#maybe i do do it more now but yk why?

[my-chemical-aromance]

sometimes i discover terms and words that describe the things i do that are associated with autism but whenever i bring them up i always get “you were never like that before!!”. i used to get in trouble at school, at home, at church for talking so much. I’ve always been hyperverbal I just didn’t know there was a word for it back then. even after i knew i was autistic but didnt know being hyperverbal was a thing i told people i stimmed by talking. before i knew echolalia was a thing i chalked it up to just liking how things sounded or it being a form of stimming.

you’re telling me that just because there’s a word for what i do that’s associated with autism, suddenly I’ve never displayed this behavior before?

all that learning these terms has done has made it easier to understand and explain myself. instead of saying “i talk a lot because I’m autistic and it’s a form of stimming which i do to self regulate” i can now say “i’m hyperverbal because i’m autistic.” or instead of saying “i’m not repeating you to be mocking it’s just something i unconsciously do when i like a noise or word or how you said that word.” I can say “I use echolalia because i’m autistic, thats why i repeat things the way i do.” In both these examples not only is the second option more concise it’s clearer and people understand me better.

i’m not going to apologize for wanting to understand myself and wanting others to understand me.

#actually autistic #everyone’s totally chill with me being autistic until key parts of my behavior and personality are due to the autism #i had a conversation w my mother the other day that sparked this post #i had repeated what she said a few times and she was like #‘why do you do that’ #‘you know thats annoying right’ #and i said its actually called echolalia and its frequently a symptom of autism #and she immediately scoffed at me and said ‘you never did that before’ #yes. yes i did. #i didnt just read this term and decide i wanted to do it #when i actually first read of echolalia i didn’t understand it #i had to read 7 different articles to understand what it was talking about #and then i didnt #associate it with me until another autistic friend pointed it out #and i thought back on my speaking habits and after a while realized that yes that is something we do #and i really hate hearing ‘you didnt do this before’ because not only is it stupid it implies there was a time before i was autistic #ive always been autistic you were just in denail about it until a handful of medical professionals told you point blank i’m autistic #maybe i do do it more now but yk why? #because i was PUNISHED as a child for behaving ‘autisticly’ #that didnt make me less autistic it just made me fucking hate you #anyway. #idfk how to tag this #echolalia #hyperverbal #autism spectrum #autistic experiences #autistic community #autistic adult

[noisemastter]

stimming isnt enough anymore i need to kill him

#cucumber quest #em. these r both. kinda old. but i dont really think theyre that bad. i could do better now but #i should draw him more often!!! #i say after only drawing him for a week straight #tumblr is scary im sorry #i hate the layout on here irs so much scarier then twitter #FUCK I FORGOT PEOPLE ACTUALLY LOOK AT THIS TAG #i think. its a little too late to delete this all isnt ir??? #hey would you guys believe me if i said ive been hyperfixated on him for. #checks list. #a little over a year now. and i still dont know how to draw him??? #you probably would actually. nvm #shivers in fear #yk i dont actually know why i think people on tumblr r scary. most of the people ive met are really nice!!! #actually maybe its because a lot of people on here are adults and im really self conscious about my art #i should stop blabbering sorry

[fluttytheflutt]

Keep trying, Sam // She’s going to leave you behind, just like she did before

#idk why this tiny idea came to me last night but it did #BUT ALSO #it’s good that I’m drawing more often cause my motivation has been at an extremely low level 🙈 #u can see that I’m kinda twisting my style esp with how I draw GEAH characters now #anywho yes this is a combo of fluff and angst HSGJAHA #guy did that to keep him safe but also brO there was no need to do a sequel to the interrogation scene #I’m glad they made up by the end tho cause yeesh the amount of arguments #hMM idk if I should use the ship tag #Yk what maybe I will #green eggs and ham #geah #sam i am #guy am i #briefcase buddies #Netflix #geah s2 #green eggs and ham season 2

[causticsunshine]

.

