#mayor moria

[arrow-v-flash-polls]

Thoughout the two shows the reoccurence of particular events happened. You could consider them curses with how badly events turned for the characters. Two of which being never run or be the Mayor of Star(ling) City or you may end up dead before reelection and try not to become the love interest for Caitlin Snow and never be seen again.

Which is these two curses is the superior one?

#caitlin snow #quentin lance #arrow #the flash #arrowverse #Moria queen #I'm not tagging everyone who was a mayor in arrow #I dont even remember them all #danielle panabaker #paul blackthorne #susanna thompson #dctv #arrow cw #the flash cw #Admittedly DP herself put an end to that curse in some part by season 4 #But I'mma vote for Mayor cause that seriously is a cursed position in star city #this has been in the draft folder since october cause i couldn't think of the right pics to use lol

[overthinkinglotr]

One thing I feel people miss about lord of the rings is that it’s sort of..........post-apocalyptic?

Like-- the world already ended, a long time ago, and the characters are surrounded by the ruins of dead countries. They spend most of their time journeying through places that are either abandoned (Moria) soon to be abandoned (Rivendell/Lorien) or half-destroyed and falling into decay (Rohan/Gondor.) The villains are creatures that Used to be Human; I feel like Lotr’s orcs/ringwraiths have more in common with zombies than they do with DnD-style orcs, because they’re a state that “normal” people enter when they’re corrupted by a supernatural force.

Even the Shire is surrounded by ruins-- the ruins of watchtowers, the ruins of the old Northern Kingdom, the ruined city near the Grey Havens. The people around there have an idiom “when the king comes back” that means the same thing as an idiom like “when pigs fly”--  “when a completely ridiculous improbable thing happens.” They’re so used to the disintegrated state of the world that the idea of a central government is fairy-tale-like and bizarre. They have their little mayors and thains; they don’t need anything else.

So yeah! I see people try to “modern-real-world- au” versions of Hobbiton by making it “a peaceful suburb” but to me, a modern au version of Hobbiton would be more like.......

You are a hobbit.

You don’t know much history, but you understand that there were Wars a long time ago that destroyed a great amount of life on earth.

You live in a little hole in the ground. You don’t know that long ago these holes used to be called “bunkers;” you decorate them with flowers.

When you want to say that something won’t happen, you’ll sarcastically say things “lol yeah SURE that will happen! And tomorrow pigs will fly, Parliament will come back into session, there will be a president in the White House, there will be a prime minister making speeches, and diplomats will intercede between all of them! ha! XD”

If you journey even a little outside of your home, you’ll find the ruins of old cities and skyscrapers. There are messages in the ruins that are written in languages you don’t speak. Human beings used to live here; they don’t anymore.

And you’re not supposed to leave the Shire because sometimes you’ll meet the things that used to be human, but aren’t anymore.

#lotr #overthinkinglotr #lord of the rings #anyway the setting is such an important part of the story ;-;

[velvet4510]

“My Heart Will Go On” has been played and replayed so often that it’s commonly considered cliche at this point to associate it with anything outside of Titanic, to apply the beautiful message within its stunning lyrics and Celine’s angelic voice to another story or specifically another couple.

But I must admit how the song screams Tolkien to me.

The ages of the world go by, and even as things change and disappear, spirits endure. Elves fade from our world, but endure in the West. Dwarves and hobbits disappear from history, but continue on in the shadows where we can never see them. Men rise and prosper. All their hearts do go on.

And more specifically, look at all the Elves - Círdan, Elrond, and Galadriel especially - who persevere and continue to be strong after enormous personal losses and struggles and destructions. Look at how the Númenorean survivors move forward after the loss of their homelands and build new homes. Look at how the Dwarves never truly lose hope of regaining Erebor and Moria, and eventually do both successfully. Look at how the hobbits evolve after the Scouring, replanting the Shire to make it more beautiful than ever before, accepting a working class gardener as their Mayor and crafting new libraries and records. Look at how Tom Bombadil and Goldberry spend all the ages of the world living happily together in their little forest, regardless of what occurs outside their home. All their hearts go on.

Look at how Bilbo and Sam each lose the respective loves of their lives (Thorin and Frodo) but each move forward, opening up to new loves in their families - Bilbo finds joy again with Frodo, Sam finds joy again with Rosie and their children - passing on their stories to the next generation, and going off to find peace in the Blessed Realm. Their hearts go on.

Look at how Frodo loses so much of himself because of the Ring, but rather than lie down and die, accepts Arwen’s gift and sails West to seek the self-care and healing that he needs. His heart goes on.

Look at how Éowyn loses every parental figure she’s ever had, survives years of sexual harassment and oppression, goes through a depression, experiences the horrors and NDEs of war … and emerges stronger and wiser than ever into a new life of love, bliss, growth, and healing. Her heart goes on.

Look at how Faramir endures years of mistreatment by his own dad and the absence of his mom, loses the only family member who ever truly valued him, is touched by the Black Breath … and survives to flourish in a new position, rebuild a broken realm, and find true love. His heart goes on.

Look at how Legolas watches almost all of his mortal friends die, but chooses to move on to the place where he can endure and not fade, carrying all his cherished memories with him. His heart goes on.

It’s actually a beautiful thing to think about.

#lotr #jrr tolkien #lotr books #lord of the rings #the hobbit #the silmarillion #elrond #cirdan #galadriel #frodo baggins #samwise gamgee #rosie cotton #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #samfro #bagginshield #tolkien elves #tolkien dwarves #numenoreans #eowyn #faramir #farawyn #tom bombadil #goldberry #legolas #tolkien legendarium #valinor #second age #third age #fourth age

[eglerieth]

Concerning Hobbit-Friends

nearly every other free people in Middle Earth have such a concept ( ie, Elf-friend, Dwarf-friend, etc.) so I decided that hobbits do it too. Any hobbit can name someone hobbit-friend, but that’s not a guarantee that their fellow hobbits will consider them their own friend. The exception is if the Thain or Mayor formally names someone hobbit-friend on behalf of all Shirefolk, which has only happened once.

here is a list of known hobbit-friends:

• Gandalf. Obviously. He’s the OG hobbit-friend, upon whom all others are based

• Tom Bombadil: he was given the title by Farmer Maggot. It is unknown if Maggot was the only hobbit to name him hobbit-friend, or if others had done so in the past and his proclamation was redundant.

• the entirety of Thorin’s company: Bilbo named them all hobbit-friend when he left Erebor, in the middle of his “tea at four” speech. This included a posthumous hobbit-friending of Thorin, Fìli, and Kìli.

• multiple Breelanders: throughout the long history of Bree and the Breelands, when hobbits and Men lived side by side, there were many individuals named hobbit-friend by their neighbor for various reasons. The line of Butterburs in particular have held the title unbroken from father to son, usually proclaimed by drunk hobbits in the Prancing Pony wanting to thank and honor their host.

• Boromir: thus named by Merry and Pippin. Pippin was honoring that bond/title when he swore allegiance to Denethor.

• Gimli: Frodo named him hobbit-friend when they were mourning Balin together in Moria and Frodo saw his heart.

