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caffeinated-and-annoying-bard · 29 days

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i've been thinking of writing a stardew valley au of the magnus archives with martin as the farmer and jon as some misanthrope researcher living maybe on a flat above the library instead of gunther (perhaps he's researching the strange monsters that appear in the mines and you don't see nearly anywhere else in the world...)

if i were to write it, i think it would be fun to replace canon sdv characters with tma characters, wouldn't it? maybe sasha as maru, perhaps renting a room in the house in the mountains from robin (assuming i don't change her for, say, gertrude? eric and gerry could be there as well. perhaps the house is gertrude's but eric is her assistant– or her son and gerry her actual grandson– and has taken over some of the manual work with her aging, and gerry as sebastian?)

perhaps helen and michael could be there instead of emily and haley? trevor and daisy (julia is in a band now. good for her.) could run the adventurer's guild and daisy could be in shane's place (see: recovering from addiction/unhealthy habits as a parallel to the hunt) perhaps she'd be physically disabled in some way, that would be an explanation as to why the mines are not purged from monsters overnight (can you tell i love daisy)?? basira could be in marnie's place and helping daisy recover while she recovers herself? :)

tim and danny as sam and vincent, with danny as an older vincent but younger than canon danny, perhaps?? waiting for their father or mother or both to return from the war with the gotoro empire? (maybe he had always lived there, moved to a bigger city for a while and returned when the war started. maybe he, sasha and jon are working for the same long-term monster researching project. wouldn't it be nice if martin just came bumbling around one day and drastically started indirectly improving their research productivity with his sdv farmer endeavors?? the four of them engaging in shenanigans?? think about it.)

georgie could be kind of like sandy/visit from time to time from the city, make it a jon heart event first and then a melanie one. melanie could be an aggressive version of leah ("youtuber lives in charming yet spooky town in a cabin in the woods, has a successful channel and a podcast girlfriend. good for her.")

there would be different heart events suiting more the canon characters (maybe sasha's 8-heart could be her venting about how she moved to pelican town because someone tried to kill her and steal her identity, tim's about how a circus kidnapped his little brother as a kid like in that one statement, etc. and i'm vibrating like i'll break glass jusr by thinking of what to do with jon.)

at some point jon is sent by elias to the "my ex-husband took the furniture" quest and martin tags along for the fun of it.

i don't know what to do with harvey because he's my husband and i love him and i don't want him gone but i'll think about it. after all, i'm still missing caroline, pierre and abigail (although they could pretty well be mikaele salesa running the store with annabelle working and living there.) perhaps naomi herne should suit the harvey role?? she's peaceful enough to not make me angry for not getting to have my dearest harvey right there. she'd be a doctor, obviously, and perhaps michael could work with her as a part-time nurse? she's waiting for her husband to return from the war (evan herne was sent to the army by his family for abandoning the lukas jojamart family business and marrying naomi, but he'll come back, fear not.)

diego molina and agnes montague as pam and penny doesn't sound bad, and i'm seriously considering having elias be both lewis and the wizard. for the fun of it? perhaps everyone but jon (and later martin) wonders who the wizard is- he calls himself the wizard j. magnus because he's a pretentious bastard. (jon has been set in a position where if he reveals this he gets turned into a plant or something) and he's also the mayor of the town (his legal name is very much elias bouchard.) also, instead of the affair with marnie he has an affair with morris the jojamart guy (peter lukas.)

george, evelyn and alex could be replaced by julia and trevor– they could be softer, less hunt but still recovering from the same thing as daisy– and julia could have a petty feud with jon because, before she knew she was a lesbian, she fancied gerry and gerry used jon as an escape tactic. nothing came of it between gerry and jon but the incident stayed and it was very funny to everyone else.

jude perry could fit clint (and keep on her incel pining over agnes, have a petty feud with jon, because she burned his hand "accidentally" and also because jon is very good at creating petty feuds with people. martin and i both love that man), and krobus and the dwarf could stay like that, etc. and perhaps jas could be daisy's goddaughter that she's struggling to raise (it could be an event, her realising that she needs to pull herself together and stop letting basira raise her alone, just paying half the bills won't cut it– maybe they weren't even together before this and a year or two after her starting the path towards recovery they get together??)

perhaps for willy we could put oliver banks and mike crew there?? local lightning-scarred man is entranced by the vastness of the sea (+his goth not-yet-partner). local hot goth fisherman is so done with everything and just wants peace with the dead quiet of the sea (he rants about death to martin as a heart event, fight me). they should also be a little bit older, to balance the age range of people in town and also because yes.

also jojamart. i think it shoudl stay jojamart because i need someone to make a jmart pun somewhere.

if i should set elias as the wizard/lewis, peter lukas as morris jojamart, who could simon fairchild be?gus, maybe? god knows he's funny enough to be the owner of a saloon. it's funny to imagine his banter with helen while working busy nights there (helen i love you why does the fandom only care about michael.)

i don't know who else i could switch off but if anyone has any ideas both the comment section and my ask box are open :)

#val ramblings #the magnus archives #stardew valley #the town would be full of young-ish adults oh god #there's still peter (before he gets banished by the power of martin hating capitalism) and mikaele and gertrude and elias and oliver???also #basira and daisy should be a bit older i think. let them age together. also mike. mike could be a little younger than oliver but still!!!!!#and well. helen.#michael could be her younger brother and that's that #also simon #and uhhhhhh diego molina #and everyone thinks jon is like 10 years older than he is so #martin will be DELIGHTED once he discovers the truth #ah i'd forgotten eric #now that i think about it it'd be pretty well-balanced if i play my cards right #ah!! trevor as well

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randompajamaalt · 8 months

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siiiigh

well. Today is the day.

October 1st.

It’s Halloween.

and I’m about to assign every TMA character I can think of a Halloween costume.

Jon - Vampire, Velma from Scooby Doo, Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, or a cheesy “nerd” costume

Martin - Werewolf or Shaggy from Scooby Doo

Tim - Mulder from The X Files, Sheet ghost, Inflatable Dinosaur costume, Fred from Scooby Doo, or Sokka from ATLA

Sasha - Scully from The X Files, Safari Explorer, Jurassic Park worker(matching with Tim), Daphne from Scooby Doo, or Katara from ATLA

Elias - Dr. Frankenstein(matching with Peter)

Peter Lukas - Frankenstein’s Monster

Michael Shelley - Some obscure movie or book character

Michael Distortion - a door or the boogeyman from nightmare before Christmas

Gerry - A sheet ghost, a bat, or an alt music artist of some kind

Melanie - Sheet ghost, mummy, Ghostface, or Michael Myers

Georgie - Fancy witch, perhaps a cat. Or a Greek goddess

Basira - ..probably just a cop

Daisy - Werewolf or a cop

Jane Prentiss - A worm. Or perhaps a zombie

Agnes - Either a cheesy Jesus costume or an insanely detailed Artemis costume

Mike Crew - Jack Frost

Gertrude - Ripley from the Alien movies

Annabelle - Gwen Stacy from spider verse

Nikola - A normal human woman from the 80’s

NotSasha - Original Sasha

Jude - A classic demon

Oliver - The Grim Reaper, maybe a skeleton

Callum Brodie - Michael Myers, Ghostface, etc

Manuela - A fancy moon or stars costume, something cosmic and fancy and detailed

Trevor Herbert - Zombie

Julia Montauk - Zombie

okay… hhrruughhh… I think that’s everyone… hhhhhh…… I’ll probably end up updating this later

lmk if there are any better well known Halloween stories from the uk since most of these are american since well. I’m american

#tma #the magnus archives #Happy Halloween #yay #spooky season finally

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spacehorrors · 2 years

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tma review time

idek how many I've done at this point I think it might be seven 😭

I've been having such a time guys it has been very eye opening...... >:)

ok so I have sort of abandoned the recurring imagery thing because it was basically me going hmm there are some overarching categories these stories fit into I'll sort them in my head. and now they have been sorted.... by the podcast into the different fears lol. so I'm replacing it w/ character thoughts since everyone is a bit more developed now.

top five episodes

E129 Submerged - man. I'm still thinking of this episode like the fact the main character was already losing his home. and then the apocalyptic flood descriptions? very enjoyable.

