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midnightmelodrama · 4 years

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duets with u

requested by anon

How abt Y/n wrote “stuck with you” with Tom and they both duet together and filmed and make music video dring the pandemic❤️

Pairing: Tom Holland x fem!eader

Summary: You fall in love with Tom’s voice, so you ask him to sing your next single with you.

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: fluffiness, it’s fluffy

A/N: im so sorry anon, this took so long to write. ive been a bit busy with summer homework and studying for next year. i love you, bebe❤️

You had been living with Tom and the boys since the pandemic started. When the pandemic began and lockdown went into place, you had been visiting Tom since you were about to leave for tour, but it was soon canceled for very obvious reasons. You had asked your label if you could release a new song to make people smile during quarantine. When they said yes, you began to write your new single Stuck with U to symbolize the way you felt about living with the love of your life.

The boys helped you set up a new studio for you, so you began to record the song with the virtual help of your producers. The boys had tried listening in, curious as to what the song sounded like, but you would always shoo them out of the room. Tom loved to watch you sway around the house, humming the melody of the song he hadn’t heard yet, but he was determined to find out what it sounded like because he was an impatient and stubborn baby.

One night, after you had fallen asleep by the piano in your studio, Tom carried you back to your shared room, kissing your forehead as he laid you down on the bed before going back into the studio to turn off your equipment. Then it clicked. He could listen to your song without you interfering. Grinning devilishly, he slipped on headphones, clicking on play. His heart fluttered as he heard the first verse, it was like he was falling in love with you all over again. Your voice was the most beautiful sound he ever had the pleasure of listening to. The fact that you were his never failed to amaze him. You were this famous singer who was absolutely stunning and talented had noticed him and loved him more than he would ever understand.

Tom didn’t notice time moving as your melodious voice played through the speakers of his headphones; he was enamored. Before he knew it he had learned the song after playing it on repeat until he noticed it was three am. Deciding it had been long enough, he went back into your room to sleep.

You woke up the next day to hear the shower of your bathroom running, but that wasn’t the only thing you heard. Tom was singing the song you had tried to keep hidden very loudly. At first, you were pissed, you told him various times, you had wanted the song to be a surprise for everyone, but you felt the anger wash away when you noticed how beautiful his voice was.

Tom never let you listen to him sing, he shut you down every time you asked him to show his voice. You never pushed him, knowing it was something he wasn’t as confident as you. Your heart skipped a beat as you heard him run through the second verse effortlessly.

“Damn, is there something this man can’t do?” You whispered to yourself before running out of the room to call your manager.

You went back into your studio after calling your manager, making the final changes, ready to begin the final recording.

“Darling? Can I come in?” Tom asked, knocking.

“Yeah.” Tom stepped into the room, wrapping his arms around your waist while you worked on polishing the harmonies. “Tom?” You asked softly, turning around in his arms to face him. He hummed, looking into your eyes. “Did you listen to the song?” Tom’s eyes widened at the question, he didn’t know how you found out, but he was sure he was going to either get a lecture or a sandal thrown at him. He felt his heart race as he panicked internally.

Tom gulped, shaking his head. “N-no. I-I didn’t--uh--listen to the-the song.” He stuttered out, still freaking out. Laughing, you pecked his lips.

“I’m not mad, Tom. I’m actually happy because I want you to duet the song with me.” You said, smiling.

“W-what? Baby, you know I can’t sing.” He said, stepping back.

“Shut up, Thomas. That’s a lie. I heard you singing this morning. You sing beautifully, Tom.” You walked towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck as he huffed. “Please? It would mean a lot to me.” You said, voice a bit softer and higher, playing with his hair and batting your eyes at him. His pupils dilated dramatically, feeling his body lean pull itself closer to you.

“Fine, I’ll do it.” Tom rolled his eyes. You jumped into his arms, legs circling around his waist while Tom laughed, hugging your waist.

You and Tom spent the next few days in the studio, learning how your voices blended together. Tom went from being shy and ashamed of his singing skills to singing with the confidence he used to have. Once the song was recorded and ready, you sent it to your label. A few weeks later, you were ready to begin the small production on the music video. It was simple, but the idea made you and Tom happy.

“You ready?” You asked him, turning to look back at him while setting up the camera in front of the both of you.

He pecked your lips slowly. “Yeah, let’s do this.”

The song played in the background, you and Tom singing along to it. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing your neck as he looked into the camera. You laughed, still singing with him. Sitting on his lap, you took the camera to record him giggling.

For the second part of the video, you and the boys began to dance outside while Harry recorded everyone. Tuwaine and Harrison waltzed around the backyard as you and Tom swayed, staring into each other’s eyes lovingly. Tessa ran around in the background, barking, and cuddling between yours and Tom’s legs.

You slipped out of Tom’s grasp before grabbing Harry’s hand to pull him into the shot. Harry laughed as you twirled him before Tessa ran over to him, taking his attention. Tom pulled you into his chest, kissing you passionately as the song ended.

“You happy now, love?” Tom asked, teasingly.

“Yeah, very happy.” You said before pulling him into another kiss.

send something in, bebe❤️

A/N: I reposted this because tumblr was being a bitch to me yesterday and took the original piece off the tags, so fuck you, tumblr. also, do y’all like my new theme? I was with the rain on me theme for a while so...idk

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #michelle writes #michelle answers #michelle’s requests

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bunnysmilesinc · 3 years

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hello amn...... very curious abt twf........... do u mayhaps feel like infodumping or smth bc i know nothing abt it except that the rabbet in ur icon is mega funky cool

OFC I CAN IM SO GLAD U ASKED :D

OK SO the walten files is a web series on youtube made by martin walls!!!! its inspired by stuff like fnaf vhs and petscop so its. very much horror odsicn u might not like it if u dont like horror, fair warning im gonna spoil some stuff

ALSO the pumpkin rabbit (the one in my icon) is from the mysterious house!! which is not canon to the walten files, the same goes for martin walls’s newest video boozoo’s ghosts

trigger warnings if u watch and wanna be careful: gore and blood (not realistic tho), disturbing imagery and sounds, scopophobia, body horror, more specifically face/eye horror, prolly more im forgetting. it is horror and it can be intense so keep that in mind while watching it

the story so far is largely speculation bc we only have 2 (arguably 3) videos out, a 3rd one is gonna be here sometimes soon tho!!!

my ramble under the cut cuz this got LONG

the canon story we have so far: jack walten and felix kranken co-found bunny smiles inc and open up bon’s burgers, a fnaf style animatronic restaurant 4 kids. jack walten mysteriously goes missing around the time of the opening, and another 2 ppl go missing in the restaurant after him (a woman named rosemary and susan woodings). after this it gets closed down only a month after being open, everything gets moved to a storage facility in the forest, bon gruesomely murders the facility caretakers that work there and may or may not be looking for a specific list of ppl to kill (sophie walten being one of them)

a popular theory is that felix kranken murdered jack walten and stuffed him inside bon bc he wanted complete control of the company (or it was an accident and he panicked) and then either programmed bon 2 kill jacks family or he did so himself for whatever reason (rosemary being his wife, and susan, sophie and a character we havent met yet named “charles” being his kids) and sophie is only one who hasnt been killed yet, the other facility caretakers just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time

this theory is supported by the fact that in the description for the lucky you video its stated that he has 3 kids and a wife and bon calls rosemary “rose” and “rosey” which is definitely nicknames a husband would have for a wife, thats the evidence i can remember off the top of my head but there is more!!!