• Treebeard: sort of named himself such unwittingly when fitting hobbits into his worldview out loud. Merry and Pippin just accepted it, thus binding it.

• Quickbeam: named such by Merry and Pippin as a throwaway comment that nonetheless had all the meaningfulness necessary.

• Thèoden: named such by Merry when he swore himself to him. He intended to teach him about pipeweed; that was a gift for a hobbit-friend not given to merely anyone. The horn Merry was later given was to honor it, and it was later given much honor in return in the Shire.

• Aragorn: surprisingly, it didn’t happen on the quest. He was their friend, sure, but not specifically a hobbit-friend. But as time went on the hobbits in the Fellowship began to treat him more and more like one, and he was finally formally proclaimed hobbit-friend by Thain Paladin himself on behalf of the Shire after he gifted the hobbits Westmarch and passed the law forbidding Big Folk from entering the Shire. The first king of the Fourth Age was long remembered in the Shire for being the first and only Man to be hobbit-friend to all hobbits. Not even Gandalf was accepted by all, *cough*-Disturber-of-the-Peace-*cough*

Finrod: the only person to be named hobbit-friend in Aman. Proclaimed by Bilbo and Frodo, and then again Sam before he realized it had already been done. He earned the title by connecting with them deeply and helping them around the Undying Lands. Come on, guys, you knew he was gonna have to complete the trifecta of races he’s Friends with.

#eglerieth #lotr #tolkien #silmarillion #lord of the rings #hobbits #middle earth #gandalf #the company of thorin oakenshield #tom bombadil #gimli #barliman butterbur #butterbur #treebeard #quickbeam #theoden #boromir #aragorn #finrod

[count-alucard-tepes]

Hi iam sure if did one before but iam pretty a 100% sure that you once give a description on how op hotties tits look like.

These were definitely my favorite posts to make…just saying, this girl appreciates tiddies 😍

Oven Charlotte 🍞

Oh we all saw what they full baked baby daddy’s chest looks like in all his glory! He has some fine hair on his chest and he likes to keep it because it makes him feel manly. His nips are pretty pink and sensitive so if you graze them…he’s melting. Also he loves having his S/O lick melted chocolate off his tiddies but be careful! You don’t want to burn your tongue if he blushes too much😜 8.5 out of 10 for face smothering.

Buggy🤡

His tiddies are defined along with his abs but he’s on the leaner side since he doesn’t like to bulk up too much. It doesn’t fit his aesthetic! He does have hair on his chest and he doesn’t mind it at all, his partners always think it’s cute. He has bright pink nips. 8 out of 10 for face smothering.

Marco the Phoenix 🦅

He has a pretty lean body and he tends to show his tiddies because he gets hot often. He’s got a light tan and doesn’t grow much hair on his chest. His nips are cute and light pink. 8 out of 10 for face smothering.

Eustass Kidd🤘🎸

We were lucky to see tiddies in all its glory, usually we just get to see his cleavage from his boob window! He doesn’t like hair on his chest so he makes sure to keep himself groomed. He burns easily so he has pretty pale tiddies and that’s not by choice! His nips are pink and one of them are pierced. 10 out of 10 for face smothering😆

Rosinantè Donquixote aka Cora-San💕

Ah to be the handsome sibling is always a plus when he’s a sweetheart too! Since he’s a marine, he has to be physically fit all the time and this resulted in him having amazing tiddies for us to enjoy! He’s pretty pale and doesn’t like being out in the sun because he burns too easily so his tiddies never see the light of day! His nips are pale pink and he does have light hair between his tiddies. 9 out of 10 for face smothering.

Who’s Who ❤️‍🔥👹

Oh this pink haired baby daddy! How I wish he had more screen time! His tiddies are firm and well defined because he works out all the time and does karate to keep fit! He has tattoos that go down his arms and legs, he loves the look and feel of it. His nips are light pink like his lips and they’re pierced. 1000 out of 10 for face smothering (let me be your baby mama already!😭)

Gecko Moria🦇

When he was younger, he has amazing pale tiddies with pierced nips. He’s not a hairy guy so they were always smooth and he liked it that way. He had a well defined body that worked well for his height. 9 out of 10 for face smothering.

Iceburg💜

Under those fabulous suits is a lean but defined body that only our favorite sexy mayor could have! He has dark pink nips and he’s actually pretty hairy. He does have chest tattoos around his tiddies that join to his shoulders and even down his abs to his hips. Only his partners would know that though😉 10 out of 10 for face smothering for our sexy ice-daddy.

Gild Tesoro⚜️🏅

He’s very particular about his body so he makes sure to do lots of chest exercises so that he can maintain his perfect tiddy size and have the body of a God! He isn’t a hairy guy so his chest is smooth to the touch and he loves to flex his chest so that it feels strong. His nips are dark pink. 100 out of 10 for face smothering! (Omg lemme motorboat you, Gild😭😭😭)

Rob Lucci🐆

His chest in his non-kitty form is pretty lean but still defined as he just prefers the look for when he’s wearing his suits. He has brown nips and some fine hair growing between his tiddies. 9 out of 10 for face smothering.

#ooc #one piece #charlotte oven #buggy the clown #marco the phoenix #donquixote rosinante #who’s who one piece #gecko moria #iceburg one piece #gild tesoro #rob lucci

[abysscronica]

One Piece, ATLA!AU

I was sick today, one brain cell left as I finished The Legend of Korra (Warrick best boi), here's where my poor mind went. No judgment. (very very mild spoilers for Korra)

One Piece x Avatar, the Last Airbender!

Air Nomads

Luffy (avatar)

Nami

Urouge (airbender)

Marco (airbender)

Dragon (airbender)

Koby

Sengoku (airbender)

Eneru (lightingbender)

Konis

Wiper (airbender)

Rayleigh

Pudding

Fire Nation

Sakazuki (firebender, firelord, blue fire)

Zoro

Drake (firebender)

Kaido (lightingbender)

Mihawk

Ace (firebender)

Sabo (firebender)

Kizaru (lightingbender)

Garp

Isuka

Perona (airbender, spiritual)

Moria

Heat (firebender)

Wire

Oven (firebender)

Ulti

Page One

Izou

Baby 5

King (firebender)

Earth Kingdom

Usopp

Chopper

Kid (metalbender)

Killer

Apoo (earthbender)

Blackbeard (bloodbender)

Big Mom

Whitebeard (earthbender)

Kuma

Bonney

Crocodile (sandbender)

Fujitora

Vivi

Katakuri (lavabender)

Queen

Sai

Bartolomeo (metalbender)

Water Tribes

Jinbe (waterbender)

Brook (waterbender)

Law (bloodbender, master healer)

Hawkins (bloodbender)

Shanks

Hancock

Doflamingo (bloodbender)

Rocinante

Koala

Ryokugyu (plantbender)

Tsuru

Shakky

Cavendish

Shirahoshi (waterbender)

Republic City

Sanji

Robin

Franky (metalbender)

Bege

Buggy

Reiju (waterbender)

Ichiji (firebender)

Niji (lightingbender)

Yonji (earthbender)

Vegapunk

Ivankov

Smoker (airbender)

Tashigi

Grus (earthbender)

