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coffeeghoulie · 5 months

Text

threw caution to the wind (got a lousy arm)

so I've been in a lil bit of a funk lately, and my brain went "dewther angst" so here we are. Title and some plot details taken from G.I.N.A.S.F.S. by Fall Out Boy.

Aether/Dew, but some references to polyghouls

Contains suicidal ideation and hurt/comfort, please be careful, and if you don't feel comfortable reading that do not feel obligated to read this. your mental health comes first <3.

3k of me putting Dewther into situations and I'm sorry (kind of)

When he had been summoned, Dew's eyes were blue. Bright, baby blue, a clean water, glacier streams, clear sky kind of blue. They had been his favorite part of this strange new vessel, this fragile, slender human form that had been gifted to him by the humans who summoned him. Aether had sung their praises too, sappy like that, lips pressed close to his ear as he stood behind him.

The worst part of recovering from his elemental transition had been the first time he looked in a mirror. That familiar blue was gone, burnt away to a dark brown that glinted amber when the light hit them right.

For some fucked-up reason, that had been the breaking point. It wasn't that half of his pack and his Papa were dead and gone. Not that complete strangers had been summoned to take their places. Not that the clergy had decided it was cheaper and easier to conduct an experimental ritual on him and change his element than summon a new fire ghoul. Not that he had been torn apart, lit on fire and rewritten. It wasn't that he no longer had access to his water magick, the element he had been born to, summoned in. It wasn't his gills or fins or tail being gone. It was that his eyes were different.

And when he stared at himself in the mirror for the first time since before his Papa had been dragged off stage, it was the last straw on the camel's back. Everything hit all at once, nothing held back their punches. He broke, so completely and in such jagged, tiny pieces, there slumped over the bathroom counter, where Aether and Mountain found him several hours later, cried out and exhausted.

No one's going to find him this time. He's in his own hotel room, the door locked and deadbolted, and leaning heavily on the bathroom vanity, hours after the band had checked in after this last Ritual. Mountain's in Rain's room, Aether thousands of miles away back at the Abbey.

The clergy had made him retire, replaced him with a new, younger ghoul, just as they had done to Sunshine. Aether and Sunny had promised they'd call every day when the band left on tour, just as assurance that nothing had happened to them while the rest of the pack and Papa were away.

Aether hasn't called yet today. Dew stares at his dark eyes in the mirror, the skin under them thin and bruised with lack of sleep. His hair hangs limp and stringy, damp from a rushed shower, and he can't be damned to brush it out or put it up. He feels small in a way he hasn't in years. He knows, Lucifer below he knows how hard it is to keep track of timezones, but it's getting close to the twenty fourth hour of radio silence and it's starting to wear on his nerves.

Dew will never say it out loud, but he's afraid. He glances down at his phone, waiting for the screen to light up with an incoming call. The phone screen is dark, the silence only rattling him more. Dew swallows, unlocking his phone and pressing the call button next to Aether's contact, pressing the phone to his unglamoured ear. It rings, and rings, and rings, and-

"This call has been forwarded to an automatic voice-"

Dew growls, hanging up on the robotic voice and storming out of the bathroom. He has enough sense of mind to fling his phone into the mattress instead of at the ceramic tile of the shower wall. "Fuck!" he snarls, tail lashing behind him as he paces the hotel room. The phone still doesn't ring.

He reaches out through their bond, but it's stretched too thin, like a rubber band pulled taut. Dew tries and tries and tries anyways to reach out for Aether, but all he can glean is that Aether's alive, and really, that doesn't mean too much when he and Sunny are stuck, trapped with a clergy capable of rewriting and destroying ghouls on a whim.

He feels his knees start to tremble, feels his heart tighten the way it did when he found out it was just him and Aether and Mountain left of their pack. He squeezes his dark eyes shut, wills his breath even, and grabs his phone, pulling on one of the shirts in his bag.

It stings when the fabric falls down his thighs, billowing around his thin arms, realizing with a curse that it's one of the old band tshirts he stole from Aether. It still smells like him, a little bit, underneath the cinnamon-smoke that is Dew, that familiar ozone and fresh air baked into the weave of the fabric.

He grabs his room key off of the dresser, shoving it in his pocket as he storms out of the room, letting the door latch behind him. Dew barely remembers to put his glamour back on before he leaves. He can't really bring himself to care, but he does it anyways, grey skin melting to a more acceptable human tone, ears, horns and tail melting away. As shitty as he feels, a scolding from Papa sounds even worse.

Dew slips into the stairwell at the end of the hall, climbing up and up and up and up until he finds the door to the roof access. It takes him a minute to pick the lock, but then he takes in a breath of fresh air, eyes slipping shut as he steps out onto the roof.

He swears to himself he's not going to do anything stupid. The next Ritual is in a day and a half, and as much as he misses having his whole pack near, having his mate with him at his side, he genuinely loves what he does, put in too much work to give it up. He leans out on the ledge, the concrete digging into his bony hips, looking out over the city.