OH ALSO theres a secret third video called “lucky you” that u can only access by putting together 2 halves of a youtube link in the second video that flashes on screen for a few frames

#🌈.ask #this is an unedited stream of thought anon some things prolly arent gonna make sense sdochsnoi #anon

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midoriyaizukustan-inactive · 4 years

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Angst ending- Deku focuses all the energy stored in OfA into his fist, including his own life force. He manages to defeat the villain, but not only his arm is ruined forever, but he manages to lift and clench it into a fist as a final gesture of victory, before dropping dead on the ground.

actual picture of me reading this ask:

HHH but,,,i can see this happening and ive actually thought abt smth similar

so im thinkin in the inevitable final battle we’re gonna have of ua vs. all for one and the league of villains, midoriya probably is gonna have to face off shigaraki and all for one all by himself (cause toshinori is not gonna be in any state to fight)(but i refuse to believe hs gonna be dead though nope no no)

maybe bakugou will be there for a couple of seconds but midroiya’s mostly gonna have to deal w it on his own

anyway so the nomus r the biggest problem. theyre strong and have absolutely no qualms abt hurting and killing ppl, and worst of all, they will not stop at anything unless u somehow manage to kill/incapacitate them bc they will Not stop obeying orders

and who gives them orders? shigaraki and all for one

midoriya picks up on this during their fight, so he’s trying as hard as he fuckign can to stop them bc holy shit his friends and teachers and schoolmates are all on the line and he CANNOT afford to mess this up

so as the battle wears on and as midoriya gets more exhausted, he realizes,,,theres only gonna be a couple ways to end this in his favor. and fuck, he’s so scared, he’s not even technically done with high school yet, he hasnt saved nearly enough people, but his friends, they need him to focus now, so-

so he starts building up one for all, but its gonna take time so he needs to figure out how he can distract all for one and shigaraki while he does this

so he talks and dodges attacks mostly bc he can’t attack at all if he wants a build-up of power

this leaves him,,,vulnerable,,,though,,,

shigaraki probs decays some of his chest nd hero suit, but its nothing midoriya can’t ignore for the time being. no, he’s mostly worried abt all for one, and if he’ll figure out what midoriya is doing

all for one does, in fact, figure out what midoriya is doing, bc this is exactly how his brother would act

so he does his power/red-black stabby quirk bs nd midoriya gets stabbed like three times (leg arm and shoulder) but still midoriya is holding on bc he needs their attention to stay on him so they cant give the nomus additional orders, nd also he needs to end this like yesterday

since midoriya is focusing on one for all, he can hear the other users’ voices. some of them are yelling at him, asking him what the hell he’s doing, doesnt he know he’s gonna kill himself?, some of them are shouting out directions for him to dodge and jump and run and anything to help keep him alive, and one voice (all for one’s brother) is telling him how to keep the power buildup so it wont rebound onto midoriya (…at least, not until it’s supposed to)

so midoriya listens, cause he cant really talk back to them to reassure them otherwise, nd he’s just. so exhausted honestly, and also his arm is starting to burn which is frankly the last thing he has time to worry about, but also it means it’s working, just a little longer-

midoriya feels smth click when his life force slides into the deal, nd all for one’s brother is kinda like “hey kid so problem” but midoriya still can’t talk back, and he can see his friends in the distance behind all for one and shiagraki on another part of the battlefield, and they look- they look-

theyre just as exhausted as he is, and theyre surrounded by nomu, and midoriya will not let them get hurt, so-

so he begins to charge, because when his life force connected with one for all’s power, he knew the build-up was ready to be used

all of the previous users are screaming at him for a hot second, before all for one’s brother gives midoriya directions on how and where to hit his brother to be most effective. midoriya ignores how sad and choked up he sounds cause he just doesnt have time-

just like all might, midoriya fakes one hit and parries with another; shigaraki is right next to them, a hand reaching out to disintegrate midoriya’s arm, so he gets caught up in the blast as well.

everything goes white for a moment and midoriya cant really feel anything for a split second.

then the world fades back in, and midoriya’s entire fucking body is burning, gaining intensity the closer you are to his arm. He’s almost certain his arm has been completely blown off, but when he opens his eyes, it’s still there.

horribly mutilated, but there. his hand is still curled into a fist, still punching all for one.

oh. all for one.

midoriya tries not to throw up at the sight.

yeah, he’s not getting back up again. the only problem is, midoriya thinks as he stumbles back a couple steps, he himself is probably not, either.

the force of the blow left him in a crater. he almost wants to cry, because dammit, everything is on fire; he knows that his entire arm and shoulder are broken, and it seems like everything else is not far behind. his nose and mouth are dripping blood, in addition to the flesh wounds on his chest (thanks, shigaraki) and the stab wounds from earlier bleeding like no tomorrow; how is he gonna climb out of here?

still, despite his grievances, midoriya shuffles forward, each step aching as he tries to claw out of the literal hole he’s punched himself into. he cant move the arm he punched with at all; his fist is still clenched.

still, he manages to heave himself up and out of the crater. the battle is at a standstill, is what he finds when he reaches the top.

some people have passed out from the sound, midoriya can see. jirou lies protected by yaomomo and kaminari as she tries to get her bearings again.

others have passed out due to the blast snatching oxygen away from them for a few precious moments. they’ll be fine, though, midoriya can tell; he can see kirishima’s chest rising and falling as he breathes unconsciously.

midoriya raises his gaze, exhuasted, to where his friends were in the distance, seconds before he punched all for one.

he can see shigaraki passed out, having hit the side of an upturned rock too hard, which was there thanks for pixie bob

his friends are okay. theyre stumbing to their feet, looking about, and he catches todoroki’s eye while they do so.

he smiles then, breathes out a sigh of relief – theyre okay – before raising his fist (the one that’s horribly mutilated; it hurts to move, but midoriya doesn’t care).

he starts falling back, then, and he can’t shift his feet to regain his balance.

he falls like a house of cards.

his breath rattles in his chest, and it’s how he knows he’s not long for this world, anymore.

he’s too exhausted to feel panicked, per se, but he- he’s gonna miss his friends so much, he’s gonna miss mom, toshinori-

tears start collecting in his eyes, but he’s too dehydrated to form enough of them that they can fall down his face freely.

he doesnt- fuck, he doesn’t regret doing it, he just-

he’s not going to last long enough for anyone to even get to him, he’s going to die with no goodbyes-

then the voices of the other users fill his head again.

their soft, sorrowful congratulations, reassurances that he did the right thing, and that dying is scary but it doesn’t hurt, and he’s going to be okay, wherever he ends up next.

it does little to ease the fear, but it does do something, so midoriya is thankful nonetheless.

im sorry, all for one’s brother says abruptly.

why?

my fight with my brother should never have ended at the cost of a teenager’s life.

midoriya can’t help but laugh a little then. he coughs up blood for it. if all it took was one life, i’m glad it was mine. i wouldnt want anyone else to fall to him.

and it’s true, midoriya isn’t lying, it’s just. he’s gonna miss his loved ones so much.

he closes his eyes, breathes out of a broken chest one more time. his lungs are too tired to inflate again.

distantly, he can hear his friends calling his name, but he’s just…so tired…

there are soft murmurings from the other one for all users, but midoriya can’t make them out anymore.

all he can really hear is a ringing in his ears, an echoing call of, “Midoriya!” but he cant…

he hasnt done nearly enough. he doesnt feel like he deserves this rest.

but…all for one is gone. surely he can take a few minutes for himself?

yes, that should be fine.

the world falls away.

