍的人。 每2小時洗一次手20秒鐘。 當妳想���摸臉部時，請嘗試觸摸其他東西。

繼續做好護膚程序 如果妳承受壓力或經常戴口罩，面上可能會出現斑點。 由於使用了酒精潔手液和清潔產品，可能會出現皮膚過敏反應。

注意頭髮的顏色變化和長度 婚禮前，妳可能需要剪髮，或者，如果妳決定不剪頭髮，則可能要考慮再試多次妝髮。

保持財務健康 值得花一些時間來預測妳的現金流。 看一下妳的支出，儲蓄和收入。 財務上的擔憂是暫時的，不應影響妳的生活質素。

我們將度過這疫情。 如果妳需要更多信息甚至只是一個通話談天，我們歡迎妳隨時與我們聯繫。 祝身體健康。

Bride-to-be survival guide during lockdown/ social-distancing

Coronavirus brings us stressful time. We know our brides to be may need special supports during this period of time, so we put together some ideas for them. It could be useful for anyone who is helping out in the weddings too.

Keep workout and Stretching

Doing exercise helps boosting mood, self-esteem, increase energy levels, improve sleep, reduce the risk of illness, keep you fit and strong. And you still want to fit into the dress, right? You just need to do 30 mins of exercise 3 times a week. Use apps, online videos, guides to help you. You may want to find mates, perhaps bridesmaids and/ or maid of honor who can motivate you to workout together. See it a time to relax, listen to music, podcast while doing exercise.

https://www.facebook.com/LondonandUKWeddingPhotographerandVideographer

Keep healthy diet

Having healthy diet would boost your immune system. Is it 3 full meals or 5 small dishes would keep you going? Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Hydrate: 2 litres of water a day, consider adding half a lemon to your water. 2. Purchase: plan what you need to buy. Do not over stock. It is important to consume fresh food, and it is nice to let your neighbours to be able to get what they need too. 3. Balance diet: 40% carbohydrates, 30% protein, 30% healthy fats, with different colours vegetables, fruits, nuts. Avoid high-sugar and high-caffeine drinks. 4. Supplements: Multivitamins (particularly Vitamin D3 and B12), probiotics, super greens, and supplements like turmeric, hemp seed. You can find carbohydrates in fruit, vegetables, grains and potatoes, protein in animal products, legumes, nuts and soy products and healthy fats from nuts, seeds, avocados, etc.

Be aware of mental health

http://www.foreverlovewedding.com/

It is a stressful time, but you need to have enough sleep. Your immune system will be weaker if you don’t. Keep thinking ‘My original wedding day is today.’ or ‘I cannot be with my best friend on her birthday.’ would not help. It is ok to miss out, since it is all for the greater good. Imagine after this pandemic, you can enjoy your wedding day freely, gather with your friends and family you love. Hug and kiss them as many times as you want. If there is something came up in your mind made you worried, it is ok, acknowledge your thoughts, intentionally make a choice to linger to the thoughts or let it go. Relax, take a bath or nap. Ask for help if anxiety, stress or depression are affecting your quality of life.

Practice first dance

It is just something romantic to do. Practice posing When you look good, you feel good.

Maybe it is time to quit smoking

Coronavirus has mostly affected the elderly and people with “underlying health” conditions so far, and it’s now been revealed that this includes those who have previously smoked. Smoking suppresses the immune function in the lungs and triggers inflammation.

But you do not need to quit Chocolate

Don’t worry, you can enjoy a small piece of dark chocolate make yourself happy when you need.

Clean your house Fight germs and the virus. It is a great workout too.

Cook or bake something nice Create a little treat for yourself and your love one.

Watch news everyday, but do not switch it on 24/7 Be informed without building anxiety.

Keep distance, but do not stop socialising

We are human beings who need connection with people. Keep in touch with your family, bridal party, friends. Consider volunteering making phone calls to those who is living alone, the elderly and the vulnerable.

Work from home

We should it it whenever possible and follow government guidelines. Create an environment which will boost your work efficiency at home. Do not forget to take breaks in between tasks. Close your eyes or look at green plants from time to time if you need to look at screen often to work.

Keep in touch with wedding vendors

What if you need to postpone the wedding? You will need to notify your vendors immediately and ask for availability.

Keep up with the necessary changes

Search online and see if there is any update in terms of lockdown measures for your destination wedding, for example, is there any restriction for the amount of people who can join wedding? Do all the guests need to self-isolate for 7 days or 14 days? Are the flights still going?

DIY projects Pick up a hobby, rearranging furniture, you will find time pass quicker.

Be thankful and have faith

We all knowing this will not last forever. It worths a celebration that we have chance to stick together and care for each other as well as our neighbours and other people in other countries.

Be safe

Be aware of Covid-19 symptoms like high temperature, feeling hot to touch on next or back, a new continuous cough, shortness of breath or difficulty breathing. If you are feeling unwell and displaying any of the symptoms, you should remain at home and self-isolate for at least 7 days. If any members of your household are displaying symptoms then you should all self-isolate for a per

Keep on doing the best skin care routine Spots may appear if you suffer from stress or wearing face masks too often. Skin allergic reaction may appear due to the use of hand gel and cleaning products.

Be aware of hair colour changes and length You may need a hair cut before wedding day or you may want to consider to do another hair styling trial if you decided not to have a hair cut.

Keep you finance healthy It worths to spend some time to forecast your cashflow. Have a look at your spending, saving and income. Financial worries are temporary and should not affect your quality of life.

We will get through this. If you need further information or even just a talk, we welcome you to contact us anytime. Stay safe and well.

#londonweddingphotographer #londonweddingvideographer #weddingphotographer #weddingvideographer #chineseweddingphotographer #chinesewedding #londonchineseweddings #chinesebride #hongkongbride #chinesebridehairmakeup #doorgames #teaceremony #chinesedoorgames #chineseteaceremony #londonhongkongcouples #londonchineseweddingphotographer #londonchineseweddingvideographer #londonchinesehairmakeupartist #englandchinese #englandchineseweddingphotographer #ukchineseweddinghairmakeupartist #ukchineseweddingphotographer #闺蜜照 #影相好去处 #海外婚纱摄影 #海外婚纱 #旅摄 #摄影 #婚纱摄影 #情侣 #婚摄 #情侣礼物 #情侣摄影 #情侣相 #香港婚纱摄影#海外旅拍 #闺蜜照 #影相好去处  #海外婚纱摄影 #海外婚纱 #旅摄 #摄影  #婚���摄影 #情侣 #婚摄 #情侣礼物 #情侣摄影 #情侣相

[artsaveslivesinternational]

Denny Reader

  Art By Denny Reader

Art By Denny Reader

Art By Denny Reader

Art By Denny Reader

Art By Denny Reader

Art By Denny Reader

Art By Denny Reader

Art By Denny Reader

Art Saves Lives International are committed to elevating artists who use their work to create change. Denny Reader is an ASLI artist who we feel needs to be heard. With his complex art and insightful poetry, depicting experiences of his own schizophrenia, the inner world of psychosis and the ways in which Denny makes sense of this all – with elements of the mystical and the transcendence of consciousness, Denny takes you into his mind.

Here is our interview:

Please tell us what your current creative project is? 

My most current project is working on promoting this Poetry, Art and Aphorisms book called ‘Wondering Whispers’ in e-book form and getting some paperback versions completed as well. I’m also getting back into making Art again, after a short break from creating, I have lots of ideas to get down to.

This is my second book of Poetry, the first one I had published with Chipmunka Publishing which is still available from their site, but in this e-book I’ve included some of my best artwork and also aphorisms that have inspired me and ones I’ve made up myself. I’m also working towards having a collection of my art exhibited at some point, all upon the theme of schizophrenia, the experience of voices and the mystical element that can feature in many people’s psychosis.

What is your biggest goal this year?

To get this book out there in the relevant places and also to get back towards an active creative practice, creating Art and Poetry regularly, hopefully creating work that I’m proud to share and build a collection towards a third book. Also to keep being active and productive, to maybe try some other art mediums like working with oils, collage and to hone in my poetry. Mostly though to get the exposure for this e-book and to get my mental health back on track, because I’ve been mostly very unwell in recent years and I aspire to finding balance within my mind and life once again.

What do you hope to achieve with your new work?

A theme in all of my work really, is to inspire and enlighten people to see things differently, truthfully, authentically and hopefully to a more open-minded perspective, to portray my experiences of schizophrenia, psychosis, mysticism and life experiences in its raw and honest form. I believe in creativity for everyone, people empowering and sharing themselves through all the various art forms genuinely, realistically and also when needed in a therapeutic manner. This way I feel we can all connect to our deeper more authentic and spiritual nature and lessen the pain and burden that human life can so often bring to so many of us.

With this book in particular, I’ve attempted to capture a sense of change and hope in the world, expressed through Poetry, Art and Aphorisms and really I just wish to share what I’ve gone through. I wish to bring some enjoyment and insight into my work and to share my inspiration in the hope that others can relate to it and gain something in their lives because of what I’ve been through.

Tell us why you do what you do?

I do what I do because I love and have great passion for Poetry, Art, Aphorisms and in all honesty I love all Art forms. I believe that Poetry, Art and other mediums literally grasp upon a greater underlying reality of life, it gives us a greater perspective, often a different and more beautiful one. It can put us in the shoes of others, portray meaning, beauty, intellect and I believe really add to our lives. I mean, what would life be like without Art, Poetry, Music, Drama, Creative Writing? I believe it connects us on a deeper level and opens us to a greater sense of life, perspective and well-being.

I thoroughly believe in it also for its therapeutic value, Poetry and Art especially, has been a God send for me over the years, a way to express myself to the world, a way to vent, a way to translate experiences that I would not be able to in any other way. The process in itself is cathartic, even if I didn’t share any of my work, I feel that it would still have great value to myself for its ability to transmute, transform and express the mind, the emotions and experiences into a solid form. To put into form, that which otherwise would remain stagnant within the soul and mind.

Tell us about your process in creating your recent work?

Well all the content in this book, is a collection of my best work from the last five years. When I’m in a flow of Poetry writing I can sometimes write two or three a day and ideas just flood my mind, often too many to record. I often can’t sleep because of seemingly important creative ideas, themes, concepts, images and visions come into my mind regularly, in the past at times it has stopped me from sleeping and I’ve had to learn to shut this creative force out, so I can get on and do other things, like sleeping and living daily life.

Much of my inspiration comes from my sensitivity to things, from nature, from music, people and I like to think from my within myself and my soul. Sometimes when writing a poem, I take a notepad out to a quiet place in nature and sit with my feelings to see what comes out and through, many other times I note down ideas in my notepad and later return to encapsulate upon it when at home and in the quiet. I would say being still as one can in the mind, is often the best way that ideas come through and meditation can help greatly with this.

My recent Artwork, is largely inspired by my latest episode of psychosis and OCD, which has really been a struggle to get through. Voices, paranoia and intrusive thoughts have really crippled me in recent years, but I’m learning to deal with this most recent collection of symptoms and making Art and Poetry to express this.