E125 Civilian Casualties - linking what I said about the slaughter down below it just makes for such a good story with just senseless horror because it's just well. that could be you.

E124 Left Hanging - just terrifying times you know that sounds like an awful nightmare. was so scary and the image

E121 Far Away - I LOVE FATE AND DYING AND DESTRUCTION <3 it just ruled!!!

E138 Chosen One - what's there not to love in this episode agnes fascinates me!! I'm so intrigued by what made this ritual fail.....

character thoughts

daisy and basira. so I was originally a little worried there would be a blurry line between daisy has the hunt as a patron and lesbians being seen as predatory it was just like a thought at the back of my mind. but I don't think it's done that! all I think about is them atm <3 also whilst writing this I considered the possible that this line might not be clear indication that they're dating. I'm going to take it that they are though idc. I'm never over the bit when daisy was in the coffin and was like I thought I'd never see the sky again or basira like I'm weeping.

also individually I'm very happy for daisy I love to see her growth and it was rlly interesting seeing basira doing her own work but also a bit devastating that she needed someone to hold onto.

martin. he is stressing me out ok why would you do this. I know why you're doing this but also stop because how can you see that this isn't going to end well. you're stressing me out because now it's going to be too late for him to reconcile with everyone and something bad is going to happen 😭😭😭 I feel so bad for him though because I understand.

MELANIE!!! I thought the bit about her and the slaughter was interesting like the physical manifestation of her anger being trapped inside her etc etc very cleverly done. love that she is going to therapy good for her. hope we see more of her.......

jon. what is there to say about jon that I haven't already said ngl I did feel a little sorry for him when he got out a coma and everyone was different and frosty. um his powers versus his humanity is an ever stressful good conflict. love how he and daisy and basira are friends now!! his plans need to get better though stop chucking yourself in coffins.

things I'm enjoying/predictions

ngl the slaughter is one of my favourite powers the episodes are always horrifying like. it's just senseless violence! it is happening anyway! terrifying. love it.

the rituals thing is interesting I'm assuming there's going to be an eye ritual soon..... which I'm sure will go horribly etc etc.

so standing by my prediction that all the assistants will at least have a patron like ik daisy and melanie are recovering from it but they still have had one. still placing my bets on basira and the vast.

ik exactly what they're doing with jon and martin and let me tell you it is working in compelling me and driving me insane. also I miss tim :(

once again jon is grappling with his own humanity and once again I want to walk into the ocean over it. also I want to see the same from basira sooooooon.

agnes montague!! omg!!! hiii twirls my hair. I'm assuming she's very relevant because another power is trying to create their own version of an agnes montague perhaps?

where is georgie I miss her wouldn't she be so powerful against all the fears?? thinking many thoughts.

ok I think that's it!! as always send in some asks if you want etc etc!

#tma review #tma reviews #tma lb

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eyes-in-the-void · 5 months

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TMA SubTags: Episode Art, Characters, Artists

General Tags:

#tma, #tma fanart, #tma art, tma comics, tma text post, tma animatic, tma animation, tma audio, (audio), tma fic, tma au, meta, song comic, tma spoilers,

#tma season art/ tma episode art: pre s1, tma s1, tma s2, tma s3, tma s4, tma s5, scottish safehouse period, somewhere else,

jonny sims, (goddamnit jonny, jonny dug his own grave), alexander j newal, q&a, rusty quill (general, includes: interviews, rqg, etc), the mechanisms, (the bifrost incident), meta (theories, connections, background info, help from rq/jonny), tma quotes,

TMA Characters:

#jonathan sims (s1 jon, s2 jon, s3 jon, s4 jon, s5 jon, ace jon, autistic jonathan sims, enby jon, monster jon, moth jon, selkie jon, jonsimsandcats2021, eye jon, jon madrigal

Allies/Neutral: martin blackwood, jonmartin, georgie barker, melanie king, the admiral, what the girlfriends, jon and daisy, daisy tonner, basira hussain, sasha james (Archivist sasha), tim stoker, agnes montague, gertrude robinson, gerard keay, michael shelley, helen richardson,

Enemies/Antagonists/Monsters: elias bouchard, (elias bouchard has a punchable face), peter lukas, lonely eyes, not!sasha, the distortion, (michael distortion, helen distortion), annabelle cane, nikiola orsinov, not tea

#the entities: the web, the lonely, the vast, the hunt, the eye, the spiral, the dark, the extinction,

Artists:

everchased, roboomic, megzilla87, linecrosser, skyberia, ggracee, blueberry star, satturn, yesoksure, luftballons99, beansmakesart, yamiiino, dudeiwannasleep, tatumsdrawing, coralreefskim, honeycakelion, amarearts, lazyperfs, disasterzoo, reidspng, tolbyccian, speakerunfolding,

Specific pieces/ series: theyellowmistress (Great series of episode art), ashsweet (Cursed teacups), octos art (Cassette tape art), lescarnetsdehaku (Great comics), planplantsilus (Pixel art),

glowbat, cael does art, oceanbrine (gifs), (a collection of yearning), ghostbri,

Pre S1: Martin’s Birthday, The Dog Incident,

TMA S1

01, 02 (Do not Open), 03 (Across the Street), 04 (Ex Altiora), 11 (The Dreamer), 13 (Alone), 22 (Colony), 26 (A Distortion), 32 (Hive), 34 (Anatomy Class), 38 (Lost and Found- Vase), 39, 40

TMA S2

41 (Too Deep), 50 (You’re dating the cop? -no Tim, I- Won’t tell anyone!) 51 (High Pressure), 60 (Observer Effect), 67 (Burning Desire, You can trust me with the key to the tunnels!), 74 (Trophy Room) 79 (Hide and Seek), 80,

TMA S3

81 (Mr. Spider), 83 (I could be on drugs!), 86 (Blanket), 87 (Uncanny Valley), 89 (Jude Perry), 91, 92, 97, 99, 101, 102 (Melanie’s got a knife), 111 (Family matters) , 118, 119, 120

TMA S4

121 (Far Away), 122, 126, 127 (There’s a door in my mind), 128, 129 (I miss you), 131 (Flesh), 132 (Entombed), 135 (Dark Matter, Basira beats up Elias), 136 (Puppeteer- “Boo hoo, I’m all alone and a monster”) 139 (Chosen), 140, 141 (Doomed Voyage), 142 (Scrutiny), 143 (Heart of Darkness), 146 (Thresholds- Confrontation/Intervention), 151 (Big Picture), 152 (Gravedigger- “When will the Eye make me monstrous?), 153 (Love Bombing), 154 (Bloody Mary, Let’s Gouge out our eyes and Make out), 157 (Rotten Core), 158, 159 (The Last), 160, Scottish Safehouse Period,