Hibari

Caesar Clown (airbender)

Birdie

Lucci (lavabender)

Iceburg (mayor)

#I don't know why I did this #one piece x atla #one piece x avatar the last airbender #one piece atla au #I probably forgot some main character

[aurore-parle-de-ses-idees]

rani for the intro ask game 👀👀?

rani ‘i’m gonna cause problems on purpose’ sandyhill my beloved

probably a hobbit intro, but you could make it work for others if you wanted. you’re out for a walk or running errands or something and you run into rani, who is ostensibly on the job as part of the quickpost. she stops to chat and also to gossip, as one does, and in the middle of this you hear something coming down the road (with accompanying dread aura) and you get off the road

rani would love to go take a look at whatever’s coming down the road. you tell her this is a bad idea. she does not care. ‘here, take this [class appropriate weapon],’ she says. ‘where did you get this? where were you holding it?’ you say. ‘don’t worry about it,’ she says. (she bought it perfectly legitimately because she thought it looked cool) ‘take a few swings with it at that tree over there.’ (combat tutorial)

you turn around and she’s gone, already halfway up the hill to snoop. new objective: follow rani (quietly!). do not let yourself be seen

+dread

black riders on black horses come screaming down the road. +lots more dread. +fear effect sending you both running back down the hill

‘what was that???’ you want to ask. rani has no answers for you even if you do

rani: suddenly afflicted with a sense of responsibility that she’s been avoiding as long as hobbitly possible. ‘you should head home,’ she says, with terribly unconvincing calm. ‘maybe… maybe tell the bounders about this. yeah, tell the bounders. michel delving isn’t far.’

‘what about you?’ you say. ‘don’t worry about it,’ she says. (she’s gonna get back to delivering the mail. it’s fine! the riders went the other way. she definitely knows what she’s doing)

i don’t know that this one does a whole lot by way of typical introduction stuff- kinda just dumps you out in the world the way the mossward intro does. maybe you put a little run in with some neekerbreekers or one or two of the brigands who catch you in the normal hobbit instance before rani leaves. you just get dumped in the shire, really. you probably still get roped into talking to the sackville-bagginses, no matter how much you insist you weren’t anywhere near them, nor are you a bounder or a member of the quickpost, and you’re certainly not employed by the mayor’s office, and oops you’re fighting goblins and hanging out with this halros guy now. you keep meeting rani in the most ridiculous of places, and she keeps insisting she’s here on quickpost business (sometimes this is even true). she offers you a job with the quickpost. you maybe have already joined the quickpost (rani also 0% has the authority to hire people on the quickpost’s behalf, but that’s neither here nor there). you say goodbye to rani

you are in moria. there is a lynx-cat in the mines. rani is following it. ‘what are you doing here?’ you try to ask her again. ‘don’t worry about it :)’

#ask games #rani #she loves to cause problems <3 #she would be a godawful mentor and honestly that's the best part

[frostyreturns]

Frosty Ruins The Lord Of The Rings (1978)

This will be my first time ever watching this version of Lord Of The Rings, I didn't even know it existed until fairly recently. So this review is based on total first impressions.

To start with it opens like an old film serial and looks kind of janky. You could tell it was from a time where a lot of people probably didn't even know what Lord Of The Rings was, back when it was a far less mainstream property, back in the days where Robert Plant could slip plot details from the book into a song and expect that nobody would really take notice.

I'm not sure if the opening is live action or is rotoscoped like parts of the rest of the movie but it looks like they just filmed actors but did them all in shadow so they didn't have to design quality costumes. The voice over is classic 70's and is vaguely the same as the opening of Jacksons Fellowship Of The Ring, which becomes a theme.

The movie differs from the books and the Peter Jackson movies because it puts the scene of Smeagle murdering for the ring in with the introduction. However you can also see that Jackson obviously took a lot of inspiration from this version rather than just using the books as source material.

You can also see the ways that Jackson made it better, there are elements of the storytelling that to me are missing in this version. For example in this version as the nature of the ring is being revealed by Gandalf, he knows coming in what the ring is and begins the conversation by saying it is evil. Whereas in the movie there was some additional tension added by Gandalfs uncertainty, and there was a bit of a fake out and a moment of false relief. There's also the way Frodo just casually slips in the line about wishing this wasn't happening in his time…but it hasn't yet been established just how dire the situation is so the line falls flat.

As the animated portion of the movie takes off, you kind of see also that originally the story was marketted more exclusively to kids. The art style is a lot more cartoonish than I would have guessed, it's like studio ghibli crossed with an 80's cartoon like He-man. The voice over also sounds cartooney and is done in that same 80's cartoon manner. While I don't enjoy it as much as the live action which to me was near perfect…it's not terrible. The character design isn't my favourite but the art style is still very good even though the realistic live action animation rotoscoping doesn't mesh well with the cartoonish simpler animation or look all that great, but it is interesting, very well composed. The backgrounds look like they would all make good paintings that I would frame and hang around the house. The movie looks like it's a product of its time so I can see there being a dedicated fanbase for this version but I can also see people saying it's cheesy and dorky.

Speaking of bad character design. I hate what they did to most every character especially Sam, they made him look and sound like a little effeminate homunculus. Saruman the white they for some reason depicted in a red cloak. The Nazgul looked less intimidating and more zombielike, they had the movement of lurchy hunchbacks that would have been reminiscent of old 30's horror movies. Aaragorn also looked so frumpy and plain, almost native american looking. Elrond looked so plain and looked more like Kevin Nealon than the animated Kevin Nealon from 8 Crazy Nights where he played the mayor. The orcs and trolls looked like smudgy incoherent blobs, the only reason you can tell it's supposed to be a creature is the glowing eyes. Even the balrog looked weird and less intimidating…and they didn't really build it up in the Moria scenes like the books and other movies do. Although one interesting thing about the characters is I thought the voice actor for Frodo was excellent and actually sounded a lot like Elijah Wood, to the point I wonder if that effected his casting at all.

There are moments compositionally that seem amateurish, for example they introduce Merry And Pippin by having them simply walking behind the main characters without introduction, and then they threw in dialogue about them agreeing to follow them as far as Bree…but the audio sounded different and it sounded like the voice actor rushed the line to make it fit into the scene before it changed. Seems like they made a last minute change because they had to cut the scene where they introduced the characters or because they realized they forgot to explain who they were. Then it cuts to a shot of them doing a weird little dance and then the scene changed again…very strange and makes the whole thing looks less professional.

One other complaint I have is that the visual depictions of magic use are not well done at all, and if I did not already know what was happening I would have no clue what I was looking at. The duel between Gandalf and Saruman was just flashing lights, and there was a prolonged scene with the black riders where the background kept shifting in and out and it looked like they were in the sky one second and on land the next. And they just held out their hands and Frodo just seemed to stand there watching them point at him for no reason at all. Knowing the story I know what is happening but without the context of the books or the Jackson movies this scene would have been very confusing.

The action is also underwhelming. The way they swing their swords makes them look like less effective weapons than a twig, they hit enemies with a sword like they're using a blunt object, it's hard to describe what I mean but it just looks wrong.

