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hiruzensux · 1 year

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FELLOW ENMA-FUCKERS!!!!! I REQUIRE YOUR AID IN A MATTER MOST GRAVE:

where does and doesn't he have fur??

(nothing explicit, just putting it under a readmore bc long)

somehow, despite the Hiruzen x Enma porn drawings* that have been floating around half-formed inside my skull for years now, it is only NOW that i realize: i have no idea what Enma looks like underneath that iconic fit

so analyzing the images:

on his head we see both furred (hair + beard + sideburns -zones) and seemingly non-furred (middle part of face) areas

(tail is furry, obviously)

his hands + feet are mostly non-furred, but there is fur on at least the back of his wrists + ankles visible below the edge of his sleeves(/l...leg sleeves? is that what they're called?? sleeves, but for legs instead of arms)

regarding his neck, without going through the episodes he's in, the only shot i've been able to find with the right angle seems to be this MTG/YGO-style card of him:

(the origins of which i do not know. fanmade? official merch? is the image a still from the anime, or was it originally drawn for this card? and by whom? i haven't bothered to try to find out, will update if i do. but anyway)

it looks like there isn't any fur on his neck (except maybe down the back underneath where his long hair hangs down and obscures the area)

we also do not see any chest fur extending up past his neckline

...and beyond this, we know nothing.

i'm already exercising some creative license in how tall to make him (i've got a working number BUT i'm not saying yet in case i decide it's completely wrong whilst trying to actually draw him lol), since a) manga evidence is limited + anime evidence inconsistent, and b) i habitually will just directly contradict canon if i have an idea i'm attached to anyway... so i've got no issue on principle with just filling in the blanks according to my whim...

but i'm kind of just not getting any clear impression of what to picture re: fur pattern

considering looking at photos of actual monkeys to see if i that gives me any ideas... but in that case, what kind of monkey??

it's also complicated bc in a lot of shots he looks to me more anthropomorphic than the avg monkey? (but this is harder to tell w/ primates than w/ other creatures anyway...) (and not to mention the limited pool of Enma reference imgs AGAIN, but damn... a tiny handful of manga panels, and then his brief anime appearance was in the middle of the arc that brought us some of THE most iconic moments in wonky-lookin Naruto animation. if that fight in the anime was my sole reference for Hiruzen and Orochimaru, i wouldn't be very sure how anthropomorphic they were supposed to look either lmao)

anyway.

do YOU have opinions about Enma's fur distribution?

thoughts on which monkey species he's based on?

got a monkey fursona?

any and all insights welcome 💖

(*update: i actually drew one if you want to see the the hilarious fur-placement i went with (just warning for. yknow. porn lmao.))

#monkey king enma #PANTLEGS.#that's probably a better term than 'leg sleeves'#fuck i forgot abt image credits #these were both yoinked straight from google images #should i add links to from whence i yoinked em?#(#i think 'from whence' is maybe redundant actually? like 'whence' already includes the 'from' or smth?#nnnn idk actually nvm don't listen to me #i got overconfident. tried to flex my Word Smarts.#i guess solving the leg sleeves mystery must've gone to my head #)#but yeah. i feel like i should have an image of where the fur is and isn't but im kind of stumped honestly #the voice of my self doubt: ''if you were a REAL furry you would KNOW the answer''#maybe one day i'll actually make a proper fursona #i tried one time. he was going to be a bat.#but then i realized i'd probably have to decide between him having wings or having hands. unless i did both. but that wouldnt be realistic.#if he's a bat then he's gotta have wings right? but will he be ok wothout hands? i could see that beinf really inconvenient.#but also: could he wear shirts? would they have to be those open-side bro tanks? bc i had strong feelings abt thos back then (high school)#and which way would his feet point??#and at that point i got too overwhelmed.#i've had lots of ideas since #but i haven't managed to develop any further than that #a lot of those didn't have fur though. so more accurately i'd be a scaly (or some things i dont know how to name. osteoderm-y? denticle-y?)#...#yeah these tags derailed harder than usual this time #anyway. for anyone still here. i eagerly await your thoughts re: the distribution of Enma's fur

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drewsaturday · 1 year

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actually i think another missed opportunity of not showing the girls debating the ritual is we didn't see anyone who might've been ready to just... give up rather than stoop to murder. i know ben was in that camp recently but he wasn't even included here jkl;sdkljf i kinda would've loved to see some despair outweigh some of the desperation vs. the girls with such intense survival instincts

#yellowjackets tag #ik lottie dying adds another layer bc they kinda have to do it to save her in their heads but it's just #interesting to me that #altho we have seen ben on the verge of giving up #the other girlies are kinda.... still determined to get home and maybe bc they still have #their whole lives ahead of them and people to go back to etc it makes more sense #but i also feel like the starvation shouldve knocked some into insane depression co07 style #like if i were shauna after losing my best friend and baby in traumatizing incidents i would probably be ready to end it all #BUT. actually i can see maybe the fact they HAVE already eaten people to be like 'dont let it be for nothing'#gotta survive bc otherwise what was the point #i just think 'you have to live because otherwise they died for nothing' carries more weight with ppl #theyve actually killed or let die intentionally #rather than accidental deaths #oh wait another thing i think if anyone voiced being ready to end it all they knew theyd be eaten nvm j;LKKLJ

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keeps-ache · 1 year

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eating pepperjack cheese out of the baggy while trying to keep this spicy cheese away from the cat while it's also burning that carp out of my tongue and it's barely gonna be 6 a.m. in a couple minutes

#just me hi #this cheese is abnormally spicy lol #like i think i've bitten into some actual jalepeno pieces #//also my nose is So stuffed rn #and for what!! >:/#//i couldn't sleep properly and it was Cold so i've been awake since four but techinally probably three #hh #//holy wow this cheese is spicy #might be too early for me to be having spicy cheese but i dunno if we have anything else rn lol #//i'm just sitting in the dark #eating spicy cheese #having succeeded in dispelling the cat's desire to eat cheese (fed her catfood)#nvm i take back that last part she has Returned #she's purring So Loud #you're not getting cheese !!! i'm sorry but you would scream and cry and then prolly get the runs #she's looking at me like 'no cheese ? no cheese for me ? 🥺 you'd do that to me ? not give me cheese ? when i'm being so nice ? 🥺 '#she's gently touching my wrist and looking longingly at my cheese #girl it has pepper in it. do you want to live #//ooohhh pop's awake :0 #i #m gonna have to explain why i'm up at 6 a.m. eating cheese #nvm he didn't say anything B)#everybody in this household knows we all have messed up sleeping habits. solidarity #//this cat man #LEAVE ME ALONE #she tried to kiss my cheese- DISPEL YOURSELF MISS.#she tried to kiss my cheese while i wasn't looking. unfortuneately she also stepped on my arm so she could almost-kiss my cheese and thus #alerted me #she's staring at the wall away from me now like she isn't trying to eat my spicy cheese #i know what she's doing [suspicion]

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the-furies · 3 months

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💰

sometimes wehn we're bored we like to plya a game of "what happens if we shove this thing into Inland's head" here's somee things that have happened so far:

it exploded

nothing (boring) (this is when i shoved my arm in their face)

nothing (thank god) (this is when i threw suggestion through her face)

it dematerialized

it got really pixelatedy

she gave me a kiss (this is when i gently put my face into hers :3)

generally speaking the consistency of the Pale in her face is like a slime? like the default slime texture you think of when you think of slime does that make sense. except it's also Sparkly and warm not cold like slime usually is. it's also tasteless btw.