Tell us about your past work…

Much of my past work, the Poetry and Art that I’ve done and the Aphorisms, have mainly been inspired by my experiences of Psychosis and Mysticism. Most of the content of my creative work is depicting these various experiences, of themes to do with my spirituality directly relating to psychosis and the shamanic and mystical phenomenon that I’ve gone through, ie – having outer body experiences, communicating with various spirits etc. – Much of this could be considered delusional, but I take the shamanic stance on these experiences, they are so real to me, more than daily life, they give me intense meaning in my world and have formed my outlook and philosophy in which I live my life by . Much of it also is just about my take on the trials of being a human being in a fast paced competitive culture and how I deal with my schizophrenia whilst also dealing with this mad world.

I’ve made a previous poetry book to this one, it was published in 2011 by Chipmunka Publishing, it contains only poetry and is titled ‘Inside the Outside’ and is still available to buy through the Chipmunka website and through Amazon as an e-book. Other than this, I’ve had art exhibitions in the past and have been writing Poetry and Creating Art on and off since I was a child, though I do go through periods where I struggle to get the motivation to carry through my ideas.

Does your art help you in any way, therapeutically?

Definitely it does, I believe it helps me reach higher states of consciousness, to escape at least temporarily from the binding of the human ego and all the pain associated with life. It gives me a vehicle in which to share with the world, to transmute my feelings and experiences into a concrete and solid form. Personal development comes to mind when thinking of creativity, the ability and means to express oneself can help tremendously in one’s personal sense of well-being and interpersonal development. As keeping a diary can help a person realise their true feelings and see more sense in how they think and feel, so too can Art help a person in being more expressed, self-content and in many ways more self-actualised and resolved.

Has your art saved your life in any way?

I wouldn’t say it has actually saved my life, but it has definitely helped to make it. It has made it fuller, realer, more clear, it has paved the way for me to have an outlet in this world and life, without it, I would feel ‘boxed in’, stagnant, blocked and without a voice. Art certainly enhances my life tremendously, my Art and Poetry has given me great meaning and has had an enormous cathartic influence within me.

I still have tons of new stuff every so often to process and work through, with my condition as it is, but Art in all its various forms gives me a vehicle in which to process and like I’ve said, to transmute it, express it and hopefully help resolve myself much more.

Which artists do you feel inspired by right now?

I feel mostly inspired by musicians as of late, I constantly have music playing in my room where I work and often have music for all types of moods and emotions. I love rock and some pop for feeling more energetic, chill out music for a more softer mood, like world music and singer/songwriter tunes and I’m always playing a song in my head as I go by my daily activities.

Coming to Art, I will forever love and be inspired by the artwork of Marc Chagall, with his dreamy and colourful paintings, Dali and similar other psychedelic artists, for their transcendental affect on the psyche. I love fantasy Art too and am actually very inspired right now by computer games such as Skyrim, one of the Elder Scroll games for the xbox . The landscapes, characters, monsters, music and whole experience of some console games can be so enthralling and inspiring, they can really give you a taste of a fantasy world, a world unlike our own, free from the normal constraints of human life.

Do you hope to create change with your art?

I hope to bring about more awareness with my mental health campaigning and many of the issues in my work are of a mental health nature, but also on a deeper, spiritual level, I adhere to bring understanding, compassion and loving kindness to my work wherever I can, compassion and understanding of the human condition in its myriad and many forms. I also do like at times to put a political edge upon what I create, I feel that on a spiritual path and being an artist, that we shouldn’t shy away from expressing our political views and the injustices we see in this World, in fact I would say that in this position of being an artist, that it is our place to express our experiences and inspire others to see things in another hopefully broader more truthful light, or to see things in a different way if we can.

Do you have any particular causes and campaigns your art is in aid of?

Yes definitely, I feel my Art and Poetry at least portrays what it’s like to have mental health issues, to bring awareness to people upon psychosis and what this can be like, but also hopefully on a more existential level too, I like to think that I bring spirituality and meaning to my work, not in a dogmatic sense, but hopefully on a deep level on what it’s like to be human and deeply feel things in this crazy world.

I am very passionate about expressing my experiences in an authentic manner, whether it’s positive or negative, expressed with a dark twist or in the light of something spiritual. I like to think that through Art and Poetry I can give an accurate and descriptive take on schizophrenia and also it’s shamanic element, but more deeply, just to express what it is like being a sensitive, feeling human being in a harsh and competitive society, to express the injustices and rawness of being alive here in the 21st century.

In the past I’ve done campaigning on Environmental issues and in mental health, these subjects I’m very passionate about, I like to bring an mind opening, cathartic, therapeutic and compassionate stance in my Poetry and in my Art I love to express the raw and also sometimes brutal experiences of mental illness. I love to use lots of colours in my Art and generally just be authentic with my experiences, to hopefully open the minds of the viewers and give people something to relate to and/or be made aware of.

What are your plans for future work?

To just keep creating mostly, I’ve got two other book projects in mind, one to make a self -help and exploratory book upon psychosis, it’s various cultural perspectives and also various anonymous personal accounts from people about what helped them upon their own road to recovery and exploring psychosis with all it’s fascinating phenomena.

(If anyone reading this is interested in contributing with lived experience of psychosis, then please do get in touch.)

The other book project, a long term goal is to write out a personal story of my breakdown and ongoing experiences of schizophrenia, I think this will be a cathartic process and also something people with similar life experiences and those interested will be able to relate to.

Mostly to keep making Art and get back into writing Poetry regularly again, hopefully towards another Poetry book as well. I’d also like to exhibit in an art gallery with the series of Artwork about psychosis that I’ve done, but yeah, just generally to keep creating, keep an active practice of staying motivated and inspired and put that into motion, regularly finding the energy to keep making and creating.

Please read: Denny Reader talks to ASLI about his schizophrenia and using his creativity, saying “Its gives me a purpose and a platform to share my ideas and myself with the world around me”.

Amazon link to Poetry, Art and aphorisms e-book ‘Wondering Whispers’ Chipmunka Paperback book – ‘Inside the Outside.’

Youtube Channel Facebook Twitter 

Facebook Artists page

If you have any feedback on this interview please fill in the form below:

[contact-form]

    Artist of the Month Denny Reader Tells ASLI About his New Book of Poetry, Art and Aphorisms ‘Wondering Whispers’ Art Saves Lives International are committed to elevating artists who use their work to create change. Denny Reader is an ASLI artist who we feel needs to be heard.

#art #art saves lives #art saves lives international #art therapy #ASLI #creative writing #Denny Reader #mental health #mental health awareness #mental illness #poet #Poetry #poetry and mental health #psychosis #schizophrenia #Stigma #visual art #Wondering Whispers #writing

[christinamirabilis]

okay so today has actually been a fairly decent day.  managed to wake up just before 9ish naturally, made myself get up instead of going back to sleep, washed my hair etc.

i asked Owen to go to family planning with me cos i needed to get swabs done but last time i was there two years ago i was so severely triggered by getting a smear taken that i ended up really really unwell.  on the way, we realised that the hīkoi/parade for Māori language week was happening so we stood by to watch and tautoko, said hello two of my favourite Green MPs who were marching, waved to lots of adorable kohanga reo and kura kaupapa students who were marching and waving, listened to people singing waiata, it was lovely.  I don’t know, I just feel a huge disconnect from my country sometimes, I am not a “typical kiwi” in almost all of the ways and I feel alienated and adrift, and I despair for our future so much of the time, because there are some seriously awful people with seriously awful opinions and I don’t know, I know it’s the same everywhere, but I’m just hypersensitive and it really wears me down.  Anyway, I’m white as they come, but it brings me joy to see so many people who are so proud of their reo and their culture and their ancestry, so viscerally connected to each other and to the land in a way that I can never comprehend, especially precious because imperialists tried so hard to wipe them out.  And it reminded me of the only parts of my childhood that I look back on with fondness - hearing waiata that I hadn’t heard or sung in 15 years, to which I realised I could still remember all the words, it recalled being in a kapa haka group as a child, singing waiata and feeling like I was part of something bigger than myself, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, blah blah.  I don’t know, this is probably some pākehā bullshit to say but I just, I don’t know, in the absence of any kind of connection with my own ancestry - Scots and Welsh whose own ancestry is lost to me, who rocked up to New Zealand at the beginning of the 20th century to benefit from the violence and subjugation their countrymen had inflicted on the Māori and to further entrench this violence and subjugation, so hardly anything to be proud of - and with no emotional or spiritual connection to my identity as a white New Zealander... I don’t know, I have no right to claim any spiritual or emotional connection with anything or anyone Māori, and I would never presume to, but the feeling of warmth and calm that I felt while I stood in the weak spring sunlight with Owen and watched the hīkoi pass, I haven’t felt like that in months and months, and it was a comfort, especially given how anxious I was feeling about going to Family Planning.

Anyway, so then we went to FP and I was feeling awful, receptionist wasn’t sure if I’d actually be able to do my own swabs like the person on the phone said I would, and then I couldn’t find my community services card, spent ages on hold with MSD trying to get the number, eventually found it on the website just as I was called in.  The nurse I saw was super super super lovely, understood why I didn’t want to be examined, used inclusive language that didn’t presume me to be straight for the first time in my life dealing with health professionals, gave me the swabs to do myself in the bathroom, pointed out that my smear was more than a year overdue but didn’t want to pressure me into doing it, said that when I was ready I could make an appointment directly with her since I had already met her, and she’d give me an extra long appointment so we could take things slowly.  I mean, I still don’t imagine I’ll be ready to do it any time soon, but it was nice that she was so ridiculously understanding.

Later on I had to go up to uni to see my GP, because my therapist asked me to since I wasn’t doing well, and also to discuss the possibility of my having ADHD with her.  She’s really great - always listens to what I have to say and agrees that my concerns are worth investigating further, she was the doctor who finally got me a PCOS diagnosis seven years after I first started to suspect I had PCOS - and she gave me an ADHD scale to fill out and bring back to her, and asked me to get hold of my school reports, and I have an appointment with her again in two weeks and she’ll look it over and make an appointment with me to see the psychiatrist at Mauri Ora rather than having to be referred to community mental health, which means I’ll have to wait for a much shorter time.  I filled out the scale, made sure to answer completely honestly and really reflect on each item, and then I looked up the scale on Google so I could score it myself, as much because I’m a fucking psychology nerd as because I want to know if I’m on the right track, and I definitely got a positive score, so that’s... reassuring, tbh.  Validating.  I don’t know.  Just to know that it’s more than possible that all of what’s wrong with me is not actually my fucking fault.  But anyway, we’ll see how it goes.  GP also upped my anti-depressants and wants to see how that goes over the next two weeks, I hope it helps.

Found out as I was leaving that I have a test tomorrow morning - I also have an assignment for the same class due on Friday - and freaked out a wee bit because I am NOT prepared, made an appointment to see Disability Services tomorrow and emailed my lecturer to ask to sit the test at a later date in the meantime.  Both things that normally make me hugely anxious, on a day of already doing things that make me hugely anxious, so it’s kind of a miracle that I managed it.  But desperate times and all that.