#listen idk why some of yall insist on trying to submerge yourself w every crumb of content when you know the stunt is still going around #but also for letting even a potential stunt mention / pic / video frame affect you so much #considering they always push it more when they get any kind of reaction from it #like idk how many times we gotta say it but #1. make and create boundaries and if this is all your life is about: get another hobby oh my god that is so unhealthy #but also 2. STOP REACTING #don’t let this shit get to you so bad and ruin your day like gooood this is why some of you #really NEED to rethink your approach to obsessively interacting w content #but also reevaluate your priorities #be kind to yourself like why do you think i stop following so many people who constantly post whatever they can for the sake of ‘updates’ #*stopped #and making conversation out of nothing. it ain’t worth it !! go live your life !! #whether or not the fake kid is there why are you letting it bother you !! you know he’s gonna be w his love at the end of the day #talking about his baby nephew and their future family like if anything take delight in that and shhhh #it’s been like 6 - 7 years on off of this shit now so can some of you please stop acting like you were born yesterday already #and maybe idk react normally? maybe yk go do something else productive? actually worthy of energy #stunts #bbg #alex talks

[todayisafridaynight]

confession: sometimes I come to look at your art as references because you have noted details like moles + looking at what colors u put down in my quest to find what something looks like under neutral lighting I know the shit here has been thoroughly researched

i will be normal upon learning this news.

#fave #snap chats #JUST KIDDINGLAKJVKLE I CANT EVEN MAKE A FUNNYMAN™️ COMMENT THAT'S SUCH AN HONOR THANK YOU SO MUCH #especially when i'm such a fan of your own work... i love your lighting and shading and how Shaped everyone is so much... #just the FEEL yk i cant explain it but your art just feels super great to look at.. #the funniest thing bout being sent this today is ironically i was gonna make more 'model sheets' for myself like how i did with y2 daigo #dunno why i just felt compelled to do so.. just so i could draw bitches without having to think ACTUAL Rotating Like An SSBB Trophy moment #except this one i'd make more note heavy..... cause idk i always wanted to do that tbh.. #if my arm didnt hurt i probably would ☠️ maybe tomorrow or if im too stubborn later tonight i will ☠️☠️ #but wow... again thank you that means a lot. new favorite compliment achieved thank you... #i do spend hours looking at these bitches so im glad. im glad thats apparent i pay attention 😫 #in truth i dont even draw EVERY mole on every character- daigo is esp awkward because his moles change throughout games #the moles i draw are specifically for the ps3 era/y3-75 #he has different moles in the dragon engine- they're actually on the right side of his face opposed to the left: theyre entirely different #AND IM GOBSMACKED BOUT THE COLORS BIT people tell me my colors are nice but its still ?? for me to acknowledge that sometimes #like not BAD OF COURSE NO NO IM REALLY HAPPY im just.. hm... i didnt think i was doing anything nice.. #in any case again. thank you. ive made it clear this is a big compliment I Will Can It now ☠️