#fun fact! i cried while writing this #also holy SHIT this got long im so sorry djkfjnkd #i just. have feelings #oh shit #also i learned how to finally add a read more link to go me #anyway im in tears #me: midoriya is my favorite character!#also me: what good is mha angst if midoriya doesnt fucking die in it huh #anyway u have simultaneously fed and hurt me with this ask #im cry #midoriya izuku #c makes a word #answer

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waitingonthewind · 5 years

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i started a temp job today, 2 shifts organizing cleaning and refilling amenities. the building is full of lovely people and it feels like im spectating a community. i also received 9 compliments today. 5 from women, 4 from men. all 5 of the compliments from the women felt genuine and sincere. 3 of them were a group, complimenting about the socks i was wearing, and how theyd just been talking abt fun socks, and also that my dress was really nice too

of the 4 from the men, only one didnt make me want to crawl out of my skin. 3 of the men were between 45-60 and the only compliment that felt genuine came from the youngest. incidentally also about my socks, accompanied by a comment abt his wife buying him socks. 2 of the 3 other dudes all Twice my age and Up talked about my outfit in regards to my body and appearance. Cheerful as can be, while im panicking about the fact that im stuck in an elevator with them.

not "i like your outfit", but "that outfit makes you look cute". it doesnt seem like much on paper but boy does it change how i feel about it.

#i hate it #i hate existing in a body #knife cut it out

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youryuri-x · 3 years

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₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ʕ•̫͡•ʔ ₍ᐢ._.ᐢ₎ ᐢ..ᐢ

Today has been up and down

Up and down up and down. It hasn't stopped. Not since morning...all i wanted was for you to have the best birthday.for you to be happy on your birthday. I wished and I manifested. And I'm so so happy to hear have had the the happy birthday you deserve.

Aw you looked so cute today...your birthday sash that was completely adorable on you and odlysuited you really well...i thought you looked so so good in it...every day I look at you.

Hehe you really did look like 'the king of the day' , or whatever it said on that sash...

I take a moment (it many) to take in your beauty. I'm always shocked at how much of an immense amount of beauty you posses...its like every day your beauty gets more and more ethereal...

You always just radiate this aura that attracts me so much...whether it's through your beauty or through anything you do...its just wow.

And today your aura was such a beautiful one. It was almost like you were glowing with the birthday fever of happiness and excitement, and as soon as you were in my presence I felt it too.

Seeing your 15 year old self for the first time was....wow.i

was feeling pretty on edge so when you came over to me as calm and as loving and cuddly as ever it made me so happy. That you stiw had time for me on your special day...it was such a huge comfort for me that you still cared about me even though it was your day...your perfect your perfect your perfect...

I said happy birthday to you and then you said it back hehe. It was rly cute and gave off the kinda clumsy almost shy vibes.... I've never seen that vibe comimg from you before...or maybe it was just me that noticed that.

But yes the highlight of my day personally was that moment.when you came over to me excited and in a lil clumsy shy tizz, and I told you happy birthday and you said it back to me. That was one of the most cute things I've ever seen you do irl...i wanna hear you do it again....

The rest of that lesson, which was English went by.

I got the plesure of being able to look at my birthday boy being happy out of the corner of my eye while trying to write something down about lady macbeth or whatever.but ngl I was definitely more focused on you.

English is that lesson of the day where I can look at your side profile for 50 minutes streight. And I love your side profile just watching you talk to someone or look at the bird or my personal favourite thing to watch is you running your hands through your hair, and from the side I get the best veiw.

I swear most of what I do in English is watch you like your something very very interesting on the TV lol.

But your side profile...its like a ethereal painting of an angel...so beautiful...and also kinds hot at the same time...

But yes you are compleatly mesmerising to watch...so interesting...i physically can't take my eyes off you.

I try and look somewhere else but my eyes wonder their gazr to look back at you. And I don't blame them. Your beautiful so beautiful. My eyes just can't miss such beauty.theh are drawn to your beauty like a moth to a flame...

Sorry if I sound creepy...i probably am..its just that my eyes can't stop looking at you...

You make English lessons such a treat to my eyes..and to my imagination. My current favourite fantasy is of me biting your neck like some sort of vampire lol >~<

I can't help thinking it. Ik it probably sounds weird but your neck just seems to be calling me to take a lil bite.... (sorry im weird asf)

But then the bell rang desrupting my vampire ass fantasies and snapping me back into the real world where I needed to get to physics, and biting your neck unfortunately wasn't my main concern...

Pysics...

I got to the class sat down and..wellt thought about you ngl. Just in a general way. Panicked that everyone else had got you better stuff for your birthday, and that I haddnt done enough, since I was the one with the honour of being your girlfriend.

And I mean your basically a god so it's a pretty big honor...

I between these thoughts I was doing the actual work that needed doing, and turning round to cheak the clock despite having a watch on.

Anything to see a glimpse of you, the light of my life in a dull 50 minute gray morbidity that is also known as Pysics.

The main event in physics was when you walked to the front of the class, allowing my eyes to take in your whole immage. I basically held by breath and just focused on you till I started subconsciously fiddling with my stapler again and gazing at you, basically drooling under my mask and then...

I stapled my mf finger. Your mf beautiful self made me staple my finger. It diddnt really hurt, until it started pissing out blood. I put a plaster on it and it was fine, but it shows how much of a klutz I am, and also how much of a sucker for you I also am...

Then it was breaktime. I gave you your present, and told you not to open it in front of me. Ngl it was a selfish asf thing to say...i was really self conscious...beacuse I knew everyone had got you great presents, especially after you told me that naci had made such an effort for you...

[Ngl I envy naci. She what I want to look like. Be like. I mean she has my old best friend and knows you I should stop lol. But just if your ever reading this, I've been envious of her ever since I've first saw her. Life isn't fair why can't I look like her?! I swear you'd be with her if I wasn't there...shes just wow. I wanna me her yknow lol? 🥺😩😩]

But yes I was really self conscious, and feeling in my full on jelous moody people hate mood, especially for the people who you were friends with...

It was probably down to the 3 hours of sleep I'd been getting for the last week each night, and the fact I'd been on the edge. But I feel really bad for saying that... I should have just lrt you open them...

Ngl I wish I'd have been able to see you put on a smile when you opened it. Put on the bracelet I made for you...too late now, but ig this will be a lesson to future me...

I swear allot of the time I use these blogs for getting better. Like being better to you cuz I read through my mistakes and I try to be better. That's why I'm making a note of these things lol.

Then I went with Angel beacuse I knew if I stuck around I could be a harard, being a jelous sleep deprived slightly Yandere aspie girl, I just decided to remove myself, cuz I was feeling like a big angry self concous raincloud and wanted to stay out of your way to give you the best day possible lol.

So then it was biology a lesson of looking at your extreamly attractive back profile....

And half listening to miss heart go on about the heart, ofc. All i knew was my heart circulates my blood around my body for you. Cuz your the one who makes it beat. And you make it beat fast.

I was watching you..ehehe I sound creepy. I pretty much am ngl. Sorry...i don't wanna make you uncomfy but I csnt help it.

I usually see you and fin pissing about during bio, but this time you squeezed his thigh. It made me pretty angry. That you would do this in my full view. It made me god damn angry, ngl. I mf wanted to lean over the best and squeeze your thigh, just so you'd know I'd seen. But ofc I diddnt do that. I'm too introverted. Doesn't stop me from getting angry and kinda hurt about it.

I mean im usually pretty sensitive about stuff like that. When your too close to someone when you know I'm around, watching or could see it. I try and egnore it with you and Sam. I don't like being angry and sensitive, especially not to you.

But sometimes it feels like I need to set some boundaries. Cuz you clearly dont see that there are boundaries of getting a lil too close to someone in the full view of your jelous asf possessive gf!!

Despite her not saying a word about it ever to you, trying to hint it to you, hoping you'd look back on these times and realise how they make me feel you haven't stopped. Ngl it doesn't bother me in the long term at all. I've got used to it. I got used to it with Sam pretty quick. But I always feel a lil uneasy when your too close for comfort or too flirty with someone else where I can see it even if it is just for a joke.

It makes me more uncomfortable becuase then it's like wtf are you like behind my back? If you think it's ok to do that in front of me? Everytime I think about I start crying ngl tears and all. I like to think I'm special to you and get special treatment I have no idea tho.

Your a charming guy with little boundaries. I don't expect much loyalty...i don't need loyalty I just your affection and love . Sorry for mentioning this if you ever see this pls think over what I've said.