The other main issue I have with the movie is that because it squeezes the whole story into one two hour movie a lot is missing, a lot is glossed over and many of the scene changes seem abrupt. For example they talk about going through Lothlorien and then cut immediately to talking with Galadriel. The biggest problem with this version is that so much is missing. It's only half the story with Return Of The King completely missing because of a cancelled sequel. But even much of the parts they did show were greatly cut down and much was ommitted.

One thing i liked about this version is that they never really explain in the Jackson movies how Frodo kept gollum in line. The idea that he could threaten to use the ring to command him as a thrall was never in the movie but it was in the books. So for all my complaints I can't say it wasn't a faithful adaptation. It was an interesting one time watch and for parts of it I did enjoy it, it is still Lord Of The Rings so it can't be totally bad. I'd certainly rather watch this than anything Amazon shits out. Overall though it wasn't good and it's enjoyablity depends on how much you enjoy anachronistic cartoons about classic fantasy literature.

#lord of the rings #1978

[bipolarman2022]

El tendría unos 65 años, me esperaba con bata de baño y me dijo que me desnudase y me pusiera delante de él. - Entonces tienes 25 años?- Si los tengo- A los mayores tienes que hablarnos con educación y de usted. Date la vuelta y camina para mi quiero verte... muy buen caramelo para lamer, piel joven y tensa . Te gusto? Aún que eso me da igual... me has salido muy caro. Tu chulo no se anda con tonterías, ponte frente al espejo.- y eso hice empezó a lamer y oler todo mi cuerpo y a derramar saliba, notaba su bigote espeso como babeaba mi pubis, poya, torso, axilas cuello, para terminar en la boca su enorme lengua en mi boca chorreando y oliendo a alcohol y tabaco. Que había hecho y tomando antes de que llegase? Lo sabría xq lo siguiente que hizo fue sentarse en un sillón y decirme que le sirviera una copa y le encendiera un puro, me pusiera a cuatro patas mostrando el agujero que si iba a follar a los diez minutos de su espectáculo me dijo que me volviera y le besara y cogió mi cabeza y me insertó su poya en mi boca. Después de no se cuanto tiempo me dejó descansar y ordenó que le sirviera otro baso de vino y le esperase a cuatro patas al borde de la cama. Al los quince minutos entró con la copa más llena de lo que yo se la dejé en una mano y el puro en la otra- voy a poner la copa en tu espalda para meterla procura no moverte si se derrama te daré pescozones hasta hartarme. -Y quizás para su disgusto no me moví, seguro que se moria por ostiarme. Me follo fuerte y duro notaba sus huevos chocar contra mi culo. Hasta que al final y por fin se corrió. Gemia y gritaba y como un cerdo, no era normal. Cuanto tiempo hacía que no follaba? Saco su poya, se tumbó sobre la cama y dijo... vístete Victor está en la puerta esperándote. - me sorprendió pero supongo que de eso es de lo que se trata mi nuevo trabajo. Le gusto, pues volvió a repetir. Y si, Victor estaba esperando en la puerta.

[florwal]

Moria Harris (I hope is Spelled her name right and if I did I deeply Apology) But is she in the safe as well because if so I love her style and I think I fallen in love with her. She's so styled 😄😄🤩🤩

yep she’s in the save! she lives in portsim 2 (newcrest) she’s the mayor’s daughter <3 ty i love her too she’s so pretty

#asks #her name is moriah cuz #i was listening to mariah carey we belong together #when i made her lmaoo

[jazminmagno]

pollo a la parrilla pollo al champiñón

En mi familia que es pequeña y desapegada no hubo más que tres casamientos y sus correspondientes tres divorcios mi abuela mi mamá y mi tía. nosotras o más bien yo no conocemos de cerca relaciones de más de cinco años. en mi familia no nos juntamos en las fiestas no tenemos siquiera un grupo de whatsapp siempre hay algo por qué pelear y salvo mis dos hermanos, no hay hombres. tres mujeres solas, o eventualmente juntas y sus hijas también. mi tía hoy se pelea con su actual pareja y decide no ir al 50 aniversario del casamiento de su tío y le dice a su prima que se cayó de la moto. mi mamá que contaba con ellos me pregunta si no la acompaño yo que estoy aprovechando el largo domingo para estudiar las categorías de clase social y así entregar un trabajo que hace mucho debo para estar más cerca de tener ese título de la carrera que no sé si quiero. en este trabajo pienso estudiar el significado del acceso a la educación para la población trans a la cual estoy conociendo de cerca. pero en el camino me desvío y busco libros sobre la familia y el género la identidad lo que significa la educación. el valor que tiene y para quiénes. ellas dicen que estudian para ser alguien. aunque todos los autores dicen más o menos lo mismo yo le cuento a mi mamá lo que estoy estudiando y ella sin saber bien me dice "qué interesante" en esos libros definen a la clase como: dependiente de la estructura económica y el oficio pero también de los gustos y consumos culturales.

algo que nosotras nunca asumimos. yo decido interrumpir mi estudio para que mi mamá no vaya sola. el festejo es en un club de barrio cerca de casa y colgado en la pared hay un mostradorcito de madera con una puerta de vidrio y adentro dos carteles anuncian la hora de atención de 19 a 22 y la asamblea de asociados con fecha 4 años atrás. en un estante muy alto un libro de recetas tiene escrito a mano en el lomo con fibrón SANWICH.

ni bien llegamos mamá se esfuerza a penas por reconocer sobrinos segundos para ella sin nombre y mientras se aguanta las ganas de decir cosas. antes de que llegue la comida en la pantalla donde pasan temas de ricky martin y luciano martinez aparece un video con el nombre de la empresa que lleva adelante el evento y en los parlantes muy fuertes un locutor entusiasta avisa que está por llegar el primer plato. un señor mayor vestido con camisa negra lleva en su mano un fuentón con empanadas y está por salir pero el más joven le dice, todavía no cuando empiece la música y el señor pone cara de resignación. entonces llegado el momento desfilan la gente aplaude y sobre los platos que están en las mesas ponen una empanada. mientras el señor va y viene pregunta varias veces si a la parrilla o con champiñón y nosotras le contestamos. a mi mamá le parece simpático pero un poco pesado. después ella me cambia de plato y elije lo que quiero yo y cuando me toca que elegir porción le digo que elija pero el señor se desorienta entonces ella entre risas le dice "no le quisimos decir para no confundirlo" mientras el señor y el chico sirven, ella se levanta al baño y yo la espero para comer. me doy cuenta de que en casa siempre tuvimos esa costumbre. su tía le pregunta si se halla en el barrio nuevo y ella dice que no no sale de su casa no ve a los vecinos. además enfrente hay un descampado y cerca tiran basura en la avenida hay mucho tránsito y odia manejar el barrio es feo no está asfaltado. es un plan de viviendas. su tía, que se parece a morticia si se vistiera de moria le dice que al menos la casa es suya. y ella dice sí, pero capaz algún día la vendo y me voy. el marido de ella que es taxista y se parece más a sandro hace cara como de “y, bueno” y entre otras anécdotas dice que se acuerda con cariño de los hígados encebollados con maicena que le hacía su abuela. de repente vuelve a sonar la música fuerte como un bocinazo y otra vez el video anuncia el segundo plato otra vez apagan las luces y el señor mayor desfila con el fuentón de metal y lleva de un lado pollo a la parrilla y del otro al champignon en lata y el chico más joven lleva ensaladeras con papas fritas y explica para quiénes son. las mesas son largas y no hay casi lugar para que pasen así que sirven entre la gente, se tiran arriba se chocan. todo está ajustado.