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

mental illness is a rollercoaster and i want OFF

#shut up hanna #im like. im fine i actually am not mentally ill #i definitely dont have an eating disorder. i can have this *food i deem unsafe when deep in my ed* #and i eat it and im like see. i was faking #and then im panicking abt the fact that i can feel it in my body and i cant undo eating it #the fucking mental gymnastics im playing every god damn day #can it just be QUIET #and it sucks bc like. mental illness is becoming less stigmatized like depression/anxiety are taken very seriously as illnesses now #and its clear how prevalent they are in our generation #but no one relates to my degree of mental illness in my social circle. #like in my circle of supportive friends i have in person here. theres no one whos had an ed. theres no one with a mood disorder #theres no one with ptsd or cptsd. bpd. bipolar. none of it. and they care and theyre supportive. more than i deserve but #they dont Get It. like #dgmw theyve never been like. just eat its not hard. like they KNOW. but they dont understand why its as hard as it is for me #and like. this is a side thing but its kind of frustrating that every girl in the department (LITERALLY. all of them) #will say they have an ed like. im not gatekeeping or diagnosing its just. that's just not statistically possible yk #like. you can have severe body image issues. AND disordered eating. both of which are harmful and deserving of help #like when i told my roommate abt mine she was like. maybe i do too. and we talked for a looooong time abt it #and i knew she didnt but ill never invalidate someone. its just. its sometimes hard when ppl think they understand and they dont #(she also came to the conclusion she doesnt after talking w me abt mine and knowing im not even bad enough to be inpatient) #like i guess im glad in a way that what i deal with isnt the norm ? in the population yk. like #its good to know that what i deal with. bipolar and bpd and ptsd and my ed being the hardest to deal with. that they also #are like. not super duper common? like its kind of isolating but it is comforting to know that not everyone feels this shitty #all the time so stuff is way harder for me than other ppl lmao #anyway. i lost my train of thought

[roimp]

ok i hate that I said all that

#now im like #but that is what you do at this age you go out extravaganza and you explore around with your friends #but like see i think it would be more fun if we were not so much focused on the 'taking aesthetic pics for insta' #like #my brain is not braining idk what im thinking #also i just really think that my parents will not allow like i dont even wanna try znd ask i know they will say no #they dont really say no to me but this time i know they are gonnaa #and thats why i dont wanna do a big thing i just wanna do a small thibg #maybe ill just tell them that my parents didnt allow to go so far away #but im not gonna ask i cannot do that lol #anyways. maybe i really should get on that 'tell them to come to my home' thing yk that can work #and my parents (i think) wouldny have a problem with that #ok bye.

[zemnarihah]

much to think about.

#i had lunch w my sister today and she was talking abt our dad and abt how him being like emotionally abusive made her a huge people pleaser #and she was like yeah i think you didnt get that as much #you were always the one who stuck to your guns or just didnt talk to him #and at first i was like what bc i literally dont think anything i ever did could be rlly described as actually sticking to ones guns i alwa #felt like i was so avoidant of any conflict w him bc yk i was like. terrified of him. but i was thinking abt it and compared to her i think #like yeah actually shes right? bc i would avoid conflict w him but i did that by like fully cutting off our relationship as much as #possible and she did it by trying to please him all the time. which probably neither were that healthy obviously they were jsut like. our #instincts for how to protect ourselves yk. but the thing is for the past few months i thought i had been learning how to not be so scared #of making ppl mad and to be more assertive and stuff. but i think actually i probably have always had that strength maybe it was just. #kinda beaten down for a while since standing up for myself always made things worse. so the other option to not allow him to treat me like #that was to cut myself off from him. But i still did that yk? idk. #like i was thinking more abt it and #i was the one who left the church at 18. after i moved out but i did. and i didnt hide it after that. my sister has apparently been mentall #out for years now and nobody in our family knows but me. bc she is so scared to disappoint him. and like idk. i always was like why couldnt #i get out earlier bc i know so many ppl who just said fuck you im not going anymore at like 14 or smth and i was like why couldnt i do that #but i guess looking at it from my sisters pov our situation was just really fucking hard. and i guess im realizing i was honestly a lot #stronger and braver than i thought i was that whole time. idk. #lol its like bittersweet. bc it makes it so much more real that it was actually super fucked up. the way we grew up. like i think sometimes #the easiest thing is for me to go haha yeah my dad was kind of a dick and whooaaahhh so crazy i grew up mormon hahah! but its like no that #was fucked up. but look at how i made it through that yk. its kind of making me. idk. develop some more respect for myself i guess #idk idk #ignore me i am just journal posting . lol #exmo tag

[ablednt]

Something so autistic over me being disappointed that the unofficial portal 2 musical didn’t have suitable music and then spending multiple days working on writing a concept song for it and actually enjoying the process a lot and getting so fucking into it