TMA S5

tma s5 trailer, 161, 162, 163, 164, 165, 166, 167, 168, 169, 170, 171, 172, 173, 174, 175, 176, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 182, 183, 184, 185, 186, 187, 188, 189, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194, 195, 196, 197, 198, 199, 200

#Personal #table of contents #table of contents tma

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smolghostings · 4 years

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Me: *thinks about tma characters* *has Many Feelings about tma characters* *most of my own and my favourite hcs for the cast from other people are asian* *thinks about my own trauma and issues* *thinks about tma characters -*

Me: ahahahaha what do you mean I'm projecting of course im not - HEY LOOK OVER THERE *grabs my hcs and runs*

#look what i mean by this is that i have been drawing *consults list*#martin tim daisy melanie agnes etc etc #look its a podcast i can do whatever i want and jonny sims cannot stop me from projecting his characters iTS UNDER A 4.0 SHAREALIKE LISCENCE #fillipino!martin has me in tears ill have you know #i read about chinese!martin making dumplings and unlocked a primal part of my childhood psyche that made me Yearn so hard i made dumplings #extreme parental dissaproval? all tea every day? constant need to please?#i know that doesnt encompass chinese culture but im chinese so whAT I SAY GOES #asian melanie is just me trying to come to terms with my own personal fears about losing my sight #also i just need my angry asian rep please #daisy too #do i have very biased feelings against cops? mayhaps.#am i hcing daisy as asian bc of her character development from Cop to Not Cop and i need hope that maybe the cops i know can change too?#yes.#agnes? unreasonably high expectations from birth and not being able to realistically comprehend a life outside that?#but still trying so hard to seek out and develop a life outside of the harmful expectations set on you by authority figures and peers?#GEE I WONDER HOW THAT WOULD RESONATE WITH ASIAN TEENAGERS WHO HAVE BEEN LAUNCHED INTO CONSTANT ACADEMIC COMPETITION FROM BIRTH #THAT ALMOST ALWAYS LEADS TO SEVERE MENTAL REPRECUSSIONS #ill never know #also i saw someone make a throwaway tumblr post hcing agnes as korean and i will defend this concept with my life #tim? i just hc him as looking like tadashi hamada motherfucker thats literally the entire reason for me #never mind the fact that he also has a little brother he adores and dies in an explosion bc of his ideals #I HAVE MORE BUT IM NOT COHERENT ENOUGH FOR IT NOW SO ILL LEAVE THIS HERE #ghosttalkstoomuch

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buggiebeestuff · 2 years

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TMA Headcanons

Height headcanons:

Jon: 5 foot

Martin: 6'1

Sasha: 6'3

Tim: barely 5'2

Melanie: 5'4

Basira: 5'7

Daisy: 5'2

Elias: 5'6

Gerry: 5'9

Georgie: 5'4

Michael Shelley: 6'2

Michael (Distortion): 7'3

Helen (Distortion): 7'5

Nikola: 4'8 (Gremlin rights)

Annabelle: 5'3

Agnes: 5'5

Jane: 5'2

Elias has terrible piercings and tattoos from his stoner college days, like, he has a septum that he keeps flipped up. Tim or Martin snap and punch him in the nose. And there's way too much blood, and he's just like "oh, you fucker! You knocked my piercing!"

Tim and Martin partook in placing googly eyes over all of the eyes in the institute

Tim had a skater boy phase. He went with a scooter. He tried to learn skateboard and nearly died because he wanted do show off and went off one of the big ramps

Jon was a theater kid

Jon was absolutely disgusted at MAG 6. Probably threw up afterwards

Elias played the violin or the piano in high school and thinks it makes him better than everyone else

Sasha and Tim met in high school through marching band. Tim was percussion and hit someone with a mallet on purpose and got kicked out

Jon was in a college band, and he never wants any of the footage to see the light of day. Tim and Sasha find said footage

Jon is a lightweight and gets blackout drunk after like two drinks

Sasha is a role model for Tim. She does his nails, his makeup, and does impromptu fashion shows with him.

So, Sasha is tall, taller than Tim. Tim is very upset by this. So to spite, he says that he makes up for being "short" with his big dick energy, but Sasha roasts him right out of his false security

At the beginning, Jon was very clean and put together, then at the end he's this shaggy man that looks fifty years older than he is with wide eyes that make him look scared/cracked constantly

Martin has had a crush on Jon since they started working together, and he was like "oh hell no, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, why him?!" when he realized

Jon has Known about Elias' sex life, and he is traumatized and disgusted

Jon is afraid of losing Martin, to the point where he would stop everything, (statements, work in general, ritual hunting, etc), if he hurt him

Jon has religious trauma

Jon is a gifted learner with extreme burnout and he's a perfectionist with an inferiority and monster complex

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inklingofadream · 3 years

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TMA Characters as MBMBAM Final Yahoos

Martin:

[Is tea just gay coffee? (Ep. 34)]

Jon:

[What should I do if I dab on a hater but the hater dabs back? I ran into a hater today. I dabbed on them but they dabbed back. I’m scared. (Ep. 411)]

Daisy:

[Does anyone have the problem of croissants tasting like blood? (Ep. 421)]

Elias:

[Does Mr. Peanut need that monocle or is it just a fashion statement? (Ep. 413)]

Tim:

[Any bands that write lyrics about how difficult the job market is? (Ep. 423)]

Basira:

[Is it true if you take a cops badge that there not a cop anymore and your the cop? (Ep. 165)]

Sasha:

[My journey on this site is complete? Bye? (Ep. 476)]

Oliver:

[Does Anyone Know Where To Purchase And Or Make A Coffin Shaped Bed? (Ep. 83)]

Georgie:

[Apart from the well known book, “Ghost Cats: Human Encounters with Feline Spirits” by Dusty Rainbolt, what other evidence is there for the existence of an afterlife for cats? (Ep. 70)]

Melanie:

[If I get blood all over my tax return form, will they audit me? I don’t feel like starting over? (Ep. 521)]

Gerry:

[Would a lot of people watch a remake of Friends but the main characters are all goth? (Ep. 553)]

Agnes:

[Smoke coming from belly button!!? (Ep. 4)]

Simon:

[I’m bored. What do you do for fun? It is raining out also, and I am an old man. (Ep. 55)]

Mike Crew:

[If you could take a walk on the sky, would you do it with a smile? (Ep. 59)]

Maxwell Rayner:

[Is it normal that I eat my hot pockets in the dark? Update: Ham & cheese (Ep. 144)]

Manuela Dominguez:

[If I send a spear into space and it pierces the sun, will the sun explode? (Ep. 335)]

Michael:

[I know this sounds weird and stupid but, who closes the door when a bus driver gets off the bus? (Ep. 353)]

Annabelle:

[Can spiders have fun? (Ep. 155)]

[How do I raise awareness about spiders? (MaxFunDrive 2014)] (Annabelle gets two bc I’m love her)

Tova McHugh:

[If you die on an operating table but come back to life is your birthday changed? (Ep. 372)]

Nikola:

[Is it normal for a woman to arrive on a date dressed as a clown? (Ep. 97)]

Jude:

[Where does the fire go when the fire goes out? (Ep. 151)]

American listeners who misread context etc:

[How Brits can live in UK which is full of haunted house? (Ep. 134)]

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dathen · 4 years

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Between people getting harassment over canon-viable interpretations (like panromantic Jon), and people doing critical analysis of the text over popular headcanons (like lesbian Daisy), I think it’s time for a recap of what is actually canon.

I’m including all the sources I can remember, but feel free to let me know if I left anything out and I’ll update it.