#ask #thank you !!!#we need 2 do more experimence it's hard 2 kiss her because she doesnt have a face dammit #her idea of kissing is Gently engulfing our face in the pale btw which y'know.#y'know.#luckily im this world that means absolutely nothing can you imagine what the fuck that would do back in elysium. we'd all be dead probably #actually that's a lie isn't the cave filled with pale??? i forgot. haven't visited it in a hot minute [talking about our headspace]#no wait it's full of Fog. right that's a different beast entirely nvm

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chisungie · 3 months

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#lost how far i was into death is the only ending for the villainess manhwa #and im sure i read through like. waay further in novel form but obv its been long enough that the manga should be pretty caught up now #BUT OH MY GOD i picked a random chapter and iT WAS ECLISE(? girl whats the actual romanization for these names)#TELLING THE FEMALE LEAD TO LEAVE HIS COLLAR ON AND HE'L BEHAVE SO SHE WONT THROW HIM AWAY #GIRLLLLL 😭 i always felt so bad for him i think i liked all the male leads enough but he always. damn. he doesnt miss </3 #44597 #THE LATER CHAPTERS WHERE HE GETS CRAZIER(?) ARE WILD TOO BUT I FORGOT HOW CRAZY.. MF DO BE CRAZY THO 💀#also liked vinter.. forgot if he was any good in the end but hes v perceptive and a little manipulative but w good intentions #which sounds shitty but i swear it makes him interesting. forgot the other dudes tbh but i probably didnt like them 💀#loyal wolf guardian and clever bunny wizard.. my choices are funny im ngl #WAIT THERES THAT ONE GUY THAT LOVES PENELOPE THROUGH AND THROUGH.. THE ONE WHO SAVES HER FROM THE ISLAND RIGHT?#such a good guy i support that mf so hard ! but hes just not for me yk </3 #the brothers suck tho 🤷‍♀️ iirc #ohh its kallisto. hes hot tho #actually him saying he dgaf abt the empire and would run it to the ground if penelope wanted it is pretty lit too. team kallisto tbh #OUgH CALLISTO IS SO FUCKING FUNNY IM NGL #WATCHING PENELOPES FOCUS ON JUSTRAISING LIKABILITY FOR SURVIVAL TURN INTO HER ACTUALLY FALLING FOR CALLISTO IS SO AAAAAAA #nvm seeing his favourability for her vs eclise's just broke my heart. i hate him sm #penelope slowly and unconsciously realizing shes formed a real connection w these ppl outside of treating this like a game im going to sob #buT STILL NOT KNOWING HOW TO MAKR THAT 99% INTO A 100%.. PLEASR THAT MAN CAN READ YOU LIKE A BOOK HE KNOWS YOURE LYINGGG ��#ohhhhh then it all goes to shit and she doesnt trust anyone this is so pAINFUL STOP

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yiangchen · 11 months

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#the worst feeling in the world is knowing you need to let go of somebody but you just cant stop missing them #its especially hard when you actually got along super well and everything was fine until one thing happened that changed everything #and you wish you could just go back in time and make it so that it doesnt happen #but you cant #and i just...i wanna text him so bad rn and say nvm to what i said and that i miss him and i wanna be friends #but im always going to want more #and he really hurt me by leading me on so idk how we could be friends after that #im so lonely though and it makes me wanna compromise whats good for me and i HATE that #i think the worst part is that i probably could forgive him for leading me on #but i cant just get rid of my feelings for him #so i know i would just be pining for him and thats obviously not healthy #also i definitely shouldn't forgive him for the way he led me on because like...i deserve better and i KNOW that #its just hard #we really clicked #we used to talk all the time #like facetiming before bed and shit #and i miss that so fucking much #god #i fucking miss him

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muppetebbtide · 2 months

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discworld dashboard simulator

❓ ankhmorporkpolls

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

This is like that tsortian guy who had to pick between goddesses and started a war and then died. Or like paying the assassin's guild to kill you

🔪 treefroghousealumni follow

*inhume

🧙🏻 blackalisstan

piss off you posh knob

🍴 priestessofanoia

tbf I don't think the watch is wasting its time on this blue hellsite so ur probably safe there. the POSTMASTER however...

#sometimes I think only bloody stupid johnson could have come up with this fucking site

10,435 notes

🪻watchofficial follow

ALL'S WELL!

🍴 priestessofanoia

nvm lmao 😭

47 notes

☕ klatchmeifyoucan follow

#ppl on here are actually sooooo ankh morpork centric it's insane #'EVERYONE knows webblethorpe the unconscious' who??? why the fuck should I??? #like HELLO there's other places on the disc? #and klatch is NICER like omg

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unseenuniconfessions reblogged:

🦧 unseenuniversitylibrary

Ook

#SO TRUE KING

100,034 notes

Anonymous asked:

Is lord vetinari gay

🪄ramtopswitches answered:

Why would you ask us, a ramtops witches blog, this

50,432 notes

🔮 uucompetitiveeatingchamp follow

CALLOUT: @ /spanglersal (deactivated)

• started a Kickstarter to crowdfund a click of Captain Vimes & Errol then disappeared with the money and has gone completely ghost on everyone

• apparently stole over 100k

• cringe

2000 notes

Anonymous asked:

Blessings be upon this askbox

🌷queen-of-lancre answered:

I don't know if this is nanny pretending to be granny, or if it's actually granny, and I think I'm too scared to find out

435 notes

cmot-dibbler-enterprises sponsored

SAUSAGES INNA BUN ‼️‼️‼️‼️🌭🌭🌭🌭

🏚️ throwingshades

Gonna go skating on the frozen river ankh!!

💀 nojusticejustus

HAVE FUN

🏚️ throwingshades

Thanks man!