That type of stuff really hurts me. When you do it in front of my eyes the thought thya your doing worse behind my back, even if it isn't serious, even if it's just for a joke.

I'm a sensitive little shit in reality, and I actually cried over your Instagram post becuase my insecure selfish ass was getting uncomfortable abt the video of you and naci >~<

Idk it just diddnt sit right with me that you put it on your ig where I could see. Idk if your seeing what I mean. Put yourself in my shoes about it...

But yes sorry.

Bio ended at it was lunch. I tried sitting with the group and it drained me I needed dto be be somewhere else where I could sink into the world of my mind, and the way I do that is through tumblr. Making sense and note of the things in my head.

I sat by jake. We diddnt really talk there was no need neither us us wanted a conversation I just felt comfortable cuz I knew I wasn't comoleatly alone. Jake was there so I spent lunch manifesting you a happy birthday. Obsessing over you and getting jelous. Being pulled into short depressive random states

Thinking about you. Listening to a capella ariana grande until I felt selfish enough to crawl back into people territory, to get some attention. I wasn't quite on jakes level yet I still needed some degree of people. I pushed down all my negative emotions and watched you lie on the grass for a few minutes, before you went, left me and I cried, becuase my self worth had randomly dropped, and I was thinking about the whole thing I explained earlier. I put on a smile and no one noticed. It made me feel numb. But then I saw how much fun you were having and was happy for the rest of the day, had an emotional high during French cuz I knew you were happy and that's all that mattered.

It was end of the day and time to get on the bus. One of the busses had crashed into my grandads car, the embarrasment of the family (according to my mum) and everyone was talking abt it lol.

I talked to a year 9 who knew kally and ened up giving me a hot spot so I could text you. I heard you liked what I'd got you so I ended on a possitive note.

I did two hours studding with my mum and did an orp with you. I was a lil off then tho I'm so sorry. I'm selfish. So selfish. But I gotta tell you how I feel. I can't hold it in anymore. What I've explained here is the only thing I'll shit talk you for

But yes. I' You've had the birthday you deserve. The birthday you really deserve and it makes m e feel so happy that you've got that. You've finally seen how much you matter to people. How many friends you have. How many people like and love you and I'm so glad you've seen that. Seen the amazing person you are x

. Sorry for being a whiny bitch. In a way I almost hope you see this...

But yes for one last time happy birthday my love x

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killemall1989 · 7 years

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All of the flowers!!!

well shucks if u insistDAISY: How old were you when you had your first kiss?i was 7 issa living

CARNATION: If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?fuuuucc either tyler the creator or declan mckenna

JASMINE: What color looks best on you?black (hes a goth bitch)

FOXGLOVE: Name three facts about your family?1. doesnt function well2. everyones sad3. doesnt function well

ALLIUM: What’s the best thing you can cook?chicken fettucini alfredo ??? probably. i am more of a baker,,

ORANGE BLOSSOM: If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?nah wtf thats weird dude

CALLA LILY: If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?born again by josh garrels ???? idk man an instrumental of a song def though

POINSETTIA: Favourite holiday dish?gingerbread does that count idk

OXLIP: Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?i mean i have in the past so probably yeah. if the feelings are there and strong.

PRIMROSE: Favourite kind of soup?dumpling soup

DAFFODIL: What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?a guitar probably

ROSE: Are you currently in love with someone?yeah and it sucks like dont do it

AMSONIA: Would you ever become a vegan?im a vegetarian lmao so yeah if i could manage without dying,, i was vegan before but i couldnt swallow the vitamins my weak body required

PEONY: What’s your favourite hot beverage?german chocolate mocha binch

TULIP: For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?cheesecake

MYRTLE: Do you like going on airplanes?i like airports but not airplanes

HIBISCUS: Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?i play a few ya. as previously mentioned, guitar. violin, which is my favorite. ukulele. kalimba. bass guitar. and i dabble in like… most others

ZINNIA: Who was your best friend when you were six years old?that same girl i kissed when i was 7

POPPY: What color was your childhood home?v faded blue

HYDRANGEA: Starbucks order?none…

VIOLET: Do you like where you’re from?no i dont im from alaska which fuckin SUCKS its the most boring place ive ever been plus its part of america and… dont? get me started?

LOCUST: What was your favourite book as a child?where the sidewalk ends by shel silverstein

RHODODENDRON: What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had?ooooh boy okay here’s this nightmare i had when i was like seven.so i was at this weird famous landmark (idk it doesnt exist irl); it was a castle and there was a bridge leading to it, but the piece of bridge that was connected to the castle had collapsed long ago. so you could only walk on the bridge, entry into the castle was not permitted as it was sort of in ruins. all that was rly intact was a tower. but anyways there were a bunch of tourists there on the bridhe, and i got lost in the crowd. seperated from my family. so i was like? where is my brother? cause he’s a couple years younger than me and i worry about him. and i heard a cry from that tower, so i freaked out cause it sounded just like him. well i being a delinquent make my way off the bridge and run through the shallow waters to the tower, trying to find him. the towers all stairs so i climb them, and when i finally reach the top it’s just this fucking torture tower and i’m like OH NO. and my brother isn’t there so i’m like OH NO. and i look around and realize there’s a woman in some gown that’s clearly from the same era as this castle. it’s all torn up and stained and such. but she looks young - like 20? so nothing makes sense. she notices me when i stare, and looks at me, and drops what i then notice is a knife she was cleaning. so i freak out and can’t breathe but she keeps staring at me and i’m like wow i’m really gonna die. and then she just starts smiling and she’s like “run.” and i can’t move and i’m worried about where the hell my brother actually is and i don’t run. so she starts screaming RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN! as she walks towards me and i finally get my legs to work and i run, downt the stairs, out of the tower, through the water, and she’s just walking after me, and i’m crying from fear, and i start running through the crowded bridge again trying to get help but no one will listen, and i turn around and see her in the crowd but no one else does, and i run again, and i trip, and she catches up to me and kneels down beside me and she’s like “not fast enough.” and i wake up then, and i’m actually crying, even though it was just a nightmare. but i can’t move. cause i have fucking sleep paralysis. and i start panicking. and i look to my bedroom door. and she’s fucking standing there with that cocky smile. and i think i’m screaming but no sounds coming out. and she’s just there.this nightmare reoccured at least ten times over the course of a year and each time i woke up with sleep paralysis and i saw her in my doorway.

QUEEN ANNE’S LACE: Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?wrap presents, i love wrapping presents.

MAGNOLIA: Favourite kind of candy?starbursts 500%

ASTER: Would you rather be cold or hot?coldcoldcold i hate being hot like what can i do abt that nothing i wanna be cold gimme blankets

MARIGOLD: Do you listen to what’s on the radio?yes ofc like im not gonna listen to humble

HELICONIA: Do you like when it rains?yes sometimes

AZALEA: What’s a movie you cried while watching?one of the trillion movies ive watched that made me cry was comet that movie turns me into a bitch baby cuz i really relate to a character in it aha

DANDELION: Do you think you’re important?sometimes i do other times not so much

#ask #thecrocdong #long post

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pinkcloudsnightlightbell-remade · 5 years

Text

I belong deeply to my trauma and not myself and it fucking sucks.