mi mamá me avisa tarde que hay que pagar la bebida yo no traje plata y ella trajo poca vemos qué tomar y no sabe si le alcanza entonces saca su monederito hecho desprolijamente a mano por mí y cuenta. no alcanza para un jugo. pedimos dos aguas. ella vino vestida con una camisa blanca como un delantal y su cartera gigante y lentes de sol. yo como siempre tengo un vestido negro lleno de pelos de gato y unos cancanes calados. mi mamá no importa dónde esté y qué esté haciendo siempre se nota que es una docente. cuando llegan las porciones ella dice qué poquito. o acá faltan los aderezos acá falta la sal. más tarde pasa mi tía la que de chicos nos agarraba con las uñas largas y pintadas y decía muy lento y como llorando sooonnn taaannn her moooo sooossss y la ve a mi mamá y dice "ella siempre a cara lavada" y después agrega ”su hermana también” yo digo que porque no sabe pintarse y no necesita y mi tía morticia dice "si ella se siente bien así está bien" y a eso se suma su prima a justificar como para que no se sienta en falta diciendo que sus nenas se delinean y se planchan y no sabe a quién salieron. mi mamá también opina sobre mi aspecto y dice qué lindo tenés el pelo yo le digo me lo voy a cortar y dice no te lo cortes o bueno pero las puntas, y no respondo. mientras terminamos de comer mi tía, la del aniversario, se acerca a preguntar si comimos bien y le digo que estaba rico y dice sí, no? estaba rico y se va conforme. el tercer video anuncia que se viene para los golosos el postre y el señor mayor y el chico pasan repartiendo unas bandejitas cerradas con dos gustos de helado y la cucharita que dice "artesanal". está congelado pero esperamos y después las luces se vuelven a apagar. de nuevo el video ahora con fotos de cuando eran jóvenes y se casaron de cuando sus hijos ya eran padres de todos juntos en una mesa en la vereda comiendo. suena el vals y quienes vendrían a ser mis tíos abuelos bailan bien vestidos y después sus hijos se suman. en ellos dos veo cómo se ve toda una vida y más con otro al lado. yo los filmo para mostrarle a mi abuela, que está en un viaje de jubilados en salta con la presión alta y felizmente rodeada de médicos, porque pienso que la va a alegrar verlos contentos.

siempre fue más solitaria y mal llevada pero me doy cuenta de que los quiere.

mi mamá aprovecha el ruido y me dice nos vamos. junta sus cosas y rápido saluda y encara para el auto. se queja de la mujer trapito que nos pide plata del tránsito y de las calles. en el camino dice que su tía moria era más pila que su otra tía, la del festejo, y le pregunto en qué sentido y dice que tenía un kiosco, después vendía ropa, y manejaba a la familia. siempre tuvo más ambición. me quedo pensando en ambición por qué. al segundo mamá me deja en casa intento leer y pensar en cómo me hubiese gustado una mesa larga cada tanto. no sé si sus gustos o los nuestros son los correctos no sé si yo a pesar de todo aunque no tenga belleza tengo ambición. pienso en las chicas cuando dicen que estudian para ser alguien. y me pregunto antes de ser alguien qué son? entiendo que tres mujeres solas no hacen una mesa larga ni reúnen las condiciones necesarias para festejar nada en ningún club. no llego a ninguna conclusión. lo primero que hago cuando estoy en casa es buscar la tijera entre mi desorden y mirarme al espejo mientras me corto sin dudarlo las puntas de mi pelo enrulado. al rato me llega un whatsapp de mi mamá que dice: gracias por acompañarme hoy y entonces entiendo.

[its-you-its-all]

happy birthday my love #26

no no voy a ser yo la que este emocionada por tu cumple, no van a ser de mi parte las flores que te lleguen, las historias en las que te mencionen, van a ser de alguien mas, me moria de ganas de pasar un cumpleaños mas contigo pero el del año pasado ni señales de humo, este por mas que yo quisiera estar contigo ser suficiente para ti

SER SUFICIENTE, creo que jamas voy a poder a llegar serlo, jamas voy a obtener el premio mayor que es una relacion y si la llegaraaaaaa obtener no se como se tornaria mi situacion, creo que me la pasaria pensando ya me esta engañando, me esta viendo viendo la cara

Agradezco no estar como el año pasado en una de mis cuspides de dolor, destrozarme a mi misma con pensamientos comparaciones

Creo que el compararme se me hace muy comodo es comodo porque no requiere algun esfuerzo,

[sadinunusualplaces]

Conspiración subliminal:

Hoy me di cuenta que los sueños nocturnos y que los mensajes del universo también desquician. Soñé que te morias por todas las dolencias y dramas que existen en el mundo. Y cuando me desperté aliviada de que solo fuera una pesadilla, vi un correo tuyo diciendo que hoy por “motivos de fuerza mayor” no te vería.

Dure todo el resto de la madrugada sin poder dormir pensando en lo que te pudo haber pasado y lo que me pasaría a mí.

¿Te abdujo un alien?

¿Contaste muchas ovejas?

¿Se murió tu gato?

¿Te replanteaste la vida?

¿No encontrabas tu inhalador?

¿Te desvelaste leyendo un buen libro?

En cuanto a mi:

¿Me dejaré de sentar adelante?

¿Dejaré de hablar?

¿Dejaré de divertirme?

¿Dejé de ser bonita y me torne rara?

¿Los cierres de ciclo me dejarán de parecer emocionantes?

[futanariwriter]

Nuka-Town (Vault 371) 18+ NSFW

Ch.1 Rock & Roll Deathclaw Attack

Up in Northern California along the Lost & Rocky Coast there lies a large vault constructed of hardened steel miles wide and deep containing roughly 2,000 inhabitants. After a random Deathclaw attack unsealed the vault it split the population in half and nearly 1,000 of its inhabitants migrated east headed towards “Happy Camp” where they are settled peacefully now. The Journey was arduous as always, death, disease, nuclear radiation rampant as ever.

 However, thanks to the Chems(chemicals) found by the scavenging parties of this happy little camp up in the hills a golden beacon upon the mountainside shimmering for all to see. Civilization had momentarily returned to the wasteland.. 

 https://5kyeeidtal.bandcamp.com/track/closed-universes-ring-singularities-nobodisoundz-mix

Along the Way a docile young vault girl wanders into an abandoned supermarket where when looking through an old rusty locker filled with radroaches she discovers something. A square Gelatin tablet with a Pac-Man symbol on it . Could it be? LSD? She thought to herself before mindlessly consuming the tab. 