34 notes

✉️ ampostofficeofficial follow

🐸 bursaaaaaaaaar

is. is the post office posting crab rave bc reacher gilt just turned up dead

7013 notes

🧳 agateantravels follow

The Crumley's Hogswatch grotto is being advertised again but somehow I just don't think they can top last year's... like idk where they got the budget from but the real pigs?? CRAZY. my little sister asked for a pony and there was just one in the house when we got back like?? My mum was PISSED but yes talk abt Hogswatch magic. Still wonder how they pulled it off

345 notes

💖 angelofmusic

It's literally SO unfunny to be making jokes about the Opera Ghost when you all KNOW I saw so many of my friends DIE last year??? I literally have so much PTSD from it... like it's so insensitive you're all actually the WORST

#vent #don't rb #some of you will say ANYTHING for a cheap laugh :(

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🐊 genuablogging

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “narrative causality” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude I swear I just saw the Duc turn into a frog

My buddy Mrs Pleasant, pacing: Lilith de Tempscire is lying to us

456 notes

#no idea if this is even funny. whatever! I had fun!#discworld #terry pratchett #gnu terry pratchett #witches abroad #going postal #hogfather #maskerade #tumblr simulator #dashboard simulator #my post #tag edit: I did not realise today was the anniversary of Terry's passing... but it certainly serves as a tribute!? gnu ledge

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cospinol · 2 years

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Genuinely can’t get over warau arsnotoria having the most premium Big Group of ikemen characters I’ve seen in ages, airing in this incredible dry spell Era we’ve been in lately where it’s just been season after season of ikemen shows with designs so bad/boring they can’t hold my interest at all, and then the group of characters is just… not in the show lol. The incredible nerve of it. No I will not be downloading your gatcha game to learn more thank you very much

it’s like an intentional version of the self-own bucchigire also performed this season where one character was so much better than the rest of the cast that he accidentally tanked the entire show. But at least that wasn’t on purpose

#kind of have to respect arsnotoria for doing this On Purpose even though it actually sucked to watch in practice #the girls side slice of life really did work in its own right but why would you intentionally make me not pay any attn to it T_T #txt #also I still haven’t finished bucchigire so I guess that show could have an incredible comeback of some flavour #hard to see it happening though when it seems so deeply committed to its style of character drama that Largely works but #always seems to just miss the mark by a few inches for me. idk I think that’s it’s literally just #hard for me to care abt anything else when todou-kun’s absurd melodrama is sitting right there at all times and no one around him cares!!!#which is in and of itself kind of the best part of the show & I love the aspect of the rest of the group being Paired Off w each other #as a metric of Leaving Him Out Narratively and like.. if it was on purpose this would be anime of the season #like he is so cute there’s nothing I want to see more than him being generally mistreated #if I could believe the writing was leaving him out On Purpose it would be an excellent meal #but as is i have no idea what it’s going for at all .. smth boring in the evil otouto plot I guess. we’ll see #actually nvm I would probably hate it if it was doing the Neglect dynamic on purpose #since I despised that in bokuhaka (posterchild show for shooting yourself in the foot with One Good Character)#but in my mind it’s good..#WAIT AND ALSO SINCE I’M HERE I have a petty axe to grind abt katsura being disappointing. obviously.#I’m not a shinsengumi girl in general and usually watch bakumatsu era shows for the joui characters #and obviously he was the one I was most excited to see here and his design is adorable but like ToT what the hell is that lol #lamest romance I’ve seen in anime in a hot minute and it’s where ALL his screentime goes & totally subsumes all of akira’s other development #would call it an unforced error but it’s clearly the main thing that both of these characters were conceived specifically in service of #so them both appearing interesting/appealing before it kicked off was actually the accident. I guess. yeesh

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auroreliis · 8 months

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what about a reader that’s a bit mean? I imagine them similar to Damien’s age? Like they’d be like “How about we go play” (or read, something along those lines) then when the bat siblings would agree, they’d be like “nvm I don’t want to anymore”

Platonic Yandere!Batfam

Summary: You're a little mean

CW: no warnings

(not edited or proofread)

Bruce:

-He is very patient and will talk to you regularly about your behaviour, inquiring what he can do to help you

-If you continue to be rude to your family and hurt your brothers' feelings, he and Dick will organise family activities, forcing you to spend time with everyone

-During dinner he sends Dick off to your room to lock you out every now and then

Dick:

-He is not having it

-If you promised to spend time with him, you will, even if he has to drag you by your feet

-Will be very mopey and clingy

-"You don't like me anymore?", he whines out, burying his head in your neck, clearly wanting to guilt trip you.

-Reluctant to let you go, but once you're free from his grasp, he usually leaves you alone for a while (or you avoid him like the plague)

Jason:

-Jason hates getting lied to, so he will be irritated if you change your mind last second after promising to hang out with him

-How he reacts depends on his mood

-If he is in a good mood, he will probably leave you alone and sulk in silence

-If he is in a bad mood, he will force you to spend time with him and would be perfectly fine with sitting in silence in the same room as you

-Tries to hide how hurt he is by being cold, not wanting to be vulnerable

-The next time he sees you, he acts like nothing happened and he has this air about him that makes you not want to mention his behaviour either

Tim:

-He finds a way to reward you when you spend time with him

-You want to go outside? He will let you out for 30 minutes handcuffed to him if you spend the day with him

-If rewards don't work, he goes with blackmail or punishments

-You don't want your family to find out that you have a crush on someone? Spend time with him and he won't say anything

-He prefers the rewards though, since he wants you to actually like him, but he won't hesitate to play the bad guy if he has to

Damian:

-He reflects your energy back to you, but since it hurts his pride that you dislike him, he will try to embarrass you a little whenever he can

-You tripped over something? He mentions it every day for a month

-You like a cartoon? What are you, seven?

-You can't throw a punch? That's kind of pathetic....

-He doesn't mean anything rude he says, in fact, he loves and admires you more than anything, but he's just a little hurt by your behaviour

-You're a similar age, shouldn't you try to befriend him? Isn't that what people usually do?

-If you stop being rude to him, he will be much nicer and softer with you

#bruce wayne #yandere bruce wayne #dick grayson #yandere dick grayson #jason todd #yandere jason todd #tim drake #yandere tim drake #yandere damian wayne #damian wayne #dc comics #batfam #platonic yandere #platonic batfam #x reader #yandere batfam

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whyse7vn · 2 months

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CARDBOARD BOX -

[ ot7 x reader ]

BTW ☠️😂

8 participants - 8 online

———————————

hobi: thinking about when we all lived together and jimin would make jungkook tap dance for food

jk: good times :D

namjoon: but jungkook cant tap dance?

jimin: exactly

namjoon: so you starved jungkook?

jk: no i tapped??

jin: horribly

jk: :(

tae: i liked it

jk: honestly 🥺?

tae: honestly

jk: :D

hobi: why is joon acting like he wasn’t there to witness it???

namjoon: sorry

i just tend to block out the traumatic memories i have with you guys

which is most of them

jin: jungkook was the one dancing for food not you

namjoon: being a witness to that was traumatic

yoongi: it was funny

jk: thank u

yoongi: no

namjoon: moving on

y/n: remember when jungkook would like disappear for 4 hours everyday and come back to the dorms at like 5 am

hobi: OMG YES

jimin: the era where he hated us 😪

yoongi: bring it back

jk: i didn’t hate you guys ☹️

tae: he was just getting his dick wet don’t worry about it

namjoon: he was barley 16?

tae: pussy slayer since 05 😝

namjoon: 05??

yoongi: he was 7 in 05

jin: victim since 05

jimin: jin was like 27 in 05

jin: ??unprovoked

and not fucking true

jimin: as long as you’re alive i’m provoked

y/n: 27 in 05 is crazy

jimin: i’m saying like 😭

hurry up and die maybe?