And then my friend was supposed to come over and hang out this evening so I made cupcakes, but she wasn’t feeling well, so more cupcakes for me I guess!  And I don’t have any food here and only $10 until tomorrow so I’m going to need to go for a walk to the supermarket to get something to eat soon.  It’s 6:18pm right now but I know if I go into the metro any time before 6:30 it’s going to be insane, so I’ll wait a bit.  I really hate not having my scooter, but I have done quite a bit of walking today, and will have to walk there and back too, and as much as that is a huge drag, it’s also good for me and will help with the depression, so it could be worse.

Anyway, as always, kudos to you if you read this insanely huge wall of text.

#lottieface

[turkiyeecom]

Teacher killed himself over crippling anxiety after trekking Himalayas

A teacher killed himself months after suffering a bout of crippling altitude sickness during a trekking trip to the Himalayas with his wife, an inquest heard.Paul Connell, 33, was found dead at the bottom of cliffs near his home in Ramsgate, Kent, after struggling with anxiety following the incident, leaving his family a note reading 'Voices in my head. I'm sorry. Love you all x'. He was travelling through Asia with his wife Lisa last September when he was struck down by the illness at 10,000ft on the Annapurna range in Nepal, which affected him so badly he texted his mother Donna Ayres telling her he wanted to 'throw himself off the mountain'.Although he was airlifted to hospital and appeared to have recovered, Mr Connell and his wife returned home to Kent months later due to his homesickness.He was taken straight to hospital by his mother after landing at Heathrow after she described him as 'looking like a heroin addict'.The inquest was told he was in and out of hospital between February and March and had tried to contact his GP 21 times the day before he died on March 26. Paul Connell, right with wife Lisa, killed himself months after developing altitude sickness while the couple were trekking the Annapurna range in Nepal in October 2018, picturedThe former teacher, 33, pictured with his wife in Vietnam, began to suffer from anxiety following the incident and while awaiting treatment in Nepal texted his mother Donna to say he wanted to 'throw himself off the mountain' Mrs Connell, pictured with Paul, said she wants to warn others of the dangers of mental health problems after her husband struggled to get treatment when back home in KentMr Connell, pictured left with Lisa on their wedding day in 2014 and right in Sri Lanka, was described as a 'really happy guy' before the altitude sicknessIt is not the first time altitude has been linked with mental health problems, with Olympic gold medallist Victoria Pendleton previously revealing she suffered depression after attempting to climb Mount Everest last year.She said oxygen deprivation up the world’s highest mountain left her feeling suicidal.Meanwhile research published in the Harvard Review of Psychiatry in 2018 found people living in high-altitude areas of the United States are more likely to commit suicide and suffer depression.Mrs Connell has now spoken out to warn others to watch out for the signs of mental health decline.The 35-year-old said: 'Paul was a really happy guy, he had a great life and he wasn't suffering with depression or anxiety.'It was something that happened really fast, really intensely over such a short space of time.'This can happen to anyone, it can happen to the strongest of people physically and mentally.'Someone can change, something can suddenly snap in someone's head. You just never know.'Mr and Mrs Connell were travelling on a trip-of-a-lifetime to Nepal and set out in September last year. The couple met in Australia, pictured, in 2012 and married two years later. They previously lived in Vietnam where they worked as English teachers An inquest in Canterbury heard Mr Connell, pictured with his wife in Nepal, had not displayed mental health problems before the trek The 33-year-old, pictured in Thailand, initially recovered after being airlifted to hospital, but became homesick after several more months travelling in AsiaThey were due to spend two months in the area, but Mr Connell suddenly began suffering panic attacks and severe anxiety and was unable to sleep.While he was up there, he texted his mother to say he wanted to jump off. WHAT ARE THE LINKS BETWEEN ALTITUDE SICKNESS AND POOR MENTAL HEALTH ? Altitude sickness is when breathing becomes difficult because there is a lack of oxygen at high altitude.  Altitude sickness, also called acute mountain sickness (AMS), can become a medical emergency if ignored.It normally develops between six and 24 hours after reaching altitudes more than 3,000m (9,842 feet) above sea level. Victoria Pendleton struggled with depression after developing altitude sickness and signs of hypoxia while trying to climb Mount Everest, picturedSymptoms are similar to those of a bad hangover, according to NHS, including headache, nausea and vomiting, dizziness, tiredness, loss of appetite and shortness of breath.At high altitude, the body is trying to compensate for the lack of oxygen in other areas of the body. A lack of oxygen leads to deterioration and eventually death of cells. This is referred to as hypoxia.Hypoxia, a condition is known to affect Everest climbers, can initially cause confusion and poor decision and is linked to poor mental health.According to scientific literature, the initial mood experienced at altitude could also be euphoria, followed by depression. With time, individuals may also become quarrelsome, irritable, anxious, and apathetic. Research has found that rates of depression and suicide are greater for those living in high altitudes. In 2018, Victoria Pendleton, a former British Olympic, said she had suffered severe depression and had contemplated suicide after her failed Everest expedition. She later split from her husband.Her expedition in April 2018 ended when Ms Pendleton showed signs of hypoxia.     Mrs Connell said that her husband became so unwell so quickly that he paid for a helicopter to take him back to the foot of the mountains.The Annapurna Range is one of the most hazardous to climb in the world.The peaks - which include the world's tenth highest mountain, Annapurna I Main, kill almost a third of those who attempt to climb them with 61 deaths out of 191 summit ascents.In October 2014, at least 43 people died as a result of snowstorms and avalanches on and around Annapurna, in Nepal's worst ever trekking disaster.After leaving the Himalayas Mr Connell rapidly improved.He recuperated for several months as the couple moved on to travel in India, before he slipped into a spiral of depression and insomnia from which he never recovered.Struggling to sleep, Mr Connell flew home to Ramsgate in the first week of February, where he was rushed straight from the airport to A&E at the QEQM Hospital in Margate by his mother.She told an inquest into his death he looked 'like a heroin addict' when she met him off his flight.Mr Connell had counselling but struggled to get a grip on his anxiety and doctors were left baffled by his case because he had never suffered from mental health problems before the Himalaya hike. The inquest at Canterbury Coroner's Court found Mr Connell killed himself on March 26.Mr Connell met his wife in Sydney in January 2012, while both were working in Australia.The pair bonded over a shared love of travelling and adventure, and went on to travel around South East Asia before settling in Hanoi, Vietnam, working as English teachers.They married in July 2014, in a small ceremony on a beach in Vietnam, which Mrs Connell described as 'perfect'.They made their home in Vietnam but came back to visit family during Christmas 2017 after Mr Connell's elder sister Aimee was diagnosed with cancer.She died on Christmas Day, but Mrs Connell said her husband had been coping with the death.It was this that inspired the pair to go travelling once again - and tick some places off their bucket list including Nepal and India.But it was about six weeks into their trip to the Himalayas that Mr Connell became ill.Mrs Connell said her husband returned home in February after struggling to sleep. His mother Donna then took him straight to hospital after claiming he 'looked like a heroin addict' Although he tried to get treatment for anxiety and depression, he was unable to get a bed at a private treatment facility and was not recommended for specialist NHS services after an initial assessment Mrs Connell, pictured with Paul on their wedding day, said her husband continued to suffer from panic attacks despite being given medicationMrs Connell, of Derry, Northern Ireland, said: 'Once he came off that mountain he was the same normal happy Paul again.'He embraced the first few months of India, he was happy.'But when the pair were in Bangalore in January, Mr Connell stopped sleeping once again.Mrs Connell said: 'He just become so frustrated and anxious. Paul woke up at 4am one night and said he needed to go home.'I thought we could just go somewhere really quiet, but he just had it in his head he wanted to go home.'Mr Connell returned to the care of his family, but had said he would try and get better so he could rejoin his wife.However she was so worried about him, she ended up flying back to the UK five days later.When she saw him she was shocked by his condition.Mr Connell, pictured in Nepal, even tried to injure himself with a rock while in and out hospital earlier this yearShe added: 'I could see that he was still having panic attacks, and this is the point he started talking about dark thoughts.' Mrs Connell took him to hospital again, and said he began crying and pleading with doctors: 'If you have to sedate me, sedate me, just please make me sleep.'They carried out physical checks on Mr Connell, but could not find anything wrong.Mrs Connell said: 'We were hoping something physical would show up. Something which would explain Paul being like this, because this person was no longer the Paul we all knew and loved. It was like a different person.'While in hospital he tried to injure himself with a rock.He was given anti-depressants and sleeping pills, but the inquest heard that although he had seen a counsellor the day before his death he was not recommended for further mental health assessments from specialist services.Mr Connell said he wanted to go to a psychiatric treatment centre called The Beacon in Ramsgate, where patients are monitored closely, but there was no space.The couple went to Mrs Connell's sister's house in Newcastle, Northern Ireland, in late February, in the hope a change of scenery would help. The couple, pictured in India, also went to see Mrs Connell's family in Northern Ireland to try to benefit from a change of sceneryMrs Connell said: 'We thought it would be good to come back here and relax and have some quiet time with my family.'It was the first time my sister and her husband had seen him in a long time, and they couldn't believe the change in him.'It was like a completely different person, Paul was really anxious.'His whole demeanour had a really nervous energy, an uncomfortable look. His eyes were kind of glassy.'He had to leave early, as a counselling space had come up.The pair continued to speak every day on the phone, while Mr Connell took his medication, saw his therapist and spent time with his parents. However a month later he took his own life after making 21 attempts to call his GP, but his calls failed to connect.DS Paul Deslandes investigated the circumstances surrounding Mr Connell's death and told the inquest that two dog walkers found Mr Connell lying face down on the beach 50ft below.Members of the public attempted to revive him for 15 minutes before paramedics arrived and took over CPR but he died 25 minutes later. The inquest at Canterbury Coroner's Court ruled Mr Connell, pictured with his wife in India, took his own lifeCoroner James Dillon ruled that Mr Connell had taken his own life.Mrs Connell said: 'I think the biggest thing is to listen to someone who is starting to speak out about it.'And listen to what they are asking for, because they know themselves what they are capable of dealing with.' Helen Greatorex, chief executive of the Kent and Medway NHS and Social Care Partnership Trust, said: 'We were so very sad to hear of the tragedy of Paul's death.'Our thoughts and sincerest condolences are with his family and those who loved him.'We have, as everyone would expect, commenced a detailed review in to what happened in the lead up to the tragedy and are doing this in partnership with other agencies who knew Paul.'We will ensure that in particular, Paul's family are able if they wish to include questions to which they would like answers.'We will share the final report with both Her Majesty's Coroner and Paul's family.' For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see www.samaritans.org for details. Read More Read the full article

#breakingnews #killed #news #Teacher

[queerzaza]

submission

loooooong post, sorry mobile users!

I’ve followed you for years and always enjoyed seeing your posts on my dash, but never had the opportunity to message you. I guess I’m breaking a 3 year (!!) streak lol. This one is a lengthy multi-parter, so apologies ahead of time: Just a little about me. I’m fairly pragmatic when it comes to love. I met a kind-hearted boy at 20, and although he wasn’t my type at the time, something about him called to me. He was scrawny, ginger, and partially color-blind; and seemed like my perfect match in an odd, mixed up package. Like, he was perfect, but assembled weirdly. I’ll elaborate on that in a minute.