I got happy about this unit that came in the mail from a wig reviewer selling her lace front she dyed on Depop and excited BU T LIKE i only had mere minutes to feel good before I ended up trying and failing to articulate how my emotions are contextualized and my feeling of actually accessing fashion and self expression through that hair and potential makeup aka accessing a different gender presentation on my terms in a way that makes sense to me. Like I tried to write a paragraph or a short post or a tweet or a short memo and deleted that shit and rewrote my ideas and complained and deleted everything again-It really put me down in the fucking dumps like Im still a little outside of my own body and fucking panicking I just wanted to share my feelings. In amidst grieving and self loathing abt how Im too depressed to function and growing issues with social dysphoria and body image this wig gave me something not just to distract me but empower. I had a really momentous moment of UNCLENCHING my heart and ALL because I couldnt put it down in words, my heart fucking sank like Titanic like...whew

I know I can bear witness to and adjust to the tragedies in my life but despite the fact that I know better and in spite of this pocket of happiness, this all feels frivolous and feels like Ive chosen to be transgender and it makes a really mean part of my head start pushing buttons that make me feel like Im about to break the fuck dowb. I started to feel good for 0.00001 seconds about my choices in my life and not to "make trauma my whole identity" to quote Ms. Tarana Burke but these cognitive fog episodes make me feel like an unknowable clay-thing, like a fucking moon alien, like I'm a petrified fucking slug of a no-good piece of $hit who's imitating a human being and incapable of deciding how to move on. I recently started to feel okay about how I cope with my childhood trauma and how I'm making (rocky) progress the same way that I recently have been more aware that I am moving through life as a trans and nonbinary being, since more than ever I have people who actively know I am not cis, people who used to garner my trust. That ties into how I recently started feeling about getting out there one day and dating and it's all intertwined. I cant forgive myself for not being in control of it all during ONE SINGLE MOMENT OF HAPPINESS because I cant afford to be myself with my blood and my home that I have to live in until I move out. Im making so many mistakes and they occupy so much of my time but I at least have to have words. Cognitive fog takes that away from me it literally just kills me🕳🤸‍♀️

TL;DR Persisting through fucked up ADHD and being in such a bad fucking place is such a trip like!!!!!!!! Is it over? Can I go back to being happy again??? Im over myself 👽👽👽like let's get back to regularly scheduled programs a.k.a. being at least a little confident abt my gender presentation like P.L.E.A.S.E.

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throwawayblog-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Dirk @prettyboypng or mod jas @gbptboys is a pedophile and manipulative

@prettyboypng other URLs he’s used include aroacehawkeye, planet-eater, dyscalculiacdonnie, officialbrobot, ocpdmaxie, bipolardirk, deadglitchkid, circuitsbreaker, swordself, deadmettaton, soulrxsonance, chipotanakni, and shadeslayer

i’ve included specific warnings in front of paragraphs and receipts, but global cws for suicide baiting, emotional abuse, csa, pedophilia, and child porn solicitation.

whether you read this or not, i would strongly recommend blocking and staying far away from dirk if you’re a minor.

uhh, i’ve never made one of these things before. i am writing this post because he’s continually managed to brush his actions off and manipulate how people perceive him so he just seems like a victim of unfortunate friend drama, and with the content of his actual actions, i find this frankly really fucking disturbing and i don’t want other people to be hurt or taken advantage of by him. I’m tired of him escaping accountability.

i’ll split this into two parts. the account concerning csa will be first, and then i’ll be adding mine and other’s experiences with him below.

#child porn cw #pedophilia cw #csa cw this section will address csa and child porn solicitation

so this doesnt come from me, but from a minor who had been friends with dirk for a while and recently began suspecting they’d been sexually abused by him. i’ve been asked to rewrite what they told me in my own words and keep it totally anonymous in the interest of their comfort and safety, so i’ll be replacing any mentions of their name with lark.

lark mentioned that when they first met dirk they admired and idolized him and made that very apparent to him, and also that they dont ever remember being excessively complimented and praised by him like most everyone else was (i describe this happening below), which they believe is evidence of emotional manipulation and not just a coincidence.

lark confided in me that, despite how immediately beforehand dirk would ask lark if they were a minor and they would say yes, he talked to them about intensely personal nsfw subjects, such as masturbation, and his sexual desires. he would also express frustration when lark would mention having a crush on anyone but dirk, even though dirk shouldn’t have any reason to want a minor to be interested in him, even jokingly. he did this after he had turned 18, and while knowing that lark was a minor having literally just asked them himself, as if that absolves him of any fucking responsibility.

lark also recalled another incident where they and a friend (who was an older minor at the time) got onto the subject of drugs, alcohol, and nudes and other sexual pictures while in a conversation with dirk. their friend sent a suggestive picture of themself, and dirk sent one that he’d accidentally taken while taking photos for his nsfw blog (which lark stressed they and their friend ended up having access to, something that dirk brushed off because it was a ‘cool URL’). it eventually culminated in lark feeling pressured to send a suggestive photo of their own, which dirk did nothing to stop beyond reverse-psychological platitudes like “dont feel pressured to just because we’re doing it”. dirk did nothing to tell lark or their friend “hey maybe dont send sexual pictures of your bodies to me, because theres no reason that i would want to encourage that sort of thing as an 18 year old adult man, unless i’m a fucking predator.”

i understand this is a very serious thing to be presenting especially without receipts, but i’m an adult and wouldn’t feel comfortable handling receipts of that nature because it concerns sexual events with a minor, and warning people about dirk while maintaining anonymity is really important to lark.

this section will address emotional manipulation and bullying, specifically concerning me and my wife @gendfleur

i should start by saying that i don’t have many receipts for my own claims about him because i don’t have access to all of his old blogs where some of the worst of the posts were, and i’ve also changed computers so i can’t grab any of our old Skype logs. i’m conscious of how this might make people even more critical of my claims, and so i’ve taken care to remember as much as i can and to be as detailed as possible with the receipts i do have.

some brief background about my friendship with him: we met in september 2014 through a homestuck fictionkin skype group, and were close until june 2015, when i cut off our friendship. rose had been qpps with him since before the network was made, and they broke up in december 2015.

towards the latter half of our friendship he started flipping between showering me in positive attention and then ignoring me cold shoulder, which was kind of a red flag for what was about to happen.

dirk has a habit of giving people excessive praise and admiration often in public tumblr posts, making them feel special and wanted, and then making extreme emotional demands and using passive-aggressive bullying tactics, such as deliberate ignoring and vagueposting, to manipulate his friends into complying with them. he’s done this in private with almost everyone i know who has experience with him, and he’s also done this publicly with his mutuals in the past.

example posts of this from his old blog @circuitsbreaker, plus transcripts:

http://archive.is/qnrRl

[sorry i know you guys don’’t care i'l geta round to replying to the nice replies i got earlier later okay]

http://archive.is/fD6F3

[*keeps refreshign to see if someone wil lsay “no i care!”* *nothing* okay]

http://archive.is/3znpI

[mkay yall will get Up in Arms when i make a joke abt a dairy product but when i have my posts tagged #like/reply if u read# or im asking for help or posting about something thats important to me yall drop off the face of the blogosphere……. alright]

http://archive.is/hqHC5

[nobody cares about me and nobody cares about what i say and nobody cares about things that are important to me and nobody listens to me anyway and nobody cares about me !! haha nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

http://archive.is/0ronD

[i really am leaving i was jsut saying gn to rose but js Proof most everonye deosnt actually cae: really big difference on notes on my post saying no one cares and then on all my other posts. yall just dont want me to be Sad well heres a thing u can prevent it by Liking my Posts if you Read them like i have In the Tags now! conveicneit right. whatever]

and because these posts are a little old (the most recent of those was january 27 2015) here’s an example from a more recent blog of his, @soulrxsonance, proving that even half a year later (this was posted august 25 2015) with less frequent guilt-trip posts, he hadn’t actually changed his behaviour