hobi: bros 31 ☠️

namjoon: ok stop guys

jin: fucking hate all of you

jk: omg it’s raining outside i’m so sad :((

tae: my fault stepped outside and mother nature just couldn’t contain herself

she freaky like that

hobi: paying for ur assassination

jk: what does that even mean

tae: the sky squirting for me bro

jk: oh

that’s nice didn’t know that was possible !!

can you make her stop tho

tae: tell namjoon to step outside and she’ll stop

namjoon: ???

tae: it will be hot and dry as shit if joon steps out ong

jk: namjoon pls step outside

namjoon: kook you need to stop taking tae’s word for things

jk: what

i take no words

i have my own

namjoon: nvm

y/n: life would be so much fun if one of you was a crack addict

jin: ????

yoongi: freak

hobi: real

jimin: namjoon is right here like….

namjoon: leave me ALONE

jk: i’ll be a crack addict for you

tae: i’ll be a better addict

jk: NO YOU WONT

tae: YES I WILL

y/n: shut up

jk: sorry ☺️💕💖

tae: i could so break jungkook’s legs

jk: ☹️

how will i tap?

hobi: you don’t need to tap anymore kook

ur free from that life

y/n: tap by taeyong

jimin: he may be free from tapping in this life but is the tapping life free from him?

yoongi: what

jimin: mentally jungkook is still my little tapping slut

jk: aw man ://

namjoon: did you need to call him a slut??

can we just be nice

jimin: yes i needed to call him a slut

he’s a slut

tae: he was sixteen tapping for you

ur calling a sixteen year old a slut

guys i think jimin is really weird for that actually

jk: me 2

jimin: so?????

you literally said he was fucking at 16 you indirectly called him a slut too

jk: right !!!!

tae: UMM NO???

i called him a pussy slayer actually

and that could mean anything

jk: like what?

tae: shut up jungkook

jk: ok

i’m sorry

it’s still raining

i’m upset

jin: anyways i think yoongi could be nicer

yoongi: ?????

y/n: yoongi’s great

jin: TO YOU

yoongi is actually really really mean and we need to talk about it

jk: i also think yoongi’s great !!

when i was sad about getting old and sick he told me i probably won’t get cancer and most likely die from getting stabbed at 30 on the 12th of december 3pm

namjoon: oh

y/n: yoongi….

yoongi: no cancer !!

jk: NO CANCER ^0^ !!!!!!

tae: yoongi being cold and mysterious will only get you so far in life

jk: yoongi don’t be cold

🔥🔥🔥

here

y/n: jungkook ur so silly

where are you

i want to bite you

jk: 😳

OMW HOME I PROMISE

WON’T BE LONG I SWEAR

jimin: take me back to the days where you had to buy bitches 46 plots of land and a horse to get pussy

i can’t do this being dumb ass hell shit

hobi: maybe ur just ugly idk??

jimin: ????

yo wtf

hobi????????????

hobi: who said that not me whatttt?

jin: that’s why taemin has jimin blocked

jimin: HE DOES NOT HAVE ME BLOCKED

yoongi: woah ok?

jimin: just saying

anyways

jin: ur ugly 😂

jk: beauty is subjective

yoongi: do you even know what that means?

jk: yes ofc ??

maybe…

no 😔

tae: subjective sex

namjoon: stop

tae: SUBJECT SEX

i class i would love to participate in

y/n: is this you telling us you don’t know how to have sex???

tae: NO

this is me telling you i love sex and partake in it often

hobi: stds

jk: i’m confused

why do you want to take a class on it then ???

y/n: right

you wanting to take a sex class implies you know little on the subject of sex actually

tae: SHUT THE HELL UP

jimin: nothing about my beauty is subjective btw

it’s fact

jin: that ur ugly

yoongi: lol

jimin: namjoon tell them i’m not ugly

namjoon: guys he’s not ugly

jin: he’s really ugly

y/n: namjoon tell tae to stop shouting

namjoon: taehyung stop shouting

tae: NO

NAMJOON TELL KOOK AND Y/N I KNOW HOW TO FUCK

namjoon: kook y/n taehyung knows how to fuck

hobi: namjoon i wont lie to you but u lowkey a bitch

jin: right

namjoon: thank you for that hobi and jin i also love you very much

jk: ohmygod joon loosing his mind again

that is NOT what they said

joon come back to us

fight this namjoon fight it

hobi: fighting by bss

yoongi: who fighting?

jimin: joon and his crippling coke addiction

coke winning

namjoon: can we not

tae: i’ll laugh when you overdose

y/n: exo core

namjoon: i just helped you what is ur issue??

jin: do you notice how yoongi appeared again when the word fighting was said????

we NEED to have this man locked up i’m telling you

yoongi: i’ll have you sectioned

jin: WHAT THE FUCK?????

NAMJOON TELL HIM TO TAKE THAT BACK

namjoon: yoongi take that back

please

yoongi: i take it back

jin: good

yoongi: not

jk: yikes jin he got you

yoongi ur really cool

yoongi: shut up

jk: sorry 😆

y/n: stop being mean

yoongi: cant help it :3

tae: who wants to see me split a watermelon with one hand

jk: ME ME

OHMYGOD ME I DO I DO

I WANT TO SEE

PLEASE SHOW ME PLEASE BEOFRE I PASSED OUT PLEASE

PICK ME TAE I WANT TO SEE ME MEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMEME

hobi: tae how is ur financial situation these days

tae: kill yourself

hobi: ok wtf???

i was just asking

tae: jungkook im sorry but no broken watermelon today blame hoseok

jk: hobi what the hell man i was really looking forward to the broken watermelon

y/n: i heard tae filed for bankruptcy

tae: NOT TRUE

jimin: i heard he lives in a cardboard box

tae: SHUT UP I DONT

jk: tae omg……… 😧

is this true

tae: NO OBVIOUSLY NOT

YOU WERE AT MY HOUSE YESTERDAY

AND I ORDERED US FOOD

jk: pls dont shout at me

i’m trying to remember if your house was a cardboard box or not

jimin: (it was)

tae: NAMJOON

namjoon: guys

jimin: ur no fun

y/n: sorry 😔

tae: yeah

you guys better be sorry

stupid idiots

jimin: shut up broke boy

namjoon: jimin please

jimin: whatEVER

tae: namjoon i don’t say this a lot because normally it wouldn’t be true but man i love you

guys i think me and namjoon were married in our past lives

cuz like were so in tune with each other

like he just gets me

i get him

i believe in every life we find each other

like we get married in every single life except this one

namjoon: no offence but in every life i would find you and divorce you if that were true

tae: oh

y/n: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

yoongi: lol

jimin: no i see it the crack addict and the broke bitch love story

tae: at least someone gets it

nvm

should of read the whole message first

u guys are just closed minded

im telling you me an namjoon are like super alike someone thought i was him yesterday and he was so real and right for that

jk: i thought you said that guy that called you rm in the park yesterday was a racist not real or right

tae: jungkook

jk: yeah ^0^

tae: stop talking rn

jk: okay😵

hobi: cocaine is like really expensive how would tae and joon work out

tae wont be able to help feed into joons addiction

y/n: why do you know that cocaine is expensive

hobi: i know a lot of things that just happenes to be one of them

jimin: if you think about it when have you ever seen a crackhead be like nah im not gonna have crack today

they make that shit happen no matter what

and i think thats what attracts tae and joon together

like joon will do anything and everything to get his fix and tae would do anything and everything to have a place to sleep so their hardworking nature is what leads them to love

yeah

jin: ok !!!!!!