Jon: Canonically asexual (TMA 106, word of god via Q&A, streams, interviews, twitter posts, etc). Had boundaries against having sex while dating in university (TMA 106). Canonically multi-spec (mspec)--has dated a woman (TMA 106) and is in a relationship with a man (TMA 160+, word of god).

Martin: Canonically mlm (TMA 117, 159, 170, word of god via twitter, Q&As, interviews, etc). In a relationship with a man (TMA 160+, word of god).

Tim: Canonically bi (word of god via Reddit reply, TMA 49). Had a fling with a woman that he wanted to return to (TMA 162).

Sasha: Had a fling with a man that she had no interest of returning to, and insisted she was “not the love interest” (TMA 162).

Basira: No canon sexuality. Called a man “hot,” but didn’t state personal attraction to him (TMA 52).

Daisy: No canon sexuality.

Georgie: Canonically mspec. Dated a man in university (TMA 106) and in the current timeline (TMA 85), and is in a relationship with a woman (TMA 157).

Melanie: Canonically wlw (TMA 157). In a relationship with a woman. Arguably may have expressed attraction to a man (TMA 86), but I’ve seen various interpretations.

Agnes Montague: Initiated a relationship with a man (TMA 67).

Jude Perry: Canonically wlw (TMA 89).

Oliver Banks: Canonically mlm (TMA 11).

Jonah Magnus/Elias Bouchard, Peter Lukas, Gertrude Robinson, Gerry Keay, Adelard Dekker, Annabelle Cane, Helen Richardson, various other minor characters: No canon sexuality.

Both erasure and imposing interpretations on other fans are shitty, and our ultimate goal together should be to be respectful and supportive of how other queer fans connect to the characters!

#tma #the magnus archives #tma spoilers #ok to reblog

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plasticoveredfurniture · 3 years

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tma character playlists

between the eye and the lonely 🔀 | martin blackwood

featuring sufjan stevens, mitski, keaton henson, etc

tattoos and arsonist tendencies 🔀 | gerry keay

featuring my chemical romance, destructo disk, mother mother, etc

maybe i’m losing my humanity | jon sims

featuring hozier, ricky montgomery, florence + the machine, etc

kayaking and murder | tim stoker

featuring mother mother, i don’t know how but they found me, marina, etc

blood on your lies | daisy tonner

featuring woodkid, talking heads, aurora, etc

i’m not a who, archivist | michael shelley / the distortion

featuring wallows, the smiths, waterparks, etc

false prophets | wtgfs / georgie barker & melanie king

featuring peach pit, lorde, bikini kill, etc

my only friend, the end | oliver banks

featuring the oh hellos, crywank, phoebe bridgers, etc

falling’s just another way of flying | mike crew

featuring of monsters and men, autoheart, half•alive, etc

arsonist’s yearning tunes | jude perry

featuring cute whore, declan mckenna, cage the elephant, etc

she’s a flame | agnes montague

featuring daughter, cavetown, sir chloe, etc

you think you’re in control? | annabelle cane

featuring the cure, banks, nothing but thieves, etc

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yourhumbleservant152 · 3 years

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Okay so I've decided the whole "looks like a cinnamon roll but could kill you" etc thing doesn't work for the Magnus Archives cause literally everyone COULD kill you

So here's what I'm proposing

Wants to kill you, will kill you: daisy, Jon (halfway), jude

Wants to kill you but doesn't: Tim, mike crew, Melanie

Doesn't want to kill you and doesn't: martin, Georgie, Michael before becoming the spiral, sasha

Doesn't want to kill you but ends up doing it anyway: Basira, simon, Agnes, Jon (the other half of the time)

Bonus group

Doesn't care about your death but will cause it: Gertrude, Annabelle

#bonus bonus group #Doesn't care about your death just appears with it: Breekon and Hope #Oliver Banks #its not perfect #but #tma #the magnus archives #magnuspod #jon sims

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bluejayblueskies · 3 years

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Your HK au post is so well thought out and I love it but as someone who has seen many hours of HK clips on Youtube, I am curious which cast members you can see making the most iconic mistakes. Who overcooks like a dozen wellingtons in one service? Who overcooks and throws away about 5lbs of pasta? Whose signature dish makes Elias physically sick even though they insist customers always love it? Etc.

oh i'm glad you like it!!! in no particular order:

- any time jude is put on the meat station, she burns the lamb. it's like a curse. she tries to make lamb for a challenge once before she gets sent home in an effort to redeem herself but she burns that one too. the night she gets sent home she burns three lambs in a row and elias sits her down and forces her to eat her burnt lamb at the chef's table.

- on the flip side, jane gets put on meat her first service and only puts out raw meat. she's like 'it's not raw it's rare!' and elias is like 'the fat isn't rendered and it's cold what do you mean it's not raw???' (she puts out raw chicken two times in a row and elias almost loses his mind)

- martin. i love martin. but his signature dish does not go over well at all. elias takes one look and is like 'this looks like you upended a trash can on this plate and sprinkled some chives on top of it. what is it supposed to be?' and then he eats it and spits it out almost instantaneously. martin's so nervous, all he can think to say is, 'it's something i serve all the time, people love it!' and elias is like 'remind me never to come to your general area of the country. zero points. next'

- poor gerry. the man just cannot cook scallops to save his life. elias is like 'they're rubber do them again!' and then gerry tries again and this time they're stone cold. the next time they stick to the pan. gerry gets kicked out of the kitchen, goes back to the dorms, and sits on the couch with his head in his hands like fuck.

- jon has mostly good services. but. his big mistake comes somewhere near black jackets when he gets up in his head about things. he slices a wellington, is like 'shit this is over' and is so afraid to bring up overcooked wellington or admit to it that he just... throws it away. he does this for two more before elias gets impatient and goes over and is like 'what are you doing??' and pulls perfectly cooked wellingtons out of the trash and is like 'these are perfectly cooked!! why are we throwing away perfectly cooked food!! you're better than this jon' and jon is convinced he's going to get kicked out even though it's his first real mistake in service.

- jared is the person who doesn't communicate at all. he either says absolutely nothing or gives conflicting answers ('two minutes on the fish' [one minute later] 'three minutes on the fish chef!') and likes to blame his communication mistakes on other people, saying that they didn't talk to him.

- mike puts up a lot of undercooked risotto (like... consistently) and eventually it gets to the point where he's put on apps and his teammate is like 'dude just- just let me do the risotto please' and in the cut-away interview portion, mike is like 'what the fuck dude, i know how to cook a goddamned risotto, get off my back' when clearly he doesn't lol

- tim has no palate. he does very poorly at all the 'taste it now make it' or palate challenges. elias gives him banana to taste and he guesses carrots. he gives him chicken and tim guesses egg whites. it's awful.

- manuela does the classic 'i didn't realize the stove/oven wasn't on!' not once, but twice in her time in hell's kitchen. she sits there stirring risotto over a cold burner for ten minutes before elias finally goes over and is like 'it... it's not even hot manuela!'

- agnes almost burns down hell's kitchen. twice.

- helen/michael (i think they would use both names, but i haven't decided yet) just can't remember the orders that elias calls out. he'll call 'two wellingtons one halibut one new york strip' and he'll ask helen/michael to repeat it back and they'll be like *dial up noises* 'two wellingtons, one- one tuna, um...' and elias is standing there like 😐

- in all of oliver's time in hell's kitchen, elias doesn't like a single original dish he does for any of the challenges. oliver, in his cut-away interviews, is like 'well, clearly he just doesn't recognize talent' when quote-unquote 'talent' is like... two weirdly butchered overcooked fillets and pomegranate mint pink peppercorn sauce.