#media cw #I'm only working on the melody after getting the initial hook and instrumentation down rn #but it's coming together really nicely I think! ^_^ #it's the scene Gl@d0s wakes up #since I was like why did the pre-existing song they choose have so little to do with that scene it BOTHERED me/lh #and I think it'll be somewhat short since that scene isn't particularly long and I don't plan on adding much more in terms of like. #what's actually being said yk? #anyway I think rather than trying to sing it (also I don't have a good mic rn coughs) I'm going to pick out a vocaloid that I think would be #suitable for performing her #I'm not sure right now maybe avanna? idk one of the smoother voiced ones I think #God I wish Ellen Mclain could do a Gl@d0s vocaloid collab though #it makes little sense and obviously the window of opportunity has long since passed but could u imagine the cultural impact if that happened #would have been a better timeline smh

[twintailed-anyu]

if you're close with someone who has social anxiety, PLEASE.

what we crave more than anything is validation. when you agree with us in conversation or casually compliment or casual compliments, it means so much.

social anxiety likes to convince us everyone hates us and that everyone judges what we do, how we look, the way we speak, and it especially likes to do that with people we're close to.

so as someone who's friends with someone who has social anxiety, just remind them that you care, that you dont hate them, that you dont find their every move annoying and that you value them. it can help, so much more than you'd imagine.

#social anxiety #validate me #i want to vent but im scared ppl will judge so im making this more wide reach so its not just about me #but it is about me srsly #im in one of those moods where everyone i love thinks im annoying yk #i don't meet with my therapist until tuesday fml #who needs therapy #i have online people who i rely on for validation who currently are NOT validating me and im panicking #maybe my support system shouldnt be so circumstantial #jk having a stable support system is for cowards #someday this will bite me in the butt #my ex is talking ab my insecurities to other ppl now 🙂 #and my friend called me her thirteen reasons why #ik she was joking but #could you not make suicide jokes to me #like i probably will do it someday and im trying hard not to but it feels like everything is telling me to give up #i had a chat about this with another friend and she just listened to music and put her headphones back in #she told me later it was fucked up #but it hurt #and istg #if i had a singular person tell me that they cared #a singular person tell me that i wasnt a burden #or that it would matter to them if i died #i wouldnt be misusing the tags on tumblr rn #anyway sorry lmao im feeling Not Good as you can tell

[astrxealis]

comin in ere just rq to say tldr (final. real.) fuuta !! i want him to be voted innocent/forgiven bcs i hope he can. make peace with himself. i think he's truly a good guy at heart even if that doesn't excuse all that he did (i think he's. some sort of victim too and he deserved better. by this i mean like w his friends?? some sort of pressure and all. also the fact all the blame got put onto him which sucks but also with context, if that context is right, is rather deserved ngl. also i'm worried if he gets voted guilty bcs something bad will def happen)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა milgram ໒꒱ *·˚ #being a twitter user and chronically online did this to him /j #joking bcs yeah a bit of that maybe but i think the guy is kinda lonely. like. friends but there's the pressure from them too and all #yeah my thoughts are clearer now (phew!) i think i think too hard and too much but thinking so much was fun tbh #now i'm chill (listening to haruka's song on repeat as i try to do homework. keyword try) #he/milgram/viewers/es. the 'same'. and. agh. it is just so interesting and so so amazing to me (wow!) #but now i will try to chill (keyword try. it is 1 am i really should do my homework i hate chem) #i have more hw for the week still and then next week... i'll try to do my best and hopefully not get distracted #it's still kinda complicated bcs i want to vote 'what would be best overall' but yeah forgiving him aligns with that i think #as well as my own personal beliefs. so yeah #huh. i think i just thought way too much and confused myself (happens often bcs i try to understand all sides. oops!) #i like fuuta a lot. he reminds me of himself and that's another reason why i think forgiving him this time is for the best #and then ultimately forgiving him as well. but imo guilty first trial actually makes sense even if... at the same time idk #it kinda broke him uhh. made him unstable and all. yk the drama audio yeah. but it helped in making his beliefs better and all #i think milgram makes my brain go into overdrive. maybe even a bit too much #didn't realize how much time passed and i was just thinking and talking about milgram goddamn #hi more thoughts but yeah... he feels regret and i think hes starting to feel guilty. maybe? im not sure my head is sort of a mess again #maybe i just need to sleep. it is 5 am now. hmmm. but yeah hes definitely changed #he's heading towards improvment <3 !! fuuta innocent so true please #im still confused about whether the whole. Guilt thing #sometimes i forget what some words mean or use them as synonyms oops (metavoting and guilt oops!)