jimin i think you need a hobby or something

that was…. a lot

yoongi: shut up

jin: WHAT DID I DO???? AM I WRONG OR DID YOU ACTUALLY ENJOY JIMINS MINI FANFIC LIKE?????????

yoongi: i’ll punch you

jin: and i believe that!

shutting up #now

hobi: i wish i was mark lee rn

he probably doing something really canadian as we speak

jk: like what?

hobi: idk being nice

jimin: you called me ugly five minutes ago

you could never be mark lee

hobi: that literally wasn’t me i have no idea what ur talking about sorry i’m actually mark lee rn so i fr don’t know what ur talking about dude sorry dude i have to go on stage and dance with nct 127 now and then i have vocal practice with nct dream right after so i’m sorry dude i like have zero idea what ur talking about like actually like a sticker 2 baddies beatbox

me as mark lee and scene

jk: 10/10 really believable idk mark lee but i really though you were him for a second

y/n: great performance thought mark was here fr almost kissed you passionately on the mouth

yoongi: what

hobi: thank u thank u

you can still kiss me tho haha lol as mark or not idm

y/n: ok omg come here!!!

hobi: FR?????

y/n: no !!!!!!

but i did imagine us kissing like last week for like five seconds

hobi: yesssss 🙌 😝

a win is a win

yoongi: its not a win

she threw up at the thought

y/n: no i didn’t

yoongi: yes you did

you told me

y/n: i DID’NT

stop trying to gaslight me

it wont work

tae: have you imagined me naked

jimin: liked it better when you weren’t talking

tae: i liked it when YOU weren’t talking

jimin: shut the fuck up

jin: how about you both shut the fuck up

jimin: now why are YOU talking again

yoongi beat the shit out of him

yoongi: nah dont want to

the thought of his face isn’t pissing me off anymore

jin: thank you <3

yoongi: i could punch hoseok tho

hobi: no thank you ???

y/n: yoongi has a framed picture of all of us on his bedside table that he hides whenever you all come over in case you find it

he also has each one of our debut photocards in a small little binder in his studio in a little safe

yoongi: not true bye

yoongi left “BTW☠️😂”

y/n added yoongi to “BTW☠️😂”

y/n: very true very real seen them with my very two eyes

yoongi: you wear glasses

that you don’t actually wear

so who knows what u be seeing

that is NOT true

y/n: i wear glasses to READ and you know that

so shut up

guys yoongi would punch none of you because he loves you very much ok? 😍💖💯

tae: yoongi do you kiss our picture goodnight be honest

yoongi: fuck off actually

namjoon: thats very sweet yoongi

we love you too

jin: i DON’T

i fear my life when i’m around yoongi picture by his bed or not

i’m shaking in my boots i’m scared

yoongi: pussy

jin: i’m telling you ever since he broke that poor woozi guys nose i have not looked at him the same

y/n: ok but that was a mistake right yoongi

yoongi: ?

y/n: it was

and besides has yoongi broken your nose?

jin: no but it’s coming

i know it

yoongi: true

jk: i feel safe around yoongi

yoongi: you shouldn’t

jk: because he hasn’t broken my nose

but jimin did punch me once

jimin: dont bring up my past

hobi: if we think about it jimin should be locked up

jungkook you can press charges you know?

jimin: CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT ME AND WHAT I’VE DONE

like we were talking about how yoongi actually love us

lets get back to that

yoongi: jimin should be put behind bars

jimin: yoongi loves us

yoongi: jimin is a bully

jimin: YOONGI LOVES US

tae: i love you back yoongi

yoongi: kill yourself

jimin is a literal bully like actually

jimin: and ur a fake one cuz u love us

jk: jimin you are bully

yoongi: ur right jungkook

you are so right

jimin: jungkook yoongi loves you

that’s why he’s agreeing with you

jk: i love you too yoongi ^0^

yoongi: jungkook jimin is bullying you

has been since you were 16

jk: ohmygod……..

jimin: jungkook yoongi has a photocard of you that he’s probably decorated and everything just cuz he cares so deeply about you

jk: he does????????

namjoon: ok both of you stop

jimin you ARE a bully

and yoongi its ok that you actually like us you should stop pretending you don’t

jimin: I AM NO BULLY

yoongi: i like not one of u 😒

namjoon: yeah ok

jk: GUYS OHMUGOD

tae DOES LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX I REMEMBER NOW 🤯🤯😨

tae left “BTW☠️😂”

—

think of this as a flash back/ forward idk of the good happy times ok? ok thank u >_<

sorry for the shit ending i just really like the first part and wanted to post

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp @socksfirstalways @knjlvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks

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mulletmitsuya · 5 months

Text

Toman Groupchat

Warnings: swearing, the topic of sex is brought up a lot, mentions of the r word (i don't actually say it i just say "r word"), gayness, mentions of depression, mentions of suicide, teenage boys. also snuck in a lot of personal headcanons so that might not be your thing

Desc: Mikey lost his V-card

Mikey: just had the sex

Mikey: it's not all that, tbh

Mikey: i didn't like it

Mikey: i was quite indifferent to the situation actually

Mitsuya: that's great 👍

Smiley: you're the last one to lose your v-card and you come back with a report like this?😒

Smiley: we want details

Draken: whose we?

Mitsuya: no we don't

Chifuyu: it must have been difficult tackling the whole issue with you being 5'3 and all

Mikey: you're an inch taller than me😐

Chifuyu: "taller" being the key word

Baji: what didn't you like about the sex?

Baji: i think sex is great

Kazutora: i think it's super nice until you get in over your head and freak out about your performance so you end up having a panic attack and she just leaves

Smiley: LMAOOOOOO

Draken: that's actually kinda sad, you good?

Kazutora: no? i'll never emotionally recover. never again

Baji: maybe it should be with someone you trust and have been friends with for a number of years. maybe even your best friend who would do anything for you. that's just my opinion tho

Draken: just tell him ffs. anything but this

Kazutora: i have no girl friends?? the only women i know who're affiliated with this friendgroup are hina (taken), emma (mikey's sister and also taken), and yuzuha (gay)

Baji: why does it have to be a girl

Mikey: bro

Hakkai: 💀

Smiley: mention homosexuality once and here Hakkai comes

Hakkai: 😐

Kazutora: Baji i know you're gay and i support your lgbtq+ lifestyle but i'm not into dicks like you are man

Baji: what about assholes

Mitsuya: what's the point of this, like just ask him out atp

Mikey: you'd let KAZUTORA top???? insane

Kazutora: what's wrong with me topping? also who am i topping??