- daisy sends up so much raw fish. the kind that elias slams down on the table and smushes beneath his hand because he's so frustrated. she has basira check it, basira says it's not ready, and for some reason she walks it up anyway. once (and only once) she sends up overcooked fish and elias is like 'finally, some fucking variety in your mistakes'

- julia talks back to elias, and when she gets cut, she says right to his face, 'you're making a huge mistake and you'll regret it' and then stomps away just to stomp right back when he says, a bit snidely, 'get out of my fucking kitchen.' she is escorted away by security. everyone else is like 😳🤐 it is silent in that room.

- basira is extremely meticulous in her cooking. this also makes her a very slow chef who tends to get in her head as a way to cope with the insanity of the kitchen around her. she'll often be like a brick wall when people try to talk to her and then pick up a pan and say 'walking scallops to the pass!' when the risotto still has three minutes to go.

- naomi is the unfortunate pasta-waster. she also basically falls apart on garnish, sends up raw eggplant three times in a row, can never remember what garnish goes with which thing. when they're prepping the kitchen she's standing with a little list trying to remember what goes in each dish.

- sasha is... not very good in the beginning, but around episode three there's such a sudden shift in her cooking that people swear she's not the same person anymore. the main way sasha avoids elimination in the beginning is her team not losing dinner services, despite the fact that she sends up near-consistent rubber scallops and salty risotto. the audience is surprised when she's in the final four, but she says in the cut-away interview, 'i just realized what i needed to do and i did it. i'm a different chef right now than i was when i came here, that's for sure'

- georgie once butchers thirty racks of lamb incorrectly during prep and they have to throw all of them away. she also has a tendency to struggle with cutting lamb and is often like 'melanie, just. can you do this for me' because melanie is frighteningly good at cutting meat in one slice.

- melanie is the contestant who gets in arguments with nearly everybody all the time but then next episode is friends with them again. this happens sometimes in the span of five minutes with jon, and people just cannot decide if they're friends or not. (they are.) she also makes a signature dish that elias refuses to eat because her steak is so raw it's 'still mooing' and she's like 'well if he'd just tasted it he'd know that my flavors were good.'

- jordan drops an entire pan of wellingtons. ten wellingtons just. rolling all over the floor. elias is furious and he has to go over to the other kitchen, borrow some wellingtons, and apologize to the other diners for the now-thirty minute wait time. then, he has jordan go out and apologize directly. jordan's cut-away interview is just him hanging his head and whispering, 'fuck me'

#ask #anon #tma hk au #i am so glad that people like this au!!#i thought it might be too obscure/weird haha #(i've also never watched the mistake compilations only a few full seasons so i'm drawing off of what i've seen so far!)#which is mostly 'stone-cold' and 'rubber' yelled ad nauseam lol

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rosy-cheekx · 3 years

Text

Heat Without Warmth, Light Without Sight

This fic is for the @tma-valentines-exchange and was written for @barnabasbennett (pretty sure, at least!) AO3 link is in the source! Based on the prompt: rewrite episode 159 to feature Tim and Archivist!Sasha.

I’ve been waiting SO LONG to post this! I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Chapter One: Embers

The archives are quiet. So quiet. Sasha can hear the tick of the clock on her desk and the hum of the radiator she had brought in so many months ago, back when her biggest concern was how cold her Archivist office was. Before the idea of heat reminded her of Tim in oh-so-many painful ways.

The Unknowing had been…bad. Daisy had been imprisoned in The Choke, Sasha left unconscious and Basira forever changed. She had seen it, she told Sasha later, the way Tim had stood amidst the rubble of plastic mannequins and brick and mortar, unscathed as smoke billowed into the sky, silhouetted in greys and blacks. It was terrifying, she said, in a completely different way than the Unknowing had been. Basira described Tim as unstoppable in that moment, a train bulleting towards destruction and revenge, a rage in his eyes that only intensified when he saw the unconscious form of Sasha James, bruised and lying in the rubble.

In Sasha’s six-month coma, she had missed a lot. Martin had explained things to her; a sad compassion in his eyes as he stirred sugar into tea. Tim had fallen to the Desolation, The Cult of The Lightless Flame calling him home after they had heard about his sudden resilience to heat and flame. It made sense. Tim had experienced so much loss and destruction in his life, losing Danny and Jon (and, temporarily, Sasha) due to the machinations of The Stranger. His connection to the Desolation had probably been growing when none of them, not even Tim, had noticed. Sasha tried reaching out to him; Tim was still employed by the Magnus Institute after all, but he was sullen at his desk, the air around him smelling faintly of burnt hair and the iced coffees he used to love now simmering slightly in his mug. Sasha didn’t think he could’ve been any more withdrawn than he had been in the ramp up to stopping the Stranger. But here he was, prickly and cold and altogether uninterested in Sasha’s attempts to reconnect with him.

Sasha unfolds the letter, singed at the corners. She must have just missed him. Again. Her heart pounds in her chest as she reads the words, written the slanted, neat print she knew so well.

Sasha,

If nothing else, I will miss you. But that loss is essential, Jude says, to feeding the spark that binds us all. They think Agnes Montague’s spark passed to me when I decided my loss of life was more important than the survival of The Stranger and their ritual. Something about total commitment to pain, self-destruction, etc. There is some satisfaction in knowing how unhappy they are about it, especially Jude. I think she really wanted to be special. You’d hate her. Maybe it’s cliché, but I don’t think I’m coming back from this. It all began, and it all must end. Who knows? Maybe I’ll finally be able to quit.

I You are truly unforgettable, boss,

Tim.

Sasha had seen so many of the people she loved fall to the fears of this world in which they find themselves trapped. The loss of Jon had come first, when the thing that Was Certainly Not Jon had stolen him away under their noses. This discovery had come with the loss of the heart of their office: Martin. Realizing he had been in love with a lie had broken something in him, and while Sasha did her best to show him compassion, she couldn’t imagine going through it all in his place. The nature of Gertrude’s death had shocked her; Sasha had known her, had seen such a strong woman she had been. To see (or rather hear) her death reduced to a few cowardly gunshots felt…inadequate. Daisy had become softer after surviving the Buried, kinder to Sasha, but there the Hunt was still there, deep in her. Basira and Melanie were fine, but evasive, suspicious, too eager to wield a knife. And now?

Sasha had no friends, no one she could truly trust, no one left besides Tim. She hadn’t stopped trying to care for him, to make herself available, but she refused to keep her heart open for someone so clearly eager to move away from it all, even if that was motivated by a cult of fire and destruction and pain. But that love she had for Timothy Stoker was still there, the idiot who took her out for drinks and dressed up as her once for April Fool’s and had them all over for Guy Fawkes Day (should she had guessed it then, his eyes illuminated by the pyre, drinking in the light and heat of the flames?) and insisted he cook for everyone whenever he got the chance.

Eyes sweeping over the letter over and over, she read the words, trying to hear each of them in his voice, feeling something in her gut twist as she read her name is his handwriting, in his voice, over and over. Tim had said it so many ways: with mirth, frustration, exhaustion, and warmth. There was still so much left to say. There were so many more ways for him to say her name, and Sasha wanted to hear them all.

This letter? This would not be the last time he said her name. Sasha James, the Archivist, would make damn sure of that.

Sasha is hurrying through the Institute when she almost collides with Elias Bouchard. His hair is unkempt, shaggy from his time in prison, but he is dressed immaculately, black dress shirt rolled to his elbows and a tie that seemed to shimmer yellow-green when it catches the light.