It's so far up, he can barely hear the traffic down below. Dew glances up at the night sky, hoping to find some solace in the stars, in the way they remind him of Aether's eyes. But he forgets, so used to the darkness surrounding the Abbey, that the light pollution blots them out. Dew lets out a pathetic sob, doubling over as he braces himself on the ledge of the roof.

Trembling hands unlock his phone, hitting the call button again. "Please pick up, Aeth," Dew whispers, the wind covering up his words. "Aether, please."

The phone rings. And rings. And rings. Dew can hear his heart pound in his throat. Holds his breath until the scars where his gills once were ache.

"Your call has been forwarded to an-"

Dew screams. The wind carries the noise far away. It takes every ounce of self-restraint in him to keep from slamming his phone down on the concrete ledge. He clutches at the taut band of his and Aether's bond, eyes squeezed shut against the wind. He knows if he were quintessence instead of fire, he'd be able to know more, glean a little more information from the thread connecting them, but all he can feel is Aether's heart continuing to beat, see the faint outline of his shadow on the other end burned into his eyelids.

He doesn't know how long he's out there on the roof. The wind whips through his damp hair, the late night chill biting through Aether's shirt. It's so cold, and his fire can only do so much to keep him warm. If he had been summoned fire, if it had been his to begin with, would it have done more?

Dew sinks to his knees, the rough concrete scraping his skin through his pants. He waits for the inevitable, clinging to their bond and waiting to feel it snap. He knows that when it goes, when Aether goes, that's it. It will be what breaks him completely, with no hope of recovery. He's never been afraid of heights, he thinks as he gets one last glance at the traffic ten stories below.

His phone rings.

Dew startles, dropping it as he scrambles to answer. To his dismay, he accidentally hangs up the call, the contact picture of him and Aether laughing at some unheard joke disappearing. "Fuck, shit, fuck," Dew curses, rambling as his cold, stiff fingers try to dial again. "Satan fucking dammit!"

Thankfully, the phone rings again, and Dew presses it to his ear, actually accepting the call this time. "Aether," he sobs, the weight lifted from his shoulders so quickly it makes him dizzy.

"Sorry, love, things got a little hectic in the infirmary, couldn't call on time, I promise I didn't forget," Aether says, and even though his voice is a little tinny through the phone speakers, Dew sobs at the sound of it. Real, legitimate proof that he's alright. "Dew, love, are you crying?"

Dew shoves his fist into his mouth at the genuine concern in his tone, can picture the furrow in his brow, imagines a warm hand on his shoulder. His tears freeze on his windburnt cheeks.

"Dew, talk to me, baby," Aether says. "Baby, I can feel it, you're not doing good, are you baby?"

"No," Dew sniffles. "Aeth, you weren't answering. I, I thought-" He trails off, unable to put his worst fear to words.

"I know, baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to worry you," Aether whispers, and Dew presses the phone closer to his head so hard it hurts. Needs Aether's voice right in his ear, any further and he feels like he's going to lose it more than he already has. "Who are you with right now, Dew?"

"S'just me," Dew whimpers. He unglamours his tail, wrapping it tightly around himself. He presses his back up against the concrete ledge, drawing his knees to his chest. "Got a room to myself tonight."

"Baby, I can't really hear you, all I can hear is wind," Aether says, and Dew curses to himself as Aether's voice grows more and more concerned. "Dewey, where are you?"

Dew squeezes his eyes shut so tight it hurts. "I'm on the roof," he admits. "Came up here when I was waiting. I got scared, Aeth."

Aether curses. "Dew, please tell me you weren't-"

Dew feels the faintest brush of quintessence down their bond, laughing wetly at the familiar sensation that only makes his heart hurt more. "Aether, I haven't done anything yet," he says, scrubbing under his eyes with the sleeves of Aether's shirt.

"Yet?" Aether says, unable to hide the panic in his voice. "Dewey, don't you dare."

"Aether," Dew says, voice cracking hard. "I thought the clergy had you. I thought I was about to feel it break. And if you went, I was going to follow you. Aether, if you go, I go."

"Oh, Dew," Aether says, and Dew hates the way he can hear Aether's voice tremble, hates that it's his fault. "Dewdrop, I need you to get down from the roof, okay?"

"I don't want to, Aeth," Dew whispers. There's a lump in his throat that won't go away no matter how many times he swallows. "Aeth, I was so scared, I'm still so scared. I went to look at the stars but I can't see them and I don't want to lose you."

There's silence for half a second, Aether's voice a little quieter, like he's moved the phone away from his mouth. "Sunny, call Mountain for me? Right now," Aether calls out. He sounds scaredin a way he hasn't heard since his transition, when things weren't looking too good for him, and Dew hates himself for making his mate feel like that again. "Tell him to get up to the roof as soon he can, Dew's up there alone and he's not doing real good right now."

"Dewey," Aether says, voice clear as he puts the phone back to his ear. "Can you keep talking to me, baby? I need you to keep talking. Need to hear your voice, baby boy. It scares me when you go quiet."

"I'm sorry for scaring you, Aeth," he says, shivering as the wind kicks up again. "I hate this so fucking much."