Smiley: well you're a twink so you're obviously a bottom

Chifuyu: Kazutora are you actually just gonna ignore what everyone else is saying

Kazutora: aren't you guys talking to Baji?

Draken: are you stupid or what

Kazutora: i'm really confused rn can we just to back to talking about Mikey

Mikey: yes actually. i've decided that i don't like sex and won't be doing it again

Chifuyu: bad day for Takemitchy

Takemitchy: what?

Chifuyu: well since you ride his dick so much

Takemitchy: HUH

Takemitchy: i've never done that with Mikey-kun tho??? i'm with Hina? also I'm straight so I don't understand what you mean by that 😥

Chifuyu: i don't actually mean-

Chifuyu: nvm

Baji: are we allowed to call people the r word anymore

Angry: no it's a slur

Baji: you're probably mad because people said it to you huh? lmao

Angry: yes

Baji: oh

Smiley: i didn't even mean it Angry it was just that one time

Angry: several, one times. but okay

Angry: i still love you

Smiley: can you not say that in front of our friends like idk what to do rn cause i can't say it back so it looks embarssing for you

Angry: 😕

Smiley: ...

Angry: ☹️

Smiley: i love you too

Angry: thank you

Chifuyu: very rare Smiley human decency moment

Draken: you guys are such weird siblings but that was great to watch. character development in a matter of seconds

Smiley: you should all kill yourselves

Mikey: man i really want to

Mikey: that was a literal joke before you guys get weird

Draken: you've actively tried to kill yourself tho

Mikey: yeah but like i won't do it anymore

Baji: we must just, believe you?

Mikey: i know that's hard to do because i lie all the time but yes

Draken: not a convincing argument but nice try

Mitsuya: terrible try actually. Mikey should we be worried?

Mikey: miss me with that gay shit, i'm fine

Mitsuya: i hate you guys so much

Draken: not me tho cause i'm your og

Mitsuya: 😐

Mitsuya: yeah i guess

Draken: 🤞

Draken: i'm gonna go out with my girlfriend now

Draken: also Mikey you're probably asexual. or you haven't found the right one to do it with yet idk

Mikey: what's asexual

Draken: google it

Mikey: Ken-chin c'mon i'm having a crisis rn

Draken: basically low or very little sexual attraction to others

Draken: there's a whole spectrum to it tho so you should probably do some research because that was an extremely watered down explanation

Draken: i'm ace too if that helps

Baji: Emma's a whole ass slut so how does she deal with that

Smiley: imagine bagging Ryuguji Ken with his sexy ass and he doesn't wanna smash. tragic

Draken: first of all, Baji i'll fucking kill you, never say that about Emma again

Draken: and fuck you Smiley

Angry: are you traumatized because of living in a sex orientated/obsessed environment so you eventually began to detest any affiliation with the act?

Draken: yes actually

Angry: i see

Mikey: i just don't like it. i'm not traumatized like Ken-chin :(

Draken: it's whatever

Baji: calm down i didn't call Emma a slut as an insult i just mean it as a describing word because she likes fucking

Baji: i've known her longer than you and she's been fucking since she knew what the thing was

Mikey: i probably should have addressed that as an older brother or something

Mikey: yk, cause i take care of my family

Baji: now she takes care of you with your chronically depressed ass

Mikey: 😒

Kazutora: is Emma also traumatized? like the opposite of Draken?

Mikey: wait should i ask?? her mom did abandon her and she did grow up without a father figure so like maybe i should talk to her

Smiley: you didn't have to dish out her problems like that 💀

Baji: she's got the Sano slut genes because wasn't Shinichiro falling in love with different people everyday? then your dad was impregnating people all the time. skipped Mikey tho

Draken: not everything is trauma related. also Emma just likes sex. it's not a huge deal breaker and if it was she would tell me and we'd talk about it

Mikey: what about having kids?

Draken: stop asking me this shit we'll do that when we're ready

Smiley: it's crazy how Draken is one of the healthiest people here. always reacting sensibly to situations and dealing with his trauma normally. he's such a good guy. hate him

Draken: love you too

Mikey: did he deal with it all that healthily if he beats people to a pulp most of the time

Draken: i stopped doing that

Baji: why though, you were an actual unit

Baji: wasted talent. i still beat people up

Draken: Emma said to

Mikey: fair

Smiley: Mitsuya could be on Draken's level too but something went wrong along the way cause he's a boy liker

Mitsuya: 🖕

430 notes · View notes

topperscumslut · 7 months

Text

Kiss Me With Your Eyes Closed (Sejanus Plinth x Reader)

Summary: (Y/N) is the victor of the 9th Hunger Games and the beloved girlfriend of Coriolanus Snow, though she’s secretly in love with his best friend (in this au the hunger games progressed more quickly, for example mentors were already present before the 10th games etc etc). title inspired by Hot Freaks’ Puppy Princess!

Warnings: not much rlly tbh, a wee bit of angst but mostly FLUFFY FLUFFFFF. might write a smutty sequel if this does well (or just if i feel like it lol) but even then it would be more fluffy smut, like sweet love making rather than getting absolutely railed lmao yk? (i probably will so stay tuned if u like this and lmk if u wanna be tagged!)

spoiler free apart from references to coriolanus x lucy gray!!

ok actually it is a pretty good amount of angst nvm lmao

Word count: 2k

You sigh as you run your fingers over the tattered poster, so shiny and new only a year before, reading the now barely legible words. (Y/N) (L/N) Victory Tour, In Honor of the 9th Hunger Games, Arriving Soon in Your District. You remember your victory tour all too well. Despite the traumas you had endured as a victor, you’re grateful for how far you’ve come. Sure, you still have nightmares of your games every now and again, yet even still you have the best fate a girl from District 3 could ever hope for - you had fallen in love with a boy from the Capitol.

From an outsider’s perspective, it was the perfect love story. A doomed romance from the beginning; star crossed lovers, one might say, a Capitol boy and a District girl. When you had arrived at the Capitol for the 9th Hunger Games, near certain you had no chance of winning, your dashing mentor Coriolanus Snow had immediately taken a liking to you. He took you under his wing and coached you through your games, and when you had miraculously emerged victorious and returned to the Capitol, he decided that he wanted you for his own, and who were you to say no? Not even a few weeks before, you were just another girl from District 3, completely unknown, barely scraping by. Now you had been thrust suddenly into a lavish lifestyle with a handsome suitor to boot, adored by all of Panem; the nation’s sweetheart. After your games, you could have left it all behind. Sure, you would never be granted total anonymity being a victor, but you could have gone back to your beaten down home in District 3 and lived a relatively quiet life. After all, it’s not like the Snows had the finances to buy your freedom from your district and turn you into a full fledged Capitol citizen.

But the Plinths did.