[myname-isnia]

Suiren is Aplatonic

#bc I said so. argue with a wall #she's my character I can do what I want #look once I realised I was spec and claimed a bunch of identities under that umbrella #I began wanting to give some of them to my characters #alasie fulfills my aroace rep needs and honestly that's enough for now #bc with how prominent family is in my stories I can't really go for afamilial #but it very recently occured to me that suiren straight up doesn't have friends #of course for the most part it's because of trauma and her entire community hating her #but even after her recovery.. I just never gave her a friend? #she has her family + people like opal and bolin who are considered family and kuvira. that's it #the only friend she's ever had in my multiverse of madness is alasie. and even then 'friend' is pushing it #they would only know each other for a few weeks before Suiren has to bail and probably didn't interact all that much #and honestly. even in utos I don't see her as someone who'd go around making friends #maybe there are a few people who she's on good terms with but not quite on friendship level #if any of that makes sense #and hey. why am I making excuses. suiren is mine if I say she's aplatonic then she's aplatonic #she feels romantic/sexual and familial attraction but not platonic. end of story #but since she does have that thing with alasie I will say that she's once again like me. plato-indifferent aplatonic #though technically I’m demiplatonic but yk. same difference #she doesn't care much either way whether she has friends or not and will care if she has them. but more as a person than a friend yk? #she is a kind and caring person by nature even though her demeanor hides it. it comes with her set of beliefs #so she will care for and love people. but not consider them friends #it's nearly midnight so I'm yet again on tumblr with my batshit insane takes #sotrl suiren

[b0mblover]

low doesnt mean 0

By: J

Cw; denouncing (the christian one specifically) god.

Religion (its entirely about me and my mothers fights about religion)

Probablt dont read this if you’re religious, or do, your life.

your proof of a god- starts and ends at my birth- and his death

“your chances were so low they mightve well have been 0” “its near impossible that you were born perfectly healthy” -except i wasnt, it was 14% chance, not 0% there was still a chance- if theres a ball to gamble, then theres always going to be some kind out outcome, no matter the unlikelyness of it all.

“What do i have to do to prove to you that theres a god”

change the past, change the past, 

“you have no proof that hes not real”

if “he” were, why can i not see? why did that happen? why is life the way it is?

“If he isnt real then how did XXXX happen?”

because. there was the physical possibility, just as everything else, there was the possibility to become whatever i call myself at this point in time, there was the possibility to meet the people in my life, there was the possibility to be happy. My so called “luck” has nothing to do with it, your so called “god” has nothing to do with it, to be harsh, however, “everyone is unique” sure, lets go with that, youd say the exact same line with any other people- as long as they were vagely good people, even if they werent, you said it still then. “The you dont value them” i love them, no matter what? of course i don’t believe that they’re replaceable, ive already learned, however, theres no such thing as “the perfect friend group” for anyone, sure, some can be much better or worse, but as you said “everyone is unique” so, if theyre all different, you cant compare then to each other- theyre separate people, with completely different lives, you, as an outsider in my life, have no say of whos better in my life or not. 

If your so called “god” is real, then why is this low-end still manipulating me? -次

(funny thing, i wrote so many more tags than whats showing up- apparently theres a tag limit!)