Lady Jasmine BlackMarsh of the Elden Lands an anthropomorphic half cobra half shark hybrid was not born in Vault 371 but raised in it by her parents Nyuu, her father and son of Aranea, a powerful historical  figure who saved their world from the T-virus long ago.  She was a aquamarine colored Cobra with Beautiful orange eyes like lava and hissed to express her happiness at the world and was just generally a blissful creature. Upon leaving the old abandoned supermarket where she had consumed the LSD she headed east for many months following three full moons till she found a settlement known as Megaton. She walked in through the gigantic metal gate made of old scrap. Needing repairs for her Gold plated Uzi she inherited from her Grandparent Aranea when they finally passed 10 years ago. 

 Soon They were inseparable, petting each other all over town and Lady Jasmine's hissing had become almost constant. Jasmine's long half cobra half shark tongue slithered around Morias little clit and got tangled in her ginger pussy every night after that day! Though this heaven would soon turn to hell as mindless raiders attacked their beautiful megaton shack one day! They were saved by attacking super mutants whom they nuked with Morias Fat Man she had been saving behind the counter for this kind of a situation. There they built a new settlement there called “Nuka-Town” a LGBTQ friendly neutral settlement where taxes are paid in cannabis & Nuka Cola is freely dispensed in vending machines to its 8 residents.

 Currently in Nuka-Town(completely unaffiliated with Nuka-World)  there are 4 houses for the 4 families there & they each inhabit one distinct direction each. To the North The Werewolves, to the east the horse 'Egun' and his companion 'Esnei', to the south Lady Jasmine and her human lover Moria Brown author of 'The Wasteland Survival Guide’, and to the west lived Lady Priscilla skunk the honorary Mayor of Nuka-Town and all the other species. Lady skunk was very fussy and this is why they gave her this position to keep her and her delicious smelling juices away from the populus. Together they formed a post-apocalyptic version of a furry-like animal crossing village where weapons and ammo could be traded for items like food and water. One day a casino is constructed where they all have a furry BDSM orgy….until one day it is over-run by the NCR. 

“The wasteland is still hungry, but I am the only  one which can feed it,'' thought 18 year old Jasmine,.She alone can satisfy its lusty hunger. 

     Ch.2  Call me Judgment

Lady Jasmine BlackMash was with the Werewolves 'BadGirl Buttercup' and 'Problem Pup'  who would harvest souls…I mean…scavenge at night! Holding her .50 Cal upright she kicked the door open to the abandoned chem lab! Gimme all the "Bepis" you got or I’m gonna start shooting!! Bullets were flying everywhere, left and right, diagonally, hexagonally, inside out, inside other dimensions of space and time and across the hall. 

Lady jasmine BlackMarsh had been Shot through the Hood which all Cobras had upon their head. She hissed “SSSSssssSSssSsssssSSSS '' and took cover fearing defeat and even greater injury. She stitched and suitred it right then and there which was pretty “Bad-Ass” if I do say so myself. 

    "A little 50% rubbing Alcohol also never hurts" she thought. It did burn though …she hissed again! Though this could not be avoided for even the daughter of the great Nyuu could not withstand the pain this caused her and the bullet holes were cleansed of anything which could infect them. Lady Jasmine Kyuu BlackMarsh of the Elden Lands was a Freelancer, an ancient disgraced knightly order. As she stared into the distance she began to fall down the dry mountainside unexpectedly( Probably from so much blood loss to her brain). She quickly grabbed her snowboard (hit a chunk of rock with her musket and held on for dear life) and sled down the hill holding her gold plated musket in hand in case of a suprise deathclaw attack while snowboarding down the hill. She loaded it with a shot of Pure SIlver Bullets (not cheap)which could put down anything, they were made by Moria Brown 60 years old currently residing inside Nuka-Town after her old one was destroyed by somebody called the lone wanderer. Sounds kind of crazy to me, but that's the wasteland for yah”.

“Ys-Attan Vrsana Pretesh!!’ BlackMarsh said summoning a Merkabah of light blue which then summoned a seraphim or large angelic being to aid mankind. This spirit appeared around her.

 Spirits from a nearby Vampire Den have been reported roaming on the road by Nuka Town by the local officials *cough* like Lady Priscilla Skunk The Wise always profounding the ancient mantra which I so adore of Wisdom, Emptiness, and Restraint. A perfect Trigram of human knowledge”  *cough* She was the most popular girl at Nuka Town high back in 2100 A.E. which would make her hundreds of years old considering she was born in 2019. So I went with my angel to investigate; when I found a mysterious portal glowing violently purple and made of 24 skulls of humans all missing teeth and had long dreadlocks and beads with gold at the end.

At the end of a Vampire Tomb to another world where I saw another large angel (different than the one I had summoned previously)moving amongst the stars. I came back through the portal and now attempt to unite Nuka-Town, send everyone to a new reality which is non-irradiated and never have to worry about the NRC again!

I went back to the center of Nuka-Town and said to everyone “listen up, this is a conscription I found a portal to another world with a giant Lich in it I literally can’t kill it alone and I need all my friends from Twitter to help me!They called back… ok, but only because the fabric of time and space is literally threatened as we all  have heard the reports of vampires from priscilla Skunk the wise immaculate one too. They all put away their alcohol, smoking, and sex toys temporarily….It took about 2 hours. I did a short role call examining everyone's weapons and magic shortly before this epic battle.

I brought them that night to the Vampire's Tomb where we camped for a moon and trained by slaying vampires which would come to feast upon living flesh. There I found the Demon slayer Egun and their Partner Esnei who was a constant source of emotional support when times got rough. The sealer D’Lee-Doe was in our ranks, with his mighty fist of holiness telling us always about reaching heaven through violence. He was a large seagull person who had trained in the art of sealing away demons with sacred chants and salt. He would pray to Kali daily with his meals as well carrying a one and a half foot statue of her around constantly to pray to it at the appropriate times throughout the day. The local mayor even showed up! That’s right PriscillaSkunk who was traveling all the way from the western most part of Nuka-Town to be there and give the party her sweet tears in a bottle! We would all make offerings of Milk to her and she was fun and goofy to be around like in a Julie Andrews ‘Sound of Music’. She carried around a big pole with over 30 bells on it and was considered the towns priest as this created a wall which no demons could ever hope to pass at whim.  Egun was a very calm and reserved party member as I recall, and Esnei was very joyful and playful, always hugging you. I would give her a spank with a bamboo cane regularly. She didn’t like this much though being a panda she considered it a food fetish, but kept trying to tell her it was more that I just thought it was a great honor to be spanked in my culture however. We got along quite well after this and I learned to show respect to the mistress of “Egun The Demonslayer”.

The Where-wolve shade girls, Bad Girls Buttercup and Problem Pup had been training their shinobi arts when they weren't trying to make new synth music using old junk found in abandoned wreckage from the Arken civilization which remained after the explosion. They wore intricate masks made by gifted artisans to hide their true identity and custom made Katar claws and guillotine axes which could be held by hand and swung viciously decapitating opponents with a single blow before running into the night. 

After one whole month of fighting these walking dust piles(changed for legal purposes) which came from the purple portal with 24 heads with dreads and gold at the end, the time had come to enter the portal where the large angel/ Arch Lich entity came from just one month ago. Even our chanter Priscilla knew their high leveled spells would be of little use against this behemoth collectively or die trying. We formed the power circle right before entering the catacombs, an Ancient Chanter ritual to get everyone excited through their own auras, actually a very scientific process according to Moria. 