You never particularly enjoyed Strabo Plinth as a person, but you couldn’t help but be grateful to him for what he had done for you. You had, however, immediately taken a liking to his caring wife, as well as his juxtaposition of a son, Sejanus, who clearly took more after his mother. In contrast to your rugged, analytical lover, Sejanus was gentle, complex. The two of you had become fast friends while Coriolanus had helped you prepare for the games.

And so before you knew it, this was your new life. At first you were anxious, concerned that your becoming a Capitol citizen and Coriolanus associating so intimately with a girl from the Districts would be seen as an act of rebellion and put you both in danger. However Coriolanus assured you that the nation loved you, both as an individual and as a couple. Sure, it was unexpected, yeah, it broke the (admittedly unwritten) rules, but that’s what made it oh-so fun to watch. Because at the end of the day, the games weren’t a competition - they were a show, and everyone loved an underdog.

There was only one minor flaw. You had fallen in love with a boy from the Capitol, yes, but it wasn’t the one you had so publicly given your heart to.

Your relationship with Coriolanus was practical, and that was about the only positive thing you could truthfully say about it. Neither of you were particularly wealthy or powerful individually, but together, you had potential. If you could keep all of Panem tuned in to your epic love story, you could almost certainly ensure mutual survival. You offered Coriolanus the opportunity to be known as not only a mentor to a victor, but a lover as well. And though nearly a year later his eyes had started to wander, the dapper blond had been quite infatuated with you when the courtship had begun, and Coriolanus was notoriously possessive. While his family was in the midst of financial hardship at the current moment, becoming a Capitol resident gave you the opportunity to get by still much more comfortably than you had in your impoverished home district. And who knew what volatility Coriolanus was capable of if you had rejected his advances? You had been coaxed into this very moment and had no other option but to grin and bear it. After all, all the girls you knew back home would kill to be in your position. A handsome sweetheart, financial stability courtesy of the Plinths, and the whole country all but worshiping you. Coriolanus Snow had offered you not only fame and fortune, but more importantly, security. Safety, in return for your undying affection.

Coriolanus was sweet at first. Charming, for sure. He was certainly attractive, yet he had never really had much of an effect on you. Maybe it was simply intuition. Or maybe it was the fact that he could never compare to his best friend, Sejanus Plinth.

Kind, pure Sejanus. The type of boy that, unlike Coriolanus Snow, truly made your head spin. The chemistry between you and Sejanus was unspoken, yet undeniable. However, you had already reluctantly sworn yourself to Coriolanus, and knew running off with his best friend would certainly put both you and your not so secret admirer in a treacherous situation. Sejanus Plinth was a risk you simply couldn’t afford to take.

What stung the most was that in any other situation, it could have worked. Sejanus was certainly more wealthy and influential than Coriolanus, not that that was what truly mattered to you. If you had been just a bit more fortunate, you could have had the boy you truly loved as your mentor and still have the same security and more that you were now so gracefully granted, if you had simply found your way to Sejanus before Coriolanus had set his sights on you and claimed you as his own. But unfortunately for you, your current romantic relationship was one built upon the grounds of survival rather than love.

If you were fully honest with yourself, you never truly loved Coriolanus - well, not romantically, at least. There was once a time where you had loved him as a dear friend, but in the time you had known him, he had become cruel and vitriolic. You knew from the start that he had always had it in him to become this way, though you had always naively hoped that he wouldn’t, that he would control himself, but the poison within his soul had soon taken over his cold, uncaring heart. He had become hardened by the misfortune of his family and gradually more complaisant in the ways of the Capitol, as well as secretly resentful of the great fortune of his supposed best friend and honorary brother Sejanus.

Now just over a year since you had met, the 10th Hunger Games were nearing to start. You had heard the whispers of Coriolanus sneaking around with his newest mentee, your replacement in more ways than one, Lucy Gray Baird; however it never bothered you. Lucy Gray knew that your relationship with Coriolanus was nothing more than a facade, and the two of you had become unlikely friends. You weren’t sure just how much of his affections for Lucy Gray were genuine, or how much was motivated by a desire to flatter her in an attempt to gain another victor to further his own career. Though Coriolanus’s mood was recently heightened by his new lover, he was still resentful of being assigned such an impoverished district for two years in a row and was prone to fits of rage over this perceived insult. While your home of District 3 was never much of a spectacle, Lucy Gray’s District 12 was miraculously even more down trodden, the poorest district of them all. You couldn’t help but wonder if this assignment was actually made to compliment Coriolanus, to show that if he could made a diamond in the rough out of you, that perhaps he could do the same for Lucy Gray.

As you sit alone in Coriolanus’s bed, still running your fingers gingerly along the photograph, you hear a knock at the door.

“Sejanus?”

“Oh, hey. Is Coryo around?”

You shake your head. “He’s out right now.”

Sejanus’s jaw tightens at your response. “With her?”

You nod unenthusiastically and can see the disgust and anger wash over his face as he makes his way over to you.

“It’s not her fault, Sejanus. She’s actually really sweet.”

He sits down on the bed next to you, careful to leave enough space between the two of you as to not make you uncomfortable. “I know it’s not. It’s his. Does it really not bother you at all?”

“Not particularly.”

He chuckles to himself. “You’re better than me, (Y/N). I don’t know how you put up with it. If I truly loved someone, it would kill me to see them with someone else.” He’s subtle, but you can tell exactly what he’s implying.

“Well good thing I don’t have to see it.”

“Fair enough.”

Sejanus looks sympathetically at you for a second, blissfully unaware that his kind, beautiful brown eyes are making you melt, before noticing the poster in your hand.

“Is that-”

“Yep.” You shiver, remembering your games, the things you saw… “I don’t think it ever occurred to him, the things I had to do in there.”

“It occurred to me.” He gently places his shaky hand on your knee, carefully surveying your expression to make sure you’re okay with the contact, to which you nod slightly, nearly involuntarily. “Look, I’ll say it since no one else in this screwed up place will, I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

You bite your lip, feeling butterflies in your stomach once again as he gives you that look and it takes everything in you not to lean in and kiss him right then and there. Your boyfriend could come home any moment, after all, and you quickly compose yourself, breaking Sejanus’s gaze. “It’s okay. I won. It’s the Hunger Games. It’s an honor.”

He inches carefully closer to you before speaking up again, his deep voice barely above a whisper. “(Y/N), you don’t have to pretend around me.”

You shake your head in denial. “I’m not pretending.”

“Then why haven’t I seen that light in your eyes that I love so much since you’ve left the arena? Why don’t you care that he’s always off with Lucy Gray? Why are the rules different for you than they are for him?”

And suddenly it hits you all at once. Sejanus is right. If Coriolanus is sneaking around with your friend everyday, even when they aren’t training, then what’s to stop you from doing the same to him? What do you owe him when all he’s ever done is keep you like a bird in a cage?

You don’t stop yourself, you don’t even think as you lean in and kiss Sejanus. He gets over the initial shock quickly and melts into it, cradling your body in his arms and pulling you in by the small of your back. You both pull away at the same time, not quite sure what’s gotten into you, but whatever it is, you like it.