He drew me in and I ended up losing my virginity, and falling into a 7 year long relationship after the fact. I was happy. He spoiled me rotten and gave me every bit of love that had been lacking in my life up until that point. He was with me through losses, deaths, and moving across the country. It’d always been my dream to move to California; something about it called to me, and he indulged me with a reckless roadtrip across the country, with no prospects and little money.

It wasn’t until recently that things…changed. Not for him. He still loves me as fiercely as he did the first year, albeit a little more jadedly. (I’m not an easy woman to get along with.) What changed was…something odd. Here’s where I elaborate on earlier.

So, like I mentioned earlier, I’m fairly pragmatic when it comes to love. HOWEVER. I’ve always had these recurring dreams for as far back as I can remember about a specific person. It was always this red-haired boy with red converses who kind of lingered in the back of my dreams. His most defining characteristics were those shoes and the smell of the ocean. He was this awkward, insecure dream kid with a big heart and a thousand ideas about how the world worked. I remember him so clearly because he as a constant in my dreams. He grew with me, and changed, and I kind of had the feeling that I’ve been searching for this specific dream someone my entire life. As far back as I can remember, I’d been scanning crowds for a face; looking for certain attributes as if my heart knew what it wanted before my mind did. Even in past partners. My relationships before C were two weeks flings where, inevitably, I’d get off-put by my partner and find a reason to leave. They never felt “right”. never knew what I was looking for but I was always left feeling disappointed. And with C, his wild red hair and rangyness felt almost perfectly what I was looking for…. But like he fit incorrectly. Right piece, wrong puzzle.

Then, a few months ago, I think I finally “met” dream man. I’d joined a small comic fandom and quickly became attached to a small-time character. I decided to google images of said character and this man popped as a casual cosplayer for the character back in 2008. For some reason, at that moment, all those feelings of “not quite right” slotted into place and I felt like I’d found what I’d been searching for my entire life. In my mind, he was the boy I’d been dreaming about for years. Everything from the freckles on his right cheek to the curve of his lips was spot-on. It sounds so cliché, but I feel like I knew him. I guess it’s a cliché for a reason. Anyway, in reality, I knew nothing about this man except that he made my heart stutter and my soul ache with a familiarity; I wanted, NEEDED to know more. Anything and everything. Through a stroke of luck (and admittedly, more than a healthy amount of google searching), I found him. And literally everything publicly available about his life played out like a mirror image of my own, in reverse. He’d been with a woman very, very similar in appearance and personality to myself, he had the exact same descriptions as C (including the ginger and partial color-blindness, which was a very weird coincidence), and just… his nature. Down to his music habits and general awkwardness were similar to my own. AND THE SHOES.

I ended up telling C about him. I remember sitting C down and saying, “Look, this is going to sound batshit as hell, but I think I might have found my soulmate and I have no idea what to do now that I’ve found him.” Which, in hindsight is a weird and shitty thing to say to your lover. But C had gone through 7 years of hearing about my dreams, and must’ve realized I was coming from a baffled, well-meant place because he ended up listening to the entire story, looking at the similarities, and just kind of agreeing with me. He encouraged me to reach out to this guy to try and explain what I thought, but there’s no real way of telling someone, “Do you believe in soulmates? Because I think we are and I’d like to explore that, platonically.” I didn’t want to leave Ca nd I doubt this person would leave his MARRIAGE, so now here I am.

I know this a convoluted mess but I’m tired and just wanted to pour this out before I lost my nerve. I was hoping for your (or really, anyone fellow reader’s) insight on what I should do/whether I’m mentally unwell/do soulmates exist or am I projecting. That sort of stuff. I’m not leaving C. I love him. But I also don’t want to leave the idea that there’s something greater at work in my life, the idea of destiny. I think about ignoring this other guy and I fall into a scary, shattering depression. I’ve tried three times now, and everything loses color and food tastes like nothing. I’m at a loss.

Anyway, thank you for sitting through this. Please be gentle with me lol.

do i believe in soulmates? well, i think there’s a whole universe of things we don’t have answers for and this is one of ‘em. i mean, no one knows for certain if the concept soulmates is a “real” thing, rt? which means, it’s a matter of faith and you can manifest many things with tht on your side. what you feel in your heart is what matters and trusting tht heart is generally a v wise decision. 

personally, i’m with C. why not reach out to Dream Dude (DD) and see if he’s interested in being friends? the not-knowing has gotta be agonizing! plus, C’s supportive of it too. as to your second part, none of us tumblr folx can determine if you’re suffering from a mental illness. tht’s a medical diagnosis which can’t be figured out from a single ask. sorry dove. however…

i can say, the depression you report is disconcerting. it wouldn’t hurt to reach out to a mental health professional and discuss how to best manage your feelings/emotions. they could assist you in keeping the ability to taste and see colour. also, if your relationship is rocky, couples counseling can be a boon.

i hope you send DD a msg. just let him kno; this is wild, but he matches someone you’ve had reoccurring dreams about. tht you think the pair of you would make great friends as you point out things you have in common etc.. then just see where it goes. 

i also hope other turtledoves weigh-in to this post, but what i hope most of all is tht you never stop taking care of you and following your heart. good luck dove!

#submission #submitted by #hencemyname #soulmates #friendships #relationships #dreams

[schmirius]

why am I trying to make sense of this stupid episode, this show ended two series ago 

I cannot fucking BELIEVE* [*yes I can] that the show did an entire episode about a Mad Holmes Sibling and failed to address that Sherlock and Mycroft are actually also mentally ill like, oh my god, you are so fond of telling us Sherlock is a ~sociopath~ and here you finally have ~~genetic evidence~~ to back it up, and you’re going to spend 0% of the time rehashing your theme “but he’s a bit not good too innee?  INNEE?” to say nothing of Mycroft’s hilarious OoC squeamishness throughout.  like... this guy regularly sends people to black-ops torture prisons and starts wars when it’s beneficial to him; why is he squeamish about one-on-one murder, again?  sure, it’s “legwork,” but that’s a different kind of objection than “no I cannot do this thing ;___;”  And while we’re at it, why is he on team Sherlock’n’John at all? isn’t the whole point of his character antagonism toward Sherlock in the name of The Greater Good/controlling his brother’s every action?  why wasn’t he a terrifying (RUTHLESS, LOW-EMPATHY) villain rather than a victim in this plot – to divide the Holmes family up so they could all stay exactly under his thumb where he wanted them? (because Mycroft s1+2 was an antagonist who could hardly talk to Sherlock even as Sherlock was self-destructing, but s3+4 suddenly he’s enabling Sherlock’s fake death and shown at home and showing up to social functions and having love interests)

WHO made the writing decision for Sherlock to have forgotten that he had a sister? jesus christ, were we trying for a hip, low-key, “safe”/“you’re the victim of it!” mental illness here with THE REPRESSION?  because it kind of feels like we were. isn’t the unilateral institutionalization and perpetual solitary confinement of a sibling enough to, say, drive a wedge between a bohemian freelancer and a Machiavellian bureaucrat, leading to roiling antagonism as adults?  isn’t that the kind of event that would inspire an unwell young man to devote his life to helping the underdog in impossible situations of great power imbalance, even though he’s low on empathy and patience for day-to-day life in general? ???? it solves all your backstory problems for you and just requires Mycroft be exactly as unsympathetic as he was in earlier eps?

I will be reblogging Jim Moriarty gifs all week but jesus was he an unnecessary villain and plot component especially when you weren’t actually going to talk about I’m you/you’re me reflections of mental illness that define relationships

oh Euros.  I love you, because there are no fucking women characters on this show, and you moreover were the one who basically succeeded at agency. there were nursery rhymes and child murder but at least they gave you pants instead of a white nightgown. Mycroft’s intro of her and sketch of what made her the most dangerous madman since ever was maybe the funniest thing of the whole ep. “she self-harmed because she wanted to look at her inner anatomy” is a trope I’ve seen applied to Sherlock in no less than 4,532 fics.  canon Sherlock is painfully analytic and demonstrably self-destructive and we’re pretending like he didn’t do shit like this til roughly the month he met John?  l m a o, what a scary mad lady

Euros (I’m going to go with -os not -us because she... said it’s Greek) had a fascinating, incredible power that we FUCKING IGNORED after one second of it being useful to the plot which was that she can persuade people to do pretty much anything, just make suggestions so powerful they become brainworms, compulsions that must be acted on.  This to me suggests her talents are — analysis of people’s motivations and interests so rapid it’s basically intuition — clever, clever wordsmithing; an incredible command of language — being exactly as harmless-seeming as she needs to – but no more – to get people to consider her seriously (looking the innocent flower but being the serpent under’t) but lol, her interests are clearly playing Saw, kidnapping people and stringing them up, and making Molly Hooper cry

I’m annoyed that she got locked up for setting fires as a child.  Mycroft intimated like one episode ago it was because his secret sibling was a threat to national security. like, was he consulting with her (“she successfully predicted the date of two terrorist attacks by being on twitter for an hour”)?  why would she be interested in consulting for him and giving him the right answers.

her accent was even less rhotic than Sherlock and Mycroft’s lol pity we got none of her shamming at being other people like even Mycroft got a chance to this episode.

I’m just going to... reblog a bunch of gifs of Andrew Scott, who they couldn’t leave out of this.  I’m tired.  did Jim come visit Euros in supermax and then Mycroft threw him in torturejail at the end of the visit and then that was TRF?  what am I supposed to believe about where this fab cartoonish Jim fits into the timeline? I’m tired, lol.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #sherlock #the final problem #tl;dr #... #euros

[attendantdesign-blog]

New Post has been published on Attendantdesign

New Post has been published on https://attendantdesign.com/sometimes-a-lot-of-ugliness-lies-beneath-beauty/

Sometimes a lot of ugliness lies beneath beauty

In a small dingy room the courtesan, dressed up in all finery, attempted to gently untangle her hands from her feverish son’s grip. The baby’s eyes fluttered open, his fever-cracked lips slightly transferring as he pleaded, “Don’t go, Mamma! Don’t leave me!” “Please darling…,” the courtesan-mothers voice broke and although she bit her lips she couldn’t pretty suppress her sobs. With an effort she regained control, “I should cross. I could be back very quickly until then Bhaya will take care of you,” she said nodding toward a fat pimply youth with a vacant stare and a silly grin on his face, a skinny foamy line of spittle dribbling from the corner of his mouth. Bhaiya was the mentally challenged son of a famed courtesan of yesteryears; a made from some profligate stumble upon, the usual flotsam of such houses of ill-repute.

“Now you be a great boy and I will tell you a pleasing tale when I am returned and also sing

the fairy track for you.” She kissed her son on his brow which felt so warm that even though he did release her fingers she nevertheless lingered, concerning him anxiously. For a second her son’s eyes met hers and as he studies the concern and pain in her eyes like constantly he attempted to reach out to her even managing a wisp of a smile. Then out of exhaustion or perhaps just to interrupt the spell he closed his eyes.