Instantly a cold chill possessed us and we all felt as though we were going to die. A golden tomb lay in front of us with a woman engraved up its outside and it opened instantly as we entered through the other side of the portal. The Lich said, welcome travelers, I am darkness, I am death, which do you desire? 

I should have been more prepared. What was I thinking bringing everyone into this?!t was more than risky, insane even! However, we were more than just pawns on a chessboard, we are ICONS! I had been unable to dodge its initial blast of molten green energy dew which emanated from its casket. I limp down to a cloud which could hold me there. I thought quick wait, I can just shoot a chain out of my musket into this Beings abdomen. I shot, and whipped right around him firing 50 cal. bullets from thin air even though my arm had been melted off by the Behemoth I now call him Bethesda for around this beautiful angel lie pools of dead corpses which he would eat. Beings from other dimensions…unfolding pain and agony in every direction.

“Attack the Colossus!” I screamed to my friends, we were more a coalition of Demiurges in the reality before this one, and this was how we were going to break free, we had to keep moving forward or there would be no reality to return to. The being completely teleported out of the room and took this time to heal myself using a strong herbal potion. Meanwhile Lady Priscilla Skunk cast their spell Songweave which blessed our party with the might of the gods themselves at this time, as she rang her beautiful bells in her ladylike dresses with her fancy handmade hats. Though this was not enough as the fire had already taken my arm. This caused Lady Jasmine BlackMarsh of the Elden Lands to walk to the edge of the large room they were in and begin to bandage her arms…saving her from bleeding to death. Luckily she was right handed and it had been her left forearm because she would have been terribly crippled since she was primarily right handed. She soon realized that there wasn’t any way she was gonna get back in this fight after being crippled by the world eater Bethesda. “It was now or never” she thought, picking up her Winchester and firing its hook into the eye of Bethesda! 

I hurtled toward the behemoth at a ferocious speed and before I knew it I had whizzed through the skull of him causing him to collapse as my experimental power armor had propelled me like a bullet into his skull. I almost got stuck but was able to dig out using a Mr. Handy chainsaw which I like to keep on hand in situations like these. I then sawed off the head and we hauled the body through the portal to the other world keeping it open in-case we ever needed to go back and Priscilla skunk was even left there to guard it and Nuka Town Quantum was established there that day! I also felt that I became more than a cobra that day…I became Royalty!” 

Ch.3 Appolexus 

Even though she had obtained all the riches she could ever want in the new “Dark World” some might call it due to its very nature, she was not satisfied and missed the old world with a passion of nostalgia. I decided to make a trip back to find some books at Morias old shack. 

However I found something strange, that everyone who had stayed there was now very old implying that we stayed very young in the dark world, some kind of new immortality I am not aware of. Apparently my grandchildren are now some of the inhabitants and they use this thing called Twitter to communicate by sending terrible memes to each other…idk bro they say sometimes and i don’t even honestly know what this means at all. Now when we return to the light world people believe us to be a traveling caravan of murdering hippies who want to tear down their Pleasantville-esque utopia of racism and inequality which Nuka-Town was never meant to be. So those of us from the original world who disagree with this go and sell Nuka Cola-Quantum illegally in protest to this. After infringing on every copyright law something happens….

Aliens come to Terra and take Lady Jasmine Blackmarsh to a new earth inhabited by zombies.There she learns of her zombie slaying heritage and changes her name to Aesma J. BlackMarsh Princess of the Pistol. A real Dead Eye 80 in her day blessed with the Shinigami Eye  of her ancestor <The Electro-Dragon> which was written on an old lighthouse by the shores of Bastion Poppy territory allowing her to earn this title. Upon returning to earth she starts ranching out in Fort Garland Colorado by Mt. Blanca and Moria live out the rest of their days happy together in a nice little Hobbit Hole they made together on a nice and dry rocky hill.

[ladedicatoria]

A las infancias del pasado 

que nos habitan

A las infancias del futuro 

que nos liberarán.

A Diego, que me las trajo al presente.

Y también a quienes por marzo del ‘21 leyeron el texto en las redes y mencantearon, compartieron, comentaron, mandaron mensajes y emojis. A mi tía Estela, que me llamó desde España. A las chonguitas de Chonguitas: masculinidades de niñas, edición de fabi tron y val flores, que como un espejo invertido me inspiraron de un tirón “trolo, trolo” una mañana. A mi padre, que entretanto se murió sin haberme vuelto a hablar ni querido ver. Para mucha gente todavía la homosexualidad y la disidencia sexo-genérica, de tan inaceptables pueden bloquear los mismísimos vínculos filiales: en él también la ideología patriarcal fue más fuerte que su supuesto amor de padre. Armada así con fotos, afectos e intercambios, la escritura sale del armario de las artes & las letras y, desnuda ante a la imaginación pública, entra a yirar con las cicatrices de un habla íntima: es lo que me lleva, por último, a dedicarle este paratexto a La Dedicatoria.

Mayo de 2022

¡trolo, trolo!

Ése era el insulto, la injuria, el sambenito que me imponía la horda cuando me tocó ser niñe, allá por los ‘80.

Había pasado mi primera infancia oyendo el marica, maricón, mariquita remolacha, de abuelos, mamá y tíos y, por supuesto, de mi viejo, el liso y llano puto, para referirse a una condición del ser que, a todas luces, no estaba permitida o, al menos, quedaba marcada como inaceptable, funesta, digna de repudio, asco y, a la vez, la mayor parte del tiempo, de burla, ironía, risa.

-Están cagados en las patas, parece, los de Dinastía. El tragasable del Rock Hudson le ha dado un beso a la Linda Evans y, como todos andan con todos mientras filman, el elenco entero se va a agarrar sida.

-En el centro, esta mañana, el gordo ése que hace café-concert, cómo se llama, qué vergüenza que me dio, con un equipo de siré, unos lentes, vos lo vieras, una bataclana del cotolengo. 

-No, esa mujer nunca más volvió ni a abrir las ventanas. Una empleada le barre la vereda, le hace las compras, desde que al hijo se lo echaron del Liceo por maricón.

Trolo en cambio fue el mote que empezó a usarse en la época en que yo salía de la salita de primero y segundo grado al club (me mandaban a karate), la parroquia (me mandaban a catequesis), las calles del barrio (me mandaban a hacer las compras, a jugar a la plaza, a que me diera un poco el sol). “¡Trolo, trolo!”. Cuando alguien vino con la noticia de que Olmedo se había muerto, yo me puse contento, porque era ése sin duda el tipo que había popularizado la palabra. Es más, Atracción peculiar, su última bazofia otra vez junto a Porcel, la absorbía desde su subtítulo, en un grado más ominoso a medida que expandía su espectro sinonímico, su familia de palabras: “Los trólex se divierten”. Recuerdo a toda la familia muerta de risa, escapándosele el salamín de los sanguchitos por las bocas, ante las “picardías” del Manosanta o Perkins, entre los bráshins despampanantes y los concheros con lentejuelas de Beatriz Salomón, Adriana Brodsky y Silvia Pérez. En la tele, eran los tiempos del chiribí chiribí de Moria, el divinaaaaaaa de Susana y “la tanguita para después de la semanita” de Noemí Alan. La revista Libre, en su propaganda entre He-Man y Robotech a las cinco de la tarde, anunciaba: Esta semana desnudamos a Susana Romero o a Yuyito González y, con la Tetamantis de fondo, concursantes de jeans nevados y camisolas con hombreras decían en Finalísima muy seguido “un afeminado” para referirse a ciertos protagonistas del chiste que podía ganar los mil australes. 