#self harm cw http://archive.is/XECIx

[thanks like, the one personwho said anything to glaceon (note: a system member of his) when she asked for thanks for stopping me from self hamring,thaks everyone else for not,caring,atall,thanks,the intrents abotut o be turned off so bye]

wrt me specifically, i’m schizophrenic and autistic so social interaction is really exhausting. this is something i made very obvious by talking about it casually around him and in tumblr posts that he could see, but despite that he went out of his way to make me feel shitty for not being able to live up to his demands (they were random and hard to discern because he would never be straightforward about it but usually if i failed to be present for his breakdowns, like all his posts, tell him frequently that i loved him, talk to him whenever i had free time, or other exhausting bullshit then he would start the guilt-tripping), and often in a very roundabout way through vagueposting and ignoring me, which he would also get increasingly frustrated at me for not understanding... despite the fact that i’m...... schizo and autistic, so i’m shit at understanding social subtleties and hidden messages in peoples behaviour. i have no doubts that he understood this about me also, and yet he did nothing to de-escalate his behaviour.

one clear example of this that i can remember but can’t find a receipt for is when he was having a meltdown on tumblr and was asking for people to tell him they loved him, but after it was over he confessed it was just because he was trying to get someone specific to say it, who he was afraid didnt like him as a friend anymore. this was really obviously about me, because it was around the end of our friendship when he was already namedropping me when he thought i wasnt online like ‘i dont think cerb cares about me anymore’ (which is relatively innocuous but when aggregated with everything else he did, really goddamn bothered me)

another example i remember is when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian after id’ng as a trans guy for the entirety of my friendship with him up to that point. i came out through a post on my blog and stated that i’d had to contest with internalized trauma and abuse to get to a point where i could admit i was lesbian, and he vagued about this later on, saying roughly ”a lot of my friends who used to be trans dudes have been coming out as nonbinary girls lately and it makes me feel like my boyness might be fake too”. i understand that he’s also trans and so i can imagine the thought process behind making a post like that, but i still found that incredibly insensitive and maybe even borderline misogynistic of him.

being friends with dirk was making me suicidal because of the stress of his manipulation (and at this point, trying to interact with him when i was able seemed to be fruitless because he would usually ignore me anyway). so, one night in june 2015 i sent a very diplomatic message to him saying, in essence, “i love you but this isnt healthy for the both of us, and im sorry if im misreading but i think this is for the best”, and then deleted him and unfollowed him.

this is where i remember things getting really, really scummy and panick-inducing for me, because he started vagueing and namedropping me even more frequently, on his public blog for all his friends and my friends to see. i dont know the real extent of this because it seems he deleted certain posts at some point and i was never interested in checking his blog to see for myself back then, but i had mutual mutuals coming to me for months, telling me that he was running his shit off saying something vicious about me.

an example of this (i know this is kin drama lol, and i want to emphasize that i’m aware dragging petty kin drama into posts like these is usually frowned upon, but what i’m focusing on here is how wildly he blows me just fucking finding a kintype out of proportion and the fact that i only talked about this on my blog after i cut him off, strongly implying that 1) he was stalking my blog 2) he was getting someone else to stalk my blog or 3) someone following me was relaying info about me to him for kicks)

http://archive.is/0s9QJ

[tfw someone who told you you couldnt be friends with them anymore is now kin of yourere favorite fucking pokemon thats also incredibly personallyyl important to you because it reminds you of good parts of your childhood and of good memories of your family an firneds and its just a really personal thing and now it FUCKGGKKNGNG RIUIIENEND OFOOFOOFREVVVVVVVVVVVEER]

here’s a statement by @comorbird, a good friend of mine who was also mutuals with dirk and had access to his vent blog after i deleted him

#death wish cw #stalking cw

it kind of speaks for itself. this also proves my suspicions that he stalked my blog.

like, i get being upset over losing a friend. i’d understand it if, instead he vented about it in private.

but the fact that i knew he berated me openly, on his public blog for all our friends and mutuals to see, was fucking humiliating, triggered my paranoia very badly, and kept me on edge for months. i’m still appalled that he would do that instead of at the very least keeping it to private conversations, especially since he knew that i’m schizophrenic and that i struggle with paranoid delusions and that sort of shit. and even then, wishing someone who very politely distanced themselves from you was dead and stalking their blog is a ridiculous, extreme reaction to have.

rose was part of our friend group, and shie had been dirk’s qpp since before i knew them both. in the latter half of dirk and i’s friendship, hyr and i became pretty close, at some point even admitting we’d developed crushes on each other. in our talk about this (probably sometime in april or march 2015?) rose told me, roughly in hyr words “i’d totally be down for romantic dating but dirk gets jealous really easily so i’m afraid of broaching the subject with him. maybe sometime in the future though.” eventually rose came to realize that this was evidence that shie felt like dirk was controlling hyr romantic life despite them only being platonic partners, and we said fuck it and started dating in august 2015, after i stopped being friends wtih him just to clarify.

dirk noticed that we stayed close after i cut him off, and he unapologetically guilted rose for being friends with me and then eventually for dating me, bringing up how much he hated me in front of hyr and expecting hyr to go along with it, and getting very frustrated when shie would defend me or shy away from the topic. this had a really negative affect on hyr for a long time, forcing hyr into meltdowns and making hyr suicidal to the point of being institutionalized involuntarily around july or august 2015, and he did nothing to stop himself or tend to hyr hurt feelings. shie felt like shie couldn’t publicly talk about me lest shie would make him upset, while i was genuinely suffering panic attacks whenever i saw him on my dash.

so like i mentioned, rose was institutionalized against hyr will, and as this was happening dirk decided it would be a great time to contact me in an effort to... reconcile for rose’s sake, i guess. i don’t doubt he only decided to do so at that point to escape possible accountability for allowing the situation to boil over like that, and so he could safely make me feel like shit in a situation where i was under tremendous pressure to just smooth things over, especially since he brought in a friend of his to 'mediate’ or whatever (not their fault, i totally blame him for that). for the whole time he just told me how shitty he felt for me to “cut him off so suddenly”, how it “fucked him up”, that “he couldn’t really trust anyone after that” - and when i asked if i could also unload, he refused on the grounds that it would “just make him angry again and ruin his mood”.

rose has also confided in me countless times about the endless emotional demands he made on hyr, and the vicious guilt-tripping he would subject hyr to when shie couldn’t meet them. shie is also very mentally ill and was struggling a lot at this point in hyr life with being homeless and going in and out of inpatient care.

it’s also important to mention that dirk called both rose and i his “dependeds” (a term for people with dpd to refer to specific people they tend to rely on emotionally more than others), and he used that as a tactic to turn us into objects with no needs of our own, and to force us to feel morally responsible for him. this was something he dropped on me with no warning a couple months before i cut things off, and to be forced into that kind of responsibility without even asking me if it was okay made me very uncomfortable. i’m not blaming him for having dpd or saying all people with dpd are like that, but it was just another thing he specifically did.

i do have some receipts for what i described above.

these are some examples of him vagueing about rose on tumblr, which i feel demonstrate some of the guilt-tripping tactics he used, making sure that rose would come back to his blog and see how badly he was doing when shie couldn’t be there.

http://archive.is/IKY2k

[nattt (note: a nickname dirk had for rose) isn t onlune i skyed fleur (note: old pronouns rose used to use) when i s=woke up and fleur hasnt responded pelase goet back online so i ew can wtchsomething]

http://archive.is/75VVb

[lms if yo u like me more than you like horizon (note: an alternate name that rose uses) edit.// and dontnn fucking lie to make me feel better]

http://archive.is/Lar3j

[“hm wow my depended isnt here and idk when fleurs coming back so i guess i better throw myself into listening to aesthetic and/or angsty indie bands and only caring about that” - me, apparenalty,]

http://archive.is/po2Cn

[i know im fukkincg pathetic i know im a huge fucking loser for not doing anyhting like this earlier and i know im gonna be in the club with people who have been fucking doing this since like middle shcool or some shit!!!! jsut tell me if i should go to the meeting or not ffuckkginf my dpended is unreachable ust fukcing tell me what to do please thankss]

this chain of posts is specifically about times when rose was in the hospital, which goes to show how goddamn classy he is for using hyr suicide attempts to make hyr feel like shit