#A little treat for the people who scroll through my blog since im not linking this to anywhere #yes i put j/次 in twice. its because how i format. this was supposed to be a drabble in my notes app. sometimes i just need to have it wrote #that i wrote it. to feel real or whatever #fun ish fact! there was a low % of me being born. and my mother loooves using that as a “god is real” argument. #literally ignoring what a % means. like maybe id vagely believe you if it was 0 but it wasnt?? #sho if your some how reading this #Hi #and sen whos probably reading this? #Hi bae #god theres so much shit on my mother that i could just expose #yk might make a thing on that. itd be funny #(chill she ruined my entire and i mean literally my entire life. i couldnt give a damn about her feelings. she deserves it) #why do my fingers smell like caramel atm?????? #ive just been laying in bed??? we dont even have caramel???? #god i love ranting in the tags #did you guys know that im veeeery gay and have a crush on [redacted]? #yk what might aswell post my life update in the tags #Tw! my entire life #basically i have a crush on one if my friends. which is already painful enough for me bc my mother teases me about if i do and i keep sayin #that i dont bc i didnt. and i do now so i cant let that slip. anyways. theyve been showing up in my dreams more and more. literally this #and its kinda embarrassing? bc i really hate being in love (ik shock to someone probably) its bothered me allll of my life #and usually id just yk ~confess~ and get the feeling to go away over time #but it isnt going away and no way in hell am i telling them bc yk. were friends. and i sure as hell dont wanna ruin that or make them #uncomfy. so whenever i talk to them i feel all weird bc yk. i dont wanna fuck up and flirt with them or smth (even more annoying bc i #normally flirt with my friends even if i dont like them romantically) so i just dk what to say to them. bc i obviously wanna talk to them #but i get a pit in my stomach. weve talked for months idk why i feel like this now #plus idk how to get rid of the feeling. someone just bash my head in already please. #[redacted] im so sorry. for everything (shut up with the “you did nothing wrong” idc if i did or not) (scratch that. it goes for everyone) #the urge to post my main on this is consuming me but i wont bc… well uh 🧍 ~things~ #J’s misc shit

[cry-ba-bys]

YOU'RE AN ANGEL I'M A DOG OR YOU'RE A DOG AND I'M YOUR MAN YOU BELIVE ME LIKE A GOD I DESTROY YOU LIKE I AM

#Rant ahead I'm already sorry but yk. I'm actually not. #My mental health has been so bad in the last months and right now it feels like I will just never leave the stage of being a mentally ill #Loser. I know I've made so much progress over the years but right now everything hurts again and I feel more alone than ever. Maybe that's #Also why I made this blog but I'm not ready for that thought yet. I built such an amazing social circle with genuinely the most amazing #people ever around me and now I feel like I've destroyed everything again by just not answering them and completely isolating myself for #Fucking months and I can't tell if it's because my friends actually hate me now (which tbf I understand #I love them nonetheless.) #Or if it's just my bad mental state that's making me belive that #That and everything else that just seems to be going wrong is just so so much for me right now. I don't know how long I can do this anymore #But I also don't know any way out of this #I always end up like this and it's so annoying. How am I supposed to ever be a functional adult when talking to people is too much for me? #How am I ever supposed to believe someone can love me when I'm just the way I am #God I hate myself so much. #A few days a week I see one of my friends on the bus when we have to go to work and we chat until it's my stop. Its never more than 5 #Minutes and it's always about school or work and because of that I feel more alone than ever. How am I ever supposed to built meaningful #Friendships If I know after next winter our conversations will just revolve around meaningless shit again. We used to joke about #Building a utopia through political action and we used to sit in a kitchen until 3 am and talk and talk and talk but it all felt so #Meaningful cause we were together and that made everything better. And now I talk to one of them if so happen to catch the bus at the same #Time and we talk about school. It fucking sucks #And it's all my fault

[demigod-of-the-agni]

hm.