“You-Elias, what the hell?” Sasha takes an involuntary step back, hand ghosting to the letter opener she had instinctively tucked into her waistband.

“Save the effort, Archivist. I’m only here to help, after all. My sources say Tim has left?”

“Sources?” Sasha spits the word, fingers resting against the mottled blue handle of the blade. “Please. There’s no need to hide what you are anymore, Elias.”

“Hmm, very well.” His fingers drum patiently on his jaw, one elbow elegantly balanced on the opposite wrist. He looks too calm, too relaxed for the anxiety and anger thrumming its way through Sasha’s chest. “So, you don’t want to know where he’s gone?” Fuck. Elias’s eyebrow arches expectantly, eyes staring past her as he focused on what she could now recognize as what she called the Knowledge.

“Elias Bouchard, t̶̡̟̲͓̩̜̣͕͇̟̱͉̹̽̋̑̑̅̊͒́̔̂͠ͅe̶̝͍̜̲̘̙̤̰̬̞͒͗l̴̛͕̜̟̟̰͑̿̎̎́͛͌̽̆͆̓̋̾l̴̟̤͚͉͔̼̄̈́̆̌̏̇͝ ̷͖̙̠͕̜̮̬̟̝̰̫͍̆ṁ̶̨̗̮͍̖͍͖̱̟̍̽͜͝e̴̗̩͒̈́͛̊̽́̿ ̷̧̨̡̦̻̙͎̬̪̞͕͙͖̓͂͂͂͂̊̔̊̕̚͜w̴͈̖̦̒̾̀̽͑̓̑̎̂̇͗̂͒ḩ̸̩̺͎̤̳̰̘̱̣̍ę̵̫͚̖́̇͜r̷̢̘͍̣͚̠͚̫̦̭͌ͅͅͅẻ̵͓͖̆̀̒ ̵͇͕̱̬̻̖͔̲͇͇͊̓͊́̽̍̋̓̈́̎̿̆̕͘͝h̷̨̡̧̨̻̝̲̱̬̻͙̻͋́͒̈͆͛͛̒͂̉̈́̎͜e̴̡̪͓̘̳͇͙̪̠̳͈͔̳͕͗̓̉̎ ̵̢̡̟͍̬͖͔͎̹͇̞͗̓́́i̶̲̬̰͙̖̘̮̠̘̜̙̗̍̈́̀̌̔͌̊͋́̍͌̑̚͝s̶̞̱̥͚̽̔̏͠͝.”

Her voice echoes with persuasion, the smooth words rolling off her tongue before she could consider it. Elias sighs, seeming almost tired with her. “He’s in the Desolation.” Elias sighs, seeming almost tired with her. “Honestly, Sasha, I would have told you without you needing to ask like that.”

She tunes him out, her own Knowing searching for Tim and landing her only with a burning inside her skull. She hisses her pain through her teeth and focuses back on Elias, who seems almost amused.

God, what a bastard. “Ȟ̶̡̱͈̖̱̱̱̤̮̖̳̬̆̿͐͛̾́͗͠͝͝ͅͅo̷̡͎̙̓͗̋̂͊̏̏̅̚͘͝ẅ̶̢̨̧̝̖͚̦̱̟̹̼͕͌͌͌̋̒̆͑̈́̓͛͠ ̶̱̩̜̖̫̼̰̐d̴̢͈͍̗̱̀̉̽͋o̷̢̡̫͈̼̺̹̩̥͕͕͘̕ ̵̢̭̦͍̬͖̪̹͍̬̝͝I̶͕̥̱̤̽̿̃̃̂͐̔͒̒̇̆͗̚̕ ̴̛̞̜̘̥͓̙̗̫̰̙̼̝̀͗͋̊́̕ḡ̴͈͈̗̜̦̇͐̏̿̾̅́̆̎̂̊̕͠e̷̡̡̲̘̞̟̤̗͓̺̱̣̘͐̆̈́̔̎̃͋́ṯ̶̨̺̜̪̺̼̼̟̽̽̍̾̊́͊́̒̕͘ ̵̢͔̟͈̘͚̫̩̭͑̃͘ͅt̸̪̊͛̽̀͒h̴̘̫̖̤̜͕̻̺̯̼̦̟͔̋̍̋̈̌̃͐̈́̍̋e̶̢̛͚͉͕͓̪̖̘͖͇͇̫̲͉̐̀̈́̋̄̃̆̽̃̍͊̓ͅr̵̨͍͖̜͕͈̱̤̤̭͈̳̯̜͈̆͒̾̎̓̓̀̐̈̀̂̉̕͠e̴̦̱̺͓̝͕̥͔̮̓͐͛̚?̸̛̝̞̦͈̦̿͐͌̂̌̆͂̆̔̋͗͒̊”

“Honestly, Sasha, you’re wearing yourself out. Timothy and Jude just left. They were in the library; I’m sure you can follow them. Let your mind follow theirs. Find the right string, if the Mother will pardon my analogy, and pull it. I’m sure they left the door open for you.” He winks, as if enjoying a private joke, and turns on a polished leather shoe, striding towards the Archives with purpose.

Sasha redirects her course and hurries to the library. Is this a trap? Almost definitely. But honestly, she doesn’t care. Rosie, head of the institute while Elias had been “previously occupied," had been the last to leave the Institute, Sasha Knew as she ran, clocking out at 18:02. The librarians and assistants were gone. It was just her. Well, she and Elias, certainly. She was already a pawn in this fourteen-way game of chess; she may as well take down some bishops if this was going to be her end. She has never met Jude Perry, but Tim was right about one thing: she certainly already hated her.

In the library, Sasha halts in the doorway, taking in the scene in front of her. The heat is excruciating on her cheeks as she sees a blazed trail of singed books, paper, and manuscripts. The burning in her face and soul is caused not by any fire, but by the sheer anger that someone dared mar her memories of this library, where she had met so many of the people she loves. Loved. No, loves, she decided with certainty. Jon is gone, the true memory of him lost to everything but the errant polaroid, Martin is all but gone, a shell of the warm man they had known, and Tim is just out of reach. But despite all this, maybe in sheer spite of everything they’ve been through, Sasha still present-tense loves each of them.

It is that love, she thinks, that guides her now, more so than the omniscient Eye that paves her way to the Desolation, the scar on reality widening and opening for her before it swallows her whole, the library crumbling into ash around her.

One way or another, she was going to end this.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fanfic #tma valentines exchange 2021 #timsasha #archivist sasha #desolation tim #fanfic #sasha james #tim stoker #fanfic to a tea

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magnusarchivesultimateshipweek · 3 years

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RULES

No discrimination of any sorts is allowed in this event. It can and will get you kicked

It's just the two of us, and we're running this in the spare time we have, so please be patient with us

Be respectful to each other as well-- we want this to be a fun event for all! This includes moving channels if necessary and spoiler-tagging content when asked. Swearing is a-okay though!

No season five spoilers outside of our special season five discussion channel!This includes spoiler tagging any spoilers for the newest episode!

No smut will be allowed for this event. You can have suggestive lines, i.e. a "fade to black", but no explicit sexual activity is allowed. We also do not allow incest relationships nor age gaps (Elias/Jon, Martin/Peter Lukas, etc) in this event.

We use pluralkit here. This is a bot for systems, so please be respectful to anyone using the bot as well.

CALENDAR

February 23: Event Announced!

March 1: Discord Opens!

March 14-20: TMA Ultimate Ship Week!