  The door of the dingy room opened, letting in stray notes of a track because the musicians inside the huge room at the alternative give up of the corridor tuned and tested their contraptions. “Hurry up! They are all requesting you!” Madame entered the room and spoke in a noisy whisper. The courtesan checked out Madame with a mute appeal in her eyes. Madame frowned and then seeing the anguish writ huge at the courtesan’s face her face relaxed in an unctuous smile. “He might be okay. These fevers are ordinary in youngsters of his age. Come! They are waiting!”

The courtesan uncertainty accompanied Madame to the large room wherein ‘guests’ reclining on smooth

velvet cushions waited expectantly. Entering the room the courtesan, her head and face included tantalizingly with gold embroidered gauze, curtsied and lifted her upturned palm to her face by means of a manner of a greeting. Almost on cue, the song began and she gracefully glided into the room matching her steps and her words to the song as she sang in a voice that complemented her beauty. The assembled connoisseurs broke into gasps of admiration, swaying to the rhythm as their lewd glances gobbled her charms. At times there would be a short-term pause in track as the composition demanded and the courtesan could cock her head as if she has been trying to hear something, a far away appearance performing on her face. The connoisseurs made gestures of appreciation taking those nonpermanent lapses into reverie as a symbolic craving for the beloved, a position they appropriated for themselves in their inflamed imaginations.

No sound came from the room wherein her ill son lay for the moron with the vacant stare and stupid grin have been certainly primed with sweetmeats by using Madame to ensure that no discordant word escaped the dingy room. Snapping back to the present the courtesan could flash an unhappy smile setting pulses racing as the beneficiary interpreted it as the affirmation of his self-appointed role of the yearned-for cherished. Flitting from one gourmand to every other she fluttered her eyelashes right here, solid a coquettish look there, flashed come-hither looks at a person and shyly solid aside her eyes as he answered with a leer. All the at the same time as a seductive tune performed on her lips made all of the greater attractive by using the unhappy notes that welled up from inside her coronary heart. At instances, her eyes might swim with tears but this fuelled the passions of the assembly even extra, for pathos to has an aesthetic size translating into vulnerability because it does.

The mehfil got here to a cease as twilight broke.

The connoisseurs showered the courtesan with offerings, stealing lascivious caresses within the good buy. She in the end controlled to make a go out and rush again to her unwell son. It becomes right here that her passion erupted as she hugged and kissed the by using now stuporous toddler making a song snatches of lullabies set to the tune of sobs…

Just a day within the existence of a  beneath  courtesan… ugliness beauty

The pathos that underlies this beautiful but unfortunate wretch of a courtesan would possibly yet be a parable of cursed splendor. Why it rings a bell in my memory of this land known as Kashmir! A land whose verdant valleys camouflage the grimy red of congealed blood…whose lofty peaks put on a cloak of weary unhappiness, weighed down as they’re by means of the understanding of shallow nameless graves down beneath…whose dashing waters try to muffle wails of distress… whose children grew to hate each different and whilst some of them ended up as bloodied corpses and lie buried in her bosom, there are but others who pine for her in a forced exile…

Alas, the image perfect splendor of this land is only a façade…so very similar to that of the lovely courtesan

2) Your skin is your everything! If you decide to lead a makeup-free life, it doesn’t mean that you need to completely let go of all skin care products. Many skin problems are actually related to the excessive use of makeup; skin tone becomes uneven because of the reaction of your body on a foundation, concealer or blush. If skin problems persist, get a professional advice of a dermatologist; it’s better to treat the problem straight away than to put it on hold into a waiting box. Some other tips for the beauty of your skin include: use facial masks 2 or 3 times a week (choose masks according to your skin type), and exfoliate your skin regularly (we are not only talking about exfoliating your facial skin, exfoliate your whole body.

3) Healthy eating and water Good food is important not only for the beauty of our skin but also for the overall health of our body.

We are what we eat, therefore healthy and balanced diet should be our faithful, lifelong friend.

[atticusblog2016-blog]

New Post has been published on Atticusblog

New Post has been published on https://atticusblog.com/the-search-for-life-on-mars-is-about-to-get-weird/

The Search for Life on Mars Is about to Get Weird

MESA, Arizona—Since the dawn of the gap age NASA and other groups have spent billions of dollars to reconnoiter Mars—assailing it with spacecraft flybys, photograph-snapping orbiters and landers nose-diving onto its surface. The odds are proper, many scientists say, for the Red Planet being an extraterrestrial deal with for alien life—appropriate enough to sustain a long time’ well worth of touchdown very pricey robots to ping it with radar, zap it with lasers, trundle throughout its terrain and scoop up its dust. Yet against all odds (and researchers’ hopes for a watershed discovery), Mars stays a poker-confronted global that holds its cards tight. No convincing signs and symptoms of lifestyles have emerged. But astrobiologists hold to, pretty literally, chip away at locating the fact. As the quest will become greater heated (some might say more desperate), scientists are interesting an ever-growing variety of viable explanations for Martian biology as a no-display. For instance, may want to there be a “cowl up” wherein the tough Martian surroundings by some means obliterates all biosignatures—all symptoms of beyond or present life? Or possibly existence there may be in order that alien its biosignatures are without a doubt unrecognizable to us, hidden in the simple view. Of route, the perplexing quest to discover existence on Mars might also have an easy solution: It’s no longer there, and never become. But as the complaints of this yr’s Astrobiology Science Conference held here in April made clean, life-seeking scientists aren’t giving up but. Instead, they may be getting greater creative, featuring new techniques and technologies to form the subsequent era of Mars exploration. A SLUMBERING BIOSPHERE?

Talk approximately searching out Martians and you necessarily communicate about water, the almost-magical liquid that sustains all existence on Earth and appears to have served as a vital kick-starter for biology in our planet’s private beyond. “It all commenced out with ‘comply with the water;’ now not necessarily ‘observe the life’…however ‘follow one of the fundamental requirements for dwelling systems,’” says Arizona State University geologist Jack Farmer, regarding NASA’s oft-repeated mantra for Martian exploration. “There are many symptoms of water on Mars inside the beyond, possibly reservoirs of water in the close to subsurface as well,” he says. “But what’s the great of that water? Is it certainly salty—too salty for lifestyles?”

Without liquid water, Farmer factors out, one could naively suppose organisms can’t function.

The truth can be extra complex: on Earth, some resilient organisms inclusive of tardigrades can enter a profound, nearly indefinite state of hibernation while deprived of moisture, maintaining their desiccated tissues, however, neither growing nor reproducing. It is feasible, Farmer says, that Martian microbes may want to spend most of their time as inert spores “waiting for something suitable to take place,” most effective springing to life given the right and very rare conditions. Certain kinds of Earthly “extremophiles”—microbes that stay at extremes of temperature, pressure, salinity and so forth—exhibit comparable conduct.

No-Cost People Locater – Avoid Hidden Fees

Does a no fee humans locate exist? My solution is sure and no. Just the other day I shared approximately 3 kinds of humans seek fingers you could find and yes I did say there is the totally unfastened service but I also highlighted that even then you have to give up something – that can come to be costing you i.E. You email cope with and person name.

It isn’t always the sort of awful idea to offer your email and consumer name particularly in case you need to be alerted approximately the person’s whereabouts afterward but I can absolutely recognize in case you are seeking out an truly no fee human beings locator.

So how can you get preserve of one? You can’t, however, you could use multiple resources so that it will not cost you something.

First of you could use a search engine like Google and Yahoo, which give a human beings finder function that you can get right of entry to without charge to you. This way you can simply look for someone as you’ll look for any information. The only difference right here is that the consequences can be a listing of feasible names or contact details of folks that will be the one you’re searching out.Uncensored web search engine.

You also can use social networking websites to scan via a million profiles

Websites like Myspace and Facebook offer you unfastened get admission to thousands and thousands of people positioned all over the global. In just a click on of a mouse, you could find lengthy lost pals, loved ones, and classmates. You may need to personal an account with those services before you get admission to their database. It’s loose and smooth to open one.

Work/Life Balance – Is There Really Such a Thing?

Everyone talks about “Work/Life Balance” – however, the query is – “is there actually this type of thing?”.

In cutting-edge international everybody is so busy it is difficult to locate sufficient time in your family and all of their sports, a whole lot much less yourself.

Then we throw in the fact of today’s global – where everyone is attached all of the time and us by no means get any “down time”. Facebook, Twitter, electronic mail, messaging… And the rest of the internet maintains interrupting us 24/7.

Be honest – our cell telephones are in no way out of our hand. We constantly test it. It maintains interrupting our lifestyles. And we allow it! We could be lost without it!

Or could we?

What did human beings ever do earlier than mobile phones and the net?

They talked to each other in character. They shared their lifestyles with humans they truly knew – now not strangers they meet online. Strangers, or acquaintances they name “friends”.

Social media is everywhere. We are inundated with it. It might have its location – however so does out a circle of relatives and our buddies.

Throw in our jobs – which in many cases – because of cellular telephones – keeps us “working” 24/7. We are never ways out of the reach of our jobs and our bosses. We constantly solution work associated questions even once we come domestic. There is in no way any “down” time. Our “circle of relatives time” is continuously being interrupted with the aid of outdoor forces.

    Blame it on Mars

There are two sides for deficiency of sex; bodily and mind. When both of them or someone of them, it causes a disease within the mind with recognizing to sex. This disease may be resulting from Mars who is not well posted in a horoscope. It may not be to the extent of causing impotency. The mind and the frame both that are otherwise required to perform little useful works, waste time in too many material things consisting of appears, limbs and coloration. A person is attracted to the other intercourse of both too young or too vintage. The coloration, frame parts along with feet, limbs, lower back, breasts, face or something for that rely upon turns into appealing along with an awkward body.

There is not any discretion in getting attracted

He starts day-dreaming that lady in his bed. That a person is without difficulty provocative with the aid of slightest distractions. Mars is the reason for such disorder. Mars holds the important thing to sexual power. First Mars creates the sexual urge in someone. Then he separates the individual that is a reason for such enchantment. If separation isn’t there, at least He creates unwell-harmony. Mars is masculine. Venus is feminine. Just as Sun and Moon shape king-queen installation, Mars and Venus do it. A man or woman wishes Love.Since it’s miles positive. Because if one is happy in Love, that character concentrates on Work; Next on achievements.

When Mars and Venus are properly-posited in a horoscope, the Coitus is whole

That is the finest delight in lifestyles. When the Coitus is incomplete, the urge to get it increases. This urge due to dis-pride in Love, provide rise to distractions instead of awareness. Frigidity, Premature-ejaculation, Even Sadism which might be the causes of intellectual contamination are the results of such incompleteness. Love, Work & Achievement in one’s lifestyles cross collectively. Reich’s development of the Freud’s Libido Theory holds proper. This is again the process of the success of Sat, Chit, and Ananda ( bliss ). A suitable behavior produces a healthful mind; A healthy thought creates Pleasure (Ananda). For all this the advantages of Mars and Venus are necessary.

Adhyaya II, Verse 3 of Phaladeepika of Mantreshwara,[ Translated by S.S.Sareen ] reads like this : Mars is the Karaka of mental and physical power, all that grows in the Earth, nicely-being of the brothers and sisters, cruelty, conflict area, courage, enmity, kitchen hearth, gold, kindred, guns, thieves, enemies, zest, adultery, falsehood, manliness, big-heartedness, wickedness, wound and harm, and army command.