"I know, darling, I hate this too," Aether says, tone level and even, and Dew thanks the Father Below that at least one of them can stay rational in this moment. Dew tightens his grip on their bond, claws digging into the palm that's not holding the phone. The smell of copper hits the air, rushed away by the wind.

"Aeth, I miss you so much. It hurts so much, I'm spending every moment waiting to feel it break," Dew says, the tears starting up again as he imagines it, the snap and recoil of a bond stretched so tight it bursts, the searing, unimaginable pain of knowing what happened, of being unable to do anything about it.

"Nothing is going to happen to me, Dewey, I swear on my life," Aether promises, and Dew cries out.

"Don't. Not on your life," he sniffles, drawing his tail tighter around himself. "Promise on anything else, Aeth. I cannot fucking lose you. I won't survive it."

"I know, Dew," Aether tries to soothe him, wants to wrap his mate up in a tight embrace and never let him go, but what good is wanting when he's on the other side of the world? "I can't lose you either, Dew. It would break me if you were gone. I'm no good without you."

Dew stiffens, the spade of his tail smacking against his shins as it lashes back and forth.

"Dew?" Aether asks, sending more traces of quintessence down the bond, seeking out whatever contact he can. "Dew, baby, I need you to talk to me."

"M'still here," Dew says, whining into the receiver. "I'm sorry, Aether, really didn't mean to scare you."

"It's okay, baby," Aether says, and Dew can almost feel a warm caress across his cheek, imagines Aether's thumb wiping away his tears. "Mountain's coming up to get you, darling. I really don't want you to be alone right now, okay? It's not that I don't trust you, love, but it will make me feel better knowing you're with the pack."

"I, I wanna be with you, Aeth," Dew sniffles, almost snorting as he clears the snot from his nose. "I wanna go home."

"I know, Dewdrop," Aether whispers, and Satan, he sounds so tired. Dew digs his claws into the meat of his palm, hates himself for making his mate worry. "Can I spoil a little surprise for you and the pack, darling?"

Dew straightens, trilling sadly. "What?"

"Me and Sunny are coming out for a Ritual, love," Aether says, and Dew's ears perk up, flicking against his skull. "The one a week from now?"

"Uh-huh?" Dew says, reaching up with the hand not holding the phone, grabbing a big handful of Aether's shirt, white knuckling the fabric until the neckline pulls uncomfortably at his throat. "Really?"

"Yeah, baby, you don't have to wait too much longer, okay?" Aether says.

Dew laughs, wiping away the last few remaining tears as the roof access door opens. Dew snaps his head over towards Mountain as he steps out onto the roof, wincing as the cold air hits him. He's in his pajamas and human glamour, and he looks around frantically until he sees Dew, a worried expression fading into pure relief.

"Hey, droplet," Mountain says, taking two long strides until he's crouching at Dew's side, cupping his cheek with a big hand. He winces as he feels how cold Dew's skin is. "You wanna come inside with me?"

Dew nods, leaning into Mountain's touch, rubbing his cheek against his calloused palm.

"Is that Mountain, baby?" Aether asks, and Dew nods, forgetting that Aether can't actually see him do it.

"I'm here, nova. I've got him," Mountain says, voice low and rumbling.

There's a sigh of relief through the phone loud enough for Mountain to hear. "Thank you, Mount. I can't thank you enough."

"I know, Aeth, thank you. Firefly, you wanna get up for me?"

Dew stumbles to his feet, still clutching the phone to his ear as Mountain slings an arm around Dew's waist, pulling him close to him. "Me and Rain have the bed all nice and warm, you want to spend the night with us, firefly?"

"That sounds nice, junie," Dew whispers, letting Mountain lead him down the stairs.

"I'm gonna stay on the line with you, okay, darling?" Aether says, voice crackling a little with the shitty signal in the stairwell. "Not going anywhere. You've got me."

Dew takes a deep breath as Mountain leads him to his room, where Rain and a warm bed are waiting. "I've got you," he whispers. "I love you so much, Aether."

Aether laughs a little, and despite everything, Dew smiles. "I love you too, Dew."

They stand in front of Mountain's room, the earth ghoul rummaging through the pocket of his pajama pants for the card. He swipes them in and leads Dew to the nest he and Rain have managed to make of the beds, two queens that they've pushed together, piling the bedding and pillows and arranging them comfortably. Rain's dozing, starfished out over the mattresses, snoring softly, their gills rippling with each breath.

Dew rubs his cheek against Mountain's arm as Aether keeps whispering comforts into his ear. He sets his phone down on the pillows before crawling in next to Rain, who, even unconscious, latches on to him. Mountain drapes a long arm over the both of them, sandwiching Dew in between their warmth. He snuggles into the blankets, reaching for his phone.

"Good night, Aether," he whispers. "I love you so much."

He can almost hear Aether's smile. "Love you too, Dewdrop. I'll see you soon."

Dew's eyelids grow heavy, and he smiles. "See you real soon."

#one of my biggest flexes is that I was there for ginasfs live debut #dot's writing #the band ghost #the band ghost fanfiction #dewdrop ghoul #aether ghoul #dewther #tw sucidal ideation #aether/dewdrop

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