DAY ONE (March 14):

Jon X Martin / Unread messages

DAY TWO (March 15):

Daisy X Basira / Nicknames

DAY THREE (March 16):

Tim X Sasha / Whisper

DAY FOUR (March 17):

Melanie X Georgie / Cuddles

DAY FIVE (March 18):

Peter X Elias OR Gertrude X Agnes / Inside Jokes

DAY SIX (March 19):

Poly-Archives OR JonMarTim / Departure

DAY SEVEN (March 20):

Rarepair / Party

#the magnus archives #tma #ship week #fan event

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tanoraqui · 4 years

Note

"Hold Me Tight and See Me True (Fear Still Advised)" and "Consensual Administrative Restructuring" ♡, "No Mercy No More" ☼, ✄, and ♡

“Hold Me Tight [Etc]” - ♡: my favorite part

“Talk to me,” the Archivist demanded. “Tell me—”

“Basira!” Daisy howled. “You were supposed to kill me.”

I liked that first word being both an answer to the Archivist’s (unavoidable) question and the start of the plea - the plea which is not “I want to stay a Hunter” nor “I want to be human” but this terrible third option.

“Consensual Administrative Restructuring” - ♡: my favorite part

I did a fun little sandwich on this one, to show how little had changed :)

First lines: Tim couldn't quite bring himself to hate Elias. He really, really wanted to, but he couldn't. Dislike, yes; fear, for sure. But the deep-seated loathing he sought was just infuriatingly unreachable.

Last lines: He wobbled out of the office and back to his own desk, where he collapsed for a few minutes. Jon didn't follow, though he wanted to. Tim knew that he wanted to. The sense of his worried observation didn't diminish, as though he was looking over Tim's shoulder the entire time. It only faded when Tim pulled himself together and went home, and even then, there was a lingering presence, twined around the core of him. It was...

Tim couldn't quite bring himself to hate it.

“No Mercy No More” - ☼: how i came up with the idea

It was a...prompt? Or maybe I was just trying to think of a random ship? For some reason, for a femslash week, I started thinking about how Georgie/Jude could work, and thought of this kind of melancholy, guarded, comradely “apocalypse refugees in the tunnels” scenario. For the apocalypse itself, I think it was at least 50% fueled by spite at Web!Martin fics that made that concept result in, like, happy endings somehow. Not that I don’t avidly read and enjoy those! But this is a tragedy, motherfuckers. Bittersweet endings only.

✄: something i deleted before the final draft

man idk, I didn’t, you know, keep anything that I deleted...related to the above, I know I swerved back and forth on whether whatever was left of Jonathan Sims was really a remnant of Jonathan Sims, or if it was simply a facsimile wholly reconstructed from spidersilk and Martin’s daydreams. I ended up going with the former, though it’s ambiguous. I think that’s less cruel to Jon. At least he dies knowing the world is saved, rather than damned.

♡: my favorite part

I’m not going to excerpt the whole thing but, like...the entire back end of the fic, all the players in their different parts, moving somewhat in unison? I love that shit. I love a plan coming together.

Maybe my favorite part of it for sheer energy is,

No bickering cult. No Georgie and her stupid cat. No place left in the broken world; somewhere nearby the Slaughter has gone to work and Jude does not think that she will see Agnes soon because that would be something like hope—now it is her turn to be Desolation incarnate. She strides through the tower and laughs as she burns every surface she touches, burns every strand of silk that reaches for her, burns herself out at both ends to reach whatever’s left of Martin Blackwood and melt him—

oh, also, it’s never said explicitly but, fundamentally, Georgie first finds Melanie sitting in Helen’s corpse, after Helen died holding her. So that’s fun!

#ask meme #my fic #screechfoxes #tma

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oldmilfenjoyer · 4 years

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wholesome time. tma cat vs dog people.

also idk shit about dog breeds, i listed some specific dog breeds. however FUCK breeders.

Georgie: 100% cat person. Anything that enjoys being carried around in a baby sling.

Jon: BIG fan of long hair cats. SOMFT. Also orange cats and maine coons. LOTS OF SOMFT.

Sahsa: loves absurdly large dogs. has a great dane and No personal space.

Tim: Does Not Like Dogs, especially big ones. however, Danny and Sasha were both big dog / sleeping with big dog people so he knows how to deal. really likes cats tho, the Chonkier the Better. prefers short hair cats bc unlike Jon he’s realistic abt his grooming abilities.

Martin: f r e n c h. b u l l d o g. wishes he had one and would run an instagram account for it (he’s probably allergic to dogs 😔). knits tiny sweaters for puppies in his free time.

Gerry: always wanted super fluffy squashy faced white cats. the white fur would ruin all black clothes, furniture, Leitners, etc and he would’ve love it. he also would’ve gotten SO many professional portraits done of his cats.

Melanie: Edgy Black Cats she’s a Ghost Hunter.

Basira: definitive dog person, but smaller/medium active dogs. loves corgis with tails.

Daisy: also definitive dog person, and also smaller/medium active dogs. more of a fan of bull terriers because Snout Funny Looks Like Himb Bee Sting.

Elias: didn’t care until the trend of weird shaky lap dogs that fit in bags. goal is to brunch with a chinese crested dog wearing pig tails and cheetah print. rip the waiter that has to serve him and his dog.

Peter: blah blah blah the lonely blah he has sphynx cats.

Leitner: he’s a retrievers and labs type of bastard.

Gertrude: MANX CATS. manx cats are WILD.

Adelard: I can only imagine him having birds. cockatoos.

Jude: she’s a lesbian so probably cats. she’s a wax lesbian so Definitely sphynx cats.

Agnes: Jude is lowkey freaked out by big dogs but Agnes was a fan of big, drool-y dogs. the more drool the better. must have jowls. like an english mastiff type of big, drool-y, saggy dog. the whole cult would’ve been like hell no.

Michael: sphynx cats again they are Weird.

Helen: WEIRD DOG. either mop dog komondors or russian grandma borzois.

Jane: bug

Jared: as if show dog competitions aren’t flesh aligned. he has fifteen award-winning Very Luxurious maltese dogs.

Mike: has used the vast for playing frisbee. australian shepherd kind of dude.

Simon: crazy old cat grandpa who has also used the vast for playing (but with the laser pointer). fucks HARD with bubble backpacks.

Oliver: ;aksjdf;laksjdf weird dogs but chunky. I want him to have a shar pei. sounds like Sharpay and looks Wild.

Annabelle: also sphynx cats. in a lot of sphynx cat fb groups where she makes a lot of memes.

Manuela: surprisingly dogs. must be black bc aesthetic. briard sounds pretentious and edgy. also so much hair they have No Eyes.

Julia and Trevor: dogs because hunt, definitely have like two bonded active dogs that love to chase shit. fox terriers? they are funky looking.

Mikaele: you know cats that swim. yes.

#jon trying to brush his cats when they dont want to be brushed: 🥺🥺🥺🥺#me the second the clock hit five: Does This #the magnus archives #huh

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jonarchivistcansing · 4 years

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So I have a magnus archives playlist

I’ve been making a long chronological Magnus Archives playlist for my own amusement (So This Is Basically The Magnus Archives) , but since season 5 is close and my college kicked everyone out i decided to Do Something Unnecessary.

I have taken painstaking effort to not only properly organize this stupid thing with specific tma episodes, but also have documented the episodes as well as why I included the songs (under the cut). This is my Magnum Opus. I have officially pulled an all nighter to work on this. AND i’m making another playlist with songs that I wanted to keep tabs on in case I end up needing to use them as s5 comes out (here) Spoiler warning obviously

Please send me some songs if you follow the playlist and think they should be on there!