Huge NASA announcement

In a Horoscope, whilst the Mars is sick-posited, which includes dust hang, Kendra, on the grounds that he is a herbal malefic, or aspected by means of Rahu, Ketu, and Saturn, and/or Mars respecting those certainly malefic planets, theft, damage, wound, enmity, adultery, wickedness, mental and physical weak point, and so forth., display their presence predominantly within the lifestyles of that individual. Mars being Karaka of intercourse, adultery and mental weak point, the character is continually reverberating with the feeling of sex dreaming. There isn’t any purpose and rationality in falling to the opposite sex. One traditional instance of Yashodhara Charity, the queen there falls for a servant who turned into a horse-purifier.

[thesnapshotcafe]

Bride-to-be survival guide during lockdown/ social-distancing

Coronavirus brings us stressful time. We know our brides to be may need special supports during this period of time, so we put together some ideas for them. It could be useful for anyone who is helping out in the weddings too.

Keep workout and Stretching

Doing exercise helps boosting mood, self-esteem, increase energy levels, improve sleep, reduce the risk of illness, keep you fit and strong. And you still want to fit into the dress, right? You just need to do 30 mins of exercise 3 times a week. Use apps, online videos, guides to help you. You may want to find mates, perhaps bridesmaids and/ or maid of honor who can motivate you to workout together. See it a time to relax, listen to music, podcast while doing exercise.

https://www.facebook.com/LondonandUKWeddingPhotographerandVideographer

Keep healthy diet

Having healthy diet would boost your immune system. Is it 3 full meals or 5 small dishes would keep you going? Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Hydrate: 2 litres of water a day, consider adding half a lemon to your water. 2. Purchase: plan what you need to buy. Do not over stock. It is important to consume fresh food, and it is nice to let your neighbours to be able to get what they need too. 3. Balance diet: 40% carbohydrates, 30% protein, 30% healthy fats, with different colours vegetables, fruits, nuts. Avoid high-sugar and high-caffeine drinks. 4. Supplements: Multivitamins (particularly Vitamin D3 and B12), probiotics, super greens, and supplements like turmeric, hemp seed. You can find carbohydrates in fruit, vegetables, grains and potatoes, protein in animal products, legumes, nuts and soy products and healthy fats from nuts, seeds, avocados, etc.

Be aware of mental health

http://www.foreverlovewedding.com/

It is a stressful time, but you need to have enough sleep. Your immune system will be weaker if you don’t. Keep thinking ‘My original wedding day is today.’ or ‘I cannot be with my best friend on her birthday.’ would not help. It is ok to miss out, since it is all for the greater good. Imagine after this pandemic, you can enjoy your wedding day freely, gather with your friends and family you love. Hug and kiss them as many times as you want. If there is something came up in your mind made you worried, it is ok, acknowledge your thoughts, intentionally make a choice to linger to the thoughts or let it go. Relax, take a bath or nap. Ask for help if anxiety, stress or depression are affecting your quality of life.

Practice first dance

It is just something romantic to do. Practice posing When you look good, you feel good.

Maybe it is time to quit smoking

Coronavirus has mostly affected the elderly and people with “underlying health” conditions so far, and it’s now been revealed that this includes those who have previously smoked. Smoking suppresses the immune function in the lungs and triggers inflammation.

But you do not need to quit Chocolate

Don’t worry, you can enjoy a small piece of dark chocolate make yourself happy when you need.

Clean your house Fight germs and the virus. It is a great workout too.

Cook or bake something nice Create a little treat for yourself and your love one.

Watch news everyday, but do not switch it on 24/7 Be informed without building anxiety.

Keep distance, but do not stop socialising

We are human beings who need connection with people. Keep in touch with your family, bridal party, friends. Consider volunteering making phone calls to those who is living alone, the elderly and the vulnerable.

Work from home

We should it it whenever possible and follow government guidelines. Create an environment which will boost your work efficiency at home. Do not forget to take breaks in between tasks. Close your eyes or look at green plants from time to time if you need to look at screen often to work.

Keep in touch with wedding vendors

What if you need to postpone the wedding? You will need to notify your vendors immediately and ask for availability.

Keep up with the necessary changes

Search online and see if there is any update in terms of lockdown measures for your destination wedding, for example, is there any restriction for the amount of people who can join wedding? Do all the guests need to self-isolate for 7 days or 14 days? Are the flights still going?

DIY projects Pick up a hobby, rearranging furniture, you will find time pass quicker.

Be thankful and have faith

We all knowing this will not last forever. It worths a celebration that we have chance to stick together and care for each other as well as our neighbours and other people in other countries.

Be safe

Be aware of Covid-19 symptoms like high temperature, feeling hot to touch on next or back, a new continuous cough, shortness of breath or difficulty breathing. If you are feeling unwell and displaying any of the symptoms, you should remain at home and self-isolate for at least 7 days. If any members of your household are displaying symptoms then you should all self-isolate for a per

Keep on doing the best skin care routine Spots may appear if you suffer from stress or wearing face masks too often. Skin allergic reaction may appear due to the use of hand gel and cleaning products.

Be aware of hair colour changes and length You may need a hair cut before wedding day or you may want to consider to do another hair styling trial if you decided not to have a hair cut.

Keep you finance healthy It worths to spend some time to forecast your cashflow. Have a look at your spending, saving and income. Financial worries are temporary and should not affect your quality of life.

We will get through this. If you need further information or even just a talk, we welcome you to contact us anytime. Stay safe and well.

https://www.facebook.com/LondonUKEuropeEngagementWedding/

Bride-to-be survival guide during lockdown/ social-distancing 社區距離期間準新娘的生存指南

冠狀病毒給我們帶來了緊張的時間。 我們知道我們的準新娘在這段時間內可能需要特別的支持，因此我們為她們整合了一些小點子。 這對於任何在婚禮上提供幫助的人也可能有用。

保持鍛煉身體和做伸展運動

做運動有助於身心愉快，增加自信及能量水平，改善睡眠，減少患病的風險。 而且您還是想穿上已度身訂造好的嫁衣，對吧？ 妳只需要每週3次進行30分鐘的鍛煉。 可使用應用程式，在線視頻來幫助您。 妳可能希望找到可以鼓勵妳鍛煉的朋友，例如伴娘一起鍛煉。 鍛煉時可以放鬆一下，聽音樂或podcast。

www.foreverlovejourney.com

保持健康飲食

飲食健康可以增強您的免疫系統。 妳喜歡食3頓全餐還是5頓小菜讓妳天天精神飽滿？ 請記住以下幾點：

1.補充水份：每天2升水，請考慮向水中添加半個檸檬。

2. 購物：計劃需要購買的東西。 不要庫存過多。 食用新鮮食物很重要，並且讓妳的鄰居也能夠得到他們所需要的食物。 3. 均衡飲食：40％的碳水化合物，30％的蛋白質，30％的健康脂肪，並帶有不同顏色的蔬菜，水果，堅果。 避免高糖和高咖啡因飲料。 4. 補充營養：多種維生素（尤其是維生素D3和B12），益生菌，超級綠色食品以及薑黃，大麻籽等補品。 妳可以在水果，蔬菜，穀物和土豆中找到碳水化合物，在動物產品，豆類，堅果和大豆產品中找到蛋白質，並從堅果，種子，牛油果等中找到健康的脂肪。

注意心理健康 這是一個壓力很大的時間，但您需要充足的睡眠。 如果不這樣做，您的免疫系統會變弱。 一直想著“今天是我原來大日子。”或“我不能和我最好的朋友在她生日那天在一起。”無濟於事。 想像一下這場疫症之後，妳可以自由地度過新婚之日，與您摯愛的朋友和家人聚會，擁抱他們。如妳感到擔心，認知妳的想法，選擇除去或保留想法。 放鬆，洗個澡或小睡。 如果焦慮，壓力或沮喪正在影響您的生活質量，請尋求幫助。

練習初舞 做件浪漫的事。

練習擺姿勢 當妳看起來不錯時，妳會感覺良好。

也許是時候戒煙了 迄今為止，冠狀病毒已對老年人和“基本健康”狀況的人們產生了很大影響，現在發現這包括以前吸煙的人。 吸煙會抑制肺部的免疫功能並引發炎症。

但是你不需要戒巧克力 不用擔心，可以在需要時享用一小塊黑巧克力讓自己開心。

打掃你的房子 對抗細菌和病毒。 這也是一個很好的運動。

煮或烤點好東西 為自己和愛人創造一些小點心。

看新聞，但不要24小時不停看 需要知道最新消息但不讓自己產生焦慮。

保持距離，但不要停止社交 我們需要與人聯繫。 與家人朋友保持聯繫。 考慮成為義工，打電話給老人和弱勢群體。

在家里工作 我們應該盡可能在家里工作，並遵守政府的指導方針。 建一個可以提高妳在家工作效率的環境。 不要忘記休息。 如果妳需要經常看屏幕來工作，可不時閉上眼睛或看綠色植物。

與婚禮服務人員保持聯繫 如果妳需要推遲婚禮怎麼辦？ 您將需要立即通知妳的供應商並看看找不找到合適大家的日子。

更新限制 看針對妳婚禮場地的措施有否有任何更新，例如，可以參加婚禮的人數是否受到限制？ 所有客人都需要自我隔離7天或14天嗎？ 航班還有去當地的嗎？

DIY項目 開始一個新嗜好，重新佈置傢俱，妳會發現時間過得更快。

存心感恩並有信心 我們都知道這不會永遠持續下去。 值得慶祝的是，我們有機會團結在一起，互相關心及至鄰居和其他國家的人。

注意安全 請注意Covid-19症狀，例如高溫，持續咳嗽，呼吸急促或呼吸困難。 如果妳感到不適並表現出任何症狀，則應留在家中並自我隔離至少7天。 如果妳的家庭中有任何成員表現出症狀，那麼您都應該自我隔離14天。 如果症狀變得更嚴重，則必須立即就醫。 咳嗽或打噴嚏時要遮住臉和鼻子，這將有助於保護周圍的人。 每2小時洗一次手20秒鐘。 當妳想觸摸臉部時，請嘗試觸摸其他東西。

繼續做好護膚程序 如果妳承受壓力或經常戴口罩，面上可能會出現斑點。 由於使用了酒精潔手液和清潔產品，可能會出現皮膚過敏反應。

注意頭髮的顏色變化和長度 婚禮前，妳可能需要剪髮，或者，如果妳決定不剪頭髮，則可能要考慮再試多次妝髮。

保持財務健康 值得花一些時間來預測妳的現金流。 看一下妳的支出，儲蓄和收入。 財務上的擔憂是暫時的，不應影響妳的生活質素。

我們將度過這疫情。 如果妳需要更多信息甚至只是一個通話談天，我們歡迎妳隨時與我們聯繫。 祝身體健康。

#londonweddings #londonweddingphotographer #hinduweddinginvitations #londonweddingvideographer #londonweddingphotography #londonindianweddings #londonindianweddingphotographer #londonindianweddingvideographer #londonweddingvideography #weddingphotographer #weddingvideographer #weddingphotography #weddingvideography #indianwedding #asianwedding #londonasianweddings #londonasianweddingplanner #indianbrides #asianweddings #indianbride #africangroom #asianbrides #asiancouple #weddingphotos #weddingphoto #asianbride #hennatattoos #ukindianwedding #londonindians #londonhennaengagement #londonasianweddingphotographer #londonweddings #londonweddingphotographer #londonweddingvideographer #asianweddings #hennaphotographer #londonhenna #weddingphotographer #londonindianvideographer #londonhennavideographer #indianwedding #indianweddings #londonasianweddings #indiancouples #indianweddingphotos #indianweddingvideos #indianweddingphotographer #indianweddingvideographer #henna #hennatattoo #londonindianwedding #londonindianweddings #londonindianweddingphotographer #nigeriancouple #nigeriancouples #nigerianwedding #nigerianweddings #londonnigerianwedding #londonnigerianweddings #londonafricanwedding

[thesnapshotcafe]

Bride-to-be survival guide during lockdown/ social-distancing

Coronavirus brings us stressful time. We know our brides to be may need special supports during this period of time, so we put together some ideas for them. It could be useful for anyone who is helping out in the weddings too.