#agnirambles #bit of a Rant haha #this makes no sense out of context like why are you still here lol #okay look i'm sorry. i'm really sorry. i don't know what i did and i don't know and i'm sorry #i'm sorry for not knowing how to fix things or how to move on. i'm sorry that i couldn't be better for you #and i'm sorry for not. being good. #i'm sorry that you found out that i actually suck as a human being. i'm sorry that you learned that i'm terrible and just. i'm sorry #you don't deserve me and maybe staying away from me is best for you. it's always good if you're away from me. because i am terrible #and sticking close to me means you will get hurt by all the stupid things that i do. i only hurt people #and i'm sorry #but. i want to know. what did you think of me when you cut me out #i just want to know. i just want to know but it's not right of me to know because i don't have the right to know #but it's not the fact knowing you hate me now. it's not that you moved away from me #it's the silence of not knowing. it's the gap. it feels like nothing. it's been eating me up for months. my brain is convinced we were- #-having so much fun just yesterday. but i wake up and im just staring at the scorch marks i left in the ground. the marks that drove you aw #im sorry i ever did anything to hurt you. i didnt mean to #i honest to god never meant to hurt you. i dont even know what i did #i never know what i did. because thats how horrible i am yk? cant even figure what i did. pathetic #i never manage to let good things last i always ruins things one way or another and im sorry you ever knew me maybe you would have lived li #more peacefully without me #but its okay #you dont know im saying these things #i feel too much with a heart that doesnt know what to do with itself i just wish it didnt know how to feel why do i always feel #just. im so sorry. whether you see this or not is meaningless. youve cut me out completely (good). but i hope you are doing okay #i hope you're doing well. i hope you're living life well. because even if im paying the price for whatever i did. knowing that you're okay #means much more to me. #bye friend. im glad you're doing okay #hopefully now we can put it behind us. we can live on our own now #(but im sorry that you ever learned of me) #(im sorry you thought we could be friends)

[cryptidapprentice]

man,,,

#marine myths rambles #in the tags #dating app diary #i feel so bad bc now that i AM getting matches on these freakin apps i have to Talk and Make Conversation and ideally Meet Up and its like.. #suddenly i am Not In The Mood actually. to talk OR hang out. n i feel BAD bc these seem like nice ppl!!! who id love to at least befriend!!! #(i have bumble n im not listed as looking for anything particular so friendship is in fact an option) #or maybe even smthn more!!! but like. idk why suddenly as soon as i get a match its like '...oh. hmm. idk if i wanna talk actually' 😭😭 #like if i had to guess id say its my gd OCD avoidance response thats making me not wanna do the Hard Thing (Talking) but its also like... #...do i rly wanna meet My Person this way?? CAN i rly meet my person this way???? like so much of my whole desire to date someone is like- #-getting along suuuuper well as friends n being able to click personality n humorwise n shit n THEN im like 'oh id love to date this person- #this person'* im not retyping all tht lol #but being on an app kinda takes tht away for me?? ig im just not made for like. online/internet dating :V #bc i think that Click has to be like. In Person for me to reach that point yk?? like i could click w ppl online n be friends fine!! but like #if we meet in person and that irl interaction isnt like the online interactions (which its usually Not just bc of the nature of Online..) #and we dont Click the same way... its like... man... i dont think we can be romantic partners WHICH I FEEL BAD ABT bc its like. #i dont wanna lead anyone on... so it sucks if we click online but i dont feel that same Click in person 🥲🥲 #idk maybe im just not emotionally ready to date?????? ugh ig ~24yrs of being single'll do tht to a person 🥲🥲 #feel free to dm me w like. advice or smthn if u read all this n have smthn to say 🤷🏽‍♀️ i cant guarantee ill respond (bc im shy 🥴) #BUT ill def read n consider ur words i prommie (also sometimes i dont respond bc idk what to say 😖 but im not ignoring i see u n i hear u) #(not in a creepy literal way. in a figurative way.)