TLDR - Grace for sale = season 1 finale; Bad Bad Things = season 2 finale; Greatest Show Unearthed = season 3 finale; Just Did a Bad Thing = Season 4 finale.

I bold the songs I added most recently. Honestly I recommend listening to the playlist first because its way fun and like referencing this if you really care about it. Please give me song suggestions or alterations!

Song Name - MAG00 - PoV/Sung at/etc; Event. NA = Not Applicable

The Office Theme - NA

memes

Turn The Lights Off - MAG 01

The whole “Dont go in there” theme is applicable to the danger of the Angler fish, which also parallels that first statement acting as a lure for Jon

Don’t Worry We’ll Be Watching You - NA

I didn’t want to comb through to find an episode where Jon says hes being watched. I might move this somewhere else because it’s really slow for the begining of the playlist. Maybe where he went to America

Somebody’s Watching Me - NA

Same as above + memes

Bloody Nose - MAG 17 - PoV Jared Hopworth

the boneturner’s tale statement

Grace For Sale - MAG 39 - PoV Jane Prentiss; S1 Finale

I didn’t know this was part of a whole carnival themed album when I added it, but I felt that the themes of shedding your skin and worms were relevant enough. Still looking for a good song for the s1 finale tho :/

I Don’t Trust You Anymore - MAG 40/41 - PoV Jon

Immediately after the Worm Attack, Jon realizes he can’t trust anyone in the archives.

Losing My Mind - NA - PoV Jon

Jon makes a lot of mentions of his paranoia thruout this season and I feel it just fits best here

Little Pistols - NA - PoV Jon

Same as above, but its like Really Sad because this one paints the paranoia as much more self-destructive.

Afraid - MAG 77 - Multi PoV/Sasha

Jon just realized the NotSasha replaced Sashsa. Could be from Sasha or NotSasha or even Jon realizing the implications a shapeshifting creature, just fkcn love the chorus for the whole NotSasha fiasco

Mr Capgras - MAG 78/79 - Sung by the NotThem

Jon’s a huge idiot and the NotThem is Out For Blood

Bad Bad Things - MAG 80 - PoV Elias; S2 Finale

Bitch boy Murkd Leitner and Gertrude and he’s an asshole for it

Its not overly literal but i think some characters in the song could be interpreted as Leitner and Gertrude, with the POV Elias speaking to Jon.

I’m Not Ok - MAG 81 - PoV Jon

Georgie pls....help this nasty man

The Cult of Dionysus - NA

Honestly this isn’t very specific at all there’s just a lot more cult activity in this season and this song lines up well with the next few

Rejoice - MAG 89 - PoV Jude Perry/Lightless Flame

this ep is jude’s statement and this is a Good cult song

Bust Your Kneecaps - MAG 67 - PoV Agnes Montague

Keeps with the theme better here than in order with s2. Statement of cafe boy who tried to romance Agnes that one time

Are Things Still Burning - MAG 67/89 - PoV Agnes Montague

You’ll get it.

I’m Gonna Win - MAG 101 - PoV Gertrude or Michael

Really connect this song with gertrude’s Bad Bitch energy and MAG 101 is the episode where we really get a scope of how morally gray she is

But the overall cocky tone of the song is real good for Michael

The Distortionist - MAG 101 - PoV Michael

this ep is Michael’s statement.

Its kind of hard to tell because of the vocaloid, but the song's character seems to have been pushed and manipulated into something like Michael. I can see the song shifting from Michael singing about how Gertrude created him into accepting it and them singing at Jon

Has wayyyyy too much Spiral imagery to not include

Seven Devils - MAG111 - PoV Gerard Kaey

this is the ep where Gerard properly explains the fears to Jon

Dirty Night Clowns - MAG 104 - PoV Tim Stoker?

sort of Tim about his brother

Blood End Credits - no MAG/MAG 119 - PoV Tim Stoker

god i miss tim. I don’t think it translates exactly to 119, but it’s more of the climax of his character arch. He’s literally given everything to the Institute and to Elias and now he has to fucking die? FUck.

Greatest Show Unearthed - MAG 139 - PoV Nikola/The Circus

This one is literal lol. u can figure it out

My Time - MAG 120/121 - Sung about Jon

*Mable pines picture* “He’s resting”

Who Are You, Really? - MAG 121 - Sung at/for Jon

Jon has to decide whether to let himself die human or risk becoming a monster to protect the people he loves*

*Martin

Cold Cold Man - MAG 124 - PoV Jon

This is the first time Jon and Martin have seen each other since he woke, and I think really the first time Jon has sought out Martin because he just...wanted to see him

Ruler of Everything - MAG 124 - PoV Martin

This is Martin’s side of the exchange he and Jon had. This is where he started pushing Jon away (Shot as wily one/only friend), and Peter is making him into the “ruler of everything” aka running the Institute, and just doing his best to go one day at a time until whatever Peter has planned gets done

Catabolic Seed - MAG 125 - PoV Melanie

Honestly, I just really wanted this song for melanie. The Magnus Institute is taking too much out of her, making her into a hollow, and she’s just trying to keep herself together with emotional duct tape

Body - MAG 131 Build Up - PoV Jon

I see this as the culmination of Jon’s survival guilt and desperation to make himself worthy of humanity again. Since he has a healing factor now, he has no sense of self-preservation and is willing to sacrifice his entire body to make himself worthy of humaity.

Skeleton Appreciation Day - MAG 131 - PoV Jared Hopworth

THE MEATBONE MANNNN

What Am I Becoming? - MAG 146/147 - PoV Jon

It hurts

in 146 Jon admited to Basira, Daisy, and Melanie confronted him about his live feedings. 147 Jon realises that he doesn’t want to stop feeding

Human - Mag 147/152 - For Jon

Couldn’t decide where this goes chronologically, but these in these two eps jon is seriously debating his humanity and disturbed that he even needs to do that

Isle Unto Thyself - NA

this fits....somewhere in this season. I believe i see this as Jon singing about Martin’s isolation, but really its just applicable to their whole situation

Train Remastered - MAG 154 - PoV Jon

a fukn EASY one FINALLY.

THis bitch is Jon asking Martin to blind himself with Jon so they can run away together. Their romantic arcs got me feeling all sorts of ways

No Eyed Girl - MAG 157

this is so literal lmao its just Melanie and Georgie

Not Human - MAG 158 - About Daisy

She’s spent so long serving the Hunt and trying to undo its power over her, and she really just Did That(tm) for her friends. We stan a werewolf queen

Monster - Many MAGs

honestly can fit Martin, Jon, Melanie and Daisy at different points, but i think its a good end to Daisy’s character arc currently

Ship In A Bottle - MAG 159 - About Martin and Peter

I like to see this as the climax of Martin’s Loneliness and his relationship with Peter as well as like the culmination of Peter’s deal with Elias and Martin’s Deal with Peter

It’s Alright - MAG 159 - To Jon and Martin

Jon Rescued Martin from the Lonely and is finally able to have a purpose and they are allowed to Be Okay

Honeybee - MAG 160 - PoV Jon

WE STAN TRUE LOVE AND SATISFYING ROMANCE IN THIS HOUSEEEEEEE

Great Vacation - Thematic transition

If Honeybee was the first 2 minutes of 160, then we know what’s coming next. The Scottish Cottage isn’t a vacation

Just Did A Bad Thing - MAG 160

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Its the end of the world as we know it - Season 5 trailer

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#The Magnus Archives spoilers #the magnus archvies #tma #tma s5

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