Keep workout and Stretching

Doing exercise helps boosting mood, self-esteem, increase energy levels, improve sleep, reduce the risk of illness, keep you fit and strong. And you still want to fit into the dress, right? You just need to do 30 mins of exercise 3 times a week. Use apps, online videos, guides to help you. You may want to find mates, perhaps bridesmaids and/ or maid of honor who can motivate you to workout together. See it a time to relax, listen to music, podcast while doing exercise.

https://www.facebook.com/TheSnapshotCafeweddingphotographervideographer/

Keep healthy diet

Having healthy diet would boost your immune system. Is it 3 full meals or 5 small dishes would keep you going? Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Hydrate: 2 litres of water a day, consider adding half a lemon to your water. 2. Purchase: plan what you need to buy. Do not over stock. It is important to consume fresh food, and it is nice to let your neighbours to be able to get what they need too. 3. Balance diet: 40% carbohydrates, 30% protein, 30% healthy fats, with different colours vegetables, fruits, nuts. Avoid high-sugar and high-caffeine drinks. 4. Supplements: Multivitamins (particularly Vitamin D3 and B12), probiotics, super greens, and supplements like turmeric, hemp seed. You can find carbohydrates in fruit, vegetables, grains and potatoes, protein in animal products, legumes, nuts and soy products and healthy fats from nuts, seeds, avocados, etc.

Be aware of mental health

http://www.thesnapshotcafe.com/

It is a stressful time, but you need to have enough sleep. Your immune system will be weaker if you don’t. Keep thinking ‘My original wedding day is today.’ or ‘I cannot be with my best friend on her birthday.’ would not help. It is ok to miss out, since it is all for the greater good. Imagine after this pandemic, you can enjoy your wedding day freely, gather with your friends and family you love. Hug and kiss them as many times as you want. If there is something came up in your mind made you worried, it is ok, acknowledge your thoughts, intentionally make a choice to linger to the thoughts or let it go. Relax, take a bath or nap. Ask for help if anxiety, stress or depression are affecting your quality of life.

Practice first dance

It is just something romantic to do. Practice posing When you look good, you feel good.

Maybe it is time to quit smoking

Coronavirus has mostly affected the elderly and people with “underlying health” conditions so far, and it’s now been revealed that this includes those who have previously smoked. Smoking suppresses the immune function in the lungs and triggers inflammation.

But you do not need to quit Chocolate

Don’t worry, you can enjoy a small piece of dark chocolate make yourself happy when you need.

Clean your house Fight germs and the virus. It is a great workout too.

Cook or bake something nice Create a little treat for yourself and your love one.

Watch news everyday, but do not switch it on 24/7 Be informed without building anxiety.

Keep distance, but do not stop socialising

We are human beings who need connection with people. Keep in touch with your family, bridal party, friends. Consider volunteering making phone calls to those who is living alone, the elderly and the vulnerable.

Work from home

We should it it whenever possible and follow government guidelines. Create an environment which will boost your work efficiency at home. Do not forget to take breaks in between tasks. Close your eyes or look at green plants from time to time if you need to look at screen often to work.

Keep in touch with wedding vendors

What if you need to postpone the wedding? You will need to notify your vendors immediately and ask for availability.

Keep up with the necessary changes

Search online and see if there is any update in terms of lockdown measures for your destination wedding, for example, is there any restriction for the amount of people who can join wedding? Do all the guests need to self-isolate for 7 days or 14 days? Are the flights still going?

DIY projects Pick up a hobby, rearranging furniture, you will find time pass quicker.

Be thankful and have faith

We all knowing this will not last forever. It worths a celebration that we have chance to stick together and care for each other as well as our neighbours and other people in other countries.

Be safe

Be aware of Covid-19 symptoms like high temperature, feeling hot to touch on next or back, a new continuous cough, shortness of breath or difficulty breathing. If you are feeling unwell and displaying any of the symptoms, you should remain at home and self-isolate for at least 7 days. If any members of your household are displaying symptoms then you should all self-isolate for a per

Keep on doing the best skin care routine Spots may appear if you suffer from stress or wearing face masks too often. Skin allergic reaction may appear due to the use of hand gel and cleaning products.

Be aware of hair colour changes and length You may need a hair cut before wedding day or you may want to consider to do another hair styling trial if you decided not to have a hair cut.

Keep you finance healthy It worths to spend some time to forecast your cashflow. Have a look at your spending, saving and income. Financial worries are temporary and should not affect your quality of life.

We will get through this. If you need further information or even just a talk, we welcome you to contact us anytime. Stay safe and well.

https://www.facebook.com/LondonUKEuropeEngagementWedding/

Bride-to-be survival guide during lockdown/ social-distancing 社區距離期間準新娘的生存指南

冠狀病毒給我們帶來了緊張的時間。 我們知道我們的準新娘在這段時間內可能需要特別的支持，因此我們為她們整合了一些小點子。 這對於任何在婚禮上提供幫助的人也可能有用。

保持鍛煉身體和做伸展運動

做運動有助於身心愉快，增加自信及能量水平，改善睡眠，減少患病的風險。 而且您還是想穿上已度身訂造好的嫁衣，對吧？ 妳只需要每週3次進行30分鐘的鍛煉。 可使用應用程式，在線視頻來幫助您。 妳可能希望找到可以鼓勵妳鍛煉的朋友，例如伴娘一起鍛煉。 鍛煉時可以放鬆一下，聽音樂或podcast。

www.foreverlovejourney.com

保持健康飲食

飲食健康可以增強您的免疫系統。 妳喜歡食3頓全餐還是5頓小菜讓妳天天精神飽滿？ 請記住以下幾點：

1.補充水份：每天2升水，請考慮向水中添加半個檸檬。

2. 購物：計劃需要購買的東西。 不要庫存過多。 食用新鮮食物很重要，並且讓妳的鄰居也能夠得到他們所需要的食物。 3. 均衡飲食：40％的碳水化合物，30％的蛋白質，30％的健康脂肪，並帶有不同顏色的蔬菜，水果，堅果。 避免高糖和高咖啡因飲料。 4. 補充營養：多種維生素（尤其是維生素D3和B12），益生菌，超級綠色食品以及薑黃，大麻籽等補品。 妳可以在水果，蔬菜，穀物和土豆中找到碳水化合物，在動物產品，豆類，堅果和大豆產品中找到蛋白質，並從堅果，種子，牛油果等中找到健康的脂肪。

注意心理健康 這是一個壓力很大的時間，但您需要充足的睡眠。 如果不這樣做，您的免疫系統會變弱。 一直想著“今天是我原來大日子。”或“我不能和我最好的朋友在她生日那天在一起。”無濟於事。 想像一下這場疫症之後，妳可以自由地度過新婚之日，與您摯愛的朋友和家人聚會，擁抱他們。如妳感到擔心，認知妳的想法，選擇除去或保留想法。 放鬆，洗個澡或小睡。 如果焦慮，壓力或沮喪正在影響您的生活質量，請尋求幫助。

練習初舞 做件浪漫的事。

練習擺姿勢 當妳看起來不錯時，妳會感覺良好。

也許是時候戒煙了 迄今為止，冠狀病毒已對老年人和“基本健康”狀況的人們產生了很大影響，現在發現這包括以前吸煙的人。 吸煙會抑制肺部的免疫功能並引發炎症。

但是你不需要戒巧克力 不用擔心，可以在需要時享用一小塊黑巧克力讓自己開心。

打掃你的房子 對抗細菌和病毒。 這也是一個很好的運動。

煮或烤點好東西 為自己和愛人創造一些小點心。

看新聞，但不要24小時不停看 需要知道最新消息但不讓自己產生焦慮。

保持距離，但不要停止社交 我們需要與人聯繫。 與家人朋友保持聯繫。 考慮成為義工，打電話給老人和弱勢群體。

在家里工作 我們應該盡可能在家里工作，並遵守政府的指導方針。 建一個可以提高妳在家工作效率的環境。 不要忘記休息。 如果妳需要經常看屏幕來工作，可不時閉上眼睛或看綠色植物。

與婚禮服務人員保持聯繫 如果妳需要推遲婚禮怎麼辦？ 您將需要立即通知妳的供應商並看看找不找到合適大家的日子。

更新限制 看針對妳婚禮場地的措施有否有任何更新，例如，可以參加婚禮的人數是否受到限制？ 所有客人都需要自我隔離7天或14天嗎？ 航班還有去當地的嗎？

DIY項目 開始一個新嗜好，重新佈置傢俱，妳會發現時間過得更快。

存心感恩並有信心 我們都知道這不會永遠持續下去。 值得慶祝的是，我們有機會團結在一起，互相關心及至鄰居和其他國家的人。

注意安全 請注意Covid-19症狀，例如高溫，持續咳嗽，呼吸急促或呼吸困難。 如果妳感到不適並表現出任何症狀，則應留在家中並自我隔離至少7天。 如果妳的家庭中有任何成員表現出症狀，那麼您都應該自我隔離14天。 如果症狀變得更嚴重，則必須立即就醫。 咳嗽或打噴嚏時要遮住臉和鼻子，這將有助於保護周圍的人。 每2小時洗一次手20秒鐘。 當妳想觸摸臉部時，請嘗試觸摸其他東西。

