#me: im gonna write a short thing

[theloveinc]

deku x reader - succession!au, uhhhhh............... deku has a thought abt parenthood. it's bad.

(warning - short, talk of pregnancy but no actual gender of reader mentioned, mild talk of stds, drugs, sleeping around.... etc.?)

-

“I want a baby,“ your boss, Deku, the near-CEO of media conglomerate AllMightco, says randomly one day, halfway through your lunch break (that he demanded you spend with him), and in the middle of your well-earned silence after a long conversation about whether Bakugo needs antidepressants.

You can only gape at his words, close but not too close to where he’s seated at one of the little armchairs he has in his office for any business casual meetings that require somewhere cozy to sit in spite of any fighting words that may be spit (and for fucking, you’re rather quite aware).

“Maybe it’d be… good for me. I love kids and, I think, I think,” he continues, stuttering like he always does when he’s nervous, excited, high, his tone questioning despite his making of it a statement. “it would give me a break from work?”

All you can do is laugh at the question, dryly, in disbelief, unsure of whether he’s being serious or just sharing some secret, wistful dream. You decide to tell him the truth either way.

“You can’t have a baby just because you want time off.”

He ignores you, though.

“I have all this money, and what for…?” he waves his shaky hands, “I could have a family. I’d change diapers and buy toys and take them to the beach.”

(Though just last week, he was fighting the board for more funds, screaming in that raspy voice he always develops after working through the night that he’d give up any and all vacation time for the foreseeable future if it meant keeping Toshinori Yagi in a position, any position, at the company for the next five years.)

You throw your laptop aside and stand up from your wilted salad and grapefruit soda that’s now sweating on the coffee table to walk around the edges of his desk. You throw a leg over one sharp corner, the exposed part of your ankle brushing his knee as you address him directly.

“And who would be having this child, Deku?“ you ask. “An ex? A surrogate? Ocha—“

He gives you those eyes, slouching down into himself, reaching out to pull your butt of his table and grip the back of your thighs to pull you in between his legs. You can feel the length of his overgrown green curls brushing your fingertips as you put your hands on his stiff shoulders to keep yourself from falling right into him.

“Me? Izuku,” you clarify, (though you always call him Deku), “me? What do you think? I’m just gonna say yes, no warning, no nothing? We’re not even dating, sweetie.”

—and just last week Kirishima offered to drive you to the clinic with him to tested, though you’re not going to bring that up now, even if you know Deku already knows you’re sleeping around. He is too.

He closes his eyes, resting the back of his head against the heavy, red leather of his office chair. The stubble on his face is more noticeable than ever; he even has a little knick under his chin from shaving, and you move to brush your thumb against it as he swallows thickly.

“I’m just tired,” he says, blinking his dark lashes into the bags under his eyes,

“I know, baby. But a child is not way to fix that” you say. The for anyone part, you just think.

Deku pouts. He sighs. Then his face relaxes and he sags, his hands falling off you to lay limp in his lap, the silence in the room stretching like salt water taffy from the pier.

#deku x reader #deku #izuku midoriya x reader #i stopped watchin succession at like. halfway into season 4 #and i just decided to start watching again and ofc i thought of this immediately #short but HOW'D I DO???? #hows my writing lol #lots of ppl following me #anyway i uh..... #and ofc bakugo overhears u and todoroki somehow has the same idea as deku #it's A LOT #but i thought add that would make it tacky #and all the other dialogue i thogught of too #anyway gonna shower take a look at this again to make sure its alright and then GO TO SLEEP #my roommates sister is visiting and its my other roommates birthdat and i feel like im chained to them ... help #im dam sick of being nice to them #caitie post #caitie things #gen #succession au

[puppyeared]

Been LOVING your lil magician folks recently please continue they're beautiful and very cute and cool and also very well-designed!! 🥺❤️

thank you for the kind words !!! im not much of a writer, but i do have some sort of story in mind for them.. theyre bitter rivals who end up as roommates bc of their scatterbrained elderly landlord lol