#overdose cw http://archive.is/nMGV4

[the last tiem the ac went out rose fucking ovserdosed so im (:]

#suicide cw http://archive.is/duyCL

[LIk e last time fleur was ther e for fuckkkign 2 weeks or a month o r something and we called each other nearly every day and i stil lwanted to fucking kms adn now its been like a week minus the weekend and i havent heard a fucking wor d and idk if fleurs okay or if fleurs staying longer or if fleur thinks im mad or if fleurs mad at me or fi fleur doesnt want to talk to me or hates me or is leaving me o r if fleurs calling someoen elese nstead of me or if fleur s even fc uk kign A l i v e anymore and its tearing me up. thats meant to be tering like tearing paper not taering like crying]

http://archive.is/jKwGV

[i keep having dreams that fleur will just pop up in the group chat im in with fleur, replying to smth, with no explanation, no hello, no hey im back, and ill be like “woah woah woah,, are you back? is that u?” and fleurs like yeah ofc and im like “ur really here right, its not a Dream,” and fleurs like “no im really back!!!” and im like “im not gona wake up and u wont be htere right” an d fleurs like no dw omf but. here we fucking are.]

http://archive.is/1pPmq

[i bet rose hmfucking hates me and doesnt ever want to talk to me again or doesnt care about me at all its either that or fkeurs Afuckign DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

these posts are from after they broke up, but also show how guilt-trippy he was

http://archive.is/61QZf

[fleur didnt “see me in fleur life anymore really :/” and then when i shut down and fleur asked to break up and i said fine fleur was all relieved bc fleur was worried abt my reaction like 1. i guess im that fucking pathetic and predicatlbe and fucjckkdfnknlsd fscc d tht fleur just knows im gonna flip out and was already scared to talk to me bc of it Lol 2. ii fucking was already broken up w fleur ever since fleur said fleur didnt see me in fleur life anymore but didnt want to brekau p uwu like what the fuck does that mean who says that everyone i lvoe is just going t o fuckingn tlel me they dont see me in their life none of them really do rn anyywaso]

#gore text cw #neck trauma cw http://archive.is/ilXdx

[idk i just idk fleur cares so much for hym and i cant do it it makes me want to cut my throat open and i dont even care about fleur anymore but im still upset about it i just cant do it im gonna take out my contacts and have a big cryfest]

these are examples of him playing the victim wrt to me cutting him off

http://archive.is/L9VFF

[no wonder he cut me off i deserved it i deserve all bad thigns i m such an annoying piece of shit im surprised he was even friends with me in the first place no wonder he cut me off im horrivle and annoying and more work than im worth no wonder they left me im not worth it im not worth anything no wonder fleur didnt fight for me or take my side or care at all im not worth it i dont deserve anything]

http://archive.is/uRTlR

[i thought i was one of hys closest friends but he cut me off like i was nothing and no one even fucking knew he did it until i told them he did. also fleur fucking knew that he was planning on doing it and didnt say a word to me this entire time until months after when i was having yet another massive breakdown about it so glad to know i mean absolutely nothing to the people who i see as literally the most important people in my life and that my not being in their life doesnt effect them at all and they dont even care to tell me when theyre talking about me behind my back about how annoying i am and how one of them is going to leave me in the dust]

http://archive.is/yKvpZ (it’s pretty long so i’ll just paste some choice bits)

[because of one of my past close friendships im fucking terrified everyone whos important to me is actually just planning on and thinking about how/if they should abandon me.] [mm fuffkkcinng iim so sfucked up over this honestly it was suppsoed to be ““““““““the best dcisisiong uuwuuwuwu” or sommemthing and its fucking ruining my life i cant thin k and i cant talk to anyone and i cant not talk to anynoen] [and i dont ahve any sort of reason to know or think or beleive that this wont happen because that ther person was thinking about it for fucking weeks and weeks] [fucking weeks and weeks of planning on leaving me and pretending everyhting was fine, of me thinking we were friends! of me trusting that person! of caring! i cant fucking trust anyone and that person doing that literally just prved it]

http://archive.is/QEIH2

[i dont even remember how long ago that happened honestly . its just kind of melting into “last month” the same way missioui is just “last year” #adn im fucking reliving it over constantly just like missouri how great! the 'clean break' systme really fucking works doesnt it! really fuc]

#suicide baiting cw for this last paragraph. eventually rose and dirk broke up around december 2015 (idr exactly) and then he blocked hyr unceremoniously, and it was at this point that rose went to his vent blog to unfollow it and saw a post that said, roughly “i hope cerb fucking kills hymself and that rose is devastated about it”. i don’t have a receipt for this because he’s since changed the url of the blog or deleted it altogether. it’s not all that surprising to me anymore anyway, with what i learned from sid telling me that he wished death on me pretty frequently.

that’s the end, i guess. if you have any questions i can try to answer to the best of my ability, i’m doing my best to be honest and transparent about this so i’m happy to clear up any confusion. please block dirk for your own safety, especially if you’re a minor.

#ok to reblog

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avasilvugh · 7 years

Text

super-sensate-seestras replied to your post

“Who do u think the superbabies will date?? :D (also since stella looks...”

I would love to hear more about Stella and Beth's relationship drama cause I absolutely love all of these breakdowns about the superbabies

WELL FRIEND there’s other drama too but this is the Major drama that hinders their relationship for a long time

so stella know she has a crush on beth, has been like aggressively ignoring said crush and tryin to Live Her Life and its been a year since stella came out, came to terms and she’s just started her nighttime shenanigans as a vigilante, just started trying to help the way kara does, the way maia does and its going ok??? until she. you know. gets stabbed (LIGHTLY STABBED) and is like hmmm i feel as though i should reassess maybe

and then beth’s back in national city after graduating early with like three bachelors (xenobiology, nanotechnology, and engineering) and at least one masters and a corresponding doctorate (in something sciencey, listen im barely an english major), working at l-corp bc she’s a Documented Genius and stella wants to step up her vigilante game, especially since she recently was lightly stabbed and doesnt rlly want that to happen again, and beth’s always been rlly calm and steady, very logical and she keeps all of maia’s secrets, so stella approaches her a little reluctantly to see if she’s willing to help and beth gives her this long, searching look and finally agrees, designs and builds her a new suit with a shitton of gadgets, is the main reason stella starts getting called mechagirl by the press but only helps with stella’s promise that beth can then help with actual missions bc like?? beth cares about her a lot too, doesnt want to see her die ya know??

and it’s weird?? bc now she’s friends with beth in her own right??? works alongside her a lot and beth serves as her tech person, finds her jobs she can do that supergirl or birdy (maia’s superhero alter ego) haven’t gotten to yet and national city gains a new superhero pretty much bc of beth. and then its a late night of saving ppl and stella comes back to her apartment/headquarters and beth’s still there, wrapping up some end of night reports (she insists on keeping detailed logs in order to avoid any issues with the cops later on) and she’s ordered stella’s favorite takeout, put it in the oven to warm for her and stella’s so grateful and also pretty tired?? rlly tired and beth basically lives with her and sometimes the proximity blurs lines in stella’s mind and so she just leans down to kiss beth, murmurs thank you sleepily and goes into her room to change. and beth’s just sitting there?? like oh my god, the girl i’ve been in love with for months just kissed me and she doesn’t even realize it but then stella REALIZES IT and runs back out like shit im so sorry beth, that was so inappropriate of me but beths like?? wait do you not like me and stella’s like WAIT DO YOU LIKE ME????

surprise!! this is how stella finds out beth’s an alien and also how beth finds out stella’s an alien lmao. like. beth’s species has mental shields, similar to martians?? so stella’s never been able to read her or see in her mind but she never rlly tried to or even questioned it?? or even noticed bc she’s rlly empathetic anyway, reads body language rlly well, so she’s never known that beth likes her the way stella likes beth

like, later in their relationship, stella suddenly can read beth?? like rlly well and she’s like um what the hell and beth’s like oh, yeah, i stopped putting up the block and stella’s just like starry eyed like holy shit you trust me that much???