-Papá ¿qué es un afeminado?

-Un puto.

“¡Trolo, trolo!”. Faltaban unos años todavía para los ‘90, para el “tortero balín” de los gomas de Tinelli en joda 24/7, y la familia argentina unida conjuraba su homofobia burlándose del Ricardito Araña de Ricardo Arana en Matrimonios y algo más… los sábados a la noche. Faltaba todavía para que un Gianola le mariconeara a un Francella los domingos al mediodía, dejando escapar risitas cada tanto para que nadie pensara que iba en serio. Eran los tiempos en que los noticieros pretendían tapar los alzamientos carapintadas y la hiperinflación que se venía a fuerza de colalés y un pedo nunca oído de María Amuchástegui. Mientras, con la teve por cable y el VHS aún en ciernes, los horarios de emisión se acortaban a causa de una crisis energética armada para que en breve se lo bendijera a Menem por privatizar nuestras inútiles empresas de servicios estatales. Años que se me mezclan ahora en el recuerdo, entre una sala de maestras donde escuché cómo muchas estaban de acuerdo con el divorcio pero no en ese momento, la tapa de Gente con un cuerpo sin cabeza gracias a un tanque militar de la Tablada y unas cajas de cartón de la Caja Pan con que las familias damnificadas por el terremoto se protegían del frío en unas carpas de camping allende el zanjón Frías. 

“¡Trolo, trolo!”, me gritaban los pibes que intercambiaban figuritas del mundial México ‘86 cuando yo pasaba cerca saltando y revoleando la bolsa de las compras, como Megan rodeada de pequeños ponis. “¡Trolo, trolo!”, me repetían las chicas de gimnasia artística cuando después de una medialuna o “salto árabe” yo saludaba como Nadia Comănecci, en spagat: 

-Los varones no marcan así el final del ejercicio, nene- me aclaraba el profesor -sino parado, con un brazo en alto nomás. 

“¡Trolo, trolo!” me hacían llorar los compañeros de catequesis de la vicaría San Cayetano una vez que, ante quienes decían ser Fortachón, Genio o Bromista, yo dije que era Pitufo Vanidoso. 

Y es que antes de que vinieran el cine adulto, la música joven y la literatura inmortal a masculinizar mis hábitus y que mi imaginario fuera así rediseñado hacia identificaciones más naturalizadas para mi adolescente exceso de testosterona, siempre tuve tendencia a mimetizarme con las mujeres. Las imitaba. Cuando mi mamá me retaba, le decía “te aborrezco”, igual que Luisa Kuliok a Arnaldo André en Amo y señor. Cuando algún compañerito “medianamente logrado” se burlaba porque yo siempre sacaba “distinguido”, le decía, con la trompa de Etelvina Baltasarre en Señorita maestra: “Lo que pasa es que me tenés envidia”. 

-A ver vení acá, qué tenés en la cara ¿jabón? 

-Bah, ¿una nueva?  

-De dónde habrá sacado la huevada este pendejo…

¡Cómo me enojé con la Virgencita cuando no le importaron mis ruegos! Por favor le había pedido que nunca pasaran la propaganda de Nastassja Kinski probando y recomendando el nuevo Lux, delante de mis padres en el recién comprado Sanyo a color.

-Desde hoy nunca más dejás cerrada la puerta del baño, ¿me escuchaste? 

En mi casa no se escuchaba casi rock (ni un disco de los Beatles o Charly hubo nunca) sino tango y ese pop latino que ellos llamaban melódico. Madonna por ejemplo para mí era alguien de quien hablaban nomás las nenas que se hacían las chuchis, y Michael Jackson, Tina Turner o Phil Collins sólo unos nombres que se anunciaban por la pequeña radio junto a la que tomaba sol mi tía Stella cuando era soltera. Pero sí recuerdo poner una y otra vez los casets de Valeria Lynch, Amanda Miguel y María Marta Serra Lima, y cantar en el comedor imaginándome que estaba en Badía & Cia o el Festival OTI de la Canción.

#retratx #3 #gaston #ortiz #bandes

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Crecer

Cuando recuerdo mi niñez recuerdo el silencio, me produce escalofrios. Recuerdo callarme todo por que sentia que no valia la pena, que de todas formas todos me odiaban, tenia tan internalizadas las palabras de odio que me convencia de que lo mejor seria fingir que no existia y no permitir que nada saliera de mi boca. Si existia era en silencio, con audifonos para no aturdirme con la incomodidad, me movia entre los habitantes de mi casa fingiendo que no me conocian, interactuava con ellos lo necesario y me aferraba a cualquier lugar fuera de casa para existir. Me hacia pequeña, tan pequeña, que sentia que implotaria.

Si hago las cosas sin que se me pida, pensaba, no tendran por que gritarme mas; me hechaba a los hombros responsabilidades que me ahorrarian un regaño o dos, un golpe o dos. A veces ardia en ira pensando que todas las cosas que hacia no importaban, nadie las apreciaba, nadie me queria de todas formas asi que ¿por que no parar?, pero tenia miedo, me moria de miedo todo el tiempo por que me sentia tan pequeña que podrian pisotearme.

Que largo a sido el recorrido de esa niña pequeña que se encogia de miedo, por un tiempo me molestaba la idea de saber que ahora no podia callarme ni por mi propio bien, que no existe en mi espacio para tomar responsabilidades y ser despreciada. Tuve que crecer, casi contra mi voluntad me tuve que obligar a ocupar espacio, tuve que obligarme a hablar por mi cuenta y defenderme, a dejar de aceptar ser despreciada, dejar de ser maltratada. Se sintio revelador, como ir a comprar zapatos nuevos y darte cuenta cuanto apretaban los zapatos viejos, caminar sin sentirlos aplastar y doler con cada paso.

Crei alguna vez que mi mayor defecto era ya no poder callarme, no poder hacerme diminuta, pero no es asi, ahora que me veo tan grande, tan valiente, creciendo, tomando espacio y siendo sincera conmigo misma es cuando mas me amo. Ya no tengo miedo a crecer por que ya es demasiado tarde para ser pisoteada, y de pronto todo lo que no hago es un inconveniente cuando antes no era importante por que lo haria de todas formas. Ahora se que valgo algo, que no puedo seguir esperando ser vista y apreciada si sigo intentando hacerme pequeña es cuando me doy cuenta lo que a cambiado en mi el obligarme a crecer. 

Releerme, recordar y saber lo que era ya no duele, ahora que me tengo para defenderme ya no duele mas.