#idk how much of it im gonna keep or change but thats basically the gist of it ^_^ #i dont know if i could ever write a solid linear story bc im very indecisive and tend to change things a lot so most of what i make ends up #very abstract or nonlinear.. just short drabbles or stuff that can be slotted into a general setting or premise #although i do want to challenge myself to try and write some sort of enemies/rivals to friends because i have a huge weak spot for that #dynamic!! i tend to be a little soft on my characters which i think has to do with me being a conflict avoidant person. so maybe exploring #this kind of dynamic will help me experiment with my sense of storytelling. although i cant promise it will be written well lol #im also thinking of making their story part of a bigger world so kinda like an omnibus?? i have another story in mind i think i can fit int #the same canon and itd be funny if theres like a bunch of wacky going ons between different apartment tenants nichijou style #but we'll see!!! thank you for your interest in these little shits!!!! #my art #myart #my oc #oc #presto #shuffle #house of cards #oc talk #ask #doodles #yapping

[theriverdraws]

I know some of you might have other favorite characters in UT/DR, and that's completely fair, I myself didn't have a favorite for a long time since I loved them all.

..But can we all agree that Asriel/Flowey is the best character Toby has ever written until now?

Just everything about his tragic story and development, how in genocide we can see explained how he changed so much from a sweet little boy who just wanted to save everyone and who loved his family, to a sadistic, apathetic, and manipulative flower.

That, and the hints that Flowey is still Asriel no matter how hard he tries to deny it. He's done so many awful things, and has gone through so much and in the end he's just a scared, panicked, sad child who doesn't want to be alone.

I couldn't explain it too well I think, there are just so many things to love about him.

It's all just so, so good.

#obviously this is only to ut!Asriel #im sure dr!Asriel is gonna be great but he is gonna be a lot different without all this trauma the ut counterpart has smsjsk #another character who I would say can compete to the title of best written character by Toby would be sans or spamton #but sans has some bits a bit vague due to gaster and certain implications that he's actually from the dr universe and all that stuff so #and spamton just made me feel so many things with the short time he has #i was horrified but I also felt so sad and when he just broke I was in shock #but again I just think Asriel/Flowey is better #maybe becauss he has a lot more different aspects to him by almost being two different charscters in one and all that stuff #also the dreemurr tragedy is simply the most heartbreaking thing and definitely one of the best tragedies in video games #i will not change my mind #but tbh every character Toby has made has so many aspects to them I simply love it so so much #even in characters I dont like I can appreciate the writing! #cof cof King cof cof #Asriel #asriel dreemurr #ut asriel #undertale #deltarune #flowey #flowey the flower #ut flowey #toby fox #OH YEAH ALSO KRIS #Definitely a contender for future best character if we're all correct about them #but its too early to judge #they got big chances though

[oatbugs]

oh my god u rly are everyone you've ever loved !! for better or worse !! a part of you becomes them!

#i had a moment of lucidity idk im in this café the person i went on a few dates w is coming to see me i said come study w me #and they said okay immediately even though im a town over and i dont like them i really dont feel even a little attracted to them that way #but i did let them bite my neck a week ago and it still hurts i let them hold my hand i just #i never start anything #i let them kiss me. why do i do that? i dont feel anything towards them #and i told them ill probably never sleep with them and i thought thats enough but it really isnt is it #they write poetry about people they meet even once #theyre coming a whole town over to study w me but its not a date i feel nothing towards them romantically and i dont want to lose them as #a friend. this was her line of thinking wasnt it? i would take the train and meet her near her place in ldn and wed study together and #shed let me hold her and she would never initiate much and we were just studying together and it wasnt a date #like . fuck. i dont want to do what she djd to me to another person ever #their shared location map went offline at london bridge like ok theyre in the underground they are fr coming a whole town over #its a short distance but the point is i think i should have taken what my friend said more seriously . she told me i was kinda leading #them on bc what i thought to be just meetups dates might entail more for them #anyway im gonna be clear w them this time maybe #....IT JUST NEVER COMES UP IS THE THING #do i have to clarify even if it never comes up #i do in fact hear myself #ok #the parallels r lining up #aaa