beth’s like uh yeah but dont let it go to your head you nerd

but are they smart abt this and admit their v deep feelings for one another then?? no. they just hookup and then keep hooking up, pretending like nothings changed, pretending like theyre not basically living together or doing all the shit Couples do but just refusing to tell anyone or acknowledge it at all. and it’s ok for a while?? its solid

but then stella’s suit malfunctions, gives her a nasty burn down her side and she begs beth to not tell anyone that she’s in the hospital, that she’s been hurt and beth’s like shit, stella, i can’t keep doing this bc they’re working with a budget of about eleven dollars, a starburst, and stella’s bus pass, building with shit from the scrap yard and old electronics from secondhand stores and beth wants stella to just tell her family she’s the new vigilante bc then they’d have access to better resources, then beth wouldn’t be so scared every time stella runs out to go save a family from a burning car or stop a bank robbery, but stella refuses, knows that it would be a battle to be accepted like this.

its a fight they’ve had for months before and then stella’s armor fucks up and beth just calls it. tells her that she comes clean or beth won’t help her keep almost dying, so stella tells her that she doesn’t need her and beth moves all her shit out of stella’s apartment and its all rlly quiet, subdued and its so fucking sad

she takes the job offer she has at wayne security in charm city (wink wink) and doesnt tell stella, stella finds out when she goes over to her moms and finds beth there, with maia and her moms and finn, all laughing and grinning and maia tells her that beth is getting her own department at wayne security, that she’s moving on friday and stella fakes a smile, congratulates beth before she leaves and that’s the end of it, she never sees beth again

but then stella wrecks her motorcycle. i think i mentioned once that stella is a little bit of an adrenaline junkie?? well she’s a huge adrenaline junkie and she was testing the limits of her newly redesigned bike, pushing it past 90, 120, 150 and then she just?? loses control of the motorcycle. it just spins out and stella tries to stop it, turns into the spin and pumps the brakes which slows it down enough that she doesnt just fucking die, but not so much that she’s not close to dying

beth is still her emergency contact. so beth gets the call, middle of the night, that stella danvers was in a wreck, is on the way to the hospital and that she should get here as soon as possible. but beth is a ten hour drive away and can’t possibly know that she’d get there soon enough, be there if....if it came down to stella not being alone. and. well. its not her place, never was. so she calls lena, tells her the emts called the last number stella called bc its so much easier that way, kinder to everyone she thinks

she still drives through the night to national city. gets there just a little after maia does, her eyes red and puffy from sobbing on the freeway, hands shaking a little. thank god no one asks why she’s there or why she’s this panicked, bc she’d probably tell them and she knows that’s the last thing stella would want (or, well. she thinks that at least). maia just sobs out that beth is the best friend for coming, holds onto her in this desperate, damp sort of hug and beth just stays quiet

beth doesnt stay after she finds out stella woke up, is going to be okay. she can’t right?? she shouldnt be here in the first place right??

so maia stays in national city to help stella in her recovery bc stella’s being stubborn and refuses to move back in with their moms, and maia figures most of her moping is to do with the fact she’s not allowed anywhere near her motorcycle anymore, but then she finds this one shirt that she knows is beth’s, knows beth has had since high school and its tucked under stella’s pillow and she puts it together pretty quickly. the way they were friends and then all of a sudden they werent, the way beth came running back to nc the second stella got hurt, that weird pulse of anger, hurt she felt when stella found out beth was moving to charm city. and like??? she doesnt know what to do with that information, she’s not sure what to feel or how to think about this so she just files it away for a later time, tucks the shirt back under stella’s pillow without saying anything

so eventually stella gets convinced to move back home, bc maia’s like hey. i dont mind living with you and i dont mind helping you, but the neighbors are starting to think its weird that i carry you up the three flights of stairs to your apartment every day so finally stella moves home and maia comes with her bc they’re finally in a good place again?? they finally worked things out between them from when they were kids and maia’s not about to leave stella, not when stella’s like finally started seeing her as another Certified Safe Place. so they’re back in their childhood bedrooms and then lena finds out about stella’s vigilantism. mostly by accident?? stella’s still p much out of commission until her body’s at a 100 percent again but lena finds the mask and its a whole Thing between them, the first time stella’s ever really fought with lena and then by natural extension, kara finds out and then maia clues in and then the whole family has an opinion on it and stella’s just like MCFUCK OFF

and maia?? is like desperately scared for her sister, and she’s angry and she’s hurt that she didn’t tell her, didnt think that she would do anything to help her, but she also knows how isolated stella feels, how helpless she must be feeling, how stuck she is, so she calls beth

and when beth is beating around the bush with it, playing dumb like idk why you’d call me?? stella and i really aren’t that close, maia just calls her out on it like. elizabeth, i know for a fact you were sleeping with my sister

yeah, oh. i have some words to share with you at a later date, but right now stella needs someone in her corner and that can’t be me

and beth doesnt like. doesnt even hesitate. she drives her shitty beat up jetta the ten hours it takes to get from charm city to national city and gets a shitty hotel and is so, so nervous?? bc what if stella doesnt want her here?? what if she never wants to see beth again??? but then maia’s texting, saying that the house is empty if she wants to talk to stella and she does, she really does, like? she didnt realize how big of a part of her life stella was until she was gone, until she had moved to a new city and met new people like she’s completely in love with stella, so she goes

stella opens the door and just stares for a second before she says that maia’s out for a while but beth just keeps looking at her and finally says it outright, says i’m here to see you, stella like its the most obvious thing in the world and stella’s so tired, she’s starting to close the door and she’s saying i dont need another lecture, i’ve had enough of those for a lifetime and beth lets her close it, knows her well enough to know she wont walk away from the door before beth does, so she calls through and says im not here to lecture you, stell. i just. i wanted to see you

the door opens

and its incredibly uncomfortable for a while, incredibly tense and when beth tries to ask her what’s going on, stella just hisses what, like you care? and beth like?? normally would fire back with something, normally would let this blow up into a fight but she’s thought about it, she really has, and she knows that any time she can have with stella is better than no time at all. that she’d rather take stella as she is, thrill seeking and too good for words and hard headed in the extreme, take the risks that come with her than have anything else. so beth nods. yeah. i care. i care a lot about you stella, and i shouldnt have forced you to make a decision like i did. but its scary when the girl you love doesnt see the same value in her life that you do and it was terrifying watching you leave every night and not being sure if i would wake up to your face on the news

and stella’s like?? shit. shIT, didn’t account for this at all. but beth is very steady, is giving her this even-keeled look, keeping her eyes on stella but not forcing eye contact and she finally stands, gets ready to leave

and she tells stella i love you. and believe me when i say that transcends boundaries like platonic and romantic. i love you, stella danvers, and i will always be here for you, in whatever way you want me to be and then she’s leaving

and stella has a choice to make, two paths she can take and she stands a little unsteadily and grabs beth’s hand and pulls her back

and she’s like im still pretty stupid, you’re aware of that, right? and beth laughs, refutes the statement as she rests her forehead against stella’s. you’re not stupid, stella, never stupid. a little dense sometimes... and stella laughs too before she admits, finally, i love you too, genius. and i dont think i can keep doing this without you? and she tries to backpedal, bc she’s worried she’s being manipulative or something but beth just shakes her head, says im going to kiss you now, ok? and stella’s nodding fast, tears finally starting to fall when it all hits her and then they’re kissing for the first time in six months and theyre maybe still kissing when everyone comes home and maia groans bc like i texted you specifically so i could avoid seeing this ugh you guuuyyysssss

#super-sensate-seestras #reply #supergirl #superbabies #stella danvers

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