繼續做好護膚程序 如果妳承受壓力或經常戴口罩，面上可能會出現斑點。 由於使用了酒精潔手液和清潔產品，可能會出現皮膚過敏反應。

注意頭髮的顏色變化和長度 婚禮前，妳可能需要剪髮，或者，如果妳決定不剪頭髮，則可能要考慮再試多次妝髮。

保持財務健康 值得花一些時間來預測妳的現金流。 看一下妳的支出，儲蓄和收入。 財務上的擔憂是暫時的，不應影響妳的生活質素。

我們將度過這疫情。 如果妳需要更多信息甚至只是一個通話談天，我們歡迎妳隨時與我們聯繫。 祝身體健康。

#londonweddingphotographer #londonweddingvideographer #weddingphotographer #weddingvideographer #chineseweddingphotographer #chinesewedding #londonchineseweddings #chinesebride #hongkongbride #chinesebridehairmakeup #doorgames #teaceremony #chinesedoorgames #chineseteaceremony #londonhongkongcouples #londonchineseweddingphotographer #londonchineseweddingvideographer #londonchinesehairmakeupartist #englandchinese #englandchineseweddingphotographer #ukchineseweddinghairmakeupartist #ukchineseweddingphotographer #闺蜜照 #影相好去处 #海外婚纱摄影 #海外婚纱 #旅摄 #摄影 #婚纱摄影 #情侣 #婚摄 #情侣礼物 #情侣摄影 #情侣相 #香港婚纱摄影#海外旅拍 #闺蜜照 #影相好去处  #海外婚纱摄影 #海外婚纱 #旅摄 #摄影  #婚纱摄影 #情侣 #婚摄 #情侣礼物 #情侣摄影 #情侣相

[turkiyeecom]

Teacher killed himself over crippling anxiety after trekking Himalayas

A teacher killed himself months after suffering a bout of crippling altitude sickness during a trekking trip to the Himalayas with his wife, an inquest heard.Paul Connell, 33, was found dead at the bottom of cliffs near his home in Ramsgate, Kent, after struggling with anxiety following the incident, leaving his family a note reading 'Voices in my head. I'm sorry. Love you all x'. He was travelling through Asia with his wife Lisa last September when he was struck down by the illness at 10,000ft on the Annapurna range in Nepal, which affected him so badly he texted his mother Donna Ayres telling her he wanted to 'throw himself off the mountain'.Although he was airlifted to hospital and appeared to have recovered, Mr Connell and his wife returned home to Kent months later due to his homesickness.He was taken straight to hospital by his mother after landing at Heathrow after she described him as 'looking like a heroin addict'.The inquest was told he was in and out of hospital between February and March and had tried to contact his GP 21 times the day before he died on March 26. Paul Connell, right with wife Lisa, killed himself months after developing altitude sickness while the couple were trekking the Annapurna range in Nepal in October 2018, picturedThe former teacher, 33, pictured with his wife in Vietnam, began to suffer from anxiety following the incident and while awaiting treatment in Nepal texted his mother Donna to say he wanted to 'throw himself off the mountain' Mrs Connell, pictured with Paul, said she wants to warn others of the dangers of mental health problems after her husband struggled to get treatment when back home in KentMr Connell, pictured left with Lisa on their wedding day in 2014 and right in Sri Lanka, was described as a 'really happy guy' before the altitude sicknessIt is not the first time altitude has been linked with mental health problems, with Olympic gold medallist Victoria Pendleton previously revealing she suffered depression after attempting to climb Mount Everest last year.She said oxygen deprivation up the world’s highest mountain left her feeling suicidal.Meanwhile research published in the Harvard Review of Psychiatry in 2018 found people living in high-altitude areas of the United States are more likely to commit suicide and suffer depression.Mrs Connell has now spoken out to warn others to watch out for the signs of mental health decline.The 35-year-old said: 'Paul was a really happy guy, he had a great life and he wasn't suffering with depression or anxiety.'It was something that happened really fast, really intensely over such a short space of time.'This can happen to anyone, it can happen to the strongest of people physically and mentally.'Someone can change, something can suddenly snap in someone's head. You just never know.'Mr and Mrs Connell were travelling on a trip-of-a-lifetime to Nepal and set out in September last year. The couple met in Australia, pictured, in 2012 and married two years later. They previously lived in Vietnam where they worked as English teachers An inquest in Canterbury heard Mr Connell, pictured with his wife in Nepal, had not displayed mental health problems before the trek The 33-year-old, pictured in Thailand, initially recovered after being airlifted to hospital, but became homesick after several more months travelling in AsiaThey were due to spend two months in the area, but Mr Connell suddenly began suffering panic attacks and severe anxiety and was unable to sleep.While he was up there, he texted his mother to say he wanted to jump off. WHAT ARE THE LINKS BETWEEN ALTITUDE SICKNESS AND POOR MENTAL HEALTH ? Altitude sickness is when breathing becomes difficult because there is a lack of oxygen at high altitude.  Altitude sickness, also called acute mountain sickness (AMS), can become a medical emergency if ignored.It normally develops between six and 24 hours after reaching altitudes more than 3,000m (9,842 feet) above sea level. Victoria Pendleton struggled with depression after developing altitude sickness and signs of hypoxia while trying to climb Mount Everest, picturedSymptoms are similar to those of a bad hangover, according to NHS, including headache, nausea and vomiting, dizziness, tiredness, loss of appetite and shortness of breath.At high altitude, the body is trying to compensate for the lack of oxygen in other areas of the body. A lack of oxygen leads to deterioration and eventually death of cells. This is referred to as hypoxia.Hypoxia, a condition is known to affect Everest climbers, can initially cause confusion and poor decision and is linked to poor mental health.According to scientific literature, the initial mood experienced at altitude could also be euphoria, followed by depression. With time, individuals may also become quarrelsome, irritable, anxious, and apathetic. Research has found that rates of depression and suicide are greater for those living in high altitudes. In 2018, Victoria Pendleton, a former British Olympic, said she had suffered severe depression and had contemplated suicide after her failed Everest expedition. She later split from her husband.Her expedition in April 2018 ended when Ms Pendleton showed signs of hypoxia.     Mrs Connell said that her husband became so unwell so quickly that he paid for a helicopter to take him back to the foot of the mountains.The Annapurna Range is one of the most hazardous to climb in the world.The peaks - which include the world's tenth highest mountain, Annapurna I Main, kill almost a third of those who attempt to climb them with 61 deaths out of 191 summit ascents.In October 2014, at least 43 people died as a result of snowstorms and avalanches on and around Annapurna, in Nepal's worst ever trekking disaster.After leaving the Himalayas Mr Connell rapidly improved.He recuperated for several months as the couple moved on to travel in India, before he slipped into a spiral of depression and insomnia from which he never recovered.Struggling to sleep, Mr Connell flew home to Ramsgate in the first week of February, where he was rushed straight from the airport to A&E at the QEQM Hospital in Margate by his mother.She told an inquest into his death he looked 'like a heroin addict' when she met him off his flight.Mr Connell had counselling but struggled to get a grip on his anxiety and doctors were left baffled by his case because he had never suffered from mental health problems before the Himalaya hike. The inquest at Canterbury Coroner's Court found Mr Connell killed himself on March 26.Mr Connell met his wife in Sydney in January 2012, while both were working in Australia.The pair bonded over a shared love of travelling and adventure, and went on to travel around South East Asia before settling in Hanoi, Vietnam, working as English teachers.They married in July 2014, in a small ceremony on a beach in Vietnam, which Mrs Connell described as 'perfect'.They made their home in Vietnam but came back to visit family during Christmas 2017 after Mr Connell's elder sister Aimee was diagnosed with cancer.She died on Christmas Day, but Mrs Connell said her husband had been coping with the death.It was this that inspired the pair to go travelling once again - and tick some places off their bucket list including Nepal and India.But it was about six weeks into their trip to the Himalayas that Mr Connell became ill.Mrs Connell said her husband returned home in February after struggling to sleep. His mother Donna then took him straight to hospital after claiming he 'looked like a heroin addict' Although he tried to get treatment for anxiety and depression, he was unable to get a bed at a private treatment facility and was not recommended for specialist NHS services after an initial assessment Mrs Connell, pictured with Paul on their wedding day, said her husband continued to suffer from panic attacks despite being given medicationMrs Connell, of Derry, Northern Ireland, said: 'Once he came off that mountain he was the same normal happy Paul again.'He embraced the first few months of India, he was happy.'But when the pair were in Bangalore in January, Mr Connell stopped sleeping once again.Mrs Connell said: 'He just become so frustrated and anxious. Paul woke up at 4am one night and said he needed to go home.'I thought we could just go somewhere really quiet, but he just had it in his head he wanted to go home.'Mr Connell returned to the care of his family, but had said he would try and get better so he could rejoin his wife.However she was so worried about him, she ended up flying back to the UK five days later.When she saw him she was shocked by his condition.Mr Connell, pictured in Nepal, even tried to injure himself with a rock while in and out hospital earlier this yearShe added: 'I could see that he was still having panic attacks, and this is the point he started talking about dark thoughts.' Mrs Connell took him to hospital again, and said he began crying and pleading with doctors: 'If you have to sedate me, sedate me, just please make me sleep.'They carried out physical checks on Mr Connell, but could not find anything wrong.Mrs Connell said: 'We were hoping something physical would show up. Something which would explain Paul being like this, because this person was no longer the Paul we all knew and loved. It was like a different person.'While in hospital he tried to injure himself with a rock.He was given anti-depressants and sleeping pills, but the inquest heard that although he had seen a counsellor the day before his death he was not recommended for further mental health assessments from specialist services.Mr Connell said he wanted to go to a psychiatric treatment centre called The Beacon in Ramsgate, where patients are monitored closely, but there was no space.The couple went to Mrs Connell's sister's house in Newcastle, Northern Ireland, in late February, in the hope a change of scenery would help. The couple, pictured in India, also went to see Mrs Connell's family in Northern Ireland to try to benefit from a change of sceneryMrs Connell said: 'We thought it would be good to come back here and relax and have some quiet time with my family.'It was the first time my sister and her husband had seen him in a long time, and they couldn't believe the change in him.'It was like a completely different person, Paul was really anxious.'His whole demeanour had a really nervous energy, an uncomfortable look. His eyes were kind of glassy.'He had to leave early, as a counselling space had come up.The pair continued to speak every day on the phone, while Mr Connell took his medication, saw his therapist and spent time with his parents. However a month later he took his own life after making 21 attempts to call his GP, but his calls failed to connect.DS Paul Deslandes investigated the circumstances surrounding Mr Connell's death and told the inquest that two dog walkers found Mr Connell lying face down on the beach 50ft below.Members of the public attempted to revive him for 15 minutes before paramedics arrived and took over CPR but he died 25 minutes later. The inquest at Canterbury Coroner's Court ruled Mr Connell, pictured with his wife in India, took his own lifeCoroner James Dillon ruled that Mr Connell had taken his own life.Mrs Connell said: 'I think the biggest thing is to listen to someone who is starting to speak out about it.'And listen to what they are asking for, because they know themselves what they are capable of dealing with.' Helen Greatorex, chief executive of the Kent and Medway NHS and Social Care Partnership Trust, said: 'We were so very sad to hear of the tragedy of Paul's death.'Our thoughts and sincerest condolences are with his family and those who loved him.'We have, as everyone would expect, commenced a detailed review in to what happened in the lead up to the tragedy and are doing this in partnership with other agencies who knew Paul.'We will ensure that in particular, Paul's family are able if they wish to include questions to which they would like answers.'We will share the final report with both Her Majesty's Coroner and Paul's family.' For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see www.samaritans.org for details. Read More Read the full article

#breakingnews #killed #news #Teacher