[jacksprostate]

yo dude i was really curious and i just read yr primal fear fic, just wanted to say that your writing is genuinely so impressive.. not a lot of people could take a prompt like this and actually give it so much substance, your stuff shows such a deep level of understanding of the media ur working with +intuitiveness.. like characterizing shit well from 90s movies is crazy hard and u like immediately got how to write an in-character martin vail so if u can do that u can do any thing im like blown away 🙈 cant wait to see what u do in the future with yr original stuff, youre a beast with the pen ✍️✍️

sobbing for real dude.... this is so kind... "shows such a deep understanding of the media youre working with" truly there is few better compliments 😭 the 'from 90s movies' part is hard as hell sometimes yeah... I feel like I understand the psyche pretty well but there's so much just general milieu that's easy to just... not even realize is relevant. Of course it helps that most of my readers are also not particularly familiar with the 90s lmao but. Idk I try to keep that post-fall of the soviet union pre-9/11 immense nihilism in mind. Fortunately I have some friends who have a pretty strong lock on the vibe for one reason or another who help too— I assume they'd tell me if it was a 'he would not fucking say that' situation haha. It's funny wrt Martin Vail because I do think I did him pretty passably.. I don't always mesh into characters well per se; like for Tyler, I think I understand him pretty well but it's still tricky to figure out how to actually word what he says — I'm tempted to outsource to @a-forsteri who has a goddamn LOCK on it... we should collab, bestie... but regardless yeah Vail was an interesting one for sure. You only get so much characterization of him in the movie, really. Thanks for reading and I'm really glad you enjoyed it, comments like this are what keep me going fr :')

#asks #apologies if this just seems like rambling in response haha #u: your original stuff #me: dodges and runs #nah... i want to do that too #im just first and foremost a fic writer in that i really enjoy the specific Art of working with preexisting characters and materials. #the intertextuality of it and base assumptions which can be exaggerated or inverted.... it's very interesting and fun for me. #otoh i really like the little story i came up with in my head. i would love to come up with more #i need to just. work out how to write longer things i think. maybe ill do the chuck strat and just treat the whole thing as a collection of #short stories #just gonna work out how to introduce people to characters.... #hahaha

[melrosing]

anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me

#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags #like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol #since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything #they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts #and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god #then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me #so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through #like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again? #and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence #it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’ #to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’ #and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’ #WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’ #and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win??? #like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao #i leave end of the month #at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened #I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!! #I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[ethereiling]

i dont think i should be allowed to name my google docs anymore

#avpswjy #LIKE BRO WHAT ARE THESEEEE #i was just trying to see if i had a doc for my weird machine horror story #i do but im gonna make a diff one. and probably name it smth like this. unfortunately #the worst part is these are all either like life organization things OR genuine serious writing #eeby deeby is a comic script i was working on. bepsi is one of my fave pieces of writing ive ever done. kill me. #aaaaanyway im gonna try to just charge forward and write the machine story #ive been thinkin abt it lately and i want smth short to kind of warm up with #then its cowboy time i think :) #i feel like i should say also that my art files are SO well organized and then my writing files are. this.

[httpiastri]

Oscar is so bad LOL What even is he doing?

go off, anon 😚 you seem to know a lot

idk if i would say p9 in the championship, two podiums and being one of the four people to win a race this year is “so bad”, but you do you i guess

#first of all…. sending stuff like this to an oscar blog is so funny 🤣🤣 #you think i’m gonna agree??? #it’s pretty interesting imo how like #all of a sudden #p10 as a rookie and p5 in the quali is ‘bad’ #(quali = shootout sorry) #when he’s a rookie who’s never done cota before #constantly outperforming not only the other rookies but also very experienced drivers #kinda same for lando how everyone was like ‘poor guy had a bad weekend!’ in Qatar #like… if y’all said a few months ago that two P3s would be BAD then i would’ve lost my shit #mclaren fans became spoiled in such a short amount of time lmao #don’t get me wrong im not against it lol im just trying to stay appreciative of every thing that goes right #anyway #oscar is not bad #sorry anon #you’re watching a future wdc #you should be thankful 😇 #told myself to not write too much because this is just a silly hater but then i did 😶 #asks! #anon!