“Coriolanus has never kissed me like that.”

“Go figure.”

His nerves kick in once again as he starts to stutter an apology before you shut him up by kissing him softly again.

“Since I first got to the Capitol… Sejanus, nothing here has felt right, except for you.”

“I could say the same about you,” he muses as he leans in once again, kissing you slow, both of you pretending the moment could last forever. If only…

641 notes · View notes

h-harleybaby · 1 year

Note

I really like South Park fractured but whole, so maybe you could do Team Stan + Butters reacting to their s/o wanting to be their hero sidekick?

Ughhhhh that’s such a good request. I was like, about to say that my requests are closed but lately I’ve been in a funk and really obsessed with tfbw so NVM I’M WRITING THIS! It might get me out of that funk I was talking about, I need to write anyways. Btw this is all like, aged up to highschool at the very least. You can't tell me they wouldn't still roleplay during highschool because I know damn well they would

You can kinda tell which ones I didn't put too much effort in sorryyyy I just didn't know what to write also also also ignore any mistakes

Cartman, The Raccoon

• Cartman literally gets so excited it's funny, but if you say anything about him being excited he flips you off and tells you that you can't be his sidekick (he's lying)

• He kinda thinks of everyone on the team as his sidekicks but you're like, his special sidekick and he'll never admit it

• He loves having you as his sidekick, NOW IT'S LIKE ALL OF YOUR MISSIONS ARE DATES!

• Cartman literally throws a fit anytime he has a mission you can't go on, he wants you there SO FUCKING BAD but he'll never tell you that

• He's weirdly protective of you but it's really nice (this totally isn't based off me talking to the Cartman character ai)

• You definitely bring snacks for you guys during patrol and I swear to god his pupils are hearts I'm not even kidding

• In my opinion, patrols and stakeouts with Cartman would be the best

• Out of all of them, he's the one you do the most with. Every other night there's some sort of crazy bullshit y'all deal with

• Most of the crazy bullshit being because Cartman caused it but shhhhh we don't talk about it

• Being his sidekick is a soild 7/10, he can get a lil selfish but he's really fun

Kyle, Human Kite

• Kyle's excited but more nervous than anything, he doesn't have anything to worry about tho!

• Y'all are a pretty good duo, even though you don't normally go on missions where y'all have to fight

• You guys work more with damage control, I mean kites are pretty fragile and mans is a human kite alien so like

• Not to say he's weak, he's far from it actually! He just has pretty low health and stuff ya know?

• HOWEVER! You're a pretty good healer so it just makes sense that y'all are always near each other on the battlefield, plus sidekick so yeah

• Not only do y'all usually do damage control but also a pretty good amount of recon

• Half of the time you guys end up getting caught and have to run away so you get to be on Kyle's back as y'all are gliding the hell out of there

• Its like, surprisingly fun to be gliding. The wind in your hair and the excitement is the best

• Anyways, because y'all don't see combat too often the patrols are really calm. Sometimes even a little boring but you don't mind, neither of you are getting hurt and that's all that matters

• 9/10, it's kinda boring sometimes but it's pretty nice to be with your bf. At least y'all don't get hurt and can goof off during patrol

Stan, Toolshed

• Stan's kinda indifferent about it, he's like "cool you're joining me... why?"

• Don't get me wrong, he thinks it's cool you wanna join him! He just doesn't get it too much, isn't it gonna be boring for you?

• Well, ya know what? Now he has someone to spend sleepless nights with when he's on patrol!

• Ngl he underestimated how much he would enjoy having you by his side, he's not lonely anymore AND SOMEHOW HE DIDN'T NOTICE HOW LONELY HE WAS TILL YOU JOINED HIM

• Ahhh, imagine if you had tool themed super powers too?? Y'all share some of his dads power tools and have to awkwardly try fixing them when they somehow break during battle

• You can't tell me Stan hasn't broken them before! He literally throws screwdrivers at people and shoves power tools into the ground, they have to break at some point

• Good thing you guys somewhat know how to fix things, y'all both probably would've been dead multiple times if you didn't know how to repair the shit y'all break

• Y'all have definitely had to clean blood off the tools at the end of patrols/nights. Literally almost every time, he really has to stop throwing screwdrivers at people

• Anyways, Stan thinks you're the best sidekick ever and he loves having you around. Having you as his sidekick is really fun overall, he wouldn't trade you for literally any other

• Being his sidekick is a good 8/10, it's not the best thing to clean blood off tools at 2 am but you don't mind too much

Kenny, Mysterion

• Part of Kenny is over the moon! The other part, not so much

• He doesn't want you to get hurt while you're his sidekick so he's probably a lot more careful on his missions than he usually is

• There's definitely a lot of flirting between y'all tho, he gets SO cocky when he's Mysterion. Its one of his favorite things to get you flustered and flirt with you like, mid battle

• He doesn't die as much as he used to now that you're there so that's nice! He can't bare having you see him die tbh

• Y'all often patrol more dangerous parts of town so you guys see combat REALLY often

• I mean it's not Kenny's fault that homeless methheads and rednecks keep trying to kill you guys. It's whatever, he's good at fighting and so are you!

• You are by no means delicate, no matter how much he tries to protect you from all the battle you still end up seeing it anyways

• He kinda thinks it's hot that you're so good at fighting, he's literally like "damn bbg, you can beat my ass any day"

• Kenny never gets used to you flirting back with him, he practically short circuits. You think it's cute how he can flirt so easily but get so flustered when it's reciprocated

• In my opinion, being his sidekick is 8.5/10 because of all the fighting and flirting

Butters, Professor Chaos

• Omg Butters is ecstatic! He didn't know how you knew he was Professor Chaos but he doesn't dwell on it too much

• Now you guys can bring all the chaos your little heart desires to South Park and he's so happy about it

• First South Park, then WORLD DOMINATION!

• You're not exactly one of his henchmen and he doesn't have the heart to call you his sidekick, you're something higher than henchman?

• Does it really matter? He's gonna bring chaos to the world with you by his side and that's all that really matters in his opinion

• Every time Cartman and his hero team beat him up after foiling his plans you always end up having to patch him up which is kinda annoying but it's fun to scheme with Butters during that time

• You definitely end up being the one who reminds him of his common sense, you're kinda like his rock in a way?

• He's so glad to have you by his side, plus now that you're here his plans actually succeed sometimes!

• The younger henchman all ship you guys considering most of them don't know y'all are actually dating, it's pretty endearing

• Solid 8/10, you rarely get hurt and it's kinda painful to see Butters hurt but y'all have a good time in general

No hear me out, like I wanna pick them all up and hug them like teddy bears. They're all so cute as kids even tho Cartman would probably and most likely has committed war crimes they're my lil cutie patooties. They're literally all really close to my height but I don't care I wanna hug them like teddy bears

If anyone has any recs for places to buy like, nice plushies of them I would appreciate it <3333

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