[quirkle2]

helplessly flailing around an arena while the boss beats u senseless is the elden way

#qktalks #i am playing in very short bursts bc i have the attention span of a spoon #but !! beat my first proper boss. why did it look like that #forget the name of it but it was that weird stone cat thing .......whydoes it move like that #terrifying to be frank #given how much trouble im already having i have No idea how im gonna beat margit. but that's a ways away #honestly im perfectly content to ride around on my oddly small horse and kill everything that doesn't look like it'll kill me instantly #average day at walmart #why did i write that that makes no sense. what did she mean by this

[kocch]

me whenever I put all my effort into that One fic and leave That comment and the author responds selectively to that one comment: omg I've been noticed by senpai - am I, am I better than everyone??

#is it because ive written fics since the late 2007 and i know what an author likes? maybe. but it feels especially good to leave a good #comment to a great fic hoping that the author will get how much you liked it and how much it made you feel things and sometimes the author #replies and its absolutely the best feeling. but even if they dont reply they still read all of thos comments and one should try to at leas #leave some message there.. sure not every fic will make me wax poetry about it but even just a short comment can be a nice sign #this me rambling about olliecoddle my recent fave byler author btw they write things that make me Feel i really enjoy their fics!!!! #ahhh #personal #one day -soon- im gonna reread in undertow by olliecoddle and draw some fanart for it bc it made me Feel. my heart was raw. #yes this is a crazy rambling kfkrkdj

[lolexjpg]

ok so um. actual fic plans: rly wanna finish on finishing fics that already have a good chunk written--girl!alex/lando, girl!liam/logan, and model!logan/driver!alex.

then i'll be in a better place to jump into any of my various longer projects, including maybe start storyboarding slow burn sargewood? ofc i ALWAYS work on what my heart wants but this is the priority list otherwise.

#im gonna have a doc open for the indy race this saturday. i think the splitting my brain between two things will be good 4 me #i am REALLY INTO the a/b/o fic im writing tho WE'LL SEE #if i can at least STORYBOARD sargewood loosely outline chapters and timelines that'll hopefully make it less intimidating #she speaks #she writes #ALSO model!logan wip so far isnt even 1k i just KNOW its gonna be a short lil romp tho :) i love her

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol #except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade #plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me #god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set #looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u #the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno? #it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control #executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont #wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral #sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive #lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not #forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho #my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly #need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im #dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter #what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by #my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything #interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to #fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i #described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that #idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean #ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said #she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the #parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the #disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage #but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain #just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked #unrelated

[meteorswrd]

sorry i haven't been around much lovies ! back in uni you know what that means 👊👊💥💥back to that MOTHERFUCKIN GRIND ‼️‼️

BUT i want to get my info pages for S0kka and Haru ( @nagititiis follow me there rn ) tonight..thats what i'm aiming for

#ooc; vegetables and straight talk #((i'll never be over my ooc tag here its so good)) #((ANYWAY i'm gonna resist the urge to nap...bc its like half 9 so i WONT nap i'd just end up sleeping)) #((i'm gonna grab a bite to eat then get to those info pages)) #((idk if i'll write bc im very sleepy..maybe short things)) #((anyways! blowing kisses to the dash mwah mwah!!)) #((oh and also you can catch me on @/primordyalsoul. thats a non-a.tla muse so absolutely no pressure to follow me there but i like to spend #a lot of time there bc shes my most special girl)) #((OKAY NOW I EAT))

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’ #yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them

[corignem]

.

#im gonna be so so forreal-- #the star wars fandom was always my all time favourite to write in #the sad part is that during bOTH of my more intense/longer periods on the fandom... #i was tangled up each time with a different 'best friend' that ended up being deeply. deeply fucking toxic and possessive toward me #so for the longest time it's been SO HARD to touch those fandoms ya know??? #which is why my focus in the past couple of years has been so heavily fandoms that neither were all that involved in bc??? #there's less of these toxic and painful memories #but im sobs bc i MISS these things that made me find such joy and love #idk im rambling but long story short #2024 is hopefully the year i stop avoiding things bc of bad memories and work through it instead with the healthier mindset i have now #tbd